The Yak - Kate Steals the Show With Her Debut Country Song | The Yak 8-26-22

Episode Date: August 26, 2022

It's a sad day, it's a bad dayYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Friday, yeah. Fuck yes, Kate. This song gets me going every time. It really does. I sit here bopping each time. Is this good or because of what it means?

Because of what it means. What it means. What it signifies. Yeah. There's so many. We're about to start a good time. It's like a fucking TV show theme song. Yeah.

Except for this is a YouTube show, not a TV show. Exactly. Hey, how come you're dressed so country? I am dressed a little bit country today. Wow. I am dressed a little bit. It just feels good to be dressed this way. I love being able to walk around the office when you have an idea.

It'll be in six different piles, but you can always find what you need here. Yeah, it is like a costume closet that like whatever type of shit, whether it's on Big Cat's pile, some of the various piles. Tommy even has like kind of his own pile on his desk. I will say PFT's pile has started to get out of control again. Yeah. It morphs. It takes over all the desk around it. It needs to be shot.

Like we need to empty a clip into his pile. Because you're right next to him and you're very tidy. You have two little bonsai trees and there's nothing on yours. And then you look over to his and it's like... I'm trying to be more tidy. I want to have a clean desk. I want to start a trend of having clean desks. But I don't know if it'll take.

It's kind of the main reason. That was going to be my main thing I did today was clean my desk. really want to clean my desk for the fall i haven't washed any of my i haven't washed any of my advisor's suits or dress shirts in five years since i've been using them i feel like maybe it could have held on to that one they're due for a trip to the dry cleaners i mean i only wear it once a week for like four months dry cleaner is so stinking expensive though you'll take like a couple suits to the dry cleaner and I guarantee that shit will cost like 200 plus. It's that Mitch Hedberg joke.

I can make it expensive. I'm sure it's dry clean only, which means it's dirty. I don't take it. Yeah. That's it. Damn, that's a good ass joke because that is super true.

I am not about to dry clean shit as much as it needs. I just throw it in the laundry. It shrinks down. You know all the bridesmaid dresses they're like they're like i spent like 350 400 bucks on some of the weddings i was in and afterwards all my girlfriends go and take them to get dry cleaned and stuff so they keep i know mine are covered in garbage no you never wear them again so why mine are covered in all all the stains and all the things that happen after a while. Do you ever wear them? Are they ever?

Or do you just wear them dirty? I just wear them. Well, you never wear them again is the thing. So what's the point in getting them cleaned if you never wear them again? It is a specific look. Have you ever been horrified by a bridesmaid dress that you had to wear? Couple. Really?

Yeah. Name, name. Name. Colleen, yours is fine. Yeah, right, dude. Colleen's definitely was some pink fucking shoulder frill That was wild Yeah

That's a tough look But at someone's wedding you just have to wear what they tell you to wear It's true I got a couple weddings coming up in the fall I'm very excited I'm a best man Are you? Are you already working on the speech?

People probably see what you do and expect a lot from you. I know. It's a nightmare. Like the bride, the groom, they're like, oh, yeah, every time I say you're the best man, people are like, oh, his speech is going to be so funny. But it's not going to be that funny. Nick Ghost writes best man speeches. I think what my strategy is going to be is everybody expects it to be funny, and I just go really emotional.

I really tug at the heartstrings. Not a single joke in the entire speech, and I leave people weeping in emotional tears. Your speeches, they're normally just about 9-11, right? Yes, usually they're only about 9-11, my speeches. And I think that would get some tears. It's your talent. You can bring anything back to 9-11. 9-11. Six degrees of 9-11 is Tommy's thing. If you're trying to throw some things at you to try and bring back to 9-11. 9-11. Six degrees of 9-11 is Tommy's thing.

If you're trying to throw some things at you to try and bring back to 9-11. Yeah, that's true. Give it your all. September 10th. One day before 9-11. He's good. That was when George Carlin recorded his special titled, I Like It When A Lot Of People Die. Right.

Which was never put out. Right. Makes sense. 9-11 happened the next day. Why didn't he just change the name of it? I think the whole thing was about him liking

when a lot of people die. Should have just changed to I don't like it when a lot of people die. Mean girls dropping the not mean. Or Facebook dropping the the.

I don't like you making it all serious though. I don't think that that's the way but I think starting off by being like everyone expects us to be funny

it's not going to be funny it's not gonna be funny I think gotta be so easy to make a laugh doing a speech like that the bar is so low for that shit yeah

cause normally they are well I'm sass I do stand up no but it's like what are the people getting married you're like and these two

I mean seriously and then the whole crowd is like we know exactly what you're talking about. I think I'm going to line something up. He's notoriously late. He comes from a late family.

Yeah. She's surprised he showed up on time. She's made him better in every way, except for the lateness or something. Yeah. And then everyone would go nuts. The crowd goes fucking wild. I think I'll keep it to like 15, 20 minutes.

Yeah, easy. What? I'm kidding. Hey, how long are they supposed to be? That's another good joke at the front. Three minutes. Yeah, I was thinking. So I saw someone do this where I was reading up like, all right, I'll keep this short.

And then you drop like a ginormous scroll to the ground. But I'm not bringing props. I'm not going to. No, I would be lame. I think I'll be like, all right, I'm going to be in and out. You know, we'll keep this to 20, 25 minutes. I think it's a good little start. But will they get it?

Will they realize that's sarcastic? I don't know. Do they have to write a speech? I feel like it'd be so easy to just go up there and make some shit up. No, you shouldn't be. Do you feel like that would be easy, Sass? I do. Stand up comedian.

No, I just get his ass. You never tell. You just don't write jokes before you go up there. It's a best man speech. Is that what you're doing? Yeah. Dude, that would be so easy. Give a best man speech for Roan right now.

Yeah. They'd be like, yeah, I mean, Roan's, I mean, this is great. Boo. Boo. No. Surprised he showed up on time. I mean, what's up with this guy? Had to set his clock backwards.

This is why you write a speech. Yeah. It wasn't a best man speech, but it was a speech at a rehearsal dinner when kind of everybody gets up and gives a speech and I kind of like,

I kind of bombed one. Really? Because of saying something inappropriate. What did you say? I like... Something about 9-11? 9-11. I wish I had based off what I said you say? I like, Something about 9-11. 9-11.

I wish I had, based off what I said. And it was like, I had just learned this phrase, like this Irish phrase, the crack. And it's spelled C-R-A-I-C. Yeah.

The crack. You've heard of it? It's what's good. Yeah. It's like what's good, or like good times, or like spending good times with your friends, or like laughing with other

people the yak is the crack it's the crack it's like that's good crack like that area that that time period those people like that's good crack like whatever's going on that's good crack and like uh and i was like when i look at like this couple mike and erica like i see how they live their lives and it's like they're addicted to the crack or whatever and the whole whole family just, like, didn't think of it as a joke at all. They're like, are you saying they're addicted to crack? They didn't really put it together. It was a fucking, it was a tough look. But I rebounded a little bit.

I brought it back from that. Have you ever had a regular best man speech? No. Wow. Never been a best man. Yikes. Do you think that that's just that? I have to look inward.

Do you think that happens to a lot of people? Do inward. Do you think that happens to a lot of people? They just become best mans for a bunch of people? Or do you think just one? I got this one. I got another friend on lock. So I'm probably looking at two pretty solid ones. Two best man speeches? Yeah.

Damn, dude. That's fucking... How old are your friends? Same age. Well, he's 26, and my other friend's not getting married yet but when he gets married I will be his best man not an official ask

but we've had that deal since like pre-k kinda cute okay he'll probably betray your ass I hope not hope so he doesn't have a brother

that's I don't I never become friends with a guy who has a brother because then they'll be his best man exactly that's what

I mean I didn't have a brother that was my problem I don't have baked in best man I don't know you're making me self-conscious about it I a brother. That was my problem. I don't have a baked in best man. I don't know. You're making me self-conscious about it. I know. I've never been a made of honor.

Have you been a best woman? Nope. Never been a best woman. I've been a bridesmaid a ton of times. Always a bridesmaid. Never a made of honor. It's terrible. That's the saying.

Damn, dude, I really should be fucking, I guess I'm. You should be more self-conscious. Yeah, I am. I am now.

I'd never thought of it like that. I did get asked to officiate my cousin, my cousin lisa's brother when he was getting married he asked me to officiate his wedding that's kind of badass and it was like a few months before covet hit and they asked me with this big they got me like all these like wawa gifts and they like made it a big thing and my plan was to dress almost like like i have i was gonna get like a suit with like a cape and i was gonna have doves fly out of my sleeves at some point and like i was gonna get like a suit with like a cape and i was gonna have doves fly out of my sleeves at some point and like i was gonna go like big and make it a whole because they're having like you're gonna have live doves in your sleeves and then i was gonna be like uh don't

worry i'm not gonna do anything crazy and then and then i was gonna have doves um and then i never got to do it because covet hit and everything got canceled and changed but the fucking dove regulations changed the way flus are. And the fucking Dove regulations changed. And then the Dove regulations. The way flus are flying around. The fucking bird law changed. People at Big Dove are not pulling their weight down in D.C. I know.

That is bullshit. A lot of the Dove lobbyists. I don't appreciate it at all. It kind of ruined your plans for an extravagant wedding. It really did. Sounds like it would have been fucking sweet. Damn, dude. Lisa's cousin? Lisa's brother. Lisa's brother. Yeah. Screw that up like it would have been fucking sweet. Damn, dude. Lisa's cousin?

Lisa's brother. Lisa's brother. Yeah. Screw that up. You guys know Lisa, right? Of course. All of you? Yeah.

Okay. Lisa. Emily. Got it. And all the O'Hara, those girls from O'Hara. Of course. You know, she's Prendy. Was she Prendy?

Prendy. Oh, I thought they were O'Hara. Oh. What a fucking idiot I am. I didn't want to say anything. That's fucking embarrassing. What parish are they? Oh, St. Bernadette's.

Bernice? St. Dover at Bernice. Damn, dude. That shit's crazy. That shit doesn't make any sense. No. Wait, Kate, you do have a reason you're dressed as a cowboy, though, right? I do.

I do. Did everyone see Jersey Jerry's tweet? Can we talk about Jersey Jerry? I didn't watch it. I saw everyone was talking about it, though. Can we watch the clip on here? Is that possible to pull that shit up? Yeah, can we pull that?

Because I saw it, but I didn't get a chance to click on it. Yeah. And let me preface earlier. A God Bless You show, I guess? No. Oh, not really. A little bit more agnostic than anything. And this hits close to home.

Earlier in the week, I flew knoxville back to new york alone with the baby and when i got him out of the car seat i was like why is he so wet oh um diarrhea had come out the bottom of his pants the top of his pants and was now all over me i was covered in diarrhea i then proceeded to lock us out of our apartment it's a long stupid story um but long story short i got us locked out of our apartment covered in diarrhea my son and i that's you can see the picture on my twitter of how much diarrhea there was so then i had to wait in our lobby which has people coming in and out and we stunk we were covered in diarrhea and pat was still in knoxville and it was like the worst thing ever so i know how it feels to be covered in diarrhea, and a lot of people see you.

So this hit especially close to home to me. At least you had the excuse of a baby, though. I did, but this, I tell you. I haven't watched it. I don't know what I'm about to watch. So I just got done my own diarrhea thing. I was not prepared for the way this ended. My story is nothing compared.

All right, Jersey Jerry here. This is a sad day. It's a bad day. This has never happened before. And I'm man enough to share it. I don't... I'm man enough. I'm man enough to share it.

I don't even know how to say this. I shit myself on the train coming home. I shit myself on the train coming home. I shit myself on the train coming home. I had a haircut appointment at 6. 6? There's shit everywhere. In the morning? There's shit everywhere.

You're not prepared for this, then. I shit myself on the train. I was walking away. People were looking at me. I'm sure they smelt it. I'm sure they seen the yellow i'm sure they've seen the yellow stains on my on my cream colored shorts uh this is a sad day it's a bad day uh i just showered up i don't know what to do with the with this stuff though

this is a catastrophe oh my god it looks like a catastrophe. Oh my god. It looks like a Rojark. Like, you know, when the psychiatrist is like, what is this? But it's shit. That is hilarious. Oh my god, dude. Yeah. Tears in my eyes.

What the fuck, dude? Jesus Christ. And it's going viral. It's already at over half a million views that people have seen this shit. Shitpan content gets the people going time and time again. That is funny. I had tears in my eyes watching that this morning because I just wasn't my jaw. You know when things genuinely make your jaw drop when he revealed the amount of shit on his cream colored pants my jaw dropped.

His cream colored pants on the train and other people seeing it. Dude, that's so bad and so funny and also like an absolute nightmare scenario yeah so i i wrote a country song about it wow i did what the fuck and this could be a lot of l's in the chat i don't know this could be cringe you guys can stop me at any time you just start throwing tomatoes if you're gonna this that's someone who I'm not going to be, is someone who sees someone putting in extra effort to do something creative and have some kind of, especially a prejudgment of it, fuck no. That's definitely not who I'm about to be. Not around these parts.

Not around here. Our girl. I felt inspired and immediately, I don't know why I went country, but I prefer it, I guess. I don't know. I asked if we had a guitarist in building, but we don't. PFT's on vacation. PFT's on vacation. PFT's on vacation.

Where's Nick Hamilton? He's also away right now. That's our only two boys who know anything about a six string. Oh, thank you. New Jersey transit train going down the tracks, but my train of thought is on the poopy in my slacks. Transcription by CastingWords It's a green apple splatters, nothing matters. Damn, there's a man enough to share. Walking away, people stared as they stopped. They smelled it, then I dealt it, and their jaws all dropped.

Yellow stains on cream-colored shorts. Toilet jelly in my britches, wish that I could teleport. It's a sad day, it's a bad day. It's a sad day. It's a bad day. It's a sad day. It's a bad day. It was always loose-toothed goofing. It was never just a fart. Sad day, bad day.

I had a sharp catastrophe times ten. To the tenth degree, I'm making it up now. At least I'm man enough to share. At least you're man enough to share. At least you're man enough to share. Perfect ending. At least she's man enough to share. Yeehaw! I don't know.

I felt the wheels fell off at the end there, but I just felt... Had you heard that background track before? No, I panicked. Sorry, I panicked. Wait, that sounded great. No, I'm saying, yeah. Even the pacing of the...

Like, when you came into the second verse and, like, the music kind of dropped out a little bit, that was a good instinct by you. You have a real talent for writing country songs about people shitting their pants. Thank you. I feel like it could be a subgenre. Oh, yeah.

Poop country. Yeah, poop country. Welcome to 104.7, poop country. Look at the Ws. Yeah. Oh, God. Good axe, good axe. Oh, get the fucking doves.

We're stacking doves, dude. Can I say one more thing? No. I was wearing the cowboy hat earlier, and I was thinking about 9-11. No, I... Just seeing the rim, how good must it feel to be a real motherfucking cowboy

and be able to give one of these genuinely? You know what I mean? To a ma'am or to another cowboy? Yeah, to a woman. You're on your horse and you see her driving by on a convertible and you're like, my. What about even pre-convertible days where a ma'am who's a shopkeeper or something like that?

Ma'am. Ma'am or some shit like that? It's so good to be a real cow oh definitely be a tip tip the hat guy yeah i think being a cowboy is a lost art i feel like we don't have too many cowboys nowadays which makes them even hotter yeah oh they get there out there when we were out in waco really cowboys oh yeah oh yeah everyone was wearing fucking what is the definition like what does it take to be a cowboy? You just have to look like a cowboy?

Yeah. I think a lot of cowboys these days are Mexican. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I think a lot of the Mexican bros, the caballeros. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they're cowboys. But I think you need to have, you need to be able to ride a horse.

You need to have fucking pretty hard hands. You probably need to have, like, pounded in a fence post or some shit at some type of time. Yep. I think you need to have done some hard living. I think you need to be able to do a lasso. Work a lasso, probably. Lasso seems hard as fuck, dude. I've never been able to. No one said being a cowboy is easy.

Damn straight. Sounds like a Kate song. That's true. Then he just shits all over. Then he just poops all over the place. He just explosively diarrhea's. This is my new song, Poopy Cowboy. Poopy Cowboy. Damn, dude yeah i think that that shit has legs what inspired you to uh to write that song you just had it bubbling in your soul i always like so i grew up weird al huge weird al lady really and then i grew up in a family that like if somebody retired or it was their birthday or

whatever like you wrote a weird al type song for them. Like every family wedding we do at some point, the reception gets stopped and all the cousins run out and we sing a song we made up for them. So like, yeah, that's a fun tradition. It is. It is really fun.

We remake the words of like popular songs or Irish songs or whatever. Mine was, what was it? Wild Rover. It was my wedding. Like Kate won't be the wild Rover anymore. I got, again, I got divorced. So I was again, and I was my wedding. Like, Kate won't be the Wild Rover anymore. I got, again, I got divorced.

So I was again, and I was slotting it up. Oh, never no more. Yeah, yeah. That's some Irish shit. It is, yeah. That's super Irish. Yeah. What was the song at your cousin Lisa's brother's wedding supposed to be?

I don't know because I wasn't there because I had the baby two days before. Oh, really? I missed the whole thing. COVID hit, their wedding got done, and then I had the baby. I missed the whole wedding. I know. It was selfish. I have like 15 dead doves in my closet. You didn't even eat them? You couldn't even eat them? Or when they died of old age?

You can't eat doves. Yes, you can. No, they don't taste good. You're eating a dove? Brother. Yeah, Za. Brother. Talk to this man.

Za, sit him down, Za. Dove, tasty. Is it? Is it really? Yeah, I love it, man. I love it. We fry it up, throw some salt on it. It's good.

You know there's doves in New York City? He's like jungle to jungle. He's got the blow dart up on the... I'm eating the free range, not this fucking crazy shit that's over here. There's pigeons, but there are doves, dude. There'll be doves. They'll sit on my window sill.

It's like a biblical sign. Dove racing is huge here. Dove racing? Like the dove racing people? People can control doves to make them race? You wouldn't believe the shit you can make doves do. I went down a rabbit hole on this. Oh. You wouldn't believe.

That's super problematic. You wouldn't believe. They will. They unhinge their jaw. Yeah. Damn, wait. This is my new song, Anal Dove. I'm putting a dove up.

Let there be dove. Yeah what uh wait but what did you see these doves doing where'd you where'd you learn about these oh my god dove racing i have to look it up now but i went down just i mean tell me did you know the owls are the slowest slowest birds i didn't know it but it doesn't surprise me oh yeah how about hippos being there or what about penguins? They may. You know how like horses cost like $20 million for a horse that wins the Kentucky Derby. So when it goes out to stud and whatever.

Yes. Some of these pigeons go for like tons of fucking money. Pigeon racing. Oh, it's pigeons, not doves, my bad. Oh, no, there is dove racing. All right. It's a big thing. No way.

Mike Tyson has pigeons. Does he really? He gave one to my grandpa or offered one to my grandpa. And my grandpa lives in an apartment in Queens, so could not accept it. But couldn't he have just kept it at the coop? It's not like he would have had to bring it home with him. He wanted to hand it to him. He was like, here you go.

Here's a pigeon. Damn. I would have just taken it and been like, all right, but you look after this. Right. I had like a real life pigeon lady next to my building. I could see from my window, she had like her window open and she would just have pigeons fly into her apartment. Really disgusting. That's insane.

You can't regulate where they poop, dude. If you could diaper up these pigeons, it might be a cool existence. But the fact that her apartment is definitely like white splatter. Also like New York City pigeons. Don't they like carry diseases and stuff? Sure. I don't think she lives there anymore. Also like New York City pigeons. Don't they like carry diseases and stuff? Sure. I don't think she lives there anymore. She probably died from pigeon diseases. Yeah.

Or she got over the habit. Pigeon fever is bad. Oh, yeah. So listen, they, and I was wrong. It's pigeons, not doves. But isn't that potato, potato? Aren't they like one of the same? They train them for these races that are like about 62 miles to to 620 miles these races can be and like pigeons

groups of pigeons can win by like seconds so these guys spend all these time training these pigeons to like i don't know how they know to get where they're going oh kim kim is you're coming back all right she's gonna come back wow those are fucking festivals really good cocktails bro oh those look fabulous. How are you feeling? I feel good. How do you feel? Fine.

Were you at karaoke last night? I was not. Oh, yeah. Wait, how was last night? Let's just say it was fucking legendary. She got crazy. No, it was fun. It was a fun night.

You didn't go to karaoke? No. Was karaoke after? Was that just like, was that everyone was invited or it was like, you had to be in the end? It was an exclusive Sass invite. Me and Sass were trying to rally the

troops, but we weren't really getting that much momentum, I felt. And then I left to go get pizza. Wait, there was a whole squad. Kelly Keegs, she lost her voice. Yeah, Gaz. Gaz? For moments. Classic. I was there for like three minutes. Sang my song

and I went home. What song? Have You Ever Seen the Rain. Ooh. Can you give us a little taste? You're going to have to listen to next week's Son of a Boy Dad episode. If you want to hear that. Good jeez. But I did ask him the exact same question.

Yeah. And he gave me a taste. I gave a taste. He gave a fat taste of it. All right. But it seemed like you guys were trying to recreate some other memories by going out to the tube and trying to have karaoke together. I mean, I felt really cucked that time because we didn't get to sing outside of Tom Mullins when we were in L.A. for Neighborhood Eats. I mean, that one guy.

Tom Mullins was there. He sang the same song that he sang in L.A. Really? I don't like that. That's what I said. I didn't like it either. That means you're good at that song, not a karaoke.

Exactly. And I feel like he just goes out with different groups and is like, I'll just give this a go. But in reality, he's great at that. I had never heard it. It's a very famous song. I forget what it is, though. I have a video of him singing it. But how was the actual party itself? I feel like I saw

Instagram stories from people at like six different bars that night. I don't know if you guys... Everybody... We went to there and then we went to another bar. Slantra. For some reason, our entire company just went to this... I mean, it's a pretty good bar, I guess. But it's not like a big bar.

So it's like a dive bar. We really took over the entire place. There's one bartender and we came with like 70 people. I saw Large was ordering a ton of martini shots for people. Thank you, Kim. Kim, can you tell us what... Or we'll say it into the mic once you've handed them all out, because we want to know.

Thank you. These look amazing. Holy shit, these look good. Kim. Is this peach? I love peach. Thank you. Thank you, Miss Kim.

Very nice. You can sit. You can sit. You can sit. Have a squat with us. I'd prefer if you stood. But Tommy has no authority in here, so please sit. It's a peach paloma. Peaches are in season, so it's like fresh.

We pureed the peaches and then added some tequila and grapefruit juice. Not grapefruit juice, grapefruit soda. Oh, my gosh. This looks absolutely delightful. And how about on the rim right there? What's this rim? That's a melon. I mean, that's the peach.

Oh, my God. Peach and lime. Oh, that's like tahini, but it's a chile. It's a Casamigo chile powder. That is refreshing. Do you like it? That is so good. I wasn't sure how I was going to like this.

It is so good. Oh, it's very good. Is that between that and cantaloupe? No, no That is so good. I wasn't sure how I was going to like this. It is so good. Oh, it's very good. Is that between that and cantaloupe? Because like at home. No, no, no, no. I know. Peach is definitely

the better move. Cantaloupe may be kind of gross, but I like the peach. I like peaches. Of course. I love peaches. I love this.

What do you think of it, Rome? It's appropriately sweet, but it also has the requisite amount of alcohol to remind you that you're having something that has a little bit of spice to it.

Is it too much alcohol in it? No, not at all. It's a great, beautiful blend. It's delightful. How did you come up with the recipe? Well, because I just Googled what fruit was fresh in New York right now, so I kind of went from there. I like the fizzle. Yeah.

Sizzle. I would order this in a restaurant. Carbonation. Yeah, this is delicious. Do you have a name for it? Peach Paloma. Just a Peach Paloma? A Peach Paloma.

I feel like you could make something more fun than that. You got to add a little flair. Let's come up with one. Huh? Peach, peach something. What's peach? Tommy, your name, guys. Pizazz.

Princess Peach. The Peach Princess. Yeah, the Princess Peach. Princess Peach, I think is good. The Princess Peach. It's called the Princess Peach. Yes, wow. No, you might get some really alpha men who are afraid to order.

It's like a Berry Bay Bay. Right. Yeah, it's very similar. You know what? I think the bartender hated me last night at Mr. Purple because I started the trend of getting Malibu Bay Breezes. And bartenders don't love making Malibu Bay Breezes. And I turned like 20 people on to them last night. I was like, these things are so good.

What is in that? I don't know. Malibu Bay Breeze and I turned like 20 people onto them last night. I was like, these things are so good. What is in that? I don't know. Malibu ramen, it's whatever. It comes out pink and it's so good. One of Tommy's things, he likes to get

one of the most colorful or like fruity looking drinks possible. Ideally a pink, a sweet pink drink. It's just absolutely delightful and it's delicious. And that's what makes me think

that people wouldn't be afraid if this were called the Princess Peach. Not everyone is as comfortable in their own skin as Tommy. That's definitely a fact. Cass, would you order that? The Peach Paloma?

Would you order the Princess... Would you call it the Princess... Princess Peach. Princess Peach. Yeah, I would order it. Would you order... What did you call the one last night? Malibu Bay Breeze.

Maybe you give it an alternate name for men. Like, it's also known as... Prince Peach. Caveman Skullfucker. Yeah. Football. I was thinking... No, I was thinking this is the first weekend of college football right yeah i was kind of going so what would you do for college football i don't know all the drinks like that i'm not sure what would be a good college wait what if you called it beer okay it's like a mixed drink but it's

called you call it like the beer this is a beer peach filament yeah i wonder if you put beer in it would have tasted like it'd probably be good probably would have tasted good how was your time at the party last night i didn't go you did it no why not because i had to go to dinner with my one of my husband's friends and i was going to go after but i have been sick ever since rough and rowdy so i felt so bad i went home really what kind of sick go uh asthma lung stuff and i would have thought that that mountain air would get you right that That's what I thought. But no, I think it was called the trees. Got me really good.

You were hitting the trees? Yeah, I was hitting the trees. Now my nose is running, my eyes are watering, and I can't breathe. Oh, no. It seemed like Alex, I saw a picture of Alex. She was gallivanting around having in-depth conversations. Was that Chris Clemmer she was having a conversation with that I saw? Scandalous post by Gats.

That was scandalous. Did that come across your desk? Did what? Did you see the picture of Alex and Chris Clemmer talking last night? No. You didn't get to see that one? I haven't seen that yet.

I need to catch up. Highlight of my night. What was the highlight? Mine was watching Clemmer and Fran introduce themselves to each other. It was quite a scene. What was interesting about that? It was pretty standard. They're just now to each other. It was quite a scene. What was interesting about that? It was pretty standard.

It was just, you know, not two people. Wait, they're just now meeting each other? Yeah. That's even more funny to me. Well, it's weird. Their desk's like just a foot apart or two feet apart. No, no, no. Fran and Clemmer?

And Clemmer here? They've been roommates for like four months now. They don't run into each other very often. They're just on different orbits. They're just on different. So did you wind up going out to dinner last night? Yeah, we went to dinner like at six, so it was good.

Where'd you go? St. Ambrose. I'm interested in the kind of lifestyle, like your lifestyle in the city. I'm sure it was a great dinner. Is that French? It's Italian. It was really good.

Oh, really? Pasta? I had pasta. Where did you get the fish? You got the pasta? I got the pasta. Joe got the fish. Joe got the fish. Was, really? Pasta? I had pasta. Where did you get the fish? You got the pasta? I got the pasta. Joe got the fish. Joe got the fish.

Was it al dente? Yes, it was. Oh. They make their own pasta, and it's like 100 grams. They tell you that. It's really good. Yeah, that is weird when pasta places do it by weight because I don't know how much 500 grams are or 100 grams are.

I didn't even ask, but the first time we went there, I was kind of like, I asked about the pasta and she goes, yes, it's 100 grams of pasta. And I was like, okay, well, that didn't tell me anything, but okay. Yeah, 100 grams, one's probably enough, you know? Yeah. Ask Alex. Ask Alex? How many small baggies would that pasta fit into?

This will help me sort that out. Did you all have fun at the party last night? Yeah, we had a good time. Were you already talking about it before I came in night? Yeah, we had a good time. Were you already talking about it before I came in here? No, actually. No. What was your highlight? Was the food good?

The food was amazing. I disagree. They had those packages again, like those sandwiches they had. No, all there was was tacos. It was make your own self-serve tacos. Yeah, but the food they were bringing around. Oh, yeah, the hors d'oeuvres. What were the hors d'oeuvres?

They were delicious. Some spring rolls. Ted was the best slider he's ever had. It was a really good slider. Chicken slider? Beef slider? Beef slider. Beef slider.

Little mini empanadas, sushi. Little mini grilled cheeses. Ooh. Did you go, Kate? I did not. No? No. I missed it as well.

I was at the park. You did? Why? I had a dentist appointment. You did not. He did. At 5 o'clock. However, his dentist appointment was at 5 and the party ended at 10 o'clock.

You could have definitely made it by 7. I had to go to Brooklyn and then I would have to come. I'd have to go home and change after that out of my athleisure into something a little bit more becoming. People were dressed up. Teeth cleaning. Oh, yeah. Teeth cleaning. But it took over an hour and then I was trying to do a consultation about some whitening services.

I'd like my teeth to be whiter if that's at all possible. Just use a little... Yeah, but I don't like that. I think that's gross. You make your teeth sensitive. Getting white? You do make your teeth sensitive. Yes. They just do. So does the electrical. Are you talking about the one where they brighten it? Doesn't that make them sensitive too? Probably. It probably strips the enamel a little.

You should check into that. That's what I'm worried about. I wanted to consult. I was trying to get the consultation. So that one ran it a little bit long. But even if it gets sensitive, I kind of would like to get a little bit whiter in the teeth. Have you ever gotten one of those procedures? Not the procedure, but I do the little, I buy from the orthodontist because I'm still using Invisalign. But it's the ones that you, little trays that you can use. Ever seen the pen where you like paint it on your teeth?

I've seen that, but I don't know. The ad makes it seem like you just like paint it on your teeth and your teeth instantly are like really white that thing fucking sucks you tried it it is like it it's like you have to paint it on your teeth and then it like gets all sticky and like hardens to your teeth and you're supposed to keep it in overnight it's just supposed to be this like this like a lot like paste like on your teeth the entire night and i'm like i'm not fucking doing that is it uh do people have naturally very white teeth i don't i feel like i'm i like brush my teeth take really good care of my teeth and like i'm not uh i don't know i drink a lot of coffee i guess i drink a decent amount of coffee maybe

that's it no i just think some people have really white teeth and some people don't but but the trays you only have to leave in for 20 or 30 minutes. If I leave them in longer than that, they make my teeth really sensitive. But I can tell when I do that. Oh, yeah. I've used the strips. I feel like I couldn't tell. You couldn't?

Like the ones you kind of tape onto your teeth. I tried the strips. My front tooth sticks out so far that the strip doesn't touch the tooth next to it. So my one front tooth is super white and then the other wasn't. And I was like, uh-oh. Just getting all the whitening. You know, I bought a bootleg version of Invisalign a couple of years ago and I bought it like you can pay monthly things. I was like, I'll just buy the whole thing right off the bat, which is like a grand or something like that.

Like I just fucking splurge. Like I'm a very spur of the moment. Some people would say that's manic depression. We're not a label show we're not here to call put names to drinks i didn't go to the orthodontist i didn't do anything i just like did the mold thing mailed it back to them i probably fucked that up i paid over a grand for the whole entire kit comes and like each month you're supposed to pull it comes in this roll you're supposed to pull the new mouth thing out or whatever i put it in and immediately it

starts like cutting the shit out of my mouth and it comes with files and like stuff but nothing helped and like two days later we were going to colorado to do um that big outdoor aizaki game i should probably know what it's called winter class yeah the air force academy um and i was having a couple edibles and i was like messing around i was like ah i can't wear these anymore i want to like do all this stuff and this is getting in the way and then i just put it in my closet never touched it again i have a thousand dollars worth of whatever and my teeth have probably shifted so far now that like it won't fit it won't fit anyway so i just like set a thousand dollars on fire for no reason that was a dumb story but damn and it's not even like you could resell it or anything like that no no unless

anybody to a fan we're doing an auction later today. If anybody would like to buy my old teeth set, I will give it to you. You can, $10. I'll put it up on the block today. Well, let's see. I mean, what if someone wants to pay more than $10? Let's not restrict ourselves. Okay, true.

Fair. Another thing I'd like to do when we get this auction going today, I'm going to sell three spaces on my cast as advertisements. So whatever you want on here, I'll plug it multiple times on today's show and on Monday's show. Three spaces for an advertisement. I have the silver marker.

Kate, maybe you could write the advertisement on it. I would be honored. No matter what it winds up being. And I think next Wednesday, we're also doing an auction of some stuff from Big Cat's Pile. Kim, I'd love to have you stay in here for the auction. Would you like to stay in here while we have this auction? No, no.

I would normally love to stay in here, but I really don't feel very good, so I'm going to go home. Are you going to? I'm going to go home. Oh, I'm sorry that you don't feel well. I really don't feel very good. Is that okay? I think listening to your body is the healthiest thing that you can do, and you shouldn't even have to ask if it's okay.

Of course you can go home, Kim. Thank you for the drinks, though. Happy Friday. Absolutely delicious. Cheers. Absolutely delicious. What are you doing over there? Just checking my stats.

Checking my health stats. I was listening to my body. Is your blood sugar spiking or anything from the drink? Not at all, right? Seeing how many steps I had. I'm just going to tell you, whenever I have alcohol, because I had that glucose monitor on there, whenever I drink and eat pasta, it makes my blood sugar go down low. And I eat pasta and it never even spikes. Weird as hell.

That is weird. I don't sleep very good, but I can eat stuff and it won't spike if I have martini or wine. You could just feel free to booze it up. I can eat what I want. You've got it made. I've got it made. That's not a bad lifestyle. Thank you so much for the drinks.

You're welcome. Thank you. We'll keep this tradition going as long as possible. As long as you'll keep on feeding us seasonal cocktails. We'll keep on doing it. Thank you so much. Appreciate it. Let's go. Fast, you've barely

touched your... Well, I'm not drinking today. Really? Maxed out. I don't believe you. Two day break? Well, no. I didn't drink for six days and I drank last night. So now I'm not drinking for probably a week. Oh.

I will say I stopped drinking. I barely ever drink now. I was a real piece of shit before. Like, oh yeah. Does it feel better to not be drinking? A little bit. Really? Yeah.

What about when you're not drunk though not so great yeah like the points of when you are drunk that still does feel good yeah i always tell myself i'd be like oh i'd be in such sick shape and have great habits if i just didn't drink yeah but since you don't look at me my first day of college i disagree with that when people say that's all i gotta stop drinking it's like i drinking. I mean, I drink, but I don't have a problem. I'll say it feels good to be a lightweight now. I'll be down in Sea Isle, and I'll have three margaritas, and I'm on my bike flying. I'm like, this is the best day ever. That's all I need now.

That is dope, having three drinks during the daytime and that being all you need. I'll take your cess. Yeah, pass it down. I'm going to drink mine. Huh? I'm going to drink mine. I'm going to drink mine. You just said you're not drinking. I'm taking it easy.

I'm going to drink it, yeah. I'm not going to get drunk today. Okay. That's lame. That's stupid. Super sus, but I guess however you got to justify it. I just don't like waking up hungover. You're awful right now.

But you got shit-faced and went to like eight different bars last night and tried to have a karaoke whoop-it-up session with Gaz. I did. That's because I drank. What's Gaz's karaoke song? He didn't do it. He left as soon as we got there. Okay. It was Ja Rule.

Are you Ellie? I used to think that he was saying. Are you Ellie? I used to think that he was saying, are you Ellie? Like, are you Ellie? He's saying, are you Ellie? Nope, I'm wrong. It was Ellie. Are you? Like the name rule.

Spelling it. Do you get it now, Tommy? Yep, I get it. Like Ja Rule. Are you Ellie? But yes, it's auction time, Aria. Let's get this auction going. Get your credit cards out,

boys. Aria, where can the people log on to spend an auction? It is tagged, I believe, on YouTube. But you can go to whatnot backslash barstool sports. Itslash barstool sports it's

in the fucking chat and if you go through the chat there is you get a ten dollar uh credit oh shit a ten dollar credit so we're about to run it the fuck up that's free money on whatnot so we're about to auction off five different things. Here's the five things that we're going to auction off. First, or I don't know what order we'll do them in, but we have Kate's Old Invisalign. Smile Direct, I believe it is. Yes. You can have the whole box.

There's like $1,000 worth and some of it's mouthworn. Some of it's mouthworn and my actual teeth shape is in there. Wow, which is rare. And that's one of one, right? There's nothing else. It's my snowflake, my oral snowflake. If you would like an oral snowflake for me. If you're a fan of the boob painting,

you'll love the oral snowflake. I will rub the box on my breasts before I send it to you. Also, we're going to be doing three sections of the cast, three advertising sections of the cast. No slurs. No slurs, obviously, but hopefully you have a business.

But if you have a business, I'll be wearing it around the city and we will be talking about your business or whatever on this and if it's you yourself that you want to promote your twitter account your instagram your tiktok if you have a small business a carpet cleaning business perhaps ask someone to marry you if you want to ask someone to be your boyfriend or girlfriend if you want to do it on ron's cast yeah you can actually it's or it's like just art like it's just a piece of art that you can kind of have made.

No slurs, no swastikas, and no penises. No penises. I have to wear this all weekend. But you can do a full, again, we're dropping a lot of clitoris on this show. If you would like to do a full, I can draw an anatomically correct pussy on there. Yeah, yes. And so that's all. That's for sale.

And also, finally, and so how we'll do it is, I think, one section, Kate's thing, another section, this thing, and then the final section right on the hand there. But the last thing that we have is Brandon Walker's King of the South crown. Uh, the crown is here. Brandon Walker is not here, but, uh, he's not here to be able to like, not, you know, he's not, he, he can't tell us not to do this. So, uh, we're just going to do it regardless.

So we have Brandon Walker's King of the South crown. And just as a reminder, this is all going to go into the slush fund, a slush fund for the show, a fund, Tommy, that you will not be able to touch. Okay, great. Sass, you have unlimited access to this. Thank you. This is like a fucking trust

that a billionaire would set up for their child. It is. And eventually, especially with how student loan is getting deleted away, you'll just be able to use this for fun, for discretionary funding. So be pretty excited about that, Sass. Thank you.

And Mint should probably get on Whatnot right now and just buy that crown right back from Brandon Walker. Honestly, these people... Smart move. That would be a smart move. You guys should all alert Ben Mint. People are asking, if they buy the crown, do they become the King of the South?

Yes. Obviously, you become the King of the south if you get the crown. It comes with the kingdom and all the spoils of the kingdom. The dowry, the fuck sessions, all the fuck sessions. You'll know the gender of Casey Smith's child. Oh, yeah, that's right. You know all the secrets. You get the knowledge.

It's like becoming president and learning about the aliens. You become the king of the south, and you get all the kingly benefits that come along with it. You should write a National Treasure Barstool book of secrets. Every secret of the company. We have a burn book.

Are there any secrets? Oh, buddy. There's secrets out there. There's a resident eavesdropper. Yeah? Oh, buddy. You do have the acoustically perfect part of the office where you can hear secrets from everywhere. Like a go-fright.

Who's saying what now? There's nothing better than a good secret. Tommy actually knows a lot of them. I feel like Tommy does now. Tommy's the biggest office gossiper. No, that's not true. I run an information network. I get a lot of information. If someone tells me don't share it, I won't share it. That's not true i i i run an information network i get a lot of information i don't someone tells me don't share it i won't share that's not true you actually that that puts

it on highest alert to be shared no that's not true if someone's like i really don't share that just knowing that i have that you've told me not to share stuff because you're not supposed to be sharing it no that's then it wasn't something that i actually said i shouldn't share i mean there's also people like you use common sense. Yes. This person I could tell the secret to and I could trust them to not go spread it. All right. Are you guys ready to do this freaking auction?

I run information. Tommy's got an information network. This is the first sliver of the cast. And are we started now? Yep. We're starting at $150? Okay, that's a lot of money for this, but I like that

because it's an advertisement and we're going to push whatever you want to push. We're going to be talking about it on the Yak and the Yak does absolute numbies, not only on YouTube and that's why we're up to $200,

$210, $240, $250 because we do numbers on YouTube and we do numbers while we're on a podcast network. That means people will hear and people will see what's going on in the cast.

Not only are we going to talk about it, $300, but we're going to be making sure that people know about it visually. Throughout the weekend, I'll be in New York City, the Big Apple, $310. $310 sold. If your business is a needle, the yak is moving it. Barney Cards.

So can we figure out what Barney Cards wants on there? Should I just write Barney Cards? It has to be some sort of card business maybe with Barney characters on them. Barney Cards. Wow. Barney, is there a way that Barney can say what they want on here in the chat, TJ or

Aria? Or did they just spend $300? Nothing. No, Barney Cards. I mean, if they say nothing, we yeah nothing no Barney I mean we would put Barney if they say nothing we would just put Barney cards really big there we're reaching out we're gonna reach out to Barney cards so $310 Barney cards Kate do you mind

being the one to write Barney cards or I guess we should figure out what their message is first I'll do it in good block lettering make it clear wow right next to the Jeff D'Lo Patrick from SpongeBob. That was his signature right there. Space 2 is already going. Oh, second auction.

So what are we? Oh, we're doing Space 2 already? Space 2. This is the Invisalign, right? Oh, this is Space 2. This is Space 2 on the cast. Space number 2, $205. Okay, $205.

It's a better space than Barney's, but $205 seems like a pretty good deal. $215, like why not spend $215 on getting your business out there to people? Small businesses are what we care about here at Barstool. Why not have your small business be amplified on a massive platform, $235? And that shows that you care about your business. You're not afraid to invest and to show the rest of the world that you mean business when we talk business $245. And we're going to make sure that this is something that is amplified to the masses. After this, I have a call with Erica and I'm going to make sure that this is a video call so she will be able to see 255 exactly what is on my wrist and sold to i missed the name i missed the name okay well we're not gonna miss it when it's

on the cast mike sold to mike revolt mike sold to revolt mike uh whoa before space three goes i just want to tell you i I just looked online. Barney Cards is already sold out. Barney Cards already blew up so crazily. That's the power of the space on your cast. And Mike has totally been revolted. I just saw that online as well. Yeah, that's right.

Salute to Mike. What an absolute beast, an absolute demon. You're going to be really happy with the return on investment with whatever's going on. Are we going to do this last spot on my cast? Are we going to do the crown? Or are we going to do the Invisalign? The first guy's message. Okay, first guy's message.

Kate, are you ready? Yes, I'm ready. What's the first message? It's his business. Cutieties.com. Use code RONE for 20% off. CutieTies.com. I'm going to pull up CutieTies.com right now.

Cutie Ties. Right on there. Okay, perfect. Yeah. Oh, they have little ties for dogs. Oh, very nice. Yeah, just whatever's in this area. People can see it?

Like, I should spell it this way, or do you want it facing you? I'd say I'm going to hold it like this as my display arm, so maybe that's the best way. CutieTies.com, use code ROAN for 20%. Stuff for dogs. They have little dog ties, movie night, pet flicks and chill, dog bow tie, and a little Netflix seat.

Let's go. CutieTies here and then I'll do.com right here. I feel like this is very important. I'm going to take this very seriously. And while we satisfy this uh you know our corporate obligations based on the sale that we just did on whatnot sass why don't you fantasize for a little bit about what you're going to do with this slush fund because with this we just added over three hundred dollars to the slush fund what do you want to spend that 300 on can you explain to me a little bit about how this slush fund works we have over ten thousand dollars that we've accrued through these

auctions that we've done. And it'll be whatever we want with it. Just have a little play around money that the people are dumping out. We'll do it for the greater glory of the show. So whether that's us going on zip lines or whether we're buying high powered semi-automatic

rifles and blowing up a propane tank from like 200 feet away or something like that. You're still supposed to take me shooting. I know. I'm dying to get out shooting. You never took me. I want to go shooting with you. I feel like we haven't been able to get out on the town and really let some fucking lead fly.

No, we haven't. Tommy, you ever shot? I think I did ski shooting back in the day. I was very bad at it, to nobody's surprise. Tommy's not a hand-eye guy. No, no, no. He's a brain-brain guy. Brain-brain-brain.

Brain-to-mouth. I have no hand-eye coordination. But he's really brain-to-mouth. He has a lot going on between the brain and the mouth. Yeah, the brain-to-mouth. I got a big nose. I have nice eyes. Maybe I'll go shooting this weekend, solo.

No. Oh, no. Come on. Can't do that, bro. You can't shoot solo? They got Chris Kyle. That's fucking dirty, dude. We were going to go shooting after Most Dangerous Games.

I know, but you got too shit-faced and drove home back to Pennsylvania. That's not true. Oh, yeah, you live in New York, my bad. No, you bitched out. That was the problem. Roan was like, I'm scared. And just write the promo code Roan for 20% off. CutieTies.com.

So just underneath. You don't have to write it as. Yeah. Promo code. $10 per their website. Is that what they said? They already got some stuff that actually is sold out. What?

Got some bows that are sold out. This was an incredible investment by this person. And the fact that we're already doing their advertising for them shows how powerful the third auction spot of my hand is going to be. And it shows what a deal the second spot got. $255, even though it is the middle spot. Say again? 25% off.

20. 20% off. 20% off. Okay. I'm going to bring it under the banana. Is that okay? Or no? Yeah, right under there.

That's perfect. That's Patrick Starr. That's Patrick Starr. 20%. Anything else? That's perfect. That's Patrick Starr. That's Patrick Starr. That's perfect. Oh, nice. All right, let's get a nice zoom in here.

Real nice zoom in right there. Oh, yeah. That's very well done. Wow, Kate, you might have a future in this. Into the microphone, Kate. Into the microphone, Kate, they're saying. Oh, sorry. I was saying,

I'm probably the best there is at that. Yeah, that was super impressive. Wow. Valuable. Do we know what the second one is going to be or should we auction off?

What's the second one going to be? Should we jump into that right now? It says follow and like on Instagram, Revolta Electric. I'll pull it up. into that right now? It says follow and like on Instagram. Revolt. Revolta Electric.

I'll pull it up. Revolta Electric. Follow and like on Instagram. Revolta Electric. Holy fuck, dude. This is going to get You need a good weapon for the next Capitol riots? Revolta.

No, I'm just kidding. Find out, but it's on there. There it is. Oh. Follow and like on Instagram. Oh, it's Re- Revolt. That. Oh. Follow and like on Instagram. Oh, it's Revolta. Revolta. That's got to be some sort of electronics company.

I want to see. Looks like we're about to find out. Revolta Electric. Anyone appreciate things that are electric? Mike Revolta, I guess? Oh, yeah, Mike Revolta. Oh, he does beautiful work. Another trim out complete. He seems to work

on homes. I'm looking at his Instagram right now and he does beautiful lighting. You got tall ceilings in your place? He doesn't care. He's getting on a ladder. It looks like he does... He did an antler chandelier. Oh wow. I wonder if he can do some kind of recessed lighting to make it flush with the

ceiling or something like that. I know Frankie is with his new house always trying to put some some sweet shit in there maybe we can get revolta lighting out to frankie barelli's new house tommy what's that address frankie's house uh it's uh i actually i i should i should say i wanted to burn his house down i thought it would have been a very funny prank if i went to his house for his birthday party burned it down that would have been hilarious would have been like and follow revolta electric is that what i'm doing yes on you can write ig instead of instagram to kind of make but make the revolta electric the biggest part okay can i make a line yes you should

yep make a nice line to separate but we only got 48 followers let's see how much he goes up to oh 56 already he does really good i will say he uh up to. Oh, 56 already. He does really good work. I will say to Mike, maybe put in your bio where you're located. Like what city? Because otherwise it could be a little confusing if they're able to book you. Good thinking. Yeah, what city does it look like? No geotag?

No geotag. It is impossible to say where Revolta is. Mike, where the hell are you brother should maybe add more information yeah you should definitely add a lot more information to your profile because the followers are rolling in i would trust that man with my kitchen oh definitely or your fucking mess room finished basement i did last year turned out great so he does more than electric I guess. Maybe he did the electric of the finished basement. Ooh, look at this.

Homeowners are big Vegas Raiders fans. Pretty cool house I did last winter. Let me light your world. That's a great slogan. Oh, ladies. You need lighting. He will light your world. The Raiders.

He's like Gorilla Rilla. A fucking ultimate Raiders fan. Damn, dude. So this guy looks like he's pretty legit tommy yeah and he's high on his own work an awesome hunting cabin i did turned out amazing i like someone who has that kind of kind of have some sort of website or something right yeah microvolta we you you need to put something in your bio right now seriously this is the the iron is literally hot right now you might never get as i mean advertising, we are severely undercutting

the sales team upstairs. Yeah, but I mean, whatever. Fuck them. Fuck them. And then electric guy having volts in his name? Oh. It was meant to be.

He never had any other choice. Like and follow. How'd you do budgeting the space for his name? It doesn't sound great. Where are we going to be going this weekend? Not to name specific places, but what type of spots on the town you'll be hitting that this advertising will be getting shown off to? My friend Colin's going to come into town, so you know that me and Colin always get fucking absolutely buck wild.

Of course. You didn't tell me Colin was coming into town so you know that me and colin always get fucking absolutely buck wild of course um you didn't tell me colin was coming into town that son of a bitch yeah that absolute maniac wicks dude you should see how high he can jump probably my most explosive friend how often do you make him jump for you ah he's in a good mood is he another friend that didn't ask you to be uh you're his best man uh he's unmarried mood. Is he another friend that didn't ask you to be his best man? He's unmarried, actually. All right. I really try to work on Colin this weekend. Me and him, but he has a brother, though.

You got to do something about that. You got to kill that brother. His brother fell out of a car one time. He was driving. So close. I never heard. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I was fucking licking my chops.

Look at this. Get a fucking zoom on this. Revolta Electric, as one word, would have been tough, but people get the gist. And the lightning bolt lets you know that says electric if it's fuzzy. Space left for that third. That's the primo spot, and they could get their logo. Kate also does logos for this third one.

94 followers now. Let's go, Revolta. Let's fucking make this guy famous. That's what. Let's go Revolta. Let's fucking make this guy famous. That's what? 30, 40 more customers? Let's get this guy fucking viral. Alright. He put, he added Ride the Lightning with Revolta Electric

and then he tagged two people. I still don't know where this business is. Where you at Mikey? Tagged a dog account. Oh he rides dirt bikes. I rides dirt bikes. Oh, I love dirt bikes. And he has an account for his Frenchie dog, who's adorable. Where the fuck is he? Oh, my God.

He's a varsity baseball coach at North Point. All right, look up North Point. Brandon Walker, to make this crown even more valuable, especially if you don't like him, Brandon Walker just texted me, don't sell my crown. So this makes it, if you don't like him brandon walker just texted me don't sell my crown so this makes it if you hate brandon walker which i know there's a lot of most of the viewers do you want to buy this crown and is there any way we could i guess do some kind of certificate of authentication that can go with this if you're probably signing it would ruin it

i'm sure aria would it smells like it has an unmistakable musk of Brandon. It does. There goes Mincy right there. Oh, look at that from Barney's Cards. Barney's Cards gave us a thank you. A portion of their proceeds go to cancer treatment for their pets. Oh, very cool. We're selling Brandon Walker's crown on an auction right now.

I mean, I can't imagine the bids are very high, no? We haven't started yet, but we'll allow you to be in here while we do this. You want a bid? Do you want a bid to buy the crown back? Buy the crown back? I'm just going to earn it. I don't think I need to give any money or financial. Look, I hope you enjoy it.

He wouldn't get the money. We would get the money. Yeah. Then it would go back to Brandon. Well, let's see where the bidding's at. If it's at like $40, you know what I mean? Let's see. You know what?

Let's see. All right. All I can say is so far on the street, people are upset about it. I'm getting the DMs. What do you mean? I'm walking around Hoboken. I'm walking around New York. People are throwing like tomatoes at you?

No, people are just saying steal the king everywhere I go. Oh, okay. But it's been like a thing, and, you know, I mean, it's – look, I'm not going to – you know, I mean, he's got the crown right now, so I shouldn't – Yeah, but it doesn't have people yelling at him, the king on the streets. Maybe he does. I don't know.

I hadn't been with Brandon on the streets. But I'm telling you, the DMs and still support for sure. So we'll see. You know, we'll see how long his reign is. But take my lumps and we're going to move on. Interesting week, but things are getting better. Everything's going to be all right. You got a shout out in the company meeting or two?

Oh, yeah. No, I mean, I'll expound on a little bit of this week. I've never – I mean, Dave really messed with me during Omaha 2021 when I lost like 10 games in a row right but never anything like this like this was like he texted me I mean he was like texting me going off on me and said very bad you've lost all my trust and then he goes dark on my text and just starts lighting me up on Twitter I was like and the crown is live okay I think all right the crown is live. Okay, I think the crown is live. Oh, no, no, it's not live.

Wait, no. Is it live? Are we doing one more cast space? The crown is live. It's about to be live. Should I press start auction, Aria? Oh, it's live. There it goes. This is the crown?

Did it start at $231? Yep, they're pre-bidding. Oh, they pre-bid all the way up to $231. People want this crown. You want the crown. All right, I'm bowing out. I'm going to – it will be mine again, but it will be earned. 231.

This is Brandon Walker worn crown. And it comes with everything. So, Mincy, you will not have to dethrone Brandon Walker after this. You will have to dethrone whoever is bidding $231. Honestly, this is making Brandon's case for the king crown look stronger. Exactly. People are hungry. I mean, it's his right. 241. Let me be abundantly Brandon's face for the king and crown look stronger. Exactly. People are hungry. I mean, it's his right.

$241. Let me be abundantly clear. He's the king right now. Feel free to move that mic to a more comfortable place. Oh, and that's Titty Sprinkles. Titty Sprinkles just won the crown. Wait, Titty Sprinkles is a recurring winner here. Am I correct?

Wait, Titty Sprinkles is one of the ones that didn't pay? Oh. Oh, fuckers. Wait, it's not like automatically linked to their bank account or something? Someone backed out. We'll never sell the Raekwon book. A guy named Titty Sprinkles must be of the highest honor. Oh, no, Titty Sprinkles was one of our early winners.

No, Titty Sprinkles is legit. Titty Sprinkles is definitely legit. How much was it? 230, right? 241. 241's pretty good. $241 is pretty good for our slush fund. We're up over damn near $800 in the slush fund from three items, two ads.

I can't wait to see what the slush fund goes to eventually. What do you think we should get? Is it looking materialistic, or could it be like a yak trip? How much would a box cost at an Ole Miss game? I could make a phone call. I'm saying, do you think we could get one for free for the whole show, or do you think there's something worth spending it? We could make a yak box.

I feel like we won't need money. I think we can go through connections. That's a waste of money. We'll use the connections. The yak can get a suite in Vaught-Hemingway. Probably at Mississippi State. Maybe we don't have the same connections oh yeah mississippi state probably oh this is happy sport the act barstool i love that couldn't be better at mississippi state we

could probably pay 500 and get a box you know what i mean you probably own the stating yeah seriously just kidding just kidding we freaking kid uh we have a good time here seriously let's put up uh kate so 241 for the crown. We will get that sent out to you. Titty sprinkles. Let's get these teeth auctioned off. Now, it's an entire box, a whole year. I think it's like a year and a half's worth of teeth straightening molds.

Nope. One of them may have blood on it. One of them might have blood on it Hates blood It's a whole month's worth. If you think your mouth looks like mine, you could fix your teeth maybe. You could also take the DNA evidence to 23andMe and find out

Are we related? Yeah We could plant it somewhere Crime, you could probably set up. Yeah, crime. You could probably set up some kind of crime. Oh, and the bidding's off. $39. $39. It was worth over $1,000. So you're really getting a good deal here. $39? Yeah.

It should because these are game worn. That'll go towards lunch on the way to whatever we do for the Slush Fun Day. Smile Direct. This is pre-sale, correct? Or is this the bidding live? Because I don't see the countdown going. Yeah, $39.

And you can show people when they get home from the bar, look, this is some lady you don't know's tooth kit. And panties are going to drop. Unless you know Kate, unless you actually know Kate, and then it could be a lady that you do know and you could be like this is Kate.

This is a perfect birthday present. Yeah. Engagement present perhaps. You're ever in a stoolie off. Oh you think you're a stoolie. I own Kate's Invisalign. Right. If you don't like me

you can run into me on the street and hand it to me and say here bitch you need this. You know. Speaking of I got approached by six fans, Yak female fans, out front of the office today. Oh, they were stalked out.

Lady Yak. Lady Yak. And they had a coin. Lady Yak. Really? Yeah. No way, really? You can't do it in front of the office.

You guys are coming up with a lot of rules. You can. Not in front of the office. You can't do it outside of an event or in front of the office. No, you definitely can do it in front of the office. No way. do it outside of an event or in front of the office. No, you definitely can do it in front of the office. No way. Yeah. That was one of our early rules.

You can't just camp out and get people as they leave our public office. What about if they're on the next one? You can catch someone in the wild. Rome, were you breaking rules? You might be getting another cast. Other arm. Is that the penalty for not smooching? I can't believe you were dodging kisses.

Wait, that's the thing? You got to kiss them? Yeah. Oh. Tommy, you should have been there. I saw them on the way in, and they were like, she was like, I didn't know. She was like, I have a yak coin.

And I was like, oh, nice. Well, you wouldn't have to do it. I didn't know that that was the rule. Jay, is that a rule? No kissing in front of the office? That might be a Big Cat audit that we might need to look into this. I don't know if that's a rule. Send him a text.

I don't think it is because remember when Big Cat went outside when there was a person there and we had a camera following him because he was ready to kiss? I thought from the – then what's the rule about being at events? You can't be at a company event. Right. I thought it was being to kiss. I thought from the... Then what's the rule about being at events? You can't be at a company event. Right. I thought it was being here, too. Work qualifies as a company event.

That's what I mean. So someone can just... That's like hunting a fucking... No, I'm with Roan here. I don't think you could just show up here. There's rules, brother. I think that that's one of the rules.

I don't think you can come up here and do it. I can see the guilt on your face. You know you broke the rule. Look at his eyes. Yeah. Look at those beady little eyes. Pure guilt.

What's the chat saying? Shame. Shame. Boys, how do you be fired up right now? There's a lot of hmms in the chat. Uh-oh. So I should have just been hot-mouthing strangers this morning is what you're saying? Yeah.

That's the whole, they paid for that coin, and you disrespected them. I didn't expect this to be a woman, dude. I thought it was a gay thing, dude. I thought it was a fucking dude on dude thing. Disrespected them as fans. And that's a damn shame. Right. I'm upset.

Fuck you, Sass. You definitely passed them, too. You probably just didn't give them the time of day. They probably said your name. Yeah, Sass probably fucking spat on them. You probably just didn't give them the time of day. They probably said your name. Yeah, Sass probably fucking spat on them. You absolute bastard. You got me mixed up with someone else. You don't care about the fans.

I care about the fans. I would have been kissing everybody. Okay, and we're off with the fucking... Are we? Or is it gone? I don't know. Did it sell for $34 or are we off? It's off.

Oh, $39? Yeah. $39, Kate. That's all right. It Kate. That's all right. It stinks. That's all I'm talking about. Is this making me really come to terms

with the actions that I made a couple years ago that I've hidden in the back of my closet out of shame? Yeah, but at least you're getting something.

I thought that was going for like $200 at least. Same. My mouth, guys. Come on. Yeah, come on. You can see how jaggedy my bottom teeth are.

Nobody can see that. How much did the painting go for? A few hundred, I think. I think it was like, wasn't it like 800? Yeah, it was like a lot of money. It really was. I did that right here in the bathroom. Yeah.

Full tits out. You familiar, Tommy? No. The bathroom or full tits out? Yeah, you're making videos in the bathroom. Full tits out. Tommy, what's up with you in the girls' bathroom? Yeah. What do you mean?

I did a video in there. I made content in the girls' bathroom. Girls' room. We did a dance. Guy can't make a video in a girls' bathroom? Kind of not, actually. Kind of super can't. Let's talk to HR about that. See what they think. Daniela did come in to pee at one point, and I was like, I'll leave, and she said, no, it's okay. She peed

while I was in there. In the stall, obviously. So girls' bathrooms have stalls that don't have urinals. Yeah, they don't have urinals. Which is dumb. They should. How would you know that, though,

if you've never been in one? Because I know. Freak. I have sisters, bro. They tell me shit like that. I'm done with that riff. Yeah, me can move on move on i was kind of just gonna let you guys kind of have it out all right so so now the last thing that we're auctioning off is the uh the corner real estate and you know everything about real estate is location location location

closest to the hand closest to the fingers closest to the street closest to the table closest to the camera this is the spot on the hand where your advertisement can go it can be text it can be a logo it could be some kind of seeing eye thing where you kind of have to blur your eyes and maybe there's a number kate will have to draw that if that's what you want to put on my hand. This is the item. And not only are you showing that you care about yourself, that you care about the yak, but you're showing that you care about America.

I put in something right there. And oh, damn, we're at $661. Holy fuck, that's a good-ass deal. Holy shit. How can somebody beat it? Do you have a better offer for the best spot for free advertising? Tell your wife. But it's not free.

Are you in the doghouse with your wife? Tell her you love her at the top of your head. $701. $701. You can tell your wife that you love her. $702. $702. $702.

Do we have anything more? The amount of publicity, $721, that you will get for your business is going to be astronomical, $750. And the fact that we're pushing you is our endorsement in perpetuity. Not only will you $770 have this

on my hand right now and on Monday for the show and for my entire $ weekend in new york but forever you will have the yak stamp of approval if it's your business you put that in your window if it's your cab you put it right next to your medallion if it's your instagram you replace the blue check mark with a yak thumbs up 840 and you let the people know. Sold. Whoa. Jitney Jungle Shop. Whoa, the Jitney Jungle Shop.

That's a bus and sea aisle, I think. Is it? The Jitney. The Jitney, exactly. What is the Jitney Jungle Shop? $840 for the best spot in town. That's a steal. Jitney Jungle Shop. Shout out to the Jitney Jungle Shop.

Wait, what? $840. So it's locked in right that's sold right let's see yeah it's good good yeah the jitney jungle shop so congratulations to them um when you invest in your business that's the little things that you'll do today that you'll be thankful for tomorrow when you're on a yacht burning fucking money 100 when you have 800 000 million dollars on a fucking 150 foot yacht and you're just riding on a jet ski laughing cutie ties household name now revolta electric household name now jitney jungle household name st louis missouri by the way for revolta electric ah st louis, St. Louis. St. Louis, Revolta Electric. St. Lunatics, Sass.

When's your show out there? Yeah. I just did a show out there. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. It's actually a good city. I liked it.

Let Kate have the rest of your drink, dude. You're not drinking that. Yeah, you can actually. It's infuriating. Yeah, that's actually super wasteful, Tommy. You don't have to. No, it's okay. You should.

It might help you, like, come down from the... Oh, you can't drink it. Okay. Yeah, yeah, exactly. There you go. Kate. You want the rest of mine, Ro? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Pass it on over here. You guys can't drink. I'm going to take one more sip. Who says one more sip? Who says one more sip? Who says no to one more sip? What are you trying to say, Tom? I feel like I'm in a jitney jungle by the time I've done this.

It's a tropical drink. Delicious. I shot one of the funniest Tommy Smoke scenes yesterday for the Smoke show. I can't wait until people see it. I'm pumped for this episode. What's the theme of this one? This episode is going to cross more boundaries than I've ever crossed. And at first he was reticent to cross some of these boundaries,

but I was like, I told him I'd quit if he didn't cross the boundaries. It's about my only fans. It's about my only fans. Journey into being an only fan. Well, I've seen some of the boundaries. It's about my only fans. It's about my only fans. Journey to being only fans. Well, I've seen some of the photos. You guys were like full nude in that room. Yeah, yeah. So there's that.

I've seen more angles of Tommy's penis than I ever had expected. Every angle. I could 3D map it in my mind right now. Dude, I could draw it from memory like an autistic kid flying over a major city. We won't say who, but we'll just say

the smoke show. We will have our first. Don't even say it. Don't say it. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. No spoiler. Check out the smoke shows, though. They're great.

Tommy, they're doing well, right? Yeah. They're doing well. Thank you. Go check out Son of a Boy, Dad. It's doing great, too. But you know, there's so much... Fuck you.

I even hate you. What? I was reciprocal promoting yeah but that don't cross promote son of a boy i got a huge shout out at the meeting yesterday for being one of the fastest growing shows one of the most i think every more and more listening every brand got a shout out yeah not zero block 30 a new episode out today by the way i was waiting for that recognition video at the end. I was like, all right, they're closing. Like a Tommy recognition sizzle reel of like all my competition wins.

That didn't happen. Well, it's because the squeaky wheel gets the oil and you're just like, you just hum along. Right, I'm pristine. You know what I mean? You should squeak more. If you've got a shout out, then. That means you're bitching. Right.

There's so much like content and stuff here that you can't possibly check out all your co-worker's stuff all the time. Right. But the smoke show is one of the things that I consistently click on. It's consistently genuinely funny. If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it. Go check it out on the Barstool YouTube page. Go check it out on the Barstool YouTube.

It is laugh out loud funny. Okay. That was nice as shit. It was way nicer than what Taz said. I've never listened to Son of a Boy Dad. Taz barely. I brought it up first. I said, listen, go watch the smoke show.

Yeah, but I had to one-up him. Yeah, you did. Zah, Tidra, anyone else? I gave you my drink, too. We can just see who can win this compliment battle. No, I'm all set. Oh, yes. Wait, so what do we have?

What am I writing on the cast? Yeah, we want to make sure that they get their bang for their buck. It's 3peatgoat.com. Whoa. Just that? Yep. Perfect. Do I spell it out?

I need to see it. 3peatgoat. Is it the number three or letters? So T-H-R-E-E-P-E-A-T-G-O-A-T.com. Right? Yeah. Welcome to the best decision you've ever made. What is it?

What's the best decision? I don't know. It just says buy now. I kind of like it like three. Oh, wow. These are fucking sick. They're helmets. Wait, what?

They're like really cool looking helmets with goats on them. Okay, I'm going to spell it out. I'm not sure. PeteGoat.com. Dot com. Four levels. Also, we have a ruling from Big Cat. Oh.

Big Cat says you have to kiss. Okay. So I don't know what we do now. What did Big Cat say? He said that Roan should have kissed. Oh.

You should have? That hurts to hear. What's the punishment uh-oh maybe not blocks for the rest of them threepeatgoat.com tommy do me a favor do a little talking okay uh threepeatgoat.com uh it looks like helmets and baseballs. And subscribe to our mailing list. Sign up to it.

It looks cool. Look, I got to be honest. I don't know what the fuck this business is, but I like the look of it. And that's the best $841 that you've ever spent. P.E.T.E. Right. Three Pete or P.E.A.T. E.A.T.

E.A.T. Yeah. Goat.com. All right. What else can I talk about? I'm thinking about starting to wake up early in the morning. Yeah, go.com. All right, what else can I talk about? I'm thinking about starting to wake up early in the morning. Yeah, I've been doing that up until today. Is it a game changer?

Yeah, big time. I think it'd be nice to get up, maybe go to the gym. Maybe get up and wake up and running. Go to a coffee shop or something. Yeah, I've been doing that too. You saw Blattman doing that? I'm not kidding. I did see that tweet. I know. But I had already been thinking about it and i was like this is my

push over the edge well he has kids he's trying to get out of the house i'm just trying like i feel like i you know i wake up i take a shower and i'm at work i have no morning you know i get home it's like i need a little bit more of my day and i've been tired because i think i sleep too much well you're just coming to work later come to work later? Come into work later? Yeah. Yeah, I vlog from home in the morning and chill. I get coffee and vlog from home the next morning. You're always in super early.

What time do you get here? 10? 10, 10.30. Super early. Yeah. But for this office... People right now are pounding their keyboards.

It's like, that's not super early. There's no one here today. I mean, this is such a rookie mistake to not come in today where it's like everybody everybody skips the day after the company party what do you mean i just feel i mean maybe i guess not as much now but i feel like back at back in the old days if you like didn't come to

work the day after a company party it was like oh well you got too drunk last night so i don't know he knows what i'm talking about yep that was one was one of the big check on who's here days. Yeah. Oh, yeah. People have gotten soft nowadays. Facts. What did you think of Dave's party yesterday? Dave's party? Yeah, his big meeting that he had.

Thank you, Kate. What about Dave walking out on us in the bathroom? That was tough. I've got to zoom in on this. Yeah, Tommy, tell that tough get a zoom in on this yeah tommy tell that story while they zoom in on this so uh i'm getting a real and hold on i was peeing yesterday in the bathroom roan came in and uh roan was oh those pictures with pat came out great and i was like yeah well i'm really self-conscious about my titties like i really wanted to cover up my titties and i was like you know i think for this part of the video maybe we should cut this and maybe like i get kelly and jordan, like, how to sext guys instead.

And you're like, yeah, like, we'll figure it out. And then we'll do this. And then the stall just opens and it's Dave. Just like that. The smirk on his face. He's like, okay. That's hilarious. It was literally out of a movie.

Like, I wish that that scene was part of the show. Yeah, I wish. That's why we need cameras in the bathroom. I've been saying that. Well, I just need to be home and Tommy tommy at all times dude yeah fuck and i just that's just a golden scene that just will live in the three of our heads forever was dave taking a shit he was in there i mean we had a meaty conversation it was a long conversation but he probably was like he was probably walk out and he was like yeah fuck? I wanted to hear the rest. That's so funny.

These fucking weirdos. Hey, it shows we're addicted to the grind. Even when we're peeing, we're talking content. 3peatgoat.com. 3peatgoat.com. 3peatgoat.com. Have we gotten our Zoom in on this yet? Hold on.

I'm talking to Jack about something. You're going to be out and about all weekend, and people are. That's going to be a conversation piece. You're going to be out and about all weekend, and that's going to be a conversation piece. People are going to be asking you, so then you're going to have to give them the rundown about electrics, about all that stuff. Colin's going to be jumping everywhere. Yeah. Yeah, that's going to be fucking sweet, dude.

He touched the ceiling of my old apartment. It was 12 feet high. Holy shit. Which, the high ceiling? Or the fact that the high uh high ceiling or the fact he jumped that high fact that he jumped that high i was just getting approval that we could advertise this guy's website i was at a party a long time ago with a bunch of basketball players from i think george washington university in dc is that the name of the and we were all throwing our drinks on the ceiling we're like drinks on the ceiling and then the one super tall basketball player had

a paper towel and he was like wiping the ceiling down just standing on his own feet. He's like, don't worry, I got it. That's a cool anecdote I have about tall people. And why am I saying that?

I don't mind. I think that's kind of the point of the yak. You kind of just. your friend can jump high. You're talking about your friend can really. Okay. Cool story, Kate.

I just put together what his website is, TJ. Huh? What is it? Just put together what we website is, TJ. What is it? I just put together what we can say. Yeah, we got approval. He gives out gambling picks.

Oh, okay. I thought he was selling football helmets. I didn't want to say it. I was like, who is going to buy these football helmets for $1,000? Oh, he gives out gambling picks? Yeah. I called the sportsbook team and they signed off on it. Gotcha.

All right. Wow, dude. We should have checked. Yeah, no. I was just like, man, they do look cool, but who spends that type of money on a football helmet? Yeah. Okay, that makes more sense now.

Let's get this wheel spinning. Yeah, let's spin. I didn't realize. It's almost 2.30. There should be some sort of... Oh, yeah. Oh, no. Okay, dry.

That would have been awesome. I'm so hungry. It wouldn't start right now. Yeah. We would work towards it. Thank you, Aria. I'm happy that we could get some fucking slush for our fund. The road to $20,000.

Ladies and gentlemen gentlemen Aria Tommy do you like Fleetwood Mac yet? I like some of their songs but then you're gonna tell me no no no what's their big famous song Big Cats has sung it fuck

I'm an idiot I'm a loser I can't think of it. Fleetwood Mac. What's the big song? Dream? Dreams. Right.

I think I'm thinking of something else. Rumors? Might be. Landslide. Mudslide. Landslide. Mudslide. Landslide is what I'm thinking of.

That's Fasoli's favorite song. Mudslide's my song. There I was. Pooping my britches. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. The landslide brings you down. She wrote that about her dad.

That's my file on Fleetwood Mac. Dude, how about the standing ovation and flowers that we got for a special member of our office yesterday? That was lovely. That was probably the hard-working member, most hard-working member of the office. Yeah, that's our office yesterday. That was lovely. That was probably the most hardworking member of the office. Yeah, it's our cleaning lady.

I call her mi profesora because she teaches me Spanish. Really? Yeah. Yeah, I have a strong relationship with her. I think that if she had to pick out of a lineup of the 400 people that were at the meeting yesterday, I think I'd be in her top five of the most communicated with. Really?

I don't think she likes me that much because I pee a lot and I'm always in the bathroom. She's trying to clean in there and she just sees me and it disrupts her a little bit. I feel bad, but I pee a lot. You also pee,

you spray like a fire hydrant that children are going to play in. What do you mean? There's no streamline to your stream. There's no line to it. It's more of like scatter. It's like buckshot. It's like a shotgun.

I clean up. It's like a mist. I have a little band on my penis. Watering a golf course. It's like sprays all over the place. Yeah, well,

that's a medical condition because I have that thing on my penis hole. Yeah, yeah. Your penis hole is cut into two. Wouldn't it be fun if you could put,

you know how like a little band across my penis hole? Wait, what. Wouldn't it be fun if you could put, you know how like. It's a little band across my penis. Wait, what? It's cut into two. Yeah, so I mean. Jesus Christ. It shoots like a double helix. If I pee with a boner, oh boy.

It's going to get ugly. He's got the band in the middle. This is like with Nick and KB and I can't tell if they're joking. No, I'm serious. So you're. I'm serious. I mean, it's normal. It's normal.

But your pee pee hole has a. It's normal looking. Like you would never know by looking at it. Well, if you look really closely, there's like a bridge between... If I took my penis hole, if I had my penis and I took my two thumbs and I spread my hole,

you would see a little... Oh, there's a little pink little band across the hole. Dude, Zod just had the most inquisitive look. I have the same thing going on too what? yeah it's probably I'd imagine it's not that rare it's a little separate

I fire one up one down yep yep yep I have never in my life ever heard of this are you guys fucking with me? not dead ass if you push hard enough then it comes out as like a straight stream but if it's not the pressure ain't right

I was worried Zah was trolling me but he's describing it exactly how it happens we are brothers in arms so could you just take a small pair because it's just, the pressure ain't right. I was worried Zaha was trolling me, but he's describing it exactly how it happens. We are brothers in arms. So could you just take a small pair? Because it's just a little piece of skin, right? Can you just put it? Oh, no, that would be a bloody mess. It's really not that much of an inconvenience.

It's not an inconvenience at all. If you're peeing with a boner, it could get a little out there, but you just clean it up. So your pee holes have one little bridge of skin separating them into two pee holes. It's like an indoor and an outdoor. I wouldn't even say like two pee holes. I'd say it's like one pee hole with like a little thing. Yeah, girls love to brag about having all these holes. Little do they know that Tommy's got a fucking

mesh shirt for a penis hole. Now that I'm thinking of it, is it pee in one and then jizz in the other? Yeah. Oh man, I was joking about knowing about Tommy's, but now I feel like Oh, man. I was joking about knowing about Tommy's, but now I feel like I know it more intimately

than I could have ever imagined. I feel like I could pick it out of a lineup like one of Michael Jackson's accusers. That's going to be my survivor tape. I'm working on it. And I was talking to this guy who works on the show. He's like, you need vulnerability. He's like, Jeff Probst is obsessed with vulnerability.

And I was like, I got to find something. Maybe it's my penis hole. Maybe it's my penis hole. I don't think the penis hole is going to play. I'm going to the dermatologist at 345. Was it that thing? Yeah. Really?

Because I made you feel self-conscious about it? No, everybody's made me feel self-conscious. Really? Because it is growing. What are they going to do? He's got a dick on his arm. No, I'm not going for my penis hole. Oh, you're not?

I'm like, oh, my God. I'm sorry. I have like a birthmark on my arm that I've just picked at and it became like a wart and it looks like monkey pox and everyone's like, oh, you have monkey pox.

Show it. Show it on camera. I don't know if it's going to. You're probably not going to really. You can kind of see the little dot there, but the closer it is, you keep it.

It's like the kind of thing you always try to wipe it off. Okay. Oh, yeah. Okay. All right. That right that's enough yeah it's monkey pox yeah the crowd's getting yeah the audience is getting sick next we'll show my penis hole did you was that something you found out on your own you're like why is my pee going everywhere does everyone else's pee go everywhere so that actually i kind of realized that and then when i went to the urologist for my frequent urination problem, he looked at that. And he was like, I have this whole thing here.

And he was like, that's probably not the why you pee so much. I said, yeah. Yeah, that's how you pee. I agree. That's not why I pee so much. He got really in there. Yeah, he must have been. Somebody else.

He had a nurse with the hands looking at him looking at him aggressively let's get some forceps in there yeah they bring in like a bunch of medical

students to take pictures that's the ultimate horror I bet there's a lot of us I bet the fact that there's two people in this room of

five six I grew up thinking it was normal yeah maybe you guys are the freaks for not having it. Some ladies have uneven flaps.

As you take a sip of your drink. And not me, but I wish it would be more normalized for women who do have uneven flaps. Yeah, they need

to be celebrated. A woman have multiple flaps too. Three, four, five, six. Yeah, I'm a tri-flap. No, I got two, six. I'm a tri-flap. No. I got two, but they're not even. Sometimes it looks like those monsters from Jurassic Park.

The dinosaurs from Jurassic Park. They're like... Whenever Pat goes down on me. Sprays the black ink. Yeah. Oh, fuck. This is like improv class. You know what I mean?

Right. Yes and. Yes. Yes and. Okay. All right. Well, fuck, dude. This has been the act.

Please subscribe to all these websites and shit. Kate, what are you doing this weekend? Anything sweet? I might be going to Wildwood. Party peg. My Aunt Peg invited me down with the little one, so I think I'm going to Wildwood. Party Peg. My Aunt Peg invited me down with the little one, so I think I'm going to Wildwood. Party Peg.

Party Peg. She said she'd watch the little fella and I'd go out in the town. A couple of my other cousins are going to be there. Shut up. Is Lisa going to be there? She might. Oh, sandwich up to Lisa. She has been going to the barstool, the club under the barstool bar.

Sansom Philly. Oh, really? Yeah. Apparently it's fun. Love that, dude. What are the freaking chances? I know. Tommy, you Philly. Oh, really? Yeah. Apparently it's fun. Love that, dude. What are the freaking chances? I know. Tommy, you're going to Connecticut, right?

Yeah, I do know that. Did I tell you that already? And Sass, you're going back home? Well, no, it's the two-pea-hole convention up there, right? I'm not going back there until Sunday. I got an information network. No, I didn't remember telling you that because you're like, is this Seraphim? And I said, no, Seraphim won't be there, but it's not Seraphim's birthday.

Yeah, exactly. And Rowan, your friend's coming into town. Colin's going to be there, so it's going to be fucking sick. Probably going to be using some wood grooming products while you're out there. TJ, what are you doing this weekend? Shit. Probably nothing. Wood grooming?

Probably using wood grooming. Probably fucking shaving in there. I'll rub it all over my pee hole, my disgusting pee hole. If you have two pee holes, put wood grooming in it, in your pee hole. It'll fix it. It'll smell good. It'll smell good. And they got different flavors to kind of make your pee hole more flavorfully robust.

And, you know, listen to the yak. Subscribe to the yak. Zaha, anything fun this weekend? I'm going to Larger's house on Sunday. Not nice. Going to Arturo's on Sunday and yeah,

tomorrow I'm trying to figure that out. Probably nothing. Yeah. Probably just smoke a shit ton of weed. That's it. Park some trucks online. I spoke to two joints in the morning. Sing it to us.

Wow. I'm fucking exhausted. I'm going to go home and sleep. Kate, the people want you to take us out with another, an encore of your song. Oh, gladly. Oh my goodness. You guys know the chorus by now. Yeah, I actually had it stuck in my head for a little bit.

Hold on. I got to find my notes. You wiped it. Okay. Yeehaw. New Jersey Transit goes down the tracks. Come on now. You're doing a different version this time.

I like this one. Oh, a down one. My train of thought is on the poopy in my slacks. Yucky. Haircut at six that I'm gonna miss. Cause my back door opened wide up, letting out some brown piss. It's a sad day, it's a bad day. It's a sad day, it's a bad day.

It's a green apple splatters, nothing matters day. At least I'm man enough to share. I try. Walking away, people stared as they stopped. They smelled it, then I dealt it, and their jaws all dropped. Yellow stains on cream-colored shorts, toilet chili in my britches. Wish that I could teleport. It's a sad day.

It's a bad day. It's a bad day It's a sad day It's a bad day It was always loose-tooth goofing It was never just a fart Catastrophe times ten Oh, you're breaking my heart It's a sad day

It's a bad day One more time. It's a bad day. It's a bad day. One more time. It's a sad day. It's a bad day. It's a sad day. It's a bad day. It's a sad day. It's a bad day.

But it's a Friday. We hope you all have a good one. Have a good one. That's right. Have a good one. And we'll see you all next week. Join the flush fund. That's right. I like it. Have a good one. We'll see you all next week. Join the flush fund. That's right.

Have a good weekend. Have a good one. Bye. All right. Bye. Thanks, guys. Have a good weekend.