The Yak - Nick Drove His High School Crush and Her Date to Prom | The Yak 8-30-22

Episode Date: August 30, 2022

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Hey Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. It's the Yak. It's the Yak. Yeah. Let's settle it with a game of chance. What kind of chance? A wheel? Let's spin a wheel. We could spin a wheel, or we could do some kind of, like,

fucking fight to the death or something. There's kind of chance involved with that. It's the Yak. It's the fucking Yak. We're back in this bitch. Kate's back in here. He walks right in. Caroline's in here, and then little S bitch Kate's back in here he walks right in Caroline's in here and then little

little Sass is also walking in here Sass is chair Sass we have to fight for this chair no Brandon don't go sit in my seat

here Sass you take your seat I'm over this fucking show anyway you take your seat I can sit in Brandon's seat bad start whatever happened in the days of the skeleton crew I'm over this fucking show anyway. You take your seat. I can sit in Brandon's seat. Bad start.

Whatever happened to the days of the skeleton cruise? Oh, man. Bad start. Bad start. Big Cat would not let this happen. It's a sad start. He did offer up the chair. Big Cat would never let this happen. Quickly.

I said you could do it. It's not easy. Big Cat would never let this shit happen. No. Should we get Tommy in here, too? Brandon needs to save his voice, though. Brandon Walker's show last night, there was a lot of throat action. Oh, yeah.

A lot of throat action. What was it called? His voice was warbling. He sounded like he was in bright eye. Yesterday, so I'm trying to save it. I'm just talking into a mic. Are you shouting, though, if you're trying to save your voice? Are you mad at us?

I'm calmly talking. I heard it was a massive success, Brandon. It was. talking into a mic. If you're trying to save your voice. I'm calmly talking. I heard it was a massive success, Brandon. It was. It was a massive success. Lower that. Stop standing. Just bring it down. Right now?

Yeah, right now. That could be a good leg workout for you. Stop. That's fucking with me. Yeah, if Brandon stumbles upon a fat, juicy ass, his confidence will be through the roof. His ego can't have it. True.

You got this, Brandon. Lefty Lucy, Brandon. Lefty Lucy with your dumb ass. Handheld? All right, this is the yak. Owen's got a box full of shit. People sent us stuff if you guys want it. What do we got?

A plug sent us. For you, KB. Oh, thanks whoever sent me the Rui card. KB gonna have that. Sick. It's for you, Ro it. What do we got? A plug sent us. For you, KB. Thanks whoever sent me the Rui card. KB gonna have that. For you, Roan. This is for you, Little Sass. Oh, that's nice. Your sweatshirt for Little Sass?

I don't think anybody else got assigned. It's a charity event. We could pick the rest ourselves. I'm a fan of that team on top. I like it. I'm a fan. Thank you. Who's Patriots, anybody?

You can just throw out the Patriots. That one's cute, Sass. Who sent these? New England Patriots one, that's probably. Can you read? Is that Elton John? No, because they didn't get anything. Don't put it on.

They can fuck them. Actually, birds. Tass, would you wear this? Yeah, of course. Would you get rid of your cowboy sweatshirt to wear this? That's too nice of a sweatshirt. He's been wearing a cowboy sweatshirt. That's been in the rotation.

It's not even a rotation. There has to be more than one to be a rotation. Is this for you, maybe? Late show? The late show? I'll take it. All right. Cute.

Oh, you're probably the world of breastfeeding. Oh, perfect. Was someone just cleaning out their closet and put this all in a bottle? Oh yeah. Owen, you're a patriot. He's a fresh fan. 96 world walk for breastfeeding. That one's pretty sick. Hell yeah. I'd wear this thing all the time.

No sweat stains or anything. Late J League doesn't fuck around. They're militant about breastfeeding. Why do you have to walk for that? Oh, hell yeah. Hell yeah. Why do you have a Patriot sweat? Size is Elton John.

What the fuck is that? XL, I think. Unless you want it. It's all you, brother? Oh, yeah. What is that? Elton John. Everybody get one?

Caroline, you can have this. I didn't get one. It's okay. Are you sure? What about you, Owen? Take this Elton John. You are so selfless. Brandon, what did you get? I have a Miami Dolphins shirt.

That ain't going to fit. Brandon, can you move your mic stand out of the way? I want that. I'm a Miami Dolphins fan. Owen's a Miami Dolphins fan. Everybody's talking at once. Everybody. Oh my God.

This is a mess. Yeah. There you go, Brandon. You guys see that David Letterman gets like canceled a lot on the internet for his old interviews?

No. I haven't. Over what? Really? The Lindsay Lohan one. That was her being crazy though, wasn't it? He's asking her questions about being an alcoholic and she starts crying.

Well, that's not on him. Every Tonight Show host has done blackface, right? That's like a requirement. Yes, that is a requirement. They also all get, I mean, I don't know. Everyone's getting canceled. Behind the blog, Kevin asked me why I was a dumb slut. Were you going to?

I was saying that if you're on the internet, 20 years later you getting canceled. Behind the blog, Kevin asked me why I was a dumb slut. Were you going to? I was saying that if you're on the internet, 20 years later you get canceled. It's just the rules. Did Kevin ask you, Kate? Oh, why I was such a dumb slut. Which is fair. No, he didn't ask me that. He didn't?

He could have. But you were pregnant in his defense. Yes, I was. That was pretty slutty of you. And dumb, too. Have I mentioned that yet? I have a son. This circular setup is throwing me off.

No, no, no, no, no. I want... Turn up the vibes. You should get more people in here. We should go double Z's in the seats. Yeah, let's quake the pool. Everybody get a seat. Brandon, do you want to sit on my lap?

X'd and find a seat, partner. You want to sit on my lap? Text and find a seat partner. You want to sit on this little thing right here? I'll break it. We used to do whirlpools in my Uncle Jim's above ground pool at Drexel Hill. And we would go so fast that he'd come running out screaming, you're going to break the walls of the pool. That's how fast we'd get it going. God damn.

Above ground pool. It'd be sick if we could fill this room with a few feet of water. I think we could. I think we could. I think we could. Like in the shape of water when they have that they fill the bathroom up with water. I haven't seen that movie. Really? Do you have to see it? I haven't.

It'll kind of let you explore your sexuality in a whole different way. I saw a mermaid pussy in the lighthouse. Yeah. How about a mermaid dick? Wait, is that what happens in the lighthouse? Yeah. It's a big old mermaid pussy. It is a huge. Half Wait, is that what happens in the lighthouse? Yeah. The big old mermaid pussy. It is a huge, like half the body is pussy. It's the bottom of the fin?

It's pretty much the whole, like, it's like a foot long pussy. Half the torso is pussy. Is it all labia? I mean, this isn't a thing, so some guy just invented that. He was like, this is what a mermaid pussy is going to be. I bet you there's some lore.

There's some ancient sailor drawings. The lore started somewhere. It originated with some guy. It was like, this is what a mermaid pussy is going to be. EJ, can you Google first mermaid cooch? But where would the entrance be? For the mermaid? Yeah.

Where do you enter the mermaid? Where's the fish's pussy? That's a great question. I think they just face fuck. Yeah, that's what's so hot about them. enter the mermaid? Where's the fish's pussy? That's a great question. I think they just face fuck. Yeah, that's what's so hot about them. They have to use their mouths, right? I don't think they face fuck.

Brandon, how was last night for you? It was very good. Thank you, Kyle. How did the show go? Did you miss Sling? I do not. Are you allowed to say, of course not? I didn't have to take any breaks. The call board was full the whole time. It was very good.

The chat was active. It was rapid fire. The boys were talking to me. You can go back and watch it. You can go back and watch it right now. I could go watch it, yeah. You can go watch it right now, yeah. Why were you acting like you actually did hard work, though?

You were just talking. I was just talking, but my voice gave out. I didn't have a voice. Why? It was excitement? I don't know. I talk a lot on Mondays. I go pick Central Yak, Unnecessary Roughness, something else, and then I did that, and my

voice was just done. Damn. That's a lot of talking. Your voice sounds good, though. You'd be a good woman. Yeah. Got him. I don't know how.

Yeah, what's your beef with Tico? Oh, man. You're not as afraid of her, I think, as you should be. Should I be afraid of her? Fuck yes. Why? You know what? I feel like she fights.

Physically? Yeah, I think so. I can take Tico. Is that known or is she just present as a fighter? She's fight presenting. You see Tico? She's thin. I can take her. No question. Kyle, are you just present as a fighter? I don't think she's fight presenting. You see Tico, she's thin. I can take her.

No question. Kyle, are you just saying why to everything? Why do you think she can fight? Because I think the people that are antsy to fight can fight. Women, it's all about how bad you want it. Sure. It's just about who grabs the hair first. Who scratches.

It's mostly about wingspan. Yeah, it does come down to wingspan. Wingspan is huge. Who do you think has a bigger wingspan, me or her? She's got a crazy wingspan. You have an albatross's wingspan. You also have a good wingspan. Yeah, I did jump the jump ball in my high school,

in my Christian homeschool basketball team. But I think that I could take Tico. Okay, there you go. I feel like she's going to be so wild. She's going to be throwing things that I could take Tico. Okay. I feel like she's going to be so wild. She's going to be throwing things that I could really maneuver a little bit more strategic. All right, ball's in her court. Did she text you?

Honestly, if Tico's here right now, bring her in, we'll fight. You're not about it. I know Tico's not here. That's why I say that. You're not about it. I'll fight Tico. She'll be here.

I'll fight her. In a sanctioned match? She'll be here on time. fight her. In a sanctioned match? She'll get here on time. No, in the parking lot, which we don't have. But at the playground, you know, high noon. Yeah, yes. Not the drink. Dude, I don't think you're about it.

I'm 1,000% about it. Damn. Have you gotten into a fight before? Definitely. School bullies? Yeah. School bullies. Yeah, school bullies. Yeah. What about Grace O'Malley?

Do you think that you could fight her? She's trying to fight. That I cannot. Why? Because she's the Mick O'Malley. And also, I'm on her team. I'm her biggest fan. You don't want to fight your heroes.

Why would I fight my hero? So you're on a different team. Everyone wants to fight your heroes. Why would I fight my hero? So you're on a different team. Everyone wants to fight, yeah. I mean, if Grace the Mick O'Malley, my hero, was like, I want to fight you, then I would do it. Everyone is trying to fight. Pat's trying to fight against Dana. Well, everyone just seeing that it's relatively easy

when the other person also doesn't. When the other person also doesn't know how to fight. Right, right, right. Like Coach Duggs. Yeah, like the risk reward is safe. What did you think of Coach Duggs'

boxing, KB? I was impressed with him for, you know, training, cutting the weight, and I wasn't impressed by the

fight, but I don't think he could have done any more given the time allotment. So, yeah, props. That was a diplomatic answer. Have you guys ever been in a fight?

I got beat up by RJ Kearns. That's tough. Yeah. Damn. Fifth grade. We each got a tin of Yu-Gi-Oh cards. I got a holographic time wizard. He was jealous, bent it.

I swung, beat me up. Oof. How many punches did he punch on you? I think he hit me with a five combo. I think you need to connect on the first swing. I didn't. Yeah. I kind of just pushed his shoulder back,

which is just like supernatural movement for a man. And yeah, then he just... What an archaic time, because diagnoses and mental health just wasn't a thing growing up. So you're saying that people would just beat the fuck out of someone who just would have been diagnosed hard? You're thinking of all these kids that would run amok, and you're like,

now, in retrospect, yeah, they should have been diagnosed and in a different school. Are you talking about the bullies or the bullied? Just random kids. There was no no like, we didn't know any illnesses or ailments. They should have put them in the crazy bin. Everyone was just running amok. Yeah, and like

having like a fucked up home situation wasn't like no one had sympathy. It was just like, you're fucking weird. This guy's weird. He needs intervention immediately. The smelly kid on the bus, we're all like, ew.

I'm like, actually, I live in poverty. Oh, we didn't know. We couldn't conceptualize poverty. I forget who I was talking to the other day. When were you aware of being in a nice house? Because I don't think I was aware until I was like 14 of what a nice house. Money bags. I went to a birthday party in middle school and the first sign was that she had a circle driveway like a circular driveway

with like a fountain in the middle not a nice fountain but like a fountain and then they had heated floors in like certain parts of their house and then they had like a movie room and i was like what is this i didn't like going to kids' houses like that, though, because the parents always were fucking awful. Nobody had a movie room where we were. It was a TV room. No,

it was just that. Did she? You didn't have like the, they had like nice. Nah, I know, I know you didn't. I know you,

I know you brought that up on purpose. Who else? Brandon, when was your first time in a nice house? Do you remember it? Still waiting on it. No, but when I was looking for houses last spring, there was a house in Starfall with a movie room, and it was out of my price range.

I thought I wanted to buy it just for the movie room. It's such a good- How far out of your price range? Because we have a slush fund. It was out of my price range then. Ah. But that's such a great... I would never have a movie room.

Yeah. It's an incredible thing to have. For the movie room, do we think projector? And rows of seats. Rows of seats, but is it a white wall with a projector? Do you get a projector screen? Do you have a TV? A screen.

Curtains. Mine was the first time I saw a sectional couch. I didn't know they could twist and turn. Yeah. I thought those boys were straight as an arrow. Damn, you found out they're not straight at all. I didn't think we had the tech. The way we judged houses back then was the size of the TV.

Oh, yeah. Those big 52-inch stand-up TVs, if you walked into a house and there was one of those, you were in the nicest house. How about the backyard? The backyard is a big tower. Oh, you. Those big 52-inch stand-up TVs. If you walked into a house and there was one of those, you were in the nicest house. How about the backyard? The backyard is a big tower. Oh, you're right. It's TV and backyard.

It's TV and backyard. It's pooled as the pool of a diving board, slide, maybe some sort of like- Yard where I come from doesn't matter. I think you can judge by foyer. Right. Brandon has, everyone has yard. Everyone has yards. The poorest people have the biggest yards.

Yeah, smaller house. I grew up in an above-ground pool world. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? I didn't know pools could go underground. Yeah, I didn't know. The first time I saw one, I was like, you guys, your pool is sinking. You guys are poor.

You guys are poor. Your couch is all twirled up. That's a short-ass pool. That would be so funny. How about the multiple fridges? That's not working hard enough. Multiple fridges? Multiple fridges.

A fridge in the kitchen. A basement fridge if it was stocked with popsicles. And ice cream treats. It was never like a white or a stainless steel fridge. It was always like a weird rust color. Yes. Super old. Yellowed. I feel like those were more of a quality of like a weird like rust color. Yes. And it was gross. Yellowed.

I feel like those were more of a quality of people who had like eight kids. Yeah. Like a ton of kids. They just didn't have enough room to jam all their food into one refrigerator.

Where I grew up, we had the house and then we had a separate like room with a big door where you would park your car in there. I don't know if y'all ever- Chicago?

Yeah, Carport? Yeah, I have no idea. Car Hole? We didn't have a name for it. Which big car Car Hole? We didn't have a name for it. We didn't have a name for it, yeah. Damn. I love the Chicago, the detached garage that they turn into bars and hangout areas and stuff.

I love that shit. A little back alleys. Yeah, that's... Still in everything. Back alleys at your house? Yeah. That's exclusively Chicago. Trying to buy drugs at your house?

I mean... Yeah. Yeah. I would. Ron, I would. Ron, I think you're right. It was very late in life that I even understood class. It's crazy. I really think that it's like 13 or 14, but I just wasn't aware of it or I wasn't thinking about it. What was it for you?

I went to a friend's house. It was my freshman year of high school, we went to this dude was like a doctor and he lived next to where like T.O. used to live or something T.O. moved in next to him and he had this like massive house like with like

indoor like walkways and we were like throwing his cat off like six stories yeah landing on his feet I was like this is rich shit

yeah I don't care if the animal dies like yeah just get another yeah just get multiple cats they probably got a bunch already ready to go. Yeah.

Just like have a surplus. Nick, Kyle, Rowan, you all went to Catholic school, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You think uniforms played a factor into that? I think uniforms were bad. No, I know. For not learning class, you don't see what they're wearing in school.

Also, Catholic school students are generally all middle or upper. It's harder to tell what they're doing. Yeah, it's like I think there should be some sort of label that you have to, it's like a scarlet letter. Right. For poverty. I mean, it's sad, like, the kids will wear the same clothes every day, and they just let them do that. You're talking about kids with uniforms? Public school.

Oh. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's a tough look. But, you know, it's sweet that you don't even notice it for a while. What are people even basing it on I guess just who's funny like you don't care

who's funny that's all I cared about it's not like when you were younger all you cared about when you went over to someone else's house was like

does the mom give a fuck if you eat all the snacks or not yeah like do you have good snacks then I don't care what your house is like you ever go

parents and me getting snacks right yes you ever go over to a kid's house where he's like don't eat the snacks that shit would have over to a kid's house where he's like, don't eat the snacks? That shit would have never done that.

I mean, he's so angry. Like he's saying because he wants to keep all the snacks. I had one kid and he'd be like, these are for school. Oh, yeah. I'd be like, fuck you, dude. Let me have a juice box.

Let me rip it. Yeah. These are for school. The kid who grew up in the organic household. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And Franklin. That was me.

He loved crazy beds. How about an organized pantry? Like just an organized pantry in general is kind of crazy to me. Yeah, it's, I don't know. That kind of shows, I think that's on the poorer side. You have to see how much is left. If it's jam-packed, messy, they don't give a damn. My cousins used to have an organized pantry,

and I would just post up in that thing. You would? Yeah, it was a walk-in. A walk-in? I would just chill in it for hours. Do was a walk-in. I would just chill in it for hours. Do you see walk-in fridges now? There's super nice houses that have walk-in fridges. Those are restaurants.

I'm talking about a finished floor of stone or something like that. Not one with a sealed door. It's really nice. You don't have to post up. I can't even handle the beer cave at Sheetz. Oh yeah, it's too much. If I't even handle the beer cave at Sheetz. Oh, yeah. If I got locked in here, this would be hell.

If I'm in a beer cave, I don't know what it is. I always am adventurous in there. I never get the beer I want. No, no, yeah. I do exactly what it is about beer. I'm going to die if I don't want. I was doing cocaine in a beer fridge in Maniunk one time, and some dudes I knew walked in. No way. You got cocaine in a beer fridge in maniunk one time and some dudes i knew walked in

no way you got caught in the fridge oh yeah i was i was just chilling in there with my boy mike and fucking these two other dudes walked in and they like just lined up with us fuck yeah it was awesome dude i'm never gonna have a real job in my life so it's cool to tell those stories oh yeah well we're good That's a good, I'm not on that level yet. I'm not either. I want to tell my story. I don't even know what beer. I think that you just have to claim addiction

and then you're in the clear. Right, right. Like Aaron Rodgers. Well, I was, we were doing rails in the bath, in the fridge. It was a blast, but I was addicted.

Yeah. It wasn't okay what was happening. I was just, it was very recreational. It was the most fun night of my life, but it was addicted. Yeah. It wasn't okay what was happening. I was just, it was very recreational. It was the most fun night of my life, but it was a problem. I was different back then.

Zaha, what were you about to say, Zaha? So by us, the telltale sign is like the number of maids and gardeners that they have. Yeah, like a cleaning lady.

So like if you're poor, if you only have one maid. So for example, I went to high school with the son of the minister of mines at the time. He was the minister of mining. Them motherfuckers had six maids for the house. Oh, man.

Six people just taking care of it. Now, Zah, is it one of those situations where the extremely poor are across the river or street from the filthy rich? Something like that. Yep. That's how it's designed, pretty much. So the nice neighborhood, you usually get like a nice, you'll get a nice area, nice neighborhood, a major road, then right across the road is like a township.

Yeah. Brandon, he said, oh, you heard him? Yeah. You sure? He said it was a nice neighborhood and he was talking. You know, he'd be talking. I nannied for a family that had four nannies here in New York. Damn.

One live-in. Did you compete against the other three? Oh, I beat the shit out of them. Like I'm going to beat the shit out of Tico. I'm just kidding. But I, no, I was the fun nanny. So like I picked them up from like school and like. The other three also thought they were.

I was that the fun nanny. Okay. Well, I was. It just sounds like your job. I was like cocaine in the beer fridge. Yeah. Not like a regular nanny. Yeah. I was like the fun nanny? Okay, well, I was like cocaine in the beer fridge. Not like a regular nanny. Yeah, I was like the cool nanny. I wasn't like the other nannies.

I would make them dinner. I would make them, yeah. I'd do their homework with them. I'd do it for them, honestly. They bullied me a lot. But there were four nannies. One live-in. One cooked.

One cleaned. But they were like all nannies. Like all taking care of the kids at the same time, and one fun one. That's the dream mom. Guess the mom's job. Guess the mom's job. The job description, the fun nanny?

Yes, guess the mom's job. Mom was like on a board of some charity or something. Okay, any other guesses? I'm going to say she was a stay-at-home mom. She was a stay-at-home mom. What a whore. God. That's the dream.

And the moment I realized how wealthy they were, the little girl was throwing away stuff in the trash. And she was telling me, like, you have to recycle. It's good for the turtles, whatever. But she was throwing away plastic and trash all in the same trash thing. Ben, and I said to her, hey, you know, you have to recycle too. And the other nanny goes, hey, they actually have somebody who does it for them. Oh, digs through their trash

yeah and recycles for them that's absurd I have like an old Asian dude on my block who does the same thing really yeah true this person's on their payroll

yeah that's insane none of us have brothers like do you have brothers Brandon no right wow I have a brother you guys have brothers

the girls have brothers the sisters have brothers that's why we found each? The girls have brothers. The sisters have brothers. That's why we found each other. Yeah. We needed brothers. We needed brothers. Did you guys ever go to a kid's house who had brothers when you were younger and they would like beat the fuck out of each other?

It was awesome. That shit would be, like I remember being mind blown. They would never beat the shit out of me. Trying to want it. Trying to kill each other. My best friend's brother would beat the shit out of me. Really? His name was Timmy. He was about three years older. And he would just beat the hell out of me.'s brother would beat the shit out of me. Really? Yeah. His name was Timmy.

He was about three years older. And he would just beat the hell out of me. Older brother scared the fuck out of me. I wanted to be friends with him way more. Yeah. I'm having my friend's older brother come chill with me. Lucas. He lives in Philly.

Lucas is? Probably still going to be scared of him. Dude, he just was like, I'm coming to New York. I was like, you can have my bed. I don't think you lose that. No, it's just a thing. And I'm coming to New York. I was like, you can have my bed. I don't think you lose that. No, it's just a thing. And I'm like significantly taller than him. Yeah.

Yeah. I gravitate towards younger brothers for sure. For real? Yeah, you do. I don't know. I always wanted to impress the older brothers. Yeah. Yeah, me too.

Never could. It becomes more like visibly embarrassing when you can't recognize the age difference. Oh, yeah. Like he's two years older than you. Yeah, we're just the same. You're just puckering up to him, yeah. It is sweet that you could just get, you could just beat the shit out of someone else's little brother back in the day.

That is fucking awesome. I do feel like groups of older brothers would like rove our neighborhood like Lord of the Flies. Yeah. They would take over your basketball. We're all older. Yeah, they're all older brother. They put the baseball card in the bike and you could hear them from a mile away like, they. Yeah, they're all older, brother. They put the baseball card in the bike and you could hear them from a mile away. They're coming.

You grew up in the 50s? I did. They would steal a nickel from me for the picture show. I love a good soda fountain. Soda jerk. I don't think I ever got beat up by an older brother, but I remember getting smothered with a pillow and screaming.

That's much worse. Yeah. Like screaming my lungs off. No one could hear you. Not at my own house. No one could hear you. Mortifying. That's something I look back on and I'm just like,

I hate myself. For screaming when you were getting attempted murdered? Well, it's one of those things where if you stay calm, it's actually like you're fine. I'm still being smothered by people. You're getting smothered staying calm. You ever get your head pushed in the snow? Yeah.

RJ Kearns did it to me. Scream when that happened to? RJ Kearns sounds like the worst fucking person in the world. No, no. He was going through a lot. You had a bad childhood. No, no. This was just guys having fun.

Sounds like it. I let them do it because I wanted the boys to have fun. I wanted them to have fun with me. You wanted to be funny later in life, and you knew that you needed to get bullied to get that requisite trauma. I never hear the stories about you on the giving end of all that, but I know those exist too. Were you a bully?

People hit me up sometimes and are like, Sass was my high school bully. I got that once. There's no way. I got that once from somebody. Multiple times I've had that from men and women. There's no way. I didn't talk to anybody in high school. That's probably how you did it. You froze them out. I might have done that. Do you have friends from high school? Yeah.

Those are my brothers. I did try to fight. I was going to say I've never been in a fight, but I tried to fight my friends in high school all the time because they were so mean to me. And I'd try and beat the fuck out of them. They would just laugh. My friends made me DD on my 21st birthday. Oh, my God.

They apologized to me like once a month. That's so bad. You like Dungeons and Dragons, though, you don't? I know. Well, no, I wanted to DM. No, yeah, I brought like a bottle of jaeger it was my 21st and then they just drank it all they're like nick you never drive i'm like i didn't say a word and then didn't you drive the girl you want to take to prom you took her to prom

but her and her date you just dropped them both off that's brutal that's so bad I asked her to prom and she was like oh yeah we need this this is perfect this is great this works out really well so you went out to the bar I'm gonna be making out

with this dude in the back more time to was that was it did you know as soon as she got in the backseat

no what did you find out when I asked she was like I have a date but like you can like we need somebody to bring us

and we lived in the same neighborhood, so it was easy. Show fire. That is so bad. I don't feel bad for you. No, I don't either. That's on you. I know how you fuck these days. No.

You can spank kids again in Missouri. Oh, yeah. For real. Spanking has stands. you can like spank kids again in Missouri students spanking has stands every time it's brought up and people get so defensive you don't have to be that big of a proponent of it it's like similar to the student loans thing where people are like well I paid my loans stop saying that word it's so

gross like I was spanked and look at me now did you ever have to pick a switch applying to tweets oh yeah now i think about it every day what was your technique for picking switches i would try to get one with a lot of leaves on it oh it wasn't all stick but they always figure it out they just take the leaves off now it's all stick and that's fresh stick i also got spanked did y'all get spanked in school by the principal or anything no but i remember my school my elementary school that was still a thing it

was still very much a thing. I did, but I was at home. They weren't allowed to physically punish us, but I remember once I got in trouble and Sister Kathleen just made me take

all my books home. So I just had a heavy ass bag. That's brutal. Yeah, they were just really inconvenient. They were just like, you have to take everything home. Do you guys ever have to

hit the erasers? Oh, that was just a thing. That was just a chore. You had to do that at school? I was a nerd, so I was like, oh, I'll do it. Nobody else would. Like, one more time with a teacher? Yeah.

Did you guys ever have the belt where they take out the belt and they go? Oh, yeah. No, we are not. Never got the belt. Past that time. But you got the belt. I got the belt. I got the belt.

You got the belt in school? But at home. A wooden paddle. Really? Am I wrong, or is the paddle significantly less painful than belt in school? But at home. A wooden paddle. Really? Am I wrong or is the paddle significantly less painful than... The paddle seems worse. It's worse. The paddle's meant for ass magic.

I think you were just in a sorority. I feel like since it's wider, it would be less... No, it has holes in it to allow the air to go through it. Oh, yeah. So they're strategically building those now. They're building them for... I got paddled in the seventh grade. All the way up to when I was... You had pubes the same time you were paddling? I didn't say I had pubes. I said I in the seventh grade. All the way up to like the... You had pubes the same time you were paddling?

I didn't say I had pubes. I said I was in seventh grade. Has anyone ever fight back? I sprouted my first in seventh. Mine was like, embarrassingly, but it was like the ninth. I was late. That's fine. Not embarrassing.

It's not embarrassing at all, babe. So they pulled out your ass cheeks? No, you just had to bend over and grab your ankles. What? They were smacking hoes. They were sm ankles. What? They were smacking hoops. They were smacking gooch. They could have clipped a ball. There was like an echo.

Hello, hello. That's crazy. What was your transgression? I mean, this happened, I don't know, I probably got spanked 20 times in school. So a lot. A lot of stuff. Just like talking? Talking, acting out, you know, cutting Carla Sanders' hand with the scissors when she turned and tried to grab paper.

And I was tired of that bitch. Well, that seems reasonable. Yeah, you tried to fucking stab someone. All I did was cut where the paper was. She put her hand there. Oh, I see where Tommy gets it. That's a very Tommy-ass response. Yeah, it is what it is.

You've got to reintroduce the paddle. To Tommy? Yeah. I think Tommy would beat the shit out of me with that paddle. Did anyone ever fight back? He would hit you with the Jackie Chan move and flip the gun on you.

No. Nobody ever fought back. I mean, that would be a losing proposition. Well, there's more of you than them. Stage a coup. Fair enough. that would be a losing proposition. Well, there's more of you than them. Stage a coup. Fair enough. If you organized. Fair enough.

But you can never organize because you're turning on each other so the other person can get paddled. Who is that, like, when you were, like, a teen or older, you drove to someone's house and fought them? Oh, that was Jonathan Melton. Tell us a little recap. I was a senior in high school, and he tried to fight me in gym class. And I said, we're not going to fight in school. We'll get in trouble. And at 3 o'clock, I drove to his house on Torbert Drive, and I took my guy.

What's the house number? I don't remember, but it was a yellow house. Okay. What's the street number again? I don't remember the house or the street number. You said the drive. Torbert Drive was the name of the street. But I drive out there, and he's got his friend Michael there,

and I got Hal Thompson with me. Oh, you each had a friend. Got Hal Thompson? Is Hal going to be like, I have your back and you need me? I feel like you want a Hal. Yeah, Hal Thompson. Hal was a tiny boy. Were you planning on utilizing Hal, or you're like, I got this myself?

Was it Hal, or was it Kim? The tiniest boys were the toughest. Adam Hammerquist? He's a fighter. Fastest kid I've ever seen. Yeah, he was fast. Yeah, so it might have been Kim Britt Britton and Hal showed up to watch. Anyway, I got in his yard

and I beat him up and then we left. That was it. Did you listen to a song on the way back in the car? No, but it was a Friday night football game. It was Friday. We got to go to the game and I got to take my victory laps and people heard about it. It was fantastic.

Before phones, how did people find out? They just found out because Hal was there and i watched and how went over somebody's house and he told somebody it was it went crazy told someone he got whooped no no how did you what jonathan melton got what how was his side it was really kind of cheating because i was six five like 180 i was very skinny but he was like five three like i knew i was gonna win going in oh shit brad didn't you say this the first time around telling this story i knew i was going to win going in. Oh, shit. Branton, you didn't say this the first time around. You're still telling this story? I knew I was going to win.

He's four years younger than you. Was it like 5'3", or was he 4'9"? Like 5'3", could be 4'9". He wasn't an intimidating guy. He was not a big guy. He tried to fight you, you said. He came after me, yeah. Is this his house?

No, that's not Torbert Drive at all. That's not your house. Yeah, it is. He came after me. Why? No, that's not Torbert Drive at all. Yeah, it is. That's yellow. It's on Converse then. It's on the back side. Okay. The far right. Do you have any permanent damage? Converse wraps around right there. In the thing.

In the Google Maps. It's just him laying on the ground. There's like a child. It's a literal child. It's just him laying on the ground. There's like a child out there. It's a literal child. It's all the way. It's all the way. I could watch this.

One more. Now turn. It's that one. That house? Extra sale. You should buy it in spite of that. The house is gorgeous. And you should buy it. I like that.

He doesn't live there for like 20 years. He moved out shortly after. Brennan killed him in the fight. He was a son of a Church of Christ preacher, and they were only there for for like 20 years. He moved out shortly after. Brennan killed him. He was a son of a Church of Christ preacher, and they were only there for a couple of years. They tend to bounce around. Buy it and bulldoze it. Look at that circular driveway.

Is that what you're talking about? Yep, a little bit rich, a little bit fancy. I need a documentary on how people respond to getting their ass beat. Because I think there's nothing more aside from tragedy tragic or nothing more traumatic that could happen what would your like a street fight or like no just like a you fight no like a street like a or like a non-organized fight like in school oh i used to get your ass beat in the locker room and you humiliated funny really yeah yeah you just turn to jokes you say ah that's okay no i think i would just uh i didn't i only got beat up just by rj kearns but like three

times did you say like thank you afterwards like how do you end the fight oh you run it's human nature when the walloping's done you know know. Or you sprint down the hallway. You were definitely a bully. No? Not a verbal bully? Not at all. He was like a behind-the-scenes bully. Yeah.

No one knew he was a bully, but he was definitely pulling elaborate schemes on people. He was getting the bully to do work. Yeah. Ghost writing pranks. Never, never. He was throwing shit in the school. Rowan's laying in the grassy knoll

as another kid's getting beat up. Yeah. No, I. Doing shit in the school. Rowan's laying in the grassy knoll as another kid getting beat up. Yeah. I was very nice in high school. Then I got to this company. Turned into a real son of a bitch. It does. You're just not a good person anymore. Not you directly.

Well, yeah, but... Me especially, but I mean, everybody has it. Everybody's just narcissistic, you know, out foristic, you know. What's a fucking asshole for themselves? You know, self-aggrandizing, hubris riddled. I watch my own Instagram story more than anyone else.

Of course, of course. I'm up to. Caroline, you bullied me out of my seat today so you could talk about your stupid little podcast. Well, I love the sound of my own voice because I'm a narcissist. And so you could go listen to my podcast that came out today. Can you take us behind the name of the podcast? Yes, it's called PB and Slay. It stands for Pussy Boss Slay. Pussy Boss and Slay.

That's okay. Why Pussy Boss and Slay? Those three verbs? Yeah. Yeah. Two nouns. You're bossing and you're slaying. Okay.

How do you use pussy as a verb? Yeah, pussy nouns. You're pussying, you're bossing, and you're slaying. Okay. How do you use pussy as a verb? Yeah, pussying. Hard. Being pussy, it's like a state. Yeah, it's a state of mind. But what if it was CB and slay? You know, if I had thought of that, that's pretty good. That's your name.

Yeah, no, that would have been a way better name. I will say it. And it's all done on cb radio yeah this cb is the thing about it is cb and slay would you get that it's pb and slay though or is it too much it's too much it's going up far too far away from the pbn you would have to do cb and j and you'd have to have a big fucking blunt right yes yeah that would be good that would be cool too that would honestly be pretty cool what's the podcast about i have no idea that sounds good yeah it needed that yeah what we needed that at barstow no seriously i felt like every like for example this show

okay so you did an episode yeah it's out what was like what was the general theme just chit chat okay i don't know you know it's just weekly how many producers one but i edited it all myself nice up those numbers all right are there any guests on the first episode learned how to use premiere pro yes we have rudy and we have tommy all right rudy and tommy tommy and rudy very funny that's a couple topics like what are some things you do you guys talk about um we talk about what we tommy um talks about sex a lot because he's a sex expert true yeah oh his only fans he talks about that going yes yes there's a lot of like tips and tricks like um say if you're listening to this and you spend all your time on the internet and you're like whoa i don't know how to woo a woman. We got you.

Are they going to be permanent guests? When I say I have no idea, I'm saying I have no idea. You're just figuring it out as you go. I'm figuring it out, but it's funny. It's really funny. You want to practice an ad read? You want to do rowback?

Rowback. If you're a rower... You probably need to read on the sheet. Okay. Rowback. Rowback activewear. Yeah. Yes.

Best way to describe rowback? Best fit, best feel. Okay, I'm going through it. Quicker. So use the code YAK, that's Y-A-K, all caps, on rowback.com for a generous 20% off your first purchase through the end of the week. That's spelled R-H-O-B-A-C-K.com. That's 20% off all polos, Q-Zips, and hoodies with code YAK.

It is about to be hoodie season, so the rowback hoodies are still in rotation. Yeah, and you could wear your rowback hoodie while listening to PB and Slay. You could theoretically wear anything. You could wear it getting beat up or beating someone up. You could do it breaking into a rich house. You could do it while you're beating up someone who's a foot shorter than you in their backyard. At least a foot. Sure, at least a foot.

What a development. Yeah. I leave that out. It's kind of sad. The first time around, yeah. You won. The kid tried to fight you. It's like he shouldn't have barked up a tall tree

if he didn't have that kid following him at his house. Wait, why did you guys get in a fight? What happened? What was the beginning? I think he thought I disrespected him at gym class. You definitely did. You did. It's the nature of gym class he thought I disrespected him at gym class. You definitely did. What did you do? The nature of gym class.

Throw a dodgeball at him? No, we only play basketball every day, and I was good, and he was not. And I probably made fun of him. He's sad as fuck, dude. Well, you were good because you were a foot taller. This guy just deserved none of this. I told him that I was coming to the front yard. He was probably like, I have a friend.

You did a victory lap after beating this little boy, this wee boy. 6'5", you beat 4'9", him one-on-one, then went to his house and beat the shit out of him. He was around 5'3". How tall were you in high school? There's nothing more disrespectful than 5'5". I was a lot skinnier. I was like 180. I'm 260 now.

6'5", in high school? That's got to feel amazing. You were more explosive then, too. I was much more explosive. How tall was Kendrick Perkins in high school? That's got to feel amazing. You were more explosive then, too. I was much more explosive. How tall was Kendrick Perkins? In high school? I think he was like 6'11 in eighth grade. Oh, shit.

What do you wear? Every day you're just trying to get on Rowan's basketball. I am. NBA is something that I do love. I love reading the Wikipedias. You hate NBA writers, though. The NBA Twitter scene. Theba twitter scene is so bad yeah is there anything that has a good twitter scene uh yeah son of a boy dad podcast i was

on a thing twitter scene anything that has an understanding twitter scene or does everything have a college football it's awful surviving barstool will say, I don't think I've, I think NBA has to be Baseball might be the most ridiculous. Because they're every single day, every single game, regardless of like the significance. Baseball, you said?

Yeah. Who was the basketball player that did like an interview recently? NFL is our, like yesterday or something. NFL is probably a Ketter one. About like his mom dying and then like his grandma dying.

John Wall. John Wall. It was John Wall? And one. About like his mom dying and then like his grandma dying. John Wall. John Wall. It was John Wall? And the comments were like, still worse than LeBron though. Oh my God. It's like, dude,

what? He's like, I was going to kill myself. Got him. Yeah. And they're like, classic pulling the mental health card. It's like,

dude, that's just like what basketball Twitter is like though. But then it's like, we have to show them that your mental health is bad. You know what I mean? And then it's like, I think it's just like what basketball Twitter is like, though. But then it's like we have to show them that your mental health is bad. You know what I mean? And then it's like. I think it's more like white social justice warrior dudes.

Yeah. That's kind of my. Those guys just do it for pussy. They'll cancel a guy for being like a pussy hound. They're doing it. Does that lead to pussy? No, but I think they're trying to be like, look what I did for you. Ladies.

No, every NBA basketball community fan base has groupies within it. Like the Sixers, for example, there's a group of their super online fans, and there's a group of women within that group, and some of the men are kind of skewed towards media, and then there's women within that group. Is that why Smitty talks about Ben Simmons all the time? He's trying to get pussy? No, dude, because he's not even in that community.

He's been ostracized from that community because he works at Barstool. Whoa. Isn't that crazy? Damn. Yeah. We don't get any of the pussy? So you're saying that if a guy's really- You do.

My boy Owen Fumble over there. If a guy wears like a feminist shirt- Pussy. Doing it for pussy. They're doing it for pussy. They're doing it for pussy. If a guy makes an infographic on Canva about women rights. Pussy.

I mean, every action a man does can ultimately boil down to that, even if it's subconscious. What comedian said like home ownership is like only about getting pussy? I forget who it was, but there it is. Roan, the comedian? I don't think I'd classify myself as that, but he was like, dudes would live in a box. Dudes would just live in a cardboard box. That's true.

What is the craziest thing a guy would do for pussy? It's not even that. It's just like... Need the free world? Yeah. I don't know. Yeah, anybody setting up their apartment

is picturing... A girl in there, yeah. How they would perceive it. When you move into a place, that's what you're picturing. And that's how you could tell the dudes who are truly happy are guys who have like a 15 folding chair and their tv on the ground in front of them because it's for them i don't know because i my nick my nick never stopped those guys are always fucking because girls are always complaining about online you don't have to try those guys yeah why is every

guy have like this shittiest setup? A girl has never made fun of my Pokemon Aston Villa apartment because they've never been. Your apartment is a mackey. I would love for a woman to see it.

It's because you care so much and these other guys don't care. No, but, like, that just kind of is the exception, because I do it because I like

knick-knacks and tchotchkes. Yeah, but it's also, you have, like, a pad out of a rom-com. Yeah. You're trying to see those mule lips, bro. You're trying to fucking... I have a pretty typical early 2000s bachelor pad. It's a pop-a-shot guitar.

He's got a great apartment. What if a guy has an apartment that's decorated like a Midwestern mom? That'd be awesome, like a Better Homes. It says eat. There's a big thing that says eat in the kitchen yeah not all who wander are lost that would be hilarious it's just like yeah it's just me just me here just me yeah doesn't greer have what a sign does he have oh yeah he changed his i think live laugh love during desperate times i went back to a guy's house who had a like one

of those cable black boxes you know like fake cable oh yeah i don't think he had heat he's like it's a temporary thing i was like ah you got blankets yeah the only decoration was a photo of him and his wife yeah yeah yeah but even i was like he's gonna decorate it setting some standards for yourself this is how about aestry? You go to a girl's apartment. You know that meme with the tapestry? Oh yeah. It's just like that. What do you think of a good tapestry? That with like the

lights around it. I like the lights. I gotta be dead honest. It's comfy. What is a tapestry? It's like a big blanket on the wall. Ornate patterns. But it's like it makes the whole wall a certain color without having to put any type. Ornate patterns. But it's like it makes the whole wall a certain color without having to put any type of art up on it. And it's usually like a tie-dye kind of bohemian look to it.

Dream catcher-ish. That. Yeah, that. This is actually my college dorm. I kid you not. It gives me an unsettling feeling, that picture. It's like an eye. I've never actually, I've never seen one of those in real life.

I don't think I've seen one in real life. It'd be a sick glory hole though, wouldn't it? Yeah, right in the middle. Yeah, right in the middle. Feidelberg on the other side. Make people nuts,

it's slightly off the center. They're scary in real life. The guy's like, I can't get hard in this thing. Yeah, it looks like it. It's a little off. I can only get off to symmetry. Scary stuff.

What about a really nice home? Rich people home? They have that tapestry right when you walk in. Wouldn't stop me. That would ruin the about a really nice home? Rich people home? They have that tapestry right when you walk in. Wouldn't stop me. That would ruin the home, wouldn't it? Multi-million dollar home, chandelier, that tapestry. Naturalized, we're hanging up. Did you see Ben Simmons' old house on Zillow and everyone was clowning it because how whack

it was designed? No. No. I did the whole tour. It was, yeah, it was. Cause. It was like a bunch of cause statues. Bad, yeah. You know what I'm talking about? Cause.

Those things with the ears? It's like Cheugy Bro fucking statue. Statues, I guess. They were just determined that it's uncool pop art. I'm trying to look it up. JJ Reddick's house is for sale in

Williamsburg. I'm sorry, in Dumbo. I'm still fascinated by what celebrities' homes look like. They should bring it back. I am still fascinated by that. That's not terrible. Cillogon Wild, the Instagram. Stairs look like spilled milk.

That was bought by Nick Castellanos, I'm pretty sure. Oh, wow. And he was playing really shitty. They thought it was the house that made it shitty. It might be. This doesn't look that bad. It's an incredible house. No, it's not terrible.

It doesn't look like... I feel like I saw another one. All the homes are never cozy. A little bit of Beetlejuice vibes. I'm going to cozy out. I want a cozy place. Everything's always like a touch. Yeah, it's not that bad to me.

Look at that. I'm so sick of cabinets at the open with all your shit sitting out in the open. It's going to get dusty. What's on the table? Chip and Juliette Gaines. A four-back. Do you think these people have a closet full of shit? Like their junk drawer?

That's a floppy dick. That's a floppy penis. That is a floppy penis. And you know those chairs are just so uncomfortable. Nothing is comfortable there, and it's probably cold. Right. Well, he's definitely never had all those chairs sat in. There's no way he's had like a communal dinner.

He just bought a massive house as a 21-year-old and has like no friends to fill it with. Not in Philly. That's my prediction for the next 20 years. Celebrities with smaller homes. They're going to decrease, decrease, decrease. Microhomes. The car.

Who is this guy? I know this guy. Is he like a wrestler? I don't know. He looks so familiar. Anyway. These are MMA bella tor i think oh that guy looks so familiar me and omer saying the other day i don't even know if i got an apartment that was big i don't even know what i would do the space you're not like that fish tank like my like i think i would still keep all my shit just like on my bed and stuff I'm just so used to that.

What if somebody sent you an Ollie Watkins framed jersey? Hang that up. If you had money, you could probably just... I have a spare. You might be able to pay someone to clean stuff or hang stuff up for you or whatever. Big game tomorrow. I know. Massive game tomorrow. Ruin my day.

Can we play it again? I try to watch. Yeah. Because I have so much stuff. They're forcing my hand. You're playing us. Oh, shit. So I say big game tomorrow.

Oh, shit. What time is the game? 2.30? 3 o'clock? 2.30. 2.30. Holy fuck. Where are you guys going to watch it?

I'm going. To England? Yeah. Villa Park? We're about to go out to Villa Park. You hate flying, so you love that team. I will die for them. You might have to. If you get in a rumble with a hooligan. Yeah.

It's your last show of the week. RJ Kearns is there. Oh, no. You live in England? Nope. Wait, do we have Friday and Monday off? Yep. Oh no You live in England? Nope Wait do we have Friday and Monday off? Yep What the fuck dude What am I gonna do with myself?

What am I gonna do? Do we have all day Friday off? Offices have to There are four day weekends in Milton Definitely not Oh uh uh They have weekends Not even HQ1 you guys don't remember

Damn that's true Who doesn't? HQ2 HQ2 Who doesn't? HQ2. HQ2, the one... Who doesn't remember? HQ4 is Greer's sunroom, by the way. That's where the office is headed. I actually liked the old office.

Really? It got a little tough at the end. It was a little crowded. When they would build the sets in there, and everyone would just be squished off to the edges. But I liked it. My first day was there, but by the time I got here, y'all already moved.

Yeah. You ever see the office, like Defector Media's office or like Deadspin's old office? It's like kind of similar thing. They're just like all right on top of each other. I think I've seen that one aerial shot of it. You know what I mean?

And they're all just sharing ideas. Dude Perfect's office. That's probably, I don't mean to interrupt, but we have a YouTube legend in the chat right now. What? Shoe Nice? Shoe Nice is in the chat.

Shoe Nice! No way! Oh, Shoey. Shoe Nice is in the chat calling out a bunch of people to fight him next year sometime. Fight? Shoe Nice. Also, he made a video responding to us mentioning him.

Shut up, dude. What is he... What video responding to us mentioning him. What is the tone? He said, I want to fight someone in 2023. Steve will do it. LA Beast. We'll fight LA Beast? Does he fox with us? Yeah, let's check this out. If he gets a black eye, those blue eyes will be

piercing. Hey, the crew over at Barstool Sports and the Yak. What's up, Shoenice? This is a real thing. This is a real video. Well, basically, I always make a video saying I'm quitting YouTube because it gets a lot of views. Hell, yeah.

I love it. I remember when Barstool Sports shared my videos back in the day. Either way, I'd like to give you guys a shout out. Oh, hell yes. This is like making my life. Some ASMR there. This is surreal. Marshall Sports likes you nice.

Either way, guys. He's going to eat toilet paper for us? No way. He's yakking. No way. He's shooting at me. This is the best day of my life. I like, oh my God. It's yak. No way. Shoot it. This is the best day of my life. I like, oh my God.

Oh, yes. Yeah, I need my heart and game pay. Shoot it. Yes! Yay! It really makes my skin crawl. No, this is like making my day. That was easy.

I could have done that. It really makes me goosebumps. It makes my hair stand up. Imagine it. is like making my day. That was easy. I could have done that. It really makes me goosebumps. It makes my hair stand up. Imagine it. Imagine the feeling of that. Specifically, that would help feel my teeth. Oh, I can't look. Hell yeah. Shoe Nice ate for us, dude. Either way,

I appreciate you guys giving me support. I'll throw this up on your Twitter for you. Thank you. He has the login. I feel like Shoenice talks like someone from the 1840s or something like that. He speaks with the slow pace that he's completely in control. Is that anti-Ben Shapiro? It's kind of an AI feel.

He does throw you off of your game. You're like, he's in control now. Oh, yeah. You have to quiet down and really, because you want to hear what he has to say. Yeah. Yeah. We got our little fast talking pace that we're all trying to do, like trying to get it, and he's just-

Try it out. John Wayne-ing us to death. Yep. Sounds kind of fucking sweet. It wasn't a new roll of toilet paper. It was like one that he had grabbed. Yeah, it was like... What was it?

He had a clipped chip at the end of it. Yeah, it did. Single ply. He had the barstool yak on it. Oh, man. Sass, how was your weekend? Oh, it was good. A little monkey pox scare?

It was a little monkey pox scare. Big time. Dude, I'm... It was a big scare? I have a pitoriasis. What is that? Like a post like virus

rash and it is everywhere. What virus? Where you get like past monkeypox? No, no.

I didn't have monkey I actually I went in and they didn't even mention monkeypox. Damn, because you have pitoriasis. I got into a deep dive though.

You have pitoriasis rosea. Sounds delicious. And I have it bad. Is it all over your body? No, it's not because I'm looking at you and I can't see a single pteriasis. It's only on my arms. I'm not going to show you. I believe you.

It's genuinely disgusting. It's all over my arms, the top of my arms. It's a little bit on my chest, and it's all over my back. It itches? It itches pretty bad. It comes in waves. It's really bad at night. I could run you an oatmeal bath.

Oatmeal bath. Yeah, that's what they're supposed to do. Does your back look like that? Yes. Oh, my God. Oh, sass. Get that off. Get that off.

Get that off. Yeah. So, do they give you a steroid or something? No, there's literally nothing you can do. Just let it run its course. How long does it last? Like two to three weeks. God damn.

Sometimes three to six months. Oh my God. How did you get it? Being bit by a mouse probably. Did I get it? Yeah. Probably because I had COVID. I had COVID for a long time.

I had long COVID. So I think it was from that. Oh, you had long COVID. Yeah. Yeah, that's an actual thing. So when you have it for over a month. Oh, you had long COVID. Yeah, that's like an actual thing. So when you have it for like over a month. When did you have it? Recently.

Around 4th of July. We're doing the act. Oh, we're on here. You're not contagious after like the first week. Oh, totally. You're not. Stephen Che has COVID right now. He has short COVID?

Is he really right now? Yeah. Yeah, he's Che has COVID right now. He has short COVID? Is he really right now? Yeah. Yeah, he's got short COVID right now. I just don't care about his medical information to keep it under wraps. I just would rather more people knew. I have a bad scouting job by Tampa to let him get COVID. Yeah. True.

They just had him down at the facilities. Ooh. It was Arians. They would have done their background check. Was he here today or yesterday? Oh, I don't know if I should have said that. It was tweeted. It's would have done their background check. Was he here today or yesterday? Oh, I don't know if I should have said that. It was tweeted. It's out.

Okay, all right. But yeah, that's a little bit weird of him. He also took off last week because of COVID. Because of COVID. Oh, he has unlimited COVID? He has unlimited COVID. Yes, that's how things work here now. Must be nice.

He established a fear of the disease, and now it's just a free get out of work free for as long as he wants it to be. Yeah, he's on a pussy slay right now. He also tests every single day, right? Yeah, he does. Now, if he is hanging out and just not coming until data day to make a big return. Ah.

Didn't the CDC change the rules? Like, if you're, like, asymptomatic, don't you, like, not even have to quarantine anymore? I don't know. They're always switching the rules. No, I think it's if you were exposed and you're not testing positive or you're not symptoms. But if you're exposed, don't you have to wait

a certain amount of time? No, not anymore, I think. Really? Yeah. He stayed home with his family until he got COVID. He wanted to make sure that he got COVID.

Hanging around his wife or whoever had COVID. He couldn't stop hot-mouthing. Probably taking notes from Tom Brady and open-mouthed smooching his kids. He got COVID

from eating pussy. Who was that actor that was like, you can get throat cancer from eating pussy? Michael Douglas got throat cancer from eating

Catherine Zeta-Jones pussy. Yes, she's a cancerous. She's in some hot water. She has P... People have been saying that she's been masking as a Latino woman when she's not at all.

Is that like Alec Baldwin's wife? Fake the accent? Oh, I don't think so. No, I think she was just taking... Zeta-Jones isn't... At all. Where would you...

Zeta... That's just her sorority. I think it was just because she was in Zorro. She was in Zorro? Yeah. But Zorro was very... Is it? No, Alec Baldwin's wife got caught doing the same thing.

She was always speaking with an accent and finally one of her neighbors was like, no, no, she grew up in Jersey. What was her accent? Spanish. She gave herself... Her name's like... Okay, I don't...

Hilaria Baldwin. Yeah, but she's saying Hilaria, but her name's like Hillary or something. Yeah. We could pull her up, I think. The Ariana Grande picture is where it's her just as every different race. Yeah.

Yeah, she's done it all. She's hit for the cycle. Yeah. You should pick another race or ethnicity and just try it. Have you seen my baby dad, Pat, could pass for, I feel like, almost any type of white person. For soul, he could. Like, I didn't know what he was until after we met.

Yeah, I can see that. What is he? Cassidy? Like, dark Irish. Dark Irish? I thought he could have been anything. Black-ish. Yeah.

Interesting. Yeah. Your child has curly hair too yeah it's very that shit looks futuristic I see that you're a baby daddy Pat he's Pat Cassidy on Twitter but he still has the titties next to his name he does he hasn't changed a thing I'm glad still smoking weed out of PFT's hot dog this weekend yeah keeping it real my son is out of daycare all week this week so i've been doing the stay-at-home mom thing during the week you're here right now fucking sick i know i came in just for this look at that fucking set what's that remind me of what does that remind me of brandon pretty cool what was his ethTH password again? What's his.ETH again?

Oh, God. Cassie.ETH. If anyone wants to drop him some ETH. Have you guys seen... Let's give him some ETH. I have some ETH I could send. Have you seen the old school video of Pat and PFT from JMU? Doing a Cribs video?

Oh, yeah. They're old. They lived at JMU together and they lived in the biggest shithole of a house. And they did like an MTV Cribs video? Oh yeah. They lived at JMU together and they lived in the biggest shithole of a house and they did an MTV Cribs. The video's still out there floating around. Oh yeah, there it is. So Pat started this magazine called jmaddy.com

where he would get hot girls to model. Yeah, there he is. They would sell beer openers and t-shirts. Jesus already. The house is fine. They just got a bunch of fucking trash. What is that?

I don't know. Corn on the cob? That wasn't maggots, was it? Probably. That was corn on the cob. That's PFT. I don't know if they want this video. I don't know.

If this pops up people oh my god he doesn't give a damn thanks tj that's the reason that y'all get taken down today yeah i saw that on my didn't someone post that on twitter recently yeah people it pops up all the time boy's double caked up that was funny that was fat yeah is that what you're saying kb it was good ass it was good you're flagging that maybe you're gonna have thank you for tweeting that my dad liked his dad it showed up first time you tweeted the one where i liked the one where i said kb gonna have that that ass fat kb gonna have that and i just saw it on

my timeline and said above doug winoy liked this no ain't no way supportive pops yeah that's amazing that's oh you you want wait uh tj's dad followed me on twitter oh yeah he's a delight he's an absolute no i loved his twitter background where it's all the pictures of TJ. Do you know what I'm talking about? His header? Yes, his header. I don't know. I don't know if I've seen it. It was like a Star Wars.

Yeah. Milkman. Oh, he's supportive. It's sick. Thank you. It's sick. He's wearing a shirt with the same title. Oh, my God.

He's wearing a shirt. Kyle, go to your dad's Twitter. That's awesome. That's sick. Yeah. I think your dad's header is just a head of lettuce. His bio is KV gonna have that. His dad's bio?

Yeah. Wait, really? Doug's? No, I have no idea. I think he's trying to lean into the full-blown troll. Okay. It says, like, UC Berkeley or something. University of California, Berkeley, art history, criticism.

Yeah, he's really... Owner of coffee. He's really leaning into into it owner of coffee and conversation he owns those two things that are is that his the best photo of him just like a torn younger picture i didn't even know yeah that's actually him his shoulder arm looks ripped is it in a soccer net yeah whoa his face looks like he's 12, but his arm looks like a... My dad just tweets like, fucking pirates. That's it.

Just every single day. I don't know if my dad knows what Twitter is. My dad lurks. My dad's dead. He is. Yeah. Pull up his archive. He had some bangers.

Back in the day. Spin the fucking wheel. Oh yeah. Do you want to? Yeah. We need to, right? Maybe today's the day we quit the wheel.

Can we? Please? That would go well. You got the Karens zooming on his headphones? Yo, Sass. Sass, you comedy buddy. Sass, you comedy mother.

Sass, come on. Sass got the Karen's, dude. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Dude. They're not mine. Come on, man.

They're my mom's. Got the Karen's. Dude They're my mom's. Got the Karen. She's got the Karen's. Just a loop of audio complaining about black people. Yeah, that's what it is. These things are awesome. They're great. How are they awesome?

The noise canceling. Really? It's amazing. Fuck yeah. You can just leave society when you throw them in. Let the tunes just take you away. Why are you doing that? Let the tunes just take you away. What are you doing at Duane Reade? Getting a Red Bull.

Damn, look at one of Steven's questions. Today's cut-down day where the NFL teams go to 53 players. What will cut-down day at Barstool look like? Is he asking us who should be fired? Right now it should be Che based off of absences alone. Yeah. 53 people. If we could only get down to 53 people, Dukes would be one of them.

One of the ones cut, right? Yeah, for sure. I actually had a guy in an NFL camp that got cut that asked me if he could be on the Yak as a producer. He got cut today, Jack Snyder. The Jets guy? Oh, the Rams guy. What position did he play? He's a big boy. How did he ask?

He was at San Jose State. Yesterday he said, if I get cut tomorrow, can you teach me how to be a producer? It is very similar to the NFL. Damn, he knew that he was going to. That's got to be a bad feeling. And then today he said, I need a job. So I'm assuming he got that.

Are you listening right now, brother? Yeah. If you are listening, the job's yours. You got to prove that you're listening. We'll do an offensive lineman off, me versus him. Maybe he could eat some toilet paper or something. That would work. That made my life.

I love shoe nice. We should get more people in the room daily. Especially bigger guys. That made my life. I love shoe nice. We should get more people in the room daily. Especially bigger guys. We need more people. Maybe we could just get a sectional couch instead of all these different chairs. We're not that rich. All these TVs and we're not rich?

Eight of us. Eight is insane. Too many for a show. I don't mind it. How many are on The View? Three. Six. Four. I don't mind it. That's not even enough. How many are on The View? Three. Six. Four. Oh, okay.

I thought it was three. I don't know why. It's fluctuated. Okay. It's like Star Trek. I'm out the rest of the week, I think. You are? I'm going to go down to my parents and have them watch The Little Guy so I can get some

work done, I think. Work? What work are you going to get done? What are you doing? Blogging about butts. Okay. Yeah, that makes sense. I'm out the rest of the week as well. What? Yeah. Where the hell are you going? Brandon got me field passes. Work. What work are you going to get done? Blogging about butts. I'm out the rest of the week as well.

What? Where the hell are you going? Brandon got me field passes. Backyard brawl, first one in like 10, 11 years. Oh, Pitt? West Virginia this weekend? It's at Pitt though, right? It's Thursday at Pitt. Biggest game this weekend is Penn State-Purdue though. That's Thursday as well. I know, Franklin's coaching. Oh, they have game day,

right? No, it's Thursday. WVU-Pitt does. Franklin's not coaching for his job now, but if they were to lose, he would. Step off me and Roan's team. He pissed me off. Pitt had a tailgate scene. I know WVU's is fun, but Pitt's is just you go right into that. No, P-U. Yeah. No, it's awesome. Pitt's fucking sweet. Hines Field

has the top tier tailgates at their events. And Pitt has way more baddies than West Virginia. Exponentially more baddies. Really? He probably has hotter guys. No. We were at West Virginia two years ago for the Barstool show, and it was the first time that we

got titties flashed at us, and they were exceptional. Oh, they were good. Woodstock titties. It's a common occurrence. It's happened multiple times. It happened in Michigan State last year, too. He has a photographic memory of it. So what happened in West Virginia was they backed a pickup truck right here by the stage.

Oh, that hand going. And they sat. Yeah. So what happened was. They backed a pickup truck by the stage, and they sat on coolers in the back, and the girl just took her shirt off, and it was fun times. I enjoyed it. IUP has some sneaky talent.

Hello? Not slippery rock yes no no you mean slimy pebble bro no thanks hey did your school at your high school ever talk to you about uh being the speaker for graduation oh yeah funny enough the somebody who's listening's mom somebody who was listening they were like that's my mom who worked in that office and they were talking about what the fuck that call was for anybody who missed it. Was it you? You called to see if I would call. It was an uncomfortable conversation. Yeah, it was uncomfortable if I could speak at my high school.

What high school? You almost got it done, though. Coatesville. Yeah. I do what I do. So it was obviously a yes. I went back once to convince kids to join the Marines. Did it work?

I think so. Sorry. Borderline illegal. Oh, yeah. Big time. Did you get any? Yeah. Big time.

Did you get any? I think so. Are they alive? I don't know. One of those things better just to walk away. Yeah, not think about it. I don't know. Rowan, did you watch the rehearsal?

I would like your take on the whole thing once you watch it. I watched the first two episodes and I think I've watched them both three times and I haven't watched the last four episodes so I gotta check them out. Gotta check them out.

Why did you double triple watch the first two? You're like watching it with other people and then you're like dude you gotta watch this show and then watch the first two and it's just like

alright we've been watching the same show for like a hundred minutes. Too many minutes. Or it's probably like 100 minutes. Too many minutes. Or it was probably like 70 minutes. Do you like it? Yeah, I loved it. I love what I saw of it as well. I think he sacrificed a lot

of his comedic abilities, but it worked. What do you mean he sacrificed some of his comedic abilities? He didn't go full-blown, I'm gonna be my funny Nathan Fielder. Yeah, I agree with you. I agree with you. It was kind of fucked up. Yeah.

Yeah. How do you mean? With like the child actor. Yeah. I only saw the first two. I don't know. I got to watch more to see how fucked up it gets. Even two, just watching them take the babies up and down the ladder out of the house and all that stuff.

I was like, I can't handle this. Enjoyed that a lot. Should we spin the wheel? Yeah, let's spin the wheel. Er the house and all that stuff. I was just like, I can't handle this. Enjoyed that a lot. Should we spin the wheel? Yeah, let's spin the wheel. Ernie, you look good today. Tan. I like the hat. He looks tan.

Are you guys buttering me up? It's a really good hat, Ron. Good colors. Am I presenting like I need short shorts on? No, no. We all rehearsed this beforehand. There's a glow.

You need to tell us anything? Look how you always do. I've heard that rehearsing conversations means that you're masking autism. Right. Oh, fuck. Kyle always forgets he's mic'd up at Rediscovering America,

and I put on the headphones, and it's just what you're about to say. I know, I do that all the time, and I'll just get caught. But you're about to say. I know, I do that all the time and I'll just get caught. But you're not masking autism. Masquerading around with it. I'm just kidding. You also can't read in your head.

What? You can't. That's for Sully, I thought. Sully just can't read. Can you read out loud? Can you read this? I can read very well in my head. Can you read this without saying anything?

I'm good with words. Or no, you said you can't think in pictures. You think in words. No. Yeah, you did. It's on the podcast. No, I don't have like a voice in my head. That's it.

Oh, that's weird. You don't have like an internal monologue. I think that's like 30% of people or something. Is it? It's kind of crazy though. You have a voice in your head? Yeah. Constantly I do.

Yeah. It says like, I hate you so much. Oh yeah. You Yeah. Constantly, I do. Yeah. It says, like, I hate you so much. Oh, yeah. You suck. Everything you do is bad. What does the voice sound like? How do you know you have a voice in your head? Yes, it's hard to explain.

Do you hear your own voice talking to you? No, it's just hard to explain. You just hear... It kind of doesn't have a sound to it. No, I don't think, but it's not... I can think right... Just thinking. I never fully hear, ever.

Like, I'm constantly thinking in my head. Yeah, I'm constantly thinking in my head. There's never a moment where I'm just sitting here thinking about it. There's constantly voices in my head just going back and forth. It's schizophrenia. There are voices in my head. It's not always negative.

I'm just never fully present. Podcast is your life. You are a podcaster through and through. There's a podcast going on in your head. Of course. We're born to do this. I'm a stand-up. Got it?

Yeah. I'm a podcaster, bro. Let's wrap it up. Good talk. You want to wrap it up? Let's wrap it up. Tomorrow, yeah. The live auction.

The rundown. Tomorrow. Auction. Big Cat's pile auction. Oh, the pile auction. Ooh, that's fun. Who's going to be here tomorrow? I will be here. Big Cat's pile auction. Oh, the pile auction. Ooh, that's fun. Who's going to be here tomorrow? I will be here.

Big Cat? I have to go do the rundown. Tomorrow? Right now. You said who's going to be here tomorrow? Big Cat will be back tomorrow. Me? We'll be out.

You want to come Pittsburgh with me? I kind of do. I'm looking for something to do this weekend. I love Pittsburgh. I haven't been in so long. Bye. Come on, guys. All right, let's go. Fuck it, let's go. That'll be a scene. Yeah. I'm looking for something to do this weekend. I love Pittsburgh. I haven't been in so long. Come on, guys. All right, let's go.

Fuck it, let's go. You here this weekend? That'll be a scene. Yeah, I'm jealous. I don't want to go. Should we do a big road trip? Should we all go to Pittsburgh? Catching a train tomorrow at 1030. Oh, no.

One of those big white vans. I can't do that. I can't catch a train with you. You ride the rails too well. I'm a novice. I would love to see your face on the Altoona Curve. I've been to the Altoona Curve and I've hung out with the train watchers who wait with the video cameras and stuff. And then the train goes by and they're all like, they're crying.

They have tears streaming down their faces. You're probably real smug about riding the train comfortably. You're not in your plane environment anymore. You don't service human anymore. I walk on there. It's my train. Willy Wonka. Yeah.

All right. See you guys tomorrow. Peace. Zero Block 30 out. Interview with Colin O'Brady. He went across Antarctica on his own. Subscribe now. You don't need to rush through that.

We can wait for you to finish. BB and Slay will run. Vibing Marshall, we got anything to look forward to? To you. Contact Kim got voted out last night. It's really painful to watch. Yeah, you guys are actually assholes for voting her out. We're a thousand percent assholes.

That's why it's hard to watch. It's like watching Stanford Prison Experiment. You guys were all mean off the bat, though. Like episode one, kind of. I don't... Yeah, no, I agree with you. I feel like... The first minute, kind of.

I thought it was going to be a little bit more... Right away, you guys were kind of just mean to everybody, yeah. I think that we all just really wanted to win, I guess, but yeah,

it's rough. It's rough to watch. Spoiler alert, most people didn't wind up winning. No, spoiler alert. I'm pumped. I genuinely don't know who won. Me neither.

Oh, really? I don't want to know. Oh, you guys are in for something. I want to keep watching. Okay. I just watched the last five minutes. Yeah, I got to go. There's some twists and turns.

It's a wild ride. Owen, anything to... Listen to Son of a Boy Dad and Anus this week. They come out once a week. We're going to have two episodes this week, I believe, correct? Yeah, we have Matt McClusker coming in today. Oh, hell yeah. Wait, Rowan, when does yours come out?

It's Memorize Facts, so we can keep up with him. Not until October. October, okay. Genuinely. I have facts in my head, ready for the podcast. Ready to go. Owen's the king of podcasts. He helped with PB and Slay too.

He is. He did. You have to do that. No, he didn't have to. So if you're like, Caroline's not funny, I hate her so much, you might actually maybe...

Might actually hate my ideas. You might hate Owen. No, it's probably Caroline. It's probably me. Anything else? No. If it has anything. Love you guys. All right. Love you. Maybe nothing. It's probably me. Anything else? No. Love you guys. All right.

Love you. Anything? Nothing. Let's go. Let's leave. Okay. Anything else? Just at the midget Zimba on TikTok.

That's it. Okay. Yeah. Follow us on. TJ, anything? Fuck Viacom. Fuck Viacom. Fuck Viacom.

Fuck Viacom. Fucked up yesterday's episode with the YouTube crap. Viacom. Fuck Viacom? Fuck Viacom? Fuck Viacom? I fucked up yesterday's episode with the YouTube crap. Viacom? All right. Let's wrap it up. Yeah, we're good. It was Rob. Pull it out. It's the act.

It's the act. It's the act. Bye.