The Yak - Lil Sas Is Officially Suspended | The Yak 3-9-22

Episode Date: March 9, 2022

PFT Hates Carson WentzYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Alright, where's Roan? All right. All right, where's Roan? We've got an announcement I have to make before we get going here today. This is uncomfortable, man. Roan should be here because he... All right, yeah, we'll wait till Roan's here. We've got to make a big announcement.

Actually, is he protesting? Well, no, is Roan here today? I haven't seen him. I don't know. Let's just spin the wheel. Yeah. How about that clip from Yak Season 1? Oh, with the wheel.

The wheel in the background. That was bone chilling. Someone said it was like Pixar. Oh, he said it was like it. Oh, no. It was like Pixar when they always put in a little clue to the next movie. Like if you watch Toy Story, there's a clue for cars. That's Dan Cat's genius.

He knew. Yeah, play it. Plus the wheel. The wheel's always watching. Look at this. Unbelievable. Look at that wheel. It knows.

This is the evening, Yak. When Roan, myself, and Jared would do the show at 6 p.m. Sports heavy. Y'all had to be dedicated to do a show at 6pm every day Well it was a different time in our lives Right I didn't have kids Shows a lot of effort

Imagine doing that with kids That's irresponsible If you had kids No I would never do that That'd be an absentee father If I just was doing a show at 6pm every night People would be like Dude

Trying to provide for him. You ever see your kids? Have they just started calling you Brandon now? Trying to give him a better life. Oh, I'm bringing another kid that y'all haven't seen. What? What? You have another kid?

I'm bringing a new kid. Bringing a new kid? Dropping a new kid on Friday. When? Which one? A new kid drop? When? I'm bringing the six-year-old Friday, but we're not going to put him on camera.

This is like the sneakers app. All right, so it's a softball. Fucking hot new kid drops. Yeah. Hope I get a piece. What happened to the nine-year-old? There's so many bots now. Why'd you skip?

He's got a big weekend. What? What? Not looking after his fish. He's going to get new fish this weekend. Really? Is he picking them out? Yeah.

He's picking them out. I don't think I want to meet any of your other kids. Yeah, me too. I built it up as such this lore in my head. You just want Tommy? Yeah, I think it would just be... But the six-year-old's been begging to come. Oh, no, definitely bring him in, but I'm going to meet him.

Y'all have to meet him if you don't want him. Tommy's like watching the NFL, and then you bring your other kids, and now we're watching high school peewee shit. I'll meet your kid. I'll meet your fucking kid. I won't be nice. I sure as hell won't be nice. You think you're tougher than Brandon's kid?

His fucking kid? Come in, y'all just mean to him because he's not Tommy. Yeah, just be like, what's up, bitch? Yeah. What do you think Tommy would think of that? You're not as cool as your brother. Tommy cape for his brother or their? Tommy won't like that y'all are mean to his brother.

He'll come back with... I think I can make it right with Tommy. The chip on his shoulder. Tommy. He owns multiple swords. That's all I'm saying. Can he dual wield? He hasn't got to dual wield.

Do you think Tommy's at a point in his life where he's ready to kill a man if he has to? Oh, he's beyond that, yes. Would he feel remorse? Tommy has read one book in his life. He just finished reading it. It's the U.S. Army Survival Handbook. Oh that, yes. Would he feel remorse? Tommy has read one book in his life. He just finished reading it. It's the U.S. Army Survival Handbook. Oh, fuck yes. That's the only book he's ever been interested in.

All right, so Roan is here. We have to make an announcement. Yikes. I don't want to make this announcement. We have to make this announcement. Some of you might have seen Lomo Saltado Day yesterday. When we were eating our saltado and we didn't have the mics on and you watched, there was a little altercation. So, Sass has been suspended for the rest of this week.

Yeah, that's fucked. Fair enough. What he said to Brandon, people will say that's not fair. Brandon threw a bottle at him and charged at him. What he said to Brandon, let's just say if the mics were on, we all would have been canceled. One of the more offensive

things that someone can't honor. I think we always give Brandon justifiable shit. We're always ragging on him for good or bad. He went too far. He went too far. Multiple lines. Too many lines. Yeah. I talked to Dave many lines. So, yeah. I talked to Dave last night. He agreed with the punishment. I mean, it was funny, but...

Well... Now you're getting in hot water here, Owen. Alright, sorry. You did laugh a little bit too loud about that, Owen. You want to be suspended for tomorrow? You're a little bit too gleeful about that, Owen. Hmm. Yeah, he's been suspended. It is what it is. He'll be back. I've never seen... You're a little bit too gleeful about that, Owen. Hmm. So yeah,

he's been suspended. It is what it is. He'll be back. I've never seen... You caught a lot of shit online. People were calling you a soft pussy. Every synonym of soft, every synonym of pussy. What were all the synonyms that were used? A lot of the synonyms. They called him a pillowy cunt. You're saying cinnamon or cinnamon?

Pillowy cunt. Cinnamon. Also cinnamon or cinnamon? Pillowy cunt. Also, big announcement. Frank walked over to my desk today. He said, hey, Big Cat, what's up, Frank? He said, I got a great joke for the yak tomorrow. Oh, shit. Tune in for that. Joke dropping tomorrow, too.

He almost said it. I was like, save that. Big Cat, you're going to be here tomorrow, of course, right? What if he's just... I also suspended myself because of the suspension I landed on SAS. It's not fair. That's fair. I also don't get suspended. Well, at least Nick will be here.

I will not. I'm gone for a while. Oh, no. Oh, no. A long, long while. Why? Why? This is my last day.

Why? Why? Your last day? Why? Why? Your last day? Why? Ever? I met with Hank, and he said the Nick charm is kind of wearing off, so he told me to take a week, and then he told me to travel outside of work for a week but still do work stuff.

And then after those two weeks pass, he said maybe people will come back around on you. I've been thinking about the Nick charm wearing off, and I have to agree. Yeah. Yeah, Hank's got his finger on the pulse around on you. I've been thinking about the Nick charm wearing off, and I have to agree. Yeah. Yeah, Hank's got his finger on the puzzle. I agree. So you're about to travel the world? You think you're me or something? Seven Seas?

Central Florida and then Wheeling, West Virginia. That's traveling the world. All for pleasure? No. Any of it for pleasure? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Next couple days for pleasure. You going to fuck?

No, I'm not going to fuck. I will... Finger? Finger blast. I'll finger blast and I might finger bang. You should do... Yeah, don't pop. I will not finger pop.

Nick's finger bang tour of America? I'm going to rearrange the guts. I'm going to rearrange the guts with my index and ring. You have to be in a liver. Are we done with that shit? Stop calling pussy guts. That's disgusting. That doesn't make it... I smell your guts. That's disgusting. It doesn't make it seem like your guts.

Dude, Cole loved talking about guts. Put it in my kidney. Put it in my guts. Put it in my kidney. Get out of here with guts. I never got... You impaled my guts. Ah, guts.

I rearranged your fucking guts. Anatomically, though, there is some of that going on. That's more giving birth. Stop saying that. What'd you do last night? Stab the fuck out of some guts. How stable are guts? Not.

Can we move them around just manually? I think so. Guts. Make them dance. I thought you were shirtless for a second. I saw you on the video. I thought you on the video. I thought you were shit. So should it be Nick, the Nick Fingerbang Tour, or the Nick Impale Your Guts Tour?

It'll be the Nick Fingerbang Tour. I don't have the equipment to impale guts. If you just wore the stamina. Yeah, mash the gash. Yeah. We got to make the wound swoon. We got to make the shirts where it's like. I was blasted by Nick on his tour, and all I got was this UTI.

This Lousy UTI. Fuck. Yeah, it's going to be great. What city in Florida are you going to? Do you know or do you want to say? Somewhere outside. Somewhere in Dade County. It's Miami.

Not Miami. They were very clear in telling me that. It's like pretty much all Miami. I figured. What's the chat saying about Sass's suspension? Probably taking it well. They're surprisingly cool with it. They're like, this is finally.

Yeah, they're on to the Nictor. Oh, okay. Alright, it's a Nictor. We've already moved on. The thing is, when I come back from the Nictor, I want you all to smell my fingers. Yes. Which one? The ring finger, the trigger finger, or the pussy finger? You've obviously never been finger blasted. You want to smell my thumb.

No, Nick. I think you should use a different finger in each city, and then when you come back, we have to do a blind smell test of what city is what finger. Yins are going to hate my Cincinnati pinky. And fingers, 10 cities. That's more than Mintz. That's a year's worth

of memories on these hands. Mintz has one dry finger right now. He only hit nine cities. I love Mintzy, but man, this Hogs for a Cause better be the greatest thing of all time. He's telling people to fly in for him. He was game planning with me this morning.

You think that he was dipping his digits while he was on tour? Oh, he definitely dipped a couple. Yeah? Let me get that for you. That's what he does. I mean, Channing was down there. Channing was down there, sent him his way. It's not sexual.

It's just, let me just, let me tickle your guts for a second. He was dipping his fingers in some sevens and eights. I was a rotary phone. I was under the impression he has some girls he keeps on ice in the South. Yeah. Cooler. Mincy's cooler. Definitely.

Two years since he was fired from that radio station. Blast of the past. Or no, trip through the past. Trip through the past. Trip through the past, yeah. And I'm glad he was. They probably are fucking fuming. You should call in on their pussy asses

and fucking dangle what they missed, what they lost out on. Yeah. Mince's apple stock. Yeah, he is. Yeah. Brandon, you had a good story too

with that stream. I did, Owen. I did. Did you ever get fired, Brandon? I've only gotten fired once and that was from Jitney Jungle,

the grocery store when I was 17 years old. I mean, you grew up the poorest man in the world. You shopped at Jitney Jungle? That was the name of the groceryitney Jungle, the grocery store when I was 17 years old. I mean, you grew up the poorest man in the world. You shopped at Jitney Jungle? Why is the grocery store named after Jitney? Isn't it Jitney like a cab?

It was the name of the grocery store. I don't know what that is, but it sounds racist. It sounds racist. It has to be. How can we make a grocery store that sounds racist that isn't? No, me and Kendrick Herman both got fired for eating Pringles in the back without paying for them.

What kind? Because Robert, just, I ate the sour cream. I don't know what. Oh, that's worth it. Sour cream's the go. The tall can or one of the short cans? One of the short cans. Oh, that's not worth it.

That's bullshit. That is not worth it now, Howard. It's easier to get away with. You didn't get away with it. Yeah, you didn't. At first it was, but somebody snitched on us. It's the perfect crime. You didn't get away with it.

What if in the perfect time? Look at that. That is literally out of the civil rights movement. It wasn't black and white when I worked there. Yeah, it was. Your whole life was black and white. You got fired for disrupting a sit-in. Brandon's entire childhood was Pleasantville.

For the color. What was the name of their show? Go down the list. What is it? Tears. Mr. Pibb? No, it's Dr. Pepper the color. What was the name of their soda? Go down the list of tears. Mr. Pibb? Dr. Thunder is up there. The Physicist is up there. Dr. Wow. Dr. Bob.

They're all up there. I wish we had a soda expert to bring in. You could get McFuddy's Pepper Elixir at Cracker Barrel. It's also just a lazy name. They were cracking down on the alliteration, so they just moved back one letter. I like how you say Cracker Barrel. Cracker Barrel.

Cracker Barrel. I'm trying out this new thing. Oh, and weren't we supposed to go to Cracker Barrel? That was our first thing we ever did together. Cracker Barrel. Like a year and a half ago. We're still going to go. I think we told people we weren't. We're going to go.

I'll go. Today's my one year at Barstool. yeah oh it's not i don't know sounds right and i wanted some fucking attention i got some for you i have some for you what a year it's been dude who would have thought that one year ago yeah it's been crazy it's always who would have thought who would have thought answer is we don't know what the fuck anything is going to... We don't know anything. No one would have thought. What was that?

No one was thinking that, right? You okay, Bob? No one knows what, like, whatever your life is, you don't know what's going to happen in three years. So, like, yeah, of course, when you... Like, when the three years come, you're not going to think that, like, all of those things, like, we're going to say you're not gonna think that like all of those things like we're gonna have you weren't gonna predict the future you know what i'm saying that

on a meme bro that's like that's the biggest thing that's the biggest thing about it and that's the biggest that's the craziest thing about it i don't know me did you steal that from someone i think you did we get that can we get that's just one of the biggest things. That shit's Nietzsche. You know what I'm saying, though? Like, 100%. Yeah, no, dude. I got you. I got you.

Oh, 110%. Oh, I feel you. You're speaking right now. God damn. And that's just one of the things. There's multiple things. When you really peel back the layers and think about it, that's, like, the craziest part. You know what I'm saying?

Oh, you're speaking. Yeah, for sure. For sure, for sure. I think you're me or something. that's like the craziest part you know what I'm saying yeah for sure for sure for sure should we spin the wheel real quick we haven't spun it Lomo Saltado was awesome is it going to be Lomo Saltado again or can there be like a Lomo Saltado equivalent on there

I don't think we tamper no don't tamper what are the odds what are the odds? What are the odds? I think they're definable. No. Hit that motherfucking thing, TJ.

We're good. That's dry all day. Yeah. All day. Yeah. Light work. Easy as pie. Light work. I saw the Marquette team getting off their bus on 23rd Street.

Really? Looked springy. Uh-oh. A little inside info. Insider info. Yeah, they were getting on the bus looking springy. They bound up the steps. Three steps.

I stopped to watch. Their whole team looked springy as fuck. So you saw them going to their hotel? Coming out of their hotel. Oh, coming out. Okay. So they're on their way to the game at MSG. They didn't walk the eight blocks.

They did take a bus. That would be a waste. It's snowing out. I'd love to see it. I'm going to get you a real quick call. See you. He wouldn't leave unless it was important. Yeah, that's not.

He wouldn't leave if it was important. New kid must have just dropped. New kid. Kid dropped. Dude, all my boys are having new kids, dude. Yeah, I've been seeing pregnant. When are you going to have a new kid? Left and right.

Like a Donnie Wahlberg? Was he the new kid yeah he was who was the other one night joey joey mcintosh i know all the new kids i don't know what yeah you're pretending name all the backstreet boys uh howie yeah um certainly howie yeah first all, the first one you say is Howie. Ryan Howie, one of the Carter boys. Nick. Jimmy. I know all the NSYNCs. I don't know all of them. Lance Bass.

That's NSYNC. Chris Kropacic, Lance Bass, Joey Fatone, J.C. Chazet, and Justin Timberlake. That's NSYNC. Yeah. I don't know all the Backstreet Boys. You forgot about Kevin. I did forget about Kevin Richardson. And AJ.

You ran with a very diverse crew in high school. They let you play boy bands? I also ran with some girls. I had a couple gay weekends. Did you? Yeah. Good. That was nice.

Those are important. Yeah. My chopper thinks it's gay. Oh, what a line. No, I don't think we did. Finish that. It's been blowing, guys. Oh, yeah. line. No, I don't think we did finish that. It's been blowing, guys. Oh, yeah, that was it.

Kids bop. That's how it goes. We hit dry, right? Yeah, we hit dry. We can get wet. Well, we can spend the game. TCU against Texas. I'm not going to waste rounds on someone who won't even spray for me.

That's facts, too. Damn. He's facts, too. He's been on a soapbox today. Why would I unload a clip on someone who wouldn't even spray for me? That's facts. That's something you have to ask yourself. Is that his name or his radio station? We should do a new... This guy, Pat Downey, tweeted that.

He was a good wrestler, but he's crazy. Now he's claiming he has a flesh-eating skin disease so he can't compete in his Bellator debut. We should start like KB's fortune cookies. Long-ass fortune cookies. It's a CVS receipt when you open it up.

Big-ass cookie. No cookie. You just eat the paper. Oh, man. You look skinny as fuck on that camera. What is going on there? Sucking in my stomach. You look like a life. No, but like side to side skinny.

His waist is like cinched as fuck. Yeah, you look bad, dude. You look bad. You look cinched, bro. You look snatched. My homie's an hourglass. Yeah, he thinks he's me or something. When did skinny become like an insult?

People were coming at you. I've told you to eat a burger. I've helped that, yeah. Isn't this better than the old alternative? People want skinny. I don't know, dude. Me and Owen kissed yesterday. Yeah, you did.

We kissed. It was good. What happened? I think skinny, like when I was in Madison last week, I was dancing with my shirt off. Well, Wisconsin is arguably the finest state. Well, yeah, Mississippi and Wisconsin up there. Cheesed out states.

They're just cheesed. Cheesed out. Yeah, but I was dancing with my shirt off, and the cheerleaders were. They loved it. Well, they were kind of like the only— You would need to be a little bulkier. You would look whack skinny. Right, but what I'm saying is I think in college,

I think if you went back to college right now All they got is skinny boys They want to see a real man Who's got some strength They're also rich Look at that That doesn't look rich to me No, that does not look rich

They knew who you were Yeah, look, they all asked for a picture after I fucked only three of them. I loved how your titties rubbed off on Brad Davidson. Oh, yeah, fully rubbed off. Do you have really fluid hips? Yes. Yeah, dude.

Yes, he does. He rules. You saw him play basketball. Yeah. Watch the new behind the scenes on PMTV. Bubba does a great job. Really good. He does.

So when are we going to play basketball because he's out for a week we have to play basketball I feel like we've lost that I think the moment's gone it's not warm yet and I think it's like

everybody all of us were like secretly thinking about basketball and I think that we're going to forget about it and then we'll play

and we'll be at our worst right we'll truly be at our worst we need to be at our worst it was made too real almost got to become virgins again yeah we got too good we'll be at our worst. We'll truly be at our worst. We need to be at our worst. It was made too real. Almost got to become virgins again? Yeah, we got too good. Training too hard. I won't be at

my worst. Perfected the craft. Stop training, Nick. Each passing day is the best I've ever been. No, stop training. You have to abandon your suit. I'm not joking. I have a trainer. Personal? Yes. His name's Carmelo. It's crazy how many people offer to him. It's OJ Mayo. Sincerely offered to train me. Dude, I don't care. personal yes name's carmelo it's crazy how many people is oj mayo sincerely offered to like train

me like dude i'm i don't care you know that means they're sending you toy trains which you're accepting i honestly think we could make money if we just created a basketball gym and made the rims just a little bit bigger so everyone got there a little bit lower yeah and they were like wow i feel wide are there any wide rim courts? Does that make it easier? No, that would be fun, yeah. Yes, it would make it easier. What if the cups were bigger and taller? I feel like it wouldn't.

I feel like it would throw me out. What if the end zone was like half the football field? What if the goal in hockey was twice the size? Well, they do it in orgles. There's golf courses with big holes that you could... It's called foot golf. Yeah. You ever played that? Is that like the soccer thing? Yeah, it's so stupid. I'm not... It's called foot golf. Yeah. You ever played that?

Is that like the soccer thing? Yeah, it's so stupid. I'm not in on the iterations of golf. Or golf itself. Disc golf? About baseball. Well, that's what they call, you know, disc golfers call golf foot golf.

Oh, yeah, it's like American golf. No, wait, do they call it foot golf? No, they call it club golf. I don't know what they call it. Fuck. Something else. This is TGA. Dumbest thing ever.

For tournaments, players must wear a polo t-shirt. Polo t-shirt. We should get in on one of these. This is Malaysia. This is Malaysia? Yeah, football Malaysia. Fuck. Is that right?

Where is that, New Jersey? Look at the wrong screen FootGolf Malaysia is actually in Hackensack, New Jersey Oh, so yeah, you don't get it twisted Oh, gets your balls confused Wow You can do that I like how they're explaining this like it's really hard to understand.

Polo shirts. That was a nice draft. I just play soccer. I think I made that up. I think the holes were just big during COVID because they didn't have landscapers. Yep, that's true. But it was fun. You didn't have to putt. It was just whoop.

What's he dragging? All your equipment's just a ball. There's like a putter. Different balls? Yeah, no, there's definitely. I mean, that's... No, disc golf. I didn't mean nothing by it. But you have different clubs,

discs, putter, mid-range. I've played a full disc golf course, Big Cat. I have too. I have too. I have as well. I also have too. I have as well. I'm actually low-key kind of sick at the game. I'm not sure. Was yours a flat terrain?

I was wooded. Okay. Mine was a mountain. His was low. And mine was... It's not... What's the... It's not Everest. It's Nepal. No. Kilimanjaro was where I played. Kilimanjaro, yes, sir. Kilimanjaro.

Where's K2? Pakistan? Yeah. I played up Kilimanjaro. Both ways? Well, it's only nine holes up, nine holes down. You play the front nine twice. Yeah, each hole is a mile and a half long.

You were pretty decent, though. Look at that. Dude, I got a fucking hammer throw. I beat the... There was like a professional with us. I beat him on a fucking hammer throw I beat the There was like a professional with us. I beat him on a couple holes. He was very embarrassed I think professional just means you did it like five or six times. Yeah, no I am a professional PFTs lost a lot of weight He's looking chonk there We don't have to watch this video. Just show my best shot.

You know the exact time stamp. Go ahead and say it. Just pull it up real quick. Oh, there's a few. Okay. What was that? What was that? That's O'Malley.

Chicken fry and O'Malley. Chicken fry. Queens of the Yak. That's right. O'Malley's due for a cameo. His own cameo. Here we go. Here's probably a sick shot.

Probably a sick shot? Well, every shot I had was sick. You should put a GoPro on the disc. Oh, that would actually be funny. It's hard to throw with a GoPro. Watch, here it comes. Bam. Oh, look at that.

Split the trees. But where's the goal? Right next to it. Let's go. Yep, you could hear it. This is your fourth. We don't have to watch this. What a pleasant day that was. It was a nice day.

Where's that, Oregon? That was Disc Golf Malaysia. On Long Island. We're swampy. That was disc golf Malaysia. Oh, okay. Very nice. On Long Island. More swampy.

Yeah, Long Island. Long Island. What is the defining characteristic of Malaysia, Kyle? Don't say ladyboys. It's Thailand. They're more... That's why I told him not to say it. They lose a lot of planes.

A lot of trees, tall trees. Yeah? All trees. Play a little geoguessor? They're more... That's why I told him not to say it. They lose a lot of planes. A lot of trees. Tall trees. Yeah? All trees. Play a little GeoGuessr? They're more westernized. You want to get a GeoGuessr going? Cultural hotbed. Why don't you teach us how to play GeoGuessr?

Yeah, why don't we get a GeoGuessr going? It's very learnable. It's not like a knowledge-based game. Pull up GeoGuessr? It's like any game. I like to do it raw. Yeah. It's not like an intelligence test.

Do you travel around to get the lay of the land and then guess, or do you guess off the very first? There's multiple ways to play. I play off the rip. Mine is just I can look around but can't move on Street View. Play some GeoGuessr. It'll be fun. I'd say that till Friday when nobody else

is here. Yeah, that'll be like a... Who's here on Friday? Oh yeah, so here's the schedule. Yeah, so here's the schedule. Next week on Thursday and Friday there'll be like a... Who's here on Friday? Oh, yeah, so here's the schedule. Yeah, so here's the schedule. Next week on Thursday and Friday, there'll be no Yak. Facts. Or Picks and Trolls. March Madness. Yeah, March Madness.

There's going to be streams. We'll be streaming. So that will be... We'll have no Yak on Thursday and Friday. Just a heads up for everyone out there. Because it's stupid to do the Yak while games are going on, while streams are going on. Stealing views. Counter. Yeah, we'd. Stealing views. Counter.

Yeah, we'd steal all the views. And also, I assume most people watching. So I think you three will be on that. Yes. And also, I would assume most people will be watching March Madness. Yeah. I just don't want to take the foot off the gas. Yeah.

No. We deserve a little break. Just tweet from the account then, bro. Yeah, why don't you live tweet from the account what you would have said. Twitter is going crazy. Is it? Just tweet from the account then, bro. Yeah, why don't you live tweet from the account what you would have said? Twitter is going crazy. Is it? What an evolution for me just being a character, pretending to be like a Bostonian man to Quiggs' expert edits.

Quiggs has been on fire. Yeah. Let's not downplay your Rhode Island and North Shore Mass banter. Good era. It's great. I was fishing for that. I feel like you pulled it up. This Quigs, that is incredible.

That was breathtaking. I don't know how he does it. Run it again, run it again, run it again. Yeah, yeah. It's aesthetically pleasing. It is. Didn't Bob Ross start his programs like that? Did he?

Did he? Bob Ross. I think he put a paint roller on the screen. Rounders too. Quigs. Stop it, Quigs. Fucking dog. How did Quigs do that?

Not the rounders. He's such a weird brain. Yeah, he really is. He truly is a weird brain. Is Quigs a national treasure? I think he is. He's got his own department now. Should we protect him at all costs?

Yeah. Should we hang him in the Louvre? Probably the most uncomfortable tweet on Twitter Is you're a national treasure Protect this person at all costs Am I in danger? Makes me want to assassinate that person Okay protect him then

So we're putting a target on Quigg's back now Must protect this person at all costs Like children of men Yeah what Were we about to was there a hit out who's here tomorrow I am should we watch children of men on one of the

screens and just have it on the background dude I've been fiending to watch that that is last time I watched a movie big trouble I'm saying don't show the movie big trouble for a pretty little titty was it pretty little titty or pretty little titty? It was 80s, so it was...

I'll let you be the judge. It was Robocop. Like the elf shoe. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. A clog. Like a clog titty.

That's a pretty little titty. Pretty little titty. Badass hair. That state is so bad um yeah we gotta watch fucking children of men tomorrow it's clive owen there's only like one baby on earth i heard he's a nightmare true with yeah is he shame they're running out of kids dude they're running like we're about to live in children of men i'm about to watch it just to prepare there's about to live in Children of Men. I'm about to watch it just to prepare. There's about to be a cliff of children. You think we're running out of kids? Children?

Brandon gets to work. It's a fact that we're running out of kids. If I'm going to have another one this year, I've got to get going, don't I? Are you really thinking about it? Yeah. No, you can't do it now. Are you thinking about it? Can't do it now.

I said I was going to have number five in 2022 for you guys. You're not. You can't do it now. All right, let me go. You better go right now. Yeah, get home right now. I think it's too late in the year. Oh, it's right at it.

Steven, how you doing? Steven and I got in a little bit of a fight yesterday. It was uncomfortable. What? No, I thought we were fine. But it was just fine. You were justified in your points, and you texted me after. I was justified, yeah.

What was it over? It was just over ad stuff. Yeah. I didn't yell. I just was stern. Are they trying to make you do too much shit? No, just bad communication. But we've got to figure it out.

We always do. Why don't you just lose the advertisers? Yeah, I mean, I threatened to do that. I actually said to Hank, I'm just not going to do any ads now. Quite simple. Steven. Yes. Could we try to get, I'm just not going to do any ads now. Quite simple. Stephen. Could we try to get Kratom ads on anus?

What's up, Rudy? Do you have a contact there? No. No. There's an inventory. Rudy Sass has been suspended so you're welcome to come on while he's out. Sweet. I saw that yesterday. That was ugly. Yep. Well, you saw it, but you didn't hear what he said. Were you saying that? No. We can't. That was ugly. Yep. Well, you saw it, but you didn't hear what he said.

Yeah, were you saying that? No, no, no. We can't. It was a mistake to have the cameras on. Yeah, Brandon had some heat behind that throw. Well, it was completely justified on Brandon's end. We went through it, but, like, Brandon did nothing wrong. Sass is lucky to have a job today.

Would he say that Brandon fell off? No. No. Why do you think that's what he said? I'm sure he thought that. Yeah. I mean, when I saw that, I was like, damn, that looks like someone who just got told they fell off.

Oh, shit. Did you fall off? I don't think I've fallen off. Well, I mean, yeah. I didn't think so either, but that would make me mad if someone said I fell off. Ron, did I fall off? You're sneaky in your flop era right now. Oh, you haven't even begun to peak.

You don't think? Mm-mm. All it is is your priorities changed. It's not like that you fell off. What is the chat saying? Rudy stands going wild. Oh, let's go, Rudy. I think you could just say women.

It's the fitspo, bro. Like, where are you drawing inspo from on the boots? Is it Kanye? Is it LaBeouf? LaBeouf lower half. LaBeouf lower half. LaBeouf is a huge influence. I just was feeling tactical this spring.

Oh, shit. That's why I went with the combat boots. Okay. Just in case something pops off. What tactics are you rolling with? Gorilla. Yeah, good, good, good. Makes sense.

Rudy. I believe him. Do you feel good or bad that you left Mean Girl Pod and then they both had crises? I feel really bad. Okay. Did they have respective crises? I don't know if Jordan did, but Alex had to go to Oklahoma. I saw that.

The crises were sad. The crises. I may have to make a return to save her. Poor girl. Not to harp on it, but she did. Who? Who did have crises? I saw that it was sad crises I may have to make a return to save her poor girl not to harp on it but she did she did

who Jordan did her they both did with Rudy out of their life maybe that's the maybe that's the whole gist of the mean girl pod you need a strong man

you need a strong man National Women's Day is over boy uncork that bitch they're mean as long as they have a strong male National Women's Day Is over boy Uncork that bitch Go pod They're mean As long as they have A strong man backing them

What was Jordan's crisis? I don't know actually I don't know I think she You know I'm not talking about a term By the way Because they said all this

On the show Yes Oh no It's because he listened Alex went back to Oklahoma to Refind herself Oh no

Said he needs A break from content and stuff. Yeah. Damn. New York does that to people. You got to get her on the right drug schedule. Eat you up and spit you out. You can't get addicted to one single one.

You got to find, you got to take- You got to hop around. Multiple ones to- Go up. You don't want one of the ones that'll- Switch. Fuck with your appetite. It should be upper, upper, downer, upper, upper, downer.

Well- Yeah, I was going to say, where's the middle? Yeah, you need the mid. No. No. What's a mid drug? A ton of cholesterol. Oh, there's many mid drugs.

Like a blood thinner. PCP. Oh, okay. Yeah. I've been fucked with PCP lately. Is PCP mid? Yeah, it's mid. It's a mellow high.

So mid. Yeah. It's more of a cerebral. Yeah. It goes right to your dog. You find yourself. This is the pcp if you just want to get lost in the fucking couch yeah you got to get them on the kratom grind we should have someone do ego death this year oh fuck yeah who's the biggest ego out of all of us so many at no no no don't you like shit it out of you too you should go out oh. Imagine if Brandon took so much acid he had ego death. You throw it up.

It's like ayahuasca. I think you throw up your ego. Literally throw it. Yeah, it comes out of your body. I would love to see that man do that. Why me? We scoop it up and we put it in the refrigerator and save it. That man scoop.

Yeah, you pickle his ego. Whatever I say, y'all got to do. I would do ayahuasca with you, Brandon. Find God. I don't know what that is it's a uh i think it's a root that's in south america like having a root beer yeah it's a root beer it's a south american root beer i'll do a root beer and you puke up your demons that connor murphy guy got addicted to it right yeah dude the yo i still follow yeah that's got kb is he okay what's he going what's he doing i i haven't followed.

I think that's the same functioning thing as DMT, which you used to have to smoke as a powder out of a crack pipe, but now DMT is just in vape pens. You can just get a vape pen of DMT. Isn't that the drug released in your brain when you die? Yeah, I think so, but it's also in grass. Yeah. I think it's in your body all the time,

and you get it when you sleep. It's dreamy. I don't get the desire to do that. That's a lie. My whole thing is I want to... You took 3T. I want to be happier. Yeah. Or feel more comfortable.

And think like... The only reason I would ever take it is... Think way less, not more. Yes. I just want to sleep forever. Or sleep. That's why I... I've been having fantasies about getting admitted to a hospital.

What? Sedated, chilling. He texted me out of nowhere. He's like, how sick would Lyme disease be? We mutually agree that that would be the best long-term hospitalization. Lyme disease? A month chilling? You get it from a tick?

How do you get Lyme disease? My brother got it from a tick. He's a field biologist. Yeah. What? A deer tick How do you get Lyme disease? My brother got it from a tick. He's a field biologist. Yeah. What? A deer tick, right? A field biologist?

Yeah, he studies birds. He lives in the woods. No way. Lyme disease is natural. He lives in the woods? What state? He lives in Montreal right now. Who pays him? In the summer, the Audubon Society.

That's crazy. Who pays the Audubon Society? Where's this lead? Trudeau, probably. Biden. I think Biden runs a check for that one that theory that all birds are just microphones yeah not real he would know but he can't tell me it's actually fucking crazy in the summer him and his wife live in a lighthouse on an island and the

only ones on the island probably have crazy sex yeah they're they're yeah you could you could have sex it's got to be off it's got to be off the hook yeah night one or two and i think by the end of it it's probably like they fucking hate each other and are just having sex out of obligation. Imagine splitting some guts. Yo, what the fuck? Don't say that shit about my brother. They have sex and they have fun every single time. Your brother enjoys it.

I have to fuck today, and he's not that into it. Imagine stuffing your wife's guts in a lighthouse. Rearrange. You could have a megaphone Attached to a bluetooth speaker and not a single soul would hear you Damn they'd probably just get wild Why would you need the bluetooth speaker Uh

I don't know Imagine playing Tetris with your wife's guts in like a gazebo A gazebo A gazebo sex I've had sex in a pagoda I remember that Not a gazebo? A gazebo sex. I've had sex in a pagoda. I remember that. Not a gazebo. No, that was a kiosk, a common kiosk.

Yeah, it was a kiosk. Cell phone kiosk. Cricket wireless. It was a talcum kiosk. Powdered you. Talcum in the middle. Yeah. He studies birds.

He's got Lyme disease. How hot is his wife? Dudes with Lyme disease. How hot is his wife? Dudes with Lyme disease have the baddest bitches. As I was saying that, I was like, don't do this. We can't go there. We can pull her up. No.

Just fucking beat her up. Oh, we couldn't? I get what you're saying. Yeah. Does your brother look like you? He looks like Zach Alphanakis. What? What? A spitting image of Zach Alphanakis.

Is that mean? Zach Alphanakis rocks. Right, but he's not. Well, yeah. like you he looks like zach alfanakis what's that spitting image of zach i mean or no zach alfanakis rocks right but he's well yeah he's not known for his storyline no i think that he's got that like bear quality that people like if zach alfanakis got too skinny he'd be ugly if you say someone rocks or rules they're ugly yeah nah like oh that guy rules like oh yeah he's ugly as fuck no one's ever sloppy especially if we asked if he was handsome like we did. Dude, Jonah Hill's the best. He rocks. Your brother looks like Zach Galifianakis as a bird watcher.

Yeah. Yeah. How much weed does that dude smoke? He's an interesting man. And lives in a lighthouse. Yeah. We all fuck with weed in the Jundas. Yeah?

Yeah. Colorado men. Yeah, real stoners. Rado. Yeah. You used to talk about your dad like being like nervous sending his bags through or whatever and you yeah i wonder why he was so nervous yeah when i was younger we used to go on trips when we go to the east coast he'd be like nervously waiting at

baggage claim like why is this motherfucker so nervous like bags are gonna come and then like 15 years later i put it together i was like oh he was trafficking he's pushing yeah he was pushing weight across coast to coast. Yeah, he was pushing weight. Love that. Love that about him. Bring two pounds for the family. Yeah. Rationing like the Gronkowskis give out milk. Just like a ton of weed for the family. Imagine like that realization

when you're like 12 or 13 you'd be like, yeah, my dad is a drug dealer. It'd be crazy. If you want to take it deeper, like your dad is like a I mean ghastly criminal yeah yeah that'll be i don't know before 12 rapists oh oh my dad's i listened to a podcast once where they were like it was it was they were adults and they were they had like figured out as their dad was dying that

he was a murderer that and they had like traveled as kids like every like six months their family would just pick up and go to a new city and it was because their dad was like killing someone whoa it was wild i would respect that more so they like finally put it together like oh they thought he'd go every time like when we moved from like columbus to like i can't remember where they moved to after that but like oh yeah it's because he killed someone i thought he just had the wanderlust bug yeah it's crazy the whole world's gone crazy woman in pennsylvania did he admit it before he died or did they just put it together naturally he must put he put it i think he admitted to some of it right before he died. I can't remember. They might have figured it out.

No. How would you admit to something before you die? This is a true crime of my own brain. I'm pretty sure the daughter figured it out and turned him in when she was an adult. That's kind of fucked up. But he was a murderer and a bad guy. That's your kin. Real quick, Kev. murderer and a bad guy. But that's your kin. Real quick, Kev. What's up, Kev?

What's up, Kev? This cool guy, Kev. I'd be remiss not to put any effort into the Kent State Best Bar Challenge. So what do we have to tweet? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tweet hashtag Best Bar WST. Hashtag Best Bar WST. Let's go, Kev.

Do you have any new slang? Oh, yeah. Let's go, Kev. Any new slang to give us? What's up?. Let's go, Kev. Kev, any new slang? Oh, yeah. Let's go, Kev. Any new slang to give us? What's up? Just some new slang, Kev. What do you mean slang? Slang.

He doesn't have slang. Kev, go top to bottom. What's your fit? What are we wearing? We got Air Force Ones. Okay, nice. Crispy. Black pants.

Crispy. Yeah, from? Undeniable. I don't know. Check the tag. All right, all right, all right. Check tag for him, Owen. He knows. Tag for him tag for him Owen he fucking knows he's gatekeeping champion yeah is that from summit mall Akron oh shit you got his ass

chill chill all right chill in. In the bubbly. He's giving away all the secrets. Let us live, bro. All right. Best Bar WST. Tweet that. You can insult us. If you have something to say to us, Wall Street Tavern is the best bar in the world. You'd have a Wall Street.

Pull up. Tell us a memory. I say Wall Street. Yeah, you said Wall. Water Street Tavern. Yeah. It was always like Wall Street. Yeah, you said Wall. Water Street Tavern. Yeah. It was always like Wall Street. It was always like too crowded and like too small, but it was fun.

Is that the bar that you followed the girl home from? What? No. Uh-oh. No, bro. Make sure she was safe. Make sure she was safe. Uh-oh.

Say yes. No, that wasn't the bar, but yes. Thanks, Kev. Thank you. You're the man, dog. You're the man, dog. He is the man, dog. Love that guy. To death.

To life. That's what you're supposed to say, to life. Love him to life. Dion says, I love him to life. Dude, how about Dion losing toes? Two of them. What the fuck? Didn't know that.

Crazy. You didn't? I didn't know that shit until I saw the documentary. We made some, that was the closest I've ever been to making some really bad jokes about someone who almost died. Kind of still can make really bad jokes about him. No, but we were doing it in the moment. Like, I remember Dave and I were like, Dion's so lazy he's not on the show this week.

I was telling the lie. He was dying. He was possibly dying. That's how you cope with potential death. Yeah, that's true. A roast. A nice roast. Yeah.

How you grieve. Keep him on his toes. You should do a roast. Bryce Hall? Who are we roasting? Sass? That would be funny. Actually, that would give him such an...

He gets to sit in a throne or something. It would give him an inflated sense of self-worth. How about Big Cat? We should positively roast Mincy. Oh, my God. How funny would that be? Been doing that for a month now. Mincy is so good.

That's the only manner in which we speak about him. Just put it all together. Greatest hits. Mincy. Didn't you guys watch the Bryce Hall roast? I didn't watch it. I didn't know it happened. I heard that Josh Richards had half his jokes from Whitney Cummings cut oh

no yeah Whitney Cummings wrote all of his shit and I heard it was amazing and then he said that they didn't their sponsor cut a bunch of jokes out didn't Whitney Cummings wasn't she nice to you or something yeah I didn't she want to like you know she's yeah she complimented me very heavily and then she said she

was gonna get me on Raya that was an empty do those guts yeah okay coming she's funny her last name's funny liberal she's liberal yeah you're big lib a huge lib i only love biden i only have sex with liberals well they're liberals after they fuck you yeah i yeah it's a it's a conversion program i'm like a mormon You canvas your dick leans left. Yeah. Yeah. I had a buddy that played hockey that was utterly convinced that the way your penis leaned was a direct correlation to your political affiliation.

That's true. Yeah. And I honestly, when we did, we did like a little canvas of the room and it was very, very accurate. Wow. Really? Yeah. I'm an up the middle guy. Really?

In college, we never even thought about political affiliations. American? Yeah. We never even spoke. Yeah, in the hockey locker room, all we would do is talk politics, high-level shit. That's your white privilege showing, KB, that you didn't have to think about politics? Yeah. I wish I was that lucky.

You guys were like 27 in college, too. Yeah, we were 32. I love when it's like occupied i don't feel like talking about politics like well actually that's really offensive yeah you have the you have the luxury of not thinking about it no i just i i just don't want to fucking talk about it you've never had a president affect your life yeah fact that speaks volumes. Your shirt's really close to the tone of your skin. We mentioned that. What was we saying, though?

It's so skinny on him, too, that there's no wrinkles in the shirt, so it looks like your little nubile body. His body's been going crazy, though. Yeah. You're looking tight. High-waisted. It's the best body in the room. Yes. Those are jealous.

Easily. For sure. Not even close. It's the best body in the room Easily Not even close It's close This actually besides your shirt This is probably the least visual show we've ever had It might actually be good for the podcast Yeah what is our move with the podcast We're going to try to fix the podcast People are still tuning into the podcast

Also I'm on it for I saw a couple people ask that the Yak gets reposted on the Yak YouTube by five o'clock for the commute. That will be done. Thank you to everyone who watches on the Yak YouTube. We want to grow it.

I want to, yeah, let's... Subscribe to it. We're going to do some, we have some big time content ideas for this summer. Dude, say it. Dude, say it. Why don't you say it?

Say it, say it, say it. It's such a good idea. Say it, say it, say it. It's you say it Say it It's such a good idea Say it It's good We all got excited about it Which I feel like is I wouldn't say it's rare But it's just

I think Hank's gonna get mad at me But either way Whatever It's in the very Early stages of planning It's fetal It's fetal But we are going to do

Barstool Idol Hosted by the Yak With our own spin to it Our own twist and turn but we are going to do Barstool Idol hosted by the Yak. It's our own spin to it. It's going to be similar. It's going to basically be hiring a new person, but the Yak will be hosting it, so it will be like we will be the judges and all the content will be run through the Yak for that week.

Executioners. Right. It also will scratch the itch of i've always always always wanted to be hosting a reality television show and just send someone home one minute into it we will do yes we'll do the wheel like everyone shows up in one and it could be the funniest person in the world and it just sucks i don't want to work with somebody that's unlucky yeah right exactly just the idea of someone just showing up and being like, thanks for coming. See ya.

Exactly. That's a massive announcement. That's going to be fun as fuck. That's going to be huge. I feel like it's always been a fruitful time having people just coming in, trying out. It's good. It's fertile. Maybe we play basketball against them.

Oh, yeah. Like a 10-on-10 game. 10-on-1. Yeah, for a contract. Yeah, actually, that's what we should do. We should just play Team Yak versus Team Barstool Idol. They get two players, we get five. They're the Washington Generals.

And we feel awesome. Yeah, we're just going to use the whole week to boost our own egos. Worse you are, the more likely you are to get a contract. Human Furniture Week. That's awesome. Barstool Idol. I'm glad that's coming back. That's cool. That was my first week at Barstool when I first startedurniture Week. That's awesome. Barstool Idol. I'm glad that's coming back. That's cool. That was my first week at Barstool when I first started was Idol Week.

Really? Yeah, and I was like, holy fucking shit. That was Buffet of Bits. Oh, yeah. Hey, that was awesome. The Michigan dude. Dude, the Michigan dude. Party mush.

The Michigan dude works for fucking pro football focus now. Really? Yeah, because I followed him. Oh, Steven just perked up. He's like, that's my dream job. Their top scout. My dream job. I follow him from when Barso Lytle,

and then all of a sudden I saw a tweet where he was talking about grades of players, and I was like, who the fuck is this I follow? And then I looked at him. Whatever his name is, Salfuego or Dave. Dave Salfarro. Salfarro. I love that.

Salfuego. Salfuego is Charlie Weiss' bird. He would attack people when they would have recruits come to his house. Okay. He had a bird that would attack people. Solfuego. We have to make a promise right now. None of us are going to fall in love with any of the contestants.

You're saying that for yourself, dude. Stop saying that for yourself. Look at that rice. It's a little rom-com. Just make it into a rom-com now. Start shooting the rom-com now. Guys, I think they're really funny. Mr. Monster.

Did you see it? Mr. Monster. Stop. I'm already nervous for when we send somebody home with the wheel. Yeah. Why? Oh, it's going to be electric. Because it's going to be like the one black dude that...

Right. Worst possible person. It's going to be a black one black dude that... Right, right. The worst possible person. It's going to be a black woman. Yeah. Black lesbian. See ya. You're acting like it would be an unjust firing. The wheel is just.

I understand that, but it's just... We're going to have to watch that. See, this is what I'm afraid of. I don't think you have the... I got it. No, but sending someone home a minute in, it takes some nerves of steel because it will be sad. Yeah.

It's very, very funny. It's harder for us than it is for them. In Squid Games, the first one cuts it right in half. We could just have everyone listen and tell us if it's a recent or a milk dud. Oh, man. That could get us from 100 to a 50 right off the bat.

What do you got, Steven? Breaking news. TJ, hit him. Hank's mad at me. What's your number here? Are you good? Breaking news. TJ, hit him. Hank's mad at me. We're going to have to get breaking news. What's your number here? Are you good? 144.5. Carson Wentz.

I am, but I'm not. Wentz. To Washington. Oh, no. Where's PFT? Oh, that sucks. Oh, my God. On the day he was outed as a loser, right, Rowan?

Yeah. What a terrible fucking return on an investment by them, and what a terrible move by Washington. The Colts suck and Washington sucks. That's so bad. That's awesome. Wow. That's so dumb.

What a pleasure to be able to play against them. What a pathetic franchise. Yeah. And now they're moving their stadium to, like, deep into Virginia or something? That must offend you. Very much so. Why? You hate deep into Virginia.

Yeah. I'm fine with suburban located stadiums, but come on. Going deep Virginia is not a good play? It's not that deep. It's pretty deep. Yeah, it's not like that deep it's pretty deep yeah it's like surface i mean the whole quarterback thing is just i have such a new tune now that yeah you got russell wilson got russ it's like it's amazing how the world just opens up to you in new and unique ways like today shitty day weather's shitty outside i woke up i was like man we got it's not unusual

it's amazing what amazing what it does. There's no other sport where a single position can completely transform your mood. And the Giants are going to get Trubisky? Oh, my goodness. Yeah, Mitch. Oh, my goodness. Get that. How do you feel, Roan?

I feel good about Jalen Hurts now. He's like the best. The Giants are. Oh, no, he's not. Not the best in the division. Is that what you're talking about? Did you hear what Amari Cooper called Dak Prescott? He called him White Kirk Cousins.

What? Black Kirk Cousins. Black Kirk Cousins. Oh, jeez. White Kirk Cousins. Oh, man, that is a level of white. That's powder. You're a white cousin.

Imagine Kirk Cousins just whiter. Oh, there's PFT. Yeah. Bring him in. Bring him in. Bring him in. Bring him in. Bring him in. Bring him in. Bring him in. Bring him in.

Bring him in. Look at the nerdy-ass Urkel. His body language looks really, really shitty. PFT! Oh, my God. Please. Bring him in. Bring him in.

A quick word? A quick word? Initial thoughts? A quick word? A quick word? Initial thoughts? A quick word? A quick word? It's not that bad. He barely threw any interceptions last year. He threw seven interceptions.

It's not like you promised yourself you'd blind yourself with acid. Oh, my God. I got a good spin zone for you, PFT. Wait, wait. You said you'd blind yourself with acid. I'll do it. I'll do it. Here it is.

Here it is right up there. Right back to the sun. I'd rather blind myself. No, throwing acid in your own eyes. Well, there's no guarantee you'll play 17 games. I think I have to quit football. Listen, here's the good news. I'm a World Cup fan now.

I'm going to give you a spin zone. No, there's no spin zone. No, there is. Honestly, fucking Schefter was trolling me when we did that interview with him last week, and he kept bringing it up over and over. He's like, well, Carson Wentz. And he knew what was going to happen. Yeah.

And he was just fucking with me this entire time. I think I don't have any straws left. I think I'm out of straws with the football team. You're out? So my spin zone is that now you and Dan Orlowski can just, like, pal around talking about how great Carson Wentz is. Because he even said yesterday, he was like, he's a good leader and the Colts are making a mistake. So there you go.

It's just you and Dan Orlovsky. He's a good leader. Wait, but didn't they just say that he was rooting against the Eagles to win the Super Bowl? Yeah, he was. He couldn't play in the game? How's that a good leader? He'll be fine.

He barely threw any interceptions. Washington's not going to play the Jags or the Titans next year, right? So it's pretty much a perfect quarterback. There you go, Steven. That was good. Yeah, that's a positive. I've never felt this despondent going into a year of football. I've never felt this way about – this is like just – I should blind myself.

Wait, but – If there was acid – when I found out the news about Carson Wentz, if there had been a vat of acid in front of me at that moment, I would have splashed myself directly in the face. I started screaming. I couldn't control. I just started screaming, fuck, fuck, no. And I stood up and I walked out of the cave.

Not for content. No cameras in there or anything. Big Ev thought that somebody died. Everybody was like, oh, my God, is PFT okay? You even have to start him at two third-round picks, though. Do you have to start him? I feel like you could start someone else. Here's the other thing, PFT, that's going to be way worse is that now everyone's going to be like, dude, why are you complaining?

That's the best quarterback you've had in two decades, which is actually correct. It's not true. We had, like, nine games of RG3. Right, but, like, in terms of, like, that's the worst when you're – Last night, I thought Jameis Winston was going to be my quarterback. Yeah, that would have been awesome. Last night, I was so pumped.

I was super pumped. And then this happens, and it's honestly, like – I mean, Roan, you know more than anybody, but – Well, no, he had good Carson Wentz. He had good Carson Wentz. Barely. For a year. But that was when anybody. Well, no, he had good Carson Wentz. He had good Carson Wentz for a year. But that was when people were still convincing themselves that he was good. Now public consensus has drifted so far the other direction

that you could kind of get like a pendulum swing, a bounce back. I appreciate you guys trying to spin. I need to work on – first I need to just get over whatever emotion I'm feeling right now, and then I'll be able to prepare some spend zones for it. Can you define the emotion you're feeling right now? I've never felt this way. And I'm a fan of the fucking Washington football team that has done this. Commanders now.

Commanders. Commanders. Commanders. There has not been a single season that I can remember where I didn't have some sort of tragic disappointment in the team. But this is the lowest that I recall ever feeling about the team. Bam. You have a fucked up look on your face. I love it. This is awesome.

I don't think I've ever seen this look on your face. I don't think I've ever felt this look on my face. I was terrified you guys were going to draft Malik Willis, and he was going to be great for 10 years, and he just would be like the prototype of a modern quarterback. Still could. That'd be nice. You know what?

Let's get Nick Foles in, because I think if you get Nick Foles on the same team as Carson Wentz. Carson Wentz will pout. And Carson Wentz will pout. Carson Wentz will pout. And then Nick Foles will play and he'll play well. I don't know. I need some time to work myself.

I'm sorry I'm not being very eloquent right now. You're going to walkabout or something. The word devastated. Take a walk and you'll be fine. You know what I'm going to do? Bender. I might just being very eloquent right now. You're going to walk about or something. The word devastated. Yeah, take a walk and you'll be fine. You know what I'm going to do? Bender. I might just cut all my hair off today. What?

No, no, no. I might just. That's stupid. Don't do that. Not over Carson Wentz. He doesn't deserve it. He's not the Delilah that you need. Oh, don't do that because then he wins. He's winning.

Carson Wentz is basically making you think. I'm having a nervous breakdown right now. Oh, you're going to be fine. He's going to be sick. Hit the bottle. Take to the bottle. You'll probably get hurt anyway. Take to the bottle.

He knows the division. Bender. And he probably still has to pass a physical, which is not a given. Good point, Steven. Good point. That was the worst point made. No. Where is he right now?

I will go cut his achilles and and i mean we don't root for injuries but your guys field there's no way he's playing seven yeah no he's definitely that's also a good point disaster on that field well so i went from last night thinking okay james winston it might happen the draft at least kenny pickett came into the office yesterday yeah and he was like yeah i had a great interview with the commanders i feel like it's down to them and a couple other teams And he was like, yeah, I had a great interview with the Commanders. I feel like it's down to them and a couple other teams. And I was like, fuck yeah, give me Kenny Pickett. Give me Malik Willis. Give me Matt

Corral. But you might get any of those guys. It doesn't take you out. I think Corral and I have the same birthday. Oh, that would be so fun. It would have been awesome. We could have hung out together. A nice little treat, yeah. On to TGI Fridays. Oh, TGI Fridays with Carson Wentz. Don't have the same birthday.

Not even close. It's the exact opposite of your birthday. He doesn't even eat meat on Fridays. Put yourself in Carson's shoes. He's moving to a new team with a new fan base. And he's one of the predominant fans. Like having the worst day of his life over his existence. Well, as bad as it is for me, it's actually probably worse for carson wins today

yeah he's gonna see this clip of you like distraught well no i'm just saying like he's so bad at his well yeah because at least you're born into it like he's been other places he hasn't always been with the commanders he hasn't always been with washington like he's he got cast a bad lot going to you guys carson wins does he think that being a fan is something that you choose, or was I born this way? He could just convert me. Yeah, you're right. I'm just so shocked right now. Maybe you will be converted. My hands

are sweaty. I feel like I don't have any blood left in my body. He took all my blood. I think you can sell yourself on him. I'm already kind of thinking he might be good. I went through it last year. He's going to be good. If I went back and forth our pendulums would swing, I'd be like Carson Wentz looks

like he could be a good quarterback again. And then I would be totally off him and then you'd be on him. I'm back on him. He's going to be sick, dude. He's going to be so sick. I'm going to need maybe Roan or Smitty or one of the Philly guys to give me a guide a guide on how to survive what to expect when you're expecting

carson wentz i really think that you have to convince yourself that he's good i think that's the only way to live is you have to like buy in fully you need a colts fan to do it because colts fans literally convince themselves like when i would bash carson wentz colts fans would be like dude he's been awesome yeah the col Yeah, the Colts. Like, not the Colts. They really believed. They actually were like, Carson Wentz is going to be the answer. So you need to get a Colts fan to be like, hey, this is the playbook. Because they would always be like, oh, yeah, he's only thrown like six picks this year. All that shit.

You have better receivers than the Colts? Yeah. Better running backs? Well, we have. No, no. Trailing off. We do have players. Better running backs. Are we trailing off? We do have players. Do you have players?

Carson Wentz loves playing football with football players. And having him play against the Eagles twice a year? Yeah, it's going to be him returning to Philly. You think they're going to treat him well? No. Does they ever treat anybody well?

You've got to ring. Don't give the guy ammunition for a grievance against your city. This is just bad. I'm sorry. I don't recall ever feeling this poorly about anything. That's my best advice is buy in. Come up with a good nickname.

Buy in. That's all you can do. I will probably figure out a way to do that, but as of now, I'm not in a mental state to even bargain with myself. You need a day, and then we're going to buy in. That's all you can do. I bought into Mike Glennon.

You can do it. You definitely have to get drunk. I think I have to get drunk tomorrow's a new day. I tried to sell you on that. Yeah, no, I bought into way worse than Carson Wentz. You're going to be just fine. Break yourself down and then build yourself back up. I think I got to get drunk.

Kind of forget that today happened, so I'll wake up tomorrow morning and I'll be like, was yesterday real? No, well, there's two parts. One is you also just have to say you're still going to draft a guy. That can absolutely happen. Right, so that's going to draft a guy. That can absolutely happen. Right. So that's going to be fine.

So Carson Wentz is a stopgap where it's like you just want him on the roster. What did you give up? Two-thirds? Two-thirds, that's nothing. That's less than they gave up for Darnold. That's a smart play to just see if maybe he's good again for a couple games. You know what? We just took a flyer on him.

It's a flyer. Exactly, a flyer. It's not the long-term solution. Former top pick in the NFL draft. Correct. This guy is a guy that has been a guy. Eagles spent a first-round pick on him. Colts spent a first-round pick on him. You got him for a third round pick? Yeah, he's a new-age Sam Bradford. You know what? We got value.

We got value. We took a flyer on him. It's going to be a lot like Mike Lennon, actually. We're probably going to draft a guy. Tried. He tried to tell you. Schefter said he tried to tell you. Shut the fuck up, Schefter! Alright, well, we're going to end this show. You've got to go back at Schefter. Yeah, do that.

I can't even think. Take some time. Take some time. So Schefter knew this for a week? Yeah, I guess so. He's just holding it in. Nick, you have a good guy. Nick, you have a clear head. What did it give some silver linings?

I get uncomfortable when PFT shows emotion like that. I wouldn't want Carson Wentz. He won't look good. He's not an emotional guy. He isn't. He's a joke guy. That was off-putting. When he does that, I'm like, oh. Oh, he's going back to Schefter right now.

Yeah, he has to. I want to say. Damn. Never seen him like that. I. Never seen him like that. I've never seen him like that. Well, it's just, yeah, because you usually got to quip. Give me a frame of reference. You got to quip.

How bad is Carson Wentz? He's not good. Give me the sandwich him in between two quarterbacks. What quarterbacks are he equivalent? He's like annoyingly good at times and then is bad. Like he's, you'd rather have a bad guy. You'd rather have Jameis Winston. He will make you believe.

He'll make you believe and then he'll take it away. Right. The Steelers are going to get Jameis Winston. He'll play good enough where you're like, okay, this is something, and then he'll just fucking rob you of everything. The Colts, he got the Colts to a respectable place and then just stopped being good this year immediately. He kills hella ducks, too.

Hella ducks. He had a play last year where he sprained both of his ankles on the same play. What did he get, like dropped from two stories? Oh, he did. Oh, that's like that skier. Frank's talking to him. It'll be okay. Oh, the clap. Frank's gleeful.

Uh-oh. Frank's giving him the fucking piss. You're bald. By the way, I talked a few Tourette's survivors have hit me up. Survivors? I guess they're still alive.

They didn't kill him. They were saying the girl is definitely exaggerating her tics but again like if she is she is i think you should keep you're playing this uh both sides here yeah i keep digging yeah i keep digging on that you have someone with tourette's call in okay i feel like for any fan, anytime something... Anytime something... Oh, that's awesome. Oh, buddy, gut punch? What the fuck? You look like...

I can't see it. My eyesight's too bad. You look like a video game character when they're just starting to make their character and they have no clothes. That's what you look like. Man, if I was a fan and something bad happened to me... You look like the boneless woman on miniclip.com. Oh, my God, yeah.

Holy shit. I don't know what that means, but it's sounding. I don't know what it means either. You look like if you had a Brazilian butt lift, though, you'd be out to brunch looking hot as fuck, though. That's a fire fit, Kyle. We got to get you a beige fit. Full beige fit and a Brazilian butt lift and a fucking champagne flute.

You'd be fucking killing it. Champagne flute. Be FaceTiming real loud. EBL girls can't drink mimosas sitting down. Hey! I've been saying. Do you know you have to lay in your stomach

on your way home from a BBL? Enough to stay like that for like 24 to 30? On the airplane. Yeah. How? You got to buy a row. You got to stay on your stomach for like a day and a half. How would that work on an airplane?

You could buy a whole row. And you just lay. You can't drive laying down. How would you get in that position on an airplane? The luge home. The skeleton back. That's the only way. Yeah. The luge home. The skeleton back. That's the only way. Yeah, I've seen videos of girls that get them and they buy a whole row on Southwest.

Just lay down. Just lay down for an ass. You can't get a whole row on Southwest. I feel like Southwest is first come, first serve. What if the last person on the plane. Well, you get on there first and you box them out because you got a fat ass. You got eight, one through 50. That's the power of the ass.

They didn't know each other. Remember, ladies, if you're getting a BBL, don't forget about the flight home. Pack something comfy for your knees. No. So I got on my flight today and everyone seated around me just had surgery. Oh, my God. What? That is terrifying.

There's no way they could take off like that. A group surgery? They definitely have to. It looks like they all fight at the same island or some shit. The Dominican Republic. That's amazing. At a BBL. Why wouldn't they stay?

All these islands sound a little sweet. It's cheaper. No, I'm saying why wouldn't they stay after? Yeah. Probably cheaper not to have to stay in the Dominican Republic. There was a story, I don't know maybe eight years ago that I blogged some guy in like a Chicago

like back alley was giving BBLs and it was just like cement and people were dying. I mean who? That was the whole story. Who was receiving? Who was the willing recipient?

A couple people died. I mean it's cheap BBL. Yeah. Not everyone can go to the Dominican, Kyle. What are we supposed to just drive our Teslas there? Just go down the street. $15 gas? You'd like that, wouldn't Dominican, Kyle. What, are we supposed to just drive our Teslas there? Just go down the street.

$15 gas? You'd like that, wouldn't you, Kyle? Yeah. Stop. You're a liberal like Rudy. Yeah. Never been affected by anything in your whole life. There was a dude in Hell's Kitchen who sold me a bootleg portable charger that took away

battery life from my... Was it charging his phone from afar? I swear, my phone went from 15 to 7, and it was at a consistent rate, too. I don't know how that benefited him. Was he siphoning? He was for sure mining Bitcoin using your power. That's what people do.

That is what people do? Yeah. That's what a lot of people do. They do that with bicycles and gyms. Is that what all the stuffed animals in Times Square are? Are they mining? I haven't heard that, but I'm convinced... They're miners.

I'm convinced everyone is mining Bitcoin behind the scenes. I am. Fuck it. Spider is. Is he? What's Bitcoin doing right now, though? Didn't Russia just buy a ton of Bitcoin? There was a big influx into the market.

A lot of oligarchs tried to, but so have a lot of billionaires in general. And then it dipped again though. Steady at what? 35 KB? 35. Oligarch is a cool name. Yeah. All those dudes that just have boats that everyone's trying to

seize. And sink. And sink. Trying to sink the oligarch boat. You see they found that fucking wreck in the Arctic Sea was awesome. Yeah, the Intrepid. Shackleton's boat. No, the Endurance.

Been under the water for 110 years and it was pristine. Like it looked like the, cause it's no, cause obviously ice cold water right it was so sick 115 years they've been looking for this thing and they all survived i thought they all died yeah no they left the boat because it got eaten by the ice yeah that is a cool fucking story look at this look at that's been under the ocean for 115 years and that's what it looks like

nicholas cage is on his way well-named. I've been looking at maps of ancient Antarctica when it was all above land, the supercontinent. It's awesome to look at. I fucking love maps, too, man. Maps are so awesome. I got hella maps in my apartment. You do? I think she's KB or something.

Me, too. Autographer. I have three or four maps. I'm trying to get more. It's hella. Nice. KB's got a national hockey title in his apartment. Yeah.

Copier. How many minutes did you play for the championship team? It's hella nice. KB's got a national hockey title in his apartment. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Copier. How many minutes did you play for the championship team? I played like, let me add it up real quick, like two or three. That works. Yeah. In the playoffs? Maybe four.

In the playoffs? Oh, hell no. Damn. Hell no, dude. That would have been sick. I was getting minutes against Air Force. That's still sick. Yeah. Dude. Flags fly dude. I would have been sick. I was getting minutes against Air Force. That's still sick. Yeah.

Dude. Flags fly forever. Yeah, that's right. You were grinding with them on the practice rink. Yeah, that's right. You made them better. Yeah. Because you were a locker room guy.

Locker room guy. Benign locker room cancer. You think that we'll ever have sports with jetpacks? Like we're all in jetpacks and there's like a sport throwing around a ball or something i think it's polo that usually takes yes first because they started horses and then they just did water jetpack is jetpack jetpack polo would be fucking quidditch quidditch would be cool on jetpacks very isn't it's just jetpack polo with brooms though yeah yeah The answer is yes, Rome.

That'd be incredible. I don't feel like no one's even talking about that. Not even futurists. Not even the true futurists. Futurists aren't even... We still have futurists that really say bad things. Yeah, there's a lot of futurists out there. What?

They're trying to make meat in a lab. Yeah. All of our visions of the future now are like post-apocalyptic and zombies. It's just Bill Gates eating, like, drinking poop. With a mask on. Yeah, he, drinking poop. With a mask on. Yeah, he's just drinking poop with a mask on. He can make Dr. Pepper out of poop. You taste the poop?

Yeah, that's right, only a little bit. Put your mask back on. Make it sick. All right, Bill. Growing up, when people were like, scientists are working on the cure for cancer, I pictured one laboratory where they all were just actively trying to cure cancer.

What is the reality? Of how close we are? Are there scientists whose job is to trying to cure cancer. What is the reality? Of how close we are? Are there scientists whose job is to try to cure cancer? Well, haven't we kind of... What are they doing? Are they using microscopes and stuff? I mean, there's treatment for cancer, so that's got to be a big part.

The people trying to cure it, what are they doing? You just want to know what it looks like. What is their day-to-day life? I think they just go to a lab, they look at some cells, and they're like, all right, well, got to keep working. Yeah, but is every day like a bad day? Yeah, they get it. Every day is an L.

I think they're trying to do different stuff to cure cancer. So it's not just like the serum, but they're trying to do something to look at cells different or slow the growth of something. Stop building 5G towers. Building 5G towers and shit like that. Steven get that one by his house taken down? Yeah, he did. He lost it in the flood.

Oh, that's a good bounce. Huge bounce. Also, turkey's a carcinogen? What? Lunch meat turkey's a carcinogen? Oh, I am. Maybe scientists can work on that. That's true.

Ooze is too. Uh-oh. That'd be really bad. Turkey's the healthy lunch meat. No one's pounding turkey, though. Yeah. Ass pounds turkey. Oh, dude.

I pound turkey. It's the only thing Sass has eaten for the past three weeks. I pound turkey. He's going to have a panic attack right now. Yeah. Well, he's suspended, so. He can't even watch. Nope. You should suspend him from turkey. He's going to have a panic attack right now. Yeah. Well, he's suspended, so. He can't even watch. Nope.

You should suspend him from turkey. Yeah. If I was outlawed from turkey, I would have nothing left to eat. Really? I eat turkey four days a week. What? From where? It's probably people outlawed from turkey farm.

Armenians? But the shit's not healthy. You think it's healthy, but you're actually eating cancer. Fuck it, dude. Cancer by the slice. You like the taste or you not healthy. You think it's healthy, but you're actually eating cancer. Fuck it, dude. Cancer by the slice. You like the taste or you do it because you think it's healthy? I think it's healthier than ham. Yeah. Uh, no. No? No. Ham's much better.

It cures cancer. It's cured ham. It's cured ham. I can make that switch pretty easily. Eddie had a guy on Dog Walk I don't know, like a year ago that was very interesting. It was a guy who worked at a deli and he was like, yeah, there was a distinct shift in the late 90s from ham to turkey. The whole world, basically, he's like, I used to sell ham, pounds of it every day, and then one day, it was just turkey, turkey, turkey, turkey. That was definitely a conscious decision by someone.

So there was a turkey lobby, or big turkey turkey came through and we're like, we're going to fucking switch this shit. Yeah, like turkey did not used to be hot in the streets. Same with avocados. Same with kale. 2012, Subway started really advertising their avocado. And I'm like, what is this food? Yeah.

That looks gross. And now all of my meals include avocados. I hate avocados. I love them. The same thing happened with kale. We kind of pushed down that uprising. Yeah, kale. Wait, what was kale?

Pomegranate. Before 2012, the world global leader in buying kale was Pizza Hut. They used it to garnish their salad bar. Oh, yeah, I remember that. You couldn't eat it at the salad bar. It was around the salad bar. Damn. Huh.

There was like this big push on kale. You either love it or you hate it. Wrong. Yeah, it's wrong. Some people are in diff. Red Bubble could have been behind that. I'm bad in diff. Because they made the kale t-shirts

that was the Yale font. Yeah. Those are everywhere. What's next? What's the next big food? We don't know about. Dandelions. I could see dandelions blowing up.

Oh, yeah. Like a dandelion salad or something like that. sunflowers dandelion ice cream i could see beats having a moment oh i hope i think some places beats are happening by dre and uh the doug funny kind problem is beats make your shit look weird beats are over with yeah beats suck they increase blood flow i think it's going to be like peanut butter, like a fruit jam on burgers. A date? Oh, some type of fig?

It's going to take off. Rome loves figs. I do. I forgot to talk about pineapples and strawberries enough when I was really listing my... I do love figs, though. But I've been eating a lot of strawberries. Oh, our top fives?

Our fave fives? Yeah. How often would that switch on the app? Like, what if your fave five was fluid? Yeah, let's end with fave five. I think it would be like Wordle. It's a daily survey, and then you get your top matches in the world. Give us a question to end with, fave five.

We all can write down. Fave five? Rank. Anyone can. American cities? And the big ones. Do we do colors? I think we...

Not color. That's sus. Deli meats. Let's do deli meats. I can't even name five deli meats. I didn't grow up in a deli meat household. What about just meats? Meats, meats, meats.

Meats. Meats. Ah, that's broad as hell. That's plenty of bringing steak and chicken and fish. And belly. Correct. And pork belly and shit like that. Rowan's going to use three on us.

What are we doing? Deli meats or meats? Okay, beats. Your app. Your app, Kyle. I was going to hire writers. Who would you have hired? Do you have any perspectives in here?

I don't think food palette is indicative of your personality type. Okay, okay. Let's abandon this then. What do you think is a rewatch on TV? Or emotional intelligence? Alcoholic drinks? We can do alcoholic drinks. Okay.

Okay. Any type of drink? And are we just doing like a full cocktail name? Is it specific brands of beer? I would think a little general. Like a type of liquor, a type of cocktail. All right, okay, all right, all right. Not a specific beer.

Not like a spicy margarita. Beer would be one in like IPA. I'll sit this one out. No. I only drink beer and wine. I've never drank. Then put it on the list. I don't drink whiskey.

I don't drink liquor. I don't drink any of that. Bro, just make the list. You did tequila shots when they were in here. Make the fucking list. That was nice. That was nice That was good I think red wine and white wine And rosé and champagne are all different things

Correct I have my list I have my list as well mentally Would you like to go? Miller Lite. No, that's no. That would be light beer. No, I don't care.

Okay. I guess I don't either. Who's? I'll go. We want to go at the same time? I could split mine into not brands. Gibby, you want to go at the same time? I can go with you, Big Cat.

All right, we'll start at five. Five. White wine. Oh, I thought I was going to count down. One, two, three. One, two, three, two, one. Gin and Tom. White wine.

Bloody Mary. Okay. Wait, that's what you guys are doing? Vodka. Tequila soda. Wait, you guys are doing drinks? We're doing drinks? I thought we were not doing drinks.

I thought we were doing just liquor. The rules weren't exactly clear. If you like straight vodka, then you would put that. Nick juice. It should just be whatever you want, whatever you interpreted it as. I don't like this app anymore. No, it sucks to talk

about it. It would be perfect to look at the results. Favorite mixed drinks then? Favorite mixed drinks is a whole different category. This is not how I envision the app to work. You don't get around and discuss it out loud. You fill it out on your own accord. What if you miscompare your results to others? Are you picking from a fucking checklist?

It's data porn. Do you want to hear mine, and then maybe you guys can... Sure. Okay, mine is number one, white Russian. No, this is not white. This is number one, white Russian. No, this is not right. This is what I'm – yes. I did white wine, vodka, whiskey, tequila, beer. It's ALS.

It's ale, stout, lager. I did mezcal, reposado, whiskey, red wine, light beer. Wait, what was that? Third? Mezcal, reposado, whiskey. Ronan and I have the same third. Red wine and beer. That's huge. I have the same third red wine and beer that's huge i have the same number one as you boys beer what a guest beer beer beer and we're american

we're fucking red blooded americans we eat turkey dude it says shandy on your list shirley temples there's a spicy kombucha. I had one. It's just green beers. Anything in a green bottle, I like. Really? You fellas like stouts? No.

I don't know the difference. I'm not trying to shit myself, bro. Yeah, but one? I'm not trying to shit myself, bro. One stout. Give me the splatty poop. Call them Guinness babies. In Ireland. Splatty.

Stouts, dude. All right. Splatty. Stouts, dude. All right. I would have a stout, actually, just to show you guys my Jackson Pollock. Yeah. You know what else is that? It's 40s. You put the cigarette out in it. 40 ounces give that effect.

I love 40s. Splatty. I love 40s. Yeah. We'll be here tomorrow. We'll be here tomorrow. He's got a joke. Frank's got a joke. He said it's going to make the whole world groan. We'll be here tomorrow. He's got a joke. Frank's got a joke.

He said it's going to make the whole world groan. Oh, God. Yeah. Someone just sent me a random number, just sent me a document, 32 pages of math notes. That is real. Holy fuck, that's so weird. And said, hey, Jack, this is what I put for the midterm.

Question 1C is likely wrong. I'm not really sure how to include the down payment. Let me know what you get. Also, this took way longer than three hours. I'll call him. Man, I do not miss those days grinding your dick off for answers.

I wish we had Lomo Sotato right now. I wish we had any food. He's got a nice haircut. Hank! Alright, we'll end the show. See you everyone tomorrow. He's got a nice haircut. Hank! All right, we'll end the show. See you everyone tomorrow. He's calling. Oh, shit. Keep pressing. Don't end it.

I didn't realize he was calling. What's wrong with it though You have reached the voicemail box Alright we'll see you everyone tomorrow Alright see ya It's the act. It's your straws. Yeah, it's time to take it for a while. It's the act. It's the act. It's the act.

Yeah, it's time to talk shop and do a Yankee pop. It's the act. It's the act.