The Yak - DAMN THAT BOY TALL AF | The Yak 2-16-22

Episode Date: February 18, 2022

Lil broYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Too much, too much, too much. Just right. Just right. It's Jack. Kyle's in this, bitch. Clap it up for Kyle, Brandon. It's here for Kyle.

No Band-Aids on that sweatshirt. Fat is died. I haven't since eaten today. Have you been eating in the morning, KB? Never. Yeah, I was about to say. That's not you. That's not you. That's not me.

KB, do you actually lift 80-pound dumbbells? On an incline. To failure. Not to a whoa. Oh. 12, 10 to 12, never to failure. I would make you the strongest person in my gym by far. No.

Never to failure? No. Explain. Why not to failure no explain i why not to failure i always feel like i have at least one to two left in me when i stop then why do you stop because you know you don't want to like in front of people that's when the muscle builds a weakness tell him sass yeah not for me tell him it is for me, you're brimming with confidence today, my man. Nick is wearing fucking wedges, and we just did a photo shoot for St. Patrick's Day merch,

and he had them on. KB and Nick, why don't you guys stand back to back real quick? KB tried to put me on. I'm a confident man. Zero insecurities. I let it happen. You do have insecurities, bro. We did the whole photo shoot. You tried to put me on to I'm a confident man. Zero insecurities. I let it happen. You do have insecurities. We did the whole photo shoot. You tried

to put me on to tinted moisturizer. And I did. And I bought it. And instead, Amazon sent me three inch lifts. Maybe that's serendipitous. They came in the day. What size? What size? What you talking about? Your exact size of lifts? You just put them in the heels of the shoes?

Maybe why don't we stand up? Your heels are hanging out of the shoe. You've never seen a 6'5 man before? That's not too rare. KV, come on, pop up. Less than 1% of the population

is tall as Nick is. Not a big deal. That's so fucked up, dude. Why would you do him like that? I'm so fucking happy. Brandon, you stand with him. All right, here. You stand with Nick.

Damn, Nick, you're looking tall as fuck. Your back. You look a little bent, even. You look bent backwards. Brandon's still got you. But with the brim. I've been modding my body. With the brim and the lifts, I'll be the longest man in the world.

What is your goal? I I'll be the longest man in the world What is your goal? I want to be the longest boy No, you want to have the biggest everything? I want to have the biggest everything and I'm working on it Everything My first hat was 150% the length of a brim This is 200 So you guys couldn't just throw this on your head

You'd have to wear the other one. Are you worried about gusts of wind kind of just taking you if you're that long? You're kind of built like a sail. No, I think I'm built more like a post. You are. Posts don't fall. Are you finally giving up the standing 69? I'm going to lose that.

The girl will be licking my navel by the end of March. Wait, I'm low-key chipper that I put you on to tinted moisturizer. Didn't get it, though. Now I dwarf you, bitch. I think you might be too fucking... Face looking red. And pale. You're just seeing up my nostrils.

How would you know? Boys, you got to hop on that striax. Tinted moisturizer? That's blackface, bro. It's legitimately makeup. Yeah, it is. Yeah, why are you guys wearing makeup that makes you look darker? But you wanted it, though.

I wanted it, and I got the lips. I do it for my rosacea. Kyle, do you want to wear them right now? I do. Badly. Brandon's been doing it. I don't want to give it up. I don't want three-inch ones.

I want, like, one-and-a-half ones. I don't want them to be obvious. These are adjustable. So you ordered something that was going to make you look black instead of they made you look taller? Yeah. It's your NBA kit then. Yes, I was trying to become an NBA player.

One thing at a time. Now you guys got to see what I got next to lengthen me up. What are you about to do? Hang a weight from your balls? I hate this. Dr. Miami? This is about to be my longest year ever. Long December.

Dude, your fucking ball sack's about to be long. See, that's my issue. When you're sitting down, I can easily tell that you're on stilts. Yeah, your heels are hanging out of the back. I want to actually use this product. When I'm around the honeys, I'm not going to be sitting. I don't even know what that means. Why would I sit around girls as a 6'5 man going to be sitting. I don't even know what that means.

Why would I sit around girls as a 6'5 man? They won't be able to know. Okay. Do 6'5 guys not sit much taller? I sit all the time. What I'm saying, do you sit tall? I don't sit tall. It depends on where you carry your life.

They do sit out. A guy like me, it's all in my heels. Maybe toss them on. You want him? Toss him on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't you want to moment? All right.

I'm standing up in front of him, and they realize how tough I am. Can I do one confidence lap around Penn Station? Just to see if there's an observable notice? I think we have to, but do we have an undercover way to film you all? See if I get got that. Okay, TJ gave us a thumbs up, so we should be able to film. Should I send Meek Phil with you? God damn, those things are crazy. Yeah, send Meek Phil with me, please.

All right, well, I'll send Meek Phil to film. Meek film. Look at those. They're fucking Air Max. Yeah, they're just the heel of an Air Max. Is it actually? It looks like the heel of a 270, bro. I need both of them.

That's only one of them? I thought those both of them stacked. No, that's need both of them. That's only one of them? I thought those both of them stacked. No, that's only one of them. That's so you can adjust. That's two wedges. Yeah, baby. They're double wedged.

Holy shit. He's got another. Don't you have another one? How many wedges? You got a wedge salad. You have another level to him. No, that's all three levels. Okay. Three levels?

What type of shoe is deep enough to house that? Like, you're always going to be popping out the top of your shoe. I think having the gray bottom of the sock also hurts you a little bit. You have thick socks on. Get them taller. Quarter inch thick socks. KB, you can barely even... Your feet aren't even in your shoes.

Doesn't matter. You want high tops? Would high tops serve you a little bit better? I'm wearing some. You want these ones? I feel like I'm just crawling on the ground right now. You know when you have an SUV and then you switch to like a Corolla? I'm subterranean. Yeah, thank you.

Alright. Now who's somebody that's like the same height as you? Enrique? Tommy? Walker? You're never going to be able to walk They're going to flip flops Alright try standing up Stand Oh The camera wasn't ready

It looks fine No it doesn't No it looks fine man It's good It's fine Oh god You can see his feet It looks fucking obvious

No it doesn't Yes it does I need longer pants Or shorter stilts. Pop off one level. Yeah, maybe drop a level. No, you don't want to drop a level. You know, you've caught the high of being that tall.

You've caught the high. Damn, you're about to feel a low low after that high high. Yeah. Holy shit. It's about to be rock bottom for you. That's realistic though Just a couple wedges in there A couple inches

And is each one an inch? No No Oh that one's like two inches I think it's for a total of three So it's one inch and then two half inches Oh that's natural That looks way better

That looks so much better You could Yeah Alright Alright Should we get meek fill? Bro now you have that That looks so much better. You could... Yeah. All right. All right. Should we get Meek Phil? Bro, now you have that answer. So I can be like KB59 in the hood, pray.

People can't believe it. You get knocked out somehow. You get knocked out. What are you looking at, tough guy? KB59. Maybe you should call Penn Station and let them know you're coming. Do they have a number? Does Penn Station have a number? Who would pick up? Definitely.

Brain conductor. Some sort of support line. Stand up. Stand up. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Just like that. How do you feel? God. Amen. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Just like that. How do you feel?

God. Hey, man. You look great. That look is crazy. That look you're giving is fucking crazy. Stare right down. Damn. Owen's taller than you.

Owen's just taller. The feel-ons. Owen's in chunky. Owen's in chunky. The chunky feel-ons. Owen's still got a couple inches. We have to swap shoes. Oh, get the chunkies and the fucking...

The show doesn't end until KB is 6'3". We'll get him there. Give him your brim. He would hurt himself. Yeah, he would. He'd run into a ceiling fan and get decapitated. The chunkies with the fucking... I'll joke, but that sucks to walk into a ceiling fan.

Have you done it? Yeah, it fucking sucks. Really? Yeah. How? Single-wide trailers don't have tall ceilings. True, true, true. Yeah.

You got fans in those things? How do you get a fan in a single-wide? I figured you just had the oscillating... No, my fans are poor. Yeah? You have somebody waving a palm leaf at you? Waving a phone book. Wait, do you have all three now?

Yeah. Oh, shit. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, hell no. Man, was that Bob Saget? Oh, fuck. Go buzz Beeman's Tower.

Wait, look, look. Walk right past Jordan. Oh, shit. Jordan Barry. Look at this. Oh, shit. Makes sense. Works.

Big boy alert. Yo. Oh, he. Makes sense. Works. Big boy alert. Oh, he's a monster. Oh, we've created a monster. You're a big guy move. You're about to do a big guy move on Pilar. How's he touching her? He looks so tall. We're still right here.

The dream was to just be able to touch girls' shoulders. Yeah, he's always wanted to do that. Look down on Jack Mack. Just lost him. No, I think he's just doing this for himself. No cameras. He's living free. So wait, he's 5'7". He's 5'10".

He might be 5'11". I mean, if you're 5'10", you're 5'11". That's right. He's 6'11". If you're 5'11", you're 5'11". That's right. He's 6'11". If you're 5'11", you're 6'0". I thought that was him. He's going to find a way to get laid on this lap. I know it. Oh, definitely.

Joey's going to be fucking him before he knows it. Yeah. Easily. Here he comes. You're just going to see his head above everybody else's. Wait. He's still shorter than a lot of people Oh no

Don't little bro Don't little bro Don't do a spider like that Don't little bro spider bro Oh man How's it feel? He's so high Tall backman

You're glowing Dude that is the best feeling ever He's so high. Tall back man. You're glowing. That is the best feeling ever. I've never seen you with a high like this. Your eyes are like lifting up. I think I'm taller than JDM. Hold on, there he goes. JDM, get in here Josh.

Back to back. Here little man. Got you by a little bit. Got you by a little bit. Got you by a little bit. I know. Sorry. I don't know. No, no, no.

What? You got lifts on, too? All right. I'm just asking. Do I have... I'm done trying. Come on. There's got to be another way. Was I, like...

How fucking jarring was it with the girls? Jay Pack came around the corner and... You kind it with the girls. A pack came around the corner and kind of spoiled. No we thought it was you. Well not because of the height.

Why did you touch all the shoulders a certain vibe. What did I do. Touched all their shoulders. You were really going for shoulders out

there. Yeah. No like I was trying to do a tall guy guy thing. You guys always touch them on their head.

You guys think you have like the ultimate leeway to like touch girls more and harder. I don't think that's accurate at all. Yeah the cool tall guy

move is always like they always like rub girls and like No you try to hug girls and you just wrap around their thigh. That's your thing. That dude was like

a koala. I was tall. They were all tall. Just chewing on the leaf. Oh fuck. Not anymore though That's the old KB It's new KB You got tall privilege

Look at him bro You just Your net worth Just went up by 86,000 dollars I'm still not tall But like the wonders It would do

For my confidence And mood If I was just 5'10 You are now You are now I know That's the thing You You are now. You are now. I know. That's the thing.

You just are. Your mood is palpably better. It's more pleasant to be around you as you're tall. That and your skin is all the same shade. At what point a girl wakes up next to you and is just like, uh-huh, worth it? Yeah, definitely. Striax.

Or is it Strix? What's Striax? The tinted moisturizer. How do you know? Because he's been talking about it for the last, like, ten minutes. I went home with that really tall guy from Barstool Sports, the one with the perfect skin. The tan dude.

It doesn't do that much. It rained on the way home, and he was streaking. That's the one thing it doesn't do. It doesn't streak, even with sweat? Have you taken it to the gym yet? Have you put the 80-pounders up with it on? I wear it to Planet Fitness. That's the one thing it doesn't do. It doesn't streak even with sweat? Have you taken it to the gym yet? Have you put the 80-pounders up with it on? I wear it to Planet Fitness. That's fire. Don't they have spray tan things at Planet Fitness?

They have tanning beds, which I have used. If you get the unlimited plan? I have the black card. It goes to 20 a month, right? That's why I switch around to different Manhattan locales. Why? To see what's up. They're all different layouts,

which is interesting. Shut up. So you don't do barbells at all? Never. Dumbbells, way better. Why? Because one arm winds up overcompensating? Takes more work.

Thanks, bro. Fuck. Sass, you're back in the jungle? Yeah, today was my first day back. You see Kyle there? Standing ovation when I walked in. Yeah. A conquering hero. Yep. The emperor riding on back. You see Kyle there? Standing ovation when I walked in. Yeah. A conquering hero.

Yep. The emperor riding on Rome. What did you hit? Do you even have to ask, brother? Chest. Yeah. Chest. Chest.

It's his calling card. It's always chest. It's always chest. Bench press is your calling card. Did some bench. Always chest. Threw around some incline dumbbells. Did some flies.

And then just fucked around with the triceps for a little bit. Just teased them. Teased them for like 25 minutes. Yeah. Yeah. No. My sessions are like 20 to 30 talks. I was there for 42 an hour.

That's all I need. How much downtime do you have, KB? Are you really on the phone? Or are you locked the fuck in listening to some air? A lot. I do five to seven minute intervals. Breaks. Damn.

You've got to let your muscles over. Why? So I can continuously do 10 to 12 on the incline press for 80-pound dumbbells, not to failure. What do you do for seven minutes? Wait, wait, wait. The incline press is to American Pie every single time he takes a break. Prelude by sunburn.

You're doing free weights, right? You're not doing the Smith machine. No Smith. Very good. Well, which one was the Smith? You will lose a lot of credit in the gym if you're even seen near that thing. Why the Smith machine? You got to stay 10 feet away from it at all times. So what's a Smith machine?

An unwritten rule. I did the Jacob's Ladder. What's that, footwork? Cardio. Sick. Walked around with some inclined treadmill. Warmed up. Me and Owen have been doing body weight.

What are these broads doing? I don't know. They're definitely doing something. They have a golf club. Brandon can't keep his eyes off content kids. They have a golf club and a homosexual. What are they doing? It's a weird time to choose to do this.

It is weird. He's about to behead her. That is conspicuous. It's a conspicuous time. Knock the shit out of her. That would be awesome. Kim? Kim? Stop it, Kim.

Kim? Kim, what the hell are you doing? I didn't know what mouth that came from. That was my Alex Bennett impression. Kim. We should do more impressions of people in here. Kim, the hell you got yourself into?

Oh, should we do like an impression wheel? Oh, geez. Didn't Fallon do that? Yeah, he does. You're the only one who can do impressions. Yeah. I think bad impressions are way funnier, and I haven't done impressions in six months. You impersonate me twice a show.

I impersonate Hank Hill. You do a good, Brandon. But it's just Hank Hill. It's just a Mike Judge character. You didn't have King of the Hill on your top five sitcoms of the 90s. What the fuck? You had no cartoons. That was whack.

I messed up. Imagine if we had my app. Simpson, yeah. Oh, I need that app. King of the Hill, to me, is not top five. It was fine, but, I need that app. The King of the Hill to me is not top five. It was fine, but it wasn't top five.

Very good. It was very, very, very good. It's in my top five. It's not in mine. King of the Hill's not? Mm-hmm. You don't like Boomhauer? Too close to home?

It was fine. It's not... The Simpsons is great. At least the 90s Simpsons. Oh, you hate Texas probably. Does the rest of the South have a resentment towards Texas? No, Texas has a resentment towards the rest of the South. Texas wants to be its own thing.

I don't think they even think about you. Oh, they think about you. So is Arkansas the South? Kind of. The bottom half of Arkansas is the South. Is Kentucky the South? Yeah. It's a big debate.

Not the Cincinnati metro. The western part of Kentucky is the South. Yeah. It's a big debate. Not the Cincinnati metro. The western part of Kentucky is the South. We knew. Eastern. Midwest wants it, but the South claims it. Eastern is the South, I would assume. So half of Virginia is the South, and everything below there is the South. North Carolina, South Carolina, that's all the South.

I think Richmond and below. Kentucky is half South. Richmond is? I would say below Richmond, but not Virginia Beach. Right. Not anything north of Richmond, but not Virginia Beach. Right. Not anything north of Richmond and not anything on the east coast. What about the west coast? The west coast of Virginia?

What is that noise? So what's Missouri? I don't know what that is. Missouri's not the south at all. What is it? It's the midwest. Lower midwest. Wasn't there a pretty black and white?

There was the south and north. There was a war. Yeah, but that line is in Maryland. What's Oklahoma? The Heartland? It's the bottom of the Heartland. Oh. Yeah, it's the bottom of the Heartland.

What's the Heartland? That's Nebraska. Isn't that Nebraska? I don't know. Nah, that's Midwest. It's New York or nowhere. This shit is KB's wheelhouse, though. Talk about it for hours.

Let's get you a globe, man. Do you have a map up in your apartment? Mm-hmm. Yeah? Yeah, it does. You ever just get lost in it? Nah, it's one of those Etsy ones. I did a sporkle at State Capitals yesterday, and I forgot one, and it hurt.

It just ruined the rest of my fucking day. What'd you forget? What State Capital do you think I forgot? Definitely not Montpelier. That's Pierre. Concord. I forgot New Definitely not Montpellier. That's Pierre. Concord. I forgot New Hampshire. Oh, that's an interesting one.

I don't remember Concord. I kept trying to write Manchester. It's embarrassing. This doesn't have anything to do with you, but people who find solace in knowing the state capitals are holding on to a fleeting success that they had in middle school. That's true. It has everything to do with me.

That's true. I didn't know if it did. It does. I continually play the same sporkles to remind myself of what I know. It feels good. What are we doing here? Let's find out where we're doing our next live show.

Just spin and zoom. Oh, fuck. Nope. Nope. I thought we were done Talking about Chad Some bullshit These tell me that's not it

It's green as fuck though What river is that KB? Is it the Congo? It's like Lindy River The word keeps getting smaller No matter how far you zoom in Yeah it's really Nah it's not the Congo It's like Lindy River. The word keeps getting smaller no matter how far you zoom in. Yeah, it's really odd. No, it's not the Congo.

It's a smaller one. Coney's alive and only 59 years old. He's younger. Or he's older than Farley, I guess. Farley would have been 58 yesterday. Only? I wouldn't have guessed. So there's a Republic of Congo and a Democratic Republic of Congo?

I didn't know that. I wonder what's their big— Ken Shasa is on the up and up. Shasa? Big city. and up. Shasa? Big city. Does he have any songs? Huge. It's a sneaky huge.

I think it would be maybe bigger than New York. City? Ken Shasa? Yeah. Ken Shasa? Wow. Where's it at? DRC?

DRC. Rogers Crow Mart? Oh, and remember when we posted that... What was the country that you put on the fake tour that we did? Fallujah. Yeah. And it was like 100 dates of Fallujah, and all the people were like,

yo, I can't find the link to the tickets anywhere. I had a bunch of my friends congratulate me. Yeah. It was tough. Yeah. I put six nights in Fallujah to close out the tour. Dude, I think the troops would love to have us, though. I think the troops like the Yak.

Boys in Blue like you guys. Boys in Blue love us, but so do the troops. Oh, yeah. Sass has a gang of cop fans. Oh, yeah. They fucking fire off a 21-gun salute every time he walks in the gym. Speaking of cops,

our security guards are living the fucking life. They are the best. I don't know the fucking life. They are the best. I don't know about that, but they are the best. They're great. They're the best. They got a great gig going. It's significantly better than being a police officer. Oh, yeah.

That's a bad job. A terrible job. That is a bad job. They do have guns, though, confirmed. Our security guards do? Yes. In the same vein that any gun owner has one? How did he sense that?

They're good. Oh, yeah, he said, we got guns. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He knows. He also has a jumbo bottle of Grey Goose. I realized he had to do something. Yeah. They have to go to the airport wildly early

to do a special... Oh, to get their guns through? Do they fly with their guns? No, they have to go to the airport wildly early to do a special... Oh, to get their guns through? Yeah. Do they fly with their guns? No, they have to check them. They were complaining it was the first time they'd gotten a hard time at an airport. Because they're all on the no-fly list. Company's going to shit, man.

The whole country is, man. You can't fly with your fucking side piece anymore? He let Billy shoot it at Saddle Ranch after hours. He did? He was just lighting up the mechanical bull? Yeah. Shot Josh Richards. What is going on in Canada?

It's crazy. I don't know. What is happening? Blockade? I heard that they're having a concentration camp for the unvaxxed or some shit like that. I think that's it. Yeah, I think he nailed it. Greer is there now.

Yeah, he's stuck. He's been there for a while, hasn't he? Yeah, they said he could go. He's just stayed? Yeah. Is he actually in Canada right now? Greer's not. Is he?

Yeah. He's from Canada. Oh, he's not. He is? Yes, he is. He's Canadian. That doesn't... He very much prides himself in it, too.

He talks about it. He talks about it all the time. It really hurts my opinion of him. And his tuxedo. You've never seen his Canadian tuxedo? His denim shoes. He's doing that ironically. And his uncut penis.

Yes. That's not Canadian, is it? Yes, very much. A hooded penis is Canadian? Yeah, yeah. I guess it is cold. You need the layers. You need to bundle up.

They get an extra one. They get the Canada goose foreskin. That's right. Can you do a reverse circumcision? Down? What do you mean? Open it all the way up? There are adult... Wire foreskins? So apparently I've heard that there's a salve

you can get on Wish.com. To regrow it? I think we should all try it. Why? I don't want mine back. I want to look like the fucking vacuum cleaner from Teletubbies. No, dude. I sent mine to the ends of the earth. I banished my foreskin. You guys held on to yours? I still have mine in my nightstand.

I've said this before. I'm proposing to my girl with it. Can it retain elasticity? Or you're going to have to get it sized. Yeah. That is so gross. What size are you, babe? Seven and a quarter.

Five and a half. Yeah. Ew. Why do dudes want it back? You want the sensitivity back. That's expensive. order yeah you why did dude want it back you want that you want the sensitivity back expensive for dudes I want to bust

even quicker I'm trying to callous my shit up my shit's too sensitive mine's a fucking social justice warrior you don't want to callous it too much dude I had to chalk mine before going into a my virtue

signals circumcision was the original Roman sweat I had to chalk mine before going into a picture. My virtue signals. Insensitive as fuck, bro. Circumcision was the original Roman sweat. Oh, my God. Wow. Should we end the show? Yep, I think so. Damn it.

He's picking and choosing. The boys are on fire. I'm trying to think of anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck, fuck. Big cats on vacation, though. Is there any box cutter is an inclusive moil There you go Is there any uncircs in the office?

Oh yeah But they're definitely They stay in hiding They're a persecuted bunch The uncut gems Not a place where you want to be uncircumcised Oh no Because we would flame your ass uncut gems. An uncut gem. Not a place where you want to be uncircumcised. Oh, no.

Because we would flame your ass. Back when we had the big menorah. Circus Ole is a... Is that a Mexican mohel? My largest homie is uncircumcised. For real? Yeah. Who's that? Follow him on Instagram.

He's a good guy. Wait, everybody comment on it. Yeah, please. He's the man. It's me, Marrero. M-A-R-R-E-R-O. Jordan Marrero. Is this somebody you're beefing with online?

No, he's my Kent State. You probably met him. He's gigantic. Wasn't he in the fantasy football league? Still don't know his race. I used to ask him all the time. No, that's fucked up to ask. You're not supposed to ask.

That's fucked up he wouldn't tell you. No, but you're not supposed to ask. We live together. Because then they retain all privileges. He's awesome. He's a big old boy. He was my bodyguard in college. How many followers is he at?

No, all the little guys would just say whatever and do whatever. He was around us. He's at 978. We can get him. Let's get him to 1,100. Let's get Jordan Marrero to 1,500. 1,500 for Marrero. I would love him to have 15.

It's me, Marrero. And Steven, you'll like this. He doesn't have the apostrophe. You don't like apostrophes either? Neither does Tommy Smokes. Is there any underscores? No. There is an apostrophe.

The T is the apostrophe. It's all right. There isn't. Barrero. Oh, man. He's a dog. Tan suit, though. Pro gamer.

That's you? Oh, shit. He's a pro gamer? I don't know about that. He's like pro gaming. Oh, he had his door in favor of him. Wow. Oh, there's me.

No lifts in that picture. Hey, B's me. No lifts in that picture. KB, look at your hands in that picture. Did you just get done drowning? It's a tough pick. Why is your hand so big? It looks like you got a Hulk hand. I was just swollen. You're one of those gloves you wear at the game.

I'm so happy for you that you look like what you do now. Yeah, Michael. Damn, KB. Was that a bee sting party? No, I was swollen. Your hand is double the size as this. Where's the glass? Are you even holding anything?

That was a tough wedding. Oh, my God, Kyle. You look like one of the kids that toured the chocolate factory. Yeah. I can't get over the hands. Jeez, Luis. Is that like an illusion? Because they're bigger can't get over the hands. Jeez Louise. Is that like an illusion? Because they're bigger

than the other dude's hands and they're way bigger than you. Way bigger. Did someone hand swap this picture? No, just girthier. Fuck.

Marrero. What's his follower count at? Has he got a thousand yet? Refresh it. Come up. He got one? He got one. He got one. There we go.

Let's go. You got to pump him up. No. Look at Pro Gamer and then Twitch. Follows Twitch, too. Oh. Have you heard of him, TJ? Are you familiar with his work?

Of course. What does he count? About 6'6"? That ain't no... To me, he is, but I don't, probably not. He's 5'11". My principal growing up was like 6'8". No way.

He used to call you into his office, come in, and then one summer he lost his finger mowing his lawn. He would come in and go like this in 7th and 8th grade. No way. He didn't switch to this? He didn't herd people in? He stuck by his guns. Holy fuck.

Mowing his lawn? What was he... How was he mowing his lawn? How was he mowing his lawn? Don't you just pull a thing and push a thing? Or you ride a thing. Maybe it was clogged up when you get the grass in the mower. Dr. O'Sullivan.

He was a 6'8 doctor? Damn. Like Julius Erving. Overachieving ass. Oh, man. My God, you're right. That's pretty funny, Brandon. Dr. J was 6'7", though, Brandon.

We all know that. I had a tall-ass principal, too. 6'8 with the Afro. That's true. Or probably 6'10 with the Afro. He was like KB with the lifts. We had the shortest principal. My principal was like 7'0".

Actual dwarf. 4'8". Swear to God. I had a different principal every year. Really? Yeah. One at a time. One at a time. I'm sorry. S had a different principal every year. Really? Yeah. One at a time, one at a time. I'm sorry.

Sass, was yours barrel-chested? Yeah. Or was he thin? KB and Nick, was yours actually a nun? Yes. She was, yes. We don't know if she's living or dead. We've been trying to figure it out.

Brandon, did you have a different one every year because you moved a lot or because they were cycling through principals? Like a defense against the dark arts teacher. Well, it wasn't. There is a new one every book. It wasn't a great school. Oh, and so no one wanted to work there? Correct.

Yeah. Well, not a fantastic school. They kept waiting for a principal, though, to accept integration, and they just couldn't find one. Oh, I went to a, my high school was 90% black. Went to a mostly black high school. Wait, what? Yeah.

Did they bully you? Huh? Did they bully you? No. You should be cooler. I am? This is 25 years removed. Is that why you wear the Jordans all the time?

No, I'm copying Dan when I wear the Jordans all the time. Sing California Love if you went to a mostly black high school. I would say City of L.A., which is the right way to say it. Also, you won the dunk contest. 1997, I beat Dwayne Jefferson. Was he a white guy? No. Dwayne? Wait, wait, wait. His name is Julius. You went to a school that was 90% black? Yeah. you won the dunk contest 1997 i beat duane jefferson he played was he a white guy no duane wait wait my name is julius you went to a school that was 90 black yeah that's like the worst

lint chocolate i did i didn't know that i did so in my in my hometown it's about 60 black 40 white but there's an academy there's a private school that all the white kids go to. I didn't go to it. I went to the public school. Because you wanted to stand in solidarity. Oh, we were poor. And I wanted to stand in solidarity. That's dope too, though. Was there a rivalry between the

greasers and the socialists? No, no. It's weird down there. You exist in the same hometown. It's 12,000 people, so you play baseball together. You do all this, and then at school you just never see each other. You go here, we go there. That is weird. Yeah.

They must have had a rivalry with you, or at least there was nothing. No, not really. It was just whatever. We'd hang out on Fridays and Saturdays. Yeah, I bet they loved you. No? High school wasn't great. Come on, guys. That's true. No? High school wasn't great. Come on, guys.

That's true. That one picture. That one picture. I forget. I was skinny. I forget because you're affluent now. You're rich. You got a beautiful wife and a beautiful family.

You know what I mean? Stacked wife. Have it all. Heavy. Let that slide. Good God. The bass keeps running, running. Let's not let that slide under the radar.

Boys, I'm fucking horny, dude. Sir, by proxy. Let's go, boys. Let's go. Anyways. Let's go. Anyways. You can't have both, though. You can't be cool in high school and have a fucking Jessica Rabbit wife. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, you're right. You got to pick one or the other. It breaks my heart that she doesn't get more love. Oh, I don't want her to. From the Barstool universe. No, please don't. I don't get more love. Oh, I don't want her to. From the Barstool universe. No, please don't. Don't even will that into existence. God, no.

Did you say wheel that into existence? He doesn't know how sweet that voice can be. I said will that into, yes, okay. Oh, wheel it into existence. Damn. That was your Hank Hill again? That was me just, I was picturing you wheelbarrowing that shit into existence. I told fucking Meek Phil

to come in at 1.30. It's 1.32 right now. I don't know where his fucking Meek ass is at. Piece of shit. Probably just doing his fingers like this with his Meek ass. Has he been on the sticks for the main account? KB, you never, what, did they ever offer you to run the main

Twitter account? No. How about you, Sass? Did they ever say, would you have done it? Yeah. I feel like that's kind of a big miss for them. If I could get a pay bump. Why don't we get you control for like a day? I feel like a lot of the boys do multiple things. I would run that shit.

Would the numbies speak for themselves? Oh, yeah. Sass Sundays? Yeah. No. Because I don't want to. I guess football season's over. Yeah, football's over.

Until football, Sass Sundays. Yeah. I think the Yak don't want to... I guess football season's over. Yeah, football's over. Until football's at Sundays. Yeah. That bump. Sundays, I love it. I think the Yak should get one day a week to run the Barstool main account. I think that that would be fire. We would actually be good at it. As opposed...

It's hard because you have to appeal to the masses. We are so easy to do those type of tweets. But that's the thing. We wouldn't. Should we get guys in here and ask for permission? I don think you see we do our own spin how many when she keeps sucking uh tweets will we do well one a lot and they would eat them up okay a lot because if you did a bunch i posted my video on the main page yesterday and all the comments were like the jig is up he's wearing a barstool fucking sweatshirt. So fucking staged.

Yeah, I looked into some of those comments. I love the comments. Whenever you're on the main page, it's like 400 bots. What do you do after looking at my story? I beat off. Anyways, if you guys mind if I crash through the fourth wall here. Like Dale Earnhardt, NASCAR driver. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

We've got to take a break before we do that. I don't know. Who is this? Can we afford to lose him? Gigantic. I don't think so. No, they're important. Oh, fuck, yeah.

No. This might be our biggest. Put a cork in it for a second We're about to We're about to get back Into that in just a second But I need a palate cleanse Get up

We need a puppy video Oh fuck you guys Jordan just texted me Said you got your little shits All over my profiles Hand to face Brown guy emoji Oh is it

He said had to go private Ha ha ha He went private Oh no What the fuck does that mean? He went private too quick. It's too late. It's too late.

What did we get him to? Somebody just called him a hooded lord. What did we get him to? Bosco. What are you doing? Bosco, hop on the mic, Bosco. No, come on. Disrespect.

Disrespect. Unbelievable disrespect from Bosco. That's not unusual. Somebody comment. Wait, he on. Disrespect. Disrespect. Unbelievable disrespect from Bosco. That's not unusual. Somebody commented. Wait, he's deleting all the comments. Oh. But he says, how does KB even know? Could you see through the singlet?

They've all seen their penises. Somebody commented on your voice. We were all naked in the locker room every day. Slapping ass. We got a countdown to when we can do the ad. Okay. In just a minute. That'd be fun. But do you think he's pissed? Slap an ass? We got a countdown to when we can do the ad. Okay. In just a minute.

That'd be fun. But do you think he's pissed? Do you want to give him more judges? Do people know about his penis? Yeah, I feel bad if he's pissed. Yeah, you kind of doxxed him. You kind of pulled the hood back on his penis. Maybe Allison died in a helicopter crash. You want to do that too?

I got a Tony store lined up. Reset that counter. Oh, no, no, no. Oh, no. God damn it. Well, say it. lined up. Reset that counter. Oh, no, no, no. No, no. God damn it. Well, say it. Get it out of your system first. No, no, no.

No, because then we're going to have to reset it again. No, I'm already full steam ahead. We killed a zone. Fuck. Please don't do the Tony.

Ah, shit. A reset. We value him. No, I love NASCAR. You know I'm the biggest almond dinger head in the office. AJ. Al almond dinger head in the office. AJ!

Almond dinger. Matt Kenseth. Brian Vickers. Bruce Kenseth, his wrestling national champion brother. Brian Blaney. No way. They were brothers? They're both independently good at other sports? They're not brothers if they drive NASCAR.

Lugano. That's what Wallace is. Isn't there another one? I'm thinking of that goalie for the St. Louis Blues. All trip. Braithwaite. Yeah. That should be a NASCAR driver.

Yeah, it should be. What do you got, about five more seconds? Dick Trickle was a NASCAR driver. That's right. Oh, that shit's funny. Dick Pound is the USO. Okay, Nick, go ahead. Guys, I love NASCAR.

And today's episode is presented by NASCAR. The International Speedway is the 64th running of the annual Daytona 500. I can tell that's Blattman behind you. I can't even see his body. I can see that ass peeking around the corner. Tell me if this is fair. Winning the Daytona 500 is like winning the Masters or the Super Bowl or a gold medal in the Olympics. I would say not fair.

I would say it's completely unique. It is completely unique. It's better because it's better than them. Country artist Luke Combs. You'll know him from When It Rains It Pours. Good song. It's like calling NF the next Eminem. He's better.

NF is NF. He's NF. He'll get the party started welcoming fans back. Over 100,000 people gathered to be a part of this prestigious event. Guys, get in on the action with the Barstool Sportsbook app. I tail Quigs every year. He puts a lot of money in my motherfucking pocket. I'm a spider guy.

I tail Spider, and he's on Blaney. He's on your guy, Blaney, at plus 1,200. That's right. Tune in to the greatest race of all motorsports, the Daytona 500, Saturday, February 20th, 2.30 p.m. Eastern time on Fox. I want the powers to be – I want the powers that be. I want it to be put out there. I want it to be known officially that the Yak wants one day a week on the main Twitter.

Okay, one day every two weeks. One day a month on the Twitter. One day a month. One day a month on the Twitter. We want it for ourselves. Gimme, gimme, gimme. I want it so bad. Put a month on the Twitter. One day a month. One day a month on the Twitter. We want it for ourselves. Gimme, gimme, gimme. I want it so bad. Put it out to the world.

I don't know who has to say it. Deke Sucker, I don't care who it is, but let everybody know. Fucking sing it from the mountaintops. We want it, they. And boys at home, we're going to post bear titties. Yes, sir. Oh, yeah. Yes, sir.

There's no regulations on Twitter. We're going to press spread vag. We're going to be pushing it down everyone's throat. Does that mean that we have to do the blogs and all the promos? No, that ain't it. Not on our day. We get one day to do what we want. Not on our day, brother.

I just want to get some. Keep holy the Sabbath. It's copyright. It's spread pussy Wednesday, boys. And I've curated the best spread pussies of the week. I swear to God in high school there was take your panties off Tuesday and people would just post their Instagrams on Tuesday with that as the caption. Really?

Oh, yeah. Who would? High school boys? Everybody, yeah. What the fuck, bro? That would have had me throbbing. No tea. I would have been me throbbing. I would have been absolutely throbbing.

We were hard all the time in high school. I don't know what that shit's like. Che can relate. Che's nodding, knowing. Che's saying that he got hard at least. Every period. Every period. Who can relate?

Not like gym class, but yeah, every period. No, gym class would be the most excusable one to get hard at. No. I'm in the rope. You're up. You're moving around. Yeah, and titties are bouncing. No, you only get hard when you're sitting at a desk and you're doing a worksheet or something.

In your mind. Massaging your offhand. There's something sexy about filling in a bubble. Scantrons. Look at a Scantron. Scantrons did it for me. Scantrons, oysters, dark chocolate. They're all.

Aphrodite. Aphrodite. I wouldn't say high school, though. I'd say that's more like 7th and 8th grade. Definitely. When you're being horny. Because in high school, you're jerking off in the morning first thing. Get one out of the chamber.

You're dangerously horny. I don't have one soft memory from 7th grade. No. I remember being in class and being like, the first thing I want to do when I get home is jerk off. Just like so tense. I can't wait to get home. Dissecting a fetal pig.

Can't wait to get home and bust. There's no excitement that can rival that. Yeah. Just getting home. Yeah. And then you jerk off. Throwing down your backpack. And then you would jerk off and nothing would come out.

You'd just move on with your day. Empties ruled. Oh, yeah. Shooting blanks. Ideal. Do you remember your first non-empty? I do. I do. It was Christmas day. Empty's ruled. Oh, yeah. Shooting blanks. Ideal. Do you remember your first non-empty? I do. I do.

It was Christmas Day. I had a crisis. Why? Because I was disgusted by it. I'm repulsed by semen. That's straight, bro. That's how I know my dog is straight, bro. First time I jerked off, I was in like seventh grade, and I just did it with my door open.

Yeah, yeah. Just sitting on my bed. Because I was like, I didn't think there was anything wrong with it. Natural. Yeah. I shook my balls like dice. Whoa, whoa. What? I have two balls. Are you sure? I shook them like dice. Yo, yo, yo.

Do you remember the intense shame you felt after? I never feel that. I got that big time when I was younger Really? So the first time I ever jerked off to completion It was on Newgrounds.com or E-bombsworld

And it was like a game where you could only get naked pictures of women If you beat the brick breaker level And so I was trying to do that Oh yeah, we talked about that Yeah, with beating brick breaker Oh, there were ones where you had to flip around pictures Like it was a major league when they were covering up. Brandon, what were you on, a lithograph?

Brandon was jerking off to a telegram as soon as he was at his door describing ass. Archive Civil War letters. Telegram. For Brandon Walker, drop your pants. I'm going to describe you a big, juicy ass. I'm kidding. I know you're off that Hustler, Larry Flint type vibe.

I don't even know. No, Cinemax. Oh, for real? That was the only vibe I had, yeah. Cinemax. I didn't get cable TV until I was 16 years old, and I discovered titties at 10 o'clock on a Friday night. That's early.

11 o'clock on a Friday night. My's early. 11 o'clock on a Friday night. My TV at home always restricts the soft core porn, and it's like I don't know why. I'm trying to get, you have to click through. It never shows up when you search. I think I child locked myself, dude. It's some whack bullshit, bro. I can't beat off anymore, bro.

I can't even relate to that at all because I just grew up when porn was everywhere. Yeah, same. I can't beat off anymore, bro. I can't even relate to that at all, because I just grew up when it was like porn was everywhere. Yeah, same. I have mine bookmarked. It was Come On Tits Compilation 18, which is surreal that it was only the 18th. I remember the first time I watched porn. It's been around for a while. First time I watched porn, I was in second grade.

What? Yeah, or maybe third grade. And you didn't know until you were in sixth grade? Seventh grade? I didn't know what to do. I didn't even know what jerking off was. It was like a girl shooting a shotgun and she was just fully naked. That was so hot.

And I remember just sitting there watching with my buddy and then his mom walked in and we just shut the laptop and she was like, what are you doing? Nothing. Shut the fuck up, mom. I wonder what it was about guns That really did it for you It was like the first video that came up

That's probably why you're so obsessed with guns right now Are you obsessed with guns? Every time we're on the road No I'm not I said I wanted to go to a shooting range every trip I said I wanted to go to a shooting range when we were in Also your first instinct when we had a rat was I wish we had a gun No I said I wanted to go to a shooting range when we were in many of the airports. Also, your first instinct when we had a rat was I wish we had a gun.

No. I said I wish I had like a BB gun. You might be a gun guy. It's a gun. I've never shot a gun. He has a connection from the first time

he sees titties. You have like a... I've never shot a gun before and I want to shoot one. You pretend it's a pistol? Yeah. That's when you'll be fully a man.

That's when your first sexual fantasy will be realized once you've heard a gun. And I wanted to get a gun for hiking. Because I'm scared of getting attacked by a bear or a mountain lion. There was a Pokemon that was supposed to look like a gun, but they had to redesign it to just make it look like a fish.

Remoraid. That's so wack. Wait, don't. I was praying no one even made a sound. Gotta stop encouraging that. Is Pokemon shit? Was that like 2014? It was around that time.

Maybe before. It was before. What do you mean it was supposed to look like a gun? That was the early design? It evolved to look like a tank, artillery, but now it's just a fish and an octopus. Do you do the sporkles of Pokemon

to kind of refresh what you know? He was doing it this morning. It's whatever. It's whatever. Everyone has their hobbies. You did a weird Sporkle that had five different categories. One was about Battleship. One was about Donkey Kong 64.

Yeah, it was fives in gaming. Five Trivial Pursuit categories. The five types of Magic Card. The five types of Ship and Battleship. You answered the Magic Card categories immediately. Well, those are just colors. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, just describing the man, I really...

It's true. Come on, boys. He's pissed. Build some decks like the Amish. A little sporkle? We're all nerds in our own way. All right. Am I being paralyzed?

I'm going to do a sporkle. Just click random. Yeah, random sporkle. I need one that's a little bit easy, though. I need for my confidence to get up. All right. All right, what is this? Oh, yeah, I love that one.

Okay, okay, okay, this is good, this is good. Alaska. Alaska. Hawaii. Florida. Ha-ha. California. Hawaii. Florida. California. Louisiana. If you're not on the list, you have to leave the room until the quizzes are over.

Louisiana is a great one. Louisiana. I don't think Hawaii is on there. I think it would have taken. Who said Hawaii? I did. But I got another one. Minnesota.

Massachusetts. What is he? New York. Massachusetts. What is he? DJ New York. Whoa. Was that chicken? What was number one? I was Minnesota. Louisiana's a good one.

It should be number two or three. Massachusetts. No, I bet you Michigan's two. I bet Massachusetts is two or three. Oh, yeah, the lakes. They're not counting yachts. Oh, yeah. Huh.

No. What about like Vermont or some something? You spelled Massachusetts wrong. This is mean to Zahi. Rhode Island. This is embarrassing. South Carolina. We spelled Massachusetts wrong. We got to go back and do that.

It's not even close. Wisconsin. North Carolina. Do they have boats in Texas on the Gulf Coast? Yeah, they have boats in Texas. No Gulf Coast? Yeah, they have boats. No. Give me a Texas boat. Texas, California. Give me...

You gotta think lake states. You think. There's Mississippi. Alabama has a Gulf Coast. Oh, Jersey. New Jersey. New Jersey. Yeah, New Jersey. Georgia. Suck at this. I'm so confused. We're such dumb fucks.

Yeah, we thought of ocean boats. It's lake boats. That's the most common. Oh, Indiana. Why wouldn't you just type the 50 states as fast as you can? Yep, that's it. Well, we pretty much are doing that. Ohio.

Alabama. Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas. Washington. There's lakes in every state. Delaware, Florida, Georgia, Hawaii. Is there a lakeless state? Maryland. Surely there's not a lake in Rhode Island, but. Is there a lakeless state? Maryland. Surely there's not a lake in Rhode Island, but they do have a...

Dude, did you know there's a big hole in the middle of Africa? What? Connecticut? You know what I'm talking about, KB? Since Nipsey Dutton. What's the... Connecticut? We've got to think small...

Too late now, bro. Oh, that was on... See, like North... Yeah, you've got to think like... What's in North Dakota? Yeah, like small... Well, it's per capita, so was on. See, like North Dakota. Yeah, you got to think like. What's in North Dakota? Yeah, like small. Well, it's per capita, so lower. It's in New Hampshire.

What is in North Dakota? I didn't know it was per capita. I didn't know it was per capita. Well, it was per capita. How big is Lake Victoria? Is it massive? Yeah. It is?

Zaz nodding knowingly. Is it the. What counts as a boat in that list, though? It's the biggest lake. Yeah, it's... Kayak? Caspian Sea, is that the biggest lake? Yes.

It's not an actual sea. It's called the Caspian Sea, but it's a lake. Is Lake Victoria bigger than... It wasn't 100 years. Is Lake Victoria bigger than Lake Superior? I don't think, but it might be. What about Titicaca? Enough, Brandon.

I just thought I wanted to change the subject from like... Yeah, we talked enough about the fucking lakes out here, bro. SPSC. You done? We lost a fan. Why? Yesterday. What do you mean?

Death. The man who tweeted at Big Cat, hey fucker. Oh yeah, fuck yeah, that was fucking devastating. No, he's been in my DMs and it got really harsh and really dark. Wait a minute. He's been in yours or you've been in his? I was kidding, but he sent me stories. Do you want to share them?

It's just sad. No, you brought him up. Let's definitely share him. Did he end up apologizing? No. He's reporting us to Twitter. He's getting harassed by our fans, I guess, in DMs. And I said, you are not getting harassed by anybody.

That is a completely anonymous account, a burner account. So anything anyone says to you isn't harassment to you. We are getting harassed by him. Delete the account. He also started by saying, hey, fucker. Which I think is a great way to start in. You know I wasn't going to message you, but you guys truly are toxic. It's not even...

I'm a fan who just simply asked why you aren't doing the content I was waiting for. And his second word was fucker. And instead I opened my DMs to be harassed by your immature fans, which isn't funny. It's irresponsible to have a platform and use it to harass people. Big Cat only RT'd me so your fans can harass me. I hate that fucking human being. I'm on his side.

I'm not. page that has 13 million people on it has posts that don't even have a hundred thousand likes 13 million followers and videos that have been up for days only have 60k likes well we're taking over views there's no wonder why he's on instagram there's no wonder why you only make 80k and have to thirst over women seriously dude karma is a bitch oh and i can't message big cat so i hope you let him know that using his platform to have someone harass someone isn't responsible, it's toxic, and what leads to the reputation you have. He should be more worried about Barstool's biggest platform not even getting 100k views or likes, but it makes sense I go to any one of Barstool's YouTube pages and giggle. A date, then I respond it. Wait, that was what a pussy dude.

I said, what are you talking about? Go back and read the message you sent to him. That's not how human beings speak to others. Why are you engaging? You're like trying to like

because this is a I mean, this is a real human who sent me something serious. But you're also arguing with fools and from a difference. I want to get it. I want to see it.

Like, it's like more of a curiosity. He says a day late and a dollar short, bud. You messaged me the day after. Why? Just to be toxic and bother me, yet you wonder why you have the reputation you have? What is the reputation? I don't know.

All I ask is why you guys didn't create the content you said you were going to do. Never in my life have I heard or seen content creators treat their fans like this. But yet again, you aren't content creators you're a blogger because you think it's 2003 if you think that's how people communicate then wow i'm sorry your toxic fan base really corrupted your mind i hate hey at least my mother doesn't tell me whether i can get a tattoo or not you're a grown-ass man acting like a child but i guess that's what you do at barstool considering you have two 40 year old men on the yak lol you are aware as your fan base matures they grow out of you the i want to be edgy and funny just becomes old and every time you guys

do something that a douchebag would do you call it a bit everything's a bit the sexist undertone this guy needs to be like racist undertone was a bit everything Dude, this guy needs to be checked into a mental hospital. That racist undertone was a bit. Everything's a bit because we're a comedy site when our name is Barstool Sports. Leave me the fuck alone and go back to making your shitty content and writing shitty blogs. Stop it, KB. You're grown. What did you say back to him? Read what you said back. Stop skipping over your parts.

Dude, this is crazy. I said, how did we treat you? We did a two-hour live show every day on top of several other commitments we each individually had. Some of us didn't have enough time to do all of our challenges, so you created a burner account to tell Big Cat to fuck off and disgrace our show.

He nor anyone else on the act said anything insulting back to you. Stop it, KB. You're a grown-ass man. You should know that RTing someone who is going against the narrative you guys created is just going to make your fans harass them message them

is he not a grown man? no he's definitely not a grown man this is a child you had me open my DMs just to be harassed all night and then message me this morning come on don't be naive don't act stupid I wasn't RT and with the intent of

i wasn't rting with the intent of being harassed and because of that i'll never buy merch again i'll never listen to you guys or pmt again and i know you guys don't care but it's very inappropriate for two people with following and fan bases to use them to attack people i know you're a grown-ass man trying to act like children, like your fan base, but sometimes you need to be an adult and realize, hey, bud, hey, by doing this...

That must have taken so long to type. Yeah. Why are you, as an adult, saying things anonymously from a burner? He's not an adult. I don't understand

why that exists. Then he sent... Look at his other tweets. What else has he tried? He's a grown person. No, he's not, dude. Then he ended it with, really, no one has harassed me?

Dude, this is just half of what I've been sent. Listen, you motherfuckers know how your fan base is. You are aware what they did and what they do and how they act. Big Cat RT'd me with the intent of people harassing me. Then you had me open my messages to a slew of adolescent teenagers. You didn't force him to do that.

Stop fucking acting naive like you don't know what you guys were doing. Those are just the people I haven't reported. Also, I'm enjoying my conversation with Twitter about how you guys

direct hate towards people. Can we get him some pussy? God damn, what a loser. Can we get him just a little bit of pussy? Maybe he could drop his Addy and we'll send him some pussy.

Dude, if you publicly tweet at someone, you can't expect that there's not going to be any, like nothing's going to happen. That's why we need state-mandated pussy. We do. We need to subsidize pussy.

Subsidize some pussy, yeah. We do, because there's guys like this who would just be so much more relaxed. See welfare. There needs to be a soup kitchen for pussy. Yeah, guns don't kill people. Sexual frustration does. Oh, God.

Just a little bit. Just a little piece. And the pussy line's out the door today. You can't act like it wasn't like we just found this random dude and started picking on him. He deleted his account.

Which means none of it matters anymore. Why do you pray for him? Why do you have any sympathy for somebody like this? This is someone that does watch our show. They're clearly a huge fan. Supports it. But I don't understand.

Why do you watch something you hate so deeply? I don't understand how he's watched continuous episodes. Because he was sure that we were going to do the stand-up comedy, and he was like, I'm sure they'll do it tomorrow. I know they'll do it tomorrow. Sure they didn't do it today, but they're not going to let me down like this. I love them. And Roan didn't do it today, but they're not going to let me down like this. I love them. And Roan didn't go to the dentist today.

I really just hate scheduling things. I hate scheduling the dentist for myself. Also, the dentist, so none of that... It's just, I mean, I'll do this shit because it literally has been... It wouldn't have been funny. The stand-up would have been funny. There's nothing funny about you going to the dentist.

We should do the stand-up because it would be funny. We will do it. The dentist, though, is not funny. No one's going to laugh at that. Oh, Roan got his teeth cleaned. We thought we were going to have a lot more free time than we did. We didn't. But it matters so much to so many people that I'm like, am I the fucking crazy one? And so

I will do the shit. I will confess. Some of those ideas were funny to get if that was revealed. It got selected. Yeah, that was funny. Like, oh, shit, Roan has to go to the dentist. That's so funny. Like, that's an inconvenience.

But it's like once we got out there, it's like there's nothing funny about Roan just going to the dentist. Just a pain in the ass. It's like we didn't have cars. I don't know. We bit off more than we could chew. How's your giant tattoo healing? Yeah, 100%. Well, it's peeling a little bit, but good.

They're pussies, but we're also pussies. We're pussies. We're losers, but we're also losers. And that's the thing. We are one and the same. So when these people DM me these serious conversations, I'm going to treat them like the human they are. It's just like, in my opinion, it's a daily show.

And people like that complain every single day about something. Even if it's a great show. You got complaints about the tattoo? Yeah, I got a couple of tweets that were like, they really hyped it up like it was a full sleeve or something. It's just kind of a letdown. It's on your body forever. Eight and a half by 11 inches.

They're forgetting how massive your biceps are. Wasn't it like a $400 tattoo? A little more than that. Yeah. I'm sure TJ's going to get a bigger tattoo at some point. Yeah't it like a $400 tattoo? A little more than that. Yeah. I'm sure TJ's going to get a bigger tattoo at some point. I'm getting my face

tattooed tomorrow. I'm getting Big Cat's face on my face tomorrow actually. Yeah, that's what you have to do. Yeah, face. So you know how

KB had his gay doppelganger? Did you guys see my elite Russian athlete doppelganger? I saw it, yes. I thought it was shocking.

What was it? Who is it? Also, it's a speed skater. An elite Russian athlete that flipped off the U.S. Look at him. That's just me. You can't see any of him except for his beard line. New Russian Nick.

You can tell how tall he is. Your thighs aren't that thick. They are. You don't have bend like that. Bend over. Bend in half. You can't bend like him. Are you kidding me? Did I teach you to. You don't have bend like that. Upple gangers. Bend over. Bend in half. You can't bend like him. Are you kidding me?

Did I teach you to bend over? Yeah, look at that. Dude, speed skaters have the juiciest thighs. They got ham hocks. He doesn't even have great speed skater thighs, or at least the ankles. The angles. I mean, he's a silver medalist. Anton Ono had the fucking big juicies, though. Yeah, the angles. I mean, he's a silver medalist, so. Anton Ono had the fucking big, the big juicies, though.

Yeah, he did. Is it? Yeah, yeah. Do you think you could teach, like, a sprinter to skate? Jordan's calling me. Oh, your boy? Take it live. Take it live.

Yo. Wait, you're on the yak if you're cool with that. I can put you on speaker. What? What up? Not much, you know, just... What happened? Everyone knows about my penis now.

I can hear his foreskin. I was trying to keep it secret because I didn't get many girls. You are? Sorry about that. I should have asked for consent. Got the boys after. I got my consent now, I guess. All right.

Should we put a picture on the act? Yes, I need a pic. Not fully hard. Might as well. Might as well. Yep. Might as well. Your little well. Mine's well. Your little boy's flooding my shit.

How many followers has he had? I'll give you a little boost. No girls? None. A few girls. I deleted everybody besides my man Nick. Sorry, boys.

Not everybody. He's still over a thousand. Oh, no. He's still over 1,000. Oh, no. He's back down. Oh, he actually did. All right. You really. All right.

My bad. My bad. Accident. Peace out. Peace. Peace out. Dude, I fucking love that cat. He's like a good guy.

It's 159. He didn't have big boy voice. Meek Phil's in here. Meek Phil. Good here. Meek Phil. Good evening. What's up, man? You're running through everyone's name. What's up?

I'm just going here. Wait, do you just answer your own question? You got to be a little bit closer to Mike. He did, he did. Is this good enough? Yeah, it's good. Why don't you pass over the passwords to the main account? Ah, the password is go fuck yourself.

Oh, shit. Nick Phil, I'll have your job. I'll have you dangled from your feet in the center of this atrium. That I promise you. That's not going to do it. Let's hear our pitch. Let's pitch them. So you are the Barstool Twitter account.

You run that. Yes. Co-run that. Have you gotten any good numbies lately? Anything disappointing that you thought would do numbies most of the stuff i just put up i guess i look at afterwards like the soup bowl night i thought it did pretty good it was just roasting eli apple and obviously that that does numbers anything anti-browns will do numbers on nfl sundays but yeah um you have to get it i love your anti-Brown stuff. Thank you. Wednesdays have to be pretty tough to get numbers, right?

Kind of a quiet day. Quiet day. Mondays are fucking brutal. All right. Sure, sure. Maybe are you looking to offload a couple of your responsibilities one day a month, an extra Monday off, so you can kind of really relax after trying Sunday?

Yeah. Perfect. All right, we'll take Monday. I don't know about Monday. You want Wednesday? I don't want Monday. I'm trying to, we'll take Monday. I don't know about Monday. You want Wednesday? I don't want Monday. I don't want Wednesday. I'm trying to fire off tweets on the moon.

I'm coming down. Okay, so Sunday? Sunday, I think, would be the best. Yeah, we need to be here. No, that's their most important day. Off of football season. I would do Sunday. Sunday or Wednesday, final offer.

Wednesday. All right, we're going to do Sunday. Yeah, Sunday. You just gave me an offer. Now you're saying it. Yeah, I didn't like your offer. Yeah, that's your move. We answer going to do Sunday. Just give me an offer. That's your move. If you want Sunday, that means that we're taking it. We're going to take Sunday. And we're going...

Are we doing... Spread Pussy Sunday? We're going to do Spread Pussy Sunday. It'll just be a thread of... Spread Pussies. With also other viral content. It'll be similar to the smoke shows. Girls will submit, people will choose through, post the best ones.

Mind you, it won't be exclusively spread pussies. But it will feature that heavily. That will be a hallmark of Marcel's account. I figure. Is that fine? Yeah. We can post pussy on Twitter, right? How spread is to spread?

I don't want any Twitter. I'm not a spreadologist. I don't know what you want me to say. I don't want any... I'm not a spreadologist. I don't know what you want me to say. I don't want a tech deck to fit in horizontally. No, that's my one rule. You put an apple in, stick it out like the mouth of a pig.

That type of shit makes you feel... So how's it been working here so far? Pretty awesome. Better than what I used to do, which my last job sucked. I worked there a month. I'm just going to leave it at that. You worked there a month?

In the interview, I got... Oh, you said you were going to leave it at that. Yeah. I'll just add this. In the interview, I was lied to about hours. I'm not going to say what happened, but... What happened? He's not leaving.

I'm not heading on, dude. I'm just saying it wasn't for me. How long have you been working here? Four weeks. And where'd you work last? I can't say. I've said it. I said it'll be that that so where was it uh just the place in queens i'm not gonna like what was the name of the place you keep asking questions no no no but like last thing was it a sports centric no no no no i was it was a bank no are you doing social no i was i was working on like machines like lifting boxes and shit like physical labor like i wouldn't you make a machine to lift a box if you're working on machines and lifting boxes and shit, like physical labor.

Why wouldn't you make a machine to lift a box? If you're working on machines, it doesn't make any sense. Basically, what I do now is so much cooler. You're tweeting from the bars. What else do you do? Instagram. Instagram, Telegram. They're stricter on spreading pussy on Instagram, right? Yes, I'd imagine.

When Adidas had all the titties on their story, like, you couldn't post that. People got flagged for that. Yeah, that shit's whack, bro. You think Adidas will ever do pussies? That would be incredible. I mean, that's the next logical step. Meek Phil, have you met anybody cool? Or what's been, like, your biggest, like, holy fuck moment since you started at Barstool?

Probably when I saw Big Cat like third day here yeah i was like yeah that's my old you have kind of like your own cult following i've known i mean yeah i've been on twitter for like nine years whatever it is like i know people on sports twitter just like trolls you um have you been trolling frank the tank at all or because it kind of seems like you gave that up no i was watching it was in the gambling game with him yesterday. We were watching soccer. Did you troll him a little? Yes, a little bit. What type of trolling?

How about the Mbappe move, huh? Yeah, I'm not talking about that game because I lost the bet on it. And that's all he'll say about that. How tall are you, Meek Phil? Last I measured it myself, I was like 5'9", 5'8". I don't know. Let's compare it. He's our resident 5'9", 5'8". I don't know. Let's compare it. He's our resident 5'11 guy.

Okay. Go back to bike. He is wearing wool socks today. Oh, you're okay. I feel like, Meek, we should do some kind of experiments. Oh, he's got him beat by a little bit. Kyle's probably 5'9 1⁄2". Kyle's way over you.

Want to compare dick sizes next? Yes. We can't compare. Hey, meek. Meek Phil. That's not very meek of you. So you're five, nine. So we were saying the least meek thing a person can do is twerk their ass.

I'm not doing that. There it is. Will you tweak your ass? We're willing to drop your dick ass. I wasn't actually going to. These headphones are annoying. This is exactly what that guy was talking about With our edgy

We try so hard to be edgy Trying so hard Older folks Don't think too deep into it There we go A little fidgety I'm just saying The one thing that meek people don't do is twerk

They never twerk No I don't know how to So better to never learn It would be easier to get a meek person to murder Than to twerk I can't tell if you would be Like extremely good at Dance Dance Revolution or in case. Oh, I was really good.

Yeah, yeah. Okay, that's what it was. It was one of the two. I was definitely one of the two. You were definitely a king at it. Oh, yeah. I had so much energy as a kid. Oh, please. Did you hold onto the rails when you did it? No. Okay. My feet just got out from under me.

It's true, for sure. Are you up Up for like Some kind of like She's all that Type of like Transformation Or something like that Or Rachel Lee Cook actually

Where we like Like You know Turn you into like The hottest girl At Barstool Or hottest dude At Barstool

Type of thing Like Old fashioned makeover You definitely do Have it in you What if definitely do have it in you. What if we made you hot as fuck? Would that be of interest? Get you some Stry-X.

What if she looked like Devlin? I don't want to look like that. That's fucked up, bro. No, I'm just saying, that's just my preference. I don't... Well, what if we made you hot as fuck? What if we tried to make you hot as fuck?

Would you be down for that? Okay. A makeover? Yeah, sure. Straight eye for the also straight guy? Sure. Awesome. So we're gonna make him over? I think we should, dude. I think that... We have...

I mean, I don't know if we're a good-looking show. Not good-looking, but I mean... We got Owen. I think he has potential. I think you have massive potential. You're gonna give me, like, a scouting report? Like, I have, like, A-minus potential or shit like that? Yeah, I am, basically. You've already done that for yourself. A-minus potential. You're going to give me a scouting report? Like I have an A- potential or shit like that? Yeah, I am basically. You've already done that for yourself. A- potential.

Nice on the sticks whenever he has to get on the sticks. Good sense of humor. Loves to troll. I think the sky's the limit, Meek Phil. Yeah. I feel like we're making you a little uncomfortable. Yeah, I'm comfortable. This chair's very comfy.

This is a good uncomfortable. Yeah, I'm comfortable. This chair is very comfy. Isn't it? This is a good chair. Yeah. Broken in. Yeah. Are you going to do anything special for lunch today? I've been basically bringing my own lunch in here. I don't want to get on a binge and get fat or anything.

It's just me. It does happen to a gang of people at Barstool. It happens to most of us. All right, so we have the Twitter account on Wednesdays, or one Wednesday a month from now on. Sunday? Sunday. I mean, we didn't negotiate that.

You just picked a day, and I had to agree to it. You did agree to it. Yeah, you did agree to it. So we're locked in on that? Yes. Once a month? Yes. Can you shake his hand just as a kind of show of good faith?

Why'd you? Did he spit or i think spit i thought you kissed it you're an absolute dog all right brother uh come back in sometime he's still and uh uh upstairs that's is that that's meek phil underscore on phil underscore let's get you up yeah who else let's get him. Let's get him to 16K. Let's go. Thanks for having me. Yeah, man, thank you. Always a pleasure, my friend.

How long are we going to go? I think we're about to be done as well, but I just wanted to let Meek Phil kind of get his ending moment, his kind of walk-off, like when you bring out the star player with a minute left in the game so he can get a standing out. All right, and that's the act. All right. It's like when Ske It's the act.

That's time to stock shop and do a Yankees love. It's the act. It's the act. Thank you.