The Yak - Down Bad, Diminutive Beds, And Devilish Beards

Episode Date: January 22, 2021

Down Bad...You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. I feel like I could win a fight. Caleb's not coming in. We're just not doing yak style coffee anymore? We get goatees and we're not doing yak style coffee? We had this conversation on Friday. Yeah, but that was for Pick Central. You said... I wanted a hot coffee. You already have headphones on, Kyle.

Let's see Roan's goatee. I'm going to whip mine out. Roan has failed. Oh! He didn't do anything. This looks like you look last week. It's horrible. It's so bad.

What about the size? It's so bad. Why is the side so wide out? It's an upside down Fu Manchu. It curls underneath. It goes all the way to your cheeks. All the way out here? It goes around the corner, yeah.

Mine doesn't connect like that, so I had to kind of wing it out. I'm not going to lie. I'm not even laughing at yours. I'm laughing at KB's. I keep catching my eye on you. Look at this little guy. Yeah, what you got? Come on, man.

I'm working on my shit. If you vote for Biden, I'll kill you. I didn't vote for Biden. You need to get some Just For Men in that, like KB. No, don't even start that rumor. Don't even start that, Navy Blue. KB forgot to wash it out. That's how good the Just For Men is.

Shit. If I put Just For Men, it would just be paint on my face connecting. There's nothing to hang on to. It, like, fluffs up and thickens hair, I think. I think you look good. I don't. I don't. You don't feel good.

I've been getting... Girls love it. My Ukrainian neighbor upstairs baked me a chocolate babka. What? Yeah, like, she delivered it. Because of the goatee? She claimed it was an apology for her kid making a lot of noise late at night. Got it.

The kid you're going to kidnap. She was like, here's it. She tried to leave. She was like, here's the babka. It's a dessert. It's like a turnover braided. She tried to leave? No, no, no.

You're going to come in here and show me how to eat it. Because I've never had one of these. Put this in my mouth. We have a second. Well, he's leaving. I was going to say we have a second reveal that he tweeted it out. But we haven to eat it. I've never had one of these. Put this in my mouth. Well, he's leaving. I was going to say we have a second reveal that he tweeted it out, but we haven't seen it yet. Steven's walking in right now. Oh, he's lowering up the screen.

Here, put it in here, Steven. You can just shove it down into the hole. Are you talking like that from now on? Yeah. This is goatee boys. Everyone kind of makes you want to get a little lower. It looks like you have a field goal post on your chin i like it it's the upside down fuma at you bro like a transformers logo do you guys feel good no like i feel like i could win a fight i feel great i i told i told rowan earlier that i for the first time in my life i think i

look like i feel like i feel like a fat scumbag, and I look like a fat scumbag. You're going to have to play defense, though, because your beard's going to start coming back quick. You've got to keep this thing clean. But it's nice to have the symmetry in my own personal life that how I'm feeling inside, which is like a slug, gross human being, I can now show it to everyone when they look at my face. The big dog shirt had to do that.

I'm a big dog. I said, yeah, I mean, Owen looks like a French pedophile. Yeah. Best kind of pedophile to look like. Yeah, definitely. You do look European. In the pantheon of pedophiles, that is the best one. But what's the age of consent in France?

It's pretty low, isn't it? So you have to be really sick to be a French pedophile. Literally rob the cradle. There's a writer who was pissed that he got canceled because he wrote all those books being like, I love pedophilia. He's like, why is this happening to me? What book was that? He wrote like a book.

He was like best friends with the president and he was like, this is bullshit. Like, everyone used to love me. What book was that? He wrote like a book. He was like best friends with the president and he was like, this is bullshit. Like, everyone used to love me. The French president? Now all of a sudden pedophilia is taboo. Suddenly it's wrong for me to date a 14-year-old? This is fucking bullshit.

I feel like we look like a strong crew right now. You know who was a pedophile? Joseph from the Bible. Mother of God. Seth. Oh. Seth wasn't a pedophile. He just dated pedophiles.

I just want you to talk about Seth. He only fucked pedophiles. How fast could we change attire as a group now? We definitely look like AutoZone, Jiffy Lube crew. Nick looks like he could put a carburetor in for you. No, I look like Lin-Manuel Miranda. You do. There's four picks.

Tweet those out. Nope. It does kind of suck to see people with goatees. You can't tell which one is Nick. It sucks to see people with goatees and they're doing it for real. Like Donnie walked in in the middle of goatee night last night. And I was like, whoops. Yeah, we're

mocking that. Straight up. He asked me, he was like, he pointed to me and he said, is that what I look like? I said, yeah, Donald. Daniela asked me if I got a haircut this morning. A face haircut. It's actually a great

style because my chin is very fat and it's covered up. But I also don't have a beard. You just look good. Yeah. We're going to rank the goatees? Sure. I think you're one. I mean, he looks two.

KB, no, I think KB might be one. It's got me turned on. You're wearing a hat that just has a beaver on it. And it just says be one. It's got me turned on. You're wearing a hat that just has a beaver on it. And it just says beaver. KB has a goatee that would fit your face. I have a fat one. I like it. I like KB's goatee. She wasn't necessarily

trying to fuck me. But what was the word? She was succeeding at fucking me. My Ukrainian neighbor. I fucked her. Twice. Thrice.. I fucked her. That's so dope. Twice. Really?

Thrice. What? Thrice. Triple header. For both of you? Yeah, best of three series. I won in the last. Home and home?

I won in the rubber match. At the home field. Yeah, I had to put a condom on for round three. I had a flare up. I always win the rubber match. She has a husband. I'm worried about that. And a kid.

What's he going to say to you? You got a fucking goatee. You can't speak English. She's the only one in the family that can. So you're good. Is it broken English or she speaks good English? Yeah, it's pretty rough.

Damn. Give the babka back. As a sorry I fucked your wife three times. Or make a babka for them. I don't know how to make a babka. Or some pierogies. It's not a pleasant looking dessert. It looks burnt.

Make them a latke then. Maybe a potato pancake. Yeah, maybe. Oh, man. He was DB. maybe a potato pancake yeah maybe oh man he was DB speaking of which, DB when you moved to New York City

one piece of advice I give to you unless you're just absolutely flush with cash DB don't buy, rent an apartment rent maybe and even if you do rent. Do your research. Thoroughly.

Or just in any way. Because some people just refuse to do any research. Yeah. One of our good friends and member of the Yak, Owen. Yeah. Zero research. He just looked at the pictures. I don't know how.

Yeah. Oh, oh, this looks. I don't even know if he did that. I don't even know either. Signed a lease and his apartment uh lacking a lot of necessities i would say yeah they are necessities literal necessities and he's the youngest member of the yak by a lot and we had to take it into our hands he's our little bro he is the little bro he is the little bro bro i feel like he's here right now. Little bro. Little bro.

And, you know, I always toss his hair. Jay can't keep his hands off Owen's hair. Messing around. And he's a little bro. Little bro. Don't tell me you signed little bro. Well, he did. He did.

And he has an interesting landlord dynamic. He does. And his landlord, they've had some back and forth.. Call her daddy fan says he's friends with Alex Cooper. We all it feels like it does. But he he he wants to get them beers. He wants to go out with them. He wants to treat them like his bros. But he also doesn't want to give them what they need to literally survive no microwave no internet no outlets oven nothing mitts and he's been trying and trying and he's been asking nicely and that was his first mistake you gotta bend db don't break don't break and uh we made sure of that when we took matters into our own

hands and texted well you'll see what we did. No, you won't. You'll hear. And you'll hear that right now. Mount Rushmore and goatees. All right, what else have we got? This is one of those ideas that we just did. You're going to squeeze five days out of this shit?

Yeah, no, this is. I thought it was going to change our personas and make us talk crazy. I thought it was. I thought we were. I'm a little tired, but yeah, I'll talk crazy. I want to intimidate somebody. What do we do? I want to call Owen's landlord.

Let's get a lot lizard. I want to call someone. What's going on there? I feel violent. Yeah, what's going on with your landlord? You pussy. What did I say? You have a goatee.

I said that this is the week that we're going to have to walk in. This is why we did it. Yeah, we did. Part of the reason why we did it, we did it to strong arm Sirius and strong arm your landlord. What the fuck, bro?

No, I've been sending increasingly... No. Send us the last one. Send us the last one. Let's call him. And then send him a picture of us. Like, hey, pal.

We're getting increasingly angry at you. Increasively. Yeah. Can I just have Roan FaceTime him? Sure. That's not going to help your cause, bro. If it was just your voice, maybe. We haven't mentioned Caleb sent a picture.

He's goateed up. Looks awesome. Looks great. Is he coming in or not? No. No. He's goateed up. Looks awesome. Looks great. Is he coming in or not? No. No. He's in Dallas. KB and Nick look like you have a truck driver vibe.

He's goateed in Texas. You guys are very. This is where you want to be. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. We should get a lot lizard for the show. Owen. Owen.

Yeah. Owen. Jenny Jizz. I wouldn't mind getting sucked. I wouldn't mind getting sucked with the boys. We were saying the same thing earlier. We'd mind getting sucked. I wouldn't mind getting sucked with the boys. We were saying the same thing earlier. We all get sucked. I feel like Jenny Jizz's clientele almost exclusively has goatees.

Yeah. Maybe that's why she hasn't been answering you. We weren't goateed. Read us the last text. Landlord or Jenny Jizz? This is going to be beta max. Yeah. It's going to be sick.

Why are you scrolling so far? Hey, just checking in Yeah. It's going to be sick. Why are you scrolling so fast? Hey, just checking in again. I'm trying to find it. Don't have... It's 22 degrees in the apartment right now. Outlets are overrated. I'm watching Anchorman for the fifth time on my phone. But the Wi-Fi...

Well, we don't have Wi-Fi. I will pay next month's rent today if we could get some Wi-Fi and a working text router. You're literally going to pay him extra? Early? You're bribing him into Wi-Fi? No, it's the other way. He's strong on you. I will not pay next month's rent at all.

And did he respond? No response. That is the worst negotiating technique ever. Let's call him and be like, hey, this is six men with goatees. We're representing Owen. Hey, you want to be more liquid? I'll give you more cash right now if you can help me out with this basic necessity. He might as well have written you a ransom note.

It's like you're not going to get your precious cable until you pay me next month's rent. He's so intimidated with the threat of you paying him early every month. Spectrum has came four times. Why don't we do this? Spectrum has came four times. Why don't we do this, Olin? You trust us, right? Us guys? Go team. More than anything. Let's do a little like ad libs, where you pass the phone down, and each of us

writes one sentence to your landlord in a paragraph. Here we go. Start it, Nick. Let's go, Nick. They have to all kind of link together. And then KB will hit send. No nonsensical bullshit. Read it out loud, Nick.

Listen up, wise guy. Alright, he's passing it off to Brandon. I'm having fun. This is fun. Your situation couldn't get worse though oh and like us sending uh some belligerent text message is not going to put you in more dire straits no yeah you have nothing to lose yeah agree read it out loud the whole point is you read it out loud

well i gotta write people who are who are in brandon it's no i'm just setting up the it's time you are using your pointer finger alone type? It's time you and I have a real discussion about this apartment. That's kind of a cuck move. How's that a cuck move? Because you don't have discussion. That is a feminine move. Let's have a discussion. Communication is...

You just said a feminine term. Here's the words of a blonde goatee. Here's the discussion. Fix it. All of it. Now. Fuck, you're right. I bitched out.

So that's mine. So, so far we have, listen up wise guy. It's time you and I have a real discussion about this apartment. Here's the discussion. Fix it. All of it. Now. See, it works together.

Rowan's about to turn this into like a haiku. No, no. I'm just going to say this shit has gone on long enough. Oh, and I see you're getting a little nervous. I will not screw you over. Not me. I'm excited to see. Is Sasquatch in that group chat?

Yeah. Oh, this is going to be good. KB can save it by just being like, end of the day, we'll give you anything you want. Listen up, wise guy. It's time you and I have a real discussion about this apartment. Here's the discussion. Fix it. All of it.

Now. This shit has gone on long enough. KB? Please, bitch. Please, bitch. Please, bitch. I'm going to add some ellipses. Savage. Ooh, three commas in a row?

KB, how sarcastic. This is goatee. Maybe we throw an emoji at the end with the goatee. Is there a goatee emoji? I think there is. I think that would be at least explains what's going on. You have to bring up the goatees. Wait, so Sass and Evan and Dudes are on this text?

Go get them. Yeah. Get them ready. I want them in here. Don't tell them why. I want them in here when the text goes through. So hold them outside, Brandon. This is great. This is great.

This is fun. I'm having fun as a goatee guy. I also feel like, what is he going to say? Whatever he says, I'll spit in his face. I will literally spit in his face. Or no, we'll FaceTime him and we'll spit all over your phone. Yeah, I'll get a tie. Who did that?

Who? Who? Fuck. Someone FaceTimed and then spit all over their phone KB is still texting Oh machine gun texting Oh he keeps on sending Sending

Nah I'm helping you out A little bit Making it less awkward Oh it's real bros I think Simi Valley Facetiming Smash that phone He's like that's your phone dude

Make it as awkward As you guys would like I have some bad news Oh no There is no goatee emoji Oh no phone, dude. Make it as awkward as you guys would like. I have some bad news. Oh, no. There is no goatee emoji. Oh, no. We are a persecuted class. Oh, no. Just attach a picture of a search goatee emoji. It's got to be

our goatee emoji. Either or. Yeah, search goatee emoji and then send it to us. KB, stop leaving us in the dark, man. What do you have, KB? Break it down. Somebody.

Okay, listen up, wise guy. It's time you and I have a real discussion about this apartment. Here's the discussion. Fix it. All of it. Now. This shit has gone on long enough. Ellipses.

LOL, but for real. You're my guy. And we love you to death. Just need this shit fixed ASAP. Or, well, dot, dot, dot. Send it. Send it. Send it.

Send it. Send it. I got an update about the guys. I'll give it to Owen Send it Evan and Dukes are not here yet And Sass is at lunch I believe I got you

So none of them are here Even better They'll find out after I wrote this It's been sent Wait we need it back again I actually want another one More aggressive No just get

Search a goatee emoji Just copy paste Alright here's the whole thing We're eating it back So this is This is to This is to Owen's landlord Who has been leaving him in the dark No, just search a goatee emoji. Copy-paste. All right, here's the whole thing. We're eating it back. So this is... This is to Owen's landlord who has been leaving him in the dark, not hooking him up with basic necessities and utilities. But also likes Caller Daddy and wants to be your friend.

Like, get you beers. He has invited me out for beers. Is that like Call of Duty, but you have to, like... My mind was on Warzone. It's Warzone, but you have to like suck everybody's dick. It's not a final play. I can't believe you said, I will pay next month's rent today. Call of Daddy.

What are you doing? Call of Daddy. Give me your clock now. I need one. I'm into zombies. I'm best at zombies. Is that a ghost vagina? You just like necrophilia.

All right, here it is. And it has been said. Listen up, wise guy. It's time you and I have a real discussion about this apartment. Here's the discussion. Fix it. All of it. Now.

This shit has gone on long enough. Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot. LOL, but FR. For real. You're my guy. We love you to death. Just need this shit fixed ASAP. Or, dot, dot, dot, well, dot, dot, dot.

Leaves it open-ended. Open for interpretation. I can't wait to see what everyone else is going to say. What is his move? Does he have a lawsuit for that? Threaten? He's been threatened violently? I don't know.

What was the violence? This is bullshit, man. I saw no violence. We gotta get your shit fixed. You have no outlets. You have no outlets in your room. You have no internet. I really want to see it pop up here. I want to see him pop up. Rooftops, nice. Should we send him a picture of our goatees? Fuck, that's what we forgot to do.

Let's get in. We gotta get in tight. KB, get in the front row, KB. We need somebody to take the picture. I got it. You can take it yourself. Oh, we're all over here? Okay. Okay.

Steven, talk while we're not talking. All right, the guys are huddled up, taking a goatee picture to look intimidating and sent to the landlord. Yeah, Roan should probably be slightly out of the picture. Roan should hide his face behind Owen. Yeah. Does not look good.

The picture is taken. They're all cackling to themselves. And the picture is being sent to Owen's landlord. I'm sending this to the yak. Can someone tweet it? Someone at Owen tweet that. Tell him I want Fios now, too. Does your building get Fios?

No. All right. You should be able to talk into all remotes. I'm going to see. Sass is probably freaking out. He doesn't like that kind of confrontation. I feel like we could just ask them nicely oh yesterday steven on stream you were like i guess you were like let's go mike edwards yeah sass sent that clip

to us and was like did steven che just say let's go my n words on stream like you said let's go my n words let's go he was dude, this could be a problem. I can play it. Yeah. Yeah, play it. Mike Edwards, for reference, Mike Edwards is a safety who got an interception. Go ahead and play it. Mike.

Mike N-Words. Freaking N-Words scissor hands over there. Mike Edwards. Mike Edwards, let's go. No, it sounds like my cat works in Mexico It does Sasquatch's mind is Elsewhere

In this picture it looks like I don't have any Facial hair Oh and any responses Dukes texted separately and said LOL our shit's gonna be fixed Tonight Yeah he knows You got the big boys on it

We told you we were gonna have to step in if you didn't get it fixed Has he fixed anything? No Landlords have guys right He came in and fixed the oven but It's not actually fixed it smells like burnt plastic So he hasn't fixed it The oven's probably the thing you want to fix the least

Right? You guys want to use an oven. KB, can you give us a couple lines of Jim Rome? I don't. I don't think I can. I think you could. I just don't know who he is. Totally.

Rack him. He's just looking in the mirror. What? You look exactly like him. Do I look like Jim? You look very much like Jim Rohn. I'm trying to think who you look like, Rohn. A girl.

A young girl. A man without a goatee. A woman. A regular person. It's definitely a boy. A bare-faced woman. I look like a... A they-them.

A hairy nun. Tweet that exchange from Jack. Okay, perfect. I look badass in this picture. Yeah, you do. You look better. You do. I do look better.

You should lean into this. It's the saltiest part of you, the saltiest, pepperiest part of you, which is shocking considering your diet. Dan, I'm going to need more of these goatee shirts. I stole this one from the pile before you got rid of it. That is a goatee shirt. You look like someone who would ask to swing with your wife within five minutes. I looked in my closet and said, which shirt goes with the goatee?

This was the one that came up. I had a couple of NASCAR shirts. You Googled it or response? You got a response? Yeah, what did he say? Goatee. This was the one that came up. I had a couple NASCAR shirts. You Googled it or response? You got a response? Yeah. What did he say? We're in contact with Spectrum about resolution, doing everything we can. We have the construction department working with us to expedite whatever needs to be done.

That wasn't an answer, though. Let's go. That wasn't an answer. That wasn't an answer. Imagine. We hit him back. Tire of these non-answers. It might be a FaceTime type beat.

No, not that type beat. Pass it down. Let's start it the other way. Let's answer him in a picture. We text him again? We're going to be contemplating it this time? Did you guys do a lower half? A scrotee?

A scrotee. I have an appliance server to come for the discussion. What do you think? I'd like another message start with KB he saw that and still answered completely professionally that's definitely the first time you've gotten

an answer that quickly right so we're getting some progress the goatee moves people alright we need a little bit of seriousness in this KB so start us off we need a little bit of seriousness in this, KB, so start us off. We actually be like, but you've said this before. If you could just use one motherfucker,

I don't know which one of you wants to, but. Heard this song and dance before. Dot, dot, dot. That didn't really require a dot, dot, dot. I love ellipses. Yeah, they just add a layer of creepiness. I'm an elliptomaniac. Ellipsomaniac.

Ellipsomaniac. Ellipse of an angel. We also have to do a show in between doing these messages, I feel like. What'd you say? We have to do a show in between the messages? We're doing the show. Go right to Thursday. What do you got for Thursday?

Damn, bro. Damn, bro. DB. I got nothing. What do you say when you have nothing? You're put on the spot. You have nothing. You're in a pinch. What's your natural reaction to something like that oh that's right and uh yeah we may have worn out the what oh but that won't stop us no we're gonna say it more oh yeah but uh we talked about what oh we said what oh um and then we got into a few what ohs of our own little sass his uh he's in a what oh

he has a he's a dainty bed a dainty bed yeah i'm real dainty very dainty it almost made me think that little sasquatch was pulling our leg he may have been uh but we'll never know he's a secretive man uh let's get into that and uh maybe even a little bit of gossip about some of our coworkers. Dave's guy, Kevin. Maybe that's coming up. I know it is for a fact, but I'm saying maybe. Yeah, no, it is. DB?

Dave's Bonner? Dave's guy? God damn. I was ready for that one. Drew Barrymore. Drew Barrymore. There we go I had to end on something

I had to get the last DB in You know me You got it in there quick Don't blink and you'll miss it Was that That's a DB What is that Don't blink

Yeah Yeah yeah yeah Oh let's just bend it Like whom You know what Forget it I used to fuck around with a tanner a leather smith tanner tanner yoho that is an act we gotta stop using real names yeah

bad yeah they either listen or they they're like one degree of separation from someone who listens. We use Carter Huffman every day. Always bad. The realest dude. He gets a raucous laugh out of the two of you. My sister's friend was like, you said something about one of your friends getting a boner. Logan Seidler tucking his boner in his waistband. Which is probably true. Probably happened.

People from Wheeling, they'd think, oh my. It was spreading like gossip my it was like spreading like gossip yeah it was it was in the paper yeah it was in the wheeling intelligence sir logan seidler the business section you gotta chill boner and waistband yeah i just we gotta we need just a list of fake names it's hard to come up with fake names on the fly do the people that you guys say like you you guys both actually know, like you guys both know Logan, whatever his name is? He was my best friend. Really? Well, it's probably not

as bad. He doesn't know how to use his name. But like, yeah, Boner and Wasteman isn't damning. No. We all did it. But, oh yeah. Some of those senior superlatives we've talked about. Yeah. What was that? I ask that every show.

Sometimes we say somebody's name and I'm just like, I think one of them was like our worst driver or most dead. We used a real person's name. Yeah. A really specific last name too. It's like reading a shorthand notebook, like someone who just like can jot down a very, very short notes to themselves and have a whole conversation.

They kind of just communicate and grunts back and forth sass. And, uh, he gets the joke across though. I think it, the web, it feels funny. Whoa.

Uh, it's hitting at a 100%. No, no, no. Someone just DM me. Ooh, wait, how do I think it feels funny. Whoa, uh-oh. It's hitting at 100%. No, no, no. Someone just DM'd me. Wait, how do you spell it, though? Whoa. No, save it, save it. We send voice messages.

I thought it was like, whoa, uh-oh. We do send voice messages. Whoa, uh-oh. Whoa, uh-oh. Whoa, uh-oh. Yeah. Whoa. Hey, KB, the guy I work with hates when you guys do the uh-oh skit. So please do it as much as you can.

Thank you, Tyler. What did you say when you read that? I said, I was like, I looked at it and I pondered the fact that someone doesn't like that. And I was like, oh. I thought that was comedic gold. It's not? Well, Sass is Owen's roommate. I'd like to hear his perspective on how things went down this week.

I genuinely forgot I lived with you. This week? What happened this week? Texting the landlord. Oh, yeah. I mean, he doesn't give a fuck. Nothing changed. Nothing changed. Just let him buy you a beer. Get back with him said some goofy shit. He doesn't give a fuck. Like he nothing changed. Nothing changed. I'll buy you a beer. You guys got to know him to a beer.

Did he drop that beer off? No, no, because no one said what kind you like. Yeah, I didn't respond to your favorite. I would. Was he actually going to give us beer? Yeah, he asked me what my favorite beer is. Really? Yeah. Jack Mack said I should try and like frame it as some IPA, but it's actually

just like the link to a router. Yeah, that would be funny as fuck. Especially if it wound up with you guys getting internet. Yeah. Yeah. That would be funny. You know what would be really funny is if we could like connect to the wife, if like we like could go on our laptops or something when we were at our apartment that is greedy though

that's a little bit greedy if you're home a ton oh i'm always home well you've been staying late though i saw you here at like six oh there's like no there's no reason to go home there's nothing there's nothing the only thing that it offers me is a bed even yesterday i left you were still here burning the midnight oil burning the candle of both ends he also uh i brought a couple uh co-workers home friday night and we went into sass's room to say hello his bed is in the middle of his room it doesn't touch a single wall that's japanese all right it's not japanese i only do it because i because there's like i'm everyone knows there's no outlets in our apartment. And the only outlet is on the opposite side of my bed.

So I have to move my bed closer to the outlet at night. The bed also, keep in mind, the mattress is, what, two inches thick max. The bed weighs like 15 pounds. 10 inch. Yeah. Therapeutic. Yeah. Mattress topper.

So it's a pretty, it's one swift motion that i just pull the bed into the center of the two inch thick mattress the mattress is probably it's this that's a boogie board it's not it's an extra firm two inch mattress i can't conceptualize location device it's a little string at the end of it i tie my ankle so i don't fall off the bed the apartment like looked nice it is nice but but it's, like, a fragile apartment. Like, everything is, like, one. It's nice. I think it's just a show apartment.

It feels like everything is, like, one step away from, like, breaking. You live in an Ikea showroom. Yeah, exactly. You walk up the stairs, and you're like, these aren't sturdy. These could just collapse at any second. Like, I shouldn't be able to hear Evan and Dukes coming down the stairs from a mile away. Do you have a bed frame or box spring? Uh, yeah.

Bed frame, right? You don't know. I don't know. It's all new. You'll get all that shit. So you have a bed frame, but no box spring and a two inch thick mattress. So you're two inches away from steel. Yeah.

Yes. Right. I know prison setups that are better than that. Oh, no, it's not. It's like a couch cushion. So you're two inches away from steel. Yeah. Yes. Right? I know prison setups that are better than that. Oh, no. It's not a mattress. It's like a couch cushion. It's not a mattress. Like, no one would describe that as a mattress.

You could do things about that, though. I'm not going to buy a new mattress. We asked if we could move the beds, and they were like, you're going to have to talk to the landlord about that. What do you mean, move the beds? Because they're... Did it come with beds? Yeah. Yeah, it was furnished. What?

No pillows, though. So the first couple nights I was sleeping on t-shirts. Brother, buy a pillow. Well, in the picture, there's pillows. You saw a furnished apartment, you thought it would come with the pillows? There was pillows. Should we get chicken fry in here? Yeah, get chicken fry in here.

Can we get Brianna in here? How, get chicken fry in here. Can we get Brianna in here? How do we? Okay, chicken fry. I'm going to give you a scenario. Let's get fried in two words. Someone wrangle up chicken. No. All right, thank you, Nick.

You'd be even more down bad if you wouldn't go and fucking get her. Why? Why are we getting her? She has the barometer. She might diagnose you. Why the fuck are we getting her? No, no.ometer. She might diagnose you. Why the fuck are we getting her? She's pre-med or maybe even mid-med. She's like a weather lady.

She just knows. She can tell you where the upcoming... Where'd she go to school, Kyle? Harvard. She went to Baldwin Wallace. I used to run around there in Berea. Shitty town. No fun.

Shitty school. They got to go to Cleveland though relax relax hey Brianna what's going on thanks for coming in we won't take up

too much of your time but we have a scenario to run by you first of all I went out and I said hey Brianna can you come on the yak she said who are you

what's the yak oh really yeah no I'm like the villain everyone's paid to me as the villain I got so many DMs about him.

About whom? Saying I owe him an apology. That's not toxic misogyny. That's subtle misogyny. Subtle misogyny. Crafty misogyny. Can we give you a scenario and you could describe it in one to hell? Even two words.

Okay. Be economic with your language, though. Just going to describe a room bed in the direct center mattress well let's say two inches thick no box spring

just on a steel bed frame no pillows a pile of t-shirts where the head should be lying on the mattress that's the scene? Yeah. That is all there is.

What would you caption that scene? A lone phone charger. It's a male. I'm thinking down bad. Yeah. Wow. Shoot. I'm shocked.

There we go. There it is. Nice pick. That's all we needed. Thank you, Brianna. That was perfect. Who were we describing? And you're not a villain. Me. Yeah. Oh. My room. Down bad. Thank you, Brianna. That was perfect. Who were we describing? And you're not a villain.

Yeah. Oh. My room. But it wasn't me. It's in the prog. Everyone thinks I'm a villain now. And I'm just trying to make sure you guys aren't down bad. Yeah, you're just keeping it 100.

Yeah, keeping it 100. Next time, Owen's down bad. I'm all the way up. You should do like a Queer Eye for the Straight Guy kind of show for like guys who are down bad. Oh, that's a good idea. Resuscitation projects for the down bad folks. We should do that. Up good for the down bad. We should do like a Queer Eye for the Straight Guy kind of show for like guys who are down bad. Oh, that's a good idea. Resuscitation projects for the down bad folks. We should do that. Up good for the down bad.

We should. I'll come and fix your down bad situation up. It's not. It's very difficult to fix. It's been work in progress for like a month now. It is a nightmare. You'd have to go out, buy a pillow. You have to buy a pillow.

I bought a pillow. Rihanna, what are some quick, easy steps that he could do to kind of rectify his situation? Get a pillow. Very easy. Okay. Maybe move, easy steps that he could do to kind of rectify his situation? Get a pillow. Very easy. Maybe move your bed out of the middle of the room. There's an explanation for the bed. Currently, it's inside. It's in the corner of the room. Tonight, it will

go back to the center. Just get a command strip. Not a command strip. An extension strip. There's no outlet. I can't charge my phone unless I move my bed. I want to go on my phone. You can command strip uh an extension landing strip there's no there's no there's no outlet search so i can't charge my phone unless i move my bed like i want to go on my phone just get an extension cord well i have one in there now it's changed my life drastically but but that's crazy moves the whole bed to charge the phone but the the mattress is two inches thick it's one pole it's like the moving the bed understand moving the bed it's just it's it's easier than it's like part of my routine yeah there's no rest on that i get up

for bed i take my hand i pull the bed into the center of the room go brush my teeth get in bed wasn't expecting kevin bonner to be knocking at my door an hour later after i did that yeah i wouldn't brought him kevin don't know what that is. That's actually a good rule. I'm like in bed and all of a sudden, you've got your ball. All of a sudden, Kevin's so chained. Brianna's very nice. Yeah, I feel bad. She is super nice.

She's nice. I came home and I was like, I was like, Kevin Bonner's here. And he was like, ha ha, shut up. I was like, shut the fuck up.

There's no way Bonner's in the other side of this door. Dave's guy, Bonner? Are you talking about Dave's guy? The fuck? He's like 28. That's weird. The fuck? And then I walked out and I was like, Bone Zone.

What's up, buddy? Oh my God, you fuck. What are you doing here? Bone Zone? Get the fuck over here. Get over here, you motherfucker. You're you doing here? Oh, don't. Get the fuck over here. What the fuck? Get over here, you motherfucker. You're in my fucking place without fucking saying hello.

Let's do the shotski. Get the shotski. Get the shotski. Bonner brought his own. That's the thing about Bonner. You bring him anywhere, he brings the fucking shotski. No, his own. Yeah.

That was weirdly accurate. When we were Ubering home from the bar, Jack McCarthy was like over-served and was going to Venmo for the Uber. He goes, wait, why is Bondog not coming up on Venmo? Oh my God. What bar were you at? How many kids do you think you should call him Kevin Boner when he was younger? Everyone.

That's why he grew up to be so handsome. That's true. That's the only way. You had to get on the Boner. He never had a choice. You're the Boner. That's not embarrassing. Boner? As a youth. KB used to be called Kevin Boner

when he was a kid. It was just bringing up some past that he doesn't want to talk about. What were you called? Kyle Boner. It was because people from West Virginia couldn't pronounce Bauer. Bowser. They somehow knew the... Pokemon.

A mean nickname people missed for me was, I think you could have just taken the R off, called me Odor. Owen Odor. That would have hurt my feelings. Yeah. Nobody thought of it. Mine was this homophobic slur that everyone called Adam. Yeah, you got it.

You got it. You understand. Yeah. One thing about Ben Mintz, great guy, but not the most calming energy when he comes around. I said like talking to him is like playing Bop It. It's the same feeling.

Yeah. To me, it's like opening a Jack in a Box. It's just like it could. Yeah. Thanks for listening. And we can't stress that enough. Thank you for listening. And we can't stress that enough. Thank you for listening. Because if it weren't for the listeners, we would probably find others. Yeah.

Yeah. Easily. Very. Quickly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But again, thank you. Thank you so, so much. Thank you for recording this.

I'm thankful you're the teammate and the coach you might even say our listeners you would address them like you address people when they're around a dead body dearly beloved double DB

and at that note Steve you get to do it send us off