The Yak - Hey Mike Evans, Be Careful Of You're Gonna Make Steven Cheah MELT | The Yak 9-20-21

Episode Date: September 21, 2021

What a heel turn by bwalkYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Alright, welcome in, it's the act. It's the act. All right. Welcome in. It's the act. It's the act. Four of us. I don't... I guess we don't let each other know anymore?

I guess not. Where's those little brown-headed boys? Yeah, where are they? I don't know. I have an announcement. I would like to congratulate my good friend Brandon Walker because I don't know if people saw it this weekend, but he changed his Twitter header to stand with social justice and players kneeling. You never had the French flag overlaid on your profile picture.

Incredible. You finally have said, you know what? When players take a knee, I stand with you. I support you. First of all, don't put that evil on me. I have an evil. This was your Twitter profile. This was your Twitter profile. It is clearly a player taking

a knee. It is clearly a player tying a knee. I don't even know what happened. Without context, that is exactly what happened. You're ascribing an evil to me that I didn't perpetrate two years ago. I never stood against this. I never stood against people kneeling. No, I know.

It took you a few years to come around. No. But you have finally here. I never disagree with players kneeling. Yeah, it's an acquired taste. Yeah, right. You're finally saying, you know what? I hear you.

I wouldn't kneel, but I stand by their right to kneel. But what was that? What was the famous tweet from some brand? Like, I hear you. I wouldn't, Neil, but I stand by their right to, Neil. What was that? What was the famous tweet from some brand? Like, we hear you. We see you. We hear you. Yeah. And we're going to keep listening or something.

That's Brandon this weekend. That's you this weekend. He finally said, you know what, guys? Can we put that up again real quick? Is that your header? Yeah. Well, he changed it back. You changed your profile picture

it was my avatar he didn't he he was supporting the players kneeling for a day and then he switched it back to himself because he's a narcissist and he's very vain so he needed to be himself but brandon i saw you do that and i want to say congratulations. Welcome to the discourse. Welcome. Welcome. Anything for the calls, guys. Anything for the calls. Did you not realize when you did that? That was the first thing I thought of.

I was like, wow. I don't care. Brandon, finally. Again, I cast no judgment on anybody who ever kneeled. But no, I obviously did that because that ball was down. Was that a pregame? Was that pregame? That ball was down. That was on a because that was that pregame that ball was down that was on that was on a punt that was erroneously judged during the anthem or a moment of silence it was

during the game he took a knee during the game so when the ball should have been the ball was down yes the ref started doing this the ref you know the ref started doing this and into the play except for one memphis player who picked it up ran for a touchdown. It was bullshit of the highest order. You know it was bullshit. Congratulations. I'm very happy. You think I've finally crossed the line? I've finally crossed into being socially acceptable? I'm progressive now?

One more lib. Uh-huh. In the stool. Just change. Put a little rose next to that Twitter handle. You should. Okay. All right.

All right. So that was the first order of business. The second order of business is Stephen Che just continues to amaze me. I don't know how he does it. Is this the melt thing? I don't know how he continues to shock me, even though I know him so well and I've known him for five years now. But he tweeted on Sunday, I love that Mike Evans will give the ball to kids and adults alike. I'd probably melt if he ever threw me a TD ball.

Che. Che, you're a father of two. So? Does that mean I can't have fun? Can't get happy? Just because I'm 35? You wouldn't be excited if Justin Fields ran a touchdown and you were there and threw your ball? I'd probably give it to a child next to me.

I'd give it to my kid. I'd take it home and give it to my kid. You would make sure that no kids around you would get it. Unless they're mine, no. Does your kid want that ball? He will when I explain the significance of it to him. Did another grown man did an accomplishment and then handed me it? If it was a baseball, then yeah, I would probably give it to a kid.

But a football? There is a visibly pouty kid right next to you. Yeah. What would you do? Without hair. We don't know how he didn't get hair. No, it could be a stylistic choice, or he could be a Nazi. You don't know which type of child.

Richard Spencer's child is sitting next to you. It's a dicey game. I mean, I don't want to make assumptions. It's a 50-50. Sick child, Nazi child. No, thank you. I mean, it's sick that Mike Evans will throw the ball to adults. Wait, can we play sick child, naughty child?

It's a nat four in here. Wait, so it is a nat four. So, Steven, you would melt? You would melt. Dude, it'd be sick. Tell me what it looks like for a grown man to melt. Give me the sound. I don't know.

First of all, I'd be there to witness a touchdown really close. Then, you know, you obviously make eye contact. Those never happen. I mean, when you're, like, really close, you know, he throws you a ball. It would be sick. I'd probably be beside myself. Don't you think it was the Mexican use of melt? You have to give that ball to a kid.

I think melt is what a woman does when she gets proposed to. You could have said I'd be ecstatic. I'd be overjoyed. But the usage of melt is what threw people off. The feeling I would get would be like I was being proposed to. Double down.

Yeah, you really doubled down. That was a triple down. You went past double. No, it'd be incredible, yeah. It would be a moment of a lifetime. So, birth of your two children, then Mike Evans throwing you a TD? Or maybe birth of your son, then Mike Evans TD, then birth of your daughter. They'd all be on the Mount Rushmore for sure.

Melt. A man... He would melt. A man ten years younger than you. He's melting. He's melting. I'm a fan of my thing. Brandon loves college football. It's all... I'm a fan of my team. Brandon loves college football.

I don't think Brandon melts. Again, it's the idea of your team scoring a touchdown and a player throwing you the ball. That's cool. I'm not going to shit on that. Melt is the word that threw me.

I can't think of a more accurate word to describe it. You met the team. You exchanged garments with the players. You put that up par. Like a man melting is like walking your daughter down the aisle. That's a melt. That is a true melt. I'm going to Twitter search.

Mike Evans scoring a week two touchdown against the Atlanta Falcons. Melt. I mean, you have to think about it. The emotion's already heightened because you're right there. They just scored a touchdown. Yep, yep. I thought a lot about it. All right, well, I don't think that you really get it.

No, I get it. We get it. The melt. I mean, I don't understand what I'm supposed to be just like super cool, but like, oh, that was sick. And just hand it to a kid. Like, what? Yes. No, I'm allowed to have fun.

You are. Fun is the moment. You would still have the moment even if you gave it to a kid. No. And having that ball the rest of the day would suck. Can we get Mike Evans to maybe send us a ball? No, it would be the same. No.

I'm talking about like in the moment. What if we got a ball? Yeah, that would be cool. Like, whatever. Like, he kind of wants the ball. Yeah. No, no, no, no. I'm not concerned about this ball that you just threw out there.

No, no, no. It would be about the moment. It would be about, you know, it just happened. You're so excited. It's like, oh, shit. There's five seconds in the making. So, you give the ball away. So, can I ask you a question?

When Cam Newton used to do that with little kids, were you jealous of those kids? Hated those kids. Fuck that fucker. He hasn't done anything. No, no. I think kids should absolutely be the first choice. Because I think we're overlooking part of the tweet. He thinks it's cool that he gives the ball to adults and kids alike.

He's an equal opportunity. He likes to give it to adults. Yes, he doesn't. He's not ageist. Mike Evans knows that adults deserve balls, too. I mean, hey, just because I'm 35 doesn't mean I don't like to have fun. No, I know. No, we know that. I deserve to feel joy. You do. You deserve balls, too. I mean, hey, just because I'm 35 doesn't mean I don't like to have fun. No, I know. No, we know that.

I deserve to feel joy. You do. You deserve to feel joy. More than anybody I know, you deserve that, Steven. Hard to argue. It's still, yeah. Yeah, I mean, melt. I need a sound effect.

What is the melt sound? You've got people in the box. We could get in front row. I know. We could set this moment up. Yes, like, yeah. Yeah. You've got people in the box. We could get in front row. I know. We could set this moment up. Yeah. I mean, I don't think anyone is actually comprehending what I'm thinking about.

No, we are. We are. We totally get it. Melt. Melt. If you were a player, would you ever throw a ball to an adult? I'd probably keep the ball, but... You selfish prick.

No, I mean, yeah, like the guys who threw it to her were in Mike Evans' jersey. That's cool. Those guys are supporting you. It's nice to show them some love. It's a cool moment. It is a cool moment, but melt. Those guys didn't melt, though. Again, it's...

I'll triple down on that. It's not the moment. The moment is cool. It's the verbiage. I'm going to Twitter search, I'd melt if, and see if there's any men. No, it's all K-pop fans. Can I please get a sound effect of melt? It's not like something I could just cook up.

No, that was heebie-jeebie. Yeah, that was. But I think there's a little bit of that in it, because you would clearly have a chill down your spine and excitement. Mel has a dash of heebie, but... Let's ask John. John! John! John, come in here.

Come here, come here, come here. All right, I'm going to phrase it. Is he wearing his shoes? Hopefully he hasn't seen it. John, did you see any tweets from Stephen Che yesterday? No. Okay, perfect. John, you're see any tweets from Stephen Che yesterday? No Okay, perfect John, you're what, 32 now?

33 33, wow Okay, Jesus Died You're dressed like Shaggy from Scooby-Doo Your mustache is awesome Your mustache is awesome 33-year-old man

You're in the end zone Let's say, let's even throw it back two years Tom Brady's still the quarterback of the Patriots I Let's say, let's even throw it back two years. Tom Brady's still the quarterback of the Patriots. I don't agree. This is going. All right. Julian Edelman catches a pass from Tom Brady.

You're standing, you're in the end zone. Julian Edelman sees you, doesn't know it's fights. Let's take out your celebrity status. Throws you the ball. Uh-huh. What would be the verb to describe your emotions in that moment uncomfortable thank you perfect Stephen says he would melt it would be awkward and uncomfortable and I I'd know like cameras on me I'd be like get this fucking thing out of my hand give it to to a kid. Give it to a kid.

Not melt. That is, I've always said that when you get up. I don't think about it often in football because it's a pretty rare one there. But when you go to a baseball stadium, you've got to look around you, find a young kid. Identify where the kids are so you can catch a ball. Melt. For sure. That's adorable, though.

I think that's really cute. What is Sass doing? Sass just walked by. He just ignored us. Oh, Beeman, come in here. Beeman. Thank you, John. You answered that perfectly.

He doesn't like fun. No, he likes fun. John likes fun. I have hung out with John. He likes fun. You excited? Beeman? Beeman, you have a date this week?

It's not this. No, it's fucking not. Kyle. Kyle Bauer? Do we have a title? It's a pleasure. Well, he lost in not. Kyle. Kyle Bauer. Do I have a pleasure? Well, he lost in Family Feud. Oh, I forgot. It was a punishment. Yeah, it was a punishment.

Where are we going? What are we doing? Right there. Sitting right there during the yak. He's going to buy you lunch. And you guys are going to talk for the whole hour. Your choice. We don't have to talk for the whole hour.

No, you have to talk for the whole hour. We can just look at each other. No, that's worse. I'd rather look at the ground and talk to you than look into your eye. What would you like? What's your favorite and least favorite food? Good question. Ebony.

I like Los Toros tacos. What is it? Los tacos. Los tacos. Los tacos, number one. Dos Toros or Los Tacos. Not Dos Toros tacos. What is it? Los tacos. Los tacos. Los tacos, number one. Dos Toros or Los Tacos. Not Dos Toros. That sucks.

Los Tacos. That's for lunch, goddamn. Least favorite? Probably something inedible. I don't know. Like a rock. Okay. That would be the bottom of the list, I would assume.

A rock. I'll have to think about it. A car. Yeah. A vehicle. But I don't enjoy being the punishment. The punishment? No.

I don't love that. Yeah. Probably humbling. Kind of where we are. Okay. Did you get a free lunch out of it? You had free lunch. Yeah, I guess I do.

Thanks. You're welcome. We don't have to talk. Well, probably. It would be weirder if we didn't for the whole time. We'll say something. Okay. Talk about Kent bars or something.

Yeah. Yeah. This something yeah yeah this is good this is good we're warming up yeah all right is that it save it save that okay yeah no more save the warming up thing yeah okay okay all right oh thanks for joining us thank you sorry we had thank you rachel or who are you interviewing not um the I'm the president of the United States. Oh, and who are you guys interviewing? Nobody. Can you just say? It'll come out tomorrow. Why can't you just say?

It's up to Seth. Oh, everybody's coming out. Ron, who are you interviewing? Who are you interviewing? Don't say. Just the biggest liar here. Why not just say? It's a good promo.

It was Sudeikis. Oh, hell yeah. Really? Yeah. No, promo. Who's Sudeikis? Oh, hell yeah. Really? Yeah. No, seriously. You've interviewed Sudeikis? Yeah. He's done more for American soccer than any man ever.

Yeah, he's a legend. Mm-hmm. Ted Liasso. Yeah, great to have him on the show. Touch one. Excuse me, I just had to get a little... Brandon's pissed. You guys missed a banger at the start of the show.

That was funny. Not to say you guys ruined the vibe, but you kind of did coming in late. We had just an awesome first 15 minutes. Fuck. We just... Fuck. I know. Fuck.

I heard you guys laughing through the wall. I mean, Steven... That's why we had to wrap. We had to let Sudeikis go. We were like, something crazy is going on in the Yak studio. Yeah. Brandon stands with players kneeling. We'll pull that up again real quick. He made this his Twitter episode on Saturday. Oh, he's going to run it back? He's going to run the whole thing? No, he's going to run it studio. Yeah. Brandon stands with players kneeling. We'll pull that up again real quick.

He made this his Twitter episode on Saturday. We're just going to run the whole thing. No, sort of that. So he finally is standing on the side of the right side of history. Wow. Left side of history. The left side of history. Well, you're not off the hook, Kat.

Oh, yeah. We can show Ivan. And Steven is going to melt. That was our recap. Steven's going to melt if he ever catches a touchdown from a player. From a man. A box player. Anyone?

No, well, you saw his tweet, right? He did specifically say Mike Evans. Mike Evans. He's happy that Mike Evans is an equal opportunity ball giver to adults and children alike. And he would melt if he was ever given the opportunity to catch a ball from Mike Evans. It's just the usage of that. Melt. For the record, it would be any Bucs player.

What? A touchdown? What? That'd be sick. So sick. Scotty Miller? You'd melt for Scotty Miller? Miller time?

Of course. Steven, what was the blog title you put out the other day? Steven, you've got to go back to blogger school Buccaneers vs. Falcons Week 2 pregame thoughts Give us some Give us some spice Give us some clickbait Parentheses gone sexual

Pregame thoughts gone sexual Some spicy shit Steve I can work on that for next week. Pre-game, Thaw's gone wrong. People clowning your walk this weekend. Oh, you didn't see the walk. They were legitimately upset. They were like, this is...

Wait, man, I looked up. I don't want he walks like this. I never saw this. But, well, should I tell them the backstory of it or no? Yeah. No, let's look at the replies first. Okay, let's look at the replies. People are upset.

Disgusted. Never meet your heroes was the top reply. I've listened to this guy my whole life and he walks like this. I love that one guy. Everything about this video is hysterical. I watched it like a hundred times. Wait, so what's their... The guy at the end.

I don't know. His walk, his gait. So is it the arms? Well, the arms are very straight. The legs look like you might be holding in a dookie. Pull up the reply. The replies are, there are a lot of hearts ripped out of chest. It's a stiff-shouldered walk, too.

It's crazy that people actually thought how I walk. We muted the video because we were screaming your name. You knew. Oh, you muted it? Is it muted? No. Oh, is it not? actually thought yeah we muted the video because we were screaming your name you knew oh you muted is it muted no no oh is it not yeah do you hear us screaming big cat you big cat you you Big Cat. Big Cat. Big Cat. Yo. Hey. Yo. Big Cat.

What is with the guy in the end? I don't know. Yo, this new Signs movie looks awesome. I think his name is Big Cat, too. That's the only explanation. So people were mad? That guy was also Big Cat. Very mad.

So just so people can stop being mad about something so ridiculous, I saw the boys. They can't comprehend that. We made eye contact from across the street, and then I started doing a creepy walk being like, I don't see them. I don't see them. I'm going to keep walking. I really hope this is scripted.

What? If you could somehow manage. Oh, my God. My favorite reply was. Repulsive? Repulsive. He was repulsed? Some guy just throwing up.

Just projectile vomiting. Yeah, how could he walk like this? My favorite reply was, this is a little sass when he sees his grandma. I saw that. I saw that one. Why did he walk like this? Is that how he walks?

Never meet your heroes. 1,000 likes on that one. Yeah, with the people that one yeah with the people how many likes did the video have less this is the hardest i've ever laughed out loud in a tweet oh man that's tough like all we had to do was just have me see you guys on the street i don't think they knew working hard i don't I don't think they knew it was us that filmed it. I think they thought it was a random fan. This is so ridiculous. Oh, God. Coffee poop walk?

Sorry. Sorry for everyone that's been let down. Sorry for everyone that thinks that that's how I walk. Why don't you stand up and walk right now? No, don't do it. Don't dignify it with a response. What the fucking fuck is this walk?

Why does everyone at Barstool have the weirdest walks of all time? Yeah, see? It's a regular walk. He's carrying an imaginary briefcase.

What's so weird about that? It's a standard walk. What is so weird about that? That's how a guy walks. Give the look. Give the look.

Yeah, get him in here. Get in here, big boy. Lock the door. Get him in here. Pete said he's back in on the Eagles. Pete likes the Eagles now. Take a seat, big boy. Take a seat.

Sit, sit. Oh, they're not comfortable? I wonder why, Pete. How dare you? How dare you? Bitch. How dare you? Why are they dead to you?

Get the fuck out of here. Yeah. Get the fuck out of here. Pete, what do you know about the Gabby Patino case? Or should I say, what don't you know about the Gabby Patino case? What don't you know? What's clear? She killed herself and then he felt like he was being framed for it. What's his deal?

Is he dead? Yeah, Brandon is very sure he's dead. They've got to find that fucker. Were you in the office when I said that? Oh, yeah. Yeah, no, I think he's dead somewhere. I don't think he's dead. I think he killed himself somewhere.

No way. He's living off the grid. They're going to say he killed himself. Lost in all this is how bad his Instagram captions are. What are they? His latest one is just insufferable. How recent is it? Have you been obsessed with this case, KB?

Yeah, I was on. I saw a tweet. You spend a lot of time. It's porn to girls and me. Yeah. True crime. I saw a tweet from a girl porn to girls and me. Yeah. True. I saw a tweet about I saw a tweet from a girl who was like the saddest part about this is we all know a girl in a relationship like this.

We do. You know, we all know a girl in a relationship who's been murdered by her boyfriend. Yeah. I don't think that guys are watching football right now and girls are all talking about the potato. The Gabby. Yeah, that was bad. Yeah.

Yikes. I'd say as a rule at Barstool since other guys have gone out, I'd stay away from these cases. That's smart. Nothing good can come of it. No. The people are obsessed with it. It's the most excited they've been in a while.

Right, but my point is people are, because we've been so desensitized to true crime because of Netflix, people are like, oh, a girl died. Let me pop off a couple jokes here. I can't wait for the series to come out. Yeah, let me get some jokes in for a quick sec. Also, if I was a fan,

I wouldn't want people trying to solve the case themselves. No. Just too many conspiracies. But that's the internet now, too. Maybe like ten years from now. What? To solve the case? No, maybe like ten years.

Let the family worry and grieve for a decade. No, come up with your own theories and stuff about it, but it's way too soon for people to be like, It's too soon to solve this case. Think about the families. People are posting screenshots from the video being like, why is this rock placed here? That doesn't seem normal.

It's the worst. You're not a detective. On the Reddit, you can smell the odor permeating from their themselves. It's so weird. Have you ever seen the Don't Fuck With Cats documentary?

Oh yeah. That's the worst thing that could have happened. The weirdest people in the documentary were the people who solved it. Not even the guy

who was killing the people. But now everybody thinks they're them. Right. I know. They want to be part of a Netflix true crime.

Disgusting. Those people were actual freaks. I just want to say I did this before it was cool because we manhunted that terrorist

whatever it was 2013. That manhunted that terrorist, whatever it was, 2013. That was also just me and Dave and other people at Barstool just listening to the police scanner, which is, I think, very illegal. That was also illegal. I don't think it's illegal. I don't think it's illegal. Well, maybe. I remember distinctly there was a point where we were tweeting things out before. They were like, yeah, you guys should stop doing this because you're just basically tweeting out where the police are located.

Oh, yeah. And then also I searched for that plane in the ocean. That was cool. I spent the entire day looking at Google Maps. They still don't know. Really? I guess something washed up on the shores of Africa. Shit.

What if the kid from the Boston bombings was just scrolling your Twitter to see where the cops were? Yeah. He's zagging while you're trying to see. Part of me thinks that might have been happening because they called, if you remember correctly, they called off the manhunt. They're like, all right, manhunt over. And I remember I walked my dog, and then they're like, just kidding, we got him. So they called it off, being like, everyone go home. And he just went to Dunkin' Donuts. They're like, we got him. They're like, just kidding, we got him. So they called it off. Like, everyone go home. And he just went to Dunkin' Donuts.

They're like, we got him. Like, shit. They got us too. When we were talking a couple weeks ago about when you guys were saying what would be the 9-11 of my life, and I said the Sandy Hook, I think it was actually probably the Boston bombing thing. Because that was like, I have such vivid memories of my entire family and my extended family all watching that.

You were very close. I don't think we need to all find our personal 9-11s. No, but I also wasn't the one that asked the question. Mine was probably yesterday when Stephen Chait tweeted that he would melt. We could do a daily 9-11. Much like this daily 9. We'll do daily 9-11. Alright, what is mine? Much like this. Your rose and bud. daily 9-11. All right, what is mine?

Much like this. Your rose and bud. Look at this, my zipper's down. I had some bad yogurt this morning. Just like, didn't make it at all. Hey, guys. Welcome back to daily 9-11. Where am I row back?

It's the verbal meme of the black guy and the white guy shaking hands. Oh, yeah. The steel beams and Stephen Che catching a ball from a fire melting. We need someone to animate that. That's really fucking good.

That's the t-shirt. Daily 9-11 is good though. Or just like that's for your morning and then you have your back 9-11. That's true. you could have an afternoon Okay AM and PM 9-11 How many people do you think found out about Barstool because of that

Uh I don't know they're like I followed you guys I followed you guys for news updates I don't know what this sports talk is about We definitely gained a lot of followers that night There's definitely those moments If you look like you can pinpoint moments That were all big for our exposure.

Did you guys think there would be a mention of it in the Wahlberg reenactment? No. Was there? Hell yeah. No. I didn't. Somebody get Portnoy on the phone. By the way, so update, no, the trial of Frank Fleming is not happening this week because he's not here.

He's not in this week. Where is he? It's on him. I spent all day with Frank yesterday. It was a great time. All day, just you and him? Well, he was amongst others. He was the loudest voice in the room, though.

I tried to move the mics away from him for a minute, but it didn't really work. Is that podcast studio the one in the house? Uh-huh. Nice. Why? Are you going to use it? No I was just curious to where it was

because I saw you guys filmed there and then You just wanted to figure out where you were when you were listening to it. No I just didn't know what it was at first.

It was a podcast studio. Also I noticed you guys had the good mics. I always want to record with those mics. And you don't? No. Who'd you guys

interview today? It was Sudeik a kiss text me for real i won't say it i will not say it if ron texts me i will not say the name i was just checking to the group then no don't don't text me personally i will one of them will say it yeah i'm curious personally they're not sayers i wouldn't say it yeah, it could be. This guy has 240,000 followers. The killer? Yeah. So were they...

And he's gaining so many right now. It's going up astronomically. Well, they're trying to find out something. Maybe he'll post a story. What are his captions? You can just go to him. You don't have to follow him. Yeah, you're right.

So his caption is something about how juniper trees you can just go to you don't have to follow him yeah you're right so it's how you don't have to follow him something about how juniper trees don't have apple watches or stream their favorite shows it's real

it's true geese don't don't ride on jet skis that guy too yeah what but that guy they're doing the league reunion

whoa oh fuck god damn it Steve Stephen Chay's favorite show They're doing the league reunion. Whoa. Oh, fuck. Steve? Stephen Chay's favorite show. It was just because it was right after 9-11. So what is the backstory with the girl and the dude? Were they YouTubers?

No, they were aspiring YouTubers. Van Life bloggers. Okay. Can I tell you a quick fact about 9-11? Yes, of course. So 9-11 happens, obviously, every show goes to news coverage, except like Nickelodeon or whatever. One channel that did not was, I believe back then it was called TNN, which is like Spike TV or whatever. And you know what they had playing?

Hanging with Mr. Cooper. It was a marathon. I watched part of that that afternoon. Wow. That is a great fact. It's called the Nashville Network, TNN. Is it? It was back then.

I remember being. Was there wrestling on it? Yeah, it was TNN. That's where it stood for, the Nashville? TNA at first. It turned into Spike TV. Yes. Did you just make me yawn? No, you made me yawn.

Had a lot of bass fishing on that channel. Hanging with Mr. Cooper, not a bad show, Steven. They were always playing action flicks on TNN. Holly Robinson-Pete was on Hanging with Mr. Cooper, so was Don Lewis. Looking very good. You ever watch Deadliest Warrior on Spike? Yes, that shit was fire. That was a great show.

It was like, who would win, a samurai or a green beret? Well, Slam Ball was on. He did all the simulations and stuff. Slam Ball was on Spike, wasn't it? Yes. I tried to try out for Slam Ball. No fucking way. He's melting.

What? He tried to try out, and that impressed you? No. Do you guys know what Slam Ball is? Yes. Why wouldn't I have? I played basketball back then, Steven. Oh, my God. That would be an unreal video you jumping on a trampoline trying to dunk on people

do that now i know that'd be sick i'm just imagining current you i guess this was this was chair you a big uh dude perfect guy no i could see you being one up all right what are we gonna do we're gonna're going to slander Dude Perfect? I think that happens enough here. No, Brad Johnson's better than Dude Perfect. But how did you try to try to get on slam ball? What did you think about going to the – did you ever go to a court? I had a phone call with them, and then they said, all right, we'll show up at this and then I never –

You showed up and they weren't there. I lived in Mississippi. I didn't have the means to get to Atlanta that day. Is this like your Slumdog Millionaire story? Yeah, but I would have been a great slam ball player. It would have been fantastic. Is it not one of those things where you can just send

in your own audition? You need a trampoline court. It's like the rarest court to find. It's not like they just exist. There are no sky zones. We should remake Slumdog Millionaire but it's like the rarest court to find. It's not like they just exist. There were no Sky Zones. We should remake Slumdog Millionaire but it's like 20 minutes into the movie

you're just like I don't have the money. This movie's over. Can't make it. We should go to a Sky Zone after this. After this today. Yeah we should.

Love Sky Zone. Yeah we should. Sky Zones didn't exist when Brandon was doing that. Are we allowed to play in Sky Zones? Why wouldn't we be? Why would we not?

There's definitely adults who go there to just do sick dunks to put on the internet and shit. I went to a Dave & Buster's on Thursday. It was the most fun I've ever had. Well, that's engineered for adults. Correct. No. Skyzone is built for kids. Well, both.

It's for both. Yeah, but it's the adult Chuck E. Cheese, right? Skyzone is legitimately for kids. Oh, no. There's adult bounce. Sky Cheese, right? The Sky Zone is legitimately for kids. Oh, no, there's adult bounce. Sky Zone's for anyone who wants to get their jump on. Have you guys seen Tramp Wall? No. Yeah.

Tramp Leads Scare Me. You know, Junk Tramp on TikTok? That's just women on the wall. It's probably who I'm thinking of. They always have, like, beefs and, like, hype-ups and stuff. Crazy drama going on on that channel. I think the world is... It's like Preston was not ready for the 720 reverse.

And they're like, yo, dude, you're out. You're off the team. And he's like, are you fucking kidding me, dude? This is my life. And they're like, bro, we got better jumpers coming in.

And then he shoves them and does it anyway. What are those parkour guys that you went to visit at their house up to besides marrying porn stars? Did one of them marry Pasha? Married Riley Reid.

He did? Oh. Oh, you just knew that? Riley's married? I did know that. He had to unfollow her on Instagram? Fuck this. Fuck this bitch.

I think that he's – I mean, the rest of them are flipping. I think that they broke up like most TikTok houses. They don't have the house anymore. TikTok houses have to have a shelf life of like eight months yeah even sway houses sway house broke up like it's broken up like 10 times but if they're breaking up like what hope is there for any of us that's like if justin timberlake and jessica beal broke up sweet house is breaking up they already broke up how sad is that bryce noah sabotaged the team. How so? Talking shit. Back to trampolines real quick.

I think there's two. I think the world is divided into a distinct two types of people. People who can do trampolines and people who are definitely afraid they're going to blow out their ACL every time they step on one. I'm in the latter. Every time. Double bounce me and I will cry. Like seriously. Like, seriously. Scary as shit.

You just don't have the requisite. Getting double bounced is scary. Yeah, you don't have the requisite. Like, I don't have the athleticism that I need to... You're fully out of control. Right. Right.

Like, you just bounce me and then I'm fucked. I'm dead. Then there was trampolines that just didn't have a net surrounding it. Yeah, that's crazy. And people just did that.

I had that in my backyard on a hill. I think the nets are like a placebo. I mean, they're not strong enough to actually go through that. It feels good. It's strong enough. It's all about height. It is, though. I remember running full strength.

I would run as fast as I could into those things. If you're young. And you don't weigh a lot? Yeah. As an adult, you probably would go through that. The net I have around my kids' trampoline, I only put it there for appearances. It's not even connected to anything?

There's no chance it's stopping my kids. You see the trampolines that are in the ground? Those are scary. What happens if you fly off? Those ones you jump so high. The ones that are like they're like a rectangle yeah

I've also seen people like stacking trampolines big ones like six high what does that work that's like a big that's like a big

dumbass like YouTube thing where it's just like spend a lot of money and do this thing that really isn't that cool and I think that's what a lot of the parkour guys are doing

not gonna lie dude trampoline shit it sounds pretty cool. It is. I would sit on that immediately. Six trampolines stacked up on top of each other next to a pool. The bounces multiply. Yeah, that's pretty cool.

Can we pull up one of those videos? Yeah, let's see that actually. Trampolines are fucking cool. Yes. They're really cool. The legs of trampolines are notoriously fickle. I can't see stack in those things. I know.

I'm waiting for the horror video where six of them fall. Mormons love them. It's their drug. That and basketball. They like to go to a playground to deuce up some kids who didn't expect someone in a white button-down shirt to be able to have a crossover. It's pretty badass. Every sixth Mormon can dunk. It's true. Mormons have extraordinary ups.

It's like AC Green, right? Like if you don't have sex. You don't fuck. You got bounce. Yeah, you don't drink booze. You got bounce. You got bounce. Like that's where it goes. There's no reason for BYU to be a powerhouse. But they got bounce. If they could fuck, they would be

out of any Power 5 conference. Dude, AC Green is the best of us. Forget fucking. If they could drink Coke. Coffee. Like, they would be,

it would just destroy their entire athletic prowess. If they could have a french fry, it would crumble the program. Trick or treat once.

And they're done. Imagine just being like, why am I playing football? I can get candy by knocking on doors. Imagine being 30 years imagine just being like why am i playing football i can get candy by knocking on doors imagine being 30 years old and being like i've never had a sip and i've also never fucked and i can just i could probably jump to the moon think about how much of your athletic you just wake up in the morning energized yeah every day there's no hangovers there's no like any nothing has a drawback for you. You feel incredible.

You had no caffeine. Then they just break up their college athletic career by going to Chile for two years. Yeah. And they come back and they're washed as hell. No, they come back and they have grown man strength. It depends. In wrestling, it didn't help. Oh, really?

In football, it definitely helped. Well, BYU or Utah has a player who's like 25, 26. Grown man strength? He's like 5'8". He's good. How tall is he? My height. Let me do the Coors Light ad read.

Do you want to do the Roman read in a second, Nick? Yeah. Okay. Coors Light. When you need to slow down, just open a Coors Light. It's a mountain cold refreshment made to chill. It tastes great from Coors Brewing Company in Golden, Colorado. So slow down and celebrate responsibly.

Get Coors Light in the new look delivered straight to your door with Drizzly or Instacart by going to CoorsLight.com slash take. Wow. Anybody else ready for Christmas? Kind of, yeah. Yeah, I guess so. Why? We still got a couple holidays before then, brother.

What are you saying? Halloween and Thanksgiving. Mm-hmm. Halloween's coming up. We're taking your kids trick-or-treating. Yep. We get to pick out their costumes. We get to pick them out, yeah.

No, no, no. That's one of the rules. Yep. Yep. You can pick out two of them. Okay. Wait, are you guys actually? Perfect.

We were expecting zero, yeah. All right, one of my kids wants to be Kid Danger. Who's Kid Danger? Oh, I love Kid Danger. Is he Daniel Tiger? I think his name's actually Henry Danger. It's Henry Danger, but, I love Kid Danger. Is he a wrestler? Daniel Tiger? I think his name's actually Henry Danger. It's Henry Danger, but he goes by Kid Danger when he's, right? Maybe.

The show is Henry Danger, but he's Kid Danger when he's with Captain Man. It's a weirdly good show. He wants me to be Captain Man. He wants you to be Captain Man? Yeah. You're not coming. I might be Captain Man. All right, you can be Captain Man.

Will one of you be Captain Man? No, no, you could be Captain Man. Let's just say you don't quite have the physique to pull off Captain Man. I'll have to go fuck yourself. You ever think about that? Wait, so are you guys really taking the walkers trick or treating? Yes, Nick and I. Can I add a 35-year-old New Jersey man that might want to come along?

Yeah, I think he'll be the wicked witch of the West. Just like the candy. How many? What has to be the kid-to- for it to be acceptable to be trick-or-treating? What do you mean? What if you have one kid and then 10 grown men? That's hilarious. Yeah. At a certain point, that just seems like the adults want to do the trick-or-treating.

Takes a village. When you're giving out Halloween candy, at the end, adults will just be like, yo, do you have any left? And, yeah, I give it to them. How often do you do that, Steven? Every year. Once a year. My favorite is the doorbell video we always get every year of just an adult walking up and pouring the entire bucket into their bucket and just stealing all the candy. Yeah.

That seems like it's not your favorite. No, I just love it. That also seems oddly specific that you might be the one. I love that we always see that on Twitter like the day after. There's always like two or

three adults who just steal all the candy. It's cool. It's always a woman. Yeah, it is. Yoga pants.

Yoga pants, sleeveless, long shirt that's kind of flowing. That's what they'll do. These cool

cats right here. What is going on? Is he a celebrity or does he work here? He has a celebrity look, but he's

been milling about like he works here. He doesn't have the same palette. This is barstool sports now. Salute. What are you doing? What are you doing? He's giving volume.

He's judging volume with his hair. I'm trying to fix my hair. I did a haircut. You got a lot of hair. He's been washing it with hand soap all weekend. What are you doing to your hair right now? Yeah, we actually did have to wash our hair with hand soap. How was the whiteout? Oh, yeah. It was fun. Yeah? Good time did have to wash our hair with hand soap. How was the whiteout?

Oh, yeah. It was fun. Yeah? Good time. Did you stay for the whole game? Great to be back on campus. Did you stay for the whole game? No, we stayed for the first half.

Did you hear what we did to him last week about Cold Stone Creamery? No. We had him go. About the creamery? We had boy going. Going.

It appears like the Cold Stone Creamery is not even there anymore, too. Yeah, we were like, you gotta check out the most famous creamery in the world at Penn State, the Cold Stone Creamery. I mean, we did have a nice afternoon at that Cold Stone Creamery. We did. We had a nice walk through it. It was beautiful.

Happy Valley is gorgeous. What a time we had. It seemed like the perfect Saturday in Happy Valley. It was. It was really nice out. Can someone segue me into this Roman ad? Our dicks weren't working so good.

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Yeah, we walked so much that it just, I had no feeling in my penis. 11 miles. Say, what's your steps? Because I have mine. 2,600. No. It's 26,000. It went in a day?

On Saturday? Is that yours or is that Tyler Miller's? I believe that. On a college football Saturday? That's what mine is. Oh, this is not going to be fair. Well, I keep these only hobbies. I had 17,000.

I'm averaging 20.1 thousand a day in September. Damn. So if anyone can compete with that. What was the peak? What was the peak day? You're staving off alcoholism, though. Yeah. You're in a fight for your life.

I'm trying to walk it off. No, you're not. I'm trying to stomp it off. Let me see the peak day. What did you get? Have you had like 50? No, probably like 38. You won't walk to Pennsylvania?

You should have like a walk-a-thon or some shit like that where you raise money and walk a crazy amount. I'll pledge per mile. I'm convinced you could walk across the country. How? That's what happens when you go sober. You start doing shit like that. Maybe. Getting bit by snakes?

Well, you feel like I can walk across the country, and that would mean something. It's like Mormons. It's like a Mormon could walk across the country. They're sober. They could just go coast to coast. Do they just get used to waking up and changing out of their wet dream underwear? Oh, yeah. Yeah.

How often is that? It's got to be nightly. Do you think they dream of soaking or having sex? They dream of thrusting. Oh, yeah, thrusting. Going all the way. Soak is a daily thing. The thing I don't understand about soaking is I would definitely cum.

I would, too. Oh, yeah. What? I would, too. If I just laid in a vagina for a while, that's cum. Yes. Oh, yeah. Seriously, I never got it.

It's like, yeah, that sounds like I never got it it's like yeah that sounds like I'd come yeah I would wait a second I'd be like do you know where my internal monologue like do you know where you are right now

like bro you're you're in you got in you've been in Forrest all these years they fucking bought it but I think that they just like

they're like well you can't blame me that's true it's not my fault I didn't thrust I didn't do anything. It would just be like the littlest twitch in motion. Oh, okay.

All right. We're done soaking. Yeah. I never got it. I'd love to talk to a Mormon. How do you not cum? Just fake a coughing fit. Just say, cum.

I wouldn't need to thrust. Lay in there long enough. If I were a Mormon, I'd live on a fault line. Just wait. Right by the airport. Just by a highway. I'm more worried about vice versa. What?

The girl. Making sure she comes. She's doing it. My fucking dog bro reciprocity on that shit bro shit fuck man

love that shit man new security guard yeah he's a generous lover you can tell get him in here we got it we got them

we gotta get one of them in here they're getting smaller by the day they are I think we're running out of money we should have never hired that nesting doll company for our security guards. A little boy is now... All right, well, I'm done.

He splits in half. My son is now the security guard in a month. Two-year-old. Oh, man. He's got the shirt on. He's got the Barstool shirt. He's got the shirt on. Actually, we might have fired some of the other ones because I would just see them shopping.

I'd see them just thumbing through the Brianna Chicken Fry merch, putting shit on and fucking walking out with a hoodie. Am I wearing a Chicken Fry right now? Yeah, you're wearing a Don't Date Frat Guys hoodie. Were you in a frat? Chicken Fry for semester, yeah. Actually, it's on the back. Oh, it is? Yeah.

I just won't show anyone the back. When I walk weirdly down the street. They'll be distracted by your walk. A lot of frat guys aren't ready for this I cannot believe that people thought that was how could he and then we walked down the street all together and caused a ruckus no you caused a ruckus

what happened we walked past a barber shop there was a guy with like a straight razor getting his neck shaved and Big Cat's like don't cut his neck. Hey, hey, don't Sweeney Todd him. Oh, Jesus. It's just fun to yell stuff on the street when you're with your boys. Yeah, they actually, there was the moment.

They were like, you're being Roan right now. And they're like, actually, Roan's way worse. I was like, well, I love walking with Roan. Roan loves to talk to people on the street. There's times when Roan, Caleb, and I go out to dinner and we have to check ourselves and be like, yo, we're fucking with the people way too hard. Yeah.

Like, they don't get it. It's fun. It's fun. You like to have fun. When me and KB go to dinner, we don't talk. You just shuffle around in a single-fire line. KB's the man. You do appreciate that.

Oh, yeah. Just move your peas around. Yeah, it's fun to just yell atB's the man. You do appreciate that. Oh, yeah. Just move your peas around. Yeah, it's fun to just yell at people on the sidewalk. Remember how the plate clinked when I shifted my applesauce around? When we went to the Yankees game with Roan, it was just the Roan show for a good three hours straight. I love that about my boy. Bye. Bye.

It's funny to talk. Every person that left, I'm going to go, bye. Bye. It's fun to talk to people like that in public because no one does anything. It was crazy. What was that girl's name that we discovered? She was a big Section 9 fan. Ida? Iris? Iris.

There's more to that story. I'm not going to tell her. You look like you're digesting something. It's cramp time. It was a nice memory. The boys were enjoying it when they went to the Yankees. No, I never get invited to the kickbacks anymore because I got too loud one time. We're going to leave him out of this one. We're going to enjoy the quiet.

Because you three are like, it's almost discouraging inviting you somewhere. Why? Because the look you get is just like, you dumbass. Why would you even think I would want to hang out with you? That's not fair. I will go wherever the next place you want to go. I will go. That's a big mistake.

Yeah, we're going to go jump on some trampolines. Yeah, we're going to go tramping. I do not give you that. Oh, and we're going to be double bouncing. I give you a look of I just don't want to do anything. It was a laugh to the face that I'll never forget. Damn. No.

Trampoline. Accident. Wait, Kyle, you were at Pixar Putt last night. I was. Didn't invite me to Pixar Putt. Wait, what? What's Pixar Putt?

It's a Pixar mini-golf. I know what I'm thinking. That sounds incredible. I know. That's in New York? So many hot girls. So many fine honeys. Yeah.

It's Pixar. How old? What? How old? Oh, there's a lot of kids, too, but it's a mix. It's a mix. Of honey to kids. It takes some kids and teens.

I could actually totally see you dating a... Teenager. No. A mom. Yeah, a woman with a 10-year-old son. She comes home and KB and him are wrestling. Wrestling, yeah. KB's got a pen.

He said he wanted me to go as hard as I could. We're the same weight. That will be a thing. At some point. Yeah, you date. I could see you dating a mom with a 12-year-old son that's taller than you. Six sons. That would be awesome. That gives you the best excuse to be asexual.

You've got to want to wake the kid up. The kid's not home. They have a lot of sons, and one day KB just rolls into the office with all of them. He's got his AirPods on. Now I'm going to try to make that happen Yes That would be so funny Go to Pixar Putt

Pixar Putt I want to go to Pixar Putt The kids are too young for this I would love And I would love for KB to be like Yo what are you guys doing this weekend The Ratatouille hole I know

It's Pixar Putt Brandon Of course there's a Ratatouille hole It's Ryan's 13th birthday If you guys want to stop through Alright I'm going to do a female meet and greet at the Pixar park. Yeah, let's get a...

We want only... Bring your kids. We had a girl come up to us this week. Oh, sorry, my bad. Teenage boys that are over 5'8".

No. Their moms are eligible. Okay, now 10 to 12. 5'2 and up. And never married women, you want children of mistake. Never married, yes.

And you would want them to genetically be able to surpass you in height within the next two years. Marriage is much grosser than just having a kid. A failed marriage is more disgusting than a failed abortion. Go ahead and why don't you see that one through? How so? a kid. A failed marriage is more disgusting than a failed abortion. Jesus Christ. Why don't you see that one through? How so? Why'd the yak get taken down today? What the fuck?

How would you word that? A kid that, by mistake, a failed what? What? I don't think you say it's a failed abortion. That's what we're going to say. Let's talk about something else. Maybe we'll touch it. Abortions are disgusting, dude. I know a kid who was single like 12 months ago, enlisted in the army. Now he's raising a six-year-old as his own. We need Kyle to do that.

That's fucked. Six is too young. You'd be a great dad. Well, a great not even stepdad. Father figure? Boyfriend Kyle. Boyfriend Kyle. I'm not a stepdad.

I'm the dad who stepped out. Yeah. I love that picture. Can we pull up that picture? Yeah, that's unreal. It's one of the funniest pictures. I hope that's your next, like, because you haven't posted on Instagram in seven years. Yeah.

I hope that's your next Instagram post. Just a Christmas card with a bunch of kids. A bunch of mixed-race children. I want her to make me post her. I was like, you don't understand. It's like this bid I haven't in seven years. She forces me. She'll take the kids.

She threatens to go away with the kids. I give in. You hit post and then you're just like, all right, see you guys. This was all a ruse. This was it. KB still have those 11 kids? Imagine one day there's no one here.

We're all away, but KB's here and he sits in the host chair, and he has his six children sit with him on the show. There it is. No, I'm looking for the one where the dad is kneeling. Yeah, he's kneeling. He melts his eye right now. He's kneeling?

It's such a good picture. Pull up Brandon's Twitter avatar again. Pull up that. Can we play the national anthem over this? Brandon. I really didn't think you had this in you. Okay. Can we play the national anthem? Brandon. I really didn't think you had this in you. Okay. What?

Again, I don't. That was pregame? Nope. That was during the game. That was in the fourth quarter, actually. We had 536 to go. SEC officials didn't deem that ball down on the ground. Didn't decide to stop the play there.

Fine. It's good. Damn. Okay. That's all right. Okay. I was getting Memphis right. I had a hilarious Uber driver yesterday.

That was awesome. Okay, that sounds funny. What did you say? What was funny about it? We don't need to know. It sounded like you said whole areas. He went to all areas. He would go anywhere.

He took me from Secaucus to Hoboken. Oh, that said whole areas. He went to all areas. He would go anywhere. He took me from Secaucus to Hoboken. Oh, that is whole areas. He said, no gay shit, but I wish I had Cam Newton's body. Who said that? Cam Newton's body isn't even that rocking. He wishes he was a black guy. Pretty good body. Not really.

Pretty good body. He's a quarterback. He's like 6'5", too. He's got to be a top three quarterback body in the league. But quarterbacks don't have the best bodies in the league, even since he's gone vegan. He's like 6'5", too. He's got to be a top three quarterback body in the league. But quarterbacks don't have the best bodies in the league, even since he's gone vegan. Yeah, he's got a good body. Have you seen him shirtless?

Yeah. When? He got an ab pick a couple weeks ago. He did? Yeah. Can we see Cam Newton's body? Go to CelebFakes. Oh, it's phenomenal, Rowan.

What are you talking about? Actually, Dak Prescott would be up there. Dak's not Cam, though. No, Dak. Can we find that Dak on South Padre Island? No, it wasn't. He looked... Panama City.

Panama City. Dak Prescott, Panama City. Let's find that. He looked... Yeah, he looked good in that video. How did you turn that into that? I didn't turn anything into that. Not you.

How did... Dak Prescott, Panama City. Can we get that pulled up real quick? Oh, he's ripped. Dude, ripped. He looks... Still want to see Cam shirtless if real quick? Oh, he's ripped. Dude, ripped. He looks. Still want to see Cam shirtless if we can. Oh, wow.

Look how ripped he is. Oh. Dak. Is he got blood on him? That was six years ago. Did he get beat up? Probably someone else's blood. A whole gang of people beat him up.

30 people beat him up. How much did that hurt you? I didn't like it. I didn't like it at all. You had a town meeting. We're going to find who did this. Yeah? I didn't like it. I didn't like it at all. You had a town meeting. We're going to find who did this. I didn't like it. No, I was actually a beat writer for Mississippi State at the time,

and I had to call the sheriff in Panama City who just was – It's ironic you were a beat writer. This is perfect. Finally, some news. The sheriff was tired of talking about it, and they have fights all day, every day there. Oh, yeah. If you're in Panama City, you're basically agreeing to fight.

So it was fine. I don't know. I didn't like it. His ass kicked. Who was the guy that did it? Did you get a name? That's the – Whoa.

Go back to the – I mean, that's – Go back to the Dak Prescott collage. Look at him on the ground. He looks fucking... Listen, if I was on the ground right there, my fat would be spilling everywhere. What, is he checking out that guy's shoe?

Or what was he doing there? You can tell that he's put together well because it's all staying pretty nice and firm. I don't think he's down, personally. Yeah, no. I would deem him not down. I'm not sure how this became that. Did the whistle blow?

Or was it just a motion? No, it was down. The official did this. The official did this to stop the play. That could mean literally anything. No, that means stop the play. That's what it means. You're probably flagging down a flight or something.

Yeah, help me. Help, please. This means the play is over. When you do it, you play it. It's the same emotions when Forrest Gump saw Lieutenant Dan from the movie. God, I got the giggles today. This is a funny show. We're back, boys.

It's good to be back. The whole crew's back. Hurt my delts. This is a full crew. What's... You look gigantic when you do that. You look gigantic when you do that. You didn't look huge when you did that. His frame is fucking...

Stretch it. This is a big... You're like a puffer fish. I'm telling him, bro. It's not fucking... It's not cutting season yet. It's still bulking season. Do that again.

That's like a cat arching its back trying to look big. No, no. Do it to your arms. With the arms. Oh! God damn. Hell yeah. Young Sass wards off the Predator.

Oh, my gosh. Some Attenborough shit. You guys want to all go do an open mic after this? Yeah. Sass has a show on Friday Oh yeah it's sold out He's headlining Are you headlining it? Yes

Yes He's saying he doesn't know But his name is at the top of the list Wait is it really? It's the biggest name And all the other ones are smaller But he doesn't know if he's the headliner He's going last

Are you going last? I have no idea Yeah I think you're headlining You seem to be ill informed of this And this, and you're doing it fast. No, you've done two open mic nights. You're ready to headline. I know. That's why I have to do an open mic.

He said I could direct a special. Oh, yeah. Fuck yeah. It's going to be a shit storm. No, you've grinded. You earn this just like any other open mic-er who just pounds the pavement. Brother, if you can sell the tickets, you can stand up on the stage. Do you want people to...

I saw you publicly... It's sold out. Oh, it is? Oh, nice. And I think I deserve a fair cut of the sellout because I was the only one that promoted it. He's not getting paid. How does that work? You're not getting paid?

No, I think I'm getting paid, but I'm assuming we're all probably going to get paid the same amount. That shouldn't work. But I'm literally the only person that promoted it. He's not getting paid. How does that work? You're not getting paid? No, I think I'm getting paid but I'm assuming we're all probably going to get paid the same amount. That shouldn't work. But I'm literally the only person that promoted it. Wait till any of the other comics on this show hear anything you've said about the show. I haven't said anything bad about any of the comics. Except for that you're funnier than all of them. I did not say that.

How long is your set? They said 8 to 10 minutes. Not bad. Is it like straight white male energy? We went to a show and it was two straight white men did a set and then followed by a girl. And after the girl, someone in the crowd was like, oh, finally. What did she say? She was like, yeah, there was too much straight white male energy. It's a comedy club.

Yeah, like out loud. They're the funniest. And then after that, a black guy comes on who was doing the same material, like glorifying catcalling and stuff like that. And she was like over laughing. She was over laughing. And everything. People like that live like they have a video camera on them at all times. That's going to expose them to the public.

They need to say their opinions to everybody. Women? No. I've seen it at so many comedy shows. It's so strange. They just go to the show just to get enraged even though they're not actually mad. Speaking of which, did you guys see

the book that Brandon's got on his show? What the fuck, Brandon? What is that, Einrand? Oh. Let me just zoom in real quick. Is that a Dolezal? God damn it, bro. He's got a Dolezal.

Well, that's a college football show. That's just that I got the cowbell. I actually don't know how the book got there. Rachel Dolezal actually was a Heisman candidate back in 2005. Yeah, that's why she's up there. That's Brandon's signed copy. Wasn't she on the Epstein flight log? Everyone was.

Yeah, I think everybody was. So was Brady Quinn. Big Cat, were you? Was he? I don't know. You can't say that. I like Brady Quinn. I have no idea who she was. I didn't. That's really fucked up what you just did. I'm sorry.

To our queen, Rachel Toler. It's a good book. Worth reading. Yeah? Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm such a fucking loser. Shout out to Olajoh, man.

Yeah, she just keeps grinding. She wants to play for the black and white. Let's all go crush this open mic. What open mic? Nick wants to go with you tonight. Yeah? I might do a set. Well, I'm going at five.

For real, Nick? Well, I told Nick he should start doing stand-up because then he can say more offensive shit. I always tell Nick and KB that they would be the funniest people there by a mile. Well, we all should do some stand-up just so that way whenever we get in trouble. Let's all go do it.

There's no mic at five. Yeah. You're going at five? Yeah, there's three. There's one at the stand, there's one at the producer's club, and there's one at Broadway Comedy Club. Do you think it would work if I just read all of Stephen Chay's tweets? Yeah. Okay.

I'm down. I'm excited for Nick to get into the stand-up comedy game. Let's go, Nick. Best joke writer in this bitch. Nick, why don't you do the show with me on Friday? I need a little bit more time. You can do a drop-in. Nick, you would be awesome.

Ladies and gentlemen, Nick. Oh, my God. Oh, is that Nick? I didn't know Nick was going to be here. Oh, my God, it's Nick. You should just go with Nick, period. Yeah, Nick just shows up. It's crazy over there.

Like a Brazilian soccer player. He's just Nick. Yeah, Nick just shows up. It's crazy over there. Like a Brazilian soccer player. He's just Nick. Nick, yeah. Open to the last name. I love that so much. Nick. That's the guy, Hulk. Did you see that story?

Oh, God. Yeah. The Brazilian soccer player. He divorced his wife of 12 years who he has three children with and now is engaged and pregnant with his wife's, ex-wife's niece. Yeah. Jesus.

Yikes. I got to bounce my brother. All right, let's all bounce. Let's all bounce. Yeah, let's all bounce. Runs gone. Runs gone. This is a great show.

Let's go bounce. Yeah, let's bounce. Trampoline, literally. Let's go bounce. Six trampolines next to a pool. That sounds lame. Thank you.