The Yak - If That Ass Fat, KB Gon' Have That | The Yak 8-18-21

Episode Date: August 19, 2021

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Hey Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. I've learned my lesson I won't ever make fun of anything That is Helping us out ever again And I have no reason to We're unsponsorable you and i the bad boys of sponsorship we don't sell out oh we are one of our shows that we're recording after this is just a 25 minute long commercial yeah and which we don't necessarily behave favorably toward the products.

I love how sponsorship equals job security. We're just like, let's lose that. This is the thing we should take a risk with. Yeah, we're allowed to make fun of things we shouldn't have. But when it comes to what's keeping our jobs safe. And there's a lot of misconceptions about yesterday's tale Thank you I got off the phone with my doctor And he said there was something else in my system

Wrong, no way, really? No But I left my ID there, which is inconvenient Oh, no, surprise Wait, what? It's in my pocket That would kind of make you an asshole Because I've been wondering where it was ID there, which is inconvenient. Oh, no. Surprise. Wait, what? It's in my pocket. That would kind of make you an asshole because I've been wondering where it was.

Or he's an asshole if he's making fun of it. If you have it, that would be... Because I needed it yesterday. Oh, you do have it. Alright. Zoom in on that. Let's get the numbers, the digits. Can you be... Oh, your actual address is on that? Yep's get the numbers, the digits. Can you be... Oh, your actual address is on that?

Yep. Uh-oh. Don't care. All right, let's play two... Let's name two things we love. Mine's probably 3C and Coors Light. More than anything. More than my family.

And I've been using those products for years with minimal hiccups until recently. Oh, man. Yeah. Speaking of. What about? You want to just do the ad read? Get that out of the way?

They don't want me doing it. Frank? All right. Well, you know, you could get Coors Light in a new look delivered straight to your door with Drizzly or Instacart. You just read the last line. I don't tell what's wrong. All right, let me start this over again.

Well, when you need to slow down... You just open up a Coors Light. It's mountain cold refreshment. Made to chill. It tastes great from the Coors Brewing Company in Golden, Colorado. So slow down, celebrate responsibility, and

get Coors Light in the new look delivered straight to your door with Drizzly or Instacart by going to Coors Light slash take. Take, huh? That's not the show. Oh. Drink responsibly. And Nick, you've been out of town for a while i hope you had a good time yeah i had a good time but i want to clown you a little bit all right well let me start

with this when i was on what i assumed were my final breaths i remember jeff low calling you and i was then i saw it on the screen and no answer it was six you know and I saw it on the screen, and no answer. It was 630 in the morning. No, you were up. It was 820, because I remember looking at the screen. You were up. Can we play some Aqueous Transmission by Incubus for Kyle? This stoner needs his fix. Is there a non-copyrighted version of that?

No, probably not. I think someone on the X Factor covered it. Look at this microphone. It's like it's got a ghost over here or something like that. It keeps shifting it away from my mouth. Yeah, it's probably a ghost. You know what it is? What?

The ghost of Mets playoff wins. It's the ghost saying that Frank was right. Oh, yeah. He was. Are you eating this up cherishing every last drop? No. Wouldn't you have Rather been wrong I don't know

Yes I would have Rather been wrong No you wouldn't This is awesome For your brand I would have Much rather been wrong But when I see shit

I point out that it's shit And they never pass The eye test to me I mean They've been feeble all year The owner actually Called him out And basically That's the owner

at Steve Cohen telling KFC, hey, Frank is right. We suck. But it is part of your brand. The Mets being bad is good for your brand. We all have individual brands here. I'm the pussy hound of the show, I guess. The ladies man.

Kyle, you're like the Scripps spelling bee champion of the act. Thank you. Owen, you're the electric trivia master. Oh, yeah. That was a

fantastic debut performance. He got three points. Thank you, brother. That was my second time on, actually. Your second debut? Mm-hmm. Oh, when we tech-followed you like 17 to 2. Debut. Debut 2. You got three questions, which probably put you in the front half.

Well, what basically didn't help was that Sass bailed on you. Yeah, that's why he's at the bottom of your power rankings. He was filming season two of what show? Chad. your power rankings. He was filming season two of what show? Chad. There it is. Season two of Chad. I mean, I don't even know how they got a season one. Frank, what are your thoughts on Tebow being cut?

I don't understand it. He had a good block. I mean... What more could you want? What more could you want? What more could you want? I mean, now that means that the Jaguars are going to lose because now they've pissed off God.

Yeah, they pissed off God. You think they'll just get raptured up from the field one game? Rapture's a good thing. You want raptured. You want to get raptured. You know, I have my theory that the rapture's going to happen when the Mets are up 3-0 in the World Series. The 6-0 league.

All the Mets players will get Raptured. The other team will be left behind. I'll be left behind watching it. You get Raptured. You're a pious man. And the Mets will end up losing the World Series. Because of the Rapture? Yes.

I think that would be the least of our concerns. How do we know the Rapture didn't already happen and we're just the ones? Did you have a little brownie? The slubs that are left behind. You've had an edible, a cannabis edible before. Yeah, just had half a cookie. So half and you were fine? Yeah.

But the whole cookie sent. Well, no, Kyle. I only took two thirds. I left the remnants on the table. I think it's like an artifact somewhere. I think they saved it. I mean, all I remember, I remember just a little. It's the equivalent of like John Lennon's bloody glasses in the museum.

It's your one third of a brownie. You know, a lot of people reached out to me with positive stories. Like what? They weren't positive on their end, but it made me feel slightly better, marginally better.

About them? People go through it, yeah. Do they go to the ER? I think I normalize, I did a, I was huge for mental health yesterday. Instrumental,

and to normalizing panic attacks, anxiety, and speaking about it. But would you have spoken about it if nobody else said anything? What do you mean? Like, Roan is the one that brought it up. Yeah, I was kind of hoping that people didn't know, or if they found out I was in the emergency room, maybe not talk about it publicly. So I could have just kept that to myself.

Would you say your two most notable barstool moments to the masses, to the non-KB fan, are your two drug things? Yeah, probably. Your parents cool with that? No. Because your parents consume everything you do, so they know about this.

Yeah, they were... The coke thing, they were just disappointed, distraught, sad. This time they were just disgusted repulsed okay so they're going through the gamut of negative emotions because not only are like you uh such a fuck up that your your drug schedule is in that manner where you can't even sleep you're just wolfing down brownies at 2 a.m but But also, you're such a pussy. My son is such a pussy. My son's like a huge pussy.

Yeah. It's a little bit of that, a little bit of this. So your parents consume a whole lot. They do. I think they... Everything. And they're probably watching this now. And they're a baby boy.

They can't miss anything he might be up to. So let's talk about your weekend. I don't give them anything. You got pussy this weekend. No, we're not doing this. You see it. You got laid on a baby boy. They can't miss anything he might be up to. So let's talk about your weekend. I don't give them anything. You got pussy this weekend. No, we're not doing this. You got laid on a bottom bunk. Is that true? No.

You used, you pushed, you were going to, you told me because you were like, I'm going to get laid on a bottom bunk. I did not. I didn't ever tell you I'm going to get laid on a bottom bunk. Were there simultaneous lays? Yeah, and you were just like, you said to get a certain angle, you're going to put your feet on the top bunk to get leverage, but you couldn't reach.

Your little legs did not reach. So you just ended up bicycling. It's a good ab work. Who's running top bunking? Empty. Kyle was like, yeah, I'll crash in your room. Just give me the top bunk.

And then he turned to the camera and winked. Oh, I'll crash in your room. Just give me the top bunk. And then he turned to the camera and winked. Oh, I'm tired. This was not a top bunk. This was not a dormitory. Those are closed. Was it Juco? All of them, even the people with special keys. Was it like the scene in Fargo?

Even the people with special keys. But there are certain cheer camps going on. There are. I know where they are. They're in Daytona right now. Well, the ones at Worlds are in Daytona. The secondaries are in Vancouver. How many times a year do they have Worlds?

And how many different ones are there? The cheering is the most... Every single team is a World Championship. Every local team has won worlds. They're all world champions. I think that's because you can name anything worlds. There's no legal clause on what you can name an event. That was the same in youth wrestling.

Everything was blank nationals. And there'd be brackets with two kids. And then you have a national champion who's a fish. It's the world championship of sitting and watching. Coming soon to ESPN 8. Sitting and watching what? Just sitting there and watching. While being watched.

Okay. Yeah. What else is going on? Everybody is out today. Where is everyone? Where is Harry? I know where Big Cat is. It's Grit Week.

It's Grit Week. Yeah. What else needs to be said about Grit Week? You know, I haven't had a chance to watch anything on TV lately except to fucking Met as I'm doing like a thousand freaking uh cameos and what is the requirement there do you need to get them done by a certain time uh there's a 24-hour request and then there's like the uh the uh standard week and some people cancel because i guess i'm not fast enough i mean when you get as many as I've been doing,

especially when you have me doing the Piggender Fantasy Drafts. Oh, the order. And it takes about five, ten minutes to do. Yeah, exactly. Now, you said you did 44 of them in a day, right? Last week, yeah. And I'm probably going to have to do something like that tonight. So you're going to be pulling close to a full salary.

Why don't you up your price a little? Up your price, Frank. I up your price up your price Frank I think that's what I'm gonna have to do you got it up your price and I guarantee you you'll get just as many requests I think I'm gonna do that probably at the end of August

is there like a ranking is there like a charts for cameo users I'm not sure you have to be top 100 yeah I might be you gotta be on volume alone are you do you improvise You have to be top 100. Yeah. I might be.

You got to be. On volume alone. Do you improvise? Do you throw any of your own, like Frank Spice? Can we pull up Frank's camera? Or is it just purely script? People brag about being in the top decimal percentage of OnlyFans. I swear, if you just make it OnlyFans.

That's it. There's just a lot of dormant users who got cold feet. No, I think it's like OnlyFans who made a bunch of inFans. I swear, if you just make it OnlyFans. That's it. There's just a lot of dormant users who got cold feet. No, I think it's like OnlyFans who made a bunch of inactive accounts to boost. Yeah, they want to make you feel special. Because sometimes I love seeing, because the really hot girls and guys

are in the top 0.2%. It goes down to the 100th. And then you'll see girls bragging that they're in the top 18%. Oh, honey. Oh, honey. Let me tell you. A greeting from me?

Just say, book me on Cameo. Frank, are you from the value city? You look at Lookout birthdays, anniversaries. You look like you're in a recliner showroom. That's a beach towel. That's actually when I was still at the courthouse. I was going to say, you look younger, thinner, and cooler. No, he did not look thinner.

Now. Now. That was actually recorded in the jury room. Oh, jeez. How much would one run me for you and Ralph? A dual camera. Well, Ralph, I don't know what's going on with him right now. Is there anything you've had to deny that was maybe too lewd or inappropriate across

lines? There's been a few I've denied. Can you give us a hint? I think that some of them sound more like bullying. Oh, yeah. Bullying. Yeah, fuck that. Unless they're a Mets player.

Do you curse in them? Yeah. What are your favorites? Fucking motherfucker, motherfucking bitch, fuck, fuck. You fucking idiot. You're fucking incompetent. You don't know what the fuck you're doing because you're fucking feeble. It's a fucking goddamn like a fucking mess.

You don't know what the fuck you're doing. Those are good. Yeah. Now, what's your dream cameo? Would you want to do like a gender reveal party? I don't know how I could actually work that, but that might be kind of funny. What if the Mets higher-ups hired you to let people go? Okay.

Good one, Owen. Louie Rojas, please walk in. Louie Rojas, for two fucking years, you've sounded more like a fucking kindergarten teacher. You fucking suck. You don't know what the fuck you're doing. The only thing you can probably fucking do is coach in the fucking instructional league, but this is not the fucking instructional league. This is the major fucking league, and where winning is actually fucking important.

You know what winning is fucking important? You just sit there, you just blab, blab, blab, blab, blab, and you do nothing. You do nothing. Your lineups are fucking idiotic. You don't know how to run a fucking bullpen. You don't know what the fuck you're doing. You clearly were just a fucking manager

because you were in the right fucking place at the right fucking time. Because of Carlos Beltran, in the last year with the fucking pandemic, they didn't know what to fucking do with you. Then you got a new owner who didn't know what he was fucking doing didn't know who he fucking had so you kept your fucking job yes nobody knew what you fucking actually were but you fucking suck you fucking are horrible and now it's time you fucking get the fuck out of here because you're fucking fired Louie Rojas oh shit I wasn't't recording. And that'll run you 15 bucks.

What would happen if you were, say, like at ShopRite, and you turned the corner to the cereal aisle, and there was Louie Rojas? What would you say to him, if anything? You fucking suck. You would say that to his face. We need to do, like, an undercover, like, cab Uber driver type video. Louie's Rojas would get the Uber and say rojas oh that's frank the tank hey marcus

last night no well no that frank doesn't know it's louis rojas and louis rojas is in a disguise fake head hey marcus stroman last night yeah just throw him in a fake head. Did you forget the word mask? All these fucking kids running around October 31st with these fake heads on. We gotta get Rojas in a fake head. Because masks are obvious. I see a mask. I know what it is. We've all seen enough masks. It's a fucking mask.

We've seen enough masks. Anybody else getting an Amber Alert right now? No, I turned mine off. You have to go into the Apple store and ask for them to turn off. I scheduled an appointment, waited in line for two hours. My phone to take them away. I talked to a genius for three hours trying to get them. You guys all had jailbroken phones?

Oh, yeah. My doodle jump would just keep running as i slept i'd wake up just thousands of miles higher than i fell asleep arbitrary like fixes yeah nothing that like made it like more fun or enjoyable so you're risking bricking your phone yeah and i did it i risked it also my phone wouldn't say at&t in the top left it was a charizard you could have just put your name. You put Charizard. Or so you could have your icon.

Oh, the icon. It was wicked. It was wicked. Or you could turn your phone into negative light, which is just, you can't use it. The pros were, yeah, you could play The Legend of Zelda at three frames per second. There was the Game Boy emulator. But then your phone would be running at 200 degrees.

It was hot. Yeah. Burulator. But then your phone would be running at like 200 degrees. Oh, it was hot. Yeah. Burnt myself. We all jail... And it was so much less convenient to have a jailbroken phone. It just looked... It was worth it. The kids with jailbroken phones.

I would use the caller ID faker app. What was the app to jailbreak your phone? It was called like Laffy Taffy or something. I gave mine to Marcus. Dead Marcus? Yes. Oh, Jesus. Like before? Yeah, before. phone it's called like laffy taffy or something i gave mine to marcus dead marcus yes oh jesus like before yeah before he would jailbreak phones and like burn cds that's well didn't he jailbreak the he jailbroke a hurricane simulator at the mall yeah and then put batteries in the bottom so when people would go in it would be like hitting people like dura cells frank that's some shit you would do right

what was that going to hurricane simulator at the mall get a little like a little gust did you have any uh phases like when you were like growing up high school college that weren't sports like maybe like cars or like collectibles or a band a A show? You see, I have a lot of collectibles already. Was there any other fad or phase that really defined you for a period? Flicking crazy bones out on the playground? He never had those. What's a crazy bone? The little plastic toys.

You fluck them. Well, when I was really small, I had the Star Wars phase. Okay. All right. There we go. Who was your favorite character? Well, now it's the Emperor. Okay.

But back then, I would guess, when I was really small, I kind of liked the Ewoks, actually. Yeah? How could you not? But people like Darth Vader, you know? I actually identify with the dark side, I think. Are you a villain? You were a Lost in Space guy. I didn't start seeing those until like...

Were you a Twilight Zone guy? I saw some of those. Okay. What shows did I like a lot? We should do a video series where we're trying to get you addicted to other things other than the Mets and sports. Like drugs. Yeah. Drugs.

It's fascinating that somebody can write one script and it affects the personality of like generations of uncool kids for years to come see that's the thing like oh you're such a dork for liking the most popular movie franchise of all time you know you're the most regular person no not star wars i'm saying just like other shit i'll say this i was the first first person who got into Seinfeld. You were the first? You were the first, hey? In your immediate family or what? Well, before, well, I was, the Seinfeld was out when I was still in high school. It was first coming out and it was first starting to get popular.

And I was actually watching it starting like very early on, like the Pony Room Walk episode. Did you watch the pilot as it aired? No. No. Nobody did? Nobody did. It was on the pilot. Zero?

The pilot aired on July 5th of 1989. Yeah? Nobody's watching TV on that day. But there had to have been some. Wait, what was that? July 5th, 1989. Yes. Nobody had their TVs on?

Was it a crisis? I mean, I remember the first time I really started watching it was like the Pony Mark episode. And these are like the first full season. What was July 5th? You think it ever would have picked up if you didn't watch it? I mean, but... Okay, so that's... Can we see what else happened

on July 5th, 1989? Frank, you're playing coy. You're being... I mean, I remember seeing some of the first episodes, but I really, really got... Was there a major world event on that date? No, it was just the day after the 4th of July.

Oh, so that's why no one was watching TV? Nobody watched. I was trying to rack my brain for historical events that happened in that time frame. Nobody was watching TV. Why weren't people watching TV? Barry Bonds broke the home record were just hung over in bed. Not 1989. No.

The solo home run record. Oh. Rod Stewart hit his head on stage. We can't watch TV today. Nelson Mandela. What did Mandela do? All right, let's all pick a random day. And whatever the worst thing happened.

Okay. You have to do it. Yeah, but it can't be a known one. February 6th. February 6th. That's a side effect of the chi. God damn, I have a speech impediment. I need to go to the hospital. I can't be getting clowned again.

If you had a lisp, your life would be over. February 6th, 1994. Oh, you knew this one. This could be bad. Off the top. Off the dome. I freestyled that. It took a lot of cognitive ability to think of a random date.

Ah, man. Gwen Watford. All right, who can get the most famous death? All right, yeah, we'll do the most famous death. All right, well, I got Watford, so that's a healthy lead.

Hey, you got to create a big guy. Jack Kirby. That's a big one. So I got Kirby, too? You got Kirby and Watford. I don't even know which one to play. Always play Kirby.

I hate these targeted ads. They don't know what I fucking like. Besides the one you should be selling is the one that says Frank 850. Or if Frank was right. Frank, this is a very Frank-centric ad. Jack Kirby. He was an American comic book artist? Yeah, he...

Jack Kirby, yeah. He drew Spider-Man. Stan Lee? Much like. Oh, who cares? Well, that was Mike Francesa. Stan Lee died today, Mike. I don't care.

Who's Stan Lee? Oh, I haven't... I used to apparently use this comic book guy. Can you pull that? A lot of people like him I didn't know him I never did that stuff

I was always beating him up and shoving him in the locker I think you just said who cares yeah can you pull that clip up that clip or Francesco

the Giants vs. Giants oh the Giants vs. Giants Giants vs. Giants I almost got into a car accident because of that that's our goal we want to have some blood on our hands.

Yeah, we tried before. Like Jack Kirby on February 4th. All right, Nick, you want to go? Yeah, I'm going to go December 2nd. Oh, no. I know where. No, I don't know. 99.

Who could it be? I have no idea. I'm hoping for a kid. Okay. Joey Adams? Joey Adams. Fuck. That's it.

I just got Joey Adams and he died at 88. Of old age. Who the fuck was that? He was from ABC's Back to the Fact. Frank, did you like that? I don't even know who the fuck was that? He was from ABC's Back to the Fact. Frank, did you like that? I don't even know who the fuck would that show be about. Oh, fuck. Joey Adams.

Oh, fuck. His body's still cold, Frank. Yeah, why? That's too soon. The family's still grieving. Too soon. This was just 99. I'll do March 15th, 44 BC.

Shut up. That's Christ. No. That's Caesar, brother. Is it really? Yeah. He's not as famous as Jack Kirby. I can't do BC on this website.

Can't do BC on the website, cheater. I'll do... Just pick a day. April 28th, 2002. The iPod came out April 28th, 1999. Not for me. What do you mean? Not for me.

Come on. Russian General. Oh, Professional Wrestler. Not for me. Come on. Russian general? Oh, professional wrestler. I've heard of him. God damn it. He's someone that was like... Kyle, he's not as big as Kirby, right? Lou Thez.

Well, he is a professional wrestler. Lou Thez. He invented the Lou Thez press. He was like one of the first... He invented his own press? Yeah. Triple H does it. That's gotta be big,

right Kyle? That's bigger than Spider-Man. Frank, pick a day. Pick a day. Let me see. Frank, what are your thoughts on these?

Kevin. Kevin, Kevin, Kevin. Yeah. I mean, that could be any Frank. You gotta get Kevin back. You gotta roast Kevin. What could you possibly

put on a shirt that would roast Kevin? Not a lot of options. Frank, pick a day. Kevin doesn't even watch the Mets. Yeah, that would hit hard. Let me see. I'm going to go October 23rd, 1986. Why did you listen to Owen?

You just got swayed by Rotor. I don't know anyone who died in the 80s. Nobody did. They were all yipped up. Amelia Clark's birthday. Ooh. I'll give you that. An American biochemist?

Congrats on last place, nerd. Hey, but you had a good birthday. Why, Amelia Clark? Yeah. You a Game of Thrones guy? It's all right. Why is it a good one? But the last season I mean the last season

I mean she's the mother of dragons. The plot kind of sucks. Awful actress. She's going to come in here The genre isn't your thing. Distracting eyebrows. What about Emilia?

Well you know she was actually in Solo a Star Wars story. Nice tits too right? Nice titties. Alright that was a fun game. How about who was born and who

died? Or what event happened on your birthday? On our birthday? January 26th for me. Who you got born? My birthdays are Ellen DeGeneres, Wayne Gretzky, and Jerry Sandusky. Oh, there was a tweet like you had to go...

The goats of their respect. You got Sandusky and DeGeneres? Yeah, and Gretzky. Small potatoes. Is this you, Kyle? Go to famousbirthdays.com. I've been trying to get your birthday on there and they won't do it no just don't pass the threshold you don't pass the threshold let's see there's always a tiktoker with like a the funniest fucking name like

uh like it's always it's always cory jaben that's his last cory jin. That's his last name. Corey Jabin. Infinite. What's his name? His name is Infinite. Wait, what is he? His real name is Callis Cunningham. Infinite. What's...

YouTube stars, it says. Oh, he's been associated with Jason Wilhelm. Good crew. You got Bryce Hall. Oh, no, he's just another Leo. Was this January 26th? Yeah. What's your birthday, Frank?

November 13th. What, November 13th? Do you know any celebs who have your birthday? Well, let's see. There's Vinny Testaverde. Big one. Whoopi Goldberg. Chris Noft.

Got Kimmel. Kimmel? You skipped over Kimmel. Kimmel? You got Whoopi Goldberg? Yeah, Whoopi Goldberg. Oh, you got the guy who plays... Wait, you got the older brother in Diary of a Wimpy Kid.

Roger. I know Chris Knopf was also, I think it was November 13th, if I'm not mistaken. All right. Good crew. Good crew. Are you flipping off, Kyle Ebony? I've got Emilia Clarke. Do you actually?

Yeah. That's why I gave it to Frank. It's my birthday. Kyle? Have you ever seen how famous birthdays ranks Atlanta people? LeVar? No. Pull that in.

What's up, Ebony? Take a seat. We're really struggling today. Ooh, DJ Khaled's son. We're looking at the most famous people from Atlanta. They ordered them. Really? Yeah, number one's Maddie B.

Now, wait a second. Number two's Kanye. Three, we got Whoa Vicky. Maddie B, that's real Atlanta shit, Ebony. I mean, seriously. And then MLK. Lil Baby's pretty popular. Ebony, did you hear about what happened to me?

What happened to you? How would you have felt if i passed away tragically and the last words you spoke to me were about my penis are we still on this what would you how would you feel about that you know what i ordered you you've ruined his life would that i know i'm so happy about that you didn't ruin my life i can take a little you definitely can't you look at me like you want to kill me every day pussy i doubt that very much i doubt you're getting any i doubt you're getting any type of pussy okay wait because i'm not physically capable or because you're shaped like a barbie so it's a physical not even a ken not because i noted penisless Ken. You're shaped like a Barbie. You could have said Ken, Abby. Why did you say Ken?

Nah. I'm not holding back on this one. I'm just saying the obvious. What is the obvious? No comment. Now, as KB's partner in crime, I'm his cohort. Should I have to step in? No, you have several seeds and

just mind your business several seeds seats okay why are you staring at me like you want to fight kb you already told me you wanted to fight my baby daddy yeah he did say that i do all right just what's his attributes i don't think you want any smoke what is his measurements what are his measurements bigger than your dick oh bigger than your dick he actually has a it's not when what is that saying look he has a penis he actually has a print like something you can see wait is that what first drew you into the print conceiving a child in you do you notice print before face yes i did yes you're fixated on prints because you don't have a problem how big is six five is he a former six five is he an athlete no six five is he a string oh he's lanky yeah

first of all he's a drug dealer okay he's a drug dealer what's he gonna do nothing throw fentanyl at my face i'm gonna beat him up i doubt it very when you why because of height because of the height difference or because he's it? Because of the height difference? It's not about the height difference. You have no hands. You think because you're a wrestler you can fight. You could toss people around, KB. That doesn't make you tough. I would dive at his ankles. He could simply give you

15 to 20 milligrams of THC. Let's circle back, KB. I know you hate me. Look how you sit in Look Can somebody zoom into this man Look Zoom into this man Who the hell

Is taking you seriously Look how far He can cross his legs too Because there's no penis Stopping a thigh There's nothing there Kyle we can see like Nothing there

Wow some friend you are Nick What's it called when girls Get the dimples on the back of their legs You can clearly see Something sticking out Kyle I think has cellulite Cellulite No I do not

You have cellulite. Nice. I have nice legs. You were just talking about me talking about him. Now you're talking about him. I'm talking about him. Oh, okay. I'm just making sure.

We just cutting ass on you today. It's perfect. Frank? You guys probably ran around in some of the same areas. I doubt it. No. You and Frank? Yeah, no, I doubt it.

You never did like a North Jersey stint? No. North Bergen maybe? No. You stick Frank? Yeah, no, I doubt it. You never did like a North Jersey stint? No. North Bergen maybe? No. You stick to the Bronx. We want to do a live show in your neighborhood. Where do you go on your block? Have you ever been to a barcade?

You'd love a barcade. Does it look like I've been to a barcade? Have you ever been to Mr. Purple? It looks like you love Tick Tock. No, negative. You know, there's actually a barcade only a few blocks away. Yeah, we should hit it up. Am I invited?

Are you just saying this because you're on radio and you feel like you need to say it? I talk to you all more often than... I just think you talk to me because you have to. Why would I have to talk to you? Just to say you talk to me. What are you talking about? You've been around the block in this company. I have not been around the block. You've been around the block. I've been fucking? I ain't say that.

Then what could that possibly mean? I've been walking laps. I'm just saying. I don't know what you do with that. Alright, mean i've been walking laps i'm just saying i don't know what you do with that all right so you bet fucking fuck um so how about you just show me like how about you just show me shut me up this is where i cannot legally respond i don't know how you're doing this You've been getting away I've been getting away Because you know why Everybody like agrees

To what I'm saying Like nobody has the balls to say it And I'm here to let you know I love this dynamic duo on screen Okay Wow Alright so you've been at bars So longer than anyone here

In this room Right You've seen some things I have Rank I'm not Oh Well it's kind of hard

Alright okay Out of the fire The people who are no longer with us, talk some shit. Who is the rudest to you? Who is your least favorite? I would have to say Francis. You didn't like Francis? He's off-putting.

He's just annoying. You guys have a ton in common though. We definitely don't. Born with silver spoons. European vacations. Yeah, I can't relate. I'm poor. I live in the Bronx.

Roaches and rats. I ain't got time for that. He was like rich. He let everybody know he was rich. And in what manner? Just to let us know he was rich. My dad has this. My dad has that.

I had some caviar. Yeah, I don't eat that. Okay. I'm more a chicken type of girl. Just saying. Hot sauce. KB, why you keep staring at me? I feel like you got lots more to say.

He does. He does. Get it out. Say it with your chest. I've been telling him to say it with his chest. Say it with your chest. Say what with my chest? You staring at me.

I don't have no smoke with you. I just let you know you don't have it. We're talking. I'm right across from you. KB. I feel like you want to show me. You could cut this sexual tension with a butter knife. Yeah, you could.

Ain't nothing sexual coming from this end. You're not curious. I'm dry as a desert over here. That's an affliction. You should get that checked. You're making me dry. There's nothing sexy about you. I have a background with infants and toddlers. I don't think you want to say that radio with in professionally that was my field

how old are your offspring why do you want to know about my kids how old are they why giving me giving me weird people vibes it went from talking about your penis to talk about how old are my kids k KB, what type of time is you on? KB's not the stepfather. He's the father who stepped up. I don't even think he could get me pregnant with that shit. Is he driving the white van?

He definitely is driving the white van. See him peeking his eyes through like a peephole. Little Prince can still come. Yeah, not at me. It's not happening. And they call me the come guzzler no they who calls you that you said they how many people call you that i have two partners for real for real yeah they know about each other yeah facts yeah they care do they get along yeah we all get along wait really are you guys under one roof no that's progressive as hell don't be

jealous i'm not jealous i thought of it first you thought of what i can listen to call her daddy Wait, really? Are you guys under one roof? No. That's progressive as hell. Don't be jealous. I'm not jealous. I thought of it first. You thought of what first? I get bored fast. Call her daddy. Call her daddy ain't got nothing on me. I think all that shit is fake, but whatever.

It's all fake. I don't think neither one of them took, like, I don't even think, you know what? No comment. What do you mean you never took what? Comment. No comment. Comment. No comment.

Comment. No comment. Don't get me started on this show. You stole. You stole in valor. You're trying to call yourself the cum guzzler and they're the ones who they don't oh god they don't know how to suck they invented sucking dick they don't know how just because they sell merch they say call her daddy you think they look at these lips zoom into these shit okay okay zoom into these shit bitches in here they have to pay for lip

fillers. If you suck dick right, you don't need lip fillers. Frank. It's not about the lips. I'm just saying. You're talking about sucking dick. If you suck dick right, your lips will be plump like mine. So wait a minute.

KB, you were no best. That is a miscommunication. KB, you were no best. That's a myth. Right now, I'm ready to do it. You're saying that your lips would be smaller if you didn't suck it much dick. That is not true. That's not true.

Absolutely. I busted that myth before. And on it. Dick busted. I always have you geeking. He has you laughing and laughing. That's what you look for. That's what you want.

That's the ultimate thing that women look for. They want to laugh. Are your partners similar age or do you have have an old stallion and a young toy? No, my guy is 32. Both? And my girl is 29. Whoa, no way. Yeah.

I tell you, I swing both ways, I get bored fast. Respect. But there's no dick to suck on. There's more than two ways nowadays. Come on, KB. I was just waiting for you. I could give you some bitches if you want. But here's the thing.

Yes. I can give you something. What do you mean you can? Do it. Or who? Any of your girls? No, my girls is not going to want you, KB. What do you mean?

KB, they're not going to want you. They're not going to like it. I'm telling you. I listen to Des you. They're not going to like it. I'm telling you. I listen to Deezus and Mero. I can chop it up. What the fuck is that? You're BX born and bred, huh? You don't even rep your own?

Bro, they're definitely not going to like you at all. Give me – Who do I have the best chance with out of your girls? Can you bring a man? Give me their Facebook and we'll see what happens organically. I can definitely do that for you. Yes, let me just try. Matter of fact, I'm going to send one of my whorish friends

your way. If you can't scoop that, then you're doing bad. She knows she's a whore. Challenge. I know who I'm talking about. No, you should. Get her Get her off my ass

Yes Yes Alright challenge Okay Accept it Okay I'ma send I'ma send you the info I'ma send her some pictures

And show her what you look like Send her some pictures Also show her my blue check I'm not gonna tell her Anything about your Your dick I'm not gonna say anything about that Don't mention that

Caveat I'm not gonna say anything about that No dick talk I that caveat. I'm not going to say anything about that. No dick talk. I'm going to just let her know why you have money. Let's see if this works. I wouldn't be excited if I were you, KB. Why? Have you met this girl?

Well, Ebony told me I couldn't do something and I want to do it. Zah was trying to hit that and it didn't work out for him. Wait, what? No comment. Zah, so what do you mean I wouldn't want that? Nope, nope, nope. I'm done talking. Give me some more information on her.

What's her name? What's her sign? Her name is Jessica. She's a Scorpio. Yeah, you already know who I'm talking about. Look at her. She's a Scorpio. Zod, do you think KB would be able to hang?

No, I think she would actually be good for him. Teach him something new. What would she teach him? Oh, God. What would she teach him? I'll leave that for him to find out. Wait, why is Tommy pointing at himself? What? Frank versus KFC on the run now.

Frank was kind of tuning in. He was instrumental to this conversation, but... Yeah, he didn't want to talk about this at all. Text me her Facebook. Well, it would be nice if I had your number. Oh, fuck. Man, it looks like we have a reason to need it. Yeah, I need your number

so I can definitely try to hook this up. Okay. This is going to be an epic fail. Why? Yeah, because now you're going to be stuck hanging out with KB on the weekends because your girl's in love. I don't think she's going to be in love.

One taste of KB. I just think that she's going to... No, I think she's going to be in love. One taste of KB. I just think that she's going to... No, I think she's going to call me. I think you'd be surprised. Okay. You know what type of girl Jessica is. I do, and I think you'd be surprised. Can we give her a call?

KB's going to domesticate her. Can we call her right now? Let's start with a double date somewhere. Let's see. We'll go to West Village. My phone is on my desk. I can definitely call her. Ebony, you're on the show tomorrow as well.

I want you to host. Yes. I ain't hosting shit. I think you're underestimating me. Hostessing. Yeah, I could call. Wait, if you text me, text me her number. I was trying to get back in the good grace.

Yeah, definitely got you. You saw her stage. No, no, no. Stay out of this. I'm just calling her for KB. I ain't going to be talking. This is the most obvious dibs situation of all time. Stay out of this. I'm just calling up for KB. I ain't going to be talking. This is the most obvious dib situation of all time.

Oh, man. Wait. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You're putting this off like you're jealous. She is. And this is my, well, we'll see what happens. Of course she will say that. We'll do a double take. Jealous of what?

You don't want to hear KB. You don't want to hear about him. I don't want to hear about all the shit she's going to tell me. Like, Ebony, why did you do this to me? I thought we were friends. No, she will have to agree. Well, yes. Yes, Kyle.

They always do. Yes. They always have to. She's not going to be thrusted into this situation by you. She's going to have to want to. Yes. But will she? And I'll take care of that in the text.

Zas seems to think that is going to work, so I'm going to. Give her a heads up that. Yeah, I do. That could. This is going to be special, I think. It'll be fun. That's all I care about. It's another weekend for you.

I can't wait for that Apatow adaptation of this And she's just like me Okay Exactly the same So it should be fun She's gonna be cracking Does she have children?

She has a son How old? Could he beat me? Probably Wait, what about me and Owen? What about you and Owen what about us let me sit this one out guys yeah sit this one out

what the what Owen Owen I don't know about you too much he's quiet and Nick you're a pretty boy so I feel like you can get anybody I guess I am a pretty boy

I feel like you don't need me I don't feel like you need me to get the B.H. so they say the B.H. finally she's speaking some truth. All right. How about I rent a car, we pick her up,

we go somewhere in Jersey, somewhere nice, like an Italian restaurant. First of all, she's black, so I don't think she's going to like that shit. All right, I'll play Immortal Technique on the radio. Black people don't like Italian food. Come to the hood. No, she doesn't. Come to the hood.

And how about you come chill with us? Really? Yes. How did that work out for you? I actually, okay, I will chill. I missed your lips. Yeah. What?

What does that mean? She was definitely, she was definitely, because black girls love to do that. He was 12. Yeah, I was 11. You was 11? His first kiss. So? I have my, whatever, no comment.

Anyway. No, she's right. You always say no comment directly after you make a comment. Here we go. She's on. Oh, she's on. Oh, shit. Jessica, are you there?

Jessica. I'm actually nervous. She hung up. Oh, no. Damn, she didn't fuck with you. No, I get it. I get it. It's intimidating.

I mean, if this is based strictly on voice, she's mine. Well, don't fuck. Hey, Jessica, what's up? strictly on voice, she's mine. Well, don't fuck. Hey, Jessica, what's up? I'm definitely, we should have her like, you know, like a FaceTime with her. No, because I need to start in the text. She needs to see what you look like. No, I need to start without behind my boy avatar. Why?

That's my game. I start in the DMs with under the eyes of a child. That's lame. A harmless boy. That's lame. No, then we'll get there. You got to get straight to the point with her. Like, you can't beat around the bush.

Like, come on, get straight to the point. I don't do blunt. You're not active on Instagram, and you're not, your Twitter picture is that of a boy. So when girls DM you, they're DMing a boy. Yeah. Yeah, I'm like Chris Hansen, the vigilante. Like, what the fuck are you doing? Bitch. Antifile bitch. Get the fuck are you doing? Bitch.

Pedophile bitch. Get the fuck out of my DMs. That's how you nag girls. Don't fuck my homies. It's a tactic. You call, what the fuck do you want, pedophile bitch? If I sense that I'm about to get rejected, that's the move I go for. Why are you even entertaining a little boy?

I'm curious to see what your dms look like can we can we see that like a mets game a yankees game i'm just curious to see how many how many women be in your dm and like and what do you say none what do your dms look like i only get like dick pics and stuff wait what you get any stoolies who like find you and try to run game no never have you ever been recognized yes how did that go were you embarrassed no i just get the fuck out of my face i don't like that you know you know me i don't really like people you're not like you're not appreciative i don't really no one's ever been like i've been a big fan yeah we didn't i don't know if you remember like the guy in the old office that like used to record

dave walking around with his like you know with his both five he used to see me all the time i'm like hey ab i'm like bro you're fucking weird stop following me he was in the office yeah he was a co-worker no no he's not a co-worker he came in for the uh like interns and shit i don't yeah so he was just being really weird like so what if i saw you Out in public Am I allowed to say hey Yeah but you're hot Jesus Christ Don't Yeah I guess

She makes a good point You are Yeah no no You make a good I can't even argue that I have no counterpoint Whatsoever What's up

The crims segment No No KB's about to Call a girl I'm gonna see how This works out for him Cause normally He's not used to this shit You haven't seen KB's about to call a girl. Let's see how this works out for him because normally he's not used to this shit. You haven't seen KB in action.

I have, actually. I've seen videos of him kissing old women, remember? Well, yeah, but have you ever heard his credo, his motto? No, put me on, let me know. That ass fat, KB gonna have that. Oh! I like that, I like that, I like that. like that I like that and she got a fat ass

Jessica got a fat ass yeah of course she does she definitely does look Zah's like yeah she got a fat ass is she a flat colossal though leave me out of this bro

tall girl no titties no no no she has everything she's short big tits big ass no stomach short

short like how tall she's probably about your height she's very tall for like how tall she's probably about your height about the same height then she's not oh yeah perfectly oh there's kyle that's his own that's his only instagram picture what's my last it's his last ass on panama city but the face looks just like stevenville before Before you ask, yes. Oh, you hit it. No, she

just let me post that. She gave me permission then scurried off. We definitely gotta get Jessica back on the line. I feel her. Let's just start easy. Let's ease into it. Maybe brunch. Text her.

I did. What'd she say she said she said what white guy yeah you just said a white guy you got to narrow it down no no with her you gotta be real specific i just well you said white guy i said hey it might be is that specific i said hey i'm trying to hook you up with some white guy for my job you want it you want like what's up so she was like white guys i need pics uh i don't know if I'm ready to hear her response. Me either. After what I sent her. Let me do.

Why don't we need a middleman? Can we send a picture of Big T? I should send a picture of Frank the Tank instead. No. No, no, no. I think I should do that. On Frank Wednesday, no less. Oh, Frank Wednesday.

Yeah, it's right before Frank Thursday. Let me see what she says. Yeah, we need to get her on the line. Are you nervous? Are you cool? Yes, I'm nervous. Of course he's nervous. You've met her, right?

Yes, somewhat. How's KB going to do? What should he expect? KB's smooth. I've got faith in KB. Thank you. He should expect Riot. She's an absolute Riot, but she's cool.

I'm adaptable. I'll have the gumption to accommodate to her personality. Girls love gumption. Girls love your gumption. I do. That's why you have so many women, right? That's why you have so many girls. You didn't hear about his weekend this weekend?

I didn't. Put me on. Let me know. What's up? Put her on I don't deserve to know You never told me about your personal life I definitely

You know I'm an open book You know I have no filter Am I allowed to say what I was walking out of the office one day I said hey Abbie Have a good weekend And what you said to me Yeah

You said I got fucked in the butt yesterday I definitely did I definitely did I definitely did You definitely did I definitely did You see like it prevents pregnancy So I'm all down for it I don't know if prevent is the right word Face shots and you can't get pregnant from your butthole

You can't get pregnant from your butthole I'm just saying I have two kids I don't want to go back I'm good You good with two? I'm good with two I can swallow and I can take, you know. It is what it is.

Frank. I suppose so. Yeah, okay. Frank, the Mets. Is there any player, any starting player that you haven't talked shit on on Twitter? Yeah. Let me know, though. Thank you, Ebony.

Thanks, man. Keep me updated. Same time tomorrow. Get her in the office. Well, I don't really talk that much shit about Jacob DeGrom because he's good. Okay. But if you search NJTag99 DeGrom, it would be strictly positive? No, there's a few times where I might have said that he's having a bad game.

So would you ever want to do content with one of the players? Like a sit-down interview or something fun? I think it might be a very interesting dynamic if you brought in Marcus Stroman. What? One-on-one with Stroman. He'd be tough to contact. He has you blocked on everything, doesn't he?

He blocks everybody. Yeah? Not me. Tommy John, no DeGrom till 2024. You tweeted that three days ago. Well that's not

being He's feeble. That's not attacking him. Is he feeble though? No I'm just worried that he's going to have to

have Tommy John surgery. It's fair. I'm just worried that that these elbow problems he has that he'll end up having to get a surgery and miss all of

2023, 2022, and most of 2023. And the Mets, when they get Tommy John surgery, they never come back. They like sending the dog off to the farm.

You've never used the word swag. You've never tweeted the word swag. No. That's our challenge. You've got to tweet swag today in a sentence. Actually, no. Tweet just swag right now. I bet you it would blow up. I might have tweeted it one time making fun of celebrities.

No, just tweet the word swag. All lowercase? Yeah. Yeah, but people who are watching this will know what's going on. Hell yeah. The majority of people. Twelve people will know what's going on. About twelve.

Well, should we still have twelve left after? Yeah. Yeah. I like this one. Racist. May 7th, 2017. I'm not talking about that. Oh, look. I know. I voted Team Woodchucks, and you can too. Click the link.

That's an automated tweet. Yeah. May 7th, 2017. Fox Sports tweeted, DeMar DeRozan said the Raptors would have won if they had LeBron. And you replied, and his aunt would be his uncle if she had a penis. Is that from your own playbook?

That's funny. That's good stuff. KB, you seem to have like a glow about you right now. I'm pumped about this potential date. I don't know what's going to happen with it. What if she sits down and she's like,

hey, before we go out, I want to smoke. I would smoke. I would smoke a camel crush with her. No, no, no. Wee. Fuck. I'll tell her the story and she'll laugh.

Lay off of the wee. I'm dead serious. If she's down, I will go. Duh. I will pursue this. Yeah? Yes. You're fine dating a woman with a child?

I would go on a date with her. All right. I feel like you would prefer that. It would be a good dynamic for you. You'll be the pinch-hit daddy there. Yeah. Yeah, you will be. Pinch-hit daddy.

We should sell those in the store for all the stepdad fans. Or pinch-hit daddy. Drop top. It's all the perks of being a father without the sex. It's what you like. Nah, I want pinch-hit. You got a pinch, Mike. You got a pinch. You got a's what you like. Nah, I want to pinch it. You got to pinch. You got to pinch.

You got to pinch before you hit. Yeah. Yeah. You have to pinch off the tip of your penis so you can get her. This is dumb. We're children. Anything else, Frank? Any last thoughts?

Wishing good luck. Kyle, good luck with Jessica. Yeah, I wish a lot of luck. Any tips? I have no tips. What about you plan the first date? Where should he take her? Where should he take her?

Something that guarantees him a second date. Something that guarantees a second date. I don't know. Peter Lugers? Peter Lugers. Peter Lugers. Done. What's a date that has a part one and part two? Mets game doubleheader.

Oh. Yeah. So you really want to take her out and watch a bunch of people that don't score and try to score afterwards? That would be good. We'd be able to bond over that and watch a bunch of people that don't score and try to score afterwards. That would be a good, like, we'd be able to bond over that and laugh about it. You know, I actually went to a doubleheader, and I went to like five doubleheaders this year at the Mets, and a lot of them were like this, where basically one of the games, I went to three separate doubleheaders this year, where one of the games were one to nothing. That's exciting.

That's like the lowest possible score for a win. I have seen so many one-to-nothing games. Yeah, boys. Kyle. Sports guys. I've seen so much shit. Literally, I went to a game a couple weeks ago, a doubleheader against the Braves,

where the Braves won the first game two to nothing and the Mets won the second game one to nothing. Do you know how excruciating that is? Yeah, that's rough. That's mind-numbing. You should like a different sport. I mean... You should give up sports.

I mean, this Mets team is, in a word, feeble. Feeble. They are feeble. That they are. What adjective would you use to describe the Yak? Today's adjective would have been cringeworthy. Yeah. Bro.

Come on, bro. Come on, brother. Big bro. Yeah, that was. I mean, I was actually hoping for the Rapture to come. Yeah. They wouldn't be taking us. Yeah, well well it would have

just been uh ebony and kb at that point the last two people on earth imagine the hijinks there you know she gets bored easily i do too all right that's the yak yeah cut it Alright that's the yak Yeah Cut it Cut the fucking show It's the yak It's the yak It's the yak It's the yak

It's the yak It's the act. It's the act.