The Yak - Is Zah Being Catfished? We Investigate... | The Yak 9-13-23

Episode Date: September 13, 2023

He's Stu Feiner and you're notYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

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And it's got a cool dog. Rowback.com, promo code YAK. 20% off the first purchase. We got Bosco and Smokes. Smokes is in the building. Got it going. Yeah. Tommy. Tommy. Good stuff. Tommy.

What's up, everyone? Why'd you do that? Bosco and Brandon don't talk anymore. Bosco doesn't talk to me. Yeah, I don't know what happened. No, I don't know what happened. Ever since we yelled at each other on the case race, he now treats me like he used to treat cons. He just walks right by me.

He doesn't talk to me. I said hello to you. No, I shook your hand. I'm just working my way down. Real beef. You're making a thing. It's not a thing. Are you DMing your wife?

Not yet. Not yet. Sure, we're headed that way what can you guys squash the beef we did we had two great shows debut this week well well mostly sports and healthy debate yeah what's what's the well i mean i haven't i'm sure your show is fantastic oh brandon that was mean two Two great shows. Healthy Debate, mostly sports. Healthy Debate every day at 4 Eastern. No, every, when is it? I'm sorry, I really don't know.

It's all good. Tuesday and Thursday? Now I look bad. I really don't know. This is bad. Well, I'll give you a hint. You can tune in to the premier college football podcast at this company and know that there might be a shift in Healthy Debate.

Oh, yeah, yeah, there you go, there you go. That's not a college football podcast at this company and know that there might be a shift in healthy debate oh yeah yeah there you go there you go that's not a college football podcast uh that's a that's a rico psychosis podcast that's what that is okay so this is a real hey all right i'm sorry it's five ads i'm sorry but is it monday and thursday pays your salary you know you know that dan and dave are on the show, right? Keep it going. Keep going. Yeah. I also know you're attached to them like a barnacle.

Okay, fair enough. Off the street, I got in through the company with them. Dave also said, hey, Dan, I know you're trying to replace Rico, but he's irreplaceable. The show won't work with him. That was the best thing he's ever said. And if you notice, that's when the band got back together. Point of order.

We needed to bottom out. To replace Rico, he quit. You did quit. When is Healthy Debate? Every Monday and Thursday? Point of order. You said you were going to try to make it better. Yeah, you're right. No, no, you're right. And then I was like, I'm going to replace you. Six of one, half of the other. Here's the problem. This Yak show, this is a successful

show. Brandon's making it a me thing. You just made Pickle Mommy a you thing. Only because you brought it up. What are we doing about the Yak? Who's got a topic? A healthy debate is Monday and Thursday? Monday, Thursday.

There you go. Mostly sports you can find because Brandon has promoted it 10 million times more than he's ever promoted the yak. Why? It hurts, right? God forbid he has to share the shine with other men. Your phone just beeped, Katie? Yes.

What the hell? Oh, it's my parking expired. Oh. That's a neat way. Sorry. Healthy debate. You guys should try to kiss and make up. We're good.

We're good. Kiss wheel? Yeah, I'd run a kiss wheel right now. He wouldn't kiss me the night of the case first. Will you kiss me now? No. Kiss wheel. We'll do a wheel.

We'll kiss wheel right now, and if fate so happens, you two have to fucking tongue each other down. With the fucking kiss? Okay, kiss wheel. Not a tongue kiss, no, but it's a peck. Kiss wheel. All right, I think we're good. I don't think we really need all that.

What are the odds it's going to be you? Yeah, there's no chance it's you and Rico. See, no, it will. That's why. No, no, no. We're good. It could be Tommy. It could be me and KB.

Oh, my God. Are you already making plans? Why don't you have Brandon on Healthy Debate? That'd be nice. There hasn't been a headline. Do a one-on-one. Home and home. Yeah.

It's in college football season right now. Yeah, but Will Compton's team was still in the headlines. They're 0-2. Okay. Well, do you have to be healthy to be on it? Oh, shit. Mentally healthy, yeah. Is that true?

We're promoting it, yeah. Mental health awareness? Mental health, yeah. Brandon's not mentally healthy. He makes everything about himself're promoting it, yeah. Mental health awareness? Mental health, yeah. Brandon's not mentally healthy. He makes everything about himself. Or me, apparently. You guys are great together. You guys should do a show together around noon.

We did for a while. Picks and everything else. That'd be fun. Hey, Brandon. Hey, buddy. All right. Did you guys see the jersey swap with the guy that they manhunted? Oh, that was awesome.

Oh, God. It's awesome. I don't have a problem with it. Is this the manhunt in Philly area? Yeah, they caught him. Oh, shit. And they literally had all the police do a picture with him. A team softball picture. Oh, no way.

Yes. Like, out of respect? It was, I don't know what it was, but it was one of the funniest clips. It was a we just won the championship picture. Yeah, murder. Look at this. They're all lined up. He's a murderer.

Imagine, like. Oh, they all want in it. Yeah. Yeah, you need to be in that. They're like, look, let's all get together. Good manhunt. Get the dog up front. Yeah.

Is that for Instagram or the news? This is fair play. Let's all get together. Good manhunt. Is that for Instagram or the news? This is fair play. Let's all get in here. Good job, boys. Two weeks of manhunting. When does manhunt go from police to troops? I think this one did. That's the ATF.

That's the ATF cosplaying military. Jesus. What is the ATF? Alcohol, firearms, tobacco, right? Alcohol, tobacco. We're definitely going to have that in order. Okay. Cosplaying military. Jesus. What is the ATF? Alcohol, firearms, tobacco, right? Alcohol, tobacco, ammo. Definitely didn't have that in order. For whatever reason. ATFs are the ones that killed Waco, right?

I think that's who that was. Were you guys manhunt people or capture the flag people? I don't know what manhunt is. What is manhunt? I don't know. There's different names for it. Manhunt's like you got to cap. There's a different names for it manhunt's like uh you got a cap there's a jail you gotta capture them you can put them in the jail and then you get

you can free people out of it it's like it's a what outside it's an outside game it's like a elevated version of tag you're not one of those goofy motherfuckers that call beer pong beirut no okay manhunt was a game it's a real thing that exists yeah my buddy timmy never got caught in manhunt ever is he now a criminal he's a cop now oh oh that makes sense wow he goes to like nobody he could he knows what the manhunters do yeah glad he's on our side what would he do that would make him so good he's just super fast climbed trees was willing to do shit people weren't like when you're figuring out what your parents, like, oh, is this a good idea? He's already doing it. He's jumping off the fence. He's going over the lake.

Wild card kid. Did you see the video of that guy escaping jail? That's incredible, too. Wait, I didn't. I think if you escape like that, you should be allowed to be free. Well, he's a murderer. He's very much a murderer. He kind of earned it.

I think he murdered his girlfriend or wife. His girlfriend, who has two young kids. I can't comprehend. His ex-girlfriend. Pretty graphic, pretty terrible. This is like what I used to do in the hallway as a kid, and my mom would cut it out. Give him a reward of some kind. Wait, KB, this looks like something you could do easily.

Easily, but give him a medal. And that's the exact spot and the exact way another prisoner escaped previously, and so they just put a little bit of barbed wire on the roof thinking that that would stop it instead of putting up a cage and so he just did it and he just crawled through the barbed wire yeah new shirts yeah did you see oj made a 9-11 joke and then somebody was like this is a new low no no no it's not no no no i also feel like 9-11 jokes they were there was i think they've gone back to being like is that a free way to live though if you have murdered before and gotten away with it you can you can pretty much joke about anything and it's not a new low for you right you can do anything in the rest of his life and it's not a new law for

him well unless he killed more people if he killed double the people no that would be the same low no if you killed four that would be a new low allegedly he would kill four people once so it's it's the same thing it's still a low so what if he killed two different people on two different data like went two and two that's twice as bad as before i guess so yeah did you guys also see in the press conference the best question ever was asked for the convict? I guess it was a... Philly comedian Mike Rainey. Yeah, Rainey. He's very, very funny.

I'm actually mad that the police didn't actually take this as a real question. What did he ask? They threw the guy out? Barstool Philly tweeted it. Is this like when Stuttering John used to do stuff at Stern? Man, this Prisoner Escape just keeps giving content, doesn't it? It was two weeks. I didn't realize it was that long. I hadn't heard about it

until this morning. I think Nadeau got involved. My parents went driving around. This guy's Amish? With a revolver in their car. Nadeau put out a poll. He's like, I live 45 minutes away. Should I go do it? Wait, where did he get caught? Do it as in like get the guy himself? Yeah, get him. Didn't Dog the Bounty Hunter get involved? Dog the Bounty Hunter

said that he was going to get involved. Then I'm pretty sure that's why Danilo got caught. He didn't get there in time? I don't want to. Oh. I know it's over. That seems perfect. Put a poll out.

It involves travel. So should I do an SCI? Sir, is there any concern that he would team up with another small name to step inside the trench coat a little rascal style? No. That's crazy, the police who didn't use that little consideration. Nah, they've been working around the clock, living in vans, fucking trying to get in this

psycho's mind. Well, I'm just saying that's a loophole. It is funny, but... You just found a loophole. Yeah, yeah, yeah. His next guy can just do that. They weren't even considering it. I think he was in a shed is where they found him. Always a shed. Maybe a boat. That's why I don't have a shed.

Because you don't want a guy. That way I can't harbor criminals unknowingly. Two weeks is a long ass time. How long was the guy upstate when they made that miniseries on Showtime? Do you remember that one? No. It was like Escape from Elmora or something like that?

Nobody remembers that? No. Okay. Are you thinking of The Rock? It was a real TV show, and it was about five or six years ago. Are you talking about Prison Break, the TV show? You're talking about Prison Break on Fox. That wasn't a real documentary. This one was based off a true story i think

you're thinking of prison prison break on fox yeah it was shawshank no that's shawshank that's true story too uh this one was a real story the guy he cut the thing and the the lady was in on it like the the woman who kind of ran the shop classes. Oh, didn't they run off together? Yeah. And they were banging in motel rooms? They were banging while they were there, and then he got his partner involved. It was a famous actor's, like, sister.

Yeah. And I can't think of her fucking name. How did Andy Dufresne know the hole at the end of the pipe would be big enough for his body to fit through? What do you mean? He took a shot. He didn't know. Well, they took buses outside the prison to do working parties. You saw the pipe?

I think he saw the pipe. It's like Elmora or something like that? Prison break is what he's talking about. Let's see. One of the big questions was why didn't Andy Dufresne, there was so much pipe between him and the wall, why did he make the hole where he did? Why didn't he just go closer? He made his crawl longer.

Escape at Dannemora. Showtime. Official series. Dannemora? Kind of close. Kind of close. It's got these guys in it? Nobody ever saw these guys?

I don't know. Let me see those guys. No, I don't know either. It was good. It was a good entertaining miniseries. I'll watch it for you. Tommy, you think it's weird that you were flirting with the weather girl on her first day? Yeah, I actually.

Oh, man. I was not flirting with her. Big Cat wrote that card. I've been nothing but respectful and professional to her. I heard you guys had a date tonight. That's not true. That's not true? It was at 7 p.m.

Do you not find her attractive? She's very attractive. Oh, come on, Tommy. Oh, my God. You can have a mom that's attractive. Oh, come on, Tommy. Oh, my God. You can have a mom that's attractive. Oh, Tommy. Tommy. Tommy, come on.

Hold on. Like, does Alexandra Daddario have kids? No. Oh, yeah. If Jennifer Aniston, she have kids? I'm sure. No. Jennifer Aniston doesn't have kids.

Elizabeth Banks. You can't name a mom. Yeah, you don't name a single mom. Jennifer Aniston doesn't have kids. Emily Radajkowski. Okay, Emily Radajkowski. Yes. She has one child.

Yeah, one day they'll be able to be like, oh, yeah, obviously my mom's attractive. They don't want to fuck her. Blake Lively. They don't want to be attracted to her. Blake Lively's got kids. Yeah. Total smokes. So you look at your co-worker like a mother who's younger than you?

Like a sister. Yeah, like a sister. But incest porn exists. Not for me, it don't. Really? I mean, it exists Not for me, it don't. Really? I mean, it exists in my world. I don't... So wait, so you don't...

You don't find her attractive? I said she's attractive. I'm not attracted to her. So you said very attractive. Are you sexually attracted to her? No. Do you want to smash? I wouldn't even say she's a friend.

Smash or pass? I'm not answering. Yeah, that's a... And I'll be all smash or pass. What if you saw her on a dating app? Would you swipe right? Does she work here? No.

What if she swiped on you? I mean, you know, so would all of us. No, I would. Well, I'm married. Yeah, and also in case she ever worked for us. Yeah, but you also have a history of inappropriately kissing coworkers here. No, I... Tico.

That's true. Clemmer. I never kissed Clemmer. I thought, I... Tico. That's true. Clemmer. I never kissed Clemmer. I thought you kissed Clemmer. You need to. That's what the streets have been saying. I don't think Clemmer has lips. They sink in.

It's a row of teeth. I've had a few meetings on the third floor and they see you come up the stairs like, oh, God, here comes Horny Tommy again. Horny Tommy is what they call him. Horny Tommy. Doing his rounds. Look, I'm sorry.

Ah, Carl, I'm sorry. You have to be careful because any girl could eventually be a co-worker. That's true. So you just can't. You've got to be gay. But guys could be co-workers too. Yeah, but that's okay. Like not gay guys.

Yeah, you're not like a chubby chaser though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What? You can only fuck skinny guys. There's no chance they're going to go. Tommy, what was the vibe in the office yesterday was was it true that jordan was there when dave said girls were done yeah it was like me and then uh and then radio finished and i think nate and trent walked into the kfc radio studio

and they saw jordan was just in her in their studio doing a voiceover and they immediately closed the door like the Simpsons meme, and I think she left shortly after. Oh, man. I didn't see her. I did see Alex in the morning right outside the office on a run. I saw Jordan there. On a run?

Yeah, she was on a run. You were on a run or she was on a run? She was on a run. It was like, I don't know, 9.30. I was getting a coffee, and I saw her running by, and I was like, oh, maybe she's coming to the office. And then two hours later, she was not working here anymore. Was there, like, a celebration?

Because this was... Keegs and Clemmer were... Celebrating? They were making out. They got a kill count. Yeah, they were celebrating. They got on the board. Dave said that Keegs was actually the one who put a nail in their pocket.

I didn't realize she statistically did. There was a statistical drop-off in listenership for their show after Kelly's blog. Rico, are you happy to have company? This one was nice. So I equated it to this on Pick'Em. I said, you know, like in Casino, when they're like, yeah, Tommy was a suspect in 50 murders. Yeah. Like, it's nice that for a while, anything that happened, they were knocking on my door,

and I'd at least have to go down and explain an alibi. I didn't have to explain an alibi for this one. It was kind of nice. But those guys are like one-off crimes of passion. You're like Paul Pott. Yeah, I know. But I don't think I'm on The Most Wanted anymore, so it's nice. Yeah.

It's crazy. Keegs got on the board. He didn't blame you yesterday. He said she's the new Kirk. He didn't say the new Rika. I also don't blame Keegs at all. Wait, who said this? Dave.

Said who? Said that Kelly is the new Kirk. No, nobody could ever replace Kirk. I want that on there. I don't think that was Kelly's fault. I think it was their reaction was their fault. Kelly did her job. The way they reacted was what tanked them. They stopped coming off

a lot for themselves. Which I think Kelly expected them to write a blog being like, well, we have a more successful show than you. Right, if they had fought back, that would have changed the narrative. But the fact that they didn't is when it became really bad. Kelly said she had a show canceled literally one week later. It was like, that would have been the greatest victory parade of all time. It should have been for the mean girl. It is funny, though, that Kelly was the grim reaper.

I mean, she's the president, right? Yeah, asterix why they won't release the google forms she's been in france for a month since the fucking election foreign affairs she's trying to get us global she's trying to get us global tommy trying to make money 50 big macs pretty nice 50 bird yeah she did a big i think i counted them i think she did the right thing i think it was 48 or 53. Why do you say 48 or 53? How do you get to 48 or 53? My brain is so weird.

I love it. Because either one's not 50. But the way this shit is. Why would you say 51? 49 or 51. 51. Nah. Yeah, we're too close to 50.

You never seen The Accountant? People, when they're skimming books or different things, they go to a certain number. Three is a great number for me. And was gary carter god rest his soul so eight and three is where my brain goes not just one and nine you explained i'm out i got no affiliation to one and nine i got affiliations to threes and eights you know what i'm saying uh but the way this year is going the 70 burger might be the new 50 burger so who knows that's true um what else we got going on i'm looking at you kyle oh there was something i wanted to see oh did you see this oh sorry go ahead kyle no he's on the show he's better i'm saying he's better i'm better he go it's not a date go you get mad before Go. What did you mad me for?

He passed you the ball. He said you're a better shooter. Rico. Rico, come on. What did you mad me for? Zod, did you have any contact with this girl? Oh, horny hours. Horny hours.

So. Oh. Yeah. What? All right, go on, then I'll tell you what I think. No, not yet. What? So Elon, I don't want to out her.

I don't want to out her account. But she had a new account, and it just popped up. I got a DM from the account, and I think that's a catfish. Oh, no. So the photo she's using is definitely not her. Well, hold on. What? Here's the thing. I know the girl in the photo. Oh, so she's catfish. Oh, no. So the photo she's using is definitely not her. Well, hold on. I got this. Wait, what? Here's the thing.

I know the girl in the photo. Oh, so she's – so this new – Yes, I'm going off. She DM'd you. No, no. I met her. Brandon fell for a cat. Yeah, but then you said you got a DM yesterday.

But they had the name right, and I never said the name. I met her Saturday. She said, hey, I'm blank. How many – what was her account what is her profile like um she she said she has it has zero followers i was concerned about that oh i asked the i said the account name what was the profile name good job i don't want you getting catfished i i met her those horny hours get out there it's gonna be i don't think she was on twitter i think that was the way she she decided to contact what was her picture it's going to be a problem. I don't think she was on Twitter. I think that was the way she decided to contact me. What was her picture?

It's a picture of somebody else. It's not her. And you think that's still her? There's no way it's her. But how would it not be her? She had the name right. I think he has a real chance with the real girl. I don't want some...

She had the name right. She got the name right. Right. I met her Saturday. She DMed me. She said, she DM'd me. She said, hey, this is blank. What is her profile name? I don't want to say it.

Let's get to the bottom. Was there an adjective before her name? There's little. Yeah. Little? It just screams. L-I-L or little? L-I-L.

A brand new account with a photo. But how would they know the name is my question. Maybe they know the girl. She said she was willing to call in oh so she's real she dm me actually says i'm willing to call he needs to prove her can we just point blank ask her yeah what's going on with that well if we have a call in it's kind of proven that she's not catfishing right but why wouldn't you want to know why she's using another photo you've seen the show talking about about? Yeah. That's a classic case of catfishing.

You're like, oh yeah, I'll call you. Can't FaceTime. Okay. Broken. I still want to call. I still want to ask why a different profile photo. Well, I just think, I don't know. She just put... You can't be putting Zahn harm's way. The girl she uses is like the most

famous dwarf model on the planet. That's what sent the email. So we need to get that girl for you. All right. What can we call her? Brandon, it's me, blank. I met you and wanted to meet Zah. And when was the account created?

I don't know. She DM'd me on June 14th. June 23. Yeah. June 23. Why did you give her your number first? I didn't give her my number. My DMs are open.

She said I can call in if y'all want to talk. That's what she said yesterday at 1222. So maybe she... I don't know if we have that capability here. We do. Okay. Let's get her on the line. Yeah, let's call her. Huh?

Okay. It's 2023. I don't know if she's willing to do that. Yeah, let's call her. Huh? Okay. It's 2023. I don't know if she's willing to do that. We'll see. Have her call your cell phone. I'm not giving her my cell phone. What if she's a catfish? You have to do this.

It's your number. 7-3-2-6-8-1-5-0-5-5. There it is. Zah, I'm fighting this battle for you. I'm trying to get this done. I'm literally going offline in front of you. That's why I took it. Zah, I'm fighting this battle for you. I'm trying to get this done. I'm literally going offline. Trust me. That's why I took it. Zah, you're smart.

I would have gotten right to horny hours and just started popping off. So I don't want that to happen. So I went into it. I started doing my research. I had to chill a little bit, pivoted to, I don't know if you guys saw yesterday, Susanna Gibson. That's what. You pivoted to Savannah Gibson?

Yeah. Who's that? Who's that? Who's that? The horny hours. That's who you like to talk to. Wait, so you got, like, all, you went through the steps of Horny Hours? You're like, all right, here it comes.

We're ready. Yep. And then you're like, hold on. Hit a brick wall. Dude, that's smart of you. Because I feel like once you get into Horny Hours, you don't have the ability to be like, maybe this is a cafe. Did you have the DM typed up?

Oh, no. Okay. Not yet, not yet. So I was going to see, check out the lay of the land kind of deal. What were you going to say? I mean, you got to check out the lay of the land. You got to check out the lay of the land, then you DM them what? Gimme gimme?

Gimme gimme it? Gimme gimme works every time. Just start quoting ABBA. But Susanna Gibson is like a member of the house. She had a... What? Oh, yeah. Wait, this is the candidate?

Catfished by a political candidate? No. She's famous right now. She's doing porn. Oh, my God. Wait, what is this? Virginia Democratic House candidate performed sex online with her husband

for tips. Were you jerking off to the Washington Post? Wait, why is this illegal it's not it's not it's just frowned upon for a political yeah chief did a blog saying i don't see why this is a bad thing yeah especially with all the other shady shit going on in our offices right now yeah i'm trying to find the tapes couldn't find them so if anyone found them please. What is that thing up there? You've seen that before. Oh, I know what that one is. That's the same girl?

Yeah. Wait, that famous photo. Wait, I have a question. This is a dumb question. No, it's like the most common meme now. Is it tips for money or tips for how can I better fuck my husband? That's a great idea, yeah. I feel like tips for money how how can i better fuck my husband that's a great idea yeah because i feel like money makes it improper tips for like hey anyone got any tips on how i can like blow them better that's she's just that means she'll like get in the corners and and do what needs to be

done to get the job done right like that's a constituent that's a politician i want on my phone bro you gotta raise him somehow yeah that's yeah that's someone it's not the only thing she's raising oh man that was a dick joke uh oh that's the first time it's ever been made on the yak a dick choke we try to be a little bit yeah spin the kiss wheel the uh but seriously if she if she's like hey look, look, this is how I fuck. Anyone got any tips for me? That's a politician. That means she'll go anywhere to get anything done.

Open-minded. Yeah. She knows what she doesn't know. Would it sway your vote if she wasn't throwing that thing around right? If she wasn't throwing her pussy around right? I don't know if I want a politician that fucks too good. Really? They'll be fucking too much and not fixing the country unless they if you fuck too good maybe it's because you don't fuck a lot and it's like this is my one chance true make it count i think

i want a politician who fucks good really yeah superman fucks good these politicians if a video leaked of mitch mcconnell like absolutely throwing dick down yeah yeah i would be like okay i i respect that i've i'm switching my mind a little i don't know but then how often are they just thinking about puss often a lot attacks they're all freaks yeah but i feel like he is like a freak i'd vote for an asexual politician no but see if you make if you vote for a politician who doesn't fuck good and they're just walking around with a loaded clip all the time frustrated about how bad they suck well they fuck they just don't fuck that well right but they're probably frustrated they're like i wish i fucked better

let me go bomb this country instead right well what has the country done right true good point i don't know i kind of want i kind of want my politicians to fuck well i just want my my politicians to be normal people. I think most normal people don't fuck well. Do you think that's why you didn't get voted president? Yeah, you fucked too well to be. Yeah, wait a minute. That's what I spin.

Yeah, I fucked too well to be the president of New York. Right, right, right. We all know that. That's what you told the new weather girl. She doesn't. She never will. Will she find out? No.

We're co-workers. Yeah, but that didn't stop you with Hannah. I never actually. Or Tico. Or Tico. Just kidding. Just kidding. That was a joke.

That was a joke. That was a joke. Did you guys see Feidelberg duped Frank? Yes. That was great. That was Frank's dad. I don't think he needed to be in a disguise. No.

He did not need to. I think just like a hat. Yeah. I did it with my hood up. Hey, Frank, big fan. Is that video? Yeah. It looked exactly like you.

That's like when Frank confuses Stephen Che and Jake Marsh. That one's fair. They both wear glasses. That one's fair. Stu does that? Oh, I thought Frank did that. I thought Frank did that. I think Frank said hi, Steven, to Jay.

I think Frank screws up the Jack Max, too. Wow, everybody does that. I'm trying to think. He screwed somebody else up, too. Frank will be here next week. Whoa. For what? He's going to Notre Dame, Ohio State.

I can announce it.ane gillison but personally invited him that's great that has to be so what dude be incredible yeah they're going to the game together i think he'll be here for the stream that sunday we heard is frank a big notre dame huge i feel like i don't hear that as much as the other yeah you don't hear that one nearly oh yeah i didn't even know i don't think it pains him as much. Oh, yeah. I didn't even know that. I don't think it pains him as much. Like, if you ever have noticed Frank's Seton Hall fandom, it's like it's a bizarro world, Frank. Like, when they lost in the Big East tournament last year, he came back, and I was like, what do you think? Like, coach, not so good. He's like, got to give him time.

I was like, who the hell is this, Frank? That's kind of how he was with the Devils. Right, right. Hell of a run last year. You could go into his closet and arrange it by most nod to least nod on, and you could figure out his name. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. Right. Hell of a run last year. You could go into his closet and arrange it by most nod to least nod on and you could figure out. Yeah. Yeah. It's Mets and Dolphins are just

tattered. Yeah. And then Seton Hall and Notre Dame are pristine shirts. Yeah. I like that Frank is a Notre Dame fan though because he I think he picked Notre Dame for the tradition. Yeah. Well, yeah. No, no, no. Everyone around the New York City area doesn't have college football teams, and the only thing on TV growing up was Notre Dame,

so everybody roots for Notre Dame. And the tradition. That too. But, yeah, that's why I grew up a Notre Dame fan. I thought you were an Oregon fan. I thought you were a Duke fan. Duke basketball. Growing up, Notre Dame football.

I thought Oregon football. I did. Then when we moved, I told this story. We moved into the house. We'd have to go back and fix up. We'd go fix up the new house and then go back to the old house where we were living. And we would stop and get Subway. And Oregon was always on at 10 o'clock.

And I watched the game with my dad. Some things. That's beautiful. Yeah. You get Subway on Staten Island? It was late. It was 10 o'clock. You're not going to hear it.

You can't get the fresh moves. And the Subway was right by the house we were moving into. I mean, Subway's delicious. I like Subway. Yeah. So, Zach, can we get this girl to call in? Hmm? Yeah.

Are you nervous? No, not at all. I guess. Well, it's not horny hours. I'm nervous once she's on, I guess. Brandon, how are you going to get her to call it? I don't know. I'm working on it right now.

Does she have an Instagram? I don't know. What can I ask her? That would help. Having her just send you a picture of herself. That's for a photo. Okay. Hold her four fingers.

You got to have her hold up like a spoon on her forehead or something really specific. Yeah, today's newspaper. Why? Yeah. Okay. Four fingers. Where did she go? Nobody's holding up four fingers. Yeah, today's newspaper. Why? Okay. Four fingers. Where did she go? Nobody's holding up four fingers.

Oh, no. Where'd she go? Ghost. Let me get it out of the cafe. No, hold on. There she is. Okay. Can you send me a picture of yourself?

That? That's weird. Wait, what do I need to say? What are you wearing? They prove you're they prove real yeah do you have clothes on right now we need you to prove it's really you say do you have clothes on right now no no send me a picture now just send her like what are you wearing we're being ridiculous i'm looking at this this is not her right this is a dude what but how would she how would he know the name because it wouldn't be a girl.

This isn't her. There's no chance. That's not her. It's a fake profile picture. Zero followers. But why? She made the account using the sad fake profile. How does he know the name?

That's the only thing that is stopping you from believing? I met her. She said, hi, I'm blank. And that's a very sad thing. I never said the name on the show. The name matches. The name matches. So the name matches the name matches so the name okay you met you met a girl that looks like that yeah no no no i met a a blonde wait kb i met this girl on saturday

why would she do that i don't't know. She's the hottest. Maybe that's her hero. Little person, right? Yeah. It's like Yankee fans with like a dark G. All right, Zah, I see what you see in her. You're a bad ass, man. She's crying.

Down, boy, down. Hi-ho. Hi-ho. I hope I agree it looks like it would be a dude but the name matching gives me pause she made the account in June just in case this would ever happen two months later she uses a fake profile picture i don't know why the profile

picture's fake i i don't know maybe she's not a twitter person maybe she is instagram oh well i guess i could look up that name on instagram but then she'd still have photos on her phone of her maybe she's not a twitter huh i did i was doing some research. I did that. Is there Instagram? I could not pick up anything. Is there Instagram also photos of? There was nothing on Instagram. Oh, good. Damn.

The name, though. Please reach out to us. But the girl you met in person was attractive? How did you meet her in person? I was in Alabama. I was in Tuscaloosa. I was shaking hands with people after the show. She came up. I didn't

see her during the show because you know. Okay. It's a standing crowd. But anyway, she comes up to hey Brandon, I'm a big fan of you guys. I love Zaha. Oh my God, I love Zaha. Can I please meet Zaha? And she specifically called out the

act. You guys are dwarf friendly and I love that about you. And that's what she said. That's how she introduced herself. She was a dwarf. She said her name. She said her name. Why are the podcasts that are not dwarf-friendly not being canceled right now? No, we keep pointing that out. Yeah, it's bullshit.

Can we put them under the ringer, Zah? Can you start, like, maybe getting people on the chopping block? I listen to a couple anti-dwarf podcasts. They're pretty good kevin durant's boardroom what are the titles uh mostly sports why haven't you had zon yet it's's facts. I don't know. Okay. Just telling him grow up a lot. Well, that came from you.

Calling him babies. Oh, come on. Grow up. We got to get to the bottom of this. We have to. I want to tell her to call in. I said we need you to prove it's actually you. So you can send me a pic

or you can call him. Just DM me on Instagram. Yeah. You don't need to explain to her how to prove it's her. She can figure out the way to prove if it was her. In many ways. And couldn't she have DM'd you all along?

Ask what she was wearing on Saturday. I don't remember what she was wearing. I mean, they could probably just say an Alabama shirt. Right. Size small. But Instagram is easy to find. Oh.

What does she mean? I need... She says, okay, I'm in. That's exactly what she means. But what does that mean? Is she going to call? Is she going to call? Is she going to take a photo?

Is she going to DM Zah? She said, okay, I'm in for what? She just said... I said, we need you to prove it's actually you. DM Zah on Instagram. She said, okay, I'm going to take a photo out of Matt. Is she going to DM Zah? She said, okay, I'm in for what? I said, we need you to prove it's actually you. DM Zah on Instagram. She said, okay, I'm in. Oh, then yeah, Zah. Oh, so Zah, she's about to DM you on Instagram. To DM you.

Can I talk about an unfortunate reality? Yeah. Yeah, do the high noon ad real quick, and then I want to hear your unfortunate reality. Yeah. Me? Yes. Yes. You.

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gluten-free and no added sugar the high noon game day pack is a fall exclusive which means it's here for a good time not a long time visit highnoonspirits.com for your next tailgate to find a pack near you okay unfortunate reality well she what if we what if we find her and she talks to Zah, and what if she doesn't make him horny? It's Zah. She'll make him horny. It's in horny hours. Zah, any concerns about the horniness?

Let me tell you something. Everything is in play with this guy. Okay, all right. I am not picky at all. All right, all right, all right, all right. Hell yeah. So she said, okay, I'm in. How do I call?

But that just does the voice. That doesn't do a picture. That's enough for me for now. For now. Because I have questions. Let's go for now. I got to see her. You got to DM me on Instagram.

Okay. Follow up tomorrow. Okay, all right. Right now. Today we want to do the DM on Instagram. Yeah. And tomorrow we'll follow up. Get me fired up tonight, hopefully. Tomorrow I'll get do the DM on Instagram. Yeah. And tomorrow we'll follow up. Get me fired up tonight, hopefully.

Alright, alright. Alright. Do you guys see these fucking aliens in Mexico? Yes. I don't buy it. Bullshit. So they're ancient aliens? Ancient aliens. Nice little mustaches. I also would like...

They're made of paper mache? They're nothing. You'd squash them in two seconds. You wouldn't be worried if they came back? Do you see them? Yeah, they're like this big. They're like, yeah, like 20 pounds. But would they fly in tiny little spaceships, like cute little spaceships?

Definitely. That'd be awesome. Now, was this the Mexican government being like, look what we have? Or was this like some guy in Mexico being like, look what we found in my backyard? I don't know. That's a good question. Look at that thing. Jesus.

Oh, nice. I'd fucking sit on that. Cutest butt. Also, isn't that probably just- Look at those little hips. Yeah, that's got to be a real alien. God, horny hours. That looks just like an alien.

We were so right in all our drawings. Are there? Yeah, I know. I'm just not buying that it has any human shape or nose. It doesn't make sense. Why would it be shaped like us? It's got exactly the same pelvic bones. Yeah.

No chance. Can somebody Photoshop Clemmer in that? I don't think it would take much effort. No, I think you... That could have been it. Did you see the outfit Frank wore today to celebrate? No. Celebrate what?

What are you celebrating? This is to celebrate aliens? I guess so. Is that the woman's? I kind of like it. He was just wearing that what's the the visual him like what is this i got something that's like yeah that is like a sexy pose yeah future jerseys night that they did at one point where they did like 99 i think they did it

why is the what are the symbols that's the female symbol yeah isn't that the female yeah this was no no thirst trapping this was yeah that's what i'm saying that's a sexy pose What are the symbols? That's the female symbol. Yeah, isn't that the female? Yeah. No, no. Thirst trapping? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. That's a sexy pose. It looks hot. This came out. His skin looks phenomenal.

The whole MLB did this on different days, I think, over the season. And one of the greatest Griffey stories, which is why he was the coolest, they had the jerseys. They gave him the jerseys. And he's like, all right, I'm going to wear just the sleeveless part. Like, true softball. He spray-painted his cleats, like, metallic silver, and he was wearing a hat in the field backwards. And, like, the PR people were like, you know, we're going to get in trouble with the league. He's like,

fuck the league. Like, just let me be cool. And it was exactly what he did, yeah. You could find his, try to find his shoes in it. I read an oral history, I think, of it on, like, ESPN. Yeah, they started wearing them, like them untucked. It was really cool. He had all silver shoes.

And he wore the hat in the field backwards. Frank kind of looks as hot as Ken Griffey Jr. He does. It's crazy. I like how Frank also had his open sandwich sitting there. You know that if you date me, food. We got it. Frank might be hot. I think so. That was a hot picture

Oh yeah Look there you go It's like the Like what you see You can't do this Hotly You do it hotly Yeah

Why are you leaving? It's only 2.30 in the morning What are you doing? Wait did you do that again? What you mean? What you mean? It's only 2.30 in the morning. What are you doing? Wait, did you do that again? What you mean? What you mean? What you mean, baby? Ken Griffey Jr. and Donora P.A.

Culturally more West Virginia than Pittsburgh. You know. Who else is from there? Is that where he was born? No, no, no, no. Sam Usual. He was born in Donora P.A.? Ken Griffey Jr. and Sam Usual born in Denora, PA on the same day.

On the same, not the same exact day. No, because Sam Musial's older, yeah. But the same birthday, same town. I think the town's like 3,000 people. Sam Musial's way older than Ken Griffey Jr. They were born on the same day? Oh, Stu! Let's go, man!

We were just doing it. Get over here! Ready to roll! You get a mic for Stu? I don't think we need it. We need it. What's up, man. We were just doing it. Get over here. Ready to roll. You got a mic for Stu? I don't think we need it. We need it. What's up, Stu? Stu is here.

Oh, that one right there. Sit over there. Grab a chair. We'll sit over there. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey. Hey. Stu, how are you?

Good to see you. Living legend. Right behind you. Yeah. We don't have a chair. I don't need a chair. We got you a chair, Stu. Hello, sir.

Hi, Steven. And who's behind that? What is it? What is it? TJ. Oh, hi, TJ. Hi. Hello, man.

First of all, I am so in love with Chicago. I just saw. It's like a mystery science theater of the gas. So I never saw the water before. So it is absolutely beautiful. Did you take an architecture tour? No, I took nothing. Really?

Yeah, on the boat. They show you through all the buildings and everything. Okay, very cool. So far, we're just stuck in just eating like animals. I've never eaten this much in my entire life. That can't be true. I'm dead serious. Lou Michaels, we ate so much this morning, me and Sandy.

Adelina we ate last night. And then the Ash restaurant the week before. But I love Chicago. I would move here in a hot second. Not a permanent, but I get a second house. I get a boat, and we party. Let's go. Your ass is off.

Let's go. It's great to see you, Stu. Oh, it's great to see you. You ready for week two of Park Sports? Yes, yes. So excited. Listen, first of all, everyone loved week one. Loved, loved, loved.

Loved Ashley, which was a very horny. Some loves her more than others. Tommy. Right. Yeah. I mean. Well, Tonic. She's fucking smoking hot. I mean, what's not to love. I mean, she's fucking smoking hot.

I mean, what's not to love? I mean, she's a stunner. She's a fucking stunner. Like, if I was single, I'm there. I'm in. I'm so in. I worry about fucking human resources fucking after the fact. I ask no questions. I'm diving. But,

obviously, you, me, and Jerry killed it. We fucking killed it. It was beyond funny. I did feel bad that you didn't realize I was doing a bit with the same ball. No, I didn't get it. Like, Alex had to text me after the show and go, Toby made a dent. Did you realize that was a bit? I'm like, I don't think it was a fucking bit.

I thought that he fucking forgot I gave him the ball. I said it on the yak before. Oh, I'm dumber than you. No, no, I said it up. I was like, I found a ball. I don't know it on the yak before oh i'm dumber than no no i said i i set it up i was like i found a ball i don't know where i got it and then i'm like because i rarely get your stuff and it was for your kid if it was for you i would have immediately got it but it was for your kid i'm like how the fuck did you know you might have just thought you get so many things you know so

funny gift yeah i got a painting yeah a beautiful painting i didn't take it with me because we didn't figure out how to put it on the plane. But we're going to. I can ship it to you, too. That would be better. Okay. Okay. But maybe we want to keep it on set because it's breathtaking. It's beautiful.

Why not? Yes. I love any picture of me I love. I was thinking of the joke. I've never seen a picture of me that I haven't loved. Because, you know, I'm all about me. I was thinking if the joke hurts so much, maybe he makes it up. He takes you out to lunch.

I don't know. We've always had problems with lunches, you know? I mean, first lunch, it was supposed to be a $1,000 lunch. I banged him out for the grand. I had to hear about it. He called Dave. Jerry's calling Dave, going, I can't believe Stu's eating a tower at 12 o'clock. You know, Stu's ordering 10. You know, I don't

want to hear it. And then when Chef Donnie made a breathtaking meal for us, I was about to shred it, but when chef when chef um donnie made a breathtaking meal for us i was about to shred it but i saw his eyes and he literally he gave me one of those hank and sandy looks like don't fucking do it don't because i was about to say hey we're supposed to go to a restaurant supposed to bang out but i but you but you you literally you put your eyeballs on me and you went don't do it so i caught that and then i phonally said wow this is great chef donnie's great blah blah as it turned out the dinner was phenomenal and i watched

all of chef donnie's stuff for the last two months in france so i can't wait to get him the fuck back here to cook for us yes yes you did that out chef donnie thousand bucks uh lunch but that was the bet yeah no when i blink if I was taking you. I put two bottles of Cristal on the table. That's $1,400 before you even eat a piece of bread. That's true. You know what I'm saying? Fact.

The thing about me is... I've never seen you eat a seafood tower at 11 a.m. I banged it out, didn't I? Yeah. There was no food left. No, there was no food. There was no food left. That's a living legend. Right.

Exactly. The clinic at Borelli's was something. Watch. What? When you ate just for three periods straight. Because first of all, I was so stoned. And second of all, Borelli's food is actually, with no joke, no hype, no connection to Portnoy, it's phenomenal.

From their pizza to their pasta to their salads to their dessert. Everything's a 10. Yeah. It's unbelievable. Yeah. Yes. I'm happy you got your voice back, too. My voice is back.

I'm ready to roll. Let me tell you something. Last week,. Yeah. Yes. I'm happy you got your voice back, too. My voice is back. I'm ready to roll. Let me tell you something. Last week, I had several problems. I had an insane ear infection that I was scared shit to get on the plane. Could not kick it. I had to give away like almost $40,000 worth of shout outs because I killed all my diving shout outs. Couldn't do them.

Could not go in the pool. Wait, what? What are you talking about? Cameo diving shout out. Really? Yeah. $40,000? $40,000 down the drain? Frank about? Cameo diving shout-out. Really? Yeah. $40,000? $40,000 down the drain?

You think Frank's big. He's not. Okay. Let me see that way. Wait, so your ear infection cost you $40,000? Yes. Jesus Christ. Yes.

Plus the medical bills. And so when I got on the plane, I was so nervous, and I lost my voice over the Penn State game. So I said, you know, crazy. But I survived I did go three and two very close to going four and one because that Colt loss with Richardson being taken out after he got hurt on the second down play they put in back of quarterback and he got stuffed uh and I won the mortal lock you cannot believe the pressure I felt picking that mortal lock because leading up to the show I must have literally with no

Stu find a performative bullshit got 500 calls saying who you using I wanted early who I'm like no fucking watch the show douchebag yeah and thank god not only did I win it but it was an underdog one outright you know because people think I'm a total scam they think I'm a liar a whore a piece of shit most people don't like jews i'm gonna throw that in so that last year all the haters even though they love me they've been hating me i created people hating me in 1980 so people have been hating me since day one but all the you created haters what you created haters created his and i created being uh being uh shadow band two things all right shout out shadow band shout out haters so in other words people You created his haters. And I created being shadow banned. Two things. All right.

Shout out shadow banned. Shout out haters. Shout out haters. So in other words, people root against me because by the grace of God, I have a fabulous life, a fabulous wife, children, existence, and postal. People hate that. People want, you know, they want me to get hit by a truck, violently die, being dragged, you know, screaming, ah, you know, and people would be like, you know, fuck you, Stu.

So when last year when I performed at a 15-4-2 rate and it wasn't a fluke and I come back this year and everybody's like, there's no way he could do it again and I pick a six-point dog that wins outright, I felt good. I felt happy. And I feel the pressure to win. Because what am I on the show for? I'm on the show to win. Yeah, I'm funny. Yeah, blah, blah. But I'm supposedly the greatest living NFL handicapper ever. to win. What am I on the show for? I'm on the show to win. Yeah, I'm funny. Yeah, blah, blah.

But I'm supposedly the greatest living NFL handicap ever. Better win. You know, better fucking win. Especially, yeah. You know, better win. Billy Wolf is out of the picture. You know what I'm saying? Better win.

You know what I'm saying? I don't think people hate you. My haters love me, but they're so jealous. You know, people who do well. Everyone at Barstool that does well, people hate. They love us. That's why Rico hates Brandon. Right.

Rico invented this mentality. Rico invented it. Exactly. So we're all hated because we are loved by our fans. But we're hated by people saying they don't deserve the accolades. They don't deserve the love. You know what I'm saying? I'm a little scared of Kelly Keegs right now because she

canceled out fucking Alex and JW. Thank God she fucking loves me. Thank God she fucking loves me. I'm going to ask you this. I always called her JW. I love her and I love Alex. I always did. I mean, obviously, but whatever.

So, am I allowed... Put that finger away. Am I allowed to bring back the list? I was going to text it to Dave. Because he said anything goes, but pissing on ESPN and pissing on Penn. He said anything goes. I don't think you should rank

the women at Barstool. Not in order of hotness. There's a slot there. Well, it'd be devastating if someone got right. You say a slot? Someone that made it originally. So you're saying your rankings have changed because Alex is gone. She's gone.

JW not on the rankings? How could she make the list? Oh, no. Listen, I said it right to her face. Yeah, let's not do the list. She's gorgeous. Let's not do the list. She's annoying, but she's not on the list.

We've already done this. We've already said too much. All right. I'm sorry. So no list. That doesn't exist. No. Yes.

Yes. When Alex left, some of the women we work with were like finally an opening on Stooges. Thousand. What? Kate. Were you thinking it? You laughed me off i could be one of you girls the funniest shred on me comedic thing ever she looked at her computer

like fucking what the fuck stew we're friends you send me you love my husband you love my kids and where the fuck am i so yes who is your most regretful snub like that you're like oh they should have made it who was like oh fuck i completely forgot about how highly they would be on my list it's like joel and audie who is the worst team you ever left on the bubble say stew i think you just gotta be treading lightly here because it is stew i think what you don't understand is when i tried to explain it to you when you tweeted this the first time it's not like it's not like oh pc culture like listing people based on attractiveness like that was like a story like 20 years ago that like a local like high school they find a list and like it's a big story like how could you do this and you're like just tweeting out a list of looks in my defense right you're stuck in 1985 no i made it performative because i it was on my anniversary to my wife right yeah oh you know

shout out anniversary i love my wife now it makes sense you know now it's the performative bullshit i fucked only one girl for 45 fucking years you know besides that whatever that's the real thing okay that's the curtain so all the girls left off were like well at least it's his anniversary yeah so i said in honor of rap busts are a good here's the hottest girls at barstool what a loving husband right yeah but listen you could look but you better not touch and i'm by that well you know what i'm saying? For a lot of reasons. All right. So I don't want to get in trouble here.

I want to be a positive influence on Dave. I want to be an earner for Dave. I want to get out of the hole, into the black, and I want everyone to suck Dave's cock like they used to and suck my cock. Oh, I do. I've done since 1980. But I will answer the question if you're telling me it's okay because I'm going to blame it on you if he pisses me off.

No, I don't think you should do the list again. No, no, not list. The most improved and maybe one honorable mention. Who I overlooked. Do the list. Just for the record, what number opened up? Four. I think what you would have to do is.

Four's open. Well, no, four opened up. No, but doesn't five slide up in the polls? Okay. So in theory. No, we're talking college football, Dan. Let's say who's number four if they lose this week. In theory, everybody.

We're explaining polls, Dan. Everybody could take a slot down and then in theory number ten could open. Right. In theory. That's not what would happen. That's not what would happen. Oh, you have a new number four. Their wins are so impressive.

They're number four in the polls now. Let me tell you something. I can't breathe. I mean, holy fuck. That's all I can say. Upset win, the polls now. Let me tell you something. I can't breathe. I mean, holy fuck. That's all I can say. Upset win whoever it was. Alright, fair enough. I have to know. Not me. Your show, you know, listen, I do make the money

at this company. I don't think you want to know who cracked the top 25? I want to know. I think I speak for fake bad here. The third owner, I don't want to cancel myself out. Why? The only way it doesn't bother anybody, you have to have everybody on the list. All right, everybody's on the list. Oh, that's a bad idea. Oh, like a top 50?

Yeah. No rankings. Oh, no rankings. Just everyone. Yeah. Does he have to go? He doesn't know everybody on the third floor. He'd have to go check out the third floor.

You'd have to scout out the third floor. Stu walking around the world. Stu scouting service? He's got the notepad. He'd have to go check out the third floor. You'd have to scout out the third floor. Stu walking through scouting service. With a notepad. And he's just like, we're going back to day point. There are some smoke shows there right now. Holy fuck. Like, holy fuck. That's all I got to say.

You're no longer allowed to masturbate in the bathroom. All right, all right, all right, all right, all right. Not 2016. What did they do? 2016. Is that okay? 2016. debate in the 2016 is this name someone who didn't make the list last year I didn't know she existed like for example and I say two names that I don't know no you're doing the list it's like roulette 5050 you could try to do the list of for today when we do advisors I was gonna text him okay you're gonna bring it back no yeah well we'll ask him on advisors he'll let you know done he's not here is he here yeah yeah he's here he's here for this show yes i got to go to the bank and get a hundred dollar singles a hundred singles because i want

to say i'm gonna buy the company every every single in between games they go dave how you know what do you want to get what do you want to work so hard? Right into the sunset with Sylvana, here's $2. Yeah. He'll say, no, I'm not like you doubled your money, Dave. It's the only bet you've ever won in your life. Come on, let's go. And then like the next segment, I give him 10 singles.

Now he's going to throw like 100 singles into the air. You got to do that. Nah, I've already fucking, you know. You're a showman, though. You're a showman. He's on this show? No, he's here in the building somewhere Is he here in this building? He was

Now to do a pizza review Right That's amazing Pizza pizza It's just pizza reviews That's oh I can't wait to shred him Oh I'm so excited Yeah

I love shredding him I love getting right in his face I love when you do it No I fucking Listen Nobody loves it more than you Oh I love it You take your. No, I fucking love it. Listen, nobody loves it more than you. Oh, I love it. You take your finger and you're, ooh.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, Dave. Oh, this is my favorite. You just stir the shit. You're like, Dave, you got to let him say that to you? Yeah. Oh, I wasn't prepared with Dave.

Now you got an hour to prepare. Nah, I got, you know, I have to rethink this. I'm going to kiss his ass now. No. I'm not ready. I'm not ready to shred him. I'm kissing his fucking ass. Shred him. Okay, I have to rethink this. I'm going to kiss his ass now. No. I'm not ready. I'm not ready to shred him. I'm kissing his fucking ass. Shred him.

Okay, I will. All right. Thank you. Yes. That was a great ten minutes. That never just happened. I feel like it's a spoiler. Unnoticed.

Unnoticed. Truth be told, the talk is a great ten minutes. Ask my wife. Sandy, tell him. I'm soaking wet right now. I'm sweating like a pig. The polls are changing. I ate too much.

You're good. Thank you. You look great. I don't look great. I looked at 180. I went from 220 to 180. I was running 40. I put it up to 50 a week, but I couldn't break a 17-minute mile.

I wanted to run the Chicago Marathon. I swear to God. 17-minute mile? Yes. What is that? Dude, that's walking. No, it isn't. It's slow jogging.

I couldn't do it. I'm 16 feet tall. Dude, I'm 17. Five years ago, I ran the New York City Marathon. My dad walks miles. That's City Marathon. My dad walks miles. That's not a walk. My dad walks. When you walk a 17-minute mile, your Apple Watch is like, are you still working out?

No, I don't have it. It gives you the note, like, have you finished working out? When your A1C is 11 and your sugar is a 400 and you're 60. What are these things you're saying? My A1C. What is that? That's how you determine how your body breaks down sugar. Okay.

My body does not, so I'm a severe psycho-sicko diabetic. But I eat like I'm normal, because that's why you shouldn't join me. I could die any second. Do you take insulin? Yeah, no. I take meds, but I don't give a fuck. They'll just drop the list. My sugar is the worst.

You're going to die anyway. My sugar is supposed to be. Let's make it suspenseful. Everyone take a guess who the new one is. Even in your will. Everyone take a guess who the new number is, who the new person is. What's the 405 thing you said? 401.

And what are they supposed to be? 90. What are you doing? September 15th, I go back to the doctor And the doctor's gonna put me on like Moderna or Zempik or straight insulin So you're gonna get hot 240? Stu you're in

That's the bottom of the air Of course I'm listening People don't understand If I die after the show tonight Nobody shed a tear I thought I was gonna die at 29 years old. I've lived 33 years past my epic. Listen, 29 years old, I made Dave Portnoy look like no one ever heard of him.

That's how big I was. Because there was no internet then, really, and I was crushing. And my 30th birthday, my mother made chicken parm. She made her garlic bread. bread is the mom you jerked off she jerked you off no but that's how they took it yes big tits shout out mom also stew you did it again was your mom emily roger kowski continue this story then i have something i totally forgot to bring up no so um i thought i was gonna at 29. I cried at the dinner table like a cunt bitch because I said, I am no longer a legend superstar. Right.

You know, like, and I thought my life was over. So I thought I was going to die. I thought I was going to hit by a truck. You know, I made, I was a millionaire at 23. I had $14 million in the bank at 29. I had 200 people work for me. I was the biggest thing in the fucking. It was J. Paul Getty.

How would you do fucking FINA? That's how it went. That's literally how it went. So I thought I was going to die at a young age. So since then, I've said, fuck it. I'm just going to live my life. Fuck the world. Fuck doctors.

I make the fucking rules. But I could die any second. So anyway, so my point is this. 57 years old. I trained to run the New York City Marathon, which I killed. 1040 mile, 4 hours, 39 minutes, 24 seconds. Tiki Baba beat me by a minute and 15 seconds. I trained. Really impressive.

Really impressive. It's godlike. I ran 512 miles in three months, three weeks, doing 10 dabs a day, smoking half ounce of powder a day. I went from 10,000 calories to zero sugar and carbs, and I got myself in shape to do it. So my point is this. I was running an eight-minute mile like it was butter. Now, 17-minute mile. I can't break it.

17-minute mile. I can't do it. That's not running. That's walking. No, it is running. That's not running. Run a marathon. Tell, it is running. That's not running. Run a marathon. Tell me about running.

I could walk a marathon 17-minute mile. I'm just telling you I can't. You know what it is? It's not my physical. It's my mental. Because I start running hard, and then I'm like, why? And then I just go. Yeah, it makes sense.

I've been there. We are recharging. Right or wrong? No, you're right. I got it. And I'm done as an athlete forever now. It's pathetic. Like my son, my youngest son, John Allen, he trains MMA.

Shout out Charlie Campbell. He just stepped in for a USC fight in Vegas. He's fighting for Dana White. He trains every day. So me and him like fight every day. And, you know, he keeps me away with his his feet but now he's super quick with his hands my hands have become super slow like like if someone if i went to fight someone right now i would literally look to pick someone up and cave their head in i'm not fighting no more i'm a pussy

i've at 62 i'm done so my point is at 62 everything you thought you were and it's amazing i lasted this long i'm over i went from an athlete that was like a rate one to ten i was like a six and a half but i had so much heart so i i everybody picked me second or i should have been picked tenth because my heart made me a nine and a half right i don't have it no more i'm a five athlete maybe a four possibly a three damn possibly a three what i want to say brandon we do the other ad and then i want to bring up one thing that I forgot about that I had to bring up to Stu. Pull up Stu's Twitter, TJ. Yep, we can talk about Z-Biotics.

So, we all have busy lives these days and can't afford to waste a day stuck on the couch because of a few drinks the night before. Z-Biotics is the answer we've all been looking for. Their pre-alcohol probiotic is the world's first genetically engineered probiotic. It was invented by PhD scientists to tackle rough mornings after drinking. Here's how it works. When you drink, alcohol gets converted into a toxic byproduct in the gut. It's this byproduct, Stu. It's this byproduct, not dehydration, that's to blame for your rough next day. Z-Biotics produces an enzyme to break this byproduct down. It's designed to work like your liver, but in your gut where you need it the most. Just remember to drink Z-Biotics produces an enzyme to break this byproduct down. It's designed to work like your liver, but in your gut where you need it the most. Just remember to drink Z-Biotics before drinking

alcohol. Drink responsibly and get a good night's sleep to feel your best tomorrow. Z-Biotics. I don't have a website or anything, but try Z-Biotics. There we go. Stu. Yes. You did this with your father.

You did this with your father You did this with your dog today But I Go down Scroll down No no no Don't say anything Don't say anything Let me just have everyone Oh I was confused by this

Yes Go find the Find the I guess I'm 62 And things I think in my head Keep going When I write them You know what I'm thinking

But you don't I want people to look at it You're clueless Keep going No no it's not me You're cluel want people to look at it. Clueless. It's not me. You're clueless. No, no.

No, no. You're clueless. How far down is it? Keep going. He's tweeting a lot of pictures of food. Jesus Christ, Stu. Okay. Keep going. Keep going.

God, am I cute. Keep going. Here we go. That was a good pic. It was a great pic. One last walk with Aria. I love my doggy heart. That was a good pick. It was a great pick. I don't know how it's possible. One last walk with Aria. I love my doggy heart. I thought that was your dog.

Okay. Keep scrolling. No, no. People thought. You were fishing. You were fishing. Your dog was about to be put down. Wait, your dog's not dying?

No. One last walk with Aria. Okay. In my defense, because I knew you were going to do this to me. With the heart emoji. With the heart emoji. Come on. You know what you were doing.

No. No. Wait a second emoji. With a heart emoji. Come on. You know what you were doing. No. No. Wait a second. Because I want to make sense because when I make sense, you say, Stu, I take it back. I want to show the post below this. Okay. Keep going. Yeah. After everyone said, why is your... No, no. Not this one. No, no. That was my response

to people thinking she's dead. Go. Keep going. Keep going. Are we going down? Right? Right? Keep going. Keep going. Are we going down? Right? Keep going. Keep going. Okay. Okay. Okay, that gives it more context. So if you read that, would you ever think the dog is dying? Listen, I'm walking at my pool. The dog is

happily running around looking for brains. One last walk. What the fuck are we talking about? How could anyone ever think I thought the dog's dead? You said one last walk. You said one last walk. What the fuck are we talking about? How could anyone ever think I thought the dog's dead? You said one last walk. You said one last walk. Heart emoji. One last walk.

With a heart emoji. You should have said before Chicago. With a heart emoji. Aria's going to miss me. I didn't say Aria's cancer. One last walk with a heart. It's the heart emoji. Ginkgo bologna.

What? The heart emoji. Okay. You did this with your dad too no the video of you crying that fucking hawaiian sing the song it got to my heart i started crying i thought of my father i said let's go live for a second which is not live because I don't even know how to go live so I Did a video and I posted it in no way shape or form Did I say my father's dead? His father dying

Right, I just shared it right, but you did a video of you crying. I was crying my daddy Like I was I felt it. i texted i said sorry to you i texted him and was like i hope you're okay do you think that might be so now you know that with your the dad posts and the dog posts right people are saying i'm so sorry for your loss do you think maybe you're doing something wrong no absolutely not i think the world are just clueless and dummy dum-dums. No, I think they're like, we're not allowed to use the word. 14 years old, got my first hand. That's what an R and N is. That's what people are.

14 years old, got my first hand done with my brother's bar mitzvah. When I came, I almost passed out. What a mess, my mom. I laughed just as hard every single time I say it. You have to understand that. I just want to explain something to you. When I look at that post, I wish I had a vagina to fuck me because that's how good I look. I look like Leif Erikson with a big cock.

Shout out Leif Erikson. Shout out Leif Erikson. Shout out Leif Erikson. How do you know he didn't have a big cock guy was six three yeah i mean if he had a little penis at six three shout out suicide shout out suicide another sponsor of today's show you're looking looking at a 5-7-inch stick. You go, guys, 5-4-3-quarters. It should measure up.

Genetics. If I was 6'3 and I had a 5-4-inch stick, it's a problem. Shout out suicide. Shout out suicide. Yeah, shout out suicide. Lest we forget. I would wear a strap-on. You're the best, Stu.

I fucking love you. Love you. Fucking love you. fucking love you. Love you. Fucking love you. I love you. Love you more. I love you more. I'm trying to get out of here so you guys can pay some bills. Well, no, you got to get ready for Dave now.

Yeah, go get your money. Fucking Dave. You got to shred him. People need you to shred him. I'm going to torch this fucking cunt. Fuck him. What a 180. He walks on, hey, 525 people.

I don't give a fuck. What the fuck are you? How about you summon that 40 million that didn't go to small businesses that he still has? Oh, fuck. I don't know if that's true. I'm just saying. Everything I say is performative, so don't ever take me seriously. Parody law.

Never. Parody law. I have that out. I can say anything. I'm untouchable. I'm uncancellable, except if I say anything bad about ESPN and Penn. That was directly bestowed by the Fuhrer. Hey, David.

Hi, David. He's uncancellable. Hi, David. Spin that wheel. Go get ready. Go get ready. No, no. I'm going to go to the studio and get ready. Yeah, I know. Go get ready. Go get ready. No, no. I'm going to go to the studio and get ready.

Yeah, I know. Go to the studio and get ready. Yeah, yeah. Because we're going to start. We're going to leave in 10 minutes too. We'll call a suit. Should I go with? I went with a very sharp blue with a black shirt with a pink tie and a pink little thing.

And if you didn't know I was 62 and 5'4 and 3 quarters, you'd fuck me. Everybody would fuck me. Legs would spread. Shout out leg spreading. Shout out leg spreading. Shout out. You want a ride?

Me and Sandy, and we have two pieces of luggage. Yeah, you can get a ride. That's a fit in most cars. It's a problem inside my kid's car seats in, so you have to get in the back. And Tommy. Oh, wait. Oh, let's get in the back. I also have Jack, too. Oh, okay. I'll call you' car seats in, so you have to get in the back. And Tommy. Don't give him that. Oh, wait. Oh, let's get in the back.

I also have Jack, too. Oh, okay. I'll call you an Uber. Okay, perfect. And then Jack's probably bringing three or four girls. I'll get you Uber Black, the best. Thank you so much. I got to find out where the fuck...

Thank you. Local thoughts. I'm not getting an Uber from Big Cat. I love it. Local thoughts. Local thoughts. Shout out local thoughts. I don't have an Uber on my phone because I don't know how to use it.

No, I'm like an idiot savant. There's very little I do well, but thank God what I do well, I'm amazing and the best in the world at. Because otherwise I'm tits on a ball. I'm useless. And I'm a nuisance. And most people hate Jews, and I'm a Jew. No, they do. What are you talking about?

There's only 14 million of us left. People hate Jews. And I'm a fake Jew And I'm a fake Jew. I'm a fake Jew because I've never practiced. Even when I went to Hebrew school, I hated it because I wanted to be Catholic. We celebrate Christmas. We celebrate it with a tree. You sound like you hate Jews a little bit too.

What? You sound like you hate Jews a little bit too. No, no, no. It's just very hard being a Jew. And I told you this story a million times. I moved from Brooklyn. What are some from Brooklyn. 85% of the people were Jewish. I moved from Brooklyn to North Massapequa to Viceroy, a very affluent area compared to where we lived. We lived in a Donald Trump's father, Fred Trump's six-story building,

shout out Beach Haven, apartment 6D. And we moved there there the first day i'm there me my mother and my brother i've told the story a hundred times we go to dairy barn we get a glass milk a glass iced tea we come back on the driveway in crab apples is written what crab apples on the driveway took a lot of effort a lot of effort. A lot of effort. A ton of effort. Yeah. Is this one of those things? Remember that guy?

It's in my book. My mother immediately starts hysterical crying. I ask her, what does the word mean? Me and my brother have no idea. We never heard. She said, it's the way that people call someone a dirty Jew. So we walk up to the stoop, from the gutter there's an umbrella and we don't know it so my mother opens the screen door and crab apples and rocks come down and smash the

glass milk and the glass ice tape jesus now me and my brother are hysterical crying and we turn around there's like 30 kids in the house directly opposite me hiding in the bushes. But once they saw everything break and me crying and my mother crying and my brother crying, I was in fourth grade. My brother was in third grade. They ran. Go in the house, call my father, and then my father comes home in havoc. You know, the neighborhood hated me for a long time because my father went to every single person's house, ratted them out, called, you know, made us stink like he should have. But then we were ostracized from fourth grade to sixth grade.

Damn. You know, and where in North Massapequa you had the little mafia because you had a very prevalent mafia influence there in North Massapequa. Matter of fact, in Massapequa, the head of the five families lived. That's where the godfather was portrayed from him. And so you had the little mafia. You had these rockers who wore leather jackets. You wore these other groups that wore bomber jackets. You had your jocks.

You had your freaks. And I really didn't fit in anywhere. And so being a Jew, Thomas, is very traumatic. And I just gave you an example of why. You can say who your number four is now. You can say who your number four is now. It's okay. Tell your list.

I can't tell the list. Where were you in Brooklyn? Where'd you grow up in Brooklyn? Where'd you grow up in Brooklyn? Beachhaven. Oh, okay. He said shout out Beachhaven. I thought he meant that was the new spot in Long Island.

No, no, no. It was suicide. 62 West 2nd Street, apartment 62. Is that by Sheepshead Bay? Correct. Exactly. Sheepshead Bay is where I was born in Sheepshead Bay, my mommy's hospital. And I had my first cherry cheese knish in Sheepshead Bay.

And then- Shout out Roland Rolster. We hung out at Coney Island when I was little. I remember that. So- My back hurts. Island when I was little. I remember that. All right. I just called you an Uber, Stu. Okay, good. I'm excited.

All right, Stu Feiner is leaving the Yak. You're always welcome on the Yak. The Yak is the second most successful show at Barstool. If you want to know who pays the bills, pardon my take, and the Yak. That's it. That's it. Every other show can go, pardon my take, and the Yak. That's how it goes. So, I mean, I hate to say it, but it's the fucking truth. That's it. That's it. Every other show can go pardon my take. That's how it goes. So, I mean, I hate to say it, but it's

the fucking truth. That's why I fucking said it. Shout out. I love everyone. Be great. Take no shit from no one. You're never overmatched. Anyone gives you a hard time, tell them to suck your dick and fuck their girl so their girl would know what they've been missing. Stu, I'm texting you right... There it is. Stu Feiner. Stu, you got a

box? Stu, I'm texting you the uh it's gonna be in front funny shout out he's not too funny shout out stu finer's another question with dan suing up you already got him away he's gone he's gone he's not away he did what he did found someone on his list i was gonna answer the question. What's up, number three? It's a black SUV. Oh, my God. I got to know. Black Ford Expedition.

It's going to be here in two minutes. The last three are 9LY. Okay. Yeah, Black Expedition right in front. And we're going to be right behind you. I can't ask you to sit in the way back of my car. That's not the fitting of a prince. Yeah, you got to be you, Tommy.

Yeah, I love sitting, bitch. No, it's the way, way back. It's just like a wave as he walks through the office. Yeah, and his shorts, he's wearing his shorts like Chris Webber in like 1992. His wife was sitting right there listening to that. Oh, yeah, she's always like shaking her head he'll go off on tangents on advisors oh yeah she's just my wife for for an hour and a half and she's right there just sitting there looking at chilling what the fuck do you ever look for confirmation that he fucked for an hour he just stares at him the whole time

and then it's actually that's not that awkward It's way more awkward when he brings his son and he does that. And his son is- Brought his dad one time. Yeah. Multiple times. Yeah, and he's like, I'll fuck my wife for as long as you want. Yeah. I love the clip when Dave, the people he brings-

We're talking to the mic. We're still on show. His entourage is making too much noise. And Dave's like, can you tell the people to be quiet? And he just screams, shut up, scumbags. It's his fucking own family. I'm pretty sure Stu, I don't know. He might not do it here

because he's bringing his wife now but for a while I'm pretty sure he was auctioning off like barstool experiences he had a team where he would bring a random like because I would he would introduce these people

and it was very clear that he had just met this person so he'd be bringing people into the office that were paying him a day with Stu Feiner oh my god at first I was like man

stew's got a lot of fucking yeah yeah it's crazy a random guy and it's like stew doesn't know anything about this person oh shit it's good you make a wish um i don't know we can't follow that no wait real quick za did you get a dm Oh, yeah. No, she doesn't have Instagram. Oh. Oh. That's weird. What? So there are issues here. Obviously, we had to see to Stu there, but she said she wouldn't send a picture, but she would call. Yeah, that's a bad sign.

That's that. It's not a good sign. I did receive a DM from... It said I messaged Zod. She just said that. So I saw it. I saw it, but can't look. Not horny hours. Oh, you can't look at it because it's not horny hours?

So you'll check it tonight and let us know. Okay. Fair enough. All right, let's spin the wheel. Dave released a Dragon Pizza Halloween set. That's awesome. You got to order it six sizes too small. Is Dragon Pizza killing it right now?

I think they actually are doing okay. I think they're doing pretty good. The first day after they sold out, I don't know about now. Yeah. I feel like you'd be just as curious if it got a really low score. Right. If that's how I operate, yeah. Buy a gun.

Yeah, buy a real gun. Whatever kind of gun you want. Whatever kind of gun you want. Okay. Oh, yeah, buy the shirt. We got the new Yak Limbo shirt. Limbo. Limbo.

Limbo. So we're in the new office. Yak's Limbo. I'm going to go by the new office today and see how it's going. Yeah, let us know. Yeah. Is his shadow a ghost? By his, do you mean me?

Is that me? Is that you? Hell yeah. Oh, that's Tungsten. I thought it was an ice cube. It looks like an ice cube. Oh, it is the big hat. I thought his head was on something.

Out of all of our shirts, this one is the easiest to explain. Shout out to Nolan Cartwright, who did the art. He's so great. I've seen him, and I've seen his work. Great, great work. Shout out to Nolan. Buy the shirts. Stu's definitely not getting in this Uber.

No, he's not. Wait, is it here? I hear his voice, yes. No chance. Yeah, no, he's... It's sitting here. Yeah. All right.

He texted. All right. See everyone tomorrow. Great yak. Thank you. Shout out Stu Feiner. Tune in Barstool Sports Devices. Should be a great episode this week. We'll be right back. See you tomorrow.

Buy a shirt, please. Please.