The Yak - Brandon's Neighbors Are WAY Too Nice To Him | The Yak 4-15-24

Episode Date: April 15, 2024

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Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Yo, TJ, hold that up. It's the Yak. It's the Yak. Hello. Welcome in. It's the Yak. Roback.com. Promo code Yak.

20% off the first purchase. Q-Zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts. Roback.com. Hello, everyone. What's going on? It's tax day. Oh, it is. Happy tax day. Yes. Any of us going on? It's tax day. Oh, it is. Happy tax day.

Yes. Any of us going to go to prison? Yep. Shout out to the taxes out there. Yeah? They don't get enough love. Today is the day. Is this like a suggestion or what?

Deadline. Sure. Yeah. Yeah, it could be a suggestion. All right. Yeah. I owe a lot of money. Yeah, me too. i just found that out someone had a funny tweet on saturday when everyone's like oh world war three we've had

so many world war threes in the last yeah two years everything can't be world war three but someone was just like iran's about to find out what we don't have uh free health care yeah lining up perfectly yeah it's a shit storm out there it's it's crazy though the world war three people it's it's it's once a week

it's so often love saying world war three is about to happen yeah they probably have fun with it like that's an exciting way to live

yeah they're just they're just hoping for it to happen so they can be like right about all they're gearing up for it do you think after

world war one we went through 20 years of saying, oh shit, World War II, and then it happened pretty quick and they were right. Do you think we called it World War I before? Yeah, I don't think it was World War I until World War II happened.

So they couldn't say it. But they did call World War I the war to end all wars. It was the Great War, right? It was our face red. Yeah, that's embarrassing. Soon after. So, It was the Great War, right? And then the war was our face red. Yeah, that's embarrassing. Yeah. Soon after. So after the First World War, what would the doomsday sayers say about the next war? I think it was actually the problem was there wasn't enough doomsday sayers. They're like, this Hitler guy's not a bad guy.

That seems fine. Yeah, he'll just keep going into other countries. What a passionate young man. Yeah. No problem. All right, so we got some things we're going to do today. We have a draft for the film festival, which is this week. I'm nervous for it.

I'm excited. Well, the film festival isn't this week. The creating of the films is this week. The festival is next Friday. Yeah, for you guys who are going to watch it, it's next Friday. Correct, correct. We also have Dan Soder's going to stop by. He's coming to the office.

He's going to try to do the yak gauntlet, hopefully. I think he'll do it. He seems athletic, isn't he? Why wouldn't he? He's a strapping young lad. Yeah. He'll be ready to do it. What's strapping mean?

Don't know. If Stephen Jay- Yeah, where did that saying come from? Strapping? I said a phrase on the show today. What is that type of belt? A suspender? Bootstraps? Bootstraps maybe. They're dressed up nice. I said a phrase

on Mostly Today and TJ, Connor and the other one said they had never heard it before in their life. I said the worm has turned. A tickle on your pickle? The worm has turned. Yeah, well you're a worm farmer. You know worms, Arden. That's a common phrase. Is that tequila? It might be common for a, yeah, is that a worm farmer you know worm that's that's that's a common phrase what is that it might be common for a yeah is that a tequila y'all are messing the kind of the worm

has turned the worm right even rhyme you don't drink i don't but that's a tequila phrase the worm has turned is a very common phrase but i mean the worm went bad in the tequila i think so i don't know i've never had the worm in tequila. Would a person or group of people who have been treated badly for a long time suddenly become forceful and stop accepting a difficult situation? What? That doesn't make any sense. That's not what I thought. What does that have to do with worms?

Wait, that's... You didn't use that correctly. No, because John Haywood said it back in 1560. How did you say it? John Haywood said it. How did you say it? John Haywood said it. How did you say it? I said the worm has turned. On what?

Did you just say it? Don't know. What were you talking about? I have no idea. I don't know that saying. I don't remember saying it. Strapping. Oh.

One who appears to be young, muscular, robust. Wow. A tall, sturdy woman. Oh. Well, isn't that a sturdy woman yeah powered forward for the chicago sky yeah she's strapping was she pretty she was sturdy sturdy yeah i've used that before i had the best weekend of my life you did good you deserved it i said happy birthday to you on the text and no one replied. I did.

I did. No, you didn't. You didn't reply. In my heart, I did. I just had a great weekend. I got the boat out. The boy came. Not going to fit us.

The boy came and put the pier in. I watched Forrest Gump with Tommy. Somebody's yelling. I went to. Okay. All right. Something happened. They bet something.

Soccer? Good for them. Your daughter had a fucking awesome hit. Big hit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You saw it because I sent it to you. Hella contact. Yeah, yeah.

She knocked the shit out. She went three for four. Again? She sent it to you. What's her average now? She went three for four, three RBIs. It's got to be high. Very nice swat.

What are they doing? What's Coach doing having her just as a runner some game? She wants to play as many people as she can. She bats third in the lineup, though. She went through four, three RBI's. What level? I got to go to Sonic. She's ninth grade.

She's on the JV team. It's still high school ball. Yeah, that's still playing everyone, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you going to be one of those guys who's like? No, I don't say anything. You don't say a word. She's got an OPS over 1,000.

You're not playing her? No, I don't say a word. However they want to play her She's got an OPS over 1,000. You're not playing her? No, I don't say a word. However they want to play her, it's our team. I'm not the coach of that team. Would you like to be? That coach doesn't come into your office and suck a dick. No, I'm coaching a team tonight. We start our eight-year-old tonight.

I got T-ball today. Are you coaching? We're still learning the game, not teams yet. Is there any pressure on you as a wealthier man to get the team real nice uniforms? It would be like Homer at the Bat, where I just get everyone. Oh. I just load the team.

Baby Gronk is on my side. You need to get Baby Gronk on the team. All of a sudden, yeah. Baby Diggs. All the babies. All the babies. Eight-year-old super team. Yeah.

I should do that. You definitely should. Yeah, just win all the titles. By the way, speaking of that, we're going to have 80 boxes of Girl Scout cookies coming to the office soon. That'll be fun. For everyone. Usually they're around february i

i for some reason on friday night i was like did i miss this and then i realized that clem's daughter still had her link active so we just did a quick order on that i like how you have a subconscious reminder to order girl scout yeah it was it was i was out to dinner and i was just like what a girl scout cookie pretty fat move by me. That's fat as fuck. Yeah, to just be like, oh, my. Yeah, it's my biological clock. Once a year. It's off, yeah.

It's that time of the year. Yeah. So I'm happy for your great weekend. Yeah, it was a great weekend. You got Sonic tater tots? I got chili cheese tots at Sonic. I went to the shanty and had a steak. I hosted an impromptu cookout last night.

What? Oh, wait. What? Yeah. Did neighbors. What? Yeah. Did neighbors come over? Yeah. Here's my order, by the way. First of all, for anybody in the Chicago area, yesterday's weather was perfection.

Yeah. Beautiful. It was the best weather I've ever seen. And me and my wife were just sitting out by the lake. And then the neighbors came over. And then the other neighbors came over. And I was already grilling burgers and fries. So I just hosted an impromptu cookout.

Look at you, having neighbors that like you. Yeah, it was weird. They like you? Yeah, they do. Do they think you're like the funny, what's your role? I'm definitely the funny guy. You're the funny guy?

But do they shit on you? No, no. We need to poison this well. They like me, they treat me well, they never shit on me. Yeah, we gotta poison this well. We gotta make sure we get up there and let them know. You're respected? They treat me like an awesome human bizarre oh yak

yeah no it's it's no it's normal life where people it's normal life and they treat me with respect i treat with them no one pranked you razzed you no we enjoy each other's company funny you you fun of you. You didn't hurt yourself? I made food and they enjoyed it. Did anyone talk about the sun being out and you not dealing with the sun? They didn't poke fun at my dead animals. They have an exaggerated caricature of your voice? None of my dead animals, none of my dead family members.

They didn't make fun of any of those. Nothing belly? Nothing. Dad's drug habit? I don't like this crew. Sounds like you're hanging out with a bad, boring crew. Yeah, wait, you're hanging out with a bunch of wet blankets. They were cool as hell.

No. Wait, did you play the music too? Yeah, I was. You're kidding me. You were playing your own music and they were fine with it? Yeah, they enjoy my... We need to intervene. Brandon, you're hanging out with the wrong crowd. Just let me hang out with people. These guys suck. These people like me. They suck. This is great though being like

Brandon fell in with the wrong group of guys. They love him and support him. Yeah, they're nice to him. We got to stop this now. Yeah, we had a good time. One of them told me where to buy some good fishing baits because I was using the wrong baits, and now I feel corrected and great, and I'm going to stop by and get a bunch of baits.

We're not going to fit in your boat. You're going to fit in my boat. No chance. Show a picture of the boat. I'm concerned about the pier. I don't think're not going to fit in your boat. You're going to fit in my boat. No chance. Show a picture of the boat. I'm concerned about the pier. I don't think we're going to fit on the pier. You're going to fit in my boat. I had five in there yesterday, four kids.

Double. Can I say another fat move that I had recently that really is, I think I'm going through some shit. When Kate texted that pier is too small, I read it as pie-er. Wait, there's a new cut. It higher i was like wait oh my god that's tough i just read pie that's tough all right we go we go three at the front i'll be in the chair two alongside to the pire. So like a cheesecake is pire than a scone. Yeah, right. 3-3-3.

And it's like you go out on that thing. I don't know what the word of it for is, but you go out just to eat some more pies. What's pious? Ooh. Ooh. What is pious? Apple? Something with a ladder.

Would a traditional apple be the pious? The apple on the windowsill. The apple on the windowsill and a little boy floats over. With the visible label aroma. A coyote smells the windowsill. Yeah, on the windowsill and a little boy floats over. With the visible. Yeah, the little aroma. A coyote smells the long nose. His nostril gets real big and it goes in there and he floats off the ground to it. That's the pious thing that could happen. All right, so we go back to the picture.

There's no way we're getting in this. No fucking chance. Can we look up the model of this boat? Look at that. That's two people. That's room for whatever. You and a small child. That's a little tiny baby.

Look how much it's tilting to the right that's like when they try to sell like the mid-size suv and they do the commercial and it's like a guy his wife uh a baby and a small dog yeah and they're like look room for the whole family your dogs if you want to we'll have room that'll be fine can you can we look up the model of your boat to get the exact dimensions i wouldn't i don't i don't know the model of my boat i don't think they make it a model no no it is a model boat they built yeah inside of a bottle yeah it's stewart wait no no boat jokes yesterday no boat jokes in fact i took i took one of my friends out on the boat and we enjoyed it we took a spin around the lake what they're friends now yeah do you have their phone number? Yeah.

Do you have them saved as like a goofy thing? No, I have his name in there. I hate this. His name is Art. Art? Mm-hmm. He's a good guy. Did they make any sexual references about your mama or sister?

None. Did any of them have a condom on? Nope. So what did you guys talk about? Just how the food tasted? We talked about the masters. We talked about the food. We talked about the food. We talked about the locations around Antioch,

restaurants I should go to, the fishing baits I should use. Talk about how nice it was outside. We talked about the weather. Did you do any dance moves or sing in front of them? I didn't dance. I did have the music going and everything. We went out for a spin on the boat a couple times. Did you take your shirt off?

I didn't take my shirt off. In fact, I sat in the back and let him drive the boat so he could get a feel for it. When you guys were out in the boat, did he make a subtle reference to your wife's? No, no. Did they see that she was stacked as fuck? Yeah, I think they saw it. She was there. My God.

And they didn't say a word? Not a word. What the fuck is wrong with these people? Seal Team 6 operation. We're going to have to covertly get into your house, live there. What if? say a word not a word seal fuck is wrong with these seal team six operation we're gonna have to have like covertly get into your house live there what if and every time we see them be like this fucking idiot what if hold on what let me cook what if y'all just let me have friends that treated me the right way no what if we actually then you're gonna come in happy all the time i

know i'm happy today no but like I'm so happy. Uh-uh. Nah. I had a good weekend. I watched Forrest Gump with my boy. What if you find out we actually hired them, and then they come back and tell us all the dumb things you said, and we all laugh at it? Because you could just get the dumb things straight from me. Why would you need to hire somebody to do that?

On weekends. Keep us in tabs on weekends. Do they know what you do? Yes. Mm-hmm. They do. Are you group leader, would you say? No. Me and Art run a tight ship. Well, you were on the grill 50 50 well he was he over what did he grab your hand and help you use this that's not what

you were telling me what you were saying that you alpha the shit out of art that's not my fucking wife no no no no no no no not even no, is this tiny penis art you've been talking about? No, no, no. Wait, it's not tiny penis art? You have two arts? You have two art neighbors? Time, time, time. Time.

Don't poison this well. No. Leave art alone. I'm going to grab Soder and show him where he's going for Chef Donnie. Tiny penis art. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't poison this whale. He's a good man.

More like fart. Oh. Oh, rest in peace. A good man. Did you do the thing when you put the burgers out where you're like, let me know if it's not done enough for you? I did, but they all said. They all said it was perfect.

I like my medium rare. Oh. But they all liked it no complaints I made homemade fries it took me 45 minutes to cut up all them potatoes and then did you deep fry them? you have a deep fryer?

are we going to get to use it when we go out there? no, y'all aren't actually allowed in the house are you afraid that when we're there your neighbors are going to come over? I'm not, no in fact I planted the seed last, I'm going to tell them. In fact, I planted the seed last night. I said we might be doing a yak here soon, so just leave that alone.

So we're not crossing streams. There's going to be a yak, and there's going to be my friend. But I'd love to have him as a guest. No, no, not, no. Y'all are not ruining the one thing that makes me. I never had this in Jersey. Never had neighbors and jersey never had neighbors and friends had neighbors they weren't friends but now i got them what what kate what what does

that stupid mouth of yours want to say i had a great weekend yeah i'm so you were talkative too you're a little texter yeah i was i was. I was. I was in a good mood. Yeah. Yeah, the change of the seasons might be worth it. Do you want to see my – I didn't send you my girls hit, did I? Where she hit the ball? Was it like a double? Yeah.

It was a double. Oh, yeah. Let me see a double. Yeah. I love doubles. Doubles are the best. It was a good double. So clean.

I went to Sonic. You look so happy. You do look so happy. Oh, man. What's your go-to order there? Chili cheese, hair tots, and a root 44 sweet tea with a corn dog. Dang. Yeah.

Oh, jeez. Root 44 sweet tea. Yeah. It's good. What did Tommy think of Forrest Gump? He's got 40 minutes left. We're going to finish it tonight. That's a lot of Gump left.

And then he's going to do the review. It was right before he started running. He's going to do the review We're going to finish it tonight. That's a lot of gump left. And then he's going to do the review. It was right before he started running. He's going to do the review tonight. So he liked it. But we were about an hour and a half in. He stands up and says, all right, we'll finish it later, and walks off. Really? Oh, I thought it was a fall asleep kind of thing.

No, no. I was going to ask, can kids even sit through movies? No, I heard no. It's tough, but they usually can. And he liked it. It's kind of a long movie. What's he think of Forrest? The man.

At first he thought, he said the words, he's more stupid than I thought he was. Because if you haven't watched it in a while, the first five minutes are pretty jarring. Of how stupid he is? Yeah. Tell him there's a word for that. Yeah, I did. He reminds me of Uncle Ben.

Yeah. Yeah, he doesn't need to keep saying more stupid. There's another word for Uncle Ben. So, I don't know. We've got to finish it tonight. Love that. Yeah. And I've got baseball practice tonight.

Busy weekend at the Walkers. Busy weekend. Busy weekend at the Walkers. So, you're the coach, the head coach? I'm the assistant. What's your role? I don't know. Our first practice is tonight, so we'll define them tonight.

They're eight years old? They're eight. You just have to make sure they just walk the right way. Make sure they're going the right way. Make sure they don't hit each Our first practice is tonight, so we'll define them tonight. They're eight years old? They're eight. You just have to make sure they just walk the right way. Make sure they're going the right way. Make sure they don't hit each other when they swing the bat. Make sure they're sitting down and listening and stuff like that. We're hanging out this upcoming weekend. Yeah, we are.

Yep. What you guys got? We're going to Tim McGraw in Milwaukee. Really? Yeah, you want to come? I'm out of town. Dang. You don't want to go to McGraw? What'd you go to? I love Is that the guy that played in Pittsburgh all the time? That was Kenny Chesney. Yeah, I think I'd like McGraw. I like country.

It's fun. Is Faith Hill with him? I feel like they're a package duo. I don't think so. He's keeping himself in shape. He's swinging through Chicago. He's wearing tight pants these days. Oh, yeah.

He wears very tight clothing. Yeah. I got a pair of Spurs to wear to the concert, but I don't know if they'll let me in. I think that's a lie. I don't know if they're going to let the spurs in. Well, I mean, it's where the Bucs play. They let the spurs in every once in a while. What is a spur?

The thing for the back of a cowboy boot. I got a pair to wear to this concert. Did you buy a matching cowboy hat? No, but I got us matching cowboy hats, Brandon. Are you guys going to go arm in arm when Live Like You're Dying comes on? Yes. Just share them. We'll probably go arm-in-arm multiple times.

What are we talking about? Me and Brandon are going to Tim McGraw this weekend. Oh. Milwaukee. Tiny Jack Arkham? No, no. He's not. No.

Sorry. Oh, he can't come. His dick's too small. For Tim McGraw? Yeah, dick's too small for McGraw. McGraw has like a- I have one friend. Can we not insult my-

It's not an insult. It's a medical fact. Yeah. It's a medical anomaly. McGraw has like a, if you're not this height, you can't ride. Yeah, you got to pull out your dick. Your dick is too small, you can't come to my concert. Did you guys do like R-rated jokes, anything lewd?

Yeah, anything edgy? Did you say titty? I said fuck a couple times. What? Did they? Just me and him. Oh, just the two men. Yeah.

And did you still say it under your breath? Yeah. Do you think this is going to be a situation where you fall in love with him? No, I'm not going to fall in love. I have a friend that I'm going to be a friend with. And we're going to do friend things. Is this a classic neighbor homosexual relationship? I don't those are classic i think you know the classic mundane life of suburbia sometimes you just want to fuck a dude do you think what would you be pissed if he came on to

you no i know this brandon if he fucked you it wouldn't hurt hurt. It's not a gay thing. I don't know if he could penetrate. Art, is it in yet? Alright, yeah. You could feel Art fucking you. We went too far. That's too far. Yeah, we apologize. Sorry, Art. That was too far Alright yeah we apologize Sorry Art That's too much Oh boy

Oh boy They don't watch do they No Good So we can talk about his wife Big Titty No no no no No What if he did watch

What were your sides Just french fries Yeah Just burgers and fries You were your sides? Just french fries? Yeah. Just burgers and fries? You did a grill out with french fries? Yeah, well, I cut them up, put them to the side, I went and grilled the burgers, went back in, turned the grease on, did the second batch of burgers, came back in, dropped the fries.

Nice. Any chips or jams on the burger? No chips or jams. What drinks were you offering? Well, it was an impromptu. So they brought their own. So I had wine. I had some wine.

I had some water. I had lemonade, and I had sweet tea. So did anybody bring over beer? I had some beer stuck back in. I bought some Spotted Cow for Big Cat a while back and some for myself. I believe his is still sitting in his office. No, it's not. It's at home.

And then we drank some spotted cow sometimes i go into wisconsin to get some spotted cow bad boy yeah yeah real bad boy yeah you're not allowed to bring it out of wisconsin are you no no you can buy it you can sell it outside of okay yeah uh by the way factor oh yeah eat stress-free this spring with factors delicious ready to eat meals every fresh never frozen meal is chef crafted dietician approved and ready to eat in just two minutes choose from a weekly menu of 35 options including popular options like calorie smart keto protein plus or vegan and veggie also discover more than 60 add-ons every week like breakfast on the go lunch snacks and beverages to help you stay fueled and feel good all day long 14 plus are vegan and veggie. Also discover more than 60 add-ons every week like breakfast, on-the-go lunch,

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That's code YAK to get $200 in bonus bets when you bet just $5 only on DraftKings. The crown is yours. Stephen Che already screwed up his first mock draft. First sentence. First sentence. First sentence? What? I tried to be like a relatable golf

person. I watched the Masters for like 15 minutes. He tried to be a relatable golf person. That's where you fucked up. What does that have to do with the law? He said it's the year of, what did you say? The year of the UConn goes back to back. Scotty Scheffler goes back to back. He did not go back. No. So when did he win?

He won this year and then two years ago. John Rahm won last year. Well, that's not back to back. Right. No, you're right. You know what, Steven? Let's just stick to the draft. Yeah. You don't need to be a relatable golf guy. UConn and Sky Sheffler both went back to back.

Sentence one. Everything else becomes like you can't trust this guy. Fair. How many trades do you have in your mock draft? Why do you scratch out? Several.

How many? You don't know? I think maybe two, but then it's like ripple effects because, like, you know, Minnesota is like 13 and 23. Do the trades have the Bucs getting, like, a top three and back where they are like like always sorry say that again do you have the bucks getting a player who no no no they're picking they're picking the mid-20s bucks have marvin two years ago they were number 25 you had him picking derrick stingley who went third oh i mean derrick stingley was taken higher than a lot of people thought he would be also a bad day for steven

che because devante sm Smith got a huge new contract and he said that he would never play in the NFL. That's not true. That's what he says. He's going to be an awesome pro. I actually have a grilling question for you guys. Oh, nice change of topic. Mostly just for me, though, right?

Your hot seat on the draft. Go ahead. No, the mock draft 4.0 is out now. Check it out. Point out any mistakes. Can you give us the grilling question in your mock draft voice? Oh, yeah. It's hard to ask a question in that voice.

Yeah, but do it. You kind of already did it right there. Oh, geez. So as a mock drafter, you never ask questions? No, you're more like the relayer of information that you know. Mm-hmm. All right right grilling season We got two types of grill we got charcoal we got propane mm-hmm I

Actually don't know how to grow. I'm going to learn. I was what does that mean I? Don't know I don't understand how can I explain that any easier for you grilling is grilling is It's not something you, learn how to do. You just put meat on a grill. You can be bad at grilling. No, no, you have to learn, though. No, no, no, but everyone knows how to grill. Yeah.

Yeah. I see. You can't be like, look at a grill and be like, what is that? There's only one way to grill. You put it on the grill. Right. Steven, have you never put meat on a grill? Not my own.

No. What? I've, like, helped. That's crazy. He borrowed meat. See what I'm saying? That's crazy what he's saying right now. All right.

What's the question? So, the house I'm going to actually does have an area where I could grill. Sure. And I'm going to get a grill. Propane or charcoal pros and cons? I have no idea. Charcoal tastes better, but it's a lot more work. A lot more work.

Propane is easier to regulate the heat and everything, but you don't get the – I like the taste of charcoal a lot better, but you can fuck up a lot easier with charcoal. And charcoal, you will light yourself on fire with charcoal. Some people will say propane grilling is like just cooking on a stove outside. Oh, that's what I want. Beautiful. No. That is what he wants.

That's what you want? Yes. I want to cook on a stove outside. That is exactly what I want. Then you need propane. Charcoal would wear your ass out. But charcoal grilling is, if you can master it, is a superior grill. Isn't yours like wood chips, Brandon? Yeah.

That's pretty cool. That's badass. Well, I have multiple grills. You have multiple grills? Yeah. So, Steven, you've never put your own meat on a grill? No. You never grill burgers?

Hot dogs? I've, like, watched the grill for so long while they stepped away. That's the extent. That's not. They were. That's a cuck move. Yeah, they were condescending to you when they asked you to do that. Yeah, they're like, hey, can you watch this grill for me?

You weren't doing anything. Just so you know. Couldn't confirm. You were like Dwight on the booze cruise when they put him on that. Yeah. Watching the grill is the guy who's grilling is like, I know that I can step away. This bitch right here. Here, you feel like you're handy for a second.

What did you flip a single patty as you watched the grill? I did, I did. But not many. Alright, what are you planning to grill the first time? Steak, burgers, maybe salmon if I can get it right. No, no, salmon comes later. That's later, yeah. Salmon comes later.

Steak, fine. Start with hot dogs. Start with hot dogs. Hot dogs you can't fuck up. Yeah. Unless you, fine. Burger, fine. Start with hot dogs. Start with hot dogs. Yeah, hot dogs. Hot dogs, you can't fuck up. Yeah. Unless you're Ben Mintz. Right. So, yeah.

Charcoal, or, sorry, propane would be good for that. I want to cook on a stove outside, so that's perfect. That's the exact answer I wanted. Well, there you go. If you ever want to get more difficult, we'll get you in the charcoal game. I don't ever want to get more difficult. You know what? I'm just trying to have a conversation with you, man. I appreciate your help. Okay.

This is the problem with Brandon. Now, if you have a bad conversation, he's just dreaming about art. Yeah, art would be able to talk back and forth about grills all the time. We're useless to him right now. Art has his own grills. What's he got?

He's got a big green egg doesn't he don't fucking tell me he's got a good backyard oh no he's got the big green egg he's got a good backyard shit what's new with hoses have we made any advancements technological advancements

I used to have a blast with the hose yeah what are the newest I think they're pretty standard I think that and the shopping cart have just kind of peaked What about the hoses don't they have hoses now that like Coil themselves That's what I'm talking about I want it to hear

In depth reviews Did you know people get severe burns every year From the water sitting out in the Sitting out in the sun and then they turn it on and they like boil this guy this guy knows the hose tasks in this review we dive into a diverse range of hoses evaluating flexibility at the first position of our list we have flex Oh, holy fuck. That's a good name, too. Oh, man. Look, no kinks.

I want to buy the hose. No, hose with no kinks? I'm out. Kink-free? For her pleasure. Ensuring it remains kink-free and easy to use. Kink-free? In extreme weather conditions. With a unique ribbed inner core design. This hose provides exceptional flexibility while still offering high pressure performance. It does sound like you're driving a dick.

I was expecting like wireless. No. Yeah. FitLife expandable garden hose. Oh, this is the one I think that coils. Yes. She's dirty. She's saying garden?

Garden. It expands three times? Whoa. It's a grower, not a shower. Yeah, so I guess maybe no new hoses. Nothing exciting. It's like the old school green hose. Green hose. Yeah.

I miss ripping a drink out of a hose. Oh, after a game of Rundown? The thirstiest you've ever been. Wasn't there a wives tale that you'd get lockjaw from drinking from a hose? Is this like the dentist gave AIDS? I was always afraid of lockjaw. My mom had me scared of lockjaw. Is lockjaw a thing that

people can get? I don't know if it's even a thing. Yes, I have a friend who got it. You have a friend who got lockjaw? Yes. How? Like she couldn't move her jaw. She was stuck. That sounds like something a woman would say. Oh, I'm sorry. Honey, I have lockjaw this month.

She'll say it by speaking it perfectly, too. I have lockjaw. Sure, because you said that very clearly. I have lockjaw. You know I have lockjaw. Don't you know? How did she get lockjaw? She just woke up one morning.

It's like, you know how you wake up with a crick in your neck, and she was stuck for half a minute. That's crazy. Might be a good diet. Hell yeah. If you break your jaw and you're wired shut for a while, or any sort of reconstruction. And I'm pretty sure you can get lockjaw from... Suck a dick?

I'm pretty sure that's a thing never happened to me it's a new phobia I guess she's just stuck on ya well I have to go to work I feel like there's fish on the bottom of a whale nice to have the basketball court back. Oh, it feels great.

It feels great. We do have a putting green in the back, though, that we can use. That's nice. Is somebody putting right now? I don't know. Yeah, maybe they're putting with a hockey stick. Who is that? He's always fiddling with that stick.

Oh, Harry. Yeah. Marie Claire Magazine, my first blowjob gave me lockjaw. Oh. Same thing. Ladies. She might not have known

how to get a blowjob. She might have used the wrong parts of her face. I don't know which part of your face you could use. If I were to suck a dick, I doubt I'd move my jaw

too much at all. Move your cheeks more than your... You really don't want a lot of jaw movement. The jaw doesn't really get involved. You don't want chewing. Or maybe you do. Who am I? I wouldn't move my jaw.

Yeah, I guess I wouldn't use my jaw. I wouldn't use my jaw to suck dick. Did you wear green today because of the Masters? No, it's a baseball shirt. Did you watch it? The Masters? Yeah, sure did. Were you like, I wish I was there?

No, not once. I had such a good weekend. It was very windy. It was nice. I watched it for the first time. You watched it for the first time? I was watching and I was like, these guys mastered their craft. Yeah. There's no denying yeah masters because some sports or professional activities are like they didn't

there's room for improvement not golfers no golfer can improve i feel like that we're at like you there's not going to be like generations away generations away where, like, golfers are much better. I feel like they mastered it pretty – they're pretty high up to their ceiling. Yeah, although the equipment has gotten insane. That's, like, the big debate. Equipment's too good. It helps. The ball is too good. But to what he's saying, I don't know how it can get better.

Yeah. How much better can a club and a ball get? Bryson DeChambeau 3D printed his clubs. Yeah, but did he use them yes oh he did yeah he 3d printed them for 10 grand and then got approved so he just made them out of nothing i still don't understand 3d print i don't either i don't they confuse the fuck out how can someone make a gun out of a printer how what how does does that... Where's the... What's the material? How does that work?

It's like a plastic spool, right? And it kind of melts it. Is that what it is? I don't... 3D printers will... That's just something I'll never understand. Not at all.

No. And I'll just keep not understanding it and feeling like an absolute moron whenever someone... To me, it's like a robot who just invents...

Who just makes it. Who manufactures it, right? Who just prints it? What's your definition of robot, though? Anything that plugs in? Yeah. Right. Bitch?

A bitch? That's you the robot. You the robot. Oh, yeah. That is my joke. It's a great one. It's a fucking great joke. Are we drafting today?

Yeah. I don't think we're drafting. We're spinning. We're wheeling. We're wheeling. We can do that. Do we want to do it? Oh, no.

No, we can do it. Might as well. Yeah. So we have the team somewhat set for the film festival. This is going to be a great 48 hours starting, I think it's Wednesday at 2? Yeah. To Friday at 2? Do you want to show, TJ, the teams so far?

And then we have a wheel of everyone else, and we will spin. So team one is Fasoli, Reed, Hank, Mad Dog, Nick, Brandon Walker, and Ben Mintz. That's so we basically put together. How we did it was we made sure the teams are even enough where everyone has the backup they need. They have someone from the Yak, a cast member, and then a wildcard cast member. Ben Mintz is a wildcard cast member early gump type yes team two

is KB or sorry Owen Harry Zupi Liam Blutman KB Joey Kamasta and White Sox love thank you wildcard great squad team three I love solid. Solid core. Thank you. Yep, that's good. Wild card type.

Great squad. Team three is Mikey Paz, Lance, Cody, Jake Malasek, Titus, Tommy Smokes, and Jersey Jerry is your wild card. Strong team as well. Strong team. And then team four is Tom Lay, Colton, Ryan, Danny Conrad, Kate, Roan, Frank the Tank as a wild card. So I think they're very even.

Yeah, those are very even. So what we'll do now is we'll spin. We've got to play the preview again, and then we'll spin to add team members. So I think there's 24 free agents out there. Yeah. And we'll just spin and put them on teams, and the only rule is everyone gets one nope-I-do.

Yep. Which I guess I will act as Titus's nope i do fair enough here fair enough okay so i will i will use titus's nope i do yep now mook you're on the wheel any team that you want to be on yeah these are all the free agents that will be spun and put onto teams. Last second to add free agent bottom right there. Yep, Greer. Now, Kyle, your team core is fantastic. But Wednesday we'll be drafting what we want the movie to be. Are we explaining that now? Yeah, Wednesday we're going to draft the genres and everything.

A genre, a scene, you have to have a line, a prop, and a movie trope that you have to have in it. Love it. And then everyone's going. And then it's just off and running. Three, two, one, break Love it. And then everyone's going. And then it's just off and running. 3, 2, 1, break. And we can go wherever. I think you have a budget too. What? I think there's a 5k budget.

Really? I believe so. I'm going to make mine a documentary where Nick gets $5,000. Ooh! I like that. Yeah, thank you. I like that. All right, so you want to spin the wheel, or do you got to play the preview? You want to do the ad read, Brandon?

Boy Kills World? Yes, I sure do. Boy Kills World stars Bill Skarsgård as Boy, a deaf mute with a vibrant imagination mute, who is trained by a mysterious shaman to become an instrument of death after his family is murdered. Boy's inner voice is voiced by the legendary shaman to become an instrument of death after his family is murdered boys inner voice is voiced by the legendary voice actor h john benjamin from archer from bob's burgers it's produced by sam ramey of evil dead and roy lee of barbarian a must-see in theaters

on april 26th you can lean into the hardcore action and fun has lots of inventive kills gamers will absolutely love this film some reviewers have called the film a gleeful orgy of violence an ultra violent blast and a high octane action extravaganza sure to satiate genre fans delirious bloodlust that's a lot of words there delirious bloodlust so go see it feels like there should be more go see see Boy Kills World starting April 26th. It's exactly my type of movie. Yeah, it really is, isn't it? Yeah.

Here we go. Oh. Oh. Oh, this is the more part. I'm excited. Lovely. This feels important. This is the whole plan.

You cannot go in guns ablaze and security's gonna be airtight. Deeply confused. I saw this man take down an entire squad. I did do that. He killed over a hundred men. Slight exaggeration. With his bare hands. Definitely not true.

Wait. You forget who controls the narrative. Not exactly how I plan to go. Deal with him accordingly. And lights. Shit. Rejoice! Fuck!

Read my lips. You petulant little shit. Repeat the mantra. I am an instrument. Shaped for a... Oh, shit. Damn it. I'm excited for this movie. Yeah.

It's gotta be fun to be the gore person. Like the behind-the-scenes bloodmaker person. Yeah. We should probably go see this movie together. I would this movie. Yeah. It's got to be fun to be the gore person, like the behind-the-scenes bloodmaker person. Yeah. We should probably go see this movie together. I would like that. That would be a lot of fun. I would love to be an actor, and you get cast as the lead, and it's like also you're deaf and mute.

And you just get to kill everyone? Yeah. Yeah. Bad ass. Yeah, I'll take that role. We just need you to do, like, quirky facial expressions the entire time. Yeah.

Yeah, sign me up. And then fuck people up. Mm-hmm. All right, so, TJ, you want to spin the wheel? So we can just rip through this. We don't have to. It's just the only thing, the only twist is nope, I do this. So we'll just go.

So Nick, Nick's team, KB's team, I'll act as Titus, and then Kate's team. So we'll just go straight through until everyone's on a team. So team one being Nick's team. Nick. Nick will get, yeah, whoever lands on this. And then we'll just keep doing that. You can call it Nick and Brandon's team, though. No, it's Nick's team.

It's actually Nick's team. Yeah, I guess I'm the captain, but you're my number one guy. Yeah. Yeah. It's like a. I'm the de facto leader. You're my guy. Okay.

You're Brandon. He's Art. No, so Nick and Brandon's team. Yeah, I'll be Brandon. You'll be Art. No, no, you're Art. Ooh, that's a good thing to do a movie about. Yeah.

Let's do it about like, we'll go up to your place. Oh. Art cameo. Mm-hmm. Oh. Oh, shit. Oh, man. We could use your boat and your lake.

We could get some good shots. Probably going to need a stunt cock for him Yeah we'll get a bigger cock A stunt cock Why is Art's penis black I'm not trying to embarrass him Yeah we want him to succeed Alright

Give me Michael Greer Or a woman I want him to succeed. All right. Give me Michael Greer. Or a woman. Worst case scenario. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop! Fuck! Nope, I do. Oh, you're taking Che?

Yeah, right away for Titus? Are you kidding me? Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. The only nope I do I was going to use. There you go. Now I guess you can sit back. No more nope-I-dos. All right, so spin again.

You get the next person. All right. Damn it. My God. I know that Titus actually sent me a text before. He's like, if you're going to be my captain, just make sure we get Che. There we go. I'll take Chief.

No problem. No problem. titus and che the greatest team that's a good team so who's next spin it again it's kb nice oh max yeah i can work with that dad max and joey Max and Joey. You got a lot of beef. You got a lot of beef. Max and Joey's a great couple. And White Sox. And White Sox.

Oh, my God. Great couple. All right, so do I get a pick now or no? Yeah, because you used your note by I do. Okay, all right. Yeah, this is you. So this is... Marsh.

Okay. Oh. Wait, it's not Frank on the team. Because Frank thinks Jake and Che are the same person. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, so I got two Ches. Okay, this is for Kate. Okay.

I know who I want. Oh, this is a good pick. That's a good pick. That's a great pick. Excellent. Nope, I do. No! You motherfucker!

Wow! No! Solid. All right, Kate. It's snakes. You get two spins in a row. Okay. All right.

Damn. That was a good nope, I do. Perfect. Lawrence of in a row. Okay. All right. Damn. We might just have to. That was a good nope-I-do. Perfect. Lawrence of Arabia had no women in it, right? Okay. You have Ohio State. Okay. That's good.

He's a hard worker. Yeah. Thank you. Using a nope-I-do is intoxicating. Yeah. It's the best. No, no. This is Kate again.

Oh, it's Kate again. Snake. Nice. Okay. Wait. Either one is good. Either one is's Kate again. Snake. Nice. Okay. Wait. Either one is good. Either one is good. Nice.

Jeff Donnie. Okay. Jeff Donnie knows like stunts. No, he has a stunt plug in Chicago. Oh, wow. That could like put himself on fire. Hell yes. All right, KB, you're back up.

All right. Oh, no, it's me. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's me. It's me. It's Titus. Mook. Nice. Do it. All right alright Moog and Che on Titus' team and Marsh

now it's KB and Marsh nice yes what a get what a get wow anyone want to use the no buy do No

Okay This is two for you guys and KB and Kate still have their no buy do's Yeah Oh fuck yeah Oh fuck no Oh he's the worst guy in the world Oh fuck So Ron will be here on Wednesday and Thursday Yeah guy in the world. Oh, fuck.

So, Ron will be here on Wednesday and Thursday. Yeah. Fuck yes. Oh, yeah, because, oh, shit, he might be. Do we get smokes? Smokes or caps? I can't tell. What is he going to be here smoking? Making smokes.

All right, we can deal with that. I'm going to give him and Pat a sex scene. Just, oh. All right, so this is back to KB. Me? Yeah. He might be here sooner, you said? Yeah, we're at Bucks playoffs. Yeah, damn.

Nice. No women gone yet. The Bucks don't play until next week. What are you talking about? Oh, sorry, yes. It's this week. Yes, sorry. Who just got Rudy? Oh, sorry. Yes, it's this week. Yes, sorry. Who just got Rudy?

Kyle. Okay. You just throw any little fact into Stephen Che and his whole mainframe malfunctions. This is for me? For Titus? Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, nice. Little broke back. Tang, but tang, lucky. What was that? That's a white boy in Tagalog. I was in Manila on the VR. Practicing with... Are you addicted to the VR?

Nah, I'm just using it a lot. I'm in the honeymoon phase. So you're not like going, you're not going to real places anymore. I saw the bird's nest on Friday. Everyone's like, hey, you want to come, Kyle? And you're like, already there. Yeah, well, that was

a joke. But I go to like things I enjoy like Tomorrowland on VR360. Yeah. And the crowds screaming, woo! And the crowds screaming woo and the DJ says where the fellas at. Went to White Horse Yukon surprisingly midwestern looking. Where's anyone

wants to fill through. And then you were there. Yeah. Whose screenshot is this. Mook. He had me saved as auntie. Oh yeah. Yeah. What. He's my auntie. I didn't know that. He's me in line.

Okay. Wait, who's up? Kate. Is it me? It is, too. Okay. Oh, did you get one? Kyle just got Rudy.

Oh, no, it's me. It's you. It's me. It's me. It's me. It's me. I'm an idiot. No.

Tea. No one wants to know. Come on, anybody. Got a power squad for Titus. This is Kate twice. Spider. That's an excellent man to have in your corner. Shit.

That's a really good one. Brandon, we need a woman. I know we need a woman. This is Kate again. There goes a woman. Brandon, we need a woman. I know we need a woman. This is Kate again. There goes a woman. Oh, God. Kate again. It's for everyone.

I'll take it. She said she can cry on command. Can she? Perfect. Maybe she's just sad. And you get access to Mr. Making Money. Wow. Good bar scene.

Yeah, for drugs, too. This is me. They're Titus they're titus oh that's huge huge well well that's big it's thick for sure that's just how are your acting chops uh grade three uh Grade three honors, colors. Titus and Tommy are going to be a very funny combo because Tommy's going to have all kinds of ideas. Oh, yeah.

That's a good guy to have. He'll just run the show. Yeah. Okay, who's up? KB? Winding it down. No by-dos haven't been used by Kate or KB. Fuck, I forgot I had one.

Yeah, you could have used it. I like memes, yeah. That's a good brain. Memes is a really bad actor. Just so you know. We saw him do his... Ooh, Caroline's still out there. That's a big one. Alright.

Sorry, did Tommy just get picked? No, Tommy's with Titus again. Oh, Stephen's brain is going. It's getting it's like going spoiled. I'm worried. It is. We are worried. We were worried collectively.

We've been talking about it behind your back. Genuinely started a different group chat. Yeah. Yeah. On Friday, because you said to me afterward, you're like, do you guys really not like that game and i was like oh yeah we really did yeah the game was pure dog i hate it every second it was ass and he asked me that and usually when things are bad for us it's good for the viewer you managed to pull it off it sucked for all oh man genuinely che i mean it hurtful hurtful i called you handsome last friday true true you get a grace period thank you

why is he saying everything twice true true his brain is going spoiled We need to, like, we need to refrigerate it or something. Something. Save it. Okay, who's up? I think this is you guys. Yeah, this is us. Nick and Brandon. I want Caroline, but I think she'll get nope-eye dude. It's you, right?

No, he's for Titus, so he's over there. Big Cat's a judge. Okay. Yeah, because I already got Zala in this round. So this is the two of you. Shane or Ivo. We don't know. All right. Shane.

Shane's good with a camera. He is. Towers chops. Bad? He's an upstate New York boy. Okay. New Hampshire. Never had Chipotle until last year.

A lot of things that he's just learned. We could use that. With us again? Recently. Woman. We need just one woman. A woman. Here's a woman. Here's a woman. Stop. Nope.

Kate said it. KB had it first. I had it first. Selfish, Kate. You already have a woman. Did I get it? No. No. You got it.

Can you nope-I-do a nope-I-do? Oh, shit. That nullifies it. That means she goes to me. No. So it's KB's gets Caroline. She does spin again. You guys have no women?

No women. Oh. Oh, wow. She's the top pick for this activity. She is. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. All right.

Kids. Don't. Gansey. No, I do. Are we going to have a womanless team? Yes. And that, as a judge, I will look down on that. Uh-huh.

I guess we could always make a comedy. Good point. Good point. All right, so you guys Have another one You guys have Mad Dog Doing your social Oh okay

We have Mad Dog So when these Behind the scenes People get picked Are there roles Behind the scenes Everybody's doing everything Oh

So you could use Anybody anyway Part of the team Yeah Part of the team Alright Okay so this is your You get another pick

Wonton Don is out there I'm down with everybody As long as we don't get Ebo Beautiful He's just coming back He'll be back the second day, I think So he said he'll be able to play a corpse No, I don't know

Alright, KB, your last pick Ebo. And then for Titus's team, Chaps or Eddie? And then KB. Chaps on Titus's team. And then you get Eddie. Love it. Okay.

So the teams are set. And then Wednesday we'll do the themes. Okay. So the teams are set. And then Wednesday we'll do the themes. Yeah. Which are going to be great. We've got some... Do you want to see those? Yeah, we can show the themes.

Yeah, this is going to be... Yeah. I'm very excited for this. Joey, too. You got hair and makeup. Who has Joey's team? We'll do a traditional draft of the of the theme so it'll be like actually

having to pick so on the genres you have horror horror the Jewish dance I'm also need my brain I was getting ready to say to decide which way I wanted to say biopic or biopic.

That one's hard. And then I got screwed up by horror. I was staring at biopic. You looked too far ahead on the schedule. I basically made a move before I completed the catch. That's right. Horror, biopic, romance plus drama, sports love scene breakup choreographed dance original song barstool quotes dave's last gun in the bullet frank's then i die rigs tougher than the sun

and fasoli's glazing tweet it won't be about me it will be fill in the blank yeah where he said me an emboldened monologue with yeah you'll have to do the whole quote cameo someone under 10 someone over 70 an animal with a line of dialogue and a famous person cameo with dialogue and then trope montage flashback nightmare plus dream breaking the fourth wall and so everybody has to take one i think there's a little bit of strategy there yeah some don't really work together yeah a horror choreographed dance i mean we have all guys if we do a love scene are nicky smokes and pat are gonna have to fuck that's fine i mean who's drafting me or the captain's drafting yeah nicky smokes is he's got to be the last guy in the world who's like very scared of aids is he yeah brings it up all the time who's like very scared of AIDS. Is he? Yeah. Brings it up all the time.

He's like, he said. No, I'm scared of AIDS. Don't get it wrong. No, I know. But like, he's like, he's talking it like it's, it's like 1988. A clear and present danger? Yeah. He said something about, he went to England and watched Arsenal lose, which was very funny

because they lost like the whole season too. And he's like, I'd rather have this than AIDS. Or no, I'd rather have AIDS than this. What? No. Huh? He called me drunk, damn near blackout I'd imagine, and crying. Really? He's like, I don't want to be a sports fan. I just wish I was funny. All the birds here are mid

with no ass. Yeah, he was sad. Oh, shit. Birds with no ass? Yeah, and then he was just like, I'm never going to get a second contract, am I? Dude, no.

No, you aren't. It is coming up to that time. Oh, really? Yeah. Make him do something for it. Maybe we should make him get hate. Yeah, I mean. How bad does he want?

He's going to get a second contract. It's probably going to go like this. Dave's going to text me and be like, Nicky Smokes, second contract? I said, sure. There we go. Congrats to Smokes. That's exactly how it's going to go.

Congrats to Smokes on the extension. Yeah, huge extension. And he's going to just keep doing whatever it is he's doing every day. Not birds with no ass. That's brutal. Mid birds with no ass. To go on vacation to a place with birds? Mid birds with no ass?

It's a horror film. That's the horror film right there. What's the point of going on vacation? Alfred Hitchcock birds with no ass. It's funny that he went to England being like, this is similar to Brazil. Yeah, where are all the honey? This is going to fucking rock.

And Chief went to England too. They didn't go together, did they? No. They both saw their teams. Two of my guys. Yeah, they'll be back. Yeah. They'll be back soon

Alright what else we got Dan Sutter's doing Chef Donnie right now What's for lunch Oh we were talking About fat moves All time fat move By me on Friday night

What'd you do Got hammered at the bar Blackout drunk Get back to my apartment Two in the morning Order Taco Bell Ten minutes go by Order is not moving

I'm freaking out i'm like i need my food i look it up on maps it says it's closed i'm like all right i gotta send another order this is gonna cancel i said mcdonald's three minutes later taco bell someone's picking up my order oh no mcdonald's also on the way and within five minutes of each other i got a full drunk taco bell order and full mc full McDonald's order and just went the fuck. Did you eat both of them? Yeah. Hell yeah.

That sounds awesome. It was great, but it was like $75 worth of drunk food. That's fine. That sounds incredible. Yeah. I bet your door dashers passed each other. Yeah. Like, what's this guy?

Salute. yeah like what's this guy salute yeah do you ever had like the when you do an order and they ask how many like plates or knives you know like just one chinese restaurants just assume that's like a dinner for three and i hate it yeah i don't need this many fortune cookies yeah that always hurts a little but then you just power through you do do it um steven what do you have on your other today would you chop five years off your life for the ability to teleport yeah this other is special today oh boy what do you what color do you think alien are i missed it now sorry sorry um what is this what color do you think alien are? What?

I think that's a reasonable question. Yeah, like fish or moose. That is a... I have no way of guessing. Yeah. Translucent? That's an option. What other options are there?

Maybe they're multiple colors. Green. Steven, would you chop five years off your life to be able to teleport? I would. Without a doubt. That's an easy one. That's a long time. The last five years of your life are going to suck. Dude, teleporting would be the coolest thing of all time.

I'd do 10, 20 years. You could have gone to the Masters. But what if you agree to do it, to trade in the last five years of your life for teleporting, and then you find out you're actually scheduled to die in four years. And you die, but so what? Brandon, you could live in Mississippi.

You could. Yeah. Holy shit. And that would probably also take five years off your life. If I... Yeah, I would do that. I don't think you would. I think – Why is he pointing me so fast?

I think because you would stay right here where you are. No, I wouldn't. I would love to go home. You'd teleport between Art's bed. No, no. That doesn't explain why you did this. Because I don't think you would. I'm giving you like –

I would love to. A fun guff because you're happy here. Yeah, don't think you would. I'm giving you the fun, Guff, because you're happy here. Yeah, I'm happy. I'm happy here. I would be happier in Mississippi, but I'm happy here. What kind of home could you get in Mississippi for what you got this home here? Oh, the best home. Wait, so how often would you teleport?

I'd teleport every day. I wouldn't walk ever again. Never. Yeah, you're right. All right, what's the nature of the teleportation? Do you have to go to a certain part or sitting right here? No, you just snap your finger. I want to be in Denver.

I'm in Denver. Yeah. That's so worth five years. Oh, that's worth more than five years. What if you land in a bad spot? No, you say you do your actual location. You got to visualize it. You can touch a map.

All right. I could go get us pizza right now from Italy. Yeah. Oh, wow. Now we're- You guys want pizza? No problem. Both.

You want Taco Bell? No problem. Italian Taco Bell. Italian Taco Bell. In pussy. Out of pussy. Whoa. Wow.

That's how long you last? Yeah. That's all we all need yeah one dip teleporting yeah that would be like heaven i don't know that seems the only problem is you wouldn't rapey other okay oh god if you haven't told the pussy you're coming i mean the pussy knows i'm coming the only problem is you wouldn't like no one else would be able to do it so would that kind of suck no that's all the better is you wouldn't like no one else would be able to do it. So would that kind of suck? That's all the better. You think so?

Everyone could do it. That would be miserable. No, but like say for the Masters, you can't like bring your friend to the Masters. This is your selfishness. What if anyone you're kissing while you teleport? Okay. That's a good escape. Oh, that's the only way. The only way is you have to lock lips and then I say it and we both go.

What if you had to hold my dick, Brandon? Would you do it for me to take you to Hawaii right now? You and me at Wahoo. Just grab it. I got to hold. Yeah, I'd hold your dick. You would have to, right? You would hold, yeah.

I'd be mad if you didn't. I'd be crazy not to hold his dick. I'd hold so much dick. Yes. It'd be normalized, yeah. I just. I was about to say something. I'm not going to say it. That was credit to me.

Why won't you just let me? I know. Credit to me. I just said I wasn't going to say it. I know what you were going to say. What was I going to say? You don't know what I was going to say. I know what you were going to say.

You do not know that I was going to say, how big does your hand look in Art's dick? Right. You didn't know I was going to say that. Why can't you let me have a friend? You did not know I was going to say that. No chance. Did you know that in McDonald's in France that sweet and sour sauce is called Chinese sauce? What?

In McDonald's in France, the sweet and sour sauce, the traditional McDonald's sweet and sour sauce is called Chinese sauce. What? In McDonald's in France, the sweet and sour sauce, the traditional McDonald's sweet and sour sauce is called Chinese sauce. Is that offensive? I don't see how that sauce is associated with Chinese people at all. Sweet and sour. That's a Chinese sauce. Did you say China people? No. He did.

He did. That seems very Chinese to me. Yeah. Sweet and sour sauce like for nuggets? But you just said China people. Wait, are they Chinoise? This is like- Chinoise? Stephen is basically the-

French. Stephen is now living out the episode of The Office when Dwight gets a concussion. He's living out multiple Dwight episodes. That's what's happening right now. He just said China people like it was nothing. Yeah. I meant to say Chinese if that's how the mic picked it up. You mean by saying it?

Yeah, I guess the mic picked it up. DJ, play it back. He said that, right? Am I going crazy? I mean, let's say I did say that. I can say that. Yeah, I agree, but it's still a shocking thing to say. And I don't know if you're Chinese enough to be able to do it.

You're right in that no man's land. You're in the sweet pocket. You're in the sweet and sour pocket. Yeah. I meant to say. He's living out multiple. Steven is now living out the episode of the. French.

Steven is. Yeah. Sweet and sour sauce like for nuggets. But you just. You say China people. How that sauce is suited with China people at all. Yeah. Mike picked it up. Sweet and sour. people? How that sauce is associated with Chinese people at all. Yeah! I don't see how that sauce

is associated with Chinese people at all. Sweet and sour. Yeah. Clearly meant to say Chinese. No! Yeah, I mean, you can say it. Well, we are losing the original point that he didn't think sweet and sour sauce should be associated with Chinese people. Yeah, what ethnicity?

Nuggets. Nuggets ethnicity? No. What about sweet can see it. Nuggets ethnicity? What about sweet and sour chicken like at a Chinese restaurant? I don't think it tastes like that sauce. I can see France calling ranch packets America sauce. Cool Ranch Doritos are called Cool American, aren't they? Must be. I think they are.

That'd be awesome. That's badass. Yeah, that's sick. I'd love to be associated with ranch. Yeah. I think we are. That is us. That's us. So we love to be associated with ranch. Yeah, I think we are. That is us. So we're ranch? Yeah.

America, for sure. Fuck them. We're not blue cheese, no. I'm blue cheese over ranch. With wings. With wings. Heavens no. Gosh, no. Really?

Classic curry. What's creamy deluxe? Is that ranch? Classic curry. What's Creamy Deluxe? Is that ranch? Classic chinoise. We came to McDonald's in Paris to try all of the sauces that they don't have in the U.S. How are all these guys' voices the same? That is interesting. Classic chinois sauce.

It's a Chinese sauce. You're right, Kyle. It basically tastes like a sweet lemon sauce. Yeah, you said it exactly right. The next sauce we tried is this classic curry sauce. You're right, Kyle. Yeah, you said it exactly right. Is that nugget huge or is that man tiny? What came first, though? The guy's voice or like... List guys all have the same voice.

DJ, you know the guy. Number 10. Number 15. Burger King you know the guy. Number 10. Yeah. Number 15. Burger King foot lettuce. Right. The guys that go to like showcase high school basketball games

all sound the same. Yeah. Have we been creating these guys though? Or like, did they just start? It is pretty good though. They heard one person

do it on TikTok and then they all do it. It's so creamy. I love a good garlic aioli. I think they're so immersed in that life. It's bomb. You can just put it on. It then they all do it. It's so creamy. I love a good garlic aioli. I think they're so immersed in that life. It's bomb. You can just put it on.

It's bomb. All right. Yeah, they're all like, it was lit. That guy was just eating fries. Okay. What's wrong, Brandon? Nothing. You miss Titus?

I do. He'll be back Wednesday. He'll be good. He's having a great vacation yeah saw him in the pool so living it up yep love and life has no idea right now that he has to work hand in hand with steven shea for 48 hours that poor guy to jump right into work he's gonna have a quite uh entry back into the real world if you entry back into the real world, if you can call this the real world.

Oh, he's chilling. Hung out. Great pick. Great hat. He's got a boner right there. Definitely does. He has a filter. Oh, yeah.

Buy a hat. He's getting sucked off by the filter. That's nice. Yeah. What a fucking guy. Che, how are your acting chops I starred as a Grandpa Joe in a fourth grade production of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

which was one of the lead roles he just has to have kids sleeping in his bed stuck in the bed with a bunch of people I mean Grandpa Joe is with Charlie the whole time yeah you're right he's the one who goes through the burp to get down from the fan. Do you remember any of the lines? Can you give us a little taste?

I don't remember any of it. I barely remember being there. How did they have the special effects for you to be floating up from the soda? I don't recall. Sounds like he's on trial. I barely remember being there. I don't recall. It was like 28 years ago. Shit, we're getting old. I do remember being there. I don't recall. It was like 28 years ago.

Shit, we're getting old. I do remember forgetting a line, though. Oh, no. Yeah, not the best. Did they keep going? Yes, eventually we just skipped over it. That's brutal. I've never been in a play. I as well have not.

I was Jesus in second grade. You were Jesus? A ginger Jesus? Oh, yeah. Crushed it. Che, I have a question for you, though. I want to gauge how Asian you are. Oh, good question.

Here's a good question. I think this is a good test for how ethnic people are. Do you refer to us as your white friends? Do you go, these white people do crazy shit? No. I don't think he's that Asian though. I'm not very Asian. Just wanted to

gauge that. My white neighbor taught me how to use chopsticks in high school. Wow. Yeah, you're not. Yeah. No, you're not. Your dad didn't want to teach you? He did, but unsuccessfully. Or tried. Oh, Jesus.

Did he pull your Ocean Avenue? The band. The band. the band Che are you gonna are you gonna promise to win this playoffs last playoffs you had a bad playoffs what are we talking about trust the data

way too many ahs yeah I mean it's definitely harder to handicap games that are back toto-back teams, but I've been doing well since March. Since March? Yeah, you finished, what, three units up? Yeah, 3.5, 3.8. Are you excited for the draft, Jay, next week?

We have the draft show coming. Yeah, next Thursday. Yeah, I'm pumped. I did a lot of work on it this weekend. Everyone's coming here, 3.8. Are you excited for the draft, Jay, next week? We have the draft show coming. Yeah, next Thursday. Yeah, I'm pumped. I did a lot of work on it this weekend. Everyone's coming here, right? Yes. So, wait, will Roan be here back-to-back weeks? It looks that way.

Yes. Great. Love that. Will Compton be here? Yes. Frank the Tank? Yes. Roan's vacation looks awesome.

Roan's vacation's better than anyone. It's insane. He's like in an ice cave. Every time you see his Instagram stories, you're just like, this guy, he's doing it again. He must be. Something like that. Yeah, he was in Iceland. I'm not cultured enough to travel.

I don't know. I gotta get a passport this year. I'm too lazy, I think, to travel. Traveling scares me. I feel like Roan goes everywhere and fits in and is classy. He has a cool fit everywhere he goes. He has the best time. I'd be the dumb American.

His stories are incredible. Look at him. He's in the Blue Lagoon. You're not supposed to get your hair under the Blue Lagoon, though. Oh, you aren't? That shit's going to feel like straw. Oh, I would never want to do that probably had a terrible vacation yep i bet his hair's all messy his hair's all fucked up

this is awesome wow come on and he does it every single like you'll just reindeer steak food man the best banter you can talk to a. Yeah, he's just got it going on. I'm all in. Stips, dips, dips. Is that a filter? Nah, he's mine. No. What was that?

That was a filter or something? He's wearing sunglasses? Oh, there's a second guy. Hey, what's going on? He's dirty, too. What's up? What's up, dirty boy? How we doing?

What? The first guy had a... Guys. What's up, dirty boy? Man, that was kind of bully. He's filthy. He's covered in grime. He was filthy. You looked very nice.

Dirty Boy. What's up, you fucking scumbag? Brynn, do the NASCAR ad read. Were you about to get up and pee? I was about to get up and pee. Come on, Adam. Is that real? Are you about to get up and pee? I was about to get up and pee Oh come on Adam Oh that is God is that real?

Bullshit man All that needs is a piss stream You could watch that in VR I guess I could They're in the rainbow That looks so amazing That's crazy We're just sitting here watching this awesome vacation

Yeah this is nice I just go to the Jersey Shore every year That's crazy. We're just sitting here watching his awesome vacation. Yeah, this is nice. I just go to the Jersey Shore every year. And vacations are out now. Kids' vacations, they don't exist. Not like this. Hey, Brandon. Not like this, yeah.

Ro might be the best liver I know. Yeah, he really is living better than anyone else. Fuck. This guy. But he makes an effort to live very well. He does. He's good. Yeah, he's like your one friend.

He's like, he's really getting everything out of life. He's trying to live, which is still like more than. I'm just trying not to die. Yeah. Fuck, that's the difference between you and Ron. But I am slowly dying. Try as you might. It's coming for me.

All right. NASCAR? Yeah. NASCAR. Purchase tickets to Tailgate with Brianna and Grace O'Malley in Talladega's famous North Park camping area. Tickets for the Tailgate will also include general admission to the GEICO 500, a Barstool Dega t-shirt, and access to a Saturday night concert featuring Walker Hayes. Talladega Super Speedway is known as NASCAR's biggest and baddest track,

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That's your NASCAR ad read for Monday. Great job, Bree. Talladega is so much fun. Is that where you do WrestleDate, girl? Yeah. I was taking shots out of a large man's belly button uh I got a question to TJ you probably know the answer this Tony P's out Davis Hive is in um I don't know we might be past Davis Davis just shit himself wait wait what he just shit himself at the Boston Marathon. Explain to me Davis.

He gets up, he gets after it. Sometimes he's feeling bad, but he gets up and he goes to work. And he grinds hard and he gets dialed. Where is he? Is he also DC or is he Boston? Boston. And what does he do? Something in spreadsheets.

Okay. Wait, he just shit himself? Yeah, while running the Boston Marathon. Can we see this? Yeah He's very open about it So I'm late to the Davis hive? He's massive He's bigger than Tony

Really? He's got like half a million followers on Instagram And he just And he linked with Tony recently actually The only one I saw was he was like He did a video where he failed the CFP What is it? CFA CFA round three or something.

Yeah. It's tough. But was he optimistic? He's always optimistic. He's always going hard. This is Davis Hive. Oh, my goodness. Yeah, that second post.

I think it's him at the Boston Marathon. After the people. 2-56. I shit my pants like crazy. Oh, my God. He really shit his pants Oh my god That's so much shit Uh huh

Yeah Holy But he just He kinda glosses over it 256 is an insane time Yeah he's He's good Oh my god Yeah he's good. Oh, my God.

Yeah, he's like if Tony P went David Goggins mode. Got it. Boy, is he rectangle, huh? Yeah. Every piece of him is rectangle. Every little bit of him. Wow. Oh, yeah.

Getting fancy tonight with turkey and pasta. Cold leftovers. Guess how I like them. That's a real Italian dinner right there. Take notes, Tommy. Tom, is he talking to you? Ready to rip on this beautiful Monday morning. Let's have a day, people.

So he's just doing that. Yep. Down to the tavern to hang out. It's been a while. How you doing, Michael? Hey, Michael's doing good. Wait, I want more of out. It's been a while. How you doing, Michael? Good. Hey, Michael's doing real well. Wait, I want more of Michael. He's doing good.

Absolute legend over here. We've got Rich. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Play that again. Unbelievable people. Let's go. What did Michael and Rich just do with their hands? Michael goes down to the tavern to hang out.

It's been a while. How you doing, Michael? Good. Hey, Michael's doing real well. Won every single video game, I think, too. Absolute legend over here. We've got real... Chefed up a bowl of bison.

It's literally got one ingredient, bison, nothing on it. Cooked to perfection. Let's go. What? Night at the museum vibes right here. This guy has no hat game. It was Jared's 30th birthday. Let's go.

Get the people fired up. Get the people fired birthday. Let's go. Get the people fired up. Get the people fired up. Let's go. So this is just another guy who's just like positive all the time? Oh, yeah. It seems like his audience doesn't like him. A week of my life is a 25-year-old bachelor in D.C. On Monday, it was a special day as I grabbed breakfast with my cousin in the morning

before finally meeting up with two absolute legends, my man Davis Clark and his brother Brennan for dinner at Smiley Melend. Davis and Brennan? Davis and Brennan? And we truly ate like kings. I think I'm a Davis guy. Yeah, I love it. I think I'm a Davis guy.

I mean, he shit his pants and he was fired up about it. Casual about it. He's the most positive guy. He wears that hat regularly? That hat's cool. I feel like that's the final boss of self-confidence. Yeah. Is to wear a hat like that and just be like, yeah, this is my hat.

Yeah. Like wearing a hat like that.on's been on davis davis in his bag damn davis what a legend i mean he looks like a like a drawing of someone yeah yeah that rectangular is Dan Soder still cooking with Donnie? let's see oh yeah they're still cooking, they're still chefing up still doing it what are you going to ask about wrestling?

I probably wasn't going to why not? come on I wanted you to well why not? the last time I asked somebody about wrestling y'all made fun of me for it. No, no, no, no. When was that? When we had the wrestlers.

And y'all made me ask the first question, and then y'all stopped. There's so many better questions for Big E. Right. Did he get his name from the eye chart? No. Oh, yeah. So I'm not going first this time. I want you to go first.

No, I went first last time. And it was a setup. Do you want to ask about Drew McIntyre's contract ending? I think it's probably signed already. Go ahead. No. No, no, go ahead. It's probably signed already.

He is? Drew McIntyre, I would assume. We got to, without letting him know, after we spin the wheel, we need to spin the forgot your hug wheel. Yeah. And end the show with that. I hate that wheel. You created it.

Yeah, you did. I hate a lot of things I create. Almost everything, actually. Hey, do you have Dan come in once he's done with... Dirty, dirty, dirty boy. Stop. Hey, what's up? Did he clean up?

He might have. That's a different guy. That's a different guy. Stop. Hey, what's up? Did he clean up? He might have. I think that's a different guy. That's a different guy. I think you made him clean up. No, I think that's a different guy. No, no, no, no, no. That was the same guy. That's the first guy.

That's my guy. Biggest of dibs. Oh, man. You're right. He did clean up. He cleaned up. He's magnificent. You made him go clean up.

Well, he was dirty. He needed to clean up, so he probably just noticed. But how are we going to know he's Dirty Boy. Well, he was dirty. He needed to clean up, so he probably just noticed. But how are we going to know he's Dirty Boy? Yeah, you're right. Dirty Boy's always Dirty Boy. Once Dirty, always Dirty Boy. That's a good fucking nickname. Dirty Boy.

I'd love to have a crew of Dirty Boys. Here comes Nick and the Dirty Boys. I'm clean as a whistle. With him behind me? The Dirty Boys. Just clouds of Sutton. Like Kyle's Halloween costume. Oh, my.

Nick, do you remember, I think, early, like your first week, you said you wanted a crew of what name? Hoyts. I wanted Nick and the Hoyts. Why? There weren't enough Hoyts. I thought it would just be cool if, like, every dude I was chilling with was named Hoyt.

Wait, how do you spell Hoyt? H-O-Y-T. Yeah. That's a first name? Oh, yeah. Holy shit. Is that short for something? No. Just Hoyt? We've got to find you a Hoyt? H-O-Y-T. That's a first name? Oh yeah. Holy shit. Is that short for something? No. Just Hoyt? We gotta find

you a Hoyt. It's almost like a sound you make when you heave something heavy. Have you ever found one Hoyt? Yeah, there were a few Hoyts at the DMs and they were like, yo, I'm Hoyt. I said, you're perfect. Tired. We gotta find you a Hoyt. I want like 12 Hoyts. But they might have been lying about being

Hoyts. Yeah, you never know anymore. Hoyt's a farmer's name to me. There's some Hoyts. Hoyt Wilhelm. Hoyt Vandenberg. There was a Hoyt subway station in New York. Hoyt Skimhorn. There we go.

Vandenberg was a war hero? Yeah, for what team was Hoyt on? Oh, he played on a lot. Oh, okay. Who's on that team? Nice. Oh, there's an air base named after him. Oh, really?

Yes, a big one. Well, that was a good Hoyt. He didn't live very long. There's only been three Hoyts. Three famous Hoyts. Would last name Hoyt, if you called him Hoyt, work? No. No, you need it first.

It's got to be first name. Should we do a competition finding Nick's Hoyt? I want a ton of Hoyts. Yeah, no, we do the competition. Yeah, you don't want them all. You want them all. I want 12 Hoyts. So if we find like 14 Hoyts and then we just eliminate two.

Cut two. Yeah, cut two. Yeah. Wait, I cut to. Yeah. Wait, I love that. Yeah. All right. If you're a Hoyt, email TJ or yeah.

TJ, can you tell them where to email? And I just want to roll to the bar with 12 Hoyts once. And we need a dozen. Yeah, we need, we'll take up to 20 Hoyts, but we're only going to keep 12 of them.

Yes. That's like the disciples. You got to get a picture at a long table. Yes, very much. We're not going to find 20 Hoyts. You don't think we can find 20 Hoyts, but we're only going to keep 12 of them. That's like the disciples. You've got to get a picture at a long table. We're not going to find 20 Hoyts. You don't think we can find 20 Hoyts? Can we just go to Facebook or LinkedIn right now and see how many Hoyts there are? Just get a Hoyt. It's a common last name, so that's going to be

confusing. We'll just type in Hoyt Smith. Oh, a bunch. There's enough Hoyts in America. Is there a Hoyt Hoyt? Hoyt Stanley. Oh, I want him. Oh, shit, and he's a ginger.

No. He plays hockey for Cornell. So it's just a combination of mook and root. Hoyt Von Hoyt. Yeah. Hoyt Von Hoyt. Hoyt Von and root. Hoyt Von Hoyt. Yeah. Hoyt Von Hoyt. Hoyt Von Hoyt. Hoyt Von Hoyt.

Wait, go to Hoyt Stanley on Instagram. He's a championship movie guy. There's a Hoyt Hoyt in Oppenheimer. There's a Hoyt Van Hoytema. Cinematographer. Dude, got to get him here for the film. He's got a good eye. Hoyt won an Oscar for it. Hoyt Van Hoytema. Now he's got a good eye he won an oscar for now he's dating what is what

nationality because remember gattier is spelled like that that might be hoitier hoitier yeah probably pronounced differently go to instagram and go to hoit stanley i think this is you you just found you can basically get rid of mook and rudy is it a ginger hockey player ginger hockey player cornell hockey player for Cornell. Yeah. Two bye boys. Smarter than both of them. Yeah.

You got, yeah, we just, we're going to streamline. Yeah. Anus with a Hoyt. This is smart. One Hoyt can do two man's jobs. Great swap. Oh, that's a good Hoyt. Oh.

I'm intimidated by this guy. Did he get drafted? He got drafted. Oh. I just DM'd him. Okay. I just said, hey, we're looking for some Hoyts. You in? That got drafted. Oh, gosh. I just GM'd him. Okay. I just said, hey, we're looking for some Hoyts you in. That could be like your intro.

I haven't seen that in class. Yeah. He's in like intro to finance right now. I hope he hits me back. He's got to. He's from Vancouver. Yeah. Everybody comment Hoyt on his last post.

Yeah. Yeah, I got Hoyt. Yeah. Hoyt. Hoyt. Just last post. Yeah. Yeah, I got Hoyt. Yeah. Hoyt. Hoyt. Just let him know. We got, we're on to Hoyt. Looks like Soder's coming.

All right, Hoyt. Dan Soder's here. Hey. What's up? Come on. You sit right there. Are we just going to talk about wrestling? Yeah, we can.

We are. Are we just going to talk about WrestleMania 40? Yes. Do you know the Yak at all, Dan? I got this. watched shane's case right yeah okay yeah uh yeah i watched that i watched him with a painted on eagle's helmet get wild yeah we tried to do what snl couldn't and my favorite i'm not gonna lie out of the face paint uh will compton sting wolf pack yes was the best and then he took off his pants and he's got nothing. I mean, I don't know. I never saw Sting take off his pants. But yeah, Brandon is a

huge, huge wrestling guy. Were you rooting for Cody to finish the story? Or were you rooting for... I honestly didn't care. I didn't either. I was just interested to see how they're going to pull it off. And they pulled it off perfectly. I was upset it wasn't... I'm upset we didn't get the glass break.

I was expecting the glass break. Yeah. I was expecting the glass break. But Undertaker is a good silver medal. It's great. Great stepdad. Yeah. But you wanted the glass break. Wanted it bad.

But that was probably the best WrestleMania since WrestleMania 30. That's exactly right. Which one's WrestleMania 30? That was Daniel – The one you went to. Oh, yeah. Daniel Bryant. That's Undertaker losing to Brock.

Yeah. And Daniel Bryant winning the first match and then winning the triple threat. And it started with Hogan, Austin Rock all in the ring at the same time. Yeah, wasn't that when Hogan called it the Silverdome? Yeah. The Silverdome, brother. So what's up, man? What's up, guys?

Dan's got his new special on YouTube. Yeah, on the road. I watched it this morning. Awesome. Thanks, man. Very, very funny. Yeah, it was just very easy man very very funny yeah it was just very easy to go film and put it on youtube there's like zero notes zero bullshit yeah anybody

it's just like why haven't i been doing this earlier yeah that was the exact thought that i had do you when you when you put something on youtube though is it is that burn material yeah it's gone that sucks so now it's now i'm just on the road building a new hour which i don't understand how you guys you build it in real time what do you mean like you're you're building like you go i probably had like maybe 50 like so we filmed an hour and then as we were editing it we were like why don't we just start it right where this joke starts and so the stuff that i cut i still use on the road because no one saw that so that's like you know that, but then you're also just trying to build new stuff. It always blows my mind,

because we've been doing this show for six, seven years, and we just make the same jokes over and over and over. We don't do anything. Talk about two things. Yeah, but that also gets fun, because then you get new takes on old things where you're like, oh, I never said that before. Or like a new angle on something.

All right, well, let me try this out for you. Do you know anyone named Hoyt? Hoyt? Like a first name name? Yeah. Man, that sounds like a white dude that grew up sailing. Okay, what? Not too far off where Nick's trying to find as many Hoyts as he can. You're trying to round up Hoyts? I want 12.

You want a half a case of Hoyts? Yeah. We found one who is a hockey player. He's perfect. Hockey players makes complete nuts. A white sport. Yeah. You're not going to find too many track and field guys named Hoyts. No, Hoyts aren't fast. Hoyts have never been fast.

It's sturdy. Sailing, absolutely. We got to do a competition. We've done this before. We tried to find the funniest Travis in America. And it turns out we found one. And then a year later later like literally last month he came here and his he had just faked his name no yeah which actually proved our point that there

are no funny Travis's because second place in the funniest Travis wasn't funny yeah he was in his name no his name was his name was trying to think if I know any Travis's that are hilarious right I know any any Travis I do know now there's going to be like, what the fuck? Yeah. They're going to see this and be like, you threw me under the bus. Yeah. You know X Games, Travis. Oh, yeah.

There's so many X Games, Travis. Yeah, right. There's also good, like, a lot of alcoholics named Travis. Right. But not funny Travis's. Funny Travis. Who is a funny Travis? I mean, Travis Kelsey, but is he?

He's not funny. No, no, no. Taylor Swift. Dude, and that like, it's starting to get that beer slam at his college graduation. You know when you're like, come on, dude. That was tough. Come on, dude. Take one play off, man.

Yeah, there's something about, and I saw someone say this, the tweet under it, where they're like, he's trying to be Gronk real bad Yeah, and it is it feels like when it got you know what it is He's in divorce mode because he got divorced and that energy is still Rampant yeah, I'm young I'm fun, and you're like just be old you know was he married even a long-term relationship Yeah, it was it was that it was like you got out of a long-term relationship and he's like, I'm fun and young. Look at me. I can't judge any of that because we piss our pants all the time. We did Fart

Eliminator last week. Randomly, the show can't end until everyone farts into a mic. Who was the last? Well, the booth didn't fart at all. I had to see a solo hand. How quick did all. The booth was fart shot. I could see one hand go up. I could see a solo hand. How quick did you fart?

I was middle road. Middle road? Yeah. Kate did a, she did like very- Audio only. Yeah, she went behind the TV. And I was a lady. It fucking reeked.

We all closed our eyes. Did it sound like a- Pure shit. A lot of lady farts are similar to dog farts, where they just go. Yeah. Or it's like a puff of air yeah there's no butt cheek ripple like a dude fart you'll get like a yeah there was a little rumble too i was afraid because it's a make or break like if it was like wet oh that would have been tough bad would have been

splash back yeah past the age of 30 any fart might have some splash yes yes and that's the worst because then you you clinch late. It's like when you see a corner drop an interception and you're like, oh, your brain reacted. Yeah. Just a second later. The reflexes are just not.

Where it just goes right off their chest and they're like, ah, shit. You lost a step. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Who had the best fart? Will probably.

Will Compton. He had a lot of farts. I don't know if that means the best. He had a four piece in one. Well, I mean, Kyle trick shot i did again that's all flat i say the worst fart what was yours oh mine was the worst it was like a little uh twirl like axe triple axle 360 no scope it wasn't a face i'm a fart enthusiast because i don't have a sense of smell yeah so it's all positive what's that covid a mix of that and smoking cigarettes at a young age that makes sense and just blowing it through my nose and now i just i could farts

are just purely funny for me now oh yeah it's the best yeah i love it don't show them don't show them because i kind of hyped it up too much don't get shy oh my god don't get shy what the show him your fart. Yeah, dude, I want to see your moment. I don't want you to see it, because then you're going to fake laugh. You don't know that. You don't know how much I love farts. Take it from him.

Steal. Yoink. Yoink. Yeah, dude. You sit on it too long. Nope, I do his fart. That was good. That was good.

That was almost like a triple axel fart. Yeah, you didn't laugh but i still enjoyed it i don't know if you did i didn't say now that was a negative experience no no no you gotta let go you gotta let it just because someone doesn't laugh doesn't mean they don't enjoy right you're right trust me i've had a lot of shows where people are smiling and you're like i fucking bombed and then they're like i had a great time you're like then laugh that's the worst fucking i can sleep i've been in that position where i didn't laugh but it was like i loved that was really funny sometimes what sucks is when someone expects a laugh and you're just like no no i don't know i was enjoying it i was taking it

in yeah i didn't know if the twirl was going to come pre or post fart yeah i was you enjoyed it i i really enjoyed it yeah that was like that john Calipari press conference the other day where he's like, I talked to the team. There is no team. And he was hoping all the reporters would laugh. No one laughed. And it just fell so dead. And I was like, dude, that's a great line.

That guy, I knew I was fucked because I had Kentucky going pretty far. And then that press conference where he's like, billion dollars. We've made four billion dollars on kentucky and then i was like oh no yeah immediately they lose yeah what are you gonna say kyle how tall are you six three that's what you're gonna say like tall is an advantage or disadvantage for stand-up uh i don't know probably advantage because people could see you yeah farther back we're talking real i don't know i've never thought about i've never thought about height in stand-up i think you probably too tall

and people would get like lurched out is there a famous tiny comedian i think tiny would be fun heaven hearts we haven't hearts very small burn them very tall a comedy audience wants like you to be as weird looking as possible yeah Yeah, I think that does help. I feel like if you're too tall, the audience will be disappointed. You have to address it every single time and then you might get burned out

on the tallness. Yeah. The audience can be like, he's seven feet tall and he didn't mention it the whole time. Why didn't you guys talk? But I think a lot of times

when I meet people, they're always like, oh, you're taller than I expected. So I think that's actually a good thing. They probably think that I'm smaller. That's good. Yeah, but that also could mean you're giving off short energy, you're taller than I expected. So I think that's actually a good thing. They probably think that I'm smaller. That's good.

Yeah, but that also could mean you're giving off short energy, which is not good. No. But also, all comics have short energy. Yes. Because there's a reason we're on stage every night asking people for us to love us. That's baseline.

Right. Short energy. Do you want to do the Yak Gauntlet? Do you know it? So they're explaining it to me. I'm dog shit at basketball. So that's the one thing that makes me very nervous. So Sam Talent did it.

I love Sam Talent. Yeah. King of Denver. So he's who gave me your number when I texted you yesterday. Yeah. And he had a scouting report for you. I would love to hear Sam Talent's scouting report on me. So Sam, when he came, he did really well.

Yeah. Because he said that he was like, my dad's watching and I don't want to let him down. So I asked him and he said, I'd hammer the over on four minutes. He won't take it serious. He'll be stoned and he has no dad. True. Let me go through this and rebuttal. My dad's always watching.

That's true. Wow. He's upstairs. Or down there. Number two, stop smoking weed. I'm taking a two-month break. Oh, hell yes. So I'm like 12 days fresh.

Are you still like negative effects? It just stops. I'm emotional. 10 to 15 is what I'm feeling. That could be emotions. Dude, I'm feeling emotions. This is the longest I've gone not getting high in 26 years. Holy shit. Since I was 15. Are your dreams coming back gone not getting high in 26 years. Oh shit since I was 15

Are your dreams coming back to you vivid is fuck? Oh, that's yeah I had a whole waiting shift last night in my dream. Holy shit like and I'm not talking about I Waited on a full table. How did you do horrible? Oh, that was the problem I know that it was a nightmare and then I was like I was like standing up for myself in the dream I was like standing up for myself in the dream. I was like, man, fuck this table. I don't even know how to eat. I don't have a job. That's awful.

I had a whole shift. It was nuts. I didn't know the four-way. What was the special? It was a couple that came in, and I fucked up the menu, and they were like, this guy sucks. And I was running to get their order in. Have you ever waited before?

I was a waiter for a while. Okay. So I was back in it. I was back in the shit. my god yeah dude it was it was fucking intense i've had some intense dreams that's actually scary like when you have like really yeah like i've been having some scary dreams yeah i've been taking too much melatonin all right and it's like it's always the first like 30 minutes i fall asleep and i'm like holy fuck dude i had a dream i when i used to go visit my grandma in san francisco i wouldn't like i didn't want to get high around her because you know a little respect yeah but then i would start having vivid dreams about the third night

i had a dream when i was visiting my grandma that a guy pulled out a gun and i tried to smuggle it away from him and i shot him and then i ran and i was like well i'm i'm gonna be wanted for murder right i'm gonna be and i woke up and i was like oh thank god i'm going to be wanted for murder. Right. And I woke up, and I was like, oh, thank God. I, like, sat on the edge of my bed being like. Takes you a second. Yeah. We're like, oh, man. I woke up this morning in a hotel room in Chicago,

and I was like, oh, my God, dude. I thought I wasn't going to get tipped on that table. Tips are going to be shit. So I don't know. I would say under four. I don't think under four. What's the longest anyone's taken? So, you're going to be good there.

So, our guy Jeff D'Lo took nine and a half minutes. He went. I just think the three-pointer might be. Okay, but listen. He did like 70 shots. Yeah, he went. I think we did the stats. He went like two for like 87 shots.

I think if I can come in relaxed. Yeah. What was Sam's time? Sam did really well. Yeah I can come in relaxed. Yeah. What was Sam's time? Sam did really well. Yeah, Sam's sneaky athletic. Yeah. He also, you also have some guys on here that like the good news is. Did you beat Brandon Marshall?

Yeah. Does he know that? Yeah. Oh, my God. He was pumped. He's a huge Bronco. I know. We also like Cam Newton had a terrible time.

So you'll be okay for that. We had to move Cam Newton on from the football. Yeah, we have the camera. He didn't hit the football. He couldn't do it and do it. Yeah, we're like, dude, do you want to play again? That's horrible. I mean, he was in a top hat, so it was kind of.

Yeah, you wonder how that affects the throw. Well, the magician was also in a top hat. Oh, yeah. Let's have someone else go, too, first. Because people have been saying that our guests, we've not been doing a good job of explaining it. Well, I think, let me, if I can can explain it maybe that'll show you if i understand the concept yeah you do a cornhole shot yep right you land that then do you go to a basketball shot and it's soccer soccer so it's three penalty kicks three shots on the soccer if you don't

hit the first three you can score from anywhere our goal goalie, Jake Malasek. And there is a goalie. He's a real motherfucker. He's pacing over there. He loves to embarrass people. Hey, Jake. Oh, he's got the gloves on? Yeah. Oh, it's for real, dude.

Dude, I thought I was just going to shoot on an empty net. Let's have one of us go, though, to show you so that you can feel comfortable with it. And then the part that we have done a really bad job explaining, at the end, there's a sporkle. And all you got to do is get 10 answers right from any of the categories so like there could be a category that's like afc west teams great rip them off great it's four out of ten okay go to like you know uh prime numbers the competitor in me feels like i need to do this yeah all right so we'll have also i don't want to

let down sam talent i feel like he scouted me yeah yeah that's my guy and there's only been two people who've denied to do oh three people who dave portnoy antoine walker and stav stavi yeah why didn't stavi stavi by the way another sneaky athlete yeah he i don't think he was feeling it that day i don't know that bums me out that's not yeah i can't i gotta come back i gotta do it I got to do it. Yeah, I got to do it. All right, so let's have one. What was Shane's time? Shane did not. He wasn't here on a. He's a D1 athlete.

I know. He's going to impress people. He was here on a weekend, so we didn't have the show. Did Bargetzi? He was here on a weekend as well. Those are two guys I'm interested because Bargetzi. We used to do a comics basketball league in Queens on Wednesday, and Bargetzi can ball.

Really? Bargetzi and Joe List would come out and ball in a way that you're like, oh. Like Woody Hoyle, like, he was basically like White Man Can't Jump style. Holy shit. Like Billy Hoyle style. I didn't think he had that in him.

Dude, Nate would cross and make a shot, and you're like, all right, you old slow southerner. And that's classic Nate to not also, like, publicize that he's good at basketball. He's like, I don't know, man. Yeah, right. Because if you're a comedian and you're really good at basketball, you've got to tell everyone. Yeah, well, there are comics that are really good at basketball that are like—

Def Jam comics? Yeah. You know, they do a lot of women be shopping with her. But Schultz is good at basketball. There's a couple other guys that are like good at basketball that guy Rick Glassman who's Glassman yeah he got kicked he did a whole like he had a whole video he got kicked out of his league because he was he was like yelling at people like swatting people shit he played against LeBron in high school yeah people were like dude this isn't fun that's so

funny that's so my buddy uh one of my friends I grew up with, his older brother played in a city league with Earl Boykins in Denver. And Boykins was like, I'm not going to shoot. I'm just going to pass and play defense. And then this guy was talking shit to him in like a rec league game. And he's like, I don't know, man. I don't think you want me to shoot. And came out in the second half

and I think put up like 34. He was just like, dude, don't. Levels, yeah. But that's like the closest to a kung fu movie you'll come in rec league basketball. Yeah. He's like, I don't live that life anymore. Don't make me do this.

You forced my hand and it's a swish, swish. You did this. So I think my weakest point is going to be the three pointers. Yeah. So there's also, so you go soccer, then you have to hit one wiffle ball over where the studio is. Okay. Up into the deck.

And then you got to throw a football and hit one of the bottles over. Okay. That one, you got to get your own rebound. So that one gets people frustrated. Yeah, because if you miss, then you're yelling at yourself. And you also have to go, it's like a walk of shame back and forth.

This could go horrible. Three-point shot, three-point shot, Sporkle. So TJ, why don't you spin it and one of us will go so Dan can see us and then he'll go. That way you could, because people have been like, you guys have not been explaining it well

and I don't want to do that. Also, don't trip over the cornhole board. Yeah, Alex Crusoe almost tripped over the cornhole board. Running from that net to that one. And then he sprained his ankle. That'll get you. I'll add, the best part about being a comic is when you fail, it's funny.

Yes. Yeah, it's a win-win. That's our whole life. We do the same thing where we just fail and people are like, doubt ruled. Yeah, you don't want to, it's like,-win. That's our whole life. We do the same thing where we just fail and people are like, doubt ruled. Yeah, you don't want to – it's like, you want to watch me win? Yeah. You want to watch me look like an asshole.

It does. All right, Che, you ready? All right. So this is Che's run. And Brandon will also be with you to help you when you're going just to – Just like my Sherpa? Yeah, put you in the right direction. All right, we'll just talk wrestling in between each thing.

Hey, I have Ted DiBiase socks on. That's pretty sick. Also, I mean, I would want to get your opinion on if Kenny Omega ever is going to make it to WWE. I don't think he's going to. I don't think he wants to. He just resigned? Yeah. But his Twitch stream, he was bigging up Robin Reigns yesterday.

See what happens with wrestling fans? You just get him and you go like, do you want to sit down and talk wrestling? I don't think he wants to. I don't think he wants to go. I wish he would. MJF is the one that needs to go. Who? MJF needs to go.

Absolutely. And Ospreay. Yeah. Ospreay should have gone in the first place. Yeah. Ospreay, Paige. There's a bunch of guys I'd like to see over there. But I want to see Kenny Seth at WrestleMania.

Oh, that'd be awesome. Yeah. Brandon, remember when CM Punk came by and you weren't here that day? Yeah, well, I wasn't here that day. It was fine. Well, you guys could probably get him in here. He lives like 10 minutes away from me. Yeah, that's awesome.

I got Edge tomorrow. Adam Copeland. He's coming in? While he's Zooming. That's still something. Still counts. Yep. Still counts.

All right. All right. Let's go, Che. Put on your best. What are you doing? You know the course. You know the course. That seems like he was coaching him up.

Why did he brain damage? He has brain damage. I think there's an actual problem. Something is wrong with him. Have you been good, Jay? Not since that slam, dude. Yeah, is it ever since Kyle slammed you on the ground? Yeah.

All right. You ready, TJ? Yep. All right. Three, two, one, go. All right, so you just gotta get one of these. Yeah, but it's over It's over. It's a wrap. Come on Che There there we go. There it is. Okay now watch he's a savant. Oh, oh good fake out. Oh Oh Jays on fire right now Nope, oh, oh, yeah, you can't hit the ceiling when you hit a home run so there Swing softly, okay Got it. You got it. Oh my god. He's gonna break my right the one knee was very smart

It's Linsanity out here. This is a problem for me. Oh Uh-oh, this is where I'm gonna fuck up nice, and then you push the rack. Yep. Yep. All right, I Mean this is a great time. I this is unbelievable time Oh my god, that was unbelievable he might bele, Sporkle. He might be- Do the fast food. 20 seconds? Uh... Uh... Oh no. Bottom left, fast food. New York.

Non-number Uno cards. Texas. Dude, bottom left. British Columbia. Layup. Uh... Two. What?

Bottom left. The number two? Three? For what? Dammit. So you can just bounce around. Uh... Fuck. I'm not sure. Two. What? The number two? Three. For what?

Damn it. So you can just bounce around. Fuck. Baconator. California. That's crazy. Bottom left, bottom left, bottom left. Wide open.

California. Florida. Blizzard. Wendy's. There you go. Dairy Queen. See? KFC. Easy. Come on. McDonald's. There you go. Dairy Queen. See? KFC.

Easy. Come on. McDonald's. Taco Bell. Sonic. See? And how many do you have to count? 10.

10. 47. Great. You had me. You had him. If you went right to the fast food. Mook was saying don't laugh. That was intimidating.

That was great. Shit. By the way, can I tell you this? The knee football throw? Yeah. That was intimidating. That was great. Shit. By the way, can I tell you this? The knee football throw? Yeah. That was – Yeah, he revolutionized that. That was unbelievable.

You're throwing down. Yeah. So everyone stands up. They're obviously taller than that. Yeah. Che, that was insane. Thank you. Thank you.

That was – Good time. Yeah, that's my best time by a lot. A minute 10? You could have, though, if you had gone bottom left. You would have had a chance of beating me. You're in second place. You had 55 seconds starting the sporkle.

You had it in the bag. I should have gone bottom left. How many were in that? Was it six? Eight, six. Oh, six. Yeah, you were coming. I would have had it, I think.

I think I would have smoked you for the rest. Second best. Wow, Che. Che, you were right there. I don't think I could have been. I could have probably been. You could have. You should be distraught a little bit.

All right, Dan, you ready? All right, let's do it. You're ready. You're going to do great. You're going to do great. I don't know. No, you're going to do great. I'm thinking somewhere in the fours, you're going to be great.

You got this. This is for you, dead dad. Wow. Nice. I love how Sam's scouting report was like an actual ESPN scouting report. Like, dead dad, drug problem. Yeah, he just got drafted. He's got to put the bags down.

You got to put the bags down. I'll say three, two, one, go. Are you ready, TJ? This is your line, right? I want to get one of those filthy boys to do this, too. All right. Three, two, one, go. All right, no pressure, no pressure.

Come on. Oh. Hey, hey, hey. Soccer, soccer, go. All right, no pressure, no pressure. Come on. Hey, hey, hey. Soccer, soccer, soccer. Soccer, soccer. Uh-oh. Oh, no. Malice got a haircut, too. Now you can score from anywhere.

Oh, it's penis. Fuck yes. Yeah. Nice. Hell yes. Wiffle ball, wiffle ball, wiffle ball. Come on, Brandon. Malice is done. Yeah. Nice. Hell yes. Whiffle ball. Whiffle ball. Come on, Brandon. Mal six down.

No. He's writhing. Fuck you, Mal six. He's in a lot of pain. Uh-oh. Baseball might be an issue. He said basketball, but baseball might be the issue. Okay.

Uh-oh. He's not even. Oh, Mal six fucked. Tell Che to move the cornhole. Che, move the cornhole! Oh, no, that looked like the swing. This is... Yes!

Pound it, yes! I think it actually hit the ceiling and then still went over. He swung fatherlessly. Yeah. Yeah, that's a grandma teaches you how to hit. Oh. See, this is the walk of shame part. You're fine. Let's see. This is the walk of shame part. You're fine.

You have a great time. You have a great time. Yes. You have a great time. Here we go. Three pointers. You got this. You got this.

You got this. This is why you stop smoking weed. Oh, that's not bad. That will get there. That will get there. Okay. He's putting too much pressure on yourself. You're putting too much pressure on yourself. There we go.

That was good. He's now moving like he might have to take a shit. Yeah. Okay. He's got a nice stroke. Not bad. I don't know why. He definitely has never seen Jeff T. Lowe shoot a basketball.

Oh. I've never seen Jeff T. Lowe shoot a basketball. Oh! Oh! Oh, fuck! Slow it down. Oh! That was J.R. Smith. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. It's coming. No, you're there. Smith is coming.

No, you're there. You're there. Right there. You're right there. One of these is going in. It's not a bad shot. That's the craziest part. He just can't score.

Got to get the legs involved. But, like, it's – Oh, yeah, he's getting tired. He's got to be tired. He's getting tired. Oh, yeah. He's getting tired. He's gotta be tired. He's getting tired. Comedians as a whole Just put everything into it. There it is.

Yeah! Alright, Sporkle time. Here we go. Eight NBA teams use yellow as a team color. Femur. Oh, there we go go to the femur Maine New Hampshire Massachusetts Connecticut yeah you're ripping them uh eight NBA teams use yellow as the team color

feels uh Hamilton uh oh he's going all over four more Hamilton. Oh, he's going all over. Four more. Serena Williams. Nice. Navatilova. Oh, boy. That's going to be a tough spelling.

Pacers. Yeah. Need two more. Table salt, sea salt. Bang. Bang. All right. 4-0-9.

That was a great time. Expectable time. Fucking three, dude. Yeah. Your shot is not bad, though. It wasn't bad. It was short. Short.

But, like, that's, you can't. I would rather miss it with a good shot. Right. Like, your actual form is good, which that's really all that matters. Damn. So you beat – And you drilled Malasek right in the balls. Yeah, you fucked him up.

He was down. All right, so you beat – If I ran that back, I think I could do better. All right, you beat – Cam Newton, you definitely beat. Oh, by a lot. By a lot. Pat Bev is crazy. Pat Bevv you beat

you beat will compton i mean that's a 10-year nfl athlete yeah you beat moro the magician all right not sure if you're familiar with his work i think next time i come back i'm getting under three yeah i mean you have it you have the i think if i. I think if I hit the goal and I hit the threes faster. Yep. Not worried about trivia ever. No, you crushed that part. Or not worried about. Football I got.

I just had to adjust. Baseball. Fucking three. You debilitated the goal. Yeah. Writhing on the floor. Sorry about your balls, dude. It's all right.

He doesn't use it. He's actually ace. But I knew that was my moment to shine. First one. It was the first one to do it. Can we see a replay of that? He's asexual, so you're fine. Oh, good.

Yeah, yeah. He doesn't. I'm not ruining anyone's weekend. No. No. You didn't think about anything. I just knew the threes, man. And then you're right.

I could just see my brain being like. You got in your own head. Fuck you. Yeah. Yeah. I was shocked that threes, man. And then you're right. I could just see my brain being like. You got in your own head. Fuck you. Yeah. Yeah, I was shocked. Your form is good. So, oh, let's see this. And they're right here, left.

You can score from anywhere. Oh, no. The close-up. Boom. Is that Fasoli in the way? Yeah. God damn it. Fasoli.

Come on, Brandon. Baseball fucked me up. That's what it was. Yeah. The wiffle ball. I didn't think the wiff Baseball fucked me up. That's what it was. Yep. Yeah. The wiffle ball. I didn't think the wiffle ball was going to be as hard as it was. I let down Sam Talent.

He said under four. No, he called it kind of right. He was like an ESPN. Didn't he say hammer over four? No, he said hammer over four. Yeah. You actually proved him wrong. Yeah.

The naysayers were wrong today. Yeah. Good. Yeah. Where's those compression socks that's how you know he's an athlete he does what is that diabetic oh true either it's either sugar blood or you can ball is that the widest range of like an item that you can yeah that goes from being the most to the least yeah you're you're literally in the league or you are dying. Yeah, or you have to, anytime your limbs get tingly, worry.

Yeah, that is. Damn, that is very fun. Very fun. Very fun. Great creation, Yak. Yeah, we love doing that. So wait, where are you on tour right now? Just did Omaha.

I'm in D.C. this weekend. Just added a six show on Sunday, and then it'll be Providence, Rhode Island, Columbus. And then I'm going on the Burt Kreischer Fully Loaded Tour. Oh, nice. Yeah, it'll be fun. It's like me, Stav's going to do a couple dates, Big J, David Tell, Ralph Barbosa. Oh, that's sick. And that's like minor league stadiums, right?

Dude, it's fun as hell. Yeah. Burt looks awesome. It's the only time you can be able to like be in a tour bus just fuck around all day because you get to these minor league parks and they're like yeah you can go wherever you want yeah go to the batting cages just go fuck around what type of smoker were you what do you mean like just a night throughout the day all day baby oh chronic yeah chronic chronic as in often chronic chronic um yeah why'd you stop i started feeling my brain get really slow i started feeling like i was like

running through mud okay oh that's how it kind of felt thinking and i was like you know i'm in therapy and my therapist was like you think it's time I think it's time to maybe try it out and I was like shit and then I did the math and I was like 26 years smoking oh heavy every day do you feel more sharp not yet I feel clear so you don't feel like you're running through mud anymore no I mean my performances this weekend in Omaha was the first time I headlined not smoking weed. And it felt like, oh, I know where I am in my set. I got to try these new jokes. Were you nervous about that?

Try and stand up without. Yeah. Well, I'd done sets at like the cellar and the stand without getting high. Yeah. And I used to do a thing. There was like times where you're like, all right, I won't smoke till after the shows. But I would get high in the afternoon. Right.

And then I'd just be like oh i just didn't smoke right before the right but i usually wake up get a coffee smoke a bowl get in the shower i'm jealous of you though because i feel like anyone who can be like oh i have this bad habit and i'm cutting it yeah like people are like oh i'm gonna stop drinking like i don't do any of that stuff i just well i just feel slow and just feel like fat and shit. I stopped drinking 11 years ago, and I quit smoking cigarettes. And that was like, all right, if I quit smoking cigarettes, that's what I miss more than anything.

I'll come back to that. You just stare at a box. You're like, I'll see you later. Katie and I have an agreement. We're like, if there's a World War III, let's go get some smokes. Yeah. Let's just go sit on our roof. Every week there's a World War III.

So this was an exciting weekend for you. You almost got to smoke a cigarette. I almost was like, am I about to be Joe Camel again? Your doomsday prepping is just cartons of cigs. I live in the blast radius, and I'm going to smoke cigarettes. Yeah. We were talking about that at the start of the show. There's just a group of people online who just want World War III to happen.

You know what? They also want World War III to prove other people wrong. Right. They want to be like, I told you it was World War III. We've had World War III when Russia went into Ukraine. We had World War III this weekend. We had World War III a couple weeks ago. Enough with it.

And if you're a sports fan, there's stuff where you're like, no, no, no, not now. Dude, they cut. Other than the Masters. I was pissed they cut him you know what i was really pissed which makes me feel like the worst person ever but we were watching uh was it march madness yeah when the cancer yeah when uh what's her name kate oh yeah the the queen or whatever middleton she did her speech i was like dude it's march madness hello do it and you had to like stop be like, wait, you're a shitty person.

But seriously. But I also don't believe it's cancer. What do you think it is? PBL? Yeah, dude, you just got fat. I think there's problems with the royal family. And it's like that excuse of like, if you say cancer, they won't ask a follow up. Everyone's like, ah, yeah.

They're like, oh, all right. I hope she's all right. Because you're like, I don't know. The way the announcement was yeah prince william wasn't there there was just she was just kind of like it was straight to camera where she was like i have cancer it's a condescend you would think he'd be next to her sign solidarity yeah just like if there was some real shit going on like if she was trying to divorce him or if there was like real problem like problems that the royal family can't rebound from like a divorce yeah they would go to say cancer it buys us six months yeah they can rebound from anything though i don't know do divorces they killed diana they're pedophile yeah i mean and i'm right just an active pedophile and they're like oh but he's

old yeah he's an old man i just can't imagine giving his shit i don't care about the president i can't imagine caring about your leader that much no that you're like oh is it everything all right but they got some dirt you know the dirt that happens in there oh like illuminati shit oh it's so i mean when the queen died and everyone was in england was pretending like we were being disrespectful, laughing at that. Yeah. But then all you have to do is have one Irish friend. Yeah.

Oh yeah. Up the fucking rock. And you're like, oh yeah, they love it. Yeah. I remember the, the, all the English people, you guys wouldn't understand in America. Yeah. It's like, dude, John Madden died like six months ago. During football season.

Yeah. This was, we had a really bad time. Yeah. Madden to us is more important than the queen is is to you yeah what the fuck yeah i really do you think they're gonna ever try to redo his voice on the video game with ai oh that would actually rule because how awesome was it when he oh that's necessary yeah great yeah the early maddens and you could just change all the players oh my god they let you like now they make it so that you can't do that where i remember like in the 90s i would have all my

linemen be like seven feet tall and yeah it would just flatten i'd have i'd have a game and it would be like you you got 54 sacks yeah like not even fun to play yeah but it's just fun to choose the stats i would make my punters like seven two three hundred with just 100 throwing accuracy and power we're like good luck stopping a fake punt it ain't gonna happen especially if you line up with special teams uh brandon you got another one last wrestling question before we finish the show did you make what he's eating right now yeah oh yeah you did right you're delicious unbelievable That chicken parm is so fucking good. No, Donnie said, hey, are you hungry?

When I was going to pee. Oh, my God. And I said, yeah, and he gave me this plate of chicken parm. We had an unbelievable chicken parm. He's making extras. He's got a bunch of chicken, so he said he was making chicken parm. For the rest of you. Another wrestling question for Dan Soder.

Yeah. What's my other wrestling question? Damn, dude. 409. There you go. 59th. 59th. That's going to haunt me. I'm going to come back and do better. Great. Yeah. What's my other wrestling question? Damn, dude. 409. There you go. 59th. 59th. That's going to haunt me. I'm going to come back and do better.

Great. Yeah. That's still a good first time. Yeah. Yeah. There's someone who updates the stats instantly and has all your rankings. 57 hertz. That guy rocks, but he also hates his job so much.

You just finished and now we have all your advances. How the fuck did you beat that that fast? Look at it, though. You have the heat map of every single thing you've done. That's unbelievable. Yeah. Damn, dude. That wiffle time and the-

Yeah, the wiffle ball's rough. Yeah. And the three ball. I'll get that, though. Because basketball, with me, I have to be playing it consistently and i get my shot back yeah i'm cold as ice right now you could tell you played basketball so that's that's a good that's half the battle yeah yeah all right what's your last wrestling question better main event for next year rock versus cody or rock versus roman rock versus roman

right i mean entering you bring in tama tonga they signed jacob fatu oh you're gonna do bloodline versus bloodline. You're real fucking into it. Yeah, I'm a Mark dude. Okay. They're bringing in, they're going to do old, like Solo turning on. It's going to be good Bloodline against bad Bloodline. Well, I don't think they're going to do that because now they can blur the lines.

I think what's going to happen is you're going to find out Solo was taking orders from The Rock. Right. When he said the tribal chief the other night, he meant The Rock, not Roman. The head of the Rock. Right. When he said the tribal chief the other night, he meant The Rock, not Roman. The head of the table. Yeah. So I think they're setting up Rock, Roman, 41. Survivor Series is going to be old bloodline, new bloodline. Yeah.

And then they're going to— Well, Rock's got to wrestle Cody at some point because they did that. I think they're going to do SummerSlam. That would be great. And I think what The Rock's doing, because he's training with those English guys from NXT. Yeah, Gallows.

I think they're getting him ring ready because by the end of the tag match on Saturday night, he looked good. He was a little slow at the beginning and by the end of the match, he's going, man. It was a smooth people's elbow. I loved it. I could listen to you guys talk wrestling. I love it.

It's the thing where I turn off my brain and watch. I watch Peacock every night. Triple H is the booker of the year yeah he's genius yeah and i never liked him as a as a wrestler back love liked him as a wrestler i got to meet him he did an episode of billions yeah and i went i wasn't in that scene but i went to the set and i was like don't mark out don't mark out but i got to sit there and talk to him about it was right after cody injured his pec yeah and i was talking to him about his his quads when he blew his quads out

just like the pain and shit and he was just you can just tell when was talking to him about his quads when he blew his quads out, just like the pain and shit. And he was just, you can just tell when you talk to him, like, oh, this guy lives for this shit. Yeah. Like he loves it. All he thinks about. Yeah. So I love it. I love him running creative.

It's been awesome. Yeah. That felt good. It did feel good. We didn't even make fun of you. Not yet. Yeah. Wrestling guys in numbers feel confidence.

Yeah. Yeah. You got to pick, you got to take us away from the pack. Take us away from the pack and we're like, yeah, I don't know. It's gay fake fighting. But like two or three of us were like, fuck you. You don't even know about New Japan. I like Moxley holding the strap in New Japan.

Did you think? No, let me ask you a question. Shield music dropped. Did you think you were going to see Ambrose? And I knew it's not possible. but everybody in that stadium looked around. Wait, why is it impossible? Because he's with AEW. He's with AEW.

But here's the thing is we're leaving the era of Vince McMahon where I think companies will work with each other. Yeah. And if Tony was smart, he would have let Moxley come. I don't think they asked, though. Tony said they didn't ask. That would have been awesome. Yeah.

If they had asked, that would have been great. I would have fucking lost my shit. No, as soon as that music hit, we all wondered, what the hell? Did you go? No. I was telling him, I like to go to the arena shows. I don't like going to the football stadium ones, because it's just a pain in the dick. A lot of my friends went to Mania in New York at MetLife, and that's the worst stadium you guys know.

To leave, MetLife is a nightmare. They said that was a disaster. When I go Jets-Dolphins, I leave, I tell McDaniel, I'm like, win or lose, I'm out. Like third quarter. I'm not hanging around to say what's up. You a Dolphins fan? I grew up with Mike McDaniel.

The Niners fan. I'm diehard Niners, but Mike and I are old friends from seventh grade on. That's awesome. You're going to do PMT in a second. We, Mike and I are old friends from seventh grade on. That's awesome. Yeah, we can talk on... You're going to do PMT in a second. Yeah. We can talk about how Patrick Mahomes has ruined your life.

Twice. Oh, is that both Super Bowls? Yeah. He's really good at football. He's so fucking good, dude. But also, run the damn ball. Yeah. Run the damn ball.

And also, don't... Learn the new overtime rules. Yeah, that was wild. That's... I mean, when I was like, what are they doing? When they're kicking a field goal, I go, you can't kick a field goal and then give the ball to Patrick Mahomes. God damn, dude. Leaving Super Bowls when they lose?

Did you go to the Colts, Bears? No. I was in college. I didn't have any money. Dude. I'm going to tell you right now. I mean, you're saying leaving Super Bowls when you lose, but like if the Bears could even get to like – You say that.

Get to a Super Bowl. I think we had a – I think I said I'd suck like 100 dicks for the Bears to lose a Super Bowl. Let me tell you something right now, though, because Lions fans just went through this. Lions fans all season were like, if we win a playoff game. Yeah, you get there and then you – It's I want a bike for Christmas and I won't ask for anything else.

And then you get the bike and you go, but I want other presents no that was that was the cubs when they won in 2016 it was like actually like can we win again yeah please yeah and it's like wait no we all said that we all had to do is win one and then you look back you're like fuck how do we only win one i'm feel that way with the nuggets yeah because the nuggets are the only denver team i like and they finally did it last year, and now I'm like, do it again, boys. Yeah. Better repeat right now with the squad. We're having Mike Malone on tomorrow.

He's a good dude. He's the best. Yeah, we've had him on before. Michael Malone. Michael Malone, yeah. Remember that correction? Yes. Infamous correction. Yes, he is the best.

Do we? Oh, wait. Someone has to do high noon ad read. Then we've got to spin the wheel. We'll finish off, and then we'll go do PMT. High Noon. Bring the Fiesta anywhere you go with the all new High Noon Tequila Seltzer Fiesta Pack. This variety,

8-pack, features two new tequila flavors, Blood Orange and Prickly Pear, alongside two tequila favorites, Grapefruit and Lime. All are made with real tequila and real juice, perfect for any Fiesta. Find the High Noon Tequila Seltzer Fiesta Pack nearest you at highnoonspirits high noon sun's up people are saying you did a good job on the uh just called david and asked about college football show and had no clue he left barstool

unbelievable standard moment for me he left barstool like three weeks ago yeah yeah that's mincey he's a special special boy was he up to? He lost in another poker tournament this weekend. He did. Did you? I haven't decided yet. I've taken a little. That's the scariest picture. We got a guy who's very special.

One of one. One of one. Just show him bobbing for apples and that would explain the soda. We did a pro day where he competed against one of our other guys in 25 events. One of our other guys. Yeah. Calling them guys is probably my new thing. Yeah.

Oh, he's a guy. He is a guy. He's a guy. There's our guy. He almost drowned himself. He's waterboarding himself. Yeah. This isn't even really.

This isn't bobbing. This is huge water. That's so funny. All the't even yes, this isn't Bobby So funny Yeah, I can't believe you had to move Cam Newton on from the football throw. Yeah, it got awkward. It got awkward. Once you watch an NFL quarterback miss nine times, what do you say to him? I mean, I'm a clown, so it's like, eh, I'm going to miss. Yeah, but it was awkward.

I think we wanted him to come back in a good mood. And he also had said we had taped PMT before that, and he was talking about how he's like, yeah, I still might come back. And so then when he started doing that, I was like, this is. Those scouting reports are like, hey, guys, just bring up the footage. Yeah, fine. Yeah, gauntlet. Who do you guys want to sign?

You go. Not wasting money on him. All right, TJ, spin our wheel. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And I was just like, boop. That was the easiest putback. Alright.

Don't worry about this until we have to worry about this. Uh-oh. No, we're good. We're good. You would have possibly had to get sopping wet or put your hand in the mousetrap. I would have done the mousetrap instead of being wet and having to go to O'Hare. Yeah, unfortunately you don't have a...

Oh, did you see there's a... Did you get to O'Hare? Well, my flight's... Just take the blue line. You sure? Yeah. Well, I don't know if that's still going on. It's not.

They said it's... Oh, it's not. All right, then you're good. They broke it up. That would... I can't believe no one got out of the car and just like. They did. Oh, they did? Yeah, they were out of their car running to the airport.

Because you, no, I'm saying get out of your car and remove them. Like, you're going to get it. Buddy, I would have banned them. Yeah. If I was first or second row, hit the music. I'm running into the ring. Yeah. You want to hear Glass Break?

It'll be that. I'm stunning into the ring. You want to hear Glass break? Explain that. I'm stunning that whole line. And that's the bottom line because IDF didn't know it was a hospital. People are already so pissed on you. Does Dan Soder hate Palestine? You want a damn? I'm just on the ground in their face. All right.

Well, everyone go check out Dan Soder's new special on YouTube. He's got a YouTube channel. So go check it out. It is free. It's very funny. It's also the perfect length. 40 minutes, baby. Because whenever you pull up a video and you're like, oh, shit, it's an hour and a half.

No fat. Perfect length. Okay. That's the show. Oh, oh, shit, it's an hour and a half. No fat. Perfect length. Okay. That's the show. Oh, TJ, you want to do that last wheel? Real quick. Okay. All right.

All right. Cool. That's the show. All right. Thank you, Dan. Yeah, thank you. Appreciate it. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. It's time to talk shop

We're doing Yankee Swap It's the act It's the act Have a beautiful week everybody big week let's be great love you bye