The Yak - Cold Opens, Hot F*cks, Behind The Scenes With Chad Kroeger, And Snake Vents

Episode Date: November 20, 2020

Hold that nut Chad, we're gonna be here all night...You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. is right they thought they thought you were having you had a sled on your head yeah that is a toboggan that was you didn't even wear the sled on your head yesterday no i would have or call that a sled i call that a sleigh sled head slaying pussy i'm gonna ski down their curves someone who thinks like pussies have curves like they're windy like i love the windy curves of her pussy like lombard street in san francisco you never know what's around the next turn they built lombard that the architect built it after his favorite pussy yeah no like what what is the uh frank lloyd right flank frank lloyd right well he's all corners and angles though yeah but

he he puts the the furniture is always attached to the wall you would fuck with flank frank right the pussies he fucked with were like you know who that is the architect yeah no well i would steven steve would love falling water he'd want to live there it's a house built over a waterfall it seems some shit steve would like it is It is cool. He has some of the most iconic architecture. Home architecture. Yeah, but he did buildings too, didn't he? Not just homes. Yeah.

My home is a... All right. Falling Waters in upstate New York. Is that where that is? Western PA. Is it? Okay. Yeah.

Can you guys talk while I eat because my fuck's getting cold. Nick, finish your fuck. I'm going to go ahead and finish this fuck before it gets cold. You know how I hate a cold fuck. You've never liked a cold fuck. You would always put up a fuss. Granted,

no one wants a cold fuck. And I hate when people say like oh it tastes the same yeah that is not yeah everyone prefers a hot fuck or at least a warm one warm at least if it's if it's room temp it might as well be cold yeah and microwave fuck isn't the same either what and a soggy fuck the worst it's an acquired taste but we did talk about uh when when everybody goes to a restaurant and orders a fuck and uh it takes too long to get to you are we just doing the show now yeah this is i thought we were did steve clap i didn't but we also didn't intro the show all right that's that's the intro we just talking. That's what they call in the business a cold open.

That was a cold open. Speaking of... Oh my god, this open... It's cold. No, it doesn't taste bad, but I would just prefer this open to be hot open. At least warm.

At least. I don't really ask for much other than a reasonably temperature open. And a fuck. Yes. Hot fuck. Hot open. But yeah, no, this is fine.

No, this is okay. No, this is okay. No, it's fine. I mean, I know this is our special place. And we don't come here very often. But no, it's fine. Yeah, pretty much just once a year, like a holiday, like a major holiday. I'll look forward to it next year. It's not a big deal.

I didn't even really want to go this year anyway. I love introducing the bit by doing the bit. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're smart. All right. Well, you know, no, let's go into the depths and the intricacies of this bit, Brandon. Let's let's go into the real advanced highbrow humor of a cold fuck bit.

Yeah, let's do that. No, I'm just saying we're introducing something that happened on the show by doing what happened on the show. Yeah, let's get to it. There it is. Welcome back to 95.7. Fuck FM. Welcome to the fuck back. That'll give you the fuck with a side of the fuck and nothing but the fuck.

Nothing but the fucking fuck. How does this sound? An all-you-can-fuck buffet in radio form. All right, so let's dive into these high school football playoffs. sigh of the fucking cup filled to the fucking brim with the fuck and nothing more but the fuck it's fuck fm it's not well this fuck seems a little cold huh honey i don't i hate you know me i hate complaining but this fuck is cold where did you get this fuck this time should we send it back it's not that no no it's fine i'll eat it um no i don't get me wrong but it tell me it's not tell me this fuck is not cold i wasn't even that hungry anyway

so like we'll just get it to go and we'll heat it up at home this is like one of the top rated restaurants in our area just like i expected a hot fuck i expected a hot plate of fuck in this well it's not freezing cold it's just do you want me to say something i'll say something right now no no no no no if anyone's gonna say something about it it it's going to be me. No, no. I will say something. I just... I can grab him right now. No, no, no. He's been nice.

I can do this. I can do this myself. Excuse me, sir. Nick, sir. Do you want me to... No, no. Go ahead. His fuck is just... I hate to do this. We love coming here. We come here every weekend. do you want me to no no no go ahead his fuck is just I hate to do this

we love coming here we come here every weekend but how's your fuck my fuck's definitely cold but how's your fuck mine is fine mine is fine but I want you to enjoy your fuck I'm sorry I'm very sorry about her

um if you could send it back heat it up a little bit Sir, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm very sorry about her. If you could send it back, heat it up a little bit. Listen, he loves this place. Don't. My fuck is perfect. Hasn't changed. And that's four minutes all right so once we got the hot and the cold fuck settled did we get the hot and the cold fuck settled i i don't think i think there's more what's up for debate we want a hot fuck

yeah there is nothing to debate yeah well you guys are on the same side now but go out to get a fuck we want it to be odd we're still doing it so that was from our friday show but that wasn't the only matter at hand for the friday show because i learned something about our dear precious owen owen had hosted a show with me another show and i asked him steven censor that out i asked him about something and he just volunteered the information that uh rock star by nickelback led to his first erection in life now please say the music video the video it was a lip-syncing music video oh you're talking about oh i was being serious oh no go ahead. It was the three. The play.

The playmates. Holly. Bridget. And Kendra. Kendra. Oh, there is a wide receiver. Hank. Basket.

Thank you. Thank you, Jay. You had that very quick. Stephen Jay. Kendra basket. Oh, I didn't know. Were they the three that were in with with Hefner? Yes.

Those are the three. We're also in the Weezer music video or now Beverly Hills. Oh, OK. Maybe I'm confusing it. Me. No, no. Beverly Hills was like a bunch of them. Well, the difference between Weezer and Nickelback is there's one major difference.

Chad Kroger, lead singer of Nickelback, busts a nut when he sings Rockstar. Ton of cum under the giant belt buckle he's wearing. And he has to do it every time he sings a song. Because when they recorded the original. It's the only way that vocal range can be accomplished. You would think, though, that the lead singer of Weezer would be the one that comes. Rivers Cuomo. You think he comes?

No, it's just Rivers Cuomo. It think he comes? Well, no. It's just Rivers Cuomo. It's just when I come, it wheezes. So I just figured that's what it meant. No, no, no. Rivers is asexual. His cum is the most valuable substance in the world. Yes, it is. How much is it worth a gallon?

I think it's $1.2 million per gallon of asexual cum. Some Cuomo cum? That'll be the currency of the future. But we recreated the recording process of Rockstar on Friday's Yak. Let's listen to that again.

So what do we think about Owen's first erections? The one makes sense because the mother is gorgeous. Stacey's mom. Put together. Yes. Undefeated.

She is undefeated. She's fucking stacked in the tit region. Two and O. And we all just want to be big. Yeah, that'll do it. I can see that doing it. Yeah, that would do it. Chad Kroger.

It sounds like a moment. It sounds like a moment. Chad Kroger was coming. He's coming. People don't know that. People don't know that. Chad. People think it's autotune.

Chad was amidst an orgasm. Coming is the original autotune. When he recorded Rockstar. And they were like, it's not quite there, but we need you to keep coming while we record this again. So he had to keep. He almost died. Every time they tried to record a final track. He had to come.

He was hooked up to an IV. The final track. He had to come. He was hooked up to an IV. The final track. Chad Kroger cannot perform at his Winnipeg show. Well, he can. Just 18 plus. I think that's the reason Avril

Levine left him. He would only bust when he was singing his own song. Well, it's complicated. No, no, Nick. We can work with that. So, you know, the original recording of Rockstar was actually 15 minutes long. Really?

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That's GetRoman.com slash yak. Let's get into your Congolese impression. Oh, yes. Okay. The Cameroonian. What was it? It was supposed to be. I mean, there's no.

I say JPP when the Bucks edge rusher, Jason Pierre-Paul, makes a good play. Like a sack or a fumble interception, whatever. And yeah, he made some good plays. A lot of people hate the impression. I'll do it as soon as he makes a big play. Yeah, it's my trademark. You don't have a choice. It just comes out.

Big Cat asked. He tweeted at me to do the JPP tweet as soon as it happened. So I pulled a little remix. He got an Interception this week. So the first thing that came to my head, JPP, three letters. That's what I always say. Interception. And then also three letters. So why what I always say. Interception.

Also three letters. So why not put them together in a little bit of a remix and it didn't go over so great. I don't like people assigning it to an ethnicity. I don't think that's fair. I think we should assign it to a profession. So I don't know, like safari tour guide maybe? Maybe pirate off a certain continent? Yeah, yeah. Maybe you're stealing Tom Hanks' boat.

I mean, he's a buccaneer. So technically the pirate is correct. I think it's fine. I think the hard tea is what rubbed people the wrong way. Yeah, I mean. And it was a dramatically hard tea, too. Yeah, the hard tea. It was hard with extra hard.

Straight from a diamond mine, hard. You want to hear it again? I don't. I don't, but people, I think for posterity in the history, people probably need to. Yeah, I guess so. All right, let's get into the clip. Steven, cursed image, JPP, INT. Do I like that?

No. Uh-uh. No, no, no. A little spinoff. Can you play it, Colby? Yeah, play it. Please. I should.

I'm going to pop my headphone. Borderline racist. Oh, definitely. It was a racist caricature. It was a racist caricature. Yes. That's how I say JPP. Right. borderline racist oh it was definitely it was a racist caricature it was a racist caricature yes so that's how I say JPP no

right but then the I you sound let's just listen to what you sound like yeah I don't like where this is going at all I didn't like listening to it we are subjected to your racism I'm on a fucking t-shirt with you

we could all go down yeah we're just smiling J P P I N T I N T you sound We're just smiling. J-P-P-I-N-T.

I-N-T is... You sound like a Kenyan man. Yeah, I was going to say gone-in, but it was... Somewhere. Do it again. Play it again. J-P-P-I-N-T. Oh, man.

Oh, man. That went on any longer. Ansel's shit. He'd have. I don't want any more. He'd have a gone in 60 seconds. It would be fucking terrible. That was Tom Hanks' son's name? Chet. Chet Hayes.

Chet Hayes. Chet Hayes. That's kind of the sub-Saharan version of it. Play it one more time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I-N-T-P-P-I-N-T. That is racist. Do you hear it, Steve? Can we get Zahn here?

Do you hear it, Steve? No, don't subject you to that. Do you hear it? I mean, it's how I say the name. I-N-T. There was no difference. It wasn't an impression of anything. J-P-P-I-N-T.

You sound like the brother from Garden State. The adopted brother from Garden State. Who is an African. He's African. Coincidentally. Coincidentally. Yeah, that's not familiar. Play it one more time.

Yeah. J-P-P-I-N-T. Yeah, that hit me me would you have said it any differently if you could redo it would you try it differently yeah try it i feel like i said j p p i n t yeah that sounded worse you're still doing it yeah that was actually that's how i say french say French African. And for those listening at home, Steven's wearing a dashiki right now. He's fully embraced it. Nancy Pelosi kneel. The kente claw.

That's how I've done the voice the whole time. So it's always been... Yeah. Talk in the JPP voice for the rest of the show. JPP? JPP voice for the rest of the show. J-P-P? Is that... That's the voice.

Yeah. Say Wakanda forever, though. Yeah, yeah. Say Wakanda forever in your JPP voice. Wakanda. Oh, my God. Don't do it. Oh, my God. Don't do it. Don't do it. wakanda oh my god don't do it don't do it

don't do it don't do it oh my god what is the accent what is the accent it's supposed to be like kind of french because of j it's not supposed to be kind of french it's supposed to be like kind of French. Because of J? It's not supposed to be kind of French.

It's supposed to be French. No, kind of French. Like African French. Francophone country. Which is kind of French. You guys are ruining a very innocent tradition I have. Oh, us? No way.

Yes. That's what Daniel Snyder said. You guys all made it unfair for me to have this name. People love the JPP tweet. Washington fans love their old mascot. Are you sure that's love? Yeah. Oh, a lot of people hate it.

Yeah. But a lot of people also love it. I would say the majority hate it. Steven emailed me, dear beloved friend. I need you to transfer. He needed to transfer so you could get the money. What was that about? Yeah, that was weird. I mean, you're my boy, so I did, but.

I was given a full-time job on Tuesday. Smooth intro right here. You said get right into it. Super thankful. This is my dream job. Couldn't be more excited. Ton of people to thank. Jack McCarthy helping me get my foot in the door.

The entire Yak crew for being so kind and making me feel at home. And everyone else in the office who's been super nice. Cool. Okay. All right. Yeah. You just thank everybody. Wait. Cool. Okay, alright. You just think everybody Wait, Owen, say what you just said again. Like, just the last part.

Just the last part. Everybody. No, I'm sorry, Owen, continue. Continue, man. Go ahead and do it. That's what I mean. These guys have been great. Yeah, so we can listen to that. So, Owen, who's got, yeah, I mean, you're... Are you saying that you guys own Owen?

He thinks he's infallible. I mean, maybe us calling him God. Yes, I dubbed him God. And I still think that. Should we kick him off the show? No. Should we fire him? No, Anus.

Should we kick him off Anus? That's your choice. Yeah. Should we get Gaz to fire him? We could get Gaz to fire him. Do you want to get Gaz to fire him? We could get Gaz to fire him. Do you want to get Gaz to fire him? Nah. I'd be nothing without him.

He's like, he's God. He's my muse. Yeah, he created the earth. So, yeah, I'll keep him around. Well, Owen. Yeah, I think I'll keep him around. Owen, do you have a meeting with Gaz today? No, I don't think so.

I think you do. How many meetings does Gaz have with these guys? I think you do too, Owen. I think you do. Do you know what's going to be said in that meeting? I'm not going to be fired. Probably. It's in that family.

Or are you going to go full-time December 1st? Well, it's the that family or are you gonna go full-time december 1st what's the opposite of getting fired i think that might be what's about to happen today that would be amazing i actually know that's what's gonna happen your options let's think about yeah maybe don't accept it actually when gaz offers this to you think about it a little hardball first of all congratulations yeah thank you i didn't know I had a meeting. Yeah, you do. But I think you should try to get more out of it. You should be like, hey,

offer rescinded. Why don't you sweeten the pot a little bit? Add a zero to that number. I think he needs Roan Cat in his ear. That would be nice. We could work something out for you. Yeah. What do you think we can get out of gas? I mean, you're on Anus, number 20 podcast in the comedy rankings right now.

Episode 213 is coming out Friday, Thursday. 213 coming out Friday. One of the longest running shows. You're on the Yak. Yeah. One of the most powerful radio syndicates around. You're our equipment trainer for Prest, the Jenga team. Yeah. Equipment manager.

You're going to start Chow. I have the login for Bet the Horses. That's huge. Okay. Oh, you know what we do? Oh, fuck. Tack on another digit. Here's what we do, Owen.

That might be a comma. Yeah, if you're going to add some money to it, who's to say you won't accidentally tweet out a couple of horses from Hitler's army? Bet the horses. Oh, yeah. I'm going to tweet out some Nazi horses. I don't know if you remember this, but Jack told me when I started, he actually got in trouble. He tweeted a horse that died mid-race. Yeah.

And he tweeted all-time bad beat for insert horse name. Yeah, that was a dumb move by him. Nah. No. I think that's awesome. Yeah, that's fun. That's good. I mean, that's a horrendous beat.

It was a bad beat. He was like five tries ahead. I had to get it closer to my face. Brandon's been pansy as fuck on this mic. I had to get it closer to my face. You have a rolling chair. Let's get some WD-40 for Brandon. Let's just lube that thing up so it's not a problem anymore.

Good. So, Owen, what do you say? A little hardball with gas? Put his nuts on the table? Put your nuts on the table? See whose nuts are bigger? If you don't ask, you'll never know what you're worth. I'll probably offer to take less.

Yeah, that's probably a smart move. I mean, he did openly say that going to work was his favorite thing in the world. Yeah. Over friends and family and water. So, I mean. Here's the leverage. He does have the leverage a little bit. I had forgotten about friends and family.

He didn't put that on the list. I don't think they're things. What are they if they're not things? Everything's Owen's creation. They're just ideas? Beings? I don't know. Things aren't beings. Interesting way to look at life.

Okay, Owen. Oh, shit. My straw is way too low. Way too low. Yeah, style. Owen, I honestly thought that this was going to kind of be like an episode of Undercover Boss where he was going to tell you that you'd start crying. Maybe you just like emote, call your parents or something like that. Do something.

Be very excited. You just went in your phone twice right away after you heard the news. I wanted to see if I had an email. Yeah. Trying to lock that meeting in, huh? We are the email. Maybe just a little bit more. Maybe a little bit more. Maybe a little bit more juice. Just make it so we feel better. Hey Owen, you just got full time

on your dream job. Cool. Let me check my phone. Well, I don't know if it's official. I'm superstitious. I'd say yes. Big Cat just said it on the fucking radio. know if it's official. I'm superstitious. I'd say yes. Big Cat just said it on the fucking radio. All right, I believe you, and I'm very excited. Not! Get gazzed.

Get gazzed. Fucking idiot. Oh, my God. I cannot believe this. Wait, guys, guys. Who am I? Yeah, I'm excited. Bitch. You should have seen your face. Yeah. Oh, my God. No, you actually are full-time December 1st.

I don't know how to react. I mean, you are. It's the truth. Congratulations. I don't want to do this. What do you mean? I'll text Gaz and say Owen doesn't want to do it. No, I want to do this. What do you mean? I'll text Gaz and say Owen doesn't want to do it. No, I want to do this. I don't want to get Borat nodded

again. I will not Borat nod you. Alright, I'm very... I won't. But you are full-time December 1st. You're going to say psych. I have a third one for you, but only one more. That's the only other December 1st one for you, but only one more. That's the only other sitting in line.

December 1st, for real, you are full time. Couldn't be more excited. I could tell. Cap. Cap. Take his vaccine? Yeah. Oh, man, you should have seen your face.

Yes, wildest dreams come true. Brandon, buying a home isn't as scary as you think. A lot of people are scared of it, Stephen. A lot of people are scared of it. Owning a home is awesome and comes with a ton of perks. Cross-country mortgage is here to help you through the process. They are America's crazy good mortgage company. They make it easier for people to get financing and need to own a place of their own,

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Equal housing opportunity. Yes. Owen doesn't believe that he's going full time. He is going full time. I'm going to talk to him after he's done with the radio. If he accepts. You can talk to him now. I'm sure he's going to get some negotiation.

Yeah, he wants more money already. That's not true. Yeah, you said that. You did say that. I said I would take less money. You said you'd flop your nuts on the table. So let's hire him for free. You down?

I would need the New York State minimum. That is actually fair. You would need that nowadays. What a negotiator. Alright, the minimum. Perfect. So what's that, hourly? No, it's salary.

Yeah, I'd like to stop having to send in the time sheets. Yeah, you don't have to do that anymore. Do you want benefits? No, say no. Yeah. What? Greedy. Damn, dude, that's going to hurt.

No, that's going to hurt you. Because it's less than your salary. You're never going to go to the hospital. Yeah. You're God. You can't. How many benefits do you want? Yeah. Pick which ones. I don't know. What are they? Ear. ever going to go to the hospital yeah you're god you can't how many benefits do you want yeah

pick which ones i don't know what are they ear dentist dent mouth podiatry eyes you only get one penis what's your worst body part arm hair arm hair yeah arm hair yeah probably my arm hair okay we'll put that on between my We'll put that on there. Ensure that. Cosmetic surgery is allowed. Owen, have you felt the jealousy from the other people that came in, like around you, that they're not in your position? Yeah.

Who do we have to fire to get Owen full time? Yeah. How many people? Yes, Bill. Five? I thought it was just three. Do you need time off? No.

No vacation days. Okay. No time off? No. No vacation days. Okay. No time off. No mental health. Why don't you give Owen, how many vacation days do we usually give? I think it's two weeks. So we'll all take those. We'll take those off your hands.

I'll give you them up. Yeah, we'll each get two days. Is this the most successful negotiation? I'll allocate them. Okay, so allocate them. You have 10 days. I have four kids, Owen. Don't just point.

Nick gets one. I get three. Brandon gets three. He's counting to seven. Two, one, and then give you another one. Thank you. So KB is clearly his least favorite. Now you got one.

You're the only one you got one. One? You're the only one who got one. Fuck. Wait, but that's one. Yeah, that's 11. All right. Yeah. You going to take Kyle's away?

Take one away. Take Kyle's away. No. I want to go to Killington. Take it. Take Kyle's away. Just need two. Just give me two.

No, that's bullshit. Don't give him two. All right. Just need two. Just give me two. No, that's bullshit. Don't give him two. All right. Well, Owen, you are full time. Yeah, that's awesome. We will send over the offer shortly. Thank you very much. There we go.

All right. So snakes fuck. Sure do. I didn't know that. I guess I didn't. But there's guys out there. I never thought about it. There's guys out there whose job it is to make snakes fuck.

That's right. And then take what snake snake fucked the product of the fucking yeah and then i guess pass it on for future fucking in order for snakes to fuck there has to be a snake pussy and a snake cock right yeah this is where the lines get blurred yeah yeah um what do you think okay if you were to have a snake named after you would you rather the snake have a cock or a pussy a vent actually uh vent or no no no right now we're a cock or pussy okay if i'd have a snake named after me nick's not a good snake name. I can't even put myself in those shoes. Male snakes can't slither. It's like limping. I don't know that that's accurate

at all. How would they move if they have a cock? It would act like a rudder. You'd be able to track them for miles. You could hear them coming. It would be like dragging a surfboard on the ground just doesn't work it would be like nature's tiller so doug from wisconsin called and and tried to honor me by naming his new ball python an exquisitely rare ball python from what he said uh after me but then

he wanted to apologize because he found out that a snake that he thought had a penis had in fact had a vagina and the vent of the snake went in far enough to where you can tell it is in fact a vagina and not a penis oh I thought the vent was what it was called I think all snakes have a vent all snakes have a vent had houses

a snake cock or a snake pussy in a vent I don't know I was on your side steven i thought the vent was no it's like all snakes have the window but what's inside the room is really yeah okay well we can google it but we refuse i'd rather not no i'm never going to i just don't get a snake breeder having to buy a snake that's like us boys going to the cum store we can just make more i've never walked through those doors. I would refuse.

I've been twice. You had a coupon. In a disguise walking through the cum store. All their coupons are wadded up. It was a dirty Santa. Alright, so here's Doug the Snake Breeder. Rare call. Doug in Wisconsin says he owes Brandon an apology.

Hey, guys. So, Brandon, I just got a new snake, and I named it after. I named it BW, but then I probed it and realized it was a lady. So, I figured I owe you an apology because I'm not going to change the name. There it is. There it is. Thank you. That's exactly what I thought was going to happen with this call-out.

How did you probe it? You fucked your snake? He raped the snake. I had to put it in his pussy to find out it was a female. You raped Brandon Walker, the snake? Well, no. So I breed snakes, right? So I bought it thinking it was a male wait and unfortunately

how are you not how are you a snake breeder and you don't know the difference between male and female snakes well because well i bought it and then i double checked to make to make sure it was a male or a female why didn't you check before you bought it also hold on back up back up back up if you breed snakes why are you buying snakes can't you just before you bought it? Also, hold on. Back up, back up, back up. If you breed snakes, why are you buying snakes? Can't you just have your snakes fuck and then you just have a snake? The whole point of being a snake breeder is free snakes. Right. You literally have bottomless snakes in your house.

Well, okay, so the thing is, different styles of snakes bring different money, and I spent high dollar on this. You know what I mean? So it's like 50 or 60,000 is where all the money's at well i mean before this is a fifth snake so you know yeah wait what kind of snake are we talking uh ball pythons oh can those kill you no no no honestly they're so docile they're like hardly considered that's like a okay those are like pit bull owners like don't worry they're fine they're actually really loving is there any difference in the value of a male and a female snake did you get taken for a ride on this

uh i mean no because it's it's like actually a pretty exquisitely rare snake so i didn't really get taken for the value it's just rather than like so it just kind of throws off if i'll get matches of that snake or not. But it's fine. I just want you, I want to apologize because basically there's going to be a snake fucking you in the ass

for the rest of your life. Yeah. Wait, so are we sticking with B-Dub for the snake? That's also another gentleman that we know. Mm-hmm. I mean, it's a beautiful snake, Brandon.

Would you like to, would you, you have a moment right now. This is a very important decision. Yes, for now. You's a beautiful snake, Brandon. Would you like to, would you, you have a moment right now. This is a very important decision. Yes or no. You're a female snake. Would you like this snake to continue having the name Brandon Walker? Yes, I would.

No, no, no. You don't get to decide, Doug. This is Brandon's decision. I agree with Doug. Yes, I would. Yeah. Okay, so Doug, we're going to need a video of Brandon Walker the snake getting fucked. Getting bred.

Constantly getting fucked. How do you probe a snake? Yeah, I was curious about that. I think you run your two fingers around its belly and see if it goes in or if it sticks out. Really? Oh, my God. Is that right? Why do you think?

Well, so I actually have a probing set, which is like a little stick, and if it goes in far enough, you know it's a lady or a male. You put it in the vent. In a specific area of the snake? The vagina. In the vent, where everything comes out. Oh, wait. Do you only have one hole? Wait, hold on.

Snakes only have one hole? Yeah, everything's in one area. Damn, that's smart. When you probe them, can you tell if the snake's, like, slutty? Yeah. I mean, some of them are pretty promiscuous, I will say. Yeah, we don't slut shame on. No, we don't.

I kind of want to be a slutty snake. All right, so, yeah, can we get video of you probing Brandon Walker, the snake? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, the thing is, we're about two years off from breeding, but, like, I could definitely take a video of you probing Brandon Walker. Yeah, for sure. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, the thing is, we're about two years off from breeding, but I could definitely take a video of you probing, Brandon Walker. Me too, bro. Yeah, for sure. Yes.

Yeah. Yeah, I'd like that. Maybe write something funny on the probe. Yeah. Yeah. Sounds good, guys. Have a good one. Thank you.

All right. Thank you, Doug. Appreciate it. That is not what I thought. That's the first caller that ever hung up on us. I think Doug wanted to bail out minutes ago. And we're done. Yeah.

Well, when he said he was going to apologize, I was like, hey, Brandon, I called you a fat moron and you blocked me. I have a snake named after me. Oh, female. In Wisconsin. Fine. A mare. It's a snake. A heifer. Is that what it's called? A heifer? A sow.

Yeah, I think it's a heifer. She's got a real loose vent. You know what I'm saying. Vent check. Damn. Look at you. You made it. Chris Tucker's just crawling through the vent. It's a loose ass vent.

It's like Blue Streak. Fucking Martin Lawrence in the vent. Misconception. Width and density isn't correlated to promiscuity. They can only feel the first three inches. The tighter they are, the more they fuck. God, snake people are so weird. You think they shed their vent? Oh, yeah.

They can just get a fresh new one. They're the weirdest. I guess I should have asked him. Tarantulas might be whatever the, what is the name of the aquarium? See, I think. If you have a tarantula, no. I think those are just gateways to snakes. Like if you have an iguana, you're going to be a snake guy.

No, I think snakes. You just don't know it yet. Snakes shedding skin doesn't bother me, but a tarantula molting? Fuck molting. But dude, think about having a snake. There's no part of a tarantula that is cool or cute. Home Alone. I mean, I got you.

If it's used as a weapon? Check me. Yeah. What's wrong with space? As a pet? I never saw the movie. From what you hear. Wait a minute.

No, we saw you watch that. People are starting to believe this today. There was some guy who was like, dude, you've never seen Mrs. Doubtfire? What the fuck? People bought that. Yeah. And it was a good move by us. It got you.

The tarantula in Home Alone, I would say, has done more for the tarantula community than any snake has ever done for the snakes. I mean, think about Seth. Don't even bring in Seth. Okay. But think about him. Okay. You're always thinking about him. Yeah.

Doug said this is an exquisitely rare snake. The ball python. No, I think he meant the pattern. Ball pythons in general are quite common. Oh, so it's a different kind of ball python no it's it's the pattern yeah he was trying to gas you up okay i i'd like to see a picture of myself how do you know it's like with the horse you know that it's like uh well horse cock horse cock very fast or like you could tell how uh you know they do in a race or something like that how do. How can you tell you got a good snake?

Huh. It is just the look of it, right? I mean, who's buying snakes from breeders? It's like a baseball car. It's a mint-conditioned snake. Weirdos. So what is the benefit of having a snake? Like a good snake.

What's the benefit of having anything, really? I would say— But he breeds them for what? Sell them. The benefit— To flip them. He flips snakes. He's the benefit of having anything, really? I would say... But he breeds them for what? Sell them. The benefit... To flip them. He flips snakes. He's a snake flipper.

The benefit of having a snake would be that no one wants to be friends with you, so you're kind of left alone. Now, are they enclosed or do they let them run free in the house? I would hope enclosed. Doesn't, like, Dwight Howard own snakes or something? So many. And, uh... Oh, ew.

Mac Hollins, I think, owns snakes. Don't trust snake people. Dwight Howard has a farm. A snake farm? He has a real farm. Really? Snake farm could be a real farm. I mean, worm farm.

Where did you come up with that? I think that's true. That's all that matters. So confidently. I know when someone who shouldn't have a farm has a farm Dwight Howard

comes to mind like anybody else the most unique farm owners Aaron Rodgers he would have a farm it's more of a ranch though

Dwight Howard absolutely has a 700 acre farm yeah see Jay Cutler typical Dwight bullshit he does yeah he does you want to call it that what is the collective uh noun for a group of uh yaks probably just a yeah herd or i thought we agreed on yak tards yeah we did we we agreed on yak-tards. Yeah, we did. We agreed on yak-tards. That's what Caleb said.

Caleb wants yak-tards. He had that queued up. That was in the chamber. A group of yak. What's yeek? What is it? Yeek Zucker? It surely isn't just yaks.

It's got to be yuck. Or yeek. No, I don't know. Find out next week. Yeah. What the fuck will we get into next week? I was just looking at that. I was going to say that.

Yeah, because next week is going to be a different schedule. Oh, yeah. Yeah, because, I mean. What's the schedule? We're only going to have two days next week, right? We're going to have two days and we're going to do a best of the best of. So we're going to pull some shit. Yeah. Yeah. and we're gonna do a best of the best up so we're gonna pull some shit yeah yeah uh are we gonna say that now yeah yeah it'll basically just that we'll just replay this now for all you yak tards listening mouth agape drooling on your shirt fresh off of a pack of crayons ingesting that is we're probably asking what are these

motherfuckers gonna get into next week yeah let me fucking tell you yak as scheduled monday tuesday wednesday thursday friday we're out of here nah what are we doing well we're going to do a best of yak best of yak and that's going to be the best of the yak from yaks of yesteryear yeah and we're going to curate that um that's and then we're going to play that yeah we're going to doate that. And then we're going to play that. Yeah, we're going to do that. So you're talking about early for people traveling for Thanksgiving. So Thursday morning. Wednesday night or Thursday morning.

You're talking about pre-podcast, Jax. That's right. That would be a treat. Boys, I'm excited to reminisce with you. I said a bad word. Yeah.