The Yak - Helping Sas Plan Out His Trip to Iceland | The Yak 3-31-23

Episode Date: March 31, 2023

Have a sturdy weekendYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Yo, DJ, hold that up. These guys left that room a fucking mess. My mic stinks. Does it smell bad? You know who was on this fucking mic the show before? My mic stinks like bad breath. Fucking foul, bro. These dudes are gross, bro.

Rowan, I said it was dry day. Yeah, this is my Pelicans jersey. Okay, cool. Sass? You gave me this one. I don't know what it is yet. Andy? Oh, nice.

I'll put it on. All right. I feel like such a fucking idiot for not wearing a jersey. You should have... Che has his Pepe Che on. I'm so dumb. It's embarrassing. We have a special guest, too.

Play that boy's theme music. Play the theme. I have theme music now? It's Maresh. It's Maresh. Play the theme. I have theme music now? It's Maresh. It's Maresh. Look at that. Yo. That's the toughest jersey I've ever seen in my life.

A fitting logo. Yeah. That's why they bought it for me. Here, let's get the mic. My buddy Calvin, he bought this for me. Big shout out, Calvin. Big shout out, Calvin. It's because it's got an Indian on the front.

Different. Yeah. Oh, no. That guy's straight out, Calvin. Big shout out, Calvin. It's because it's got an Indian on the front. Different. Yeah. No, that guy's straight out of Mumbai. Yeah, this is a Mumbai Indian. What team is that? I think they're called the Frohlunda Indians from Sweden. No way. We really did some.

Oh, it has the Swedish flag right there. Zao, what do you think of this piece? I love that. That's an old school villa. Goddamn right it is. I love that. That's an old school villa. Goddamn right it is. I love that. That's from the 90s, right? Mm-hmm.

Yeah, that's a great jersey. Things were better back then. Were there Native Americans in Sweden? Yes. You go to Sweden, they're like, please call, I can't even do this.

Can you do a Swedish voice of somebody telling you, Native Americans. Were there? Did you just call them? The Hopiwad. A proud tribe. We're going to Stockholm.

Oh my god. What the fuck? I don't understand why the Swedish team would have a fucking Native American as their mascot. Oh, man. It's kind of dope, though. The only thing I like wearing more than a jersey is rowback, though. That's for sure. We love rowback.

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Yeah. So that makes me think that Native American mascots aren't... Native Americans warriors, though? Every single one. Yeah, Rowan, were you saying they were bloodthirsty? No, they're warriors. They weren't Spartans all warriors? Is that a Mel Gibson movie, Apocalypto?

Yes. They were crazy. Those were Incans. They're native, though. For sure. North America. Native of North Americans. Would you consider someone from Brazil American?

Yeah. No. They're in South America. Oh, yeah, that is true. Maybe. That just fucking shattered your perception of the world. Are there any teams named like the Samurai? That's too good of a thing to be...

Wasted. Wasted. i don't know yeah like probably a minor league baseball team they got wild names yeah no i have an issue with minor league team names because i think they're trying to be too quirky there's like oh yeah we're the scrambled eggs yeah they are the savannah bananas or whatever yeah like independent they're in like minor leagues. I think there's the Trash Pandas, which are just raccoons. I mean, it's a good logo.

I remember I used to have a- Or goats. Yeah, flying squirrels. I think they refuse to be something that's- They're thinking of hats. Yeah, they just want to market themselves. They probably listen to John Rich's dad's marketing songs and just figure their shit out. Did you hear this? That John Rich's dad makes like folk marketing songs.

No, but that's awesome. They're fucking dope. Great job. That's thirsty. Kind of. I was Cade on the last show and late for this one. Where did she go? I don't fucking know.

I think she's purposefully late sometimes. She'll just wait at her desk until the very last minute and then wait a couple minutes past that and then show up. She might have bounced though. She might have bounced, though. She might have just thought that's her yakking for the day. Yeah, maybe she thought it was the yak. She might have.

Oh, I saw her back at her desk, I thought. Oh, yeah. She doesn't care about us. But I am thirsty as hell. Let's, uh... We're sipping today. For real? Yeah.

Steadily. Really? Yeah. Areeadily. Really? Yeah. Are we getting a little twisted? No, responsibly. I got Atlanta drunk last night. You got Atlanta drunk last night? I got Atlanta drunk.

What does that mean? I was telling you guys I was going to get Atlanta drunk, and no one would go with me to get Atlanta drunk. Yeah, you got mad at me. I know. Because Nicky won't come out. And then if Nick doesn't come out, no one comes out. Nicky is the ringleader.

Yeah. If it's just me, no one's coming out. If it's me and Nick, you're going to get, like, everyone out. That's not true. No, that's not true. No, it's true. No, my birthday was just me and you. That is true.

Yeah, I didn't come out on your birthday. That is true. Nick left us. It was just you and I for, like, hours. Dude, I was so tired. Oh, yeah. We were just chugging Guinness and he just kept going, Marash!

It's a good name to yell Dude that's the worst mic I have to deal with that Every single day You can sit anywhere you want Yeah go host No The worst mic

Is the mic in there In one of the pod rooms That doesn't stay up Oh yeah Every day That we record in there I get enraged But you always

Sit in this curse Hmm You always sit in that seat where like you don't Because that's my seat bro. You don't avoid the seat. I do not sit in my seat. Why does that have to be

your seat though? Why do you need that seat? Is your good side? Yeah. Is your cute side? Hmm. Damn. You do love broccoli

the other day. Wearing the rubber band around the stalk. Bro you changed. I know. My groceries now. I was craving broccoli. I just bought one stalk. Bro, you changed. I know. By groceries now. I was craving Brock. I just bought one stalk.

It was feminine that I bought groceries for a long time. Yeah, I think it still is feminine. I go and buy the one thing I want and leave. Here you are with your fucking totes, dude. No man should ever have a tote. How's the one thing you want? Broccoli. I wanted broccoli and ranch.

Why the hell would you want that? Craving it. Dude, he's so, he won't cook proteins in his apartment. No proteins in the house. Why the hell would you want that? Craving it. He won't cook proteins in his apartment. No proteins in the house. That's a Trill Ballins. He's anti-protein. Why? Is it stinky? Yeah, it stinks up the entire... Apartment living is not for protein. No, it's not.

Thank you, sir. If you're heavy on protein, your shits smell like the most insane smell you've ever smelled. You're talking about your poop? Oh, yeah. I was just thinking the house smelling like meat. Oh, no. Have you ever talking about your poop? Oh, yeah. I was just thinking the house smelling like meat. Oh, no. Have you ever had a protein shit? Oh, yeah.

Foul. All shits stink, though. Not like protein shits. Especially if you're eating, like, if you're throwing, I was throwing down a lot of Quest bars, and those have, like, 13 grams of fiber. You're just ripping ass all day. When you first started here, you, like,

Quest sent you that biggest box. They sent me a fucking package this big. That combined with you having zero dollars, it meant that's the only thing you ate. All I ate was, yeah, I would go home and I would eat Quest chips. They have potato chips. They have desserts. That's all I would eat. Yeah.

It was good. You were jacked and farting. I wasn't really jacked. I think I was just farting. I was eating a lot of protein. That is, like, when do you need to start eating protein? Like, most of my little bitch-ass workouts probably don't even necessitate protein. I don't know.

You're supposed to have, like, your body weight in protein or some shit. I think that's if you're, like, bulking. I have 175 pounds of protein. I think you're supposed to have, like, your body weight in grams. Like, you're supposed to have, like, if you're 170 pounds, I think you're supposed to have, like, 170 grams of protein. I think you're supposed to have your body weight in grams. If you're 170 pounds, I think you're supposed to have 170 grams of protein. That's so much. I think that's only if you're bulking. What else is chicken's protein, but what else is protein?

Egg. Meat. A lot of stuff. Fish, steak. Any meat, yeah. You know what's high in protein is edamame. Ah. Really?

Yeah. Very high in protein. High in soy as well. Yeah. That would be aamame. Ah. Really? Yeah. Very high in protein. High in soy as well. Yeah. Astrogyne. Be a nice set. Yeah. It racks you up.

How do we get some sips going on? So Kate's here and Kate has her Borg already. I have her little Borg. That's just fabuloso. You don't have the handle though. We got that right from the cleaning closet. Yeah. Yeah.

I did a little concoction, a little mix. I went with the college thing. I put the candies in the bottom again. There's like two pieces of candy. They're all on this one. No, the college thing. You put like one Starburst in there. Or Sour Patch Kid.

It's a little Revitalite is in here too, which turned it green. It gave it that beautiful hue but i was thinking tank race how much i enjoyed that so that was a great time in our lives because i was thinking about that before coming here yeah i was like whatever happens i can't drink whatever we drank on my head hurts so bad after that the tank race yeah the tank race i feel like that was a better drunk and like we were more presentable. We looked less like assholes. Yeah, well, it was just fast.

It was like a sugar high. Fast drunk, yeah. Yeah. My tummy hurts so bad. Oh, yeah. It was another night where Nikki left. My tummy hurt. And then everyone left.

Which night was that? I brought them all back to mine. Yeah. Yeah. All right, Sass, we're headed out, man. Fuck, I'm set. It took me a lot of willpower to not talk about it last show, but that was for sports.

Yak, of course, is about Mincy. Did you see his daily report? I did, yeah. And he counted John Rich's video as one of his things. And the email he got. Yeah, he got an email. Oh, thank you. Yeah, that's unbelievable. He's, uh...

Is it possible? Actually, it is. What? He's in it. Yeah. The video? Yeah, he's in the whole video. The whole video's about him.

You should count this, then. Yeah. Yeah, we're talking about him now. I mean, it is, like, a good thing. Like, I don't know. He's getting the views. Did you watch John Rich's video? I haven't watched it yet. I mean, it is like a good thing. Like, I don't know. He's getting the views. Did you watch John Rich's video? I haven't watched it yet.

I did. Really funny. A lot of things I learned. Mintz has a personal assistant. Yeah. I met that guy. Yeah. I did hear that.

Yeah, I've met that guy before at like a gambling event or something like that. And the guy used to be Tim Tebow's personal assistant. Wow. I wouldn't say it. It's a lateral move. It's a lateral move, yeah. I think it's a step up. Tim Tebow's star is fading.

And Mince's star is coming ever closer to the earth until we will explode. And Mince might be Jewish, we found out in the video. What was that part? He met his people at a Jewish community center. Really? That he's a member of. Really? Yeah. We have some details about Wake Up Mincy.

He has the Stella Blue boxes ready for when he gets the set. And it'll be three days a week. Megan said that she used to think of him as her boss. That is crazy. Yeah. Getting in trouble used to think of him as her boss. Yeah. That is crazy. Yeah. Getting in trouble with Mincy.

I mean, he's my boss. This is your boss. Yeah. It does say that on the org chart. I have to do reports to him like he does to Dave. He keeps on putting off your year-end review, though. I know. You need that review.

I know. I haven't gotten one yet. I've never had one. I don't think I have. I saw Tico Tech get in hers yesterday. Yeah? Tico has like six a year. I know. She was walking down the street today. She has another one today.

She's running them back to back. I used to have meetings with Gaz. You used to have so many meetings. He used to have a lot of meetings with Gaz and he would just yell at me. I would go, I'm sorry. He would just get yelled at once or twice a week. He would yell at me like would go i'm sorry you would just get yelled at once or twice a week like once a week where they were upstairs right yeah in that room with the mural it would be like me gaz jen simons and logan and they'd all just yell at me i'd be like fuck i don't know like i don't

know what to say and then i then we started son of started Son of a Boy and we haven't had a meeting since so that's good Roan you saved his life yeah pretty much this was also before you were on the yak maybe too it was yeah

so yeah it was just like you'd come in do nothing think of a video yelled at and you're sad now but you were really sad then

no I'm not sad anymore we gloss over how fucking miserable you are I know we talked about it on a previous Yak. No, I'm not sad at all. Right now, things are fine. You're the most miserable person I know. No, you were.

You were. Maybe I was back then. Not anymore. I'm kidding. I don't find you miserable, bro. I think you're a bright ray of sunshine. Oh, yeah. These days.

These days. It will be a fall at some point. It'll be tremendous. It will be. Wondering how I'm going to be when I live alone oh yeah yeah congrats by the way thank you yeah i signed my lease yesterday i think you'll blossom even more yeah i hope so it'll be a really good thing maresh where are you gonna live in chicago i never gave up my place. You're just going back. Going back home. Maresh, when's your year-end meeting with Erica?

It's coming up, I think. Yeah. You've been in a lot. Yeah. She screams. She'll holler at you. She hits you. Ooh.

Yeah. No, you specifically. Yeah, you. Remember. I want to drink something. I do too. Can I go make something? Yeah.

For you? For us. All right. You out? For everybody gets the same thing? Yeah. Okay. Oh, really?

Are we allowed to have any of those? Yeah. You're even allowed to say what they are? We are. You're definitely allowed to say what those are. Okay. I'm going to have a high noon. You got to read the ad, though.

Okay. I'll have it. I'll read it once I get my high noon. Yeah. Can I have any of them? Can you grab You've got to read the ad, though. Okay. I'll have it. I'll read it once I get my high noon. Can I have any of them? Can you grab me one, too? Friday. Friday. Friday, baby.

Friday. The booth's got to get it going, too. Let's wait. Should I wait? Let's wait at the end. That'll be the end. That'll be the finale. It's, like, loaded.

It's ready to go. Am I in it at all? Yeah. Let me see. You're in this one. Oh, hell yeah. I'm just in one? it at all? Yeah. You need a mango? Yeah. Oh, hell yeah. I'm just in one. Am I in the same? Maresh is posting his

end of quarter photo dump on Instagram. I can't bless him too much, you know? The thing is, is Clemmer in the same amount of these as I am? Yeah. When you leave, he'll be my new best friend. Oh, no! Actually, yeah, that makes sense. He's swooping in on everything. John and Fucky Williams. yeah when you leave he'll be my new best friend oh no actually yeah that makes sense

he's swooping in on everything yeah it's between him and smokes John fucking Williams yeah you didn't see the good one though hold on well this is bad I'll say it

yeah it's bad it's not good go ahead and throw that out do it now fast cheers pal cheers za you have a flight tomorrow no?

Not tonight Where are you going? Sri Lanka Oh shit Wait and you have your Wait Do we know this? I didn't

No What are you doing in Sri Lanka? My cousin My cousin My mom's My mom's sister's son got married to a Sri Lankan lady. Have you ever been? No, so I'm

looking forward to it. That's going to be awesome. My 8th grade teacher, Miss Angi, was from Sri Lanka and she taught me how to diagram a sentence. Best teacher I've ever had. What a leg up in high school I had because of her. It's going to make it tough to watch the Arsenal game. Actually, easier. Oh, easier?

Yeah, easier. Because they're, what, they're, I'd say, they're probably like four, five hours ahead. How long is that flight? So it's 14 into Dubai, then from Dubai to, sorry, into Doha to Qatar. Then from Qatar to Sri Lanka is five hours. So like 19 in the air.

And you're there just for the weekend? Just for Tuesday. Oh, shit. Holy shit. The way back is when I'm actually going to die. Because I leave tonight. I land on Sunday morning in Sri Lanka. But the wedding's on Tuesday.

Yeah. I leave Sri Lanka early Wednesday morning. I get here, JFK, at 11.30 at night. Oh my god. Just a straight day of travel. Is it going to be a party party? I hope so. Yeah.

A YouTuber Sri Lankan wedding? I just want to see. I think it's like an Indian wedding. You think? Yeah. Like a Swedish Indian wedding? Those go crazy. What is Pete doing?

Thanks, Pete. Double cups. Wait, this is a princess bride situation. Should I do this high noon ad? Do we have to go in order with the ads? Ron? I think we only have... What's this?

Oh, never mind. Do we have to go in order? Yeah, we have to go in order. Oh, that's fire. It's a muddy mix. It's a muddy mix. Mmm. Thank you, Ron.

No. We're just about to watch a Sri Lankan wedding. If you're going to drink a high noon, yeah, you can just do the high noon, though. Oh, okay. I'll do the high noon ad. I heard that a lot of Indian food is actually Sri Lankan food. I don't know if that's true. Yeah, like your chicken tikka masalas.

It's like Nepalese, actually. Really? Nepalese. I want to go to Nepal. For those airlines. Yeah, I want to go to see the Himalayas. Everest. High Noon.

Let's talk about High Noon. High Noon is a hard seltzer made with real vodka, real juice, and sparkling water. It's actually made with vodka, not malt, like those other hard seltzers. High Noon hard seltzer is the perfect refreshing drink for a hot day. They now have big cans, 700 milliliters of peach and pineapple available. My favorite flavor is watermelon, but I'm drinking a peach right now. But they're all good, so you're not even... No, this is fantastic.

Oh, this is not even a peach, this is a pineapple. They're all great, so who cares? Only 100 calories, gluten-free, and no added sugar. High Noon full-time flavors are pineapple, black cherry, watermelon, grapefruit, lime, peach, mango, passion fruit, and lemon. Limited edition flavors are pear and cranberry in the tailgate pack, and kiwi and guava in the pool pack. I've actually never had the pear and I really want to try the pear because I feel like that sounds good.

Maresh, what do you think? I haven't had it either, but I would love to join you in trying that. Great. We'll mark it. We'll think of a time to get that together. Look for them on Drizzly at your local convenience or liquor store or visit highnoonspirits.com to find it near you

we love high noon and when we see someone drinking a high noon we give them a nod because we know they get it I think the stream went down this is like

twice this week is our stream down? hell yeah it's back up it's back up now? it did go down a little earlier I think the stream went down. This is like twice this week. Is our stream down? Hell yeah. It's back up. It's back up now? It did go down a little earlier. Pete walks in and something's amiss.

I think it's a kill button. A kill switch. How is it, Ron? Delicious. Yeah? Seasonally inappropriate, though. It's a little bit more for the cold weather. It's getting nice out.

Is it nice out today? I thought it was brisk. It's a little warm. It the cold weather. It's getting nice out. Is it nice out today? I thought it was brisk. It's a little warm. It's like 48 today, 44. We're not talking about the weather. We're better than that. No. I don't want to talk about it. You're going to hit 70 tomorrow.

Yeah? I did hear you. I think so. Ali. Blackman was saying. Ali. He's about to pop out the boy shorts. Yeah.

He's about to pop out of them. Yeah, Blattman is definitely. Is Blattman like a three-inch inseam guy? I think he's shorter now. Yeah. Two? Yeah. He's just essentially a canvas speedo.

Yeah. That sounds like the name of an Indiana. Yeah, Blattman would get like dress coded if he was a high school girl. What's this? Measure his skirt. His shorts are like five inches above his. He's rolling them. Yeah.

I got dress coded all the time. Yeah? For what? For my hair touching my ears. Huh. Damn. Yeah. I used to, my mom used to not let me wear shorts to school unless it was above 61 degrees.

And I would get the zip off shorts and I would unzip them on the bus, and I felt like a badass. Yeah. I could never re-zip. Once those became shorts, that was it. It is hard to re-zip. Yeah. I have a pair of those now. Really?

Yeah, hiking pants. What do you do with the legs when you're out hiking? Like, when you zip them off, where do you put the legs? I'm in my pack, bro. Of course. You think I don't travel with a pack? What gear do you haul? What types of gear do you bring?

I don't really know. I got to get a bunch of shit for when I go to Iceland. Oh, have I said that I'm going to Iceland? No, but I was hoping you would. Oh, yeah, I'm going to Iceland. And, yeah, I got to get some stuff. I'm thinking about getting one of those, like, what are those phones? Like the radio?

The light phones? Yeah. Are you going, like, that out there? Yeah, we're going pretty deep. Now, you said, like, you want to die. When you told me, you were just like, yeah, I'm going to Iceland. I was like, dude, that's fucking insane. That's great.

And you were just like, I want to go to Switzerland, but this flight was cheaper. I did. I did want to go to Switzerland, but this flight was cheaper. I did. I did want to go to Switzerland, but I think Iceland's going to be really fun. Yeah, for sure. And that flight can't be too, too bad. Oh, it's like five hours, five and a half hours. Yeah. Yeah.

Why did you want to go to Switzerland? The Alps? Yeah. I mean, that was just like, I brought it to my friends. I was like, I want to go to Switzerland. They said, I want to go to Switzerland with me. And they were like, let's go to Iceland. It'll be cheaper.

Turns out, it's not cheaper. No? Iceland is actually the most expensive country in Europe. Yeah, once you get there, you're going to get hosed on prices. Yeah, because it's an island, so everything's like imported. No, my mom goes a bunch, though. Really? Mom goes to Iceland a lot?

Yeah, it's between here and she flies from England. So she just stops there and stops there for a few days on the way here. You did a solo week in Paris? Yeah, I did. How was it? It was awesome. That sounds awesome. Do you have any French?

I spoke a lot. I did a lot of Duolingo. Is that what it's called? Duolipa. Yeah, Duolipa. A lot of that. Man, bro. I always forget you fucked Duolipa.

Don't forget. I'm pissed. People just gloss over it for a week for one week solo What kind of shit were you eating? Some snails I don't like the French food What do you mean?

French food is like the most classically cooked food It's like if you like chicken French have the best type of chicken If you like steak, they do the best style of steak. Cheese. Something about it, man. You're racist, bro. Well, yeah, I am.

Those fucking frogs. People used to hate the French. So what are you about to do in Iceland? A lot of fishing and a lot of hiking. Yeah. I'm pretty out of shape right now, so I gotta start working out before I go. Who is the comedian that just has that hiking

show? Ari Shaffir? He takes other celebrities on hikes with him. Kevin Nealon? Kevin Nealon, yes. Oh, oh, oh. They're just so out of breath the entire time. Yeah. Those hikes in LA are deceptive, though because like you just drive to some park and then just have to walk up this steepest grade for like the first 45 minutes

no matter which one it is stupid ass canyons and stuff yeah i don't think any of the hikes in iceland are going to be too challenging but so you ever gotten lost in the woods um no i've thought i've i've thought i've gotten lost times, especially because that's the thing I'm actually excited about in Iceland, is that it's not going to be like, it doesn't get really dark. Oh, really? Yeah, by the time you go, it'll be. But I think when I go, it still might get kind of dark. It just won't get pitch black.

But there's times where it just doesn't get dark. And I've run into the problem a lot where we like we'll start the hike like too late in the day and then on the way back it'll be pitch black that's so scary that happened to me in san francisco the bay area once and i was afraid of cougars horror yeah yeah that's freaky it's super scary and you're going down you always underestimate how long it's going to take to get down and you're like are we going the right way Because we've been going down for like two hours. Let's scare Sass a little bit. What's the dangerous wildlife in Iceland?

There isn't any. Really? I looked it up. It's like a fox. It's like the most dangerous thing that they have. It's like a snow fox or some shit. I think you have to worry more about the chasms that you could fall into to your death.

Yeah, you can fall in between tectonic plates and shit. Right, yeah. You were saying, Rowan, like there's... Oh, yeah, it's the fucking arctic fox. Yeah, that's the most dangerous animal in Iceland. These animals should not be underestimated due to their cute and cuddly looks. I'm not worried about an arctic fox.

Wait, click on that link, that first link. My boy's nice with it. No, that arctic fox My boy's nice with it. No, that Arctic fox would rip you to shreds. That was an article called Things That Can Kill You in Iceland. Oh, shit.

I bet there's some sea creatures out there. You know, they got a bad case of suicide out there. Oh, yeah. Going around like wildfire. Motherfuckers are... I feel like being drunk and getting in the wrong hot spring okay so you know what's crazy so i was saying it's expensive i watched uh donnie and did a video like a he had like a 24-hour layover in iceland yeah and i

watched it it's like a really old video because it's all like mostly like green screen and stuff and um he was talking about how he went to the Blue Lagoon and it cost him $80 to swim in the Blue Lagoon. And I was like, that can't be right. So I looked it up. It's like more. It's like $90 to $100 now. To swim?

Just to swim in the Blue Lagoon. I thought that was something you just pulled over and got in. And if you go there, the beers are like $15. Is it because... I don't know what the Port of the Lagoon is, to be quite honest. Yeah, it's all because it's so remote, right? Yeah.

I think it's just like a hot spring that's blue, right? And you can do like mud baths and shit. Yeah, you get the mud, you put it all over your face and stuff. Which would be like good for your skin. That costs like another like $100 or something. You should put the mud on your face and tweet a picture.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Celtics jersey. Yeah. Damn. So how much do you think it's going to cost you?

How much are you budgeting for this trip? I mean, I'm not that worried because we're going to be going pretty remote. I think we're going

to try and camp a lot. And the flight, the round trip flight was $600. That seems low. Yeah. Super low. What airline?

Iceland Air. A little worried about that. Yeah, that thing's going to drop out of the sky. Definitely like a propeller plane. Can we pull up an Iceland airplane? I think they're normal. I think I just got it at the right time. I love their flight reviews.

The Delta flights were like $2,000 round trip. And then Iceland Air was $600. I even upgraded myself. The thing you want to skimp on is the tube. And you're going with a group of Canadians or just your friends from home? No, no. I'm going with two of my best friends. Okay.

Oh, that's a nice little place. Video game buddies. My online friends. I'm pumped to meet them. He's been playing with them for six years. You guys like have a guide or you're like, Oh, we made like a whole itinerary and stuff.

Yeah. I know there's going to be a hilarious story that comes. It's going to be something bad is going to happen. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He has like a lot of the shit is like a lot of the campsites and stuff don't open until

like June or, or like late May. Yeah. And, um, I'm worried that we're going to drive somewhere like two hours away and then we're going to get there and it's going to be closed. We had this whole plan to go to this one place and then my buddy like contacted some dude like some like charter fisherman in Iceland and he was like, you're not going to get up

there because the roads are still going to be like fucked. Yeah. And we didn't do that. We would have definitely gone up there. Yeah. That's brutal fucked it's gonna be sick though you said you're going to Iceland too right

I was going to go now I can't go I look like I'm copying you no way you wanna go to Switzerland together though I've been dying to get to Switzerland I'd love to go to Switzerland that shit looks beautiful I was looking up comparisons Switzerland is more of a fairy tale scenery

that's more of a roan trip yeah it is it really is yeah and iceland is more just like interest it's like interesting scenery i think i'd rather go to switzerland but i'm still pumped to go to iceland um i'm gonna do, I'm going to do a solo trip. Yeah. I was going to go solo. Yeah. Kind of. Like Coney Island? Why not? Fire Island for you probably.

I might just get a hotel and stay in New York. Yeah. Yeah. It's actually like not a bad idea. There's a fuck ton to do here. And it's,

you have a different kind of perspective when you're in the hotel room. You want to get out and do stuff. You jerk off way more. You jerk off a lot in hotels. As soon as you, as soon as you're in the hotel room. You want to get out and do stuff. You jerk off way more. You jerk off a lot in hotels. As soon as you close that door,

yeah. First thing I do when I go on the road is I go to the bathroom and I grab the tissues and bring them right next to my bed because I know I'm about to crank down hard.

Many times. I know that. I know you are, bro. All of our other coworkers, they tweet the video of them lower. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's just... Yeah. It's me. I literally go are, bro. All of our other co-workers, they tweet the video of them lower. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's just, yeah.

It's me. I literally go straight to the bathroom. Yeah? Yeah. And I'm not even horny. I'm just like, it's going to happen. Yeah, you just got to do it. Kate, you do the same thing?

Absolutely. Air guitar. Oh, God. Sass, I thought you were an on-the-record tummy nutter. What do you think happens when I nut? Just seeps into my skin? Yeah, wait. Why are tissues the issue there?

You think I just leave it there and throw a shirt on over? Okay, fair. Fair. Wait a minute. Che. Yeah? What? What?

You clean up. Of course. Well, I'm an alley-oop guy. What does that mean? I don't like this conversation. It actually disgusts me. Yeah. It's really gross.

He can just say, I'm an alley-oop guy. Jerking off is less disgusting than saying I'm a tummy nutter. Or an alley-oop. An alley-ooper. An alley-ooper, he means that he catches that thing out of the air. Like Miyagi went to his tummy. Into his belly button.

Ew, gross. It makes the Nickelodeons fall off. Gross. I guess it's gross if you prefer not having your secretions of your body lay on you. I guess that would be gross.

It's really not that weird. Well, yeah, you're correct because it's about a 50-50 split with this group. I actually changed my ways since that conversation. No way. It's so embarrassing to even think about that it factored in. Anyway, Switzerland is fucking beautiful. Yeah, yeah, Switzerland rocks. The snow-capped mountains.

Yeah. It's like Harry Potter. It's like the Harry Potter books. It really is, yeah. Except without all the Jews. But at least, I mean, J.K. Rowling wrote them as the villains. Holy shit.

All right. Jeez. Me and Tass are Jewish. We can say that. Yeah, J.K. Rowling wrote them as the villains. Holy shit. All right. Jeez. Me and Tass are Jewish. We can say that. Yeah, we're Jewish. Oh, fuck. I forgot. You're black and Jewish, Ron.

Yeah, I'm like Amare Stoudemire. Yeah. I'm actually, I mean, original Israelites were black anyway. We knew that, though. It's a good tasting. That looked like it tasted good. It's good stuff. It's the best.

That's the best. Dude, we did this... We filmed a sketch yesterday. We were out in Long Island, and Owen got his appendix out, and he's walking around with a cane right now. Yeah. He looks fucking awesome.

Oh, yeah. He looks so cool. Trying to get into canes. Yeah. He looks fucking awesome. Oh, yeah. He looks so cool. Trying to get into canes. Yeah. Are you trying to get into canes? So bad. Owen is, it's like the least surprising thing that Owen's someone that would get surgery and then convince himself that he's fine when he's blatantly not fine.

Yeah, he's in a lot of pain, he said. He looks like he's in a lot of pain. He always does, though. Yeah. And he's still just like, no, I'm good. And then you'll turn around and he'll be on the couch, like, huddled up. And then, like, five seconds later, he'll be up walking around. The sketch go.

It went really well. There we go. Yeah, it was very fun. Fights is so fucking funny. Yeah. What a wasted talent. Poor guy. I heard you're gonna just name the sketch show after yourself. Just write him out of the name. Yeah, we are.

Sass Radio. The Goat. What are you guys getting into this weekend? Fuck, bro. Adam? About to test drive a car. For real? Damn. Yeah. A car. I don't know. Yeah, I should test drive a car. For real? Damn.

Yeah. A car. I don't know. Yeah, I should look into a G-Wagon. Are those expensive? Yeah. Not for you, bro. Not for you, yeah.

Yeah, exactly, bro. Let's rerun an old classic. Let's give the place a call. I don't know what place I'm going to. I don't even know what type of car I want to get. You want a Volkswagen Tiguan? Is that an SUV? It's a hybrid.

Minivan would be dope. Oh, really? Are you building a crew? Oh, is this the announcement? No, not sadly, no. I'm trying to have a kid, though. That would be fucking fire. You gotta go to Switzerland first, though. Yeah, you gotta check it off the list.

You're like too much nice stuff to have a kid right now. Oh, yeah, I would resent the kid for fucking knocking over my palm tree in my apartment. But I don't know, like an SUV or some shit like that, I really don't know what to get. What should I get, a G-Wagon? You wanted that truck. A Range Rover Defender? Yeah. Those are pretty hard.

Yeah, a Range Rover. I was trying to pitch a Range Rover. You wanted that truck that had all the nooks and crannies. Yeah, the Rivian. Oh, those are tough. The electric pickup truck. But anybody who has a pickup truck is a real man, and anybody who has an electric vehicle is a pussy.

So I feel like it doesn't really, you know what I mean? Those Venn diagrams don't cross. Yeah, there's no audience. Francis has an electric. Yeah. And he's not a pussy. He did it just because he heard that they were, like, mining cobalt, and he just wanted to fucking stand in the game.

I wonder if him and Rogan are bonding about that right now. Oh, yeah, he's doing shows at Rogan's. Yeah, he's doing the mothership, yeah. Yeah. Pretty cool. He said he got passed. Wow. Yeah. At where? At Joe Rogan's. Yeah, he's doing The Mothership. Yeah. Pretty cool. He said he got passed. Wow. Yeah.

At where? At Joe Rogan's Club. By who? Adam Egypt. Who's that? You know, have you ever seen like Norm MacDonald's

old show, The Norm Show? Yeah. It was the dude, it was like his sidekick. He's also, he was the booker at the comedy store

for like years. No way. How many clubs are you passed at? Two. That's so sweet, just to say. And that's an automatic in no matter what kind of thing? You get sent a veil

and then you have to fill them out for what days you're available in the month. Then they will book you a certain amount of days a month. Shout them out, man. What clubs are they? Don't worry about it. This can only help you. We'll buy tickets to your shows

by you just sharing this simple piece of information. Trying to get past it, more clubs. But, you know, it's hard. You've got to get down to Austin. I know, the mothership. Do you think you can get any spots out there when you're out there next month? Definitely not.

Why not? Because I don't know. First of all, I don't think I would want to. I don't think I'm ready to go up there. I don't want to go up there and bomb. Francis got up there. Francis is really good at stand-up. But you were co-headlining with Francis.

That would put you on the same plane as him. Yeah, I don't know. He said it's really crazy. He said the security is insane. Yeah? It's like a Navy SEAL security. You'd think the president was there. Joe Rogan's bigger than the president. Kind of, yeah.

More people know Joe Rogan than Joe Biden. Definitely. There's no doubt in my mind. Good for Francis, man. Happy for that guy. You need another one to ask? You need another high noon? You should have Ron make you a little mixy.

No, I'm okay. You don't trust me? No. I wouldn't either. I mean, after I saw... I think he's turned over a new leaf. After I saw Nick's facial expressions after he was drinking it. I made all three of us the exact same drink.

It's delicious. What is that little spice? What are your note cards? These are my notes for the show. Oh, damn. You were writing? Yeah. Nick, it says here that you're coming out with a new show.

Yeah. Tell us a little about it. You know, everything I've been doing has been for the masses, and it's not really something I've wanted to do, and I finally am able to do a passion project. So I'm excited. What's it going to be? I'm doing titty fuck reviews I'm going around to different cans and sliding

between betwixt and just giving a review wow so it's you're doing the titty fucking it says yeah yeah interesting I'm certainly not the titties I didn't know if you were like observing someone else Yeah. Interesting. I'm certainly not the titties. I didn't know if you were observing someone else and you're reviewing how they titty fuck.

The biggest part of the titty fuck is the feel. It's not the visuals. Huh. And is it going to be the same position? You're obviously just sitting on a woman's chest every time? It's really dealer's choice um the dealer being the one the breasted uh person so you know it's gonna it's gonna be different every time you see it i feel like titty fucking is something that you like you just wouldn't feel like i wouldn't i

don't think i would feel good about doing that if i walked in on like one of my homies i would laugh so hard it can't be like a real thing that people do like often. I feel like maybe if you've been married for like 10 years and you're bored, you're like, do you want to just try? Want to get in there? I don't know. It's like, what is the girl doing? I mean, pretty much that would be like if someone just took their hand and was just

rubbing it on my leg. Yeah, you're just pretending to be really into it. It's not like they're getting any pleasure out of that. I've never been. Right? Do you think they're getting any pleasure out of that. I've never been. Right? You think they're getting pleasure out of sex? I don't fucking know. I think I'd rather have a...

Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. But we'll see how it goes. I'm too wide set. There's no... I got the Cameron Diaz. Does Cameron Diaz have wide set breasts? Yes.

I didn't realize that. Yeah. Katie says here Cameron Diaz has wide set breasts. She does. Yeah. Think about that for a little bit. It's like, you know, when you are driving a Jeep, so you notice other Jeep drivers. You do the wave.

Like you notice other similar. I was like, oh, yeah. I think the Jeep wave might be the lamest thing on earth. I drove a Jeep Wrangler and people would do it to me and I wouldn't do it back. Yeah, it's bad. My buddy in high school drove a Jeep and people would do the Jeep. It's every single Jeep person does it. They have the, I don't know how this got in my algorithm, but the Jeep meetup people.

Oh, yeah. That's like intense. I went to Jeep Jamboree once with my dad. Really? Yeah. Can't you only do it if once with my dad. Really? Yeah. Can't you only do it if you have a Wrangler? Yeah, Jeep Wave is for Wrangler. Yeah. Have you ever been in a Wrangler?

They're not comfortable cars at all. I had one for like five years. Really? Did you like it? It was so jacked up too. I had giant wheels. It was like so not me. I had a snorkel on it. The big KC lights on the top. Just a two door. I took the doors off in the summer. That's cool. That is fun. And you just see me behind there driving it.

What is the Jeep Wave? It's this. It's just a peace sign, I think. While you're on the wheel? While you're on the wheel. I rented one on my honeymoon, and I was waving out the window at every time I did the wrong, and no one would give it back. I didn't know if it was because I was doing it wrong or because I'm a howly.

I was a white dude in Hawaii and they just didn't like that. A lot of Jeeps in Hawaii though. A lot of howlies too. And that's like the only car they rent out. Yeah, I think it is too. I don't know why. I guess it's just

people fancy themselves to be off-roaders or the road to Hana. It's not as paved. It's like those fucking roads up in Iceland, man. Truth. A lot of canned fish up there and a lot of knit sweaters. Dude, they got massive brown trout.

They're huge. We're going to catch some big boys. You like trout? The massive brown trout are, they're huge. Yes. Fuck. Do you have to get like a fishing license like you do here? Yeah, we got to buy a bunch of shit.

This is going to cost you so much money. And you're just moving apartments like to live alone. Oh, you're going to be in ruin. The apartment destroyed me financially. Did you find a broker for it too? Dude, the broker's fee. I called Francis, my financial advisor and I was like, dude, is this like a normal thing to do?

And he was like, yeah it is and I negotiated it. I said, hey, any way we could knock it down to 10% instead of 15% and he said no, I could knock off $1,000 and I said okay. I thought it was 12% was broker's fee. It can be anywhere from like $8,000 to $15,000.

And mine was $15,000. So you got to do first month's rent, last month's rent, and the 15% broker fee that you don't get back plus security? No, so I did all I had to do was security, first month broker's fee. So isn't security just the price of last month's rent though? Yeah, but you can also get it back if

you don't destroy it. And the broker fee is 15% of one month of your rent? No, 15% of the year. Ooh. Yeah. What? I was going to call you and ask about it, too. Yeah, I've only ever looked up places that have no fee.

I've never had to pay a broker's fee. I had to pay 12% when I first moved here, and then during COVID, they waived all broker fees. Yeah, because they tried to make it illegal for a while. Yeah. It's a sucker text. And now it's just back. Yeah.

And I was like running. I kept on having to push off this. Like I had to go sign the lease yesterday. And I kept on having to push it off. And I started feeling like really bad for the dude. I was like, I'm like fucking this guy over. And then I finally met up with him. And he was like, yeah, I'm just kind of in a rush.

I'm going out to Miami. I've got a place out there. And I'm like, I'm just kind of in a rush. I'm going out to Miami. I've got a place out there. And I'm like, I can't believe this is the end. I'm writing him a check for thousands of dollars. I'm like, I can't believe this is the guy I was feeling bad for. Yeah. Just stealing money. He didn't even show me the apartment.

It was like one of those ones. Have you not seen it yet? Oh, I saw it. It's one of those ones where you go and you can like buzz in and it calls them. So he just lets me in through his phone and I just went up by myself like so i'm paying this guy for legitimately doing nothing nothing and he's getting in the same neighborhood you're in right uh yeah pretty close same street right that place that that area just sells itself yeah yeah to be there yeah that sucks so bad it was pretty tough this guy's definitely a grind set legend that just has properties.

And also, he was like, so Dave Portnoy's your boss? And I was like, I never even told him that I worked at Barstool. He just read it off the application. Oh, God. That's kind of a weird move to be asking me questions about the job that you just saw on the application. What's his name? Let's flame this dude if he's going to be fucking... You already paid him, right? Yeah, but I don't know. He was a nice guy. The broker's fee really rubbed me the wrong way politely robbed you yeah i've never had to pay one before i've had three apartments here wow the last apartment i had like i found

it myself i did all the work i called and then i had to pay the guy several thousand dollars this guy just buzzed you in yeah it makes no. I had to do so much shit for this apartment. I had to get like a cosigner, which doesn't make any sense because I have enough money to pay. Like I can pay the rent. I can afford the rent, but I still had to get a cosigner. And so I had my dad be the cosigner. And then the guy mailed my dad a lease and he had to get it notarized.

Yeah. Have you guys ever had to do that? Yeah. Never had to do that. I got a notary if you need one. He already did it, but. For real? We're out.

He never had to do that. I got you. Dad's a notary. He is? Really? Yeah. What? Oh, yeah.

Where was this one? He's always stamping. Yeah. What does it mean? You're just trustworthy? Yeah. It's like you are who you say you are, and everyone. I'm looking for the stamp. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's like you are who you say you are and everyone... You're paying for like the stamp.

Yeah. Yeah. I was going to Photoshop it but... I'm paying a little less than you in rent in Chicago and I have like the eight bedroom

seven bathroom. But did you already get a place in Chicago? Yeah. It's got like a... It's by Maresh's old place. It's by Maresh's

old place. No. It's a little bit larger than that one but cheaper. It's a little bit older than his old place.

It's larger than that one. It's got eight bedrooms. No way. Yeah. Seven bathrooms. Six and a half. Well, the one that you showed me was shocking.

No, I did not get a place yet. It was barely more than mine. No, I didn't get a place. I'm paying so much money just for direct sunlight. It's an extra thousand. Dude, you might not like it. I know. Bedroom is so small, but the only reason I don't care about that is because it has a nice living room.

Is that where you're going to game from the living room? You're going to game in the living room? Yeah. Don't you feel like that's a little far away from the TV? I'm going to get a regular TV to put up over to get mounted, and then I'm going to get a desk and put my small TV on there to game. Nice. What's up with the beef? Oh, with Pat Bev?

Yeah. I don't really know. Is it one-sided? It seems like it. Yeah. It infuriates him that you don't care. And the thing is, he genuinely doesn't care. It's so funny.

But it was like you called, like you called me, and I was in the middle of playing. And we were like, we actually won that game. Yeah, but he definitely wasn't winning. You could tell he wasn't dialed in. Yeah, because he was doing a podcast. Yeah, so I would never destroy my KD like that while being playing while distracted.

Why don't you just play with him? I told you, I got a tight knit squad. No, you play for eight hours, though. You can't give him, like, 20 minutes of that. You'd have to cut somebody off his squad. Yeah. You just play with him, play with my friend a little bit. Bro, like, I'm, like,

sorry. Just do me a favor and play with him. Why don't you play with my boy? Play with your boy. Does Pat bet? Is he lonely? I think so. I mean, he's an NBA. It's like this transient lifestyle. You're going from city to city.

All you have is the game. Transient? Here we go. As in basketball players fuck a lot of trans? Jesus Christ. Yeah. Yeah, they do. Why? They do. It Jesus Christ. Yeah. Yeah, they do. Why?

They do. It's awesome. Yeah. Shout out Pat Bev. Don't you fucking say that, bro. You can't say that. Put mustard on his jacket like that? It is a trans lifestyle, isn't it?

You think this shit is funny, man? No. I'm kind of just saying whatever right now. Yeah, you're just shooting. I've got a little bit of a hangover brain right now. Do you? Yeah. The last time you had hangover brain?

Yeah, I did some unspeakable thing. No, I'm... You showed us the funniest video in the world. I just haven't been drinking that much, and I drank a couple beers last night, and I woke up and I felt like shit. What were you doing last night? I watched Mean Girls, and I drank like a couple beers last night and I woke up and I felt like shit what were you doing last night I watched mean girls and I fell asleep podcast no the musical wait I heard that they're making a movie of the musical of mean girls which is based on the movie mean girls yes that's correct why did they just stick with the movie mean girls if they wanted to make a Mean Girl movie? That's a great question.

I don't know why I'm asking you. It's so popular you're asking the wrong. Yeah, you're a chick. It has to do with pop culture. Answer the question, Fitz. I don't know. Why don't you do it with a smile on your face? Speaking of that, the Joker sequel was a musical as well. Really?

Yeah. Lady Gaga. Lady Gaga's going to play Harley Quinn? Yeah. That's going to be a musical? That might suck ass. You see that new Ari Aster movie coming out with Joaquin Phoenix? No.

New horror movie? No. Also a musical. It is? Yeah. No, it's not. No. Musicals suck so much ass.

Sweeney Todd was kind of cool. Musicals aren't that bad, dude. Imagine if Cocaine Bear was a musical. Yeah, actually musicals Could improve a really shitty movie Phantom of the Opera rules Does it rule? Has anyone seen Phantom of the Opera? No I haven't either

I saw a high school My high school put on Phantom of the Opera They killed it It was fucking awesome My high school has fallen apart But our theater has the things So you can fly like Peter Pan How'd they do? They killed it. Probably gas. It was fucking awesome. Dude, my high school's fallen apart, but our theater has the things so you could fly like Peter Pan. Like the theater.

Yeah, that's all you need. Our theater's bigger than our high school. Yeah. Harness. Like, yeah. All you need is that. That's the only play that requires flying. Like, what other plays are they using that for?

They tried to do a Spider-Man, but people kept dying, right? Oh, yeah. People kept getting really fucked up at the Spider-Man musical. People were getting really fucked up. Yep. And it went, like, $4 million over budget. Yeah.

Really? That's the budget of a musical. There's a new one out now that is getting, like, everyone's like, this is the worst fucking musical I've ever seen. And I think it's Cinderella something, the musical. Bad Cinderella? Bad Cinderella, the musical. And everyone? Bad Cinderella the musical and everyone's walking out or just going to hate watch it and they're like, it's becoming

rowdy. And it was like the super famous guy, like Rodgers and Hammerstein or something. One of those all-time famous Broadway guys wrote it and I don't know. They don't like Bad Cinderella. Yeah, apparently it's hot garbage. I wouldn't know. Phantom of the Opera I guess is pretty tough. Mask is sexy. Yeah, Wicked's hot garbage. I wouldn't know. Damn. Phantom of the Opera, I guess, is pretty tough.

Mask is sexy. Yeah, Wicked is good, too. Yeah? No, no. That's a bridge too far. Songs about cats. Nursing cats. The songs in Wicked and Phantom of the Opera are awesome.

What song is good in Wicked? If I could remember any of them, I would know. Did you guys see the clip of the Spider-Man? What theme park owns Spider-Man? Isn't he? Marvel? He's like half Sony, half Marvel. Yeah, he's biracial.

And he... The Spider-Man, it's like a human body, and it shoots from a web to another one, but it didn't grab the second web, and this corpse just fell. It's not a human body, and it shoots from a web to another one, but it didn't grab the second web, and this corpse just fell. It's not a real person. It was the funniest thing. It's like when Sir Purr fainted coming down from the ceiling of the Carolina Panthers game.

Of course. Is it the clip of the Spider-Man, maybe? I'll try to find it. Shout out to Sir Purr. It's like in The Wizard of Oz when that munchkin's just dangling from that tree is that a true

I've tried to look that up so many times it's not it's not real I don't think it's true it's like that song Rollercoaster of Love

you can hear a girl getting murdered in the background yeah oh I remember that you remember that is it real though no I don't think so

yeah it seems like something they would probably just take out of the song yeah like I don't know so. It seems like something they would probably just take out of the song. Like, I don't know man, that take was so good. You really found your groove. Oh my god! It just sounded like a Skrillex song.

Somebody got murdered in that Skrillex song. Oh my god, you ass! Bangarang! Is that Skrillex? Oh yeah. Or Rufio Or KB said what? KB said what? KB said what?

I can't believe KB's not here Bro, yeah We're catching up to his Total number of episodes I can't believe you're here When was the last time you were here on a Friday? Last week The week before that.

So I guess you haven't been getting many stand-up gigs. Yeah, times are tough. Oh yeah, this is the Spider-Man. And it's like really cool in theory. Holy shit, look. He's just supposed to grab that. Whoops. Yeah, it just didn't work.

That's so funny. Where is that? Where was that? It said the Avengers Campus. I don't know what that is. Is it real? It's a Disney California Adventure Park. California Adventure. I've never been to like... Adventure Park. California Adventure.

I've never been to like... Avengers Campus. Avengers Campus. I've never been to Disney or like any park of like Legoland or... Really? Because as like a good boy, I feel like your parents would kind of reward you with... I was a good boy because I was so cowardly. I think cowardly is oftentimes confused with good.

But don't you think your parents would be like, hey, he's been such a coward that we could take him to fucking see the Magic Kingdom? Never did. Damn. I think I want to go to Super Mario World. Maybe that's my solo vacation. Where is that?

There's one in Tokyo, and then there'll be one in California. Yeah, you got to go out to Tokyo. Wait, where is it? Well, there's one in California, but since I have my passport, I might want gotta go out to Tokyo. Wait, where is it? Well, there's one in California, but since I have my passport, I might want to swing out to Tokyo. To Tokyo?

Nice. Owen kind of grunts like a Japanese man. Like, when he's, like, really, like, I picture him with his appendix getting taken out like an old Japanese guy in pain. Like a very, very disciplined. Very, very disciplined Japanese man. Very, very disciplined Japanese guy. He didn't make the noise when he was getting his tattoo.

Yeah, he did. Even the way he kind of like furrows his brow. Like, oh, it could be a little. And the way he walks with his arms and his big sleeves. You got to bring him to Tokyo. Oh, in Tokyo? Yeah. Oh, man, I don't know.

You don't think he would be able to last in Tokyo? What's that street in Tokyo that all the fucking... Main Street. Yeah, Main Street. Main Street, USA. Out in Tokyo. I got to get over there. I know, they're going to love you.

Is there a Main Street in New York City? Probably. Broadway? Broadway, yeah. Street in New York City? Probably. Broadway? Is Broadway the Main Street? Yeah. There goes Ebo. Clocking out. Clocking out early.

He was drunk, though. He should go home. And it wasn't for content. He said, please don't get me on camera. I'm fucking wasted. Rowan, this is a great... Time for another one? Yeah. I think it is.

Wait a minute. I'll let you go make me a drink if you do that ad. All right. Oh, I guess you don't have one. I got one, I got one, I got one, I got one I got one I got one Farmer's dog Oh fuck you Oh Jesus Christ I didn't know that was the second ad

Oh no I got it I got it When you look for bags of dog food you see pictures Of bright carrots and juicy steaks But when you open the bag you get all burnt Smelly pellets Dog food needs some fresh thinking Feed your dog the farmer's dog it's real fresh healthy food with whole meat and veggies gently cooked in human grade kitchens to preserve their

nutritional value just tell them about your dog and they'll deliver personalized vet developed recipes for as little as two dollars a day meals arrive in pre-proportioned ready to serve snacks conveniently delivered on your schedule dog people all across the country have ordered millions of meals from the farmer's dog it's never been easier to invest in your dog's health with fresh food get 50 off your first box of fresh healthy food at the farmers dog.com slash yak plus you get free shipping just go to the farmers dog.com slash yak. Plus, you get free shipping. Just go to thefarmersdog.com slash yak to get that 50% off. That's thefarmersdog.com slash yak. My wife's childhood dog recently switched over to the farmer's dog.

We saw her recently, and she has a whole different coat. She looks so much better, so much healthier. Nice sheen. The farmer's dog works. There is no doubt in my mind. This is better food, healthier for the dog. I didn't know that was the ad. I don't care.

I'm at the point where I can joke about it. But the thing is, if that would have happened to Brandon, we would have made him do that the next day. Yeah, exactly. And I don't think I would have batted an eye. I don't think I look at Brandon as a human. Where is Brandon? Where are they?

He's out in Chicago. Oh, really? Most of the houses that he's looking at. I will. I'm sorry. I'm in a group chat, and it's all the people that I graduated college with, graphic design. And they just said, where are you? I didn't even get invited to the reunion.

And then there's a map on the wall of where everybody is, and their name's printed in a color, and I'm just not on that. Damn. Nicoratia. Where is it? Oh, you were close to... Oh! Tarnation.

Thanks for not reacting to that so it won't be used. Yeah, that'd be great Thanks bro Thanks Ron Can I make you one too? I like the cream pants as well Do you have enough hands? I do Okay

Do you need help getting the door? Sass you have three shows tonight? Yeah I'm late too Oh Is there a Mook and Owen show tonight? I think so, yeah Nikki, you gonna do it? No Why? I'm out of jokes

No, you're not, just do the exact same jokes Forgot them Also, I didn't like them. I'll remind you real quick. I didn't like them. What do you mean? They're hilarious. Maybe I'll just give you some of my jokes that I haven't done yet, and you can be like you can test them out for me.

Alright. That's a good idea. You don't want to deal with the... Not a bad idea at all. Why do we send Ron out to get the drinks? He's like the conversation guy of this talk show. I know. Before on radio, before I had a kid, all I would talk about, I was always out doing stuff and going places and whatever. And now I have no frame of reference outside of being a mom right now because of the age he is and so i feel like my conversation skills have dried up so hard where i'm like nobody wants to hear what i did this

weekend because i was at the playground which for me is great and i love but like i was telling pat i was like i gotta start like doing stuff again yeah that's the hard part about a daily show yeah it's like i gotta like because i have nothing i'm like i need to like refill my like experiences shit because i would say the reason i do 60 of things outside of work is so i could talk have something to talk about that's what i used to like go do everything like every night here in new york city especially like after work i would go to like comedy shows or concerts or whatever like wacky bars or i don't do don't know. I haven't been to a concert in so long. I haven't been to a concert in so long. I've only really been to like three concerts though.

What one? It was the Afrobeats and Tap Dancing. You asked, Maresh sent me a text. He was like, have you ever been to an Afrobeats Tap Dancing concert? I said, dude, leave me the fuck alone. No, I haven't been to an Afrobeats Tap Dancing. And it was just so you could send a video that you were there. It was awesome.

Thank you, Ron. That guy was getting after it with the tattoos. He was tap dancing to Afrobeats. It was very cool. My last concert was this summer in Asbury Park with PFT, and it was Flogging Molly, which is perfect for my tramp stamp. Finally, other women there with similar tattoos to me, which felt really good.

You don't see that a lot. What does Flogging Molly sing? What kind of music is that? Shipping up to Boston. And we'll find ourselves in the same old mess singing drunken lullaby. Or is that the other one? Dropkick Murphys.

Is that Dropkick Murphys? I don't know. We're shipping up to Boston as Dropkick Murphys. I don't know. Yes. Is it Ska? It's like a little mix. There was a Ska band that opened up for them that were great. The Interrup Murmys. I don't know. Yes. It's like a little mix. There was a Ska band that opened up for them that were great.

The Interrupters. I guess he loves Ska. Yes. They were so good. I got after it. I had myself a time. I think that's the last concert I've been to was this summer. That's not right.

This weekend, I have to challenge myself to go do something. I was telling them my frame of reference for conversation is very small now. Because it's not like I'm going out doing stuff. And we're just talking all day. Yeah. I need to go do something to refill the jugs. Wide set. My wide set jugs.

Yeah. There'll be small jugs. Yeah. She's got the perkiest little set of jugs. It doesn't work. Google it. Google little jugs. Take safe, Sertral.

You should use that for your reviews. Oh, yeah. It would be useful. Little, yeah. The subcategory. I love just a... Go ahead. Talk your shit, Nick.

Nah, dude. I don't know what you put in this drink, but it's having me act up. I got a little buzz going. For real? Yeah. You sure it's not the Red Bull and a half? Yeah. I'm drinking the Red Bull to combat the buzz.

Yeah? That's not how that works. Yeah, it is caffeine. It doesn't fight it, though. It doesn't divide it. It multiplies it. You're drunk, and then you just get a coffee. That shit does not work.

It does. You're awake. You're drunk, but you're awake. So Red Bull Vodka's are counterintuitive? No. I just dusted you in that argument. I just took you to the woodshed That's the olden days where I go out to Indy 500 weekend

And you're up until like 3 or 4 in the morning And then you wake up super early again And you just ease right back into it And as soon as you have the first drink you're cruising again Some would say that's a problem Oh the hair of the dog Yeah a little hair of the dog

Going a little bender for the weekend Yeah a little weekend bender. You sweat from Sunday night to Wednesday night, and then you try it again. Yeah, Nick, you going to go to Lollapalooza to write a passage for your Chicago? I just don't think so. Why not, bro? Come on, bro. They say your Lollapalooza age is 100 minus the number of bands you recognize.

Oh, really? On the flyer. Is the flyer out? I think so. Think? I think so. Lala. Lala's going to be a fucking movie this year.

Yeah, it is. Is that one of the ones that you would wear like a jersey that nobody would like recognize? That's one of those ones where you just try and be as naked as you can be oh i thought that was coachella but you're not naked as that coachella which i was like bohemian lala palooza's like 19 year olds being naked is just like you have like a band-aid over your pussy and you just want it in public yeah it's like a sequin band-aid it's a sequin pussy band-aid. Just some clear masking tape. But you buried that fucking fifth of vodka last year that you're going to fucking unearth this year.

It's going to be sick. I buried one high noon. What flavor? Watermelon, bro. You know this. I know. Wrapped in a row back to keep it nice and cool. That's the thing, the insulation from from keep it cool all year round and i like to give them a nod just

because we know that they know that we get it dude last weekend i was uh i was i think i was i want to drunk on saturday night oh it's because i went to that michael jackson play i got tuned up they serve triples of wine there. Triples of wine? Like triple. You can get a single, double, or a triple. So that was like a mug of wine? It was a tall glass of white wine.

How much? I got to know. How much did it cost? For a triple in New York City. I don't know. It was probably pretty expensive. I think I got a triple of wine, a water, pretzels, and M&Ms for $51 total. So, like, not crazy, but steal.

But I was bombed that night when I got home off the wine and the fucking toe-tapping that I've been doing to fucking just can't, or, like, doesn't matter if you're black or white type of deal. And I laid down, and I was going back and forth between fucking Saturday Night Live and Bill Maher. And, dude, Bill Maher just says the most ridiculous shit. He was, like, on a predictable, like, kind of topic du jour, like, men aren't men anymore. Like, men used to really be men. And he was like, men aren't men anymore. Like, now you'll see guys on a date wearing shorts. And he was, like, fucking furious about it.

He was so pissed off that dudes wear shorts on dates like how is that the barometer of what makes a man a man like when he was growing up dudes definitely just didn't have they weren't quadzillaed out dudes weren't lifting legs like they are now now it's much more you know friendly time to have some fucking jacked ass legs just as such like a low barrier of entry of like calling calling dudes pussies these days because they wear shorts that shit is not wearing anything other than a suit on a flight as well yeah yeah like what the fuck is he talking about for the flight what happened to bowler hats what happened to stove pop stove pipe hats whatever i think i'm fucking polio insane move

suit yeah but that's like what everyone used to do i know yeah i kind of want to do it i want to Stove pipe hats. Whatever. That thing up for a flight is such an insane move. Suit? Yeah. But that's like what everyone used to do. I know. Yeah. I kind of want to do it. I want to feel, well, first of all, I think it's like a loophole to your suit won't be like wrinkled packed, right? That is the loophole.

Yeah. That's the loophole. If you don't have a garment bag. Yeah. Makes sense. I don't have a suit. I do. On the transit on the way in, I do feel a little more, I see the people in suits and I'm like,

oh, they have a real job. The rest of us are coming into the city for whatever, but that guy, the lady has got a real job. I might start dressing. In Chicago, you got to. Everyone wears suits there. I think right now I'd be the best dressed in Chicago. The classiest fit. In Pittsburgh, for sure, because I don't have a Tweety Bird pajama pants.

Yeah, big time. Cookie Monster wide brim hat. Your BMX bike. Chilling outside. Those Cookie Monster hats were so funny. That's the flattest a brim has ever been. Oh, yeah. It almost goes up.

Yeah, it's almost convex. Perfect level. It's like the meniscus at the top of a drink. Yeah, dude, they take a T-square to every... That was my first job out of high school. I was taking the T-square to Cookie Monster Brim's. Just to make sure they were level. Your girlfriend has the Tweety Bird seat covers.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Damn. Taz tattoo on the leg. Dude, Shane Gillis is in his special when he talks about his sister who wears the Steelers pajama pants. She wears a Heinz Ward. And she fell asleep on a slide.

She was on heroin, right? She went down a speed slide and fell asleep. Heroin does people crazy. Is there a lot of heroin in Pittsburgh? A ludicrous amount. Really? Yeah. That whole area is pretty bad.

Every area is pretty bad. That area is bad. It was heroin by the train stations. Great ballpark, though. Great ballpark. Hell yes. I might go next weekend. To a Steelers game?

Yeah. Should. Dirty dog. Sass, you idiot. It's not even football season. Oh, Steelers. I thought we were talking about baseball for some reason. Dirty dog. Sass, you idiot. It's not even football season. Oh, Steelers. I thought we were talking about baseball for some reason. Please clip this.

Get that on the main page. Get this on Viva La Stool. You fucking idiot. What do you have this weekend, Sass? You're interrogating everybody. Yeah. I don't really have much going on. Let's investigate the investigator.

You gotta save money. Yeah, saving money. You're house poor. Yeah, I am. I'm tired. I think it's going to be a money pit, too. Oh, yeah. I've got to buy all the furniture and shit.

When are you actually moving? I think Monday. Okay. You're just walking your stuff. Yeah, I'm just walking across the street. No, we could sell it. Let's make a content. Yeah, that's a good idea.

Get this sold. We'll just have to post an ad of the moving company that like 15 other people. Everyone's been doing that. Francis, Casey. Julio. Nate. Publicity. Yeah.

What? She had to go coast to coast. She's crushing it. Yeah. Some people just need to get outside of that Barstool shadow. Yeah. It's Cooper, Marbles, and Licity. Forget her first name is Pub.

Yeah. Like a Pub Sub. Publix. People go crazy over those Pub Subs. I don't think I've ever had one. They're all right. Okay. It's just chicken fingers on a sandwich, which is dope.

Is that like a Florida thing? Is Publix like Florida? Indiana. They do these box lunches that they sell that are legit. I used to get Heavenly Ham box lunches. You guys ever have Heavenly Ham? No. Heavenly Ham on a sourdough?

Sounds good. Where's Food Lion? Food Lion? Food Lion? Yeah. Virginia. That's down south. I used to sponsor my truck in the NASCAR game. The Food Lion truck.

And they have trucks in the game? I played NASCAR. I was probably a sophomore in high school, so whatever NASCAR game that was. And I never made it up to the big boys. I was just racing trucks. Well, up to the big boys. I was just racing trucks. Well, some of the big boys race the trucks. Denny Hamlin will race all three in some weekend.

Yeah, he's versatile. He'll do open wheel too. He doesn't give a fuck. He just loves the thrill. Yeah, fuck yeah. I got to get back out to the NASCAR races. I'd like to go to one. I would too.

Sounds fun. I need to do some shit, bro. Yeah, I'm telling you. I'm going to buy a one. I would too. Sounds fun. I need to do some shit, bro. Yeah, I'm telling you. I'm going to buy a ticket to something this weekend. You guys Monday. We all have to do something this weekend. Like go. I don't know.

I had a yak idea. I want to judge a talent show. So maybe we start like a Twitter thread. Send a video of your talent. Deem a winner. Fly them out. We'll pick three. Fly them out and pick one here.

You know what's bullshit about talent shows is that you have to have the second round. You should be able to just do your one thing, but then you have to do it in a different way that's going to wow the judges again. Yeah. Singers have such a... There's so many songs. There's like, fuck, what, 200 songs?

Yeah, they have a pretty big advantage. Isn't that exactly what Barst, what, 200 songs? Yeah, they have a pretty big advantage. Isn't that exactly what Barstool Idol is, though? Yeah. You won't give a job, though. You don't give a job. You just win the talent show. These are talented people.

Not John Rich. Oh, man. That's fucked up. He's a walking mummy right now. His video is fantastic. His jawline is fantastic. I think he made Fasoli sit on his side. That thing is

like a Nike check. A razor. Yeah. A razor blade. His metabolism must be crazy. I know. I know he's got abs. Give me some of that.

Give me his abs. Alright, man. Alright, Sass. Appreciate you, bro. Hey, let's spin the wheel before Sass has to go home. Let's spin the wheel. I'd love a talent show, though. What kind of talent are you looking for? Like, uh,

fucking magic? No, no, no. I want, like, you know how, like, on America's Got Talent, like, when that tape face guy came out, just like, this has never been. I want a brand new talent. Oh. Nick's Choice. Maybe that's what Nick's Choice

could be. A talent show. Remember that MTV show where they wanted to be something and then it followed them? Made. I need something like that. Where I'm like, I'm going to be a juggler. A juggler maybe? I don't know.

Do you want to be that? No, I've got gotta find a thing and then really i don't know i want to be a zoo keeper if they bring maid back i'd love to be a zoo keeper yeah keep training and you'll you'll get there eventually it's always like awkward ass people and like the first task is always like just talk to five people yeah talk to five strangers yeah like it's uh i don't know like that should that shouldn't be that hard i don't think i was following people doing that who have like super super like social anxiety and the therapy for that it's like go lay down in the middle of grand central and like roll across it and then you won't have shame anymore and they like make you do embarrassing shit in public exposure therapy yeah yeah your own shame anymore that's weird as fuck because like no matter how shameful i feel i always feel more shame yeah yeah the rockies closer is on the

uh on the uh d dl oh he's on the dl oh no he's on the down low he's closer is missing uh time because of anxiety that's officially on the injury report i mean uh two eagles linemen have brandon brooks missed a bunch of time and then lane johnson even had some and they played next to each other i think he caught it i think it was like mercer they shout you shower with a guy with anxiety you can get it through your feet yeah because i'll look over you'll be like why are you so nervous like let me tell you and then you tell me it's like fuck i never thought of it like that yeah millions of people are watching and waiting for us to fail.

That sucks. I'd be pissed if I was the Rockies. You're telling me your brain's injured? Sort that shit out, brother. Just do it scared, like Will Smith said. Know what he says? Yeah, he's like, if you're scared, just before you do something, you can't beat the fear, just do it scared.

What's your favorite Will Smith movie? Seven Pounds. Boring. Eight Pounds. That's the sequel. I feel like Men in Black, but more for the ambiance, that it was an era where my parents let me get a ton of candy that time, and it was a good age.

I saw Men in Black in what? It was a good age to be. I thought you said you were a mage. I heard mage, too. Oh, no. Back when I was a good age. I saw Men in Black in... What? It was a good age to be in. Oh, I thought you said you were a mage. No, no. I heard mage, too. Oh, no. It was a good age. Back when I was a mage.

You know, I was playing a lot of... Oh. I saw Men in Black in a drive-in, and that made it better for me. I've never been to a drive-in. There's one in Brooklyn. What? Is there really? Yeah, it's like on the waterfront.

Nice. For the live-action Lion King during COVID. You tune your radio to a station. The one I went to, it was right by a prison. It was good for the prisoners, but you would go and you could just stay the whole evening. Avatar again?

Yeah. Be infuriating to just be able to hear Avatar. Yeah. Not be able to enjoy it. Never seen it. The second one? The first one.

I left halfway through the first. Why? It's too dope? 3D movies. It was just too cool. This is too dope. I got tired. Yeah.

This world is too beautiful. I was afraid what it would do to me. Wasn't there Avatar Depression after that movie came out? Yes. It was like a, there was a news article about people being depressed that Pandora was way more beautiful than Earth, whatever. Yeah. Everybody was blue.

Yeah. Yeah. But not in that sense. Yeah. Damn. No, I haven't seen the new one yet. I need to, though. Doesn't he have like seven of them planned?

I think that, yeah, they have an insane, and the third one, there's like an eight-hour cut or something like that. Oh, God. Old as James Cameron. Ageless. Yeah. He can't make it through seven films. I know. This was like a ten-year gap between those two.

I know. So there's no way we're going to get seven avatars. And he's been working on it the whole time. It's not even like he took time off. He's just been grinding on Avatar. That sucks. But he was really nice to the dudes who made RRR. Did you see that clip of him talking to them?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. They were so excited. What a film. What a film. You were great. Cinematic masterpiece. It was perfect.

It was beautiful. It's been one of my favorite put-ons telling anybody about it guaranteed rave reviews telling the folks back home yeah people who don't know okay you haven't watched it yet i almost i had like it up to the other night and then i was like wait is this like a serious stressful movie or is it like no it's fun violent so i was in the mood for make movies fun again so i switched it up as opposed to women talking bro that shit depressed me so oh yeah watch it from the title but i know the premise of it and it's based on a true story too yeah it is based on

yes like what what uh group was it based on um some i want to say was in south america something like that but some like amish type group. They have Amish in South America? Dude, they're- As shocking as Native Americans in Sweden. My algorithm shows, there's, um, like straight up Amish groups like at, like quinceañeras and shit down at, like they're, they're all over the place, little clumps. What the hell? I didn't expect, yeah.

That shit doesn't make sense. That would be a terrible quinceañera. Everybody else is spending tons of money and you get like a wooden horse. Yeah. Bad news. But yeah, that movie just bummed me out. All the other Oscar movies were like pretty fun. I don't know.

Za, how long is your flight? 14 hours. Can we all recommend a movie you have to watch? Yeah, sure. I want you to watch Ip Man. I-P-M-A-N. Ip Man? Yeah, it's one of my favorites of all time.

It's my most watched movie for sure. What kind of movie is it? It's a kung fu movie. Okay. It's about a Chinese man who is wealthy. He's a martial arts master and China invades, or Japan invades, and they pit him against Japanese generals in a tournament. It's awesome.

Ip Man, right? I-P-M-A-N. I'm downloading it right now. pit him against Japanese generals in a tournament. It's awesome. IPMAN, right? IPMAN. I'm downloading it right now. I'm going to suggest that you watch Oldboy. Ooh, that hallway scene. That's sick. Have you seen Oldboy, Za? No. I'm not much of a movie watcher, you know.

This shit is fire, bro. Every part of the movie is visually stimulating. It'll tickle all of your senses, excite you, disgust you. It will give you the full spectrum of emotions. Kate, what's Zah watching? UHF with Weird Al. Yeah, hell yeah.

UHF with Weird Al. I can tell you were... What the fuck is that? That was your formative years. It was the formative movie for me, yes. Running with Scissors? I've never seen that one. It's an for me. Yes. Running With Scissors. Good album. I've never seen that one.

It's an album. Oh, his Running With Scissors. I thought you were talking about the movie. Isn't there a movie, Running With Scissors? I don't know. I just know that Weird Al's album was called Running With Scissors. Yes, that was a big Weird Al. That had the Night Santa Went Crazy on it.

The Night Santa Went Crazy, that joint's hot. Yeah, it is. Yeah. I remember our local radio station played Amish Paradise. I don't know why, but on a 24-hour nonstop loop. And I thought it was the funniest thing. It wasn't Y100. But yeah, it was one of the secondary.

I thought it was Q102, maybe? Maybe. That makes sense. Q102 was like pop music sense I thought it was the funniest thing Maresh what should I watch I watch Shaun of the Dead it's that hot fuzz

or At World's End great films any Edgar Wright directed movies what's the pub they go to in the Winchester Edgar Wright is movie is funny. What's the pub they go to in Toronto? The Winchester. Winchester, yeah. Edgar Wright is a master of comedy.

I watched a good YouTube video on how he makes mundane scenes funny. Really? Yeah. How does he do it? So the way he does how somebody would just do, if this guy's traveling from point A to point B, they would just do maybe a drone shot or something like that. He does all these hard cuts, all these minor details.

It's really a good watch. Huh. Did you glean anything from it that you're going to use in your own work? In your titty fuck series? Yeah. Yeah, there's going to be, there's going to be, so Edgar Wright did Scott Pilgrim versus the world. And when he's pissing, he has a piss bar.

But I'm going to have a, I'm going to have a bust meter. That's dope. Holy shit, that's dope. Who's your editor for that, Fasoli? Yeah. Yeah. So he's managed to cut the first one down to 52 minutes. You can do the rest of the editing yourself.

But you're probably going to want some scenes back in there, though. He's a little, you know know liberal with the cuts we should collab you want to fuck my titties i'm saying we double dog i'll i'll uh i'll make you come quick if you fuck my titties brother thank you man i'm talking like 49 50 minutes doubt it and i will Doubt it. I bet I will. Mine are close set. Really? Lucky. Opposite ears. My nipples go inwards.

Like the points, I don't have points. I have valleys. Pat has that in the middle of his. They go in a little bit. Interesting. What's up with that? I don't know. It's probably an estrogen thing.

You got to show Pat RRR. Yes yes he would love it yeah he'd love it maybe we'll watch it tonight we'll get crazy your thing that could be your thing that you do yeah i gotta go do something what's what's what's pat what's next in his playbooks he had the the chainsaw massacre release that was fun exciting and yeah they have a video game coming out in august and it's the most violent horrible shit I've ever seen in my entire life. What's it called? Literally you just run around like physically stabbing people to death and like

chainsawing people to death. Are you the Texas Chainsaw Massacre? It's like teams of you like sign on online and then you're put in a team of either three or four and so you're either on the good guy team or the bad guy team and then you all just try and fucking murder each other like on farms and shit. I don't know. liberal media gonna love that yeah i was like shocked watching the promo for it i was like were you like offended i was like what the fuck

it's like what the fuck is this and he's like oh this is a good thing i was like okay all right like when parents heard motley crew for the first yeah yeah it's uh so that's going on he's got all kinds of things going on. That was a long pee. Yeah, it was shitting. Okay. What was it like? It was good.

It was fun. Is it a protein shit? No, no. Splatty though? No, not really. It's textbook S-shaped. No, no way. The way he's S-ing.

It's emoji shaped. Shit emoji. I was wondering what emoji. No, no way. The way he's S-ing. It's emoji-shaped. Shit emoji. I was wondering what emoji. It's a stack. Coiled up like a snake. It's a healthy stack. How many stories? A lot.

It's like the Guggenheim. Yeah. Coil. Yeah. Gross. That's freaking gross man Why'd you say that? I'm an honest man

Now you're perverted man This poop humor doesn't fly with me Have you guys ever Do guys send each other Like look at this hilarious poop I took Or not really I'm self conscious I almost did that today

I almost said it to my friends And then I was like eh Wait from this one? No earlier today You've done twice today? You're on a heater Yeah You've had two funny ones today?

Two funnies, yeah. Caleb used to send me the fucking... Comedy Central in there. His shit was just like the longest unbroken chain. That's why I almost took a picture of my earlier one, because it was just like... It had to have been more than a foot long. Yeah.

So it went down the tube but broke the water? Yeah. Yeah. Those are wild. It was like after he got his stomach surgery, and it was like his shits were on steroids. It's like every single one of them was like perfect, unbroken, double tapered. Just like...

Caleb has stomach problems too, right? Yeah. He had stomach problems, and he got some kind of surgery, and it's like got him pooping like a god. When I worked at an orphanage, the kids, the medicine they were on made them very constipated. When did you work at an orphanage? I did it

summers in college. Yeah, St. John's Home for Children. But the kids, they were on a lot of medicine to where they would be constipated. But when they did poop, it was like a week's worth and so i had my job it was they weren't a lot of flush so i had to go in there and deem if they could be flushed and there was a plunger but the the plunging side was always the clean part because you would have to break them in half with the stick this is chaps had people talking about their poop knives in their homes

and so many people responded to him being like yes our family has like a poop knife that we keep under the bathroom sink. Like families have like spatulas and poop knives and like whatever for if the house plumbing is weak. That their mom's like, you better use the poop knife. I feel a big one coming. I'll just put a cigar cutter between my cheeks. Interesting. That's like a thing people have in their homes. I just have like a layer of spikes at the bottom, like a thing people have in their homes. Dice it up.

I just have like a layer of spikes at the bottom like a trap in the Vietnamese war. Vietnam. Just falls on skewers. It's always tough though when it's like an emergency at your house and you have to re-put the twigs and leaves over top of the spikes.

I can't poop unless there's twigs and leaves. Have you ever shit outside on a hike, Sass? No, but I've shit in the woods while playing golf. Yeah? I had food poisoning. Oh, so it was not even like a funny... It was like a nightmare. It's hard to poop.

I had to have someone come pick me up on a golf cart. No way. Like, horrifying. Did your friends see you doing it? Dude, as kids, I didn't know. What? Was it during an actual competition? It was, like, at camp.

I was in, like, a random, like, foursome, and I had to be like, I have to shit in the woods. I was like, I'm gonna shit. How far out did you, was there enough woods for privacy? Fuck is... Uh, yeah, a little bit. Go ahead and get it. Take that. That's Chase. How far out did you, was there enough woods for privacy?

Yeah, a little bit. Go ahead and get it. Take that. Chase. Chase Bank. Uh-oh. Asteroids. I fucking hate them.

Answer them. They're probably telling you you can't move into your apartment because you just fucking. It's a whole thing. Dropped a check for 15 grand. I heard that joke you made about Hogwarts. Yeah, yeah. For shutting down your bank account, Kanye. Oh, my God. Kanye doesn't hate the Jews anymore.

Maresh, you went to this sick spot. You sent me a picture of, like, up on, like, a balance beam with, like... Oh, yeah. What was that spot uh well like once a month like my girlfriend and i do like surprise date day a lot of hearts just broke on chat i know surprise date night and so she uh she picked this place in brooklyn called area 53 who's in this warehouse i know exactly yeah it's right it's right by where i live oh i should have hit you up bro you should have bro that's my spot you have 53 what is like a, it's right by where I live. Oh, shit. I should have hit you up, bro. You should have, bro. That's my spot. Are you a 53?

What is it, like a club? Kind of. They got a DJ in there, and then they've got like ziplining and like- Holy shit. Like a ropes course and shit. I was like a club, yeah. Yeah. DJ, zipline.

You're a clubhouse. Yeah, yeah. And- Like laser tag and shit. Yeah, paintball. Damn. Yeah, that's the one I want to have. Yeah, that's- We should go there. Yeah, paintball. Damn. We should go there after this. That's the fun I want to have.

Yeah, that's... We should go there. An experience. That's a thing. That would be fun. There's a lot of laser tag on that street. I want a laser tag. There's like five different laser tag spots.

Really? We should do a laser tagging after this. We should do a laser tag crawl. Yeah. Oh. Yeah, yeah. The first ever. That would be crazy.

A laser tag crawl. There's never enough. We're trying to hit all the spots in one day. Never been done. Wake up the next morning feeling like shit. Oh, dude. Those LEDs.

Never let me do that again. We're all blind. That would be crazy. I would do a laser tag. Dude, I would go to laser tag today for sure. I would too. Yeah, that would be fun as fuck.

Let's do it. Yeah. Brown can't. He probably has to be fun as fuck. Let's do it. Yeah. Ron can't. He probably has to do something. He's got to go get a car or some bullshit. Can we decide what car you're getting yet? Oh, G-Wagon is the best. It's the only thing that anyone suggested.

What about a Hummer H2? Are those the really big ones? No, H1 was the big boy. Oh, H1? Yeah. Whatever happened to that electric one that LeBron was promoting for a bit? The last year Hummer was active, I think they sold like 200 in the entire boy. Oh, H1? Yeah. Whatever happened to that electric one that LeBron was promoting for a bit? The last year Hummer was active, I think they sold like 200 in the entire country, which isn't good.

Wow. They were so dope, though. Really bad. Yeah. They should be selling 200 in like a city, minimum. Yeah. People were talking about gas guzzlers at that time, though. Oh, yeah. Gas guzzlers. that time, though. Oh, yeah.

Gas guzzlers. Remember the drink guzzler? No. Oh, it was good. Remember the energy drink cocaine? Yeah. That was hilarious. That was good.

What happened to that? They changed it. It was called No Name, I believe, and it did even better in sales because people were just like, you know what this is. Cocaine. Yeah. Rhymes perfect. Have you guys ever seen the pre-workout names? The pre-workout names?

Oh, they're called like devil fuck. Black matter. Yeah. Can we do like pre-workout or dick pill or gas station dick pill? Dick pill, pre-workout, or IPA names are all interchangeable. Yeah. Arrogant bastard IPA. Blood fart.

This one's called meth. I knew that would get you, Kate. Yeah, it did. Blood fart. Immediately. Blood fart was the name of a band in a movie. Cannibal riot, psychotic. That would be a really fun game.

Is it an IPA, pre-workout, or dick pill? It would be damn near possible. I've never taken a dick pill. You should take Swag. You're 22. Drew, what do you guys take? The rhino ones? What the fuck?

Dick, you take them all the time. You've always got a plastic baggie filled with them. He rattles them in his hand like Skittles and then just pops a handful of them. They have pussy pills? They don't, but they should. Actually, I bet they do. Makes my pussy so hard. My clit is throbbing.

You just want to soak your jeans on the way to the club? It's like my clit's going to fucking explode. That would be a hell of an ad. Soak your jeans on the way to the club. Pink pussy cat. Wait, really? There's pussy pills? Yeahade. Pink pussy cat. Wait, really? There's pussy pills? Yeah, the pink pussy cat pill.

What do they do? Can you do a review? Dude, Morpheus handing you one. Yeah, make your pussy cat purr. Well, what happens if a dude takes one? Maximum arousal. Your asshole is soaked. Yeah, your ass starts lubing itself.

These are pussy pills. Mixed them up. Misread the packaging. You'll be hungrier for sex than you've ever been before. Maximum arousal. You guys ever seen Basketball Diaries? Yeah, when they're taking pills. They take the downers instead of the uppers before their basketball game.

Yeah. Is this the Trans Diaries their basketball game. Yeah. Just the trans diaries. What? Because basketball. Oh, shit. We're all back. We've gone full circle. Always active listening.

72 hours. 72 hours. Jesus Christ. Christ. Three full days of hard pussy. Do you need better vaginal lubrication for 72 hours? Who doesn't? Oh, my God.

If you're for Lollapalooza, your tape's going to be slipping off. You've got to get a waterproof bandage, dude. Interesting. Gross. Gross. Funny when we're talking about dicks. Yeah. Otherwise, it's gross.

Funny when a dick is hard as fuck. Ebony said save her a drink. She just texted me. She must be going through some shit right now. Hard dick is so funny. Nothing funnier than hard cock. It's so dope. It's just like a reminder of where all life starts.

It's like seeing God. Yeah. Men were secretly dosing their girlfriends with pink pussycat. They almost really get the waterways going. Is that what it does?

It was going on in England. It's a prank they said. Just pranking their girlfriend. Pink pussycat. My goodness. Ew. Doctor, what's happening to my fanny? Yeah. My fanny's like Niagara Falls.

That shit's gross. What is it? Cuttlefish? That makes gel come out your butt? Have you ever heard that? No, I haven't. Cuttlefish, I think, is the fish that makes people... Gel out their ass?

It creates a gel that it's not like you fart and it comes out. It just starts coming out. I had a friend who ate cuttlefish and texted me from work. It was like, I have orange gel. Oh! Out of my ass. That's my wheel slice. Cuttlefish?

You don't have to eat cuttlefish. Why do they serve it? Yeah. Apparently, it's pretty good. It tastes like ass, but it will make your ass gel. Orange. Yeah. Why do they serve it? Apparently it's pretty good. It tastes like ass, but it will make your ass gel. Orange. It'll make orange

sewage seep from your... That's the Nickelodeon logo. Getting gacked with cuttlefish butt juice. You get the kid's choice award. And there's butt butter just pouring on you from a bucket. Rose! Dan Schneider's asshole. Oh, gross, dude.

That's what turned Amanda Bynes crazy. The Teen Choice Awards, they just gave you a surfboard, right? Imagine having to go home after that. Zac Efron just has a house of surfboards. He went a bunch. For sure, bro. Corbin Bleron just has a house of surfboards. He went a bunch. For sure, bro. Corbin Bleu.

Corbin Bleu just has fucking goat. He won best hair. Best kiss, best hair. He won it all that year. Clean sweep for Corbin. Have you ever seen the Spike TV man awards? Have you ever seen the categories? Can we pull those up?

What was that show they had on Spike? Like Average Joes vs. Pros? Pros vs. Joes. Pros vs. Joes. That was hilarious. All I ever watched on Spike was Deadliest Warrior and that show was fucking awesome. So I almost got cast

in college for a similar type show. Oh yeah, you were telling me about this. So it was my super senior year, my victory lap of college.

My parents were on me for not having a job. Orphanage wasn't open at the time. Ran out. Ran out of stock. Ran out of kids because you were

too good at your job. I was so bad at my job. You were so good at selling them that. Ran out. Ran out of stock. Ran out of kids because you were too good at your job. I was so bad at my job. You were so good at selling them that you ran out. Sell me this boy. But I made an audition tape for, it was when the movie Maze Runner came out with Dylan O'Brien. And they were doing a reality show on MTV. And I made a video submission. I submitted it to show that I was trying to get a job to my parents as a joke

and it was the last day of submissions and on the website it was all the videos you could upvote the ones that you liked I ended up getting like three upvotes because I submitted it the last day and then I'm in class and I got a call and it's like hey we liked your video we're moving you on to the next round which was the interview stage

and then I got the interview for Maze Runner and then the show just never happened i think maybe dylan o'brien may have gotten hurt on set or something so the movie was postponed therefore like the game show was postponed but they were like we had you're perfect for another reality show we're planning where it's you paired with one of the most elite members of each branch of the military so it was like like a pros versus Joes, but I would have been with the best Navy SEAL doing challenges. And I was just like, no thank you. And they kept on calling me for years after for me trying to do it.

No way. Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah. I would have watched the shit out of that, to be honest. Yeah. What they saw in you. My video, I think, was pretty funny.

But were they like, why pair you with a military guy? Just because you're the most opposite of that? Yeah. Interesting. I don't know. You got those camo pants now. I have camo pants.

That is something military guys wear. We wear those and I'm walking next to you people give us the weirdest looks. Yeah. I have a gun on me right now.

You all do. Yeah. You get your gun as soon as you come into the office Welcome to the stool You're gonna need this Yeah so what were the awards Yeah I wanna see these

Biggest ass kicker William Neeson John Claude god damn Yeah that was an award Guy of the year Chris Pratt Funniest motherfucker. Go, LL Cool J guy. Chelsea Handler. Funniest motherfucker was Chelsea Handler.

Decade of hotness. Salma Hayek, well-deserved. Wait, what's most dangerous? What did Terrence Howard do? Guy Conn, Jake Gyllenhaal. That's bullshit. Chris Pratt, guy of the year. Brass Ball of the year Sir Ben Kingsley he was there for the awards he went to get it

yeah for his role in Gandhi can we go to the year prior I think I've told this on here before but they had to fill the tables at the Spike TV awards these awards that Manly or whatever the fuck these are.

And so a lot of times shows out in LA area will call down to Camp Pendleton and be like, can we have some Marines for this? So they took a bunch of Marines from my unit to the Spike TV Awards one year. And it's like table, dinner, seating during the awards with an open bar. So during the commercials, you can run over to the open bars and get whatever. And I guess one of our Lance Corporals drank too much of the bar and he was at a table with i think jessica beal and because they were like spread them out in their dress blues around the tables and he ended up vomiting on the table all across it passing out to the point where they couldn't

like revive him and they had to like bring in the people and like pump his stomach like right outside ambulance whatever our whole unit got in like a ton of trouble. And it was like a whole thing that they were supposed to be able to go to this after party at like Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles with the celebrities and blah, blah. And they all had to get like sent on a bus right back home. And that one guy went to the hospital. Shout out Lopez. I'm sure he's doing great now. Fucking Lopez.

Yeah, fucking. Bastard. It's a Lopez move. Lopez. It's my Spike TV Awards anecdote. I was not invited to go. 2014 they had Troops voted Best Actor of the Year and it was Mark Wahlberg.

Really? When did Lone Survivor come out? The year before it was Vin Diesel. Shooter, great film. I watched Maze Runner this week or I tried to. I don't know if it's good. Holy grail of hot, Chrissy Teigen. Chrissy Teigen, Nina Agdahl, and Lily Aldridge.

Troop's choice for Entertainer of the Year, Mark Wahlberg. Decade of Hotness. Key of the Year, Eddie Lacey. Outstanding literary achievement, Grumpy Cat, Grumpy Book. Emma Stone versus Emma Watson for Hottest Emma. Interesting. I would love to be in the room that thought up these awards. Most man-ticipated movie.

Burt Reynolds. Man of Steel. Yeah, I bet you'd love to be in that room, Kate. I would. No fucking chance. Yep. Guys only. Our new girlfriend.

Oh, yeah. Wow, two people were up. Best Lincoln. Abraham Lincoln versus Abraham Lincoln. Who won that? Oh, no. It's Abraham Lincoln versus Abraham Lincoln, the vampire hunter. Damn.

I've re-watched the Daniel Day-Lewis Lincoln. I thought that was pretty good. Yeah, I liked it. If you guys didn't, let me know. Hot and funny. Emma Stone versus Kristen Wiig. Who won? Stone.

Looks like Stone won. They can be both. They should do hot or funny. Yeah. You decide. Guy of the year Brad Pitt versus Louis C.K. What? Louis C.K. What? Louis C.K. was in his prime.

Still got beat by Pitt, though. All these are awesome. Yeah, what a great time. Holy grail of hot. Jim Carrey was the funniest motherfucker. You look good as Minka Kelly. Disagree. Most Man-ticipated movie, Cowboys and Aliens.

Hell yes. It was a banger. What's the difference between Most Man-ticipated Movie Cowboys and Aliens Hell yes That's a banger What's the difference between Most Man-Ticipated and Guy Movie of the Year? Seems like those have to be pretty similar Maybe the Man-Ticipated hasn't come out yet

Does that say Brass Balls Keith Richards? The old guy from Jim Carrey Funniest Motherfucker Keith Richards is like a basketball player Does it say

Duchess of Hotness? The Duchess of Hotness? The Duchess of Hotness. The Guy Movie Hall of Fame. Oh, Arian Foster was nominated. Legend. Hey. Fucking legend. We got to fucking bring these back, man.

This and the Wing Bowl. And the Lingerie Football League. I like how they just throw in outstanding literary achievement in every year after like holy grail of hot unstoppable jock outstanding literary achievement

most fuckable pussy yeah best novella best screenplay developed yeah from a short story hot and funny you guys wanna go play laser tag?

Yeah. I'm down. Nick, you did a great job hosting today. Nobody hosted today. Facts. That's true. That's weirdly true. Great hosting, Nick Central.

Oh, thank you. Thank you. Yeah. That's the fuck I was talking about. And you guys can all see us at the various places that we're going to be this weekend. If you're down in Exton, PA, the 55 and up community,

I'll be there with my son. And we banged all these ads too, right? Yeah. We did. We're legends. Spun the wheel, banged the ads, drank some muddy little juices. Muddy juice. The rest was here. Perfect day. I posted my dump too. Oh, banged the ads, drank some muddy little juices. Muddy juice. Rush was here. Perfect day.

I posted my dump too. Oh, you posted the photo dump? I posted the mean post. It's crazy. I haven't liked it yet. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. Please don't. Alright, see you guys next week. It's a perfect day.

Nothing's standing in my way. That's time to talk shop and do a Yankee sub. It's the act. It's the act.