The Yak - Getting Naughty for Sas's 22nd Birthday | The Yak 4-5-23

Episode Date: April 5, 2023

I thought you said 21 PilotsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Hello. Hello. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Sari. Happy birthday to you. Yes.

The king of New York. 22-2-2. Atwell. The old? No. What was the second thing? 2-2 Atwell. Rams.

2-2. Louisville. Quarterback. Receiver. Speed demon. Put on that fucking Taylor Swift song where she's like, I'm feeling 22. I don't know about you, but I'm feeling 22. That song sucks. That song is so bad.

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Use code YAK for 20% off your first purchase. Code YAK, 20% off your first purchase at Roback.com. The most comfortable Q-zips, polos, hoodies, t-shirts, joggers. The best. I feel like there's a shitload of dudes who are just getting insane pussy taking their wife or girlfriend to Taylor Swift's concerts. You saw that video? I saw that video and I was like, damn. What video?

The grind. Can we pull that up? Taylor Swift grind video? That was so funny. The person that quote tweeted it was like, there's not a single song where someone has to be doing this in the grind. Yeah. That's true.

And you take your wife or girlfriend to Taylor Swift, and then they play the Taylor Swift cosplay in their head. What the? Oh, my God. Yeah. They fucked a lot when they got home. They probably didn't wait to get home. I think that's happening everywhere.

It's a cheat code. I mean, I think the tickets are impossible to get, too, right? Oh, yeah. What does that mean? That they're hard to get? Yeah, like, there's got to be a price. Yeah, it's like $5,000. Oh, okay, yeah, that's impossible to get.

But also, too, my friends getting them for their daughters waited eight hours online and this thing, and if you miss it, it's like the whole process. Yeah, you had to download specific apps and open specific credit cards. It's very possible to get. There's 30,000 people there. When people were saying impossible to get, I was like, if I could just, can I buy them for like $500? It sounds like no.

Not for $500. I think Keegs got tickets to three different shows. I think she got Philly, New York, and somewhere else. Maybe Baltimore. Keegs is a demon with the apps though. She does sneaker resale. She just buys up a bunch

of shit and fucking resells it on Grailed. Dunk High is tomorrow at 10am. She's grabbing the 11.5s and I'm paying double for them. She's a business woman. Rone will get them and wear them on the same day. She definitely is a bot. She's a bot. She's a bot.

She's definitely a bot and she's crushing it like that but I do think that there's fucking a foot at Taylor Swift's concerts. That and Harry

Styles. It's like if you surprise especially knowing how hard the tickets are to get. I would say Harry Styles more. You think so?

Oh yeah. They're going to be so horny. Oh there we go. They're younger. Taylor Swift's in her early 40s now I think it's more likely You go to a Harry Styles concert

You bring your wife or girlfriend Back home And they're like Hold on a second They go into the bathroom For 45 minutes Like alright ready for bed Yeah

Real tired I bet you more couples Fuck in the bathroom At Harry Styles concerts Than at home afterwards Okay British accents Queer baiting

The British accent I can't Roan can Sweep your chimney Gov No woo woo woo concerts than at home afterwards. Okay. British accents. Queer baiting. The British accent. I can't. Roan can. Sweep your chimney, governor. Woo, woo, woo. Right. It's pretty good.

Harry. Am I your date? That's exactly what Harry Styles says. Hey, Harry Styles. Hermione is so many British women named Hermione. Oh, yeah. Such a British name. Yeah. I never heard of that name until the books, until those books came out. They're going to make a show about it, though. That'll be sweet. Yeah. I never heard of that name until those books came out.

They're going to make a show about it, though? That'll be sweet. What? I guess. Really? HBO. Seven seasons, one for every book. An HBO show about Harry Potter?

I can see that being good. Yeah. Except for a new kid's going to have to play Harry Potter. Harry Potter. Those kids were awful actors. They were in the first two. Daniel Radcliffe? Daniel Radcliffe's alright.

Prince William was the other guy? Yeah, it was Prince William. Prince Harry. No, it was Prince Harry. Prince Harry. Yeah. There is a lot of British dudes named Harry. Does he say in his book that he has a blue cock?

He does? I think his dick is blue. That would make sense. He got blue, yeah. Start this again. Who? Prince Harry's book? I think he has a blue dick.

I mean, wouldn't it be getting a hard-on, like bumping your shin into a coffee table? All the blood's rushing there. I bet every boner he gets a bruise. He could die. Ew. I gotta see this dude's cock now. I'm curious.

I feel like I missed a lot. What did you guys do? The Moresh show seemed like a lot of fun. I was very sad. Yeah, it was fun. Great guy. What else did you guys do? Hey, Kyle. Kyle?

I missed you guys a lot. Kyle's just been fucking flexing on us. Kyle's gotten so jacked. Kyle got super fit. He looks good. Just like dripping his body parts in our faces. Yeah, the trip was like three days too long. How long were you there?

You were there from, what, Wednesday? We went Thursday to Austin, Friday to Houston, Houston Friday, Saturday, Sunday to Louisiana. Sunday I should have come home. Yeah, that's tough. You taught a class? I taught a class. How'd it go? Good.

Good. Where was it? Business class at UT. You think it's hard to teach business and marketing and stuff like that? No, I was just like, hey, I had one good tip. Fuck. I already

forgot it. Damn. Fuck. Emptied my whole brain for these people. Did you record it? I think someone did record it. Did you tell them the phone is the most powerful weapon? This tool right here. It's actually the most powerful fucking weapon. Oh, I think I told them, yeah, don't ask for a job.

Just go do it. That's good. I mean, our office is Google-able, and we'll let you in. Yeah. No, but I was like, I basically was like, people just ask for jobs all the time. It's like, you have to actually do it first.

People always like, I get a lot just like, how do I work there? You know I'm funny and then they just don't have anything to show. They'll be like, well,

we'd be a great addition to the crew. My boys think I'm the funniest. Like, what does that even mean? Or the other one will be, someone will hit me up and be like, I'll be your assistant.

I'll get your coffee. I'll grind. It's like, dude, I know you would come and get my coffee for like two weeks and you'd be like, am I ready to be on camera? Yeah, yeah. No, no, no. You just need to wait till your kind of acquaintance from your small hometown gets hired.

Busted for blow. And then you gotta start tweeting out photos to show that you can make busted for blow, and then you got to start tweeting out photos to show that you can make graphics for him, and then he'll hit you up. He won't give you his phone number yet, and then you got to get an interview here for a different job position. That's how we all did it.

Works every time. That's perfect. Sash, you want a cake or cupcakes or something? No. Sure? Yes, you do, yes. If Kate does, sure. Mm-mm.

No. No. What I really want... Sorry, no sweets. Okay, all right. What I does, sure. Mm-mm. No. No. What I really want... Fuck. Sorry, no sweets. Okay, all right. What I really want is a sugar-free Red Bull. Okay.

Okay, okay. You can make that happen. Let's get a round. Awesome. Get a round. I'm going to make sure that gets... I'll get that for you. If only you had an assistant that would grind and go get it.

That would be sick. It's true. You got to do a case race soon. I want to play roofball very badly. Yeah. We're going to do it at John Rich's house in Ohio. Oh, yeah, we're doing it in Ohio. Oh, really?

Oh, wait. Were you here for the John Rich, his dad? No, what happened? Oh, his dad is a marketing professor who's also a musician who has a whole... He plays in John Pryne... Yes, he does. Yeah, his cover band, which is... That rules

But he also has his own album About marketing And his own album About the time he got cancer And we listened to A bunch of the songs Which one's better The cancer seemed awesome

He had this hot ass nurse Yeah he had a hot nurse Hot stoma nurse He had a stoma nurse That he wrote a song about Oh yeah you also missed That Brandon's Brandon's like

Banging his realtors Oh nice Yeah two of them I knew I missed a lot. There's two and there's 25. Both of them? They push their boobs together. Oh, he gets a titty fuck but not

in between the boobs? He's titty fucking four titties. From above. Corner of New Mexico. Good for him. They hold him up with their shoulders when they're pushed together. Yeah. He just is thrusting.

It's so sick. Show us how. Yeah, the John Rich Mincy video was great. Yeah. Mincy. Your rundown with Mincy was great. Oh, man. He just got.

Mincy is now, he's a genre. Yeah, he is. He's his own genre. We need him more than he needs our company. Did you hear his, Wake Up With Mincy has a producer, three cameras, and a studio. And they're still, they're ramping up. Yeah, they're not ready yet. Yeah, it's not ready yet.

Not yet, we're not ready yet. He got his producer four weeks ago, so it's just like. And the producer's not his assistant. That's a different guy. Different guy. And what's the premise of it? Gambling, or it's like. No, just's not his assistant that's a different guy different guy and what's the premise of it gambling

or it's like no just waking up oh just waking up so it's really just once his eyes open the show's over okay I'm getting out

of his sheets there it is full credits he gets maybe one day there'll be like a booger in his eye a white bit

there it is I would love a first person Mincy show. Like the show Peep Show. Oh, yeah. Like that episode of Always Sunny where it's Frank. Yeah. If he just streams 24-7 with a GoPro on his forehead. I would watch it.

Oh, my God. The whole country would watch it. Yeah. If he Truman shows himself. Well, that's what we were saying to him. It's like he has a studio he's going to. I want someone literally waking him up. Yeah.

I want to see him pee in the morning. I want to see his first movements, his yoga stretch to get ready, warmed up. Is that unrealistic? Can we do that? No, I think we're trying to do that. Can Andy Milonakis do that? Yeah. He has IRL streaming.

I'd like to watch Mincy sleep. Yeah. Yes. I would. I would, too. Not a creepy one. It wouldn't be creepy. One of my wheel slices is you have to stream yourself sleeping that night.

Oh, jeez. I wonder what he, how he sleeps. I'll just be my son. Waking me up. What's up? When you guys wake up and pee, do you guys stand up or sit down in the toilet? I'm always stand. If it's 3 to 5,

I'm sitting. If it's middle of the night, I'll... If I wake up in the middle of the night at 3 a.m. to 5 a.m. If it's middle of the night, I'll pee in the sink. At your house? Yeah. In the bathroom sink?

Yeah. I don't want to turn on a light. It's a better height, probably. It's a perfect height. I don't want to turn on a light. It's a better height, probably. It's a perfect height. I don't want to turn on a light and wake myself up, so I'll just go and get into my sink. Run the water. I'm a sit-down guy.

I go on Twitter for a little bit. You sit down and go on Twitter? How long does your piss take? Maybe piss in like 45 seconds. No. Not on Twitter, like 90 seconds. You're just fake pooping. Yeah.

Just buying all the time. It's nice. But that blue light's bad for your brain in the middle of the night. Yeah. Blue light glasses, brother. I'm talking about when you wake up for the morning. Oh, I thought you were talking about the night.

Like when you wake up at whatever, 7, 8 a.m. And then I'll pee in the toilet. But in the middle of the night, I'll always pee in the sink. But you're standing up when you pee. Do you always pee in the sink in the middle of the night? I don in the toilet. But in the middle of the night, I'll always pee in the sink. But you're standing up when you pee. Do you always pee in the sink in the middle of the night? I don't wake up very often in the middle of the night. Why not?

It's so I don't wake up. I don't have to turn on the lights. I don't have to aim anything. Then you clean off the tip of your dick with the faucet, right? Yeah. And then it's done. Your dick can reach the faucet? I use my toothbrush to clean off the dick of my...

Yeah. A little soap on the toothbrush. Yep. And I'll brush the tip of my dick. Oh, dude. Getting soap in your dick is the worst. It doesn't go in. Soapy pee pee?

It's on the outside. No, soapy pee pee is nice. No, it's not. Sting? You guys never gotten the... It's healthy. My cord was gagging when I got that soap in. Uh-huh.

You get the sting, and then you'll be doing something. And then you'll get a little dribble when you're pretty pissed and it hurts so bad. This happened to me when I would jack off with shampoo. Yeah, that's happened to me too. A little pee pee would slip out and I'd be like did I just give myself chlamydia?

Yeah. That bottle of V8 is such a whore. Tell me. Yeah, my son wipes his penis with paper towels, or with toilet paper. It's literally the lamest thing ever. Yeah, that is lame. It's so... It's chick behavior, if we're being honest. You're supposed to wipe it on your underwear.

Yeah, right. You're supposed to jiggle. Yeah. And then pee a little down your leg. Or a lot. Or a lot. I just, I think half of my piss, like, a. You're supposed to jiggle. Yeah. And then pee a little down your leg. Or a lot. Or a lot. I just, I think half of my piss like a couple days ago,

I was done peeing. I put it away and I just kept going. Oh yeah, for sure. Yeah. Yeah. My prostate. Liam Neeson.

It's happened to me here and I had to go home. Yeah, you pissed yourself? Really? It's happened to me here and I just. I peed all over my pants. It happened to me

before Leigh Barrow Den and I just walked around and I was like, look, I just peed myself. Yeah. It's to me before labor are done. And I just walked around and I was like, look, I just peed myself. Yeah, it's way easier at a college party. I went outside to pee and it made like a little mud puddle and then I slid in the mud puddle was covered in pee mud. I just went home.

You see a video of the dude doing the backflip and when he does the backflip, there's just shit stains all over his ass. What? No. Oh, all over his ass. Yeah. Oh, no. All over his ass? Yeah. Oh, no. I'm going to pull up this guy's ass.

Backflip guys need that to happen more often. Yeah, backflip guys love backflipping. It's the worst. It's a whole personality trait. You get it. You do it once, but then you just do it in different locations. They're all built the same, too. They're all like 5'10", muscular.

Workout humor is the worst. Every time we're- Oh! Oh, that's- Oh, no. He posted it. muscular. Workout humor is the worst. Oh! Oh no! He posted it? Oh no! That is so much shit. What you got there, buddy?

First comment. Which is kind of taken away from the fact that that was insanely impressive. It was, but not really. He took him like 400 tries. He's like, oh, there's a insanely impressive. It was, but not really. It took him like 400 tries. He's like, oh, there's a shit stain. He uses rocket boosters to help him with that flip. Massive dick.

He has that print. Oh, that's brutal. Oh. That print. Yeah. That's quite the print. Yeah, I like to think that he's been trying that for so long. He finally gets it.

He's like, well, we got him. It's the conundrum of it. Yeah. Got to be on purpose. It really does. I'm hip to it. I used to think every summer between fourth and eighth grade that I was going to come back learning.

I'm like, I'm going to learn a backflip this summer. I'm going to shock everybody on the first'm like, I'm going to learn a backflip this summer. I'm going to shock everybody on the first day of school. I never even got close. I couldn't do a fucking handspring, cartwheel. Everyone says it's easier than doing a frontflip. Yeah, much. It's just not something that... Much.

I would always just consider I was going to break my neck. I learned super fast and then went home and I've lost it. I feel like you could do it, Kyle, because it's adjacent to tree climbers. Is it? Yeah, I think the kids who climb trees are usually the backflip kids. You take a fall. It ain't hard to learn if you have a crash pad.

Do you still climb trees at Central Park? No. That was cool when you did. No. That was a cope. Yeah. That was cool when you did. Nah. That was a cope. Looking back on that, you were trying to escape your problems. Yeah. That was a cope.

Are you still getting carriage rides around Central Park? No. That was a cope, too. Sometimes you just got to be a normal person. Yeah. Sometimes you just got to be a normal person. Sometimes you just got to climb a tree. Climbing trees is fun.

I don't think so. I don't like getting sappy. Coming down is always... Yeah. I just saw a TikTok where this little girl went like, I don't know how tall trees are, but she kept going and going without realizing, and then she got to the top, and she was like 250 feet up in the air,

and they had to get the fire. It took like 10 different fire crews. I don't know. Do you get charged for that, like a bill or no? The fire department comes? I don't think so. No? Okay. Ambulance you do.

It took them like hours and hours to figure out how to get her out of this tree. Firefighters are just not doing anything. They're just like sitting around. Yeah, they want the action. They were looking forward to it. Especially if they're not in new york those dudes are pretty busy but all the rest all other firefighters may still fireproof now they do root for fires yeah they love it oh yeah dude the town that i'm from there's just nothing happens and they do like

controlled like burns and then they like have all the firefighters put them out and that's like their work for the year yeah Yeah. Oh in my town like whenever something small like a dog would get hit by a car something like every volunteer department show it's like big they're all there. Ron did you do a man on the street yesterday at the Trump thing?

It wasn't really man on the street. It was more just we were just kind of checking it out. We just wanted to be there for history. But I wasn't like um. Did you guys see that guy taking a spill on his bicycle? I did. That was so fucking It was more just we were just kind of checking it out. We just wanted to be there for history. But I wasn't like... Did you guys see that guy taking a spill on his bicycle? I did. That was so fucking... That ruled.

I was almost there live. He rode past me. I walked home yesterday. He rode past me and he was saying, there's a lot of elephants here. And then... Oh, the guy who fell. I thought you were talking about Trump.

I heard the wreck and I turned around. Really? Wait, he... Damn. Where's the video? Is there around. Really? Wait, he... Damn. Where's the video? Is there a video of it? It's hilarious. There was like

kind of a lot of action. Oh, God. Somebody rolled the skateboard. Oh, really? That moment right before he's like, I rule.

That's a long way to fall. What did he fall? How did he roll the skateboard? Oh, I missed that. Oh, I missed the skateboard. Where's the skateboard? I didn't see it. Ready, watch.

Oh. Oh, did that person do it on purpose? Nice. So, is that easy to take him down? Oh. Oh. Like an AT-AT. So, Nick, you were, like, right there.

I was, like, I was walking past. I saw that guy. And I was walking past, and I was five-eye, and he rode past me. Could have been you. I didn't have my skateboard with me. I don't think, I just said this on KFC Radio, I don't think that Trump has, like, an army that he can just, like, snap his fingers and they're there to do whatever

and will charge an area or be rowdy for him anymore. I think he's got online people. I think people will vote for him. I think people will come to his rallies. But I don't think after January 6th that he has people who will ride like that. Depends on where.

If he can't get it in New York, I feel like he can't get it. I think that's a tough place to go because there's probably a lot of Trump people Who are like I'm not going to this liberal hell hole There was way more Trump people than there were Yeah Remember when he had the boat like militia

Yes That was awesome Most boat owners are Trump people Oh I forgot about that Yeah they were sick Like a million boats. That's an armada. Yeah.

Yeah. I bet the appetizers on those boats were great. I feel like. What are you thinking? I just feel like Trump people know how to barbecue. I feel like it's like. Oh, yeah. Some good summer sausage.

Yeah. A lot of good. And boat people know how to eat. I'm just saying. Ritz crackers with the shrimp, the sausage, which actually is very good. Ritz crackers, I feel like once you get fancy cheese and stuff, you don't do the Ritz, but the Ritz are good with the best. Even that.

Party has a crock pot of little smokies. I'm not leaving the side of that thing. Did you guys know stoned wheat thins are gone? I don't know what those are. Really? I love those. I did too thins are gone? I don't know what those are. Really? Remember those ones made you feel like you had- I love those. I did too.

Those are gone? They're gone. They just stopped making them. It made you feel like you had hair on your tongue. Stoned wheat thins? Stoned? I think you've been eating your hair, Kate. No, they were like-

Are you confusing those with Triscuits? No, they were like super bland, grainy crackers, right? No, they were good. They were good for cheese. Salty, yeah. Salty. What the best crackers are are those ones that are rectangle.

Biscuits? Yeah. You guys know what these are. I've never seen stoned wheat. I've never seen stoned wheat. These are incredible. I've never even heard of these. What?

It's just me and Rowan. Yeah, I've never seen those. Those were bad. If I'm munching crackers, give me chicken biscuits. There's a big one you snap it in half. Yeah, you can snap it in half. Good vessel for cheese.

The perfect vessel for cheese. The spreadable cheese on those was good. I'll give it that. Yeah. Any cheese. It's just gone, though. Went extinct. That's bullshit.

People are trying to resell them on eBay and Amazon. You don't want it for nostalgia. You want it for cheese. I want it for cheese. I would buy it and just eat it. Big dogs bring back stoned wheat thins. You want it for cheese. I want it for cheese. I would buy it and just eat it. Bring back big dogs. Bring back stoned wheat thins. Gotta do it.

Wouldn't do shit. What? People always clamor for like, oh, I wouldn't want it. Oh, to bring back shit? No, like they want Baja Blast in stores. They got it. No one cared. Nobody cares. Oh, the Oreo Cakester's back.

Holy queso, yeah. Twinkies. Twinkies? Twinkies never left. Oh, there was a big panic when Twinkies. Twinkies? Twinkies never left. Oh, there was a big panic when Twinkies came on. Yeah, for a while. People lost their minds. Twinkies, it's like Twinkies and roaches?

Yeah. Survive forever. Yeah. Yes. It's a bunch of roaches eating Twinkies. Good life. More shit must be able to survive. You think that's the only shit?

It's like a McDonald's hamburger like 10 years later. It looks exactly the same. Yeah. Yeah. Frank's about to own McDonald's. Yeah. Really? Found a piece of plastic in his fries today.

Class action lawsuit. Remus is doing the tomahawk chop. SVP. I saw SVP flipping burgers earlier today. I didn't. Remus is doing the tomahawk chop. I saw SVP flipping burgers earlier today. I didn't put it together. Every time, me and Kyle went to Cracker Barrel. I think he just has debris in his mouth.

You too. There was a screw in his green beans. Yeah, we're on to you. He's just ordering a side of debris. Yeah, I think he's hoarding debris in his cheeks. I'm not judging that, but you can't get mad when there is debris in your food. I think I quote you. I said give us 50% of the company.

Next meal? I hate that shit. Next meal? This is a little business class. Oh, Dave's in. Over for that. We'll accept stock. Stephen Che was trying to argue with Frank

to think about soda today. Oh, Frank came to your rescue, Roan. It wasn't even my rescue. I'm on the right side of history well no but it's just like imagine that endorsement yeah it is like i he really was just superman just like fucking busting down the doors i was trying to grapple with a henchman he not so fast steven he fucking landed in front of him with a i I mean, it's an old take. Chinese food goes best with orange soda.

And Stephen Che felt some ownership to the cuisine and thought that he could have an opinion that superseded Frank's opinion. What did you say went best with it? Well, I was reacting to the clip of you talking about on the Pat-Pat Pod with Roan that you said that orange soda went best with Chinese food. And then I said that it most certainly did not. And Frank chimed in in the reply. So I wasn't going after Frank. Frank's a soda sommelier.

He is. He knows how to pair everything. Yeah. And he's talked about it a lot. In his top ten pairings, though, Chinese food and orange soda did not make the cut. I'll say that. What's your number one? Oh, I don't have a top ten pairings, but

in Frank's top ten pairings. There goes my hero right now. There goes my hero. Did you see the tweet of Frank coming to his aid? No. Oh, it was great. It made me laugh so hard. I want to see it. I hadn't seen Frank

in like five days, and he just saw me and just was like, I'm, like, he basically, it was almost like I had come back from outer space. He's like, here's everything I'm going to update you on when he mets. What did he give you? Everything. Worst team in the league? I kind of kept it moving, but he was still yelling.

Yeah, worst team in the league, you're never going to win. Like three and two? He was blaming Moneyball. He said, ever since Moneyball came out, baseball's been ruined. Fuck. But Moneyball was based on what they were doing beforehand. Yeah. Yeah.

But ever since the move, I think he thinks a lot of GMs watch Moneyball and they're like, oh, fuck. We got to try this. We got to do this. We got to trade Jeremy Jambi. Oh, shit. This is crazy. Jeremy Jambi. Oh, shit. This is crazy. Jeremy Giambi's dancing too much in the locker room.

Jeremy was a punk. Is he dead? Oh, shit, yeah. Jesus Christ. Did he die, like, this year? Yeah. Hamburger in his front seat. Oh, damn.

He's got blasted. Sassy. It's your birthday, though. It's your birthday. You can disparage two more dead celebrities. 22, huh, Sass? Yeah. Feel old?

No. Okay, good. Cool. Good answer. Yeah, I don't know. It's pretty, like, I don't really have, I don't know. 25 is really the next one. Yeah.

Renting a car. Doesn't really feel that crazy. No, and then 30. There's really the next one. Yeah. Renting a car. Doesn't really feel that crazy. No, and then 30. There's really not many birthdays after 21. Yeah, 21 felt a lot bigger. Yeah. So I got to go buy beer. Yeah.

You've done it every day. I've done it a lot since then, yeah. Did we do three? It was the case race was on your birthday last year? No, I think it was a couple days or a week later maybe. Yeah. So we did three case races in this past year? Yeah. I was on my mental hiatus.

Can we get the roof wall set? Just go somewhere. Do we have anyone in New Jersey who said they'd do it? Yeah, I have some houses. I think we're going to try to make it a bigger thing. Oh, nice. Che, maybe your house? Yeah.

Not too waterlogged. I mean, I have a roof. Oh, Jesus Christ, brother. Do you have a ball? Yep. Whoa. Do you have a chimney? I think that's it.

I do. Are you sure? Yeah. Are you positive? I don't know. Well, do you have a fireplace? I do, yeah. Oh, okay. have a fireplace? I do, yeah. Oh, okay.

A real one? Yes. You got a chimney, brother. Yeah, I'm just trying to, yeah. Give me your picture on your roof right now. You don't see it. You don't know where the chimney is. It's there, though.

It's a gap in the memory. No, it's there. It hasn't been utilized, so I don't know if it's like, if I would be super happy with throwing balls at it. Well, you think the roof, the chimney will come down? I don't know if I would be super happy with throwing balls at it. Well, you think the chimney will come down? I don't know. I haven't touched that chimney.

What's your chimney made of? But if a football could bring a chimney down, don't you think the wind would have done that? I guess you're right. Well, he hasn't touched it. That would be funny if we went to Jay's house and just the first throw, just his whole house was right through. Is this house made of cards? Jay, my bad, broke your chimney. The whole house is just a pile of dust.

I broke your chimney with this inflatable ball. Damn, that was one of those load-bearing chimneys. Shit. I like the idea of him being like, yeah, I never tested it either. That's like something that people do. They go and they see how sturdy their chimney is right by this house. That's what Brandon was definitely doing with the house. Bouncing a basketball off the roof. Brandon goes and just throws shit at the windows.

He went to go look at a house that had maybe a quarter basketball court. He said it was just a room that had a basketball court. He shot around while the girls walked. Yeah, trying to impress them. He's definitely trying to impress them. He said it was just a room that had a basketball court, and he shot around while the girls walked. Yeah, trying to impress them. He's definitely trying to impress them. Genuinely did. Did a spin move and a double fell out of his pocket. It's a classic.

Started cramping within, like, first three minutes. Oh, God, what a fool. Did you see that baseball team of death row inmates in 1910s? Oh. Wyoming put up of death row inmates in 1910s? Oh. Wyoming put up their death row inmates, and if the baseball team of death row inmates kept winning, they would have their executions postponed. We should do that with everything.

Yeah. And one of the guys became a star, like a fan favorite, very likable. People would come from all over to watch him. And he still died. Oh. Death row also. He's at one loss and they all die. I don't know. I didn't read up on it.

What a thrilling game of baseball. I would watch. Yeah. I would definitely watch. Good concept. So we should give death row people a chance to... Entertain us before they die. Yeah.

Or at least absol have absolved themselves maybe. Something like that. There's a prison I think it's Thailand where they have a tournament. It's like a Muay Thai tournament and if you win you get all your charges dropped. What? That's awesome but also you're just basically

picking the most badass guy to get to walk free. And he gets to always walk free. Like he gets to always walk free. Like, he can just whip ass. The most dangerous man. Go back in jail and then escape again. Yeah. All prisons should let their most dangerous man go. He's earned it.

They should let the guy who loses in the first round go. Yeah. That would make more sense. The worst pedophile. The person who's worst at being a pedophile. Right, right. I'm up there. He's one of the worst.

I'm worse than you. I'm dog shit. I'm lousy. Listen, I'm lousy. I'm at the worst I've ever... I've always been bad. I agree. I'm not getting any better.

I was good when I was a kid. Yeah, it's true. Once I turned 18, I've been really bad at being a pedophile. Awful. Awful. God, oh God. When I was 16 being a pedophile. Awful. God, oh, God. When I was 16. Sick pedophile.

Back in my pedophile days. Back when I was a pedophile. I don't have it. I don't know what it is. I just don't have it. Yeah, I don't either. It's probably good, but yeah, you're right. The passion's gone.

Doesn't do anything for me. I used to love fucking kids yeah yeah it's all i would think about yeah it's all the time all i wanted all i wanted was to fuck an under 18 your parents ever catch you no i wish that would have been cool they would have been like good job job. You're fucking a kid. You're doing good. Oh, my God. This is going to be taken out of context.

Yep. Yeah. Yeah. I realized right after we said it. That's a funny bit. It's just me. Yeah. I should have realized before.

Back in my pedophile days. Mincy put up his final training numbers. Kyle, did you see it? I'm curious. he said he ran two miles in about 9 30 he gave like the time of each instead of just the total time yeah it was starting to think he might be able to do it but which i'm fine with giving the money two miles is a third you you you feel more confident after this i don't know i just really don't want him to do it because i want i i've already told him that he gets redemption on a track. So I want to watch him do it. And be there live.

Right. And have him just run during the yak. I wonder how much. Also, if he really wanted to, he could just lie. And say he did it? Just be like, hey guys, we're going to give you $30,000 if you just say I ran it in under an hour. Well, he's got a chip, he said. Oh, shit.

The chip don't lie. They could put it on somebody else. In case he runs away, they got a chip. He got an Apple tag on him. He lost him. No, we need people at the start and end of the race. We need officers. That better be.

There should be footage. If anyone has a skateboard in New Orleans, just fucking roll it on out. Why don't we have him? I will give you cash. Why don't we test out the live stream thing and just have him live stream the run GoPro style? Yeah, we should.

Yeah. Yeah, he should wear a GoPro. Actually, he should wear an old school, like, big time camcorder. Yeah, over the shoulder. Be like, Penn couldn't swing the GoPro, so. Yeah, you're right, though. Either way, he shouldn't tell us and we should watch something.

The way Andy Milonakis does it and other guys is this is like a thing where it's a backpack that you can live stream from all in one device. So he could do it. Oh. He would have to hold something, though. It's a backpack that you can live stream from all in one device. So he could do it. He would have to hold something though. It's a backpack with a camera stick. Do we have the GoPro setups where you can just have it back at his face? Yes, but that would not be live. It would be recorded. Yeah, I know. I want him to record it either way.

Just an hour long. Yeah, we'll just put it on the bottom. Alright, I gotta figure that out. GoPro running. Or just like an equally fast cameraman who could just kind of jog with him. Mincy will definitely not turn on his GoPro.

He'll like, we'll see the end. Yeah, or it'll just be like facing his chest the whole time. It'll be off, yeah, and then he'll turn it on and be like alright, did it. The freaking goat. I want him to wear like a helmet.

They definitely have those. The train dude is the archetype for those things. The guy who like decided whenever he sees a train. I saw a sick one the other day. They've seen sick ones.

You know what? I've been watching a lot of videos of this dude who just goes around to different houses and mows their lawn. Have you seen the guy that does the window? I know the guy you're talking about. He'll just knock up.

He'll be like, hey, can I fix up your lawn? He's Australian. Wait, does he do it? I've seen American dudes. Oh, I have an Australian guy. He makes it look awesome. Yeah. He's very therapeutic.

For free. You guys need to see. Fuck, I wish I remember what his name was. There's this therapeutic. For free. You guys need to see I fuck I wish I remember what his name was. There's this guy that does the window he tries to do window washing and

he gets denied every time. Really? He's like let me just look around and then he comes back and he's like it's going to be like

$600 and they're like dude we don't want you. He does it and he posts the videos being like still working on my game. Is he a prankster?

No he's being dead serious. It's like devastating to watch. I see him on Instagram. He's never cleaning a window, so those ones are not going to be good. He never gets the job. Oh, it might be this guy.

Hey, boss, how are you? Have you seen us? The good-looking dudes with blue shirts? No. You missed us. We're giving seen us? The good looking dudes with blue shirts? No. You missed us. We're giving a bit of a discount for dudes with glasses. You qualify. Give you a quick price.

I don't like this. I love the setup back there. It's usually $3.09. Comes down to $2.09. We have nine to meet. Okay. We wash everything at the same time. If you have phone number or something that I can call later. It's a job worth doing in a couple months. Okay.

It's a job worth doing in a couple months. If things are worth doing in three months, they're worth doing today. If you call us back, though, it's going to be 309. If we could give you an offer. This guy sucked. He's got like hundreds of these videos. Get off. Why is he leaning on that?

I hate that. Hey, boss, how are you? That guy's Tim the Lawnmower Man. He just does it for free. You got to pull up more of those videos, dude. They're bad. I need more. I don't want to see.

That one's not even the worst one I've seen. Oh, God. Also, I'd be like, is that a phone on my sidewalk? Are you? Yeah, why are you filming this? Hey, boss man, I just wanted to make your life fucking better. I don't like this guy.

Notice you have glasses. We're giving a discount to the former boss. Bro, stand square up straight. Yeah, why is he doing that? There's got to be a psychological thing you read about.

Right, yes. What'll do? Say at least no. No, we're okay, guys. Have you guys had it done in the past? You seem really you read about. Right, yes. What'll do is say at least no. No, we're okay, guys. Have you guys had it done in the past? You seem really skeptical. No, we're just in the middle of lunch. I wouldn't even open the door.

Right. Okay, cool. Enjoy the sandwich or soup, whatever it is. Have a good one. Where's he going? What does his caption say? It's his problem. More. More.

More, I hate him. Caption is the weird thing I say to make $500 a day without a job. That's a job. That's a job, my friend. Yeah, what? Doing something for money. Never get. I don't think I've ever seen one where he actually gets it.

Yeah, does he have any supplies? That would be the worst advertising. It's a TikTok thing where creators will post their fails in hopes of blowing it up and getting that sympathy. Yeah, pity. Can you help my grandma? My dad wrote this book and no one bought it. It's a shitty book, but then 30,000 people do buy it. So it works.

Horrible job. Also, they do the behind the scenes of their videos. And the behind the scenes video always gets like 10 million likes. And then the video that they actually post, it sucks. And it gets like 200 views. But if you're just like a cute old man who works at a wooden table or some shit like that, your daughter will eventually make you a millionaire. Yeah, that's what's happening.

It's kind of, I mean, I respect. Oh, no one came to my dad's birthday. Yeah, it started when the guy made hamburgers for his grandkids. Yeah, that's right. I see a lot of no one came to my kid's birthday, and then it'll get millions of views, and then all the TikTok followers send the kid presents,

and then they do unboxings, and those get tons of views. It's so bad. TikTok is fucked. Yeah, I'm going to do that. And then that kid who's probably, you know, made fun of. Yeah. Go back being like, what do you mean I have the thousands of friends online? Yeah.

I need to try this. None of my parlays hit. Yeah. And like, here, I'll send you $10,000. Or corporations are like, targets like, actually, can you start doing that? Yeah. So sad. None of my parties hit. Can you find Tim the Lawnmower Man?

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Look at this. Good, I've got some good news for you. He's the opposite of the other guy. But it's also because people want to have their lawn mowed. No one's just having lunch being like, you know what, we need to get our windows cleaned. That's something you do yourself. Yeah.

Once every three years. Also, any dude who's got an Australian accent. I've never had a reaction like that. That's beautiful. You're alright. I've never had such kindness. I've got emotional. That's alright. Don't stress at all. Also, cutting a lawn in Australia has to be dangerous as fuck.

Oh yeah. Just a couple scorpions. A couple spiders. Just a tarantula. Just a few spiders here, miss. It's probably a bit cold too. No, it's nothing to do with that. Just a tarantula. Just a few spiders here, miss. It's probably a bit cold, too. No, it's nothing to do with that. No? It's just the gratitude.

All right, thanks, Margaret. I'll get into it. Thank you. Sorry, you're the scariest. Hey, we're going to see him actually do it. That's the best part. I've seen his. I've seen him before now.

Yeah, he's awesome. I've seen him before now. How does he make money? Yeah, he's good. Yeah. What the fuck? Sorry, I can't do your lawn after. His Instagram videos are...

He just goes in most people's lawns. It's fucking awesome. This guy rules. It's a good one showing the demand. People need him. Yeah. He's fucking awesome. This guy rules. It's a good one showing the demand. People need him. He's just spray painting it green. Looks like it. It's in reverse.

He's burning the fuck out of it. If you had a kid who rolled around in that, it'd be great. I'm sure it's something. I'm sure there's some sort of... But how do you think he makes money? He creates a demand, and people are like, oh, I saw the good job you did.

I don't know how that spreads locally. I know there's a guy in the U.S. who does this, and his videos go viral, and he asks for donations so he can keep... His big thing is helping people who clearly are in distress. And he mows their lawns and then he asks for donations. He gets a ton of them. It's also just very therapeutic watching someone perfectly manicure a lawn.

It's like a Japanese garden. Just seeing it be right. One of his Instagram videos, he did a big one where he was just like, just watch it. That and rug cleaners. You ever seen the rug cleaners? I don't know how those rugs are made. They're dirty.

That shit dropped in like Vanta Black. Remember ever seen the rug cleaners? I don't know how those rugs are made. They're dirty. That shit dropped in like Vantablack. Remember we did the whole thing with the coal factory? It was at the coal store. There's no coal store. I found this rug at the coal store. It was always at the store. It was just jet black. Jet black.

May look awesome. You would have to. The coal store. Do people keep dropping coal on it? And if you have a coal store, don't have a white rug. Yeah. That's rule number one. How do they even know what's underneath?

Yeah, that's true. What if they just... Yeah. Look at this shit. How dirty that rug is. What if it was a swastika? Yeah. Yeah.

With the cameras. Oh, fuck. This shit is therapeutic, though. And once they get it clean, it's still not even a little bit clean. Like, they're going to do so much more to this rug even after they've done this. Everyone just scooping out black gunk. I feel like the products and the time it takes to do this. Buy a new rug.

Buy a new rug. Buy a new rug. Buy a new rug. Yeah, a rug's a little cheaper then. But I think they're doing it. For the likes, yeah. Or like to sell rugs maybe. Are rugs expensive? Yeah.

I never bought a rug. Rugs are pricey. Good rug. Rugs are like, some rugs are $2,000. Really? I've stepped on $10,000 rugs, not even at rich people's houses. I got to buy all this new shit for my apartment I hope you got rug money saved

I'm about to have no money saved I have to ask for a raise again A little birthday raise Did you see the guy who put He had a push mower And he put a stake in the middle of his lawn Tied the push mower to a stake Turned it on and it just did perfect circles and it

wrapped all the way around until it mowed his lawn for him. I'm surprised mowing the lawn. There's got to be better. I'm surprised no one's come up with a... Like a Roomba. Yeah. I'm sure there is. Sass, maybe I'll buy you a rug for your birthday.

Pretty cool. It's going to be a little dirty. Very dirty. Yeah. Maybe when you guys all move to Chicago, I'll just take this rug. Just have them rip it up and I'll put it in. Not too fast, Sass. People are going to be using this rug.

Oh, shit. This is going to be very used. This is a good, this is a durable rug. Yeah, we've built on this. It's true. I think there's piss shit in. Yeah. Puke. Pu, we... None of shit we've built on this. It's true. Very weird stains. I think there's... Yeah.

Puke. Puke. A lot of puke. Isn't that not a rug? That's a carpet, right? It is a carpet. It is a carpet. You get a black light.

No. This carpet could talk. Yeah. Yeah. Someone's probably fucking jizzed on it. These... You think there's jizz? Probably Danny.

Where's Danny at? Oh, Danny's jizzed. In this office? One more Jersey Shore cast member comes in. You think people have fucked in the office? Yes. Yes. Yeah? No Oh, Danny. In this office. One more Jersey Shore cast member comes in. You think people have fucked in the office? Yes. Yes. No people have fucked in the old office.

Yes. Yeah, because there was just a rope on the fucking beanbag chair. Couch downs? There's a rope on a beanbag chair? Oh, there was definitely a beanbag chair. Well, the old office, people, because we had the 10 to midnight show on Sirius back then at the old office, and I would get done at 10 to midnight show on Sirius back then at the old office. And I would get done at midnight and it would just be like me and Radio Brand.

And there would always be people. You guys would just fuck. No, it would just be me and Radio Brand and we would just fuck. Another good show. Congrats. Besides that, that's where coworkers would come back from the bars and they would bring girls. And they would bring because late at night no one was there and there was always people and i would like there was times where i like put blankets over people who were passed out on the couches like like

members of the st louis blues yes yp would be down there with like a keg i promise you that was one of the people that i i'm pretty sure forgot about that yeah that was right before i started i went into the office thinking that would be the life because you guys were all talking about like you know bringing back talkie teams to party there we weren't all playing it was on barstool radio i remember like tex was bringing back dudes to play cornhole even and like the first thursday that i came and worked at barstool they were like yeah we like hang out on fucking Thursdays or whatever. It gets rowdy. And I think that like the week after that, it stopped. I don't think I was ever

there for like they deadass had like full kegs. Yeah. Every now and then there'd be late at night. I would get done and there'd be like just a lot of people partying in the office. It would suck because we would try to be doing like PMT on a Thursday and there'd be a full blown party. Yeah. There was only that one

little shitty podcast studio and like a fucking tiny ass door to a fire staircase where you could look out the back and you'd see the full cast of Ratatouille around so many rats. So many rats.

That one place around the corner that just had like it was like 400 rats. They would just sit under that staircase, run back and forth. Yes, I do remember. It's fucking gross. Rats are pretty smart. Rats are super smart. New York has like an adopt a rat program now, right?

What? I would adopt a rat and kill it. Brutally. Sass, this is your 400th rat you've adopted this year. You're a hero. I fucking hate rats.

They disgust me. If they didn't have tails, I would not be nearly as disgusted with them. That's true. They need to do a rebrand. Those tails are like,

they're like hot dogs. Yeah. They're so thick. And like, squirrels are like the same thing, but they're fuzzy. Yeah. Yeah, fur're so thick. And the squirrels are like the same thing, but they're fuzzy. Yeah, fur on the tail.

This is how the Germans justified killing Jewish people. If they're noses. Yeah. Hey, you know what? You're right. We could just trim them down a little bit. There's an account that I follow that I think you would love, Sass. It's just these dogs killing rats. You need to go back in time and show Hitler 21 Jump Street.

Yeah. Them doing car radio in Manila at the mall. What? Them performing the song Car Radio at Manila in the mall who Hitler who'd you say we were talking about Hitler

Adolf Hitler show him what real stinker 21 Jump Street oh fuck I was thinking 21 Pilots Jesus Christ

but that makes sense too right because the way they perform, people back then would have no idea. I was saying because Kanye saw 21 Jump Street and he was like, I don't hate Jewish people anymore. Yeah.

That was a Kanye thing. I was thinking of their back flips and the antics of the masks. The turn back time. I take it back. I would rather do that. What was their car radio in Manila? That was embarrassing.

No, bro. Manila just showed out. They were bumping. Manila always shows up. Showing Manila in the mall. I didn't know Hitler did a show. And they showed out. He was doing backflips.

21. I've watched that Norm MacDonaldDonald Hitler bit like a thousand times. The one where he... He's like a bad guy. Yeah. Hold the phone. He eats Jews. I didn't even know he was sick.

Watch these dogs, dude. These fucking Paterdale Terriers. Oh, they just get rats? Oh, there's... Oh, my God. I don't want to watch that at all. Roan! Is that just a little puppy?

Roan! Roan, why are you following that at all. Is that just a little puppy? Why are you following that? That is some scorpion shit. I would sass like that. It wasn't a human being. Watch this rat get eaten alive. I thought we were all just talking about how we hate rats. I don't want to watch one. Suddenly you don't want to see them.

You don't want to see how your food gets made. You guys love how chicken tastes, but you don't want to see them get food gets made. You guys love how chicken tastes, but you don't want to see them get their heads popped off. All right, let's watch a little more. Yeah, let's watch more. I don't care. Listen to that, because he puts them over. This shit is OD violent.

We're waiting for the stream to take it down for watching this. Ron, are you just having, like, right before you go to bed, this way to relax, just watch some Rats Cover? I swear to God god the guy puts on dmx songs and this guy just lets these patterdale terriers go in the bronx and the projects and they just this is an infestation you guys are cool with fucking bugs getting killed war dogs what a great here it is this is gonna get us interstricted pretty much immediately followed by adam for Followed by Adam Ferron. Rowan, you also posted a video of some four-year-old throwing down a well the other day.

I said that I hate that this is what Twitter is. You reposted it. What was it? You quote tweeted it. Wait, what was it? No, you are right. Yeah, I am right. You're fully in the right there.

You're right, but it gave me nightmares forever. What was it? It was a kid killing another kid. No, no, the kid didn't even break a single bone. The kid was fine. But it's like a seven-year-old sister picks up her four-year-old brother in China and drops him down a well. Dude, if it's a video from a high vantage point and you see that it's China, turn it off. Yes.

Turn it off. CCTV shit. Good God. If you see a Chinese person on an escalator, turn it off. Turn it off. Turn it off. That's true. Like a 12-lane highway. I've never seen a Chinese person get off an escalator.

Yeah. If they're in a smelting factory. Oh, my God. Like a tire is just bouncing down a road. They're at a bus stop. Oh, my God. There's a security camera footage of them on a bus. It will explode. That bus is going bus stop. Oh, my God. There's a security camera footage of them on a bus. It will explode.

That bus is going to explode. Big van backing up. Oh, no. It's not going to just go in reverse. If it's filmed from eye level, watch the video. A little bit high. Oh, a rotary? Oh, yeah.

This kid only got a cold. That's the only thing that happened to him. Only got a cold? Yeah, he got dropped in a car. Oh, he already had the cold. Yeah, he only got a cold. He didn the only thing that happened to him. Only got a cold? Yeah, he got dropped in a car. Oh, he already had the cold. Yeah, he only got a cold. He didn't break any bones. He didn't die.

But his sister was diabolical. She literally died devilish, diabolical. I saw him. He went to the hospital. He got on the elevator. That's what. There was no car in the elevator. Just dropped down the shaft.

Folded. Just hat like hanging in the air. Driving and hits a roundabout and you're like, oh God. That's so fucking funny. So true. You just see it.

If you see a Russian font and it's like, oh, here's a factory. No. You just see, yeah, you see the, a random tire

just fucking going a million miles an hour. It's like, well. Do you see the tire fuck up that car? A tire popped off a truck and the car just went off a catapult. It's like, well. Do you see the tire fuck up that car? A tire popped off a truck. The car just went off a catapult. It looked like they were filming

a Jerry Bruckheimer. Yeah. It was awesome. Play this video where someone dies. Oh, no, no, no. The driver was unhurt, I saw. I guarantee you he had a bruise. I'm sure he had a bruise.

And the worst part is you're in a fucking PT Cruiser. Oh my God. Oh. That can just happen. Yeah. Oh, and then the tire comes for some more. Thought I was done, bitch.

Oh my God. And you have to be like, yeah, I was driving a PT Cruiser. It is crazy that we just all trust each other on the road. No, I don't like even thinking about it. I was thinking about that yesterday morning. I was driving a ride to the Houston airport from Louisiana, and it was like 5 in the morning. I was so tired, and I was like.

That's a shitty drive. I kind of want to close my eyes. The fact that you're 16 when you're allowed to leave, you drive a PT. I never got that. Because when you're that age, you drive? I never got that. When you're that age, you're like, I can drive. Then my younger sister got her license and I was like, this is fucking horrifying.

She is bad at driving. They just want to go really, really fast. I used to speed like crazy. Driving shouldn't be a thing that you have to get good at. When you get your license, you should be a good driver. You should make sure you're good.

Yeah. She's like, yeah, I drove a good car. Just learning on the road. I'll get there. Yeah. Well, the olds, too. Oh. I had an older relative ping pong off every car on her street before.

Finally, we're like, you're done. All my friends now have that secondary attachment. So it's not the aux cord. It's like secondary attachment so it's like not the aux cord it's like this little box and then it's the aux cord and you can just like play Netflix on like your navigation.

Oh yeah dude I got an Uber in my hand. Everybody has one. Dude was just watching the Yankees. Yeah. Like literally in the front seat

watching the Yankees. That makes being an Uber driver seem fun as hell. I know. Just watch all TV programs. If you have a nice car like maybe some mood lighting. Some snacks.

You're just chilling. What do you think truckers are doing in those big rigs? Playing video games. They're doing video games of them trucking. Yeah, they're doing simulators. It's not enough to get the real thing. Simulators as they drive simultaneously.

So funny It is dangerous out there Yeah Yeah driving scares the fuck out of me And then there's like that Like when people Is this real? So that guy isn't moving

It's a simulator It's a video game Oh wow That shit looks real That looks real as hell And he was swinging it I mean The amount you have to swing off

You're not My first thing that I would do Is I would just drive it as fast as I can into a tree. Yeah, crash straight into a tree. Crash into a house. Crash into Stephen Chay's house. Dude, GTA for me was just a suicide scenario. Yeah.

It was how fast can you die. No, it's how fast can you kill as many people as possible. And then try and get away. Oh. Oh. See, that doesn't blow up as... I'd want a real crash. You just do a hand signal

to the simulator? To the simulator and he's like, back up? I could see me being like, sorry, sorry. Excuse me, sorry. You? Yeah. Oh, he's going. Oh,'s going why is he doing this i back it up road rage that is a weird part about being in like texas louisiana like

there was a moment where i haunted some guy i I was like this guy probably has a gun. 100%. Yeah. Just road rage. You always used to get a story and in Driver's Ed they would tell this guy would tell a story about like road rage and then they pulled over

and the dude like some dude like shot him with a crossbow. Jesus. Yeah. That kind of plays though. Jesus. It's harder to kill someone with a crossbow. Right.

So you're upping it. I feel like it would hurt way more. Yeah I think so to kill someone with a crossbow. Right. So you're upping it. I feel like it would hurt way more. Yeah, I think so. Getting shot with a gun. An arrow? Yeah. Yeah. How do you even get that out?

You probably got to just push it through, right? All the way through? I don't know. You can't because it has the fucking things. Yeah, you can't. No, but I mean, it's not like a Native American stone-tipped arrow. It's like a metal tip. Oh, shit.

Yeah, you're right. Yeah, you're actually very right. I don't know why I was thinking of that. But I think the crossbows are even, like, probably trigger-operated. Yeah, they are. Yeah, that's what a crossbow is. There was a mafia guy in New York

I feel like you used to have to hold it. Say again, Kate? A mafia guy in New York, that was, like, his thing, was killing people with crossbows. Crossbow bandits. Yeah. Because you can't carry.

I just think he killed too many times and he got bored, he's like, I'm going to start using a crossbow. That is different. He was called the Iceman. Fuck. That is kind of sweet. That's right. It's a cool name. Yeah.

Iceman. Badass. Yeah. I am dangerous, Iceman. This guy gets one sip of high noon. Oh, he does. You bit it? He makes a bite noise.

You got a sip of high noons? Yeah. Need one? I don't like you because you're dangerous. That's right. Kyle, keep one for yourself, too. You want grapefruit? Yeah, give me grapefruit.

You go talk to your friends. Oh, my God. It's baseball season. Shoestring Nicky. Nicky, I saw your guy Huggy Bear. Dana Holgerson's house. He just came. Are they still hung out?

Yeah. That's good to hear. It was awesome. It was kind of a messy falling out for Dana and Morgan. Yes, yes. But he just looks awesome. He's just drinking whiskey. Yeah.

Stud. He's chugging it. He's in the best shape he's ever been. Ever. What were the meals that you ate on this weekend? I always love the sports meals, sports weekend meals. We did Mexican food one night that was very good. What'd you get at the Mexican spot?

They just gave us the food. Like they were like, don't, because there was like 15 of us. Don't order? They just brought out a bunch. It was a platter. Someone's abuelita was just coming. Miguel, you're a chimichangas. No, I'm a fajitas guy.

Oh. Always. Always. I love a chimichanga. You're probably thinking of, you're probably sensing it. That someone around you loved a chimichanga. Yeah, that was it. That's you?

That was me. I would have paid you as a cheese quesadilla guy. Both sides. Oh, Brady. I'm puffed. I did. Don't fucking play with me. Eating on the road just destroy you.

Oh, yeah. Oh, it's anything I eat. I could have a salad, and for some reason, because I flew that day, it's just coming straight out. Well, it's also like we just eat shit the whole time. Yeah. I think it's the pressure changes from the airplane that liquefies my poop. I don't remember

last time I went on the road and didn't have just the worst diarrhea of all time. Every time is the worst. And you text us every time you have diarrhea. Text you guys all the time. It's the worst. Going through something personal on the toilet right now. That's my go-to line. LaGuardia is legitimately the nicest airport. I don't know what the fuck happened. It's insane. It used to be the toilet right now. That's my go-to line. LaGuardia is legitimately the nicest airport in the world.

Yeah, I don't know what the fuck happened. It's insane. It used to be the worst by far. And it's... Dude, the security. It's incredible. I want to hang out when I land. Yeah.

I should be going home. I do that. I've done that. I've gone to the Delta Lounge when I get there and just have like some bisque. Just have a fucking soup and some shrimp. It's awesome. It is.

It's very nice. But it's a little bit too much walking now. It used to be like you get there. It's a lot of walking. You're just right there. Now it's like a minute walk. 15 minutes though. He says the time too.

And I'm like, I'm 15 minutes from my gate. Oh, yeah. I get there like four hours early. So I'm changing gates. So I have 15,000 steps before I depart. Your gate changes seven times. And then you're like the walkway is busy

with people so you try to walk around it and you're walking twice as fast so you can try and be faster than the people on the walkway who are standing still. And I always glance. I always give them a hard time. We're in fucking New York now. Speed up. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. When you land in New York, you've got to turn into a different person. You have to be a demon. Yeah. You have to be flying through like a dimension. It is crazy. Yeah. As soon as you land in New York.

You can't touch the ground. You have to go back in. You have to be an asshole to people. You've got to go right back to it. As I do, like when people are on the left side of the escalator, like I get a little, like I know you know better. A little Chinese want to kill somebody. Right.

Do you guys take the walking escalator? Or do you, you know, the one that just moves? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I don't want to get stuck behind someone who stands on it. Yeah. You just give them a little beep beep.

Do you say beep beep? Yeah. I think that my airport anger peaks. I'd kill you. Yeah. You guys do down in front. I was I was. Oh God.

I do that for games. We were when we went to the game on Saturday I had to sit in the last row. You were so far away. So far away. Why were you so far back? I was insane.

It was crazy. You were a mile away from the court. We were just laughing about the idea that they play these in football stadiums so we just did like odds or even see one person has to sit in the last row.

That's hilarious. But I was down in front of people in the last row. That's hilarious. Down in front. I get down in fronted. Dude, that's the tip off right there. See it? That's insane.

You are so far away. That is hilarious. Did you truly see any of that or did you have to watch it? Oh, I was watching it, yeah. There was a few times where the ball went in and I didn't think it did. I was like,

that wasn't a made shot. Did you score? Yeah. Did anybody recognize you all the way up there? There were a few stoolies. Yeah. That must have rocked for them

because they had... Oh, that's stool in heaven up there. Yeah. They're all back there. One of them are up front. Tickets were so cheap, I bought... I accidentally bought tickets

for the championship game, too. So it was three games for 75 bucks. Oh, that's awesome. What? Really? Jesus. That's out in front. We're so far back.

Wait, that's insane. That's a blur. How big is the stadium? It's a football stadium. Where the Texans play. Oh, really? Yeah. It is crazy they do the Final Four there.

And the field, like a football field, is much bigger than a basketball field. Much bigger. Like it's a postage stamp comparatively. I liked my seats up there. Yeah, got a nacho half basketball. Oh, so you could keep the bowl. I was confused by the bowl. I thought you brought it from home.

That's a ton of cheese. That's gross. It's one of those things I bought because I was like, oh, this would be funny if I'm eating this and then I just ate the whole thing. Liquid stadium cheese always tastes like vomit. It's never good. I love it. I know, but you always eat the whole thing.

That looks good. That's why your poop is liquid. I don't eat that stuff. You're eating only liquids. I don't eat it. It is weird, actually. If I drink these, I don't have bad shits. I think it's a gluten thing.

No, it's the malt. There is no malt. That's what I mean, the fact that there's no malt. Oh, yeah. It's up in his butt. Is there gluten in these? I don't think there's Is there gluten in these? I don't think there's gluten in these

Probably not Yeah I think it's a gluten thing We had some crawfish too So good Pinched the head Were you here with Mincy Eating the crab? Yeah you were here for that

When he dinged it Yeah Oops Something kind of embarrassing And somewhat gross Happened to me yesterday I almost had to go to the hospital What? At night yeah That is gross Gas Kind of embarrassing and somewhat gross happened to me yesterday. I almost had to go to the hospital.

What? At night, yeah. That is gross. Gas. What? It's like horrific. Yeah. Crippling gas. A lot of people think they're having a heart attack when they have some gas.

It was so bad. Writhing in pain for hours. What do you mean? I know what you mean, too. I had a very serious conversation with my wife on multiple occasions in different hours being like, should we go to the hospital? Where did you get it, Shay? Was it in your chest?

Entire, like, my stomach was swollen. Yeah, I've gotten that a lot. What did you eat? Nothing. I had cereal all day. I had some candy and that's it. You probably shouldn't call me. I almost asked for advice because I figured that you might have gone through something like this.

What the fuck? Oh, dude, I'm a man. I poop. Being in any stomach pain, Big Cat's definitely had this before. So what ended up happening? Did you fart? I got whatever. Gas X? That and then one other like Pepto or something like that

and slept it off. It was real bad. Dude, I've had it when I physically, like I can barely breathe. I remember when I was younger, I had to miss school for like multiple days because it was like, it was all in my chest. I had gas in my chest.

It's a real thing. Go off, yeah. It's a real thing. Yeah, we're giving you this. It's a real thing. Oh, it yeah. It's a real thing. Yeah, we're giving you this. It's a real thing. No, it is. And I couldn't lay down because it hurt too much. So, Steven, your story really, you went through nothing compared to what Sass did.

I'm just saying, Che, I know what you mean. I've had that before. It's fucking awful. You sound like straws called windies that you can put up your butthole. Mostly for kids, but to get up there and reach the farts and let the farts out. What's the difference between a Windy and a regular straw? Probably nothing. Oh, no.

Give it a whirl. On Instagram. I've been drinking out of big straws in my house for a while now. Yeah, you're drinking out of your kid's window. TSA gives you anxiety, though? No, anger. Oh. Why? TSA gives you anxiety though? No, anger Oh, why?

That's when people move the dumbest The most confused Yeah, they can't follow There's a big difference They're the most overwhelmed and it's so frustrating It's happened a few times But yesterday the TSA agent was like What's up Big Cat? Do you think if I had a gun they'd let me through?

Yes Sick gun Big Cat I Do you think if I had a gun they'd let me through? Yes. Yes. It's a gun, Big Cat. Yeah. I'll just retweet. Yeah, I'll give you a retweet. I'll give you a job. Yeah.

300 souls. Oh, God. One retweet. What is it about aircrafts that make them souls? They call them souls? I don't know. Yeah. That's what they say.

They say you have 300 souls on this flight. You guys watch the documentary about the Malaysian flight? Yeah. I started it, and then it was just like families crying. Okay, so I was talking about this. I was talking about this. It was crazy to me how long it took them to announce that everyone had died. Yeah.

It took them three weeks to say that there was a crash. Right. And then the families all, like, break down crying. It's like, how did they not know... They were dead. ...that the plane crashed? I don't know. I remember looking for it.

They were hoping for probably, like, a fucking desert island wave. What do you mean they didn't know? Wasn't it live? Wasn't it covered live? Oh, it disappeared. The plane disappeared. And they didn't know. Wasn't it live? Wasn't it covered live? The plane disappeared. The plane disappeared. And they didn't announce.

Obviously, everyone knew. Though they didn't announce they were officially dead. What did they do? They didn't recover any bodies. They didn't recover any parts of the plane. Because it was like, it turns out it was like 6,000 miles. He turned off the beacon, and then where he took it was like 6,000 miles from where they thought it was going to be. I looked in the ocean for like two days. You were pouring over the atlas.

Every little piece. Yeah, you cracked up in an atlas and were looking. Could it be here? Are they still looking for this? No. What happened with the, they found a wing of the plane, but someone brought it there? Wait, did the guy commit suicide so what I read they

went they went through his computer and they found he was doing simulated flights and they found a flight that almost matched exactly

what where they wound up so he just turned off everything and went and crashed it and they say he was up in the plane and he turned off the pressure cabin in the back

basically killed everybody everyone was dead and he had the plane to himself and he just fucking that part freaks me the fuck out. Did you guys know that? That's like the German

Wings guy. Remember that guy? Yes. Wait, did you guys know that when they turn off the pressure and the oxygen masks come out, it's only enough oxygen for 15 minutes, and the pilot has like three hours of oxygen? Well, isn't the pure oxygen just for acceptance? I learned that from, I think, Fight Club.

Fight Club, yeah. Oh, my God. I don't know. Yeah, they just like- Yeah, the scariest thing ever. The German wings guys say what? He just kills the oxygen. He waited for his co-pilot to go take a piss.

And then he locks the door and then just went right in. Where's that button? That's what I think this guy did. You can't get in. Even the flight attendants have to knock because of 9-11. Yeah, but where's the button for, like, the oxygen? Yeah, the kill everyone button. Yeah.

That button, there's no reason for that button to exist. No. What scenario are you like, we got to kill all the oxygen in the main cabin? It's right next to and, like, looks just like the landing. Maybe it's just like they, like, yeah, maybe they just, like, open a fucking hatch or some shit. That's so scary. They never found anything? They never found, like, a fucking hatch or some shit. That's so scary. They never found anything. They never found like the black box or anything.

All they have is his computer. Pacific Ocean is pretty big. Yeah. His computer is like the biggest clue. Yeah. It's fucking crazy. So is there like a, how does the documentary end? I didn't want, this was again an article I read.

Oh, nice. Well, I watched half an episode of the documentary. I watched 10 minutes. I stopped. Because, I watched half an episode of the documentary. I watched 10 minutes. Yeah. Because they were literally like, they started the documentary. I was like, this is going to be interesting

to find out what happened. And then it was just like some family is like, yeah, our dad went on. It's pretty dark. Went for business and never came back. I was like, I'm out.

I was just shocked at how long it took them to announce it. Yeah. I feel like that would kind of be like a... Yeah. Within 24 hours. They couldn't even figure out where it went.

Everyone just started playing in real time. They're like, oh, it's like lost. They're somewhere on an island. The Boeing one is horrifying. What's that one? Oh, were they new? The one about all the Boeing planes that were crashing. Yeah.

It was the 737 MAX. Yeah. Pilots are like refusing to even like use those well trump was the one that grounded all of them yeah and then they had to the pilots still to fly them back to like airports and they were like this is fucked but it was like they had this thing called the mcast system and it was literally it was all controlled by this like one tiny antenna sticking out of the side of the plane and the antenna happened four times it breaks and then the mcast system got fucked up and basically what the mcast system does it like it it puts the plane i think in a steady uh incline and it breaks so then it the the system like triggers and it fucks up so it it forces the plane to nosedive oh like to go down

it's like the last thing you want. So they would, like, fight it. So, like, all of a sudden, the plane would be, like, taking off. It all happened, like, right off takeoff. And they'd be, like, they'd be going up, and all of a sudden, they'd start going down, and the pilots would be pulling it back up,

and basically, like, every single pattern, it's, like, up, down, up, down, until eventually it happens. It lasts for, like, 20 minutes. And then it crashes? And it crashes. Yeah, all four of them. Like, everybody. And there down, until eventually it happens. It lasts for like 20 minutes. And then it crashes? And it crashes. Yeah, all four of them. Like everybody.

And there's literally nothing. Boeing knew. Yeah, Boeing knew and they didn't do anything. You were hiding. You always know. Yeah. Did you see the perspective? I saw it on Twitter yesterday of a pilot flying at night through a snowstorm.

Yeah, I saw that. Yeah. It looks like fucking Star Wars. Yeah. Can I see that? I would never want to be a pilot. Fuck. Like a screensaver.

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Just become one yourself. Holy shit. Oh, hell no. Yeah, don't like that. That's all they see. Why don't they put their windshield wipers on? Yeah. It's funny they have their lights on, though. Yeah, I don't like that. That's all they see. Why don't they put their windshield wipers on? Yeah. It's funny they have their lights on, though.

Yeah. Like Santa Claus. Yeah. I thought snowstorms were easy to fly through. It's like a big pool. I don't like that. It's crazy that regular people can just be like, yeah, I think I'll try flying.

Yeah. Just like rich dudes. Just like rich guys. Ken State. It's crazy that regular people can just be like, yeah, I think I'll try flying. Yeah. Just like rich dudes. Ken State. It's a hobby. Or like Marshall. Well, there's neighborhoods where the neighborhoods are an airport and they can park their planes at their own houses. What?

John Travolta lives at one. There's a bunch of them. And everybody has their own little planes. And it's like, oh, Saturday morning, I think we'll go out for a flight. And they hop in their plane attached like, attached to their house. Isn't that how John Denver died? He was flying. Yeah.

It was fun. A lot of rock stars used to die. John Denver had, like, DUIs in planes. That's badass. Awesome. Yeah. Then he just sailed it into a mountain. I watched a YouTube video not too long ago of, like of this teenager who drove to Texas from Florida to buy

a one-person plane and he flew it home. It was like, fuck that. That plane's small. I had a dude hit me up who was like, I think he was in the military or some shit, and he was like, you want to come see one of these military planes, whatever they are, the F

22s or some shit, I forget what they're called. And then he retracted the offer after the last case race. Or redacted, I don't know. What happened in the last case race? He hated me. Oh. He said, no more. Oh, that's his loss.

I said, hey, buddy, I wasn't going to do it to begin with. Fuck him. Yeah. Fuck that guy. I wouldn't care. I wouldn't want to see. What branch is he in? Air Force?

Probably Navy. Gay. Gay. Gay-ass Navy Air Force? Probably Navy. Gay. Gay. Gay-ass Navy, dude. Weak. Gay. Oh, is this a sugar-free Red Bull? Whoa.

Happy birthday, man. Hey, happy birthday from all of us. Happy birthday, brother. Four kombuchas. What? Is that what it is? Oh, no. That's not our order.

I don't think this is ours. That's not us. Who got that? What's the name on that? You got four kombuchas. That's not us. What is the name on that receipt? That's not our order. I don't think this is us. That's not us. Who got that? What's the name on that? That's not us. We're kombucha. That's not us. What is the name on that receipt?

That's a third floor. That's got to be a third floor. What's the name on the receipt? Wait, what the fuck? Devin. Yeah, so that's not. Never. Why are we?

Why did this end up here? I think it's delivered, so maybe it's outside. Devin's just upstairs. More like hard kombuchas it looks like. The third floor gets wild. They do. I think they're just getting fucked up all the time. You see Feitz's blog about the golf. That email is insane.

Yeah. Are we going? Yeah, I mean it sounds lovely. I already had some baklava. There's already a little bit of a divide. I went up for my baklava and they're like, oh, like you're not scared of us third floor people? And they guilt me into, I don't know, being nice to them?

Eating their baklava? Yeah, what? It wasn't even like a dessert baklava. It was like a fucking spinach stuffed baklava. Nah. Might not even be baklava, to be honest. Spankatopia. Maybe the guy just gave you the wrong bag.

Let's have the kombucha. Did you ever get into kombucha? Oh, yeah, I did. Yeah, I got really into it for a while. Nah. I'm surprised. I don't like I don't like liquid.

It's hard. I didn't really fuck with the solids at the bottom either. The mother? Separation's natural. Ew, yeah. You gotta drink the mother. Is that what it is?

Yeah, or that's what it is in regular kombucha. I don't know about hard. Is there a mother in... It's supposed to be really good for you. Is it good for your gut? Yeah, yeah. It's a lot of living organisms. Healthy bacteria.

Jay, I actually have a... I'll send you this. I take a vitamin every day for my stomach, and I think that would help you with it. It helps me with the gas stuff. This was, I feel like it was a one time, like I feel pretty okay today.

It's not a one time thing. It's just an affliction that I have to deal with for the rest of my life. Yes. Damn. That's tough to hear. Yeah. I think I dress like a slob most of the time because certain clothes, like I remember I've been in a couple of bridesmaid dresses that certain clothes will give you a gas bubble.

Me and Nick were talking about how I wear shirts were just like boxes. Yeah, you can't party with that. There's nothing touching your skin. I don't want my shirts to move. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. All my shirts are just Instagram ads now. Yeah, I saw you did an Instagram.

You did an ad. Yeah, you're a t-shirt guy now. Yeah, I saw you did an Instagram. You did an ad. Yeah, you're a t-shirt guy now. I got fucking tricked into that. A t-shirt. Yeah, man. It really highlights the shoulders, and it tapers off on the waist. Well, that was it. Oh, no.

You did one of those? You did one of those? I did. I got a slow-mo of you pulling it. Oh, no. I know the guy who created it and invested in it

and then at Super Bowl they're like, hey, you want to come by the party? So we went by and then they're like, hey, you want to sit down real quick

and just talk about the shirt? And the next thing you know, I was like, no. Yeah, you can't say no. You can see I'm kind of like half hungover. I feel like that's how people end up.

Like, we're kind of fucked up. Like, I'm not like three, two, one, go. A bunch of people were tagging me in that Because I did a video making fun of those ads Yeah But yeah I did like a full circle now

I just love those ads Where they're like All the exact same Oh because I get targeted in all of them It's like are you tired of like having your gut show This shirt will make you not look fat And your arms will pop Those ones,

you guys know, you guys know the, I forget what the brand is, but it's those dudes and they do like comedy ones. Yeah. And they're like, they'll be like,

what is it, true, I guess I probably shouldn't say, but some t-shirt brand. And, yeah, those videos suck. They're like,

I'm so, he's like, I'm so fat. And they're like, you're not fat, it's your shirt. Yeah, yeah,

yeah. It's like, no he is. And then they always like, you're not fat, it's your shirt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, no, he is. And then they always show a guy who's ripped at the end. Yeah, exactly. Wearing the shirt. Ripped abs. Yeah. Yeah, like, look how it hides your stomach.

I'm a guilt hand, man. Dude, I'm the heaviest. I need the heaviest shirt. If they have a new one that has, like, a hammer on the logo. The heavy one. Yeah. 10 ounces, right? Yeah.

KB, you had that Carhartt shirt on yesterday. I was thinking about just buying a bunch of those. Yeah, and it has the front pocket on it that hides your bad titty. Yeah. Is it good? Yeah. Yeah, you should get it. They should make dual pocket shirts.

What? Yeah. I think they do. They do? Or tittied up kinks. We need to make tittied men shirts. Also, KB, you were wearing a gray shirt yesterday, which is the ultimate fit guy move. Yeah.

If I wore a gray shirt, it just highlights all of my crevices. Really? Yeah. It was a risk because I sweat a lot. No, but the shirt's big enough, though. I don't think your armpit's pinching. Yeah, it's true. It is big, yeah. What are the cool guys? What are the shirts

this summer? Oh, great question. Oh, yeah, here it is. I don't know. What are we doing with our socks and shoes this summer? Ladies and gentlemen, Ebony. Are you guys like, do you wear ankle socks in the summer? What are we doing with our socks? I don't know.

That's all you. Hennessy? Yeah. Look, I got you a cake, too, that totally melted. Oh, my God. Oh. Well, that stinks. Well I got an ice cream cake so that was probably a mistake.

What is that? Look. Jesus Christ. Everybody take a handful. Just a pinch of cake. Alright see now that's fine. It's a good cake. Eat it up sassy.

Oh I'm okay. I've actually never been like a cake cake. Eat it up, Sassy. Oh, I'm okay. No, no, no. I've actually never been like a cake guy. Oh, wow. Four? Thank you. Oh, wow. Eight?

Wow, eight. There's a little chocolate on it. That's right. I threw it kind of short. I threw it a little short. Slipped. I'm actually pumped for this. Can I get one?

Yeah, of course, bro. Spread the wealth. Happy birthday, Sass. And I guess Kyle? You know who I saw last night? Who? Bill Burr. Oh, yeah, he did the... The Patrice show.

No, I didn't go. I went to the after party, and I didn't know he was there, and I bumped into him, and I turned around and I said, holy shit, I'm so sorry, and he was like, oh, it's all right, man,

and I looked and it was Bill Burr, and I was like holy shit, I'm so sorry. And he was like, oh, it's all right, man. And I looked and it was Bill Burr. And I was like. Imagine if I made that noise. Screamed like Roan. Yeah. What's up, dude? How's it going? How was the after party?

Must have been fun. It was a good time, yeah. I got really drunk. I threw up a lot. Threw up a lot there. Really? It must have been fun. It was a good time, yeah. I got really drunk. I threw up a lot. I threw up a lot there. Really? Yeah. Oh, no. And then I introduced myself to the manager, who I've known for over a year.

Oh, God. Like, friendly with. I was like, hey, nice to meet you. Were they doing stand-up there or not? I was just hanging out. Where was it? The stand. That's your spot.

That's awesome. It was fun. Let's go to some shows at the stand tonight. Yeah. I like that place. Yeah, it's really fun. Yeah, it really is. Everyone there is so nice.

The staff and everything is great. The drinks are good. The food is good. Yeah. Food is really good. Are you going out tonight? Yeah, it's like legit. Oh, yeah.

I got two shows tonight. Where? The stand. Oh. It's the only comedy club I've ever been to where the food is actually good. Do you have any birthday jokes? Good birthday jokes? Hey, it's my birthday, guys.

Any like inside jokes or references or hand gestures with the other comics that are often there? Oh, no. You go off the stage and I'm like, how do you like warn someone about a bad crowd? I say they suck. They suck. Thank you. Is it tourists at the stand? Would you want to hear that going up? Yeah. You want to know? Is it just tourists at the stand? Would you want to hear that going up?

Yeah. You want to know? Is it just tourists at the stand that show up? No, the cellar is a lot of tourists. But the stand is, I'm assuming as well. But the cellar is like, because it's probably the most famous comedy club in the country. Right. So it's like people go to New York and like, oh, we should go to the comedy cellar.

And the cellar is awesome. Like you go there and you're like this is cool there's pictures of like Chris Rock yeah I haven't gotten in I'm like 0 for 4 yeah

if you could get into that swaggy little what's the other place you were getting in I don't know how you the times I've tried to get tickets they're never available

even like a week or two in advance and I tried the tactic they told me to do it I was wait in line for the chance and then my boys were in town two hours wasted.

And then they send you over to the Grizzly Pair, I think. And that's a different comedy club. There was a comedy show happening over there. Yeah, which is really just an open mic. Yeah. It's hard to get tickets to the stand? Go to one of your shows. The shows, they sell

out. I think they're all pretty. I mean, if you want to go to a shows. The shows, they sell out. I think they're all pretty, I mean, if you want to go to a show, you should be able to go. What? You got to buy the tickets beforehand. I don't think there's... Yeah.

Who else is performing tonight? I have no idea. Oh, the Cellar's got a crazy lineup. Right? Yeah. Always. It was like Norman,

Shane. Oh, geez. A couple people on one show. That's a cake. Pass it. You're going to have some?

No. Come on. No, I'm not a cake guy. It's your birthday cake. You know, it's funny. Last year when I was in Denver for my birthday, we were hanging out with my buddy and his friends, and some girl was going to make a cake. She asked my best friend what cake I like,

and he said strawberry shortcake because he likes strawberry shortcake. Underrated-ass cake. They were like, you love strawberry shortcake, and I was like, I guess. I was like, it's good. Strawberry shortcake's very good. It's very good.

It's fine. It's for, like, your grandma. Great summer cake. You know what I really like is Boston cream pie. See, I don't. I love banana cream. Banana cream pie? That's like...

I had a peach cobbler. Banana goes with... I want to thank you. Banana is a dessert. You know what else I like? It is just on its own. A good slice of carrot cake is good. Yeah.

I had a peach cobbler two nights ago. But what does the carrots actually do in there? Carrots do not need to be? Get the carrots out of everything. The actual, the crunchy. Carrots never do anything. They have the weakest hitters in the world. I dissed carrots once, and their comebacks were lousy.

Oh, the carrot crew, bad? Carrot doesn't improve any meal. No, it doesn't. Or carrots. Oh, that's propaganda. Look at you clearly. Oh, that's propaganda. What do you mean it's propaganda?

That's not even true. It was started by the British in World War II. They had a bunch of excess carrots so they started propaganda saying it would help your eyesight. I don't even think the British just like carrots because they got the bug's bunny teeth. Exactly. Yeah. Carrots alone are good. Carrots with some dip, those are good. Unless you get the baby

carrots. I don't even think. You get the baby carrots and they have a gallon of water at the bottom. Oh, yeah. Disgusting. Disgusting. You ever see inside a baby carrot factory? No. What?

They just dump water all over them. It's like this big plastic room. Baby's being killed. I don't know if you can find an image of guys working in the baby carrot factory. Those are baby femurs colored orange. Is that right next to the coal store? Oh, yeah. Baby carrot factory?

It's like really disturbing for some reason. It's guys wearing like big white Willy Wonka suits, like knee deep in the baby carrots, shoving them through these pots. I don't know. You want to see the baby carrot? Those are full carrots that they have to shave down to make into baby carrots.

Isn't it just one to one? It's kind of gnarly. Just throw the rest out? Yeah, they just... Like donuts in donut holes. Yeah, yeah. Ew. Well, yeah. Yeah. Ew.

Well, no shit, it's unsettling. Look at that guy. I'm thinking of a different one. That's a full carrot factory. Where the guys were like... Look at it. They're just throwing... I was right. They're just throwing water all over it.

Why are they doing that? They're cleaning it. They're hydrating it. All they did is pour water all over them. Oh, my God, yeah. That's all they're doing. Everyone there was just dumping water on the carrots. Yeah.

Soggy ass carrots. Soggy carrots. They're hydrating the carrots. Gallon of water at the bottom of the bath. I know exactly what you're talking about. It is the water. The full cup of water. Yeah.

I can't believe you threw up last night. What the fuck were you drinking? Did you throw up at the party? Did anyone see you? Did Burr? Did people see you throw up? Should I tell Burr? Should I tell Burr?

Yeah, tell Bill Burr. Text him and be like, sorry for my friend? Bill Burr is someone who will, like, no matter if I ever get really good at comedy, will never cross paths because he's so big and so older. Tell the Rich Voss story. I was in the green room with Rich Voss and he asked me how long I'd been doing comedy and I said two years and he pulled out his wall and he said, why don't you give me a cup of coffee? Oh, my God.

Yeah, yeah. I think Bill Burr and you could cross paths. I don't think so. I've told you, Bill Burr calls me like once every few months. Yeah. Just to bitch about something that's happening in sports. About sports, yeah. Yeah.

He's so fucking funny. He's the best. Yeah. He's probably, I think he's probably the best of all time. Really? Wow. I think him best. Yeah. He's probably, I think he's probably the best of all time. Really? Wow. I think him or Louie. Shut up. What?

You don't think so? No, I don't know. It's just crazy to think of who's the best of all time. I don't actually mean for you to shut up. I don't care. Phenomenal. It's insane. What about Dick Gregory, bro? Dick Greg is up there what about George Carlin George Carlin

eh what I've never I've never like watched a George Carlin special how can you say that oh really we're just like

that's a good point let's not leave Joan Rivers out of this yeah I don't know maybe it was dumb of me to say no it's not they're the worst

they're the worst ever no it's not dumb of you to say it no Burr doesn't do they're like my favorite to watch he do tours

He's done a tour recently Yeah he doesn't have He's always touring Does he go to like Random clubs in LA To like hone his craft Yeah I think so I think he goes up

At like the store and Did Burr Kreischer Just get roasted Yeah I guess I didn't watch it I've only been seeing Some clips I've been seeing clips

Of like Tony Hinchcliffe And like the stiff Trevor Wallace Like roasting him Or. There's some funny stuff. Are they being mean about it? Yeah. I watched the Rich Voss roast. Wait, but this wasn't a roast of Burt. No, it was.

It was a roast. It's on OnlyFans. Oh. I've heard it's good. Have you done the store? No. Actually, I've never been's good. Sass, have you done the store? No. I've never been. Actually, I've never been to L.A. and done shows.

Were we staying right across from the store? Yeah. But he wasn't doing comedy back then. I think I was on a hiatus. Oh, yeah. Because we were all supposed to. I stopped for a while. Like, right when I started.

I was like, this sucks. All the open micers are all assholes. They're so clicky. I think all comics are. So clicky. Yeah, I guess. The whole other world. Yeah, comedians feel very clicky. Yeah.

It's because their success, like someone else's success, represents a lack of success for them. They're a bitter bunch. Like one dude who actually does shows would show up and be like, like, one dude. They're a bitter bunch. Like, one dude who, like, actually does shows would show up and be like, I don't need to fucking be here, man. Yeah. Why the fuck are you here, dude? Why would you come to this by choice? This sucks. I don't need to be here.

Yeah. Dude, he was just on stage being like, I don't need to be here. Oh. Because he was bombing. And he was like, dude, you're here. Yeah. I remember, too, there'd there'd be like open mic power couples yeah

who and then they had been doing the same open mic for so long they felt like they like ruled the roost of the open mic

in some shitty bar basement at like 6pm on a Tuesday yeah I would go and I would get I would be hammered because I would be

so nervous to go up and then the show would end and I'd be like trying to talk to all the other comedians and they'd be like

get me some coffee yeah and I'd be like, get me some coffee. Yeah. And I'm like, dude, we're doing the same. We're doing the same exact thing. And we all suck.

It's hilarious. I go with people like people like go to open mics to like watch. Oh, well, I don't think people know that. Like who's at the difference practice. Yeah. I think everyone bombs. It's like people sitting in the bar and the bartender be like, there's an open mic going on. Yeah. If anybody is think a lot of times it's like people sitting in the bar and the bartender will be like,

there's an open mic going on. Yeah. If anybody is bored enough to go see it and then people like curious. Yeah. Does anyone else want? I'm good.

I'm good. Good now. You can throw it out. I'm probably going to keep eating it. Eat out the box. Keep eating it. Put some milk in there.

Should. Pop that thing off. I'm just eating to keep eating it. Eat out the box. Keep eating it. Put some milk in there. You should. Pop that thing off. I'm just eating the middle part. It seems sad to waste it. Big Cat, are you sure? No, go for it. I had a scoop. Okay.

I'm going to lose about 15 pounds. Me too. March really put a number on me. You know what's weird is I'm like, this is the first year that I've been really excited for football. We're so far away. I know, but I'm like, I is the first year that I've been really excited for football. We're so far away. I know, but I'm like, I can't wait for football to come back. Okay.

NFL Draft. I don't think I'll watch that. What? Do you want to go to Penn State WVU? We should. It's opening week. That sounds fun as fuck. Where?

State College. Bro, I'll show you fucking time. Sass, should we show them around? Yeah. I'd love for you to see the dorms. You're going to show me how to party? Brother, I've partied at both schools. Penn State shits on WVU.

I don't know what Steven's trying to tell me. See your hand signals? Yeah, sorry. I have to go. I have a thing with my kid today. Oh, okay. Sorry. How did you not know?

You see W's... That's what this means. No. Oh, okay. How did you not know? Is he W's professional transfer, Nick? No. He looks awesome. Look at Huggy. He's the best. He was wearing his jumpsuit. Oh, wait.

This dude is sick. Why would he leave Arizona? No, he's not sick. He's a villain. He's not sick. We got a villain? He is sick. Oh, hell yeah.

Was he European? He's sick. Kirk Creasa a villain? He is sick. Oh, hell yeah. Is he European? Yeah. He's sick. Kurt Creasa, when he's hot, will be awesome to watch, but it happens not that often. And then whenever he hits a couple shots, he'll be like, I'm shooting for the rest of the night. Or he'll do a behind-the-back pass. Basically, if things are going too well, Kirk Crease will be like, watch this.

I love that. It is kind of fun to watch. He is good. That's crazy. He's going from Arizona to West Virginia. What the fuck? Well, he went to Penn State. They didn't party hard enough.

Yeah. Shut up. Everybody at West Virginia is on magic mushrooms. You guys even have a coach? I think I'm back on WVU. You don't have a coach? That's a WVU fan. I'm WVU.

Well, you know, I went there with Nick for a while before I transferred to Penn State. Oh, cute. You disloyal. You love Huggy Bear. Yeah. I'm also a big Lions guy, though. Lions, we are. I like how you call them the Lions.

I think anyone calls them the Lions. He calls them the Lions. They're a mascot, right? The Nittany Lions, yeah. I call them the Lions. Like anyone calls them the Lions. Calls them the Lions. They're a mascot, right? The Nittany Lions, yeah. I call them the Lions. You guys didn't go to Penn State. Me and Rome went there. I've gone.

You've been there. Yeah. You've never been through the fucking, the highs and lows. The jungle. What is it? What is the line? Sandusky? No, the fucking, oh yeah.

The highs and lows of Sandusky's cock The highs and lows of high school football Yeah, yeah, yeah And of Sandusky's cock Sandusky's cock You should be a I mean, Bob Huggins is like The best to root for

Yeah, that was always my That was always my only regret about Where I went to college for six months Was that I didn't go to a sports school. DePaul's basketball. Yeah. You got to go to big five schools, though. The Demons.

You got to go to schools that spend a bunch of money on sports. Yeah. That makes it way more fun. The basketball games at DePaul were fun because it would be at, where did they play? They used to play in Rosemont. They play at a stadium. They play at Wintrust. Yeah, Wintrust.

Yeah, Wintrust is a new stadium they built downtown. Yeah, and so it wouldn't be like a school, like on-campus thing, so they would sell alcohol and they would never card. I think we would do the Barstool Invitational next year. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah, it was fun. It would be sick.

You could go and get cocktails. It was very interesting. How old were you? Probably 18. I was getting mocktails. But I remember I didn't know that at a lot of college games you can't buy alcohol. And then I went with Roan to Penn State. And I was like, we can't drink?

And he was like, no. We sobered up real fast. Next time I go to Penn State, I need to spend more time with the alumni than the students. Yeah. You know what I mean? Because I'm old as fuck now. Like, I got to be by the people with Winnebago's. We should get a Winnebago.

I would love that. That would be so far to have a gas RV. Yeah. Let's get one. Jerry has a license for it. Does he? It's a class Class D CDL?

Yeah Yeah He can't come He chose Pitt That's true He can't come He can come with me Shit Pitt

Was Penn State fun as fuck? It was so fun I'm sure Wisconsin was So much fun Last That's the only Like when I went to Penn State That was the only time

I was like I kind of wish I went to college So much fun And a big college Sound like that There's so many bars Lot of girls too When I went to Penn State, that was the only time I was like, I kind of wish I went to college. So much fun. And a big college sound like that. There's so many bars. A lot of girls, too. A lot of girls.

Smoking hot babes. Chill, chill, chill. They were all walking around in tennis skirts, and I was like, tennis skirts? I definitely think, though, there was times when I wasted. Yeah, Nicky knows what I'm talking about. That's a WVU thing. I was probably thinking of WVU. All I wanted to do was chill with my boys. Yeah, dude.

I loved chilling with my boys and had one disgusting room with like five TVs. We had a room where we put a bench press. Every day I'd wake up, I would bench, watch Price is Right,

and then play Call of Duty for like eight hours. Yeah, sounds so fun. That's actually pretty much what I do now. Then I think about it and be like, man, I probably should have done something different.

I was such a bad student. One of my friends went to Australia to study abroad. I was like, and waste this? Yeah. I did nothing but watch Bryce's writing Call of Duty. Same. I skipped a trip to Italy so I could just sit in college. I just go with my boys.

Oh, I never wanted to leave. No, I didn't either. For any breaks breaks for in retrospect that was stupid of me i should have gone somewhere you can go now yeah true i could buy australia yeah what easily go to australia wisconsin's fucking awesome too it's so much fun that was my most fun stop at barstool verse america yeah that was also like tampa uh where else were we just perfectly set up too where yeah that was cool there's some places you go like columbus where it's a city that's a city and there's a school there yeah it's a school town yeah it's almost like a 50 50 divide yeah madison's a perfect where it's the state capital so there is a city but it's dominated by the. So it's not like you're in the middle of nowhere.

Yeah. Right. I went there for a week before I went to DePaul, and I remember being like, I should have gone here. Summer time is the best. Go to the lake. Yeah. But then I was also like, I couldn't have gone in here, so I don't know why I'm thinking about that. Why?

Too stupid? No, it's a pretty hard school to get into, isn't it? It's decently. Yeah. I don't think it was that. I was looking at like 80-90% acceptance rate. I remember when I got into Alabama and I was like, let's fucking go.

What? You were going to go to Alabama? Well, I just applied. It was like, what's your name? That was the application. I think it has like a 100% acceptance rate for outside of Alabama. Does it? I think it's like nearly impossible to knock it in

if you don't live in Alabama. Pete, fuck Pete. Yeah. That email. Snarky ass. Oh, what a dick. What did he send? He sent an email with like a mock-up of the pod studios

in the new office, and no one replied for like 12 hours. He's like, well, since no one replied, guess like we're just going to go with it. I was like, dude, I'm in fucking Louisiana. We're traveling. We're working. Shut up, you fuck.

Now I'm back. I'm still not going to reply, but whatever. He's so snarky. So snarky. We got a shot of the industrial beach. What do you think of it? Is it? I think that those two words describe it really well.

Can we see it? Do you have a picture? Is it? I think that those two words describe it really well. Can we see it? Do you have a picture? Yeah. Industrial beach. Eat. It's like a rusty ass wall. No problem. With an email.

It was fun. A surfboard and a periodic table. You were working. I want to see it so bad. But, I mean, most people weren't. Okay, but I was. Yeah, but everybody else was. He's talking about you guys.

Yeah, he's talking about us. You working, Pete? No, Pete doesn't fucking work. Pete just paces around the building and cuts the Wi-Fi off every 30 minutes. Only during the yak. Yeah, TJ, have we been live the whole time today? Today, yes. Okay, nice.

Last week we went down five times. I retweeted the yak was live and everyone was like, no, have we been live the whole time today? Today, yes. Okay, nice. Last week we went down five times. I retweeted the Yak was live, and everyone was like, no, it's not. It's like, oh, shit. It'll probably go down now because he showed face. It'll probably go down. Yeah, yeah. He's probably going to go nibble on the wires. Pilots have.

He does. He just goes. It's the wires. Pete's hungry. Petey boy hungry. I'm going to go chew the wires. I's hungry. Petey boy hungry. I'm going to go chew the wires. I want to meet Maresh. Good ass dude.

Good luck trying to get a hold of him. He mentioned you. He didn't really say anything good or bad, but he did mention you. He knows you. Before. Once he came on, I started following him on everything. That's good. He's a big soccer guy.

Big soccer guy. You know the soccer guys because they're tweeting at 5 in the morning. He's on a podcast with one-month trial Ethan. I forgot about that. Because Ethan came to the city for his 21st birthday, and I kind of knew him. Kyle knew him pretty well. I remember that. We both were like, hey, man, we're tired. And I kind of knew him. Kyle knew him pretty well. I remember that.

We both, yeah. We both were like, hey, man, we're tired. We're going to go in. And he had met Maresh that day. And he stayed with Maresh for like three days. Oh, my God. Not just the rest of the night. For the rest of the weekend.

Who was this? Ethan to Maresh. For KB or for, was it KB or Nick's birthday that me and Maresh, or was Maresh's birthday? It was Maresh's birthday. Just me and Maresh, or was Maresh's birthday? It was Maresh's birthday. Just me and Maresh hung out for like seven hours. Solid ass dude. He hit me up yesterday. He was like, hey, you want to go to Yummy Tasty Noodles?

I was like, yeah. Yeah, Maresh is the man. Who did, Maresh or Ethan? Maresh. Wow. That's after the tank race. They're doing good with the podcast. Ethan's a go-getter.

Every week Aren't they doing it Like two hours a week Yeah One month That guy I like that guy's brain Hey there's the pod

Does he go to Connecticut Oh no Ethan comes here It's at Maresh's place Oh shit Ethan's hair really grew out Oh whoa Bloke Money Podcast. Might just be blokes with an S.

Oh, that's blokes. Soccer. Yeah, can we get Maresh back on? I'll try. You booked? Fuck. Did you guys play Mystery Cup? It was a little bit.

It was tough. It was a little bit with the regulations and stuff. I get so bummed out when I'm not here. It's just having so much fun. I know. It's almost like a mental illness. Yeah. When I'm not here, I watch the act.

I do too. I just talk to these guys for 10 hours this week. I want to go on vacation, and I just don't know if I can. Yeah, Nikki's trying to get to Japan. I'm trying to get to Tokyo. Take a vacation. Why don't you go over July 4th? Ever since Yakstats became a thing.

Oh, no. It's ruined me. I haven't seen it. Who has the most episodes? KB? KB by far. By a lot. Really?

I think Owen has the highest hosting streak. He did, yeah. Really? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, Owen's back. That's streak consecutive? Yeah.

Episodes? Damn. That's kind of sad that, like... Kyle goes to all these shows and doesn't have anything to do. Yeah, man. You're a hobby, dude. Miss work. That's really sad that, like, the longest streak Of somebody being at work Is 57

Yeah Yeah Yeah Ah damn No because people travel For work Right Yeah

I mean I've only missed Well Except for this wedding How was the wedding? It was solid Yeah Wore pink to all black Hell yeah

Well Flamingo Or Jordans too Noore pink to all black. Hell yeah. A flamingo? Or Jordans, too. No, like as a mistake. Oh. Yeah. Hell yeah. Still hell yeah. You guys ever been to a wedding that had no dress code, and you're like, actually, it

makes sense to have a little bit of a dress code. You should have a little bit of a dress code. Yeah, like I've been to a wedding where a dude was wearing jean shorts, and you're like, okay, maybe they should have. Oh, you look good, dude. Oh, that's nice. How did this surface? I don't know.

I don't know. That's a weird one. Who took that? You must know who took that. I don't know. I got shitters in my DMs. It looks like a sneak pic. I don't like that.

Katie and Nick both follow him. I assume you know. Oh, yeah, I kissed the dude on the lips. You guys talk about that. Oh, you did. And then that dude's fiance in her bio is like, my husband kissed Big Cat. Oh, no, I kissed the dude on the lips. You guys talk about that. And then that dude's fiance in her bio is like, my husband kissed Big Cat. Oh, no.

Yeah. Really gave it to him. Yeah, it's a bio-changing story. It was a barstool event, too. I think I'm done with that. I got to play a little bit harder on that. You guys play. You guys do not play hard.

Yeah, I know. I need to start. Because they give you the pouty eyes, and they're like, oh, can I have a kiss? I've never. I just go, ha ha ha. I try to show it when I do it. I was at my home bar

that I used to cut roast beef at sitting there with my wife. And someone came up to me and was like, a woman came up to me. She's like, I'm a lady yacker. Like, don't worry, I don't have a coin.

I was like, dude, even if you did. Yeah. Sorry, babe. I actually have to kiss this woman. Whenever they show you the coin and then what do you do? You do. They want me.

Do you want me? No, that guy wanted. I just I just say I'm not going to kiss you. And I just got I don't. And I also got a text from my wife and she was just like, why are you kissing dudes? Yeah. Good question. In Texas. Oh, yeah. Big news. I'm gay now. Yeah. my wife and she was just like why are you kissing dudes yeah good question in texas

oh yeah big news i'm gay now yeah sorry it's uh sorry that's how you had to find out yeah yeah don't worry i only gotta fuck like 500 yeah that's all the coins we had once i'm done fucking all those guys it's not that big of a deal there's only there's like 500 people who i'm obligated to kiss on the lips. Hey, bad news. Sales just called. I need to fuck 2,000 more dudes. The merch department just called.

I need to fuck 5,000 dudes. I had a dude show me a receipt for a coin. Did I tell you guys about this? In Bloomington? Yeah. He was like, I had, you know, it was a girl. She had a receipt and she brought the wrapper that the coin comes in.

Like the package. And she was like, the coin broke. I lost the coin or something. Lie, lie. She's like, I just want you to know that I have a coin.

No, you don't. I was like, I don't see a coin. Those things are adamantium. Those do not break. Remember when we were pedophiles? Yeah, that was funny Remember when we used to Trick Brandon into saying

If I were a pedophile And now we're just openly saying Remember when we were pedophiles? When we were young It'd be weird if you were never a pedophile That's more weird Oh you're just a loser Yeah you're a loser

Oh I think there's some kids who are like 6 years old Lusting for 27 years Oh that's like every single 8th grade boy Who's like I'm gonna fuck my teacher Yeah this one I gotta be on this They're like I don't know why but this teacher's gonna fuck me And then you accidentally call her mom and it's over

It is such a funny concept They're like, I don't know why, but this teacher is going to fuck me. And then you accidentally call her mom and it's over. It is such a funny concept to a kid. You're so confident. I think I could fuck my teacher. This is the one. You're like, I know my teacher has a husband and has a family and a dog. And I'm an ugly boy. She's going to throw it all away to fuck a 12-year- i've never fucked but this will be the yeah i will rock her world yeah yeah

i know all the right moves yeah i i like i i had like a buddy in school who like legitimately was like i think i'm gonna fuck the teacher well everyone has that one friend yeah he was like i'm in love with her the one friend who like you'll go to like a restaurant they're like i think the waitress wants to fuck yep dude it does not matter oh dude i don't think so it doesn't matter if the teacher is ugly as shit either you're still like i'm gonna fuck the teacher attracted to the power yeah you're just gonna throw away her life, her marriage, and go to prison for this unfucked boy dick. This three-inch penis. No, she has it.

With four pubes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just got my fourth last penis. Have one individual pube. Yeah, dude. This is what she wants. She goes home at night and thinks of me, dude,

that's literally like eighth grade is you're just horny all day. Oh yeah. Is that real? It's your every dude. Like it's, it's actually like an affliction. There's not a single point in an eighth grade class. Like right now,

I don't think there's one class watching this. That there's, that there's not a kid that's fully part right now. Not only fully like, I'm going to come now in class. And it wasn't just like a half-masked kind of thing. No, it is the hardest. It's the hardest.

I would do anything to jack this off right now. Finish this off. I'm sitting in science. I would do anything to be able to come right now. I remember being in like half-masked class. It was to come right now. I remember being in like a head class. It's like one of those oil rigs. Dude, I can hear my pulse in my ears. Looking at like a cross section of a breast in your biology book.

No, you don't even need that. You need to like, yeah, like the girl sitting in front of you, like you see a piece of her bra. Or like there's like a sign graph. Yeah. What do you mean? You're like, holy fuck. The right bell curve Yeah the bell curve

It's the hardest a man has ever been in his entire life Yeah And he's not a man Yeah But a boy No I would be No that's what it's like

Yeah I would be in class and be like The first thing I do when I get up I'm gonna fucking jerk off And then after that Just like ripping my notebook Like the spiral I'm unspiraling jerk off right now. And then after that, I'm going to jerk off. Just like ripping my notebook. Like the spiral.

I'm unspiraling my notebook. Spiral down the top. Yeah, just like. Taking apart your pen like a military. Like you're sure going to. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I was very oblivious to that. Oh, no.

It's a bad scene. They should give, instead of recess, they should just let the boys jerk off. Milk pods. Milking pods. Safe space. I wasn't horny for pussy, though. I was horny to jack off.

Yeah, right. Your own hand. Are you horny for your own hand? I was never like, I wish I could fuck right now. I need that jack off. You're like, my hand is perfect. If I could marry my hand, I would. My first wet dream was about me jerking off.

I didn't have the imagination. Dude, wet dreams were the best. That sucks so bad they stop happening. Your first fantasy was you. It's like VR porn. Yeah. Just jerking off. You'd go from the horniest person in the world first, second, third period to the hungriest person in the world.

Fourth, fifth. Biologically, fuck God for doing that to young boys like that. You should be giving that to 45-year-old men. I could use some 12-year-old testosterone. Right, bro. Fuck God for dumping that shit into the wrong people, bro. I remember being 12 and being in our lunch period where you'd split

halfway through the class. You'd go to lunch and you'd come back. And I remember being like, I have to sit here and wait for my boner to go down. I can't get up right now. The skin was about to split. Like a well-cooked dog. To carry something in front of you. I would put a binder.

I would put my binder in front of me. We should make binders that have holes in them. Or you're just like, you're leaning really forward. You're like basically squatting while walking. You go to bed one night, you wake up and you're an inch taller. Yeah. Because everything sucks. Well, you're just in constant pain.

You're starving and you just have the hardest cock. And nowhere to put it that was at the point where i like i could like count how many times i had masturbated before yeah oh yeah yeah i don't think i'm even close to 100 yeah i was like i'm probably still at like 20 i was like you was stand-up. My first time doing it, then I had a hiatus. Really? Yeah. I didn't have a hiatus.

Me too. Because I didn't cum. Like for two years. Yeah, first time you don't cum. I was like, no, that's not right. Yeah, that way. Hold on. Again, I was like, something's not right.

Is it like backed up or something? I'm constipated in my dick. Being a boy mom, Kate. I did not know. You're going to have to deal with it. You're, being a boy mom, Kate. I did not. You're going to have to deal with it. You're going to deal with all of it. I did not know.

Is it, is it true like, you see in the movies, like the moms, like you could crack their sheets in half. Oh yeah. Like it's so bad.

I was never aware. It's going somewhere. It's landing somewhere. I think your parents were like well aware that like, oh no. Just give them a shit load of tissue box.

Yeah, the tissue, you're, yeah, the, the trash can is going to fill up quickly with tissues. No. Dude, no. I don't do, the trash can is going to fill up quickly with tissues. No.

Dude, no. I don't do, if I was, just don't do anything. No. I wouldn't be like, I'm bringing in tissues. Yeah, I'm just going

to place these here. That's weird. Don't do a single thing. No, you just have to have it though. Don't even acknowledge. Don't acknowledge. No, no, no. You're going to run into

a trash can full of tissues wadded up. I'm saying, put the tissues out now. So he's like, oh yeah, my house always has tissues. My mom was like, oh, you've taken an interest in doing your laundry. You dropped one of my shirts, it would sound like Stone Cold's

coming to us. Don't let him throw away his old underwear. That's what I do. Because I would just use the underwear that doesn't fit anymore. Ew, dude. What? That's what I do. I use my old underwear.

Your parents, bro, they know. Oh, man. How is that like crossing the line after everything you said? No, no, no. I'm confused by it. I'm confused by this thing. No, dude, no, that's fine. After you guys being like, I'm a pedophile, and I'm like, oh, I used to use my underwear, and you guys are like, what the fuck?

Yeah, but material droughts were tough. I remember digging through old arts and crafts boxes using a little American flag, the one that you dangle around. Material drought. Make sure he has ample material. Any type of material. Using a little fucking Memorial Day parade. You anti-American, bro.

That's so fucked up. Something along the lines. Bring that up on ZeroBlog30 about how he desecrated the flag. That's the most, that's a worst. He was one of the little ones. That's the highest respect you can pay to the flag. Come on. Come on over it.

Sending a picture. Putting a blue light to your flag. You're like, you're really passionate about America. I might tweet that at POTUS tonight. Come trivia. Oh, my God. Oh, look at that. Material drought.

Oh, it's true. He's right. I'm out of socks. I like beanies. Yeah. Beanie. I love that beanie. What about one?

I can still wear it after one, right? Dude, the worst. I've done a lot in Dude, the worst was if you ever go to school. Oh, yeah. And then you're like, dude, you're scratching it off. Holy shit. This was here all day? Or blacklight bowling. You never found it first period.

Go to like a science museum and there's blacklight and you're like, no, I can't go in there. I thought, I'm not going in. You never found jizz earlier than fourth period. Or like you see someone's back. Yeah. Someone else's back. Yeah. What the fuck?

Yeah, dude. Just a stain on your jeans. What the fuck? I did have that last night. I knew I missed. It's just nothing you can do to get it off. Yeah, and you're also wearing the last night. I knew I missed. It's just nothing you can do to get it off. Yeah, and you're also wearing the same jeans every day. You're scratching at it for like 30 minutes,

and it just doesn't go away. And then you put water on it, it dries, it's worse. It becomes like the sperm comes back to life. The sperm comes back alive, yeah. You're trying to stop it with water, and it spreads. It gets whiter. It's crumblier. These are all things that happen.

As a mom, we're just kind of trying to prepare you. I was not. I don't know how I didn't. These days, it's probably like with all the internet shit, it's probably,

that age is probably more like nine. What the hell do you do? Birds in the beeves. Yeah, no, Oh, these days it's probably like with all the Internet shit, it's probably that age is probably more like the birds and the bees. Like, yeah, no, no. Yeah, I know. Blankets. Yeah. Oh, blankets. When you get that when you find a soft blanket.

Yeah, I never had like a oh, I used to just fuck the couch. There was a long period of time where I was just fucking the couch. Yeah. In between the two cushions. My mom bought a micro suede sectional. I had a crush on it. Can't wait to get home and fuck the couch. The first porn, I was just watching.

I think we talked about this before because you guys were like, that's insane that that's how young you were. When the internship came out and I watched the unrated version. I would just watch that on my Xbox and jack off like every day for like probably a year straight. Do you remember the first real life tit you saw? Yeah. It was like three years ago. I was on the bus.

I was on the school bus. And it was like I sprinted home from the bus. Wait, where was the tit? On the woman. The bus? Oh, no, no. It's the girl I was sitting next to. Show me her poop.

Oh. I never had anything like that. In what context? Yeah, wait. It was a... Pedophile? No. Yeah.

I was sitting next to her, and this one guy was like, show us your poop, and she did it. It wasn't sexual at all. She was just brave. Or she just didn't realize that there was anything about it. It wasn't sexual at all. She was just brave. Or she just like didn't realize that like it was even there was anything about it. We were in high school. She must have known. You guys used to watch scrambled porn?

No. I actually like the Spice channel. It would come in scrambled. What do you mean? I remember stumbling across it. It was basically just blurry as fuck but then every now and then you'd catch like, oh man, that was a tit. It was like TV static, and then you'd see a blowjob happen.

Yeah, you'd just see it, you'd be like, oh, fuck yes. Wow, that used to just be on TV. Yeah, no, it was crazy. Our regular ass, yeah, it was like you flipped to- I would do Wild On E, Brooke Burke, to start, and then I'd flip to the Spice Channel to finish. Watching porn at sleepovers was like a big thing. Oh, yeah. Like there was always the kids that would just jerk off under the floor.

Unfortunately, it wasn't. Everyone was jerking off. Like everybody had to have a blanket over them. Would you guys want to come over and jerk off? The one kid got the crocheted blanket, so you just kind of saw. Yes, Rome. What the hell? This happened once.

I would go jerk off in the bathroom after. You would ever, there would be like shifts. People would be taking turns jerking off. I never jerked off at a sleepover.

I never did either. But I'm feeling like a bitch right now. I did hundreds of times. Everyone was jerking off at sleepovers. That is true, yeah. Everyone.

Like everyone. You would literally take turns. You'd be like, I'm going to the bathroom. That's the theme yeah. Everyone. You would literally take turns. What's the theme of the party? It's all it was. You'd watch and then run into the... My mom would knock and she'd be like, what's going on in there? We're all jerking off, mom.

Bitch. I like how these are fresh in your memory so you have to tell them. You know what I mean? This is important. Eventually you hit an age where you're like maybe we should stop jerking off together that's kind of gay it's a little gay what we're doing isn't it yeah we jerk off before we do the sleepover yeah i found out like mid jerk off that it was like yeah you're just all stacked in a line with your boys. No.

Yeah. Yeah. It's all going to happen. Stacked in a line? You're just all lined up in sleeping bags watching The Internship Unrated. Were you guys talking or did you just hear like a Russell? My sleeping bag had slag tights. Yeah. What was in The Internship?

Go to a strip club. Oh. A lot of titties. Good titties, too. It was, what was the movie? Fuck. Wild Things? Yes, yes.

That was a great movie. Or like they would have on like VH1, they'd be showing, what's that stripper movie? You know what I'm talking about? Oh, yes. Fuck. With Jesse from Full House, or not Full House, Saved by the Bell. Something, yes. Fuck. With Jesse from Full House. Or not Full House. Saved by the Bell.

Something, yes. Yes. Some shit like that. What was that? What the fuck was that called? Yes. It was blonde. And there's like an unrated version that they'd show sometimes and a rated version.

What the fuck was that movie? Like fucking in a pool or something like that. I don't know. There's all types of, yeah. It's funny. Beyond the Pole? No, yeah, it's funny. Beyond the pool? No, no, no.

Showgirls? Also, showgirls. Yes, that's exactly. The Howard Stern movie. That had a great scene. The ride in a Sibium. Yep. And I still managed to not jerk off with my friends. Maybe I just didn't have friends.

You weren't horny enough, yeah. No, I just didn't have friends. I had no one to jerk off with. You jerk off with your boys. Those become your brothers. Comeny enough. Yeah. No, I just didn't have friends. I had no one to jerk off with. You probably thought you were. If you jerk off with your boys, those become your brothers. Come over tonight. For life. That's who we play Call of Duty with to this day. Remember how you used to shoot?

Yeah. We should. We should. When we go to do a cookout at Brandon's house, we should convince him that it's a jerk off party. I would prank Brandon by letting him catch me jerking off at his place. We got to go to John Rich's parents' house and jerk off. Yeah.

Brandon's got too many spawn. Oh, yeah. Too many realized jerk offs. It's true. Do we want to do the wheel? Oh, do we have another ad? Yes, Manscaped. Oh, yeah. Oh, hell yes, Manscaped.

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And they're always playing like an Owen Wilson movie or some shit. That channel was the best. Yeah. Wild On. Wild On and also Howard Stern, but they would blur out. He'd have like porn stars and they'd blur it out. Yes. Or like a late night Girls Gone Wild commercial.

Yes. They were trying to get little boys hard. Oh, my God. What was it that they would play on? They would play on Comedy Central. It was like the Adam and Eve commercials. They were trying to get little boys hard. Oh, my God. What was it that they would play on Comedy Central? It was like, oh, the Adam and Eve commercials? I don't know. Oh, yes, yes. Beyond during South Park.

Yeah. It would just be like girls throwing bras around. Girls Gone Wild was really fucked up in retrospect. Yeah. Yes. Those commercials. It's all about the process. Have you ever seen that?

Oh, God. What is that? You said it creepily. Dennis in Always Sunny, he's like, Matt, we don't want girls gone wild. We want good girls gone wild. He's like, it's all about the process. He's like, you want to watch the transition.

Those dudes are funny as hell. Yeah. I watched some of the new season on the plane. Funny? The new season? The Ireland one? Yeah, the Ireland one. It's got to be so hard for them to keep up.

So hard. Oh, that season wasn't great. There's some episodes in it. There's one episode that I think is one of the funniest episodes of the whole show. Which one? The one where Dennis gets COVID, and they're staying in that castle, and he's talking to the castle. He's hallucinating. I gotta watch it.

You see they have their record for the most words said. It's not surprising. They're all yelling and talking fast. Damn, I wonder if they script that all. It's still going? Yeah, they're working on the new season right now. And it's just got to be hard for them to make fun of poor people because they're all so fucking rich now that they're all just printing money.

It's a good lampooning of poor idiots. I think it's the funniest show ever by a mile. I mean, the early seasons were like... What about Bill Burr's show? No. What about Louis' show? No. Wow. Louis' show wasn't bad.. What about Louis' show? No. Wow.

Louis' show wasn't bad. Very good. Louis' show's solid. It's kind of sad. It's kind of like a depressing show. I don't like dark comedy like that. I didn't like it either. It's just like he's a miserable person in the show.

Don't like it. I don't like calamitous things where everything's going wrong. Yeah. That's comedy, you know? You've got to be able to laugh at the... He's, like, fully back, right? Like, there's no... He just put out a special this week.

Does he talk about it at all? He talked about it in the MSG show a little bit. He did. He said, like, I think he started it off. He was like, thanks for all being here. It's like, I know it's hard to be a fan of me these days. And then he had a joke where he was like, he's like, I know everyone in here has one person who doesn't know where they are right now

and he was like he's like they're like what are you doing tonight he's like i'm just going to like some comedy show or something i don't really know what it is and where's his special out on his website's website it's very funny i gotta buy it yeah it's really Really funny I'm not trying to pay The full amount Because of his Dirty dirty deeds I know I'll buy it And I'll

Split it Yeah I'll record it On my phone for you I'll bet you a five How much is it Ten bucks Fifteen

Twenty Ten I'll bet you a five Big J has a special Coming out today too When's your special Sass Ten years from now.

Stop saying that. Five years. Ten. Well, you keep on stealing jokes. It'll take a while. Yeah, people said I stole a joke. What? Yeah, it was kind of annoying.

I would think so. What joke? Well, I managed to steal it from Nick KB and John Mulaney and Tom Segura all in a 30-second clip. Oh, wow. Which is pretty impressive if you think about it. But it was literally just a premise of following a girl. And John Mulaney, apparently he had a joke in his first special about following a girl. And the punchlines could not be more different.

Did you take it down? No. Okay, because I was going to say different. Did you take it down? No. Okay, because I was going to say you could see me making it on my page. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You took it down, you could get what you wanted. Also, I've been doing that joke for like seven months, and everyone was like, I don't know, whatever. It's really just a cold weather joke.

Yeah, it was annoying. Every, like, I was like, oh, I'm going to get back into tweeting, and then I made the Where's Waldo tweet, and everyone was was like, oh, I'm going to get back into tweeting. And then I made the Where's Waldo tweet. Yeah. I was just like, yeah, you took that from. I don't understand the obsession with being like, oh, you stole that. Yeah. I did a TikTok yesterday about how the awkward moment where you're holding the door for someone who's too far away.

And somebody was like, that was already a Curb Your Enthusiasm thing or whatever. Like, I thought they were joking, but they were serious. Yeah. It's like the. It's just common. Yeah. It's like the... It's a common thing. My joke was about my perspective of when a girl thinks I'm following her. John Mulaney's joke was about him following a girl in the subway and chasing her because he thought that she was running to the subway and he thought they were late for the subway.

Those jokes could not be less... Yeah, the punchline is completely different. Don't listen to the haters. Yeah. Everyone has that. Yeah. There's a guy who made a shirt that said, just cover, and some guy was like, you stole that from me. Yeah. That's a saying everyone says.

Yeah, and it's also like people have similar thoughts. Right. Also, everything's been done. Everything has been done. saying everyone says yeah and it's also it's like people have similar thoughts right that's also everything's been done everything has been done that's what makes jokes funny is like oh yeah i i have felt that experience as well yes exactly it's like relating to people yeah that joke is something that just happened to me yeah like a joke that i made yeah it's a very weird like i remember when mantis was doing his street ref thing where he'd like be out in the street dressed like a ref and he'd throw flags when people messed up?

And this guy was coming at him being like, that was my thing. I created it. And if you just Google or YouTube street ref, it's like a thousand different people doing the exact same thing. Street ref's a genre? I swear to God. No, it really is. It would be so stupid to steal something. Exactly.

That's what I was saying. I was like, what do you think? I'm just watching John Mulaney's special from 10 years ago. Nobody will notice. I think I'm going to do that joke now. People thought when I tweeted my UConn ticket, they're like, it's fake because it has the wrong date on it. It said like April 10th.

Yeah. I was like, do you know how stupid it would be for me to feed a gambling ticket? That'd be the dumbest thing I could possibly do. And the right date was above it. Right. And also, I tweeted exactly when I was above it Right and also I tweeted Exactly when I was putting it in January

I read that date off of a tweet And I had the text from Jack Mack Which was a great text he's a UConn fan too Sass you had a good bit The seven things you can't say on television Oh yeah that was it That was clever Oh no never touching black man's radio.

That was your... How you snuck a baby in the club. Yeah. I've been working on this one about, I was out in Russia, and I started hanging out with the Russian mafia. Okay. Okay. Y'all called me the machine.

No way. What? Yeah. That's hilarious. Hold on, take off your shirt. Let me see. Actually, you should. That actually would be a new way of being funny for you.

It is like, yeah, that way of being funny for you. It is like, yeah, that joke seemed to work for him. I'm going to do that one now. Yeah. Just tell the story. Yeah. All right, spin the wheel. He landed on something yesterday. What'd you guys say?

Name wheel. Bowling night. Bowling night. Oh, fuck yes. Which sounds fun. Well, let's go bowl. We want to do it after the case race. Ooh.

When is the case race? When's the next case race? I want to combine it with roofball, but it sounds like roofball has got something else. It's probably a sponsor, which means that racing alcohol will be frowned upon. Okay, so let's just do the case. It's Brandon's birthday this month, too, though. Let's do another case race in the next two weeks.

Everyone's around. Let's just do the case. It's Brandon's birthday this month, too, though. Yeah, let's do another case race in the next two weeks. Everyone's around. Let's just pick a Thursday. That work? Yeah, that works. Next Thursday? Yeah. Yeah? I got nothing going on.

Yeah, I could do that. I could do the 13th. I could do the 20th. I could do the 27th. All right, let's do next Thursday. Talk to me. The 13th? Case race?

Yeah. Why not? Why not? Let's just do it on that. We'll do it in Nashville the next day. Oh, yeah. We'll do it in New Orleans the next day. Yeah, let's just do it that night.

We'll start a little bit early. We'll do it at like 5 p.m. Yeah. Yeah, I'm down. Should we invite anyone or should we go old school? The spare god? Mangold? It's this dude that he just gets like 10.

He gets all spares. I do want to see how many beers Mangold. We just owe Mangold. I think Mangold's got to come. He's also a great vibes guy. We owe him a spot. And Brandon's not going to participate, right? Right.

Brandon won't be here. We can do teams of three against Mangold. I think he'd win. We're talking about beer or bowling? Beer. Case race. The spare guy doesn't drink. Wait, could we record a case race while bowling?

That, TJ? That would be awesome. It would get sloppy in a great way. It's unlistenable when we don't. That would not work. Who cares? Who cares if It's unlistenable when we don't. Yeah, that would not work. True, true, true. You know what I mean? Who cares? Who cares if it's unlistenable?

People watched us bowl for like eight hours. It would have to be like a video. Yeah, yeah. We'd have to like edit it down and shit. Right.

Well, I think then the video of just like the post-case race bowling would be funny. Or I think if there's like a certain amount of people always sitting there and people are just getting up to bowl,

getting up to bowl. Yeah, we could figure out like a way to work the bowling scores into the case race. Let me think about that. I'll cook up something. Let's debrief after the episode. Yeah, we will do something in the next week or two. Yeah, let's put a pin in that. Yeah.

Then we can break bread about it later. Circle back. Yeah. Slow hanging fruit. Sass with his elephant graveyard of high noons and Red Bulls. A few of those are mine. One of them is yours. This guy can't quit rushing fucking high noons.

Happy birthday, bro. It would be funny to do a case race in a bowling alley, but we don't. What you could do is you don't bowl until you get, like, until you finish your case. Then everyone on your team has to bowl, like, over 100. Yeah. Which might take a long time. Drunk. It's like a two-part thing where it's like we drink, we hang, and then the only way you can be done is you have to reach a certain score that's attainable but also hard.

Especially drunk. I think we could do that by Thursday. No, next Thursday? Yeah, by next Thursday. So should we just knock out a case race next Thursday and wait on that for something else, or we could wait on the case race and do it in this new fun way? I mean, TJ, you just got to get on the horn with some people. There's got to be a bowling alley that would host us.

It has like a private room. Yeah, I'll just talk to whoever did the bowling alley for you guys. Yeah. That was a thing. Where was that? It was at Bolaroo. Bolero? Bolero?

Yeah, I don't know why I said that. It was like Bonnaroo. It was fun. It was a really cool place. Yeah, they have a private room. Man, that would be fun. That would be a lot of fun. That would be a lot of fun.

There's four bowling alleys not that far from us. The NBA, National Bowling Association, Bowlmore Lanes over in Chelsea, Frames Bowling Lounge. That's pretty close. We should do a case race and do a mini golf tournament. That would be fun too. Yeah.

Anything just that drunk. Yeah, it would. I mean, roof ball. But can we get drunk for roof ball? I think we're going to do it sponsored maybe. I just want to play roof ball with my friends. You guys are my only friends. A nice weather day playing

roof ball just sounds like I want to dive again. I want to dive. I'll tell you what. Roof ball could be a great way to bang out the 12 hour stream which we could. Maybe today's the day we're doing it. On Sass's birthday. Sorry, man. We should do it without Brandon.

Actually, he'd be happy. Yeah, we got to do it with him. We got to wait for him just to punish his ass. Should we be nicer to him? Sass? Brandon. Oh. Nah.

He's doing, like, well, you know? He's doing like well You know He's doing great He had a stress rash on his face And he's also A lot of Brandon Brandon's an interesting cat He's just

He's an anxious boy So you know I think the key to Brandon Is you just gotta remind him That everything's fine Every now and then You gotta be nice to him personally But also when you're

What I actually have to go somewhere Alright Your birthday Every now and then You gotta be nice to him personally But also when you're What? I actually have to go somewhere Alright Your birthday? Yeah we have to record I gotta go pick up keys Oh Exciting

Alright so let's spin the wheel And then we'll figure out But yeah just Just pump him up privately But yeah You gotta pump him up privately But personally you give him You know he's a wrestler

So like he He likes it Yeah if you give him Some encouragement He'll turn into, like, a fucking. Oh, monster. Yeah, he'll become a monster. He's kind of got a little Dwight Schrute in him. He's a little bit of him.

If I, like, pulled him aside and I was like, I think, I think Erica's kind of lost her fastball. You think we should probably take this place over? You think so? He'd be like. Think I could be a CEO? Yeah, he would, like, take out a PowerPoint and be like, I've been waiting for this moment. Brandon's itching for a CEO? Yeah, he would take out a PowerPoint and be like, I've been waiting for this moment. Brandon's itching for a coup. Yeah.

I like the sentiment, KB. We could all use being nicer to everybody. Name wheel. We've landed on that so much. Maybe we have too many name wheels? It's always that one that it lands on, though. I feel like we go through a big drought, and then we'll have a week where we hit it a bunch.

I'm excited to bowl. Bowling doesn't even have to be videotaped, right? No. Steven just did it as a friendship thing. All of his were friendship things. Yeah, right. So we could bowl at any time. We also owe him a hibachi.

Yeah, which I... He said he has it. Would you do it Friday or no? Why don't we just go get hibachi and then bowl after? Good point. Let's just do that. Sounds great. Let's just pick a night.

I want to get that live streaming backpack because then we could just do that and then just stream that directly to the YouTube. Okay, so I say yes. Buy it. Oh, what the fuck? If anyone gives you any guff upstairs, tell them Big Cat said so. Thanks, Big Cat. Yeah, all right. So then we'll just go and, yeah. Hank's the guff upstairs, tell them Big Cat said so. Thanks, Big Cat. Yeah, all right, so then we'll just go and, yeah.

Hank's the guff giver. Listen, they don't give me guff. We told Hank that we wanted to go to the Trump rally yesterday, and he was trying to figure out how we were going to pay for it. He said he wanted to get an ad deal on it. That's part of why, like, whenever, it was like, oh, Big Cat's going to, they don't say it anymore, but when they used to be like, oh Big Cat's going to... They don't say it anymore,

but when they used to be like, oh, he's going to leave for somewhere else. Do you realize that I have a company card that no one's ever asked me any questions about? Ever? Ever? Literally ever? Yeah. You know how I don't abuse it, but... Big Cat's buying 10 gallons of cream cheese.

I don't have to worry about it. Yeah, it's the nicest perk ever. See, just to scroll through it. Because you let me borrow it to buy like $70 worth of peanut butter and jelly one day. Some people, I think there's probably like eight people in this office who have it for their Uber. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah, like I don't.

That's dope. And I'm just like, whatever. If they say something, I'll be like, yeah. For their Uber. For their Uber. It also gives you plausible deniability. I have my own saved on my phone. Yeah, I have a small Uber network as well.

Yeah, I mean, I actually should probably try to figure out how many Ubers I'm paying for. It's a lot. I had to cut some people off. I had to change the number on the card because there were some people who don't even work here anymore. Why, Pete? No, I'm just kidding. It's been that wheel. I'm going to put some mud on his name.

Fucking Pete. Not Young Page. All right, KB. Do you have some wild shit or some mild shit? We'll see. Count me out. Well, you just don't know any of the shit. I'm not going to count you out, though.

Barter Blitz. These are both great. I'm in for both. Win-win. Okay. It'll be fun. It's a fun game. I think it would translate. It's a way more creative

and fun charades. Oh. I'll have to look up the rules. Let's play it Friday. You know it? It's a way more creative and fun charades. Oh. Yeah. Play it Friday? I'll have to look up the rules. Yeah, let's play it Friday. Salad Bowl Friday. Salad Bowl Friday.

All right, well, happy birthday, Sass. Yeah, happy birthday. In New York. Thank you. King of New York. Go buy tickets to see him at the stand or one of his shows. Lilsasswebsite.com. Yeah, that sucks.

I know. It's the Lilsass website? Lilsassquatchwebsite.com Yeah That sucks I know It's Wait you have the word Website LilSassSquatchWebsite.com LilSassSquatchWebsite That sucks so bad Oh my god dude What can you do

What can you do Just pick another name Yourself Yeah What can you do though You don't have to type All of that Type all of that in

As long as you don't have A number in there Or like dashes Or is it underscore And yeah Exclamation point You don't have to type all of that in. You don't have a number in there. Or like dashes. Exclamation point. That was that dude who was getting in an argument about Caitlin Clark in my mentions yesterday. Pussy hands three. Pussy hands one and two.

NFL bad calls and pussy hands three. We're having like a 15 15 hour argument in my mentions. It was awesome. I think people thought Pussyhands 3 did it. Obviously. With a name like that you don't lose. That's a man that has nothing to lose. Oh there it is. Yeah. You look great.

That's a great website. Me. It does look like three different people. Yeah that's three different Oh. It does look like three different people. Yeah, that's three different guys. It does look like three completely. What the hell? Separate.

I would chill with the guy on the left. The left guy I would not fuck with. Middle guy, yeah. Right. Sometimes. Middle guy only.

Left guy would definitely steal your girlfriend. But you got a yak ad on there. You have a link through to the yak. Oh, nice. You have a link through to the Yak. Oh, nice. Of course. I'm on the show.

Hell yeah. Okay. Sweet. Contact is just like home base. Contact is just Ben Mintz's cell phone. Yeah, yeah. I have no idea what contact is. We'll have Ben Mintz on tomorrow.

We're going to have to have him call in to get an update. Race is Monday, right? Saturday? Sunday? He needs to get a GoPro. TJ race is Monday, right? Saturday? Sunday? He needs to get a GoPro. TJ, can you help him? Yeah. He needs to figure out a way.

I need to watch his face. A POV of him running. We'll play it on Monday. Okay. Cool. See you tomorrow. See you tomorrow. We'll see you next time.