The Yak - Lunchtime Interview With A New Intern | The Yak 6-9-22

Episode Date: June 9, 2022

Bak with the YakYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. It's the act It's the act It's time to talk shop We're doing Yankees love It's the act It's the act Are our mics on? Hello?

Hello What's up? It's the act They're gonna be on right now Lenny Ball sat in the chair during the last show and broke all the mics All your mics are muted Mincy just came back when nobody was in there and took his bag It'll be the second day in a row he did that Every single day, somebody backs that thing into the controls and unplugs it

Number one story on the prep sheet. How are you feeling? I've been better. Hey, Pete, all the mics are broken. Is Pete growing a beard? That's two weeks in the making. There was an issue in a meeting I had last week where the new conferencing software was not working, and

Pete walked by for something. I was like, hey, Pete, get in here for a second. So he's like, oh, alright, I think I know what the problem is. And he goes into the table for like 10 minutes, fixes nothing, and then just leaves. Nice. Alright, everybody.

All hands on deck right now from the control room. Everybody's trying to fix this microphone issue. Oh, hey. Wait, I got a mouthful of food. Stanko's in a pretty bad mood today. Yeah. More like Cranko. Hey.

That was hype. Had to run that one back because you boys couldn't hear it. It was Nick's fault, though. No, it wasn't. Nick fucked up the points. We got to the bottom of it. Nick was jamming his chair back. I had just gotten in here, and I got screamed at by Stanko at the top of his fucking lungs.

He said, Nicholas! That is how he yelled my name. You were jamming your seat back like somebody's knees were digging in your back on an airplane. Seats don't even move. They don't even have wheels. Yeah, remember when they bolted them into the ground for a half second? Now they just let us fucking run roughshod, then blame us when something goes awry. Technical difficulties make our jobs so much easier, though. And our jobs are already pretty fucking easy.

Oh, big time. It lowers the standard for us. Like, oh, well, there's no... I mean, it might be the greatest trick that the tech boys have ever pulled. They're the ones who are our secret guardians. They are. Our dark knights that are just looking out for us, making sure that the tech seems

shitty so we can be shitty. No big cat today. I don't know where Kate is. Where is Kate? She knows better. She knows to be here. Oh, she wants the invite. Kate does? Oh, she wants the invite. Katie does? Oh, it's like that?

Go to the breastfeeding room. He's in the group chat. The pump room. The pump room. Damn, dude, but we got KB in this bitch, Nick in this bitch, Owen in this bitch, Sass in this bitch. Same bitch, different bitches. We're all in the same bitch. All holes filled.

Oh, yeah. You start bringing Bradley, her dog, around. A little dog for a yipper. Where's Bitch at? San Francisco. You want to draft the five holes? We'd be in. At a kindergarten classroom trying to learn units of measurement.

Yeah, he didn't know a gallon. That's okay. We all don't know things. You think we let him off easy for that? He's probably pulling up with the blades on? Yeah. I think I may have called him out. But yeah, we definitely did. Yeah, we let him off easy. So we're pussies.

Yeah, we are such pussies. That's ridiculous. If anyone else didn't know the length of an inch or some shit, they thought a centimeter was an inch. You should do a length and weight and measures test just to see where we're at. To see if we fucking have it or not. The thing is like if we did call him out for that he would fire us immediately yeah he has the power and he has threatened to do so that's just the relationship with him though yeah hank

is his like puppet leader hank is like he's propped up the true leader is big cat yeah hank's just a convenient a convenient uh decoy big cat installed that government. Yeah, exactly. Big Cat is the U.S. Like the Venezuelan government. Hank is all other countries. Hank's South America. Yeah, he is. Dude, what type of time were you on yesterday, KB?

What do you mean? What do you mean? What time? You were on Joey's Snapchat story at like 11.30 p.m. You were there with me. You always do this. You sneak out right before the boys are about to get drunk enough to bust out the Instagram. No, dude.

You don't appear. You were busting out the stories the second we got there. It was a table. It was a photo shoot. Yeah, nonstop cameras. It was. It was a bunch of reality. Pico's crew, I think they were doing a vlog.

One of them was just filming. Oh, I know. were doing a vlog. One of them was just filming. Oh, I know. I did a BetterHelp ad at the bar for her. I don't know if it was just a rumor, but for Tommy's kickback, they said that Tico flew in a girl to vlog Tommy's party. This is pretty much entirely true. Yeah. Really? She met her at Coachella, and the girl just flew into New York.

With everything she owns. One way. With everything she owns. On a round trip, and her first stop was Tommy's kickback. And she didn't understand the concept of the video. She thought that was an actual sincere attempt at a party. She was devastated. She knew of Barstool. Yep. Kyle, do you remember what your

opening line to her was? There's no drinks on the table, Tika. She got me the 32 seconds I was there. She got it. Who will be the first to black out? Nick left right away. I left immediately. Well I I was being

I had to get home I downloaded a Rube Goldberg simulator On my Oculus I've been making chain reactions out the wazoo You were doing basic dominoes No way dude You were manually setting up dominoes I've been using funnels.

I used a chili pepper as a ramp. What? Yeah. Fuck out of here. Let me see. Are there YouTubes of Rube Goldberg simulations? Yeah. On the Oculus?

I think nothing we can say or do would be more entertaining than a Rube Goldberg video. Rube Goldberg is the pinnacle. If there was a company that started that was just Rube Goldberg's, Barstool would be out of business in a day. What's so entertaining about it, I wonder? Because I agree, but I don't understand what my primal brain is. It's just like baby brain, like seeing someone disappear and come back. It's like, oh, that thing happened and then there was a reaction. I don't know.

Can we boot up Rube Goldberg compilation? We've got to hire Rube. Oculus, Oculus, Oculus, Oculus. That's not a real thing. Yes don't know. Can we boot up Rube Goldberg compilation? We've got to hire Rube. Oculus. Oculus. Oculus. Oculus. Is it? That's not a real thing.

Yes, it is. I want to see the Oculus ones. It's called like it's awesome and you're just in like a very nice living room. You can always dial it back. That's a nice escape already.

So is Oculus making a comeback? They got better games. I use it all the time. I golf with my dad almost every other night. I never use mine because I don't have space. You golf with rigs every night?

Yeah. Every other day. Every other day. I never use mine because I don't have space. You go off with rigs every night? Yeah. Every other night. They got a rig simulator. Oh shit, this is it? Yeah, this is it. You're just in a nice ass place. It is nice. You can choose all kinds of different rooms and that's how you grab stuff. What the fuck is this? That's your tool. That's your grabber tool.

I want to watch a real one. And then you have your little menu and you make Rube Goldberg's. No way. And I was up until the cock crowed. How do you know if shit's close enough to get the desired physical reaction? T&E, my sweet boy. Try on error.

That's how you're giving it up? It's just like a real-life Rube, but I don't have to clean up a room when I'm done. You're T&E-ing? Yeah. Fucking Ian. I had this living room filled with metal balls because I kept on trying to get it

to go down the funnel, hit off a chili pepper, and into a little cup. Where'd you get the chili pepper? Was that a game mod? Yeah. I hacked.

You had the payout report? I downloaded the spicy vegetable DLC. You jailbroke it? I jailbroke my Oculus. To get peppers? How long is this YouTube video? Because there's so many items.

45 minutes. I can't imagine just watching this at regular speed. Yeah, but imagine doing it. When we do a 12-hour react for 100k, we should do a Rube Goldberg. Yes. This dude did nothing. No, he did something. Oh, he's playing Pong.

Yeah, I guess you could just do that. Yeah. Just a nice apartment simulator. That's kind of incredible. Yeah, dude. Want some Ready Player One? Oh, look at him. Oh, cool.

Cool. Damn, I understand why you had to get home. I got to get home now. Make your excuse the rest of the ball. Oh, cool. Cool. Damn, I understand why you had to get home. I gotta get home now. Make your excuse the rest of the day.

I didn't think I was filling up a bucket. You were grabbing them one by one. I was. Well, there was a clone tool as well. He's showing off

the physics. Oh, I thought he had a tremor. He's eyeing about it. He's falling asleep. Gets on a track. Gets on a track. Gets on a fucking back and forth train track stat.

For sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Alright, that's on us. But after this, we do have to pivot to at least one Rube Goldberg just to kind of scratch the itch. There we go. I feel like vertical ones are pretty good. I feel like gravity do your thing. one Rube Goldberg just kind of scratch the itch. There we go. I feel like vertical ones are pretty neat.

Yeah, yeah. You let gravity do your thing. The ones where the camera follows it right behind or like people were building them in their houses, young engineers, high school engineers. Love that EDM in the background. There's a sick way to do it. Boys need to engineer themselves. That's an easy example.

We don't want... Oh, get out of here. Is that Big T? Big T is... That guy using carrots? Oh, look it, yeah. Never thought of that. I just use hollow vegetables.

Yeah, P's incredible at Rube Goldberg's. This guy? Yes. Hey, Spryce! Can you pass the salt, please? This is what I'm talking about. Yes, yes! Back and forth.

Oh, my God. Non-linear Rube? Just to get the salt? Ruth Bader Goldberg. Rube. Wow, the T&E Pays off And that should pop out of the cup

What? Do I hear a fan? Please tell me I hear a fan I think I do Is that a teapot? Uh yeah What the fuck dude? I expect this to have several billion views.

Is it going to launch the pepper? Or is that an apple? It looks like an apple, brother. Why did I hear a fan? An apple at a Fig Newton? Maybe his house is a pig. That's crazy. Oh, my God. That's crazy. That just makes no sense. That's crazy. Yo, my God. That's crazy.

That just makes no sense. That's crazy. Yo, that was crazy. Now, granted, I'm kind of cynical. The cuts. One to another? Yeah. I'm fine with that.

Kind of slows down in pace. Oh, they just need one. Just need one. It's a numbers game. I don't know. Come on. They were probably sweating it. Damn. Come on. They were probably sweating it. Damn. Come on.

Damn. Come on. This guy is a savant. No. This should be a professional sport. Can we get Kim in here? I don't think they've heard of these yet in Oklahoma. She might start shooting the TV.

Mind blown. She might light the TV. All the gaps for the handle. Oh, let's go. Oh. Hooks? Oh, no. Oh, my Lord.

What the hell is this, dude? No, it's not going to float, is it? There isn't any fucking way. Is it going to? Oh, my god. No, no, no. Kill the fuck out, dude. Oh my god. What the fuck, dude?

I wasn't even thinking of this shit. This has to be a college major somewhere. That one had to have scared them. Yeah. Dude, this must have taken them, like, years. Oh, my pears are rot years. Pears are rotting. The bananas are rotting. We're not even halfway through yet.

We're not? This is insane. Mushroom. I guess quarantine was the best time for Rube and Goldberg. Oh, my God. This fucking orange comes apart. Peeling them. Little carrots.

My God. I'm thinking about the square footage of this person's apartment. This had to have been filmed right before the invention of pussy. They were on the precipice of pussy. Damn. Oh. And that's the salt. There's the salt.

Oh, yeah, that's the salt. That's the salt that we were trying to pass from the beginning. Oh, he got it. Oh, my Lord. Thank you. Yes, yes. Sir. Salute this Australian man who likes French music and has a long ass

living room 21 mil 21 mil should be way more I was hoping for kind of a pink Himalayan at that point honestly why would you

not just get the pink Himalayan I feel like that's that's not gonna be that good on that stage that guy went with table salt yeah table salt and too much and you don't even

smack it on right the way it's distributed kind of a waste of a stop I'm reposting this to the science is fucking cool facebook page the facebook page for that they invented pussy that page yeah yeah science is i forget what it was called science is fucking cool i don't know if i was ever in

that corner of facebook are there any rube goldberg podcasts where guys just talk about like the chain reactions there are some weird There are some weird corners of podcasting. Yeah. But I respect it, though. Podcasts about food always throw me for a little bit of a loop. I guess it's the same as making a video about food. There are multiple. It's its own category on the rankings.

Imagine being outside the top 100. Four episodes. Yeah. Yeah, we're 175 for Rude Goldberg. That was from yesterday. No way. It's a new podcast? No way.

They got five stars. Just ratings. Mythology? Yeah, dude. Boost this podcast. Well, let's listen to five seconds of it. Wait, Nick, is this you? Yeah.

Could we boost? Hold on. No. No, I don't like this. They have an intro. That's more than some of us can say. Fuck. Boyd adds. Mr. Cold opens. This is creepy.

Sounds like a Porter Robinson. I love this. Kind of relaxing. I know. It's like dissonant, though. Is that intentional? Is it like... It's like I'm waiting for the bass drop.

Do they just have music going on in the entire background? That would be awesome. By understanding how music itself is both the total expression of unconscious and conscious. No. One star. Wait a minute. I think it's just a guy named Rube Goldberg. Oh, this is Rube's podcast.

This is Rube's podcast. That makes more sense. Is Rube a name? Yeah, like Ruben. Yeah. Ruben Goldberg. Ruben Goldberg definitely is a guy. What does he look like? That's what he looked like.

I know what he's eating. I could not tell you what era he was born in. Ruben Goldberg? I'd imagine. I could tell you where he's from. Yeah, I could tell you how he worships. But I always thought it was two people, like Rube-Goldberg. Oh, it's just a dude.

Yeah, he's... Oh, shit. He's a cartoonist first. I thought it was a collaboration between two things. What the fuck, dude? And the pelican? He's dead. I thought life...

Is that Hitler in the bottom right, dude? What the fuck is that? We should go knock over his gravestone. The whole cemetery goes down. It pops out. You won! You've beaten the final test. He would want his body floating above a hair dryer.

Yeah. Yeah, dude, we should. Oh, man. Where's he buried? Let's go quit a crime. It can't be a crime. It's what he would respect. Yeah, it's how it's designed. It's how it's intended.

If we rubed Rube? Yeah. Rube Rube. Yeah, he would love that. It's a cubed Rube. New York, New York. No way. We got to do a live pod from his. Let me know's a cubed Rube. New York, New York. No way. We gotta do a live pilot from his...

Let me know. No, it's not New York, New York. He died in New York. Well, that's probably where he's buried then. He's buried in Westchester. I want to see where he died. He died when he was 87. He died in Manhattan. A long life. For someone that was born in the 1880s. For someone that was born in the 1880s.

Yeah, that is fucked. Crossing centuries is crazy. People who were born in the 80s and 90s are going to look so old in the late 2000s. It's like, dude,

born last century. I know. I think about that a lot. Like, grandkids being like, you were born in the 1990s? You fucking freak. You don't know how to float or whatever type of shit they'll be on. You don't know how to Neuralink.

That's his? Oh, he didn't want it. He made it. It's a fallen domino. Yeah. Oh, it's his final challenge. Wait, is his grave a Rube Goldberg machine? That would be so fucking sick.

Is that his signature? It is pretty wavy, too. If his loved ones are loved ones, then it is. They're definitely not, though. Nobody respects what you want. People probably have sweet-ass funeral demands. That shit is not getting done. No. Or when someone's like, throw me in the trash.

That's definitely not happening. Honey Debt paid for Hunter S. Thompson's funeral and they shot him out of a... Giant cannon. Yeah, out of a cannon. Really? Yeah. It was like a million dollar funeral. Yeah.

Depp was the fucking goat, dude. He lived many lives. I know. I can't believe he died. Just losing Depp. Should we... If I die, my last wish is for you guys to kill yourselves. Fuck.

Fuck it, bro. It's a Rube Goldberg. Yeah. His body's falling. Body's falling in a row. Should we spin the wheel just so it hopefully lands on not anything and we can just go back to a good old-fashioned fucking talk fest? Riffin'.

Just boys fucking talking. No impending terrible shit happening. Just boys fucking talking. No impending terrible shit happening. It's losing red, dude. It's getting less and less red. It's getting a lot of red. I'm feeling a... Michigan. I'm feeling a wheel reset.

Oh, that would be awesome. Yeah, it would. I was feeling milk yesterday and I fished my wish. TJ, how was your butt? How was your butt? All right. So I have a 90-second video of me in the bathroom after the show ended,

just purging everything from the inside of my body. What end? You shoot that, you go, like, camera in the toilet? Yeah, GoPro. So I'm all right. Is there, like, a prognosis? Could you die from that? I guess if you're lactose intolerant.

Yeah. Lactose intolerant. How dangerous is that? Or how real or fatal is it? Or is it just uncomfortable? Say 70% of people suffer from it. It's like dandruff. It's like dandruff. We all have it, but to what degree?

To what degree? I think it's just you. Holy fuck, TJ, bro. That shit was deep, dude like dandruff, TJ said. We all have it, but to what degree? To what degree? I think it's just you. Holy fuck, TJ, bro. That shit was deep, dude. Dandruff. I want... Next time TJ has to puke on camera for us,

I want him to wear that GoPro like the train guy wears. Yeah. Francis Bourgeois. Who's also now like a J.Crew model or some shit. Gucci, dude. Where is it?

Gucci. That's not surprising. He's drippy. He's got a lot of drip.Crew model or some shit. Gucci, dude. Where is it? Gucci. That's not surprising. He's drippy. He's got a lot of drip. Fake name, by the way. What? Yep, it's an LLC. What's his name?

Not Francis Bourgeois. Is the tism real? You got it. I think it is. He did an interview because people exposed old modeling photos of him from like five years ago, and he said that he used to be like a yard man or something. And then like he used to like trains. I've never been on route. Right. And then

when COVID hit, he fell back in love with train spotting. So quay for a Mackey's ting. Pang. Weather's a bit peak. Staying at yard and not doing bits. I love how he has like celebrity guests now. Yeah. And it's all there. Like he pretends he doesn't love how he has celebrity guests now. Yeah. And it's all, he pretends he doesn't know they're going to be there.

Yeah. Oh, is that? Him and Owen Hahn are top humans. Who? Owen, the guy who cooks aggressively. Oh, you watch his shit all the time. He's the best. Who's that?

I heard you moaning watching one of his videos in the van. He is the ideal human. Who is, bro? Owen Hahn. I think he's an Italian. A secret fuckboy? Yo. He looks like he's the product of British lineage inbreeding. Yeah.

No offense. No way. Luke Nicholson. Hopspur jaw. You're telling me this hot guy fucks? This hot model fucks? He has a girlfriend. This hot famous model fucks?

I spurged out at the Planet Fitness water fountain today. I'm actually embarrassed. This girl was filling up way too big of a thermos. And you got under it? I was like, you don't have to fill it all the way up. I didn't say that, but I was like... Thinking. Like sighing out loud behind her.

Pacing. Pacing, so she saw me in her peripherals. And when she finally finished she decided to screw on the lid right there at the table and i mean i and i just like just gave her the shoulder aaron donald what do you mean the shoulder you lowered your shoulder i made sure i bumped into her while i was while she body checked a girl yeah that's wild you don't take you don't take two and a half minutes at the water fountain. That's true.

Also, you said thermos? What is that? Like a bottle maybe? Water bottle? Wouldn't do it justice. It was a full thermos? You could have had soup in it? She could have been bringing soup.

Dude, I think that the best way to body check someone who's being an inconvenience in a public place is if they have some kind of luggage. And there's two ways specifically that I do it. If you just tip the end of somebody's big backpack that they're carrying, it'll throw off their whole stuff. I love that. It's like a tractor trailer trying to get back straight. Yeah, they'll start fishtailing out, and they have no idea. It can never

seem intentional or if someone's pulling a rolly thing through an airport and you just get like a little bit of a foot under it and it can like flip sideways yeah like cause a tractor trailer pile up in the middle of the airport oh that would be awesome two subtle ass ways the backpack is the best though it just sends let's try that her center of gravity was this brought at the gym wearing a massive bag full of books on her back or or no no no no but no not a single nap yeah that probably wouldn't have worked in that in that scenario unless he gave her one he's like hey can you like hold this really quick yeah i was so desperate to try it i made her i gave her the back yeah that would be can you wear this for me real quick? Backpack Wars would be sick, though. Like, a chicken fight where you have to wear backpacks.

You can only fight with the backpack. That might be my thing if we land on... Ooh, Backpack Wars. Just fucking head-to-head. Backpack Wars just trying to beat the fuck out of someone with a backpack. There's a blast in the coat closet. Yeah, get locked in. Yeah.

Trapped in, and you have to, like... We could even do it like two squares taped on the ground and if you get knocked out like some sumo wrestling type of shit but with backpacks really dope

we could draft the stuff we're putting in the backpack see that would be incredible yeah a bunch of books would obviously be more of a weapon than like some

a couple basketballs or some shit like that you want some weighty stuff not just volume but weight um let's uh spin the wheel yeah we didn't hmm basketballs or some shit like that. You want some weighty stuff, not just volume, but weight. Let's spin the wheel. Yeah, we didn't.

No way. Oh, boy. All right, all right. Would you have been ready for another one? Yes. Today has Friday vibes, to be honest. It really, really does. No one will show up tomorrow. I'm out tomorrow.

Are you actually? At a wedding. For real? Where at? Akron, Ohio. Shout them out. Shout the socials. Shout them out.

Shout them out. Shout out their registry. The last time I did it, it was just, I don't want. It's not a good thing to happen to you. I know. Yak fans flooding your comments. What if they just had their registry? What if they only had access to a link to their registry?

In lieu of a wedding gift, you got them a bunch of fucking awful comments on their registry. That's what they would have wanted. A little taste of fame, you know? It would be funny if I shouted out the registry and everyone bought him something inconvenient. That would be funny. I mean, big bowls on registries are like the dumbest and most preposterous thing, and they're on every single one.

They always want a salad bowl. A massive bowl. And people would get them in triplicate. You have a fucking stack of big-ass bowls, dude. No one needs big bowls. Do heads use appliances anymore? I don't think they do. Yeah?

Like what? Like a cake mixer? What do you use? Me? Yeah. Egg beaters that go into a bowl? I don't use appliances. I got a rice cooker.

You do? Mm. You're probably planning a sequel to the Boston bombing, though. I know what type of time you're on. Yeah, I'm just cooking up a bunch of cogs. Yeah. Some nuts and bowls. Oh, you gotta try my shrapnel. See, I only like shrapnel in the fall.

Watching football, eating some shrapnel. What do you even use a pressure cooker to cook with? Like, what do you cook in that? Rice. Turkey. Turkey? Or is it like a crock pot, like a pressure cooker? Yeah, I don't know. Is it similar? You don't need to lock the lid down.'t like a crock pot like a pressure cooker? Yeah, I don't know. Is it similar? You don't need to lock the lid down.

A lot of crock pot you just keep slow cook something and keeps it warm. Oh, you're probably right. Oh, yeah. Crock pot, way different. You could put like chicken in there, leave it for a couple hours. You're a little chilly. If you guys watch This Is Us, that's how the dad died. Crock pot.

Jesus Christ. Which dad? No spoilers. That's how Milo died? Milo. Yeah. Antimiglia? Antimiglia.

Yep. Yeah. He's a side mouth died? Milo. Yeah. Antimiglia? Antimiglia. Yep. Yeah. He's a side-mouthed dog. He deserves to die. They got a crock pot from a neighbor, not even a garage sale. They just gave it to him because it didn't work. What season was that in? I don't know.

Deep into it? Not the first, maybe the second season. No way. Really good pilot. How does he die? The first season is very watchable. Yeah. The slow cooker i think like

causes an electrical fire damn dude and he just exploded uh the house on fire he goes back in to get the dog and then he dies from smoke inhalation does the dog die i don't think so which sucks because then it's like i know because like he was a huge wait it sucks that the dog talks about that because the dad wanted to go back anything be better the dog. Do you think it would be better if the dog died? Then it's like, all right, well. Would it be better if the dog died?

Kind of. It's a living reminder. No, he did his last thing. He saved the dog. He was successful in his dying act. He did that because the daughter asked the dog.

Oh, wow. Which daughter? Describe her in one word. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Heavyset one? One that she wasn't going to run in there. The only daughter. Oh, is there only one daughter?

No, I thought it was triplets. Two dudes. Ah. One guy, one girl, and then one adopted guy. Man, the rest of the show is about her. That must have weighed on her heavily. Yeah. Trying to sue big crock pot.

The crock pots are great. You could put chicken on there for a couple hours. Cooked. It's awesome. What was he cooking on the show? Sounds like you could make anything. A pilaf? Chicken.

Yeah. Beef. You could put some chicken in there. It's great. I can't believe the shows have multiple seasons, dude. I don't think I've made it past the first season of a show in years. I think shows should be five minutes long. Movies should be 20 minutes long.

Yeah. Otherwise, it's just too much shit. Yep. Hell no. However, but even a five-minute video, I'd be like, this is long. Like, I'll try and chop down a percentage of whatever the actual thing is.

Like, I only want to watch 20% of anything. You got a front-load ship for my dumb ass, dude. I'm fucking slow. There. I'm fucking stupid, dude. is like i only want to watch 20 of anything you got a front load shit for my dumb ass dude i'm fucking slow there i'm fucking stupid dude i'm dumb as fuck good shows people would just and people just watch all of them yeah there are a lot of people they just know about every single good show how do you do that i can't believe how do they have the attention for it people just watch shows and And invest it. One stop.

Yeah. And they're invested in multiple things at the same time. And they expect everybody to, like, wait until they've seen it to talk about it. Like, I don't think I've ever been bothered by a spoiler. I read spoilers before I watch movies. Really? Yeah. You don't like a fright.

I don't want a fright. Yeah, you really don't like a fright. I do similar stuff. Sometimes I pause it, and then I scan across, I scan across and I watch the whole episode in 10 seconds to figure out what happens. Suspense sucks. I don't know why anybody would put that stuff on. I watch trailers even if I know I'm going to watch it.

Oh, yeah. Just for a little. And trailers give the whole... I was watching the trailer for Nope today, the three-minute trailer for Nope, and it's like, I know what happens. There's no point in watching it. I know exactly what happens. Early 2000s trailers were just the entire

movie. They've gotten a little bit better. You think? Yeah. Now trailers have trailers on YouTube. The trailers have trailers for the trailer. Teasers for the trailers. What's that, like a 15 second? It's like one line. It's always like Chris Pratt like, we gotta go back.

That's like every movie. Yeah. Damn, dude. We're always going back. Yeah, you're right. like we gotta go back that's like every movie yeah damn dude we're always going back yeah you're right that's one of the seven stories going back a quest an adventure

and going back yeah dude I can't believe Chris Pratt did Anna Faris like that dude didn't she divorce him really yeah

oh I thought he did her dirty yeah what was it I think it was an overreaction an overre was it? I think it was an overreaction. An overreaction? What did he do? It was an overreaction. Couldn't get pregnant. We should invest a lot of money and make a really good movie trailer

and then just never put out a movie. All right. Yeah. That's a good way to get return on that investment. That's what all investors want. Zero ROI. It's the perfect number. The thing is, like, the trailer is, like, clips from the movie.

So the movie's like, oh, I see. Yeah. Now you're catching on. Oh, shit. Holy fuck. Explosions and shit. Yeah. A lot of them.

A bare breast. Perhaps, too. Is there nudity? Can their trailers have nudity? I don't know. I guess not. Speaking of trailers, I think Brandon is back Monday. Yeah?

That's exciting. What is he doing back? I thought that he was about to grieve a little bit more. He's very entitled to do that. There's no reason to rush back. Maybe he just wants to get back to normalcy. Hang with the boys. He probably misses you.

Like crazy. He definitely does. Yeah, we've been texting. What has he been saying? He's got serious thoughts. Stop doing ASMR. Don't stop doing that. This is my voice.

I'm sexy. It's turning me on. I'm going to text him. Sorry for this. It's kind of good. How do you get your ASMR so good? Not that bad Sorry for the tingles Don't do tingles

No tingles I'm done with that That feels like I feel like a deviant It is a little bit sexually You force sex on somebody You know what I mean? That's how I feel whenever somebody's walking around New York City with a shirt that exposes themselves.

I feel violated. I feel violated sexually. I didn't sign up for that. Imagine if dudes could just walk with fucking their dicks just like lightly covered with some lace. And you could just see the full penis. I think people would take too kindly to that. are you saying are you comparing it what are you comparing here you're comparing a dick to titties the dick to titties i'll follow um no never mind just go oh and get it oh no yeah he's got to take oh off, dude. Titties aren't the dick of the chest.

Now, me and Owen have seen some titties on the street. No complaints. It was a great day. It was. Good titties? Oh, yeah, great titties. Street titties are usually bad. Oh, it was a great, great titties.

Like the opposite of tacos. And there was a security guard. They get better. They get worse the closer to the street they are. It is tacos and titties like a yin and yang? Oh my god. Oh my god. Holy shit.

How is Tacos and Titties doing? I don't know. Should we check in? Let's check in on Tacos and Titties. We kind of bailed on them. What do you mean we don't bail on them? Yeah, what the fuck? Don't set this expectation.

Oh, that's a red-ass taco. It's probably called the Diablo Loco. Hot Cheeto. Sorry, I'm too fucking cultured. And the Yak fans are still commenting on our podcast. They're a relentless bunch. Daily. You better drop the registry.

KB is wild. Let's get some takes in the comments. Not about yak stuff I'll wrestle KB Dude I'm just begging One time it's gonna work That comment just says TJ One time that KB gonna have that

That's it Does TJ have a like on that picture or something? Oh he must TJ? Oh Now that looks good What's that? Slathered in mole? TJ oh now that that looks good what's that

slathered in mole of course I liked that look at it damn I need them to start typing up the up and comers sub 2000 follow

girls yeah nobody with decimal points yeah tacos and titties yeah who's next up what the who's next up? What the heck? Who's next up on the taco and titty page? And where are they mining talent from?

Like, who is their scout? Yeah, and I want them to find these girls organically. More of a hunt. What do you mean organically? Don't, like, just find them online and then repost their... Well, how else are you going to... Go around like the Humans of New York guy and find titties. You want to send out the smoke patrol?

That's a good idea. Yeah. I think that would make it a lot more thrilling. You saw Jerry send out the smoke patrol last night? Yeah. Yeah, that was wild. What? Jerry's...

Is that a bathing suit? Is that a sash? Those are stamps. How do you feel about that? Oh, TJ already commented on it. Whoa, Nelly. Whoa, Nelly from TJ. Probably about the taco.

Honestly, though, I bet you that girl's funny as fuck. She'd probably genuinely make me laugh. Swear to God. I'd like to fuck her. Cheat ball for me. I would love to talk ideas with her. That's what gets me off. Just riffing with her broad?

I like the Cinco de Mayo one. 126,000 followers. Jesus. Dog mom to bear? What the fuck? You think you're the only one liking that? No, she's a dog mom, right? The bear.

Oh, I thought you said hot mom to bear. I don't want to share these girls with like 20 other thousand dudes. You're trying to plant your flag in a girl, though. Just me and a few hundred dogs. Yeah. Just keeping up with her. Small family. I mean, imagine being like...

Big family. I want a brotherhood. I need a girl that just got out of like a cult. That was that bad? Trust me, dude. Life changing. Life changing. I mean, that's like the...

You're still in cult mode. Yeah. Yeah. That's a long relationship. You're just looking for someone who's in a long relationship. Who's just in one relationship the entire time. It's the same thing. Yeah.

It's the only way to, you know... I'll let you finish that sentence. What will he let me? I'll let the whole world finish that sentence. Shit. You know what I mean, dude? I got it. I get what you're talking about.

Would you guys rather join a cult or start a cult? The latter. I'd probably join. It's less work. A lot less pressure. I think starting gives you access to all the holes. So you're asking us if I'd want to be Dave Portnoy

or me now? No, I'd like to be one of the first five in the cult. Yeah, they're always like Milton Tough. I want to be Feidelberg. You want to be Miscavige slash Feidelberg. Was Miscavige? Who's this? You know him, dude. You want to be Miss Cavage? Yeah. Slash Feidelberg. Was Miss Cavage?

Who's this? You know him, dude. Oh, I just saw his back. He's got a broad back, though. He's been working on it. Broad's back. He's been working. Shoulders, too, dude.

The pinstripes really accentuate that. Yeah, you've got to be brave to wear a vertical stripe. What's he taking a picture of? That's a good place to stand through your settings. Oh, yeah. He's probably formatting his card. Is that thing even on? Format that card, daddy.

Nick, give us some ASMR of my boy formatting his card. Okay, so we're unboxing the new DSLR from Nikon. Click through the buttons. Nice tactile feel. Kim. Come in. Come here. Let's get Kim in here.

I'm going to see if she knows what it is. I don't think. She's going to mind blow. Hey, grab a seat with us for half a second. Half a second. Oh, you were? I'm sorry. You were?

We didn't mean to draw you away, but we just had something to talk to you about. Unless you have to go back. What were you working on? Or what were you doing? Well, all right. You should be all set. That was about half a second. I was trying to find a KFC to do something.

We could probably get eyes on KFCs. Can we spy on them? What do you know about Rube Goldbergs? I don't know what that is. What is it? How much time do you have? Not a lot, she's saying. Not a lot.

How fast can you explain it? We have a video to show you, but we'll do it later. Same time tomorrow. Do it now. We have her. Do it now. Go ahead. It's a long one.

What is it? Just give me the short form. It's like physical science. Not like physics, but like motion physics. You know when a dominoes fall and it pushes a candlestick under a thread and it ignites the thread and a bowling ball falls? It's a Rube Goldberg machine. Oh. Say it again?

Rube Goldberg? Rube Goldberg. The guy who came up with it? Yeah. A guy named Rube Goldberg. You need to go back to Oklahoma and spread the word. That'd be revolutionary. I kind of think they all know it but me. No, I don't believe it. I feel like not a lot of people, only Nick and KB are ever talking about Ruben Goldberg.

We do a lot. They talk about it all the time and they're from West Virginia. Do it enough for everyone. Maybe it's diaspora. Wait, so what do you do with it? What do you do? I tinker. I'm a hobby. He Wait, so what do you do with it? What do you do? I tinker. I'm a hobbyist.

There's a video game where he utilizes spicy vegetables. I'm a hobbyist. Look, look, look. I like to bring him. Oh. Yeah, real quick. Yeah. Look at this.

I love that. I could watch that all day long. Yeah. We were saying. It's like calming. It is kind of calming. And it's satisfying, too. You know what that reminds me of a little bit?

Remember how you used to make the marble, the little, you know, you get to connect it all together, make the marble go where you want it? Oh, yeah, the tubes. Yeah, yeah. What was that called? Rat trap? Mouse trap. Mouse trap was a Rube Goldberg machine. Yeah.

That was a crazy contraption. Yeah, it does kind of remind you. This and marble racing had a similar come up during early quarantine. The one I don't like is when people stack the dominoes just right and they're like all over the whole table or whatever. Because of the mess. Yeah, they just knock them all down. We know what's going to happen. That's not satisfying.

It's not stimulating whatsoever. It's a good sound. It's a little ASMR. I think it is satisfying. Do you want to see them all laid down? It is. You don't think that is? So we're trying to get Barstool to hire Rube Goldberg.

He has a podcast with Mr. Venn from the Diagrams. How old is he? He's young. He's in his 80s. No, he's not young. Oh, I thought he was born in the 80s. He's in his 80s? He's in his 80s.

Oh, that's good. I would like that because then I would be the second oldest person. Yeah, but our office is already cluttered. Imagine him. Is he cluttery? Oh, look at this. He's making these. We would get him a studio. He hired the Domino's guy, though. That is already cluttered. Imagine him. Is he cluttery? Look at this. He's making these.

We would get him a studio. He hired the Domino's guy, though. That would be true clutter. I don't think he could do it. There's too much real clutter here. He wouldn't have the space to do it. We need to do a spring cleaning. We are, aren't we?

Yeah. Is that actually going to happen? Oh, no. We need to get rid of 90% of our belongings. I agree. We have too much stuff. Too much employees, you said? Yeah, and belongings. Yeah, we really do.

That's all the anxiety and causes. Whoa, what's that? Rigs? What? Whoa! It's like a mafia. Fuck.

You're good, you're good, you're good. Thank you so much. We just had to spread the word. Please tell a couple people about a Rube Goldberg machine. Even if you could tell one person,

that would mean the world. Where? New York. Yes. Israel or something like that. Is Feidelberg smoking the loud pack? Or is that just a bad camera? There's probably a light in front of it, or he is off.

I could see Feidelberg's... I don't know. Is this a dream sequence? He naturally has a lens flare on his body. That's the ghost of Feidelberg past. I think it is. Good Adam's apple on him. This feels dirty, though. I think it is. Good Adam's apple on him.

This feels dirty though. There's KFC. It feels dirty because we know something's going to happen. I guess you're right.

All right. Change. No. I don't want to fuck them over. I don't like this at all. Would have been awesome if something did happen, though.

Yeah. I mean, let your mind run wild. What could have happened there that would have... Exchange of a firearm? Yeah. Awkward. Passionate sex. Sex was what we were all thinking.

Arms dealers. Just filing the serial number off of a sawed-off. I'd imagine that everyone, the whole KFC radio team, is all fucking each other. Jesus! Why do you imagine that? Why do you imagine that? I'm joking.

I know, dude, but I'm letting you finish, I'm letting you complete your thoughts. Just a riff, bro. Yeah, that was a good riff. Oh, wait, are we on their screen now? What?

What the fuck? They're watching us. Oh, what a twist we on their screen now? What? What the fuck? They're watching us. Oh, what a twist. I mean, our show is just a big circle jerk, so I wouldn't be surprised. Yeah. I truly wouldn't be surprised. We need a hard alcohol sponsor. I don't want to spy anymore.

No. I don't. What the fuck? Wait, what? How did he go behind the screen? What the fuck? Is he shapeshifting? Sash, you going to Chicago this weekend?

No, I'm going to Evanston. Oh, shit, dude. Big difference. So you're going to fly into Milwaukee or, I don't know, for like a day for my sister's graduation. So you're flying into Chicago? Probably. Midway or O'Hare, bro?

Which one? O'Hare. Oh, shit. Get your takes off. Get some takes. What's your takes on the moving walkways? They need a name. They're called people movers.

They need a name. I think that's one of the better ways you can name something. It says exactly what it does. I agree, usually, but they need a one-syllable name. Like tram, tramp, pram. You have to keep walking on it I agree, usually, but that needed a one-syllable name. Like tram, tramp, pram. You have to keep walking on them. Oh, wait, a people tram? You can't stop on them

and ride them like a... Escalators, it's optional. Those, it's mandatory. Keep to the right. Oh, no. Keep to the right on the escalator. I stop sometimes. On the people mover? Yep. Oh, that's an asshole move. Oh, you stay to the right. There's plenty of room.

There's actually way more room than a normal escalator. You indulgent bastard. There's more room than a normal escalator. You disgust all of us. You probably spread

your legs wide. You probably go akimbo so nobody can pass you. I do. You indulgent bastard. I mean, sometimes, it depends on the airport you're at,

sometimes you gotta walk like three miles. You probably sit cross-legged and fucking eat an ice cream sundae on it, you indulgent bitch. No. Maybe. You indulge more.

You indulge. I know you indulge. You hop back on it and just ride it back and forth a few times. Ask for time. Create traffic jams. Sometimes I like to turn around and go the opposite direction. Traffic jams are Rube Goldberg machines, kind of. Humans are Rube Goldberg machines.

Life. Food to poop. Itube Goldberg machines. Kind of. Humans are Rube Goldberg machines. Life. Mouth. Food to poop. It's true. Holy shit, dude. Sass went to a paint and sip yesterday. I'll bust it to you. Like, where was it?

That's what you were doing when you went to fucking. He brought a pack of crayons. The paint and sip? Just in case. Holding them. Fuck it. Rose out. It was fun. Damn. A lot of painting and a lot of Holding them. God, Crayola. Rose. It was fun.

Damn. A lot of painting and a lot of sipping. A lot of sipping. What was the reference painting? Was it nude? Was it a nude? It was nude. Yeah, dude or girl?

Reimagined the gothic, American gothic. Oh, yeah. Nude. It was tough to say. Just put some fat titties and a fat dick together. Yep. Make your own. The models that we had to draw in college for the nude still lifes made 60 an hour.

Oh, way. You got to do that? Oh, yeah. I had a three-hour class twice a week on it. How was the guy's beef? Tiny beef. No way. Yeah.

Guy? Yeah, it was a tiny. it was a sirloin tip. The dudes are exhibitionists who do shit like that. Yeah. There's no two-way, I mean, it's just, actually, I think that's textbook exhibitionism. But did his beef swell or shrink at all during? It did, you know, like when you kind of kegel and it raises a little bit.

It swells? You know, when you tense up, you can raise it a little bit. Yeah. He did that a few times. Oh, he was trying to fluff it without using his hands? Yeah.

Look my no hands? He would come during his breaks and... No way! Yeah. No, no, look at the drawings you did of him. And the first time I did it, I made his dick a little bit bigger. And he looked at me.

He knew. He knew his dick was. He thanked you? No. He was pissed. He wasn't either. He just knew. He just gave you that look?

Yeah. I know what you've done. Dick, dick, dick. This is actually hurting me. You think it's helping me, but a public representation of my dick being bigger than it seems is actually worse. It makes 60 an hour? Huh? It makes 60 an hour?

All right, KB. But you think you could stay on fucking? It's like, how do you get to that level? You have to start at, like, middle schools? Yeah. Paper machine you? They make a diorama of your dick? Oh, and your flashlight's on.

Oh. Has been all show, brother. What do you think of that hey kyle does anyone have a take on that kyle has a take because you convinced a bunch of dudes that it was a trend because you had your flashlight on your pocket and some dudes told you and you're like no that's the trend and you got a picture with all of them and all of their flash it worked no okay It worked? No. Okay. Didn't. Oh, man.

Didn't. Okay, can you do these ad reads for us? Oh, yeah. I don't have a printer. I don't print out for myself. Hold on. You should just know them by heart. I have them memorized. We have two ads in ten minutes.

Fudge. Wine Country is the best place to watch the best drivers in the world in the premiere of the Motorsports Facility. Trying to avoid us. Wait, this is the dude that is critiquing everyone's ads for like five years? Yeah. That's how it's supposed to be done? Wine Country.

Wine Country is the best place to watch the best drivers in the world at one of the premier motor sports facilities in America. Why would it be the hammer home syllable of the sentence? It's time to pass the torch. The Sonoma Valley is known for its great views, great wine, and world-class racing. It can't find anywhere else. It would actually be really cool to watch, to do anything in Sonoma. The road course dishes out 12 turns that provide unique challenge for the drivers.

How does that work? 12 turns? Personal endorsement. 12 turns. That doesn't work, right? Oh, it's not a circle then. There you go. Okay, that's different. High speed corners, left and right

turns, bumps and braking, the legendary passes that lets fans have 110 laps to take in all the action with the NASCAR Cup Series race on June 12th, which is this Sunday. Barstool's own Casey Smith, Kelly Keyes, Kahn's Large, and Spider are headed out to experience the race live in person, so you have to go watch this race on Sunday. You can still get tickets now at sonomaraceway.com, but be sure to tune in to the NASCAR Cup tickets now at SonomaRaceway.com but be sure to tune into the NASCAR Cup Series

for the Sonoma Raceway this Sunday, June 12th at 4 p.m. Eastern on FS1. That's pretty sweet. They get to go to Sonoma Valley to watch NASCAR. They're working though. They're working their asses off. Working their asses off. They probably love to stay home and be with their families but you know what?

NASCAR needs them and so you should support NASCAR as well on FS1, Fox Sports 1. Maybe stay an extra day, go to NBA Finals Game 5. Holy shit, how about fucking Hank? Hank sent Dave last night, feet on the hardwood. Were you guys with Fieri? Yeah, he's a good guy. How are you out of frame

in every shot? Dude, I have no idea. Fieri roots for the Warriors? Yeah, he's a Warriors fan. What? Yeah, he's a Warriors fan. What? Yeah. He's at their games at Oracle. He's from Columbus. He is?

I think so. Just a kid from Columbus, and he's rooting for fucking, that's Johnny-come-lately bullshit. I mean, Steph Curry's a Northeast Ohio kid. He plays for the team. Come on, Shay. Steph, you have no reason to root for the Warriors. You're from Ohio, Steph.

That's funny as fuck. Maybe he's rooting for his hometown guy, I'm saying. You think that's how it works? No, I doubt it. Yeah, maybe. But that was sick that Hank pump faked that shit. I wish he shot it. Remember when Carmelo did the same thing? Everybody fucking laughed and laughed and laughed.

What would you rather do? Shoot it and miss it, or just pump fake? Pump fake. What would be more iconic? Pump fake. I mean, shoot it and miss it, he might get kicked out of an arena.

Still, I would respect it. Would they kick him out, you think? I would respect it. I would respect that. I would like to get blocked by one of the players. That would be awesome. Swatted? I hate when they jump out and do it from under the net, though. I would respect that. I would like to get blocked by one of the players. That would be awesome. Swat it? I hate when they jump out and do it from under the net, though.

I respect it. It's petty. I do, too. Yeah. I don't know. What don't you like about it? Explain yourself. Just do it the right way.

If you're an NBA player and you want to be petty and you want to be cool, just swat it. But I think it's just they don't want to let them see it go in, so however they got to do it gets the rhythm off. You know, it's a little petty. Fair. Am I right, Jay? Russell Westbrook to the fucking Knicks. Per Stephen A. Yeah, he looked like, oh, he was going to swat it.

He was ready to swat. His head goes with the ball. That's dope. Hank would have gotten that off. He's a lefty. But he's out of bounds, though. True. Wouldn't have counted.

True. What do you think Dave said to him afterwards? Do you think Dave was like, that was sick? Or do you think he was disappointed? Just gave him the smile. He's like, ah, Hank. Built and tough. Dave was one of the first ones to tweet the video, I think.

That was Gaz, for sure. That was Gaz. That bastard Gaz What's he been doing around? Fucking You think so? Been in the city That's for sure

He's a fucking dog You can tell when Gaz is in the city There's a certain energy There is an energy He was out with Chicken Fry and O'Malley last night No He was posting Where were they?

Some bar for the C's I thought they were in Boston. No way. They probably have bottle service. Gaz was trying to get in on it. It took over the city. What if Gaz develops a relationship with Brianna the way that he has with Dave? Just like wherever Brianna's living, he's just living.

It's a house next to her in L.A. You've got to normalize that type of behavior he's just down the block you should oh you should guys should live immediately next to whoever they this is what it's like when a crush is what it's like when we go out now contrast that to kb and Hubs drinking left. Yeah. Joey Kamasta asked Hubs if he worked at Barstool. Oh, that was tough. It was the slowest attempt at a backpedal ever. Yeah, because he went to Tico's friend. And he was like, I thought I was talking to you.

If it doesn't work, he could have said, I was talking to you. He said, I thought I was talking to you. Yeah. He goes for him as a gay Spanish man. Joey was really drunk, and he was going around saying how we're all unique in our own different ways. And then he got to Hubs, and he just stopped talking. He didn't know what to say. Which is unique, though.

Yeah. That's unique in and of itself. Hubs just puts his head down and grind, dude. Tommy's always going over to his desk, calling him Huberman. Makes me laugh. That is funny. Tommy's a goofy bitch. A real goofy bitch, that

Tommy Smokes. Tommy's party. That shit's gonna be incredible. Tommy's party was incredible. The post-game at Tommy's courtyard got real dark, real fast. Yeah. Say why. Someone like killed themselves in the courtyard like last week. What?

Tommy was just like, oh, you see that sidewalk? Yeah, died right there, yeah. That's where he landed. He didn't jump out of his window. Oh, no, he did. Oh, yeah. Below their floor. And they were so casual about it.

I was like, dude, I want to get out. Yeah, there was like a lull in the conversation and he was like bringing it up like he would like say a fun fact about apples. Yeah. Oh, yeah, right there. Yeah, I want to get out. Yeah, there was like a lull in the conversation, and he was bringing it up like he would say a fun fact about apples. Yeah. Oh, yeah, right there. Yeah, where you're sitting, actually. For the video, I think he wanted to. You know, Granny Smiths and Macintosh come from the same seed.

Yeah. Wait, for real? No, that would be fucking crazy, though. Yeah. I love Macintosh. Macintosh and Red Delicious do, though. I have a Macintosh every morning. Really?

Yeah. You see me going to the doctor? Yeah, you really haven't. I have a Macintosh every morning. Really? Yeah. You see me going to the doctor? Yeah, you really haven't. I thought. The doctor, you've been warding off that doctor

like a vampire with garlic, dude. Every morning's a return of the Mac is Tommy's party. Oh, bro. Holy fuck, dude.

It was fun. No. No, everyone was supposed to be, I think, uncomfortable. He wanted that

for the video. But I think it would have been even if he tried to have a good point. Everyone was miserable. Yeah. It was perfect. I'd come back and it was, yeah.

It was too uncomfortable. It was so uncomfortable. Way too uncomfortable. No one had to act. No one did. No. But that's the kind of benefit of Tommy's sketches is that nobody has to like, you're familiar with their relationships already.

So people already know that Tommy is an awkward bastard. Please don't tell me male woman Tiff is out there. Male woman Tiff wants to fight Nick. She swung on me yesterday. She publicly claimed that she had a fake ass. No, I didn't. I don't know Tiff, and you said she had a fake ass,

and she got mad, and you said it was me because she cannot tell us apart at all. She believes it was you. No way. Now I got the fucking feds on me. What type of swing was it? She cocked the joint back. She swung. She cocked the joint

back at him. I didn't know she had a neck tat. I'm fucking with a male woman with a neck tat. Neither did I. Are you saying male people are the feds yeah kind of are 100 you don't fuck with a male even the fucking uniform is a little a little police-ish yeah male women are the original everyone steven used to fucking federal crime and he would put he would he would avoid using paying for stamps by just putting the return address

as the intended you do that it's pretty brilliant I don't actively do it but I had an idea to my grandmother does that it's smart it goes to the destination you are intending or they throw it in the trash no it always gets it's always returned

to sender it's fucked up have you done it before not more than twice okay and you put a little postage on there didn't you you didn't put any postage that's why it gets returned to center because there's no postage that's illegal uh-oh i male problem. Yeah. This male woman is about to beat the fuck out of you. Yeah, she will. She's very passionate about male. She was like waiting for me outside in front of the office. She was?

Yeah. That's how she was trying to box you? She was trying to box you in? Yeah. Let me do this other ad read. Shop our pride merch. Go to the LGBT community Center in New York. 100% of net proceeds are going to LGBT Community Center.

The collection includes out and about tees, sweatshirts, and hats. It's not a phase. Sweatshirts, tanks, tops, and tees. Pride themed designs from Spitting Chicklets, KFC, Barstool Chicago, and Foreplay. Shop now at store.barstoolsports.com Shop now at store.barstoolsports.com

Shout out sales team to get us that Barstool sponsorship. We got them as an answer. Must have been a tough sell. Shit's different around here now. What were you about to say, KB? Hopefully we don't lose that sponsor. Like we have once.

You guys lost Parsons once. You ended up getting them back. Yeah, you did lose that. You said they didn't think the demos matched up. Yeah, it didn't at all. What's everybody's favorite ice cream flavor? Coffee. Fish food.

I like Sherbert. Really? Coffee. Fish food. I like sherbet. Really? Yeah, a lot. I had a sherbet phase, but now I'm out on sherbet. It's too sticky. Whatever his stickiest push pops are, it's a good... I think that's sherbet, man. That texture is perfect.

Sherbet. Sherbet, man. But the texture it's in... Sure, okay. Yeah, you're describing the texture of Sherbert. You are so afraid to have something in common with me. It's manufactured into a cylinder, so it's a different texture. Is there an R in the back end of Sherbert?

Are there two R's? Or is it Sherbet? Sherbert. Sherbert. There's two, right? Is it for sure? S-H-E-R-B-E-T. Oh, B-E-T.

Jay, I feel like you're kind of slowing down on the prep sheets. Mostly ads. Mostly ads. It used to be a robust prep sheet of stuff we'd never talk about. Can we go bench press after this? Mm-hmm. Why do you want to do that? Just to see.

That's like a macro dosing thing bro You're stealing bitch right now I'm doing a Gay slash gay adjacent Bangers playlist If you want to send me recs What do you mean by gay adjacent Give me Give me

Give me a man After midnight That's more gay adjacent Yeah You think it is Yeah but you know what I mean It's like British or gay People who like that song

Are either British or It's a lot of overlap It's a British slash gay A lot of like that song are either British or... Yeah, it's a lot of overlap. It's a British slash gay. A lot of British houses is like gay adjacent. Why are you making that playlist? Just in case I have to DJ a pride event. Ah. Ox Chord DJ or you've been hitting the tables?

I wanted to learn the knobs. You probably could. You seem like the kind of guy that could really hunker down and learn something quickly. Forget all things else in the world and just learn everything about one specific topic. I feel like that's kind of up your alley. I feel like you could do that. Thank you. Tass, what's good with that airplane that you're folding?

Oh, this is not an airplane, bro. This is a boat. No way, bro. That was pretty much completely wrong. I feel like an idiot. Are you going to set sail on Lake Michigan when you're in Evanston? You got to go by the football facility, dude. They built a wall to keep the ocean out.

Really? Yes, dude. Very interesting. They built a wall to keep the ocean out. Really? Yes, dude. Very interesting. Marty Mush's wildest dreams came true in Evanston, Illinois.

You see my wildest dream came true in Harry Styles' album cover? What is it? You see a little bit of neck? You see his cock? No, it was a fully upside-down room. Yeah, you've always talked about upside-down. Oh, yeah, you've always wanted an upside-down room. I've wanted to nail-gun furniture upside-down to the ceiling

and just stand in there for a while. Who was the 90s singer with the big fucking... Jesus Christ. The Fuzzy Hat. That was a cool music video. You would love it, Owen. His room is spinning. Fuck. There has to be some kind of museum with that.

Where like the MoMA probably has an exhibit like that where all the shit's upside down. No. I'm pretty offended by you thinking that my idea existed before this,

but... Then what's that, dude? Is that your Miracore? You fucking beat me to the punch, dude. That's Harry. That style? Sass had MapQuest

in his iPhone notes in 04. It did. MapQuest was out in 04. No, no, no. Like a day before. Late 04? Late 04, yeah. You had an iPhone in 04. No, no, no. Like a day before. Late 04. Late 04, yeah.

You had an iPhone in 04? After Crash. I just poked a fucking hole in your story, bro. There has to be upside down rooms. Show me one. Google. We're going. We're going right now.

I know there's some place of illusion. Oh, the Museum of Illusion I used to live by. I want the room to be actually upside down. Is that Adam 22? Yeah, it is. 22, what's up, bro? Ready for the big reveal? Oh, yeah, I see your boat.

That's weird. Are we revealing the boat? Oh, shit. I was looking at Edwin thinking it was Adam 22. He's got low hips, dude. Whoa. 22? Dude, 22's got low hips.

22's the length of his jean. This is insane. Holy fuck. Oh, my God. Shit. You're pissed there's another Adam. No, me and Smitty have a fucking, we have a plan to get this Other Adam out of here Look at this

Upside down room What? Oh steps? Yeah He's probably lying with them Here KB pass this down Yeah I don't know how you photoshopped them all That quickly

Yeah It looks good This is fake Good bit But this is fake I just turned the Google upside down. Did you see how true that was? That was a good-ass plane.

Thank you, bro. Very impressive. Engineering shit is fucking on 10, dude. Oh, hell yeah. Engineering shit is crazy. You think you can engineer a better plane? Good luck, brother. Yes.

Cut it in half. Oh, fuck. Wow. Yo. Yo. Yeah. You think that's going to fly truer, though? I mean, it might fly longer, but not truer.

That was a true fly. You see how true that shit was? Yeah, it was very honest. Yeah, that was some Abraham Lincoln shit. You see how 22 leans up against the wall so people can't tell how short his legs are? I think he looks cool as fuck. He does look cool as fuck. He looks undeniably cool.

See, he always has someone block his legs. I think he's sagging. They're filming him and he just does not want to be filmed. Yeah, he looks cool. 22 on my waist. Rick Ross jeans. Half of Rick Ross. That song is a banger.

That's Zoopy filming? What up, Zoop? That's Zoopy, and then is the intern just eating a burrito in front of 22? Oh, slap that out of his hand. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What the demon? Is he eating a burrito right in front of Adam 22? Slap it out of his hand.

No. Yes. Good work, Owen. Yeah, we can't have that. Not in front of him. Not in front of 22, man. What the fuck are you thinking? What the fuck could you be thinking?

Close the door. Close the door behind you. Bring in Zoopy. Bring in Zoopy and close the door. What? No, Stu. You have a little decorum for... Why are you eating a fucking burrito?

We're scarfing a burrito in front of a high-profile Adam 22. I'm waiting on the merch shoot. What? Like, we're about to go downstairs. I was eating lunch. Why are you eating a burrito in front of Adam 22? You know what was more awkward is that? I got here in the lobby when he was here, and they awkwardly were like,

you can go in this elevator. So I was just eating the burrito. But then you were spoofed. You sat up there, and you just stood next to him. More people follow Adam 22 on Instagram than praise Allah. I feel like it probably would make him feel comfortable, right? You're on test.

No, dude, that's disgusting. You know he doesn't like fucking carnitas or whatever. Let's go apologize at least. I do not want to talk to him. Say sorry for scarfing in front of you. His girlfriend's Hispanic.

That was probably fucking a fucking thing. Yeah, I don't want to have to say a word to him. Now I'm not nervous for being in here because I was nervous eating a burrito

in front of him. Take this to the kitchen. If you were so nervous eating a burrito in front of him Take this to the kitchen Why were you eating in front of him? I thought it was a more casual thing to do You were scarfing Can we play the tape? That's a bad excuse I was trying to hurry so I could get back downstairs I've never described a burrito using the word casual

What is Edwin doing? It's the least casual food. You unhinged your jaw. You were staring him dead in his eyes while you were eating it. I'm a fan. I can't. I saw the whole shape of the burrito. I was just trying to keep my mouth closed.

Like an anaconda eating Mateo, the boat captain. Is this it? Look at you go. You look dead at him. Every bite you look at him. I didn't realize how awkwardly close I was posture way long like further away Oh, you're right there. She was like stop. Can we stop eating burritos in front of our guests Jesus Christ? You know when we had facility we're just waiting to go downstairs. Don't bring him into this

I don't know me so bring him in this Let's go. Can you can you face this back corner and eat the rest of this? Watch this swipe up for a coffee. I don't trust you to eat it anywhere else, so you have to eat it in the corner here. 22 is probably just... Pretty baller coming into the office and just doing ads. Yeah.

Ripping ads as soon as he's done. Doing cameos. Yeah. Give him his burrito back. I want to touch this. I think 22 has a piece of rice on his shoe. Ice Jack. You're just eating it here?

Look, is Lena the plug stepping on a piece of tortilla? Is the plug on tortilla? Oh, no. Is that a piece of foil? That's a pinto bean. Look at that. Oh, it's your burrito foil. It's probably wet and greasy. Dude. That's a pinto bean. Eamon. Look at that. Oh, she's going to slip on it like a banana peel. That's your burrito foil.

It's probably wet and greasy. Dude, you're a slob. You have some set of balls coming in here and eating burritos like this. I thought the rule was casual around guests. Not like that. Not eat in front of them. Come on in. You want to come in?

You want to come on in? No, no, no. They don't want to come in. Do you want to come on in? No, no, no, no. They don't want to come in. Do you want to come on in? Oh, yeah.

I don't think they do. What's up? Hey, man. What's up, brother? He just wanted to apologize. He was eating a burrito in front of

you. It's like his 10th day here. He's eating a burrito in front of Adam 22. That's bullshit. Barely, though.

He shouldn't be eating. He shouldn't be eating at all. We would have showed you with a little more respect we would never eat burritos

in front of you yeah appreciate everything you do thank you well not everything yeah cause he you no

he hates us oh he fucked with me heavy he was like mad to be called probably yeah because you ate a burrito and you were fucking I think I made him

spraying al pastor in his face dude you're just breathing fucking spraying Al Pastor in his face, dude. You're just breathing fucking carne asada in his face, dude. Are you trying to casually get rice out of your teeth with your tongue? Yeah. I'm picking it out right now. Finish what you started. I honestly thought that was like the most normal thing to do around him.

Voice crack. He just walked by. I heard him say, one of those dudes looked like Portland. Sure. Could have been any of us. Singer from Chicago. That was good. Where do you think... looked like Portland. Sean. Could have been any of us. Singer from Che. That was good. Where do you think Chris DiStefano would say you look like, Che?

I want to see him keep the joke up. Probably the Bay Area. Let's keep Cupertino. Yeah. Upper East. Let's keep lunch to just a loaf of bread from now on, or at least for a couple weeks, because... I just got comfortable eating in the office, and this ruined it. Nothing flaky, either.

I'd go with a focaccia. Yeah, definitely. For the first week, I just ate bananas from upstairs. Let's... Or at least offer him a bite. Yeah, I think you have to do something. I don't think... Or at least make yourself throw up in front of him.

I mean, that's a beige-ass meal, too. There's nothing in it. Thank you, White Wolf. Adam would want to do something. I don't think... Or at least, like, make yourself throw up in front of him. I mean, that's a beige-ass meal, too. There's, like, nothing in it. Thank you, White Wolf. Adam would want to do the fucking burrito. You're chewing right... Ew, it's better than in front of Adam. You know what? Hit the road, Jack.

Yeah. Get the fuck out of here. Go eat that. I can't bear another bite of you eating that burrito. Unbelievable. It would be awesome if you just followed Adam 22 to wherever he's going. Just keep eating the burrito. The only time he has an appetite is in front of Adam 22.

I don't know what it is about him. That's the plot of a movie. This dude keeps following me eating. It's a reverse aphrodisiac. He makes you hungry. He's still going. He's got to be starving, dude. Eat in private, dude.

I don't understand people who just eat willy-nilly in front of... He's literally parading around eating. My first two months here, I didn't even piss. You have to earn that right. Just eating. Oh, you're acting like you threw it. Unbelievable, man. The youth.

They were just sneering at him up at Ebony's desk. They're like, look, she's disgusted with him. Judging from the legs, I thought that Marty was Adam. All I could see was the legs. Oh, really? Yeah. You're saying Playboy Marty has the same legs as 22? Yeah, I am.

Same cock as well. Oh, boy. Fucking hammer. Shout out 22. Remember when, didn't someone like rob 22 live on a stream? Fake gun and he handled, I'm afraid of him because he handled that way better than any. Really? He was like last.

He was like. His whole crew, yeah, he like giggled and he smiled at the guy with a gun in his face. It was sick. It was sick. It was awesome. I'm going to be honest. The only video I've seen of him is like a gif of him putting a popsicle in his pregnant wife. Yeah, I think I saw him. Yeah, fucking.

Look at this. Oh, that's real? Yes. Somebody broke into their studio. Oh, shit. And he handles this. Fuck that. And then the guys beat the fuck out of him.

This shit happens on the act all the time. Just behind scenes. Yeah. Damn, dude, the rap game is vicious. Yeah, holy shit. Wait, they beat up the guy who pulled up on them? Yeah. That's awesome.

You think it's real? Did you just say switch, switch, switch? Is it taking turns? I thought you said Chris, Chris, Chris. Is this in front of a lyric video? They were doing like, they do like rap music submissions and reviews. Oh, and he played, he paid $60. We're going to have to come back soon.

Yeah, goddamn. Holy shit. Why didn't he shoot? It's fire. Yeah, why didn't you shoot, bitch? We're going to have to come back for all these other donations, dude. What did he say?

Come back for donations. Yeah. The donations must have gone i don't know on the live stream it could be a setup i don't know the way he was acting like they seem real yeah movements that he was making or like uh yeah it was because if you were faking it i think you'd even almost be like harder. You would like not react. Yeah, yeah, it's true. Damn, dude. 22's putting on. Didn't also 22 have those We go make him relive that moment. Yeah, let's go jump him in KFC Radio. Didn't he have the

girls come on talking about that he sucked off the Phoenix Suns or something? Yeah, yeah. That was on his show. They were talking about how they sucked off the whole squad. Sucked. I was listening to J.J. Redick's podcast with Gary Payton, and he said the players barely can go out anymore

because of all the social media. Yeah. The boys can't even get sucked off anymore. That's a damn shame. I know, dude. The boys in the 90s used to just be in the club getting sucked off willy-nilly. Not a phone in sight.

Public suck-offs. I didn't know that. You didn't know? No. NBA players used to get sucked off. Now they don't anymore. It's a fucking rough turn of events. It's a shitty-ass turn of events.

Yeah. There's no real reason to be in the NBA anymore. If you can't get sucked off at the 40-40 club, standing up on a fucking couch, should we end the show? If we get sucked, then nobody would say a fucking word about it. We could keep the show going.

I miss those days. We might just be hitting a groove right now. I think we're on to something. Nick, do some ASMR. I think it's funny. I think you like the tingles I provide. I think it's really funny when you do ASMR. I think it's funny. I think you like the tingles I provide. I think it's really funny when you do it.

I think it's funny too. All right, thank you guys for watching The Yak. We'll see you tomorrow for a Friday episode, a special, special Friday episode.

It is sexual. What should we do tomorrow? Should we do something like fun or dumb or something Big Cat's Away, you know? Yeah, the boys can play. What did Big Cat want us to do?

You guys want to roast him? The roast of Dan Katz. I did that one. Nobody tell him. I did that three years ago on his birthday. How'd it go? It was in text format. Blog.

It was two years ago. I was still here. Oh, I thought you just texted him a roast of him. I'll have to read it. What kind of shit would he not want us to do? Have fun. Root for the Packers? Yeah, we'll do a Packers show tomorrow.

Should we all get Packers gear? No, there's not time for that bullshit. Not enough time. Not enough time. We'll figure it out. We'll figure it out tomorrow on the Yak. We'll see you next time.