The Yak - Nicky Smokes is Plotting to Prank Us at Any Moment | The Yak 10-5-23

Episode Date: October 5, 2023

Hey baby mommaYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Hello, Yak. All right. There's nothing better than that playoff baseball. And then it's a ball, and you have to start it all over again. All right, here we go. All right, Yak.

Promo code Yak. Roback.com. Q-Zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts. I'm wearing the joggers right now. I'm wearing the hoodies. Look at this. Look at my flexibility. Look at this.

That's pretty good. Wow. Roback.com. Promo code Yak. 20% off your first purchase through the end of this week. Those will be good if you have to wear them while PFT's fucking you. Yeah. So, yeah, we're future us problems.

I have a tattoo bet tonight. You can see I have my sad clown costume on right now. It's like Eddie and I both looked at each other. He has a bear shirt on. We're just like, what are we doing? I just woke up and I was like, oh, I guess it at each other. He has a bear shirt on. We're just like, what are we doing? I just woke up and I was like, I guess it is game day. But yeah, PFT and I have a tattoo bet that we made in June. Stupid.

On just this game. Stupid. Extra stupid PFT. Someone tweeted him this morning and said, what happens if there's a tie? And he said, we will film a sex video. It feels like a tie kind of game said, we will film a sex video. It feels like a tie kind of game. Yeah.

It's definitely very tie. Talking a little P&A. But you won't. Will you? I don't know. Tattoos are temporary. Gay sex is forever. Yeah. Right, Zah?

Can't walk that one. Right, Zah? Zah. Zah. Can't walk that one. No, no. There's a tie, and I get a text from Zah being like, hey, something came up. I have to move back to New York. Yeah, should be a great game. Really excited to watch some football. Stephen Chay's back. Now you know.

Aloha. I missed him. I missed him i missed steven shay it's crazy to say it's a it's a sickness that i like actually ended up missing steven shay yeah you were sick that is fucked up yeah right like like he's got such a hold over my brain that i don't like being around him but then if I don't see him for two days, I'm like, man, I miss him. Yeah, he's important. It's a problem. I went home sick Friday. And then I was sick through about, like, Monday morning. And my wife had a passing in the family.

So I went home. So I had to stick with the kids because they got sick as well. So you got sick and at RuPaul you hurt your leg. Do you think it's all these boosters? I actually just signed up for a flu shot last night when we're in new york oh look at you can you sign me up too you seem excited i need your insurance info i don't have any can you sign me up you definitely have insurance i think i do but i don't know i don't have a card or anything do you

want our insurance info so you can get all of our flu shots too sign me up please sign me up uh i will try to do no insurance this is not that big of a deal get him signed up get me signed up big cat you getting the flu you'd shed some pounds that's true i'll sign up don't sign me up jay do you believe in karma no karma's for losers right yeah make your own luck i just did the the timeline of you calling out jalen hurts and then just having a run of horrendous luck in the family. 96-year-old grandma passed away. That's over 85. A lot of life ahead of her.

Not sad. Right? I think like over. Sad, but not sad as long. 85 is a really good life, man. Yeah. She was 96? Yeah, everyone here signs up for 85 right now right oh 100 i signed up for

85 96 might be a little long that's too long yeah no my grandma is 85 or maybe 86 now she's got her wits about her very sharp funny watches the yak watch watch him right now leg sitting man that's not that's what? She broke her like femur just sitting. Your grandmother? Oh, yours. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like you said, mine. Osteoporosis.

Oh, gotcha. That was my, I don't have any grandparents left, but my grandmother, like at the end of her life, my grandfather had like open heart surgery at like 90. It was crazy. I don't know. They like usually don't do it, but he was like, yeah, at like 90 it was crazy i don't know they didn't like usually don't do it but he's like yeah i can do it and i think that she was so pissed that uh like people weren't thinking about her that she just broke her hip while he was getting open heart surgery like what

about me smart move yeah and i think she did it sitting as well that's that's a so that's that's usually the hip i feel like is the last thing when the hip goes yeah it's like all right because i how do you even break i can't even comprehend a hip injury. I've never had one. I can't even comprehend a hip. What is a hip? Can you pull up a hip, TJ? I took most actions.

Pull up a hip. Let's see a hip. Do you know your hip flexor is in your abdomen area, like really high? Oh, yeah, yeah. Hip flexor not in the hip? Okay, so here's a hip. No, but that's leg. That's all leg, yeah. Wait, so where do you break the hip? Okay, so here's a hip. No, but that's leg. That's all leg, yeah.

Wait, so where do you break the hip? You break that bone? All right, I'm woke. That bone's too big. I don't. Where do you break a hip? What if it's a 90-year-old bone? It'll crack easier.

Can you pull a broken hip? Yeah, let's see a broken one. Let's see broken hip. A skeleton. I don't really understand where the hip break happens. You can't break it in any of those places. It's a bone. Just anywhere in the hip. That looks like it's a broken skeleton. I don't really understand where the hip break happens. You can break it in any of those places. It's a bone. Just anywhere in the hip. That looks like it's a broken leg.

That's more of a leg bone. It's got a chunk out of it. That whole thing came off. Is that the balls? Is that x-ray balls? Nice. That is balls. Nice balls. Wait, where's the pecker? Is it right above? It looks like an owl. Cold ass x-ray machine

do you think your grandmother's the oldest yak watcher i mean if she's doing it and i'm sure other people have well i don't have any grandparents well not us i'm sure there's some people watching because she likes it or because she's proud of her boy she likes it like she follows to your grandparents while you're watching. Get your grandparents signed up. Yeah. I'd like to meet the oldest Yak watcher. Didn't we do that before?

I think we tried to find the youngest. You tried. We got the oldest. He was like some Packers OG fan. But that was just some fan that put his dad on the phone. We need the oldest. I bet you there's a couple 50-year-olds who are tuning in. I'd say we get in the 60s.

I want the youngest who also has critiques. Oh, yeah, who's absorbing it and being like, yeah, I like when you do this, I don't like when you do that. Like a five-year-old who hates when Stu comes on. You want a five-year-old who's like, yeah, the yak fell off. Yeah. Yeah, to really roast us. I was leaving an appointment downtown like three weeks ago, and I hear somebody go, Kate, Kate.

And I turn, and it's like a man in his, I want to say like 70s, like older, older. And I'm thinking, because I have some family in the area. I'm like, is this one of my uncle's friends or something that I met once or something? And he's like, big stoolie, blah, blah, blah. Like he was old. I love that. Old. or something. And he's like, big stoolie, blah, blah, blah. Like he was old. I love that. Just going. That makes me so pumped.

And I'm not in the sports. Like, I don't know. I'm like, I don't even know how he knows me. And I asked that he was in town for a funeral because he was that old. But it like really threw me off. Like it was the last thing I expected was that. African-American fans always throw me off women fans definitely throw me off but yeah is that what i'm doing the uh that's awesome

old old fans that recognize you're the best that's uh it always pumps me up so much i had a guy i went to um the butcher shop the other day and he was ordering and this is actually probably like i talked too loud but he just turned i was ordering something he turned around he's like i know that voice i was like fuck i talked too loud i i met a geezer in um scottsdale he was across the bar and he was just like i watched the yak every day i watched the yak every day um and i was like no way and he was old as fuck I watch the Yak every day. I watch the Yak every day. And I was like, no way. And he was old as fuck. So he's probably dead.

Yeah. Yeah. Rest easy. Yep. Shout out that guy. You never got to see the limbo episodes. By the way, I went to the office yesterday and it is, I actually, for the first time, feel confident in the date that Pete has given us.

Really? The TVs are going in the basketball court is done uh it like there's deaths are going in like it actually looks like a real office i did not i got i got bad news this morning what so they said yeah priority shows will be able to record from there on opening day and they named every show besides aina so we're we're gonna have to record from here on opening day. And they named every show besides Anus. So we're going to have to record from here. Yeah, but you guys also asked for an industrial beach. That probably takes a while.

I'm going to guess it wasn't every show. Is Anus and Zero Block 30 hanging out here? It was every one but ours. He was sitting right there. But you could just do it in the Axe studio. We were proud of that. I guess we could. What's the attitude of the people working on it?

I think they're like, yeah, this is my job, yeah. They're not getting shots up? No. They're getting shots up. Well, the court was the finishing layer of lacquer or whatever you put on a basketball court, so you couldn't walk on it. So they probably will be getting shots up soon.

Speaking of which, I think, so we had a little brainstorming last night. We'll throw this out to the Yak listeners. We're going to do a sub-a-thon at some point. There's two ideas I have in my head, and one of them is I think we should do a sub-a-thon before the invitational, and we will pick six Yakers to come and compete in yak basketball in the new office and the winner of that gets to play in the invitational with us i like that a lot would be very fun maybe we even do 10 let's do a party subathon and every thousand subs we add a foot to the sub we oh i love that and then the other one was going to be Cash Cube,

and I put, like, hundreds in there, and every thousand subs we get, we, people, like, everyone gets a shot, and then also we do, like, I'll go in there, and anything I grab, we give to the listeners. Do you know how to give money to the YouTube listeners? We would have to do, like, a wheel of people that subbed and proved that they're subbed or something and like we could choose it through that and then we could give it through like visa gift cards or amazon gift cards

or something oh okay it's like oh like when you get a porn star stuff on her gift list i don't know much about that. TJ, have you done that? Hold on, TJ. I saw you. TJ. Buy again, drop down on Amazon. TJ. Wait, have you gifted? What have you done?

Like, if you gift them something, do they, like, show them in it? Like, thank you. Is that what the point is? Or do you just get off on knowing that they have it? We got our horny corner over there i've always wondered what happens when you gift have you you've gifted no what'd you buy is the mic working man did you buy a dildo no what like lingerie yeah i'm not getting set up they ask for TJ. They ask for shit like KitchenAid mixers and stuff. Yeah.

They ask him for like every day. Yeah. I bought my fair share of Cuisinart. TJ, what did you buy? I will not be framed. Framed? Sunglasses? I didn't buy anything.

Was it a fact? Was it something to make them look hotter? Because that's a good excuse. Yeah. It's a good investment. Like is it something they really wanted from their fans? This is not a conversation. I've always wondered.

I want to do it. Yeah, we should do it. Maybe it feels good. Let's find it. Maybe I'll find a chickie and go to the Amazon wish list. Have you heard of Findoms? Wouldn't they put them in their bios? I think so.

I think they put them in their bios, yeah. Findoms, yes. What's Findoms? The guy turns over his entire, all his bank account information, all his credit cards, everything to her, and he gets off on every day checking to see if she's emptied his bank account or not. Oh, man. And there was just a big article I was reading that these ladies are like, oh, yeah, I love

edging them and then draining their accounts when they lose their perspective. Oh, yeah, no shit they love it. It's like, how do I... Anybody wants to give me their stuff, I'll do it. Ooh, we should be fin doms. How would you even go about finding someone like that? How do you go about finding that article?

Eddie's had them in office. Eddie's had the fin doms? Eddie's had fin doms on Dog Walk two or three times. That's the guy who... Get Eddie over here. No, the financial dominatrix is the woman. The pay pig is the guy.

Oh, Finn, like F-I-N. Yeah, what did you think? I thought y'all were messing it up and saying it was like fin doms, like female. I thought fin dom was like a person. No, it's the financial dominatrix and then the pay pig. Phineas Dominic. They call him a pay pig? I want to talk to the pay pig.

I want to see what the pay pig has to say. I also want to talk to a guy that likes getting his balls stopped. Is he filming something? Ah, shit. All right, we'll get him on after. I need to see more. Are we doing a list? Because I would love autoerotic asphyxiation.

I can't say it. One of those guys. Put him on the list. That sounds like you want to do it. Well, I'm just curious what compels someone to put a belt around your neck. So I remember the choking game was like a thing where you'd pass out like a high. So imagine that and jerking off.

Yeah. I get that one. Okay, I'm in. Completely. We should do that. Put that on the wheel. Also the chicks that like, that walk on guys with high heels. I don't get ball stomping because like the smallest little mousetrap got you out of commission. Imagine a lady foot. Yeah.

Ball stomping. I took at IUP. I took a class led by a Pittsburgh. What are the good crime scene investigator? And he's like, you wouldn't believe how many deaths we come upon that are, if they like accidentally. And he said,

the other big one is electrocution. They are start messing around with like zap, zap here and there, and then they overdo it. That's hot. Yeah, he's like it. Zap in your nipples and shit? Like electric play, I guess he said. Yeah, in your balls. Like you forget you're a little wet or something.

I don't know. Oh, man. Yeah. I'd get zapped. I hate being zapped. I would get zapped. KB, you'd get zapped I hate being zapped I would get zapped KB you'd get zapped no that's like the one thing

I can't watch in like the vaults of like the yeah live leaks is people for some reason people getting electrocuted

really that's your one bugaboo that's something that I don't know it's something about it I don't think I have any bugaboos there's been a lot of

caving videos on twitter oh yeah guys like going through like where he has one inch of clearance yeah pull it up tj those are always me are we scorpioning right now yeah i mean that those videos they are very very nerve-wracking it's it's not too dissimilar than watching like the russian dudes climb up a bunch of skyscrapers and then do tricks and shit i have zero does that like what i get like being like a thrill junkie or whatever but i have zero desire to be trapped thousands of feet below in a cave yeah i think it all circles back to like when you were in the womb ah cave yeah yeah definitely that's why i'm keeping it loose we should go this guy to be in there you should

go caving weird stuff wasn't there like a documentary on netflix about the deep divers there's a movie called sanctum that's like a scary it's a dog shit acted movie but get you the heebie-jeebies with well i would just there's just like a uh you don't talk the deepest breath the deepest breath they just dive like straight down as far down as they can like as far as a skyscraper oh my god yeah that would freak me out so bad yeah I can't home yeah we talk about this like I felt like I was on the yak. Maybe we did. We talk about like four things. Yeah, and then they come up. No, we talked about it.

Yeah, we talked about it. That's right. And then I went and watched it. Yeah, all right. What's the deepest anyone here could dive? I would say like 14 feet. I get scared when I touch the bottom at nine feet. I think I could dive around 50 feet.

Yeah, you could. No problem. And kill a bear at the bottom. I'm a really good swimmer. No, I think I could if I had to. You couldn't around 50 feet. Yeah, you could. No problem. And kill a bear. I'm a really good swimmer. No, I think I could if I had to. You couldn't dive 50 feet. No. I don't want to.

You're not coming back up. What do you mean you can't? No, I don't want to. I think you would bail out before you got to 50. 25? I think you're 20, 25 feet, and you'd be like, fuck this. What's the bends? Is that going down?

It's coming up too fast. Coming up too fast. And you get bubbles in your lungs. Does your blood start to bubble? It, like, boils, essentially. Yeah. I used to, when I was a kid, I was like, oh, I have the bends, when I would, like, go in, like, a 10-foot pool.

Be careful. Don't come up too fast. I blew my eardrum out. Oh, that's... Jumping off a high diving board, and I went down too fast, and my eardrum... Oh, my God. That's so painful. Your parents weren't paying attention?

Did you find that video, too? Was that... Your parents weren't paying attention? No, they were boozing with the neighbors, and... Oh, man. I went down a rabbit hole just getting scared last night. Why? That's a...

I don't know. Sometimes it's good to just get yourself frightened. I hate... I don't understand the sensation of wanting to be... Look at this. Oh, God. Look at this. Oh, this guy. Wait, does this guy die?

Oh, fuck. Oh! Fuck that. Oh, my God. There's so many sensations I want, but this is not one of them. This actually puts chills down my spine. Holy fuck. So he's in the cave now, so he's fine, right?

No, they're trying to get him that's oh my god oh you have to take like a shirt off to fit dude how do you do that and can you pull up the diagram of the one that had to close off it was called oh that was um because people were dying yeah one guy just left in there hanging upside down yeah i just like sorry man we can't get you and then they left and he just like he died from good luck he died hanging upside down on the phone with his family and they're like just talk to him till you go and yeah it's crazy oh my god that's so fucked just search like caving death diagram they also if you have like a mystery illness one of the things they ask you is if you go spelunking because there's so many goofy cave illnesses that pop up later in life from like bat poop and stuff

that like they don't even know. That there's all kinds of weird diseases in there. Oh, my God. What are these people? Like, I don't know, bet on a game or something. Like, there's other ways to get cheat drills. So many drugs. Yeah.

Put too much money on an over. Why not? Yeah, that's how they were right there at his feet. And they had to leave him? Yep. then he just died in there yeah yeah he's still there just close it out they yeah they sealed it up i guess that's kind of cool that he got to oh man those last breaths horrible fuck this is actually kind of giving me the chills zoom in on that like that cross section on the right oh did they just give him like pump him full of meds tell him i'd be like can you just inject yeah just yeah put heroin in my foot i'm not going through the birth canal

yeah yeah this is making me feel nervous yeah oh my yeah they have to be able to like spray a drug john jones is crawling headfirst when he got stuck in a tiny unmapped tunnel deep inside nutty putty oh that's brutal yeah and, and he died in it. That is such a funny name for the cave to die in. I don't know my vagina. Nutty Putty Cave. What's his name? This sounds like a fun ride at like Six Flags, Nutty Putty Cave.

Wait, let me keep reading it. You guys renamed it before I died. Nutty Putty Cave. John became trapped upside down with fluid pooling dangerously in his head and lungs. Rescuers also had to deal with the difficult geometry of the tunnel. Rescuers lift John. His feet hit the low ceiling and the space was too narrow to pull him backward without breaking his leg.

Break my legs! But seriously, if you're going to die in a cave, it's got to be like Skullcrusher Cave. Yeah, Diamondbacks Revenge. Not Nutty Putty Cave. You're good atbacks Revenge. Not Nutty Putty Cave. You're good at naming caves, dude.

I think I might be. Your one blog of the year might just have to be cave names. Diamondbacks Revenge. My mom is in her retirement. She's mining for gold, and they actually had. Wait, what? That was not a throwaway. Your mom is in retirement mining for gold.

Yes. Like underground. No, not her. Well, she's running a mine, but their mine got fucked up last week. The shaft actually collapsed. And people died? What happens a lot? No, no.

Luckily, the people, there was nobody in there, but she sent me a video of, like, the contraption that they had to put in to, like, a J. Can you send it to TJ? Wait, Zah, your mom is retired mining for gold. What? Like, she goes down into the cave? You just breezed past that so fast. Yeah, I need all the details.

Actual. Wait, hold on. Let me send it. Oh, yeah. She's, yeah. Does she find gold? No. Okay, that's a problem.

This is like NFTs right now. The money in gold is – the big money is in the processing. But let me send this to you. Okay. So how has she not found any gold? Is she searching in the right place? If it was easy to find gold. How sick would it have been to be part of the gold rush?

We're paying for gold in Alaska. Yeah. Think about like back in the day. I think all of us would have been killed pretty quickly. But in the 1800s being like, oh, if you just go west, there's a bunch of rivers with gold in it? Yeah. That's so awesome. Between you and there, there's a lot of dysentery

and people that are going to kill you. You're being a scaredy cat. No, there are. I'd be the best gold digger of all time. Does anyone still ever find enough gold to get by on? I think so. I think they do, yeah. They're able to find gold. We're going to get a prospector on this show the same day we get the guys that like getting their nuts stepped on.

We have to guess which is which. Who decided gold was gold? Yeah, that's a good question. It goes all the way back. Incas? Yeah. Well, people like shiny gold. What is the question? Who decided gold was gold? Yeah, that's a good question. It goes all the way back. Incas? Yeah. Well, people like shiny. What is the question?

Who decided gold was gold? They brought gold to Jesus. Ask that question again. Who decided gold was gold? I don't think I understand the question. At some point in the history of civilization, there was gold that someone found. And they were like, look at this. This is the most expensive thing.

It was shiny and it had utility. But what is utility? What makes it better than other? I don't know. There's got to be a utility of it. I don't know. There is no utility. It's just value.

Color, luster, and density of gold are just some of the unique properties. But like, why couldn't copper have been gold? Because it's not shiny enough. Because gold's awesome. So it says it's the egyptians gold was generally used for a couple thousand years to create things such as jewelry and idols for worship it was until around 1500 bbc when the ancient empire of egypt which graded which benefited greatly from its gold-bearing region nubia made gold the first official medium of exchange for international trade okay so egyptians

were the gold wait god this is it is this your mom's mind is this pulling yeah that's that's one of the shafts they had to put that in because initially they were going in like with wheelbarrows bringing out the because you got to bring out like the stones and the gravel and stuff you'll see it come up and that's what you then process Looking for the gold and shit like that What? Doesn't seem like the most high tech operation Not at all I mean this is after this This is small scale mining Yeah

That's so awesome So she runs this? Yeah That's all mine And it collapsed And they haven't found any gold yet? Not yet That's such a thrill though

When you pull up a big barrel And you're like, maybe this is it. Apparently, we're sitting on a gold belt. Wait, so is someone down there right now putting that in a barrel? Yes. Holy shit. There's someone in that hole putting that and bringing it up. So if ever you see me gone, it means that worked out. Your mom found gold.

Yep. Well, I think I talked about it on here before. Was there anybody underground when it collapsed? I'm sorry, Kate. No. No, it was gold. Yep. Well, I think I talked about it on here before. Was there anybody underground when it collapsed? I'm sorry, Kate. No, it was overnight. Lucky. That's why we had to. If she needs help with minor shafts, she should get somebody from Penn State.

Strike two, Brandon. You're anxious today. Yeah, mousetrap. If you do it again, it's a mousetrap. That's going to help. Okay. What were you going to say, Kate? Oh, just these giant mines in South Africa.

Guys will go down and be there for like years without coming up. And then there's these mafias that are like, you will starve down here. Like, we're the only reason you can get food. Because they're down so crazy deep that they force the whatever gold they find. They have to give a percentage to the mafia in order to survive because then they become like hostages down in the mines. And they like live down there for like years without coming out. That's fucking crazy. Yeah.

They have like whole worlds down there. Titus, I want you to say that you were wrong with my question. My question was correct. I don't. I mean, I kind of. How can a question be correct? I mean, it's. My question was correct. I don't, I mean, I kind of... How can a question be correct? The question was correct. Egyptians found gold. But it's like, it's pretty,

it seemed pretty self-explanatory that you're walking through nature and then you come across shiny shit. But someone decided... The question is who decided it was shiny? I think it's inherent in us. No, no, no. It wasn't who decided it was shiny. It was who decided that it's going gonna be worth a shitload yeah but it's shiny like that that was the do you think jewelry's utility utility so there's no utility but there's still

the shiny part of it that i think like human nature is like that's really fucking shiny i want that but what if someone then they started collecting it and then they started looking around like where'd you get that and you're like down by the river then that guy went to the river, and he's like, I didn't find any. And they're like, oh, damn, there must not be that much of it. I guess I have it all. And then it became valuable. What if someone was like, oh, this gemstone is the most expensive thing in the world? I don't think it was arbitrary is what I'm saying.

I don't think it was like a council set. Why silver? Why gold versus silver? They're kind of both shinier. Is gold shinier than silver? Yeah. Probably. I don't know.

It's golder. Gold is gold. It's definitely golder. It's definitely golder. It's more gold. I'm with Brandon on that one. It's more gold, but what's shinier? Platinum?

Is platinum gold? No, platinum's not gold. What's white gold? I'll be honest. I don't know what platinum is. What is platinum? I don't know where you find it. White gold?

Platinum does have utility. Show me. I don't know what platinum is. Wait, white silver is pure white? I've never seen white silver. I don't get metals, man. Yeah. At all.

They're between Wi-Fi and childbirth. That's the big three of not hitting. Wi-Fi is so true. I don't get it at all. You can explain to me in vivid detail on how it works. No idea. No idea. Oh, my God.

I fucking love metal. Palladium. Oh, wow. This is cool. So platinum, palladium. What is the gold or gold? I think gold is the gold. 18 to, palladium? What is the gold or gold? I think gold is the gold. 18 to 14 karat. Yellow gold is gold gold, right?

And yellow gold is... Granted, for the viewers at home, explain what a karat is. That's... So you got bunny rabbits. That's the quality of the... Is that how hard it is? Huh? Is that how hard it is?

It's the weight. Is it? Is it the weight? Is it is it the weight? Rate them to write density density the hardness is the huh just hardness, right? I just always think about like when random shows that people just tune in the first time like we are They're like these are the dumbest human beings of all time It's what I think that's what makes it work because I think a lot of people I think a lot of people pretend to know. If you had asked me what a carrot was I would have been like, yeah, who doesn't know that?

I don't know. A lot of comments, you fucking idiots and then they're also Googling it. Yeah, what is a carrot? When you're buying diamonds, can't you take, you can get smaller carrots and then get higher shining it? Clarity.

Carrots wait. carrot and then get higher like shining it like yeah clarity clarity yes clarity carrots weight uh not confusing at all that makes you know this he's buying them for those girls yeah yeah that's what you're doing how do you think s Sasha Banks got all those? Alexis Texas got some new earrings. They didn't come out of nowhere. TJ, my man, hooking them up. They're looking good. Oh, imagine if Zah's mom finds all this gold. You'll be getting dates left and right, TJ.

What was it? It was something small. Yeah. It was something small. Just go ahead and tell us. It wasn't a big thing. I think it was kind of fun. It was a one-time thing. You thought maybe she would fuck you.

She thought maybe she liked you more than a friend. TJ's never spent money on a woman. That's fine. Wait, so did we get the answer to what the carrot is? Yeah, we got the carrot a while ago. It's purity. Purity. But I don't know how that's measured.

And then he said there's one with a K and one with a C, which I think he's lying about that. No, no, he's not. Diamonds are carrots with a C? Diamonds are Cs. So many of us probably have fake shit without realizing it because I would just believe anything a jeweler would tell me. Yeah, and how much gold's in Fort Knox? Why do they keep it all there?

At least 12. But we're not on the gold standard. We're not on the gold standard anymore, so it doesn't even... Nixon took us off, right? There's still gold bars there, though, I think. Yes, serves original purpose. Fort Knox still gold bars there, though, I think. Yes. Fort Knox still serves its original purpose, holding roughly 147.3 million ounces of gold. Why don't we turn that to pounds?

Which is just over half the U.S. Treasury's stored bullion. Yeah, is this still the go-to thing for, like, the best thing to break into? The best thing to go to Fort Knox? No. Can I see a picture of Fort Knox? Do you guys know what you can do with a picture of gold bars? Do you guys also know we have like caves with cheese in it? I know we have a mountain with all of the seeds

in the world. What do you mean? This is fun facts. The Yak fun facts. I like where we're going. We're just hopping around. That's Fort Knox? I could walk in there. Wait, but that's all that's in there that's that's that looks like a i wanted a big yeah but i wanted a big ass turret on the top yeah i wanted like a castle fort knox stinks it's a good parking situation do they do do they do like can you

view fort knox who's the last guy that tried to break in forbidden are we due for a break has anyone tried to rob Fort Knox? It's in Tennessee, right? Kentucky. Kentucky, that's right. I think Fort Knox sucks dick, dude. Yeah, I'm not cool with Fort Knox. Also, if you have all the gold, why wouldn't you make a gold house?

Yeah, make it. Why isn't Fort Knox gold? Yeah, it should be gold. Because you can't steal that either. Yeah, they should just make all the gold one giant piece of gold. Right. And then just have it sitting out. Would you rather break into they should just make all the gold one giant piece of gold and then just have it sitting out. Would you rather break into Fort Knox and see all the gold or break into Area 51 and see all the aliens?

I don't give a shit about seeing gold. Yeah, what do you care about? Well, you could take some of the gold. Oh, then yeah, I'll do the Fort Knox. But you could take an alien. They might be made of gold. Who knows? Could be. How much does a gold bar cost? I kind of want a gold bar. Do you want to buy a gold bar? There was that Jersey politician that just got caught. Four pounds.

Four pounds? Four pounds of gold. I don't know. I kind of want to bury a gold bar. That feels like a lot. You should bury a gold bar. I might ice myself out. I think I like metal. Yeah, you are a metal guy. Thank you. That's nothing. Yeah, that's nothing yeah that's nothing well that's nothing uh i thought he was gonna be like like two well four pounds i know it's something it's definitely nothing but i mean like did you

guys think it would be 87 000 for four pounds that feels really i'm way off of my gold i thought four i thought a four pound gold bar would be like $2 million. Four pounds of gold is not that big. $1,800 perhaps. The standard bar you see is probably 20 pounds. No. Those standard bars that you see, they're bigger than four, aren't they? No.

They're heavy. A standard bar? How big a bar are you talking? A standard bar is like that, right? I would guess that's like 15 pounds. 15 to 20 pounds. But they're kind of skinny. They're not as thick as you think. Can we say standard gold bar?

Kate, like, when you went into the military, could you have ended up guarding Fort Knox? No, I wish. I don't know who gets to do that duty. You're guarding Fort Knox. I'm just asking nicely to get in. Oh, but please. I'm sorry. I feel so bad. Please, you're in my way. Is there a standard bar?

By all means. Yeah, so is there one? Is there? When Yosemite Sam is trying to get gold. But the shape that it's in. That's the only reference we have. Talk to the mic. What bars are in Fort Knox?

I wonder. What are the size of those? Are they all different? Yeah, they're probably all different. Can we add gold tooth to the wheel? Yeah. But then you could get robbed. Yeah, you're right. I did that without. That'd be the most I'd do.

Oh man, with that stuff. Get his fucking tooth. I don't want... Strike three. Are you doing that? Oh, you broke it. Why are you hollering at me? How did that microphone break? Because he threw it when he said that Ben Mintz

is going to be Tommy Walker's dad. Oh, yeah. He'll never be as real. Down, boy. And he threw it. Kyle made him throw it. It'll never be as real. Down, boy. Down. Threw it two days in a row. He's just going to love him.

I don't think, like, to be honest, I don't think we need to, like, I think we're good right now. Yeah, this is good. Brandon just sitting there. Brandon is the second most OG on the show or third? Kyle, you're second on Senorita. Jay. Jay. Jay is OG now Senorita. Che. Che. Che is

OG now. Then Kyle. Yeah. What, uh, can you look up the cheese cave? There's a cheese cave. I think Reagan did it. I want to put all of our cheese in a cave. I want to know about all the stashes we've got. Yeah. I need to know.

What else do we have? Look at this. See? Cheese caves and food surpluses. That's a building. Why the U.S. government currently stores 1.4 billion pounds of cheese. Did you guys know about this? I can eat that in like two weeks. Springfield, Missouri. Cheese cave.

Oh, is it? They keep everything in Missouri. Maybe make a stop. Nick? Yeah. Look at that. Look at Reagan with the cheese. That's such an awesome political photo. Look at that. Look at Reagan with his cheese. That's such an awesome political photo.

Look at this. Cheese. Everyone just goes crazy. Oh, no. Oh, you can't escape. Oh, no. Get it off. Get it off.

Oh, no. Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. Oh, no. What was on her upper lip? Where's Travis? Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no. The roof is in the pudding. It's trap. It's trap. Cheese goes bad fairly frequently. Yeah, but you can age cheese. Cheese is bad. Cheese ages very well.

Isn't cheese... Even when cheese goes bad, sometimes you can still eat it cheese even when cheese goes bad sometimes you can still eat it sometimes when cheese goes bad it's just more cheese yeah yeah isn't that what cheese is is like cheese is bad cheese you can age cheese you can age wine you can start with cheese it goes bad and you're gonna have cheese the main ingredient of cheese bad cheese is cheese yeah who's the first person to ever have cheese that's probably who decided to do some fat guy from the egyptians yeah dan's question who decided cheese was cheese i that's a fair question titus i know you're mocking me right now but at what point were they like wait we left this milk out for too

long oh it tastes good still that happened no one knows he made the first cheese see that seems like a discovery channel like you never wait so tight is wait a a Discovery Channel. Wait a minute. It was made accidentally by an Arabian merchant who put his supply of milk into a pouch made from a sheep's stomach. See? Doesn't sound like an accident. No, he took... Yeah, he did a camelback

of milk and was like, oh, fuck, it's gone bad. Oh, fuck, it's gone good. There was a point there that it went good. He had to make the decision to eat it, though. It's gone bad, so we throw this out, and he's like, no, no, it's gone bad. Oh, fuck, it's gone good. Yeah. There was a point there that it went good. He had to make the decision to eat it, though. Yeah. It's gone bad, so we throw this out, and he's like, no, no, no, no, no. No, let me give it a try.

Let's just wait and see. It's so much better. Let's see what happens. Next week, can we make butter on the yak? Can we buy butter churn? Yeah. Churn some butter. That Arabian dude is basically a yakker.

Discovering sheep. He's like, oh, I'm not going to eat this. It's so disgusting. No, you have to. It had to be exhilarating. Titus, let me ask you a question. I It's so disgusting. No, you have to. Had to be exhilarating. Titus, let me ask you a question. I think it's the best animal food. So you're never curious about this stuff? Like, who was the first person who tried

marijuana? Was that just a bush burning and they got high and they're like, that was cool? No, no, no. Of course I'm curious about this stuff. I just, like, my default is, like, someone. They slowly figured it out. Like, I don't think it was... The way you were asking it was that, like, there was a council that, like, arbitrarily... I don't think it was the way the way you were asking it was that like there was a council that like arbitrary i don't think it's arbitrary that

gold became valuable i think there was like a very real reason gold might be a bad example but and you and the way you framed it was like someone decided that they climbed up some mountain and there's a sage on top of the mountain and it was like what should be valuable and he was like gold here's one and i don't think it was who who invented the french fry how did that come about like deep someone drop a potato and like some boiling oil and was like oh damn this was good no that's exactly what yeah yeah there's a lot of these things but they probably did it on purpose they're always in my brain where i'm like yeah what are the best accidental inventions because i know ice cream cones one one of them. Penicillin, right? Like who decided the name Gary was a name? Yeah, like somebody had to have been the first of that name

and then it caught on like wildfire. Nobody knows anything, by the way. Oh, we're going to name it Gary? What? How'd that happen? Everything is a derivative. They were smoking weed in 2027. It's always the Chinese.

They did everything. Chinese rocked. The Chinese fucking do everything cool first. When we had the silk. smoking weed in 2027 it's always the chinese they did everything chinese rock the chinese fucking do everything cool first when we had the silks of our little peeners they had gunpowder yep gunpowder silk all this shit general so's yeah they were the first they got it all actually my buddy travis invented general says really yeah he was the first dude all right here's another one hold on what yeah tell us what are you being serious i just wanted to even explanation of the joke would have been fun no i just that's

that's the there's a place in new york city that has the first general so is the united states it's like on 65th i think really it's an It's an American food. Chun-Li West, yes. There's a documentary about it. It's like Caesar salad. It's like a bar in Tijuana. I went to it and I got it. How about the fact that Bobby Valentine invented the rap? Yeah.

That was a very recent invention that he did. The human siren? Dusty Baker invented the high five. Yeah, he did. That's true. Wait, were the human siren what? Who are you saying? Bobby Valentine invented the rap.

What do you mean the rap? What rap? To put a food in. Oh. He invented the rap. Is he a baseball? Nuh-uh. I was thinking of Valentino.

No. The ambulance acapella. Cyrus. Oh, wait. Maybe he didn't invent the rap shit. It says. But the rap reportedly didn't come around until 1982 when it was invented by Bobby Valentine. Imagine being the dude that invented the wrap.

Wow. That's pretty cool. That's fucking badass. But if I were going to invent something, I don't think I'd want wrap. Why not? Would you want wrap? I'd want to invent anything. Yeah, I guess anything.

But just every time someone's eating a wrap, you're like, you know, invented. Nobody has ever eaten a wrap and said. You call that an invention? Someone had to do it first, right? A discovery? Yeah, like how they eat it? Discovered wraps. Think about walking into a restaurant and being like, you like that wrap right there?

That was me. I did that. I put it all together. I just like the idea of using bread just to protect your hands from the rest of the food. Like bread is an edible vessel for your food. Yes. Soup bowls. Can I say a fat guy take? Yeah. Wraps suck. Wraps are terrible. No. Soup bowls. Can I say a fat guy take? Yeah. Wraps suck.

Wraps are terrible. No, you're right. That is a fat guy take. Yeah. Wraps are awful. Is that a fat guy take? Yeah, because fat guys, we don't like less food. I don't like flat wraps.

We don't like less food. It's less food. Big time. I think it's a good way to eat a sandwich, I guess. On the go, too. Also, now that I'm thinking about it, isn't Bobby Valentine just stealing from all Mexican people? Yeah, the burrito was the first.

Burritos forever? That's not true. Some food could be new. Some food is definitely new. What's a new food? What about Doritos Locos Tacos? But not Locos Tacos, Doritos. That's new.

You can't say that's not new. What's the newest food? What about when Burger King invented Doritos. That's new. You can't say that's not new. What's the newest food? What about when Burger King invented chicken fries? That was new. Those existed before, right? Stephen R's Pizza? Stuffed crust pizza, new. I mean, that's like 30 years old probably.

What's the newest food? What's the newest food that we eat? We haven't had a new food in a long time. What about those apples that taste like grapes? Oh, yeah, in Atlanta. How old are hamburgers? No, no, no, it's an apple. It's a grapple.

It's a grapple. It probably is from Atlanta. I got them from Kroger once. What about focaccia bread that just came out of nowhere like three years ago? Did that exist before? It's so good. Acai. Acai, yeah.

Oh, yeah, acai is definitely just like, what if we just made something look healthy, but it's not. Acai isn't good. And it's not healthy either. It's okay. Yeah. It's not healthy. They marked it as a superfood. It's a every class word puzzle.

I thought I had like hacked life when I started getting acai bowls. And then someone was like, you know, there's like 1500 calories in those. And I was like, fuck. Spoiled again. That's when I thought Jamba Juice was healthy. I did every day my first year of New York. Orange Dream every morning. That's just a cup of Orange Sherbert.

I gained like 27 pounds my first year at bar school. It's just the facts of life. Anything that tastes good is not good for you. It's not fair. How old is pizza? Pizza's got to be long. When's pizza's birthday?

Isn't pizza an American thing? Yeah, I don't know. Pizza and hamburgers are both relatively new. Hamburger was made in Connecticut, I believe. You think it's embarrassing? They were in the Civil War? Many people credit Rafael Esposito from the Naples region. All right, so I was wrong about that. America didn't invent it.

What about the calzone? Naples is in Florida. Yeah. I love calzones. What about the papadilla? and florida yeah i love calzone what about the papadilla that's new that's just a thing that they put papa on what right you don't know what a papadilla is loser he doesn't know what a papadilla is just a fold over it's a papadilla it's a quesadilla pizza well i don't it's presentations 90 of the food we got hank 27 papadillas for his 27th birthday.

He's like, this is the worst birthday ever. But they were delicious. Let's invent a dish. Okay. Grape tomatoes. What? Didn't come out until 1997. The little tomatoes?

There weren't little tomatoes when I was younger. Do you guys remember when the Blue M&M debuted? I do. That was huge. I would say 95. That was enormous. I think it was a Super Bowl ad. It was crazy when they had the Blue M&M in there.

My family found the Gray M&M. We came in second place. Really? Got a year's supply of M&Ms. What? 95, Blue M&M. I remember it was summertime, wasn't it? No, it was Super Bowl.

Oh, it was? I thought. I just remember getting it and being like, holy fuck, there's a blue one now? Yeah. Half of y'all are older than turkey bacon. What? Older than turkey bacon. 1991.

Yeah. I'm significantly older than turkey bacon. Turkey bacon's not good. I'm surprised I'm older than little tomatoes, though. Turkey bacon's not great. Great tomatoes are cherry tomatoes? Oh, portobello mushrooms. No, those have been...

Would you just Google, like, new foods? They didn't gain popularity until the 80s. Some of these just took a while to get traction. Yeah, that's what it is. Well, I always wonder, like, the people behind Big Kale. Who made Kale huge? Well, Kale came out of nowhere. Kale was...

Same with Acai. Pizza Hut, right? Pizza Hut Buffet had kale as the garnish. Before 2012, Pizza Hut was a global leader in buying kale. Yeah. Then you know all the challenges, like can you squish an egg with your hand? And I'm always like, I bet somebody from an egg company came up with that and made it go viral. So they started selling a ton of eggs.

Oh, yeah. Remember the slap cheese on stuff was really huge a few years ago. I slapped a craft. Aren't women slapping cheese on babies was really huge a few years ago? I slapped a craft. Aren't women slapping cheese on babies? On their babies. What? I slapped a craft single on a street sign in Queens where I lived, and for two years it stayed perfectly.

And you can check my Twitter. And it never decomposed or anything? Orange square up on the stop sign. You can check my Twitter. I have a whole timeline. I'm checking it on the chat. Tanner said avocados feel newish. Yeah, avocados definitely feel avocados feel newish.

Yeah, avocados definitely feel new. They feel newish. Someone also said, what about real Coke? I don't know if he means Coke. Well, that's a product. How long was cocaine in Coke? That ruled. I wish we had that.

That's pretty cool, yeah. Imagine just being like, is that not a myth? I thought that was a myth. No, I think it was real. Oh, and like meth and cough syrup and stuff like that. It wasn't cocaine. It was like the same plant. Codeine? Noine no no i'm pretty sure there was coke and coke the coke plant really does work plant that makes cocaine and coke

i mean that's a genius move just put a highly addictive drug in your cocoa it did in fact once can contain, according to the National Institute of Drug Abuse. When the popular drink was invented, it was first marketed as patent medicine. Cocaine was legal at the time, and was a common ingredient in medicines, according to the Institute. The cocaine in the drink, and later its removal, presented a delicate public

relations problem. Uh-huh, that's weird. For the company in its early years, according to the book For God, Country, and Coca-Cola. If the company responded to attacks by telling the truth, they would be admitting that the drink did once have cocaine in it. The implication would be that they had removed it because it was harmful, which might even open the doors to lawsuits. Besides, it's unthinkable to admit that Coca-Cola had ever been anything but pure and wholesome.

That's awesome. Dude, imagine if you could just get, like, would you go to a bar and just everyone just be drinking coke yeah just being like coke no no i don't need any booze wait be a proper country no exactly there's no way to know for sure exactly how much cocaine was once in the popular drink it's unlikely the amount reached well no shit the unlikely amount reached 3.5 grams seem to claim in 19 there was just 1 400th of a grain of cocaine pure ounce of syrup. By 1902 the drink was cocaine free.

Wait, they didn't perfect the decoconization process until 1929? It took them 27 years. How hard was it to get it up to how high is that? Damn. TJ, somebody tweeted us the oldest and youngest listener they're watching at the same time really yeah it's just an old person holding their great-grandfather yeah but

i think we got to look at this quick before he's gone oh yeah yeah yeah oh my goodness neither of those knows what's going on no that's no it's it's like a three-year-old and a... Both of them have shit in their pants. Dude, shout out that guy. That rules. Marco, shout out. The only way he's going to hear us is a shout out. Hell yes.

Hey, wake up. Hey. Let's wake up. We should do a segment that's interactive with the viewer where we wake up their old sleeping parent. Hold your baby or your grandpa to the screen. Yeah, we're going to yell at him right now. POV yak. You know something about that, TJ?

Here, big cat, make a baby cry right now. No, you can. Ah, yeah. Make him laugh. Yeah, you can make a laugh a few people have sent me their babies and toddlers dancing to the opening song that they get excited i guess their parents watch it during the day with the stay at home i can see where kids would love and the kids like are bopping around when the song comes on yeah but oh man but not old I haven't seen. That Marco rules. All right. You want to do the ad, Nick?

Then we'll get back to finding things. Let's keep learning. I like these. This is where we just start going down rabbit holes. Do you guys know what the most refreshing drink is? It's actually high noon. High noon? Yeah, I knew that one.

Yeah, we all knew that. It's time to load up on the ice and break out the oversized lawn games. Because high noon game day pack is back. Includes limited edition fan faves, we all knew that. It's time to load up on the ice and break out the oversized lawn games because High Noon Game Day Pack is back. It includes limited edition fan faves, pear and cranberry, along with black cherry and grapefruit. Made with real vodka, real juice, 100 calories, gluten-free, no added sugar. The High Noon Game Day Pack is a fall exclusive, which means it's here for a good time, not a long time.

Visit HighNoonSpirits.com before your next tailgate to find a pack near you. Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm. Delicious. That's me every time I have a pair of cranberry highnoons. Pairs. Shout out pairs. Shout out pairs. What other vaults do we have?

Seed vault. We do? We have a mountain with all of the inside of it because in case uh we get bombed i think it's in europe somewhere probably like a scandinavian country if the seeds are in the vault in the in the mountain wouldn't the mountain just start sprouting uh they're they're not planted got it all it's very organized it's very deep within a mountain so aliens could bomb the mountain and we'd be fresh out of seeds. It'll have to be a pretty strong bomb.

Yeah. I think aliens. And why would they want to take out our seeds? Let's get their seeds. What if they want our seeds? Is there sperm in there? What if they don't have corn on their planet? Yeah, you're right. That's true.

You need corn. You need corn. You've invaded a long time ago. I would fight to the death for corn. You would? Yeah. Well, corn's in everything we love. Corn and potatoes.

Global seed vault. It doesn't doesn't now this is a vault fort knox looks like shit compared to that looks awesome that looks out that looks like a bond movie you know that's the longest yeah hallway in the world to an elevator yeah i feel good about the lack of security around it that's like yeah like the the bad guys run this vault and as it turns out the seeds are radioactive or something, and they're going to kill everybody, and then Bond has to break into that vault. Yeah. Save everybody. That's a badass vault.

Seed Vault is the ultimate insurance policy for the world's food supply, securing millions of seeds representing every important crop variety available in the world today and offering options for future generations to overcome the challenges of climate change and population growth. Huh. Pretty cool. That is really cool. I had no idea this existed.

What type of seeds? All foods. All, like, vegetables and fruits, I think, are accounted for. Do they have, like, flowers and stuff, too, or just only foods? What did Johnny Appleseed do? He just dropped appleseeds all across America. He just walked around like this. He was just a klutz.

Is he a fraud? He had a hole in his pocket. Was he real? I think we need a similar vault with all the meats. We need just a bunch of cows and pigs. How would you describe it as a farm? I think you're describing it as a farm. I'll put them in a mountain underground.

You'd need a cum vault, actually. Yeah, so it's saying a semen vault. They would die. They would die. You're describing a farm. He's right. It would need to be the semen of just not on a farm. We got to stop pigs and cows. He's right. It would need to be the semen of those animals.

But then what will we put the semen in? But you have a vault. You put it in your freezer. Just hope there's not an earthquake. I do have a good... Because when the white rhino was about to go extinct, I'm assuming they got a bunch of white rhinos. No, I don't think so.

Then we just let them go. Because then extinct witness conception. Also, aren't we supposed to let them go extinct? It's not our fault. It is pretty much all the time, yeah. It's always us. It is? Yeah. But we've got to have a storage of all that cum. Did you guys know that the

big wind mills they put in the ocean actually does kill the whales? What? No. Yeah. What do you mean? I didn't know they put windmills in the ocean actually does kill the whales what no yeah what do you mean i didn't know they put no there's like yeah like the banging of like drilling the frequencies makes them go fucking nuts okay maybe this is where i found it Uh-oh. Well, Trump makes some good points, all right? That's so funny. I'm just walking around being like, yeah, we can't keep doing this.

The whales. All right, Trump got me on that one. All right, you know what? Big tease. Did you know Ted Cruz's wife was a dog? Fuck. I've had a couple of those recently i for some reason someone told me maybe like 20 years ago that every cadet at air force gets a free porsche when they graduate that's not true

that i guess is not true so i'm a man enough to admit what i'm that's so funny no i think i just i think trump said it i was like yeah he's right making a lot of sense yeah what the clip extreme regulatory attacks the biden administration is right now trying to bludgeon the boating and maritime industry we were just discussing it with a lot of boat companies back there that create a lot of jobs and having a hard time with a boat speed limit of less than 11 miles an hour about 10 miles an hour oh in other words like a slow golf cart yeah it's like a think of it along the entire eastern part of our country this is supposedly

in the name of preventing whale strikes but you have a better chance of being struck by lightning than hitting a whale with your boat. There has only been, listen to this, one such whale killed off the coast of South Carolina in the last 50 years. But on the other hand, their windmills are causing whales to die in numbers never seen before. Guys, this...

Where is he wrong? Numbers that don't exist. Where is he wrong? Numbers that don't exist. Where is he wrong? He saw three whales? Once a year. Now they're coming up. What is he railing against, though? He's fighting for the whales. Fighting for the whales.

Dudes being able to haul ass in their boats. That's what he's... I love his way to describe 10 was less than 11 everything also because he says make sense formulate 10 miles an hour in their head he had to say slow golf cart no no i mean everything he said yeah what brought this on was like a 10 miles an hour would be a fast golf fast no no 10 miles on a slow golf cart if the libs are trying to slow down our boat speed, I am going full right.

I'm going right wing extremist. And they're also killing the whales. Yeah. Can you just play the clip of him finding out about Ruth Bader Ginsburg? Wait, what song is playing? It's like an Elton John song maybe. I don't know if I've seen it.

Or Billy Joel song. It's so good. I think it might be Rocket Man. It's the best. I think it might be Rocket Man. It's the best. It might be. Yeah, it is Rocket Man. She just died? Oh, not Rocket Man. I just, you're telling me now for the first time.

She had an amazing life. What else can you say? She was an amazing woman. Whether you agree or not, she was an amazing woman who led an amazing life. I'm actually sad to hear that. I am sad to hear that. Thank you very much. You know as he's walking away, he has the most devilish smile.

Yeah, he's like, yes. He rubs his palm. Look at this guy. Did you see him mocking Biden getting off the stage? It was so funny. Oh, my God. Did he call Biden a motherfucker? I don't know if he called him a motherfucker, but he was so funny.

I think he called him a motherfucker. Find the clip of him talking about Biden going That might just be Shane. Shane does Trump so well that there's like Yeah, there was like a, I think Shane called Biden a Roomba coming off the stage and I just like memory hold it and was like, Trump said that?

Trump said it. Ain't so good at it. If you become president and you don't like somebody or if somebody's beating you by 10, 15 or 20 points like we're doing with Crooked Joe Biden, let's indict the motherfucker. Wait, but did he do the Biden where he's talking about him getting off stage? So fucking funny. He is. He is the best roaster of all time. Gift that keeps on giving.

It's going to be a landslide for him, isn't it? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Would you see now? They're like, we could make him the house speaker if we play our cards right. That's like one of the ideas being floated. Yeah. I don't hate it.

I don't hate it. Hey hate it more. I don't hate it. If Biden's going to make it, does anybody think he's going to make it to the starting gate? I mean, the guy can't find his way off of a stage. Look, here's a stage. Here's a stage. I've never seen this stupid stage before. I've never seen it.

He insults the stage. If I walk left, there's a stair.. If I walk left, there's a stair. And if I walk right, there's a stair. And this guy gets up. Where am I? The crowd erupts. Oh my God.

He's the greatest comedian of all time. Where the hell am I? Where am I? Oh he's so proud of himself He crushed it You set it up like a magician Like I've never seen this stage before Stage tell them

Have we met? Have we ever met? No we've never met This is a brand new stage I think Shane did have a bit How like Biden I don't feel the stage i think i think shane and yet i know a bit how like biden i think shane did have a bit that like biden is trump's kryptonite because trump just goes after him and biden's just like got nothing in his head he just like doesn't he like that because like you have to internalize it like when he destroyed jeb bush it like actually destroyed his soul yeah biden can't be flustered yeah yeah he's like where the

hell am i oh man what other caves we got this is my favorite type of yak yeah i love we're just zigzagging all over the internet learning yeah yak really is like just sit with us while we go through the internet for in the movie deep impact when we were about to get hit by an asteroid, and they had a lottery to put a million people inside a cave in Missouri to preserve humanity. Was that real? Do we have a cave like that? Oh. We have a cave?

The elites do. They have their own privates, for sure. Yeah, they have a bubble. Private cave. There's a bubble. Yeah. Okay. So we're going to take like 200,000 people and put them.

It's called Joe Rogan's Compound in Austin. Okay. I wouldn't mind you becoming a prepper with all that land in Mississippi you have. Yeah. There's some preppers. I have a prepper gene. Yeah. That's mostly from my dad's drug.

There's preppers that have been down there. They're still actively down there. Oh, like hiding? Oh, there might be. In their bunkers. Like people that live under... What was that Brendan Fraser movie, Blast from the Past? Encino Man.

Wait, was Encino... It was Blast from the Past. Encino Man was a caveman. Same sort of concept. There's people who buy old nuke cycles. What do they call them? Silos. And they've turned them into really cool prepper.

Because it goes so far down. I into like really cool prepper they go because it goes like so far down i want to buy a prepper i saw that on zillow gone wild someone had a prepper cave with like a pool in it zillow gone wild it's the best account on twitter oh it's the best it's crazy yeah i want to buy a prepper house did you do a yak from a from a bunker you guys do doomsday prep or no? What do you mean? What made you bring that up? We're kind of talking about a similar thing.

We're talking about that thing. Yeah, but do you guys personally do it? Not like a giant caveman. How would I do it? My parents have a basement with canned food, water, and some guns. Right. Do you do it? No, but I've thought about it. What would you do? have a basement with canned food, water, and some guns. Right, yeah. Okay. Do you do it?

No, but I've thought about it. What would you do? Probably a basement with a twister-type entrance, a lot of canned stuff, maybe some weaponry, water. There you go. Indoor plumbing. I definitely, do you have the person in your life who if shit goes down,

that's whose house I'm going to? Oh, I definitely have that. I have that, where I think person in your life who like if shit goes down like that's whose house I'm going to? I have. Oh I definitely have. I have that where I think I know where I would go. Yeah. My plan is just to go myself. I can't tell you. I don't want to tell you. We got 400 acres. I'm just going down to Uncle Donnie's house and we're just chilling. Yeah but how do you defend that? Ain't gonna have to.

Why? Don't know. Haven't thought about it. Get some walls. The zombie apocalypse comes i'm joining the zombies i thought we were doing zombies yesterday yeah we didn't turn into zombies is there any like tiktoks of people pretending like that frequency hurt them because i think there was one where somebody's like that went off and now my left arm doesn't oh do you guys want to do this test my friend sent me this test to see how old your hearing is oh shit yeah oh god I'm not gonna be good yeah hold on I gotta find it my ears thump whenever the news is on and when birds

chirp I can physically feel something in my ear going thump thump thump thump thump thump are you guys ready for this I don't know let me know when you stop hearing it you guys don't hear that oh is this gonna be like keep your hand up if you're gay yeah our heads explode don't lie Brandon 40 40? y'all don't still hear that

no you guys were like 26 I was 30 You still heard that after I lied a little bit too Sorry for anyone who's got a dog in their car Listening to the podcast That's wild isn't it

You were 40 That's not bad It's younger than what you are I'm deaf in this ear I can't hear obviously. You shouldn't have told me that. What? You shouldn't have told me that.

What would you possibly do? You shouldn't have told me that. What are you doing? I can't hear. He's right here. He's deaf in your ear. Oh! Have you ever noticed when we do the

I don't believe you. I tell him I can't put it. I have to put it in this ear. I believe Elliot Yamin from American Idol What can you use Oh I will How will you use that information to hurt me I will find a way

Wait you're disabled I'm not disabled Yes you are Elliot Yamin Yep Score one for Nicky Nick heads are on the board I thought so. Yep. Yep. Score one for Nicky. Yeah.

Nick heads are on the board. The thing I do is I pretend like maybe it's true, but I know. I know. Yeah, you knew that for a fact. It took me a while. It took me five years to learn that. Damn. I don't.

Is this a big deal? You're half a Keller. There's something. Quarter. Quarter. Quarter Keller. Was it like an infection or was it like you got hit? Oh,

no, not. Oh, you just lied. It snapped right by my fucking face. What, what snapped? What do you mean? What's.

Yeah, you don't know what snapped. How did you, how do you know what snapped? Fire. How do you, hold on, close it.

Put your, how do you know it snapped? Plug this here. No, stop. Plug your left ear. I don't want to. Plug your left ear. You're just saying that. wire how do you hold on close it put your how do you know it's here plug this here stop plug your left ear i don't want to plug your left ear you're just saying that do you want attention is this he wants attention you can't hear me i can't see green with my left eye that's that's that's just a fact wait really that's a fucking fact yeah? Can't see green with my left eye, but my right eye is always open, so I can see green all the time.

Bucky Covington from American Idol can't see green out of his eye. I think. Can you see green out of your left eye? Not at all. I don't know. Brandon, are you truly deaf in that ear? Yeah. Lifty Martino, you're making his parking sign do the little handicap man on it yeah you snapped it

right in my face but your face can't hear but you can't my my oh that was that was that was that was a soft wonder that's in the mic that was you guys are putting these things in my peripheral vision that was soft snap that was that was a soft snap. You guys are putting these things in my peripheral vision. That was a soft snap. That was a soft snap. That's all right. Brandon, did you want attention? Why would you lie about that? You put something in my peripheral vision and snapped it. We can give you attention another way.

Yeah, just ask for attention. Just come on the show and be like, I need some attention. Give me a week for the Zoloft to kick in. Oh, you did it? Oh! Yes! Just give me a week. No, we got to get our scare in you.

How did you start? Yesterday. Fuck yes, Brandon. Yeah, I got it. So can y'all give me about a week? Maybe longer. Maybe years. Two weeks, huh?

It takes a while. It takes a while. Does your dick still work? So far, yeah. Well, we got to test that. Well, I did last night. Oh! And it did? Uh-huh. Nice. Yeah. Jerking off into last night. Oh! And it did?

Uh-huh. Nice. Jerking off into your toilet. Nope. Hotel sex. Oh! What? You went to a hotel last night?

Yeah, went out to dinner and went to a hotel. Wait, is your sister in town? My mom's still here. Oh. No, I was making an incest joke. They made this. Oh. But Brandon did it.

I thought that was funny. I was like, what? Damn damn Brando yeah Zoloft Brandon good job Brandon picked it up yesterday so you're gonna be no fun can you get high off those I thought

it was gonna be more fun you're gonna be better at your job less fun yeah what happens if I take it what happens if you find happiness and peace of mind and you just suck at the job now?

Oh, man. I'd be fine with that. Yeah. No matter how incredible I am at the job, y'all still just fine. I know this sounds sappy and you don't believe anything I say. I'm legit happy for you. Thank you very much. I appreciate it.

I thought for sure you wouldn't do anything about it. Yeah. No. If we're being honest, 100% honest, the mousetraps pushed me over the top. All right. Here we go. Look at us. Look at us.

We did it. We're the best. You guys would not relent and led me to a major lifestyle change. Okay. So that you could laugh for three seconds. That's how big changes happen. Look at us. If you have a buddy out there who's struggling.

Mousetraps. Yeah, mousetraps. Invite them on the yak. We're lifesavers. We're heroes. We're first responders. Wow. Imagine in like two weeks, you're like, hey, you guys still got those mousetraps?

Yeah. I'm going to be a mousetrap king in two weeks. Yeah. Give me a week or two weeks and let's see where we're at. You're going to. Oh, this is so exciting. I'm so excited for you. You're going to be so much happier.

I hope so. I miss. What is that? What is that? Stefan was moving that thing back there. The Zoloft hasn't kicked in yet, Stefan. We need a bigger dose there. Zoloft hasn't kicked in yet, Stefan. We need a bigger dose. Zoloft hasn't kicked in yet.

Can I have some? It doesn't work that way. Oh, shit. I tried to flip my Sertraline in high school. Didn't work. Are we the best friends ever? No, not even fucking close. I think we are.

I've met nobody else in your life. Nobody else in your life stepped up. If we're being honest, you all are a bunch of cunts. Outside of TJ and Zah and sometimes Steven, you all are a bunch of fucking pricks to me. I don't know. I fucking hate most of you. They broke you down so that you can build your own. No, not they, Kate.

You're in it too. You're in it too, bitch. You were heaving it. You're in it too. Ain't no they. It's that one. build your own. No, not they, Kate. You're in it, too. You're in it, too, bitch. You were heaving it. You're in it, too. Ain't no they. It's that one, less that one, mostly this one. This one has joined very quickly. What did I do?

And then that one over there is 50-50. Yeah, if we're really breaking it down, I should get all the credit for this. You do drive the bus. Yeah. Yeah, and sometimes Kyle gets on, sometimes he doesn't. Sometimes Nick gets on, sometimes he doesn't. Kate, you're always on the bus. Yeah. And sometimes Kyle gets on, sometimes he doesn't. Sometimes Nick gets on, sometimes he doesn't. Kate, you're always on the bus. Titus has been sitting shotgun for a while.

Titus got on the bus and said, floor it, big cat. Titus got on the fucking bus and like, let's go as fast as we can. That's the people you want in your corner. Yeah, I saw an opportunity for some exposure therapy. You saw the mousetraps. You saw the boogeyman. TJ and Zara sitting on the side of the road watching the bus go by cheering.

Does this make us doctors? No. It makes you cunts. Again, it makes you assholes. You making Zaga off your seat on the bus? Huh? You making Zaga off your seat on the bus? He's into that.

I think it's YakMD now. Yeah. What if it doesn't work? You're welcome, Brandon. It will work. You're perfect for this. Yeah. Who's next?

Who are we going to fix next? Stephen Che? No chance. He's our toughest test. He doesn't think. He's the final boss. We have to convince him he's broken. Medicine won't work on him.

How can we figure out a way to get che shame let's pants him what if he has a mega cock that's true he probably probably have to hurt you wait you grew up catholic right yeah and you still have no shame yeah he's unbreakable yeah that's that's unbreakable we gotta find a way to get Shame Che. Get TJ to open up about his Amazon gift. There's nothing that would give you shame. What if the Bucks organization was like, we're embarrassed of this fan. Don't let this be representative of our team.

Barred from every game. He'd be like, funny joke, buddy. Fan from facility. No, that's a good move by them. Yeah, I mean, that would be increased PR and more people would associate me with the team. So, I mean't love it but it wouldn't even kind of you could spin it away it'd be better doesn't miss a beat what if what if when when we open the new office we play basketball and you just completely lose the ability to like ever play like you're dribb, and it looks like you've never touched a basketball before. Something happened in your brain.

Probably be good at other stuff. I mean, we do go back and watch the Nadoo basketball video a lot, just how funny it was. Have you ever felt shame? This is weird. This is crazy, but it's the truth. Have you ever had a sexual performance where you had to apologize for it? Before you found the videos.

Yeah, before I found the videos. Yeah, but then he fixed that. This is insane. Yeah, he never. Yeah, I don't really feel that. There's three of them before your wife. I don't really feel that thing called. Do you ever feel guilt?

No, I don't really feel that thing called... Do you ever feel guilt? No. I don't think so. Have you ever sincerely apologized for anything? Can you describe what we're talking about? Yeah. Like, I'm going to be away next week, so I feel bad that I'm going to, like, miss my family those couple days.

That's just missing. You know, that's missing. You've, like, done something've done something to hurt somebody. It may have been trivial, but you felt guilty. I say sorry all the time, but I don't really mean it most of the time. You ever put out the

apology last week? That is a sociopath. We recorded a Jalen Hurts apology last week. We went about 10 deep and cuts. We did it like 10 times. Finally got it right.

And at the end he said, I'm not putting that out. I don't feel that. I stand by that. He shouldn't have. Oh, you're right. Yeah, I'm glad we had that. Sometimes just taping the apology makes you feel better. That's what it was.

Is it still on your phone? Yeah. So if we ever need it, we got it. Yeah. That's what it was. Yeah. Is it still on your phone? Yeah. So if we ever need it, we got it. Yeah. If he gets hurt? Hopefully not, but yeah.

Damn, Che does not feel, he doesn't even, what, is this a surprise to you? No, it's not a surprise, but like,

not even knowing guilt. I guess maybe I wish I didn't say that, but like, at the end of the day, like, I don't really care that much. Yeah.

Have the, have the like, threats and stuff I don't really care that much. Yeah. Have the threats and stuff died down? For the most part. Yeah. So it's whatever. I didn't really care about those. It was more just like. I kind of took your shine on the thing. Yeah.

Are you appreciative of heat? Yeah. You, Chris Sims, everybody is just kind of in the wash. I've been getting some nice threats. Some good old fashioned threats. They'll threaten you online in a heartbeat. Oh instantly. Quick.

Some of them are funny. Is it still going? Yeah. I think it's got probably another day and a half because all the news articles came out. The New York Post has like reposted the article like six times which is funny because everyone's just roasting Rachel Ziegler's eyes, which is great.

That's good. My favorite tweet, though, is someone tweeted a long time ago, but they use it as a picture. It's that men should start their life in jail and prove their way out. I kind of like that. I like that. Yeah. All men should start in jail. Have you gotten to any other, any other different countries yet?

Different languages? Yeah, I don't do the translate tweaks, you know. So if you, like, refresh your Twitter now, it's like it'll actively still come up? Yeah, it will. I muted the original tweet just so that way I, because, like, I wouldn't have been able to be online otherwise. But, yeah, there'll be some stray ones that just come through

like hope you die hope your family dies you know there's some there's some nasty ones that's what i said harry styles looks like he can eat pussy i went through it for like a week but why were they mad about that they said i was sexualizing him which he said like in a rolling stone article he said he didn't want to be sexualized anymore And then the watermelon sugar video came out Where he's like eating a watermelon Like it's a pussy And I said he looks like he can eat pussy

For like a week People think it's me In the sexy red leaked sex tape this morning Wait what? I've gotten like four Four or five DMs asking if it was me Isn't there a gigantic dick in there? That's right, yeah.

I should say, by the way, last thing about that, the cool part about it is how many people ride for me. And I don't need the defense, but it is cool to see. Whenever people ride for you hard, like that's awesome. I'm like, yeah, those are my dogs. Some people are in like 50 back and forth Twitter threads. We met without you put up to a vote to kick you off the yak. The yak with co.

Who voted which way? One person wants you off. Brandon, I saved your life. No, it was Titus. Oh, yeah, that makes sense. He's a Taylor Swift fan. Titus is supposed to fuck shit up. Create chaos.

Oh. Make you into a meme. God, we got to get him. Wait, is Buzz Lightyear going to fight him? He has to fight a woman. Let's go then. Let's run it. Let's run it.

Oh, he's going to fight Big Kid Dinner? I'm all in. Rest in peace, Fasoli. Can we see him? Yeah. Oh, no. Oh, nothing I say to fight big kid dinner? I'm all in. Rest in peace, Fasoli. Can we see him? Yeah. Oh, no. Oh, nothing I say is serious. No.

Oh, he's not even living in the real world. Damn it. Fuck. Oh, and his pin tweets about pegging. Is it? One time I went on a date to Chili's and I got this text after I dropped her off. Would you let me peg you with what? A fucking strap-on idiot? is it one time I went on a date to Chili's and I got this text after I dropped her off would you let me peg you with what a fucking strap-on idiot I don't know if that happened no it didn't no

no we saved Brandon's life yeah we did Brandon you're welcome I saved your life I have a question for the room do you you guys know what bike hand signals are? They're a lot more cyclists in Chicago than in Los Angeles, and I'm encountering more people on bikes and shit, and I've been seeing a lot of, like, they'll start to fucking go. I hate that left and right are the same. And I never have any idea what they mean. So they just do shit.

This is left. This is right. No, it's Steven. Give it to us. Here we go. Uh-huh. That's it? What is this?

I think it's this. This is stopping. Yeah, that might be stopped. This is right. I had a guy. Oh, my God. Left line, piece of shit. Right hand?

It's up. So is this something that, like, I'm a weirdo for not knowing? Because I'm falling behind bicyclists, cyclists, I guess, and they're just, like, moving their hands, and I'm just kind of like, I don't know what the fuck that means, buddy. This is tough. I believe this was all on everyone's driving test. Oh, wait, this is the back of the bicyclist?

Are we looking at the back of it? Yeah, this is the back of it. What does give way mean? Like, go around. Oh wait, this is the back of the bicyclist? Are we looking at the back of it? Yeah, this is the back of it. What does give way mean? Oh. Slow down. I'm never responding to this if I do this. No. Slow down. Chaps got hit by a car on his bike yesterday. He did. He went over his handlebars.

From the back? Yeah. The person swerved into the bike lane and hit him and another bicyclist, and he went flipping over the front of his bike. Yeah. And he said the person felt so bad that he felt bad for them and didn't get their information. And today he's like, I can't move. Yeah.

Yeah. He said, yeah, after he's like, I think I'm fine. And I was like, are you sure? He's like, well. Yeah. He's like, the adrenaline's got to be insane from that. I think his bike camera caught the moment that he's going over. Wait, did he put it in the blog?

I don't know. Did he blog that he got hit by a car? Yeah. Is he running the Barstool Fund now? Did you see Chas' blog? Did he put in the bike cam footage? That's crazy. Getting hit by a car.

Have you guys ever been hit by a car? I got my foot run over when I was a kid. Never been hit by a car. I've never ever been hit by a car? I got my foot run over when I was a kid. Never been hit by a car. I've never even been hit by a car in a car. I got backed into walking through a Walmart parking lot by my teacher in high school. No way. Yeah.

Which teacher? It was Mr. It was the history teacher. Yeah, of course. No, he doesn't. Honors history, not AP. I'm going to text him and see if we can get the cam yeah cam footage i want to see this does he have footage i don't i i have to ask him but because his blog says hold on um i got hit by a car this morning on my bike and there was a cool iphone setting that made

it all worth it so i was wondering if the iphone setting was the oh that's i think i don't think that means that he filmed it oh that's right his he the he's like alert went off he's in trouble yeah the second he got hit his phone knew that he got hit by a car or something my bad i misinterpreted that what a waste of a car accident yeah i want the footage bad i rode my bike to work here a few weeks ago and i was like that's probably yeah that's not smart you don't need to be doing that no no i know you're pregnant right i know foot of that child i know yeah that was a mistake You're due November 1st Yeah Yeah so we're gonna have to

It was supposed to be a secret But I ruined it We're gonna have to do A baby shower episode We planned a surprise Wait how'd you ruin it I said Kate we're gonna have to do

A baby shower episode And Brandon said That was supposed to be a secret I said You can still make the date Oh wait I thought she wasn't In that group She wasn't

I said it out loud You can still make the day A surprise Where she doesn't know Yeah I said Kate we're gonna do A baby shower episode Yeah you won't know when You won out loud. It's not like the day of surprise where she doesn't know. Yeah, I said, Kate, we're going to do a baby shower. Yeah, you won't know when. You won't know when it's coming. All right.

Probably before November. It'll be like November 15th. November 15th. We're going to throw ourselves a party. After Thanksgiving. Oh, yeah, we got to do a baby shower. I also think we should do, I'm going to buy some more drunk goggles. I think, what else should we put?

I think the first yak in the new studio, we should do a special yak basketball where we, like something really fun. Yeah. Which would be like, we spin and someone, you know, a couple people have to wear their drunk goggles, someone has to wear boxing gloves. Be just like- Think of some more things.

Yeah. Are we allowed to roller skate on the court or no? I don't know because if we set up a course with the drunk goggles oh that could be I think it should be a walking course

or a running course oh yeah you're right I'm gonna get like four pairs of drunk goggles and then we'll get well like an obstacle course if we set up an obstacle course yeah

I think what about just a game of basketball let's just get some we just play basketball yeah we could play let's go. Let's get a good run in Yeah, and in versus everybody else That works for me. Maybe we'll do drop. Yeah, maybe we'll do like a oh

Maybe we'll do a wheel Every day where someone gets to take a half-court shot with the drunk coggles and like every day. I'll add ten bucks Oh, yeah, it's going up and up day I'll add $10. Oh, yeah. It just keeps going up and up and up. That's awesome. Yeah. That would rule. I was being nibby this morning, and I was listening.

Nibby? What? Nibby. You know, like listening into a conversation. Is that not a thing that people? Nibby. You just made that up. What the fuck?

All of our 80-year-old listeners were like, I know exactly what he did. I thought you were nibbling on something. Yeah, I did too. Nibby? Nibby knows. That's definitely a slur. Nibby? Nibby Nose. That's definitely a slur. Nibby? Yeah. Nosy? Interfering inquisitive

nosy, right? He is the crossword guy. He does his thing. Nick's got the best words. I was being a Nibby Nose this morning and I was listening into a conversation with Kate and Nicky Smokes. What did he genuinelyby nose this morning, and I was listening into a conversation with Kate and Nikki Smokes. Okay.

What did he genuinely ask you this morning? He asked me if cocaine was bad for a fetus. If you could do cocaine right now. If I could do cocaine. He asked me if I did cocaine. He said you could do blow, right? Because he said it goes only up into your head, and it doesn't affect your body. He's also, God bless him, he's the only one that just walks up and touches my belly wait what no my god no my god no oh my god you can't do that

oh my god i don't mind because it's him you can't do that i feel like that's like the biggest no-no ever he walks up he said what's up big girl yeah i googled can you do that. I feel like. That's like the biggest no-no ever. He walks up and says, what's up, big girl? Yeah. I Googled, can you do cocaine while you're pregnant? And it just gave me like a drug crisis. Oh, my God. No, Kate. This is your belly?

Does he rub it? He asked the cocaine question very seriously. He just kind of walks up and is like, what's up, baby mama? Oh, my God. I feel like he gets a lot of passes in my mind. He's not here. There's something about him. Why does he get a pass?

There's something about him that I feel like. You think he's stupid, yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I know. I can't explain it. It's so wrong. It's a certain je ne sais quoi. All right, I'm going to call him.

This is. Yeah, please. You're like not supposed to do that. I don't even think it'll register if you tell him he does it. Cause I don't think he even thinks about it. I heard him say baby mama to you. Yeah. Is it his?

Maybe. I don't know. It could be. Abort it. Uh, Nikki, where are you? We're live on the act. I'm getting cut while I'm leaving the barbershop. You're getting cut.

Okay. That's a cool way of saying it. Are you coming back to the office right now? Yeah. How long is it going to take you? Five minute walk. All right. Come on the act when you get here.

All right. Bye. I want you, when you see him coming in, I want you to stand up and start walking that way. See if he walks. Yeah. Let's get him down the hallway and see if he wants it. No, he won't.

Che, will you sit right there looking down the hallway? He's already touched it for the day. He's not going to touch it again. Sit back here and when he's coming, let us know. Just give us a, say pineapple. Okay? And then when he says pineapple, just stand up and then just like when he's getting here walk and just see okay put your belly out a little yeah yeah i don't even think he did it so

casually both times that like i don't even think it registered right to it that's horrifying he's really kicking that's like the one thing you can't ever do i don't think i rubbed my own wife's belly when she was pregnant. Women do it, right? Women will go up and do it. Oh, yeah, women can do it. Women are allowed to do it. They always ask me, though. Yeah.

Like, women do ask me to do it, but they ask. That is insane that he does. Does he one-hand or two-hand? I think it was the one-handed, like, hey, what's up, baby mama? That's it. This is worse than the guy going down the cave. He called me beautiful mama today, which was very nice. Thank you.

I'm not offended by it. He tries to palm it like a basketball. Licks his hand, and he's like, let me get a good grip on that. You're a big pumpkin. Yeah. And he genuinely was like, can you do cocaine? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

And then he slapped my butt. He was like, have a good yak. Oh, you can't? What about this? Kyle, are we trading? Yeah. Stories? That's what I'm under the impression that we did. So I'm doing, text me what I'm doing TJ again because I've got to write it this afternoon.

Camara. Are you done? Who's all done? I have my full outline and my, like, opening. The teaser is condensed with mine. I'm going to need an extension, TJ. I'm at 1,400 words right now. Oh, shit. Oh, my God.

I might need an extension. No extension. Sorry, you guys. Where are you guys at? I'm not here tomorrow. How are we doing? Merch has to have it by tomorrow. Yeah.

Merch has to have it? Yeah, so they can get it made Yeah, also can we submit illustrations? Yeah, I think it's gonna help us maybe quick fix nice Oh, that's good Quigs is gonna go crazy. I wrote mine like immediately, but you know That's a different different you give us an excerpt So there's a twist at the end and I'm scared that

I'm scared that I let me see let me pull it up well I'll just say I don't know how much I want to tell because I think my the protagonist is named Branson Waller okay yeah yeah he's a boy of 18 he's just utterly unfuckable yeah yeah I

don't know I think that's that's it I don't really want to give away excerpts that's fine yeah for it big cat what That's what he does Flooring the bus It's Branson Wall You got Zoloft Oh, no I just realized I gotta write about Brandon I don't know if his dick works with Zoloft This is fantasy, though That's a new twist in my chapter

This is fantasy Of course my dick works Camara's like, I thought you were See, I'm off the bus Yeah, Camara's like, I thought you were a big, strong boy, and you were going to fuck my line. Aren't I getting fucked? Yeah.

Well, you could also be fucked. It just has to end in a come-from. He would like you to be hard while you get fucked. Right. Oh, you're not into this? I'd feel bad if I was fucking you and you weren't hard at all. Yeah. I'd end up blaming myself.

You're not into this, Brandon? No, I am. No, I am. I just have a fear of mousetraps I couldn't hear you Branson looked down at the mess before him golly I sure am plum out of cum he whispered such a little taste oh pineapple pineapple yeah pineapple oh okay pineapple he smokes let's see the cut you'll see that cut Nikki oh you got a blowout nice

yeah like dolphins bills see how to keep You did it. You fucking creep. What the fuck? He got tipped off. It's for good luck. You didn't get tipped off. Somebody tip you off. Nikki, sit here. Sit here. Let Kate sit back down. Somebody tip you off.

I can't believe he did it. Wait, was that a bet? Well, no. We just, Kate told us that you rub her pregnant belly, and we're like, no fucking way does he do that. I rub her belly. I call her baby mama. I call her Frego.

He does. He does. What rub her belly. I call her baby mama. I call her Frego. He does. He does. What the fuck is going on? Why? You're not supposed to do that. Why not? Social graces. Yeah.

Wait, that's not normal? No. Definitely not. To palm a woman's stomach like a basketball. You're a woman co-worker. She's like my friend now. We're friends, right? I said I wasn't offended by it.

That's not. I've known Kate for a very long time. You've never rubbed her belly? No! Why? I've never touched Kate. None of these guys have ever touched Kate. I don't think I've ever laid a finger. I actually would say they're disgusted by it. Does the beef know about this? I haven't told the beef.

Oh my god, beef's gonna kick your ass, bro. Is that why you stood up? You set me up? Yeah, because we could not believe that this was true. I was like, watch. She was like, yeah, he touches my pregnant belly. We're like, no fucking way. Yeah. And then we're like, let's get him on here.

And you just did it. Yeah. What did you ask Kate this morning? What did I ask her? Yeah. Oh, if she did cocaine, if it would fuck up her baby. Why did this question come into your head because she was drinking coffee and i was like damn that baby's gonna be doing flips in there

and she's like yeah well what if i did coke and then i asked i was like well is that gonna fuck the baby up i didn't think it would why because i thought it usually just goes straight to your dome but they were telling me it goes in like your bloodstream and shit yeah definitely definitely goes in your bloodstream. Definitely goes in your bloodstream. You're perfect in every way, man.

Yes. I love you. You just thought the cocaine just like just sits in your brain? I mean, I don't feel it in my blood. I mean, that's

a good counterpoint. One nothing. That's a really good counterpoint. I didn't think about that. I didn't think about that. You are, I mean, yeah. I already bought all the Nicky Smokes stock.

I have it all. Yeah. Can we be friends again? No, it's up to Jerry. I texted him. We got to make this right. He didn't answer. Yeah, so I go with Jerry.

Why? I thought he used to be on your leash. No, no, no, no. We walk each other. All right. Yeah. I'll make it up to him yeah i don't know how i don't know either maybe i'll just buy him food or like help him with his house maybe you gotta wait till like his wife his girlfriend gets pregnant again and then just start

rubbing her belly well when when his family wasn't there he was calling me to hang out every day now he doesn't call me anymore well yeah he's got a family yeah but it's like that's not an excuse well no that is the definition of an excuse family is that how you get out of everything 100 i don't have that luxury smokes i got a question for you i'm taking the uh mostly sports boys out to a nice dinner tonight um the whole crew's going and uh i guess brandon is too you were going half season brandon and i are taking them out um and we were discussing whether we are allowed to make content out of this trip and whether the dinner like we can yeah are we allowed to film anything now it is not a cash only establishment so that's where it's a really good question that's where we got confused so here's my rule if you guys are sitting at your own table, you can do content.

If you're at the actual bar with the bartender, you can't do content. I agree with that. You just like your belly rubs. You just want to be touched. The bar is a shared space. How many people were at the bar when you did it? Like four, five, plus a bartender six okay did you think they were anti i don't really have anything for you i'm just looking at you like

how how did we get how did you become a co-worker of mine i'm the make-a-wish kid one thing i never understood too was how did you make the bet with dave and then end up in the chicago office tell the whole story new york started with you I'm the make-a-wish kid. One thing I never understood, too, was how did you make the bet with Dave and then end up in the Chicago office? Tell the whole story. Not the New York office. It started with you going to Buffalo, right? Yeah.

Do we have the clips? The video of you in Buffalo. It started with the Dolphins game. In Buffalo. No, in Miami. And I told everyone to enjoy their flight home. Just type in enjoy that flight home at Nicky Smokes. It'll pop up, and then I'll leave.

Yeah, so that happened. Dave quoted pop up and then I'll leave. Yeah. So that happened. Dave quoted it said this guy sucks. I'm like, I'm never working for Barstool. This is done. So I started selling insurance. And then I went. Oh, my God.

What kind of insurance? Health. I was a beast on the phone. But then I went to Buffalo, met the chef, and then we took a picture together. And then Dave said, this kid's on one hell of a redemption tour. And he followed me. So I was like, all right, bet. Like, I'm back in the mix.

Don't hear from him for like three months. And then the Heat started playing the Celtics in the Eastern Conference Finals. We were beating the fuck out of them. And I was just chirping them, talking shit. And then he started firing back at me. And then the Celtics won game six in Miami and I did the ice soup video thing and then the next morning I woke up he dm'd me and said do you want to bet game seven and I said absolutely and then he knows I he literally

said I know what I could offer you what could you possibly offer me so I said if I lose I'll get a Dave was right tattoo with like a three leaf clover and if i win i get a job it's great pat so how i kind of knew all that it was more that like this was a bet with dave dave is more of a new york office kind of guy okay so how do we get so lucky to get he offered me he said do you want to go to new york chicago or stay in florida i was tired of living in my dad's fucking two-by-two, 100-square-foot apartment, so I wanted to get out of Florida. Cheap shot at your dad.

Yep. I love him, but he embraces that he's broke. Like, he's like the coolest guy. I love my dad. No shade at my dad. He's cool being poor. So I could stay here, help him out, or I could just get the fuck out. No shade on your dad.

Yeah, yeah, no. Did you have, like, a— Did you share a room with him? Nah, I had my own bedroom. Okay. Yeah. But you were just sick of— Yeah, and his no. Did you have, like, a... Did you share a room with him? No, I had my own bedroom. Okay. Yeah. But you were just sick of... Yeah, and his Wi-Fi sucks, so anytime I try to, like, do content, it was all, like, choppy

and shit. Your dad's a loser is what you're saying. No, he's not a loser. He's got a great heart. He's just financially a loser. Okay, okay. What happens when you brought girls back to your dad's tiny-ass place? I just bang them out.

But, like, he... brought girls back to your dad's tiny ass place i just bang him out but like he like how did you think that answer was gonna go nick uh no i i i'm out i said that knowing yeah he's like good shit heard you last night thanks pops okay do you have that um tj but yeah i told dave there was no way I was ever going to New York. I'd rather have stayed in Florida than go to New York. Enjoy that flight home. Oh, my God. Enjoy that flight home. Oh. This is just a random.

Enjoy that flight home. Enjoy that flight home. What's up? Why is it so choppy? What's up? Great shirt. Did you have the game-winning touchdown or something? What happened?

You have the game-winning touchdown, you asked? No, but that's how I feel when I go to games. I feel like I'm in the fucking game. Yeah, I know. You ended our friendship over the last game. Yeah, but that was fucked up. By you. By you.

Oh, boy. All you had to do was smoke. I'm fading the dolphins.. Yeah, but that was fucked up. By you. By you. Oh, boy. All you had to do was smoke. I'm fading the Dolphins. All right, cool. Like, that's fine. But I watch Barstool Sports Advisors, and before you give the pick, Nicky Smokes, Frank the Tank, buying a trip to Vegas, blah, blah, blah. All facts.

Fuck them. I'm betting the bills. So I took that personally. All facts. You did say that. All right, wait. So back to your dad. Is he mad that you left?

He misses me. He sent me a picture of a nice ribeye, some mashed potatoes, and corn and said, Miss having these meals with you. Damn. That's not damn. Yeah, that kind of hurt me. Is the money worth it? What did you say?

Yes. Enjoy poverty, bitch? No, I said I miss you too. All right, all right. Like, don't worry, Pops. I'll bang someone out this weekend. I'll record it and send it to you? Yeah, maybe not record it.

Just the audio. Yeah. The audio. Oh, my God. All right, wait, so you were like, no New York, Chicago. Because I remember you hit me up and I was like, yeah, come on in. I want more weirdos. Yeah, so that made sense.

Well, I knew all the sports guys were coming here. When are your pranks going to start? When we open the new office? Well, I have one prank in mind. Because this is for everyone who doesn't understand. Nicky Smokes, like three weeks into the job, he asked to sit down with me and ask for advice. And I was like, you know, just ease your way into it.

This doesn't really count right now because we're in this limbo, weird spot. And he was like, I don't know what I should be doing should i be doing like pranks well no and actually i regret i regret so much not being like yes i i only brought up the pranks because i'd come in here and it was like a dead silent library so i wanted to bring a little more juice yeah i was like how can i get people fired i'm giving you full prank you you can do any prank my first pranks on the yak i already know what i'm gonna do like I'm pranking you but my first prank will be on the yak when you guys are live oh shit so loft relax Brandon shit this now makes me nervous you're gonna pray how good is a

prank I think it's something you've done before? Yeah, I used to do it all the time. Oh, my God. He's going to fuck us. He's going to force us to cocaine. Give me an idea. Just put a sack on the table. Without spoiling what the prank is, what to you is the best prank ever?

I don't know. I need to understand what you think is a prank. I can't do that. It probably involves pain, some type of pain. No, I need to understand what you think is a prank. I'm not a prank guy. If you hit me in the nuts, you'd be like, that was a sick prank. Fucking hilarious.

Is that a prank? I need to know what you think a prank is. What do you think a prank is? I spray painted your car, LOL. No, I'm not doing that. I'm not trying to get fucking arrested. Okay. That's what I need. I don't want to tell you guys. No, I don-painted your car, LOL. No, I'm not doing that. I'm not trying to get fucking arrested. Okay. Okay.

That's what I need to know. I don't want to tell you guys. All right. No, I don't want to know. I don't want to know what it is. I want to know what you think. Yeah, you're going to get pranked. I can assure you of that.

This is great. So, all right. So, yeah, and then you can just prank anyone you want to prank. I'm giving you free reign to prank. Free reign. When we get to the new office. Now, if someone were to get hurt. Nicky Pranks.

Am I liable? Yes. I would say so. If you hurt somebody. Well, that someone were to get hurt. Nicky Pranks. Am I liable? Yes. I would say so. If you heard somebody. Well, that takes like Ted Pranks off the list. He's just going back. I want to do the one where. His desk, he's crossing things off.

Like, all right, we can't light him on fire. We can't. I wanted to put an airbag under Titus's seat. Oh. That's a pretty good prank. That's a good prank. Yeah. I'd allow that.

I would be okay No way you could construct that I would hire someone I would hide it under the chair And stuff it in there But you guys get here too early I feel like that would be a prank That we wouldn't get on video

Nah That is part of the prank You gotta actually document the prank The new office and it, it'll be live. Yeah. Yeah. True. All right, so, okay.

Thank you, Nicky Smokes. I'm excited. You're going to prank us. Yes. Guaranteed. Guaranteed prank. I have no idea what we're going to get. Yeah, I'm still a little concerned.

I'm still a little concerned he's going to, like, kidnap Brandon's kids and be like, prank. Just punch us in the face. Here's a prank. Do you think he'll keep rubbing your belly after you've had the baby? Maybe. Okay. I think you're close anyway.

There's something about him. He's allowed. There is something about him. I can't. I know that people. Well, there's definitely something about him. He's just the perfect amount of dumb weirdo that i like i have the same job title as him yeah he said i love he makes more though i got a question what's gonna happen when

mince moves here and mince it and him are in the same building it's gonna be great like that's this is my entire life has been building up to this moment to have this fun factory. A toy box. Yeah, like, Mince, Che, Nicky Smokes, Jerry. Like, think about. White Sox Dave. White Sox Dave. Like, think about the, think about the pranks.

I did a free swim with Eddie and Nicky last week. And Nicky, and White Sox Dave. And Nicky said that he aspires and Nikki and White Sox Dave and Nikki said that he aspires to be like White Sox Dave I love that years that's exactly yes 10 years yes 10 years that's a nice 10 year plan he could do that in like a week and a half that's a nice 10 year plan he could do that with one can of compressed air did you guys see can you go to Eddie's Twitter did you guys see White Sox Dave maybe the funny like yes the funniest screen grab ever yeah White Sox Dave, maybe the funniest screen grab ever. White Sox Dave played college baseball, so real athlete. But between his sophomore and junior years, here, I'll just wait. I don't want to spoil it.

I want people to see it and react. If you scroll down, I think Eddie quote tweeted it. Here it is. No, wait. Yeah, here it is. Between his freshman and sophomore year, he lost an inch and gained five pounds. It's never been done. It's never been done.

Of course it happened to him. Oh, fucking God. Oh, man. Oh, man. Only White Sox, Dave. oh man oh only white socks dave it's so i laughed so hard when i saw that picture i know everyone you know the first one was self-reported and they actually measured through a fit if he had just stayed in college for a few more years he would have ended up being like you know one inch. Benjamin, I would actually like, I think he might even go down.

He's shorter than that. I'm 5'7". I don't think he's taller than me. Where is he? We did the bracket with him a couple weeks ago. Oh, they're still filming. That video where he calls himself by the other guy's name. Oh, yeah. I could watch it on loop. Hey, I'm Dylan. You're Dylan, too? All eternity. And it just keeps getting better. video where he calls himself by the other guy's name oh yeah i could watch it on loop no you're not you never have been

you've literally never been he like wipes off his palm he's so excited to be dylan oh man should we wait should we prank nikki smokes before he pranks us yes yeah He like wipes off his palm He's so excited to be Dylan Oh man Should we Wait Should we prank Nicky Smokes Before he pranks us Yes Yeah

So that's what we gotta do Absolutely We gotta pre-prank him I think that would be pretty easy I think that would be very easy What should we do Call him in and lay him off Yeah

We could summon him anywhere Yeah we really could We could get him Oh What we really could we could get him what's the dolphin schedule I think I could get mince with just like the stick in the cardboard box with like a zebra cape underneath

what about what if we oh man I would love to like do like a bait car and be like Nikki can you go pick up my car and then the cops arrest them yeah I wonder if we'd set that up that'd be good with cops we should actually just start an entire video series of the act that's just punked but only yeah we just only do them at nikki smokes we just keep getting them over and over

we each get assigned a week like yeah we care a week to prank him oh what do you come up with what do you do i feel like you could do the same prank over and over yeah we could do get them on the exact same thing let's do the we could do free dolphins tickets and then be like you're arrested for not paying your child support and you'd be like wait what oh man you should file an h claim against him, Kate. As a prank. I'm thinking about it. But also maybe real. But also, yeah.

Portable and real. Let me preemptively do this on behalf of all the other women here. Just. All right. So tomorrow, Titus, no, Titus. I'm not here. And KB are out. So I think it's me, Kate, Che, Brandon, Rudy will be here, Donnie.

I'm going to ask Donnie to come in too. And then next week it's going to be I'll be out for Surviving Barstool, but little Sasquatch will be here. Let's go. Very excited. Snack Danny Conrad for tomorrow. Oh, Danny Conrad. Yes, that's a good call.

And then also the Friday after I'm back from surviving Barstool will be our monthly Fellow Friday. Yep. It's also our last? Yeah, last show here. Fellow Friday. Two weeks from today is Fellows Friday monthly. I just got an extension on the book stuff. Yes!

When? Next week. When? Okay, alright. I'm never doing this. That was way too easy. I'm going to have to do it on the plane. I feel like I'm back in class and I did my... You did it. You're pissed.

You want us all to see it. No, no. Turn them in today. What the fuck? Dude, I was going to have to do it no no what the fuck dude i was i was gonna have to do it today but the way it was i could do it today they're not gonna do it next that felt that felt great fucking credit to us spoiler alert next thursday we're gonna ask for no they're gonna ask for another extension oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah our books books are going to be so long. Mr. Hitchens, punish them. Give them attention, Mr. Hitchens. I do need a title.

Oh. Maybe a title and subtext. Quiggs is going to make the art for the cover. But maybe we could collaborate on what's on the back cover and how it looks, that sort of stuff. Well, I think what we said, it should be like, the title should be a book by, and then all of our names in huge font, and then the title should be really small underneath. Okay. And I told Quicks, like, maybe, like, the mythical

creatures in some sort of forest or something looking sexy. Yeah. A mythical sexual awakening? What was the one thing? Let's call it It Ends and Come. Yeah, something like that. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, It Ends and Come. It Ends and Come. You've got to have the word come in it. Maybe a mythical sexual awakening, semicolon, It Ends and Come. Does that sound good to everyone? Yeah. Who is going to buy this book? It's going to be like Girl Scout cookies.

I'm going to have to buy like 300 of them. How many do you have to buy to be on the bestseller. I'm just going to buy my own. Not a lot. Yeah. That's why I think we've got to figure out. I think you should do mass production of this thing. It does not take a lot.

Do we figure out? My goal would be to do 250 hard copy yeah that is exclusive and then we do we sell it for an ebook for everyone else who wants it yeah i think once we sell through the hard copies we then sell ebooks otherwise nobody would buy the hard copy i don't know it's gonna be a collector's item multiple coins no no we'll do 250 we'll sign every single one yeah yeah yeah that'll be easy why don't we all sit down and we just sign every book yeah let's call the book a new york times bestseller yes and we'll just have that sticker on it no that should just be the title yes yeah yeah a new york times bestseller

like are you a new york time best, right here Don't you see? If your times sued us Oh, no, I want Eddie That would be great, we would sell a lot more books Should we get Dave? Oh, we want Dave too What do we want Dave for? He's shorter than Kyle

Oh, yeah The chat also wants to know if you have a first touchdown tonight Oh, yeah. Let me just look at the board and see who's probably going to score, see who I know. Who's playing? Bears commanders. Give me Mooney.

Terry McLaurin. No, you just put him on every offensive player. So that's what you've been doing? Wait, what? Yeah. But I profit. Now, I'll pick four. You pick four first touchdowns.

Yeah. That's fine. What are you putting on? You put 100 on it? He told us his unit yesterday. 20? 20 to 50? We don't unit shame.

There's no unit shaming here. Let me look at the board. Oh, my God. Have we spun the wheel? No, let's spin the wheel. Good call. Who's writing the forward for the book? We need someone to introduce it.

We should try to see if... What's her name would do it? Sue Mercury. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Let's ask her if she can do it. would do it? Sue Mercury. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Let's ask her if she can do it. She just redid her office. It looks great.

We're Facebook friends now. You're Facebook friends with her? Yeah. Maybe I'll message her and see if she'll write it. It's going to be wet. No. There we go. There we go.

Hey, spin it again. Thank God. There we go. Hey, spin it again. Thank God. Eddie. Eddie. Eddie. Eddie, we got into talking about fin doms. Oh. Can you tell us everything you know about fin doms?

Well, there's a couple local ladies. Okay. If you want to have them in, I could connect you. Okay. You want to have the men? I could connect you. Okay. One of them has a gentleman in California who she caged him up. So she's got a cage on his cock. Oh, a chastity belt. Yes.

I had to go to a locksmith once for that. Really? No. Never know. No kink shaming. I like that, Eddie. Never known it. And she's got the key here in Chicago, though.

What? So that's like a far, like, you can't mail that key. No. Where is he? He's in California. Okay. And so she, and it's a fin dom? Yes.

So she just has all his bank accounts. Correct, yes. And does she spend all his money, or does she do it, like, slowly? It's kind of their arrangement, I believe, however it is. She could kind of, like, do it whenever she wants, but there's, like, pay periods are big, you know? That's from what she said. You know, payday's a big day. How's he pee?

There's a hole at the end. Sorry. From what I've heard. Okay, so there's a hole. From what you've heard. Yeah, and you's a hole. From what you've heard. Yeah, and you're really in there. What if you get in, like, a car accident? It's protected.

And the medics, you have to be like, quick note, I have a birdcage around my dick. Yeah. So a lot of them are, like, plastic, I think. Like, it's full. Oh. There are some cage ones. Yeah, like, if you get hard, doesn't it...

Nick? Oh, yeah, I don't know if you really can get hard doesn't it Nick oh yeah I don't know if you really can get hard oh they're really around there now Eddie other question TJ told us today that he's bought on an Amazon with wish list from a porn star have you ever done that an Amazon wish list for a porn star yeah but in the bio well like crayon set school supplies oh no what but I'm not opposed if yeah you needed something useful yeah tj what did you buy i haven't bought anything he's lying to us

you're smiling every time you say that you're smiling like with that smile it's okay tj this is a it's not illegal this is a judgment-free zone yeah you bought for i don't play i don't yeah i buy for teachers i I don't pay for porn. No, it's not paying for porn. I don't pay for school supplies for porn stars. It's supporting people. It's supporting porn stars, actresses. I support porn stars.

It's people helping people is what it is. Yeah. Why does he got a Black Party DJ mic? I don't know. It does look like a karaoke mic, yeah. All right, and then you had another Fyndom? Well, there was two, Goddess Avera and Goddess Jade. Okay.

They're both goddesses. They're both goddesses, yeah. Well, I tried to get one of them to come back for the 1,000th episode, and she was out of the industry. Oh. She's no longer a goddess? Well, how would you get out of that? She probably took all his money.

She's cashed out, yeah. And are these guys rich? She didn't make it appear that they were or not. Okay, so they're just it's just it's their kink yeah that's what they like to just have someone else control their money so yeah Titus any interest no just to talk to him you should make Brandon Um, no, I don't, I don't. Ah, yeah. You should make Brandon do this for like a month. I'm also realizing maybe the yak is my fin dom.

Yeah. Yeah, it is. Yeah, I might, I might have this kink. We're like a big Amazon wishlist. Yeah. Asking you for this. I might be in a fin dom relationship with the yak. Yeah. It's true.

Most of the doofy things we buy is you. Yeah, that's true. That's true. But the beer goggles I just brought up on the show the other day. Yeah, and I was like, done. I was like, yeah, I'll buy them. Remember when you bought like 45 restaurant buzzers? Yeah, that was awesome.

That was a great episode. That was a good day. We hit them around the office and just set them off. We just tortured them. People got pissed. It was to give them to people when they'd buzz when we want them to come into the yak. Yeah, and then it just became just hiding them everywhere and buzzing

them. It was to drive Frank the tank nuts while he was watching a game. That's what it became. That's good. Yeah, I guess I like buying just, I mean, you know, hand claw. That was, you know. Yeah, the bench. I just, yeah, I guess I like buying just, I mean, it's, you know, hand claw. That was, you know. Always had this in me. Yeah, the bench.

I bought that bench from Dominic's, the grocery store that went out of business in Chicago. It went into auction. We need somebody to put together everything you've bought for the show. Yeah. And a total tally. It's a lot of wasted shit. Yeah. But also, you know, the cash cube's going to pay for itself.

I don't know how, but it will. It will pay for itself. All that money in there. Ping pong ball lottery machine, originally for the the yak and then ended up being on the i just bought that because i just wanted no i bought it because there was um they claimed that the nhl ping pong machine was weighted balls and i was like oh i kind of want to get in on this and then i bought it from china for like 1500 bucks that was a good investment though see they pay for themselves we ended up

advertising with it. We've advertised a bunch on that. What's the most expensive thing? Is that probably the most expensive thing you bought? Yeah, that one was a lot. You know what you should do? This is a goof. Buy us all gold bars. Yeah. It's topical. You get four pounds right. That would be a funny prank.

We were all talking about it. That would be a funny prank. We got to get some on set to see what they feel like. Christmas time. You bought a lacrosse team, Dan. Yeah. Yeah. That's a goofy one. That one was, well, no, that one was, no, yeah,

I don't think I'll ever make money off that. And do you own a stake in a soccer team? A soccer team? New Zealand basketball team? New basketball, yeah, basketball teams. Why don't you do your version of Welcome to Wrexham? I did it before everyone else, then it became cool. I've had Swansea for like six years now.

But so small of a percent, and then every now and then people will just get pissed off. You should go over to games and like walk around like you're the owner. I think they'd be pissed at me. Yeah. Dude, I've like every now and then I'll get. Film a documentary of me. I'll start getting some tweets and be like, what the fuck is going on? And then I'll go to like the Swansea message board and they'll just be bashing me.

Liverpool has LeBron and we have this fat blogger. Yeah. They're not happy. Do you want to spin the wheel again, TJ? Wait. Wait. Mousetrap. Oh, it's on there.

Why is it still on there? It's always going to be on there. Why? Now that we know what it does for people. Brandon started Zoloft. You're good. You're good. Oh, is that for upper?

Is that an upper or down? You don't know the answer. Calms me down. Calms down. Equalizer. How about that? Do you feel down? I haven't. it takes a little bit

but he's going to be cured of everything I think just not coming on the yak would probably do it that would be stupid come on this has been a great yak everyone this is one of my funnest yak I feel smarter

I do too know more about caves Nikki smokes touching bellies Nikki smokes has said he's I enjoy this. I feel smarter. I do too. No more about caves. Caves. Nicky Smokes touching bellies. Nicky Smokes has said he's going to prank us. Really? Yeah. What did you talk about caves real quick?

There's a cheese cave. Oh. You know the cheese cave? No. There's people who go down caves and die. Get stuck. The Nutty Putty Cave? Yeah.

Nutty Putty Cave. The most fucked up thing. Yeah. My toes curl. But don't you think that's like a pussy cave to die in? They closed it off. I know, but it's called the Nutty Putty Cave. It sucks. Like Nutter Butter. Yeah.

It sounds like a ride at Disneyland. They combine Nutter Butter and Silly Putty to make something that kills people. And the Thai kids, I assume? No, we didn't talk about the Thai kids in the cave. Oh, yeah. Zod's mom is a gold miner. Oh, really? Yeah.

Retired. Well, no, she's retired and is now a gold miner. Yeah, she retired to become a gold miner. The Thai kids were when Elon just out of nowhere called a guy a pedophile. Yeah, that was the Thai kid. It was the guy that saved him. Yeah. Those fucking kids so bad. And that was also. You want to fuck them, that saved him. Yeah. Those fucking kids so bad.

And that was also. I just want to fuck them. That's why. No, that was Argentina. Wasn't there like a mine? Chilean. Oh, the Chilean miners. And that was when Ravel was like.

Sunglass. The Oakleys that they're wearing has incredible value. That was awesome. The Chilean miners. I stayed up all night watching that. Yeah. It was like the Oakley that they're wearing. Like great brand value for them. Yeah, it was like the Oakley that they're wearing, like great brand value for them.

Yeah, that was crazy. Okay, great yak, everyone. Please subscribe. Please subscribe. We're going to do a sub-a-thon at some point, and the sub-a-thon is going to involve money for listeners and people who are subbed, so you might as well subscribe now because people are going to get some free cash eventually for the sub-a-thon.

All right, see everyone tomorrow. See you tomorrow. It's the act. It's the act. It's the act. Yeah, it's time to talk shop. We're doing Yankee swap. It's the act. It's the act. I am not a pay pig. Bye.