The Yak - Lil Sas Takes Us Through His Favorite Videos On The Internet | The Yak 7-28-21

Episode Date: July 28, 2021

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Hey, Yak listeners. You can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Welcome to the act. Brutal. Brutal start. Gross. One rule on today's show. Welcome to the act. We all agreed.

Today's clips. We're doing a clip show today. No, but we're going. We don't even want to see. But we're going right. We're going hard right. No fucking lib shit doing a clip show today. No, but we're going. We don't even want to see. We're going hard right. No fucking lib shit on this fucking show today. No fucking lib shit.

No apple cider vinegar. Miss Ronan. Big cat out. The boys will play. I'm tired of that shit. Kyle, you are too. Look at Ebony over there. He's been acting hella coy since she crossed me.

Yeah, what did you do to get her back? HR must have sat her down. Did you tell? Did you tattle? Can't be starting rumors. Keep my dick out your mouth. What? My DMs are just filled

with dick bulges. Oh yeah, I got one. A full hard one. A full hard? Yeah. My inbox is 99% bulge. Oh, yeah. I got one, a full hard one. A full hard? Yeah. My inbox is 99% bulge. Really? Mine was a little grainy, though. The picture was a little grainy, so I'm kind of convinced that it might have just been,

they found it on the wall. Took it on a Game Boy camera. Yeah. That's what I sent my first dude on, a Game Boy camera. Yes. Yeah, I got this. Yeah. That was the Game Boy camera, and possibly just more difficult than any setup.

You had to really want a Game Boy camera, didn't you? No. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Really? Let me run this back. You're thinking of the printer. Oh, okay, yeah. My box is filled with prints, like a Meghan Markle.

Yep, yep, that's good. Did that work? Yeah, it worked. Big prints, like a Detroit First Base. Prince Fielder, yeah. First base. Well, he was a, no. Prince was Milwaukee, though.

He wasn't Detroit. He was Detroit for a long time, too. Like a Brewers player. No, he was mostly Milwaukee, though. Yeah, but it works. Cecil was, Cecil, no, no. Prince, did he ever even play for Detroit? Who's to say?

I think so. I think so. Yeah, I think he did. No, he played for Texas and he played for Milwaukee. Did he play for Detroit? Sorry. Prince Fielder? Yeah. Maybe he did No he played for Texas And he played for Milwaukee Did he play for Detroit Sorry Prince Fielder Yeah

Maybe he was the Brewers He was the Brewers For sure I thought he was the Tigers His daddy was a Tiger Okay Like many Unwanted kids

In the Florida area Sass thoughts on Simone Biles His daddy was a Tiger That Simone's a her Her daddy was a Tiger The Simone's a her. Her daddy was a tiger. The Game Boy camera was so dope, right? So dope.

Yeah. I had a Game Boy. You didn't just take pics or videos. No, no, no. It was a cartridge. You had the printer that connected to it. You probably had a Game Boy Advance. No, I had the old box.

The rectangle? Yeah, yeah. You had to put a cartridge in the top, and it was like an orb. Oh, no, yeah. I never had that. Any sphere, really boy was awesome though i got the game boy my neighbor had two he had one his sister had one his sister never played it so he gave it to me and i remember my parents were very like anti-video games then and i came home with it and my parents were so mad i remember they put it high up where i couldn't reach it. So people that say they don't make games like they used to, yeah, they're not as bad.

Games back then, like this dumb fuck to my left, this dumb, moronic idiot. You relish the past, Brandon. You love those old games. Every new game's better. I play a Nintendo Entertainment System today, yes. Don't you say that about music, too? You say you don't listen to anything after 2000? Well, Brandon doesn't call rap or hip-hop music.

2005 is my last year of listening to music, yes. I don't listen to anything after that. What's the newest song you have on your phone? Probably Redneck Woman by Gretchen Wilson. There's been some good ones. High Class Broad. Yeah, she's a High Class Broad. Yeah.

Yeah, I don't listen to new music. I don't play new video games. Well, I do play new video games, but I like to play older video games more. That's dumb. Whatever happened when you were a kid, that's what you liked the most. You liked it as a kid. You don't actually like it. Yeah.

I think I do, actually. It's just filling your brain with the chemicals. Have you ever thought that maybe... It's giving me the feeling I had when I was a kid. Yeah, but you're not like, this is awesome. You need to play GTA or Red Dead Redemption, and you're going to be like, wow, this is a whole new world. I think Mike Tyson's Punch-Out! will be playable in 50 years.

I don't think you actually like these old things. I think you like who you were when they were released. If I fired, and I hate who I was when they were released, if I fired that up right now, Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!, the entire office would come over here and play it. But would you have more fun than you would with a new game? But if we threw on, like, Assassin's Creed, I think we'd have a lot more fun.

I don't think so. Assassin's Creed, they think we'd have a lot more fun. I don't think so. Assassin's Creed, they're overly difficult. No, I don't really care. Assassin's Creed is a very easy game. All right. Well, maybe that's a bad example for me to use. You just climb buildings and jump off of them. And you enjoy that?

Yeah, it's extremely fun. Call me when you're sober was a little peep album, dickhead. Really? Yeah. Oh, wow. I'm the real peep, the peep fan. I haven't listened to a little peep in a while. Do you all listen to, I mean, real peep, the peep fan. I haven't listened to Lil Peep in a while. Do you all listen to, I mean, you're in your late twos now.

Very late. Do you all listen to current music or do you nostalgize at all? I listen to current music. I'm not really like the traditional teen. That's the thing that makes me unique. I listen to everything. That's the thing that makes me different than everybody else. I listen to everything. All types of music makes me different than everybody else i listen to everything all types of music that's the hardest question i get early on set nostalgia

so i'll fucking i'll feel that about a song that came out a month ago damn i miss this scratching it yeah i try to listen to a lot of like pot like happy music so like i don't like listening like depressing me i used to to listen to a lot of happy music. So I don't like listening to depressing music. I used to strictly listen to really depressing music, and I was like, this is just not very fun anymore. Who's that Dave's talking to? He looks very important. Yeah, he looks really important.

I didn't know Dave was here. Printless is a motherfucker. That guy's printed. I don't know. You know that guy's hung. They know we're talking about them now. They know we're talking about their prints. They know we're talking about the print. That's a recognizable guy.

Why don't we recognize him? I'm assuming he's a... Mark. Assuming he's up top. You think that's a Mark? Yeah. Who is it? I don't know. It's Mark and Cecilia.

Bite your tongue, Ebony. Ebony, you're oversharing. That's KB in there. He has no print. Nah, nah, the printless one. Shut the fuck up. That's KB in there He has no print Nah nah The printless one Shut the fuck up So there's good vibes only

And good energy only Yeah yeah There's two different types of Yeah yeah Nick and I played trivia last night At a At a bar We lost on a tiebreaker

We were winning the whole time Yeah Well if it was tied You. We were winning the whole time. Well, if it was tied, you obviously weren't winning the whole time. There was a question where the answer was Cher, you know, the woman. And Kyle said, no, no, no, no, no. And so I deleted it. And time ran out so we didn't get to put in his guess, which he did not have. You are the one who deleted it. You doubted yourself.

You talked me out of it so fucking much. How do you delete it? It's on your phone. You type in the answer on your phone. Question. Who like who which actress share with an Oscar and Emmy and Grammy like got her start in 1963.

That's obviously Cher. And I was like Cher is not that old. Yes she is. I didn't know that. In my mind I get her her confused with Madonna's daughter. You need to watch Moonstruck, motherfucker. Laura Loomer. Classic flick.

Oh, 75. Yeah, she looks every bit of it. She does. Oh, yeah. She looks terrible. She looks like Michael Jackson's corpse. Yeah. Here's a better picture of her.

Brandon. Hi. I have a question for you. Yes, sir. A better picture of her. Brandon. Hi. I have a question for you. Yes, sir. I'm a 29 now getting up there. Yeah. I've noticed probably at 27. I shake and I shake and I shake after I'm done.

And as soon as I put my dick away, I fill up my pants with piss. Right. Is that just something I have to get used to? Yeah. No, my. It's not even dribble. It's it just Ibble. I piss. I agree.

It started at age 27 for me. Once you release the pressure of your hand, it just opens back up. I think mine's like when I bend or when I move and just more comes out. I'm wiping urine off of my bathroom floor daily. Every single day, I have piss on my hand. It just dribbles out. What pressure are you applying with your hand? Are you squeezing?

No, I'm just squeezing through the zipper there because I don't pull all the way down. It just dribbles out. What pressure are you applying with your hand? Are you squeezing? I was trying to do it by that as well. Squeezing through the zipper there because I don't pull all the way down. I go above the waistband balls too. I think I peed through my zipper like three times total. I peed through my zipper. I did it once and I zipped my cock. I was like 11. You're one for one zipping your cock?

Yeah. Wow. I never zip my... I zip the head Yeah. Wow. I never zipped my... I zipped the head of my cock. I guess that's the only thing. That's still your... Yeah, that's your cock. That's still your penis.

We didn't think he zipped his shaft. Well, it's something about Mary. The base of the shaft. The 11-year-old... Something about Mary, they did the nut. They zipped up the nut. Yeah, that was a visual.

That's impossible. It is impossible. You think? You don't... The zipper would break. Well, yeah, I guess also how... Yeah. That movie's a lot. That's impossible. It is impossible. You think? You don't. How often do you? The zipper would break. Well, yeah, I guess also how, yeah. That movie's a lot.

That would also be like a- I watched that for the first time over quarantine. It's a lot. Is that the cum in the hair movie? Yeah. Yeah, it's a lot. You're peeing goopy cum. Cameron Diaz never did it to me.

What? Never? Never. Never. Mm-mm. Hold on. He's got a wide face. Eddie.

What is this? You still haven't done a fucking podcast? You still haven't done a fucking podcast? You still haven't done a fucking podcast? Whoa. I don't know. I don't know what's going on there. What's going on there? I think Brandon's just trying to put on a show for the wealthy people at the desk.

Look at that bag. It's a Louis. Who are those people? I don't know, but they exude wealth. Dude, it doesn't matter. I think they're Penn. It doesn't Louie Who are those people? I don't know But they exude wealth It doesn't matter I think they're Penn You think they're Penn? I feel like I recognize

That one dude Yeah No that's not Snowden You're thinking of Snowden That's not him That's not who I thought it was We all emailed Some links

To some videos That Tickle are fancy Yeah mine are very good And I'm very proud of them I Mine are actually All my videos Oh Yeah, mine are very good, and I'm very proud of them. Mine are actually all my videos. Oh, yeah? Mine are also your videos.

Oh, shit. Mine are bloopers from the Amazon video. Oh, fuck, yeah. Behind the scenes. The BTS. No, mine are actually funny as fuck. I was cracking up watching them before. Zah, if you want to pull up a random one, we'll guess who submitted it.

Yeah, that's a fun game. This guy's pumped. Why does Ben... What is that? What's happening here? He's getting girl hugs? Mincy's going in for hugs? Maybe a handshake would have been fine.

Are the people that important where we can't cut the camera to them? Yeah, we need to get the camera. Mincy went in for hugs. How does Mincy know these people? He doesn't. I'm sure you saw the video of the home run. This guy's...

Yeah. He keeps his... Mincy keeps his chin very high during conversation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a power play. It is a power play. Whoa, whoa. Is that a mini Snoop Dogg?

Okay. Oh, this is just... Is this you, Sass? Yeah, this is Sass. Yeah, is that sad? Yeah, you're proud of that? Yeah, that wasn't one of my top dogs. That's a real person.

Look at his cat face. He has my twin baby dog. That is his face. He's edited on. He's edited on a midited on a midget. Nah. Okay. That's Dr. Disrespect.

No. What did it say? It's really funny. Dr. Fakenstein. Yeah, that's real. Dr. Fake. Yes. You thought that was a what?

That guy's identical to Snoop Dogg, just a bit smaller. It's so funny. Dr. Fakenstein flies onto the screen. You thought it was a what? That guy's identical to Snoop Dogg, just a bit smaller. It's so funny. Dr. Fakenstein flies onto the screen. You thought it was real. I literally selected these within 30 seconds before the act. Yeah, that's sass. What else do we have? He's talking to TJ.

How is that going? That's sass again. Oh, this is Owen. Did you hear that sass again? Oh, can we not do audio? Not copyrighted. You can sing it, though. If you know what the audio is. I want to roll with the geezer. Thank you.

These are good sass. Well, that one would have been better if we had the audio. I don't even know if we're going to be able to do any of mine. I know we were doing no audio. Well, the copyright. You have to sing the audio if it's the copyright. You have to sing the audio. You have to sing the audio. It's the rule of the show.

Fuck. I hope all of mine aren't. This is working out really well. This is fantastic. I got to show you a magic mirror. You die laughing. That would be almost funny if you watched the whole thing. One fun house mirror and sass is just on the ground.

I don't look like that. Oh. What? Okay. All right. All right, I'm in. That got me. Yeah, that worked.

Mucho cringe. Homie on the donut oh man oh wow what is this what do you what i kind of want to look at it again i like maggie i like the baby oh oh yeah oh my god that's fucked up wait does that person just have a small is that just a small person oh that. Krusty does not want to be there. Wait. Are you liking all these with Pick Central? No, it's mine. Okay.

We don't have Instagram. Actually, I should probably do that. Why don't we have... Pick Central doesn't have an Instagram? We don't have Instagram. Brandon, make an Instagram. I don't make anything. I don't make my own Instagram.

Katie made it. Wow, three misses. We're all going anything. I don't make my own Instagram. Katie made it. Wow, three misses. Yeah, we are. This is sass, too. It's got to be sass. You can turn up the audio for this one. I don't think there's music. Good acting.

Good acting. Good acting. What the fuck? I kind of want to see that one again, too. It's ridiculously stupid. The last pump of the year can be intense. I love gym humor. I know. It's so bad.

I don't even remember what I submitted. It's so bad. I don't even remember what I submitted. It better be way better than those. It will be. You guys are just stiff. Warm up the crowd. You were with Tim Dillon this morning. I was with Tim Dillon this morning. Okay, well yeah. Let's talk about that. I already got all my laughs out of the way today.

Used all my good jokes. You met at his hotel in the morning. No. Hug or a handshake? Handshake. Hello or goodbye? What do you mean? Both. Was it both? I guess, yeah. How did you greet him? Well, I didn't say goodbye.

Why? You didn't say goodbye? When I greeted him? No, no. Jesus Christ. We're asking you. I said hello. I was like, hey, what's up Christ. We're asking you. I said hello. I was like, hey, what's up? Hug or handshake? I said handshake. You didn't hug him?

No, we did not hug. Every day you remind me you only went to one semester of college. Every single day. You guys could not have phrased that in a more confusing way. Hug or handshake? It couldn't have been more clear. Hug or handshake? Handshake?

Goodbye or hello? Those are two separate things. So Tim Dillon initiated this. He invited you to meet him for breakfast? Yes, we met for breakfast. When he initiated it, did he describe what it would be about? Yeah. Like what?

Like a business meeting? Yeah, it was a business meeting. Okay. So you meet him where? We went to Regency. Or not Regency. Regency Bar and Grill. One semester.

Jesus Christ. I corrected myself. I pronounce things in my head the wrong way all the time. And then I remember what they are actually pronounced as. But yeah, I went to Regency Bar and Grill. It was nice. It was really fancy. Yeah. Yeah.

Did he pay? Yeah, it was not expensive though. Did you offer? Yeah, I started not expensive, though. Did you offer? Yeah, I started pulling out my card, and he was like, what the fuck are you doing? And he has you up on his Instagram story. Did you see that? Yeah, I did. Did you see what he said?

I did say what he said. Can we pull up Tim Dillon's Instagram story? Tim J. Dillon on Instagram. Yeah, he's a funny guy. He's exactly what he's like on his podcast. Like, he just talks the entire time. He's incredibly on his podcast. Like, he just talks the entire time. He's incredibly good at talking. He's just ranting the entire time.

About anything? Everything? Anything stick out? Everything. Did anyone that would walk in? No, but he did know... I'm trying to think of who he knew. He knew Wanton Don.

And then, like, I think... The guys he... Next one. And I asked. I asked if he knew you guys I said you guys are the funniest people

at the company yeah he knew that one more one more yeah you'll know when it you'll know where it is oh fuck

oh man yeah so what's next so somebody took that because you said you guys were sitting on the same side Oh, man. Yeah. So what's next? So somebody took that because you said you guys were sitting on the same side of the booth. But yeah, it was interesting. He's a funny dude. Zaf, you can pull up the first link I sent you.

It is the most sass video I've ever seen It is everything sass likes Can you see my screen? No I just turn it a little bit That's mine That's mine That's mine but it's not the first one Did you email him the links?

Yes, Brandon How did he get that one? Well, it doesn't seem like it. He seems confused. All I'm asking is for critical thinking for one fucking second. How tall is he? He's pretty tall. We talked about Gru in a lot of our stories.

Really? Yeah. Yeah, that's it. Sass doesn't look. And we also talked about... I'll tell you after. Oh, man. Brandon, did that get you?

Brandon, loosen up. Enjoy the edit. It was good. It was good. Good edit. Because I didn't understand the assignment. Why? What did you send in? Because he sent in a Thursday was good. Good edit. I guess I didn't understand the assignment. Why? What did you send in?

Because he sent in a Thursday thoughts video. You sent in a Tommy Thursday thoughts? I sent in the best videos on the internet. I sent in a Tommy Thursday thoughts. But I just want on the record that personally, not interested in going to space with you guys. First of all, rockets scare me. I don't trust rockets. Rocket science is notoriously the hardest thing ever. the wi-fi is probably spotty at best views are good but i mean if it's a cloudy day then you know i'm just fucking screwed so you know if my options were like going to space or

half off appetizers at applebee's i'd be chowing down on some boneless buffalo chicken wings yeah yeah significantly more. More than all of us combined, probably, actually. Yeah, that's the funny thing about it. You said, Nick, before the show, you can look at somebody one time and be able to tell the year they first had sex. Yes, I can tell the year you lost your virginity. I'd like to see that in practice.

Owen's 15, 16. I think 15, probably in December. Look at Kyle. Didn't Brandon not masturbate until he was like 19? 11. Sass, you are Go early, brother. Whatever you think, take off

five years. I said TJ was 20, 24. We're working on it. Let's see here. Big T. Ooh. Big T fucks. I know.

When was he born? 99? Big T could be. You could tell me Big T is any age. I would say he's 2003. You could tell me if Big T was 17 or like 34 and both of those would sound fine to me. Big T fucked in Omaha, or at least he claims he fucked in Omaha. Wait, what?

He's going to be so mad at you for bringing this up. Dude. Well, I mean, you said it. So now I think clarifying would help him. Clarifying what? Go get Big T. I just said it. Go get Dep.

Don't. I'm not ready for him. I don't think I don't. Wasted. We're that much further. We're not going to get the. We're not going to get the cheek claps. Yeah, we are.

We are. After that. Not after Brandon's exposing his personal. What? No, I thought he would be proud. Knowing he has sex humanizes him. Yeah. Every human.

It's nature for them to clap their fucking ass every once in a while. Do you think he was clapping ass on that pussy? Yeah, yeah, I do. The more I think about it, the more I close my eyes and visualize it. Dude, she was a time. She was clapping my ass. She had a septum piercing.

That pussy was so good it had my cheeks smacked. She was on top, too. I don't even know how it was happening. I like to imagine that Big T was, like, reverse cowgirling her. Yeah. Bending his dick down. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Just clapping his cheeks. You guys are right about that. Oh, yeah. I shouldn't have brought that up. Don't let him. We're all going to be sitting down in HR after this. She had him pressed up against a wall.

Big T's submissive. She works upstairs. Shut the fuck up. Way too fucking far. Way too far. Suspended. You're suspended with no pay. With Big Cat's pay. Suspended with Big Cat's pay. If that was an pay, yeah. Suspended with Big Cat's pay.

If that was an option, I'd be talking about flash floods every single day. Which we have. I can't believe they both got fired. Yeah, that sucks. I'm suspended, I guess. Right before his wedding, too. I know. What bad timing.

That's got to put a damper on things. Kyle, have you submitted any videos? No. You said Instagram only, and I just don't know how to search Instagram for videos. Okay. You have any YouTube videos? Are we allowed to do YouTube videos? Yeah, there's no music. I mean, we're on YouTube. I feel like we would be able to. I don't think that that's how that works. Does that matter? Well, you ever copyright? No. So I emailed you a few. What do we have on the prep sheet here?

How about the fucking... Trista Crick. Trista Crick. Did you see the Google data? Pretty damning. You can track specific Google searches in specific locations of the world. So they were able to tell these very, very

specific Google searches from Manhattan on Sunday night or Monday night. Yeah. That's scary. Can you search if anybody searched how to say no to somebody coming on to you sexually without ruining your comedy career. Right above the Regency Hotel.

That's actually scary. Celebrities with underwhelming dick prints don't surf. He said when he posted this story, he's like, people are definitely going to make jokes about fucking or something. Yeah. No need to beat around the bush.

Actually, I checked the Reddit, because I knew someone was going to post something about it, and then all the comments are like, Sass knows he's trying to fuck him, right? This is grooming 101. I just got to say that Stephen Che was... Did he really phone this one in? No, he was on one in the other section.

Why do batteries still exist? Why do batteries still exist? Why do batteries still exist? I can just think of many basic reasons for that. Are you in favor or against one-way streets? In favor, I guess. Never really thought about it. I'm just going to go with it. Jay was lacking today.

What is the best porch accessory for your home? The NBA one is from yesterday. No, those are the low-ass ones. I don't like the low-ass chairs. They're too hard to get out of. They're comfortable to sit in. A porch swing is the best porch accessory. No.

Yes, easily. Gross. Holy shit, this T.J. Ward quote is insane. T.J. Ward blamed Washington head coach and cancer survivor Ron Rivera for being disappointed that all his players didn't get the vaccine. His quote was, don't blame the players for your lifelong health decisions. That's such a shitty quote. Jesus.

That's almost a professional wrestling heel quote. Did you see Elton John release like a whole statement on the DaBaby thing? Yeah. Really? Yeah. So did T. Yeah. Really? Yeah. So did T.I. What? Didn't T.I. do something bad

recently? He's always got a lot to say. He always does. T.I. said if Lil Nas X can be openly homosexual, DaBaby should be able to be openly homophobic. That's crazy.

That's okay. Like if a comedian said that, it would be funny. Weave. The baby show. I love how all celebrities, when they tweet, it's like, it's like clear, like, they're like a team of people. Yeah.

There's no way he had anything to do with this, either. It was definitely someone was like, hey, Elton, I think this might be a good idea to get behind. Elton, you're gay. Oh. You mind saying something about da baby da who I was laughing you see like Big Cat throwing out all the magazines

yeah it was very fucking funny but on the top they all had like this little excerpt of just this like tiktoker who survived cancer yeah he's disgusted he was just getting everybody to send him videos of them throwing it out. That's so funny. Like Wendy Williams.

Yeah. He was murdered on Sunday. Do you know him? Yeah, where is the top left? Yeah. Netflix star, not TikTok. Yeah. Get that fucking shit out of here.

Oh, man. People magazine. Do you think Big Cat could actually go a full week without going on Twitter or anything? He's long. No. Yeah. He's like the Rex Chapman of people I like. Yeah.

He's a good he's like a good tweeter but like he is like i used to think i was on twitter a lot he's always online you're all he's more twitter based you're more across the internet uh you're a youtube guy you're a tiktok guy no yeah no yeah i'm twitter bro but uh yeah he's he's got how many tweets does he have like 180 000 or something like that? I think we checked recently. How many do you have? I think I only have like 20,000.

Across all your accounts, Sass. 208,000. I only have like 40,000 total. Okay. Brandon, how many do you have? I'm checking right now. I don't know. 40,000?

Let's bet. Okay, yeah. Also, let's bet. Let's do something Friday. Nick has like 4,000. All right, I have Brandon's. I have less than that. Oh, wow. You guys want's do something Friday. Nick has like 4,000. All right, I have Brandon's. I have less than that. Oh, wow.

You guys want to guess? Brandon's is... Brandon was like a high school sports reporter, and he would like binge tweet just high school sports. Correct. Because I try to do a deep dive. Yes. I'm going to go with Brandon probably has 37,000. I want to say Brandon has 62K.

Kyle? 29. I think it's in the 40s.3 okay no guess mine there's zuber park 1700 okay kb me oh i'm gonna go 1080 no i remember your thousand tweet last year so you're you haven't tweeted much i'm gonna say to say like 1,015. Retweet some responses count. Oh, fuck. I'm going to say 1,090. Ooh. What? Close. Are they pulling it up or am I telling?

It's okay. Oh, jeez. Yeah. It's my head. Who the fuck is that boy? That's that pie-eating boy. That's Little Jack Horner. Is he a fable? Yeah. That's Jack Horner. That's little Jack Horner. Is he a fable?

Yeah. That's Jack Horner. Sitting in the corner. And what did he do? He ate his Christmas pie. What was his mistake? Stuck in his thumb. What was the lesson?

Pulled out a plum and said, what a good boy am I? Oh, so he wasn't like an example. No. Well, no. He was just a good boy, and he stuck his thumb and pulled out a plum. It's my favorite. The whole plum? Yeah, it's my favorite tale. He choked on the pit. It's my favorite. The whole plum? Yeah, it's my favorite tale.

It choked on the pit. How would you pick out a... I mean, there was a whole plum in the pie. You should pick out a plum if only you put in your thumb. You would need an opposing... It only happens to good boys, too. So I just... I love that poem.

My mom used to read it to me and I would laugh. I wanted to be Jack Horner when I grew up. What did you find funny about it? What, what? Okay, so he has a pie. He's eating an entire pie. He's like, okay, I've been well behaved. I'll stick in my thumb.

And lo and behold, what does he pull out? It goes directly into a plum. And it gets stuck on said thumb. And then he responds, like, he thinks that's something that happens to good boys. It's the best. It's really funny. That's that. That is funny.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for sharing. I liked when we were searching. There's no plum-flavored juices, no plum ice cream. No plum just kind of exists in the world. No plum smoothies. It goes in Christmas. Which is weird because plum is very good.

You think plum is good? No. Oh, I love plums. How often do you have plums? When was the last time you had a plum? My grandma used to have plums at her house all the time. You don't love plums. When was the last time you had one? I don't eat enough fruit in New York. When was the last time you had one uh not i mean i don't eat enough fruit in new york but when was the last time we had a plum it's tough to get fruit in new york

well we don't really keep the house stocked well with food um probably like a year ago honestly but i mean like in the last year are the only fruits that i've probably had are i haven't had like an apple in a year the only fruits that i've had had are, I haven't had like an apple in a year. The only fruits that I've had are like berries. I only, like if I go and get fruit, I get blueberries or raspberries. Or a banana. Plums. We're going to get this kid a fucking plum.

Plums are good though. They're too juicy though, which is a problem. Oh, they are quite juicy. Too juicy? You can only eat a plum if you're like standing over the sink. They're quite juicy. Yeah. You can't just like relax like chewing a plum. That first bite really you're standing over the sink. They're quite juicy. You can't just relax chewing a plum. That first bite really reveals what's inside the plum.

This plum is too fucking juicy. They're very juicy. Maybe the juiciest fruit. More than watermelon? Watermelon or plums, yeah. You could sit and eat a watermelon. Yeah, because it's so big. You could sit, yeah, but you could have a slice of watermelon. You can't sit and eat a plum. I think it's so big. You could sit, yeah, but you could like have a slice of watermelon.

You can't sit and eat a plum. I think he's going to be dripping all over you. I'm definitely right. I'll bring plums in tomorrow. Watermelon's a plum day. I don't think I've ever had a plum. There's a strategic way

to eat a plum. You got to take a bite and then you got to suck into it. It's also, yeah, yeah, correct. It's a double bite. He's right. Everything he's saying is right. You have to, so you, your lips have to envelop the bite and suck out the juice. He's right. Yeah, or. It's a double bite. He's right. Everything he's saying is right. Your lips have to envelop the bite and suck out the juice.

He's right. Or else it's going to be spilling. Plums are hella unmentioned. I thought he was wrong. He's absolutely right. This is a Miles Pooch. They look good. Do you think there's any Plum-centric podcasts?

No. Plum Fairs? There's definitely Plum Fairs. There's definitely Plum fair Plum carnival Somewhere Every I mean there's a Black Eyed Pea festival

From where I come from There's every Every fruit or vegetable Has a festival Yeah I've been to a couple Strawberries There's a persimmon festival

In Mississippi as well Really Yeah Sweet potato festival I've been to a Strawberry festival Yeah They had

Strawberry shortcake There It was very good Really Yeah Yeah I'll be Yeah There's Apples There Yeah, there's apples.

There's a lot of apples. Actually, let's do a plum festival. We'll do a yak live there. The yak plum festival. That would be awesome. Where would be the... I think Pat McAfee's done that. A plum festival? Where's a plum rich area of the country? He is from plum.

He's a plum boy. God damn, he is from plum. Can we watch my third video? Oh, we get to watch videos. He's a Plum boy. God damn, he is from Plum. Zod, can we watch my third video? Oh, we get to watch videos. Frank the Tank's in Pittsburgh. Sure is. Well, I think he's probably in Chicago by now. Yeah, he was in Pittsburgh last night.

Went to PNC and sat at the only part of the stadium where it wasn't a view. Oh, shit! That is an insane... That's what it's like after I shake. That was good. So, Brandon, you're telling me I just have to accept pissing in my pants? 100%, yeah. Maybe you should try peeing sitting down.

Live the untucked lifestyle. That was my buddy on a military base. That was? That was my buddy on a military base. That was? That was your friend? Every single college wrestler, as soon as the season ends, they're out doing that. Pissing like that? Yeah. Snapchat only fucking furthered it times 100.

Pissing on camera or just pissing with a... Pissing on things. Was a wrestler thing? It was. They would go to frat parties and go to the bathroom just pissing their shampoo. What have you pissed on? Name ten things you've pissed on. I didn't do it.

Ten things I've pissed on? I don't think I've ever pissed on anything. One of my buddies pissed on a campus security golf cart. Classic. He was really drunk. He just peed all over it. Did he get caught? They came to his door.

Where were they whipping a golf cart in downtown Chicago? This wasn't in my school. I don't know why it would be. What school? I don't want to give, I don't want to get him arrested. What school?

You think we could get this guy arrested over this? He goes to school in Tampa. So he goes to Tampa University. USF. No, he goes to Tampa. Pissing on a car is the least criminal thing in Tampa. No, but he pissed on it.

It's like a golf cart, so it's piss all over the seats and stuff. It was a golf cart. Ever since I moved to New York City, my pissing outside has gone down 99%. You can't piss outside. You can't piss outside. Which is ironic because it's the most pissable city. It's probably the most pissable city. Probably the most pissed on city as well.

Exactly. Like you could probably turn, 90% of the streets are probably covered in piss. 100% piss. Yeah. Yeah, but you don't get satisfaction like peeing on a pavement that's already covered in piss. You don't. And there's like no alleyways that I'm comfortable pissing in. Like even in Columbus, I would piss.

Not enough bushes. You need bushes. Not enough bushes. Least pissable city. But the most pissing in. Like, even in Columbus, I would piss. Not enough bushes. You need bushes. Not enough bushes. Least pissable city. But the most pissable city. What's the most pissable major city? Or the best pissing city?

Des Moines. Major. I think Denver's pretty pissable. I'd imagine Denver's pretty mighty pissable. When I went to San Francisco, it was just filled with

feces and mixturation. Yes. Isn't it? Yeah, the tenderloin area of San Francisco is all pissable. San Francisco is just filled with feces and mixturation. Yes. Isn't it? Yeah, the tenderloin area of San Francisco is all pissy. I feel like the more pissed on a city is, the less I want to piss in it. We're not talking about San Francisco. No lib shit on today's show. It's true. Fuck that. I guess Denver's out too. Yeah.

Goddamn. Well, these days. Damn. When I was in Denverver recently it was extra like if you thought like new york was dead during the pandemic there was we were legitimately like the only people in the city there was no one on the street detroit was like that it was crazy i'd never seen that dead well this is the highest place the the most expensive place, the safest. Well, how is that the safest place to pee? Nobody will grab your dick.

Bulletproof. Oh. What does that say? $100,000? Oh, cost to build. I thought that was like the cost to pee there. Why would the most Victorian place to pee? Wait, these are all in Asia.

Asia? Or, no. Asia's piss? Wait, these are all in Asia. Asia? Asians piss. Oh, here we go. Wisconsin. Boston Bay. High Camp? I don't know what that is. It says it right there.

It doesn't look like it's in Boston, though. Most innovative place to pee? Oh, very nice. Whoa. The most innovative place to pee is a toilet? Oh, this is all an ad for that department store. It all is. Most spacious? Well, that can't be the most... Space would pee is a toilet. Oh, this is all an ad for that department store. It all is. Most spacious.

Well, that can't be the most spacious. Space would be the most spacious. The most lonesome. Mount McKinley. This is so dumb. Fuck this infographic. Do you at least like the way it's put together? No.

It was a pleasing infographic. It wasn't. Peeing off the side of a mountain is very nice. Very satisfying. I'd be nervous. No. Peeing at any elevation is satisfying. Yeah. Off a. I'd be nervous. Peeing at any elevation is satisfying. Yeah.

Off a porch, off on anything. It's a fun way to pee. Well, it's not like you're peeing off the side of a cliff. It's not like you're going to fall to your death.

Well, I thought you could. You could pee off the side of a cliff if you'd like. Yeah, I know, but I was talking about when you're hiking and you go pee,

you got a nice view. You know that pee's not hurting anything. If anything, it's good for the nature. Give the bugs something to eat. Bugs love eating piss. I have a peeing bush outside in New Jersey. Is it living? I go in my backyard.

No, I go behind my shed. Behind my shed. Between the shed and the fence and I pee a little bit. My dog pees back there, so I should be able to pee back there. That's why I miss Mississippi. You can just piss outside whenever you want. Go outside and piss. Yep.

No neighbors within a half mile, just piss. Chris Melberger used to have a funny vibe where he's like, it's like all of his friends hanging out, and they're like, yo, we're going to go piss outside. And he's like, I just peed inside. And like, that sucks, man. We're going to go piss outside. That would suck Yeah

Pee is funny as fuck Yeah it is You want some more videos Yeah No You just need a movie to watch Put on a film That would never work on the air

No it wouldn't People just want to movie to watch. Yeah, let's just put on a film. That would never work on the air. No, it wouldn't. No. People just want to listen to people watching movies. Not that this is a visual show now. Me and Owen went to the stand last night, and we saw Shane Gillis. Oh, yeah? Yeah. That sounds funny.

How'd he do? He was really fucking funny. Yeah. Very good. Did you guys go really early? Because when you left the office at like 6, you said you were going to the comedy club. We walked there. It started at 7.30.

I always thought of New York comedy as like 1 a.m. comedy, 2 a.m. comedy. There's late shows, but that was like the first show of the day. I liked when somebody made a joke that they took away Lola Bunny's big tits in the new Space Jam. And some guy just stood up and was going nuts. Just booing. Oh, the whole crowd started booing. Yeah. Together.

It was crazy. Yeah. He was furious. Were you mad about that? Oh, definitely. I won't see the new one. You're boycotting it? LeBron James, no lib shit.

No lib shit. Lola Bonnie, too. Mm-hmm. Just her existence, yes. What they've done to Lola is disgraceful. Yeah, but her... Is she going to be a they-them next? There was...

No, she's a her. I don't know about outrage, but in 1996 when that movie came out, people did not like that they added a girl bunny because she was added solely for the movie. Jesus Christ. They didn't like that. Damn it. But they gave us big titties, so that helped.

Titties always help with the transition. If you're going to give me a woman, just make sure there's titties. Yeah, it doesn't matter if she's a rabbit or a hare. Who's your number one fuckable cartoon, Brandon? Jessica Rabbit. That doesn't really... Well, you asked the question. Fuckable cartoon.

I mean, that's more of a White Sox Dave question. Yeah, it is. Kyle, fuckable cartoon? I know KB's type. It's probably like the female Flonase mucus from the commercial. I've seen you bring home some mucus. Yeah, well, there's one girl.

She had a septum piercing, but she looked like she was cosplaying as livestock. Which girls need to do more. They need to, aside from the nose ring, they need to resemble domestic cattle more. Yeah, you've always said that.

Want to suck on their cloven hooves while they squeal like a Berkshire pig. Snarl like an Aberdeen Angus. Chew up grass. Yeah, chew cud as you're beating her brakes off from behind. How did the septum piercing trend start? Because that's what it looks like. You're just resembling cattle. That's the one in the middle, right?

Labre piercings, like the cyber bites. They always look like blackheads. Yeah. I think that fizzled out. Snake bites, shark bites. Oh, does she do it for you? Is this it then? Does she have a tattoo?

I think she might. And they're just accepting that. I thought that was a band-aid. Wait, do male cows have the udders on this show too? Well, they shouldn't. Well, they're there. Male cows, bulls. That's ridiculous.

Yeah, there's... Oh, boy. Oh, boy, oh, boy. Lipshit. Yeah, it is oh, boy. Lipshit. Yeah, it is. That guy was fucking jacked. Which one? The one in the bottom right of the screen.

Oh, he is. Wait, you think he... There's no definition. He's strictly business. He's just crossing his arms. Yeah. Imagine if you drove by... Imagine walking by

Or like driving by Like a farm And you just see a cow Standing like that Just post it up Oh man Videos? Yeah

Were there more? I could play my first one High energy. The music. Oh, this is just cool. Have you seen this? What's he doing? They make like a runway.

There's just people on the street in New York. So he just takes pictures of people. Yeah. Are people just actually dressing like this right now? All these people, this is lip shit. Wait, Owen, can we play that one you sent us last night? That was good. That was really good.

That was really funny. Did you make that? Yeah. I sent, yeah, you could play the fourth one. Is that it? The fourth one? That was the fourth third and fourth one that was hilarious i was not expecting that at first i was like why the hell did you send this in but then oh yeah this one Oh, man. Owen Lowkey, savage on the talk. Yeah.

That took me so long to make. I don't know how to use it. I don't have a clue how to use it. I texted you, Seth, so I was like, yo. And then you didn't answer, and you answered like four hours later, and I was still trying to remember. Do you have a TikTok account yet? No.

No. When it first started here, made me and marty get one together and he kept it and i just faded off i didn't do it for sure i needed i needed one but i don't have one that's the son of a boy dad plan as well yeah i feel like the tiktok is that takes like hype is dying down a bit i don't know a starting point for tiktok as a 42 year old man i don't know a starting point for TikTok as a 42-year-old man. I don't know how you start. You don't. It's so easy to just not. I don't really think it's that necessary. Your demo

is like barbecuing. Making hibachi for their family. You would probably thrive on Reddit. I know we're a social media company. I got hired and I don't use anything. I got hired and I don't use anything. Yeah. I got hired with 600 tweets.

Yeah. So if everybody wants to work at Barstool, don't do anything. Right. We're like doing that thing now. We're like hiring someone on TikTok. Yeah. Oh, we could go through those. What do you mean we're doing that thing where we're hiring someone on TikTok? There's a hashtag.

There's like a Barstool idol, but a TikTok one. Really? Yeah. I was watching them. Oh, we could go through those. What do you mean we're doing that thing where we're hiring someone on TikTok? There's a hashtag. There's like a competition. There's like a Barstool Idol, but a TikTok one. Really? Yeah, I was watching them. Oh, my God. Yeah, let's look at those. We do need to break these down. My goodness.

Brandon, do you have hiring ability? Why would you think I have hiring ability? I don't know. You're verified on Twitter. I got Brandon over there. I got her. She got her in the building. But no, I don't have hiring ability.

It's hashtag Barstool search. I've been denied verification three times by Twitter now. Did you get denied? Yeah. So I assume I got denied too? I didn't put your name in yet. You have to have a real name, I believe. I think you do.

Yeah, it said I wasn't notable enough. Wait, isn't clickbait Smith's verified? Yeah. Oh. I'm watching a nine-month pregnant girl squat. No. No. I want to see the Barstow Idol hashtag.

Is that what this is? Oh, yeah. She'll pull that out. Which one is a flyer? She'll get hired. She tells me. It's either her or the bargain. Oh, that was...

I don't like this at all. We're launching our newest tiktok talent search competition called barstool double tap all you have to do to enter is post an original tiktok and that's it's in zooms full they tell her that she's uncool hashtag barstool search in your caption and get absolutely everyone you know to double tap that video and tag barstool sports in the comments that You forgot to tweet this from your main. That's it. The higher the engagement, the higher the engagement. Who made this edit?

I don't know what you're still doing here. You only have until Monday, August 9th. Go. BDT. Big Dick Terrane. That's what it takes to work here. That's it. You got to be quick like that.

Can we look at submissions? Yeah, the auditions. Can we look at submissions? Yeah Auditions Can we like search the hashtag? Zaz just watching something right now I think Zaz just Yeah Let's pick the winner right now Oh hell yeah

Valdi Pops What do you got winning this game? I just fucking Shrew my bookie a grand For the socks To cover the spread They've been fucking me all week

Yeah but dad They're playing the fucking Spank me These fucking New York Fucks suck Yeah it's whatever Sully over on Bunker Hill She owes me a couple hundred the fucking spank me's. These fucking New York fucks suck. Yeah, it's whatever. Sully over on Bunker Hill, she owes me a couple hundred because I covered his debt to Tony Rigatoni.

Who the fuck's that? I got no fucking clue. Hey, Abercrombie, what the fuck do you want? Hey, what's up, beauties? I'm just here picking up Ashley. Fuck me sideways and call me Willie. You ain't going anywhere with my daughter. What's up with the fucking hockey stick, kid?

You want a beating? Yeah, I was just ripping some twine at the barn with Mitzi, and then I absolutely rinsed them in shell, and then we got after it ripped some strocky. But yeah, me and Ashley are ripping hockey house tonight. So you're a hockey player, huh? You used to play a little hockey back in the day, kid. I'd fucking bury you.

How long is this? I thought it took us like 30 seconds long. Kyle Fox. Tony Gortz. What's his name? Tony Gortz. That had 92,000 likes. Yeah.

How many followers does this kid have? Wait, wait, wait. Can we guess? Can we guess? Oh, Jesus. No, this kid's huge. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Is it still going on? Hey, can you do the sound if this guy gets hired, what will sound like? Thank you. He'll be answering the internet by Labor Day. Are you still on the hashtag? Can you do the one from jmcdonald2k21? I like him already. We don't have enough J-Max.

Yeah, that's true. Let's hire one person today at least. Just like a three-year contract. Let's get Dave in here. Uh-oh, I think we're almost there. Oh, did you throw this far down? Oh. No, this is... Big abdomen up there.

I found this one early. Long abdomen. Yeah, I don't know. I'll just send it to you. Probably just not worth it. you Probably just not worth it I'm guessing not worth it You guys want to just watch it on my phone? Nah

Wait can we keep watching these? These are entertaining I would like to watch some more Let's all pick one And that'll be our intern We're all going to have one intern Alright this one's my intern Nah I don't want to see that one

I don't care about that one Why? Because it was girls? Yep. Him again? Just how, yeah, start. Let's watch this one. No, no. Of all the people, you chose the same guy again?

Let's find randoms. No, no, I want to watch this one again. I'm bringing Sarah to see my hometown, dude. Let's fucking go. All right, sweethearts. This is where I stop first thing every morning. This is Dunks. They got Dunks where you're from? Where you from again, Jersey? I'm from Long Island. Yeah, let's have a... We're good. We're good.

It's funny because no one from Boston talks like that. They actually do. Like, R.A. does. R.A. does. R.A. does. You're from South Shore, too. North Shore towns do. Yeah, but, like, not as much as people act like it.

Yeah. Impressions, they... R.A. does have, like, the heaviest Boston accent I've ever heard, though. Like, in person. But he's also, like, older. Like, I don't think people, like, nowadays have the heaviest Boston accent I've ever heard, though. Like, in person. But he's also older. I don't think people nowadays have the accent like that. Brandon, who are you texting? Jeff DeLow.

What's he want? He texted me, did you see? Oh, boy. Get him in here. Tell him to come in. No, I want to say, I said, did I see what? Oh, boy. Oh.

Oh, boy. Who? What is this? Okay. She's been suspended for the entire 21, 22. Okay. Damning evidence. Horribly uncomfortable appearance on the rundown.

Mm-hmm. Oh, man. That's suspicious. Oh, jeez. A tweet implying she brought buzz to the show. Kirk pushing me to step up and take control of the show. Her breaking of the rules in the middle of the show and the match being the most disliked episode

in the history of the dozen. Hmm. Hmm. Wait, wait. Let's get to the message at the end. My message to all contestants do not come on the dozen

and make a fucking mockery of the show. Oh, man. The next penalty leviting against someone wrapped up in a cheating scandal will be a permanent ban. Tristan needs to go fool Tonya Harding and hire a hitman to break the knees of Jeff D'Lo's Star Wars.

Can we get him in here? Who is that? Action figures. Who's that piece of shit? No, not you. He's fine too. Not him. Oh, who do we want?

Him? Who's that? We want both of them. I want him. I want him. Who's that? Who are you? Who is that?

What are they doing? I don't like what they're doing. They think, yeah, this is. That guy's got an Ole Miss shirt on. Oh, does he? Yeah. So I think they're both guests, I believe. Oh, they're guests.

Yeah. That's why they confused us. They both have 20 million followers on TikTok. Yeah. So that didn't bother you at all. What's up? Oh, me? Or no, me? What? Oh. So that didn't bother you at all What's up Oh me Alright let's bring him in then No

I don't want him I don't want them to beat me up They don't even say hi They just walk right in and start beating the shit out of you I'm like the last person ever To like talk shit to someone's face. They would come in here and be like, oh yeah, have a good time.

And as soon as they leave, as soon as they can't hear you, I am what you would call a pussy. Yeah, me too. Me too. Brandon? What's up? You a pussy? No. Brandon's not a pussy's up? You a pussy? No.

Brandon's not a pussy. No. You take things head on. Unfortunately, I'm not, yeah. I want to know who they were, though. Love to be a pussy. Viceroy's, maybe? Really?

If they were Viceroy's, they would have jumped at the chance to come in here. Yeah. Y'all remember Luke, don't you? Oh, people are missing him today. Luke would have had the best clips. Luke would have crushed it. Luke was good, though. Yeah, yeah.

I think we should put him up on the graphic. What year do you think? Trevor. Trevor Z. What? Trevor Zgris. He plays hockey, apparently. Oh.

Yeah, they do. Good for him. I take back everything I said. You want me to come in there? It's all right. I know the Chigwitz guys. You guys know Biz? Close friend of mine.

Very. Very close. What are they, like, professional hockey players? They didn't look it. They were young. That is professional hockey, but they're drafted at 18. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, it could be.

Can't you not get drafted after you're like 24? No. Is that not a thing? Well, there's just no available draftees at 24. I thought there was like a rule you couldn't get drafted after 24. Military or hockey? Hockey. Okay.

Why would it be military? Military women can be drafted now? Yeah. Yeah. All right. All right. Okay. Why would it be military? Military women can be drafted now? Yeah. Yeah. All right. All right. Finally. Wait, you can't be drafted to the military after, like, what, 20?

35, I thought. Oh, is it 35? Isn't it 35? That's old. I was counting down to my 35th birthday. That would suck if you're 34 and you're getting drafted. You're old ass in boot camp. Maybe it's younger than that.

25. Oh, 25. That's's younger than that. 25. Oh, 25. That's it, Sass. I think you confused hockey with war. I don't think I'm... I feel like I heard that. Sass, nice haircut. Thank you.

How to impress Mr. Dillon. Did it work? You went to my recommendation. No, I don't think so. Say the word. Regency? No, the barber. No, the...

Yes. Oh my God, dude. That place was so weird. Yeah, I love it. No frills, no bullshit, no conversation. Yeah, didn't even... Uh-huh. I walk in...

Your scalp will hurt. Yeah. It's a speed run. Yeah. They try to break records. I got a five minute cut. They wet it with what looks like a Jack Daniels bottle filled with water. But it's like a little barber gag.

Yeah, it's a good classic gag. It's a toy. It's a huge gag. Does he pretend to take a sip? No. They don't fool around like that. I want a barber to do like hibachi chef shit. I remember those videos

of the barbers like lighting people's hair in fire. Yeah. There's just no, I looked it up, there's just no point in doing that.

Turkish barbers just beat the fuck out of you. That video is crazy. We should pull up that video of the guy just beating the fuck. Also the nude barber. The nude barber in Chicago. Yeah.

Oh yeah. What is going on in Turkey? Is it like inbreeding or something? What? They have so many variations of non-human faces and bodies. I know what you're talking about. They have the little men that aren't. I think it's different species.

Yeah, here we go. It's not those mantis. The song rocks. Wait for it. Bang! I think this is a parody. No, I don't. Is it?

Yeah, I think so. It's going to have a Players Tribune article about CTE. Because if you watch a real Turkish barber, it's close to this. We should hire that guy. I kind of want big tea in here. Why? What are we doing, two hours? Why?

Is it a way I'm going to stop on the one? No, we're done. We can walk at any point. Let's just chill out. I want to watch more of those videos. I want to go eat my other chicken sandwich. Oh, at your desk? Yeah. I ate it.

You did not. You've been here the whole time. No, I ate it before. No, he actually ate the Bojangles. No, you did not. He did. He actually all shared it. It was really good.

So I ordered sushi. Did you eat my sandwich? I had your Boberry biscuit. There was no Boberry biscuit. I ate your sandwich. You already had one. There's a Bojangles in New York? Brandon, I ordered sushi and there was a bug in my roll.

It was disgusting. And I was so hungry. What are you rushing to? It's not going to get cold. It's in my tummy. I did eat his sandwich and I have a feeling he may be mad at me. Yeah. He thinks you're kidding.

You already ate one. Yeah, I know. And it was for everybody in the kitchen. He also said Jeff could eat it. Yeah, and Jeff gave it to me. There's one more Owen video, by the way. Oh, I know and it was for everybody in the kitchen. You also could eat it Yeah, and Jeff gave it to me. Oh There's one more oh in video by the way. Oh, let's see it It's time to talk about things that have the exact same energy for no Three the way that TV static looks and sounds is the exact same way that carbonation tastes Which is the exact same thing as when you lose feeling in your hands

They go numb like these are all the same i think i saw this online but i honestly think about it every single day thursday the equation 7 times 7 equals 49 the color purple in the month of november are just different ways of looking at the exact same thing and i can't explain it okay stick with me on this one but muffins moths toads and pickles are all bringing the same energy because their opposites are cupcakes butterflies frogs and cucumbers you know what i'm saying like a toad is just a pickle version of a frog, and a cupcake is just the butterfly version of a muffin. I don't know. It makes sense to me.

And finally, no one can argue that this binder, the Boy Scouts of America, and these cargo shorts bring the exact same energy, but I don't know why. Jesus Christ. That probably has like 10 million likes. Yeah, I'd just be like, holy shit. So true. No, literally true. These all have the same energy and I don't know why.

He wasn't lying about the static. You ate my goddamn sandwich. You gave it to Jeff and Jeff gave it to me. No, I did not give it to Jeff. I was trying to be nice. Trent. Trent. They brought Bojangles sandwiches into the kitchen.

You took two. I did take two. And some people got none. Clap your ass real quick. I only brought like seven. Clap your ass. Clap my ass. You took two. I did take two. And some people got none. Clap your ass real quick. Clap your ass. Clap. Just try it. Trent, we knew you thought about it. Trent can and will.

Jack can. Let's see if he... Clap your ass. Why don't you just... I don't have much of an ass yeah but big c did say he could twerk the other day so when did he say that i don't know he was talking about it i just sent you my mid-year review well what are you looking at me for i think he could do it oh yeah jack's doing owens mid-year review why don't we do it right now yeah you want to do it i want a mid-year review um do you yeah i don't have much to right now? Yeah. You want to do it? I want to make your review. Do you? I don't really have much to say, to be honest.

I just said you've been killing it. Thanks, man. The entire first part of the year? The face has been crushing it. Yeah. So what's Owen's job title? Social media specialist? Yeah. What does he need to work on?

I don't really like this, but I don't really think there's anything. Are you half-assing this? No, I think everyone on my team is really good. Owen's really good as well. Who's the worst? Probably Malasek, to be honest. He kind of annoys me. Yeah, he annoys all of us.

He's good. He's very good, but he drives me up a wall sometimes. He announces his actions. Yeah, he's one of those. He says everything he's doing. Or just every thought that comes to his mind, that's why. Isn't he an intern, though? Yeah.

His eyebrows are a little dark, too. Yeah, they're thick. No. I gotta go. You like this couch for the gambling house? Can I get a mid-year review? You think a white couch is gonna work? A white.

If it's black, yeah. Just a white couch. Better not bite Tucker Max over it. Damn, he's wearing a bucket hat. Yeah, I know. It looks cool, too. Who was wearing a bucket hat? He was. He's pulling it off. That guy was wearing a bucket hat. Yeah, I know. It looks cool, too. Who was wearing a bucket hat? He was.

He's pulling it off. That guy was wearing a bucket hat. Who's the guy? Watts. He's an intern. Old Roe intern. Oh, yeah. Intern Watts.

He lays low. Old Roe was starting to retweet intern Watts' jokes. I don't follow Old Roe. Actually, yes, I do on today's episode. I got to get a new sandwich. So of all i didn't know so did you like did you fire your trainer no we're in discussions we're negotiations with what uh i want to work out i want to be in shape i want to diet but i don't want to wake up at five o'clock in the morning so we're trying to figure out what i remember i told you not to do that why don't you let sass train you oh remember i told you i said you're not going to be able

to consistently keep going at 6 a.m yeah i remember that and you're right yeah i took a vacation i my grandmother died i went home to mississippi i went to omaha and i got in the eight o'clock nine o'clock waking up and i don't want to go back yeah so just do there's no re you don't have to go at 6 a.m. But I can't do it after. I don't consistently get off at a certain time. Last night I was here until 7.30. Tonight I might leave at 4.30.

I don't consistently get off at a certain time. How do I do it at night? You tell me how I can do it at night. I mean, I don't know. Tonight I'm taking my daughter to play tennis. Why don't you just start going to the gym with your weights? What's the difference in free weights than anything else? Like, can you pick it up off the ground?

Yes. Or is it machines? So why don't you work out at home? No, I use weights when I go to him. Then I have to buy the weights. I don't know how to. I want to buy a rower. That's a good investment.

You do not have three boys. Weights would be cheaper than a trainer. I want to buy a rower, but it's like $900. No, you don't want that. The best workouts are push-ups and pull-ups. Can't stress that enough. I can't pull-up. You get a daily routine of push-ups and pull-ups.

Do assisted pull-ups. Crunches. Crunches are awful. Crunches aren't that great. I could push-up. Do push-ups. I want to walk three miles a day and do 50 push-ups a day. Your fist is under your butt

and you're doing this those are called like or I don't know what those are called butterflies I was going to say bicycles but that's when you butterflies is in and out right

or just what's the just up and down you know you like that's bicycle you really don't have to train your abs you don't have to train anything no but like

if you just get to a low low enough body percentage or body fat percentage you just will have abs like everyone has abs yeah it can make your core stronger though for sure yeah which helps your other lifts why don't you just do what do you need a trainer i don't guess so i just thought if i if i invested in a trainer motivating nobody's ever said that i don't i don't guess so i guess or i don't think so i don't think so no i don't think so he's only had one giant popeye's sandwich why don't you just ask him to make you a program i thought if i if i invested in if i paid for it, like at the beginning of the month, I would always follow through. Big mistake.

Well, why don't you just be like, can we meet once a week? And do what? Be like, I'll work out however many, how many days do you... I have to have a guy I report to or else I won't do it. How many days a week do you want to work out? Three. Three? Yeah.

So be like, okay, I'll work out twice a week on my own and we'll meet once a week together. Not going to work out twice a week on my own. I'm a piece of shit when allowed to be. Well, then you just got to figure that out on your own. I don't know what to tell you. What about some incentive? Unless you want to buy a personal trainer who lives with you.

You need a trainer that you're afraid of, that instills fear in you, that abuses you. Yes. Why don't you just send us a picture of your cock and balls with your face in it? We'll post it if you don't go to the gym. We post it. That will work. That only works one day. What do you mean?

It only works one day. Once you drop the cock and balls pic, what's going to motivate me to get out there the next time? We're hoping that wouldn't happen. That's the point. Hopefully you would have enough motivation. You already have a picture of my cock. Not your face though. My face.

Hopefully you would have enough motivation. Believe that. We should face swap like my cock, his balls, your balls, his cock. You want to make a yak dick? A yak groin. All right.

So, yeah, let's draft each other's dick parts. Kyle's left nut. We're going to take Kyle's head. Trust me. Zod's right nut. Trust me. It's darker than you'd think. No, it's not.

Well, maybe so. I'm just so used to it. Shit. Maybe so I'm just so used to it Shit Yeah I gotta go pee Nah nah nah nah nah Hold it We got ten more minutes of yak

Y'all can have ten more minutes I have to pee If you leave You've left You've left twice You have I did I walked right there

the first time How much water have you had today? A lot I've been here You've left twice already. I walked right there the first time. How much water have you had today? A lot. I've been here two hours. We should get a urinal in this radio room. That's a hockey player? Nah, nah, nah.

Is it a TikToker? What's this? That's you yesterday, friend. Yeah, that is you yesterday. I thought that was your pocketball. Fuck. Yeah. When did we take this? That's you yesterday, friend. Yeah, that is you yesterday. I thought that was your pocket balls. Mm-hmm. Fuck. Yeah. When did we take this? What were you looking at?

That's when you were outside, just sitting in the chair during the act. We had that view for like three to four minutes. Oh, just your chin. Yeah. It was big screen. Can we pull these guys in? Yeah. These are different guys.

Oh, that's, whoa. Those are different guys? No, that's different guys. Yeah, the one was in a striped shirt. The same guy's different, but that's the Ole Miss shirt again. Hi, hello. He doesn't like us. No.

No, he doesn't at all. Ole Miss hockey club? But he likes her. Yeah, yeah. Definitely. Oh, they're definitely liking each other. Oh, shit, is that Enrique? Where's he been?

He's been doing his crowd work. Oh, you guys fucking Enrique. He just walked down the steps. I don't know what he's been doing. We hung out with Enrique this weekend. The way this guy's walking. Uh-oh. Not Enrique.

Enrique. The way that that one dude was walking. What? All slow. Oh, yeah. That angered me. Yeah. What?

Nowhere to be? The coolest guys have nowhere to be. No. They always walk really slow and everybody's just glad they made it when they get there hey glad you made it i know yeah i was doing this thing at barstool oh it's 207 i mean i was exhausted doing too well i had this thing i really didn't want to do it But they kept on asking The boys from the yak Or I like to call it

The crap show Asked me to come on I didn't I walked past like three times though Let's get this guy I was wearing the tightest white shirt I could find. My muscles were practically bursting through. I bet you he does sound like that, too.

Oh, yeah. I want him in here. Let's get them both in. Go get all of them. Walk slow to get them. Yeah. Actually, take on that persona when you're talking to him. Hey, man. I know you probably don't want to. Trust that persona when you're talking to him. Hey, man.

I know you probably don't want to. Trust me, I don't want to either. Some stupid bullshit. All right. What are you doing this weekend, Kyle? Let's wrap it up. It's Wednesday. It is Wednesday.

I'm going to wear your fucking Air Jordans to a farm. Didn't he die? Who? The Wednesday, my dudes? I have no idea. Oh, yeah. There was a Welcome to Chili's guy. Yeah, Welcome to Chili's guy died.

It's fucked. Yeah, it was. Still is. On that note, that's the Barstool Yak. Thank you for joining us. We'll be back tomorrow relax with that sorry i should know my spot wait wait wait now i'm just playing it's a yak We'll be right back.