The Yak - Mook and Scoof are Going on a Redhead Double Date | The Yak 12-19-23

Episode Date: December 19, 2023

He called for a medicYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Yo, TJ, hold that up. Hello. Yak, rowback.com. Q-Zips. Polos. Joggers, shorts. Hoodies?

Everything. Like this one I'm wearing right here? Yeah. 20% off. Q-Zips, polos, joggers, hoodies, shorts. My it's in and out it's in and out well i i didn't talk go to roback.com promo code yak i didn't talk uh basically all yesterday went sleep early came back just did pmt for an hour and a half so i think that strained it so maybe you know i'll yak but I'll also kind of watch you guys yak because I know Titus said that he wanted to take the reins today.

Yeah. Should we booze? I'm down. Did you want to do a physical thing like a basketball? Do you want to run suicides? Let's run suicides. Che's not here. God damn it.

Well, you know, you did the three-point thing yesterday. You won. You wanted to run that back. Run it back. Show it right back. Yesterday was a roller coaster, to put it lightly. Why do you seem out of breath? Because I've been, my breathing has been laboring all morning.

I've taken like five shits. From who? Weirdo. Out of breath from shitting? Yeah. dude i've been there what happened tell people what happened yeah we taped a a henny friday christmas special uh for friday was it going to be a surprise but then it was going to be a surprise but then like i mean yeah it's it's no longer a surprise uh connor griffin went and bought the hennessy and the bottle it's not connor griffin's fault but the bottles he bought were bigger and he buys like individual bottles for everybody and these were bigger uh we also had eggnog and like we mixed it all together

and it went down a little smoother because of that you were done before most people got to the label yeah and then and then at one point uh pft joined us and pft and nick are running a two-man game and i'm i'm just sitting back and letting them cook but uh you know i i'm just slamming hennessy because like i'm letting them talk i don't know and before i it was like 30 minutes in i'm like almost done with my bottle of hennessy i've officially retired from hennessy i put out the statement today. I'm done. So I don't know what we're going to do next time for Friday. We'll think of something.

Well, I mean, that I'm back tweet will be incredible. Yeah. True. Yeah. But I'm here. I don't know if this is – I don't know if I should be here or not. You guys got just wasted?

Yeah. Some of us. Not really. Did you do drugs? No, it was just one of those nights. I mean, I had a good time. It was fine. I was wasted.

Did you wake up drunk? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Sick. Yeah. I'm pretty confident I had legitimate alcohol poisoning. Were you mixing it with something like creamy? Yeah. Eggnog. Yeah. Oh, you you mixing it with something like creamy? Yeah.

Eggnog. Yeah. Oh, you were mixing it with eggnog. Yeah, the eggnog. Oh my God. Yeah. So Friday we will have that two hour mostly sports. It was a shit, like I honestly.

Into the three and a half hour. I had a lot of fun recording it, but like if that episode is a shit show, like I have no recollection of like what. Oh no. What really went down. It's phenomenal. I have horrible anxiety

because it's going to go from that into the yak, and I'm an insufferable drunk douchebag in both. But different. Different types. What type? I was problematic yesterday. Yes. You were more sad yesterday.

You were kind of evil on the yak one, too. I was a little evil. A little bit devious. It wasn't nearly as problematic on the yak. Somebody, yeah. A lot of things cut. What you said or how you were treating others? What I said.

Oh, that's fine. Yeah. It's always fine. As long as TJ doesn't miss a single second. I feel okay. How much editing out? I said something really bad 30 seconds yeah probably about 15 minutes almost immediately yeah yeah we got 15 minutes of the of the show um yeah i i i

have just been like trying to put the pieces together and i'm trying to figure out if i yeah how how good or bad the episode was like because i i are we talking i do have that anxiety of like when you get shit-faced and you wake up the next morning and you're like, was I loud and obnoxious at the bar? Was I quiet and not saying anything? Did I try to fight a guy? I'm trying to take the sass role of the case race.

That's tough. Shoes. I was annoying. Fuck, man. It's going to be great. No, you were killing it. My brain was like a step and a half. Brandon, were you keeping up

bit-wise? You had a good joke. Yeah, Brandon was keeping up for sure. Good joke? I did okay. Good joke. I wrote it. No, you didn't. A couple weeks prior, I was like, you should use this. I heard something crazy around the office today. Oh, no. A little drama? A little drama. Uh-huh. No, don't talk. Do tell office today. Oh, no. A little drama? A little drama. Uh-huh.

No, no, don't talk. To tell. Nah. No, okay. During the finale of Surviving Barstool, there were clients that came in. A girl came from Factor. Paige took her out to eat.

She came to the finale of Surviving right didn't work for factor she snuck in had fake names whoa age took her out to eat with the rest of the team what uh page can talk more on it she told and she page contact found out who she really was found out that the girl lied to her manager that her mom was getting chemo in Dallas and came here instead. She's not from Chicago. What? I'm going to get poached. Her big pipe dream is a meal with Paige?

No. Apparently she cornered Danny Conrad to ask for an interview. Maybe we get Danny in, but I just found this all out. There was an imposter. When was she figured out? In person?

I don't know. We got to get the video. I think Paige found out during dinner. Do you remember? During dinner? We got to get both of them in here. We got to get both of them in here. Yeah.

That's kind of scary. I know. Do you remember seeing an extra girl in here? She like name dropped Factor people. She's not. I asked Paige if I could tell the story. She said as long as you make sure she's not affiliated by Factor at all. With Factor at all.

She wasn't. Yeah. All right. We're going to get Paige and Danny Conrad in here. Yeah. Holy shit. Yeah. Nutty.

All right. Here comes Paige. Hey, Paige. Paige, sit down. That's a great hat, Paige. I'm sorry, I'm sick. You got infiltrated? Oh, yeah.

We actually got all of us infiltrated. Yeah, but I figured it out. I wind up handling everything I need to handle. Do I need to wear these? Don't talk to Teej. I have to. Teej. Okay, so tell us everything.

All right, so there was... I don't want to throw any, I'm not going to throw names out there because I'm not a rat, but. Wait, no. The woman who did this is. Yeah. You can rat on that person. It was crazy. She mentally assaulted you.

Yes. So yeah, she put my brain in a blender for quite a bit. You turned the page down just a little. Mike is hot. Sorry. No, it's not your fault um basically i was told that we had a sales guy that reached out to her and she was supposed to do like everything in regards to going to the bar and like sitting and seeing everything for surviving

and so like she was fully like involved with the company. So I was like, okay, this is fine. Like, I'll handle this because, like, it's a salesperson. So she went to the bar. We actually went to dinner. And I took her out to dinner. Just you and her? It was me, her, Megan, Cindy, Joe. Oh, yeah. Wait, so wait.

Wait, start again. How did you get introduced to this person? I was upstairs. And Maggie came over to me and was like, I'm mortified. I wasn't expecting her, and I have to leave. And I was like, well, I'm going out to dinner. So she just showed up and was like, I'm part of Factor? Yes.

When you say she was involved heavily with Factor, in what way? Did she know names? Yeah, she knew a bunch of the AEs and stuff from New York. But no one else from factor was looping with her at no time so it was just her they like apparently booked flights with the new york guys and they were going to show up and like they forgot that they invited her they reached out to maggie and they were like we're so sorry can you take care of this so it was all she hit the people who did she hit up in new york uh email say jonathan and a jonathan

what's a account executive so she had someone in new york who works for us yes and was like i'm here in chicago like and they were planning on like they were supposed to have booked flights to meet her here to do like a tour of the office and go to this watch party so i was like i had a yes this is incredible so wait it gets way more wild um so she was in and everything and it's like i'm fine like i'll take you out we're gonna do dinner and then the girls are gonna go watch i'm gonna help with the production here so then while we were getting home from dinner i was like i didn't like certain things that she was bringing up at dinner in regards to personal questions like personal like getting

pretty personal and like asking about like people's lives and like we just all of us were on the same page we kind of were just like do you think she was like a reporter no i don't think i think she was just like she was she seemed more like a stoolie than a... But I was just like, this is uncomfortable. I want somebody to get on this phone with Jonathan and tell me the full story. Because this was thrown at me, and I don't want her around here if we don't... What were some of the personal things she was asking? Anything about Mook? She asked if I was single?

She asked what your wife looked like, and I was just like... That's a telltale. As soon as she did that I like shut it down and got the bill and came back And was like where's Jonathan It would be funny if she was like Is it true mook green pies But regardless You would fuck her

Yes he would That's the most sane mook fuck I don't even know what she looks like but i would yeah she's a stalker yeah so she was so i immediately was like yeah no so but when i came back she wasn't she was nowhere to be found and i was like there's just no way and i turned and danny came down and was like she just impromptu interviewed with with me what yeah what i don't i think um my name just got kind of thrown in here i talked to her for she was talking her ear off for probably like five minutes upstairs about what and then that led

to her basically asking to work for barstool this was the first time i met her too i was just with the sales people but then yeah would mookin fucked her yeah what i've yeah she was asking about you a lot your social security can i get her name yeah i got you wait so wait so she was asking about you a lot Your social security Yeah I got you Wait so She basically started like cornering you And being like I want a job It was more so Meeks I was next to the sales people and then she started talking to them

And then that led to her asking For a job and then it started getting Kind of personal she was like you were saying Asking That's creepy What else was she asking She was asking things were saying asking that's creepy personal yes what else was she asking oh my god uh she was asking things just about like people's personal lives here i guess i didn't know i i thought she worked for us at first i wasn't saying anything yeah it was creepy it was

creepy did she ever bring up business or factor no she was like bringing up my sex life oh yeah i was like this is it was so uncomfortable so as soon as like this was over dinner yes over dinner and i was just like this is like i don't like the way this is going at all and i can't tell you how many times we've steered the conversation and then i was like we got to get the check we got to be back so then i figured that out and this is where it got really wild so i immediately as meeks told me about everything i was like get people on the phone like she's at the bar and then i texted a couple people that were at the bar and i was like don't say anything i was like i don't i'm figuring out this story but

like everybody shut up like right can i regard this clarify the timeline real quick did she talk to danny before dinner after dinner after after. She already had questions. Yeah, so now I'm like, my brain's just going. And so then Meeks calls Jonathan. Jonathan's like, I'm so sorry. You can't do whatever you need to do. And then two minutes later, as I'm making another phone call, the agency that she works for calls Meeks directly and was like, she's not supposed to be there.

She told us that she was in dallas because her mom was getting chemo so as soon as i heard that how did the agency yeah wait how did she what agency reached out to you uh she i think she was with oh maggie she's in the accounting wait so how did they find out she was there? She found out because Jonathan called them. Oh. Directly to like rectify everything. Got it. And then they were like, she told us that she was in Dallas. Holy fuck.

Getting some emo with her mom. She's not from Chicago. So she just flew to Chicago and kind of tried to use this agency deal that we have in regards to sales and come in. And after that i like sat down with all of security too and i was like i don't care even if they have it that's why when you guys did the roll-up i was like you motherfuckers very soon after very soon after yeah yes um but yeah it was a wild story but needless to say she got fired and like escorted out of the bar oh she got escorted out of the bar. Oh, she got escorted out of the bar?

She got fired while she was at the barstool bar? While she was at the barstool bar. With you? I wasn't there, but I had people there that were handling it. Wait, did she say anything? No, I think she was mortified at that point, where she was getting blown up from her agency and all this stuff. I think she knew.

I don't know if she thought because she had these connections and stuff, like it would have just been fine. And she was also like a stoolie on the side and it was just going to work out in her favor and she'd have like, it was wild. Damn. Yeah. It was pretty crazy. But the whole, the whole chemo thing was just, yeah, that's when I was like, all right, that's a hell of a scheme

get this bitch out of here wow yeah so we're gonna hire her yeah yeah probably yeah so she'll be an interesting character to have around but i mean yeah what would we use her for besides being fucking teaming yeah just scheme scheme? Yeah. It was good. She held a good demeanor. She was confident as all hell. That's crazy. Did you like her at first? I did at first, but then the conversations, I was like, I'm on to you.

Do we have any security cam footage? Yeah, she was in this office. She was in the office. During the finale. Did she say hi to anyone? Danny? She was chiming in on a conversation that like between me megan and like dave like she was at a table like having a

conversation like as we were getting ready to wrap up to go to dinner she was sniffing moog's chair yeah yeah yeah at a girl why'd you guys bring this up i thought about it today yeah yeah i thought this was a... It was wild. I tried to keep it like hush-hush because I was like... And then you told me. And then I told you. But I mean, it's also good to be like, yeah, just a reminder that there are some weird

people out there. Yeah. Really weird. That's not the way to get a job here. No. Unless you're a dude, probably. Yeah, or the way to get a job here. No. Unless you're a dude, probably. Yeah, or the way to get a job here is to just respond to one of Mook's DMs. Hope the wheel hits you.

Yeah, exactly. All right. All right, well, thank you, Paige. Yeah, you're welcome. I want to know what she personally asked you. She asked you if anybody around here sucked you. Yeah, no, the personal questions were a little insane. They were sexual?

Yeah, they were sexual. Were they always sexual like there was a there was like a couple things at the table that like some of my close friends know and then once i like said something i was like fuck wait you you told her thing i said this was like when we first got there and it was like just me just like blabbing about something stupid like not it was my own personal stuff so i was just like wow whatever but as soon as it happened i was like damn she's got that story in her back pocket yeah said too much yeah but i'm not gonna tell the story but when i was up there she basically she turned the corner and she saw me and the salespeople and she was like whoops this isn't where i wanted to go and then she ended up staying for about a half hour just going off about job, how she doesn't like it there.

Is she talking about Factor? I think. I didn't even know where she worked until now, to be honest. Did she mention the 50 varieties? I don't. Well, she was like, she knew a lot about like Factor stuff and like the episode and everything too. And like everything just wasn't aligning completely for me. Like where it was like, I didn't know how legit she was and that's when i was like let me dig into this a little bit more

because i don't uh she's she was giving me bad vibes that's insane so yeah what was she asking you that was making you feel uncomfortable i didn't even know i thought she worked for us at first and she was like a salesperson in new york and then as the conversation unfolded she started talking shit about her job and then eventually kind of asked for a job and what she had to do to get in. What do you mean what she had to do? She was like, who do I contact?

Then she asked me, would you mind looking over my resume? And he said something like, yeah, I look over all of them. I saw we got some one percenters today, really good. And she's like, better than mine? He's like, yep. Holy shit. She successfully infiltrated the Barstool the bar she was also asking about everybody's title like she was

like well who's that person and what's their title and i was just like she's doing it for a rolodex yeah that's weird catch me if you can she reached out to anyone since no i actually so immediately when we got back i wanted to like creep on her to be like, all right, what's she about? And I went on her Instagram and it was like all. Oh, this is another point of the story, too. So like I could see it was public. But when we were at dinner, Megan like tagged everybody and was like, oh, I'll tag you in our story. She was like, oh, I'm shadow banned.

So I can't get tagged in stories. I she was like, I put a weird quote of about this guy that i was dating but i tell everybody it's because of a picture that me and dave took and when she said that i was like what's up i was like what's up yeah then i went back on her story like right after i found out she left the bar and she was private on everything oh yeah so i was like i'm on to you yeah but yeah it was wild it was wild. All right, I got to go. Wait, can you text one of us her name just so we could see if she's ever reached out to any of us? Yeah, I have stuff.

I'll text you it. Yeah. Can we ask the barstool bar to get footage of her getting fired at the bar? Just for personal use? Yeah. Oh, yeah. All right, I'll make some calls. This is why dudes rock, dude.

We had two random guys roll up here on Friday, and they were just like, yeah. There's some dudes that'll do it, too. Yeah. Probably more so. You think? Titus, what do you think about all this? Danny, why are you playing coy? I got lost pretty early in that story.

I only talked to her for that half hour. Like I said, I found it a long time to talk to her. But I was in the corner while she was talking to the sales people basically just going off about her job and how she was unhappy and how they're like scumbags she was holding court she was holding court damn i was just an innocent bystander all right was she hot was she hot she was pretty good looking oh wow my changed interesting that's like the love has this this whole thing has become really sexy now. Yeah. I had a stalker a few years ago.

It was like maybe like seven or eight years ago. And she showed up to an event and she was. She played catcher for softball team. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Been there. Yeah. Is any part of you flattered that you have a stalker? No. Well, no.

There wasn't even like one sliver of a half second where you're like, that's pretty sweet that someone. It's uncomfortable. Yeah. Because it gives you the willies. And you appreciate them so much for caring that much. No. Yeah.

No. I think I would feel bad. What constitutes a stalker for you though like you have to see him in multiple places yeah like if they if they try to contact me multiple times then they start showing up at different places i think that's when it right yeah that breaks the threshold has to be in person yeah it has to be like i think it's it has to be like, I think it's a combo. It's like doing stuff online and then in person showing up and being like, hey, I'm here. This girl's going to be in your front bushes tonight. Yeah.

Dude, that's creepy. It's creepy. She was just right there. I wonder if I talked to her. Maybe. Yeah, what the name? She probably stole an arm hair from you. Damn, she kind of is pretty hot.

Wait, did Paige send her to you? Yeah. That changes a lot of this. It goes from, like, creepy to... To a follow back. Okay. That's a crazy story, though. Yeah.

We do have to probably get our security tightened up. Yeah. Except on though. Yeah. We do have to probably get our security tightened up. Yeah, except on Fridays. Yeah. Yeah, well, we roll up, yeah. What else is going on, Danny? Not a whole lot. What's going on here? Who are you guys missing today?

Nobody. Nobody. This is the crew? Yeah. Damn. Sass and Roan, I guess. How's White Sox Dave? We're just taking it day by day.

Can we re-watch his Northwestern game time ad? Can you send it to TJ? Let me try to find it. Northwestern game time ad. What? He went to a Northwestern event with game time. Yes. Oh, a basketball game?

Yeah. Yeah, so these guys will have to post the game time ads on their personal then they'll send me to post on chicago and mid show and dave was obviously drunk and within the ad he goes you can go to the app store google maps wherever to find your game google maps google maps and i started getting some replies back being like i'm looking on google maps i can't find those tickets anywhere and we just rolled with it because you can't do a redo because he sent it to me the next day after the game was already done that's but that's just par for the course all of our ads kind of end up in catastrophe the the velcro wall was an ad that was an ad where dave went head first

and came out gushing blood from a velcro wall while wearing a Velcro suit. That was the best. He's one of a kind. He really is. Luckily. He is. There's probably classrooms for people. If there are multiple White Sox, there's a problem. There's a lot of him.

They have their own Olympics. I like just taking it day by day with White Sox Dave. It's the only way he can do it. Yeah. That's got to be like hour by hour. Do you know when you're going to have a good White Sox Dave day, like right away? He reaches a boiling point throughout the day.

So I don't know if you guys saw, we were having a good day, a good White Sox Dave day. Then we had to do a Franzia Friendsgiving ad. And so go figure, I was playing the server who everyone was just bashing. And at one point it was time for dessert. So I bring out a pie and Eddie jokingly goes, Hey Dave, why don't you smell that pie? We've all heard that one before, right?

Smell this cake. Dave apparently had not heard that one before, right? Smell this cake. Dave apparently had not heard that one before. So I put the pie close to his face and I juke him out because I know if I actually do it, he's going to be livid. And then everyone laughs and Rudy is like, come on, man, you got to commit if you're going to really do the pie joke. And I see Dave still hunkered over like in the position, assuming he's going with the bit. And then so I put the pie in his face and he gets livid he throws the pie across the room and it turns out he's just the one percent who's never heard the smell this cake before this is you're like describing like pissing off like a monkey

in a suit yeah like you know we're having a good day and then one little kid tapped the glass and he started throwing his rips everyone yeah yeah that's how it is what's the glass and he started throwing his poop at everyone. Yeah, that's how it is. What's the most mad he's ever been at you? The pie one was up there. Yeah? Yeah, you could see it on footage too. There was anger in his eyes. He was clenching his teeth, but he still went on with the ad.

Credit to him. You sound like a teacher's aide. He got his homework in. Well, ads is a different ballgame. You can't swear. Even with the Miller one, it's like he got his homework in still adds a different ball game you can't swear yeah even with the miller one it's like all right please don't swear and no bodily fluids is a big one next thing you know this guy's gushing out of his nose i love i love that he never heard the smell this cake like matt how does that happen how do you get that far in life i guess i guess it comes down to who you're surrounded by on your birthday every year.

Yeah. Luckily, it's not me. Yeah. Does he have a brother? Yeah, so Dave basically has a new sibling every show. He's like my half-sister, stepbrother, and it turns out he has like five siblings. We got to meet those. I want them all to be identical.

We've asked for years our white whale is getting his dad on whose name is william williams but it's just not working he won't do it he won't do it won't give us his numbers like my dad doesn't know the internet all right he doesn't even have a cell phone he doesn't have an email can't contact wait so what what what's your like easy solution when dave is having a bad day do you have like a do you have like a guidelines like all right if an animal escapes like here's what we do here's the protocol step one do this step two do that well like for the banana bread we saw that going south pretty quick so so we were like oh this is actually pretty good pretty good and it was uh you just

kind of gotta you can't piss him off right else he erupts that's it then he has to go in the cage i love the way you talk about him it's so funny i've worked with him for a while yeah i like the guy it's just sometimes it's hard keeping him contained i think he wants nothing more than to be taken seriously but all of his best moments are yes correct he wants to be taken seriously he doesn't want to be made fun of he buys shoes that are a size and a half too big so his feet look bigger uh so people think his dick is bigger yeah yeah he stops on big thing go to the clip at the end of barstool verse america the last time we did it that final challenge oh when he of him trying to walk up that slope. Oh, yeah.

Eddie took him to a shoe store once because Eddie was saying that he has a baby foot because we caught a picture of it in his house one time. Just a wide, smaller foot. He's like, no way is that a 12-size foot. He's like, well, it's 10 and a

half, but I get 12 to leave room. Eddie's like, that's crazy. To leave room for what? To sag in his shoes. So he's not stubbing his toe, I guess. Walking around with clown shoes. But then Eddie takes him to a shoe store, and he gets his foot

measured on the Brannock device, is what it's called. I didn't know. And then he was like, would you say, so he's a size 10 and a half. Would you say 12s are way too big And then he was like, would you say, so he's a size 10 and a half, would you say 12s are way too big? The guy's like, oh, far too big.

What? I'm leaving room. I went shoe shopping with him once and he got the biggest fucking Pumas I've ever seen in my life. What the fuck? That's insane. Pumas are fucking thin, too.

Yeah, no, they were flopping. Yeah. He was had, because he's short, his feet don't touch the ground, so Yeah No they were flopping Yeah Like they were He was had Cause he's short His feet don't touch the ground So the shoe was like Flopping forward He's like a flippers

He really is the best But then like you can't Yeah if you If you like push too hard Then he's like Yeah He'll kill ya Pissing off the bear

Yeah but he's the best I love him so much We are in God's country right now Evanston, Illinois. Take a look at that. See that stadium right there? Best stadium in all of college sports. It's for Northwestern Wildcats versus Purdue Boilermakers,

and you can pay these tickets too. All you would have had to do is go on to GameTime on the App Store, on Google Maps, whatever it is, and you can use promo code STOOL to get $20 off your first order if you do that too. Go get Super Bowl tickets, concert tickets, plane tickets, doesn't matter. Plane tickets.

Game time. Go Wildcats. Oh. That was great. That's what I'm dealing with. Oh, man. So, like, when you get up, you get here on a certain day. Do you know instantly if he's got it or not?

No. It's when we start the show. And if Eddie will bring up something that Dave is slightly embarrassed about like this. And it's like, all right, let's be careful. Let's put up the guardrails and not piss anyone off too much. Oh, fuck. He's so funny because his dream is to be just a respected baseball journalist yes correct yeah sorry pal the cusack one was another big one i was i was filming that and um i noticed john cusack out of the corner of my eye because

he was so disguised that he was noticeable he's wearing like a handkerchief over his mouth and he was with like a supermodel. So Dave already had this ongoing bit with Cusack that he's on the ban list because he roots for both the Cubs and the White Sox. Can't do that. And then he goes up to him and I'm filming. I'm not trying to be like gotcha because I thought Cusack was like cool. He was chill. He would go with it. But instantly he starts poking his finger in White Sox Dave's chest.

He's like, listen, buddy, I starred as a White Sox player. And then he hit him with that trivia question, like who was the – First baseman. Yeah, that was legendary. Dave, please don't even entertain that. Don't answer that because then people are going to think that you're not a true baseball fan. And then he answers it.

He answered it wrong? Yeah. He was like, I don't know. It was an outrageous question. You're right. It definitely did not determine whether or not you were a true White Sox fan. Right. The hardest I ever laughed at Barstool content was White Sox Dave introducing himself as Dylan.

Oh, yeah. We had a field day with that. Or Dylan, too. Were you filming when he had to chain himself to the stadium? No, that was a little before my time, but I came in during that saga. That was bad. That was real bad. That wasn't White Sox Dave.

That was a shell of White Sox Dave. What was his path here? What was he doing before Barstool? Logistics. Yeah. No way. Yeah, freight shipping. Was he living in Arizona?

No, he lived here. Okay. Freight shipping, yeah. His dream destination is Arizona. Oh, that way. Yeah, freight shipping. Is he living in Arizona? No, he lived here. Okay. Freight shipping, yeah. His dream destination is Arizona. Oh, that's where he wants to live. He wants to live, retire, and die there. He just wants to go to spring training games. Yeah.

Every year. Yeah. Is he in? He is. He's somewhere around here. Do we do it? Ah. Yeah.

You think it's a good day or a bad day, Daddy? It seems like a good day so far. It seems like a good day. far it seems like a good day he's pretty tame he was just blogging up there but don't blame me if it's not where did Brandon go probably to shit um

yell for him yeah let's see if he's TJ can you pull up the him going up the little tiny ramp at the end of Barstool vs America yeah Dave was like let me go Him going up the little tiny ramp at the end of Barstool vs. America. Yeah. Dave was like, let me go. Look how big his shoes are.

Dave was like, let me do this one. I'm really good at throwing a frisbee. And then he was just like, he's never thrown a frisbee before. That's Kyle. Oh, yeah. He fell on one of the Frisbees and broke it. Oh, his shoes are huge. They're too big. You can't get any. But there's one fall that he has, and he calls for a medic for this.

What did you say about this, Danny? Oh, my God. Down goes White Sox Dave. What did you say about this, Danny? It's the key we have to remember. One of the worst frisbee throws I've ever seen. Dave said that he could throw a frisbee okay. Lie. Big lie right to our fucking faces. He was like 50 yards off his first throw. Rather than changing his technique, maybe I'd just like him to do a wrist.

He was just cocking it back like a paper boy. The wind, the wind gust had been like 50, 60 miles an hour. It was super windy. The faces of windburners. He was in a tornado. And the frisbees we were using were super light and cheap. They weren't good frisbees. So anytime there was a gust of wind, that frisbee was going.

Oh, my God. You can see he aimed that way. It was horrible at frisbees. Hey, Kyle, was this slippery? Another miss. Oh, my God. You can see he aimed that way. Dave. Kyle, was this day slippery? Another miss. Oh, shit. Yeah, it was. Dave, we're just laughing at you.

Aim left. What now? Oh, my God. We're going through your highlight reel. Makes sense considering Danny's in here. I didn't start this, all right? You didn't start this. Look how – your shoes are a little too big in this one.

Those might be 13s. They were huge, yeah. Why'd you get them? I think I got them with you. I know. I shit my pants in that TJ Maxx. Yeah, you did. Yeah.

Yeah. How fast was the wind? We're done. We're not. We did not go 4-0 for this. There's KB. Here we go. Oh, he just missed it.

The problem wasn't the wind as much as how light the Frisbees were. Yeah. Kyle was doing it. He did it in like 20 minutes. How long did it take you? It was a bitch. I remember being exhausted. Yeah.

It was fucking tough. I've talked to you about this, and you're like, why do you? Yeah, you bring it up every month. It takes me a bitch. I remember being exhausted. Yeah. It was fucking tough. I've talked to you about this, and you're like, why do you? Yeah, you bring it up every month. He'll text me. What? You'll text me about it? Bring it up to me every month. He's texted me about it very recently.

It's not very recently. Can you please put it on record that that was a very difficult challenge? Because you're throwing Frisbees in and climbing out of a ball pit. You don't think that it's going to be. I was. You called for a medic after that. I didn't call it. Yes, you did.

You yelled medic. They offered it. They offered it, and I said no. No, I didn't say medic. Wait, do we have a tape of him? Yes, it's in the video. Play it. Go ahead and play it.

It was offered to me, and I said no. He's calling for a medic. Can we go? No, I didn't. He's calling for a medic. What does that mean? What does that mean? I'm like, it's injury time in wrestling. Yeah didn't know what that was for a medic what does that mean i'm like injury time in wrestling yeah you know what that means then i'm like fuck it i'm out like i'm not gonna finish this it was the next line did you quit you never no i did we won but that bothers

you so much if you did it like really well like no one would like you more. That is not the point. I don't care. The point is people don't realize how difficult it actually was. You just said it. Here we go. Here we go. What's your trip on there? What was that?

Did you jump onto it? It's like a banana peel. Oh! This didn't inspire me. It's like a banana peel. Boop. He called for a medic. He called for a medic. A medic controlling frisbees. You can go through and play the – Jeff just said you did.

He was watching you. They offered – they're like, hey, do you want a medic? And I said no. I never called for – I didn't even know we had medics to call. It's all in his hands. But wait, how did you know – What? What's the question?

But Jeff didn't say, hey, we should think about getting a medic. He said, White Sox State just called for a medic. I didn't. No, I didn't call. I don't know where he got that from. See, dude, it would be so funny if you were like, yeah, I fucking did. I needed a medic. But I didn't.

But I'm saying that would be the better option. Everybody there thought you did. It's just said to lean into. They're misremembering. It's on film. It's not on film. Alex said it and thought you did. It's just said to lean into. They're misremembering. It's on film. It's not on film. Alex said it and Jesse. It's not on film. Yes, it is.

He just said it. You don't have volume. You don't know what I'm doing when I'm saying this. I remember exactly. That didn't mean medic. That didn't mean you quit. That was me saying, hey, I'm tapping out. Video evidence is still not enough, Brandon.

What's the most mad you've ever been? No, we have headphones on, right? I had all day. I don't have that. So Danny came in because he was telling a story about this stalker that came in the office. Then we just started asking him. The what that came in the office? Stalker.

Stalker, okay. Then they started interviewing me about you. I don't know what we're getting at. What stalker? There was like some woman who Basically found a way into The surviving barstool Like finale night Okay

Yeah it was crazy Oh yeah yeah Paige was telling us a story Okay Alright yeah I remember now Yeah So And that turned into the

Me slipping on the ramp Well we were asking him About like About you Because we love you And like Do you know when it's a good day A bad day And then we just started into the me slipping on the ramp well we were asking him about like what about you because we love you and like do you know when it's a good day a bad day and then we just started going down a david rabbit hole and it was awesome i'm glad tell me about the pie your pie yeah smell this pie oh yeah that sucked it took a lot of restraint not to get up and just rip his face off that's

what we're saying we're saying that's like, you know, the monkey is a mutant. Here's one. I think I'm the only person who was ever innocent of, like, throwing a pie in the face and not being a jag off at the end of it. Like, I really thought you were going with the bit. I'm sorry. I had never heard of it. But we were in Missouri.

And we had left the Missouri LSU football game. And I think about this regularly still. Some way, somehow, Lance had to go get a camera. Danny wanted me to go with. And he was like demanding I go. I just hopped in the Uber and went to the bar. Lance went and grabbed the camera and met us at the bar. Danny just starts freaking out at me.

He's like, you motherfucker. He's like screaming top of his lungs. And I'm just sitting there like, if I weren't at a work function right now I would literally beat the fucking shit out of him See this is why it's tough talking about Dave Because he gets super personal The only reason I was telling you to go Is because it was for Stolz in Chicago

So we want a personality with the cameraman He was picking up a camera at the Airbnb There was no content to capture there well because we were going to the watch party at the bar for the whole reason we went there so i wanted him to get you going into the bar for the first time that's not what you said in the moment you just wanted someone to go with him so we could like have a chaperone basically no i went yeah yeah you went and i was like that's fine but nick isn't like part of stool scene chicago so it'd make more sense for you or chief to go. To pick up a camera?

No, for the entrance to the bar. We were all meeting at the bar anyways. What does it matter? He didn't have the camera. I love it. He's ramping up. This was all day. Two months ago.

No, I could watch this all day. Two months ago. This guy's got shit from years ago. Chief was on my side completely about this. It wasn't that he wanted me to go. It was more just how he was speaking to me. Do you think Danny does a good job? Because I feel like he's pretty patient.

He has an ego problem. He thinks he's high and mighty sometimes when he gets in one of those moves. No, I think Danny does a great job. Thank you. Danny has an ego problem? He's trying to ruffle me up. I mean, I'm obviously rehashing all of these moments. It makes me a little agitated towards Danny.

But I think you replace me with anyone you have the same problems. But do you think Danny does a good job? I think you'd have worse problems without him. Yeah, he seems very patient. I think it's a pretty easy group, I would say. Yeah, we have good times and we have some bad times that we all do. Is that not how every office ever is ever? That's a fact.

Yeah. Have you done the gauntlet yet? Yeah, I was like top ten. Duh. Yeah, you did. Duh. There's only not that many of us. Did you scale your shoe size down?

No. What are you wearing today? These are athletic shoes. I typically go 11 and a half for those. You're a 10 and a half? I wore 12, 12 and a half. There's no room at all. You are a 10 and a half?

No. If I'm buying athletic shoes, I want them tight as fuck. Like Jordans or something, I'll go 12. Can I do a toe test? Why do you do room in your shoes? Those are tight. I like because when I'm running around, I like to be tight. I don't know. What about when you're not?

Yeah, then it's loose. I don't even tie them. They're slipping on. Toe test. Is he good? Those aren't one of his big pairs, though. They were saying that you buy shoes bigger so that people think your cock is bigger. Yeah, that's exactly.

Those are like 13, right? 14. 14? You got big feet, too. Yeah. I don't know. Like the space. You're a guy who knows what he likes.

Yeah, what's wrong with it? You're being crucified for it every day. Every single my life it's messed up what would you say your all time moment is what is your career highlight at barstool sports uh does it have to be full time yeah we know the answer i mean the gum gum's best clip of all time but that wasn't full time you know how many times I said shower didn't take after that it didn't take it was the middle of June I love how every three months

we just have to and I the shower fucking didn't take they set me up it was a sabotage all the producers at WGN. Look at the gum. I think the best part is this is like an official news page, WGN,

and look at the title. It's like White Sox writer battles gum. Oh, yeah, that is your account. They know how to go for the clickbait titles too. Finally put it back in. I would bet I could be way. Wait, what was that? Shower didn't take. I could be way. Wait, what was that?

I couldn't wait. I could be way wrong here, but I would assume that that video, because of us at Barstool, like dominates their views by a large margin. Yes. Like on the video count. Yes. Did you know what was happening in the moment? Oh, yeah.

Duh. I didn't know it was going to look as bad as it did on on camera and the funny thing is they had like a girl there that was like prepping my hair for me a little bit when i got there you gotta fire that girl just don't touch it i'm like all right i didn't look she prepped that like what she prepped that yeah it's like it's just fighting to get out softball yeah and i had the gumming because That was legit. It was legit tweeting me and everything. Yeah. Bad. It's like. It's just fighting to get out. I was getting softball.

Yeah. And I had the gum in because I was so nervous because I had never been on TV for a second in my life that I'm like, I need to like liquid, get liquid in my mouth. Because my mouth is so dry from the nerves. Oh, so the gum was just sticking to your lip? Yeah. That is a tactic they teach you in journalism school is to chew gum on air. I've seen so many people do seen also that was the other part i always think i'm like this guy's an asshole when he called when he called jared payton walter payton that was i called him why yeah he's like i'm here

right now with walter payton i think i said walter payton's son because i didn't know if it was jared or jared yeah oh so you said we're here with walter payton's son yeah i for years, you just need to do, like, a web redemption to put this to bed finally. I went on it multiple times, and we did throw up web redemption. You went on Tosh.0? No. I went on their show again with Jared Payton and the other guy, and we did, like, a legit Tosh.0. We need to recreate the whole thing, like, play a game of softball shower not take no i i like lied to my old company and said i had some whatever it was doctor appointment or family shit because i had to leave work i remember i was talking to you

during the day yeah and i'm like i i have to get out of here like right now to make this thing on time so where i was working if i would ride a bike, I would get home quicker than if I took a car because of all the traffic when the office was out for the day. So it was like 95 degrees in the middle of June, and I'm like, I'm going to ride a bike because I'll get home faster. I'm like, no, I'm going to be sweating my balls off. Get in the Uber, no air conditioning. I'm like, can you turn the AC on? He's like, broken windows open. I'm sitting there like shoveling air into my face, just nervous, sweating.

Shoveling air. my face just nervous shoveling air shower and just an ice cold shower get out didn't take sweating my balls off i love that saying because it's so true when it's really hot yeah air's like shit shower didn't no no yeah didn't take got out dirtier so what i mean that's not my line though you always act that's from seinfeld i still yeah it's yours i think you yeah yeah you took it you used it yeah it's like the michael sky wayne gretzky yeah yeah well whenever i think of a shower not taking it's the gum yeah with walter payton yeah can you at least tell them the funny part about how like how you refused to sit for that interview i didn't refuse to sit you didn't want to look shorter so you're like i'm

standing i mean what is that i say that all the time as a joke it's not like i was like nope i'm not doing it like being some diva or something like that but obviously i cracked those kind of jokes all the time i didn't i did have the ipad though because i wanted something to fidget with because i didn't know what to do with my hands on air little did you know the gum would do it for you what was the context of all that? Like, what is the perfect case scenario? I just broke, like, the biggest fucking trade of the summer in baseball. It was Fernando Tatis Jr., not to brag.

Wait, so they didn't- Ken Rosenthal and everybody were citing me and all that. That is cool. They didn't give you an iPad. You brought your own iPad. No, I was just sitting there. Yeah, it was sitting there. Okay, but you chose to pick it up. What was it wanded around i don't know doodle jump yeah words

yeah that that room is very funny because you think you're in a set yeah it's just a room it's just a room you yeah yeah it was like it's a newsroom it's like as big as the basketball yeah you're standing you're in the corner yeah have you been on that program since yeah a handful of times i just said i'm in your mouth yeah i well the second time we did the weber damn machine and i went and got like a bucket of big league chewing had like a softball in my mouth um and i didn't put a suit on like i'm just coming as i normally dress and being me and they're like that's fine if you look like a slob, that's going to be on you. I'm like, all right. Yeah.

What's the other moment you were thinking of besides that one? It was Cusack, obviously. Yeah. I didn't even realize that was when me and Danny were like, like that was one of the nights we were like, boys. Yeah. Oh. Yeah.

Socks won the playoffs. What percentage of the night of nights do you like Danny? 90. 90. 95, 98. Okay. High, high percentage. Wow. you like Danny? 90. 90? 95, 98. Okay. High percentage. It's almost 2% though. It's volatile.

But it's the same thing with literally everybody on earth. I think that's the case for probably all you guys too. Yeah. You just get sick of people. Thank you. Especially when you're with them 24 hours a day. I think that's fair. I'll just cry about it when I get home.

Danny, what's your percent? But the Cusack thing, I didn't even realize that it went viral until like the next morning. He was trending everywhere. Everywhere. He was on the New York Post. Everywhere. I was celebrating.

Yeah. The team got, I mean, it was my life achievement, that one playoff game. Huge win. Yeah, Dave's attitude is directly correspondent with how the white socks are doing yeah it's very true for better or worse all my teams what's your dream they i don't have any i didn't we talk about this like yeah you don't like happiness it's not that i don't like happiness. It's that I'll never be happy. Did they miss their window?

They missed their window, right? Oh, yeah. Oh, by a long, long distance. How much time? I don't think their window even opened. It looked like it was opening a few minutes ago, right? Yeah, at that CUSAC game. And then it was just closed.

It was at that CUSAC game. Why did it close so fast? Is he trying to? No, he's not. Is he throwing the ball so I can chase it? He wants to rant. Tell him about Jerry and how many days until – Just ask him. Dave counts down the days to Jerry Reinsdorf's birthday every year.

I know what it is. Why? He turned 29 on February 26, 2024. He's 89? What do you want to happen? He has a great birthday. Celebrates 89 years of living. How does Chicago get the oldest owners and they just don't die?

He's on the team for 40 years. Yeah. I mean, Virginia McCaskey was on the Titanic. She's like 110. Who's she? One was it. The owner of the Bears. She might have been on the Titanic.

Oh, what? She's legitimately like 103. She was on the Titanic. No, I of the Bears. She might have been on the Titanic. Oh, what? She's legitimately like 103. She was on the Titanic. No, I made that up. She could have been. She's old enough. What was that, like 1917? 1912.

12? She could have been a 10-year-old. I think they're all dead. Almost. It'd have to be a baby. Did any baby survive? Oh, yeah, maybe that just works. Swam to shore.

Yeah. She's 100 years old. She's going to be 101 in three weeks. Immortal. It's crazy. The Wurtz. It's been bad. Well, the Wurtz.

Well, prior to current Wurtz, yes. But, yeah. The old, old Wurtz, yeah. Bill Wurtz. Bill Wurtz, yes. Wait, so what was your ask for him? Oh, to explain the White Sox? Well, you didn't have to explain it.

He doesn't have to explain it. I just thought it was a – because it felt like three or four years ago y'all had momentum going forward. Oh, yeah, a lot of it. Then it just stopped immediately. Yeah. It's a loser organization. Okay.

It's a loser organization. But they lied to our face. I'll just keep it short and say they lied. They said they were going to be different. They were going to be in hunts for Bryce Harpers of like bryce harper's of the world no they weren't they weren't different no they weren't they were the same what do we call you now if you're not going to be white socks dave just i got a rebrand lowercase d dave sad dave you're gonna be sad dave sad socks dave big cock dave big dave would you be big dave, I can do that. Yeah. Will you change it right now?

Kind of pot committed. Speaking of the Titanic, people ask me this all the time. I'm the captain. I have to sync with the ship. Yeah. You know? People ask you if you're – what do they ask you all the time? Like, are you – Yeah, wait.

What's the – People ask you specifically if you're – Ask me if he was on the Titanic. If you were on the you specifically if you asked me was on the if you were on the titanic and if you were the captain of the titanic would you constantly it's like david thank you walking to get coffee bakery in the morning they asked me no no dave is like like danny said like dave i've known dave a long time like the white socks being bad like negatively affects his mood to a point that like there's you can't really find a bigger fan like i think all of us get to a point where it's like if a team

sucks you can kind of almost like remove yourself and be like all right you know this is this is i'm not gonna let myself have like just bad day after bad day white socks they've just that's an abusive relationship oh 100 yes relationship why not walk away from it the bear like baseball is my first sport love football second the bears after the Trestman years I could get to that apathy point like now when they're bad I just

I found humor in it White Sox directly correlate it bothers him for the whole summer that is White Sox fans. You know White Sox. There's not a lot of us, but those of us that there are, we're super fucking high.

And if the Cubs are good again somehow, then it's double whammy. I was positive they were signing Otani. Yeah. You guys have every right to lose your minds on them. Wait, did you believe that as well? I thought they were in the running. They were never a center. I think Ohtani was always going to go to the Dodgers.

He was going to the Dodgers. Why would he come to Chicago when he could live next to the beach in L.A.? Yeah, that's crazy. They were saying he was big on camaraderie and all that. Yeah, I wish they had – I mean, they still have to spend money. But even if they do, it's going to be Bellinger, and that's just like you already had him. You don't like Cody Bellinger.

I don't. Yeah, and he proves you wrong. Why don't you like Cody Bellinger? You were wrong, Dave. I don't think that he's worth a $200-plus million investment. It's not my money. Not my money. No, I – yeah yeah but when

you look at the team they're going to use that as the excuse being like hey payroll we're at our we're at our peak we can't can't do anything sorry we got cody bellinger i think he's every bit as uh i think there's every bit of a chance that he has like a 2021 cody bellinger season 2024 as he as he does next year like repeats the 2023 season look at us doing hot stove baseball the biggest gamble with like it's all guaranteed i think it's the biggest because like a guy can go combat like 210 you have to pay him every single cent i think it's the biggest free agency sport where you're paying a lot for past yeah yeah because guys don't get because the service time years guys don't become a free agent until what 26 27 26

earliest yeah that's you go through six or seven years yeah that mean you're a pro at 19 right so like yeah like there was a whole thing when chris bryant was coming up it was you get you have to you have to you have service time and they can manipulate it so like they kept chris bryant in the minor leagues the first, like, 15 days of his rookie year. And that added another year on to win before he could become a free agent. So, guys don't become free agents until they're in their late 20s. And then they're guaranteed contracts. So, for baseball, a lot of the contracts are like you're paying for a guy for what he did.

And now you're paying for the full future where he's not even close. With football and basketball, you know to an extent how good someone's going to be with a baseball yeah free agency and football is a gamble too but at least the contract can be shorter shorter and yeah you don't you don't have to guarantee like much of it at all sometimes baseball is just if you sign that contract, you're getting that money. You could hit zero. Yeah. It's crazy. Or you get deferred. Love the baseball talk. I want to get more into baseball. Nah. I think I'm going to wait until the summer

before I get into baseball, though. It is a good sport to age into. Yeah? It makes more sense the older you get. Yeah, everyone talks about baseball dying, but people are always going to get older. The closer you get. Yeah, everyone talks about baseball dying, but I don't – like people are always going to get older. Yeah. The closer you get to dying, the more it makes sense.

Like the young people don't watch baseball, but like those young people will get old, and they will want to like do something while they're mowing their grass in their 40s. People are getting old all the time. They'll just throw baseball games. Every day. Yeah.

Yeah. The headphones. It's a September-October sport for me right now. Just checking at the end of the year. Really? Yeah. Yeah. And the headphones. It's a September-October sport for me right now. Just checking at the end of the year. Really? Yeah. Phil's, dude. Red October.

I feel like the Phillies are the epitome of that. Checking in in September-October? Checking in in September, like going fucking crazy, talking all the shit, like we are the best team. And then you lose, and you're like, whatever, football season. Exactly. You just pop in. Eagles are good. You play baseball, lose and you're like whatever football season exactly yeah just like pop in eagles are good not so baseball though i feel like yeah yeah i can tell you you how you swing a wiffle bat you played at least high school smooth stroke yeah wasn't good

but i played all my life yeah you played what kyle just did he just sprinted he just got up and out of here everyone got ibs on this show we see the cameras no i i was having chest pains so i had to leave at first but it's not like your chest pains were so bad you had to leave uh-huh what did you go do it's not like a heart attack it's like uh my actual muscles in the back of my chest were hurting so i had the back of your chest i had to go lay down isn't that just your back yeah back of my chest here um and the front of my asshole i love when the front of my asshole gets sucked and then when i when i got back i realized i should have peed while i was up because i The front of my asshole. I love when the front of my asshole gets sucked. And then when I got back, I realized I should have peed while I was up because I really had to pee.

Today's a sweet tea day. What? Well, whenever I have the sugary drink in the morning, I just pee a lot. What day isn't a sweet tea day? Good point. But are you concerned about the chest? No. Whenever I don't get enough sleep, my muscles cramp a lot.

And so I've been cramping. And the Christmas season, I'm very stressed, and I don't sleep. How's the stretch routine going? Weren't you committing to stretching? I said I'd start in January. So we'll start in January. I'll do that with you because I need to start stretching. I don't want you to do that with me, though.

Buddy system. I'd really prefer to do it. No, I'm not saying like physically with each other. I'm saying we make sure. Well, that's your buddy system. No, we make sure each other. Accountability. Yes.

You want to be my accountability buddy? I would love to. Does that mean I have to be your accountability buddy? Yes. Just one morning text being like, hey, did you stretch? What time do you get up in the morning? 6, 630. Jesus.

Okay, that's pretty good. How's your dog doing? Great. I was going to bring him in here once we got settled. You have a dog? We're settled. It's ugly. Ace. Yeah. I just... Okay. What was that noise? Dave will shock you. Dave will shock you. I've said that many times about him.

What's wrong with having a dog? He's shocked that you can keep another being alive. He's shocked that you can keep another being alive. He's shocked that you keep yourself alive. I'm shocked that I've kept myself alive. I've figured it out so far, though. I've managed. Dave has some real strength.

He'll shock you with the things you can do. Random marathon, no problem. Oh, like special strength? Special strength. No, I always say never doubt White Sox Dave when it comes to that. I was challenged. You catch a cheese ball in your mouth? Oh.

I'll try. Toss yourself or toss to you? No, cross the map. It's got to be a good throw, though. Danny, you're his boy. That was a good catch right there. You dropped that. You really dropped that. Good hands, Danny. Oh, where'd you sprint. That was a good catch right there. You dropped that. You really dropped that.

Good hands, Danny. Oh, where'd you sprint to, by the way? The bathroom. Okay. I don't think you'll be able to get there. Is that a poop emergency? What? Is that a poop emergency?

No, I upped my water intake. Oh, that's a bad thing. I pissed 100%. They're too light. They don't fly. Oh. That was good. One more.

Oh. Caught that one. Keep going until you get it. Go until you get it. Oh. Caught that one. Keep going until you get it. Go until you get it. Oh. Wait, you got to move. Your head is spasming every time you go. Oh, why?

You are. You and Yoshi. You're convulsing every time we get close. He is. All right, all right. We're going to lob it up. Lob it up. That was a really big bite noise.

Oh. That was the foul. That was the one. End're going to lob it up. Lob it up. That was a really big bite noise. Oh. End up with a poop tooth. Dave, that was at the back of your throat. Around the rim. Danny, give me one. He's going to do it for a shot. Oh, that's how you do it. Throw it like that.

Going long, Dave. I just wanted to show everyone at home that what Dave's attempting here is not that long. No, no, no. Three more. Three more. All right. Oh, we have a lot more than that. Oh, man.

Are you getting the best part? Come on, Dave. Oh, my God. You cannot leave until you get this. What is this? Why are you getting an angle? Better angle. Lick a tongue.

Oh, yeah. First try. Oh, Dave, those cheese balls are so good. This floor is disgusting. Two-second rule. Nah, it's fine. What do you think the longest in-air food-to-mouth transfer we could do is in this building? Oh, boy.

Oh, wow. We could have some fun with that. I'm really good at catching cheese. From baseline to baseline, but you have to have something you can throw that from. It'd have to be dense, but then not shatter your tooth. To kill you. Like a banana. Like a gummy or something?

A gummy bear? A banana. A grape tomato. Maybe a gummy bear. A quarter? A gummy bear you won't choke. Or you could do it from the balcony. Yeah.

Yeah, you could always do it from the balcony. Just Hail Mary cheese ball. And meatball. Meatball is good. Meatball consistency is nice. Yeah. Slingshotting meatballs. That'd be cool.

Oh, man. Apparently Chaps is bringing in a bunch of paintball gun assault rifles or something. Hell yeah. I had told him not to bring them out when Dave was here last week. Me Dave or other Dave? Other Dave. Dave 2 at the company. Red Sox Dave.

That would be great if we got Dave's email to be Dave2 at BarstoolSports.com. Oh, can we prank Portnoy? And you're Dave 1. I don't know if you like that. When you go Big Dick Dave, just naturally assume that he would be Little Dick Dave at that point. Natural progression, I guess.

He could be Bigger. Bigger Dick Dave. He could be Biggest Dick Dave. Oh, I like that. Yeah, you should be Biggest Dick Dave. Right now? Yeah. There we go. We have your new name, not socks dave biggest dick dave

can i ask you a personal question dave yeah do you think do you do you ever dream of having a family i think you'd be a really good dad i agree i cannot wait until the day that i am i i'm gonna breed a son like in 300 where they're going to breed it? Okay. I'm happy I asked this question. You know, breed him from birth to be Spartan Warriors. Yeah. Send him out to the wilderness to kill wolves and shit. I'm going to do that. To your son.

It's going to be left-handed, by the way. Taping his right hand shut. He is going to be a, like, I'm going to carve him out of wood and just create the perfect athlete. Yeah. Dave, you're not. I need to find, like, a six-footer, though the perfect athlete. Yeah. Dave, you're not. I need to find a six-footer, though, out there. Yeah.

A six-foot chick? Jane Lynch. Jane Lynch. I met her in an elevator. An elevator? You're already halfway there? Oh, let's talk. Well, well, well.

Let's compare notes. I tweeted it one time. Was she just the one, sir? You can pull it out, yeah. She didn't, by chance, happen to have a to-go food order, did she? I don't think so. Oh, because, boy, that was a disaster. You can find this. What if it was didn't by chance happen to have a to-go food order, did she? I don't think so. Oh, because, boy, that was a disaster. You can find this.

What if it was the same day? Was it in Los Angeles? No, it was right down the street from here. Oh, she's a world traveler, Jane Lynch. Was yours in Los Angeles? Mine was in Los Angeles, yeah, because I used to live out there. Yeah, and I bumped into her. It was in the Groupon building, like a 10-minute walk from here.

Why the Groupon building? I used to work in that office. Did she have hot sauce with her? Got a bunch of offices there. What did you guys talk about? Why was she there? I was like, hey, Jane Lynch. You said that to her, Jane Lynch?

I had a Groupon. She said, hey, Big Dick Dave. That's what she said. You've never tweeted Jane Lynch. Oh, no. Oh, no. Maybe he added her. Oh, no.

There's a very good chance he didn't know how to spell Jane or Lynch. Oh, no. Hold on. I'll get it. Yeah, maybe it Maybe he added her. Oh, no. There's a very good chance he didn't know how to spell Jane or Lynch. Oh, no. Hold on. I'll get it. Yeah, maybe it's at Jane Lynch. It was in like 2014 or 15. Did you take a selfie with her? Yeah.

Either way, I think you made a great dad, Dave. Oh, so that was before I ran into her. You saw her twice. I didn't tweet my story. I don't really like to talk about it. So let's all say a random word for TJ to search through Dave's tweets. You saw it twice. I didn't tweet my story. I don't really like to talk about it. Let's all say a random word for TJ to search through Dave's tweets. See what comes up. I have scrubbed it top to bottom a million times over.

We're funny ones. We're not saying funny ones. What word would we search for? Cities. Pecker. Vagina. Before we get into that, though, guys, the High Noon Game Day Pack is back. It includes limited edition fan faves pear and cranberry,

along with black cherry and grapefruit. It's made with real vodka, real juice, 100 calories, gluten-free, and no added sugar. The High Noon Game Day Pack is a fall exclusive, which means it's here for a good time but not a long time. So you can visit highnoonspirits.com before your next tailgate and find a pack near you. Go get yourself a pack. Wasn't listening, but I've been on my tangerine wave.

I'm in my tangerine era. So is that girl talking about part of my take? Oh, yeah. that like sarcasm or we can't decide no it seems couldn't either the rest of her tiktoks makes it seem to be real but this is different if you want to play it it's different than the first one where i put out a clip and everyone responded to it, she made this clip. So she must have, like, do you think she was listening to? Oh, I see.

She would have had to be a part of my team. She would have had to listen to it and then be like, gotcha. Yeah. Because we didn't make the joke. There's no evidence somebody else made a clip somewhere? I don't think so. I think they're watching you. ...whipped up in the box, and she used the F word. Yep.

Loudly. Yep. And you have to wonder, like, is that the kind of girl that we want as the face of the NFL? Nope. I don't think so. Yeah, as a father of a Swifty, I think I'm going to have to ban it now. I mean, it's disgusting. My son did actually say fuckhead the other day.

And I had him tell me it again because I wanted to laugh. And then I was like, don't ever fucking say that. I have no words. Absolutely no words for this. If I even have to explain why that was so disgustingly misogynistic and hypocritical and double standard,

I have no hope for humanity. Kelly, you're on speaker. Hey Dave, do you know that we're playing trivia right now and we've been waiting for you for seven minutes? I'm coming, guys. That's the perfect ending. The perfect ending. trivia right now we'll be waiting for you for seven minutes oh i'm coming guys hey kelly kelly it's big cat what's this what's this do you see this chick's video yeah i saw it we'll talk about it later listen i gotta play trivia right now okay do you think she's trolling that's on you that's on you for bringing the smoke you know better do you think she's trolling i is big cat getting trolled i don't think she's trolling? That's on you for bringing the smoke. You know better. Do you think she's trolling?

Is Big Cat getting trolled? I don't think she's trolling. I think that what happened here was you put yourself on the Swifties radar a couple months ago. They've been watching and listening and waiting for you to fuck up. You just fucked up a little bit and then she made the clip. How's that a fuck up? I'm not saying it's... Also, I almost did get into it.

I stopped myself because I didn't want to be all the way back in, but someone was like, this guy's daughter's just going to hide stuff from him if he's going to ban Taylor Swift. I was like, dude, bitch, my fucking son's a Swifty. That's who I was talking about in that. Yeah. How do they listen to that part?

A part of you misses it. How do they listen to that part and not realize the other part's joking? Because they want to be mad? When I said the story about how my son said fuckhead and I made him tell it to me again so I could laugh and then told him don't fucking say that again. And then they listen to that and then they hear the beginning

and they're like, they're offended by the F word. I think Brandon might be right. It's that crop of people. Yeah. Women be emotional. Yeah. Am I right? And they be shopping. Amen, brother. And they be shopping. And they be shopping. What do you think was happening with her at the time? Shopping.

You can watch some of her other videos. She was bad. I think Taylor Swift got booed at Gillette. She was upset. She was on a period, Nick. Okay. Jumbo tampon. One of the extra large I hope this gets to the Swifties

Look at this fucking pig All over the floor I couldn't even see Kyle He appeared from behind Big Cat It was the funniest White Sox save just didn't want to clean up. No, no. Oh, yeah, I could have called that one.

Was his percentage true? He's only mad at you 90? That was shocking. That was shocking. Yeah? I would say 70. Okay. Okay.

How often are you mad at him? I would say 50. Yeah. It's a nice split in the middle. He had a weird – he said that was one of the rare times where me and Danny were boys. We were boys that night. I remember it very well. And this is why I asked him the percentage.

He said, yeah, I like him about 98% of the time. Yeah, adds up. And then he'll just say he never said that. Even though you'll show him video footage. We had the video footage. Video footage doesn't count. It takes more than that. It could have say he never said that. Even though you'll show him video footage. We had the video footage. Video footage doesn't count. It takes more than that. It could have been anyone who said that.

He didn't have his headphones on, but he told me I couldn't hear what was happening. Yeah, that's right. It's a story of my life, Brandon. Live and learn. It's his world. It's really his world. How often do you go out with him socially we'll never just be like I had our home on Saturday meet up

but we're out a lot socially for this job after a watch party we'll hang out a little but I hang out with him socially he's great to drink with yeah I should start going out again but only with White Sox Dave like I'm not going out unless it's me and White Sox

Dave. You'll have stories. Catch a movie together. Only when he wants to go out, too. Never your choice. He's always out. Is he? Yeah. I was out at the bar with him last weekend. Yeah. What'd you guys get into? Played some hot hoops

at that bar with the moving basketball hoop. Oh, yeah, yeah. Darts, yeah. What is it? Hot hoops? Yeah, we played hot hoops. Where it moves back and forth? Yeah.

It's almost like a carnival game. Clover. Clover. Why is it called hot hoops? They have that at the store, I think. It's a pop-up shop? I don't know why this is breaking you boys. Yeah, it's just hot hoops.

Why is it called hot hoops? Yeah, hot hoops makes no sense. You guys ever come to hot hoops? It's a fun name for-shot, but it's... I don't know why this is breaking you boys. Yeah, it's just hot hoops. Why is it called hot hoops? Hot hoops makes no sense. You guys ever call it hot hoops? It's a fun name for an arcade-style game. Thank you. Hot hoops. It's normal. It just seems hot.

No, don't cover up for him. Hot hoops is not normal. Hot hoops. You know the hot hoops is a weird name. Is it called hot hoops? I've always called it hot hoops. Wait, but why? Does it say it?

I think the first one I ever played was maybe called... Oh, I don't know. You had an off-brand pop-a-shot? You're stuck with... That's not... Pop-a- had an off-brand pop-a-shot? You stuck with it? That's not. Pop-a-shot doesn't move. Pop-a-shot's stagnant. Is it called Hot Hoops?

I don't think so. You just call it Hot Hoops. I think I just call it Hot Hoops. Yeah. These are the questions. Jump on board. What's hot about it? Stephen Chase fucking the back of the machine.

It's just some cheap alliteration. Hot Hoops. Well, who's that guy that has the channel Hot Hoops that just does stand-ups? Like, oh. He's Hot Hoops. That's Hot Hoops? Or is that a... Oh, yeah.

Hot Hoops. Whoa. Quinnipiac. Oh, yeah. There's a saying. Offense wins games and defense wins championships. As things look right now, the Quinnipiac Bobcats men's basketball game

is going to win quite a few exciting games this season. But if their defense remains the way it currently is, a championship in the MAAC might not be in their immediate future. I like him. Despite averaging over 70 points a game in the offensive end. I have someone I want to hire. Yeah? Tell us.

The bald point guard on the team that got blown out by North Dakota State. That video was incredible. Oak Hill Christian. Yes, I didn't see that. You didn't see that video? A team lost 110-14. What do they play in? What division? They're like NAIA Division 3 or something.

Less than NAIA. There's like 80 people in the school. Yeah. It's not hyperbole to say that some of these kids probably didn't even play organized basketball. Oh, God. School has 80 people out here. Why did they let them play? That guy's not playing.

That's Stanley from The Office. I like his style, though. He's not bad on the dribble. Yeah. Yeah, this is export Jim playing. It's This Office on Friday. Yeah. Why did they set them up for this?

Yeah, why did North Dakota State play this team? It's a free win. Yeah, I kind of feel bad for the... Yeah, I feel bad. Coffee. Yo, Coffee's got some... I know. If he had a shot, it wouldn't be that bad.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Look at Coffey. 32-0. What was his stat line at the end of the game? Coffey? Yeah. That was a good pass. They lost by, what, like 89?

They lost 108-14. It was two more. Oh, man. Lane, Minnesota. They've got a few. Beautiful stroke. Usually has his feet ready. Although, in my mind, I play basketball still like Titus does. But when I actually play, I look like that. Yeah.

Yes. So. What do you want to hire him to do, KB? Yeah, you weren't even close to the three-point. I mean, it wouldn't happen. I had seven points. I finished middle of the pack. That Walker three is wet.

I finished middle. Oh, he wasn't close. I finished middle of the pack. Walker three is wet. I finished middle. Oh, he wasn't close. I finished middle of the pack. But I wasn't close. What was the winnings? I know I won. I couldn't remember what the score was. Because you had seven.

Yeah. But I didn't remember. But I had 11. Yeah. In the first round. You had 18 in the first round, and then you had 20 in the finals. Oh. Which is a lot more than seven. But you also didn't even eat your chicken. You had 18 in the first round, then you had 20 in the finals. Which is a lot more. But you also didn't even eat your chicken. You put it in your mouth.

Brandon didn't eat his chicken? He only had seven. Dude, once I got out there with the chicken, I realized, I mean, it was... I, like, actually almost choked. That's cool. I did too. But you only had seven. That was your personal choice to almost choke. I was trying my best. I just... I expected more out of you.

Oh, yeah. Well, we don't have to... That's alright. We can... We did this yesterday. This dude got bested by a drink yesterday. It's fine. We all have our strengths. That's good. Who'd you beat in the finals?

That's satisfying. Me, Hank. Big T. Big T cheated. I actually That's satisfying Me, Hank Big T Big T cheated I actually kind of came in second because Big T cheated Big T did cheat He didn't even eat any chicken Oh, Sean Marion NBA legend Sean Marion

Forgot he took part I think I technically came in second if you disqualify Big T I actually felt bad that Sean Marion got set up Yeah That's a brutal thing The chicken part was tough, too. Yeah. He agreed to just make an appearance.

He was really cool. Everyone said he was great on that. I obviously wasn't listening to the broadcast. Everyone said he was great and cool on the broadcast. And then to just pull the carpet out from under him. What were you doing during the broadcast? Oh, that's right. You were winning the thing.

I was winning the thing. Be like, Sean, now you have to do a three-point contest. Shooting was never his strength. What's this? winning the thing on it man be like sean now you have to do a three-point contest oh this shooting was never his strength what's this brandon is still working through the chicken crisper and he is absolutely gassed this man is old and he's all he's meant to do is eat chicken All right. I was worn out. Chest pains. I'm old, man.

It's over. According to Che, I only have a couple years left. Yeah. Someone commented yesterday that Che being with the office's actuary would be very funny. He should just do the entire office. He should do that. I don't know what an actuary is. I just saw the word. Oh, fuck. That's a bird, right?

They calculate all the shit. An actuary is where a bird is a bird's house? That's a nest. What is that? What's an actuary? An actuary works insurance and runs every number possible to basically quote your life. Oh, I want to get...

We should get life quoted. Oh, we don't want to do that again. Are they on record being accurate? Yes. Extremely. Whoa. Can we do like a quick quiz for Brandon online? Did I ever tell you?

Yeah, you. Yeah. After all that, the life insurance thing, it was like the most mad you've ever been at me. Did I ever tell you that I was talking to my financial planner like maybe like six months ago and he told me that legitimately they failed me because we were talking about it. Wait. Yeah. Like the life insurance people watched.

First off, I don't remember ever being mad. That happened to Mark Norman. The life insurance people watched and listened to everything I was talking about. And that's why they failed me. They failed you as a joke. No, they failed because they heard me talking about doing cocaine, doing, you know. Oh, that's how they actually take that into consideration. All that.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They were like, all the things he said, they listed all the things and showed it to the people. That's interesting. Yeah. Kyle was trying to save you. He was trying to get you to shut up. Yeah. You were like all the things he said. They listed all the things and showed it to the people. That's interesting. Kyle was trying to save you. He was trying to get you to shut up.

Yeah, you were right. I don't think I did that either. You were mad. You were mad. I was not mad. It was the only time he was really mad at me, which is actually good for our relationship. Yeah, I don't think I was mad.

That he was mad once or that he's only been mad once? Only been mad at that. Like that was a nothing burger in the grand scheme of things it's always good when somebody gets mad at you for like once yeah it shows that they can you know where the line is yeah i don't remember yeah i wanted to form that we have an emotional relationship in some way i don't have that i've never been nick's never gotten mad at me i've never gotten mad at nick so we don't have that's almost unhealthy you and i have like a barrier yeah we needed that we know each other it's true you guys should get mad at each other right now

can't do it damn it's that strong no I can't either yeah fuck what could you do to get mad yeah there's something shut up pull down my pants. Have everybody see my wink. Shut the fuck up, Mook. Pop up. Shut the fuck up. He's getting mad at you. Shut the fuck up, dude. Brandon, have you ever been mad at anybody? Mook's the only guy in here I haven't been mad at, so I was trying to.

Actually, I've never been mad at Kyle. What? I've never been mad at you either. I've been mad at you. Oh, yeah. I've been mad at you a couple hours ago. For no showing. Is there bad blood?

Oh, yeah. You told me not to come in. Yeah, I was being nice. I called you and I said. I said a lot of things. What did you sound like on the phone? Oh, you see, a little whimpery. Yeah. Did you puke this morning?

Oh, yeah. Are you in big trouble? I might be, yeah. Yeah, I might be. I called and I said, do you want me to save the show? No, I told him to go. No, this is my chance. That is what you said.

Yeah, finally this is my chance to show. Dave, was it? Is that what you said? But you're like, I'm going to show. White Sox Dave, yeah. Yeah. I'm going to show him that I'm a big boy and I'm going to run the show myself. How did it go?

I told you to go back to bed. You did tell me to go back to bed. Go lay down, dude. It was fine. It was fine. Connor Griffin's. Connor Griffin. I would have filled in, but my voice.

I asked him to fill in. He said no. Trying to save my voice. He said he was here last night shooting hoops drunk off Hennessy. Who? Connor Griffin. He was real drunk. He was real drunk. He was real drunk.

Eagles got him bad. I know, that was brutal. Yeah. What's happening? We sucked. You got backpacked. You got straight up backpacked. By Drew Locke.

I had to Google what he was doing. Is that what he's doing? I enjoyed it, don't know what it was. I felt very old. I literally had to Google, what does Drew Locke's celebration mean? And now I've been doing it to everyone, being like, how do you not know that? He did it in college and then lost and somebody...

Tom Herman. They mocked him. Yeah, Tom Herman. Where is he now? Foreign aid at FAU. Backpack. Suck it. I like it.

Yeah, I love it. I think it's secure the bag. Drew Locke has a horse car. Yeah, it was cool. And yeah i love it i think it's secure the bag drew lock is the horse car yeah it was cool and gino did it yeah speaking of connor griffin uh there's a girl and her friend they want to take me and connor griffin on a double date are you guys being fetishized i think so oh is this happening the double date so last i heard you guys wait what yeah are they twins no but hot i was talking to a girl and she was like i have a friend and she loves someone at barstool and i was like oh here we go like she's gonna and it's connor griffin and she was like he's the other redhead i think his name is connor griffin i think his name and then full name yeah so watch it be

like chaps so they came to you with this idea? Yes These two women The hunt for red What month is this? Cock blower Yeah Hunt for red cock blower

Yeah Fuck it That's an easy thumbnail for the boys he's in he's a rock can we uh get a table nearby see this red date go down yeah i mean it's gonna be hard to miss it's fascinating to see connor griffin on a date i'm pumped i'm gonna get him blacked out he's gonna write him a poem what he's connor gr, though, is the type of guy, and this is probably going to come off the wrong way, but he won't be offended because he's this type of guy. He'll end up with, like, a hot wife.

Oh, yeah. Because he's, like, he's, like, late 20s. Girls are like, oh, this guy is, like, a good guy. Yes. Stable and a nice person. He's a likable Stephen Che. Right. Yeah. right what what's the difference between the two brando big brando well connor griffin's never told me i'm gonna die of

certain death yeah so he's a likable steven che yeah i think his biggest uh hurdle will be first dates because he's weirdo yeah huge huge he also it doesn't seem like connor griffin will do a good job of keeping things private until it's time just you know like he would just straight up open with like i wear a mouth guard when i yeah right but he'll find it will when it when it clicks he's gonna find someone who like supports everything all his dreams of being weirdo yeah i don't know the extent of his weirdness, I guess. He's pretty weird. There's a – this isn't that weird, but the bar the other night,

everybody was out having fun, and it's just him standing enraptured by Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer on one of the TVs. Oh, yeah, that's a sign. He's just locked in. He's just locked in. You know, you've been to a bar. You've seen sports on TV. But, I mean, it's locked in. You know, you've been to a bar. You've seen sports on TV. But, I mean, it's – Just locked in.

That wasn't a bit? No. That's him. I thought it was at Rudolph specifically, which would make sense. He has the red nose compared to the others. But that was just the show. The whole show, yeah. He feels no shame.

Not that he should, but he's just like, that's who I am. I don't give a fuck. That's my fear with going on dates, though, is that he is so confident in who he is. He would just lead with, my favorite movie is Rudolph. He's getting ready to sing along. He's really, really locked in. He's like he's waiting for first touchdown score watching Rudolph. Fucking best.

So wait, so these girls are going to fuck both of you? Hell yeah. Would you be in the same room as Connor? Yeah. I think we'd have to be. Should we grab him? Yeah. He's definitely listening to us.

If there's four of you at a table, are you sitting next to Connor across? Yeah, I want him on my left. Okay. That's how you do it. Yeah. He's definitely listened to it. If there's four of you at a table, are you sitting next to Connor across? Yeah, I want him on my left. Okay. Well, that's how you do it. Yeah. Why? Think, right? You don't go, why not write?

I think you go guys cross, girls cross. When it's the hunt for red cock blower, you have to have your boy by your side. I think guys cross, girls cross, right? You're thinking of if it's you and your wife go out with another husband and wife, then it is husband and wife sit by each other. Cross from the other husband. In this instance, the Connors know each other.

They don't know the girls. So I think the people that know each other sit by each other. Correct. I need my G on my left. You're right. But you're still sitting next to your date, right? You go on double dates as like your couple and your friends.

But it's a square. Yeah, then you can mix it up anyway. So you're still sitting by your date. You can do any orientation. Yeah. Hey, Connor. There he is. Welcome.

You got a gun walk going? What's a gun walk? Kind of limping. Are you limping? No. Just, you know, a little bit worn out from yesterday. How are you holding up from last night? I feel fine.

You weren't hungover? No, I was a little hungover when I woke up this morning. I texted the group, like, my stomach was in shambles for the entire morning because we were mixing eggnog. You take a lot of shits, too? Yeah. Yeah, big time. And I appreciate what you said. That's exactly, like, my whole motto, by the way,

when it comes to, like, when he was like, oh, you know, don't take it the wrong way, but, like, eventually... Yeah, no, I think you're going to end up with, like, a very hot, like, wife that everyone, like, is like, she's the best. He's comfortable around hot women. Like, he's...

Yeah. Like, how he... He grew up like that. Yeah. He grew up with that confidence. Oh, you have a... No, no, no. Sister?

No. Mother? It's an ongoing bit, yeah. No, I didn't... I met your mom. She's fucking smoking. Okay. Yeah.

But yeah, I'm very much looking forward to the date. I mean, I have no idea what they look like, what they are as people. Are you blind agreed? much looking forward to the date. I mean, I have no idea what they look like, what they are as people. Are you blind agreed? Yeah, just for the story.

Have you guys ever dated someone that you suspect is a ginger chaser? I have been heartbroken by a ginger chaser. Oh. Really? Not ginger enough? Did she move on to a, did she go redder? She used me for a weekend and then ditched me. She was like, that was all I needed.

That makes sense. It was like a scratch off her list kind of thing. She needed more friends. What if you guys sat down and you were like, now listen, I'm not a ginger like him. He's going to say that. Do you take down both chicks? I don't. I hope you do.

That was a conversation that we had at the bar the other night because I was saying to myself like yeah I hope I don't let them down because I don't think I'm a redhead like you're a redhead don't worry you're not going to let anyone down maybe you can wear like a red hue sorry I don't look crazier

so if you know instantly that this is going nowhere like they're ugly or they're just not interesting people. Are you going to see the date through? Are you coming up with an escape plan? See the day through. Pay the bill. Get out of there.

I feel like he's going to be classy as fuck. Yeah, that's what I mean. He's classy as shit. I love part of it. Fuck her, make her cum. Get out of there. What do you love about first dates? I love the mystery's classy as shit. I love first dates. Part of him is like... Fuck her, make her cum. Get out of there. What do you love about first dates? I love the mystery of a first date.

That's why I was so excited when he was like, oh, yeah, there are these random people. I'm like, yeah, sure, I'll go. Like, it's just fun to see, am I going to like this person? Am I going to learn something new? Am I going to... Yeah, he's fun. I like him. He's a better Stephen Chet.

Yeah. Is a part of you kind of into, like, being fetishized? Not really. This is the first time that something like this has happened. If she was referring about me. I think I might be into you guys getting fetishized. I am too. I might jerk off.

I think I, yeah. It's hot. I like it. And look, I'm down to get fetishized. Right. I'm down for you to tell me about it. Yeah, I got you. Right.

New year? Are you guys going to do your pregame tactic, where you just invite them over your place first? I can't have any girls in my apartment. Maybe use his. I'd have to get mine in check. I have a lot of furniture I still have to set up and some cleaning I would have to do.

Yeah, don't scrap it. Yeah, just go. We got a couple weeks. You don't strike me as someone who wouldn't take care of the furniture right away. Immediately. No, it was like I got here and then immediately was at the office that same day. And then I think that kind of threw me back a lot where I should have set everything up at the very beginning.

I also didn't bring any furniture with me. I bought everything new off of Amazon. So I still have to set up. How many things do you have hanging on your walls? Right now, like four. That's more than I would have. Yeah. One of them is like an old flag from college that I really need to get rid of because it's immature.

I'm trying to get like a more mature apartment, I think. So you both are gingers. Yes. From the Philly area. Sure. This is how they got here. Huge Eagles fans, huge Philly fans. You're kind of the same person.

Brandon, they have the same name. Do you remember how Connor Griffin got here? I forgot. Chicago? Which is still as bizarre. Someone came up to me and said, redheaded Connor. And I was like, from Philadelphia? He's like, yeah.

He's like, he wants to come to Chicago. I was like, yeah, no problem. And then you came up to me like a week later. You're like, thank you so much. And I was like, oh, fuck. Yeah. I was like, yeah. But he was already with us, though, wasn't he?

He was. Oh, you thought he meant Mook? Yeah. yeah yeah i was like yeah but he was already with us though wasn't he he was but it was like you thought he meant mook yeah it was like in a weird transition phase where like he just started with us and we're like seeing who was i mean obviously you did have a time period where like five to seven people a day were coming up to you saying hey chicago yes everyone yeah i don't think i said no no but yeah that's yeah, they're one in the same. Connor, do you get nervous on dates or no? Not really, no. I feel like you're going to be good.

I think he's going to be great. Oh, yeah, he's going to be – most stats are coming from him. Like I said, I enjoy it. They might both want to fuck him. I hope they do. Connor, what jersey are you going to wear? Oh, that's a good question. Should we go double jerseys?

Let's do it. Yeah. That's one thing. I need to step up my wardrobe bad. I'm going to have to, maybe over the holidays, look into going to the mall, going to get some new clothes, something. We got you, Dan. Give him some money. When we were in Portland with you,

you were afraid to buy like a burgundy hoodie. You were just like, do you think this is much? And I was like, no, it's just a solid Nike hoodie. I wound up getting these shoes. You thought those were a little too crazy. Yeah, exactly. Those white shoes? The black check on them.

Nick convinced me that it's tradition to lick the soles of new Nikes. I forget how you presented it. I was just like, it's the only time you can lick the bottom of the shoe is when you get them. Yeah. Did you lick it? He sure did. Yeah, because he was convincing me. He played it really well.

He made me think that was a legitimate tradition. Is that a thing? No, certainly not. It should be. I would imagine very dirty. I was just like, yeah, man, before you put? No, certainly not. It should be. I would imagine very dirty. I was just like, yeah, man, before you put them on, be sure to lick the bottom. He was like, for good luck. Good luck.

Yeah, sure. I guess I have nothing to lose. What have they brought you good luck? I don't know. You're about to have an orgy with moves. These are like your like Mike shoes. Yeah, exactly. We'll have to wait and see.

They said that they specifically want to date you guys because you're redheaded though. Yeah. But it's coincidental. Halfway through the date, you should just go to the bathroom, dye your hair black, come out and see if they really like you for you or just your hair color. But this girl watches Barstool and the one person she's picked out was this one. Yeah. She was like, my friend loves someone at Barstool. And I'm like, oh, she's going to like, that's happened before where people are like i'm trying to date nick and i'm

like all right well i'll kill myself that's fine and um she said connor griffin which i'll take i'm just i love it i'm in it for the bit like for the story i don't care we'll see i'm fine with however like would you demolish Puss if you had to? For the bit. It would help the story. Yeah. It would be a better story. You guys need a post-game strategy.

Yeah. All right. Yeah, we'll – We're walking a fine line here because this is how the cream pie god thing happens. We publicized it. Yeah. When's the date? Up to him.

After New Year, right? Yeah. We were maybe going to do tonight, but you got – There's – Yeah. We both – Mostly sports after dark and, yeah, rough night last night. You don't have to be here.

Relinquish him. Relinquish him now. I'm going to be here. This is Jerry after dark. Cock blocking him. You are. Bad boss. I was going to cock block him.

I'm telling him he can go. Relinquished. We're going to do New Year. Yeah, we'll do New Year's. Make it casual before New Year's. I want to come back fresh. Yeah. Recharge a little bit. Yeah Year's. I want to come back fresh. Yeah. Recharge a little bit.

Yeah. What do you have to recharge? Everything. His cock. Yeah. His giant ginger hammer. A GGH? A GGH.

It'll be fun. I'm excited. Are you going to do like a restaurant or maybe like an activity? I was thinking like a fun bar hop. Yeah. I'm open to anything yeah what if rudolph shiny new year is on oh all bets are off have you guys heard of that movie by the way rudolph shiny new year of course we're american yeah go ahead and tell us some more

though do you not know it no i do okay you clearly are yeah yeah well no because i brought it up on mostly sports one time spinff of the classic show? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it came out in 1976. What? Nothing. Oh. But he goes around.

It's a New Year's special with Rudolph, and there's a little baby with flappy ears and everything. Oh! They hadn't heard of it. I've seen this. Yeah, and I brought it up on the show. They thought I was from another country. Like, what are you talking about?

And then all of a sudden, it's coming up on the time of year where we are about to get Rudolph Shiny New Year on TV all the time, and I'll be locked in. Connor, it's not about whether we've heard of it or not heard of it or anything else. It's more that you have a full-blown obsession. It's your passion for it. I love this.

Of all the movies to be obsessed with, Rudolph Shiny New Year. He's going to crush this thing. Yeah New Year. He's going to crush this thing. Yeah, exactly. He's going to crush this. You can watch it any time of year, though. No, because it's like you can't turn a Christmas movie on in May. It doesn't work. I heard you did your top Christmas movies.

I did. Mostly sports today. Great list. What was number one? Number one was Elf. Amen, brother. Had a lot of people mad number one number one was elf yeah amen brother had a lot of people mad which is as brandon knows the whole point of a list where where was uh it's a wonderful life was not on there oh it was two yeah whatever you put have you seen it yeah not my tempo

not as tempo what he said not as you do have some maturing to do connor i know i know i'm sure home alone on there home alone was three okay? Home Alone was three. Rudolph was two. Where was Fred Claus? Fred Claus was nine. Where's Rudolph's shiny new year? Fred Claus is on the list. That's not a Christmas movie. It's a wonderful life. Yeah, so my ten and nine were ones that

typically aren't on lists just because I enjoy them myself, but number ten was Daddy's Home 2. Jesus Christ. If you've ever seen Daddy's Home 2, it's awesome. What was number 497? Oh, oh polar express dog shit movie oh it's it's uh uncanny valley it makes you uncomfortable to watch yes it's a horrible you have daddy's home too above it's a wonderful life on your because i love mark walberg and will ferrell together okay the other guys is my favorite christmas story not on there either wow that's bullshit yeah why is the santa claus on there number five yeah why didn't you. Why? Is the Santa Claus on there? Number five, yeah.

Why don't you like your Christmas story? I don't know. I think it's more so just the fact that it's so in your face every single Christmas day. You might as well just say eight and seven. Okay. 497 Polar Express. Garbage movie. Right.

We actually did the top ten. You keep doing 490. Yes. Number ten was daddy's home 2 then number 9 was fred claus uh 8 was year without a santa claus oh yeah uh 7 was the grinch the cartoon okay not jim carrey which is a tv show yeah correct but also a classic yes uh number 6 was christmas vacation brandon hated that one because he loves christmas vacation should be Yeah, correct. But also a classic. Yes. Number six was Christmas Vacation. Brandon hated that one because he loves Christmas Vacation.

Should be number one on everybody's list. I disagree. I disagree with your disagree. I disagree with your disagree. I disagree with yours. It's absolutely number one. Okay. At worst, it's number two or three.

Huh? I have Home Alone number one, but yeah. Home Alone one, fine. Fine. But six? Yeah, no, six. It should be higher than six. Five was the Santa Claus. Four four was santa claus is coming to town uh three home alone

two rudolph and then one elf is also a very strong one yeah i don't think i don't think elf is is is one material i think home alone or christmas vacation should be one or two that's fair everybody has their own opinions. I saw an article on barstoolsports.com today saying that Christmas Vacation was actually filmed in California, not Chicago. Does that ruin it for you? Not even a little bit. It's a movie. Fake snow.

They film a lot of movies. I think I can step in on this one. That's how Hollywood works. Yeah, they film. How do you film? Well, sometimes they don't always film it on location like that and they uh well believe it or not a lot of people on the internet were upset by that yeah i think that's yeah people don't realize we're in iraq right now it's just a green screen yeah oh brandon's got a phone a friend andrew walter stanford

who is it is it dave you couldn't you don't have it in you to give him the wrong no he doesn't Stanford. Who is it? Is it Dave? You don't have it in you to give him the wrong answer. No, he doesn't have it in you. I actually want you to. Stanford, right? Give him the wrong answer. Was it wrong?

What? Oh, I thought it was Stanford. You didn't know it. I didn't know it. Oh! But it is Arizona State, right? Oh, I thought it was Stanford. You didn't know it? I didn't know it. Oh! But it is Arizona State, right? Andrew Walter? I don't fucking know.

I thought it was Stanford. I would have said Arizona State. What was it? I don't know. I gotta Google it. I think it was Arizona State. I knew it was. You said Stanford, so I went with Stanford.

Oh, shit. Why did I think Stanford? What is it? It's Arizona State. You got it? No, I didn't. I told him Stanford. Good job.

Who called? Dana. So it's just Dana. Why do I think it's Stanford? It's not one of the good ones. I don't know. Stanford just had such a string of all the... Andrew Walter is a very Stanford-sounding name.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Should we spin our wheel? Oh. Oh, no. No, no, no. We don't...

Gremlins is a Christmas movie? I mean, if Die Hard is, Gremlins has to be. I'm getting in the realm that Harry Potter is a Christmas series. No. Merry Christmas, Ron. Do they even have religion in Harry Potter? Every movie there's one. Oh, yeah.

That would be weird if they celebrate the birthday of the bankers. Yeah. The first bad guy wears a turban. Sure. He has a classic. Just put Madea's Christmas at one and tweet it out. I think there's multiple Madeea Christmases out there. I know there's multiple Medea Halloween.

Well, there's Boo a Medea Halloween, and then there's Boo 2 a Medea Halloween. Yeah, that's right. I think Christmas Vacation gave me my first boner. Okay, hold on. From what? Oh, the model? From the shit it was full?

The pool. The pool scene. Every time she comes up out of that water, I think this is time we see we're gonna see it and every time you don't i think i got closer to the screen to like try to try to get a better angle you were like connor watching rudolph jerry chase's life must have rocked for a while there he was like the most famous person in the world when cocaine was really good. Yeah, and safe. It must have been awesome. And he was a dick.

Remember when D'Angelo got topless? Yeah, the first one. Was it European or just vacation? Vacation, yeah. There was no reason for her to be topless, but she was just topless. Like in the shower, right? Yeah. Well, there's a reason to be topless.

Always a reason. I shower with my shirt on. I'd be really sad. I can't reason. I shower with my shirt on. I'll be really sad. I can't even be by myself with my shirt on. She's hot as fuck in those movies without even trying to be. Although that one, she's topless. She's a black guy, too. Is she?

Is she? She is, yeah. Would that be a deal breaker for you? Ohio State? Yeah. No. I actually think that would be kind of spicy what if she's what if she sat down and said connor griffin's kinks are all based on football really cowboys fan nah i'm not saying i

would seek that out but i wouldn't mind it yeah but like you think it could be a perk yeah i think like that game every year like penn state oh State, would be very fun to have that. Yeah, there'd be some rough sex. Yeah. What if she sat down and said, you know, I like you. I like your Eagles fandom. I like your Penn State. I know where you're going with this.

Joe Pah knew. What if she says that? But one thing I don't like is that Joe Paterno knew about the sexual abuse of underage boys for years, really. Did nothing about it. And there's still people that worship him and know how many wins he had. He might have taken a turn there, too. Connor?

Unfortunately, it's a hypothetical scenario, and I don't know if it'll ever happen. No, he knew. Well, yeah, I was talking about the girl. You can say it. He knew. He knew. Well, yeah, I was talking about the girl. You can say it. He knew. He did. We're just preparing you for the first date. Yeah.

That'll come up on the first date. Say it back to us. He knew. Yeah, come here. So what's your favorite movie? And what are your thoughts on Joe Paterno knowing? Are you cool with hiding child rape? He said, next question.

Connor throws the drink in her face. Yeah. That would be a wild first date. Would that be spicy? It wouldn't be spicy as a buckeye, but it would be spicy. Do you look for spice in dates? Not really.

It would be wild to conceive of a chick thinking that Joe Pud knew. Wild first date. Yeah. Now that's just, yeah, on my brain. Every single time I go into a first date. Do you think you could date a firecracker? What do you mean? Like a.

Actual one? Like JPP? Like somebody who's just smoking. Like a really hot. Ball of of energy really hot white girl yeah talking a lot of shit and you're supposed to back her up because you're the big strong tough guy i would never could never um i don't know i guess i could but i don't know again like it wouldn't i don't know i'm open to anything at this stage in the game i I don't care. I could see Mook with a firecracker. Yeah.

No. Yeah. I don't stand on any business. Right. Stand ten toes down. Yeah. You stand on zero business? Not like when confrontation.

Like, I don't do confrontation. Calm down, honey. Yeah, but maybe that's what she's for, you know? Maybe she's the. Oh, you're saying that yeah that that yeah i did i did throw out the scenario that you would have to defend her but i mean just like a a woman that like snaps her fingers at people yeah shit like that that could that's definitely gonna happen sassy as fuck yeah that reminds me though because when i was in a

relationship in college uh i want to throw this out to the group. Did you guys ever have like in the back of your mind, like if you went out to a bar, like the thought that if somebody like disrespects your girl, like I might have to get into a fight tonight? Yeah. Was that always? I always thought that. A fight was never far away.

Well, yeah, especially you grew up in a different generation. But like now you don't see a whole lot of fights. Yeah. But it was always in the back of my mind like yeah if a guy like does something wrong you remember there was no ford pass you get a duel at high noon yeah it was all white guys yeah i think that's always in the back of every guy's mind i loved it i love that thought like i might have to throw down even if I get my ass out of principle.

You're ready at all times. Yeah. Now I'm laid back because I'm single, but if I were to get into a relationship, like, yeah. And the scenario is what? That is some guy, like, slaps her on the ass as she's walking through the bar or something? Or maybe, yeah, it's just very rude. I don't know. Calls her a bitch.

Yeah. Now, shut up, bitch. And then you're like, here we go. Excuse me, sir. Out of principle, you'd have to do that, I think. Yeah. Yeah, would you be worried about your front teeth? That's a scenario where you would have to lay it on line.

That's the one scenario. That feels like you didn't eat a buffalo, a chicken wing, for your entire life. Yeah. We're a mouth guard when we play basketball, but you're like, I would throw down. Would you put the mouth guard in for the fight? If I had it on me, probably. Would you tell the guy, hey, before we fight, just one quick thing. Yeah, just keep away from these.

No, no, no, no, no. If they come out, they come out. That's the one scenario where I'd be like, yeah. That's a college thing. That doesn't really happen anymore, I'd imagine, right? No. Do they come out easily? No, no, no, no. They're permanent crowns. They're glued in there. But if you were to hit it at the right angle, if I were

to get knocked, if an elbow were to hit me in the mouth playing basketball, they'd fall. I think a strong move would be if you were about to get in a fight, knock your own teeth out to show you don't give a fuck. That would be good. Intimidation. Yeah, that would be... I'm adding that to the list.

Of knocking your own teeth out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If that scenario popped up, I would use it. That would rule. Yeah. How did you lose your front teeth? Playing basketball. I got stomped into the floor.

One of the players smacked your girl's ass. No, I was diving for a loose ball, got knocked away. Hustle. And then I went to push myself back up so I could go after it again, and my teammate got shoved, and his foot went straight into the back of my head as I was in, like, push-up form. Did you pass out?

You got legit curb stomped. Yeah, I got curb stomped. My teeth fell out. I actually didn't feel anything because the adrenaline was just so much at the time did you keep playing? no I had to go out not to bring up my mom again we're fine with that

I know you are my teeth fell out onto the floor and I walked over to the bleachers because there was a stoppage play and I go to my mom and she was pissed at me because we had just gotten a new mouth guard. And I had just gotten braces off. And I was like, mom, like my teeth fell out.

And she rushed onto the floor and snagged the teeth. And then we went into the trainer's room. First, I apologized to my coach for getting blood on the jersey. I said, coach, sorry, I got blood on the jersey. But I got to go to the trainer. And then we go to the trainer's room and we had to jam the teeth back into my mouth oh uh wash them off first of course but uh you have to yeah no like that's what you got to do you're the best guy on earth but they didn't stay in no so you had to do it to keep like the nerves

intact or some shit like up there i don't know what it was um but we went to the dentist afterwards and oral surgeons and they said no that was the right thing to do like you're supposed to jam it back so are you gonna die tip to any no no no no no but like you would have lost some nerves in your gums or the the roots wouldn't be intact or something like that so tip for anybody at home uh if you ever while hust hustling for a basketball, get your team. Yeah, jam them back in. Sanitarily, of course. But yeah, that was a crazy, crazy day.

Yeah, so that was how I got them knocked out. Long story short. Sorry to hear. That's all right. That wasn't really short. That's why I said, oh yeah, I guess so. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, that was my bad.

I'll work on it. Oh, it's okay. It's okay. All right. You lay off him, Brandon? I love this motherfucker so much. Why do you pick on. Yeah, that was my bad. I'll work on it. Oh, it's okay. It's okay. All right. You lay off him, Brandon? Yeah, why do you pick on Connors? God damn it. You do the same thing.

No, never. I thought we were running two man. Yeah, I don't know. I go back and forth. I'm on Connors' side, and then I'll just say some insane shit. Does your mom watch the program? No. Okay.

Yeah, keep being mean. All right. No, I've never told her directly, like, hey, don't watch. But there might have to come a time soon. She watches the Yak, though. No. That's what she told me. Did she tell you that?

Yeah. Well, she sees clips. She's like, I watch every day. She sees clips. And since I'm the one in control of the clips, I make sure that it stays maintained. She watches all the clips yeah are you putting out good clips of us just yes that's all are you gonna put out the clip when i said she was hot no yeah you have to no i'm not yeah you do carousel little boost yeah that's a

confidence boost carousel post your mom's the first picture it slides to Big Cat's video calling her hot. Do numbers. That would go off. Happy birthday, Mom. All right, let's spin our wheel. Morgan & Morgan. Oh, can you do it, Brandon? I sure can. Thank you. You're the best.

Thanks, buddy. Sticking your finger in a mousetrap is hard. Hiring Morgan & Morgan, that is easy. Morgan & Morgan is that is easy. Morgan & Morgan is America's largest injury law firm. They have over 100 offices nationwide and more than 800 lawyers. They've got over $15 billion recovered for their 300,000 clients. Morgan & Morgan has a proven track record of fighting to get you full and fair compensation.

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Is there more? Yeah, there are more. Moving your entire life to a new city. Y'all know what that is? Hard. Yeah. Submitting an injury claim with Morgan & and morgan that's easy it is easy if you're ever injured you can check out morgan and morgan their fee is free unless they win for more information go to for the people.com slash yak or dial pound

oh something thunder dial pound law pound 529 from your cell phone. That's F-O-R-thepeople.com slash yak or pound law, pound 529 from your cell. This is a paid advertisement. Was I supposed to read that part? I think I was. Yes. This is a paid advertisement. Ron Burgundy. I'm being told that Doug Winoi may have called into radio and had a 15 minute conversation on air today

Kyle what? I doubt he would do that let's see if it's his voice a Doug from Canada called into radio today and was on air for 15 minutes he was on Barstool radio for 15 minutes today

nah my dad wouldn't do that can we hear the voice? I can tell by the voice. Huh. If she's making money, it's almost... All right. Where did we get it? We're trying to find it.

It's also not her. Right. It's also... Building up suspense. I think I'll tell my wife. I think I'll take Kelly's advice. Is it? That's weird. No, I'm kidding.

That's not him. Yeah. At all. That's a younger man. Don't get us to your super off. That does suck. Well, don't do it right away, bro. I mean, it's going to be hard. Are you sure? That's impossible. You cannot say it. Bro, don't do it right away, bro. I mean, it's going to be hard.

Are you sure? That's impossible. You cannot say it. Bro, come on. What's he saying? Did he have a conversation about his daughter having an OnlyFans? Oh, fuck. That didn't sound like him

at all, but maybe it was. I'll have to ask. Are we getting him on anus next week was i'll have to ask are we getting him on anus next week i'll have to ask i think we can make that happen i'd hope your dad you're gonna be next to yeah i could try see what works it's not happening sorry guys that's i mean it has to be the hardest guest for him to for KB to book. One million percent. To turn and be like, can you please come on the podcast? It's just hard to ask.

Yeah, right. It's a hard question to ask. You'd much rather ask Christian Bale to come on the show. I would. That would be cool if we double booked Winoe and Bale. Yeah. All right, should we spin TJ? Connor, one more thing about the date. Are you into Asian girls? Yeah. All right, should we spin TJ? Connor, one more thing

about the date. Are you into Asian girls? Yeah. Okay, cool. Yeah. Oh, wow. You could have dropped that one earlier.

No. Oh. It's nice to know that he is. Yeah. Open to anything. Yeah. Yeah.

Anything. It's down for a good time. As long as she thinks that Joe Pa did not know. It's all that matters. All right. All right. Danny, thank you. Thank you.

Fun having you on. Connor, thank you as always. Thank you for having me. I think tomorrow Julian Edelman will be in. Oh, and Will will be here, and so will Delaney. So we'll do some Yak Chat in college. Edelman going to do it? Yeah.

Oh, good. Definitely. He's going to be good. Yeah. And hot. Yeah. Is that the basketball goal we're making him use? We should get him.

Oh, because he's small? He's little. Yeah, because he's a little guy. Make sure you tell him that Brandon said that. I'm going to do it tomorrow. Yeah, say it to his face. Yeah, did you waste your joke? No, I will.

I'll do it. I'll just set it up with that one for him. I'm going to do it first. Damn it. Yeah. Who can do it first? Well, you wrote it, so. Yeah, I have claim.

I've read all of his jokes. Yeah, except the bad ones. All right, see you everyone tomorrow. It's the act. It's the act. It's the act. Tune into Jerry After Dark tonight featuring the Mostly Sports gang. Bye.