The Yak - Party, The Rock Is In The White House Tonight | The Yak 9-8-21

Episode Date: September 9, 2021

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Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. All right, it's the Yak. Big Cat will be in shortly. He's finishing up Pick'Em with Rico and Dave. Roan texted us and said he will be here shortly as well. He's stuck on a train. So right now we're just rocking with the B team. We have five.

Yeah, that's right. Nobody on the floor that could score right now. Looking for leadership. Just going to dribble around. Yeah, I don't know. Some dribble tricks. They're suspended the first half of the game. We'll get it right at halftime. Alright. Cue it up.

Let's cue it up. We're on limited people right now. One, two, three. One, two, three. It is five. we're on limited limited people right now one two three alright oh fuck one two three it is five

there is oh there is five and it's a natural five we can't do it we can't do it no Family Feud is an acquired taste it's like the like Three Olives Loopy

you like it at first then you hate it and then you figure out a new mixer you figure out you can put Mountain Dew with it or Sunny Delight

and then you love it again but sunny delight if everybody starts hating it we're gonna lose it forever sunny d it's like a new girlfriend you have you bring her to all the parties and your friends yeah yeah we bring all of our girlfriends to all the parties we get invited to and uh then people start to get tired of her and you have to take a break from her so your friends don't loathe her in the future. That was my party move. I would, if people weren't giving me attention or talking to me, I would leave, go somewhere arbitrary

and then come back 20 minutes later and then it works. Everyone's like, oh, you're here. The building is collapsing. Yeah, it is. It's our own fault for building on top of a store called Shoegasm. It's a combination of shoe and orgasm. No wonder.

I mean, we were all shocked when it closed. Yep. We bought that space, though. We have the Shoegasm space now. They could have called it... No. What? They couldn't have.

They could have called it anything. Anything would be better than shoe gas. I did own a pair of shoes from Shoe Gas. You went into Shoe Gas? I bought a pair of shoes from Shoe Gas. My wife and I were going to dinner. It was on a fuck night. And she said, you know, I was wearing the Jordans.

Who buys shoes on a night out? On a fuck night. It was a fuck night. The last thing I want to do when I'm wearing brand new shoes, when I'm breaking them in in is take them off to fuck we were going to a steakhouse she wanted me

to wear better shoes do you immediately change and just carry around your old pair no I brought them up here left them here it was right downstairs so you brought her up here

or she waited outside the first time my wife ever the first time my wife ever came here the first day was the day a Dave sex tape dropped

the first Dave sex tape dropped. The first Dave sex tape. So she was walking around meeting people, and they were all watching Dave sex tape. She came in and watched Dave fuck. She watched? Well, she saw the sex tape. You see it out of the periphery. You can't avoid it. Honey, we're going to Smith & Walensky.

You're in your LeBrons. He's back. Che's back. Che's back. Che, how's the basement? Destroyed. We got it demoed yesterday. You demoed your basement? How's the rest of the house?

Yeah, what happens? I mean, it's still standing on like beams. The rest falls with it? No, they ripped out all the walls and stuff like that. But yeah, walls to the ceiling. What possessions of yours were destroyed? Ping pong table. Oh.

Papa shot. I'm sorry, brother. Wait, was it a finished basement? Technically, yes. We didn't have a carpet and stuff like that. That sounds like it was your space. We had some really cool stuff. The papa shot was in the den.

Are your kiddos old enough to understand the gravity of the situation? No. Where they weren't impacted? They don't miss the basement? No. I mean, I showed my son the water, and he looked at it. There were some questions about whether you were bragging about living in a flood zone a couple of months back. Yes, there is.

It wasn't that long ago. It was when Frank ate 49 1⁄2. Yep. Is that my voice? Oh. Oh, Jesus. Kind of. I mean, it's a finished basement.

It is a little bit musty, though. What body of water are you near? The Rahway River. How often does the Rahway River flood? It did have a very bad flood in Irene. They make that river name to make it sound like you're three saying it? The Rahway River. You want to send that over?

Yeah. That just doesn't work. I could hear. It was a good attempt. Roan's here. Security give you any trouble? I can't say. He wants to wrestle me. Does he? You dapped him up bigger than I've ever seen you dap anybody else up. Yeah. Rone's here. Security give you any trouble? I can't say. He wants to wrestle me.

Does he? You dapped him up bigger than I've ever seen you dap anybody else up. Yeah. He is. Yeah. And we did tan fight a little bit. He's strong. Is he too well-dressed?

Why is he so well-dressed today? He's trying his farm hands. Yesterday, Liam told me that he has a gun. I hope so. Where's he keeping it? Now I've confirmed that he doesn't have a gun because he has his shirt tucked in today. It could be. It's probably behind the desk. What if it's the sock one? Could be an ankle unit. I hope so. Where's he keeping it? He doesn't have a gun because he has his shirt tucked in today. What if it's the sock one? It could be an ankle unit.

Ankle unit. Do you have a gun, sir? Hey. Hey. Hey. Do you have a gun? Do you have a gun? Do you have a gun?

Do you have a gun? No, I'm not going to out on him, but wait. He pointed to his penis. He has a gun. He's pointing squarely to his penis. Why is he dressed up so nice? It's like a college football coach on a recruiting trip right now. He's giving a recruiting trip right now.

That's still informal attire for most places of work. I guess it is. Yeah, I guess it is. Yeah, he's probably excited he gets to dress down. And he sees Lil Sass in his PJs. Okay, but if he doesn't have a gun how's he gonna properly run security here he should at least we should at least give him one of the 800 tasers that's lying around the office no i want him to have a gun i can bring him a gun actually can i bring

him a gun no you can't bring a gun into new york yeah that's true he can meet me in jersey yeah you think he knows kung Fu or some shit? Yes. I can tell. How can you tell? What are his dead giveaways? He's just a very respectful man, but he's hiding a lot. He's in control.

Yeah. He's very in control. No, but seriously, if he doesn't have a gun, he doesn't have a taser, he has no sort of weapon, what is the plan? I think he's a shield. Kindness. Like, yeah. Yeah, that's what it is. He's a hostage negotiator. He's going to talk down the shooter. Yeah think he's a shield. Kindness. Like, yeah. Yeah, that's what he's going to do. He's a hostage negotiator.

He's going to talk down the shooter. Yeah, he just talks people down. We're busting some time while we all run. We are just going on about our lives without really thinking that they just immediately added security. They just, like, dropped security in our lap. Something happened. Should we say why? Should we say what it was?

I think we all know why. We just can't disclose that. Should we say it, though? I kind of want to still say it. I don? I think we all know why. We just can't disclose that. Should we say it, though? I kind of want to still say it. I don't think we actually know, though. We just know. We do. We're going to give him a vague thing.

No. Yeah, but we were told that it's nothing. We were told what T-shirt he was wearing. Yeah, but we were told not to worry, but then we have roaming security like a sneak level of a video game, ducking around corners. He is a henchman. He is a henchman. He's pacing.

We hired a henchman. Look at him henchman. We hired a henchman. Look at him pace. Like he's waiting for his daughter to get home. Something's going down. I also think it's just like daring people to try.

He's the top booster for Bergen Catholic's football team. But nothing. His daughter's taking the tight end to prom and he's waiting for her to get home.

And the tight end fucks. Tight ends fuck. Tight ends fuck. Because their ass muscles are so big. They have well-developed ass muscles, but the quickness of a receiver. They're big, but they're athletic. Tight ends are marriage guys.

Yeah. They like to lock down. Blocking tight ends don't fuck. Yeah. Pass catching tight ends? Receiving tight ends are not the ones you marry You marry the blocking tight ends Blocking tight ends

Get married at 23 You fuck the pass catcher You marry the blocker And that goes for anything Anything yeah And then slot receivers are bi Slot receivers eat the best pussy By far

And they eat it from the back Yes Any direction really They're just eating pussy And I think that's it What position doesn't cheat I could see a center cheating I don't that's it. What position doesn't cheat? I could see a center cheating. I don't think offensive linemen.

Guards don't cheat. Guards cheat. Britton Covey doesn't cheat. Who's Britton Covey? Seventh year receiver, kick returner from Utah. Stephen Shea, would you give the Boy Award to somebody who cheated? No, because if you get a penalty on the play, then you're not eligible. No, no, no, no.

We're talking about cheating on his spouse. We don't think offensive linemen cheat. Yeah, I mean, it's on the field only. Punters cheat. Yes. Would you give the Boy Award to someone who murdered? Of course. It's the most boy thing you can do.

I mean, America, you know. It's an acronym, boys. Innocent until proven guilty. If they're convicted of murder, then they wouldn't be on the field. All right, well, let's say the block happened, and then a week later he murdered somebody. But the block is a hell of a block. You're taking that guy out?

No, I'd leave it up to the fans to vote, but if you want, he won fair and square. It's an on-the-field award. Was Pondisco pissed about the helmets yesterday? Pondisco was upset. Do you not see the fucking post-it notes she left for you guys? Those certainly

aren't passive-aggressive, are they? They're very passive-aggressive. Hey, Ron, why don't you hand me one of those notes and be sure not to shake the shell? Do not break. Wait, Rowan, Rowan, Rowan, Rowan. I'm trying to grab it. We did break some yesterday, and people have sent this in. What did we break?

Well, Minnesota, like an old ceramic Minnesota thing. Well, who threw something ceramic? He did. I didn't throw anything. You shook it, and it fell off. Rowan loves throwing clay. I do. Any ceramic, any pottery. Anything didn't throw anything. You shook it and it fell off. Roan loves throwing clay. Any ceramic, any pottery. Anything that could shatter.

I love to live on the edge of a shatter. Just what I'm watching right now. So it seems like the people coming to deliver the food, he checks to make sure that they're actually delivering it to the office. He's vetting the food, but I kind of want him to taste it. A little lick. Yeah, just a lick. But what happens if he reaches into his Chick-fil-A bag, pulls out some sort of weapon, and just clocks the security guard over the head? We're giving people the handbook.

We're fucked. We're giving them the handbook. That would be like a Guy Ritchie. Because it would be easy to sneak in, just bring a bag of food, and just be like, I'm here for Brandon. Yeah, bet you are. Yeah. Come on in. Brandon orders a lot of food, And knowing our dumb ass, we'd invite them into this room.

Hoping to get a crazy story out of a FedEx driver. Little do we know. It turns into a whom done it. Yeah. His days are over. Do we know who that Russian man was? No, still don't. No, we did.

We found out. Did we find out yeah I thought he was on some hitman shit he was on some hitman shit I think he was Bosnian okay

and he was no he was Herzegovina fuck out of here he was a Herzegovine yeah landmines everywhere over there most per capita

still yeah remember behind enemy lines I do yeah Owen Wilson that's what that was about

yeah Bosnian War remember the guy that stepped on it and he couldn't move yeah I think he ended up dying he just blew up that was implied usually those don't end well

I don't think it was implied I think he blew up yeah it was implied that he died afterwards they didn't show his corpse he just had to live there I don't think there was a corpse

what are some war movies that really haunted you motherfuckers what was the one where the guys the one with the napalm was it Platoon no that's Apocalypse Now There was a corpse. Or lack thereof. Yeah. What are some war movies that really haunted you motherfuckers? What was the one that... The one with the napalm. Was it Platoon? No, that's Apocalypse Now, right? Full Metal Jacket?

All right. No, the... That's Apocalypse Now. The slow knife scene on Saving Private Ryan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fucked me. Oh, yeah. Wait, and the guy was like a pussy and he wouldn't go in and like help a boy?

But then he started winning and then... Yeah, and he just... Was that the guy... I think I figured it out later when i wasn't even watching the movie was the guy that did the slow knife was he's he the guy they let go in the field early in the movie i think so yeah dang and vin diesel dies in that movie what's early too yeah death early vin death what's the war movie where like is it hurt lock red dawn or something like that where they look out where they go outside and all of a sudden there's like a thousand like North Korean

soldiers parachuting down. That was a remake. Yeah. The original is Russian. First one. Is it Russian? The movie's not Russian but the original

it's Russia. Is it? Yeah. But this one is North Korea correct? Yeah. This one's North Korea. I don't know if it's Russian though.

Is Josh Peck in that? Patrick Swayze was in the first one. Yeah. Is Josh Peck from Drake and Josh? Yeah that's Peck. Has Vin Diesel ever died in any other movies? Certainly didn't in Triple X or Fast and Furious. Any of them.

He's not legally allowed to die in them. Yeah, he's not. Don't they have like... Groot still lives. They have like clauses of their contracts of like who has to win the fights between Vin Diesel and Rock. Like how many punches can be landed. There has to be like some egotistical actors

who refuse to die or even get sick or even show vulnerability. Steven Seagal. Yeah, Vin can only have so many flaws in a movie. It's his Vin number. He can only be embarrassed once per movie. Contractually. And then he kills the person who embarrassed him later embarrassed once per movie. Contractually. And then he kills the person who embarrassed him later on in the movie.

How do they make Vin and The Rock look the same size? Yeah, Vin Diesel's not that big. Not even close. I love Hollywood for that reason. I wonder how I would look on the silver screen. Your apartment has the same floors that they used in The Hobbit, where you're like eight feet tall at one side of the dinner table. The thing that's weird is like The Rock like when every time he

like what's the new movie he just came out with? Jungle Cruise. Jungle Cruise. He was like posting on his Instagram talking about training for it for like years.

Training for Jungle Cruise? Yeah. That's a movie based off a kid's ride. Yeah and it's like if he didn't train for like maybe like if he trained like

half of the time that he trained if he trained half the time that he trained Right. Nothing would have changed. He would still have looked jacked as fuck. He never does train.

When does he not train? Yeah, he has to retain that regimen. You think he has dysmorphia? I think he might. I have five units on The Rock starring in a Candyland adaptation within the next four years. You put a future on that a while ago. I did. Multiple units.

The adaptation of the children's board game. He plays Gloppy. The pudding. That's just absolutely going to happen. Yeah. He's the highest paid person in Hollywood. He's also the most famous person in the world. Yeah.

You think he'd get fat for a role though? No. No. I think he probably trains so much because when you do that much steroids even if he's not on steroids currently you like get really out of shape really quick if you don't like keep up with it you think he's more jacked than he was when he was a wrestler oh he's definitely 100 how how long is he going to be jacked is he going to be jacked into his 70s yeah because he's 50 now he's got to be 45 or 50 now he's more 45. He's got to be, let's see, he was 24 in 98.

No, he was 27 in 98. So 71. So he's 50. I mean, I would like to know how hard it is to maintain. Birthday's in May. How do you maintain that physique? How long can you do it even if you have the best training and the best health? Yeah, he's not happy.

How do you do it? Yeah, how do you do it? What's your secret? Just eat a lot of yogurt. Bro, what the fuck is that? I don't know what that is. The whole building is shaking right now. What the fuck is that?

There was a video that came out yesterday of him surprising a Hollywood tour, and I was just distracted by his forearm vein. It looked like a bobsled track. I loved that video, though. I think that's the first time he hosted Saturday Night Live in 2000. He's got dysmorphia for sure. One on the left,

he just looks like a normal jacked dude. He probably thinks he's fat. An NJD. A normal jacked dude? Yeah, just an NJD. But the one on the right, that's a monster.

Good lord. Dwayne. It's just an NJD, living the high life. So he's the richest man in Hollywood now, or he gets paid the most, and he's the most famous person in the world. When's it enough, KB? When's it enough? He wants president.

He wants president. When's it enough? It's never enough. That's his whole thing. He's still about to ride, though, honestly. He's just enjoying the climb. I don't know. I think he'll stop. It'll be like a forrest gump run disappoint everybody what no he'll never stop you're just going home i think i'll go home now because now he's got like the energy drink he's

got like all this shit he's never gonna stop yeah it's they're both like wildly successful is it yeah i bought one of the energy drinks the other day. It was good as fuck. Under Armour now is like nothing but rock clothes, right? Yeah. Steph Curry. Team Rock. Team Rock. I'm a big rock guy.

We're all on Team Rock, are we not? I'm a big rock fan. Huge rock fan. Until he declares what party he's in. Then I'm going to hate him. He's going to start his own party. The rock party? Yeah, just the Rock Party.

Party Rock. He's going to be in the House. The White House. Party Rock will be in the House. Election night. Party Rock. If he really does one run, will you vote for him? Yes. Absolutely. So would I.

Steven? Rowan's getting close to that dingy part of flesh. Will you vote for him? Yes. Absolutely. So would I. Steven. Rowan's getting close to that dingy part of flesh. Let's go back to him. He's showing ding. What is it? Pre-taint? It's pre-taint. Yeah, but it's the warning track.

Gross. Oh, man. Steven, since your basement is gone, you've had to deal with your house, and I assume it's been a rough week for you. Have you been able to compile the data for tomorrow? I've gotten working on it. I'm almost done with it, yeah. So you'll be ready to go. I'm ready to go for tomorrow.

Now, second question, who the fuck decided we're doing an auction draft tonight? Minty was the driving force, but I am with it. We're going to have a timer, so it's actually going to be shorter than a snake draft. If that's what you're... Minty naturally sounds like an aspiring auctioneer. He does. There was a new clip of a soundbite. Yeah, there's a new Minty clip.

Yeah, it's a good one. It's right behind the last one. Where did we get that? Where did we get that mince clip? It was DM'd to us. It doesn't matter. You can probably conceptualize it. Get it.

Was it Twitter or Instagram? What are you talking about? Bring it up, KB. Today conditions were very high. I think you could get a lot of clips from Rode. He was on one today. Why? Because he was making a lot of high-pitched noises.

Fantasy draft day? I think he's keyed up because of the draft. When college football started, he had a lot of passionate takes was it was a lot of indecipherable noises to start sentences he is jacked up today i can confirm it yeah i saw him heading out of the studio he was he was pumped up we got to get him off the wagon yeah yeah not even like a an ethical moral thing we just need to i just want to see what it's like. I just want to see how it changes him. I've seen how KB's changed by getting on the wagon.

Yeah. He tells us his story. I feel hot. It sounds like he was a fun guy to be around back in the day. Definitely. It sounds like he was

doing everything. It does. It definitely does. That's what he said. Everything. Like more than anything. I mean, how many Grateful Dead concerts

has he gone to in the last week? He doesn't know. He just goes to every single one. Oh, it's only a four-day thing. Jesus Christ, Mintz. I can't even get through one Grateful Dead song. It's like 25 minutes.

Icy Hots. What are they called? Icy... Icy Cold Fat Ones. Icy Cold Fat Ones. And Ice Fatties. Ice Cold Fatties. Yeah, Ice Cold Fatties yeah ice cold fatties speaking of icy cold things when you need to slow down nice just open a Coors Light it's mountain cold refreshment made to chill

it tastes great from Coors Brewing Company in Golden Colorado so slow down and celebrate responsibly get Coors Light and the new look delivered straight to your door with Drizzly or Instacart by going to CoorsLight.com slash take slash take T-A-K-E take so are they are we just like

kind of hopping on their ads yeah I think we're like an add-on just be like listen like you want to throw an extra 200 bucks to make them feel better

yeah make them feel like they're doing something for the company Steven do you feel bad that y'all made me wait until the day my show debuted to let me announce my show? Talk about it. Do you feel like that hindered the show? I had nothing to do with it.

Here we go. Oh, shit. You should have let us leak it. Put some Mentos in and let it out. Here comes Frank. So you do feel bad about it? Waiting in. Looking for KB.

You should. So that's going to be your proxy in the fantasy draft tonight, Nick? Yeah. Yeah, it's fine. I got to get my sweat on tonight. Oh, that's beautiful. Frank can't hug. No.

Frank can't hug? Neither can I. He gets hugged. I saw you hug the security guy. We were wrestling. It was a full chested, give me your hand, bring you in. I can't touch unless wrestling is engaged It has to be wrestling

You got into wrestling from trying to hug We didn't hug as a family Hugs gone wrong Yes you do Your mom's hugged me She tries What do you mean she tries You just put her in a full Nelson

She tries I don't give it back Return the hug Your mom's hugged me. Yeah, she tries. What do you mean she tries? You just put her in a full Nelson? She tries. I don't give it back. Return the hug? No. I bet you come from a hugging ass family. They can't keep their fucking hands off me, Brandon. Brandon, did you cry at Steve from Blue's Clues?

Okay, so here's the age difference. Like, no, because when Blue's Clues started, I was 22 fucking years old. Same question. Did you cry from Blue's Clues? No, I did not. difference like no because when blue started i was 22 fucking years old i'm gonna same question not nostalgic cry no i i did not it it's actually just kind of weird i honestly i watched this is really fucking weird i watched you watch me as a kid uh i bailed out on you and went and did he just did a bunch of blow pussy and yeah he did pussy yeah he um he did pussy i think he was fucking a playboy like punk Like punk bands and shit. He accidentally stumbled into the job and he said it was maddening. He got pushed out because he was going bald. Also, we couldn't quit because he was going bald and they wouldn't let him shave.

We can animate Blue in this fucking thing? Blue is like CGI'd now. I don't think... Oh, hi. Didn't see you there. You'd be a great Steve. I'd be a good Steve. You don't think... Animation. Oh, hi. Didn't see you there. You'd be a great Steve. I'd be a good Steve. You would be a great Steve.

Why don't we start a... Why don't we do a Barstool Kids show? We will. Within the next five years, there'll be a whole line of kids shows. You pitched this once. What was some of the... Barstool Tots.

Barstool Tykes. Like, smoke shows of the week were just like steam trains. Yeah. I don't know. I forget all the other things. I watched it thinking in my head, I'm like, oh, this is so fucking stupid. And then as soon as it started going, I was like, this is real as fuck.

I don't think it was. I did. No, he just read a script like pretending to individualize his statements. Hey, guys, I'm sorry I left you. I had a lot going on. No, you left your job. Oh, you look beautiful. Keep it up. Keep doing sorry I left you. I had a lot going on. No, you left your job. Oh, you look beautiful. Keep it up.

Keep doing what you're doing. Whatever you're doing is working. I can't be in the show today because I have a million shows I'm taping. I just wanted to leave you with a thought that popped in my head last night. Brandon watching Succession and wondering why they haven't fought for state rights.

Now, this show sounds good. What did you state rights. Now this show sounds good. When did you think of that? This show sounds nice. Big Cat's rocking a clean shave. Yeah, good shave. Clean. You liked it? Mm-hmm.

Yeah, I think you could spend a little more time in the squat rack, though. Definitely. His rump isn't looking as big as I remember it. Nope. I need to get my ass fat. No, why? You're sitting way low. Why am I sitting so low?

Were you wearing a rock hat the whole time? A couple sessions with me and Nick. Yeah. A what? The rock hat. It does look like a rock logo. Oh, it is. It is a rock logo, isn't it?

Oh, you're wearing the rock hat. Yeah. I'm the biggest rock supporter in here. I have a rock shirt. You have a rock shirt? Strength is a state of mind. Wasn't that Bruce Springsteen? Kind of a riff.

I was just coming up with it as I went. Came up with a riff. Yes, sir. Why can't you be at the fantasy draft tonight, Nick? I'm going to the sauna. I got to sweat once a week. A schvitz? Mm-hmm.

Nice. We should all go together. We do, except for you. I don't think that's right. Do you go to the sauna with him? Yes. We go to the Yankees game, and then we go to the sauna after.

At 23rd and 8th? Yes. That's not true at all. How do you know? I don't. Never been to the sauna? It's right next to people with AIDS Plaza. Shut the fuck up.

I mean, it is. And they use it for something completely different. Transmission. Transmission of AIDS. People with AIDS Plaza is just like a successful businessman and they live with their secretaries. That's all it is. Oh, okay. There's serious confusion.

Let's name it this. That's really a place? Yeah, it's right by KB's place. People with AIDS Plaza. I was just walking, and when I saw it, this excitement, this pleasure I derived is unlike any sensation I've felt in three to five years. And then everyone was around me.

I was doing videos and and takes and it's a good time what was your take what was your some of your takes they didn't make the cut best day of the year is right up on the corner of park and uh just a sec people with aids Viva! Viva! Viva! Viva! Viva! Viva! That was awesome. When did you make that? A couple days ago when I found it. Damn. Put that shit on...

Play the KV video, the one where you tweeted at Casey. Oh, that was hilarious. Did we also get the mince DM of the noise? Oh, yeah, we need the mince noise. I never found it. Get a ton of DMs. Maybe you should look, Kyle. It's deep.

Maybe you should take a peek. Don't have to scroll too far. Got you, brother. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, I love that. So Kyle learned how to edit video like two weeks ago. I did.

And it is so obvious because everything he sends is exactly like that. Yeah. It's really good. I've used that fart sound bite so often. I think that the people with AIDS Plaza video, you did a voiceover. I did. You didn't have to do that. I know.

You could have just talked. I know. Well, in public it's awkward. I did try one live and I was like whispering because I was afraid of the people around. Can we pull up the big T tweet today of him whistling on the street? It's the first time I've ever seen somebody trying to happy-go-lucky whistle but look super nervous. It was the most nervous whistle I've ever seen. I've never seen a nervous whistle.

Oh, it's the first time. I was going to say it was a nervous whistle. It was like a nervous skip. You can't nervously skip. N a nervous whistle. Oh, it's the first time. That's not such a thing as a nervous whistle, is it? Or like a nervous skip. You can't nervously skip. Nervous whistle. It's trembling. Yeah. He's like, please don't look at me.

And his lip shade. Very lesbian-ish. Very plump. The color. He's like looking around. It's a beautiful whistle. Yeah, but it's so quiet. That's the meekest whistle. Nobody's like looking around. It's a beautiful whistle. Yeah, but it's so quiet. That's the meekest whistle.

Nobody can meek whistle. We need him to twerk so bad. He's just spitting on Michael Williams. That looks like that could have been a voiceover. He might have just been moving his lips. Yeah, it might have been. He just thought he was having a good lip day. I got a voiceover of that whistle.

Did that whistle sound meek? I'll fix it in post. Security guards getting into something. An altercation. Who do we have? Oh, is that Stu's son? Stu's son and maybe a girlfriend or something. He's talking.

Spent some game over there. Yeah, that's a Stu Feiner progeny. Is that the right word? He's a little too straggler for my liking. There's Stu Feiner Progeny Is that the right word? He's a little too straggled For my liking There's Stu Feiner You want to bring him in? Not really

Yeah come on in Stu He doesn't want to come in He heard it late I guess Stu How was each Stu? It was so funny I did not notice That my headphones were on

Your headphones were on. Your headphones were on. What headphones? Oh, yeah, last time? Oh, yeah. Yeah, it was a different show. Stu, you're a football fan. We were just talking. What football position do you think eats the most pussy?

Quarterback. No two ways about it. You think quarterback has to eat pussy, though? Slot receivers, too? Quick, efficient, peppered with targets. Listen, I think a quarterback gets the most pussy and eats the most pussy. pussy though? Slot receivers too? Quick? Efficient? Peppered with targets? Listen, I think a quarterback gets the most pussy and eats the most pussy. And what's the most monogamous position?

What position doesn't cheat? They all cheat. A guard? I would say the least amount of pussy is the center because he's normally the fattest. He smells. He doesn't shower. He could be like stink. No, the center has to keep it. He smells, doesn't shower. He could be like stink. No, the center has to keep it. No, he doesn't shower.

He could be like stink and shit in his pants, so you never know. I'd say center. Girls hate that. The quarterback's hands don't smell bad. Don't talk about Kevin like that. I'd say center if you're asking me. There goes Donnie off to Italy.

Yeah, I was going to say that. I mean, I got like seventh and eighth, ninth grade. I was number one linebacker, and I was number one fullback. And at the time, obviously, I wasn't fucking. It was 7th, 8th, 9th grade. But I got, you know, at least 40 handjobs a month. 40 a month?

No chance. You got 41. You did it. 40 handjobs a month. I didn't lie about that. You know, here's the thing. The girls at your school would have been cowards. Listen, we're not allowed to say this anymore, right?

Right. But the key to life, getting sex, is fat women. Because, you know, you go for fat, because no one goes for the fat women. And they're very grateful, and they're great in bed, and they suck cock like a fucking fire hose, and let's go. So 1.2 fat woman would jerk you off a day? Multiple handjobs a day. Wait a minute, are you counting if a girl would use two hands? No, you can't use two hands with me and my dick.

Stop that bitch! Viva! Viva! Viva! Viva! Let's fucking go! They cut the mics. Wow, they cut the mics. Gotta learn somehow.

I don't know. A girl could do like, you know how you rub the tummy, pat the head? Same thing if she's coordinated. The horniest are defensive backs. The horniest? they love to spread their C significant margin they love to get people

they'll just go to your place and jack off in front of you if you won't let them fuck I like it yeah that's respectable that's very respectable so I'm sure that they just like

sit on their they sit on their back and let the girl ride them on front I would think so selfish hammering that sounded almost unpleasant no to let the girl ride him on front. I would think so. Selfish. Hammering.

Hammering. Yes. That sounded almost unpleasant. No. Well, you know what it is? You know, you got to fuck young. So let's say if you're 40, you got to fuck 20s. If you're 50s, you got to fuck 20s. If you're 60, you got to fuck 20s.

Yeah, exactly. Moral to the story, you got to fuck 20s. Unbelievable. 20-year-olds all day, twice on Sunday. Unbelievable, Stu. Can't get enough. Where are the shoes from? They were from the suit. I have to change into my Dave Portnoy outfit right now.

We're doing a video where I'm going to look like Dave Portnoy. I'm going to do a pizza review. I'm going to day trade. I'm going to run the company, and the premise is Dave goes to sleep and wakes up his worst fucking nightmare. I'm running the company.

You're going to stuff the pants? No, I'm not going to show my dick like that. I can't. I wish I could. I wish I had his dick. You're going to eat like Dave. You're going to live like Dave. Are you going to fuck like Dave?

You know something? I don't spit down women's throats, and I don't put chains around their fucking necks, but in my 20s and 30s, yes, I probably can fuck like Dave. No issue. I'm 60 right now. Did you? What? Did you? Yeah, 100%.

Well, you know what it was? What really fucked my sexuality up totally is I've always been a compulsive overeater. And my high weight is 262 in 1984. So I went to an overeaters anonymous meeting. And then they sent me to South Oaks Hospital in Amityville, Long Island, as an inpatient to lose weight. P.S., Al Goldstein, who owns Screw Magazine, is there.

So P.S., I met Ron Jeremy. He took me to all the fucking orgies, all the stuff that he did, all the photo shoots. He was going to take me to the Playboy Mansion, and my wife said, at the time it was my girlfriend, she said, you fucking go to the Playboy Mansion. We're done. So I couldn't go because I didn't want to lose her. The orgies. Did you just

attend or were you just browsing? No, no. I'm in. I was in. No, I was a great fuck. I was a great leg. I was 150 pounds when I got down to it. You know, I'd come, get hard, come, get hard, come, get hard. I eat ass in a whole house. So I go. I go all day. You know what I'm saying? I live under the premise if you don't have an STD, you're not trying.

What's your PR for ejaculations in a day? Well, I mean, you know, most of the time in my heyday, I'd whack at three and fuck three. So six. Six would be a normal MO. But like personal record, eight, nine?

I mean, not lying. Not lying, six. L know lying 12 16 good respectable very absolutely i'd like to say that i think that you have uh a great set of abs anytime you pop your shirt off i always feel like i see the striations of your abdomen look i'm fat i'm listen i'm 40 pounds overweight right now and i could do more push-ups and sips than anybody in this fucking room that's a fact fact. That's a fact. Yeah, see, look. You can see the striations of his abs.

He's got a nice shell. No, but it's like you see the striations. That is an anomaly, yeah. You see the striations. There is striation. I'm a fucking animal. Your diaphragm. Did you ever run around with Phil Simms?

No, never did. Okay. Never did. I bet I'm in the Super Bowl, you know, in 1986. Flee flick Broncos, I was there. That was amazing. Third flea flicker. 38, 16, 38, 19.

Followed by a touchdown next play. Followed by a touchdown next play. Unbelievable. But, you know, listen, and moral to the story, the key to life is this. When you're eating pussy, right, and the girl comes in your mouth, and then she violently grabs your boy. Wait, what? Comes in your mouth?

Like a squirt. Yeah, a squirter. Yeah. You know. Oh, oh, never felt like this. I can't believe I came. I'm coming again. Never multiple.

I guess I get that all the time. We've all been. So anyway. So anyway. But here's the key when you know this is your wife. She violently, after you're eating her, she comes. She violently grabs your ears and your hand. She pulls you up and tongue kisses you.

Yes. That's it. A little snowball. But the flip side is this. What is the caveat? She violently grabs your ears and your hands. She pulls you up and tongue kisses you. Yes. That's it. A little snowball. But the flip side is this. What is the caveat? When she's blowing you to get you hard for the second or third time, and you blow a load in her mouth,

when she comes up, fucking... You got to kiss her back. You got to kiss her back. You got to kiss her back. And really, your own cum, at least my cum, is a touch salty, a little phlegmy, but not a big deal. You know, you got to be a man. Is it something about us? It's something about us.

You guys are sexy. When I look at you guys, I think, let's fuck. Let's get an eight ball and let's fuck. Those are the two things I think. This is two people in a row that have sat in that chair and have talked cum with us. Talked eat, ingested. If you ain't cumming, you ain't trying. Yes.

Thank you, Stu. Okay. I love you. God bless you. May God be with you guys. You're the best't trying. Yes. Thank you, Stu. Okay. I love you. God bless you. May God be with you guys. You're the best. It's an honor. No, no.

And I really mean this. It's a fucking honor. I love you. Ready to roll. Have a great football season, Stu. Yes. Great football season. You know, it is football season when he starts showing up again.

Oh, yeah. We're back in the mix now fully. That's... Well, she talks about a girl spitting cum into your mouth. None of us... It's football season. None of us eat pussy, right? Absolutely not.

I talk about it. It's like an open wound. Okay. Eating pussy is the equivalent of in school when you said you have an uncle that works at Nintendo. Eating pussy is the gayest thing you can do. We've established this before, right?

I would disagree. I would say fucking pussy is gay. Other dicks have been there. Pass. Give me something fresh that a dick's never been. Like one of my homies. Fucking your dudes is the straightest thing you could do.

That's facts. I was going to say always has been. Not quite. What do you mean? It's more neo. Yeah, it is. It was taboo for a while. Neo heterosexuality is...

I'm a neo het. That's a thing. Neo het means you get pegged and you fuck guys too. That's not... Well, that's not het. How can you be het? That's neo het. Is that really?

Can we Google neo het? Neot. Nah, let's not Het. How can you be Het? Yeah, it's Neo Het. Is that really? Can we Google Neo Het? Neot. Nah, let's skip that. Let's skip that. Did you get the DM of Mince? I didn't. Can't find it. Yeah.

Buried. Something weird's going on here. You guys can always find DMs. You can't search on Twitter, or can you? I don't know. I can't search a keyword. I got a DM from a burner account just of a picture of the security guard

from really far away. Wow. From another window. Through a scope. Sass. Working hard or hardly working. It's a picture of you through a scope. Sierra Cullen, they got to start doing clues like that.

Some Zodiac shit where they send you a picture of you in a scope. I found it. I sent it to Zoe. Thank you. Everybody got this, do you? It was just the first mention. Yeah. Alright, you want to dive into this?

What do we got here? I suppose so. Rank these snacks. I feel like you've done this one before, Stephen. Fruit roll-ups, fruit by the foot, gushers. Rank these snacks. You have an order. You've definitely done that before.

I don't know if I have. Fruit roll-ups, fruit by the foot, gushers. You've at least done something very similar. Okay. I'm a fruit roll-up guy. What is the worst natural disaster? Tornado, hurricane, flood, earthquake? Sandstorm.

That would suck for the eyeballs. Yeah. What's a typhoon? It'll rip your entire skin off. It's a hurricane somewhere else, right? It's a hurricane in the Pacific. Yeah. Wait, really?

Hurricanes in the Atlantic Ocean? And typhoons are in the Pacific, yeah. Why? Why do we have two different words for them? Different oceans. Okay. They spin different directions? Does the Indian Ocean not get hurricanes?

It's not big enough, right? They probably have their own word for it. Good question. Okay, good stuff. Good talk. What? Did it start scatting? What? They love scatting. What?

They love this kicker. Typhoon's only the northwest Pacific. What? Central north and eastern north Pacific are both hurricanes. So Japan, basically. What? What? All right.

You want to call it? No way Fuck What time is it? Second ad big dog Second ad big dog What time is it right now? We should have had Stu do the ad

Yeah we should have Let's get the security guard to do it Actually Josh Have you guys met Josh? Oh he's the best Okay well he didn't acknowledge you at all Nah he doesn't fuck with me like I fuck with him

Doesn't seem like it He's not a neo-het. I tried to preach the way as a neo-het to him. He said, pause. I said, no, no. Can I do the ad? Yeah. Can you do the ad? No, I'm not old enough to use Roman. I'm not old enough to

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Make sure you're ready to have the confidence and control this summer. Now look sideways. This fall. Look sideways, Sass. Look sideways. Front beard. Hide the mic, please.

Oh. Sass Bilzerian. I have to shave it. Relax. Relax. Good job. Any more ads you want me to do? Should have brought in

some from Son of a Boy Dad. Since that's something we're just doing now. What? Bringing ads from our podcasts. What do you mean? Slash take, brother. Yes, a callback joke. I like comedy, bro.

Let's do some improv comedy, huh? Let's do a Harold. All right. We need three words from... We need a place. Jillian. Who's Jillian? Oh, come on.

I can pull up the chat and get three words for you. He doesn't know Jillian? No. Let's not use chat. Chat's words. Why don't we... Sorry.

Why don't we come in and let's name... Chat doesn't even watch the show. They just try to talk to the girls that are in the chat. You guys are sick. If I had to guess... Leave him alone. If I had to talk to the girls that are in the chat. You guys are sick. If I had to guess... If I had to guess what the chat was right now, I'd be like,

oh, Sass just crushed that Roman ad. I would think so, yeah. 10x in the chat for that Roman ad. Oh, that's an unbelievable fit. It's an unbelievable fit. It's a good fit. Yeah! It's an unbelievable fit. What's he got there? It's a good fit. Yeah.

How does he have a six-pack with a... His torso was phenomenal. It looked like a turtle shell. It didn't look real. And when he talks, it kind of jumps a little bit. You can see the muscles of his diaphragm moving as he talks. He's shaped like an ice cream cone with a cherry on top. Shaped like a water tower. This boy is like a golf ball on a tee.

Yeah, he is. Yeah, he is. Shaped like that structure in Dallas. Are we doing hip-hop? All the words are Shark Eat Duck. All the words are Shark Eat Duck. All the words are Shark Eat Duck. Yeah, okay. So, okay.

I can't think of any... That's the most illogical scenario. I can't think of any improv for that. It just doesn't happen. All Shark Eat Duck. That is good, though. Oh, man. Clydesdale.

This is like Second City shit, man. Che, can we design your basement? That's a great question. I'm not against it. Like a man cave? Yeah. When do you think your basement will be rebuilt? They said it'll be like a couple weeks, probably about a month.

That's not bad. Ping pong or pool? Neither. I could see you having like a fat head of yourself. Yeah, Steve would have a fat head of himself. That would be sick. Do you watch football? All right, we'll get that.

Do you watch football down there? I don't, no, no. Or like a big ceramic giraffe that's like six feet tall. Short for a giraffe, tall for a ceramic item. Really confused. The whole basement. Those are handmade most of the time. It's all Sharky Duck. Yeah, it's not stopping? No, it's Sharky Duck. It's the only basement. Those are handmade most of the time. It's all Sharky Duck.

Yeah, it's not stopping? No, it's Sharky Duck, Sharky Duck, Fire Marty Mush, Horse Keys, Buy My Love, Nick Writes All Brandon's Jokes, Buy My Love,

Mush Chimp Documentary, You Guys Are Lost Without Big Cat. Oh, yeah. All right, well, let's do that one. Do you push? All right, all right. I'll play Big Cat.

And you guys just do what you've been doing. Yeah. All right. You guys watch How It's Made? I watched the mirror. I watched a mirror getting made last weekend. What? Really?

Yeah. How is a mirror made? I don't even want to tell you. No, please tell us. Is it glass? Is it glass that's dipped in some shit? Not dipped, brother. Nothing's dipped?

Is it painted? It's something poured. They paint mirror on shit? But there are cheaper mirrors that you could get at like Ikea. The ones that KB would buy and tilt the other way. Oh, there's the other one. Yeah, I know what I'm doing. You love buying bowed mirrors.

How are two-way mirrors made? That's a great question. I haven't watched that. That's how it's made. We've got to get some two-way mirrors. In here. Yeah. That would be awesome.

But the other way. So we can only see ourselves like an interrogation room and everyone can see in. That's the dream, right, Owen? Mm-hmm. Thank you, brother. We had a security guard shift change during the show. Oh, is this the other guy? This is the other guy.

This guy is killed. This guy is killed. And I think he goes to the eyes with his thumbs. Yeah. Uh-huh. But he's also going to die. Also, look, he's good. Yeah.

He's good. Mm-hmm. He's going to try to eat that thumb. No. Oh, shit. I wish he tried to stop them from coming in. he's gonna try to eat that son of a woman no he like oh shit I wish he tried to stop them from coming in maybe we should just get

some form of like ID that you have to scan we do we are doing that picture day we missed picture day it was yesterday oh really

yeah oh wow I didn't go I took a picture Friday but apparently they didn't take we were supposed to have badges that's cool

when you have a black light over it it says Viva yeah I was gonna say that's awesome that'll be fun What's that badge? When you have a black light over it, it says Viva. Yeah. I was going to say. That's awesome. That'll be fun. Do you have a gun?

Do you have a gun? Do you have a gun? Let's go. He's strapped up. No? Come on. Okay, all right. Oh, so he's strapped.

Yeah. He just nodded very like, yeah, sure do. Yes, I do have a gun. They hate us. Why would they hate us? Because he just knows that the camera's on him. We're making his job easier.

Oh, we're not going to go into Barstool. That guy has a gun. You think he's lying? Well, if you want to come break in, come when the other guy's here because he doesn't have a gun.

I'm going to walk out one day and just see a corpse of like a mid-20s white guy with a pizza box that has his resume spelled out in pepperoni i mean that that's happened that's been made it's had to be done that's literally how are you so like he gets the name done he's like fuck the whole box is taken up by pepperoni just Just my name. Did we ever tell you guys about when me and Nick went to the One Bite pop-up shop and there was a guy there that was doing a pizza review for us?

Yeah. He kept on looking back at us. A lot of flop. And he just kept looking at us. And he had no idea who any of us were. He was mad that Donnie was making the pizzas. He was like, who is that guy that he gets to go behind the counter and make a pizza? He was riding an electric bike, and it had a speaker just playing the one bite. No.

Accordion theme song. Yeah, it was awesome. Shit. That was great. Brandon, talking point? Let's see. New Day Portnoy Show. Is that an asshole move or does it not matter?

Overs contest. Football League draft tonight. No, there's not much here. Is what an asshole move? Bullying? Yeah, Nate. We don't bully here. I didn't watch it. What was the bully?

And all the guys in the fat pen know that, okay? We just don't do that. Ask any of them. The fruit roll-ups thing is 100% a repeat, by the way. Yeah, it's definitely a repeat. We've done that. I mean, you've got to be better than this. Of course, it is Data Day tomorrow, so his focus needs to be elsewhere.

Can you give us a little taste? You got a taste of data? Any data? I haven't finished it yet. No data. I'm in November right now. Can you give us a sample of the algorithm? Give us some September data.

It's got to be the whole thing. You've got to start doing scores just so people can kind of base their entire betting schedule around you. I don't know if you can be trusted, Che. Wow. That was direct. Why? I asked how Chris Godwin is doing. You said he didn't practice yesterday.

Yeah. It was a limited practice, Che. He did. Oh. I know that said he didn't practice yesterday. Yeah. It was a limited practice, Jay. He did. Oh. I know that and you don't. Wow. Jay. Say it again.

Popped up on the injury report with a hamstring injury. Quad. Quad. Jay. Oh, my God. Oh, brother. Totally different.

The rust off for tomorrow. Once the front and the back. Brutal. Sash, show us where the quad is and where the ham is. Please. Flex one at a time. Isolate it show us where the quad is and where the hammy is. Please. Flex one at a time. Isolate it.

Isolate the quad. Where's that quad? This is the quad. How do you get the long head of the quad? You're going to want to be doing a lot of squats, front squats, back squats, the whole nine yards. What about the hammy? How do you really iso the hammy? RDLs, deadlifts.

That's a muscle you just iso the hammy? RDLs, deadlifts. We all know RDLs. That's just more of a muscle you just have to stretch, right? That's not really something you have to... Pretty much. But you stretch it with weight. Yeah. RDL is like my favorite exercise. I hurt my hamstring frequently.

Do you? I hurt my hamstring fucking. I hurt my hamstring doing the rails. How are you fucking? Huh? How do you fuck? Well, I just... Big guy moves.

Yeah, big guy moves. Standard stuff. Alone. Che, have you had any big guy moves since the flood? Don't you ever call big guy moves standard stuff? How long after a personal tragedy can you do a big guy move? A couple days. How long has it been?

It's been a week. Flooded the basement again, huh? Oh, shit. Yeah, he did. That's one of the names of the move. Flooded the basement. Jay, didn't part of you want to just get in the flood? Splish splash around?

Do some big guy moves underwater? That's a primal desire to swim in open water. No, it was actually very scary to turn the power off to my house so I didn't get electrocuted. Oh, yeah. I didn't think about that. That's a thrill. Did you leave your house in a boat or did they just come around in a boat? Didn't leave it.

They were called. They came up to what was our stairs and we were ready to go packed, but the water had just started to recede at that point. Okay. So we said said we're okay we have we have a living space so they recommended staying calling him if it rose again which it looked like it was not so so did it come in like it didn't come in your front door and go down the basement like came in the basement door and rose up yeah how'd it work yeah yeah it came in the basement and then rose and then filled up the basement and then like a foot and a half two feet on the next level one of my dreams is getting into

an industry that makes a ton of money off natural disasters and i can't tell which one is the best one to get into like some kind of insurance adjusting or like a cleanup fund or some shit like that but there's just so much money to be made from natural disasters. I feel like I'm leaving meat on the bone. Yeah, I think we should start houses that have trap doors underneath, so if a tornado comes, just How would that help in a flood? I'm doing tornadoes, dick.

When's the last time the Great Plains have flooded? Iowa flooded in 1993. It was tragic. I remember that. So many crops and people lost. How? How do you remember the Iowa flood? You're telling me the Mississippi River never tragic. I remember that. So many crops and people lost. How? How do you remember the Iowa flood? You're telling me the Mississippi River never floods? I remember reading about it. Why did you lead with crops?

So much damage. So many crops. So many crops lost. And humans. So many crops lost. Big two. You're talking to billions. This is their livelihood out there, man.

You're talking billions of dollars lost. So is their physical livelihood, though. Their lives. Their lives are their lives. So many of dollars lost. So is their physical livelihood, though. Their lives. Their lives are their lives. Only like 20 people died, but millions of people were affected with the Iowa floods of 93. It was right after Hurricane Andrew. 93 had some shit. Andrew was 92.

World Trade Center was 93. Yeah. The Storm of the Century was 93 also. Jurassic Park. Jurassic Park was 93. That made about $402 million. Schindler's century was 93 also. Jurassic Park. Jurassic Park was 93. That made about $402 million. Schindler's List was 93. Domestically.

Not inflation. I heard in the Jersey area in this past storm, 17 people died. Oh, that stinks. Thank you. So that's over one statistic. So almost as much as I want. And Frank didn't make it to work. So you could say he died on the yak.

Yeah, he did. In a way. So is that suspension upheld until the first Dolphins win? Correct, yeah. And Tua wasn't named the captain today, I'm pretty sure. And he's not off the hook when the Dolphins win. He just goes to trial when the Dolphins win. Who's representing him?

He said he wants me as a witness, but I'm not going to represent him. Also, what did you witness? You weren't with him in New Jersey last week? He said that he told me that he knew. That's from the pre-charge. This is a brand new charge. We could bring up. Litigate that one as well.

I mean, now he kind of has a history of it, though. He's got multiple charges. We were doing it like grand jury, like Senate hearing style, right? Well, he'll sit in the middle and we'll all be able to give him like 90 seconds. Then who's like the chairman of our shit? Not Kyle. Kyle? I think it's Kyle. Yeah.

Could be Kyle. I'm not a chairman. I'm a walker. You've been walking today at all? This is bothering me. You look like you ran this morning. You have a post-run glow. I did run a chairman. I'm a walker. You've been walking today at all? This is bothering me. You look like you ran this morning. You have a post-run glow. I did run.

It was documented. What do you mean? Barstool Gooch tweeted about it. He said he looked like I was going at a 545 pace. I was. Where did he see you? He was running as well. But wasn't he just low-key saying that he's faster than you?

I don't know what he was hinting. How long did you run? 10 miles. You just ran 10 miles today? Yes. No. There's no way you ran 10 miles at a 545 pace. Running is easy.

Running is not. You got me fucked up. Running a mile should be easy for most people. It's an instinctive maneuver. For 10 miles? Instinctive if you're getting chased. Your instincts say shut down after 10 miles. Once you psychologically feel like you are being chased, then you won't stop.

How do you trick yourself into thinking that? My entire run is a second wind. You start with the second wind? Yeah. Do you have something that could have tracked how long you ran? My health app.

So do you have a first, second wind, and a second? I don't even have a first wind. Just second. What time did you start running? You can run 10 miles in 55 minutes.

Yes. There's no way. That wouldn't even qualify me for the Olympic trial. Of course it wouldn't. I believe you. I'm struggling to believe you. Why don't you just randomly do it on a Wednesday? What?

It's not like I picked a random day. I run. I exercise. You run 10 miles like I picked a random day. I run. I exercise. You run 10 miles every day? Stay in shape. Not every day. Just most days. And you've been completely sober.

I have been. So could you run a marathon pretty easily? Yes. Easily. Anyone can. You can go at any pace. I could not physically. Why was all business Pete just walking by smiling?

Did you see that? I didn't see him smiling. I saw him walking by, but I didn't look at his face. I saw he checked his phone and he smiled. I didn't like it. It was off-putting. It was. Because he was a double mask guy for weeks and weeks,

and then he just stopped being a double mask guy after he went to Mississippi. He didn't even stop at single mask either. No, right. Something happened. There was a shift. He's a card-carrying per either. No, right. Something happened. There was a shift. He's a card carrying pervert. I think he forgot what breathing feels like and it just feels good. It's like an orgasm to him.

Every inhale is an orgasm. Going back to the masks after not using them for a while is brutal. It's tough. Yeah. Tough to breathe with those muzzles on. That's exactly what they are. Think about it. One second. That's all it takes.. Think about it. One second.

That's all it takes. Any of you motherfuckers have deviated septums? Yeah. No. How would I know? I think they're like the airflow of your nostrils. Is yours for real deviated? I think so. You got apnea? I'm a rookie now. You will. I'm a loud sleeper.

I am too. From what I've been told by a lot of people. A loud sleeper. I am too. From what I've been told by a lot of people. A lot of witnesses. What's the state of your septum? I don't know. Really? Yeah. There's something very wrong with me right now.

I know. I got the vibe. I am at war with my mind. What is it? I don't know. You're going through it? Yeah. That's the vibe. I am at war with my mind. Okay. What is it? I don't know. You're going through it? Yeah. That's the worst. Yeah.

Have you been for the whole show or all day? A couple days. Damn. Yeah. Mental health break? No. That's kind of gay. I guess it is.

Yeah. I'm going gonna get you on some 5-HTP some magnesium since when do you watch since when do you wear a watch why don't you just go bang on a 10 miler

with KB tomorrow good point anyone can do it I can't imagine that would help if I ran a 10 mile if I ran 10 miles I would have to go

to the hospital after and like my organs would be falling out of my body yeah cause you try to do it in converse. There was a point in my life I ran seven miles a day for like two years straight.

Ew. No way. I kind of like the shot of Owen with the security guard just right over his shoulder. Is he watching the door, or is he watching us? He's watching Owen. I think we're suspect number one. These guys certainly aren't good enough

to have a show of their own. They've infiltrated the company. That would be hilarious if you just walk into some room and he's got pictures of everyone's faces and shit. The yarn. Yeah. Brandon, are you a gun owner for real? Yeah, why? What kind of pieces are you looking at?

I wouldn't worry about it. I am. Oh, automatics? I'm a big gun guy. I got a lot. You got bump stocks. You got fully autos. No, I don't have that stuff.

Yeah, you do. No, I don't. I just got the standards. Look the camera in the eyes and say you don't have multiple fully automatic weapons. I don't have multiple fully automatic weapons. Semi-automatic. It's probably a handgun and it's semi-automatic. The semi with the bump stock might as well be auto.

Do just as much damage. I mean, a revolver is like a fun, classic gun to have, too. Like just a.357 or some shit like that. A little snub nose. That's probably what this guy has. Definitely what he has. He probably fished it up from the river before the job interview. Shooting buckshot.

Brandon, you should bring your guns in one day. I don't think I can. No, you can. It's alright with me. Okay, well. I'll talk to Erica about it. We should all get a gun. We should go shooting one day and make a video out of it.

Welcome to Barstool. Here's your badge. Here's your Sherpa. Moonman Sherpa. And your gun. With one bullet. I was telling Sass this the other day. I know a dude in Rockaway who's like, his name's Ray Van. And he's arming his friends to start a militia. No way.

Over three years he's been like giving them all militia presents. Is Jack McGuire part of the militia? No, it's... I'd join a militia. Totally. It's a cool word. It's a fun sounding word. Because military

is like a way to steal valor without even... You actually are in one so it's not even stealing valor. Yeah. Even though it is, but it's not.

That's what's fucking crazy about it. Sweet. Does he get to board a plane early? Who? Yeah. Somebody in the militia? Ray Van?

No way. His name's Ray Van? He can board any plane he wants. Yeah. Yeah, probably, but he's more of a van guy. Should we get out of here? Yeah, let's grab it up.

He can board a plane. All right, good stuff, boys. Solid show. Data day tomorrow. Data right, good stuff, boys. Solid show. Data day tomorrow. Data day tomorrow. Fantasy draft tonight. I'm about to probably get some poke for lunch.

How's that sound? A poke bowl? A poke bowl? I was thinking I was going to get some pho. Pho? Some pho. Actually, I would get pho, too. You want to get some pho? It's on me.

All right. Pho's on me. If anybody wants pho, it's on me. Okay. I'm craving. All right. We'll be me. If anybody wants fuzz, it's on me. Okay. I'm craving. All right. We'll be back tomorrow. Let's see you at...

We'll be back tomorrow. We'll be back tomorrow. We'll be back tomorrow. We'll be back tomorrow. We'll be back tomorrow. We'll be back tomorrow. We'll be back tomorrow. We'll be back tomorrow.

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We'll be back tomorrow. We'll be back tomorrow. We'll be back tomorrow. We'll be back tomorrow. We'll be back tomorrow. We'll be back tomorrow. We'll be back tomorrow. We'll be back tomorrow.

We'll be back tomorrow. We'll be back tomorrow. We'll be back tomorrow. We'll be back tomorrow. We'll be back tomorrow. We'll be back tomorrow. We'll be back tomorrow. We'll be back tomorrow.

We'll be back tomorrow. We'll be back tomorrow. We'll be back tomorrow. We'll be back tomorrow. We'll be back tomorrow. We'll be back tomorrow. We'll be back tomorrow. We'll be back tomorrow.

We'll be back tomorrow. We'll be back tomorrow. We'll be back tomorrow. We'll be back tomorrow. We'll be back tomorrow. We'll be back tomorrow. We'll be back tomorrow. We'll be back tomorrow. It's the act Yeah, it's time to talk shop

We're doing Yankees, love is the act Thank you.