The Yak - Porta Potty Sprinting is America's Greatest Pastime | The Yak 1-31-23

Episode Date: January 31, 2023

Godzilla...GODZILLAYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Yo, DJ, hold that up. Okay, it's the Yak. Welcome back. I'm your host, Brandon. On the intro how why are me you and kate just chilling smoking cigarettes i don't know i don't know man this used to be a used to be a smoking show yeah now it's just the british word for cigarette show yeah big time that's my bad that's on me yeah you smoked it up in here.

Good to see you guys. First time seeing you guys since the case race. Yes. I feel pretty bad about that one. Yeah. Why? Because you threw a football and almost hit Nick in the face? I'm pretty sure.

I don't know. I didn't watch it back, but I'm pretty sure I did hit Nick in the face. No, I think you hit directly the beer. Yeah, I hit my beer. I think that that was maybe the worst mistake of my professional career. I don't know that I've ever made a worse mistake. You had the football in your hand, and you're just like, I just have to throw it?

I don't know, dude. I don't know. To be honest, I blacked out during the race, and I kind of jumped around, and you don't know. To be honest, I blacked out during the race, and I, like, watched back. I, like, kind of jumped around, and you couldn't hear it in my voice. And the lights were on, and I just wasn't really home, so I kind of left. But it's like when you black out, you remember, like, the one distinct thing, and it, like, shines through, and I don't even remember the details,

but just how it made me feel. And, like, I was like, oh. But it wasn't even that bad. It hit the cup of my beer. Which was worse than actually hitting you. Nope. I nope so spontaneous the beer went out of the blue yeah sure i'm fine with that i don't want to get hit in the face with a football i think that i think it's in some ways nick and i have like a kind of like playful relation like the other day on the rundown you like smack the crackers out of my hand i think i wanted to like play into that playfulness

but like my new dumb puppy like i didn't i didn't, I didn't know how to do it tactfully, and I made a fucking... Why are you saying this? It was fine. It just hit the cup. I just felt... Oh, what do we got here, Brandon? Oh, yeah. We have Italian.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bring it in. Bring it in. Bring it in. Bring it in. We could all eat it. Ebony's birthday lunch from Tallarico's.

Oh, yeah. Ebony's pig's lunch. Thank you very much. L'Orechios much Am I saying it wrong? I say Tyler Rico's I have a bumper sticker on a trash can In the back of the office I appreciate that

At least you could do for me getting you a job When you want to have a bite you let us know And we'll look out for you Why don't you hand one to Ron so he can pummel me with it So I can wind up like fucking Hideo Nomo we'll look out for you. Why don't you hand one to Rowan so he could pummel me with it? So I could wind up like fucking Hideo Nomo. My face was like that pigeon Randy Johnson.

The pigeon that Fabio ran into. Imagine if that was the same bird. Or like a family member bird of that bird. That bird just terrorized. But yeah, I apologize to Nick the next day, but then I just,

I need to apologize to you publicly so day but then i just uh i need to apologize to you publicly so people can see uh that i i'm truly sorry and i'm an asshole and sorry to even put you in a position where i have to apologize to you this is so weird i know it is but i just i just feel winter has been funny because every once in a while i'll just get tagged in a tweet like you were like i'm betting on mb to win mv MVP and somebody was like you better give Nick that money. I don't even remember that happening. It was a nothing. I was sitting right beside him.

I don't remember him throwing the football. I don't even remember you getting hit with the beer. No, it was just the cup. It was nary an incident. I was just upset about it because it basically counted as a beer that you drank. Yeah, I tried to but then you filled it back up. I was actually happy about it because it basically counted as a beer that you drank. Yeah, I tried to, but then you filled it back up. I was actually happy about it. Glad it happened. Drake put you on his story. Yeah. And people

responded to that with, like, I used to like you, but because... They were like, I wish I could be stoked for you. No, uh... You know what we should introduce is a gut punch for me. When I start acting like a dickhead, maybe just anybody... You weren't acting like a dickhead. You did one little thing. You acted like a dickhead. Just like, it's fine. Just a little gut punch, I think, would set me straight. I start acting like a dickhead, maybe just anybody. You weren't acting like a dickhead. You did one little thing. Acting like a dickhead. Just like, it's fine.

Just a little gut punch I think would set me straight. I've had a friend that used to do that to me and it set me fucking straight. My boy Mike used to just a little gut punch to just get me right. How many times did he gut punch you? Three. Anyone who cares about that is a raging pussy. Also, people forget you rolled in already like a bottle of red wine deep. I'm not even saying other people caring about it.

I'm saying that I woke up feeling, before it even came out, I woke up feeling bad about it. You just like to throw things. I do. I do. I don't believe you cared about it for a second. I think he did. I definitely did. No, he texted me drunk that night.

Really? Yeah. And I was like, dude, stop. Quit. I don't know. But no, Drake put you on his story. Wait, what? What's this?

And I found out because Kyle texted me and said this is the best thing that's ever happened to me. Really? He didn't even text me. Oh. Yeah. I don't know.

My guys. Should you have him on the podcast? Son of a Boy Dad? No. Or The Yak? Pipev Show. No, let's have him on something else. Have him on something with Boy Dad. Let's have him on the podcast? Son of a Boy Dad? No. Or The Yak? Pipev Show. No, let's have him on something else. Have him on something with Boy Dad.

Let's have him on something else. He'd be a big get. Yeah, that'd be decent. So, 130 million followers. Son of a Boy Dad. And you were tagged. How many followers does that garner you? Like a negligible amount.

Yeah. It's odd. Maybe a thousand. Okay. That's not negligible, is it? I don't know. Well, it wasn't like... 130 amount. Yeah. It's odd. Maybe a thousand. Okay. That's not negligible, is it? I don't know. Well, it wasn't like... 130 million?

Yeah. For 130 million, that's a drop in the bucket. 130 million. People really didn't care. That was a generous thing of him to do. I wonder why he was feeling so nice. I wonder how it even came across his timeline. Because that clip on TikTok only has like 130 thousand...

Or like, it doesn't have that many views on it. So, I don't know if he's just searching his name on TikTok. It came up. I'm sure someone probably sent it to him. You think so? You think people are. I think NBA players listen to the pod and send. You think they're like, yo, Drake, look at this.

I don't know. It probably just came up on his TikTok. I don't really see Drake being a guy that just scrolls TikTok. Oh, I do. On his belly with his feet up. On his side with his feet up behind him. On his side with his knees touching. I'm going to the Philharmonics tonight.

I think Drake in his bedroom has that phone that's a pair of lips. Yeah, he does. He definitely has some cute shit like that. We lost that along the way. We used to have cool phones. Cool phones. Yeah. We had football phones.

Try and make cool cases now with their little tacks. Not the same. Massive. Massive. Cool phones could be clunky. They could be, because you don't always have to use that. Yeah, but they looked so goddamn cool when they were just sitting there. As phones, they were terrible. I had just gotten the football in my room and then it was just like,

nobody used landlines anymore. But it come with a Sports Illustrated, didn't it? I think mine was Sports Illustrated Kids. I don't know. Football phone. Man, that shit was sweet. The lips were sweet. That shit would have hurt if it was. There was the phone that was clear

and you could see the insides, the colored insides. Technology used to only be neon purple and lime green, and now it's just black. That sucks. Like the iMacs and shit like that. Yeah, Game Boys. Technology did change colors. It was translucent neon, or yeah, turquoise, and it looked fucking sweet.

It was exciting. How do you describe that phone I'm describing? It was like- Translucent. Translucent, yeah. It was clear. It was trans. Yeah. Lucent. Translucent, yeah. It was like a clear... It was trans. Yeah.

Lucent. Back when that fucking meant something. You guys know Connor Mook is afraid to walk by the yak because he thinks we'll pull him in? Well, he's right. That's a good thing. I know. He refuses to walk by. He's a great follow.

Oh, he's funny. That guy's a hoot. I'll say it. Tyler Miller called him the hidden gem of Barstool. Yeah. Yeah, he's very funny. I don't know that I've met him. Let's bring him in. Let's a hoot. I'll say. Tyler Miller called him the hidden gem of Barstool. Yeah. He's very funny. I know that I've met him. Let's bring him in.

Pull him in. Yeah, I guess. Walk by if you're listening. Mook. Got to do the mook whistle. There's a mook whistle. Yeah. The Philharmonic?

Yeah, I'm going to the Philharmonic. What is that even? Up at Lincoln Center? Is that where they are? I don't know, but I bought tickets to the Philharmonic tonight. I'm going to the Phil Harmonics. What is that even? Up at Lincoln Center? Is that where they are? I don't know, but I bought tickets to the Phil Harmonics tonight. I'm going to that tonight, too. You got any Phil playing the harmonics? This is opening.

Yeah. It might be boring as hell. Have you guys ever listened to music? I assume it's going to be. It's going to be super boring. Have you guys ever listened to music get played like that? Yes. Philly had a free they

had a free night like a poor people so i went by myself and the conductor philly's like philharmonic conductor is this i don't know if he's still they signed them like athletes like he got signed to like a 10-year whatever million deal contract he like ripped off his shirt halfway through he was like a young guy the crowd was going nuts probably because it was a four people free crowd and we were like whoa but it was incredible it was amazing it was like a young guy. The crowd was going nuts, probably because it was a four-people free crowd. And we were like, whoa! What the fuck? But it was incredible. It was amazing.

It was probably the most fun show they played. Yeah, it was really fun. Are you seeing them at an iconic venue? I think so. I don't know. Where's the New York Philharmonic? Do they have their own building? I think it's Lincoln Center.

I think they have a whole area dedicated, which is lovely. I think they got a whole space. What is it? Is that just a big orchestra? It's a symphony. I think it's like a big-ass orchestra, and they're playing some kind of, maybe like a Chinese New Year type of dip or something like that. They have an Asian lady directing them.

Oh, yeah. Well, that'll be over quick. Sounds like a Chinese New Year, then. Stephen Che knowingly nodding when I said Chinese New Year. Just intimately. What's this the year of? The year of the what? Fuck, I just thought.

Rabbit? Rabbit. Rabbit. What does that mean? It's the year of the what? Fuck, I just saw. Rabbit? Rabbit. Rabbit. What does that mean? It's the year of the rabbit. Fucking. Fucking, yeah. It's pretty self-explanatory.

Year of small turds. Everyone poops small this year. I have been. Have you really? Yes. It's the year of the rabbit. Poop small, miss small. Little dots.

All of our seats are covered in them every time we get up. Yeah. Little rabbit poops. Like rat poop kind of just dotting all over the city. Can you guys tell the difference between dog poop and rat poop if you saw it? I think so. I hope so. I can't tell the difference between dog and man though.

Yeah, that's tough. Dog and man is very similar. There was a huge shit on the door of the gambling cave Sunday. Like right next to it in Hoboken. Really? I got there and it was. That doesn't seem like a big shitting neighborhood. Buddy, it was.

It was like what happened in Chicago the other... Oh, yeah. It was clearly somebody had smashed their butthole up against the glass and... And shit. They got a vendetta? Maybe. Man.

That's also a power move. So I talked about this with you... Shitting up against the wall. Your mic's a little quiet. Yeah. So I talked about this with Kate right after she came in and we talked about it.

There was an, what I saw was an Amazon package that looked like it had shit on. What I think must have happened, someone took a shit and then wiped their ass with the Amazon package. Oh.

There's got to be a trillion other things to be better than that. I like that. You thought about this long enough to come up with a hypothesis. It was not a cardboard one. It was like the plastic one. Oh.

Oh. Oh, so it was smeared in poop. That's probably exactly what happened. What would you... If you got an Amazon package and you picked it up and it was smeared in poop, what would you do? You think you'd open it or just throw it in the trash? Do I know what it is? I would probably cut the middle and then I would flick the poop off.

You'd flip it, yeah. But it's white poop. It's smeared. It's not like a single turd. That's not coming off. It would come off. Well, it's waterproof. If you had a hose, you could spray it down.

But in the city. Well, what if it's an electronic device inside the small sheet of paper? Well, they're waterproof, aren't they, the bags? Are they? I guess they are. They've got to be weatherproof. That's true. I went to the airport yesterday morning and took a dump in Arizona.

And after I finished the dump, reached up, and there was just no toilet paper in there. It was absolute hell. To the right, there was like the wax things that you use to like put on the toilet seat, the toilet seat liners. Was that the only stall in there? Did you like think of changing stalls? Did you waddle? No, I mean, what was I going to waddle with like my dick out in the bathroom? Like out one stall into another stall?

What else did you do? Yes, that's what you would do. What's the other option? I used the wax sheets. Yeah, there's... I used the wax sheets for about 30... All that could possibly do is just smear. No, no, no.

I did it until nothing came up. You had to have just been smearing. I promise you. How many wax did you use? I probably used four that I ripped into five mini sheets, so about 20 wax strips. And then I upright walked to the next one and still went to town with regular toilet paper. But all that toilet paper did nothing.

I'd done a sufficient job with the wax sheet. Your butt crack has a wax protection layer on it now. You're a waterproof asshole. It's like a laminated textbook. Does anyone use those wax sheets? For like cooking? I don't even know what he's talking about. Like shitting at the airport? No, yeah, the thing you put on the table.

Oh, those things. I never know how to rip them. I always end up like, I never. So there is, yeah, because you have to rip out the middle. But like the only time I shit in airports is sprinting to bathroom emergency. Oh, yeah. But that's, I still use the sheet. And it always, like,

it takes, like, four of them to get it set properly. I vomited at the airport last time I was there. What the hell? Migraine? A lot more stressful than pooping. Yeah. It sounds like it. We're at what airport?

Phoenix. What the fuck? Yeah. We were coming back from the Arizona Bowl, and I had gotten a migraine from the game, and I drove to Phoenix, and I was walking Casey and Katie in, and I saw a bathroom off to the side. What do you mean you were walking them in? You were just walking with them?

I was making sure they got in. And then I saw a bathroom, and I said, hold on, and I walked in, and I didn't even know I had to throw up, and I just threw up. And then the migraine was gone. That's nice. I actually had this thought the other day. You know how most public restrooms, they'll have the toilet seat, and the seat doesn't essentially connect in the front, so it's just the barrier.

Sure, sure. Do you guys wipe that part down or no? I do. Before or after you leave? Before. You wipe the part you don't touch down? Your dick might touch it. You wipe down the divot. Your dick's not going to? Before. The part you don't touch. You wipe the part you don't touch down? Your dick might touch it. You wipe down the divot.

Your dick's not going to touch that. You've got to be really loose with your dick. No, no, like the front. I know exactly where the porcelain part. That's the part that I feel like. But that's straight out for me. Do you shit hard? What?

I know you're talking about. Well, I mean,'re talking about, bro. Well, I mean, you tuck it in there. Wait, what? You want to make sure that... Don't you flip it over your leg? No, you tuck it. What? What?

I don't have enough dick to flip anything. Flip it over your leg? What the hell are you talking about? You just let it dangle? You have to because you post it. What about backsplash? That's not a concern. I'm not worried about that getting on the tip of your deal.

It doesn't really happen. Flip it over your leg? You thought that's what men are doing? I don't know. You thought we were flipping it over your leg? Throwing it over their shoulder like a continental soldier? I wouldn't let all that shit dangle in the toilet. I wouldn't let that.

It's not like touching the water. The water is further away than the penis can reach. Dude, the guy from White Lotus wouldn't have it touching the water. We've talked about this on here before. Special long toilets for guys with long dick and balls. Why did you think there was a throw over the water? Because just in general, I don't even like sitting on a regular toilet. I don't like how close my butt is to the water.

I wouldn't want, if I had a dick and balls. Not that close. My butt could not be further away from the water. I don't know. That is resting on the toilet. I always squat. I always, I squat. It's a koozie.

You get in it. You fold into it. You're laughing at me, but he thinks his is going to rest on the porcelain. No, it's not. You tuck it in. I'm facing down. Or like the outside of dick hit the inside of the porcelain. Not that it's going to sit on top of it, but it's going to hit the inside of it like this.

Not necessarily like hit. I just feel like there's a high chance like either my dick or some piss is going to like. I don't know. I wipe that part down. Do you guys do that or no? It's a caution. It's a mess. You have a pointy dick.

Does your dick just always face that way? It's cylindric. Look who it is. Ah, I don't know who it is. Is that the guy we're talking about? Look who came walking on by. Luke, what's up, brother? Luke, what's up?

You are summoned. Have a seat. Hello, Brandon. Hello, how are you? Yeah, I know. Oh, they've met a lot. Good to see you. Did you guys see, we were talking about dicks.

Did you see the guy celebrating the Eagles win? He had his penis out? Yeah, but it was an all-time small pee-pee. It was awesome. Oh, no. All-time little winky. Hey. Compton level?

It was smaller than Compton's. But he was fully naked and just swinging it. Not swinging it, but it was like, it didn't look good. I didn't see the... Well, I'm looking for it right now, but... Where'd you see it? Twitter. People were clowning him, but...

You can't just have raw dicks on Twitter? Oh, Twitter. Twitter is a pornographic website. I just missed it. We all follow porn stars on there, right? Because... I don't. Whoever we've interviewed and stuff,

like when I was on Out and About, we interviewed, and so I follow them, and so you're scrolling, and it's like, Barstool people, Barstool people, Brandy loves, oh... The girl that looked like Tommy that came in here

and Tommy tagged her on a tweet, I clicked on her. Her tagged tweet is just her asshole. Yeah. Her pinned tweet. All right, Mook, thanks for coming in, brother. No, no, no, Mook. I had a great time. No, what's up, bro?

You were worried that you were going to get summoned in here? That's why you would never... Yeah, I hate walking by this room, dude. Why? It gives me anxiety. I was trying to cut clips, put Spanish subtitles on anus clips, do my thing, you know? I feel you, but...

You're here now. I'm here now. Yeah, I feel like your fear just made it way worse for you that now that that was revealed, you got called in. Yeah, I just went into the bathroom and threw up a little bit. Did you? I had to check if my hair was still red, you know what I mean? Why are you still wearing your coat?

I had to put it on a fit for the act. Hell yeah. Put the coat back on. I need to be exposed. Oh, shit, I got to hop into the act. Slip into something warmer. There's a few red guys in the office. Oh, yeah.

Caroline called me a redhead yesterday. What? No. I mean, well, rank the redheads around here. Rank the redheads around these parts. I got to shout out my boy, Connor Griffin. He puts on for the team. See Griffey?

Oh, can I just shout out Connor Griffin? Because I don't know if he did it all. But maybe you, I don't know who did it. But the intro to the case race, all time. He voiceovered it. The graphics department did the. Okay. Well, whoever had worked on it was incredible.

Did Moog's shout out to Connor Griffin remind you to shout-out Connor Griffin? I just want to give a shout-out to Connor Griffin. I thought he did a great job. Stealing his shout-out. I'm doing that independently. Connor Griffin is the number one beast redhead in the office, for sure. Wow. Wow.

I praise. He's a redhead. I feel like there's a little bond in there. I don't think he's a full redhead. I actually didn't even notice. You're a redhead. Yeah. There's no other thing you can be confused for.

People call Francis a redhead. He is. I think he is. Yeah, oh, he definitely is. Isn't Francis' hair like blonde? There's a little paleness to him. Francis is half ginger. Okay, he's half. He's half. He's a little blonde. Yes. But his dad's extremely ginger, if you know what I mean.

Number two, half Blattman. Half of Blattman is red. Blattman? Yeah, he's kind of red in the beard. Yeah, he is. My God, I guess he is. He's a very deep red, too. Yeah, so he's half.

Okay. I'm trying to think who else. Do we have any lady redheads here? O'Malley. That's a redhead. Oh, yeah, duh. That's a redhead. No way. What is it, then? Blonde. That's a redhead. Oh yeah, duh. That's a redhead. No way.

What is it then? Blonde. That's not a blonde. No, there's some red in there. There's more red than blonde. There's definitely more red. More brown than blonde too. It looks like a dirty blonde. The face, everything's red. He's got the demon in him for sure.

You got banned on TikTok for calling somebody a demon, right? I called someone a demon and an animal, and now I'm shadow banned. Really? Damn shame. Me and Andrew Tate, dude. That should happen, bro. In the good fight out there. That should happen, bro.

You just fight through the food. I want one of those meatballs. Eat the meatball, Brandon. Stop playing around. Give us a little ASMR. People get mad when we eat on here. Can you put the whole meatball in your mouth? Do you think you can fit it?

Yeah, you just got to disguise you eating lunch as a food challenge. Right, right. Let's do a meatball race. I bet you can't. I bet you can't put the whole thing in there. These are too big. I can't put these. Oh, come on.

I got distracted. I was looking for that tiny fucking dick. Oh, yeah. I went to look for it. And TJ, who made the graphic? Do you know who made the opening graphic? I just want to give them their just due. Will Sparks led the charge on it.

It was the whole graphics team. The whole team made it? It took them a month, and it almost got canceled because we decided to switch the teams around with like a week and a half to go. Oopsies. Shout out to Will Sparks and the graphics team. We're making their lives hell out here.

It'll be swift to keep up with the yak. We've changed it all the time. On a whim, bro. We don't consider anybody else when we change our shit. Whatever we think about in here, that's what goes. Hell yes. Give a fuck. That's a redhead.

Really? Oh, yeah. Very redhead. Incredibly red. I could feel him when he walked by. I know. Wait, I thought that was you. You got clones walking by? Dude, he's been cutting clips for us, too.

Delegating clips. Delegating clips to this boy. Yeah, he's super redhead. There's one more. That's very red. Straight red? Gardini? Oh, Keegs. Oh, yeah. Kelly Ke very red. Straight red? Gardini? Oh, Keegs.

Oh, yeah, Keegs. Keegs. Is she? She more has red hair. Not even like... Yeah. It's like a redhead, and then she has intentionally red hair. Reddish hair.

So when I was very new here, I still am, but when I was very new, Keegs came into the office. I was with Owen. Shout out to the boy. And I see Ke Keegs and she's like talking to people. She's like, yeah, I just got my hair dyed. And I look at her and I'm like, welcome to the club. And I didn't realize that she was a redhead before. Oh, what a bad first impression. She was telling all the girls about that, actually. What the fuck? What the fuck does that mean? Ilappy on the fucking face. What the fuck? Yeah. What the fuck does that mean?

Yeah. I don't even fucking know you. Should we get her in here? Should we get her in here to berate you? Who are some people that you haven't met? How long have you been here? Like full time I guess

like October-ish. We hadn't met though. You dapped me up one time. You were in the middle of a GeoGuessr state game one of those things so you were locked in. Okay. Alright. I dapped me up one time. You were in the middle of a GeoGuessr state game, one of those things, so you were locked in. I dapped you up. Somebody on Twitter has tagged me in the tiny dick pic.

No, everybody's going to tweet you Compton pics now, right? Or just any tiny dick content. Got it. Thank you, Twitter. Send it. Oh, boys. We can't look at it on the Twitter. Send it. Oh, boys. Oh, it's...

We can't look at it on the screen. Pass it around. It'll be like Pat's nut. We'll just all get our reactions to it. And this was like near... I hope I think it's tiny. ...Center City and the parade afterwards. It is tiny.

I hope it comes across as tiny to me. Speaking... Oh! What? Oh, no. Yeah, it's got rocks. Is it micro? Is it a micro penis? He's breaking this down? Yeah, he's standing up on. Yeah, this guy rocks. Is it micro? Is it a micro penis?

He's standing up on top of a bus stop. He makes the Statue of David look like Lexington Steel. Oh, my God. And I bet all the smaller guys were like, look at him up there. Good. Yeah. Micro penis? You should be a...

Oh, wow. I mean, look how much you're squinting. Yeah. Look how hard you have to concentrate. That's the bottom line of an eye chart. That ain't no E. That ain't no E. Are the nuts tiny? Everything's tiny, huh?

It's a micro penis. Oh. I love him because he didn't care. Right. Eagle's one. I'm getting naked. Go birds. Go birds.

I mean, I think we've talked about this before. It's better to get it out there than to have someone discover it. You have to own it. You gotta own it. Go birds. I think we've talked about this before. It's better to get it out there than to have someone discover it. You have to own it. You gotta own it. Probably got some quarter pussy that night. You probably got the door to some pussy. You don't get the full pussy when you have a dick that size. Probably got to the

precipice of some pussy that night. Just knocking on the door. I totally got some cubes last night. Yeah, you got to the root of the bush. Got a ton of bush last night. I got one third of pussy last night. It was crazy. They say that's all they can feel anyway.

Why did he do that I think he's a hero I think he's probably it's probably been really funny before that can't be the first time he did it absolutely not there was a reverse photo from his perspective looking down

at the crowd I love how it's also like a 4K photo. Yeah, it's clear. Someone had a full-on DSLR camera. Yeah, there ain't no missing. There ain't no photo trickery going on. But like, yeah, I'm not giving myself up. If I had a tiny dick like that, I think I would want it to be on my own terms rather than getting pantsed.

A hundred percent. Or just like, yeah, getting into that situation and feeling comfortable or uncomfortable like you have to explain yourself or something like that. Sorry, my dick's so small. Because then a lady says, but you know what? That's a guy with confidence. A hundred percent. That guy.

I don't know. The confidence overrides the tininess of the penis. He just needs to find a real ticklish girl. Right, yeah. I think he has big dick energy, too. For sure. He's standing a must. He's climbing a fucking...

I feel bad. Maybe he was blacked out, and he's like, at least I can distract myself with my favorite show, The Yak. I mean, it's making its route. Like, every all-Philly Eagles. There could be another dick. We also haven't shown this picture, so it could be anybody. Yeah, if you think it's you, it's probably you.

It might not be you. There might be a gang of boys that were out. Dude, that was probably one of my boys, dude. It was probably one of my guys. Group chat. Were you there? Dude, it was the lamest thing ever. I tailgated too hard, fell asleep at the end of the game,

and did not rush Broad Street. That's all right. You got one more game. Yeah, we'll be back. Yeah, one more game. We'll be back. Damn. I did too many whippets at the tailgate.

No, you didn't. Is that true? You actually did? Some helium balloons, yeah. No, you didn't. Ice cold fatties. Yeah, the big-ass balloon you put in your mouth and, I don't know, you just womp out. Womp out.

Womp, womp, womp, womp, womp. Is it fun to womp out? I've never done a whippet. I've never womped out. It sounds awful. It sounds horrible. I've heard that you just get, like, hot. No, it's very fun.

Oh, it's very fun, yeah. Hoppers make you good time. Oh, yeah. Whippets make you... Thank you for a little bit of this. Brain cell loss to high, though, isn't it? Destroy your brain. Yeah.

Destroy your brain. Bro, so does the fucking idiot box, bro. So does those video games you've been playing, brother. So does that alcohol you've been drinking. Played cell phone in your face the whole day. Or just Twitter. You haven't played video games in two days? Played for probably 72 hours this weekend, and I physically cannot play anymore.

You felt bad? Terrible. Yeah. 72 hours this weekend and I physically cannot play. You felt bad? I felt terrible. Yeah. It is funny how sitting in your apartment makes you feel so shitty. Yeah. My eyes were like dark red.

That's why you needed a dog to just fucking walk you, bro. You just need a dog to make you go outside intermittently. She's good, but it's been good for me to have to walk her

and just not get off my ace. You haven't sent any pictures to the YAC group chat. They did. Well, the first night, yeah, one. I'll throw one in there right now. Please do it. You weren't here yesterday. Birds are in the Super Bowl.

Yo, how crazy is that? Yeah, it's pretty good. Isn't that kind of awesome? I'm sure it is. I'm sure it would be awesome for your team. I've been crafting my bet. I'm trying to do a big bet. How about just on the Eagles?

I don't think I'm going to take any money. Bro, bro, bro. Just bet on the Eagles. Bro. It's too risky. No, it's not. You putting together an 18-leg parlay is too risky. Bro.

I put like $4 on that. I just want to say bro like you did. I like it. You sounded good. It got my attention. It did get my attention too. My dad sent me a parlay he did last week. Oh man, did I delete it?

I think I deleted it. No. Why would you delete it? That's so weird. It was so bad. You're like, I need this off my head. Nine legs, same game parlay. It was plus 494,023. He said, I feel good about this one.

No, you don't. Damn. Why did he do that? Yeah, it hit. No, it didn't. He put two grand on it. No, it didn't. This is my last day on the app.

Yep, see ya. Damn. You think if you hit a big one like that, This is my last day on the app. Yep, see ya. Yeah. You think if you hit a big one like that, you'd step back from the content game? 2,000? No, because I would end up probably just putting all of that money on something else. Sass put a $1 trillion bet on heads.

Let's talk about NASCAR. Let's talk about NASCAR Let's talk about NASCAR I want to talk a little bit About NASCAR Who's your favorite driver? Frankie Muniz Oh yeah Malcolm in the Middle

Is driving now He's driving now Really? I swear to God yes In NASCAR? Yes Yeah That's like a brand new thing

I think he's good He's not at the Like this level yet But he is beginning his career. He's making his way. I'm an Alex Bowman guy. How old is he to beginning his career? How do you get into NASCAR?

You have to hop the little smaller... You start in the cart scene. Your dad is a driver. Your dad loves cars or something like that. Imagine going to your parents in high school and being like, I think I want to try NASCAR. Yeah. I think it's like something you're in your blood.

Can you please just do soccer? No. I want to do NASCAR. I'm trying out. I need $4 million. I need a sponsorship from Sunoco to drive this thing. Call Home Depot. But the Bush Light Clash at the Coliseum returns to L.A. on Sunday, February 5th at 5 p.m.

More than 20 of the best NASCAR Cup Series drivers will compete on a quarter-mile track, purpose-built in less than 50 days. Kicking off NASCAR's 75th season, the Clash features a pre-race concert by, and if you listened to Pick Central yesterday, you know these two people. Can anybody guess who's playing at this? I think I said it on the show yesterday. Can you all still guess? Cypress Hill.

And? I was a guessing lady. Race break performance from? Black and yellow, black and yellow, black and yellow. It doesn't do anything for Kate. I have Steelers. Pittsburgh Steelers will be performing at the halftime. Yeah.

With Jersey Jerry. No, Wiz Khalifa will be there. So you won't tell if it's smoke from the tires or from the man himself. Tune into The Clash on February 5th at 8 o'clock p.m. Eastern for a little bit of NASCAR in your life. Why not?

I think it's going to be awesome. I do want to know how they landed on Cypress Hill. I think I know how. I think they're trying to expand demographics and I think it was probably like some older dudes who were like

you know what the black kids like Cypress Hill Cypress Hill yeah Cypress Hill what is it what is there so

Insane in the Membrane what else are they that was their first one it was she keeps her pets it had fuck they had a great album

I think it's one of those things where if I heard I'd be like oh yeah of course I could just kill a man we're gonna if I heard it, I'd be like, oh yeah, of course. I could just kill a man? We're going to be out of the week. I can feel it. Farsight?

No, no. I could just kill a man. It's Rage Against the Machine. Oh, I think a lot of people have said it. Probably. I could just kill a man. Have something like that. I could just kill a man.

God damn it. Okay. That song's good. I used to listen to that song. You could find out what the song is when you watch the NASCAR race. Right? Yes, you can. That's right.

Their live performance, which will be dope as hell. Shout out to B-Real, Sendog, and Eric Bobo. And Wiz Khalifa. NASCAR Twitter will be interesting to monitor when that happens, when Cypress Hill happens. I bet they like it. NASCAR fans are cool as hell. Talladega was still one of the

craziest, best. I have to go back someday. Going to a race is amazing. Hits from the bong. That was one of theirs. What were you about to say? Going to a race, what? Going to a race is amazing. It's so fun. Never been, but I'd love to check it out. It's a fucking event. It's fun. I haven't gone to NASCAR, but I went to

that E-Prix in Brooklyn. That was fun as fuck. What do they call the center, the pit, where you tailgate all day? You go to one, you got to go to Talladega. It's highly recommended. You're in the middle of the track and you're just partying? Talladega has a specific row called Something Street where we got an RV. And it was... I was doing shots out of some 500-pound man's belly button.

I was up on stage flinging my top. I had a tank top on underneath, but I tried to get it back like a nerd. I was like, did anyone see that flannel? Excuse me. Come on. Hell yeah. You know what else is fun? I never went to this, but I only heard stories.

They slowed it down or shut it down in infield of the preakness oh horse race where like they used to do the running of on top of the um the porta potties and people would like launch full beers at you and people just sprint yeah i've seen videos of that can we watch a video of that i feel like those were a bird that used to be a massive like barstool sports content day when people would just be sprinting across the roost of these porta-potties. Because it's not like it's flat. I think it was like... And they have some give. People, you always fall through.

People get hurt badly. I think that's why they had to slow down the drinking or shut it down. They were trying to have no alcohol. But it was like a big, like, if you went to Loyola, Maryland or whatever, you'd go there and get shit-wrecked. Lots of people drink liquor all day, too. That's what is that? The juleps or whatever that they're drinking?

Juleps is a minced julep. Okay. Oh, yeah. They're heaving. Wait, this guy is at a horse race? Yeah. There's full beer. Every single one of those is roaned with a Gatling gun.

And they're all peeing. Look at him still going. That's a man right there. Imagine how hard someone had to have thrown a beer for it to travel 30 feet and still knock you over when it hit you. Imagine how wet the tops already are. Oh, these are guys being dude. Not going fast enough, buddy.

Imagine being on the other side. This is tradition. This is what you fought for. Yeah, this is. If tomorrow all the things I've done I've fought for all my life. This is a thing. Oh, it's amazing.

Made it. I will say, if you're a guy who makes it all the way across, you're probably getting ladies. Yes. And then you whip out your really small dick. Is that a gap? They got to jump the gap? No way.

That guy's like Oh no! That was like speed. That could have been real bad. Air foot two. What the hell? Oh so they separated

these to try and make it harder? Like American Ninja Warrior. What the hell? Oh, so they separated these to try and make it harder? Yeah. Oh. Like American Ninja Warrior. Send it down to Guy LaDouche. Oh. It's like it's a pretty...

That's what you are now. ...often kill his chins. The fact that they're barefoot, like, that shit looks so much more painful and less stable. Oh. I like that none of the staff moved. Should we worry that you just go through? Yeah. Yeah?

Yeah, I don't think the roofs of those are really stable. Strong. What a tradition. Crazy that there's just an economy of dudes who drive up to porta-potties multiple days during a festival and just put in the biggest tube you've ever seen and it just sucks the shit out of one porta-potty after another.

And that's your job. It's like the Maf there's four main port-a-potty families in new york city that control the port-a-potty contracts and they're like it's straight there's this long form article about them and they beef with each other they sabotage each other's port-a-potties and the women who go out to the construction sites for contracts are like boinking. And they really, it's a whole, there's like sabotage and affairs and whatever. But there's like the four port-a-potty families of me. No way. Google it. I have read an article about every goddamn thing.

About everything. I know. It's good. Oh, it sounds awesome. That's very helpful. I go to longreads.com on the train. And they have great long form. They like aggregate the best long reads of the week. And so that's my train ride. That's what helpful. I go to longreads.com on the train, and they have great long form. They aggregate the best long reads of the week, and so that's my train ride.

That's what I do. Hell yeah. I always forget my headphones. On our MOOC, we've got to send you on the scene. I want you to run across the porta-potties. Dude, I'm afraid of porta-potties. Because you're on top of them. You're not in them.

But traumatic experience as a kid, I was pushed over in one. No. As a kid? How old were you? Like 11. Oh, damn. Set the kid? How old were you? Like 11. Oh, damn. Is that the scene? It's classic.

They had 11-year-olds or adults? No, definitely not adults, Brandon. Come on. Was that a soccer game and the rival parents pushed me over?

Let's teach that red tween a lesson. Wait, what happened? I was just with the boys at the park. I had to unload in the porta potty and started shaking it. I started shaking it and it trampled over.

Those walls collapsed. Oh, and there's just shit flying everywhere. Mine wasn't like full full, but it was enough to where like. Poop got on you? Dramatic. Or like the blue stuff got on you. Mainly blue stuff. But that's piss.

That's piss diluted. You know what I mean? There's piss in the blue stuff. There's still bottles. Shit in the blue stuff got on you. Mainly blue stuff. But that's piss diluted. You know what I mean? There's piss in the blue stuff. There's still bottles in the blue stuff too. No, it's not good. I would love to run across one though. That would be fun. That was the worst jackass scene I think for me

when Steve-O got strapped into the port-a-potty between like, there were two bungee cords that launched it. That was like the one that made me the most like sick and physically ill. Because there was actual poop. Piss and poop in that. it. That was like the one that made me the most like sick and physically ill. Because there was actual poop. Piss and poop in that.

Yeah. The one that made me the most ill was when he puts the and the snake like bites his dick. That was bad. That was bad.

Most recent jackass was really dick heavy. Yeah. Yeah. Because that's all you can do like you can't that's all you can do these days

with fucking cancel culture is like put your penis in a... It's so fucked. You can't use the dick anymore. No, you gotta just mutilate it. Yeah, you have to mutilate it. That's what they want. That's the only way you can get uncanceled.

That's what Andrew from Channel 5 does these days. He just did a public dick mutilation. He's like, alright, you're good. Cancel culture hates the dick. I mean. Kind of. Kind of.

It's the cause and solution to all problems. The penis. Poor bastards. I forgot to announce this earlier. If we get 2K likes in the stream, I will announce my pick today. It's at plus money right now. What's our like situation right now?

420 weed number. Okay, so we got to get to 2K likes for Steven to drop his pick. Plus money. It's so easy just to like the stream. That's all you got to fucking do. Also, I have my Invisaligns. They're soaking and rubbing alcohol.

I don't know if that's good or bad. Oh, I forgot. So we're going to do this today? No, Big Cat wanted to be back. I'm going to save them, but just know they're here. They're soaking. If you knew what we were going to do today, why don't you go ahead and bring them? She's showing that she's soaking.

I'm just soaking. Just getting them ready. Hey, that's so gross. Rowan, how was Arizona? The gambling competition was a smashing success. This was the championship, wasn't it? This was the final of our time out there, and it was fantastic. It was just the culmination of a year of hard work

and really just good content for Penn and for Barstool Sportsbook. If you haven't downloaded it, I mean, you really should. I think that it's going to be bigger and better next year. We're going to be going to all these properties. Gambling is going to be live in more states. It's live in Massachusetts now? Today. What the hell?

Wowza. That's so awesome. I feel like that could be big for Barstool Sports. I feel like it should. With its roots in Massachusetts and everything. Can you do it mobile on the phone? I think that's for a couple weeks, so I think it's just in the casinos. It's in the casinos.

Really? Is that what it is? Yeah. I thought it was already legal in the casinos. Well, I mean gambling was legal in the casinos. But I thought sports betting got passed in Massachusetts. It got passed. And so it's going to be legal, but barstool specifically.

Oh, okay. I see. We're in that bitch now. Nick, this is a different thing, but you know yesterday you said happy birthday to Big Cat, but you didn't say shit about Riggs' birthday. Oh, no. I had dinner with him. How was it?

It was good. I'm tired. Is that where he was? Because he wasn't in Arizona. No, we were in Arizona. We ate. I'm tired of fucking... Is that where he was? Because he wasn't in Arizona. No, we were in Arizona. We ate. I flew out to Arizona last night.

He said he couldn't come, but he said he had another oblo. Actually, you know who's been trying to get in touch with Riggs? Ruiz. Ruiz? Why? Ruiz wants in on the North Carolina golf whatever. Ruiz is fake. Is he a North Carolinian?

No, he's not. He went to Delaware. He's not fake. Big nuts are fake. He doesn't have a big nutian no he's not he went to Delaware he's not fake big nuts are fake he doesn't have a big nut and he also didn't go to prison he didn't go to prison but he has a look text from

your entire presentation about Ruiz was that he was in prison no he was oh that was fake in a prism oh that's what it was a geo prism

oh he's in a prism he was in a prism that He was in a prism. That was on us. We mixed it up. He's living on the Floyd album cover. He wants to go to the Barstool Classic at the Palisades in Charlotte. So, Riggsie boy, I know you're watching. I'm going to be hitting you up about getting my boy Ruiz in there.

Double dip then because my boy Zach asked me about the one in the Greenbrier. Okay, so yeah, let's get everybody in there. Let's get Zach in there. I wonder if Ruiz could get in a foursome with Pat. Whoa. That would be nuts. That would reinforce the golf cart. It would be something.

It would be dragging behind. It would be like the foursome's car. We know Pat's nuts big. The jury's out on Ruiz's nuts. There's no way Ruiz is a big nut. Wait, so look at the message, the first one. He said, what's going on, Roan? This is from last year, but he said, just saw this pop up, made me smile.

A long way from the nut off at UD that one night amongst other absurd nights. So why would he be talking about the nut off if he didn't have crazy nuts? What's UD? University of Delaware, where I just said he went, which confirms that he is a real person. I don't know that that's what that said. I think he could have said anything. You just is a real person. I don't know that that's what that said. I think you... It could have said anything.

You just held your phone up and... No, no, I believe him. You couldn't just think of that off the dome. That's exactly what it says. Aye, aye, aye. What? Boy got cartooned. Damn.

Boy got cartooned. Aye, aye, aye. Can't come back from getting cartooned. Damn. Boy got cartooned. Hey, hey, hey. Can't come back from getting cartooned. Yeah, that shit is fucking tough to come back from. Since when? What? That's me again. Yeah.

What? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's traipsing around here with the general. He's got the skinny jeans on today. Who does? Jerry. Jerry got out the fucking mud. I couldn't believe,

I'm sure you guys talked about it yesterday, but the fact that he dropped his grandma. Yeah. Yeah. But the urn didn't even break.

She just like poured out the top. Yeah, just like an Alka-Seltzer and a Coca-Cola. She exploded out the top.

Did you get your root beer float? No, I didn't. You fucking pussy. Nah. Are you guys getting root beer float? Can we put it on the wheel?

Can we make it a slice on the wheel? Let's just add it for everybody gets root beer float. Let's replace dry with root beer float. Let's replace wet. All of them? If it lands on dry, we just It'll probably land on fucking wet. I want to go ahead and spin it.

Before we do that, we have a wheel sponsor. Yeah, and this is a big one. Yeah, we're teaming up with our friends from TaylorMade to celebrate the launch of Stealth II by giving away two prizes to two different followers. Prizes include a grand prize of a Stealth II driver and Stealth II hybrid or one Stealth II fairway wood of your choice.

Now through March 1st, go to TaylorMadeGolf.com slash BarstoolSweeps to enter and celebrate the launch to combine the elements of distance and forgiveness to unlock fargiveness. Ah. Head over to TaylorMade.com slash BarstoolSweeps right now for your chance to win and make this golf season better by filling your bag with the best. Of course, that's TaylorMade. So TaylorMade sponsoring the wheel.

Ooh, I cannot wait to go out and hit the links like Ganondorf. Oh, my God. Yeah, from TaylorGang to TaylorMade, dude. It's a fucking... I saw the whole crew was just out in California in Carlsbad going through their main compound and stuff, which is awesome. What's in Carlsbad? It's the TaylorMade. TaylorMade made HQ really?

He's still have a notion side right now there. No big deal I saw my one the other day mm-hmm and then he was at the barstool bar the next day after that He's been winning like he doesn't like me Well, I didn't I didn't go say hi to him. I've seen how mean he is to people online, dude I don't want any parts of that in person. Call me Little Dicky Stunt Double. Why would Little Dicky need a stunt double? Goofball? That is a really cool sweeps, though.

This is the only time we're going to do that read this month. And I think they're doing it on March 1st, you said? Yep. So two people are going to win that. I mean, the Celtic Fairway World is a monster prize. A monster prize. As a golf guy, if you could speak, the South 2 Fairway Wood is a monster prize. A monster prize. As a golf guy, if you could speak to this a little bit, this is a monster prize. Monster.

I couldn't have said it better myself. Do the Godzilla roar from Godzilla 2000 to show how much of a monster. I've never seen Godzilla 2000. I've never seen it. Should we watch it? Broderick? I can do it. Broderick wasn't in Godzilla 2000.

He was just in Godzilla. I thought he was in Godzilla,derick wasn't in Godzilla 2000. He was just in Godzilla. I thought he was in Godzilla, the one that came out in 2000. He was in the one that came out in 98, right? I can do a good impression from that movie. Yeah, can you do that? What is the impression? Just an Asian guy? It's an Asian guy when he gets a...

What impression? He's in the hospital, and they ask him what he's seen. I think they hold a lighter up right next to him and be like, What did you see? All right, so that's the scene. He's in a hospital bed just recovered from consciousness they ask him what did he see i've done this for about two two decades i'm waking up out of a coma what did you see Is there a racist? I think so.

If you've seen the scene, it's a pretty good impression. Is there any chance, TJ, that we could see the scene? Just to know, just to compare it. It's a short scene. I believe Che, and that's how I want to remember it. I don't even want to see it. You've got the greatest performance a little bit. I want to remember it I don't even want to see it You got the greatest performance a little bit I want to see it

That's the roar Oh awesome How would you make that noise That sounded like fucking steel beams melting Yeah What the fuck Oh I need to find that scene Since

Since TaylorMade did go ahead and sponsor the wheel, we should probably spin the wheel. Oh, yeah. We can take a swing at it. Hello. Let's tee that wheel up. Art Eliminator's back? Yeah.

We're good. That's a bone. I think that's a root beer Bye. That's a bone. A root beer float? I think that's a root beer float. I think it is. A root beer float on that? That's funny. If we had added a root beer float, it would have been in that spot, too.

Wait, I still have all the little fish bowls that we never use for the tank race. Should I run downstairs and get stuff for root beer float and make them in the fish bowls? Or are you just going to go buy a bunch of ice cream and root beer? Brandon, why are you so perplexed? Where the hell are you going to get ice cream and root beer in New York City? In what world? How does that even make sense? Well, you guys say the word.

I don't want to drag out the show. What's the word? Do you want me to go get root beer? What's that? Because the order I'm already made, though. Oh, I guess. No? I don't know how well they travel.

I don't. I'm flummoxed by the root beer float. I'll just go ahead and say it. Flummoxed. You guys think that the Eagles are going to win the Super Bowl? I do not. People are saying by multiple possessions, but I think it'll be very close. Stephen Chase said double digits.

I think the Eagles win by 10 plus. I don't like... Double digits. I like you. I don't like you saying that. But only because of the record. If it makes you feel better, I believe the Chiefs are going to win. No, that doesn't make me feel better either.

People are underestimating the Chiefs for some reason. They got the best quarterback maybe in the history of the game. Roan, I love you to death, but the Eagles really haven't shown me anything in these playoffs. You're calling Patrick Mahomes the best quarterback in the history of the game, but yesterday on Pick Central when Smitty said that the Eagles had the best offensive line in the history of the game, you literally ripped off your shirt and started whipping him across the face with it? I enjoy doing that, first of all.

Secondly, he isn't the greatest in the history of the game yet, but he is in the middle of a run that could turn into one of the all-time greats, one of the very tippy-top all-time greats. Guys like that win Super Bowls. You're saying that if he does crazy things going forward, he might be in the conversation? Like he's had Russell Wilson's career so far. The same beginning of their career.

The exact same beginning of their career. And they've won one, lost one, right? Russell Wilson never won an MVP. But I'm saying he won a Super Bowl, was very ballyhooed early on. He never put up the numbers Mahomes put up either. Yeah. Patrick Mahomes is great, but I think that

you don't like the Eagles. I think there's a little bit of an element of that, and we all really like Why do you think that? Because of the way you talk about them on Pick Central. I'm just talking about this game i picked the eagles to beat the niners easily i just think i don't know it just seemed like you were being mean to my boy smitty yesterday that he has been the worst version of himself the last two days because we don't know how to fucking he has come in here and he don't know how to come on you won't pick central he's been the

worst version of himself he's been on a heater he's been killing it yeah he's been killing it he just was sticking up for himself he came in today looked me dead in the eye and said i got a stat and then and then as soon as he says i'm like that's the worst stat i've ever heard when katie stats does research you give her a job but smitty does a little bit of research she doesn't come poke a finger in my chest and say i got a stat and then give me a stat that makes the Eagles look better. But he wasn't lying to you. He had a stat. He had a stat, and it was terrible.

It did not make sense. How can a stat be good or bad? It's just a stat. It came in. Do you know what the stat was? Yes. Well, he came in saying, I got something that proves how good the Eagles are and said there's three teams in the history of the league

that have the best records against winning teams. It's the 69 Vikings, the 2007 Patriots, and the 2022 Eagles. I said, Smitty, neither of those first two teams won the Super Bowl. Then they're due. I just don't give a fuck about how easy it was to get to the Super Bowl. I want it to be easy. I wanted it by midway through the second quarter. I knew we were going to the Super Bowl, and I was happy was happy and i was relieved already people are carrying over that ease to me

they're carrying over that ease to say it's also going to be like that against uh kansas city kansas city is just as good as philadelphia but everybody thought that it was going to be way harder against the giants and way harder against the 49ers than it was so there is a little bit of proof that they've exceeded expectations but the Niners are an incomplete grade. We don't know how hard it would have been against the Niners if the Niners were not going to win. It was still the Niners' defense, and they got four rushing touchdowns, which is impressive.

They only had 250 total yards. It was just circumstance led to those 31 points. Josh Johnson gave them a touchdown at the end of the half. Eagles are good. Eagles are good. Chiefs are just as good is what I'm trying to say. So it should be a coin flip for you then instead of you saying definitely the Eagles.

In a coin flip, I take the better quarterback. Interesting. Well, I hope that – I hope you're wrong, and I hope I could convince you over the next two weeks to root for the Eagles. Have you put in any bets yet? I'm not. Okay. I'll do it soon.

Okay, so I'm going to work on you. I'm going to see if I can lose you. You can have until Friday of this week. Would a kiss on the lips help? A little. I mean, it wouldn't hurt. Ron, I don't want a kiss on the lips. Not yet.

Not yet. Let's do that Friday. Now, Ron. I'm putting in the bets until then. Will you be going to the Super Bowl? I don't know. What do you want to do? Super Bowl?

What do you mean? What do I want? I'm not an Eagles fan. Well, do you want to do? Super Bowl? What do you mean? What do I want? I'm not an Eagles fan. Well, do you want to do Man on the Street in Philly? No. Why not? What? Because I don't think the one you did was so legendary. I do. I want to see that penis

in person. Oh, you should go do Hunt the Hunt for that penis. I might go on the Hunt for that penis. That would be a good-ass video. If you're out there, if you know the guy, have him DM me platonically. Okay. I might go on the hunt for that penis. That would be a good-ass video. If you're out there, if you know the guy, have him DM me platonically. No, I think you need to do investigative research and go hunt down the dick. And I hope you get catfished.

You think you find him and then he pulls it out. It's huge. Hunter, is this our first big mission down in Memphis? I'll find a cock with you first. Okay. Because Dunphy's already

looking for the dick. You know Dunphy, the guy who has the crazy tattoos all over his chest, the Philly fan? He already put out an Instagram today where he's looking for the dick. Wait, what? He's looking for the same dick. Oh, it's a hunt for fucking that tiny cock. To befriend him?

To be like, yo, bud. Well, he was getting flamed. Afterwards, he had to pause himself because he's like, yo, whoever has that dick, call me. Whoever that dick belongs to, call me. So it's like an arms race. It's like when Joe Rogan said there was like tusks in the Hudson or whatever, and everybody was, I think it's very similar,

a gold rush for that tiny, tiny penis. Buddy, hit us up. I want to know all about you. No, we got to actively find him. Yeah, I think the hunt is what you do. It's like someone, if you know him, hit us up. What are we going to do when we find the dick?

I think you need to go to bars and see if there's a really high piss mark on the urinal and say, this was Hammond. Shit. He was here.

He was here just a few long ago. This is him. It's him. We're getting closer. It's still warm. Oh my God. I don't know. I would like to go to the game.

That would be really cool. It's tough to go to Arizona and spend that much time there, though. It's going to be a lot of time. It's a whole week you're there? Yes, I just got back. You're going to be there anyway. I just got back from Arizona. You're going to be there anyway.

I know, but it's just going to be like... If it means you'll go to the game, I would gladly go to Man on the Street in Philly. You would do that for me? Yes. You do owe me after I smoked you in the face with a fucking... You made me. Yeah. A sidearm Patty Mahomes fucking throw.

Sass, you think that during financial times of crisis people buy less underwear? No. No? All right. Why not? Good question. I? All right. Why not? Good question. I have no idea. I don't know.

I feel like people, I feel like it'd be like the last, it's like no one's seeing it, so like you can. I barely buy, I buy underwear when I need underwear. I just wait until Christmas every year. Yeah. Is wax and underwear the first to go as far as purchases? I think so, because no one's seeing your underwear.

You could tatter your underwear. You don't even have to pretend to be successful with your underwear. Is everybody here wearing underwear? Yes. Oh, yeah.

That's a crazy question. Just seeing if anybody's going through some tough times. Makes it seem like you're not. Every time I go to a store, I try to get a little pair of socks. A little one? Just a one-pack.

A nice little pair. I bought a pair yesterday. We went to the pin store yesterday. He bought one pair of socks. I had socks there. I one-pack. A nice little pair. I bought a pair yesterday. We went to the pen store yesterday. He bought one pair of socks. I had socks there. I got a pair. It's actually a good idea.

Yeah, so I just load up. Oh, those are good socks. Nobody ever buys one pair of socks. You buy them. They sold one pair. I was like, that's really convenient

because it's just one extra pair. What store did you go to? Uji. Uji, the pen store. Sock prices are outrageous. $250. I like those socks. Oh, I prices are outrageous. $250. I like those socks.

Oh, I thought you meant like $250. No. If you buy like a six pack of like Nike socks, it's like $40. Yeah, it's crazy. It's insane. I think these were like, these are Bombas. I think they were like $18. No, I bought a-

A single pair. I bought a six pack of Bombas. I think they were $80. It's insane. Bombas are awesome. They are the best socks. They have this different. You just got to go with the Hanes.

You think? Hanes socks. Plain white socks. Or these. The bright blue ones. Yeah. You have more than one pair or do you just go back to back? No, I have more than one pair.

These are my MeUndies socks. Oh, those are MeUndies. Oh, yeah. MeUndies has the funnest. Well, I'm wearing MeUndies undies. And that's why I started wondering about it this morning because I was like, damn, I haven't got a MeUndies pack yet. You know how they would just send you some shit,

bless you with something nice for your balls and dick? I think that for a while I haven't got one. And I was like, damn, are they pulling back on their advertising because underwear sales are down because there's a recession going down? Recession is good for alcohol sales, though, right? And gambling. And gambling goes up. Prices go up, undies go down.

I don't think undies go down. Yeah, this is a hypothesis of mine. I think undies probably stay in the small markets. I think undies would be the last thing that I would cut back on, to be honest. I'm cool wearing the same pair of pants for multiple days in a row. There's so many people that don't want to wear the same pair of underwear multiple days in a row. That's disgusting. I'm not saying wear it multiple days, but I'm saying if it's a little bit worn out,

you're not going to throw it out as readily because it's a splurge purchase because it's only for you. Undies have such a big corner of the gift market. That's just a gift that grandparents give you for Christmas. Not even close. That would make me uncomfortable. Maybe for guys. Undies have such a big corner of the gift market. That's just a gift that grandparents give you for Christmas. That would make me uncomfortable. It's not a big corner of the gift market. I would say out of clothing, they probably have the smallest corner.

Eight years old, brand new, I'm just open. I always knew it was a pack of underwear. Never. When you're a kid, maybe. I would probably get socks every Christmas. I have to ask for underwear. I get socks every Christmas. Really? I have to ask for underwear. It's not gift dick.

Just buy underwear. Dude, I got Fruit Loop underwear for my aunt this year. It was very weird. Fruit Loop or Fruit of the Loom? Fruit Loop. What the hell, Sam? Yeah, dude, it was strange. What the hell?

Is it dope? Are you wearing it? Not right now. Next time you wear it in, come on the act, bro. Was it like loose boxers? Because that's okay. Just one pair, yeah. Because if it was like tight ones, it would have been a little.

That was a Spencer gift. I'm a strictly loose boxer person. No way. Really? I am beyond uncomfortable wearing like tight boxers. Oh, I like them tight. I hate it. Why?

I just hate it. I go 50-50. Is it clear? Are boxer boxers like classic boxers? I'm wearing the tighter ones today, but I. Physically or look. Do you have boxer boxers? Like classic boxers? I'm wearing the tighter ones today. But I also. They just squeeze a burp out of you? Yeah.

But I also have loose ones too. Loose ones are just so much more comfortable for me. They don't ride up. Loose are better for shorts. You must have a tiny little dick that doesn't support. Were you in Philly recently? My dick does not support. It holds itself up.

It sticks straight out like a coat hook. I buy big balls. Like a little odd one. I got big old balls. Yeah, but wouldn't you need something to crater your balls up in your body then? Yeah, I wouldn't want them hanging. Maybe it's just like I've never worn. No, you want them hanging because of the temperature.

If they're just hanging, then they're. If you have nothing holding them up, they're just going to get lower and lower. That's fine by me. I don't give a fuck. That's better than having to wear tight boxers all the time. You're sweating through them. Having balls down to your shins is better than wearing boxer briefs. Yeah.

Yeah. When I do my laundry, when I'm I'm, like, waiting to do it, the boxer briefs are, like, the last, last option. Really? I'm like, I guess I have to wear these today. Because I bought them once. I think I bought them once. Oh, yeah, we bought them on the road in Minnesota.

Yeah. We went to the Gap together. I think I thought they weren't going to be briefs. I think I thought they were regular boxers, and they turned out to be briefs, and I was pissed. I wear, like, the compression, and then the dick to grundle is mesh. No way. Yes.

That's too much. You're doing too much. Dude, I got to be here, like, 3,200. You're doing way too much. The Blade Runner undies. Yeah, I take my pants off. People think I'm a cyborg. Isn't there, like, underwear where your, like, dick gets its own, like, compartment? I've never had that, but I've heard them spoken. Isn't there like underwear where your dick gets its own compartment?

I've never had that, but I've heard them spoken. That's what MeUndies is like. They have a dick compartment? No. I'm wearing them right now, bro. Bro, it's shelf. You walk around and your entire dick is like...

Oh, it's shelf, but I think there's like one, it might be sheath. What is it called? I don't think it's a dick shelf. I don't want that. I think it's cloistered off. I think it's like a cloister for your dick.

Like cubicles. Cloisters. Like a cloister. Kind of like a kangaroo's pouch. Have you ever looked in a kangaroo pouch? It's all bone in there. It's not soft. Is it? Yeah, it's all like sticky. It's gross. It has exposed bone. It's awful.

I thought it would be velveteen. Yeah, it's a cloister. It's comfortable, yeah. Looks like a pussy. Thatveteen. Yeah, it's a cloister. It's comfortable, yeah. Looks like a pussy. That's a cloister? Yeah, it evolves from shelter. What the hell? That's a tragic pussy. Sharp-ass clit.

Yeah. Every girl's crazy. Oh, my God. Should we talk about High Noon? Yeah, I think we should. Didn't we already talk about it? We haven't talked about it. We talked about NASCAR. We talked about TaylorMade.

We haven't talked about High Noon. It was crazy. At the Barstool Bar, they bring us a bucket of High Noon. Bro, on the strength, just for the fact that we work there and we're doing work there, they bring out all the High Noon flavors, and they had the panoply of flavors. Panoply? How do you say that word?

Well, I'm trying to say pineapple. Oh, yeah. And that's what I was drinking, bro. It was so good. I was seeking out the pineapple, and you know I'm a grapefruit guy. But now peach and pineapple both in the big cans. Oh, the 700 milliliter? Tall boys, yeah.

Tall boys. You mix one of those up, blend it all nice, have yourself a little bit of a cabana party. I had some adventures with High Noon. Oh, brother. High Noon takes you on an adventure every time, and it's one that's, you know, it'll just hold you snug in its arms like a kangaroo pouch. It's absolutely beautiful, only 100 calories, gluten-free, no added sugar, and no malt. Come on, Seth.

No malt. No malt. Come on, Seth. No malt. No malt. High Noon full-time flavors are pineapple, black cherry, watermelon, grapefruit, lime, peach, mango, passion fruit, lemon. And the limited edition flavors are pear and cranberry, a little seasonal flavor, in the tailgate pack, and kiwi and guava in the pool pack. If you're in Arizona, you might be in the pool. But if you're up in the north, cranberry is going to be a tasty cold weather flavor for you. Look for them at Drizzly or at your local convenience store or liquor store and visit highnoonspirits.com to find it near you. Dan, that's us with the high noons.

I look sick. I'm wearing the fucking ankle bracelets. Everybody looks sick. What the hell is this graphic? What am I in? What are you in? What's behind us? You look like that villain from Men in Black 3.

Yes. Like Boris. It's like I'm really longing for a nooner. If anybody ever watched Men in Black 3, that's who he looks like. Damn it, I'm just holding a high Noon. KB looks cool, of course. Yeah. Super Bowl vibe.

Looks very empathetic. What do you think KB's going to do for the Super Bowl this year? Jet loser. You think he's going to get drunk? Probably something fucking funny. You guys are going to have a fucking time out there. We are. People are coming up

with conspiracies that I'm not going because I'm doing stand-up. That's not true at all. I want to clear the air on that. You were told you're not going. I was told I'm not going. You're just not going

because we don't want you to go. I'm just not going. Yeah, you didn't opt out. You were excluded. Here we go. I got an idea. Take my spot. No.

Now I have other obligations. Obviously, I made other obligations when I found out I wasn't going. Yeah, me too. This ass must be pissed to get this week off.

No, I'm actually, I'm going to go back to, well, I'm going to Boston this weekend and I think I'm just going to stay home for the week. Oh, fuck yeah. Or to the Philharmonic maybe?

I'll probably go to the Philharmonic. We borrow Boston Pops. Yeah. Obviously. Boston Pops? Yeah. Obviously. Boston Pops are boring. You think so? Brandon, you've been hush-hush kind of a little bit.

You're afraid to get cartooned again. I don't want to get cartooned. Ay-yi-yi-yi. That set me back. I couldn't recover. Throw an airplane, make you an airplane. I'll make me a nice airplane. Is there a chance

we can see that Godzilla clip? That's all I've been able to think about. It's you! You were in the film! Alright. Why are they doing this? Why are they doing that?

Oh. Did you see, old man? Gojira. Gojira. Oh. But did you see Old Man? Godzilla. Godzilla. All right, do it again, Steve. Now that I have the timing down. Okay.

Godzilla. What did you see, Old Man? Godzilla. Godzilla. Pretty good impression. Yeah. Oh, man. Hollywood really came up with the most racist Asian stereotypes, dude.

It's kind of dope. I think that was this guy waking up out of a coma. And he saw Godzilla. I don't think that movie has a lot of Asian stereotypes. How else is he going to say it? It was like the genesis of negative. Godzilla's from Asia, though. Yeah, it's Japanese.

And Godzilla is a metaphor for the atomic bomb. Really? Is it really? Yes. Oh, damn. It's a big lizard. Oh, so we launched the atomic bomb, and we. That was on us.

Oh, so it was on us. Always is. I was wrong. There's that movie about that guy. Yeah, you're right. Pee Wee's Big Adventure. No, the atomic bomb guy. Large Marge used to scare the shit out of me.

There were some trailers about it this weekend. Oh, yeah. Oppenheimer. It's a Christopher Nolan film, right? Robert Oppenheimer, the atomic bomb designer. Yes, that's right. That movie's going to be boring. I don't see how they're going to make that exciting.

Why am I throwing it? Because you got the arm. There's an M. Night Shyamalan movie I want to see now. What is that? It's something to be boring. I don't see how they're going to make that exciting. Why am I throwing it? You got the arm. There's an M. Night Shyamalan movie I want to see now. What is that? It's something with Batista. Oh, yeah. And the attic thing? Knock on the door or something? Yes. You see that after Glass Onion? People were saying he's the best wrestler actor of all time.

That's crazy. I think he is. More than Cena and The Rock, I guess, would be his main... It's probably his main, too. The Rock does the same role in everything. And Cena... The Rock's a much bigger star. Cena and Pe Rock, I guess, would be his main. It's probably his main, too. The Rock does the same role in everything. And Cena. The Rock's a much bigger star. Cena and Peacemaker was really fun. Yeah, that was a really good show.

His song in Moana, nothing beats it. It's the best. The Rock's? The Rock's song in Moana. Moana is just incredible. You're welcome or whatever it is. What? Bautista's got comedic timing.

He's menacing. I think he's the best. Do you guys say Bautista or Bautista? It's Bautista's got comedic timing. He's menacing. I think he's the best. Do you guys say Bautista or Bautista? It's Bautista. I say Bautista, but it's spelled Bautista. Bautista. What about Hogan? I think they added the U for his movie career because there was no U when he was in WWE.

That's just his real name. Yeah, but in WWE he used Bautista, no U. That's the character name so that WWE can own the character rights. Ah. Don't ask me, TJ. I just thought you knew about wrestling and stuff. What's in it? What about Thunderlips, Hulk Hogan?

He wasn't as good. I thought he was pretty good. Mr. Nanny, no holds barred. He can't feel his legs now. Oh, yeah. What? What happened to him? Back surgery.

Yeah, back surgery. Cut his nerves, right? Yeah. I don't know if he's a pair. He's at least a para. Or no. If you can't feel your legs, does that mean you can't use that? So now he's a minority?

Could he still lie if he can't feel? He's on crutches, I think. That sucks. You know who you see eat like 24 hard-boiled eggs a day? It seems impossible. Like Gaston. How did hers go better than mine? I kind of forgot how to make one.

We have any antics set up for the Super Bowl? We don't have any antics. Do you want to create some antics? Maybe if we all got root beer floats or something like that. It kind of sounds nice. Crazy. We're out there getting root beer floats. It was cold out there.

It was not comfortable. Are we close enough to where we can see the weather of the week of the Super Bowl, or are we at least close to? Well, we're a week away from next Tuesday. Do you have little sun outfits ready? I don't think it's going to be sunny. In Arizona? It's going to be sunny. In Arizona? It's going to be sunny.

It's going to be like 65 maybe. Bro, the sun out there is hot. Yeah. You got to drink a lot of water. That was the worst hangover I've ever had in my life. In Arizona? Yeah, from like not even drinking that much. And it was just like,

woke up the next day and I was like, I'm going to be in the 70s and nothing full body okay it's in this it's the same waste management class tapped everywhere the waste management next week always is i might that sounds fun you guys go when monday sunday sunday sunday to when i'm i Sunday to Monday. Damn. Yeah, that's a long time is what I'm saying, bro. That's why I'm bringing my wife. The Barstool Bar is very nice out there.

Some primo enchiladas. Fucking all week. Oh, damn. You coming out all week or just the end? Just the first four days. Oh, nice. You're going to be fucking all week, though. I'm going to have a permanent ring around my eye from being pressed up against your peephole.

Crawling through the ducts. So are you guys staying in a hotel or are you staying at that Airbnb? I thought everyone was staying at the Airbnb. It's a weird thing. The Airbnb has 12 bedrooms, maybe 14 bedrooms, but only six adults can stay there.

So security's staying there. There's a lot of rooms with like three sets of bunk beds in them. It's odd. It's weird. It's like an anti-party house. But it is a party house

because we have like a mini golf course on it. All kind of... Shuffleboard, bocce, all that stuff yeah all stuff

Sass loves yeah yeah it'd be so awesome there's a little stand up stage in the backyard Star Wars VR

oh yeah I got a lot of stuff planned aren't like a bunch of stand ups going to be out there too I feel like everybody like Bert Kreischer

also Shane are doing I don't think we should just talk about I don't know he's also not going right yeah we got to find the cop I know we're busy Kreischer, Mark Norman, Shane are doing. I don't think we should just talk about him. I don't know. He's also not going. Right. Yeah.

We got to find the cock. I know. We're busy. We're busy. We got to find that cock. Cock hunting. Yeah, I'm ready. The cock hunter.

Yes, sir. Like the milf hunter, but. I'm serious. We got to find this guy. You're wrong. Down. I also want to find the cock hunter. The arrow shooter guy.

Oh, fuck. Call guy Oh fuck Fuck me man What do you guys want to call the video? I've been trying to think Small cock guy probably Yeah that's pretty good Or no it's got to be something with the birds Little bird Scouting the birds

Finding the smallest birds And him pecker Oh pecker The eagle's smallest pecker Do Oh, pecker. Yeah. The eagle's smallest pecker. Do you guys call a dick a bird? No. Don't?

No. Oh, that's what I'm. Oh, that's what you always call it. That's what you. No, I've never called it a bird. This guy's bird. Look at this guy's bird. You got me.

Oh, you looked at a guy's bird? I thought. Because there was a tall guy in college and they call him the bird watcher because whenever he showered, he was like taller than like he could look down the stalls. Oh and they'd call him the bird watcher because whenever he showered, he was taller than he could look down the stalls. Oh, yeah. Called him the bird watcher. Poor guy. All tall.

That sucks. Would you rather be 7'8 or 5'1? 5'1. Every single day. 5'1. 7'8 is too big. 7-8, you're just in pain. Maybe 7-3.

7-3, you'd be in pain. I would still take 5-1 over 7-3. 7-3 with a handle? No such thing. Well, Mignogna? Well, Mignogna's got a handle. You see him palm a basketball with two fingers? Maybe.

Yeah, finger and thumb. He's just a freak, huh? That ain't even palming. That ain't even Paulman. That ain't even Paulman. It's a whole other discipline. Seven, eight, you're a freak, and you also die when you're like 30.

Yeah. You McGorry yourself. Sim Bullhar. How tall was his ass? Sim Bullhar. Remember who I'm talking about? No. College basketball dude?

The Indian dude? Oh, yes. Maybe. I'll just say yes. Yeah, that's for the best They move like they're on the stage

of Chuck E. Cheese They're in pain all the time Yeah 7-5 run O'Hara He was a wide body too Yeah he's a big boy

He looks very proportionate Yeah he doesn't look as precocious Yeah that's alright He's playing I think he's playing in China or something

I think it was him against Dwight Howard banging in the paint Really dominating God all the traveling they have to do that has to suck so hard On planes and everything Yeah I think he's playing in China or something. I think it was him against Dwight Howard banging in the paint. God, all the traveling they have to do. That has to suck so hard. On planes and everything. Are you linking up with Pat Bev today? I'm trying to get him in the office tomorrow.

Is your date tomorrow, by the way? Oh, Brandon's date's today. Tonight, yeah. Tonight. What? Jenks. What? He's going to the game.

What? On the wood. On the wood?. It's a night. It's a night. What? Jenks. What? He's going to the game. What? On the wood. On the wood? No, you're not. I am. For the Lakers, Knicks? Yep. The celebs will be out.

I actually remember all the game. I mean, will you – Pat Bev said that after the LeBron situation where Shannon Sharp didn't get kicked out of the game because he's friends with LeBron situation where Shannon Sharp didn't get kicked out of the game because he's friends with LeBron. He said that anybody that we're friends with that gives players shit on the court, he has their back. You won't get kicked out. So I can do whatever?

As long as you establish rapport with Pat Bev beforehand, I'm pretty sure you can say whatever the fuck. I can say all the words I want to say? Yeah. Yeah, every one of them. Brandon's a huge LeBron fan, though. I love LeBron James. I do, too, bro. want to say yeah yeah every one of them brandon's a huge lebron fan though i love lebron james you too bro i i don't understand contrarian basketball fans i don't know how you could

like basketball and not love the guy yeah plays the best basketball and i think a lot of like barstool like there's like a lot of lore of barstool like just hating lebron or it's like yeah it's bizarre to me i don't like le LeBron. Why? I don't like the game of the style of basketball he plays. He plays it the exact perfect way. No, he doesn't. He's a superstar. He's a pass-first superstar. It's never happened.

I don't like the way he's traveled and handled his business with teams. You can dislike that. That's fine. But the basketball is crazy. He's the most unselfish superstar in the history of the game. There are guys that I enjoy watching more from a pure basketball standpoint. Like Shaq? I liked Shaq back in the day.

Was Shaq handled and went from team to team the same way that LeBron has? Towards the end of his career when he was ringed? No, no, no, no. When he went to the Lakers. When he was 25 years old, 26 years old. When he demanded a trade, certainly. Or was that free agency? Yes.

Broke up the Lakers as they were at their peak? Him and Kobe had clear beef. He was even more toxic than LeBron. In three players, you said you liked to watch from a pure basketball standpoint more than LeBron. I like different. So, like, Luka. Yeah. Luka is just doing a LeBron impression. All right, more than LeBron. I like different – so, like, Luka. Yeah.

Jokic. Luka is just doing a LeBron impression. All right, they have something in common. I have always loved watching Carmelo Anthony. Pure offensive basketball. Yeah, that's my stuff. He was selfish. He was shot every time.

Kobe. Interesting. I disagree with you on that one, brother, but you're entitled to your opinion. I don't think he is. He's a basketball fiend. If you watch, I don't know, I used to be a big top ten plays guy. Like I'd watch guys' career top ten plays. LeBron's for who he is is not as impressive as I would like.

That's insane. LeBron James' highlights are as incredible as anybody's in the history of the game. Well, I bet you Vince Carter's are way better. Yep, Vince Carter's way better. Top 10 maybe, but LeBron James, Duggan, Jason Terry. That's literally what I'm talking about. Oh, God. You're wrong.

Now you're – I don't like you. Derek Rose's top 10 is better. Derek Rose's top 10 is better. Better? Dwayne Wade's top 10 is better. More exciting. Tell me about their top 100. Tell me about – LeBron James has some of the best passes we've ever seen, some of the best dunks we've ever seen. is top 10 is better. Derek Rose's top 10 is better. Better? Dwayne Wade's top 10 is better. More exciting. Talk about LeBron James

has some of the best passes we've ever seen. Some of the best dunks we've ever seen. I made a statement that you deemed incorrect and now you're backpedaling a lot.

I didn't backpedal at all. I feel like I'm frontpedaling. No, you're wrong. Don't cartoon me. I don't know. He's not recovering from that one you're gonna have to mutilate your dick you're gonna have to publicly it's the only way okay you got me cartooned again i think you got yourself cartoon brother who's the worst player with the best highlight reel

probably jason williams ricky davis oh jason williams is a good one yeah jason was great with the best highlight reel? Probably Jason Williams. Ricky Davis. Oh, Jason Williams is a good one. Yeah, Jason Williams is a great top ten. Yeah. Better than LeBron's? No. They're so different. How could you say LeBron's top ten isn't peak or elite top ten?

His dunks aren't hard enough. He doesn't jump high enough or doesn't hit enough. When he jumped over Lucas. When he dunked on Jason Terry. The jump over John Lucas is like Jason Block's good. What would you say about the jump over Lucas? It was alright. It was alright. It wasn't a great dunk.

He caught an alley-oop by jumping over somebody. Guys disagreeing about sports. This is what they do. They disagree about sports. I is what they do. They disagree about sports. Dwayne Wade's top ten washes him. Going in circles, just disagreeing about sports. I can't even look at you right now.

Talking about sports. Watch. And they're disagreeing. I watch the same thing you watch, brother. They're talking about sports. You've never seen this top ten. Football's in basketball. They're disagreeing sports.

And that's what guys do. No matter how big or small they are. We both won't change our minds. What's Sass doing? He's got a gun. Throw me that vape, Sass. It's dead. I'm kidding.

I don't want you to throw me a vape ever again. Did y'all find it that night? TJ found it like two hours later. It was in the Georgia Tech helmet on the shelf. No way. How did it get there? It was Roan. Oh, yeah.

No, I didn't. Why would I look for it for a half hour if I put it down? You're saying Sass threw it through the hole? The ear hole? Yeah. You apologized for throwing something at Nick, but didn't apologize for hiding his vape on purpose? I didn't do that.

See, if I was drunk enough, I might have done anything. But I know I didn't do something that sneaky. I was overtly being an oaf, not fucking connivingly hiding things. Overt oaf. Good alliteration. It's not bad. It's okay. It's okay.

It's okay. It's like the OA sound and the OV sound. That's what gets me. So to be pure alliteration, it has to be down to the syllable, not just the letter? I think so. I think it's the sound. I don't know. KB would have my back on that, but my boy's laid up right now.

Laid up. Have you talked to him? How's he doing? I haven't talked to him. That sucks. Damn, it's that bad? I only fuck with him when he's healthy. That was David Buster's.

It was fun. Really? Yeah, it was fun. We should go. Yeah? Yeah. Ken Jack said that he got so many tickets and he could only, he got nothing for his tickets, no return on his tickets.

Of course. There's no real ROI there. The only profitable game is the one where you could drop the balls into the cup and the cups are spinning at the bottom. Drew Gooden did a video on it. It was good. Drew Gooden. A YouTuber.

The YouTuber, not the basketball player. Thank you. He addresses that in many videos. Thank you. Remember when Drew Gooden had the... If we all pooled our stuff together, we could probably get a Roomba. They had a Roomba there. Oh.

Hell. It'd be sick to have one in here just going around. Going around. A Roomba with a knife and a bunch of balloons? It would definitely. Yeah. That would be dope. Is a Roomba an all-time thing that sounds better than it really is?

It's a dust collector. Yeah. It doesn't. You do it. Like on the top, not inside. Do it five times. You leave it in the thing. Yeah. yeah it doesn't you do it like on the top not inside do it five times you leave it in the thing yeah our room is next to the high chair

and it's just covered in peas and like pasta and it goes around the apartment covered in food just because I can't clean themselves I can't wow

I'm not going to clean it that's a paradox we should sell a smaller one to put on top of a Roomba the roof of the Roomba yeah like those the sharks that have the little fish on top exactly of a Roomba. The roof of the Roomba? Yeah. Like the sharks that have the little fish on top?

Exactly. Very. School of Roombas just like roaming around the neighborhood. Fleet. I heard Roombas go feral if you leave them in the wild

for four weeks. Yeah. They grow their tusks back. You can hunt them as an invasive species. The population explodes. Fucking Roombas. All right.

All right. Okay. I'm starving. Okay. Want to get lunch? Let's get Sassum food. Let's go get lunch. I want to go get some of that Italian.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Free lunch. All right. We'll see you all tomorrow. Luke, sign us off, man. Thanks for having us, guys. God bless.

Thanks, Ryan. Sweet. Yeah, sorry. You were so close It's the act. It's the act. That's time to talk shop and do a Yankee pop. It's the act. It's the act.