The Yak - It's Time to Do the Monster Mash | The Yak 6-29-23

Episode Date: June 29, 2023

Sparky DYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Welcome to the Yak. It's firing day. Jesus Christ. All right. Oh, God. I'm just kidding. I'm not built for this. Row back. Yeah. Got to get that row back. Got to get kidding. Not built for this. Roback. Yeah.

You just got to get that Roback. You got to get the Roback. Incredible hats. It's 4th of July. No company has a more patriotic, natural colorway than Roback. I just saw the dog logo, and I just had, like, my instinct was to nod. Nod, yeah. I saw one in Penn Station, a guy.

He looked very handsome, and I did. I instinctively was like, hey, just gave a little. Some guys are rowback guys. They don't even know it yet. They need to unlock that in themselves. Unleash the rowback in you. Quarter zips, hoodies, polos, shorts, pants. I could go on forever, but you can go to rowback.com.

Use code YAK for 20% off your first purchase. It's as simple as that. Roback, they got you covered. Shout out to Roback. Shout out Roback. Good to see you guys. What's going on? Fun week of yakking.

I don't know about you guys, but I've just been dumping out shows in anticipation of not being in the office next week. Yeah, we actually had you on anus. Yeah, we all have been talking so much. It's been great. Don't even talk it too much. Today feels like a Saturday.

Not even a Friday. Feels like a whole ass Saturday. Big Cat better come in with some fucking stories tomorrow Yeah I've heard Well you're in the same group chat Mentions have been rising At the golf tournament

Someone may have drew tears Somebody brought somebody else to tears Shut the fuck up Even the crop of people there You can probably guess who it was who made who cry Yeah You have probably guess who it was who made who cry. You have a gift for it. Oh, yeah.

I'm just guessing. Has one of these people made you cry? Who's made you cry? No, no, no. They made you weep. Weep? More of a ball. I accidentally walked over to Kate's to see if she was alright and a tear hit my arm No, no, no. They made you weep. Weep is a thing. You were weeping in those tears. More of a ball. Oh, no. I accidentally, I walked over to Kate's to see if she was all right, and a tear hit my arm.

Welt. Oh, no. Like hail? They were falling. Softball-sized tears. Like cow. Sideways rain. It doesn't thunderstorm like it used to.

It does. It really doesn't. I remember in our childhood, in mine at least, it was a pretty regular occurrence. I miss the power going out. Like huge thunderstorms. We used to go to the basement like a couple times a summer in Pennsylvania. Power doesn't really go out anymore either. I don't know.

Is that better power or we just don't notice it as much? Because I ain't reading books. I'm not over there like fucking cracking a book by a candle or anything in the daytime. It couldn't be me. My mom used to be like, get out of the shower. Storm's coming. You might get wet. Yeah.

Well, no, that was the lightning comes through the shower was the urban legend. What? My mom didn't let me shower during storms either. Yeah. I don't recall that. Me neither. Oh, yeah, I do. I swear.

My mom wouldn't let me shower. I had to take a bath until 8th grade What? Yeah she would draw it for me Would she fill it up a tiny amount? Yeah she would save the water Why does it draw? Why does it draw a bath?

Draw me a bath Why is that the word? Doesn't make a lick of sense We're drawing tears. We're drawing baths. This show is drawn as hell. Draw blood. Is it a liquid thing?

Yeah, maybe. Draw something out. I don't know. Take a draw from a straw. Southern draw? It's a draw. And you take a drag from a cigarette. A drag.

So you drag smoke and you draw liquid. Get the cigarettes out of your mouth. It does look cool, but you're ridiculous. You're not enjoying it. Do you ever advocate for the cigarettes? No, you're a real smoker. I see some fake smokers. What do you mean?

Oh, like over at the Fashion Institute. Nice clothes. Yeah. You are a real smoker. You and Riggs, when I came in for my interview for Barstool Sports, were smoking out front when I walked in. Riggs? Yeah.

Oh, my God. You're lying. Oh, no. Don't lie on Riggs. She was smoking the smoke into Riggs' mouth. No, no. You guys were both smoking. We were.

Probably. Really? I didn't know Riggs was a bogeyman. I used to smoke so much i would start hiding like around the corner because i don't when people think i wasn't working enough that's hilarious smoke like half the day uh smoking is like the number one age old excuse to not be working like i'm taking a smoke break that's like i think part of the gig yeah i feel like people uh who don't smoke might have even taken up smoking just so they

could get the break every how often half an hour hour that's in the military they called them smoke but like you'd be in a long class something like everybody smoke break and that was like your only time to get so everybody smoked so you could just go outside and have a reason to like do something for a second and were they like by law required to give you smoke breaks? Probably. You had to smoke a minimum of three cigs a day. They probably used to smoke in the Senate. They probably were just chiefing

on the Supreme Court. I think John Boehner still smoked in his office until the very end. Obama still would have been sick. Linda Tripp around the clock. Gotta start. They caught the Obamas on vacation and they just folded their arms still would have been sick. He's gotta be. Linda Tripp around the clock. Yeah. Gotta start. They caught the Obamas on vacation and they just like

folded their arms and stared at the paparazzi super angry. Oh. Funny way to do it but I feel like that would be the time when they would catch him

huffing down a cig. Yeah. I mean if you don't want to be in the public spotlight don't run for fucking president and win. True. True. Twice.

He has to smoke inside. You took a picture of me on vacation. For president twice. Dude. I'm going to snap a pic. You ran it back. Yeah, their vacation should only be in places that only they can be in. Yes.

Like Bohemian Grove. As soon as you... Poor Sasha, though. She should be able to go places. Yeah, she can't even drop acid at Coachella. She can't even snort a gator tail without people watching. Or was that the other one? I don't know the two.

If you're a run for a major political office and you have teenagers, you kind of hate your kids a little bit. Oh, they're always, yeah. I remember when Chelsea Clinton went through puberty while she was just so, I just felt so bad for her. Hunter's still in his rambunctious phase. Yeah, he's still in puberty. He's still going through it. Fucking hate you

dad. Yeah, it is it shows that you love your kid like, or you love yourself exponentially more than your kid. You haven't, there's been no transfer of love. We're more mad at your kid for... You pretty much just ruin your kid's life in many ways.

Yeah. Totally. Best case scenario, they're on an ABC show getting kicked off night one, throwing a temper tantrum because they didn't get enough screen time. Best case scenario. Freddie Ford was pretty chill, though. Is that Gerald's son? Yeah, no one knows much about him. Because Gerald Ford never

got elected, that's why. Wait, what? Because he fell ass backwards. I actually didn't know that. He never got elected vice or pres. Oh, he was after Nixon? Yeah, he was a sporkle answer. We learned this. Oh, shit. That makes sense. He was just stumbling into the fucking White House.

So his sons never knew. Like, their dad wasn't, like, on the circuit. They weren't getting ripped up. Yeah. But, I mean, fucking TikTok's around back then. Yeah. You know, Freddie Ford is Freddie Fuck, dude. Bad news for the kid.

What about Millard Fillmore's kid? He would have, like have a sex tape leak. What was his kid's name? Do you think that he gave him a normal name? Or do you think that he... Yeah, let's look it up. He probably didn't reproduce. You guys know he's one of Dave's interns.

Austin's little crony, Sam. Yeah, I know Sam. You know his real name? Bozo? No. Don't joke. Sam's real name is Alfred. Alfred?

This is big for the company. Alfred Simpson Martin, and he got Sam by rearranging his initials. That's how Voldemort got his name. What the fuck? He got a Voldemort? He's Tom Riddle in his name? He's like, yeah. And he's acting like that's not a crazy way to choose a nickname.

That's crazy. That's one guy abandoned Sam as his real name, and another guy just picked it up like the flag on a battlefield. Wow. Sam's the brains of this company. Yeah, he is. He's brilliant. And I'll say, I don't know if I would give an Alfred a chance on a resume.

I see that name, and I think, I don't think young. You think he has a bow tie? He has like a fucking... His name's Alfred Simpson Martin II. Yeah, I wouldn't be like, that's the guy who's gonna really go on by Fredo. I think you can do that. Can you? Is that what Fredo's

based on, Alfred? I think you can go by Fredo. Millard Powers Fillmore and Mary Abigail. He doesn't even have a personal name. Mary Abigail back then. His party was the what? The Know Nothing.

Did they edit it? No, that's a real party. I think it was Tongue in Cheek. Damn, we need a Tongue in Cheek party. What the fuck? That's allowed? People loved being fucking fucked. I didn't know his political party is know nothing.

Yeah. And he died in Buffalo. That's a place to die. That's where you got to die. Fell down Niagara Falls. Yeah, he went over in a barrel. Stop dying in Florida. Go die in Buffalo.

They need more. Their cemeteries are empty. They're barren. Yeah. This is a nice park. Nah, man. This is a cemetery. There's just no. Yeah. This is a nice park. Nah, man. This is a cemetery. There's just no one buried.

Do we have him on? It's failing. We didn't summon you by any means. I did. Oh. Yeah, yeah. So, first of all, he's a back-to-back summer intern, and he's really coming to his own. He's gotten significantly cuter.

That's it. That's it. What's your name? Sam. No, it Sit, sit, sit. What's your name? Sam. No, it's fucking not, dude. What a tangled web we weave. When did you start going by something other than Alfred? The day I was born.

Hold on. Move it. I don't know how to do it. You're way smarter than this. Sam? Hold on. No. Way smarter than this. Sam? Hold on. No.

Not going to hold on. I just called you the brains of the company. He just tells us to hold on, and he can't figure out the headphones or the mic. This is that Mr. Bean comedy I've been talking about. We can start the show? When did you start going by Sam? I didn't choose to go by Sam.

It was my dad's decision. Why didn't he name you that then? I was named after my grandpa, Alfred. But there was a skip generation though. So are you still the second? That's how it works. I learned that this morning. You can pick it up.

You can pick it up. Well, think about Queen Elizabeth. Is your grandfather named? My dad is Frank Ferron III So I was going to be Frank Ferron IV Which was completely lost That's a nice FFF And so now I can name a kid Frank Ferron IV

By Sam's rules I think Sam's thing is He would be a junior if it was his dad That had the same name But since it was his grandpa He goes to the second And that would be my Yeah, it would be my kid's grandfather,

since it's my dad. Is that how this... Wait, no, you almost have to keep the chain of... Hmm. I don't fucking know. You can do whatever you want, really. Yeah, you do. Yeah, you can.

You fucking do. That's cool. I think that there is an integral reason why Nick calls you the brains of this company and why you're keeping this company alive. And that's because Austin bullies you and he's very mean to you. He threatens to fire you and he shits on you.

He's very snappy with you. And I think that you're the only person that gets yelled at even a little bit anymore in this company. Austin will text me and say, hey, I didn't even think about it. He's the only person I can shit on. Besides him.

And Austin is mean. There's no chain of nasty command. It's just soft and everybody's getting facials. Nobody's fucking barking at people, demanding more of people. Austin demands more of you, and I think that that makes us a better company. Austin has fired Sam. Really? Yeah, he did.

Fakely. Fake way. Fake way. Austin. Go ahead. Austin also made me, he texted me, he's like, I need your help fucking with Sam. Sam bought the same brand of toothpicks I use. And he was like, pretend like you're mad at him. Trust me, he'll believe it.

And Sam did believe it. It was very convincing. What did he say? He was like, he sent me a text and was like, don't say anything, but Nick's not happy. And Nick, he had Nick come over and tap me on the shoulder. And I was like this. And Nick, I thought you had a tear in your eye. I was frustrated for sure.

That's my brand of. Wait, when Nick's not happy, he's not mad. He's sad. No, but he played it well. He's like, can I talk to you? And I was like, oh. Then I sent Austin a text. I was like, dude, I mean, he played it well. He's like, can I talk to you? And I was like, oh, fuck. Then I sent Austin a text. I was like, dude, I just feel like I can't have anything original without anybody stealing it at this fucking company.

And, like, the one thing I have and I really like doing, then he walks in and does it. And then Austin was like, I'll talk to him. That's the type of elaborate, like, prank he'll play where it's like, even it's revealed it's like I'm still scared he did fire you as a prank yeah yeah how so my email I couldn't log into my email well I

Alfred at BarstoolSports.com Sam Don Martin oh dude oh you dumb dumb oh did I just dox him shit hit him up though yeah hit him up Oh, you dumb, dumb. Oh, did I just dox him? Whatever. Yes, dude. Shit. Hit him up, though.

Yeah, hit him up. Sign him up for shit. Hit him up. Anyway, so I couldn't log into my email. Now, these email problems are probably going to be worse now. And I hit Austin up. I was like, hey, I can't get into Dropbox because my email doesn't work. And he was like, yeah, it's because you're fired. And I was like, oh, shit.

And I left class. I was in class. I was like, why? Were you trying? I was just bummed out. I was like, damn. So I stepped out, and he was like, no, it's just down. And I was like, oh.

So it was all good. The email was just down, and I thought I got fired. I'm realizing that you might be dumb. You're not the brains. You need to start speaking eloquently. You're really, really dumb. You're making us look bad. Yeah, sorry.

No, I owe Austin my life. I should say that as well. I'm grateful he's my boss, but he definitely likes to play around with me a little bit. Rules with an iron fist. We voted you into the tungsten club, and he put his foot down. And you can't join until what? I have to play taps on the bugle. Perfect.

Are you learning it? How's that going? Horribly. Where's your bugle? I lost. Oh, my God. You lost your bugle. How do you lose a bugle?

Where did you lose your bugle? If I knew where I lost it, I would find it. Where did you lose your bugle? If I knew where I lost it, I would find it. Where did you have your bugle last? It was before the parade. Donnie was playing it. And I was like, oh, it's so hard to play taps on this. And then he started playing taps on it. And then I haven't seen it since.

Is a bugle... I don't know what a bugle or a tap is. A bugle has no buttons. It's essentially a kazoo. It's how you move your mouth. Just humoo. It's how you move your mouth. Just hum it. It's how you move your mouth on it. Yeah, it's all about your mouth rather than like.

There's a bugle in here somewhere. Yes. Can you do it? Probably not. That's taps. That's when a soldier dies. How does it go? That sad song.

Oh, yes. You can do it just fine. Without the bugle. Do I have to use a bugle? Yes. It's Austin's rules. You don't want fired again. You guys are doing funny ass shit without cameras being

around. I didn't realize that was an option. The tungsten meetings are really fucking serious. The funniest things this company does. Yes. Damn. Well, you can't get a camera on that. No. No, no, no. Can't get a camera on that. Or just tapping.

We had resources pooled. Yeah. You have this. You have the fucking phone. Did you, when you brought Sam into a meeting, what did you guys talk about when you tapped him about the toothpicks? Did you actually go and talk to him, or did you tell him right there? I couldn't do it, because he was like, yeah, man, of course.

And I was like, okay, dude, I can't do this. Damn, I wish you really, like, sat him down. Yeah. Brought him into E's office. I think I already got emails. I think I got a different thing today. Yes, of course you got emails. I got so many.

Is that your work email? What are they saying? His phone is just completely. Get on a mailing list this summer and you can get over to Sam. Give me a fucking job. As if I have the authority to do that. Here you go, brother. You need it.

What is it? It's a link. Click the link, dude. Always click the link. It's rule number one. The rule number one of internet is click the link. You're not going to get to anywhere if you don't click the link. Oh, number one The rule number one of internet Is click the link You're not gonna get to anywhere If you don't click the link

It's called Oh it's a name change application They're on your ass They're on your ass Alfred These motherfuckers are on you Yeah you're not good. Got no pitch, bro. I saw some fifth graders playing Turn Down for What on their recorders at graduation.

It was really funny. It's awesome. Where'd you see that? On TikTok. I thought in the wild. It'd be way funnier. I'm going upon that. In the street corner late at night. that on tiktok i thought in the wild two and a half hours of a graduation for them gotta be sweet gotta be respectable i wouldn't mind seeing it if we could find it

um dude maybe austin should be in charge of everything austin should if he's gonna yell at people like that's like maybe the most valuable thing he is the only dude in this office that yells at people. And has, like, any type of authority because he's coming from Papa Dave. Yeah. He, before I ever got my first text from Dave, I got a text from Austin that said, don't worry. And then I got a text from Dave right there. What was it? He was Dave inviting me to dinner.

Nuh-uh. What? The dinner that you didn't attend. Yeah, I told him I was too busy. I had to write jokes for a mini-golf. Legend to dinner. Uh-oh. What? The dinner that you didn't attend. Yeah, I told him I was too busy. I had to write jokes for a mini-golf. Legendary dinner. Oh, in... $20 tip dinner.

Branded $20. Oh, fuck, yeah. That's hilarious that you had to write jokes for mini-golf to go to that. You work too hard, brother. I hope you do less in Chicago. Oh, I'm taking everything off my plate. Here we go. Hell yeah. Oh, I'm taking everything off my plate. Here we go.

Hell yeah. Yeah, I'm off the yak. I'm just moving to Chicago. Just you like the weather. Yeah. The climate. Sam, where do you attend uni? Or are you done?

I just graduated from Lehigh in June. That's right. Big cocaine culture at Lehigh. Don't they have a really good Chinese restaurant? I feel like it's guys pretending like they're pop partiers, but not. Jasmine Chinese. Jasmine Chinese. Yes.

I don't know if that's renowned, though, but my friend Owen loves it. When I went there, I had a fucking delicious Jasmine Chinese meal. What were you doing at Lehigh? I don't even fucking remember. All I remember is Jasmine Chinese. That's really the only thing that I'm... I was in a pagoda over there. I was in like a fucking round building.

I remember like a warehouse sports bar. Really? Club. Yeah? I almost went there. Ro and I talked to some people today. I think you and I are going to my old stomping grounds. No.

Mm-hmm. Westphal? Mm-hmm. Westphal? Mm-hmm. When? I'll talk to you about it. I don't know if it's official. What the fuck? Yeah.

Or what kind of thing? They just want to see you and I hang out, have fun. Oh, because we're playing Penn State this year? Yeah. Oh, that's going to be fucking awesome. Hell yes. People are coming up with ideas I fucking love. It's probably Austin's smart ass.

It's probably fucking Austin I wish he'd yell at me You're underneath Austin, Austin's directly underneath Dave Austin is like the mouth of Sauron In Lord of the Rings You guys get it Are you full time? What's your

End goal? Will Austin become Dave and you become Austin? I haven't really thought about that. I just do whatever Austin tells me to do, and I think if I do that well, then success will follow. So whatever that is, who knows? But the only thing I'm worried about is just not pissing off Austin at the moment. We've never had Austin on the Yak.

We should one day. Where's he at? With Dave. He's funny. He's like the Devil Wears Prada. He scares me. It's like if you can survive a year under Miranda Priestly or whatever, you can do anything in fashion.

That's it. You can survive under Austin. You can do anything in the blogging. I'm worried that you're too nice, though. I don't know. I've heard that a lot, actually. Yeah. That wasn't a very nice.

Yeah, I hear that so much. It's normally a girl voice saying it i just feel like uh if if like you i feel like your future is it gotta be successful because you're coming from a great coaching tree but i don't know if it's the guy who yells at everybody yeah i'm not good at yelling at people but you want to practice see the thing about like if i like because you're right. I probably—in life, you need to know how to, like, you know, yell at people. But I think if I try to, it just, like, comes off weird because it's just obvious I'm not good at it.

And it's, like, makes everyone— It's your intonation. You have, like, a questioning intonation. You have an upward inflection as opposed to a downward inflection. Yeah. It's an inquisitive thing, not demanding. You guys think you guys—people should know how to yell at people? I don't think it's ever been valuable to me.

I think projecting anger is important. Yeah, that is important. Why don't you start off by sending a mean, oh Christ, a mean email back to one of those people? Say it out loud. Say what you're going to say out loud and practice with the downward inflection. Because I don't think you need to yell at people. Say it out loud. Say what you're going to say out loud and practice with the downward inflection. Because I don't think you need to yell at people.

Someone email me suck a fart. I'll respond. You're not winning that battle. What are you going to say back to them? What are you going to say? Let's workshop this. You have comedy minds in here. Listen here.

So far so good. Listen here. Listen here. Then something. A name. Listen here. Send a name. A name. Listen here. Listen here, Dorkwad. Address them by name.

Oh, you were going to say their name? I'm not going to say their name, but I addressed them. Just their first name. It doesn't matter. Just their first name. Yeah. Amanda. Whoa.

Oh. Wait, Amanda told you to suck a fart? I'm into this. Yeah, jeez. You're nervous. Girl, Amanda told you to suck a fart? I'm into this. Yeah, jeez. You're nervous. Girl, you got nervous. You got nervous. You getting hard, brother?

Yeah, jeez. Goodness. What do I say? Listen here, bitch. All right, all right, all right. Ow, alright. Ow again. That's not very appreciated. Oh, no, no, no, no. That's so soft.

That's not very appreciated. Even closer, like, I don't appreciate that. You gotta make estimates about some of her features. Yeah. She has cankles probably. Amanda is a cankle name.

She has like split ends or something. Listen here butterface. Knock knees. No don't use that. What are girls self-conscious about? But not. You can plant whatever and they will instantly become. A toothy smile. A gummy smile. Your eyebrows are too low. Yeah that too. And your forehead's too high.

That's the hat. No, just say, listen here, bitch, you're fat. On my work email? Oh, wait, yeah, shit. Who cares? Or like, I don't know if you're fat, but you're coming across that way. Yeah. This is going to catch her by surprise.

The woman who's watching it. It's really. Yeah. Wait, I forgot this was a real person. No, no, no. Don't say that. Don't say that because it's your work email. Yeah, right.

Well, I think. All right, just be nice to her. Just be nice. Listen here. Tell her she's probably right. Told him to suck a fart. You're probably right. Did I say that because it's your work email. Just be nice to her. Just be nice. Tell her she's probably right. I told him to suck a fart. You're probably right. Did I say where and when? No. Now we're getting

back to the whole problem here is that I have trouble yelling at people. Why'd you pick a woman? Now you're setting yourself up. You chose a woman. I chose a man. Tell her your day will come. Tell her something obvious.

Oh, that's not. What? Someone said they'd Venmo me if I can get Kate to say wiener three times. I want you to get paid. Wiener, wiener, wiener. Yeah, but it says this message seems dangerous in the top of the. Yeah, it's the wiener talk. Wiener, wiener, wiener. Yeah, but it says this message seems dangerous in the top of the... Yeah, it's the wiener talk. Wiener, wiener, wiener.

Yeah, you're getting a bunch of outside work emails, and I don't know how they're going to stop. Yeah. Okay, this guy has like a professional... Oh, he's trying to sell me something. Never mind. Bye, brother. Okay. Oh, his product sucks.

These are kind of nice. A lot of people need to hear that their product and business do suck. Yeah, you're just sewing two pieces together. Oh, is he coming on? Yeah. It's been a while. Or it's been never. Has he been on before?

I don't think so. I think we're about to have a yakagami. I'm going to get up for this. I think so too, Kate. There's room. There's room for both of you. Ebony, hello. How we doing?

Grab the mic, bro. Grab the mic. That one can even stand up taller. Yeah, give us a 16. Yeah, give us some bars. Introduce yourself. My name is Sparky D. What's up, Sparky D?

I'm trying to get it every day I can. Okay. But I'm going to sing about these girls. You know, I like them girls. Wait, you have a song about happening? Sing about these girls. I'm just going to put it like this. Right.

How's it go? I did the dance. Everybody hold your hand. I did the dance. You know I'm just a little old man. I did the dance. Take my girl around the world tonight. I did the dance. Take my girl around the world tonight. I did the dance.

I'm going to kiss her every night. Hey! I did the dance. I did the dance. Everybody clap your hands. I did the dance. Hey! That's why we.

I love that. The talent in this office never stops, bro. I hope you get that contract I would go into Erica's Yeah time to get it There we go Hey Sparky D doing the dance I appreciate it bro

Yeah Y'all want one more Yeah Hell yeah Yes sir You can raise it up That's right Oh yeah you can just hold on

What money I just shook my ass face. Wait, you paid for having to shake her ass? Sparky D. Sparky D. No, no. Oh, shit. He's out of here.

And he's gone. He could have did one more. He could have did one more. Folks, you just met our newest co-worker. Sparky D. It's hiring day. Sparky D. It's hiring day. Sparky D. Damn, I can't believe that he just remixed the

Monster Mash for us. He really did. He did the dance. That sounded familiar. It was a graveyard smash. He did the dance. Oh, bro, I can't believe what what uh what style is that is that fucking doo-wop what the hell was that was transported back in time damn bro future this company is bright man i'll tell you what so bright we gotta wear sunglasses

man the fucking legend out there. It's usually like rapping. Yeah, I wasn't expecting that. He whitewashed it for us. He saw us and was like... The Monster Mash might scare these fellas. These hep cats. Who was at the smash? My electrodes.

My electrodes. That song is crazy. That song is crazy. That song is so goofy. He did the mash. It was a graveyard smash. Yeah, that voice kills me. That was like hard rock back then. Yeah.

What year was that? That was way long back. Yeah, and they thought it was the devil. Dancing like that. There might be YouTube footage of me doing that at the Kent State Athletics Talent Show, because that's what we did every year. What was that called?

Monster Mash? Yes. Bobby Pickett. Kent State. They did that mash. Wrestling. Cancel. Oh, album canceled.

Oh, he was on the canceled wave for a minute, bro. Damn. And the Crypt Kickers. Wow. The genre is popping. You know that he went on to do the voices for Saturday Night Live. No way. No, but it's the same sounding voice, isn't it?

Yep. I had to do it in that and just be like, I want to be a singer. Tower and kill them. Fuck, the goddamn Monster Mash guy. That's you? Send it to the... I don't want to hear it, bro. I want to see it. Kick it over to the...

to the group. Who? Wait, do you have footage of you at the... Nah, never mind. It was a graveyard smash. Damn, unbelievable stuff. That guy is usually rapping and sometimes spitting.

He gave me a mixtape. He likes the cleaning staff. He gives them a lot of attention, which they deserve. They deserve it. Wait, where did Ebony go? They're in the broom closet. They're figuring some stuff out. He's giving her a

tip. The spark plug. Oh, man. I love it. I love the joie de vivre that they have. They just enjoy life. They're not shackled by the fucking, like, 21st century workplace. Like, you have to act like this or be like that. They're just having a good time.

They're getting loose. Just walked out with big teeth. I don't have any charges for ass touches. It's like Lucy in Peanuts. She has her psychiatry booth. Yeah, you come up to the booth. But you'll also whip that ass out of the way when you're trying to

touch it, like Lucy. Like the football and I do a flip. You're running up to touch her ass. I swear she's not going to do it this time. Fucking Lucy. Ebony. What? Someone's subscribing me to, like, porn websites.

To your work email? Like, newsletters. Yeah, dude. I said your full email. And then we gave it more attention on the show, and, like... A porn newsletter? Yeah. Yeah, what does that look like?

Yeah, what's a porn... Give us a quick synopsis. I know that they used to send them out in like a broad sheet newspaper and Glennie Balls was just like licking a finger out and reading through it. What a bastard. Leg crossed on the subway. Where's Sass? He's filming.

Oh, yeah, that's right. Sketches all day, he says. Come on, bro. That shit's unacceptable. Oh, yeah, that's right. Sketches all day, he says. Come on, bro. That shit's unacceptable. For real. Completely unacceptable. All right, Sam. Thanks for being here, bro.

Thank you. I got to go deal with this email situation. What do you do? I don't know. I think I'm screwed. No, I think there's a way you could turn it on so you only get internal emails. Oh, yeah. From the same.

Yeah, I guess that's smart. You send in this intern? I'll fade out. Which one? This one? Jack Mack's intern? Yeah, sure. Thank you, brother.

He's always putting up the fun prompts when you walk in the door. Not fun. It's humiliation porn. A little bit. A little bit. Yesterday's. I have a bone to pick with yesterday's. Well, let's get to the bottom of that.

Has she been on the Yak? No. Not with me on it. Not with me on it either. But she's doing a lot of content with Jack Mack. Yeah, I saw her. I turned a corner one day and saw her and Jack Mack jogging down the street. What do you mean you heard them jogging?

Or I saw them. I did hear them, yeah. Jogging for a TikTok or a jogging job? It must have been. How's it going? Hello, hello. How's it going? Good.

Grab a seat. Have you beenging jogger? Must have been. How's it going? Hello, hello. How's it going? Good. Grab a seat. Have you been on the Yak? Welcome. Welcome. Pull the mic up close. No, you're fine. Hello, everybody. Hi.

Introduce yourself. My name's Maddie. I'm an intern here. You're one of the few content interns. Yes. I've been down on the content floor a couple times. I think we've seen each other. Yes.

Who else are the content interns? Who else is doing content of the interns? I think it's just mainly me, but also Peyton and I do stuff on the main page together. But I think I'm the only one with my own TikTok sort of vibe. Yeah. Sort of vibe. You've been putting up the prompts every day, and you have a problem with it? I think some of them are humiliation porn.

I saw what you did to Connor Mook yesterday. That was crazy. You asked people to do a clap push-up. In this office? Yeah, that was pretty intense. Can any of you do one? Oh, KB, you could probably do a bunch of them. Yeah, people are saying that you definitely think you could.

The world record? Wait, what? The world record was? Probably 100, not one. I would never do one. The world record in a minute was 77. Oh, yeah. 77.

You could definitely do 100. Yeah. Yeah. No, because I'm afraid he'd push himself up too much and he'd just be on his feet. Just stand. He probably can. That counts, I think. So you came in here with your own TikTok, and what were you doing, or what are you doing?

So I do, like, it's kind of like lifestyle. I started making TikToks a year ago in the summer and I had this thing on my lacrosse team. So I play lacrosse at Marist College and we all had this thing where we would call each other Jim. Yeah. And like this Southern accent. So then I went on my TikTok.

Like how then? Like Jim. Hey, Jim. Yeah. So I go. So in some last summer I was waitressing 40 hours a week and was like, you know, I'm just going to prop my phone up and be like, let's get ready for the day. And I was like, hey, GM. Started calling my following gym and it took off.

And then I got like 10. I mean, took off as in I got 10K by the end of the summer. Yeah. That's good. Back to school. People liked it. Yeah. So you're still in school?

I'm still in school. Yeah. I play lacrosse at Marist College still. And I'm going to be a senior. Oh, yeah. And are you.se at Marist College still, and I'm going to be a senior. Oh, yeah. And are you – so KB said he turned the corner. He saw you and Jack Mack running. Jogging, yeah.

Yes, we were jogging. Jack Mack and I have become good friends, so it's been fun. We do, like, Jack and GM. It's like a little – That was for a video, correct? Yeah, that was for a video. Because his friend – he's friends with this influencer named Kate. She's a running girl on NYC, and we did a running video.

We ran like.9 of a mile, and Jack Mack was heavy breathing, I'll tell you that. Tough, that's tough. You could have rounded up. You could have done it. Told him a whole mile. Nobody would have known. .9. Are you his intern?

Not technically, but we have our bit online. It's like, Jack. If you bring me with you, I'll get you both any pair of running sneakers. Oh, can you hear it on here? Yeah, yeah. Hi, guys. I'm Jack. You may know me from TikTok.

This is what I saw. I was shook. But you saw it in person. You were just walking down the street. My name's Maddie. Wait, are you in this video, Kyle? You were walking at that point. You were just walking.

Oh, they're like interviewing. So this woman, this is her style of her content. She does like running TikToks. She interviews people. She like blew up. She's like 500,000 followers now. But usually it's like, how many miles are you running today? And they're like two.

And she's like, if you run seven with me, you're like 14. Usually it's a lot of mileage. So I'm doing my own with her actually on July 11th. I'm scared. You know how far you're going yet? No, I'm scared. It's hard to work out also, like commuting every day because I commute from New Jersey.

So I've been lacking in the running department. What position do you play? I'm an attacker. Do you think you could score on Jake Malisak? I heard that he's in the World Games. I think that I could score on him. A lot of people have. The Czech Republic, right?

No, he played at UVA. Club. Club? You, right? He played at UVA. Is it club? Did I? I think you said club. I think you said club in there. Damn, that's fucked up. So you could probably score on him. I think so. A couple fakes

in there maybe. Hell yes. So what kind of content are we going to see from you this summer? It's two more months? Two more months, yep. It sucks because

I go back to school and like have class. You don't have to go back to school. You don't need it. I want to stay forever. I've been doing a lot so that's basically

what I do here. It's like I post five times a day in the office just doing my own thing and also helping on the main page and helping with

social people, getting to know collabing yeah um what's the prompt today oh i just took it down it was on there for so long it was um what would be your um baseball walk-up song if you're baseball oh body yaddy yaddy yaddy yaddy yaddy yaddy yaddy yeah i wrote see ya that's another thing i have freezes so i have this thing where I say see ya, Pete. Uh-oh. Don't claim see ya. No, no, no. Not that.

It's kind of my thing. See ya, Pete. Yeah, Pete. P-E-E-T-S. Pete. Like, short for pizza, I guess. But, like, I just, that was another thing. I'd be like, see ya, Pete.

And then, like, I'll be walking around now and someone comes to me and they're like, see ya, Pete. Love your TikTok. I'm like, see ya. Oh, shit. That'd be like, see you Pete's. And then like, I'll be walking around now and someone comes to me and they're like, see you Pete's love your tech talk. I'm like, see ya. Oh shit. Crazy. Yeah.

That's sick. And well, thanks for coming in. We just had the, uh, Nick had his phone. Where can people follow your tech talk? My tech talk account is, that's our thing.

It's Mubi. It's not my name. M zero zero B I E. Mubi. Where's that come from? Oh, that's what it is. I've had it since high school, and I just never changed it. I thought it's funny.

It was nothing really, no origin to that, honestly. Me and my... Jack, Pete's, Mubi. Jim, Jack, Jim. Jim, Pete's, Mubi. Jim. Yeah, that's just a lot of... A girl with many names.

And my real name is Maddie. So, okay. There you go. What do you want to go by? Whatever you want. Maddie, Jam, Mubi, eat. See you, Pete. No, whatever you want.

Cool. Love it. Alfred? Yeah. How are we going to embarrass Connor Mook tomorrow? Yeah, what should we do? Another athletic challenge. Yeah, keep doing the athletic ones.

How about like a barrel roll or a cartwheel or something like that? A somersault. Did you see his high kick to the water bottle? Yes, he fell very hard very fast. That, you made him quit kickboxing. No. He quit that day. He did? Yes. No, that should be a sign for him

to do more kickboxing. He's been paying and that was the result. Yeah, but he actually quit. He was pretty high up there. He actually quit. Damn. That's sad. I didn't know that. Can you believe what you've done?

Mook and Mubi could collab. So if they offer you a full-time job, would you quit college? Two people have asked. Now that's the third time someone has asked that. I'm like,

what are you guys saying? Well, Sasquatch did it and it worked out great for him. Yeah. He said, fuck college. Well, for you, it would be more like would you be willing to quit lacrosse? Yeah, that's another thing. I'm sort of, lacrosse is so hard to think about right now,

because I'm so immersed in this world right now. It sounds like you prioritized this over lacrosse. Over lacrosse, 100%. Last year, this time, I was waitressing and could still work out and go to the turf, but I haven't, if I'm being honest, done that in a while. What's your major? I'm a communications major.

Quit. PR and advertising at Marist. See ya. Yeah, see ya, Pete's Marist. I don't know. I don't know. I guess my parents are probably like, really? Because also, I'm on scholarship there.

So you're not paying anyway. What the hell? Yeah, good point. I'm not losing out on. I'm on scholarship there. So you're not paying anyway. What the hell? Good point. I'll have them watch this. Yeah, kick it through to them and see. But yeah, I hope you have a great summer. And we'll see you around the island. Hope we meet again. Bye. Bye.

Peace. Having good catchphrases really does help. Yeah, I like that. If somebody yells to you you on the street what do they say to you? do they say rony? baby da prince? can't say the word they use for me you want to bad though always have

I get anus and obgyn or kb really? that's hilarious where is sass I get 10x is probably the most common and then I always respond with this That's hilarious. Like, where is sass? Yeah. A lot of that. I get 10x is probably the most common, and then I always respond with this. I get boy dad a lot, too. Yeah.

That is great. Been on twice. You get meek fill. Yeah, meek fill a ton. Like, I can't leave the house without getting meek fill. I get fights a lot. Fights? No. Yeah.

How is it that Meek Phil and Frank both have the same D sound? They do. This and that. Like the TH becomes a D. This guy. I kind of need more of Meek Phil. I know. Fuck, is he here?

Is he here? I don't know where he is. I'm going to fucking blow the whistle for him. Where is he from exactly? Look at the office. My word. Gross ass office, brother. This office needs a woman's touch so badly.

Terrible. Look at that design, dude. Fucking all business Pete. Nice design, Pete. It looks good, man. I'm glad you're sticking around. Eat the charge. Look at that. Oh, no. Look, your troops are all there, man. I'm glad you're sticking around. Eat the charge. Look at that.

Oh, no. Look, your troops are all there, excited, waiting. I know. Jim's about to go to Chicago with you guys. Jim. Jim. I get it. I do.

Fun to say. That shit is fun to say. Dude, I'll be fucking scrolling TikTok, and I'll see a TikTok being like, Roan's not going to Chicago because his wife is rich as fuck. I actually... You'll see a full fucking TikTok. I thought that was...

I saw that many times. I'll see a TikTok talking about it, but all the comments are like, his fucking rich-ass wife. Green screened over your proposal photo on Instagram. No, I don't want to see it. Is that a real TikTok, some of you? No, it's not.

The rumor has it, Roan's not going. The comments in the TikToks, whenever someone will clip something about Chicago, that'll be what a lot of the comments are. I kind of want to make that TikTok myself. It's just his rich... It's a real Jones wife. Where's the fucking... When do I get some of the money?

He's fucking walking around rich as fuck. It's just funny when people just run with crazy-ass narratives. Yeah. I do. And I don't blame them. They need to have their fun. Who's it hurting? around rich as fuck it's just funny when people just run with crazy ass narratives yeah i do and i don't blame them i guess they need to have their fun who's it hurting me dude where am i fucking you can live with that yeah that's the stereotype i'm pissed off about i did fucking everyone's calling me rich how am I going to struggle rap oh my god it's just hilarious to see conclusions that people jump

to she's rich as fuck no she's not that's funny it is it's an unacceptable answer that I like New York. It always has to be.

No one will just go with that. No one will just accept that. He can't. He can't. No, there's got to be something else. He's not allowed to go. It's funny as fuck. I'm excited to go to West Virginia.

I hope there's ideas that I can go out there. Unfortunately, we're trying to plan these end of New York shows, and everything that we're trying to do, Brandon can't be a part of. It's so fucked. Yeah. It's just not right, dude. We need to fucking free Brandon. We're clever enough, with our brains put together,

we could figure out a loophole. Like prosthetics. We could do that. On him. On him, yeah. What if we did one of these special episodes was the roast of Brandon Walker? Yeah, and he's just not here for it.

He's not here. It's like a penance. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He has to take his medicine. What more does he need to do? Or like we do one episode in the sun. Somewhere that he can't be. You know? Or like...

So what is the deal? Brandon can't be in the special episodes? Yeah, those are the group chats that I'm seeing. Brandon is not allowed to be in the special episodes. Or like, if they're sponsored in a certain way, Brandon... Yeah, I get that. But, uh... I don't know, dude. I want my boy B.W. in the certain way. Brandon. Yeah, I get that. But I don't know.

I want my boy B.W. I don't love the special in the special episodes. Why don't we just add other special episodes for the sponsorship and then have the special episodes that we're talking about? The ones that Brandon's part of. Yeah, he's got to be a part of. Any special episode. Did he make it there yet?

Is he there? He said this place sucks in the Yak chat, and I didn't know what he meant. He meant barstool sports. Yeah. I thought he meant his new house. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. He's very happy there.

Is it? Have you seen his house? I don't know why I said, is it like I'm British? Is it? He's very happy there is it uh have you seen his house have you sent me pictures from yeah yeah he sent me pictures from his uh i love to facetime people when they just move into a new place i've done the same thing with spider and with tommy uh in their new places they've moved into just because uh people are so excited to show it off.

It's so exciting that their voice has that echo. Yeah. Like, it's not ready, but this is going to go here. Yeah. I want to get this for that. The day bed. Like, look how much bigger the shower. I'm going to take baths all the time.

You're not going to take one, first of all. Yeah, baths. High hopes. You're never going to take a fucking bath. Never. Oh, man. I're never going to take a fucking bath. Never. Oh, man. I've never had that, though. I've never been excited about a move until now.

Yeah, because, I don't know, dude. People get jazzed up to move to, like, the East Village, which location-wise is fantastic. But anytime I'm walking into an East Village apartment, it's not necessarily exciting in a way of like, oh my god. It's like, okay, how am I going to fit my shit in here? A little demoralizing. Where am I going to put my shit?

But I do like the East Village. The first time I got my own place in New York, it was a studio. It was a mini studio, but I was thrilled to finally... I had to climb over my bike to get in the door every day. I loved it. I was a studio. It was like a mini studio, but I was thrilled to finally – I had to climb over my bike to get in the door every day. Really? I loved it.

I was so excited. How often did you use your bike? 24-7. I used to bike to work all the time. Really? Yeah. I'm hoping to when I get to Chicago. You would bike a non-electric bike to work?

Over the Queensborough Bridge. That's fucking thorough. That's fucking badass. I was still pregnant. I was still doing it, and I probably shouldn't have. No, that's incredible exercise Like climbing The ascent to get up a bridge

But the descent Going into the city When you're cruising on a bike It's like You got a good song going on It's like I get so excited to Ride a bike every single day

Every day I like to put on Like music or a podcast I'm just like I just enjoy the commute So I need I'm at a point where

I need the electric Oh yeah I use the electric Because I'm going It, I just enjoy the commute so much. I need, I'm at a point where I need the electric. Oh, yeah, I use the electric because I'm going over. It's so hard to get. They're either broken or not there. Dude, you know what people are doing now in City Bike? I'm about to file a complaint. I'm willing to as well. There's a QR code, and they scratch out the QR code

because there are certain people that have a key. Oh, no, no. Scratch out the QR code so only those people can use it. And I tried to buy the key, and you can't buy the keys no longer for sale by Citibank. I would do that. 100%, I would do that, too, if I had a key. If I had the key, I would do it.

But now since I can't be a part of that, I'm going to Karen the fuck out and probably file a complaint. Yeah, electric's a game changer. Oh, it's so good. Would you guys run back January 6th if it was to find out this week on Jack and Jim? Would you run back January

6th if it was to find out who was behind all of the Epstein stuff? Who was on all of the Epstein like What do you mean run? It kind of puts a target on your head and what can you do about it? Just to make it public

who the people that Jeffrey Epstein worked with. I would run back so many things. There's nothing more that I would want than that. Then what? January 6th or the Epstein? Everything about the Epstein. A detailed list of exactly who... I need every single person.

You guys gotta watch the driver. Well, it was on 4chan, so we don't know if it's real. Probably was. It was very detailed and it was crazy. It was his personal driver spilling the tea or something? Oh, shit. Yeah.

Did you see the guy on 4chan that got convinced to... What? Rihanna. And again, this is 4chan, so it could have been completely made up, but it was so detailed to the point that it seemed real, and he said there was a lot of, like, sex parties with kids. With Rihanna? She was one of the names, yeah.

Fuck. I don't know if I should say this. Yeah, Chris Brown's going to hit you. Yeah. That's fucking bad. Did you ever see the guy on 4chan that found a grenade and everybody convinced him to microwave it and then he died? No.

Is that real? Yeah. That's so fucking dumb. Oh, God. My. They're the smartest and the dumbest people over there. People are so smart over there that I could see someone having a super detailed, fictionalized

account. Right. It's almost definitely fake. But that's why it's just like, I need to get to the bottom of this. I never will know, but I would fucking love it. You've got to know, right? I mean, there's got to be. I mean, we get the tinfoil hats,

but unless he's like a CIA operative or some shit like that, or there were CIA operatives, but then, I mean, that's why we need Lil Sass to learn a little bit more Arabic so he can get into Langley and really get to the bottom of this thing. I'm fucking woke, dude. I'm trying to figure it the fuck out. You woke about the wildfires going on right now?

No. I'm not woke about it, but I've seen headlines that they're intentional. Oh, why? It's not actually the smoke in the air. It's fucking LSD. Project paperclip all over again.

A chemtrail kind of stuff. It's LSD. Wouldn't that open people's minds? That'd be pretty sweet. I don't know, man. I think it's just because the fucking trees are dry from a lack of moisture. Canada has a no-put-in-them-out policy. Yeah, really? We fight them here, and Canada's like, yeah, no. moisture. Canada has a no putting them out policy.

Yeah. Really? We fight them here and Canada's like, yeah, no, they just, they're like, there it goes. That's... How nature wanted it. How Canadians, is that your Canadian accent? Yeah. If it's like near a

city or something, probably, but like, I'm pretty sure their thing is like, just let it go. I like Native American Canadians a good character. I mean, they are. Yeah? The Inuit. Actually, they probably have a whole different accent going on. They're probably not even talking that much.

Inuit, are they silent? Are they silent people? They have what fucking letters look like. Pictures. Cave drawings. Hieroglyphics. Still on that shit. They're still using it. Inuits? What do letters look like. Pictures. Cave drawings. Hieroglyphics. Still on that shit. They're still using it.

Inuits? What do they look like? I don't even know. Sounds like you do. I don't know. I've seen it. Let's go around and name a Native American tribe each. Let's just each say one until we can't name any more.

Iroquois. Cherokee. Algonquin Apache Hopi Cree Illini Erie

Did someone already say Algonquin? Yeah Shit Oh no Oh the Delaware Okay yeah Yeah We don't know Comanche Oh, no. Oh, the Delaware? Okay, yeah. Yeah.

We don't know. Comanche. That one? Shawnee. Mm-hmm. Oh. Ottawa. I'm really showing my ass here.

The Susquehannock. You're just naming rivers. You're always just naming the rivers. Which might work. Yeah. Which might work. It probably will. Mohican.

The Pawnee. Belvedere. Windsor. Where was the Delaware? Delaware. Is there Blount? Probably. Yeah.

Okay, we did pretty good. We didn't even touch the Winnebago. Or the Lenape or the Navajo. The Navajo is like the biggest thing. Wind River? Who are they? Mohawk, yeah. Mohunk? See, we respect the tribes.

We respect the Native people. You are very respectful. We've always been respectful to them. We've been crazy respectful. No one's representing them either. They're representing themselves. A lot of teams used to. A lot of pro teams used to.

They don't have movies. They need sitcoms or reality shows. One sitcom was really good. Native American one? Yes, it was very funny. It was called The Rez. Really? Last year or the year before. It was genuinely very funny.

How are they in numbers as far as actors? Are there a lot of actors? The whole cast was, and I think it was written by Native Americans. It was really fucking funny. I hope I don't have the name of the show wrong. There's a lot of funny names. I binge-streamed it wherever it was. Wow.

Yeah. So you know it's good. The Rez. You know what else is good? High Noon. Man, do I love that stuff. High Noon, tequila seltzer. A premium hard seltzer.

And I had one last night. Went out to dinner, and to me, the perfect pregame is a High Noon. It sets your night going in the perfect direction, and it's like a neutral base. It's like putting on a white t-shirt. You can wear anything around it. It's going to launch your night into-shirt. You can wear anything around it. It's going to launch your night into an incredible way because it tastes so good and because there's no

malt in it. It's not going to give you that icky feeling. There's no gluten. So if you have an adversity to gluten, it's not a problem. It's only 100 calories, so you're going to feel slim and trim for beach season. And if you're enjoying your summer, if you're outside, if it's the 4th of July, if you're riding on a boat, pontoon boat perhaps, Kate? Does that sound nice? Let me tell you. I was just on one, and I was hankering for a Nooner. As soon as that pregnancy's over, let's get some high Noons tequilas.

How long do you wait? You could immediately, you can if you want to. I've seen some ladies have champagne in the hospital room. And as soon as that thing's out. Yes, it's the delicious drink. The drink of the season. I'd rather have a nooner. The drink of the season is what I call it.

It is the champagne of premium hard seltzers. And you can look for them on Drizzly or at your local convenience or liquor store. Or visit highnoonspirits.com to find some high noons near you man do i love them man do i love high noons deep down to my core most of my refrigerator at home is high noons and i pay for mine okay the wifey pays yeah that's the thing like you know uh chato jocinco only spent his endorsement money never you you've never spent a paycheck i've never spent my barstool money i'm only spending the wifey's money we're rolling in it about to go to south africa by the way the show is called

reservation dogs the reservation dogs yeah reservation dogs on hulu boys in my chat room are saying you lied about Canada letting them just burn. Yeah, they said we don't do that. What are we, inbreds? Fuck that shit. Tell them I saw a TikTok about this. I believe you. I still believe you.

I'm an expert now. There's no firefighters in Canada. I think the firefighters are tougher than cops. No one else? Yeah. Fuck. All right. Physically. Physically.

If it's a hockey game, I'm rooting for the firefighters, too. I got to say, I am. I play rooting for the firefighters. If I have to pick who I'm partying with, it's firefighters. A million times over. Who I'm going to a cookout with, firefighters. Most traumatic memories are from cops. Are they?

Yes. They aren't. That's from the cops. Are they? Yes. They aren't. That's from the clergy. Being arrested sucks. I can't think about the Monster Mash. What do you think the most parodied song in the world is? Damn. That's a good one.

What's a big... I mean, it's just got to be... Well, is it just the biggest song in general, or do you think some songs are more ripe to be parodied? Some are way more ripe to be parodied. That is a fucking good question, dude. It's Friday? I was about to just say Rhapsody, but I can't think of one parody of that.

That's a great call. Friday, people are going to fucking town on the parodies of Friday. It's Friday. That was right in like the prime of a parody song YouTube. Yes, it was like that's everybody's YouTube Yeah, a lot of people

were parodying. You look like a super hot DJ now. California Girls. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, California Girls was parodied. Did we work with anybody

that ever made a parody song? Jeff Lowe. Oh, had to. Oh, Jeff Lowe. I mean, Pop Punk. Oh, yeah, Pop Punk. Pop Punk is a ton of parody. Parody's nuts. A pair of these nuts.

What does this article say? They let it burn wild and free up there. I'm saying, your client. No, these aren't my clients. This is random people who have my number. This is Cedar. This is Cedar. This is Cedar Park.

This is Cedar Park. This is Cedar Park. This is Cedar. This is Cedar. This is Cedar Park. Our parents call us in before it gets too dark. This is Cedar. This is Cedar.

This is Cedar Park. This is Cedar Park. This is Cedar Park. This is Cedar. This is Cedar. This is Cedar Park. This is Cedar Park. This is Cedar Park. This is Cedar. This is Cedar. This is Cedar Park. Look at those eyebrows. Beautiful.

Looks like Eugene Levy. But when it comes to doing them, that's just not my game. I work at Golf Smith. That paper, yeah, I stack it. Oh, I love it. This is great. He has everything. He has his Yukon on.

He has his bracket. Oh, those are those sex-havers shorts. He has everything. He has his Yukon on. He has his bracket. Oh, those are those sex-havers shorts. Oh, yeah. Cleveland. For people that say he roots for... He's been the same way forever. He is him. He is himself.

That was a good one. That was funny. Great. It's timeless. Zucker. That was funny. Great. It's timeless. Zuckerberg's sister has a parody song. No. What is it? We're All Gonna Make It. Instead of We're Not

Gonna Take It. It's about crypto. Oh, God. How'd that work? Not well. So they're not gonna fight? I didn't know Mark Zuckerberg was 5'7". That's why he had to be rich. Why did I think he was tall? He's definitely...

Doesn't he have the body type of a tall person? He has the voice of a tall person. That might be it. The hell is the body type of a tall person? I just always looked at him and thought he was... Long limbs and torso. Built like a tall guy. You know what?

I feel like you only ever see photos of him alone. That might be it. Or on the ground grappling. He's on a paddle board. With his wife. Or with his wife who's very short. They all just grapple now? The testosterone slash steroids that they're all taking must be crazy.

You know that those boys are not biohacking. They are biohacking their asses off. And they definitely know their real age. You guys think you're younger or older than your real age? What's that mean? Oh, like you're... Whatever that fucking new stupid ass shit. Older.

Older. Much older. Interesting. Do you think you're older? I remember, like, whenever I see, like, 80s decor, I, like, get flashbacks to something. Wait, do you think you have an old soul? I have memories of the 80s in my head,

so I think I was born in 89 or 88. You think they just fucked up? Yes. Yes. Yes. You guys see that in South Korea? Everybody gained like a year today. What? What?

So apparently they changed, I don't know what it is, they changed the law and now the time that you're in your belly, you're in your mother's belly counts as one year. So everybody went like a year up in age, something like that. No way. Today? Pretty significant. It was like you're one when you're born, and then you age again when the year changes for the first time.

So if you were born on December 31st, you'd be two when you were three days old. So people's whole ass ages are changing? Yeah. I think they reverted it to the normal scale, so either people lost a couple years or gained a couple years. A couple? So I saw it.

Up to a couple. I don't know if it was parody. How I saw it is they were, I think it was like a FIFA rules thing that they were looking at the South Korea players. So are people reverting their ages or adding to their ages? Was it just for sports to make them? For adding. Well, that's how I saw it. That's how I saw it and then I looked into it.

How old is Jungkook or Rap Monster? So it was Yoo Ming Sung. It was the Tottenham guy. Yeah. Son is the one that they were using. South Koreans become a year or two younger.

So they're a year old when they're born and a year is added every January 1st. So if you were born on December 31st last year, by January 2nd, you'd be two.

Wait, but... So they gave everyone the same birthday. It's just their age changes on January 1st. Do they have a big party? Do they celebrate birthdays? They don't all have the same birthday. Their birthday is their

birthday, but your year is the year that you're born in. You count from the number of years you've lived in. That's a weird thing. Are they just trying to get a higher life expectancy? What was the reason? Can I judge the data? If you had the option to be only two years younger by number,

would you take it? Yeah. I'd say no, because then everybody would be like, you're an old ass. For that age, you seem a lot older. Like, I don't want that. Yeah, women wouldn't do that. No.

I'd rather... Women wouldn't take a year's younger? Women wouldn't want to be... say that their number is younger than it actually is. I'd rather my age be 50, but I'm me right now. People would be like, oh my God, you're a young 50. Look at you.

No, I think people would want to be like, no, I'm actually like 28, not 30 But it's never good when people think you're much older What? Yes Women want to look young and as good as possible Why would women lie about their age then? Women aren't lying saying they're younger than they are Oh yes

Sure, what are you talking about? Are they? I think I'm right, still Ask your chat How old do you guys think I am? 25 think I'm right still. Ask your chat. How old do you guys think I am? 25? 25, 26. Or do you want it to be the other way?

See, I feel like that would have normally been the complimentary thing to say, but in your math, you want me to be like you're 65. I would guess 75, yeah. Not what I would say. They would want. That's what Kate would want. Kate would want to be called 75? No.

No, that is what I'm saying. But then you'd be like, damn, Kate for a 75-year-old. That's what they want, is what I'm saying. Yeah, but then they're just like, Kate needs to chill out with 75. Still got it.

Explain that. Yeah, this is Cedar Park. Now that's in my head it got the monster mash all the way the fuck out of there uh we can get it back in i don't think so not that graveyard smash we'll say great my hair is like going gray and i feel like i'm not there yet and so that like every time i dye it and cover it i feel much better i'm not the kind of person who normally cares about like, obviously, but that is like... For anyone who's gray, if you know what I'm talking about.

We don't notice. We don't notice or care. I'm going gray. You're going gray? The sides of my head are half gray. You look like Mr. Fantastic. That'll be distinguished. Same to you. Guy's with salt and pepper.

My face looks like I'm 15 so yeah you're an enigma you look like Nev Schulman's assistant I used to have such a crush on that is who's that

dude from Capcom the other guy from Capcom yeah who is the other guy I don't know man I Uncle Ty Pennington no what was his name Who is the other guy? I don't know, man. I? Uncle Matt. Ty Pennington? No.

What was his name? What was his name? Was it Craig Kilbourne who had the gray strip? Or he used to do talk soup? Oh. Remember the girl from Joan of Arcadia? Oh, yeah. Yes.

It's him. Max Joseph. He really embraced it. He really. Looks good on him. Matt McCus really embraced it. He really. Looks good on him. Matt McCusker has it. Nathan Fielder. Yeah.

Yeah. He's real gray. Yeah. I fucking love it. Anderson Cooper's fine ass. Mm-hmm. Over Fox's. The product of nepotism.

Yeah. Yeah. The brokest of all the Vanderbilts. Only $7 million to their name. My heart goes out to them. He only eats one item, I think. Anderson Cooper? No.

It's the other guy that only eats pork chops. No. It's the NFL announcer. I think he only has pork chops. That's weird. Were you just guessing? No, I think it's the NFL announcer. I think he only has pork chops. No. That's weird. Were you just guessing? I read that Anderson Cooper has a weird relationship.

Shout out to Stephen Che. Appreciate you, brother. So I knew Che got it worse than I thought with his tweet. Are you thinking about Mel Kiper? Because he has like a very weird diet. They always talk about it on part of my take. He eats four apple pies a week or some shit like that?

Or multiple pumpkin pies a week? Zaw, what type of ice cream bars are you eating, Zaw? Good humor. And how many? It depends. What's your peak consumption? Oh, peak. If I'm going for two full boxes, a box has six of them. In what time period?

That's a day. That's like on a Saturday. Oh, a day? Is that the only thing you have? No. So I have stuff around. Bro, which one is this? Strawberry ones are so fire.

So good. Oreo. Oreo? Oreo, chocolate. Strawberry, I think, is the OG. Wait, I want to try these Oh my god You never had these?

No You never had the strawberries? I get high Those ones That's money I get high on a Saturday I can crush two boxes of those Yeah those are great

But my stomach kills me the next day It's it's No shit Dude You're shocked Nah I put my body through hell. For the mouth feel. What's the longest bender you've had?

Like, if you've had these every day. Ooh, these? I can't do these back. You need the day off, man. Yeah. Let the body reset. Yeah, you can't, man. They, like, legit light me up.

But they're so fucking good. The strawberry one, when you bite into the strawberry one, the three textures that you get right away is one of the most elusive. Do they have them at Twainery? We get them right now. They lock their ice cream up, though. They lock everything up. I only buy travel

sized deodorant now because I'm too fucking self-conscious to hit the button to the deodorant aisle. It's not someone's job to do that all day. To go around to open it up. But you're still too self-conscious. Hilarious. This dude fucking stinks. I only do travel sized stuff.

That's so fucking funny. Cooper said he thinks eating is a waste of time. Cooper has apparently caught on to Soylent. So, yeah. Soylent guys are crazy. What is that? It's like a meal replacement, but it's the nastiest one.

He's trying to replace all food with Soylent. Huel guys are cool, though. What's Huel? Huel is human fuel. Is it the same thing? Yeah. Dudes, they'll say how long it's been since they've had solid foods. It's almost like AA. fuel. Is it the same thing? Yeah. They'll say how long it's been since they've had solid foods. It's almost like AA.

You get a chip. Everything's a smoothie in your life? When I was living in Los Angeles, a 12-pack of Soylent accidentally got delivered to me for the previous tenant or whatever, so I drank them. And it's like

drinking a piece of paper. It's so bland, previous tenant or whatever. So I drank them and it's like drinking a piece of paper. It's like so bland, thin, and plain. But I don't know. I think I'd like it. Yeah, honestly, maybe you would. Aren't you always hungry feeling then? Eating is a waste of time. Come on.

It's my favorite thing. You'll say that in two weeks. Yeah, yeah. Eating is one of the greatest joys. I mean, it is like fasting and all that shit is obviously healthy for you. And as Ben Franklin said, lessen thy meals, lengthen thy life. But I think that it's still one of it's not a waste of time. Isn't Ben Franklin a fatso?

Yes. I mean, do as he said. That dude was just spitting out phrases, dude. He used to have people over and electrocute turkeys in his backyard. Really? Yeah. When they got electricity going, he's like, everybody come over and check this out. He was also an air dryer.

He would just be ass naked in his backyard and he'd walk around in circles until he was dry. He was a turkey guy. He wanted the turkey to be our national bird. Yeah, he was a big turkey guy. He was big on turkeys. I hate turkeys. I'm glad that he lost that argument, though. Yeah, it would be embarrassing.

We've got to stop respecting people across the board who are great at one thing. What do you mean? You know. Like, just give me an example, though. One who's amazing at one thing, we've got to stop treating them as elite humans. They need to prove that they're good at a bunch of things

they are probably lacking the most. Right. Like Ben Franklin was good at a bunch of shit, though. The last master of all trades are Boilermakers. What? Boilermakers. You always want one in your crew. They know how to do everything.

I don't know if that's true. I'm going to take your word for it, though. Master of all trades, Boilermaker. I want to drink a Boilermaker. What is that, a beer and a shot? Yeah, I don't know. Drop a shot in a fucking Guinness or some shit dumpster? That's a car bomb.

What the fuck is a Boilermaker, then? I actually don't know. What is a... Hey, you could have ailermaker, then? I actually don't know. What is a... Hey, you could have a drink, though, right? You could have, like, one Car Bomb. You could have one Car Bomb. I have a couple. Everybody's like, you can have wine, you can whatever.

But what if your one drink was, like, a white Russian? Yeah, yeah. Like, heavy and gross. Tennessee. A shot of liquor, usually whiskey, served alongside a beer. White Russian. Yeah, yeah. Like heavy and gross. Tennessee. A shot of liquor, usually whiskey, served alongside a beer. You just don't drop it out. Oh, it's like a Citywide. Yeah, that's a Citywide.

We call that a Citywide. A Citywide? I've never heard of that. It's like a Citywide special. You can get it in any restaurant. It's usually like a PBR and well whiskey and it's $5 or something. Five bucks, yeah. For people to just get shit-faced

and feel like Zaha does after a box of good humor. I love that. That's my favorite tweet ever. That right there. What? Zaha will tweet that photo in the mornings. It's been a while. It's been a while since we've had one of these.

Nah, nah, bro, don't say that. You're overdue. Don't put that on my name. Nah. Fourth of July. Nah, we'll be having this that. You're over deal. 4th of July. Nah, we'll be having it. Probably coming up on a Jersey brunch. No, actually I just

missed the last one. The one for June was last, when was the 25th? Were you at the Classic or something? No, it was this past weekend. 25th, Saturday. So Zaw, you got to host your nephew coming into town? Yeah, man. It's a lot of pressure? Yeah. It's a lot of pressure.

Yeah, it's a lot of pressure. What do you have ready for him? What the hell? What is this? It's brunch. It's brunch. What the fuck? Are you missing it?

What the fuck? Yes, sir. What the fuck? Cash? Hundo. Those are hundo? Benjamin Franklin. We didn't react appropriately to this at first.

When did this come out? This is amazing. When did this come out? Were you not here that day? It was like a month and a half ago. What the fuck's up? I could not have imagined you were eclipsed as they were dragging you out. I could not have imagined who that was, dude.

I thought it was going to be Leonardo DiCaprio or Kylie Jenner. Yeah, look at this. I thought it was going to be like DiCaprio or Kylie Jenner. Yeah, look at this. I thought it was going to be like fucking a baby or something. I'm going into brunch, man. Ron, do you know who he was there with? Who? Danny. Yes, take a look.

Oh, there we go. My bad. Security guard. Oh, I thought you meant Jackal. Yeah. God damn, you're crazy. Security guard Danny lives the best and craziest life. I want to come back as him.

He's about to go on like a Europe swing. Yeah. Yeah, I can't keep up with him. He's a beast. He's doing it in Europe. Fuck it. Yeah. You're about to have a fuck fest.

God damn. He's just a G, bro. He's just, I can't get enough of him. He doesn't know if he's, he might be out to Chicago. He's like, whatever you need. That'd be awesome. Actually, if you guys can help me out with that. So my nephew's coming in, one snack recommendation.

I went to, so I did the Costco one. Their variety is not as big. Snacks? What do you mean snack? Like an hors d'oeuvre? How old is your uncle? He's nine years old. Nine years old.

Eight years old. Like the messy. Definitely gushers. A lot of people are saying Uncrustables. I think they're rolled up. You have an oven? So this is what I have so far.

Oh, that's enough. I think you got to get the little wiener cocktail wieners, like the rolled up ones. Oh, I love Fun Uncles. Where are you taking them? Those are fire. Okay. You can order them from Auntie Anne's, too, though.

Okay. You order them from this. Pizza rolls, too? Yeah, pizza rolls. Or some shit like that. Throw it in the microwave. I like bagel bites a little bit more. I hope Burn his mouth all knows what he knows, though.

Since you have the graham crackers, you should get a marshmallow chocolate. I make them in my oven, and they're, like, so good. You could be like, this is a weird American. Where are you taking them? So I was thinking, so they're coming in on Saturday through Tuesday morning. I was thinking Saturday we do the open tour, the New York open tour bus thing. And, of course, we'll take it nice and slow because, I mean, he's young and all that. That will probably kill the whole day.

I was thinking I was going to try Butter Up Tyler today to see if I can get to the top of the Empire State. That would be awesome. And then... A ferry ride

would be fun, too, because that is cheap as hell and it feels like you're, like, doing something. Like, you could literally just cross up and come back down. So I was doing

Staten Island Ferry to go see the Statue of Liberty. Right. Or Circle Line. Nine-year-olds, are they like the M&M's store? That, too. Times Square.

Or like Chelsea Piers. Times Square and all that. American Girl. So I had suggested, dude, I had suggested going to like fucking, what's it called? Six Flags and all. But they live in Florida, so they have Disney. Yeah. Oh, okay.

So that's why he was like, he wants more something New York-y, New York-y. So I went the traditional stimulating look at stuff in New York. Video games? That, yep. Just bulked up on. He'll have more than enough. He'll be plenty content. Bulked up on PS5 games, spent about, what, $200, $300?

How long is he staying? God damn, Zod. Just for four days. Oh, he's fine. So I have his mother. His mother's Jamaican. Her brother, he also spoils the living shit out of them when they go out to Kingston. Oh, so you're going to return the favor.

That's what I'm saying. That's why I'm going hard. I love competition with him. That'll be fire. But you'll probably tire him out. I mean, you know what I mean? A kid will get tired and grumpy, and you'll probably tire him out. I mean, you know what I mean? A kid will get tired and grumpy

and you'll probably just want to run him through some stuff, get him some rest. Even if you just let him stay up real late eating junk food, that's like the best.

But I'm excited though. Yeah, like that was when I would go over my aunt's house when I was really young, like watching a bunch of movies, staying up late as fuck

and just eating like pizza. That was it. Seeing South Park for the first time. That shit was it. Oh yeah. And Grand Theft Auto for the first time. It wasn't a lot. I had to play it on mute,

but I got my first pair of boxers from my aunt. That was a mature gift, yeah. They had paisleys. Like a bra for a girl. Yeah. You're getting boxers. Stuffed.

You're not ready for boxers. Your dick's not big enough. Yeah. Yeah, and that was hard to hear as a kid Rock hard to hear I love NASCAR I just want to talk about it real quick You should

You mind if I do? Please do Coincidentally They're a sponsor of today's show No Is that true? Yeah but still go on No I was just talking off the top of my head

Don't even worry about this Say the ad first Yeah I mean I guess damn i didn't even see this that it really is oh the chicago street race is this weekend i mean i knew that but that's crazy that we're also sponsored by them and uh if you're out in shy town you know there's some some of our co-workers already out there spiders facetime back every day pfts out there the making monies are out there i strongly recommend to all of them to go to the chicago street race on the second kick off your fourth of july weekend right with some nascar we love it and everybody was down in nashville this past weekend it looked like the absolute time of their life.

And you can have the time of your life if you get out there for 100 laps of NASCAR Cup Series inaugural Grant Park 220, which is on Sunday, July 2nd. Drivers are going to be tested on an unprecedented 12-turn Chicago street course that runs through the iconic Grant Park. And there's a two-day musical festival. Man, Chicago does it right. Charlie Crockett. Miranda Lambert.

The Black Crows and Chainsmokers. Man, that's going to be a heck of a weekend. And it's always a heck of a time with NASCAR. Get out to the Chicago Street Race on July 2nd, 530. Or you can watch it on NBC. Really enjoy yourself.

Man, are you guys ever going to go to the Botanical Gardens in Chicago? Oh, yeah. All the time. Really? Are we sponsored by them? No, this is just off. I probably wouldn't do that. Really?

Go to the ones in the Bronx. I used to volunteer at those Chicago Botanical Gardens in the summer times when I was growing up. You would just live in Chicago? Yeah. My grandmom lived up there and she was always volunteering there so she would just

bring us to also volunteer at those Botanical Gardens. How did you like it? I would trim the shrubberies of the exotic plants. If there were dead leaves, you kind of pluck them out. It was very, very boring as a young boy, but now I'll go back.

Yeah. Put a good song on. I can enjoy the fuck out of myself. I love a botanic garden, and I love an arboretum. You love being high. What is an arboretum. You love being high. What is an arboretum? Trees, man.

Arboretums are trees? Now that I smoke, I might be into that. You would. I think I would. Bro, I'm telling you, just looking at some exotic plants, some weird shit, you go into the indoor terrariums, but even just walking around, and they always have a good restaurant and a place like that. They might serve you cafeteria style, which I do not support, unless it's a barbecue place.

That's the only place I want to get served. Why don't you like that? Cafeteria style? Yeah. I'm not trying to get my shit on a tray. I want someone to bring it out to me, even if it's real quick, like at West Elm or Westville. Westville, yeah. I get that a lot.

Westville could easily be a buffet. Yeah. I just started a lot. Westville could easily be a buffet. Yeah. I just started The Bear. Season one? What is it on? Hulu. It's a good show. It kind of made me definitely anxious a little bit.

That's the whole premise. It'll make you anxious. The acting is phenomenal. From what people say it, but I agree. Why does it make you anxious? It makes you on edge. I design. Busy restaurant life is stressful anyway.

Oh, wait. Are they the ones that did Uncut Gems? No. Well, it's the same vibe. It's not the same people that did it. Oh, like the Safi brothers. I understand. Are you going to congratulate me? Congratulationsdie brothers. I understand. I understand. Yeah. Oh, you're going to congratulate me?

Congratulations, Nick. Thank you. Pal Torres. Oh, yes. Big signing. Big signing. That shores up your defense. Mm-hmm.

I was like, wait, what the fuck am I congratulating you for? Wow. Yeah, I could, I, I'm going to go party after this. Such a big signing.

Yeah. Damn, I can't believe they could afford him. I mean, that was your manager's former player. Yeah. You're low-key wearing the Villa colors right now. Low, low-key. Shit's on purpose. I know you meant it to do that.

I do a lot of subtle things. Like the Winnipeg Golden Eyes. Who are they? Don't know. Has anyone been to Winnipeg? I don't even know where it is, to be honest. You've been to Winnipeg? My aunt lives there.

Your aunt lives there? So, little fun fact, outside of Manila, apparently they have the second biggest, well, the biggest population of Filipinos outside of the Philippines. So it's a swaggy-ass town. Nope. A whole lot of nothing. It is boring as fuck. You think Filipinos are swaggy? I love facts like that.

There's a lot of X nationality in this X place that doesn't make sense. It's a shit ton of Filipinos, and it makes no sense. Not to talk shit on the Filipinos, but I think that of the Asian countries, I think that South Korea may be a little bit swaggier than the Filipinos. Wrong. And Japan might be. Swaggier. They have financial advantages.

They have the financials, but the Filipinos are the swaggiest. They'll make a dollar out of 15 cents for sure. They'll stretch their swagginess. But maybe I'll put Filipinos at third. I'm happy to put Filipinos at third. Or, I mean, I gotta get to fucking Bangkok. You gotta. Yeah.

We should do one of our special shows in Bangkok. Yeah. It's not a bad idea. Wouldn't that be fucking sick? Kate floated the idea of tubing. I did. A figure. I did not mean to do that. I wanted to bring up the ad because Little Sass is just in one of the

ads. And I fully believe it's him. He's in one of the what? Tube ads. But picture us doing an episode where we He's in one of the what? Tube ads. But picture us doing an episode where we're all in a circle. There's usually eight seats on those big tubes. And we just do an episode, but we're on a river. There's a ton of electronics that go into this.

And it has to be plugged into the internet. We can't float away. I love the idea, but we'd have to get it in an indoor wave pool or something like that and be stationary with the illusion of us moving or there's one right across the river how how how are we going to get across the river that middle guy is sass wait just picture us doing an episode what's he doing look jay's the one that pointed out he noticed immediately

that is sass are these oh my god there's something like the guy on the left looks a little derpy yeah he's jacked

the guy on the right I can't stop looking at him his look at I mean look at the back of his shoulder like the back of his arm as it connects to his lat yeah look at the stri of his shoulder, like the back of his arm as it connects to his lat.

Yeah. Look at the striations on his upper top lat. Oh, my God. How many people were on this thing? Five. Five? So who is the odd man out? Me.

Sass. No, no, no. Who ain't getting play? I think that's one big glamorous couple. Middle guy, the fresh-faced guy always does well. Always. I think it's left. Right.

No, right. No, no, no. Left. Trust me. I think the Jack guy is there trying to get extra. He's trying to bring something home for himself. Yeah. We need some more girls in here. We need some more girls in here.

We need some more girls in here. Fourth of July merch available now at store.barstoolsports.com. Don't even forget that. That's not even an ad we have, but I just wanted to remind the fucking people. You will not get in in time now, though, right? Oh, no. But, I mean, this is the kind of merch that you want to wear all summer long. Yeah, it's fine.

It's fine to rep the U.S. of A. Fourth of July is kind of like a whole week now, you know what I mean, this is the kind of merch that you want to wear all summer long. Yeah, it's fine. It's fine to rep the U.S. of A. Fourth of July is kind of like a whole week now. You know what I mean? Fourth of July is like Ramadan. It's like the beginning of a season. I used to go pick out my outfit specifically Fourth of July in high school at Rue 21. And by high school, I mean college. You guys remember Rue 21?

What was it? Yeah, I thought that was girls. It was like H&M. I thought that was for girls. They had a really good cologne. They did. They had a guy's section. It was like H&M.

Rue 21 black. Oh, I never went there. You weren't swaggy enough. That's not true. Don't say that to him. He was swaggy. You were swaggy, KB. Definitely was.

Should we spin the wheel? Maybe play a quick sporkle? Why not? I got a combo. I got a streak. I know. We need to unseat. Unseat me.

That's all I ask. We need to unseat Kyle. We used to do a tight hour. I know. Now it feels rushed. It kind of felt long. Yeah. No. Too many men. Too many, many men. I know Now it feels rushed It kind of felt long Yeah No

Too many men Too many many men Alright That's one drag gone Went to a restaurant last night Called Monkey Bar I've heard of it It's supposed to be fun

It was great Oh it was It was incredible What did you get? What type of food? I don't usually like to indulge in the state. I don't like to overdo the red meat. I like to get meat, but not red

usually, but I got a New York strip last night. There was no fish on the menu. No, they had a salmon, which, I mean, I'm not getting summertime salmon. I don't even care if it's Atlantic. I'm not getting salmon in the summertime. And then there was a miso-glazed cod, which could have been nice.

I could have enjoyed it. It could have been delicious, but I was between the two. Is that your phone, bro? Yeah, Spectrum keeps calling me. I'm not paying. Oh, wait. I keep getting called. I think I won a $500 gift card to Trader Joe's when I submitted my name at the Hell's Kitchen Food Festival.

What? Yeah. How much? I got 500 big ones. Damn. They have good ice cream snacks. Trader Joe's. They got the best cookies in the game.

I don't think I've ever shopped at a Trader Joe's. If you do, they got a bucket of mini crispy oatmeal cookies. You will eat the entire bucket in one sitting. About $500 worth. Yes. Hey, Trader Joe's, you walk in and you're like,

how is this everything? Yeah. I feel like it's just all laid out in little farm stands, but sure enough, they have everything. And it makes you wonder

what the fuck every other... They're coming up with new flavors and tastes. Yeah, which is how it should be. We hit're coming up with new flavors and tastes. Yeah. Which is how it should be. Like, we hit a governor on the new flavors and tastes that are hitting your average supermarket, and, like, we need to be finding, like, more Gorgonzolas and shit.

Yeah. You guys like Gorgonzola? Yeah. I think so. I think. I think. Side note, quick congratulations to Captain Kahn's, whose daughter was born this morning.

Oh! Yay! When? Today? This morning Young lady's going to have a firm handshake That I know She really is She's going to snap a bottle in half Just by squeezing it

Happy for them That's fantastic news Happy for them as a couple They got to it When did they get married? Last year That's fantastic news. I know. Happy for them as a couple. I know. Girl, dad. They got to it. They got married. They got to it. They did. When did they get married?

Last year. My son's first birthday was 2022. What? They got married. Oh, yeah. They're fucking. Yeah. They're fucking.

Congrats. Aw. Look at the grip strength. I'm telling you. Look at that grip strength. She's giving a good handshake. She's white knuckling him already. Yeah.

He said he was wearing a West Point shirt, so she had a good first impression. She throws up all over him. Yeah. She's a Navy girl. Congrats. Oh, yes. Congrats to him. That's fantastic news.

What a great joy. Well, amazing that he's just experiencing the best day of his life right now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Exciting. This is a day we'll right now. Yeah. It's exciting. This is a day we'll all forget. Unless one of us dies.

And we'll probably all remember. We'll remember that day then. We're just like, something catastrophic. Some national tragedy. Some type of catastrophic shit. Shit. Big Reed.

Big Reed. Young Reed, Southwest representative. Philly, Philly, Philly. I'm stepping up to the center with that all black beretta, bro. Let me put some lead in you. And I got the blade, too. The one that wasn't a predator. Is that Joe Budden? Three dollars, bro.

I'll be with whatever, bro. Grinding, etc. And I got the blades, too. I gotta get my cheddar up. That's fire. Sick, dude. It's the best rap of all time. Let's play a Sporkle. Yeah. Alright. Think anybody's ever fucked to the Monster Mash?

Yes, absolutely. 62 they said, I thought. Because people, Halloween parties. Before we get to it, let me turn something on. Primo. It was all in a flash.

What do we have here? Okay, okay. One president to acquire the most land in U.S. history. Two original tennis players in the Battle of the Sexes. Three main ingredients for an old-fashioned. Four kings of comedy.

Five resources in Settlers of Catan. Three boxers to beat Mike Tyson in a professional fight. Seven Judd Apatow movies with Jonah Hill. Eight Ivy League schools. Ten top fruits sold in the U.S. in 2022. Fourteen Lil Wayne studio albums. 14? I'm out of here. I'm out of here.

We're about to get cooked. All right, this is going to be embarrassing. AB, it always starts with you, brother, because you're- I don't know one, I don't know two, three main ingredients for an old-fashioned- Is he going to be able to defend the title? I think I know. I think it's Rye. Show us Rye.

Bourbon. Oh, it's not? I mean Rye Bourbon. They would have had to take anything. Let's go University of Pennsylvania. All right, for the Ivy League schools, I'll stick with that. I'll go Yale. Brown.

Cornell. Harvard. Harvard. Princeton. Harvard Princeton Apples I'm all out of Dartmouth Bananas It's gotta be number one right

yeah when bananas were initially pitched to the US they said it's as filling as bread and as sweet as cream yeah that's kind of fun fact yeah

um I will go... Clear the IVs. No, because I don't know the last one. Do I? You do. Yeah, let's go with orange. What? Oh, thank God.

Oh, my God. Grapes. I always see them. Columbia. Oh, Columbia. Yeah. Let's go Buster Douglas. I didn't know that.

I'll go Bernie Mac. Yeah. You lost to Tyson? Yeah. Knocked up. I think he's in the friend group strawberries I forgot about strawberries Cedric the entertainer

you're good super bad movies movies i think i might be i'm just looking at the listing up close again i'm not looking at answers sorry i know this sucks to listen to. What are some fruits? Kiwis? Kiwis are

a niche. There's no way. Alright. Blueberries. Oh, God. We go through so many berries in my house now. This is the end. Oh, is that not...

I'm such a fucking idiot. I was thinking Pineapple Express, but that's not Judd Apatow either. And he's Jonah Hill's friend, not even in that. Oh, yeah, what are these five other movies? I don't know. No idea. I'm just going to stick with the fruits. Go watermelon.

Melons? All melons? Mm-hmm. Because watermelons are an American fruit, right? Or I guess we just grow them here. The Carter. Let's go with lemon. What?

Lemons. Ah. Oh. Live to see another day. Carter 2. Come on, Nick. I have to unseat him. I'll go with the Carter 3. There you go, Nick. Bitters.

Why wouldn't I just say bitters? Stone. Oh, you know these? I don't think I do. Stones? Fuck. No, I don't really play Catan. Catan.

I think I'm out. Ah, Little Wayne. I think I know. Okay, I'm not done. Oh, you got it? No, I'm out Little Wayne I think I know Okay I'm not done Oh you got it? No I'm out But I mean if you missed it Yeah I'm trying to think if Mixed

Pineapple That might not be it Yes pineapples No We're back Nick's back in Clay Fuck I need Yes, pineapples. No. We're back. He's back in. Clay.

Fuck! There's like weird dual names for some of these things, I think. Oh, fuck. Okay. Out again. Say Jonah Hill movie. I can't think of any. Stupid.

Richard Pryor. Richard Pryor? Is that a king of comedy? I don't know. Jesus Christ. I keep trying to go back to... It's way worse than just losing. I'm going to try to go back to... I think you worse than just losing. I want to try to go back to... I think you won already because you went first,

and I missed on second, so... We're going to change the rules just so Dick has a chance to win this. Like, oxen? I know there's some sort of... Fuck! You're literally so close. On all of these?

What about the Battle of the Sexes? Please. You're literally so close On all of these? What about the Battle of the Sexes? No, just say it Guess a Jonah Hill movie Vanderholy Field There you go Twice Is fucking wood one of them in Settlers? So you said

What did you say? Stone? Stone, clay, and oxen And you said ore And you said clay, I'm pretty sure it's bricks And you said oxen and sheep Or wool There it is, KB Four in a row And you said clay, I'm pretty sure it's bricks. And you said oxen, it's sheep or wool. There it is, KB. Four in a row.

In a row, but it ends now. 40-year-old virgin. Funny people get into the Greek. I didn't know Jonah Hill was in the book. Oh, the Carter four. Avocados and peaches. And five. That's, yeah.

I didn't know there were so many Carters. Oh, the block is hot. I tell people he's my favorite rapper. You're allowed. Billie Jean King and Bobby Riggs. James Knox Polk. All right. One more.

We got to do one. We're knocking them off. We got to do one more. That was a tough one. We got to do one more. That one left a terrible taste in my mouth. Disgusting. Okay.

Here's one more. Ken. Read those off. One universal donor type. Two teams that were swept in the 2023 playoffs. Name of the three Stooges. Four Beatles members. Five largest tech companies by market cap.

Six countries bordering the Red Sea. Seven SEC football programs with an all-time winning percentage above 500. The eight most watched Olympic sports. The top nine most used spices slash seasonings seasonings in the United States and Steve Carell's 10 films by IMDb

score his top 10 films by IMDb score. Smartest guy in the office. Go ahead. Larry Curly Curly Clear it with Mo Paul McCartney

Ringo Starr R Two R's Ringo Starr. R. Two R's. John Lennon. George Harrison. Jerusalem. What? The Red Sea, right?

The country's cake. Israel is what I meant, and I think everyone knows that. Because Jerusalem's on the Red Sea. Apple. Can we just put Israel? Israel didn't come up either. Yeah. Apple. That's fine. That's why I'm not on the dozen. That's fine. Israel didn't come up either. Apple.

That's fine. That's why I'm not on the dozen. That's fine. Google. Damn. Microsoft. What C am I thinking of? I'm sorry.

Go ahead, KB. Alabama. Alabama. Georgia. Kate, you're thinking of the Dead Sea. Oh, god damn it. The salty, yeah, that's a salty one. The Lakers. The Lakers. Auburn 100 meter dash

Or is it just track Athletics. Sports. Track and field. Salt. Swimming. Pepper. Basketball. Gymnastics. That's the most watched, if in order. 40-year-old virgin. 40-year-old virgin.

Despicable me. Egypt. Oregano. Oregano. Oregano. Barely. Spices, seasonings. Basil. Fuck. basil fuck sorry the way

way back soccer Saudi Arabia. Adam Verona's up. Tennessee. Tennessee. Yemen. Rosemary? Rosemary? God damn it. God damn it God damn it

The Big Short Fuck you dude South Carolina Fuck I don't know the countries Fuck you, dude. Man. South Carolina. Fuck. I don't know the countries. I should... No? Okay.

Definitely don't know. Oh. Oh. Florida. Good call. Africa. Good call. Florida.

Kentucky. Kentucky. Ole Miss. One of the Mississippis, Kentucky. Ole Miss. One of the Mississippis, probably. No. Garlic powder. Shit. I just... I said fucking basil.

Sudan. Eritrea. LSU. God damn it. Volleyball's a lie. Tennis, volleyball, martial arts. Onion powder, cinnamon, chili powder, cumin. Little Miss Sunshine.

Crazy Stupid Love. Beautiful Bowl. I was going to say this, but it was me. There's mayonnaise on that list. Yeah. Mayonnaise. It's a little too spicy for some folk. I've been on a big mayonnaise kick.

O negative. KB, smartest guy in the office. Five in a row. I didn't say that. Five in a row for KB. Smartest guy. Strongest guy. Could do the most push-ups with claps in between them.

The protocol is working. He's becoming perfect in front of our eyes. He's texting them boys right now. Yeah, I love to hear it. They love to hear it. They're gassing him. He's gassing them. I ain't gassing them.

They don't deserve it. You shouldn't be allowed to be close to the TV anymore. We need to swing it with a donut. You're going to be smart. You better get glasses, nerd. Dork. That's why I don't get smart because I want to call KB a nerd.

Don't always work. Smartest guy in the office and he's yakking. You guys in tomorrow? Is tomorrow's Friday? Tomorrow's Friday. I don't think I am in tomorrow. Oh yeah Tomorrow's Friday? Yeah Tomorrow's Friday Okay I don't think I am in tomorrow actually Going into a good weekend?

You hitting the beach early? I'm hitting the beach early You should Fuck it I'll come too I've been trying to invite you Huh? I've been trying to invite you I'm going

Hear me out We do the show from the tube Bay I'm the CI in Ludlam Bay in Seattle City Ludlam Bay sounds great let's do it shout out to my grandma trying to get pummeled by a wave

and real sunburned fuck yeah bro hey see you guys tomorrow I'll see you. See you. Bye.