The Yak - Coming Up With The Next Hit Show With Tom Segura | The Yak 6-15-22

Episode Date: June 15, 2022

fat idolYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Yo, what is that? Oh, those bird dogs? Yeah. That's Yak. By the way, did you guys see that Sass has been replaced? By whom? Oh, I didn't mean to replace him. I'm just hanging out, right?

Well, no, like when you're out, Sass will have your seat. Yeah, Sass has been replaced. Very funny, guys. Who's Roan with in Wisconsin right now? Oh, Tommy. Oh. That wasn't a replacing. I did not want to go.

Oh, interesting. That's how it starts. Guess who's u in this bitch. It would be funny if Roan just had like a really subtle grooming of younger people at this office storyline. Hasn't been subtle. Well, he got older with Tommy, but Tommy's also kind of younger.

I don't know. We gotta find some more fresh-faced boys. Tommy will be great on that. Yeah, we know. Also, Tommy's video's coming out today at 3. Oh, it's funny. Party? Oh, it's party? Yeah, that was hilarious.

Watch that. Have you guys seen it? No. I know it's funny, though. I don't want to see it. Can we watch it right now and cuck him? I would love to. I would love to cuck him.

It's going to be wildly uncomfortable. Yeah, I'm genuinely curious. Is there any preview? I mean, just take our word. We were all there. And it was wildly uncomfortable. Wildly. All right.

Like, we knew it was going to be uncomfortable going to it, but it was more uncomfortable than I could have imagined. Yeah. I'm excited. It's very funny. Tommy's the king of uncomfortable. He is. Intentionally and un.

Yes. By the way, KB, we found your future wife online last night. Nah, she's a woke scold Really? And again, like I said, it wasn't my family's original idea We got it from somebody, so it exists in the world Also, I never condoned it I was like 7 or 8, and I was gaslit into trying it And it wasn't bad, but I'm still very disgusted by the act of chewing up.

It is horribly disgusting. It's so disgusting. We're talking about the double ribs. I'm gagging thinking about it. Here it is, Allison Pill. Hama Nantama? Allison Pill. It's like Hannah Montana.

Play on Hannah Montana? Yeah. Hama Nantama. You don't know her profile. She's probably pissed that Barstool Sports is all up in her invention. Oh, yeah. Oh, shit. Oh.

Oh, she doesn't care. Oh, she's definitely not a woke scold. Why are all these... Oh. Sport Abbies. Start like, oh. Wait, what are the Sport Abbies? I'm scared.

She's scared. What, we're going to come to her house and chew up a Ritz and spit it on her other Ritz It's uh Look at all the sports happening Shout out to the dudes who like tried it and then came at me like You're disgusting You fucking fool I was seven years old and I don't even remember

If I even tried it or not It makes you think like what's the grossest thing we can come up with Oh I did And the Green Brothers did, too. And they're legends in wheeling. You know, Ronnie and Ronnell. Ronnie and Ronnell. They were all about it.

How do you spell Ronnell? No one comes at the Green Brothers. R-O-N-N-E-L-L. Green with an E at the end. MMA fighters. Yeah, good. Ronnie and Ronnell. And their dad, Ron Sr.

I remember we were in Parkersburg, West Virginia, and we were all trying it. And everyone was like, this is good. With the Rons. It's good, yeah. It's a diverse palette. They were black men, and they loved it. Still are.

Oh, they were. What? Who would have thought? Yeah, they are. Ronnie and Ron L. That's a good name for them. Show them some love. It is a good name.

Ron-El is a better name than Ronnie. I like Ron Senior. Ron Senior, he was in the corner at Rough and Rowdy. Really? I saw him. Big, jack, shorter guy. What skin color? Shorter than me.

He's black as well. He's black. Okay. Well, he was last time we saw him. Yeah. Ronald, you're not black anymore. Yeah. I don't like using the...

I figured. You know. Okay. We have something planned today, right? We're going to do these idol contestants? So these are excerpts. Katie Statz put this together. Where is this page?

She's been working months. She only gave it to me andpts. Katie Statz put this together. Where is this page? She's been working months. She only gave it to me and Che. Big two. Big two. I saw Che, by the way. The way I described it is the hit movie Jerry Maguire, when they're watching back the wedding, and Renee Zellweger sees Tom Cruise's face

and the grief he has about marrying this woman. That was my face all morning when Stephen Chay finally moved his desk down to the content floor. I am just. Where is he sitting at now? I'm just in like a perpetual like, what am I doing? What did I do? This guy is just looking at me. Have you heard him laughing?

He just been laughing a lot. So he came in this. He came in this morning. He tried to give us all, I think he saw Top Gun this weekend. He tried to give us all call tags. That's not true. He was like, yeah. He looked at Chuck. He looked at Chuck, and he's like, you're going to be Big Bird.

And I was like, what? What's he looking up? He looked, oh, no. What's he eating tutorial? What's he looking up? Oh, no. Pussy eating tutorial. Pussy getting tutorial. He said to Cody Lanza, he was like, you're going to be blonde boy. That works. Yep.

And then what did you say for Pat? Oh, you said just gay guy. And I was like, what are you doing, dude? Yeah, no, he did. He did. He said, wouldn't it be cool if we all had call tags? And he gave me a walkie-talkie. And even though we sit 20 feet away, he wants me to walkie-talkie him.

That would be cool. That would be cool, yeah. This is all a big mistake. If you don't see me here tomorrow, just know it's because of him. That's definitely not true. Because if we did call tags, Cody would be Cody Rhodey. Oh, jeez. It's like longer than his name.

Yeah. Way longer. That's not how a call tag works. Maverick is a long name. Not as long as Tom Cruise. What's his name in the movie? They just call him Mav. No, it's...

Maverick also sounds a lot cooler than Cody Rhodey. Maverick's way longer than Pete Wait what would our call If we just name a Barstow employee do you think you could think of a call tag Immediately Yes or no do it the reverse Give us the call tag we'll tell you the employee Oh Reverse engineering

Take a few minutes Take a few minutes Please do this I already know what mine is i already got mine dialed you could use us in the room as well anyone that we would like reasonably know don't do like 10 10 random people that we all know yeah i got my call tag what if we name yeah we're naming a call tag to him and he's naming who it would be no he's gonna give us the call tag we have to guess who the person oh okay yeah as always with any game on Yak, we have to make it more complicated. Of course, yeah.

Yeah, it can't be straightforward. Okay, and then we'll just pass over the fact that Stephen's never seen a dually in his life. Never seen a dually. Yeah, so that's literally every comment was like, that's a dually. Don't know what those are. Is that referring to the bolt on the back of the car or the fact that it has two back wheels on each side? I think it would be the wheels. It would be the wheels.

What is the purpose of that? It's hauling. Yeah. Extra torque. Extra weight in the back. And stability. Maybe dual wheel. Yeah.

It's hauling bigger things. You've never seen one of those? I believe that fully. I feel like I've seen it before, but the fact that I could... It was just like... This is way too many wheels. I thought it was going to be like seven wheels on each side. I mean...

It's just an extra wheel. Tractor trailer has 18 wheels. It's an obscene amount of wheels. It's a very quick jump for Che. Four, fine. Six, obscene. Obscene. Someone do something about this man.

What do you need? Obscenity is in the sixth wheel. So you're towing something. Because if you're... What are those trailers that take horses? I guess they're called horse trailers. Yeah. You know how horses go from place to place?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do those have that many wheels? I think so. I mean, those have extensions and stuff like that. But I feel like you don't need wheels right next to each other. Well, Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do those have that many wheels? I think so. I mean, those have, like, extensions and stuff like that, but I feel like you don't need wheels right next to each other. Well, it's stability, again. I mean, you definitely don't for a truck like that. Yeah, it's a...

Well, if you're trying to haul some shit... This guy's driving around the burbs with nothing. Well, it's probably... That's more of, like, a show-off thing. I don't think... I think that was utility. I don't think that he's doing that for, like, look at all my wheels.

Look at this obscene amount of wheels. The biggest question I had was, like, how is that guy parking? Because if you go to a normal parking lot, like, again, I have a minivan. It's pretty close to the lines. That guy is taking up at least two spots, probably sometimes three. Three? No way he's taking up three spots. You mean three?

In what circumstance would it be three? It would be barely two. It's like 12 feet across. Because he's perfectly centered in one, but it overlaps into the two other ones. He's not doing that. Pull up the picture again. Not even. He's still in one lane.

No, he's not. His left tires are on the left-hand turn signal. All right, so it would be two spots. Not even close to three spots. He would just go over more in one, so it would only take up two, I think. I'm saying probably all the time, but there are situations where I'm sure he's perfectly center for a normal car that he's taking up two. If he parked sideways, he wouldn't take up three spots. My guess is he's parking at construction sites, which are just spots everywhere.

That's fair. I think you're giving him too much credit. He's driving around the burbs. He's probably going to the grocery store or something like that, in which case it becomes... That guy doesn't go to the grocery store. He goes to the supermarket. It'd be a girl. I was just going to say, everyone's assuming it's a man. Yeah, that's true.

That could be a fucking chick who just owns you, Steven. Oh, it was a truck. Oh, that's true. Dudes love trucks. Clearly has a job. That's fine.

Steven, go back to the call signs. Enough about the obscene amount of wheels. I owe people some shirts, too. Oh, yeah. That's another thing. I bought a few Yaks shirts for some boys. After I poor shamed them, then I followed up with my word and purchased them for the boys.

New ZBT shirts as well. Oh, yeah. And the palettes they have are off the charts. All sorts of red, white, and blue ones. Then we have beachy, just seafoam greens. I think the pirate dog is one of the coolest designs that we have here. I really want Dave to do the...

He had that idea on the DP show a while ago where he's going to give out necklaces, pirate dog necklaces, to made men and women. I want that. Yeah, Sass was going to do that with the chicken necklaces. Tommy's going to get one.

Tommy is, yeah. Tommy for sure would get one. Through Roan. Through Roan. Why don't you have a necklace system? I don't know. I should get one. Who's this one for again? Sass. Oh Roan. Through Roan. Why don't you have a necklace system? I don't know. I should get one. Who's this one for again?

Sass. Sass. Oh, yeah. Somebody made you a necklace and sent it in. Yeah, that's a beautiful necklace. He was here for that, wasn't he? Oh. Oh, yeah.

Glass Blower made you a mountain necklace. Oh, that's very nice. It was those couple weeks you went to the mountains. Everyone was scared. You weren't going to come back? That was a while ago. It's mental health. Mm-hmm.

Which we don't joke about. But if we were to joke about it. I think enough time has passed where I can just say, yeah, it was just vacation. Yeah, well, we knew. No, I'm kidding. Okay, what barstool employee would you give the call sign gloopy to? Ooh. Ooh, gloopy.

Gloopy? Yeah, gloopy. It's better than Cody Roadie, dickhead. Cody Roadie is such a bad call tag. I mean, his name's Cody. He goes on the road a lot, and it rhymes. Why wouldn't you just call him Roadie? This is not going to work, by the way.

Steven's going to only do very literal things. Steven, give us one. My call tag would be Slaughterhouse. Yeah, Steven's going to. So would mine. It would be badass. Oh, this is your guy tag would be Slaughterhouse. Yeah, Steven's going to... So would mine. It would be badass. Oh, this is your guys' pick? Slaughterhouse?

Yeah. People call me Slaughter. No, you give us one of yours. All right. Steven's is going to be like T-shirt Jerry. Yeah. Make him two of us. Oh, he's Jerry and he wears T-shirts.

Steelers Jerry. Yeah. Big fan of the Steelers. I just watched him. He crossed something off the list. He's like, fuck. Nope. All right, give us one. Frankfurter. Come on crossed something off the list. He's like, fuck. Nope. Alright, give us one.

Frankfurter. Come on. That's Frank Fleming, dude. I don't think your full name has to be in the all-tag. If you put their name in it, we're gonna guess immediately. Yeah. Okay. You would have called the ghost of Kiev Igor Wegor. Baldo.

Oh, okay. Now that one's a little difficult. Okay, so this could be... Gaz or Chuck? It could be Gaz, Chuck, or Lenny. Chaps, Cons, Nate. Lenny's not bald. Balls.

Oh. And Doe is money. I'm going to go with Gaz. It's Gaz. It's Gaz. Gaz, bald and Doe. Yeah. Okay. I don't think Che has ever seen with Gaz. Gaz. Gaz. Gaz. Alden Doe. Yeah. Okay.

I don't think Che has ever seen Top Gun. Air. Air? Air. Air. Like H-E-I-R? Oh, yeah. That would be Alex Bennett.

Right. A-I-R. Sorry. Oh. A-I-R. Okay. Woodruff. A.C. Smith.

The Jordan Woodruff. Whoa. These are going to tickle me I like it O-Face that's Owen Owen that's not a terrible one aren't they meant to be secret code

you can't have any hints true what was Sasha Obama's Aren't they meant to be like secret code names? So you can't have any hints. True. Like, yeah. What was Sasha Obama's? Oh yeah, what was hers? Like, I got one. Slim. Sass? Colin Cooper. Jeff Fibbert?

Slim is Colin Cooper. Duggs. Ah. See, you never would have known if you saw him out in the air. Yep. What about Pussy Getter? Duggs. See, you never would have known if you saw him out in the air. Throw him off the trail. That's not slim. What about Pussy Gitter? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. That's Joey Kamasta. It depends on... Yes, yeah, it would be me. Yeah. You have more? I have one more, but now I'm confused. What about Dick Sucker?

Oh. Dick Sucker. Me, me. I would also be Nick. Oh, yeah, that would be Nick as well. Yes, yes. Did you say Nate? I said Dick Sucker. Oh.

Okay. Oh. Wait, what's your last one? Why would I be giving call tags to Dick Sucker? I'm confused about why I put this one now. It was like 14 seconds. It was very recently. It was within the minute.

Oh, fuck. Ricky Rivers. Ricky Rivers. What? Is that Rico? Oh. Nardini. Rivers.

Ricky Rivers. Is that Nate? Phillip Rivers. Rivers. Could be Phillip. Ricky Rivers. Rivers. Phoenix.

Lake. Oh, is it? Wait, did you say Nate? Yeah, I thought Could be Phillip. Ricky Rivers. Rivers, Phoenix. Ricky Lake. Oh, is it? Wait, did you say Nate? Yeah, I thought it was Eric. Yeah. Nathan, Ricky. No, not Nate. And then poker being the river.

Oh, man. Oh. I want to answer. Don't answer, Steven. Don't tell us. Ricky. I'm trying to figure out why I wrote this one down, too. So you don't know the answer.

I know the second part. I don't know the first part. What? What do you mean? I said this before down too. So you don't know the answer. I know the second part. I don't know the first part. What do you mean? I said this before. Is this a two part person? The greatest trivia of all time where no one knows the answer. That's how it should be. I mean I have the answer.

That would be an awesome t-shirt. Who is Ricky Rivers? We should do a dozen tournament where there are no answers. We have to have Che write the questions in two minutes. Every single question. And then go and do it. Ricky Rivers.

So he knows the last part. Rivers. Is Rivers important here? Seems like it. Oh, is it Ken Jack? No. Rivers. Is this an ode to a person named Ricky where do they sit content area didn't help okay thought his mind went Philip

Rivers these guys coming back was squall were any of them Ricky Rivers? Not that I saw. All right, just tell us. Fuck. Jersey Jerry. Of course. I forgot why Ricky, but Rivers, he's a fan of the Steelers, Three Rivers.

Ricky? Yeah. I'm trying to figure out why I put Ricky. He's also, his calls his one name Actually yesterday he pretended to be A guy named Ricardo To call up that lawyer And tell him to go fuck himself So you're kind of on something with Ricky

I tweeted at Kevin Connolly Yesterday I'm going to try to get To the bottom of this But I gotta talk to Jerry Because I feel like maybe he's not giving me the full story. I don't know. I'm going to trust Jerry, though. I'm going to trust Jerry.

But in Jerry's defense, his mom has basically been calling him a pussy for not getting the money back. And normally you'd be like, hey, mom, don't listen to your mom. But it is his roommate as well. So it's a little bit of a tricky situation. Having that like every day right just being like yeah kevin connelly owns you having your mom moved out yeah yeah so we'll get it we'll get that resolved for jerry um all right so wait what i was gonna say tj can you pick eight random names out of the chat and then i'll spin the wheel and i'll give two of them a free t-shirt

three um okay yeah uh if you're in the chat i'm thinking of a number between one and fifty you pull the chat window first eight to get the right number between one and fifty go on the wheel wow you're gonna eat wow yeah let's see the chat real quick How are you going to track this? I'll figure it out That seems wildly Oh, there we go Fuck 50 is a lot, TJ

I don't know if we're going to get to 8 This is a lot of people A lot of numbers Have you seen it yet, TJ? Some people are just going to do all 50 numbers. You can do... Yeah, but they have to be... They have to be quick with it.

Why don't you just say the number and then just whoever repeats it back faster. All right, how about you stop it now, cut it off, and then tell the number and pick whoever got it. The number's 33. 33, okay.

Let's get them. Go. Can you, like, search that? First eight. First eight 33s. Damn, they're slow. Boys are dumb. These guys are.

They are dumb. Damn. 33s, boys. Morbidly. Yes, those 33s. You're still not doing 33. All right, I got eight. Oh, you did.

You got them. Wait, throw Chris on there, too. He just said yes please okay Chris will be the ninth and then we'll spin at the end spin at the end and three people will get free t-shirts

and I don't know how you're gonna get that nope right nope you just gotta reach out I guess the other five

have to order I'll give you just the keys to you get the information and I'll just tell Welker that that's what's going to happen. The Canadians, they kind of got fucked over.

They can't get the shirt. Why? Shipping. It's $75 plus. What? There are some Irish lads that want it won. All right, we need a Canadian in the chat as well. Whoever is the first Canadian.

All right, first Canadian gets a free t-shirt. I don't know how they prove it. They have to tweet. They have to post their address. Yeah. Every Canadian post

your address. I know. Don't do that. Don't do that. Why? I'm in trouble for doxing. Themselves?

Sounds like we got a loophole there TJ. They dox themselves. I'll send a free one. If you're from Medicine Hat, a free t-shirt. Okay, there we go. We're in the giving mood today. All right, so what were we going to do?

What were we going to do? Oh, the submissions. Oh, yeah. So these are people that did not make Barstow Idol, and KD went through and pulled out. Every time you say KD, I'm just like, why are you saying KB's name like that? Oh, yeah. She dropped the stats.

She did? Oh, yeah. Eventually, months ago. She got divorced from Mr. Stats? Yeah, she wants to be more than just stats. Maybe she should hyphenate her last name. Wait, she dropped the stats? She should have just added an et cetera.

You can't drop the stats. She dropped the stats. So if I go up to her desk right now, I'm like, Katie's stats, she won't turn around? No. Wow. Yeah, she can't.

We got to ratio her. Okay. All right, so continue. That rattled me. So we had a ton of submissions, and only 11 could make it so these are some people's excerpts from their written applications uh i put well by the way 12 okay we just added hank just showed me a fat guy from like ohio no yep are you sure yeah

let's not do that no let's do 11 he looks good He was supposed to be 12 anyway. Okay, yeah. No, that's good. We were supposed to be 12. We need more fat people. Right. He is right. Are you shaming? I am, yeah. Big time. Okay.

Yeah. Or two? Anyone else? I want it on the record. Was that his? Anyone else want to speak up against the Fats right now? Is that his only quality? Maybe not a selling point. Yeah.

Maybe not something you lead with. He showed me the video. I didn't pay attention to the video. He was fat. I said yes. Okay. So what am I supposed to say? I mean, your hand has been forced.

Right. And we needed a 12th because we did say we were going to eliminate three people on the first day to get to nine. Okay, yeah. So we needed it. Maybe we just eliminate them. Who's to say? We'll get hired eventually. Oh, we'll do it.

We should have Sass eliminate them and just be like, oh. Can you step on the scale real quick? Yeah. Okay, you're done. Done. You're gone. But these are just excerpts, and I put stars next to people I think were snubbed that we missed out on future superstars.

Ooh. If we want to pass these around, if you want to pick one out. Okay. How fat are they? Mm-hmm. Some of these people do describe their weight, and there's a lot of them are fat we should just have our own we just have fat idol yeah that would be fun yeah just barcelo idol fat edition fat edition oh dave would love that i mean yeah. That's like Dave's dream come true.

I mean. Fat Idol. So I imagine us just walking into like a Hollywood production company and be like, you know American Idol? But fat. Okay. You got my attention. What about an alternate fat barstool? Yeah.

They have an office above or below us. That is barstool now. It has to be below. Jesus. You really don't like the way it's done. It's true. Man, I didn't know you were this phobic. When anus gets cut, I'm just going to start just eating. I got to stick around somehow.

We have like exit interviews like they do in like the NFL after a season. It's like, I'd really like to see you gain like 75 pounds. I think you'd be a lot funnier. Somehow. We have exit interviews like they do in the NFL after a season. Like, I'd really like to see you gain 75 pounds. I think you'd be a lot funnier. Nick, you've been on the road for four weeks straight, and we appreciate that. But you lost eight pounds. What's going on, man? It's like you don't want this job.

Yes, yes. You don't want Dave to like you. Yes. All right, let's get the first one. KB, I wouldn't mind you checking some of these out. Scander. Fat Idol. You don't have to pick out my stars. That's just my opinion.

I think we've got to do Fat Idol. I do, too. Or just pitch everything as, like, imagine Uber. We'll do two versions of everything. But everyone's fat. Yeah. I've been saying for a while, the smoke shows, I think that

we should be doing plus-size smoke shows out there. There's a market. A strong one. Kate, I don't know if you understand how it works around here. The guys can be fat. Or still smoke houses.

Okay. Okay. All right. If you've ever seen the hit comedy King of Queens, that is how we live the world. That's pretty much how it works. Okay. If a dude is disgusting, it's awesome. If a woman has a booger, she's gross. It's like an Adam Sandler movie.

Are these all real? Yes. These are incredible. These are just like they submitted like. Some of them were one word submission. What was the protocol? Was it an email they had to send? Why you should be considered.

Why you should be considered. Like your elevator pitch. But there's one on the front page that's just like, because you know I got it like that. Oh, fuck. Damn. He probably does. I like that guy. Yeah.

That guy should have made it through. Yeah. All right. So go ahead. Tell us something. Okay. Are there videos that go along with these or no? There are.

And we could go through those tomorrow. I just got them. I'm going to try to put them in a super cup. I didn't want to just make everyone totally put everyone on blast. No, I'm trying to be as tasteful as possible going through that. So if it's somebody I'm just like, oh, this is bad unintentionally, I'm not going to... I'm going to use it, but nothing's going to change.

They don't realize how bad it is. Yeah. Or we'll make fun of them even more. KB, you got something? Nothing. I'm a fat, pimply 23-year-old loser who can barely read or write. I cry when I get yelled at. I have very little ambition, but I'm a very good liar.

I'm an exterminator and grew up working at my parents' pawn shop, so I come across a lot of weirdo, and none of them compare to me. I'm the common man. Wait. Buddy, I got some news.

What? I kind of like this guy. I know. How many stars did I put next to him? Three. He works at a pawn shop and he's an exterminator?

I'm intrigued. I am genuinely intrigued. My fat bitch of a roommate applied and I think it would be great to rub it in his stupid face. Yeah, vindictive hire

is always good. Also, I feel like I have a Barstool type humor. Yeah. I'd love to get to know what that is. A racist. Yes.

I'm super fun and I've been called the female Crystalia of my generation. Oh, that's not. I believe that one just got a couple question marks. Yeah, what? Yeah, you don't want that. Here's a five.

There's a lot of comedians you could have gotten. Here's a five star. I'm a 300 pound ginger from Hawaii who sells beer in LA. I shock everybody with my athleticism and giant pink nipples. Occasionally at the same time. I'm a sports nut, funny as shit, freckled fuck, who likes to eat and rate pizza. I also have a dog.

He's cool. You're not even reading this anymore, so fuck it. I'm sick of selling beer. Come watch me jump over stuff. Saying that he's selling beer, when I'm assuming he just works at a liquor store, is a wild way of saying that. Can you go back to that dog?

Sell beer. Because I'm 17, but not one of those pussy 17-year-olds. Wait, but also, how do you like to rate pizzas? Yeah. What does that mean? I don't know. I don't think that would work here. My biggest red flag as a man is the fact that I'm 29 years on this earth.

I have never once worn jeans. Yeah, so that one got my most stars. How do we need him? These people are... I know, we need a season two. I want to go back to one before the Hawaiian guy who has a cool dog. We got a submission from an actual dog and they wrote it in dog

voice and it's the worst thing I've ever heard. Oh no. Oh Christ. I'm incredibly awkward and stupid. 90% of those were throwing current employees under the bus. Really? One of them was just like, Tommy Smokes, good writer but bad person.

Which is so funny because I think that if there's one thing that stoolies should know by now is, I think Dave has said it a billion times. I know I've said it a billion times. I know I've said it a billion times. The worst way to get a job here is to bash someone who's already here. There's a lot of this. I want to read it out loud. And yet people still do it. It's crazy.

And there's one for, I think, everybody in the office in there. Right. It's like you walk in and you're like, yeah, Tommy sucks. It's like, oh, okay, you're hired. Yeah. Oh, fuck yeah. Tommy, you're gone. I get p, fuck yeah. Tommy, you're gone. Yeah, yeah.

I get pitted against all the other women all the time. People are like, Kate, you're the only woman at Barstool who's hired. It's like, oh, okay, cool, you're hired. Of course. You're hired right away. Yeah. Oh, wow, you put down my coworkers? They just think that we walk around and are just mean to each other all the time.

As long as you're skinny. That's true. Most of your employees suck at sports and don't mean to each other all the time. As long as you're skinny. That's true. Most of your employees suck at sports and don't deserve to talk about them. Those are great people. I love those guys. So many fat lines. They know what we want.

I'm fat and I guess I'm pretty funny. Mostly I'm just fat. That was funny. That was very funny. I bet that guy's pretty funny. Yeah. Sounds funny. That was very funny. I bet that guy's pretty funny. Yeah. He sounds funny. I do have a genuine desire to see every one of these people.

Yeah. I want to know. We should have required the Tom Brady standing on the scale pictures from all of them. Yeah. With today's newspaper. Yeah. They show up and it's like, wait, you're way skinnier. Yeah.

It's the reverse bumble. You lied on your resume. Yeah. You said, you're not. You're way skinnier. It's the reverse bumble. You lied on your resume. You said you were 300 pounds. You're 280. You're hot as fuck. Get the fuck out of here. Too hot to be in front of the camera. Wait, wait, shut up, shut up.

I'm loud and obnoxious like most Barstool employees. Hit check. That's good. That's true. That was a fact. We are obnoxious. If any of the contestants that made it are watching, they should be eating ice cream with olive oil

and butter in it. Yes. Christian Bale before movies. Six part one. My ideas. I take steroids and document my journey for a good video series. More of the Caleb Presley College videos. Good recommendation. Yeah. My ideas. I'm going to do what caleb does videos that

get a million views more of that credit to that guy though he gave like 25 ideas yes well there was one guy that gave a list about himself i think it was like 40 bullet points about that's that guy is that the same guy yes wait what go to the next page oh this is 37 but this guy is one person yes wow all right you can tell me when to stop i drank 40 beers last thanksgiving for each one give a thumbs up or down okay that's a big thumbs up i accidentally ripped down my family chandelier last thanksgiving last thanks sounds like it might be fat yeah i've never burped in my life. It's a condition I have.

Wait, can we hire people that only work one day a year? But they're only paid for one day a year because we have that too. But just like he just comes in on Thanksgiving. Yeah. He just sees how much havoc he can. Wait, KB, you can't burp? No, it is a condition. Caleb can't either, can he?

No, he can't puke because he had that surgery. It's just a sound that my stomach makes. You've never burped? Yeah, they said I need a steroid shot or something. Wait, what? What? I don't want to pretend like I'm trying to be some weirdo, but yes, I cannot burp.

If you chugged a Coke right now. I don't burp. So it would just hurt you? You guys have heard my stomach make those dinosaur sounds. It makes like a deep gargle from almost the pit of his stomach. Fucking wearing his aviators, piece of shit. He looks sick. KB, maybe you should get that steroid shot before the case race.

Oh. No, I don't need to be able to consume more beer. Well, you don't consume beer. Wait, I want to do a thumbs up, thumbs down game. Yeah, sorry, sorry, sorry. I just got sidetracked by the fact KB doesn't burp. What about when you're a baby? I don't know.

Can you ask your mom? I wouldn't know. Ask your mom if she ever burped you. She's watching. She's in chat. KB stands for can't burp. Oh. Oh.

With a K. Yeah. It's a call sign. I was banned from a Penn State bar for peeing in cups when the bathroom line was too long. I think that's gross. Yeah. Thumbs down. Guy or girl?

I'm guessing this is over. If you had done it. If you had done it. If it's a girl. If it's a girl, that's huge. If you had done it in a trash can, I would have been thumbs up. I don't know about this one. I've laid with the daughter of a real housewife of the Potomac.

Yes. Thumbs up. Thumbs up. Hell yes. Laid? What does that even mean? I don't know. That could mean a lot of things.

Just laid together? Like a Mormon thing? Hawaiian. She was asleep and he just laid down next to her. She was passed. She actually got hit by a car. She was concussed on the side of the road and I laid down next to her. She still doesn't know.

Stroked her hair. I laid. Hmm. As if that's how we talked. You hook up this weekend, you had laid down next to her. I bought a levitating cup for $250 and it's sweet. What's a levitating cup?

I like that. Big giant thumbs up. Huge thumbs up. I don't understand that. I once asked a girl if she wanted to see my levitating cup, and she said yes, but was on her period. That's why I went thumbs down. I'm thumbs down now as well.

Yeah, right. I'm on the fence, boys. I trusted my instinct there. I've never played spike ball. Thumbs up. Oh, yeah. Big thumbs up. You don't need to be doing that.

I love spike ball. Thumbs down. I like spike balls Spike balls are awesome It's so exhausting That's the blood going Oh that's a levitating cup So

Yeah I would fuck someone for it For sure That's it Keith That's all it takes He was like You can see my levitating cup But you have to fuck me Yeah

Kate has a cabinet full of levitating cups Wow And a story with each The beef has just a Yeah Like a fine china of levitating cups. A story with each. The beef has just a fine china of levitating cups. Passed out to his, oh, what's up, Kim? Can somebody come after they're through and do a decorating concert? Wait, talk into the mic.

Can somebody come do a project? No, it's actually, sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down. Kim, let us ask you a real quick question. Can we show that cup again? What? If a gentleman now we know you're happily married for many years but if a gentleman, let's say

back in your single days, you went back to a gentleman's house and he showed you that would you smash? No. I got one of those for Christmas one year. It didn't even work. Explain that. How does that work? I got one of those for Christmas one year. She already has one. It didn't even work. What?

Explain that. Yeah. So how does that work? It was great by itself, and the minute you put any fluid in there... Oh, fuck that. A fluidless cup. Well, what if it worked? Oh, well, that definitely won't work. Whoa, whoa.

That is sick. What? Maybe they've improved it, because this is when it was a startup. So you know how you can buy into it ahead. And it was like we waited months for the first one to come. And then they gave it to me. Wait, you invented Kickstarter? No, no.

It was a. No. What? When was this? This was a long. It was a while back. Like when? Like three years ago.

Oh, OK. All right. I thought a while back. Wait, do inventions just like show up on your door sometimes? No, somebody gave it to me. Okay. Yeah. Love it.

They thought I would really think that was cool. All right, wait. So what do you need us to do? So I need someone to be. Oh, by the way, just speaking in code, I walked with Alex. I saw her on the street today. I walked with her for 10 blocks. That's a long way.

Yeah. Well, because it was like, you know, when you see someone that you know, it's like, well, we got to make a decision right now. Do I put in my headphones back in or do we just walk together? We walk way. Yeah. Well, because it was like, you know when you see someone that you know, it's like, well, we've got to make a decision right now. Do I put in my headphones back in or do we just walk together? We walk together. Okay. I know the thing that she's doing and then you're not happy about it. Oh, yeah, I am not.

Okay, that's it. Go ahead. Okay. I need someone to be in competition or to do a contest with Joey and decorate a flag, a pride flag. What? Say decorate or desecrate. Decorate with crayons against Joey. Okay.

Nick will do that. Nick will do that right after the act. Okay, thank you, Nick. Your bread and butter. I will. Thank you, Kim. Okay, have fun, guys. Thank you.

See you. Spread up. Spread apart, asshole. You do that well. Thank you. See ya. Spread up. Spread apart, asshole. You do that well. I do draw that well. I feel like she was talking shit on the levitating cup because I think her next door neighbor invented the coaster. Oh.

She's talked about that. She lives next to James Coaster. Yeah. Another Oklahoman. That is super cool. Can we ask you to buy one? Yeah, I'll buy one right now. Okay, thank you.

Thanks, thank you. Can we make that little platform thing invisible, though? Or just make everything under the table. That's what they did. They put the platform thing under the table, so then the cup levitates above the table. I thought the whole table was made of that. If you bought a floor made out of that, and then you wore a suit made of the cup levitates above the table. I thought the whole table was made of that. If you bought a floor made out of that,

and then you wore a suit made of the cup material, could you just levitate around across the floor? Probably not. I think you probably just shit instantly. It would probably fuck up your organs somehow. It's $220. $220? Oh.

That's one food wheel for Big Cat. Or a wired one for $170. Absolutely not. This guy said it's 250 that's a horrible invention then look how much sleeker the uh wired one is though it's like way lower dollars to have your cup like three millimeters above the above the table yeah and it doesn't even work if she's on a period exactly that's a great hack to know if you want to see a guy's floating cup but you don't want to fuck him make sure you're on a period. Exactly. That's a great hack to know if you want to see a guy's floating cup, but you don't want to fuck him, make sure you're on your period.

Yeah. Have you ever gone home with a guy with a floating cup and you realize he had the wired one? Yes. Yep. Automatic no-go. Well, it was after. You're already there. Wait a minute.

What is this? What is this thing? A wire? You lied to me. You have to tell me that. I trusted you. Well, a wire cup guy Would have period sex

You know I'm gonna have that forever Why can't you buy this on Amazon I don't know Levitating moons You don't need this man Yeah don't do this This is something that It's already been done

I'm already Like you guys can't be like Hey can you buy that And then my brain My dog brain Be like nope don't buy that and then my brain my dog brain be like nope don't need that oh there's a lot of cool

yeah like what should I buy the levitating moon is that a gun I need a fucking whiskey gun whiskey gun that's sick I don't need that I don't even drink whiskey

okay the levitating plane is cool you drink so much whiskey I do is that a death star yep they make like levitating plant is cool. You drink so much whiskey. I do. Is that a Death Star? Yep. They make levitating football helmets, too.

A levitating plant? Ooh. What team? Is it Rutgers? Yes. Oh, God. What a waste. A levitating Rutgers helmet. What a waste.

Probably the only one. Somehow that doesn't work as good as the cup. Wait a minute. Damn sneakers. Get the shoe. Oh, the shoe. Whoa. You put a thing in the shoe, and then get the shoe. Oh, the shoe. Oh, whoa. You put like a thing

in the shoe and then it makes it. So you could do any shoe. Yeah. That's pretty cool. That is pretty cool. We could do Frank's shoe. Probably not like a flip flop.

Oh, yeah. The shoe out of a floating. Yeah. It could just be rough. I just want the levitating cup. I don't know why I can't find it on Amazon. They should make

more shit levitate. Yes, they should. I'll just search levit can't find it on Amazon. They should make more shit levitate. Yes, they should. I'll just search levitating and buy the first thing. First couple. Levitating. Ooh, levitating plant. All right, where were we? Yeah.

Yes, Kyle. I'm not going to read the rest of his. This is a little leap of ass, Riff. I'm the guy to read the rest of his. This is a little leap of ass riff. I'm the guy. Yeah. Yep. So no, thumbs down because I had to think about it. I was like, what's that make me?

Yeah. Boy. Keep going. They're not that good. Read the one from the dog. From the dog? Oh, this makes my skin crawl Did you mark it somewhere?

No, I avoided it How am I going to find it? You can tell Don't send a submission from your dog No Don't write for your dog Let your dog do it It's like a paragraph.

Yeah. It's also just such a loophole. If the dog was sentient enough to log into an Instagram or Twitter, they wouldn't have the grammar mistakes. No. You're right. It's got to be one or the other. Never thought about that.

My hooman is a big fan of post-school sport. No, exactly. It's very much like that. Exactly. I don't know how to. Hi. Well, this is one. Is this it?

I am unique in my own way and have a different mind than most. My biggest flex is my naked selfie presence to my friends on the... No, not that. Not that. That person says... My naked selfie presence?

They give pictures of... He gives pictures of his giant dick. That's what you do when you have a big cock. Yeah. TMI. Shut up. That's all his content is big cock content. We need that.

We need that. Every blog. Wake up with my giant cock. It would get so many views and comments. That would be the headline. They'd be like, fuck this guy. I wasted my time clicking on this. That would be the headline. They'd be like, fuck this guy. I'm wasting my time clicking on this.

What happened to this fucking site? Suck this if you're high. Or as soon as he stops blogging about his cock, they'll be like, they gave you a golden opportunity. Wasted it. Oh, there's a rap. First name Lil, last name Sas Sasquatch I ain't gay But he can fuck my ass

Watch We should hire that guy His name is Big Cat And he's here to stay He's gonna fuck your ass And then call you gay Fuck yeah This dude rules

This guy rules And he just said There's more where that came from Oh If you are him Prove that it's you I don't know how you would prove that That rules Fuck yeah. This guy rules. He just said there's more where that came from. If you are him, prove that it's you. I don't know how you would prove that. I had rules. Send the rest of the song.

Send the rest of the song. Can we swap that guy in for the Ohio fatty? Yeah. I'm assuming he is too. He sounds a little homophobic. Nick, find the dog. How do you fucking check out with Apple Pay? It's so hard.

I had to do a flight with that. I had to use alternative airlines. Press it. Double click the... There's this fan account for the White House dogs. Yeah. And when Russia invaded Ukraine, they did this post. I am completely exhausted.

I cannot rest. The nom noms don't taste right anymore and the zoomies don't bring me joy. All I think about are my furry friends in Ukraine and all the humans who are being bombed and murdered. I wish I had more power. My heart is broken. And I like I wanted to vomit on my shoes. I was like an hour after Russia. After Russia invaded Ukraine and they had it lined up and ready to go.

I like this one. When I was 24, I fucked my first milf. She was 46. I picked her up at a coffee shop on a Sunday morning. She took me to her house. Right before we got inside, she told me she had an 18-year-old son that was getting ready to leave but still home. He ended up being a man-child, bigger than me by 50 pounds. His name was Cameron.

Cameron immediately realized I was going to fuck his mom. He offered to cook me spaghetti. I accepted the offer. Cameron, his mother, her name, Michelle, and I ate spaghetti together at two in the afternoon. He cracked my beer for me. I fucked his mom up and down the house. When he came home,

he offered to give me a ride home. I accepted that too. Good guy. You can hire Cameron. Cameron sounds like a good guy. Hire Cameron. Cameron's a great guy. People who actually fuck moms can't write more than one sentence. That was not a mom fucker.

Okay. I don't want to read the dog one. Oh, here it is. Kyle. Who do we want to read the dog? Can we? Owen. You can read it.

Owen in your pupper voice? Yeah. I don't have a pupper. Number 19 in the pupper voice, please. Number 19. Pupper voice. Do a number 19 in the pupper voice? I don't have a pupper. Number 19 in the pupper voice, please. Number 19. Puppet voice. Do a number 19 in the pupper voice. My name is Jueja.

I put W's in all this. And I am ready to be an official face of barstool dogs. Dogs don't have speech impediments. You do if you write something like this. Big miss on barkstool. Yeah. And then this is a clean sentence. She rips off a clean one.

I'm a licensed therapy dog and also a licensed good girl, but not the best speller. Ugh. I am, in fact, the best girl west of the Mississippi with this title of Barstool's official therapy dog. I will be creating Barstool dog videos, attending

Barstool events, attending my usual therapy dog events as a Barstool therapy dog and creating a whole new side of Barstool which appeals to pet owners and dog lovers all over the country. With Georgia, the good girl on your side, yous can't fail. Okay.

I feel bad making fun. Yeah, I feel bad too because it's like a legitimate mental illness. I purchased a levitating cup. Thank you. Oh, yes. We didn't support that, but we will enjoy it. We're going to have fun with it. Maybe the loser of the next draft has to drink the combined shit out of the levitating.

Ooh, I like that. Yak style. Yeah. Do these people think they're the dog? I think they want to be the dog. There's a little bit of that, yeah. I'm just picturing a 40-year-old dude sitting down writing that, and it's really bumming me out. Yeah.

Their dog probably hates them. Yeah, probably. Yeah, the people who have like the big accounts of their dog on Instagram, it's just, ugh. I feel I'm upset now. Upset me? Yeah, it is a little upsetting. But on the other hand, like, harmless.

My human's HO. I say we're kidding. They also could have been kidding. Yeah, no, harmless. My human, my human's H-O. I say we're being, I say we're kidding. They also could have been kidding. Yeah, no, I don't think so. We'll go with that. They were, it was hilarious

and they were joking. Having a barstool therapy dog showing up to events across the country. Shootings? Yeah. Here comes the barstool dog. Oh, shit.

Everybody cheer up. Oh, Tom Spurr is here. Oh, I've seen that. Should we get him in here? Yeah. Yes, I think so. Hey, Tom Spurr is here. I've seen him. Should we get him in here? Yes, I think so. Hey, Tom. He can pick out somebody. No, no.

I don't think he wants to. Come back in. Why not? Was that annoying that I did that? He just picked his nose. Oh, we got that. We got that nose pick. Oh, no, you didn't.

We got that nose pick. No, you didn't. Hey, Tom. How's it going? Good to see you didn't. We got that nose pick. No, you didn't. Hey, Tom. How's it going? Good to see you, man. I don't care. Yeah. Welcome back to the Yak.

Coming back on PMT in a minute. How you guys doing? Hey, man. How's it going? We just read a submission of someone who wants to work here that submitted their dog in dog voice. In dog voice? Yeah. What's the voice like?

What's the condition where you say W's? Rhotacism. Yeah, the dog had rhotacism. My name is Georgia, and I am ready to be the official dog. You're going to play me in a fucking movie. No, that's the actual submission. With Georgia on your side, the good girl, you cannot fail. It's kind of like that.

We have Barstool Idol coming next week, so we're reading the people who didn't get picked. Okay. And it's been an adventure. There are some people that should have been picked. Barstool Idol will have just like crashing and burning like American Idol. Yeah. 12 people show up, and then at the end of the week, we're going to have one new co-worker.

Really? Yes. And what will their position be? They get a whopping base salary. Yeah. They won't be able to live in New York right now. You're in New York. We won't be seeing much of them.

Just give me the number. What is it? I don't know what it would be. You know what it is. No, I actually don't know what the starting salary is. Sass, what's your salary? It changes.

He hasn't gotten a raise yet. I'm not answering. I can tell you what starting salary is. It changes. Am I allowed to say that? It changes based on... Actually, I don't want to say

because then I think my starting salary was probably lower than a lot of other people. Mine was too. I would say, if I had to guess, it's somewhere in the 70s because I think my starting salary was probably lower than a lot of other people. Mine was too. I would say if I had to guess, it's somewhere in the 70s. I think you should go lower. Really?

It's much lower. It would be more beneficial from them. Oh, everyone in the booth is single. Fuck. It's not a touch beat, Kat. Kat, I'd even argue that the 70s are what people that have been working here for exactly how long I've worked here. Yep. Pretty much, yeah. How long have you been here? exactly how long I've worked here with you. Pretty much, yeah.

A few years? Get me out of here. I'm kidding. Maybe 50s? I don't know. When I was getting hired, I was still in school and I was going to work remote and they tried to offer me like $40,000

a year. Which is minimum wage. I'm not choking you. Like remote. And they tried to offer me like $40,000 a year. Yeah. Which is minimum wage. Yeah. I'm not choking you. All right. My starting salary was $2 million. Is it really?

They double that by month. Yeah. It's compound interest. What's the account look like now? You got to be sitting on a. Not like yours. Bullshit. You're on tour like every day.

You're here. No, here is not tour. What are you, like employee number two? No, probably like... We actually... Yes. No, I'm not. I am not two.

We got... What were they? They were like quarter zips. Steven's going to be very happy for this story, which it had everyone's employee number on. I think I'm seven. Seven's pretty. I thought you meant like in the ranks.

No, no, no. Like we actually, for a Christmas gift, it was funny. They gave out all like when you showed up to Barstool. What were you, Stephen? My shirt number was 28. Okay, so you were pretty proud of that. Maybe. I'm not going to shit on you.

No, that's fine. I could have been earlier some people uh you know hey can you get some can you get some uh chap uh chaperty can you get a couple questions for tom real quick sure we'll wrap up the show with that and we also got to spin the wheel yeah um where are you you're just on tour forever yeah i have um i have this is a little bit of a break. Because my book came out yesterday, that's why I'm in town. I bought it. You bought it? You're the man, dude.

I bought it on Kindle. I did too, I pre-ordered it. Which means you're going to get lucky because I'm going to read. I'll read it on his. I'll read one page. Borrow that when you're done. I'll read one page every three weeks until I get to about page 10 and I probably won't read anything else. But I bought it. Yeah? I don't give a shit. Be honest, how does that work?, and I probably won't read anything else. But I bought it.

Yeah? I don't give a shit. Be honest. How does that work? Do you write it all? I wrote it all. You handed it. No, I wrote it all.

Someone else wrote that, right? What, the book? No, I wrote it all. It was a huge- That's impressive, yeah. It was a stupid mistake, but I wrote it all. How long did it take? Fucking way longer, and so much more work than you think it's going to take.

I think it would take a lot. Over a year? to write a book. Oh, look at this. We're going to buy 20? Yeah, sure. 26? Yeah. What?

Damn. Cat's card's in there. Nice. This is fucking lunch money to him. It doesn't matter. What's that password? It actually is. He pays for our lunches.

Yeah. It's a $250 a day. I just bought a levitating cup for $150 literally three minutes ago before you walked in. It's going to be sick. All of a sudden. I'm going to forget. I don't know. You probably do this, Tom.

Do you buy stuff and you forgot you bought it? Yes. All the time. Yeah. We had a robot show up the other day, and I was like, what? Especially because we're in different cities all the time, and you're like, what are we going to do? And then you go into a store, and you're like, whatever.

This is stupid. I'll just buy it. Yeah. And then they just throw it on the bus, and you're like, the fuck is this? Yeah. Yeah. Speaking of which, I have a helicopter on my desk for you. Really?

Yeah. It showed up yesterday. I don't know how to put it together. Fuck yeah. Are you a helicopter fan? No, we were just buying robots. Well, he was, but we were picking them out. I was buying robots and he was like, can you buy this?

And I was like, yeah. Did we talk about it? Is it a big one? No, it's not that big. What is the biggest shit you've ever, like that's a substantial purchase where you're like, this is fucking stupid. See, I am an idiot where I still buy... I'll buy, for some reason in my head, if it's more than $500, I'm like, no. But anything, I'll buy 10 things under $500 instead of buying something for $5,000.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I've never bought anything like super super big i'm trying to think i just gamble it all yeah oh that's responsibly responsibly about you tom you bought a race car i'm averted or about the race car i mean it's definitely it's probably definitely clothes right like yeah you dress well now but well i mean you know but i'm saying like i've bought like a jacket and you're like yeah you dress well now but well i mean you know but i'm saying like i've bought like a jacket and you're like yeah you just see it and then you you take you in your closet you walk by you're like what am i thinking yeah this what is this i bought pairs of shoes where like yeah they're you buy them and then it's like well they're too expensive to wear

yeah and like well then why'd you buy them this is is very relatable now. Yeah, I'm like... At us right now, like, we're the biggest... What is your... I'm going to stop this conversation. Yeah, my bad. Talking to a bunch of base salary people. Yeah, I'm sorry. I just took a quick, like, read of the room. I know.

Everyone's like, whoa, these guys suck. I love learning. Have you ever met Bilzerian? Who? Dan Bilzerian No no no Never met him I went to his house

How was that? He We interviewed him And he made us sign an NDA And then after the interview He said that we Made him look bad What?

And so we never released the interview He's the goat Because they like Said that They were gonna sue us And the reason why We made him look bad is we asked him if he was ever going to get married

and he was like, I feel like women are just good for sucking dick or something like that. We're like, oh, okay. So like he didn't, you backed him into a corner. Backed him into a corner where we asked him if he could ever find love.

He's someone who genuinely looks like, who I would assume is like one of the most miserable people alive. Yeah, it was a very weird vibe. He's like cripplingly lonely. Yeah. He's just a lot of dudes. Talking about that look in the eye right there, that stare, that thousand yard lost stare.

Oh, that was his time as Navy SEAL, right? Right. Two weeks? Kate, is the military community- You guys hate him? Yeah. Pretty much. He's like a cosplayer.

He keeps paying military movies for canyons. He was at the Las Vegas shooting. Have you ever seen this video? And he did nothing. And he's like, he's like going up to the cops and he's like, he's like, where is he? And they're like, dude, get the fuck out of here. He posted an Instagram story leaving. He was like, the cops wouldn't let us take their guns in.

So we're going to get our own. And then they just never showed up again. It's crazy. It's a crazy video. He actually was like, I'll go out. Yes, he tried to steal the There's like a group of cops discussing and he runs in and he's

trying to get in on the conversation and they just get him the fuck out. That is like a straight up Seagal movie. Holy shit. He just threw a woman off his roof, right? Oh yeah, that was a whole other story. Wait, what? Allegedly.

The lines are blurred. He was trying to get her into the pool. Into the pool. Broke her leg, I think. She broke her leg? Yeah. She was asking for it. It happens to all of us at some point.

Eventually, it comes for all of us. Yeah. Wow. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, my God. Oh, is that Janice Griffith? No, no, no, no, no. Janice, yeah. This is a while ago, right? Yeah, 2014. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, my God. Oh, is that Janice Griffith? No, no, no, no, no. It's Janice, yeah.

This is a while ago, right? Yeah, 2014. Oh, fuck, dude. I could tell from the kneecaps. Oh. Oh. Oh. He must have not felt good after that.

Well, he's got to get his bench press up. He probably felt great. That was his own weakness. Do you think he paid for the medical costs? I would say no. He doesn't seem like... Are her tits okay?

Is she all right? Is her dick-sucking mouth all right down there? She landed right on her bare pussy. Her flap's still on. He doesn't ask. He doesn't check for her

if she's breathing. He checks her pussy. Oh, she landed right On her pussy You gotta go Alright ask one Jeopardy This is Stephen Chay's Not to

He's the weirdest brain Ever And 28 Yeah 28 Number 28 We've created a Jeopardy system

Where he gives What is it He gives the answer And then we have to Decide the question So one that he did was, on your knees, and the question was,

most uncomfortable ways to pray. Okay. What was the one that was... Facing backwards. Facing backwards was what? Best way to sit in a station wagon. In a station wagon. This is the game?

Tom's not even going to want to. He's like, I got to go. Like, oh, profusely. Yeah, well, you should get out of here. All right, go ahead, Steven. Give us one. Brussels sprouts. So is it most underrated vegetable?

No. Bad pea smell. No. It's worst smell torated vegetable? No. Bad pea smell. No. It's worse smell to best taste. No. Is it like if you want to fart? Does it have to do with flatulence or bodily releases? Oh.

Smelliest fart. Yeah, because I've done it. Smelliest fart. There it is. That's good. It's kind of weird you knew that. Wait a minute. You two kind of have a connection.

Well, here's the thing. I've really cut back on Brussels sprouts. Because of the smelly parts? Yeah, man. They get strong. All right. We should end the show. We got to spin the wheel and end the show.

I have to give out free t-shirts. A wet. Okay. Full wet. And unfortunately, Tom, for you, because you're sitting in this seat right now, if it does land on wet, you are going to have to get wet. Get wet? Yeah.

Like PCP? No, it's a very literal, there's a shower in the bathroom over there. Stop. You have to run in. Actually, you might not have to, because if we land on wet, there's a secondary wheel that has everyone's name on it. Eliminator style. We find out who the driest in the office is.

There's double ritz, everybody. Double ritz, everybody. Yeah, that's everyone. All right, go ahead. Spin it. It's most likely going to end on dry. Always a bad placement, though. Good.

All right. Fine. All right. All right, and then I'll spin the t-shirt wheel tomorrow, TJ. You have that saved? Yes. All right. Beautiful. All right. See T-shirt wheel tomorrow, TJ. You have that saved? Yes. All right, beautiful. All right, see everyone tomorrow.

Thank you, Tom. Yeah, nice work. Tom is now a twice-time member of the Yak, which is incredible. What is this? Oh, these are the names? All right, spin it real quick. Give me the three names. And then we'll find them, TJ, and you just tell me.

All right, Dro is getting one. All right, Dro. We're just giving away free t-shirts now. Nice. And. Oh, damn. It all started from Butsy. Fuck.

All right. Pat Peeve. Pat Peeve. You're going to find all these people, TJ. Yep. Show me Butsy. Give us Buttsy Timothy Fuck that guy

He gets a free t-shirt though Alright, see you tomorrow We'll be you next time.