The Yak - Caleb Finally Gets A Golf Bag, Cool Guy Kyle Ruining Relationships, A Lunch Draft, And Much More...

Episode Date: October 30, 2020

ONG.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. You got games on your phone? What do you have more, games or nudes? Games. Really? Yeah, I have like three games. Damn, bro.

Do you pop off two nudes, though? No. Are they your nudes? Yeah, they're just like before pictures. You waiting on that after? Yeah. I love to take. I mean, every picture I take after that's an after picture.

Facts. Except you're not in the tanning booth yet. It takes extraordinary bravery to take a before picture. I wish you could take the before picture after. Right. That's what I mean. Like once you know, because you have to, a before picture is a leap of faith that you know there's going to be an after picture.

Like, there has to be worlds of before pictures that never got thereafter just because of normal human laziness. There are some people that their before pictures look way better than thereafter. Most people. Yeah. It's not that bad if you're taking it for yourself, but if you're having someone else take it, you're, like, submitting to blackmail, basically. Right. This is me at my worst. Like, this is me before the change.

That might hold you accountable, though. Here's my before picture. You hold on to this. What if they just leak the before and never the after? Or they switch them around and they say that the after is the before and that you've gone to shit. It's a simple photo. Or they turn their programming to live stream and they're like, they just put it out immediately after you take it. Oh, fuck.

This is his before picture and then you just got to work your ass off for six months while everyone knows what you look like. That's accountability though. That's definite accountability. This is the Yak Best Of Podcast. KB's been very silent and I want to know why. Do we start? Yeah, we start.

As soon as we started talking about before and after. Plug your mic in, KB. This is some fucking... KB's on some... KB is a... Steven's obviously in here cracking up at KB's expense. What you giggling at?

Steve Clit, bro. This boy just fucking laughs. Steve Clit. It's the best of the act podcast where we rehash the best moments of the entire week. KB's here. Steve's here. Nick's here.

Caleb's here. Big Cat is on the show. Brandon's on the show. But they're not here right now. Not enough mics. Not enough mics. But that leaves us to talk about the shit that we need to talk about. Get some shit off our chest.

Censorship. Yeah. Yeah. Too much of chest. Censorship. Yeah. Yeah, too much of it, but not enough. Yeah, they're never going to censor us. I'd like to see them try. It's impossible for them to censor us. Say the C word. They're never going to take...

Caleb. Censor. Yep, that's the real C word. They're never going to take us offline. No matter what we say, no matter what conspiracy theorists we have on, they will never take us off the airways. That I promise you. No matter what we say. I'm about, they will never take us off the airways. That I promise you.

No matter what we say. I'm about to test the limits. Really? Yeah. Give me time. Yeah? Y'all have never seen KB twisted before. Get ready for tank off.

Yeah. KB likes to get down to the fucking edge. Get your soundboard ready. You're going to have to bleep. Can I hear what the origin of Steve Klitt was? Did he name himself that or did... He's shaking his head no, but I feel like he's lying.

You're shaking your head no, but you have adopted it. You have generalized that to your own home. He adopted the Klitt. That's what I heard. But these boys were born in the Klitt. We were born in the Klitt. We walked into the radio room and Steve was on the other end. He had his mask on as per and he pulls it down and he just does the peace sign tongue between.

He did? Yeah. Like he's like doing charades of eating pussy. But his tongue vibrated at a speed where it was just pulsating. Pink blur. Yeah. It was like one of those massage guns. It was salmon color.

It looked like a massage gun and somehow he, you know how a frog's tongue is bigger at the end? Yeah. It widens out. Yeah. And it's stickier, too. Yes. Man has a famously sticky, wide tongue that just fucking goes at a jackhammer speed, but not up and down, in and out. After seeing that, we just thought, you know, imagine what that could do to him.

It worked like a fan. You know what I'm saying? Those little blockbuster toys. Oh, like fucking just worse. And we could smell the clitoris. You know what I'm saying? Those little Blockbuster toys. Oh, like fucking just get worse. And we could smell the clitoris. Out of all the toy stores, out of all the places you could buy a mini fan, you chose Blockbuster. Because that's the one motherfucking place that you would go up, you were in line, and those little toys, you press that button.

Oh, on top of the candy. It goes on fan mode. It doubles as candy. A candy fan. And that's what his tongue was like, you're saying. But candy, that's temporary. That fan was also very temporary. It broke easily.

But hear me out, though. Do you think that that's, I don't think that that'd be pleasurable on a clit. I feel like that'd be treated like a speed bag. That would hurt the clit. Relax, big guy. Tone it down. The reason why they like him so much is definitely the stick. They stick around for the stick. They come for the tongue. They know what's coming. But they stay for the stick.

They think they want the tongue, but then as soon as he's down there walloping on it, they want the stick. You're just fucking beating it up. Just violent. Yeah, it sounds like you're trilling an r very regal steven has just been nodding solemnly this entire time it's like this is all true because he would refute it he will he often refutes if we tell lies libel or slander that's the only way to get censored is if we told a lie on air. You know that scene in Rocky where he's in the meat freezer and he's just beating up the cartons?

That's you. That's Steve Klitt. That's Steve. That's Steve's tongue. K-L-I-T-T. Very important. Yeah. We need one of our loyal ass listeners to make a sweet ass meme.

Rocky is Steven's tongue and the meat is the bulb of the clitoris. The bulb of the clint. The bulb. Yes, of course. But so you adopted Steve Clit into your beautiful world of Fuck FM. Yeah. Yeah. Did Fuck FM exist before this?

Maybe you could tell Caleb what Fuck FM is. Caleb, do you know what Fuck FM is? I should know more. I don't really know much about it either. Because it feels real. It's 95.7 Fuck FM. It's Nick Fuck. And it's too short for something?

No, it means fuck. It means like, you know. Violent intercourse. The thing we all do probably every fucking night. Short for fucking. Yeah, short for fucking. Yeah, night. Short for fucking. Yeah. Short for fucking. Yeah, yeah. Short for fucking. No, fucking.

And is it like a music radio station or is it more that you guys are just talking about terrestrial? Terrestrial shit. Yeah. Talking traffic. Talking high school football scores. Do you play music though? Nah. Just a newspaper pretty much. Just a newspaper, pretty much.

Talk radio. Yeah. On the FM dial. 95.7. Which you don't often see. You barely see any of that, honestly. That's fuck FM for you. Yeah, I mean, I am remiss that I missed fuck FM.

It started the last week, and this week it kind of turned into a bastardization of fuck fm because it's almost like you guys are playing the card of if we ever have to go over to terrestrial radio you want them to have a fucking ready-made microwavable show that they could just heat up and we just get to fucking yeah no stir no stir but where did caleb and i fit into this where does brandon and big cat we were hoping you guys would just seamlessly adapt we think you could but like do we get names do we have to write a Sibian yeah you do

but the thing is you gotta sound like what it became Friday it sounded just like Roger Klotz from Doug I think you can sound like any Doug character so feel free to be Patty that's good that's your fuck and then you could sound like a stuffy boy get it and explain what you mean by that stuffy

just like i can't a little but boy let's take this like this yeah yeah that's good yeah kb and i are both ro Klotz, and Steve Klitt is... Let him be himself. He's the beat. He's the beat. Give us a Steve Klitt. Steve Klitt. So that's that.

Oh, that's Mr. Bone right there. You can do that. Yeah, you can do that. Yeah, that's pretty good. That's pretty damn good. Wow, so we have the clip lined up. I feel like we might not even need to play it because of how good our voice acting was. But let's just play the fuck FM clip regardless.

And I think that there's maybe a little something about Liverpool. Liverpool. Let's play the clip. Fuck. Oh, man. Now I'm on one. All right. Yeah, I might have done the trick for you guys.

Dude, yeah. Fuck. Now I'm on one. Alright. Yeah, I might have done the trick for you guys. Fuck. Now I'm just exhausted. So we passed the cum part of the show. And now we're just in that malaise before we go to bed. Donnie, what kind of pussy are you getting into this weekend?

This is the vinegar strokes portion of the show. Have you ever heard that before? I've not. The vinegar strokes? I think it's like when your dick is still physically cumming, but no more cum is coming out. That's odd. That's a post-nut rarity. That's a haunted cum.

Yeah. He hasn't cummed for 10 seconds. What kind of pussy am I getting into? I'm going to be tearing some backs out you know she's splitting some tears tearing backs out i think bashing some mortal surgery on a spine yeah that's a blanca's finishing move i tore her fucking back what about a guy trying to act like he's fucked and just using the wrong preposition for every euphemism?

A guy, I blew her back in. You guys ever bash any gash? Oh yeah. Call me the seam splitter. I was all down in her gut.

I hate it when people say that. Up in guts. Shut up. So, Nick. We learned today on trivia that the pussy is the entirety of that area. There's different pieces to the pussy.

I don't think that's right at all. It's like one of those Rube Goldberg. It's a Rube Goldberg machine. The smallest domino is the clitoris. You press that and all the dominoes fall. Yeah. Yeah. the clit is the dominoes of the rude goldbergs of the pussy it's quite simple actually all right let's get a couple more calls 833 85 stool just to see where they take us i don't know where they're gonna take us we'll see because these are all very very vague these

are very vague richie and houston just says question richie what is your question oh i was telling you guys that roger was green and skater was blue that's what i said No I was wrong He was light blue And also Can we get some Beats Killer tofu That song was Fucking sick That was

A sick song I don't think There was one I don't think They had music In their cartoons Back then Fucking bellend

I don't know You're a fucking Bellend Brandon Is a bellend a butt A bellend No it's like A bellend It's the tip of A circumcised cock You, Brandon. Is a bellend a butt? A bellend? No, it's like a bellend. It's the tip of a circumcised cock.

You know why? It looks like a bell. So that... I don't think I could do it. It just came out of me. You can't do it. You're talking about Liverpool. Yes, I was talking like I was one of the Beatles.

But we were talking about the Bates from the show Doug. What's the sport that they play in, Doug? Beatball. I don't remember. I'm trying to just pick up and run with the fucking Bulls, and I'm getting trampled right now. No, no. Beatball was the sport, and it was

Chalky Studebaker, who won every single trophy. Goddamn. Who was the big fat green motherfucker? The Jolly Green Giant. They were all green, I think. They're a bunch of green guys. I mean, Roger's green.

They thought that Tio was going to pop off. I think Doug was the only white. I think Doug was white and had like a baby hair. I don't know what. My favorite movie growing up, and this is for real, The Green Machine. That was the soccer shit. No, that's the big green the big yes the big green green machine is like a naked flavor yeah yeah they should make a movie about that though because it's pretty obvious that doug was just made to sell beats like there's like

uh you know the got milk commercials are just trying to sell us milk doug was a show about beats and they just wanted to shove beats down our throat maybe the big green was just trying to have us on some fucking green yeah it didn't work i like the big green as well the uh the big green had all of our greatest child actors there was like a specific they were like an snl group there was like a specific amount of movies that were made for the athletic child actors to make in the Big Green. I don't remember much about it. Just there was a goalie. I fucking loved it.

People were knights. People were like dressed up as zombies. Was Goldberg in it? Or was it the fat kid with the red hair? It was Hamilton Porter. Hamilton Porter was in it, I think. He was the goalie. And that made me think that fat kids were supposed to be goalies in soccer. For a while, that was his conception.

I think they're supposed to be athletic. They were supposed to be goalies in soccer. For a while, that was his conception. Yeah, that's where you... I think they're supposed to be athletic. They're supposed to be able to jump, leap. But fat kids, they don't go anywhere else. Yeah, where are you going to put them? Defense, maybe? I feel like they just shouldn't be allowed to play sports. Yep.

I knew you were going to get controversial. Here it is. Here it is. All right, get the takeoff, KB. I guess this is our last episode ever with lines like that. Yeah. Oh, freaking Alex Jones over here. All right, get the takeoff, KB. I guess this is our last episode ever with lines like that. Yeah. Freaking Alex Jones over here. All right.

Fat kids shouldn't be able to play. Fuck, yeah. Say it. Tell us why, then. At least have some reasoning behind it. I feel like I don't want to. It's not just fat people. Sweaty people in general.

It's women. Oh, shit. Girls, too, and then there's others. No. Just fucking playing playing you're playing kb you better be careful though because you have a lot of influence on people we had a caller that called in and uh said you influenced her boyfriend and she didn't like it yeah that actually made me feel godlike is that your new shirt your Your new car daddy hat? Cheat on her? I want to get that. Degrade. Shit. The sanctity of our relationship.

Nullify the sanctity. Was it the pooping down the drain story? No, this was a boy who's dating a girl. The boy took on KB's cool guy persona and starts talking to her like that. He couldn't stop around her. To the point where she had to call in and just... Ask you to stop. Yeah. Do you think that she was maybe coerced by her cool-ass boyfriend?

He definitely got pussy. She was feeling it. KB, do you think you have any fans fervent enough to offer up their girlfriend for you? I don't think I have fans with girlfriends. Yeah. girlfriend for you i don't think i have fans with girlfriends yeah yeah i would love to see the analytics on you probably can't bust down your analytics right now on just who's male and who's female we uh there was a glitch in the system or something

because we checked the analytics of our anus account and uh it is 100 it's like it's like our rate it's like our radio station, 95.5. Yeah, it's named after the ratio of men that follow us. Yeah, that's really good. 95.5. No, we hate the inverse. We don't want no beaver lodge. For real, man.

Shit, that's type sus. That should be whack. So how did you act when this woman called in? Why don't we jump in? I don't think I said much Let's hear it Another girl Kyle Another girl

I don't really know how to say her name But Katrin Katrin and Boston Katrin yeah I got it right Katrin and Boston her boyfriend Katrin yeah I got it right Katrin in Boston tell KB your problem KB I need your help my boyfriend just won't stop

talking to me in your voice that you use to talk to women and it's mainly when we're about to have sex but it really it's kind of a turn off for me so I don't know what to do shit I mean what you think fuck you think It's kind of a turn off for me. So I don't know what to do. Shit. I mean, what you think?

Fuck you think. That's exactly the voice. I actually tried it outside of radio. People hate it. It's really off putting. Yeah, it is. Yeah. Yeah. It sucks. I can personally confirm that. Yeah. It sucks.

I can personally confirm that. Okay. Not help. I'm so happy right now that people are doing this. Is your voice going to use before sex somewhere? Yeah. It's that somebody heard and was like, damn, like, I could be fucking a lot more. Someone, I was like, I might as well try.

He's tried everything else. Yeah. Yeah. someone i was like i might as well try yeah okay is she on the line no she's gone she left yeah she's gone katrin that's the first katrin i've never seen the katrin yeah oh i don't i don't hate it i don't hate it either katrin i don't hate it. I don't hate it either. Katrin. I don't. Yeah. I try not to hate on names. I hate on names a lot. Well, I try to meet the person and then hate them. Yeah. Kids' names today are out of control. Everything's an Aiden.

Or an Aiden. Yeah. Jalen, Kaden, Baden, Maiden. It's all. Jackson. There's a lot of Jacksons. Yeah. A lot of Jacksons out there. Wow, that was really comfortable.

If I remember correctly, it was. That really made me feel at ease listening to you talk, KB. You've been on one, if I could say that much. My goal when I do radio is to make the most amount of drivers hit the rumble strips. With just like falling asleep? So distracted. Oh, that they're laughing so hard. And that they fucking... And the ultimate goal is for a death.

You're building towards something. It's for a tragic car accident. Or maybe people don't have to listen in their cars. Maybe they could work on their really dangerous job sites. If they're loggers, I know that that's very dangerous. You have a higher likelihood if some loggers are maybe listening. Underwater welder. Underwater welder is very dangerous, I've heard.

Soldier. We've got to get the yak to the troops. Soldiers, yes, yes. But we would have to get into a conflict first to kind of you know there's like a roofer with noise canceling like state-of-the-art headphones yes yeah and we just do like 30 seconds of silence then just blast him he slips falls through and that's your goal that's how you know you've made a motherfucker laugh when you know you're good at radio you can kill a man you can kill him over the airwaves indirectly and would you feel do you feel like you would feel any type of remorse if that happened kb no because that's not my blood

spilling out the blood of another that's not on me what are they gonna do there's no case for that in a courtroom you don't think so that would be funny if they tried they could class action it mcdonald's mcdonald's got sued over some hot coffee you don't think that you could get a wrongful death against you just because you fucking yo that's a misconception that coffee was crazy fucking hot is that true yeah it really was yeah like enough to give third degree so how are they allowed to even serve that it It was malicious. It was on purpose? Yeah. Oh, because I had misconceived that.

McDonald's did that to try to convince people she was ridiculous. And she wasn't. She was. She was ridiculous. She was. No, that shit was hot.

You're confusing her with the girl who had the chili, the thumbnail chili. Yes, that's a different one. It was a crazy fucking hot thumb. That was a big that was a big story. And our local McDonald a different... There's a crazy fucking hot thumb.

That was a big story. And our local McDonald's, well, the one in Moundsville, had the police officer who would put his pubic hair in the McDonald's something. Did you know if you put oat milk in coffee,

it would curdle? Really? I just learned that today. I heard if an officer put... Through experience? Tom Mullins told it to me. Fuck. Damn, I've seen that happen before

I guess I didn't know that that's what was going on I don't know why they just have oat milk I also heard that puben coffee will make a curdle as well that's why the cops

were doing it to make it curdle so they could send it back it wasn't coffee it was like a McDouble or a McChicken and he just wanted a refund dude he got cocky

like you do it once he's like damn that's fucked up you do it twice like damn that was you who did it he's just that's your own you plucked your own shit and put it on three times that is 100 let's see your pube patch let's see if there's any missing pubes from your bunch actually two times that's your own prank three times that's somebody who's out to get you right pube me once shame on you yes very true facts that's not big facts yeah find that article that's one of those special gifts that uh that you can get and it honestly winds up helping you

in the long run but if you look too hard for a pube, you're never going to see it. It's like an all-seeing eye. It's just one of those gifts that you kind of just have to sit back and wait for, and it will come to you when you're ready. Much like your golf bag, Caleb. Much like a gift that you were promised and that you waited on for a long time

and that you thought wasn't a real thing. And be honest with us. It still might not be. Did you ever think you were ever going to get a golf bag? I knew that at what point I would be getting a golf bag. Did you think it was going to be for me and Big Cat? Oh, no. You thought that that was never going to happen.

No, because you guys are pranksters most of the time. But? What'd you get? Well, you gave me, well, you want to tell them? We gave you the golf bag. You gave me a bag with two slots in it that has your name on it. Right. And I'm very thankful for it.

Yeah, because you'll be able to carry your golf shit around. Both of my clubs. Uh-huh. Both of your clubs. It's a little small. That's all I'm saying. It's just a little small. We're just cramming both of the holes full, Nick.

What? We're just cramming both of the holes full. Nick. What? We're just cramming both of the holes full. Yeah, and? I don't know. I just thought that that was like prime, like a little punchline. Yo, that's KB's edgy ass territory. That's true. That shit will get us canceled. Yo, talk about

cramming up two holes, KB. I didn't go there. Yeah? You want to stick to women not being able to play sports, my G? So, Caleb, we got our shit. We got the golf bag and we gave it to you. And this is that clip. I have a question.

So we're all back together. Ronan and I have a gift for Caleb. Should we give it today or should we save it for tomorrow? I already know the answer, so just save it. I know what they're going to say and I know what you're trying to set up. And I don't think it's funny. Why? You don't want a bag?

This is crazy. You have to save it. I know what you guys are going to say. You're going to say save it for later. And I know that's true. No, I'm going to say now. I don't know what Caleb knows. He doesn't think that we have a bag for him.

So they say we've got two votes for now. Now. Now. That's all I needed because there were only three people voting. No, I'll vote. That's expert tactics by me. Expert. Oh, so you four.

Flirting big cats joke. What do you think the joke is? You know what? I'm going to go get it. Go get it. Go get it. Stephen, can you go grab it? It's a box. It's a box right next to my... I don't want to get Caleb out of my sight.

It's a white box right next to my chair. White box. White box next to the chair. How big is the box? It's a tall box. It's a pretty nice box. Big Cat's been hanging this bag over my head. And I think it's kind of funny, but not fair.

Well, so for anyone who knows, Caleb is going to be a future pro golfer, and Ronan and I have promised him we'd get him a bag, and we did. Some time ago. Promises kept, promises delivered. It didn't translate. It was just lost in translation. If it delivers right now, will you not say it's delivered? Yeah, I will say, promises delivered. It didn't translate. It was just lost in translation.

If it delivers right now, will you not say it's delivered? Yeah, I will say it's delivered. Okay. And so I think, unfortunately, Caleb is projecting because he knows that the only thing that's been keeping him back from being a pro, which he says he's going to be, is the lack of a golf bag. So once we give him our golf bag, he's got to be a pro within like a year. Caleb's been holding his golf clubs together with a rubber band over the last couple of months. Just a large bungee cord. It was a rubber band.

Look at this. That's a slender bag. It's a perfect bag. Slender box. Yep. Give it to me. Give it to me. Give it to me.

Okay. Look at that. What's this? What is this? I actually don't know what's in here because I haven't opened it. I assume it's your golf bag. This would actually suck. You're going to accuse me of

setting this up, but it's not a setup. Can you notice that there's no... It has not been opened. The tape has not been opened. The tape is unmolested. We are unable of re-taping that box. Something we could not do. If you'd like some sort of sharp object.

Here, use this red pen. No, I'd like to take as long as possible. You guys can narrate. Wow, strong. For the record, now that this is looking promising, I do want to say... I do want to say... I appreciate the support from

Ronan Big Cat Management. I always have. Yes, you have. About two minutes ago, you were on thwart mode. Oh, interesting. So when did we first say that we were going to get this for you? The first week I said I want to go pro, which I think was in June. So we believed in you before anyone. Look at the knife, Zah.

Zah is walking around with a knife as tall as him. We believed in you before anybody else. We were among the first believers. Some tees. The hitting kind. Thank you to Sunday Golf. No free ads. Caleb, have you just been carrying around your clubs one by one?

Yeah. Every time he goes, it's like, alright, today's the 7-iron day. No, I'm dead serious. I have. I know that sounds funny, but I have been doing that. It's coming out. Oh my god. And it is a box.

It is a golf bag. Holy shit. Is that going to expand? Yeah, that looks thin. That looks like a fly ball. Don't ask for the thinnest bag possible. I didn't. This is like an umbrella carrier. That looks thin. That looks like a tripod. Well, don't ask for the thinnest bag possible. I didn't. Yeah. I've never seen this.

This looks like an umbrella carrier. He said he wants it to look like a paper towel roll. Yeah. I think Nick Cage had that when he had the Declaration of Independence on his back. Yeah, that's for a quiver. Because he lives in New York, this won't take up a lot of space in your apartment. It is like a quiver. It looks like the case for...

It looks like the tube you put in a bank for... Yeah. That was before it's time. This holds up. That's a souvenir. I'm going to. Okay.

That is a minuscule bag. No, this is a real bag. I see that. It's for a telescope. This is a beautiful golf bag that is perfect for New York City that can hold all your clubs. All your blueprint. All three of your clubs. I have more

clubs than that. You didn't tell us how many. You know what? I'll send it back. A standard bag has 14 bags. Let me hold it. Oh, he wants to hold it. Maybe take a look at the front roan make sure you keep it so that he can read it why don't you read it the other side why don't you read the other side when you take a look imagine dudes from across the course they

won't know if that's a small bag or you're a giant man what does it say what does it say what does it say it says 51 strokes compliments of and this is the biggest text on the bag, Big Cat and Roan. That's beautiful. Look at that. Look at that. 51 strokes and size, 10.5 font. Compliments of, 25 font, Big Cat and Roan. Yeah.

This is beautiful. That's beautiful. So what I'll do with this bag is I'll- Put that in your real bag. I'll put it inside a written bag. It's a nesting doll situation. I'll get you another bag, but isn't that a perfect bag when you're going to New Jersey? You put it in your real bag it's like a nesting doll i'll get you another bag but isn't that a perfect bag when you're going to new jersey you put it in your front pocket because right now all i have been doing is putting and i've been doing some uh some of the uh right so you don't want to lug around a huge bag that's true i'll get you a big one no i guys honestly this means a lot four clubs

in there you put your pitching wedge your six your six iron, your driver, and your putter. That's all you need. I can't even use more than that right now, so this is perfect. Exactly. Thank you, guys. How much expense did you go to here? Zero. Avery actually shouted Avery. He set this whole thing up. Actually, can I tell you the real story?

What? I'm not going to say the company's name. I think he already did. DM me. They said, we would like to send you this. Yeah. On behalf of us, on behalf of themselves. And I didn't respond because I said, I don't think we're allowed to do free ads. Right. And then I think Avery saw that DM because it was in our 51 strokes.

Yeah. I think he just sent it to you guys. Right. But still, we wrote and I promised that we would get you a golf bag. And what are you holding right now? A golf bag. And it means a lot to me in every way. And everyone will know that it was from us because, again, it says compliments of Big Cat and Ronan.

Huge text. Hard to forget. Well, regular-sized text. Huge on the bag. Huge. Enormous. It's like a big hand and a small penis. That's exactly.

Look at that. It's a putt-putt golf bag. You should just use that as a purse. It does only have two holes in it. Yeah, so? Nothing. No, so. Like any good man. I'm trying to paint a picture for the people who are listening. Interesting. Okay. It's nice.

It's great. Two holes. Yeah, it's like a purse. You should carry that everywhere. It's a good box. Try it on. Try it on. Try it on. Let your hair down and walk with it. You got some clubs in the building? It's a good box. Try it on. Try it on. Try it on. Try it on. Big guy. Let your hair down and walk with it. You got some clubs in the building?

Shake your hair out and walk with it. Go get your clubs. Go get your clubs. Put it on. Just get it going. Go get your clubs, son. Okay. You shouldn't be able to carry a golf bag like that.

He looks like a child soldier holding a news. He does. He looks like an archer. That looks great. He's going to go scan the roads in Kampala, Uganda. Dude, it fits all your shit. Dude, it fits all of your shit.

That is, he is struggling to get that in there. One more. Look at that. You don't need that many clubs anyway. Yeah, that hole wasn't built for that one. Yeah.

That bag was made by the same people that make clown cars. That's a man's bag. Hold on. I want to come get a picture of that. That's a man's bag. Two sides. We just exposed the big golf bag industry. Those golf bags are too big.

Yeah. What is that shit? Who's lugging that around? Looks like an ROTC kid. This massive bag. Look at that. That's beautiful. And every single club fit from that bag to the smaller, more sleek version of the bag.

I mean, that's a beautiful bag. So you can give that other bag back to whoever you borrowed that from? Yeah. And I had to get club suits. I don't have any clubs, so those are not mine either. The best part is that box has been sitting at my desk for a month. And I've just like, every time I look at it or catch a glimpse, I'm like, that seems really small for a golf bag.

Does it inflate? Yeah, it's probably got to pop open or something. All right. Hell yes, Caleb. I think it's a perfect bag for this time in my career. I, it's probably got to pop open or something. All right. Hell yes, Caleb. I think it's a perfect bag for this time in my career. I think it's perfectly fitting. It's a training wheels bag. It's a training wheels for a bag.

Bigger career, bigger bag. Yeah. Actually, I think it legitimately is like a bag for a seven-year-old. So we will get you a... We will... When it's time. We'll get you another bag. Maybe shave 10 strokes off and then we'll...

That would be actually nice. Every time you get 10 strokes... Can I put in an order now? Yes. Based on past experiences... How long it takes. Can we get the new bag now? Done. Ordered.

What are your specifications? Consider it ordered. Every five strokes, we'll make it wider. Yeah. Or add a a compartment we'll add just one compartment but we did kind of expose a flaw in golf bags like you're lugging around that monster bag you could hang this one on your wall like a foldable bicycle now like a little miniature bicycle like a little new york yeah put that behind your door like a tiny house that's for someone who has a tiny house. Yeah.

That thing is... Who wants to be economic with their space. A minimalist bag. You could put that in like a dresser drawer. We're future-proofing. Five years, those thin bags will be all the rage. Mm-hmm. As thin as you can get. The thin penis of the future.

How the thin penis is becoming in vogue. Mm-hmm. It's coming back. Oh, it's been back. You haven't read? Yeah. Thank God. Fat penises are so out. Unsightly. It's coming back. Oh, it's been back. You haven't read? Yeah. Thank God.

Fat penises are so out. Unsightly. Fat engorged penises. Grotesque. Bulbous. No one wants that anymore. Foul penis. Sorry, Brandon. It's okay.

Ha ha. Big too big. Literally too big. I'm dealing with it. Damn. And for those listening who didn't quite get it, Caleb's golf bag is really thin. It's like a lot thinner than most standard golf bags. So let's talk about most guys have tried different ways to last longer.

Looking at you, motherfuckers. Yeah, you did. You did. As much as that pained you. But thinking about baseball. Right. I love how that's the example. Doesn't always work.

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People are trying that? Yeah. Saying that shit to not come? Saying the Pledge of Allegiance backwards to not come. What do you do? What's your secret wisdom? I really focus in. I use Roman swipes.

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good to go. That's it. Go to GetRoman.com slash yak you can get your first month of swipes for just five dollars when you choose a monthly plan that's get roman.com slash y a k what's kb bit ingrown penis hairs yeah what is this kb uh was that a bit that you did it's like your soliloquy. Yeah, that doesn't need to be on there. No, it definitely needs to be on there. It definitely needs to be on there.

Oh, it's the dude that was trying to convince a girl that it wasn't herpes. It was ingrown hairs, even though it was all up his shaft. I remember, yeah, yeah, it was. Yeah, he had ingrown shaft hairs, and it was actually... It's common. It's fucking common, and it's not harmful it just happens to the best of us boys Brandon I'm climbing he's climbing he's about to be on one

don't do it right now he was on one twice last week we've been getting on one lately Colby decides when we get on one. And then we started a new radio program that airs the same time as the Yak at the same channel called Fuck FM. Fuck no, baby.

That's it. Similar. Very similar. Oh my god. Damn. Are we close? Someone's fucked on the one yard line. Nobody's fucked on the one. It was like a 29 year old pipeliner Damn. Are we close? Someone's fucked on the one yard line. Nobody's fucked on the one. You fucking. I'll tell you. In a high school stadium. Maybe.

Yes. It was like a 29 year old pipeliner from Eastern Ohio. Yeah. He blindfolds his girlfriend for her 18th birthday. Puts her in his 2020 Ford F350 lifted truck. Extended gap. Gives her a perk 30 because she's freaking out. Drives to his old high school football field,

walks her out, one-yard line, tells her, take it off. He's down on his knee holding his district championship ring that he didn't get. He had to customize it himself. And then he stands up and his dick is hanging out of the zipper of his Wrangler relaxed fits, covered in ingrown hairs and oil smudges. And he says, we can do it right here on the one-yard line,

but the end zone is a sacred place. Only us former football players. Act like you've been there before. They fuck, they fucking, fucking, fucking, and he says, get off me. His cum shot, he does it into the end zone. That's how all district linebackers are made. He's not on a perk 30 because he wouldn't be able to come unless it would have backed him up.

I don't know what any of that meant. No, you nailed it. That's Colby's fault. Colby, why did you unleash that in him? I apologize. I didn't know that was going to happen it. Colby, why did you unleash that in him? I apologize. I didn't know that was going to happen. Are you sure those are ingrown hairs, though? That could be something else.

I don't know. Are you positive? I just don't know. It's all up and down the shaft. Ingrown hairs on the shaft. A couple bumps. A couple bumps, maybe. That's just what he tells her.

Yeah. Don't worry. It's all just ingrown hairs. Yeah. He tells her he just shaved. It's razor burn, but he's still covered in hair that discharge is just you know i just shaved that patch it doesn't typically grow hair the ohio way his balls are the size of like uh raisins because of that creatine that he did back in high school. Raisin sized balls common side effect.

Okay. So that was KB's whole dick saga. Any last words on it? No. And again I don't know what that was. I mean you're just you're allowed to try things out here. Okay.

I did. Oh yeah. And it might wind up being the end of you, but if that's the case, that's fine because you can always wind up getting hired again if you go over to the good folks over at ZipRecruiter and specifically ZipRecruiter.com slash yak. You know, this past season, technology took sports viewership to the next level. People talk about the ratings being down. I'm pretty sure more people are watching them than ever. Everybody is going to view that shit, whether it's on their phone, if they're hanging out with their pals.

People are going to see it. But when it comes to hiring for your business, there's only one solution, and that's ZipRecruiter. They've been advancing hiring technology for years, and right now, you can try it for. Then ZipRecruiter's powerful matching technology identifies people with the right skills and experience, like KB, making very family-friendly and appropriate jokes and invites them to apply to your job, which is leading children around a natural history museum and giving them only facts without saying anything blue at all. It's a winning formula, no matter and no wonder why four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. So if you want to step up your hiring game, give ZipRecruiter a shot. You've got nothing to lose. Why? Because right now, you get the chance to try ZipRecruiter for free at ZipRecruiter.com slash yak. That's ZipRecruiter.com slash Y-A-K. So what are you waiting for? Go to ZipRecruiter.com slash yak. I have the information right in front of me. I know for a fact that this radio show and this podcast has more proprietors, more business owners than anyone else on our entire fleet of shows on this network. ZipRecruiter.com slash yak. Support your business. Support our show.

Make sure that you're looking out for yourself, you're looking out for your business, and that you're using ZipRecruiter.com slash yak. I'm convinced. That's it. That's got to be it. That has to be it. That's actually it. The silence was my main cue. You guys will pick up on that.

Let me use this time to pivot out of penis talk for just one second. And let's use this time to just plug the videos that we're working on. Because I know that you motherfuckers just came out with a video where you guys rediscover America. Is that true or is that false, KB? Nick, you can answer for KB. It's called Rediscovering America, but I wouldn't say we do. Really? It was you and Donnie.

And KB. The two of you and Donnie, and you rediscovered America. People can watch that shit right now. Yeah, tune into that. Caleb, what do you got? It didn't seem like you hyped it too much. Was it a lackluster? Definitely not lackluster. Yeah, so why are you you were hyping it too much. Was it a lackluster? It was definitely not lackluster.

Yeah, so why are you under-hyping it? I haven't seen it yet, but you're making me want to not see it. Are you an under-promise, over-deliver type of dude? Are you an under-promise, over-deliver type of dude? No, it was a good video. Tune into the video and I'll let them be the judge. Nice. Okay, let the people be the judge.

You're the judge. Flip the script. Caleb, this weekend. This weekend we have, oh, my little sidekick. The girl who dresses as me. We did a video together. We found out why girls poop in groups. Poop in groups.

Mm-hmm. Wow. Why did you never notice that? You never see girls go to the bathroom? I thought they were just going to go. Yeah, exactly. But why did they go together, though? I thought it was the chill spot.

The chat? It's something me and Roan actually were enjoying a meal together, and we were like, all these girls, they just go to the bathroom together. What are they doing? And I was like, this is a story neither you or I, Roan, is equipped to get to the bottom of because we can't go in the bathroom. So you needed a sleeper cell. So I got this girl who is female.

She went in there, and she figured it out. Damn. God damn. A female girl on the case. Yeah. And did you crack the code? We figured it out. We know exactly what they're doing.

So that's my video. That's exciting. That's a good ass video. So I over promise under the list. Hell yeah. Yes, sir. And Rowan, you haven't been stagnant you crazy motherfucker

yeah dog I had a cheesed steak video that uh you guys all all threw me a retweet I ran peep game

I ran peep game as well and that uh was maybe one of the most well produced videos I've ever seen oh you guys ran a peep train yeah

bike to bike to bike but yeah not to oh you ran that shit bike not to under i feel like you get like you're like fuck dude don't compliment the production guys that's my shit yeah that is your shit i'll do the sound quality was dope bro thank you bro thank you man saw your video the editing phenomenal sound beautiful cinematography. Good. What about the color correction?

Can we talk about the color correction, bro? That's what I need credit for, my motherfuckers. That's what I need badly. So go check out all the... Stephen, any videos this week we could check out? Steve, what do you got? You, Molinaro, and Willie talking about football. Yeah, Going Deep is out now. I actually do have a video coming out next week that I'll

be starring in. I'm keeping everyone in the dark. Starring I'll be starring in. I'm keeping everyone in the dark. Starring in? Starring in. Wait. I'm keeping everyone in the dark. Who else is in it? Can you say that? It's just me.

Who's the antagonist? It's you, isn't it? I'm the protagonist and the antagonist. What? An internal battle? That's a true star. Yeah. What?

See you next week. That's crazy. Now that's how you do it. He's like the Klumps. He's the Klump family. Yeah, he's playing all of them. He's playing every character. There's no doubt in my he's like the clumps he's the clump family yeah he just played every character there's no doubt in my mind that you put on a fat suit and didn't play any sports did you shoot it as well you let out a big we haven't shot it yet but it's uh

early next week really it's real is it going to be an intensive edit process uh yeah i did a second by second storyboard of it what second by second-by-second? What's the length? Seven seconds? It's like a minute 45. Okay. The length of a clip. That's 105 frame-by-frame planning, a planning board. Correct. 105 pages.

Excel sells, but yes. Correct. So this is data. I'm not using it for... But the fact that it isn't in an Excel spreadsheet it could be it could be used as data it could be interpreted

it could be used as data correct not misinterpreted but interpreted as data yeah stay tuned you know what yeah that's very exciting Stephen we're very excited to see that

we all got fucking videos coming out dude you might be here for the audio but simultaneously watch videos of us you know watch it at the same time

and we should say Brandon Walker's probably working on something. And Big Ed. Yeah, definitely. Brandon will talk about it himself. He'll remind you. He will. This is also low-key, on God, this is our Halloween episode. Oh, shit.

Halloween episode of the podcast. Steve, if you could put in like a witch's cackle here. KB, could you fill it in so you can place mark it? Yeah, motherfucker. Maybe you could give Nick a crypt opening or something like that. Wow, really good. Really nice. And Caleb, if you could do some bats fluttering by.

I feel like I'm in a cave. God damn. Very nice. And Caleb, if you could do some bats fluttering by. Caleb. That was. I feel like I'm in a cave. God damn. And Steven, maybe you could do like the guy who only has the peanuts at his house. The like really crunchy peanuts. Yeah, do that. But you have a huge bowl of them and you're not sorry.

Hey, guys. No candy today. It's just crunchy peanuts. But we got different flavors you take one only one and happy halloween fuck yeah ron just end us with a wilhelm scream so happy halloween uh to all of our peeps out there. In some ways, we do need to cultivate a listener name for the people who are listeners to the Yak podcast. Yak Tards. Jesus Christ.

There it is. That's not something, again, uncancellable. Like I said, they cannot come for our our heads there's nothing that they could do perfect the first the first all right we got it yes is always the right we have to follow our instincts always that's a name at first thought that we came up with right there insanely good instinctive reaction that's us insanely instinct we're gonna run with and really good uh this next's who we're going to run with. And really good. This next bit that we're about to get into is about a bumpy shaft. And no, I don't mean a mine shaft.

I mean your shaft. My shaft? No, Kyle's shaft. Right. So I actually got kicked out and banned from UCB for running with this one. Damn, you couldn't. KB, you've got the bumpiest dick. When you're jerking off, it's like you're speed reading Braille. But you're not allowed to go blue on that UCB stage.

You can't talk about your fucking Nestle crunch ass dick. I tried to pull it. And I really went deep on that part. i was comparing it to all tip different types of cuisine and um you did it during the children's show which i thought was messed up yeah it was bring your kids uh bring your kid to improv day they didn't even know what cobblestone was and i made i dumped it down for him i was like when your wee wee is covered in ingrown hairs to the point where it looks like a cobblestone road. But you still had it.

I said, when your little wee-wee. And they were crying. The kids were crying. They were pretty bummed out by it. And the lawsuits were fine. The parents were also pretty pissed off by it. But, silver lining, we have a radio show and a podcast where we can get away with that kind of stuff. We don't have to bow to Second City and all those improv purists over there.

We can do whatever the hell we want. Yes, and my bumpy ass dick, bitch. Zip, zap, zot. Zip, zap, zot all over my dick. And again, we're just fucking around. We are just playing. We have the utmost respect for Title IX and the improv community,

etc, etc. These are merely jokes that we tell because we know that we are among friends. Please enjoy these responsibly. But Ron, what if your legs don't work? What? I didn't know that was an option.

Well, you can go to Edinburgh University, the most accessible campus in the nation. And KB, you made a friend there. I did. I made a friend who went there. You talked about this before on the act, and we had to bring it back. I brought it up.

It's this tiny-ass, bum-ass, little-ass college in northwestern Pennsylvania in the middle of nowhere. But it's allegedly the most wheelchair-accessible college in the nation. Though when you look it up on the list, it's actually listed as number two. I didn't know this because when I went to visit, I went to their only bar and it was the ratio of wheels to people not in wheels. It was even. And I thought that was a treat. That was refreshing. Yeah.

So I made a friend. He shot me some DMs, told me some funny stories. Well, some people thought they were funny. Others didn't. We'll let you guys. What were some of the stories? What were some of the funny stories that they told you? Are we about to get into that? Yeah, we'll play the clip.

Mike from Edinburgh has called in. KB. Oh, good stuff. What's up, Mike? What's up, Mike? Hey, what's going on? All right, so you had a... Go ahead. Hey, what's going on? All right. So you had a couple of good stories and some tidbits about Edinburgh, the wheelchair capital of the world.

So now Edinburgh, it's a state school in Pennsylvania. Yes, there's a lot of students there that have disabilities, mainly because of the services that they offered for the students. But it's not just a school where there's wheelchairs all over the place. Yeah, there's a high population of students that are in wheelchairs. But there's other schools all across the country that have a high population of students with disabilities, mainly just because of the accessibility aspect of it. But yeah, you do have some funny stories with different things going on. I mean, there was a kid who got drunk on New Year's Eve and was in a power chair, and he was coming across campus and got stuck on one of the paths in a snowbank and froze to death.

What? That's not funny. No. That wasn't funny, Mike. I thought you were going to say it's like a DUI on it or something. Mike, that's not your funniest story. I mean, we were laughing. No, you are, KB. I apologize.

I shouldn't say funny. Interesting. Tragic? I just said that was interesting when you told me in the DMs. Interesting. Okay, what other funny stories? Anyone else die in a horrific fashion? I just said that was interesting when he told me in the DMs. Yeah. Interesting. Okay. What other funny stories?

Anyone else get die in a horrific fashion? I have another story about that as well, but I'm not going to share that. No, no, no. Share it. Share it. It was a guy, a student who was going home and he was driving a van that had hand controls in it and he lost control of the vehicle out into a field and

because he's in a power wheelchair he wasn't able to get out of his van and unfortunately they didn't find him for a few days and when they did he had passed away. You're a fucking riot, my guy. You have the best story. man i mean we have so i played wheelchair basketball we used to um i mean we travel by bus to different uh schools and playing wheelchair basketball tournaments we used to we had guys on the team you were talking about amputees we had guys on

the on the team that were amputees we used to hide them in the overhead compartments or and uh he would just scare people uh jump out and scare people so yeah we used to have a lot of fun with that but you guys were actually like good at um wheelchair basketball like top in the country yeah um when i when i played we were ranked top three in the country we ended up uh my my last year there we there, we had the opportunity to play for the national title. There's not many, I mean, there's probably somewhere between 10 to 15 schools in the country that offer wheelchair basketball. So, you know, there's not a lot of programs, but there are some really good schools like University of Arizona university, Illinois, uh, Wisconsin at whitewater, uh, Auburn university, university, Alabama, they all have programs. Good shit. And you said some of them went to, went onto the, you,

you specified the Paralympics. Yes. A lot of times people think people put that, you know, when you play wheelchair basketball, people confuse it with the Special Olympics. But the Paralympics happens right after the Olympics. And we had a couple players from my team that have actually played in multiple Paralympics. I have a really good friend that I play with here where I live, who has a bronze medal from London and a gold medal from Rio, DeSnero.

Hell yeah. Decorated. Yeah, so it's pretty cool. All right, Mike. Well, thank you for the call. Appreciate it. No problem. Thank you.

Yeah, if you have any other cool stories, definitely call in any time. Andy Dick. I'll just say Andy Dick went there Got in a fight at a bar He does that everywhere right What was the song you guys came out to To the court Was it by Limp Bizkit Keep rolling rolling rolling

Oh man Alright thank you Mike Have a good one man What a storyteller That guy Just tragic death hilarious that dude just like cracking up watching boy in the striped pajamas i asked him for interesting stories regarding the fact and he gave me those two tragedies and i

responded with lmao those are those are Bro, you got the funniest stories. Yeah, you got to meet my boy Mike. He'll have you laughing. Do you think that there are stand-up comics on that campus? Be serious. There has to be. Every college has people

who are trying out stand-up comedy, poetry slams. No, there are. You're looking for someone who has no legs. I think that there is something to that. There is something to that. And I found someone this week. I found a woman who is a stand-up comic, and she doesn't have any legs and i feel like you found a woman with no legs and

you uh made her become a stand-up comic no i found i found that all right so you're gonna come out on stage at shins and people who like music are gonna get that her name is her name is danielle perez she's a stand-up slash writer slash actress she was on on the CBS Showcase. She's a plus-size sequin bodcon, and she goes by that bitch in a wheelchair. Afro-Latina, and she's a stand-up. But does she have legs? And be honest. Don't.

Because we can check you on it. She does. I'm pretty sure that she does not. I'm quite confident. Yeah, she doesn't. Here's a video of her twerking. And she doesn't have legs. Can you guys confirm?

No. All right. She's like my Starbucks order. Go on. She's half-calf. That'll make it curdle. She has some... Shit.

I mean, to be honest, it probably wouldn't hurt to get a little more off. Just a little off the bottom. I mean, I think that she has the perfect amount of legs. But it also... When you don't have legs, when you don't have arms and you

have a good enough perspective to be able to crack jokes about it, you open up a world of comedy that nobody else can joke about. That's never been done before. You can say whatever you want. Yeah. And it's not crass. It's not some KB shit that's going to get you canceled. It's something that people can revel in, something that people can get excited about.

And it's like opening up a different level on a video game, and you can just play it that, I mean. Right, if you're lucky enough to be born with a deformity. Who among us wouldn't want no legs? You could get hired here, and you'd probably be unfireable. Yeah. No, you're definitely unfireable for sure. Yeah.

Yeah. No, there's no doubt in my mind. There's absolutely no doubt in my mind that that is the ideal lifestyle. That's how I feel. Next up on our recap. That wasn't even a segue. That was just a thought. What?

Did we just come out of that? Where did that come from? Oh, we were talking about a campus that has a bunch of wheelchair. I thought, well, are we segueing into that? No, we're out. We're segueing out. Yeah. We segueing out.

We just talked a little bit more about a little more legs. I'm sorry. I just got caught up. Siamese twins who don't agree on their pronouns. They have four in their body. She, her, they, them. We. We, us.

We, us. Yeah. And then there's I, we. She, her, they, them. I, we, us. and then there's I we she her they them I we us you think there's any Siamese twins I need this

the we us you think there's any Siamese twins with different Twitter accounts all of them probably you think so yeah

I need that's another it's like the chain smokers Drew Taggart's trying to do his's like the chain smokers drew taggers trying to do his solo shit the chain smokers are siamese twins no they could be

for all I know they inhale and in one mouth and exhale out the other mouth in true chain smoking fashion next up we have a Brandon tweet saga but I'm trying to remember what the is that it was. Bullying him into throwing that tweet at him.

Don't say bullying. No, we didn't bully him. We promised him numbers, and he got numbers. He got the numbers. And he's also impossible. If you're bullying a bully, it's not bullying. Right. It's impossible to bully a bully.

I tweeted it out. I fell asleep immediately. Then I woke up, and I was like, whoa. I tweeted it out. I fell asleep immediately. Then I woke up and I was like, whoa. I was like, no, you didn't. I had to turn off notifications. You were up tracking every single one. For the worst is the people are like, I got nothing to promote. Yeah.

I fired off the tweet and went right to sleep. No one ever does that. Ever. It's nine in the morning. It's a psychopath move. I'm just going to sleep. All right, Brand no, no one ever does that. Ever. It's nine in the morning. That's a psychopath move to like, I'm just going to sleep. All right,

Brandon, ready to go? All right. Brandon's about to tweet it. All right. I want to see it. I want to see it. No,

no, no, no, no. Do the one we said. I know. Do the one we said, Brandon.

Do the one we said. No, no, no, no. No, we need to add the... Caleb absolutely crushing. Add it.

Damn, Caleb, you sound good. Add the emoji, dude. Caleb, I thought you'd get a little bit more dry as the show progressed. You've gotten wetter. Read it out loud. Read it out loud. Can't believe Dave hired a random dude from Mississippi. I don't know what he was thinking.

Is there an ellipses before I don't know what he was thinking? Say so, two O's. Dave's just going to hire any random Mississippi dude who's on an internet stream? Yeah. All right, hold on. See, it's nice. Go live. Go live.

Go live. Go live, KB. Go live. All lowercase, no punctuation. Stop talking. Go live. Go live, KB. Go live now, KB. All lowercase, no punctuation. Stop talking. Go live. No apostrophes. We have two minutes.

KB, go live. Go live. I don't know. Nick, tell them how to go live. On guy. Add another O. Add another O. I don't know how to go live.

Roll eyes emoji. I don't know either. Go live. You guys think two or three O's? I don't know how. Two O's. Two O's? Go to Periscope. Three is out. Terrence is in. It looks like Sue. You got's? I don't know. Two O's. Two O's? Go to Periscope.

Three is out. Terrence is in. It looks like Sue. You gotta go to Periscope. Three O's. It looks like Sue. It looks like Periscope. No all lowercase, no punctuation.

Go to Periscope. I don't have the app. Download it! This is fucked. You spelled Mississippi wrong. This is a worst case scenario. Oh my God. Oh God, this is terrible.

Brandon, three question marks. Roll eyes emoji. Is the app downloading? Please God, tell me. Roll eyes emoji. Don't you dare do a black face emoji. It's defaulted to the darker skinned man. Is that Black Santa?

Yes, you do. Yes, you do. Yes, you do. That one. That's it? Yep. Oh, four. Nick just went with four. Four, Nicky.

Wow. I didn't know you activated. Say it out loud. Say it out loud. Go live. Quick. I got so with three O's, Dave's just going to hire a random dude from Mississippi he saw on an internet stream?

No. Every. Every. On every internet stream? No. What? So Dave's just going to hire every random dude from Mississippi, right? Okay.

I think any. How do we go live? Any? Any random. Any or every? Any. Read it back to us, please. So Dave's just.

So with three O's, Dave's just going to hire any random dude from Mississippi he saw on an internet stream for eye roll emojis. Yeah. All right. Should we do it? I'll let you press the button. Let's go to the stratosphere, boys. Buckle up.

Here we go. To the moon. I want an immediate retweet. It's live. It's live. It's out. It's out. It's out.

It's out. All right. What are you guys going to say? I found this emoji that has a cartoon woman with a smoking gun that says, delete this. Oh, that's a good one. God damn it. So I replied with that.

What are you guys going to say? Should have stayed in the drafts, chief. Oh, chief. Yeah. What else? what do you got Nick the best time to tweet this was never I need one I need one throw me one fuck I don't know the best time to

delete it this was three seconds ago so this sucks okay I'll do that one I'll do that one I'm doing that so this sucks someone give, I'll do that one. I'll do that one. I'm doing that. Unfollowed. Someone give him an unfollowed. So this sucks. Hit him with an unfollowed. I'll unmute him.

Wait, I already have it muted too. I'd see everyone tomorrow. Speaking of bullies. Doug. Roger. Stop it, Roger. I'm tired. Doug Roger stop it Roger I'm tired what made you get on this funny ass kick

someone said my fuck FM cadence sounds like Roger Klotz and so you actually started watching the show yeah what are you watching it's on YouTube

and you just watch it well I just saw the first episode Doug bags a nematode is it you know just saw the first episode, Doug Bags and Nematode. Is it, you know how like the first episode of The Simpsons, it's like kind of different than what it turns into? Did they hit the ground running or did they have to build up with like the first episodes? No, you're saying, Steven, that the first episodes were trashy? Yeah, I mean, it gets a lot better.

The animation gets cleaner. Yeah. Is that true is he lying or i have to i'm only on episode one i mean you've seen the series before right like seven years old okay goes through several transitions nice they're all good though you're a true expert i've watched a lot of doug yeah was it your go-to go like coming home show latchkey show no it was like a one it was on one saturday morning oh true true true every saturday morning never even a rerun i mean yeah i've seen

the reruns but yeah not after school it was on like i think at 5 30 at night i was watching pepper and after school oh that was that's an awesome theme song how did it go again she's too cool for seventh grade she's one one in a million. Remember that? She's seventh grade. She was the redhead. Yeah, I remember that. She was a ginger broad. It's funny because you think Pepper sounds like a redheaded thing, but Pepper is not a...

Pepper Ann, she sounded like Doug too, right? Yeah. It was the same woman. Was it? Yeah, the same woman played her as well. You can tell the whole Doug is just one person doing them all. It's like Stephen Chay's video. It's just the one person goes throughout the entire gamut of characters.

We got another ad in this bitch. I remember I would watch Pepper Ann before school. In the morning? While I was eating breakfast. Really? Yeah. And breakfast, I mean, I don't know if it's the pepperon or the breakfast, but that made cereal like my favorite part of the day. I've been obsessed with cereal ever since.

I found out recently that... Why... What? Hmm? Why cereal? What is in your mouth? I don't know. Do you have a bunch of spit in your mouth right now?

I'm trying to do Mr. Dink. And so you pool spit in your mouth to do that? That's how pull trying to say no i think you're thinking of coach spits who's that i think the gym teacher i think your mouth is actually watering after i've been talking about cereal and i don't i don't blame you i've been trying to cut down on my carbs sugar unhealthy food and i realized i basically can't eat anything anymore uh kyle what's your breakfast routine caleb what's yours don't do it yeah yeah you skip it and i don't anymore because i have magic spoon oh really yeah zero sugar 11 grams of protein and only three net grams of carbs in each serving i'm back in four flavors two boys cocoa fruity frosted and blueberry cocoa puff blueberry how did you know that? I'm a Magic Spoon customer.

It tastes amazing. Blueberry. It tastes amazing and it's almost too good to be true. But it is true. Damn. It's keto-friendly, gluten-free, grain-free, soy-free, low-carb, and GMO-free. The only thing it isn't free is its price, but it's still a pretty good price. Isn't that right, Steve?

Yes. You can go to magicspoon.com slash yak, grab a variety pack and try it today. Be sure to use our promo code yak, that's spelled, Caleb? Y? A-K. At checkout to get free shipping. And Magic Spoon is so confident in their product,

it's backed with 100% happiness guarantee. So if you don't like it for any reason, they'll refund your money, no questions asked. That's magicspoon.com slash yak and use the code yak for free shipping we thank magic spoon for sponsoring the podcast my dogs what kind of milk do you like with your cereals bro i'm about to blow your mind what are you cashew i knew you would say that that's so fucking whole milk impossible. I was thinking whole as well. Y'all about to get obese on our ass.

Shit, now I don't want to say mine. It's a very vanilla silk. Oh, wow. You're not going to get obese. You always have me come over and help you open up the lid. You can't get that cap twisted off. It's hard. You got to press it.

It's a tall milk. You got to thumb it. It's hard to get that cap twisted off. Yeah, it's, well. It's hard. You gotta press it. It's a tall milk. You gotta thumb it. It's hard to get to the top of. And you're a, chocolate. Chocolate. Chocolate. That sounds good. In your cereal?

2% chocolate. In your cereal? Hmm? In your cereal? Hmm. Yeah. Would he lie about that kind of stuff? Nah, he wouldn't.

I shouldn't be pressing him. Oh, he'd press. Holy shit. Oh, he'd press. Holy shit. On God. I'm trying to find the perfect tweet that I can answer O-N-G to. Not even writing out on God, but just O-N-G. Have you seen people do that on Twitter? KB, you're a Twitter ass dude.

Have you seen people just O-N-G? I've never seen. If I did, I didn't take it as on god on what so what what is it i don't know i it's probably what you said am i misinterpreting on i've never seen on twitter ass dude like you should know a tad it's a little tad on i just looked it up bob bob ong oh it's just a ton of tweets from Bob Ong. Fat guy. And it's this twerking video,

but this person has legs. Is that a... That's a man. It's just your algorithm acting up. My algorithm is malfunctioning. You guys wouldn't believe it. Somebody hacked into my algorithm.

I love Twitter, bro. Best social media easy. Ong. Someone said O-ong. O-O-N-G. O-N-G, I'm pretty sure, is just on God. Yeah. And I'd like to use it in my future. Yeah.

You know what else I'd like to use in the future is breakfast. And boy, did we have a fucking breakfast ass episode. In fact, Nick still has some of his breakfast in front of him. Usually we're lunchmen. Usually we're lunchmen. And I got a late night text from Roan saying, how can we take lunch and turn it on its fucking head?

Yeah. And at first, everyone was confused. No one knew what to do, what to say, because it's like, lunch is lunch. Lunch already is what it is is it's a hard thing to turn on its head and i think we did a world's first yeah had a yeah breakfast for lunch huh yeah kb you were playing into that i know you were still looking at mine yeah what did you what did you wind up getting, KB? I'll let them see. And we also we also had a special guest on the show, a guy named Rico Bosco. And Rico was able to relay a story.

And Caleb, you would have loved this about his hometown and the guy who died. But there was a parable at the end. There was a it was a fable that had a very pointed tip to it. Pointed. It was pointed indeed. And I would tell it. I'd recall it myself. But I'd rather just let Rico say it.

This is from a familiar face. Voice. Alejandro. The armless painter. He's armless? I'm assuming so. Based on the one he did for Brandon. And I don't want to give him any,

I don't want to act like he's like a savant with his mouth either. So he does his feet. He's not, I don't know. Did you ever hear about the armless bell ringer? No. He's a guy in my neighborhood. He's down on his luck, okay? He's got a family to feed actually true very true

he's very down on his luck there's an ad in the local church that they need somebody to ring the church bell he's got no arms he's down on his luck he goes he said maybe the priest will see some some light and help me out shows up he goes sorry i'd love to help you but you have no arms like you possibly can't ring the bell no no father let me do it let me do it okay takes him up to the top backs up runs face first into the bell out he wakes up bloody he's like no it's a fuck god no i'll get you some money we'll get you another job no no no no. No, no. Father used to need a job. The mother was a doctor. Yeah. Does it the second time. Backs up.

Bang. Into the bell. The bell rings. He goes down the stairs, out into the street, bloody dead. Crowd gathers. He's down on his luck. He doesn't have his wallet. Nobody knows.

But he's dead. Yeah, he's dead. Really? But they can't identify him. So people are asking, who is this guy? Dental records? What? No. A crowd gathers. A crowd gathers, and the cops start asking questions.

Does anyone know this man? And the priest says, no. But his face rings a bell. Colby? Colby clipped that. Colby? Colby? His face rings a bell. He died. His face did ring a bell. His face rings

and then he died. His face did ring a bell. His face did ring a bell. That's so good, dude. Your neighborhood. My neighborhood. Wait, so he was... What happened to his family?

He was down on his luck. They took collections when they put the baskets around and they gave it to the family. Is that enough? No. It could use some. It never is. It won't bring them back.

It could use some yak residuals if you're throwing them around. How many kids does he have? Four. Shit. How old are they now? What? How old are they now? 13, 11, 6, and 4.

Oh, this happened recently. Yeah. Within four years. Look it up in the paper. Which paper? Staten Island Advance. All right, I'll look it up. Okay.

I'll make sure this is true. Trying to feed a family single-handedly. I don't believe you. No, that's... Oh, no hands. Why was Jim Abbott's no-hitter a team effort? Because he did it single-handedly. Because nobody can throw a no-hitter single-handedly.

That's right. Caleb, we could have used a guy like you during this lunch show. So much so that we had to switch around all of our roles, and we had to take on other people's roles. Rico Bosco became Brandon Walker. I played the role of Big Cat. KB, after a lot of waffling, trading, and I think a $20 switcheroo, you played me. I did.

It's the only way I can remember. I know what you got at home. Get played. And finally, Nick, who was your ass? I was Caleb. I was Caleb's ass. And you played Caleb. So you just weren't on the show?

Nah, I played it cool as hell. Big Cat played you. Yeah, I ended up with Fruit Cup. Let's go. Wait, nobody played me. I you just weren't on the show? Nah, I played it cool as hell. I think I played you. Yeah, I ended up with Fruit Cup. Let's go. Wait, nobody played me. I went undrafted. No one played you? Shit.

Steven, you're going to have to be Nick. We guys already did the draft. Nah, that's good. Yeah, that was good. That is what Nick did. Nah, you're left out just like me. You're playing the role perfectly. Yeah, that was perfect.

But we got to have lunch. And you know that the yak is at its best when we are talking about the second meal of the day, lunch. And, I mean, just sit back, relax, crack a cold Ensure, and enjoy yourself. Phenomenal. Speaking of which, I'm taking that, but that's my cereal milk. Ensure? Man, you're about to weigh 500 pounds. Those ones in the cans are even better, those aluminum cans.

Have you had a Nutriment? What the fuck? Go get yourself a banana Nutriment. That is good. I'm not trying to taste banana. What is a Nutriment? It comes in a can. It's got all your daily vitamins.

I'm going to go get us a round of Nutrimint. A soup can? Yeah. Because Ensure is in a soup can, not in a can that was ever designed to be opened. I want to swing by a bodega, get you guys all a Nutrimint. I didn't even know they sold them at bodegas. Bodega, bodega. This is our lunch episode, also our breakfast episode.

Listen the fuck to this. Lunchman's Creed Part 4. Renewed Faith. For I know the lunchman is real. No fake fraud or hunch. He doesn't judge, hate, or lie. He just blesses us with lunch. He doesn't judge, hate, or lie. He just blesses us with lunch.

And I do swear on my lowly life and on yours that I will eat what he brings me when he walks through those doors. He will never deceive me, no ruse, prank, or trick. And I will use my utensil, fork, hands, or chopstick.

I will complete my meal, whether it's pork soup or grains, and praise the lunchman as long as there's life in my veins. Okay. Fuck yes. There's the lunchman's cream. Put some fucking lunch in our veins okay before you go Roan

let's just review what we got here let's say the creed no let's review and then we'll say the creed okay alright what do you got say it say what's got what's here so we have there's a Belgian waffle chocolate chip pancakes

slow down slow down let's have, there's a Belgian waffle, chocolate chip pancakes. Slow down, slow down, slow down. Let's put, let's put, so there's Nick's and KB. Do you guys do this in conjunction? Yeah. With what? Nick and KB's value. I didn't value these. Okay.

I agree with that. I agree with that. See, that's what I wanted to do right now. I wanted to go through it and just decide whether we agree or disagree. The toppings are Owen's value. Owen's value. Okay, so entree, Belgian waffle, $800. Do we agree?

I don't. Really? It's the most versatile. It could handle the most toppings. Yeah, no, it's the right pick. But if you see value where someone else, I don't think you should argue with the value. You should just be like, something else lower than that is a good value pick for me. No, but I want to suss it out.

I want to suss it out. I'm not sussing out. Oh, wow. I was trying to play it close to the chest. I don't want to say what my values are, but I will. I mean, we could suss it out, though. We could suss out all of Rico's values. Can we get a Che mock draft?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Let's go. Well, we should see if Caleb is cool with it first. That's good. Good call. Let's get it. Yeah, yeah.

We have to run it by Caleb. I'll text Caleb. Let's get a Che mock draft should see if Caleb is cool with it first. That's good. Good call. Let's get it. Oh, yeah, yeah. We have to run it by Caleb. I'll text Caleb. Let's get a Che mock draft. Yeah, Caleb is cool with it. After Caleb says, okay, all right. Senior draft analyst Caleb says the junior draft analyst Che can do a mock draft. All right. Che mock draft.

All right. First pick. Chocolate chip pancake. Wait, wait, wait. You got to. It's obviously who picks matters so you gotta say their name right

you have to draft for what the person like if the chiefs have the first overall trades i'd like to not take a quote about right right so you gotta consider the roster mm-hmm maybe they are and they just have all right so who's got the first pick what's the draft order i do roan roan who's playing the part of me?

Big Cat. Remember, he's from Philly. That's confusing. This is a nightmare. Nightmare? Who's got the second pick? Rico playing the part of Brandon. And you have the third pick?

Playing the part of Caleb. No, wait, you're KB. Am I? Yes. Oh, you traded? I'm KB. You swapped? I'm KB.

Yeah, I'm KB. I'm KB. No, wait, you just blinked. Shit. All right, so I thought I had Caleb. No, I got Caleb because you took KB. And then Yankee swapped back into KB. Tale as old as time.

Got it. KB, if I get a full script of Doug, would we do a table read one day? Yes. I would love to. You taking Patty? We could get Yardley Smith in here. Dude, I would love to. All right, so Nick's four and then KB's five playing the part of Roan.

Okay. And then six, obviously it's a snake, so KB would also be six. But not KB, Big Cat KB. Yeah, KB Roan. Okay. And then six obviously it's a snake so KB would also be six. But not KB, Big Cat KB. Yeah, KB Roan. KB Roan. Yeah, and he will behave like a snake. The type of person to throw a cactus. This is multiple times this week that you've called me a snake.

We need to get to the bottom of this. You threw a cactus to me. You did? Underhand. And this was like four months ago. That's a mic drop. That was four months ago. There's nothing snake about that. Very funny thing to do.

That's direct. That's face to face. I threw a cactus to him. Oh, man. He said, never caught a cactus? He caught it. You ever do the smell the cake thing in family parties? See, I wouldn't do that.

What is the... Oh, oh. This case. I'd imagine your family just falls for it every single time. My uncle, My uncle Tone Yeah he And then I started Doing a college graduation party

And I felt like The smartest human in the world Creamy face Tone Cause it ruins it For everybody Cream pie Tone What you don't like Fucking cream

No this cream Smells different No it smells weird You get one You make fun of me I'm the one Who got the book I got this

But then what about the cake? You guys have never had a cake. You need a backup cake. Not a whole cake. You do a piece when you cut a piece. Patty, you got to take a whiff of this cake. For round two of this draft, do you have to draft the utensil? You can draft the utensil.

No, you can draft the utensil round one. Okay. Read us the mark, Steven, as it lies. All right. Wait, wait. Before you do that, let's do the Lunchman's Creed again. Let's do a speed round of Lunchman's Creed. Okay.

All right. What is that? Who's that? This is Rico's package. We've got a package? Good look, Spider. Spider's always looking out. What do you think it is? Some organ gear? No, that was the one from last week.

Oh, fuck. All right. You got salad? Nick, you start us off. Speed round? Speed round. Speed round. Rone, I'm not sure if you're good with speaking fast,

so you might want to sit this one out. Yeah. All right. You got me, Rico? Yeah. Go, Rico. Lunchman's Creed Part 4. Renewed faith. you're the rabbit here

we're following you for I know the lunchman is real no fake for a lunch he doesn't judge hate or lie he just blesses us with lunch and I do swear

on my lowly life and on yours that I will eat what he brings me when he walks into the lunch. And I will never deceive him. And I will use my utensil for cans or a shopstick. I will complete my meal, whether it's pork or burger or grains. And I praise the lunch, man. As long as there's life. As long as there's life. In my veins.

I wouldn't have been able to keep up with that. Motherfucker. That was stressful. That was straight up stressful. I hated that. He threw me off my game before this fucking draft. I might take oatmeal first round. You got to shock your system.

That was nuts. If you run a mile every day, that's all your body knows. That felt like jumping a hill. Chase a dog. Chase a dog. Chase a dog, throw a rock. Make a frog. Eat some fish.

Kick a tire tire Throw a bike Can you do any of the sounds Skeeter does? There's always a background Who just says Yeah Like a beatbox I'm ready to draft You're on the clock

We ready to draft? Yeah Colby, hit my motherfucking music. Probably read the Creed one more time. I don't know. I'm afraid the Creed will be negated. How many times have we read it? Three, which is perfect. If we read it one more time, we can. Three is a pure

number. It is. Thank you, Owen. Okay. With the first overall pick. Completely. It's Lunchman the screen part four. You are right. Are you just mad that there isn't water for every choice here? There's just so much water.

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Again, make sure you sign up today at SupremeGolf.com slash Barstool. All right. Colby. Hey, can youool. All right. Colby. Hey, can you close that? Owen. Owen, close that door, motherfucker. Jesus.

Anyway, back to fingering the seat to try and get a little gobbler out. The only time I'm sliding my finger in a crevice is between some fucking thighs. The vagina crevice is between some fucking thighs. The vagina crevice. Vagina. Okay, Nick or Steven, what do we have next? Dear Clint, I've been using my brother's teaching credential for the previous nine years. Oh, shit. Damn.

Nobody seems to care. That's actually good. Oh, my God. That's it? That's pretty genius, dude. Congrats. You're defrauding the system. Dear Clint, I can't seem to reload.

I'm lucky to shoot off once a week yikes dude any advice on how i can reload like steve and be ready to come on a day's notice more inshore drink a bunch of inshore and it'll give you the fattest wads you know what we're gonna tweet out from the yak account ste Steve's recipe for the best tasting cum and what he eats on a day's basis. His shit's going to be thick and tasty. Get yourself some whole milk, brother. Stevie's the whole ass pineapple

with the shell and the grass coming out of it. You'll see the spines add that tang. Don't call it a prick for nothing. Finally, yeah, that's good. That's about enough. And the guy who's defrauding the teaching system, it seemed like you guys were encouraging it, but I think that he's actually poisoning the minds of our youth. So I'm actually against that one.

Nine years? Yeah. Those kids are grown now. Yeah. I mean, they're at least out of whatever school he was teaching them. Those kids could be 12. Those kids are grown now. They're at least out of whatever school he was teaching them. Those kids could be 12. Those kids are voting. They're 12-year-old voters.

Want to feel old? The kids that you defrauded are committing voter fraud themselves right now. I'm just finding out. My teacher for that one year was unaccredited. I believe some of that shit. like my teacher for that one year not accredited he was unaccredited

I'm gonna have to go back to fourth grade I'm gonna have to re-read Howard Zinn I didn't read Howard Zinn in fourth grade so this has been the Halloween episode of the of the Yak

KB I hate to end on dwindling energy so maybe This has been the Halloween episode of the Yak. KB, I hate to end on dwindling energy, so maybe you have some strong energy for us. Okay, now that you've come, maybe you can give us some strong energy. That was it? No, no. I want to hear some come that'll make the speakers. They're going to be hearing this on mischief night.

So maybe they're going to be on some goofy shit. Frank, call up your unaccredited teacher and just play some cum sounds for them. That's a good start. Give them a soundtrack to go out and TP to. That's not mischievous enough for me. Yeah. This is the monster mash of cumming.