The Yak - Did You Know Dysons Are $400? Speaking Of Things That Suck, KB Shoots His Shot | The Yak 9-23-21

Episode Date: September 24, 2021

hope someone comes thruYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Hello. There's only like three of us here. What's happening? It's me, Owen, and Sass. We're very far apart. Hello, it's the Yak.

Hello. All right, so my hypothetical, you want to hear it? Yeah. Wait till everyone gets in for some other stuff. I was thinking about this. No joke. I was thinking about this i no joke was thinking about this randomly the other day let's flash forward 10 years okay so you're 30 um 46 i've moved back

chicago i'm living just a normal life probably retired hopefully knock on wood, retired. Sass is the biggest stand-up comedian in the world. I don't know about that. I'm retiring after tomorrow. You're selling out. What's he pointing to? What? What is he pointing to? Oh, KB's late.

Yeah, he doesn't know that KB's always late. You're selling out the United Center. Who the fuck pointed about that? You're selling out the United Center. Who the fuck pointed about that? You're selling out the United Center in Chicago. And I text you and I'm like, hey, man, I'd love to come to the show. Yeah. Do you give me a ticket or do you give me a spot in the green room before the show to hang? I'd probably just send you a link to buy the tickets.

Will you remember me? Yes, obviously. Okay. This is actually something that I went through in my brain. Yeah, I would give you a spot in the green room. Love it. Okay, that's all I want. Just hang out.

I probably won't even go to the show. I just want to have the spot in the green room. I'm rapidly losing my interest in doing stand-up. What? Yeah. Why? Well, because the only reason I wanted to get into stand-up was because I wanted to do live comedy.

And then, now we're planning out all these big live shows. Right. So it's like... Big might not be the right word. Well, we're thinking about doing one in Boston that's pretty big. The squeeze-out shows. No, we were actually thinking about inviting you. Oh, thank you.

No, the only thing that we were saying was like we were talking about this yesterday and we were saying for the new york one we were like should we may as well just invite big cat and just have a yak live show no so like seriously but i was like yeah we put our heads together and came up with that me and we're talking about this and i was like well the thing is if we were going to do that we may as well have just gone to like an actual venue right we were going to do because i feel like we could sell way more tickets right obviously right so what's what are we going to do i don't know it's up to you if you want to come you can come where would the first option be carolines no oh but i was saying like if we were i said oh and i was i said if big cat was going to come we may as well

have just done carolines But what was the first option? We're doing like a bar. Oh, okay. I don't have to come. I would love to come. Yeah, you can come. I don't care. I just like to be invited.

Yeah, let's just do the Yak. Let's go back to the pin. I agree. If we do live shows, we might as well just make it the Yak live show. It would be fun. The smartest move. No downsides to that. Except less of the limelight for us yeah but i could also we could also do it and then i could just not come wear one of those like wear like a dead mouse or marshmallow helmet

yeah why don't we just do that why don't we just say the yak the whole yak and then i'll just be like yeah i can't make it. Well, Brandon's definitely not going to come. No, definitely not. Yeah. Unless we do, maybe we do the yak is the pre-show to the Brandon Walker College Football Show. To Rasslin. Yeah.

Which is not a podcast. Rasslin turns into strictly a live show. It's not a podcast anymore. It's on hiatus, but also doing interviews. Yeah. But yeah, basically what the reasoning is, is that if I wanted to get to a point where I could do like Caroline's in stand-up,

it would take me like 10 years to do that. I don't think that's true. I think you could sell out Caroline's right now. But would I want to do that? That's a different question. I don't want to do Caroline's alone. Able to? You absolutely could sell.

Well, if they did 18 plus, not 21 plus, maybe 14 plus, you could sell out Caroline's right this second. Yeah, but I don't think I would be able to do Caroline's. Like you don't have enough material? No. But I never understood why can't you just do your material and then just do it again on loop

on loop you like those jokes let's do a song I love I listen to it sometimes four to six times in a row it's like in football when a team comes out and they have a great script

for their first 15 plays just run it again just run it again. Just run it again. Yeah. Just keep going. I'm doing a show tomorrow. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Quite nervous for it. You sold out. It sold out. Yeah. And where is it? It sold out. Yeah, I don't remember where it is. Some rock hall.

You should figure that out before you go. Yeah. How many comedians? Four. And you are what order? The top of the lineup. First? I don't know if that means I'm first.

I don't think it usually... I think they kind of just decide that when you get there. Got it. And how many minutes are you going to do? I think 10. You got it? You ready? No.

Not at all. Why? Just am not. This actually... It reminds me... This is the first first time i felt like i was in like high school again like trying to scribble down like homework answers like 10 minutes before class let's work one out right here i have jokes but like i did about i did a open mic on monday and it was just like there was three people there so it was like you don't really have a good

understanding if the jokes suck or not what if you just played the best videos of son of a boy yeah that's what I was thinking. I'm just going to pull up funny TikToks. Yeah. Pull up Louis C.K.'s best set. The top five dance hall compilation. Yeah, you should actually. That would actually be a great comedy show if you pulled up Louis C.K.'s best set

and then you stopped it after every joke and explained why it was funny. I wouldn't despise that. Yeah, no, I actually think that would be kind of entertaining. What? We got a dog in here. What kind of dog? Uh-oh. Oh, no, Beeman.

Need it or keep it. No, Beeman doesn't like those dogs. No. Is that a doodle? A lot of post-party vibes going on in the office today. The upfronts yesterday. The upfronts. Damn, are you guys as hungover as I am?

We weren't invited. What does afties mean? What does it mean? It's where you just party somewhere afterward. I didn't do duringies. You were banging lines. I left right after I spoke. Were you guys banging lines of advertising dollars yeah

fuck yeah anything go on anything happened i feel like advertising and cohen wallow was very drunk wallow was and i literally just showed up i did the two things i had to do speaking wise and i left but uh wallow like he's so good at public speaking he obviously didn't write anything down and like five minutes and he just started doing shout outs to everyone it was awesome But Wallo, he's so good at public speaking, he obviously didn't write anything down. And five minutes in, he just started doing shout-outs to everyone. It was awesome. He's like, shout-out E-Money. Was E-Money present at the event?

She was present. Oh, E-Money's there. This is an interesting thing that's happening right now. What is this? Something's going on. So Francis J. Fleming is back in studio, or back in office today. And he's doing a soda review directly in front of the Yaks. This is a power play, a power struggle that is going on right now. On Tank Thursday, he's standing right in front of the Yaks studio doing a soda review.

Oh, waving at Roan. Roan, will you wave back? He is. He's. Oh, wow. Mountain Dew. Yeah, he came up to me. It wasan, will you wave back? He is, oh, wow, Mountain Dew. Yeah, he came up to me. He was like, is the trial today? I was like, I have not, as your lawyer, I have not prepared anything,

so we'll have to do it next week. He kind of gave me a slumped over, well, it's been four weeks. And I was like, well, you told me you weren't going to be here today. And then he came, and now this is actually, I actually very much appreciate what Frank is doing right now. This is a The cold war Between the Yak and Frank the Tank He's doing a sit in

He really is He's stealing the show we're talking about Big bank take little bank This is incredible That's a new camera right He upgraded He's had it for like four weeks, five weeks. I don't think we ever signed anything to be in this Soda Review.

He's got to get permission, right? Yeah, release forms. And who's that jabroni? Quick, draw Swastika on the back of this. Draw Dougs as a rapist. Roan, how was your set last night? Bad PFT explained it to me That it was

You guys essentially became Well he explained what happened And I You guys essentially became The guy with the guitar In the corner of a Potbelly's During lunch hour Yeah or like a really really crowded Like sports bar where the game's on.

It's like nobody wants to hear the fucking guy playing Wonderwall in the corner. And we were, maybe. What else was going on that was a distraction or a nuisance? Well, everybody else had given their speeches. And when the speeches were done, Roberge came on stage. Roberge was supposed to do three songs. And Robert was like, he even sensed that there were sharks in the water. Swedish DJ?

From OAR, bro. Show some goddamn respect. Have some culture. Have some fucking respect, bro. You never listened to Crazy Game of Poker? I have. You have. But Robert was supposed to play three songs.

He got out of there after his second song. You could tell that it just wasn't the crowd for it because everyone had just gone back to mingling, selling, meeting the barstool personalities. We were very much background music. We would have been better served playing a stand-up bass, just plucking some moody jazz for the room or something like that. So mood music.

You should have gone first. Yeah, you should have opened. Yeah, we should have fucking opened. Damn. That's such a terrible feeling to be like talking and then have everything going on

and just no one Did you play new shit? Not really. We kind of played like a new verse to a song. It was actually way better for me because there was like

no stress to perform well because no one gave a fuck. You could just kind of rip it. I remember Eiffel 65 the first time they played Blue at a venue. No one fucked with fuck. You could just kind of rip it. I remember Eiffel 65, the first time they played Blue at a venue, no one fucked with it. The dance floor just fled.

They fled the scene. Right. And they didn't let that discourage them. And then what happened? They went fucking platinum. We could have played our Blue. Where,

was there at least a couple people who were locked in? I think Kelly Keegs was showing love. Nice, nice. Graham was up there showing love. I think Brianna and Rhea, the gals, were probably up there showing love.

Kelly Keegs is your Penny Lane? It was definitely a humbling experience, but in a good way. I thought it was a great event. I thought that it was... Beeman! I schmoozed hard. Beeman! Beeman!

Don't fucking play us, Beeman! There's a doodle in here. I wanted to let her know. Oh, fuck. Wasn't she supposed to have lunch plans today? Yeah. Today? I'm sorry, Rowan.

That sucks. It doesn't suck. It actually is fine. And I can take a hit. Someone brought a golden doodle. It's upstairs. So if you could go strangle it, kill it. Yeah, kill the dog.

Thank you. I mean, you hate him. Talk to the mic. She wants him all dead. Talk to the mic real quick. You want him all dead? When would you like to have your date with KB? Destiny, we're calling him.

Wait, talk to the mic. Also, I noticed that you tagged people last night. You didn't tag me. That's okay. I guess I didn't present Oh really because you tagged the presentation After me No it died Right but you tagged the presentation after

I didn't take a picture I'm gonna be honest It hurt my feelings It hurt my feelings It's fine it's totally fine Speaking of me and KB's date He just DM'd saying, I'm so lonely. I hope someone comes through. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Whoa. I did. But it was in response to you. Yes. Yes. Wait, what was the response to you?

I posted an Uber screenshot of it. He posted this picture of his Uber screenshot of his story. And it has his address. And I said, KB, did you just give your address out? And he said,

I'm so lonely. I hope someone comes through. Okay, well, I'm just playing, you know. There'll be more of that tomorrow or whenever. Yeah,

when do you want the date to be? I'm not going to be here tomorrow, so maybe next week? I'm not either. Okay. Yeah, you take Fridays off.

That's right. No, I'm going to see my family this weekend. So you take Fridays off. Take Fridays off. But it's been scheduled. Last week, I just didn't. Oh, so we call that a mincey.

How long has it been scheduled for? Before you got hired. Before COVID? Like two months. No, like two months. I'm going to the Browns game this weekend. Oh. Yeah.

Against the Bears. Yeah. You should up forward afterwards. What? Forward nightclub? Nightclub. Oh, maybe I will. I'll talk forward afterwards. What? Forward nightclub? Nightclub. Oh, maybe I will. I'll talk to Dante.

Yeah. Hook you up. Cool, cool. All right, so next week, the date? Yeah, what do you like for lunch? I'm a big just salad gal. No, no, no. That's like a regular lunch.

But I also don't really get lunch much around here, so I don't know. Okay, so we also changed it. So initially it was going to be you guys sitting out there, us doing the show. It's actually going to be you guys doing the show, us sitting out there. Oh, I like that better. You like that better? Okay. Let's each write out questions for each other.

Yeah. Yes. All right, I can come prepared. I might break sobriety for this. Really fall off the wagon. He becomes blacked out to his date okay more out of necessity

yeah why why do you need to do that you're just by yourself you don't have to be drunk yeah you are I just feel like I have to be

yeah to hang out with me no to be yourself it's not on you yeah okay so thank you Rachel go kill that doodle please

on it alright nice Rachel's about to go kill a dog what your fifth of the week Thank you, Rachel. Go kill that doodle, please. On it. All right. Nice. Rachel's about to go kill a dog. Your fifth of the week? I don't really hate that. Fifth of the week.

KB's into that. Yo, KB. I think you got a shot, bro. Yo, bro. I think there's a fucking five-year-old. After those DMs. Should we? Does she have a boyfriend? That was a horny DM.

I think so. She has a boyfriend? We should invite her boyfriend to come hang with us while you do the date. That would be funny. You won't joust against the dude for her love? I'm so lonely. I hope someone comes through. That wasn't my actual address.

It was like a hip spot in Soho that I wanted people to think. Why was it over that much? It may have been like a I don't know. An error? Hmm. I was just... I didn't take it, obviously.

Right. $74. I could have got a Dyson cordless vacuum for that price. No. No. Dyson's are way more. Dyson cordless? Dyson's are...

$200. Dyson cordless. Yeah, bro. I bet you I could cop one for $75. Are you getting a warranty on it or not? I bet you. Make one. I could.

You could get a knockoff. Warranty? We're not talking about warranties. Well, I mean, I'm asking you. They asked you that on the way out. I'm just saying I could cop a Dyson cordless vacuum today. I just had a registry. Don't tell me about Dyson.

No chance. No chance. What are you talking about, bro? Are vacuums expensive? Dyson. Dyson. If you want a you talking about, bro? Are vacuums expensive? Dyson's. Dyson's are. If you want a Dyson. Not as expensive as a blender.

That's true. Owen knows what I'm talking about. Probably more expensive than a blender. You think? Yeah, blenders were very expensive. How big were you talking? Were you talking about one of those hand vacuums? Or were you talking like an actual vacuum?

I think it's got to be an actual vacuum. It's not a vacuum. You're talking about a Dustbuster or a Dirt Devil if it's not a full vacuum. It's stand- vacuum. You're talking about a dust buster, a dirt devil, if it's not a full vacuum. It's stand-up. You're doing dirt devil's talk. Look at that. $400. Shut up.

$400. The blenders were like $800. Undomesticated ass. Damn. And that's just the fucking rinky-dink one. The real Dyson is more than a car. You can't get a Dyson. You have to lease one. You get a three-year than a car. You can't get a Dyson. You have to lease one.

You get a three-year lease on one. You have to lease a Dyson. Just put money down on a Dyson. Fuck. I'm going to have to go out and cop a Dyson today.

I was trying to dress like you. That is a nice flannel. I'm building a shelf for the wintertime so I can bulk appropriately. Where's Nick? He's in West Virginia. For?

A wedding. A wedding. Dude, this guy's got too many friends. I know. No, he's at the first wave of weddings in his life. Like the 28, 29 phase,

there's like a wave of weddings then and there'll be another wave of weddings around. Like 32, 33. Yeah. It's weird because Kyle hasn't had any.

Yeah. Oh, wait, I thought... Um, I... I went to Marina's. Yeah. She invited everyone. Not us. Wait, how old is Nick?

I have one in November. Yeah, so he is in that first phase. Fall weddings. What are they doing, bro? They broke or what? I don't think a fall wedding could be pleasant. Now with football, I mean, you're... That's true.

You are... You went to Penn State. Hey, I didn't think about that. You're a football guy. Yeah. I went to Penn State and the Eagles game. No, I was saying you went to Penn State. Oh, well, yeah.

I graduated from Penn State. Right. And the Eagles game. I got my diploma from the Eagles game. Yeah, MBA. Postgrad. Wait, you went to the Eagles game? Yeah.

No, we went to the tailgate. And we watched it at my friend's house. You may as well have been there. We were in the shadow of the stadium. It is a fun tailgate. Tailgates, I mean, the ideal game day is just tailgating and then going to the bars, not even attending the game. Yeah, no, I...

And confined to a seat. I absolutely would love someday to just have a tailgate at my house every Sunday and then just watch inside. Just get all the boys that come through? Are you retired at this point? Yes, I am retired. Are we invited to the tailgate? Yes. Che has some shit. I did a hypothetical 10 year flash forward with Sass before you

got here. I'm back in Chicago. I'm retired. And why do you keep laughing about the retired part, by the way? That was not me. Laugh it up. Laugh it up. You're a funny guy. I did not even make a noise. You don't think he'll ever be able to retire?

It says his finances. I'm retired. I know he can retire. I'm retired, and Sass has sold out the United Center as a comedian, and whether or not he will let me come to the green room. He said yes. Nuh-uh. Yeah, because I like that.

It's going to be like Chris Rock and Dave Chappelle. Like, I'll have you on stage with me. We'll just be real friends. But at that point, i'm gonna be like i don't know and dave chappelle like i'll have you on stage with me we'll just but at that point like well we like old times will you will you be like i don't know that guy fuck it fuck him no okay good i'm happy that makes me like happy inside you think it's just gonna be a smooth ascent though a gondola ride to the top you're never gonna hit one fucking snag in your relationship with big cat how are you gonna get over it how's your conflict resolution no I think we actually I would actually argue that Sass and I

have already hit our snag and we've overcome it yeah so I'm sure there'll be something down the line we've never actually had a bar stool we've never had to the ground with me we've never had a real beef but we've we've had a clash of ages yeah and we've overcome it yeah ages and Sass agreed to be a little more mature and me a little more immature yeah we've had a clash of ages and we've overcome it. His ageism.

Sass agreed to be a little more mature and me a little more immature. Yeah. We've met in the middle. We're both 26. That's crazy that in 10 years

I'm going to be 30. Yeah. That's a long time. Yeah. And you're going to be what? 60? You did now? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Under our fucking agreement that was illegal that was good in 20 years you'll be 40 dude yeah that's my entire old ass oh fuck bro you are 40 right it's like it's incredible it's like Remember YP He's like He's bringing Time Every year he's like Yo Three years ago I was three years younger Bro like I remember like

It was five years ago I was 22 I feel like shit's moving A lot slower for me recently Really Cause Like I feel like I've been 20 For so long

And it's only been six months 20's a long year Because you're waiting to be 21 True And then it speeds up And now And then you just end up like me Being 50 years old So long. And it's only been six months. 20 is a long year because you're waiting to be 21. True. And then it speeds up and now and then you just end up like me being 50 years old sitting here. Yeah. Looking like a douche.

Wait all the time, though. Speaking of which. Speaking of which. If you want to slow down time and stop aging so much, crack open a nice cold Coors Light. It's a mountain cold refreshment made to chill. Tastes great from Coors Brewing Company in Golden, Colorado. Slow down and celebrate responsibly. Get Coors Light in the new look delivered straight to your door with Drew's new Instacart by going to CoorsLight.com.

Steven, you gestured. He keeps on gesturing. He must have some fucking juice. He's got some Dyson facts. I have some Dyson facts. God damn it. Do you? You know your boy.

Back there? I know my boy. When he's getting excited back there, he's got some fucking Dyson facts. What do you got? KP thinks that he's really got this. We got Dave in the mix, too. Yeah. Worth interrupting.

We're talking about Matthew. Uh-oh. Oh, fuck. And it's firing day today, isn't it? Oh, not on firing day. What are they saying? What are they saying? Get a camera on him.

We're reading Big Catch Reaction. He's shaking his head no. He's shaking his head no. He's saying no, no, no, no, no. I don't like that. They're in the blind spot of the camera. It's worth waiting on the Dyson fact, too, though, because he's going to want to hear this. He'd be dismayed if he got fired and didn't learn about a Dyson.

He's looking at his phone. Rico's going to want to hear this. He'd be dismayed if he got fired and didn't learn about a Dyson. He's looking at his phone. Rico's going to fight Nadeau. What the fuck are they looking at? Holy shit. What could be so timely that they would interrupt the biggest earner in the company, the Yak?

Yeah, yeah. What show makes more money than this? You would think he would have fiscally graduated from the Reebok Club C by now. Who's that? Oh, shit. Which ones are those?

Owen's taking shots. You're putting a man in a Rachel B man. Wasted. The fashion police are coming through. And they're running away. Oh, and Gaz is following in line. Oh, no. This is big. Gaz is trouble.

Gaz is stirring the fucking pot right now. You see Gaz following the line. It's no good. Yeah, fuck. Stay away from those three. Stay away. Next thing you know, Kareem's going to be in. Yeah.

End it. That's the act. Credits. Holy shit. Now the suits are coming. Oh, no. It's churning. There's an invasion.

Oh, no. Something bad has happened. Oh, no. It's churning. There's an invasion. Oh, no. Something bad has happened. Oh, fuck. This is fucking jarring news. The security guard's on the phone with his wife saying he loves her. Oh, fuck. Where's he getting that big gun from? Kelly Marr, is he getting the big gun from?

Oh, no. She's never in the vestibule. She doesn't even walk through the vestibule. She hates to be seen. Oh, fuck. And here comes Rob It's safe to assume something horrible has happened People have died See if he reacts

Oh he didn't even react Oh no My fucking heart's pounding How bad was it? No it was actually We were assuming the worst We saw gas get in line We saw the suits come in Fucking hearts pounding. How bad was it? No, it was actually terrible. We were assuming the worst. We saw gas get in line.

We saw the suits come in. The security guard was calling his wife. I don't know if we're going to have jobs anymore. Yeah, okay. Oh, fuck. I love having jobs. Well, the silver lining, Stephen. Dice, in fact.

Stephen, why don't you try to carry on Brave Face? I don't even know if we're live anymore because they pulled down everything. Yeah, we were about to cut it all. We're like the band on the Titanic right now. No, it was actually a very us moment because we... Why isn't Penn on the NASDAQ anymore? Marty thought he had found a loophole, a betting loophole, and Dave wanted to tell me about it. And then I looked at it and I was like, you guys aren't aren't reading this correctly then everyone just went in chaos because they're like you fucking idiot so has anyone ever found a betting loophole um yeah landlords I feel like

landlords have all the loop for like three hours the ATM at the sheets in Ken Ohio was just spitting out yeah I've gotten tips no matter matter what. Once in a while. We all gathered a bunch. I probably had like three or four true tips in my life that were like, do this and it will win. And that was a very good feeling. Yeah. How does that even happen? How does a tip happen?

It was just, yeah, it was a tip. Good luck. Insider tip. Insider trading. It's very, very rare. Which is illegal, by the way. Well, it a tip. Good luck. Insider tip. Insider trading. It's very, very rare. Which is illegal, by the way. Well, it's not insider trading. May as well be.

Don't talk about shit you don't know about, man. I'm actually very afraid of insider trading. I don't really understand it. I feel like if you just have a conversation about anything ever, you could get dinged for it. So that's why I never talk to anyone about anything. Yeah, that's a smart way. There was a guy who I'm pretty sure tried to insider trade with me because he gave me a tip. The stock hasn't gone up, but he's like, it's going to go up.

Okay, that's not insider trading though because was it just like a DM that you got? No, I walked out of a restaurant. Was it someone that worked at the company? I don't know. I walked out of a restaurant. He's like, listen, I know. And I was like, okay. Does that count?

I didn't buy it. I get like 90 DMs a day from people being like, listen, I know. And I was like, okay. Does that count as... I get like 90 DMs a day from people being like, dude, you gotta buy ass stock. This shit is going to the roof. The roof. This is going through the roof. To the roof. To the roof.

It's a one-story building. And then you put all of your money in it and it doesn't do anything. These other stocks are going to the moon. Because people are just trying to like relive the GameStop and AMC thing. Yes. Chase the dragon. Yeah. It's never going to happen again.

It will. I once tried to rig the lingerie football bowl, Super Bowl, but you couldn't bet on it so it didn't really do anything. I knew the bartender outside of Wrigley was the quarterback for the team.

Really? Yeah. She couldn't go full-time on the laundry at football? No, no. That's inequality. No. Let's get a class action going. No.

I miss the era when the most arousing thing in the world was just women in football. Yes. Whatever the combo may be. Of course, like twins. That was the hottest thing. Yeah. Just hot as fuck. Just holding a football, wearing a jersey, eye black. That was the hottest thing. Just hot as fuck. Holding a football, wearing a jersey, eye black.

Those were the fucking days. It still plays a little bit. But there's a lot of things. Full porno, I'd say. Pornography, general pornography. Full frontal usually does it for me. Yeah, exactly. Or penetration.

No, it's true, though. Like the Playboy, whenever they would do the college issue, and it was just a bunch of chicks in the football jerseys on the cover, and you're just like, whoa. Whoa. These chicks like football. College is going to be awesome. These chicks like football, and they're hot.

They're going to be able to break down plays with me. Marry me now. We have everything in common. I like hot. And football. And football. And beer. Imagine you get to the second week in February and you're like, uh. What do we have?

This is awkward. NFL Europe, I guess, is on. We have three kids and a marriage and now there's no football. This kind of sucks. That college girl from Maryland just throwing a football far. I can imagine how HQ2 was buzzing that. I remember

Barstool posted it a thousand times. Once a year there'll be a chick. She just threw it really far. Who's just wearing a t-shirt and jeans and throws a football far and everyone's like, yo, what's her at? What the fuck? Or a hot girl who beats a fat guy in shotgunning.

That's still making the rounds in my DMs. Yeah, I mean, that's objectively very attractive. There's nothing you can say about that. Drinking a fast beer? Fast beer. Fast beer. I like fast beers and cold women. I need a belch, honestly, because otherwise, where does it go?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, no, you're right. Where? The butt of the butt. It goes out the butt. It goes straight to the butt. Yeah, it will go out the butt.

Maxim was a crazy time, too. Like, is Maxim still up on print? Can you go to a magazine stand and cop a Maxim? Get some ink on fingernail? Yeah, that would be nice. A glossy page. A woman. It's just like scantily clad celebrities and gamer chicks.

Sarah. Is that where Munn's origin story? Was she like a Maxim? Olivia Munn, yes. I think she was. Sarah Jean Underwood. John Mulaney's kid. In her belly. Sure does. Are. She was the other one. John Mulaney's kid in her belly.

Sure does. Are you still doing the airport porn mag? I had to retire from getting porno at the airport. Why? It's probably a good idea. It was a foregone era. They don't even really have it at as many airports. I have to just buy a Daniel Steele novel If I want to get horny on a flight these days I have limited options

But I used to fly with a porno, Owen, back in the day Wow, that's illegal No, I would buy one at the airport I'd go to the duty free and get a taxless playboy There's a, I'm not going to say her name Because I don't want to give her any of the attention That she so desperately craves. But people could probably figure it out.

It's a person who hates Barstool and had a book that she wrote recently. And she did an interview. Michelle Obama. Yes. I saw an interview where she was talking about how at her work at a radio station in Chicago, there was just dudes just watching porn at all hours. I was like, never in the history of an office do like, that would be

so uncomfortable to be like, hey, Sas, come over here. Watch this chick get drilled. I saw that. She said she would get there two to three hours early to prepare and the male co-workers would get there ten minutes before, watch porn, and then go on. No one watches porn in group settings?

If they did, that would be fucking awesome. People... What would be the purpose of it? Get horny with your boys, dude. What are you fucking talking about? I hope they did. The last time you watch porn in a group setting

is when, like, right before you fully hit puberty and, like, all your friends are like, holy shit, what's this Cinemax shit? Yeah.

And then you're like, okay, this is weird. You're enticed by it before you're aroused by it. Right, exactly. You're like, oh, this is weird. You're enticed by it before you're aroused by it. Right, exactly. You're like, oh, this is bad. Like, we shouldn't be watching this.

I remember that first time, though. Yeah, and then it clicks and then you're like, yo, you know what I don't want is my boys around when I'm watching support. Yeah. It's at the very onset of puberty.

Yes, right. You try it out. One guy in the room has gone through puberty. He's a creep. Yeah. The first guy who went through puberty is a creep. It's a creep because he hangs out with everyone else watching porn.

Physiologically. With his hairy armpits. He actually can do something about it. Full bush. Perverts are never late bloomers. Yeah. True. Fact.

That's a fact. Yeah, that guy, if you are that guy in your crew, you're a creep. Yeah. Still to this day, yeah. Because you were... Can't just escape that. You were 13 watching porn guy in your crew, you're a creep. Yeah. Just so you know. Still to this day, yeah. Because you were. Can't just escape that. You were 13 watching porn with a bunch of 12-year-olds. Why'd TJ get out of there so fast when you started talking about it?

Jing. Where's TJ? A little too on the nose there, Teej? I remember, though. We had a sleepover after a Little League game, and I had seen tits and butts before. Oh. And then I saw a pussy. Yeah.

And then everything changed. First time I saw any of that stuff was. And I liked it.its and butts before. And then I saw a pussy. Yeah. And then everything changed. First time I saw any of that stuff was... And I liked it. I watched the internship uncensored version in like sixth grade. There's a pussy in it? They said it's in a lot of tits though. All right. It's a good thing that we have our truce.

Because when you do that stuff, it bums me out. Why? Because I was like 28 when the internship came out. I think I was in 6th grade maybe 7th that really bumps me out oh KB just started following you on Twitter yeah

that was kind of when I was popping off I'm going to give credit to my guy Owen because I remember his first day here everyone who comes to Barstool

they walk in the front door and we say alright are you a tits or ass guy and Owen's like pussy please a pussy oh god I broke the mold with you say, all right, are you a tits or ass guy? And Owen's like, pussy. He's a pussy guy. Oh, God broke the mold with you, brother. I don't even look at the tits or ass.

It's like voting green. I'm just going for that pussy. Oh, you like Ralph Nader, huh? This boy's out there. Unbelievable. I remember one of my buddies in like sixth grade, he printed out pictures of a girl sucking dick. And I was like, dude, you're gay. There's a dick in this shot.

I was like, what is this, bro? You got a dick in your porn? When I first started watching porn, I think I was strictly watching lesbian porn. I thought that was gay. I'm still low-key a proponent of that theory. I don't want it. I skipped the blowjob. You do?

Entirely. Wow. I tap, tap, tap, 15 plus, 15 plus. I don't want to see it. That's fucked, dude. You got to warm up.

Yeah, you're going to get hurt. Yeah, you are. I have before. Show up to the gym and start benching 250. You can stretch those arms out.

That is a great metaphor. You just skip to back shots or what are you doing? Whatever the first position is. Jesus Christ. Did you just skip to back shots, or what are you doing? Whatever the first position is. Jesus Christ. He actually just goes right to the end. Not even insertion. He just wants to see it happening fast.

There's a guy outside our building pushing a city bike that's kind of spray-painted black, and he's just shouting, this ain't a city bike no more. He's proud as hell. Like homeless people, it's a terrible situation, but it is awesome.

That's so awesome. Their baseline mood is higher than mine. For sure. He was ecstatic. I mean, that's a great move. He wasn't riding it though, just pushing it. He's a pirate.

He just pirated the bike. If a city bike is the best bike you can steal, you fucked up. Because those bikes are bad. Yeah, they are. They're clunkers. They're clunkers. You're pedaling so hard, and you're going like one mile per hour. You can adjust it.

Really? Yeah. What? Gears? Are you talking about gears? There's three gears. What type of magic is this? Yeah, that's sorcery.

I did not know that. But also, I strictly ride the electric one. Wait, you did know that, though, right? You knew what gears were on a bike. Yeah, no, I didn't know there were gears on the city bikes, though. Okay, got it. I was like, Jesus Christ. Oh, wow.

Sask gets on every bike ever. He's like, it's a one speed. This is hard. We're going uphill, and I'm going nowhere. I saw the other day a homeless woman who was at least 90 years old. And not like a looking 90. She was probably 30. She was a true 90.

No, she was a true 90. She looked 120. You checked her ID? How do you know she's a true 90? You know. A true 90 is not like a common occurrence. A true 90? If you saw her, you would know.

No, I bet she was fucking. Yeah. She was 43. You were, I bet she was fucking... Yeah. She was 43. You were wrong. Maybe she was Benjamin Button. I'll find her. Okay. Find her and bring her in.

Hurry up. And she'll be 14 years old by the time you do that. Sure. Damn. Shout out to her. Did you... I have favorite homeless people that I go out of way to give money to. I used to give money to this guy on CBS.

It is crazy. It feels good. It's very, and not to get political, but it is insane that we can't solve a homeless crisis in a country that has this much money. That's a side. Here comes LibCat. Here comes LibCat.

When it was COVID, when it was the peak of COVID, and Ron and I were the only two people who were coming to the office, this block was a scene. We would get jerked off into all the time. Into. Coming on this block just on the weekends, it's even way worse. Solve it. Fuck de Blasio.

Wearing a JJO bracelet. Fuck Cuomo. Who's the new one? The new what? Garcetti. Garcetti? Garcetti? Fuck Garcetti.

Fuck Cuomo. Garcetti. Yeah, New York's a shit show. I actually don't think New York's that bad. I think people just overstate everything. I think we just live in a bad area. I've come to that conclusion. I don't think we live's that bad. I think people just overstate everything. I think we just live in a bad area. I've come to that conclusion. I don't think we live in a bad area at all.

Oh, you. No, you. No, yeah, you don't. Yeah, no, I do not. I thought you meant this. I thought you meant this office was in a bad area. Well, it is. Not really.

The biggest complaint about your area is too many proposals. Yeah. Yes, that's true. Or just photographers from all over the world desperate to see the beautiful scenery. Get out of here. I don't think anyone's ever brought a camera to our neighborhood. No, it's too beautiful. Maybe a crime scene investigator.

A homeless guy getting head one time standing up and he just looked at us and winked. I mean, game respect game. What if it was just like a CEO that was topping him off? Just like a wealthy ass woman. Game respect game. Game respect game, man. If I was a CEO, I'd top off the Just like a wealthy ass woman. Game respects game. Game respects game, man. If I was a CEO, I'd top off the homeless. Yeah.

And that's facts. Give back. Thank you. That would be a funny take on American Psycho. Instead of killing the homeless, he just sucks them all off. Is that one of your favorite movies? I haven't seen that movie in a while. No, I don't think so.

I like it, but it's not one of my favorites. The book was better. I never read the book. What? You know, it was directed by a woman. The book. Well, that explains. That explains a lot.

I've got to read the new Michael Lewis book. That's a cheat code for everyone. Michael Lewis, if he comes out with a new book, there's like a 95% chance it becomes a movie. I bought it. So you get ahead of it. Yeah, so you've got to get ahead of it. I bet you it will be a movie. I bought it. So you get ahead of it. Yeah, so you got to get ahead of it. I bet you it will be a movie. He likes movies.

He's Moneyball. Oh, wow. Big Short. Oh, fuck. Yeah, dude. The guy just, Blindside. What? The guy just makes book movies.

Book movies. And then you read the book, and then you can tell everyone that you read the book two years ago. That's what I used to do with Pilkey, Dave Pilkey. Well, who's Dave Pilkey? You know, you know. Well, tell us Dave Pilkey? You know, you know. Well, tell us what we know. You know, you know. Okay, fine.

You want to be fucking stingy with your authors? That's fine. We're doing book shit. Yeah, you want to fucking keep that shit from me? Give us a fucking Dyson fact while we're at it, Steven. I don't have it. That dozen question, by the way, where Jeff asked us books was high comedy. Why don't we run it back?

Because I know none of these guys watched it. What are the 25 best book series of all time? Harry Potter. We got that one. Lord of the Rings. Chronicles of Narnia. Magic Treehouse. Twilight.

There's no way that's true. Magic Treehouse. Magic School Bus? There's like 8,000 Magic Treehouse books. I never even heard of them. Can you pull up the clip of the question? That's by Mary Pope Osborne. on it? Magic School Bus? There's like 8,000 Magic Treehouse books. I never even heard of that. Can you pull up the clip of the question? That's by Mary Pope Osborne. I met her.

Am I right? That's a thing. Magic Treehouse. There's like 70 of them. Yeah. Hunger Games. Yes, we got that. I'm running out of juice.

Hatchet. Hatchet. I was doing the trivia from... Wasn't there a sequel? I survived. I was doing the trivia from my son's bedroom and I was looking at his book trying to cheat. I was like Frank with his pennies.

I am Malala. Was Diary of a Wimpy Kid not one? I don't think so. Captain Underpants. I think maybe one of those. Well, those are two. James Bond. We got two. No, no, no, no, no, no. Come on, Jeff.

It's gettable. Are you kidding me? Sports books? Is that what we're doing here? Do a different one. We could all agree. It's gettable. It's gettable.

I only know like five books. It's gettable. The Bible. I'm going to note something. Lord of the Rings. Lord of the Rings is not on here. This would be incredible if it was literally each team named five books. I think we'd still probably fail.

I would freeze on round four, no doubt. It has to be a series. Series books. Lord of the Rings is not on here. Lord of the Rings, they don't know how to properly tabulate how many have been sold. So it's not an answer. Don't throw Lord of the Rings out there. Because sometimes it's properly tabulate how many have been sold. So it's not an answer. Don't throw Lord of the Rings out there because sometimes it's all one book. Book knowledge.

Here we go. Yak, I'm done reading the question. Your 10 seconds will begin. Che, last thing you say is your team's answer. Rudy, you as well. Rudy, you're always a good player, and you say final answer. You can just say the answer. Just not to be the final.

Shout out, Rudy. Name the top 23 best-selling book series of all time of the year 2018 according to World Atlas. Oh, I got one. Harry Potter.

I was only like, Harry Potter. Good job. They had to get Harry Potter before they did. And Lord of the Rings does not count. I think we

I think we were both saying about it. We've been so long saying four, three, two, I think we I think we We've been so long Four Three Two The Bible?

The Bible What was the sequel to that? You didn't say anything I took the Bible I'm thinking so hard How does the Bible not count? Like Splinter Cell Or some shit like that

That's a good idea Five Four Three James Bond Two James. James Bond. James Bond. I didn't know that was a poll. How about like Jack Ryan books?

Patriot Games. Would Jack Ryan books suffice? I would accept that answer. Five. Jack Ryan. The only genre of books is just action movies. Fuck. Game of Thrones. Game of Thrones is just action movies. It sucks. Oh, yeah.

Game of Thrones. Game of Thrones. Game of Thrones is Lord of the Rings. What a question. No. No. What? I think we go Tom Clancy.

What? That's just the author, though. You got to guess. I don't know any. No, what are the old ones? Two. Rudy. Tom Clancy. Rudy, what Two, Rudy. Tom Clancy.

Rudy, what did you say? Tom Clancy. What about like the Divergent books and shit like that? Or a... Oh, children's books. What about children's books? Hunger Games. Hunger Games.

Hunger Games. You guys are pretty good. Oh, it wasn't one. Your mom, you need this to stay alive. I want to know what the list is. We'll see. In 2018? Oh, you're right.

Fine. Tucker Max. Two. You're getting something. Diary of a Wimpy Kid. Guess what? You're alive. That's on there.

Oh, let's fucking go. Yeah, 10 seconds for the win here. We got no shot at anything else. But we need one. Bears or some shit. I'm sitting in my son's room. Jay, three. Jay, two.

Bernstein Bears. That's actually on there. You've won the two points. Bernstein Bears was on there? That was so pathetic. Four book series. I also just realized the Bible's not a series. Wait, what is it?

Pause it. Pause it. Pause it. Pause it. pause it, pause it. Goosebumps. That makes sense. Clifford? Clifford the Big Red Dog? Oh, Fifty Shades of Grey we should have gotten.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's the thing. Even when they showed the answers, I was like, I still don't know. Peter Rabbit, Star Wars? Nah. Star Wars is a book? Yeah. I thought that. i was afraid to say

because i thought it would have sounded really how far do you think nancy drew if you were under pressure if you're under pressure and we said everyone has to name a book until a healthy healthy 11 yeah i was gonna say maybe nine nine nine come on nine books what do you a genius your brain would just start, like... I feel like any book. Any book. Yeah, if you... All right, go.

Let's go five seconds. No, please, let's not do this. No, no, I want to see Sass do it. Just Sass. Any book, because I have to be... Yeah. You have five seconds per book, and it resets every five seconds.

And if you don't get it in five seconds, you're out. One, two, three, four, five. Oh, wait, I thought we were... I thought we were counting down to start. You got zero. All right, go. All right, am I starting? Yes. Harry Potter.

One, two, three, four. Factotum. Five. Okay. Ham on Rye. Okay. Post Office. Okay.

One, two, three, four. The subtle art of not giving a fuck. One, two, three, four. Clifford. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. Clifford. One, two, three, four. Can't use ones for that. Five. That's five seconds.

I take it back. I take it back. I take it back. Not book guys. But when you're counting, it's way harder. All I can hear in the back is you. That's what we just said, under pressure. Right, under pressure.

It's like the old Billy Eichner when he went up. I just blanked. Name a woman. Name a woman. Name a woman. We were talking about that. It's like, ah, I don't know. Name a woman.

What was the name of a black guy that was funny? Keep going. Name a black guy. Either way, it was Fergie. It's sometimes, I guess it shouldn't be funny how stupid we are but it is funny yeah it is

and also sad it's funny it's a little sad smart people smart people just don't like participate in the same shit like they're not going

to concerts or watching sports on the weekend or anything like that they didn't know Annabelle Sanchez threw a no hitter for the Miami Marlins

they had no idea what number like Carlos Beltran was. They just don't know shit like that. It's like, okay, you're smart. You know policies in Central America or some shit. Policies. Imagine knowing policies.

I don't know policies. I have no policy. Name a policy. That might be the most boring word in the world. Name a policy. Fuck policies. Name a policy. I want to be law.

Name a policy. I don't know. Can we name. Fuck policies. Name a policy. Wannabe law. Name a policy. I don't know. Can we name one? Kindness is the best. No shoes, no service. What's the best policy? No shoes, no shirt, no service. Honesty.

Honesty. It's the best policy. Honesty. Honesty is the best policy. That's real. That's real shit. Put that on my grave. Yo, is Dave trying to steal numbies?

Yeah, and he's pawning it off as his own, by the way. I actually am happy we brought that up. Or he said his girlfriend told him about it. Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do about that. I know. I've been tagged in it like a hundred times. He's trying to plant his flag in Numbies. He's like Christopher Columbus.

He's like, yeah, they're doing Numbies. I love saying that, by the way. Yeah, no, it's over. It's over for you. We stopped saying it because we were saying it for too long. Too much Numbies. I love saying that by the way. Yeah, no, it's over. It's over for you. We stopped saying it because we were saying it for too long. Too much Numbies.

We were doing too many Numbies and then fucking Christopher Columbus comes up and fucking let's give him that word. Makes me think that he didn't come up

with Hardo. Ooh. Come on. Come on. I mean, I don't mean that. I don't mean that. I don't mean it but it makes me think that.

How could you do that? It starts making me question Smoke Show. Stop. Queen of the Toys? Stop. Stop. Where did Viva come from? Stop.

I promise you. Stop. I promise you, Phil. Now brought down the entire company. Am I the only one who, when people say numbies, I just pick a cocaine? Oh, like little numbies? Yeah. Yeah. Okay, fine. All right. I think of numbers just pick a cocaine. Oh, like little numbies? Yeah. Yeah.

Okay, fine. All right. I think of numbers. Okay, co-cat. I was just asking. When he kept on saying it, I was like, what's going on here? But yeah, it's stolen. It's gone.

Yeah, it's gone. You never get it back. And we're not going to say it anymore. We don't say that. You should see, you should do like a Michael Scott situation where Daryl gives him fake slang. You should come up with a phrase and see if it finds its way to Dave. Honestly, it's fan behavior.

Dave is the biggest one. You said he's going on the pod, no? He said he would come on the pod. Hell yes. I'll do numbers. Hard R's for us now. I don't know what we would talk about with Dave for an hour. Me and him have never even made eye contact before.

Well, that'd be a good place to start. Yeah. He could give you your performance reviews. Like, you could talk about all the things that you've wanted to talk about, all the imaginary conversations you've had here. You definitely had. I'm going to go into his office. You could tell him how your dad looks up to Dave as his idol.

Yeah. And has for a very long time. Viva. You should do a Viva chant with him. Yeah, that would be awesome. Do the Viva chant. We want to ask him. You going to go?

We got the whole fucking crowd going nuts. It was incredible. Remember the idea we had for the sketch, Rona, where we were all wearing Jankos? And then Dave walks into the office in skinny jeans? We talked about it on Son of a Boy Dad, like one of our first episodes. I want to make it really bad. Is it one of your best episodes? No.

Damn. The episode we did this week was one of our funnier ones. And the numbies support that I don't say it if it's a bad episode Because I don't want to misguide people It's like a pizza review Yeah But is it even a sketch or is it a prank on Dave

That we're just all wearing Jankos I think it was a sketch Dude I have a guy who hates your pizza review That was so funny What Bosco Rico said he has guys He threatened him on Pick'em I hate your pizza review. That was so funny. What? Bosco. Rico said he has guys.

He threatened him on Pick'Em. He threatened Dave. Dave and I do this thing where we pretend that we don't realize Rico's on a text chain and talk about him. Yeah. And then when he's like, fuck you guys, we're like, oh, fuck. We didn't know you were on there. So he's like, I got some guys. I got some dark alley guys that I could add to you to a text chain. Guys who don't like your pizza reviews.

Freddy Hammer. Cold callers. One of the wildest threats of all time. That can't be true. Especially with the new high score alert that just came in this week. Was that a 9-3? 9-3 out in BK. Yeah, I saw that.

I got to go there. Got to go out there. The line's probably crazy now, though. I broke my phone. I dropped it and went to it, yeah. Holy shit. Viva. It was good.

Viva. Fucking Viva, man. How about a Dyson fact, though, Steve? Yeah, what is it? You've been sitting on this. All right. So KB sent me a text. Okay.

Wait, do the Roman swipes read first? Roman swipes. I don't have it. I don't do a print-up. Come on, bro. Roman swipes. Roman swipes. Roman swipes are a clinically proven way to last longer in bed.

They're effective, easy to use, fast-acting, and do not require a prescription. Roman can ship swipes to you in a discreet, unmarked package and each swipes packet is small enough to hide in your wallet for whenever you need it. They're super easy to use. Just take swipes out of the packet, swipe it on, let it dry and you're good to go. That is it. Where do you swipe it? On your penis. Go to

GetRoman.com slash yak to get your first month of swipes for just $5 when you choose a monthly plan. That's GetRoman.com slash yak. Do your first month of swipes for just $5 when you choose a monthly plan. That's GetRoman.com slash yak. Swipe your penis. Okay, so KB sent me a text to confirm the inexpensive price of a Dyson. So, KB, I've gotten that tweet you sent me. Just pull it up.

Pulled up. This Dyson cordless vacuum alternative costs only $80. Mr. Zah, please click on that link. God damn it. Oh, man. Damn, he got you. Yo, he got you. Oh, he is cackling in there.

I sent you two texts. Oh, he is cackling in there. I sent you two texts. Oh, you just sent me one just now. No, it must have just came through. Literally just now. What are you listening to, Seth? Seth, what are you listening to? If I could swipe. This says, today only take $80 off a refurbished Dyson Animal 2.

Refurbished? Dude, you never get to refurbish. You took it to a body shop? Someone's underneath the hood of your Dyson trying to fucking install a six-cylinder? Where's Brandon? Here. What is he doing? He doesn't like us no more?

He is here. Grant's about to be brothers-in-law with Stu. Stu Feiner? Oh, yeah. What happened there? Were lines crossed or no? I mean, Stu Feiner? Ask yourself that question.

He's a habitual line stepper. Stu Feiner loves overstepping lines. Crushed, sniffed, and crossed. It's his favorite line stepper. Crush, sniff, then crossed. Loves overstepping lines. Crush, sniff, then crossed. It's his favorite thing to do. I love that about him. I love that about him. That's why he's not an employee.

You see the TikTok of the guy who went on a date with a girl, beat her in pool, and then... Yeah, that was pretty sweet. I enjoyed it. Dude posted her W's, and he went home. He beat a girl in pool, and then he just left. Sick. So sick.

She didn't even get a chance to shoot. He got a free drink, and then he left. He fucked all of his roommates, his homies. They watched porn together and jerked off. They got hard together and did their show 10 minutes later. So. So, that's pretty fucking sweet. We got seven more minutes. Who's here tomorrow?

I will be here tomorrow. I'll be here tomorrow. Okay, great. You in here? I'm not. I'm not. I might bring in a musical guest tomorrow. Gable Stevenson's in the city.

Really? Have him come in? Run Link Game? You want me to? Who the fuck is Gable Stevenson? Two of my wrestling boys. Are they? He's with them. So, you have have the link You don't need the link

Who's Gable Stevenson He's the American hero Steve-son Steve-son Steve-son Dumbass Why did you say Steve-son

It's hard It's hard It is hard It's one of those names It's like come on dude Just put an extra Yeah It's missing an N

Yeah We need to give him an N So you need a link I don't know if I It's like, come on, dude. Just put an extra... Yeah. It's missing an N. Yeah. We need to give him an N. Mm-hmm. So you need me to link? I don't know if I can make that call just inviting people into the office. Why wouldn't you be able to? What, are the security guards going to stop Gable Stevenson? All right.

Yeah, tell him to come through. That'd be cool. He's a Barstool athlete. Have him come on. That'd be sick. It'd actually Barstool athlete. Have him come on. That'd be sick. It'd actually be great to watch him wrestle you. No, I'm going to wrestle Johnny DeJulius. Okay.

That's a made-up name. No. Johnny DeJulius. We should hire him. What does he do besides wrestle? He's always doing extreme things, like skydiving. Jumping out of a helicopter. You about to take Donnie's spot, bro?

Donnie's doing our extreme shit. I ain't doing that. Donnie Jujulius? Johnny. Johnny Jujulius. With a D? Johnny with a D? Johnny Jujulius or Donnie Jujulius?

Like Django? Like Johnny? Is there a D? It begins with a J. JD? Johnny. Come on, boys. A Juris Doctorate?

Or he's a DJ? Yeah, which one I might have a musical guest Named Jack K Is coming tomorrow No way Just every time Wrestling is just always A mockery

It can't be anything But a mockery I can never talk about it Seriously It is so funny They just suppress all Every time KB brings up wrestling My one true passion

Can't let him have Nothing Never once Just even his name We just have to Just bash it Yeah. Nothing. Never once. Just even his name, we just have to bash it. Yeah, that is fucked up. I'm not going to change. We should let you spread your wings.

Yeah. But we won't. Listen, we're not going to change our behavior, but we acknowledge that our behavior is wrong. Got you. Thank you.

That's what drives him to drink, I think. Johnny DeJulius. If we just let him be himself, he wouldn't be drinking as much. And Johnny DeJulius is like the James Harden of wrestling. He's like the 10th best player. Really?

He's tough. Really? Who's the GOAT right now? Gable. Gable. He won the American, he won the gold medal. I mean, Spencer Lee for college. So he's like Durant.

He was on Bussin. What about Ferrari? He's up there. National champ. Love it. Badass. You gotta know a lot. I do.

Ferrari's the man. My biggest problem is when I do a bit of fake fandom, it just slowly ends up, because I love sports, I slowly end up becoming a real fan. That's KB with soccer. Soccer I like. Filipino architecture. Yeah. Soccer. like. Filipino architecture.

Yeah. Soccer, lacrosse. No. Yeah. Who's the goat that lacks these days? Just retired. Paul Rabel. Rabel's the goat, dude.

He's the new goat. Rabel's such the goat. I don't know who the new goat is. Rambo? The guy who plays for Duke, maybe? Bakari Rambo? Matt Rambo? The guy who plays for Duke, maybe? Bakari Rambo?

Matt Rambo? Probably one of my high school bullies. Rambo? One of my tormentors. Yeah. Everyone from my high school went D1 in La Crosse. And they all made fun of you. Oh, yeah.

Well, guess what? When we sell out the United Center... They're not going to be invited to the Green Room. Uh-uh. Pussies. Oh, there's Brandon. we sell out the United Center. They're not going to be invited to the Green Room. Uh-uh. Pussies. Oh, there's Brandon. Oh. Fucking jerk-off.

Let's see if we can get him in here, and then the minute he sits down, we'll end the show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nah, let's flip it on him, because that's what he'd expect from us. Brandon! Brandon! Here he is, just sauntering in. He's pissed. So what's the... He might be michael from the office

what's the deal here you just don't do this show anymore no where's nick right when uh where's you where are you yeah focus on yourself showed up 57 minutes late you're like hey where's nick right when pick central and jen simons came and got me and said we have the the Sling TV people, the executives up there, they want to meet with you. So I had to go to a meeting with Sling TV for the Brandon Walker College Football Show. For 57 minutes. You ever been in those meetings? Must have been a big meeting. What'd they say?

Your show sucks, wish we had Lowering the Bar? The Brandon Walker College Football Show is the number one show on Sling TV. What? Let's go. Congrats. On the Barstool Channel. Okay. On the Barstool Channel. Okay. On the Barstool Channel.

That's the only show we have. Big difference there. Well, yeah, we put a lot of things on there. We have shows? Yeah, we put the college football show on there. We put everything on there. We put every show we got. We put The Dozen on there.

Son of a Boy Dad? Is it on there? Probably not. You had a Michael Scottish moment before the- Do a Michael Scottish voice. That's what she said. But before you got Candice, the first clip of that,

when they were like, hey, can you hear me? And you were like, no. And you looked in the control room and gave them a nod or something like that. Look how clever I am. Destroyed their asses asses no i thought i was having fun i thought i was getting the jump on that guy yeah and he had your ass he buried me yeah but he did fail the first time he asked me if i drove a yukon and he didn't pounce on that opportunity i don't

remember why you can't suck these nuts or something yeah something like that that was the first setup i didn't get it and then then Candice just got me. When did we get all these new dick in your mouth jokes? Oh, brother. You're missing out, man. They've been around for years. How many are there? I didn't know Candice was one.

Yeah. No, that one's biblical. There's like 40. You can really make them out of anything. You know what I mean? Can you all make a list so I don't get got like that again? No, brother. Because there will always be a new one.

There's always some Bart Simpson out there who will be coming up with a... The hot new dick in your mouth joke. Yeah, there's a lot. Didn't Stu get you with one of those? It's hard to keep up. What? There's one that people keep tweeting me, Sawcon. What's that?

Sawcon this dick. Okay, that's what it is. Slawbunnies. Every day I get some random person being like, hey, you going to Sawcon? And I'm like, I don't know what that is, but I know enough to know. Ligma? Slawbunnies is the new one that I didn't know. And also, I mean, if you're a show.

Slawbunnies? What's that? Can't say I've heard that one. Slawbunnies. Slawbunnies nuts. Do you like potato salad? Slawbunnies? Slaw bunnies nuts. Yeah, yeah.

I think that's a TJ. Someone dropped matter baby on me the other day. What's that? Huh? What's the matter? So what is it? What's the payoff here? Is it so fucked up that you can't say? Give us the fucking payoff. Someone dropped matter baby on me. What's the payoff here? Is it so fucked up that you can't say? Give us the fucking payoff.

It's a matter baby on me. What's the matter baby? Oh, God. There it is. Nothing. Fuck. You. Brandon and I.

That's it? It's a sub-dog? Yeah. It's a sub-dog. I got to go do the pro football football show. Yeah, me too. Good luck. No.

You guys can keep going. You guys can keep going. You guys will probably cover fitness on that show. Fitness dick in your mouth Good luck. No, you guys can keep going. You guys will probably cover fitness on that show. Fitness dick in your mouth. Let's get the fuck out of here. Bye. For a while it's the act It's the act It's the act Yes Thank you.