The Yak - Jerry Shaves His Body Like a Swimmer | The Yak 10-5-22

Episode Date: October 5, 2022

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Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Whoa. Whoa. I'll tell you what. I like when we start the show and we're just mid-conversation. I'll tell you what. I like when we start the show and we're just mid-conversation. I'll tell you what. Ronan and I driving back from Philly last night.

There was a moment where it was raining so hard, Jerry would have died. Couldn't see the road. In his tinted car, he would have died. You would have died. No, it was one of those, like, you know when it dumps so fucking hard and everyone's like, oh, fuck, and you're going like now 20? Yeah. You would have died.

I'm a very good driver. Yeah? But you can't see. Have you ever had that happen when you're stuck behind an 18-wheeler? Yes. And they're just spitting on you? It is brutal. You can't see anything.

You guys get the willies pass in 18-wheelers? Does it scare you? Like I might get whipped off the road? I saw one, you know, like those little things that stick with you for your whole life. I think it was like maybe like a Dateline 2020 or something about 18 wheelers boxing you in and then stopping short. And then you hit them and then they like collect all that shit. Yes. I think I saw that when I was, like, maybe 15.

It just stuck with me forever. So it's like if I ever see two 18-wheeler, it's like, uh-oh, they're about to fucking scam me. What do they collect? Like, they'll get one in front, one behind, one on the side. They'll box you in, and then they'll stop short. You hit them. You can't. I mean, if you hit someone, it's your fault. Yeah, from the back, right? Right. Yeah. And then they'll stop short, you hit them. You can't, I mean, if you hit someone, it's your fault.

Yeah, from the back, right? Right. And then they, boom, and then they come out and they kill you. Didn't they do that in like the first Fast and the Furious or some shit? That might be where I saw it. That's probably it. Shit. I think they did do that in one of the early Fast and the Furiouses.

They had the big insurance scheme plot line. Yes. You die, big insurance scheme plotline. Yes. That was the thing. You die, they get the insurance money. Well, I always wonder, you know, on the Jersey Turnpike, when you first get on, you have the choice. Like, you come up on it. Like, do you want to go in the truck lanes,

or do you stick with the cars? And I always wonder, is it safer in the car lane because the vehicles are smaller, or is it safer in the truck lane because those are professional drivers and they know what they're doing? So I always kind of feel torn between what to do. They're sleep deprived, though. They're very sleep deprived.

Isn't that what happened to Tracy Morgan? The guy fell asleep at the wheel. Yeah. My truck driver. It turns out he had been driving for like 15 hours straight or something. They just take drugs and just keep driving? Yeah. I mean, if you can make more money by staying up,

like, you would do it. Yeah. Yeah. Push it to the limit. Truckie life is crazy. It's crazy. Oh, yeah. Lot lizards.

Call him. Call him's a truck driver. No, he's not. He is. For real? Long haul? Yeah. Who?

No. One of our buddies. Call him Tyrell. He drives trucks. Is he a comedian? Yeah. He drives trucks? Yeah. For fun?

Yeah. Oh. I got a CDL. You do? Yeah. It's in my Yeah. For fun? Yeah. Oh. I got a CDL. You do? Yeah. It's in my wallet. That's awesome. How did you pass?

Was that an extensive test? What does that mean, extensive test? Was it a test? Did you have to go to school for it? No, yeah. You had to pass the actual test. It just says on the top of your license, commercial driver's license, class A. So you can drive the big fucking 18 wheelers?

Yeah, it's in my wallet. Shit. Have you ever? Yeah, that was a part of the job, my last job. If you didn't get your CDL within a year, you were fired. Oh, yeah, yeah, that makes sense. Were you driving 18 wheelers? Not 18 wheelers, so we

drove like big trucks, but not like 18 wheelers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I only used to go. Those ones? I think I could drive one. Yeah, I think you could. Easily. For sure.

Easily. Yeah. I thought about it during my life crisis. And I thought about becoming a trucker. And I actually still follow all these women in trucking accounts because I got so into it like I almost thought that was a viable career for me because I love road trips and I love driving and I was like I crush it as a trucker

I love I love driving as well like driving to Philly yesterday by myself was like very I haven't had a moment to myself in forever peaceful oh yeah just hanging out fall got some hot fries You did?

I love hot That's one of my favorite snacks Yeah Good one Andy Caps Andy Caps Hot fries It's bad for your fingers

Oh you can't You gotta get You gotta get When you buy the hot fries I always grab a bunch of Paper towels And then A water bottle

And then towel Because it is It's a pro move I like to sprinkle them out the window. I like to do my fingers off out the window. Yeah. The muss out. No fuss, no muss.

Yeah. Having a CDL is a fucking badge of honor, though. Yeah. I feel like dude should flash their CDL. They'll be like, yo, I got the CDL. I can't drink tonight. I got to be sober in the morning. You think you just pull up to a lot and get your dick sucked with that?

With the CDL? Yeah. I mean, who's sucking my dick? I don't know. I don't want a truck driver to do it. No, not sucked with that. With the CDL? Yeah. I mean, who's sucking my dick? I don't know. I don't want a truck driver to do it. No, not a truck driver. There's groupies. There's CDL groupies. I don't have my truck today, but I do have a CDL. I don't think so.

Every blue collar group has groupies. Have you seen in Florida right now the bucket bunnies saga? I just saw that, yes. Yeah, bucket bunnies. All these guys, you know the trucks with the buckets that go up and fix the power lines yeah you see there's like convoys of hundreds and hundreds of these trucks oh yeah to fix it yeah and so then on tiktok all these girls were scrolling their tinders and it's nothing but they're called you know the linemen that go up

and it's nothing but guys profile photos are all linemen and these women are like oh wow there's like hundreds of new guys in our town they They're all linemen up in the trucks. And then another series of TikTok is the linemen's wives back home going, hey, bucket bunnies, you better watch the fuck out. He's got a family. So these girls, the groupies of them are called bucket bunnies. And then. Do you think they go up in the bucket with them? Well, then these other group of women was like, I understand how you feel. Our husbands are welders who work on the gas lines

and we call those women ro-hos because they dig the ro-hos of holes. Ro-hos. So you got bucket bunnies, ro-hos, lot lizards. Every group has a lady. Yeah, what about stoolies? No, that's actually the one outlier. Shits.

SBNs. They're so repulsed by us. Wait, did you have ro-hos? Ro-hos? Yeah. Not liars. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. Sons of shit. No No nothing The chick was like Ooh look at you Well we have some people Like we work On the middle of the street So there'd be like People that like walk by And they're like Oh wow like men Those are men

Yeah I'm like See them Those are men Yeah Like I'm a man I work I think those women Are called roadheads

Yeah Like total Very into it Damn dude Speaking of roadhead Did I say that Ronan and I went back We drove back together Roadhead

That's the story Holy fuck Who sucked who Both Same time He was driving While he was sucking That's impressive

You should get a CDL just for that. Yeah. That's how Jerry got his. Being able to pull off that maneuver. No, it's not. You didn't? No. I passed a test, man.

Of Roadhead? No. You don't fuck around about the CDL test. Ever. I want to take it. I loved driving the RV back in the day. The parallel park is the hardest part, I think, in my opinion. Yeah.

Remember the bus? You bought a CB radio at the one stop. Yes. We couldn't figure out how to work it, but you were desperate to talk to the other truckers. Oh, yeah. Me and my buddies, there used to be an app where you could do that. My buddies would be on that all the time, talking to the truckers. Just hanging out with them.

Pretending to be girls? No, pretending to be truckers. Nice. We were like 10. One of my friends had a name. Pretending to be girls? No, pretending to be truckers. Nice. We were like 10, so. I don't know, one of my friends had a name. Are there some roadkill on 75? Yeah, he had a name and he'd be on there all, and people like knew him. What was it?

I forget. It's legendary, but it's not cool because fucking guys with CDLs have serious jobs. I know. They're tired enough as it is. I should be driving these buses now that I'm thinking about it. Yeah. On these trips. I don't. Yeah.

Yeah. Zah, you pretty much have a CDL, right? I was kind of nervous. I'd be nervous a little bit, but yeah. No, let's do it. Yeah, Jerry, you should. Next Grit Week, you're driving the bus. Damn. Wow.

Yeah. Wow. That's awesome. Yeah. Great. That'll be fun. Yeah. Damn, dude.

Is it, did you ever do like a trailer, like a trailer that can jackknife? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Did you ever jackknife it? For the CDL, for when I took it a couple years back, we had to parallel park with the trailer attached. So it was a dump truck with a trailer attached. You had to parallel park it.

Damn. Easy. Oh, Zod. Oh, yeah. Does Zod drive? Oh, yeah. He has a CD attached. You had to parallel park it. Damn. Easy. Oh, Zod. Oh, yeah. Does Zod drive? Oh, yeah. He has a CDL. Yeah.

Oh, wow. I didn't know that. Simulator, yeah. Oh. Yeah. I mean, you're laughing. It's the same thing. Yeah, same thing, bro.

No. Oh, yeah. No, it is. I trust Zod before you. Let's have a parallel park off then. Okay. Can we get a simulator on? Yeah.

Can we get it fired up? Oh, I'd get crushed. Oh, no. Well, let's do it. See, I'm talking about on the road. No, no, no, no. We'll do it right here. We'll do both.

Do both. Yeah. Put it here first, and then we'll get on the road. Yeah. I like this. Let's get it sold. I couldn't even do it in GTA, dude. I couldn't parallel park.

I couldn't go in reverse when you would steal a truck in GTA. I don't even understand the mechanics of what you have to do with the first one to push the trailer back. Yeah. Which way do you have to push it? Opposite. Opposite? Always? Usually, yeah.

Usually isn't always. I mean, you don't want to go all the way. You know what I mean? Huh. I want to see this park off. The way we were, Ronan and I got a coin pulled on us. Yeah. So did Nick and KB.

Same guy. It was actually very funny. We left the Dozen Trivia. Great Night by Jeff D. Lowe. I think the first two episodes air tonight. Yeah. What? On the 7th?

7 p.m. Okay. Oh, 7 p.m. Should I get ahead of my tour joke? Oh. Just even saying that there is one is enough of getting ahead of it. Okay. I forgot we were on YouTube for the dozen.

The jokes you say in a live audience are going to be different than the jokes you say that are recorded on a podcast or a video. I'd like people, Yak listeners, to maybe, you know. Some grace. Just see if anyone's coming at me in Twitter. Just go back at them. Let's fucking band together. What was the joke? Frank said, Frank did the Justin Fields song, Strawberry Fields Forever.

And he was just like ripping on Justin Fields. And I kind of lost my cool. And I was like, Frank, your quarterback's eating applesauce through a straw right now why don't you worry about yourself and like 30 seconds later i was like oh fuck right we're gonna be on youtube aren't we now people won't care about that that was i mean it was a funny joke it was a funny joke it got the perfect amount of like laughter and booze oh really oh yeah it got some booze it was it was an Like, we, I just love doing those live shows. It's so much fun. Oh, yeah, Philly showed up.

Oh, Philly just was. Philly was whooping it up. You got to do your first Eagles cheer. Eagles chant was so, like, it just, like, chills down your spine when you do the Eagles chant. Sass, you ever done one? So many times. Oh, but have you ever started one? Yes.

No, you haven't. Anytime I have more than three beers, no matter where I am, I'm calling them out. Yeah. How does it go? Dude, I'm not going to do it right now. See, because you can't do it. You don't know it. You've never done it.

You don't even have the confidence to say it for the first time. I don't have the confidence to say it on here, no. Why? It's embarrassing. What's not? E-A-G-L-E-S. Eagles. Oh, yeah.

Sick. We don't have a terrible towel. A terrible towel is sick. A terrible towel is sick. I'm going to the Eagles-Steel-S. Eagles. Oh, yeah. Sick. We don't have a terrible towel. A terrible towel is sick. A terrible towel is sick. I'm going to the Eagles-Steelers game. Awesome. On the 30th. Awesome.

I'm too afraid to go to that stadium. Oh. Why? Nah, man. I just can't do it. I'm scared. For what? Not Owen?

I don't know. I thought that was a swore that was Owen. We got an Owen. Not Owen. Not Owen lookalike Doesn't it look like him? It does Same vibe

You're scared of that stadium? I feel like if I go there I'd Somebody will stab me Francis want to come on? You can come on I mean Rowan

Francis is taking They're crazy aren't they? I know what you're saying And I I normally am like There's nothing to worry about But I also know how you are That you're not going to be like,

oh, like it's all good fun, like high five, and you kind of have to do that if you're an opposing fan. We had a bunch of fans sitting behind us at the last game I was at, and I was like giving them shit or whatever, and they were very nice, very gracious about it. Like if it was you and I was giving you shit, you probably would have fucking like punched me in the face. You also, like people, like I went to Bears Eagles I don't know I

was like four or five years ago Bears got demolished so that probably makes it a little easier but like people were because they're Barstool fans like Philly's a Barstool city yeah so it was like everyone was very nice and gracious yeah I think you'd get a pass kind of I don't think people like you enough that. I don't know. I don't know. It's just, you know. No reason to put yourself in that stress, though, if you're that worried about it.

Or you could get like a box or something where you're not with, you know. I'm not rich, so I can't get a box. I'm saying you could get, but you know people. Just send a DM or some shit like that. Yeah, Dan, maybe. You want a box? We'll set it up. Get in the box.

Just box tickets. I think box tickets are accessible. You don't have to have your own private box, but when you're with the people who are in boxes, that's, you know, they're less likely to stab, or the knife will be, like, more dull. That was the first time I ever sat in a box, and I hated it. When we went. Air Steelers? Yeah.

It does feel like you're not, like, at the game. Yeah, I like being there. I like being right there, first row. I want to see my guys. First row is psycho. First row for football is psycho. No, it's not. Yeah, it is.

Why? You're not an all-22 guy. You don't watch the film. Okay, what does that mean? I interact with fans. I'm a first-row guy, too. What? Yep.

You can't see anything. Yeah, but you see your boys. You see your boys, my guys. I want to see my guys. Correct. You can watch the All-22 when it comes out on Tuesday, Wednesday. Oh, I like being 300 level. Let the play develop.

With the people, yeah. You can count the safeties. See the coverages. Break down some film live. I'm such an asshole when I watch it. Seen that, right? What was that, a bug? A fly, yeah.

You got a fly attacking you? We got some threats here, probably. Yeah, a little bit of garbage. Francis, what's up, brother? How are you guys? Where's that shirt from, the American West? Fit off. Let's get the fit off.

I know. It looks good. I try so much harder to dress when I have a day where I suspect I might come on the yak. Really? Yeah. Yeah, 100%. I knew KB and Nick were out today. I thought, ooh, they're going to be a little light.

Okay, got to care about my fit. And then you take a leisurely stroll to an area where you probably would never be if you didn't think you were going to go on the Yak. I was going out to get my salad, but I was looking over, and it's like when Johnny Carson gives you the wave over to the couch, and the cat gives you the wave over to the couch.

Yeah. The cat gives you the, eh. All Franks are alike. It's the same move. Yeah. That's his move as well. Frank will come and just press his whole body up against the glass. Frank, when he walks by, he's like, yeah, it's like you're at an aquarium or something.

Yeah. He wades in. Slowly walks by, and you're just like, whoa, what's going on here? He's just looking at you yeah he's not like you'll give like a subtle glance he'll come and stare

and we're the fish in this analogy he's a person oh yeah we're in the tank and he's just slowly like oh oh

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oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh I had to kiss last night. No, a guy. We had to kiss. I thought he looked like Stavros. Yeah. He did. He looked like a delight. He looked like a good time.

He was a delightful guy. It was very funny because we went, after the show, we went to get into my car, and we get in the car, and Roan just turns to me, frantic, and he goes, drive, drive, drive. Go, go, go. I was like, what the fuck? He's like, the guy's got a coin. It was the guy sitting right next to us, parked next to us. He's just holding his coin.

He's like fumbling to get it out. There's my kiss. It was like a horror right next to us parked next to us he's just holding his coin like oh he's like fumbling it was like a horror movie i was like trying to get out go go go go go go and you to your credit like started like jamming yeah i was like oh why so yeah we kissed him got a kiss from both of us i i got mine real fast as his boy was getting his phone out and i smacked him on the cheek real quick, planted one on him. But then by the time Big Cat got around, the guy was about to film Big Cat. And he was like, dude, no pictures. Let's keep it between us. Let's keep this between men.

We know what happened. After. Oh, they got one there. Yeah, he wanted cheek. He didn't want lips. I gave him cheek. I didn't really give him the option of cheek or lip. Did you give him the option?

I gave him lips. You guys knew too. In the group chat, you're like, this is coin number 44. Are you guys keeping list of who I think you should go until you get every coin kiss? I don't think I want to do that. I do. I want to know.

I've had two coins pulled on me, but both of them were like, I don't want to kiss. They're like, I just have a coin. I was like, it's kind of cool. It was my first time seeing one in person I don't want a kiss. Oh, interesting. They're like, I just have a coin. Wow. I was like, it's kind of cool. That was my first time seeing one in person. Yeah. Quite a delight.

And if once you give them the kiss, you then get the coin back? No, no. So we sold 250 of them, sold in like two seconds. They can redeem a kiss, one-time kiss from every member of the Yak, but they have to see him in the wild. So that number 44, if I ever see him again he doesn't get another kiss and honestly we did have a rule about nothing

at barstool events but you said but you also said to sell tickets that this would be a barstool event that we would kiss at and I imagine that he bought a ticket just for the kiss was he the only one that pulled one on you guys And I imagine that he bought a ticket just for the kiss. Wow. To smooch with us fellas.

Was he the only one that pulled one on you guys? Yeah. Because I got a different person that they pulled one on. Oh, at the dozen last night? At the event, it was him and his girlfriend. It was very uncomfortable. Did you kiss? Because you're just looking at each other.

He said he didn't want to. So he pulled it up, and then the girl was there, and you're just looking at each other like, all right, let's do it. And then he's like, nope. What's the point of buying these coins if you don't get a kiss? Yeah.

Who are these people? You're like hoarding them. I'm actually offended. If anyone comes up to me and they're like, I have a coin and I don't want to kiss, I'm going to slap them in the face. With your lips. That's actually a rule now.

Declared. Maybe not for everyone, but for me. If you say you don't want to kiss, slap in the face. Wait, isn't kiss or slap Like a TikTok game What is that game

It's like the lamest thing Of all time Like good looking dudes Like shirtless Will go up to a girl On like Venice Beach And be like Kiss or slap

Oh my god It's so It is Extremely corny Like if you went to Times Square You watch it 75 people filming videos

Like that Watch this If I say kiss You gonna give me a kiss Right now If you went to Times Square, I bet there'd be 75 people filming videos like that. I want to watch this. If I say kiss, you going to give me a kiss right now? I don't know. You got to see. Wait, a girl is doing it? Give me a kiss. Give me a kiss.

Usually a dude. No, you give me a kiss. That don't look right. No, no, no. Hold on. No, you got to give me a kiss. That don't look right. No, just give me a kiss.

No, you give me a kiss. He's right. If you kiss a woman, it's gay, but if a woman kisses you. Fellas, is it gay to kiss a woman? Oh! Okay. Nice. That girl must have just done some exercise.

That's no other excuse for her to be wearing a hat like that. Bottom right, bottom right. Yeah. Kiss or slap? What? Kiss or slap? Kiss or slap? Kiss or slap? Yeah.

What do you mean? You pick one and you do it to me. Huh? You pick one and that's what you do to me. Either I kiss you or I slap you? Yeah. Or where do I kiss you? You pick.

Oh, that guy's so horny. I live here. You live here? Yeah. Where? In Miami. Come to the beach with me? In Miami. Come to the beach with me? I do.

Come to the beach? You've got to get to know her first. I appreciate that. You should. You should. You should. Okay. All right.

Sounds good. Well, kiss or slap? Ooh. I mean, I don't condone hitting women but it would be funny if he just cracked her in the face. It was like alright. I thought it was gonna be that kiss or slap

the girl will either kiss the guy or she'll slap him. I think that's the way it normally is but she like flipped it on its head kind of for whatever reason. Yeah it makes sense. Usually a guy asks a girl

kiss or slap so the girl can slap the guy. You're right. Right. That's what it usually is girls doing it that makes you girls are just asking for a kiss who would ever slap a woman how can you slap james bond would do how can you slap how can you how can you slap yeah but that was a woman that was a woman slapping a man yeah there's also this popular shot going around right now at the college campuses this is just for my tick-tocking where the like the guy pays the like hot lady bartender money for a shot that she puts

in her mouth spits in his face and then she slaps him oh it's a new orleans thing is it it's making the rounds right now or no there's a there's like a chair that you go to in new orleans where it's like a barber chair where they like spin you around and slap the shit out of you that's cool they're like i like that rub their titties in your face and then slap the shit out of you. That's cool. I like that. Rub their titties in your face and then slap the shit out of you. They do a couple things. You guys know the nude barber? What? No, that's like a...

Why do you just have that most people grin on your face? No, no, no. It's like a very... I feel like TJ, do you know it? Say again? Dude barber? Yes, I can't hear him. Say again.

Put on your headphones. Nude barber. My headphones don't work. Oh. I think I know who you're talking about. Exclusive cuts. It's a real deep online thing. If it's what you're talking about, there is a guy that has an OnlyFans around being a

gay naked barber, and then he has sex with a guy. But he cuts his hair. Speaking of OnlyFans, did we find Jeff Nudu's cock? I think so. They deleted the... Someone deleted their OnlyFans, did we find Jeff Nadeau's cock? I think so. They deleted the, someone deleted their OnlyFans. Wow. So wait, he went on someone else's OnlyFans and had like sex on it? Oh, pull up the tweet.

I mean, it's all Nadeau. I think he deleted the tweet. That's why I love Nadeau. What's the full backstory on this? Because I kind of, I saw people searching for Nadeau's cock, but I missed the whole story. Oh, he deleted his tweet? Oh, here it is. Well I can confirm I just received word that

a former text at 11pm to link up partner has used my member as talent for her OnlyFans. I cannot confirm where but if you find it enjoy. That's a pretty nice point of view about it because it's kind of fucked up. Revenge porn.

And I said like, Nadeau, like, Nadeau brother, I'll find that cock from KB. I said Nadeau, like, what a class act to just be like, enjoy my cock. That's a very nice thing to do. Yeah. But no one got to.

No one got to enjoy his cock. Or they found it and... He should have to post his cock. I mean, now that he's... He bragged about it a little. To enjoy. Do you think she told him or some other guy who was like, Nadu, I just saw your cock? Oh, I think he saw his own cock and was like, that's my cock.

Oh, he was... Oh. Yeah. I'm not certain that I would know mine. I wouldn't know mine. If you guys were given a lineup of like 50 cocks, could you pick yours out? Smallest one, yeah. Easy. No problem. I don't know. Mine twists like a double helix you pick yours out? Smallest one, yeah. Easy. No problem. I don't know. Mine twists like a double helix.

Is yours ginger? Oh, yeah. Like, you can tell it's like the owner of this cock is a ginger. Yeah, I mean, if I'm not keeping it nice and tight. But I'm saying regardless of the pubes, like, do you have freckles on it? Oh, no. No. No. It would be funny if it was like that's a ginger.

It's not disgusting. Freckles are cute. On a dick? Yeah, that'd be kind of cute. You get a little sunbathing and the freckles come out? Can they have freckles? I don't think so. I don't know. I bet they can.

I would think so. I imagine anything. I imagine if't know. I bet they can. I would think so. I imagine anything can. I imagine if it's skin, it can freckle. DJ, pull up freckled cock. Sounds like a British dish. Yeah, it does. It does. Freckled cock.

Freckled cock. Spotted dick. Spotted dick. It tastes so bland. I'd be like, what is it? Freckled cock with a side of beans. And it's got just the blandest dish you've ever had. Yeah, it's just great.

Oh. Yeah. Huh. That actually doesn't look bad for British food, I guess. I don't know. I just had two bowls of oatmeal, so I can't really talk. I'd be able to probably not recognize the dick, but the balls I can. You know your balls?

Well, because, yes. Because one of them is, I don't know if this is a lot of guys, but one of my balls is lower than the other. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. My right is lower than my left. It's true of me, too. Okay.

Is there anything to be done about balls getting lower and lower? No. No. I don't think so. Ball plastic surgery is becoming a real big thing, like a big industry. I think more in the gay community. I'm not even worried about the aesthetic. I'm more concerned that I've heard it actually is not very good for your health.

Why? Something about like your sperm count gets lower. Oh, because the temperature. It's all about temperature. The farther away they are from your body, the colder that sperm's getting. I don't know if I'm reaching critically low levels. Low T? He's low balls.

His balls are low physically. They do have freckled cock. Freckled monster cock. Oh, my God. Interesting. There was like 60,000 results. That's shocking. Francis, you have,000 results. Yeah, that's shocking. Francis, you have high T, I think.

Maybe, maybe. All your deep voice? Yeah, how much do you sleep? I sleep a lot. I'm very good about sleeping. Yeah. Is that high T, to sleep a lot? I don't know.

I think it helps the T if you sleep a lot. Oh, it's healthy, yeah. Billy said that in one of my frequent conversations about tea with Billy he said that having high testosterone makes you get into more arguments

no less arguments fuck I botched this more would seem what about estrogen with arguments I don't even know it makes sense more I need to get tea

I need to get fucking I don't mean to get too personal but I was making love to my wife the other day ah what position I can't I don't mean to get too personal, but I was making love to my wife the other day. Ah. What position? I can't... Well, we tried a few.

Okay, nice. Yeah, we did the old carousel. Okay. But I remember at the end, I had the thought, if we had been trying, that load felt like it had real conviction. It was a weight bearing load it was a it would have been a successful

mission based load I said boy oh boy if we'd been trying I felt proud of it that's going to be leaky you know I did it and I said to myself that's it

and then she was taking a piss one day Oh, you know. Yeah. I did it, and I said to myself, that's it. I know that's it. And then she was taking a piss one day, and she's like, babe, babe, babe. And this is the exactly way it happened. She's like, look, look, look, I'm pregnant, crying, excited. And I said, fuck. It was that load. It was that one. You could pinpoint the load.

How did you know? How did you know? How did you know? You knew right away? Oh, I knew right away. What were the telltale signs, though? Like, what was going through you? Just, you know, I think it's not like the load. It's like how good the sex was.

Oh. And I said, yeah, this is it. Little Jerry's being born. Jerry, that was not the case for me. For me, it was like, whoa, I had four or five more shutters than I usually do. That one carried on. That's some afterburners. You know, I must have eaten well.

I don't know what it was, but I was like, oh, boy. Oh, boy. The tremors after the aftershock. I'm not sure that birth control has a chance tonight. That's pretty cool, though, that you know exactly the moment Jerry Jr. was conceived. Well, not only did I know, you know, she knew as well. Yeah. I mean, they know.

The girls, they know, like, when it, hey, if it happens this time, it's going to happen. Did you know? I mean, I fucked up my birth control that week. I was down the jersey shore partying and i was like ah like i'll i whatever i told myself i was like i'm old like the odds are so low i had dropped a pill like and i was like i'll find it tomorrow yeah um which is fucked up yeah because i was like pat doesn't need to know and then yeah like i think i knew before i took a test though like you know yeah i just i was

i was just walking down the street one day and i was like uh-oh i think i'm knocked up it was yeah yeah that's amazing great story he'll love cherish that someday i just picture sperm like running into birth control like a battering ram at the wall of a castle just like yeah and it's like is it gonna eventually get the orcs trying to take down helms deep yeah dude you gotta do it you do think you have a little leeway with it like I fucked up like I wasn't like you're supposed to take it the exact same time every day but like I

I'm so forgetful I'd be like my alarm would go off but I wouldn't be able to be like I'd take it in a few more hours like you think you have more leeway than you do because I was taking it and I still let this be a cautionary tale to all you can still get knocked out that sucks so much that women have to like take a pill every like I can't I would never remember to do that.

I sometimes forget to brush my teeth. True story. That was gross. I can read a room. That was gross. I got it. Cool, guys. Oh, look at me.

It's going to get such crazy interaction on main. Not often, but every now and then I'll like leave the house and be like wait I don't think I brushed my teeth I'll come to your defense as a dad it happens when you don't

like that's just part of your it's not often you don't have a routine every like four months I keep a toothbrush here because I get here sometimes and I'm like oh my god

I don't even think I put on deodorant today I don't think you have a toothbrush that's why I always wear a hat yeah I forgot my keys the other day yeah I know Jerry's hat. I forgot my keys the other day.

I know Jerry's not forgetting. Jerry smells good all the time. He's one of the best smellers. It's not the best dude, but I'm saying tooth. You don't have... No, I'm good hygiene. You have great hygiene. I shave my legs. Really? Do you really?

Once it gets to a point where it's getting... So now, this is three months now, I think, three or four months, I'll shave him. Probably in about a week or so. Just shave him clean? Clean, yeah. Are you serious? Clean, yeah.

Like a swimmer? Yeah. Can I just see? Can you just show a little calf? It's a little long. It's long now, but you can tell I shaved my legs. Oh my God, you can? Whoa!

So why do you... Does it just bother you? Yeah, it not grosses me out. I don't know how to say it. It gets annoying a little bit. Are you a pretty hairy guy? Oh, yeah, my back is gone. So you get your back done?

He shaves his back on the show. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, it's bad. I've never heard of somebody, a guy shaving their legs just because it bothered them. Yeah. He's a swimmer. Arms, too. He's got swimmers. Do you do your arms

as well? How long does that take? Because if I let myself go, it takes a while. So what I do, I found out the trick. What I do now when I'm getting ready to go through this process, I get a haircutting like buzzer and I'll just and then I'll do the shave.

Smart. Because you can kind of let it go a little bit longer than a woman can. Yeah, wintertime I let it go a little bit. But, like, when I want to get a little freaky, I'll show a calf muscle and I'll shave him up. What are they looking at right now? They're, like, about time to get done. Let me see. Just show her.

You can tally shaves and stuff. Like, you can see it's, like, fresher. Oh, yeah. Jerry, that's gross. You need to shave. Yeah, I'm going to., though. Like, you can see it's, like, fresher. Oh, yeah. Jerry, that's gross. You need to shave. Yeah, I'm going to. Please shave. Jerry, there was a winter where I was.

Am I the craziest or is that not long at all? That was gross. I don't want to see that ever. Yeah, no, it's pretty long. Well, I feel like that's. Like, my leg hair is, like, way longer than that. Oh, yeah. Oh, I would never.

Oh, my gosh. It's completely normal. Dude, shave that. I mean, I'm definitely. Save it. Ew. This is normal. It's completely normal. Shave that. I mean, I'm definitely... Shave it. Ew. This is normal. It's peachy.

You have like stubble on your legs. Oh, shave that, Sass. My ankles are too thin to be shaved, dude. I would look like a fucking old lady there. You don't have much leg hair. I don't have much leg hair. You have no leg hair. I would love to have that leg.

By the standards of this program, for some reason, that seems wooly as well. I never, people think I shave my legs. I'm sorry, dude, but if I shave my shit, I would look like a fucking woman, dude. My shit's dainty. I'd look like a Barbie. I've never, I've shaved my ankle one time because I had to put a Band-Aid on, and that was it. Is that what you say for the house arrest monitor? The house arrest monitor?

Yeah. No drink? No, it was because it was actually a blister. It was when I got these shoes, actually. Oh, damn. Fuck, dude. That's impressive. Yeah. Yeah. No drink. No, it was because actually a blister. It was when I got these shoes, actually. Oh, damn. Fuck, dude. That's impressive. Soft as fuck. I know. I would love to get the laser done. Same. How permanent is that? Full body? I don't know.

Like a hairless... If I was doing the laser, I'd just go right for the back, just to see. Yeah. What were you saying? One summer you did what? One winter I was skiing a lot and my boots were chafing so i shaved my leg from from the top of the boot down and it looked weird you know i think if you're gonna do any part of the leg you got a similar basketball you should play basketball

yeah eighth best sport eighth yeah eighth and all time i would old school bar stool moment yeah i would i would tape my ankles because I roll my ankles a lot. And to have your ankles taped all the time but having hairy ankles, that sucked. So I also shaved it at that point. But it looks terrible to shave half your leg. Yeah. But I thought to do the whole leg would be even stranger. No, Jerry looks great.

Jerry looks great. I love it. We're in a different world now. I mean, I feel like you say that 10 years ago. I don't know. I'm not sure you'd get away with it. No, Jerry looks great. Jerry looks great. I love it. We're in a different world now. I mean, I feel like you say that 10 years ago. I don't know. I'm not sure you'd get away with it. No, probably not. Jerry's all man.

I don't know if you'd get away with it now. Chive would have you on a list or something. Yeah. I shaved my stomach once, and I got out of the shower, and I was like, what the fuck? Why did you do that? Wait, you have hair on your stomach?

Yeah, a lot. We've never seen your torso, so. No, and you never will. Ever. Oh, yeah, I shaved my stomach, and I got out of the shower, and I was like, I look like a fucking freak right now. Oh, dude, don't say that. No, I did.

Oh, dude, you didn't look like a freak. Never had the temptation to just be like. I've shaved my whole, yeah, my whole torso, my chest. I don't have hair on my chest, just my stomach. Yeah, I have very little hair on my chest, just my stomach. I have very little hair on my chest or my armpits. You don't have hair on your stomach? Yeah, that's like how much I have.

I have a problem where I get high sometimes and I get bothered by the hair on my body. Is that lint? Ew, gross. Oh, damn. A little lint, yeah. I'll make a sweater out of this thing. It's deep. What do you want me to do? I have a deep belly button.

Cover it up. My belly button is so deep, you get lost in it. It's like those pictures of NASA when they're like, look at the bars. It does look like a terrible butthole. There was this guy, Belly Button Man, on Twitter. Oh, yeah. Oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah.

He used to send me videos. He could fit like five hot dogs in his belly button. And on my birthday, he put like, however old I was, candles in his belly button. Ooh, I could fit some coins in my belly button for sure. How many? I don't know. Do we have any pennies? Yeah, does anybody have coins?

Let's get some pennies. Anyone got pennies? Steven, can you go find some pennies? That is foul. There is a story about, at this old place I worked, the Ale House, about this guy who would come around to the Christmas party, an old timer, who would fucking stretch his nutsack into a fucking cornucopia that he would carry fruit around in. He had his nutsack that could stretch long enough that there could be multiple pieces

of fruit and he would walk around the Christmas party offering people fruit out of his fucking nutsack. Where was this again? At the ale house in Plymouth Meeting. Hell yes. The old ale house. I can't imagine having a nutsack that long. No.

Hell of a bat wing. Thinking of sort of butterfly wings. Yeah. You know, you could paint. You could paint it. Yeah. It's like a gourd. It's like a whole pumpkin, dude.

That's so much. Or like when you used to carry a bunch of shit in your shirt. You would have to stretch your shirt out. We would pick up tennis balls at the end of the clinic. Yeah. Just one penny? Oh, that's going to be easy. Well, no.

Can you disappear it in there? As many as you can get. You could fit a roll of quarters in that thing. Nah. Not a roll. Not a roll. A couple of dimes, I think. I mean, that penny, you can't. You don't have to. Nah. Not a roll. Not a roll. A couple dimes, I think. Big Cat could...

I mean, that penny, you can't... Wow! That's a magic trick! Holy shit! Whoa. There it is. There it is.

It's in there. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Looks like you pierced it. That's the G spot right there. There's something really troubling about the up-close view. I know.

It's so fun. Zaha's sick to his... Dude, John Cena almost fucked my belly button once. Find that clip, TJ? John Cena, he looked at my belly button. He's like, I want that. He was going through a breakup. It actually caused him to get a divorce, yeah.

Yeah, he was going through a breakup, and he's like, damn, that's a hole. His wife saw it and was like, what? You want to fuck that guy's belly button? Someone's got to remind me that I got a penny in my belly button, because I'll forget. Wait, Billy, Billy. I just need that fact that he was talking about

estrogen and starting arguments or some shit. It's just going to drive me crazy. Yo, what was that fact you were telling me about estrogen and starting arguments or some shit like that

or people who have certain levels of testosterone or like who starts arguments or some shit like that? Is Dr. Billy football? Dr. Billy, you were giving me, you were spitting knowledge and I fucking fumbled it when I tried to say it. You're getting a fit off today, Billy.

I know, he looks very cool. I'm going to the woods. Back to Sydney soon. And Donnie's going to be sick. Malcolm Gladwell wrote a piece about how Southerners get angrier easier because they're from pastoral communities and sheep herding communities where it's easier to steal livestock. So they had to be more aggressive to keep their livestock.

It's pretty sick. So what does that have to do with estrogen and testosterone? They have high E, low E, high T, low T. Which one is it? Well, dudes on steroids get angry a lot. Facts. Wait, how does that relate to what you just said?

I just said something totally different. Damn, you blessed me with a fact, and I just am never going to remember it now. But that was a good other fact to replace it with. Thank you. Oh, no, wait, wait. No, the harm people, estrogen is actually the hormone that causes anger. Yes. Where did I hear that?

I don't know, but you gave it to me as a gift. I forgot about that. Estrogen is the hormone that causes anger. Where did I hear that? I don't know, but you gave it to me as a gift. Estrogen is the hormone that causes anger. Thank you, brother. I got a quarter, a dime, and two pennies in there. No problem. Wow. No problem. You got to go buy something, and when they ask for it,

pull it out of your belly button. Oh, yeah. You got change? Yeah, here you go. Grab like one now and later at the deli right there. Or like the stand out front, something like that. It's like a pack of gum that's a specific amount of change. Got change for that?

Yeah, no problem. Yeah, I'm giving you that gum for free. Not touching that. They're not touching the – have you ever seen the restaurants that have – or like it's mostly gas stations, but they're like no bra or underwear money? Yeah. Like no bra money or sock money? It doesn't say belly button. It doesn't or sock money? It doesn't say belly button.

It doesn't say belly button. It doesn't say belly button. I could get a... Nothing about belly button. Oh, yeah. He has four nipples, and I have one of the deepest belly buttons you'll ever see. Can you tell us what's going on? Let's see it.

That's the third nipple. That's the third one. And then I got a fourth one. Okay. Somewhere around here. It's lost. Oh, there it is. Okay.

Do you see this belly button? You get lost in it. That's a good one. Yeah. Okay. Do you see this belly button? You get lost in it. That's a good one. Yeah. Okay, so. Is this milkable? So. How far could you get your tiny penis in here?

Well, honestly, that looks like a homey vagina. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Come on, defleck my belly button. That's a cave. Yeah. That's a hilarious line by him. For him, yeah.

I wanted some of that. Totally unfazed. Took a total, he was looking at it, and he's like, yeah. Right before that meeting, or before that, I feel like he was going through it. Yeah, he was.

He was pacing back and forth on the phone, dead serious in the office. He'd just broken up with Nikki Bella, I think. Then went in and was just hilarious, which proves that trauma makes you way funnier. Yeah. So that he's such a pro. He's a pro's pro.

That is a pro right there. There are certain people that are pros from the wrestling world. Wrestlers, yeah, dude. The Rock, MJF. That's unbelievable. Oh, we had another moment with him that didn't go as well recently. Yeah, didn't you guys have a bad interview with him recently? Oh, no.

We just joked about he was like there was a rumor that he died, and so we were joking about how sick that would be, to be able to see everyone talk about how awesome you are while you're still alive. And he was like, I just had a friend die, so I don't find this funny. Oh, yeah. Oh, okay. That's not very pro. Cool.

Yeah. Yeah. You could do that anytime. Correct. Anything. Yeah. You could do that anytime. Correct. Anything. Correct. Like, yo, big cat, you know, you're putting money in your belly button. I actually lost a cousin who did that and then sunk.

Sunk to the bottom of the ocean. Forgot to take out the quarters. They were weighted down with quarters. Swam, sank. You could at any time. Such a get out of jail free card yeah i know someone who died facts everyone knows someone who died but everybody knows somebody who died in a way that relates to what we're talking about yeah and you know here's something so like sometimes people

will say blah blah blah some shit and then you say something like a retort back to them and then they play the like actually my dad or yeah so you're like wow your mom didn't think that and then they're like my mom just died yeah and then you're like well fuck like i'm you know she should have taken better care of herself like you can quadruple down on that in my opinion because if you're willing to invoke the death of your mother in this stupid exchange that you started, then it's not my duty to honor her memory and respect you all of a sudden. That doesn't make any sense to me. You brought it to the table. Yeah.

I like to do the reverse when someone pulls out a bunch of cash. I'm like, what, did your grandmother die recently? How did you get that? Yeah, that is good. I'm like, oh, yeah, my grandmother really died. And I'm like, what, did your grandmother die recently? How'd you get that? Yeah, then I'm like, oh yeah, my grandmother really died. And I'm like, yeah, I know, I just said that. Nice. I like to double down and be like, if someone died or it was murder or something,

I'll just throw it up on the blog or something like that. Yeah, me too. Nice. Didn't see that coming. That was Francis 1.0, sir. We're onto the number two model. Thinking about me before the update. Yeah. You should actually make before the update yeah you should

actually make software update you should have ron do steve jobs and and reveal francis 2.0 like apple convention that'd be a funny video i like that all new model side yeah we have new features like sympathy oh yeah i want that video to be made. That'd be so good. Just comes out on the green screen, yeah. I know. You're just, like, standing there like a robot. Like that fucking Elon Musk robot that the dudes had to, like, wheel out.

It's like, what? Did you see that video? Yeah, yeah. No, what was it? Elon Musk. See, if you fight it, TJ, they're, like, unveiled the new, Elon Musk has a new robot. But it was, like, three dudes, like new robot, but it was like three dudes struggling to bring it out on stage.

It's like, what's the point of the robot if it can't fucking walk on its own? Elon Musk gets no shit for spreading his seed, but Nick Cannon and NBA Youngboy get all the shit for spreading their seed. People crush fucking Nick Cannon. He's a punchline. I think it's Nick Cannon. He has kids like 20 days apart. He just had two kids

were born like 10 days apart. Right. It's pretty aggressive. Also, Elon will be in a relationship and then have a lot of children with that person. The relationship ends. He moves on to the next person.

I understand it. If you have to have dudes struggling The relationship ends. He moves on to the next person. I understand it. Like, that's... If you have to have dudes, like... Like, struggling to bring out your robot. Like, I'm sorry, I'm not impressed. Yeah. I also feel like if your robot looks like what a fifth grader's idea of what a robot's supposed to look like...

Yeah, we saw this in iRobot. It was about 25 years ago. Maybe not the most effective robot. I don't know. Totally. Didn't he have the truck, too, where it's impenetrable? Yeah. He threw a rock through it.

It just exploded. Yeah. I love that shit. That was so fun. Or did you see he was doing a presentation with four Tesla executives up on stage with him, and he was making all these promises, and you could just see the guys fucking bugging out, being like, dude, we're not going to be able to do this. This is going to be way too fucking hard.

It must be sweet to just be able to make promises on other people's brains. Oh, yeah. Well, that Twitter sale went through, didn't it, finally? They just decided. Yeah, I think so. I don't know what that means. They're saying it's like back on.

I can't follow that shit. At this point, who would have ever thought that the acquisition of you know a 44 billion dollar company would turn into a kardashian plot line yeah it's it's mired in this bullshit like petty drama i wouldn't have thought like you don't you don't expect to think of that i don don't know. I just hope this doesn't affect all the bots that like my stuff. Yeah, those are great. I desperately need them. Trump can come back, whatever. That's great.

But the bots. Trump coming back to Twitter would be great. Don't touch my bots. He was so good at Twitter. He was. He was so good at Twitter. Did you guys see the Gillian Keeves special last night? No, I need to we were we were

in philip was in it i know for the uh dozen but what he did how do i buy it or can i buy it on my tv go to gilliankeeves.tv you can watch it on your laptop you could watch you could get it on your tv i think how long is it it's an hour oh awesome i'm gonna watch it tonight it's amazing and there's a trump sketch i'm not in which is why I'm touting it, that I thought was very funny. I won't give it away. The whole trailer looks incredible.

You have it on your phone? Let's just play it for free. He would love that. You should play the trailer, though, because you're in the trailer, and I want to hear more about the sketch that you did, because that shit looked fucking... The last sketch in that whole video, or the whole whole special was like one of the more well-written sketches like i've ever seen that the compliance one yeah so there's a character named francis in that one yeah i was supposed to play oh really i couldn't make the shoot day and they cast someone else

oh and i'm devastated because i thought that that was you have one of the best sketches i was doing i was on the road. I was performing. So I couldn't have made it. Then they put me in two different ones. You should have just said you had COVID. For my shows? Well, I would have lost real money. How much?

Imagine if you were in the Francis skit. I mean, yeah. It is one of the funniest sketches I've ever done. Probably everyone in it is going to propel to a superstar. They are on their way. That whole group has been amazing for like a decade now. Over a decade. Thank you, guys.

Welcome to the show. Welcome to Gillian Key, the sketch show. So we're basically going to show you guys a bunch of sketches. We'll come back out with that. Are you a middle-aged Italian? We're basically going to show you guys a bunch of sketches. We'll come back out with that. Are you a middle-aged Italian man? We're basically going to show you guys a bunch of sketches. He popped back up in there. Are you a middle-aged Italian man that just moved out of his parents' house?

I bet you didn't. But let's say you did. If you guys keep treating me like this, I'm going to end up fucking blowing my own head off. You guys want me to blow off my fucking head? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The government used people with Philly accents? The kid from Ozark, too?

That was nuts. Terrorists. I'm excited to watch this. Yeah, it's going to be good. Also, you said last night we might have a redemption. Yes, dude. Shane Gillis case race. That's where I was yesterday.

I want a redemption. Wow. I was with them recording their show, Matt and Shane's show, and Shane said he wants to come back on. I think that would be the best thing. It would put a nice... He wants to defend this title, but he also wants to sow seeds of goodwill with the yak.

He's offering the olive branch to the dove for the peace treatise. Here's a technical question. Could one theoretically empty all of the beers into a larger container and then just drink from that? Yeah, I guess so. It'd get warm, though, wouldn't it? I guess that's actually kind of an advantage, though. Yeah, we figured that out.

So you think you just chug like 14 beers at once? I think if I put 10 beers into a massive, massive beaker, I'd be more compelled to drink it. Plus, you eliminate the time of closing it or opening it. It's like you ever go to a German beer hall where they have a glass boot and you can't put it down? That's fun. That was pre-COVID days. Well, you can't put it down.

The rule was, in Wisconsin, there a uh bar called the essen house that had half price boots on thursday night so we'd always go and just get fucking shit faced and listen to poca and uh you you get the you get the boot and you're not supposed to let it touch the the table so you have to keep passing it around and then whoever finishes the boot i think there was a rule that if you finish the boot, you had to do something. It was a good time. I went to Oktoberfest when I was in college. Like in Germany?

Oh, okay. Does it live up to the hype? That's better, what I'm saying. No, you lost that story. Victory, Francis. Yeah. That's cute. Oh, I got arrested, though.

Oh. Double victory, fuck. I wrote the blog when I was back in france 1.0 nice you just resurface all those honestly just like republish all those blog yourself you should what's that you blog yourself you honestly should dude why not who who cares i had some i had some uh some some ones back then i thought were pretty good if you just reblog yourself you could just be like number one every week. There you go. Just have a fucking stretch. It's tough to compete with these guys on these blog rankings.

You got to be really frequent about blogging. But you're putting out quality. Yeah. What are you saying, Sass? That Reeves isn't putting out quality? How many blogs a day? We actually were talking, so we had to figure out what the Cyber Monday

gimmick is going to be this year. Ro and I were discussing on the ride back yesterday, and I think, I've got to figure it out. Jerry, you might be part of it, because the Steelers play that Monday night. So it might be something where you don't get to watch the game or someone has to. I don't think I would do that. Yeah, no, that's, yeah.

I don't think so. And the other thing I thought of is like something where if Rico loses, he has to. I don't think I would do that. No, that's. Yeah. I don't think so. And the other thing I thought of is like something where if Rico loses, he has to blog 100 blogs in a week. Jesus Christ. How great would that be? That would be hard. Really hard. Yeah.

20 blogs a day. And if he doesn't do it, he's fired. That would be nuts. I think I would probably just bang out all 100 in one day. You think you could? No. Didn't you say that when you were one day. You think you could? No. Didn't you say that when you were going to smoke cigarettes for the weekend? Yeah.

You smoked like two cigarettes and you're like, I can't do this anymore. That was hard. That was hard. I also fucked up though when I was smoking American Spirits, which are like apparently those are the slowest burning cigarette. That's gross. I just wanted to do like a small documentary that I filmed of myself trying to outblog Riggs for one week. It started Sunday at midnight.

Riggs doesn't know I'm doing this, but I'm going to try and outblog him. And after a day, I was like, nope, fuck this. He does, like, you look three days into the week, he's got like 50 blogs. I'm like, fuck, I'll never. Yeah, when I first started here, when I used to try and blog, I would pull up the blogger page, and he'd already have like 15 done when I was waking up. I i was like oh fuck yeah it was only 2 p.m no i didn't mean that they don't do good blogs i meant that uh i feel like your blogs are much longer than the average blog and there's more like effort going into them uh yeah well i mean you know i appreciate that

there have been some uh some longer ones that i've seen in the last, like John Rich. John Rich is very good. What a good one. I want to try to get KB and Nick back into blogging. Oh, they're deep dives. They ain't doing it. I think I could get them to do it. How?

I don't think so. I think we need to incentivize the bloggers with something fun. My theory was this, that at the end of each week when the blog rankings come out, we have an award for the person that has the most page views, an award for the person that has the highest average page views for blogs with a minimum of like whatever, four or five blogs, and then a blogger's choice for best blog of the week. And that each one can receive, let's call it, I don't know,

$100 to $200 maybe of Uber Eats credit. So we use a sponsor. And that there's a golden keyboard award, right? And it's like the hard hat award or whatever, each week. And maybe that's somebody who you can't win more than two or three weeks in a row so like if someone's just dominating it then they have to relinquish it and and to have a proper incentive and something that people get excited about might mean that that people who would not be putting much time into the blog might i love that idea i think the blog needs like a little

bit of some like for the bloggers needs like a little bit of overhaul. I have a tough time with it too sometimes. I think having a major celebration and actually people excited about it. Sorry, I cut the very end, but we're going to pay people to do their job? No, you want it to do a competition. I think we need... Maybe we can't...

Yeah, maybe it wouldn't make any sense to do money because of exactly that reason. Then let's come up with a prize like as i said a golden keyboard or you know and if you get a sponsor to hop in and be like yeah they'll give fucking extra 100 bucks or something something something to fight for i do think that dave has always like joked about like having blogger camp we should have that like where when you start you don't get to do anything but you have to blog for like a month. Because I also think that would help people when they start.

Yeah. I agree. It will humble them for sure. Well, no, it just gets you. I've said it to you, Francis. I've said it to a bunch of people when they started. Like the best way to connect with the audience is blog. That's all I did for the first.

Because that was how for the first like five years before we all moved to New York, that was it. It was just we were blogging. That's where like all your jokes come out. It's fun. It's fun. I actually dream about maybe someday like semi-retiring and just blogging. Blogging is fun, man. I really go nuts

when like you or PFT or like throw up a blog. PFT's had a bunch of great ones. Yeah, these are very, very funny. The ones that he did with Billy, was that last year? Yeah, the trip.

Those were so fucking funny. He was just in the green room yesterday typing, dude, PFT is cranking blogs. Yeah. Yeah. Yep. Look at that.

A little bit of a renaissance. Blogs having a renaissance. Yeah. I go through phases. I feel really inspired and I'll have a week where I do a ton of them and then the next week

I'm like, this is all too, like, whatever. But yeah, I think some zhuzh to it. There's a lot of people who like you forget, like they can't just watch videos all day at work. You know what I mean? Like they shout out all the people who are watching the Yak right now. But I assume some jobs like you'd get yelled at for that.

Yeah, definitely. I will say one thing that's unfortunate is that the new office office feels to me not that conducive to spent like really focusing on your writing yeah and that's because even with all the chaos of the old office now you have someone come up to you every five minutes hey can i get you for a quick poll on tiktok oh yeah, can I talk to you about this idea? And there's a constant losing your focus. Here's a little tip. If you just put a shitload of stuff around you and almost bury yourself in clothes,

people are scared to come to your... Or if you just give them enough bad answers, they stop coming to you. True. Yeah. True. That's been Sass's strategy to do a job bad. Steven, before you say your point,

Roback, I don't want to forget it, Roback.com use code YAK, 20% off your first purchase through the end of the week, R-H-O-B-A-C-K.com, polos, Q-Zips, hoodies, and new joggers, the best joggers I've ever worn. Love the Roback joggers. They have two different kinds. They have blue and black

right now. I think they're coming out with more. The most comfortable joggers, stylish joggers I've ever worn. That is the rowback guarantee. Promo code YAK for 20% off your first purchase, Stephen. Francis, the way the top 20 bloggers come out, it's sorted by number and then also by page views. Like, PFT made the top 20 with one blog a couple weeks ago. So it's not like that's not a counterfeit. I that's not... No, I know what you're saying.

I know what you're saying. He's heard you. But for some reason, the first week that I was here, I made the top 20 and I only wrote four blogs because of my average page views. But then the next week, I didn't. And I think it was because i only wrote like two or

three blogs and even though my average page view was still higher than you need to read i think dave davis said that like what like when he he always uses kb as an example being like like kb wasn't when he started he wasn't putting out he'd put out like one blog a week but they were like hilarious and he put like 20 hours of work into them. Right, because KB's not blogging sports highlights. No, no. Yeah. He couldn't do it. He's not good enough. No. Yeah, no. He doesn't have that. He doesn't have the talent for that. He doesn't have the wherewithal to

put up a sports highlight. Is their show sold out tonight, or should we plug it? Is their show sold out? Yeah, it's sold out. Oh, it's sold out. Okay. Nice. So, I'm trying to get in the English show. Can't do it. People were trying to get like, people were freaking out trying to get in the anus show. Can't do it. People were freaking out trying to get more tickets.

It was on the anus Reddit looking. Wow. Nice. What did they say? People were selling, buying, the whole thing. Yeah, wow. I'm buying, I'm selling. I'm buying, I'm selling. Wow.

That's dope. Galpers. I wonder if they'll get coined tonight. Oh, yeah. They will. I'm sure. I hope so. Steven, by the way, do you want to address the fact that your quarterback is getting divorced?

Yeah, I mean, that sucks personally for him. And you? Does it? Yeah. Why? I don't know. I couldn't root for a guy who's not a family man. It sort of takes away your whole storyline that he's a good person.

I mean, he's been divorced before. I don't think he got married the first time. Yeah, he didn't get married. You're wrong. No, wrong. Okay. I mean, he's been in a serious relationship with a child. Wrong.

He just had one euphoric blast of sex that resulted in a child with another woman. That's the one. Bridget Moynihan. You know. Left her in the lurch. At the same time time if he is divorce is essentially the worst thing

you can do as a person yeah if he's getting divorced there's no way he's not still playing football next year

oh so you are saying fuck Tom Brady's kids and their happiness I want to watch him play football no not at all sounds like you are

I wish him nothing about the best in his personal life that's not what I heard no because. I wish him nothing about the best in his personal life. That's not what I heard. No, because if you wish him nothing about the best in his personal life, he'd retire today to take care of this. Like Cole Beasley. Yeah.

Bitch ass. I could see why he'd retire in the middle of the season. Yeah, 100%. I can see it. I can see it. Especially if he keeps on getting hit like this. He'd get in losses. Played well last week.

I mean, he was just throwing the ball every single down. You're going to rack up stats when you don't run the ball once. I watched him. I'm in the middle of watching tape right now. He almost had, I'm going to put it out later, he almost had the greatest highlight of his career. Julio John stopped running around. Damn.

I will say, there's a dip, but then a little bit after divorce, there's usually a renaissance where you get on point. You really are like, I'm going to show them. Kim K. Yep, them. Kim K. Yep, look at Kim K. That tweet did numbies yesterday. Yeah, yeah. Jerry.

What did he say? Jerry, another viral tweets recommendation. Is this something about Pete Davidson? No, I said something about... It was about Pete Davidson. No, it wasn't. It wasn't? No, it was...

I had a Pete Davidson joke. Oh, yeah, that's what it was. If Brady really wants to, yeah. Damn. I, it wasn't. It wasn't? I had a Pete Davidson joke. Oh, yeah, that's what it was. Yeah. Damn. I liked Kate's, too. Kate saying that it's, what if it's not about football? It's just normal divorce things.

That was good, too, Kate. Something the kids did wrong. Kids. Kids' fault. Something the kids did wrong. You know, normal divorce stuff. Kids' fault. Yeah, speaking of women being to blame, I thought that, you know,

I remember when they got married, Tom Brady and Giselle, and all these women in my life were like, you know she makes more money than he does, right? Those women, oddly quiet yesterday. Oddly quiet when divorce starts getting thrown around. Interesting. Also, they're not divorced. They're not divorced. They hired divorce lawyers, which is totally normal. They could. Interesting. Also, they're not divorced. He stands to gain a lot.

They're not divorced. They hired divorce lawyers, which is totally normal. He could bounce back. Yeah, that's totally normal. All of a sudden, oh, she hasn't made a dollar in years because she's been following him from the cold mountains of New England to the terribly bored desert of Tampa. Totally. No, you're exactly right, dude. She's going to owe him a fat amount of restitution if these women were right.

Otherwise, you could victory lap on their asses. If he pays a dime, you call up these women. I will. If Tom Brady got spousal support, hilarious. The receipts. If he's playing for like $1 next year for the Bucs because he was getting $50 million from Gisele. I mean, Steve, that's it. They could use salary cap space.

That's best case scenario. If he gets restitution from his wife and can play on like a really lowered salary. He already does. What? He already plays on a lower salary. He's not like one of the top quarterbacks. So what's his salary?

$25 million. But what if he goes down to like 40, 50? What if he can free up like 20 million in cap space just because she's just caking with all of her fucking ill-gotten Victoria's Secret money?

He's always willing to take less so I wouldn't put it past him. All I'm saying is that you're a family man, Steven. Like I said,

I wish him nothing the best person. I've floated this theory out a couple times. I don't want it super public but yeah, I mean, him getting a divorce justated this theory out a couple times. I don't want it super public, but yeah, I mean, him getting divorced just means he's going to keep playing. You don't want it to get super public.

Well, I mean, now that it's like officially happening. Can we make that a quote card, please, TJ? Okay, Stephen Shea reports that Tom Brady will play another season because he doesn't have the old ball and chain. Yeah. But we don't want this to get super public, though. Yeah, don't. Keep it under wraps. Yeah, put that in the. But we don't want this to get super public. Don't keep it under wraps.

Put that in the quote. Please don't retweet. If that's what it was all about. We got three, four months left of the season. He's going to be done in three or four months. He's been married long enough where he can buy that with his sweat equity in the marriage. No, I think that...

Wait, what? What does that mean? He can buy that amount of time with his sweat equity in the marriage. We've been married, whatever, 10 plus years. Give me another three, four months. No, I think that was the whole point of this year. I think that was this year was the...

When does it end for you, Steve J.? Yeah. You want him to play until he's dead. I mean... Yep, yep, as he can still sling it. What about her sweat equity? That is a quote as well. Stephen Shea would like to see Tom Brady die on the field. That's what you just said.

You want him to play until he's dead. I did not say that. Francis said that. No, you didn't answer in the negative. He said, what, do you want to? And you didn't say, no, I don't want him to. I want him to keep playing as long as he wants to keep playing, as long as he can still sling it. No. You didn't answer in the negative. He said, what, do you want to? And you didn't say, no, I don't want him to. I want him to keep playing as long as he wants to keep playing, as long as he can still sling it.

Interesting. Do you think you love him about the same as much as his kids love him? About the same amount? No, that's a different comparison. Different type of love? What about you love him more than Giselle? Right now, probably. Steve, if he presented you with a coin,

would you kiss him the way that he kisses his son? I mean... You'd have to. You'd have to. You would. Kind of bound by the Yak rules. Open mouth, sort of... He's got a coin.

He's got coin number 204, I think. Lincoln wouldn't be surprised. He loves you guys. I would be very surprised. You and I'll mouth kiss him, right? Steven actually thinks that Tom Brady could have a coin. Rowan, you wouldn't mouth surprised. He loves you guys. I would be very surprised. You and I'll mouth kiss him, right? Steven actually thinks that Tom Brady could have a coin. Rowan, you wouldn't mouth kiss Tom Brady. Oh, hell no.

I would. He probably has it. Jay, were you a Brady fan? Oh, shit, Kate. He's a hot millionaire divorcee. I consider it. Jay, were you a Brady fan when he was on the Patriots? I appreciated him.

I never hated him. You appreciated greatness. They fixed your headphones. They. Like, I wasn't. You appreciated greatness. They fixed your headphones. They didn't. They didn't. I crawled through here. I know, and it didn't work. Yeah, it's, so they're on, but I don't know why they're not fucking working.

We're going to have to get the tech guys in here after. I just said quippy and a pussy. Yep. I know. I didn't realize you were missing all of this. Yeah, no. I can, like, I can loosely hear everything. Loosely. You can go sit in Brandon's seat. Yeah, no. I can loosely hear everything. Loosely.

You can go sit in Brandon's seat. Yeah, sit in Brandon's seat. Well, nothing Steve's saying. Well, it's all pretty inappropriate, if we're honest. It's not going to age well. He effectively was saying that he had been rooting for their divorce to ensure Tom's longevity on the field. Makes sense. That was essentially what you said.

No. field. Makes sense. That was essentially what you said. And he also said if Tom needs him to call Child Protective Services so that he doesn't have to deal with the kids so he can focus on football, Stephen will do that as well. He shouldn't have to deal with the kids right now. It's not his responsibility. He didn't birth them.

No. His responsibility is winning the next Super Bowl. What's his favorite Super Bowl? The next one. That's what he always says. It's an old Michigan mantra. He even just now said he would take care of the kids. In air quotes.

I don't know what that means. Kill them? I don't know what that means. Oh, no, Che. I don't know. That's not okay. Take care of them. Now you lost us. That's worse than me. Dash was on your side. I don't know. That's not okay. Take care of him. Now you lost us.

That's worse than me. Dash was on your side. Dash had your back. He's a Brady guy, too. I did. I did bet on the Bucs, and then I scratched it, and I bet a lot more on the Chiefs. You're smart. You're smart.

Stephen Chase cost me so much money the last couple weeks. Oh, did it? The Justin Long story. Yeah. Steven Chase's lovely wife was at the Dozen Trivia last night, and she hadn't heard that Justin Long had come in here. So we relayed that to her. She confirmed that it was a true story, though.

She said she had forgotten, but Steven somehow remembered every detail, like what the color of the tablecloth was. Yeah. Aren't tablecloths only white, like in New York fancy restaurants? Hmm. See? You remembered it.

Case in point. Speaking of, we got to go to Le Bernardin soon. You guys got to get back to your dates. I have a busy schedule, Steven. Sounds awesome. All right, well, then don't complain. No, I'm not going to complain.

I've never been there. No. I've been to Per Se. Per Se is pretty dope. It's like a lot though. I mean not just in terms of expense but like it's too much food. Yeah and it's a long meal. It's super long but that's okay because the food comes so often but they're tiny little

plates and bites and things. I hate that shit. I always want a cheeseburger after that. You will be so overly stuffed. I hate that shit. I know. I always wanted a cheeseburger after that. You'll be so... No, you will be so overly stuffed. You'll feel sick. Look at me. Look at me. Trust me, dude.

No, I won't. I can put food away, too. It's too much, these places. The dessert tower will get you. If you're around by the dessert tower, dude, whatever it is is going to take you out. Francis would skip all the meals and save up for the dessert tower.

Oh, save room. This guy is a sweets man. I am a sweets man. One thing I've learned about Francis. You didn't go out to a long dinner with Francis? No, but when we were in St. Louis before the shows, Francis, we had to walk around and find a bakery for him to get some sweets.

I like sweets. I don't like being in shape and liking sweets because every time I eat sweets, it's shame. Every time I eat anything, it's like shame. Yeah. Yeah. Every time I eat anything it's directly associated. Oh jeez. Oh my god. I mean that's terrifying.

I thought that was a real poster. We should release it and be like NASA. What is this? New star. 75 light years away. Oh fasoli looking good. Oh, nice.

That is quite the line. Why does he got glasses on? I want to see his eyes. I want to not see his eyes. Yeah, why is he covering up the not eyes? Yeah, what? You think he's top three hairiest? No. Jerry, come on. Jerry, look at this sucker.

Oh, Joey. Joey's a fucking. Joey's hairy. Joey's so hairy. That's two. Yeah, Joey's not even in the mix right now. Who's three then? It'd be funny if Clemmer, when he took his shirt off, was just like a full rug. I know.

He might be, dude. Remember when Clemmer said he didn't have abs, and then he showed us his stomach and he just had like chiseled abs? Yeah, of course. Dude, there's no way you don't have abs. Right. It's like a greyhound. Yeah, he is like a greyhound.

We're going to fucking let him run on the streets. We're just bringing a treadmill. He's got a nice little beard coming in. Who? Clemmer. Clemmer? I'd be surprised if he was a hairy man. Yeah.

We were having a bathroom hangout earlier. It was Clemmer, John, Rich, Francis, myself, and Tommy. That's a full bathroom. Yeah, it was good. It got having a bathroom hangout earlier. It was Clemmer, John Rich, Francis, myself, and Tommy. That's a full bathroom. Yeah, it was good. It got hot in

there. It was steamy. You had to leave because it got too hot. There was a lot of people exhaling. We were ranking who

would be the, who's most likely to be a werewolf, and it was John Rich until Clemmer walked in. It was John Rich,

or Clemmer, John Rich, Francis, me, and then Tommy was the... I could see John Rich being a werewolf for sure. Tommy got booed hard at the dozen.

Really? He really did. This is not a spoiler. This is literally just the entrances. It was awesome. What? Why? I don't know, but it was... They were listing all the things he won.

They were like, champion of this. And the best part about the whole night Was that the Yak We were the fan favorite Because of Roan and Philly But they booed Steven They literally were just rooting for me and Roan It was great They just fucking thundered boos

At Steven, and then Roan and I came out And they went crazy for us They don't boo nobodies, I love it Yeah, 7pm tonight It was a lot of fun came out and they went crazy for us. They don't boo nobodies. I love it. Yeah, 7pm tonight. It was a lot of fun. I might be a nobody because they did not boo me. They cheered for you a lot. There was a pop for you. There's no phrase

about whether they boo or whether they cheer for nobodies. They cheered at a charity. Yeah, a little charity cheer. It was a charity cheer is what I got. Should we spin the wheel? Yeah, we should. Spin the wheel. What are you guys all going to get for dinner tonight?

I'm already thinking about dinner. Dude, I think about dinner when I wake up in the morning. Yeah, I was thinking about the shower this morning. I was like, what am I going to have? Jerry, what are you having? Chicken cutlets. Oh, fuck you. Mom's making them?

Jerry. What on the side? Look at you. Mashed potatoes. Son of a bitch. Cold, rainy day. I just eat cutlets and warm mashed potatoes. Oh, Jerry, you are.

Those are mashed potatoes. How does she, are they good? Really? Like more buttery creamy or like chivey garlicky? No, no, no, buttery creamy. Yeah, yeah. She like home makes them? Yeah.

Ugh. Oh, man, Jerry. You're living, baby. Nice, Jerry. I know. I have the life. You are L-I-V-I-N living. Great. You do, dude. It's awesome. Great. You know. I have the life. You are L-I-V-I-N living. Great. You do,

dude. It's awesome. Great. You got an in-house chef? Yeah, pretty much. Your landlord doesn't charge you rent? She dusts my downstairs everything. You're downstairs? Yeah. She dusts it on top of the fans? You have a fridge downstairs? Yep. Stocked at all times.

So you have like, do you have a sink? Yeah Yep. Stocked at all times. So you have like, do you have a sink? Yeah, the bathroom. No, but like a kitchen sink. No, a slop sink in the laundry room. Got it. Jerry owned that. Slop sink?

How many rooms downstairs? It's a slop sink. Oh, we had a slop sink. Oh, big, you can wash clothes in. Yeah, if you want to. My room, my son's room, laundry room, bathroom, small kitchen area with the fridge, and then my utilities. So is there a living room or no? So I had the living room, but I turned it into my son's room.

Ah. Yeah. How many doors are we talking? One, two, three. How many doors downstairs? How many doors total in the? One, two, three. How many doors downstairs? How many doors total in the house? A lot. 32?

Someone tweeted me. I think that we had that wrong in that he was talking about apartment complexes. Like how many doors you have in an apartment complex. Like front doors in an apartment complex, I think is what. Oh, that makes more sense more sense yeah it makes a lot we're really stupid yeah we're like talking about like closet doors yeah right we were yeah we literally were talking about like doors

inside no he was the real estate person you're talking to was like I have a 16 door unit that's 16 okay I think I have one that makes more sense you have one door I believe so yeah that's a lie I think I'm still I think I still don't get it to be fully honest so like if you have I have one. That makes more sense. You have one door? I believe so, yeah. That's a lie.

I think I still don't get it, to be fully honest. So if you have an apartment building, how many doors do you have? It's basically how many units do you have? Oh, three. No, for the whole building. You're talking about your apartment. Why the fuck would that matter? If you own the building. It's my investment property.

Oh, okay. Like how many... That doesn't apply to any of us. No. I think. At all. No. That doesn't apply to any of us. No. I think. At all. No. It's a dumb ass thing to say.

Yeah. Well, no. People invest in properties. It's like a lucrative and popular business. Yeah. If you're a loser. Too lucrative. Oh, dude.

It's too lucrative. Wait. But that. Why? I thought 10X was supposed to be like for the common man to succeed. Why are we talking about. Oh, yeah. Winning massive properties.

Well, that's what you get if you follow 10X. Yeah, you buy real estate and then you charge rent and then you buy 10X of that. And then you're a billionaire. That would kind of suck to sign up for that

and they're like, how many doors do you have? And you're like, zero. Yeah. Well, then we can't really do anything for you. Yeah, right. You can't 10X a star with that.

Yeah. Fuck. that's true people like to know in new york how many units are in your building because it does sort of have a inference of of of like well are you in a more boutique building like oh i have i live in a building that has 300 units it's like oh you live in a probably a cheaper place ah i see you live in a hotel if you live in a building that has like only oh there's only 17 units in my building it's like oh wow or like a hotel where it's like oh there's only 16 rooms at this hotel yes exactly exclusive hotel i guess it makes sense presume that if you live in like a doorman building and there's 300 units those doorman doorman probably don't know everyone's name. It's not as personal. Not it.

It's like a 300-unit building is going to be a huge high-rise, probably over the fucking river. That makes sense. I got 20. 20 units in your building? 20 units. Do you have a doorman? No. Well, there you go.

I got like 300 and no doorman. That's not good. That not bode well for me. I said that makes sense because I have eight units in my building. You live in a really sick building. Yeah, that makes sense. That's nuts. Actually, that makes sense.

Not that nuts. My last place that we lived at, there was like four. Whoa. Wow. Four. That's exclusive. Affluent friend. Nice. four. Whoa. Wow. Whoa. That's exclusive, my friend. Nice. Damn.

Sorry, bro. Yeah. Get those numbers down. You got me. I know. Sassy's rich. This is a shithole, though, so. Oh.

Ah, fuck. All right, let's spin the wheel. Let's spin it. Oh, yeah, fresh wheel. Let's spin it. Actually, no, it was eight. Oh, well, this is all relevant. We're tied. Do you guys live together? Sassy's just downstairs. Actually, Noah was eight. This is all irrelevant.

Todd. Do you guys live together? Josh is just downstairs. Big Cat's making chicken cutlets. Oh. Stop it. Stop it. That was close. That was close.

That was really close. Holy shit. That was close. God damn. Damn, one of us was getting wet today. How do you choose? Another wheel. Another wheel, yeah.

You used to do it, if it was wet, everyone had to get wet. Well, there'd be one dry person. One dry person, but then it kind of ran its course, so now it's just one person has to get wet, which is so much worse. It hasn't happened in months. It used to be funny that everyone had to get wet so it's like we all were in it together now it's just one person has to just get sopping wet no l for all of you dude don't l us dude hell on the wheel no actually it's l for each one of you take your l and then look in the mirror

yeah hey i got a good um really quick uh quick flip on credit card roulette okay this reminded me so um instead of you know you ever you go to dinner with like five friends and at the end you tell the waiter uh hey we're gonna do this thing where um instead of as they pick a card out each card they pick out is safe and the last card remaining pays for the whole dinner instead of that every card they pick out has to pay and the last remaining does not i like which means that everybody is picking up a little bit more of a one person has a chance so not what nobody's getting like truly fucked yeah yeah but that is electric it is but it sucks sucks sucks so much i've lost so have i and to to then if one person gets

get a free dinner it could be you and uh you know we're all happy when for one person that does yeah i like it that's a good that's a good i like it we should do that yeah we should do that we should. We should do that. We should buy a... Do that at Bernardin. I don't think you said that correctly. If there's a chance... If anyone said it right...

I don't think you said it correctly, my friend. Is it not Le Bernardin? It is Le Bernardin. That sounds right. I don't know, bro. It's Bernie's. Bernie's Place.

I got a reservation at Bernie's. I get the check and I'm like, wait, this is Bernie's Place? What the fuck? Damn, Bernie's upgraded. Are you going to come to Le Bernardin with us? I would be honored. I feel like I haven't earned it yet, though. Well, it's me, Che, Ronan, Nate.

I would absolutely love to do that with you guys. You could take my place. I didn't know that. I thought it was like a yak thing. No, I lost. And it was... Le Bernardin. Le Bernardin.

Le Bernardin. Le Bernardin. She doesn't sound well. My mom doesn't. Sniffly. My mom's a sniffly. This bitch has a milk throat. Yeah, she just ate some Chick-fil-A. She sounds like Brandon around 2 o'clock at night. Le Bernardin.

Le Bernardin. Hear that throat touch? Le Bernardin. Oh, man. Okay. You guys ever... Oh, are we done? Oh, no, no.

Keep going. I have to be out by 2.30, but you guys can keep yakking. I have to do pick-em at 2.30. Do you guys know the YouTuber Hitchhawk45? Hickhawk? Hitchhawk? No. I went on a deep dive last night until like 3 a.m., and it's just this old-ass dude who

shoots guns. Pull it up. He's fucking hilarious. Pull it up. Wait, can we pull up the... Yeah, this one. No, wait. Do the 500 Magnum. Oh, the first watermelon. 500 Magnum. He just shoots guns at things? up he's fucking hilarious pull it up wait can we pull up the yeah this one no wait put put do the

500 magnum 500 magnum he just shoots guns at things that's awesome he's he rules oh it's like you ever shoot something like that no apparently it hurts it sucks man it's not fun at all he does he does more deep dives into like that one but he said it sucks but this was like you can hear the watermelon raining down oh my god he has to just be covered in water isn't that fucking crazy this is the new gallagher show yeah this is awesome he i watched his videos for hours last night. Wow. What a waste. No, the whole caption of this video is talking about how it's not a waste.

Think of all the garden parties that are now lacking the vodka-soaked, balled-up watermelons. Yeah, how's that not a waste? He wrote a whole essay about how... Oh, I want to see the shotgun. Shotgun.

This is probably not the watermelon, so I had to guess. He doesn't always do the watermelon. Oh, hell yes. He rules. Let's see. He'll shoot like these dry pots.

Whoa. Milk? Is that paint? Think of all the milkless, milkless children. Yep. Gotta watch the ones where he's shooting

these dried up like pots, like plant pots. And he goes, it's a good day to smoke some pot. That's his go-to line, and then he explodes them. It opens those quite well, too. Whoa. Oh, you think you're getting away, buddy. I'm sorry. You're not.

God, imagine being rich and just doing this in your backyard on your own all day. Just going to town. You know what I'd love to do is kill that guy with my hands. You wouldn't stand a chance against him. He has 7 million subscribers. He's a monster. Holy shit. Yeah, he's a monster with some hard steel in his hand.

No. He's like America's hero, dude. Yeah. I got Francis. No, you guys like America's hero, dude. Yeah. I got Francis. No, you guys suck. I think Francis could kill him. Francis would have no chance. He would gouge his eyeballs.

He literally did. I've watched hours of his videos. He's never missed a shot. Choke him out. He's asleep. I come in, hand over his mouth. No chance. He's done.

His son is the one that films him. Oh, shit. One-handed is impressive. This is awesome. All right, not for nothing, I'm surprised he's not worried about, like, ricochets. Yeah. Is that a stupid thing to say?

Dude, he shot, like, with a fucking shotgun. He shot, like, a steel pot, like, a foot away. Or he shot the 500 Magnum. That'd be awesome if he got ricocheted in the dick. A guy won the Darwin Awards for trying to shoot a cockroach in his cement basement and the bullet bounced back and killed him. He has a whole series where he's just fucking up pumpkins. Do not show this to Nick.

This guy is definitely like... He looks like a serial killer. Yeah. No. Yeah. Yeah, that's weird. Oh, he's great. What does a pumpkin look like, a human head?

It's like the one guy who didn't get cast as an extra Turn on him on the Walking Dead. Yeah, he's like I had so many ideas Yes Whoa this one These videos have like 20 million views. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I mean, like this is, that was. Got seven million.

Pumpkin pie mix. Oh, he killed it. Oh, wow, that's some fucking cannibalism. Patricide. Damn. Patricide. All right, I'm down with that guy. He's awesome.

He seems pretty cool. I want to see Tom Brady die on the football field. Steven, now that Tom Brady can focus fully on football paraphrased. Please don't retweet that no one no one I do not want this getting out

keep this on the low in between us I don't don't let that go anywhere we'll get in trouble I'm just gonna retweet it to make sure

people don't retweet it kind of get a little signifier um but yeah they have the bracket after this as well okay yeah oh 2.30 that was a great yak boys yeah it was fun Signifier. Yeah, they have the bracket after this as well. Okay.

Yeah. Oh. 230. That was a great yak, boys. Yeah, it was fun. Thank you. Great yak. Thank you all.

Jerry, thank you for coming in. W. Jerry. Yeah. Common W for Jerry. Can't wait till we can... Jerry Jr. is like 15 years old. Can you show them that clip? What clip?

Oh, when you knew? When you knew. Oh. I knew. I knew Yeah Yeah we knew Yep Speaking of come Pete can't come

Oh yeah You still Is it It's just No it's nothing Ball of dust Nothing Huh

Yeah It's like an old vacuum Getting turned on So then all your old sperm That dies in your balls Just gets absorbed Into your body Yeah

Okay Just comes blood Ew Yes yes Gross Yeah bro your old sperm that dies in your balls just gets absorbed into your body. Yeah. Just comes blood. Ew. Yes, yes. Gross. Yeah, bro. Don't get a vasectomy. Comes blood. Oh, Pete got a vasectomy? Yeah. I don't really know Pete that well.

You guys should get a vasectomy. I feel like we'd be good friends. Alright, see everyone tomorrow. That's the Yak Do a Yankee pop it's the act It's the act