The Yak - Cheah Used to Do Standup Like His Buddy Shane Gillis | The Yak 9-11-23

Episode Date: September 11, 2023

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Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. It's the Yak. It's the Yak. Welcome in, Yak. Promo code... What is it? Yak. Yeah. Roback.com. Roback.com.

Promo code Yak. Sponsored by Roback.com. Joggers, Q-Zips, polos, hoodies, shorts. I'm wearing the joggers right now. Roback.com. Promo code Yak. Hello, everyone. It is Monday, September 11th.

Are you going to clap? Oh, we did say we were going to start clapping. Oh. Oof. Hello, everyone. It's Monday, September 11th. Thank you. Kyle, I feel like you should probably take this one.

We were talking before the show started, before the first ever case race. Do you remember the shirt Kyle wore in? Yes. I think it was the first case race. And Kyle walked in the studio in Big Cat. You just look at him and you went, no. Also, I felt a little bad because kyle like came back like you know sweaty and breathing heavy he's like i walked all over the city to try to find this and all i could get was like a 3xl twin tower yeah to be clear it was the

the twin towers and pristine standing up yes yes i think that ribbon cutting just happened and it was a button up one side was one tower one side was the other i wasn't as much the shirt it was the fact that we were about to get hammered and then we were going to sit and just stare at his shirt it was the man in power yeah and just make jokes about it like it was it was basically a prompt it was like a uh uh improv prompt that we were going to use for an hour and a half of the case race. You saw the shirt on like a vintage Instagram and you reserved? I reserved it immediately. I just DMed him, keep this.

And he says, I think you're good. Don't, don't, no rush. And I still sprint it. Keep this right now. Tell everyone who's trying to buy this shirt fuck off yeah sorry it's reserved do you still have it I don't I don't know where it went use it as a comrade it's too big to wear by the way this is probably the last yak that I'll ever do as a free man. I'm about to go to jail for burner accounts online.

So, knowing you guys. I can't believe they got us. Scoop. Yeah. Scoop. Barstool Sports used burner accounts to skirt copyright law. And then inside the scoop, what was the exact quote? I was quoted. I um i gotta find it this

is he's been doing investigative research or invest an investigation on barstool sports for what seems like the last like i don't know how long uh four months trying to uncover our burner accounts you were quoted in the article yeah i was quoted in the article on a scoop that he's like we have done it we found it after all this hard work. My quote was, after five seconds spent listening to the 80s rap hit, Katz announced and prompted, we're going to have to put this on a burner now. How did they figure out that we have burners? What the fuck?

What research went into this? Dude, this guy who hates us and it's just a very like there's been obviously a million times that we've gotten a hit piece and someone's like okay yeah maybe we acted wrong there maybe we should have you know not taking that whatever whatever maybe this one he is specifically just being like will someone think of the billion dollar corporations? Barstool Sports is taking five second clips of highlights and songs. Oh, the humanity. Barstool's been in the wrong before on things, but this is undeniably cool of us. Yeah.

Really punk rock. Yeah, this is very punk rock. So he emailed me asking for comment, I think on Thursday. I didn't reply. But he had that quote. He was like, what did you mean by this quote? I wanted to reply and just be like, we had to put it on a burner. What are you talking about?

Of course. I also like the idea that they probably sat around like they're in this cave trying to figure out all the connection to stuff. And then they find Frank was right. And they're like, do you think this has anything to do with Barstool? It's like, it's the smoking gun. It's the weird haircut Seth Burner account. Yeah, right. We're not exactly sneaky about any of this.

The Burner account is the name of Hank's old burner, right? Yeah, Franny Lydon. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Wait until they find that one. Yeah, so at least we stay consistent with our Burner accounts yeah i think i'm gonna go to jail i think i'm i think i'm probably the fbi is gonna raid my phone and they're gonna it's gonna be over for me or you're gonna have to pay back the nfl or something yeah we're using their clips who is uh julie uh the chicago girl oh julie the Chicago girl Julie DeCaro oh yeah she was so weird

who did this because this is I need to know more about Justin Trudeau like it was the funniest thing ever he just read her entire book so Julie DeCaro who's a very not smart person to put it mildly saw this article and was like

I too have been stolen from Barstool Sports. She saw the headline and doesn't realize that this guy is writing an entire article being like, Barstool Sports is taking NFL highlights and stuff from Sony Music. Again, billion-dollar corporations. She was like, I too have been stolen from by Barstool Sports. She said, different method, same result. The day my book launched in 2021, Barstool read the entire thing on YouTube.

This is the greatest. Seven hours. Completely gave it away for free. This is the greatest endorsement for Barstool. Yeah. I mean, I read this. I was like, who did this? I need to know everything about this.

Oh, it's so funny. So fucking funny. It was my guy, Justin Trudell. He's hilarious. That's so good. Kirk had him do that. It was a genius move by Kirkirk and uh it was yeah it was one of the funniest youtubes ever he just sat there reading the entire book and she thinks that

i would love just i actually would be very funny if there was one person who was sitting there listening to justin trudeau read the book to hear book. Thank God I don't have to buy it now. Yeah. Three, how lucky am I? But yeah, this one was, I mean, of all the hit pieces, this one made me laugh the most because you could even see the reaction. Like people who normally just pile on us are like, what are we doing here, dude? What are we supposed to do here?

Well, too, didn't it talk about the lady who was like, Barstool stole my holiday song and then we all found out that she just stole it from someone else, too. Yeah, she stole it from Black Twitter. Yeah. Yeah, it was way worse. This article still pointed to her like an example, and it's like, well, she stole from whatever. Yeah, that story was the one that we just looked really bad because we did the $50 gift card.

I do love the picture of Dave. Yeah. It is cool. with the mask on he also i i didn't read the whole article but he thought like he had a in his email to me asked me for comment one of them was like someone stole the a clip of the kobe bryant interview i did with a rod and i replied and said i don't give a fuck that people are taking this it's the internet everyone should be able to take everything but just want to point out that if rules were reversed barstool would get dragged for this how is that getting me i feel like that's pretty consistent

logic by me right yeah yeah like i don't clips on the internet or clips on the internet they go everywhere wait they found 40 of our burner accounts yeah i'd like to see that list i have the burner accounts do you have the list of the names yeah it's got to be a funny yeah tomato tomato no tomato tomato yeah chip skyler had a great run chip skyler he got shot down that's a good one ray baker ray baker was a good one uh let's see skeeter was bailey collins as dumb as this is it must be a lucrative business for these people to they know just write blogs yeah oh this one's just grab clips that's a tough one that one's a dead giveaway lists all lists all these I know that he said

I think he hyperlinked it in the article grabbed clips grabbed clips there's no other that are that funny song 426 59566 yeah so I guess oh wait

what's this one Mark Turgeon Stan. That was probably. Mark Turgeon. Like, that can't exist. That's not believable. Yeah, so I'm probably going to go to jail. It is what it is.

It was nice knowing you guys. We got a good run. Yeah. Yeah, a hell of a run. Skeeter 6969 did me me in i can't believe it we always knew it would it would do that yeah all right so what else we got going on are there are there any actual repercussions that can come from that or no i don't know i doubt it i think we'll probably have to trim trim a little bit of you know like the the VP of Football Operations. Damn, good thing I dropped that title.

Yeah. There's a new sign. Yes, I saw. There's a new sign? Yeah. VP of Football Operations. No, I don't think you're going to like this one any better, Brandon. I don't think he'll like it.

I think he's going to fucking hate it. I don't think this is an upgrade for you, Brandon. Brandon, look at that one. Okay. VP of football operations. I also got this made so that we can put it somewhere. That's not necessary. Well, it's just a.

Oh, no. That's decor for the office. Yeah, we just put it up right here. That's going to look nice. Mind everyone. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, Steven, there's that.

That's fine. That's great branding for me. That's not great branding for you. People are going to see my Twitter handle in all the shots. They're going to see it with, oh, actually, no, okay, maybe. I feel like Steven's just glowing because the Bucs are 1-0. Oh, yeah. You can't get to them right now.

I do want to talk about your commute, though. Who, me? 843 is when it started this morning. Yes. And I was sitting there, and you got here at 1030. I stopped the clock. I went to Taco Bell across the street for a Victory Monday breakfast. I didn't know that.

All right. Crunchwrap Supreme. Or breakfast crunchwrap. At 10 o'clock in the morning? I smelled hash browns on the way, I was like, I gotta have it. Fair enough. Been there, brother. I've been there. Wait, so where did you stop for breakfast? Taco Bell. It's like pretty much across the street.

So I wanted to stop the clock there for fairness. But yeah, it was about hour 45-ish. You live 40 miles closer to the city than me and it takes you longer than me every day it does i tried driving in last week and it was just as long how i don't understand i'm driving past you it's like different routes you know this yeah you're avoiding like the traffic street and i have to go down that takes me an hour and 20 every day yeah yeah i i should be about that i

had a small snafu today it was was raining. I made a wrong turn. I'll be good. I'll say it. I don't. You got to just figure out a way to get in and stop talking about it. You should make a series out of it. Oh, you could do that. Or talk.

Or do the exact opposite. Yeah. Yeah, just make it a whole series. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, I'd love that. Pretty much is. If it was a one-episode special, it'd be done like a fart in the wind. But now?

Now it has staying power. Yeah. Everyone wants to see the commute. I don't know, but it's like a fart in an elevator now. Maybe it's just called the commute. To a fart. It's the most relevant thing. It's true.

What's worse than being in traffic watching another man be in traffic right yeah it's the perfect thing to watch while you're stuck in traffic live stream your traffic yeah the commute a steven chase story yeah i did get a good tip today but the my train was an express i didn't make the stop so i'll have to try that out next time what was the tip are you soliciting tips yes okay yeah so i'm taking advice got it and what was the tip get off at like irving i think and then get on a l okay but it didn't stop there i don't like that people are actually giving you real tips no yeah yeah they're helpful i know i need people to give you fake tips can i tell you something i've been awake since

2 30 today why and um that's horrible why yeah i just got woken up by something and then i just started thinking about football and then what did you get woken up by there was a um a thunderstorm last night oh okay that's true so i was thinking what's the smallest like bug oh no i don't want to i don't want to the smallest bug here we go like the small oh wait just smallest bug that was the end of this question that was the question no that that's that's to start it actually since 230 pondering what's the smallest bug but if you're the smallest bug like what do bugs do when it rains really hard like you can find right so if you're if you're the tiniest bug in the world and you're in a driveway and it starts raining

real hard... What are you at? What are you... If you get hit... Let him cook. Wait, wait, wait. Do bugs breathe? Oh, boy.

Oh, that's worse than what he said. Wait, do bugs breathe? They're not the same as us. They're not... Oh, that's true. They're not mammals, are they? No. They're insects.

Oh, God. Yeah, but... This is going to get really good. Where are the lungs fitting? Oh, my God. They're not mammals, are they? No. They're insects. Oh, God. Yeah, but no. They're just going to get really good. Where are the lungs fitting? Oh, my God. They're tiny. But if a bug gets hit by a big raindrop, that's like 10 times the size of it. Does it die instantly?

No, they're sturdier. It's like how an ant can lift up a- They don't have similar anatomy. An ant can lift up like 50 times its weight so it can so it can survive a raindrop too they're built different right i don't know i think it would go splat wait why were you i'm not going to be sleeping tonight 2 30 in the morning you were thinking it was raining pretty hard and i was like man what about those bugs so wouldn't one thunderstorm just wipe out every insect no because some are covered like they're not all out in the middle of the oh so the ones that

prepare the rich bugs the bugs that have like how not all out in the middle of the driveway. Oh, so the ones that prepare. The rich bugs. The bugs that have, like... How many bugs are in the middle of the driveway? Most are underground. Most are... Most, yeah, but some... But they die. No, they float.

Or they live. They go with the flow. But wouldn't, like, you have, like, your ant farm situation underground where they have their whole colonies in there. Wouldn't the water, like, wipe them all out in your scenario? Like, don't... Wouldn't... Like, this would be...

So I'm sure they could die by other dies. Yeah, but i'm just wondering if a bug could get killed by the impact of a raindrop i'm saying if water no i don't know you can dump a whole bucket of pail of water on a bug yeah no scurry away yeah they'll just like swim on the top like answers that float on the top are you thinking ant or much smaller than a dust what's smaller than an ant. What's smaller than an ant? Those are... That's my ass. A gnat? Bugs are very good at surviving. Yes. Yeah, the world is stacked against the bugs.

I guess I wasted my whole morning. You did. Don't pretend like you spent hours on that. I actually might have. Why didn't you just Google? It was like really late. I was in my bed with my wife. I didn't want just Google? It was, like, really late. I was in my bed with my wife. I didn't want to wake her up by going on my phone.

You could have Googled for five seconds and then gone right back to sleep. How long did you lay in the bed thinking about that? Dude, I've been up since 2.30. You literally are the meme. Like, I bet he's thinking about other girls. I, like, started doing stuff at, like, 5.45. But, like, you know, I was thinking about that, then thinking about football, and then upcoming weeks, and it's a whole cycle, then back to the bugs.

Yeah, you are the meme. I bet he's thinking about other girls, and it's just a thought bubble. Does an ant die because a raindrop hits it? What even is that thought? It's way smaller. All right, so too long to read. Yeah, read it, Steven. I feel like that's obvious.

TLDR, depends on the insect. Some wait for the storm to pass. Some don't go out at all. Some just dodge the raindrops. What? Or escape them. And others specifically wait for the rain to get their funk on. Also, as a short aside, there's also lots of insects that just live in water which in this case

the rain doesn't really affect them isn't this a scene from uh honey i shrunk the kids like they're yeah they're with all the ants and the sprinklers go off yeah right didn't we answer this in the and then rick moranis got punched in the face randomly by a dude in new york city he was just about to make his comeback, right? Yeah. Because he actually has a really great story, right? I think his wife got sick and he quit his acting career to take care of his kids. That's right. Yeah.

He was at the height of his thing. That punch fucked him up. He did get punched by a random guy. That's insane. I think we have to- He didn't even do anything. It's like the saddest thing in the world. Like a gang initiated. Yeah.

He really was in every movie between 86 and 90 and then it was just over. I'm pretty sure it was over because of his doing. What? I don't think he Hollywood just stopped calling him. What was his last movie? He did Honey, I Shrunk the Kids

and he did Parenthood. There was a few Honeys. Honey, I Blew Up the Kids. I remember watching him in the movie theater blowing my mind. Honey, I Shrunk the Kids, and he did Parenthood. There was a few honeys. Honey, I Blew Up the Kids. I remember watching him in the movie theater. Honey, We Shrunk Ourselves. Little Giants, was he in? Little Giants might have been the last one. That was like 95, wasn't it? You look up Rick Moranis?

That was 94. What a legend this guy is. He coached his daughter's football team to a town title over his Hall of Fame brother. Well, unfortunately, there's no way. Oh, the Goldbergs. So he's been. One episode. Oh.

One episode. Wait, so. Right before. Okay, so he's got a couple. The voice guy? Oh, yeah. Voice, voice, voice. It's all voice.

This is all voice. I bet voice. Honey, we shrunk ourselves 1997. It was the last one. Little Giants, TJ. She would have to divorce him, right? After all this shit. Yeah, there it is.

The wife would not stand for me. Oh, the Flintstones. It was him who kept shrinking. He said 92. Honey, stop shrinking things. Would your wife be mad at you if you shrunk her? Oh, sure. Yeah.

She'd die in the rain. Potentially. What a weird... Who comes up with that movie? That movie was huge. I know. There was a lot of miniature men movies in that era. Yeah, Indian in the Cupboard.

Oh, yeah. Small Soldier. Small Soldier, yeah. Small Soldier. Yeah. Small Soldier. That was a good movie, though. I feel like. I bet you if you watch it, you'd be like, this sucks. This sucks, yeah. We should watch it.

Yeah, we should. I just remember thinking, like, this is so cool that they're the same size as the ants. I was 10 when it came out. So, what does that make you, like, five? Was that one? No, there was multiple ones. same size as the ants i was 10 when it came out so it wasn't making like five was that no i i mean there was multiple ones you could also brandon this you could also like watch movies later like you didn't have to like watch yeah i don't think i saw any kids in the theater i think i saw the later ones but i remember watching it like for like for example like i've i've seen like snow

white and that didn't come out about 19 out in 1937 you must be 200 years old what are your thoughts on the new Snow White Titus let me calculate they must have her muscle pretty good now we haven't heard from her she's so annoying oh that's right I usually think that it's overblown

when everyone freaks out about like a who they cast but she is a very annoying person yeah do we respect the honesty at all though do we respect that like she's letting it rip at a time when every every interview i don't know i'm just no advocate here that no every interview is like pr stuffy and she's like snow white fucking sucked yeah no she's no i don't respect the honesty because she's a annoying yeah like like is it like steven chay annoys me he's honest i don't respect his honesty he's just annoying you know like i think annoying trumps honesty i respect your honesty when you're not annoying yeah i love when people say like uh they use that as like a crush when when they're just like really they have no friends and they're assholes everyone's like tell it how it

i just tell it how it is you just can't handle the truth you shouldn't be doing that no there's some things you just don't have to say like on a red carpet like snow white is about rape so we're deciding not to do it is it that's what she Is it? She said it was like a stalker. She was asleep and the prince came and kissed a sleep girl. That saved her life. That's obviously. When does the prince kiss her?

Snow White eats the apple. Snow White eats the poisonous apple and dies. The witch does it to her, right? The guy has to come kiss her, right? That's CPR. That's Tamar Hamlin. That girl? Yeah. That's what

she says it's rape, but like... He saved her life. Wait, what is Sleeping Beauty? That's Sleeping Beauty. It's sort of the same movie. This is pissing people off so much right now. Which one? Snow White is Snow White.

She hung out with the seven dwarves. Terrible movie by the way. Who did Sleeping Beauty hang out with? Nobody. She just sleep. She had three portly women. Oh yeah, the three little fairies. Is Sleeping Beauty just the same as Snow White?

They're the same. They're the same. It's just women be tired? Why did Sleeping Beauty sleep? Well, that was like Cinderella. He had to save her from being a maid. Yeah, but she didn't fall asleep. I'm saying, like, this is two women that just...

The bitch in the woods was jealous of Snow White because she was beautiful. So she was like, I'm going to poison her so I can be the most beautiful. I can be the most fairest of all, right? That was the Snow White. Mirror, mirror on the wall. Yeah, yeah. So she poisoned Snow White. If anything, White. Mirror, mirror on the wall. Yeah, yeah. So she poisoned Snow White with apples. If anything, it's like a sorority story. Yeah.

Like, fuck her. She's so hot. I'm gonna fucking make her fat. Get mad at the dude for the apples. I'm gonna tell her Taco Bell every time we get drunk. They should remake that. Yeah, that would be good. Yeah. Wait, so then we keep going what happens

so then she like eats the apple seen it here right i i actually did see it like a few months ago 1937 version i so before i left la i took my niece to to disneyland and uh it i don't know i and then you leave disneyland and you're like that's that you're like, Disneyland's actually a lot of fun. And then I was like, I should watch some of these because I haven't watched any Disney movies in ages. So I started watching the classics. Snow White was dog shit. Yeah.

It's a very bad movie. It's just very boring. Based on the era, like the 30s? Yeah, I don't mean like, yeah, not for the reasons. It was a marvel when it came out. It was the first full-length animated. Like color and color as well, yeah. But it's terrible now.

But, yeah, I think then she eats the apple, right? And then she's like. She moves in with seven messy men and she's like, let me cook and clean for you and fix your life by being a woman. Yeah, it was empowering. And then the prince has to kiss her or something to wake her up. This kind of hits all the notes. Like, I think this movie rocks. Yeah.

Wait, and then what did the woman say who's playing the new snow white she's like the guy's kind of a stalker yeah yeah the prince who saves her yeah which is like he saved her life he's made her face it's kind of weird right kind of weird right can you find that clip tj it's infuriating weird right put it on a burner if you have to oh fuck should i said that god damn it if you guys fucked if you guys had like a modern day snow white situation where there's like nobody really in the street and you see someone that needs cpr would you i mean i would i would i would take a good everybody kind of knows cpr i don't want at all i don't think. At all?

Like you have no idea what to do? No. The thing you do in that situation is you try to be the guy who's like right behind the guy. Right. I'll make sure everyone stays out of the way. You can at least pump on the chest a couple times, right? Yeah. You can do the chest. But I wouldn't do...

You're supposed to like break the sternum. Yeah, you got to be the guy who's like someone comes and knows CPR. You're like, tell me what to do. What do you need do what do you need my help you wanna put his feet up above what if he says you be the mouth guy I'll be the chest guy mouth guy gets all the praise yeah rock paper scissors shoot we still talking about CPR yeah

you be the mouth guy I'll be the chest guy you never wanna be the guy who's taking control of the situation. You want to be the helper. I want to be the guy that shows up right after the situation has been resolved and is like, how can I help? Yeah. I want the glory.

Are we good? Are we good? I got here as soon as I could. Or like, dude, be like the traffic guy. Like, let me get in the way and make sure no one walks through this. Brandon, you want the glory so much you'd kiss a dude's mouth and, like, breathe in their mouth? If he was dying? This is saving his life.

This isn't my... Steven, it's not gay when you're trying to save a man's life. Dude, if Brandon's saving a life and Chase is like, gay? Guy's having a heart attack and he's like, pause. No thanks, bro.

Nice try. I had a situation. My girlfriend's dad was visiting us a couple weeks ago. We went to Gibson's, the steakhouse. Did he choke? He choked. He did? At the table.

Father-in-law? It was fucking... I'd be pissed. I absolutely froze. I did exactly what I said. I was really good at, like, after the situation resolved, I was like, is there anything I can do? I picked up the tab, which I felt like was, like, I'll take care of the tab. But he was, like, talking, and he had, it was funny because he wanted the prime rib.

First of all, he said he was going to treat us. He's like, it'll be my treat. We go to Gibson's, and he looks at the menu, and he's like, fuck. You see him doing the calculations in his head the prime rib was the cheapest thing so he tries to order that the waiter says don't get that that's bad here like the waiter just straight up is like do not eat that but he's like i don't want to pay for more steaks so he's like i'm gonna i'm gonna roll with the prime rib he gets the prime rib and then like every bite he's taking he's like you know just kind of like that and then like hitting himself and then swallows and then he but he kind of it was

sort of like a boy cried wolf situation because he did that so often that i just thought like he was he had figured it out i figured out that that's part of his routine and then bite like number five he's just like and then uh my girlfriend's like, are you okay? And he's like, no. But he's still kind of casual with it, just kind of hitting his chest. And she's like, oh my god, are you okay? He's like, no. Just kind of like, no, I'm not. I can't really breathe. How many people die because they're

too cool to be choking in a movie? Yeah. He was kind of like, no, I'm not. I'm really not. So what happened? She hops up, tries to get behind him, has no idea how to do the Heimlich Behind him so she starts just yelling like can I get some help the waiter the coolest motherfucker like this this waiter is like a 70 year old black dude that's just like a he comes out with the cuts of meat and he's just got this whole like song and Dance was it's like like this guy's the coolest fucking guy the waiter's like we're helping another table and just turns around and looks

He's like give me a second and just walks over this is probably every one for us spits out all the prime rib and then what yeah i swear to god and i i'm sitting there just like i thought it was like he got he got it out himself did he look at your father-in-law and just was he like uh told you yeah he literally did no he goes he goes uh he goes i he goes, I tried to tell you. And then I swear to God. And so then it was as you know, the rest of the dinner was super awkward. We're just kind of like sitting there like, like, you know, he actually was like kind of fine. He was just like, this is really embarrassing. He's like, I'm done eating, obviously. I don't know if that's obvious.

Yeah, no, I would not be. But he's done eating. Well, no, he was like done eating the steak. He was like, he put his he, like, done eating the steak. Like, he put his, he wasn't, like. He threw in the towel. Yeah, he threw it. There was more steak. There was way more steak, and he just put the.

The plane lady got back. Did you see the rest of that? No. It was a woman, and she ended up getting back on the same plane as everybody else and going to the hospital. Yeah. Yeah. So I. Damn.

So the bill comes, and I'm like, I'll pick up the tab, because I could tell that he was sweating the pain for the meal anyway. So I was like, you almost died. I'll get the tab. And then as I'm looking at the tip line, I'm like, what is appropriate for this for the waiter? You've got to do $1,000. I was like, what do I do here? I ended up giving him like $100 extra, I think, was what it was. I figured out what the tip was, I added a hundred bucks to it.

Was it so serious that you couldn't joke about it after? You got to joke. Yeah, you got to. Like if I were you, I wouldn't go to cutting up his steak for him. Well, I did. I tried to break it up like on the drive home. I was like, you know, I kind of did the other net. Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play type deal?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, I thought the bread was pretty good though right you know like uh he was cool about it um the worst part though we get home my girlfriend's like traumatized by it she immediately looks up cpr classes because she's like i she goes if the waiter wasn't there um i would have just watched my dad die right in front of me well another waiter i know all waiters are trained that's not cpr yeah well that's the thing that's that's the thing nick was uh so i'm i'm not in a position to be like we're not doing this i'm like i got whatever you want she signed me up for a cpr class um this is insane because she's just she's like you know she's traumatized she's like i want to be able to take care of situations like this um we signed

her for the class it's like a class for like people that like need to be fucking certified for their jobs yeah like a class for like yeah yeah uh we get like we get like the the it was a three-hour class you went to the class i did not go okay it's a three-hour itinerary um and and i'm reading through it i'm like listen i we're gonna show up and they're gonna be like what line of work are you in and everyone's like i want to be an emt or i'm like a you know like a kindergarten teacher and i need this for you're like poorly tuned yeah you're like yeah i'm like i'm a sports podcaster yeah um they made us watch like a bunch of videos before we go to the class and she basically was like watching the videos and she it was like how she was like if you get impaled in the eye you can fix it she

was one of the video it was just like all these videos that had nothing to do with like what she actually wanted so we just basically bailed and we wasted like 300 oh my god so anyway i'm trying to think of the etiquette for that situation it was fucking choker post choking as the choker as you got like smug about it like that was the stakes fault no he was he was very very embarrassed he was very much like i like this was my biggest moment of weakness i almost died because of a you know a piece of steak um and he was very embarrassed and i i don't know i tried to but i i do i very much was like the guy that was just sitting there just like, fuck, this sucks.

What do I, you know, what do I do? And then as soon as like the situation had been resolved, I was like, holy shit. Anything I can do. That's insane. I would have kept eating. Oh, I got, I got dessert. I got the big ass. Get them like applesauce for dessert.

Try this. Slow down with it. Anyway. I actually don't know if I was authorized to tell that story. That's okay. We can cut that, right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, just cut all that.

I bet like steak restaurants, I bet they make their staff go through like. The guy was so smooth. I was like, this guy has done this before. I bet you he could have done a tracheotomy if he had. He did the move where the Heimlich. Yeah, and it was literally one thrust. One thrust? He was laying on the table.

He had his back to us. My girlfriend's losing her mind. She's like, can somebody help? Somebody help? And he just turns around. He's like, oh, Heimlich. He said Heimlich out loud. I remember that.

He goes, oh, Heimlich. He gets behind him. One thrust. Then he just spit it out. And he was like, you good? Where did he spit it out? Yeah, where did the wad go? Oh, right back on the plate.

It wasn't like a sitcom situation where he shot across the room. It didn't land in someone's chin. Right. He just kind of dribbled down his chin and onto the plate. Holy shit. What a maneuver. Yeah. I'd never seen it before.

That was like three weeks ago, I want to say. Yeah. And you kind of, you kind of alpha'd your girlfriend's dad. Yeah. Yeah. You didn't choke. I did not choke. Like every single bite, you're going to be like, mmm.

Yeah. Mmm, mmm, mmm. This is so good, I could just swallow it whole. Oh, you've got to try this. Oh, God. Yeah. That's crazy yeah that's crazy crazy yeah the i i mean a trachea the the one when they cut the neck and then use this use a straw it's like a pen right yeah that's badass what is that for exactly it's like if people can't for that if it's lodged like a lodged

in there for stuck you can go below yeah so if that situation didn't come out they get stabbed right where your windpipe is so that you can breathe through your wind like did j-lo do it to her boyfriend in anaconda maybe oh i think i think she did they did it scrubs didn't scrub did it in the line at the food truck okay do you are you big scrubbing guy huge scrubbed yeah my thoughts my third favorite show what's number one office offices to okay what's number one morning sunshine yes mostly sports oh yeah the Cosby shows my all-time favorite yes and then the office of this mostly sports is a cult classic, man.

I wish it went on longer. Freaks and geeks situation. Let's not put that in the air already. You are attending high school football games? I am. I love that. Is this a team that, like, does your daughter go to this school? She does.

Oh, that's. Yeah, I'm taking her. Yeah. I thought you were. No, she's hanging out with her friends, and I don't want to leave her, so I just stay at the game and watch the game. Do you hawk over her? Do you, like.

No, I don't. I let her do her own thing. She goes. Very good team. Very good team. So, we were up 42-0 the other night, and I had that video with the other team going crazy, but I like going to high school football games.

What's going on here? They're parting to Miley Cyrus, part of the USA's playing. And that student section is down 42-0 and I was impressed by their moxie. Good moxie. Well, the moxie hasn't even started yet. Hold on. Here comes the moxie right here.

Wait. Moxie. Moxie. That's the Moxie? Yep. In spades. Wait. The end, the number 68 starts dancing. Right there, the guy doing that. Wait.

And he's on one. That's a good way to spend a Friday night. I love it. I love going to high school football games. I remember my high school had a group of old timers that didn't have any kids there that would go and sit in the top. I've gone to my high school in West Point for 20 years. Of course, I'm a loser.

It took you that long to do high school? No. By the way, high noon. Oh, no. You need to do high noon. Yeah. I can't do high noon. It's time to load up the ice and break out the oversized long games because High Noon Game Day Pack is back.

It includes limited edition faves, pear, and cranberry, along with black cherry and grapefruit made with real vodka. Real juice is just 100 calories and gluten-free with no added sugar. The High Noon Game Day Pack is a fall exclusive, which means it's here for a good time, not a long time. Visit highnoonspirits.com before your next tailgate and find a pack near you. High Noon's the best. Wait, so the diarrhea person was a woman?

So I only know this because I watched a TikTok where Will Ferrell surprised a very small comedy club this weekend he was in town for a soccer game somewhere in like portland okay he saw a sign for an open mic and so he the clip is they're like up next will ferrell and the crowd's like they don't realize and then it's actually will ferrell and everyone's like holy shit and he's like i saw the sign out here tonight he's like i'm not really a stand-up guy but i thought i'd try it out and he does a whole bit about the portugal plane pooper and he's like and then he not really a stand-up guy, but I thought I'd try it out. And he does a whole bit about the Portugal plane pooper. And he's like, and then he says that it turns out in the news announced it was a woman. They cleaned the plane, and then everybody got back on the plane, including the pooper.

And she got to go back. So I'm taking this off of Wilbur. Okay, all right. So is this actually the truth? But I'm pretty sure. That's a bold move to show. I don't know the story yet. Hold on.

You saw the pooper story what? we did a whole show about it oh yeah I'm sorry it was a flight going from Atlanta to Barcelona and they had to they were in the air and they had to turn around look

and come back because someone had diarrhea all over the plane. Oh, my God. Yeah. Biohazard. Sorry if you guys have already talked about all of this, but how do we think that happened? Did they shit her pants and try to walk to the bathroom and just like fall down the pant leg? Yeah, I think she just started to shit and then like maybe wearing shorts.

Yeah. The fact that it's a woman has me fucked up because it was like women don't poop right women don't poop that wasn't like part of his joke he was saying that like it was part of the story was that that's how it ended up like he wasn't that wasn't even oh you're taking that from a bit from a medium so you don't know did you do any follow-up i i'm trying to google it now but i just took forget for word. But that wasn't the point of his joke. He was saying that part is like, that's matter-of-factly part of the news story. Got it.

Blah, blah, blah. This is how I get my news. That's a fair way. But how would Will Ferrell have gotten the news in this case? I'm trying to figure. Let me do a little. Okay, you go to work. Find the story.

Yeah, it was crazy, Kyle. Yeah, that's just heartbreaking. Is it? I think it's funny more than heartbreaking it's both but i mean that to be that person yeah what's worse being that person the fact that she had the nuts to get back on the plane around allegedly okay allegedly if she did though if they clean the plane she's like all right i'm ready to go now i got all the shit out of it yeah more power more power to her. I mean, it's kind of like lightning, right? Like, she's not going to diarrhea like that again.

You'd think. Yeah, statistically, she's the least likely to diarrhea. Diarrhea, right. Yeah. At least to that volume. Although she does have diarrheal tendencies now. So it's on her scouting report. She's in the middle of diarrhea.

It's on her scouting report. Yeah. Would you rather have a little diarrhea in front of friends in your pants or choke in front of your friends? I would rather. I think I'd rather diarrhea. No. I would much rather choke. Choke.

Choking is an accident. Diarrhea is you shitting yourself. You're not doing it on purpose. Diarrhea is always an accident. It's literally called an accident. That's a great question. You'd rather. I actually think it's diarrhea.

I think it's a good question. No, it's definitely choke. I think choking's a good question. No, it's definitely choking. I think choking is terrifying. It's terrifying, but like... Are you being saved? Assuming you're going to be... Yes, yes, you're saved. But then you have to like...

If they're your close friends, I don't care if I poop in front of them. Exactly. Yeah. If you have diarrhea in your pants in front of your friends... That's funny, yeah. We've seen his poop before. Yeah. And it's like whatever

but right we have yeah if you before if you choke in front of your friends they'll call you a bitch but right iria they're like that's pretty funny yeah you went hard yeah yeah like you you go so hard you poop your pants i can't believe i've been swayed yeah thanks good questions right y'all are nuts man well no why are we nuts? You'd rather have diarrhea. The option is always. In front of strangers, I would rather choke. Yes. Than diarrhea.

But in front of my friends. They will never let you live it down ever. But that's funny. You come out and they're just like, yeah, shit. No, wait. I've diarrhea in front of my friends. Right. It's funny.

When you're like in high school and college, if you're like, they're dudes like voluntarily diarrhea in front of their friends yeah no one's like voluntarily choking you guys are like guys watch this themselves yeah like watch yeah i'm gonna shit myself nobody's like watch watch i'm gonna eat a piece of meat and choke on it and almost die well that was a trend on youtube for a while was remember cannonball dookie is one of my favorite videos of all time oh yeah but guys like like climbing up in a tree and poop like oh yeah down or like jumping off a dock and that shit's funny at the water that's funny i don't know if i could make myself do that though brandon if we were all out to eat and you had a little poop in

your pants we would forget about it. We would probably almost expect that. If you choked, we would never forget it and you would get those jokes forever. I'd never be able to be on the show. You're wrong about that. He would have to quit his job if he shit himself. That is true. I would never be able to be on the show again.

I'd never be able to be in this company again. But you'd sort of be a... Jerry. It's a big difference. Yeah. He also didn't shit around anybody like he he he was in control of that whole situation well certainly not well i guess not yeah yeah yeah i don't it's it's it's shit for us brand Brandon. You just can't make a mistake. That's the life you've built. Yeah.

That's what it is. Yeah, no matter what, you're a lose-lose. Well, Brandon chokes in front of his friends every year at the dozen tournament. Oh! Nice! I think that's a... Damn! You win this round.

Damn. Pretty good. Are win this round. Damn. Pretty good. Are you getting nervous that the dozen's coming back? No. Why not? Because I don't get nervous about the dozen until the end. Oh, okay. And then when the tournament comes around, I get nervous.

The regular season, I don't get nervous for that. Got it. Because you know that you'll dominate the regular season. You guys were the number one seed in choke before we did. I don't understand how Jeff does that. We've never been the best team. Dan's perfected the United States basketball approach to international play. If he wins, he's like, suck my dick.

We're never going to win. And when you lose, you're just like, I don't care. We're never going to win. I never cared about this anyway. We're not good enough to win. That's a fact. Brandon, you should just become better friends with Jeff. Yeah, that's true. And start writing the questions like Brandon.

It's your show. It's your show. I like to watch it. I like to hang out behind. Are you going to catch one last fish before the weather turns? That's right. I've been getting some DMs about how to do it. I've got to get a Senko, and then I have to go between 6 and 8 in the morning, apparently.

Oh, that's perfect. You have nothing to do between 6 and 8. Well, if I get up a little earlier, I'll be able to pull it off. So you're going to get up to fish and then commute? No, I think what I'll do is this is my plan. Every day I'm going to wake up. I'm going to leave my house at 6 to come here. But on the weekends, to keep my routine, I'll also wake up at 6.

I'll just go fishing instead. Is waking up at 6 going to, like, ruin you? You're a late sleeper. I don't like it, but this is the life, you know. People have to do worse for less, so I'm good. Thank you for your service. Yeah, just don't call me a hero. I've got to link you up with my boy Skeet Reese.

Great fisher. Great fisherman. No, you don't know him. Is he from Wheeling? Skeet Reese? Yeah, I know Skeet Reese. Skeet Reese. The bass fisherman?

Professional bass fisherman. Damn good. Why wouldn't you take him up on that? My two favorite things. I would love to. Skeet Reese. What a name. I DM'd with a guy named Mike Iaconelli that I wanted to go fishing with in Jersey,

but I never DM'd him back. Skeet Reese makes real good bait. You'd love it. Skeet Reese? Yeah. Well, he doesn't make the bait. He just puts his name on the bait. Well, I'm sure he signs off on it.

It's good enough for Skeet. I'll get you some. That's a fish. Oh, look at that. Skeet Reese. Although he's kind of holding it up too close to the camera. That's the whole point. That's a fish. Oh, look at that. Skeet Reese has one of those hats, too. Although he's kind of holding it up too close to the camera. No, that's the whole point. That's how you're supposed to do it.

Yeah. I know how to do it. That's a... Oh. Oh, yeah. Wait, zoom in again? Relax. Hey, now.

Oh, yeah. Steven, you like what you see? I do. I do. He did. He did. He's... Oh. Oh. I do, I do. He did.

The Bears have to play the Bucs next Sunday, and I'm not looking forward to that at all. They have to win. Because Steven, like... We will. Yeah, I mean, it's going to be terrible, because if the Bucs win, Steven's going to just be so patronizing, like, I like some of the things that you guys do.

Yeah, 100%. Yeah, like, oh, you guys, you know, keep with it, buddy. Yeah. Keep trying to play that football, pal. Oh, the last time, I think the last time we played in Soldier Field, was that Mitch?

Mitch Trubisky was there. Five or six? Six. Six touchdowns? His greatest game ever. It was. So they're playing in Chicago? They're not. They're in there. Five or six. Six. Six touchdowns. His greatest game ever. It was. So they're playing in Chicago? They're not.

They're in Chicago. Oh, okay. So it has nothing to do with what Steven said. Yeah. I just wondered if they were playing in Chicago, would you stream it or would you go? Stream it. We're here. Yeah.

Comfort him. We're here. Shows discipline on your part. The Bucs come into town and you're not being able to go. Yep. He knows. So you have a Monday or Thursday night game you're going to this year? We are Thursday against Buffalo or Monday against Philly in week three.

Are you going? Maybe. We'll see. We got roofball that weekend. Are you guys still going to roofball? I hate that you directed that towards me. Yeah. But yeah.

Yeah. It'll be fun. Yeah. Yeah. See, I don't know. I don't know. You're competing though, Kyle, aren't you? Yeah, I feel like those guys, they take it serious.

What makes you think that? The 20 years of doing it? They wouldn't laugh. Trophies. There wouldn't be, if I if I, like, did horribly, they would, like, be upset. Yeah. Although, no, they might just be like, good, we proved that we're the best at roofball. Right.

I actually think they'd be pissed if you won. Yeah, we have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Everything. Even if you win, what do you gain? You have fantasized about winning. What do I everything to gain. Everything. Even if you win, what do you gain? You have fantasized about winning. What do I have to gain? Yeah, even if you win, what do you gain? Nothing to gain.

Roofball, U.S. Open champion, you would never be able to take that away from me. I would have that forever. I would also probably never compete again. I might retire on the spot. That's a coward's move. John Elway. He competed for many years, and he also won a Super Bowl and didn't retire and came back and won another one.

What did he do after that one? Right, but you... He didn't retire after the first one. He literally defended his title. Oh, yeah. Well, we'll see. John Elway. I thought you did something there.

I did. John Elway. Jerome Bettis. He was like 40 years old. I'm almost 40. Oh my God. That's a good point. That's a fair point.

Fuck. Che's been stacking dubs. Che's going back in the booth when we open the new office, just so everyone understands. This is temporary. How'd all the data turn out? What's that? How'd you do in the first week, data-wise? Not great.

Oh. Oh, that's shocking. Can I talk about your bullshit fantasy football league? Oh, yeah, we might as well. Oh, yeah, don't worry. How did that go? Yeah. None of us checked.

I play Big Cat, and I have Christian McCaffrey, I have Justin Herbert. I got some guys that did pretty good. And I thought, okay, well, yay. Go down to my score, please. All these are close matchups and everything, I guess. Well, keep going. Why would he do that? There you go.

Big Cat, 108 to 72. Big Cat has a kicker who kicked two 50-yard field goals, which are worth 30 points each. So they drafted him. They're worth 30 points each. So they drafted them. They're worth 30 points each, so nothing that any other player does matters. Maybe. No, not at all. Not at all. My team sucked. That's why...

Look at this. 67 points. Why the fuck are we doing this? I had 22, 25, and 19, and I just lose because he has a kicker. My team sucks. How the fuck did you? That's not right.

I think I was pretty clear about the scoring when we started. Wait, you did this on purpose? Yeah, 50-yard field is 10x. So why didn't we just do a kicker league? Look how bad my team was. Like, Jamar Chase played his worst game ever. Darren Waller, the Giants got absolutely pasted. Justin Fields sucked.

Yeah, your top three guys are all on teams that were laughably bad yesterday. Yes. And then my kicker. And top four, yeah, Waller. All your guys were shot. You did have a guy who was out. We don't have a bench. I can't do anything about that.

Two drops. I'm going to use it in week one. He's not dropping more games. Go back to it. Three out of four of my position players players their teams didn't score a touchdown and i won by 20 points 30 points horrible get two angles and the giants combined for three total points drive to vegas because of this bullshit so this league also has no backups if you have a buy or don't put you can add you can make two moves all season this is maximum you probably should have done you could make zero for your

tight end it wouldn't have helped because you had a kicker wait who nick did you win no did kate win yes i spent all weekend they had such a good team tinkering for sure it was so good no wait did Did Kate win? Yes, I did. Oh, that's great. Oh, shit. Doxing Sass. Wait, no, Kate.

That's yours, Kate? Yeah, 48. Oh, 48, 17. I was reading Sass is 117. She still has two players left. Wait, Sass has 17? His kicker hasn't gone yet. We hit Kate's team real quick.

She has two players left. Oh yeah, she has Josh Allen still going. Oh, but he's got Tyler Bass tonight. What was... Oh fuck, he's got... If he hits three 50-yard field goals, he's going to win. Yeah, that's true.

What was... Let me see Nick's matchup. Oh, yeah, so Nick, Nick, you would have won with your team. Yes. Yes, you definitely would have won with your team with Josh Allen. And also offered him a roster for roster swap. Roster for roster swap. Oh, no. And you turned it down.

Fuck. I admit you're a little bit intrigued by this. I think it sucks dick. No, I'm not. First thing. Genuinely, from the bottom of my heart, I think this sucks dick. When you sent it to me, I didn't even realize. You're like, good win.

Okay, I had to get in here, and Brandon was like, it's bullshit that your kicker scored 67 points. 67 points. What a beast. Can I even pick a kicker? Or was I assigned one? It would have made more sense to just give, like, one point per yard kicked.

Like, that feels like it would have made. Well, then I would have 100 points. Well, at least Brandon maybe would have. No, I still would have. I would have beaten him by more. Yeah, but if my guy had two 40-yard field goals, I would have at least gotten 80 points. Yeah, it's true.

What a league, Steven. Yeah, so a 49-yard field goal is like the NBA equivalent of having your heels on the three-pointer. It's like the worst shot. Except it's... No, because that's only one less point. This is like 90 points.

You're screaming at the TV, what are you doing? No. Oh, man, you having to drive Frank to the Super Bowl just because you didn't draft a good kicker? I drafted Justin Tucker. Again, you didn't draft a good kicker. Damn. Yeah, with Justin Tucker, you'll get the benefit from that.

Yeah. Steven, he's so happy right now with the Bucs. The 1-0 victory Mondays. I forgot how painful it is to be around him. And he thinks they're good. You do too. That wasn't a part of my take today. Fuck.

That's not for you. You don't get to listen to that. I asked you for picks the other night, and you did like the Bucs. I did. And I asked Browns, Cleveland don't get to listen to that. I asked you for picks the other night, and you did like the Bucs. I did. And I asked Browns, Cleveland Browns. Cleveland, yeah. Yeah, Brandon and I were in Tuscaloosa on Saturday. It was a good time.

Roll tie Willie. How was that? It was good. Can we talk about Brandon, the line he dropped in there? What did he say? TJ. We don't have to... I'd like to keep that a secret from Dave or Dan.

Oh, okay. Okay. Which one? Okay. Sorry. My bad. My bad. You can play it.

Okay. My bad. All right. If you want to keep it a secret, you tweeted it out from the Mostly Sports account. So, Jack McCarthy and Ebo are scripting me a line every week to say. And what was the line? And I have to say it. It was when you guys were talking about Colorado,

I was supposed to say either the glazing is insane right now. No, yeah, I called that out when it happened. Oh, yeah, the meat writing. I was like, what are you doing right now? The meat writing is crazy. I said that on the show. I had a little bro Dave. The meat writing is crazy, little bro.

I thought that was. Let's just cut to the chase. You said Colorado would be horrible you said your college that's not what i said you said sherrod sanders is horrible and you're a joke you ruined your credibility that's not what i said oh my god oh my god the meat writer is crazy little bro yeah that cuts off i literally said it's, wait, all of your other obligations are jokes to you now that mostly sports started? Playing games? Well, hmm? Nothing. No, you're fine.

Well, your Wikipedia now says that you're in the notable alums of your high school because you're the host of wrestling. Yeah. And? Are you really? They put me on notable alumni page. Oh, my God. Who else is in that crowd So the thing about Wheeling Park That's the same school you went to

But yeah I'm in there I get snubbed from the Hall of Fame I thought I was going to get it And then The most recent additions Were people younger than me Oh so are you done No one email or call them I didn't know you won two state championships additions were people younger than me so oh so you are you done it's over yeah no one no one

email or call them i didn't know you won championships do you think you're on the ballot and you keep getting voted like you're like an mlb guy that's like no just not quite getting enough votes every year and this is your life don't don't know how the ml the baseball hall of fame is like this is his last yeah they kick you off the ballot after a while, which is so ridiculous. Yeah. Yeah, there I am. This is the... Host of Wrestling.

I love that. Good for you. What was Rob Garrison in? Karate Kid. Oh. Oh, he's a guy with a dime. In Karate Kid or in real life? I'm gonna bite my tongue

kyle there's michael grove got amy schuler goodwin the mayor of charleston on there dude you don't have why aren't you blue i don't have my own page so you're gonna do this i just i'm confused you're gonna do a line every single week the they they gave me the line. Said, say this. Say something about meat riding. The meat riding is crazy, little bro. That is pretty.

I'm talking about the same line every week. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was pretty funny when I saw that. I definitely. The fact that it's coming out of your mouth. Well, you didn't slip it by me because I pointed to you. I was like, what did you just say? On the air.

I don't remember that, but I blacked out by that. There was one, like, that's a line where you could squeeze in. Like, that was topical. It made sense that you said it there. You need a line that makes no fucking sense. Zah's mad at me. Why? Because after the show, you know, I stay back and usually just shake hands and thank people for coming.

I'm a great guy. But I was. Wait, so does everyone. I was shaking hands, and this everyone. I was shaking hands. And this young lady came up to me. And she was a dwarf. Okay. She said, I love Zah.

Tell Zah, you guys are great. I love the fact that you guys are dwarf friendly. She was a little blonde. Who is it? Yeah. Are there conglomerates that aren't? Fuck them. Yeah, if I'm in anti-dwarf companies

I'm going there she said you guys I love you from Lord of the Rings and she was a blonde hair she had blonde hair and she shook my hand she took a picture of me and she said she said just tell Zah I said hey and Zah's right I should have got her hat for him. Yeah, that's a no-brainer.

I didn't even think about it. That's a huge one. If you're out there and you're watching, know that me and you talked, and go ahead and DM Zaya right now. Yeah, white girls, no. Alabama has some very attractive ladies. They did? That campus is crazy.

Did you see the squad of freshmen walking down the building? They looked like they were 12. Yeah. They did. They did. Is that just a Southern thing where you think that looks good when you're like 18 or 19 years old? Because when I was 18 or 19, I wore a polo shirt tucked into khakis, too. I think that's just a

college kids all dress alike in the South. They don't dress like that at Ball State, do they? They don't dress like that in Central Michigan. Frat boys though? I don't think so. The boat shoes, khakis? Not anymore.

In the South, it's 100% across the board. And it wasn't even sharp looking though. They all look kind of shrinky anyway. more than when you were in the south it's a hundred percent across the board right and they didn't even it wasn't even like sharp looking though they all look kind of they're all wrinkly and yeah they did all like their moms dressed them yeah there were a couple sharp ones in there i also saw someone reply to it being like it's gonna break all the northeast bros minds that all these guys are gonna marry eight pluses and get make like 150 000 a year working for sun trust i was like oh yeah i guess that sounds like a pretty good life like okay yeah damn my mom got them yeah okay a lot of a lot of couples here in chicago yeah a lot of what does that mean people

a lot of when i walk around building, everyone's in a relationship. Everyone's with their significant other. Is that different? Yeah, what's the matter with that? There's nothing. I just, as an observation, Chicago differences compared to New York. A lot more singles in New York? Yeah, which might be a New York thing.

I do see a lot more couples walking their dogs here. Yeah. A lot of couple dog walking. More dogs. Yeah. Yeah. Huh. I got to be on the lookout for that.

Yeah. We should go find some couples. What's the best dog? Try to break them up. What's the best dog y'all have seen out here? I saw a cute one. I saw a pretty cute one this morning. I saw a basset hound.

Me and Kyle saw a basset hound the other day. I like the way they... That noise they make. Where'd you see a basset hound? You were with us. We were walking back from Wrigley. you see a basset hound? You were with us. We were walking back from Wrigley. You missed a basset hound. That was fun going to the Cubs game.

We went to like the worst game ever. Worst game ever. Dual no-hitters going to the Cubs. Through five, yeah. I was so excited about that. And Stephen Che talking shit to Tommy Pham. Who was like actually responding to Stephen Che? I was getting like like that shit makes me

like anxious and I couldn't even look by the time because I felt like he was getting kind of mad no he was yeah like he was like and Stephen was yelling he was like you probably draft two running backs in the first two rounds and Tommy Pham was like what yeah my my second chirped him was a lot better Yeah, my second chirped him was a lot better. Tommy, you got to let him count off my TV. 4K. That one you didn't say with enough gusto. Yeah.

You had one where he did actually turn around. He said something. You said it like you wanted it loud enough for all of us and the camera. Yeah, right. Not for him to hear it. Oh, no, I tried to have him hear it. It just seemed that way. It seemed a little – it wasn't that loud. And Zod got a foul ball again?

Yeah, he got a foul. How? Yeah, I missed that. Two for two. Wow. And also the ball boy gave it to me. That was pretty – I was close.

That was pretty insane, though, because you switched seats with Brandon because the Cubs were getting no hit, and you were like, we've got to – they're close to it. They're getting shut out. And you kicked Brandon out of the seat, and you said, let's change the vibes. You sit down. The ball boy recognized you for the Diamondbacks, and you immediately were like, give me a ball.

We need a ball, basically. Like the very next pitch, that guy, it popped up in the air, like got batted around, and that ball boy ended that guy it popped up in the air like got batted around and that ball boy ended up with it right in his hand yeah right in his hand yeah that was pretty wild tron were you up on the tron no they didn't put us on the tron no steven shea was yelling at mike napoli like they were like kyle actually turned to him was like did you guys like go to high school together or something because they had never met steven shea was just like nap way to coach him up way to coach him up nap we were right near him yeah it was a very it was a steven i mean the peanuts are people missed it steven shea i

offered him peanuts and he's like where do i put the shells at a baseball game i've never had peanuts at the game before i feel like that's a courteous thing. We're outside. It's a peanuts across the board thing. Restaurants. Yeah, peanuts. There's bars that you can eat peanuts and just throw it on the ground.

Right on the ground. Yeah, I've met to those. Yeah. You don't have to do a chain restaurant that doesn't? Doesn't Five Guys give you a peanut? Texas Roadhouse. They don't do the floor thing. Texas, Logan's Roadhouse does.

Really, all the roadhouses. All the roadhouses. Every roadhouse does really all the roadhouses. Every roadhouse. It was good that I started eating the shell. People got mad about that. I showed you that. I go back and forth. I switch back and forth. You eat the shell? A little extra salt, yeah.

A couple people said that doesn't digest. So your stomach's's gonna be a nightmare It's like corn It's fine Yeah No issue What do you mean like corn? Corn you don't digest corn

That's why you poop it out You ever notice there's corn in your shit? Are you just figuring this out? No way Is it 100% you don't digest it? No it's like the husk The little The shell Yeah Yeah but the Yeah like You can't Colonels you shit out You get the No way. Is it 100% you don't digest it? No, it's like the husk, the little shell.

Yeah, but you can't. Kernels, you shit out, you get the yellow dots. You digest some of it, yeah, for most of it. Yeah, but the problem is if you eat 100 corn kernels, you don't shit out 100 corn kernels. No, I know, but you can't digest all of it. We should have one of us only eat corn for a week to see what it looks like.

See what happens. Oh, yeah, Stephen Chay's going to eat until he throws up. Let's make it corn. Yeah. Corn's probably the third best vegetable, maybe second. Corn? On the cob? Potato one?

Potato's got to be one. Potato's one in a landslide. Yeah. I would put corn two. I think you're right. You do corn two. Corn two, though? Yeah.

That just doesn't sound right. There's one where... Eggplant? Squash? What the fuck? You're going to throw a nightshade at 2? What are you talking about? Eggplant?

I'm giving them vegetables to see if that's what... What are vegetables? Broccoli. Broccoli's damn good. Bikini? No, asparagus. Corn's up there. Asparagus?

Corn is 2. Extra broccoli's in there. Corn's 2. Nothing feels like a real food. Corn's 2. It's corn's 2. Corn is 2. Corn's 2ns, too? Corn is stew. Corns, too?

Carrots, too. I'm forgetting one. I was trying to. Big Cat told me I can't. No, no, keep going. Keep going. I thought you were just saying eggplant, too. Yeah, I thought you were fighting Greg. Squash, zucchini.

Oh, squash is terrible. Green beans. Oh, yeah. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, lettuce.

Avocado. If avocado is not, it's a fruit, but that would be my number two. Oh, peppers are a hot ticket item. Peppers are good. We could do potatoes and S and a bomb is great. Tomato. Tomato. Tomato.

I would put mushrooms top. Shut the fuck up. Mushrooms at their peak. Mushrooms are great. But you have to like saute them. I get so mad when we do these. You've got to cook all this stuff. No, cucumber you can just eat.

Same with a leek. Cucumbers are good. Cucumbers aren't good. You say aren't you? Yeah, corn is clear cut number two. Yeah. Yes. Far and away number one.

Wow. It's not even close. But do you get the variations of that, like popcorn? Or it's just straight corn? All corn. Not including popcorn. But all things get the variations of that, like popcorn? Or it's just straight corn? All corn. Not including popcorn. But all things you can do with corn, like cream corn. Street corn.

Street corn. Mexican street corn. Oh, so good. Corn syrup. You know what Malasek does with his popcorn? What? Oh, yeah. In the bag of popcorn, after you pop it, you get some of the unpopped kernels that are

just still in the bag. He eats those. Oh. I do that, too. How do you even eat it? Wait, wait. Are you talking about the ones that are truly unpopped? Yes.

Yeah, I do that, too. That's fucked. That's fucked. I think it's the best part. Because the half-popped ones are good, where you can feel they've softened up. I'll eat the completely unpopped ones. What? Yeah.

No. Does that not just wreck your teeth? No. Yeah, I think it might. unpopped ones. What? Yeah. No. That don't just wreck your teeth? No. Yeah, I think it might. Yeah, it definitely does. Good point. Malasek's a great guy if we ever need somebody to do anything. Yes.

He's down for everything. I think potatoes are further ahead in the vegetable race than anything else. Anything. Out of anything. Anything. Are sweet potatoes different? Or are those right? I say they are. Yeah, they're definitely different. Are sweet potatoes different? Or are those a real one? I say they are.

Yeah, they're definitely different. But they're also probably two. You ever been to a wedding that has a smashed potato bar and you get like a martini glass of mashed potatoes and you go down and you got the gravy and the bacon and the sour cream? Well, that's white trash as fuck, but I would love to go there. Do you go there when all the parents are drunk? Yeah. Yeah.

You know when you're a kid and your parents are fucked up and you're at a wedding and you get... Oh oh so good yeah that is very good yeah potatoes just dominate everything yeah i don't think i can't think of a single example of like a potato leading the race like of anything all grotten scallops any like sports couldn't think of one the High school sports teams What Yeah what was that It was like the potato of a high school Like the caramel High school women's

Swim team is that what you mean 27 state Championship North Carolina soccer row? Soccer. Might be the potato of women's soccer. No, because to be the potato, you have to go undefeated every year. Every once in a while, like.

Who was the high school football team in California that did that? John Losko? Was it De La Salle? It was De La Salle. De La Salle, likealle back in the day. They had all those quarterbacks. That's modern day. That was modern day.

I think De La Salle, I remember. They had like 100 game winning streak. That's all on Channel 1. Maria Menounos, Channel 1. Lisa Ling. Y'all didn't have Channel 1 in school? Hell yeah.

Anderson Cooper was on it. Lisa Ling started on my Channel 1 when I was coming up. Anderson Cooper is a Vanderbilt. I didn't realize that. We talk about that a lot. Kyle, you made the notable alumni page now. Well, that's bullshit. There you go.

No, I don't need it. All right. What did you just grab your phone to do? No, he needs a Hall of Fame. What What did you just grab your phone to do? No, he needs the Hall of Fame. What did you just immediately smack your phone to do? No, he needs the Hall of Fame. He needs the Hall of Fame.

He needs the Hall of Fame. Put on prints. Yeah, you know, he needs, we need to start like a campaign for Kyle to get the Hall of Fame. That's bullshit that you're not in the Hall of Fame. Wait, did you get added? You got something added to yours? Did I? Yeah, it looked like it.

Let's see. One half. That's undeniable. But Kyle doesn't have that. Thank you. That is. That's pretty funny. What's the other ad we got?

See if anyone wants to do it. No, Brandon, you do game time. All right, game time. The exclusive ticketing partner of Barstool Sports. It is football season. If you want to go to a game, they have cracked the code on how to get the right tickets at the right price late in the process. Created by fans for fans. Game time is a ticketing app that makes it easier than ever to score last minute deals on tickets to sports concerts and shows

they guarantee the lowest price uh they've gotten me into the garden to see uh new york rangers games before uh also went to a wwe event they always have the best tickets at the best price um again fall is here so any football game, college football, big tickets, pro football, big tickets, check out Game Time for it. Oh, the examples here are football season, Drake and 21 Savage, Morgan Wallen, Luke Combs, SZA? SZA. Okay. Baseball and the U.S. Open.

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Go to the website. Enter your email and redeem code YAK for $20 off your first purchase. Terms do apply for GameTime. Oh, man. What's SZA? What? Huh? Oh, wow.

Big ass? Is it SZA? Oh. She has a big ass. Did Megan Thee Stallion lose her ass? How do you lose an ass? She got shot. She got shot?

She got shot in the ass? She got her ass shot off? Tory Lanez shot her, but people are complaining that she doesn't have an ass anymore. I don't know who these people are. What's going on? Did her ass get shot off? I don't think her ass got shot off, but I don't know what happened. I gotta check out Scissor's ass.

Wait, yeah, let me see Scissor's ass, please. Wait, what happened to Scissor's ass? Pull up Scissor's ass, TJ. gotta check out Scissor's ass. Wait, yeah, let me see Scissor's ass, please. Wait, what happened to Scissor's ass? Pull up Scissor's ass, TJ. Nothing happened to Scissor's ass. I know, yes, something happened to Scissor's ass. What happened to Scissor's ass? She got work. She got work done.

Oh. Yeah, it's fine. It's not fair that you do figure or smaller. We do fake titties. A lift, a lift. I had a hard time figuring out what a fake titty looked like. Like, I'm the dumb asshole who's like, oh, those are real. Now they got fake asses?

Does it matter if the ass is fake, though? No, I'm just saying it's that I can't figure it all out. Yeah, yeah, okay. Like, people are like, oh, that's fake. That wasn't her ass. How come fake penises have never become a thing, really? That's a good question. Why can't we get fake cocks?

I don't need a big fake cock. Would you get one? Winning for cock transplant surgery? Probably not. Dick too big. Wait, that wasn't her ass, TJ. Yeah, that was her front. But you could tell.

I like my favorite ass is from the front. Yeah. Honestly, yeah. That is true. Your favorite ass is front ass front. Yeah. Honestly, yeah. That is true. My favorite ass is front ass. That's hotter than. You like front ass from the front. You like front ass more than back ass?

Yeah. So that's the perfect picture right there. You can tell it's there. Front ass. If you could see the ass from the front, that's a. That's true. That's a magnificent ass. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. SZA. And what does SZA do? Oh. Okay. There it is. But you can kind of tell.

Confirmed big ass. You can very much tell there. She's a singer? What are some of her songs? Would I know any? I feel very old right now. I had no idea. She's not too new or young.

How many followers does she have? 17.5. She's famous. Piece of cake moving. Shout out to them. It was a great job on my house. Shout out those guys. What happened to our girls?

What is that account? Tacos and Titties. Oh, yeah. Did they give up? Are they still doing it? Are they still doing it? Probably not. Oh, okay.

Yeah, that's a big ass. Oh. Were there two accounts, Kyle? Tacos and Titties. Was there also a Puppies one? Oh, that was a puppy one. That was the one that already took off. Tacos and titties was a fledgling

one. They started stealing pictures of tacos that weren't there. Yeah, right. I thought the titties were just taking them from Instagram models. I always wear this little hippie pack that I wear cross-body, and you guys got me paranoid about it ever since you showed me

the seatbelt and titties account. I'm like, body and you guys got me paranoid about it ever since you showed me the seatbelt and titties account. I'm like, oh, they're too far apart. Gotta go around. Have y'all started gathering fellas for Friday? Oh, I have one. I have a fella too. I have a new fella. My DMs are almost annoyingly full of fellas. Did you guys see Tony P's Sunday

fit? Oh my god. Can you pull up Tony P's Sunday fit? He was ready for football i actually am shocked that he didn't get signed by a team with some of the moves that he showed yeah i have a fella i have a new fella that rocks it's tony p my sunday football fit oh yeah he can't he has to be aware yeah look at this oh oh oh

wait escape the pressure in my jeans oh he's aware I don't know escape the pressure in my jeans

shake it big oh avoid some tacklers yeah set things up is that a football saying go deep mix it up in the shotgun it's always hard the pressure in my jeans. Bang. Shake it big. Oh. Avoid some tacklers. Set things up. Is that a football saying? Go deep.

Mix it up in the shotgun. Oh, it's hard. Wait. Let's go. He admitted me of excellent. I'm going to say self-aware. But four rolls for Tom. Is he not going anywhere? He's just doing this?

Yeah, no. He's just... That was just him getting ready. It was his birthday, too. Now he's a 25-year-old. Oh, geez. Oh, man. Okay.

Okay. Well... Come on, Teej. TJ. That's an awesome guy. Come on, Teej. TJ, there's Snickers ice cream bars in the fridge. Yeah, for PMT, we have a deal with Snickers.

One won't hurt. Is that where they came from? Those are the best. They're my favorite treat in the world. I took two boxes home. Are you going to have one? No. TJ, you want one right now?

They're the goaded quick ice cream. It hits just so good. So good. They were the best summer pool day. Like at the public pool, the concession stands. Yes. Getting out of the pool and get one of those. Yes. Because there's no mess.

So good. Shout out Snickers. Great sponsor. You can never have just one. Like I always end up eating like five of them. I think I ate four yesterday while we were watching football. I could eat infinite. Never went outside.

Yesterday looked like a beautiful day. Yeah, it was. Didn't go outside. A little depressed. I was not prepared for this weekend as a football consumer to just park my ass on the cat. Like, it was week one for my body. Yeah, oh, yeah. Like, holy shit.

I woke up this morning feeling, like, absolutely garbage. Yes, I've said it. my body yeah oh yeah like i holy i woke up this morning feeling like absolute garbage yes i've said it's it's and i know that people think that it's a joke but like i think it's harder to watch two full days of football than play in a single game i really do i really do it's more taxing on the body did you see the laziest competition no it's um it's going on like five plus days now you have to it's everyone in the shack has to stay laid down what they can use their phone their laptop but we see this oh no this rules who's running it is it mr beast thing no it sounds like a mr beast thing the laziest i don't think I would enjoy that.

No, you would definitely get restless. What's the bathroom protocol? You of all people because you like to just move around and be anxious. I do. I like to pace. I'm a pacer. Rick Smith. That's your pacer? He's a pretty good pacer. Yeah, that's a pretty good pacer to come up with off the dome. You don't go Reggie Miller first?

Nah, I'm going Danny Granger. Lazy Citizen Contest. 20 days. Oh, wow. 20 days? Yeah, they're breaking records. What do you win? This is only $1,000.

Oh, my God. Just $1,000? Those aren't even full mattresses. Those don't even look comfortable. That sucks. 20 straight days? Oh, those guys are cool. Those guys are damn good. That's just me and Dana Pierce.

Yellow's gonna... Those guys are going anywhere. I want... Is there a live stream of this? Quitting this has to be... Is there one winner or is it if everybody lasts a certain amount of time? It's whoever... The previous world record was five days, and they all smashed it.

A thousand bucks. Wait, look at that picture. I got to go do something? Look at that picture. That dude on the right is going to win. Yes. That dude. He's got the perfect body for it.

He's boring. He's completely unbothered. When does your 10-minute... Every eight hours. That's bad, yeah. When does your body start to fully atrophy? It's got to be a couple weeks. Does your back hurt?

Don't you get sore? Yeah, you get sore. How do they eat? How do they bring them food? They do provide them with food, I think. You asked how they eat. Eat, read, use cell phones. They bring them food? They do provide them with food, I think. Damn. You ask how they eat? Eat, read, read, use cell phones.

Is there a live stream of this? I don't even know what country. That guy's my one-one. He is just, he's got the perfect, yeah, the laptop on the dick, the phone in front on his belly. He's just built for this. The competition began 12 years ago to poke fun at the myth that montenegrins are lazy oh well good job i never knew that yeah everyone's talking well now i think they're lazy

they train for this all year is that was that thing, that Montenegro? Everyone's like, crazy? I don't know. Trace back to cultural references, such a Montenegro commandments, a humorous list of unofficial commandments. They're often sold as souvenirs that hyperbolizes the Montenegrin lifestyle of leisure and relaxation. Where's Montenegro, Kyle? Yeah. The Balkans. The tropical looking?

Oh, the Balkans? Yeah. Like the cold place? Maybe the Baltics is what you're thinking? Okay. I thought the same thing. Okay. The Balkans I feel like overcast.

I'm thinking Eastern Europe when you say Balkans. Yeah. It is. Balkans is Eastern Europe, but it's- Yeah. It's set toward the Mediterranean. Is Montenegro nice? It's beautiful and it has some nice air.

Serbia and Montenegro. Yeah, that's right. That's like if you ever say KB or Nick without KB and Nick. Plum. Serbia and Montenegro. Is that who Cerunas Marcellonis played for? I feel like you know this. Serbia and Montenegro. I think that's Vlade Divac.

Yes. Oh. Yes. What happened? Did they split? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Serbian Montenegro?

Good 30 for 30. Yeah, that was the 30 for 30. 30 for 30. How about their split? I think they're going to Bosnia, right? Were they like... Oh, Bosnia-Herzegovina. They're still together.

They are? Yep. And Serbia and Montenegro are out? Yeah. I wonder what happened. Huh. Is Trinidad and Tobago still together? Yeah, they'll never break up.

They'll never break up. Soulmates. They're like Chrissy Teigen and John Legend. Right. That will never break up. They're perfect for you. Is there a good city in the U.S. that has and in the title? City?

Yeah. There's countries that have and. Oh. Oh. I can't even think of any. I can't either. I just asked it as an open-ended question. Put-in-Bay, which does not answer the question.

Minneapolis and St. Paul? Oh,bay, which does not answer the question. Minneapolis and St. Paul? Oh, yeah. I know, but it's... Those are two separate cities. No, but you hear them together. You can't say two cities with an N. They're the twin cities. No, but yeah, you hear them together all the time.

Truth or consequence. Yes. There's a couple by the seas. Yeah. Yeah. There's got to be an and in there somewhere. I know. Yeah, there's got to be an and in there somewhere. I know. Yeah, there's got to be an and.

How does that happen? Probably as two cities merging, and then they're like, we're just going to call them. They just link up, and they're like, we're better together. They take a vote on what they call the new city, and it's just. Like Eagles and Pawnee. Yeah, split down the middle, and they're like, all right, well. How do you decide who goes first? I think the bigger name goes first.

Like, whoever is, like, going to carry, like, the. I was saying Trinidad is bigger and more prestigious than Tobago. Yeah, like, usually. What's mostly sports? If you're the second name, you're usually more of, like, the piece of shit, like, hanger on. Right. And the first name is more of, like, the star, like, the reason people care about. What's mostly sports?

What if they don't say your name? What if it's like a name and co? Oh, yeah. What does that mean for the co? Not good for the co. That's right. Not good for the co. I hate that. It bothers me so much.

I think it's funny. I don't know who came up with that. We are the co. I think the co changes so much. Yeah, but it should just be the yak with co. I like the yak and co. I like the yak with co. Yeah, with co.

Because it is the true nature of the show. It's just the co. I was thinking for Friday, can we do a fella bracket and we all bring like three fellas and anonymously vote? Yes. We need a fella bracket. Or should we wait to compile more fellas? We build up to the bracket? I think maybe we do fellow Fridays and we do a bracket and then we –

Okay, each Friday one fella advance advances to the end of the year. We have the best fellas and that's when we invite them out. Yeah. Oh my God. Fella Fest. I'll pay for all the fellas to come out. Fella Fest rule. We would find out very quickly that we

didn't like any of them. What? Coach fella. Coach fella. Right there in the name. fella yeah how quickly do you think we'd be like oh fuck this was a mistake they're all so weird so weird i think if i had to guess a vote on a winner for the other friday it was zeke sanchez Yeah. I'd agree with that. Is that the diver? Yeah. And the name is so important.

Zeke Sanchez. Perfect. Starts with a Z, ends with a Z. Oh, wow. You know who's a good fella? It's Roll Tide Willie. You don't think he was a fella? He's an internet kind of weirdo. We're not doing internet weirdos. We're doing fellas. Yeah, but they're

kind of synonymous. They're related. Does a fella have to be a guy? Check it. Just check it. It can be a girl with guy tendencies. I promise you she will never win. Bring a girl. Let's see how bad she loses.

You brought a gal to a fella fest? Okay. Coach fella's going to rule. We've got to camp out with them. Yeah. I can see not us having so much a problem with them, maybe, but them immediately, several of the fellas having problems with each other. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God.

None of the fellas know who we are. Right. So there's no guarantee they would like us. True. So they might clash with us. That would be fine. But fella energy is a different, we're not fellas. Well, they're all competitors in the fella market.

Right, yes. Are we not fellas? Steven Scott. We might be someone else's fella. Yeah, it's definitely someone else's fellow yeah look at that face yeah you might be a fellow yeah you might be a fellow yeah so there are people who are sharing steven chase clips being like can you fucking believe this guy every fella is shared with the caption i love this dude because like a fella you also a fellow really is a fella when you have to ask yourself like are they doing a bit or yep and that is stephen shay's entire life

rolled into one and the answer is no it's crazy people still think that you are doing a bit in any way when was the last have you ever tried to like i'm gonna plan that i'm gonna say this act like this in order to get a reaction to see what happens have you ever done that and act like no no it's just not it's not who he is i built into it even to it yeah okay it doesn't work Your brain doesn't work like that. You've never like pre-written or written comedy for yourself? I did stand up once. What?

Eight years ago, maybe. What? Maybe even longer than that. What? Twelve years ago. We haven't discovered this, have we? I've said this before. I did an open mic once.

A very long time ago. And what did you... Can you tell us what your... Maybe like six or seven. What was your material about? Can we get you to go back up? Yeah, I mean, I'm not afraid of it. I wrote jokes for a long time.

What was your lead joke? I don't remember. Is it football? No, I did have it memorized. Did you just hold up that magazine that you laughed at really hard? Drew Bennett. No, I didn't remember. Is he football? No, I did have it memorized. Did you just hold up that magazine that you laughed at really hard? Drew Bennett? No, I didn't. Man, that was probably the last thing I memorized.

Great as he is now. 15 years ago, Che, he sounds like a motherfucker. Oh, yeah. I wore a shirt that said pants. Oh, my God. You didn't even have to do any jokes you stood up there yeah

the letterman's company is like holding company worldwide pants so yeah you said pants but it was a shirt wild card that is you popped up on stage and they were like this guy is going to be fucking good yeah does he realize that was a shirt. Wild card. Damn. Wow. That is. You popped up on stage and they were like, this guy's going to be fucking good.

Yeah. Did you realize that's a shirt? Wait, that's what you wore to the open mic? Yeah, it was like. It's always. It was very easy. It was like a friend was hosting like a, like kind of a similar. It's like the dollar slice thing.

It was probably in front of 30 people maybe. What? You got to tell us what one of the, you remember one of the jokes. What did you touch on? Sports? No. Sex? Dating?

That's all you have. Politics? Issues? No, something about racism and guess who. Whoa. All those, like, racist questions. Okay. Like, veiled.

That's kind of funny. That's pretty good. That's a good premise. Potential, yeah. Yeah. I, I don't remember this stuff I remember yeah I don't want to get but it's yeah I could do something

in the near future I have to write a lot yeah he's gonna do something yes yeah I'm fine with that Superbowl open mic yeah I'd'm fine with that. Super Bowl? Open mic? Yeah, I'd be fine with that. What do you got going on?

I need you to go up again. Something's sticking out again. It's fine. I just got to get a book and start writing. But yeah, I don't write anything that I talk about on here. I guess on the prep sheet. Yeah, how do you... Talk about your prep sheet. I don't know. Do you put it on every year that september is september 11th what does that date mean to you is that too much to ask i just feel like it's what's tommy walker doing today when i

met him he asked me if i remembered september 11th he did he asked you that yeah he just he just asked me if i remembered i wasn't sure what was going on, and I was like, yeah. He just wants to know, man. So what's the time he born? 2010? Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah, so you're going to go home, and he's going to be watching a bunch of YouTube.

He probably will. I've seen him watching it before. Have thoughts on Building 7. The other day, me and my wife, we didn't fight, but we were just kind of raised our voices a little bit. Uh-oh. Ooh. And Tommy walks through as we're talking to each other and says,

you two are crazy. Keep walking. Did it break the fight? It just broke it entirely. Oh, that's great good for him it's broken entirely and it wasn't a fight

it was just like the reason I'm saying this this loud I didn't hear you and okay well you don't have to and it was one of them yeah when you raise your voice like that

I always do feel like you you're agitated yeah well I look agitated often I got to hang out with Brandon's mom this weekend. She's the best. That's right. The best.

The best. Yeah, she told me. She asked me when to get there, and I said 2 o'clock. She got there at 1.15 and just hung out with Dave for 45 minutes. That's great. FaceTime with the boss. Good for her. Yeah, she had fun.

She had a good time. She's an Alabama fan. Yeah. Told had fun. She had a good time. She's an Alabama fan. Yeah, told me that. Alabama stinks now. What are you guys leading with with Mostly Sports tomorrow? Probably whatever happens tonight, maybe. We've done two test shows

and after today's test show Brandon's one note was that and this is verbatim what he said, I think it needs to be sillier. Use the word sillier. Sillier, yeah. Can you expand on that?

What is silly in your... I think it could have been a little sillier. I think we've hit a bump in the road with the conceptualizing of what the show is. No, I think we were talking straight sports today, mostly. We had a couple little things, but I think the silliness could have been ramped up a little bit. I think we could have done some goofy stuff, some fun stuff. Silly.

Like one of those flowers that you can smell when it sprays water. Yeah, that's what I thought. Right? Funny as fuck. So tomorrow morning when we debut, Brandon's just going to be like, Titus, pull my finger. I would laugh. Would that not be awesome?

I would laugh. You know what you should do? Yeah. You know what you should know Yeah, you should do you should wear shirts his pants on it That'd be really fun already for me that's a fear that might get banned from YouTube These guys a fucking liar I need Steven Chay to go back up we gotta have you go yeah, I'm Steven or just do it on the show I It's gonna take a while but yeah, like Super Bowl was like take your time take your time Gotta have you go wake up, Steven. Or just do it on the show. It's going to take a while, but yeah. Take your time.

Take your time. Take your time. I'm looking for a photo. We can go for another 15 minutes. Are you looking it up right now? I'm looking for a photo because I think there is a photo of it. Of you wearing pants? Of me in the shirt, yes.

Oh, you were wearing pants, right? I was, yes. Okay. As I usually do as i usually do such shirt that got confusing yeah for a second there they have the naked stand-up shows oh it's all poster for one here yeah new york city has one i think i've seen the posters for one here but it's a totally naked the comedians go up like completely nude that would suck so bad my dick would look so tiny. Oh, my God. What are you laughing about? I found the picture.

You found the picture? Yeah, send it. Send it to TJ. It's over. What? Very excited about this. Yes. I wish we had video.

God damn. A little embarrassed how excited i am tj let out a little laugh 2013 so 10 years ago 10 years ago oh man this is so how old were you where were you at in life? Living in the city. Living with my ex-girlfriend, I guess now. And I was, I don't know, I was trying to figure out what I was passionate about and what I wanted to really do. You guys were living together? Yeah. What happened with the breakup? That could mean anything

what does do split up what was the emotion you did they're kind of like the Joey Gladstone cut uh cut it out what was it what was the reason that was it football related no no she's pretty supportive of football. As if you play. She was supportive of my career in football. She was a good person. We had some philosophical differences. Oh.

Was she racist? No. She was actually also Asian. Oh. All right. You don't have to. Yeah. You don't have to. Yeah. You don't have to answer everything.

But we'd like you to. Was the open mic like a comedy club or was it? No, is that a friend's? Oh my God. You're even doing

the funny guy pose. What's happening? That's awesome. Yeah. I am super hammered at this point. A friend that we worked with uh had an apartment in union square that was like one of these like you take the elevator up and it's like

10 dudes that live there and he one of the guys was like a comedy club promoter and just hosted a thing there and there were maybe like 25 30 people there and i think like maybe half a dozen people, eight people, went up and did a couple minutes. That's it. I can't tell if you look more or less Asian. It's so tough.

He looks cool. Yeah, you're a handsome guy. Handsome. Thank you. You are a handsome guy, Steven. Has that ever gotten you like in trouble wow oh why uh what got me in trouble like oh this is actually a burden being handsome yeah got four women in trouble oh damn why j4 Oh, damn. Why? J4. Because they can't win them. What was the trouble they got in?

They had sex with each other. Worst trouble you could be in. Were you a boy? Were you a little boy? That's my penis. Wait, you call your penis a little trouble? A little trouble on big china all right should we spin the wheel tj I'll buy a gun.

It's surprising every time I see it. It's exciting. Uh-oh. Or a really good feeling. Go, go, go, go. Close. Will that person have to just leave the show now and go buy a gun, or is it a process that... I don't know.

How are we going to get it started? What happens to, like, I've never even looked into buying a gun do you get like okay but do you do like background tracks right and all that shit or no yeah but I think you can get it like next day what it's like though people always say you can go to Walmart and just leave with a gun yeah I don't know if that's true it's not not. I don't know. Does it do anything to your future if you were to buy a gun

or you like on some sort of list or like can you not buy a gun later in life? Can you? Yeah. A person only has limited number of guns.

I don't know. I guess it probably does depend state to state. I don't know. I don't know. Yeah. It would be sick to have one person should be

a gun owner. You don't care in Chicago. No, I don't think so. You have multiple guns? Yeah. What kinds? Shotguns, rifles, pistols. Hell yeah.

Strapped. Didn't you also say you shot a rabbit and you could never shoot anything else again? No, it was actually a snake. Oh, your Uncle Doug too? Yeah, my Uncle Doug took me hunting. Are you Kate's dad? But does snake hunt? We were just going out and shooting.

He had a.22 rifle and he was just teaching me how to shoot it. Well, not teaching me. We were just going out and shooting stuff. And we saw a snake in the ditch that went along the creek and I shot like five times and missed and I finally hit it and I didn't like the way it reacted. Dying? You didn't like... Right, I couldn't like the way it reacted. Dying?

Yeah. You didn't like, you're like. Right. I couldn't. I wish you had died easier. My family all hunts and everything. I can't, I can't hunt. I can only fish. Snakes have nothing to flail.

So it's probably awkward. It was, yeah, it was, it was. Going crazy. Yeah, but snakes suck. Yeah. I'm all for it. Everyone should be. But I can't, like, I can should be. I can't kill spiders.

I take tissue, grab a spider, and take him outside and put him in the yard. Are you serious? Yeah. Even the tiny ones? Yeah. What about an ant? The only animal I really can kill is a mosquito. Because if I don't, then that's.

So you have like 100 ants in your house. You just like shuffle them out? You ask them nicely? All right, guys. You know, flicker the lights. Like, last call. dance in your house you just like shuffle them out you ask them nicely all right guys you know flicker the lights like last call have somebody come spray them and kill them they'll kill them but i i i don't do it i feel guilty for setting mouse traps oh i think have any of you been like shooting or like yeah yeah i've been shooting that's really fun very fun it's like really really fun terrible shooting a gun is it's. And it makes you feel manly.

Yeah. Shooting a gun is a great feeling. Just, I don't want to hit anything. No. Yeah. I'm excited for one of us to have one. Yeah. We can all fiddle with it.

It's going to happen. It's going to happen. All right, we got anything else? That's about it. Great yak, everyone. Good. Was that a Monday? That was a Monday.

That was a good Monday. Good time. As always, Sundays to Mondays in the fall. I'm, like, sleepwalking. Yeah. We'll get it there, though. And Steven, oh, I don't want to look at him. What?

The Bears having to play the Bucs week two is just... Get it over with, though. Yeah, but it's just... Put it in the rear view. You'll be fine. There's no way that I have an enjoyable, unless the Bears, like, kill them, enjoyable experience.

If they win at all, you have an enjoyable experience. What? Win your bets. Yeah. Che unveiled a new way to say a player name yesterday. Yeah. You want to give it to us? Yeah.

I don't even know what you're talking about. Your quarterback. Oh, that wasn't it. That's not a thing. That's not a new one? That's not going to be a thing? What did you say? He just did something.

I was like, pick up. Yeah. Yeah, that's not. That was more. That was much more of a. Pick up. Pick up. Yeah.

I kind of like it. It stopped us dead in our tracks. All right. We'll see everyone tomorrow. Good yak. Tune in to Mostly Sports tomorrow morning. Subscribe, please. 9 a.m. Central.

9 a.m. Central, 10 a.m. Eastern. Hey. Central? 9 a.m. Central, 10 a.m. Eastern. See you.