The Yak - Kate and Kody Went on a Crazy Platonic Date | The Yak 3-26-25

Episode Date: March 26, 2025

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Roback.com promo code yak Eddie's here day three Nick and KB are back tomorrow Kate is out. Mm-hmm Danny is late and he's late. Yeah, Danny's late Danny went on a date and now he's late And all I want to hear about is this date, but he's late. How many late Danny might be the premier. Making us wait. Is this an insult or a compliment? Danny might be the premier fly on the wall guy. I think that's a compliment that could be taken as an insult by people more sensitive than Danny is. I mean it as a compliment in the fact that he-

It depends on your personality type. I think Danny would take that as a compliment. He would. Definitely take it as a compliment. Other people would be offended by it. Right. When I say it, I mean, if any of us had to go on this date, I'd be like... I know myself, I'd converse instead of note taking.

Danny will give us the best recap we could ever get. He's elite at blending in. He's also elite at observing. Right. Right. Elite observer. Elite observer. Yeah.

That's where he likes to live. He likes to be a fly in the wall. Right. If I went with Cody and Kate, I would, half the time they'd be talking, I'd be watching an NIT game I bet on. Yeah. And just be like, wait, what did you say? Say that again?

Rewind real quick? Yeah. I missed that part part I need the subtitles along the same lines I asked this question to Brandon a couple days ago and I'll ask it to you two if someone described your show as a show they love falling asleep to would that be a compliment or an insult um they're like I love throwing your show on because we were talking about what brought We're what what brought that up golf? Yeah, something something. Yeah golf is elite to sleep to Yeah, I was like is that a pro or a con for golf and then I thought about Myself if someone was like I fucking love your show every time I need a nap

I throw it on I think I would I think I wouldn't care I've gotten that comment before or compliment and I I'm in the don't care because it's like well, you're listening You're listening. Yeah, and I serve some sort of purpose in your life, right? Yeah, just happens you want to be the show where people are like I had I was late to work because I was finishing this That's like the ultimate goal. Yeah radio. Like if you can keep someone in the car for an extra 10 minutes Yes, that's the goal. But I think going to sleep is like you're soothing in a way. There's a second. Yeah, you're right That's the top but then as long the second level is you're just part of their routine, right? And if that is like, you know part of their life that you knock me out. I also take it

I think it also depends on how quickly yeah, that's true. Like if they're like, yeah I love the first five minutes of your show. That's all I ever get through. Yeah, that's true I would suck. Yeah, but if it's like yeah I I listen to your show around 45 minute mark. I doze off. That's totally fine Yeah, but I have I have things I like if I want to take a nap sometimes I don't want Silence that I want to throw the TV on and you kind of have your things that you you know Certain game shows or something that you get on the fall asleep and then I mean there's some great shows that are

Fall asleep shows. Yeah, right bar rescue bar rescue Bar rescue might be the one one pick of hungover shows Yeah, cuz you just know that no matter what if you cuz I don't know how you guys nap in like a hangover situation But it will be like one of those not great naps where you're in and out of sleep, and bar rescue, you could wake up at any point and you're like, all right, we're either at the part where the bar's fixed or the part where the bar's getting fixed.

That's it, there's only two parts. There's only two parts. Like, you don't have to worry about it. Are we shutting it down or is it stress test? Yeah, right, exactly. Which is one of the two. I used to sleep with the sleep with the bounty hunter too, because it's the same thing. Either we're catching the iceheads or we're telling the iceheads they've got to go with Jesus. That's it. We've already caught them and go with Christ, bro. Pawn Stars is great. Yeah.

I watched one that I don't even know what it's... I fell in love with it for maybe a week of just hangovers, probably 10 years ago. It's these dudes who just make pools I don't even know what it's, like I fell in love with it for like maybe a week of just hangovers probably 10 years ago. It's these dudes who just make pools in the backyard. Oh yeah. Oh Danny. Custom pools. Oh shit.

Yeah Danny's here. Sorry, Kate woke me up late. Um, I forget the name of the pool one. Ink Master's a big one for me. Ink Masters? What's the pool one? We were talking about it not long ago. The pool one. They make like custom pools, and they're always so sick the pool boys

I don't know, but it's fucking awesome cuz it's just like it's just the show is it's very routine. It's like backyard Mud yeah sick pool that is cool Guys off the deep end. These guys rock. That's awesome. Yeah, they just make insane pools. Have you guys got into the Ring Doorbell content yet? What do you mean, just in general? Eddie watches this like he would a

normal TV show. Like your own Ring Doorbell? No. Oh, like there's YouTube channels that is just like scary Ring Doorbell footage. Oh, shit. I don't want to see that. I do want to scary. Yes, like a P like like, you know Like a clown running the door or something or like a a clown like people asking for it's that's like a setup It's like, um, I'm stranded. It might be pool kings Is it like the lizard lick towing shows where they always set up things that it's clearly actors or oh, this is real

It's not a TV show. It's just footage. Oh Eddie on the internet someone else is compiling the footage, right? Yes Can I see some of it? Yeah, it's summer fucked up to go to a It's like chilling scares. You're like, mr. Nightmare You guys take you go to sleep too. Yeah, what the fuck why why I don't know I just need to be on edge before bed. I why Fuck why why I don't know. I just need to be on edge before bed. I why That's exactly when you don't need to be on edge But that's when things are like you're at your most vulnerable, right? But but like so I have in my house

I have like a full security system where I have cameras everywhere outside and stuff I never look at it because in my head I'm like what what would be the next step if I pull it up and there's just a dude in my head I'm like, what would be the next step? If I pull it up and there's just a dude in my backyard, what am I gonna do? You're gonna call the cops. Yeah, I know, but also I'm gonna freak out. Yeah. You know what I mean? I don't even wanna know.

See, it's not just me. 1.9 million? I don't. Jesus Christ. I don't understand. I don't get it. I don't know, I've never understood that. I don't understand horror movies.

So you don't like horror movies at all? I don't like horror movies've never understood that I don't understand so you don't like horror movies. I don't I don't like horror movies. I don't Yeah, no, I I Also like it I feel worse now But it's good. It's a sensation. You can't replicate really you don't you don't want to need to I don't want to I don't Want to be I don't want to be scared? Yeah

Being scared sucks. Hey Danny. We started the show I said I didn't know if this was a compliment or an insult But I said that you are our premier fly-on-the-wall guy. Mmm, like last yesterday sending you to that date There's no one I trust more to bring back a good recap than you. I appreciate that. That's a compliment Okay, the field reporter. Yeah, and I was very observant last night Okay, a lot of highs lows ups and downs miles frowns Okay, I have I have the video you have videos and notes I didn't take notes. They're kind of within the video

So let's wait a second on that cuz we'll have Cody come in to see it as well because I would like to see his reaction Oh boy, whatever awkwardness comes from that. Stephen and Brandon you guys played pickleball this morning. We did. We did. Great time. Now I got here at I don't know 615 620 like I always get here. I brought my daughter today. We're going to black horse game and Che texted me about 645 and said hey are you there yet? And I said, yes. He then said, I will be there, my ETA is 818. And to me, that is enough said. I got it.

I'm here, I'm not going anywhere. When you get here is when you get here. That's also a very specific time. Very specific. And then he kept updating me as his ETA changed. He let me know that he needed to poop when he got here. In some traffic, gotta have poop when I get in get in aiming to have balls in the air at 8 15 8 15

Balls in the air is a hilarious phrase and I am happy to report we did have balls in the air. 8 15? Yes Stephen that was way too many updates by the way. Balls were in the air at 8 15. I mean traffic and fluctuate the the specificity of your timing But you could have just said I'll be in a little past eight around 815. Yeah Go gonna have to poop when I get in Also you shaved 12 minutes off your ETA that's very impressive At what point in the car ride did you realize you had to poop ah

Pretty soon, man. Maybe like 25 minutes in. That's a bad feeling. It was not an emergency. Got it. But I knew before I was gonna do something. It's part of the routine, right? That's how you knew you were gonna get balls in the air

quickly. We need to take care of some business. We played some games. I walked in at whatever time I got here. I turned the corner, Che's on the incline bench press. He just got done doing a set or something. And he just immediately locks eyes with me. And he has his little smirk and smile.

And he's like, some good pickling today. Yeah, it was. Because I had toyed with the idea of maybe joining your party. But then I realized we didn't have a fourth. And you guys have your thing. So I'll just, you know. 8 AM Wednesday. Maybe in time, a few weeks down the road, I'll join.

He goes, some good pickling today. And I was like, oh, yeah? Is that so? And he's like, I had an you know 8 a.m.. Maybe in time. You know a few weeks down the road I'll join he goes some good pickling today, and I was like oh, yes, that's so and he's like I had an incredible shot Oh, I had an incredible shot What I said Brandon had oh, I thought you said you had I had I heard you had one I had the highlight of the day you did Brandon had one. Yes, okay I'm a third who won he won 15 13 13 twice and then he said, uh, we'll save it for the yak. So now we're here. I, I miss her. I thought you said you're wondering how we got it. As soon as it happened, we, we, we sent somebody to get the security tape. Now hold the tapes. A question, Brandon, you had the best shot, but you lost twice. I lost

twice. Yeah. So this is not, I had spurts and I had runs, but I he is overall better than me But I I do have I I did have some good shots. Okay both games are very competitive. Yeah any yelling No, not at each other ourselves. Yeah, yeah, okay. All right. Let's see this incredible shot Chad is also asking about nitro Z. Yeah, would it not show your your yak historian ism Yeah, I learned learn the lore one time guys a lot of people jumping Like what the fuck is nitro's it oh my god. That's all embarrassing for the chat. That's a Starbucks Yeah, obviously I we all know what nitro Z. Yeah There are The name I give if I'm going to pick up like take out or

I'm not a coffee drinker necessarily so if I if I go to Taco Bell or something like that Was it nitro from American Gladiators, or you just like the word why the Z? Taco Bell requires a last a first initial last name. What does the Z stand for? Just we have a lot that there's probably not that's your alias He knows that everyone there's too many Stevens wait, but you you haven't figured out what the Z stands for in your alias No, it's just like I don't I don't think there's gonna be another nitro Z. So Probably more likely to be a nitro s Not likely but it is more like why wouldn't you go like nitro Q Could certainly but you know, we won't with the Z. Okay, so so this is not even there's no name to the Z

It's literally because no one like you you're worried there might be another nitro, and you didn't want to pick Mm-hmm a nitro tea or a nitro. Well, if you give your card You know so Taco Bell the Cantina's have the the kiosk We're gonna put this stuff in if I'm just giving my card and be like what name is under I will just say nitro but acquire a lot because they probably run into this Steve issue a lot where there's gonna be multiple Steve's picking up in

which case I wanted to not be part of that group but Z doesn't stand for anything it just stands for Z is Z it's like Malcolm X has anybody ever said goddamn cool-ass name man? Ha ha. Uh, no. I mean, it's just one letter, so I guess they'd have to ask what it's called.

Cool ass name, not cool ass name. Oh, oh. Cool ass name. Has anyone said anything about the Nitro? No, but sometimes it sucks if you're paying with a card, because they'll be like, what's the name? And it's like Nitro, and then I hand them the card, which obviously says Stephen.

Wait a minute. So that's a pretty easy fix. You could just say Stephen. But then they minute So that's a pretty easy fix you could just say Steven Yeah, but then there that's a pretty common name how many times though like Dan is a very common name We got two on this show how many I can't remember Maybe like twice in my life. I've had an issue where it's like they say Dan. I'm like, oh, that's not my yeah They're like changing your identity to save one second. It's not it. It's such a specific Situation that very rarely happens if ever and if it ever does it takes one second to be like this one for me Dan

Nitro see guys He always gets his order. He doesn't get someone else's shitty. Oh man. I want another nitro so bad I like cuz then your whole plan is foiled cuz then it's just yeah, I chose that's right. What's the backup option? That isn't one yeah. Oh fuck you got to prepare damn Sounds like you're not prepared Yeah, I mean if if me and another nitro at Taco Bell are both of the same Taco Bell Cantina Ordering takeout at the same time

We'll see what that's not their last name. Oh my god an awesome way to meet somebody. Yeah Nitro is a guy who's taking back six beers at the Taco Bell can't yeah I'm really hoping now that we've brought this back up because this was probably like three years ago The first came out it might have been five maybe more Yeah, then if you ever see Steven in public ordering something you have to put your name is yeah Because this was probably like three years ago that this first came out. It might have been five. Maybe more. Yeah. That if you ever see Stephen in public ordering something, you have to put your name as things. Yeah.

You have to. Everybody. You've got to foil Nitro. I would have put Stephen Che's number in my phone early, early, early. Yeah. And this is the only name he's ever had. Yeah.

So it had to be four or five. We need a copycat Nitro. Oh my god. And you've got to share that meal with them, too Yeah, you have to fight if you there's another nitro if your name's nitro or your alias is nitro And then there's another nitro That's that's that's fighting you're not gonna want to fight a guy name Yeah, but the restaurant's not big enough for the both of you, but no one's named nitro Stephen some people are no no one's named Nitro, Steven. Some people are. No one is. Name two. There's no way that anyone's named

Nitro is their legal name. Actually, I do know two. You do? Well, there was Nitro from American Gladiators. And there's the player that got in trouble. You know what his name is? I think Nitro's name is Dan. But I think Nitro Tuggle from Georgia last week

got in trouble. That's his actual. Oh, yeah, that's right. Because we talked about it on TMT. That's Nitro T. Oh, my god. That's his actual, oh yeah that's right because we were, we talked about it on TMT. That's Nitro T. Oh my god that's so close. Oh his real name is Nitarian. Yeah we were talking about this guy like you can't, you can't be upset about a Nitro speeding.

No you can't. That's, that guy has to speed. That guy was born to do it. Estimated population of 19. Small Soldier had one too right? Remember that movie? I was named Nitro night not estimate I chose 19 Small soldier had one too, right? Remember that movie? Nick Nitro, are you thinking of ants small soldiers now? Bugs life think you're thinking of ants small soldiers was like to Phil Harmon ants No

Formos and jingle There was a jingle but Eddie that's not a real person. Well yeah, but I'm just saying. And it's also not a person. Somebody could have had inspiration to be a Nitro. Nick Nitro, that's a good name. If there's only 19 there probably isn't another Nitro Z. That's right. There have to be at least 26.

Can we find another Nitro Z? Nitro is like what a Hollywood couple names are kid if anything yeah Yeah, you're right like Steve's on his kid might be nitrous. Yeah When it's Paul's kid might be nitro He's underrated Steve's on oh yeah, it's great Robert Robert Zemeckis Saving Silverman who oh he is underrated that thing you do We're the Z's of Hollywood Zorro if each of Zubach plays with the Clippers yes

First one that came to my mind. That's big. Do you think Hollywood you think of each you watch you think Clippers? Well, the Los Angeles Clippers gentlemen I I fear we've gone too far without talking about my mind. That's big. Do you think Hollywood you think of each too much? You think Clippers? Well. The Los Angeles Clippers. Gentlemen, I fear we've gone too far without talking about my highlight. Oh yeah. But again, you lost both games. I did. 15-13.

But I led the entire way in the first one and he closed strong. And then the second one, I was down 12-8, made a heroic rally. So this is essentially, this is- Well he's a little better than me. This is Chris Paul hitting a three to cut the lead in 36. Yeah, it sounds if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I was just ready for it to be over. Okay, but He won twice, but it was good competitive pickleball. Mm-hmm. Yes. Yes nitro beat your ass How many times does Steven have to beat you before we can not say it's competitive? Uh, I told him I planned to beat him within three months Three months is a long time if you get no wins

I'm gonna declare that not competitive if Steven come you come in every morning and Steven beats your ass Three times two times every day for three months. How many not compete after a time? What's the time? I think you have to win a game. You have to win at least one game in the month first month For it to be deemed competitive for once a week, but Jay. It was competitive Yeah, I mean they were I thought I was gonna lose the second game for sure he was winning eight three or eight two. Oh wow What happens even more for him to be like I thought I was gonna lose then I? Let a significant chunk of both games There's a stamina element to it

That you guys are I'm older That's true, and I did have I would argue having the highlight of the day is better than winning both matches. If you don't beat them in three months, I think it's like you have to start, like the game has to start five nothing Brandon. Just like, I can't feel free like a child now. I've only ever played doubles, does singles get your heart going a little? Oh yeah. Is it?

A lot more running. Yeah, because doubles is. Zach's the duos guy, remember He said that oh, that's right Yeah, the duo's is like, you know, I enjoy it, but it's not exactly we're running all over the court Yeah, yeah a lot of running. Okay. All right, let's see this shot Now this has been hyped up a lot. Well, no, it's not worth that. It's gotta be really not worth that Hi, we came to see Stephen. It's not worth that high Whoa, whoa, whoa, that was it. What do you mean? That was it? See Steven it's not worth that high

That was it what do you mean that was it What that was like? Accidental, but he slammed it. It was a slam. It was a Behind my back. No really show us the real he slammed into my back All right, so so we're just I thought there was gonna be angles of both of us cuz yeah, it does change right? Okay, I lobbed it accidentally. Oh fuck. He's gonna slam slam Pretty good. It's like a pitcher and then I hit the winter past him and watching it back. I'm gonna give it a I'm gonna give it four booms. Mm-hmm Pretty I don't know that booms is the way we should know it's four four out of five booms under three booms

Okay, was this you this is your part of it this he slams it my face right here bang And that's when I do it it would be good if you could see it all together It's a little bit. It's a little difficult. Yeah To fully understand the moment we have cameras every fucking where but we also have cameras nowhere Yeah, that's weird that you like you that would have been a lot more. We probably do need more cameras on the court Yeah moments like this. Yeah Yeah, we're pickleball highlight or maybe we don't maybe it's better if there aren't Cameras to that's the camera proof for proof. It's easier to to just be like dude I had the sickest dunk and pick up no but I don't have camera behind the back behind

the back guys and he's got to start we got to start making sure that we get the full footage of your awesome shots when you lose every day to Stephen yeah I actually tried that shot three times oh no that's three booms now. Well the you failed on that? No one was before one was after. The first one Che I thought I had you. So you're losing because you're hot dogging. I'm not hot dogging. Yeah you are. You're doing it behind the back. No I'm doing it out of necessity. I'm over running shots and then all I have left is to turn around and do it like that. Necessity. I'm doing it out of necessity Che I wasn't hot-dogging no no the first time he did it he came half an inch of hitting it back and I was blown away

that he even attempted it and then he did hit it the second time and the third time was not an a smash and so he thought about it pulled back you win the point yeah on that yes rally We gotta get that spliced together because it would look a lot better a lot better, and I thought I saw it spliced together this morning But maybe that's just me seeing shit. We're nice. Oh, we're here. Oh good one nitro. Z. There's a big night. There's a wicker Zubach yeah Zelinsky Zubach. Yeah. Zalinski. Zalinski, yeah. Not really. Hollywood. But yeah, Hollywood.

Well, wasn't he an actor before he became president? But not in Hollywood. He was in, like, Ukraine, Hollywood. Oh, really? You guys see I was in that text chain? Mm-mm. The leak for the war games they were doing? Yeah. I guess the Department of Treasury guys Dan Katz oh

Should change your name to nitro and I had a moment. I'm not proud of That when I first saw it when I first read the article I was like Because it was I think it was March 10th was when this all went down I was like shit are they saying I should be Department of Treasury cuz I'm 16 and oh right now Google is like oh fuck That was very embarrassing for me that's like when we had another Dave Williams working at Barstool Yeah, who's so the context I? Saw the news of like these these things are leaked or like there's a guy that was on the group chat that didn't belong or whatever they added him but what was

the context of this why are they naming people I think they're announcing who's in the group chat oh okay please provide the best staff POC from your team for us to coordinate with over the next couple of days and over the week okay and Scott B Scott B threw me in there yeah so talk Dan Katz. I wish I had been in this. It's good. I would have said a fart. I would have sent a fart. It would have been great. Just drop a fart in the war games.

I also don't understand that story at all. At all. Yeah, my understanding is that there's just someone on a group chat that doesn't belong on the group chat. Yeah, they fucked it up fucked it up Have you guys ever been added to a group chats by accident you had one right? I had one where these two like they look like Mexican. Yeah, I remember that yeah They wish me a happy New Year's and I sent them back a happy New Year's and then they went cold on me Mm-hmm. I also have a guy some some guy named

Germaine used to have my phone number. I get a lot of texts for German Germaine. Yeah, I don't have that But have you ever seen the show teen mom? Mm-hmm. No, but I yeah pretty much surmise what it is. Yeah It stems from 16 and pregnant and then became teen moms There's there's a guy named the sequel to 16. Yeah, it is actually there's a guy named Gary's like one of the dads Okay, we ran into him in Vegas once and he gave my buddy his number and my buddy for like 10 straight years now His wisdom I wish him a happy father's day. Oh, I love that. He like all your response Yeah, he's always like who's this and he never answers and there's always just happy father's day. That's great

And if you knew if you knew Gary He was with amber right yes. Yeah, I know Gary. Yeah Yeah, do you guys do I do that where I don't save a number right away? And then I'll have to scroll up and get a context mm-hmm. Yeah Yeah, the guy who had one was one digit off of my phone number last digit used to just send me selfies It was a black guy and you just do a peace sign when I first got my phone. I love that stop pretty quickly I had an awkward one yesterday. We recorded PMT earlier in the morning and we were making fun of the

SID for Yukon for being crazy and so ruin your life and so on his life. And then that guy I had forgotten had been texting with me like from a month ago and he texted me in the afternoon. He's like, hey, I don't think I'm gonna make it the final four. Thanks for having our back on PMT. I was like, oh, whoops. You didn't we just recorded My bad Yeah, whoops. Oh Brandy. You're like famous for not saving people's numbers, right? Yeah. Yeah psycho for that Thanks a while to get into my phone. I only have like

Now I'm up to like a hundred but I used to have under 40. Am I saved? No That makes like that makes things harder for you. They're much harder. Yeah way harder. Yeah way harder. I don't know You just live in you're just just oh you're Living life on no no insult to you, but I don't have you in my phone Confer do you just I don't do you scroll up to try to get context? Oh, yeah, I try to figure it out It's like a game Need to text Eddie you do what there's this guy that gets me? Reservations when I go the black-house games

Yeah, and he does every time I go and every time I have to go through my phone and look for him What that's so that's a number you need to save. Yeah, I don't I don't know I just I just I just usually don't let me see if you're saved Eddie you just text me Yeah, no, I'll say it. So when you have to text Eddie, what do you do? I? usually I You just texted me. Yeah. No, I'm saved. So when you have to text Eddie, what do you do? I Usually I don't know you see I just kind of scroll through until I see something that looks like Eddie What and and Psycho if I need to text Danny, I always go the yak group chat He's probably one of the only ones that doesn't have a name on it and I'll know that's Danny

Who's your go-to person you ask for someone's number here? Probably Katie stats. Okay, or my sister. Do you think? People on the old yak group text are like what happened we finally made a new one like a month ago I think they I think they were all waiting for the moment it stopped. Right. Instead of taking people off it, we just started a new one. So Colby Nolan, Caleb, guys like that are still waiting for their next Tyler O'Day, maybe? Yeah, we had a lot of people on there.

And then finally, I was like, this is crazy, because the texts are literally just like KB saying, I'm going to be five minutes late, Brian. Or it's like context from the show right that day right a very they're not sure an inside joke that they're not in on yeah yeah bring flour tomorrow yeah it's like a link to Kathy Mitchell or something what the fuck is this that guy did what in the women's locker room? Stephen Chase diarrhea.

Yeah, but again, you didn't remove them. You just made a whole new group. Yeah, because I felt bad removing people. You don't know when you get removed, do you? I think you do. It doesn't alert you. The rest of the group will. It'll say this person has been removed.

Right, but they won't. Yeah, but then when you have to remove one by one, everyone else will be like, oh shit, my number's about to come up. Oh, that's thrilling That is sure you're not just Colby Nolan sitting at home. Just wondering if today's the day Yeah, that's pretty whacked. God damn it. I miss him. He was the best. He was great. He was my favorite RIP I don't like any of the rest of them. Do you think Ron still in there? They were in the old one. Okay. Yeah Do you think? How many times you think you'll see Kobe again in your life? I will never see him again. Right. But I do text him

often. Right. I want some often often once a month. But what usually golf tournaments? What? Why? He bets Tony Finau. Oh, yeah, that's right. Tony Finau tracker. And if Tony Finau is doing well, I'll text him. And if he's doing poorly, I'll also text him. And if he's doing average, I'll text him. And then he becomes a Tony Finau tracker. I love the trackers. Trackers are just everywhere now.

And they're just so... The one... Who was it? Siwoo? No, Siwoo, I love that guy. But there was one tracker who was like, Oh, I'm gonna miss this weekend It's like dude That's literally your job. You can't be a tracker and say you're gonna miss a tournament. You're the tracker

Here's the tracker like that's fucking crazy. Yeah, you're missing your brother's wedding You have to you like take the tracker out of your name fraud I think it was maybe Brooks's tracker for like the Masters like I'm I think he lives in Australia He's like I'm playing golf today, so I'm not gonna be able to track. It's like what? Fucking you can't do that. It's like Joe Linares going to sleep on Saturday night champions, right? Yeah Fucking bullshit. That's what we should have known the championship week doesn't matter Yeah, the earth Sunday definitely does Sunday Doesn't matter definitely Saturday doesn't matter.

Definitely tipped us off. Plus he not sleep in May. He sleeps whenever he sleeps whenever. Yeah. Yeah. By the way, game time, the best part of college basketball is here. We know you're as excited as we are to watch some big upsets

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Can I clear something up? Yeah. So wait, for people for the context, for people who missed it, Barso After Dark last night it was blind deaf dumb, no no, yeah, Blind Deaf Dumb, and it was Tate versus Frank building IKEA furniture. So, and then Mincy and Mikey Betts were the ones giving them directions, but they would switch off. Like, you couldn't hear one round,

you couldn't speak one round, you couldn't see one round, and so on and so forth. And you were originally supposed to do it? No, I was concerned that people would see the advertising and think when I wasn't there that I backed out or I was being a bitch or something. I was never part of it. I was never playing. Lucas came up to me last week and said, can I use your name to make Tate think that you're

going to help him, but I'm actually using mince the whole time. So and I said, I don't care as long as, you know, doesn't make me look bad. But so I was never, I was never part of it. I was never asked to do it. It was just always a setup for mince to be there. Got it. Got it. But there were, you know, people were like, oh, why is Brandon Walker not there?

I was like, I hate, I will, I would do one, but I wasn't doing that one. Yeah. Okay. You meant same difference. Yeah. So this was mincy. I believe in this round. He couldn't hear What was it he couldn't hear here tate couldn't see he couldn't see he had a blindfold on Mints had music playing in his ears so the so the the the goal in this round is that mincy would

Vocalize the directions to tate and tate would try to do it blindfold. Yes. Which that for like 15 of the 20 minutes was Mincy looking at the instructions. I mean, like, I don't even know what I'm... I got nothing. He was looking at the instructions. He was like, I have no idea what I'm looking at. All right, so why were they doing it in a truck? I don't know.

This was another Lucas twist. Yeah. All right, so this is Mincy. It was cold outside last night. He's got to say the directions to Tate. Easy enough. Talk to me. Talk. Talk.

Talk to me. He doesn't know sign language. Talk to me. Talk. He's using sign language. He doesn't have that. Tate can't see. I mean. Say it again?

Oh, he's blind! If Minzy got lost in the woods, he'd just die. How is he not talking? He would just die. Franks might die just watching this. Does Minzy know that he can talk? I don't know if he knows anything anymore, Tate. Minzy, stop hitting the goddamn wall!

He went nonverbal. You can talk! You broke him, Tate. Anywhere t stop in the goddamn he went number you You broke them t I can hear oh you can hear They would pound the truck because one pound would be yes two pounds would be be no. So that was his communication. He just didn't realize. Why would he think Tay couldn't hear him? I don't know. He's blindfolded. You can see his ears out in the open. And it's also like- You can see his ears.

They take away one of the three things. And if you're wearing headphones, he's wearing a blindfold, it's like very clear. You can talk he can listen. Yeah Mincy can use his eyes see his ears aren't covered. You can talk and Oh, man, how long does that take them? I'm not sure Jenks said or mincy said he was out of here at 130 I mean Ikea furniture like if I can if I was able to use all my faculties, it still would take me at 130. I mean, Ikea furniture like if I can, if I was able to use all my faculties, it still would take me three hours. I suck at that shit. Did Frank just cruise through it? Yeah, Frank. I didn't see any clips of him like Frank and Mikey did really

well. Why is he walking me? All right, now stop. Now bend down. Pick that up. No, I want to give me the fucking chair. All right. Break the chairs. You want to leave this here? I want the context. these are so funny. Like, if they didn't explain it to anyone, you're so... When Frank had the headphones on, Lucas kept playing, uh, Chappellrone in his ears, and he would, like, scream. He was like, turn the fucking Chappellrone off now!

It's like a Devil's Curse song. Oh, man. So good. I saw another clip where Mince, he was playing music Mince liked, and Mince would just stop and kind of dance. Just put on some widespread. God damn it.

All right, so should we go get Cody? If you want to. I mean, I want to. He's watching. Cody, come in. Cody, come in. Wait, yeah, let's see this. What do you think Ferd has?

Enough to drive you crazy every day! Two, five! Bottom, bottom's falling apart. You're gonna need to re... Holy shit. Yeah, you're gonna have to get underneath, yeah. Alright, I need... The two bottom right screws.

Yeah, you need to... need to bottom right Cody hello, it's good. How we doing good. How you feeling? I thought it went great I mean, I don't know if that was a general vibe. How are you feeling, like, in general, though? Oh, terrified. Really? Yeah. Why? Always, it's my baseline. OK, but you're a confident guy. Yeah, confident enough. I'm situationally confident.

I had a funny moment with Cody on Monday. I was like, we were in the kitchen discussing the least funny allegations. And then Stephen Che was like, oh, Cody makes me laugh all the time. And I just walked away. I was like, there you go laugh all the time and I just walked away. I was like there you go Cody knew in that moment. He's like that was the one guy that I didn't want to have my back in this situation You're the unfrosted of people

Alright so set it up. Alright, so it's a little long. I tried narrowing it down, but there was a lot we had to get to. I'll take it away. If we could just play the video, I'll narrate everything because there's some surprises. Alright, it's time for our second first date with Kate this time the third member of our love triangle is Cody Ferdinand Basically a young man who is aspiring to be a dad joke enthusiast Keyword aspiring him and Kate are kind of like a PG rated improv duo you find in a kid's party You know Kate just tells us to meet her at this random spot on the river

No follow-up questions there just a play out of John Wayne Gacy's book. And Cody is already pissing me off. The giant goose! Is this the only entrance? Before we could even find out why we're there, we get stopped by yet another animal. This time a bunny stranded on an island. How did he even get there? I guess he's got hops. For those who know Cody, we would have asked him to have planted that stranded rabbit there just so he could make that joke. For those who know Cody, you might as well have asked him to have planted that stranded rabbit there just so he could make that joke. Kate finally reveals her dinner by the river spot and I wish she would have gaseied me instead. You like beer?

Yeah, sure. Okay. Why not? Alright. Where is this? Outside the Whole Foods? On Kingsbury? Yeah.

Oh man. Have you guys ever gone magna? Do you guys come here often? Apparently Cody had mentioned that he liked the Chicago River which led Kate to take us magnet fishing. Pretty sure this wasn't the part of the Chicago River he was talking about but we're gonna take a stab at it and it turns out the magnets just weren't biting today. Mud of course it's always mud it's never anything else. Say it's okay, babe To our first pit stop before the final destination

New experience Some attraction magnet one magnet ice man. Yeah, you're still carrying. Did you hold the flowers the whole time? We're gonna pull our opposites. Christ, our second Cody dad joke of the night. We finally make it to the bar. Turns out it only takes Cody one drink to start thinking about whether or not Big Cat really likes him. Hey Cat, are you watching?

I was asking about Big Cat, he's wondering about yesterday on the X. If you really like them or not. I do have an idea that I wanted to pitch to you. Alright. On the X. No, this is real. This is real. No, I know.

Now we are in the Uber on our way to the game event. Wait, wait, pause it. What was the idea? Uh, Danny Khan. Okay. Well, we got a bunch of Dann's. I don't hate that. But you quickly realize it was only his idea because he said I have an idea, it's Danny Con.

It'll be rad. Still the idea stands, yeah. I kinda like Danny Con. But they have to be Danny's. I've never been a Danny. Right, I was telling him that too. You're Stone Cold Dan. Right. Nitro Con while we're at it? Yeah, Nitrocon would be sick. All right. Okay. We're just beginning. Now we are in the Uber,

on our way to the main event, whatever that is. Dan, you want to hop on hogs? It turns out we're going to Wiener Circle for Bad Bitch Bingo and a Fat Coochie Contest. I'm a little nervous because... Are you sure this is the right one? Is there more than one location? No. Sorry. We're definitely the only ones who've shown up for this So where are all the bad bitches? Oh? Joyce the fat coochie contest is in fact happening We're at wiener circle if you don't know they're purposely mean and cruel to every customer I don't think Cody knows that but he's about to abruptly find out.

We're here for the Fat Coogee contest. Fantastic, you don't qualify as a. He might, he'd be surprised. He better not, okay? That thing better not be that small that it looks like a fucking pussy. He got a little tater tot. Here, this is for you.

Thank you. Thank you so much. Whatever. We get our food and then. Wait, time out. Did you know, did you know. Whatever. We get our food and then we time out. Did you know? Did you know Wiener Circle? I've heard of it.

Yeah. Okay. But did you know that that's the stick there? Yeah, they kind of briefed me on the way. Okay. Okay. Yeah. I didn't know what to expect.

Yeah. So begins vibes are good, but didn't take long for there to be a record scratching halt when Cody pulled a mortalalson at bingo. I wasn't pussyfooting. I wasn't pussyfooting. And 44. I'm so embarrassed. Kate is genuinely pissed slash distraught. I tried changing the subject, but they're still fighting. I'm upset.

I embarrassed you. I got you these. I didn't. You're on my head. Oh no. What happened? My audio must have cut out. I'm being myself. I'm trying to win this game Kind of fella you did it on purpose and embarrasses Wait what do you do he called false bingo? I thought I didn't go no just no we they just couldn't get over it

God damn it. Why are you my audio must have cut out at the end? Hold on let Let me see. Shit. Well, you can just do it right now. We judged by aroma. Okay, I will. So, we signed Kate up for the Fat Pussy Contest. Okay. Now, she is up there and me and my 26 year old coworker are watching our 37 year old coworker show her quote-unquote print and Right there is the fat coochie contest judge that is how he measures Did you win? Oh no!

Yes she won! Who else was going to win? The celery stalk? Our date comes to a close and in a fairy tale ending both Kate and Cody finally find some common ground together So you have a small dick and I have a small wussy Look at us

Then we all ordered our own Uber's home till next date How Oh my god. How long was this? Probably like two and a half hours. Yeah, we met at 7. Probably left a little before 10. Was it? The description of them being a PG improv group duo

is so perfect. Maybe like a religious one. Yeah. I also sang karaoke at the end as well. You did? Yeah. The song. Let Me Love You. So I didn't include it because I copyrighted

He asked for he asked for let me love you by neo, but then they start playing let me love you by Mario I was like no no this isn't my song. This isn't my song And then I gave the lady the flowers. Oh nice She's nice the lady who made fun of your penis. Yeah, Tater Totes Tatic she appreciate Oh, she loved it So overall pretty good. Yeah at a great time. I don't know how anyone else felt but I don't think Danny had a great time Yeah, it was fine magnet fishing a little too cold for that I'll say that but I think that's like the perfect like summer activity though if you get

Together. Oh, no, that's ever the perfect activity at any time that would be so fun. Do you feel closer with Kate now. Yeah like a school. Why. Why do you look at big cat when Danny asked you the question look at me looking around the room. Wrong Dan yeah like the day it was cool. Good idea thanks Danny look at me dude we say that he's the leader of the show the fuck thank you Kate actually thank you Kate coordinating everything dealing with Cody. Yeah, I never knew Chicago would be this fun Little fucks

What we is that a tweet of yours? It has no yeah, that definitely is it's not it's it's it's worse than it Did he make a mock-up shirt saying Chicago fucks? Oh no I will I? Texted Titus that when I first moved here just Wrigleyville Fox It was a picture of the bus stop in Wrigleyville, and it was let me find it Wrigleyville fuck It stands little eyes. It's true. Yeah. Yeah does fuck, but it's just picture me at a bus stop It's true. Yeah, yeah does fuck but is your picture me at a bus stop Yeah, I'm gonna send it to see it feels like like Wrigleyville Fox is what like you know a fret bro would say but then When it doesn't land you kind of pivot to like oh no like I'm being I'm being like satirical

Yeah, no, I I just was excited and then that was the picture I had taken sent it to me and TJ Look the pictures so I just texted the yeah, it was September 3rd, 2023 at 10.36 p.m. A picture of Cody at the bus stop in Wrigleyville. That's pretty funny, Cody. TJ. Thank you, big head. I appreciate you.

He is gonna be thinking about that till he dies. That? That's pretty funny, Cody. Yeah, that, yeah. There it is. Wrigleyville Fox. Wow. I don't think this was a joke, though. I don't think this is genuine. I don't know if I'd ever heard it. That that's pretty funny Cody. Yeah, that yeah there it is Fox Wow, I don't think this was a joke though. I don't know I don't know I don't think I'd ever met Cody in the flesh to be honest like you you were working on my show for like a month

Maybe oh, I don't know if we'd ever actually met and then I just suddenly I wake up. Yeah Suddenly, I wake up, yeah, then I went to a Cubs game. I texted it back to him. Oh. Oh. Yeah, we have fun. That's aggressive. And I just get a random text from this kid that just says, man, Wrigleyville.

Like, you had just moved to Chicago, and you're like, God damn, Wrigleyville. You know who would love this? God damn, Wrigleyville, fuck, just bus stop in Wrigleyville. Oh. Oh, it fucks. That's so funny.

That's, that's Cody. You're really funny, Cody. You're so funny. Thank you really really fun likewise Yeah, damn. I didn't know you had that in you Just get scratching the surface here. We might have to rip up your contract make it a content contract. Oh don't You grow a mustache he's trying yeah, and he asked everyone What do you think about my mustache and I had to like look into his think like look too close to his face I just walked away. How many days it's like a month like catfish It only comes in on the side yeah, you're catfish. I think it's sick

Makes one of us from whom general people I encounter name to Why how long are you gonna grow it? Until it stops growing. I think it I think you got already happened. We've only just begun started growing You should like go to Turkey your mustache transplant. You're gonna need it. What do you guys are all like mustache guys? How do I I mean you have to be a man Right your boy. Oh, what's your next big move Cody? Yeah, we got cooking anything uh Gonna go see if Lincoln Park fucks

KB and Nick are getting me to do a stand-up open mic. Oh, oh my god. Oh my god We should put that on the wheel. That's oh my god. That would be torture. That's gonna be my Scott's Tots. Oh my god, we should put that on the wheel. That's oh my god. That would be torture. That's gonna be my scots-tots. Oh my god It'll be good. I actually I got you have any material. I got a deep bag. All right, give us something You got anything now? I had some my notebook deep well, you're right. Oh, you're not books. You want an opener? We need to put the Mike and Miller on an opener even Che will open for okay. All right, Stephen Che Get get one of your bits going. We'll have an opener all right go get your notebook How does he not know like he watches the yeah, he knows us if you say I have I have a deep bag of material That's instantly gonna be bring it out course and not only that he said it's pretty good He knows us. If you say, I have a deep bag of material,

that's instantly going to be bring it out. Of course. And not only that, he said it's pretty good. Yeah. There's no way that that's not coming out right now. Oh, man. I feel for the lad right now. He's panic walking to his desk.

And also, just the best part about this is like, Stephen changes on command. You can just be like, hey, we need an opener. He's like, done. Done. No problem. He actually looked a little disappointed that he has to do it you want it you want to have Cody be your opener Are you done to me? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? It does I don't have any any new comedy stuff. You don't have any new kids no

What about something you haven't done on the show though that you've done? Cuz you're saving stuff do your pet pig bit Little skittles always little skittles is so good All right, I gotta remember. I just play the class. I need a new one though I need a little skittles and a new one what you need to remember little skittles I don't have a new one for sure cuz I've done all my quote-unquote new ones I've already done this show You I thought you saved some I did oh no

List the the topics will tell you if we've what's on your mind. What's like what's something you feel like is We heard fireplace in the water little skittles We heard fireplace in the water little skittles Movies the problem with black people We covered all the base what's the deal with Jews? more known murders and gay guys Wait, what what was that more known murderers in the NFL and gay guys run that one back?

That's right. I didn't really have a structure built out. Homophobic urologist. Oh! Do we have that one? Do we have a homophobic urologist? Yeah, I don't think I've got that one. That one tickles my fancy. He's saving it for the special. Yeah, okay. I'll be doing that and I want to hear a homophobic urologist. Alright, I'll do the homophobic urologist. It is a... That's the only one I'm going to do. That is a very quick bit. All right, you're just the opener though. Okay good. All right

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Incorporated Dosh offer terms apply start spending your Venmo balance instantly with Venmo debit card sign up today at Venmo.com slash card slash apply Where's the notebook Cody? So I don't have the notebook with me. Can we check your bag? Yeah,, you can. Do you have notes on your phone? I have some notes on my phone, but they're not like full things. Guess you'll have to free ball some of them.

I don't know if this is gonna work. It's half packed, half packed. Yeah. All right. Believe in yourself one time. Mm-hmm, someone has to. I believe in you. That makes one.

All right Che, you ready? The mark does too. I believe in you, Cody. I do not. Yeah. Eddie is on the fence. in you. That makes one. All right, Che, you ready? Well, Mark does too. I believe in you, Cody. I do not. Yeah. Eddie is on the fence. I gave him a fist pound for encouragement.

But like we've talked about, you respond to negative coaching. That's another thing I picked up with Cody. When you tell him he sucks, that actually helps him. So I'm the greatest coach you've ever had. Yeah, you're actually a great coach. Hall of Famer. We've talked about this in private, that when I tell him he's killing it, he's like, I don't know what to do. When you tell me I suck at something, it gives me a task to lock in on.

So yeah. Okay. He likes negative coaching. Are you ready? All right. Up to the stage, Happy to open for a young upcoming talent, Captain Ferdinand. All right. Yeah. Yeah. Who? This is going to be brief. This is my impression of a homophobic urologist, which if you don't know urologist is a penis doctor. Oh boy

This is the urologist performing a vasectomy Audience member audience member do a little crowd work before that get you get us to know do some crowd work with him before Before that get us to know do some crowd work with him before You need a volunteer yeah, I need a volunteer for this one or alright for this next bit I call it the homophobic urologist. Let me Need a volunteer anyone with a very tiny penis raise your hand That's good crowd work Danny Yeah! That's good groundwork! Danny, weenie weenie. Um, alright so, uh, your name for everyone in the crowd? Nitro.

Nitro man. That fucked him up! Alright, uh, Nitro, we're gonna be performing your vasectomy today. Um, pull down your pants, just pretend to pull down your pants obviously. Nitro we're gonna be performing every second me today All right lay down you can sit down The microphone will act as the penis perform an operation Oh Why did I need to go Also, can we play back that was the most genuine damn it when Like it was like real life. They was like shit. There's another night

Can we play back that damn it TJ? That was the one thing you can't say I said it Damn it. I did not plan for this damn it Alright so your name for everyone in the crowd? Nitro. Nitro man. Nitro man. What's the fuck? What's the fuck? What the fuck? That fucking broke his ankles.

So, why did he become a urologist in the first place? It's a good question. Steve, why did I have to go up there and fake take my pants off? Also, the urologist doesn't have to suck it, he just has to perform It's almost like a car mechanic. Yeah Clip the scissors mm-hmm

Thesectomies in the scrotum to cut your dick did they no no no it's a Took it clean off Knife and I don't want to give it so but it's a knife in the testicle So why'd I have to go up? I wanted to set the scene What about like a homophobic male fluffer? I feel like it's a it's a good premise We could uh I mean we need to workshop Figure out what works what doesn't yeah, yeah, really the only note for your special you didn't need Danny Yeah, or it could have been like a two-set could have been you could have just been like here's my impression of a homophobic urologist

You didn't stay to introduce the next act we don't have If you're on the road, I would suggest you might as well use the volunteer's dick as the fake dick and not the mic. That'd make more sense. Yeah. Like, tweet to their own, you're the comedy king. But you're onto something. I do think that the premise is there.

Yeah. Thank you, thank you. And I did, actually, you should play back the having everyone raise their hands and then after they raise their hands, be like, yeah, when you- Yeah, that was good crowd work. That was really good. I liked that one. Really good crowd work.

That was awesome. Thank you, thank you Thank you all right cody you're up Ladies and gentlemen up next to the stage. I'll have it. What do you mean? You'll have it cody my notebook, but I'll I'll try Good how are you? Where's your notebook? Am I apartment? How far away is your apartment? 10 minutes. Oh, just go get your notebook then. You don't want to see what he wrote right now? No, because it's clear he doesn't have the confidence. I want to see what's going on. He's not gonna, but I feel never have his notebook. Wait, hold on. He's got his notebook. He's not gonna get the confidence and him not having the confidence I want to see what's going on he's not gonna but I feel never have a notebook wait hold on he's gonna get his notebook he's not gonna get the confidence and him not having the confidence is part of the yeah all right go ahead I got out of that um all right so you guys ever go to like department stores I prefer to shop in person a lot of people like to shop online I was at

a department store recently just walking down the aisle checking out the mannequin, looking at the clothes on person and I just happened to notice, you ever seen a mannequin with a fat ass? Yeah, not often, but when you do it strikes you, hits you right in the heart mm-hmm Yeah so my first comedy show so let's uh Just be a good crowd tonight. No matter if I sound dumb or mess up. I promise me you'll laugh, okay? All right, you know laughter is like the currency of a comedy show. It's how I pay the bills and

So I'm gonna need all the support here tonight I pay the bills and So I'm gonna need all the support here tonight a Lot of people like to get fueled up with coffee in the morning. They like to get energized They like to get their day started with coffee, and there's always that one guy It's like don't talk to me until I've had my morning coffee. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, right here Yeah, what's your favorite kind of coffee? I just like the black coffee. Okay great So yeah, you know the guy the type of guy who's so annoying imagine him getting fired up for work

He's going into the office. His boss is coming up to his desk. Hey, do you have those reports? Don't talk to me till I've had my morning coffee he goes home after a stressful day hasn't seen the wife and the kids in a while and The wife's a little unhappy. She goes to serve him some divorce papers. Don't talk to me till I've had my morning coffee Don't have my notebook dude, these are skeletons remember currency is the yeah, we got laughs So I got kicked out of a bathroom the other day. I really had to go Walked into you know just a grocery store downtown Didn't buy anything. That's the number one rule you got to buy something to use the bathroom

I go in I'm mid piss guy walks in hey pal. What you doing dick in hand? Just pissing He's like we're gonna have to ask you to leave. That's fine. My piss is already in your urinal. Hahahaha! Woo! Got him! You ever get a haircut at a place that also serves drinks? Some alcoholic beverages? Yeah!

Why would I want hair in my drink? Yeah! I gotta put the drink under the cape I'm fiddling with it and the haircuts so bad you have to drink to forget it Mom was in town recently oh She wasn't feeling well unfortunate long travel day She asked if I could run to the store to get her some you know some vitamin C. I Ain't no OJ simps on Yeah, too soon

Stop smoking weed Never really started, but I was dabbling had to stop smoking the gas I went easy I was Getting into history a lot Looking at the presidential list Abraham Lincoln one of the most iconic presidents. Mm-hmm starting to think he was gay He did marry Todd. Oh! Yeah! Oh yeah!

Cody! Oh my God! Cody! How was that? That was good, dude. Oh, wow. That's just a little... That's my guy Cody.

That was without notebooks or something. Yeah, that was you raw dog Oh, you have like a slam poetry cadence almost is that good or bad? I don't know yet Alright, I never seen a mannequin with a fat ass so you got that right yeah, it's rare. I see one in the wild you like goddamn All right good shit, Cody was that all of was that everything that was in the notebook or is there like a well that was a lot I feel like I have a full like ton of stuff so you didn't empty the clip there per se no not even close I think yes that was pretty good that was pretty good

made big cat laugh at some wool I think sprinkling some jokes and all all that stuff and you got something Yeah, yeah, those are I think you're on the right track Yeah, you just got to sprinkle on some jokes, and you'll be good. Are you gonna watch this back? later tonight when it's Just I was laughing mm-hmm not at me right no at you well Not with you don't really matter doesn't laugh is a laugh mm-hmm. It's the currency. It's a currency. Yeah Laughing at you just like dirty money. Yeah, it's how you pay the bills right so

That counts the same We're having fun. Yeah I enjoyed that. Thank you. Thank you to my opener Stephen Che. Yes beauty So when are you actually doing stand-up with Nick and KB? Allegedly supposed to be next month Funny time. Oh, I might have to go out and see that. Mm-hmm a life actor. You know where to find me No, I don't where I know where it is. I don't either Let you know, okay, good shit Cody. All right, cool. Thanks Cody

What you know how to walk out. What'd he say? See, why you gotta end like that? I don't know. What did he just say? I don't even know what he said. I didn't hear it. He was doing okay and then he just ended it awkwardly?

That's how he does. Did you hear what he said? I think he said, you want me to go out? After we already told him, see ya Cody. And clap for him. Yeah, had to double check I guess. I ain't no OJ Simpsons. Mary Todd.

Damn. That's what I mean about the poetry. I love Cody. He's a man. Yeah, I mean, I told him, like, saying he's least funny is a good thing, because that's a thing he has now. He'll become funny. Right, I told him, I was like, he's like, what should I do? Should I change what I'm doing?

I'm like, don't change a thing. Yeah. Because being least funny will be hilarious eventually. Definitely. I'm still kind of floored by the homophobic urologist, though. That one took my breath away. He could have gotten into any career path. Be scared of dicks or a verse to them. Yeah. Maybe follow his dad.

Maybe it was a family business. Yeah, maybe it was a family business. Family practice, huh? Yeah. How did he get through med school? Right. If he Jackson and son urology clinic, you would have had to have. Yeah. Yeah. There had to have been a lot of times where he's like, why am I doing? Why am I doing this? Yeah. Hey, penis. You gotta go to medical school for a while to be able to work on the penis. Yeah, that's a have been a lot of times where he's like, why am I doing? Why am I doing? Yeah? Hey penis You gotta go to medical school for a while to be able to work on the penis. Yeah, it's a good point the premise Suggested that's the first penis. He's ever seen right right what the hell is that? Huh? No, it's good. It's you got something there. Yeah, there's something there something sure Eddie How would how would you rank Cody stand upset versus White Sox Dave's last year?

Cody's stand-up set versus White Sox Dave's last year? Cody's is better Was he just yelling at the audience? I can't imagine him making it was worse than that It was it was because it was like fundamentally kind of rough like he had ideas And he forgot to say like punchlines like he was he had one where it was the gist of it was like people Confuse Barstool Dave him with Dave Portnoy, and he's like never mentioned Dave Portnoy his name, so he kind of scrambled People think I'm the other Dave. I'm short. I don't know a lot of it was like any white Sox fans out there And then they cheer and it'd be like yeah me too

Yeah, like he would have an opportunity like fuck them and fuck you like yeah me too. I'm always Like a whole thing Clif D. Martino's here tonight. It's here for Cliff I think it's on our YouTube. Oh, man. Yes. Oh, I want to see it even ranked it. Would you rank it? He was very mad. Oh, he gave it under a one. What'd you rank it? He was Under a one I think yeah, he gave it like a point eight I believe and Dave was like it wasn't that bad I was worse than he thought oh, I gotta see some of this now. I don't know how I miss this It was you were out you were out that day. Yeah White socks Steve doing oh by the way our Oh, by the way, our lunch arrived. Yes, please.

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Oh, yeah, what was that clip TJ you had of the minstrodamus? Okay, you got like a smaller okay Say this bag look at my mouth look at my mouth bag bag Listen listen listen bag Hey I'm talking about you. Listen, listen, listen. Bag. Peg. Bag. Peg? Bag.

Peg? Bag. Bag. Yes. Is there another one? Okay, you've got your bag. You're holding the bag. Okay. Should you just, should we just like, while we're in commuting, should we just open all the boxes?

I don't know what the, I don't really know what we can. Back, back, back, right? Back. Is there a second back? Two screws? No. This is from the first box and there's nothing. If I'll say this, if there's a second bag when I open up my eyes, I'm going to be mad. Is there a second bag? I blame the wheel. We've got the screw to every... Can I get

down? Can I get down? Okay, you can get on the ground. Am I good? Okay, you're getting down. I'm good. Okay, you're good. You've got three pieces. What is this? You're good.

There's nothing below you to clear right now. What is this? All the pieces are out in front of you. Okay. That's just a, I don't think that's anything. It's a box. There's no way. That's just a box.

There's no way that this is nothing. Maybe there's something in there. I don't know. What does that mean? There's no way! That's just a box. There's no way that this is nothing! Maybe there's something in there, I don't know. Looks like an empty box to me. Fucking bottle, man! Can't hear!

Ooh, I know, Tsunamis! Jesus Christ. It's such a smaller box. Oh my god He's special special boy. God love him. God love him special special boy And they killed they like Frank killed him right they yeah, right? They immediately demolished them. Good, the rifle. You would have done a lot better of a job, Brandon. I think so, yeah. But they wouldn't let me, I tried. I tried to come last night.

You tried really hard to come. They said we had mints. Yeah, you got mints, you don't need Brandon. What? Huh? I don't know. Was there any mints at the other places you worked? No. No. No. No. Imagine mints at like, Ringer. Huh, I don't know. We got any brand in the other places you worked No

No, that's why no peer I'm here Eddie He really this is really the only place that could employ him I swear like yeah when Dan was trying to hire me here He's like yeah, we got a great setup in Chicago we're gonna have a mince, we're gonna have a basketball court. He was in sports radio, local sports radio, but he was in sports radio, was he this and that? That's what I wondered. He had to have been. He couldn't have been. There's gotta be an old show somewhere. But they weren't doing content outside of the show and he does just fine like on a radio show he could talk obviously. Did you guys find him, did he have his own socials before

and you found him that way? No, he just, I think Playboy Marty tweeted out him doing his uh. Celebrating an Ole Miss win. Yeah. He might be like one of the last of his kind. Not noticed through social and someone else filming him. Like did he even have a Twitter?

I don't know. No, Dave just noticed this guy in the south just doing something stupid and hired him And it was yeah what he became to be was so much more than what I think anyone. Yeah ever imagine He was just gonna be like an Ole Miss foil, but he became exactly what I imagined Yeah, I don't know if I agree with that Eddie. I don't know what he what does he become? What what has he become he has become one of the most absurd character Oh, yeah, that's true. Yeah, yeah, that's true. Yeah, like, thinking about you guys, probably like,

oh, we get this guy on streams, you know, he'll holler, he'll be animated, you would never think... Well, I mean, he also almost took down the whole company. That's what I mean, you would never think he was gonna do that. Yeah. You would never think... Yeah, he did. ...of Brandon's job in Jeopardy either.

Yeah, I guess you're right, that actually doesn't like one video and The course of bar stool forever changed with Ben Mitz. Yeah good and bad He's had a huge imprint on the history of this company. Yeah That's true like that is true. Fuck that's depressing but true sad truth Man, it's up Hank. How you doing? Sad truth. Oh Man sup Hank How you doing? Good not going backwards hat Doug. What's up with you backwards hat? Oh

Bad boy. I've never seen that from Doug come back out do a little walk. No spin I like that Apple sauce now do it spin back Yeah, all right Backwards had Doug he's been different ever since he wore it backwards How do I uh, how do I get some confidence into our guys? Oh, what do you mean? Well, Johnny's confidence. He's on my bocce team. We got a game tonight. Oh, okay, and he's just a wreck all the time What's up with that? Zah?

Zah quit being a bitch. I don't know what's been happening Rattled you've been playing poorly. Yeah, I'm up and down. It's like I throw one ball one balls good And then the next one's bad. I just can't get to two in a row you got the bocce hips, brother Yeah, and yeah tonight's a big one. We lost we lost last week We got a win today, and I'm kind of nervous Are you more of a touch guy or like a throw it in there and fuck everything up like a you know? Knock all the balls and cause chaos. I'm trying to be a touch guy. Okay. I'm more of a touch Yeah, I think you got to just empty the mind because like I know what you're saying with with Bocce

Especially like you're trying to make a perfect shot every time you can't you can't do that and once make it close that first one goes bad it's not like fucked for the rest of the game yeah hopefully hopefully hopefully today's ago didn't he start off the season hot though Eddie he did start off hot but then it's one of those games where if you're a beginner you're not thinking about it so you're better right once you played a little bit he's got to empty the mind again. Exactly. You're right. We've got to get back to the original Zah.

He's a sports psychologist. Yeah. Just every shot is the first shot. I'm feeling good today. I'm feeling good. Good. He's too hard on himself. Is it duos?

Yes, it's me and him. And what's your guys' record? We are five and six. Oh no. When are the playoffs? The playoffs are in four weeks. And what do you got to get record wise? Everyone makes it? Oh, okay, so we'll be a middle seed. Okay. Yeah, you're not the worst team. No, we're not the worst team by the means

Yeah, Frank keeps walking by us Does he want to come on I actually might just be doing his walk in the office right now It's looking trim. He is I saw him and Jenks walking down Ashland. Oh really? Yeah, and then I think Jenks got pooped on by a bird. Oh, yeah, that's good luck That's what they say. That's very good luck. That's what they say pigeon Yeah, like went all down his hat and his shirt. It was a long long dripper Why do you have motherfucking bird shit on you?

Man What time's bocce? six o'clock It's got to be a like awesome crew Just like the vibes there. It's a bunch of Italians. Old guys, yeah. Yeah, exactly. Bunch of old Italians and me. This is what we were talking about yesterday. You were born at the wrong time.

I know. Like that's, I'm not, I weirdly got to the point where like I'm not afraid to get old. Yeah. Because I see like all the old guys in my neighborhood, they all sit outside at like these like little social Italian clubs. That's awesome. And they just talk all day. Basically like this.

Yeah. You know, it's be nice Yeah, I've said it before but like like my retirement. I was like, oh, I want to like open like a pizza joint or like a Coffee joint and just have like a back room where I watch sports and hang out and then my wife was like but that's what you Have right now. You already have it's like yeah, you're right You just have a room where you sit with the guys and watch sports Yeah, but there's something different about like sitting at like a little booth that you put the side. Yeah two leaders all over the place Yeah, like soprano style never serving anything. Yeah, there's something better about that

Having like a little clubhouse. Oh, you have a clubhouse you guys like two leaders I feel like that's like the worst that was what you took away from that conversation You guys like two liters. I feel like that's like the worst that was what you took away from that conversation Like your cans you got I don't know fountain Two liters bottom of the barrel. Yeah, I guess if we're ranking it. I'd go fountain one easy. Oh, I don't know I think yeah, oh good fountain that cans. I love fountain over can yeah Fountain damn can over found. Oh, I'd maybe go bottle over can now bad fountain is worse than can yes But good fountain is elite fountain that has the correct amount

Yeah, but it's hard to get good fountain sometimes But they've made them all so like new and I feel like they're just they all kind of rock down You know the new ones like the movie theater ones are intimidating. Yes, there's like 75 options It's like cherry vanilla Mountain Dew those don't make sense to me at all because isn't the coke Recipe like super super secret. Yeah, and they're just like fucking putting lime and orange and everything into it It's basically it works the same way a ink printer prints paper so like you know how you put ink cartridges into a printer and then it can mix like red and blue or red and green and yellow To make blue like it can mix the colors to make other colors

It's a bunch of printer cartridges of flavor So there's like a coca-cola one and then there's like an orange one and then there's a sprite one and then there's like a cherry One that can see it's not impressed look at his face Looks like we got a material for the stand-up. Yeah So the reason I don't like is because you've pressed the coke it comes out in like you can see clear stuff coming out And you can see dark stuff come out. I don't I just want it to be one. No you're right That's the freestyle machine is very polarized, but it ends up being oh this is one and it's so just close your eyes Yeah, but then I don't see how the hot fucking Danny's lemon that he had the drink before me like

That's why you gotta let it run for a second. I guess but clean out the pipes Yeah, wait, so you would go can over bottle and thousand percent What's the drink of choice here we're talking coke. I do think that matters, too But because the old glass bottles are the best old glass bottles best. Yeah I think a good I do think that matters too, but because the old glass bottles are the best old glass bottles best. Yeah, absolutely I think a good Dr. Pepper out of a can it's nice. I was never a Dr. Pepper guy either now

Never you're really getting those spices. Yeah Two liters almost a spy you me specifically Two liters almost. A spike. Yeah, you. Me, specifically? What do you mean? Oh, you looked at me like I was, it was me. Yeah, I eat spicy food, Dr. Pepper.

I think that's what they say, right? It's like spiced cola. 23 flours. Yeah, I think that's it. Maybe that's why I don't like it. Wait, is Dr. Pepper your one-one? No, no, no. What's your one-one?

It's so basic, but Pepsi Coke is like, yeah, it, it's gotta be I'll forever be a root beer guy. I'm sorry really Yeah, I love root beer. Let's just stop you right there. What was your one one Pepsi? It's interchangeable. I think it's better with different things No, no, but you said what'd you say Pepsi slash coke? Okay. All right I thought you thought there was a variety of Pepsi called Pepsi Coke Oh, no, no, no, which would be I opposing ideals right there. Yeah, I feel like root beer just it always hits players Yeah, but I don't fruit beer is like a once every couple of weeks drink I don't know that you don't drink root beer at every meal. No, yeah, but I've never really I mean, I've had a bad root beer, but it just when it hits it's just I don't think it can be replaced I agree. Have you seen this dude from Utah who drinks like a shit ton of pop 100 no

I have no addicted to soda. Have you seen that guy TJ? Yeah, I can't tell if he's working us or not because it's it's okay TJ got a poem up. He's fun. This is what Stephen Che has done it again folks And he was talking about getting old and then now we're here because he said, do you guys like two liters? Speaking of bocce. He's the integral part of the show for this. Two liters are exclusively a birthday for a kid's birthday. We should actually just see, like,

what's Stephen Che's, like, riff tree? Like, the amount of riffs that happen just from his, like, crazy brain just picking up on the wrong thing we're talking about. Yeah, like it's the spiderweb. Yeah, that would be a good stat. Yeah, it's gotta be really high. You know his handle TJ?

There we go. Okay, so this guy's, wait is he a Mormon? He's from Utah. I think that's a BYU fan. That would track, They love soda. I thought they can't have soda. The diet sodas. And they do like the dirty sodas, right? Where they do like creamers in it.

Wait, they're only allowed to have diet soda? Maybe I'm... They have like soda bars in Utah. Like it's like a place where you go and they just give you like weird soda mix drinks. They do this, yeah. What is he doing? What is this? 234 ounce I don't think he's through lunch yet. Why what are you doing? Wait? This is all one day dude. Yes, no way

How many times oh, oh this is counting up, okay, all right, so he's at 422 ounce how many peas This guy's just pure soda. He's going two at a time? I'm not even drinking that much water. He said he peas about 10 times a day. No kidney problems either. No kidney problems. 614 ounces of soda.

Five gallons of soda. God. One day. That's all one day. Imagine five gallons of water. Oh my. That was a laundry basket. God.

Oh, what was that burger he's just waking up ripping even tasted at that point see me while you gotta have and so to like sprite zero what the fuck we even seen him really drink any of this? Oh, that's wild This is life of a soda addict part 46 when my soda stockpile starts getting low I need to ration my supply It's not long until the next sale considering this was my supply only a few days ago So when I'm in a mode of rationing I make multiple trips to the gas station with both of my hundred ounce mugs to get a bounteous fill up of soda to the gas station with both of my hundred ounce mugs to get a

Bounteous fill up of soda Different flavors, it's very important you get the pebble ice. It just makes you feel more bougie in this instance I'm getting fresca and dr. Pepper zero I was trying to go light on the legacy hearing himself to drink this much File I Kind of I kind of... This is awful. I think we... We gotta get him for the Royal Rumble

case race. And he just goes sodas? He goes all sodas, yeah. Yeah, that's a big call. Like, imagine him coming out. He could try and 1v1 my dad in Rootbears. Yeah. Like, I need to see this in action. I wanna see...I wanna be doing the case race, and his music hits, and he comes out, and he's just crushing cans of soda.

This is Life of a Soda Addict, part 35. TJ, we got to hit him up. Steven, you got to. Of course I do, at the gym. But I would be lying if I didn't sneak in a can of soda. Andy's got gum. We've got a good mixture of water and carbonated soda. I don't think he. This has to affect like how he tastes these things

An easy can like I don't think he can It's so effective at some point well because correct me if I'm wrong you can't drink that much water You know water for you're like drowners. Yeah, he's gonna drown himself with soda, but for soda I think it I was I was arguing with so much soda has some electrolytes so you're able to I think it I was I was arguing with so much soda has some electrolytes so you're able to Digest it or so. Who are you arguing with about a couple friends or watch the tournament? Is he just been burping all the time? Oh He's not in with the turkey Showing all of the feats of strength that my body can do when consuming this carbonated

His hair is a roller coaster. I need more on this guy. I don't he just Yeah Work, I need to talk. Yeah, I think so He doesn't have like one I feel like guys to get this way would have like one or two drinks They stick to and he seems to be drinking them all I went out a lot be particular he ranked them I think that's his favorite like fresco. Yeah, I did I There can't be that's that'd be so expensive and so much liquid eight million views on the fucking soda The machine the internet was a mistake Yeah, it really was yeah

We need this guy to just stay doing this thing on his own yeah he can be on like local TV in Utah you have a show soda man my strange addiction probably would have caught him at some point yeah Frank used to drink all shit little soda. Yeah ton Eddie you just drank 11 12 so does yeah drink 10 Pepsi zeros for the I was do that was difficult. I Was a lot. I mean just saying that sounds absurd and this guy's just doing this how many yeah, how many ounces is that? And this guy's just doing this. How many? Yeah. How many ounces is that?

12. So 100, 140. Not a math guy. Say 140. This guy's drinking five times that amount in a day? Yeah, we might be getting worked. Yeah, I think we're worked. That's...

Surprisingly though, it was the easiest part of the challenge, but... But that's an insane amount. Yeah, like, I don't think I could drink 500 ounces of water a day. But I don't think I could drink 500 ounces of water today. But I don't think you can, though. Remember that radio station that killed someone? I took out a wee?

Yes. What happened? A radio station did a contest who could drink the most water, and you win a wee, and someone died. Because if you drink too much water, effectively you'll just kind of drown yourself. You drown yourself, like your brain. It happens, like frats have had, like there was a frat kid at Penn State that died

just drinking too much water. Hold your wee for a wee competition. Jennifer Strange, a 28-year-old mother of three was among 18 people. This is tragic. Should have accepted some responsibility knowing that drinking so much water was dangerous. How long could you hold your weight?

Strange drank nearly two gallons of water in over three hours during the contest, and then when it hurt, Strange said, well, one male disc jockey remarked that she looked pregnant, and another woman said that is so funny. But if you pee it out, you're fine was it did she yeah I don't know I'm not I think it's basically like like internal drowning

that's how they describe it there was so much liquid inside of her that like her insides burst so if you just pee you'll be fine yeah like there's no way drinking two gallons of water but time out though if you're drowning why don't you start peeing yeah it's a good yeah why is the page just force itself out? Yeah, what are intoxicated? Get out of me pee? How does an internal drowning look? Are you like? Yeah, what it click on water and education? water poisoning Excessive water intake normal you need to electrolyte. Oh, that's the key You need I electrolyte don't eat. That's the key

Huh hmm water intoxication I'll be goddamn It makes sense cuz like drowning is literally just drinking too much water Yeah, eventually for sure But he could do it because the electrolytes got it supposedly. Supposedly. Six lesions in three hours cause the death of a human. Wow. All right. That's something new every day. Thanks, Jay. So how would soda then...

Yeah, I don't understand that part. Because that... He's probably peeing. ...is an electrolyte. And he's peeing. Yeah, he's functioning. Still just an insane amount of fluid. I'll say it, too much soda.

Too much. Too much. This is a stupid conversation. Can we go to Stephen Che's other? Yeah, please. When you wash your hands, what is the temperature? Now, you may be thinking, I don't know, what are my options here?

Che on the other did provide options. This came from Pat Bev saying he only washes one hand after peeing? Maybe. I don't wash my hands after out you haven't heard the choices yet okay when you wash your hands what is the temperature warm cool hot or cold oh good question and if he hadn't put those on the sheet I don't know what we would oh good question good question warms unequivocally the answer but yeah, what's why Jay? I was surprised. I was a cold guy my whole life and then I That's just what I grew up like turn on you right-handed. It was easy, but then I recently changed to hot

You you lived 39 years and then you found out that warm water is more comfortable to be in than cold water? Well when you brush your teeth you use cold right? Yeah. Yeah. So I mean people have different, I was surprised it was- Steven that's brushing on the teeth. Yeah that's totally different.

Putting water in your mouth which- Which yeah not putting your hands under. Biologically. Well I'm still in the minority because I'm, I see who you you are Do you guys wet soap wet? Is that how you do it? Yeah, no, I think I'm dry so I think I soap wet So what so I know I think I just I go to the sink soap wet. Yeah, all right. I wet so dry So yeah, I don't wet But do you wait for the water to get warm before you wash your hands?

I do it as fast as possible, right? So that's why sometimes by default I go to cold Do you guys wash your hands as you pee? Yes, I like every other If I'm in public, yeah Well, here's the thing a lot of people you could pee without touching your penis also have some like I know where my dick's been Like it would make a lot more sense to wash your hands before you pee. Sure Which any did you do that? No? Would make more Was doing that said that like that's what you do

No, I've always just thought like what's the point of washing my hands after I pee Yeah, I mean unless I get pee on my hands. Yeah. Yeah, they give the dick a bad rap for like being very germy, right? Yeah, wrapped up in there all day, right? It's fine. I guess maybe it's got like a little bit of farts maybe Dick farts dicks what well like if you fart It's it's in the neighborhood. You're saying yeah, I mean it's got a you got a it's got to hit something stink bombs the whole neighborhood Yeah, I guess you're right right About that travels about that travels with that cove. It is next door to a dump

Every time you fart you Dutch oven your own balls. Yeah Just think about that keep that in mind me when I fart I just take I take my pants down and then I fart My dick now, yeah, yeah, just getting trapped down there with it? Yeah. Yeah, you gotta wash that thing sometimes. That would be such a funny thing to do if you just, every time you had to fart, you actually took your pants down. What is he doing over there?

Oh, he's farting. Open air farts feel weird anyway. Yeah, they do. When you're not panted? Yeah, although shower, I let it rip in the shower. Shower's torture, really? Yeah, oh yeah. Let it rip.

It smells so much worse in your water. It's a fart box. Oh, that's making me puke. That's a hot fart, too. Yeah. I'm gagging down the drain every time. You start puking from your own fart in the shower. Yeah, in the shower.

It's like a hot box. Anyway, how many cinnamon buns do y'all eat a year? Oh, great question. Oh. Let me guess what the over-under is. Yeah. Uh, 10 and a half. Oh, no, over-under, one and a half.

Oh. One and a half. I think I probably have hit over one and a half every year. Probably have about three to four a year. I'd say six. I'd probably have want every two months. Really? I like them.

Cinnabon's awesome. You think there's, I mean, there's definitely people, this is America, there's definitely people who just, they eat Cinnabon for breakfast every day. Yeah, but I've never understood it being a breakfast food. Why not? It's just, and I know there's like pancakes, waffles, whatever, but it's just,

I've never, it's never hit me like that. It's a mall food to me. If you think about donuts being a breakfast food, that's kinda crazy. I know, I know, it is for sure. But it is. It is. A good donut in the afternoon is weird.

I like a cinnamon roll at breakfast. Not every day, but yeah. Going out for breakfast, the rare occasions. Yeah. Throw a cinnamon roll. Yeah, just toss one on there. Why not, just toss one on there. If I'm in a place and my wife's getting coffee

and they've got a tray of the window with all all the shirt and there's a cinnamon roll on the top I'm almost always getting it sure for it. Yeah. Yeah, I think I'm going for it. But how many a year Brandon? I would say how many a decade I would say six a year to one every two. How many did you eat in the 90s? I I eat 22 in the 90s 22 in the 90s. Yeah. Oh, yeah, was that your peak decade of cinnamon? No, because I was I was I was poor I was poor and I was poor in 11 when the 90s started so I didn't have access to cinnamon buns Steven how's the lollipops going?

crushing So we had tootsie pops in the office like Three weeks ago, so I think I had three that week. I just got a haircut, I had another one, I got a massage for the weekend and they had lollipops there. So I've had like five in March I think. Whoa. What's the bet here?

No, we just told him he needs to track the amount of lollipops he eats a year. I feel like dum-dums should be two for one though if that's what you got at the barber. That would change the math. Yeah Yeah, dumb. Dumbs are that's not even I mean those are the ones I'm gonna have most often. Yeah Cuz I'm buying a lollipop. Well TJ wait Dave Portnoy got mentioned at the White House You just clarify who is investigating who's leading that and also Dave Portnoy who

endorsed President Trump said today that he thinks that Mike Waltz should leave could you respond to that? Sure great respect for Dave Portnoy but I just answered that previous question from Jennifer as for your original question about who's leading. We're in the dumbest timeline of all time. That's incredible. Dave is asked for firing. I love it. Dave moving it. So we've had you in the report. And then now Dave. Yeah, we're gonna lose a war soon. Yeah, we're going to lose a war soon. Yeah, that feels like something you don't want to have happened.

Right. I don't want. Here's my text. Dave being mentioned in the White House. No. That's crazy. Tito, you have the White Sox. Dave, I don't know how much I want to watch this.

I'd like to see a little of it, though. It's only like four minutes. Dave! Oh, that's it? Yeah. Oh, the's it All the jog I'll be perfectly Kurt. I had no idea. I was going on stage at this very moment. He's blackout drunk, too He definitely knew definitely knew I had like 20 minutes for your advertising what I typically do. I don't do any preparation I just like show up and do shit

Here I am on stage at one of the best comedy clubs in all of Chicago, give it up for Laugh Factory. Now right off the bat, I have to apologize to the audience. I have to apologize because I know you guys saw that you were about to buy tickets to go see David Barsul perform stand-up and here I am a short fat midget with not very much intellect on anything and I'm just talking to you guys like that's a waste of your guys money in my opinion but but... It's all good. I'm trying to pop-doc myself on stage right now.

But I do apologize. Right off the bat, I gotta ask. I see one person right here. Are there any Sox fans in the stage? Or in the audience, rather? In the stage. See, anybody out there that just went up there and is like, oh yeah, woo! Fuck that. I hate that organization. See anybody out there that just like went up there and oh, yeah

Fuck that. I hate that organization. Don't talk about being a fan of that organization He just did hate them you hate them, right? What do you hate most about that? The owner he's Satan he's Satan but uh The owner of both teams. The owner, he's Satan, he's Satan. But here we are, Laugh Factory. Thank you to Nick Teraney, to All-Torrents Sports. He's still doing his intro. Wait, hold on.

Where's Cliff? Yeah. Where's Cliff? Hold on, where's Cliff DiMartino? I know he's out there somewhere. There he is out there somewhere. There he is right there. Cliff, give it up for Cliff DiMartino. That is the biggest fan of parcel sports on planet Earth. But, so five, six, seven years ago I tied myself to the White Sox both financially, emotionally, every single way

you could tie yourself to anything. Like it was basically like that. Except change that, change that. That's what I mean, you missed the joke. They completely just shit down my throat, they hate me. But the whole thing about it is is why is he looking at? Unfortunately, they can say that about where I talk so the same loser

That I tied myself to so They hate all and their loudest fan is a gigantic loser with no redeeming qualities That's again me trying to pop-doc myself. Many of you guys that know me from the gum incident. Who knows the gum incident? The John Cusack incident. Fuck John Cusack by the way.

Can I get a fuck John Cusack by the way, can I get a fuck John Cusack? And I also got dominated by a Velcro wall last summer in embarrassing fashion. I just take nothing but L, but L, but L, but L, but L on the internet. But I did come in third place in a fake home run derby like a week ago, which is kind of cool. On that note, thank you guys again for coming out. Is the intro done? Just about. We have a great show prepared for you.

Oh my God. And on that note, I'm gonna... Oh my God. That on that note My god What did that was it? Yeah, that was it and I think what was the order Danny? There was an opener He was probably three. Yeah, then I think I went and I think he was third. Yeah, I did like his one line I just show up and do shit. Yeah That's a white socks Show up and do shit. Yeah

I believe Stephen gave it a point eight to answer your question. Yeah, Dave gave it Dave Like a seven Dave gave himself like a like a at least a four. I want to say five Yeah, something like that what it was all in the show. Yeah. Oh my god, I Generally think Cody's set was better Cody tried like say joke and the urologist was way better way better Wait, so I just went up and said the white socks. Yeah, the white socks suck while reading. Oh do I? And on that note, yeah, what was he saying pop doc? Like from eight mile or like he makes one of himself didn't really make sense way set it, but we got where he was pop a doc. Yeah

Yeah, just looking at the white socks. I'll be dark as the suck the lead boss in eight mile God, that's what he beats in the final rap battle. That is he drill names Clarence doesn't really what what's the reference it doesn't make sense Insult comic insult rap himself. He was insulting gonna pop a doc himself cuz Eminem Eminem is the one who? Pop a Docs pop a doc right the way Dave is yeah So it was almost there. It's close. I am white. I am a fucking bum Okay Good shit. Yeah a lot of good comedy today. Really good comedy. Yeah, this was a good comedy episode. Really good comedy. All right, do we have one last side? DraftKings. DraftKings Casino. How are you? You? The great re- you. The great rewards

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Only on DraftKingsraft Kings casino the crown is yours Crown oh shit Jim Nance is retiring from the Nip Master in 20 Insane oh what a retirement or 11 years dude you can't do that 50 first even if what if he even if you have decided that decided that that's what you're going to do. Right. Just keep it to yourself for like 8 more years. He doesn't know what's coming up in 2032. Yeah. I don't.

I got one more. That's insane. How old is Jim Nance? I'm going to guess 68. 67. 65. Sneaky old. That's insane. How old is Jim Nance? I'm going to guess 68. 66. 65. Sneaky old.

Sneaky 65. Sneaky. 65. 65. Sneaky. Good guess, Mark. Yeah. Sneaky.

Damn. That's never been done, an 11-year retirement tour. Hey, are you, uh... The Cooper flag announces I'm going to retire in 23rd. Yeah. Um, are you leaving tomorrow or Friday? For what? Wait, no. That's next week. Okay. No, Friday's Plinko Day.

But you're here tomorrow. Yeah. You're going to stop by opening day on mostly sports day. How are you guys going to get through all those boxes? I don't know. Yes! It's just so many boxes. Every time I walk by, I'm just like, yeah, so many boxes. We're gonna do extra innings after the yet. Got it. Yeah But you'll stop by well, aren't there are there some are there some teams that don't have opening day

You can just do it on Friday, too Yeah, maybe If we should have flown to Japan Wow, what's in all those boxes? And that sack is as tall as Ebo. You should pre-open some. It's not sand. Yeah. Because that's actually, it's not like, you could probably get through all those if you took out the actual opening

brite. It's going to take forever. We want it to take forever. It's going to actually take forever, yeah. Boxes are still coming too, and we just got a box from an NFL team. What's in the boxes? We don't know. We't know you just sort of opening days. This is how my pile start Yeah, it's family you open them. Yeah, we the family members have sent us whatever they want to send us my

What happened with my pile where people would just send me boxes and I'd be like well, I don't need this We need it though last year. I got a bunch of weed and gummies and then I just left them and they're still there. Yeah. Jacob tried to take them like a hundred different times. Give them the year old weed now. Yeah I should. It was his birthday yesterday right? Jacob I was thinking. Happy birthday. When I was cleaning out, I will stop by Brendan, when I was cleaning out my pile when we were leaving New York I found at the bottom of the pile courtside tickets to a college basketball game in like 2017. That was a mistake. Was it a good game? I think it was like Illinois playing someone at the

Barclays. Yeah that could happen. Did you guys like have a wish list of any sort for things you asked the fans to send you? Not really. We just leave it open to interpretation. We have a guest anthem singer. Yeah, no, I know. We have a guest box opener. That's right. To open the first box? Let's think about it.

It's a surprise. Yeah, surprise. Let's leave it a surprise. Give the audience something. That tomorrow rank. No Frank's leaving Then the Devils are playing here tonight Frank's still even wait what the Devils are here tonight I don't strange. I don't know if he I assume he does know but I think he's going back Yeah, he was talking upstairs about how the Hawks gonna win like 12 to 1 Hawks are the worst team in the league. Yeah, he was talking upstairs about how the Hawks are going to win like 12 to 1.

The Hawks are the worst team in the league. Yeah. Apparently the Devils are, too. Nutter, motherfucking. Nutter, motherfucking loss. I'm ready for the sweet 16, though. This has been too long of a not watching college basketball. I think the break is good.

The break is good. The break is good for I could have used a game last night. It's a nice reset but I could have I could use a game tonight real bad. Tonight would be if you told me there was a sweet 16 game tonight tonight would make sense tonight feels right like that schedule they did the covid year I kind of liked remember monday yeah what was that I don't even remember another first round was Friday Saturday Sunday Monday. Yeah. Oh really? Yeah so it like it put us into a Like you start the week with college basketball. That was a Gonzaga Baylor year

I had no concept of weeks and days and at that point. Yeah, like I think it was all Yeah, I got Kovac in that tournament I think there was two elite games elite eight eight, or yeah, two elite eight games on that Monday night and that kind of rocked. Yeah. You had a little something, something to start your week off. That's why Monday Night Football's the best.

Yeah, true. Just like restart your week, oh, we got a Monday Night Football game. Just look forward to it. I got a doc that I think's dropping on Friday. Oh, really? About what? It's about a 70-year-old man who is is a competitive eater but for the love of the game.

So he sucks? He's not bad, he's pretty good. Amateur competitive eater. Yeah, so I followed him to two meatball eating contests. Oh my god. Yeah. That's incredible. Yeah.

Did you guys see that Max has bedside meatballs? So when he wakes up in the morning he... I saw the tweet, is that real? He eats a meatball, yeah. How is he? No, he doesn't have bedside meatballs so when he wakes up in the morning. Oh, I saw the tweet is that Paul yeah, how's he know he doesn't have beds I mean sometimes you'll keep one in his mouth while he's sleeping. I've heard a couple guys like this Yeah, what he just lets it rest in his mouth like mouth tape, but it's meatballs meatballs mouth Does he like when they're fermented is that why I don't know he just he said he can't when he wakes up He has to have a meatball. Oh really some people it's a glass of water. Others. It's a meatball my body worked with a guy

He used to like his gyros fermented so he would buy a gyro and he put in his glove box I'm not kidding That's incredible. It tastes better. Oh, wait. So do you have a trailer for this doc? Not yet, but it'll be out I love it tomorrow. Yeah It's a long time coming. How is that? I know one of the events. I was like over a year That was a long time 70 year old man. Just doing it for the love of the game. Yeah, that's that's commitment It's only does he only do meatballs. No, he does a lot of things He went for actually the night of the meatball eating contest. They did a turnaround

They went up to like Huntley and did the turkey testicle festival Wait, so does he only do balls? Uh-huh. No That'd be a very funny competitive. You're like it's got to be in ball form. Yeah, no he won the gear waiting contest here He won a broad eating contest in Sheboygan So he's all over the place. Is he a bigger man? No, not oh Kind of right. Oh, not skinny. Oh. Kind of, right? Not skinny. He's not like Kobayashi.

He's a little husky. What's wrong, Brandon? I'm letting a fart pass. Oh, no. Why would you do that to your penis? Take your pants off. It passed. I'm resisting the urge to pop it out.

The penis doesn't even know it. The penis doesn't even know until you said something. Are you guys ready for Plinko Day? We gotta come up with some new stuff so we'll decide the letters tomorrow yeah we got to sign our letters I don't know your letter yet I'm out Friday what do you mean such a dick I have a wife's birthday we have a thing planned what the fuck I've never miss work I could submit a spot ideas for the wheel I Guess Lucas will have to be but we don't want Lucas to come up with the idea

I guess Lucas you come up with the idea che but Lucas yeah land for you Yeah, Lucas can't be coming up with the idea. Yeah torture. That would be very bad. Yeah Actually tape would maybe be good and coming up with ideas for the middle. Yeah. Yeah. He would be. And then we just have Lucas on deck to just take all of our terrible ideas. It'd be good too if Tate had the opportunity to repunish Lucas for all the things Lucas has punished him on. Yeah, maybe Tate comes up with the ideas and Lucas is just the stand in for Tate. Crash dumb. We all have one pass to Tate comes up with the ideas and Lucas is just the stand-in for Tate. We all have one pass to Tate.

We get all... What if you call your shot on with the puck Lucas has to do the punishment instead of you? No matter what. Yeah, I like that. I mean... I got this feeling Lucas might get antique don't Friday. Uh, yeah. Yeah, maybe. Yeah, we'll see. Uh, no duh. There's no way to know though. No No, duh. Yeah, and taking just becomes the like it's not Like if you get it, it just means you get to antique You just get the fun of throwing flour It's just always Luke and taking so classic man, it is the best

It's just always Luke and taking so classic man. It is the best Everyone antique their butt and then farted on so oh my god was incredible. It was good So I think that was the peak I feel like we could explore more stuff with the balls I feel like that's where my mind's at yeah, are they more more balls stuff? Yeah Glad you said the balls are wide open. Yeah, the balls are they're just sitting there. Yeah They got nothing to do. Yeah, we've got a blank schedule the possibilities you could always schedule your balls, yeah All right, Nick and Kate beer back tomorrow Eddie. Thank you for sitting in Hey great to be if you'd like to be here for Plinko day. You're welcome. What exactly am I getting myself into? I'd watch a couple episodes maybe.

Yeah. I always like to come in blind to you guys. All right then, come in blind to Plinko Day. We'll give you a letter, cause Kate's not gonna be here either, so we need someone else for the letter. Ah, your request, Kate. We'll give you a letter,

you have to come up with a punishment and a good thing when your letter hits. All right, I'm in. Okay, perfect. And then we can preview your doc as well. All right, let'll spin the wheel Let's spin that shit spin that wheel let's spin that shit that shit TJ fucking Stephen missing Friday He's a bad person

Steven goes on too many dates and vacations. I have no problem with the vacations. I think the dates are a problem He's a big date guy. Yeah, who celebrates their wife's birthday Are you one of those guys Steven like you see the influencer on Instagram like the most important key to marriage is you gotta date your wife Like shut the fuck up dude. So Friday Friday Friday we were driving to Pittsburgh like all day so oh that's not a date it's gonna be it what are you doing in Pittsburgh she went to pit we have friends there got it no kids kids come that sucks yeah oh man Mmm. That sucks. Yeah. Oh, man. Yeah. That's a punishment. It's going to be tough.

That's not a short drive. I know. Eight hours. You didn't want to fly? We're going to leave like crazy. I think we're leaving at 6 in the morning. Just fly your wife's friends in. How strict are you on bathroom breaks?

Just do what my dad used to do when we would have a long road trip. We would just leave at 9 PM. He would just be like, I'll suck it up and drive you guys sleep. Drive through the night while you sleep. That's what I do. Yeah. Then the kids won't bother you.

I've left at 10 PM and arrived at 6 AM many times. Yeah. And you can just go as fast as you want. You have one of those old school radar detectors. Yep. Those things rocked Beep beep. Yeah They were cool. I think they were outlawed, right? Yeah. Well, they always said that but yeah Yeah, I think they just said it. Yeah, never confirmed now google maps will just tell you. Hey, there's there's a cop up there

Yeah, there's a cop coming up. It's nice Um, all right. We'll see you for tomorrow. It's the Yak Yeah it's time to talk shop and do a Yankee swap, it's the Yak It's the Yak Have a good one y'all, see you tomorrow Opening day on the Yak, I mean on the uh, I mean uh Alright,'all see you tomorrow opening day on the yak I mean on oh, I mean I All right, we'll see you guys tomorrow Opening day on mostly sports big one play go down Friday on the yak. Love you guys see you tomorrow, but.