The Yak - BREAKING: Nicky Smokes is NOT 6-Feet Tall | The Yak 10-30-23

Episode Date: October 30, 2023

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20% off your first purchase. Q-Zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts. I heard there's a rumor there might be fleeces soon. What? I'm wearing it now. I love it. What is that? Roback. That's Roback?

It is. It's a long-sleeved tee. Oh, that's sick, dude. You can get 20% off your first purchase with code YAK. Right now, roback.com. Welcome in. I just tweeted that Stephen Che has been suspended, and everyone's like, fuck yes, finally.

He's just out today. but i want to suspend him that's the worst tweet are we gonna start with that yeah we have to i've been stewing okay for anyone who missed it steven chay tweeted yesterday jj watt looks like a teacher that will respond i don't know can you when you ask if you can go to the bathroom. What a reach. J.J. Watt is first of all, insanely in shape, large human. Second of all, wearing a really nice, probably very expensive pink coat with a, what do you call that? A pocket square? Pocket square and a tie. There's never been a teacher who's ever looked like that.

Never, no. He missed on every metric of a look-like comparison. And the most annoying thing is you guys weren't here when it happened, because it happened instantly. He was just tweeting that up. I looked at him. I was like, what did you just do? I had to apologize to J.J. Watt.

You saw it in real time. Yeah. I told J.J. Watt. I was like what did you just do i had to apologize to jj watt in real time yeah i told jj watt i was like we listen part of my take bullied you online for two years and what steven shea just did is way worse and i apologize and he like tagged jj because he was like proud of it yeah yeah and then he kept on saying that his fourth grade teacher used to wear a pink coat mind you this is the guy who cuts what he thinks are the funniest parts of this show. Yeah. We do let him do that. Yeah, that is really, yeah, that's probably not the smartest.

I feel like he has like a drop down menu of jokes and he clicked on the wrong one. He wanted to make a joke about what J.J. Watt was wearing. And he has like a database of like jokes you could make. That might be it. It was like a drop down menu and he clicked like one, two low or something. That's the only thing that makes sense to me. He definitely has a spreadsheet with jokes on it. Yeah.

Oh yeah. And that joke is like one of those overused corny jokes that's supposed to be a layup. It's supposed to be a hundred percent hit rate. Can we, can we look through the quote tweets of it? It is the most embarrassing tweet in Barstool Sports history. I called it to his face. I said, it's the worst tweet of all time. I said, you could find me racist, pedophile tweets.

I would still take that as worse than that. There's a Catholic school not just getting pissed at. Dave said, this is not only the worst tweet I've ever seen, it's the worst thought I've ever seen expressed. Teachers that say that are mad. They thought no teacher in the history of mankind has ever looked like a person in this photo. What did Stephen Chay's teachers look like?

There's some teacher out there who's just been haunting Chay. He sees him everywhere, has seen him everywhere for decades, and will see him everywhere until the day he dies. That's a fact. When you've never seen a teacher before. Yeah, this is, it is the worst tweet of all time. Everybody got that one teacher that wears three-piece custom-fitted pink with a pocket square.

Shout out He's a tweeters tweeter He's a volume tweeter Yeah Yeah Fuck man It like bummed me out It didn't

Mine was the opposite Because I saw Everybody unify Everybody drop Their differences Yeah you're right That tweet brought us All together

Yeah Fucking thunder god Zeus The type of dude To color code his dry erase and of course stephen was like well look i'm getting engagement oh yeah he's like look at the numbers oh this check on hit different oh yeah i'm putting up numbies right now because he doesn't understand what the numbies are for and like that everyone's just dunking on

so yeah that happened and that overlapped with janks uploading a video from a different dimension yeah we don't live in the world anymore i was uncomfortable watching yeah i'll say it i was uncomfortable i miss this oh oh you gotta watch this i'm comfortable buddy it's a fever dream yeah it's it's like Tony Soprano's fever dream. The audio is not. It was so odd. Everything about it was... It's like the last thing you see before you die.

What the... What is going on? I don't know. Giggles. Oh, my God, dude. Giggles are, like, coming from, like, everywhere. I know. And everything else is so quiet.

Just giggles and... Wait. What the kiss Oh my god I thought he was at a hockey game Maybe there was hockey mascots Why was the Utah Jazz mascot I know and nothing made sense I never understand that why mascots

It's the brotherhood But the Jazz had a game right Maybe they were on the road Like when the Vikings do their mascot game You know and like mascots From all over the world descend upon it I'm like don't you have a job to do Maybe they were on the road. Like when the Vikings do their mascot game, you know, and like mascots from all over the world descend upon it. I'm like, don't you have a job to do? Do you think there could be more than one?

Get back to mascotting your own territory. I think you're right. Yeah. You have a kingdom to mascot. They love being together. That reminded me of like in fiction when like the town of like pygmies fatten up somebody before they eat him. Yes.

They're like, wow, these guys are worshiping me. That also one mascot's in trouble for kissing Frank. Well, how did Frank, like he expected the kiss. Yeah. It was unfazed by what was he eating? Was it cake?

Ice cream. They were feeding. No, I think it was cake, which makes it worse. Ice cream. I'd be like, okay,

but a big cake. If you told Frank reminded me of one like like a substitute teacher yeah that's a cake chin palm the top of the head grab the chin and he's just yeah i'm trying to like he is morbidly comfortable with them yeah it's um it looks like ai made that yeah you're right frank wasn't thrown off at all by what was going on he was like yeah this is a normal thing that i i expected was that like take number five can we figure out a way to get that in the book because that's way that would be by far the the weirdest thing in the book that's very erotic just a picture of it at the

end yeah just a picture and maybe it becomes a flip book? Oh, yeah. That would be great. Just a flip book of that. Just, hey, want to see something fucked up? He wasn't uncomfortable at all. No, he was insanely comfortable. You wonder how long he had been there like that. Hours, maybe?

He's still there. He was in a state. He was still being kissed. He was in some type of state. Oh, man. I don't know. Yeah. What a weird day to have those back to back yeah i didn't know i thought i like i lost the plot a little bit like oh this is the this is normal not yeah how did that even begin how does so many questions so many many things, so many things. And it was a hockey.

It was a devil's game. You could hear them playing hockey in the background. The sound makes me uncomfortable. If I were to close my eyes, it was like the giggle was coming from like it comes from behind. And then there's just like kind of hockey noises. The mascots are dead silent. It's like when you have a hangover in the back of your eyes. Yeah, but it's just a giggle.

It's like it's surround sound it very everything was off yeah i'm sure uh the next tweet in chase database was quote tweeting that with this is your brain on mushrooms something like no no i don't think he'd be that edgy no he would be like this is like when your teachers made you eat cake yeah because it's one kid's birthday yeah dude I think you're right. I think he had that in a spreadsheet of some sort. Yeah, he has a whole list of like, that's it. That's the tweet.

When you're. You know, and he's got like all these formats. And then when he sees something that's worth tweeting, he matches it up to one of his formats and then sends tweet. And this one, he accidentally copied the wrong one. I think he had another joke that was probably just as bad. Louder for the people in the back. Yeah. Exactly.

What? Who did this, fam? Yeah, all those. I think if Che does commit to this, though, moving forward, it would actually be very – like, if he tweeted the Frank video and he was like, Frank looks like a teacher who said, I don't know, can you? Every time he – I just kept saying that about every single person he sees. He becomes a cop.

Gaslight to us. That would be funny. I'm also now replaying it all. I think Steven, because he did have a tweet about Greg Olson's coat last week. So I think he, and that did do numbers because that was a good tweak because Greg Olson's coat sucked. So I think Steven was like, fashion. Oh. Fashion. I got this. because Greg Olson's coat sucked. So I think Steven was like, fashion tweets. I got this.

Yeah, I'm like the coat funny guy. Yeah, he's like, all right, time for my coat tweet this week. That might be it. That might be it. Can you find the Greg Olson one? Because I think that one did pretty well. So yeah, he's like, I'm the coat tweet guy on Sundays.

JJ Watts jacket is a problem. Yeah, and I think in his head there has to be, like, a reason. Okay, the coat. People love the coat tweet. I'll run that back. Everything's data to him. Yeah, right. Coat tweets seem to be my best.

I'm hitting one for two right now. Trust the data. Yeah, he's going to go in. Yeah, 50%. I'll do another coat tweet. He probably saw a teacher tweet that did numbers, copied that tweet. That's what I mean. Like, he took, like, the coat tweet, took the teacher tweet,

said, fuck it, let's put them together. Yeah, when he goes and asks Dave for a raise, he'll have a PowerPoint, and one of the slides will be, like, number one coat tweeter at Barstool Sports. Yeah, see this one. Greg Olson's jacket is red. It actually didn't do numbers. Oh, that's not good But did the opposite numbers. But a decent tweet.

But he didn't really put a joke with it. That's why I didn't do numbers. Yeah, but he got comfortable. I got to do a joke with it. Yeah, got to get him with the joke. Yeah, if he said like boom blah cat or something. Oh, my God. I just kind of want to look through old Che tweets.

Oh, man, he is. There should be a tab where you can search by most liked. We had. That would be cool. You can? You can do that? Yeah, I think so. But we also had Che.

We have a new sound drop that will just put chills down your spine. Can you find it? It was him in the shower on Saturday. Oh, God. I don't know this. You guys don't know this one? Should I brace myself? When he goes on trips, it really is a problem.

And these are good. It's good that we have this day where Che's not here, because if he was responding to this, it would infuriate us so much more. He'd be like, what? It's a funny tweet. It's just pals joking around. Where'd he go? He went to Atlanta?

He went to Atlanta with Eddie and Chief. So that led to a cookout review. It led to a shower review. And Eddie did say an hour in, he was like, I can't believe Che's brain. I love when other people have to spend a significant time with him and they're like, wait, this guy's a human? It's all real. Yeah, it's all 100% real. Just got out of the shower at my hotel check out what they got

i use it now i can't stop saying it shower gel aka gel douche what the fuck was that in That's in every hotel ever. Ever. Oh, my God. It's so amplified by the acoustics in the showers. Bone chilling. Jadush. Jadush.

Jadush. Want to close that, Spider? Thanks. Thank you. Jadush. Jadush. And he stuffed his face with the cookout, too. That was on the review that he posted.

Oh, yeah. Was he going crazy at cookout? Cookout is awesome. I think the sandwich was beating him. But he didn't like it, didn't he? He gave it a bad review, didn't he? Oh. Well, cookout is not a place that you can... You don't review cookout.

No, you go at 11.30 and spend $6 and you get seven things. All different types of food. You get a quesadilla and a hot dog. A double cheeseburger. And a milkshake. And some nachos. Beautiful. And like some ribs.

Damn, I got to try this. I mean, the menu at Cookout is, if you can find it, TJ, it's hilarious. It is insane. It's everything. Quig said you got a t-shirt too with a combo. $2 t-shirt. Yeah, Quig's a Cookout boy combo it's a wife beater yeah cookout is legit how was uh madison it was fun a lot of fun wonderful city great time a little cold we scared the shit out of titus on the way back yeah you did yeah we left the game uh when ohio state took a 14 point lead with like

two minutes left and we so titus was sitting somewhere else with everyone else. It was me, Jerry, Pat, Mike, and Hank. And so we left, and we got to our car, and we were leaving Madison, and we're at a red light, and then Titus walked by by himself. So I just laid on my horn, and I was like, fuck you, Titus, like screaming. And he like had a little jump. So the scaredy cat allegations are true. Yeah.

Oh, no. I was leaning into spooky season. And then we play and then we and then Titus kept on walking down the street and we we pull up the window and Jerry's just like, oh, does Titus live around here? I was like, Jerry. But it's funny. No, but Brandon does. Yeah, we went to wrestling practice. Yeah.

Bono is. He's a whippersnapper. He is the most wrestling coach ever. Oh, yeah. Probably like 5'1". Yeah. I think he won a few national titles at like 118. He's never not had 100 out of 100 energy.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. He's great. The boys were doing, it was their first day of live wrestling. I saw that. They have some studs. Yeah. Dean Hamidi, Barnett.

It also, you would have liked it because we walked through the whole facilities. We went through the stadium, the weight room. Everything's beautiful. And then we went to the wrestling, and it was was like they didn't look like a great facility it was it was basically like would they put them in the worst building in the worst spot but i think that's what they love we put that's a coping mechanism i think you think so yeah if it was like too nice do you think they'd get soft no okay penn state has a nice program or a nice facility so you gotta upgrade it yeah fund it yeah fund it but it was fun yeah the game was not great

although wisconsin kind of hung tough you're a little nervous there titus um yeah we played like shit but you guys you guys are not a good football team so i think your quarterback's not a good quarterback yeah he. He's not, but I don't know how much we need him to be good. He's like the Brock Purdy of college football. I think you'll need him to be good at some point. They need Brock Purdy to be good. They don't need him to be great, though. No, they need him to be good.

They might need him to be great. He's concussed, right? I think Branch is concussed. Yeah, he's a double concussed. Cancels out. Yeah, true. True. No, it was cold as shit, though.

Yeah, it was cold. It was fun to be back, though. I mean, it's Madison Halloween. Yeah. Saturday night game. It's the best. You were on the field, too, right? Yeah, I was on the field.

Nice. Jerry was like, I will trip someone for you. He's like, do you think people would be mad if I tripped someone in a live play? And I was like, yeah, I think so. But he was willing to. He was ready to do it. He's your dog. Yeah.

It would be funny if Jerry got into some kind of – I told him if he wore an Ohio State jersey and tripped a Wisconsin player, it would be awesome. Yeah. Started like an international incident. Yeah. You didn't go to the game, right, Brendan? No, I went home.

You make it home in time for kickoff? I got there with about five minutes to go in the first quarter. Yeah. We should do Madison every year just for you. I would love that. It was like an hour? It was an hour and 15, hour and 20. That's nice.

In game day traffic, it was like an hour and a half, but it was nice. About 70 miles. Beautiful. Do you live in the state? I live in Illinois. Okay. I don't live in Wisconsin. If you get out of my driveway and go a half mile north, then I'm in Wisconsin.

Okay. But I live in Illinois. What is the biggest difference between Illinois and Wisconsin in terms of like, what do you go to Wisconsin for? Apparently, everybody in my town drives into Wisconsin to get gas. Really? That makes sense. It's like 30 cents cheaper uh across the there's a gas station that's um across the the line you know it's like five seconds from my house and it's 30 cents cheaper than the one that's right by my house spotted cow spotted cow sausages and cheeses the grocery store that i go to uh woodman's in kenosha has a sausage and cheese

aisle that stretches 100 yards it's amazing it's beautiful sausages cheeses what's the tax i know there's people oh they don't tax food in wisconsin they don't tax they work in chicago right for taxes yeah they don't tax food in wisconsin they don't tax food when i go to the grocery spot in cal just wisconsin you cannot buy else. You can't buy it anywhere else. Every now and then there will be like, it's very funny. It's almost like a drug bust where they'll get a bar across the border in like Minnesota that is serving Spotted Cow illegally in the back. And they're like, this is illegal. It is Spotted Cow.

It's a really good beer. It's a really good beer that they only sell in Wisconsin. You can't get anywhere else. Oh, I thought it was like an exotic meat. No. It does help with the mystique of it. Right. Yeah.

It's smart. Like, to be completely honest, the Wisconsin people kill me, but it's like, it's not that. I think it's not that great. I think it's the idea you can only get it there. Exactly. It's like a 7 out of 10 beer, and it goes up to a 9 because you can only get it there. Difficulty to get for anything Right

Yeah we should do that Something that we sell Look at the train go by I love it If anybody ever needs a spot at Cal I can just run over Across the street and get it Yeah

Cool man Across the street Good to know Kyle did you win a golden bag this weekend? You said No the opposite Okay I tried college football nightmare

you guys do this on a weekly basis oh yeah oh my god yeah it's a long day i almost hit it under palooza parlay bro and i just needed you dubbed it that yeah a bunch of unders okay they put the line way high it was cincinnati and oklahoma state i had to follow the play-by-play. I couldn't watch the game. Four minutes, 54 seconds left. All I needed was them not to score three times. And they scored three touchdowns in like three seconds. Ollie Gordon II. Maybe the best player in football, apparently.

Life's too short to bet the under. He scored a touchdown in three seconds. Yeah. 70 yards. He's incredible. That's a good name. You can't bet unders. OG II. I scored a touchdown in three seconds. Yeah. 70 yards. He's incredible. That's a good name. You can't bet unders. OG too?

I like to bet unders too. Did you see the Iowa Northwestern? It's 29 and a half. They're playing at Wrigley Field. Oh my God. They're playing at Wrigley? 29 and a half. Wait, can we go?

Yeah. It's at Wrigley. That's the ultimate sicko. Yeah. Yeah. Football game. It's going to be great. Oh my God. On a baseball field

too? Yeah. Which I think they figured it out, but there was the first time they played at Wrigley, it was maybe like a decade ago, they didn't do the dimensions correctly. Right. So they only could play one way. No way.

They could only play one way. They could play the other way, too. No, the end zone was too close to the outfield wall. Oh, my God. No way. It was offense only going one way. Yeah. It was incredible.

They just didn't figure it out correctly. I think it was Illinois versus Northwestern. And it was about 10 years ago. And you can see when they – Only 10 years ago? It might – yeah. That sounds like the 50s. Yeah, I know.

Yeah. Wrigley Field to host one-way football. Why bother? If you can see a picture – Look where the goal post is. Yeah, 2010s. Oh, my God. Yeah, look at that.

Like you can't – someone gets very hurt. They put signs of Ivy on the Ivy? Yeah. Well, the Ivy, it was in November, yeah. But, yeah, it's so funny. They did the whole thing, and they're like, wait, we can't actually go this way. Not a lot of room on this side either. No.

You have to go across the outfield, guys. Yeah, I think they fixed it. Is there like a – I guess there's not. There's not a football field anywhere close to here that they could use instead. So I guess this is the only thing they could do. By the way, Stephen Che did... He texted, I was right in my theory

because I guess the New York Post wrote an article about his tweet about Greg Olson. Only about his? Well, I don't know. He sent us the post about his tweet. I betson. Only about his? Well, I don't know. He sent us the post-it article. That tweet was just his tweet. I bet you multiple people had that tweet word for word. Wait.

It does say NFL fans rip Greg Olson's jacket. It got 200 and 111 likes. Well, they used his word horrendous, too, in the quote. That's not his word. It's his. He tweets it. Wow. They used his.

I mean, he's the first one. Oh, fuck. He wins again. Yeah, he was definitely going back to the well then. He squeezed it. Wow. They used his. I mean, he's the first one. Oh, fuck. He wins again. Yeah, he was definitely going back to the well then. He wins again. He was absolutely being like, I got this. I'm the coke guy. I'm the coke guy at Barstool.

Oh, yeah. There I am, too. PFT does be quipping, though. Yeah, but Che got priority. Wow. Yeah. Congrats. Good work, boys.

There he is. Yeah, Che was like, there's a trend in coats. Greg Olson did text me after and was like, my wife did pick that out. I was like, well, I specifically said if she did, I have no problem with it. That was a mistake. Oh, here's the cookout menu. Look at that thing. Look at this.

It's insane. That's beautiful. It the cookout menu. Look at that thing. Look at this. It's insane. That's beautiful. That's a great menu. It's got everything. That's what you get. You get your drink. Corn dogs, quesadillas, barbecue, burgers. That's Converse and Raleigh.

Hot dog, quesadilla. Chicken nuggets. You got the calories, too. A walk-in taco. And even if that shit is decent, that's top spot it's decent what's the what's the cheer wine story i never really understood when i my brother used to live in charlotte and i'd go visit him and drink some i don't know what cheer wine is either you don't know what it is i know what i know that it exists i don't know what it is people love regional pops i couldn't quite

figure out what its story was i don't know det Detroit and Verner, Southern Ohio, and they have that weird 7-Up. What's it called? I forget. They have Ski as well. Frank did a Cheerwine review. He didn't like it, I don't think. Okay. Well, then I'm out.

Yeah, you've got to be out. So, Nicky Smokes isn't six feet tall. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. We've got to get him down here. He's been lying to women. So we were talking. We were chopping it upstairs, and Nicky Smokes,

I heard a rumor that the party you guys went to on Friday night, very fun party, Chef Donnie's house, as soon as the girls showed up, Nicky Smokes left. So I was at the party. Nick was at the party. Kyle was at the party. I endorsed Nicky Smokes as he's one of my guys. I like him.

He left as soon as the hoes arrived. The minute they arrived. The second they arrived, he left. Yeah. And he said one of them was six feet tall, so he wasn't interested. Hoes in, Smokes out. And I was like, yeah, you can't date a girl taller than you. And he's like, but I'm six feet.

And I'm like, no, you're not, dude. And now he's very upset. Yeah, and so the deal was he'd measure himself live. On the act. And we're going to find out. While we're on that party, Kyle. No.

No. Kyle. No. What? Kyle. What? That was too much soot. Too much soot.

I'm blind applied to soot. It was too much soot. You wanted the chimney sweep, you put on way too much soot. I was a sootified lover boy. I don't think we can show. We can't show. I showed it to Dave on the bus

at Madison and he was, those guys are crazy. Chim-chiminey, chim-chiminey, chim-chim-miree. Can you show his forehead? No, I wouldn't show it. Don't show it. No, show his forehead. Imagine a chimney sweep with too much soot. Just show his forehead.

That is a chimney sweep. No, no, no. Imagine a black chimney sweep. Just zoom in, drop it, and just show his forehead. That is a chimney. No, no, no. Imagine a black chimney. That's what they look like. And just show his forehead. Imagine a chimney sweep that was born and raised in Chad. No, do not crop it now. We can't show it.

We can't. We can show the forehead. But you waited to apply the soot. You showed us. You had your little vial of soot. I did, yeah. What was the application process? Did you waited to apply the soot. You showed us. You had your little vial of soot. I did, yeah. What was the application process? Did you apply it blind?

I did. It's too much soot. Like literally blind? I had a Sikh man with me, and he approved. Who? He had a Sikh with him. Oh, a Sikh. I almost made a booboo with him.

I thought that was his costume. I was worried about that. Oh, yeah. I almost had to. I was like, dude, no way. I was rolling up. I was like, no way I was like I had the pang

Like I'm thinking Nikki Smokes is gonna be there The people be there Someone is gonna say The wrong thing Yep Whoops-a-daisy What was Nikki Smokes anyway?

He looked like He was a Don He was a Don? Yeah No No No Stop

Just a forehead Wait Just a forehead Stop Just a forehead. Stop it. Stop it. Too much soot. That's too much soot. Google.

No. Google. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.

Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.

Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.

Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.

Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.

Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.

Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.

Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.

Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.

Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.

Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. stop. stop. stop. When your substitute teacher is black. We should make it a puzzle. Look. Yeah. Look. You did it right.

That's pretty much what Kyle looks like. These are six-year-old kids. He's canceled too. He's got the tape measure. Oh, smokes. He's got his middle finger up. I think he's six feet. I don't think so. Well, he compared himself to Nick and Rudy. I think he's six feet. I don't think so.

Well, he compared himself to Nick and Rudy. I'm exactly six feet, and I was two inches taller. I bet his Tinder profile says like six, four. Guaranteed. Too much. Chim Chiminey, Chim Chiminey, Chim Chim Marie. We should be as lucky as lucky can be. If that picture...

No! What are we doing? No, I'm going to need... If that picture leaks, that should be your apology. So you sit down and be like, guys. And then you start singing that. Sit down, Nicky. So Nicky's been walking around telling everybody he's six feet.

He also has been walking around without his shoes on. No shoes today. Yeah, no shoes. I got a blister. He's got a blister. It's really big. From why? I was, no shoes. I got a blister. He's got a blister. It's really big. From why? I was wearing high tops.

Oh, that's interesting. I got low socks on. And then, like, it just kept rubbing up against my ankle. And now I'm in a lot of pain. And I'm having back spasms. What? And you're 5'11". I'm not 5'11".

You're 5'11". No, I'm not. I'm 6 feet. All right, let's find out. Did you measure yourself already? No. Liar. I swear.

Oh, you're the worst liar in the world. Here we go. Staying flat-footed. Flat-footed. Flat-footed. Did you just do the cross? Yeah, boys, he's sat down the hair. He is.

I'm afraid to say it. Hold on. That thing's not straight. No, I know. It is straight. And with our new cameras, let's zoom. Oh, no. Oh, no.

71 inches. It's 5'11". That's 5'11". You might be 5'10". You're not 6 feet. You're not 6 feet. It's above your head. Do it again. Lordy.

That's right where it is. That's your hair. I'm not counting your hair. That's 71. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Your whole life's a lie.

You're 5'11". Welcome to the fives. You're 100% 5'11". Sit down, Muggsy. You and KB are One of birds of a feather Yeah Cause we're gonna do a lot of content Where we're like only people

Like this tall to ride Yeah And it's gonna be six feet up Dude You gotta revise what you tell the broads You're gonna have to send a mass text to some girls Hey I just found out Don't freak out

Yeah do it Yeah Ask Texas some girls. Hey, I just found out. Don't freak out. Yeah, do it. Yeah, and then wait for them to follow up and then tell them. You're going to want to get checked, too. I don't know if I want to be alive anymore. Yeah. No, dude, you're shorty. This is bad. Yeah, man.

It's bad because you've been lying to yourself about this. I know. I tell everyone I'm six feet. And when you say that, I actually believe you that you like, hey, I'm Nicky Smokes, I'm six feet. But if I put shoes on, I'm six feet. Well, yeah, but. So that counts.

Big ass shoes. Go get your shoes. I'm not going back up. And I'm not putting them on. It's going to hurt. Yeah. All right, you're five. I'd like to address what was said about me leaving the party when bitches came

because that's not true that's not true there was no bitches when i got there women yeah ladies yes women and there was one fine girl there and she was jack's girlfriend so that doesn't even count as having girls there you wouldn't smash? I would smash. It's a compliment to my boy. Right. I always tell my boys, like, yo, your girlfriend, wife, I'd smash. Right. It's a token of respect.

I'd rather hear that my boy would rather smash my girl than be like, I would never hit that because she's busted. It's like a backhanded compliment. Yeah. Just like the second you guys break up, I'm trying. No, I then be like, I would never hit that because she's busted. It's like a backhanded compliment. Yeah. Just like the second you guys break up, I'm trying. No, I would never try. I would never do that. Of course. But if she was single and she had no correlation with Jack, yeah, I'd pipe it up.

Well, maybe not because you're 5'11". So you haven't addressed the allegations, though. So that was you got to the party. So we could even, you could ask Connor because Connor was like, yo, where's the bitches at? And I was like, all right. He did say that. No, not you. The other Connor. I did not say that.

The other Connor. Your Connor. Your Connor. Connor Griffin said, where's the bitches? He's like, where's your bitches at? Connor Griffin did not say that. Yes, he did, bro. You could ask him.

You could ask him. Why do you keep pointing at me? Because he's over there behind that fucking door, M like that's where he would be sitting this is a real allegation the entire rest of the building is over there connor is over there he's watching right now so you better get your ass in here connor get in here all i'm saying is connor is like where's your bitches i'm like dude i didn't i didn't even get invited here so i didn't have an address to invite bitches to so i was like you want to see where they are and i pulled out my phone and i called it right on facetime i was like boom that's where she is and i'm going and i'm leaving right there and then i left but this is also when all the

other bitches show but the bitches were did not show up when i was there they showed up when i left i heard that the bitches showed up and you got scared and left that's what i heard scared i'm stone cold my dick is hot right now. Okay, all right. I'm on a heater. So did you see the six-foot woman in question or not? Yes, I did see the six-foot woman. Here comes horny.

There's Grimace. There's Grimace. Quigs. Quigs. Let's not confuse Connor Mook with horny Connor. Yes. Connor, on Friday night Did you utter the word

Where the bitch is at I don't remember that No Mike Your mic's not on Hold on Not on yet Not on yet Get your story straight

No Still not on Yeah figure it out in your head Come up with your idea We're good now Zaha Yes Perfect I don't remember saying that

I might have said it to you Like jokingly Like smokes Like where the the bitches at? Yes, exactly. To which, can I tell him? Yes. He said, I have another girl who is texting me right now, and she's at a bar.

And I'm like, that's definitely a lie. And he's like, no, actually. And then he got on FaceTime. Within two rings, this girl picked up on a dance floor, loud environment, and picked up her phone. Noticed that Smokes was calling. A lot was going on. She says, Smokes, where are you? And Smokes, the player that he is, he was like, yeah, I'm going to go hang out with her.

So if you call her, she'll pick up in two rings? Yeah. Call her right now and tell her you're 5'11". Yup. Yup. Yup. You have to. Yup.

Wait, preface it with don't freak out. Hey, don't freak out. I got some bad news. Let's see. To be fair to Horny Connor, you were off the hinny on Friday. Well, no, yeah. Friday was a rough day. Wait, you're Horny Connor.

You're really Horny Connor? Yeah, I'm extremely Horny Connor. You were very... You were macking on? Oh! Like, Luke came out of his shell. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Bro, yeah!

What are we doing here? Nick, high noon act. What are we doing? Why are you freaking doing that? Everybody breathe. I'm excited. It's time to load up on the ice and break out the oversized lawn games

because the High Noon Game Day Pack is back. It includes limited edition fan faves, pear and cranberry, along with black cherry and grapefruit, made with real vodka, real juice, 100 calories, gluten-free, no added sugar. The High Noon Game Day Pack is a fall exclusive, which means it's here for a good time, not a long time. Visit HighNoonSpirits.com before your next tailgate to find a pack near you. I had plenty this past weekend.

I had a lot of pineapples this weekend. Yeah, you did. Why? My favorite flavor. I wonder why. They're sponsor smokes. No, I know, but you know what pineapple is. Yeah, we know.

We know. We know what you're doing. I was just making sure. So, I know, but you know what pineapple does. Yeah, we know. We know. We know what you're doing. I was just making sure. So what were you saying? No, no, no. We don't. Mookle's like Fred Flintstone trying to start his car. No, we can't.

We got to save it. Why not? Put up the KB picture. Mook had... Jim Jiminy, Jim Jiminy, Jim Jimory. Did you see how much soot he had on? How much what? Soot KB had on.

I immediately unapplauded. Let me see this. I'll show you. Come on. Yeah, but no. I mean, Mook was in his back. Oh, whoa. He looked like Prime Allen Iverson.

It was a war. This weekend was a flat out war. Okay. Did you want to get fired? That's what happened. That's bad, bro. Listen, I didn't take the picture of myself. I'm not teasing it on a...

I think he might have left before. I think he put that on after. There's no way I would look at you and not... That was the first blind apply, and I scurried to the restroom. Someone must have quickly taken that picture. When you say blind apply, you had your jar of soot. You can't see your face

when you apply at any time of the day. Unless you're in front of a mirror. But you blind apply sunscreen. Yeah, and my face is white as hell. So how did you bring it? You poured all the soot in your hands and clapped it together? It wasn't that much. Just the cheeks, as you can see. The wasn't that much. Yeah. Just the cheeks.

As you can see, the forehead wasn't covered. The neck. The forearm. It was tasteful. Yes. There was a period of time. What were you supposed to be? Chimney sweep.

A chimney sweep. Who's that? It's a profession. It's one of the oldest professions. You thought it was a name? What the fuck is that? Who is that? Explain it.

Take a wild guess. Bro, I don't know. You're wearing some stupid fucking hat with black fur. Go off the name of the profession and take a wild guess. What's it called again? A chimney sweep. That's actually the definition. What, do you just jump through chimneys?

That's the job requirement. You like a chimney cleaner? They're the first people to get occupational cancer. Dating back to the 1200s. You really do have tism. Look at it. That is a wild costume. Because I know some shit.

Yes, it should be sweet. Yeah. So it's that guy's face, but like maybe 200% more soot. The responses. The responses in the group. Too much soot. Holy shit. Someone add responses in the group. Too much soot. Holy shit. Someone add gas to the chat.

Miscalculation. No one save. But when you told people what your costume was, did they know what it was? Very obvious. They didn't know what that means. Mary Poppins. Yeah, Mary Poppins. Oh.

I never saw that movie. I guess they wouldn't have chimneys in Florida. Yeah, we don't have chimneys in Florida. Okay, yeah. That's... They probably don't. Knowing about anything going on outside of your hometown. But you know about chimneys in pop culture.

I know about chimneys because of Santa Claus. But that's it. Yeah, that's a big thing. But I didn't know they had chimney cleaners. They still do. They do? Yeah, they make about 100K. But I didn't know they had chimney cleaners. They still do. They do? Yeah, they make about 100K a year. Really?

Oh, now I know what to do when my contract's up. Alright, call this a check. I'm kind of scared. Tell her you're live. Yeah, you have to say you're live on air. Oh, you're doing hot eyebrows? She might be at work.

Oh, no. She's not picking up. This is bad. What's her name? Don't say her name. Just her first name. I can call my other one. Call your other one. Nicky Smokes is going to have a dry race board of his AP top 25 in the

studio. Every week there's going to be movement in the ranks. Hey, Daze. You're live on air right now. I just wanted to tell you that I'm 5'11 and not 6'. Okay, great. All right, thank you. I love you.

Bye. What? That didn't go well. What do you mean it didn't go well? She said that's okay. Did she? Yeah. But then you said I love you.

She said bye. No, she said I love you. You're in love with her? I don't think I heard that. No, I'm just a love bomber. I just tell girls what they want to hear. I love you. I'm six feet.

You're my favorite. I'm six foot. I have a horse cock. Should I tell my other girl I'm 5'11"? Yeah. But you got to say it. You got to preface it. You got to preface it with like, hey, don't freak out.

I just got tested. This has been killing me. Don't freak out. I just got tested. I'm in pain. I think this one's getting her passport today. What? Oh, okay.

Yeah, she's going to Mexico on Tuesday. And she's... I think this one's getting her passport today. What? Oh, okay. Yeah, she's going to Mexico on Tuesday. This one's getting her passport today. This is kind of fucked up. Don't scare her like that. No, don't show the face. Don't show the face, CJ. Don't show the face. Yeah, don't do that.

Yeah, she's at the passport office. All right, yeah, just send a text. I'll be like, yo. We could do an automated text if you want. right, yeah, just send the text. I'll be like, yo. We could do an automated text if you want. Yeah, Nick will tell you the text to send. All right, what is it? Hey, I know you're busy today. I don't want to distract you from your vacation coming up.

I just want to let you know. I got tested for free. You got to speak slower. Go back to hates. Spell every word as well. But I just got tested. Today. We do it in Nicky Smokes mini voice.

For free. Hey, that's me, Nicky the Dolphin's fan. Down here. Hey, what's up? You're live on the yak, just so you know. I just want to let you know. You're live on the yak right now, so there just want to let you know you're live on the yak right now so like there's a lot of people that can hear you um i hate to do this i just got tested and um

i'm five foot eleven damn damn do you still love me do you still love me do you still love me Damn. Damn! Do you still love me? Do you still love me? We'll see. Love it! Damn! Please take me back!

I'm flying her out next week, too. What are you flying her out so she can get the groceries at the top shelf? You got some light bulbs you got to fix in your apartment? He's flying out a real tall bitch. I need you to clean my gutters. There's some dust up there. I can't reach it. Fuck you.

I can't even clap back. Now I'm a short midget. Short midget. I have to get a six pack now. I got to get on a diet. No more dumb sack. No more drinking. I'm not going out anymore until I have a six pack.

We'll see. Yeah, we will see. It's bad. Yeah, we'll see. No more drinking. I'm not going out anymore until I have a six pack. We'll see. Yeah, we will. It's bad. Yeah, we'll see. It's bad. That honestly hurt. And I bought her a first class flight. It was Frontier, though.

Oh, that's not first class. What do you mean? She's row one on the window seat. 230 bucks, round trip, sold. Was that her spirit? Because no one else really flies out of Orlando to Chicago. This is a bad day. When you fly, do you sit first class or do you sit in the back?

I just buy an aisle seat. Yeah. Or like an emergency row. Okay. Well, you don't need the leg room. Yeah. This is the worst day of my life. I thought I was going to come in here like chest up. You you know everyone's sucking my dick because the dolphins won and i bullied my boss

for four hours but no like now i'm just this short little weasel rat yeah it's crazy how fast that you thought everyone would suck your dick because of the dolphin yeah or at least i suck my own dick when the dolphins win yeah yeah no he does time. You looked at me this morning. You walked into my studio and you said. Our studio. You walked into my studio. You looked dead at me and you said, six and two, bitch. Yeah.

I'm a Dolphins fan. I know. It's like when girls are like, slay, bitch. Like, that's what I was talking about. Like, six and two, bitch. Yeah. I did that this morning in Brandon's studio, too, but I was just telling him my height. You just, you won't stop.

I can't bounce back from you. I can't even fight back. I feel like I made it worse for you too by coming in here. No, you backed me up. You did exactly what I needed you to do. I love you. You're in my good graces for life. Nicky Smokes invited me to a squish party that was Saturday.

Did you not have fun? It was squish. It was squish. Squish? was squish. It was squish. Squish? Squish. It was squish. Shout out to your boy, Missile. At your place?

Shout out my boy, Missile. Yeah. Go. This is at your place as well? No, not at my place. Somewhere else. No, he's just got boys everywhere. Yeah.

You're squishing all over the city. Yeah. Yeah. I am squishing all over the city. I'm hot right now, bro. I'm on a hot streak. What year is this for Tua? Four?

Four? Yeah. He's drafted in 2020? 20, 21, 22. You guys tanked for him. Yeah, he's great. What did you guys go in 2019? Five and 11. Oh! Oh, man.

That was good. See you, folks. Take this and. That was good. That was, yep. See you, smokes. Well done. Wow. Take this. Take this and give this back to the guys. Well done. See ya.

That was the greatest. Nicky smokes on his 2019 dolphin shit. That's amazing. Can somebody play the little xylophone noise as he walks away? Tammy walked right into that one. That was fucking great. There he is. There's that little guy.

Oh, he's pointing. Oh, he's pointing at me. He's pointing. He's saying he's seven feet or seven inches. No, seven inches. He got seven inches and he pointed at his dick. Oh, fuck. He's a king, dude.

Dude, I like him so much. He's down to clown. Yeah. He's down to inches. He's a king, dude. I like him so much. He's down to clown. He's down to get clowned. He's the type of dude that'll send you a text after the night's over like, love you guys. Great time out. He's a good dude. He apologized for leaving the party because he had to get pussy. Sorry, man. I just had to go.

He was acting like he had to pick up a prescription. He was like, sorry, guys. I had to split. I had to go get some pussy. sorry, man. I just had to go. He was acting like he had to pick up a prescription. He was like, sorry, guys. I had to split. I had to go get some pussy. If I have a daughter, I'll kill myself. Goddamn. Mickey Smokes. What a guy. Speaking of having babies, Kate.

Kate. Oh, yeah. Kate. Should we FaceTime Kate? Hey, how you feeling? Oh, man. We should. Yeah, how you feeling? Oh, man. We should. Yeah, send her a Zoom link, TJ.

She's getting cut open right now? That sucks so bad. We debated. Do you think she's feeling dread or it's going to be a relief? I think it's dread right now. Yeah, the word surgery. I think after nine months, I'd be ready. Yeah.

Excited. Yeah. You don't feel anything right With a c-section Um Oh I think Well they do the epidural Which is just like

The most insane drugs In your spinal cord Or spinal column Whatever it is I'm sure just the thought of it Was scary right Yeah Yeah

Someone's sawing open your belly She's probably busy She's probably busy right now. Oh, God. I think six dudes are qualified to debate this. Yeah, what would hurt more, do you think? Sitting a baby out your vagina? I think the pussy, yeah.

I've passed a kidney stone before. Yeah. It's worse. I've been having a little like heartburn recently that sucks ingrown beard hair oh when you accidentally graze it yeah it feels like a pimple oh what about a pimple under your nose yuck the worst and that little crease yeah it sucks these are the worst we should actually we should do a quick tier of worst things worst things yeah cj pull up here make the most painful thing let's do something yeah Most painful thing. Head your toe on something. Yeah, most painful thing a human can feel.

I would give childbirth like a C to you. B. High, low B. C, I like C. You like C? Yeah. I think start it at C and then we'll see what happens. A C-section, they numb it, you know?

So like, you don't really feel anything, do you? Right. That's kind of easy. Yeah, and then like. That's kind of. You're just going in. A natural birth is is that thing's naturally lubricating it slides right right right it's like it's like taking a piss it's a hole it's already

a hole it's like taking a piss after you come right yes no no no that's worse all right so yeah uh put that's a lot of pain. Tolerant pain. That's hitting the balls. Childbirth is tolerant pain. Tolerable pain. Yeah. All right, so what are the other ones here? I get to zoom in.

I can't. I think discomforting should be above tolerable. Drowning tattoo. Wasp sting. Oh, that's bad. Minecraft pet gets killed. That sucks. Broken bone. Where's kicked in the balls? Dog bite. Drowning tattoo wasp sting. Oh, that's what I'm trapped pet gets killed that sucks Where's kicked in the ball?

Was that mosquito bite and a wax put mosquito bite next to child a childbirth, yeah Yeah, drowning I would say is probably top is that pain though. I might be fast. It's more scary than pain. We'll keep drowning off. That doesn't really fit here. Yeah. Paper cut needs to be above childbirth. Okay, here we go. Oh, forgetting to save a project? That's the top.

Guys, let's be serious. Kicked in the balls is number one. Yes. Kicked in the balls is number one. I think wasp is very intense pain. Wasp? Yeah. Slide wasp up one.

Can we move mosquito down, actually? Let's be serious. And childbirth down with it as well. Discomfort. It is discomforting. It's got to be discomforting. Yeah. What is burning?

Where's pepper spray? Is that sunburn? Sunburn in eyes. Oh, touching hot stove sucks. Number one. I hate burns. That's A. S.

Burning to death. What's worse? Touching a hot stove? Oh, phone drops on faces is number one i hate burns that's a s burning to death what's worse oh phone drops on faces number one as well that hurts i had a dude uh in madison who was who wanted to do a selfie and someone hit his hand and the phone hit me in the nose and i was like i might be out for a while that would probably be what triplets feel like yeah i think touching hot stove and burning to death are the same thing yeah yeah we don't need to do the burning to death what else is there ankle sprain ankle sprain is also probably the second tier it's worse than a break it's way worse than a break very intense pain now we gotta put some childbirth above something yeah let's go down i think mosquito mosquito bite can be oh legos oh no legos is pretty bad. Mosquito bite will do annoying. Okay. What is that?

Biting a... Biting something on the... Biting your tongue or cheek? That sucks. I can't tell what it says. Getting stabbed? Getting stabbed. That would be the top pain. But getting stabbed up there.

Biting a stone. Does that ever happen on accident? What's a woman's belly? Getting grabbed by Luigi at 0%? Yeah. Super Smash Stone. Does that ever happen on accident? What's a woman's belly? Getting grabbed by Luigi at 0%? Yeah. Super Smash Bros. Okay. What is that one?

What's the woman with her stomach by the pizza on the bottom right? Period. Oh. Put that below. Yeah. No pain. No pain. Stubbing your toes got to be the second level.

Yeah. We got to fill pain. Stubbing your toes got to be the second level. Yeah. We got to fill out all the tiers here. Forgetting to save a project. That's got to be up there. I think that's annoying. Okay. Yeah, put that next to the child. What's the half body, half...

What's that? Is that sunburn? Body. Skin to live. Skin to live. Oh. That's probably bad. Paper cut is tolerable pain.

Don't put skinned alive up there. That's gross. We're not going to use it? Yeah, don't use it. We don't have to use everything. Yeah, we don't have to use everything. Use paper cut as... What is that?

Tolerable pain. Right above the top of the person. Let's see. Luigi. Luigi should be the third tier. Whatever the third tier is. Have any of us ever felt this pain? Distressing pain.

Oh, yeah. Intense pain. Yeah. Pepper spray sucks. Yeah? I've never gotten pepper sprayed. I've gotten secondhand pepper sprayed. It sucks.

I've sprayed myself. It sucks. I've been sprayed often. Jesus, TJ. We wanted to spray our friend Jack Schilder with pepper spray for fun once and it was windy out, so we all got it. Oh, shampoo and eyes. Oh, vaccination top.

I didn't even see vaccination up there. Can we add vaccination? Maybe not pink. Can we do an autism tier? Alright, so we need one for the third tier, and then we can tweet this out. I mean, I think... Oh, shampoo in your eyes.

Shampoo in your eyes, yeah. Third tier. Or fourth tier. Distressing pain. Yep. That's the type of pain where you want to call your mom. It goes shampoo, paper cut, childbirth. Yeah.

Let's do... We have to do something below period. Pleasure. What's pleasurable? Candle wax Candle wax is pleasurable Wolfie, wolfie, wolfie Wait, what other ones do we have?

Stepping on a Lego Is that what that is? Stepping on a Lego, that could be the fourth tier Put that next to childbirth They're basically the same That is fair. They're basically the same. They're both child-related. Okay.

What is the stomach one down there? That's period. No, wait, no. Hearing. Oh, have to pee real bad? Oh, yeah. That's true. Third at least.

No, let's do... Just went through that. Dude, that's at least distressing pain. I think it's tolerable pain. I would say intense. If you really have to pee, that's at least distressing pain. I think it's tolerable pain. I would say intense. If you really have to pee, that's not very tolerable. I would go intense. Does it say really bad or bad?

No, really bad. You can see them. They're holding them. Holding back yourself to pee? That's intense pain. Kick the balls. Okay. Yeah, that's pretty good.

This looks about right. Yeah, all right. So let's tweet this out. Maybe tag Kate. Oh, my God. Oh, she just sent me a message. Oh, boy. Tweet it.

Caption it. The boys made a tier list while Kate was on vacation. She's happy. She's in there. She's doing it. She's probably on a shitload of drugs. Oh, wow. They put you on a ton of drugs. I've never smiled that big.

Yeah. Gee, I don't think she'll have a problem with me showing that picture. Lucky gal. Looking good. Good. picture lucky gal looking good when i when my first son was born i i've said this before but i went on foreign wmba bets oh man can the dad ask for drugs can you get an epidural as well i should have baby we're going through this together of course we all in the room know what an epidural is but just in case someone watching at home,

just so we're all on the same page. It's a pain drug they put in your back. But they only do it for childbirth. You don't get... Yeah, you can do it for other stuff. That's the only time I ever hear about it, though. You basically can't feel your legs. Oh, that might be why.

But you never hear about epidurals. No, women think they why. Yeah. But I've never, you never hear about epidural. No, women think they own them because they give birth. Epidural. Big Cat, were you in the room the entire time? Yeah, you have to, unfortunately. I have four. For all of them? Yeah.

You're not going to ask me? Brandon. Brandon, were you in the room? No, he was outside smoking a cigar. The last one, I didn't go in the room at all. She was like, I got this. Yeah, you weren't even there, right? No, I was taking a nap in the waiting room.

What do you do in the room? Are you like under center? You try to get as far away as you can. Over the shoulder, baby. Over the shoulder. North of the wall. You try to get as far away as you can. And then the doctor's like, hey, dad like get in the game and you probably

feel obligated to do some chants you're like you squeeze the hand what is like your go-to utterance or you just tell them to squeeze your hand i said a lot of like do you want me to run out and get something oh i i was uh making sure my wife's music was good she had this was back in 2008 she had an ipod and i was making sure the music was on good for her. So what song? I don't remember what it was. And then the baby comes, and you're like, whew, that was stressful. Yeah.

And then you say, we did it. Yeah. We did it. Team effort. Yeah. Epidural is a procedure that injects a local anesthesia into the space around the spinal nerves in your lower back. The anesthesia. Why can't I say this word?

Anesthetic? No, anesthetic. Thank you. Usually blocks pain from labor contractions during birth very effectively. With an epidural, you can usually still push your baby out when you need to. Yeah, I mean, it basically just makes it so you can't feel anything so it is just childbirth then like do people if you're getting a knee surgery you don't get an epidural yeah i guess i guess probably the only time you ever probably because we're tougher than women epidural probably

epidural for yeah i don't think paul pierce has ever gotten an epidural for one of his many injuries or Reggie Bush. So there's an epidural steroid injection. I've had this before. I don't think Axel Jim Duggan's ever had one. I've had this before. Epidural steroid injection is when you have a back problem and they put a steroid in your back. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Into your, yeah, I've had that.

I've told the story but i had it and it was i had a doctor in new york when i threw out my back the last time and he was i think he went to wisconsin he was like what year did you graduate i told him then he's like yeah i'm class of like 52 and i was like wait what and then he told me he was like yeah i'm retiring after like in a month and then he dropped the needle right before he put it in my back. I was like, dude, you should have retired a long time ago. So crippling back pain like that is the worst thing that's ever happened to me. It's the worst pain I've ever felt. Yeah, I believe that.

So I've had it like two or three times. I've had it once. And I can't move. Yeah. I laid up for four days i went i had it last time i had an idea playing basketball and i thought it was okay and i took an uber home from playing basketball got out of the uber and i stood on the sidewalk for 30 minutes because i couldn't move like just standing leaning up against the pole and i could not move i woke up the next day from

lifting weights and i was done yeah i was i was broken it is the most pain and then do you have you ever had contractions that's no i've never had that yeah where it's like just a shooting pain and it comes every like two minutes and you know it's coming and you can't do anything about it oh yeah it's way worse childbirth way worse it's gotta be yeah c-section is just like opening up a ziploc bag and taking the meat out right yeah it's just like taking something out of your pocket yeah the meat yeah yeah like cold chicken like you want a zen and i'm just like yeah here you go c-section popper open c-section in my pants yeah that's how you break the the paper around the zintan and you said that there's a max of three. Yeah, I think my...

I don't know. Someone, a relative of mine, we'll put it that way, had, I think, three, and she was told... No fourth. No fourth. No fourth. Like, don't... Yeah.

But I think when you get a C-section, then you've now committed to C-section. Maybe it's just this one particular case, but I think once you get one, you're just a C-section person. I mean, if you do one, you've already saved some wear and tear on the old puss, so why not just keep saving it? So I think once you do one, yeah, the next one,

they're just like, let's just... It's the same scar. Like you said, Mook, it's like a Ziploc bag. You just kind of... They put a zipper on it, and it's just... Z said same scar like you said mook it's like a ziploc bag you just kind of they put a zipper on it and they just zip up and down well now they got the resealable uh stomachs yeah oh man what's the uh what's the trick-or-treat strategy for everybody in terms of uh oh you should have the candy oh oh bowl outside the door please take one yeah

yeah what are you doing I'm not I don't know I don't know you guys you guys like live in a apartment yeah

I think bowl outside the door I'm gonna be trick or treating oh that's right with my kids yeah my son I guess they went to when I was here yesterday

they went to Target and got a bunch of candy. And then my son this morning was like, there's candy in that cabinet. Do not eat it when I go to school. And I ate so much when I went to school. I was like, I fucking had candy for breakfast. You don't tell me what to do.

Any Almond Joys? No. No. You like Almond Joys? He does. I'm in the camp of, they're not disgusting. I'll bring them in. They're not disgusting on paper. I bought the variety Almond Joy? He does. I'm in the camp of they're not disgusting. I'll bring them in. They're not disgusting on paper. I bought the variety pack at Costco way too early.

I've had this sitting in my living room for like three weeks now, and I'm just picking apart the Twix and the Reese's and the Snickers. That's fair. We are down to like 50% Almond Joy, 50% the rest of the shit. I'm a little mad. York Peppermint Patties. Oh, no. I love York Peppermint Patties.

I'll bring them in. I'll bring them in. This is the first time I'm handing out candy. I'm a little pissed because I wanted to be the big size. Those houses were the best. It was jackpot. Like, holy fuck, they have big candy bars? Yeah.

I thought I was going to be that too. I guess I'm not. Neither am I. I don't want to do that. I might fuck around and knock on my neighbor's apartment door and just be like, give me candy right now. Do you have a costume? Sort of.

You should think of a trick if he doesn't give you a treat. Got to back it up. I pants him. Yeah, him and the balls. No candy? Nice cock. Nice piece. Fill him up. Yeah, I'll fill him up. I pants him. Yeah, hit him in the balls. No candy? Nice cock. Nice piece. Fill him up.

Yeah, I'll fill him up. Fill his ass up. Yeah. What time are you going trick-or-treating? I think, like, probably 5. Okay. Because the sun goes down. I don't know.

It's going to be cold, too. I know. I think, like, yeah, probably between, like, 4 and 6. Feels like it's... you got to be there you got to man the battle stations i'm trying to maybe i misremember from when i was a kid but i remember like it's trick-or-treating started when the sun went down and i feel like yeah i i think that's maybe you you might be right but with little kids i know you might have to i think we're gonna probably go like 435 i'm driving by uh there's like a school on i guess

they did it yesterday on there's a school on the on the drive-in that was advertising the trunk or treat at like 2 p.m yesterday um yeah i don't know i i i your neighborhood's gonna be big time trick or treat it is yeah but i'm worried that it's gonna start at like four it's gonna go from like four to six or something like all Like all these little towns are like scared. Yeah, but you could just turn off all the lights. Yeah. Just pretend you're not home. I'm worried about kids being pussies is what I'm saying.

I'm worried that they like trick-or-treat too early these days. You'll be home. You can hand them the candy. The concern is not whether I'll be there, Brandon. The concern is for the next generation. Are we raising a generation of fucking pussy kids? Happy hour. I don't want to be that guy.

Why are the trick-or-treaters out when the sun's out? Wait until it's like 9 p.m. Take some fucking eggs. Kind of sounds like you're being a mother. I don't feel like you really understand what I'm saying. Kind of sounds like you're being a mother. Never mind. Never mind.

Never mind. You guys ever do Mischief Night? No, I was afraid. No. What is that night called? Mischief Night? Stephen Che threw an egg at a house. Oh, yeah.

What was that? Remember that he made a whole episode out of that? Yeah. We were tired. Yeah. Yeah, we made him retell the story. It was his worst story. It went through an open window, I think.

Yeah. Oof. And then they ran on bikes. Yeah. We should probably get it. Titus, you really got to get this plan down. I feel like you're stressed. It's kind of freaking out.

I'll try again. I feel like as time has gone by and we as a nation have become pussies, the trick-or-treating has started earlier and earlier and earlier. And now the trick-or-treating in my neighborhood is going to go from 4 to 6 p.m. And then they're going to tuck in their little kidsies and kiss them on the head and say goodnight. Yeah, you did good. When I was a kid, when I was a badass kid growing up, we waited until it was like 9 p.m.

Preach. And then you go on your skateboard and you go through the neighborhoods and you're fucking throwing eggs at people i think it's like no i think it's like yeah like because my kid now my oldest is four so i like they go to he goes to bed at seven and all these initiatives i all every neighborhood i've heard about is like now the trick-or-treating is earlier and earlier and earlier and like when the sun goes down that's when it's over it might be happening right now i gotta go home that was my concern was like uh yeah am i the only one that's noticed this he's gotta put a bunch of candy out yeah and one shithead kid will take it all yeah no it'll be a mom you think it's a it's always

it's always an adult that does it no way it is always there's always every halloween we get at least one video of this adult with their kids, and the adult's like, hold up in your bag, and just pours all the candy out. Oh, damn. Badass. It's always a fat adult. That's a scumbag. Fat adult. It's always a fat adult.

Fat adult. It is. Fat adults are the ruination of our society. I can't stand fat adults. It's bullshit. Show a little self-control. Show a little self-control. Eat a salad once in a while.

Yeah, you think a little fucking sea salt spray in your hair will distract you from your grotesque body. No. Yeah, buddy. No, you can't dress that up. Yeah.

You can't dress that up. Maybe I'll put on cool shoes. Maybe this fucking screen-printed image of a wrestler will cover up my tummy. No. Not happening.

Not happening. Dumb shit. What are you talking about? Fat adults. Fat adults, bro. The worst. Did you tweet the tier? I sent it to Connor.

Oh, okay. Good. I want to see the reactions. Get everyone up and on. Get them going. Moog, did you stand up this weekend yeah a couple times nice yeah i've been busy and then we're in uh north carolina this weekend me and sass yeah thursday you're going thursday yeah so i'll be out thursday friday love that not that you're out love that you're doing you're doing your thing. I appreciate that, Daddy.

Yeah. I like how you said that. I didn't like that at all. I like it a lot. You jealous, Pop? You jealous, Pop-Pop? No, I'm just... You call him Daddy, call me Pop.

Pop-Pop? Pop-Pop? Little Pop-Pop? Pop-Pop? Stop touching me. Pop-Pop's cranky. About being called Pop-Pop. When do you have to take the boat out of the lake? Huh? When do you have to take the boat out of the lake?

Huh? When do you have to take the boat out of the lake? Soon. I think there might be some freezing issues soon. Are you just going to go grab it? No, I have a ramp. Have you taken a shot on the court yet? No, I haven't.

I've been respecting the court rules. We can't yet? I don't think we have basketballs. No one can do it early. I went five for five yesterday. No, you didn't. I'm bringing the ball tomorrow, Titus. No one can do it early. I went 5-for-5 yesterday. No, you didn't. I'm bringing a ball tomorrow, Titus.

No, no, no, no. It was a flat ball, and it never hit the court. I'm bringing a ball, Titus. Don't. Why? No, no, no, no. You shot it five times. It never hit the court.

That's a lie. They were all close range. It was a flat ball. And you had somebody catch it? No, I just caught it myself. Well, that's very close. very close you can't claim five for five if you're that close i actually did hit one from long range and jake caught it for me did uh your team start the playoffs yet yeah we did we won uh 63 to 8 the other night oh my god yeah all right no we played a bad team did you uh have you like reached out d DMed the quarterback, and like, hey, just in case?

Y'all can laugh. I DMed the quarterback weeks ago. You did? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like, hey, we got your back. I've been in the quarterback's DMs for months. Yeah, you got to. How long have you lived here?

He DMed me first, okay? I talked to him. I had the coach deliver me. Wait, you really did? I had an assistant coach deliver me some uh some shirts the other day so uh i might be trading barstool hats for antioch shirts uh yeah so so that's what i got going on smokes smokes tiny smokes just came through you prank wars there's clients here i have to put my shoes on there's clients clients here

oh brandon that video was sick, too. Thank you very much. Of what? Oh, the football team and the band? Yeah, they sent that to me, and I said I'll tweet it out for you. That was some real Friday Night Lights shit. Who sent that to you? One of the coaches.

My boy, one of the coaches. Are you, like, commenting flame emojis on the quarterback's Instagram posts? Drop that huddle tape. I'm not really an emoji guy, but listen, being the quarterback. What's his name? Have you taken him out to dinner yet? How tall is he? I haven't taken anybody out to dinner.

Who's he dating? I don't know. Yeah. I don't know. You got to reach out to his girlfriend. Is he a senior? Yeah, you got to reach out to his girlfriend. Hey, he hasn't got back to me, but I said he could come drink at my house.

As long as they're not doing it, you know, I'll keep him. You got to reach out to the girlfriend and tell him come drink at my house. As long as they're not doing it, you know, I'll keep it. You've got to reach out to the girlfriend and tell him it's playoff time. He's got to focus. We played Carmel Catholic this week, and I think they're pretty good. Okay. So it's like a round of how many? I don't know, but I think Carmel Catholic is very good.

Where's the game? We're 10-0. They're 9-1. You've got to start tweeting at the rival quarterback. I don't know if the game's at home or on the road. I think it should be at home because we haven't lost yet. Will you go? Oh, it's got to be at home because I drove by the field this morning. Well, you're if the game's at home or on the road. I think it should be at home because we haven't lost yet. Will you go on the road? Oh, yeah, it's got to be at home because I drove by the field this morning.

Well, you're 10-0 and they're 9-1. I drove by the field this morning. I noticed the lights were on at 6 o'clock. I said, why are the lights on? And they were bringing in bleachers. So I think they're expecting a crowd. They still put the – When is it, Friday night?

Yeah. Wow. They still put the paper cups in the chain link fence and spell out go Sequoia. It probably is there is it that kind of high school it is that kind of high school will you be upset if they lose

I will be upset I like that I don't want to lose yeah well Brandon Walker gets attached to you you're a winner do you yell at the refs

haven't had to we blow everybody out this Friday will be tough so you might have to yell at the refs might have to yell at the refs Brandon's gonna fuck around and become Buddy Garrity

I've been Buddy Garrity for 20 years, buddy. Well, for one team. For my high school. Remind me where you watch from. What's your strategy? Well, I've had multiple strategies, okay? The first night, I just picked a seat in the general population, and the bleacher was like a poor.

You? Yeah, I know. I felt awful. You must have gotten fucking hounded the second night by people the second night I went and stood on the sidelines

because I wanted to feel that again okay and then I stood for three hours I was like this kind of sucks I want to sit down

so now I get there early and get a good seat up top get a good perch nice at the top yeah I don't get the top row because I feel

because that's the alpha move right I don't get the top yeah I get like two rows from the top I feel – Because that's the alpha move. Right. That's the top. Yeah. I get like two rows from the top. That's the guys that won the 1975 state championship. Right. They never sit down.

Yeah. Lean up against the back. Yeah. They wear their rings. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm nervous for you now. I'm nervous as well. We'll see. I mean, Carmel Catholic is a good team. They lost to Carmel – they lost to Mount Carmel. They did out of Chicago. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Who's lost to Loyola. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, those are good teams. They lost to Mount Carmel. They did out of Chicago. Who's lost to Loyola. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, those are good teams. But we'll be ready. Nick Day will be ready. He'll have the boys ready. He became our all-time leading rusher the other night.

Shout out Nick Day. Oh, this is a play. Oh, he's the running back. Yeah. Shout out Nick Day. He'll be ready. He'll be ready. Oh, he'll be ready.

Nick Day's always ready. Nick Day rolls out of bed. He's ready. Out of his race car bed. Ready. He be ready. He'll be ready. Oh, he'll be ready. Nick Day's always ready. Nick Day rolls out of bed. He's ready. Out of his race car bed. Ready. He's ready. We're not going to talk about Nick Day like that. Can you tell he's like a cool guy?

Oh, yeah. Nick Day's a cool guy. If you met him, would you try to impress him? What do you mean if I met him? You've met Nick Day? Oh, I met his mom. I met everybody. Brandon's standing with all the families after

Where all the kids go by I like it I kind of want to go I do too Can we stay at yours? Yeah, come on Can we bet on this shit? Probably not, but just come over

You can see the stadium from my house You can see the stadium from my house We'll drive over I want to experience that You can see the stadium from my house. Nick Tate first touchdown. You can see the stadium from my house. Nick Tate first touchdown. We'll drive over. I want to go. Yeah, I want to experience that. Yeah, we'll go to Antioch Pizza, get a slice. It'll be good.

You're friends with the owner of Antioch Pizza? No, I'm not friends with the owner of Antioch. That's crazy. Is that the post-game hangout? Although it is delicious. Is that the post-game hangout? Pre-game and post-game hangout. It's a terrific restaurant. Fantastic place. It's where terrific restaurant. Fantastic place.

It's where Nick Day hangs out. I'm stopping there tomorrow to have some breakfast pizza. Get the boys a slice. Yeah, get the boys. If we win this Friday, slices are on me. You're going to buy slices for the whole pizza team? The whole pizza team. The whole pizza team is getting a football.

The whole pizza team is getting a football slice. The promise you made on Mostly Sports, does that still stand for the boys? Oh, boy. No, I said it for West Point. Oh, that's right. That's right. That's not Antioch. I said it for West Point.

If West Point does win, I will buy the state championship rings this year. Oh. Yeah. Damn. Yeah. Yeah. Is there a chance they could win? They have played for the state championship for the last seven years running.

How much would that run you? But Brandon Walker always backs a winner. About $20,000. Oh, my God. That is the estimate that I've been told. You could cheap out on them. I'm not going to cheap out on the boys' rings. You could, I say.

Would you have any sort of insignia that it was from you on the rings? Oh, half of you. Yeah. I would fly down there and have a ceremony. I would need to do that. Okay. I would need. You'd have to put your initials on from you on the way. Oh, half new. Yeah. I would fly down there and have a ceremony. I would need to do that. Okay. I would need. You'd have to put your initials on it.

On the inside. Yeah. Yeah, I would do that. Yeah. BFW right on the inside. Yeah. But I will. You know what?

At a certain point, you're going to root against him. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to say the same thing for Antioch. Oh. Oh, shit. Oh, I want them both to win. Oh, shit.

I want them both to win. Yep. shit. I want them both to win. Yep. If we win. If Antioch takes state. I'll tell you what. Me and Big Cat will buy the rings. No, I'll one-up you on the rings. If Antioch and West Point win, I will fund them to play a game.

Oh. Meet in the middle. Oh, shit. Hold on. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Is that legal? I don't want that. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Is that legal? I don't want that. No, no, no, no, no, no.

We can make a high school. We'll find one true winner. The Brandon Walker Bowl. Yeah, the Brandon Walker Bowl. The Brandon Walker Bowl. That'd be cool. I can't have the two towns collide. The Brandon Walker Bowl would be electric.

No, no, no, no. Just relax. Barstool Broadcasting. Yes. Okay. No, we don't even have announcers. They're probably about the same size schools, right? Handicap that game for us.

It sounds like Antioch would wipe the floor with them. The other way. Oh. Oh, Westbrook. Oh. Oh, shit. Oh, you don't want to see Nick Day get hurt. No, no, no.

I'm so sorry. The parents are just like, why, Brandon? That's my boy, Nick Day. We trusted you with our boy. No, no, no, no. He's a man. He wouldn't get hurt. He's a great player.

Great player. What are his weaknesses? Any weaknesses in his game? Doesn't have any. Doesn't have any. Loves football too much. Strong, tough runner. You're going to try to get him to go to Mississippi State?

Great guy. I'd love to get Nick Taylor to go to Mississippi State. Really? Yeah. Where is he committed to? I don't know. I haven't talked to him. I talked to his mom.

He ain't committed. How many stars? Huh. How many stars? Huh? How many stars? Oh, this team is full of stars, buddy. How many stars? On the Brandon Walker stars? They're all five stars.

We got stars everywhere. We got five-star hearts. You should start your own recruiting service. Just Antioch and West Point get all five stars. Okay, you don't want them to match up. No, I don't want them. What would the final score of that game be? No, come on, Nick.

Come on, Nick. Just let's not make a big deal out of these things. West Point's a bigger school. They wouldn't be in the same classification, I don't think. West Point High School's probably 1,200. I think Antioch's only like 1,180. Yeah, that wouldn't be fair. That wouldn't be right.

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to bowl with the boys. Yeah, that would be fun. We need to bowl. It's bowling weather. Titus is good at bowling. He's very good at bowling. I could get pretty good if we went regularly. Although, what'd you finish in that championship? He lost to the eventual winner, right? I lost to Carl. Third?

Did I? Final four. Yeah, final four. Who was in the championship? I lost to Carl. Did I? Final four. Yeah, final four. I was in the championship. I was. Carl and Dan. Remember how bad I rigged the bracket? Oh, that's right.

My side. Megan and Kate. That would be like West Point versus Antioch. Remember when Shea practiced for like three straight days and then lost in the first round to Sidney Wells, the outdoors girl? And he still thinks he's good at bowling if you ask him. He's like, I just had an off day. The most delusional man on earth. I'm so jealous of him.

Of his brain. Yeah. Yeah, he's even spinning everything we've talked about today is positive. Yep. Of course. Of course. Let's see. Let's see if this...

Pole has dropped. Oh, yeah, here it is. What pole? Tears. Oh. I gotta see what size Antioch is. Everyone's just saying Lego's way higher than the child. Oh.

Oh. Oh, what is this tj what else we got 1285 well let's see what westport has i thought madison was incredible it's my first time there it's very exciting it's a great town the madison is a college town that like i don't have to hype it up because everyone who goes there, they're like, yeah, this is fucking awesome. Yeah, it was very like almost out of a movie. It is. It was back to school, Rodney Dangerfield. There you go.

I drove in, and when you drive in from the south, you have to go over one of those lakes. Yeah, there's two lakes. It's on Isthmus. It's just beautiful. Yeah, I bet you like that geography. I love Isthm lakes. It's on Isthmus. It's just beautiful. Yeah, I bet you like that geography. I love Isthmus. What is an Isthmus? Water on two sides. It's a little bit of land in between two lakes.

What's an archipelago? Chain of Isles. Archipelago. Archipelago, right? What's an archipelago? It's a grouping of islands. What's a fjord? Fjord is like a very narrow body of water, like a narrow lake, right? What's a buttjord? A fjord is like a very narrow body of water, like a narrow lake, right? What's a butt?

A butt? A butte. A butte. Is that like a mesa? Long, deep, narrow body of water. Okay. All right. What's an estuary?

What is an estuary? Why does that sound like it has to do with birds? Estuary. Tidal mouth of a large river, idiots. Yeah, that's right. And the delta is the end. Antioch was 1285. Tributaries are the little fingers that go into it.

How do you rank your Big Ten campuses? West Point's 1098. Madison's up there, yeah. Bloomington's a hell of a place. Bloomington's awesome. Bloomington's beautiful,. Madison's up there, yeah. Bloomington's a hell of a place. Bloomington's awesome. Bloomington's beautiful, but it's also like, the nice thing about Madison is it's a city too. Yeah.

I mean, Bloomington's not quite a city, but Bloomington has its own little separate thing. Bloomington's a nice college town. I would have Madison Bloomington top two. Columbus is a hell of a lot nicer than I would have ever expected. I love it. Columbus is too much of a city for me. It's a city.

I'm going next week. This upcoming week, I'm going with Rico Bosco. That's right. That's going to be great. Iowa City, I always say, is up there as well. West Lafayette, down there,

maybe the lowest. West Lafayette and Champaign are my two least favorite. I always grow up... Evanston's cool. I like Evanston. I like fucking New Brunswick. Growing up,

I always thought Champagne was like Urban or rural Right outside Chicago Yeah I thought it was a suburb Same And I did not know That it's just three hours away

In the middle of a fucking Cornfield Yeah And it smells like manure Yeah Yeah I football detoxed this weekend Complete break

Just took one week Yeah cause you're scared of Dave I'm afraid of Dave I feel that Rightfully so. Dude, it was awesome. Nicky Smokes was calling him David the whole time on the stream. Yeah, how was that?

Those guys are both in the five feet range. Yeah, sure. Let them duke it out. I'm going to watch from up here. It was good. It was a good stream. Yeah, Smokes has been hitting the line i swiped you for 100k and i'm like every time he says it i'm like i don't know if he has the biggest balls in the world or he's the dumbest person in the world yeah that's a fine line swiped you for 100k

but nicky smokes i mean he's he's done what you have to do at barstool is like As long as you just get a little bit ingratiated, it's tough to get rid of you. That son of a bitch will be here forever. Ever. And with good reason. Yeah. Be a chimney sweep if he's not. Nicky Smokes. Not knowing chimney sweep off of context clues is nutty.

Yeah. He's not the smartest. Just the words chimney and sweep pretty much do the whole job. It's like asking how to win Connect Four. Well, then he said we don't have chimneys in Florida as though, like, growing up in Indiana, my family had a personal chimney sweep. As though any of us have ever met a chimney sweep in our lives. Yeah, I grew up in West Virginia. I don't know what a beach towel is.

He also said, who is that? Who? Has there ever been a man named Chimney? My boy, Chimney. Who is the most famous chimney sweeper, not the Mary Poppins guy? That is the answer. No, but is there like a goat chimney sweeper? Like an actual.

I think they started four years old. I feel like we've done this on the Yak before. We've talked about that. Have we? Because we looked them up. We came in contact with someone who is a chimney sweep, and they make good money, great money. Do they have a union?

I would imagine, yeah. Are they independent? I would imagine. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm.

Makes you think It does When are we allowed to show the basketball court? I think Thursday It's right there I can see it Just picture a basketball court It's got wood

There's a hoop on either end. I think Thursday we can start doing some hijinks. Dunk contest Thursday. We've got to make Stephen Shea do something very embarrassing. Maybe just follow him around. I'm just running the suicides on camera would probably be it. Yeah. Yeah.

He looks like such a goof. A goof is a good word for him. He's a goof. He's a goof. He's a goof. Everybody has one word that encapsulates it. You're an oaf. I'm an oaf.

Lummox is also good for me. Yeah. Which one implies dumber? Because I don't think you're dumb. I think oaf. Oaf. I think oaf is dumber than lummox. Oh, is it?

I thought oaf was just to kind of... Bumbly. I think it's implied that they're a little bit dumb. But I like to call him Lenny from Of Mice and Men. Well, that's not... That's a little much. Lenny. That's a lot.

Lenny Walker. That's a lot. That's a little... That's a lot. You read that book? Of course I did. Steinbeck. Did he write that?

Yeah, I think so. Okay. Sounds right. Roger? John. John. Roger sounded good. Did he write that? Yeah, I think so Sounds right Roger? John John Roger sounded good You thinking of Roger Staubach?

I think so I think so That's easily confusable Yeah, John Steinbeck He wrote that and The Graves of Wrath And The Pearl And The Pearl

I had to read The Pearl Wait, who wrote The Meat No, what is it? The Meat Fact? No. Animal Farm? Animal Farm. George Orwell.

That's right. Who also wrote 1984. 1984, yeah. Which is when Michael Jordan made his debut. Right. That's how you remember. And he wrote that in the book. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Yep. Michael Jordan. 84 was a good year. That's what he meant by big brother. He was talking about Michael Jordan. He was a good year. That's what he meant by big brother. He was talking about Michael Jordan. He's a real big brother. Did you see the Gavin Newsom Chinese kid?

Is he running for president? I don't know about next year. I think he's preparing to run. He's been preparing for years. I think his entire life is, in his mind, he's like my entire life has led to eventually being president for sure. And he thought he was so slick. So slick. So fucking funny, dude.

Oh, try to spin it. Try to spin it. Oh, dude. Now watch. He tackles it. Oh, he makes it. Kill, big dog. You're done, man. Hey, no hug, no hug.

You're done. Oh. You're done. Oh, no. Yeah. You got to scramble a little bit, I guess. He tried so hard to cover that up Yeah That was a slick ass surface it looked like he was playing on

Yeah Is that in China? Looked like it Could have been I don't know I'd say Yeah Fuck it yeah Looked like it Howdy, I'd say. Yeah, fuck it, yeah. Looked like it.

How's it going? Who's going to get hurt first on the basketball court? Jerry? Yeah, he's a dog. I mean, over White Sox Dave? Yeah, he's going to dive for a loose ball. Yeah, his knee's going to get pulled out. Like, just when we're shooting around.

Yeah. Yeah. Jerry's also, like, he's gotten almost very badly hurt many times. His finger pops in and out. That will happen a few times. He'll show it to you. It's like he has no cartilage in one of his fingers. Huh.

Unicycles are only like 90 bucks. I want to buy one. Can you get one that gets your bite? Yeah, I think I'd be good. Prime one day delivery. Oh my god. Tomorrow. Kyle, you would be a good unicycle. Thank you. I want to

get a unicycle and a pogo stick and just set them out there. Yep. We should set up dummy traps. We should lay dummy traps just lean them up against the wall yeah who's telling me did you were you telling me the lasso guy did we hit him oh they're gonna hit him up yeah there was this like halftime show in football or something and it was these guys that were lassoing on the ground and they had people to have to sprint through the lassos yeah and they were just getting them and oh it was these guys that were lassoing on the ground. And they had people have to sprint through the lassos. Yeah. And they were just getting them. And, oh, it was amazing. I would love to get lassoed.

We should also play the egg game. We can play it, I realize, at the backyard. I didn't know we had a backyard. Yeah. TJ, can you get that set up for Friday? I haven't seen the backyard. Just bought a unicycle. All right.

Can we put, like, an actual bear trap out there? We just need stuff for people to fiddle with. Set a literal bear trap oh yeah oh this is what we need yeah okay yeah so yeah we need to do this we just set up holy shit yo we gotta get these guys yeah i love how they're wearing the hats that's how you know they're good. He made it. Oh, no. I don't know what this is. This is like one of those dog obstacle courses.

Oh, Jesus, dude. Uh-oh. Here we go. They're good at this. That's got to feel so good. This guy's got no chance. Oh. Got to make the goal.

They let him go easy. Come on, dude. Yeah, we got to do this. Oh, oh, he's trying. Oh. We got a double. That's so good. That's awesome.

We need to get that. We need to hire those guys. Just lasso everyone who walks in the office. Just stand at the front door. Gotcha. All right. TJ, you want to spin the wheel? Yeah, should I set up for Friday?

Outside the egg game. Let's all pick a date of when the first wet's going to happen. Today. You think today? I think it'll be this week. The first wet's going to happen. Today. You think today? I think it'll be this week. The wheel's getting a little bare. Yep. I think we'll be clean, dry till January.

Yeah, let's... No. Yep. Friday, we should do our personal wheel, too. Yeah. Let's set that up. November 2nd. So everyone come with their one idea For the wheel

That will be the secondary wheel Has to be something you can do immediately Immediately in the office So that way we don't get a big pile of shit That we haven't done We'll just pretend that that was in the past The future is the future So

If a corn maze We'll So If a corn maze We'll still do a corn maze We could probably create a maze here What Are we blackballed by every corn maze? Yeah pretty much Pretty much They're not down with us

We'll just kind of buy a field With a bunch of acreage Grow some corn Do our own maze Should be ready That's what they had to do in Inception Two or three years Yeah

Or Interstellar fuck Oh keep going I want that mousetrap so bad I wonder if we get someone to build like a human-sized mousetrap that would be you want somebody to die of a broken neck that's what you want i don't know die is the right word well that's what a mousetrap is designed to do to mice so if you're going to do a human-sized one it would be designed to kill us you want to kill one of us with it with a mousetrap with giant cheese i don't want to kill us i want someone to get hurt it's just a prank bro Just put like a golf club on the mousetrap and watch Hank and Jerry get snapped. Yeah.

Way too difficult with these huge springs. When these springs are fully tightened, you really have to fight that bar back. These guys are rolling the dice. Why did he sit in there? Stop it. Yeah, we know. All I have to do is bring down the bar, lock it into place, and then use the winch to pull in some of the rope which tightens the springs. Then all I gotta do is pull the pin,

and we should be in business. All right, guys. Time for our first test. Okay, here we go. Three, two, one. Huh, doesn't want to go. Okay, three, two, one. Oh, doesn't want to go, okay. 3, 2, 1. Oh, god.

I want that. Yeah, take that, Gallagher. You dumb piece of shit. I want that. I want that. These are two interests combined, Gallagher and mousetraps. I want that. Anyway, that bar came down super fast, but just how fast was it moving?

I want to see that kill a regular mouse. Okay, this or pregnancy. This. A million times. Oh, that would be awesome. 42 miles an hour. Wait, what was the next thing he broke? Three, two, one, go!

Oh, that was even fiercer. Oh! Yo. That took a lot of revisions to get this mousetrap working perfectly. Because every time I wound it up, something would break. So I would have to fix that and then I'd find the next weakest link and so on and so on. A lot of welding later, it works great. The next thing we're gonna destroy is this model volcano I made. I used about 50 pounds of clay and it took me about three hours to put all the little decorations on there.

That's a great frame of reference. We all know And just to make sure we get some cool, that's one of the tougher substances All right here we go three two one Whoa! That was cool. That was awesome! This guy knows exactly what he's doing. That was sick. Mark Rober's newest video. It's pretty cool. He put a GoPro on a Hot Wheels car and sent it around a pretty cool track. You can check it out. I'll put the link in the description. By now you've probably realized that this thing is pretty serious. It does not mess around.

What was that volcano made of? Clay. not mess around so what was that volcano wondering what would happen your arm got stuck in there or something like that well i'm not gonna try it but i think i'll volunteer this guy to try well you know what this guy doesn't even oh maybe he'd do better if he had a hard hat on oh wow hard hats work I think he's okay. The helmet looks like it's a lot more snug. I haven't seen the high speed yet, but something tells me this guy didn't make it either. Two, one.

Oh! And my girlfriend calls me a hoarder. She says, Oh! Yeah, he's dead. This guy's a freak. That's a headache. That was pretty sweet with this styrofoam head. I couldn't believe how much it compressed down onto that. It's made me so nervous I was just sitting on it. I think it's time to retire.

He's had a tough day. Let's move on to the oobleck balloon. Yes. I don't know if this can stop it or if it's still going to go right through this. What is this? It's like if it would land on a titty. No! Oh!

Oh. All the goo Awwww That's disappointing. What did you do to Oobleck, Day? What is Oobleck? Oobleck is like a mixture of cornstarch and water. Oh, can't you like walk on it? Yeah. If you run fast enough? It's like the way that the... Von...

He's... Yeah, he's explaining it. ... already know that, but what you don't know is what I'm planning for this mousetrap. See, after this video I'm gonna try to make it... So it's liquid, but when you when you slap it it turns into a solid but when you let it like live it's pretty dirty so we're gonna wash it off with all these colas oh gosh this one's in there good oh yeah this is awesome okay remind me next time to get diet sodas because this just made everything about 10 times stickier and messier will Well, that thing is awesome. And I want to keep smashing stuff.

I already smashed everything that's smashable. Except for that raccoon, which I'm not allowed to smash. But I think I have a way to solve our raccoon problem. Dude, I'm getting wasted. Oh, no. Emotion smashing raccoon. That's the first thing I'm doing.

I'm going to hold the cord and the raccoon goes flying across the yard. Have you even tested this? Oh. So how much does a raccoon weigh? About the size of a small watermelon? Roughly. Wait, he's gonna fling the raccoon? Oh, hell yes. Two, one.

What? Did it break? Now he's just wild. Where'd the watermelon go? Back to the drawing board. That was disappointing. Alright guys, that's it for this video. He posts his misses though, I like that. Yeah. Where'd the watermelon go? Back to the drawing board. All right, guys. That's it for this video. He posts his misses, though.

I like that. Yeah. That guy rolls. Okay. All right. See everyone tomorrow. Great yak, boys. One day closer to the basketball court.

Shout out, Kate. Everyone subscribe, please. Like the stream as well. Subscribe. Subscribe for Nick stream as well. Subscribe. Subscribe for Nicky Smokes. Yeah. We'll be at 511. And I'll see you guys. Happy birthday to FBI. Bye.