The Yak - Frank the Tank Should Be in the Louvre | The Yak 10-14-22

Episode Date: October 14, 2022

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Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. It's the Yak. It's the Yak. A scorigami Yak. Unforeseen, never-before-experienced cast of the Yak. It's just KB, KB. What the heck is good, guys? We got the old heads together. Yeah.

Wow. What does that mean? We're all relatively old compared to... You were including yourself. I thought you were kind of taking a shot. Nah, nah. The 30-plus crowd. Season boys.

Yesterday, they were going around the office asking, when I say LBJ, who do you think of? And everyone 30 and above, I was like, immediately, Lyndon B. Johnson and all the interns and stuff were like, LeBron James, LeBron James. I was like, oh, we are all... They went hard on it. They were asking what JFK you think of. They were giving all the acronyms out here. I don't know if that's an age thing, oh, we are all... They went hard on it. They were asking what JFK you think of.

They were giving all the acronyms out here. I don't know if that's an age thing, though, is it? LBJ that they also... LeBron's been around. But they were like, who's Lyndon B. Johnson? That's just stupidity, yeah. Yeah, those people don't read. Okay.

Yeah, that's damn embarrassing of them. Yeah. But it's not like you were alive during Lyndon Johnson's presidency. No. that's just something any that's what kids should know yeah or at least that they call him that it's like way easier to knit to know shouldn't even really know his middle name lyndon johnson's not that common but you think about this when you think about like u.s history textbooks from when we were young growing up right there is now another five chapters that have been written and think about like 9-11 is a gigantic chapter of ap us

history now and it wasn't really when we were kids totally because like we all knew even regular history i don't think it was in It wasn't in any of our books. No, exactly. Our books were all dated. We never updated our books throughout school. And our books ended before the Vietnam War began. We never even got to that point. Pretty much.

That's really old, Kate. Yeah. Some old ass. Our books ended in the Korean War. It was the last I knew we were involved in. Yeah. So I joined the military. I was like, what could go wrong?

We don't do much anymore. Trying to go to Asia. Yeah. It looks beautiful. It looks great. Vietnam does look beautiful. It does. I heard the military. I was like, what could go wrong? We don't do much anymore. Trying to go to Asia. Yeah. It looks beautiful. It looks great. Vietnam does look beautiful. It does. I heard it's underrated.

It's cheap as hell. Yeah. Good nightlife. Yeah, cool nightlife. More climate or it's like less one note than some other countries where you're just in a bungalow over the water the entire time. You ride around on a little scooter through Vietnam or some shit. Have you been to Vietnam?

I haven't. My sister went. Yeah? What'd she say? She went by herself. She said it was amazing. I think those rice fields are really incredible. The topographies.

I'd be chilling on that, I think. That'd be cool. No? You don't want to hit the rice fields? No, no. Why not? I don't know. It wouldn't do it for me.

Are they called patties? Yeah. Like an Irish person. Yeah. Like a wagon. Interesting. I wonder why. Probably in their language.

Yeah, I long to go to Vietnam, dude. I long to go to Asia in general, but I'm a little bit trepidatious of the flight. Oh. Do you not like long flights? What's to like? I don't know. Yeah, who's out here liking that yeah i don't know if there's anything to like i don't know there's something about going to the other side of the world where when you land you're like i can't believe how far away i am and it's very is there's an excitement parting yeah does it give you anxiety or deplaning um a little depends you know now i tend to just i don't really do it anymore but when i was younger

i flew to australia that was tough yeah a long ass flight yeah my Yeah. My wife got to Dubai when we were flying over to Ethiopia. We had to stop in Dubai, and she was like, or had almost like a panic attack being like, holy fuck, dude, I'm on the other side of the world. That shit is deep, dude. We got to go to Dubai. We got to get the fuck over there. We also have Tommy Walker coming in later on.

He is in office. This is not Tommy Walker day, but he is just going around. Are you? I'm shooting something with him, but we haven't yet. Okay. We're doing it after this. Yeah. We're not going to step on it.

You know what I'm trash at? There's a thing on TikTok. It's guess the nationality. It shows you a person. Yeah. And I'm just like, i'm missing by continents damn your facial recognition is bad as good as yeah no it's horrible and recognition your land recognition i got no i got some i'm trying to get better um well that's my pat i feel like i bring him up all the

time my boyfriend pat's bragged by me he looks like he could be if you didn't know him and you just looked at him i feel like he could be almost anything you didn't know him and you just looked at him, I feel like he could be almost anything. Like, almost any background. That's the thing with these. They're hard. I would like to see you guys try. Kind of looks like the sketch of a getaway guy that Witness barely saw. All right, this one is... African.

Somalia. This feels like we're going to get in trouble. No, no, no. Pause it. All right, that one's kind of easy. Thai? No. I would have said, like, Cambod trouble. No, no, no. Pause it. All right. That one's kind of easy. I? No. I would have said like Cambodian.

Oh, maybe. I think that's Philippines. It feels like Nepal. Oh, never mind. Yeah. Oh. Alabama? Dutch?

This could be Eastern European guy, though. I mean, the sunglasses, I feel like. Is that Brandon? I'm going to say like. Here comes Tommy Walker, everybody. All right, yeah, we can pause it. Tommy. Hey.

Tommy, what's good, brother? What game were you playing? Tommy, you were just wilding out in there, and now you're being so humble. Why are you so humble? Because I'm tired. Why are you tired? You had plenty of sleep last night. You were asleep when I got home from dinner.

What? He didn't sleep that much. He wasn't asleep. That's some news coming to you, brother. He was not sleeping. My aunt was at the house. Do you have an accent? How are you talking like that?

Yes, I have a Mississippi accent. Oh, that's British. That was high society. My aunt. My aunt. What's your aunt doing? She was sleeping in Emma's bed when I usually does. Nothing?

Nothing? Saying all your brother and sister's names that I've never said. That's all right, brother. All right. So your aunt was over, and that's why you couldn't sleep? No, because my brother usually sleeps in Emma's bed because it's the most comfortable bed in the house, but since she was sleeping in it, I slept in the bed that I slept in, and then...

Got it. It wasn't the normal night's sleep. That can throw you off your schedule a little bit. That can definitely. My cousin is on the global leaderboard. He's one of the best in the world at Roblox. Really? How good are you at Roblox?

You can talk. I don't know. You spend my money on Robloux every day of my life. No, he doesn't. He's spending his own money. Okay. Dad. Remember when you told that kid that you were Tommy Walker from Barstool?

What? Remember when you told that kid? You told that kid you were Tommy Walker from Barstool? No. On Roblox. I saw you do it. Oh, yeah. I consider you a co-worker

of mine. I consider you a Barstool co-worker. Do you feel like that, Tommy? Sometimes, yes. Totally. What game were you playing with Spider? He was playing with One Time Dawn. It takes two? Yeah.

It's a one-player game. Two-player. What? How does the game go? You literally can't progress unless there's two people. Okay, so you have to work together? Okay. Oh, sorry.

Is it a killing game? No. Who was better at it, Donnie or Spider? Donnie. How many times did Spider die? Like 150. Yeah, dude, Spider was terrible. He didn't even get to use the weapons.

We're in there and watching. I know, dude. I'm just prompting it for the audience. These are leading questions to get the audience cooking on you. You know this. You're a showbiz veteran. You're going to be doing a show with Francis later today. Yeah.

How do you feel about that? Have you ever met Francis? Do you like him so far? Yeah. Yeah. And no, I've never met him in person. There he is. We met on FaceTime the other night for the first time.

That was kind of fun. You guys should arm wrestle or something. Sure. Okay, nice. All right, do you want to go back and play video games? Yep. All right, go ahead. Tommy, that was good stuff, brother. I appreciate you. All right, do you want to go back and play video games? Yep. All right, go ahead. Tommy, that was good stuff, brother.

I appreciate you. I'm a nerd boy. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Come here, come here, come here. Have you all seen the mullet? I love it. It's crazy. Good mullet.

Mullet goes absolutely down. Oh, yeah. Yeah, all right. It looks so good. Great flow. Bye, humble Tommy. See you, bud. Good spin out of the room.

Was that you chose that hair for him or he chose it? Oh, he chose it. I told him, you know, he needs to keep it high and tight. He needs to keep it high and tight. But when he gets to be around 12, he can do whatever he wants to. And he said, I want a mullet. And he's doing it. He's the same age as Daniel Monte.

Well, no. But the people assumed they were the same age as Daniel Monte. Well, no. But the people assumed they were the same age. People believed that. That is crazy. He's a very small 12-year-old, though. Really? Yeah, he's a really small 12-year-old.

I'm a 6-year-old, and they wear the same size shoes. Interesting. He has good bursts, though. Oh, he has good bursts. Yeah, he has good lateral movement as well. Quick twitch. Yeah, quick twitch. He really is. Loose.

Yeah. He does well. Phenomenal vocabulary. He does concepts and vocabulary very well. Oh, that's what he excels in? Yeah. What are concepts? Well, I say concepts because when he was like one or two or three,

he would be able to put together sentences that usually babies can't put together. And he would comprehend stuff that was way beyond his years for his whole life. What do you attribute that to? Me and my sperm. They're supposed to be saying words by the time they're one? Tommy was talking at eight months old, and that sounds crazy, but he was. Yeah. Dang, that boy is verbal as heck.

Oh, Tommy. My baby wasn't talking until he was like three, but this one, yeah. Tommy's out here doxing. Hell yeah. Tommy doxed two of them, so I only got one left. Only got one left. I was date night. We had a good dinner dinner a really good dinner went to scarpetta oh nice where'd you get the carpaccio i don't know i got uh i got a short

rib appetizer and then a short rib uh and then a short rib pasta and then for the you went double short rib the entree i had uh had short rib. What do you think of that? No, you didn't. I had the veal. Wow. I went all beef. Halfway through the meal, I was realizing I really needed to throw a fish in there or something. But I had all beef.

Maybe a carrot side or something. Side of carrots. I'm good with that. No? I'm good with that, brother. You don't feel like the need to have some kind of vegetable or vitamin-based thing to just cut through whatever's happening to your gut? Because you look like a guy that gets the meat sweats. I know, but look, when I go to meals, I like to eat really rich, decadent food.

You balance things? Well, I almost feel like I need to throw my stomach a bone. That's kind of what it is. I don't know. I think it's almost like going to a nice meal. A big-time meal like that, for me, is almost like the Super Bowl. You've got to leave it all on the field. You've got to give it everything you've got.

You can't have a Super Bowl every week. There's no room for carrots in a meal at a nice restaurant. That is true. Carrots can sit out forever. What about a side of broccolini? Oh, no. Fuck them for even having it on the menu, to be honest. It's just a side.

But how about, I like a side that's plated with my entree. I don't want to have a whole tub of broccolini. I don't want to have a tub of asparagus. Do you want your meat plated on top of your side, or do you want it to the side? I just want it to be a creative enough side that it's going to—it was built to be with whatever my meat or entree is. It is, in fact, a side, right? Yeah. It should be beside your main dish. Yeah, and I think that it should complement it.

Your own doesn't need a separate plate. I don't want a whole— Yeah, it looks—it's intimidating, kind of. And I also think that the asparagus isn't designed to go with the steak or to whatever it is, or the pork chop or whatever. It's supposed to go with anything, and I want something a little bit more tailored to my main dish. What's tailored most to steak? I feel like mushrooms are tailored very well to steak. Yeah, they are.

Mashed potatoes. Mashed potatoes. Any potato. Any potato. I love a good potato. A little collard spinach or cream spinach is a nice side. I don't mind that. You have an interesting palate.

I'm just saying I can't. It's like the homework portion of the meal for me. Do you go? Do you want homework on a Saturday night? I don't want it. I just abide. I know that I'm supposed to have. Vegetables have been contained in me.

You're the type to go out on a Saturday night and crave diligent study sessions. I know that I'm supposed to have vegetables have been contained in me. I feel like you're the type to go out on a Saturday night and crave diligent study sessions. Yes, but Brandon, I wouldn't go to a steakhouse and only order the healthiest thing. I would have the fucking tomahawk and a side of gratin potatoes. So really you're just ordering the healthiest ordering the healthiest thing The spinach or the broccoli It's guilt management To help you It's a guilt management thing

Dude Francis gets in and we all start saying shit like a swage We all throw it around You're welcome Sorry about that I've been doing it too dude You play to your surroundings I've been throwing it around will dude. I didn't know how hard it was. You play to your surroundings. I've been throwing it around willy-nilly, dude, all fucking one time. But Roan

low-key, high-key has the best vocabulary better than me, certainly. Far and away the best vocabulary. That's true. I don't know if that's true, but I did have concepts early on. I put together concepts early on. Is that a thing that we're going to make fun of that? I'm not making fun of it. Whenever I would take Tommy to the doctor,

they would say, he really gets things that he shouldn't be getting yet. He does. He definitely understands. He's wise beyond his years. They give me the checklist each time I go, like, is he doing these like 15 different things yet? And some of the things he's not doing yet,

but I always cheat because I don't want them to think we're losers. Really? I'm always like, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's stacking stuff. Absolutely. And in my head, I'm like, oh, no. You need to eliminate parent questionnaire entirely. losers. Really? I'm always like, yeah, yeah, yeah, he's stacking stuff, absolutely. And in my head, I'm like, oh no. You need to eliminate

a parent questionnaire entirely. Yeah. Why? You gotta cheat. Because it's the parent answering. Right, right? The parent could do that. I'm sure she doesn't.

It's like diagnoses based parent report. And so parents- They'll go both ways. It wants their kid to have something, so- There's like some-

Oh, they'll leave it, they'll make it seem like they're dumber than they really are. It's like somewhere they're just, than they really are. Somewhere they just woe is me. Want to get a check? Munchausen.

What is it called? Munchausen. People crave that. That was humble of you to act like you didn't know what Munchausen was. I just know it from an M lyric.

I didn't know how to say it. Yeah, he did say it. That's the only way I know it. I was taught to be sick when I wasn't. I don't know what it is. Munchausen?

Parents acting like their kids are sick when they're not. That I don't know what it is Munchausen parents acting like their kids are sick wait that's that's a phenomenon they'll actually go to the lengths there's this famous documentary what was her name like Trixie or something like that there's this famous documentary this woman this is an example like it happens all the time this woman was physically making her daughter ill like giving like putting cleaning solutions that are not like actually making her daughter ill, like giving, like putting cleaning solutions that are not like actually making her ill. But then she started convincing actual doctors that things were so wrong with their daughter, with her daughter. They would actually perform unneeded surgeries on her, like actual doctors, because she had been sick for so long and blah, blah, blah, that they started believing her.

And so then they would get trips to Disneyland. They got got a free house they got free make-a-wish they got she started being able to live off of make a make a living off of making her daughter sick and so then and she made her be in a wheelchair at all times yeah the wheelchair that was yeah that was insane she would say like oh that's so fucked up in this actual case she ends up finally getting like a secret internet account at night befriending this crazy guy and then they end up killing the mom once she was like the girl the girl was like 27 the girl was like 27 she looked like she had a happy ending and she would be in a wheelchair and so then yeah it ended up killing she's in prison but she's getting out like they're giving they gave her like a way reduced sentence because they're like her mom fucked her up so bad it's like kind of no

wonder she killed her no time but the documentary is insane i forget what it's called but it's like a i highly recommend watching it's like super crazy but people like do that all the time like not all the time it's not like it's a phenomenon it occurs to much smaller extents yeah because you get attention on facebook you get like you get attention when your kid is sick and some people probably get a bag you probably can just be like let's put put up a GoFundMe. GoFundMe. Put up another GoFundMe. A bag for them to throw up in.

Yeah. But you have to force it, though. You need to jam your finger down the throat. Yeah. Teach them how to throw up early. Yeah, it's crazy. That is nuts, dude. It's twisted.

I don't like that. There's got to be some kind of benefit to do it as a parent, though. It's got to be, you know. There has to be some reason to consider it, Brandon. You get a ton. I mean, I use him for likes. I use him for likes all the time. It's an easy, easy way to go viral, guys. Well worth having.

I came in late, and I understand that. Why does she have your cast? Oh, we're going to auction it off on Whatnot later on. Oh, on Whatnot. Honestly, I think that we should auction that off. We should auction Tommy off. I mean. How much could we get for him?

To do what? His popular guy. The right circles? Oh, whatever. Yeah. Talking one of those big red circles that you see on the wrong map? I'm just saying.

You could get a lot. Taken? Taken stuff? If we could get $1,500, I'd consider it. Weren't you part of an auction for the Barstool breakfast dinner? I don't remember that. Yeah, where those guys came into the office.

I might have missed that. All in the family history of auctions. It must have been right after. Actually, it's possible I was there for it, but that they didn't include me in it. There was a charity auction where we auctioned off a bunch of experiences in the office. Why wouldn't they include you? You were there. Because Large and Willie decided that they were really better

friends than I was with them, which was frankly totally fine with me. I played it up for fun, but they used to drink and eat meats at 7 in the morning. And I couldn't do that.

That was called Gentleman's Friday. Yeah. Gentleman's Friday was a hell of a thing, and then one of them wound up with gout, and the other one wound up on a weight loss journey. Just stuffing themselves with meat. You would come in at 10 o'clock on a Friday, and there would just be interns eating meats and cheeses.

Yeah, we would get a part of that. Lars used to get this wine guy from this store in New York, this really nice wine store, and he would bring in 12 bottles of red wine, you know, multiple hundred dollar bottles, and we would just drink it all.

It's from 7 in the morning. That shit is not even fun to me drinking that early in the day. It wasn't like a first Friday event all. It's from 7 in the morning. Yeah. That shit is not even fun to me, drinking that early in the day. It wasn't like a first Friday event either. It was every Friday, if I remember correctly. It was every Friday, and then there were special occasion ones that got even more souped up. We had a Christmas show that went four hours. We were smoking weed in there. That's reprehensible. It was smoking weed in there. That's reprehensible.

It was all... Well, the guy who won the auction to go out to dinner with Willie and Large ended up... He could not keep up with them. He had, like, alcohol poisoning. He ended up, I think, throwing up, getting way too drunk on the dinner.

Those are houses. They're, like, houses who train for it. Yeah. Those guys can put it away. I used to go out to nightclubs with Willie. That was fun. Yeah, he's a nightclub guy. I used to go out to nightclubs with Willie. That was fun. Yeah, he's a nightclub guy. He could, let me tell you something.

That guy, we would get, you know, he'd do some bottle minimum thing, which, by the way, he would always just pay for, which was awesome. And he'd get a bottle of whiskey, and he would just drink it like, you know, five or six gulps from the bottle. And he'd be fine.

Damn. That's so sweet. Just being in a house like that and just loving the club life. Yeah, he loves the club life. He's a great dude. You can't launch yourself into loving the club life if it doesn't come to you naturally. How could you love the club life and then host a breakfast show at 7 a.m.? Just having to leave his house at 5 a.m. to get here.

Those guys are wraparound guys, though. They'll stay up all night. Reach around, guys. Just reach around until the morning time. But back to the auction real quick. I think that we should auction off the cast at 1.30, but we should also auction off you didn't you you wanted to say something you wanted to talk about chilling

with chels oh yeah so i did so chilling with chels frank the tank that photo he posted of himself that selfie it went viral there's like tens of thousands of likes on that photo of himself being like i'm sad and the mets lost i don't feel good so uh chilling with chels painted it and she did a beautiful job and she messaged me and she was like kate not sure where the yak slush fund stands but i she wanted to donate it to us so that we could auction it and rebuild the slush fund out of her own good heart that's yeah so i was like that was super nice we would pay you for it i would gladly like consider that a commission pay you for it and then we either auction it off

or I would like to see the Barstool store make prints of that painting. It is so stunning. Imagine that in a nice frame in your house or something like that. But I just wanted to give a shout out to- Yeah, tell her we will auction the original piece off and give her like 10%.

Yeah, I feel like some sort of deal to me because that was so nice of her to- Probably more than 10%. She just wanted to send it for free. 10% is so dickheaded. I know. Even if it's her own painting. We'll toss her a nickel for it.

Because even if it goes for $1,500, giving her like $130 for that is so mean. That painting. I think galleries split the fee 50-50. And I think that's what we should at least, yeah, we should do 50-50. 50-50. 50 I think that's what we should at least do. We should do 50-50. 50-50 is the fairest way to do it. She wanted to send it for free.

She could make a lot of money off of that. She has no affiliation with us. I think that we should also come up with another idea to commission for her to do, and we could throw a 50-50 on it or something like that. Or we could throw a 50 50 on it or something like that or we could even auction off someone can uh like have a portrait from her and we do a 50 50 on it or something like that there's multiple 50 50s that we could do with chilling with chels i think so i just think she's a good person and i thought it was really nice that she did that so shout out we

have her paint though if we had if we could pick something like think we should pose in like those old war photos of generals and stuff. We should pose as war generals getting ready. The Yak as civil war generals? Yeah, can we get horses? Or like when they're all standing around at a camp? Yeah. You do hate horses, though. I hate horses.

I'm scared of horses, yeah, but not a big deal. So crazy. They're like so gentle. And all the Yankees are up to nothing already. Best and the brightest in the office in there. Heads up, gang. Why is – oh, I thought Hubs was watching blindfolded, but he's just looking down with his hat turned backwards.

Philly's game today? At least that's a game people actually care about. Is that video on the train platform in Philly? Did you see that? That was from three years ago after a Robin concert. I did think it was very early for that video to Robin? Because it was dancing on my own. Yeah. Alright. I'm pretty

sure it was, yeah, it was a Robin concert. Well, I saw it this morning. You saw it go up this morning? I was retweeting it because I knew it was a joke, but people were like, I thought that it was actually, but first off, everybody knows the words. They're singing in perfect pitch. The men on the other platform are clearly gay, and then nobody's wearing Phillies gear.

Nobody's wearing any type of Phillies gear. It also seemed like it was at night. It didn't seem like it was 12 o'clock or 10 o'clock in the morning. Yeah, that's probably like 34th Street or some shit like that. There's like clearly mustachioed gay men bopping around out there. Not that Phillies fans aren't gay, but when they go to the games, they mask a little bit and

present straight head. Can we throw that video up there? Are the Phillies the gayest team in baseball? No. Are you talking about the roster of each team? Or just the history? General vibe. Sounds like General vibe.

Sounds like general vibe. I'm trying to think. The Padres is kind of like calling someone daddy. Yeah, I guess so. Padre. That's a big – you're going to make a lot of money doing that. Yeah, that's a little bit, but I'm trying to – maybe the Phillies are up there. I retweeted it genuinely thinking that's what it was.

Really? As I heard you saying it, I was like, be cool, be cool. I totally, I was like, look at everybody ready to go today. All right. That's hilarious. Now I know.

It does make me want to learn the words. Kids are, this might not be true, kids are looting wawas on a daily basis and getting away with it. They're just,

nothing the staff can do. Yeah, there's nothing, what are they going to do? They're going to like, get in formation and like link arms and stop them from stealing some hers chips? No one cares that much.

I think that would be fun as a schoolboy. Yeah, it'd probably be awesome. I'd like to stop it. Would you participate if you were a 7th grader? No, no, I don't think I would. Slide tackling kids or what? Well, no, I'm saying as an adult, if I saw a bunch of seventh graders robbing the convenience store that I was in, I would hurt them. Just start windmilling your arms?

I'd start hurting them. I think it'd be fun. I think it'd be fun and there'd be enough people that would support me. If they're not getting in trouble for looting, you shouldn't get in trouble for hurting them. Right. It should be a no-trouble environment. There's just not that many occasions in life where it's acceptable to hurt a seventh grader that you don't know. You know what another one is?

When people rush a field, there's always a security guard that's hip-checking people. Intentionally tripping a kid or some shit like that. Just bodying them. But yeah, you should be able to you know exact a little bit of citizens justice but uh there was the the wawa i don't know if it's the president of wawa he was like there was a headline obviously i didn't read the story but he was like we're considering not expanding wawas because so many of them are getting looted he just shut down the two main ones in Center City just yesterday, they just shut them down.

Really? It was on hold for now. They're like, we're not, whatever. You're watching a good thing. Someone got pepper sprayed in one yesterday, and they were like, all right, time out. They're halting it up. What are the looters?

During gobbler season, no less, the gobbler hoagie. You've got to make it safe for the looters. It's a little more gobbler hoagie than turkey. This is how I get it. I get it toasted, extra mayonnaise as the first base layer and then they put cranberry jelly uh stuffing gravy sauce turkey gravy sauce that's not gravy i get white american cheese on mine uh that's how i get it but it's so good oh You want to take this one? No, I think it's an incredible sandwich. No extra mayo.

It's literally like putting slap in a pig trough and eating it. I would like you to explain the difference in gravy and gravy sauce. It's a little looser. It's a little wetter. So wet. Gravy flavored liquids. All right. Even as liquids go, it's wet for a liquid.

A little looser, a little wetter. It is. It's so description? Even as liquids go, it's wet for a liquid. A little looser, a little wetter. It's pretty wet. It is, dude. It's so wet, and it soaks the whole sandwich. It finds a way to creep all the way around.

It's like slime. It's like Ghostbusters ooze. My wife, when I get home from a long trip. I genuinely believe that was a few hours. Also, they're all in overcoats.

Right. Did you think this was Philly's fans? Yes, I did. Not one jersey. Okay. I retweeted that with zero. I was like, it reminded me of the game today.

I was like, oh, yeah, the game's today. It's 65 degrees and sunny outside right now. They're, like, perfectly on pitch and know every word. I don't know. I didn't watch the video. I just thought. This is fucking South Philly I'm in the corner

watching you kiss her I don't do a lot of like super girly stuff but at the end of you know Bridget my friend Bridget the end of her bachelorette party

we wound up back at the house playing that song on repeat having like a pillow fight in her pajamas like this is like five years ago. Keep going. Tonically.

Bring up that sandwich again. Add that in there. Were you both eating it? It was a little wet and a little loose. A little clump in it. Oh, all of a sudden we met in the middle. Where were you guys? Down the shore?

Dewey Beach, Florida? Elkton, Maryland. Wow. We were at the Chesapeake Bay. Wow. Went to Secrets that night? Just that song. Every time I hear it now, I think of that bachelorette party.

It is a great song. It does get people going. The Chesapeake Bay is probably the gayest body of the world in America. Trying to think of one that would top it. Is that where Rehoboth is on? I don't know. No, Rehoboth is on the Atlantic. What's in the Chesapeake?

There's some gay shit going on. What about Salt Lake? I think Lake Pontchartrain is pretty gay, too. Down in New Orleans? Yeah, but it's on the north. That's a big fucking bridge. It is a big bridge. That's like the straightest thing ever.

Yeah. Oh, that's true. Oh, it's true. It is very straight. Mm-hmm. They go deep into Pontchartrain culture down there. Was that a dude? I don't know.

Like, is there a Pontchartrain guy? I think he was possibly a, yeah. General or some shit? General in some sort of war. Yeah, dude. Maybe. Chilling with Chellis could paint us like General Pontchartrain. Our faces on General Pontchartrain.

She's in the chat right now. We need to be conquering something. If we were in the boat crossing the Delaware, the Yak guys. She's here in the chat. Hello. Hello. Hey, Chellis. How are you?

Thank you for your great paintings. The painting was incredible. We also have another painter that reached out about wanting to sell something. It's not Armless Alejandro. No, I think it's the guy who painted Owen, correct? Correct. Yeah, him. This is very good.

He wants to send it. He wants to do more. This guy paints stuff for Stern, I think. Yeah, we talked. He has. It's incredible. His name is... So good.

Except for he made him a little bit more wonky-eyed than he actually is. I like that. That's a sign of a good artist. Yeah. Gives perspective. Out of this touch.

His name is NerdyGalo. Nerdy G-A-L-O on Instagram. I just super glued myself to that painting. What about Tasteful Nudes and they get to decide what our genitals look like? And that's how we know what people think of us. Oh, so it's just up to Chell's interpretation?

Up to Chell's what our genitals and our breasts look like. Are genitals not breasts? I don't know. I guess they're not, are they? Are they genitals? I don't think so. By zero means. They're private parts.

I have to point out that Kate wasn't on camera when she pointed at me when she said breasts. She's a bitch. What do you guys think, Brandon and Kate? Are your breasts genitals? No, I don't feel so. I feel like my genitals are genitals. Are your dick and balls your genitals

or just your balls? No, it's just your dick. It's the whole thing. I think it has to have a hole in it. It's definitely. No, I think it has to have a hole in it. It's plural. It's definitely the balls. I think it has to have a hole in it. It's who?

What do you feel like? That's true of donuts. I feel like I'd be more scandalized as a penis than balls. Well, now, are balls external? They're internal, though. Yes, no, they're external. What? Can you see them, Brandon?

They hang externally, but the dick is all external. The balls are at least in a pouch. No, they're external. No, they're external. They're internally in an external pouch. No, no, if they were internal, they'd be ovaries. Your lungs are internal. I understand that.

Because you can't see them. I don't think y'all get the concept that I'm saying. No, you're trying to die on the wrong hill. I should go tell Tommy. Your balls are out. Your balls are external. I think your genitals are your whole kibbles and bits Okay, so all three make up your genital region

Think of like a Ken doll I had it before this Anything that we have that a Ken doll doesn't, that's genitals I've had a couple nip slips now on my socials And at this point, I just do not care But if my asshole or my pussy were out there on my socials and like at this point I just do not care but if if my asshole or my

pussy were out there I would want to die I think would you be eating that sandwich yes absolutely

that would be the only thing that would make it okay she keeps bringing up her her nakedness and I just keep

thinking of that sandwich that damn sandwich you know how the meat really hangs out on the sides of that sandwich. That damn sandwich. You know how the meat really hangs out on the sides of that. Is there gravy sauce everywhere? And I like to normalize not every sandwich

has even meat, you know, sometimes. Yeah. It's just the way it is. I'll add that extra mayo. No, I won't. I'm not doing that.

I haven't worked here long enough. But you, you know, eventually. Yeah. Once you've put in enough time.

Anyway. We need to figure out what we're going to have painted. Whether it's our genitals or generals or whatever the fuck it's going to be. What if Chels paints what she thinks our genitals look like and then the viewers get to guess who they think's genitals

she thinks our genitals are. You know what I'm saying? A genital wheel. Sorry, I'll stop now. You all right? No, I'm not. That was on our Instagram, wasn't it? Was that on an Instagram post of ours?

Yeah, where did that? I missed that episode. That's him. Sass is one of his favorite memes. Okay. He says it's the only one he has on his phone at all times Sass It is good

Sass said that Maybe not that exact thing I think that Tommy's older than Sass In my head In my like maturity level on both of them I have more adult conversations with Tommy than I do with Sass Tommy and Sass are closer in age than I'm in age to anybody on the show, right? Tommy is not older than Sass?

No, no. I think they're the same. Slightly younger. Oh. But it's the same head. You're talking about Tommy. Tommy Walker, right? Walker.

Yeah. Sass is older than him? Sass is 13. Okay. Yes. Huh. So he's just a little, he's just a touch older than him. Tommy's 12.

Okay. Yes. So he's just a touch older than that. Tommy's 12. Okay. But in my head, Tommy has a matured yapper hand that Sass does not. I'm having problems right now, and I want y'all to walk me through it. All right, let's get in. It's time to buy Tommy a phone, but I don't know if Tommy can handle a phone. His 10-year-old brother is remarkably more advanced as far as responsibility goes than Tommy. The 10-year-old wakes up at 6.30 6 30 every day makes his own breakfast cooks his own eggs uh does everything makes his own bed it's on he's not mine uh but he he does all that he does all those things at 10 years old okay

and tommy doesn't do anything but i told him i get a phone at 12 so it's time for me to buy tommy a phone but the youngest the 10 year old said dad if you're gonna buy him a phone at 12, so it's time for me to buy Tommy a phone. But the 10-year-old said, Dad, if you're going to buy him a phone, you need to buy me one too because I'm more responsible than he is. What do I do? He's right. He's right. What are you worried about him getting a phone? What was the worst that could happen?

Well, I have had a 12-year-old rule for the phone, so it subverts all the rules. If Tommy had a phone, what's the worst that could happen? I'm going to buy Tommy a phone. The crux here is do I have to buy both of them a phone? Why don't you just set the law as 12 years old as when kids in our family get phones? It is set. And I would also say, why don't you get Tommy a crappy Nokia brick?

Tommy's smarter than that, man. He's going to demand an iPhone? Tommy's smarter than that. The purpose is's going to demand an iPhone? Tommy's smarter than that. The purpose is to communicate with him, right? Yeah. Can you even buy a crappy Nokia brick anymore? Yeah, you can get some that doesn't have access to... You can't just be...

To a 12-year-old, that's not even a phone. Yeah, for phone calls? Yeah, they don't even know what that is. Yeah, but he'll graduate to a camera phone and then a smartphone. Y'all are solving the problem. It doesn't exist. What do I do with the 10-year-old? I think you say the rule is set, but you and me will go have a special day somewhere

because I appreciate that you've been making your own eggs. He won't want that. Okay. I don't want a day with Dad. He's becoming autonomous to get away from you. Correct, yes. He's advancing autonomous to get away from you. He's advancing past me already. You can't cook your own eggs.

Running for Congress. My wife and I could leave tomorrow. That kid would be fine. You should try it. Tommy would be dead in three hours. No, he wouldn't. He'd be fending for himself in the wilderness. He'd be out of the house,

but he'd have the blood of a boar dripping from his mouth within three hours. We'll lord of the flies. The boy is savage. What about you three hours. Well, Lord of the Flies. Boy is savage. What about you are like, here, I'll give you the phone, but just never let your brother see it. You're really good at this stuff.

That would work. I feel like that's what I would do. That would definitely work. They don't see things the other one does in the house that we share. Right. You're such a dumb bitch. Yeah, I'm a stupid bitch. You should get him a job. The responsible one? Yeah. Put him to work? Put him to work at a dumb bitch. Yeah, I'm a stupid bitch. You should get him a job.

The responsible one? Yeah. Put him to work? Put him to work at a cashier. Make him make Nikes? No, I think throw him at a farmer's market and have him work with the Amish people and fucking work the cash register or some shit like that. He could be a hell of an Amish.

Oh, man. He shows Amish tendencies. Yeah, he does? What kind of ones? Turning butter? He can braid a hole. Waking up every day, making eggs. Kyle, I woke up yesterday at 6.30 to pee, to go back to bed for two hours.

I woke up yesterday at 6.30, and he was sitting in the kitchen and said, hey, Dad, and he had a plate of scrambled eggs in front of him. I don't make scrambled eggs. You should foster that and get, like, you should let him, like, loose in the kitchen. Okay, so I should foster him out to another family. Yeah, it sounds like he's more mom-ish than Amish. That boy's cooking. Fair enough.

Loose in the kitchen. Yeah. Yeah. No, I think you've got to wait on him getting a phone and just let him cook. All right. All right. I don't fucking know, though. You're the one with kids.

Yeah. Are you asking us dumbasses? He has a tablet, like an iPad, right? They all have tablets. Uh-huh. It's the same as a phone. Yeah. His is the only one that isn't broken in many pieces.

What do they do on the devices? They play Roblox. My son's a year and a half, and he uses a tablet. He watches a lot of YouTube. He knows how to scroll. It's the only way when we fly. Yeah. It's the only thing that saves us.

It's only watch YouTube these days. I don't watch anything but YouTube. Is Roblox like mine? It's kind of like it's a world-building thing. What's the one? Minecraft. Minecraft is completely world-building and all that. It doesn't have the social aspect really of Roblox.

Roblox is Minecraft with social aspect? Something like that. Really, I just want to start telling you wrong because tj is a gaming nerd and i want to i want to get him pissed off okay my dad uh my dad had a software company and has gotten into like uh kind of helping the state of maine build out engineering programs at schools so like robotics clubs and and starting kids in coding classes earlier my My dad's dead. I don't really know how that became a competition.

But he won, but Brandon beat your ass. He said that the kids that play Minecraft develop an aptitude for coding and computer language. I've considered enrolling Tommy in all those or whatever you can do at 12 or 13 in coding. It is. I've considered going ahead and enrolling Tommy in all those or whatever you can do at 12 or 13 in coding. It is, I'm telling you. Oh, man. But they're all going to be entering the field at the same time. When they get to 18, there's going to be just 15 million new people that know how to code.

So you don't want to give them a good start? Then I'll have to go backwards and make him like a Smith, like a blacksmith or something, because we won't have any anymore, a locksmith. I don't think that he gets to that big pool and then all of a sudden is lost. I think he's got a head start. So no Smith? I don't think he needs to. Our next kid's going to be a Smith.

Is that an announcement? Oh, no, never mind. Oh, heard it here first. It sounds like a brand new announcement from our boy Brent. We got to bring Tommy back in and tell him the news. He's going to be shaking to his core. Anything else? No, nothing else.

Oh, we got to do the auction, right? Oh, I thought we were doing that at 1.30. Oh, 1.30? 30. What time is it? 1.43. Okay. Wait, so what's the- Aria's been waiting this whole time back there? I don't know. Damn, Aria, just walk in. Oh, 1.30? 30. What time is it? 1.43. Okay. Wait, so what's the-

Aria's been waiting this whole time back there? I don't know. Damn, Aria, just walk in. Yeah, come in, Aria. Damn, I was about to say something fucking juicy, but this is the- Shit was going to be good. Oh, wait, what? Shit flies around, dude.

I fucking lost it. Shit was going to be so good. I lost it because I'm having so much fun. I'm just getting lost in conversation after conversation. No one's there to save you. I invited Ron to come hang out with me tomorrow. What are you guys doing? He just wanted everyone else to know that they weren't invited.

Yeah, that kind of sucks. Well, I said... Chin. I'm taking this one on the chin. Yeah. Let KB come, dude. Of course. Anyone is welcome.

I wouldn't just say this to you guys. It sounds like you're just saying. No, I had a funny thing about when I invited you and your lovely wife to come hang out tomorrow. Yes, yes. You're like, oh, maybe, but we're going to be hanging out with two other people, so I'm not sure if it's going to work. One's a fireman. Yeah, a firefighter. And I'm like, dude, imagine if I'd been like, wait, you're hanging out's a fireman yeah a firefighter i'm like dude imagine if i'd been like wait

you're hanging out with a fireman yeah i guess we'll have to find another time whoa that's a deal breaker what are you talking about that was my that was my way of guaranteeing that it was cool that those other people were invited yeah yeah they definitely are you know you wouldn't say anything but you would think well he has a college degree he went to college i love fireman i would look at your wife and be like fireman yeah now we can not worry so much about the bonfire we're having yeah he's good at fire safety but he also um he is he is college educated and he went to the same, or he went to Penn State. He went to Penn State with me.

But for what it's worth, I don't put fireman in some lower category of thought or education. I fucking admire the hell out of firemen. What about volunteer firemen? That's a different ballgame. That's a whole different. Have your cake and eat it too, people. Yeah, that's a very out of New York style thing.

Volunteer. Yeah. Not in New York. These are hardworking nine-to-fivers or whatever their shift is. Just doing a community service. They're good people. Busting their ass. But out of, yeah, those other ones.

Francis would never hang out with them, but they're good people. I sure would. Have you ever hung out with a firefighter? Yes. They're potty-mouthed. They're men. They're real men. men yeah they really are men sleeping in bunk beds is that a man son of a man oh the fact that they sleep at the firehouse

yeah in rows dude yeah it's rows we went to the uh their firehouse to check it out and it it's it looks like an infirmary from world war one it's amazing it's like single beds that are like have like frames. It's crazy. Imagine if you slept at your job if you just worked a normal job.

Like if you worked as a clerk at Target but then you had to go to sleep there. Or if we had like 16 hour shifts at Barstool. And we just went to bed. Yeah.

We just got to be on the Our beds would be fucking filthy. I know that. Oh my god. This office is gross. I love You can make good

casseroles too. Firefighters and wherever you're in a new neighborhood, if you see the fire truck parked there and they're getting lunch, you know that's a good sandwich. Yes. I feel like firefighters know

where all the best food is in the neighborhood. What is with you and the... Every time, I'm getting all bowed up over here. Fireman eating a gobbler. It's like you're just... At this point, you're asking for it. Am I supposed to be going yet? I'm going to put my dick in that sandwich.

I got behind a fire truck that was going to an elementary school yesterday and as it pulled off the kids were waiting for it and cheering as it arrived i thought i had anything to be those kids or those firemen right now what a day that is oh yeah you envy the kids cheering yeah i did i thought it was awesome i mean you know when the fire truck comes in you're not in class you're just out in the sun and you're crawling all over a truck. Oh, every few months my son's preschool shuts down the parking lot and the firefighters just park their trucks and they just let the kids go around. Just go anywhere.

Best thing ever. My third birthday, my dad worked with a guy who was a volunteer fireman and he got the whole department to bring up a massive hook and ladder, sirens blaring, all the kids got to ride around on the block on it. It was best fireman-themed birthday. It's awesome. My third. No, no, no.

I was just going to build on that. Go ahead. No, it's okay. I don't know if I'm supposed to be auctioning this yet. Sorry. I have no idea, but it's a hot ticket item when I do. Firemen can be absolute scumbags, too. Oh.

You can't call them bad people. It's like hot ticket item when I do. Ironman can be absolute scumbags, too. Oh. You can't call them bad people. It's like the military. You're not supposed to say it, but there's a lot of pieces of shit in the military. Right, exactly. And they have the wiggle room where they can just be absolute assholes, and no one can ever call them on their shit. It's fucking- Whatnot's going to love this.

People in the military and firefighters can be awful people. All right. Just kidding. Just kidding. We're about to go live right now. awful people. All right. Just kidding. Just kidding. We're about to go live right now. We're about to go live right now. So people can have this cast. I don't know.

Look at this thing. Look at this beautiful. Yeah, you can fill that thing with turkey and gravy. You can put a lot of gobbler in this thing. Stick your dick in there. A little cornucopia. Nice little wah-wah flashlight. Yeah, if you want to know what Roan smell. Nice little wah-wah fleshlight.

Yeah, if you want to know what Roan's old skin smells like, and I bet some people do. I don't know if they want that. And you put your nose in this. I don't think they do. Stick your whiff in this. That has multiple points of entry, too, Frank. That has the...

You can put your own... Take two dicks in there. You can put your own hand in there and pretend to be Roan. There's a sign. This is on the level of Frank wanting to sell his old pants. This is gross. This is on the level of Frank wanting to sell his old pants. This is gross. This is disgusting.

And maybe it's a part of- So any amount of money is kind of disturbing here? They're getting your old pants? It's an artifact, but it's not even like- Can we throw something out or just this? Are people making bids right now? Ron's sweat has been poured into this. Here we go. Does that mean it just started or was it sold?

Somebody bought a sticker. Yeah, somebody bought a sticker. Plus, not to brag, my handwriting is on this cash. Okay, $10. $10. $13. $15. $15.

$10. $20. $23. It smells like Roan. It does smell like Roan. If you spend more than $30. Oh, God. Oh.

Yeah. So, this is next. This is going three. You guys need to stop. I think I... Wow. Look at this. This is exciting.

I know. Yeah. Tight little thumb hole. Oh, we're in triple digits. Wow, look at this. This is exciting. Tight little thumb hole. Oh, we're in triple digits. Oh, man. I like to think I'm slightly responsible for reminding people they can fill it with all that food. Absolutely. So $141, that's too much money there that you've spent on that. Absolutely. You need to take a long, hard look in the mirror.

Also, thank you. Thank you. It'll go to the slush fund, and we'll use it for something good. But, you know, you have to hate yourself at some level. There it is, $151. Yay, Dylan Joseph Harrison, congratulations. You now own a $151. Dylan Joseph Harrison sounds like three guys that would have bought that cast.

Also, in honor of that, there's a bottle of $151-proof alcohol in that other room. We'll all do a shot now of the $151 because that went for $151. We'll all do a shot now of the 151 because that went for $151. We'll all do a shot. We'll all do a shot. You're taking the train. I drove to the train station.

I drove to the caucus. You're taking the train. You are, brother. I drove to the train. You are, brother. I drove to this train station. This has been one of the best yaks in a long time. Yes, by far. By far, it's been one of the best. Can we auction off a painting?

Can we auction off the Frank painting or no? Should we do that or no? We should wait until we have that. The Owen painting is being sent in as well. Okay. All right. We'll do paintings for the next one. Thank you.

Oh, God. I'm watching off a painting. What was the thing where we drank a whole bottle of this? Mezcal. Oh, that's the Devil Springs elk. Elk. My body just got chilled. Elk.

What is it? Is it 151? Yes, it is. One time when I was in high school, I went to a party at the Westchester Baseball House, and I pretended like I was a student there. And they put, they'll do a beer bong, and they poured 151 in it. And I didn't know what that was. Are they doing it to everybody, or did they pick you out?

I think just because I seemed like, they were probably like, look at this try-hard loser. And they also dumped like protein powder on the top of it. I was like, this is fine. I think I was getting hazed and made fun of. That's fine. That's college. I crushed it like a champ, but I was. You were 17.

Yeah. You drank it, though? I believe I blacked out pretty good that night. I had a good, terrible time. I think that's gross. PA has the hazing game on lockdown mode. Oh, boy. They can haze.

That steak can haze. When I played rugby, we had like a whole week dedicated to- Bring him back in. I missed Tommy. What were you saying when you played rugby? Oh, the initiation night used to be a fucking doozy. Was it physical or psychological? It was at multiple-

We basically had to go from house to house through the frat and sport houses and letting them each have a thing we had to do kind of thing. Was it eating eyeballs and it was peeled grapes and brains? One was like passing – we had to crack – they cracked an egg in your mouth and you had to pass the yolk from mouth to mouth through the whole – If it broke before it got to the end, you had to get another egg cracked in your mouth. You just like leapfrogged for like a mile over each other i remember like deep throating a banana uh which sick brag but i can fucking crush was it the size of a sandwich and then like nasty grog yeah it was like a gobbler i threw the banana to the side i was like i'll do it with the gobbler yeah i'm just picturing a

sandwich i'm not picturing mayonnaise yeah um but oh. Yeah. But, oh, my God, yeah, we had to do, like, all sorts of, like, grog stuff where you had to chug the – like, we had to finish a pitcher of mystery drink by the time whatever. That's so fucked. But at the time, though, we were like, that was the best night ever. That was so much fun. It was fun. You stupidly think that it's –

How do you know that they have hazing on Locke and PA? Well, Penn State goes without saying. IUP, Westchester, Bloomsburg, Pitt. They're all criminals. Chippensburg, Muhlenberg. I've never been to a function at Pitt in Oakland, and there was a felon always. Yeah, there's felons everywhere. Those guys are bad.

College kid that was committed a felony? Kids are bad. Yeah they are. All those PSAC schools. Bad people. You get the trash from Philly the trash from Jersey Chicago trash and the Appalachian

Oh IUP was a huge mix of the redneckachian. Oh, IUP was a huge mix of the Eastern. The redneck trash. The Eastern PA trash, yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, it's gross. And the team now is like, we would never do that stuff. What were you guys thinking?

Like, ew, that's pathetic. And I'm like, oh, yeah, good point. Oh, the rugby team. Yeah, but it's a different time now. It's a different time. Well, they made it, they truly criminalized hazing. That happened while i was in college where it was like we ended up having a i remember like a some kind of ambassador or something come

in to tell us that for the first time hazing in the state of massachusetts was being treated as a as like a felony and you'd be criminally prosecuted if you were found to have done it well my roommate i live with two frat guys my junior year in a small house and one of them couldn't like drink or party anymore because his freshman year the frat he was going into they burned all the guys with cigars his burn got an infection that like went to his heart he had to get like airlifted out and like for the rest of his life he can't like drink or party or anything like and he still stayed in the frat he likes sucks yeah he's like stayed with the frat and like kept rolling with it but uh that's not worth it no not at all not at all were there

dudes who uh had been in uh was it the lacrosse team or was it a frat or something like that i'm not actually gonna say got it which of the organizations i was involved with cullen bones was doing like hazing stuff. There was one. It wasn't the lacrosse team. Yeah, what's smart people classy hazing like? Oh, it's probably way more savage. Yeah, I believe that.

More crazy shit. Yeah, it has to be way more savage. But it was all fun. I mean, it was funny. Like, we had, our class got split into two different teams, and they had a sort of treasure hunt type list of things you had to do and you got to choose who could do them but you had to film them and then at the end of the week we put together a highlight but some of them were amazing like one of them was like go to

a local girls basketball game steal the ball run down the court and make a layup that's some of our you say local girls like we went to an eighth grade girls basketball game the middle of the game went on the court took the ball ran down the court laid it in ripped our shirts off and ran out of the court screaming and the parents were like what was that about you know watching eighth grade girls basketball yeah they needed that but then there was a kid who won you know he had to take a shit in the bu student center and he went in after like in the evening and they were having intramural ping pong practice the team was in there with like eight or nine ping pong tables and he came in and the captain was like can i help you like grabbed his ball and the guy was like, can I help you? Like grabbed his ball. And the guy was like, I'm sorry, man.

And he just pulled his pants down. He had to do it in? Shit on the floor. And the captain, I mean, it is one of the funniest things I've ever seen. He's watching this and he's like, wait, no, don't. Dude, don't. Please don't. What are you doing?

Oh, this guy just shit on the floor. You better clean that up. You better clean that up. You better clean that. Don't. And then he leaves. And then, like, the team is just like, that guy just shit on the floor? Between the tables? That would be the highlight of my month.

Yeah. Where did he look? It doesn't affect you at all. Where did he look when he did it? I can't remember. I can't believe that he just had it ready to go like that.

There's this battle rapper named Daylight and he tried to shit on stage one time. He pulled his pants down and he tried to poop on the stage and he couldn't do it.

That's so bad. He struggled so hard. That is so bad. He was like, like straining on the stage. He never got anything out? And like the security

guards like came and got him as he was, as he was straining and scooped him He never got anything out? And, like, the security guards, like, came and got him as he was straining, scooped him under his arms, and he was, like, still in the squat, and they picked him up, and he was, like, kicking his legs. Why did he try to do that? He was in the antics-y stage. Here it is, here it is, here it is. Oh, no!

Oh, no! Don't worry, he doesn't poop. Look at the cameraman just getting level with it. No! I was on the stage, I, like, left. That actually might be me screaming. He doesn't poop. Look at the cameraman just getting level with it. No. I was on the stage. I like level. That actually might be me screaming. Oh, and you were on the stage?

Like a baboon. He's like break dancing. Look, they picked him. He gave him a chance. Maybe I was wrong about that. I thought that they picked him up and his legs were taken. It's tough. He flopped.

I don't know. It was the way he flopped. Was it part of a punchline? I don't know. He came out in this very complex outfit too, this movie level. He had a cape. I mean, he had a cape on. He just pulled his butt out.

Yeah, it's a tough look. the point being that it's super impressive that your friend could just poop like it's so hard to do i think he had saved it up yeah he's ready to go yeah i think mentally though it's so tough to do that like i think it's so ingrained in it like i think if you gave me 10 grand like kate will give you 10 grand to take a shit on that block right there, and I had to shit, I think I still couldn't do it. Well, Ari is probably still here with the whatnot money. Yeah, yeah. I'll auction off the block with my shit on it. Just auction off the shit.

I don't think I could do it. I don't know. I don't think I could either. I have extreme poop anxiety that I'm not really trying to poop in front of someone. I wonder how fast someone could cum shit, piss, throw up. Oh, gargoyle. That's good. How fast?

I'm sure it's a competition in some circle. Shit. It's an existence. And throw up. In any order. What's the order you would choose? Well, you have to be ready. You have to poop first.

Or maybe, no, no, no. You have any. Come first. No drugs no drugs or medication but any food liquid well when would the contest start is it at like a set contest time or is it on your time um that's a good yeah i could you know what i mean because if it's on your time you just Because if it's on your time, you just have to poop and then cum. I think it's on your time. How fast could someone do it? I think I might go piss, cum, shit, poop. Order. That's reasonable. I promise you there's people out there who poop and cum at the same time.

I think cum would be the hardest part. I think you can get the other three relatively at once. Isn't that a bumpkin? You piss when you shit. Yeah, and then you could throw up easily. I always thought a bumpkin was getting a blowjob while you were taking a shit. Right, so cum and shit at the same time. Want to help me out here?

I don't know that all those bumpkins... I don't know what we're talking about. We're talking about if... Weekend plans. I wanted to know if we could... If there's a contest where someone c comes, shits, pisses. I know there has to be. There has to be some kind of competition where that all happens

and what order you'd go in to kind of go the fastest. If you can look at your stats in life, what's your shortest amount of time? With all four. All four at a time. I imagine in college you probably could knock out all four in 48 hours, no problem. 48, probably. I mean, there's probably like a six-hour period where it's happened. I was thinking in the minutes.

No, but if you shit right before you went out, cleaned yourself up, you would piss sometime during the night, then you would fuck, then you would throw up because you're so drunk. That's happened. Yeah, but Brandon, you're talking about it as a natural progression. We're talking about trying to achieve the cycle as quickly as you can. Okay, but Brandon, you're talking about it as a natural progression. We're talking about trying to achieve the cycle as quickly as you can. Okay, alright, so a speed

game. No would really throw a wrench in if you added tears. I was going to say every orifice has to... Cry, okay. Let's make it a decathlon of discharge. Let's get tending. Bleed, okay. Bleed. Sweat, which is... Sweat sweat which probably would happen

automatically sneeze sneeze sneeze um this is TMI but when I was in labor I had to vomit

and so I threw up so hard that my water broke and I shit myself at the same time they said it was like an explosion it was TMI

yeah 80% of all labors the nurse is like you got the hat trick and I was like an explosion. It was, too. It was, Tina. Yeah. It's disgusting. And he gets in the wrong labors. The nurse is like, you got the hat trick. And I was like, thanks. That sounds like a really tough job, too. Yeah. For the nurse. For the nurse.

There's so much shit in deliveries, man. I didn't know. But I did both at once. My water broke and I shit myself. Oh, now I get it. Yeah. Fuck. But that was three at once.

Damn, that is good. I said it was a labor joke that didn't land. Because she said, I did all of that in labor. And I was like, sounds like a really tough job. And nobody laughed. Labor. He whispered it. It's just for me.

Or you snuck it in. Snuck it in. It was a sneak. It was a little sneak. Sneak job. A little sneakeroo. It would be like the 6-12-18-24 challenge. It's kind of

in the same vein as that, but do we have our decathlon of discharge? Do we have all ten of them? What's body liquid called? Whatever pentathlon. I think decathlon of discharge almost nailed it. That's really good. You do need ten, though. Blood, tears, sweat, piss, shit, cum.

We need four more. Like pus? I didn't want to say it. I just hate talking about puss. Yeah. Well, a puss, it also requires that it was there already. Like there's almost like, I don't know if it's a lack of hygiene associated with pus. No.

Uh-uh. Throw up. Is that eight? You're at eight? No, well, if you have pus. I think we should take pus off. Take pus off. Okay, sorry.

Okay. KB doesn't want to. You could, uh. That comes out of your. You could, like, exfoliate or get, I don't know. Yeah. And do what did you say? Sweat or did we not say sweat?

We said sweat. Sweat's in there. You have to get a certain amount of spit in a jar, maybe. Sounds similar to throw up, but we might have to result to... That could be like the Big Ten. It's different numbers. It's just a lot of...

You could do like clip your toenails or pull out some hair. Yeah, hair, pull out some toenails. I like that the other ones are kind of like enough discharge. Maybe girls could squirt. Right. Girls could squirt. I still don't.

I'm a lady. I still don't know if that's real or not. I have no idea. Brandon? Done research. I blogged about it. I don't know. I was texting Gaz about wrestling.

Adriana Chechik's doctor said she's not allowed to squirt for a little bit because she just got her back broken. Oh, yeah. Sounds like he broke the Hippocratic Oath. This poor bastard. Maybe unless she let it out there. Maybe she did. That makes sense.

That's probably the only way. Imagine him being like a press conference like, My patient, Adriana, has been disallowed from squirting. No more BBC. What are you saying to Gaz? I was just telling him how much this wrestling project needs to happen. Oh, come on, brother. What?

I'm working on it. I'm trying the best I can. What? What has come over us? Why is it taking so long? I don't know. We're stalled out. We're on the five-year line.

I don't understand this. I feel like this is week after week. We put in the same work on the same show. Why is this not happening? I don't know. I don't know. Can you say what the project is or no? I cannot.

Okay. Do you think saying it would help it along? Probably not. Why not? Because I don't want to give up the principal. The goodies? Yeah. I don't want to give up the other guy.

The other guy. But there was a – I also got a text from my daughter. They're having a pep rally at the high school right now, and the ninth graders are waving a barstool flag. Wow. That's cool. Is it for you? I don't think they know me.

They must. The coaches and the teachers there know me, and they're excited about it. How do they feel about you? Like your kids school oh they they they the coaches and the PE teachers love oh yeah I'm sure they want me they want me to come yeah what about like um parent teacher conferences you ever never come up it's never come up because I've never gone to one um but I'm always here my wife handles them but I don't think it's come up in that but yeah the coaches and the the people in drop, but I don't think it's come up in that.

That's nice. Yeah. The coaches and the people in drop-off line, when I've had to go pick her up, they shout me out. Do you like the way that your life has turned out? Not really, no. Yes, you do. Shut up.

I like the money. It's gone past your wildest dreams. I like the money, and it's changed my life. But if you could tell me i could tomorrow just be uh be in mississippi just making a good living and living in a good house i would i would miss that too that's what victor oladipo said about the nba yeah his ways disillusioned by it that's why i try to have the music career i'm trying i'm like really getting into nba also you brought up victor oladipo in two straight days in two different conversations. I got into Victor. I got into Taylor Brown.

I like how good of a singer Victor Oladipo is. He's a very good singer. Really? He's on the masked version of that show, right? Really good, soulful singer, yeah. Oh. His pitches are crazy. He's a great singer.

You know who else was a really good singer? Stevie Wonder. Fuck, I'm not going to remember his name. Basketball player? He used to play for the Pistons one year. I'm not going to remember his name. Basketball player. He played for the Pistons one year. I think he led the league in scoring. This was in like. Cheed Wallace.

No, it was like. Grant Hill. Chauncey Billups. No. How long ago? A long time ago. Oh, Jim Lawrence. Isaiah Thomas.

Wait, no. Lambier. Fuck, I thought he. Maybe it was the Wizards. I think he played for the Wizards. Gilbert Arenas. No, he was bald. I played in like the...

Michael Jordan. 90s, late 90s. Rod Strickland. Early 2000s. Damian Lillard. You're giving a lot of descriptors and we're not even going to close. Sang the national anthem at an NBA game. Carl Lewis.

Carl Lewis. No. Lonzo Ball. No. I'm in Shupert. I might have his team's wrong. Ron Shupert. I might have his teams wrong. I thought it was like... Definitely a good singer, though, not a rapper.

Very good singer. Deval McGee, Andre Drummond. You're saying current guys. No, he doesn't play anymore. He played. Kyrie Irving. There's a guy on the Raptors. I think his name is OG.

OG on the Nets. He's one of my new favorites. You like guys with peculiar names. No. Yes. I think his name is OG. OG on a note. He's one of my new favorites. You like guys with peculiar names. No. Yes. I liked his interviews. You like Victor Oladipo. He's very weird.

No, that was before. Now I'm actually getting into it. Jerry Stackhouse. Yes. Jerry Stackhouse. Jerry Stackhouse was a very good singer. And he played for the Pistons. Pistons, I was right.

He never led the league in scoring. Are you sure about that? 100% not. You might be right. Here he is singing the National Anthem. I don't think he's great. Okay, it's not phenomenal, but it's... It's too much belief in life.

You should have just hit the notes. My favorite NBA clip is when Mo Cheeks starts singing the National Anthem. Okay. It takes a fucking long time. My favorite NBA clip is when Mo Cheeks helps sing the next one. At the twilight's last gleaming, whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous fight. You get the idea. He sang in a choir his whole life, like church choir growing up. And I mean, think about being like an NBA player and just being like,

yeah, I'll go sing the national anthem. That is – it takes some real gumption. Yes, guts. Yeah. He crushed it for the circumstance. If he was just a singer, I'd be elbowing him. You shouldn't have too great talent. Yeah, it's too much.

You shouldn't have – wasn't Brian McKnight a great basketball player? No. You're thinking of J. Cole. Oh, I'm thinking of Brian McKnight. J. Cole is a very good basketball player. Brian McKnight, fantastic basketball player. Master P.

Played a preseason game. The game, very good. The game was tough. Very good. He was tough. Very good. Blue Face. Nardo Wick. Don't know him. He's a new one.

He's a new guy. Lil Baby just came out with an album today. You guys have to listen to it. Who's a really good basketball player, but who's also a fantastic rapper. Jack Harlow. Damian Lillard. Yeah. He's actually a really good basketball player, but who's also a fantastic rapper. Jack Harlow. Damian Lillard. Yeah.

He's actually a very good rapper. I was on Kate's list. That was just on Kate's list. Yeah, just off the top of my head. Yeah. Kate knows her shit. Sports. That's one thing about Kate.

She knows her fucking shit. She also knows about Roback. You know what? I certainly do. Wait, so those headphones do work, huh? They do. They've always worked. And they weren't broken. Everybody's ass wears them and he says that those headphones do work, huh? They do. They've always worked, and they work broken. Everybody's ass wears them, and he says that they don't work.

They do work. And you know what else works? Your body, because it's feeling comfortable in those Roebuck clothes. They have the best performance polos, hoodies, and Q-zips, but now we can rock Roebuck head-to-toe. The whole office has been wearing it, and everybody's been looking super comfy and great. We've been waiting to make a huge announcement.

It's finally time. Roback just released performance joggers, and they are incredible. Functional, versatile, comfortable. These joggers check every box, and there are a lot of joggers out there, except for Brandon Walker. That guy doesn't run anywhere. Walker. But these might be just the best.

Perfect for a nice fall day or a football Sunday. You will likely never want to take these off. We've been rocking them everywhere, so trust us. Your code YAK on rowback.com. Get a generous 20% off your first purchase through the end of the week. That's spelled R-H-O-B-A-C-K.com. That's 20% off all polos, Q-zips, and hoodies and joggers with the code YAK. This show has lost so many people, man.

Nick's gone. Yeah. Owen's gone. Yeah. Yeah. Owen's gone. Yeah. The cat's somewhere out there. Mm-hmm. Sass isn't here.

Goddamn. Holy. Jared. Colby. Jay. Colby. Mm-hmm. Caleb.

Fuck. Yeah. The C sounds don't really hit that hard anymore. No. Gonzo. He's Gonzo. Sad, man. Eric?

Was Eric in our show enough to... I guess it was all Gonzo. Yeah. Eric from time to time. Eric's just famous for being in the background when you got pushed. He was my favorite serious guy. Something up with Che? I love Derek.

Something up with Che? Halloween thing with his kids. He's got a seasonal day. Today's October 14th. He's been in a funk. True. He hasn't had a thing in a while. He used to...

Che over plans, okay? And today, I was bringing Tommy in, and he said he went ahead and scheduled a photographer to shoot Tommy's part of the Barstool calendar. Like, just relax, man. We got a lot of time to do things, man. We've got a lot of time to do things. I actually don't have a lot of time.

I didn't have a plan for Tommy to get shirtless today. Yeah, that's weird. Che demanded it. I thought that was weird. That's fucking weird as shit, dude. Maybe he does have a new thing. I don't have a calendar of photos. You okay? Are your headphones hurting you? That's my ear.

What happened? No no not the noise the feeling your cauliflower cauliflower your cauliflower's acting up seasonally rugby rugby chicks again they have to wrap their ears that's gross yeah you gotta wrap your ears up girls cannot have that cauliflower ear i went on a date with a rugby chick when I was 23, and our date was to go play tennis together. And I beat her 6-4, 6-3, and she got mad at me, and we didn't go on a second date. Dang. Did you all drink afterwards?

Was I supposed to let her win, though? She's a competitive rugby chick. It was close enough to be 6-3, 6-4. Yeah, okay. So I had to get that win. I probably wasn't even about to. She would have thought I was a". Yeah, okay. So I had to get that win. She would have thought I was a pussy. It was probably just because I was ugly and poor.

Nothing to do with that. Yeah, dates looked way different when I was in college. It was like, you want to come back to my room and get finger blasted on my bunk bed? Yes, yes I do. You were saying that then. Yeah. Different times, I guess. It was a nobler time when you were 70s.

I was surprised you played two sets of competitive tennis on a first date. Yeah, that's sweaty as hell. That is a very high octane. Well, I kind of fudged a little. We went on a first date to dinner, and then we were talking, and we were like, oh, I love to play. You love to play. Let's play.

The next day we met and we played. So it was like a continuation of the first date. That's better, though. I thought it was like. Let's meet up at the courts. Right, yeah. Ran into a girl at the dining hall, and you're like, oh, you play tennis? Let's go play.

And the first time you played. You looked up. Two sets. I'd like to play more tennis. Do you play much? No. Not even a little bit. But I enjoy playing it.

Great. I want to get into pickleball. Really fun. That's tennis for people who have given up, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But young people really play it a lot, too. It's taking off. It's like becoming big.

Tom Brady just bought a team or something. Right. A little LeBron, I think. LeBron, yeah. big. Tom Brady just bought a team or something. There was a picture of this women's pickleball association that was fighting. They were in a courtroom fighting for their rights.

They looked like the worst people ever. Yeah, my dad is in deep. It's some shitty people. That's all they have and then they'll act like they're oppressed because they can't play their pickleball. It's like, dude, this is just the thing you care most about because it's most fun to you.

Francis, are we late? Well, I mean, whenever I'm waiting for you, honestly. Well, I don't want to make everybody late. Oh, no. We can go.

I don't want to. The cameraman's waiting for two o'clock to film me and you and Tommy. We got wheels. You and Tommy. Yeah, let's run the wheel.

Run the wheel. We got the wheel. Parlay wheel as well. We should do parlay wheel. We should also put on the wheel. Run the wheel. Parlay wheel as well. We should do parlay wheel. We should also put on the wheel, we should add a painting. Do like a, like pick a painting. Wait, I think one of us should have to paint one to be auctioned off. That's dope too.

One of us should have to paint it. What's Stinky Cloud? What is Stinky Cloud? It's more of a concept than a thing. It's just a concept. Last time. Yeah, maybe. It's like create a stinky cloud.

It still makes me laugh just to see. Like walk through it. Be as a create the cloud. Ew, a stinky cloud. I don't know why it gets me. Oh. Oh, hell. Oh, yay.

I think that one, that sliver right there gets picked a lot. The one right past wheel reset. What is wheel reset? You spin it again? Before we reset the wheel. All the drives go back on. And like every, yeah, kind of. Thank you for having me.

Yeah, we're going to also do the parlay wheel. We figure out our yak parlay. Three-game parlay. Oh, I like that. That's fun. Wheel size. Did it win last week? Is there breaking news?

Nope. Oh, this is just the wheel. So it's due. Super due. Super due. Oh, Bill's? No. Cardinal Seahawks.

What do we think? I don't understand. You pick a team? And then it's going to go over under. We're going to do a yak parlay. Card Seahawks is. Oh, it should all be. It's all wheel.

No, but I'm saying. It just picks it for us. Oh, okay. Over under. It needs to be over. It's under. God damn it. All right, fade the yak wheel.

It knows. All right, so Card Seahawks under. That's at 51, 50 and a half maybe. Sounds right. New episode of Zero Blog 30 out. It's just under the Bills Chiefs, I believe. Bengals Saints, another decent game. Who do you got in that game?

This one needs to be under. Huh? Who do you got in that game? Oh, I like the Bengals to go beat them. Saints aren't very good. Saints are bad. But the Bengals are not that good either. Suck it.

He's terrible. And no T. Higgins. That game last night stunk again, right? Am I right, guys? It was bad. Sheesh. There you go. Saints-Bengals over, just like I predicted.

Wait, you predicted what the wheel would land on? I did. Not even what the game would be? Are we keeping track of this? I would like to actually place this bet. It'll be on the Barstool Sportsbook. It'll be on the Barstool Sportsbook. We're all legally obligated to put $1,000 on it.

You'll have to. Jags, Colts. Come on. It's going to be either over or under. If this one isn't under, I'm leaving. Yeah, this needs to be. Come on. It's going to be either over or under. If this one isn't under, I'm leaving. Yeah, this needs to be. Come on. Oh, yeah.

All right. So we got Cardinals, Seahawks. Don't act like you know. I don't. I don't. I'm off and on. Those two teams can't score. They're going to set the under over accordingly, right?

Correct, yeah. I think 38, maybe a little higher. I don't know what it is. All right. All right. Thank you guys for coming in and yakking today, and thank you for birthing Tommy Walker. Francis, you want to go take advantage of my 12-year-old for contact?

Let's do it. Let's do it. Thank you. Yes, we're not going to.