The Yak - Chaos Ensues Over Technical Difficulties | The Yak 11-29-22

Episode Date: November 29, 2022

People will finally understand how you guys listen to the showYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. All right. We've had the music fade, but we haven't had the camera fade yet. I don't know what's happening. So this is off to a swimming start. We're all here. Oh, they can hear us? They can't see us? Is that what we think? Yeah, I don't know what's happening. So this is off to a swimming start. We're all here. So they can hear us? They can't see us?

Is that what we think? Yeah, I don't know. I don't know if my computer is frozen. Okay, good stuff. I'm going to talk as if they can hear us and we're going out. I don't know if that's the case. It definitely is. This is the act that the bitches demanded.

It is Brandon Walker and Stephen Che. but this definitely is this is the yak that the bitches demanded it is brandon walker and steven shea just two two pals two pimping ass dudes just chilling doing the yak here is your rundown big cat in the building out sick because he is he doesn't have a voice so he's at his desk watching enjoying that's what he's doing. Lil Sass texted that he's going to be late. Kate texted that she's going to be late. Kate's doing the rundown. She's doing the rundown.

So Sass should be walking in shortly. Roan, I guess, is on vacation. And then the boys, the Anus boys, are in Boston for the Dozen Trivia, which I have beef with Jeff D. Lowe about. Do you wish you were there? Do I wish I was there? Yeah. A year ago, I texted Jeff and I said, you can use me for any show you want.

I will do everything. I'll help you with the Dozen. Just promise me that when the Boston show comes up, I would like to be in that because I've never been to Boston, and my wife really wants to go there, and I want to visit. I want to take a couple days. And he said, yeah, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. And then last week, or when they announced it,

and it was the absolute powerhouse team of RDT, Dante, and Kiggs. I was like, what in the fuck are you doing? So I got mad at him. Are we going out right now? Sure are. People can hear us. Can they see us? They see what you see. They see what I see. I drew that. That's the only thing I can draw in Sure are. People can hear us. Can they see us? They see what you see.

They see what I see. I drew that. That's the only thing I can draw in my life. I could change this, but I can't get rid of it. So that's now Scorpion. Okay. There you go. Scorpion Radio.

Scorpion. Hey, can you do a little Steve Clit? Steve Clit. Actually, during the telethon last night, someone asked me to do Steve Clitt. They were like, before I get off the phone, can you just give me a real quick Steve Clitt? You did it? Of course. Do one more Steve Clitt.

Steve Clitt. Steve Clitt in the morning. Yeah. How did you like answering phones last night? I thought it was honestly delightful. I love answering the phones. I don't know why that telethon is so fun. I actually had one time, the first call I took was a girl I got last year on the telethon, which was crazy.

Yeah. And she asked me last year on the telethon, hey, will you please send me, I was doing a thing where I was sending out cameos. And she said, can you send me a cameo but have Tommy Walker do it? So Tommy Walker sent her a cameo last year. And now this year I'm going to send her another, Tommy Walker said can you send me a cameo but have tommy walker do it so tommy walker sent her a cameo last year and now this year i'm going to send her another tommy walker's going to do her another cameo why have you not set up tommy walker and cameo officially jesus christ that would be fuck well that'll be done by the afternoon yeah can a 12 year old have his own cameo is that is that legal yeah yeah yeah i think you probably have to sign up for it but like and you can also screen the requests but theirs is no money i will

absolutely pimp my son out for profit oh i'm gonna send you a link so i got five percent referral um you still on it i was on it i stopped doing it though because i was you know when i you know when i got the money yeah once, once the heat came. Right. Once things changed for me, I was like, maybe I don't have to do it. There was heat about it initially. Yeah, there was a lot of heat. I was one of the first to do it. And then there was a wave.

It was like the OnlyFans wave, except it wasn't as many titties. But the Cameo wave was substantial. Yeah, I got in on that. I think Dana got some heat off of that. Yeah. And the beers. Well, his was tough because everyone was just like, hey, drink a beer. He had to get drunk on camera every single day.

That's our Scorpion logo, if you can see it. It's just me and Stephen Chase in the studio chilling right now. This is potentially a bad look, but I thought that Scorpion was with a K. And I believe I confirmed that with the group. I think Scorpion, the Scorpion on the T-shirts is with a k and i believe i confirmed that with the group i think scorpion the scorpion on t-shirts is with a k right yeah we had it changed to that but that's i confirm with the group that it was with a k so i'm pretty sure or maybe we have to update that tj went into business for himself and no this is not a tj thing no no no no no um anyway we sold

a lot of merch last night really fun the company or the show both so we sold out of those yet coins in and there were a thousand there were one minute after the episode ended really that's that's pretty good kiss coins we're gonna be given so many kisses yeah i don't really remember agreeing to that but if that's what we need to do i thought we all agreed to that the first one. But this is a new one. I thought we agreed to kiss coins in perpetuity. I don't think there was ever a rule that said, oh, it's just going to be this kiss coin. Oh, I thought that that was. I think every coin should have its own function, like a kiss.

Maybe one just gets a hug. Because there's 1,000 of these. There's only 500 of the kisses. Maybe this should have been a firm pat on the rear. That's not bad. Who doesn't like that? A good pat on the rear. That's not bad. Who doesn't like that? A good pat on the rear? You gave me a hearty spank last week.

How about a spank on the ass? Yeah. Well, that's what a hearty pat on the rear is. I don't know that we can make this executive decision. Big Cat will have to sign off on this. Big Cat, we kind of want this coin to be just a pat on the ass. We already sold it as a KISS coin, and it sold out. So I feel like we have to honor that, which is fair which is next coin could be the ass coin yeah we could do uh

something special for each this is good yeah this is fun we're back to our podcasting we're back to our serious days yes what is your so do a real quick sound effect what is your uh so it kind of it kind of blows my mind. We've been doing this show or the show has been in existence for five years. You've been on it for probably close to four years. Three. Okay. Um, what is your, what is your, the law?

I don't want to call them the lost tapes because I feel like they exist somewhere. But what is your favorite memory from the serious days? Ah, God damn it i i mean listen i i know it's it's basic bitch but the fucking the first time i did the vibes and i nailed it it's an intoxicating feeling yes it was a you know i got like approval from the guys because my first two vibes were return to the mac and uh and blind It was the first time I played No Rain. Oh, wow. And it hit. So, Sass, hello. We've now been joined by Little Sasquatch.

We're not actually going out on video. It's just our voices. We're on radio right now. I don't know. That's what people can see, but they can hear us apparently. It's a live podcast. They're working on it. Oh, okay.

Sass is pissed. No, I don't give a fuck. I would actually prefer that. That sounds awesome. We're on radio right now. Hell yeah. They can't see fuck. I would actually prefer that. That sounds awesome. We're on radio right now. Hell yeah. They can't see you. They can't see us.

It's just me, Stephen Che, and Sass. How are you doing, Sass? I'm good. Did you just wake up? No. You just hit a Red Bull. Yeah. Okay.

It's like 1 o'clock. How did you just... Why are you getting here now if you didn't just wake up? I didn't just wake up. I didn't just wake up. I was awake. I didn't leave my apartment until I came here. Gotcha. So I didn't have time to pick up my bowl.

How are things at your apartment? Things are good, I think. Hello, Kate. What? You can do that, but it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. We're not on camera. There's no cameras today, apparently.

Look, that's how we're going out. They can hear us, but they can't see us. So it's Jack Radio. Oh, my God. The day that I wear a G-string bikini. Yes. With my full pussy out and my nipples. Oh, my God.

Wow. Lucky, I guess. I'm actually wearing USA Soccer stuff. You are. That's the joke. Your shirt says lifelong soccer fan. Boy, do I love me some. Name three soccer players.

Who's the U.S. playing? Iran. Iran. Oh, well, I was going to say bring up the standings, but I guess he can't bring up the standings because we're not going out. But you had a good day yesterday with three goals from somebody. Serbia? Serbia had three goals. I just got

three goals this morning from Ecuador and Senegal. I feel like I'm probably in good shape. Well, you're not. I'm in the World Cup thing. Not in my life. Although I have started working out tomorrow. I gotta start working out too.

I want to do a series where i get fucking ripped everybody wants to do a series and then i know and then i think every person at barstool has tried to do a series where they get ripped or get in shape and then it just doesn't work out you just have to do riff and rody when i lived in queens i paid uh i always pay up front i always pay in full for shit or some reason it's really dumb like the i paid like a grand for those braces i didn't do and i paid it's not like I have the money to do it or whatever. But I paid a personal trainer.

I've never had one before. I fucking hate the gym. So I paid a personal trainer in my neighborhood a grand up front to help me get into shape. I went to two of the classes. I couldn't lift my arms to shampoo my hair afterwards. And I was like, I fucking hate this. And then I ghosted her. She kept texting me and being like, hey, you paid me. Are you going to come in? And I just never. I avoided hate this. And then I ghosted her. She kept texting me and being like, hey, you paid me.

Are you going to come in? And I just never. I avoided that block. I gave her a fucking grand and then just disappeared and was like, I can't face it. You gave her the money and ghosted her. And ghosted her. And then I never asked for it. I was too much of a pussy to ask for it back.

She was like trying to find it. You had no right to give it back, Kate. I doubt you would get it back. Yeah. Maybe I did like five classes of the 20 and just never talked to her again. Yeah, I've thought about getting a personal trainer. I just like you have to go to the gym with them. Yep.

I've had a personal trainer twice. I had a personal trainer last year before I went to Omaha and everything. And it's the best way to do it because they'll just call you a fat piece of shit and make you. Yeah. That's what they do? Yeah, pretty much, yeah. Well, I said to her, I was like. Watch the yak.

Steven, do you remember when he. When let me eat a hot dog. When he was watching the yak, texting Brandon that he's not allowed to eat the hot dog. Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Yeah, I hated that. I just like the idea of you giving somebody $1,000 and then you ghosting them. Disappearing on them. Yeah, like, oh, I don't want to get caught by this person I gave $1,000 to. That's the cheaper invisible braces that cut my mouth so bad I was bleeding. And I was like, well, I don't want toing them. Disappearing on them. Yeah, like, oh, I don't want to get caught by this person I gave $1,000 to.

That's the cheaper invisible braces that cut my mouth so bad I was bleeding. And I was like, well, I don't want to bother them. So I just quietly put them in my closet. Yeah, anything with your teeth always hurts a lot. You don't come out of that without extreme pain. Yeah. There was a guy, Clint Capella, missed the game, basketball player, missed the game for dental pain on the injury a couple days ago.

Really? Yeah. Well, you got it bad, though. It fucking sucks. Yeah. Clint Capella missed the game. Basketball player missed the game for dental pain on the injury a couple days ago. You got it bad though. It fucking sucks. Do you think? Pain in the mouth is like the worst pain. It's one of those pains you can't sleep through. Constantly irritating. I would say neck. Have you ever had neck pain? Not bad. I've had like

sore necks. He hasn't had bad neck pain. He's not saying neck pain isn't bad, Steven. He got offended. I know. I was just telling Eddie last night this story. I went over after the... Telethon. Telethon. I said to myself, I had an hour until the train.

I never... I used to love going to a bar by myself and writing. I'd try and write jokes and whatever. Just sit in the dark corner of the bar, sip on a Guinness or whatever, and write. And so I was like, you know what? It's an hour until the train. I'm going to go over and have a beer for myself before I left. So I go over and

Eddie ends up going over there too. So I forget how we got on the topic of teeth, but I was telling him about when I first did the Chaps and Kate show, it was 10 to midnight. And afterwards, one Friday night, a bunch of my old rugby friends had gotten a house in the Poconos, like a bunch of the alumni. They were like, Kate know come join us or whatever so as soon as I got done at midnight I hopped in the car and I went out there and part of me was like I should just wait till tomorrow because by the time I get there they're all going to be fucking trashed and it's the worst when you show up at a party and everyone's like on a way different level than you but I get there and everyone is completely like out of their minds fucked up and

within the first five minutes i still crack open a beer i'm like at least i'll have one before i go to bed or whatever i crack open a beer and i hear this thump in the next room and one of my rugby girlfriends who had just gotten a teaching job had tripped she's drunk tripped fallen hit the edge of like a bedside table with her front two teeth. You could see the teeth marks in it. I run in there. She's face down on the ground with vomit and blood everywhere. I'm like, oh, my God, she's dead.

She's dead. I flip her over. She starts to crash. She's like, ah, and her two front teeth are missing. I'm like, oh, my God, where are her teeth? No one can find her teeth. Are they in the vomit? We take a spaghetti strainer, and we are pushing the vomit and the blood into the spaghetti strainer to find her teeth. Oh, God.

Jesus, Kate. It was like something you should just leave that to her and be like, figure this out. Yeah, figure this out. They take her in the bathroom. She has forgotten. She doesn't realize that her teeth are gone. And so they're rinsing her off in the bathroom. And when I hear her see herself in the mirror she's like she's like freaking out even

more we still can't find the teeth finally it turns out they had jammed back into her mouth in her mouth both of her teeth had gone into the back long story short i had to end up take her to the hospital that was just a tooth story fun little tooth story so this is just us with this is just different hairstyles is this playing on the youtube right now i guess this is what they're seeing and this is as we talk that's yeah so i like that photo of me that is a good photo it's a great photo of me don't look nearly as old there no my hair was when i took care of myself what a treat that was anyway that's my tooth story what are your guys's tooth stories

um i'm just trying to think of something that people have wanted for a while i'm just going What a treat that was. Anyway, that's my tooth story. What are your guys' tooth stories? Well, I'm just trying to think of something that people have wanted for a while. I'm just going to show the camera a picture of my wife because I think it's too late. Are you really? Yeah. It's been too long. So there she is right there. I love that low-cut top on her, too.

Yeah, look at that. I will say, wow, the rumors are true. That's a set of honkers. Yeah, yeah. No, no. Big, big tits. Enormous breasts. Big, fun tits. Love them. Wow. Wow The rumors are true That's a set of honkers Yeah Yeah No No Big Big tits Enormous breasts

Big fun tits Love them Wow Yeah so TJ any update here? Oh Pete's in there This one So we have Pete Stanko

Jason's in there Who's a professional singer I don't know if y'all know that And then TJ is sitting there As Pete works Wait professional singer? Jason's a professional singer. I found that out.

What kind of singer? Like church choir and classical music. Shut up. Okay. But he won't sing. He wouldn't sing on Pick Central. What do you mean he's a classical music singer? I'm telling you that that's what he told me.

Like opera? Yeah, classically trained and stuff like that. Can we get a little taste? I asked him his favorite songs to sing, and he gave me something from the Fantastics. He gave me something from Little Shop of Horrors. He gave me something from even further back. It was something.

So that's Jason. Whoever met Jason. Stanko has a look on his face that makes me think that we are in a lot of trouble. We're fucked. We might not ever have a video show again. Yeah. Well, it's a good throwback. He's got a furrowed brow.

The YouTube run might be done. Might be over. Was Pick Central video? Pick Central was the best. Yeah, Pick Central was fine. Pick Central went out, and of course, nobody watched it, so I don't think they would have told us anyway. It sucks.

I did do my hair. That's a great question. How did that happen? Pick Central worked just fine with the same equipment just a second ago okay they're not talking to us pete can we have some communication from the booth is it this one yeah i don't know what's going on man well what do you what what's the problem is this uh the graphics been stuck on the output what So we can't just restart and it gets fixed? Well, I think so. We just have to stop the stream.

You'd have to get all your loyal viewers to come back to the new stream. I feel like that would be pretty easy. I don't think that's that big of a problem. Okay. I think that's superior to this. I'm having a hard time talking without checking to see what I look like every two seconds. It's difficult to me. I need to know.

This laser pointer isn't working if we're not on camera. You're just doing it for the fun of it. I've always been doing it for the fun of it. I shined it into someone's apartment last night. It felt really bad. They got up. It was horrifying. Were you in your apartment or were you on the street or something?

I was on the street. I shined it into one person's apartment. Nothing. Lights were off. were you in your apartment or were you like on the street I was on the street and I saw someone I shined it into one person's apartment nothing lights were off and I was like

there's probably no one in there and then I saw an apartment like it was like far away and it was like on like the fifth floor

and they had their TV on and I shined it like I could see right where their TV was and I shined it right over the TV and then they instantly turned the TV off

and ran to the window and I felt so bad that sounds like an incredible dick thing to do right over the TV and then they instantly turned the TV off and ran to the window. I felt so bad. That sounds like an incredible dick thing to do. Oh, yeah. Not even that. I think it's more like legally I probably

shouldn't be doing that. It's someone who's been stalked by their ex. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, no. Oh, God. It was hilarious. Have you ever been

that close in combat where you had a laser on you? No, they only had shitty old AKs. They didn't have... Do they even use lasers like that? No. Like a real festival? Oh, yeah, yeah.

No, they do. They do? And two, we had night vision goggles, and so we even had the night vision. They're called PEC-15s. But did I use those? No. If there was a situation where I was using those

we were probably pretty fucked. If my bayonets aren't God you're putting on the tactical gear? Yeah. No. We're going to restart. We're going to restart.

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Five more seconds? That felt like a minute, right? Got there. You mean my huge, tittied wife? Yeah. Fair enough. Touche. My gigantic, crested wife.

How aware is she of... She doesn't consume the show. She doesn't watch the show. She doesn't interact with fans of the show. She has no idea that she is a cult figure. The mystery of her is a cult figure. Although she... She's lovely.

She was on the... You sat with her at the Invitational for a while, right? Yes. She's an absolute delight. I'm so upset by that. I find her to be a terrible person, and I don't enjoy her at all. So I'm glad that she met you and found somebody like-minded. Makes sense, because she's great.

Yeah. Well, you're a bitch. What are we going to talk about for... We're getting out of here right at... Let's go ahead and spin the wheel, because we're getting out of here right at... let's go ahead and spin the wheel because we're getting out of here right at – Can I tell another tooth story? No, I already checked Twitter. People hated that.

They didn't like that. It was very long-winded. It was. I'm sorry. Is the game already on? It comes on at 2 o'clock. I thought it was at – I don't know why I thought it was at 1. No.

When they get to this stage, they bank all the – all the games happen at the same time. So there were two at 10 and there's two at 2, and that will be the going rate going forward. Do you have – let's spin the wheel, and then I need to see the World Cup standings as well. So if we have to do a wheel, let's go ahead and get it out of the way. Did we do a reset yesterday?

No, it was dry. It was dry? But it took the one dry away that was, like, in the cluster. All right, spin that bitch. Ooh. Why did you say ooh? All right, spin that bitch. Why did you say ooh? All right. Dry all day.

Would you guys describe yourselves as patriotic? Even you kids. Yes, you're the most patriotic. You think the woman who went to Afghanistan to fight other people for the country is patriotic? I would assume. Yeah. I don't know.

Maybe you don't like America. I love America. I heard you were Chinese, Kate. Well, people do say i love china and i that's my favorite one but i i fuck with america a little bit you guys i i'm an american yeah i'm an american i'm a big time american i do enjoy it are you more american now that you're less asian i don't know how to answer that i mean i'm all american technically okay i just don't know how to answer that. I mean, I'm all American, technically. Oh, okay. I just didn't know if it was... I didn't know if it was a sliding scale.

I don't find myself wildly patriotic. I'll watch the games, but I'm not like, USA! I don't care. I hope Spain wins. Yeah, I haven't watched a single World Cup game. And I had to start again. Honestly, I don't really have much interest. I tried to watch the first USA game, I think. Who's your team?

Who's like your big horse in this race? England. Oh, you're in good shape. I think I'm in first or second. But there is no first or second. Well, there is. Oh, for this. You can only be first or last.

You can only win if your team wins. I don't want to be last. Oh, wait, you don't get the, you have to. Those don't matter unless you're last. Oh, okay. You can only win if your team wins. Because the flag still stands for freedom. Oh, wait, you don't get the, you have to. The goals don't matter unless you're last. Oh, okay. First doesn't matter. The goals don't matter at all.

You can only. I'm proud to be an American. At least I know I'm free. I'm free. And I won't forget the man who died, who gave that right to me. That song's a big culty, isn't it? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Big time. Yeah. Big time. Yeah. The first time I heard that song, I was at like a fair, and there was like live music, and they were playing it, and I was like, this is a little weird. It is weird. You know how big the cult is that you're presently around?

If when he gets to the part where it says, I gladly stand up, however many people stand up, that's how big the cult is. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yep. Right before the cymbal crash. Yeah. Yeah. When I was in the Marines, we used to play that in the smoke pit.

We would blare it. This is like the hangout spot in the middle of the barracks where we all drink on a Friday and Saturday. And we would be marching. To us, it was like an ironic, like, ha-ha. But we would just be screaming it all night long on repeat. So that's fun. I just wanted to clarify that I do love America. I feel like I got put in question.

I'd like to hear more about this smoke pit. You guys are at war. You guys take Friday and Saturday off? Still got to chill. No, this is back in the States. Oh, okay. We still had a smoke pit overseas, but it was just a circle of burlap sacks that you'd smoke cigarettes on, but you couldn't drink. Okay.

You still hung out and shot the shit. You don't drink when you're overseas? No. You're not supposed to. People find ways. People do. How do they get alcohol? Where do they get it?

Your family members send you packages, and so you get them to hide a bunch of nips inside cheese ball barrel or stuff like that. It's creative ways. Or you befriend the civilians who are flying back and forth. It sounds a lot like prison. A little bit. Yeah, because that's how I used to send my dad weed. Oh, yeah.

In the cheese ball barrel? Well, not cheese balls per se but it was you know socks shoes t-shirts stuff like how did you go about acquiring weed i never sent my dad weed okay i feel like his his friend stanley did though when i put my dad in the old folks home stanley got arrested for bringing my dad weed in the old folks home oh yeah that was recent wasn't it yeah that was that was before he died but man everyone needs a Stanley. Everybody does. That's a good friend. Yeah. That son of a bitch didn't even come to the funeral, but I think he was in jail for selling

weed to my dad. Yeah. He was probably pissed. It was fine. Yeah. I don't know. This is Yakagami, though, isn't it? Yeah.

Big time Yakagami. If you had to smuggle something, how would you do it? Let's picture just a small item. Very small. What am I smuggling? Let's say I'm smuggling one of these bottles of Fireball, one of these little nips. Those are... What?

Can I tell you what I'd do if I was you, Brandon? Tape it to my gooch. Tape it to your gooch. Or for you, the flap under your stomach. Your fupa. So. Just right under there. Going right in here. Yep. Right fupa. So. Just get right under there. Go right in here.

Yep. Go right in here. Right underneath it. Okay. All right. Yeah, no, I feel like I can get it under there. I think you'd get three nips under there. What would you do?

I don't know. Probably transfer. Have you guys ever had to sneak something in somewhere? Like snacks to a movie. I've snuck alcohol into a festival. We poured it into the plastic bags and then put it, I put it in here and here, but the plastic bags had kind of sharp edges to them.

It was in San Francisco. It was a lot of walking. So my legs were like a bloody crotch by the time we got. I think the best move is spandex, and then you just put whatever in the spandex. I come from SEC country, and Southeastern Conference girls are the best in America at smuggling drinks. Oh, in their hair? They'll do a big bun and hide it in their hair, under their bras.

They'll put it everywhere. Everywhere? I don't know. They'll put it everywhere. Those SEC girls are smuggling it everywhere. Have you guys ever heard about when people, like, they'll go to the festival grounds the day before, and they'll, like, bury shit, and then when the festival's happening, they'll... That's just...

You want to drink too much if you're doing that. No. I never understood why people smuggle alcohol into festivals, because it's too expensive at the festival. One, it's so expensive, and two, lines. You're stuck in lines. That's true. And when you're at a festival, and maybe you're dabbling in a couple drugs,

it's like a real buzzkill to have to go do that. So it's nice to have your own. How many festivals have you been to? A couple. Yeah. Different time. I haven't been to a good festival in a while. I haven't done a festival.

I don't know that I've ever done a great festival. So my cousins, I have a really good group of great festival i got so my cousins i have a really good music yeah music festivals um i have a really good group of cousins a ton of us like all around the same age and so it's like people that you know are looking out for you they're all out for each other you're just there to have a good time and it's always like just a very good but if you go to a concert you're you're committing like three to four hours you know you're gonna sit in a little way more than that a festival though it's three days festival is a is a life commitment like you are committed to being there and being in this mix and have you done like the multiple like multiple days like sleeping at the outside lands in san francisco was three days long and by the

third day like up in the morning just like yeah here we go but i think i could do i've done like a like like hank's been to it a few times there's a levitate music festival which is like where i'm from like that area yeah and it's like multiple days but it's like obviously you don't like sleep there but like by the second day i'm like i'm not going to like there's three days and the third day it's like i don't know how people have the tolerance for just like drinking excessively and being out in the sun for like 72 hours yeah it's a lot i don't think i could do it anymore i think yeah yeah how was metallica live but i only asked because they're the one band that i really want to see in person and i just got a notification last night they're coming to the metal lands next year in august i they were and i like metallica like grew up with it but i wasn't a huge fan

i became like a fucking fan after i saw them live it was awesome uh also tunnel laser beams with that show lasers was great at the time but no they were great metallica's you you being a metallica fan i don't know why that surprises me at all you are are surprised i am surprised oh yo i love metallica really yeah i had a cousin growing up who was a huge metallica guy and that was like i'd been into music band to see live to see live i've seen most incredible they really were like red hot chili peppers my favorite band i've seen them a bunch of times saw them saw them live like two months ago, right? Yeah, and then the Decembrists, who are another band I love, but Metallica's right there.

I've never loved a band. What? I feel like it's something I've missed in life. I'm surprised because you're like a things guy. I love Outkast, but I don't love Outkast like go see them live and go follow them around or go do it. Yeah, I've actually never been to like,

I've been to one concert. Who was it? Ciz he's like a boston rapper i saw him when i was in high school that was fun but i've never been like i've never like gone out of my way since then to go see someone that i like what do you listen to like on spotify uh most of them are dead so i used to spend classic music yeah like folk music i spent all my money going to concerts from high school although my dad used to have to take me into philly and like just he would still come in too but i'd be like don't go near me like let me be cool with my whatever but i used to spend all my money incubus was my like favorite band because i had a crush on brandon boyd the lead singer. Still do. Smoke Show, he's on TikTok now.

Oh, my God. I miss going to concerts. I used to really. Some people live for that, going to concerts. Do you have an embarrassing concert? Have I gone to an embarrassing one? Yeah. Oh, I'm sure.

I wish I could go. I wish off the top of my head I had my Rolodex of concerts that I've gone to. Like the Ben Mintz of the ladies here at barstool like and that's an extreme level i don't know how you see the same group like that over and over and over like two nights yeah if it was like my favorite band i would be open to seeing them back-to-back nights because they're not going to do that like he's seen widespread 500 times he went every single night i think he went like five nights in a row can i tell you a cool one was i used to be really into oar in high school and college i still like them a ton obviously and i had a cousin who passed away from cancer when he was he was my age and he was a villanova student

passed away from cancer but he loved oar he took me to my first oar concert and so when he passed me and all my cousins went to see oar and this was like 15 years ago now and uh it was in philly at i forget what pier it was or whatever and we all had these like little armbands with his name on it and i threw it on stage and mark the lead singer picked it up and was like this song's for marty you know marty masick and he plays this song city on down about like you know the afterlife whatever and of course we're all like oh my god blah blah so years later he comes to barstool and i get to tell him that story and he's like oh my god i remember you guys i remember that blah blah and for me that was just because i was such a huge fan

of them that was like fucking awesome i get to tell him that yeah that he remembered and like whatever so i know that's not very yak that wasn't very scorpion that was that was like more kitten i look forward to the next time you take over the show with a story That wasn't very Scorpion. That was like more kitten. I look forward to the next time you take over the show with a story. I know. If you guys could be either a superstar athlete. He's doing the prep sheet live today. Yeah, pretty much.

If you guys could be either a superstar athlete or a total rock star. Rock star. What should you be? You did this on the bracket, didn't you? Oh, man. Kind of. Listen. A little bit like that. The sports person in me wants to say athlete, but superstar athlete, you still have to maintain

a level of performance, whereas a rockstar, I think you can just live off your previous glory so much better than... I'm thinking like a misogynist here for a second. Oh, I'm going superstar. I'm going rockstar 1,000%. Because here's why. I'm sorry group i'm thinking groupies okay i'm picturing myself as a male rock star which the ladies i'm sorry i know there's ladies out there the puss uh sports puss i feel like it's like very it's better no no no no it's very buttoned

up it's very buttoned up it's very missionary buttoned up. It's very missionary. Rockstar Puss is like we're up and down. We're tearing up the hotel room. We're doing a Flying 69. Right. Right. You know what I mean? I feel like that's more fun. I don't know.

But if you have to do a Flying 69 every night, I feel like that would just be a lot of pressure. It's true. I don't know if I have the thighs for that, you know? I just. Gross. Yeah, no, I... Hmm. With sports guys,

you get like four months off a year. Rock stars, you... I mean, you don't have to do it. You can take a year off. I think Kurt Cobain take like a year off

because he wanted to just go shoot heroin. Yeah, but then he killed himself. That was years after. He released his first album, like exploded, and then went on tour and then was like, I'm done for a year.

Yeah, but he released his first album in 91. He died in 94. He didn't have much time in between. He got to live out his dream of laying in bed and shooting heroin for a year. And then killing himself. Yeah. That's what he wanted to do. That was like his goal.

I don't. Not the killing himself part. Me and my cousins, a bunch of my cousins died and we went to his concert and we threw our armbands up there, and Kurt Cobain said, I'm just kidding. It's a really moving moment for me. The rock star thing, I think, is better

because you can release one good album, like really good album, and then people will always be like, that guy was amazing. The best athletes in the world, like LeBron, he is just getting dragged constantly right and he's had 19 years of greatness yeah and no one cares they all they care about is and like tom brady too it's like no one gives a fuck about the super bowls they care about right now the second they retire they're going to be worshipped

forever yeah but it's like i mean like i like, college athletes get more, like, flack online than, like, major musicians do. I would agree with that. Like a shitty album. You really only get flack online if you're a musician, if you say something controversial. Yeah. But even then, like, you can fuck up and, like, again, ladies, I'm sorry, but, like, Blurred Lines is a great song, man. And it gets asses moving a little. Why do you keep apologizing to the ladies?

Because I just, I'm just saying like it's fucked up, but like a good song is a good song. I was thinking about this the other day because I was listening to Blue Cantrell, Hit Em Up Style, a song that I like. I heard that the other day too. Great song.

Great song. Fuck wild. Yeah. But I was thinking about her present day, because that song was 20 years ago. Is she performing that for a couple sad people? I think she probably is. But she has other songs, so she's not just doing one song and it's that. She's playing four or five songs that nobody knows, nobody gives a shit about.

They're all sitting there waiting for Hit Em Up Style. Yeah. But is that a good thing? I'd probably not. No, it's probably miserable. Right, yeah. That's what I would think. When I went to that one music festival,

the one with the big band that everyone there goes to see, they played a new song and everyone just started leaving. They ended the show with a new song and everyone just left. No one wants to hear this shit. Pearl Jam did a, I forget it was like their last years of concerts at a stadium they were getting rid of something in philly and they did one night where they just did deep cuts and they said fans were like like booing like what the fuck is that like oh you talk about like as a comedian after you've been doing the same joke for a while don't

and like that's only for like how many months or years like don't you feel like i hate doing this now like yeah i i got to a point. I'm at a good point right now where I actually like doing my current like long set. But like when I was – I think I was in Atlanta and I had been doing – there was like 20 minutes of jokes that I had been doing for like over a year. And I was like I'm going to kill myself if I ever have to tell these jokes again because I was also just like they aren't funny. And it has to be hard to like make them sound fresh yeah that's the thing it's not to you and it's people like you can like you can do a new joke and it always does better because you can tell that like you're more like into it and like enthusiastic about it you think you're desensitized

to the reaction of the audience when they they're hearing it for the first time you're saying it for the 350th time you just don't see that they're you don't see the reaction the same? Probably that, and I also think you're less energetic about the joke. But then why would you pick Rockstar? Because it's the exact same thing. Like, boot camp trails. But I mean, it depends on how much, you can be a successful Rockstar

and not have to do all that. I think telling jokes probably feels more repetitive than singing a song. I don't know. There's certain songs I've been singing my whole life and I never get sick of them. Yeah, I think they just have more replayability. Hey, you're a crazy bitch, but you fucks up.

Every time you go out, do you add one or you'll go ten shows and then add something? I don't know how that works. Well, it's like you go up in New York and you try new stuff sometimes. And then if that works in New York, I'll go when I headline. I'll go do that joke. So when I'm in New Brunswick, New Jersey this weekend, I have a new joke that I'm going to do.

That's been working very well. Where can people get tickets for that? Do you need TJ to introduce you and record? Yes, I do. Actually, I'm pumped to do that because it's going to be nice that i don't have to like stay in a hotel i'm just going to come back to new york he's a ruckers fan hall of famer you know i know i've heard he's the only hall of famer in here right uh no you're a hall of famer you know what i that's really all i want to accomplish in my life if i accomplish nothing else whether it's money whether it's fame whether it's whatever i just want to be in some hall of fame somewhere

it's all what i think the uh big goal though i think the only hall of fame i'm ever going to be able to make is the wall of plaques in the west point city hall in west point mississippi i want to make that but i don't i don't live there now so i don't know if i'm eligible you probably just go ask and they put you up. What about your high school hall of fame or something? I don't know that my high school, and plus I bleached my hair for my senior picture so you can't even see me. If you walk

through the halls of my high school and looking for me, you won't see me because I bleached my hair. So pale. I showed you that picture once. You tried it out of me bleaching my hair for my senior picture? What did you think about the you and Ben Mintz hair swap I requested? I showed you that picture once. Okay. Didn't I? Probably. You tried it out of me bleaching my hair from my senior picture? Oh. It was.

What did you think about the you and Ben Mintz hair swap I requested that got a ton of different. Oh, that was. I didn't see the hair swap. I saw the face swap. Well, there was a face swap. The face swap was disturbing. Yes. I never saw the hair swap.

TJ, could you pull that one out? The hair swap to me, because Ben Mintz is just my hairstyle from like three or four years ago. I don't think it's going to change. My current hair on him would probably look interesting. I tweeted it Saturday or Thursday. Our hair swap's just Thursday night, and in the replies there are a lot of very good ones. Very interesting.

You look like two completely different people. Really? Huh. Ben Mintz looks swaggy as fuck. He really does. He really does he really does yes yep uh i didn't even see the face the the hair swap uh this is the face that's a disturbing looking yeah okay wait this might be mean to say was the picture was the face in the picture altered like why does it look stretched because my Because I have a much longer face than him. Longer face?

Yeah. He looks like Stingray. Oh, my God. He does. That one looks like just a normal person that you would see. Yeah. That's a good one. There was one a little bit down, I think, that is actually a perfect hair swap, and

Ben looks fucking great. I did like Old Us. Yeah. I don't Old Us. Yeah. I don't know where they got that one. There's a one where I got white hair. This one. Okay, let me see this one. Wait, he looks exactly like Tim Dillon.

Ben Mintz looks fucking super cool. He looks like who? Tim Dillon. Oh, never mind. No, he doesn't. When I saw that one, I was like, that's a guy who would absolutely turn me down

at the high school dance. I mean, that's just, my swap there is just me if my hair's not done. I liked old man Brandon because it is the future. And it's very, I trim my beard after that. Yeah. Get rid of a little of the white, but it's something. And he looks like, on the old man one, he looks like Greg the Hammer Valentine. Oh, he does.

Old professional wrestler. Why do I know this? Did Greg the Hammer Valentine, like, did he, like, fuck a bunch of people's wives or something like that? He's thinking of Pat Burrell. I have no idea. No, old wrestler. Why do I know that? I think maybe I saw him, like, beyond the mat or something like that.

There, there's Greg the Hammer Valentine on the left. Greg the Hammer Valentine and Ric Flair were friends. Holy shit. Brandon, if you looked like that, that would be fucking awesome. That would be awesome. That would be so cool. That would be super cool.

You came back to Barstool in like 40 years and that's what you looked like? I have an uncle. My brother's, my mom's brother, I look just like him. Just like that?

That's what he looks like. I can see you two having like a bass fishing show. I can see those two guys on a boat. You think you're going to have like that hair when you're older? Like are you going to bald? I'll never grow it out, but no, I don't think I'll ever go bald.

That's nice. I will. Yeah, I definitely will have white hair and a white beard if I have. You think you'll go bald? I don't think I'll. I don't know. Like maybe. You have a thick head of hair. You have a thick head of hair.

You have a thick head of hair. He's 21 years old. Yeah, but I kind of have a receding hairline. Oh, you're hiding it a little bit? Yeah. Did you see when I shaved my head? My hairline's like back here. No, I can't even picture you with a shaved head.

It made me like real insecure. You had that picture up earlier. Because I had no idea. No, I missed it. Oh, yeah, you weren't in here yet. Maybe a day or two after he asked for a raise and got flamed by dave i i actually i didn't realize that that was oh no it doesn't look that bad oh that doesn't look bad you have a widow's peak oh yeah but i wish you'd worn your hair like that for a day or two yeah that would be good

it was crazy. People thought I shaved my head just for that. Did the old man hairstyles where it's bald here and then you have two strips of hair, did that just go out? I feel like they don't do that anymore. Larry David still has it, I think. Does he? Yeah, I think.

I feel like women shamed guys enough to finally stop that. I think we finally did. Just to shave it all? Yeah, just shave it all. Just shave it all. Guys are so hesitant to shave it all. Just hold it on to a couple of pieces. There was a guy in Guess Who who has a very strong one of those. Yes, I know who you're talking about.

Herman? Probably. I think it's Herman. He looks kind of like Kevin Malone from The Office, but bald with two strands of hair going over. I was thinking of the red-haired guy. Was Kevin, is he bald in real life? I forget.

No, not really. I don't think so. Brian Bumgarner is not? No, he's been here. He came on the yak for the Super Bowl. He's got a decent amount of hair. He's not as bald as Kevin was. When?

Who is that right there? The red-haired guy is Herman. That's who I'm thinking of. Alright. I don't know what Guess Who is, I guess. What? What is Guess Who? You don't know either? It's a band. What's Guess Who? A Who is a band. Oh, is that the one where you put the... Oh, I think the Guess Who is a band, too.

What is it? What is it? I forget the rules to Guess Who. It's like a questions game. You have two people... Oh, I thought you were talking about a show or a cartoon or something. No, it's a board game. And you ask, like, oh, is your person a man or a woman? And if they say no, then you've swapped down all the other ones. Yep. Well, we should have definitely played Guess Who today.

It's a game of elimination. We could put yak people over the pictures and really do Guess Who that way. We could eliminate you immediately just by saying, is it a man? But you wouldn't want to ask that because if you eliminate Kate, then you're only knocking out one person. The goal is to knock out as many as you can? Many people as you can. Yeah, so you can narrow your selections down to just one,

and you'd be like, oh, it is Herman. I didn't know that you were such a preeminent guess who expert. I mean, I've played it before. I can't believe you never heard of it. It was like your time. I think I played that game like once. I don't think I ever played that game. I can't believe you've never heard of it. It was like your time. I think I played that game like once. I don't think I ever played that game. I grew up an only child.

I never had board game nights or anything with my family. I never played board games very much. Telling. Telling about what? Wow, only 20 seconds until the U.S. plays around. I do feel like... We actually have to get out of here at 2 o'clock too. Nope.

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That's 20% off with free shipping at manscaped.com slash yak that's 20 off with free shipping at manscaped.com slash yak manscaped get your jingle balls ready for the holidays and after you do that with manscaped you gotta eat right kate all right boy let me tell you what the big dogs do eat we don't have hella fresh but we did no it's just two can you say hella fresh is that just kidding i meant manscaped oh So we have met all of our statistical or our contractual obligations. Correct. Let's hope our goalie has a lot of shaves today. Why would he need shaves?

Because he uses manscaped. But he wants, oh, shaves, you're saying. The whole time you were doing that read, I was thinking about you as the old Brandon Santa looking guy. Yeah. Your nutsack must be a nightmare. Can I have a productive shower later? Not today, no. All right.

I think we can get out of here. Go America. Yeah. USA. USA. USA. Do you want to sing us out, Kate? If tomorrow all the things were gone, act i worked for all my life this is like the third

show i've done this on and i had to start again can't do two songs at once It's a yak It's a yak It's a yak It's a yak