The Yak - Kate & Frank The Tank Go On A Date | The Yak 5-31-23

Episode Date: May 31, 2023

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Use promo code YAK15 to get 15% 15 off your order must be 21 or older to purchase please use responsibly Well, well, well, well. This certainly is awkward. A little bit, Frank. I told you dress to impress, and now I look like an idiot. Well, I thought you said dress for the Mets, you know. That's mine. That's my issue.

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Get ready for spring with Roebuck. You know, Roebuck aside, that's not the only reason this is awkward and you know it. Fair enough, but it's not my fault. The wheel is what brought us here and what the wheel decides is beyond my control. Look, so thank you for showing up on this date with me today. Please do not call it a date. I mean, come on. With our history, I mean, I was just hoping to put you in the past. I mean, let's just call it what it is. Lunch. Lunch between the acquaintances.

Nothing more. You can say that, but i don't know of all the people in the office fate bringing us back together only you and me and doogs and while we raw dog together again the three of us have been in a similar position before. Enough, Duggs. Enough. And come on, Kate. Fate? Fate? I mean, what are you kidding me? Together again? No. Don't talk that way.

Not after you broke my heart all those years ago. Oh, Frank, we both know you're the one who broke my heart. How has your mistress been doing anyway? Your precious little team, that is. I'm not doing this right now. I'm not doing this right now. You know, you know, you know, you know. They're fucking feeble!

We've got fucking Daniel Vogelbeck just standing there! The pitchers are coming over the plate! He even stands in fucking goddamn batting practice! He refuses to swing the fucking bat! I mean, it's ridiculous. I mean, I'm not an athlete. I can play better than him. He's not a designated hitter.

He's a designated watcher. And you've got fucking Adam out the league goes. First batter he faces always is a fucking walk. He can't help it. Fuck. Are you even listening to me? Frank, I'm sorry. Are you even listening to me? Why ask if you don't care what I have to say? I'm so sorry, Frank. I did drift off a little.

It's just that hearing you rant like that about the Mets reminded me of the night we first met. Huh. Yeah, I do remember that. Kind of like it was yesterday. Woo! Go Phillies! Hey, Mets, you suck! You stink! You're the worst! Embarrassment! Mm-mm, oh, my, my.

Hey, Nimmo, you stink! A cow had to die for that glove! The least you could do is use it! I'm surprised that Nimmo couldn't even find a ball. Hey, I guess that ball sure ain't finding Nimmo. Ha! That's a good one. What are you doing tonight? Have any plans? Nothing. I'm free. No? How would you like to see France?

Alright. We're going to France. France. Oh, there's your Eiffel Tower. You know so many things. I'm a world traveler, honey. Oh, baby, baby, yes, that's a take. Yeah, let's go. Oh, yes. Yes! Yes!

Oh. That was incredible. I want to paint you. Oh, what do I look like? The lighting is perfect. Wow, it's beautiful. Almost as beautiful as you. Wow, you kept that after all these years?

What can I say? I couldn't bring myself to let it go. Speaking of, do you still have the painting you made of me that night? Funny you should mention that. I do still keep it with me. Oh, wow. That's a lot of pubic hair. Well, I paint what I see.

Oh, my. Oh, I just saw our waiter. Those dudes, the food must almost be ready. Oh, he's going to get our food right now. I wonder what could possibly be for the meal. I don't know. Hopefully it's something good. Phillies play tonight. Yeah. Fucking Carlos Carrasco does what he's going to fucking win.

I mean, my God, Carlos Carrasco. I mean, my fucking God. I mean, the guy is fucking a bum. A bum. A total B-U-M bum. Sorry to hear that. Oh. Duggs. Your finest wieners from 28th and 7th Avenue.

Paired with a red sangria sognoreal. Little bubbly, little fruity. Okay. Non-alcoholic. Hmm. Not that it matters for anyone here. That's weird. Does anybody have a bottle opener?

I always carry a bottle opener with me. Wow. Thank you, Fran. So manly. So smooth. A taste. so smooth a taste mmm mmm that is sweet

tell me when when sweet like someone else I used to know That is sweet. Tell me when. When. Sweet like someone else I used to know. Let me see. Thank you. Kind of a weird taste, I would say. I would give this a...

I'd give it a 6.2. Ah, yes. The hot dog. Let's see. This hot dog looks like it was run over by a reindeer. Now, are the wieners always split in such a way? If people don't know how to cook them. Well that's fun. Yeah this is hot dog.

He right tree! Just like Lucas Duda. Mmm it's very meaty. right tree just like Lucas Duda. It's very meaty. Lucas Duda, why would I say Lucas Duda? Just like Daniel Vogelbeck just standing there and doing nothing. So it's like this hot dog. This hot dog represents Daniel Vogelbeck. It's flat, it's tasteless, it's split, and it's just sitting there doing nothing. Your first course is a plain hot dog with sangria soda. Of course, I'd normally recommend a high noon.

Oh. That sounds delicious. I remember my high noon days. Remind me again, dudes. Well, if you are a tequila lover who is never satisfied with malt hard seltzer offerings, you are going to love the new High Noon Tequila Seltzer. Premium hard seltzer made with real tequila and real juice.

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Look for them now on Drizzly or at your local convenience store or liquor store, or visit highnoonspirits.com to find it near you. Wow. I wish I had one of those because this is really rough to drink. Yeah, it's you. Wow. I wish I had one of those, because this is really rough to drink. Yeah, it's not very good. Not very good. Anyway, this hot dog is delicious.

The only thing that would make it better is a little mood music as we wait for the next course. Well, for all the grumbling I did here, I did arrange a little music. Oh. What could it be? Meet the Mets, meet the Mets. Step on up and greet the Mets.

Bring your kitties, bring your wife. Guaranteed to have the time of your life because the New York Mets are rocking the ball. Knocking those home runs over the wall. East side, west side, everybody's coming down to meet the M-E-T-S Mets of New York Town. Oh, the butcher and the baker and the people on the streets Where do they go to meet the Mets? Oh, they're hollering and cheering and they're jumping in their seats Where do they go to meet the Mets? All the fans are true to the orange and blue

So hurry up and come on down Because we got ourselves a ball club The Mets of New Yorktown give me yell give me hey and let them know you're rooting in the stands come on and meet the Mets greet the Mets come on out and greet the Mets bring your kitties bring your wife guaranteed at the time of your life yes Yes, the Mets are really socking the ball, knocking the home runs over the wall. East side, west side, everybody's coming down to meet the M-E-T-S Mets of New York Town. Oh yeah, I love the Mets more than Kate.

Oh. Wow, thank you, Frank. That was really beautiful and really thoughtful. You have such a beautiful voice. Yeah, I kind of really enjoyed that too. Especially the part about the Mets. Not so fast. Not so fast, I said.

Course number two, it's on its way. Oh. Seems like our waiter is having a little trouble lately. Making things take a really long time. I think he works for New Jersey Transit on the side. Frank. He's what the French call les incompetents. Looks like he got a little derailed.

When he shattered all the bones in his foot. Oh, boy. That's tough. It'd be really crappy if someone made him come all the way into New York City for such a thing. Yes, it would. Yes, it would. I mean, he's probably supposed to be on bed rest and anything. Sure.

But the wheel, the wheel is the boss. The wheel is the boss. The wheel is the boss. And the wheel and the yak keeps on churning, causing things to get fucked up. The wheel and the yak keeps on churning. We don't know what it's going to do next. Oh, I wonder what this course could be. I'm so hungry. I'm glad that this is going really quickly. And that we don't have to wait.

Now that speed was provided by the hot dog service on 28th and 6th Avenue. Oh. 28th and 6th Avenue. Thank you. Oh, let's see. Oh, is it more hot dogs? Yes, indeed. Oh, wow, thank you.

No condiments or anything huh just raw dogging I think we might need another cup another drink I think we might need another glass I'll go get that right now oh good take your time we have a lot to say to each other and everything is fine

yes indeed you would think if you bring another bottle out there you would bring new cups, but apparently that doesn't seem to be a concept that this waiter seems to grasp. You know, do you see that when you work at New Jersey Transit, you can't grasp anything, of course with New Jersey Transit letting go of everyone you have to find jobs as waiters now. I could listen to you talk all day.

That indeed. That indeed. Did you know waiters in New York City make millions of dollars? I hear that. At LaBernadine specifically. Now this next drink... This next drink...

is so fine... that it needs to be opened by another Frank Bottle opener. Ah, yes, indeed. And this is called the Sigril Moundé. Moundé? Yeah, Moundé. And the thing that's Sigil Moundé. Moundé. Yeah, Moundé.

And the thing that's special about this bottle is it's 140 calories. It has this little bit of an apple taste to it, kind of like an apple juice or an apple cider. I believe this is authentically imported. That's correct. It is authentically imported. Yes, it is. Yes, it is. Yes, indeed.

I believe it comes somewhere from the south of America. It's almost like someone bought all these drinks at the last minute at a Mexican bodega in their town. Now, please enjoy your raw dog and citron Monday. Thank you, Dukes. It kind of tastes a little bit like apple juice. Not bad. That's funny because that's what the Mets symbol is on apple. Is it? I don't know. Well, it's their home run symbol. What's your review on it?

Well, I'll check out this hot dog. For the soda, I'd say it's actually a decent soda. I'll give it a 7.1. As for the hot dog, slightly better than the first one. A little more taste to it. Doesn't taste like it was run over by a reindeer. I think I'm going gonna give it a single. Wow.

Great review. I have a little something for us to do as well. In case we didn't have much to say to each other anymore, I asked Brandon Walker to write up several questions, like a dating game, to see how much you really know me after all these years. I don't know the questions yet. He made them up. So this should be a fun bonding activity for us again.

All right, sounds fine to me. It's the Kating Game, where I'll be asking Frank the Tank questions about his former lover, Kate, to see how he really knows her. First up, Frank. Which branch of military did Kate serve in? She was a Marine. Correct. Next question.

What is her go-to hangover order from Wawa? Jeez, what was it? Cheese steak. No, think again, from Wawa. Jeez, what was it? Cheesesteak. No, think again, Frank. I know you know me better than that. Oh, wait a second, that's my order.

Yeah, chicken salad, shorty honey, hoagie with honey, mustard oil, vinegar. I don't understand how you can take all that fucking vinegar and those fucking pickles. Hot peppers, bacon, plus a Wawa iced tea. Wawa iced tea, that's decent. That's solid. I like that iced tea. I always get like a nice half gallon of that all the time.

And a large bag of Old Bay cheese curls and three peanut butter tasty cakes. And a coffee flavored milk shake. You remembered. Wow. Correct, Frank. Next question. Where did Kate initially attend college before she dropped out after sleeping with half the guys on the rugby team and developing a nose beers problem? Indiana University of Pennsylvania. That is correct. Next question. What is the design of Kate's gross lower back tattoo that she got over top a summer weird birthmark?

Celtic chamrock. It says Davers, right? You're on fire, Frank. Next question. What is her favorite brand of yeast infection medication? That's that one. You know, that little pod goes up there. Not the messy cream, but you know, whatever. It's on sale. Correct.

Next question. Why is Kate on the yak? Well, you know, Owen left, they were desperate for a quick fill-in, and they felt too bad asking her to leave because she's a girl. Wow. Correct! You are incredible! You're six for six! You know, I know that Brandon tried to burn me with those questions, but the joke's really on Brandon Walker. Because all he really did is show me that even after all these years and everything we've been through, nobody knows me like you do, Frank. Nobody. I miss you. Frank, I miss you Frank I miss you too

Wow Wow You know It doesn't matter though Does it? How? You know, it doesn't matter, though, does it? Our lives are too complicated now. Your boyfriend, a son, moving to Chicago. And you, and your Dugs, and all your groupies at Citi Field, and the kava joint you manage in Jacksonville, Florida. There's no way we could...

Could you guys stop talking for a second? We have course number three on its way. It'll be back in a jiffy. Okay. Oh, gosh. We were really getting somewhere. That's more than I can say for dudes over here. It's true. Frank, you're so witty. I mean, the wheel is cruel. The wheel is cruel, having him actually have to do this while his leg is literally a jigsaw puzzle.

The wheel's not the only thing that's cruel, Frank. Yeah, well. When you've had your heart ripped out as many times as I have, it becomes a cold, dark place. Kind of like the fucking goddamn, motherfucking goddamn fucking Mets every fucking day. You know, always teasing. Never fucking pleasing. Yes, indeed.

How's the family been doing? Eh, what family? That's right. They all died in that New Jersey transit accident. I'm sorry. Yeah, the fucking goddamn conductor was sleeping. And went right into that wall.

Oh. Now this is the most special course today because this is something brand new on our menu. This is a hot dog from 28th and 5th Avenue. Not to be mistaken with the hot dog place on 28th and 6th and 28th and 7th. You know, Fifth Avenue, that's always been a more high-class neighborhood. I see it has some fries with it. Now, this pairs wonderfully with our super popular Doritos. Not to be mistaken with Doritos.

Oh, it's... It has a J. Well, that's actually Mexican. I think that's Doritos. Yes, it's... It has a J. Well, that's actually Mexican. I think that's Jarritos. Yes, and it's very popular in Mexico. So worldly, Frank. He's so worldly, isn't he? He knows so much.

And now this one also needs to be opened up by Frank. Bottle. Yes, indeed. Yes, indeed. This is tangerine. Tangerine. Tangerine. Tangerine. And what's cool about these glasses is you cannot put them down until you finish them.

Oh, that's so great. Who's the moron that designed these glasses? Must be Mickey. You know, Mickey Calloway, he can't manage anymore, so he's now designing wine glasses. I was literally just going to say that, Frank. Good smell to it. Mmm. You know, they said necessity is the mother of invention.

Right. Now it fits in the bottle. What can't you do? Ah, let's see this hot dog. Anyone want to fit down here to buy this or a sucker? Strike out. Another great review. But back to us, Frank.

I want to talk about us. You'd think it really is too late hearing everything that's different with our lives now. But there is something extremely important I need to talk to you about. Something that could change everything. What? What could it be? Well, it's no secret. Everyone knows that you don't use condom mints when you raw dog. Yeah? Well, what are you trying to say?

That night back in December when they signed Verlander and you were flipping out. Ring a bell? No. No. I blacked out. I don't even know what I was doing that night. What are you trying to get at? You texted me saying that you really needed a friend and didn't want to be alone. And if he could have a Kate, so could you. I don't remember this.

Where are you trying to go at this? Frank, you really don't recall? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What? What the hell? This cannot be happening. This is worse than Game 7 in the 1973 World Series when fucking Yogi Berra fucked up the pitching rotation

and the Mets lost to the goddamn fucking Oakland Ass. Oh, no, I'm getting a phone call. Let's see who it's from. I'm almost afraid to answer this one. Hey. What the fuck? You know this is a live show, right? Yes.

So I'm sitting here finding out live that you cheated on me. Well, I... You said you were at the gym that night. I knew that was a lie. Well, technically I was lifting some weight. Hey, Frank. You gonna be there a while? Good.

Because I'm about to come down there and whip your ass, beef style. I'm out. He does not have... Pat, no. He does not have anything to do with that. I want nothing to do with your baby. I'm sorry, please, I'm begging you. No, I am done with you. I hope now's not a bad time, but course number four is being prepared. I'll be back in just a bit.

Any plans for the game tonight? Misery, suffering, pain. Carlos Carrasco's pitching. You know, his nickname is Cookie. I used to call him Danish Cookie. He's not even that anymore. He's more like the fucking cookie you find at the bottom of a goddamn fucking dumpster that was thrown out, that was brought at a fucking dollar store. I mean, he fucking sucks. And then you're going to have Daniel Vogelbeck in the goddamn motherfucking lineup,

and Daniel Vogelbeck, fuck, I mean, Daniel Vogelbeck, I mean, seriously, he is a fat motherfucker, a fat piece of shit. He can't hit. I mean, he literally just stands there. I mean, a designated hitter, they should call him a designated watcher. I mean, he's the only major league baseball player I look at and I say, gee, I can do that. And then you've got fucking motherfucker, probably Tomas Nito's going to start soon, even though Francisco Alvarez is hot as blazes and Tomas Nito is gonna start soon even though Francisco Alvarez is hot as blazes and Tomas Nito his GPS is like 110. Wow this is great service Dukes.

Now Frank, we know how much you love the hot dogs at City Field. I think, I hope, okay. We went all the way to Citi Field for this dog. Wow. No, wait. Make sure he gets this one. You are right. Thank you, Dukes.

Ooh, a special dog. It just looks bigger and meatier. With the pairing of this, we have a multigoya. Yeah, I might as well just grab the thing now. Yes, you ain't opening that one. And to put it simply, this soda is dog shit. That it is, Dukes. That it is.

Yeah. I mean, the Dorito, the jar. I'm going to take some more Doritos because that's actually a little bit better. But this is just disgusting. Oh, tarmin. I thought that was tangerine there for a second before. Misread it. What is this, beans?

Ah, no. The smell is just sketchy. This soda is like a 1.2. I've had it before. It is disgusting. It is disgusting. It is gross. You know, it almost tastes as bitter as how you feel for me. Yeah, well. This probably will be our last meal together.

You've earned it. Well, let's see this hot dog. Are you enjoying that hot dog, Frank? As a matter of fact, I am. Good. Good. Take another bite. I want you to enjoy it. And you know what? Don't worry about the two of us. We'll be fine.

In fact, I want you to live a long, happy, healthy life without us. Something doesn't feel right. It would be a real shame if something was wrong with that hot dog. No! No! You didn't! Oh, but I did, you selfish son of a bitch.

She laced your dog! I didn't know, I swear! I just found this! Hummus! In the hot dog box! No! Oh I swear I just found this! Hummus! In the hotdog box! Oh, that's right, Frank. Now you fucking die. I enjoyed it. And I bet they're having a terrible time at LaBerna Den. These hot dogs were great. Frank, do we have anything else to talk about? Whoever made these hot dogs, don't split the fucking dog.

You kill the dog or you split the dog all the juices all these rich christmas all the credit the snap goes out these dogs were fucking incompetent and for the record we did have an affair but we are totally cool with each other ah you guys thought i forgot the wheel you idiots jokes on you i didn't i didn't forget the wheel. Let's do that wheel. And I guess for whoever, well, we'll get there when we get there to see who's on the wheel today. Let's give it a little bit of a spin. Personally, I'm hoping for Carbone. God fucking dammit. This is a joke. This is a joke, right?

Okay, that's fine. Wet wheel. Everyone else has left the room? I don't know if we can put Frank on the wet wheel. We're not going to put Frank on the wet wheel. Put my name twice. Can I put Corey on the wet wheel? Our producer today, by the way, Corey Rutledge,

a.k.a. Corey Smutledge, was an absolute delight, but he's on the wet wheel. And so is this, what did Dave call you? Clown. So is this clown who made the mistake of walking into the room to require, come on over. Come on over here. Hop on the yak today. That means now you're officially on. So that means you're on the wet wheel. Stanko, are you on the wet wheel? Stanko is on the wet wheel. He's game for the wet wheel, folks. Okay. So I guess it's just the...

Fuck it. Spin it. Four of us. Give it a spin. No. We're mercifully leaving frank off the wet wheel oh dudes yeah oh yeah he can't get his leg wet shit okay um by the way i am wearing shorts under this creeps i was kidding what happened we gotta the wet wheel. Well, the wheel landed on wet. Okay. And so. I do it. I'm leaving in like 30 minutes to go to the airport, so yeah, why not? No.

By the way, pop your head over here really quick just to say hello. Wait, are we only on the wet? And that means you're officially on the wet wheel now. Sorry. Oh, shouldn't have done that. Shouldn't have come over here. Go get wet. Okay. No, you don't have,. Shouldn't have done that. Shouldn't have come over here. Go get what? Okay.

No, it didn't pick you yet. Oh. So we'll see. Let's give it a spin. Yeah, the show ended and you were kind enough to remind me that we didn't do the wheel. Okay. Here we go. Wait.

Oh, no. Is it you? Well, no. Wait. We do elimination. It's elimination. Oh, no! Is it you? Well, no, wait, we do elimination. It's elimination. Oh, goddammit. I'm good. I'm good. Okay, alright. Carry on. Oh, good, this brings us right to one o'clock. This is an experimental episode.

Again, thank you to the whole crew. Yeah! One of me is off. There's always game for these ideas. All right, Stanko, Corey, and myself. I'm the only one who deserves it. Good. There you go. Off to the airport.

Going to the airport. Thanks a lot. That was fun. Thank you. Uh-huh. Okay. going to the airport thanks a lot that was fun thank you uh huh okay and if anyone would like a hot dog come on down to the yak

because we've got plenty of them so it's me right well no because you need to get four right oh

yeah let's do class of seven let's do that I'm up 1-0. You want your name to be picked. I do want my name to be picked. Yes. Okay.

What else is going on? All the guys are at LaBernadine. They looked so nice when they were heading out the door everybody was getting in the car as i arrived here with all this stuff except for little sass who showed up here at the office like 15 minutes after they all left and had bought a really bad pair of loafers one one to wear and he wasn't sure if he could wear the loafers what were they called the brand of his loafers? They were called, like, Yes Daddies or something weird like that. They're a very weird pair of, like, Hey Dudes or something like that.

I don't know. But everyone looked very handsome. Everybody looked very nice. Bet they're eating a ton of bread. Actually. Let's see. Oh, also, I've just been notified the Frank the Tank painting t-shirts

t-shirts with Frank the Tank on them are now live on the Barstool store and Chels, Chilling with Chels gets a cut of the proceeds from the artwork so if you buy Frank the Tank in bed, I guess she's claiming she painted it now. Oh, my God.

Oh, it's beautiful. It's absolutely beautiful. This is now for sale in the Barstool store. Chillin' with Chells, the artist. It won't be wrinkly like this. It'll be nice and smooth. But Chillin' with Chells gets a cut of the proceeds from this. Support your local artists.

Support your local Frank the Danks. And you'll get so many great questions. This shirt is a perfect icebreaker. I have to say I'll be wearing mine all summer. Cut the sleeves off. This is a good lawnmower shirt. You know? Am I the one who's getting wet?

No, it's 2-1 currently. You're winning. 2-1. Okay. Okay. Stanko? Uh-oh. All right Alright 2-2 Here we go

Oh I think Nick and KB are off to shoot their Monkey Boy documentary later today Okay, 3-2 Shit Alright, That's totally fine. I set the mood a little bit

before we potentially have to... Yep. If it winds up on me, I'm just gonna go in there just like this. Alright. 3-2. Me. Okay. Let's see how it goes Of course this is going to game seven It's not going to feel so bad if it's you

Celtics just blew it in game seven I think I might just win Yeah, the Celtics thing But hey, you had Taylor Swift I did have Taylor Swift You'll always have Taylor Swift Alright, game seven, you ready, Kate? Yes, here we go Taylor Swift. I did have Taylor Swift. You'll always have Taylor Swift. Alright, game seven. You ready, Kate?

Yes, here we go. Here we go. Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Stanko, that sucks to be you! Oh, this is a good show. I really enjoyed this. Delightful.

Oh, Stanko. All these guys had to run around and get all this shit ready for this dumb idea. And now he's getting wet. So, there's that. There he goes. Wow, he's not changing or anything. He's going straight in. It's the man that turned down $20 million

saying he'd rather do that. He'd rather go to the Taylor Swift concert than have $20 million. So there you have it. Oh. Not that it matters or anything. But just a friendly reminder to everyone. And not that I care, because I don't care at all.

Someone's birthday is coming up this weekend. Mine. On the 3rd. Stanko! Anything for the yak. 10x. 10x. He's wet, folks. he's wet folks he's wet

thank you and thank you to everybody who tuned in today yakers you're the best this is a delight and we'll see you tomorrow