The Yak - KB's Rollercoaster Episode And Danal Beers Is Down BAD

Episode Date: July 15, 2021

Does anyone know the first 2 states alphabetically?You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. We were talking about the Barstool Athletics program. Nick thinks that Kyle is down bad because he's giving away all the expensive items. He's not here today. It's so funny how that's like when you learn about talking to your friends about bad dark times. They're like, if your friend starts giving away their expensive things, that's like the number one thing that they say. And he gave me his hoverboard last week. He has no regard for any of his objects anymore.

He gave me his bed. You took his bed? Yeah, he's sleeping on the floor. I just got a DM from his sister. Hey, Nick, sorry to bother you, but my mom's been trying to contact Kyle. Is this a bit? I'm confused.

Let me see that. That's actually kind of alarming. Okay, now I'm actually working. He texted us saying he was going to be a few minutes late, like five minutes ago. Yikes. Fuck you, Nick. You think suicide's funny, bro? You think it's funny to joke about?

Kyle, suicide's funny. It does his when he jumps into a vat of needles. Yeah. I heard it was the least painful way. Dude, do you? Do you? You know, if Kyle killed himself, he would jump into the 9-11 memorial. Yeah, he would.

Just find the big... I should have gone with them. I was born in the wrong generation. He posts on Craigslist looking for a big man to squeeze me hard and just have a safe word and never say it. Squeeze to death. You just get squeezed to death by a 400-pounder. Born too late to explore the world. Born too early to explore space.

Born right at the perfect time to kill yourself in the 9-11. You could just sit in a sauna for like 40 minutes. That's like legit death. When we went to the Super Bowl in Minnesota, Liam fell asleep in the sauna, drunk. That's bad. It turned off, thank God. Yeah, that's bad. But I found him in the sauna at like 8 a.m. when we had a flight.

Bad. That's really bad. There's a wrench on the door. He put the wrench in the door to make sure no one could open it. We have callers up and running, right? Yeah, but let's do it tomorrow. You can only call in and say how Kyle will kill himself

from now on. For today's show. That's our new hotline. It's a suicide hotline. It's a suicide recommendation hotline. Yeah, it's his suicide hotline. This is a great plug for the dog walk draft. Worst Ways to Die Out Now. Yeah, who won that?

They're not releasing a poll for some reason. What? Too dark? I guess they all died. By the way, the answer is drown. Wrong. It's rabies. I think it's scabies.

I think drowning would be just the worst. I think burning. Burning? The Brazilian president's in the hospital right now because he's had the hiccups for 10 days. What? Sugar glass of water, dude. Somebody needs to scare him. I mean, he's in the ER and not scared still.

Yeah, they're probably CT scanning him, MRI, and he won't get scared. They give him a terminal diagnosis and he's still not scared. You can't die from hiccups because right before you're about to die, you're like, oh. And you're gone. You're fine. Do you really think you'd be drowning? Definitely not. Doesn't something good happen to your brain?

I think drowning, you become unconscious pretty quick. No, but think about it. No, that's not true. It's rabies. Isn't there a period of high before you die? Yeah, there's like three minutes, and then you go high, and you feel incredible. Really? Think about the moment where you're like, I can't get out of here.

I can't. That moment of not being able to breathe. But that would happen with most scenarios of dying. You thinking of that Pearl Harbor scene? Someone shot me in the back of the head. Yeah. That wouldn't be so bad. That's the way to go.

Right? Do you like Lenny from Mice and Men. You'd rather drown than get shot execution style? I absolutely did not say that. No, but I'm asking. I want an open casket. No. You don't get an open casket if you drown.

As someone who's most likely going to have to pay for your funeral, no. Why not? It depends on how long you're in the water after you drown. If you're like, all right, he's dead. Pull him out. I'm ready. I'm ready to present. What face would you make before you got guillotined? I don't know why.

It stays like that. I would probably do a silly face. Yeah, I was like. All right, let's do a goofy one. Not guillotined. All right, let's do a crazy one. I won't post it. Yeah, I don't know.

Maybe I'm wrong about drowning. I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong about drowning. I don't know. No, drowning is one of the most, like, every time I hear people are, like, either drowning or burning. Have you ever been in the ocean or, like, in a water situation where you have kind of gotten confused and not knowing where, like, the top. Yeah, it's very scary.

Yeah, I mean, me and Roan talked about this on the last episode of Son of a Boy Dad podcast available on apple podcast spotify and youtube that's the thing we all plug our i want to end the show right now we all plug our podcast a whole lot i'm sorry he did that i didn't that was awkward that was awkward for you roan i know i feel like this i had to i had to you didn't have to. It was eating me inside. But it didn't add anything to the discourse. I know. But we did say that drowning was bitch made.

We were saying you're a bitch if you drown. In a lake. In a lake. In a lake. Oh, yeah. That is. Drowning in fresh water is bitch made. Yeah.

I'm talking about drowning in like you're surfing and you're under the undertow and it's like, holy shit. You get tumbled. What is it called when it pulls you out? Oh, riptide. Riptide. Riptide is terrifying. Correct. Yeah.

Not dead. Imagine if you were swimming and you got caught in a riptide. Now you're out like a mile out and there's nothing you can do. Okay, but imagine you wake up. Imagine you wake up in your bed. Sit over there. Hey, buddy. You good?

Hey, buddy. You good? Hey, bud. Fucking Nick made us think that you were suicidal for the first ten minutes of the show. Oh, yes. Yeah, I tried something different today. What did you do? What? What did you do? Oh, suicide.

You tried, huh? What were your 13 reasons why? Enough of that. It's great, though, because Nick is, you know, when you're like thinking to yourself, like, there's at least some lines that Nick won't cross. And then he sits down and he's like, Kyle's been acting really weird and he's not here today. We were like, there's no way Nick would take it to this level. There's no way Nick would... I'm the king of controversy.

Make us truly concerned for our friend. But no, he will. Stirring the pot, dude. You're always stirring the fucking pot, Nick. I actually all word and concerned.

Yeah, we need a teen drama that actually romanticizes suicide because 13 Reasons Why didn't do it for me. It was just too corny. We need a show that sexualizes suicide. Fifty Shades of Suicide.

I don't want it to be romanticized. 13 Reasons Why was like, what is the other show about high school? Is it Euphoria? Riverdale.

Riverdale, Euphoria. Euphoria. They're like the most unrealistic shows of all time. One Tree Hill. Sounds like you were just a loser. What's the other show about high school? It's like every show.

Okay, but 13 Reasons Why. Dawson's Creek. Glee. I've seen like the part of the second season of 13 Reasons Why where there's like a school shooter and like the kids coming into school. The kids coming into school with like a massive gun. Super bad? 10 Things I a massive gun. Super bad? 10 things I hate about you.

Super bad. His buddy goes up and he grabs the barrel of the gun. And he's like, you don't have to do this. American Pie 1? In a school shooting scenario, that would never happen. Two? I got more. I got three more.

I'm going to save them in case we need them. For later on or for right now? Yeah, just in case we need them. Call back. If people run out, I got some. I was thinking, what are the shows that are like about high school that aren't realistic? Everyone says Euphoria. Everyone's like, this is not like high school at all.

I don't think any of them. I thought Euphoria was pretty realistic because it's the most extreme things that happen in high schools. I feel like every high school had something crazy. Yeah, had one chick who was fucking the captain of the football team's dad because she was a prostitute. Yo, what's up, brother? My man's taking a little video of us. I was about to get caught candid. I think they're the boys that brought in that nice spread of Italian.

That's just Jared. That's Jared and Spider. It has to be. Did you guys see that picture of Jared? Can we bring that guy in just so we can... You should put that on your refrigerator. He's going to explode. That might be cannabis.

That's what you're going to look like. That's cannabis. That is cannabis. He found weed and lost the gym. He must be taking insane amounts of steroids. Who? Karachi. Karabas.

I don't think so. You see the picture of him? Yeah. His arms are like... He's fat on Friday every day of the week, brother. Yeah, he had wide arms. His arms have doubled in size since the last time he was in the office. He has a Funhaus app, Funhaus Mirror app on his iPhone.

It makes him look broader. It literally looked like someone distorted the picture. Did you guys eat that Calabresi? Yeah, I think that's where these guys are from. The spider Karabas. Where is it? Where is the pizza shop? Yeah, I think that's where these guys are from, the Spider Carrabbas. Where is it? Where is the pizza shop? Yeah, where is it?

I don't know. I think it's got to be in New York. I think that, Stephen, you said they put their one-bite score on their boxes. It was a pretty high score. They did, 8.9, so I mean, thank you, Dave Portnoy. 8.9. Pretty elite za back there. You might want to take a run, KB.

Is that why you wore your Italian shirt today, Stephen? No, coincidental. I didn't know we were getting this until I got here. But they also have eggplant. I don't know if it's parm, but some type of eggplant. Wait, don't you always poop? No, they have eggplant. Those sentences didn't fit together.

No. What do you mean? You're like, no, it's coincidental that I wore this shirt today, but they also have eggplants. There should have been a period separate. But there's also a revolution going on in Cuba right now. What does that have to do with? What's the eggplant angle here?

It's my favorite Italian food. That's true. Can we maybe see how much eggplant you could eat? Yeah. We'll let you in the big room. We'll let you in the big boy's table. I had one and a half plates in about six minutes, and I already feel sick.

Okay, so let's get you some more. The nightshades just don't agree with you, Che. Let's get you some more, big boy. It wasn't really the nightshades. It was more just that I ate it too fast. What do you mean the nightshades? It's a type of fruit. That's what an eggplant is, isn't it?

Is it a nightshade? Yeah, because it's purple. I don't know. What else is that? Nightshades are like onions and peppers. No, no, no. Onions are white. I also thought that.

Sass, you and I got it. I didn't say anything, so I didn't want to be wrong. You and your son and the boy dad downloaded it on YouTube. Thank you, brother. We needed that. You can't download it on YouTube, but thanks. You can download it on YouTube. Can you?

I could rip the video and put it on my own YouTube. You should do that. I should do it every on my own YouTube. You should do that. I should do it every time you drop it. You should do that. I would be totally fine with that. Your own personal YouTube? Mm-hmm. That's what Sass tried to do, and the company wrestled it away from him.

They did? They said, you're not about to have anything personal here. They've taken your YouTube away? No. They wouldn't let me make a YouTube for Son of a Boy Dead. They wanted me to post it on my YouTube. Oh, because they want yours to pop.

I have some other theories. It's probably strategic. Oh, hello. Tell us. Is he hot or is his name just Little Sass? Did you see that

viral TikTok? Want to pull that one up? It was a girl. It's gone. Don't bring it up. All right. Come on, let me see it a girl. It's gone. Don't bring it up. All right. Come on, let me see it. Okay.

No. It's not a big deal. It was a dumb TikTok. No, it was cute. They sexualized him. I laughed and laughed and laughed at it. What'd they say? It was cool.

They sexualized him. It was like this trend where you dance in the street and there's texts that pop up and it's like, is he hot or is he blank? A firefighter. Or is he just blank? Yeah. And then it's something that they perceive as like- Is he hot or is he parap? A firefighter. Or is he just blank? Yeah. And then it's something that they perceive as like... Is he hot or is he paraplegic?

It actually applied to all of us. And the last one was, is he hot or is his name just Little Sass? It was a girl like prancing around New York City, like dancing, looking good. It could be another Little Sass. The first one was, is he hot or does he just work at Barstool? So they were both about you. No, that was about you guys Someone commented

I swear to god Some of us here are singy for the summer Yeah I guess Was this chick hot No they were attractive It's Dukes' friend And she has a boyfriend So? That's never stopped you.

They call him a little savage. I don't know what that means. It means that you love fucking girls that got boyfriends. No, I don't do that. You don't love it or you don't do it? Harry the Homewrecker? Oh, jeez. Oh, no.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Here's a hand wicker. Oh, fuck, I got it. How many eggplants do you think Big Cat could afford? Eggplants? You see, if we move some money around, if we move some money around, I think, how many eggplants could Big Cat fill broken homes due to

Harry? If only we had a narrator. Big cat could fill every mansion in Beverly Hills. Twice. He always sneaks in the twice. He does sneak in the twice.

You think he's not that rich, then it's like he's rich. And then you lose your shit. What? Twice. It's like, oh, he's rich. Why, sir? And then you lose your shit. What? Christ. Christ. Those voices, like, from shit like that, I just, like, don't understand. Like, you know the new TikTok voice?

We've talked about this before, but I just can't get over how bad it is. I thought you hated TikTok. You kind of talk about TikTok a lot for someone that hates TikTok. I didn't even bring it up, bro. What do you mean? You guys brought. I didn't even bring it up, bro. You did. What? What do you mean? You guys brought it up. You just brought it up.

You brought up TikTok before, and now I'm on TikTok. Oh, so that's like the rest of the day we brought it up. Zach brings it up at like 8 o'clock. He's like, well, no, those guys brought it up. You amaze me every single time. You grandfathering mentions. I actually don't like TikTok, and I know it's hard to believe because everyone's like, oh, I thought you deleted TikTok. You like it.

I hate it. You don't have to have an opinion on it, though. You don't have to care about it one way or another, and you can still talk about it. You don't have to qualify not liking it or talking about it with saying you don't like it. Yeah. Yeah, I guess. You sound so naive. Roan, Roan, Roan.

Oh, buddy. I'm stupid. I fucked around and I wore pants today because Nick's been wearing pants and I was tired of showing my fucking knees off. Damn, everyone's on pant mode. I know. And you used to be the pant god. But it's hot.

I know. It sucks. But not in here. You won't catch me in shorts. I'll wear shorts if it's over 95. And that's it. That's where you draw the line. There was that one day that was 97. I was in shorts. I'll wear shorts if it's over 95. And that's it. That's where you draw the line. There was that one day that was 97.

I was in shorts. I saw you. Yeah. No, today's hot. Is it hot? Today's hot. It's not that bad today. Low 80.

We lost all the cloud coverage. It was good radio. You don't have anything nice to say? Talk about the weather. Yeah. Yeah, it's been really hot. It's pretty hot, yeah. It's been really hot for July.

It's going to get cool, though. Yeah, it's going to. I actually heard it was going to rain sometime this week. Bummer. High of 88 today. High of 88? Hot. Oh, yeah, that's hot. Is it just global? It's dry heat. It's the guy

who sings, I smell sex and candy. Marcy Playgrounds. That's who you look like. Yes, Thank you. Same face. Should we talk about Dana B? Maybe not. Yeah, sure. Let's talk about Dana B.

He's down bad. He's down bad. Real bad. He just needs to beer tweet his way out. I don't, is he though? Oh, yeah. He just went on the rundown

and he's like, I can't even sleep at night because I feel so guilty. He's a scumbag. He said that? Yeah. What is this about? Oh, that's going to the wedding. So he went on the Portnoy show. Overcorrection.

Yep. And Dave basically was like, it's not up for debate. You're just a scumbag. And it's like the fame has gotten to your head. I'm paraphrasing what Austin told me because I haven't listened. I feel like for him, it's like he should realize at this point Dave is just trying to fuck with him.

No. You, I think. Like, you don't think so? No, I think this one's a little different. Did he have a defense? Not really. That he can't sleep at night. Yeah. I would say this one's a little different because the Marina element.

Like, Dave and Marina are very close. She was legitimately upset, right? Yeah. And so, Dave will defend Marina. He also did say that he RSVP'd no a month ago. Yeah, but then to be like, if you're that close of friends with someone. Well, I'm not going to Rowan's wedding. But if you're that close of friends with someone. You're not?

What the fuck? Not going to their wedding is fine. Not going to their wedding and being drunk at aucs game is a different story. He would probably feel better if he realized that the fame is going to a lot of people's heads right now. Yeah. You've been on this. You're right. Me and Art have been talking about this.

So who's feeling the fame? It's just the Barstool vs. America crew. Nah, it's me too. Oh, Jesus. Nah, it's me too. Oh, all right. And it's Nick in some ways. I don't disagree with you, by the way.

I can't get over the standing on the tables at the bar. Because go to Jersey Shore and they're all undeniable. Wait, wait, wait. Okay, so Owen is lumped into this. He was there. No, no. Owen's not lumped into this. He was there.

He was there. Owen texted us. And Owen texted me and told me what was happening. And I didn't stand on anything. Yeah, he was like, dude, everyone's standing up on the tables. It's one thing to get drunk. All right, were they just drunk snitching? We were snitching. Okay. He was snitching, everyone's like standing up on the table. It's one thing to get drunk. Were they just drunk? He was snitching.

Oh, it was out there, fucking dry snitching. How many stages could Big Cat afford? What were you about to say, Kenny? Were they just, people get drunk and stand on things, or was it because they thought they were rock stars? They said that Fun Anthony cleared other people off of the stage so they could get on the stage.

He was shoving people to the ground. I heard that Fun Anthony speared somebody out of it. Where does the fun stop and the evil begin? July is when their Jersey Shore house is done. So do you think they'll be back to normal? I hope so. Or maybe they just get taken down a peg. I don't know.

I don't know how it's going to go. But Nick is complicit as well. He put his cigarette out. What was it? Like a burger or something like that? It's just gone to my head. Once every other week, a dude wearing a vest and thigh dye will come up to me and be like, Yo, can you FaceTime Big Cat?

And I'm just like, alright, I'm famous. Alright, I made it. Start demanding free food places and shit like that. Try to get into Hampton's parties or a table in Montauk when you don't have a reservation. I'm tired of hearing the word Montauk, Parker House, Shore, DJ. No. Because you've been in the, Wood Shore, DJ. No. Because you've been in the city all summer, bro. You can't stay in the city in the summer.

Everyone is there. I'm tired of the summer. You're tired of people talking about seashells. The summer stinks. The summer stinks. I'm not lying. I'm just constantly sweating. I understand you're trying to be electric right now, but this is banana land. I'm being serious.

I understand what you're trying to do. I get it. Oh, I get it. So you're not a summer guy. No. KB's summer rant. It's just fucking hot. It's miserable.

Come on, dude. KB's summer shit is not my favorite. You're just constantly uncomfortable. KB, you should do this for every season because I assume that you just hate every season. Fucking fall. I don't like leaves crunching under my feet. What is there to dislike about fall? Not much.

Fall's a great season. I do have a sensory aversion to stepping on leaves. So there you go. And I'll wear my heart on my sleeve when it comes to that. It's like packaged peanuts rubbing up against each other or like nails on a chalkboard. It just gives you the willies. Really?

That's not it for me, but like styrofoam rubbing against each other. I find it quite pleasant. Yeah, no, he's not saying that. Oh, he's saying that's like an example. Other people have. Yeah, yeah, I get that. Accenture version.

What's your top? Freaks. Freaks have that. What's your top foot feel? You're like half listening to what he's saying. What's your number one foot feel? My top foot feel is probably stepping on marble in like clacky shoes. How often are you wearing clacky shoes?

I don't know. Tap dancing down in New Orleans? I've seen him wear some clogs. One time I stepped in dog shit with my bare feet. Running, running, running, running. That was probably my worst one. Yeah, definitely. We were talking about best.

Just sunk in between all my toes. Okay, now let's try the best. You just wanted to tell us that. I wanted to tell you that. You did that on purpose. I like a thick, warm grass. Yeah. Thick grass?

Thick grass? No, but... Your foot's not even reaching the dirt. It's just standing on top of the grass. Thick is not the right word. I would imagine plush. It's not overgrown. Yeah, like really well-grown grass. Dense grass.

I would imagine stepping on a putting green with no shoes would feel extremely good. So grass. Unless there's dog shit on there. Kind of like a plush grass. That'd be another form of grass. Why do you guys all look at me like that was the craziest thing anyone's ever said?

Well, because we were talking about grass, and then you just went more grass. Well, that, but it's a different type of grass. I would do... I'm like, dude, if I could maybe take off my shoes in the outfield of a baseball field. Yo. Or like when you get to France. Yeah. So imagine if you go.

Circadian rhythm is off. Y'all just scared of you. You go from UK to France. But I said that because you said that. We were talking about grass and I said grass and all of a sudden I'm looking. Give us another form of grass. Football field. I've thought of all the forms of grass that I could.

Can you please give us another one? Wheat grass Turf Buckwheat Turf, I agree No, turf sucks Fake turf, yeah, that's terrible With the rubber

Sand No I was thinking the other day Because I don't really love the beach And I don't think I could afford nice enough beaches to enjoy Yeah, that's actually, that's a real thing Didn't you have bread bowls? You had bread bowls You had bread bowls.

You had bread bowls, brother. No. I disagree. I just need the waves to pummel me. I want to be pummeled. I want to be tossed around. I want to be taught a lesson. I want to learn how small I really am. Dislocate a shoulder. Were the waves at Jersey Shore huge? No.

Really? Sash, you need to go to Jersey Shore with those guys. Stand on a table. Throw a napkin in the air. You have fun. Nah. I'm going home this weekend. I'm not going to Jersey Shore. Because I hate sand because it's dark and rocky, but then you see pictures of Santorini.

Yeah, no, there are really nice beaches. I don't know what you're talking about. It's cliffs. There are really nice beaches. There's white sand in Santorini. Yeah. Santorini doesn't have beaches, brother. I don't know what you're talking about. It's cliffs. There are really nice beaches. There's white sand in Santorini. I went to a red sand beach in Hawaii. Am I wrong?

That was sick. No white sand in Santorini. There's black sand. I've never been to Hawaii. Damn. Damn. I was going to say someday. Stop fishing for us.

Honestly, no. You're never going to make it. Probably not. Definitely not. You won't go. Definitely not. You won't go. Pearl Harbor would be fantastic. My family went on vacation. I stayed't go. Definitely not. He won't go. Pearl Harbor would be...

My family went on vacation. I stayed home. I'm not kidding. Actually, no. Skip bars. Are you guys going to go to Italy, I would assume? I don't think so. You would assume?

Because of Donnie? Probably not. I've been fishing for the invite to Italy. I'm still trying to get a passport. One of the most confusing things in the world. Really? Is it a passport? You go to the passport office and they give you one.

Well, you can't expedite it. Why are you trying to expedite it? I was contacting our senator. We were going to go to fucking Tokyo for the Olympics. My lifelong dream. You helped make that almost... You just got my hopes up and then it was...

So I actually... I'm to blame. I would rather have not even got my hopes up. Donnie told us in December to get passports, so I asked for one for Christmas. You asked? I asked my mom for a passport. That was my big Christmas gift. It was on your list.

Yeah, that was my big Christmas gift for a passport. She had to do everything for you, fill out all the forms? Yeah, all I had to do was go get my picture taken. What'd you get last Christmas? Your cavities filled? I don't know what I got. Can you apply to college for me? So, yeah, I got a passport.

My mom, it was a great gift. She got me a leather case to college for me? So I got a passport. My mom. It was a great gift. She got me a leather case, too. And Kyle said he did, too. Did you prostate check for Chris? Mom, did you floss me for Chris? I did lie and say I did. I didn't want to go to Tijuana.

But now it's backfiring. Mightily. What, are you going to go to Tijuana? Do you have one? Yes. And you're going to go? Yes. I don't have one.

Alone, because Donnie's is expired. Okay, go then. But see, you should have. The problem is I know KB well enough now. But if you want to get him to do something, you just have to say it's somehow wrestling related or adjacent. Nope, still doesn't. No, that's why he's trying. I pulled every trick in the book.

I contacted senators from four different states. Minnesota, I lied. How quick do you need it by? West Virginia. I contacted senators from four different states. Minnesota, I lied. How quick do you need it by? West Virginia, Massachusetts. You did 9-11, all their flight information in Minnesota. The Olympics is going on right now, right? It's going on in a couple weeks. I thought it started already.

Well, August 20th. There's like a couple. You didn't think that. I did think that. Steve has me? You got me, brother? It's next Friday is the opening ceremony. Guarantee you can't.

But there's also like, there are some events that have started. You can get me one in two weeks. Yeah, I think if you go to the post office, you can get it in two weeks. You can rush it. You know what you should do? Steve can get you one in a day. Just get on a flight to Japan and just see what happens. Put the ball in there.

Tell them you work at Barstool. Are they really going to make you come back? Maybe the alternative might be worse. What? You have to stay in Japan? I would like that. You just stay there forever? They got like pizza vending machines. You should honestly

fly to Japan and then when you get off the flight, you're like Oh fuck. I do that a lot in way lesser situations. My passport, damn. You do it for credit cards when everyone's eating and everything like that. Oh, fuck. Oh, shit.

No, I see your credit card right there, KB. It's peeking out of the door. That one's bro. Pro tip, you can do that on Acela Amtrax, because the next stop they kick you off at is where you have to go. Oh. Or you just hide in the bathroom. Scumbag move. Scumbag.

Call that a Dana B move. Yeah, just stealing. Sure. Should we get Dana B in here? No, no. He was too much of a bummer. He's too depressed. No, let's manipulate him.

He's at his most vulnerable. Let's get him to do anything. No, you actually can't because KFC on the rundown Let's manipulate him. He's at his most vulnerable. Let's get him to do anything. No, you actually can't because KFC on the rundown basically convinced him that his only way out of this is to boof a beer. He has to boof. So he's definitely in a fragile state. Why don't we just put a beer, like a glass of beer on the seat and see if he puts his asshole around it. Yeah, just sits right on it.

Just sucks up. So grabs. He abducts a beer up his asshole. See how drunk we can get him. Is this for me? Thanks, guys. Yeah, let's just get him with it.

Feed him booze. Yeah, let's feed him booze and see if that will work. Yeah, do we have beer somewhere? How did he know already? I told Zod to get him. Hey, can you sit right here? Owen's looking for it.

Hey, buddy. We're just doing some friendship. We're here to pick you up, brother. You hear me? We're here to pick you up. You hear me? We see you down, and we're going to pick you up, brother. How's that sound?

Has the podcast dropped yet? No, I don't think so. Maybe it won't. That'd be great. What if Dave's just like, ah, I'm going to... I'd still feel like a dick no matter what, but that'd be, you know... Well, you always have Bakhtiari. Yeah, I mean, he almost even let you sit next to him.

I thought I was sitting next to him until I got there. Yeah, we all did. No, it's totally normal to invite someone to a game and then have them sit in the next section over. Well, it was like a favor. He got it from Bucks. He already had his seats, and then he reached out to them and was like, can I get an extra one?

That's a good friend. Great friend. He's a good guy. Was Chance the Rapper cool in person? Oh, fuck you. Is he as cool as he presents himself? Come on. All night, I've been drinking all night.

I've been drinking all night. I've been drinking all night. I just realized what was going on. Did he do any of his, like, songs? Was his wife? Or did he go like, ah? Yeah. That's what I was going to do.

He'd say, ah! What's that? I didn't have the courage to do it. Oh, for real? Come on, brother. Oh, and you didn't have to. Web redemption. Web redemption.

Bro, tell me you didn't just drop the sour bath. Didn't Chance fall off? Wasn't his, like, last album all about his wife He loved his wife too much He has that one song Loving your wife too Marriage in general whack I don't know how

How does the album go You know what's really whack Weddings That's why Chance fell off Weddings are whack Instagram stories I post Really whack? Weddings. Yeah, that's why Chance fell off. They're like, nah, this guy loves love too much. Weddings are whack. You guys see the Instagram stories I post? Bro, come on.

Just like three or four locals. We're trying to help you. There's nothing. I'm only going to fucking dig a bigger hole. You know how I work. That's true. Yeah. That's why we got you. We got you some booze.

I'm not drinking. We have 10 locals right there for you. No, tell them Dan make them. Come on. Just a pregame. Just do a half a pregame. Should we 10 local right there for you. No, tell him. Dan, make him. Come on. Just a pregame. Just do a half a pregame. Should we get a real beer? You want a beer?

No, dude. Have I got your beer? You want a beer? We'll all have a beer with you. Let me see your tummy. Are you hungry for a beer? Your tummy hungry? Stop it.

You're hungry for a beer? You're being facetious. He is. He is. No, I'm not. You're being facetious. He is. Stop the show. It is. No, it's impossible. Yeah is being fishy. It's tough to say.

It is. No, it's impossible. Yeah, that's fishy. See, don't even try it. You can pretend like you have a brain worm, a brain parasite. Yeah, yo, fake cancer. That would get you out of it so fast. I'll get you a job.

I'm sure you guys haven't heard it yet, but what I tried to do is explain what Big Cat explained yesterday of that I have a dog brain. Nope, you're not. But my dog brain didn't allow me to explain it that I have a dog brain because I don't know how to explain it because I have a dog brain. So this whole thing was Big Cat's fault in a way. No, no, no. No, he's. There's nobody to blame. What he just said actually makes a lot of sense.

It's like giving a dog a command. The dog knows the command, but the dog can't repeat the command back to you. That's what happens. I can say sit, Dana, and he'll sit. He can't say I just sat. That's facts. I guess that works really well. Wow.

That's real as fuck. It's mad real. Yeah. All right, we'll just hang with the boys. Damn. Let's crack one. Yeah, let's crack one. Let's crack a couple of locos.

I will not be cracking one. Why? Because it's off-brand? I got a lot of work to do. Remember when we went to Stu Feiner's house? That was awesome. Oh, yes. That was incredible.

That was the peak, probably. That was so fun. Yeah. Think about it, though. Worst comes to worst, you just peak next summer. You know what I mean? Just do it all again next summer. You hibernate in the wintertime.

But I think you have Another peak left in you brother There'll be some Dana Beer Like The Dana Beer army There'll be just a group Of dudes who are like Fuck them all

Drinking beer is more Important than friends Yes Definitely I don't know Yeah No doubt I'm gonna try not to go

On Twitter this week Dependents People with alcohol Alcohol problems Hey That's not my people No I'm not saying that I'm this week dependents people with alcohol alcohol problems. Hey, that's not my people No, I'm not saying that That does except I did get a DM recently being like hey man. I just cracked my first beer after like 28 years Not what I'm trying to get after.

What did you say? I didn't answer. Dana probably said cheers, brother. Welcome back, brother. I do not support that. I do have a lot of people who will be like... Dana sent him a link to his cameo. If you want to reply... I need a cameo.

Hit me up. You should send Marina a cameo. Just be like, late wedding. Maybe on the house. Send her an invoice. That'll be $35. No, I won't be doing that. All right, so what about...

What are you working on? What work is so important that's more important than beer tweets? The Dion Doc that's coming out in a month. Come on, brother. In a month. Yeah, it's a lot of stuff. Well, you're not going to be partying. What do you mean?

I just need to get back to Mississippi, honestly, I think. Really? A month is a while. I think I just need a little Dion in my life. What are you doing this weekend? I don't know. Why? You sure?

You want to get fucked up? You going to the Shore House, brother? I'm not going to the Shore House. Why? I have a prior commitment this weekend. So you know what you're doing this weekend. Yeah, but I don't. Bucks game?

No. I just got stuff going on. The Bucks are. What do you got going on this weekend? Tell us, bro. Don't fib. Is it a wedding? No, it's not a wedding.

I think I know. No, he doesn't do those. If it's what I think it is, I understand why you're not saying it. I don't know what you think it is. So you know. Just say it to prove him wrong that he doesn't know. What is that? Oh, fuck.

Oh, no. What's that? What's that, dude? Oh, butt chugs? Is that what we're talking? No. No, I have nothing going on. I'm just trying to lay low for a little bit. I'm not in a good spot because I'm an idiot.

Bro, are you going to get sucked this weekend or not? Did you offer David blowjobs? Oh, blowjobs, we're talking. No. Did you always let him see your good side? That was off topic. No. Did you see how it lit up? See, you're getting back. That was off topic. No. Give everyone in the office free blowjobs.

Yes, like Jen Giz. I'm the receiver, dude. Of what? Of Beej. Oh. The Beej. The Beej. For sure, though?

For sure. For sure, for sure. You're receiving... What? The dick ticket. A token that says please give me a blowjob, Dana. And then he says, okay.

I don't know, boys. It's like a kissing booth. Do you have a P.O. box where the guys that fall off the wagon can send in their, like, chips? I don't support the fall off the wagon.

You can wear them, like, on a necklace. We'll be needing these. These are artifacts. You know what? We're going to set that up for you. We'll be needing these. These are artifacts. You know what? We're going to set that up for you. 30-year chip.

This one's expensive. Oh, nice. You won't be needing these anymore. Yes. No. He's playing like a ball. Dana's like a beer guy taping his neighbors' disregarded chips. Yeah. No.

Look what just came in today. Oh, a 10-point buck. Do not support that. Oh, a 15-year one. He's got four chips. Yeah. No. Look what just came in today. Ooh. Ooh, a 10-point buck. Do not support that. Oh, a 15-year one. The longest one. He's got four kids. Wow. If you want to be sober, I appreciate your journey.

28 is good. It's rare. What if you just did that? Dude, you actually should just check yourself into a facility. I don't have, like, why? Right, but because then no one can call you a scumbag. Yeah. Oh, that does kind of take a bit to work in the past. The scumbag is not because of my drinking.

That has nothing to do with it. Well, no, but your drinking has led you to scumbag behavior. This drinking had nothing to do with it, Dan. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. This is where it's not. Relax. I didn't RSVP no because I was drinking. This intervention's not working.

I didn't RSVP no to the wedding five weeks ago because I was drinking. Were you drunk when you RSVP'd? No, I was drinking. This intervention's not working. I didn't RSVP no to the wedding five weeks ago because I was drinking. Were you drunk when you RSVP'd? No, I was sober. Take the edge off. I'm sober as a bird. You feel edgy. I am edgy. Take the edge off.

Just have a shot. Have a shot. Just drink it. Have a little shot. Give him a sip. How do you? Come on. It'll dull everything.

You're lashing out. Peaceful, warm place. Either you go to a facility or you drink. I can't deal with this. You're really on edge. I hate you guys. We're laughing. We're having fun.

Yeah. We're having fun. We're having a laugh. Really good laugh. Mikey Podcast just gave me a dirty look. He's recovering, Mikey. Don't get mad at him. Don't do that.

Don't give him a dirty look. He just texted me and said, why are you giving him a platform? Fuck. Just have a four look. Okay, let's think of things that are worse than you getting ripped a new asshole on the Dave Portnoy Show. Were getting ripped a new asshole on the dave portnoy show were you ripped a new asshole i mean the thing that hurts is that that asshole's been ripped before yeah

then you can move twice like yeah oh yeah a little more space it was the thing that i just is that uh he thinks less of me and he doesn't appreciate me as much because of that. And he actually thinks I'm a scumbag. That I don't like because I'm just not. I'm not. Like, it was a scumbag move. Mistake. People make mistakes.

It was really dumb. I feel awful for it. But I'm not a bad person. That's real talk, Dana. How do you make sure that the guy on the outside doesn't become the guy on the inside? That's what my mother said once. Really? Have you seen that?

No. She stopped. Are you serious? Have you seen that? Seen what? Seen what? I don't see that. Doesn't become the guy on the inside my mother said once really Seen what Posted it once cuz I like had a mullet in a fucking handlebar mustache And she's like how do you know whatever you just said and I thought she may really internalized it I thought you she made that up. I guess not. I don't know. Shut up, Mama B. Yeah, I don't know.

Your mom stole that from an Instagram account called Friday Quotes. Fortune cookie. So wait, so what do you answer the question of? What? How are you going to make sure the guy on the outside doesn't become the guy on the inside? I've always been the same. I've been the same on the inside. I will vouch for that.

I have. I've never changed. Dana's the same. Since day one I got here, since same. I've been the same on the inside. I will vouch for that. I have. I've never changed. Dana's the same. Since day one I got here, since day one I was fucking born. You've never gone to Marina's wedding. It gets me in trouble. It gets me in trouble. That's who I am. It's very obvious.

Who I am is stupid. It gets me in trouble, but that's who I am, and I'm an idiot. I'm sorry. It's actually incredible that you're 0 for 2 going to Marina's wedding. Nobody didn't. It wasn't like a private one. I'm pretty sure you got invited to the first one. I don't think that's true.

What was your favorite memory of you and Marina before this happened? We've had a lot of good memories. We did a lot of videos together. Before you do this, you could take the other route and pretend like you actually aren't that good of friends we are I'm sure she I want to get

I want to get I want to get the audience more emotionally invested in Dana and Marina's relationship before the podcast yeah you know what that's

you're smart and I should stop talking you're doing fine crack one crack one just crack one come on oh here we go.

Take the edge off. Only 14%, brother. The diet actually started today. Get this guy some mouthwash. Gargle some mouthwash. Purell. Get rid of the shakes. Takes the edge off.

Just a little hair of the dough. For a guy defending his character against being a scumbag, what was the name of your golf series that has been out all year? Che wants to know what your golf series year? Cheap shot, Che. Fucking four eyes. Oh! This guy needs a drink. He is irritable.

Oh, man. You've been saying what I've been thinking. Rick and Che shot it. You have cool glasses. You have fucking guy glasses. You have fucking nerd glasses. Jesus Christ. Zaz in there too.

What the fuck, bro? Zaz got glasses on. Sorry, boys. That was an outburst. Yeah, have a fucking drink. You're fucking tense, man. That's not you talking. That wasn't what he wants.

Just crack it. Smell it. You see a drink or a blowjob and we're all out of fucking shit. If you just crack it and smell it, you will have mastered it. You will have proven that you don't want to. If you crack it and smell it and don't drink it, that is like the final frontier. All you have to do is crack it open. Crack it and smell it. I'll crack it for you.

I could stop drinking tomorrow if I wanted to. I know you could. Why don't you say today? Have you already been drinking today? How many beers have you had today? Zero, coach. Let's go, coach. A little sub.

Alright, coach. Why don't you crack that? I should just have a little sip. Just a little sip. Just do like the crack so we hear the sizzle. Just a little sip. Can you put too many...

Can you get... Let's get Larger's wife in here real quick. She had one question for her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Owen. Of course.

Yeah, we can do that. We can arrange that. She walks out. Yeah, we can do that. What's up? Grab Larger's wife. Should be all set. Let's do it.

Oh, and just go grab Large's wife. Yeah. You're actually further from the door. You guys are close. No, it's all right. It's all right. It's all right. It's all right.

It's all right. It's all right. He's in there. He's in there. I can talk to Large, too. I have a question for Large. Yeah, I've got to get Large on in here. Congrats to Willie, by the way.

Congrats to Willie. Yeah, another kid. Large, quick question. Congrats to Willie, by the way. I saw you were at Marina's wedding. How was it? Marina's wedding was good. Awesome.

Yeah, there was extra room on the table. Normally, I'm crowded in at tables, touching these. For some reason, there was a big gap, so we were all able to move over. Nice. Was there beer? There's a bunch of beers. Oh. I didn't know that.

I was talking to Father the Bride. He was like, we brought an extra beer because we heard about it. I was like, yeah. Father the Bride said that. Yeah. It's like I was very busy. I was dying to go. I of the Brides said that. Oh. He's like, I was very busy. I was dying to go. I was giving away my little girl, but I made sure I went.

I got some extra. No open seats. I wanted to go so bad. I was like, I can see if I can get you as my plus one. And they said, no, we cannot have one more person. We are completely 100% at capacity. And I love Marina's dad. He's been on part of my take.

He's a marine biologist. Yeah, he's a fucking fascinating dude. Great dude. Great man. He fucking broke his heart. Did he name his daughter after his profession? Yes. Obviously.

100%. Wow. I didn't realize that. It's incredible. Is that an insult? Are you trying to sub Marina right now? No. No.

Yeah, Marina's brother's name is Shark. Yeah, that's true. What are you going to name your kids, Dana? Be's name is Shark. Yeah, that's true. What are you going to name your kids, Dana? Beers. Little White. Bud. Buck. I got nothing.

Bush. Crack that porno. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Beer tweet. Beer tweet. Yes, sir. I'm not drinking that. I'm just doing it for the boys. Smell it. Yes, sir. Beer tweet. Beer tweet. Yes, sir. I'm not drinking that.

Chug. I'm doing it for the boys. Smell it, bro. It smells good. Get a little bit in your mouth and then spit it out. It smells awesome. It smells like garlic bread. Why does that smell so good?

It smells awesome. It smells so good. Don't make me pull the toys out. I hate it when KB pulls the toys out. I might. Fifty Shades of Beers. Have just a sip of it, bro. Jay, is the Beatles still

funny? Always. Any audible laughs in the last 24 hours just from memory alone? Definitely. You're calling Jake Paul's next fight? Stop looking at it. Where'd you get that from, Steven?

I thought that's the announcement. Did we announce it? No. Yeah? Dave tweeted it. He did not tweet that, did he? No, he didn't. I'll talk to someone that works here, and that's what I thought was interpreted that I was told.

Is that not true? Well, not exactly, but you also, yeah, that's not. That's not cool. Damn, bro. Damn. Che, why don't you take the rest of the day off? Dana, you're lucky that Che just fucked up, brother. I don't know what he said, but.

Let's crack another one of those locos. No, you two, you're at work. It's a one-hour show. He had to remove it from his table. It's beer 30 somewhere. It's like when someone has too much French onion dip in front of them. They're like, get that away from me. No, Steven, we will be involved in somehow, but I don't know where you got that from.

I'm just going to wait until Dave announces it. Okay. My mistake. No, no, it's not. It's not your mistake. Well, it is because it's not correct what you wrote. My oversight. But we can talk about Jake Marsh's dap with-

Oh, can we play that? Can we play that real quick? That was so uncomfortable. I didn't see it. Was it staged? No, it couldn't. There's no way. What are you doing?

I gotta go. No, no, no. That was a work-filled dap. You stay. No, crack that. If you can get out of here, it's almost like... You crack it. Yeah, you crack one of those four locos, it to the face And then you can be on your

It actually did He cracked it And took a sip Wait throw this out though But recite Throw it out Just throw out the can However you gotta empty it

Go to the bathroom And pour it out in the sink We won't tell We'll be hush hush That's a good look Not in the trash That's gross Wait Dana

Frame Dana Wait come back Everyone's gonna see it Come back Steven just said something No I just needed Sash to get that picture Of you with you

Holding the Four Loko Oh damn So you're picking it up Off the ground Drinking Four Loko At 12 Let's just put that In the middle of the floor

Somewhere Hopefully somebody Kicks it over Yeah put that in the middle of the floor somewhere. Hopefully somebody kicks it over. Yeah, put it in the middle over there. Me? Okay, don't. Do you really want me to? Nah.

We could do it. All right, so this is Jake Marsh. This is uncomfortable. Who is the other guy? Eric Musselman, the coach of Arkansas. And they keep watching. And he walks our own way. That's a huge box, Rico. He, like, fell into his arms.

It looks like he grabbed his waist. You can't go double under another man. He tried to grab his waist. He tried to Patrick Swayze him. He looked like he was about to lift. He got confused. Musk was giving him a pat on the side. He went for a handshake and then a purple nurple.

And then he just collapsed into his arms. Look how big this box is. Anytime you have to put up the one finger, though, that's... Oh, no, no. I need to tell you. All right, thanks. Yeah. Oh, Jake, his head's down.

He knows that he's just been emasculated like a srap dog. Very bad. Maybe one more time. Just for... Make my skin crawl. Do you wipe your butt standing up or crouched? Oh, brutal.

Fuck. It's huge. My boy Jake is... He takes this shit personally. Where are they? They're in... Alabama. Alabama.

No, Arkansas. Today is Alabama. Yesterday was Arkansas. Nice, nice, nice. Edward Sharp type shit. You on the Magnetic Zeros? Damn. That was really good. That's ever worked. That's ever worked. You on the magnetic zeros? Damn That was really good

That's ever worked That's ever worked Holy shit Keeping that in the hole And I don't think anyone If I just got into an Alabama Arkansas No one listening

Probably even got it Yeah I didn't get it For a minute either God damn I don't want to end The show early But we should end The show early Give me should end the show early

give me my flowers boys give me my flowers while he's living brother you can't actually kill yourself now now that you've done that this is a perfect time to kill yourself

incredible he performs that solo now cause they got divorced and they just let the crowd sing the girl part oh no really they got divorced

I don't think they were married they didn't know they were together what happened to the magnetic zeros lost it tell. They didn't know if they were together. What happened to the magnetic zeros? Lost it. Tell you what didn't happen to them. Yeah, what?

I think you've peaked, KB. Yeah, that was incredible. That was some Nick shit, bro. I could see that coming from Nick, but not from you, bro. I honestly must have said that before. That's the only way to do that. Who stole that off Nick?

Was that KB's Mona Lisa? His Magnum Opus. You motherfuckers are going to be going around asking everyone, where were they just at? Two states, were they just at? Yeah, I'm going to frame it up for that. The Benchmob guys, where were they just at? Let's name the states alphabetically.

You say the first two. Oh, I didn't even realize that was it. It's just the first two. Okay. Hold on. We can get somebody with that. I'm going to get my own Edward Sharp joke. Get our Tommy Smokes in here.

Tommy Smokes would love to miss states. I guarantee one of you guys can't pull it off. It's easy to pull. Even with a prompt. Get Tommy Smokes in here. I bet Nick can get Tommy Smokes off rip. Off rip? Get Hubs in here.

Off rip. You know what Edward Sharp's first band was called? If it's Incubus, I'm going to be pissed. That would actually infuriate me. Yeah. It's called I'm a Robot. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Damn. It's coming full circle. Yeah. Yeah. Hubs. Hubs. Huberman.

Do the people hear us and they just like tuck their heads in? Yep, yeah, they 100%. Most people hate us. They started sprinting by. But some people would take laps and they're like, it's a little see and be seen. Yeah, hoping they get called in. Oh, yeah, peacocking. Hoping they get to sit on these seats.

Michael Angelo is looking for his biggest hat to walk by in. Bouncing on his toes. Ben Minch reminds me of one of those spiders that can jump in any direction. Yeah, he does. You know those ones that'll just jump three feet in one direction, even though they're only a millimeter wide? Go scare him. Kyle, go scare him.

Go sneak up behind him and scare him. Who? Get Minch Cam on. Hang on. Mince Cam. Hold on. Mince Cam. Hold on.

Just flip the one. Flip me and Mince Cam. Get a bonus scare of Glenny Balls. You can always scare Glenny. There it is. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Oh, no, no. Run.

Run. How many cameras do we have? Wait a minute. Wait a minute, Kyle. No, no. He's got it. He's got it. Oh, why did he wait?

What are you doing? He's such a pussy. Why did he wait? He's afraid to scare Mince. He's got it. Oh, why did he wait? What are you doing? He's such a pussy. Why did he wait? He's afraid to scare Mince. Dude, he's so afraid. He had him in the camera shot. Uh-oh. Tank.

Tank going to finish the job. Here comes Tank. The closer. No way. Scare Glenny. Oh, you can scare Glenny. What's going on? He's bringing him back.

It's going to be perfect. It's going to be incredible. Oh, my God. to be perfect. Incredible. Here he comes. No. And we missed it. Baby. It was pretty good, though.

It was pretty good. Mince. Come on in, brother. How quickly can you say all 50 states in alphabetical order? Yeah, can you say the states in alphabetical order? Close the door for a second just so Tommy doesn't. How fast? Let's see. Alabama. Yeah, just do the first order. Yeah, can you say the state's an alphabetical order? Close the door for a second just so Tommy doesn't. How fast? Let's see. Alabama.

Yeah, just do the first two. Alabama, Arkansas. Oh, what are you on? Your ever-chart magnetic zero shit? What? No, it didn't work. It didn't work. All right, thank you, Ben.

We're trying something. We're trying something. You're welcome, as always. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, scare Glennie. Show me how to do it. Show him to be more organic with it. All right. Why are you saying them so Show me how to do it. Show me how to be more organic with it. All right.

Why are you saying them so fast? Tommy, what are you doing here? Figure out a new tactic. Zah said, can you come into the studio? Close the door behind you, Tommy. Is this another what? Shut up. Shut up.

I said that? Shut up. Zah. Oh, I thought you said sass. Zah, did you? What? Under instruction. Yeah, you did.

You did. You're good, Zah. Tommy, drink that four loco. No, it's work day. Fair. Come, you did. You did. You're good, Zha. Tommy, drink that four loco. That's work day. Come on, bro. I mean, we know you drink on the job. You're always drunk. You are always drunk.

What's going on? Is your phone in your pocket? This is the best part of the Yaks. I don't even know what's going on. Tommy's the low key. Is your phone in your pocket? It is. Yeah, our phones.

Where's Marty, Ben? Where's your phone? Marty, I think, is on college basketball. Show Is your phone in your pocket? It is, yeah. Where's Marty, Ben? Where's your phone? Marty, I think, is on college basketball. Show us your phone. Where the fuck did they go? That's not your phone. Where were they? I think they were in Alabama and Arkansas.

Is somebody going to pop out behind me like they did for Miss? Motherfucking Edward Sharp over here! Get out. You don't get it? You don't get it? Blatman. Blatman.

Blatman. Any words for Stephen Che? Any words for Stephen Che? Stephen Che is an anti-Semite, and I do not appreciate him. He is a bad guy. Blatman, quick question. Wait, is Marty? Where's Marty? Marty Mush? Yeah. I don't know.

Have you not seen him this week? No, I. Where the hell are they? No one knows? I don't know. I'm not sure either. Can I? We're just naming states alphabetically. Alphabetically? We're seeing who can do

the most alphabetically off the top. Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, California. Oh, we forgot about Alaska. Fuck! Get out of here, Blackman! God damn it, he ruined it. Alaska. Wait.

You guys did forget about Alaska. Wait, Mincy's just an idiot. We collectively forgot about Alaska. He loves it. Mincy was trying to bait you guys. How is Minty so good at that? He's never done anything wrong. Every time he's wrong, it's so right.

Right. It's incredible. We got to get one more before we end the show. I don't think you guys can pull it off. I can't. He was going too fast. What a test, I guess. Here comes Mikey Fowler.

I'm asking if there's one in Arkansas, Colorado, Connecticut, chance. Here comes Mikey Fowler. I'm asking if there's one in Arkansas or Colorado. Can I get it down the way? Mikey. Mikey Fowler. Mikey Podcast. Mikey Podcast. Come here. Mikey.

Why did you grimace like that? We're about to put you through the freaking ringer. Talk in the mic. Talk in the mic. Where's the stool bench mob guys this week? Arkansas? Fuck. Get out of here.

Fucking piece of shit. Thank you for making this a podcast though, Mikey. It's not bad. How's it working every time for you? Get her.

Yeah. Nah. Who's that? Who's that? Who's that? Who is that person? He always just looks at me and says,

sus. Yeah, he always He just looks at me and says, Suss. Yeah, he always... He just looks at me and goes, Suss. Not wrong. He's never been wrong. He kind of looks like a more Chad-like version of you. That's Justin.

He works on my events. What did he just say in there? Are you talking shit? Yeah, he said... Hey, where's Grandin? Hey, where's Grandin, Ben? You want to call him up? He's like a suspect.

Oh, yeah, I saw her in the pizza line. Oh, okay. Is she still here? Oh, yeah. Why don't we get her in? We should have her in for smoothie day at least. At least. Grandin doesn't come back.

Blindfold her and have her guess the ingredients. I kind of like the sound of that. I mean, it wouldn't be like that. I imagine she probably had the same death in the family. Come here real quick.

No, come on, come on, come on, come on. Where's, uh, where are Marty Mush and Jake and Rico this week? I think they're in Alabama or something I saw.

I wasn't supposed to know that. Anywhere else? Uh, that's it, I think. Just the shore, maybe? Alabama? I wasn't supposed to know that. Anywhere else? That's it, I think. The shore, maybe? Alabama? Alabama? I don't know, Mississippi?

Fuck! Get out of here. It only works with Kyle. Kyle, you're an absolute dog. Spider nose, spider nose. Spider. Kyle, you try. No, no, no, I can't.

Someone else try. Someone else, Rowan, you got it. Where are Marty Mush and Rico? Where have they been all week? Kyle, you try. No, no, no. I know I can. Someone else try. Someone else. Rowan, you got it. Where are Marty Mush and Rico? Where have they been all week? What? I think they're in Arkansas. Fuck.

Edward Sharpass. Where are they right now? Not here. Bags. I don't know. Did you see that guy earlier that looked like you and Karabas mixed? You took a picture with him. You think he looked like me and Karabas mixed together?

Yeah, 50-50. Hey, can you read out loud your email? Yeah. To end the show? All right, so for people who don't know, Spider and Tommy live in a building, 30 floors. They're somewhere in the middle, and there are two elevators and one of the elevators is going to be down for maintenance for six months so there's already lines for the working elevator

yeah the reserve elevator spider my man spider spider specs tour sent an email to manage rolls on it rolls on people i said hi nicole will call her for this story. Is it true that our building will be without an elevator for 23 all caps, 23 weeks? I linked Tommy's tweet. I said, how is this even possible? Can you please add me to whatever mailing list is distributing this news? I appreciate

blank making an effort to inform everyone of the hallway upgrades with the massive in your face signs as you walk into each building, but it would be great if you had that same energy when it comes to bad news like this. I'd imagine it's a significant safety risk as well as a tremendous inconvenience for all residents, especially those that just signed on the last few months as we did. Knowing that we'd only have one elevator to use for 30 floors of residence for the next 46 weeks, a.k.a. the duration of our lease,

would have 100% been a factor in our decision to sign on for another year. For that reason, it's hard not to feel slighted. I can't see a world in which I don't actively trash blank. I'm not going to name them yet. This is our first time we've never said just real names. At every opportunity, if this isn't resolved in an acceptable way please add this email to all building mailing lists and share

my thoughts with steve who's our regional manager and the rest of your colleagues i should not be finding out about this via twitter oh fuck yes spider god damn the respect tour rolls on any response crickets yeah edward sharp over here the locks are the locks are going to be Damn. The respector rolls on. You said the same energy. Any response? Crickets. Yeah. You got an Edward Sharp over here. The locks are going to be changed when I get back to my apartment tonight. Fine. It's probably for the best.

If they kick you out on your ass, at least you'll go to a building with two elevators. Yeah, that's true. Facts. Come on. I dare them to kick you out. And I'll make them move my shit out for me. Exactly. I can't get it out if you don't have an elevator.

And they can hold your dick while they're at it. Facts. Facts, bro. You guys inked a letter to my landlord. That's true. I can't get it out if you don't have an elevator. They can hold your dick while they're at it. Facts. Facts, bro. You guys inked a letter to my landlord. That's true. Sent him a selfie as well. Yeah, that didn't go over well.

Everything has been taken care of. It's been settled? Yes. Hell's Kitchen's nice now. Would you ever move back home? I know you love your ma and pa. I was just there for a week over the 4th of July.

I don't think I could do long term. I don't blame you guys for trying like that. It's just some people got it. I can't get I could do long term. I don't blame you guys for trying like that. It's just some people got it. I can't get him to sharp. What are you trying to get me to do? He's trying to get you to sharp.

You know, Edward Sharp with the Magnetic Zeros? You know the song, Home? No. Alabama, Arkansas. Yeah. That's my mind, pa. The way that I do. Were you trying to get me to sing it?

No. That's my mind, pa. The way that I do. Were you trying to get me to sing it? No, someone said, like, oh, Rico and Jake are in Arkansas. No, there was no even and. And it was perfect. No one has ever delivered a better joke. Ever. So we're trying to replicate it. At least in our lifetime. Yeah.

We're having people come in and try to naturally say Alabama, Arkansas. Rehashing the joke makes it so much less fun. And we've based the whole show on it. So we tried. We tried. We've given KB goat status based on that joke. He's got goat status unless someone can. We're about to carry him out.

We're about to retire his jersey. He earned his pinstripes. I'm going to eat it too. Actually, hang up the jersey. One more shot. Hang up the jersey. You had a fucking legendary. Hangcks. I'm going to eat it too. Actually, hang up the jersey. One more shot. Hang up the jersey, bro. You had a fucking legendary... Hang up the Creed t-shirt.

Kill yourself. No, no, do it. Thank you. You threw that in because you know there is a slight chance. That's what you want? Subconsciously,

you threw in the no. Spider, green mineral, A-Rod's first name. Emerald? Fuck. What? It was supposed to be Jade.

Jade? Oh, fuck. Damn. I'm looking through the lyrics right now. I'm just blowing all you guys' jokes. Oh, yeah. Chocolate candy Jesus Christ was the one I'm really trying to fucking... I'm right above it.

Hot and heavy pumpkin pie. Did you get someone else? Who should I send in next? I can't describe this pie in two adjectives. No, not to. Ouch. I can barely lift it. This is the worst.

All right, Spider, we appreciate you, dog. All right, Spider. Spider, will you run that for a look at Dana? What's that, Dana? Dana left his for a look on you. Yeah, and I'll hit you guys up if I need more help with management. Yes, sir. We could call them right now.

They're really giving you the shaft. Should we? If they don't get back to me, I'm coming back to you, and we'll redraft a response. Tyler! What's up? Come on in. How are we?

Good to see you, brother. Good to be seen. Looking tall again. Thank you. Back-to-back days. Day-to-day. Yeah. You never know. That's true.day. Yeah. You never know.

That's true. Hey, uh... That's true. You never know when you're gonna be tall. You're a classic rock fan. I am. This is... I'm going to fucking hell for this one.

Oh, no. What happened to Eric Clapton's son? It fell out a window. That caught me. It's Edward Sharpshoot. Are you on your Edward Sharpshoot? Am I what? He's on his Edward Sharpshoot.

Do you remember that day you fell out of my window? That is fucked up. You got it. All right, that's it. What do I win? Nothing. I didn't get it. I didn't nail it correctly.

Chad, we got a birthday. Okay. Thank you. We're trying to set up a joke. Can you send someone else in here? Sure. Who's up next? Happy birthday, Lena. Chad we got a birthday Okay Thank you We're trying to set up a show Can you send someone else in here Uh Sure Oh

Who's up next Someone else Happy birthday Lena Someone's gotta get it Exactly Someone's gotta get it And that's when we end the show Pondisco's looking pissed off

I got one that I think will be easy Alright Someone's gotta get it And then we'll end the show Somebody has to get it It has to be word for word You guys for sure can't You can't do a deep cut like that

I was gonna do just Aw Motes and boats and waterfalls It has to be word for word. You guys for sure can't. You can't do a deep cut like that. I was going to do just aw. Moats and boats and waterfalls. That's good. That one's tough. Alleyways and payphone calls. KB, how would you do it? How would you go about it?

How would you do a moats and boats and waterfalls? Give us a little insight, guru. Alleyways and payphone calls. I don't think anyone can. Someone get Jack. Ron, you can get Jack for where they are. You guys can't. I got you. All right. Let me give a crack at it, someone get Jack. Ron, you can get Jack for where they are. You guys can. I got you. All right.

Let me give a crack at it. Jack. Jack. Settle a bet. Settle a bet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where are the Benchmob guys? Alabama.

And? They were Arkansas. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. You're exactly right.

You're right. You're exactly right. You're right. You're exactly right. You're exactly right. You're right. You're exactly right. It has nothing to do with him. KB is so happy. Yeah. Yes, I guess. He's so happy.

He's just watching us flounder. I think it's impossible for anyone else to do. And that's not limited to this room. I think everyone should try. Everyone listening. Started the show with a KB suicide watch. Now it's just all of us. KB victory lap.

He's the king of the show. We're giving him reason to live. This is KB's finest hour. It's D-Day. This is us giving him his flowers. She wants to get sharp so bad. She wants to get sharp. She's a magnetic zero.

It looks like a magnetic zero. She could be for all I know. Actually, she's not. Oh, so you do know. Do you know any of the zeros? Who's got Pat? Nick, you got this. I can't do it.

Pat definitely doesn't know or give a fuck. Pat. Patty. Pat. What's up, Kings? Where are the Benchmob guys at? They were in two states. Benchmob?

Oh, jeez. You know what that is. I told you. I told you. Like Rico, Jake Hall. What are those words? He doesn't give a fuck. Arkansas and Alabama maybe?

Fuck! Fuck! I think. You're right. You're right. You're right. You were right, but you were wrong. Send someone else in.

You know motherfuckers can't. You were right, but you were wrong. Send someone else in. You motherfuckers can't. Yeah, we'll do a marathon episode. We should have people alphabetically list. You've got to hope that they forget Alaska. What's a bench mob? Great response. Bench mob sounds like a group sex act.

Pat was in our most recent Rediscovering America, and he was like, this is awesome. I'm in the first one. I was like, group sex act. Pat was in our most recent Rediscovering America, and he was like, so this is awesome. I'm in the first one. I was like, no. Nobody. Nobody. Does she look like somebody who would forget Alaska? Y'all motherfuckers have failed four times in a row.

It's been more than that. Golden sombreros. I've only gone once. And I'm going to get it. I'm just looking through the lyrics, trying to find anything. Through the jungle, through the dark. Who definitely loves their ma and pa? It's got to be the popular ones.

That's how jokes are. You've got to appeal to a wide audience, and they don't know the obscure lyrics. But moats and boats and waterfalls would count. That would count. That would count. Dare you to try to pry that out of somebody. Well, I know. Here comes Frank. He's coming on the act.

He's coming straight for the act. Who's got this? Rowan. Gotta be Rowan. Frank? Yeah. Gotta be Rowan Frank Yes Do you have it? Frank we were asking people to list the states alphabetically And no one's been able to do it

The contiguous states The 48 The 48 states None of those outliers Well there's also another one You're talking about alphabetically right yeah

we're missing another one well Alabama yep now number two is not really really

is what number two is not one of the 48 contiguous but it would be yeah that's why we said that was probably how did Mintz do that

exactly he skipped Arizona as well oh my god yeah but it would have been a lot better. That's why we said... How did Mintz do that? Exactly. He skipped Arizona as well. Arizona too? He skipped Alaska and Arizona. No, no, no. Arkansas is before Arizona. No, it isn't.

No, it's not. IJK. Yeah, fuck. We got Arizona, Arkansas. Yep. Arkansas. Mintz is the best. I don't like it. No, Arizona, Arkansas. Yep. Arkansas. Mints is the best. I don't like it.

I don't know. KB is the best. Mints is God. Yeah, I did. He's God. KB is the fucking puppeteer. All right. Well, thanks, Frank. Thank you, Frank.

See you tomorrow. See you tomorrow. Yeah, Thursday tomorrow. Thursday, we're revealing the finalists in the Frank the Tank Challenge. Oh, nice. Oh, are we doing that on screen? Can you send someone else in here? Who should I send?

Dealer's Choice. Somebody who... Jack McCarthy. Whoever you think doesn't know about Arizona. Jack McCarthy. We already got McCarthy. Jack McGuire. Jack McGuire.

He doesn't know the difference. Jack? He has no idea who's named Jack in this office. I think I have a way to do this. You don't have a way. I have a way to do this. To say them consecutively. With nothing in between.

With no conjunction. Will someone else come in with the Edward Sharpline? If I can get this. Will you be ready for it? I'm not quick enough. I'm just not quick enough. You'll be ready for this. Of course, I got you.

All right. You got the Edward Sharpline. I think I can get this ready. All right. Here we go. I think if you just ask him, I think he'll do it. I think I got a good... No, I have a good... Yeah. Ask him to do what? All right. Here we go. if you just ask him, I think he'll do it. I think I got a good idea. No, I have a good idea.

Ask him to do what? Jack, what's up? It's good to have you back on after yesterday. Sorry about getting triggered. No, no, no. That's not me. Chase is a piece of shit tonight. Jack, we're having a little debate here.

Can you name the SEC schools in alphabetical order? Oh, okay. Ready? Three, two, one. Alabama. Arkansas. What are we? Edward Sharpe and the Varnetta Giros? Fuck you, KB. Fuck you, KB. Peace. is

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