The Yak - KB and Nick Become Extreme Sports Superstars | The Yak 2-13-23

Episode Date: February 13, 2023

Mintzy strikes againYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. I don't know why it's starting on me. Put it to someone else. I don't want to lead off the show. Nick? All right, Kate. We look exactly alike in every single way. It's true. I didn't notice that until now. If you gave me a hat. I have a beard as well, Kate, we look exactly alike in every single way. It's true.

I didn't notice that until now. Have you gave me a hat? I have a beard as well, Kate. That's the one thing. I do have a little peach fuzz. Oh, my God. What the fuck? Oh!

Wait. What in the world? Pokemon. What's going on? You guys do look the same. Yeah, I have one. We always look the same. What's that rave lamp guys do look the same. Yeah, I have one. We always look the same. What's that rave lamp doing?

I know. I know, I like it. I have two of those. Really? Yeah. Why do you have two rave lamps? I thought it would be more fun than it would,

than it was. Yeah. Do you ever turn them on? No, never. Okay. Yeah, it's just not worth it. Dude, I've had that pop a shot in my apartment

for two years. I've shot ten baskets. That's how it works. Dude, I've had that pop a shot in my apartment for two years. I've shot 10 baskets. That's how it works. The whole appeal is it's something that you don't normally have access to. Once you get it for your own place, it's over. And I gave up so much real estate for that. Yeah, it takes up a lot of space. Yeah.

It's fun, though. Can't even use it, though, because you're neighbors, right? I know. Yeah. No, if somebody plays, I have to stand behind and hold my hand behind the back of the board. I also have to peer pressure them into not banking. Yeah, yeah. Oh, banks?

Oh, man, it feels good to be back. I do have the sniffles, so I'm sorry. Did you guys get back Saturday? Saturday evening. How was the week for you guys kate sass i didn't do shit yeah it was pretty first off condolences thank you oh my yeah we should have gotten that out of the way yeah um there's like a layer of film on you have you been home no i came i got right off the train and came right over here i. Got a big chocolate chip ice cream cone first because it settles the stomach. Yeah, yeah.

Was it? No. Oh, fuck. No, no. That's what I tell myself. And it was rough. I did a man on the street last night, but I was admittedly, I had a little too much to drink. It's a man on the street.

You kind of have to. I got in a dumpster and it was pouring rain. So I got in a wet dumpster and then I ended it. I wouldn't accept you getting into a dry dumpster. Why did you do that? I don't even know. There wasn't even a joke. It wasn't for the video?

Was the video like starting? Or were you just in the dumpster for a scene? Or were you like? I was like, yo, booze, get me in the dumpster. And he was like, okay. But there wasn't a joke to it and then i ended the video by curling up in a puddle on the street so my shoes are soaked these are my i didn't realize your feet are soaked my coat is soaked i forgot to bring under oh yeah you pissed can i say something else else? I don't know why I tweeted that. That wasn't from being drunk.

It's a new mom thing. Oh. And I literally cheered so hard. I jumped up and I just completely pissed my pants. Not just a little bit. Like I completely pissed my pants. Can you pull the tweet back up? Do you think you needed the word involuntarily or was that assumed?

Well, I didn't want people to think it was because I was drunk. It was just like, I'll just piss my pants. I don't know if that's how people think. But it was like, I guess I included involuntarily because it shocked me when it happened. And then I was like, I can't sit for the rest of the game. I'm about to delete this. And here we are. I have like Sunday scaries.

I have a whole list of scaries. Wait, is the man on the street going to be put out i have no idea this morning or last night i thought i kept telling booze i was like i have this whole arc i have this vision blah blah blah as i like dragged him through the city and then afterwards when we were going back to the hotel he was like man i don't know how i'm gonna piece that together like yeah no, you got the piss, the dumpster, and the puddle. Poor Booze. He had to go to Fort Worth with me as well.

Really? He can't catch a dump. Was this during the game? No, this was after. Oh, you did this all after. So you got to worry. People came pouring still out into the streets. Was it crazy after?

There was riot cops. There was, which I also was trying to interview them. I was like, whoa. And they were like, no, we're not in the mood. There was people still climbing poles people shooting off fireworks people like yeah it was a whole big thing still and i was what time did you get home i think i went to bed around 2 30 i was eating i brought a can of chef bardi because i knew i was like your stomach has to be a war so you're grossing me out. It's awful. Stop. I was sitting on the bed.

That's morbid. Stop. Shut up. We were like laying in piss puddles, shoving down. I got this. This is like, this is going lively. I had the scaries already. My heart was pounding and I was eating Chef Birdie with my fingers.

So this was pre or post piss? Post. Post dumpster? Did you still have piss on you? No, I showered. But then I like, whatever. It's just been. Sounds crazy.

I wonder if Mook's here. Mook said he was going to die. He texted me last night. Unprompted. He was like, hey man, I'm going to die. Yeah. I guess it was just a heads up for the pod. Who was in the action?

He was in Philly. Who do you think? What fan took it the hardest? Man, what fan of like... Zouk is a huge Eagles fan. Yeah, Smitty. Max. I would say Max, probably.

I think Smitty's the angriest. Yeah. Did you see how big Max's pants were? Yeah. Why were they so big? I've never seen pants bigger. Huge. Yeah.

Those should be in a Subway ad. And how much were their seats? Did their seats end up being... Six grand each? Eight grand each? Oh, God. Like six. Wow.

Okay. Yeah, that's tough. I feel so bad for losing fans of the Super Bowl. They pay to go there. You know, it can't be cheap. Fly out there, hotels. Look how big those pants are. Is that a helmet?

I don't know. But he was wearing two pairs of pants why because big cat said if philly won this was on pardon my take if philly won uh big cat would get him into the eagles after party so he had jeans on oh yeah there's no one who's in a worse mood in the world than max yeah two pairs of pants and a loser look how big yeah those are looks like a philly Hagrid. Look at that look. Somebody Photoshop him in a trench. Man, it was like a Babadook. The wind was howling.

The rain was pouring. Everyone was hammered drunk just pouring into the streets. And it was like, oh, man. It was just a scene. Yeah, it was a bummer. It was a tough loss. Yeah, it was. Oh, well. I enjoyed it a lot.

Enjoyed the halftime show. Enjoyed all the theatrics. Yeah, I did too. Halftime show is just the biggest hack for people to get tweets off and be like, this actually isn't good. Yeah. Yeah. Well, what about it?

Unless you just don't like the songs. Yeah. I just played every very good, successful hit song. She sang it well and then. She proved me wrong. I had no idea. I didn't know half those songs were hers. No, she's got a.

What a catalog. What a catalog. Yeah. Crazy. Yeah, I thought it was great. I didn't realize that either. Yeah. And she was up there for like 10 minutes and she just did like 30 second snippets of all

of her songs. She neglected Disturbia. Yeah. Yeah. And Prego. Very exciting. Yeah. Kate, no she's not. No. Yeah. Yeah. And Prego. Very exciting. Yeah. Kate, no, she's not.

No. Add that to my scary list that I have going on. I guess it was way more apparent on the Jumbotron. She kind of rubbed the belly or something, but I wasn't sure. It took me a few minutes in. Yeah, it was... I could tell right away. It took me a few minutes in. Yeah, it was... I could tell right away. We've gotten in some heat as a company

for fat shaming her, right? Yes. She was beautiful no matter what. I love that fucking late 20s, early 30s thickness. Yeah? That some people put on Some former skinnies Yeah

Travis Kelsey Wait a minute Dude Travis Kelsey Fucking sucks What a loser Did people not know this That he does that voice Why is he

He's black all of a sudden He came out on stage And he was just speaking He's been doing this Yeah He's been doing that for a while He's getting progressively worse I don't know I know he's from the Cleveland area.

I'm pretty sure it's a white suburb. It sounded like Tyler Miller. Did he have a booger when he got the mic? Yeah, he did. Big booger. Big, big booger. That's a booger. He didn't deserve it.

Yeah. I mean, dude, I don't know why he kept on saying that. He was like, everyone doubted us. No one thought the Chiefs were going to win the Super Bowl. So you guys were the best team. I think he was talking about just the Super Bowl, everyone doubted us. No one thought the Chiefs were going to win the Super Bowl. So you guys were the best team. I think he was talking about just the Super Bowl, not like the year. Yes. Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know. It was a good game. It was. It just ended so abruptly. Yeah. I thought it was going to go to OT. I thought the Chiefs were going to score and then the Eagles were going to go down and score. And then it was going to go to OT. I thought the Chiefs were going to score and then the Eagles were going to... Go down and score. Go down and score and then it was going to go to OT. But no.

I was wrong. Fucking sports, man. That's sports for you. I was just watching it alone in my apartment and just talking to myself like, this fucking grass is horrible. Oh, yeah. Everyone's slipping all around. Slippery ass grass, yeah.

$800,000 sod. I think everyone wanted that dude to miss the kick to miss the field goal. Oh yeah. Barstool Sportsbook had the you could bet on doinks or no doinks. Like a football would never hit the upright.

I know. I know. After I put my biggest bet of my life on none. On none? What are the odds? Sass, how'd you perform perform i had two bets that hit um but they were like dumb just like i had like eagles over 34.5 points and then i had like jalen hurts like first half touchdown yeah but then i had like these i had this big parlay and and it was so close. But I don't know.

Just every time. I never win. Well, what was the highlight of Arizona? Is there, like, a main thing that sticks out to you? Arizona, Scottsdale as a whole was awesome. Yeah. Yeah, I think it was top five for May City. Really?

I think it was top two for me. Wow. What's so great about it? It was hectic. Like, the commute to the house and back was about 30 minutes. Oh, shit. But, like, the shuttle left at 8 a.m. Which I'm not bitching about getting up early.

But then the Yak was 11. And then you had to wait for a car to take you back. And that was long. It was a lot of moving back and forth. And the Ubers there take a long time to get. Yeah. And looking at the schedule, I was like, oh, this is going to be a little bit more low-key than L.A. was. But it was probably a little bit more non-stop. I do

I'm really glad to be back for the Yak. It felt like the Yak there was just kind of like you know it was a little bit more casual. Like a different show. Yeah. I was watching. Yeah. So it feels good to be back. Scottsdale was awesome. Yeah. The Barstool Bar is really cool. Oh yeah. Huge.

It looks huge. It's like two floors right? Yeah. Yeah it looked cool. Yeah Sansom last night was a lot of fun the barstool bar in philly um tommy pope and like those comedians were there like are you garbage and whatever and i kept bumming cigarette i kept running upstairs and bumming cigarettes off them all night and being like you guys are so talented and like that's on my scaries list they were tommy pope and and uh and foley were in a super bowl commercial yeah i had like a local commercial was that like i didn't see it i don't know very out of nowhere i was like but i've also apparently that was it might have been old too i don't know no no i saw them posted about it on their instagram

okay it was like a big reveal kind of thing. I missed it. That was crazy. I can't remember a single commercial. There was not really any good ones. The only funny one was the one with the dad. The Jesus one was dope. I'm going to be honest. Yeah, the Jesus one got me.

Those are on like every week though. Oh, you've seen those? I haven't seen those. I haven't. That's my first time watching cable win forever. Yeah, the Jesus commercials are, they're on a lot. He's got the bag to be able to spend on that. Yeah.

I think it was a sick commercial. They don't got to pay taxes. Yeah. You got to have that extra money for your Super Bowl commercials. Come. It's passing the loop. I thought it was going to be like a political commercial because it started with like the unrest of the guy and the cop.

I was going to be a happy commercial. Whoever's behind this unrest of the guy and the cop. Whoever is behind this commercial is going to get fucking crucified. And I was... You were so right. I was right. I was a little late. I was a little late. How was your week, Kyle?

Oh yeah, good question. What? Good question because I don't know if you know yeah it was good um tried to get back into drinking i just don't have i don't have it i don't have it i didn't think you i didn't see you at all like very drunk exactly because i kept stopping myself oh i uh i i uh went out i met some friends from columbus uh one night that moved out lived out in scottsdale and i met our oldest fan sam sam you old douchebag you old ass motherfucker oh he's old yeah and i told him i'd shout him out okay how old was he probably like 60 60. But he looked like shit.

That's nice. His son got him into the yak and now watches the yak without his son. I was walking here past the West Forth basketball court and this old guy told me to come over and he asked for a pick. And I was like, all right. But in the sense... On the basketball court? Did you go set one?

In the sense that he said he was doing me a favor he was like hey don't don't you want to pick with me I'm Messiah George so I took a picture with him and he said now you have to send it to me I did hey let me see the picture can you send it to TJ what the fuck dude how does it shit like this happens to you so much a lot lot. A lot. Messiah George. Made me follow him on Instagram. Didn't follow back. The picture I sent to him is on scene.

What's his? I said, great meeting you. I guess he's a tricks. He does something with basketball. Wait, can you, was that your Uber driver that had the fun fact on his profile that you sent us? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Send that to TJ, too. You know Uber drivers have their profiles?

I never look at it. No. I only check it. I checked it for the first time in Arizona because we got into an Uber. The guy had the stinkiest car. I wanted to see if anybody had written about his stinky car. Yeah, yeah. Nobody. No one?

No. The fresh stink. A stinky car? A stinky, stinky car. What car? Uber. My Uber driver. A stinky car? A stinky, stinky car. What car? Uber. My Uber driver. Oh, that you got into.

It was stinky. I was in an Uber yesterday, and this dude kept on doing this thing where he would make this noise with his mouth. He would go, and I was like the angriest I've ever been in my entire life. I was like, dude, I'm about to fucking roll out of this car on the highway. Mouth noises will set off a very deep... I had my headphones up all the way, but I could just still hear it. Yeah, that would piss me off.

I was like, oh, stop, please. You want to get Francis in? Yeah. Let's get Julio in here, too. I was with Julio all weekend. Oh, yeah? I bet you that was awesome. He's cool.

Yeah, I had a ton of shows this week. Francis! Francis! Yeah, no, no, no. You have to blow the floor there. Alright, you're on. Okay, yeah. Put it off for a little bit. Yeah. Hang out.

No, no, no. Come hang out. Big Cat said, I'm out, Rones out, Brands out, you gotta get Francis. I know. out yeah no no no big cat said i'm out rones out brands all you got to get francis or he's i know i wish i could you know me i love any chance to be on the act but um alas my my team is waiting i'll let him you're recording oops right now i was on that show for three and a half minutes once they say hi to the boys for us i have to take a quick phone call. I'm sorry. Uh-oh. One-fourth of the show is gone. Oh, is that him, Kyle?

Why'd you listen to him when he said come over? I don't know. I trust humans. Can we look him up? Yes. Messiah George. And does he have a big following? No. Not at all.

Not at all. He's a fraud. George Papoutsis with Greek flag emoji. Yeah, I don't think he needs that to tell us. Messiah George. Oh, preview of the man on the street. So I'll be right back, but I have to make sure. I thought this was the last bite call.

It's probably going to be the most cringeworthy no, that's coming soon thing that I've ever seen, so hold on. I'll be back. Sorry. Alright. Okay. The real George Messiah. That dude in the picture is just another dude that he made take a picture of. Yeah, I think he does that. I think that's how he grows. Old account hacked at 94k?

I bet you every single follower was from the old school way of just telling people to follow him. With over 100 million views. Is that Fat Joe? Is that? No. That might be Fat Joe.

Can we see some of his trick shots? Is he a trick shot guy? I guess. I don't know. He's a trick shot maker. Yeah, right there. 1v1 boss. Yeah, I don't think he does.

Motivational. The Footprints Media Group. I like his highlighted stories. Just pictures. See if he's any good. He's a trick shot. Just pictures. Just just pictures of wait go to the picture before that he doesn't do the video no the post before that i'm sorry okay here's a vid all right okay not a trick shot He just made two free throws. Yeah, yeah.

Messiah. Messiah. Who's he playing, dude? He's playing actors. He's got Craigslist. He's filthy. He's awesome. Okay, his handles are all right. He's filthy. He's awesome. Okay, his handles are alright.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'm with it. He's not bad. Yeah. Pretty good. How old do you think he is? Like 75.

30. That's how the Greeks age. Wait, I love this guy oh it's called the cage yeah who's filming this why are they in the corner of that jordan george kb are we gonna see you in one of these videos out of nowhere no go up he has a story posted can we see if you're in his story oh maybe that'd be sick don't you uh-oh he's really wait a minute he's making all these people do it come on no oh no it's no you'll be in it later today

yeah but he was like yeah aren't you gonna ask me for a picture he does that that's his move that's awesome smart i like well he forgot he doesn't know the internet you can promote on the internet oh look at that drawing of him got fan art unless that's like a wanted poster thank you for the portrait all right all right we got to talk about this i know biases are at play but i'm gonna say best of the funniest of the year, top five of the past two years. Honestly, without knowing who he is,

if I would have just saw the video of a random guy doing this, it still would be top five. Funniest. Yes. Oh, Mincy? Yes. It is the perfect comedic video that I've seen in a while. Ever.

I was in tears. Start to finish, the camera work. Yep. I was scrolling back. I couldn't sleep. It was like a weeknight, was it? Or Friday night? It was Friday night that one night.

It was like one in the morning and I couldn't sleep. So I was scrolling Twitter. I was alone in my room in my bed and I was laughing out loud so hard. I had tears streaming down my face and I watched it like ten times in watched it the first time with no audio a reveal there's no funnier reveal in the world yep the pan over yep the way the styrofoam too you know the way it like sucks to people kind of it was like sucking right down onto this guy's back I like the one that was on his lip stuff for a while too I've looked at every single individual styrofoam piece. I've rewatched it and just followed a different one.

I think the way he powered through it too, you can see in his face when he realizes like. When is it? First of all, tight, tight. Yeah,

that's the first funny, first funny part. Squeezing him. Oh man, that's tight. All right. All right. Ripping it side.

Okay, no, that's a good start to opening the box. All right, here is where. This is the first. Pause,

pause. Just. Pause, pause. Just... Everywhere. He's had to have manipulated something like that before. Had to have. It's the messiest item in the world. But like, it doesn't break that easily. No, he really had to.

He squeezed hard. Rip on it. Explode. This is trainers. You should be proud. Yes, my God. But he doesn't put any of the garbage on the ground. Could have just let go of that.

And he rips the head off of the box. He pulls it out by the head. Okay. It feels like it was years ago. I've watched it so much. And it's blowing to his east so much. We know where that's going. We do, Reza.

But at the time, you didn't know where that was. Look at this. Even how he tries to manipulate this. He tries his chin for a little bit. No. He takes out the decapitated... This is insane.

He doesn't acknowledge it's broken. There's a YouTube account that shows indigenous tribesmen videos and stuff for the first time. I need them to show them this. I mean, you can give an indigenous tribesman a bobblehead in one of those styrofoam casings and they would figure that out. They'll figure it out. Yes. I just love that he powered through and i loved seeing the styrofoam go

completely sideways because it was like static electricity sucking onto that other guy it's the most unbelievable video and i don't even know as somebody who's you know all of our jobs is really like trying to be funny trying to make funny stuff it was a little disheartening that how he did it with ease oh yeah everything about it and like what was the original intent of the video just to show a bobblehead to show a bobblehead millions of views yeah bobblehead yep yeah Yeah. Found his niche. It was crazy. Yeah.

I mean, the head is, it's like not even off. It's like four inches away from the body. He never acknowledges that. No. He thinks the video could still be saved. Yeah, I know.

It's so far off of the body. He never takes the bag off of it. It's completely removed. The whole point of the video was He never takes the bag off of it. It's completely removed. The whole point of the video was to review the bobblehead. He never even gets to it. He doesn't even know what the bobblehead looks like. He never takes it out. It's so good.

He never shows the bobblehead. He completely dehumanizes the man that he's pouring shreds of residue on. Then he says it's better to ask for forgiveness and never says sorry. He never acknowledges that specific man. He just says, oh, these Pelican fans, they might not like me right now. No, it's one guy that you're just spilling onto. Completely dehumanizing him. In expensive-ass seats, no less.

Yeah. He could have said hey sorry buddy yeah well it's better to ask for forgiveness 2.1 million views john rich did a tweet he's like i should just quit now because i couldn't orchestrate something as fidelberg had a little bit of like a uh you know everybody everybody that does comedy is just like, oh, fuck. Yeah. Did you guys see that video of the little girl sitting next to LeBron? No. You didn't? No. It's hilarious. I don't know if I can find it.

I can try and find it. There's this interview with this little girl who LeBron sits right next to her. I don't want to spoil the video, but it is... At the Super Bowl? No, at a lakers game but he's not playing i'll try and find it it's extremely funny yeah oh man kate how does the video look i don't know yeah i thought it was going to come through

sooner but i'm waiting for it now are there nerves? I hate watching the first cut of something I did because I usually, I hate watching or hearing my voice. And you have to almost, you have to watch that first rough cut just to give notes and feedback. But I'll scrub through. I'm not very,

I'm not very good at doing that. Well, I know, I know when I'm being annoying. Like I had enough drinks last night that I, there was a point where i was trying to be funny but i was screaming at ria about the jacket she wore to an extent where i could tell it was annoying and people were annoyed yes and then so i started screaming even

louder and i was like now you're like fucking crazy annoying and i couldn't stop and i have scares about that is it going to be in the video yeah now okay i don't know i'm not trying to peep over onto your desk you have a list of scaries yes i have a list oh you that are bothering me document it i wrote it on the train of things that were bothering me sometimes i write my scaries down um but yeah yelling at ria was one i used to do that but i would do that when i was drunk really i did i would only yeah i would only log negative periods of my life and i realized that's not good for you do switch to positive

yeah i was in the lobby in my pajamas last night um uh yeah there's a lot so i'm about to go watch it now but i just remember screaming into the mic being like this is failing and i that was me in houston that's why I went sober. Oh my God. That's the only reason, yeah. So anyway, I'm going to go watch this and I'm probably going to hate myself.

I know that people are going to watch it and be like, who the fuck is this annoying... So I'm really looking forward to it. Okay, I'll be back. During the time in Houston, Kyle, while we were filming, I was like,

damn, KB's crushing. I might not even be in this video. I really, I genuinely was like, this is this is why they pay this is why they flew him out to this how she's feeling is exactly how i felt after houston and after um kansas and after la even everyone we've done yeah the la one was super funny though i really was yeah i loved the other that one was yeah. That was like the perfect storm. Because that's why, that was us actually doing like a comedy video. Right.

The rest were just us partying with fans, just like screaming. Yeah. Yeah, you almost have to like think of like an approach you want to take with it. That's the way it's more fun, I think. Yeah. Yeah, than just having nothing planned. Yeah's more fun, I think. Yeah. Yeah, than just having nothing planned. Yeah.

Just hoping to get something. Yeah. Like, going into Kansas, I think we just got a little too banged up and, Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. My, my only plan was to kiss a man. That was the only thing I had, like, written down. I kissed a fella.

Yeah. An old man. That was, but, yeah. That was the only thing I had written down. I kissed a fella. Yeah. An old man. That was the only thing I had planned. Huh. That's usually the only thing I plan for every video.

Yeah. You're right. Today, Zenning Sponsor had, I think I had every single flavor while I was in Arizona. Oh. Of High Noon. Hold up. High Noon is a hard seltzer made with real vodka, real juice, and sparkling water. It's actually made with vodka, not with malt like other hard seltzers.

And they now have big cans. How many milliliters in the big cans, Sass? Milliliters? Yeah. Oh, I have no idea. Give me a number. I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have to guess. I want to guess. I want to guess. Everybody on a number. I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You just have to guess. I want to guess. I don't want to. I don't want to. I don't want to. You might be very wrong. No, we'll be very wrong. It's called the Big Can.

Capital B. I don't know. 100? 700. Somebody clip that. Show up. Dumb sass. But they have the big cans of peach and pineapple now.

My favorite flavor, you guys know. Grapefruit. Die for the grapefruit, Kyle. I actually like passion fruit the best. No kidding. Yeah. Cool. Only 100 calories, gluten-free, no added sugar.

High Noon full-time flavors are pineapple, black cherry, watermelon, grapefruit, lime, peach, mango, passion fruit, and lemon. Limited edition flavors are pear and cranberry in the tailgate pack and kiwi and guava in the pool pack. If you guys had to ask High Noon, what's the next flavor they should make what would you say the raspberry bro i'd say bubble gum what i'm on drizzly i'm not vastly against i'm not crazy against that look for them uh on drizzly at your local convenience store or visit high noon spirits dot com to find it near bubble. Bubble gum liquor, maybe?

Yeah, bubble, no, I think bubble gum high noon would be absolutely perfect. Any flavor of high noon would be absolutely perfect. They nailed the watermelon, which makes me think they would nail the blue raspberry as well. Or the bubble gum. Those are the two best flavors. How would you describe bubble gum flavor to somebody who's never had it? Bubble gum. Medicine.

I'd say pink. Ugh. I don't know. You said medicine medicine and you ughed my pink? No, I was thinking about the medicine. I was ugh-ing myself. I just don't like bubble gum. It's not that good. It's not.

It's like the original flavor. Yeah. They were like, look, we've made a flavor. What was the last new flavor to come out? Was it bubble gum? The newest flavor? It's the newest flavor in the world. You know what's an underrated flavor is green apple. I hate it.

I love it. I don't like it as a flavor. It's too much. I hate it. I love it. Too much going on. Even the apple itself, the Granny Smith, it's too sweet. Yeah, but the green apple does not taste like an apple.

No. I like blue raspberry Yeah, but the green apple does not taste like an apple. No. I like blue raspberry, watermelon, and green apple. I'm thinking of Jolly Ranchers. I had Jolly Ranchers last night, and I enjoyed the grape the most. Really? What the hell is happening to me, man? I had Jolly Ranchers last night. Oh.

Very tasty. Tasted exactly like Jolly Ranchers. I want to figure out. It might be because they were Jolly Ranchers. I want to figure out. It might be because they were Jolly Ranchers. Maybe so. Did you find that LeBron video? Oh, God. There he is.

I couldn't tell what was wrong with this photo. Wait. What's going on? Yeah. Wait. Is this an edit? Yeah, that's an edit. Wait, wait.

Go back. Oh. Yeah, that's an edit. Wait, wait, go back. Oh. Yeah, there's just soldiers behind him. Yeah, what did you think? I couldn't tell. You need glasses so bad, dude. You're refusing. I thought you were joking.

I thought so, too. No, he just can't see it. Damn. Damn, B. What did you do with your week off? I just did stand-up, like, every night. How'd it go? No week off at all. Yeah, it wasn with your week off i just did stand up like every night how'd it go not no week i was good yeah it wasn't yeah i had uh like i had a lot i had like like during the week i would

have like one show which was fine but then on friday and saturday i would have like a 7 45 show and then like a 1 a.m oh so you just had that time in between yeah it's still it's weird you didn't have any blogs put up yeah but uh it was good i had boston last weekend and then i went home for a couple days chilled and then i went to new york you had six sold out shows five and then you you were texting us from one that you you got into it with the audience yeah i mean it was just there was one show it was the late show on friday where everyone was like hammered which is like it's it's it's weird it's a weird feeling because like in your head you're like this sucks but then in a lot of their heads this is a fucking yeah we're like we're at a party right yeah yeah but so it's like if they have fun i don't care so they went home and they were like yeah that was awesome he crushed some

people were some people were like the audience sucked, but it was still funny. Like, I think I still did well, but it was just like, I don't know. It's just annoying when there's like one person who like won't shut the fuck up and they like think they're like helping. Yeah. It's like, you know, you're ruining the show. They front row. There was like two people.

Some people got thrown out. Little woman. Then they know two dudes got thrown up before I even went up. What? Yeah. Yeah. And they, like, some dude DM'd me, like, apologizing. Did Mook toss him? No, my buddy Derek did.

Oh, wow. Yeah, I was a little worried because he's, like, an ex-con, and I was like, he's going to murder them. Your boy Derek's an ex-con? Yeah. Oh, you, yeah. Is he a comedian? Yeah.

Oh, cool. He's funny. Yeah, he probably has a lot of experiences. Yeah, he's, like, 40-something. Oh. Yeah. Sick. And you were a lot of experiences. Yeah, he's like 40-something. Oh, sick. And you were at the club that me and Kyle weren't allowed to be at. Yeah, they talked about it. They brought it up.

They called it Tomato Gate. Swear to God. That's actually crazy. I swear to God. Dude, it was crazy. Wait, sorry. I haven't seen you guys in like two weeks. No, you haven't.

This was nuts, dude. So we go into the green room Before the first show Thursday We go into the green room We're sitting there The manager keeps coming back Asking us questions about the weekend Getting all the information clear And then the owner comes back

The lady She's the one that yelled at you guys apparently She comes back and she just starts holding court She walks in Paces around for a second And comes back and she just starts like holding court. Like she walks in, paces around for a second and then like stops and everyone just goes silent. And she's like,

so the tomatoes. We will not be having any tomatoes thrown this weekend, will we? But she didn't stop there. She wanted you to like make sure there was no tomatoes.

They wanted me to do a post. To say, please don't bring tomatoes but i feel like that would do the opposite of strides and effecting tomatoes i got a call on the train ride down and they were like so i just got a weird call from who did you get a call from my manager he's like i just got a weird call and i was like oh really i thought the shows were gonna i thought the shows were canceled i was like oh fuck i guess i'm turning around and he was like yeah apparently something with like tomatoes happened last time

you guys were there and i was like well i wasn't there yeah they called it tomato gate and they said they had to replace eight of the panels which we have the footage and it yeah um like any hit that is the type of behavior that i would feel gross and weird about, but it didn't cause any visible damage. No, and then she said... I mean, maybe they did. Maybe there was tomato juice. Yeah. Like seeds that...

She goes, they brought the seedy kind. She said that? Yeah. Like seeds were all over the panels. That was actually a conscious decision by us. We thought the seedy ones would hurt less. What are the seedy tomatoes? No, no. We went to Whole Foods and we would the seedy ones would hurt less what are the seedy tomatoes no no we we went to whole foods and we got this we got the seed extra seedy yeah but there was no tomatoes

luckily i was getting worried because people would dm us be like got a ripe tomato yeah and i was like dude this is gonna fuck over the whole weekend and then i just saw you betray us because then you did like a whole like Q&A on their Instagram. Just like, I love it. I love coming here. Did I say that? Nobody treats me better. I don't know.

That was your body language. Yeah. The craziest place I ever performed? Probably a gym. Wait, did you say that? I think I did. Yeah, I know he did. It was.

It was the weirdest place I ever performed. You did? No, but I was like, you're just like my good friend. And I saw that. I was like, damn, if I saw this, I'd be like, I was like, yeah, Sass is big time. Like just doing this Q&A and just. No, I did perform at a gym, though.

It was weird because like the floors were all squishy. Weird, why? I was at a squishy gym. It was like it was actually my friend Derek, his gym. He runs a gym called Con Body. It's all like body weight. That's like his thing. Yeah, it's all like body weight stuff.

And he runs a show there out of it. And there's like a big ass mirror. It's like, you know how like a gym, like the wall is a mirror? You're like looking at yourself the entire time. It's really weird. I feel like some stand-up guys they uh they kind of fetishize like the struggle aspect and they kind of do it oh yeah yeah well yeah because when you started people hated you just because they were just like he's doing this

oh yeah you were you were never poor yeah yeah yeah yeah i don't know he'll never be funny it is a lot I mean a ton of comedians like were like dirt poor yeah I don't know what can you do I think they almost won it I don't think they want it but I think they like glamorize it like yeah what I did which I understand oh yeah if they're like super successful now. But everybody, I think every person wishes they grew up in squalor. Yeah. Just so they can be like, I grew up and like, look how bad I had it. I don't know. Shit. It was a fun week off though.

And I'm happy to be back. The poor kids back home are the least funny people that's a misconception yeah yeah they don't yeah they kind of lack they kind of struggle in all categories yeah they weren't athletic no no that's a that's a they all one of them has a limp yeah for requirements there yeah they weren't athletic they has a limp. Yeah. For requirements there. Yeah. They weren't athletic. They have a limp at like 13. Yeah.

Yeah, they do. They get limps very early. Like 80 years early. There's one kid I grew up with who had a limp. He had a limp. Yeah. Kid would shuffle through the hallway. Oh, dude.

Our hallways Were terrifying Yeah Yeah Were you a wanderer You were definitely A big wanderer During class

Go to the bathroom Come back No I was actually I was a Scared I was scared I was scared I was afraid

Of getting in trouble I would wander Around the whole school I would never Hours I would never I would go I would like get

I wouldn't even go To a locker in between classes. I carried all my books. Oh, really? Yeah. You were a big backpack guy? Oversized backpack? I wasn't oversized, but I had an L.L. Bean backpack that just said name here on it. Oh, yeah.

That's funny. It was like lime green. Yeah. But I like hated, I didn't want anybody to like notice me. I was like, I was super lime green Yeah But I like hated I didn't want anybody To like notice me I was like I was super shy Yeah I was like headphones

In the hallway Kind of person I think that was like Not a lot of people Did that in high school Everyone would walk around And talk We weren't allowed

I don't think I just kept my head down Walked In middle school We weren't allowed To carry around our backpacks because they thought kids were going to throw them over the balcony. You had a balcony to a lower level or something? Yeah.

Did you have to have the wheelie backpacks? No, no. There was one kid who had a wheelie backpack, and I think he transferred. Yeah. Our wheelie backpack kid transferred too. Who was that? Franklin. Franklin?

Yeah. He was only there for a year. I wouldn't remember him. he was in my grade when did you get a smartphone for the first time uh i was a it was the end of my freshman year of high school really i was a senior in high school high school yeah i remember i took it out and i had the first iphone oh really yeah and i like tried to vlog myself walking through school and i one of the teachers told me to put it away and i i told her what was the the jersey video like the douchebag who would who would gel his hair up and um do the parody video the? Yeah. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah.

He said bro. Did he say bro a lot or like protein and the. Yeah. Whatever. I tried to mimic him. What did you say? So unlike me. Yeah.

I just said something to the teacher like not now or like. Yeah. What was it? You need to tell Sass about you getting a little too high do i i guess sure i'd like to hear it it happened again yeah yeah what happened it happened again too high and you you know you know you're just too high but there's a part of your brain that thinks maybe this is something else at play and that one that percentage just it grows and grows and you latch on to it in your mind and you think,

well, maybe I am. Maybe I am dying. Yeah, yeah. It's a terrible feeling. So is there any proof of that night? Yeah, there is. I didn't get it. No, I didn't. Luckily. You made somebody document him for case studies.

No way, really? And the camera person was talking and Kyle goes goes you're not the star of this show also you're the cameraman that's hilarious mean that was so random shit i am what like a random my girlfriend oh she was genuinely concerned she's like are you okay and he's like you're not the star of this show you're the cameraman told me even like she had the same phenomenon where she was like there's a part of me that didn't know maybe that was laced or maybe and she was like googling and frantically like trying to figure out what to do call an ambulance you didn't want

her to talk you wanted to be i wanted to be the star of the show that's how yeah because you thought they'd play this in like i knew yeah in yeah. In the back of my mind. Yeah. Like your funeral? No, he thought they'd play it in like case studies or like a court. Yeah. That's crazy. Damn, what did you smoke? It was... It was Baby Jeter? It was just Baby Jeter, yeah.

Damn, Baby Jeter. Shit's strong. Yeah. Shit's dangerous. Okay, are you in the same clothing that you were wearing for the video? I was wondering if those are the piss pants. No, they're not. Okay.

But you put the wet shoes back on. Wet shoes are still on? Wet shoes. Why? These are my pajama socks. These aren't regular people's socks. They're like big, fuzzy, enormous. You have pajama socks?

I don't like to be barefoot at night. Come on, man. I have pajama socks. I don't go barefoot, like, ever. I'm like a never nude but with bare feet Why'd you put the wet shoes back on? I don't have any other shoes Kate

Are you serious? You bring more than one pair of shoes Wait where'd you sleep last night? Hotel Oh I thought you went home No no I came right here from Philly I took the train right here So I haven't had a chance yet.

Also forgot to pack underwear. You got piss underwear on. No, I'm just... Mando. Oh. Oh. Girls can do that? Yeah. I feel like girls don't really need to wear underwear.

Sound like George Lucas. He convinced Princess Leia to not wear underwear. Yeah, a bra, right? It's just like, there's no underwear in space. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a direct quote.

You could have said that for everything. That's hilarious. That's crazy. What's that super city in the Star Wars universe? Cloud City or like... It's a mega city.

It begins with a C. I'm not... I wouldn't know. I'm going to grab Bob Fox. Why? I'm just wondering. It's cool. It's cool to imagine.

It's cool to imagine the maximum limits of a city. You should watch Dread. D-R-E-D-D. What's that uh about a mega city like if new york became a mega well yeah i watched some videos and they say like the limit is like it could be up to 300 million one day for a metro area well did you see that one city they're trying to build in the desert of like not gonna work never does you know what i'm talking about though the one where they want it to be one building that's like 15 miles long yeah yeah and the whole city is just one thin little strip that's like 50 feet across but then like i feel like 50 miles long or some shit like that there's gonna be gonna have one train line

that zips inside out and like the gardens and everything it's in the middle of the desert or in the middle of it and then it's mirrors on either side so it's not like so it's invisible i don't know if you can google it but like super long so i don't know what you google to find it but they're like actually starting to build the foundation for it like they're really going to do it i would say the most depressing place we've ever been was the city that everybody lives in the same building in alaska oh, yeah. That seems awful. Oh, and I didn't know this. Like two months ago, there was a video on that same place that we went to with like

8 million views. No kidding. Yeah. All right. I didn't watch it. Mincy do it? Yeah. Yeah.

Mincy opened a bobblehead there. It's so good. Did you guys see the new fake video, fake city video that came out this weekend? bobblehead there. It's so good. Did you guys see the new fake video, fake city video that came out this weekend? Oh, no. No. But in what way? Another fake city? Oh. I think people just don't know. This is confirmed fake.

This is, what am I looking at then? Oh, it's confirmed fake? Oh, this is a render. Okay, I could tell. See, this is exactly what that other video was. I could tell. Yeah. See, this is exactly what that other video was. I can tell. That baby skull. Fuck.

This, to me, looks exactly the same as Star. I want video games to start being shitty looking again. I don't like games like this that look too good. Oh, this is a game? It's made with a game engine. So what's going on? All going on so far it's okay show more it does look very real someone just spent like years of work

just to make this one wall this one shitty wall yeah turn give me more steal the wall oh a Banksy look how real this wall looks Yeah, please move. Give me more. Come on. Check out. Still the wall. Oh, a Banksy. Look how real this wall looks.

The lighting's cool. All right. Yeah. Oh, okay. This is fake. Yeah. It's pretty cool. It looks pretty fucking good.

This is fake? Or are they just saying that it's fake to fake us? That looked very real at the end. Oh my god. Tough to say. Tough to say. I'd upload my consciousness to that. Yeah.

I was rewatching Black Mirror. Yeah? Very good. It scared me too much. I know. I only ever saw the episode with the robot dogs. Yeah. Very good. It scared me too much. I know. I only ever saw the episode with the robot dogs. Yeah. That one freaked me out.

That one was probably one of the worst ones. Really? Who knew? That show is so successful and everybody loves it and the first episode is just that guy

having to fuck a pig. Which is a phenomenal episode. Right, but it's a crazy one to start your show on. What was the premise of that? It was like the president was like, they kidnapped the princess. Was that that it was like the president was like they they kidnapped the uh

the princess was that what it was no the they with the ransom like being the prime minister has to have sex with a pig on live television whoa and he does it yeah he does wow yeah how about that i think that was part of that was he, that was he has to, he had to bust. He had to bust. He'll be damned. Was he still president after that? Yes, yes. I think you like hear it too and he's like puking and shit.

I think it ended before we got to that, yeah. Damn. Rawr! You auditioned for the pig. I did. Rawr! Is that what pigs say? I don't know. I thought they were still oink.

I thought they actually did oink. As I imagined it. Their oinks are more like their inhales, I think. But then there's... What is that? It's a good one. It's an oink. You said honk.

Yeah, it's not verbatim. It's not phonetically oink. I think it's pretty close to onomatopoeia. Honk. That sounds good. Honk. Yeah, it's not verbatim. It's not phonetically oink. I think it's pretty close to onomatopoeia. That sounds good. Something funny about doing that. Oh, man.

You guys hear that? Yeah, I did. What was that? Was that Jimmy Johnson? Hell, it might have been. Holy shit. You guys hear that? Yeah, I did. What was that? What was that? Was that Jimmy Johnson? Oh. Hell, it might have been. Holy shit. Today's episode also brought to you by NASCAR. Tune into Fox at 2.30 Eastern time on February 19th for the Daytona 500.

Marketing your calendars now. February 19th, 2.30 Eastern. 75th anniversary of NASCAR. Daytona 500 is considered the most prestigious and important race in NASCAR and has opened the NASCAR season every February since 1982. This year, Jimmy Johnson will make his NASCAR cup series return. His is,

he's coming back. It's been since 2020 and Travis Pastrana is attempting to qualify for the Daytona 500. Pastrana does it all. He really does. What? Pastrana drives cars now? Oh, he's always driven cars, but I think he's always raced.

I didn't know that. I thought he was strictly dirt bikes. He's got to be old by now. Pastrana? Wait, isn't he married to Pink? Good God. We'll get to this. Okay.

But first, let me finish talking about the Daytona 500. Absolutely. I'm about done. The Daytontona 500 is 219 remember that 2 30 p.m eastern time kate have you been to nascar races i've been to the daytona 500 and it was an absolute blast i loved it it's pre-game out of any sport plus you're at the beach, too. It's like at the beach. I roamed all around. Me and Con did one of those slingshot rides. Oh, yeah. The boardwalk that was a ton of fun. But Daytona was awesome.

The race itself was awesome. And there's nothing better than roaming the infield at a race and just seeing everybody's setups. And everybody's so nice and inviting you to party. I love it. I think Alex Bennett's going. A couple other people. Face of NASCAR. Let's see here.

39. Oh, that's it? So how long has he been doing this? Pastrana's 39. We're both in our 30s. I remember him as a toddler. Right? Right or no? You might be confusing him with... I think I was at least 7 when he came up.

Huh. So he's nine years older? Huh. Maybe not. Could have been a teen. Maybe not. Yeah, Pastrana's... He does it all.

But he's married to Pink? I think I got that wrong. She's also married to a guy who does that stuff, like BMX biking or whatever. Pastrana's first X Games gold medal was in 1999. 99. How old was he? He was a boy.

Yeah. So he was 16. Dang. Okay. 16. I was obsessed with dirt bikes and dirt bike culture and I went to go buy one in like seventh grade, my parents, and we went to the shop and I started it and I immediately fell right over and burnt my leg on the engine.

Never forgot it. Yeah, when I tried it the first time, I fell off. It was so scary. So scary. I was way more into go-karts. I didn't have either. I didn't have one either.

Oh, you were just into go-karts? Yeah, I always wanted one. That's our neighbors had like the rogue track in their backyard and it was the same thing though where it seemed really fun and then you get on it and they'd be like, just don't move your arms at all because you're gonna burn the shit out of the back of your arm like you could just burn yourself so easily and i was

always like freaked out by it too i had the fox fucking fitted with i put a fish hook on it what was that disney channel movie motocross oh yeah it got me big into i was like that's the hottest sport yeah extreme sports were always like uh something that i was into yeah because it was like that was like what you thought you were gonna be good at because you weren't good at any normal sports so you're like fuck it i'm just gonna dirt bike for yeah it's like way harder than and it's way harder and way more expensive yeah scarier and more dangerous to do it there was like that viral video the other day of the dude

on like the BMX track and he's like going like super fast and everyone's like, this is crazy. And then you look in the back and he's racing against like toddlers. You guys see this video? No.

I'm trying to think of where I saw this. Dude, I don't know why. I was just like, I'm so uncoordinated. I can't throw a football and I'm frail and I'll get hit and heartbreak. I'm going to try to grind on a bike.

That was the move for non-athletic kids. Try to become extreme sports athletes. Come on, dude. You're a fucking pussy. I thought I was going to land on your neck or put yourself in that position. I thought I was going to go to the

X Games for skiing. I remember I went to camp one summer when I was really into skiing. And I just lied to everyone. I was like, yeah, I can do a backflip. And everyone was like, damn, that's crazy. And I was like, yeah, it's not that hard. It was so easy to lie about. Yeah, because no one's ever going to see you do it.

Yeah, I don't know why I thought that was something that I would be good at. Right. And then the athletic kid picks it up once. I brought my skateboard to school. And then the athletic kid was like, let me try. Yeah. So I just do this and he was better than me. Oh, yeah. I made my mom get me a skateboard when the X Games was like a big thing.

Yeah. And it was from Kmart. It was a Kmart skateboard. All I did was I would take the trash down on it. I started dressing like a skater girl, but that's all I did. Yeah. Take the trash down on my skateboard. Be cool.

I was just so afraid to get hurt. Getting hurt sucks. It hurts. That's a sign of intelligence. Yeah. I've never been skiing ever once in my life. Yeah, no,

same. And I went snowboarding one time and I was like, not for me. I've been snow tubing a ton. That's fine. Not going, I'm not doing it. I've been snow tubing a ton. That's fine. I'm not doing it. I've never snow hoarded or skied. I'll sled.

I was watching avalanche videos the other night of these dudes who were going down like a, they went off the path, you know? It's like this group of five dudes that all of a sudden they just like disappear into the thing, but they had those beacons and it took them like two minutes to whatever and i just think uh no i'm really not yeah avalanches are scary as fuck yeah it's super scary they have those like they have those like uh like blow up things for the backpack too yeah pretty helpful i guess it just like turns into like a sled right just like sled down yeah while we were going like right? You just sled down the avalanche. Woo-hoo!

While we were going 10,000 miles per hour down the avalanche. Yeah. Did you see the guy who scaled the building in Phoenix? Yes. Yeah. The funniest reveal was that it was for pro-life. Yeah. I think everyone was fucking with it.

They're like, this is the coolest guy in the world. Then he stopped abortion. Yeah, he got up to the top. He's like, life is the coolest guy in the world. Then he stopped abortion. Yeah, he cut up at the top. He's like, life is valuable. What, dude? You just climbed a building. Probably worked. He probably stopped at least two.

Yeah. I would have just done it out of respect. Like, hey, I'm not going to abort this one. I bet you there was one couple that was about to fuck raw. They were like, hey, let's watch this. And they stopped an abortion from happening. I mean. Hero. about to fuck raw they were like let's watch this and they stopped an abortion from happening i mean hero i almost tweeted out because this was happening here oh you guys were on the yak that needs to be the new

that's like it comes pro-life Spider-Man. Doc Ock is like ripping babies out. Wow. Oh my God. How did he do that though? That is so frightening. And he would like take his phone out. He has his own POV.

No, he doesn't. Yeah, I saw one. Is that this weekend? Yeah, it was the first day we were there. That and someone crashed their car into our hotel, and Nick was the only one in the lobby. No way. You were there when it happened?

Oh, I was so lucky. Next year, I will have been in the lobby for the whole thing, too. Yeah, you know how that works. I was sitting in the lobby. Boom, I hear something. A car hit the hotel. This kid jumps out, jumps to the back wall by the pool, and I'm the only person in the lobby. And the woman at the front desk just looks at me.

But she kind of looked at me like she wanted me to do something. Was he on the run? It must have been. He just jumped out of the car and ran? Yeah, there it is. Boom. Hits the hotel. He jumps the back wall, runs around the pool

Walks into the lobby And the cops run in With their guns out Six cops They go in the front door, he goes in the back And then he tries to act like he blends in So he just puts his hands in his pocket, walks past the cops And they just stop

And he looks up and he's circled And they all pounce on him They drag him out of the hotel They're like, you have a warrant walks past the cops and they just stop and he looks up and he's circled and they all pounce on him. Damn. They drag him out of the hotel. They're like, you have a warrant. And then the woman at the front desk was like, there's somebody else in here too. Another one ran in. And that wasn't

true but then all the cops were searching the hotel. Damn. Then Kyle came down as he was screaming. I actually got off the elevator and slipped on some of his blood and fell. Really? Because he was bleeding. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, no. I'm just going to get him. Yeah. Wow. No, I was just like, dude, you're not going to believe what's happening in the lobby. And then I was just watching. I didn't answer you. And you came and you sat next to me.

You were like, yeah, I wouldn't believe this. That's why I'm going to keep lying about different parts. Yeah, you had to have been pissed that I saw it all. Because you said there's a scene going on in the lobby as I was getting on the elevator. So I was like, fuck, does Max have a yo-yo or something I don't want to be a part of? And then you were typing for the entire time. So I didn't know. It was worth it.

And then we went to the Scottsdale Barstool Bar, and I was the most popular guy there. What happened, Nick? Oh, yeah. That's the best for social events. Yeah. That'll take up the whole night. Oh, you haven't heard? It was crazy.

I was the only one there. That's nuts. Yeah. I don't think I've ever witnessed like a big crime like that i've witnessed uh the biggest crime i ever witnessed was when i was in cvs with my friends it was uh new year's the day after new year's or it was new year's day i guess and uh and we're sitting there checking out at the self-checkout and all of a sudden we just hear one of the like the cashiers like he's got all the candy this homeless dude turns the corner with like a clear trash bag filled with thousands of dollars of candy and

she tries to tackle him and he just shoves her out of the way and then like waddles down the street with all the candy sat he stole all of the candy like there was literally no candy left at cvs and then he just disappears on the subway and the police show Like, there was literally no candy left at CVS. And then he just disappears on the subway and the police show up and there's nothing left to do. He was definitely trying to sell the candy.

Oh, yeah. It's funnier to imagine you just wanted to eat it all. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He had this empty bag and he's like, okay, I need the food to sustain my life.

He has a treasure pile in Central Park where he hides it all. He had a comically large bag of candy. Like, it was bigger than the average trash bag. It was like two trash bags. Then if I was approached by a homeless man who was like, hey, you want this nerd's rope?

I'd be like, nah. No, no, no. I'm not going to sell any of that. Maybe he sells it to another CVS who's running low. Thank God you're here. They haven't restocked the candy. Running low on candy. So I go in to get candy and there's no candy.

I love candy. I do too. The whole inventory. I do too. Coming back. In a big way. Get Fun Dip in the kitchen. I don't like that.

I don't either. That sucks. I just like the sticks. Yeah. The sticks taste better than the dip. I'm not trying to be like, yeah. That's like a lollipop that's ten times more of a pain in the ass to eat. Yeah.

Yeah, that sucks. TJ, do you like that? Yep. Because you said you like baby bottle pops, I think. No, I just got that answer right on the dozen. Oh, my bad. Sorry. It's all good.

Oh, the dozen was nuts in Arizona. That was a... Was it fun? I'm so glad to not be in it. Yeah. Yeah. With the mini golf thing, too. Oh, yeah. oh the dozen was nuts in arizona that was a was it fun i'm so glad to not be in it yeah yeah mini golf thing too oh yeah i was so glad i'll be in it you won that kirk kirk won it yeah he's really good he was he won the other one didn't he or he came really close though i can't i beat him actually but apparently they lost the cards and decided to put me in like 20th place

yeah yeah you were in final place you were in contention on the final was about to win and then jeff ended up winning but it was me and pft well i don't i didn't know that yeah pft beat me by one and then jeff beat us both and then i was like then they like had kirk on the leaderboard and i was like well are they gonna put me up there and they're like oh it doesn't matter you're gonna change it in the video. So I went to sit and do the video, and the scorecards were all thrown away at the mini-golf event. So we had to re-watch the whole video and figure out what everybody's score was by just re-watching everything. Jesus. Yeah, that was a bummer.

You beat Kirk in the first attempt. By a lot. Oh, does he acknowledge this? No, I don't care. I just like it on record. Yeah, but I came in third the first attempt. By a lot. Oh, does he acknowledge this? No, I don't care. I just like it on record. Yeah, but I came in third. Hard third. I was in first.

Just PFTU? Yes. That's impressive. That's a competitive group. Yeah, and then they said, no, you actually came in 20th place. And guess what? You're not playing in the second game either.

I'll be damned. If you would have podiumed in the other one, maybe we would have thought about it. You know, what can you do? Just happy to be here, man. I think I got a DM from Fleming last night. It's gotta be

interesting. He DM'd me at 1am. I was asleep. I responded this morning. And he said do we know when the next Dozen live show is? When is it? And is it asleep. I responded this morning. And he said, do we know when the next dozen live show is? When is it? And is it Texas? I have no idea. I don't know.

I was like, he's got some ideas. Oh, yeah. Have you guys seen any of him? What was he up to? Oh, with the Nets and everything. Oh, I haven't seen him. Not being at the Super Bowl. Yeah, why wasn't he in Phoenix? I don't know. I thought he was, too.

That was another one where, where like all the NFL players, there's like Theo Vaughn and big comedians and NFL players being like, you know who's the best at Barstool? Frank the Tank, man. He's the best that there is. I'm like nothing that I plan out will ever be as good as just Frank being himself. Everyone I meet says, oh, what's Frank the Tank? But they always mess up his name.

People were asking me that last night. People were asking me about him. I don't know how always mess up his name. What's Frank like? Yeah. People were asking me that last night. People were asking me about him. I don't know how people mess up his name because there's nobody that's ever looked more like a Frank the Tank. Yeah. Yeah. No. Yeah.

It was. The week went by fast. For sure. You guys were missed. Yeah. I miss seeing everybody. I'm excited for the whole crew to be back. Yeah.

Yeah. I wonder how Rhodes is doing. I know. I haven't talked to him i texted him he didn't reply i texted him this morning i said how you hanging how you hanging in there sorry big bro yeah that uh the caleb drake video was so fucking good yes so far man the part about the um well the two funniest parts for me were the part where he was like, what do you refer to women as, hoes or bitches? Yeah. That part was funny. And then the part where he's like talking about the most attractive girls in the world live in Toronto.

And he's like, so did you fly them all on your jet from Miami? I like Drake asking Caleb to name a snack to see if it was on his jet. He's like, Cheez-Its. He's like, I got it. Yeah. And he like winked. He's like, uh, Cheez-Its. He was like, I got it. Yeah. And he like winked. He's like, we got Cheez-Its. And, uh, GB. Yeah. Call it Glenny GB. You're sick, GB.

Glenny giving him pushback on the... Dan Aykroyd. Yeah, on Dan Aykroyd. So I was at the hotel bar and Caleb came. I was like, holy shit, man. Hey, I didn't expect to see Caleb. He's like, dude, I'm stressing. This Sunday conversation is the longest one. I don't know if people will like it. I was like, oh, who's it with? He's like, oh, it's Drake dude I'm like I'm stressing like the Sunday conversations really like it's the longest one I don't know if people will like it I was like oh who's it with it's Drake I'm like yeah yeah a bit long man Francis told me on Thursday and my jaw dropped I was like

no I didn't find out at all I was out to dinner with him like two nights before like I wouldn't I would have left his presence if I knew he was... I would have not sat by him if I knew he was going to release it with Drake. Is that the first video that his kid has been on too? I want to see. That would be the first time. Yeah, I want to see. Drake usually only does Drake video.

Yeah, his own. Stuff, his own team's video. Yeah, he has one interview and it's literally his team put it out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I was shocked to see that. One long like one he was really cute too that was that was cute that's cute so his son looks european he's got that curly oh and the part where he's like he's like a lot of girls want to have your baby and he's like why don't they just adopt that part it was so funny all the way

through really funny i went by fast yeah don't stress if your video is too long if it's drake yeah i wonder if that will do better than the hasbulla one hasbulla has uh it's like 13 million i think it will yeah i think it will too because there's also no like you don't have to read it. Yeah, you're right. Wow. Kyle, there was that whole dinner controversy. You came out like a bandit from that dinner with Dave. Oh, yeah. Very lucky, yeah. So wait, people just got up before the dinner was over?

People just stood up and walked away and never came back? That was... Yes, yes. Okay. I don't know what the etiquette... I knew that I should have stayed but it was it was going on for a while it was like three three and a half hours maybe oh you stayed did yeah yeah that is long during a long week long time yeah it was awesome to pretend to like

clown them like just trash them with Dave and like Dave was agreeing with you know I was agreeing with Dave and it felt good it has to feel good I just imagine you

with like your arms crossed like looking over there I was like scoffing like how stupid are they everyone everyone who stayed was talking about how stupid they were

yeah and like how we couldn't believe it that must have felt so good. It was the best feeling in the world. Who stayed? Me, Riggs,

not Brandon, Jeff, Spider, Frankie, yeah, there was a bunch of people. $9,000 dinner. What were you guys eating? Nothing that I ordered. it was just common um damn oh man um all right anything else to talk about boys and girls i don't think so i was handed a package addressed to me that's clearly for you and Kyle, if you want it. Oh, yeah. Yes.

Love a package. So I'm trying to get 200 knives by the end of the year. And so I think some dudes are going to start sending me blades to the office. My son found a knife in the park over the weekend. All right. You let him keep it? It's like a kitchen knife. It was like that video where the kids run around the pool and she's like, what do you have? And he's like, a knife.

It's a knife. This could be a knife. No, this is definitely going to be a card. Is it going to be Pokey Reese? A guy handed me a Reese at the dozen. And for that guy, the Pokey Reese is on my Reese shelf. What, might another Reese? It's cute

packaging, too. Valentine's Day tomorrow. Halloween mania! Halloween mania! We were there over the weekend. You were there? He was having a time of his life. He was, yep. They have all their dinos out, and we stop by often.

CJ, what makes you think this was clearly for me and Kyle? Because I opened it. Ah, it's two Poke Reeses. Two? Well, which one do you want? Both autoed. Oh, they're both autoed? Is there a little letter? Do you have a reason?

I Oh, one for KB, number one. One for KB, one for Nick from Emerson. He sent the Rui PSA 10 to you. Thanks, Emerson. Oh, thank you, man. An X. You Nick from Emerson. He sent the Rui PSA 10 to you. Thanks, Emerson. Oh, thank you, man. An X. You too, Emerson.

Kyle, which one? You want the Donruss signature? Or the... Well, this one says Calvin Reese. This says Calvin Reese? That's his name. No, I'll take the Pokey Reese. Calvin. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Alright.

I'm gonna have to get a bigger Reese shelf. Yeah. Are you guys doing anything special tomorrow? Valentine's Day? Nope. No. Okay, okay. Yeah.

Alright. No. I have a cold. I might miss a day Okay Okay Yeah Alright No No I have a cold I might I might miss a day this week Yeah I'm sleepy Yeah

No I'm not gonna miss tomorrow though Did you guys spin the wheel already? Oh fuck Oh yeah yeah Just throw that out there I was dry all week We were You and I were both dry all week

TJ got butt fucked I deserved it For what? I don't know dry all week. We were, you and I were both dry all week. TJ got butt fucked. I deserved it. For what? I don't know. Dry. As simple as that, folks. There you go.

Anything else to add? Anybody? I, just for the sake of my scaries, I watched the video. God cameraman booze who did an amazing job i am it's not me being like oh i'm gonna shit on myself so people are like no it's not that bad it was it's tough uh it's just me screaming into the microphone and i'm doing that fake philly accent they're like are you going to put it out yeah i think people are warned yeah i'm just warning you just know i why don't you throw in a little psa in the beginning i should yeah i think i'll make it funny like please know that i know that what you're about to watch is is

obnoxious uh but just know that i know that if you happen to watch it. But please watch it because I need Dominique's back. Don't have a lot going on for me. Okay, I just had to get that off my chest. How many times did you say sorry to booze while filming? Constantly. Constantly. Pretty much every time we moved on from the next part, I'd be like, sorry about that one.

Sorry about that one. Yeah, it's a tough watch. I'm'm just screaming I'm screaming into the microphone like this is that was tough to watch when's it coming out I have no idea so like I guess this afternoon um I'm gonna be refreshing the feed yeah keep refreshing that feed wait if it drops while we're on yeah i think no the music they tried to use got uh nixed so they're trying to work that out right now but okay anyway so there's that oh this is kyle's uber driver okay oh this is the okay all right the reveal when he pulled up and i saw his side profile, I was cracking up in his car because this guy had, well, he says it himself. Yeah, and it was so true.

Fun fact, my big nose. You can't tell from his picture, but as soon as, it was so fucking big. And you could tell he knew what I was doing. I tried to sneak a picture, couldn't. Oh. Yeah, couldn't. Yeah, big nose. What did you say in the text message chain? You were just like... Yeah, it was so much bigger than that.

This was in Phoenix? Yeah. Like, how big? It looked like one of those fake prosthetics that looked too fake. Like when Macklemore did that face when he was being Jewish, yeah. It was cool. It was a treat.

Wow. Leave it at that. At least he's owning it, you know? I feel like you have to. You gotta accept it. Oh, man. His fun fact is his big nose. I always screenshot the international people

trying to fill out those Uber bios because they always have a lot of mistakes. Yeah. They don't know. You're a monster. Any other good ones? I have a collection. What else do you have?

I have some good ones. I need to start checking. None of the answers are contextually appropriate with the prompts. Yeah. It's good. It's good. Any fun facts? Yeah, you're looking at it.

He was right. It was factually big. All right. All right. Let's see. Yeah, we'll see you at Full House tomorrow? Maybe?

Valentine's Day, a special... Oh, yeah. Special episode. Special Valentine's Day. Oh. Yeah. A little late to spring it

on us now. Yeah. Everyone have something really fancy prepared for tomorrow. Okay Valentine's. Oh. Yeah. A little late to spring it on us now. Yeah. Everyone have something really fancy prepared for tomorrow. Okay. Yeah. Okay. See ya. Peace.

Peace. Peace. Outro Music Good to be back. Shout out to Amanda Brennan and Scarlett. Bye.