The Yak - It's Swirly Time - Nick Finally Pays His Debt | The Yak 5-9-22

Episode Date: May 9, 2022

Big Cat touches on the latest Barstool drama and we finally get to give nick the swirly he deservesYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Oh! Oh! Oh! All the boys are back. Owen's grabbing me a coffee. Yeah. On for two weeks and you send them away.

I had to, you know, it was like when Joey Batts gets out of prison. He's like, go get your shine box real quick. Now he's going to stab me with a pen later on today. Billy Batts. Billy Batts, whatever. Joey Batts, Billy Batts, who gives a fuck? Joey Batts is Jose Bautista. Hey, boys. Hey.

God damn, am I happy to be back. I'm so happy to see you guys. We had a roller coaster of two weeks. Missed you. The whole world's gone crazy. How was your guys' trip? It was long. Yeah, it was about a week too long. We were a week too long.

We were a little too old. Sleeping on an RV. Madison, though? Madison's the best college town in America. Ah, shit, I said top three. It's the best. I think it's top three. It's probably the best non-warm weather camp. Yeah, non-warm weather is the thing that knocks it.

Madison's awesome. The college town area, the bar scene's awesome. And then the surrounding city is cool itself. Yep. You guys were texting me. Shout out Wisconsin, yeah. I was very happy that you enjoyed it. I don't know anyone who's ever gone and visited Madison,

didn't have a great time. The weather does suck. You just get drunk. That's also recency bias by you guys, though. You were just there. My flyest pieces are also cold weather pieces. I'm not a recency guy. That's incredible.

I'm a rose-colored glasses guy. On a perfect weekend. The worst city we were in was Nashville. Don't like Nashville. Nashville's a good town. We're haters, but not our vibe, not our aura. It's like Las Vegas times Disneyland times Austin times... Was there a bunch of bachelorette parties happening?

A ton. I was on the transparent party bus. I was not. Yeah, bus. I was not. Yeah. It was, I had a good time. So, I'm excited for you guys

to be back. Starving for camera time for Sully and you. Yeah, yeah. Good God. I was more confused about what that route

he just did was. It wasn't on route. He wanted to get in front of every camera imaginable. There's a pizza in the middle of the floor. He just whispered in my ear, I'll kill Marty

if you want me to, which I don't want you to. Oh yeah, Marty and Rhea and fucking Hank. It's a KB bit. It is. I was trying to weasel my way into this bit. How are you going to? I did see one

funny tweet that was like AB wouldn't even have that. I mean you know it's A and B math. There's only one thing that could cause that. The thing that I don't understand is what the fuck Deke Zucker is doing. How did he come into the mix? Are you nervous, bro?

No, I'm not nervous. I think he's lying. I don't think he's lying. You think he's, like, talking to think he's lying. You think he's talking to the Reddit CEO and they're like, we got a couple IPs. We want to slide to you. He doesn't strike me as a liar.

You haven't tweeted in six. Man, that goes by a fake name isn't a liar. He came at your ass, though. He came at your ass. He came at my ass. He came at one of your ass. He implied that someone in your crew is about to get incriminated. I don't know what that means at all. Definitely Brandon.

Brandon is a hunter. I remember walking around. How many? I don't have a brand. I have a Reddit account. I had a randomly made one, but then I have a real one now. I have two as well. So I can interact with the boys on anus.

Oh, fuck. I'm going to show you my karma points. I've definitely done some. One of them went and looked. One of them has like 1,600. Why doesn't to show you my karma points. I've definitely done some slick shit. Yeah, one of them has zero. One of them has like 1,600. Why doesn't he just put it out there instead of trying it? You know what I mean? Just do it.

I've tweeted mine because I did that whole mental warfare. He's doing, yeah. Why the mental warfare? And then the Twitter thing. Come on, dude. Twitter burners? He's got a list of Twitter burners. He was like, uh-oh, guess who just got a new list?

Twitter burners. Sounds like you're nervous. I think he's on savage mode right now. He's on savage mode. Let him be on savage mode. Classic Deke. Everyone should watch the rundown if they want my take. It's not, I mean, I don't know why.

I had some people being like, dude, how have you not tweeted Team Hank? I miss Team Hank as they get. You tweeted out brothers. Welcome back, Owen. Up, Owen. Up, Owen. It's so straightforward to me It's very straightforward

You don't Everyone has been around I just went out Who's cutting my mic Marty's back there It's just Like scumbag behavior And it is what it is

And I just don't fuck with Marty anymore. I made him move his desk. It felt good to not have him around me. And that's it. You talked to him one-on-one. What did he say to you? He was like, we told them, which he did not. He kept saying we.

I was like, you didn't tell Hank. You didn't remain enough to tell Hank. I do think they've been dating for longer than they're letting on, which is another part that's just like, Marty and I spent a lot of time together. Madison, Chicago, Philly, New Orleans. They were probably dating that whole time. I can't personally be offended because I'm not part of it, and Hank has not asked me to do anything, literally has not asked me to do anything.

I defend my guy Hank because I've been with him forever, and he is like one of my closest Friends, people in my life So I'm going to defend him Out of my own volition And it's so simple If anyone wants to do stuff with Marty I'm not going to judge him

I personally do not fuck with Marty Just as straight as it could be There's an ancillary effect of this though Jerry has moved into Marty's desk. I made him. And Jerry's trying to kill the pile, dude. What? You just created a Rube Goldberg, my friend.

Yeah, you're... Clean up clutter. Prigger is going off everywhere. Jerry says he gets anxiety with clutter. He's in the middle. He was scrubbing down the desk while he was over there. He wants his desk completely clean. And he said that he's going to have to talk to you about the pile.

This is a Rube Goldberg. So it's really Rube Goldberg. It's Goldberg-ing out of one control room. Where is Marty sitting now? Someone's going to end up in a body bag. Sitting beside publicity. HQ2. Exactly where he always wanted to be.

So I got a question. Yeah. Well, I also want to go around the room, and everyone has to say which side they're taking. I'm going to go ahead and nod. Yeah. I'm joking. That's my point is that everyone, like people are going to still be friends with Marty and

Rhea and that's, I have no problem with that because that's, that'd be fucked up if I was like, you can't be friends with them. You can't do anything with them. Hank came to my wedding. I mean. I simply do not fuck with Marty and it's as cut and dry as that, and it's just we'll go on with our lives. For transparency, should we go around and say who we fucked in the office? Sure.

Start with Seth. I beat off during Surviving Barstool. We only have an hour show. I don't think Nick has enough time. Yeah, Jesus Christ. And you can't say et cetera. What was your question? No ellipses.

Let's just move. Oh, what was your question? You wanted to know if we were counting finger blasting? Yes. Don't fuck with Marty. Is there a chance? Who we've jerked off in front of? I think fingering is more sexual than a lot of...

Yes, dude. I think my fingers are more sensitive than my dick. Just move on. Oh, no, no. No, say it, Brandon, because I want to hear If these hands could come, this dick would never fuck.

You don't fuck with Marty. That's fine. You got the hands like in a scary movie with the aliens. Could it get out of this or what with you and Dave? I'd say no.

All right. I'm just being honest. It's an honest question. And I'm not, again, I texted Marty yesterday. I was like, look, I'm not going to make your life miserable. I'm not going to do anything. I'm not going to

keep you out of things or try to bash you every day. I want you to move your seat because that's my area. We bust balls. We joke around. We do a bunch of shit. I don't really want you near me. And that's it. Well, it's as cut and dry

for me personally as it possibly could be. Hank has not asked me to do anything. I'm doing this on my own because I just don't like the guy. I think what he's doing is a scumbag thing. And, you know, I don't really have a relationship with Rhea. So, like, it would be weird for me to be like, oh,

Rhea, like, but I mean, both of them, there's nine million people in New York City. Very easy. There's one guy's girl or ex that you're allowed to fuck in this office, and it's Stephen Che. Imagine being the guy, though, to fucking step up to the plate after Stephen Che gets hit by a bus, trying to fill those roles. And that's the unsung hero of situations.

That would be tough, because you've got to be a guy who steps up and fills the role of a go. I'd be the big guy. I'm kidding, Steven. You're full-time content now. I was just ribbing you a little bit. A little ribbon for your pleasure. Yeah, you know how it is, brother. Steve, welcome to...

I like that on the prep sheet, Steven still called them rumors I know, I loved that Rumors are swirling Sorry, I did it this morning before I don't like that Rumors swirl It wasn't rumors

It's been confirmed I've gotten this Believe it or not, I'm This company, they sold my swirly I'm not too real Yeah, I walked into the reserved bathroom And there was a team of production crew Co-ed They were putting makeup on his asshole Yeah, my asshole has the reserved bathroom and there was a team of production crew.

Co-ed. They were putting makeup on his asshole. Yeah, my asshole has... What is going on? My asshole is blushed. Are we cleaning the bathroom? Should we talk about that now? So we're doing the swirly today. I think that's it for Marty and Reed.

You can watch the rundown. I'm sure Dave will have a lot about it on the Dave Portnoy Show, unless anyone has any other questions. Yeah, what's Dave up to? I think Dave and I are lockstep in this one. What does that mean? I would say.

That it's just, you know, Marty. He's dead to Marty. He's not dead to me. Like, again, I'm not going to be a mean person to him. It's not like I'm going to be actively, like, trying to sabotage him. I'm going to do the opposite. I'm just going to ignore that he exists. Did you guys find out yesterday?

I found out on Saturday night during the fight. I saw a tweet. You're with Hank. Memory hold it. Went to get the red eye with Hank. Saw another tweet and I was like, hey Hank. And he's like, yup. And Dave found out right then too.

Seems like you're upset-ist. No, I'm not upset. Or as far as you go. Or this is as hard of a stance or line that I've seen you take. If you're Hank, does the outpouring of love and support outweigh just the constant reminder? This seems like a nightmare for him. I don't think he wants this.

I wouldn't want any of this. He doesn't want to be involved in it. I think it was clear they weren't going to date ex-co, or they weren't going to date coworkers. That was, seems like that started happening almost immediately after they broke up. I don't know the exact timeline, but, you know. You can't get comfortable in Seattle. Take the ferry up to D.C. I also think that, like, this is a very related.

It's a weird Portland. I could feel nowhere in the U.S. The Pacific Northwest feels like a safe... I don't know. Go to British Columbia. This definitely happened to a lot of people in their lives where one of their buddies... I don't know.

Breaks up. No, no, I'm saying one of their buddies breaks up with a girlfriend, and then there's one dude in the friend group who starts hitting on her because she's recently single, and you're like, dude, you're a scumbag. What are you doing?

Sam Hunt made a career out of it. Yeah. I hate the guy code like bro code, but I mean, it kind of sums it up. Facts. Facts. Disobey the bro code. I will end you. Yeah.

I will fuck you. The thing is, if you're somebody like KB, he has so many friends. He can't fuck anymore. Then you're friends with everybody. Yeah. The thing is, if you're somebody like KB, he has so many friends, he can't fuck anymore then. You're friends with everybody. The inverse. You can't make any more friends. You can't make any more friends. A lot of friends to make.

Unrelated, I watched a movie, Thanks for Sharing, last night about sex addiction. Thanks? And it was awful. Oh, okay. Fuck. That sounds bad. What did they say about it? What did they say about sex addiction? It was a whole thing.

I don't know. You think that shit's true? It's the worst thing to be addicted to. Dang. Fuck yeah, Brendan. Thank you. So Frank took a shit while we had the bathroom reserved. All right, let's play it.

This week? Last week? Right through the roadblock. About 20 minutes ago. So we reserved it for swirly day. And maybe he doesn't see the sign? Yeah, it's not. He just walked in.

The hat bill low. So that's where the swirly's going on. Thanks to whoever caught that. And look at all the dude wipes in there. Oh, there's dude wipes for days in there. I actually saw six people go in before Hank, Frank, though. So it's not that big of a deal. Now, how much did we sell this swirly for?

I'm very curious. I have no idea. A lot. Go to dudewipes.com. Use code YAK20 for 20% off your entire order. You guys missed also a banner week in, like, YAK fans. There was a section of the Yak fans that had a tough week.

Yeah. Yeah. Tough week. They tried to reel me in. Yeah. They tried to put me up against you. Oh. They were like, KB wouldn't have let this happen.

Yeah, someone was like, you guys said you'd swirly Nick, and you haven't done that. I'm like, he's physically not in the office. Been on vacation. Can't believe you were going to get swirly at the truck stop. Yeah, that's so crazy. I would have rather had it done with, though. I've been so

exhausted on this trip. Gross. I couldn't get any more gross and disgusting. Road shits are the worst shit. Those are gourmet bathrooms. Those are nice bathrooms. Someone's shitting in a truck stop. It means they pulled over. Emergency shit, sure. But I think

if you're swirling me in a public restroom like that, I think you'll go easier on me. Yeah, probably. I think we might have gone harder. We might drown you today. Yeah, I know. Real quick, so are you sticking with wedgie as the punishment for the next one? Hanging hook wedgie.

Hanging hook wedgie. The rule is we're not pulling your undies up. We're hanging you from a hook. A hook or a flagpole, half-mast? A flagpole would be great, but I want to see you dangle because I was watching videos, and you always flip forward, and your body tapers in a funny way, and it extends the butt crack. It's going to be a great screenshot. Has anyone ever been non-consensually hung by their underwear?

I would say most probably are. When is it consensually? I would say most of the time that happens, the person has to at least give in a little bit. You have to just give up. You're victim blaming right now. Has someone ever been, has that happened to them without them wanting it? So you're saying it's their fault?

Yes, all bullies. So let's apply that to something else. Exactly, that's where I'm at. You're victim blaming right now. You're saying they were asking for it? Was their underwear showing? I'm saying I don't think there has ever been someone who wasn't at least somewhat asking. It reminds me of your line about girls sitting down.

Yeah, what was that? I just said anatomically. It's very hard. JB, what did you think about Canelo going up in weight? I'm more pissed at the people who were clowning the guy who missed weight. Yeah, I was having a conversation with someone this weekend. Were you there, Roan? When someone was like, yeah, KB, you came to one of the DAZN things,

and he just was obsessively asking people about their weight. Like, what was their weight cut measurement? Yeah, because you have guys who are killing themselves. Right. To try to make weight. And you have other people who just are firmly against cutting weight. Just fighting their natural weight. When it comes to fight time, the disparity is often like double digit pounds.

Yeah. People shouldn't be able to cut weight. But if you can't make half a pound in an hour, it's not because you're a pussy. It's because you have killed yourself and sucked yourself down to a point where you can't even sweat. What if we did a new we should have a new like quick video that you do once a week, maybe before the big fights, just moving weight with KB. And it's you just a lot of times that's way more interesting than the actual fight right you just super high on cocaine talking about guys like what what you see like your predictions for what weight they'll weigh in who's gonna move

weight yeah yes yes are you in i would like to delve even deeper go on they go what their diet is what's their post post weigh-in meal. That fascinates me, yeah. First sip is the best sip. Is it? What was your post weigh-in meal? It was a half-frozen purple Pedialyte. Delicious.

Half-frozen or half-unfrozen? It was more slushy. Okay. It's hard to miss. 60% frozen. Then what, a sip of a San Pellegrino blood orange? That was often in the mix. Half a banana?

Yeah. They didn't even give a fuck about the food. Really? Just the drinks? Just the drink. Yeah. Just the caloric drink. That's where you prefer your calories?

When you're cutting, it's all just water? You're dehydrated because the last five or so pounds are all media water weight. Oh, okay. They don't ever get like really, really, like, sick? Or, like, people have passed. Injured? Yeah. Aye.

Passed. Passed out? Passed away. Oh! When did you start cutting weight as a kid? It was, like, eighth grade? A little earlier. Jesus.

Did that have any lasting psychological effects on you? No, it was more like I'm just a little bit hungry. Always? Always. Always. For the majority of your life. But there was kids. Yeah.

It's tough. That's why you're always so sweaty, because you're making up for lost time. Yeah, maybe. I don't know. That's just gotta be it all right all right what do we got should we spin the fucking wheel or then do the wedgie or we do the boys we reset the wheel on thursday just to let you know oh nice got some drives back what oh yes and since the episode aired on Friday now, we means I'll have immunity from future punishment. Yes. So you have one-time immunity on anything.

Right. And Stephen Shea's full-time. Congrats to Stephen Shea. We've been knowing. Thank you. I appreciate you guys. What were you doing upstairs? Still interviewing people?

He's got an off-ramp. I saw you in a little meeting. He's off-ramping. He's off-ramping. I don't technically start full-time. You're still getting the last few. It's kind of crazy. Who's the new you?

You had a seat on your row empty for five minutes, and you didn't offer it to Stephen Che, who's on content now. I would kill myself so fast if I had to sit next to Stephen Che every day. So hard. Not directly next to him. It's two seats down. Every time Stephen Chay comes to my desk, a small part of me dies.

That's rude. I love you, bro. We're pals. I'm kidding. But yeah, when you do come sometimes, you're asking for something. When they divorce, if I fuck his wife. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

First, you'd have to eat it. He's content now. You can fight him now. That's true. You can push him one time. You can fight him now. That's true. You can push him one time without any kind of recourse. That is true. Come push him. Are you going to use your push right now?

Or are you going to save your push? I was just kidding. Jay, have you decided what your shtick is going to be? What's your bit going to be? You're going to base your whole. No, that doesn't work. Oh, you've got to ramp it up. You can't be yourself. Are you going to discover your hole. No, that doesn't work. Oh, you've got to ramp it up. You can't be yourself.

Are you going to discover the Maps app tomorrow? It's got to be a Che 2.0. Are you a little worried about this? What food are you going to do? When they have a sixth man who's great off the bench, and now you're getting starters minutes, maybe you can't hang? No. Of course you're not. He. Maybe you can't hang. No. I mean, I think. Of course you're not.

He's an unconscious shooter. Yeah. Yeah, Jamal Crawford. There's nothing you're nervous about? Yeah. What would I be nervous about? I mean, I've been doing this. Being forced into doing two-week road trips.

Yeah, would you do something like that? You'd have to. You do. Yeah, I mean, if it came down to it, yeah. I'd work out stuff on my side to make it happen. Salute. Yeah. Love it.

We're going to be talking about what exactly my responsibilities and stuff are, and then when that gets ironed out, yeah, I'm down to do whatever. What are you looking forward to the most with this career change? Sundays. Yeah. He's going to dominate Sundays. You are going to dominate Sundays.

For church? Me. My church. It's going to be me. For church? Me. My church. It's going to be me, you. He's ready. He's ready. Me, you, PFT. Everybody. Jerry. Rico.

Glennie. Frank. At least put me in this hypothetical. Brandon. Roan Nick. There's a lot of us. Yes. I'm confused.

I'm sure Bush will be there. What's happening on Sunday. I'm not going to stop him from going to streams. Duggs will be there. Duggs will be there. What if you join Marty, Jerry, and Terry, Steve? That one just blew right over me. I'm sure they did pretty good numbers today, so you could say it's on the up and up.

I think that was the last one. It was 60x their average. I think Jerry walked out. Jerry's done. So it's maybe Marty and Terry, but I think that was the last one. It was 60x their average fever. I think Jerry walked out. Jerry's done. So it's maybe Marty and Terry, but I think Jerry is... I mean, Jerry looked at both of them and said, if you both get fired, I won't. I love that. I respect that. Is that what he said?

He's just like, it is... Could it be a literal loose sleep? Like, that's gay. To just lose sleep? Just rolling over, fucking thinking about a dude's job? No way, dude. That's straight as fuck. You would lose sleep?

You wouldn't lose sleep. The more you sleep, the more you can dream about a dude. Imagine dreaming about another man. Non-consensually? No, you don't sleep. Hell no. You don't trust your mind. I don't trust anything could happen

subconscious when you fall asleep next thing you know you could be locking lips with a dude locking lips just blowing his back out

you sleep dude that's so gay it is sleeping is sleeping is gayer than fucking a dude yeah I might drift into a fantasy

that you can't control not yourself I bet you there are some people who are like Sleeping's gayer than fucking a dude. I might drift into a fantasy that you can't control. Not yourself. I bet you there are some people who are such incels. We never sleep because we don't want to have anything to do with women while we sleep. Yeah, the guys that don't beat off to preserve tea. They don't want to spill tea. They don't want to spill the tea. Robbie did that when he first started

We did a challenge See how many days he could go without beating off In this movie last night they got chips For not masturbating He had a wet dream on like day 8 Oh there are like NA meetings for sex addicts Yeah And they were trying to shine light on the issue

But it was all just disgusting people That's the tough pill to swallow When you try to imagine that in an erotic sense. They're all ugly. Like a nude beach. Yeah. Or Ashley Madison. It was just all, it was like 99.9% dudes. When monotony meets monogamy.

Remember that? Yeah. All over Hollywood. Life's short, have an affair. Ashley Madison was wild. I was 10 listening to that. Remember that? Yeah. All over Hollywood. Life's short, have an affair. Ashley Madison was wild. I was 10 listening to that. Yeah, I know. It was like a commercial

during football. I was too prideful to ask what it meant. Yeah. Didn't those all get leaked too? Yeah. And it was all dudes. No idea what Ashley Madison was.

It was all single dudes. It was all single dudes. Looking to fuck wives. Yeah, just chatting with each other online. It just became like a bodybuilding.com form. They all were just

jerking off while one of them pretended to be the chick. Yep. $50 a month. Ashley Madison. What a wild time. This is a hot name. Oh, yeah. If you saw Ashley Madison walking down the street, you'd be like, let's fuck. Or like you call on a phone sex hotline and

she says her name is Ashley Madison. Brandon, how about phone sex hotlines? Fuck Ashley Madison, no matter who she dated. No matter who she is, you know she's hot. She's leggy. I actually have that number saved in my phone after this week. Ashley Madison? Oh, nice. John Ashley.

You fucked a lot. You fucked a lot? You had a better week than me. Who? This man right? You fucked a lot. You had a better week than me. Who? This man right here. He's glowing. He just won $20,000. Oh, Danny?

Oh, yeah. He's so candid. He didn't win $20,000. Danny. Oh, really? No. He picked the right horse. Yeah, he did, but he also, he's, I love Danny.

He's a degenerate, so he had every horse. Did you see the pile of candies? He got us a bunch of pizzas. I know. I think they won a couple grand each. Okay. And then Mike. The pile of tickets was outrageous.

He won 17 grand. He was playing 52. They won what? He told me he won 17 grand. Oh, maybe he did. All right, so then I'm wrong. I believe it. He texted Jack McCarthy this morning, Monday morning, Common Ground Friday.

Oh, no way. I love a guy like that. He's very much he's very much like me like if you win you just start spending on everything that's how it should be

that's how money should work still haven't gotten my St. Peter's cash yep haven't either oh and I I asked Will Compton and Taylor LeJuan

if they got theirs they didn't notice I still haven't gotten paid do you guys get paid for this fuck that's fine we didn't even. I still haven't gotten paid. Do you guys get paid for this? Fuck. That's fine. We didn't even bring up that you... Look at your fucking shoes.

Yeah. Look at your hat. Look at your shirt. That's what I was excited about. You got your swag back. I do, dude. I feel incredible. You got your swag all the way back.

10, 9, 8, 70, 6ers. Got the M-beats. 30, 90. Can you play that song? Is that? 30, 90, 30, 30, 90. Sixers and fucking six. Fucking jacked, bro.

Thanks, brother. Looking way bigger than KB. Do you flit? You didn't hit the hotel? I was. Don't actually look at the look up and down me. If you want to be workout bros, though, I would definitely start working out with you. Yeah.

Just teach me a thing or two, my bro. Should we swirly, Nick? No. Are we going to shoot it? What, you guys are... No, I'm just saying. I'm not backing out. Frank shit in the toilet.

You did? Toilet. No, on. No, this. Frank shit in the toilet. He did? Toilet. Oh, on. No, this time. Right in the toilet. They even asked him about it because they showed the video. Yeah, and he was like, yeah, sure did. That was me.

Reserve sign. He's like, the other stalls are uncomfortable. The stalls are tight. That makes sense. We need to have wider stalls then. This shit is unfair. It's poop gate. We should have one wider stall and one very narrow stall. Was Frank on the show

for the Poopgate? Did he weigh in? No. What happened on Thursday? Was he on the show on Thursday? He was on the show. What did y'all talk about? A lot of things. We never really talked Poopgate directly. He's not implicated. Just hearing his take.

Kate was here. She was fantastic. Jerry was here. Rico was here. They were present. You know, it was a good show. Fantastic show. What are you guys, are you guys gone next week? No. The following. Oh, so we got a couple weeks.

Back into a groove. What do you guys have next? What do you guys have the following? Discovering America with Wonton Don. That's a two-week road trip as well, but this time just in a van. The Wontonimo Bay. I think we're going to do a draft on Friday. Yeah. Let's fucking do it.

Please, I'm itching. No, I'm good. I'm out Wednesday, but I'm Friday. Yeah, we're going to do hamburger. We haven't done a draft in forever. Let's have a draft day on Friday. It'll be great. In the chat, we also talked about eventually doing a proper whodunit among ourselves where we dress up

like Sherlock Holmes and shit like that. It'll be very fun. Smoke long cigarettes, have cocktails. Plus Sass vs. Grace basketball episode. Yeah, so you've been silent. Yeah, I forget what I was doing. Then we were in Texas. Ignoring her.

I've accepted on your behalf. And there was like a thousand. I've accepted on your behalf. And I would like to, the only stipulation I have is I want it to be one-on-one, a little sass versus grace, and I want it to be first to 101 points, playing with ones and twos only. Yes.

Yep. Everyone in? A lot. You want it to be seven outs? Hear me out. Game to 11, eight-foot hoop,. Sasha's donks on her every possession. That would be sick. I don't know if I can.

You're going to play her. Yeah, I'll do it. I don't care. I know you will. You're a content machine, bro. It's going to be great. We've got to set it up. I do think you guys playing to a hilariously large number would be very funny.

I think 21 is hilariously large. I think 15. Yeah, that is big. That's big. To 100, no one would watch that entire thing. Oh, yeah, they would. He watched us drink for four hours. That was way more entertaining.

Hour four would be when it gets funny again. Yeah. True. You have to drink a beer every time you make a point. No, I think he has to wear a Jokic jersey and has to say, I'm the Joker, baby. Yeah. I'll do it.

I don't care. We actually have a gym. Did you talk to Lisa, Steven? We have a gym? Yeah, we have a gym that we had used. We had put a deposit down that we're not using for something else. So we can use it now. Oh, okay.

So we'll use that. All of us will play, and then Sass will play Grace. Okay, so same date. Yeah, let's do it all in one day. I'll talk with her. You're just going to play one Grace? What? I think it'd be more fair to play two Graces.

Two? Do we have another Grace? Vanderwall? Oh, yeah. Ukulele Girl and O'Malley. Okay. Because I think you have a little more unfair. Too big of an advantage.

We can find a little girl Grace, like a nine-year-old. Just have the Graces run a box and one on your ass. Like Dave Matthews' daughter's name, Grace. Maybe play Grace Matthews. Why do you know that? My daughter's middle name is Grace, but she's a fucking smoke dude.

Stop doxing your family, dude. I said middle name. Okay. They didn't ask for this, bro. They fucking smoked you. All right, spin the wheel and let's get Nick's head wet so we can have it wet

for the rest of the show. Okay. You think anyone's having sex in the office right now? Probably. 100%. I think so. At HQ2, there was a fucking beanbag chair that we found jizz on one time.

Oh, I think I know who's jizz that was. That beat off jizz or fucking jizz? Nobody knows. It was fucking jizz. Cream pie jizz, KB's favorite. Oh, that's drizzle. Why do you... Yeah.

You guys gaslit me into hating fucking. No, you didn't just be yourself Think for yourself one time Don't get so easily influenced Whichever way the wind blows Huh KB Yeah I just thought that was I still think that's a good pick

Get back to fucking equilibrium Yeah are you guys feeling a little weird Being in the office today Yeah man No dogs I haven't been home yet. Stinks. What?

What? I got home last night and then went to Connecticut and then came. I did the red eye on Saturday, which I haven't. I've only slept once in the last three days. My whole life is upside down. Were you a Mother's Day hero, though? Yeah, I was. Nice.

I pulled a great prank. I FaceTimed when I was on the Brooklyn Bridge, being like, I'm on the way to the airport in Vegas. Huh. And then I showed up, like, five minutes later. That's awesome. Now I've set the bar to fail forever. Mm-hmm.

Because any time I'm gone, I'm like, hey, I'm going to the airport. You're like, oh, you're going to walk in any moment. Yeah. Yeah. Off on that one. Future me problem. Future me problem. Future you problem.

TJ, what's up, man? What do you mean? Hey, what's up? I just haven't seen you. Yeah. Chad is relentlessly spamming, asking if KB had seven drinks on Friday. He had probably 20. Everybody had that every day.

I'm dead. One million percent did. Yeah, he was. I would say you had Close to 20 standard drinks Daily for 15 days Oh and how was it For you being around All these drunk assholes

Yeah I was doing T-shirts Which is like One fourth of a shot True It was good How many times Did KB disappear

Which cities did he disappear in Be honest Don't protect him I kept an eye on KB He tried to police my presence from the jump We get to Tampa and I'm like I have to go walk and find a gas station That's my routine

They tried to put an apple tag on you Not even a joke I heard the bird chirping I don't know if that's it Someone put an apple tag on me somewhere. What? One of those. It's like a shark.

Producers didn't think Kyle would show up for his job. Also, why does Logan just have a box of those things? Isn't that used for sex trafficking? Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you guys. Yeah, I come back and I hear this fucking sound going off.

I can't place it. And I get a notification that there is an apple tag on me. I don't know where it is. It literally tags you. I don't even know what it is. It literally tags you like a wild animal. Yeah, like a shark where they're like, hey, we gotta make sure that... I don't know who it was. It could have been like a sex trafficker.

So they were doing like Find My Kyle? Yes. They asked me, could you ask Kyle if he'd be willing to carry around an Apple tag? I was like, he's not like a dog. He's a dog. Microchipped you. My dog. Yeah, they spoke to me through Nick. And I said no.

And I, wait, can I do that? I would like to tag you. We should be able to do that. He is his brother's key. We should have you tagged. I would like to have Kyle tagged because when he's late, we can just pull it up, the map. At all times.

That's illegal. All right, he's down the street. That is illegal. Whoever asked him to it, if he gets into it right now, it's not illegal. No, I'm not. If he gets into it, bro, say yes. Reverse people.

Yeah, why would he? That's the worst thing ever. Why don't we all do it for a week illegal. No, I'm not. If you consent to it, bro, say yes. Reverse people. Yeah, why would he? That's the worst thing ever. Why don't we all do it for a week? All right, I'm down. I'm down. I'm down. Why? Where are you going?

That show, where are we going to pull it up on the show? If you have nothing to hide. What's Sass doing at FanDuel HQ? Sass tweets out, I'm taking a mental health break then the next thing you know is apple tags just at the store yeah he's old week and can't stand up sets yeah let's tag each other i'm cool good on that actually though they can they can be scary oh yeah if you find one you should just sit down right away. Really? Yeah, then you can't be got.

What? I mean, find one. People are like, sex traffickers are putting them on people. Putting them in people's gas tanks and shit. What? All you have to do is buy an Apple tag, and then you can place it anywhere on anybody. It's like, they should be illegal. That is kind of fucked.

Yeah, I get the alerts because I was using my mom's AirPods for a while. And like that says like, oh, you're being tracked. And you can see like everywhere it's been tracking you. So they did tag you, Kyle. They got you? As far as I know, yes. Are you still tagged? I still, I woke up and I heard the faint chirping of a, of a, of a whatever.

I think I would guess it's a tag. Yeah, I don't, it's not the same jingle, but it They might have chipped you. It was more pleasant. Like a bird chirping? It was more of a chirping sound. Was it a bird? Might have been a bird. Is that what someone's trying to find you?

Or ping your location? I got a notification. I don't know. This is like in Ukraine right now. They can find where the Russian army movement's by AirPods. Have you seen those tweets? Where they'll be like, yeah, we can see they stole a bunch of AirPods going through a village. And then people have pulled it up and like, all right, they're right there.

Yeah, right there. We should just gift them a bunch of AirPods. Yeah, I can't really think of any reason why an Apple tag should exist. No, it shouldn't. It's probably for putting it in your wallet or something. Making sure Kyle gets to the set on time. If you lose your purse. Yeah.

If you lose a handbag. I'll lose it. Yeah. If you want to sex traffic, per se. Loser of you and Grace has to wear an Apple tag. I think that wouldn't go over well if she lost. And we're just tracking her throughout the city She'd probably be down for it

You're talking about yourself You're deflecting right now I'll do it, it's going to be my apartment in here We should do a manhunt Owen's bed What? You have a mic for Sully KB told me to

KB told you to call me? Yeah. Why? I don't know. I just got it. What the fuck, Sully? What are you doing? What the fuck was that?

Oh, that's a classic KB prank. What? Why did you tell him to call me? I just texted him and told him to. See if he would. I went to high school. We used to tell freshmen that a teacher wanted to talk to them. And then the freshmen would follow Kyle into the class,

and Kyle would pretend like he never said anything. They'd just be destroyed. Yeah, it's the best. All the seniors laughing at him. That sounds like a fucking nightmare. Yeah. That's like my worst nightmare. Are we going to swirly?

Yeah, probably should. We're going to wheel. Oh, yeah, we can wheel. Do you think you have to do everything KB says? Yeah, he does. I forgot when I, I forgot you were back there, which makes it funnier that you still call. I was staring right at him when he was calling me. Let's spin the wheel and then let's let's swirly this fuck justice

dry one it's good it's good so who's gonna shoot this how are we logistically gonna do this swirly zoom

via zoom so spy cam swirly who's. The Zoom. So Spycam's Swirly. Who's on the lifting squad? I'll help. I'll propose one thing. Can we get a team of non-us to do it? Yes, I love that. So we can react.

No. I want it to be you guys. No, you don't. I want it to be you guys. I don't want it to be us. I think people will pussy out. I think that everyone's scared of Nick. I want timid swirliers.

Ryan Whitney's supposed to be in the office today. He'll do it. That guy's definitely given someone a swirlier before. He's done it before to me. He'll do it again. Can I pee in the bathroom? No. Can I pee in it first? No. Stooley, what the fuck was that? Was that a facility POV? Oh, yeah. Didn't we have a multiple people text to me that there

was a squad? We had four Jewish men the other day that were in the lobby. Make you uncomfortable? And they asked the security guard a lot of questions. What is that? Where did it come from? Why is it here? Stuff like that. Oh.

I think they liked it, but they were fascinated by it. What's not to like? They saw him. Brandon saw him come in. He's like, I thought tax season was over. I thought he was getting audited. I sent y'all a picture of him. Yeah, you did.

Too many to go get. Did you really want to say that? Too many to go get other people. No, I want it to be you guys. All right, so who do you want it to be? Spin the wheel. All right. Wait.

Three people? Three people, Eliminator. Three people. Oh, three people. I think it might have to be four. Four. Four people need to do it? Because not only are you picking them up, you're also.

Are you doing keg style or animal style? Wait, so your hands are down? Hot dog or hamburger. Are your hands supporting yourself? I don't want him to have any control over his limbs. I think his hands can be your own toilet bowl. I'm most worried about my face hitting him. We all need to be in.

I think one per limb, so four people plus the head and neck guy. Yeah, his shoulders are going to be where... Or the guide. This bullying is brought to you by Dude Wipes. Yeah. plus the head and neck guy. Hanging wedgie sucks. Think of your little butt hole. That would suck. I think it would tear my nuts. Also, again, we need to go ahead and get the hook so that we're prepared when it comes up. We do need a wedgie hook. Just put it right over there. The coat rack.

What about that coat rack? No, no, no. It's not supporting me or Dan. Yeah. Can you Google a hanging wedgie really quick? Because the dismount's the funniest. So I put it into YouTube, and's all like girls getting wedgied with doms on.

Probably an algorithm thing. I don't know. It's a local stress feeding. I don't think anyone's ever had it happen to them. No, that's not true. The 80s existed.

I feel like Jackass has done a massive wedgie. I don't think there's any footage of somebody getting wedgied like that against their will. It's all in the movies. No, this shit happened.

They're not just Hollywood's not that smart. There's no footage. There's no footage. One dude died because of it. Yeah. Yeah. An atomic. But I didn't say an atomic.

I'm not fucking demented. What's an atomic? Over the head. Jesus Christ. All right, spin the wheel. Let's get four people. So four people. So four people are going to do it.

Right? Everyone's on it? You good with that, Nick? So first four, or you're eliminating down to four? I think it should be positions. I think the first one, or no, no, we're doing an eliminator. I think first one that lands on should be, like, front arm. Second one should be second arm. Okay.

All right, let's go. First two are the front, second two are the back. Yeah. Okay. Let's do let's go. First two are the front, second two are the back. Yeah. Okay. Let's do it. Wait, one more thing. Is this Eliminator or is this...

Eliminator. Chooser. My fucking day, God damn it. Oh, the four left? Yeah. Four left are doing it. But how would you... So the four left decide

how they want to do it. Okay, okay, that's fine. That's fine. All right, okay. Four left. I mean, this is a good spin. Yeah, whoever this hits doesn't have to swirly their boy. Oh, Brandon.

Kind of needs your mass. If me and Brandon are gone, it's going to be real tough. You might be in there for a while. I might be in there for a while. No, see, this is how it goes. I can really get you out. This is so ridiculous. Would you rather just bob for apples in the toilet?

No. All right, KB, sass. Probably for the best. All right, so last one. Who do you want off? You need at least me or Che. You need a big guy. Yeah, Che is essential.

I think Roan would drown me. He might do that even if he's not on the team, though. I'll find a way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Love always wins. If I'm under the water in the toilet and I feel like a cactus in there as well, I just want to avoid that situation completely. That would be so fucked.

All right. Just got cacti. This already is. Which bracket did this come from? Most disrespectful thing to do to a human. Oh, jeez. Out. Oh, man.

All right, let's go do it, boys. Do we have the Zoom? This is a pretty solid squad. Yeah, we got this. Fuck. Ain't no hard feelings, Nick. Can I stay, or where are y'all going? Wipes.

Shout out to dude wipes. No, you guys. Oh, my God. So we stay here. We're in the studio. Okay. Oh, what the fuck is that? What's in there?

Oh, God. There's shit in there. There's actual shit in there. Yeah, I know. Wait a minute. Go look at it. That's Dookie. Oh, that's it.

He can't. He can't. He can't swirly with the Dookie. There's shit in there. Can we wipe the shit? Can we wipe the shit? Can we wipe the shit? Yeah, dude wipes. And can we ask that person to stop leaving shit there?

Yeah, good God. Jesus. Godspeed, brother. It's sticking. It's sticking. You could ask for a toilet change. What is a toilet change? Go to a different toilet.

Oh, man. All right. I think we're the most exciting commentary team. This is a good commentary crew. All right. So they're scrubbing the toilet now. Wait. Is that fresh bleach?

Shampoo. Shampoo. I see. So he'll get his eyes torn up too. Yeah, they'll bleed. That's worse. Now I'm starting to get shampoo in my eyes. That's better than shit.

That's a good... You know, that toilet flush is so hard. How did that shit hang on for dear life? Dude, this is so clean, Nick. Yeah, right. Put me in it then, bitch. Take your hat off, Nick. Alright, here we go. He's getting laced.

Yeah, get used to... Is he really? No glasses, Nicky. You guys gotta... I'm going to fight back a little bit. Yeah, you have to. I'll go legs. He looks fine with no glasses, but I feel like when you first take off their glasses when you've never seen It's like unsettling. I know

Oh, you're supposed to be in there? Wait, was I on the wheel? That dumb. What was Owen doing? So who's not? Me and you got eliminated. They got eliminated. No, I think it was Swirly's two flushes. Alright.

Well, no. No, it was Nick and Swirly. Was he on the wheel? Was I on the wheel? Oh, Nick wasn't on the wheel. Was I on the wheel? Oh, Nick wasn't on the wheel. Alright, here it goes. Oh, jeez.

Oh, God. Oh, fuck. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, fuck. Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm killed to be in there The fucking boys And we're stuck out here We're having so much fun Big Cat you really

You're gagging I'm good I'm good I know That was an unreal move by him Oh that was a fantastic move Way to go Nick That was a good move Nick He got me so wet

There was so much shit on that upper lip. You're never looking up at that perspective, that little lip over the top. It looked like a mountain range on a map. Oh, Jesus Christ. There's so much shit under that rim. I'm 100%. The water stopped here so I could breathe the entire time, but

so much water went in my eyeballs that if I don't have pink eye... Walk us through that. I mean, did you guys get as wet as I did? I got sweat. You just got it all over my face. I guess we deserved it. That was...

Bullying's got to stop. It took until now, I realize. And that was brought to you by our good friend Stephen Che. And Dude Wipes. Dudewipes.com. Use YAK20 for 20% off your order. I hit my forehead off the porcelain. Is it like...

Yeah, it's a little red. KB was ruthless with the flusher. You would not let... I was like, you pressed my forehead. You see like the... You're getting dry. Did it look funny from here? Oh, you got folliculitis on your like, the— You're getting dry. Did it look funny from here? Oh, you got folliculitis on your forehead, dude.

You definitely have folliculitis. Probably have folliculitis. I realize this is the first act of Stephen Chay's full time. Yeah. No, he decided it when he was not. This was your idea, Stephen, and we got it. That's the president's first act of his term. Evil genius.

Definitely. I mean, you can't flush away all the sediment. No, when you're looking— I need to go home and shower. When you're looking underneath of the rim, of his term. Evil genius. I mean, you can't flush away all the sediment. I need to go home and shower. When you're looking underneath of the rim, did you open your eye at all? My eyelids were turned inside out. Any sediment got in your eye? I had to have.

That's conjunctivitis and folliculitis, dude. I got the vituses. Fucking pink eye. That's conjunctivitis. Pink wee, because we all got that shit. We were all in the mix. I knew I was going to do that as soon as I found out. Oh, that was fucked.

You did? Yeah. Yeah, good move. What the fuck, dude? Now we're done with it. Smart move. Over. It's over.

We're never going back to it. Stass and Brandon wouldn't have been able to handle that. You could tell I didn't really want to. Whoa, that's so deep. Oh, you're so lucky. You're so red as neck is. You was touching the bowl. It actually neck is. It was touching the bowl. It actually looks real.

It was touching the bowl. My nose like went under the rim, dude. This is incredible. That is so bad. It smells like shit. Give the shake. Give the shake. Oh, no.

Oh, whoa. I should have known that was coming. The chaos. Owen just takes off his shirt. Well, I knew his move Was coming I think that footage With like a shitty

Filter on it With no sound Would look Kind of unsettling Yeah Yeah Should we Yeah repurpose it

For some reels Some artistic reels We gotta make some We gotta get some views Off that individual clip TikTok probably Take it down though Yeah My head was Like I saw like Yeah We got to get some views off that individual clip. TikTok probably take it down, though. Yeah.

My head was like, I saw like the end of the sewage pipe. Right. Out into the ocean. Any alligators down there? A little bit. You guys, if you, I guess, no, that's cool. It's a once in a lifetime experience. Yeah, like seeing the toilet from that perspective.

Was it a linear space? Did it feel familiar or was it completely foreign? I think I've been swirled before looking back. Repressed memory. Repressed memory. It all came back to you. I think I... Never mind.

You just felt at home. Last life you were a toilet? Yeah, I think so. I'm sorry. Oh, Ben Franklin works here. I'm sorry. I feel like a guy that's been to outer space. Not many people get that view.

I still think the atomic wedgie is not bad enough for what you're... I think it's going to hurt the butthole. Like I said, I'm probably going to do a Frank the Tank Shoei. Oh, fuck. That's worse. That's the worst thing you could probably ever do. If it ever gets, fuck. That's worse. That's the worst thing you could probably ever do. If it ever gets to you.

It's too bad. That'll be the day I hand my papers in. You know there's a little poop in there. Yeah, Marty will go to Patreon. There's poop in my hair. This, yeah.

No, I meant his shoes. Oh! That hanging will be the funniest part. Oh, yeah, you're right. It's not even getting wedgie, though. The thing is, it rips your butthole

and then you drop upside down and everybody sees your butt. So we need to do that almost identically like that. I don't even know ifgie, though. The thing is, it rips your butthole, and then you drop upside down, and everybody sees your butt. So we need to do that almost identically like that. I don't even know if we can do it in the office. We're going to have to find a tree. I don't want... We could do it from that. What if your tiny little dick falls out?

Wear two pairs of pants. We'll probably have to prerecord it. Prerecord it. So nobody's tiny little dicks fall out? Tiny dicks can't fall out. No, if you're upside down, they fall out. Tiny dicks can't fall out. No, if you're upside down, they fall out. Tiny dicks can't fall. So do we have to wear tighty-whities?

I don't think my piece can even stay in tighty-whities. My hammer. Can you get hang-wedgied with boxers? Well, if you found a kid who killed himself because of a speech impediment, that could be a hanging wedgie as well. Yeah, you're right. Also, I don't know. I have shit in my hair.

I know it. I have shit on my face, I think. I have shit in your beard. Yeah. I was... Fuck. I want you guys to see the amount of poop that was under that rim.

Can someone go to see a picture with a selfie angle. Probably, yeah. You don't want to know? There's a splatted, I mean, imagine the fucking internal pressure that it would take to fire off those kind of poop flecks that were on the toilet. Like, the shit had definitely been sprayed in all directions like a Gatling gun. Should we GoPro that toilet moving forward? Yeah. Can you pass me a Jude wipeling gun. Should we GoPro that toilet moving forward? Yeah. Can you pass me a Jude wipe?

Maybe. A Jude wipe? Shout out to Jude wipe. I'm always going in there to film the rim. They're up there, I think. I don't want to see this. Yeah, this isn't... I don't...

Yeah, let's not... I didn't request this. I don't want to see this. You've already done... What? We put... Toilet acting. Yeah, we showed the poop on the toilet. No. We don't have to see anymore. Now we're done... What? We showed the poop on the toilet.

We don't have to see any more. Now we're done. Oh, I thought he was about to go in. Next move. Whoops. I'm going to clean that up. Yeah, those should be illegal. Dude wipes are the best, though.

Yeah. Yeah. I fucking love contact. These things fucking saved us on the road, man. Were you fucking using them, Owen?, man. I love this shit. Were you fucking using them, Owen? No, we didn't have any. Big Cap Madison was my favorite city we went to.

Oh, you were here. I wasn't here for that. You were here for the coffee. Yeah, yeah. It's the best, right? Yeah. Yeah, perfect. Anyone who goes there, they're like, holy shit. It's like a real city.

There's 250,000 people. Glennie's got his whores in. It's a mother-daughter only thing. We don't say the H. Why? Horses. Oh, there. It is a W.

The H, the other H, yeah. I was just calling wars. They're working women making an honest living. I had no negative connotation to that one. No, I mean, what we do is significantly more shameful. He just swirled at a man. I've sold my soul. Where's my pride?

Down the toilet. Yikes. That was a hell of a peak. I feel like it's like, where do you even go from there? Are you just going to go right home and shower? We mistimed it, too. Why? We should have been able to end the show after a brief break.

Yeah, it's an awkward moment right now. I really just want to end the show. It's more fucked up that you guys are having me marinate in it. Let's end the show. Let's end the show. Let's go. Are we going to be longer? Maybe five more minutes?

I don't want to start bad habits. We were gone for two weeks. I need a full hour at least. Just remember this when you're hanging from the ceiling. You guys miss hanging out with us? Via draws. Dude. And you're on the road?

Fucking yes. I miss you guys. I miss you guys a lot. How come you never hit me up? I miss you guys so much. Likewise. So fucking much. We have Barstool Idol coming up, by the way.

Hell yeah. You know the dates for that? Very excited. 20th to 24th, I want to say? June? June. June. Fuck.

Uh-oh. I don't think I'm going to be here. Oh, what? Oh, never mind. That's May. And it's for a barstool. But I was thinking of something else. Yeah, yeah.

All right, I'll be here. No. You're not in Arlington? Yeah. Why? You're not in Arlington? No. I'm in Arlington June 3rd and 4th.

What? Going out to Portland? Stand up. I was thinking 23rd. On the weekend. Side gig. I'm in Arlington June 3rd and 4th. What? Going out to Portland? Stand up. I was thinking 23rd. On the weekend. Side gig. I work on the weekends, bro. Same with me.

I work for the weekends. As usual. Everybody does that. Can't wait until Steven gets his Sundays. Then he'll be the true weekend warrior. You're going to be... What are you going to do, though, man? You're going to grind.

You're going to have to grind. Oh, yeah. No, I'm going to do though, man? You're going to grind. You're going to have to grind. Oh, yeah. No, I'm going to watch every game. I'm going to have a pretty good feel of by Monday afternoon. Write-ups, more blogs. Tape breakdowns. Is there anything outside

of the football universe that you would like to dip your toes into? Yeah, I'm going to start, or I don't know if I should announce it yet. No, announce it. Announce it. Alright, I'm going to be doing draft grades for Eddie's dog walk drafts. Oh, nice. Which will be cool. Not really your content.

You're just kind of jumping on somebody else's. I will be a star on the bracket. I'd like to announce right now I'll be grading Stephen Chase grades, Eddie's grades. Excellent balances. Yep, I will be doing that. That blog will be coming out every week. Watching the Watchmen.

Probably a notes app now that I'm thinking about it, not a blog. Well, I'm bringing back Blog Cat, so that's something that I could stick a feather in my cap for. No, I just said I'm notes apping it. But you're going to post it, right? On my Twitter. Damn. All right. Well, yeah.

More stuff coming. I still am, again, wrapping up upstairs, so everything will start in about a month. We got the dozen taping next week, I believe. And, yeah, I'm excited. Is this kind of like in Shawshank when Brooks got out of prison and then you're going to come down here and then you're going to kill yourself? No, not at all. Okay.

Seems like that. I watched Shawshank on one of the flights. I do this right now. Brooks didn't know he was going to hang himself when he got out either. That's a good point, Brandon. I do this right now. It's just I don't going to hang himself when he got out either. That's a good point, Brandon. I do this right now. It's just I don't sleep. I don't have a life outside of this.

So you're not going to ramp it up. No, I do more of it. I don't sleep or have a life either. Has any sort of crippling fear set in that the grass won't be greener? No. Again, I do this. That's good. That's good.

It's good. That's good. No, I want to spend more time doing this and invest more of myself into it. Right now, it's not possible at the meetings and other responsibilities that I have. So it'll be good to be freed up to do a lot more of this. What if losing you and your ad ops job is kind of the straw that breaks the camel's back with Barstool? Question. Up there, everything goes haywire just so you could do a little content.

I mean, I'm still down here. If there's any emergencies, I can always jump in if needed. It's not in your job description. This never was. What would an emergency be in your life? An ad emergency? Yeah. I get those all the time.

When Anus has a podcast? Yeah. I mean, RA called me yesterday. There was a thing with some other thing over the weekend. Big Cat's called me before. It's like, oh, shit, where are the ads? What does it sound like when RA calls you in a huff? The only time I call Stephen Chay is when he doesn't do his job.

That's correct. Shit, that's true. Yeah, I know. My calls are not like, there's an emergency. It's, hey, dude, we're trying to do part of my take. Where the fuck are the ads? It's 1 o'clock on a Sunday. It's 1 o'clock in the morning on a Monday morning.

Where are the ads? No, you've never been. When you're taping your normal time, they've never been late. I disagree. You're right. How come there's weed? I just want it clear that I'm not a diva here. I just literally just want to read the ads.

You've been far between, I'd say, over the last five and a half years. Yeah. What are those weed leaves behind you, Steven? I don't know. Why don't I smoke? That will be changing in content. Yeah, you have to smoke. Ah, dude.

Oh, fuck. He doesn't know. He made me smoke. He doesn't know about the initiation. Yeah. He doesn't know about the initiation. Oh. The token CEO.

Stand up. First thing we're going to do is we're going to have to beat your ass. Piss on your feet. You're standing in a bathtub. You're standing in a bathtub. We're pissing on your feet while also punching you in the nose. You want us to keep going? I mean, I don't know how much more there is,

but I'm not wearing my glasses for this. No, we all had to wear our glasses. Glasses. He needs his glasses. We're going to find a stray cat, and we cover it in Nutella, and you have to literally lick the pussy dry. Yep. I love cats, and I love Nutella. Well, you have to keep the cat. And you love to eat him.

In a box. We should do the cat challenge. Licking a cat challenge. Licking a cat dry. See if we can get this trending. That might be my punishment. Licking a cat. You have a cat? A whole cat?

Yeah. You gotta lick the whole cat. It would fuck you up. Can you sedate the cat? You gotta lick the fuck out of that cat. That would be a bad punishment. The cat would scratch your fucking eyes out. Yeah.

Well, it's part of licking the cat. You could probably lick a cat once with no repercussions. Dry. Lick it dry. Not just once. One good lick. They might like it, though. It might be like how a lion likes to get picked up by the scruff of its neck.

Licking a cat might make it feel familiar. That's how they clean themselves. They're not afraid of water, but they don't fuck with water. I had no idea. Somebody suggested we just let a single bee out in the studio. Oh, I like that. I love that. What, a tarantula?

Oh. Turn the lights out. Tarantulas? I think there was a cockroach in the hall as I was walking in here. Probably. There's a little crowd around it taking pictures. Someone had a gun trying to shoot it.

Cockroach. You ever shoot a here or shoot a cockroach. There was a Darwin Award winner of a guy who tried to shoot a cockroach and the bullet

just bounced back off the floor and killed him. Can't shoot a cockroach. Cockroaches are the one thing. What is it.

Twinkies and cockroaches can survive nuclear fallout. The facts the two.aches are the one thing. What is it? Twinkies and cockroaches can survive nuclear fallout? Mm-hmm. In fact, it's the two. Those are the two. It's just a world of Twinkies and cockroaches. Not terrible. But you wouldn't be in it.

Brandon's a Twinkie. Alright, should we end the show? Sorry, Nick. That's fine. That's the wheel. Great job, Nick. You are an absolute G about that. We'll catch you tomorrow. We'll be all back Friday. We're going to do a draft. Boys are back.

I just want to say shout out to Yak viewer Jared Bond, who graduated with a wet wheel sweatshirt on from college. No way. Wet wheel. Fucking ruled. Yeah, dude. Legend. Love that guy. I didn't think our yeah. Yeah, dude. Legend. Love that guy.

I didn't think our fans were the graduating type. No. They must have just let him walk as a format. Oh, my God. Dude, in Wisconsin, did you tell them about this? The anus family you guys saw? There was one kid in an anus sweatshirt, came up to Nick and Kyle, introduced himself. 20 minutes later, getting dragged out by a bouncer by both arms.

The only person thrown out in the two weeks. He was perfect. The only anus sweatsh the two weeks. That's true, guys. The only anus sweatshirt we sold. Body limp. It was amazing. You guys do have a bunch of proud boys going around. Yeah, we do. Yeah, we do.

All right, we'll see you for tomorrow. All right. We'll be right back. Subscribe, please.