The Yak - Francis Just Really Likes Snakes | The Yak 12-5-22

Episode Date: December 5, 2022

Mice aren't blindYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. So, not only, well first of all, Big Cat's not here because he's sick, and he gets to be sick every now and then. That's fine. But we just don't have a prep sheet because Stephen Che is also not here. Stephen Che is not here. Just wait five seconds.

So we're not prepped. AB is sick. KB is not here. I was sick all weekend. Big Ab's sick. Yeah. It was a bug. All I had this weekend was two popsicles.

Oof. Marty Mush is sick. Your cheekbones look great. Are they? Are they good? Sharp. I never know if my cheekbones are looking good or my beard just got longer. It's whatever, though.

I don't even see cheekbones. No, I have chubby cheeks. Yeah. The nature of my face. About fucking time. Thank you. For real. No, just give them to Kate and she'll pass them around.

You don't have to do the work yourself. Unbelievable around here. I've been working nonstop since I came in a little bit before nine today. Yep. I was tasked

with a video to do. Erica tasked me and Kyle with a video. Yep. Strictly internal. It's to be played at our Christmas party. Oh.

It's getting to know the third floor. You didn't know about that until today? No, I knew about it. We filmed it Thursday. It needed to be submitted today. Our editor was Nick Fasoli. The video needed to be

nine minutes. A good length for a video. That's a long time, yeah. I got a text from Fasoli yesterday. Last night, panicked. He said, dude, I can't get this under 42 minutes it started out as an hour 20 he spent all weekend getting it to 42 i came in at 8 a.m and it was like an episode of hoarders having to delete clips i we had to get this 42 minute video down to nine minutes and every time he hits the delete button, he was like wincing.

And I was like, just do it. It was like, but it's so funny. Every day is the best day of his life. And I think, I think what we have to start doing is releasing the Fasoli edit, which is just live TV.

It's not live because, but like, I want to know what he decided to cut that got it from an hour 20 down to 42, because that has to be the worst garbage fucking ever. If Fasoli cuts a clip, that has to be the worst shit ever. Some of the things he included was funny in a Fasoli way. Like, you know he loved this. And I was like, dude, let's get rid of this.

And he was like, that ruins the buildup. He's like, oh, you're a lucky dog. The buildup and the company viewing video. You love it all. They keep it and just run a movie theater for us. Just like a nice hour, 20 minutes. But he loves it because he gets to watch it. Yeah.

It also pains him that we're depriving the other facilities out there. Speaking of editing, tomorrow. Big day. Tomorrow's the big day? Tomorrow is the big premiere. World premiere of Francis' interview with Tommy Walker. Yeah, start of a new series. The 50 States of Kids. Excuse me, the United States of Kids.

That makes it the same weirdness. Right. I had the pleasure of watching it. Me and my dad watched it together. Hilarious. But it's not an interview with Tom. It's his video. Oh, yeah.

I'm a vessel. The way he flips the script on you immediately, you're lucky to be in the video. I also felt lucky not to know him that well. Because I think you guys know him and know his sense of humor. and it was all new to me, which was such an incredible gift. I'm excited for it. His sense of humor is that he's not joking. Oh. Right.

Right, yeah. He's very serious. And I got very close to not letting this get out, but I decided to go ahead and roll the dice with it. I appreciate it very much. So that's the reason I got to see it. Brandon confides in me, and he's like, is this okay to put out i lied to him all right yeah all good all kosher um we did have to take out the joe biden part yeah we had a can i can i tell the joke or do you know in the context of this and it won't be used yeah yeah this is fine because yeah it's not him it's not your boy

saying we're doing uh i just said i'm gonna now, I'm going to now name, I'm going to say one word, and I want you to say the first word that comes to mind for a bunch of different things. And the very first one I said was Joe Biden. And without blinking an eye, Tommy went, evil. He's also swinging a sword while saying that? I'm not sure how the sword got in there at all oh it's great yeah that is great yeah and now we could probably put it back in no no no i don't want it because yak fans and barstool fans can watch that and say okay well

that's that's objectively funny but that gets out into the world of twitter and then all of a sudden we're grooming tommy for the future of the conservative party or something. Yeah. So. How many states of children do you think you'll accomplish? Oh, my, I mean. I only have four kids. But they're all from Mississippi.

So I'm going to have to move beyond the Walker clan, and that's clan with a K. Yeah, yeah, yeah. After this video. I'm kidding. No, you're not. You think that joke's never been made here? Damn. You've got to use Kyle's black nephew.

Does he have one? Yes. Kyle's a black uncle. Kyle's a black uncle. That's cool. Yeah. Cool. Very cool.

Yeah, my plan is to do every state. I think that's exactly why I chose this. Tommy gave me the concept as we were doing it, which was so many of his answers sort of spoke of where he came from, and he kept referring to Mississippi. And after that, I was like, oh, it's going to be a sort of a placemat map of kids from the country and how their personalities reflect where they come from. How are you going to go about finding a nine-year-old from Wyoming? That's the major challenge.

And to any Yak listeners, if you have a precocious youngster from the ages of, let's say, seven to 12. 12's too old. You think? 12's too old. Tommy's literally 12. Tommy was 12 and he crushed it. Ah, yeah, you're right.

12's perfect. If you have a 7- and 12-year-old who's quirky, precocious, outgoing, smart, and not fearful of being on camera. Every parent thinks their kid is that. Yeah. Well, we're going to have them send in clips. Clothed, by the way. They must be. And we're going to need help. So please, please.

We also need parental consent. This is a major. We need a lot of permission for this to happen. Well, who was the last guy that did videos with kids and, like, they were funny? The kids were saying the thing. Man, I think that guy. Those were funny. Pudding Pops.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Big ice cream guy. Shoes to fill. Yeah. Yes, yeah. Big ice cream guy. Big shoes to fill. Yeah. Yes. Yes. Anything you want to slip in our drinks? No. I am not Bill Cosby.

Not. You're the next Bill Cosby. Well, it does speak of his selectivity. I mean, he had all that access to kids, but he chose adult women. So at least that's in his favor. Okay. All right.

Shoot your kids and maybe a clip of them, or if you've got a kid you want me to interview, shoot me a DM, Francis Ellis, on Instagram. You'll find me. Don't do the corn kid please i'm i'm glad his time is you're going to get the worst videos of all time but there's no other way i don't know how else to do this unless i were to choose child actors and they're the worst i don't want that at all yeah we need kids we know you'll see that you'll see the concept tomorrow when it comes out yeah it's tommy uh tommy walker what time does that come out you know i you know that's all we filmed it programming three months ago buddy you tell me i'm as frustrated as you are backlog's crazy

right now francis the editing team has their hands full yeah they, they really do. And I am not a priority, and that's fine. You got to get Fasoli on the case. Run the whole interview. He's the best. I do like him. What's up? Row back, please. Brandon's wearing it.

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It's time to hop on board. There we go. I feel like the code should be row yak. Whoa. Yeah, that's good. Settle down, Francis. More immersive. My buddy's dad, Italian restaurant,

they're just putting on this event called Ready, Sketty, Go. But sketty rhymes with ready. So just skeddy set go would be way better. I got to text him that, actually. Yeah, you're right. It's to replace ready, not be alongside with it. Yeah. Skeddy set go.

Skeddy set go. I won't lie. I think I like ready, skeddy go. I like ready, skeddy go better. Yeah, it's more fun. Ready, skeddy go is more fun. That's why my videos get put out and yours don't. Damn. Damn.

Damn. Here's a question. Do you have 49 sequels waiting? Because I've really set myself up for longevity. Oh, shit. You can't fire me. I have 49 more videos. We're only through the Northwest.

Tommy Walker's going to be like 30 by the time that 50 comes out. What's Clemmer's blog series that he's doing? The 2,000 best movies of the 90s? He does one a week. That's the thing. You guys are thinking long term. Good job, security. You're making that up.

Is he really doing the 2,000 best movies? What's Clemmer's blog series? I think it's like the 200 best movies. Oh, God. That's fantastic. Yeah. I have no long-term goals. I'm addicted to doing Sporkle quizzes in the afternoon with Clemmer.

I just sit with Clemmer, and we just name the franchise leaders for Major League Baseball in the 90s and it's just a delightful part of my day. That's fun. I just learned that the leading rusher, maybe the leading touchdown getter of 97 for the Dolphins, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar? Yeah, from UCLA. Unbelievable. He also played at UCLA. There was two athletes that were Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. You wouldn't have thought. No. I thought it was a one-time thing. No. Hot movies of the 90s, number 81, Stir of Echoes. What a week.

Did you see? Was that 57 out of 100? Oh, for movie rankings. MovieRankings.net. So is this this week's? I don't know. Is that this week's? I don't know. Is that this week's? That was three days ago.

Okay, so I've got to go back and read the first 18 or whatever it is. He's done one a week since he's worked here. But I love that. There should be a master list at the bottom. I don't know. Mission Impossible, 83 total recall. Clemmer went to Killington, Vermont, in the Pink Whitney house this weekend and posted something that made me laugh very hard. Your comment made me laugh even harder.

I love it. He posted, like, you know, having an awesome time at the Pink Whitney house here in Killington. Come hang. And the way it sounded was, like, come hang at the Pink Whitney house here in Killington. Come hang. And the way it sounded was like, come hang at the house. And then the picture that he posted was just a completely empty house. Yep. Just like the furniture in the house.

Let's pull up the Instagram. And you commented. I was like, this looks fucking sick, dude. I think you said insane with like a bunch of A's. This looks fucking insane. Boy, imagine how good that might be like a bunch of A's. This looks fucking insane. Boy, imagine how good that might be in a couple of hours. I mean, to have that be the like, look at how much fun I'm having. Come on through.

He's not even there. Looks fucking insane. Yeah. Look at this. Having a great time. Come say oh my god it just it just yeah i saw that i was like dude you know what was the two for right the first picture either the one on the right was a horrible crop of the poster so go to the next image oh it wasn't a slideshow no he must have changed it because you're right. There was a slideshow.

Yeah, there it is. Pretty bad crop. He's the best. I had no idea that he was as old as he is. Twice married? He's not that old. He's 40? He's 43. You could have told me 28. Really? You could have told me 28. Really?

Yeah. You could have told me 60. You think he's younger? He's one of those ambiguous guys where it is tough to guess. Yeah. He looks like the Crypt Keeper. Yeah. He looks, he could have been 32.

Yeah. I think. And just. I don't think so. I think now that you know that. A lot of disagreement on this. I don't think so Now that you know that I don't think he could be 32 I remember when I first found out how old he was and I was blown away but also that happens to me with everybody

I think he looks about 40 Yeah I mean he's He doesn't look good He doesn't look good Nobody would say good I don't think he has a lot of pictures of himself on his Instagram, and I'm thankful for that. Yeah, it's for the best.

I wouldn't follow him. Wise decision. I don't know. I love the fucking guy. I do, too. I fucking love the guy. He's a glamour. He's great.

He's a delight. He is. We like him a lot. Nothing but good energy. How was your weekend, Kate? It was good. Did you do anything? i went hiking with my son uh how do you pull that off we make a lot of stops a lot of stops we don't have in the backpack

that's the way to do it though backpack yeah i go into it with zero expectations and i'm like maybe we'll go a mile maybe we'll make it 10 feet and we do a lot of like he just pokes at things with sticks hits things with sticks hits things with sticks and i say what what else do i have going on we can stand here at this log for 20 minutes uh it's just nice to be outside that's really not exciting or interesting that's just great where did you go where did you do the hike there's this chunk of the appalachian trail in jersey where it becomes this really flat swamp and so it's just this series of like five miles of these little boardwalks right before it's called the stairway to heaven and then you hit the first

like once you get back into the mountains again um and so it's like fun for kids kids love running on like beams and shit like that so it's like a ton of that stuff and there's like little bridges and all kinds of things so that's where i. There's this really mean hot dog vendor there that I love. Like mean? Oh, yeah. He's like a Vietnam vet who just shits on everyone. Is that on the trail? It's right next to the trail.

So like through hikers go. I don't think you're hiking if there's a hot dog. No, there is. In the middle of the Appalachian Trail is a hot dog stand. But no, I've talked about this a few months ago. Beams. It's really just a home deep we're playing at a construction i swear to god though i think i said it on here a few

months ago i'm in the middle of the woods with him we had actually made it like probably about three miles in turn this corner go over this bridge of pretty good size like i wouldn't call it a river whatever turn this corner and they're dressed to the nines in their Sunday best with two of the pamphlet holders are like Jehovah's Witnesses in the middle of the woods. Oh, no. That's horrifying. On the Appalachian Trail. And I had to double take.

I was like, am I? Like, what the fuck? That is scary. That is scary. Wow. That is. And then as I got closer, I was like, I have some cute little joke to say to them, but I don't want to talk to them because I don't want them to talk to me and whatever.

And I don't even remember what I said. But yeah, it was weird. And then I wanted to get a picture, but I didn't want them to see to me and whatever. And I don't even remember what I said. But, yeah, it was weird. And then I wanted to get a picture, but I didn't want them to see me taking a picture of them because we're in the middle of the woods. They have to know how weird it is. It's weird. It's very weird. I don't think they do. They had, like, Sunday shoes on.

And I was wearing, like, Rocky Mountain hiking boots. Plus, they had just killed a woman. They had just killed a woman. Yeah, they blew all over them. Sacrificed her in the river. And, yeah. Anyway. I was sick as a dog all weekend i didn't get out of bed

yeah there was a bug going around the office clearly you all got it from the gambling cave you think uh i think i got it from in here yeah i don't really love that i don't want to get kyle's got it dan's got it yeah and yeah i thought he made it through and then it got him you guys see frank kill that rat that was sad i don't want to watch that. It was still squirming. And then he, the rat was running out of the gambling cave and Frank turned that sliding door into a guillotine.

He did that. And he stepped on it. It was Kevin the Werewolf all to do that. It's pretty impressive. He's high as a kite right now. Yeah. He was just walking laughing, like thinking about it.

Yeah. There's rats in the office? Yes. For sure. The exterminator said this is the worst infestation he's ever seen in New York City. I knew we had mice. I didn't know we had full on rats. Yeah.

Oh yeah. You know what they say. No I don't. When you see mice, you use rats. Really? Watch out because there's a part of them. They say it just like that. I've heard that a lot.

I've heard them. Everyone has them. They're still as old as time. They say it just like that. I've heard that a lot. I've heard them. Everyone has to sail as old as time. You're going to find them. You're going to find those rats. Oh, God, I hate rodents. I never kill one, though. It's like my hands or feet. I had a snake growing up.

Really? You were a reptile? Really? I thought I was, and I wasn't. What kind of snake? It was a ball python. You had to feed it mice and stuff? Sure did.

Did you always watch? Was that something you were into? That is such like a trailer park kind of thing to do. That's a Clemmer move. Clemmer probably had it. Yeah, he probably does. Yeah, still does. I don't like to use the term trailer.

It's a lower income move to have a snake, I think. That's probably true. It's just a weird guy move. It's a weird guy move. I liked reptiles, though. I liked snakes. Really? Well, we had one in, like, my science teacher in, you know, fourth grade, fifth grade,

had snakes and would feed them in front of us that's a pretty wild move why why own an animal that can't have any emotional attachment to you whatsoever i learned that i learned that the hard way after a year and a half i was uh i was pretty done with it like freckles wouldn't come to you when you called him yeah they're also they're nocturnal i think so you know the whole time i was awake it didn't want to do anything. Yeah. Except lie like a coil of rope, and then it would make noise at night. Wait, what kind of noise?

Just a hissing. Oh, I hate that. I don't fuck with that at all. It was in your room? Yeah. They always escape. Nobody else in the family would let it be in their room. So did you ever handle it?

I would handle it, yeah. Was it like a big push to get it or were your parents like, this is fine? I think I asked for it for Christmas. I don't think they're very expensive. They're probably $100 maybe. Oh, way. About $99 is the price of my standard gray chinchilla.

Those are way more common. Where did you get a chinchilla? That was my first ever pet, Henry. I had to get rid of it. The way you said it ischilla? That was my first ever pet, Henry. I had to get rid of it. The way you said it is like you have one now. Oh, no, no. You think that the snake was more than $100? I think, yeah. I don't think so.

After the $200, I would say. I'd like to know what the standard rate is for a ball python. They have to have an extreme range. A pet-smart ball python. Not an exotic one this is i think your most basic snake got a run of the mill most people who have snakes start with this is your starter python your starter snake yeah because feeding them is fun you go to the you go to the pet store and you buy these little box mice alive they're dead they're alive oh i thought you bought

frozen i know i thought they were frozen this This was why I loved the feeding of it. I thought it was incredibly violent and beautiful. And I brought it. Every couple weeks, you bring the mouse home. You know, the mice are only like four or five bucks. And they're cute. They're cute. You got to poke holes in their box.

It comes in like a little Thai food takeout box. Yeah. And you bring it home, and you drop it into the snake's sort of glass cage, and the snake senses that there's something new in the cage, but it's sleepy because it's nocturnal. The mouse is nervous. This is its new home, right? But it slowly gains more confidence,

and it starts to poke around. Oh, look at that. Look at that fun little toy over there in the corner, that brown coil of rope. I'm going to explore that later. But first, let's see how far I can go. How deep does this cage run? So it goes over and it sniffs at the snake for a second. The snake's not ready yet.

It's probably really happy. It's in this bigger environment, not new home. Hey, fake grass, turf. Maybe it pees. Nice and warm in there. Yeah, exactly. it's under one of those heat lamps uh and so it goes over to the corner but by this time the the ball python uh has has sort of really started to sense oh boy i'm hungry and now something's here so it starts to

uncoil itself slowly very slowly right and then it sort of gets into an attack position, and that stupid mouse, oh, they're so stupid. They're also blind. Are they? Yeah. They never stood a chance. That's why they always run on the sides of the walls. Is that right?

Yeah, no idea. My first job was at the Ogilby Good Zoo, a really small West Virginia zoo, and there was this one feeder mouse I grew very attached to. I was working with another girl that worked there and she was bound in a wheelchair. We decided to save this

mouse, so we put it in her wheelchair basket. Who says bound in a wheelchair? It was bound. Yeah, yeah. I didn't want you to think I'm blind. She wasn't faking it. There was this one girl we went to I don't, never mind.

But, so we, and I wheeled her out of the zoo and we released the mouse. Saved its life. I said was bound. She still is. Yeah, still is. I don't think mice are blind. I think you confused that with a song. You're thinking that's stupid.

They're like, I wouldn't jump over a moon either. I gotcha. Three out of four mice are blind. I have to fact check everything I say, because if I don't, people will be like, sass is a fucking dumbass. That was a good fact check. You know, wolves blow over hay houses. Bears sit in rocking chairs and eat porridge. The truth here is somewhere between yes and no.

So I guess we'll never know the answer there. You can say that for anything that sees. They don't have good vision. By the way, the reason I was, and I'm surprised, well, I shouldn't have laughed at the bound to her wheelchair. You hear wheelchair bound, but you don't often hear bound to the wheelchair. It immediately evokes an image of someone who is zip-tied. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah, she was perfectly able-bodied. Wheelchair bound implies you're heading that way. Yeah, right. It's like homeward bound. Right. Nice, Kate. I feel like having a... That's like... A lot of people's biggest fears are like mice and snakes,

and you just doubled down and had to have both of them. Nobody's biggest fear should be mice. About like a 1920s housewife. People get grossed out by mice and snakes, and you had both. You know what I didn't do is I didn't finish the story. Oh, yeah. We've still got 33 minutes in the show.

I'll wrap. I have a tendency to go long on my stories on the Oh, we've still got 33 minutes in the show. I'll wrap. I have a tendency to go long on my stories on the yak, and that's why people don't like me. Guilty as charged with the stories. Yes, that's exactly right. I like them. But what didn't go long was this mouse's life. Stupid mouse.

Not blind. You watched the entire thing? Never blind. Blind as a mice. Did you like to bring your friends up? I would bring friends over. It was a show. You've got to bring friends over. As a kid, that's the blind. Blind as a mice. Did you like to bring your friends up? I would bring friends over. It was a show. You've got to bring friends over.

As a kid, that's the hot. Best show in town. And it was once a week? I could see having it for that. Every other week. Every other week. Yeah. That's not often enough.

That would be a bloodbath. That's all that she could handle. I had a female snake. That's all you feed them? Once every two weeks, I fed her a fucking mouse. What were their bones in the shit? I watched Anaconda yesterday. What were their bones in the shit? I watched Anaconda yesterday.

You watched Anaconda yesterday? I watched Anaconda. I was sick yesterday. That movie sucks so bad. That's okay. When I saw Owen Wilson in the Anaconda, I was like, that's just the turd's going to come out just fooling Owen Wilson. He's in that movie? He's eaten by the Anaconda.

Early Owen Wilson. Ice cubes in it? I did 90s and early 2000s creature features yesterday as I was six. Saturday and Sunday. That's a blog series you're doing, right? Yeah, I'm doing the best creature features. So I did anaconda. I did Lake Placid.

I did Deep Blue Sea and Congo. What's the best? Those are all eating movies where one of the main characters gets eaten just whole. But the scene of John Voight getting eaten and winking? No, that's when he gets vomited up.

The scene of him getting eaten is from the perspective of way inside of the snake. Can we pull that up, TJ? It is the weirdest scene maybe in movie history. Anaconda was my go-out thing for my 18th birthday. My girlfriend took me to see Anaconda because I

wanted to see it really bad. Yeah, it was something. It's a good movie. It's interesting. Audrey Ebert liked it a lot. Did he really? Two thumbs up? I think he did. I think he gave it a decent score. I had no idea Owen Wilson was in it. I've only ever seen the remake.

They made some crappy remake. That's the Nicki Minaj song. It's in the music video. Belief. Oh, Blood Orchid. I think that's right. Yeah. It's funny to imagine Owen Wilson in...

He was good. The scene where they blow up the dam and snakes rain from the sky fucks me up to this day. Alright, here he goes. There goes Jon Voight. Yep. This is the strangest scene. Look at this. Hell yeah.

This is the kind of porn people are into, right? That's how he goes. That was it. That was the one clip that really stuck with me. Awesome movie. I'll tell you, the snake I had did not eat the mouse that quickly. You should have fed it Voight. Voight wasn't fighting at all. Much slower.

He was hurt. Sort of a digestive pull. His back had already been snapped. And then you watch it go down their body, right? Yeah, you see the... Yep. Breaks it down. That is so fucking gross. And it's huge the... Yep. Yeah. Breaks it down. That is so fucking gross.

And it's huge in their body. Yeah. It's pretty crazy, but by the time it gets to the tail, it's just poop. Just poop. Ew. Some of it's pee.

So snake is just like owning an intestine. Yeah. It's a living intestine. But holding them is cool, man. They are cool. Oh, I like holding them. You held it? I definitely like holding them.

Oh, I used to hold it all day. It wouldn't bite me. It was a constrictor. It's not a venomous snake. So it kills its prey, like this mouse, which I'm trying to tell the story. It kills its prey. How far into the story are we right now? One third.

I don't even know anymore. I might have to start again. I might have to go back to the beginning. Because now I'm thinking about Owen Wilson inson in anaconda yeah go to him get neat you can see him in the body wow yeah snakes are way more they're way more uh aggressive than i was expecting them pretty good pretty good i mean first of all me and the snake here we're gonna have to sort some stuff out he gets pussy in that movie. In the snake. You say that anacondas are actually nature's aphrodisiac.

What did you see in Florida? They have a massive problem because it's those pythons everybody gets and then after a few years they're like, okay, this sucks now. And they release them down there. And there's like, I estimate it's like over 100,000.

That's a massive population. But more. It's like triple estimate it's like over a hundred thousand just massive population but more it's like triple double that and they're trying to incentivize hunters to come and do like snake hunts now to get rid of them yeah you see they had that in new york too for the rats really pay like 120 000 a year yeah oh for the main person who's going to figure out how to get no it's just like any rat catcher. Any rat catchers, yeah. Oh, I miss Rat Cat. Go around and just kill rats. I think that's a good way to pick up some pretty bad decisions. Extra dough. Snatch.

Scratch. Do they pay you per rat? I hope not. $170K per rat. I've sent a rat. I think we got a new job for all those people that go around collecting cans. Yeah. Seems like a much meatier option.

They don't want to work. Yeah, where do you take the rats then? Like, how do you prove it? You have to just collect them. Oh my God. Imagine you just have your one trash bag of empty cans and then your one trash bag of just dead rats. You know what I would do then?

I would just start breeding rats in my apartment and then I was exterminating them. Yeah? You're going to be big on the rat breeding game? Yeah, I think so. i think so oh and then just look at all these rats i found i don't think there's any amount of money that would make me want to do that breed rats oh i think you're already doing it sass yeah you are oh we actually haven't had any uh rodents in a couple months now living in they finally said it. I've been living in that Jack Link's bag you keep in your corner. The Iowa Jack Link's bag.

I touched, back on snakes, I touched the world record longest snake. While it was alive? Yeah. How do you, how?

Where, how? At the Guinness, and I thought the fucked up part was I didn't even give him consent first. Thank you, Zah. Yeah, that was pretty good. Pretty, pretty good. I can't believe you fitted your ass like that.

That was definitely TJ's. I didn't give a fuck about that. That was definitely TJ. Oh, yeah. Can we see the World Cup rankings? Oh, yeah. I want to hear about this World's Longest Snake. It was in Arizona. It was at an ostrich farm.

Why? Was it an ostrich? I don't feel like those should be as close to ostriches. Yeah, I have a feeling there's some nefarious things going on there. How long was it? How big was the snake? Think of the biggest one, and it's probably that. She asked how long it was.

I don't remember. I was horrified. You can't just say as long as the longest one. I think there's a video, but I don't remember. was horrified you can't just say as long as the longest one I think there's a video but I don't remember I don't know if it made the final cut I swear to god

I touched it I wouldn't mind going to the Amazon I had to touch all those snakes for the most dangerous game show and that was

the worst part about the entire thing I had to eat a scorpion it looked more enjoyable it was really dry. It was super crunchy. There's this book, River of Doubt, where... Which...

Roosevelt. Teddy Roosevelt. He was like a rough... He liked to go out and do stuff. And he took his son and a bunch of people to go explore this one river of the Amazon that had never been explored. And basically everyone died except for him and his son. Wow.

Makes you suspicious. Makes you suspicious. What's going on down there? Can I issue you a challenge? Okay. We're all going to bring you a book. Yeah. We want to bring you one that's so boring you can't finish.

I can't finish it? Okay. Good luck. Yeah. Are you known for plowing through really dull books? She likes it. I speed read. She read, like, a whole book about the Hudson River.

The Hudson River. It was fascinating. Wow. Used to exit behind Hoboken. Did you read The Great Bridge by McCullough? About the Roeblings? Yeah. Yep, I did.

That's where the Benz, people who got the Benz, that's where they first discovered it. I read that one. That one's good. It's fascinating. Yeah. The story of the Brooklyn Bridge. So, Frances, back to your snakes

oh yeah so the snake starts to wake up as the mouse is starting to explore its area a little more i think we were already we passed this point i know i'm just sort of giving a refresher because we've been on a commercial break for a long right long time. So it's waking up. It's sensing, oh, it's time for me to eat, even though I've been asleep because I'm nocturnal. And then the mouse starts to get comfortable, right, and says, this is my home. And just as the mouse starts to get close, you can see it. The mouse is getting closer. Oh, you shouldn't go over there.

Shouldn't go over there. Wham! you can see it the mouse is getting closer oh you shouldn't go over there shouldn't go over there wham and it wraps its coils around the neck and body of the mouse so fast that's the part that's the best and it it uh squeezes the life out of it it constricts so the size of that it's just it's killing the mouse compared to that size that would be like you dominating a yak it's pretty good nick It's killing the mouse compared to that size. That would be like you dominating a yak. That's pretty good, Nick. Because I was thinking about hatching a mountain goat and strangling it, and I was thinking, why did he go there? And then I remembered, you're the king of double entendre. Not at all.

I don't even know what. That must be coincidence. I wish I hadn't given you the end of that story. No. I didn't deserve it, but I'm happy I got it. How old were you? How about none of your business? I was 19.

How old were you? I think I was 12, 13. And then it unhinges its jaw. That's so unlike the person I think you are. It unhinges its jaw, and it, from its own coils, basically pushes the mouse into its mouth. But it has to really get it around it. Does it eat the head first?

Did you have it until it died, or did you give it away? No, we gave it away because I didn't like it anymore. We gave it away to a snake collector who really wanted it. That's good. You said it was just a basic bitch snake. Yeah, but this person, you couldn't have given him too many snakes. Do you think it's alive now and it's like huge I don't know what their life span is

if only we had some sort of fact checker I would like to know that when did you know you were over being a snake guy you probably held on to it for a little bit longer did you neglect it for a little bit no I just realized man there's not a whole lot to this other than just feeding it a

fucking mouse every two weeks. Yeah. One of my biggest regrets is I did not want my rabbit Gus. And then he died and I felt so bad. I loved him more. Oh, shit.

Why didn't you just ever have a... Yeah, he could still be alive. You should never have a dog. I didn't get a dog until my senior year of high school. My parents, we scaled up. I was a hermit crab guy. I named my hermit crabs Regis and Kathy Lee.

I was in first grade. Jesus. And then they died, and then I went to Henry the chinchilla at Gus. I wanted a ferret, but they stunk. But then I went back to hamster. When I was in seventh grade, I had hermit crabs, and there were two of them.

And I would always put them in the bathtub and let them walk around. I just let them walk around the living room and I'd just watch them. One day I took them outside and let them walk around. I turned around and I lost one. And one got away. Fast. And I took the other hermit crab and I raised him and everything. And I lived on three acres and there were woods behind the house.

And one day, like two months later, I was walking in the woods about a half mile from the house, and my crab was walking right down there. No way. I swear to God. How long did it live? Like two months. No. I swear to God.

No fucking way. I swear to God. Those things are the most temperamental. They die on a whim. No, because they grow. They have to switch shells. This guy was, and maybe it wasn't two months then. Maybe it was a month, but it was.

It's in Mississippi. Where is it found in a shell? I don't know. Probably in a Faygo moon mist. It was the same shell. No, they grow out of those quick. I don't know what to tell you. I don't know what to tell you.

The motherfucker was walking. Your parents, I believe, went and bought another one in double. And they put it in the woods? Yeah. There was probably a hundred of them just scattered all over the woods they're waiting for you to find one that was your family's easter egg hunt yeah yeah they were bought hermit hermit grabs around for brandon that would be way more fun than it's out walking half a mile from the house yeah yeah yeah that would be fun remember the brookstone stores that to sell tiny frogs at Christmas? I didn't know they sold frogs, but I loved Brookstone. They sold tiny frogs?

Remember every Christmas? I swear. Can you look up Brookstone tiny frogs? I swear. They were a gadget company. You're definitely making this up. No, no. Every Christmas, the whole front of the store would be, it's like, Brookstone and tiny frogs.

Apparently the franchise owner of Brookstone around where you lived was a freak. I swear that's a thing that was like everywhere. Anyway, maybe I'm wrong. Are you sure they were not like power outlets? He hops all over Brookstone. Hold on now. What the fuck? Or frogs, yeah.

She's got it. They sold electronics. Were they selling terrariums or something? And then just frogs was the other thing. And yeah, I just remember every Christmas the whole store would be coming. I'd love to have hermit crabs on the yak or frogs or like some sort of. Some sort of little pet. That's doable.

We had a little fish tank. It was a pretty big fish tank, actually. It was like one of those rectangular ones. Yeah. And we had like probably like four fish, five fish in it. All little small fish. And there was one catfish. It was a small little catfish. in it, all little small fish. And there was one catfish, and it was a small little catfish.

And it ate all the other fish. And then it lived for like three months, and it would just swim laps around the thing for 24-7. It was pretty crazy. It grew every time it ate one of them. I think I met that fish once, actually. But actually, it said it was a 24-year-old woman

named Leslie. Yeah, it was Leslie 24 year old woman named leslie yeah she was hot fucking bitch imagine my surprise i show up to meet her fucking in ohio fucking it's a fish what the fuck i wish there was a term for this how are you sending me those messages why is that the term for it? I'm not sure, but I like that it is. Me too. That's a good question. Why do they call it catfishing?

I don't know. Because they're bottom feeders? Because you catch catfish and then, I don't know, you eat. Brandon, you've eaten some catfish, right? Oh, yeah. Yeah. You ever like... Y'all have. I have not.

You've never eaten catfish? No. Catfish is good. You gotta eat some catfish. Catfish have not. You've never eaten catfish? No. Catfish is good. You gotta eat some catfish, boy. I've never had it. Never even thought about having it, actually. Call it a catfish. I guess...

Oh, it originated from the documentary Catfish. That's Neve Schulman. There you go. Why didn't you call it catfish? You know Neve? He's a personal friend of mine. Really? And I don't say that to brag.

Why don't you? Because I don't know how sweet he is he used to uh before i worked here i used to like kind of get him on twitter with like getting catfished fakely but he believed it but then i applied to be his new assistant after the gray-haired guy retired yeah and i was contacted back but they you know it's something he's a fantastic dancer really i think he did pretty well on dancing with the stars he was uh training to he was a ballet ballet guy and that's where they he met the original girl in the documentary was that they bonded over their shared love of dancing very interesting he came up he came onto the yak and we had the dude wipes

thing in the corner and he was just like we were on and he was like you mind if i get some of those so he must be like a sticky pooper or something but that was that was my experience with uh neve uh francis will you read uh ad number two please got it like for you to read that verbatim guys uh manscaped right you don't have to read the title of the ad. All reads must be at least one minute. Okay, don't. All right. It's never too early to play holiday music, and it's never too early to start thinking about gifts.

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Manscaped, get your jingle balls ready for the holidays. I have a question for Jens. What is the worst band name to best band? The best music, but what's the biggest gap there? I think it's the Goo Goo Dolls. Oh, yes. I hate that name so much, but they're a great band. No, can't wear that on a t-shirt.

The one name I weirdly don't like is The Band. Oh. I love their music. Yeah, I don't like the name Earth, Wind, and Fire. Yeah, okay. But do you think they have the best music to bad name? I would need more time to get you right. What's wrong with the name Earth, Wind, and Fire. Yeah, okay. But do you think they have the best music to bad name? I would need more time to get you right. What's wrong with the name Earth, Wind, and Fire?

Any name of a band that has commas in it? Come on. I don't like geography bands. I don't... Alabama, Boston, Europe, Asia. Yeah. I'll say my dislike towards the name The Band is because I'm a big Bob Dylan fan, and everyone used to be like, oh, this is with The Band, and I would be like, who the fuck is The Band?

Thinking it's a band, but I didn't realize that's their name. You got gut. I got gut hard. Catfished. Yeah, catfished. I guess I don't really have many problems with many band names. There's bad bands that have bad band names, like Hoobastank. I used to have that CD.

NWA has an ad-racial slur in it. The nasty one. The worst. What was the worst? NWA? Jesus, Kate. Francis, what was firing part two oh you're asking for me to say yeah she was wondering what the worst

she was she really wanted to know manscaped has asked that i not say on the podcast that was the one thing on the ad please don't i wasn't going to please don't say the n-word slur in our ad. What? Okay. AJ, throw the wheel up. Oh, yeah. I wouldn't mind a name wheel.

Kind of hankering for one. Hankering for a name wheel. Yeah, that was supposed to be like the big rebrand, and we've like never gotten it. It just hasn't happened. Yeah. And we're very backlogged on things to do. Sounds good. I like compliment minute. I feel like there was something we've like never done it. It just hasn't happened. Yeah. And we're very backlogged on things to do. Sounds good.

I like compliment minute. I feel like there was something we were supposed to do today. Probably. Now we're resetting. God damn it. That'll be it. Now we gotta spin again, right?

Oh yeah. We're gonna have all these dries now. I ask this for what the wheel, the wheel decides what the wheel's gonna do. Alright? True.

Just. We just add some dries back. Yeah. That's going to do, all right? True. Just. We just had some drives back. It's not that many, is it? When's your White Sox Day video come out? I don't know. A part of the backlog? You have a very... This is what happens.

You shoot something, and then they say that we want to attach sponsors to it, if it's good. So then they go out with the sales team and you gotta wait you gotta leak it i can't i mean you know i want a sponsor to be attached that'd be nice it's done and good and like the more time you give white socks dave he's just gonna say what happens in it yes he's been pretty good about this show up on google one time he's been pretty good i'm actually very uh excited about that one and i'm very excited about the tommy video no one of those do you think has a higher iq i mean i i can say this without batting an eye it's tommy yeah white socks dave is a creature Remarkable Yeah

I love that he'll fuck up He'll do something incorrect And then find this way To twist it and make himself believe That what he did was correct Yes he doesn't Defend the answer he morphs himself To the answer

He morphs the reality around him Yeah Sort of super villain himself to the answer. He morphs the reality around him. Yeah. Sort of super villain. He's funny though. I gotta give him credit. He's funny. He's funny as hell. He's a very funny guy. We gotta spin the bitch again? Yeah.

It's also so genuine that it's endearing. Yeah. He doesn't know that he's being funny. Yeah, yeah. Say he does, though. He could be smarter than his mom. I mean, I've talked to him about this. There's a very clear switch between when he's like,

okay, now I need to be funny and then tries, and then it's not funny. And then when he's just being himself and he's very funny. So my biggest challenge in that whole time that we spent together can be himself was just getting him to drop drop all effort and instinct and just just dude just be yourself and when he did that he was magical yes some magical moments are you hoping for that to be a series as well? Yeah. I mean, all these things that I've shot and done now are just being packaged and presented and all this.

That's the new way of things happening. I think it's for the best. For sure. But it is a little frustrating for me because it makes it look like i haven't put out a lot of work in a while whereas you don't have to worry about that well i'm kind of waiting for like to to get feedback from them once they're presented so then you're like well that's a series and it's working so now i'm gonna line up the next 49 episodes of that or whatever you know always 50 50. 50.

Maybe we'll go to Puerto Rico. Not that they deserve it. Oh, no, no. Oh, God, no. Mess up the flag. Yeah, you mentioned it. We didn't really look at it. World Cup standings.

So, Zaha is just insistent that Brazil is going to save him, okay? But Brazil needs to score four goals over the next couple of weeks. And if they don't, his ass is going to Qatar. They play in ten minutes if they lose today, it's over. If they lose 1-0 today or – If they lose without scoring four goals, it's over. Oh, they have to score four today? No, they have to score four in the rest of the tournament.

If they lose, they're out. In Switzerland – They're the favorite to win the World Cup. Oh, so they can't lose today. Right. But if they get upset, he's too – what's the word? You're too nonchalant about this. Relaxed?

Relaxed. You're too relaxed about this. Nonchalant. He's going to Qatar anyway. If you know that, so there's that angle of it. And if you know anything about this Brazil team, I mean it's just stacked from one to – But they haven't scored.

You don't need to. They haven't played that well yet. yet you don't need to it's get out the group stages but you think they're just going to turn it on now now now because you actually have to win the games i feel like and it's four goals so if they make it to the final i'm fine all right so what are we going to do about ron i mean do we just give him one of his other countries i mean he's not going to be able to go to Iran. How about we make him go to both Cameroon and Denmark? That's his other two countries. All in one shot. I'm more thinking about this 3K that's about to be

in my pocket. I don't think you have a winner. You have to win the World Cup. You have to win the World Cup. It's not about goals. What does second place get? They get to pick out a punishment for second to last place. You pick out a punishment for... I don place. You pick out a punishment for... I don't really like punishing my friends. It could be for Roan.

Yeah, but I don't want to punish Roan. Why not? My punishment would be... Would Roan punish you? I would like to think no. You make you chop your dick off. Yeah. Can we see the standings again?

Most goals picks a punishment for second fewest goals. Okay, all right. So, yeah, it would be wrong right now. Or if Zaw wins, it would be wrong. Yeah. It's a lot. What you guys are doing is a lot to digest, which reminds me as the snake.

Oh, no. As the snake is digesting the mouse that you fed, it finally gets its mouth around the whole thing. And it's amazing because the mouse just gets smaller and smaller and smaller throughout its body. And it makes the snake very tired. It really does. Even more tired than it was given that it's nocturnal. I have a question about the story. Is there never a point where any of the mice would say, oh, fuck, this ain't right?

Yeah, they try to hide. And start running or anything? Or do they always get caught by surprise? There's nowhere they can go. But you know what I'm saying. Do they start skittering at all? I guess you're right. I think there might have been a few mice that started to shriek.

They've got this shriek in them. And they know. They're cute. Yeah, they're cute. If you're into that sort of thing. I would say having a pet mouse would be better than having a pet snake. Yeah, get a little wheel in there.

When they put their little tiny feet up in front of their mouth and nibble on something, that's cute. Very cute. No, no, I can't kill animals, right? I can't either. Once I caught a mouse in my house

and instead of killing it or anything, I just decided to take it to the, take it down to the, I or anything, I just decided to take it down to the dump. I put it in a bucket, and I took it down to the dump, and I just released it, and I thought he'd be happy there. And I watched him run around a little bit, and he just wasn't. He was a tiny mouse, and it didn't look like it was going to be a good home for him, so I just put him back in the bucket and took him and put him back in my house and let him live in my house.

That's what you've got to do. That's really sweet of you. I never told my wife that, though. And as a result of that, a poor Indian boy got an answer right on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. That movie was unrealistic as shit. Oh, sure was. You don't get that far on pure personal life experience.

No. Not at all. It was a good film, though. Loved it. I never watched it never saw it that's a great you should great story if a movie's made after like 2006 or five i've chances are i haven't seen it pretty much my wedding day not making clemmer's list that's for sure no his is a 90s list francis that's right what's he going to do after the 90s? What could he possibly do? He'll do movies 400 to 200. Oh, okay. I was thinking he'd go to the back half of the 90s.

Sass. Oh, no. It was Tommy on Son of a Boy Dad that said no good movies came out in the 90s. Yeah. And then I listed off and it's like the top 10 list of best movies of all time is all movies from the 90s. Isn't Tommy's favorite movie Goodfellas? He didn't know it came out in the 90s.

He didn't know it came out in the 90s. It was like Goodfellas, Shawshank Redemption, Pulp Fiction, Casino. Anaconda. Little Mermaid. The Lion King. Space Jam. I think the hardest part was cleaning the cage. Yeah.

Because after it would poop, it would poop on this sort of astroturf mat that I had. Is there an odor? Snake poop smells. Yeah, it didn't smell good. It sort of looked like mucus and you'd have to spray that. Take the mat out. And that was your responsibility? Yeah, I had to. I had to take care of it. I was the one that wanted it. Not worth it. Sometimes I would take her out into the

woods, we'd have a trampoline, and I would put her on a limb, on a limb of a tree. Let her coil around that. That's nice of you. Yeah. Sort of my way of letting her. Deep down you wanted her to run away?

Get some exercise. Okay. That sounds really. Yeah. That snake could have gotten away from you in a heartbeat. Sure could have. She didn't, which made me think she knew. What was her name?

Clarissa. Huh. Because Clarissa explains it all? Well, more because it had is in it, and I would hold on the double S's. God damn it. Huh. Because Clarissa explains it all? Well, more because it had is in it and I would hold on the double S's. Ah, damn it. Yeah.

You were a gay boy. You didn't go with Melissa. You went with Clarissa. Might have been. Still worrying. Oh. Zah, who's the best player on Brazil? Neymar Jr.

Is he going to score today? Absolutely. Who are the best player on Brazil? Neymar Jr. Is he going to score today? Absolutely. Who are some other players on Brazil? Richarlison is on there. Pele's near death, too, so if he dies, they're definitely going to win the World Cup. Casemiro. Casemiro? I think over 2.5 is realistic or no?

It's a mouthful. You know, I wonder sometimes if we could have done a bigger animal than a mouse speaking of mouthful like if if you know we had a chihuahua like uh like nick's chihuahua we could have probably fed that to clarissa i had a chinchilla i might hit you oh chinchilla yeah even better i'm in a big ball. Yeah. What's cool about the python is that as it gets bigger, it can actually unhinge its jaw farther. And there's really no end to what it will take on. This is like the African gorillas again.

Yeah. Is it? No. There's no chance they could have eaten a gorilla. Oh, God. Maybe a baby. We'll say the age cutoff to when, if you're still owning a snake, that's a red flag. I think it's probably 17.

You think? Yeah. I feel like that's the age where after that, I feel like in my 20s, if I went back to a guy's place and he's like, here's my snakes, I'd be like, uh-oh. Interest in reptiles should diminish as interest in women goes up. Yes. Yes. Those are two do you know that

a lot of snake people uh they treat snake spotting in the wild much like bird watchers treat bird spotting so i got my x i got my you know it's an honor system yeah and and they they collect and name you know all the different species of snake that they see. A lot of them will go off of culverts and highways at night, wearing orange vests and with lights and stuff in those holes to go look down in the brush and the scrub for snakes. I remember we went to the Philly Art Museum for, I guess it was like a 5th grade field field trip or something like that and it's kind of on this hill overlooking the city and there's all these rock walls and stuff and there was just a ball of snakes writhing around on each other i

think they were mating or something i don't know but that like made the whole trip for us the whole squad was just buzzing off that snake i only had one. But it would have been cool to have a friend. I wonder, do they fight, do you think? I don't know. Well, it depends. Probably. Maybe. I don't know.

Most animals do. It's going to take forever for one snake to eat another snake. Counting the time until we can leave. Yeah, it's a big, long snake at that point. It looks like that for a long time until it's all the way down. It's just a nesting doll situation. Right. Nice. Nice.

Nice. All right. That one eats that one and then another snake eats that one. Oh, it is. And so forth. 30 more seconds, guys. Let's keep going. I think that the fact that people use the word snake to define humans that are untrustworthy

is unfair to snakes. There's a lot of things that are unfair to snakes. Rolling two ones? Snake eyes? That's a bad roll. Yeah. Why? Shouldn't be.

No. There are many games that reward rolling snake eyes. Well, the Bible did that. Chutes and Ladders. Was that originally a snake? Was it snakes and ladders? You can't big head me. You need to come up with a snake icon to put over my head because I'm on the snake train.

Why does it blend so well? I don't know. It's so weird. It looks so real. It looks like the most advanced tech in the world. It looks so real. I think it's because your affinity of solid color tees. It kind of blends.

There's no cut. Oh, man. All right. color tees it kind of right yeah there's no there's no cut oh man all right well go brazil right guys nah oh fucks off well i bet on them so oh okay and i'm gonna been a gambling man streak oh my god i had the best parlay yesterday and i lost because fucking Because what's his name? That Kirk Cousins didn't throw 200 yards. And they scored a lot of points. How did you arrive at that bet? What do you mean? Well, you didn't really seem to know who Kirk Cousins was there when you described him. And how did you arrive at betting him to throw over 200 yards?

I thought the reason I arrived... Everyone throws... What's his name? Fucking... I wanted to... Python. Mike White threw like 300 yards. arrive at betting him to throw over 200 yards i thought the reason i arrived everyone throws what's his name fucking uh i wanted to python i quite threw like i said to myself i'm gonna i'm gonna bet on this snake here i'm gonna bet i'm gonna bet on it no i feel like we've already we've already done the video if you had brought this up to tommy he also loves reptiles and snakes look at that would have really been able to expound with you. All this time you've been saying, let's not talk about snakes anymore, when that reason is because you sort of see me as a son of your own.

I think he does. That's what I've long told people, yes. You're the father I never had. Would you get Tommy a snake if you really wanted one? No, I would not. I don't really love Tommy as much as I put on. Goodness me. Did you watch the Vikings game yesterday, Sass? Yeah, it was a good game. Did you see

Madison's touchdown celebration? Yeah, it was super uncomfortable. I loved it! No, I know. I thought it was funny, but I don't think anyone else understood it. Was it serpentine? No, it wasn't quite. God damn it, Francis! Fuck! What kind of a celebration? I'm picturing, like, doing the worm, you know? He's, like, turning his body into a big snake. Pretended snake pretended to pull a hamstring dude did you hear the announcers too

no they were like don't joke about injury that's the second time that's happened this year we can feed those to her that you could pull one out of it the bones out of its cage move off the snake thing i think i've beaten it into the ground a little too no i think you got at least 10 more minutes on snakes. Yeah. Have y'all ever had a close encounter with a snake in a while? Yeah. I used to be big into mountain biking, and I ran one over once and freaked out. I wrapped around the wheel.

I was running to go fishing once, and I ran because I didn't want to see a snake. You were wearing shoes, Brandon. I stepped right on one, and of course I was not wearing shoes. You were not wearing shoes. Brandon, your early childhood feels so much like reading just a Tom Sawyer book, just running around barefoot. There's one character that I think you can relate to. We would get home at like 5 o'clock. We lived in the country, and we had a pond right beside the house. I would run out there every day and fish, but I was scared of snakes,

so I would always run because I didn't want to see a snake. And then one day I was running, and when you're running, you can't really stop, and I stepped right on him. Oh, you can't stop when you're running. Well, you can stop, but you can't stop on a dime.

There was this kid that it was, he used to go trick-or-treating with me every year. He was my dad's co-worker's son, and he went as Tom Sawyer every single year. I've told this story, but he put his candy in a whitewash bucket, but he couldn't go up or down steps, so we had to skip over houses that had steps.

Oh, yeah, you have. So those were the wealthy houses. Time, time, time, time. Why couldn't he go up and down steps? Never could do it. I don't know why, and I was... The sigh, the... Is he a normal child otherwise?

Yeah, the angry noise I let out when I saw Tom Sawyer getting out of the car every year on Halloween. Why wouldn't you just say, hey, stay here on the sidewalk. I've got to go up these steps. I couldn't do that, man. You could have. I couldn't do it.

Was he bound to a wheelchair? No. Couldn't scale the steps. Sounds like a very, it's like the origin story of Passover for people with bad knees. I said scale for you. What does that mean? Snakes have. I was just thinking about Passover.

I was a little stuck on the Passover joke. There we go. That's pretty sick. Holy shit. That's pretty sick. Why is the stick green too? I think it's just a mossy stick I don't know if I just texted my parents

did I misremember this but my brother when he was a baby was I guess asleep in his room and the neighbors were like all drinking on the driveway they used to do like lawn chair circles on the driveway old tight knit neighborhood in the 90s while it was the 80s and there was a snake going up the side of our house

and the way i'm remembering this is that they like knocked it down with the rake and the neighbor blasted it with a gun i don't know if that's true um i'm double checking to see if that's probably lore or if that's we trapped i remember neighbors trapping them with rakes but then getting a shovel to get the head off something yeah in something. Yeah. In my mind, someone blasted it. I remember there being a massive snake outside of my cousin's house

and my mom and my aunt just splashing it with water that it would go away. The snake was like, this is the best day of my life. It was very odd. Thank you. I have a very vivid memory of it.

It was probably like four when that happened. Getting a little tired of all this snake talk. Sorry, Francis. I think we should move on to something else. I want to keep talking. Let's talk about Brazil.

What do you want to talk about Brazil? Brazil. My cousin married a woman from Brazil. Good on him. And they want to do like a second wedding in Brazil, and I want to go. It seems awesome. I started following all these Brazilian travel accounts and stuff. I'm all in. Why seems awesome. I started following all these Brazilian travel accounts and stuff. I'm all in.

Why do people do a second wedding? Well, like from a different country where not everybody can come. So you do one for like our family here and then they want to do one with like her family. But they want to invite us still. I want to go. Do you think that's fair that her family couldn't come the first time and now you're just going to go down there as vacation to go? Yeah. Do something they couldn't do?

How long have you been married, Brandon? 16 years. Have you renewed your vows? No. Why do people do that? I don't know. I went to a vow renewal. My wife does want me to rebuy her ring, though.

Well, that's just because you make more money now. You renew a vow because someone has cheated, typically. Is that really? I think so. Doesn't that sound right? That's not what I did when I cheated, typically. Is that really? I think so. Doesn't that sound right? That's not what I did when I cheated, no. Right. Oh, golly.

Yeah. Randy. Okay, joke, and that never happens. Oh, man. You're really putting your foot in your mouth there. And speaking of things that can fit in a mouth, oh, fuck. That's not what you said. You probably put my whole foot in that snake's mouth. What are fuck. That's not what you said. You probably put

my whole foot in that snake's mouth. What are you rocking those socks? These are my... Orchids? They're just flowers. Very flamboyant. I'm a flamboyant guy. You are. People don't know that. That's what I am. You're buoyant.

Your fat ass can't sink. I got an update on the snake. I'm sorry. Yes, a.22 caliber rifle. The first five shots missed it, then a kill. And this was outside a baby's bedroom. How long ago was this? They really got that down.

This was like 30-something years ago. The details. Different time. First five shots missed. And this was in the suburbs of Philly. It wasn't like we lived in the woods or anything. There'd be snakes everywhere. Yeah, they really do.

Saw a skunk the other night. Oh, man. They used to live under our shed. I didn't know y'all had skunks up here. Yep. My dogs got messed up with some skunks the other night. I got skunked once. Our dogs used to get skunked all the time.

They came in stanking. We'd have to bathe them in tomato juice. Yeah. That's what we always did. It's a big thing. That's a lot of tomato juice. How'd you get skunked? Threw a Nerf ball at a skunk. What happened to the gun?

Canaan Valley, West Virginia. There used to be an episode of Curious George where George got skunked and they had to bathe him in tomato juice. It's his fault. No. Stupid monkey. Realistically, though, he could probably just pull apart a skunk pretty easily. He was curious. He was curious, though. Yeah. I heard if you diss, though, he could probably just pull apart a skunk pretty easily. He was curious.

He was curious, though. Yeah. I heard if you descent them, they're like lovely pets. It's really nice. I love the way they wobble. Yeah. They got a good wobble to them when they walk. Heavy tail, fluffy tail.

He's my favorite animal. Did you guys see that raccoon video? Yeah, that was crazy. Holy fuck. There's multiple ones. I saw one fall out of a tree, and then I saw another one where a mom – Yeah, throws up. The bus stopped.

Yes. The little girl was on the front porch. Did you guys see it? No. Little girl's on the front porch waiting for the bus. The raccoon runs up and just gets her leg, and the mom comes out and just – She has to go get a rabies shot. Bottles it.

Yes. Yeah, they got them. Good. I did the whole – Maybe we could see that. If we could see that, that'd be cool. It's crazy. It's a pretty vicious video.

How puffy Dana looks. No, and he's bigger when he takes the jacket off. 275. He's huge right now. He said he's 6'4", 275, and he compared himself to Joey Bosa. He shouldn't have done that. Here we go. Oh, my God.

Oh, sorry. It's terrible. That's just very much babies very much no not with the screens oh thanks kate yeah i'm sorry it's a real funny video it's not it's not funny it's just i've seen this video like 800 times i know all over reddit oh my god i would be freaking the fuck out is she being bitten now looks she definitely did in the beginning for sure it was just getting her it's a good hold on it that part's funny and it just crawls right back onto the house yep it goes right back yeah that's like a rabid racket oh my god i'd like to think those are the videos where I'm like, as a parent now,

I'm like, I would do the same thing as that mom. Yeah. I hope so. TJ, why don't we just pull up a terrified children? I know. I didn't mean to play that. That was terrible. I'm sorry.

Yeah, sorry. The video, I saw another. I don't know if it was on TikTok yesterday or something, but somebody cut down a tree in their yard, and the tree fell all the way over, and when it landed, it popped, and raccoons rolled out. Oh, wow, that's kind of cute. A bunch of them?

I think it was just one. Have you ever seen the black bears in the trees? They all just post up in trees. Yeah. What, just hanging out? Zill has scored. They all climb trees. Zill has scored.

There you go. Hell yes. Early. Scored. Does it matter? He's just Junior. He's having a good World Cup. Wait, so there's a Neymar Jr.?

Yep, Neymar Jr. is Neymar Jr. So Neymar scored? It's the same Neymar. Neymar is... It's the only Neymar I know, right. When did he have the junior? He's been Neymar Jr. He wasn't Neymar Jr. that time he got hauled off the World Cup.

He definitely has been Neymar Jr. since he popped out of his mother's pool. I think we should just call him Neymar. His dad is his agent. Wait, who scored? Neymar? No. No, Vinicius. Oh. That's true. I need Neymar to score. I watched his, there's a documentary on Neymar. It's pretty good. My Chick-fil-A's here.

Alright. I'm sorry about that. Kate, I'm just josh hey you ruined the the screaming reminds me not a snake thing i promise um we got a puppy like two weeks ago oh yeah how's that going it's good it's hard hawker spaniel it's an english setter yeah i guessed yeah well close they're both bird dogs this one's a bird dog it's like a bird hunting dog but we're not big bird bird hunters or do you ever hunt like birds you ever hunt pheasant i don't kill animals i see i feel the same way and that's why i think maybe you might be my dad uh i i in fact it was

when we would go bird hunting that i realized i i don't want to do this yeah i would always they would say brandon bird and i would fake like my gun was oh no my gun was jammed yeah oh no i can't uh sorry i didn't see it and i would just come up with excuses as to not shoot them i hear you i hear you so i don't think we're going to train it to hunt birds but one thing it you know it's nippy a little bit likes to chew on your fingers playfully but then it goes too hard because his teeth are it doesn't know any better and they've told us that one way to help cure this behavior is as it's chewing on you or biting too hard you're supposed to scream like it hurts yeah like in a in a sound that's similar to the you know the way its brothers and sisters

would shriek when it was nipping at them because then it realizes oh that's the sound of pain and it stops are you doing it so you're shrieking well my wife's been doing it a lot which has been great for me because now our neighbors can't tell the difference between her real screams and her fake ones. I'm glad you brought a puppy up, because I was going to tweet this out and people would get mad at me. I want to buy my mom a puppy for Christmas, but I waited way too late. If anybody out there watching the act has access to Basset Hound puppies, get your boy up, because I need to buy my mom one. My Christmas shopping's done.

I haven't even started them. That was well played early. Yeah. Basset Hound puppies. Brazil just scored again. They score again. Neymar Jr. says, to no Brazil, baby!

Come on! I guess Zaha knows about soccer. Can I leave? I'm starving. We got to go. All right. I guess Zah knows about soccer. Can I leave? I'm starving. We got to go. All right. Why? It's time to go.

So hungry. I am too. You having fun here? I should go eat. I'm enjoying this. I thought I was submarining the whole thing. No, I enjoyed your snake talk. I thought I was torpedoing the whole episode.

Sometimes it's fun for me to- I got to go post about this on Reddit. I think it's funny, and you know what you you're doing it just doesn't bother me anymore i've done this i've started doing a new thing um it's i'm doing this new thing now where like occasionally i'll get really violent dms oh yeah they're funny yeah and and i got one that was just so filled with hate and and weird like anti-semitism i'm not jewish and all this and the guy had his the company that he worked for in his bio and uh so i messaged him back and i gave him a chance i was like hey you know i'm not really sure what got in what happened i get it people have bad days but

like come on man this is a little over the top don't you think and he doubled down was like fuck you blah blah blah all this shit and so i uh dm'd the instagram account of his company and i just wrote like hey do you know this employee like uh question mark question mark and then i uh i took a screenshot of that and then i sent it to him and i was like this is a pretty bad idea to post the name of your company in your bio he even had their instagram account so he's like proud of it he might be the owner of this small software company in new hampshire okay and um certainly people won't be able to find that. Yeah. And I took that picture, and then he just wrote back, LMAO, grow up. Wow.

Then he deleted all of his messages from our chat and then blocked me. Okay. But then he unblocked the number. And by the way, I unsent the DM that I had sent to his company because I'm not out here. No, you don't fucking. You should not have unsent that. I i'm with you there fuck that guy yeah i mean yes but i also don't want this guy to get fired i don't want people to more time i want the guy fired yes i don't want that guy to come find me oh well fuck him he can come find me hell yeah

brandon i don't like that ruin me dad let's fucking let's go get him um so yeah and then he and then i i uh that's sort of the end of that story i think but i i'm willing to i guess is it doxing it's not really doxing i have everything closed that's just being a tattletale what do you mean all my dms everything's closed I finally did it on Twitter. I love you. Nobody would send you anything. You can't get a hold of me. So don't tweet. Nope. People go through KB to get to me now, which is funny.

A little bit of just desserts because in real life, people go through me to get to KB. Y'all keep yakking. I got to go get a haircut. I played tennis with KB on the weekend. How was he? Am I allowed to talk about that or no? I don't know.

Okay. I won't talk about it. It's his thing. I don't know. I won't. I'll say I had a good time playing tennis with KB on the weekend. How was he? Am I allowed to talk about that or no? I don't know. Okay. I won't talk about it. It's his thing. I don't know. I won't. I'll say I had a good time playing tennis with KB on the weekend. I resolved my beef from Friday.

Oh, yeah. So let me tell you. Can I tell Francis about TJ's beef? I want to know what you'd do in this situation. Yeah. Okay. Or still idle happened. Yeah.

Oh, I heard about this. One of the contestants made a sketch and put your actual phone number in it? Yeah. As the thumbnail. It's a strange thing. So weird. Did he not like you, TJ?

So my role in Idol was not to talk to them other than giving them information on where they needed to be at what time. I wasn't judgmental or friendly to any of them. That was kind of the point. So I didn't even know that he had my number, if we're being honest. That was the weirdest part was I didn't have any sort of extended contact with any of them. Did you have it when you set up Yak Basketball or something? Probably. But I wasn't texting any of them on the sides at all.

And then he put my phone number in a video. It was like a very strange act of war. The video was taken down, but did they reach out? No. I reached out to their group page and said, take this down, no response. I reached out to them individually, and they responded immediately and just didn't put up any fight or anything.

They responded, though? Yep. I said, take this down. He said, done. Like, why? So weird, dude. It's a strange thing. It's a strange thing it's a strange no apology no sorry no here's why i did this just done weird i can't pretty funny i guess

understand that but i have this i do think that um i don't know i'm not far off from a point in my life where i will probably have to change phone numbers yeah mine leaked week two of working here i resonate i get like facetimes here and there randomly from i remember i got a facetime from one dude he was like yo what's up man i was like what's up he's like you don't remember me do you we met at the bar i was like what bar and then he just hung up yeah he was like all of his friends were in the background like giggling i get i get prank calls from old girls in high school that i sometimes used to hang out with that happened once. One of them did. I don't know. That's fucking weird. That's a wild bachelorette party. Gotten voicemails.

And think of it. If you were to change numbers and get a new number, you might be off a lot of those robocall lists. I don't think I have the ability to memorize a new number. I couldn't do it.

Dude, I lost my debit card like six months ago. I left it at a bar and I've just been using it. I lost my debit card like six months ago I left it at a bar and I've just been using it I've just never cancelled it I just use Apple Pay because I just don't want to get a new card number because I have to update everything that does suck

why don't you go to the bar because it's all the way in Brooklyn did you finally get a credit card no you still don't have a credit card? No. You still don't have a credit card? No. Warren Buffett's rolling over in his bed.

You go hang out with Sass anywhere? You go to 7-Eleven? He has to punch in his pin code to buy a pack of gum. Yeah. You need to start accumulating points, miles. I know, I know. I'm going to do it. I was supposed to do it when I was home for Thanksgiving, but then... I offered to do it for him, and he said, dad's gonna help me well he was giving me advice and i

was like i think i could just ask my parents probably and then you didn't do it i didn't do it i want to do this thing for you i love credit cards are you conning him to get like points are you no no i want him to know to realize at the end of a year of traveling to fucking 30 different cities, he's got a free flight to Hawaii. Yeah. Some crazy shit like that. I just started logging my work miles after Alaska, which is a doozy of a flight. I got to do that. If you call them sometimes, they'll back pay you.

Then you got to stick to one airline, right? I'm fine with that. That's the right way to go for status on airlines. Yes. Like back pay. Then you've got to stick to one airline, right? I'm fine with that. That's the right way to go for status on airlines. Yes. I just like doing the cheapest flight. That's fine. So you should get what's called like an all-around travel card.

Might I suggest the MX Platinum? Oh, hell yeah. That'll give you Centurion lounge access at all the airports that have it. Really? As well as Delta Sky Lounge. You get all the top lounges. There's a steep annual fee. I think it's gone up to about $650, if not $700 a year,

but you easily pay for yourself when you actually enroll in the benefits they have. I travel a decent amount. I may do that for you. $200 Uber credit. You ever been in the lounge? $160 Clear credit. Do you have Clear? I do.

Oh, Clear. They pay for your Clear. They pay for your Clear? They pay for your Clear. You get a $200 Uber credit. You get all kinds of shit. All right, I'll switch. Usually, if you spend $3,000 or $4,000 in the first few months,

you get 100,000 points, which is equivalent to $1,000. There you go. You've paid for it. Damn. Maybe I'll just buy all of my tickets for upcoming and spend all that money now. The only competitor even worth considering might be the Chase Sapphire Reserve card. Yeah, that's what I was also looking at.

They're neck and neck, but I think the Centurion card, the Platinum card from Amex actually gives you better lounge access. Since you spend a lot of time in airports, that's the route I would go.

I know, I need to get in on that lounge. Plus, it looks great when you're cutting up fat fishtails of Coke. Got that nice 80-ness. Yeah, it's good. Nick, have you ever been in the lounge? Once. It's good. Nick, have you ever

been in the lounge? Once. It's nice. Not bad. Went with Francis. Never been. Brought him in as one of my plus ones.

Got a Bloody Mary for free. Yeah. Holy shit. Are kids allowed in there? No, no, no, no, no. It's like a strip club. Yeah.

You could bring your kid in there. I feel like I'd be shunned though quietly. People would be like, oh, it's packed. It's good. It's a good place. I might do it. Good shunned, though, quietly. People would be like, oh, it's packed. It's good. It's a good place.

I might do it. And food, too. You want to go to the airport early. I get to the airport like six hours early anyway. You would really benefit. Oh, the USO used to be the best. Just help me out here. All right, I'll sort you guys.

I got to get rid of my old card. We should have a Francis wheel that every slice he just has to help us fix our lives a little. And credit cards, there's value to be had if you actually do your work. See, didn't Dave have like 40 million points? Still does. Craziest thing I've ever seen. Yeah, yeah. Craziest thing I've ever seen.

That lady was like, you could go on a trip. Dude, I did the math. You could pay for 43 Q Suite Qatar Airways flights. Blog. Round trip to Qatar for the World Cup. I think it was 43. It might have been like 30 or something. It was the entire content floor.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's hilarious. It's awesome. You could go on a trip. Yeah. Yeah, you could.

Buy a really, really sick watch. You could do anything with that. Many, many points. You could go anything with that. Many, many points. Go to the Delta Lounge, just ball out. Have you seen the watches on Canal Street now? I bought that same exact one you're wearing. They're automatic now. The fake automatics.

Is that right? Yeah. Wow. For $120. $120? Yeah. For a fake Rolex? Yep.

That seems expensive. It's an automatic, nice looking watch. And you and I just look like twins. Yeah. Yes. Yes. I was trying to think

of a way to throw up a brick joke in there. How funny would it be if I just started rocking a Rolex one? I'm too afraid. Yeah. You could rock a Rolex. You look like you'd throw a brick as like a racist. just started rocking a Rolex. I'm too afraid. You could rock a Rolex.

You'd look like you'd throw a brick as like a racist. Right. The coach of the Titans. High school team. Oh, man. Well, that about does it for me. Yeah, I'm pretty hungry. Starving.

All right. Thanks for having me. Thank you, Francis. Buy yourself a snake this Christmas. Buy yourself a snake this Christmas. Get her a snake this Christmas. Put a little bell on its head. All right. That's the Barstool Yak.

We'll be you next time. Happy birthday, Trevor Messachar. Messachar? Whatever. Happy birthday. Happy birthday, Trevor. Peace.