The Yak - It's Time to Read Some Arousing Sci-Fi Novels | The Yak 9-26-23

Episode Date: September 26, 2023

She got roachesYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. It's the Yak. It's the Yak. Get your straws yak style. Yo, TJ, pull that up. It's the Yak. It's the Yak. It's the Yak.

Hey. Yeah, it's time to talk shop. We're doing Yankees. Hey, fellas. It's the Yak, sponsored by Roback. Roback.com. Promo code Yak. 20% off your first purchase.

Tell them about the Q-Zips. Q-Zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts. Roback.com. Promo code Yak. 20% off your first purchase. Hello, everyone. I look too big right here. I'd like to switch.

You look like a big boy. No, you look great. I look too big right here. No, you look great. That's how they filmed Lord of the Rings. No CGI. Gandalf was closer than Frodo. Really?

Yeah. Well, there was some CGI. Of course, for the orcs. Sure. And a lot of the other stuff. Really? Yeah. Well, there was some CGI. Of course, for the orcs. Sure. And a lot of the other stuff. Magic and flames. The eye on top of the mountain was CGI. Sauron.

Yeah. Yeah. He wasn't on a mountain. Yeah. He was on the tower himself. It was Mount Doom. Well, but the eye on the tower is what I'm talking about. You're going to get made fun of so hard.

That was CGI. That wasn't a real eye. It was not a real eye. No. It kind of looked like a pussy. How many Lord of the Rings are there? Three. There's three in that trilogy, but there's the Hobbit trilogy as well, which wasn't good. But that's not Lord of the Rings.

That's the Hobbit trilogy. Is that a thing? They say they didn't use CGI on those movies? No, it was way more practical. They went to New Zealand instead of doing green screens, and a lot of the orcs were makeup. And it showed. What? No. instead of doing green screens. A lot of the orcs were makeup. Well. It showed.

What? No. Kyle thinks he's like. No, no, it's not funny. Go ahead, Kyle. Because you're encouraging it. He thinks he's the orc expert. I'm exhausted. I don't have the energy.

Whatever, man. Speak it. Speak your mind, brother. Get off your chest, bro. I mean, if you did have the energy, what would you say about it? About orcs? Yeah. Nick has a fundamental misunderstanding about their genus.

Oh. What's his misunderstanding? Nick, what do you think they are? I typically think orcs are brutish savages. Can we see an orc? I've never seen the movie. You're going to probably see a Hollywood depiction of an orc But go ahead

Oh not the real thing Yeah if you want a google image Yeah fine Orcs are not real things though They are Hollywood depictions because they're Hollywood creation That does look brutish to me It's a brutish savage What do you think their genus is?

Well it's a lot more convoluted than this Okay So do you think that's real? Would you fuck an orc? Well, it's a lot more convoluted than this. Okay. Do you think that's real? Would you fuck an orc? That's a hot orc. Wait. Fantasy monster romance?

Let's look up more Sue Mercury book covers. This might be a thing for me. Sue Mercury. The Orc Guardian series, huh? God damn. The orc looks like a dude that Danny Jackal would prank. Yeah. You like my bush? Yeah, you want to go fuck?

Look over there. Alien. Alien. Where's treasure? Mythical creatures that fuck. Kyle, you need to- I'm trying to get on a Sue Mercury cover. Yeah, I want to be painted iridescent purple.

Can we see Sue Mercury, please? She's horny. She's hot. I bet she's never sewn her face. Oh, my God. I'm going to go with not stacked. I'm going to say she's not a woman. Sue Mercury?

No, it's a dude for sure. You think it's a dude? Yeah. Sue Mercury is not a real person. It's a group of dudes. Oh. Whoa. No, that's okay.

That's not Sue Mercury. Okay. That's Sue Mercury. Okay, Sue Mercury is not a real person. It's a group of dudes. Oh. Oh. Whoa. No, that's okay. That's not Sue Mercury. Okay. That's Sue Mercury. Okay, Sue Mercury. Ruff, ruff, ruff. Sue Linden. Oh, it's Sue Linden. Look at the cover.

Oh, I have a giant alien. You have an alien? If I was doing this, I would have never left graphic design. Holy shit. Imagine looking at those boys. Wait, alien's orphan bride? Okay, wait. Alien brute.

I'm following her now. Spin wheels. Spin wheels. Somebody has to read Alien Brute. I'm following her now. Spin a wheel. Somebody has to read an entire one. I want to lose this. Somebody has to read one of these this weekend. Okay. Sue Mercury, I found her. She has 2,000 followers.

Wait, we've got to get her on Anis. She's a cat person. We've got to get her on Anis. It keeps saying alien, and it's just pictures of human beings. Wait just a tourist dude comments on the fact that like we as a society have beta males now so and i can get on a crisis jacked is actually yeah he's an alien yeah someone who's who takes care of himself that well k Kyle, is she posting a lot? She's posting, yeah, within the week, so she's active.

I thought about that. I just want to get on a cover. Can we commission her to write a romance novel about the yak? Spanking romances. Spanking romances. Oh. I am a multi-published author of erotic BDSM romance and spanking romances.

Can we read one? She runs on coffee and chocolate. Oh, my God. Stella Blue partnership. I need her. Can we have an excerpt? I'd leave it all for you, Mark. Wait, was that Wyoming Heat in the middle of all this stuff?

Whoa, what are these? The Firm Husband. Papa's Rules? Yeah, that's the Papa's series. Oh, no. I thought that was Celeste Jones. There's Wyoming Heat. Look at these.

Daddy done. All right, I'm going to buy one for us and then we'll spin to see who has to read it. Which one should I buy? Was the next one called Papa's Guilt? Wait, no. What? Gift. Gift. Oh, the Red Petticoat Saloon. Conquered Brides.

Sue Mercury. She's pretty prolific. I mean, this is a lot of... She does not seem like an old woman, and she's put out how many books? Alien's Reluctant Bride? Oh, ew. Well, don't get us, like, a middle book in the series, or else we'd be confused.

One Big Bite? I mean, if these are, like, really sexy... Oh, Brandon's Mate! No. A Second Chance Faded Mate Shifter Romance. Is that fiction or non-fiction? I mean, if these are like really sexy. Oh, Brandon's mate. No. Oh, yeah. A second chance faded mate shifter romance. Is that fiction or nonfiction?

Oh, man. Hold on. I'm going to buy it. Oh, I think I get it. Oh, hell yeah. Oh, you weren't kidding. Oh, yeah. Oh, she's cool as hell.

Yeah, we got to get her on. I like her a lot. I like her a lot. If there's a book club for this group, I'll join it. Oh, that's cute. She's funny. How dare I say she's funny? She looks like she moans too early.

No. Yeah, before you can break the threshold. Is this a fella? Depends on the day. I feel like she's a fella. You just walk in the room and she's like, oh. Yeah. Honey, not now.

Now I have no gauge on what I'm doing correctly. Oh, my God. Do you think that carries over into her literature? Like, do you think the orcs are making these women? I would love to know. Are you guys ready? Are you guys ready? Yeah.

It was 3 a.m., and Brandon Friero was climbing the huge oak tree in the center of the bad-blood shifter crew's territory, trying not to wake anyone up. Above him was the three-story treehouse he'd grown up in. He'd grown up in a treehouse? Okay. Keep going. Itelt strange being here. He's only been back a couple of times since their alpha, Flynn, had kicked him out of the territory three months ago. Brandon's not the alpha? No.

Interesting. Flynn is. Neither visit had gone well. With the stealth born of dozens of nights sneaking in after curfew when he was a teenager, he bypassed the window of the room he'd shared with his brother for so many years. Then his parents from a third level. We got to find something. When's somebody going to with his brother for so many years. Then his parents were on the third level. We've got to find something. When's somebody going to fuck?

I've got to find something. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. We're two paragraphs in. Oh, wait. There's no... There's just... The chapters are just cover, beginning, start. What's her name again?

That's not even her book. That's Anastasia Wilde. Wait, what? I bought the wrong book? Fuck! Wait, oh, no. I bought an Anastasia Wilde. Oh, my God. Dude, that sounded Fuck! Wait, oh no. I bought an Anastasia Wild. Oh my god. Dude, that sounded like a wild.

Damn it. Alright, back to the drawing board. Get us an Orc book. I just bought three bucks on Kindle. Alright, I gotta get a Mercury. And then the person who loses this will have to give a book report next week. Very in-depth. Alright, do you want I'd like a little bit of

reading right now, though. Do we want Aliens, Princess Bride, a sci-fi alien romance, Rescued by the Orc, a fantasy monster romance? Rescued by the Orc. Okay, and then the only other Orc one. That's out of character for them. Because they're brutish. That's usually the one.

Where's Tessa Klein? There's a whole genre in here that's... Michelle Mills? They're all the same woman. Michelle Mills was one big bite. I apologize is that vampire no well maybe

what about faded to the orc a fantasy monster romance faded faded faded all right well by the first one what was it rescued by the orc it's I think it's the second in a series oh yeah we'd be completely lost oh I can rent for free that that's not renting that's borrowing that's borrowing yeah oh wait

no i i don't want kindle unlimited i don't even know how to read okay okay rescued by the orc of fantasy i do like that we read the wrong book and it was the first chapter was just Brandon not being the alpha. Well, I mean, clearly he was going to become the alpha in the story. It was clearly going to be a story of him coming of age. Flynn bodied you, Brandon. He was probably going to overcome Flynn. Brandon is definitely going to take over. Yeah.

Maybe even become the omega of his tribe. Where did my book go? Now, KB, how do you feel about sexualizing orcs? You have to see it. They're just like humans. No, they're not at all. They eat raw meat. Well, I mean, we're not that far evolved from eating raw meat, are we?

I'm going to try to find a solution. See, we do, right? We're likely. Isn't sushi raw fish? Does that count? Tartar. i think it does that's tartar tart i like a good tartar they'll eat a whole gazelle every bit of it all right i'll be back in a few weeks asking alexandria was just outside the band what? Mm-hmm. What the fuck? They're not? They're performing at the Vic.

Oh. I know it was them because I saw their sign on the Vic, then I Googled asking, and it was them. Really? Yeah. Huh. Is that your type of genre? Used to be, yeah.

That's cool. What are their songs? Oh, here we go. You fuck like a whore! You fuck like a whore! You fuck like a whore! Yeah. That was one. I promise you.

Are you guys ready? This is... I think Sue Mercury takes the place of, like, the... She's writing from her perspective. Thorson is the orc. A breeze ruffled my hair. Wait, what's the orc's name? Thorson. Yep. A breeze ruffled my hair as we paused before the largest building.

Thorson turned to stare down at me. His visage growing His what? That's his cock. Massage. That's his cock. His what? Massage. That's his face. His vision. I missed that word. His like eye line. V-I-S-A-G-E. Yeah, massage. Mass massage massage how's that growing growing serious and his face dot dot heated desire licked through me what desire licked

through me i'm a virgin i blurted every time i know all about copulation i've witnessed the act before. It was many, many years ago. She's got like a boyfriend in Canada. But I've still seen it with my own eyes. I know how it works. I just haven't experienced it for myself. Oh, goddess, was I rambling again?

My face felt hotter than ever. Though he'd been speaking about the hot spring, I was fairly certain he'd been thinking about consummating our marriage. What? She's married? Hold on, I was fairly certain he'd been thinking about consummating our marriage. What? She's married? Hold on, I'm going to keep going. Intense rutting, my insides fluttered at the prospect of being taken hard and fast by my big orc husband. Quivered at the feel of his huge shaft pulsing against my...

No, this sounds like an orc. I won't lie attentions and Thorson's nostrils flared again as he took a long inhale I'm not scared you don't have to be gentle I'm not as breakable

as a human after all I found myself saying I'm fairly certain I could withstand a session of intense rutting as you so put it I just wanted you to know that I'm not experienced I can withstand a session of intense rutting, as you so put it. I just wanted you to know that I'm not experienced. It might not be as good as the tavern wenches you've bedded. His lips twitched and his eyes glinted with humor. I haven't bedded any tavern wenches, or anyone else for that matter.

Orcs mate for life, remember? And I've yet to mate with a female which i suppose if you want to get technical means i'm a virgin too whoa damn she's got to be writing this with her non-dominant hand a whimper escaped yeah you read something yeah do women when when women are reading like 50 shades of gray and stuff is like, do you masturbate? Are you just like, oh, that's pretty cool, or like, I'll save that for later? What is the process like when women read erotic fiction?

Probably makes it easier to turn the pages. Yeah, it does. Also, just a very funny idea of like, reading Fifty Shades of Grey, and then your like fat, gross husband walks in the door. 50 pages of 50 what is it 50 shades of gray and then your like fat gross husband walks in the door something lets out a fart what's for dinner

these books are for women who need to escape yeah here we go oh Kyle my cock went my cock went rock hard at her words. Wait, we flipped to being Thorson? I thought it was... Are we Thorson now?

I don't know. B.O.V. change. Maybe. I like this. I dragged my teeth along her neckline, leaving red marks, but not breaking her skin. And she shivered and whimpered. Yes, she did. Low in her skin. And she shivered and whimpered. Yes, she did. Low in her throat.

I parted the front of her gown, finally revealing her breasts. I leaned down to capture a nipple in my mouth. Oh, yeah. Running my tongue gently over the hardened peak. She moaned. Knew it. Immediately.

Immediate moaned. Knew it. Immediately. Immediate moan. Yeah, that's a good chopper. This is good. I'm all orked up, dude. Yeah, dude. Interesting. My parents have been in love, married for over a thousand years. That's a long time. If there's any orks in Chicago, please hit me up. Yeah. We got to find one. Yeah.

You always find one. Are we all jumping around or just one continuous thought? No, we're kind of jumping around. There is a dude in Chicago who's dating like an inflatable girl. Oh, yeah. He's like driving her through places. I'd like to see this.

Yeah. What's it called? Chicago's hottest couple. Guess you and the beaver out we never stood a chance interesting is it a inflatable sex doll yeah wait what yeah this guy they go out places and they like do food reviews we are are on location Burger King on Fullerton Avenue One of the better Burger Kings in the city. Oh Playing the music a little loud, you know, obviously we would have preferred to have done a song of our own but What are you gonna do?

Impossible Whopper with cheese to go along with a large order of fries. Yeah, they're both vegetarian, right? But I don't think the final product will be ruined at all Yeah, they're both vegetarian, right? I hate this guy. Wait, can we see Lauren's top five? I hate him. This guy. Top five most annoying songs. They pretend you know this song. How do you get here?

How do you get to this point? It really is just anyone Trying anything to go viral? Do you think he's being serious? I don't know He's attempting to Kind of agree with these songs being annoying Yeah, Lauren has decent taste

I don't know. Is he trying super hard to go viral? Like, that is, like... What are you trying to gain? What's the accident? He's been doing this for a while, and he doesn't post that often. Paul Chaval is right there by Wrigley.

But he's taking her out in public. Yeah. Ready for this? You reached between my legs and splayed my folds apart. Gross! You pushed two thick fingers into my sopping entrance. You guys should have started pumping. How do you land on entrance?

All while swirling his tongue over my swollen, pulsing nubbin. What? My hips kept lurching, but he held me down and lapped at my center, the pace of his ministrations gradually increasing. I knew how to pleasure myself and had done so many times, but having another person do it well, I could scarcely form a coherent thought as Thorson feasted upon my cunny, growling and licking to his heart's content.

Stephen Chase nodding his head like, yep, that's done. I'm not mad at Sue, but she made me say yuck to pussy. I expected him to mount me to surgeon my depths with his formidable cock and officially consummate our marriage, but instead he drew me upward and guided his shaft towards my lips. Open and suck, he said

in a commanding tone. Wait, no, no. You gotta do an orc voice. What's an orc voice? Real gravelly. Open and suck. That was a really good orc. Damn good. In a commanding tone that said,

heat it tingles through my body. I want to feel your lips around my cock. Pounded to your cunny. I think she calls vagina cunny. Cunny. That sounds like some British shit. But she says cock.

Do you think this is easy to write or very difficult to write? I think you just pop open the stream of consciousness. I think she's written the same book like 40 times. It's tedious to write this a bunch of times. I want to try it. I want to write one. Orson the Savage would be down for a good long face fucking. Yeah, that does make sense.

The pace of his plunges increased and his balls slapped heavily. His cock swelled larger and he growled so loud a flock of birds nestled in the tree. They're white. He fucked the birds away. He erupted into my mouth with a roar and gave me no choice

about swallowing hot torrents of his seed gushed over my tongue. Jesus. Shot down my throat. I struggled to swallow several times trying to get it all down. Oh my God. And the pulses stopped. He slowly. There's no way Orc cum tastes

good. He slowly withdrew his cock from my mouth. He brushed a hand through my hair and gave me an affectionate look that warmed me all over. Have you ever face fucked so hard it makes a group of birds fly away? That's amazing. My bad. I was face fucking. Oh yeah. She just goes POV back fly away. That's amazing. My bad, I was face-closing. Oh, yeah.

She just goes POV back and forth. Interesting. Wow. Wow. Her eyes glowed as she shifted off my lap and reached for my cock, curling her fingers around it. Are there ever plots to these sorts of stories,

or is it just... This is the whole book. Skip ahead a lot. Read the last page yeah what's the last I like how she does like sci-fi orc language

and then just goes my balls slapped against her yeah yeah she'll use different words and just I captured

oh here we go about Sue Mercury Sue Mercury loves to write sci-fi fantasy and paranormal romance big sexy aliens growly orcs and other smoking otherworldly Oh, here we go. About Sue Mercury. Sue Mercury loves to write sci-fi, fantasy, and paranormal romance. Big, sexy aliens. Growly orcs.

And other smoking, not otherworldly heroes. Make her heart go pitter-patter. She lives in Maryland with her husband. Oh, no. She lives in Maryland with her husband. I think you've got to get her husband on the show. I think that's the guy you want to talk to. Super adorable fur babies.

She also writes romance to the much kinkier variety under the name Sue Linden. Oh! Much kinkier? She goes kinkier with her real name? How? Also, her cat's name's Stella. It's a pervert pet name.

Damn. We gotta get her on the show yes actually maybe like where's she where's she i'll have her write one about for the holidays we sell yak yeah erotic yeah yeah an episode of the yak devolves into an orgy and as by Sue Mercury. She's a dirty dog. Yeah. What do you think's happening? Like, she's going to catch wind of this and hope she likes what she sees. I mean, I'm into it.

Look, we have an orc ourselves. He's sitting uncomfortably at the end of the couch. If Brandon had an underbite, you could be orc passing. Yeah, no, you are an orc. Look at him. Look at the pulsating legs.

That's good. You have a pulse. Yeah. Brandon, make your orc face. him look at the pulsating legs yeah brandon make your orc face i would love it is write about brandon every time he's about to fuck gets a cramp why why my orc legs failing me again the birds were still in the tree that day yeah you have the most quiet face fucks dude brandon's the only one in the world that can stealthily face fuck i never knew i needed sue linden in my life well imagine like every time we have an episode like this i it's always it's like somebody's first time listening to the yak yeah yeah he's like yeah i'm good on this.

Gotta listen to this show. And we were just talking about the actual qualities of orcs. And then we got into their sex life because of Sue Mercury. What started it all was you just sitting right there and looking. Yeah, how did this start? Because I came in a little late. We were talking about very orc-like and all that stuff.

It escalated. I was only three minutes late and you guys were already. I looked really big, and they said I looked like one of those, and that was about it. That's a tough angle. That's not a great angle. Put your legs down. No. What?

Steven Che. Are you still looking for Sue Linden now? Getting canceled on Twitter right now. Yeah. Che, you're a scumbag. You take back what you said? You're a real piece of shit. You're a bad guy.

I don't care what Josh Reynolds has to say about me. Oh! This is the best because before you got in, Megan was like, Steven's getting canceled right now. I was like, he can't be canceled because he, like, none of getting canceled right now. I was like, he can't be canceled because he like, none of this sticks to him.

Like, you are a scumbag for what you said. Fair. People who think like this are not actual football fans. Wishing injury on someone because they perfectly execute a one-yard play, blah, blah, blah. Absolute clown, weirdo, scumbag. Good riddance. Did he kill you? Damn. I'm going to start being on

the, like, let's hurt Jalen Hurts train. Oh, wow. What? Just for what? That's so unlike you, man. It's just annoying to watch as a fan. This game is like, they're going to win this game. I get it.

You like football too much to wish bad luck on a player. Go through it. Go through the whole process. It just needs to be stopped. And if we've got to take out one guy for the greater good. For the greater good. For the greater good. Are you staying strong to them?

Dude, if we just keep having this play be allowed, in three years there's just going to be a bodybuilder that comes in on third and one, and every team's going to be doing something. Why does your team do it? What is the play? What's wrong with that, though? The Eagles were the better team last time. What is the play?

But you could also stop them on the first two plays. Sure, but every time it gets to the short one, why are we doing that? Why would a bodybuilder come in to play football and then trying to pick up a couple yards? How is that not awesome? How is that not football? That's fucking football. It's rugby.

What's the difference between rugby and football in your eyes? Modern forward pass. Modern innovation and scripted offenses and crafted offense. This is just a rugby scrum. I don't like that as part of the game. If you can get a yard. What is the play?

It's a one-horse run. The push-push. The push-push. Are you anti-Mike Allstott, though? Any team can do that? Any team could do that. Why are the Eagles so good? Because Jalen Hurts can squat like 600 feet.

He's very athletic. But J.J. also said that he would have taken Jalen Hurts' soul. Steven can fold Hurts, apparently. Yeah. Yeah, so I replied to the guy, and Smitty too, just being like, Eagles, if any other fan had said this, they're right. And I get it. But Eagles fans can't say

that because there's literally, Michael Irvin is laying on the ground with a career-ending injury, and the whole stadium erupts with cheers. It's like, fuck that. He actually wrote back, like, wait, confused. I explained it to him, and the whole stadium erupts with cheers. It's like, fuck that. He actually wrote back, he wrote, like, wait, confused. And I explained it to him, and he deleted it. He deleted his tweet. Wait, what?

Oh, wow. The first one? Not that tweet. His, like, response under a nice kind of... Oh, then you won. Yeah. Yeah, congrats. That's why I'm not concerned.

You won. He doesn't take damage. He never takes damage. But, okay, if this was your team... I mean, Tom Brady was unstoppable at a QB sneak from one yard. You can't push him from behind. That's the whole thing. It's like, Jalen Hurts is good, and he can do a sneak.

But the whole team is going behind and pushing him additionally. That shouldn't be part of the—that's rugby. But it's within the rules. It is, but it should have been canceled. Or it should have been outlawed this offseason, which there were discussions about it. You sound like a lib. Yeah.

You do sound like a lib. Yeah. Libbing out right now. I'm libbing out? Yeah. Yeah. You sound like a liberal pussy-hating football guy. Clueless anti-football pussy.

Yes. Yeah. I'm pro football. That's why I'm trying to save the game. Well, it sounds like you're not, because this is the most manly play there is. And explain to me, Mike Alstott, one of the greatest Buccaneers of all time, like that's how he made his living was just like getting the football and fucking running dudes over.

Getting a carry up the middle. But he's getting pushed by three guys behind him. That's my issue. So you don't like to push. Yeah, but often running backs run into the pile and they get pushed. They get pushed it. That's my issue. So you don't like the push. Yeah, but often running backs run into the pile and they get pushed to them. That happens. That happens a lot. That's not

drawn up to do that. But it happens. You don't specifically like it happening to your team. No, the game was over last night. But you wanted them hurt? But you never mentioned this before. If we can eliminate that play. Yeah, they've been doing this for a long time and it was weird how last night was the first time you were like, wait a second, Jalen Hurts doing this.

I've been pretty anti this play for a while. Is there an online footprint of that? Probably. It's just not a fun play to watch. We're trying to watch a football game. This is just guys pushing a guy forward for a yard, and they're going to run every time. It's very annoying.

I would stop it if I was... If I was on defense? I wouldn't let him get to third and one. When they line up on the goal line one yard away and everyone's huddled around him, you know it's coming. Why don't you just tackle him before he gets in the end zone? Just do it that way.

Take innovation. Just throw a guy over the line at him. What if people got behind a linebacker and push them and just simply push back and tackle him? I see what you guys are doing. No, I'm not saying anything. You sign a guy that's the size of a fucking orc or something.

You're literally just catching Jalen Hurts' nipple in his mouth. Find some defensive player that's the exact size of Jalen Hurts and push him back into the pile. Sure. You're upset because your team's not manly enough toalen Hurts and push him back into the pile. Sure. You're upset because your team's not manly enough to stop a guy. My team's 2-1. I don't know about your team.

Oh, wow. Oh, shit. My team sucks. You can't keep getting me when my team sucks. Are you saying I can't watch football? No, but you're just being like, well, your team's – Your team can't stop the play, so you're upset. No team can stop the play, so I'm upset.

If it was just my team and we got bludgeoned, that's fine. He's taking damage. But I also don't fully understand why other teams don't just simply do this. Nobody's been able to stop this. So why doesn't literally every other team look at that and say, no one can stop this, we should do it too? He's the strongest quarterback. That's good.

That's awesome. I'm saying this is going to lead to bodybuilders. If we allow this to continue, football players are going to get stronger and more athletic. The Steelers signed a 6'5 muscle jock. I'm getting his jersey. How is that not a good thing? The Steelers have a 6'7 tight end.. I'm getting his jersey. How is that not a good thing? Steelers have a 6'7 tight end.

Put him in. Easily do it, yeah. I'm the guy with the worst vision probably at this company, and you guys just cannot see what's right in front of you. This is going to change the game. For the worst. No, I don't think so. I don't want to watch football where it's just push-pushes all game.

Yeah, they're like goal line, like one-inch plays. Again, you could just stop them from getting to the goal line. That's so short-sighted. It's going to become more than that. On first and ten, you're never going to do it. On second and eight, you're never going to do it. Football matters a lot, and it's ruining football. I think to show that you're taking this seriously,

you need to boycott football until it's ruled out. That's next. Great point. Like my uncle did in 2020. Yep. When they were kneeling? Yeah. Yeah.

Still isn't checked back in. Steven, just get better. You are the kid. It has nothing to do with Mike. You're complaining about rules because your team couldn't stop. You were never mad about this before. You've never brought it up. Correct. I'm not typically on, like, we're not typically streaming Eagle,

and I'm like right now. Wait, no, no, but that happened all last year, too. You had no problem with it. Then they played the Bucs, and you all of a sudden want Jalen Hurts' heart and the game to be changed. Last year it was a new thing, and, yes, it should have been outlawed. This offseason I was counting on it being outlawed It wasn't

Jalen Hurts is the only player who can do it He's so freakishly athletic he can do it But no one else can And there's some great athletes and quarterbacks What happens when a kicker can kick a 71 yard field goal But he's the only one that can do it That's fine If there are three teammates behind him

Like moving his legs They're pushing him so he can run faster Yeah then that should be illegal That would be awesome That would be so sick That would be fucking awesome If he can do that by himself great But if you need three teammates to push you from behind

That should not be illegal Play the goal line play again You sound like you're whining I am whining Okay alright At least you got that I feel like he lashed out You sound like you're whining. I am whining. Okay, all right. All right, at least you got that. I feel like he lashed out.

Oh, he lashed out big time last night. Like, that was huge. He just lashed out at you with the banners. Oh, no, he did it last night, too. He got so mad. Your team can't even score three points. Community notes this. They didn't really push him. They didn't even push him.

They didn't even push him. In fairness, that's not a great example. They didn't even push him, Steven. That's for a touchdown. That's points. And that's not a great example. They didn even push him. In fairness, that's not a great example of that play. They didn't even push him, Steven. That's for a touchdown. That's points. That's not a great example of a play. They didn't push him. Show me his worst one or his best one.

You realize they didn't push him. They didn't even push him. There's some where. So you're fine with that one? That's a poor example. That's a bad example of a play. Okay, but what we're saying then is if they don't even push him every time, then they don't do it as often as –

Well, he didn't need to push him. They outlawed the push. He will still do sneaks. Because he ran into the pile. He didn't need to get pushed because he got through the pile himself. But what I'm saying is if you watched the game last night and they did it six times, as it turns out, four of them they weren't even pushing.

So now we're bitching about two plays? We're bitching about two plays in a football game? And also, they're going to keep doing it, and they'll get it still even without a push. But imagine how electric it is once the fight stops. Oh, no. He's going viral. Oh, no.

My hang-up is that if the Bucs were doing this, you would be bragging that they're smarter than everybody else. Wishable, they found a loophole. Wishable is a bad look. Probably because I'm a fan of the team. So you don't care that you're going to go viral for wishing injury? So what? I'm viral. See?

Oh, God. Wait, what did Barsch do? Why did Josh Reynolds get the hat tip here? He didn't report it. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, boy. That's Barstow gambling. I'm sure you should start tweeting. Tomorrow you should start tweeting about how it's illegal.

Yeah. You know how you tweet the NBA props and stuff like that? Yeah, start tweeting. Start tweeting him. Start tweeting the NFL. If Jalen Hurts gets hurt, you have to promise to quote tweet the clip and say LOL. Yes. Yeah.

That was the heat of the moment thing, but yeah, it's annoying. If we have to take out one guy to say the greater good. Well, you're doubling down now. You've got to stop saying that. You can't say is he the moment in the double down that's fair that didn't even look like they pushed him there either like again i don't think they pushed they were trying though i mean you watch a lot of football they didn't push him there you watch a lot of football yeah there are plenty of plays

where they're pushing him. There were good examples. Okay. Wait, go down. Yeah. Hurts gets a lot of this on his own. Sure. Are other people starting to do it? Oh.

Temple. Temple. Philly school. Oh, yeah. See, that's a better example. Yeah. I mean, we're going to have guys getting hurt on defense. Well, yeah, you want them. That's a good play. That's a better example. Yeah. I mean, we're going to have guys getting hurt on defense. Well, yeah, you want them.

Wait, now you're thinking about injuries? You can't do that. That's completely contradictory. That's opposite of what you just said. It's all the same argument. Can I ask a question? Why would a defensive player have any more risk on that play than any other play? A lot of, like, everybody going into one defined space. You're talking about any quarterback sneak now yeah every sneak every quarterback line play brother you have

people from behind that are pushing the pile if there's a guy that's in a compromised position i don't see how that's more dangerous than any other football you don't actually it's safer you're kind of snuggled in together running backs get pushed in piles all the time. All the time. All the time. If you've got 22 guys pushing for the same area, there's a lot more force. January 22. That sounds pretty cool. It's been happening. Honestly, the play's a little gay.

A little bit. A little bit. A little pause. Literally the tush push. I would never want to win that way. Hell no. That should be your angle. They'd have to put a chick in for me to do it.

Super homophobic. Every team should have one chick. That's what happens when you don't push them. Yeah. You don't think somebody could get hurt on that play? What's up? You don't think somebody could get hurt on that play? What's up? You don't think somebody could get hurt on that play? Troy Palomaro or like LeVar Arrington when they jump over the line.

Remember when LeVar Arrington did that? Mm-hmm. Against Illinois maybe? Mm-hmm. That was an all-time. Why don't you just get a guy like that? Maybe we can. Innovation.

Yeah, certainly. Hopefully they don't. This is how the NFL works. One team comes up with something. Another team has to figure out a way to stop it. I, for one, am excited for when that's every play. Yeah. Yeah.

They probably could score doing that every play. Yeah. Like a 99-yard drive. That would be awful to watch. It would kind of rule. It would be pretty fun. It would kind of rule. All right. Agree to disagree. I hope the game never comes down to that. I don't of rule. It would be pretty funny. It would kind of rule. Alright, agree to disagree.

I hope the game never comes down to that. I don't think it will. Yeah. Well, you just hope Jalen Hurst gets hurt. You think that if it keeps going like this, it will then become the whole game will just be tush pushes. Correct. I'm going to have to disagree with you on that. Mike McDaniel

was watching the Eagles play the other night and he was like fuck, I gotta change my offense I know we scored 70 but We didn't run a tush push one time Chase you have zero remorse for saying Jalen Hurts You're holding firm to it And they did that all last year

And that's why they won the Super Bowl right Oh wait But wait they didn't but if it's unstoppable then you would think they should yeah oh man huh i just love the chase under the gun right now and he there's no one better built for it it does not bother him whatsoever last time i checked my twitter login still worked. What does that even mean? They can't cancel me. When you get canceled, they delete your

Twitter? That's what I'm saying. It doesn't work like that. Where are they canceling me from? I think you should double down. He already has. Triple down. Tweet out to Conor McGregor. Do it. Tweet. GIF. It would be funny as hell. Absolutely fucking nothing. Tweet out to Conor McGregor. Do it. Tweet. GIF. Jay, it would be funny as hell. Absolutely fucking nothing.

Okay. Tweet it out. He's got all of Philly after him. I love it. My boy's in South Philly already. He's not valid anymore. They got a hit? I've gotten threats.

Mike Trout is not happy with me. Oh, really? What the fuck? I hate that that's a thing. Come on. Dave sent it in like the group and they're all up in arms yeah I mean I would imagine professional athletes

are probably upset guys sitting on their couch being like injure them I can see how that wouldn't work this might be actually the strongest test that Philly as a city's ever had because Stephen Chay won't back down yeah

what if Stephen Chay just completely takes down the city of Philadelphia never had because Stephen Shade they won't. It's unbreakable. He won't back down. He's powerful. Yeah. Yeah. What if Stephen Shade just completely takes down the city of Philadelphia. No shot. By just being like if you don't have haters you don't have fans.

Facts. He's unbothered. Yeah. It's incredible. It's incredible. I got water in my ear from the shower today that's the pussiest thing you could possibly

yeah I don't know what to do did you try to do the old like yeah I need to get I need to like go into a pool you need a suction cup it yeah

oh yeah a little yeah but my buddy sent me the Che clip and was like this Asian guy's smoking dick. What's he doing?

Is that what he said? Yeah. Yeah. You should have been like, well, actually, our whole team is putting their hands up Jalen Hurts' ass. So, yeah, they're kind of smoking ass. Yeah, he's the only one that's being free. He's keeping it 100.

I want the Bucs to do it next week so bad. They probably will. Most teams do do this during short yardage situations. Baker Mayfield is a little guy, though. Yeah, but I can see him just not caring. Just doing it. What? Baker Mayfield.

Not this year. What do you mean not this year? Do that play? Yeah. It could happen. Oh, you mean not this year? Do that play? Yeah. It could happen. Oh, you're saying Baker will do it and I won't care? Yeah. I'll say I won't like it, but I won't get up in arms about it.

I mean, at least he's being honest. He is being honest. It's getting likes. It's getting likes already. We might need an orc refresh. Yeah. Yeah, could we turn out like an alien? Oh, wow. Oh, no. Oh, that's insulting. need an orc refresh yeah yeah orcs need those two little teeth like a shih tzu has for scraping the necks without i want to get Sue Mercury on the show.

I guarantee you she's a fucking prude. Do you think she has... Oh, does she have an audio book? Oh my God. I need to hear the balls smacking against the chin. How did I not look for that Sue Mercury audio book? I wonder if there's any YouTube clips of her doing a reading at... Is there like a horny library?

You know how authors do live readings at bookstores? Where does she live? Maryland with her babies and husband. Fur baby's got top priority? She lives in Maryland. Yeah. I don't think her husband can fuck like an orc though. Oh, I got one.

Royal alien mate. You got an audio book? And then the ravenous hand. Esme crept down the narrow hallway, careful to avoid the creaky spots and the ice-cold floorboards. Unease spread through her. She followed the murmuring of voices,

curious about the late-night conversation that was occurring in the kitchen. Oh, this is hot. I was jerking off. It's not horny out. Wait, go to the reviews. Cute book. Cute.

This preview isn't going to be sexual enough. I'm rock hard. strengthened as she drew nearer to the slits and high-pitched whispers. What were her parents talking about? Desperation and fear tinged their hushed voices. I like how she has Sue Mercury plus Sue Linden. Can we see some three-star ratings?

Yeah, like a bad one. What's her worst book? Wasn't hot enough. My mind is blown how often she publishes these. That one person said frustrating. Oh!

Couldn't come. That has to be what that means. Wait, possessive? What's the best in the series? Ravenous was pretty good. Obviously, yeah, Green Aliens. Do we read the ratings? Click on the book. The overlap of the women who love the cartoon Kathy

and the women who love these books is 100%. When the alien is too possessive, they'll say, Ah! This is somewhere between three and a half and four and a half stars. The story was decent. Ren did do nice things for her. He just overreached and had too many red flags for me to really like. Red flags?

He's an alien. I know I'm not dating him. It's just he would make me too weary to want to stay. Is she rating the book? He's a purple template. Yeah, like rating her. Yeah. It's on the bad list.

It's on the free star right there. It was a game. It's suppressed, not repressed. Wait, people are reading this for the story? Like the misuse, which she spelled misuse wrong. Author never elaborates on the supposed betrayal of his dead ex-fiancee but based on his behavior in this book i can see why she would want to go with another dude still his hoarding of that bone oh oh this person really wait okay wait a minute there's a whole boy there it is also still

lacking in the bedroom department i'm not sure why she titled this series with the word savage. There isn't any savage. Savaging going on. Oh, no. These four savage. I can understand that complaint. She's skimping on the knowledge. Savage, and there's no savaging.

It's tough. But Kathy B likes it. Oh, she's skimping on it. You gotta have savaging. Maybe she is a prude. People are really reading these for... This is the second book in the Savage Monk. Interesting. Oh, no no that one's more it

should be a pamphlet on abuse oh god about being a survivor of domestic i don't think there's enough fucking in this book so it only got three stars okay okay read all right somebody has to read this but the physical coffee copy in like a coffee shop in public. Yeah. I need a one star. Yeah, spin the wheel for it. They got to buy it.

Can't you click the one star? You have to read the entire thing. Yeah. The entire thing. Bye. Maybe do a PowerPoint. Monday. Oh.

Yeah, and find the best passages. Eliminator wheel. Eliminator wheel. I think you have to illustrate your favorite scene. Re-enact it. You have to give a book report. Act it out. Yeah.

We can do green face for this, right? Yeah, you can do green face. You have to be both characters. All right, spin it, TJ. Someone's reading this. Straight wheel or eliminator? Eliminator.

I might read it on the plane to Nebraska. Yeah, that would be the funniest picture. You read that on a PJ? Everyone's watching football. Just disappear to the bathroom. As hard as a rock Damn it This feels like a treat for Kate

I think the beef would have gone all in on this Yeah I really don't want to read this book I do not want to read this book Give me There we go It's gotta be Nick What's her net worth?

I think she has one billion dollars I was gonna say She's that weird Lego guy What was the guy you guys are obsessed with? Dean Kuntz He's a billionaire He's a billionaire A Kuntz and Mercury collab

Oh my god It goes so hard Oh I really Coons and Mercury collab? Oh my god. It goes so hard. Oh, I really... Still might buy it. It needs to be a different paper. You guys started this whole thing arguing about orcs. Yeah, my uncle...

Yeah. Oh, this is good. You guys started this whole thing arguing about orcs. My uncle saw all the speeches. Yeah. Oh, this is good. Good three. You'll read it anyway. Good crop of duty. Great three. That's a great answer. The wheels just...

And the Holy Ghost. As fate would have it. Let's go. This is all our fault. First of four doesn't have to read it. I say team effort. No, doesn't have to. The loser has to read it.

The group picks the book, right? Yeah. So you want it to land on you? You want it to't have to. Yeah, but the group picks the book, right? Yeah. Yeah. So you want it to land on you? You want it to land on you. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Yes.

One nothing. KB's going to read it and just be able to recite it word for word. KB's going to already have the book. Okay. One, one. One, one. You're moaning too early. 2-1 KB.

Oh, this sucks. 2-2. 3-2. You're going to learn about orcs. You're the chance. Of course it's a game seven. Oh! What the fuck are you reading?

Let's browse Yeah browse Let's find her like nastiest one Yeah What's a classic? What's the thing that we're like Yeah what's her Moby Dick? Probably that Hottest Sue Mercury books.

So Sue Linden is the kinkier ones. Okay. Oh, a friend just sent me her private Facebook reader room. Yeah. So I'm pending. I don't know if they'll let me in or not. Her doing like a live read at a bookstore has to sound like stirring a bowl of macaroni.

So her nastier ones are under Sue Linden? Yeah. Should it be as simple as just starting with the one that prompted the whole thing? The promise to an orc? What's the... Wait a minute. Rodak.

No, wait. These might be good. By the soldier. Oh, yeah. Zylon's Human Bride. Yeah. Wait. That was the one that started. That's the one I bought on Kindle.

Or the Papa series. Zylon's Human Bride. Because I'd love to hear Kyle learn a little bit about this. What is Zylon? An alien? Nova doesn't want to leave home. Oh, this is going to be so bad. Oh, this looks good.

Dome series. Oh, promises her a strapping. Oh, he's driven to claim her again and again. This is too sci-fi-y for me. And there's sweets running around. Or like fantasy. You want the Papa series? Yeah, the Papa series. Let's head over to the Papa series. Yeah, maybe the Papa series. Not a bad idea.

There's Papa's Captive. Oh, Papa's Captive. Oh, that's Little Ladies of the Mallcott House Book 4. Papa's Rules? Because rules and you're a... Oh, I like that. You have a lot of rules for your own. Best-selling authors.

Oh, that's not the book. But she is. Oh, she got a... Is that book one? Oh, Dashing Lord Alexander Cavendish. But is this orcish? Yeah, I was going to say, should there be something with an orc?

Got to be. Ah, yeah. Probably should be. To tie it all together. Wait, what's that one on the right? Black Light roulette? War? Those are just four words.

Yeah. Those are four words. Oh, I'm reading the whole Blacklight roulette. Blacklight roulette. 19 of 37? Can we say? 37. Book one, infamous love. This is it, Sue. Oh, this is it. This is it, Sue Linden. Oh, no, it's not. Infamous love.

This is it, too. Rocked. This is it, too. Linden. Oh, no, it's not. Oh, no. I can't comprehend the conversation. Do they share the series?

I mean, how different could book one be from book 36? I mean, you have cuffed, suspicion. It's a whole series. Do you think she's writing each of these word for word? Oh, that one looks good. Rescued by the orcs That's book two of three Wait

Radax mate promises Butt stuff Huh Mating frenzy Double peen Wait Strict alpha male Vibrating scrotum

Double peen Oh Radax mate Long alien tongue Radax mate Double Double peen Alien romance Yeah I mean it would be more torturous if spanking wait this was her sexual senses if

you check your text this is her own chart that she made for oh okay on the facebook it also was just published like two months ago and making him read the second in the series i kind of want to read like an original one where she was not creative nervous virgin heroine well this is this has vibrating scrotum in it kyle and long alien tongue and she uses the word peen spanking spanking how do you do that of course the nervous virgin heroine double peen mating friend yeah i think that's probably the one long alien tongue, there you go. Interesting. Oh, wait, what about Prepper Daddy?

Prepper Daddy? What happens in Daddy's bunker stays in Daddy's bunker. Yeah, but I kind of want it to be otherworldly. I don't want it to be two basic humans fucking. Okay. Wow. Spanking a discipline. TJ, maybe throw up a poll.

Or what's chat saying? Oh, my God. KB, do you want like OG orc? They want orcs? Yeah, let's do an orc. All right, we'll do orcs. I feel like that first one makes the most sense. Yeah.

The one that started it all. TJ Googled orc. We saw that cover of that book, and that's what sent us down this path. It feels like maybe that should be the one. One hour. Yeah, maybe that should be the one that... Promise to the orc.

4.4 stars that's not bad will i survive marriage you want big growly orc yeah promised to the orc double virgins size difference big orc energy wow big orc energy i feel like it yeah you can't go wrong with that no you really can't this is might as well get all three in the series what is it it saves do you have a kindle kyle or kindle account um yeah okay great i want to see the one go to the one star ratings age gap see what's pissing people off too woke

it's too woke it's too fucking woke and they really do come after everything work novels I'm going to think of after everything wait can we somewhat enjoy a little romance until it wasn't the humans are evil their colonialism and lies are the cause of the world's problems

utter crap the libs did you pick one yeah what are we doing I guess I have to buy it yeah yeah I want to know how woke this book is alright

promise to the orc the vaccine to orcs you want to do the ad read I'll do the ad read you get a use you have to get a use what's the dish? Well.

Jesus. Jesus. I want to talk about High Noon. Oh, yeah. It is time to load up the ice and break out the oversized long games because the high noon game day pack is back. It includes limited edition fan faves, pear and cranberry, along with black cherry and grapefruit made with real vodka, real juice,

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an event Wednesday tomorrow at the Barstool Bar a bunch of us are hosting opinion based trivia questions are written I have the flyer made at the Barstool Bar. A bunch of us are hosting opinion-based trivia. The questions are written. I have the flyer made. TJ, I could text it to you.

But yeah, it's tomorrow at, I don't know the time yet. Probably 6.37. Yeah, we'll be hosting it. There will be one prize. We're going to try to find something from the office. Rudy Junda will be doing a fuck-a-fan And you can't get Suck and fuck?

He'll do a suck and fuck And one prize that we'll find here And you can't get the questions wrong So we'll ask the question And then we'll go table by table And we'll assign them a point total of 1 to 10 I love it. You've been cooking up the prompts.

I've been cooking up the prompts. Is someone cooking something right now? I'm sitting right next to the garbage can. It's been a rough day. Disgusting. Nobody's over there. Who's making the panini? Danny Conrad, I think, is a panini guy.

No. I feel bad because I'm drawing a blank on it. By the way, the basketball court has been installed. I saw the hoops. Whoa. And the sound rated doors have shipped, so no more delays. We're less than a month. Yeah, we're less than a month.

We're four weeks. Let's see. So will we have our Halloween party there? Yeah. I'm dead set on Halloween party. We are one, two. I'm going to be an orc. After this week, we're three weeks away.

Oh, yeah, an orc Halloween. Wow. Orc. Should we all be orcs? Just everybody's an orc. I'm orc themed. I want to be growly. I'll be growly.

I'll be the woman you guys fuck. Yeah, hell yeah. I think Nick throat fucked moook at the Halloween party. It was just Halloween. It's part of the costume. See all those birds? Every time I see a flock of birds, I'm just like, somebody's lucky. Throat fucking the birds away.

You found another one? What is this one? I've seen this one. Satire? This guy's so good. This guy bangs. Wait, it's real. You have to spin the wheel again. We have to spin the wheel again. We have to spin the wheel again.

This is so good. Next Monday. Pass the pussy to... Alright, we're going to spin the wheel again. We're doing a double book report one day. We'll get Mincy to read that one. Okay, Mincy. Spin it again, TJ.

That can't be real. Holy shit. Oh, no. Oh, no. This ho got roaches next door. This ho got roaches. This ho got roaches next door. It's a hookah. It's a hookah. It's perfect. It's perfect.

Oh. Oh my God. We should write one of these. Yeah. For Christmas. Do you think we could all write... Because the chapters

don't really have to make a lot of sense. Just a different fucking... Just come up... All you have to do is come up with the characters. As long as you guys are all aligned

on the characters and then everybody goes and writes their own chapter and then you can throw it all together and i'm sure yeah we should write one of these for christmas for black friday can you talk to wait wait can you talk to merch and what if this year's calendar was like each month was like the cover of one of those books so it's like you with the orc let's do a book of short stories so we don't have to each have a chapter but let's like

figure out a random way to assign like what is fucking what yes yes we're gonna get in the erotic novel game yes oh my god we're gonna make so much money off this this ho got roaches tomorrow we need to create a list of nick i will make i will yes creatures signed a chapter and

they have to write a chapter and then we'll put it all together and that will be the book that what should we call the series just something just like the cum shot series it always yeah that's how it has to end a cum collage cum collage the birds are not that's oh that's a that is a great idea is the whole jack shots yeah the the every book in the series you're reading waiting for the cum shot and it's just like everyone's you're it's a tease the whole way and then the very last sentence is just blew their load and he blew his fucking load and that's the that's the staple and everyone reading it fist pumps every time they read a cumshot book they're just like fuck you there it is kyle i know yours is going to be good and i'm afraid how hard i'll get a thing that's fucking it's always a it's always a virgin chick

yeah uh thing that they're fucking and then how they're fucking. Where they're fucking. Where they're fucking. Or like, yeah. Yeah, and then we'll just go from there. I'll put that list together tomorrow. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm so in on this. Yeah. And feel free to, you know, like one of those slices could be like an Asian football player. Yeah. Yeah. A pain. What is it? like an Asian football player. Yeah. Yeah. Che has to have like a big dude to like push his ass. Who's reading this? What is it?

This hoes got roaches in her house. Oh, Kyle has to go back to back. There goes Mook. Damn it. I'm buying the physical copy if it's me yeah I think I might want this one just on the shelf the work one I did not but this one

no no no no no alright Brandon I want you to have to bring this book home I'm gonna get man-starred on it Die, die, die Die, die, die, die, die, die Yeah, Brandon's the best Brandon would be the best

He has so many books Fuck Pastors eat pussy too Yeah Brandon's the best This guy has so many books Fuck Pastors eat pussy too Wait how's it spelled? The W Look at some of these other titles Oh my god Quan Mills right?

Yeah What are a couple more titles KB? Gotta chicks do gotta things Full standalone What are a couple more titles, KB? Gotta Chicks Do Gotta Things. Full standalone. How is it? How is it? This is perfect, too. This is the perfect final three.

Again. Tax season. Oh, I love this. Pregnant by my mother's gay husband. Oh, my God. Yes. Oh. Pregnant by my mother's gay husband Kyle you went to read two books? One new book Fucking wheel is just man Holy shit

We're not going to see Kyle for a week Like yeah you gotta take some time off And read these books Oh fuck it's so perfect Alright tune up Alright I want Kyle to read two books so bad. Oh, there we go.

Nick, now you have to piss yourself, too, while you're reading this book. Oh, I can't be a sweep. It's meant to be. All right. No piss. No piss. All right. No piss. No piss. All right, Nick. Fight.

This is fair. Fair. All right. So we need. So next, let's do Tuesday because Monday will. I'm sure there'll be stuff from the weekend. So next Tuesday gives you guys a full week to read it. We need a full book report.

Yeah. You do a PowerPoint, some passages. Yeah, fuck. I was like. I'll bring personalized blankets for everyone so we can read the book report under the covers. My last weekend was ruined. I was like, certainly there will be nothing that ruins this. Which one are you reading?

Bonus points if you get any pictures. So this is confusing because Pastors Eat Pussy 2 is not the, it's the first. It's 2 as in as well. Yeah. I also would like to see in your book report, maybe a couple pictures of you reading the book out and about. This Hogot Roaches feels like.'ve got roaches the one only digital so they're not oh really what's that one oh my baby mama is a loser search kwan mills paperback pregnant by my mother's

husband search kwan mills paperback what about when a bad bitch and a savage... The coldest thug ever. God, this is awesome. Thug karma. Taxis and thoughts. I'll let you guys pick for me. Let's see if there's any paperbacks, TJ. Do Quan Mills...

Yeah, paperback. I like the thought of these models having no idea they're on the covers of these books. This Ho Got Roaches. That seems to be. No, Pastors Eat Pussy Too's there. Yeah, which one do we want? This Ho Got Roaches.

I like this Ho Got Roaches. Can we read the review? That is the best title of any book ever. Ever. Wait, does that have nearly a thousand ratings? Oh, this guy is big. Oh, you can get it. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. You get that, Thursday? Yep, I'll get it right now. You got to get the paperback. I know. What's the, can we read the? Oh, based in Chicago. Perfect.

Jail. Fred Cuisia. Fred Cuisia. What are the chances this is written by a white dude? The white dude trying to create a rift. Juan Mills. I mean, Fred Cui. Sure.

A white man. Juan Mills is a racist. He's like a 120-pound white man. Yeah, I ordered it. It's coming Thursday. Oh, no. Sent black people back 200 years. It has horrible reviews.

Oh. Oh, no. Fun, Nick. Oh, no. One of the reviews. Oh no. Fun Nick. Oh no. One of the reviews is just what is this? Oh no. From the guys that brought you the Daily Loud.

Yeah this is a Uh oh. Fredquation. Alright. Uh-oh. Fred-quation. Fred-quation. All right, yeah. I'll start reading Thursday. All right. I got to do an interview. Also, I realized that the Ryder Cup just starts at 2 o'clock every day,

or 1 o'clock. So it's only a few more days of it. Tune into that. Yeah, we're like push it at 1 o'clock Right during the act So that's probably why people go hop over there Which it's incredible I think me and PFT are playing right now

As we speak What do you think is happening? I don't know TJ let's look Yeah let's watch Oh we have mattress from We have mattress from the actual wheel Yeah we do Everyone needs quality sleep We have to sit in the actual wheel. Yeah, we do.

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from mattress firm what's going on in the match reading about the quest I look so bad in red the quest to find out who Quan Rose is what's Billy looking at

Billy don't get distracted by wildlife yeah I know come on Billy stay focused oh this is the first hole which spoiler you guys started with the first hole, which, spoiler.

You guys started with the first hole. You shocked the world. Right there, but a little bit further. So don't even aim for the tree. Just go to the right of it and just get up in there. Eyes on the ball. Head down. Billy, give him a little room.

Oh, whoa. That's a great shot, PFT. That's what I said. That's a great shot PFT That's a good we're about shots the world they don't have the consistency no and we're just now we're just in the same spots though No, what a duo yes and I oughta season in today we'd win Two strokes, thank you. It's always good to have that Thank you Today we'd win. After two strokes. Oh, thank you. It's always good to have that. I think I'd had a better drive in the area. Thank you.

I'd had a better shot. I'd had a better second shot than Trenton. Okay, thank you so much. Fucking crushed it. Yeah, so go tune in on that. Why don't we spin our real wheel? Thank you. The Ryder Cup, yeah. So tomorrow is our last alternate shot,

and then Thursday is, I believe, the finale. It's flown by. Yeah. And then the real Ryder comes. The finale of Barstool's Most Dangerous Game is when? Tonight. Ooh! Find out who gets rich.

Rudy. Is Rudy still in it? Yeah. He backstabbed Francis. Making money. All time move. Grace. There was a change.org petition in 2022 to stop Mills. Oh, no.

To ban the author for hate speech against black women. Oh. Nick, you're going to get canceled. Also, Chuck Tingle is very perfect. You don't have a change or trying to stop you from everything you do? This is awful. It's going to be Nick or KB. It's a busy-ass wheel.

Okay. What do you mean? A way to get wet? Okay. Sitting on something waiting for someone to get wet. Been there, huh? Theme of the day. I can't wait to write some fan fiction.

Oh, it's going to be great. Yeah. Yeah, TJC going to be great. Yeah. Yeah, TJC, ask what the deadline is for us to have a book created, and we'll have Triggs draw some stuff. I wonder how many we have to sell to make a profit. I don't know if we'd reach it. You've drawn erotic figures before, have you not? Yes.

All right. Maybe Kate illustrates it with her stick figure. Nick can illustrate erotica very well. Oh, yeah. Thanks, Kyle. You're welcome. Sit. Sit.

You've been first ever to sit. Oh, yeah. I'm a dry boy. I think it's going to be Titus. Oh, fuck. No. No, stop. Damn.

Oh, yeah. It's going to be Titus. It does feel like it's going to be me. I have that feeling as well. You laughed too hard at me and Kyle. Oh, yeah, it's gonna be tight as well. It does feel like it's gonna be me Yeah, I have that feeling as well. You laugh too hard at me and Kyle. Yeah, that's true God damn it. This hoe got roaches Yeah, it's gonna be bad This is gonna be really bad no one here will care

no I mean I'll get wet but I don't know god damn it thank you wheel appreciate you no I'll bend on you $50 fuck No! How damn are you $50? Fuck! Come on.

The right thing would be for it to be... Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop! There you go, BBB. Had to bring out that. That was a waste of using that one time. That was a big waste of that. You can only use that once every six months. I'll never get that. Yeah, no.

I hope it's Che. It'd be Che. It's got to be Che. It's got to be Che. God damn it. Feed me, Che. It's going to be me. Are we going to do seven or one?

Unfortunately, it's going to be me. Unfortunately, it's going to be me. Are we gonna do seven or one? Unfortunately, it's gonna be me. Unfortunately, it's gonna be me. It's gonna be me. That's okay. One out. Kate, how many weeks are you at? 35. Yeah.

Yeah. Got ones. What is it? 1-1 Nobody speed their pants Damn it 2-1 it's over Shoes are coming off Shoes are coming off

Aww Shoes are coming off. Aww. Yeah, nobody's ever come back from 3-1. This isn't fair. It's gonna be me. You never know. You never know. I'm a guy who gets... Yep, there he goes. Who's drenching him?

What do you got? Oh, a towel. Damn. I'm sorry, Titus. Wish it was you. He's reaching. TJ's reaching behind him, pulling something out. Oh.

Oh! No way! No way! No way! Wet KP towel. My God! What? What? What? What?

What? What? What? What? What? What? No fucking way. Very detailed.

Yeah. Well, it's a photo of you. That's beautiful. The tech is crazy. Wow. When my dad found out he was coming to the office, he custom ordered that in case he got wet, and it came like two weeks after. Oh, my God.

I just had that in my backpack. TJ's dad back on the cool throne. Mm-hmm. Somewhere Caroline Bainowitz is punching air. Just dumping two bottles out. What is she against? Recycle. Wasting.

Oh, she caught us out on that? No, but she's like a big like, whatever. Lib? Recycler. Yeah, Lib. I don't like Che. Oh, great towel. Can we sell those in the Barstool store?

Can we? Well, we're going to have to now. Yeah. We should sell towels We should sell everything Do you guys have time to read these books? Yeah You're a reader

I do like 100 pages a day God damn Which one? I don't want to say because I'm not done with it Pastors Eat Pussy 2 They should have said as well cool way so they could do a sequel do you get wi-fi no not yet pastors eat pussy too too that's better yeah more pussy eating pastors yeah more box he got in trouble for one about a white woman titled Becky Put Raisins in the Potato Salad.

Oh, yeah. He's a wet guy. Damn, he looks cool. He looks too good. You look too good wet. Yeah. Wet as hell. All right. Brandon, sign us off.

All right. Cool. Wet as hell. All right. Brandon, sign us off. All right. Cool. That's the act. Woo! Oh, your ass is stoned. It's your straws, yeah Style of tape for a while It's the act It's the act It's the act Yeah, it's time to talk Shop or do a Yankee swap

It's the act It's the act See you tomorrow. Bye.