The Yak - Flat Colossals, KB Poops His Pants, The Orson Welles Of Rub And Tugs, And Big Cat Makes His Producing Debut

Episode Date: December 11, 2020

Busty petites are a thing of the past!You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. All right, how do you, Nick, you start? I'm just a producer. Shit, you're right. You're the producer, you just tell him to start. All right, Nick, hold on, we're good to go. You gotta clap.

We got a young up-and-coming producer in the house, Daniel. What's up? What's up, guys? Producing for the first time in the house. Daniel, what's up? What's up guys? Producing for the first time in my life. I've already pressed record. I actually didn't, but someone else did. Are you nervous?

Well, yeah, because the thing is just going. I hope it was working. It's just going to keep going the whole time. Test, test. All right.

I see my mic. We're good. And what are the levels? What do we talk on real quick? One, two, three. Check, check, check, check. Okay, I see my mic. We're good. And where are the levels at? What a week. Talk on real quick. One, two, three. Check, check. Check, check. Okay, I see you.

Nick, go ahead, talk. Check, check, check. You see those levels? Make sure my levels are right. Am I peaking? You scream at the top of your lungs. There it is. That's the peak.

That's the peak. All right. Oh, hi, Kyle. Oh, and we got Kyle. All right, we'll get Kyle's mic set up. And Brandon, go ahead. Test, test, test. That's the peak. All right. Oh, hi, Kyle. Oh, and we got Kyle. All right. We'll get Kyle's mic set up. And Brandon, go ahead. Test, test, test. Brandon Walker's testing.

Test. Test, test, test. I see you. All right, Kyle, please talk in the mic. What's up? What's up? Kyle's mic is on. Kyle's mic is on.

I'm producing, Kyle. Are you producing? First time I've ever been producing. Yeah. Little nervous. Yeah. All right. We're good to go, boys.

Three, two, one. You're always on that reprodu good to go, boys. Three, two, one. You're always on that reproducing, though, Mr. Fuck. That's true. I have a child. With them balls. Baby, I have a baby. All right. Guys, what a week it was starting from Friday.

Steven, am I right? Mr. Walker? Oh, yeah. He's- Oh, I'm- You are, Mr. Did Steven call in at all this week he wasn't on the show this week so how are we doing the best stuff yeah it's not well uh steve

can you title this one the worst of the yak yeah can i can i address that please no it's not true at all i think what colby heard was where's the transitions and i was in studio last weekend and we were talking there was one segment about me that Nick asked to put on the sheet that Dr. Drew won that I didn't have on the original. Nick, can you confirm? Cannot, Steve. I'm too distracted. Something smells like fish.

What's going on? Is there fish in here? I'm the producer. You want me to fix it? Did you bring fish in here? Come over here and tell me if you smell a bronzino perchance. I'm smelling. Not necessary.

I'm smelling Kyle's lap. Did you drop the pizza on you? I think I do. Do you have a pussy? You reek right now. Do you have a vagina? Oh, oh, my God. He's running out.

Did you shit your pants? This actually is not a joke. He actually ran out of here in shame. He shit his pants. That actually happened to me. It smells awful. Three or four years ago during Jumpsuit January, I had a substance on my ass and everyone thought it was shit. It turned out it was chocolate.

It legitimately was chocolate. But I could see how people would think I shit my pants. So we think Kyle just shit his pants. He certainly did. I have never seen him like that where he was he was actually embarrassed embarrassed and like I gotta get out of here yeah the cameras rolling hold on I'll check

uh yes it is thank you big cat thank you thank you thank you um should we go on without I don't know we don't know if he's gonna come back the way he left ever that that could be it I could see him never coming back ever he quits. Not even quit, just gone.

I guess we start with Friday. It's a good enough day. It's a great place to start. Great day. Not for you, Brandon, because this is you coming back after being a little fusty. Here, have a water. Why don't you take a swig? So this is that. This is that.

You had to have seen this coming. I needed a day. I was dehydrated. You had to have seen this coming. I needed a day. I was dehydrated. You had to have seen this coming. Next time you learn your lesson, I'll tell you after this. Yeah. And well, Brandon, for those who haven't heard it, Brandon missed Thursday. I did.

And we were worried about him because in today's climate, it could be anything with the way he lives his life. It could be something, you know, could have gotten canceled. What could it have been? A racial slur? Type two diabetes. Diabetes. Any type of diabetes, really? Yeah.

Hit by a bus. Anything like that. You could have been canceled, like Big Cat said, because you do. You are. You're racist. You're fast and loose. Yeah, that's right. But said, because you're racist. You're fast and loose. Yeah, that's right. But it was because you were thirsty.

I was dehydrated. Not the horny kind, which he usually is. Right. I was dehydrated is the medical term for it, and I am now okay. I've had water each of the last seven days. I'm fine. Thank you. Well, this is us checking in on Brandon and not making fun of you,

just showing our genuine concern. Big Cat, you got to clap. Send us in a clip. Got to be louder. That was a bad clap. Oh. Okay, Steven, you're fired. All right, welcome to the act.

Brandon Walker is back. He was diagnosed yesterday with a case of vaginitis. No, seriously though, guys, he was dehydrated. And where did you Where did you Wait, how readily available is water?

Hey, Brandon, they got the vaccine for dehydration. It's in this thing called a faucet. Alright, I'm drinking water now. Brandon, do you want the good news or the bad news? Bad news is you're going to die. The good news you'll die in 40 years if you just drink this little Dixie cup of water you idiot. The good news

is the cure makes up 90% of the planet and also 90% of your body. I get migraines. Here's a Dasani, Brandon. It's a prescribed dosage from me. Here, I'm going to write this on a little note. You're going to go to the nearest Duane Reade, and you're going to pick up a Poland Springs bottle.

I had a migraine Wednesday night when I woke up. He's Googling dehydration treatment. What are you doing with your grip? It's right in front of you. It's in that cooler right there. Woke up dizzy yesterday. Childproof cap on his Aquafina. What are you, a fucking raccoon with rabies?

You're scared of water? I'm fine. Just get that away from me. I'm okay. You didn't actually go to the doctor did you oh you did oh i know you did yeah you did i had a migraine and i woke up dizzy and i went to the doctor and he said what you've been doing i had a migraine and the thing i always do with migraines is i stop drinking any fluids i do i go to i fall asleep try and knocks me out for like 12 hours and then i woke up and i was

dizzy i was disoriented so i was like what's wrong with me and i went to the doctor and he said nothing's wrong with you pussy and and i'm fine i had to say i did the same thing i can't throw stones i mean dehydration i was saying though is is dehydration is only applicable when it's a celebrity who's on like a seven-day coke binge yeah and they just need to go to rehab so then their publicist says uh yeah this person actually fell down in the middle of the street uh walking to a red carpet because they're dehydrated yeah it's like no they've actually just been banging lines for a month straight in malibu. Hop on, brother. Do whatever you want.

Yeah. We're doing improv in a minute. I'll start. Okay. Yes, and? What's like an animal? Ben, what is one thing humans need to survive?

Water. That is correct. And how easy is it on a scale of 1 to 10 to obtain or ingest water? I'd say about 8. Not in Mississippi. You yourself. Grabmmy grab tommy let's ask him okay i understand no i don't think you understand thank you tommy hey tommy go ahead ask him kb what um i just hate looking at you. What is one thing that you need to survive? Not a trick question.

Water. How easy is it on a scale of one to ten to obtain and ingest water? Beyond. Yeah, that's correct. All right. Thank you. Time to dismiss. Oh, fuck.

You guys hear about Brandon? Came down with thirsty. What if I'd have had something real? But you didn't. You actually, like, you could see the perfect view of my relationship with Brandon is I texted him, actually, like, three times yesterday. I texted him. The last time I texted him was, like, 8 o'clock. I was like, hey, have you heard anything? Because I was genuinely worried. 8 o'clock I was like hey have you heard anything because I was genuinely

worried I don't want him to be sick yeah no I was genuinely worried for his health because I was I was worried about him and he was he texted back and was like yeah it just turns out I was dehydrated I just wrote back oh my god you're such a pussy like I went from genuinely worried about his health to being like you

lame-o I think the doctor felt that way too because he told me to get up on the table put my legs in the stirrups yeah yeah he did oh fuck three two one there it is brandon you have to have known like when you sent the text to me saying right turns out i was just dehydrated you knew that the minute you sent that text it was over right i knew i had a choice at that moment you should have just said cancer i could have told you one day of cancer beat it back tomorrow i had us all to shave our heads i had two choices one was tell the truth right and face whatever

came with the truth one was just not say anything and let you guys assume i had corona or any manner of illness but i did since genuine concern there was genuine concern so i wanted to lay the concern to rest and i would just deal with whatever i had to deal with and i dealt with it it's fine the concern was 100 real the reason why i checked i checked up on you like three times that day i was concerned once i found out it was dehydration because you literally just can't drink out of your own fucking toilet. Right. Then I had to just roast you. Not just you. You showed legitimate concern.

I was concerned. Nick showed legitimate concern. And as soon as- Well, Nick started stealing everything from your desk. I assumed you were a dead man. It was like a light switch. As soon as I told y'all, the concern turned into immediate. Oh, and I don't remember you texting me at all.

No, it was actually past the level of concern that i was scared to text you because i thought he wanted you to spend your last moments with your family thank you very much oh and i appreciate why don't you do a quick like off the top of your head will in case you do die next time that you forget to drink water all right so number one number one in my most important collection goes to steven shea he gets my starting lineup collection okay he likes to finger them and i true i want him to have those past that i don't he did not deny that no he nodded vigorously we've been listening to yak for a long time know that that's true but

that is a if you're if you're new to the show, Stephen Shea is very interested in all of Brandon Walker's collections and would like to finger every single doll that he has. Past that, I have no worldly possessions of any value, so I just want my- Oh, what about your podcast? I want the Rasslin IP. You want Rasslin? Yeah. Okay, and you want Unnecessary Roughness, Big Kent? Nah.

You don't need it? Owen, you know college football? Owen, you're the next host of Unnecessary Roughness if I die. I'll take Morning Sunshine. Oh, please. Revamp it. Yes. You're not familiar with it.

I will literally bring it to NBC. You don't even know what that show is about. I will make it the greatest comedy sitcom of all time. It will replace the Today Show. I'm going to just put all my energy into making Morning Sunshine a hit. Owen, you get unnecessary roughness. Thank you. You're welcome.

It's a shame, though, because, Brandon, you're a huge guy. Huge. And you require probably a lot of water. I do. But you also carry a lot of water weight. You have big tits. Two big tits. Yes. Very big. But I'm not a busty petite. You're not a busty petite because you're colossal. But you're also tits. Two big tits. Yes. Very big. But I'm not a busty petite.

You're not a busty petite because you're colossal, but you're also not flat. No. And Friday, we also stumbled upon what could be the perfect build for a woman, a flat colossal. And I've been searching high and low for one. I don't think you have to search high for them. They can't really get to those points. Why? No. Where are they going to go? What do you mean? They're for them. They can't really get to those points. Why? No. Where are they going to go?

What do you mean? They're colossal. They're land dwelling. Yeah. But I've had my DMs filled with people applying to be a flat colossal. They're two-titted. And by that, I mean they have two tits. And just not for me.

And this is the discovery of the flat colossal. Here it comes. Breaking news out of New Haven, Connecticut. Researchers at Yale are calling a woman, is the bustiest petite. She also has the title for most petite and most busty. All three. She's the triple crown. It's the triple crown.

The bustiest, the petite, and the bustiest petite. Yeah, that's the three things I look for in a woman. It's a shame for her because busty petites are out. What? I thought they were the petite. No, flat colossals are in. Flat colossals. Flat colossals with all the waves. Oh, man.

I like 300 pounds in acorn. It's an acquired taste. Blowing up on a subreddit. She's enormous everywhere but the chest. I can see that being the woke thing.

Yeah. Look how absent her tits are. We need more flat colossal mannequins. To show young fat colossals what they can aspire to be. Yeah.

We need role models. It gives a girl an unrealistic body. Growing up as a flat colossal, I never saw people like me in media.

Nick's a fan of Chelsea FC. Oh, no, not soccer. Chelsea. Chelsea Arthur. Chelsea Arthur. She's a flat colossal. She's a flat Arthur. She's a flat Arthur. She's also

very stupid. Thinks the earth is flat. She does. Perfect. Synergy. Somebody just Venmo'd me $1.75 to get Brandon a water. Nice. Go get him one. I think it's actually you don't have to get him a water.

You have to make him drink some water. You've had one sip of that. I know. I think you have rabies for real. I've always. You drink water like it's water. I don't I think you have rabies for real. I've always... You drink water like it's motor oil. I don't like water. All the drinks I do

like dehydrate you. It's the aftertaste. Brennan holds his nose and he takes a chaser. Chaser Chick-fil-A sauce after the water. It's taking a tequila shot. It's taking a tequila shot. It's just no taste.

Things should have taste. My tongue gets all wet. I don't think you're fat, but hating water is the fattest thing to do. That is the fattest thing. That is the fattest thing you can do. I only like Pepsi and Mountain Dew and no water.

I don't drink soda either. I drink sweet tea. All the sugar in there. Just being so against it. What has more sugar, sweet tea or at McDonald's, like a sweet tea or like a Coke? I think they both have a colossal amount of sugar. What happens when you leave it out for a while? amount of sugar. Yeah. What happens when you leave it out for a while? It's a flat

colossal. The only way I drink. Let's get some flat. Let's make flat colossals the wave. I can't ask for some flat colossals to call it. Let's have a competition. I don't want any stolen valor. The flattest colossal?

For real. What do we got on tap for this weekend, boys? Anyone going out? The lads? What are the lads doing? I'm meeting up with this Amazonian chick that just had a mammaptimation. She's perfect. She's in. Oh, she's in

well she is in yeah it's not that I can't pull flat colossals it's that I don't know I don't know

I can't pull a flat colossal if I wanted to no you can't nah prove it not well I'll prove it no no they're colossal but I wanted to. No, you can't. Nah. Prove it. Not. Oh, I'll prove it.

No, no. They're colossal, but they're not quite flat enough. That's my problem. Take them home. Like, whoa. Whoa. Where'd all this shit come from? She has some free sports bras on.

You're like, what the fuck? So what do you got going on in five minutes? I'm kind of. Yeah. Damn, I'm tapped. Great big tits i got cat i got it is so funny though that internet trend where it's like you know i really what i really like a woman i really like a woman with like enormous breasts in the skinniest ways possible. That's just me. That's just me. I'm not picky

about it, but like 105 pounds, triple F's. There's just something about a perfectly symmetrical woman. Well, yeah, it's chemical. Yeah, they have a fetish for perfect women. Super hot blondes.

I don't know. I have a thing for hot blondes. Yes, I guess I have a type. My friends call me picky, but I'm just looking for the perfect woman. Anyone else? I'm going to get a lot of shit for this. Downvote away, but I

love a hotter brunette. By the way, coming out of Flat Colossals, I saw one. What I did, I saw one yesterday right by my house. Was it like seeing Bigfoot or was it? In the East River. Talking about a humpback whale, folks. That was fake, by the way, right?

I had to have been. That's Photoshopped. I don't think it was. That's Photoshopped. That's a deep fake. There's no way a whale is just doing tail flips in front of the Statue of Liberty. That was the New York Post, right? A fucking whale?

Yeah. The Post's like mixing an Onion article like one out of every 20. Exactly. And they just get away with it. Update on KB, not back. Not back. Not back like he actually pooped his pants he is i think he's got the poop out of the pants he's probably getting all of the the leftover residual shit out of his ass wait no you have to understand he did not walk to the

bathroom that guy walked straight to the elevator he's in his apartment right now he is gone i can't believe that happened he should shit himself. That smell. You just smelled it and you're like, whoa, dude. Something smelled bad. He said, well, I think I know what that is. Well, yeah, of course you do. Not to spoil anything either, but we had a story on the after day of a guy shitting his pants. Yeah, we did.

But in his defense, you didn't say it smelled like shit. You said it smelled like fish. Yeah. So I think he was probably very sick. It wasn't. Yeah. If it's a fish smell. Clumsy shit. It shit it's probably like an oily oh it's a discharge we're talking discharge uh-huh um yum yeah but no everybody's shit their pants and it gets all over you all the time gets all over you uh you know what makes cleanup easier not having having any pubes have shit in it

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That was a great ad. I didn't know where you were going, too, with that. Steve, that all right? Twists and turns. That was excellent. Brandon, can you actually move into KVC? It has shit on it. There's poop in the chair. There's poop in the chair, Brandon.

There's fish oil-y poop in the chair. Physically move the chair you're in. I'm not in a chair. I'm sitting on the heater. Oh, okay. Sit in the poop chair. I'm not sitting in the poop chair. It's in the job description, baby boy. Brandon, come on. What's the worst that's going to happen? There's no poop in the chair.

Sit in it. He's wearing pants. No, don't do that. That's ridiculous. Just sit on it. Don't do that. There's particles. Brandon, you're telling us that you don't have poop in your pants right now?

I don't have poop in my pants. I'm now sitting in a poop chair. You definitely have poop on your pants. You wipe your ass. That's pretty gay. And the truth comes out, Mr. Clean Ass. I'm just

inviting some penis. Yeah. Come on. Go fuck me. Owen, can you say that again? Real quick. Just a little check. Owen, is your mic down? Hello? You're good. What's his level? Talking again, Owen?

That's not really talking. Let me adjust that real quick? Yo, yo, yo, yo. That's not really talking. Let me adjust that real quick. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Beep, boop, beep, boop, boop, boop. Oh, that's perfect now. Yep, there we go. Now you're fixed.

Now you sound really good. So Big Cat. Yeah, check. We're good? Yep, yep. You're going to go down with the greats, with Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick. He's one of the best producers. Let's not bring up Matthew Broderick. Remember he killed a guy?

Did he? Actually, a woman, I think. Was that him? Matthew Broderick? Yeah, you do not. No. Yeah. He's paying his penance by being married to Sarah Jessica Parker.

Yeah, he drove. When he was, I don't know, in his early 20s, he drove on the wrong side of the road in England. Oh, that's right. And he said it was like... Best friend's dad's car. Yeah. Yeah, one of those situations. Oh, happens all the time.

So also on Friday, what a jam-packed day. Damn. We haven't even gotten past Friday yet. No. You were about to go see... Just so you know, I'm a union producer. By all means. I take lunch in about 10 minutes.

It's a hard hour here. Owen, you are going to get your first apartment out of college. Is that correct? Correct. Friday's episode, I was gearing up for the first few tours. And since then, I've actually signed my first lease. How about that? And do you think the vibe that you gave us on Friday gave you the balls, the chutzpah to be able and go and

take charge, talk down your rent and sign that lease? I don't know if it gave me the balls, but it definitely made me excited. And I ended up actually just signing the first apartment I saw, um, about 90 seconds into the yikes. So you negotiated terribly. I got $95 off. Wow. Hell yeah.

Wow. Hell yeah. A month, a month. Okay. So that's what, what's that? Che 1150 ish. Brandon, are we talking about, Okay, so that's what? What's that? Che? 1,150-ish.

Brandon? Are we talking about... It's 1,140. It's 1,140. 1,140? Per guy. It's per guy? Per dude?

Per dick? No, that's 1,140 divided by four. You know what? Let's do the math while we're listening to this clip. While we're listening to this clip. While we're listening. Let's do a vibe teaser. Someone pick a song. Vibe tease.

Oh, and you pick a song. Oh, and pick us a apartment hunting vibe. Yeah. What are you doing with the apartment? What are you thinking about? I'm just going to put you in the right frame of mind to go see this place later today. And so help me God if this is a townhouse vibe. I want an apartment.

It's going to be a townhouse. It's going to be like Nora Jones. Yeah, that's townhouse. Don't do that. A sharing bathroom vibe. A sharing bathroom. You have to have a couple. Yeah.

What is the one that I never had to knock on wood? That's the Mighty Mighty Ballstones, the impression that I get. That was in the Digimon movie. Someone just tweeted me that we should have rooted for you to die and just had Tommy Walker take over. It's like we move up the schedule to the plot of Tommy Boy. That's not a bad idea. Imagine if Monday just came like,

Brandon's dead, his 10-year-old child's here. If I do die, I would like for you guys to tell me right now that you will let Tommy take my seat. Yes, absolutely. And I won't even recognize your death. We'll just go on like nothing happened. Totally. When you say take your seat,

like we'll just take it home with him? No, he will occupy my seat and my microphone on the happened. Totally. When you say take your seat, like we're just take it home with him? No, he will occupy my seat and my microphone only. Done. Done. People would love that. Yeah. Actually. Remember when KB shit himself?

Yeah. It's still lingering. That fishy oil. Maybe his anal glands were leaking that's happens to my dog sometimes monday we have some yeah that does happen when i get too full that would happen to kb monday it says uh na must not have been a good show so a producer can you just throw in a fart noise for us wait uh do you try that again wetter your level your levels were all fine okay that was good thank you that was actually kb who just popped back into studio

for his phone now i'm trying to think of a reason to bring this up ah there it is tuesday we were chewing candy and we had to have people guess what candy we were chewing. We're chewing a very specific brand of candy. Now, a lot of people would think this is hacky and bad. Mm-hmm. Uh-huh. It was. But luckily, we only did that for 20 minutes. 25.

Are we playing this in its entirety? Oh, no. Buckle up, motherfuckers, because things are about to get chewy. Let's listen to that. Owen has provided the yak with the absolute worst candy for a radio show. Why don't you have yours and have people guess? Okay, let's all have it and have people guess. No, no, no.

It would take way too long. He's got more. Everyone have it and we'll have people guess. No, no, no. It would take way too long. No, he's got more. He's got more. No, everyone have it, and we'll have people guess. Listen, if you don't like chewing on the radio, which I understand, it's gross, skip this next, like, two minutes. Tim, this might be the whole show. Everyone has to do it. I don't have one.

He has more. I have some bits prepared that I'll do whilst eating this. Oh, chew bits. Yeah, they're auditory bits. All right, you guys talk you have an kb and i will try how many did you get wrong wait colby has one too the question is what is this candy oh that's a dead giveaway oh this is so easy uh colby why don't you uh this is gross you gotta use your front teeth and use your teeth and it's gonna be there for months

it gets bogged down you gotta chipmunk out I think some people will guess one thing cause there could be two call in now call in now first caller to get it gets a free pack of these call in 83385stool

I will take the first call I see and guess what kind of candy I'm eating. To get the obvious one out of the way. It's not from West Virginia or South Carolina City. Although it is chewy. I was going to say it sounds like a milk dud.

You guys are giving away all the fucking... What the fuck are you doing, KP? I know, because I don't want fucking people calling in saying milk dud, milk dud, milk dud MilkDot, MilkDot, MilkDot, MilkDot. Because it does sound like it. No, no, no, no, no. So now you got two off the list. A little more prodigious.

All right, we have the call lines are now full. That was so fast. I don't even know. We don't have enough time to get the names up. It's a little radio trick. Go ahead. Talk, person. All right, Milk duds.

No! You're wrong, bitch! Fuck you! Good comedic timing by that guy. That guy rolls. Alex in Toronto. Tootsie Roll. No!

Wait, guys, who am I? Tootsie Roll. Alright, Matt in Oklahoma City. Tootsie Roll. No. Wait, guys, who am I? Tootsie Roll. Tootsie Roll. All right, Matt in Oklahoma City. Matt. I'm going to guess a Jolly Rancher. No, baby. The notably chewy Jolly Rancher. Are you still eating yours?

Yeah. Give him another sound. This is the end of his. No, this is a fresh start. Oh, this is a fresh start of Rose. Really listen to it. He's practically spelling it out. Really listen to it.

Push. That's so disgusting. Andrew Nebraska. Did we guess Milk Duds get out of here loser Zach Kansas Starburst no

this is harder than we thought does it sound fruity there's no fruit in that sound John in Virginia well see you fucked me up with no fruit in that sound. John in Virginia. Well, see, you fucked me up with no fruit. I was going to say now and later. No, we helped you. No. No. Now and later, no. Scott and Cincinnati. Is this Scott

Penas? I missed all the guesses, so I hope I don't repeat one. What's up, Penas? What's the guess? Biddle, honey. Biddle, honey. That's a great guess. Good guess.

Penas is still the man. Thank you, Scott. Jacob in Arizona. We could play this all day. Wait, I still have one. Oh, you do? It's got to be airheads. Nope.

Wrong. Doesn't have to be airheads, Jacob. Don't be so confident when you're so wrong. All right. KB is now starting his. Listen, people. Use your ears. Listen.

Like, what else do we need to do? You can see he's using his molars, his incisors. This is so gross. This is gross. Terribly gross. This is like when Howard Stern has the porn stars come. The exact opposite is us eating this candy. We're revolutionary.

You're changing radio. Doug in Indiana. I'm thinking Airheads. No. Damn. Will in Boston. Should we give him a hint? No.

No. No hints, TB. Will in Boston. Those loud chews sound like high chews to me. No. Not fruit. No fruits. But credit for the first of that guess.

Blake in California. Yeah, is that a local cow tail? Oh, no. No, it's not. But that's not closer, but it's just a good go here this speaks to how insane it is that Owen gave us this candy no one even has it on

is this a famous candy no people someone will get it it's more obscure where do they even I know they don't manufacture this in California I will say this is the first of these I've ever eaten oh really we've all heard

of these right definitely I guess this is my first time ever seeing this fuck is that a big hint yeah everyone knows your candy history fuck everybody chewed out now I have some more

hang on yeah I got a little more what the fuck it was on No, I have some more. Hang on. Yeah, I got a little more. What the fuck? It was on the ground. I'll have more for a day plus. Did you drop it? No, I had mine. Owen's a feeder. He likes to get some candy in our fucking gullets.

Should I give like a very obscure, obscure hint? So I feel like I'm going to give a very obscure hint. No hint. Very obscure hint. No hint. All right, fine. I won't. But I have a very obscure one, but I won't.

I'd like the obscure hint. Okay. You know what it is. You forgot. This character, this actor on Mad About You shares similar sounding to this candy. I left out some words. That's not how I say it, though. No, it's not.

I was a former Kansas quarterback. There you go. John in New Jersey. He's got it. Yeah. I think it's caramel. No. That's a very broad.

That's like very broad answer. That's like calling in and guessing candy. Yeah, she brought in just a dollop of caramel and put it in our mouths. Chris in Canada, could the candy guess go home to Canada? They haven't won a Stanley Cup in 60 years, but Chris, the candy is? The answer, of course, is wine gum. No! No!

Is this the... Is this a projection of us yak listeners are the most confident people in the world? What did he just say? The answer, of course, is wine gum. Wine gum? Fellas, of course it's wine gum. Wine gum? Well, fellas, of course it's wine gum.

Like, how are people this confident? Yeah, they are. This is us. This is a projection of us. You are the company that you keep. Luke and Georgia. Now and later. No.

No, no. Listen, listen. Kyle in Minnesota. Is it aitto, honey? No. Let's do this. Let's do this. I'm going to read off the names. People on the line aren't listening to us.

Yeah, but I'm going to read off the names and you guys can guess who you think will actually get it. Names and locations? Russ in Mississippi. No. I don't think a southerner is getting this. Josh in Michigan. Maybe. I don't think a Southerner is getting this. Josh in Michigan. Maybe. I think Nick in Brooklyn might get it. Nick in Brooklyn.

Mike in Georgia. Jay in Boston. Dan in Colorado. Dan in Long Island. Charlie in Carolina. I'm going Colorado or Brooklyn. Dan in Long Island is sharp. I just talked to him on Picks Central.

I'm going to go Long Island. All right. Let's go. You want to go Dan in Long Island? No. Long Island. They're so separated from each other. All right.

Here we go. Dan in Long Island? No. Long Island, they're so separated from the rest of us. All right, here we go. Dan and Long Island. Dan, don't let me down. Jawbreaker? No. I got third. Do you have a jawbreaker? You idiot.

You could not say something worse. You moron. Does it sound like our jaws are broken? Who's picking next? Who's picking next? I pick Nick and Brooklyn. I'm going to go with Nick and Brooklyn. Then you get to pick Roan.

All right, then KB, then Roan. Nick in Brooklyn, don't let me down. All right, you said it's not foodie, so I'm going to have to go with a good old Charleston chew. No. Nick in Brooklyn, you could not have let me down more. KB, who do you got? Go jump in front of traffic.

I got Colorado boy. Colorado. Danny. Don't actually kill yourself, but you really let me down. You really, really let me down. Dan in Colorado of traffic. I got Colorado boy. Colorado. Don't actually kill yourself, but you really let me down. You really, really let me down. Dan in Colorado. Danny. I was going to say Charleston Shoes.

Think. Airheads. No. Kind of like you, Dan. Big Cat, you got to up the stakes. If somebody gets this right, can they have a full-time job? Yes. Full-time job.

Full-time job to our guy from Michigan. Michigan, full-time job. Come on, guys. Who's your pick? Don't fuck this. The guy from Michigan. Josh in Michigan. Josh in Michigan.

Come on, Josh. For the job. Here we go, Josh. For the 401K. I am not confident with this pick, but I'm going to go with Cowtail. Damn it. Getting repeated. Can I have my Mississippi gun? Have we run out of going to go with Cowtail. Damn it. Getting repeated. Can I have my Mississippi guy?

Have we run out of? Yeah, Russ and Mississippi. Russ and Mississippi. Oh, no. You want to hire another Mississippi guy? A lollipop? I'm going with Werther's Soft Cheers. Nope.

No, but we had one this morning. It's not a terrible guess. It's incredible. A can of worms. Candy worms. All right. A full-time. Candy worms. All right. You want to pick someone? Tanner in Florida.

Let's go Tanner in Florida. Tanner, come on, Tanner. I'm going with Rolo. That was the best guess so far. Probably the best guess. Damn it. You were this close to a job. This is driving me insane.

Are you guys idiots? Or maybe study a little harder, listen, play back the tape. There's nothing left to chew. No, we have nothing left to chew. Mike and Georgia, stop, stop. Mike and Georgia, this is not going to be the whole show. Who rolled up? Let's just walk out of here, Mike and Georgia.

Jay in Boston. Saltwater taffy. No Boston. Saltwater taffy. No, not saltwater taffy. God damn it. It's not fruity. If you get this wrong, don't listen to this show ever fucking. Ever again. Ever again.

This is going to take all 55 minutes. It's going to drive me insane. Corey in Pennsylvania. Get this. Hey, first time, long time. Thanks, man. Get this. First time, long time. Thanks, man. Last time. Is it sugar babies or sugar?

No! It is sugar babies. I'm so frustrated. There's no fruit in this. I'm so frustrated. There is not a single bit of fruit. This guy, Jason from Parts Unknown. You got this.

Jason. Jason. Jason. Parts Unknown. Jason, please end this madness. We can't take this madness anymore. You just lost a job because he's thinking Charleston Chew. A job is on the line.

Jason. Gone. Gone. Jefferson Davis in Nashville. What? Jefferson in Nashville. I'm thinking Pop Rocks. How can we hurt him? I don't take back calling you Jefferson Davis. How can we physically or mentally hurt him?

Are they... Is this... They're fucking with me. Yeah, have we reached the final level of the yak? Where the callers are now pranking us? We're on post-irony mode. Pop rocks? Has to be...

I'm thinking pop rocks. That would be... And he definitely had glasses on. He pushed them close to his eyes. He said, pop rocks? Point Dexter in Nashville. Those are some poprics. He had early onset osteoporosis.

I hate you, Jefferson. Poprics. All right. Austin in Oklahoma City. I decomposed myself. I'm very upset. Hey, listen. Go get Dave in the room.

If you're handing out jobs, I want to get this on record. Okay. He's here. Got him. Stork chocolate Riesling. Oh! No. No.

Owning College Station. Go, Dave Station Jawbreakers No No it's not that Sean in California I definitely got it To me that sounds like a gluck luck 9000 Okay now

Let's take a break I see what it is now How the tables have turned Carter we're rich in Canada. Big hunk. No, what the fuck are these kids? What kind of Canada? I don't think we should tell them.

Big hunk. I like to have that after my wine gum. Yeah. A big hunk. Your dad liked Big Hunkton. Yeah, he stalls them whole. Did you make these at your house? Do these even exist?

Sean in New Jersey. O. Henry. No, dude. O. Henry's like this. I'm so disappointed. Sean, how do you spell your name, Sean? It's S-E-A-N. Never call again, man.

Do a W in there and maybe start winning something. This might be the last. Yeah, it could be. Do a W in there and maybe you start winning something, bitch. I think this might be the last, yeah. It could be. This could be it. This could be it. Dan in Missouri. Hey, as a father of two, an eight-year-old and a five-year-old, and I can tell my kids I cannot eat this damn candy in church,

it's got to be a fucking milk duck. No! Oh, man. That was too much buildup. God damn it. Mothers everywhere. He showed great work too. That was his show of work. How often do his kids sneak milk duds into church? A lot.

Bill in Massachusetts. It has to be a Jim Dandy. No! It doesn't have to be anything! It doesn't have to be a Jim Dandy. It doesn't have to be anything. This is not a famous be a Jew thing? It doesn't have to be anything. This is not a famous candy. I think Owen just made it.

No, no, no. What have you done, Owen? It's not that obscure. Has anybody seen this candy before? I've heard of this candy. It is obscure. You'll see it in candy aisles. What made you decide to like, hey, today I'm going to ruin the act?

I think Jeff D'Lo loves these. Yes, he does. He gets them in bulk. You're going to ruin the act. You said that this morning. You're like, hey, today I'm going to ruin the Yak. Jeff D'Angelo loves these. He gets them in bulk. You're going to ruin the Yak. You said that this morning. You're like, guess what? Ultimate chaos. I'm going to ruin the Yak. Well, that's on them. That's on the listeners. Were you nervous that Karabas was back and you're like, ooh, I might get

my seat stolen. What's going on here? You're acting out? Yeah. I guess subconsciously, yes. Dan in Chicago. 50-year-old. Nope. I'm actually, it takes, I'm not quick to anger. Yeah, you're not.

You're seething. Always, never have been. Some of us just start walking out. I'm livid. You are, I can tell. A five-year-old could not eat these. No. This would rip a five-year-old's teeth out.

Or an 85-year-old. Yes. Ron in New Jersey. Please don't. It's actually John. I don't know why they said Ron, but I'm going to guess Rolos, that caramel candy Rolos. It's already been guessed, Ron. But again, that was a good.

No. Warm or hot? Warm. Carter in Nashville. Mary Jane. What did you even say? I'm going to fucking scream. Carter, say it again.

Mary Jane. Now say it without the marbles in your mouth. Mary Jane. No, that's wrong. Thank you, Carter. Appreciate it. Damn it. I'm really upset.

I'm very upset. Greg and St. Louis, we're going to be stuck here forever. We might be. The answer is a reason, Candy Bar. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Come on! What again? He knew it! Yes! Come on! I thought we were just in the world of cinema. Yes! We knew it! Woo! Yes! Come on! I'm glad we just won the World Series.

Yes, great. Stay on the line. You're going to get a job. We'll have our PR, or sorry, our HR hit you up. We'll get all your information. We'll see you on Monday, Greg. Hey, Greg. I just hung up on him.

I'm so proud of you. Call him a co-worker. Wow. What an adrenaline rush. What a genius. That was by far the worst 17 minutes in the show history. By far. That moment was incredible. I really do feel like I just like...

It's like winning the big game. That's a substitute. You got a losing team. Tease someone about candy. Hit the music again. I want to feel that again. Greg and Lewis. Louis. Greg and St. Louis.

Replay it. Can you actually replay it? Can you just replay the moment? Greg and St. Louis. We're going to be stuck here for a while. We might be. The answer is a reason, Candy Bar. Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! All right. Can somebody do the chew sound for me? Nah, that

sounds like good pussy, which is turning me on. But I'm not going to come because I use Roman swipes. Most guys have

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Swipe? No, we actually have a swipe in studio. Can you put it on your penis? All right, cool. There he goes. He's taking it out of the packet. He's swiping it on. Now it says let it dry.

And guess what, Dan? That's the end. You're good to go. You are good to go and have sex for a long time. You can go to GetRoman.com slash yak to get your first month of swipes for just $5 when you choose a monthly plan. That's GetRoman.com slash yak. Can you guys help me with my levels real quick? I just want to make sure that it's coming in all right.

I'm going to just adjust the knob here on my chewing. And a little loud, a little loud, a little loud. Let's bring it back down. Yep. There it is. Okay. Pretty impressive. All right.

Went for the sour Skittles. He went for the milk duds. There was a nerd's rope in there somewhere um tuesday uh that was all for tuesday that was the entire show so i really do someday i hope that we have the ability like i would love to do my dream would be to do a radio show where i can hit the eject button on the show the minute I feel like we've peaked. Yeah. Because like the minute that guy called in and said reason, it was like 17 minutes in

the show. Just want to hit the show over button and be like, see you tomorrow. I got to be honest. I'm a little embarrassed how much satisfaction that truly brought to me. It brought me a lot of joy. Yes. Tons. And that makes me, Dan, you have a, you have a little bit of pool around these parts.

Can we get a one-time use confetti cannon installed in the studio? And we have to be very conservative on when we use it. What CCs? 100, 200. I mean, military grade. Probably somewhere in the middle. 400 CCs? Yeah, fuck it.

400 CCs. Got it. Done. If we could get that, fuck it. 400 CCs. Got it. Done. If we could get that installed, we have to choose when to use it. And I think the reason would have been the perfect moment for a confetti cannon. I agree. Hold on. Let me get that.

That'll be installed by the time we're out of the office. Are we thinking once a year or once forever? Hold on. Let me just... It's on the phone. Okay. Ordered. It is ordered.

And that will be installed by the time. I'm too scared to touch the keyboard. I understand. Yeah. That thing's probably disgusting. Bunch of producer hands on it. They're the dirtiest people in the office. No, I would definitely just stop recording.

I'm too scared to press a button. Yeah, that would. And as a, you know, this is my first day on the job. So tensions were running high on Wednesday. Rico came in and Roan and I confronted him about unfollowing us. He did? Yeah. Why?

This made the best of? Because you guys are new do-to-doers? Somebody, you know, when you're a Democrat. I'm a Democrat. I thought of the term democracy, but that's just – I'm Jason Mraz-esque. That's wordplay, baby. But somebody just submitted a podcast review of Nadeau's podcast, and you can choose any name to submit those, and he chose Nicholas Teraney. And it wasn't me.

How do we know? To quote Shaggy. How do we know? How do we know? How do we know? How do we know? I don't even have an Apple account. Quote Shaggy some more. I want you to quote Shaggy every now and then.

Not just it wasn't me. Just quote him a lot. Scooby. That's a different Shaggy. That was bad. Really bad. You've never seen Scooby-Doo. That was the one I thought that was Dan that said that.

Yeah. No, that was me. That was Owen. I thought that was Dan that said that. Yeah. No, that was me. That was bad. So, yeah, there was a lot of tensions running high with confronting Rico to Owen, you know, sitting down a little bit too hard on... Let's just say you were a little testy. Say that again real quick. A little testy.

Got it. Okay, good. I thought you were going to do a sound effect. No, I was making sure I recaptured that on the record machine. I thought you were getting very aggressive and comfortable. So what we're going to do, we're going to dive into these high tension situations. But after this clip, I promise you we're going to end on a lighter note. Bosco!

Why'd you unfollow Nick? Hey, Bosco! Hey. Heco. Hey. He's ignoring you. Bosco! Bosco. We gotta get Bosco in here. Reluctantly.

Bosco. Rone and Nick? What did they do? What are you doing? I gotta prep. Prep for what? You're standing in the hallway talking to people. Well, they asked about another show, but I got to do my thing at two.

You all minted up right now? It's 1.34. It's all minted up. Did you unfollow Nick? Yeah. Yeah. Why? I needed a 30-second timeout.

Have you refollowed him? You've taken a 60-second with Nick. You took a full. That's a full timeout. It was a fake review on Apple Podcasts. You could put any name on there. Yeah, you can. You took a full. That's a full timeout. It was a fake review on Apple Podcasts. You could put any name on there. Yeah, you can. You're back. I'll get you out of the timeout. You unfollowed Roan too.

And then refollowed him. What did you do? What did I do? Positive behavior to all the people. What does that mean? What does that mean? I understand. That's how I... I need... I need. But I noticed you went unfollow these guys and not the straight block.

So there's a difference. No, no. I knew it was temporary. A lot built up. Yeah. I knew it was temporary. It didn't bother me. I would have unfollowed me.

You know how I live. I'm not really mad at you. It's just I can't have negative energy. I'm not bringing negative. I bring nothing but positivity. I'm always trying to. I'm small talk Jones. I'm trying to fucking kick around. I'm trying to chew the fat. I love to chew the fat. It hurt me when I read that message. I bring nothing but positivity. I'm always trying to... I'm Small Talk Jones. I'm trying to fucking kick around.

I'm trying to chew the fat. I love to chew the fat. It hurt me when I read that message. I apologize to you. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. And I appreciate you... But that positivity... If you're not giving me the positivity, I'm an attention whore.

You gotta give me the positivity. I can't have... I thought I was. I thought I was giving you the positivity. I'd say, what are your holiday plans? Roan threw a cactus to me. He leaked a video of me tongue kissing an elderly woman. Leaked a video of me nude in front of a Pepsi bottle.

And I did not hit unfollow. Yeah, exactly. This all happened like in three weeks, didn't it? The cactus was a hard tolerance for pain. Is the cactus still out there? I did. Yeah, there's cactuses all over the place. Again, to me, not at me.

At me would have been better. At me would have been more respectful. You've been mad about that for a long time. Bring people in and throw the cactus to them. Yeah, that sounds fun. That sounds like a fun trust exercise. But what about Nick's? Nick's going to get it.

I'll get it. It's coming. I know it is. Because he didn't even want to ask for it. He's worried about it, but he wants to mend the bridges. You know you're dealing with a different animal. We like mended bridges. We like bridges. He's self-aware. but he wants to mend the bridges. You know you're dealing with a different animal. We like mended bridges. He's self-aware. You got to learn to live in the jungle.

You have to learn to live in the jungle. Alright, Rico. Rico Bosco, ladies and gentlemen. And that's growth. That right there was growth, Owen. Take notes. You're going to learn about that shit after the 2000s hits. He hit his penis.

Owen just sat on his balls. Penis. He wrecked his own penis. Say that again. He wrecked his own penis. I sat on my balls. I knew it. I knew it really nilly bro

you must have some long balls boy you got some low hanging fruit is that true do you have traditionally long balls traditionally what's the traditional length

no he has conventionally long balls those are not the cactuses to throw Brandon traditionally. What's the traditional length? No, he has conventionally long balls. Those are not the cactuses to throw, Brandon. Those are fucking... What the hell's that? Those are long, skinny antenna ass. I was looking like, oh, it's balls. Long ass cactuses. Erlenmeyer flasks.

That's the wrong tube, yeah. Yeah, This is graduated tone. What? KB must have jacked my cack. I didn't jack no cack.

I think he jacked my cack, bro. Look at, look at, looked harder for that cactus. I don't condone the cactus tossing.

It's one of the more fucked up. It's chaotic. It's chaotic evil. No one condones that. Yeah. And that's why I tried to leave it in the past, and KB keeps on bringing it up. No.

There's a 12-minute short on Netflix called Hernia. Well, a short's not a movie. You think that it's like a Japanese horror movie? It actually is. It's a short movie. Why's he hollering at me? Let's go. He's trying to call him out.

Why's he trying to fact check him? Why's he hollering at me? He's sick and tired of you. You say things so confidently and they're wrong. Get his ass. I'm sorry. Short's not a movie. It is a short movie. And then you try and hounce on Kyle for not being a sci-fi when it was a sci-fi. I didn't pounce on

Kyle. You did. My man is a file. You're a gatekeeping movie. You thought, you didn't know what sci-fi meant. You thought it meant outer space. Sci-fi is outer space. Sci-fi is Wookiees and Klingons. Titties. Oh, we got a pickle here, guys. What's up?

Remove two from your life forever. Beer, pizza, wings, pasta, burger, liquor, wine, taco, fries. I thought you were going to put pussy on there because that would have put me in a real conundrum. I've already removed it. Oh, fuck. What would you guys do? You said wine was on there? Wine's on there.

Yeah, fuck wine. Wine and tacos? No. Tacos are versatile. I need tacos. Well, then you've got to get rid of wings. I could get rid of wings before I get rid of tacos. Really?

Pasta. I'd get rid of pasta. No. get rid of wings before I get rid of tacos. Really? Pasta. I'd get rid of pasta. No. Pasta you can lose. What about pasta primavera? What about it? That's just a pasta. Right.

Every pasta dish. But wait, what about linguine? Yeah. What about ziti? What about lasagna? Name every noodle you can eat. Can we have the list again? You're Italian.

Yeah. Yeah. Beer, pizza, wings, pasta, burger, liquor, wine, tacos, fries. Wine, pasta. Well, I just lose wine. So you hate yourself. You're a self-loathing Italian. I hate everything about myself.

Every pasta dish I get, I eat what's on top of it and then leave the pasta. Yeah. Pasta. What about that cum pasta I gave you last week? Yeah. That was good. Slurp up all the cum. It's good, actually. Hold the pasta yeah just pasta what about that cum pasta i gave you last week yeah you hear you hold the nutritious fucking nice guy i'll get double cum hold the pasta oh boy we're adults so uh after things got heated we we calmed down a little bit and we decided to give our friend Glennie Balls a call. He was taken off on a plane, but he's reliable.

He picked up and we gave him a trivia question because we were talking about genres of movies. And your favorite. My favorite genre of movie would have to be special needs slash AIDS, which means Forrest Gump. That's the only movie and uh we posed as if we were playing the dozen trivia and uh roan called glenny and asked quick quick quick well you know what let's hear it from roan glenny what genre what film who's an award-winning film glenny we're on trivia what award filming was uh glenny can you hear me we're on trivia. Glennie, can you hear me? We're on trivia. Special needs aides. What movie is both genres of special needs and aides, Glennie?

Just answer, answer. 20 seconds. I don't know what you asked. What movie has the intersection of themes of special needs and aides? I don't know what you asked. What movie has the intersection of themes of special needs and AIDS? I don't know. Come on, Glennie. 20 seconds. Think, think, think, think, think. Special needs.

Green Mile? All right. I think that was it, Glennie. Thank you. The Green Mile. What the fuck? That was me. The green mile. What the fuck? That was mean.

That was very much mean. Thank you, Glennie, for coming on the Yak. What a perfect ending. Brandon just got sent a nude. Yeah, did you just get nude? Let us see the nude. Did you get the bouquet of bananas nude no i think it was huge the dick was huge yeah it looks like uh yes remember what you said espn's buying cbs out oh yeah so it's over sooner than later right it looks like they're buying them out damn what happens with music rights that's what we that's where we'll see where'd

you see that uh and who was it that's brutal andy staples wait what happened sec cbs is losing sec in 2023 espn's got it in 2023 but espn it appears they're announcing today they're buying 21 and 22. KB's playing Jenga. What? Kyle's playing Jenga? Yeah. Those are different pants. He is wearing different pants and playing Jenga. Let me see his pants.

Those aren't the pants he was wearing. No, they were not. He was wearing darker gray pants. That motherfucker left here, changed pants, and went to play Jenga? Yes. He didn't wipe his ass. It's not a... We got to go tell him. We got to go tell the Jenga producers that there's a dirty ass in that room.

I guarantee there's a few dirty asses. Oh, relax. What are we setting up now? The last one? Glennie. So that experience with Glennie was so sweet that we had to have him in today. For a little explanation. A little explanation as to why his go-to answer

was Green Mile for special needs AIDS. He explained himself, and then things just progressed to somebody else jerking off your dick. Let's listen to that. As they do. Dan, Mr. Palms. All right, that's the new clap

well it's gonna be someone's gonna take the song we might as well take it for transitions call dibs alright it's ours and I have my finger on my nose yes all right welcome to the yak lenny happy to be here brandon are you i'm thrilled to be here how did the end of the yak go for you yesterday so the end of the yak i was coming home from a from

a stunning conversation i got a call from roan and uh literally on the tarmac i figured i'll pick up the phone i love love Roan. Next thing I know, he's asking me, what is a movie that incorporates special needs and AIDS? And off the top of my head, I said Green Mile when I was really thinking Philadelphia. But the real answer was Forrest Gump. Forrest Gump. My whole life, I've always mixed up Green Mile and Philadelphia. I don't really know why.

Yeah. Yeah. But I have. Green, Eagles, Philadelphia. No, Tom Hanks. Michael Ian Clark is dead. Or we're dead. but I have because Green Eagles Philadelphia Tom Hanks Michael Ian Clark is dead

Michael Clark Duncan and I thought AIDS I thought AIDS instantly from Philadelphia I thought AIDS instantly I thought Green Mile no I thought Philadelphia I thought Philadelphia

and then literally I didn't really know what it was for because legitimately we took off 30 seconds later so I put my phone on airplane mode and I was sitting really know what it was for because legitimately, we took off 30 seconds later. So I put my phone in airplane mode. And I was sitting there thinking on the plane. You were going about like an hour later.

Fuck. The answer was Forrest Gump. Forrest Gump is like my favorite movie, too. So it was heartbreaking. I didn't get that. But I was scared. I was getting yelled at. Put your phone in airplane mode, sir.

I have to try and answer this question. So whatever. I will say I've always gotten green mile in philadelphia mixed up but the real answer was forrest gump it was a farce no yeah it was tom hanks love trying it was the only answer yeah what better way to introduce i was i got bumped what better way to introduce glenny talking about rubbing tugs that is that's how we have to do it from now on uh because i don't think this will be the last time. It goes from the CBS football music to our Rub and Tug music. Yeah, let's go into it.

Owen, send us in. I grow tired. Here's Glennie talking about getting jerked off. Yep. Wait, no. What are you doing? And here's Glennie talking about getting jerked off. Yeah, we have to do it again.

Yeah, you're right. Yeah. I do have one great I have one great impression do you know what I'm talking about I know your best impression you have a great Jeff D. Lowe one I haven't done my I do a Jeff D. Lowe alter ego called Jeff D. Lowe.

Where he gets off. Where he loves rubbing tugs. He's like, well, you know, I was at AMC one night checking out. It's not his voice. It's not his voice. It doesn't sound anything like it. Wait, I haven't done Jeff D. Lowe's in a while. Do Jackson Bay and then go back.

Okay. I just want you to look at you. Fire. Dude, that was a bad eye. I like how you pull on your throat. You know how much voice struck Bradley Cooper had to do to get that voice? Yeah, yeah, do it again. I just want to get a look at you.

That was really fucking awesome. What is that? What impression does that make? When did you do the low? When I was born. It's when Lady Gaga gets out of the car, you're also in the window. What did he say? I just want to wanted to look at you

don't worry about the voice it's more about what happens it's not the AMC stubs card it's both I haven't done Jeffy Lowe's in so long close your eyes I gotta get into character

well last night I went to the AMC in Kips Bay to check out Reservoir Dogs re-release 30 year anniversary. And they didn't give me the discount on my popcorn. So you know what? I didn't get anything from my AMC Stubs rewards. Either way, I went down the street to relieve some stress at the rub and tug. And it was absolutely buttered. That was bad.

That wasn't a peak Jeffy Lois. I haven't done loads in a while. But the character of him being remorseful that he didn't get AMC rewards, that's spot on. That's Jeffy Lois. That's my guy. But Jeffy Lois doesn't like Jeffy Lois. He hates it.

Oh, yeah. Glennie, a little tip. You've got to give a fun name to the Rub and Tug. Yeah, you can't just say Rub and Tug. It's got to be a place. See, you all think I'm the Rub and Tug guy, and I'm not. I retired. Don't say that.

Just in the story, the impression. Everyone here at Barstool Sports thinks I'm a Tug guy, and I'm on record. I'm just helping with the impression. And I'm on record. thinks i'm a tug guy and i'm on record now i do june of 2018 june 2018 2017 sorry it's june 2017 that's when i was the last time i'm in retirement and you're tired did you go out on top or was it a bad experience? Oh, it was the worst. It was so bad. What happened? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sit on down. So we're in the city for a 21st birthday party and I get some

halal guys. I get some halal guys. You kidnapped guys who worked at the cart? No, so I get some halal guys before. Answer the question. Is that the name of the hello guys this is fantastic um no no so i go get some hello guys meet my friends get some hello guys i throw the guy at 20 because when i get hello guys i like to get extra white sauce packets so i got a full bag of white sauce

packets and then on the way home on the way home that was the start of a rum and tug story it'll circle back to it so i paid extra for this bag of white sauce i love white sauce that's literally god's nectar is how long guys white sauce so we so we stopped by the tug on the way home and i hated it from what from halal guys from new york from manhattan on the way back to long island so wait you had you ate already we had to eat already. You got Halal guys. Which is terrifying. What happened in the night? It's not the usual rub and tug night, but we stopped by the tug on the way home from Long Island.

Wasn't my idea. I was just simply a pawn in the game. We stop in. They like rush us inside some sort of warehouse. There's a Hello Kitty wallpaper. Frozen Let It Go is playing. There was a guy in a suit at the door. i thought he was going to kill us it was terrifying and i'm just very i'm just very tense when i'm at these places i hate it

moral of the story is you go and you come out they rush you out and i forgot the bag of white sauce why did you oh wait wait this is worse than i forgot the bag of whites it was a full plastic bag of white sauce, so I'll never get it back. I was so happy to have it. Wait, I know what you're talking about. It has like the screw-on cap. No.

You ripped the corner of it. No, they do make bigger ones. There was two of the big ones and a lot of the little ones. I paid $15 for the white sauce. So you left it in the Rub and Tug or you left it in the car? I left it in the waiting room.

Why did you take the white sauce into the Rub and Tug? Why did you leave it in the car? It's in the gross way of my house did you take the white sauce into the Rub and Tug? Why did you leave it in the car? It's in the gross way of my eyes. Shove it in your cargo shorts pocket. Ah, no, no cargo shorts. Well, that's probably why they rushed you out

because they're like, oh, this guy's got white sauce. But if they were going to a Rub and Tug with a bag of white liquid? This specific place was just extremely tense. They rushed you in, rushed you out. You could see on the security camera

there was a car sitting outside. It was bad vibes. They thought you brought a bag of cum. Tugs? No, I did not bring any bag of cum. What was... Tugs tugs here bad vibes bad vibes new york tugs are bad vibes good vibes montreal tugs french canadian tugs uh-huh yeah those are those are good vibes like there you there's the polar opposite you walk up the steps you got you got a guy he's running the show he's got a parrot on his shoulder. You're not a rub-and-tug guy. He's got a parrot on his shoulder? Yeah, he does.

Glenn, that's a pirate. At Montreal Nuru. It's a great place. Wait, wait. What is the... For what? He talked to the parrot. It's good vibes.

Yeah. He's got one leg. Replaced the other one with wood. But... Actually, there was a time I was at a Nuru massage place in Montreal, and the cops literally walked in on me, and they were just like, have fun. What? Yeah. But you wanted to be known you're not a rub-and-tug guy. How many rub-and-tugs? I was at a new room massage place in Montreal and the cops literally walked in on me and they were just like, have fun. What?

Yeah. But you want it to be known you're not a rub and tug. How many? I haven't done it in three years. In three years. I like a Dick's Last Resort style rub and tug. They just call, they're mean to you. They give you the hats with like an insult. What's Dick's Last Resort?

It's a restaurant where they're mean? Yeah. They give you like a bag you wear on your head, which is like generic insults. Very generic. No leftovers. It's a good laugh, but like that would be perfect. A Dick's Last Resort. I've been to one Dick's Last Resort in Nathaniel Hall, Boston.

It was a nice time. Glenn, I don't understand how you're you had a bad time at the Rub and Tug because you left your sauce. Why did you retire from all Rub and Tugs? You leaving your sauce wasn't their fault. And what if you go to a Rub and rubbing tug and find a bag of sauce? I retired from New York rubbing tugs. The only time I'm... You know what?

This man has been to international... Scratch that. Scratch that. You're right. He has traversed the globe to go to a rubbing tug. Right now, I am retiring from American tugs. French Canadian tugs are currently my only tugs. How many bought a passport specifically to go to a rubbing tug? I pretty muchugs are my currently bought a passport specifically

to go to. I pretty much did because I just bought a passport to go to Montreal. I've been to Montreal like seven times because the Rubin tugs are on that and you could drink at 18. So I've gone to Montreal many times. Right. Montreal is a playland. It's a great place. You're 20

just turned 24 in August. 24 now. Yeah, I'm an old man, dude. And you have a like you retired from Rub and Tugs three years ago. Before then, you had a very full Rub and Tug career. I retired from Rub and Tugs before I was 21. I was like Orson Welles. All right. Thank you, Glenn.

See you guys later. You have a nice last night. All right, Glenn. So what's about to happen? Thanks, Owen. Wait, we're just coming out of clips. You know what? It's over. Owen just tried to mansplain a joke to happen? Thanks, Owen. Wait, we're just coming out of clips. You know what? It's over.

Owen just tried to mansplain a joke to me. Oh, Owen. He literally just looked at me and he goes, have the thing ready to go. Fucking Owen. Like, I don't fucking know, dude. I'm the one who's doing this joke. What's he looking at? He's crying.

He's crying. Like a dog has been caught shitting on the carpet. All right, you know what? Steven, clip this. Take Owen crying and put it at the end of the show. Here's a clip of Owen crying. Little pussy boy. All right.

That is the best of the act. It wasn't the best because Steve wasn't here. He was trying to get us to just put out a hour-long dead air video podcast uh also i produced and i probably didn't hit record wait fuck we gotta start over yeah let's just start from uh wait it stopped recording right before we brought up the glenny balls no it's stop record i never hit record all right so just hit enough