The Yak - Nicky Smokes is Chasing Down Some Birds This Summer | The Yak 7-11-24

Episode Date: July 11, 2024

Nick might join the Ammish basketball teamYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Yo, DJ, pull that up. It's the Yak. Welcome in. Roback.com, R-H-O-B-A-C-K.com. Promo code Yak, 20% off. Swim trunks, performance shorts, polos, and more. Joggers, QZips.

Swim trunks. Blutman's taking the picture. Are you late with the picture, Blutman? He was late with the picture. It's always beforehand. Don't even bother, really. Were you late with the picture? He was late with the picture. Why'd you take the picture right after we started? I don't think that's true. What do you do with that picture?

What do I do with it? Yeah. He keeps it in the camera. Why don't you tweet it before the show? You're delaying the process, Mark. I think you delayed the process. I think you delayed the process. Accountability.

Yeah, yeah. Retake. No, don't retake. Don't retake. I liked it. don't retake i liked it don't retake maybe photoshop kb in the first one i don't have that ability it's the yak robeck.com 20 y-a-k 20 dude liam is like a yeti that you always see he's everywhere he's just as blurry though i've never seen him fully focused he's never in focus yeah me and him got ramen yesterday no way yeah it was me you guys went on a date yeah me him caitlin walker and page double date wild fucking group what did you guys what is one thing in common well that's the thing so me and liam got there like 15 minutes before they did and we were just talking about college football and then the girls came and liam just

started going like this vibing yeah just vibing it was kind of like an intervention because i've been going through some shit page has gone through some shit and like having liam as your mediator to an intervention well he'll tell you how it is yeah how did this come about so liam asked me if i wanted to get dinner i said yeah absolutely he said should i invite other people i'm thinking you know maybe his brother will come mook will come turns out it was page and caitlin and they just pulled up and we sat down ate ramen and damn liam pulls yeah liam in the was it high five ramen what's high five ramen i won't say it's the best thing i've ever eaten, but it's the best I've ever slurped.

The best broth I've ever had. The broth was burning my throat. I don't know how to eat ramen. It's weird because you need a fork, but you also need a spoon and you're twisting the noodles and slurping at the same time. It's not easy to eat. Not for everyone. You need to be ambidextrous. Yes, and I'm not.

And if you have holes in your teeth or something like that, it might... Yeah, if you have, like, nine cavities, the soup might hurt a little bit, yeah. Were you embarrassed when they told you you have eight cavities? I wasn't surprised, I'm going to be honest. Well, you have nice teeth, a decent smile. Yeah, so there's one tooth back here where I look at it in the morning and I say, that's a cavity that needs to get fixed the other first time you've ate cavities yes so but the other eight i was like there's no way i have eight cavities because like my teeth

look fine like they don't hurt the wisdom teeth hurt every now and then but it just fades away and it's whatever but nine cavities is kind of crazy and i already have one root canal so that's basically 10 which is one third of my teeth so you nine cavities four wisdom teeth one root canal yes so nine four one what kind of contract is that getting in the nba nine four nine four one yeah that's that's 18 million dollars yeah that's not bad that's not bad at all everybody everybody the n NBA is making $18 million. That's a good role player right there coming right off the bench. Yeah, that's not bad. Yeah.

I don't think I does this. This guy's got Nanny McPhee teeth. Danny what? What the hell? That's the first thing you're going to say? Yeah. Steve coming with Nanny McPhee. Can't come in with Nanny McPhee teeth. That's the one thing I fucking told you not to say.

I know how much you love that snaggle tooth. Nobody knows Nanny McPhee. Oh, yeah. I don't know who's an author look at her oh we're talking about oh i thought she was like a 10th man on a bad basketball roster nanny mcfee yeah that's nicky smokes teeth chill bro i got all 32 who's the woman that played nanny mchee? Is this based off of like a Roald Dahl book? No, true story. Or inspired by true events at least. That's Emma Thompson. Shut up. I don't know who that is. Yeah, it was directed by Kirk Brown.

She's in Love Actually. She gets cheated on in Love Actually. Oh, yeah. But she stays with him? She does. For the kids. Love Actually has too many people in it, right? It's got a lot of different storylines. I want my movies to have 4 to 5 They all tie together Do you like any of those

Intertwining storyline movies Crash The Holiday Babel I've never seen Babel Is Pulp Fiction an example of that Of intertwining stories I do like those

Because they don't make sense the whole movie until the last 15 minutes like oh my god this is fucking amazing i pretended for like memento in college me too never never understood it and then i was bold enough uh what's the coincidence movie it's really long with tom cruise magnolia i pretended to like magnolia uh never got it that was like danny dar donnie dark donnie it. I was like Donnie Darko. Donnie Darko. I was like, this is film. Didn't like it. Yeah.

This is film. It was in my MySpace. I didn't like it. Yeah. Oh, dude, I think, what was the Zach Braff one? Garden State? Oh, Garden State. I was listening to the Shins.

Had that soundtrack all the time. I was listening to the Shins real loud. So it's something to be listening to. Even American Beauty gave me the heebie-jeebies back in the day. Well, that should. That was about rape, right? Something about it didn't quite sit right with me. You see Spacey is back.

He's teaching classes in Armenia. Yeah. No, I didn't see that. He's back in a... And that's like the scene where he does his rape. That's where he does his. So he forced himself on an underage boy is what came out. Right.

Or was it underage? No, just a boy. I thought it was boys. Oh, was it? I don't quite know the extent of Spacey's crimes. Underage man. Was it the Florida Panthers that had a Kevin Spacey themed like they. Yes, they did.

Not a good look. The Pan Yes, they did, actually. Yep. Not a good look. The Panthers were... Oh, that. Support Spacey.com. Not a single empty seat. Who is that? How long will it take to be... Jesus.

Can we go to supportkevinspacey.com? Yeah, let's... His movies, he's fucking awesome. He's such a good actor. Baby Driver. K-Pax. He was great in House of house of cards house of cards how can we support kevin spacey during this time leave a mr fowler stay spacey mr oh leave a

message like let's leave a message you should leave a message express yourself rapist just send tj just send him fart noise just send him a hyperlink to that's it we are all kevin spacey no i'm pretty sure that was a Lego holding a sign that said we are all Kevin Spacey. Send him meat spin. Stupid question, but he's in prison, right? Oh, we all miss Kevin. No. You just saw it for an example. He was just on a stage. He was just on a stage.

Quite the opposite. He's free. When you said he was raping a little kid, that was in a movie or real life? It wasn't a little kid. I think he just forced himself on an adult. And then when he got caught, he used it as his coming out video. Was it him in front of a fireplace being like, I'm a gay man?

Interesting. Nine counts, yeah. Not a good guy. Oh, damn. When someone says nine counts, is that nine dudes? Are these guys that live in a castle? Nine counts. He's fucking royalty.

Is 14 a kid? Yes. What the fuck? I was asking that to confirm. I know that. I didn't go into that. I was going to say I thought it was a kid. I didn't know it was a kid.

It does depend on the country you're in, though, right? I think 14 across the board. I agree with that. It might depend on the era. Yeah, that's true, too. Rome, that was fine. Australia is like 16, right? Yeah, that's true, too. Rome, that was fine. Australia is like 16, right? Well, that's some states.

Some states are 16. Oh, Jesus. Danny knows them all by heart. Oh, God. Yeah, he has a little jingle. Ohio 15, Pennsylvania 16. You're always, I got pissed because you got it stuck in my head. I felt like a creep.

Sing it for me. No, dude. Sicko. Happy birthday to John Quincy Adams. Oh, I was just going to say that. Shout out John Adams. Quincy. Had an ambitious agenda but didn't get shit done despite his intelligence.

Why is that? I don't know. After his presidency, he was elected to the house of representatives because he loathed drew jackson and he wasn't in on slavery nobody's ever called him that kyle andrew jackson yeah okay and he was just bored so fun fact shout out john quincy whoa yeah what was considered hot back then that that yeah i, I think that. That's pretty hot. Jowls. I feel like jowls were hot.

They have thick. Like if you put a conventionally attractive man from today back then, would they just be freaked out? Yeah, probably. If you put Jacob Elordi. I want to put Titus in a time machine, dude. Yeah. I think you just become a king. I'll do it.

Yeah, sure. Let's do it. Yeah. Yeah. I'll do just become a king. I'll do it. Yeah, sure. Let's do it. Yeah. Yeah. I'll do it. Is Brandon coming back Monday? That's what he says, yeah. You miss him?

Yeah, he was like trying to – he rubbed in my face a little bit yesterday sending me pictures from Mississippi State basketball practice. Like that'd make you jealous. I mean, it kind of does, but it's kind of like, yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I think he's in Starkville right now, but there's no way of knowing. My theory is he's hitchhiking back to Chicago, and that's what's taking so long.

He was in the Gulf, and now he's moving his way north. But who knows how long it's going to take him. Would you be interested in going to college basketball facilities? Oh, I'm obsessed with it, yeah. When I travel, I pop in. Empty gyms are my favorite places on earth, yeah. Gyms in general, yeah. What's the most underrated gym?

Like a mid-major? Hmm. Mid-major gym, the underrated ones. I'm kind of a basic bitch. I like all the ones that everyone else likes um my favorite gym i saw was in was in oregon eugene uh their old one the old gym in oregon i like the old gyms yeah and then they built a new one and it looks like bukkake all over the court does it oregon uh so i saw that they accidentally put geese on the court rather

than ducks oh yeah it's the wrong silhouette they, like, their pattern was like a bunch of trees, but it just looked like... That was cool, I thought. Yeah, yeah. Oh, that doesn't... You like that one, right? That looks a little diarrhea-ish. That looks like shit.

When they built their new arena, they named it after Phil Knight's son, but their old arena was awesome, and I really like that one. So do they have, like, unlimited NIL money? I think so, yeah. Phil Knight, he's not quite on his deathbed, but he's like... He just gave it all?

If he died, he wouldn't question it? Yeah, he's at that point where he's reflecting, and he's like, I'm going to give every dime I have to make sure we win a national championship in football. What age is it you can die and nobody asks how? 75? Anything over 75 I think is fair. I'd say 76, not to be... Oh, my fault, Kate.

Yeah, thank you. 76? 77, actually. 77. Yeah, I think... Some spry seven. Unlimited in the mail resource. That's a graphic.

You hate to see that if you work for Nike. But two-star players are going to be like, I want $7 million. And you're going to get it. So how won't that work? It will. So they are going to be like, I want $7 million. And you're going to get it. So how won't that work? It will. So they're going to win the national championship. Yeah, I don't know.

I don't know. We'll see. Does that take away from the zhuzh of the game a little bit? To be like, we would like to purchase one championship, please. I think so. I think there should be regulation. Unless it was my team that was doing it. yeah fall bets right they kind of already have that in sports though right pro sports yeah yeah but i think that's what like the people that were college sports purists were

like they play for the love of the game right yeah but that's just simply not the case like if i was 18 years old and i'm the reason why this school is making hundreds of millions of dollars like i would want to cut like i don't think it takes away from the game yeah it's just it's there's gonna yeah i don't know i'm not qualified to talk about this unfortunately i have a mic in front of me yeah what are we called qualified to talk about um if i had to pick one thing yeah i think about what my perfect jeopardy board would be. If I was on Jeopardy and the seven categories popped up, I was like, oh, I'm going to win. I can't fill it.

I can't fill it. Yeah, it's hard enough to give Jeff D'Lo a niche. Right. Can't even figure that out half the time. I'm like, I don't know what I know. Yeah. Pokemon, West Virginia, the Pirates. Probably not. Definitely not. No. yeah because pokemon west virginia the pirates definitely not probably not probably not definitely not um i can't think of i can't think of one celiacs no

how specific can you go with jeff could you be like i want the original 120 pokemon i 150 one but uh yeah. Yeah, you can. But then there's unlimited facts that you can pull from that. So it makes it harder. So there's nothing I can guarantee. You've got to pick something that's finite. Like the capitals. Like the world capitals.

How long would it take for Danny to memorize world capitals, do you think? 17 years. Is that how long it took you? Damn. No. Alright, that's a challenge. This time next week, come in. Our country only?

World. Realistically, I think you could learn it in a week. Okay. How many are there? There's like 200 some. Maybe even less. Maybe 198 198 i'll have to bust out the flash cards you still wearing that large shirt that you're telling everyone about danny loves it every time we ask him about his shirt he says it's a lot i've complimented his shirt twice because he's

wearing like these vintage ones he's like yeah large like it's an accomplice so weird so i've lost i've large danny i've lost my rat tech guy Doug. He won't tell me the lies you make up anymore. I don't get this one. That's not a lie. You've done it twice to me, once to Kyle. I think this is an XL. Then you're lying to us. Add it to the board.

Whatever. The notes app. You guys, you missed out today. 7-Eleven, you didn't have Titus dressed up like a Slurpee. Oh, shit. I'm not a sellout, Danny. It would have to be the little Dixie cup, though, because that's all you're getting. Wait, is it Slurpee Day where you can bring in anything to fill up?

I think that's a myth. You ask for a free Slurpee and they give you a little water cup. You were bringing in a baby pool Down in Florida Me and my boys we were going to the beach one day And we were going to fill up a cooler With all Slurpee and pour vodka in it And just have a fucking day

And we brought the cooler in there like yeah this isn't happening We'll give you an XL cup But that's all you can get Tommy's first job, Tommy Smokes Was at 7-Eleven. And his first day was free slushy day. Shut the fuck up. He said it was the worst day of his entire life.

Didn't the machine break? Oh, I don't know. Their store or something? Oh, my God, I don't know. He tweeted about it. He has a tweet up about it. He's like, that's when a boy became a man. I'm surprised he didn't ever take a gas station job, like, knowing Tommy.

Like, that's one job I would never want because I'd always think I'm getting robbed. And Tommy Sm's being behind the counter. But he's also, he is afraid. He's also the, one of the least afraid people. Yeah. That new video. Yeah.

Do it. Did you see it? No, but I saw the clips. He has balls, gigantic balls. That's crazy. He definitely quit the next day, i don't know tommy is good in adversity through thick and thin could you could you ever do that video that he did the other day fuck no that takes which one tommy doesn't feel shame when he should because i have to look away from all almost all his videos he did a an art exhibit oh that video's out now to unassuming guests yes like the yeah the gallery

like put out an email attracting like real art fans and just did it he i saw a clip of it and i couldn't watch it oh yeah we watched him intentionally um bomb at a comedy show. How painful. It was the worst. But it was so funny, too. Jeez. You ever deal drugs? Like, got really into it? I never really got into it, but I did deal drugs. I feel like everyone has, like, a weed dealing phase.

No. No? That was Mook's thing. Oh, yeah. Yeah, but you, what was your story? Like, you were just smoking it and then like your friends were using you and stealing it yeah right yeah um it was like more of like get an ounce uh sell as much as you can to like break even and smoke for free yeah and

smoke up all of my friends and random people that's why i was never a good drug dealer because i would just smoke all my shit and then it ended up just coming out of my pocket so don't get high on your own supply yeah i didn't read the crack 10 commandments unfortunately i should have is there a crack 10 commandments yeah it's by uh biggie 10 crack commandments oh it's a great song never get high on your own supply is adultery still on there uh that would that would be the uh commandments yeah yeah but i just don't know if it carries one of the religious i think cover your neighbor's wife as one of the yeah don't know if it carries over don't cover your neighbor's wife as one of the commandments don't get high on your own supply thou shalt not

kill isn't it unbelievable that just saying oh my god is breaking a commandment like that's what we're going to go to hell for unless you're not saying it in vain I think you're always saying it in vain unless you're praying unless you're just casually talking about god what if you see like a fit bird and

you're like oh my god that girl's beautiful oh that's lust that's that's not that's a deadly that's not a pain though and if she has a boyfriend coveting oh even if she's not married it's still adultery right because you're not you have to be married to them for it to not be adultery everything's a sin and you should feel guilty for everything amen preach what age do you start checking girls hands for rings because i accidentally asked a girl out and she was engaged and i just felt like an absolute asshole well it's confusing because girls wear rings on all their fingers really now right just for razzle dazzle well cool girls because i think i was talking to you about that titus we had a long conversation yeah and all these rockets start

storming in my face lights up i'm like oh my god this is gonna be great and then i start checking their hand i'm like oh married married married kids oh even worse i feel like what drivers wives and girlfriends at the suite it started raining we had like i wouldn't say we had the suites ourselves it was like the nascar friends and family suite and then um i think the wives and girlfriends hang out more by the pits but then it started raining so they all at once like came into the suite and there was like a snap of the finger where smokes his head was just spinning oh because uh it might surprise you to learn like these these women are very attractive that these nascar drivers are married to rocket did you know they were the wives and girlfriends of the racers i

did well i saw them walk in and i'm like bro these girls are fucking he was on auto force he was barking yeah i was barking and then i think large was like yeah that's that girl's wife so i walked over to titus i'm like you think they're all married he's like yeah dude we're at a fucking nascar race and these are the hottest girls here like of course they're with the fucking drivers and i checked all their hands and they all had rings except one girl but her lock screen was her and her boyfriend kissing so that was checked all the boxes they were all taken or do you cold approach women yeah i think that's the only way i really do it like i don't go on dating apps or anything like that so you walk up and you

buy a drink yeah just say hey what's up i'm nick it's nice to meet you and then go from there is that something you've always done since adolescence? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, no, it probably took me till I was like 20 to truly not give a fuck. But yeah, I mean, once you're out of college and you can't just run a sorority houses and meet bitches like you got to just get over being scared and shoot your shot. Because even if she curves you, you're never going to see the girl again. You might as well shoot and or you do. Yeah yeah but like i'm not scared of getting rejected out of

every 10 how well does that go for you shooting like 60 it's pretty good it's better than 80 yeah that's a lot of money actually yeah no those four would be those four out of 10 would just be etched in my head for every move i ever make yeah i mean like the four out of 10 like i'm overstepping for sure like i'm going for girls that i ever make yeah i mean like the four out of ten like i'm overstepping for sure like i'm going for girls that i have no business talking to but at the end of the day like you never know sometimes you hit that one out of four and you're the fucking man you're a gambler yeah so can girl do girls they do wear a lot of rings but if they're do they ever just put a nothing ring on the engagement finger can you do that that? Maybe to be left alone? Yeah, I know some women do it to be left alone.

But just that reason. Otherwise, that finger's off limits. No, I think some women do it just for fun. I think certain rings, too, are very obviously not engagement rings. That's a cocky move, though. Right, to be like, leave me alone, yeah. I was going to say, if there's not a diamond on that ring finger, I'm spitting game.

I don't care. Why don't guys get them? Because life's not fair. Because guys should be able to cheat and do whatever they want. Did you ever wear that, what's it called? A promissory ring. A clattering. Yes, for a long time.

You should be checking for those smokes. If it's turned one way, it means you're single. If it's turned the other, it means you're taken. What? Wait, did you see that new brand of ring that they get your social security number? You can only buy it once. Yes. If you get it for a girl, and then you start, if you date another girl down the road you can't get her one a dairy ring yeah is that what it's

called yes you have to verify your id to buy it rings are getting too high tech that's crazy yeah but that's a smart that's i like the idea of a ring that tells you like single or not like the coasters at fogo to chow like more meat please or no thanks i'm good what's the ring like how do you know if it's on the single side is like one side red if it's facing if the heart's facing out like the bottom pointy part of the heart's facing out you're saying like come on in all right but like if you're a girl are you really flipping that ring to taken on the first date or is this guy just staring at it on the first date being like um it still says you're uh the approach it's a good question at what point are you flipping the ring around? Is this a ring for a specific event?

Why do you need to have the flipping technology? Can't you just take it off and put it on the other way? But that's what, yeah, you do just take it off. Oh, I thought it was the technology. I thought it was the technology. It's like a letterman jacket. You're wearing your clodder ring out, and then when you guys finally make it official,

you turn it around. Flip it the other way. It's like when troops come home, they flip the flag, right? Is that a thing? I thought like the star on the side of their jackets or whatever. I don't think so. They look backwards because it's supposed to be, the flag is backwards because it's supposed to be like when you're running into battle, the flag's going backwards. Up and in the wind.

Have you guys ever had to play the fake boyfriend role at the bar? No. One of your girlfriends is like getting hit on by a guy. She turns to you. She goes, pretend you uh fake boyfriend role at the bar no yeah your girlfriend's is like getting hit on by a guy she turns to you she goes pretend you're my boyfriend for a little bit so he like leaves me alone i've never had to do that no dude it's so much fun it's great do you ever try to kiss i would feel yeah this is my one chance no i've gotten like caught in the role where i'm like i think we're dating that would be yeah that's a fetish yeah no like sometimes it's like so nice I'm

like why can't this be real yeah like I was so good at that wasn't I yeah like how a Hallmark movie start yeah yeah that was fun wasn't it no that was weird yeah I had the best time she's like now I'm getting attacked by two guys yeah you're worse than the other time she's like now i'm getting attacked by two guys yeah you're worse than the other yeah she has to pivot you guys are alone in the uber trying to kiss her she's like all right he's not he's over it rolls over yeah you know what's weird is trying to be fake boyfriend to

your boy's girlfriend when i've done that before too yeah and like sometimes i like grab your hand i'm like yeah i don't know we should be doing this right now. It's a weird spot to be in. Yeah, have you ever taken, like, your boy's girlfriend, like, out when he's not there? No. Okay. I mean, like, not actually. Like, just to hang out or, like, we're all at the same spot and he's in the bathroom or something? Are you breaking commandments?

Are you being a scumbag? No. No girl with a boyfriend is letting me hit ever. But, like, have you ever, like, But have you ever The boyfriend's gonna meet you out And you gotta start at happy hour with the girl I've seen that situation play out With other people I think it's fine

You ever have to treat a girl like just a human being That's the shit we're talking about I can do it for like 15 minutes Tap out That shit's eerie, dude. It was strange. I can't imagine. Did you make her flip her clotter ring? It's called a clotter ring?

Clotter. It's like an Irish. A lot of us plastic patties wore them back in the day. What's a plastic patty? I grew up, we were like, we're Irish. We were like, we're super crazy proud of our Irish heritage. Like, dropkick Murphys and like, I have a Celtic tramp stamp. Like, there was a phase in the 20s where like, yeah.

But like, and they, in Ireland, they call it like like they look at that and they're like oh those are american plastic patties they're not real they're they're like oh damn fair yeah they place great importance on it that was i feel like my family at large went through a large phase where we were like is there a hope in you that like trends when they circle back that tramp stamps will be coming back i think they are yeah i'm like pretty certain that they are kind of back now didn't i tell you that yeah i think you're the one who said and then he said he was lying is that what you're going off yeah that's where she heard it i kept the part that i liked and then just was that your first tattoo first and only wow

shut the fuck up, really. I didn't know that. That's unbelievable. So the wildly popular tattoo now seems to be like the notebook doodles. Yeah. Like Nicky. But he had them before it was a trend. Yes.

Yeah, these are actually bad. Yeah. What was your first one? Smiley face on my leg. I like it. Thank you. What's the one on your thigh? I have my grandma and the map of Pokemon Red.

I like that. Best guy tattoos, rugby guys. It just hangs halfway down the rugby shorts. The nicest fucking quad. Best legs I've ever seen. They deserve more lust. Titus, I'm shocked you didn't get one in college. Yeah, I don't't know I'm just terrified

To disappoint my parents I think Yeah we're in this type of dude Look at what you're doing now Think your whole body You pissed yourself I know I'm well aware Did they see that? They did they called me

I had to explain to my mom that it was actually better for my career That was the best thing I could have done, Mom. Mom, I got in the group chat. Yeah. It's a big day. No, my parents would have killed me if I got a tattoo. I think I lost that when I turned like 30 or something. I stopped caring about.

I became my own man at 30 is what I'm saying. Okay, yeah. Yeah, so I got time. You're probably that way too, right? Yeah, the exact same way. We are so similar. I think we are. I agree with that.

Not like physically, but we're the same dude. I agree. I don't know why they're laughing. That's true. No, it's true. So check it. Today, I woke up and convinced myself it would be mad funny if I ran a full marathon on the treadmill and then pulled up

right to the yak soaked in sweat that would be funny that would have been great that would have been great yeah what did it have been and then you would have sat down we would have been like kyle you're sweating so i go to do it and then we say what did you do and then you say i just ran a marathon full marathon yeah and then so i went to do it today yes four miles in i'm floating like i'm listening to this derulo remix and i'm like hell yeah i'm feeling omnipotent so i'm like convincing myself so i'm definitely going to do the full marathon but what if i did 30 miles that would be even funnier five and a half miles in i was like, it's not going to be that funny. And B,

I want to quit right now. So I did a quarter marathon, 6.55. That's, yeah, but it was at a nine minute pace. Do you like running? I felt so good afterwards.

Really? Yeah. Do you run normally? No, never. You're not. Cause yeah, I didn't think never more than two

i'm running um three miles on saturday i joined a run club no way yeah i got running shoes in singles thing is that that's the horniest move of all no it's not for pussy bro i'm trying to be sober for at least two weeks and i have to stay stimulated because the second i'm sitting on my couch by myself on a saturday for more than an hour, I'm thinking about drinks and PEDs. But this way, if I run three miles, I'll be stimulated, and I'll have no energy after, and I'll just lay on my couch. You know what's awesome after a run? What?

A fucking beer. I was in a run club when I lived in Delco, and as soon as we were done, the running store would lock, and they had a big beer fridge in the back, and we'd all just drink in the running store. I'm just never going to escape my lifestyle. And Nicky Smoke's going to be in the back of the pack behind those girls

chasing them like a rat on a wheel chasing them. Yeah. You do pair off. Oh God, you're going to find a vulnerable slow. A vulnerable slow? A vulnerable slow? It's like the weakest gazelle. Right, exactly. He he's gonna find the

one that's limping a little bit yeah the other girls are gonna the other girls are just gonna trip one girl so they don't have to deal with it take her oh man wait so you're going sober for two weeks yes that is my goal yeah like you say that every time you're on yeah okay well last time it didn't count right because i had to go to like fucking edmonton florida and then fourth of july weekend first stage denial correct i know i have a slight problem i don't think i'd ever have to go to rehab because i'm just a weekend warrior but now my weekends are trickling into like tuesday that's not so rather than say you're drinking during the week you just extended the weekend correct no no no so i never drink monday tuesday wednesday thursday's a wild card friday guaranteed

saturday guaranteed sunday always guaranteed rest day but then that monday morning i don't feel great tuesday till 12 p.m i don't feel great yeah and then i'm straight yeah you're back to normal wednesday and thursday you start back up so you're of clear mind for like 12 hours a week on the week yeah yeah and it's just when i sleep any given week it's like a 12 hour span you're like i feel good i feel like wednesday that's why like if you see my vibe in the office like wednesday on i'm great monday tuesday i don't say a fucking word bro i'm fighting demons yeah I feel that yeah if you do two days on a weekend you're not your brain is not correct again until like Tuesday night Wednesday especially when you do the shit I do but your two days different shit

your nights out are really long I go out for like four four hours yeah I the Luke's doing two days the drinking like when bars close in Chicago Has flipped my entire schedule Like I'm out till 4 A good amount of time There's only like 2 bars open till 4 though How do you do that? It's just fun, I don't know I sleep all day

Do you mingle at the bars? Oh yeah, I'm mingling I'm not sitting there by myself I don't know I'm never out that late Yeah, you're never, yeah Posted up in the custodian closet Just hanging out at the bar

The second I yawn, I'm like, all right, Uber, Apple. There was one night where I was at Old Town Ale House, which is like my favorite bar in the city, and they were playing Dark Knight on the TV with no sound on. And I was like, I'm not leaving until this is over. That's a good vibe. Were there subtitles? Subtitles, yeah.

There you go. Did your friends stick around with you? Yes. Everybody just stayed at the bar and watched Dark Knight? These are comics, though. Yeah, comics. They're cretins. But Smokes, how are you going to fill your time?

Like post-run club? Yeah. That's the million-dollar question. I'm hoping I just pass out or some bird hits me up to get piped, and then I'm just done. I hate you so much. I'm just being genuine. I do. I'm being honest. No, I know.'m just done. I hate you so much. I'm just being genuine. I'm being honest.

No, I know. I love it. I never sit here and bullshit. I really don't. It's my biggest fear. Being alone in my apartment on the weekend scares me. All right, so fill your time. You have a two-hour run.

I love that. That's heaven. In fact, I have that lined up this weekend. The ball and chain is currently on a flight to Las Vegas, and I cannot wait to get home you're gonna be you're gonna be alone alone can i come no no or congrats congrats yeah how do you get there how do you get there explain that to me like this is where i want to get to in my life you are so mode you're in a stage of life where you are so motivated by women and thrills,

and you're starting at this job, and it's very fun. Yes, it is very fun. Eventually, that will wear out. You'll get older. You'll get more tired, and then you'll crave rest. Eventually, when that Tuesday rolls around, you're going to wake up and feel like shit. And I'm not saying it should happen or that you, you, you are wrong to not have this thought

yet, but eventually it will happen. You'll wake up on a Tuesday. You'll be like, I feel like shit. And I'm sick of feeling like shit on Tuesdays. Right. I should do something about this. And then you just slowly start making changes. And then you realize, I think this is my new life now.

And then you like it. That changes. And then you realize, I think this is my new life now. And then you like it. That's kind of how it happened. That's where I got this whole Tuesday, like two weeks sober thing. I came up with it on Tuesday. And I'm like, maybe I'll try it. Like, I have nothing to lose. But then my birthday is on the 27th. So I'm just going to go fucking crazy.

But if I go sober until my birthday, I feel like I deserve to pop off. Yes. When's the last time you piped a bird sober? damn you might not be able to yeah i also love how piped a bird was slotted for like eight hours in that time yeah yeah maybe i have eight hours you're gonna have sex a hundred times i feel like i like sober sex i probably wouldn't be that dominant i probably last like 10 seconds dominant dominant no like like what do you have what do you have drunk dick like if you get it up you can go you can go for a longer period of time but like sober you're feeling the lap i was dominant oh my god when i get under center

i strike the fear of god my dominance i couldn't tell you the last time i had sober sex that's kind of bad well do you count the morning after does that count are you sober yes yeah yeah okay all right so yeah have you ever won by mercy roll explain that to me have I Like the 10 run roll Like the 10 orgasm roll Slaughter Yeah 10 nothing You go up 10 nothing You're up 10 nothing

On orgasm No I'm selfish When I play the game I care about my buckets And I'm done Like four innings Up by 10 Yeah

I'm done by the first inning I'm getting pulled From the game Maybe I have a second inning In me But that's about it You see the Amish hooping? I know you did

I was obsessed with that The form was I can't judge But it seemed pretty good Pretty good It's telling Because they're not physically gifted people But I think their sobriety

They're so mentally healthy They have time to learn That's a perfect jumper This has to feel like cocaine Skilled Yes This is their cocaine Yeah, exactly mentally healthy. They have time to learn. That's a perfect jumper. This has to feel like cocaine to them. Skilled, yes. This is their cocaine. Yeah, exactly.

This guy has a shooting sleeve on. What? Yeah, he does. Oh my God, he does. I feel like people think the Amish are very wholesome, but they actually have more of a guy hanging out on a BMX bike outside of 7-Eleven type energy early on. You were probably close.

Look how high off the ground he is, bro. That's like a Russell Westbrook jump shot. Look at that. That's an NBA jumper right there. Was that not like a skit for a video or is that just what they do? Sorry, my ringtone got worse. That would be funny if we all got gots.

No, I think they do. They're really good at volleyball. They play volleyball all the time. You see it when you're driving in the countryside. Again they play volleyball all the time i want to see you see it when you're driving in the countryside again it has to be the biggest rush to them i want to see the amish play like rod wave elite like an aau tournament oh my god amish could go to like water parks right or is it indecent i don't know they would go to our walmart i don't know and they had our wal Walmart parking lot had horse and buggy parking in the back of it. Oh yeah. Amish love Walmart.

But there's different levels of Amish too. Well for water park what if they are you saying because they can't wear a bathing suit? Well I don't know. Can they not wear a wetsuit? I don't know. I just I think an Amish person would love a speed slide. Oh yeah. They would love like a sprinkler. They have sprinklers. They have hoses. Oh yeah. They would love like a sprinkler. They have sprinklers. Get them up. They have hoses. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Showerheads? Yeah. Yes. It's just technology, right? Well, everything's technology. Electricity. A wheel, a wedge.

Wait, they don't like electricity? They don't. So how do you have a showerhead if you don't have electricity? I don't know if they do. I think they're bath people. It might be bathed. Yeah. I don't think showers take power. I know if they do. I think they're bath people. They might be bathed. I don't think showers take power.

Yeah, they do. You could shower when the power's out. It's plumbing. Is it? I've never owned a house, bro. I don't know. Hey, Smokes, it's alright. Same job title. Thank you. Me and you, baby. I feel like every now and then the Mormons roll up and whoop people in basketball.

Same deal. Because they're sober. They're so good at trick shots and backflips. That's dude perfect, right? Mormons are too. Like Salt Lake City filled with trampolines. Salt Lake City, handsome and beautiful people. They get the most plastic surgery in the world.

I didn't know that. Most Botox in the world. Mormons? Yeah. Oh, crazy. Yeah, big time. All the mommy influencers. That's like 90% of them.

Every influencer you're like, wow, they're beautiful. Mormon. Mormon. Yep, super hot. What's the difference between a Mormon and an Amish? Oh, Mormon is- Everything. Two separate groups.

A Mormon you can't tell. They like walk among us. Yeah us They dress cool a lot of times They do have to wear a certain undergarment Don't they? So they say Utah's geography doesn't match It's population There's like

Beautiful mountains, sand dunes, cliffs Canyons They should be filled with exotic exotic war boys with dreadlocks. Yeah. Not Mormons. That was a weird place for them to settle. Were they pushed out there? Yeah, I think so.

Yeah. Right? Their leader made them feel like they were. Okay. Are they young? Yeah. Right? Or no, there was an older guy.

All right, Mormon history. John Smith. John Smith Smith Sophia with an F What? No She's a Mormon? No liar She was on Call Her Daddy That was the whole thing

A Mormon always talking about sex I thought they set up in Utah because nothing was there I think that's it. This is where people will leave us alone. Yeah. I've never been out there. I would love to go. They do all the fancy sodas.

Yeah. It's like their Starbucks is like a place called Swig and there's like a line of cars a hundred long for them to get Coca-Cola with creamer in it. And that's the hot ticket.

They're what people think Denver is. Because that's where the mountains are right there. Oh, yeah? Right there. And they're not Denver. They're not. Denver is far away. Yeah, but you can...

They're accessible, but it's like... Yeah. Yeah. Are they in Boulder? Oh, getting closer, yeah. Oh, you were just there. Flatirons are in Boulder, but the skiing and all that shit, you've got to go deep into the mountains.

Okay. And it's like, yeah, if you live in Denver, it's like a three-hour drive or something, maybe more. Wow. To get into the mountains, I think. I don't know, I'm talking about it. But it's like when you go to the city, you're like, oh, the mountains are all the way over there.

Way far. And I think the way East Coast people think of Denver is like it's a mountain town. That's what I thought, yeah. When I was on my flight to Canada, I thought I was in Denver because I've never seen mountains before that had snow on them. And that's what I imagine. What do they got, the Rockies, right? Yeah.

I thought the Rockies were. No, Denver is funny to go to your first time because it's very obvious that people were moving west and they got to the mountains and they saw them in the distance. They're No, Denver's funny to go to your first time because it's very obvious that people were like moving west and they got to the mountains and they saw them in the distance and they're like,

fuck that. Wait, is it as soon as you can see the guy? Yeah, like you can see the mountains and you're like, yeah, fuck that. Let's just set up

a city right here. I don't want to go any further. And that's... I always wanted to go there. It looks beautiful. The Chinese being able to build a train to Tibet is crazy. Did they do that?

Yeah. Those are like inaccessible. They did it. Engineers said it was impossible. Are we still getting that like high speed railway? That's never going to happen. Was that just like some bullshit meme? That's never going to happen.

Which one's that? There's a lot of them. There's always like the US map. The one that's like connecting all the main cities. There's always like the US map that goes viral. Connecting all the main cities. You could live in Chicago and commute to New York in 45 minutes. We did just get a train from Miami to Orlando back home in Florida. High speed? It takes

like two and a half hours. It usually takes like three hours to drive. That sucks. That's a whole half hour you're saving. It took like 15 years to build it. US is too big. Yeah, that's true. That's a whole half hour you're saving. It took like 15 years to build it, but. I just, US is too big. Yeah, that's true. China's big. Yeah.

China's bigger. Yeah. Second biggest. Yeah. Right? No. Russia, Canada, China, US. US is bigger than China?

Brazil, China than Brazil maybe? Okay. Are there any like live street cams in China that are just... Constantly. That's how you see all the... No, you don't want to check them out. Yeah, check it out. Yeah, everything they do is filmed. China has a social credit score.

And you have to be above a certain level to be able to leave the country. What? That's real? I saw that. Really? Yeah, I believe so. Based on what are the metrics? I have no idea.

I think it's like if you pay your bills on time, like what I saw. Do you pay your bills on time? Have you been convicted of any crimes? Can you blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I don't hate it. Oh, hell yeah. I mean, we have an actual credit score as well, I suppose. Yeah, but it doesn't restrict us from traveling.

It restricts us from owning homes. Correct. That's a great animal. That is a great animal. They're goofy. Are they? Like, I don't. They, even without humans, they would probably naturally go extinct, right?

All they do is fall. Yeah, I don't understand how they... Like, why are we trying to protect the, they're funny, and we like to look at them. Because they're cute, yeah. Is that the only reason we're trying to... Literally, yeah. They don't keep anything in balance, right? Are those the ones that just eat eucalyptus? Is this live China?

Yes. Bamboo or eucalyptus? It's all they do. If we let the U.S. take. If we let nature take its course, pandas would be long gone. Yeah, I agree. We're forcing them. I'd love to roll around with one, though.

You know what I mean? They could maul you, right? They don't bite like that. I don't know if they're hostile or not. What does an aggressive panda look like? I've never even conceptualized one. It just gives you a big hug. They're all just like lazily doing that. I mean, TJ, can you do like a... This is a rerun. I've

seen this before. Can you go to YouTube and can we just throw up a clumsy panda compilation? Wait, can you Google panda sneeze? It's my favorite video. That's like the first YouTube video. I know, yeah. It's one of my favorites. Pandas aren't aggressive, huh? They're just never... Has there ever been a context of a panda losing its mind?

I don't think so. They're always just doofuses. Yeah, they are. Look. Uh-oh. They should be long gone. Where does he think he's going? I love them.

He's stuck. But this is why we keep them around. You watch this. You're like, we can't lose this. That's me trying to jump off the boat. How much money are we spending in conservation? So we can just have this. That's me trying to jump off the boat. How much money are we spending in conservation? That looks like a person. He's so embarrassed.

There was a zoo in China. That was a shameful walk of faith. Oh no. Oh yeah, we gotta keep him alive. The food. He's like shredding the guitar right now. Oh my god. That does look like a human.

Right? In a bear suit. That's a fucking bear. Now is that Chinese laughter I'm hearing? It doesn't seem like they're finding it funny. I've never heard Chinese laughter. Is there a sound effect? Oh, they're laughing.

This is like them watching the Three Stooges perform. They're probably all so depressed. Everyone's just laughing at everything they do. Mark, they've mauled This is like them watching the Three Stooges perform. They're probably all so depressed. Everyone's just laughing at everything they do. Mark, they've mauled as recently as this April. Whoa. Oh, no. Like really hurt somebody? A zookeeper.

Or they just fell on top of them. Yeah, are they just too strong for their own good? I wonder what the final straw is for a panda. Wait, are they the only? How do you piss off a panda? How do you make that thing mad? Are they the only bear that eats no meat? Koala?

Or do they eat meat? I don't know. Can we look? I know koala bears have STDs. They're not actually bears. Oh, really? They have horrible... Yeah, I think they all have chlamydia.

How'd they get that? I don't know. I don't know. Sucking and fucking, probably. Sucking and fucking, yeah. That math checks out. Yeah. You can get chlamydia from just like holding one right I don't think I think it's uh koala chlamydia like it's like they're oh it's a different a human non-transfer human chlamydia and not the chlamydia smoke size yeah okay yeah vegetarian vegetarians sometimes Chill. Okay, yeah, vegetarian. Vegetarian, yeah. Sometimes.

Hell yeah. I love them. They're great. Do we have them at the Chicago Zoo? Not the Lincoln Park Zoo, but maybe the one further up. I heard that was a good zoo. Brookfield. I think you'd know.

Zoos having pandas is a big deal. Is it? Yeah. No, they don't have pandas. Yeah, what's the number one zoo animal? Is it a panda? Lion? I think giraffe. As far as like getting the public to, like on the local news is like we have blank at

the local zoo now. It's got to be panda. Baby giraffes and baby hippos. Anything baby is going crazy. And baby pandas I feel like are the top three. Well, that's a spectacle whenever there's a baby panda right maybe something albino

I'd drive to see something albino blue lobster maybe I'd get up for a rhino I saw a baby rhino in the Cleveland Zoo good zoo Lincoln Park had one a couple years ago but it's a free zoo

seen a lot of skinny lions. That zoo has the most spending money out of any zoos. When they ask for donations, they have to cut it off because they get so much. Really? People feel guilt. Yeah. KB, I feel like you would know this, but why did the designer title his song Panda? Why would I know that?

I feel like that's something you would have in your bag. You know? No. I'm trying to find out right now. It says white 86 look like a panda. It's about a car. Yeah, yeah. That was car. It's black and white. Black and white phantom. White 86 look like a panda. Spit. Panda, a panda, a panda.

Have we ever heard from him since? Is that designer with two eyes? Oh, yeah. Lowercase. Cool. I wonder what he's up to. I wonder what 6ix9ine's up to. I think Designer got arrested recently for jerking off on a plane or something. Designer?

Yeah, he did. He did the check. Designer claims his masturbation arrest was a result of his vegan diet. He was just listening to the act that day. Stephen Chay did it, so can I. I'm Designer. What, he blamed his veganism?

Yeah. That's crazy. They caught the Philly guy who nutted on the lady in the luxury. Oh, good. What? That woman sounded horrified. It felt awful for her. And then Meek Mill put out a hit on that guy.

Did you see the shirt he was wearing? It's not going to lick itself. It was like a candy cane. Meek Mill tweeted two bans on whoever gets this guy he's like publicly put out well he he what did he do walked into a store and nutted on a woman's leg that seems what yes that's a felony yeah that's a sex crime absolutely oh he was it took over look at that shirt took over philly social media yesterday and they found him in like 20 minutes people wanted to kill him i like to believe that's like a Christmas shirt with a candy cane on it.

It's not going to lick his shirt. They could have put a lollipop. They put a candy cane. That's a Christmas shirt. Having a candy cane in the middle of summer would be funny. That's a Barstool Sports ugly sweater. With a nice glass of eggnog. Just lick at a candy cane at a bar.

That's terrible. You said you drink eggnog year-round more than just Christmas, right? Yeah, it should be. Yeah, of course. Any good-tasting food or food stuff should be consumed whenever. I agree. You think fireworks should not just be on the

4th of July? I don't know, because that's a loud thing. If somebody was doing fireworks every night, I'd be fucking annoyed. I like that contained to one day. Me too. Maybe two. New Year's Day? Eve?

Night? Sure. You're a fireworks guy, Danny? I dabbled in some on this 4th with a guy here, Dan Lance. So you don't care about veterans? I care about veterans. Dogs? Dogs.

They were terrified. Yeah. I think dogs kind of like that doggy Xanax here and there. Oh, yeah. You have to give them Xanax. Do doggy Xanax work on humans? Because I know if you have an STD that needs an antibiotic but don't have insurance, you can go to a pet store and get fish antibiotics. Oh.

Because I think that works the same. You do know that because if you ever i think like a lot of homeless people will steal fish antibiotics and they'll smell fishy and because yeah i'll be damned that's crazy i think yeah or so i've heard i'm guessing do you want to hear a fun fact Because we were just talking about zoos and people taking animal medicine. If you are too large of a person, if you're obese, they will take people here to like the Lincoln Park Zoo, a big guy, and put them on like what a walrus would go on. Oh, the treadmill thing? How demoralizing would that be? That would have to be.

Oh, my God. Kill me. You're waiting in line behind the manatee. That is tough. tough gotta start somewhere sorry you can't use something that's made for humans brutal i feel like that was like the top jerry springer episode i remember from my childhood was when they craned that guy out of his house someone else remember that he got craned he like took the wall down and craned him out. And Jerry Springer was like, we're going to change your life. I don't know if they did or not.

Have you ever seen What's Eating Gilbert Grape? Yes. Oh, yeah. She was going to the zoo. You are telling the country and them that you are serious and you want to save your life. I'm serious. I don't want to die. I was like crying when I was a kid watching this.

We can start now. They're ready. Come on. These people got to be pissed that they weren't around for like Thousand Pound Sisters to actually make money off the show. But this was like all way before that stuff. And this like sticks out in my mind. This is really, I feel horrible pity. Yeah.

That's tough That's what happened I don't I just remember that part Sticking out in my mind Is that person still living? I don't know I don't know I just know it was like

Summertime and I was eating lunch Watching Jerry Springer As a kid Give it plus 450 odds Danny have you done the gauntlet? Yeah Plenty of times Twice I've never done the gauntlet? Yeah, plenty of times. I've never done the gauntlet. You haven't?

Never. We have Caroline in town, too. She's going to do it. Yes, Caroline and her boyfriend. Yes, you have. I've never done it. Weird. Nope.

He hasn't because he's told me plenty of times that he hasn't. No, you've done it. I've never done it. I'm pretty sure. You've never done it? Nope. Not once. Neither has Danny.

Danny's never done it? I've done it. We've got never done it nope not once neither is danny what's that sounds danny's i've done it we gotta have okay you guys are doing it now all right danny you're first go do you know it um yeah don't play cool bag soccer baseball baseball football you want somebody to walk with you? No, I got it. Oh, we need Malasek. Malasek. Well, Danny trips a lot, right? Get Connor, too, because Shay's not here. Oh, Danny, he might.

Fell downstairs. That was just one day. Oh. I was isolated. Cut his mic. Your shirt, is it supposed to be a furry? Or it just looks like... Is that...

Yeah. I like that. High Noon. The moment everybody's been waiting for is finally here. The High Noon Pool Pack is back. So grab a case, text the group, and get your friends to the nearest pool. It's only here for the summer, so now it's time to enjoy lime, peach, and two limited edition flavors, guava and kiwi.

As always, the High Noon Pool Pack is made with real vodka and real juice, has 100 calories, is gluten-free, and no added sugar. Visit highnoonspirits.com to find a pack near you. Yum, yum, yum. Talking about gauntlet, I've been asked not to share too much details, but we had some interns do some gauntleting for Viva TV this week. Yeah, I witnessed that. And wah-wah-wee-wah. Yeah.

I looked over the balcony, and I thought it was a joke. I was stunned. And it was people you wouldn't expect. Watch Viva TV on Friday. It's something. No, I genuinely was questioning whether this one specific person has ever ran before. Who do we think is going to do better? The coordination was crazy. I think Danny is going to do better? The coordination was crazy.

I think Danny is going to whoop Nicky Smokes. Yeah, this is a pretty fair matchup here. If we're doing head-to-head. If we're entertaining that idea that there will be one winner amongst these two. Smokes is a sneaky athlete.

Is he? Yeah, he's good. He's good at a lot of things. Danny is a sneaky athlete and it pains me to say is he? yeah he's good he's good at a lot of things but like Danny is amongst most things he's like a Swiss Army knife yeah the idea of Danny

being bad at anything doesn't sit well with me right so I don't think he has a weak spot really he self admittedly is a bad kisser

oh he did say that and she did admit that we were with somebody that oh that's right backed up the story yeah you're a bad kisser oh the bad kisser thing that's not a lie you did tell me that he's like inaccurate right no he didn't this is not a lie he's not good at it i'm curious to see how uhorkle treats Mr. Smokes I think that's where my time gets fucked Yeah that'll be interesting

But you never know you might get a category That's you know Birds to pipe down Top ten birds to pipe down He's stuck on opposite of yes Later He's stuck on opposite of yes. Later. Oh, God damn it.

I knew I should have worn my shoes today. Any time, will you, Frank? I wear these every day, though. You do? I'm just a comfy boy. Those are sick, though. Thank you. They got Barstool ones dropping soon.

Oh, shit. Really? I'm first on the list. Well, after Dave. So I'm technically second. My goal is to gauntlet by the end of the summer. I feel like Conrad needs to have kids to wear those shoes. No, those are cool. Those are 550s.

No, the dad shoes are the thicker, bigger ones. The Nike ones, right? New Balance and Nike. Air Monarchs are hip now. Or probably just were you don't have to have kids to have dad clothes no what about the shoes though no you have to at least be good on the grill like you have to have some attribute to wear those shoes no because you could also be really dorky and wear those yeah they're like ironic yeah danny are you nervous as fuck i'm not gonna lie i pride myself on my athleticism

so i'm actually kind of nervous for this are we ready okay connor are you chay in this scenario and others um all right let's let's go let's do it let's go dann, let's go. Let's do it. Let's go, Danny. Let's go, DC. Three, two, one, go. Good toss. It's farther than usual.

Is it? Yes. Uh-oh. Danny, you fucking idiot. Oh,oh. Danny, you fucking idiot. Oh, no. Oh, Danny. Oh, no, Danny. Oh, no.

No. He's playing not to lose. You're at three minutes, Danny. Oh, shit, Danny. Hey. Good adjustment. Atta babe. Beautiful last shot. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Legal. From the line. Uh-oh. Oh, my God. Oh, it's a wrap. Oh! Oh. That's a no one void.

Oh, a direct mic hit. Wow. Did that take out that mic? Nice little thump. That's what's going to get me. I suck at baseball. Oh, boy. Oh, no, Danny.

There you go. Wow. Danny. Oh, Danny. There you go. Wow. Danny. Oh, damn. You knocked them all down. Who's going to say damn, Daniel? Sounds like you. I don't want to.

Tidies, you can. Go, babe. Go, babe. Go, go. He's acting like he doesn't watch this religious thing. Snipe. He's doing the mince. Oh, no. He did the mince.

That's good for Conrad. Conrad. He did the mincing. Attaboy. That's good. That looks good. Oh, air ball. Oh, no.

Oh. He had a shot at redemption after that football throw. Oh my god, man. This breaks your heart, Titus, doesn't it? Yeah, it does. It's aggravating. It can break anyone's heart, yeah. There it is.

There we go. Wet. All right, Daniel. There it is. There we go. Wet. All right, Daniel. Still decent, under three. Start with the higher numbers. All right, Brady Bunch, Greg, Alice, Jan. All right. Peter, Bobby. Chris Paul teams. Jan. All right. Peter.

Bobby. Chris Paul teams. Martha. Chris Paul team. Sons. I haven't read all that. World Series teams. Cubs.

Three face cards on poker. Oh. King, Jack, Queen. How many do I need? One more. One more. Chris Balting. MLB team never won a World Series position.

Harry Potter. Harry Potter never won a World Series. Harry Potter. The Golden Snitch Seeker. Seeker. That should do it. Time.winner World Series. Harry Potter. The golden snitch seeker. Seeker. That should do it. Time. Nice.

334. Not bad. Without basketball, that's a good time. Basketball killed me. You saved it. You made it. Are you not a hooper? Good spork over on that. I don't really hoop here, no.

Beater, keeper, chaser. This was a... I was very... He hasn't done it. I'm putting myself in the bags. You're a Brady Bunch guy, though. That's a Nickyunch guy, though. That's a Nicky Smokes playbook.

Those aren't Quidditch positions. Beater, keeper, beater, chaser. Wait, that's his checklist. I'm going to seeker, beater, chaser, beater. I'm going to beater, and then I'm keeper. That's fucking good. That's his checklist. I don't beat women.

But all the rest. I don't do. So after I throw the first one, can I hold the other ones in my hand? You can grab as many as you want on the first, but you just have to wait until we count you down. All right, ready? Yep.

Nope. Nope. Nope. All right, now are you ready? Yeah. Wait. Nope. No.

Nope. We're trying to find a fresh sporkle for you. Stop fucking me up. Don't give me the hardest sporkle ever. It's TJ. It's random. Ready? Ready? Ready? Three, two, one, go.

Come on, smokes. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh boy. Smokes doesn't know bags. He doesn't know bags. Not he did. Doesn't know.

Go get him. Come on. Cheesy. It's cheesy? Cheesy? I think he's under a lot of pressure right now. He's thinking about all the fit birds watching at home. Oh!

Okay. All right. 40 seconds on that. Oh! Oh, my. Oh, my God! Oh, my God! What the fuck?

What the hell? He's got the ball in his life. What the fuck? How did that even happen? Oh my god! What the fuck? What the hell? Never kicked a ball in his life. What the fuck? How did that even happen? What day is today? It's been sober too long. Uh oh.

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh, man. There you go. Nope. Nope. Oh, oh, oh. Hit mouse.

Strike two. Oh, no. Strikeout? Oh, he struck out. He struck. First K. He struck himself out. Put the lift in with a ball.

Oh! Oh. Damn it. What do we think? Do I have hope? Yes. Yeah. You're probably chilling. Yeah, you're good. Wait, is that an empty bucket?

Oh, he emptied the bucket. Might be an empty bucket. Don't tell me he empty bucketed. Okay. There you go. Gone. That was strong. Are they talking shit? He's getting cherished.

He's getting chirped. Oh, no. I'm not going can make a madness. I'm out of breath. That's tough. That's tough. He's got zodiac signs on his sporkle. You think he knows those?

Uh, yeah. Probably studied them. Probably, yeah. He had to. Dating purposes. Yeah, I was going to say, for... got zodiac signs in a sport pool you think he knows those uh yeah probably studied probably yeah he had to dating purposes yeah i was gonna say for bird purposes a lot better about myself i had buddies that did that learn the signs probably helps oh yeah dude's learning what's compatible with the other signs whatever the girl would say they would say the most compatible I don't even know but like I'm this are we would that work this is crazy

what was whoo there you go Danny what was your time 3334 trivia, trivia. Leo. Sagittarius. What's that bitch's dumb shit? Cancer. Capricorn. He's a scumbag. Detroit Red Wings Oilers

Edmonton Oilers Of course Was that no good? Cancer Leroy Sagittarius I gotta go back to the well Oh my god

This is so hard Five NFL players To have caught A pass from Peyton Manning Tom Brady Wes Walker Fuck Who else Who else No not Daenerys Thomas They pass from Peyton Manning, Tom Brady. Wes Walker. Fuck, who else, who else?

No, not Daenerys Thomas. Two dogs breeded together to make a cockapoo? No clue. Michael Jackson had kids? Sorry, we had to find out. I'm fucked, dude, fuck! You're fine, you're fine. Cockapoo.

Fuck. NHL teams you should be able to get. Go back to that one. Tampa Bay Lightning. No. Calgary Flames. Calgary Flames. Oh, no.

Bruins. Boston Bruins. New York Rangers. Islanders. Two more. Will Smith movies. Oh, where do you see that? Ten live action movies featuring Will Smith.

Hancock. And Bad Boys. No Hitch? No Bad Boys. What? Without sequels. Without sequels? Oh my god, there's got to be one more.

Will Smith. This guy, one more. There's one more. It's almost like the world's ending around you right now. Leo, Cancer, Sagittarius, Capricorn. Five minute close. What's the other? Oh, no.

Drags. China. Antarctica. Not Hawaii. Canada. Canada. Not Hawaii. Hawaii. What are you saying?

What is he looking at? Five countries located closest to Antarctica. Oh, Canada? Country. Where's Antarctica? It's up north. Hawaii. What are you looking at? Five countries located closest to Antarctica. Oh, Canada? Country. What's south of the equator? Five countries located closest to Antarctica. Chile. There you go.

That's a good pull. Why didn't you say Hawaii? I did say Hawaii. I know. That is such a bad time, bro. That's terrible. I told you the baseball was going to fuck me, bro. I suck say Hawaii. I know. That is such a bad time, bro. That's terrible. I told you that baseball was going to fuck me, bro. I suck at baseball.

It's my worst sport. And the bags fuck me. Usually bags are my best friend, but in this case, they're not. I'm embarrassed. That Brady Manning question is very niche. I just knew Wes Welker. Yeah, that's it. Was it they both threw a touchdown, too?

It was just a pass Just a pass Yeah That's hard What were they Austin Colley Yeah I didn't know the other guys Hold on

Aries I should have knew that Geminis or the devil Torrance Small Don't know Libras Pisces I should have knew those

I should have just hit All 12 of those Pays to be a fuckboy though if I didn't get those I was fucked That's bad What page is that TJ? 6? 3 3 of 4 I'm a loser that's bad Amora Magic beat you

That's bad 524 is the exact average For the length of a classical song That seems long of a classical song. That seems long. Oh, a classical song. Classical. Okay. Anybody want to guess what the shortest length song average is?

Minute 30. What does that mean? Like what the genre is? What do you mean? A genre. Hip hop. No, hip hop is... Oh, screamo.

Like punk. Punk is the lowest. Yeah, those are always quick 258 which is even seems high hip-hop's 354 that seems high it is high prog rock of course the longest a lot of repeated choruses no prog metal is the longest 640 you guys ever get i had a roommate that listened to tool all the time i don't't get it. Tool fans love Tool. They do. They feel smart.

They do. I don't get Tool. What is Tool? I've heard. It's complex metal. And it all sounded the same to me. And he would blare it 24-7.

It's complex metal. Have you ever listened to Math Rock? No, what's that? It's riffs based off equations. It's not great, in my opinion. Yeah, not for me. Should we get Caroline down here?

Yeah, she really wants to do the call. Can I pose a question to the class I asked on my Twitter yesterday? Of course, Danny. Have you ever seen a girl sitting in a recliner? Hello. I don't know like recline back could you sit in a recliner and use it appropriately the first couch you probably sit it with your legs like this the first couch i ever bought that was like not a hand-me-down was i was a lazy boy recliner just wow okay you're right that is a we were we were talking about like

girls hate lazy boys, generally speaking, and we're like, yeah, they don't know how to lounge. Chicks don't pick couches for comfort. That's true. Chicks don't know how to chill out. They don't. They're always running around tidying things up, and I feel like they're never going to recline.

Because someone's always running around making a mess. True. No, you're not wrong. But the point remains. Yeah. I feel like they have guilt of like fully reclining i've done like 12 hour reclining horizontal couch sessions with no shame with no shame i feel like a chick has never done that i push the pieces of my couch together so it's just one big square and i

don't get off of it no the entire day the entire day i had an uncle who'd always come to like a family dinner sunday he would just drink four dirty martinis and pass out on the recliner the whole day. I'm like, I want to be there one day. It sounds lit. My pop-up used to do that. Yeah. I feel like once you break 50, that's what you look forward to. Yeah.

Getting hammered and falling asleep. The chair is like molded to your body. Yeah. Perfect fit. At what age do you think you'll stop caring about appearance, clothes, diet, weight? I think I'm there. Caroline's here. Caroline, come on in.

Come on in, Caroline. Oh, hey. Caroline has some shows up at Zany's in Rosemont. Yes, Rosemont tonight. She's got an hour. I heard Nick say, Tool fans love Tool. Yes. That's a great sentence. I would never have guessed that Tool fans love Tool That's a great sentence I would never have guessed that Tool fans love Tool

Tool fans love Tool There are some fans that like things And Tool haters hate Tool And Tool haters hate Tool There are some fans that hate their thing Tool fans love to talk about Tool It's so unsettled There's a

lot of fans that hate their thing yeah Star Wars fans hate Star Wars oh yeah they love to like pick things apart yeah like Matt some would say yak fans depends on the people

isn't love and hate so similar yeah no mostly it's a fine fine line fine fine line what's going on Caroline how Chicago Chicago's great it's a fine fine line fine fine line what's going on caroline how's chicago chicago's great it's honestly like i've really never uh like walked around chicago i did yesterday it's it's a lovely place you guys have got going on yeah thank you um a lot of the restaurants close at like 9 30 which was a little frustrating really that's to keep us from heartburn

totally i see because everyone here is a little bit thicker a little bit thicker um but uh yeah great place it is i love what you've got going on thanks we've all worked really hard on it i think yeah chicago nice yeah i love what you guys have done with the place that river those bridges they weren't there until everyone moved here yeah well i they had they had like that sparkle about them where i was like oh oh, this has Nikki Smokes all over it. That's cum. Have you two ever had a conversation? Oh, me and Nikki Smokes?

Yeah. Our first conversation, I'm pretty... Oh, I don't know if I can say that on YouTube. Because of the HR report? You'll get flagged for the... Nikki, no. Yeah, no, we had a good conversation. We had a great conversation.

Can we use code? Yeah, I called him what some call drake oh that was your first conversation i think i called him that accusatory or playfully certified oh like playfully playfully yeah we're friends i was like oh that's a nice way to introduce yourself and it was a good icebreaker though i thought it was funny yeah the old pedophile what's upophile guys favorite pedophiles Caroline was doing a Martin stream well that's that's like the Drake song like the Drake this was hot and I was like certified love boy certified pedophile I think that's where that came from right mm-hmm I think I thought about what we were talking about

like what we're all like really good at like mega making money is like when there's a volleyball net out like I just know I'm about what we're all really good at. Megan McMahon is like when there's a volleyball net out. I just know I'm about to really shine. And I was like, yeah, it's like Nikki Smokes when there's underage girls at the bar. That's what it was. Okay. That plays. That'll play.

How is New York? New York's good. Yeah, it's great. How's Clemmer? Clemmer's great. He had a cute outfit at the office. Was it a sweater? It wasn't a sweater, but it was a cute button-down with a pattern on.

He looked nice. Yeah, everyone's doing good. What else? Has the air conditioning been fixed there? Well, I traveled here yesterday, so I didn't hear about the air conditioning being messed up. But I guess that's like the big thing. 79 degrees in the office. Yeah, you guys have like, you know, the basketball court.

We have the air conditioning. Yeah. But yeah, things are good. Listen, it's hot in some spots here, too. We have the infrared sauna and it is blazing. Oh, you guys have a sauna. Yeah, so it's hot as fuck, too. So I don't want to hear the complaints.

Steam tower, steam room gets pretty hot. The coal tub is fucking freezing. Yeah. I hate that, yeah. The ice tub. Well, we don't even need ice, and it's just set at 30 degrees. You just hop in there. Oh, that's really cool. Yeah, it's nice.

Are you nervous about the gauntlet? You know, I actually, like, I'm not sure all the things I have to do, so it's the cornhole. Don't look. Mookie will be your sidekick. Oh, Mookie? Okay. Little Mookie. Mookie. Yeah, I am nervous, but then

I've seen all the people who've done it and I'm like, well, surely I'll be okay. You won't. You should be better than me. I think your odds of being on the first page of scores are significantly higher than the last page of scores. Were you an athlete growing up? Well, you have to remember I was

homeschooled, so the bar was off. Ah, that's right. You played basketball, though, right? I did, but I played homeschool Christian basketball. Oh. How does that work? In the driveway? It was only homeschool Christian kids, and we played other homeschool Christian kids. Oh.

And we had- They put you guys up against each other? We had. Not only did we have state, but we had nationals. What? Really? You just play at one of your yards every time? There's a Christian homeschool. National. there's a homes there's a christian

homeschool national there's a christian national homeschool oh yeah okay yeah is it is it co-ed uh well i mean there's like boys teams and there's girls teams oh okay depends if you have a brother or sister right yeah is your mom your actual teacher or do they hire like tutors i always wonder it depends on like how you go about it like that's the thing is like that's so cool about homeschooling is like you can like really decide how well your kid is educated so like like i for me personally it was like yeah my mom's my teacher and then a certain age it was like another uh homeschool christian mom who had like you know a master's in science i don't know like would teach us all science you know, a master's in science, I don't know, like would teach us all science.

You know what I mean? Right. Interesting. Yeah. There's a lot of like superstar athletes do that so they can just train all day. Yeah. Yeah, I wouldn't say that that was the case. No.

But yeah, a lot of people. And there were actually some homeschooled Christian basketball players who went on to play in the NBA. Oh, shoot. Like who? Really? Like Justin Jackson. He was on the Houston one. some homeschooled christian basketball players who went on to play in the nba oh shoot like who really like justin jackson he was on the houston one um mariah jefferson was on also on the it was only the houston team that was really good but um okay so they're out there they're out there so you might crush me yeah you we're about to see on the gauntlet love it do you have a rosary do you

own a rosary so that's catholicism yeah which unpopular opinion sometimes i get dms about this but we did not believe the same thing according to our what was your branch we were like southern baptist oh they don't do the rosary we don't do the rosary no or saints right no no saints no saints you ever go to like a mega church of course yeah fog machine unless it's a hurricane and then it's barred shut Right Is there communion? Oh yeah there was communion

Confirmation? No confirmation I did communion and confirmation Same here Do you know the Ten Commandments? I dabble The most heinous man I've ever met also confirmed me Right to bear arms. What?

What? Yeah, what? The bishop? Oh, yeah. Oh, was he also your teacher? No, the bishop wasn't our teacher. The bishop was just there for... The kid.

Like all the worst crimes. Yeah. Oh, he did it. He lived in luxury. Yeah, he had the biggest house in the city. Boy pawns. Yeah, he spent all of the church's money, all of the people's money on gemstones.

Like in the biggest bar, I guess. Yeah. Oh, yeah, he was a raging alcoholic. Loved gems. It was the Philly bishop, but he... Bevilacqua? No, no, before him. And they sent him, his punishment for sleeping with younger boys

was to send him to Wheeling, where the boys are less cute. That's my bad, guys. Yeah. It's your fault. Then he got re-exiled. Then he got sent to Rome. So like, sorry, you're too bad for Wheeling.

You've got to go to Italy. Bransfield was his name. Michael Bransfield. Michael J. Bransfield. Yeah, don't dox him. All right. A lot of the priests under his tutelage also had to go to AA. They were like boozing. Oh, I believe it.

Well, that's fun. Caroline, get out of here. Okay, I need to walk through a little bit. Okay, so you're going to go cornhole. Cornhole. To soccer. Oh, to soccer. Yes.

You have three shots on the line. But what happens if I don't make the shots? I have to go get the ball. If you don't make the shots, then it's a free-for-all. You can score from anywhere. Oh, but I have to shoot those on the line. Yes. Okay, okay, okay.

Then you go to wiffle ball, red bat, hit a home run. I'm kind of nervous. I feel like I have to pee. And then you turn around. You'll get extra points if you do it during the gauntlet i might pee my pants that's like a common thing i do uh then you go football throw it at one of the bottles okay you have to get your own rebound on football oh oh over to basketball make a three-pointer and then you take it to the other take it to the other side three-pointer. And then you take it to the other side, three-pointer. Then you come back right here, answer 10 Sporkle questions. You can answer any Sporkle question from any category. It counts as one.

Libra Aries. Yes. Cornhole. Soccer. Soccer. Wiffle ball. Yep. Walk her through a move.

Football. Yep. Top the key, top the key. Do the brand. You're ready. Okay. Have we done game time? No, we have not. Game time? Did you know that you can get

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GameTime, code YAK. GameTime. Get out there. Live life. Hell yeah. price guaranteed game time code yeah game time get out there live life go go see stuff and use game time to do it all right all right let's rock and roll cornhole

green line okay drop the bag are we ready TJ but then you can hold as many as you want Okay. Oh, I have not yet. Drop the bags. Are we ready TJ? Hold on, do you wanna have time? Until we start, I can't take the phone. But then you can hold as many as you want.

Yeah, yeah, I don't want you. All right, ready? Yep. Three, two, one, go. Damn it. Woo, almost. Hell yeah. Ah. Tough. Almost Oh yeah Tough There you go

Double bags Do you know she's opening up for a band tomorrow night? Do you know who's Hi girl What band? Hilary Duff's husband. Oh, wow. The Bonetka Bowling League, yeah.

Oh, what? Is she singing? No. Oh, comedy. Damn. And, like, he had them, he reached out to her. Oh, no. The bucket of balls.

Oh, he just, he gave her another one. Yeah, another kid. They just had another kid. Horrendous name, I think. Oh, no, I didn't see it. Forget it. There we go. She's kind of killing it.

Yeah. Ripping it. She's got a good shot. Woo! Yeah. Oh, she's got a jump shot. Holy shit. Oh.

I got to go to Christian school, dog. Oh, my God. Trivia, trivia. 118, 119. Oh, I don't know. What? You can pick any. Any in any order.

Ten total in any category. How does Mambo number five go? We can't really tell you. Jack Black, Ten tenacious d three forms of public transportation in new york oh where's that metro bus subway bus walking uh taxi i don't know there you go that's private um four cities okay god where's that um live action toy story no i'm just kidding um what's live action actors like humans yeah not nine live action movies oh like big um uh castaway uh what else is tom Hanks been in? Oh my God.

Eight States with No Billionaires is one. Seven Softball. Ohio? I don't know. Can't sit here, Mook. Tom Hanks. Nobody would ever get that cake. Okay.

What is Tom Hanks in? Paraphrase the classic. you can't sit here mookie oh from if she doesn't get that we're ruining it can we give clues dc shows on the cw uh supergirl um um uh oh oh uh the guy who runs flash um biggest cities in ireland oh girl i don't know i was homeschooled i don't know anything about geography okay uh dublin what uh there's a song about a mississippi for millionaires i don't know probably um mississippi for millionaires tom hanks damn i'm really caught up on tom hanks oh there was that movie at astra um i think it's two words i don't know if i'm right um

three forms of public transportation in nyc mta subway bus biking city bike i don't know um four position and automatic is that like park reverse is that what that is yeah yeah park reverse um oh my god one more park reverse. Guys, drive? Sorry. That's good, that's good. Am I on the first page? I don't think you're on the first page, but you're not on the first page. That's really sad. Could have done worse. Apollo 13, catch me if you can. Oh my god, so sad. Elvis, oh my god. Save him private, Ryan's gotta be on it.

I know, I know, I couldn't. It's the stress, that's what it is. Wait, Kate's hint didn't help you? No sitting here, Mookie. Wait, what was that? That was the girl on the bus that said, seats taken. I got it a little. How about the Jenny one? It's like, Luke, I don't think I'm your dad.

I want to go again. I want to go again. I can do it better. I'll come back later. He's got a great jump shot. Thank you. Appreciate it. How many people just whiff on the Sporkle?

That's what the downfall of most people are. The football was really bad. Getting your own rebound is what wins you. The football is bad. Okay. I feel like, you know. You beat Taylor LeJuan. That's pretty good.

Yeah. EFT, Che. That is the beauty of the game. We have a lot of Former professional athletes Owen and I had a dead tie Down to the middle Tommy that's good Will Compton that's good

Julia okay Okay I feel I feel okay Good company You're right there You almost beat Gunnar Henderson Totally Wait that is first

Second page That's okay Close You know I feel like I feel like I'm gonna like Go back I'm gonna train I'm gonna come back with

a clear head and another time you can go sub two easy what's it how what's the what's is it like the olympics you like have to wait like three years just next time you're back yeah you can't go twice in a day are you in town tomorrow i'm in town tomorrow can i come back yeah yeah oh my god okay great who are you opening for winnetica bowling league it's a band it's a band starring um matt coma matt coma yeah that's hillary duff's husband that's hillary duff's not gordo she ended up with gordo coma is great he has the real like kind of like high pitch voice i'm pretty sure and if i'm wrong i feel really bad yeah i love that song yeah yeah but you're not opening musically well my my car i do like musical comedy oh yeah so like it'll probably be like half stand-up half musical comedy nice have you

ever thought about just doing full like a full music show like just no humor well i would need more music i could only made such amount of you know you have to have like at least 20 right you know right now i'm at like seven are you gonna like how we feel in chicago i'm gonna say what the fuck is up let's make some illinois that'll be good a little soup yeah um but i'm excited you guys should come and tonight tonight rosemont if anyone lives up there please come awesome area good club tickets available where link in bio there it is is it just tonight or tomorrow too just tonight and then tomorrow's the concert one night only one night is there a chance duff is there so i have a friend who opened the film in la and she

said she was there and if you know anything about me i'm like the biggest hillary oh wait this is why this doesn't make sense i was like why is this mic so far away because i'm supposed to be on this mic i didn't even know um is this the husband that there was the balcony photo i don't think so oh let's not talk about that i don't think so okay come on nick balcony photo after he proposed are you familiar with the balcony head yeah oh i i'm not sure about this it has to be him I think I don't think she's

she was done with him she's definitely been married twice he proposed and then immediate really oh yeah good for her

and him yeah that's how it should be wow no kiss even straight no kiss down to business

there was if Duff's there tell her hello tell her to come through definitely well i'll come i'll be like hey do you want to do the gauntlet yeah perfect i should be like oh my god yeah i love the gauntlet i love the act big fan imagine no she's she's amazing metamorphosis one of the greatest albums of all time um yeah it was it was it was great i'm not sure if you guys like want me to leave or if I should. No, no. Stick around.

No. Oh, my God. Stay. We're just naturally this awkward. Yeah. No, I'm trying to think of a Hillary. Wake up. Wake up.

Coming clean. Coming clean. Who says? Coming clean. Who says it's Selena Gomez? No, no. Is it a crazy dance? Why not?

Why not? Laguna Beach? Yeah, right? Coming clean. Coming clean. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that on Laguna Beach? Laguna Beach.

That is Laguna Beach. I'm coming clean. I'm coming clean coming clean yeah is that on laguna beach that is laguna beach yeah i'm coming clean why not why not yeah um what's a better rush like a roar from the crowd after a good joke or the rule like uh someone fucking with your music and singing oh i think i think that has to do with like personal preference but there is something like uh singing is a natural stress reliever for like everyone and i feel like there's like a euphoric feeling seems like the most euphoric thing a person can do yeah especially like i think there's a euphoric feeling to singing and then i also think like like you know it's kind of it's a muscle and it's like you know it's breathing air through like a muscle so it's like also like you get a head rush if you hit a really high note

similar to probably like lifting a really big weight kyle yeah so maybe we should do some singing personally i like i just love to sing that's like my should sing while you lift weights whoa maybe stack it stack. A lot of musicians, especially people who run around the stage, they will sing while they're on the treadmill. Really? To get their breath control. That's why they do cadence in the military.

When you're running, I don't know what happened. I just thought it was cute. It's cute too. Did you like the movie Major Pain? I've never seen it. As a child, it was my favorite. I loved Major Pain.

I watched it every day. He ate so fast. Dude, I've been out of breath. Can you not hear me, dummy? It's so good. It's the best, bro. I've been out of breath on stage before, and it's like the hardest thing.

From telling stand-up? Is speak. Titus was actually at this show, I think, but we were at Old Town Zany's, and I was taking a shit, and they called me up on stage. Oh, and you ran upstairs?

And I had to like, run down, and I got on stage, and I was like, and you, did you not catch it? Hey guys, welcome to the,

and I was hosting, so I was like, it was, you were hosting, then why couldn't they wait a hot second? They started the show early, without me, like,

they didn't tell me they were ready to start. Did you get to wipe your ass? Yeah, it was like a rut. He waddled down, poopy butt. You left it, the toilet paper would have been beige i don't i don't think i flushed okay yeah that would take too much time it was a dire situation like a normal thing for a comedy club no one's flushing though it's like always really gross yeah it's nasty is that because it's funny okay they're gonna love this poop in the toilet it's that's comedy for you

it's a solid uh yeah it's a good joke it's a solid uh prank kyle do you know oklahoma city is in oklahoma county in oklahoma why no yeah i learned that the other day it was disturbing it's too much oklahoma city i went to school in oklah Do you know Oklahoma City was in Oklahoma County? Yeah You did know that You just been keeping that from us? Did you see like their planning

Probably not but the tallest skyscraper Sure did Is going to be smack dab in Oklahoma City Stop That's dangerous right? I don't think it's going to be tornadoes Did you see Frank Lloyd Wright designed a mile high building to be in Chicago? And it was a concept, but that was his goal.

It's way too high. It's just too high. I think it was called Chicago. I think they drew it like it was the blueprints and everything. Was he fucking with us? I don't know. Was it like a heat check for him where he's like such a esteemed architect? He's like,

I'm going to do one mile. I wonder if I could convince everybody that that's a good idea. I don't know how much higher that is than like the others. A lot. Oh, way higher. Oh, it's the Illinois

is what I wanted to call it. Oh my God. There's a picture of it though. A fucking pencil. Well, that's the idea of it. But like it is so much higher than. It would take you forever to get if you worked on the top. The status is on hold. So yeah. it would take you forever to get if you worked on the

top the status is on hold so yeah yeah when you get to the status is it technically possible yeah yeah we see what it would look like in the skyline twice as tall as the tallest building in the burj khalifa oh my god that's crazy planes would have to like reroute definitely huh what would it look like in the skyline yeah bad oh god oh hell no bad as fuck yeah that's a little too much yeah it just makes every yeah first person to jump off that would be like what a rush oh my god how long do you think it would take him to hit the ground if you jump from that high how long do you think the elevator ride would even be i don't it would have to be some sort of special magnet the willy wonka elevator yeah it goes left and right you just go in a tube

futurama tube that'd be fun yeah there'd be oxygen troubles up there you'd probably get dizzy like you probably couldn't go all the way up at once you probably have to like i don't know it would definitely move your body explodes in the elevator what kind of ego would you have to have to like i don't know it would definitely move your body explodes in the elevator what kind of ego would you have to have to like want the top floor of that top floor look at that douchebag presenting look at the picture behind him fuck him were people like was he presenting this seriously oh tj's still scrolling what an ass oh my god well anyone can this is raw that i think this is a. That shit's gonna pop blimps. I think you're right. I think he's so hot he's like they'll believe anything. Yeah they'll believe anything

anything I draw up the public will just jizz their pants over so is it residential? 100,000 occupants. 76 elevators. 100,000 people. 15,000 parking spaces. Huh. That's a little much. So what's the

what's the Oklahoma City one? It looks it looks horrible. They want that there's no tall buildings in Oklahoma City. I don't know why. So instead of just building like five

tall ones like decent tall ones that would look a lot better. I feel like if you start with the biggest though then that'll draw in others. Yeah.

I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. That one looks kind of cool. There's only so many ways you can make a building that tall look. Cool. I think the Burj Khalifa is gorgeous. Do you? Have you done the architecture tour here, Kyle? No, but I've heard.

I heard it's great. It's like Chicago and Pittsburgh are like architects' wet dream. What age do you have to get to to start appreciating architecture? Because I could give a fuck when I see it. I've liked it since I was younger. What about like, do you like, does the skyline make you feel something? Yeah. It warms my heart.

Well, then you do give a fuck. No, but I'm like, I don't care. It's like this stupid little marble and these little designs. Yeah, I'm kind of with that. But there is an element that you do care, fuck. No, but I'm like, I don't care. It's like this stupid little marble and these little designs. Yeah, I'm kind of with that. But there is an element that you do care, though. Yeah. Beauty. The seed is there.

Yeah, the seed's there. You'd like the Frank Lloyd Wright falling water. That one has a waterfall going through it, right? It's a home. Pennsylvania, right? Yeah. And if you learn a few things about architecture around the city that you can regurgitate to a woman, she'll think you have depth.

Yeah. Really? Yes. Oh, what are we talking about here? She'll be like, wow like wow oh yeah you could trick a girl new trick in the arsenal yep put that on your sober to do architecture tour all right you take her by the shoulder and say look at that smoke yeah smokes see like i like this like when it's around nature you're like that's beautiful that's architecture all right i fuck with that. You do. All right, I fuck with architecture. That house smells musty as shit. Folks, the tallest, I learned this on the architecture tour, the tallest building designed by a woman is in Chicago.

Yes, it is. Really? Yeah. So put that one in your back pocket. That'll be huge. You know her name? As an ally of, no, of course not. It's not a big building.

No. It's seven floors. I live in it i stopped listening i just noticed yeah the saint regis and doesn't have water floors in it to like balanced out like floors that are filled with water they had uh it's the it's the one that has like a floor missing and they said at least my tour guide said, that's for the airflow. Yeah. So it doesn't...

The super skinnies in Manhattan have those too. And the elevators, instead of music, it's like, sorry, sorry, sorry. So you're a ghost. Yeah, that's good. I appreciate that. You can pretend to be an ally. Oh, my bad.

It's okay. No worries. Yeah, that is it. Yeah. That was architecture. Fun. Yeah, that was amazing was amazing that was beautiful we have a new sponsor oh yeah mando mando urban leather look at this it's official school's out sun's out it's summer mando whole body deodorant will be your best friend this summer mando is clinically proven to control odor for 72 hours safe for the whole body pits package Pits, package, feet, and everywhere in between.

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You do need to try I'm going through Like a deodorant Phase where I put it on I just sweat right Through it And it's just disgusting That might be withdrawal

Brother Nah chill I saw Like someone was saying It's gross To apply Body wash With your hand

Like that is What That's foul Are they loofah? No, loofahs have so much bacteria. Someone said reusing a loofah is foul. So what do you do? You need to just... Some type of scrubber that you

regularly wash. I know the big thing is white people don't use washcloths. Yeah. That is true. It's pretty true. Yeah, I don't. I don't like washcloths yeah it's a yeah that is true it's pretty true pretty true yeah yeah i don't agree i know i don't like the way they feel it's rare i just don't have to wash it right afterwards yeah sometimes i get crazy and like spray myself with the body wash really do that and then how do you rub it in like you're an ice cream ball and you're getting hershey syrup yeah oh yeah like that yeah that's pretty wild yeah nuts in there

doesn't it just slip right down your body and you wipe it down as it goes okay oh oh Yeah. I like that. Yeah, that's pretty wild. Yeah, it gets nuts in there. Doesn't it just slip right down your body? And you wipe it down as it goes. Okay. Oh. Oh. Why would hand be gross? I don't think hand's gross.

What if you wash your hands before? Then it's fine, right? Well, the body wash is washing your hands. Do you guys wash your hands in the shower after you wash your butt? Yeah. I do. Sorry. Ew. But you already had something.

I know. But I'll wash'll watch sorry i said it i'll wash my butt and then immediately wash my hand i think i feel that though yeah right like certain parts of my body i'll use the scrubber and then other parts of my body use my hand i don't know what do you use for whole i'd rather keep that private what's one or the one or the other. Or neither. Well, no, I don't want to put the loafer up my ass. Loafer? I don't know what to call it. He's got a leather loafer. That's why when he was walking, a penny fell out of his ass. What is it, a loafer?

I thought you said, because I didn't know the name of it. He's got a leather loafer. There's no way you have a loafer. He's got a dress shirt. Yeah, it's like the little squishy thing, right? Yeah, so I use that for my body, and then I wash my face with my hands, and then I go butt. The way you did that, it looked like you were using the loofah for your face, which would...

That is crazy. If anyone uses a loofah for your face, you're crazy. A lot. Do you guys have the same wash rotation? Like face, body, leg, ass? Or do you mix it up? I don't know. I don't think about it i think i freestyle it's

almost like straight instinct like i'm always face left arm right arm chest i think i'm quick to pits yeah yeah pits and chest yeah it's just there i think those are the only that's the starting point yeah you start it's my chest is the cleanest wash it's always getting i think i go chest to arms down the legs and then just let it all soak Soak down and then I do a slight bend for the asshole and then call it a day. And then you said you sit down so you can get your feet. Exactly. I do. I sit down in the dark.

People are missing the feet. Oh, the feet, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I don't, the feet is. I never wash my feet. That's just runoff, right? Yeah. They might need a good scrubbing here and there though.

If you're going Fred Flintstone outside in the yard I just feel like they're getting the soap second hand That's all they need As long as you don't stink That's it Are we still in the ad? That's why you need Van We got the pro sport flavor

Dude that wipe is great Fantastic Do you smell good right now? I smell great. Is that the pro sport? I believe so, yeah. Pro sport wipe. Oh, man. I sent TJ one video of smokes that just popped up on my Twitter.

Oh? An un-sober. Oh, my Jesus Christ. How about that? Oh, no! Where are you whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa what is happening

do you want me to paint this I don't know if I can fully paint the picture because I don't know if it's a bad look or not we're at we're at chain smokers

and I was wearing jeans and a long sleeve and let's just say I don't know if I should say it but like what else use a metaphor

you were sweating use a metaphor I was sweating for a reason there was a reason I was sweating a lot I'm sweating and yeah exactly

and that's that was the scene but yeah I was popping off I was having a great time there I was a witness fuck you Dave I mean you wore a thermal

in 85 degrees I don't know what else is thermal well I thought we were gonna be like you bundled up to do molly they said they said i did her up molly they said we had a sweet something and like all right we're gonna be like inside so i'll just dress nice and then we're just front row at chain smoke because i'm like all right like fuck it's too late now and then we went to barstool River North and I had to change my shirt

because they wouldn't let me in because of how sweaty my shirt was. Oh, shit. At our own company bar? You were too sweaty. I was like, I work here. Let me just grab my shirt. I didn't realize there was a dress code. No, there's not, but that's how bad I was sweating.

It looked like I jumped in a pool. My shirt was disgusting. I had to watch that four times because I thought you were just in underwear. Me too, from my angle. That's what it looked like. I had to watch that four times because I thought you were just in underwear. Me too, from my angle. That's what I look like. But I still don't get it. All right, don't stop, bro. Come on.

I still don't get it. It's not fair. You look like a superhero with no shirt on. Oh, my days. Hey, we had a great – Look at Max. Me and Max are reviving, though. We're having a great time.

At least he made it the fourth one. See, I never even saw this video. This is the front? I was rolling balls. Good time, though. This one. I love the Chainsmokers. Great group.

Yeah, I've seen them four times. That video is why I'm going sober, though. That? No more. The comedown? Your brain's sad? Yeah, but I've also been on a three-year bender. There's got to be another name for that.

No, but it's only on weekends okay yeah right no no no that's that's like the hangover is now the hangover yeah yeah Danny you're a Thursday and Sunday drinker right is that what you do um probably more so than Saturday I like that more that's a great routine it's like an NFL football yeah it's like the worst routine ever no I don't like those are the best those are the best days to go out because there's no expectations i love that thursdays are good because if there's a girl out on thursday night she's going through something yeah ladies he's right there's no cap in that rap and then you do the sunday fun day and just tends to leak over maybe until like 6pm

Sundays are for the girls They kill that shit with brunch Sunday I cannot leave my house there's no chance More for everyone else then Yeah Alright Spin the wheel Go see Caroline tonight at Zany's Rosemont

Are you going to be there? I'll be hosting Should be a good time Is it right across the street from Dave and Buster's? Zany's Rosemont. I will be. Are you going to be there? Yeah. I'll be hosting. Oh, nice. Should be a good time. Is it right across the street from Dave and Buster's? Or is that? Yes. Yeah.

Oh, really? Yeah, I believe so. You should. It's a good little mall. Oh. Are we resetting? Nope. Just dry.

Just dry. Not bad. All right. Tomorrow, Kate's made a big ass jello. Yes. Oh, yeah. Maybe a little pinata action if you play your cards right. And we're doing White Boy Rick loop trap tomorrow.

Oh, the glue trap. White Boy Rick loop trap tomorrow is going to be something. It's going to be something. If it works. Even if it doesn't. Happy Christmas every day. Wait, big action. Oh, yeah. It's the act.

It's the act. Get your straws, yeah, style a tape for a while. It's the act. It's the act. It's the act. Yeah, it's time to talk shop and do a Yankee swap. It's the act Yeah it's time to talk shop And do a Yankee swap It's the act

It's the act See you for glue trap day tomorrow folks Prepare to see white boy Rick All fucking glued up Alright bye love you