The Yak - Nicky Smokes Reveals His Weekend Party Budget | The Yak 6-12-24

Episode Date: June 12, 2024

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Hey, Yak listeners. You can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Yo, DJ, pull that up. Hello. Wow. Wow. All-star crew today. Big three. This is what the people want.

Yes. Oh, my God. You asked and you received. Roback.com, R-H-O-B-A-D-K.com 20% off, code YAK. Swim trunks. You call them swim trunks? Board shorts. We did this already? Yeah, we did. Yeah, we did this. Bathing suits. What did we land on? Bathing suits.

Skivvies? I think wet bottoms is what we went with. Ooh, I like wet bottoms. Swimsuit. Polos. Shorts. All sorts of other stuff. Roback.com, code Y code yak what's up everybody hey the crew today it sure is i don't like this chair at all no i can't go i i don't like you're too skinny for that when i sit over there i don't have to pay attention to kate and i can just go right yep no escaping me now but now i gotta go right and left danny conrad is here hey hey thanks for

having me hi danny that's exciting excited to join this crew i met some guys you maybe went to high school with at a bar over the weekend oh boy and i don't remember much about it i was i was having the golden tea round of my life so i was a little locked in on that right um but the one thing i do remember is they just kept saying danny's they i swear to god they did this they were just like danny's a fucking legend, dude. He's got some stories. They just kept saying that over and over. And I was like, yeah.

And they're like, if you ever talk to him, it's just fun. They said something about a yellow house. Yeah. Growing up, my parents had a tall yellow house. Yeah. And the bottom was brown, kind of similar to a pencil. And the top was brick, kind of similar to a pencil eraser, so it got coined Pencil House. Okay.

I remember them saying that, and then they just said you're a wild one. And then I was like, noted. I'm gonna say I don't even know who these people are. Unless they were good stories. Then I know exactly who they are. They're the guys they pantsed you and you had the condom on. Right, right. Right.

I remember that. You can never be too safe, Kate. Are those the guys you went out with and you had the condom on. Right, right. Right. Yeah. Damn it. I remember that. You can never be too safe, Kate. Yeah. Are those the guys you went out with and you had two different pairs of shoes on? Oh, we can get to this, actually. I didn't even know if me filling in today was a lie or not because Nick Turani says so many lies on the show about me that none of you guys catch because they're not like mortal lies.

I like the relationship you and I have, Danny, which is that we never talk to each other. And every time I do talk to you, I walk away thinking, I like that guy. I should talk to him more. And then we never actually talk. So I think I can keep it that way. So every time Nick brings you up, I'll believe anything about you.

Right. That's the thing. No one really knows me, so they can't be like, oh, he wouldn't do that. He would totally go out with two different shoes on. He would totally fall down the same staircase twice in a row. It's like once these, they're little lies, but once they start adding up, it's like,

is this guy even a human? Like he's pure incompetence. I mean, you did cry at the sleepover. That's another one that's up there. That didn't happen. I actually have believed every single one of these I've ever heard. Most people have.

And like Nick does it to the point where I remember he was telling that I allegedly cried at the sleepover where he made Big Cat be like, oh, okay, never mind. It's serious. We won't talk about it anymore. There was a point there where we were talking like men's mental health, and Big Cat was like, yeah, I guess that happens. Yeah, right.

Can't joke around with that. And so they just let it live. So now to all your listeners, I'm a crybaby. I wear two different shoes, which says a lot about a person. Fall down the stairs twice. I hooked up up with ice spice before she was famous that one wasn't real that one wasn't real believe it or not that was the most believable one yeah here it is from my notes app i sent it to tj is gonna jerk off on an airplane is a threat well this that came up i believe so tech guy doug comes to me after i react and he's like, I got another one up here.

I'm not sure if it's true or not, but did you go out with two different shoes? The airplane one came from Che saying that there's no problem jerking off in an airplane or something like that. Well, he has jerked off on an airplane. Right. Mile high club, baby. Yeah. That's what I'm talking about. You in it?

Am I talking about a fellow member? You sure aren't. A fellow member. A fellow member. Exclusive club. Yeah. Most of them are also convicts. The stinky one's perfect because you could just say that about anybody and you'd believe

it. Like, that just, I don't know. There's no way, especially like the people watching the show, there's no way they'll ever be able to know one way or another. Right. It smells like shit right now. Some of the other ones, like you wear different shoes, like as people get to know you better, like through consuming your content,

they'll be like, that doesn't seem like something Danny would do. The stink one, no matter how good, bad, or otherwise you are at the job, if everybody's like, yeah, he kind of stinks. Yeah, no one's going to be like. He kind of smells bad. No one's going to be like, oh, why do they call him Stinky Man? They know. So, yeah, Rudy just came up to me one day and said, what's up, Stinky Man?

I said, what is this about? Wade, so now you have an opportunity, obviously, sneak one in about Nick. Yeah, it'll come to me. It'll come. I'm going to say it later so that, again, you won't know if I'm lying or not. I can't say it right now. He's not actually gluten-free. That's a trope he's working on a character on.

Yeah. He's method acting for an upcoming skit. Nick and KB not being here when the best West Virginia anything of all time passed away this morning is cruel timing as well. Wait, what happened? Jerry West died. Oh. Jerry West, West Virginia.

Che put on the sheet, is he the most famous West Virginian ever? And I think he has to be. Is he the greatest West Virginian of all time? What about the... Since the two West Virginia natives aren't on the show, I feel what better crew to discuss that than us. Yeah, they needed time to mourn. What about the two families that lived in the hills and fought over liquor?

Oh, yeah. They were pretty famous. Hatfields and McCoys? Yeah. Wasn't that West Virginia? They were pretty famous, yeah. I think it was West Virginia. What about the Country Roads guy?

John Denver. John Denver. Not from Denver. Not West Virginia either, right? Really? He's not from West Virginia. You can't make a song that passionately about a state you're not from. Yeah, Take Me Home.

That's Kizzy. I thought John Denver wasn't from West Virginia. I thought that was part of the... That's like finding out Santa's not real. Can we see famous people from West Virginia? One small sentence about it. New Mexico. Who even is this guy?

Is this even his real name? Duchendorf? Is his last name Duchendorf? Henry Duchendorf? Is John Denver? We're going to just call you John Denver. Duchendorf. Duchendorf.

Sounds like a Hogwarts character. Yeah. Isn't that an evil character in a cartoon? Duchendorf. Phineas and Ferb, maybe? How did he die? Was he a plane crash guy? He was a plane crash guy.

He was a plane crash guy. I don't know why people do that. That's so... Yeah, it's a weird thing to do. Strive. Some other notable West Virginia residents. Steve Harvey. Jennifer Garner.

Randy Moss. Nick Saban. Oh yeah, Randy Moss, Jason Williams, right? Jason Williams, Randy Moss Nick Saban Jason Williams Stonewall Jackson Was he good or bad? I don't know Great name Stonewall I wish I named my baby Stonewall

Unless he's a bad And Brad Paisley Brad Paisley is the greatest yeah yeah for sure i think we're sleeping on steve harvey yeah harvey um yeah it's got to be jerry west as far as most accomplished i don't know saban's up there though i'll be honest never heard of him but you've seen him yeah he's the logo he's the logo. The logo for what? NBA. Oh, is he? Yeah. Oh, okay. Then yes. Okay. He would be number one. Will they ever change that? Is that always just going to be Jerry West? It has to be now. He's dead. You can't change it now. Yeah, that'd be pretty

fucked up. That was smart of him to die, so now they can't change it. Maybe that's why he died. Maybe they were like we're thinking of changing the logo and he's like, watch this. You won't do it. That'd be bad taste. For my next act act i did see people making the uh we don't have to talk about jay west anymore but i did see people make the observation that he died right before the celtics won a championship which is interesting you couldn't bear to see the celtics win another title we have another situation on our hands maybe uh what's up everybody uh athletic wise pugs are back i heard 31 23 dub last night body was on the line look at those things are scraped up i was bleeding on the field can we see how does this happen of you and the little redhead kid the twin your twin oh yeah

are you just sliding into second base no this is all in the field. You're laying out for ground balls like that? Every ground ball. Every play he can. Every ground. I have no range. I'm playing shortstop. Zero range. So if there's a ball.

You're so dirty. Why is your jersey so dirty? So dirty, dude. I'm the dirt man. You're looking like Pigpen or Malasek. Yeah. Oh, my God. Me and Max rolled two last night, by the dirt. I'm the dirt man. You're looking like Pigpen or Malasek. Yeah. Oh, my God. Me and Max rolled two last night, by the way.

What is Max doing that he's also on the ground? He's playing second. We're getting after him. Didn't you guys argue when you lost last game that the other team was a bunch of try-hards? Yeah. Yeah. We did. I want to feel like that.

Yeah. The thing is, they were try-hards in the fact that they were all jacked and were just physically dominant. They were fit. They were healthy. Try-hard can be defined by being better than you guys. Exactly. If they're better than you, then they're try-hard.

Last night, we tried our asses off, but against all odds, won. We played a perfect game. How long are these games? Because I see a score at a softball game of 31 to 23 and i have to imagine that takes eight to nine hours to play it was uh games are clocked at an hour and a half so there is like a limit but the first four innings you can only score seven runs oh there's a there's a scoring cap there's a scoring cap for the first four and then five on you can score as much as you i mean 31 23 is absurd soft that the highest game that you guys ever played?

Yeah. They juicing the ball or what? We need some defense back in there. Bring back pitching to slow-pitch softball. Dude, the pitcher last night was a fucking – he was probably a good guy, but he couldn't throw a strike to save his life. He was one of those pitchers. You guys take a lot of pitches?

I couldn't take a – I go up there and hack. Yeah, if it's anywhere close to the zone, couldn't take it i go up there yeah if it's anywhere close to the zone you guys i go up there hacking but some dudes are walking for sure but i'm the type of player in softball where if there's a ball in my vicinity i am diving even if i have no chance i'm on i'm on the dirt and then i'm and then we hit so much that i'm constantly in this like i'm diving all over the field, I'm running, then I go up to bat and I'm leading off.

So I batted six times. I have Ebo in the three hole just moving me around. So I'm just constantly out of breath for six innings. Are you that way for every sport you would play? If you were to do an adult basketball league or adult bowling? Quidditch. Are you arguing with the ump? Or is it just because you have background playing baseball

that it makes you competitive on a baseball? It makes me, yeah, that's it. I want to be a dog out there. So you think if you're in like an adult basketball league, you would just chill more? Chill. Okay.

Take them plays off. But softball, man. It's the one thing I'm like happy about each week. It's my saving grace. Have you guys ever done adult rec league stuff? I was in a CYO league, but it stopped after that. Catholic Youth Organization. Oh, yeah.

It's like after grade school, you just meet up with alumni and you form a league and play other people. Were you a CCD kid or were you... Oh, Catholic all the way, baby. Catholic school. Yeah, CCD. What was CCD? What was, yeah.

You guys were stealing our pencils and shit. CCD every Sunday. I had to go after church for like an hour and a half. And what, it's like a youth group kind of vibe? No, then I went to youth group after that. So my whole Sunday was church, CCD, youth group. It's just public school kids getting taught Catholicism, correct? Getting their whole weekend ruined.

Right. So you can make the sacraments and then just go what does ccd mean catholic catholic catholic catholic catholic catholic catholic catholic all right i would say i did an indoor bocce league when i lived in queens and i loved it and that's where like i made all my friends outside of work and they're awesome and then i did an old gals rugby league for a while in philly and i am really like too old to get my ass old gals rugby league no but it was all old gals it was like a club rugby but it was like all women in their 30s when i was in my 20s and you'd think I would have the advantage being younger but like rugby ladies in their 30s like trucks like absolute

I mean if you're in your 30s as a woman and you want to with your free time play rugby you have to be kind of insane you're a fucking unit and you're insane and you're awesome but yeah like I got my shit rocked so many times that I was like oh maybe I'll just stick with bocce there's gotta be some angry big girls in that league

in the coolest way I was like, oh, maybe stick with bocce. There's got to be some angry big girls in that league. There sure is. Yeah. In the coolest way. Yeah, tough picking up a contact sport at the age of 30. Yeah. Out of nowhere. Credit to you. Now I'm done.

Now I just bocce maybe again. I found another bar on a walk yesterday that has indoor bocce. That's my speed now. I like bocce. Bocce would be fun. Eddie's starting a league. Did you guys see that? Who?

No. Eddie's a big bocce guy and he like put out a call for people to he's doing like a bocce barstool tournament we need bocce in this office but also

can you play bocce so like the competitive I've only ever seen competitive bocce in like the whatever the fuck the big rectangle the court

I guess it's called we play on the hard sand can't you just like play open open world bocce we play on the hard sand can't you just like play open open world bocce we play on the beach why don't we play open world bocce open world bocce

in the office and just like fucking like uh down by the production area just just set up a game yeah why not

any surfaces fair game the court the carpet about it by the way the dozen is uh the dozen tournament it says four we're doing roman numerals for this thing that sucks i hate yeah that's all the numerals i'll never know what super the dozen tournament iv uh they're setting up right now um tickets are on sale for the live final four right tj it's Final Four. Who's in the Final Four this year?

Yes, the Final Four teams. Have you seen the script yet? Yes, I believe it's Minahan, Honkers, and your team actually makes it. Yeah, yeah, I saw. That was massive news for Team Smokin', the graphic he put out today, the Dark Horse MVPs or something like that.

Che, you're on there too. But that's not as surprising. The Yak will make it to, you guys will make it to the Final Four. We haven't, I think we've done it once? Twice? Twice. So twice in three tournaments you made the Final Four?

Wow. Hey. Look at us, Che. We look good. How about that? Look at your cheekbones. Look at the highlight. You are going, Titus.

This is kind of a tough pick for Tommy. Did we see? His eyebrows. TJ, you had a theory about whatever filter they use on here, and I forget what it was, but some people it makes look better than others. It makes it look way worse. Insane.

The beard helps a lot. If you have a soft, boyish face like Tommy or me, it just makes you look like a soft boyish face like tommy or me it just makes you look like a woman you look like wax dummies yeah yeah he looks like a mannequin did you guys see tommy's tweet of the fake show he put on he put on a fake art show in new york city yesterday oh i saw i didn't get it i didn't get to watch it i saw that he tweeted it yeah people genuinely went to it and there's like a clip where it looks like marty mush and ria are like making out on say yeah and but there's like actually people there in the audience those people think this is a real like art show

oh no it's giving like big lebowski vibes when his neighbor puts on Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I think I would die of anxiety. I wouldn't be able to, like. But I can't wait to see whatever that is. Yeah. Tommy's a terror. That's a terrorism right there. Yeah. That's what he's doing.

Just made Marty and Rhea kiss in front of everyone on stage, probably. Interesting to see. Do you own a dozen teams? I'm not actually were you no never you never were i feel like are you a desirable free agent it feels like you should be i hit my line for music questions i'll say that but no i feel like at this age trivia is just designed to make you look dumb especially if i'm not i'm terrible at history i got kicked off after the first season.

Really? Too dumb, yeah. You've seen me do Sporkle, it's not. I look very dumb on this show, but if you hate me, go watch any of my dozen matches, and it is just, it's hell. Well, my Achilles is more. Yeah, to hate me more.

To watch me squirm. If you hate me. If you hate me. If you hate me, go watch this, and you'll hate me even more. Yeah. Go watch any of Gaz's Soldier's dozen matches, squirm if you hate me if you hate me go watch this and you'll hate me even more yeah go watch any of gaz's soldiers dozen matches and you will send me a death threat for sure you think he's bad now yeah as is the case with all trivia shows you're not really playing this it's not really you versus the question it's you versus the host brain and you're just like you you're really

playing against jeff more than it's like you can you can be good at trivia not be good at the dozen i think so i don't i don't i don't think i don't read too much into people who suck at the dozen or you could just be bad at both like if jeff asked me a college basketball question i don't know i i just guessed texas because that's like i i've studied his brain he He asks a lot of Texas questions, a lot of Cleveland Browns questions, shit like that. A lot of weird snack questions.

He's like a big, oh, I've got to try this. You pick up on patterns of the team that went first, if there was alliteration in the answer's name. If the answer was Cedric Sabalis, then maybe now it's your question, and you have to come up with a 90s basketball player. It's probably alliteration. It's more a mental game.

Yes, you just got to come up on that stuff. Anyway, a dozen tickets are still on sale for the Final Four here in Chicago. The reason I brought it up on the court right now, they're setting up the live shows that we're going to be doing here, and we can't show it. That looks awesome. I love scenarios where like all of us are just staring at what's going on there and then we're giving an instruction

don't show it or don't talk about it when is this going down by the way this is june 20th so are we supposed to not show the court for eight days it's monday through wednesday here june 20th the craziest thing of all is the people here building this set, all women with enormous breasts. Oh, man. Yeah. You guys are really missing out. Is she taking her top off? Yep.

Oh, my God. Sorry, chat. We wish we could show you. What's this? The dozen tickets? Dozen tickets. The Riviera. Time to crown the fourth champion of the barstools the dozen trivia league

yeah there you go is it much harder for you guys when it's live as opposed to over uh um no no it was i've only done the live show with the audience one time and what was hard about that jay we played you guys i think in new york yeah yes and we played you guys think of the first live one in la but that was much smaller no i wasn't there that one oh we used yes you're a lifeline for that one i was a lifeline for that one yeah um yeah but it's the the crowd does add an element of like they'll feed answers to certain teams and they'll. They'll like the funniest, the funniest live crowd dozen moment. Was that last year in the championship when Rico was like trying to answer?

He was on the phone a friend and the crowd was just making a ton of noise trying to distract Rico as he's on the phone. He's doing the phone a friend. That's awesome. I was there. There was a lot of Terry's in the crowd but then they fed him an answer for the win that's at least what Brandon Walker says Brandon Walker's theory is that team Minahan won because they were fed answers by the crowd um yeah so I I am a little more privy to that now we're not going to have a crowd here or or are we? I don't know, because I might get you guys, if you're not playing, to feed me answers. A little student section?

Yeah. I want to cheat. I want to figure out how to cheat. How do you cheat a live event? Get an intern, have him hold up a poster board. What would that chess guy do? The Morse code butt plug. Oh, yeah. Yes, I need a dozen butt plugs. A dozen butt plugs a dozen butt plug

buzz the answer buzz the answer in my ass but I can't like interpret what's going on I just feel like oh I could ask a question

I'm like whoa your knees buckle you're like oh the mook's like I tried to tell you it was Ronald Reagan dude why did you not I don't know dude

my asshole is tingling it felt like Donald Trump there was a guy who wants to be a millionaire who allegedly had a genius friend in the crowd, and he would say what he thought the answer was out loud, and if it was wrong, his buddy would cough. Oh. I think they lost the court case over that, too. So it was a guy, and his wife was in the crowd, and then their friend was also in the crowd, so they had multiple options.

And that was back when whoever was playing Wheel of Fortune to win like the speed round to get to the seat so they're all like trying to play and they were all in on this with each other and they came back on like a second day and he ended up going really really far but he had to like forfeit a bunch of the money did this is that like a documentary is that like a criminal thing do the police get involved do they arrest him And does he have to face a judge? Or is it just like, we're not giving you the money for. You are not a millionaire. Who wants to be a millionaire? Well, do they have, if they have you sign something saying you can't cheat before?

And I would imagine they do, right? Charles. Oh my God. He's got like a full. Oh damn. How is his Wikipedia page too long? Yeah. After millionaire. What else do we need to know about this guy books other than he went on who wants to be a millionaire what did he invent early life oh he was an army guy oh classic so he was like a celebrity outside of this

the story gets deeper if he cheated in cheated... He was taken a prisoner of war? Wait, what? The fuck? He got a dishonorable discharge? On September 9th, 2001, Ingram became a contestant. He was a billionaire. No way.

Well, you'll have to excuse me for not remembering this. It was a busy week. Ingram practiced for about 20 minutes. It was a busy week. Yeah. Ingram practice for about 20 minutes per day on a homemade fastest finger first machine. I love this. I love TJ, you do too. You love

cheating game show scandals, right? Yeah, this is a great rabbit hole for me. It's like controversial game show guy that got the perfect score on the showcase showdown at Price is Right. He guessed it down to the dollar. Yeah. That was just never solved.

That was just him being autistic and just studying prices. Yeah, but like, I don't know. Is that cheating? To guess a five-digit number completely correct. Is autism cheating? Obviously there's odds to that. It's one in 99,000, but like but like come on there's the guy uh the press your luck guy is the most famous one to me that was just he learned memorize yeah he memorized

the pattern that's not cheating at all that's just that's just good that's playing the game yeah yeah that's just fair game i do think if you like that guy that british soldier if he found a way to cheat the game he beat him he won and his best case scenario he was probably the first one to do it so they had to institute the rule no coffee no coffee no coughing no coughing in the crowd i know what game show would you guys want to go on i know i have an obsession with deal or no deal well yeah it's like is a million even moving the needle anymore is it still who wants to be a millionaire yeah with inflation now who wants to be a 1.2 millionaire after taxes um deal or no deal seems easy and so far as like what what do you you just say no deal

right yeah it's i think it's like i mean i feel like i could be good at that it's like battleship it's like yeah not even battleship because you you have no gauge of like how close you are to yeah so there's no i mean there is strategy to it but also i think we are probably all on the same page that if we were to do deal or no deal we would all go into the mindset of like i'm never making a deal right until the million is revealed no i'd probably cash out at like 10 grand this is awesome that show's still going on i don't know it was it was howie mandel right yeah they got dealer no deal island now oh shit same game but joe man gianello wheel of fortune guy just boston signed off forever. Yeah, Pat Sajak. Gives him more time to call NBA games. Oh, the NBA.

He's doing community theater in Hawaii. Who was I thinking of? I have no idea. Was it Pat Riley? I was thinking of like a 2K voice. I don't know. Pat Summerall calling. Pat Summit probably is who you're thinking of.

Pat Summit. Yeah, Pat Summit. Pat Summit. I would want to do Wipeout. That would be my game of choice Squid Games Squid Games Mr. Beast just built Wipeout

of course he did Mr. Beast built Wipeout what does that mean he made his own Wipeout course and Speed got through it and he cured a bunch of people of blindness and threw them out in the Wipeout field you have to get through Wipeout cured a bunch of people of blindness and threw him out in the wipeout field how did how did that guy like what was you have to get through wipeout and then he'll

cure your blindness what's mr beast start tj he's just like the first of a generation that was like raised wanting to be a youtuber so he like studied the youtube game from a very young age and just did as much as he could to go as viral on YouTube as possible. Yeah, did he? Like, his original videos was, like, saying Logan Paul 100,000 times into a camera on a livestream. And that was the video, and it would take, like, three days, but it would go viral,

and Logan Paul would tweet about it, and he'd get a bunch of subs. Like, we're over here trying to make 41 free throws in a row. We could have just been saying Logan Paul 1,000 times. He would do, like, very, very basic ideas that would, like, guarantee very basic ideas that would like

guarantee him to go viral and that's how he built up his initial following and then he just spent all of his money he ever made on videos on the next video

he also said that he didn't put out a video for over a year and just studied what like did well right

like he like gamed the game yeah he's a student student of the YouTube game like every video he made for like the first 10 years or however many years he's on youtube if he made ten thousand dollars off a video he would spend all of that money so he saw no money for years because he was just reinvesting all of his money yeah that's the thing they'll come out with videos like handing out five million dollars and he gets so many views like well yeah if i had five million

dollars to hand out i might do kind of well too. Yeah, true. Did anybody try to do what he did and fail? There are Mr. Beast-inspired YouTubers. I'm going to mention some of them. Did Mr. Beast have a rival, a concurrent rival, who was also trying to do what he was doing? Or was he... Probably one of us working here.

Yeah. Danny Jackal. Yeah. also trying to do what he was doing, or was he... Probably one of us working here. Danny Jackal. Yeah. She's not carrying anyone's blindness, though. No. Sorry I'm distracted by those hot chicks making out. Oh my god. Are they getting wet?

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Kate, you've been partying. I know. You've been out and about. I had two beers this weekend. Dumb question about the Jersey Shore. Is it the, when you say Jersey Shore, are you referencing the entirety of New Jersey that is on the shore of the Atlantic Ocean? Or is it like one specific, like one block of boardwalk that we're talking about or somewhere

in the middle? One block near the acme in cil city okay i i think of it as like south jersey yes south jersey shore is very different than north jersey shore okay uh and we're south jersey but when you said i'm going to jersey shore most people know what where that like where specifically that is if they know where you're from they can kind of guess what part of the Jersey Shore you're going to. So people would say Jersey Shore

in reference to the entire shore? Yes, I think so. Like the TV show was North Jersey. And they called it Jersey Shore. Because of the TV show, that leads me to believe that going to the Jersey Shore just means like the fucking... What was the club they went to?

Like that. What was it? Bamboo. Bamboo. Where was Ronnie kissing the? Jenks. What was it called? Jenks.

Jenks? Jenkinsons. Jenkinsons maybe, yeah. Our bars are a little different, slightly different vibe. Way different. There's two Jersey Shores. There's like the Jersey Shore that people that live in like north jersey and central jersey go to and then like kind of like below atlantic city is like the philly they're more north jersey's

shore is more clubs south jersey shore is more cover bands yeah and cocaine it's guido scumbags and philly scumbags yeah Yeah. That's pretty much what they kind of blend together. Yeah. But South Jersey is I don't know. Are there many places like it? I think it's kind of its own thing. Yeah. It's unique. I was thinking of clutch.

Oh clutch. Sam I was thinking of the note from Jersey Shore. Yeah. When you left crying at clutch Ron was holding hands and dancing with a female. Put his head between cocktail waitresses' breasts. That's right. Grinding with multiple fat women. Grinding with multiple fat women.

Ricochet. Grenades. Oh my God. What a note. Yeah, that was so good. So as a Midwesterner who's never been to Jersey Shore, does that show an accurate depiction? yeah very accurate really so you're just like a redhead fish out of water in the middle of a bunch of that so that's north north jersey is different we go south oh

okay two different worlds very philly people very like not as clubby you're not getting super dressed up to go out yeah you're going to the bar to hear a cover band play, you know. Wagon Wheel. Wagon Wheel. Wagon Wheel. Yeah, all that shit. Early 2000s. We might need a Philly version of the Jersey Shore TV show now.

Yeah. Just a bunch of rabid. A Wildwood senior week house where your high school history teacher shows up and smokes weed. Yeah, that's more the vibe. That's more the vibe, actually. Yeah, it's a big, like, you graduate high school history teacher shows up and smokes weed. Yeah, that's more the vibe. That's more the vibe, actually. Yeah, it's a big, like, you graduate high school, you get a summer house with, like, 20 dudes with three beds, and you drink Natty Ices for three months straight.

Okay. Yeah. That's, like, our version of going up to Lake Geneva here. Lake Geneva, okay. In Wisconsin. One of the hard things about living in the midwest for me and i grew up in the midwest um and i still never figured it out is which lakes you're supposed to go to there's so and it's it's it's like crippling me here in chicago because uh you look at a map

and you have access to like a trillion lakes in wisconsin and minnesota and illinois and obviously like michigan and uh i think you know, in three weekends say, you know what we should do? We should go to the lake. We should like have like a little lake trip. And then I think, what lake though? And then I never have an answer and then I don't go on the lake trip. There's so many and they're all great.

I stick to Lake Michigan. Twin Lakes up there in Wisconsin, that's a pretty popular one. I went to a bachelorette party in the middle of Indiana, like up above, like two hours north of Indianapolis on some lake. And it was like South Jersey Pine Barrens energy. Like you felt like you were in the deep south almost. And the bar had a bus that took you all home at the end of the night. But it was like, I felt like I was down in the middle of Alabama somewhereama somewhere yeah indiana will do that to you yeah there was picnic tables people were putting motors

on picnic tables floating around the lake coolers and beers and it was great it was a fun time indiana has been referred to as the south middle finger and i think yeah that's pretty apt yeah were you uh in the city or were you like in one of those suburbs depends on what crowd i'm around uh yeah i feel that so my basketball playing friends i was from the sticks to to the true rednecks when i'm around a bunch of rednecks they think i was a city boy so i was i was more suburbs but um very boring town yeah i grew up in but yeah i didn't realize until i got older that yeah indiana was is like very not very different but it's different from the rest of the midwest in that way like it does feel like it's got a lot of southern influence like i was i was raised going to baptist church and i didn't realize

i was older that like baptists are all in the south yeah yeah there's some in indiana that's it and uh yeah stuff like that a lot of people not everybody, but you'll get people that say y'all in Indiana. That feels a little weird. Gary really brings down your guy's average. Yeah. Yeah, what's the deal with Gary? I don't understand the lore. It's where Michael Jackson's from, right?

The lore? The lore of Gary? Yeah. I've heard, like, it's like an abandoned city, and then my buddy. Yeah, it's just a really fucking shitty city. Like Detroit vibes. Yeah, but I heard it was thriving at one point. It was like the new Mecca of the Midwest.

And then it just went to shit. Rust Belt, yeah. It's a city that used to make a bunch of cars, I think, along with Detroit. Yeah, all those Rust Belt cities. And then manufacturing left. I love that people say y'all in Indiana. I think we all should be able to say y'all. Not everybody does.

I don't want to speak for the entire state, but you'll find people that have lived in Indiana their whole life and they say y'all. But it's a contraction. It's more of a contraction, not slang. We should all say it. Yeah. It takes too much time saying you all.

It does. But, Mark, you should go to the playpen if you're looking for a lake spot that's lake michigan yeah and that's that's people just take their boats out there and tie it's like a sandbar yeah it's it's it's a huge party you'll see a bunch of girls that pop up on your instagram explore page they're all partying there what's the etiquette because you're on boats like hey that boat looks fun over there do you like drive by close enough that you hope they're like come on over and tie up with us or do you just like pull up next to them throw anchor and be like hey yeah you kind of shoot your shot catch the vibe uh it wouldn't be uh unlikely for a guy to swim over himself and say

what's up ladies okay oh can you imagine like anchoring your boat next to a boat full of girls, and they're like, get the fuck away from me? And they pull anchor, and they just leave. Yeah, the whole party can leave you. That's the risk you got to take. Yeah. So Chicago summer, I still haven't been on a boat. I'm starting to press a little bit.

Yeah, I think people can sense your desperation. I think that's the problem. I think you got to play it cool. They don't want to see my stink bomb move. There's a bunch of yachts in the playpen, move paddles up on a kayak. What's up, guys? Yeah, I'm still on a boat.

In a SpongeBob bathing suit. You got to let the boat come to you. That's true. Hank is supposedly getting a boat or getting access to a boat. I was going to say, Hank's an all-time boat guy. He got a certification

and he's doing some type of service where he can like take it out like X amount of times in the summer. He's making us call him Captain Hank now.

It's crazy. I don't know how he's going to have time to do all that with the golf rounds he's getting in. I know. And he's back in Boston

for the game. Is that tonight? Tonight, yeah, yeah. NBA Finals. It's in Dallas. The game's in Dallas. Oh, okay. Does he know that? Is he going to the game?

I don't know. Did he go to Boston? I thought he went to Boston. Does he know the game's in Dallas? He went to the wrong city? Someone's had to have done that in history, right? Come to the wrong stadium. That's always a fear of mine when i'm going

to the airport i like double check my ticket i'm like did am i going to the right fucking place yeah that surely happened someone's gone to the wrong wrong stadium for sure yeah oh with with your kids oh my god nobody's there booked a flight nothing yeah i've come close to having that happen with the cubs since i moved here that like i know the cubs are playing today and they're on the road and um yeah as i'm like getting ready to go to the game i check it like i got into a habit like when i was when i first moved here i was living up by wrigley close closer to wrigley so i got in a habit of like 30 minutes before first pitch i just buy a ticket on game time and then go over to the game yeah yeah and i got to that point one day where a ticket on game time and then go over to the game. Yeah. Yeah.

And I got to that point one day where they were on the road and I thought that they were at home and I was going to buy the ticket. And I was like, wait, what? I planned my whole day around walking. Now I got to fly to Houston? That was a close, yeah. What happened to me one night in New York, I was like trapped in the city because I lived in Jersey City like last summer. And one of the bridges to get out to Jersey was closed so like getting home at like 2 a.m after the bars was like a nightmare if you wanted to get an uber so I booked a hotel in Times Square it was like really cheap and I got to the hotel

at like 3 a.m and I booked it for the day like the day after that's the only time I've fucked up like that. Did they let you switch? No. No. Didn't let me switch, and then the next day, I was like, I have this hotel room.

They wouldn't refund it, so I just slept in a hotel, and it was like rat. Get your money's worth. Yeah. You're like, that's the Home Alone 2 plot line. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Should we get a, is White Sox Dave back? That's a good question. Might be Dave time. I don't want to one up him but I got a bad haircut yesterday. Oh let's see it. Take off the head phone.

I'm going to make it about me. At this angle it doesn't look bad. You're like oh that's fine. That's alright. I got the Lord Farquaad. You're like oh that's okay that's all right wait oh shit oh oh okay is this the most karen no it looks good kate you look i like it funky i feel like i'm calling management yeah is that is that a bob cut is that what they call it it's a bob it's a summer bob in my mind it always looks different than what it turns out to be.

But I can never stop from going. I got the tightest. I just got the mustache, and then we're all set. You guys do look the same. Yeah. Let's see. Oh, yeah. Oh, Mark.

Well, Johnny Depp vibes there for a second. Yeah, dude. Spot the difference. Well, Johnny Depp vibes there for a second. Yeah, dude. Spot the difference. My goodness. Holy shit. Yeah, we're pretty much the exact same person. This is beautiful. You guys look great.

Yeah. I feel like I really fit in now. I just needed to get that out of the way because. If I was a girl, I might get a caring haircut purposely. Same way a guy would get like a mohawk. A mullet? Intimidating. Well, I feel like I have to embrace now.

I'm turning gray and it's like so expensive. Have you seen how expensive it is for women to get their hair colored? Just do the slim shady. In the city? I know I should. It's like 400, 500 bucks here, which is crazy. Oh, fuck that. Every few months I was like, I can't keep up with that shit anymore.

So I'm going gray. I got the mom cut. I'm wearing my high socks. I'm pushing the stroller in the morning with my little hat. Hell yeah. Here he is. White Sox Dave. There's only one man who can one-up me now.

Dave. Dave is here. This is a little bit of a ragtag crew. Where is everybody? Yeah. Yakagami. Yep. Where's Dan?

Where's KB and Nick? Nick and KB are mourning Joe West's death. Fellow West Virginian. Yeah. Yep. Nick went home. And then Big Cat is on vacation. A rare, rare vacation.

He deserves it. I think what really happened is we're listening to the Yak audience. And we're finally giving them what they wanted. Yeah. They've been clamoring for Mook and Kate. Mook and Kate. And we said, you know, fuck it. We'll give them what they want.

Yeah. Mine we'll give in. And now you're here, Dave, to be Dave, basically, and explain how you're better at basketball than everybody in the office. I'm a little Daved out right now, though. Are we all? You and me both. you're better at basketball than everybody in the office i i'm a little daved out right now though for hours already do we have to keep going we can keep going if you want but i guess we don't have to so what was your thing you said you could beat anyone in the office one on one so the this is how it started so chief there's this little intra-office war between New York and Chicago

about who starting five could beat the other in basketball. I haven't taken part in that argument whatsoever, but Chief said that we could form two teams of five in Chicago that beats their best team of five. So we have ten guys better than their best five guys. I don't know if that's true or not, whatever, but I interjected and knowing i wasn't going to be anywhere near that list because i don't really play basketball when we play open

gym or anything here and i'm like i am confident that any point guard type player in this company i would completely shut down if i wanted to and um and why is that what's yeah what's that based because you're just because i've played basketball what's that you just said you don't play basketball. What's that? You just said you don't play basketball. Because I've seen everybody else play basketball. Okay. Yeah. But I wouldn't say you have a height advantage, to put it nicely. And I'd say you're just as quick as the guys you were challenging.

So then in your head, what was the advantage? No, my – well, I was just going to be as relentless as possible and just be a little gnat on jack you're saying they wouldn't score on you you're not in this scenario you're not playing one-on-one where you have to also score on them no i was just playing defense the scenario was they get 11 possessions dave is all-time defense dave himself set the over under at two and a half and took the under for his opponent so they just had to score at least three times on him oh well that's not as you're basically just saying that like a lot of the guys in this office can't score super easily that's exactly what i was saying yes i've never heard a pickup basketball player be like i can

i don't know if lockdown yeah i don't know how much you'd shut them down no but that's my point and we would in the instances when i have played they're like you're dog shit at basketball like yes i'm dog shit at basketball but i also do not play any defense when i played basketball growing up if i had a i would if someone got across half court and i would court and i would pick pocket them a little bit chances are i was chunking the layup i was i was bricking the lay like but that's i was stealing the ball like half the time like i would that was that was my role like hey go guard the point guard. We are a pest. Yeah, pest out there.

Yeah, that's what it was. So how'd you do? Yeah. It didn't go exactly like how I... Jack went three for four off the bat. Oh, you guys played? Yeah. Oh, shit.

What the hell's... I've been working, Dave. Doing the show. This is... How many people did you go up against so far? Just Jack. Oh, just Jack. Okay.

I've been on air like every second that I've been here. But why? He made this challenge. Because now it's just like, this is like you don't let children, I shouldn't say children, but like you don't. So it's too. Dave was too naive about this. Slash overconfident.

I mean, unbelievable. Is Jack known as a good basketball player here? He's a ball handler. You know what? Danny's starting to make sense why Dave walked in here and said, I'm kind of all Daved out. Now I see why. I should have known.

I should have had my Dave Dar on. You did that, and then you went directly to your home to check on Rat Trash. Yes. Correct? Yes. That's a lot of Dave shit. That's a lot of Dave shit. I imagine if you shut down Jack, every possession, you would not have been Daved out though when you came here. I would have had a lot more

Dave left in me. I think so, yeah. That would have started to make sense. It's crazy. Right around the fourth time he scored on me, I realized I'm kind of Dave Dowd. No, it's more, you know, getting tagged by Viva La Stool every five minutes now and the internet making fun of me.

That's where the Dave Dowd checks in. Okay. Yeah, I get mooked out every once in a while. I feel you, dude. Yeah. I hate myself. I hate myself more than anybody. I have to you, dude. Yeah. I hate myself. I hate myself more than anybody. I have to live with me.

I am me. So when you're daved out, what do you do to get undaved out? I just sit and stare a lot of times. A lot of blank. Like the abyss. Yeah. Yeah. I love how the only logical solution at this company for solving problems, basketball game.

Yeah. Let's go, motherfucker, right here. Who needs HR? Just one-on-one. Here's something that is bothering me about the internet right now. Uh-oh. Is everybody saying that, like, oh, gym class hero. Everybody, if you're not a little, if there's not a little gym class hero and everybody

that little competitiveness where it's like, all right, let's settle this on the court, you're a fucking loser. Am I wrong there? Get him, Dave. Am I wrong there? Titus, am I wrong? Does it stop at a certain age, Titus? It's more fun that way.

It's more fun that way. Is it not? I might agree with you. Yeah, I'll agree with you. I'll agree with you. Thank you. I had to think about it, but yeah. I mean, to Danny's point, it is funny that every confrontation

or every argument is like, let's play basketball. I don't know if that's... That's the beauty of this place. I think it was twice this week. And there's been plenty more in Barstool history. Although that is... If you have a dispute with your neighbor, your neighbor's building a fence and he built it a little bit on your property. Like, fuck it.

Fuck it. Check ball. Let's figure this out. Let's figure this out right now. Yeah. I do think I want to live in a world Where that's how we solve all problems In Texas they have mutual combat laws

Is that still a thing or has that been eliminated? There is no way that's still a thing We have duels in the street You have dual combat laws? You can't duel but If you say hey let's go outside and settle this Like fisticuffs? I thought you were talking about a gun fight No, obviously you can't shoot someone a game of knockout chief has talked about

this someone can clarify what that but it's like you if you get in a bar fight yeah two states that allows individuals to engage in a physical altercation in washington isn't that fucking sweet that's how it should be except just keep it to basketball you don't need wailing on someone's nose yeah fucking up someone's face. Oh, I wish there was like a record of all the ones that have taken place. Yeah, it should be like government documented if it's a law. Isn't that fair though? If two guys agree to it, who is the government to tell you no?

My body, my choice. Right, Kate? That's right. God damn it. It's exactly the same as that. Yes. You know what? I think I get it now yeah thank you guys yeah you uh you actually had you actually had a mutual combat with someone can you tell this story about the random stoolie this is this has been told many times um this is after a white socks game i think 2021 you know the guy right

i didn't put him up to it. Was it pre or post? It was BC. I think it was before COVID. Before COVID. So 2019. It was either 2019, 20, whatever. 2019.

I was completely loaded. There's a handful of bars at Sox Park that you frequent before and after the games. There's basically two that people go to. It's not like Wrigley. It's the opposite. And I was at one of them and obviously a lot of white socks fans know barstool and me and white socks whatever and one guy just said like i straight up do not like you i'm like can't do anything about that like but i don't i was so fucked up i don't remember how it got to this point but i'm like

all right this is what we're gonna do to. We're going to punch each other in the stomach as hard as we can and then take a shot after, and whoever drops first, they lose the argument. I dropped first, and I also puked. But now there's a mutual respect between us. So afterwards he was like, shook your hand, like, you know what? Yeah, exactly. Did he say he liked you after that?

I don't know that he likes me, but there's like a respect element. You hashed it out. Yeah. He knows the guy, exactly. Did he say he liked you after that? I don't know that he likes me, but there's like a respect element. You hashed it out. Yeah. Yeah. He knows the guy, though. I don't think I've seen him since then. He was just a random guy on my college floor, and he DM'd me one day. He's like, that was me.

I was like, no way. We're definitely going to need you for a future interview. Was it an obvious like Dave is going to take the L on this, or was there a chance that he stood strong? I don't know him that way. Honestly, I couldn't tell you if he was six, five or five,

six. I'd say a pretty evenly match. He might, he's probably a little taller than you, but chances are. Yeah. Yeah. I think you're,

you were both minus one 10. This might be super Philly area, but one of my older cousins had a bully at school and they were always going back and forth, back and forth. And I guess both moms got sick of hearing about it. And so my aunt and the other mom arranged for the girls to go fight. I love that.

The moms were cool with it. And they like, that's totally fair. Headgear gloves. No, sorry. The moms were fighting each other. No,

no, no. The moms were like, are you sticking on this? Me too. Okay. Let's meet at this like front yard here. And flagpole. Yeah. The moms were like, are you sticking with this? Me too. Okay, let's meet at this front yard here. The flagpole.

The moms were Pokemon trainers. Yeah. I guess, but in the end, it kind of fizzled. They got there and a couple swings, and then they fizzled out because I feel like it diffused it. Yeah. I don't know. They just both knock each other out of the scene. Violence all day.

Not always, but sometimes is the answer. Yeah. This was like, they're like 15 years older than than me so this is like a different time i guess yeah and parenting now they'd be going on facebook live yeah now taking wagers on little suzy she's gonna knock out yeah little mary yeah no for that kind of shit you you put the phones away yeah this is between me and you yeah it could have gone terribly wrong probably but uh fizzled out how how many times in a given week dave would you say you if you had it your way would get into a fight none zero yeah well why would i want to fight people well the john cusack did he come up to you no did you danny yeah i was there filming it you

often find him out where you're like I think I want to fight I I did not want to first of all John Cusack is a known black belt and would fucking turn me into pretzel oh yeah uh who's the who's the token like gangster in all the gangster movies Trejo Danny Trejo yeah yeah what is Danny Trejo had a quote about John Cusack that said like I've he and he's a token gangster because he went to prison and shit. He actually lived that life on top of acting it. But he's like, I looked into John Cusack's eyes and it's the first time I've ever felt fear because of another man.

What? Oh, wow. Did John Cusack just get super hot? Can we pull up a picture of John Cusack? He doesn't look like he'd be some fucking scrappy jujitsu expert, but he has some psycho in his eyes. Apparently. So wait, you confronted him though.

He could have just, I mean. Oh. Oh yeah, I could see it. There's something crazy there. He looked wild too that night. He was wearing a handkerchief over his mouth and had a leather jacket. Oh shit. He could have leather jacket. Oh, shit. He could have killed you.

Dave, let's think about this. I don't even know how you – like just his eyes? No. So he was with a super hot girl, and she wasn't in any – it was a White Sox playoff game, and she wasn't in like any ounce of baseball attire, jersey, or nothing. So naturally she caught my eye. I was like, where is she going?

And I look over. I'm like, is that John Cusack? And we had just got done talking about him because he's on White Sox Dave's ban list. He can't root for the White Sox because he roots for both teams. I was like, Dave, you've got to confront him. And it didn't go how we thought it would. Not at all.

How did you think it was going to go? So laugh it off. There's a – look at him. Oh, no. There's a clip of someone calling him out. We can watch it. I can't because I didn't move. I know you did.

You can't tell me where I can go. I can collect wherever I want. Who was the first baseman in 1983? Was it Ron Kittle? No. Mike Spires. Mike Spires. He was walking, by the way.

I'm younger than that. Who's your ignorance? That's not ignorance. I know Oscar Gang. Yes. I know all those guys. This is the most dude interaction I could ever. Fucking awesome.

It's all about being a fan is being miserable. You can't just go to the cup side when... I went to the bookmarks, but no. But that doesn being miserable. You can't just go to the Cubs side when... I went to the Cubs. But that doesn't count. You can't do that. That's against the rules. That's the best part of having a Chicago is that you got to do the report. We'll have to agree to disagree.

Agree to disagree, I guess. Look at his gloves that he has on. Stakes. Cinema. So prior to that, I had that ban list Which is now defunct Because the White Sox are They're banned

Anyways Some kid at Some stoolie at Wrigley Saw Cusack He's like hey you're on Dave's ban list And he put a camera Right in his face and everything

And John Cusack Played along with it He's like fuck you No I don't And he was having fun with it So when I walked up to him With the camera I was expecting him To like bust balls And John Cusack played along with it. He's like, fuck you. No, I don't. Like, go. And he was having fun with it. Yeah, yeah. So when I walked up to him with the camera, I was expecting him to, like, bust balls and fist bump, take a picture. Then he was just right off the bat combative.

So I'm like, John Cusack getting in my face right now. He's like an inch away from me. Did you know he was like karate guy at that point? No, at that point, I did not. I did not. So I would have tried to defend myself and it would have been very bad. Very bad. That finger point to the chest, man, that's a spit in the face.

Yeah. Pretty much. He stood on business. He was not having that. He was wrong about Mike Squires, by the way. He said, who's the first baseman in 83? He said Mike Squires. Mike Squires is the backup.

Oh, wow. Have you said this yet? Oh, yeah. We talked about this. We had Mike Squires on. He played in the most games because he came in as a defensive sub like every game. We're going to need round two.

But he was a first baseman in 1983, though. He was a first baseman, not the first baseman. No. Matters. I mean. He said who was the first baseman in 83? Paul Kanerka. No.

The answer was Tom Pachorek who was the sox announcer forever wimpy if you remember him yeah yeah i do um i like how the only way to prove your fandom is if you knew i do but here's if i would have like had a chance like i would have just had to ask him who the i mean this is one of the white socks we'll get as a playoff game go figure all i would have had to do has been like who was the starting fielder in 2018 when they were losing 130 fucking games a year you know he would have had no fucking has been like, who was the starting fielder in 2018 when they were losing 130 fucking games a year? He would have had no fucking clue because he was in Wrigley the whole time. Impromptu speed

doesn't match between John Cusack. Meet me on Zoom. Jeff D. Lowe comes in out of nowhere. Alright. Honestly, I gotta say, I think that's the way to do it, John Cusack. Just cheer for the winning team. You don't actually agree with that. Yeah, that'd be awesome. Then you'd never lose. Then you're just always cheering for the team that wins. That is the best team. You don't actually agree with that. Yeah, then you never lose.

Then you're just always cheering for the team that wins. We don't believe that. That is the best way. What do you do in the Crosstown Classic? Cheer for good baseball. You just wait until whoever wins. That's it. You cheer for the White Sox up until they give up the game-winning home run,

and then you switch. Yeah, cheer actively for whoever's winning, then switch mid-game. It's gross. It sickens me. You should start poking Titus' chest for saying that. Yeah, cheer actively for whoever's winning, then switch mid-game. It's gross. It sickens me. You should start poking Titus' chest for saying that. I truly don't ever understand the White Sox-Cubs thing. You're not from here, though.

But Cusack, when he was growing up, they never played each other. So who cares? They have for the last 30 years. Yeah, but when he was coming of age and he was impressionable, he was was like there's this baseball team from chicago that never plays this other baseball team from chicago why can't i just cheer for both of them it's you just don't do it okay it's just a rule you just don't do it that's what landed him on dave's list alongside obama now they now they play each other that makes a little more sense that you wouldn't be able to do that. Yeah, it's just lame.

You don't do it. It's like, do Jets and Giants fans, Clippers and Lakers fans? But they all play each other. That's what I'm saying. They play each other. I'm saying when John Cusack was growing up. Not every year that Jets and Giants play. They literally never played each other.

They're in the AFC, NFC. They literally never played each other one time, the White Sox. Not one time. But, I mean, you're still competing for bragging rights in the city and everything. But they weren't. They literally weren't. That's what I was saying. How old is John Cusack?

50? So the majority of his life they have. Over half of it. But maybe it was the Nicky Smokes thing. He was going to Cubs for the girls and White Sox for sports. That's different. He doesn't actually care about wins and losses. Yeah, he's 57.

When did interleague play start? I think 96. So he was 30 when they started. So in three years, the argument will be in my favor. Or five years. Assuming it was 96, and I'm right. I think it was 96. But in the end, you got two teams.

Pick one and root for him. Buster Buddy's balls when his team's shitty and be pumped for your team when it's good. Did you ever hear from him after that in any way? So, randomly, he follows, what's her name, on the New York office. Kelly Keegs. He follows, no. Rhea Moves. No, no, no.

Fran. Fran. No, she works, I don't even think she works here. Jordan Berry? He follows a woman in the New York office. I'm blanking on her name right now. And she? He follows a woman in the New York office. I'm blanking on her name right now. And she DM'd him asking him to come on the show.

And he went on like an anti-Trump, like, fuck Barstool, you're Trump supporters. But on a huge, unhinged rant. Okay. And at Portnoy, too. The old AB. Yeah. Yeah. He called Portnoy a Nazi, I'm pretty sure.

Oh. Yeah. Okay. John Cusa. And then he blocked all of us it's a damn shame too because hot tub time machine is one of my all-time favorite comedies oh it's so good it's so so funny it's so underrated

it's very slept on it's it's the dumbest movie of all time what am I another underrated one like that is a sex drive haven't seen it I love that movie yeah fucking funny. Go watch that. It's funny. Tonight.

Room Springer. Room Springer. So that's it. Are you guys daved out yet? Should I leave or should I stay? I can stay as long as you guys like. Oh, stay. Unless.

Should we get Nicky Smokes in the mix? You guys get Nicky Smokes out. Yeah, get Nicky Smokes in. Send out the smoke signal. Oh, my God. He's been having a time. They're scissoring. Is it time for my point already?

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Yeah. Dave has a severe rodent problem at his house, and he set a bunch of boxes out. Or not severe. No? You're making it seem like there's rats in my house no no no no on the outside of his house yeah on the outside of your fucking dogs your dogs gnawing at him but he didn't have the key to open the boxes they don't they don't give the key out a exterminator has to come and get them and the guy got fired yeah so

rats are just soaking in these boxes yeah jesus Jesus. You have them around your house, too, and you don't even know it. Well, they're not in boxes starving to death outside my house. No, they're dead. There's poison in them. Oh. They're traps. The boxes are traps. So you just have dead smell all over your house.

No, you can't smell. Thank fucking God. Yet. Yeah, yeah. So we're trying to get the boxes open, and Ryan, chief, is going to... I'm not going anywhere near these things. Oh, you guys didn't do it yet? No, so we don't have the key.

So Ed ordered a key off Amazon. It does not work. We went to Lowe's. They don't sell the key because you can't get this key. How many rats are we talking here? There's eight boxes around the perimeter of my property, and they hold like three or four apiece, so like 25, 30 is a solid number. Holy Jesus.

And so you got like 30 dead rats. There's a solid. Circling your house. This is also something that everybody has and you don't even realize it. Oh, I'm sure. Yeah. Like anybody in Chicago. Yes.

You are a rat. I like the rats in Chicago. They're respectful. They stay out of the way. Typically. They don't bother me. Other than when they fucked on my car. That why i did this so over winter i have a carport uh they burrowed sorry they burrowed into under my hood and chewed up all the wiring so i

wanted to start the car just wouldn't start and i yeah you rat infestation in there like you gotta get rid of these so i i had a guy reach out i need my car exterminated that actually happened to me too in california on i deployed i left my hyundai in a lot and the mice ate all the wires while i was gone yeah seeing a trend here happens in california happens in chicago probably happens in new york oh new york doesn't happen in florida what's the trend blue state red state nikki smokes there he is. Yeah. There he is. Welcome. Hey. How are you doing?

I'm doing great. I'm in a good mood today. Life's good. Dave, I don't know if you could say the same. I'm in a great mood. Are you? For those at home, for the basketball bet, Dave bet the same thing against Nicky Smokes, that he couldn't score on him three times in 11 possessions.

So I think that's why Nicky came in a little. Yeah, he's all chipper. I mean, you just came in the office acting like you were going to lock everyone up and Jack scored three points in four tries on you. I had no idea you guys actually played. That was stunning. Yeah, you. It was to me.

Well, it was a live stream, but it could have been a Snapchat. It could have been Quick Picks. Yeah. It was nine minutes. That's probably why I missed it. Yeah, it was over. You blinked. Yeah. It's all right right at least you got out there you tried give your you called smokes out by name didn't you or someone did and then you you addressed you it wasn't a broad like i could

beat anybody in this office it was like the kendrick lamar control verse like he was calling out different employees he said tate doesn't like classify as an athlete in any sense. And then he called me out. Well, Chief was like, smokes would destroy you. He was like, no shot. I've played with smokes. Me and you have played together one time, and I threw you a pass for a layup, and you threw it out of bounds. It was a breakaway layup. There was no one there.

I passed it back to you. I know. And I said, I don't take layups. Lost in this is all of the times I say, I am a horrifically bad basketball player. Right, but where did you have the idea that you could just lock up everyone in the office? We ran through this. Oh, you did? Okay, sorry.

All right, sorry. I didn't know that. And it's not anybody in the office. I said point guard types like Hinkle. You. I think Hinkle would give you the work, too. Yeah, he would. Hinkle would give you work.

For sure. Hinkle would. He's not like... That guy doesn't fuck around. No, I know he doesn't. Yeah. He can play ball. He can ball. No, he's a good athlete.

Any bald 25-year-old does not fuck around. Facts. He's only 25. 26, maybe. Yeah. There he is. Sniper cam. He plays no games.

That's Matt Henkel of Barstool Detroit and Graphics fame. Yes. What else is going on in the cave? Dude, the cave was buzzing today because Shane swore that he was the best, what is it, Jeopardy player in the office? Yeah. Did you guys talk about this yet or no? No. So we were pulling up like old Jeopardy games.

I don't know the host or whatever the fucking guy's name name is and we were just past sage right that's it yeah that guy so like the question the questions would pop up whatever and shane was claiming he was the best i'm the best he didn't get one fucking right and everyone else in the cave was getting him right buzzing and he just looked like a fucking idiot so you and change and have a jeopardy off it sounds like yeah well and shane or shane shane shane part of my take part of my take shane pmt shane so are you just revoking what you said to smokes i did already revoke that yeah we're not we're not wasting our time no no no no we're not we don't have to but okay like i i said that in real time even why is it why is the chicago new york thing bubbling up again?

Yeah, I don't even get where that's coming from. I'm kind of annoyed by it, but also I think I'm at the point where I never want it to go away. I want this to be, like, 30 years from now, people are still arguing over who would win. Like, what was that basketball game that happened behind closed doors? Yeah, the great game. It was the 92 game, right? Is that what you're talking about? I think so.

It was the Dream Team. Dream Team, yeah. I think it was Cle was the Dream Team. Yeah. I think it was Clemmer who tweeted, like, time and place. Like, we don't work at an office with a basketball court. Right. You know what I mean? Well, they keep saying that, oh, we're ducking them, we're ducking them.

Every time they've come here, I haven't had them once come up to me and be like, yo, let's play. I haven't had that happen once. So me, Tate, and Chief, we were on the rundown yesterday, we were talking about the kirk game and the shit that happened with rico and we said that team that they had we would fucking boat race them like our guys would boat race that team that they had out there and marty was like okay well what about our entire office like non-content people and i said okay that would make it a lot more competitive because they do have some dogs out there that could hoop but i still think we'd fucking wax them. Marty's nice. Marty's a good athlete.

Yeah, he could play. I knew Marty. I creeped on his college baseball stats and found out he ran a 6'8", and I'm like, that's a kid who's a good athlete, which is actually – that's like a 4'6", 4'7", 40. That's cruising a little bit. Why is Clemmer the one going to bat for them? Yeah.

Coach Clemmer, the real Coach K. Oh, he's – okay, so he's not playing because if he's, like, playing, Why is Clemmer the one going to bat for them? Coach Clemmer, the real Coach K. Oh, okay, so he's not playing? Because if he's playing, then I would destroy him. That's how we have to do it. Let's do it that way. Clemmer versus Clemmer. Clemmer, he can hardly walk.

If he was any less coordinated, he would just topple over. What's the's the height difference he's got a vertical advantage he's got me by like eight inches probably do you think six three do you think clemmer could get three points on you in 11 attempts shooting uh i mean he's so much taller than yeah maybe whoa no dave what you think clemmer could get three on you no he. I would be disgusted with myself if he did, but he does have that much of a height advantage that even Jack didn't. How tall is Clemmer? He's like 6'3", right? What?

Isn't Clemmer super tall? Is he? He's tall. If he's standing up straight, like 6'3". Yeah, maybe he is tall. He probably weighs like 130 pounds. That's true, too. And he can't.

You should be able to box him out easily. I would hope. I've only ever seen him in compact mode. Yeah, I don't know how tall he is when he – Would you play in the game, Titus? No. Okay. I wouldn't play in the game.

I feel like I need to work on it. I would play in it, but I've said this. This is where I last left it like a month or so ago. It was – I don't think Chicago needs me. Like I think you guys would be fine without me. And also, when you introduced me into the game, then New York felt some type of way about like,

Pat Bev has to play now. Why was he playing in that office, though? Huh? Why was he playing in that office? That's what I said. But then they're like, well, Roan's in that office. He does the show with Roan. He worked out of our office all last summer.

That's what I said. Yeah. He was a Chicago Bull. So anyway, I was like, you know what? Just to make it even, because Pat Bev and I are about pretty comparable. I was like, you guys play without Pat Bev. I think Chicago plays without me. It's fair.

Because otherwise. I think that's a fair compromise. I need White Sox Day versus Clemmer first to 11. I think that'd be. But I really do think you guys would smoke them without me. Yeah. I said that the other day, too. And it's no discredit to you.

Like, you're obviously a phenomenal basketball player. But we have so much depth here that we wouldn't necessarily need. Like, I don't think you would get us over the hump. I think you being on the team would help us win by an extra 15 points. I don't think it would be the difference maker in whether we won or lost against them. I think that's fair. Everyone smiled for Viva La Stool. I feel like knowing basketball is like a new form of self-defense around here.

Yeah. Yeah, it is. That was part of the harassment training. Was it? If you get groped, you have to meet with them on the basketball court the next day, and if they win, then it's allowed. Yeah, it's a game of knockout. Yeah.

21. Yeah. Yeah, I put up W wilt numbers out there then oh jesus christ oh lord yeah i think he's gonna be playing five people it's five on one you gotta do this shit for my job security i gotta i gotta grope for my job security oh boy smoke sons of playing seven games of basketball in a row i think i'd win seven okay seven straight all right are we officially calling out clemmer here yeah i'm not calling out clemmer okay so clemmer could win clemmer would beat you clemmer he dusts me make it a quote out Clemmer. Okay, so Clemmer could win. Clemmer would beat you? Clemmer, you'd dust me. Make it a quote card. Clemmer would dust me in basketball.

That'd be a bad look for the office. You'd have to represent us. Yeah. I would go to bat if called upon. We don't need you to go to bat. It's the wrong sport, Dave. We need you to play bat. We need you to hoop. That's the problem.

If you stepped into the batter's box, we'd be in trouble. I have a text from Clemmer saying that he would back you down on the post and he'd be 21-17. Oh, my God. I love how all these bats are like, I wouldn't smoke you, but you'd get 17 points on me still. I'd win in a close game. The shit talking is so much more entertaining than the game would actually be.

The game would be disgusting to watch. I was bored playing. It's so much more fun to just say what you would do. Yeah, definitely. I'd probably only get like six rebounds on me. I mean, if this five-on-five game does happen between us and New York, it's five unathletic, out-of-shape white dudes fucking hand-checking each other and playing half-ass defense.

How long do you think it would take for Clemmer to score 21 points and you to score 17? That might take two hours. I can shoot a little bit, though. With a guy in your face? Clemmer's like 6'6". I know. That's the thing. So I don't know. He's a fucking scarecrow, dude. I just want to little bit, though. With a guy in your face? Clemmer's like 6'6". I know. That's the thing.

So, I don't know. He's a fucking scarecrow, dude. I just want to see Clemmer. Clemmer might block you at least 10 times. He might. I just want to see Clemmer in athletic wear. Yeah. I think it would break his arm.

Can we send Mincy out there for this one? They already had their... We've already done that. Yeah. Basketball, though? We can't. We can't go back to that, Will was a great day yeah what's the longest you go without peeing at this level not super high elevation or shit at this level well while we're on topic yeah well there's one guy that came on that climbed

everest and he said it didn't be for like two days but something with like the elevation like really yeah but i piss every time i go on a plane I'm never a city city in beef like two days, but something with like the elevation like. Really? Yeah. But I piss every time I go on a plane. Hmm. Like the elevation. You're in the you're high in the air.

And it makes you feel like you have to pee. I think so. I mean, I piss every time I'm on a plane. Do you guys not pee every time you're on a plane? I actually try not to. Yeah, I try not to. You pull the old chair while you're in there. No, I don't rub one out. I'm not a sick fuck like Che.

He's rubbed one out on a plane? Yes. As a teenager. That's still old enough to get arrested. That's still old enough to know right from wrong, Steven. Che's an unaccompanied minor on a plane jerking off in the bathroom. Che, how old were you? 14, 15, something like that.

Or were you just closing your eyes, ripping one out? I mean, at that point, it's like a three-day frequency. It ain't no thing. Were you sitting on the toilet? That's like being in a janitor's closet. Did you just cum on your hands? No. What airline was this?

So I know to avoid it in the future. I have no idea, man. Can you look up your historical record? My flight history from 23 years ago? No, I can't, Dave. Yes. Yes. Interesting. Increased.

So I was right. The higher you are up, the more likely you are to piss. So why did the guy climbing Everest not have to piss? Yeah, right. That would go against what we said about Everest. I think it was something

like he was like climbing all day and like his body was like reusing. I don't know. He like, he climbed Everest like days before

and came on the show and told it. Yeah, how do those guys piss when you're up there? I think you just gotta piss yourself. Yeah. Keep hiking.

Yeah, cause couldn't you get frostbite and like, like what if you really had to shit and it's freezing cold and windy you get frostbite they said they do it in like the tents but i think i mean i guess you don't have to pee as much because your body's using that i wonder what's the highest elevation everyone's ever taken shit at like probably up to be up there, right? Yeah. If I ever climb Mount Everest, I will take a shit up there just to be that guy. Okay. Do you guys like shitting outside?

Can't say I've done it in probably 25 years, smokes. I don't prefer it. I've only done it on accident. Why would you like shitting outside? No, like anytime I go camping with my pops or like my brother and we have to shit outside, I just feel violated. What do you mean? Like you guys shit behind a tree. Yeah.

Well, there's like a, I've been camping with family and I shit outside. Yeah. I know what smokes is talking about. It's gross though. Right? Yeah.

It's fucking awful. I thought you meant like in your backyard at first. No, no, no, no, no, no.

It's an outdoor. Dave has so many rats. This one time in high school, I was like trying to get into dip and it was like skull pouches and i was like not accustomed to it yet and i got the dip shits while on it oh yeah it's very real and i made my friend pull over and i shit on a tree diarrhea in like an open park like an open field and uh yeah that was my lap that was the last time i shit outside yeah the problem with urgent ones is it's always going to be diarrhea yeah it was it was like a fucking tidal wave of shit

coming out of my ass what'd you wipe with i used the box sacrificed the boxers wiped with the boxers left the boxers went home showered okay that's that's the way to do it i was at a kenny this is like 2015 probably i was very much an adult living on my own and everything and i was at a kenny chesney concert with a buddy stayed at his place slept on his couch ordered late night food it's i don't want to call out the name of the pizza establishment but it's a pizza establishment that delivers until like 4 a.m or whatever it narrows it down for some reason instead of taking an uber home it was probably like i don't know two mile ride i got on a divvy halfway on onto the divvy i'm like if i don't ditch this divvy right here i'm just gonna shit all over everything so

i went and found an alley i had to it was that bad of an emergency it was in broad fucking daylight an alley shit is nasty yeah you're just peering through the people's windows it was if they're watching the probably shit on someone absolute only option i had other than just letting it go and down my legs and everything. What'd you wipe with? Fucking the boxers I had on, zipped up on, and raw dogged it the rest of the way home. Went and took a shower, like Luke said, and disposed of the evidence, and we're good to go. I'm trying to find the picture. What do you wipe with in the woods, smokes?

When's the last time you shit outside, Titus? Titus doesn't strike me as a big shit outside guy everybody has like titus's face during this whole discussion when i go camping you go you go camper mode you don't shit you just you tighten the ass put a cork in that thing no camper mode is actually shitting outside that's like what i'm locking it up dude you gotta tighten up tighten up you can't be you know how vulnerable you are if you're a shitter out in the wilderness. That's why we domestic. How many predators are around?

No, you're at your most vulnerable when you're taking a shit. So we domesticated wolves to guard when you were taking a shit from other predators. Is that like medieval times? That's a fact. I think much longer ago. That's why they had the dire wolves and garrisons That's why you have watchdogs There's a whole thing that

Who's that douchebag Astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson He did a whole thing on On human pooping And why it led to dogs It's being a dog I gotta take the pup to the vet

Wait scroll down is there just a picture of a big dump on Mount Everest with a little flag in it yeah apparently everybody's like just trashing that whole mountain nobody wants to carry that with you see you later he's walking like he's about to take a shit right now

bye Mark you're gonna miss these shit talks yeah i'm actually um i'm doing two weeks sober oh wow yeah well are we talking like real sober sober or mincey so full sober not mincey sober i just want to see if i have the mental strength to be able to go two weeks sober and i'm taking bets at the office in the summertime so you're and then your big re-release will be fourth of july is that correct well i didn't think that far it was kind of just one of those things where you wake up on sunday your big real and yeah you wake up sunday and it's one of those weekends where you're scared to check your bank account because you know you spent way too much money so i'm just like you know what we get paid this upcoming Friday I'm not

gonna check my bank account whatever it's at it's what it's at see if I could do two weeks over I didn't think that the Panthers could win the Stanley Cup though in the next two weeks so that might be my only problem dude day two you're gonna be itching your skin sweating not even day two like I don't care about drinking Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. It's like that Friday after work where that FOMO kicks in and it's like, what birds are out there? Like, who's trying to get slammed? That Friday after work where you get hammered with the interns and then go out. I did not get hammered with the fucking interns, bro.

I'm kidding. It's just they need a scapegoat. I'm the scapegoat. And I'm fine with that. I know my role. All right. Smokes will be sober the next two weeks. So all men in chicago you can take your girlfriends out of hiding now yes you're safe you guys think i could do it two weeks do you need a plan you have to

have activities ready okay so you want to hear the first one saturday i have run club i joined a run club oh saturday morning we're going full midlife crisis i'm running three miles saturday morning on north ave beach there you go that's fun lovely on the actual beach or on the trail the trail but it's gonna be like right on the water so hopefully my plan is is i do that meet a bird there she wants to come back with me slammer pass out wake up eight o'clock it's too late to go out because my boys are already out smoke weed and then just play the top spin tennis game i just got yesterday two o'clock is too late to go out we we doesn't count i don't think it should count oh shit you're right that no i don't

think i don't think we should count for this but i don't even smoke weed that's the thing i don't think we should count for this. That's not a problem. To me, that's mostly a loan activity. No, I want to do full sober. I want to be dialed in for this whole thing, so I won't burn. You got to have a plan for Friday night. You got to have something lined up because that's the thing. I'm planning on just tearing my ACL on the basketball court.

Smokes and I met at the incorrect time. Ten years ago, I was so just like you. Not even. It was 10 years ago i was so just like you not even it was five years ago it was the pandemic forcing me to not be allowed to go outside and like have fun it made me realize how awesome it is to just do nothing and stay in and i also think that's awesome though like it is not nothing pisses me mook you cannot talk you are out there every weekend just like me. I was sober the past two weekends. That's a fucking lie. I swear to God. No, it was not.

You were at Pop Punk last week. Do we have a lie detector, TJ? That was Friday. Okay, okay. I was sober last Saturday and then this entire weekend. Why are you doing it? I'm doing it because I'm piss broke. Okay.

Yeah, I'm doing it because I've been waking up like you and been like, I spent a round of drinks and now it's 50 bucks. It's insane. It's insane. You can't go grocery shopping for less than $100 anymore. It's fucking insane how expensive everything is. I've been looking at my life now financially as in how many rounds of drinks will this cost me. So I stayed in Saturday and justified $45 worth of Uber Eats because I was like, that's one.

Dude. That's five Jameson shots, four Jameson shots. It is the exact same thing I do. If you go to a Cubs game, you have to pick up the night shift at Denny's after. Dude. So much money for beers. So much money for beers. If you go to a baseball game and don't worry about money

and you're drinking without thinking, like, ah, maybe I shouldn't spend it. You're spending $300 at a baseball game. Easy. If you're taking a family, you're spending a fucking grand, I bet. I was talking to Malasek about this, and, you know, Malasek, so he's a little tight. One of the showers, yeah.

He goes out and spends $60. It's like sometimes a night out can cost you $200. Easily. Oh, that is, that's, if I go out. I leave the house and it's 200 minimum. I'm at almost 160 before I leave the house. After I call my guy and pick up fucking booze for the pregame, that's 160 right there.

If you add up Ubers and transportation and that late night food, you're spending 300 bucks easy on a Friday, Saturday night. And God forbid you try to spit game with a bad bitch, you have to buy her ugly friend shots too. That's 100 bucks right there. You might not even get her name after that. That's how I got drinks my whole 20s. You gotta be the ugly friend, ladies. Oh, no, no.

Oh, I didn't mean it like that. You set me up. Dante did this tweet once. It was like, oh, look at this girl talking to me or whatever. And I was like, she looks exactly like me look at this girl like talking to me or whatever and I was like she looks exactly like me well this girl can we see this no no it's old it's old it was he might I need to see this picture but I was like are those my legs at me standing there talking to Dante I want to say it's cheaper now that I never go out. It's like super rare. But when I do, I justify it like, oh, I haven't gone out, like really gone out in like six months.

So then I'm buying drinks for everybody at Pup Punk. I was just like, I'll take the 20 high noons. And I was just like throwing them into the car. And then I looked the next morning and I was like, it's the worst. You had like a credit built up, though. You haven't gone out in six months. I have like $3,000 to spend tonight. Yeah, but formula, $60 a thing.

Oh, yeah. I forgot about this. Kids are the money suckers. You got to do kid math. Right. We're doing single guy math. Are kids more expensive than single guys going out trying to get pussy? Yeah.

I actually. I don't think so. A hundred percent. It might be kind of even depending on how desperate you are. How much would you say a kid costs per week? Go per month. Smokes could raise an entire family right now. I'm paying more in daycare right now than I am on a mortgage.

That's absurd. I'm paying daycare in Chicago. You're lucky if $2,600 a month for one kid. You're lucky. That is fucking insane. Okay, so you have me smoked. I'd say my average is like $600 a weekend on the light end. So that's times four.

That's $2,400 a month. I'm saying I'm close to that. And you stay home? I've kind of switched. When I spend money, it's at a super fucking nice restaurant. I'm spending $500, $600 there. $600 worth of Uber Eats a weekend. I think it's cheaper to be a single guy going out than a guy with a girlfriend that has to go out.

It depends. If that relationship is long, if you're two years into a relationship, it's not going to be that. But if it's a fresh relationship, yeah, you everything you're pulling out the works you're going to steak houses you're going to the bathroom you take money out of your savings put it back in the checkings yeah get whatever you want honey i was out with like yeah get whatever you want i got it in low key you're like fuck i don't really got it like that but yeah i was out with the girl back you wash dishes and when i was like 24 20 have you guys ever seen half-baked which yeah and I was doing exactly I was adding up what was in my check like all right just spent three bucks on an ice cream

cone that's 96.99 and I got that thing to like a dollar 28 in my check it come like all right see you later nice to meet you like oh that's so it's so scary oh you gotta find a girl with low standard terrifying pat one of the first times, I'll say it, we hooked up. It's clear we've had sex at this point. You ho. But I stayed at the, we were at a hotel in New York. And the next morning, he got chocolate, like a chocolate croissant for me. And I was like, whoa, wow.

I was like, blown away. Breakfast at bed. Standards are so low. He got me one croissant. And I was like, this is a real man. I usually only get the plain croissant. Yeah, yeah. Chocolate croissant.

You gotta find a low standard. We're not too hard to. Even if they are low standard, I'm just like that asshole that just wants to like take you out to the nice restaurant or just buy your drinks the whole night. Absolutely. Me too. I'm living large. Beyond my means, probably. I'm terrified to download Rocket Money or whatever the fuck that app is to track your

finances. Honestly, smokes, I swear to God, do it. It absolutely fucking helps. I think they're a sponsor, aren't they? Yeah. Of some show at Barstool. It will change your life. I'm not kidding.

Really? Yes. Yeah. I'll do it after the show. It budgets. It does a very good job i totally endorse i'm gonna be sick to my stomach i had like what are these venmos for 160 earlier so i don't know beats me i had a weekend with a snowflake emoji

kate have you do you have any updates on your autopilot well i i basically did a free ad for them by accident oh they use it all the time now i know i get tagged on it 24 7 yeah and it's literally me being like no free ads but and they use it like constantly they use it as a sponsored post i know they switched from td ameritrade turned into charles schwab and i haven't figured out how to switch my shit over and so it's just sitting dead right now. Yeah. Yeah, I'm an idiot. I lost my passwords. So no, no updates.

Do you? I'm not doing a free ad for them. I'm pretty sure they're going to be advertising this. Oh, never mind. Then they're great. Not yet. Oh, but never mind. I don't think I's have been dotted or T's have been crossed yet.

I don't know how to play hard to get, obviously. Are you guys keeping up with Roaring Kitty at all? I don't know what that is, I don't think. I heard it's been disappointing. GameStop guy? It's the guy who bought all the GameStop stuff. Oh,, I don't think. I heard it's been disappointing. GameStop guy? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know Dave's locked in on all his stuff. Yeah, I have no idea what's going on. Isn't the government trying to shut this down?

Which is fucking bullshit. Yeah, apparently the algorithm is synced with his stream, so if he says he's gonna end stream, and then the price dips, they halt trading. So he was teasing it. He was on stream, he was like, alright, we're gonna end, and then he sat there for like an extra minute and they halted trading immediately oh that's super fucked up it's so fucked up yeah he's got that much we need to get Dante in here

right now to talk about all the oh I know all our power players are yeah are gaming the system but don't let us do it this is peons like us switch back again what's the most money you've ever spent in a weekend party i'll tell you right now i got smoked by a tinder girl in philly oh like cleaned out my how much how much so i it was like this is probably like four years ago i'm like working in accounting like i have have a decent amount of money at this point. Looking for a man in finance. Exactly. Okay.

Except I was 5'10 with blue eyes. 5'10. Red. Blue skin. Change that to six on Tinder. Yeah, I should have. But anyway, this girl was way out of my league, so I was like, I'm going to pull out all the stops. This girl should not.

We should not have matched. We should not be talking, whatever. You got our chocolate croissant. Friday night we go we go happy hour. We go sushi dinner. That was like 300 bucks. Go out to the bars until two in the morning. That's another 200 bucks.

Wake up Saturday. She goes back to her place comes back over. We do brunch. We day drink. We go to dinner. We go out again. And you're like oh my God this is my next girlfriend. I was like I'm in love. Oh drink. We go to dinner. We go out again. And you're like, oh, my God, this is my next girlfriend. I was like, I'm in love.

Oh, no. I'm in love. I'm swiping my card everywhere. I wouldn't spend that much on my wife. I'm 1,000 in Saturday night. Sunday we do brunch. And then she goes home, ghosts me. That's like a Vegas.

That's total bullshit on her. I think she had a ginger fetish and was like getting it out of her system. Wait, so you guys had a slumber party? We had a slumber party. Okay. Oh, what are you crying about? I'm not crying.

I'm just saying. You win. You win. I paid $1,200. She was out of your league. Way out of my league. Yeah. I want you to point out

whatever camera's looking at you and name her by name. Not last name, just first name. I'm sure it's something common like Sarah. No, don't do it. I win. Do it. It'll feel good. I didn't win. I got taken for like $1,200. But you got laid. You have

that over her for the rest of her life. You basically had sex with a really nice stripper. That's what you did at the end of the day yeah legal prostitute that's all dating is legalized prostitution but yeah i don't want to go down that rabbit hole but yes i did pay twelve hundred dollars to uh to come yeah yeah we've all been there worth it right i'd say that's about my weekend thousand twelve hundred oh geez average but it wasn't yeah it was i the one in 10,000 to 1,200. Oh, jeez. Average weekend, yeah. The one in particular was just the night at Declan's with the fellas. That was, I got, I don't know if you were there, but there was a,

I would get White Sox Dave tier in there where it'd just be like, everybody leaves the bar and I'm the one stuck paying the tab. Oh, that's worse. Like Ed and Ryan, like they'll take care of me and shit, but I'm not going to go around asking for 20 bucks from 20 people. Yeah. And they happen to me twice back to back in one weekend. That's what sucks about being the guy that puts their card down.

That person always gets fucked. It's like, yeah, we'll Venmo you. We'll Venmo you. Then they never do. And then you wake up the next morning. It's like, oh, well, he really only. You just got to eat it. Basically. Yeah.

Like, do I want to really text him about 20 bucks? But then you realize there's another six people you have to collect 20 bucks from and then they look at you like you're cheap oh yeah it's like bro i just ate a 300 fucking bill and none of you threw me money but then you just eat it on the chin yeah you just wear it i'll go bankrupt before i send a memo yeah exactly yeah yeah unless my most expensive actually was miami that bachelor party i paid like three grand not to come okay oh yeah just for the jeans alone yeah just three grand for a loaded gun the entire weekend i don't know if anybody got lucky because they all spent so much someone didn't get lucky they they earned they made their own luck if that

makes okay all right yeah i don't know if i should tell this story or not. Sounds like you should. Okay. Why not? We're in Miami, and let's just say there was like a fee to be exchanged, $600 so I could get a nut, and I could not get my dick up, and the next day I tried to like call in and be like, oh, this wasn't me.

She took my phone. She stole my phone. Blah, blah, blah. I want a refund on this stripper. You called a pimp and asked for a refund that mo was like nah fam like we know you sent this and i never got my money back of course wait wait wait go so you had to be absolutely fucked up yeah first place oh i was fucked up and like when my conscious i don't fuck with that shit but like i struck out at the club

and my boy was like yo yo, I got you. Don't worry. I'm like, we'll take care of this. We'll get this right. So whatever. Girls come up to the house. Whatever, whatever. Couldn't get it up.

Absolutely cooked. Wiener's just sitting there, little gummy worm dick. And couldn't get my money back. Did they just laugh and leave? Yeah. She's like, yeah, it's your fault. Time's up. I'm like, oh my God, this is terrible.

I love how you tried to complain. It was my fault. There was nothing I could do about it. Was it like a customer service line? Like hookers? HR for hookers? Yeah, HR for hookers or something. I don't know.

Or was it a guy in India? Yeah. Do the voice. Do the voice. No. Do the voice. I was close. He was about to.

Do the voice, No. Do the voice. I was close. He was about to. Do the voice, Smokes. Which one? We need an Indian guy here just to. Where's Maresh at? He's moving soon. I know. Is he? Yeah.

When? To Chicago? Yeah. Probably like two weeks, right? I think a couple weeks. It's like mid-June. Yeah. Very excited for that.

Yeah. Do we want to. My Indian buddy, Maresh. Spin the wheel? Oh, yeah. Let's spin the wheel on the wheel you nascar you think i'm gonna get in trouble for telling that story no okay it's listed under game time oh nascar is coming to chicago this summer two days full of racing

and non-stop entertainment for the july weekend nascar is racing through downtown chicago in the iconic grant park entertainment filled weekend with your favorite artists featuring keith urban the chain smokers the black keys and lauren elena the 2024 chicago street race will be the most talked about event of the summer nascar is back in chicago for the fourth of july weekend purchase barstool's $99 special ticket. For general admission on Sunday. I'm going. I can't wait. I had so much fun in Charlotte already.

A few weeks ago. And I'm excited for it. Are you guys going? You have to be right? Yep. We are. Yeah. Nothing is better than Kate out of the office.

Dude. I have been on a little bit of a heater. Makes me so happy. At Pub Punk. I spent like $500. Oh my god. you're the best. Yeah. I bet Kate had a wild side prior to being a mother.

I did. Like a party animal. That's kind of how I wound up being one. I'm in my 30s. So we're the same age. Got some gray. We'll say it. We're the same age.

But I bet pre-30, you got after it. How old's your oldest? He's three. Okay, yeah, pre-30. But post-d How old's your oldest? He's three. Okay, yeah, pre-30. But post-divorce Kate was... A menace. An absolute scoundrel. Your earliest Barstool days.

My earliest Barstool days, too. So it was like my first real paycheck that wasn't like... Before I lived in New York City, I was making $35,000 a year. I still went out. I don't know how. And then I started Barstool. Find a way. I still went out I don't know how and then I started Barstool I'd love to shag a 30 year old fresh out of a divorce

like that rebound sex has to be crazy been there done that and you don't we got a lot of issues we got a lot of baggage you better be a bellhop every issue that you think

is the worst issue is nowhere even close to the worst a lot of weird shit lurking under the surface no it was great it was great i did a lot of ghosting which is bad i think i had something going on but which was probably best case scenario for the dudes i'd rather get ghosted than have a girl tell me to meet up with her and she just tells me that this is over like just who's me oh good i'm glad to hear that no if you spend a thousand bucks or whatever mook did overnight at least be like hey sorry not india yeah oh no i just heard deafening silence yeah that's that's bullshit that was crazy how many times in a

scenario like that how many times do you follow up before you're like okay now i'm the weirdo i i might have followed up one too many times okay i might have followed up one too many times on that one you hit her email her xbox live chat fema request maybe she just wants me to show up to her house yeah maybe i'll just go to her apartment uh tj i sent you a picture. Speaking of Miami, I was just posting on Nadeshots' Snapchat story. Who is he, TJ? Big time gamer. CEO of 100 Thieves. CEO of 100 Thieves.

No, I got like multiple DMs about it. I love that. Oh, yeah. That's a great picture of you. That's 11. Is that a cranberry vodka? How crazy is that? That's a cranberry vodka.

Wait, is that a stripper pole? Yeah. So 11 is a nightclub and a strip club combined in one. I've heard of it, yeah. Oh, nice. And you can't even tell who's a stripper and who's just a hot girl there. Why don't more places do that? I don't know.

Taco Bell, KFC. This picture was taken at 6 a.m. I don't know that a place like that would do too well in Chicago. That's not really our vibe. I feel like a lot of... Am I right that there are dudes that are like... Because I not really our vibe. I feel like a lot of, am I right that there are dudes that are like, because I feel like it's like

how I feel about golfing. I'm a little nervous like to go by myself. Like, I don't really know the protocol. I don't, but I want to, but I'm a little nervous too. I feel like that's how some guys feel about going to strip club.

If you go to the strip club by yourself, you have a problem. Not by yourself, but like say it's like you and three dudes and none of you have ever been to a strip club. Don't you feel kind of like okay that's fun this is gonna be the first one that's always the thought i mean most guys uh when did we start

jerking off like yeah i just feel like but i feel like a place like that kind of eases you into the strip club world yeah no that place is great i think mook texted me that night he's like this place is amazing i don't know how you did it and i was like just imagine growing up there like going for five six years like in your backyard that's why i am the way i am that fucking place is i could i couldn't live there it's a good place to visit but miami is like it's for all the dogs i don't know not not a big i like the environment in chicago better than miami yeah you You know what I went to one night drunkenly on mushrooms was Rick's Cabaret. That's a Chicago strip club. That's VIPs, right?

I'm not sure. The one by Joe's on Weed? I think so. It's like right across the street. It's like in Lincoln Park, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've never – it was named something different. They don't do – it's not stripping though.

They have the tassel things, the nipple covers. Is Chicago not allowable? No, they're not. Yeah, it was named something different. They don't do, it's not stripping though. They had the tassel things, the nipple covers. Is Chicago not allowable? No, they're not. Yeah, it's not stripping. I was like super fucked up on mushrooms with this random group of girls. And they were like, we're going to the cabaret. And I was like, yes. When I was in Missouri, they had full nude strip clubs, but they couldn't serve out.

Like the law was they couldn't serve alcohol. That's what it was. So it was like 40 troops sitting around crushing red bulls watching like oh my god you're just drinking a pepsi watching it they're all byo b or v or whatever you want to bring but bring your own viagra bring your own vagina yeah bring your own vagina you bring your own stripper to the yeah hey guys just you know um i'm not a strip club guy i think girls have more fun at strip clubs than guys i think that's true even if they're not true yeah they they'll say they had a blast even if they didn't just because it's like risque to say so it doesn't seem fun yeah. If they vibe with the dancers, then yes.

If the dancers are like super fun, then yes, I could see it. Do we do the wheel? No. Let's do that wheel. Yeah, let's get out of here. I was going to say Danny has to come back if we're doing the wheel. I'm here, brother. Oh my god. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.

There's no way. Oh boy. So what does this mean? We don't have to get wet. But Titus on there. Yeah. So we're going to spin a wheel, Dave. It's going to be me. And the last person standing has to get soaking wet.

It's eliminate a wheel. I want to get my new. Like this. This deserves to be dry to the bone. And of course, it's going to end wet. All right. Yep. Where is Titus? He's at the vet. He had to take his dog to end wet. All right. Yep. Where is Titus?

He's at the vet. He had to take his dog to the vet. Oh, that's... Is that just random checkup? Yeah, I think so. He just had an appointment. Damn. Here we go.

Okay. This is not going to be fun. It's going to be me. I'm 100% positive it's going to be me. I don't think I would care if it wasn't... Oh, we don't... We're not... I was going to say, like don't think I would care if it wasn't Oh we don't we're not I was going to say like yeah roll it

I forgot my bathing suit Let's get Zod in the shower Danny you get wet in here like often What does that mean You like shower here a lot That's another Nick lie No Nick was actually showering here Was it two weeks ago he had a shoot

But yeah he was full shower. I guess he showers with a bathing suit just in case anyone ever opens it. He does have a pair of trunks lying around. Yeah, and there were like Hawaiian flowers on him too. It wasn't like a cool one. I really don't want to get wet. Okay. All right.

All right, here we go. The wheel that everyone wants. Please be me, please be me, please be me, here we go. The wheel that everyone wants. Please be me, please be me, please be me. There we go. No, stop. No. Stop. Thank you.

I would honestly rather have Mousetrap. I've never done that, and I don't think I ever want to do it. Wait, you go until there's only one left? Stop, stop, stop, stop. Yes. We go down to the final two, stop, stop, stop. Yes. We go down to the final two, and then it becomes best of five. Best of five. Seven.

So it's first of four is safe. Danny. It's 100% going to be me. You can use a shower. Could. You just shower, sneaky. Yeah. Oh, no. shower, Snicky. Yeah. Oh, no.

Oh, fuck. That's shy. I celebrated too soon. I got to do that. Good luck. We're going to have to helicopter lift you upstairs. Stop. Nope.

Nope. Nope. Oh, that's. Fuck you, Titus. Slippery wheel. Oh, my days. Shout-outs, Zog. Phew, thank God.

Okay. Zog gonna get in that shower, dog. TJ is always in the finals. Yep. There we go. Fuck. Oh, my days. I was rooting for go. Fuck. Oh, my days. I was rooting for you, TJ.

Oh, my days. Oh, this feels unfair. It does feel terrible. Okay. APM's suspenseful music track. Slaps. All right, one for TJ. 8pm suspenseful music track slaps alright one for TJ and that's what TJ wants

he wants to get you want to be the one now there you go Zaw tie game there you go Zaw we got a ball game that's my brother right there. Uh-oh.

Spin, wheels, spin. How's your guys' soccer show going? Two for TJ. It's good. The Cliffs have been great. 2-0? No, it's 2-1. 2-1. 2-2. Zah gave me a real slingshot to give to my son.

I cannot wait. Young Bart Simpson in the making. There you go, Zah. Right where you want to be, baby. 3-2. This would be bad if you choked it, though, Zah. Game 7. Can't choke this, Zah.

You guys don't do gauntlet. Oh, my days. Game seven. Oh, my days. Oh, my days. Here we go. Here we go. Oh, no.

Get in there. Oh, my days. Oh, that's so fucked up. Zaha, how you feeling? Annoying. Well, I just washed my hair yesterday, and it's dried, but I guess I'm wet again. I'm going to get so fucking wet. We should get a little shower cap.

How often do you wash your hair? Like, never, dude. Like, once. Oh, I thought you were asking me. I was asking both you guys. I was asking you, but I meant it more for Zah. Like once every month or two. If I don't go every day, I look like the most disgusting, foul, greasy.

I stop washing my hair because it just dries it out. I just put leave-in conditioner in. There you go. That's it. A little self-care. Yeah. I won't shampoo it every day. I'll at least condition it every day. Well, I think that's what killed my hair is I used to just shampoo

every single day. I have the same theory. Yeah. We're going to Turkey though, right? Dude, we're going to look great. I cannot wait. I can't wait to have my hair like that. Are you guys, are you really doing that? Yeah. We're like in talks with a few different companies. Yeah. Jesus. You're not a little bit nervous

You'll get a raging scalp infection I mean we're already bald People actually It's legit It's legit If something wrong were to happen It's not like you're going to Tijuana Once it's in there does it keep growing then?

So it's called FUE Follicle something extraction yeah they take hair from the back of your head and reinsert it to wherever you want them to reinsert it okay little plugs yep and like i only need this filled in like my corners how's your uh my shit like comes out like this i'm i'm good i'm like healthy everywhere else i'm not like balding you got the buzz light you're due hey i've been i've been doing all right even with the buzz cut i'll leave it at that i think it looks good we need to bring wigs back enough of

this trips to turkey yeah yeah we're tired of cosmetics yeah just be your let it happen i mean i'm not gonna say no to a free hair transplant. Yeah, me neither. Even if it's a couple grand, I don't give a fuck. Let me see what you got going on. It's bad. Yeah. It's bad. Well, yours is really the top. You can't tell.

Yeah, your hair is long. Yeah, it's super long. You're not even bald and your hair is just crazy. It's long because our douchebag co-host for our show has been in charge of scheduling me a haircut appointment for like 10 days, he hasn't done it how old are you dave well it's for content this one so i've been like we're going to the attrition after too ed's in charge of scheduling this for me because he wants to see how they cut my hair i'm like sure we can do it i need a haircut though schedule it ed he's like i'll let you know i'll let you know let me know because if not i'm scheduling it eddie's just purposely doing it so you turn into a Rapunzel.

He's going to wait another couple months. I think I got like a governor on my hair though. I think you'd look fine bald. Like have you shaved it all off? Terrified it won't come back if I want it. Rarely do you see a bald guy with long hair like yours. You always say you're balding, but your hair, it almost looks like you've got a toupee in front and you're just kind of balding it back. It is kind of amazing.

It's a GT look right there. It's very's very very very fine hair like texture it's like when a baby gets it's like really long yeah not that this will ever happen but if you saw a picture of my dad growing up he's got the thickest afro puff of all time yeah like a legitimate afro puff and he's still got a thick ass full head of hair and I just got shit jeans like that. If he would have got the Afro jean, that would have been unbelievable. I am telling you, it is an Afro puff. Like a mini Bob Ross walking around. It's not too dissimilar from Bob Ross.

My dad had Bob Ross hair. It's very similar to Bob Ross, yeah. Damn, I'm going to miss your bald yet hairy head once you go to Turkey. It's not going to happen. You're going to i my it's not gonna have a year like it takes like a year for it to yeah it's not like you you get to surgery and you have it takes a year to i hope it comes in a different color it's like happy a talking point good then i would just shave it oh i'm not you'd rather have no hair than have red hair? Yes, yes. Now it just keeps going back. He's like, fuck, I've got to maintain this the rest of my life.

You wouldn't take Mook's hair right now on your head? You'd rather be bald? I can't be a ginger guy. Sorry, Mook. Oh, you've got good hair. You do got good hair, though. Dave hates redheads. He has like a vendetta.

It's not that I hate them or that I have a vendetta against them. They kind of creep me out. He's right here, man. You know what it is for me? There's a distance between us. And earmuffs. You guys are genetic mutants. It's the eyelashes that really get me.

You always say earmuffs when I'm right next to you. It's the white lashes that throw me. The white lashes. Yeah, it is a little. I'm just kidding. You have great lashes. Very red skin do you walk around with an umbrella i'm joking with you moot call me a fat midget please

make this fair no no that's all fine um i am too i would holy shit wait get out here get out here let them see you oh you're already dry Oh no There's water Flying off from that I got some Water droplets I fucking love

My brother Dave you fat midget Thank you for coming on It's been a pleasure Danny thank you for coming on Thank you for having us Folks thank you for coming on Absolutely

We know the listeners Were begging for me Kate This is the dream team And Titus Yeah Afraid to open up my dms but 12 people listening right now yeah yeah if you're ever feeling if you're ever feeling bad about yourself go read the comments about me mook kate and everyone else here today yeah oh you think

yours have been bad today i got the bill murray or the not bill murray and uh uh naked or not naked gun um kingpin oh. Oh, the hair? Yeah, the hair. Yeah, I'll be giving that today. That doesn't feel good. Yeah, we're all going to cry on our Uber rides. Danny, you're the only one kind of well-liked around here. I think I'm just irrelevant.

I don't really get any comments about me either way. Okay. You're exceptionally average, Danny. Yeah, that's what I'm going for. Which is perfectly, that's above average in my eyes. Well, hey, tomorrow, maybe more self-esteem maybe not who do we got tomorrow I don't know but we'll be back either way yep for a Friday yak unless today's Wednesday tomorrow today is Wednesday okay it's Wednesday yeah bye guys It's the act. See you tomorrow. Bye.