The Yak - Pour One Out for Fasoli's Last Day in Chicago | The Yak 2-12-25

Episode Date: February 12, 2025

Nick and KB comeback fresh off of shedding 10 pounds eachYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Oh What'd you spill spill on him all right you spit on our guest oh No No, that's for yesterday Scalding hot coffee So you're fall oh Sam by the way heads up the microphone swivels My bed, that's okay The act sponsored by roe back they get the new Hezzy hoodies joggers the lightweight

They got the fleeces the sprint joggers Yak comm slash Roe back 20% off use code yak 20% off first purchase row back calm mark if you have to buy a new pair of pants. I don't even know where you begin that hunt Good luck pal the novelty clowns Yeah, my bed usually no one usually sits there, you know I didn't want to sit in that chair. I'm sitting this chair being the big cat chair No, it's too much pressure Sam a couple more episodes. You might have to add yourself to our average What's that mean we measured our average hard penis size? Oh? I don't want to skew it in one direction or the other

The average is six point two But that you know that's you that's a long dick brand it's the man that spilled coffee on you. Yeah, sure sure yeah Yeah, dude, I know you have This is we had one above eight amongst us, and this is the this is the bad part to me and they cat are like Taiwanese But so we have some eights. You guys do this all the fucking time. I think we'll bring a guest on the show. You try to embarrass me.

Tell him I have a big dick. Yeah. Everything about you says I have a huge, meaty cock. You know I'm insecure about how big my heart is. That is true. Yeah. You have a mustache. The dead giveaways, the cock.

Right. Yeah. That was the dead giveaway. It's the throbbing erection. He pissed himself on the show, and it started at the top of his shoe. shoe halfway down the thigh Whatever you stand up your dizzy. Yeah, you get a boner my feet fall asleep No, I knew that like when I first met you and I felt your hand wrap around mine

I was like, oh this guy's got a ditch digger You do have massive hands by the way. Yeah. Me? Yes. What do you mean? I have- You have gigantic hands. Gross. For your size? I've shaken your hand before and it's like- I have skinny.

I feel like when you shake my hand, you can break it in half. I'm 6'5", 270. Your hands are like 25% bigger than mine. I've never thought that. I guess, all right. I don't know. We'll stop picking fun.

Yeah. You should let a bunch of doves loosen here and see how many you can catch in one palm. That'll be so fun. That'd be a cool challenge. I loose in here and see how many you can catch in one palm. That'd be so fun. That'd be a cool challenge. I made fun of him this morning when I saw him, how he was dressed, I said,

I made fun of how good looking he is. God damn it, Brandon. So we always. You said that in private. Yeah, I did, but I had to tell, I mean, you look so fucking good today. So you're good looking and you have a big dick, ha ha. It's literally the jacket I guess.

Go slob mode tomorrow. Roll up as a slob. Yeah, just like me You can't bury something that lives in the dirt. Oh Man that's great. So who else anyone come in with like a surprising length, okay? Yeah, yeah seven inch clitoris Yeah, I don't like to brag but it's like a marsupials tail But it's like a marsupial tail. It is yeah, it was done You can still change out of people's pockets those bumper stickers by the way we're saying like it looks like the marathon bumper stickers But it's six point two six. They're on waitlist. They like sold out. That's so sad

I think somebody tweeted one on the back of a pretty nice vehicle Just next to the honor student sticker. Yeah, are there good bumper stickers? Yeah, are there good bumper stickers? Once you put a one on like great point have any standards. Yeah, is there like a really expensive classy bumper sticker? I've never believed in anything enough to have a bumper sticker. No, there's the The newish thing is like some sort of like a car is not it's not a bumper sticker But it's like I don't know you know how you attach it It's like it is I guess technically is a bumper so I'm like a logo that looks metal like metal it looks like part of the car okay if you're a get their

sports teams yeah you're like an Iowa fan it looks like you bought like a Silverado that's branded Iowa Hawkeyes yeah and they kind of will like put those on there I guess that's the closest thing to like a classy that's great Does your wife have a native okay lives in a nice place too You know the Colorado the Coloradans oh Yeah, no soon she was a big Reservation no yeah, I would never mock the indigenous. Yeah, they've had a tough enough time. Yeah, no my wife doesn't drive I would never mock the indigenous. They've had a tough enough time. They have. No, my wife doesn't drive, I would never allow that. Good call.

Yeah, she's exhausted from sucking that thing off. Now, did you guys account for girth? That's not partaking in that. I bet you've got it like a big mean one. We would need a string, I think. I'm not partaking in a girth off. Huh, I think that's the only time I could compete. But it was completely anonymous.

We had a length bucket and we would drop our length in. You had your best and brightest on this. Yes, that's right. Somebody invented the length bucket. What, like you were marking twain? We took the mean of all the sizes. Is that a thing? Is that a term?

Yes, you measure the depth. Twain is like- Is that what he's named after? But his name's Mark Twain. I know, well his name's Samuel Langham Clements. But he named it after the penis measuring? Because he worked on, his brother was a riverboat captain, and when he would work on it, he would mark Twain,

which is to mark 20 feet down. Oh my God. Wow. Didn't know that. He could be making it up, but I don't think he is. You don't know this? After his flub yesterday, I don't think he's fucking around. Where is he from?

Why from Mississippi? Close enough. He was in Missouri. You guys need heroes. You can take him from all borders You got Elvis you got Elvis. We got Elvis. Yeah, we got me. Mm-hmm. You got the Como steakhouse That's exactly right. Yeah, man. Yeah, I spent my time down there brother. I've been to proud Larry's done some damage We got some good food down there. You guys got a great beach too that no one talks about

Nobody ever talks about it and they should a great beach. It's good Ocean Springs. Really? Yeah, I like it down there You can it's all man-made yeah you can like go gamble yeah you can just go to the beach it's a nice day yeah it's underrated state underrated place thank you very much I appreciate I got nothing bad to say about the great state of Mississippi or Indiana is overcompensated because boy howdy did my DMs get flooded oh the Hoosiers are a proud people and very vocal they don't know how to spell slurs, I'll say that. We know how to say it. What are we doing, Mississippi?

Not enough Gs in there. Kyle and I are both from West Virginia. Feel free to talk shit. Why would I talk shit? It's beautiful. It's a beautiful green place. I love Morgantown. 123 Pleasant Street in Morgantown is one of my favorite places.

I love going there, haven't you? No. What's three Pleasant Street It's like a legendary punk rock and roll club in Morgantown black label beer And you go I go there every weekend in like the state they do it in this concrete room in the stand-up show like people Are literally like ripping their hair out their frothing like they love stand-up so much there. I love Morgantown I guess I didn't think there would be a punk rock place in Morgantown, West Virginia Yeah, good rock scene in West Virginia really Yeah. Yeah, no cash is from there. Where are you from here? Chicago? Hey, what's not to love?

Kate Philly suburbs. Hey watch out. I know Wow. He loves everywhere Dude nowhere sucks if you don't suck it America's a great place. That's right Yeah, the best state is a 50-way tie for number one. That's right, man That's what I say. If you think a place sucks, then you fucking suck Yeah, you're a little fucking lame if you can't find the joy in Arkansas in the hot springs Yeah, I am Bentonville brother Northwest corner of Arkansas. I mean people type that up a little too much Maybe the Northwest Arkansas. Well, that's the only place it really is good. I mean I don't want to go to West Memphis. No.

I don't want to go to Searcy. No. But hey, Little Rock, great place. Fayetteville, come on. Sioux Pig Buoy or whatever they say. Yeah, Sioux Pig Buoy. It's the night and day from yesterday when you said fuck Indiana. Well you guys put me on the spot.

Not really. You kind of volunteered that. I came in kind of crazy. A large chunk of our fan base is Indiana. I assumed that as soon as I said it I remembered where I was from Kyle said something about Kansas, and you said yeah, Kansas sucks, but you know what else fucking sucks fucking I was asked What you said favorite place in 49 states? It's just a shithole No, I love Indiana. That's what is luckily the good people of Indiana educated me late into the night last night. Yeah

We let you enter to your home a conversation. Oh, they were telling you where you live Luckily the good people of Indiana educated me late into the night last night. Were you entertaining? Oh they were telling you where you live. Pictures of my wife's car. If you're homesick here's a picture of your house. Really sweet. I defend Indiana so strongly because it's a way to deflect from the fact that the second I had my own agency in life I moved out and have never spent another I've never paid rent there yeah there again we had to pay two runs because you're huge hog yeah that's right that

is right so he's on your ass about it's awesome when you know a guy's got one and you think he has one and he does it it's great yeah I don't hang out with a lot of big dick guys have you met Zah cuz we think he's the other eight. Yeah, Zah oh I'm at Zah. Yeah, yeah, he's the other eight incher. Oh, yeah, I would not surprise me at all. Yeah might have been Blutman to Imagine we might have found a way I can't imagine what he's working might have found a way to still It could be for eyes in there. Yeah, it might have a toenail Like it's got a split who

How was last night boys yeah, yeah, you guys are miserable yeah truly miserable it was um is what I expected I think the first 75% was like almost fun in The last couple pounds were hell, but you did it in five and a half hours That's right My least favorite part was putting the sauna suit back on because it was a wrench when you're in cold Dry off. Yeah, we did four sessions with the sauna suit You lost 12 pounds yourself I Did and then you lost what nine? I was chugging water all day yesterday. I weighed in at my highest ever in my life at the weigh in,

190. Wow, I remember sixth grade. And I got down, I lost 9.4 over in the span of time. But during this whole ordeal, we all took laxatives. And Tate's worked immediately. Kyle and I didn't shit the whole time. Mine hit at 6 a.m. You had a time release, laxative extended release?

It said 30 to six hours it takes to work. And it took you six hours? Mine is like in my throat still, I guess. Yeah, yours never worked? No. He hasn't shit yet. You're laxative proof. The worst part is like I didn't sleep because I went home

I guess I was still on like crisis and survival mode, so I just writhed yeah, I want to ride are What times you finished? To to it to a.m.. Yeah, shout out to our medic tiana She was going to leave at 1 making us have to stay the night here Because we weren't allowed to do this without a medic. She was like, I wanna see you guys do it, and she stayed. Oh, that's cool. But I stepped on the scale this morning, I'm 185.

Down from what you had lost? I lost more weight because of the laxative. Do you feel cuter? I feel... No. Disgusting. You're a gaunt. Have you eaten?

No. I haven't eaten, I have no appetite. What about that big fat guy you said was gonna be your prize pig? Which big fat guy said a guy gave me gained 47 pounds oh, Tate He pulled his weight he lost 9.6 Kyle lost 12.4. There's a fat piece of shit there. Where is he on the right all right? Well, you don't know where they really tell skinny fat He's got under slim down for the first time and since he's moved here was it exciting when you got it though

We like it was really exciting There's a beauty to the whole process where you're you only you're distracted by everything else in life. You have one goal and You know the closer you get to it every like droplet of sweat that comes off your body you get more excited Even though it gets harder. Yeah to reach that grand prize of being able to replenish. So I think every human should give it a shot. I don't have those desires. It truly, I went into it, I rank my mood, like morning, afternoon, night, and I was a 1.5 going into it, and I instantly was almost euphoric for the first few hours.

Clear purpose. Yeah, clear purpose purpose you would do this again I Don't think I would do to the extent I did it because I feel like horrible now But I think I would do like a it was like we made pounds Well, we should do this every year after the Super Bowl. I'd be I would do it. Yeah, I would do it annually You would do it any oh, I know You said you stood as ten times a year Yeah, so I was a backup the starters did it like 20 times a year Wait so why if they made weight why would they have to keep doing it so not to that extent obviously but

You know a lot of lighter weights will cut so much weight. They'll be naturally like 145 and Russell 125 150 to 133 so You get to a point The control gets you off or even though you're like dieting so well like you've got to lose seven pounds of water weight Have wrestlers ever thought about unionizing and deciding across the board? We're all gonna stay this we're all gonna wrestle at the weight We are we're not gonna cut and wrestle 20 they would I think they would love that but they're just too competitive No, that will never. But wrestling is very popular in formerly union stronghold states.

Is that a fact? Iowa, Wisconsin, Pennsylvania. Oh my, yeah, yeah. That's the biggest. Yeah. This area. Is there a correlation? I don't know.

I'm just saying if they were to try and instill unionization, it might be easy because they're like the sons and daughters of former UAW. It's in their genetics. And hey, UAW, bring back the root beer float. Yes. I've been on a huge kick with those. You've been on a root beer float kick? Huge.

Out of the blue, out of nowhere. I've been taking cherry sodas. Yeah? You must be pregnant. Chocolate. Oh, no, no. Say it before, tubes in a dumpster somewhere. They're gone.

Yeah, done. Too out of wedlock. I think that's what they do with them, Kate. What do they do with them? I don't know. I don't know. I thought they tied them. Yeah, but the-

No, no, I said take mine out. You wanted yours out, but now you know what to do. I said I don't get them out of here. I said, you need to get out. Sam, you'd love her partner, the Beav. I'm sold right away. Yeah. He's the Beav with, and then he does a titty emoji. Yeah

Emoticon had to ask him to cut his coke nail off for our first prenatal appointment And he was like, you know, let me be myself Then I told Nick and KB my new show idea when we were out to dinner at the fancy dinner. You're talking about laxatives? Oh, yes. I was sitting right beside you too. You were there. That night she told me.

You were hammered. I'm surprised you even remember. It's true. You know how all these influencers go to all these foodie spots? It's like a whole industry now. I'm going to go to all the fanciest restaurants in the country, but my thing is, I'm just gonna turn this into poopy. So my show is gonna be called I'm Turning This into Poopy,

and I travel the country, I eat the fanciest things, and then I check in 36 hours later. Yeah, I turn that into poopy. And instead of a rating scale, it's shit or not did you did it turn to shit yep it did do you just report what it looks like with I just I think I'll be on the toilet but you won't see anything I'll be like yeah it turned into poopy yeah we did it so shit would be good on this scale shit would be great yeah if I don't there'll be more of a mystery I kind of what kind of place like really expensive and nice

like LeBron a den yeah maybe trip Maybe just try one and see how it goes. See how it does. Yeah, do a test run. Okay. What about making turds? Oh, that could be making turds. I think it's a better shirt. I like that too, but I think it has potential.

It's huge. I think people would love that. There's gonna be a very specific group of people who are gonna love this show. Yeah, Scatman. Uh-huh. Yeah. Beed- up ba dee. That was my number one song on Spotify this past year.

The Scatman? I swear to God. There's no way. The Scatman was your number one on rap? My son became obsessed with it. And we just played it over and over. It's all my rap. Scatman.

No. Scat ba da ba da ba dee ba da ba da ba da. God. Yeah. You think Spotify looks at that and like, what the fuck? Yes. It's all my rap scat man You think Spotify looks at that like what the fuck yes Kate your boy is ruined I know very strange stay tuned cuz that's coming out you think your boys are gonna grow up to be Kate's or B's By the worst mix of both yeah, yeah, yeah, it'd be definitely gonna be Bates. That's oh They'll be cool as hell they'll be fine. What's the what's the love story? Where did you first lock horns with beef in the office in the office? I roasted him for a thing I had before I'd even talked to him

They asked me to rose he was new to the company and they were doing like a power hour where instead of music every minute It was a news story every minute and they were doing shots to the news It was for a news podcast Yeah, and I came out in the middle as a surprise and like roasted them that had to have him fucking pulsing Yeah, but that was and then we went out a few times and then one time we went out and he's like if you go back to my hotel room we we're gonna fuck, and that was it. I was like, you're the one for me.

He's an old romantic. Yeah, so he ordered croissants to the room the next morning. I said, wow. You told that story, that must be true. It's 100% true. Really struck a chord with you. Yeah, it did. He loves me.

Sam, when B was moving in with Kate Kate was in New York He was in Texas right you were eight months pregnant B was leaving Texas to move him with her how long it took him two weeks to get there He like ended up making it like a road trip with his buddy and made a lot of pit stops and had a great time He turned into like a distillery tour But I got everything set up okay. It was fine. And you were heavy with child.

Yeah, it's all right. It wasn't a red flag or anything. We're doing great. What did he want to name your firstborn? Thumper. It was a non-name. Power or? Buckshot, wasn't it?

Twerk. He wanted to name it Twerk. Yeah. Excellent. Tork, excellent. Tork is so masculine. Yes. He had a good list of names. But the Q is not.

Q isn't masculine. Buckshot. We were trying to think of the most masculine things. Surge is a pretty nasty name. Surge. Yeah. It's a masculine name. There's got to be surfer kids named Surge.

Is Q the least masculine? Masculine letter? Thank you very much. I appreciate it. Mexican one. I think an ending with Q you just said, I don't know. I think it's a very masculine name. I think it's a very masculine name. I think it's a very masculine name. I think it's a very masculine name. I think it's a very masculine name. I think it's a very masculine name. There's gotta be surfer kids named surge is cue the least max

Masculine letter thank you very much. I appreciate it. I think an end ending with QUE is points off Jacques Jock that's kind of strong. Oh there were the yeah pork science Lawrence just sneaking in there big dick tea. Yeah, did you let any of these become middle names? Meta and it does sound cool. I'm just dude is a insane name make this list. Why were champion and major crossed off? Those are two crazy Still thinking about big dick tea. Yeah. Wow.

Every now and then he loses all our money in bitcoin. It's been fun. Yeah, you'd love him, Sam. I want to hoist a glass with old beef. He's going to be on MOOC Can't Sleep. No way. In March, I think. Oh, that'll be a great episode.

Can I shout out Mook real quick? Yeah. Of course. Mook was in Philly for the game the other day and the Super Bowl. The game. I don't know if you guys saw it. But he went out on Broad Street afterwards

and he did The Man on the Street and it was very, very, very fucking funny. It was amazing. Gotta watch that. And yeah. So watch it on YouTube. Four and a half million views already. Mookie.

The guy booping him was my favorite. He was in his element He was doing great, and then he's going back for the parade so shout out Yeah, also his beard looks great. I don't know if he's ever had a beard looks great Yeah, Luke buzzed his head on like a dare and got handsome Because he wasn't before it was a stat is it a stash to it Yeah, you can turn the audio Looks cool. This young man was on the show when I did it last time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he was Better things numbers on that Danny beat his ass and took his spot Patrick Mahomes is a bitch! Yo, Patrick Mahomes, two picks, covered in jeans and a crib!

Oh yeah! It turned into a pillow fight! They got into a laundry thing. Bury gang, motherfucker! Bury gang, motherfucker! I took out my high-end last night! Yeah. They're all so angry.

Why is everybody so angry in Philly that night? It's a happy anger. It's like happy tears. Only in fucking Philly, man. I like the multiculturalism that was on display in that clip. It was beautiful. Yeah, brotherly love.

Everybody was tearing the city up. Yeah, yeah. All together. So shout out, Moog. Oh yeah, and shout out to Donnie in the new Baldstool series. Oh yeah, that's so good. Very funny. new bald stool series. Yeah, so good very funny You see white socks Dave's confessional

Yeah, he's like I'm bald. I'm short. I'm much less Man, I'm at least gonna take away one of these things Track that at all. Yeah, I'm a huge Donnie guy Well, yeah, I for for a long time. You were early to Donnie. Yeah, yeah. I remember when he was going to Shanghai Sharks games and shit. Yeah, no, so I think it's gonna be a very good, compelling travel show. Yeah, good group of characters. You're going on their show today, drop a pin, right? I'm doing Donnie's show, yeah. It'll be fun.

Do you have a specific talking point? I wanna just talk about like travel tips and hacks. Mm-hmm. Yeah, no, but he's cool, man. I'm glad he took the glasses off. Yeah. He's handsome. He's really handsome That's the one thing I was always like what's going on or there? Do you have like a fucking watery eye? You know he told us I think he started wearing him because he got punched in a video He got a black eye, and then he started wearing shades, and then he just kept him on his character. I

Think is uh he's about to be a father any day now. Yeah, it's coming up. Any day. Who's the mother? I went on that drop-up pen last week. His wife. Oh, good. I went on that drop-up pen last week,

and we talked about my career, and he said I was a newspaper writer, and he was so nice about Mississippi the whole time, and then he just leans up and he says, you think it's awesome that, or how did you become such a good writer and a newspaper guy when everybody else in your state can't read or can't write?

And it was daunting because you don't get mad at it, but I was like, god damn it. I mean the footprint of modern literature was measured in Oxford, Mississippi. Well not Oxford per se. Well I mean Faulkner, Larry Brown. Brandon doesn't like Oxford sorry Clarksville bucks they'll Clarksdale to yeah the catfish capital

yeah like Oxford yeah did you talk about writing for Coca-Cola I'm not never talked about that okay I didn't write for Coca-Cola you still do Drew RC Cola I it was a fortune 500 company based in Atlanta Brandon said he's a speechwriter And he still does it, but he won't tell us what the company. I don't still do it. Hey you know I don't That's what you tell me off air hmm You were behind the famous tagline Coca-Cola it was good all I'm saying is bada bada bada, right you write any prescription drug jingles

Is that you no no I haven't I haven't written Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada B Bada Bada Bada B B Bada B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B Oh, that's sick! That is good. Nice. Now the whole pants are stained. That's good. Yeah, keep that up. Five cheetahs had to die for those pants. Nice cheetah pants, dork. You saying having to find these pants was so funny? Uh. Um.

Ba-da-ba-da-ba. The McDonald's was Timberlake, wasn't it? Wasn't it? Was it? Did you that the writing credit? Yes It was up up up up push a tee had a part in it. What yeah, what hold on huh push a tee. There's a rapper Okay, he made up a big jingle for McDonald might be Timberlake's most known song, but I wasn't writing jingles I was writing speeches for the CEO when he goes to places you were doing rhetoric Yeah, I was doing a lot of rhetoric. Have you ever been to the event? A lot of anecdotes. Did you have to like spy on him to capture his

voice? No, no. I just kind of, they would send me generally what they wanted and I would just kind of. Did you ever go to the events and like sit in the back and like this thing's crushing? Um. Because I do that when I write your jokes. Once. I that's you're such a big problem. I can I can do I don't do that many funny jokes, but every time I do I get 30 replies. That's not fair. That's not fair. I Brandon's not one of the people I help. So did they write the jingle or did they take the jingle and make a song out of it? So I'm seeing Pusha T wrote the I'm loving it one. I'm loving it. I'm loving it. He's brilliant

Timberlake put it out Pharrell wrote it and then The song was written as a jingle for McDonald's commercials based on a pre-existing German campaigners credited to Pharrell and others, okay That's a lot of people why a McDonald's? Why would they be motivated to do that if you are Like got six million dollars for what artists of that caliber? Six million dollars is nothing for this has been heard a trillion times. I mean I'm not a got remed song ever Most stream not stream like most heard I think Marilyn Manson did the choreography for that J dance commercial. Yeah, I did dancing by the fountain He's a known choreographer

I'm loving it. I'm loving it instrumental and last night Do you remember the old McDonald's mascot? He was like the crescent moon Mac at night, buddy. Yeah Mac tonight back tonight Yeah, I bought TJ. I'll just know this guy Tonight back tonight. Yeah, I bought TJ as all just know this guy After they McDonald's was doing like very heavily marketed towards children campaigns And then they got in trouble for that so they pivoted towards trying to market Exclusively towards adults as like a cool adult hangout where do you find this guy? We were doing a crossword upstairs and TJ walked in. What was the answer you got?

We were, he was like, an EL fudge. Yeah, we had no idea what the teacher was like, that's EL fudge. It's a great cook. Yeah, Max and I, it's a little weird looking. Yeah, I don't like him. I forgot about this. But do you remember?

Oh, it's Ray Charles. Right? He's in the scene. That's a Crescent Moon man. Just because you're wearing glasses. That's a crescent moon man Crescent moon not a black man I He had a nice he uh He was very sympathetic towards 9-eleven. I think he put out a 9-eleven like back tonight

It wasn't that big of a deal After you guys made wait last night. I was just awake and I watched two YouTube videos Detailing every Happy Meal toy between 1980 and 2000. All right It's my sir guys are on one Most bizarre they did a potato head series without there was unlicensed so it was the year they would just do it was just two personal people but it wasn't licensed and they did they did all these things that weren't they did things that were licensed but then they want to redo them the license elapsed so

they just did versions of them like they had transformers for a year then they lost a license but they put it back out as just McChangers or McStuff. McChangers. Yeah. I remember they had the tiny beanie babies. Yeah, those were ants. Oh, yeah. I had ants that would drive to other states to try to get,

to go to McDonald's to get home. It's tough being an older woman. Yeah. McNugget buddies were good. They used to, Happy happy meals once a summer would come out in in boats what those were fun remember the remember the Halloween buckets oh yeah, they still do that do that I used to buy the VHS is for McDonald's I was one good flicks good flicks death for mr.. Smoochie Well, yeah Why do I always remember that cover but never seen it? I've never seen it, but it was Robin Williams

I thought it was theaters. You're right. You saw in theater with my father Yeah, it was it was like bleak and strange and not for kids. That was the one where they put the flubber on the shoe I always saw this The one flubber made an appearance. I always tried to rent this as a kid from the farm fresh. Yeah, I was at farm That's why I remember it Do they have a limited selection of they had about ten? It was a convenience store. I'd go up and buy my 75 cent homies and try to rent death for death this moochie I remember the convenience stores that would have a rack of movies

And like Louie Lamour novels as well. Yeah, like truck stop. Yeah. Yeah, I And like Louie Lamour novels as well. Yeah, like truck stop. Yeah. Yeah, I Miss rent movies. It was fun. I never had it I don't remember ever having a happy meal because I was such a fat child I just remember like double cheeseburgers ate him too fast. Yeah, I hate the box. Oh Yeah, did you ever hear less bad the grimace shake conspiracy? Oh, what's the They were putting out the grimimace Shake originally for Pride Month, but then they saw how things went south with the Bud Light commercial, so they switched it to Grimace's like 60-second birthday celebration, a completely random year to celebrate.

So it was just going to be a purple shake for Pride Month. They don't utilize other mascots enough. Hamburglar, that guy could be a star. Yeah, Grimace had also gone away for a while, and they just Brought back grimace's uncle grimace had an uncle very Irish man uncle. Oh grimace That's I've been seeing memes where it's like where do you guys see? Always know I love mascots. I love brand look. I love He's green Uncle grimace didacy. Did you write that?

Were you behind Uncle Grimacy, Brandon? Timberlake wrote that. Timberlake wrote Uncle Grimacy. He was behind the Belfast bombing of Timberlake? He was putting bombs in baby carriages. Yeah, and Happy Meals were the terrible

You do have to wonder where the purple came from in the family though. Yeah, I think there's some suspicion. His mother was a whore. Terrible. Terrible. You do have to wonder where the purple came from in the family though. Right. Yeah, I think there's some suspicion. His mother was a whore. Well green and what makes purple? Nothing. Nothing, not green. Oh, but it's blue and red.

Red and blue. I know you love using, I don't care if he's purple. I don't care if he's purple or green. Yeah. I've heard it before. As long as you're a good person. Yeah. I don't care if you're purple.

Yeah, you sound like my uncle. I actually both might. But he doesn't mean it. I would care if you good person. Yeah, okay if you're purple Yeah, you sound like my uncle my uncle actually but he doesn't mean I would care if I would so your purple Yeah, and Hugh stay away from bother. I'd be taking the back if you were purple. It'd be noteworthy. Yeah, yeah Do you know any purple people you're from William Blutman what yeah? Small baseball players colloidal silver turns you like a purpley blue Out of that pray the gateway camp, but I'm here to sell you shakes What's in there no one knows What's not in there Titus is huge huge cock. No, no, no. Oh, the liver king guy, is he still

up this earth? He's still purple. What does he have? He just went to a wedding. I follow him still. I felt upset because he like upstaged the bride with his outfit. He wore a suit but cut the sleeves off of it.

Huge cowboy. That's on you for inviting liver Ever king made a scene in my what check the liver King pants I can give you a bigger screen Let's war it so I can give you a bigger screen We see this wedding video yeah, wait yes Sam hold still we're gonna watch this wedding video It's just a picture of him at the wedding, but it pisses me off. Yeah, Sam. Maybe put your legs more together Damn you'd love it. Oh, yeah Yeah, Sam maybe put your legs more together Yeah, this would be the funniest time to moon I Have the liver King tattooed on my ass What a twist

Good stuff. I think you got pop for doing steroids, right? Good stuff, guys. Great stuff. But he's fine, nothing ever happened to him. He really didn't lose that many followers. He's not fine. No, well no. He looks like he's aged 10 years. Why would he have lost followers? Is there a scandal or is it just steroids?

Yeah, he was very, this is all natural. This is how you live, this is how you get it. And then they found out there was a video that went viral or something. That he was on every steroid stair. Yeah, yeah, which his like hold he sells should have no supplements That's like live the ancestral Yeah, live this way, but he was actually on he came into the New York office when we were there And he was like very open about how he doesn't wipe his ass

Turrets are so dry Huh that it doesn't require wiping. And he posts all this on social media. Yeah. Which is not an answer. You know why you wind up doing this kind of stuff? Because you're not good at sex. Yeah.

You make your body into like a mech suit because you can't fuck good. That's not true. I haven't done that. He's got to be able to lay it down a little bit. I don't think so. He's got a steroid dick. Oh. I don't know that he's doing well with that bar bit. I don't think so. He's got a steroid dick. I don't know that he's doing well with that bar.

And I don't think he's a flexible man. He's pretty short, right? Yeah, he was small. Yeah. Like 5'10"? That's one way to move that thing. Also, there's no way they're having fun. No.

That's just not a good time. But making his little kids eat organs. He wore the shirtless tuxedo. He used to just go shirtless everywhere he went went Kyle. Would you want to look like this? No, but you always want to look bigger than you are so no you don't the disorder That's strange Glad he's doing well. I we haven't established. He is do I don't think he is He was always like just bulging with veins and look like he was gonna go full thrombo all the time

He would blind in one eye really yeah, and when he had like he would have his wife like hide raw meat bodies around his His like campus, and then he would go for it. You gotta keep it fresh. Yeah, that's Animal or something I don't know raw meat dead animal or something. I don't know. Raw meat. He was eating raw meat. He was eating like liver and shit too, right? Yeah. I was like eating kidney.

OK, isn't it a faulty premise from the start to say I live the ancestral lifestyle and I'm going to sign up for an Instagram account to document all this? They had Instagram back in the ancestors. They might have. That's true. There's no way to know. Army's no way of knowing. Yeah.

Armie Hammer's trying to make a comeback? Did you see? He can't come back. Oh, quit eating people, I swear. No, it was not a good quote. What did he say? The quote, it was something about how he viewed women or people as sacks of heroin, but the sack was flesh.

A flesh sack of dopamine? It was. Apology? If you're his PR guy, you're listening to him say this you're just like oh my god Hey army, we could quit saying flesh sacks Can't be saying flesh sack we're trying to get you back. You're as PR guy though. It's you're fucked the exact quote though is like insane How do you bite the heart of a living animal? Kalimah You don't have to take it out to bite it How do you bite the heart of a living animal? Cali ma. You don't have to take it out to bite it?

If you crack the ribs open, you can just bury your face in there and become God. We have Glenn Powell now, he's done. Yeah. Army hammer. That doesn't get me going. No. Cannibalism? Eating a person?

Yeah, I don't know. Everyone that I know who went hunting for the first, go back to that quote you highlighted. No. Cannibalism? Eating a person? Yeah. Yeah, nothing. Everyone that I know who went hunting for their first, go back to that quote you highlighted. Everyone I know who went hunting for their first time had to do something similar to eating a heart. What? A beating heart of a living. Oh, that's not true.

It's a classic initiation. Everybody's. So where I'm from, if you kill one, you do have to take the liver and take a bite out of it, but I've never heard the heart. That might be a Wyoming thing What good jacket I like that jacket Is his name army hammer without any relation towards the brand no, I think that Thing is his family

So they named him army. Yeah, he's a he's a baking soda named after the big air baking soda magnet and cannibal army You know what men are wearing this fall It's baking soda weirdly named Yeah, be baking pop Midwest here. Oh, you'd call it coke. I don't know what I don't know what I would call it, but it's a powder It's not and it's it was it's not soda I use it more for keeping my fridge on stinky and

Volcanoes I use it as a performance enhancer for a while, and I swear to God it works What do you mix in your water snorting it something with it makes you work out longer without feeling shitty How do you take it in alkaline can't be good because I was also erupting People were sort of like my peg bags of dope with skin on them. Yeah, no, dude. I don't like that. That's something a normal guy says. He then takes that photo and posts it.

Let's go with literally any other metaphor. My dad always said the opposite. His bags of dope were his friends. That's right. They were like people to him. Yeah, but he's from the South. He thought dope meant pop, right? Everything means pop's right. Yeah, that's right. They were like people to him. Yeah, but he's from the South. He thought dope meant pop, right? Yeah, everything means pop and coke.

Yeah, yeah. Can I get an orange Coke? My grandfather would always ask for an orange Coke, and I'd be like, all right, grandpa, we're going to the home. Orange Coke. Orange, they do. Is that real, is that like, or is it like just 20% of people?

It's over exaggerated. Sprite is Coke. Right, it's exaggerated. Wisconsin does something weird, they do pop right or soda I don't know what they do. We do pop here They call water fountain something It'll be like if we're talking about going somewhere. Hey, let's go Let's go down store get a coke then we go there and I get a sprite

So you don't call the actual thing that you get that but you might say the active or yeah You get a beer at dinner tonight, and you'll say no. I'll just have a coke something like that. Yeah, they probably say hey Let me get one of them cold. Let's go get some cokes. Yeah, we do say cold beer Let me get a long sip of that cold beer. Yeah, what you doing tonight? Oh, you're gonna find some cold beer Yeah, see this is rage bait that one little soft drink area. Nobody's what is that? Charlotte I guess that's huh. Yeah, what is that? Why do they call it a soft drink like what does that even mean? That's a Queen's English And how did that that's the Queen City? Oh one soda bubble get the Texas

If you look at the map like over the years Unbelievable takeover by soda it used to be very small. Yeah, coastal elites, man, the media. They bring it in. Pop made you sound like a simpleton, I think, with the PR campaign. There was a conscious effort my father made to make us not say pop and to say soda.

Really? I made the switch. I'm still pop. Well, that's the 5,000 Pound Sisters show, too. So, SOTY Pops. Yeah, they say both. SOTY Pops, yeah. Five what? 500, 5,000 Pounds, the 1,000 pound sisters show to sody pops Five what five hundred five thousand pound thousand pound sister one thousand five thousand

One of them lost a ton of weight and looks worse than Sister believe it or not Be hot as fuck Totally smash the other got arrested for like possessing weed at SeaWorld or something what yeah Those giant bitches always have a boyfriend Yeah, they were disgusting yeah, I'll bad for them they had forehead fat mm-hmm that's advanced yeah They look like Jack Nicholson Yeah, I just I never watch any of that trash TV with thousand-pound sister. Oh, you're missing out I was I had never been drawn to it either kind of repelled

Yeah, I don't know why do you just like you're going along you watch it for five minutes, and then you just hooked I've been a TLC head for a long time. I was I was big on the Duggars like big on the Duggars for a while That's a huge family. They're bad right. Oh yeah, they're bad people a bit. I was a hoarders guy I had a hoarders little people big world there. They are got in trouble. They got in trouble as well that whole family broke apart That's the thing what happened with the women the Duggars the Duggars one of them. I'm sorry So what'd you say you watched hello women the Dallas one? They had a lot of little people shows on there. That's for sure yeah But TLC back in the day. I remember when I was like a little kid they would show full surgeries

It was like a surgery channel hearts with no blur or nothing I'm seeing a liposuction so I was like eight years old watching like a baby There was like a vasectomy a bit like a c-section all this stuff like I was young watching liposuction Yeah, a lot of lipos and there was no blurring or anything and so you could just like watch that on TV a good old days Yeah But the Duggar was at the oldest son who was a creep or something big time Yeah, like but how so? I forget. I think his name was Diddley Dug.

Oh, is that what he's doing? Probably. He had all those kids laying around. Yeah. Well, he did go after some of his own. Yeah. How do you get attention, you know? Yeah. Fuck the hard way.

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That's a good one. What are these were these delivered by uber eats that sure was a good one. Oh, what are these? Were these delivered by Uber Eats? That sure was. That's a fine company. Oh, Sam, look at you. Yeah, yeah, no, I'm a company man. I put it in up here and then it comes out down here. Thank you, it works. Are you, oh, nevermind. Hey, I have a quick admin note.

Yeah. The Mackenzie Dating Show. Yes. If you applied, check your Instagram to see if a certain account followed you last night. Because when we asked for submissions, we forgot to ask for email addresses. So I've had to go and request,

I've had to create a social media account and an email account and request to follow 110 of you individually on social media if you were requested You're into the next round and I'm gonna be putting in the criteria Today okay for you to email me dating show is this to date Mackenzie. Yes Oh, that's fun Yeah, also if you have anybody that you have in mind that you're like, this person would be great for our fancy. There's a stud in town named Lou Michaels

who is perfect for anything you guys need. Really? Let's get Lou Michaels. I hung out with Lou last night, and he was like, you were a Barstool dude? I applied to be a custodian. They said that I wasn't qualified. Oh, we gotta get him.

Consider him in. Link him. Is Lou Michaels his actual name? Lou Michael is his name, but I call him Lou Michaels because when I first met him it really hurt his feelings. Yeah. But he's hilarious, he's a great comic and he's built like, you know,

just a fucking big old shit house. So yeah. That's the guy we want. That sounds perfect for him. Let him loose on this Mackenzie dating show. Okay. It's very kind of you. He's a good guy.

This is our second dating show we've done. Who was the first one? Our guy, Jake Malisek. Oh yeah. Malled by Malisek, that was a good show. Yeah, it was great. He was down on all of them? Twist at the end.

He's gay. No! And asexual. And asexual. He got fired for sure. He had to move to Florida. Yeah. He's down.

Nope. He's down in Tampa. He's covering fan boat racing. Gruden's gonna scare him straight. Yeah, yeah. Oh, he's that guy. He's Gruden's guy. Yeah, He's covering fan boat racing. Gruden's gonna scare him straight. Oh, he's that guy. Gruden's guy. Yeah, he's Gruden's guy. Yeah.

You should do a show called Groomed by Gruden. Okay. Yeah. You're an idea machine. You know, it's easy when you're in a good situation surrounded by fertile soil. You're an alliteration guy. Oh yeah, it's really easy. Rhyming is a good comedic device too that everyone seems to be afraid of, but I'll use every part of the buffalo.

You rhyme up on stage? You know, I'm trying to entertain the people. I don't want them to think for 60 minutes. I actually really appreciate that. Any type of device. Yeah, it's good. I think it just makes it more fun. I mean, I've been slapping my belly after the punch line. Yeah, I like that too. I was shaking keys for a while.

I had a gun up there and I'd say, this is when you laugh. That's good. That's funny, yeah. Put it in my mouth. Get some every time. I like that. It's so hard.

Yeah, you should, what other, now what's Mackenzie's deal? She is brilliant, cute as a button. She got into Barstool by doing, what would you even call it? We would have clips that went viral and then she would reenact them, like perfectly to a T. It was just really funny.

She'd be at lip syncing viral videos. Lip syncing, I guess. But on the tech side, what exactly does she do? Macrodosing. Well, she does, produces macrodosing, but she's always fiddling away on her computer. She's smarter than a computer Like a real desktop

I do technically I do not really use it much. It's sad I used to Obviously right we all did I say I guess of a certain age Computer were you ever issued a work computer? I was I'm not here. Oh here No, but I so they're not even out anymore. Yeah, do you have one? Work computer I have one yep, that bar still a bar still work. Yeah, where haven't got a new one here It's my bag and the mostly sports studio was last time it was opened I went all time. I look for shoes on it. OK.

Yeah. I've been thinking about blogging this week, too, for SNL 50. So I might blog by tomorrow. Dude, every time we play the dozen, or if I do a guest spot on a different podcast and I'm not here and I'm at home or whatever, it just paralyzes me.

Like, whipping up a laptop, and it's it's crazy how fast that happened I used to live on my laptop. Yeah, same, but I have I'm just like I'm technologic I fuck I got to update my browser god damn it. This is gonna take a this can take an hour I have no idea anymore It was like a year removed from like being on my computer a decent amount got nothing Oh, dude, I'm completely locked into what my wife, and I call the program trying to finish my next novel by Deadline Oh, I'm like fucking optimized right now man. My computer is my best friend I said I have a rigid schedule

What is the program program allows my wife to be widowed by me without being mad about it? When she was in med school for the first three years like I barely saw her and I would just like slide cold cuts under her door, you know? But I couldn't be mad about it because we were programming. You know, she was completely. Programming, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So yeah, now I'm programming and that just means like

she has coffee ready in the morning and then we shake hands and I see her like eight hours later. Okay, yes. What's this book about? Simulating long distance. This is about a hit man in Paris. Oh cool. My next novel is a very very like, I'm making a pop cultural smash.

Oh shit. No, after we had you on the last time I read your book, I finished it in like two days, I had two five star reviews on Goodreads last year. Yeah, you gave me this compliment. And Ernest Hemingway, Sun Also Rises. Very flattering. You too, the boys. It's a great book if you like dick puns.

Yep, that's what yeah That whole book is just a guy can't get hard so he has to go to bullfight heard his dick in war Yeah, I used to hang out with hot chicks and hook him up with his friends. Yeah, just pines for them. Yeah is rude And just friends. Yeah, he just pines for them. Yeah, he's rude Yeah, you like short sentences and dick jokes Yeah, if you like books without adjectives, they're all just building up to a hilarious dick joke reveal. It's to the point Yeah, 300 pages of drinking at a cafe and then getting your buddy laid. Yeah, it's good guy. Mm-hmm We should have a salon here. We where just artists get together. Yeah. Yeah, we can discuss the topics of the day.

Isn't that what Soho House started as, and now it's not? I don't know anything about Soho House. I think it was like a show there and everything. It started as a group for like artists, and now. You had to be in the industry. Yeah. I'm not really sure what industry.

Influencer. Like the industry. They reached out to me to see if I wanted to do like a series there or something. And I was like. Soho House? Yes, and I was like was like you got the wrong lady. They're dying. Yeah, that's You can't do turning into poopy at Soho house well I could Oh really yeah, love them that great. Yeah, no no no, but I felt bad. I was like that's Be cool to use their sauna though. Yeah, it would be cool.

I assume they have one. There's a place in Detroit called Scarab, Scarab Club, that I really want to get involved in. But I'm worried I'm gonna have to wear a mask and fuck a senator. Yeah. You know anything about it? No, but it's behind the art museum.

The Detroit Institute of Art is like this phenomenal marble building where they just pumped all this money into it back when there was money in the city. There's Scarab House behind it. Yeah, that place, dude. And they're very mysterious. It's for art.

Tell me anything about it. I know one of the dudes who works at the museum and he's in Scarab House and he's like a horny guy and I think that's why he wants me to join because my wife's really hot. Yeah. That's a good reason. What do they do?

They just like, they just salon it up. They have costume balls and like, Oh, it's sexy. A lot of fundraisers and stuff. Yeah. Yeah. But I want to get like, I want to get into the eyes wide shut of Detroit, Michigan.

Yeah. It's out there. Oh, for sure. You got to find it. What did we do, Nick? What was that like, one I like. Chiropractor, spiritual chiropractor on mushrooms?

Oh, in Detroit? Yes. Yeah, we went to a chiropractor in Detroit, who, he got in some legal trouble because he found a dead body and didn't say anything. But you just do mushrooms and he cracks your back. Okay. And then we met a chick there who was wearing a clown mask.

She was like, I gotta show you the cemetery. I gotta take you to Aretha Franklin's grave. So she took us there. What was her name? She had many names. We went with Donnie. The coachy men, yeah. And then she was like, you guys all have old souls.

And she told us who we used to be. And we were with White Sox Dave, and she was just like, you were Hitler. Seriously. Well, they're trying to find new industry for the city so. Yeah. Yeah, clairvoyant masseuses are a big part of that. Yeah, what was, oh man, you would love it Sam.

You know what, I like weird stuff. Mushroom tea and get your back cracked. I mean, I enjoy a mushroom. There we go. Oh yeah. My pants are black velvet now. Oh that's cool. Vanta black.

I know, look at that. Hello. What if I was that smooth all the time? Even when I was nude.. Oh that's cool. Vanta black. I know look at that. Hello. What if I was that smooth all the time? Even when I was nude. That would be really cool. God I love velvet. Didn't somebody bad have the trademark on that dark dark black?

Vanta black? Yeah. Really? Like Shkreli or something? I don't know. Somebody's got it. I'll make that up but probably. Kanye? Does he own a color? Huh? Brandon you can just own a color? Really, I don't know. I'll make that up, but probably

Color huh, Brandon you can just own a color. I mean Right. What? Believe that it's tougher than it used to be It's a lot more a lot more red tape oops you got a jump Very good lot more red tape oops you got a jump very good was yeah the inheritance taxes a motherfucker uh-huh um...

cornflower blue though that's a color right that that somebody else also thought about it on each couple or niche corporate i would be at the end of that i tell me who in each couple or people should be able to buy colors think vanta means the absent the blood. Oh, he's an artist. Okay, I thought it was a bad guy that had it. That shit's so cool. You guys paint?

Any of you guys paint? No. I want to get into painting. I watercolor a little bit. I dabble. You have to be able to sketch first before you get into painting? You can't do that. That's the issue. I don't think you do. That's the thing. I don't think there's any rules. I think you just go for it.

Whenever I get all the paints out for the cal, cover the whole countertop in paper on a Friday and let them just, I put all the mediums out throughout the weekend and they could just do whatever. And then I find myself getting way too into it and then I get annoyed if they knock something over on my section. Oh yeah. Then I beat them.

Gotta. It escalates, but no. No, I don't think there's any rules. So you're trying to instill creativity in your kids? Yeah. Let them make a mess, let them fuck the house up. I don't really care. There's a room in my house where my niece is allowed

to paint on the walls and the ground, and no one can yell at us. And we just go in there and we come out, and it's like we were in a fucking rage. Covered in different colors, our eyes are glossy. That's growing up, I had a wall in my bedroom that I was allowed to watercolor on. And I could just do whatever I wanted wall in my bedroom that I was allowed to water color on. Awesome. And I could just do whatever I wanted

and like my friends would come over and we would, yeah. What is like the Montessori, like they just let the kids do their thing? Is that that? My kids are in a full Spanish Montessori school where they don't speak English at all. And not to brag, cause I failed it in high school. Now they're just gonna be horrible at all languages.

So when they get to regular school, they're probably in for school. Now they're just going to be horrible at all languages. At everything. So when they get to regular school, they're probably in for a rude awakening. They're going to be so good at clay. They're going to be great at clay. And that thing where you lay on the big parachute, I was a Montessori product. I am one. Oh, great. Yeah, there you go.

That's not a bad thing. Wait, so your kids actually will know Spanish probably, right? My, like... How old are they? Like the sponge theory, they'll just know it? My almost four-year-old sometimes like breaks out fluently Yeah, it's cool. You're like English in this house either one of you speak Spanish I failed out in high school and when I try to speak it to him. He's like

Yeah, your kids are gonna talk shit about you guys like right in front of your face What does poota mean your kids actually break out into fluent Spanish not the baby can't speak Yeah, like my older kid my older kid can like the at the teacher conferences. They're like oh, yeah He just like chats us up He's like really getting like really getting the hang of it, but when I try to read him we have like Spanish books and all This stuff he's like But every now and then he'll be playing by himself, and he's just like oh Is that why you do it or you just pull?

mother I feel like the odds of me being a great parent or it's a tough odds against me and so I'm trying to if I could force one thing on him I wanted to be like language and travel and like my foreign language fantasy is to catch yeah catch somebody talking shit about me oh what a dream and like that would be the best wife won wife won't do it. I speak Korean, and these two Koreans are on a train, and they're talking about me. But then they're like- And as I get off the train, I turn to them and say something, and walk away.

And they're like, what? Or like, yeah, fuck you. Yeah. Fuck, that's why. I would love that so much. That's why when it's happening around me, just somebody talking Spanish, I will occasionally just laugh. Like, I got what they just said oh, yeah

You don't know what they said, but I'll react to it. Yeah Finger gun at him. Yeah, just like let him know that I know even though. I don't know yeah That has to that has to have happened to Donnie Nobody expects him to speak Chinese like yeah, right, right true I'm sure he's had moments like that, and I had to feel so good when it happened in Japan I don't speak Japanese, but I'd be on trains and I wish I fucking spoke Japanese because they would point and they'd go That could be like a spiritual thing could be maybe was the year of the board Go bills. Yeah

Hey, nice. Hey, I'm Rick James Like road warrior animal right now. Yeah I wish it was hawk. Yeah you should be hawk. Look at that. Hey come on. They did they and did they own the patent on that. The road warriors. Somebody weird home on the patent on on Zubat. Interesting. Damn. Damnarino? No, it was somebody that you wouldn't expect. The patent on what? Zubaz Pants. That's what that's called. Are you thinking of Pat Riley owning 3P? Yeah. Is that what you're thinking of?

Oh yeah. No, I'm thinking of Zubaz Pants. I'm thinking of... Was it Ohio State owning The? No, I'm thinking of Zubaz. Are you thinking of Dusty Baker in the High Five? Maybe, maybe it was just Bob Truax and Dan Stock. Whoa, I love those motherfuckuckers is Zubaz a take on zebra road warrior animal yeah so they I don't know yeah it's it's zebra but different colors they were very cool and oh the death of Dino Bravo do y'all know how wrestler Dino Bravo got killed

the Canadian mob got him there There's a Canadian mob? For what? Cigarettes. That feels like an oxymoron, Canadian mob. I think the Montreal mob got him and shot him like 200 times. Cigarettes? For cigarettes?

For cigarettes? Maybe it wasn't cigarettes, but it was. I doubt it was cigarettes. You wouldn't throw the matches. It was 30 years ago, but I think he was tied into them and he didn't do something and they got him. It's embarrassing. I read the story a few years ago about the Canadian mob

in like syrup smuggling or something. It's like a big thing. Putting fake, like authentic stamps on syrup that's not real. Yeah. That happened to Monkey Boy's father. He went to federal prison. He did. For syrup?

Yeah. Yeah. Aw. Yeah, that happened to a monkey boys father. He went to federal prison. He did yeah, yeah Now for the folks at home who's monkey boy nobody actually knows he was the alternative mascot for a Very minor league baseball team in Nashua, New Hampshire, okay who became? a cult like figure yeah, Yeah. There he is. Voted second famous in New Hampshire behind the weatherman. Look at this fucking fever dream. What?

That's not a mask. But they're not telling you the full lore. It's a whole thing, but he got, what, kind of tackled, side tackled during a game and then everything. 2011, somebody ran on the field and tackled him and retired him. Like they hit him so bad.

It was like mean and sad. And then the lore kind of died. And then we have Chris Klemer, the guy you saw yesterday who squats doing the movie reviews. He brought it back up. And these two went along with some other people and made a documentary. They found Monkey Boy again. But it's not out yet. It's hit some bumps along the road. Or ever. It's been a long time coming. Bumps is, uh... It's to put it lightly.

Sam, there's a non-zero chance all this is bullshit I got hired here in the post monkey boy phase And I've most people have been the post month I have been conditioned to believe that everything monkey boy is just an elaborate okay hoax of some sort So we'll say yeah, they found him again. We won't see if you want to watch it. You can I have ending monkey boy It's in my tweet drafts. I was like I was just gonna I Was gonna wait for like a big celebrity to come out as gay I was gonna respond to tweets with it don't care watch

Valentine's Day is this Friday Everyone knows our friend Steven Singer the I hate Steven Singer guy. Yeah, he always has your back for Valentine's Day is this Friday. Everyone knows our friend Stephen Singer, the I Hate Stephen Singer guy. He always has your back for Valentine's Day. You've seen his billboards, you've heard him on the radio. But why all the hate? Because of his unbeatable free shipping, free 100 day returns, free upgrades, free lifetime warranties. Stephen Singer is the most hated jeweler by other jewelers. On top of that, Stephen has the best gift for Valentine's Day. Picture it, a real long stem American Beauty rose preserved and lavishly dipped in pure 24 karat gold, starting at just $59. Get a gift that will last. Stephen's beautiful Valentine's Day red rose is romantic and it won't wilt and it won't die. It's the perfect pick for your first rose. Stephen Singer already sold out of his newest rose, the Peacock Teal, but there are plenty

of colors to start building your bouquet with add your own personalized love message and Stephen signature gift box and ship for free in time for Valentine's Day go now to I hate steven singer comm order by 2 p.m. Eastern time tomorrow with Express shipping to receive in time for Valentine's Day that's there's still time that's a singer show the rose yeah show the butt of the road like an okey Nice man, I get my wife a glass rose for Valentine's Day, and then we spoke math Like that Stephen guy We talked about the departure

So I you guys should talk about I think I've heard he doesn't want it to be talked about but who cares he's leaving Yeah, right. Can we bring them are we allowed to bring them on yeah? We bring them on come I'll go get him cuz he might not be watching. I'll go get him. He's not watching no wonder. He's leaving should we do the bird call? because he might not be watching. I'll go get him. He's not watching? I wonder he's leaving. Should we do the bird call? Viva!

Viva! Viva! Viva! Viva! Viva! I think they even got a little sweet. So I made just a list. I was going to try and write a poem for something, because Stephen Che normally does the departures here. He does the song, everybody.

He does the songs, yeah. So I wrote this list of the solely things going through the internet. Yeah, you just kind of. Oh! Oh, no! I think the Viva call gave it away. Yeah. I think he sent another program. Yeah, you just you just kind of oh I think the viva call gave it away. Yeah, I think he's already already spoiled it before you spoiled it So don't worry about it. You know what isn't spoiled me at Rosemont Zany's oh That's right the 14th and 15th come on out for Valentine's Day. I'll be giving away

Diamond dipped roses Wow that is not guaranteed, but what is guaranteed is a decent time. It's okay, Kate. It was, we were about to reveal it in 30 seconds. Hey, it was gonna happen in two seconds. Yeah, come on, Kate. There he is. He's gonna come. There he is.

It's been a long day. Surprise, it's Fasoli. Get in here. Sorry. How do I say goodbye to those fat titties. What's the Aerosmith one? Before that guy dies.

I don't know. Oh, there, there. Sam spoiled who's leaving. Hey, there it is. I can't. Yeah. Back to the Big Apple. It's crazy, it's like I'm nude.

What it looks like. What's going on, folks? We're losing our most racially ambiguous. Yes, just a new York. He's not leaving for Solis mouth Ever ever ever ever so you are returning to the New York office correct Anything you'd like to say about that we're gonna miss you first. I'm gonna miss all you guys I've worked very closely with all you guys for five years not me. I'm gonna miss you first. I'm gonna miss all you guys. I've worked very closely with all you guys for five years Not me. I'm gonna miss you Sam. I'm mostly too. Yes. I appreciate you working I appreciate your pants being the heir to a breadsticks fortune. Mm-hmm. Oh, I do not like that's gonna piss them Li their fae z oli you know how to get under people's skin and their fat their fake Italian

Well when you're growing up in a bad place, it was the only Italian we had. Oh my god, you made me a cake? Double backer. I'd have to do that page, thank you. Oh wow. Thank you. What song do we sing? Eat the Whole Thing.

You got a Viva one more time? I made a list on my laptop of the solely things to mention And then I on my laptop I texted it to myself and I'm looking at my text I didn't get it. So some random person got this huge It's like about supple breasts and oh, yeah, it's me. Yeah, perfect areola's. Thank you. Thank you. I try suckable I can walk my parents try I should say Thank you. Thank you. I try suckable. I can walk my parents try I should say Credit were credit to yes one of my favorite for solely stories. I were we where were we going?

We've been to many places So I can't recall but we were in the airport and facility was just walking straight and I stopped Kyle's like facility's about to go up down escalator and facility just walks straight Try to go up the down. Yes, I was posting a clip for our social channel I know I to walk up down as focused and locked in yeah try to go up the down escalator here That's a classic. It's only you talking. I'll make it look like you're talking okay, okay? This is gonna be difficult. Yep. Oh wow that looks real Thank you guys, this is very nice really appreciate it. You excited to get back to the city? Yep I'm excited to get back I'm excited to the new projects we got coming

out and bigger and a lot of big stuff coming out. That's right. So we're gonna make some great Viva content. Oh hell yeah love that. Oh yeah you're yeah, you're going to, did you, you're gonna be doing stool scenes? Started stool scenes via TV. Now we're doing everything. I'm working on a bunch of bigger projects coming up and it's gonna be a, I can't do that. I don't wanna release anything. That's the,

It's the solely files. We'll get the people excited. Solely files. What are we doing? I know, no. Don't say it till the day comes out. It's gonna be a big spring, summer. It's gonna, a lot of good content coming out. Going back to the New York office, So get the people excited Bring somewhere it's gonna a lot of good content going back to the New York office gonna bring an air horn for every time So long logs yep Airhorn blog a lot of stuff you're gonna rule with an iron fist

No, I'm gonna I'm gonna love love are you any culture of fear? No, I'm not about that when you told me I was not fear Yeah, when you told me off here. You're gonna run the New York office Was that a joke or is that like is that actually your plan? I will not run that off said it's a power back Yeah, yeah, mm-hmm. No, that's the rudderless is that we said no And you're gonna snap him into shape. I heard that you're getting Dave's office. I Would never take Dave's office I heard that you're getting Dave's office. I would never take Dave's office. He was offered $100,000 to get a fuck Dave Portnoy tattoo.

Would never. Turned it down. He said no, not worth it. Who offered him that, Big Cat? It would have had to have been mathematically. I'll do it for half of that. Yeah. How about that?

I said no and I have a lot of student loan debt. So I would never do that to my boss Mmm, damn started out as a man valet at the lobster trap in Cape Cod and oh, yeah, he put his way to the top He's a huge drone guy one of the best Dig that up Pranked him when that's right Wanton dawn was reached out saying it was like a local newspaper talking about failures from the...

Downfall of a low... And you believed it. That was... The biggest failures from this area. Yeah, big Nick Fasoli wasn't happy about that one. Your father? Father. You're Nick Jr.?

Nope, not Junior. Okay. God damn. He's Nickelodeon Please, please Nickelodeon's my father Hi Nick, this is Blay So funny The Cape Cod Ties are doing a piece on the

Downfall of Hometown Heroes We wanted to see if we could interview you for the article We're thinking of starting with your thriving career as a valet At the Fame Lobster Trap And run through the events that led you to being failed a failed drone pilot If you're still local we can meet at the lobster trap to get some shots of you out front. Please let me know I don't know who you are, but this is an incredibly rude text to say so I don't know who you are, but this is an incredibly rude text to say You got to read it in the Liam Neeson voice for six years as a valet and made it out of born

Massachusetts to go live in New York City, and I currently work at the biggest media company the United States I am no quote failed drone pilot my work is displayed throughout hundreds of videos on a major network That has more followers than the Cape Cod Times does that has more followers than the Cape Cod Times does. You sent me this message. But for the jugular. You sent me this message when I was droning in Alaska while you're sitting there cold calling and making outlandish takes. I don't know where you're getting your information from

but you can take my name off any list you have for the so-called peace because I have made more of my life than anyone my age ever did from that town. Oh, you kind of dunked on everyone else on the end. Yeah, that was very rude. You didn't think this would be made public. That was very rude of me. What's the next thing say? That's what I want to say? Honey did you read the kind of proof of concepting it. Oh, okay. Yeah, so that was a screenshot from me and my dad's chat. It was at the, like...

Yeah. That was it. That was it. Was that good? Yeah, but one time Don said that his friend was very worried about his safety that day. After... He's like three drones flying above him.

You found a number, yeah. Sniping him. Was that the longest paper you've ever written? Yes. Yes. The only, I I mean I've done No book reports in my life I've ever only ever read like the diary of a wimpy kids several times. His dad sent it back with seven spelling errors

A lot worse. My dad's spose worse than me Sorry to hear that. Yeah, it's not coming from where you're from and you're a self-made success story. That's right No, I'm still still going. Yeah, I just love what I do Are you gonna eat the whole cake or do we get some please have a lot of this? Yes, good. Um, all right. Can we zoom in on facility? Can you say the line? What are you gonna do what are you gonna be doing in New York a Lot of like big what are you gonna be doing in New York? I'm doing my job I'm just doing my job always

Viva thank you gonna miss you ever gonna miss all you guys. We'll be back We'll see you a lot if this is all it won't be the same This is just for show Danny has this picture up framed on his desk actually not by my choice It just keeps showing up. It was the best Christmas gift ever given But oh my god. All right, eat your cake. All right, thank you, boy. They appreciate you.

Yes, we love congratulations on the next step. Love you for the soul. I appreciate that. I was trying to find the right time for this. I did this months and months ago. I was going to sit on it for a while, but it just seems right. KB, can you stand up for me? Oh my god, what?

Oh no. Oh my god, what is he doing? I was going gonna wait on this one, but it seems right right now. Yeah lift up your seat cushion Oh my god And could you play me out? Their bagpipes under there lay you out. Yes, lift up the seat cushion I guess. Anthrax? Sorry. What is happening? Is there anything? Lack of things. Soly, when did you plant something? Is there anything? No it should be like right under the cushion. How long? Okay it might be in Sam said I don't know people move these chairs around all right the chairs get moved around I know I think just last week. It was last week. They got moved around like that people were doing stuff in here

Nope nothing there. Okay, maybe it's your seat. When did they? It wasn't KB see oh Wait look we got it. Oh wait, that's it. No So maybe it's your seat it might be in dance seat if I got movie switch for years I have a cake in my lap classic for solely seat swaps. I know Here play it KB Is it the whoopee? What should we do all right, but how long was it under there? Did you check Brandon's months? Yeah, is this a flute? No, I hate the chiefs well months could be other problem. Yeah

It was a tambourine That was like a Oh. Oh, yeah. You saw a tambourine remote. Yeah, Danny saw it. Yeah, you should. Yeah, that was in there. That was like a week or so. Of course it's gone. Four thanksgivings. We've done an overabundance of activities. I know. I thought a tambourine remote

would have been destroyed. Would have been destroyed. Oh. God. That would have hit, though. But you thought nobody would know. That would have been the best outro. And I was gonna play you out.

Yes. And you were gonna walk out to the. Well, I was actually gonna sit on that for like way more time and just call you one day and be like hey check your seat cushion Yeah, I think you put it you put it under there after Kyle had the gummy bears under yeah, right that was months ago Yeah, that was so much better than who the fuck's doing that was the best case Where is the tambourine? Where's the tambourine? Red the tambourine tj right over there it's in the red yeah yeah it was red go is

during the case oh you found it during the case okay what the fuck is this I thought it was a KB bit wait Kyle you didn't know notice that under your seat wait actually just it was LL whoa fucking tambourine the whole time I didn't even see it a magician play. Play him out, KB. A sad tambourine. And where are you going? Yeah, well, it made it all the way from the end to the case race.

That's incredible. Yeah, it's impressive. All right, KB. Thank you. Thank you, everyone. Yep, play him out with the tambourine. Bye, Fasoli. Bye, Fasoli.

Viva. Viva. Viva. Viva. That boy's full of surprises. That's the loudest one. Yeah. How long was that under the seat

before someone found it? Like probably five hours? Hours, hours at the most. You would feel that under the thickest of cushions. Easier to hide a violin. I would know, I just sit on a fucking tambourine. I would know exactly what it was. No, no and it was oh

yeah I'm gonna miss on call gonna miss him yeah you love that dude he's a cool guy I love the cape oh yeah mm-hmm I love shitting on all of your peers when you're defending yourself I've definitely done that you think I'm a failure how about these guys just sends pictures of people with their numbers reach out to them yeah huh the damn thing is mind-blowing that he thought he could hide it what it was Thanksgiving months and months and months it would just sit there Wow why did the length of time I'm sure in his eyes did any yeah his head was fucking awesome he could have done that this I would have taken it out and and said it's been under the well that was there for months

The length of time see you man, so if he wasn't gonna do it now when was he gonna do it he was waiting For months the right time probably a good time Yeah, that would have been the time you did sit on that for like at least a month He showed me oh, I must I mean you were also eating a bunch of small symbols at that Solely man that was great We were in remote Alaska in an Airbnb and facility was our camera guy for it And he came up to us and he was like, do you mind if my uncle comes over? What is he, like a fisherman?

No, he's a black high school football. He was the biggest black man I've ever seen. Just came over and had done it. In the middle of Alaska? Fasoli was a black Alaskan uncle. Last year. A big Alaskan black uncle. We called it a baboo.

A baboo. Yeah, that's right. Last year, Fasoli had moved here a couple weeks before everyone else and there was like a tornado watch going on in Chicago And it was getting pretty serious the alarms are going off and everything and he texted me He's like hey, man. I've never been in a tornado. Like what do I do? I'll mail I'm freaking out and I say usually everyone just goes down to their basement under the stairs and gets in the fetal position He goes, okay, but until this day, he denies that he actually did it,

but I'm pretty sure he did. He had to have done it. He had to have done it. Just the image of Fasoli in the fetal position. Sam, what's your favorite Fasoli memory? You know, since Fasoli walked into my life, it's been really hard to gauge time. Yeah.

You know, cause it's like, it's like when you look at the sun, you know? Yeah. And then you turn your eyes away and all you can still see is the after image of the sun. That's Fasoli for me. He always looks like he's looking at the sun. Yeah, he's squinty.

Squinty. Because that's how bright the future is for him. Right. God damn. Yeah. I'm choking up. Fasoli. Titus, you don't seem too banged up. I'm just thinking, I'm just,

my brain is just going crazy thinking of all the the memories and like if I had to pick like one so maybe I Walked in the office one day How's this like what's up for soul and he's like hey man? Oh my god And then oh my god, and I just kept walking I just kept walking That's probably that was him man. That was just who he was at his core That was pretty much it. Did Brandon sneak out?

I think he just left. I think he just went home. Oh, yeah, the snow. He was talking about maybe trying to do that because the snow is going to ruin his life. Can't you just go like, hey, guys, snow's coming. And I live far away. I'm gonna leave.

He's playing the exact situation. Yeah. This is the worst. I don't wanna do this. I don't wanna make a regular habit of this, but it is an unusual snowstorm, so I'm gonna leave now. I can fill in. That's all you really have to say.

I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, hellfire. That's foghorn, leghorn. Well, you know, I'm not good at impressions. Clocksdale We have a rough-and-routy main event announcement official whoa hit us with it Patrick Mahomes senior versus John rocker April 19th we also that one coming out About time is to hate each other oh boy

Did About time. Those two hate each other. Oh boy. Did. Yeah, these fuckers hate each other. Do not like that. Oh my god. Rocker's no friend of the community. No. Any of the communities. Yeah. Anime Home Senior, is he collecting DUIs? No Any of the communities? No And Mahomes Sr. is he collecting DUIs?

I think so I think he is, yeah He's got a punch card and everything Good God New Orleans is a crazy place to get into a heated argument with a black man Yeah Rocker must be filled with Just a fucking acid that I don't even know about do they have a history with baseball like do they they?

Play together or something and hate each other then or oh did yeah forgot he played is there some sort of past What's John Rocker like John Rocker wanted to fight everybody bad guy? Yeah, he's some statements. Okay. He's opinionated. Okay. Alright. I was just watching a random season of Survivor and he was on it. He inspired Kenny Powers a little bit, I think. I think he did, yeah.

I think he inspired Kenny Powers. But Kenny Powers is not an anti-Semite. Let's clear that up. That's true. I'm not saying John Rocker is. I think he hit all the bases in the about the New York. Yeah He said, New York City. Yeah Yeah, and on the show like he it was awesome watching him slowly unravel into John Rocker

Yeah, by the end he was just calling in one of the Indian girls a man I was calling her a man? Well, he told her she looked like a man. Oh, okay, okay. Big difference. Interest, is he married? I think he now has a black significant other. Oh, there you go. Plot twist.

Wow, so maybe he is evolving. Yeah, he's changed. Maybe he was angry that Patrick Mahomes senior wasn't doing enough for the community He was like you need to use your platform. That'll be a funny is like pivot. I got mad Yeah, rocker come out with like beach braids like a girl Yeah Well, that'll be a great that'll be a great bit of content for a view right right right oh You put the candy stripes on them TJ. Yeah, Indiana. Oh is that what that is?

Huh, I thought I was experiencing What are those called those veins you get when you're old Eric Eric goes man You don't have to be old to have a ton of them really I Like what a woman's breasts have blue veins on them. Yeah Yeah, that's supposed to be like look down upon, but I think you think so I don't know they're supposed to women are supposed to be able feel bad about their bodies And I say hey ladies keep it up. No, they're real Embrace the hideous flaws. Yeah, that's stuff. That's gross. I like it everyone else think that's gross

Yeah, that's stuff that's gross. I like it everyone else think that's gross Aside from me, where's my fuck everybody else thinks it's fucking disgusting. You're so lucky you found me My wife gained like she went up from like one Whatever she is to like 180 and med school. Yeah, and she was like I'm disgusting and she had like huge rockin cans Was like insane and she was like I'm disgusting and she had like huge rocking cans and her butt was like insane and I was like you know I love you no matter where you are on your journey you lay on your back yeah oh ladies is pimped too I'll say it Wow mm-hmm I feel like social media too like I Paris filter myself before a video goes out It smooths out the skin and then people DM me and be like, how do you get your skin so smooth?

I'm like, oh, it's if you saw me in person, but I feel like in person not everyone besides Titus is The exception of the rule, but we're mostly like all pretty gross looking even the hot people that I see You see what I do with again shit on over People that you see online when you meet them in person You're kind of like oh, you're just talking about the main cast not the guests. Yeah Yeah, but I'm saying it's not no Paris filter in real life no What's the filter called Paris filter if you do an Instagram story? It's the very first swipe Oh, yeah, it makes you look really great

People ask what you're like these guys are classically handsome. No. No you guys are handsome, but like we take damage to life Yeah, yeah, you could see that. We've been through some years You guys are very handsome Like denying It's all I'm saying. You guys are very handsome. I'm saying up close. That bridge is scorched. I'm just saying. He's like, denaying. I got big pores. I got like goofy teeth.

You can't see that on Instagram story. Keep going, keep going. I'm finding the right lighting on social media and like, parapsych. But if you meet me in person, you're probably like, ah, she has a mustache. It's horrible being on camera every day and just seeing Getting worse and worse

Ever with the camera quality getting better better. You can count every fucking poor in my face now. Yeah, it's Titus again set this one out, but no it's terrible. I gotta always look diagonally. Yeah, he can't look at on Hey, I can't do that. You don't like that on hate dead on here put his face on my pants. Let's see Oh, yeah, let's see how those look yes Can you put Kyle live on his pants? That would be huge. I don't know I've never done this you should make every guess. Oh my god It looks like you're in the sun And for those podcast listeners Kyle Bowers Sam Talents penis right wow this is the big reveal sorry for solely we got real news

But Kyle you look good Anywhere else like and I can just probably just chill here You look like the guy married Britney Spears Ketter line better line. Yeah, you got a k-fed thing going. Uh-huh And you got like a grown-up kid from the show Reese's or recess Reese's peanut butter cups the perfect combo of chocolate and peanut butter. But you know what I've always said? Tell me. Boy, they could be gooier.

Yeah. And luckily, the good people at Reese's, their peanut butter cups may have been even more perfect with a layer of ooey gooey delicious chocolate lava. Don't need to read rest of copy, just talk organically about how much you want. Oh, well hey, you know. What a Segway. A guy like me, well you know what? Segways aren't just scooters anymore. That's right. This cup right here. I Like to bite into it, but it's even better to share with a friend. Oh my god

Yeah, this is Kyle's first bite since Come on Kyle. No no leave leave the nicotine pouch a pouch in mm-hmm First bite of food. Oh, that's a good bite to have for your first one back Hey like that don't you some back in the game? The company segue was one of the most ambitious companies when it started hold on oh, sorry. It's lava time, baby Oh, oh, thank God. Yeah, yeah, try new delicious chocolate lava big cup Reese's available Where all your fine snacks are sold and Hobby Lobby? I'm guessing they got everything. Yeah, they got everything mollo cups Altoona, Pennsylvania. Oh my penis is hungy

Look your fingers penis there's goo on them I'm glad I didn't wear this green top. I could have had the matching kit. That would have been very bad for morale. Is Segway still kicking the company? The guy that invented it died on a Segway. He drove off a cliff on his own. It pivots to other products? I don't know. Remember when those hoverboard things got super popular and everybody was riding around around the reason that those became popular is because the Segway founder Flew off a cliff on a Segway and died and then eventually because of that the Segway patent expired right so anybody could make

Motorized like gyroscopic scooters like that which is why they were so popular and why they got less and less in quality and price Until they started exploding and getting banned and also all the segues so on a mm-hmm. That's right, so they make it anything a segue Segway they initially pitched like when they were starting cities built around segue. Yeah Tj who invented the bra is that is that Sam's penis? Tj put the better of the bra. He wants to see titties. TJ, pull up the inventor of the bra. It was a man who hated gravity. Yeah. Bras, man.

Get him out of here. William Bra. You might watch the WNBA if they made him play Bra-less, you know? Would you? For sure. I want those nipples to bleed. Yeah.

Oh, my upper legs bled last night. Wow. Yeah. You're roughhousing a little too much. Yeah Yeah, it's raw down there upper legs aren't bleeding What is my training right? There we go, let's see how Sam's penis likes that short for brassiere what it sucks for small boob people because like I I

What it sucks for small boob people because like I I Don't have to wear like I get bigger boob ladies wearing them for support, so they're not like whatever I There's no reason I got to wear one, but I feel like I have to because it's weird if I don't this was made So should we go back and look at the first ladies and now that you know which ones yeah, which first which ones were odd Let them breathe and let them knock around was putting who's putting the silencers on and who was Sam Can you think of an attractive historical woman? Yeah, of course Floor is yours. That was our lie detector Now how deep does the story oh there we go go there Megan. We always pull up first ladies

We have I feel like Joan of Arc had like kind of an ambiguous like she kind of looked like the lead singer of the Strokes Julian Casablanca yeah, yeah, I feel like Joan of Arc was supposed to be very pretty But now saying that I'm worried that she was also 14 when she was burned at the stake It's oh she'd be how old now though? Probably like 30. Segway's making that? Who's buying these? Liver Kings.

Let's put it that way. Oh. I feel like malls buy those to put their mall cops in. Dude, in Japan they rip around on those and they're all dressed like Mario Kart people. Dude, I think that's just Mario Kart you're talking about Products don't the natives hate that though. That makes sense. They do. Yeah, those are hate being called the natives They're making it all I guess they're doing well, so Dolly Madison was just jiggling around under there. Oh yeah had it been 1913 it was

She was Well, like the flapper skirts of the 20s they were notoriously braless I think hence the flapping that's why they're called flapper Yeah, I'm feeling 70% of us don't actually need them For support and the 30% of us do It's crazy how I don't have to wear one. You should have got Fazzoli a big old bra. That would have been fun. Yeah that would have been really good going away. He could have flashed. He's a humble man. He didn't want any gifts, any parting game. He just wanted that huge tambourine payoff he's been planning for months. Yeah please I. I don't want any attention Kyle lift up your cushion. I'll stand up. I

Want you stand up for me Don't be shy you stand up for me Kyle. I think he double-check this morning. You look at maybe just slap the cushion Tambourine that cumbersome tambourine is still under there after months Come on champ lift up that seat. Don't be shy now. You can do it. You must have looked for a good 10 seconds before he was like, maybe it's not under there.

He should have immediately known. It's a huge red tampering. Keep looking in place it this morning man. You know who were hot were those ladies who pretended to be dudes to fight in the Civil War? Oh, I didn't know about them. You know who were hot were those ladies who pretended to be dudes to fight in the Civil War Oh About him like a drudgery like a sexy thing to do it's like a she's the man with Amanda Bynes Yeah, Mulan type. Yeah, except you might die. Yeah Be nuts to like be laying down in a

Civil War trench you're just sitting there and then all of a sudden your buddy like takes his blouse off or whatever they wore He just got a huge rockin pair I was dying in a trench the worst possible death and my fucking platoon mate my best friend had a pussy the whole time the whole time you had a pussy this whole time? Kill him then kill yourself Although Yeah, now that you look at him well that woman

Abe Lincoln impersonate all the know you see your happy birthday Whoa how old is he turning? What do you think he is Dead yeah, I think he's dead. You know he never lived in a world with dynamite Abraham Lincoln he would have loved that blew my mind. He would know dynamite for a no dynamite even the concept Dynamite came out or the iPhone or the iPhone But they had they had gunpowder. I don't know how dynamite works think about that There's a cap in there yeah

Brandon would know I don't know Brandon would know I was in didn't jump ship without saying anything no no See for you could eat a little bit of it. No. No it's you know no he didn't live in a world with Smash Mouth No, Smash Mouth rest in peace on the lead singer of smashmouth Yeah, yeah, he died going for a cop's gun Really mm-hmm. I thought really yeah, oh man exploded So stoked he was so excited cuz he was gonna get away with it. That's right. Yeah the political protest He was in Fort Collins, Colorado and people threw hamburgers at him and he wigged out. They think he was Guy Fieri That's not a bad. That's not bad

That would that's understandable. I feel bad for Guy Fieri For being compared to Steve Hartwell Columbus boys really Guy Fieri, I thought he was from Northern, California. You'd think yeah would think well not with that hair That hair says the middle of the buck.ye. Yeah, yeah, that's... Hair says go Bucks. Have you ever crossed paths with him, Mark? I've not, no. At the shoe?

Yeah, at the shoe. Every so often, I'll walk by the shoe and I'll say to myself, maybe today... Is I see Guy Fieri. Maybe this will be the day. And not one time has it been the day. Actually, no. I said Fieri and then you said Fieri, I said Fieri, but there's no way it's Fieri Fieri You know what I believe minorities Him yeah, okay. Yep fuck. He's one of the he's the only Alleged Italian guy with bleach blonde hair

Fuck interesting yeah You guys are all depleted. I think we're here. I didn't sleep your human experiments But you guys have just a drawer full of Adderall in here Used to we call under yeah, I would actually like to have been a shortage huh? Fairy oh, that's why I changed it guy fairy on one of those Road one of those a new Buffalo California oh shit. He was born in Columbus wait, so what?

What? Explain he grew up in California. Well they sent him to cream France. I would fucking love to go to Chantilly No way you went to UNLV Tilly. No way, he went to UNLV. That makes it all make sense. That does make sense. Dude, running reps. God damn it.

Married since 95 to, loyal man. He's a guy I'm surprised hasn't had like some kind of crazy scandal. Guy? Yeah, I wouldn't be shocked. He's too busy. Yeah, like helping firefighters. Yeah.

Yeah. His redemption arc was awesome. People thought he was a turd, he ate slop and loved, and then all of a sudden. He's like a good guy who loves rock and roll It's always nice to know what was his biggest crime ever be looking that way wearing diners yeah, and loving diners mm-hmm It's one of my big comfort watches diners drive-ins and dives the night. I had my first son I stayed up all night holding them watching diners, drive-ins, and dives. I think Tommy Smokes and his dad try to go to every one of those.

Really? Whenever they travel. I went to a couple. I went to one of his spots in New Mexico, like on purpose. Who? Where in New Mexico? I was driving across. It was right across from the University of New Mexico.

Yeah, oh, the Frontier. Frontier restaurant where they make their own tortillas. Yep. Love the Frontier. It was good. Dude, did you guys ever get a chance to go see a basketball game in the pit down there at the University of New Mexico? It is the shit, dude.

I saw Sean Bradley play in there one time. It was great. God, I love the pit. That's on my short list of places I've never been. Bro, you would love it down there. Gyms I've never been to. They have a good food scene, like phenomenal. They do.

I mean, Colorado just steals New Mexico's cuisine and puts pork in it and says it's ours They have their own cuisine right they do Mexican. How does that differ from Mexican? I think that they really it's a lot of hatch green chili based things okay Yeah, because they have like a more of they have more They have access to different fucking vegetables and stuff that they had in old Mexico So they were able to like improve upon the recipes. Yeah, New Mexico slept on. Highest elevation airport in the United States.

Yeah. Yeah, they're another mile high city. They won't shut up about it. They don't. Denver has that. Deceivingly high. Albuquerque on Central, after dark, that's one of the scariest places in the world.

Really? There's gang units on every corner. I didn't, yeah. Yeah, it's like mobile like gang units all over on gold and silver right there on Central. But how's it as a city? It's not bad, I like Albuquerque, I'm more of a Taos guy.

People rave about like Santa Fe and Taos. Santa Fe's Aspen with more beads. More beads. Yeah, Santa Fe's not that great, but man, Albuquerque, a real's not that great, but man Albuquerque a real place One time I was in Albuquerque and this guy was like I like bumped his ice cream cone I had an ice cream cone And he like bumped it and I like turned around to look at him

And he was like you got a fucking problem And I was like with my wife and my sister and I didn't want to get pummeled by one of the you got a point a lot of his tongue out trying to yeah Wife and my sister and I didn't want to get pummeled by one of the you got a boy his tongue out trying to yeah So I went oh And there's acted like I was slow who had the ice cream I had the ice cream Oh, I was looking oh you bumped into him I bumped into him and I was like and he was like you got a fucking problem I was like ah just licked my coat an ice cream cone is the best accessory if you want to play slow

Oh for sure yeah, and if you really want to sell it, you just miss your mouth. Right at the top of the head. The crown of the head. It's my hat. My hat's melting. You start crying. That was a hot McDonald's trend for a while.

The drive through. Oh, coning. The coning, remember? They would hand you the cone and you would grab it by the ice cream. I think it's funny. It is funny. Yeah, it's funny. That's one of the trends. I love I love pranks that are pretty harmless

blanking coning Those were good. Those were good But fuck Farmington don't go there Farmington's a tough place Aztec's a tough place There's a lot of really scary places in New Mexico you try to roll a basketball up the oh yeah That's it. That's the one oh that's You ever try that most men can't Yeah, they say only Kawhi Leonard and like who else I want to do this so bad if you can get it It pretty it bodes well for NBA success. Yeah, we should slant our tunnel

We the whack was a great great conference. I do they still around it's still a conference. Yeah It's not what it when it was like Air Force and like you and I'll arena. I in it, Hawaii I know uh-huh yeah I used to go to a bunch of Air Force games as a kid and you'd see like I saw like grandmama play a bunch It doesn't feel like it should be that hard no it feels like guys should be able to do that I think I would do it. I want to experience it I Want to be humbled by this ramp so badly dude go there. It gets so fucking loud I just do right now. Are you good at distance bowling?

Yeah, super long Yeah, I'm fucking like ten times the length. What is the longest that has to be what is the longest? There's gotta be bowling alley someone's ever made Yeah, I know that they've done long bowling Fuck they just cut this out of slippery stairs again dude perfect beats us to ideas by about six to seven years God damn it dude perfect. They got drafted with a globe charters, too Yeah, they did I beat them on that one. Yeah You were drafted not

That's not a boy. Oh my god Which one is this Kyle that was Jason Belmonte? Thanks, T. Jason Belmonte. They have an average six point two three penis size Beat us by it. I mean, I will be impressed at this rate. Is this a bowling ball or a basketball? What are they aiming for? This is a school bus.

Holy shit. No way. Yeah, that's cool, that's fucking cool. God. They say we don't have culture. Yeah is any other country doing shit like that? What Ireland does then, that's a fun

or not fun sport to watch. The road bowling. Irish road bowling. I don't know where it goes. What about the roll the cheese down the hill? That's cool. People were just dying doing it. Why don't you guys do that? Where it goes mm-hmm what about the uh roll the cheese down the hill that's Why don't you guys do that about that yeah, I can do that that's one for you guys You go chase a big wheel that should have been fizzle these fucking coup de grace Damn it There's like there's like one woman who's won it three years in a row she dominates

Really what is that a one like specific? Yeah, there we go. Yeah, look they just beef it There's like an undercard where they do like a youth one they do a women's one I think there's like five or six rolls, and then there's the role this looks dangerous It's insanely dangerous and people have to get really hurt paralyzed on this and they win cheese That's it the whole wheel. Oh, that's steep as fuck. That's not a place is it no way. Oh my god Oh, that's not anything compared to that. Well. I want to do this, but speed did it speed Speed has done any everything. He's cool. I respect. I really like speed like draws crowds of like tens of thousands of people in foreign countries

Yeah, it's it's he walked out in Peru over a balcony and there was like 20,000 people below him just screaming He just barked at them. It was like a Vita Hell yeah But I'm like I want you go like once that first slot you're like, you know what I can do this I can take it and I took it But I want to do it again because I know how to win now I was a good attitude about everything I want to do it again because I know how to win now. He has a good attitude about everything.

Have you gone to any of these big events on your travels like the running of the bulls or the tomato throwing? No, no. And I like, I want to go to that tomato thing. Yeah. I looked for it when I was in Rome last summer, but we missed it. I don't like, I like, I'll go to, when I'm in Japan, I'll go to wrestling. Okay.

That's fun. And that's like a big like part of their culture. I missed the rice bowl. Apparently like American football is the second biggest sport in Japan after sumo. And they have this thing at the Tokyo. I miss the rice bowl. Apparently, American football is the second biggest sport in Japan after sumo. And they have this thing at the Tokyo Dome called the rice bowl. It's January 3rd every year, and it's their Super Bowl.

And I didn't know about it, but I really wanted to go. Never heard of that. But I think the seats in the Tokyo Dome would be too small for my unique proportions. No. Oh. No, because I went to a thing. I saw wrestling at a hall, and I couldn't sit down.

The crowd is just like they internally roar, but they're pretty quiet and respectful. Every now and then they will go like this. It's fascinating to watch. Yeah. Yeah, they're so polite and there's no screaming at wrestling events. There's old men just sitting there like eating soup they brought from home being like very good but isn't that like the appeal to some events like the cacophony oh yeah for sure is it off-putting a

little bit I don't know I mean I come from like American spectacle it's like let's fucking go and shirts are being right but yeah and they're just over there and there's like a woman like fanning herself going every now and then she'll like whisper one of the wrestlers Names then someone will come over and scold her yeah Are you into sumo? I love sumo. I'm obsessed with sumo. I'm obsessed with most fascinating lives I think for athletes yeah the pageantry of sumo I think a lot of people watch sumo and they just watch the clash of the big bulbous bodies But if you don't watch the fucking ceremony leading up to it where they throw the rice

Some guys will take the rice. I think it's salt They'll take the salt out and one guy will just like kind of like scatter it and like stand there You know like you should be smoking and then there's another guy who takes both and like throws it in the air Takes a mouthful. Yeah, and then those two men go head-to-head It's sumo is it's so and it's insane how entrenched that is in the national identity of Japan Like that it really is not it's not just like a tourist thing. It's like a real Yeah, yeah, I mean, that's the only people supporting it. It's a very unhealthy lifestyle But you know what Chanko nabe the stew they eat is actually rich with like vegetables and like clean protein

But it's like a lot is like 10,000 calories and it's the rice to their pounding rice and those dudes bully each other It's like real bad. It's like frat stuff. They'll do like off like donkey walks and like oh, yeah Like if you do if you're a lower-class sumo like a new one And there's a Yokozuna when you're stable you have to wipe his ass cuz they can't reach their own asses I don't want to blindly just say okay. Yes, but, I'm serious. We might we might bring white bar stool Yeah, that's gonna be if you guys ever go to sumo, right, please bring me with you. That's all I ask That's the only thing I want from you guys. Are they treated like a list celebs? They all live in I think it's Ryoku gone is the name of the neighborhood sumo city

And when you get off the train stop there You're greeted with all of their hand prints in the train station, and they're enormous. Sumos have the strongest hands in sport, because they have to grab onto each other's belts. Like that's the whole thing. If you can get that belt control. Dude, and they throw matches out of honor. Like a dude will be like,

okay, I need to get to eight and seven to make it in this basho, which is what they call tournaments. And if I don't win, I'm gonna get relegated down. There's a relegation system. So out of honor, they'll be like, okay, and then a dude will just like bull rush I mean, they'll step aside do the matador and that's like pretty much. Okay. That was that was a nice thing You did for your friend there. Wow. Yeah sumo is insane, dude

Could they play offensive line? I don't know because they are all five foot two. They're oh, I'm kidding I was being racist. They're big boys. I don't know if it translates because it's such a- It's a different sport, it's a different technique. Right, but there's an Estonian dude who ended up becoming the president of Estonia who was over there. The Bulgarians, the Mongolians have dominated Sumo.

They're good at grappling. Yeah, Sumo's just so fascinating. And you can go there and you can bring your own food and like watch them. That's cool. Yeah. It's like an eight hour event. What do they think of us putting on the Sumo pluffer suits and doing it at like networking events? We're like, bleh. Or say Minzy versus Clemmer. Yeah, what do they think about that? They like that? I don't know. I've never talked to any Japanese people about sumo, but I was in Sumo City with my sister in January

and people were like, giving me this lovely, that time. The look, like you wanna. And they walk around wearing the ceremonial robes and garbs. Like sumos, when they're out and about, they dress the part. So you'll see them in Sumo City, just walking around. That's cool. It's really cool.

Do they get ladies? Yeah, or they get, I would imagine. They got to. They are pounding ringlets, dude, you think you had a good A modicum of me never thought I had a chance because of wrestling Yeah, they're pounding it out. There's I believe they are they sing they sing Yeah

They'll like go on like like they're like game shows there and they'll sing and then they bring out their wives and they'll be like, which one of these wives fucks this pig? Like that's a game they have to figure out who's being bedded by the role. Yeah, they're cool. The Hawaiians, they did a big thing in sumo for a while and then the Mongolians took over. Wow, that's really interesting. Yeah, Hawaii's the further most outpost. Now the Americans, the sumo Society is doing a big thing in

Hot Springs, Arkansas in April where they're bringing all the great Yoko Zunas over here and they're making him fight. Will you be attending? I'm sending my friend Chris Pierce who's a cage fighter down there. He's gonna go and cover it. You have friends where you can just send people? Pretty much yeah. That's cool man. For my travel travel show, I wanna make it like, I wanna be like, okay, you guys go cover, it's these two dudes, they're like death metal cage fighters. And I sent it to them and they're like,

dude's like fuckin' 320 with 3% body fat. And I was like, will you go cover this for me? And he's like, oh yeah, it's gonna be nasty. He's just gonna go shame people. Yeah, Sumo. I went to sumo when I was a little kid. My grandpa, that was a boxing promoter, helped promote a sumo world championships at Madison Square Garden. And he got me and all my cousins front row tickets to it.

It was fascinating. It wasn't exactly the same as Japanese sumo because it was one person from every country. So there was a Russian and an American representative and they did like a tournament of countries, but it was a lot of a lot of balls and ass for They bend over in front of you Who's our guys who's like our top I think we end up hiring them all we're poaching. Yeah We were talking mincy come before someone DM me a good idea I put it in the group chat, but TJ have you found more context to that or a longer clip?

It was in the middle of a halftime show yesterday. Oh the Illinois. Yeah, yeah It looks yeah, it's like two guys linked to each other with Bungee cords back to back. Oh, no Teach before you play it may I talk about raising canes please we've been waiting okay? Okay, fucking honored all right all right We were enjoying raising canes all last week during the show and of course Had to have some box combos for the big game on Sunday their tailgatesates of 25, 50, 75, and even 100 chicken fingers are the perfect option to feed your family and friends, especially when you add jugs of freshly squeezed lemonade

and freshly brewed iced tea. Everything's better with jugs. Absolutely, and it's a delicious choice that everyone can agree on. Go to RaisingCains.com to place an order, and follow along on all Raising Canes social channels to keep up with the latest, including which one of your favorite celebs

is hopping into the drive-through next. Raisin Canes. And if you wanna be kept abreast of my goings on, samtalent.com, Vancouver, St. Louis, Marion, Illinois, Indianapolis, Cleveland, DC, come see me live, the American equivalent of Sumo, I wear a diaper, my balls are exposed, no one believes I fuck my wife

Did you ever did you have a show last night? I went over to Lincoln, La, okay? Look at this This is gonna. What is another trying to do what that's I think they're trying to grab the thing and then bring it back to their Own and baseline so like there's two bags there. I think they're trying to pick it up and pull it back How could they ever do that though? How could they drag him all the way? Yeah, I was half court dig Oh my god. I used to work at a minor league baseball Team and they had an inter inning promotion that was like this except they were in sumo suits And it ended because one of the participants had their arms snapped their culture is our coffee It's he's just gonna drag Clemmer across the court

Right yeah, probably that's probably seems like an impossible game to win which is why we're doing it Huh you think the clip would be longer right yeah Didn't give us much. That's all you need you guys ever had rocky on here the mascot from the nuggets Surprisingly no he has blue hair. He's insane saying we might have is he cool with dinger? Oh? Don't bring up dingers They're not cool. They're not cool rivals local cross town rivals in Rockies like the crafty vet Who's been there since day one? You know and then dinger comes to town all that press around yeah, he was the highest paid mascot. I think rocky yeah

That's right. Oh, he was the one paid mascot, I think, Rocky. Yeah, that's right. He was the one that passed out while coming down on that. Oh, that was him? He almost got Owen-hearted, dude. That was so intense. That was so intense. Yeah, Rocky, but now he's taking the head off and going on local podcasts that have like 30 listeners.

No way. Yeah, and he looks exactly like you'd think a dedicated lifelong mascot mascot would look like yeah, so he's not a mascot anymore or he is I don't know if he's still Donning the cougar head. Yeah, but I do know that he's like going that was so funny It's funny every time dude I really this is terrible got he actually crumbled there was a comic in Denver who hung himself oh had a wake and then my buddy was like hey now we're gonna show a clip from from one of Mike's sets and they showed Rocky Favorite mascot all time boys. Who do you think? Oh, man?

Fnatic is our local guy this Yeah, he like touch touches people right he's still popcorn over everyone Philly fanatic is our local guy this any is any the bulls on a show every time Yeah, he like touch touches people right he steals popcorn over everyone he makes fun of bald men He's a pro at behind-the-back half court shots. Yeah He's an athlete that's like the trajectory for dude perfect guys It's like you're dude perfect you make a bunch of money, and then you retire into just being a mascot mm-hmm Our other guy Tommy Hawk he once beat up a fan is that the black hawk whipped his ass Yeah, that's because the fan got the the fan deserved it, but he threw the fuck down on him There's that clip out there somewhere does do the white socks have a mascot yeah, I forget his name

He's like this big light green fuzzy guy Come on come on. I've come to love the Colts the Colts guy with the hip thrusts themselves The Colt the blue oh he loves to hum So fun yeah What uh would like another team when the visitors miss a pivotal field goal? And he's just standing under the uprights like thrust in his dude. I was walking on Bourbon Street and on one of the balconies I looked up. He was just up there like partying Copying the fanatical. He's got two nose noseblowers. I think it's just a nose

I think it pops out He always destroys yeah on the football game they do yeah, he tackled the kids too Yeah, he does yeah I think it's got to be tough because I remember we met when Gritty first came out. He came to the original New York office, and it was kind of a hot guy in Gritty. And I feel like you're at the bar, you just finished up this game where thousands and thousands of people are cheering for you,

and you're trying to talk to a girl, and there's no way she believes you. That you're Gritty. But I don't think I would tell you that. Yeah, would it help? Dude, yes. In Philly, yeah. 100 million percent, yes. Girl, and like there's no way she believes you that you're that you're gritty Yes, I think anywhere it would work that would impress me That's how he settled his paternity

More that there's a littler guy in there. They're so funny Mascots they're just like us You guys have a barrel man in your high school sports. Was that a thing? I got my fella who would just go in a barrel wear a barrel. I was a barrel., I thought that was somebody who lost all their money gambling in the Wild West. Yeah, exactly. Yeah It was the broken down prospectors why do these always choose a barrel yeah They would wear just a necklace with a barrel. It was like a barrel to suspended right like you know Get your floss down after you were skinny dipping. Yeah, yeah, I mean barrels were like when back when Cooper Smith's for making barrels. I don't think that they were cheap No, yeah, I was the barrel man my senior year, so you want to the games in a barrel I would wear a barrel, but it was a rodeo barrel, so it wasn't made of wood

It was like a barrel racing barrel. Okay. I remember one one time I went just in my undies, and I was chastised still didn't win class clown Peek the barrel no cuz David brew who someone reached out He said Bruce doing very well shout out David. Oh, yeah nice mm-hmm the funniest guy at your school. Yeah, yeah sure Ever and always no we gotta get him on the back man. No you're some quotes no I'll be rolling Bro you're staying brew On the meatloaf we used to get roars

crushed I mean just saying San Diego whales vagina got whales vagina. Yeah, yeah, just say yeah that worked. Yeah That's the funny guy at our high school would always pretend when he there's like a group of us girls sitting He would always go oh damn these high heels And then he would fall on to us and like like roll around on us. I mean You would roll around on you you'd be like got you guys The funny guy in high school is either movie quotes are falling yeah, or like pretending to be a girl. Yeah, that makes it both got us. I'm a girl I'm a lady there's something about him. He's so funny

Remember brew was like you I just I was like I look I'll be funny, but I'm not a fucking clown 17 years old integrity I'm not a fucking clown 17 years old integrity Sunglasses you were trying to memorize anchorman lines. Yeah, I couldn't get it Old school was the big one. That's what that was that was he dodgeball. Oh, yeah I saw a spanchero a week before my friends and talked out of my butthole and I've been chasing the high from that They didn't know they thought that was a Titus original and I debuted the butthole talk and I Mean, I thought I was God. Yeah, I thought I was God when gold member came out. I

Saw it like opening night with my dad then I went and did all the bits I saw it like opening night with my dad, and then I went and did all the bits The first time I ever hang out KB was I was in we were both in college it was at a I was at a connect for tournament in Morgantown and You were just doing Bo Burnham lines to me, and I was like this kid is gonna make it big I did that in high school you didn't build Bobo and it worked. Yeah I don't wanna make it big. I did that in high school. You did a BoBart? Yeah, and it worked.

Yeah. Yeah. That was the game. Like, joke telling used to be just repeating other jokes. Yeah. In the labs, we're just- It was respected as that. Not for all of us.

Some people were trying to create OC. OC, yeah. Took me a while. Worked 60% of the time, every time. Yeah, see? You're funny as fuck. Dude, this guy's great. Yeah.

Yeah. Invite him to the bachelor party. Every time yes, you're funny as fuck dude. This guy's great Invite him to the bachelor party oh Man uh all right anything else TJ. I'm spinning the wheel Sam. Do you want to do the gauntlet? No no cool Chase big questions, what's the perfect pool weather hot hot? How many times a month are you drinking chocolate milk Titus? Yeah, maybe. Zero, 0.5. Zero. Have you been in a pool when it's kind of like misty?

You know what I mean? Oh, but it's a little foggy. Kind of foggy? Go out kind of in the morning. That's special. That's nice. Yeah. The best I ever, there's a hotel in Northern California.

I'm blanking out, the Madonna Inn, and it's kind of a famous hotel. Every room, me and my ex husband, we had like the caveman room, and it's like every room has like a theme, and then. You got the caveman? Whatever. Is that just a cave?

Every room is themed. Look up Madonna Inn, it's really cool. But they have this pool, you have to like go up this kind of mountainy California path, and it's one of those pools where it starts out like an inch deep and it gets whatever, and it was like misty, it's like, had the mist on it, it was like a foggy morning. I'm laying on my back, but was superheated And there's just like like alpine

Antelope or something like that like on the thing above me. Hey, this is crazy the Madonna Inn is awesome Yeah, it's really cool. The dining room there is like incredible. It's like you go back to like the 1950s best steak I've ever had in my life Anyway, that was my foggy pool anecdote for you Serious research the pool was incredible. This is really cool. It was like did you cosplay as cavemen? Did he say whoa so we have cavemen could do it. So yes, we did. That's what we did that night. We did the Who's that guy cocaine? Yeah, cool. Yeah, all the rooms are themed. Oh If there's any listeners in Denver, Colorado

This is a personal plea for me if I may use this platform Pandaria la be hot Colfax and Logan is closing because they can't no one's buying their stuff. It's my favorite Restaurant in all of Colorado, please go support them if you can. Yeah, there we go. Seems easy. Yeah Yeah, it's very easy. Fill it up. What do you like from there? Oh dude their green chili is like maybe the best. Yeah smothered burrito green chili. Or if you're my wife chicken burrito not smothered please don't smother it. Can you cook it in a different room? Yeah. Pandaria love Bayhaw. The barrel of fun. We should go here. It rules. It's like, the food is incredible.

Good God, this is awesome. The rooms are amazing. It's in Esselo, slow. Mmm, San Luis Obispo. San Luis. Which I've heard the ravest of reviews. It's got like a volcano plug sticking out of the ocean that's really cool.

Yeah, it's a nice spot, good surfer spot. Yeah, there's the caveman room. There's one back. There it is. Love nest. I almost had sex in that room. What do you mean almost? He was too tired.

Ha ha ha ha. From fucking somebody else? Be sure to check it out. Yeah, the odds are high, turns out. Odds are high. What a scumbag. Oh, the slave room. Wait, what?

Ha ha ha. It's not good. Oh man. Alright Sam thank you for joining us. Are you around tomorrow or no? I'm not. I leave tomorrow. I come out on Friday. For Rosemont. Zany's Rosemont this weekend. There we go. Alright. Thank you for having me guys. It's so much fun.

Oh you're awesome. Uh oh. Wheel. Oh yeah. Wheel pants. Oh yeah that's good. That's the first. It's doing meat spin. Oh, no. Oh, no, indeed. Oh, my God.

No, it's dry. We're dry. Well, I'm not. That's the Yak. Thank you. It's a Yak! Yeah, it's time to talk shop and do a Yankee Slop It's a Yak! It's a Yak! It's a Yak! It's a Yak!

It's a Yak! It's a Yak! Shout out Sam Talent, what a guy. Stay safe out there, snow, lots of snow in Chicagoland. Stay safe out, love you guys, stay warm. Alright, bye, love you, bye.