The Yak - Francis and Nate Diaz Partied HARD in Los Angeles | The Yak 9-22-22

Episode Date: September 22, 2022

Zah is a free manYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. It's the Yak. Oh, hello. It's the Yak. It's the Yak. We got a Yakagami. Never been done before. Francis, Owen, myself. Yes, sir. Three amigos. Kate is also here. Sass said that he doesn't want to be here because there was a stripper in this room yesterday,

so he's got to give it at least like a fumigation. He's got to give it at least a's like a fumigation he's gonna give it at least a few a few days before he can return to the room no i think he's out for some other reason um roan is out yeah where's roan i think he had a wedding either way we uh brandon's sick kb and nick are in louisiana so francis is here yeah frank the tank thursdays it's a lot ofs It's a lot of There's a lot of pressure A lot of pressure Because there's so few people

And we also Got slightly reprimanded yesterday About the stripper I hope Kate's doing better It's a light A light slap on the wrist That we got Dave's emails

He instills so much fear With so little words And I was just like Trying to keep Kate. I was texting Kate all afternoon being like, don't worry, don't worry. Yeah. True. Tried to make a joke in a business meeting later on to try to soften it up.

Someone was like, yeah, we should just ask forgiveness. I was like, kind of like Kate ordering a stripper to the office. Everyone was like, ah. Dave didn't laugh at that joke, though. He didn't. No, no, no, no, no't he came in here right after the show he came up to me and was like no more strippers and I thought

I guess we had Dave goofed from time to time no we don't but I was like okay Dave and he was like no I thought we were joking but yeah no it worked out fine what is this picture of?

Oh, this is the moment that Dave told her. Oh, no. Oh. We got stuck. Look at. Oh, no, Kate. Look at my hand. And you were like, oh, no, it's from Merchapalooza.

He's like, no, no, no, no more. Yeah, I tried goofing the way out of it. Shit. No avail. It was a great show. It was an all-time yak. I'm saying Julio was great. He was a delight.

Julio's the best. Yeah. He should come on whenever he wants. How was the podcast? Did we burn too much? No, no. We had plenty of ground left to cover. We kind of gave you guys the spark notes uh we had

so much we tend to be very long-winded yeah how long did episodes go hour and 10 well that's not that long-winded at all but we spent merely we recorded two episodes for next week and we got just through my wedding oh and then we didn't even get to the honeymoon or his Afghanistan trip, really. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Oh, you got breaking news? Breaking news. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. To all the big Yak fans out there, first off, does anyone notice anything different about me? Uh, no.

This is a trick question. Whenever a woman asks you this, haircut. There's something holding me down. That's always a trick question. Guys, don't answer that question whenever they say that. I got kind of a big head yesterday because it went well. And you know the cycle of things.

Everybody loves you and then the hazel. I was getting kind of a big head. I needed to be weighted down with something. Wait, everyone loved you yesterday except the only person that matters, Dave Portnoy. Yes, okay, true.

But I have something holding me down that's also doing great things for my figure. Okay, I'm taking a picture to promo the show. Okay, true. But I have something holding me down that's also doing great things for my figure. Okay, I'm taking a picture to promo the show. Okay, hold on. What do you have? Limited edition. Whoa. These are going to sell out like hotcakes.

And the Barstool merch thing, you don't have to buy a lot. As long as you use promo code Kate, you can buy something small and awesome like these limited edition yak paperweights with the entire gang. Look at my snaggletooth. Snaggletooth not included. Snaggletooth not included. But you can get these limited edition yak paperweights with the whole crew. Minus me. What promo code?

The whole crew in there with promo code Kate. So this would be a perfect way. It's not going to cost you a ton, plus the 10% off promo code Kate. And these are limited edition. I spoke to Merch Upstairs. They said, I was like, do you want me to put these on the rundown too that airs tonight? They said, no, these will definitely be sold out by then. These weren't actually touching my boobs if you want to see one.

Sorry. Yeah, I want them to be warm. Yeah, they're very cold. Nothing like having a paperweight to prevent your papers or your manuscripts from flying into a lake like Colin Firth and that bitch from Portugal. Yes. Which one was that? Love Actually?

Love Actually. Yeah. Yeah, it is funny thinking about a paperweight because usually it's inside where there's no wind. But yeah, paperweights. But this way, when you're listening to the accurate work, whatever, you got the whole crew right next to you. It feels good. It feels good. And now in

store. It's hefty. It's very smooth and soft on the bottom. And this is a really easy way to help the Yak recover their slush fund and to help Majestic achieve her dreams. Right. I've been making guacamole with mine. Oh. Oh, mashes. down yes it's like a pestle you can really mash things up with this uh ladies if you're as well what are we gonna do

with majestic if you win and we now have the rule no strippers oh not give her her half of i guess yeah well that solves my problem yep i guess you're just going to have to keep that money, Kate. I would have, but my boss said no. Very specifically said no. Okay, so yeah. Buy them now. We just put them in the store. Yak paperweight. Francis, how have you been doing on the Merchapalooza? Do you have a code?

I do. It's Francis. I'm not going to be... I mean, I didn't get kicked out. Oh, that's good. Yeah, I posted about it. I did my best didn't I didn't get kicked out oh that's good yeah I posted about it I did my best but I don't have any merch yeah

so that's tough just sling these paperweights I'm not selling Kate's paperweights she's not even on it I'm not even on it why are you not on it

well well I'm a woman we're yeah she's kind of there's a little bit of truth there the act is quite misogynistic. Is that Rico on there?

No, that would be. Top right. Top right is TJ. We met TJ. I'm not sure that I have. TJ's right behind you. Hey, TJ. We did say hi.

I'm so sorry. Do you know Stephen Che? You gave me free tickets to a comedy show when I was in college. Whoa. Look at that. You made his life and you're so famous you're like, oh. Don't remember that story. I think we'll call it a net neutral.

Call that a wash. Are you familiar with Stephen Che? I know Stephen Che very well. He's gotten very cocky. He's lost a bunch of weight. He doesn't look like shit anymore. Yeah. Thank you.

We used to go back and forth about Peloton back when he was into it. Dude, check my last 30 days. Oh, you're still doing it? Buddy. I stopped once the stock tanked and all those kids started going under the treadmills. Yeah, the treadmills. I just said I don't support that. It would be funny, Francis, if you got married, what, like two weeks ago?

If you just gained like 400 pounds? That was all just to get a wife. They disgust me. I couldn't. I have talked about it, though. I have talked about the exercise of gaining a lot of weight to sort of try to put myself into the orthopedic shoes of an obese person.

But then I just think, God, I couldn't handle that. Couldn't do it. It's too revolting. Do you get upset at yourself when you gain like 10 pounds? No. Really? Do you know your own BMI? I don't know my BMI.

It's pretty easy to calculate, right? You just do like height over. Yeah, I know. But like some people own BMI? I don't know my BMI. It's pretty easy to calculate, right? You just do height over... Yeah, I know. But some people always know it at a given time. No, I actually don't even... I don't have a scale. I don't weigh myself. I do go through fluctuations of what I look like,

whether I'm lifting a lot or just doing more cardio shit. Look, I've said this before. I am so vain. I'm a very vain person. Oh, this before i am so vain i'm very vain oh really yeah no i'm very vain so i have two things going for me which is one uh i'm also very uh hyperactive and my mind races so one one way that i sort of keep the dogs from barking late at night is by exercising so hard that I just exhaust it. Right. So it's a sleep aid. Right.

And then I'm also, I'm vain. So those are the two reasons. Those are the things. Now, do you think if you had like brown hair, do you think you'd be just as vain? Or would you be like, no, I'm clearly a good looking guy. Are you like, I have to overcompensate because I'm a ginger? I think I'd be more vain if I had brown hair. I'll see. But you would be like, everyone knows i'm a ginger i think i'd be more vain if i had brown really but you would be like everyone knows i'm gonna be more handsome yeah i mean you're a handsome guy but you'd be considered more traditionally handsome yeah but brown hair

and light blue eyes that's a deadly combination killer combo of all the hair colors though like you can be like a medium aly attractive hair person. I feel like red hair, you're either very hot or you are. You do stand out. You're an Ugg. But if you are a good looking redhead, then. Jessica Chastain. Yeah. Super hot.

Women, hot redheaded women are just unbelievable. The woman in Game of Thrones. The new one? No, the old one. The red widow? The woman? No, the old one. The Red Widow? The woman? Yeah, the woman. She freaked me out a little.

She was hot. Well, didn't she turn into like an old person? Yeah. So that was kind of turn off. But she was hot. Still, if you're a good looking redhead, then you're like,

I feel like it gets like trumped up times 10. That's true. People notice a good looking redhead. Yes. You lucked out. Because it could go either way. Yeah. Or you could be like the freak

that everyone's like, ugh. Gross. Freaks. Yeah. I hate those freaks out there. See these redhead freaks. Real freaks. I feel like the ginger community has gotten a little bit of like, they're starting to get a little more cohesive where they don't like people saying ginger.

They're starting to stand up for themselves a little. I don't like that either. Let's just not make us a thing. Right. South Park is really what kind of fucked you. Sure did. It was really the beginning of the end. I had a girl I told a girl I used to tutor. First session

we were working on she said to me before we start. She was 12. She goes did you know that gingers have no souls? Smart. Like you're done tutoring. said to me before we start she's 12 she goes did you know that gingers have no souls smart i go like you're done okay let's do some let's do this math then she'd be like but and did you know that august 20th is national kick a ginger ginger day i was like meet me on that day i'll kick the shit out of you bitch kick her right in the head. She's that small. Do you miss tutoring? I do a little bit. It was fun. I liked it. Yeah?

I liked the kids. What did you teach? My big thing was the SSAT, which is the Secondary Schools Admissions Test for kids that want to apply to boarding schools. Okay. Eighth graders. Okay. Yeah.

Because a lot of schools in New York are K-8, and then those kids have to outplace into different high schools or boarding schools. What? Is it hard? A lot of schools in New York are K-8, and then those kids have to outplace into different high schools or boarding schools. What? Is it hard? Could I do well on the SSAT? There's four sections. You would love it, actually.

Give us a sample question. So they have analogies is the really unique thing, because it's such an outdated- Pull it up, TJ. See if we can get some SSAT. Pull up a hard sample analogy from the SSAT. Multiple choice. This is something that you would feel really really smart because you're teaching eighth graders. Yeah.

This is like. It's easy for me. Yeah, it's like teaching like a seven-year-old how to play basketball. Bingo. Speaking of which, can we play the clip, TJ, real quick? Did you guys see I'm fucking just dominated today, Kim? She brought some weak-ass shit into my house. The security cam. There was no one filming.ass shit into my house. The security cam.

There was no one filming. I had to go ask for the security cam. It's amazing. Because I was just minding my own business, practicing some free throws. She came up and was like, oh, hey, big cat. Looking cute today. I was like, oh, yeah? See ya. What an idiot. Get out of here. What an idiot Get out of here

What an idiot I mean, that was the slowest windup ever You can't do that Come on Alright, here we go This is an easy one though Flake is to snow Wait, hold on

This is not easy Flake is to snow Drop it Oops, sorry Drop is to rain Drop is to rain Drop is to rain is not easy. Flake is the snow. Drop it. Whoops, sorry. Drop his terrain. Drop his terrain. Drop his terrain. Yeah, that's right.

Whew. Oh, okay. So that wasn't that hard. No, but find a harder one. So I can get into what? Let's get some challenge questions. What's the big, what's the big,

what's the private school that like all- Exeter, Andover, Yeah, all the- Loomis Chafee. What's the one that all the- Chote, Rosemary Hall. In the Bronx school that like- Exeter, Andover, Loomis Chafee. What's the one that all the- Choate, Rosemary Hall. In the Bronx, that one feels-

Your field. What's the one that all the presidents went to? Might have been- Didn't George Bush go to one? He probably did. I know them all from their lacrosse teams would make great EDM SoundCloud remixes. Oh, yeah, they would. All right, beg is to borrow as offer is to oh shit because begging isn't borrowing right fuck this is interesting offers to lend

hold on don't give it away yet hold on oh my god this is bad that i can't get into a fucking borrow did you want me to teach you this? I mean, what? I want to show you how to do this? Yes, yes, please. So the first thing you can do is you can ask yourself, all right, what parts of speech are beg and borrow, right? So beg...

Out, I'm already out. Verbs? They're both verbs. Yep, I knew that. And so offer is also a verb, so you know that your fourth word has to be a verb. So slice security out of there. Which means...

Lender is out. Lender is out. Lender is out. Bank is out. Security is out. That leaves lend and repay. Bank could be a verb. And then you have to say, okay, well, what's the sentence

that connects beg is to borrow? And then you should lift that sentence and apply it to the other words, too. Did I get it right? It's a little hard. I think it is lend, probably. But... words too did i get it right it's a little hard i think it is len probably but um lazy is too inert as resist is too lazy is a verb but resist it oh yes it is also a verb this is this is hard i'm not good this is good this scares me all right well how do how are lazy and inert connected

i don't know what inert means don't like means not moving, right? It's not moving. It's part of inertia. I know. This is a problem. I actually am very fearful of this because it's been so... I graduated college, what, 15 years ago. I haven't opened a book or tried to do anything. I tried to take the GMAT when I was maybe like 26, and I've told this story,

but I paid all this money to go to a GMAT class, and I would sit in the back of the class, and I was just betting not even NCAA tournament games, CBI games. So like Oregon State playing some random team at home in like a two-game series. I was like, this isn't for me. So I haven't used my brain like this in 15 years. It's hard. Some of these can get really hard. It makes me feel physically tired.

Like working out makes you physically tired. Thinking with my brain now, I'm like, no. And I'm worried about this as a parent. Like I don't think I'll ever be able to help my kids with homework. Like I don't think I'll be able to do that. Well, you can do it to a certain age, and then you'll have to tap out. I think the age is like right now. My kid doesn't even know he knows how to count to ten.

By the way, lazy and inert are probably synonyms here. So what's a synonym for resist? Synonyms? Refuse. Refuse. Cylinders to circle as pyramid is to... Triangle, triangle.

Triangle, yeah. Good call. It's easy. 3D version of it. Crocodiles to reptiles. Kangaroos to marsupial. Nice. Nice pick, Kat.

That was easy. Not everybody knows that kangaroos are marsupials. I knew that. Milliliter is to... You're going to get into Exeter with this. You can't do this one. This one's easy. Think about it, right?

So a milliliter is a measurement of volume in the metric system, and a quart is also a measurement of volume in the metric system, but also a milliliter is much, much smaller to the much bigger quart. So we're looking for probably metric system to... I think it's English system of measurement or whatever, and small to big. Millimeter to yard. There you go. Yeah?

That's probably it. I don't know. How many are there? I'm already getting tired. We don't have to keep doing this. Destroy us to demolish us. Attempt us to succeed? This is a good one. Oh, that's wrong. wrong that was wrong that was stupid destroying demolish are pretty much synonyms too you might argue that to demolish something is to destroy it more fully so it could be like lesser degree to higher degree but amend is to change probably amended is to change all right let's see what our graded i i can't do

these much longer i I'm getting anxiety. We've got 15. See how we did. Okay. Right, right, right. Oh, we got them all right. We got them all right. Nice. Hell yeah.

We're good. We're smart. You know what you got to do is take the ASVAB. That's the test to get into the military. And it's literally like, you know that game you play with your kids where you just put the square shape into the square? Yeah. And like the circle shape into the circle.

It's like that. That's it? I mean, it's like the easiest.'s good that's comforting it's a delight yeah you gotta do has that yeah that's that's nice you want to feel good kate have you seen all the stuff coming out about how the navy seals buds training is being really under review uh for the fact that like people are dying doing it uh yeah mean, it's been a problem for a long time. Former captain of the Yale football team went in, did it, passed, and died the next day. He died?

How did he die? His lungs had filled with so much water and fluid that I think it was either pneumonia or something, and he should not have kept going. It's all about don't... Ring the bell. Okay, so my only question, like I understand that's tragic. But isn't it supposed to be one of those things that's very, very difficult? It is.

Because you need to be, like these are elite of the elite. It is, but they are lacking the oversight to be able to see someone who's like clearly fucking on the verge of like serious shit. And it's such like a harder thing that they're like no no you can keep going instead of being like no you're about like you can tell when somebody's like really fucked and what they have them do is go in and out the ocean people in

San Diego is fucking freezing oh yeah it's very cold all year long it's freezing cold and they just have them going in and out of the water like all fucking day long it's so demoralizing and yeah it's just I can confidently say I'd quit before I died And they just have them going in and out of the water like all fucking day long. It's so demoralizing. And yeah, it's just. I can confidently say I'd quit before I died.

I just would. I would quit almost instantly. But a lot of them, a lot of them will sort of find ways to prevent the oversight even from from catching them. Yeah. There's a lot of them that are using anabolic steroids. Yeah. Oh, because the culture of it being like i don't want to be a pussy kind of thing yeah they want it so badly that they're willing to do anything yeah that's crazy yeah it's super crazy i remember they had that show where you could watch like i think it was just butts yeah yeah might have been the name of the shows it's crazy well that's like if you fail like you know you leave your unit like whatever say you're like a maintenance guy

somewhere in the navy but like you're going to your goal is to be a seal and like you leave in your unit's like all right good luck blah blah like there's the shame too and coming back to your unit being like hey guys they give you shitty jobs they give you shitty jobs yeah it's all covered and um the last thing was like the pass rate has declined significantly year over year so now it used to be much higher now it's like it's gotten so hard that like nobody's passing yeah very few people it's crazy but again it should be hard but not death should be hard but like at some point it hits a level where you're like why some of this isn't a hundred percent necessary like it doesn't exactly reflect like what combat or any of that shit's like right a little extreme yeah i also think it's like fighting in hockey where like the guys that do it they're like we want we don't want it to get

easier right we want this is like uh been been a beacon of of our testing our metal for so many years yeah we don't want to be the class that like they bring in a whole bunch of changes and This has been a beacon of testing our mettle for so many years. Yeah. We don't want to be the class that they bring in a whole bunch of changes and oversight on. Right. Because then everyone who is a Navy SEAL, both retired and active, will be like, you guys are pussies. Yes. And the whole culture of, we don't trust you in combat.

Yeah. Damn. Damn. They have these fake Navy SEAL, like any one of you could go for a week to these like these guys who are in the military oh yeah their own camp isn't that our guy uh ray lake cashier or whatever his name is yeah and they start have you seen this guys will pay like 10 000 bucks to go for like four days somewhere in the desert of california they literally will roll up you're supposed to meet in this parking lot and then a van rolls up and they literally

put like burlap sacks over your head like old school and then they make you dig your own grave and bury yourself in the dirt and blah blah blah and like guys are dying at those two yeah it's like oh yeah it's insane like weird simulation shit people like cosplaying like this yeah and then the guys who tap out of the course that they paid for then they can hire the trainers as consultants for a year before they go back again one guy was like i spent sixty thousand dollars to pass the course it's totally worth it you're like what are you doing that's such nonsense because there's no certificate that says you've done the equivalent of butts i mean this is what maybe wouldn't recognize this is part of the reason why tiger woods wrecked his back he like was he wanted to be a navy seal that and the fact that he took all

the seals from that day out to lunch and refused to pay for the lunch. Yeah, refused to pay for the lunch and was training in heavy boots. Yeah. Crazy. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, what about do Tough Mudders piss you off or people who Instagram after Tough Mudders? No, no.

Those are so easy, by the way. I'm such a dork, I'd love to do one of those. I did one. Really? I did one. I did one once. It was the easiest thing ever. A two-time Tough Mudder. Yeah, see, it's made for guys like Steven. Steven walks around saying, like, oh, yeah, I basically am a Navy SEAL.

I did two Tough Mudders. Were you pretending to be in Saving Private Ryan the whole time? No, no. They weren't that great. No, I remember doing it and being, like, five minutes in being like, this is a joke. I mean, you have to run like 10 miles. Maybe I didn't do a tough one. Did you do the one where they have the live wires that shock you?

People pay for that. That's the one where I was like, ah, fuck this, dude. It was pretty lame. That is weird to just willingly get shocked. One time we were installing our dog's invisible fence on the property and I walked through it holding the dog collar and the tongs on the collar shocked my fingers and I said, never again.

Never again. Did you put it on the dog then? We sure did. Oh, man. What a monster. Well, they had to know. I did. I got one when Stella was like maybe two or three.

I got her a shock collar and the UPS guy came and she barked and then she whined and I was like, all right, you don't have to do this anymore. Yeah. She's been barking ever since. I'm too much of a pussy. I saw you on the street once and she started barking at me and you went every time. Oh yeah.

I mean, she doesn't, she just like, she's very defensive and she's, I mean, she's 11 and a half now. So it's like, I'm going to let her bark however much she wants to bark. I'm not going to stop her. She's doing her thing. She's singing out. Yeah. Does your dog bark?

Only briefly as a greeting and then it gets excited to see the new person. French bulldog? Yeah. Does your dog bark in multiple languages? Different pitches, certainly. Different tones. Yeah. Like he has a I'm hungry bark versus a not even a bark really but i want attention or uh-oh there's somebody at the door bark those are all different

yeah yeah i'm having a i'm having a tough i was saying it before i'm having a tough time today i think i'm finally gonna quit quit Zin dipping everything and I'm having big time nicotine with drugs. Oh, that's the worst. I don't know what to do. That is hard. It just makes you angry. No, I just, my head hurts. You can't quit cold turkey. You have to wean off.

No, this is like my personal buds. How far along are you? About four hours. Oh, God. Everybody says the food is the worst. What about the gum? I did buy some gum. Yeah.

I've been chewing the gum. One time I was in Sweden, weirdly, and we were at a bar and there were these really pretty ladies that came and we went up and said hi and sat down with them. They all do like zen and stuff the way women do yeah they've been doing snooze you know and then one of them had a pack of the gum and i'm not a big tobaccos or whatever so that's what i wanted i wanted to be cool and so i was like i'll try some of the gum it put me on my fucking ass. Oh, dude. Sweden has, they put so much nicotine in those pouches and the gum. I used to, I was friends with some of the guys on the Blackhawks,

and there were some Swedish guys on the team, so they put me on to this dip. Siberians or whatever? Siberians? It was, it came in a white tin. I used to actually give it to my friends to fuck with them. When they were drunk, I'd be like, you want a dip? And they would just immediately pass that.

Like, they would just be bent over like so like spinning everything they they go hard you remember when you and pft oh yeah we got you good yeah that was get you good do you want to play that yeah let's play this so wait pause it so um francis uh told us this idea he was like we're gonna do an idea we're doing chaw dogs he's like, we're going to do an idea. We're doing chaw dogs. He's like, I'm going to try to do a This Is Barstool chaw dogs with you guys, but it will be non-nicotine, non-tobacco. It will be the, like, whatever.

What was it? Yeah, I think it was the coffee. Yeah, the coffee grind. The coffee grind ones, and I was going to pretend like I was really feeling it, kind of like that scene in Euro Trip where they think they're doing the brownies and freaking out, but then you guys would reveal to me, like, dude, there's no... There's nothing in there. You're faking it.

And then, obviously, we can't just be normal people, so we did the double cross on him. The double cross. So we put the real stuff back in there. You really had no idea? No, we had no idea. We had no idea. Play it.

Go in to them. They're having a meeting talking about part of my take. And they're dipping casually. And I'm trying to be cool and emulate their behavior and I take a tin of the fake dip, the coffee grinds, and like just pack my mouth with it and then start freaking out and then they reveal that it was the fake dip making me look like a total idiot. We're gonna build a real coffee. So then he's gonna probably puke at us. Wait one sec. Here's the real stuff. We're gonna build a real

This is, this is Barstool. Can I, uh, just like sit in for a bit? He had no idea. Yeah, sure. You guys dip in. Yeah. Cool. Can I get involved?

Okay. Can I get involved? Yeah, sure. You guys dip it? Yeah. Yeah. Can I get involved? Okay. Can I get involved? Yeah, of course. Connect, we can do it. No idea. Connect the dots. Yeah.

They're making people fight it again. One's probably... Get off my back, bro. I don't want to fucking... One's probably enough. Dude, this isn't my first rodeo, you know what I mean?

You know that shit causes cancer, right? Oh, well, I've already been through that once. True. You know what we should do? Keep going. All right. Listen. Okay.

This is like high school when you start your first dip. You all right, buddy? I'm fine. Fucking ignore it. I'm fine. You sure funny Francis head right now. Yeah, it spins This fucking focus I'm proud to Lightheaded Hope mouth is just waiting for us to say it's a joke Really lightheaded give help. I shouldn't be you don't coffee grinds

Oh, it's not even the real tobacco What yeah? This is I don't know what the hell. It's not even the real tobacco. What? Yeah. This is just coffee. Why is it still in your nose? Try not to catch any cancer while you're out here. I'm fucking buzzing. Are you? So hot. This is bar stool.

I can't even stand it. That's like seven or eight of them. I'm like fucking flying. It's real dip. We flipped them. With real dip for you. Are you kidding? I was like, I was like, dude, he might actually pass out.

He put so many in there. Like, I'm fucking re dude, he might actually pass out. He put so many in there. Like, I'm fucking reeling, man. I'm reeling right now. You just did a lot of dip. All right, cool. You just did more dip than I've ever seen you do. I cannot. I don't know what planet I'm on.

I never dip. I never dip. Yeah, well, you just did a whole fucking dip. I thought you were a people of life. I was hoping. I, you just did a whole fucking ten. I thought you were going to peek at one point. I was hoping. I can't see right now. Well, you wanted to be real, Francis, so there you go. Yeah, you went for the...

We're assholes, but that was... It was so much better than the idea I had. That was real. We're assholes, but that was, I mean, you had to. It was so much better than the idea I had. That was great. Oh, fuck. Well, you got to bring back This Is Barstool. That'd be fun. I mean, I loved it.

It was very similar to the ESPN commercials, which are critically acclaimed with the barstool twist on them. Yeah. We had a fun one, one of my favorites, which was an early hurdle for you and me because I did something that you told me not to do. What was that? It was that you had gotten Ryan Lochte to come in for a Pardon My Take interview. Oh, yeah.

And I had asked if I could just grab him for a quick This Is Barstool idea that I had. And you had specifically told me no. That was back when we were like, getting guests was very hard. And it was like, we have these guests. They come in for like 30 minutes. They didn't know who we were. Now, you could get anyone.

100%. Yeah. I mean, this story, you know, I was so desperate to prove myself. This was like the first three weeks of it. Yeah, yeah. And I just, I needed. Did you end up getting him? Well, I kind of like asked his, I think, publicist.

That's right. While he was on your show, if I could have him for like two minutes. And she was like, yeah, I think so. And then I just went and did it without your approval. Yeah. And you were actually super cool about it. Well, it was, yeah, I remember when we first started getting guests, because we had never done guests at Barstool.

Yeah. So there was like all these, it was very competitive, and it was like, you know, a guest comes, and everyone gets competitive about it. And we also were told, I can't remember who the booker was then, but they would always be like, this is what they're planning. Don't, like, do anything. Don't deviate.

This is how much time you have. So we're under all these strict rules. But, yeah, I do now vaguely remember that. And now it is totally different where it's like when guests come in, they know us. They know Barstow. Like, we'll do it with anyone who walks in here. You want to come on.

You were cool in that you impressed upon me that it was not so much like a territoriality thing as it was like it took you a long time to network. Right. Lay the groundwork. And getting those guests. Get them in and then for him to come in. I remember you really did do it.

This is funny. Go back and start this over again. This is one of my favorite ones we did. Oh, hey, Brian, can you sign this for me? It's my headshot. Okay. I'm an actor.

Yeah? Yeah. What kind of roles have you done? Just mostly commercials. You can keep that. Yeah? Yeah, What kind of rolls have you done? Just mostly commercials. You can keep that. Yeah? Yeah, that's for you. But I just signed it. Yeah, but now everyone knows it's yours. Alright.

Thanks, buddy. Sounds good. Well, I'll take the marker. Yeah, you can take that back. Have a good trip. Yeah, you got it. No problem. See ya. I'm golden now now You had no idea

I didn't tell him What we were gonna do Yeah no because he's He's actually the perfect person Yeah exactly He's not the smartest Yeah And it was playing on that

It's like I'm gonna give him My headshot to sign And then tell him It's his to keep Was the whole premise Gotta bring it back You gotta bring this barstool back.

Those are both genuine. Got good genuine laughs out of me. Yeah. Fuck. We should do it. I was talking to Owen about some sketch stuff. Which ones? Just trying to do some last day ever stuff. What's that again?

Like Nick KB sass fights. Some sketches. Video ideas that we kind of never got to yeah like it exciting stuff the cooking it's definitely more that was the other thing when your first time coming um to barstool like that was the sketch comedy i think wasn't really part of what we did i mean i was specifically told we don't do scripted stuff right it was a lot of pushback against it because it was supposed to be out of line with what Barstool was right and I couldn't get Dave to do anything because he was Dave is the funniest actor ever if you try to get him to act in anything we did once we were driving an RV to Houston for the Super Bowl, and we went through a town in, fuck, where was it? It was like Houston, like Mississippi or something.

It was some other, I can't remember. Oh, no, no. It was Atlanta, Texas. And we were going to, I think Atlanta was playing, something like that. We were basically just doing a video about it. And Dave and Kevin and I, I think Hank has the footage. We must have done like 55 takes because we were so bad at acting. It was so fucking bad.

Like we were so bad at acting. Dave's not an actor. But now, I mean, yeah. Do everything. I watch Sports Advisors, and I would think that there's certainly an air of theatricality to that. Yeah, that's, I mean, kind of. That's more just turning it up a little. Uh-huh.

Like, yeah. I mean, that is Stu. Yeah, right. That is Stu. Yeah. Yeah, we got to figure out. I'm trying to. Stu came up.

I'm very excited. Sorry, go ahead, Owen. I was just going to say, I'm very excited for this week with Pat. Not Pat. Joey, yes. All your gay guys look alike, Owen. I was just going to say, I'm very excited for this week with Pat. Not Pat. Joey, yes. All your gay guys look alike? Is that what you're trying to say? My eyes, yeah.

Well, I can't look them in the eyes. He looked good. Joey looked really good. Joey looked really good. He was an attractive man. Also, Joey, shout out Joey for coming in yesterday. Yes. I was going to say, Roan, what a move by him.

I didn't fully realize Roan did that. Slipped out like that. But did you see the very end of the show? Oh, he came back in? Came back for post-production. Way after the show ended and everything, all of a sudden it turns back on and he's in here alone eating a banana going, where'd everybody go? Oh, that's genius. Yeah.

Very smart. Yeah. People are going after sass. I don't think it's that crazy to be like, I don't want to lap dance on a live TV show. Yeah. No. I didn't think that was weird at all. And he doesn't like pussy anyway. I don't know what's that crazy to be like, I don't want to lap dance on a live TV show. Yeah, no, I didn't think that was weird at all. And he doesn't like pussy anyway.

I don't know what I would have done. I would not have wanted her to give me a lap dance. Really? It was a weird situation. I just got married. I don't want to fucking... That's bad. When is she coming in?

Is she about to come in now? When is she coming in? Is she about to come in now? When is she coming in? Is she about to come in right now? What's her deal? She was here. What? That's great. I missed it?

I missed it. That's tough. Man, I would have loved to see that. He was way smarter than Tass, yeah. So you would have had to dip too? I don't know if I would have dipped. Would I have been able to say I can't do... Dude, I saw her.

She was wearing a G-string. Is that what it was? She was grabbing on my boobies. Oh, yeah, big time. I did not see that coming. I don't have that much experience up close. I didn't think she was really going to. I mean, she was like going to town.

And I was like, I don't know what time. I'm just going to keep laughing. She was really going to town. You have no one to blame but yourself. No, absolutely. Absolutely. It was a great surprise. It was a great surprise.

I'm not mad at it. No one else to blame. Everyone loved it except Dave. They put the episode on their website as promo. Oh, hell yes! A double, a banana split? They said, yeah, check us out. As seen on the act. Oh, that's great. We have probably the weirdest

as seen on. We have that hot dog guy. Yep. The Pupton Show. The Pupton Show. We have the clown that we hired probably as seen on the act. The face painters. Shoe Nice. You had Shoe Nice on?

Yeah. How's he doing? He's just in the chat pretty much every day. Yeah, he hangs out. We've actually given him a home. So he retired from the internet. Apparently he does it very often. But then we happened to have a memory of Shoe Nice the day after he had retired from the internet.

So we watched it. I was like, this is so tragic. He came back out of retirement and was like, I finally found my home, the comment section of the Yak. Oh, wow. So yeah, he's probably there right now just hanging out. Cool. Shoenice is a legend.

I used to love his videos, but man, when it took that dark turn and he kind of released, there was like a documentary he made, I think. Yeah. About his suicidal ideations and yeah it was there's only you only can eat like so many thumbtacks and tampons before you probably it is a suicide yeah yeah before you're like this kind of sucks yeah we have i mean now we we've embraced them i think hopefully yak fans of keep keeping them mentally strong he kind of says some crazy shit in the chat sometimes. Oh, well, I mean, duh. He's our crazy guy.

We need a crazy guy in the crew. That's shoe nice. He went after Steve will do it initially, right, TJ? Steve will do it, kind of took his thing, right? He'll turn on us eventually. His process recently has been find a podcast, become friends with them, their community, then turn on them and renounce them forever. So should we turn on him before he turns on us?

Take the power back? Maybe if you eat a picture of him or something. He's turned on the Nelk Boys. He turned on the H3 podcast. How ugly does it get when Shoenice turns on you? He just makes a bunch of videos and posts on TikTok. Well, Shoe Nice, we're wise to your game. We're on thin ice, motherfucker.

Yeah, don't try that shit or else we'll turn on you. You can't fire us, we'll fire you. Fuck Shoe Nice. A case race where we drink beers and then he eats the cans could be pretty fun. Oh my God, would that be incredible. Zero, what is it, like a net zero carbon footprint of a case race? If you ate a beer can, would it not kill you? I think he's done it, so no.

How would you do it? Passing that. Can you find a video of him eating a beer can? It's got to be shards, right? I think if you rolled them into ball shapes. Oh, little balls. That's not a bad idea. Like little bullets and then just pass them through?

Yep. He's probably eating a full beer can, though. Knowing the shit that he's eating. Do you think? Oh, man. He would just eat full cans of dip all the time yeah that was like his go-to oh man it's a very funny move yeah yeah objectively speaking i once watched him eat an entire roll of toilet paper which he's eating it like it was like a dog eats, I don't know.

Toilet paper. It's just disappearing into his mouth. It's a huge industrial roll of toilet paper. That was one of my favorites. What a legend. Legend of the internet. Shoe nice. Roback.

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actually been getting into golf. I shot a 72 at Shinnecock. Jesus. You ever played there? I have. What was your best score? I think I shot like 81 or something. Not 72.

Yikes. That's embarrassing for you. And then I played Frankie Borelli's course. That one I had. I watched a YouTube video to try to, I wanted to get under par. 72's not under par, so I'd watch a YouTube video before I went out and shot. Did something to my swing. I shot like a

132 at Frankie's course. Because you made a change? Yeah, I made a change. Boy, that's a pretty big 60 stroke swing. I still had four birdies though on the 132. Wow, so you've got some pretty bad holes. Yes, pretty bad holes. Couple of 15s.

Pretty bad holes, but yeah, we'll get back out there. Hopefully you can shave another 60 off next time I'm out. Zah, have you been out with yours yet, the new ones? No, not yet. I just took them out of the box yesterday. Hell yes. I did a little video, so check that out on my TikTok.

Dimension Zimba. Hell yeah. Oh, let's go Zimba. That would be fun. I would love to do. I golf a little, just so you guys know. Yeah, by the way, I'm not getting into golf. I do not like golf.

I will eventually someday when I have time. Yeah. It's something I would love to do. Some great courses in Chicago. Yep. Yeah, and they're a little bit closer but again i think with kids in this job you can't do like people go and golf on the weekends because they don't watch like every game on saturday and sunday you know what i love i don't know when you would golf ever never par three courses are where it's at yeah yeah par three or

or like 12 holes 12 holes is what's right yeah that's nice when you have a course where somehow like the yeah the 12th hole can get you back to the right are you still a member of bayon bayon yeah i am isn't bayon no you uh i think you're thinking of uh in his some sort of hebrew bayon? Yeah. What's, who's a... Beth Bayon. Caddies who are comics who work at Bayon. There are. Yeah.

That's right. And you're, so... That's weird. Is that weird for you? It is weird. That's gotta be. That's weird. Where they're like struggling comics and you're a member?

Yep. I won't let them carry my bag. Because then they all, they just want to talk to me about comedy the whole time. And I don't, I'm not out there to fucking talk about comedy. Right, you're out there to golf. I want to just be in my own world. What, um, how did you become a member? Is it hard?

No. You just had to have gone to Harvard? Uh. That probably helped. I joined six years ago. Okay. And back then, the initiation when you were under like 30 was somewhat more doable it's gotten pretty high now how like is there like a box like are you casually racist

mildly racist very racist you got to check that this club is the most sort of diverse nobody cares they got like five or six black people at most yeah like the country clubs just by nature they're the last places in america where it's just like yeah we don't but this is just like they'll be like yeah there's just no jewish people here this is just a golf course so it's not like a technically a country club there's right or pool or anything like that and And it's like it attracts a young New York City crowd. All street. But there's a lot of guys from India. There's a lot of Asian Americans.

Who's the most famous person who's a member? There are some, but I don't know that I can say. Mike Greenberg? I've played with him a few times, and I think so. I think that's probably known. Yeah. I got a funny story about Greeny. So I went to game six of the NBA finals, Celtics, Golden State.

Saw Dave and Hank. One ticket? No, I brought up. That is your move. I remember that. Wait, is that my move? You bought, I want to say in 2018, you bought one ticket to Game 7 of the World Series. I was like, why?

Yeah. And you're like, well, if it happens, it'll be sick. Yeah, yeah. And I was like, well, are you really into baseball? You're like, eh, not really, but like, think about how cool. And you're kind of right, but I was like, why wouldn't you buy two tickets? But yeah, I remember you bought that one ticket. I figure I'll make friends with the people.

Yeah, right, right. That's a good move. I know. When you explained it to me, I was like, actually, I'll make friends with the people. Yeah, right, right. That's a good move. I know when you explained it to me, I was like, actually, I kind of agree with you. I like high fiving strangers at sports games. I do feel like the loner gets taken under the wing of the people because I used to go to Phillies games alone

and like when I lived in San Diego and stuff and like even the Padres fans would be like, come over here, hang out with like people are nice. And I used to have when I had Cubs season tickets i would sometimes i wouldn't find anyone like it'd be a day game i wouldn't be able to go with anyone and i would go by myself and i actually do enjoy baseball you can just sit there and you actually like without having to be in a conversation can lock in but i just remember and i don't even think

it went seven games it didn't yeah right you were just like if this goes seven i will have a ticket well so i have a new strategy um by the way are we sponsored by game time game time game time cool so uh use game time for all your ticket needs um but yeah so what i have this new this new strategy which i've done a few times which is if a team i really like celtics right uh makes it to the playoffs then in round one you can buy game seven nba finals fourth round of the playoffs tickets if it happens right and if miraculously the celtics make it to the finals and the finals goes seven games they have a home game yeah by the time that game actually happens the value of your ticket will have really gone up

because people will theoretically be more invested in the series and you can either decide to go and you'll have bought it at a much cheaper price or you could sell it back on the website on game time yeah uh and make up make a profit. Yeah, sweet. So what happened with this Game 6? Well, I had bought the tickets a couple, I think, a round earlier or something, and it happened. And the Celtics, as you might remember, won Game 1. I think they won Game 3 or something.

They were up 2-1 against Golden State. So I was like, oh, my God, this is going to be the title clinching game in Boston. Holy shit. Then they proceeded to lose the next three games, and I went to the game where they lost the finals. You saw Dave and Hank? I saw Dave and Hank. I saw Hank.

He was walking back to their seats. I went, Hank, Hank, Hank, Hank. He's ignoring me because he thinks i'm just a fan which i am but i'm also a friend yes and a co-worker again yeah and uh so i had to give him like 10 hanks before he finally was like what the fuck once you say it enough that other people around you notice you have to get their attention or you have to walk away and change yeah yeah this is the really sad part. I went, ah, ah. I waved at him.

He was like, ah. And then he tapped Dave on the shoulder and was like, I could see him whisper that or say to him, Francis is here. And Dave was like, eh. Just kept walking. Didn't even look for me. Oh, sweet. What about Greeny in this story?

So Greeny and Stephen A were doing the halftime analysis, and they are in the stadium. They're not up in the box. Yeah, they're right there in the second level with the whole stadium behind them. They were even closer for this. They were sort of on a platform that had been built almost over the tunnel exit. Okay. And so I was pretty close to him,

and everyone's yelling, Stephen A, Stephen A, Graney, whatever. So I'm doing the same thing now. I'm going, Graney, Graney, Graney, we play golf. Graney, Graney, we play golf. Bayon, Bayon. Finally, I got his attention, and he looked at me, went, raised his eyebrows, and just did a golf swing for me.

Oh, what a sweet customer. Which was great. Recognition. How many times have you played with him? I said I've played with him a few times. I think I've played with him once. We've tried to organize multiple rounds. Is he good? He's good. He's a really nice guy. I think he would say I am.

Yes, I am. That's a nice way of answering that. My guess would be that I get to play more than he does. That's a pretty damn clean answering that. My guess would be that I get to play more than he does. There's my... That's a pretty damn clean scorecard. Yeah, that's 72 at Shinnecock. Jesus. Yeah. Did a calligrapher put that down for you?

No big deal. Oh, 13. Nice. Yeah. A bunch of birdies, back-to-back birdies there on six and seven. Finished. I was very upset with double bogey on 18 if I just parred that I would have been 70 par

then what was the I think it was 132 at my other one TJ if you can I went out with Frankie, Trent and Hank tough day like I said I watched a video on my grip I don't know what something happened you also are not supposed to have your phone out

at Shinnecock. And then Elio texted me and was like hey it was during Saratoga was running he's like I really like the like fifth horse in this like seventh race. So I not only took my phone out to bet it but I also watched it.

And the member was not happy. He kind of gave me a look like what are you doing, dude? Did you actually go out there for a round of golf? Yeah, I played. I played with Frankie. Oh. Yeah, yeah.

Frankie, it was Frankie, my brother-in-law, and then Frankie knew a member. So, yeah, this was at Frankie's place, 132, tough. But four birdies. Not bad, right? I don't even know what to make of this. It's such a strange. You blew up right on two.

It's such a strange level of honesty and dishonesty. Yeah, right. I got everyone at the perfect spot. It's really great. Well, if he's gotten 11 there, maybe he did have three birdies. Yep. Well, he's not lying about the 72 because why would he lie about a 132? Yeah, I mean, I tell the truth.

And the nice thing about getting the 72 is I had so many people reach out to me being like, I didn't know you were this good at golf. And it was incredible. Like Will Zalatorrez, Justin Thomas, Blake Griffin, all of them hitting me up being like, dude, I had no idea you were – I didn't even know this phrase. I guess I'm a stick is what they call it. A stick, yeah. I'm a stick.

A stick. Yeah, Will Zalatorrez was like, I didn't know you were a stick. And I was like, I guess I am, dude know this phrase. I guess I'm a stick is what they call it. A stick. Yeah. I'm a stick. A stick. Yeah. Will Zalator is like, I didn't know you were a stick. And I was like, I guess I am, dude. Oh, yeah. Because he said that he shot like a 76 at Shinnecock. And I was like, well, if you need some tips, I'll help you out. Yeah.

Yeah. I stupidly believed it. No. What do you mean? It's the truth. 72 and 132. Again. All right.

Noted. Tell the truth. Here's a funny golf story so uh remember matt lauer oh yeah button yeah button guy yeah yeah hero of yours right hero hero yeah only recently become a hero of yours no he um so i was playing a course with Riggs, actually, and he was on the driving range with Michael Phelps. And they're good friends from the Olympics because Lauer used to always cover the Olympics. This is right after everything had happened and come out about Matt Lauer. He was golfing in public?

With Michael Phelps? It's like a totally private course. Yeah. But they teed off right in front of us. And I'm not kidding you. So Michael Phelps would hit, and then he would go out to his ball. And then they would wait, and then Lauer would hit. And Michael Phelps would be walking like 200 yards ahead,

even though he was playing with Matt Lauer the whole time. And the reason I found out was because they were so afraid that paparazzi were going to photograph them together that they couldn't be close to each other. Why wouldn't they just not go out? Exactly. What? Why? If I were Michael Phelps, I'd be like,

yeah, it's kind of hot right now, Matt. Let's just take a break. Why don't you just go golf by yourself? Yeah. Are you better than Riggs? I'm not sure. What's your handicap? Right now it's 5.5.

I'm a 6.2. Damn. 132 really fucked me up. I was scratch. I bet. Yeah. So I got to start logging my scores. You should.

I really should. I really should. It's fun to log your scores. I didn't play for a month because I was in Africa. Oh, damn. I didn't know you went to Africa. No courses in Rwanda? They might have them.

They definitely do. Zod, isn't golf pretty big in Zimbabwe? Yeah, my dad is actually a seven and a half handicap, I believe. Oh. Have your parents come to America? Yeah, they used to. So my mom went to school here. Oh, okay.

Have they visited, though, you recently? The last time they were here for me was my graduation. They did visit their grandkids in 2018. We're going to get them here. Yeah. Get them on the air. No, no, actually not. No?

No. I don't want my dad anywhere near here. I would like to play golf with him. You can come. Actually, come to Zimbabwe. We've got some nice courses. Okay. That sounds good.

Yeah, I just, someday I'll golf. Someday we'll pick it up. It's just, there's just not enough. Yeah. Because, again. Too much. It's like, well, no. Like I said, Saturday and Sundays.

I watch all the games. So, it's like, if I didn't have to do that, I would have, I would definitely be like, Oh, I can go golf for a few hours. Yeah. I think you got to just go like once a year to stay relatively good enough for when you are retirement age and want to play. Yeah. That would be my strategy. I would love to get into it and actually play a lot. I just think about, yeah. Like if I did on a Saturday, it was like, I'm going to go golf for four hours and then I come back. I'm like, and now I'm going to watch 15 straight hours of college football.

That isn't doable. No, that's not doable. You can't. I would love to. I would love to have that much time for myself. Yeah. I know what you mean, you know? And yeah, if they could figure out a way to play golf, you could play 12 holes in like two and a half hours a month.

You know what was great during COVID when they had the bigger holes? Yeah. Yeah. Everything was a one put when they had the bigger holes? Yeah. Everything was a one putt on the green. That's nice. Although they put those stoppers in the holes because they didn't want everyone reaching into the hole and putting their germs all over them. We kind of overreacted to the

whole COVID thing. Sure did. Sure did. Fucking all fake. Whoops. But the problem with that when they had those styrofoam inserts in the holes was you never heard when you made that putt, you never heard that satisfying drop of the ball

into the hole. They should have speakers with a sensor that plays that sound anyway. What's the fun of a made free throw without the swoosh? There you go true exactly I go golfing with my dad

who's I love him but he's like blind as a bat like he has a cornea transplant he doesn't even have his own corneas actually blind

yeah he's got another man's corneas my eyes stink and he's got another man's corneas and we just hit the golf course and we can't see shit TJ I sent you a picture in the twitter DM's

of us golfing this your dad's very blind yeah oh yeah yeah you can tell that's a blind guy smile that's a whole i mean you know you know a blind guy smile but the two of us are on the course we're like driving up on the curbs and we never like i don't we don't even keep score we're just like well we lost the balls on this one let's move on to the next hole like we're very easygoing and like it's nice because he's not like he doesn't try and give me tips or help me out we just like know that we're there to have a good time and so i suck at golf but i do really enjoy it it's really fun every round's a twilight round for your dad it's fun to be out there and i yeah i mean i don't care about i always bring like

40 balls and i'll hit one that's like 10 feet into the wood or like five feet into the woods. It's like, fuck it. Yeah, that's where just like, I'll leave them in the sand. Yeah. The bright yellow balls. And we're like, no, I don't know where that I think one of the great joys of golf is going into the woods and finding a bunch of balls. You think so?

100%. Oh, not your own. Oh, they're going to find brand new. Yeah. People have not gone. I think that makes sense. All my friends who live near golf courses when they were kids, they would have buckets of balls and they would go find them at night or whatever.

Not at night, but like... Resell them? And resell them and stuff, yeah. Smart. Very smart. Going to the water hazards, you can snorkel, that kind of shit. I have to go. I have my first dentist appointment and I'm too embarrassed to say how long,

but I'm like a dentist-phobe. So am I. Can you do me a favor? Can you take a picture of my gums and ask if I can keep dipping? Absolutely. Yes, I would definitely do that. You should show up to your dentist and be like, hey, can you take a look at these real quick?

Yes. I got a gag for you. Oh, go on. Which is really uncomfortable. Okay. which is really uncomfortable, is that for the entirety of your cleaning, you have to maintain eye contact with the person who's cleaning your mouth. Staring right at their faces.

Can't look away. You got to look at their eyes. When was the last time you went, Kate? I hate to ask. Dude, it's been so long that it's not even funny. It's upsettingly disgusting. Oh, this is going to suck for you. It's been... You can't be worse than disgusting. Oh, this is going to suck for you. It's been beautiful.

You can't be worse than me. Oh, this is going to suck for you though because I did this. I did this like probably when we moved to New York, I didn't go to the dentist for I don't know a couple years and then I went and they were like, you realize that if you come like they tell you to go every six months, it doesn't hurt. But you're in for pain.

Two years would be bad? Two years was bad. Like, they tell you to go every six months. It doesn't hurt. Yeah. But you're in for pain. When I tell you. Two years would be bad? Two years was bad. The last time I went was at my last job when I worked for Viacom. And that was like. Oh, no. It's been like so long. And then I just I got a cleaning that I made an appointment.

And I didn't know I was pregnant. So they couldn't do the x-rays. Oh, I had a cleaning like two years ago. But before that, it's been like I haven't had x-rays in i had a cleaning like two years ago but before that it's been like i haven't had x-rays in like seven years you're a freak i'm gonna be like swiss i'm gonna have to get so much dental work done probably and i think that's why i keep putting it off because i know once they like look in there they're gonna be like you need like 10 surgeries and like eight teeth like it's fucking disgusting but i hate it can you just like request

to just be put under and have them all done at once i swear if i could do that like they're gonna like i'm already like kind of like a tiger tiger gets their teeth me out and do yeah i've asked for that you can't they don't they won't do that they won't put there's like some kind of law about like being a doctor you can't just like put people people under like certain procedures in that threshold and certain aren't or whatever. All right, well, good luck, Kate. Thank you. I'm actually nervous. You've actually made me. I just texted my dentist.

I was like, I should probably come in. Well, if you feel bad for me, use promo code Kate for 10% off and be sure to get your paperweight, something to hold you down, hang out with the Yacht Crew while you're listening. Promo code Kate, 10% off. Yes, thanks, guys.

Merch actually texted me. They said if you buy the paperweight, you get firing power over one person at your job. Whoa. Oh. So if you buy the paperweight, you can fire one coworker. Big Cat, you're on a texting basis with your dentist? He's a stoolie. Oh, okay.

So he's a great dude. That helps. Yeah. That's a big help. No, it is a big help. He was like, i can't oh actually his brother was sick and he was a big fan and he hit me up and i like made a video and then he was like hey i'm a dentist if you ever want to come in i was like yeah i kind of probably need one and so he's

good because he'll remind me and he also knows like he watches stuff so he knows that like I dip and he'll tell me the truth interesting so yeah can I ask you some questions that I've had over the last three years sure let's do it wait I'm going to text him back when do I want to come in when do I want to go in next week

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Good job, guys. Questions for Big K. I'm nervous for Kate. For her mouth? Dude, if you don't go to the dentist for a while, it sucks so bad. You're going to be bleeding a lot. A lot. A lot of blood.

I had glitter from Majestic, still in her molars. Yeah. I had multiple cavities, root canal. It's the fucking worst. That's all painful stuff. Yeah, root canals suck. That sensation of your mouth regaining sensation is so strange. Yeah, root canals are brutal.

Yeah. You just are sore and it's just, ugh. I've never had one. I've always taken care of my teeth. Well, you know what? It was actually completely self-inflicted. I hate going to the dentist so much. I had four cavities, two on each side.

Went to the dentist, got two filled, and then just made up an excuse. I was literally in the dentist chair. They were doing the cavities. And I was like, oh, i have something i have to run so can we do the other two next week and they're like sure and then i just didn't go back and then two years later they're like they're root canals now i was like well that makes sense what what is the root canal it's the root dies in your tooth so they have to like go in they have to clean it out and uh it's like it's decaying like deep into your tooth.

Damn. Sucks. It does suck. Well, here's my question. First question that I have for you. Do you want to dim the lights for this or something? Yeah. Intimate?

I have no idea what these questions are. Okay. When Kobe Bryant passed away. Yes. Did that make you feel more elite for having interviewed him on your show? So? Like in how if you buy a painting and then the painter dies, it becomes more valuable. So, yes, but do you know the story of Laker Dan?

No. Okay. Laker Dan was an unfortunate timing on my part. Probably the most unfortunate timing on my part. Probably the most unfortunate timing on my part. The night before Kobe Bryant tragically passed away, I'm pretty sure LeBron was about to pass him for all-time points. Yeah, they were neck and neck. I started tweeting how LeBron James is the best Laker of all time

and he's better than Kobe Bryant as a Laker, and I ranked my top Lakers, and I left Kobe off, and then he died like 12 hours later. Whoa. So everyone was bringing up the tweets being like, what the fuck? They were pretending the tweets were current. You're Laker Dan.

I'm Laker Dan. Oh, I thought it was some guy. No, no, I'm Laker Dan. I became Laker Dan for a night as a troll, and it was basically just to pretend that it was Kobe Erasure from Laker history, and then he literally was erased from the world. Yeah, the face of the earth.

Yeah. It was quite something. Yeah. It was really, like, I actually had to delete. I knew I hadn't done anything wrong because, like, fuck, I didn't know that Kobe was about to die. Yeah. But I had to delete. I'm preaching to the't done anything wrong because like fuck i didn't know that kobe's about to die yeah but i had to reach into the choir here yeah right oh yeah right right exactly although i didn't slut shame him um the even him off the list uh the uh i had to i had to

like delete a couple tweets because it was like people were pretending that i was saying it as like currently they're pretending that i was saying kobe like is not a top five laker all time after he died yikes and we were on a plane too as wild we were going to the super bowl it was right before covid um it was like the last thing that we did and i remember the you could hear it on the plane like as we, like the wave of people finding out. It was very bizarre. Interesting. But yeah, I did get to interview him. It was an incredible interview.

Incredible guy. But yeah, so the Laker Dan part kind of ruined that. Then he had the helicopter answer in the interview, which was weird. It went re-viral. Wait, what? So he had an answer a rod asked him something about like how does he make time for everything a rod was really good at asking questions that like completely don't relate to anyone but like the two people

he was like so like you you're busy like you take a helicopter everywhere and i was just sitting there like this like no one listening is gonna think like oh yeah my helicopter but he kobe went on to say like he wants to be present for his kids and like he wants to be there and so he would take a helicopter to and from practice to make sure that he had more time at home and like just having that clip go re-viral was crazy wow yeah damn yeah yeah there's a kobe that's crazy well that was well answered my friend okay um that was really the big one i had for you okay uh i don't know who texted me that but yeah i think it's fun yeah okay you know i know i just hope that this wasn't like weighing on you no

since kobe passed you've just been thinking about this uh staring at the ceiling fan in your bedroom well what would happen would be i would see you in our neighborhood yeah and i would think maybe now's the right time to ask him the kobe question but then i'd say oh damn it you know this is where he lives and i don't want to violate his privacy and i've said this before but there are times where i see you and i don't say hi to you because i don't want to violate his privacy. I've said this before, but there are times where I see you and I don't say hi to you because I don't want to bother you. You should say hi. The other Daniel Rapport said the same thing.

He's the new foreplay guy. He lives in Dumbo as well, and he was just like, yeah, I see you, but I don't say hi. I was like, why? Because you're of a caliber where I think you deserve time to not have people say hi to you. I don't know. I haven't earned that yet.

Quick hello. I don't have the status to deserve privacy yet. You deserve privacy. Sometimes I'll be riding the Peloton in the gym. You'll see me on the street. I'll see you. Then I get off the bike and go do something else. Jerk off while watching me.

Mid-workout. So you won't just see me up there sweating away looking at you. I'm really bad at looking up at stuff. Like I don't, there'll be like new stores or something will come in the neighborhood or even around this neighborhood. And I'll be like, oh yeah, that new store. And they're like, yeah, that was like a year ago. You just never lifted your face up. I did that with Smashburger. I thought that was like a year ago you just never you just never lifted

your face up so i did that with smash burger i thought that was brand new yeah it's been 18 months yeah it's been here for a while what's what's the other question um no that that was it that was just kobe now i'm trying to think about it once but but i'm sure i have more so maybe we could do a thing where yeah we'll catch up i'll come on pardon my take and say and do one question yeah per episode and people will love it I like that a lot yeah I'm sorry that you've been waiting this long to get the Kobe answer

that was your Dan was quite something I gotta I wonder if there's any tweets that are still it was just the timing was just unreal people were accusing me of killing him how could you have done that voodoo doll you don't know how to to scramble the coordinates of a helicopter i was just i was like channeling the inner laker fans who think lebron is like

their guy lebron is he's a mercenary at this point in his career and i don't think any Laker fans actually believe this Kobe means more to the league Kobe meant more to the Lakers than I would say most like you can't name a lot of sports players that mean more to a single franchise like just being in if you've ever been to LA the amount of people that are like Kobe fan like Kobe is their guy yeah okay here's another question i have for you in in all the years that you've been doing this you've interviewed some absolutely enormous people who is left that would that would give you jitters and butterflies and and make you

feel like a child again i think kevin durant really yeah it would be nerves i think bill belichick lebron i'd love to interview donald trump do you that was a joke i laughed you guys didn't give me anything so i was cracking up well yeah i remember the day what what what about okay so so do you ever is there any part of you that thinks that maybe someone like lebron is aware of things that you've joked about and said about him and therefore has made up his mind already that he would never do an interview with you lebron no kevin durant yes really kevin durant definitely he just leaves me on red on uh instagram dms uh but also that's not personal right like doesn't he not do anything yeah i don't know i think someday he might i don't know i've kind of given up letterman it was like the first thing he had appeared on and forever yeah

i'm probably too desperate with him i think belichick we'd get eventually um i'm trying to think who else rogers is a big one, obviously. Jordan? Technically. We were offered Jordan for like, it was like Zoom 15 minutes. I was like, no. Yeah, for less than a minute. I was like, that's going to be a waste. I would obviously love, love, love to interview Michael Jordan,

but I think it would have to be in person. That's what I wouldn't do. That would be such a weird way to have that dream. Yeah, right, exactly. And he does no media. So, like, there are definitely people who, if they were offered, I would be like, if they're offered in a specific, like, hey, Zoom, 15 minutes, I'd be like, no, thank you.

We got one actually coming up, a big one, that they were offered to us for 15 minutes. I was like, no. And then they came back and were all right we can do 30 and hopefully we'll be able to stretch it a little more but it's a it's a big one that uh hall famer hall famer yeah okay another question that narrows it down can i ask can i i'm sorry owen if oh no this is great this is what I do every show. Cool. Have you increased your unit size gambling in accordance with your income? That's awesome.

That's pretty cool. I've always wanted to. It's weird. I like to gamble, but I'm so bad at it. Well, everyone is. That I am very humble in my unit size. My unit size is not in accordance. We don't unit shame.

Okay. But yes, my units have grown substantially responsibly, but also, yeah, they've grown. There's been some large plays. There's been some large plays. Are you open about it? I've talked about it. I mean, I think I talk about it. I give a little bit of here and there, but it's also kind of weird because it's like... I get it.

I don't know. It's like a no win. Dave posts his bet slips, but I'm always like, all right, if I post my bet slip, people are going to be like, oh, you're gambling that much, you idiot? Like, oh, sick. And so it's just like, I'm gambling what i think is a reasonable amount for what i have and it's a lot can i ask you what is the largest single wager you've ever placed i think the game of the year for bill's chiefs i'm pretty sure that was 50. Holy moly. That's the most.

It might have been 40. Did you win? That one I won. Oh, my God. The game of the years have been around 30 to 50. They've varied around that. You had Chiefs? Did you Chiefs cover that game?

Chiefs spills over. Oh, you had the over. Well, fuck, and it hit as a result of the last two minutes. Correct. It was very intense. I've watched that. I mean, I've gone back to watch that so many times yeah i'm pretty sure because the problem is we've done like unfortunately i've done like

nine game of the years now um which that doesn't really make sense and that's only been in the last 10 months um but so they've all varied but they've been in that range yeah okay another question do you like spending your money i don't really have anything that i'm interested in besides gambling really yeah do you don't know no even with increased wealth you have no material desires i have nice shoes instagram ads aren't you a big instagram ad guy on amazon oh i buy random shit yeah yeah. Yeah. But then I don't even open it. That's stupid. Optically, you spend a lot, but it's all little things.

Right, it's all, I'm a very big. You buy tchotchkes. Yeah, like a $200, $300 thing I won't blink at. Floating cup. Yeah. Floating cup. I bought the floating cup. That was like 700 bucks.

But like, yeah, I don't really have any. You're not like cars, watches. Cars. No, I don't have cars. I don't like, I have a car, but I don't have have any you're not like cars watches cars no i don't have cars i don't like i have a car but i don't have like cars i don't have like nice clothes i buy some shoes but i'm kind of not even into shoes anymore i got into shoes a little bit now i just like these uh these jordan ma2s that i wear i like all the different colorways because they're just comfortable yeah those are nice too i'm trying to think mean, like vacations a little.

Experiences, I would think. Yeah, but not. It's great though. Yeah, but I don't. I really just like to gamble, man. Like I just, I really like to gamble. It's very fun. I like it a lot.

Which is an experience. My favorite thing. But I presume when you move back to Chicago, you'll want to maybe buy a house? Yeah, and also still gamble. Will you make a decision on your budget for your house based on your gambling allowance? No, no, no, no, no. I have, no.

And I'll probably have a great year for the rest of the year, so I'll probably pay for it itself. Nice. Yeah, I'm a very simple man i don't really i am not a lot there's not a lot going on in my head other than like family's happy and healthy and i can gamble i covet things that's about it yeah see i'm not i don't never i can't help myself i've never had that like i'm i'm if you told me that I could just have, like, a nice house, you know, it doesn't have to be over the top, and I have enough TVs that I can watch every game. Yeah.

I'm pretty much good. Damn, dude. What do you covet? I've always been this way, even since I was a kid. Like what? Like, when I was a child, I would covet toys. Yeah. And then I can trace my obsessions by age.

Go through them. Well, okay. As a little kid, I was obsessed with Power Ranger action figures. That was great camera work by TJ. This is my beater, too. Okay. Power Ranger. Yeah.

Power Ranger. He would never wear his nice one to Barstool. I did. I wore it a couple days ago, but nobody talked about it, and therefore I was happy not to talk about it. Okay, so Power Rangers. Power Ranger action toys. Then I got into Star Wars action figures. Okay.

Then I got, and I'm sure I'm leaving some gaps here, but then I got into star wars action figures okay then i got and i'm sure i'm leaving some like uh gaps here but yeah then i got into basketball cards okay and i'm talking like i would i would mow lawns right i would look after people's cats in the neighborhood when they went away i'm making you know three bucks a week all right just to get that yeah lemonade stands anything to just buy more packs of basketball cards more packs to find inserts to find holographic cards you know all that um and then you in like within a year or two you've just like completely moved out of that right uh pokemon cards were in there somewhere i think magic the gathering even though i didn't know how to play the fucking game yeah um then i got into i mean in high school uh i probably had like a little bit of a clothing thing for a bit there.

But let's fast forward. Got into sneakers. Yep. Right? I remember you had some really nice sneakers. Got really into sneakers for a bit there. And then I got into, now I'm into watches. And I can't, it's just.

Is that the only adult thing, sneakers and watches? Have you gotten into anything else? I'm sure there are other things. But it's like things that I know that other people are obsessed and that there's a culture behind that thing. And I look at it and I'm like, fuck that. I have no interest in that. Like right now, I'm like, I don't need a nice car.

I've never needed a nice car. Fuck, I don't care. And I just know myself well enough now to know that i will probably get to an age where you want and i'm going to become obsessed with cars right right and and the sad part is that for me it's often something that other people say oh it's impossible to get that ah and then i say i will i will see your challenge. And I'm going to utilize every fiber of my networking ability. I'm going to lean on whatever minor cloud I might have

from being on Instagram to facilitate friendships and meet the right people and play the long game to acquire those things. I like that. I mean, that's also why you're successful because you have that drive. I'm thinking back to when I was maybe 12 years old, family vacation in Florida.

I won $100 on a turtle race at a bar, and from that day on, I was like, well, that was easy. I just went in gambling. That sounds like, yeah, let's just do that instead of the other stuff. I mean, but the sad part is if you think about, if you think about like what, how much money would I have if I just had restraint? Oh, I mean, you don't have to. I would have. I would gamble.

I'd be set financially. Yeah. If I had restraint. If I had just been putting all that money that I was spending on stuff that I would get over in a short period of time. But it gives you happiness, no? Fleeting. Fleeting. It all is. But yeah.

Yeah. I think it's the chase. It's the chase of the thing. If you're self-aware about it, I think that makes it not okay but like a little bit more you know like if you had a a problem where you were compulsively buying things and you didn't and you kept on telling yourself like ah it's fine it's fine it's fine that would be a little different right don't you think yeah probably but there's this interesting phenomenon where when you become an adult and you actually start making a real salary and you all of a sudden have financial independence.

Where, you know, I remember as a kid, the only reason I didn't eat candy all the time was because my parents wouldn't give me money to get candy all the time. Right. Right. But at that age, if I had been making money, I would have been buying candy constantly. Yeah. money i would have been buying candy yeah and so all of a sudden out of college whatever you get to this point where you're like oh there's no one around to tell me i can't buy three pairs of jordans right right like fine and then you get to a point where you're like oh rent's gonna be a little tough this month because i bought three pairs yeah that was stupid yeah and so you have to learn that lesson but ultimately yeah i mean it's just a it's just a very

difficult self-taught lesson that doesn't arrive that well my thing is ice cream i just eat too much ice cream do you really yeah i eat ice cream all the time have you ever that would be like the the similar like not like being a kid being like oh i wish i could eat ice cream all the time. Have you ever? That would be like the similar, like, not like being a kid, being like, oh, I wish I could eat ice cream all the time. And then I became an adult. I was like, I can and no one's going to stop me. Yeah. And I still do.

I had an ice cream cone from like the Mr. Softee van last night. Sometimes I wonder how handsome you would be if you lost 30 pounds. I think I would be good. I think I would be like pretty striking. You're really good looking. Yeah. No, I think about that too sometimes. you also have a great hairline yeah if i could just get like back down to like 200 what are you now a lot i don't think you need 40 i don't think you need to get to 200

210 i think 220 there i am that's me when i used to do crossfit that was that was like the nicest mean thing that could ever be said to someone what you just did to me when I used to do CrossFit. That was like the nicest mean thing that could ever be said to someone, what you just did to me. Sometimes I wonder how striking you'd be if you lost 30 pounds. No, it was not. It actually, like, I know what you were saying. I think there's a part of me that wonders

if you won't allow yourself to, you know, to lose weight because it would somehow discredit the character. No, no, no, no, no, no. I would much rather have energy and feel good and look good. I just don't. I'm now at the point, I'm 37. I think 40 is when I'm going to try to start taking care of myself.

I've kind of given myself another two and a half years to just like do whatever uh-huh eat ice cream yeah it starts at 40 yeah that's what i've done to myself 40 is the monday of love right exactly like that's when people usually are like oh i gotta get in shape for my kids like i went to the doctor they told me i have heart disease yeah yeah that will be my 40 i have two and a half years to do whatever the fuck I want. You look at some of the actors that get in shape for roles at 40 and get super caught up. Well, they do HGH. They do. I would like to do HGH.

The point is that the human body is capable of looking crazy jacked. With HGH. After 40. They all do steroids. Certainly. I mean, they all. Do you do steroids? No.

Have you? No. I did creatine for the first time yeah in the lead up to my wedding last week yeah he wasn't raving about it i i took it for a few months i put on a lot of weight uh i got bulky i looked like swell right yeah and then the idea is i think you're supposed to cut after that but then i started worrying that i wasn't going to have i wouldn't know how to do that and would commit to it and i just didn't want to be stuck a macy's day parade right at my wedding right i thought it'd be funny at first if i looked like john cena at my wedding i would be funny like john just the most jacked you've ever been in your life for that one day. All this.

A bag filled with eggplants and just distracting everyone from my bride. All eyes on this guy who looks like a fucking plastic bag filled with cans and soup. It's like bulging. Yeah, yeah. Here you are. Bodybuilders in suits. That's awesome. Yeah.nie coleman lightweight yeah nothing but a peanut um but then i yeah then i sort of backed off of it and i stopped taking it and dude

shrinking off of uh creatine is a very demoralizing really you could notice it oh instantly the weight just pours off. So I need to do creatine and then lose the weight. Ooh. I think you could start to cut on the bulk you've already got. Oh, that's an inspirational cheat. You just do creatine for a week, then lose the creatine weight. Yeah.

I've always said I wish I drank because it's so easy for people when they lose 15 pounds. Like, what did you do? Oh, I stopped drinking for a month. Do you not drink? I do, but I don't like... It doesn't affect your weight. Well, no, I don't. I'm not like... I'll go like a month without drinking.

How many drinks do you have a week typically? Zero. Really? Yeah. I just don't really like feeling like shit when I wake up the next morning. Nor do I. But culturally, it feels impossible to me to not have... I don't really like feeling like shit when I wake up the next morning. Nor do I. But culturally, it feels impossible to me to not have a drink on the weekend. I don't really go out.

I don't go out. I'll smoke some weed. Yeah. That's about it. But then when I do go out, I go 100. I either like going zero or 100. No wonder the fucking case race. Are you going to do one with us i would

love to but i would i would know to prepare for it yeah i would start drinking beer in the lead up see that's the thing is i didn't do any of that but i felt i feel like i still have the ability to just go to 100 if i need to but that's like if i did that and i didn't let my liver know hey you know storms are coming uh i would be sick yeah it would really if it would really affect me i've also been i've been microdosing mushrooms recently i love that nice chocolate bars yeah it's very in vogue i went on a bachelor party and i accidentally macro dosed everyone which was very funny it's the first night i gave it out and it was just everyone was tripping yeah i was they were, I thought it was a microdose.

Like, whoops. It's really good. Oh, I did it with Nate Diaz. Really? At dinner. Yeah. You went to dinner with Nate Diaz? I did.

What the fuck? And Shane Gillis. Oh, sick. Didn't you have a rule you were going to take every drug and drink every drink Nate Diaz did? Yes. How did that go? It was hard. Yeah. He's was hard. Yeah.

He's a machine. Yeah. But he's a vegan. So we were in LA shooting Gillian Keeves season two. Were you in that? Yeah. I was in season one too. What sketches?

Season two hasn't come out yet. Oh, okay. What sketch were you in season one? I was the pastor at the wedding, the blind wedding one. I feel like I watched all of them. The blind guy ruins a wedding. I might have not watched that one. The i feel like i watched all of them the blind guy ruins a wedding i might have not watched that one the reverend watched most of them so are you in a bunch season two i'm in a couple yeah nice yeah i was very funny i was supposed to be in another one uh where they actually named the character francis but i couldn't make the shoot and unfortunately

i've seen it and that one's fucking hilarious this is this guy francis and that actor kills it and i'm like god damn it um but the ones i'm in i i really enjoy too and i mean it's just so funny so funny um but yeah we were in la we had just finished shooting and yeah that's me uh and we ironically just ran into nate diaz in the in like the pool bar of the hotel that Shane and a bunch of people were staying in. And Shane had met him like a month earlier through Rogan, I think. Okay. Hung out with him. So Nate and his crew were going out to a very cool vegan restaurant.

Nate's a vegan. Yeah. And they asked us to come. And so we, like three or four of us, went. And they had a private room in the restaurant. sat down we moved a bunch of tables into this like different configuration so we could all talk yeah it was awkward yeah because the tables took a long time and yeah and everyone looking at you and you're just like i'm just moving tables like i work there yeah you know and everyone's like dude you know. Ever easy. There was such an element of like, don't try too hard to seem like you're positioning yourself

to talk to Nate Deacon. But you wanted to. 100%. Of course. Of course. Yes. Yes. 100%.

Yes. Always tough to be like that awkward when you walk into a dinner party or a dinner and you're like, I don't, I shouldn't sit next to the guy, but let me sit one over from the guy and hope that I'm on the right side that he talks. Because it could go the wrong way where he talks to the right side and you're on the left side. It is a problem. And the other problem is Nate Diaz is not easy to understand. No.

He sort of speaks like Farmer Fran from Waterboy a little bit. And so you need to be kind of close to him to decipher what he's saying. So did you sit next to him? No, but I sat far. Luckily, the room was small enough and the dinner was intimate enough that we were all within earshot. Got it. Nice. And we sat down, ordered a bunch of.

Already at the pool bar, he was like, let's do a shot. I don't do it that well but you know that was mike tyson it's it's weirdly close yeah it is yeah uh so we did a big it was like a big shot too because like the place didn't serve shots so they just poured it in like a glass yeah so i was like too much probably shots yeah went to the restaurant sit down let's do some shots you know and uh and he's by the way he carries he's got a little little john in him it sounds like he carries spiked seltzers in the pockets of his pants love it so that at any time if you find yourself like outside he's like let's shotgun a seltzer right and so i'm like of it and by the way i had decided i was like i'm fucking nate diaz is lackey tonight right i'm his whipping boy

anything he does i'm his shadow right so i'm like i'll do one and he'd be like he'd hand me a fucking thigh warmed seltzer so you're and it's it's seltzers and shotgunning seltzers is not oh yeah warm ones too it's just sweet they're very carbonning seltzers is not a deal. Warm ones, too. They're so sweet. They're very saccharine. More carbonated than beer. Yeah. So you're burping a lot.

So it's like shots and shotgunning seltzers. And then we were at the restaurant, and he pulls out a bag of proper mushrooms. Love it. Like, just raw. Yeah, the ones that will, will like if you don't put it in food will make you want to vomit yeah shit that you yeah i'd only ever eaten these dainty tinfoil wrapped they've made it very easy i remember in like college it would be like hey you got to take this and like put it in like a peanut butter and fluff sandwich just so you get

it down those mushrooms toblerone bars with nougat. Oh, my God. They come in like they're actual chocolates. Like, oh, these are delicious. I saw chocolate-covered pomegranates. You can give them as an apology gift for cheating on your girlfriend. Yeah. On Valentine's Day or some shit.

Last minute. Yeah, he hands it around, and a lot of people passed. And I was like, okay, this is another opportunity for me to distinguish myself as Nate's guy. The best part about this story is Nate definitely walked away being like, yo, I think that guy's got a substance problem. He just kept on doing everything. Someone should check on that injured guy. He's got a redhead, by the way.

He seems like a drug addict. So I took a couple, but I didn't know what I was supposed to take. Luckily, the guy to my right, who, by the way, was Ernie Reyes Jr., who played, I think, one of the original Mutant Ninja Turtles. Oh, wow. In, like, the 1980s movie. Wow. And I think he also was one of the surf ninjas.

Whoa. In one of the original, in in the movie Surf Ninjas. Ernie Ray's junior. He was Donatello? Oh, he's his stuntman. Okay. I wasn't a Donatello guy. Yeah.

Rafael. He was in Surf Ninjas. Awesome guy. He was on the rundown. Awesome guy. He was on the rundown? Movie with The Rock. Oh, okay.

And Stifler, I think. Okay. And fucking, yeah. So he's sitting to my right and he's sober. Right. But he's advising me. He's like,

you want to maybe take like two stems and a cap of the mushrooms because I'm like, I don't want to fucking be an idiot. I don't want to be the guy that loses control.

Right. He's like, yeah, you'll be fine. So I took that and then, you know, we're drinking. We're eating all this vegan food, which is actually really good. A really good vegan restaurant. I mean, that's just kind of, they have to make it such a good restaurant that you're like, oh, this actually tastes like real food. And it's all, you know, plays on non-vegan food.

Right. And they've used substitutes. And it was really good. And by the way, I'm pretty sure this happened, but i saw this sort of out of the corner of my eye at one point a guy came into the private room uh led by the like the manager of the restaurant and they it was sliding doors and so they came in and i oh, fuck. That probably isn't supposed to happen. But the guy that he brought in owned a – I think he owned a hospital in L.A. or maybe a few that had treated Nate after a fight.

Okay. And he told him that, and Nate was like, ah, cool. Good to see you. Thanks. Yeah, that's a weird – What are you supposed to say to that? That guy then paid for the entire dinner. Wow.

Like 16 people. I guess he owns multiple hospitals. Ordering shots. Just a stranger. Yeah. A fan. Yeah. Because he had just violated HIPAA, right?

Yeah, that too. That too. Good point. I think I might have just violated HIPAA. I want you to go on a live show. What a fucking baller move. It was kind of cool. That's awesome.

I thought that was cool because I was going to be like, oh, fuck. Are we splitting this? You know? Yeah, yeah. Does Nate pay? I don't know. So it was kind of cool yeah awesome i thought that was cool because i was i was gonna be like oh fuck are we are we splitting this you know like yeah yeah it was nate pay i don't know so it was cool and then we went back outside and then shane um was gonna drop in at the improv which was like walking distance to do a set is he fucked up he well he can drink like had not yeah but he had been boozing hard yeah and he And he was like, I need to stop. We were throwing back red wine, like chugging our glasses. That was the level of it was getting messy. Vegan food. But again, so now Shane has to kind of keep it together.

So I'm like, I got to step up. And so we're walking. Fucking Nate pulls out another seltzer from his bottomless cargo pocket. The cargo pocket? Yeah, he's got cargo pockets on his knees and uh so he's like anyone with shotgun and i'm like fuck yeah i do and so shotgun another one then he lights a joint and now i'm just like it was like uh in harry potter when you take the liquid luck and the world materializes in front of you i. I had achieved that level of nirvana where socializing with Nate Diaz was simple.

Right. We were speaking the same language. I was just the two of us walking. The whole group was ahead. We're smoking the joint together, talking about shit. I couldn't tell you what we said. Yep. But he seemed to be enjoying my company.

I love it. And I was like, yes yes i am that cool you know yeah in that moment because i was so fucked up yeah um and then we got to the improv shane crushed then we left and you didn't get up no i was were you thinking about it i also don't possess a level of name where they like where they would let me drop in at the improv on a fucking whatever right um and would have been funny if you'd gotten up i know i mean but i don't want to follow your Where they would let me drop in at the improv on a fucking whatever day. Would have been funny if you'd gotten up. I know.

I mean, but I don't want to follow shit. Then you're Michael Richards moment. Yeah, exactly. Francis just starts slurring everyone. Slurring everyone. So then they wanted to keep going out. And by the way, I think it was like a Tuesday. And LA kind of shuts down a little early, especially in the week. Yeah.

And so we went over to the comedy store, but that had ended. And so we went to a liquor store right next door that was still open. And we bought a bunch of cases of White Claws. Oh, my God. And then we went into an abandoned parking lot like behind it and then just shotgun white claws until four in the morning holy shit uh and how did it end that's that's the the only way we drank right it wasn't like there's no opening it was like 15 minute 20 minute increments time for another round how many people were there 10 to 12 it was nate's crew and

then whatever me shane and like a couple other of our friends that were with us and um many many people within the two crews are sober so the crew that was like willing to yeah you know entertain nate was like required to bat with him every time. As I said, I had committed to this yes man mentality and so there was nothing I wouldn't have done.

I was shotgunning. I have pictures of this that we could probably pull up, by the way. Shotgunning and then I was getting sparring lessons from Ernie Reyes, like off in the corner. The surfing mutant ninja turtle? Yeah, him.

So how did the night end? Who said, like, hey? I think we ran out of alcohol. Okay, yeah, that makes sense. Then we finished multiple cases of seltzers. And you guys are all staying at the same hotel, right? Shane and his crew were. I was staying in Venice at a friend's place. All right okay so i got in an uber i went back there uh i woke up in the morning

i had a meeting i know i was doing tim dylan's podcast oh no yeah and that was a big moment for me to sing shit yes yeah music oh wow and so i had to then go from venice back to west hollywood to get my car uh and and that was like an hour-long uber at the end of which i rushed back into the hotel where i'd parked it and threw up threw up all the fucking white claws i'd had yeah yeah um and then i went to guitar center rented a keyboard and then rushed to tim dylan's studio performed the song returned the keyboard did well on the song yeah it went well yeah i didn't you know flub it or anything yeah uh and then and then rushed to the airport and then got on a plane to salt lake and then a quick connection to milwaukee and then went to perform in in uh up northern wisconsin for

the weekend so you were just dead, though, on that plane. Yeah, and Shane, for his part, had a meeting that same morning, which he slept through, and it was at like 11.30 in his hotel. Well, Shane, after he did the case race with us, he did Andrew Yang's podcast the next morning. I watched that a few weeks after because I had forgotten. I texted him. I was like, I had forgotten you've done this and like i'm just looking in his face being like like you can kind of see a little

bit of green paint from the eagles you're just like you were blackout drunk like five hours before you awesome how do i show you guys a picture of this of this scene uh tj you could dm the yak on twitter all right i'll do that um sorry how do you say goodbye after a night like that right that was my thing is like it's always hard when it's four do you just like wander off in different directions or is there like a big goodbye we we dispersed one thing that was interesting was that there was definitely, in spite of this prevailing effort to remain cool, everybody wanted a picture with Nate. Yeah. You know, it was very hard to know how to bring that up without bursting the bubble of, like, we're not fanboys.

We're cool. But you also don't want to have it be, like, the last thing you do. And it kind of was. Yeah. fanboys were yeah cool but you also don't want to have it be like the last thing you do and it kind of and it kind of was yeah and we got this like cool group photo um which oh that's fun i'll i'll pull these up um but yeah man it was honestly one of the best nights of my life i can't i can't lie like it was so fun and also so fun for me because I, the whole time, had just committed to riding the dragon. Yeah. All the way down the cat hole.

It's also rare that, like, it sounds like you knew at the beginning of the night that that was going to be an all-time night. Like, to have the... I just saw it all unfolding kind of in slow motion. You know what I mean? Which is awesome. Wait, Big Cat, what I'll do is I'll... Text it to me. I'm going to uh send them to

you i'm just uh that's awesome airdrop these two by the way tj found one of the little uh laker kobe awesome this is tj right now right um tj found one of the uh laker kobe dan tweets oh these are very funny yeah they're a little grainy but uh you can see the level of nonsense that was uh happening there that seems like a very fun night so the um someone asked me this is eight hours before kobe bryant died oh. Someone said, is it hard dealing with all the Laker trolls, Laker Dan? Seems taxing, I said. Sometimes, but I love all my Laker fans,

even if a few of them out there like to troll people and say Kobe is more important to the franchise than LeBron. So this is the type of stuff. Literally eight hours. He died January 26th. Oh, my God. Yeah. I deleted a few, but it was... I think I did my top 10 Lakers and Kobe wasn't on it.

It's like the old. That was the one that people were retweeting. Wouldn't history have worked in your favor though? It would have. It was more like in the moment people were pulling it up and quote tweeting it like I had just said it. Yeah. And I was like, I'm not fucking dealing with this smart and like it was you know yeah it was quite i mean the timing could not have

been spooky yes yeah spooky see a licker dan killed kobe yeah that's bad i just sent you the pictures tj let's check yeah here's the crew okay what a fucking holy shit there's nate in the back left there's ernie reyes on the left there these are all his boys there's shane back right ian finance john mckeever uh and then yeah and so we're in some parking lot at one point i tried to hike that hill of course it was super steep i mean that is a hill that like i'm looking at right now could you climb it yeah i don't know how it looks easy there and then it gets really i could tell from the body language he likes you the best we got along well yeah we got along well guy pull up pull up some of the ones with the hit there it's just action shot shotgun circle um there we are. It's fucking seltzers. Nate's right there.

You crushed it. I did. That's a fucking all-time high. I was proud of myself. Yeah. You know, I stepped out of my comfort zone, um, and rose to the occasion. That's awesome. I was really proud of.

Nate Diaz is the man. We almost interviewed him on PMT, but he lost his, um, he lost his license, uh, right before he was supposed to get on a plane. His fight license? No, his actual driver's license. So he just didn't come to New York. Damn. It was all set up, too, because his agent was like, are you guys cool with smoking?

And we're like, yeah. And he's like, no, like during the show? Like, yeah. Like, we'll do whatever. We were similar to you. Like, we'll do whatever you tell us, we'll do with Nate. I'll do anything. I'll kill somebody.

Yeah. He's a legendary guy I'll kill somebody. Yeah. He's a legendary guy. He's awesome. Yeah. I mean, and, you know, I think he's only gotten better with age. Yeah. In terms of how much the audience loves him. Yeah.

I don't remember, and it's maybe because I'm just not enough of a UFC fan, but I don't remember him in his earlier years having the universal adoration it was the Connor stuff I think was when it started to flip fully for him but Connor was the most popular fighter in the world that's the thing is like Nate would just go to war yeah

and you couldn't help but respect it's his style too the fact that like he doesn't every time it feels like every time he's in a fight he doesn doesn't start the fight until the fourth round. Yeah. That's kind of the double-edged sword of the UFC. The best fighters are not that entertaining sometimes. Right, right.

Nate Diaz's fight doesn't start until he's bleeding. Yeah, right. He needs to be to the point where you're like, oh, no, is he about to get his ass kicked? And then he's just like, now I'm strong. Yeah. He's bigger than you'd think. I believe that.

In real life. Yeah. Because I know he fought Conor, and I consider Conor to be... A small guy. Springy. Although Conor, I think, went up in weight. Yeah, but Diaz is huge. And, you know, you ask the dumb questions to someone on the side, like,

if six of us tried to fight Nate right now. I love those hypotheticals. Six of us non-fighters. Yeah. And we all piled on him at the same time. Yeah. How would we do? And Ernie was like, you'd all die. We did that with them?

Every one of you. You're asking that? He would crush you. I think if you did it coordinated, you'd win. You just, everybody take he knocks the first guy out and then everyone else gets a little that's the problem is you'd have to like the first there always has to be a first guy who's right in front of them and sacrifice yeah yeah but then then then i mean i i don't know i think he just knows what he's doing he would have a strategy for six people yeah

break everyone's arm we could take him down you should try it just just give him a shit little white claws I don't think it fazed him I think he just exists

on this plane I need to see him getting dressed for a night and just putting 12 white claws just be like alright ready to go oh do I forget oh my wallet

like phone keys my wallet 16 white claws. A piece of white claws, yeah. Where are my pants with the big pockets? Should we spin the wheel, TJ, and end the show? It's been a great show, boys. Just riffing.

Enjoyed it. Thank you. Who's here tomorrow? I am. Oh, no. Oh! Well, we already owe one. Does it double?

I don't know. I think we just got to do it. Take it off the wheel? Oh, you want it off the wheel? We can take it off the wheel. I'm fine with taking it off. If you don't want it on the wheel, let's take it off the wheel. I feel like it's getting a little stale, right?

Because we've done it three times. I don't know. They are. You like them? All right. Let's take it off the wheel until we do the next. We're going to do it next Thursday. If people love it, we'll keep it on.

Cool, yep. All right, you got to spin again then because we're going to take that out because we can't double up on it. It's going to suck if we have to shave our heads, especially for Francis. I don't want to do that. Yeah, well, you might have to. Oh, no, you're good. All right, so that will be the rule, Zah.

We'll take it off. And just let it breathe. Yeah, when we do the Wild next Thursday, if people love it, if it goes well, we'll put it back on. I'm a slave to the people, Big Cat. What they want, I do. I don't think you should say it like that. That came out bad. I wasn't actually thinking.

That actually did come out bad. I'm not your slave, you assholes. All right, we'll see everyone tomorrow. Thank you, Francis. Thank you. Thank you. It's the act It's the act Yeah, it's time to stock shop We're doing Yankee pop It's the act

It's the act