The Yak - KB Wants to Roast an Imaginary Person | The Yak 2-16-23

Episode Date: February 16, 2023

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Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Yo, TJ, hold that up. I have a question. Oh, you were doing it. I thought you weren't going to do it. Sorry. Go ahead. I got nothing.

In the intro. A train here, and a Spanish guy showed me his phone, and it was just a picture of Penn Station. He was asking me how to get there. Oh, really? Did you lead him there? I just told him in English, and he said, no, no, no, no. So then I mouthed the words, which made it way worse. I didn't know what to do.

What do you do in that situation? Say it louder. I thought you did a good job, weren't you? Didn't you say like three stops? Yeah, I finally got to it. Yeah. We were together, by the way. So why didn't you talk to the Spanish guy? You're bi.

I stood up in case any pregnant women or anything wanted to sit down. Noble. Very noble. Yep. Damn, so you communicated to the man. You thought he did good? I wasn't paying attention. All I heard was him looking at him go three stops.

Three. Trace. Trace, that would work too. In the intro, is the farter anonymous? I think it's Jerry. You think it's Jerry? The farter's the only person we don't see their face. So check it out.

See everybody else and I don't know that we know who the farter is. It's just an ass. That's Jerry. Jerry. He's very sweaty. Is that the actual fart sound?

It must be from one of the farts on the front wheel. You should have chat GPT script the show. What the fuck? Wait, did you overhear Kate? What? She just pitched that. She asked how, she asked, talk to me about it this morning. I want to add it to the wheel.

What is a fully scripted show? We feed one of those apps that like you, because people can, like I gave a thousand scripts of Seinfeld to this computer bot and it wrote a new Seinfeld script. I want to submit a bunch of episodes of the Yak to one of these computer bots,

I don't know the terms, and have it spit out a script that we have to do a scripted yak based off what a computer thinks the yak is. Does that mean we have to transcribe the yak to feed it, or do we just show it to video? I don't know. What do we feed them?

I was hoping TJ would know what to do. I think at this point it's smart enough for you if you just said, like, take the Barstool Sports Show, the yak, and create an episode based on it or something like that it would figure it out can we try it right now they're that good yeah let's try how to get on chat gbt oh there's a website but yeah i think it would be really fun to do a scripted it would be dope generated scripted episode and parallel thinking i know that's crazy you know it's a good good, maybe. It could be terrible.

There's a really good point on the prep sheet today. What is your most regrettable video or piece of content at Barstool? Oh, man. Jesus. Well. I just saw Kate get confronted about a piece of content. Yes. Morning sunshine.

I wasn't joking about yelling at Rhea. And it's actually worse. It was actually worse then. I thought it was. It was way worse. I don't remember calling her a stupid fucking bitch. 50 times. 50 times she said.

What was that? You called Rhea a stupid fucking bitch? Yeah. Again, a sarcastic? Or real? What was that? You sound like you're in Bright Eyes. It was a joke gone horribly wrong and i was drunk well you gotta explain it you gotta explain it i think it'll give better context she was wearing this

green jacket during the eagles game and in the beginning then i was like that's the lucky green jacket and so when we lost and they handed me the mic i switched and i was like guess that jacket wasn't so lucky maybe that's why we lost and I was like in my head I was like really play this angle up that'll be hilarious for the video and to me one of the funniest things is when you just drive a an idea into the ground when you a joke is dead and you keep killing it the more you do that it's annoying to everyone but I like that's my so I started yelling at her and I guess i was so drunk that i really started yelling at her and yeah she said i called her like a stupid fucking bitch like 50 times uh to which at first she was like i thought it was a joke at first and then by the end

she like genuinely it was upsetting i'm sweating and turning red there's video of it that will never see the light of day. But I remember screaming into the mic. I was like, I'm going to burn this thing into the ground. And then I turned to look and laugh at the end, and she was gone. And that's when I knew. I was like, I don't know what I just did, but it was bad. That's why I was so anxious on Monday. I had to sweat and think about it.

Was this recently? This was on Sunday night. Did you guys squash the beef? Yeah, apologized to her oh man i was afraid to look at her i was in a tiktok squad with her those were funny oh my god by my team six yeah stool team six i i had first started at barstool when you stool team six was a thing and they brought me on as a consultant. I was not allowed. I was not one of the six. They never followed me. What a run.

Those were very, I thought they were funny. I don't think. We had meetings every day to do TikToks. And I wanted to be Stool Team 7 so bad. But I was fresh blood. I had to match stripes. The wordplay didn't hit. What killed that? COVID? COVID killed that? I think that. Yeah, to match stripes. The wordplay didn't hit. What killed that? COVID? COVID killed that?

Yeah, it must have. Yeah. Naturally died. I have some Travis submissions. Actually, I have a massive Travis submission. Massive Travis? Wait, he made that singular. You've got a big-ass Travis? Well, actually both.

He's massive, he's funny, and he has a following. No, if this is who I think it is. Massive Travis is a good name. Who is it? Travis Kelsey. No. Oh. He got me.

You dumb bitch. You stupid dumb bitch. Come on now. That does hurt. That does stink to hear. That was only three of them. That was only three. Imagine that time 17.

Sheesh. Ron, is his stage name also a food? No. Who is it? He does have a stage name. The dude Nims. The guy who's like, fuck your life. He banged it.

Oh, his name is Travis? Yes, bro bro he's a travis he used to be a battle rapper he's super funny his manager reached out and was like let's work wait the joe byron guy yes joe byron bing bong that guy i mean uh yeah the bing bong is from the other uh videos but he was in those side talk videos he does does his own shit. Nims. Would he be willing to go by Travis? I mean, he was introduced to me as a Travis. I don't think he'd change his rap name, but he is a Travis deep

down. He might have to change that rap name, though. But he's more famous than you. This is a Travis competition, Ron. I don't know what to tell you. I know. I'm saying, bro. It's fucking tough. TJ,

can I text you my Travis videos? Or things in Mississippi. Roan, I was talking about Taco. Is that what that stands for? Oh, Taco? Yeah. From,

uh, iFuture? Yeah. Oh, he's, dude, he's very funny too. But neither of them claim Travis.

And rappers try to get out of the name Travis, probably because they know it's so unfunny. They get, Sam Clemons by Scott. Also true. Scott Travis, great rapper. This guy was at NEMS before. Scott Travis used to be what we call the lead singer of pop punk.

That was his pseudonym. Really? Travis Scott and Scott Travis. Can we pull up the uh travis tritt single album cover for what's his what's his big hit ryan's cooking in the microwave they'd be alive first of all travis tritt had a lot of great hits yeah yeah but this is biggest hit one of the more underrated travis tritt young travis tritt has the same no no not that one oh yeah look at that it's younger you you want to talk about like, here's a quarter. Yeah, that or just one.

Kind of looks like Tom Lay. He's a beautiful man. And face is Tom Lay. I don't know about that. No, no, no, same eyes, same face. That's a guy who would fuck up Darts Day. You think he'd fuck up Darts Day? Yeah, I think so.

Yeah. I think Darts Day was invented for a guy like that. Yep. Yeah. I think that's very hurtful to Tom Lay. Tom Lay, I think you're considerably more handsome than that.

Oh, yeah. Definitely. Oh, he's, yes. Definitely. Yes. I mean, Travis Tritt,

very successful man. Yeah, Tom Lay pulls off good beer. Travis Tritt's a bad thing? I think it is. He's born and raised in New York.

Cool, hardened guy. I know. He has a good voice. Like, he has a little rash to his shit. Thick beard,

good hair, pretty eyes, knows who he is, good taste. I love Travis Tritt. Travis Tritt. We're over here fucking comparing people to Travis Tritt. My mom fucked him. Your mom fucked Travis Tritt?

What? What happened? Damn. I'd like to know more. Your mom seemed lovely from the still photo I saw of her at the Mississippi State game. Oh, yeah. She was... Anybody here that knows?

I met her once. Did you? Here at the office, and she was so sweet and lovely. She's a tiny woman. Yeah. A tiny lady. 5'2".

Great hair, though. That's not tiny. Yeah, she's much smaller than me. 5'2". It's up there. I have some AI. Oh. Yeah, this is awesome.

So far, so good. Sports banter. All right. Okay. I'm with this. Sports related. Does anybody read it to the people? You're up, Brandon.

You're up. Your line's up. Okay, I'll be big cat. Welcome back to the Yak. We are here to talk about everything sports related and beyond. Today, we have an amazing lineup for you guys with the usual suspects and some special guests. Oh, shit. That's right, Big Cat.

We have KB, Nick Turaney. This is a live show. Will Sass and Kate joining us today. It's going to be a fun show. That's what she said. Yeah, let's just do this. I can't fucking see. I love this.

So what's on the agenda for today, Big Cat? Well, we have a lot to talk about from the Super Bowl to the NBA and everything in between. But first, let's get the drinks flowing. Read it out loud. Read the directions further. Holding her drink. Cheers, everyone. Others toast. They take a sip. This is scene two. Holding her drink. Cheers, everyone. Yeah.

Others toast. They take a sip. This is scene two. Super Bowl recap. So let's start with the Super Bowl. What were you guys' thoughts on the game? It was a snooze fest in my opinion. The Chiefs didn't show up and the Bucs dominated from start to finish.

Yeah, it was disappointing. I was expecting a shootout between Brady and Mahomes, but it turned out to be a one-sided affair. I was rooting for the Chiefs, but they let me down. They couldn't get anything going on offense, and their defense was a disaster. I had money on the Bucs. I was happy with the outcome. Typical KB.

Yo, they're good. I thought the halftime show was great, though. The weekend killed it. Yeah, the halftime show was one of the few highlights of the game, but let's move on to some NBA talk. Act 1, Scene 3, NBA discussion. Oh, man. Cast members begin to discuss the current state of the NBA,

from the top teams to emerging stars. Nets are the team to beat in the East, in my opinion. KD, Harden, Kyrie, a lethal trio. Kyle's so sassy in this. Please. Oh, fuck. The Sixers are the... I can't read it. The Sixers are the... I can't read it.

The Sixers are the best team in the East. Yeah. Joel Embiid is... He's the MVP. And Ben Simmons is a defensive stud. As a Lakers fan, I have to say that we're still the team to beat in the West. LeBron and AD are healthy, and we have some solid role players. I'm a Celtics fan, so I'm biased,

but I think Jason Tatum is on the verge of superstardom. He's a beast. I'm excited to see what Lomelo Ball can do in the league. He's been balling out lately. Kate, smiling. Pretty good. It's pretty accurateing out lately. Kate's smiling. Pretty good. That's pretty accurate. Yeah, that's pretty good.

I knew I was a Lakers fan. I forgot I was a Celtics fan. I wonder if a chat really studied several of the episodes. I don't know how computers work. Would it throw in a fast banana? Would it throw in... Why is his sports knowledge three years behind? Yeah. All those dudes are off the nets now.

My homes is... Well, he's back in the headlines, my homes. But Tom Brady has retired. That shit was dope, though. Damn, they... We're going to be out of jobs. Yep. Yeah, when did this start?

When did this technology start? That's pretty crazy. So it just went through a YouTube episode? Probably. Can we give it a different subject? Like, tell it we're a different kind of show? Yeah. See what it gives us?

Fart show? So for that one, I just said... Or a show about farts. Yeah, that one I said, write a script for a play based on... Write a script for a play based on the Barstool Sports Show of the Yaks starring Big Cat, Brandon Walker, KB, Nick Rohn, and Sass. I'd like the show to be about farts. So write a fart script.

Yeah. So the creator of ChatBeat, GPT, apparently carries around this blue backpack with him everywhere just in case the AI becomes self-aware. He has like a nuke button for it. Really? Yeah. Jesus. What? Who is this guy?

How much is that worth? I don't know. I think Google tried to buy it or Google did buy it. Really? Yeah. Jesus. What? Who is this guy? How much is that worth? I don't know. I think Google tried to buy it or Google did buy it. I read something that it's like however much it's worth it reached that amount of money faster than any other social media platform has ever done. And people are blaming that for all of the layoffs at all these tech

companies because they're going to be replaced by it. Damn. I don't know if the backpack thing is true if i could get fact checked on that but i'd no i'd prefer to believe it i like to believe that i don't know if most things that i say are true i just say them oh yeah one of the first things to go will be copywriters though yeah yeah but they uh actually that was my buddy is getting trying to get a copywriting job and he said he had to do a presentation about how he can offer more of a personable experience

than ChatGPT. That was two weeks ago he had to do that. And this came out a month ago. I just saw LightSwitchLew tweeting at Greeny that he was going to be replaced by ChatGPT. It's like angrily about the Celtics.

Misplaced hate about the Eagles losing the Super Bowl. Wait, can we get ChatGPT to write a Barstool blog and throw it up? A Greeny blog? See how well it does. Oh, yeah. A Mincy blog? It has to be a Mincy blog. I don't know.

Who would be somebody we could throw up and they wouldn't really... I want a teacher sex scandal. It might not write about that. It doesn't write about certain things. Yeah, you're right. Would it still do a smut blog? Yeah, can you write about a perfect set of titties? Right. If we

trained the AI to just do that here... I think Minty's writing style is consistent enough that he frames everything around himself that it might be able to pick it up relatively easily. I'm pretty sure you could write a blog about farts in the voice of Dave Portnoy. Like something like that. I would like to see that. But farts and titties might be off limits, though.

Yeah, farts probably aren't. Titties might be. Well, though. Yeah. Farts probably aren't. Titties might be. Well, they said the new Bing, which is, I guess, Microsoft's version of Google or whatever. Yeah. I don't know. Is it? I don't know. Bing?

Very obvious. Yeah. Well, it's not released yet, but they said. Oh, Bing has been out forever. No, no. Bing has, but there's a new version coming where basically you'll be able to be like hey i'm making um lasagna tonight for my girlfriend i would like three sides here's the foods she doesn't like here's a couple things she likes and instead of giving you links to click there won't be any like links anymore it'll just give

you one fucking answer here's the salad you're gonna go with here's the whatever based off like everything you just told me um and then like you can click stuff if you want but like the answers will be given to you right there i like that i like that like hyper specific tell me what to do we get chat gpt to do a roan notes app apology to me kyle and dozen fans that would be yeah i think that's doable i think that's fair did I think that's fair. Do we have to preload the transgressions? Yeah. I think I probably owe more than just you guys an

apology, but we can start there. A little bit of accountability up front. I can get that cooking. What'd you say? An apology from Adam Ferron for throwing a cactus at Kyle. Bending the rules of the dozen trivia competition. Cheating.

And for pelting America's sweetheart in the face with a football when he's at his most vulnerable supporting Ukraine. And that's just how I've read it. That was not from me. I'm just regurgitating what I've read it. That was not from me. I'm just regurgitating what I've read. Act us a Kyle. First and foremost. To Kyle. I feel like that changes.

Yeah. Can you emphasize to? No. Me and Ron are good. He gave me a dollar today. I appreciate that, Ron. Multiple people a dollar. Why?

Just trying to get rid of dollars? A little bit of a prank. Ooh. Keep everyone on their toes around here. It's working. Going back to the old bar stool. Nice. You know what I mean?

If you know what I mean. Cheating in the... Arizona. Mm-hmm. I also ran roughshod around the office throwing scissors to people. You love running roughshod, though. Put pins in Frank Borelli's chair. Gave Sass several gifts that he'll never wear.

Was that you put a frog in my pocket earlier? Was that? No, but I did crush up chips and put them in KB's pocket. Yeah. Oh, yeah. In my jacket pocket. In your jacket pocket. Filled with crumbs.

Yeah. Filled with... Went in Arizona. How did I... Oh, no. Never bring that up after the fact. He also opened water bottles and flipped them over and put them on Tommy's desk so that when he tried to move them... That was a good one.

There's got gotta be more shit that I did. Making that noise thinking of all the fucked up shit you've done. Who else did I fuck with? What are my other trespasses?

You ripped up the toilet paper in the bathroom. No, I never did that. That was definitely you. No, I know the sanctity of a clean butthole and that's something I... You sucked Feidelberg's dick through a glory hole.

Here's the... Oh, it's riding it right now. The ruse. Okay, accountability. There are several instances I need to apologize for. I want to start by saying how truly sorry I am for my actions. I know that I have let you all down, and I take full responsibility for my behavior. There are several incidents that I need to apologize for and I hope you can find it in

your hearts to forgive me. First and foremost, I want to apologize to KB for throwing a cactus at him. No. That was completely unacceptable and I understand it could have caused some serious harm. I also want to apologize for cheating in the dozen battle of Arizona too. My actions were dishonest and unfair and I should have known better. I'm also sorry for throwing scissors around the office. I understand how dangerous that was and I am grateful.

No one was hurt. Additionally, I apologize for giving a little sass sweatshirts. You will never wear. That was a waste of resources and not considerate of his feet. Also apologize for crushing chips and putting them in KB's pocket. Yeah. That was a mean and unnecessary prank that was not funny in any way.

Yeah, it wasn't. It wasn't that funny. It was, bro. I'm sorry for throwing a football at Nick Turani there in case race three. That could have caused serious harm, and I'm lucky no one was injured. Yeah, we are. I know there are many more incidents I need to apologize for, and I'm truly sorry for

all of them. I've let my emotions get the best of me, and I understand my behavior has been unacceptable. I want to assure you all that I'm taking steps to address these issues and ensure they will never happen again. Again, I am truly sorry for my actions, and I hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me. Sincerely, Ron. Damn, I forgive you.

That was really nice. Yeah, I forgive you. That was heartfelt. Not considerate of needs? That's very thoughtful. That was heartfelt of me. Sincerely, Ron. Damn, I forgive you. That was really nice. Yeah, I forgive you. Not considerate of needs? That's very thoughtful. That was heartfelt of me. I don't know. That was really good. This is a slippery slope. Yeah. The Black Mirror technology when they brought the deceased loved one

back by scraping all of their messages they've ever sent, that is pretty much this. Yeah, that's bad. Would you do that service no hell no i guess you could have like uh i respect death okay i'm not trying to trifle with death are you guys oh no no would you live forever if you could san junipero yeah yeah yeah are you okay jesus yeah Jesus. Yeah, wow. That was like 15. That happens all the time. It's so fucking annoying.

What did y'all think of the Tommy Mullet pic I sent to you guys? Oh, wow. You need to let that thing keep going. It's out there. I asked him last night before I took the picture. I said, are you ready for a haircut? And he said, yes. And I said, oh, really?

And he said, yeah, just the bangs, though. Yeah, good man. Just get it out of my eyes, but you're not touching this back here. What about the sides? He just says full mullet. I don't know why he decided on it, but it's out there now. I feel like the sides have to be a little bit crispy. I'm sure the haircutter will know how to do it.

Bro, you just sneezed in front of Bargatze like that, bro. You'll never work in this industry again. Yep, you're done. I think it looked incredible. Yeah, it looked very good. Have you shown him mullet-spiration? Have you shown him other mullets to maybe... No, I haven't shown him.

He doesn't have a muse right now. He's just kind of doing it on his own. Oh, in Bosworth. Yeah. It's a very authentic mullet. Oh, it's the real deal. It's the real authentic mullet. Oh, it's the real deal. It's the real deal. Yeah, it's wild.

It's feral. Yeah, a lot of guys are getting highly stylized mullets, but his is genuine, 100%. Do you realize how powerless you are to tell somebody to go to bed when they have a mullet? He probably tells you to go to bed. He was leaning up against the door last night, and he had no shirt on, just his pajama pants, and he was drinking. He had a coffee mug full of whatever it was. It wasn't coffee.

But he's sitting there, and he's drinking coffee with a mullet. And I said, go to bed, Tommy. And he said, hmm. He's drinking coffee? He's drinking coffee? Yeah, it looked like he was drinking coffee. He was just wearing a coffee mug. I could see Tommy leaning up against the door whittling.

Yeah. A big, long piece of straw in his mouth. Yeah, just carving a fucking bust of like a president that we'd forgotten about no i don't think i will go to bed i think it's time for you to go to bed papa yeah you got to get him into whittling does he have any knives or what's his knife situation right now uh he's he's strong in knives um does he got a whittling knife or does he even know about whittling? He doesn't know about whittling. I don't think his hands are whittle strong yet.

I think they'll get there by trial by fire. You can buy a kit. You got to be an old man to whittle, though. You start with a bar of soap. A young man's hands are built for whittling. A bar of soap, probably. A bar of soap, yeah. But still, you're doing a knife, though.

Yeah, but that's... A little knife. Is he energy drink age? No. When is that? Is he energy drink age? No. When is that? 16, 15. Really? I guess it's when you start driving.

They have to get up and go on their own. That's when you start driving into high school on your own. Mountain Dew count? Yeah. My first two years, I didn't know caffeine could help me get through the morning. And it did, huh? Yeah. It launched your ass.

When did you guys start drinking coffee? I don't drink coffee. I was right into energy drinks full throttle. Really? Coffee later. Which ones? Like college. What? Which energy drinks? Full throttle. Rockstar. Yeah, Rockstar was a big one. I started drinking coffee in ninth grade. I was a junior zookeeper

at the Ogilby Good Zoo. I had to work a sleepover party. The kids could, the parents could pay and the kids could sleep next to the meerkat exhibit. So I had to work a sleepover party. The parents could pay and the kids could sleep next to the meerkat exhibit. So I had to stay the night, but I stayed up all night because I'd watched the movie White Noise on my portable DVD player while the kids were sleeping, got too afraid. So the next morning I had the birthday, like second half of the birthday party was happening. So I had coffee for the first time. How'd you have it? Black. Were you like never again after that? Oh no, I remember the feeling of it hitting my stomach So I had coffee for the first time. How'd you have it? Black. Damn.

Were you like never again after that? Oh, no. I remember the feeling of it hitting my stomach and it was warm and I was exhausted and it helped me. And we had a hell of a birthday party that day. Yeah. I fucking bet. A loon artist came in, got my flirt on with her. It was a good day.

Okay. My gateway drug was Frappuccinos. I had Frappuccinos before I even knew what an energy drink was. I don't think I even knew about energy drinks until I got to college. But then they had those fucking Mountain Dew-ass energy drinks. Oh, yeah. What were they called? Iwire or some shit.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That shit was fucking zany. Mix that with some cheap-ass vodka. That was a great way to launch your night because it was so metallic and chemical that it completely dwarfed the taste of the vodka.

I feel like the cheaper the energy drink, the more dangerous the name. Yeah. For sure. Live wire. Yeah. Volt. Something that makes you're going to get shocked or die. Electrocutions. Or what it was called rippets yeah i remember that and they have the shittiest like graphic design on it had a deal with the government and so even in the boonies of afghanistan like at a

small outpost where there'd only be like 12 of us for a month they would make sure to ship out like tons of pallets of rippets and that's what guys would be on post like just with like 15 cans of rippets around them little can and they taste like straight up like old 1920s medicine like what a waste of ammunition given like a sniper a fucking shaky hand but we like i feel like the whole military used to live off rippets they were those dudes are trying to get fucked up in any way they can those dudes and gals like any kind of buzz you can get yep there was nos and it was shaped like a nos can in a car right oh yeah that's still a thing is that still a thing yeah rip it's still a thing have you guys ever seen like the pre-workout nos was good easy pre-workouts i am god it's called i am god there's

a bunch like that wait if everybody's getting like you you know, Spittin' Chicklets has the beer and the vodka and coffee. Why can't the yak have an energy drink? Tell a blue, low key is. Yeah, shit, you're right. I'm drinking it now. That was great. Oh, yeah. What would we call it?

Red Line was it. It would have to be the most dangerous thing ever. Scorpion. Oh, Scorpion. It's got a fire. When you open it, there's a sharp little thing, like a needle that hits you right in the lip. Yeah. Really.

Yeah. Maybe it has a scorpion tail, so it pokes your eyes like you're drinking it. Drips your face up. Yeah. And it's not a drink at all, but you put it in a needle and you put it in your arm. Yeah. Yeah. It gives you energy.

When did you start drinking coffee, Sass, my boy? I drank coffee in high school And then I started having crippling panic attacks And I stopped drinking it I drink energy drinks, which don't give me Did that stop the panic attacks? Stopping coffee No

But it helped a lot I had my first panic attack ever in 7th grade or 8th grade because of Pepsi Blue I didn't remember opening it so I thought I bought it from the convenience store already opened and I was very afraid of anthrax as a kid and so I thought somebody sprinkled anthrax in my Pepsi Blue and I stayed home from school

did you drink it? And so I thought somebody sprinkled anthrax in my Pepsi Blue and I stayed home from school. Damn. Yeah. Did you drink it? Nope. Well, I took one sip and I was like, wait, I don't remember the crack sound of me opening this. Who was dying from anthrax, right? I think politicians. People were dying from it?

Were they mailing it to mailroom workers? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Was it really going on like that? I was afraid of mail for envelopes for a while because of that and then the spider egg story. Yeah. What's that?

Someone licked an envelope and got spider eggs in their body. The envelope cut their tongue and the glue had spider eggs. Yeah. I remember that. I don't know if that's real. I don't think that's real. COVID had people- Spiders were growing in his arms.

Teachers were telling us that. That ain't true. Oh, damn. Yeah, COVID had my mom would like spray down our mail with like Lysol. Yeah. My wife did that early on in COVID too. Yeah, that was like. Everybody was doing it.

They told me to wipe down my groceries when I bought them home. Yeah, wipe the groceries down. Yeah, my mom would make us put them in like one part of the house and she'd like gas them with Lysol for like an hour. A fumigation tent. Yeah. Yeah. Just like scrubbing fumigation tent. Yeah. Just like scrubbing a fucking apple.

Yeah. With just tons of chemicals. I guess they already have chemicals on them. Brandon, why don't you drink coffee though, my boy? I don't know. I just never really got into it. You have multiple kids. You've got to be tired. I don't like hot drinks.

Hot drinks. That's what it is. I don't like hot drinks. I think all drinks should be cold. Not even a good tea? No, I don't like hot drinks. Don't. That's what it is. I don't like hot drinks. I think all drinks should be cold. Not even a good tea? No, I don't like hot drinks. Don't you have an iced coffee? Yeah, what about iced?

That tastes awful. A whole genre of coffee is dedicated to cold coffee. Other than Stella Blue coffee, iced coffee doesn't taste good. What about iced tea? I don't know. I make iced Stella Blue pretty easily. Iced tea, doesn't that have caffeine? Yeah, but that, no.

No? Tea is, I drink sweet tea. That's just sugar water, basically. Sugar, yeah. It's a conduit for? Yeah, but that, no. No. Tea is, I drink sweet tea. That's just sugar water, basically. Sugar, yeah. It's a conduit for the sugar, not for the caffeine. Right. The tea and the caffeine are not the star players in that particular drink. What about your boy?

What does your boy drink? My boy? Yeah. Tommy? Yeah, your boy Tommy. Yeah, he and, actually, I think all the kids drink a little bit of bastardized coffee. My wife keeps a lot of coffee in the house. Your boy's definitely drinking

a lot of G Fuel. What's G Fuel? Oh yeah, he'll find out. He'll probably find a whole container of it under his bed one day. A gallon jug. I bought him a good gaming PC for Christmas. It probably comes with G Fuel.

Son of a bitch is just deep in it now. Yeah. That's where he should be. What's he playing? A whole bunch of shit. Obviously, he plays the same stuff he always played, like Fortnite and Roblox and all that, but he's playing these new games.

I had to get him a Steam thing. Oh. Steam. Or just the app? Yeah, so now he just plays a bunch of games. I sat down get him a Steam thing. Oh. Steam. What is the app? Yeah, so now he just plays a bunch of games. I sat down. Is your credit card on there? Huh?

Is your credit card on there? Oh, he spends a lot of money. Yeah, how much money have you spent on, like, Roblox in your life? Oh, Robux? Yeah, a lot. Probably in the thousands. Yeah? Yeah.

Still, though, that's his way out of this town, this one-horse town, man. You've got to get him on that. Anytime he's playing outside, you better be like, get on that console. One of the most interesting things for Tommy is he has a best friend online that he's never met that he plays video games with all the time. He's done it for years. And the kid lives in Chicago. Wow.

We're excited about that. How old is he? 11 or 12. Nice. Same as Tommy. I've checked it. 36. We've had it checked. Is it Tommy's best friend?

Probably, yeah. What's his name? I don't know. Tell me more about your dad. What'd your dad do for a living? The fact that we talked houses yesterday and I got three DMs with the exact address of the house I talked about. No, they found that. I said not to say even Waterside.

I said reveal shit. Because you can probably search Waterside as a keyword. It's fucking weird, man. The fact that people DM me and were tweeting me the address. This one guy tweeted at me, hey, is this the address? And that was the address. I'm like, the fuck? What are you getting out of life?

What are you doing with this? Why does that information mean anything to you? Kind of pissed me off. Yeah, it is really weird. It's like a weird thing to be like, look what I found. Impressive, but that's not a skill you want. No information. Waterslide?

Keep doing that. I said it was like an hour and a half away from the city. That's good work. I even said the town, so I gave it all out. I'm not going there now. About to drive up the price on you. Putting a false bid on your ass. Really?

You're not going to go there anymore? Well, that was always a long shot anyway. I got to go out there soon and look at a bunch of houses. Are you going this weekend? I might. Might. Might fly out Sunday and come back Tuesday. Nice.

Because I don't respect President's Day. Not anymore. No. Jefferson Davis is my only president jefferson davis county the best yep the fucking best sack so they're in sack city iowa there's a um there's a liquor store called sack liquor wow yeah i might get that t-shirt i i they make that i i think so sacks sacks and there's not a sack city high school it's like sack county high school which isn't as funny as sack city why did that why did that so was so appealing to you sack is a term for testicles too yeah there's a lot of place names like that Sack liquor is funny I like it too Sack liquor is good

I have a Sack liquor Word play here See what else is there They have the world's largest popcorn ball Oh wow I'm going to sex in Iowa. Shut the fuck up.

Who's the competition? 9,370 pounds. Holy shit. That's crazy. 24 hours a day. Sorry, popcorn's closed. Damn. So why?

Do we think it's hollow? I don't think it's all the way through. Oh, you don't believe in the popcorn ball? No, I don't believe it's hollow. I hate you conspiracy theorists. No, I don't believe that's hollow. It wouldn't be 9,000 pounds if it were. I don't't think it's all the way through. Oh, you don't believe in the popcorn bowl? No, I don't believe it's hollow. I hate you conspiracy theorists. No, I don't believe that's... It wouldn't be 9,000 pounds if it were... I don't believe that it is 9,000 pounds, Brandon.

Also, would that big of a... I don't think that much popcorn would be 9,000 pounds. Right, I don't think that's a real thing. It's cattle corn, heavier. Yeah, it is. You can't push it in a little wheelbarrow. Oh, that's big. Oh, wow, look at that.

That ain't a ball, though. They gotta roll that a little bit more you live in this town go hit it with a hatchet real quick tell me what's in there like popcorn looks like a big piece of cauliflower when that girl was touching it might not even be popcorn i started following a tiktok account of a guy that just kicks it kicks a stone until it's yeah yeah on that yeah i've been on it it's a season three time yeah he's on season three it's pretty good y'all follow TikTok accounts. I just, whatever TikTok serves to me, I watch it.

He just pops up and I just see him. Oh, yeah. I've never hit the follow button, I don't think. Oh, I do. Like the random small accounts in the middle of nowhere Americana, I love. I follow people who live in river houses in like the swamps of Georgia. I love that stuff. My favorite TikTok is the black guy that voices animals.

Like cats and dogs. I'm a simple man. That's it for you? That's it. I haven't even seen that, bro. All it takes. I haven't seen that, dude. Sash, you been on TikTok recently?

No. Whoa. No, I haven't had it in like over a year. Crazy. Best decision I ever made had it in like over a year. Crazy. Best decision I ever made. What happened to that bird? I can't remember his name, but he had an attitude. Oh, the emu.

Yeah, what's his name? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think he's dead. He died? He got sick. I know that for sure. Not Stanley. I hope that lemu emu dies.

Yeah, that one sucks. That sucks. That's CGI, right? I don't dies. Yeah, that one sucks. That sucks. That's CGI, right? I don't care. Yeah. It was a girl. She had blonde or brown hair. Yeah, there he is.

What's his name? Larry? Billy? Emmanuel. Emmanuel. Yeah, close. I think it got really sick, but it might be okay now. I hope Emmanuel's okay.

That's not the same girl. That was a person. She's sick, too. might be okay now. That's not the same girl. That was a person. She's sick too. What is that? That's not her. No, damn one. I don't appreciate the sick. It looks like a person dressed up as a...

I don't know. I guess not. You can take your Brad energy elsewhere. That's terrifying. Take your Brad energy elsewhere. Oh, that sounds... Oh, my God. I don't like that one.

That's a dinosaur. That's why Australia lost the war to him, right? This is it. How big you are. This is it. Everybody thinks you're in home. This do not do. Emanuel.

Emanuel do not do it. Emanuel don't do it. Emanuel. I like Emanuel. Don't do it. I'm trying to educate people right now. But you know what Emanuel does? He does it. He does it. Can you just stop educate people right now. But you know what Emmanuel does? He does it.

Can you just stop? I like Emmanuel. He's a swaggy farmer. She's pretty swagged out for a farmer. It's appropriate for her to wear overalls. Also for skateboarders to wear overalls. I'm into farmers. Overalls are

a good technical. Did y'all see that big-ass skate park in Scottsdale? Uh-uh. It was right around the corner from the hotel. It was gigantic. Biggest one I've ever seen. Yeah. I know what you're talking about.

Big-ass free stuff. Acres and acres of skate park. Yeah. Interesting. I've never skateboarded. If any of you... Rowan, you strike me as someone who used to skate, maybe. I think you're thinking about Nick.

I used to in high school. Yeah. That's who you're thinking of. Nick. You see his van socks? You see his skateable shoes that he has on right now? Kate, did you not see these? I should have.

You're right. I was never any good. I was a cruiser. I would just cruise. I was a damn good cruiser. Tire? Good at cruising. What does that mean?

Cruise around. Dynamite? A car or just on a skateboard? Skateboard. I could do tricks. I wasn't like you. I think cruising is more impressive than tricks. What? Just being able to go for a while on a skateboard. It's all impressive.

You have to be able to do anything on a skateboard is impressive to me. You have to be able to do anything on a skateboard is impressive to me. You have to be able to cruise if you can do tricks. That's the first step is cruising. That's the most offending y'all have ever got. I was just, why did y'all get so? That's like being like, it's easier to stand than do a backflip. Like you have to stand. It is easier to stand than do a backflip.

I'm sorry, it's easier to do a backflip than stand. God damn it. Oh, fuck. Brandon wins again. You smart bastard. You MVP of trivia. Yeah. TJ, do we have another yak written for us?

Oh, wait. Hold on. Before we do that, we've got to talk about High Noon. We haven't talked about that yet, have we? Sure. The delicious flavors of High Noon. Delicious High Noon. The flavors like peach and lime.

Watermelon. Watermelon. That was my next one. Grapefruit, the black cherry. 700 milliliter cans. Got new big cans of peach and pineapple available. It's made with vodka. That was me having one. And not with malt like in the hard seltzers.

Here. Glug, glug, glug, glug. All done? Already. I have another. Are you saying glug or gluck. Glug, glug, glug, glug. All done? Already. I have another. Are you saying glug or gluck? Gluck, gluck, gluck, gluck. Roan, just a heads up before you have this one. It is delicious and ice cold.

Oh, my God. Thank you so much. Just a warning. He swallowed the can. They have limited edition flavors like pear and cranberry in the tailgate pack, and they've got kiwi and guava in the pool pack. It's just a terrific drink to have and just

chill with the boys or the girls or I don't know, whoever you're with. Look for them on Drizzly or at your local convenience store or liquor store or visit highnoonspirits.com to find it near you or again, go to I think any bar in America right now and you'll find a delicious selection of High Noon.

If they don't have High Noon, punch the bartender. Punch the bartender and burn the place to the ground. No, don't do that. Just punch them. Punch them. That's still bad. Threaten arse. Sack liquor?

Sack liquor sasm? Sack liquor, almost definitely. And we call sack liquor? Let's call sack liquor. Can we call sack liquor? See if they can send us some t-shirts. It's like when people paint their barns to say, chew male pouch.

That's funny, too. What? I never thought about that. That's everywhere. Chew male pouch. Yeah, go chew male pouch. Hey, working on it. Why?

I'm thinking about it like a lion's head cap. Oh, I just thought male is an opposite of female. And then pouch is in your balls. Male pouch. What did that even mean? Male pouch was a brand of chewing tobacco. Oh, you guys didn't

have those barns? Oh my god, I'm sorry. I thought that was a common thing. Every barn around us has chew male pouch painted on the side. Oh, I didn't know that. Huh. I'm sorry.

Don't apologize. A small worldview strikes again. Don't apologize. All right. Write a script for a play about a farting contest based on the Barstool Sports Show, The Yak, starring Barstool Sports employee Brandon Walker, KB, Nick Rones. Okay. So we should have a long table.

Act one, scene one. We're in a Hoff Brow house. Stage set up with a long table in the center. The table is filled with various food, drinks, and snacks. Brandon Walker, KB, Nick Teraney, Rone, Lil' Sass, and Kate enter on stage one, the stage one by one, and take their seats at the table. They all look excited and eager for the competition. All right, folks, let's get this party started.

Fuck. You want to switch seats? You switch with Sass? I can't see. Oh, thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've been waiting for this all week. Me too.

My stomach is ready for battle. You sure you're up for this, Lil' Sass? Not too late to back out. Exactly what you would say. I was born ready, Roan. Well, this is gonna be fun. They all begin to dig into their food at the table,

eating quickly and drinking lots of carbonated beverages. Scene two. The contestants finish eating and sit back in their chairs waiting for the contest to begin. Brandon Walker stands up to address his audience. You've got to scroll down. Welcome to the first ever Yak Farting Contest. Our contestants have been preparing all week for this moment,

and now it's time to find out who has the most impressive guess. Woo! All right. All right, let's get started. KB, you're up first. KB stands up and takes a deep breath, getting ready to let one rip. He puts his hands on his hips and takes a few steps away from the table. Suddenly, he lets out a loud, long fart that echoes through the room.

The audience cheers and applauds. That was just a warm-up. Oaks. Scene three, the contest continues with each contestant taking their turn. Nick Terani goes next and releases a long, rumbling fart that nearly knocks over the table. Roan's fart is short but powerful, and Lil Sass manages to produce a series of quick,

high-pitched farts that make the audience laugh. Kate stands up to take her turn, looking apprehensive. She takes a deep breath and tries to let one go, but nothing comes out. I guess I'm not cut out for this. Don't worry, Kate. You gave it your best shot. This is so accurate.

Kate sits back down looking embarrassed. The final round of the competition begins with Brandon Walker taking his turn. He stands up, closes his eyes, and concentrates. Suddenly, he lets out a massive fart that shakes the room and sends the audience into a frenzy. That's how you do it, folks. The contestants look impressed but a little intimidated. Scene six.

Shook the room. The contest ends with the judges tallying up the scores. Brandon Walker is declared the winner and Nick Turani coming in second and Roan in third. The audience cheers and applauds the contestants to take a bow. As the contestants take a bow. All right. That was one for the history books. Thanks for coming out and supporting us.

Yeah. And there we go. I had no lines. We always have a live audience. Yeah. I think they could have punched it up a little bit more. They could have punched it up. I think that's a good baseline.

Like, you know, Brandon also had the same line as KB. I almost think we should have made it more heated, more adversarial. Like, yeah, we discovered cheating in the farting competition. Yes. Like that. Remember when we did, didn't we do an episode a while ago with like a fart machine? Yeah. Yeah.

Like Ken Jack put a fart machine in the air. That was damn good. And I forget who was in the scene. Was it women? Women were in here. Mad Dog? Yeah. Yeah. Ken Jack put a fart machine in the air. That was damn good. And I forget who was in the scene. Was it women? Women were in here. Mad Dog? Yeah, they went with it the whole way and was like, it's not me. Fart machines always worked.

That was a funny-ass episode. Funny-ass-ode. Good-sode. You think that Brandon looks pretty skinny without having an undershirt on? For sure. Stand up, Brandon. I just did. Okay.

Yeah, I think you're a not, especially that kind of shirt, not undershirt guy. And wait, have you lost weight with the trainer? No, I'm as big as I've ever been. You look skinnier just by removing the layer. Right, maybe it's shifting. Maybe it's shifting now. I think it might be going down. Okay. Let's spin the layer. Right, maybe it's shifting. Maybe it's shifting now. I think it might be going down. Okay.

Let's spin the wheel. Yeah. In case we do get the true fart eliminator, which I think there's a pretty good chance of today. You know y'all are going to have to camp out in my backyard, right? Yeah. Yep. I think I'm going to hold that until Chicago.

Maybe he's got to give $100. Oh, yeah. I've got to figure out what ML Cake is. Or I've decided I might just – Bingo. I own a house in Mississippi. I could make the backyard in Mississippi. Make y'all come down and spend the night there.

That would be awesome. What do you mean by awesome? I'd love to wet some lines with you. Oh, hell yeah. This is a thing. Yeah, we've got to figure this out then. What was this? I think we have to just think of a funny name

and look them up if they exist and if they exist we prank call them. I thought we're not taking it literal or we just do something to a banana? At one point that's what... I don't know what this was ever meant to be. Maybe we call up with a name first and see if they exist. Alan Arcangelo?

Yeah, that's pretty good. Yeah. Let's get this one exist. Alan Arcangelo? Yeah, that's pretty good. You think that might not, too, though. Might not. Bogs Biega? Did this one get on the wheel? Bogs Biega? Bogs Biega.

Bogs Biega. We'll give him a call. Alan Arcangelo exists. We'll check them both. Spell Biega. Kyle, can you do names that don't have the same, like a name like a Marvel character? E-I-E-G-A.

Wait, what? Always the first. It's a same letter. Alliteration. I didn't even mean to do that. You did it twice. Bogs Biega and Alan Arcangelo. That's a cool ass name.

Yeah. Arcangelo's very alliterative. Alan Arcangelo. That's a sick. He has to. Yeah. Archangelos. Very alliterative. Alan Archangelos. That's a sick... He has to. Nah. He has to exist because it's a sick name. No, he doesn't.

I'm picturing him. What's he look like? He's like posted at a Planet Fitness with a Four Loko. I see him with a good ass coif. Oh, good coif. Yeah. Bogs Beck and Boggs Bach. See?

Look at that. No Biega? No Boggs Biega. What the hell is Biega? Where the hell did you come up with Biega from? Boggs Biega. What is Biega? He did seven straight spring breaks.

He was taking one class a semester he's like uh park cuban or some shit like that or like little dominican um all right kyle give us one more name can't be alliterative no alan arcangela that we did oh why even waste our time in case there's just in case if you hit it on the first try with alan arcangelo um i can't those are the two those are the two i got a alan dark angelo whoa who is that no way that's even cooler alan dark angelo alan that guy's sick he's 80 plus from from Brooklyn. Let's give him a call. Oh, Alan Dark Angelo. Kyle, just call and ask if it's Alan Arcangelo.

I'm sorry. This probably happens all the time. No, it's not the same as Arcangelo. Darkangelo? You still got to call him. Kick Dark Angelo's number over to Kyle just so we can get him on the horn. Let me pull that. Kyle prank calls give me so much anxiety

because he doesn't give up. I know, it's so bad. That's going to be so sick. Fucking Dark Angelo. Dark Angelo. Dark Angelo is a wild bus he's 92 he's 92

he'd probably damn near the same age as Pokemon Alan Arcangelo he always has like an album coming out but you never there's no proof

of him ever rapping he's potentially famous yeah wait yeah he keeps on releasing he has his album wait he's an artist with an apostrophe?

Whoa. Is it Wikipedia? If you take away – it's Alan D. Archangel. It is. Oh, my God. Wait, Kyle. Are you sure you just didn't hear this? He's dead.

Oh, he's dead. Oh, I've never heard of this guy. Yes, you have. No, I haven't. Dude, you had to have just seen his work somewhere. All right. I will admit I came up with Alan Arcangelo in my head like two-plus years ago.

He was in Chris Webby's crew. I remember he met a swimmer chick. I forget the joke he made. But, yeah, he's been living in my mind for a while. Him and Bogs Biega. That's why I was so quick with him. You mean the joke you made? He made it.

I knew these were pre-meds. I spent like a week with Bogsbiega. Like plotting out his spring break trips. Is that in Chris Webby's crew? That's Alan Arcangelo. That's embarrassing. Do you think he has a role in the crew? Like he does the merch or some shit?

These are like fictional characters that you came up with? Yeah You're creative Yeah man I don't know what that is Hey you fantasize about some weird shit It's not a fantasy It is

No that is a fantasy Definition of a fantasy That is truly a fantasy did you like either of these guys they're all like barstool whack pack

type characters that I like have a crew in my head and we roast them like this like we're doing now so this is kind of cool I want you guys

to roast Alan Arcangelo more than you're roasting me let's do the roast of Alan Arcangelo his dad probably like owned a car dealership or some shit like that so like he's not

actually thorough and he's like part the crew, but he's rich. He has clear, stylish glasses and titties, but he wears sweaters. What kind of car does he drive? Yeah, I had to think of that. Like a new Jeep Wrangler. Do you have my Travis submissions? Yeah. Oh, my God.

You sent me three. Oh, I have a few. A, B, or C first. I have A, B, C, D. I went through every initialism for the last name. Let me send the rest. We got to look at some NEMS content, too. For Visa.

Travis A. So if they had a song in it, I had to edit that out for copyright reasons. Travis A. Did you edit these, Kyle? My wife got COVID. She was unvaccinated. I'm unvaccinated. I took care of her.

Still never got COVID. So if you got to be vaccinated and not get it, then how come a lot of us didn't get it then? Explain that. That's Travis A. I mean, again, these guys aren't funny. So that's what the best way you got. Travis A. I mean, again, these guys aren't funny, so that's the best we got. Travis B.

God damn! It's truly the least funniest name in the world. I mean, that's a Travis name. Wait, Kyle. Wait, TJ, can you pause this really quick? Kyle, all the fonts are the same. Did you edit these on your own account? Yeah, I had to edit out the top row.

Did you add that flip to the top row? I did, yeah. That's a pretty good swipe. I didn't know you had editing chops like that. so bad submissions or did you just yeah who's driving wait who is driving who is driving that guy's driving? See, that guy's driving. Wait, go back to that thing. I think it's flipped. Yeah, it's...

Okay. Well, he's driving. That's still concerning. I'll bet. What's he do here? He does nothing. He just misses the nipple completely. Do this. Do a dance.

Do a dance. Do a dance. Do a dance. She's about to be pissed off. All right, Travis. Oh, yeah, abysmal. He's my vote so far. Travis C was good, if I remember correctly.

He was damn good, Travis C was good, if I remember correctly. He was damn good, Travis C. That's funny. We have to get him on the show. Say that again. Listen to the squeal. That is the prankster's gold. Wow. Travis C Is that stage though?

Was that a skit? I don't know It sounded like he yelled Before Before the toe was in his ass And it was so classic Plumber's crack Under the sink

Working on a pipe That might be a skit But if that's his One's pranks One's skits And the other one's like rants They all have different buckets. Travis D.

Oh, there's more. Is that you? Wait, what? It's just a little, I don't know, he's trying a funny little mask prank. Again, I don't think these are good submissions by any means, but this is the best we got so far. Yeah, I mean, it's kind of positive that Travis's aren't that funny,

but I think there's shreds of funniness in them. I think they all have some, but I don't know. There's potential. We've got to get some of these guys in here. It's like how when some people come on Barstool Idol, they play a song on the first day. It's like, can you do other stuff than pranks? You only have prank videos in your wheelhouse.

Oh, trap. Oh, my God. Is that the end? All right, this one's good. I liked that one. I had added a royalty-free track, and that was a spooky ballad. It kind of worked. I liked that. Can we rewatch that?

It was pretty funny. I liked that. Can we rewatch that? It was pretty funny. I think we can get him. Dude, this one rules. This is pretty good. I kind of helped him out. That was awesome. That was pretty good, Kyle. Thank you.

How many more do we have? I think there's two or three. Did you skip F? Oh, F. There was no F. There was no F, yeah. There we had a submission. G. There was no F, but every other letter in alphabetical order.

No F submitted. What do you want me to do? Bunch of Gs and a handful of Hs. Is it top G? Pause it, pause it, pause it. Nothing he submitted was funny. It was just a slideshow of his Instagram picture, so I had to add goofy sounds to at least add some comedic effect.

Okay, that makes sense. As you show up funny. That's the best we got for Travis G. What do you want me to say? It's not his fault. Yeah, we're working with scrap. Oh, it's not his fault. I think that you really added something to those. And I think he was gay, too, which is dope as far as just...

That's what the G stands for. Yeah. Travis Gaye. This is the last one. There we go. Kyle, did you have the farts? I did, I did. I thought that was him.

Okay. It was lame. So his funny addition was just the dancing. He was just dancing. Just goofy dancing. Yeah, it was pretty silly. Oh, my God. Kyle, we need to get you over on the production side. You're wasting your talents and content.

Honestly. EJ, you think Kyle could report to you now as a producer, maybe? Okay. That was sick. So we got to get those guys in here. What's the best Travis out of them? The one with the pregnant lady was the best. Yeah, that made me laugh the most.

I like the prank guy. Yeah, that made me laugh the most. By far. I like the prank guy. Yeah, the nipple clip guy? Yeah. None of the pranks, they were the most underwhelming. None of them were surprised when he yelled. He couldn't even get reactions. He laughed like ridiculousness. Like he would burst out laughing before this shit was even done.

Yeah, him acting like the prank worked even though he didn't is the place. He did funny. Yeah. Oh, my God. I was just pranking people. That's fucking legendary. Damn, so there's a decent amount

of submissions. TJ, did you get many more than that? Yeah, I have like 50 I have to go through this weekend. Wait, I'm sorry. We just went the whole

first hour of the show without talking about Lil Sass' new pants? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Crisp. Actually, that new. You guys would have known that if... I got these when you boys were out in Phoenix. What are those massive creases

doing as if it's the first time they've ever been unfolded? These are definitely new. About a week and a half. Okay. I see you. Where'd you get them from? a half. Okay. I see you. Where'd you get them from? Old Navy. Nice.

Something funny about that, Brandon? I don't know what I expected you to say. Rich boy Brandon is making fun of you. Where else would I gotten that? I don't know what I expected you to say. Louis Vuitton. Yeah, they're Old Navy. Louis Vuitton pants. He laughs like Travis pranking you.

Holy shit. What are you going to do with your long weekend? I might go to Chicago. What are you going to decide? You have to do it like now. Yeah, you do have to decide now. I'll decide by tomorrow. I'm going to fly Sunday and come back Tuesday if I go.

Why Tuesday? We have work on Tuesday. You don't think me flying out of Chicago and finding a house can qualify as work-related? No. Are you going to be making content? I mean, you have your phone. Sure, I will. Oh, how'd the broad off do?

Oh. We never followed up on that. What was the fallout? Were there any broads? I only saw a still photo of Nadeau talking. It looked like he was winning. I don't know. I know Nadeau ended up at dinner with Dante afterwards.

Oh, the capo. What was his caption? It was like some Italian phrase for the captain or something like that. Buca di Beppo. Is that what he said? Yeah. I know what Nick's getting into this weekend. Yeah.

I'm watching NASCAR? No, you're getting into the box in the middle of the room. Oh, yes. I am getting into Manscaped. Oh, I just was unpacking the Manscaped that was on my desk. I didn't know which box to dive into. The facial products or some of that ball deodorant that they had in there. The crop preserver.

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I'm pretty sure Fasoli's just sucking up to his new boss. Zah? One more over. TJ? Uh-huh. No way. There's been a restructure. Interesting.

So KB and Fasoli are both reporting to TJ? Fine by me. No way. TJ, are you a good boss? I hope so. Fuck yeah. I hope so too. For Fas hope so too. For Fasoli's sake. For Fasoli's sake. Not to snitch

on him, but he was just yawning really big. That brings down morale of us. You know this is two-way glass. We could see in there. Our egos are fragile as hell and we acknowledge them at all times. Speaking of which, Fasoli... At dinner? Apologies for the AirPods.

I don't believe it. They're real. It's been proven. By? Oh. Who? I bought them in an Apple box. They were at the Verizon store.

Che said they were. You'll never beat Fasoli. Why are you saying they ain't? I've never seen AirPods with a light on the side of them. What? Are they fake? Kyle, I've never seen that. Are these fake?

No, those are just the newer version. Oh, they're just the newest. They're the best ones. Okay, I apologize. Zaha has the same ones. Zaha has the same ones. Oh! You were laughing around with your crew behind my back about it.

You were like, oh, I knew those fake-ass AirPods were yours. We were all laughing about it. No. You texted me, and I grabbed them, and there was one person, and I laughed after I sent the text message. Did you guys share a laugh? Who was it? Who? Who were you laughing with about my fake AirPods? Stefan. Oh, no. Stefan?

Tell him they're real. Tell him they're real. I will go tell them they're real. Thank you. Apologies. Valentine's looked sublime, though. Thanks. Yours did well. Thank you. The dessert looked incredible.

Where did you go? What did you eat? Little Italy. Oh, very nice. Right by Chinatown. Surrounded by. Yeah. True?

Is it? Yeah. Yeah? You did like a crawl or just what? No, just dinner. No crawl. It looked awesome.

What restaurant? What was it? No, that didn't start with that. That's the sound Fasoli makes when he's thinking. I don't know, boss. That's the sound Fasoli makes when he's thinking. I don't know, boss. That's what happens.

My brain just shuts off. It's fine. I don't remember dinner or restaurant names. No, I don't either. What is the... Brandon, do the teacher and Charlie Brown do that? I forgot. What was it?

Yeah. Why did you ask me to do it? I don't know. Okay. Is your Charlie Brown's age? Eight years old. How old is Charlie Brown's bald ass? Six.

He's got to be older. No. He's older than six. He's six. What? He's got to be. He's a 10. I would say he's 10.

Six. Is he six? All 10. I would say he's 10. Six. Is he six? All right, I believe you. Who's the oldest of Bart Simpson, Cartman, and Charlie Brown? Cartman's fourth grade. Bart Simpson. Bart Simpson. How old is he?

12? 11? No. Is he 10? Lisa's eight. No way he's 12. He's's 8. No way he's 12. He's not 12. I think he's 11.

Charlie Brown's 4 years old? 8 years old. Oh, so they aged him at the beginning and then they stopped aging him. It says 3 to 6. 3 years old? And he's got a fucking lemonade stand? 10. Yeah, Lisa's 8. That lemonade stand? He's got a pumpkin bag. Yeah, Lisa's eight. That makes sense.

That's a good trivia question. Cartman's what, ten too? Yeah, Cartman's ten. Who do you think wins? Why is that penis size for Cartman? Yeah, I guess it's just right there. Charlie Brown has to be the lamest six-year-old of all time.

What? What's lame about Charlie Brown? He's got a crew. He's got anxiety. He's got whacker dudes in his crew. And he's like, capitalism is the downfall of society. He's like Jaden Smith. Yeah, he is. He's exactly like Jaden Smith.

Charlie Brown? What about Pigpen? Linus is the bitch. Linus is the bitch. Linus is a bitch. Pigpen rocks. Linus is a bitch. I went to a-

Pigpen's just broke. A Peanuts play once But it was all grown adults Playing the kids And the man Was walking around on stage With a blankie Sucking his thumb

As Linus I was in that play in college It was troubling A dog eats Or whatever God eats dog Or some shit like that Were you Linus?

I didn't love it I was the I was Pigpen And he grows up to be like Scared of germs Or some shit So I had to eat Potato chips with chopsticks.

Who was the piano player? Schroeder. Schroeder. Schroeder rocked. Yeah, he was cool. He was awesome. No, he was a Nazi. It was the 50s?

Schroeder? What? Uh-oh. Schroeder? Schroeder got pussy? Yes. But he was definitely a Nazi, though. I don't know.

Or maybe a German Jew. Let's talk about the women. Lucy. What's her name? Lucy. And what's the other one? Patty or something? Patty.

Was there Marcy? Marcy was always hanging around Patty, and they were lesbians. No, you're thinking of Patty and Thelma. No, Marcy and Patty were lesbians, right? No, because Patty and Chuck B were going to end up together. I thought Marcy was always hanging around Patty trying to, right? Who, because Patty and Chuck B were going to end up together. I thought Marcy was always hanging around Patty trying to, right? Marcy might have been.

Who's Chuck B? Charlie Brown. Chuck B from Public Enemy. Chuck B. Chuck B. There's a black bro on there too, though, right? Yeah.

Franklin. Franklin. Yeah. Yes. Those are good names. Yeah, they are. Timeless. I don't think I've ever seen

any other ones aside for Charlie Brown's Christmas. There's one where they go to France. Oh, I think I've seen the pumpkin one. Remember the Chateau one where they're like sent to France? What? Are you thinking of Madeline? They did a race, right? They did the Great Race or something?

Charlie Brown? We love our bread. We love our butter. You guys ever watch Madeline? Nah, I was a Wallace and Gromit kid. How old was Madeline? What? I don't know what Madeline is.

Madeline? She's a little French girl. She had Ivy growing up her school. She lived with the nuns, right? Or was it like a boarding school for girls? She lived with nuns? She might have been an orphan or some shit. Yeah.

Huh. Damn. Madeline. Not a lot of stories about 12-year-olds. 10-year-olds are significantly more interesting. How old was fucking Wolfgang? He's younger than you think. Who?

Who's Wolfgang? Amadeus? Bully from Hey Arnold. Oh, he's older than you'd think. Oh, how old was Arnold? Eighth grade? No. Hell no.

He was probably... Arnold? He was third grade, and he was about three foot four, and then Wolfgang was a fourth grader, one grade, and he was six foot tall. Yeah, chin hair. Arnold had to be older than that. Walking around.

We're the same age as Stew Pickles now. Yeah, that sucks. Recess was fourth graders too, I'm pretty sure. Yeah, it might have been. Pepper Ann was seventh grade. Arnold Shortman. Yeah, she was younger than that. Pepper Ann?

Yeah. Much too cool for seventh grade. Don't play me. She's one in a million. That was the best than that. Pepper Ann? Yeah. Much too cool for seventh grade. Don't play me. She's one in a million. That was the best theme song. Pepper Ann, Pepper Ann. Much too cool for seventh grade. She's like one in a million.

Me and Sass are missing this on other sides of the... Sass, what was the big one for you growing up? The cartoon you would consider like the most sticks with you i had spongebob oh yeah old spongebob he's like 36 right yeah he's old i don't know and how old steamboat willie eight i don't know no he's driving he was driving a boat. He was a captain of a steamboat. Yeah, so he was 22? I bet he was older than that.

As a captain? Yeah, he couldn't be captain. He didn't know he made captain at 22. He was probably still a deckhand. Did we know that he was a captain? Steering. Did he commandeer the ship? I don't know.

I don't know the plot of Steamboat Willie. I don't either. Was there a plot? Certainly. I just remember that video game where it starts with Steamboat Willie, that Disney video game on Sega. Does anyone remember this? I don't. I don't. A reference by me. Y'all ever played Cuphead?

Yeah. Really, really good animation. It's hard. It is hard. It's one of the hardest games. It's impossible. Yeah, it's a classic Japanese run and gun. I can beat a lot of it. I can't touch it. I can't beat it. You put me on one board. I can't do anything. It's really. It is hard. It's one of the hardest games. It's impossible. Yeah, it's a classic Japanese run and gun. I can beat a lot of it. I can't touch it. I can't beat... They put me on one board. I can't do anything.

It's really, really well made, though. Bullet hell, yeah. Does he fuck with Japanese culture like that? It's not a Japanese game, but it's inspired by those games. It's almost like a 20s American comic. It's all hand-drawn or something? Yeah. I don't know how that works.

That's one of the more simple concepts to understand. In the game, though? Yeah, it's just like drawing frame by frame, like an old-timey cartoon. So there's a little man in your TV and he's drawing all the frames rapidly and putting them up against the glass. There we go.

Why don't you say it like that? Should've. If I had $50 million, I would take all of us to Japan. What if you had $10 million? Oh, I'd know. Has to be $50 million, I would take all of us to Japan. What if you had $10 million? Oh, I don't know. It has to be $50? $50 million. That's so exact.

Would we go to Tokyo and hang out, or would we go to rural Japan and really get into the culture? We'd have to go to Tokyo. We would talk about it. We would talk about it all. I'd like to go to some wrestling shows. I assume you're going to have $50 million at some point, so I'd like to go ahead and plan this. I think I will, but it would be awesome. Go to have a day off in Kyoto?

Kyoto. Phoebe Bridgers. I have $50 million. Yeah? How much? I have $50. Where are you going to take us? Where do you want to go?

I'm serious. Achu Picchu? Sure, fine. Uruguay? I want to go to Nepal. Okay. Did you see the plane that tried going to Nepal? Oh, to go to Nepal. Okay. Did you see the plane that tried going to Nepal?

Oh, yeah, I did, yeah. Fortunately, I did, too. Yeah, that seems horrifying. We might need a train to Nepal. Yeah, filled with hazardous chemicals. What happened to the plane going to Nepal? It crashed hard. Nick. Crashed.

What? I avoid, I have every... I think I sent it to the group chat while you were at the airport and told you no I was on the plane live stream of it go like no I uh I have the word crash and plane and even turbulence like muted on yeah yeah the guy was watching plane crashes on the plane two rows ahead of me in the aisle as we were about to take off. I was like, what the fuck are you doing? I almost beat his ass. You should have.

I should have almost beat the shit out of his ass. I was really thinking about doing it. That isn't insane. That should be illegal. Yeah, why was he doing that? Probably trying to scare other people. He's like a businessman. That's how he got his rocks off? That's how he got his jollies? Yeah.

By giving me a fright? Don't like that. People shouldn't be giving people frights. I don't like being fragile enough to be frightened by people. Now the Pepper Ann song is fucking... I'm just sitting here singing it in my head. It's Pepper Ann. He's too cool for seventh grade.

She came after recess. They would go back to 7th grade. She came after Recess. They would go back to back on UPN. I have to explain. Recess rocked. 15 minute cartoons. Yeah. Her name is TJ in Recess. Main character.

Yes, TJ Detweiler. I had the Muppet Babies. You had the Muppet Babies? Yeah. That song was a dude that... Pee Wee's Playhouse. Pee Wee's Playhouse was funny yeah it was archie and jughead when did those come out a long time ago at the 40s did you fuck with uh when you were a newspaper

man did you fuck with the cartoons the funny papers no that's the one page you didn't have to worry about why that's all automated that's all um you just buy those i used to love family circus oh yeah i related didn't like marmaduke i liked foxtrot i like dilbert why that's awesome anybody a beetle bailey guy nah fluffy smith was beetle bailey related to there was a comic universe beetle bailey was the cousin of some some other, right? Hagar the Horrible? Maybe, because it was the same style. Oh.

I embarrassingly read a lot of Kathy. You read a lot of Kathy? What's that? She was like a middle-aged woman who drank and worked at an office. You pull her up. She was like high stress before high stress was a thing.

Tina Fey's character in 30 Rock is very Kathy-ish. Are you guys all Calvin and Hobbes? No, I didn't like Calvin and Hobbes. You didn't like Calvin and Hobbes. I loved Calvin and Hobbes. I never had it. It's the best. I never had it.

I used to have a bunch of books. Calvin and Hobbes, Farside. Farside, yes, bro. Farside's awesome. That was incredible. That was our big bathroom book growing up. We had a huge thing of the Farside. Oh, we got Farside galleries, those big ones?

Matt and dilbert to this day i always say to pat like when we encounter a lady out whatever i see like a purple pt cruiser or i see like i don't know but i call them kathy's like people talk about karen's from like that lady or i don't know i can't explain it but what are some of the characteristics of a kathy kathy is like the woman in office space who says, case of the mundus. Like, that's a Kathy lady. I think she even has a Kathy cartoon in her thing. Do we have any Kathys in this office, or you don't want to say? I'm thinking Smoker's

voice, raspy, untamed hair a little bit. Yeah, just ladies. There's a certain... If you think Kathy is funny, you're a very specific kind of person. I just know it when I see it. I can't explain it. How many wine people, live, laugh, love type of shit?

Just wine moms. Wine mom energy, but older, like a slightly older generation. How many of the comic strips were just sitting there in every newspaper and nobody ever laughed at them at all? There was like non-sequitur was one. There was one with like an old radio DJ that I didn't think was, I never got. People were, you guys were laughing at these? I would DJ that I didn't think was... I never got. People were... You guys were laughing at these? I would laugh.

I used to. For some, I would laugh at. I never got the art. Farside is funny. I don't know what makes it good. Slylock Fox was a good one for solving mysteries. I didn't like Dick Tracy, though. Slylock is a little bit dangerous.

What's one of the funniest ever... What's it sound like? Farside. No, what's the one individual one? My favorite Farside is where a spider is on a web, and he surprises a guy, and he has a bag, and he says, I scare you or what? And the spider has shit himself.

The way I said it isn't funny at all. It's tough to convey comics. He would be like a single frame a lot of the time. Oh, yeah, it was clever. It would be like, time Oh yeah it was clever And the kids like pushing the pull door Yeah the mid-bail school for the gifted Everyone describe in detail Your favorite comic I was a big Mad Magazine kid too

Cracked? What? No I didn't know anything about that How long did that run? I think Cracked was the? Cracked? No. I didn't know anything about that. How long did that run? I think Cracked was the knockoff Mad Magazine. They were parallel for funny guys to write.

Oh, I didn't like Mad Magazine because I got made fun of for being Alfred E. Newman a lot. Ears? There it is. That is cute. Hey, Bob, did I scare you or what? And it's he shit himself. That's a good one. Okay. No, it's funny. It's cute. I don't feel nothing. Bob, his name's a good one. Okay. No, it's funny.

It's cute. I don't feel nice. Bob, his name being Bob is funny. No. Okay. Yeah, I don't get it. I don't get it. Would you read that and be like, laugh?

Comics are more of like an exhale. Yeah. No, that's funny. They're like borderline riddles. That's funny. You're like, oh, I get it. Yeah, that's all it is. Oh, I's funny. They're like borderline riddles. That's funny. You're like, oh, I get it. Yeah, that's all it is. Oh, I get it.

You only laugh if you had to show someone else that you got it. Even like, that's too much. It's more like a... I think the first time I saw that one, I laughed hysterically. My ribs hurt. Really? Yeah. That's hilarious.

I mean, the internet wasn't around. That's what we had, yeah. Yeah, that's hilarious i mean the internet wasn't around yeah i guess that's what we had yeah that's what you had like so a doctor's office there was a book a far side gallery you pick it up and there are four to each page and and it was fucking funny i think i used to have like a far side daily calendar the midvale i had that the midvale school for the gifted is like on every is in a lot of teachers rooms or something. Yes. Used to be a big thing. Of course making fun of handicapped children. Well it wasn't I don't think it was implied that

that kid was handicapped was it? He was gifted. He was extra smart and it was that he didn't know to pull the push door. So you can be smart but no common sense. Huh. What Gary Larson's doing these days is he alive i hope so i'm sure he is yeah who's the other one that was like comic strip writers don't die young

the dilbert comic strip writer he like married a super hot 20 year old i think they're divorced carl schultz lived to like 90 yeah who wrote garfield what's his name name? Jim Davis? Scott Davis. Jim Davis, right? Yeah. He's still kicking. Dr. Seuss cheated on his way. He's catching some flack, I think. Jim Davis?

He's still, like, for recent works. Oh. Let me see. Y'all ever read Garfield minus Garfield? No. It's a Twitter account, right? It was a blog, and now it's Twitter. But it just takes Garfield out and just has the man, John, talking.

And it reveals a haunted man. Really? Yeah. Because the cat can't talk, obviously. So in real life, if John's talking to the cat, nobody's talking back. So they just take the cat out, and you see what he's actually saying. What kind of shit does he say? It's like existential crises?

Yeah, stuff like that. There's a Twitter account, I think, called Pipe Garfield. And so it's this one Garfield comic strip that it ends with Garfield just smoking this pipe. But they put it at the end frame of all Garfield comic strips and it makes them all funnier. Look at him. Oh, that's sad. Just take Garfield out and he's just a sad guy. That's sad.

Oh, my God. Yeah. I like that. Poor bastard. All right. Yeah, who has a ton of energy. Oh. A vehicle that goes very fast.

Huh? Talking about some sort of car? I'm talking about high-energy car. Nick, do you have any clue? It's got to be NASCAR, right? It's NASCAR. Oh, okay. Yep.

Sure is. Am I reading? You sound really good. The ball's in your court. Well, tune into Fox at 2.30 Eastern time on February 19th for the Daytona 500. Spider got, who got him? MP got him that sick jacket, the M&M NASCAR jacket today that he's wearing around the office. The 75th anniversary of NASCAR.

Daytona 500 is considered the most prestigious and important race in NASCAR and has opened the NASCAR season every February since 1982. This year, Jimmy Johnson will make his NASCAR Cup Series return, first time since 2020, and Travis Pastrana is attempting to qualify for the Daytona 500 the 19th at 2.30 p.m. Eastern Time, the Daytona 500 NASCAR. I used to go, well, at the races, the thing I like to do is you get your friend to hold the camera kind of far, and you open your mouth, and then they record video, and it makes it look like you're eating all the cars. Like, they come around the track, and it's like... We got to get you to the Leaning Tower of Pisa. I bet you have something crazy up your sleeve.

Yeah. Wait a second. Pretty cool. We gotta get Kate to Pisa. Yeah. Somebody's gotta poke a banana. Is that what we're doing with that? I just ate a banana. I poked a whole banana into my

fucking throat. We can't just put it on the pile? Let's do it on Tuesday. Put it on the pile. What, are we gonna poke a banana in here or should we just spin a wheel and one person pokes a banana and that's the show? That's it. We can do it. All right, let's spin it. Let's do Eliminator.

I'll be pissed if it's me. I feel like it would be gross if we all had to poke the same banana hole. I'm going to go get the banana. Okay. It'll probably be me. The rich get richer. Oh, look behind you. I already have some banana.

Hmm. That's probably the best. Oh, is this Eliminator? Where are we poking with this? Thank you. Fucking cock. Yeah. How did this end up on the wheel?

I don't remember. Looks like I'm safe. Were you here for poking anything? We all were. Stop throwing the banana because you're going to ruin the banana. I won't ruin it. Let's not flip the banana. This might end somebody's career today.

Oh, my God. What a nice fall palette. That is it. Oh, look at that. Oh, I can smell. Notice how late the sun's starting to set? Yep. Love it. Love it it It was 65 degrees that time Beautiful

I thought we were going to go the whole winter without snow But I think there's snow in the forecast for next week No way I like could go away. Would this be the first year ever we got no snow? This is crazy.

Other places around the country are getting lots of snow. It's like going across the south today. There's a ton of huge, real bad storms. Oh, fuck. Sass, man. I'm sorry. I don't know what I'm supposed to do I'm just supposed to poke the banana Okay can I see the banana

Sure You're not going to believe this Ron No no no You gotta open the banana Why It doesn't say poke peeled Sass isn't game for anything It's the easiest thing ever.

I'll poke the banana. I just don't understand what the point of this. I'd like to see you poke the tip. Oh, fuck. Penetrate it. You've got to penetrate it, bro. You have to penetrate it without it breaking. That's not a poke.

I thought your finger had to go in through the top all the way in. Through the top? Yeah, like through and curved. Yeah, you've got to get up to the top. Oh. That was awesome. Great, great job.

Zass didn't even fucking poke the banana. Such fucking bullshit. Lazy ass. Dave, hire me. I'll poke three times as many bananas for half the price.

If I was on that show, I'd be poking bananas. He doesn't even fucking get how good of a job he has. I'd be poking bananas all fucking day. Did you just wipe it on your sock? I don't know where else to wipe it. I brought this piece of paper. I gotta go, though.

I gotta go film something. All right, man. All right. See you all on Tuesday. Yeah. Thanks for listening. And, yeah. Break.

Break. Break.......... you