The Yak - PowerPoint Day Gets Hot and Heavy | The Yak 4-4-24

Episode Date: April 4, 2024

I did...?You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Yo, TJ, hold that up. It's the Yak. It's the Yak. Hello. It's the Yak. Go to roback.com. Whoa, that was nice, TJ. Whoa.

Whoa. Whoa. Roback.com. Promo code Yak. 20% off your first purchase. Q-Zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts. We got a little Yakagami going. It's me, Kate, Titus, KB.

Jerry's here for slideshow day. He has a slideshow for us. I think White Sox Dave will be joining us shortly. Did everyone do their slideshow? Yes. Yeah, I threw it together. It took me, it was a lot of work. Google Slides is a little difficult. It was, I felt like I was back in school. Yeah. It did. It took me. It was a lot of work. Google Slides is a little difficult.

It was. I felt like I was back in school. Yeah. It did. Yeah. Tedious. Very tedious. Very annoying.

It was super annoying. Did you guys. Did you guys say no to any of Steven's questions? Yeah. I said no to many. I should have nixed the second one. Yeah. He tried to ask me what if you were a wrestler, what would be your entrance song?

And finisher. That would be a one slide show. This is like the dumbest thing ever. I was anticipating most of these being one slide. What? I did 14 slides. 14? I did a little filler slides.

Did you do all the time? You got like six questions. Yeah, I didn't do all the topics. Okay. I do have a special guest for us, though, to start the show before we do the slides. Sentient? Sentient, yeah, yeah, yeah. Bring them in.

Bring them in. TJ, do you have something for us? Got it. Yep. Golf, a game rooted in tradition with its rules safely guarded by an impenetrable good boys club until I'm going to pull them stacks out. What's the limit, baby? I'm going to max out. Max out. Max out. Max out. Max out. I'm max out, baby.

Max out. Don't make me crash out. I'm trippy, trippy. I'll be splashed out. It's more than putting. Yeah. Oh, my God. Fish out.

Fish out. All this ice got me looking like an idiot. It's Nico Manu. Nico! What's up, man? Can you hear us? Yeah, I can hear you. I just first want to say I'm happy you're alive because we saw a clip from like 2015

and we're like, I hope this guy's still with us. You're with us. You're literally with us right now. Of course he is. Barely, but yeah. So, all right, so we had some questions because we stumbled upon your highlights yesterday. You're a legend. I didn't even realize until we watched that video,

you play full foot golf, like full 18? Well, foot golf is not mine. Schlubbs is mine. Foot golf is a soccer ball okay so but you you play real golf yeah real golf and and and what's your handicap my wrist rightus oh oh okay that was a good answer. Shit. Nico, that ruled. Well, it's true. All right. So how are you doing?

Like, are you still out there? Are you still on the mini golf circuit? Yeah, I'm still doing mini golf. I'm still getting out there on the golf course, not as much as I used to, barring things that have occurred in life, you know what I mean? But I do that, and I go bowling with my foot too, and cornhole with my foot. My foot's my hand, if you want to say. Wait, you bowl with your foot?

Yeah. I score 213. Holy shit. When and how did you think of putting that apparatus on your foot to start playing different sports? After the mishap I had happened to me, I found ways to do things in this world just a little bit different than everybody,

but I'm the same, you know what I mean? And I created them to get myself out there and get life, and I found ways to do it. I don't know. How big of a learning curve was that? how long did it take you before you felt comfortable playing golf with your foot uh you mean when did i come alive uh yeah late i walked in i go guys this is what i created they go go and i uh man i took that course and i can't tell you what life started as i can't explain it the emotions coming out of me because that day who yeah yeah i don't know that that's i mean it's truly inspirational because i mean

you you basically had the accident and you thought you weren't going to be able to do any of this stuff, and now you're doing everything you wanted to do and more. And, I mean, we got to get you up to Chicago. We got to get you doing the gauntlet with your foot. It would be incredible to watch. You dominated because you already said you could do cornhole. Soccer would be easy.

Soccer would be easy. Basketball, could you shoot? You could probably figure that out. I'd have to play like hack and sack, you know, dribble with my forehead and put it up with my foot. I think you could do it, though. Oh, yeah. I'd just have to have a really good soft helmet so I don't get concussions. So what other sports do you play, or is there another sport that you're like

eyeing you're like nico can do this we can we can do this oh i don't know god i i golf with my foot i have a few minutes to golf with my foot i uh sort of play bowling with the pros the day i did the day i beat them it's kind of funny but uh i play uh billiards with my apparatuses uh i invented apparatuses for people with good hands bad hands or no hands to play billiards again i play corn on my foot uh i use blow darts to play darts um i found a way to play you know what i mean i have found a way they told me to enjoy your life the best you can well i found ways to do it and in the process i'm trying to get it out to the world so other people can get out there and look as funny as i do yeah but have a lot of you know so across all sports what would you say is your most impressive foot performance?

Well, I have to say that's due if I'm in the zone or not. If I'm not in the zone, then I'm not good. If I'm in the zone, people are afraid of my foot. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. Hell yeah. Yeah.

All right. So, yeah, we got to try to get you up here and play some foot golf and do a video because we'd love to see it in action. Do you have a video that we could watch of you playing bowling? Can you send it to them or is it on YouTube? I am out there all over. But, look, I have Facebook sites, but I'm not in charge of them. I can't even answer anybody on there anymore. But they're out there. My Shlub site is out there.

It's Shlub Active Sports. And you can see what I've done in my life and what I've tried to do. Yeah. Yeah. I love it. All right. Yeah, we'll figure out a time to get you up here, and we'd love to have you do some different sports with us.

It would be awesome. Okay. I'll tell you what uh i need shoe size of uh when i'm coming up there for each one of you and you got to do what i do and in this way the words that you'd be saying will be yours and whoa yeah i love it great idea i love it we it. We all play foot cornhole. Yes. Yes. I'd love to try it. Yes. Yes. Well, I got brand new cornhole boards that are pandered.

Nine games. Baseball, basketball, golf, tic-tac-toe. I just can't bring them to the... I love it. All right. Yeah. We'll get people to get it on the Nico train. All right. Well, thank you, Nico.

We're big fans. And yeah, this is in the end. This All right. Well, thank you, Nico. We're big fans. And yeah, this is in the end. This is just the beginning of the yak and Nico. Hey, I'll be bringing you happy out. All right. Love it. Thanks so much, man.

Appreciate it. Yeah, I hope I did all right. Crazy. Yeah. No, you crushed it. You crushed this. Thanks so much. We'll talk soon.

We got it. We got it. All right, man. We got to do a We got to do a full mini golf with him. Yeah. That's awesome. Like a decathlon or something. Yeah. He is an inspiration.

He really is. I didn't know he makes them, distributes them. I didn't either. And I didn't know the bowling. I don't know how that works. We got to try to find the bowling. That was inspirational. I guess I do know how it works.

Can we watch his video again? Yeah. Because that was the greatest hype video. Yeah, TJ, who made that? Yeah, DJ Johnson. He's one of our graphics guys. He's incredible. I texted him about it at like 11 p.m. last night.

Yeah. Incredible. And thank you, Josh, for getting us Nico. Golf. A game rooted in tradition with its rules safely guarded by an impenetrable good boys club. Until. That shocked me. Yeah. He smokes, too.

Do we have a clip of him playing real golf? Did he say something about beating the pros? Yeah. Bowling. He said he beat pros at bowling. Man of many foot. A 2.13 is a hell of a score. I don't think I've ever gotten 2.13.

But is it? Are you going to say it's easier? Are you going to say what Dan said? No, no, no. I reserve judgment to say it might be still easier. We'll see when we play. Yeah, we have to. When we play with him, we'll do it.

I want to see how he does the bowling shot. I know. I don't know if you can find an ATJ. By the way, White Sox save, I just texted him. I was like, hey, we're doing the yak. Come on down. He's like, I'm doing the snake draft. So I don't know what part of being on the yak today he missed.

He said about an hour. Did you ask him yesterday? Yeah. He said yes. Well, I mean, Stephenven you talked to him right yeah i talked to him i said that there's going to be a topic for yak today and beyond and sent him the question and told him to google slide in it so yeah we got white socks dave it's fine he'll be here eventually i didn't expect anything oh he's gonna come yeah he said

about an hour okay okay about an hour wait do we have can you find any more of those clips of Niko what a fucking legend that's great he adapted everything to everything I'm going to have Pat build a pulley system I'm going to reverse cowgirl again this is inspiring this is inspiring instead he created a self made attachment

called schlubs which he uses to play Niko uses different attachments for different shots. That's an interesting word for... Yeah, why Schlubbs? Yeah. So he has like different clubs he switches out on his clubs. Yeah, we need to do this. I thought I asked him a pretty straightforward question.

I think I made him cry. Yeah, you did. You got a little emotional. Yeah, that was my bad. That was funny too. He was ready for the what's your handicap question. I think I made him cry. Yeah, you did. You got a little emotional. Yeah, that was my bad. That was funny, too. He was ready for the what's your handicap question. Yeah, yeah. That was funny. Teezy, you want to show

the mini golf setup? Because it's finally coming to form. And it looks awesome. Yeah, it does. Brandon's concerned about it being are they going to drill holes? They figured that out. Look at this. That's genius.

I can't wait for this. I had fun at the last one, and this is going to be sweet. I can't wait to see what little knickknacks they put. Oh, they're going to do wind drills and shit? Oh, yeah. There's certain themed holes and everything, so it's going to be tough. And Jerry's got to do, next Tuesday,

Jerry's doing a Jerry F. Dark where he has to hit a hole in one on every hole. Oh, Lord. You think it's going to take that long? Yeah, I think it'll – because Wednesday's the start of the tournament, right? I think Wednesday night I'll be shooting after this. No way. I think so. There's some holes that seem impossible.

I was just in a meeting about this and was told that there are a couple of holes that are unhole-in-one-able. Good luck. That doesn't sound good. That sounds really bad. He has to be done by 6 a.m. Wednesday or off the court. And then you got a caddy for me. Yeah, and then I got a caddy. Oof. Huh. I guess I'll have to see. How can you say that

with confidence that a hole is unhole-in and one-able? Because you could chip shot it, and you could get creative. I don't know. There's one hole. I don't know where it's at, but it's like a full-on, like, you, and I just don't see how there's a way to get there. I don't know.

We'll see. That's going to suck. Yeah. A lot. I know. You might not be. This might be your hardest. That's going to suck. Yeah. A lot. I know. You might not be. This might be your hardest. Who's going to be the ball guy?

Because you just need someone to just reload constantly. Ryan, I guess. Yeah, just stand there and just drop balls for you. Yeah, probably Ryan. Maybe you can make Lucas do it. I could. I actually could. What's new with Lucas? Not much.

Same guy. I was thinking about actually letting him go until he has a successful third date, and then he can come back on the show. Oh, he hasn't? He's been? He's a two-date guy. Just two dates. What do you mean?

Is it him cutting it off? They cut it off. Oh, no. They always cut it off. So I was thinking about just giving him a suspension until he gets a good third date. He's done several second dates? I think he is like, he's on his like fourth or fifth second date and just never gets past the

second one. Does he have a theory as to why do they ever tell him like, Hey, by the way, here's why. I think they just stop answering them after the, he gets ghosted. Yeah.

And we got to have him come in. I got to, I just texted him, told him to come in. We got to figure out what's the, it's just, so you're always getting second dates. Yeah. He's getting the second date. Yeah, he's getting the second date.

He's just not getting the third date. But if you hear the way he's... I feel like the second date is the hardest date to get. I don't know. Right. Yeah. I don't know. Second date's the hardest.

Lucas, what's going on with this third date thing? State your purpose. Come on. Come on. Right there. You can sit right there. Show some life, Lucas. Sorry.

Show some life. Show some life. What's happening? You're just going on... you're getting the second date but never the third this is this is so blown out of proportion and not really i mean it is all what is numbers why so you're getting like third or fourths no i've only i haven't been past the second date okay so that's so that's exactly what Jerry said. It's the issue. Yes. What's happening? I don't know.

I'm just going, I mean. But you get the second, the second date has to be the hardest date to get. That's what you would think. But then the third is the one that gets ghosted? I guess. Well, why don't you give them an example of that second date that you had when you invited her over and there was no sofa, nowhere to sit. Oh, no. Okay, okay.

So I had a first date, and I'm a bit of a child. I didn't have any chairs in my apartment other than a couch. Wait, that counts, though. No, but if i'm a late i'm like oh there's no he's like making me sit right next to him and he cooked dinner over he cooked it's it's worse because um no you have a picture of your apartment dinner maybe yeah so no no dinner tables nothing oh what about a coffee table i have that that. Okay. All right. You're a Connor. So when you eat dinner at your house, where do you sit and what do you use as a table? I sit on my couch and I use my coffee table.

Got it. So you did a dinner date. So you invited her to your house knowing that you only have the coffee table. Yeah. Well, I ordered bar stools on Amazon to get there and they actually ended up late. I was going to build them right before, but for the first hour of the date, we were just standing up in my kitchen.

Oh, no. Oh, no. What were you guys watching? But I got a second date, The Bachelor. Okay. Yeah. But, all right, so then you had the dinner date, and then you tried to get the third date,

and you got ghosted. Well, the dinner date was the first date. What? Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa. So that worked. There was no issues there. Yeah. She went time out.

She went to your house? She went to your house for a first date? Yep. To watch The Bachelor, and he cooked dinner. And then we watched Love on the Spectrum. So you must have developed quite the rapport going into this first date. Yes. Okay, okay, okay.

For this one, yes. Okay. Because that's a wild move on her and then where was the second date um she saw you at your lowest and you still got a second date yes and then we went out for drinks it wasn't like crazy long um and then it was that one was like a slow fade out like oh yeah you just kept on texting being like how about another date and she was like uh yeah sure sometime no is this the one that you randomly didn't you run to bump into her again was that the same of the same one we're talking about or no yeah i don't know how much i

should say about this because there's more to it that makes it even funnier but i don't want to i think you i think it's funnier you're in too deep you used the wrong word there you could have just said like there's more to it that's fucked up we've been like oh don't touch that yeah but you said funnier yeah um i ran into her here at work oh same girl yeah yeah yeah yeah say that say that say that say that. She was one of the feet? No, no, no, no. Was it Caitlin Walker? No, no, no, no.

Is she employed here? No, no, no, she's not, she's not. She has some relation to this building in some way. Is she part of a popcorn empire? No, no, no, not that, not that, but kind of close. And she was here, and yeah, she was here like a week or two ago. And you said hello to her? Just spit it out, Lucas.

Spit what out? I'm saying- She walked right past you. She walked right past you. Pretending like she didn't see me. No. She texted me. She walked-

Okay, so in that little suite back there, they're doing tours. They're doing tours. She had told me she was coming, and they're doing tours like they usually do around here. So I wasn't thinking anything of it. I didn't think she was here yet. Oh, no. And they're, like, by the quick picks room. You guys don't know where that is.

But they were standing there for, like, five minutes. Which is right by your dad. Yeah, right. It's behind me, so I couldn't see any of them. And then they walked up to the Mostly Sports room. And then I saw her in the back of the line like facing her phone and i was like you definitely saw me you were behind me for five minutes there's no way you didn't see me and she was like oh my god i didn't see you whatever Oh, man. That's incredible, Lucas.

But there's other, how many times besides her have you made it to a second date and not beyond? Twice. Two, right? Yeah. Was the other one similar situation? No, that one was different. That one I had barely known her before the first date, but then we went on a second and then. Just nothing. So let's do some self-reflection here.

What do we think is going on? What do we think?'s do some self-reflection here what do we think's going on what do we think what do you think you can change what do you think the first one I don't know the second one I think I I messed up I think I had thought I was already in the clear got too comfortable yes and I don't think I was as attentive on the second day as i could have been on your phone no not on my phone but more of like it was it was like a wednesday it was after the caitlin clark uh jerry after dark so we were up really late and i was exhausted the next day so i think it wasn't talkative enough whatnot oh no well i'm a third date well we got to get you a first date we got to get you yeah i'm fine with that so yeah so have you even like have you have you even like scheduled a third date and then had it stop or like how close have you gotten

no okay the the one i told you the story about was like that one that one's more complicated you're not persistent nor aggressive enough yeah have, have you asked for a third date? See, I asked for a third date on both of them. How'd you ask? You gotta be maniacally aggressive. I was like, oh, I had a good time. I think you're cool, blah, blah, blah. I was kind of, not open, but I was like,

oh, I think you're cool. I'd like to go on another date. Have you tried calling them a bitch? No. No? That hasn't. Just behind their backs. That's tried calling them a bitch? No. No? That hasn't. Just behind their backs. Okay.

Okay. Damn. All right, so you're, Jerry's kicking you off the team until you get a third date. Oh, man. Might not get back on the team. You did Jerry's slide for him, right?

Yes. Yes. Do you think it went well? Yes. Okay, okay. We had the same idea. Okay. Okay. well Lucas I mean good luck anyone anyone who shout out your socials let's get some girls yeah yeah Luke shout out the social uh Lucas Guido 13 on Twitter is that your actual last name yeah that's awesome Guido yeah that's your name why aren't you guido um yeah yeah why aren't you guido um well actually when i first started here one of my cousins was like you got to make sure they

call you guido anyone i played sports with calls me guido but do you think it's that a lady's like mrs guido yeah did y'all i would want did Did y'all hear gym tan laundry meant like perk 30s? What? Holy shit. On the Miami seasons. Yeah. Wow. Miami?

He was getting perks from the- That was code. It was code word? The tanning salon person was slipping in. They weren't doing gym tan laundry like that. Yeah. Wait, what? The situation went on a podcast.

That was the big thing? Yeah, of course. Every time he was at the tanning salon, he was getting drugs slipped in by the person that was working at the situation went on that was the big thing yeah of course every time he was at the tanning salon he was getting like drugs slipped in by the person that was working at the tanning salon no shit you weren't passionate about laundry i feel like such a loser me too because everyone got on that wave yeah right doing laundry yeah they knew yeah right i was like that's all i gotta do in life is gym tan. Huh. That's crazy, right? I feel like such a loser.

You don't have to do any of that. Just do the perk. Where did he, did he say that on a podcast or something recently? Yeah, I think it was, was it? I think it might have been Colorado.

Yeah, it was Sophia. Oh, yes, yes. I haven't felt like this much of a loser since when Wes Welker went to the Breeders' Cup with us and then the next horse race

he went to was the day that he got busted for Molly. Oh, you didn't do shit with you? Yeah, Dave and were like you're not you don't you're not the right vibe it sucked he's like horse racing and molly like we would have i would have done it if wes had offered it to me that one hurt i went on a two-week straight molly molly binge that's dangerous. Two weeks in a row every day.

I only did Molly for two weeks, and it was that span every day. What were you doing during those two weeks? I talked politics on it. You were just kissing dudes? Talked politics? Talked politics on it. You were talking politics on it? I wasn't even fucking.

Were you going out? No. You weren't touching anyone's face or anything like that? You were touching people? No. Where were you talking politics? In a dorm room. Oh.

Cherry politics. I got deep. That's wild. Probably had some takes, huh? Oh, yeah. For sure. Oh, man. Your brain definitely got fried a little from that.

Oh, yeah. Your brain has been gone for a while. Yeah. I still got some left. You got little. Yeah. It rewires. Yeah.

All right, so should we do the slideshows? I'm excited for this. How do we want to do it? You want to just spin the wheel and see who has to present? So this is all Stephen Chay's dumb questions that he asks us every day on the other sheet. He asks us all separately, privately a question, and then we had to make a slideshow for it. i can't believe you thought it was only gonna be one slide

so i mean i know that there aren't like a lot of powerpoint experts and i google slides it took me a while but i finally like i couldn't have felt dumber trying to format it yeah i couldn't get it to look creative or cool i didn't know how to do the transitions my first one i had them all spin in and everything and then i couldn't that's the fun stuff but then it was covering all i had to delete my whole thing and start over yeah the font sizing and stuff yeah all right so let's spin so za you did one right tj you did one and then we'll just save just don't put white Sox Dave on the wheel because we'll just wait until he gets here. And no one knows each other's topics.

No. No. I wanted to ask for a new one, but I didn't. I didn't even know you could ask for a new one. I would have. The other one I asked for, he said, was if you had a siren on your car, how often would you use it? That's what he gave me first. Yeah. And the answer's all the time?

Yeah. I don't know. It can be risky in real life. Yeah the time? Yeah. I don't know. It can be risky in, like, real life. Yeah, that's actually, I don't know. Well, like, is it like a, do I, does everyone, am I allowed to have the siren? Or are you saying, like. No, you're not allowed to have the siren. Oh.

Then never. Never. Ah, sometimes. No, you could get arrested and impersonate a police officer. It's like a pretty big crime. So I think never would be the answer. No, I live next to a car dealership that only sells used cop cars. I love that.

And they look like, it's a whole lot of cars that look like cop cars. Oh, that's the asshole on the road. See it in the rear view. Yeah, but then everyone gets out of the way for you. Fair enough. Right? They just slow down. Yeah.

Oh, true. Yeah, that. They might just slow down because they think you're going to. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, all right. Spin the wheel. Brandon did ask for one in the group chat last night and then didn't make one.

Of course. Noted. Too busy. Maybe he just asked if they were out. I don't know. He did not send me one. I did send him a question. Those damn video games he's playing alright

let me set the tone I guess I will definitely have the most enthusiastic presentation as you know anytime I get a chance to tackle a Che question, it's a big day for me. So. You ready?

I'm going to move this microphone. I can't see. I'm very excited to see what this is. How bad? Do you think anyone got a good question? I got a bad one. I got? Do you think anyone got a good question? I got a bad one. I got a bad one. I had a really bad question.

I struggled a little bit. I ended up learning a lot. TJ, did you get mine? Oh. Yeah, there we go. If you could have any animal trait, what would it be and why? Okay. All right. This is good.

I think this is good. Yeah. So here this is good. Yeah. So here are my candidates. I had to think through all the candidates. There are so many animal traits. There's camouflage. Yeah, of course. You could go with the...

Look at that. Look at that. Oh, I was proud of that. I was proud of that. 270 degree head rotation. You're owls. What else, TJ? You can lick your own penis.

Oh, okay. Something to consider, for sure. Antlers. Various antlered animals. Your deer, your elk, your other various antlered animals. Okay. You can shit while flying. Oh. antlered animals your deer your elk uh your other various antlered animals okay um yeah hmm you shit while flying oh that would be pretty sick okay uh and just flying oh yeah oh what the fuck that was a lot of shit yeah they shit like that yeah

uh what else did I put on there? You shoot your offspring out of your penis like an automatic rifle. The seahorses do that. Yes. That's pretty cool. I have an example. Yeah, I have the example. Go ahead.

Oh. Whoa. Shit. How'd you get this for free? I paid for that. How did you do this graphic? I'm so good at this. I'm so good at this.

This makes me feel really bad about my slideshow. What's next? Oh yeah, you could be just absolutely jacked as fuck. Nice. 2004 Jay. And then the last one. You look like a UFC fighter there. Yeah.

BJ Penn. Yeah, BJ Penn. Last one is just pouch kangaroo. What are you holding in that picture, Jay? Is that a fish? I think it's a wet sand I'm going to throw on somebody. Oh, God. A sand thrower.

Why would you throw a wet sand? Big time. It's so fun. All right. You opened that up, Titus, by putting that picture in there to the wet sand fact. Oh, you're going right to your pick yeah so my pick yeah i mean yeah my pick is the obviously the the west african lungfish burrows itself 12 to 18 inches of mud and forms a mucus cocoon as the mud dries thereby allowing itself to spend upwards of three

and a half years cut off from the outside environment which is made possible only by a tube of dry mucus attached to the pharynx that allows for breathing um i think that's a pretty classic yeah pretty classic answer um and yeah the other ones were good but i felt like that was pretty obvious so as to the why uh on the next slide tj the why is because um go ahead because you can never be too sure when you might need to burrow yourself into 12 to 18 inches of form of mucus cocoon as the mud dries, thereby allowing yourself to spend upwards of three and a half years cut off from the outside environment, which is made possible only by a tube of dried mucus attached to the pharynx that allows for breathing. Okay.

So there you go. That's my presentation. Steven, are you going to grade all of these? Sure. I can just kind of walk you through. I think that was a really good presentation. Oh. The reasoning.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. The reasoning, the transitions, all very strong. So that's an A. That's an A. Wow. That was an easy A.

Was there any runner-up animals? No, no. I have resting bitch face on this show, which is why for the first however long I was on this show, everyone thought I'm just a total fucking asshole. The face I was making as I was doing this PowerPoint would have, like, I was probably making, like, this face the whole fucking time. I don't think I've ever been so angry being given an assignment

to leave work yesterday and you go home in the weather shit. I'm in a bad mood. I'm tired. And I'm and i'm like just sitting at home i was just fucking just like god damn how do you make the fucking yeah i couldn't yeah i was getting frustrated yeah i told my wife i was like i gotta go do some work she's like what do you gotta do and i was like a powerpoint what i should probably rather i cheat on you. This is fucking crazy. Yeah, so that's what I came up with. Oh, that was good. That was good.

That was good. Well done. Thank you. A. A. I got an A. Yeah. I set the bar high, I guess.

Yeah. My PowerPoint is way longer than that. Mine's way shorter. Really? I think mine's two slides. And you didn't even do it. No, I came up with the answers, but I didn't actually physically do the slideshow. All right.

So A there. Chad can grade these as well. Let's see who's next. The other thing I want. Did somebody point this out on Twitter? Schlubb, Nico's thing. Yeah. Shoe club.

Oh. That makes more sense. I love it. Yeah, because I thought he's calling handicapped people a schlub. Yeah, I thought a schlub is like a doofus, right? Yeah. Like a pud. We're going to have him come up here.

We're not going to have him do the mini golf this week because I feel like he would just win and everyone would be like, what? I couldn't tell if he is still active or not. I think he's very active. Okay. Yeah, so we'll definitely have him come up and do some kind of video him just doing the gauntlet would be awesome i think he could i think he would be better than jeff d lowe at shooting threes that would be the problem yeah

yeah beat jeff d lowe that'd be so good uh all right let's see what the next one is Ooh Zah Hi Zah Alrighty So I got a morbid question From Che Someone pointed out Stephen you should probably grade them all at the end So I got a morbid question from Che Wait

Someone pointed out Stephen You should probably grade them all at the end right Cause you gotta see how they all match up against each other So maybe take notes And then give the final grades Yeah is there a winner Yeah I think there should be a winner Yeah we can make a winner

Okay alright What did you say Zaha I got a morbid question From Che Something I never thought of. Oh, fuck, Zah. No, you use the same fucking font as me. Oh, really?

You use the same template? That's clean. How did you figure that? Damn it. Did you have to hack to get that? No, because now when everyone sees my template, they're going to be like, oh, this is Zah's. Let's go. All right, so if you could live forever but age normally, how long would you want to and why?

And I'd never thought of that, and I had to think of that yesterday, last night. I came up with a couple goals. So I just want to be able to do shit, and I want to leave this earth with nothing left. So we're going to run through the do shit. What's the picture? It's an old man. I want to be able to do shit. He can't do shit.

I don't want to end up like that. Wait, let me take a picture of this. Be able to do shit, leave nothing, balls to the wall. I love it, Zop. That's amazing. Next slide. All right, so we're going to do the do shit that I like to do. So I'm a big sweets guy.

I need to be able to eat my sweets. So that picture on the far left is the Costco cheesecake that I got from last, I got that last Sunday. That's cheesecake? 12-inch. Is that green? 12-inch cheesecake pie from Costco that I got, and that's the current status on my kitchen table today.

And I live alone, by the way. That was all me. Oh, that's empty. Yeah, empty. Oh, that's empty. I thought empty. Oh, that's empty. I thought that was like the grossest thing ever. Oh, no, no, no. It's empty.

What's in the middle? The middle is a typical shopping list kind of thing. We got Cheerios. We got Cheerios. We got Pop Tarts. We got Cheetos. We got GM. We got fucking Gushers. We got Cheetos. We got GM. We got fucking Gushers.

We got, you know, the works. We got brownies. Is this one order? This is one order. This was two Instacart orders ago. So Cosmic Brownies is elite. Scooby-Doo Grand. Oh, yeah.

Love that. And then, of course, you got to have the pizza rolls and all that. This is a high. And then, yeah, the far right is the Costa Dome business. That was like a couple weeks ago. I had to go get a root canal. There's two of them waiting to be done, too. So I need to be able to do shit.

All right, so next slide. The next type of do shit, I don't remember. All right, I'm a hot leaf guy. I need to be able to blow some hot leaf, you know, until it's socially acceptable. But, yeah, next slide, sir. Travel. I'm yet to see the Far East and South America, so I need to touch them two joints, and I pretty much touch everywhere on the planet, pretty much continents-wise.

Oh, that's amazing. Two joints. Yeah, it's the Far East and all that. And then working out. I hate fucking working out. So you've got to be able to do shit in terms of not working. Not work, exactly. I want to live to a point where I don't want to have to work out

and I'll still be able to do shit. That's a great headline. Do shit, colon, not work out. Next slide. Of course, I mean, the work out. Next slide. Of course, I mean, the piece has to be working, you know, horny hours. What's pom-pom? Less of that. Less of that.

That's pom-pom? I never heard of pom-pom. Timeless pom-pom, not pom-pom. Oh, pom-pom. There you go. Sorry, my bad. Timeless pom-pom. There we go.

So horny hours need to still run. And, yeah, I threw that all in an algorithm, came up with an ideal age. Next slide. And I want to look like this and die at the age of 55. You add all those things up, it all adds up to 55 years old. Right. I can't be eating sugar when I'm 70. That's all you can live to 55.

The question was. That's his answer. Balls to the wall, though, Big Cat. It has to be balls to the wall. Most people go beyond a normal life expectancy. Your job brings it back down. You went shorter than that. 55 balls to the wall and I'm done out here. That's great.

55 and you're out. That's a slide. That was fantastic, Tom. Thank out. That's a slide. Alright. That was fantastic, Tom. Thank you, thank you. Timeless pum pum. You can live forever. When would you want to die? 55. Last week. Yeah. At his funeral, everyone's like, it's so sad.

He died so young. We're like, no, this is exactly what he wanted. We actually gave him 150 and he chose 55. You're gonna be the opposite. You're gonna die at like 84 and be like, it's so sad he died so old. That's the thing. I don't want to be a vegetable. It's so sad he lived.

I think getting to 100 would be cool, but I don't know. That question is tough because if you age regularly, you don't want to. You're a vegetable at 100. Yeah. No, there's 100-year-olds. Yeah, there are guys that are. Right? Is Dick Van Dyke still alive

No He just died I think he just died But he was Spry Parker made it to 100 Or did I just keep watching They can do show Biden

Have you guys seen that guy Yeah Dick Van Dyke Alive Alive I thought he was alive Dick Clark is dead Dick Clark is dead

98 98 Wow Yeah and he's like a He's a spry chap, isn't he? Yeah, he does. I think he plays Go Fish and Old Maid. That's what I thought, too. Damn.

Yeah, you see Bob Euchre is doing his 45th opening day. He's 90 years old. 90? Yeah, Brewers radio announcer. Legend. Damn. I feel like it'd be more than 45 years. Those old announcers.

It was more. It feels like they all started. Like, Vin Scully, he's been doing this for 86 years. He's dead, right? Yeah, he's dead. Shit. And then you find out he got the job calling Dodgers games at, like, 17 or something. 19, 20 years.

Mr. Brewer. All those old. But Euchre played. 54th season. Sorry. I got a little dyslexic there. So how oldwer. All those older. But Euchre played. 54th season. Sorry. I got a little dyslexic there. So how old was he then? 30.

He was 36. Yeah, which makes sense for you. Yeah, that makes sense. That's not as crazy. I think Van Dyke is kind of spry. He's doing interviews still. That's what I'm saying. He was on CBS in January.

There you go. Yeah, look, that's what I'm saying. Zaw, you could have this. Wait, how old is he again? 98. Oh, my God. Just turned 98. Dude, look at him.

Did you guys not see what I want to look like when I went out? And do you not see that? Yeah, but no, Dick Van Dyke still gets poom poom. Yeah. I don't know about that. For sure gets poom poom. I mean, look at that. I don't know.

Does Dick Van Dyke have a wife? I feel like he would have like a 50-year-old wife. He's getting the timeless poopoo. You can't be saying that in public. What? You said it in public. You're talking about on this show? You literally put it on a presentation.

The timeless poopoo. All right, I didn't teach you that. Oh, dude. Oh, she's dead Arlene Silver Dude alright I mean For being 94

He's doing pretty good What a backhanded compliment to her Yeah I guess that was mean But still Good for you Dick Van Dyke Yeah You pretty much nailed that Yeah 52 I fucking nailed that But still, good for you, Dick Van Dyke. Yeah. Hell yes. No, she's awesome.

You pretty much nailed that. Yeah, 52. I fucking nailed that. That's crazy. 52, 98. So that'd be like if Brandon was single and was like, my future wife isn't born yet. Yeah. For another.

Like my future wife is about to be born. Oh, man. That's crazy. Yeah, that's wild. Okay, good job, Zod. That was a great presentation. Thank you. I don't agree with the answer, but it was a great presentation.

It's his answer. It's his answer. Am I justified, though? Oh, yeah. No, you had a great reasoning for it. Okay. 55, great reasoning i just if someone said i could live for as long as i want i would definitely

be in like the 90s at least right so your keys your grandkids grow up yeah you would i don't know how much in the hundreds like a hundred hundred one i'm also i'm also working with glaucoma, too. You have glaucoma? Yeah, bro, from my grandfather. What is glaucoma? So four of my dad's six brothers went blind. That's why I wear these. Oh, shit.

Okay, that's not good. No, it's fine. We spotted it early, so I dropped something. Oh, shit. Okay, that's not good. No, it's fine. We spotted early, so I dropped something. Oh, okay. Sweet. Do you think if you knew you were going to live to 150, you'd take your health more seriously? Yeah, you'd have to.

You'd have to, right? Because I think we all work under the assumption that... But then you also could say to yourself... I got an expiration date coming, so who cares? If you knew you were to live to 150, you're like, I can't die from a heart attack it's easier to kick the can down the road i feel like miserable suffering yeah the last 50 years of your life yeah that's true yeah you're right i think i would yeah i think anything late

80s is pretty because there are times where i just kind of rationalize i'm like i don't need to really worry i'm like getting old who gives a fuck like it's just kind of happening it's nice to see your grandkids i'm sure but also you don't want to really worry. I'm like getting old. Who gives a fuck? It's just kind of happening. It's nice to see your grandkids, I'm sure, but also you don't want to hit a point where your grandkids are like creeped out seeing you. Yeah, that's true. Mine will be for sure. Yeah. There's a nice balance.

All right, let's see who's up next. Great job, Zaha. Yeah, that was good, Zaha. We're just getting all these questions out of Stephen Chase's system. Wait, did Mook submit one? Yes. Oh. All right, Kate.

Okay. There we go. Kate submitted hers very early. I did. Oh, a little oh little try hard move I knocked it out quick because I knew if I overthought I'm an overthinker and I'm like if I overthink this I'll make it way more complicated than it needs to be for such a simple question so I said let me rip the band-aid off and just do it no all right if you had the ability to fly, how would you improve the world? Oh, wow. Okay.

And you can just click, keep clicking because it's a bunch of clicky things. These are all Stephen Che flying and bird related posts to just, yeah, not a drill. He saw a UFO. He peed on a plane before it took off. Something about birds. First off, I wanted to, because I overthought it right away. I was like what are songs about flying that i can have playing in the background blah blah and i wanted

to look up and see how much of frank and sinatra impersonator was that i heard across the street from my house this summer and it was too expensive but picture picture a crooner singing come fly with me let's fly let's fly away i wanted to have that in the background and make a whole thing too much moving on um first off i would be an air lifeguard for u.s military paratroopers you always see those videos where they accidentally go into the trees and they get stuck or their shoots fail and they land hard and all the paratroopers i know who are in their 40s and 50s have like the most fucked up backs of all time i would be floating in the air with a little whistle like a lifeguard and anytime i saw trouble at a major jump i would just swoop in and help is that a real career paratrooper lifeguard

air lifeguard no because no one can fly yet but if i could i forgot you were flying yeah if i could fly i would just be floating and looking out i forgot that was dumb as hell i have blow my little whistle i'd jump in there like a lifeguard and help our troops it's a patriot all right that's I would just be floating and looking out. That was dumb as hell. I'd blow my little whistle. I'd jump in there like a lifeguard and help our troops. He's a patriot. All right, that's good. Lifeguard for the troops. Yeah.

Is that a real thing? I don't know how to do graphics, so I had to draw all these myself. Shit. All right. Whoop. I struggled with that. Okay. This one, trigger warning.

I hang out underneath the Golden Gate bridge oh catch my drift you can keep clicking and they'll pop up there's me yeah i hang out under popular bridges and cliffs and whenever somebody i swoop in i have a mug of hot cocoa a warm blanket i fly them around the city show them all the beautiful things i put them in a safe house i'm like don't you come back now okay but what if those people really want to die too bad i'm under the bridge are like now instead of dying i'm gonna kill a bunch of people that's that's tough i have to fly to another city i'll fly away i'll fly away and nobody this will often probably happen at night so nobody will know i was even that i even put them back on the ground oh that's nice so yeah okay next i'm sorry i don't know if i struggle with that okay take poor people to the have you seen those tiktoks where the guy goes to home depot parking

lot he's like you three i'm gonna pay you for work for the day but surprise we're going to disneyland no they're super viral this guy does all the time, and he'll take like three workers, or he'll go to a hotel outside of Disney and find three hotel workers and be like, I paid off your manager. You're going to Disney for the day. So it's three maids in maid outfits and then whatever. I have a customized seating crane that I would build that I would have four seats, all the snacks, all the stuff,

and I would bring them right next to home plate or to the best seats in the house for any sporting event major sports fans poor people yeah yeah i hate that i have to do this oh no for the integrity of the exercise i don't think you got superhuman strength yeah what you just gained the ability to fly yeah i was like i was gonna seems like you might be fucking up the exercise here a little bit. I was saying, Kate, do you think you can catch a human being tumbling to earth off the Golden Gate Bridge? If I can fly, I've got some kind of, I don't know what the word for that is, but I've got acceleration. You're using physics somehow.

Yes. Okay. Okay. Okay. So there's. So you're're having them go watch shohei otani pitch i mean we can go anywhere i named the sporting also not to he has a torn elbow right now he's not pitching i'm not a sports person okay i'm not whatever we're at soccer watching Pele yeah perfect okay anyway next thing it's gonna spin again I think because I couldn't figure this out you got the spins down okay um stop package thieves it's a problem in my neighborhood I would lurk above I would wear blue camo like sky cloud outfit and then I would tase them from above they wouldn't know what to hit them and then

i would just cover i would make them embarrassed so when they woke up they'd be covered in shit or something and they wouldn't have their package and the whole neighborhood would be like shame shame and then that neighborhood would be known as like don't fuck with this neighborhood there's something weird going on and then people stop stealing my kids fucking diapers and shit oh there is like a group of losers who dress up like superheroes and try to do this. Yeah, I know. I want to be one of them. But you would be able to fly. I'd be able to fly.

But I would coordinate with them, maybe on the ground, and we'd neighborhood by neighborhood stop the package thieves. Okay. Okay, yeah. Spins. Trail magic. And this was for me personally. I've always wanted to hike the Appalachian Trail and the Pacific Coast Trail.

That's my bucket list goal someday. And if I can to hike the Appalachian Trail and the Pacific Coast Trail. That's my bucket list goal someday. And if I can't. The Appalachian Trail is your bucket list? Huge bucket list. Like to finish it? I've done chunks of it, but I've never done. That would take a while, right? I'm going to when I retire, I hope.

I'm already kind of fucked. But anyway, trail magic is when people go out who live near the trail and they'll leave like treats and water and snacks and cool shit. So the hikers who are exhausted stumble upon it and it's like, oh, my God, what a gift. Like, how fucking cool is this? We haven't had real food in like a week. And this person left whatever. Anyway, I think I would like to like hover over the trail and drop off like snacks and stuff. And then every now and then I would go over to Mount Everest and like help bring some some bodies down or something oh that'd be nice yeah okay i love hiking so i would do

something with hiking okay women's services this would be my premier thing um ladies you need me call me your man you think he's at a hotel and you can't tell what he's oh no yeah sorry sorry dickhead hey sorry no yep i would much rather you try to fail catching people off the golden gate bridge you think they're in her backyard in the above ground pool i will fly over the fence what a narc and i would absolutely absolutely ladies only no women only and then also just general women's services you're out with the girls and somehow you get lost from them and you're like in nashville at a bachelorette party you can't get home you don't know where you're a bit i'll swoop in i'll carry you home i would do ladies

how are you gonna do all these things i would hopefully i live to 55 yeah okay and i have time to do these okay and really that's that's kind of it oh wait this is the last one say you're at the chicago air show and two planes collide and they fall into the lake and all these everybody's having like the best time and all of a sudden like there's no recovering from that the air show is ruined if people die on the first day or whatever yeah um so while that's all happening i fly by with the big tits show show some show some titty and hairy tits i i'm no those are that's my censored i didn't know how um i do streaking like whenever there's something bad happens say the pair whatever i'm a distractor if you need a distraction from like

terrible things happening so and you're in this hypothetical you're larger than the plane that's way in the background it's like michigan oh got it the crowd has seen an unfathomable they're all turning to each other saying if i could just see some titties yeah we'll make it all worth it yeah but i distract and so that the show can continue without everyone being too buzz killed. Oh, man. All right. I like it. I'm sorry you all had to see that. That's my presentation.

I tried to just pull out of my head like a fifth grader not thinking too hard. Yeah, no, that was good. I can't think of anything better to do to make the world better. Yeah, what would your answer be, Steven? I don't even know. I don't think I would make the world better. I'd just fly myself. Yeah.

Yeah, I'd probably just fuck around and try and be a superhero, but just fight innocent people, mostly. Fight innocent people? Well, like, not convicted people. Like, you know, I'd just be... Wait, what? What?

Not convicted? Find the most innocent people. Well, no, like, people that are getting into fights. Like, you know, be, like, kind of a maverickverick or like a, you know, one of these rogue agents. Innocent people? Like, not fully convicted, gone through the judicial process, but just, you know. This is getting crazy. You know what I mean.

I'm lost. Be a vigilante. Vigilante, that's the word I'm looking for. But you would go after people who are committing crimes or innocent people? People that are committing crimes. Got it. People who are guilty but were not found guilty in the court of law. Correct.

That's what you meant to say. Yes. You're a big waste all the facts come out. Yes. Thank you, Mark. Yeah. Okay. All right.

That was good, Kate. Thanks. That's a tough question. It was tough. I wanted to ask for a new one, but I was just like, let me just word vomit this out. Yeah. I don't really understand the, like I would just fly.

Yeah. Yeah. But I didn't know how to make the world better. Cause like you said, physics, I didn't know how strong I was. And that's, I assumed. I do think we as a society, if someone, if there was someone who could fly, I think we would not be receptive of it at all. And I think if you started just flying around, people would start shooting at you.

Yeah. Yeah. Immediately. Almost immediately. Yeah. They were just, you, people would start shooting at you. Yeah. Immediately. Almost immediately. Yeah, they would just use you like an alien. It wouldn't be like in the movie. They wouldn't be like, oh, fucking sick, dude. Big Cat's awesome.

They'd just be like, get the fuck out of here. Yeah, right. Start shooting you immediately. People would be big time hating on it. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay. Let's see who's next.

Steven, are you taking notes? Diligent. Oh, diligent notes. TJ! Let's go, TJ. TJ. All right. Hold on.

He looks very pleased with himself. We have high hopes for you here, TJ. No pressure. Okay, here's a presentation on Che's thoughts. There's Che. Yep, there he is. He asked me to detail the main differences between chicken nuggets and boneless wings. What?

What? Which I was, yeah, I thought about for a little bit. And I was like, that is, I don't think that's a stupid question. Let me just see what the internet has to say about it. So I went to Reddit slash no stupid questions. Okay. And it was answered 10 years ago. Oh, this is clean, by the way.

Yes, it's very clean. And there was a couple of different fields of thought on this. One person said it depends on where you get it. So I guess some restaurants, like a chicken nugget is basically they take all of like the extra chicken materials. Kind of like what we talked about hot dogs the other day. It's like all the extra chicken stuff with some chicken meat in it. They grind it all together. They form it into nuggets and then they fry it.

Some restaurants, their chicken wings is a deboned chicken wing that they so they make boneless wings some chicken restaurants their chicken boneless wings are just breasts that are cut up into pieces or thighs or other pieces of chicken so it's like it depends on where you get it but it seems like this person said a chicken nugget will always be a chicken nugget and that was kind of the recurring theme through the research that i did but what's a chicken nugget it's all of the other bullshit in it that they cut up a chicken they cut they send the thighs one place they send the wings one place everything that's left over with some meat they kind of grind up into a paste so that's just gross uh yeah but so is hot dogs when you think about it

but they're so good true true true so this person said chicken nuggets are ground up chicken meat boneless wings are strips of chicken meat they have different textures when you eat them and then this person just said it's just marketing which i thought was an interesting way to think about it yeah it's like like chick at one point mcdonald's had chicken selects on the menu and chicken nuggets on the menu. They probably came from the same place. That's true. But they're just in a different box and they're packaged differently. So that's why you think they're different.

And then there was a lot of memes about boneless wings and chicken nuggets just being the same thing. Good meme. This is a good meme. This is a good example of one of the memes. This is a good ass meme right here. Really solid meme it says hey can i copy your homework okay but sure but make it the exact same thing and then they said sure and then that's that okay um and then this so this is a meme segment i looked up memes

of each one to see if there was any difference in the themes of memes behind each of these so chicken nuggets it was a lot of goofy memes like this. Everyone I know from school is now buying a house, getting married, having a family, etc. Meanwhile, I'm just literally this dog. Ooh, good meme. Great meme. Great meme. So a lot of them, they were very family-friendly, I-funny memes, 9-gag-ish,

and then the Boneless Wings memes were very on the other end of the spectrum, where most of them were something like this. This is what guys do who order boneless wings where or this is what guys who order bonus swings where a lot of them were just like fully slandering boneless wing oh yeah like the guy who's like being picked up by his girlfriend yeah yes yes that was that was the second this was the first meme if you type in chicken nugget meme or boneless wing meme. Oh, you're right.

Boneless wings get so much more hate. There's a lot of hate in the boneless wing meme community. That's so true. Yeah, they're the same thing. So that was a key difference I noticed is that chicken nuggets are kind of like fine. They're like, yeah, we understand you might be like a kid or immature or something. But, you know, it's whatever. Boneless wings, it's like, fuck you if you eat boneless wings.

Boneless wings, you're gay. Yeah, boneless wings are gay is what the internet does. That's crazy. I never even thought about this. In conclusion, both good. Yeah. And then this is just any questions or anything. Yeah, which one would you pick?

I kind of have to go after like a grilled chicken nugget now. Okay, so you're a child. Yeah. And maybe get. It might be both if you order boneless grilled wings. Steven, why did you ask that question? I was wondering the answer. I figure you learn a lot.

I figure, yeah, that's a solid. I would put that on the prep sheet. Was that a sufficient answer for you? Oh, that was great. Very important. I think we all learned something, did we not? Yeah, I think so too. Don't eat boneless wings.

Only eat chicken nuggets. I mean, they're all good. Yeah, but it was pretty clear. Like, if you want to be cool. Cool guys eat nuggets. And then over boneless wings. Yeah, beta men eat boneless. At the same time, like, you can't really go to a restaurant as an adult

and not on the children's menu order chicken nuggets. I feel like boneless wings versus bone-in wings is like sex and a blowjob. Sometimes you just don't want to have a mess. I agree. And you just want to dick suck. Chicken tenders is the adult chicken nugget. Yeah. Yeah.

But there will be times i'll order boneless wings i'm just like i don't really feel like washing my face 17 of course restaurant the hooters boneless hot wings but you know they're not as good as the bone-in wings like i know what i'm ordering is not as good but it's like i'm just gonna use a fork and just get done with this. Hmm. Oh. Yeah. That's a great one. Good memes. Oh, really good memes.

Really good memes. Yeah, that's good. Yeah. That's good. Yeah. That's a fact. Okay, good job, TJ. Thanks.

Good presentation. I feel like we're learning something. All right, who's next? I feel like we're not going to learn a lot from mine. Yeah? I'm worried. Oh, well, let's go find out, Jerry. Let's find out. Yeah, I'm pretty straight to the point.

For mine. Let me see the question. Jay, did you tailor, like, oh, i know i want to ask jerry this question from my mind or big no okay no this is just you just fired okay yeah just fire and send out kind of in order okay oh yeah it takes a little while simple not over the top. Might have to hit the space thing again. There you go. If humans were not atop of the food chain, what would be your survival strategy?

Now, I didn't understand this question. I had to ask Tate because he's a teacher. I didn't understand what the question meant. Okay. So I finally figured it out. What did you what the question meant. Okay. So I finally figured it out. What did you think the question meant? So he explained to me, like, hey, as humans, like, you can just go to the grocery store,

get whatever you want, you know what I mean, stuff like that. Like, if you weren't able to do that. Right. If you weren't at the top of the top, you know. Right. So, I mean, mine's pretty simple. I mean, we can Just get right to it

Okay Okay Okay So what do you mean But that would be other animals I would be the prostitute Right but? But that would be other animals. I would be the prostitute. Right, but wouldn't that mean that other animals would fuck you?

Correct. Okay. So pretty much prostitution. Don't eat me. Just fuck me. If you eat me, you can't fuck me. Yeah, just fuck me. And by fucking me could also lead to... Next slide.

Oh. Oh, you'd sell yourself to whoever's on top of the food chain. Yes. Next slide. Here we go. All right. Whoa. And...

What? The intrigue on this Oh Beautiful Here we go Okay If you're a prostitute You can baby trap one of your clients

They have to keep you around Because you are a parent of the child So not only will you be getting food and money and whatnot, so pretty much- You just want to trap. Trapping people, yeah. Well, it wouldn't be people. Animals. Other animals.

Yeah, yeah. Trapping other animals. I don't know what animal I would be. Am I a human at the time? You're a human, but it would be like if there was- Steven, explain the question. Would it be other animals that were on top of us? I thought I was an animal.

Okay, this would be if you're in the... The original intent of the question was if you're a human and lions or something can kill us. So you trap lions. Yeah. Lions can kill us. Lions can kill us, yes.

Correct, but they were ahead of us. They would regularly eat humans Now I gotta, I did watch a lot This probably backfired on me The male lion will Eat the cubs Oh no, so trapping Is out now

Shit Doesn't have to be a lion Yeah it could be anything Is that like from a movie or something Yeah I think that's white chicks That's what I thought it was from It doesn't have to be a lion. Yeah, it could be anything. Yeah, it could be anything. Is that like from a movie or something, that picture you used? Yeah, I think that's white chicks. Yeah, that's what I was going to say. That's what I thought it was from?

What about penguins? Penguins have the same mate. Yeah. You could just get hooked up with a penguin. Yeah, pretty much. I feel like prostitution is the easiest route. Oh, we got another slide. Far. Oh.

This is just you another slide. Far. Oh. This is you with kids. Yeah. And you're the mom. I'm the mommy. Yeah. Is that Octomom? Is that Nadia Shulman? And are like eight kids? No, there's only seven. Seven.

Oh, it is Octomom. Hey. I didn't approve that slide by the way well if an octopus you would be the octagon that's it yes okay i i mean the actual sound argument yeah then the the sliding of the slides is pretty damn cool i mean i didn't do that part yeah but you came up with the answer the The answer, yeah. Prostitution. Okay. I mean, I feel like that's the, like, what else are you going to do?

How would you, like, offer up ass to a zebra? Just like, hey, like, you could fuck me and come inside me if you want. You know what I mean? A zebra's not turning that down. It's up to you. For real. You really can come inside me.

I'm not just joking. You can do that. Yeah, I mean, I don't see a zebra turning that down. That's an offer a zebra can't refuse. Now, hold on. I'm going to put your theory to the test. If a chicken said that to you, you eat chicken, I assume. Yeah, I do.

So you go to a farm, and a chicken sees Jerry, and the chicken's like, please don't eat me. Here's my pussy. Good question. go to a farm yeah and a chicken sees jerry and the chicken's like please don't eat me here's my pussy good question oh he's operating under the assumption that you see what i'm saying though yeah no chickens haven't i haven't done that maybe they should try but i don't think i can go through with that yeah no oh man that is that you know what i mean i'm just trying to i'm just trying to elevate the discussion here a little bit. Would you eat chicken pussy? I'd eat chicken pussy.

I wouldn't fuck chicken pussy, though. Yeah. But imagine a chicken was bigger than you. Imagine the size difference was the same. Like, a chicken was twice your size. Then maybe. Yeah. Big breasts.

That's it. Get some big breasts. Prostitution is the answer. Yeah. I couldn't, like, I was thinking about it, and I couldn't really think of, like, what else? I don't really know what I would do. Hide?

Well, I mean, this was a real situation for humans. Yeah. Hide. Yes. No, it wasn't. They would hunt. Oh, yeah. I guess you could fight back. The West African lungfish will actually burrow itself in 12 to 18 inches of mud.

Think about that. And build a mucus cocoon where upwards of three and a half years. Okay, good job. I mean, it's like the easiest route. Yeah, for sure. You just gave up. Every animal likes to fuck. Yeah, and we found out if you were ever in a bind.

Prostitute. Prostitute, bust in me. Just say it. Answer to any hard problem that Jerry is faced with, you can bust in me. Well, I mean, think about it, though. I mean, I don't want to get too graphic on the show, but significant other, you know.

Babe, just come in me. Of me of course yeah it's true not gonna not right you can't turn that down no you're disrespectful if you turn that is disrespectful yep the zebra would be disrespectful exactly to not come inside of jerry no well yeah i guess yeah jerry yeah yeah yeah you you would be Jerry yeah all right good one let's go to the next one even I don't know how you take notes on that and lightning got some notes okay you ready yeah just do it i have no idea what so you turned down one question i did the siren reasoning i'm not a car guy that was also letting you down lightly yeah Yeah. Yeah. Oh, thanks for the hot chimera pick. You got it, buddy. Mm-hmm. Rui, your guy.

White Sox Dave is coming down in two minutes. Let's do mooks after this, so then we can finish with two people actually presented with me and White Sox Dave. KKB. Okay. So I have a question. Yeah oh oh yeah yeah okay oh shit i can't even see it if you had to chop down a redwood tree to survive how long would it take you to chop it down

and how would you attack it? Include plans to have the tree not land on you. Mark, you missed the second slide. If you want to go back. It was just like how I thought you would react to it. Oh. That was a good question. Okay. Hypothesis, I'd be able to get it done by Clips Nugs tonight at 9.

Okay. I'd be able to get it done by tonight. Okay tonight at nine okay i'd be able to get it done by tonight okay cutting down it's called felling a redwood tree so this is when i looked into it who's this guy the axe guy isn't it yeah yeah so it turns out there's only a handful of men in the world who log redwoods so it's a difficult task okay um the types of redwoods you got the coast redwood that's on the coast of northern california and oregon these are the tallest then you have the giant sequoia which is more inland in the sierra nevada range these aren't the tallest but they are the biggest these are the thickest ones and then you have the dawn redwood these are

the chinese ones. So this definitely, like your research definitely upped your geoguessr abilities. A little bit. Yeah. This will help you use this. Oh. Okay. So I'm obviously leaning toward the Chinese one because it's the smallest.

Yep. That's the dawn redwood, native to various locations in China, including the hills and wetlands. Mm-hmm. And then, oh, it grows to at least 165 feet. That's still too big for me with no experience or training in logging. Especially when you have clip snugs at 9 o'clock. Right. So I wouldn't be able to get it done. Right.

Okay. Think smarter, not harder. So I Googled, what did I Google? Tiny Don Redwood tree farm in America. Yeah, maybe there's a place that grows them illegally or illegally and sells them, and they're tiny. Turns out there is nice okay it's a farm in pennsylvania outside of philly that grows tiny ones and sells them huh

um and yeah that's from the bingo that's from the siteingo. That's from the site's YouTube video. That's the size of it. You could just kick that over. That's the Dawn Redwood Liner. So a liner is just a baby. It's a miniature version of the plant. It still is a redwood tree. I love it. Just knock it right down.

But how long would it take? Oh. So I could get a flight out of here at 3.30 after this, land. I don't know what it says. Two hours later. Then it's an hour drive to the farm. So I could easily get it done by 7.30 Central Time today. Wait, but that's – oh, yeah, you're right because that's Eastern Time.

Oh. Right. So, yeah, you could do it. So you'd have an hour and a half before the game. How would I attack this thing? Kind of a rhetorical question with my axe maybe. Okay. And, yeah, it's not flexing.

And then – Wait, you have an axe? I do have a dual-sided axe. Okay. I think that would suffice. Yeah. You just have that at home? I do, yeah. I got it in alaska and then um what's that or my yakushi knife would also work you have that at home as well

right so yeah i could do it holy shit damn that's a nice little knife there yeah but i've watched a tutorial on how to actually cut down a big redwood tree, and it would take multiple men, a gigantic chainsaw, tape measure, gunning, whatever that is, an ax. I wouldn't be able to do it if that is what you were asking. But you were able to complete that one easy. Technically, I could chop down a redwood tree. Yeah, by 730 tonight. Right.

That's pretty good, right, Steven? Very impressive, yes. Excellent outside-of-the-box thinking. Oh. All right. wood tree yeah by 7 30 tonight right that's pretty good right steven very impressive yes excellent excellent outside of the box thinking oh all right hello white socks dave everybody how are you good we've been going through our presentations what was the snake draft oh you can't say no i can't say sorry did you say anything dumb that will get the internet mad not particularly today i don't think that usually means yes how is is you still getting fallout from the walter payne uh no that died down that died down yeah oh i explained myself as well and then they realized the context we were speaking in but it died down what was your

like what was your final take? It was a dumb statement because right off the bat, growing up in this area, you hear Walter Payton and you hear – I always was told these stories from my dad and uncles or whatever, how tough and gritty and physical he was. You're not thinking of him being a back that's operating in open space typically, like a Reggie Bush-type running back. And for that particular draft, I didn't think Walter.

But now that I like – it was a dumb take. It was a dumb statement, I should say. It wasn't even a take because I don't believe that. It just came out of my mouth. So your dad's fault. Pretty much, yeah. But everything that I say and do, that's stupid on my father. We saw your dad.

He was singing the seventh inning stretch. The Cubs got that. There we go. There we go. Yep. Yeah. Looks good. It's funny, too he's he lives in the same town i grew up in and i would run into him at like the local pancake house and shit your dad he lives in the same town you grew up in you're billy williams oh other other person your dad yeah that was

confusing my fault sorry that's great uh all right you to do MOOCs, then we'll do me and White Sox Dave's? Yep. What did MOOC have? I'm proud of you for cutting down that redwood tree. Oh. Oh, shit. MOOC used my fucking... Was this the first template that popped up when you went to the template? No, I thought I found an awesome one. I guess everyone else did, shit. Mook used my fucking... Was this the first template that popped up when you went to the template?

No, I thought I found an awesome one. I guess everyone else did, too. If you had to eat one fruit a day for the rest of your life, what would it be and why? Wouldn't it just be an apple? Blueberry? Quick to find the answer. Oh. oh oh that was good pretty good yeah he just kicked your ass that was it that was the whole slide oh no blueberries oh okay all right all right oh

okay oh that's a good song i like like this. Yeah, I love it. You got to use this. Absolutely got to use this. Your lyrics are facile. You act like an asshole. That doesn't rhyme. Oh, he's enjoying it. Shit.

Okay, blueberries? That's it. Oh, that was it? That's a good point. Okay, that was good. That's a. Oh, that was it. That's a good point. Okay, that was good. That's a good answer. That was great. Just eat one blueberry.

Yeah, one single blueberry a day. I'd probably do strawberry. Grape? Yeah, I think any of that works. One grape? You ever see the fruit guy on TikTok? No. He eats some really interesting fruits.

The Philly dude? Yeah. Yeah. Interesting. Roan's boys with him, I think. Oh, wow. He's a Philly dude? Yeah. Yeah. Interesting. Roans boys with him, I think. Oh, wow. He just eats weird fruits? Crazy fruits, yeah. Exotic. Fruit guy. Alright, let's put White Sox Dave on the wheel. It's me and White Sox Dave

for our presentation. Are you ready for your presentation? No, I'm not. You did it, though. I did. And? Oh, you... Did you? Yeah, yeah. Oh. Yeah. I think. And? Oh, you... Did you? Yeah. Yeah. Oh. Yeah.

I think. Hmm. Okay, it's my turn. I hated my question. Just want that clear. You got, like, six questions. I know, and I hated all of them. I hated all of them. But I did did it and you'll probably recognize this font

and slideshow presentation uh made famous by za and mook okay let's see it okay if you had to be a vegetable which would you be and why also he asked me a follow-up also why aren't lettuce wraps more popular which we'll get to so as you can see up top we have all kinds of vegetables um by the way that guy the vegetable picture i googled the vegetable hospital which i have another slide later but that guy's not even he's totally alive he's completely fine that's an unpaid actor yeah he's he's good looking he's just laying there i don't know what the fuck he's wait wait people in that state can't be attractive no but that's not a real he's

not a real vegetable not at all they were just they just put a hose in his nose and was like lay there we're gonna make a getty image of a vegetable he probably did get paid paid like at least make him look like he's dying uh he looks straight he looks like he just did a chest workout yesterday all right first slide vegetable so this is where i use a little bit of old uh you know run out the clock yep extra extra slides defining word vegetable usually herbaceous plants such as cabbage bean or potato grown for an edible part that is usually eaten as part of a meal and i say right here this was just to make the whole presentation longer as you can see uh those are some vegetables also cute uh such an edible part okay that's the definition of vegetable here's the urban

definition of those many a lot of them so vegetable, a straight person, the opposite of fruit, a.k.a. a gay person. The majority of the world are vegetables. I'd never heard that before. No. Calling someone a vegetable. Very straight. Makes sense.

Yeah. Vegetable, a mockery of the term fruit when used seriously. You're such a fruit. Yeah, well, you're a vegetable. What do we think about that? That one kind of sucks. Vegetables, this is actually submitted by vegetables shit that will make you stronger so big vegetable had vegetables

submit that one boy you you better you you best to eat that shit it's all we got then we had vegetable is a person who's a dumbass nick you fucking vegetable that was submitted by I had to blur the name that that was submitted by okay you can probably figure out what's going on there vegetable the term used for any edible edible object used to pleasure oneself and that I never heard that was that a cucumber in there no it was a banana oh wow she can take big vegetables and then vegetable and adjective you can technically use it for anything that you want to though it is usually a positive term the movie seats are so vegetable what yeah no i don't think that one the opposite what about like a terry? Well, yeah, we'll get to that. Okay. We got that.

Okay. Next slide. Criteria for picking a vegetable I want to be. So I put it into criteria. Will I be eaten quickly? I want to live for a while, so I don't want to just be a vegetable that gets eaten right away. Am I sexy? I don't want to be a joke.

I also don't want to be fucked by someone gross. Like imagine being a cucumber and then just gross pussy. Tum-pum-pum? Pum-pum. Pum-pum. Am I weird? No one likes weirdos. Other?

Other. Do I sound cool? I'd like to sound cool. I'd like to have a cool sound. All great criteria. Yeah, these are my criteria for picking a vegetable I'd want to be. All right, next slide. Eliminating vegetables I don't want to be.

So then I'm going through it. Will I be eating quickly? I'm going to take out the ones I don't want to be because I know I'll be eating quickly. Corn, delicious. Potatoes, delicious. Onions, using everything. Tomatoes, something sometimes delicious. Sweet potatoes, delicious.

Get them out. I don't want to be them. Next slide. Wait, when are tomatoes not delicious? Can you not click on that? I get a bad one sometimes. Oh, yeah. Remember when Dan Quayle spilled potato wrong?

No. Add one little bit on the end. It's like a potato. How's that? You're right fanatically. What else? There you go. Yeah.

That was the vice president of the United States of America. Wait, he was the one who instructed them. Yeah, he told them to add an E at the end. It was a big thing. I'll be honest. I always thought there was an E at the end. I mean, tomato, potato. It's a weird.

Yeah, but that was the vice president of the United States of America at the time. It's crazy. Tomato doesn't have an E at the end. Tomato. Wait, yeah. I just did it too because I thought tomato had an E at the end. Implorable. These two right here together. Jerry tricked me right there. I just did it too because I thought tomato had an E in plural. These two right here together.

Jerry tricked me right there. Jerry tricked me right there. I know how to spell spell tomato. Whoa. Oh no. I always thought there was an E.

White Sox did master class. Oh man. The two of you. Clip it. Well tomato, tomato. Yeah. That's a good impression.

So, yeah, that actually happened, though. The vice president of the United States of America. Toe is T-O-E. Yeah. Right. Different word. I feel like it still hasn't. I get it.

No, I look it up. It should just be T-O, though. It is. It's sure. We could just walk away from the two of them right now just let them go you guys are perfect okay i didn't mean for that video to cause this but it did so that's great you just miss pumped each other solidarity uh okay next slide eliminating vegetables i don't want to be sexy so i don't want to get fucked

cucumber that's a penis eggplant bigger penis carrots skinny penis daikon which i didn't even know was a thing that's what you can see right there that's a white penis butternut squash that's a vagina exactly yeah i don't want to be i don't want to be put inside of any points remember that show a thousand ways to die yeah there was an episode where a lady cucumber and like peeled it first but didn't peel it well so like a shard of the the oh see i don't want to be that thanks ladies i'm out just quick psa i'm out there all right next slide, this was the email I got while I was doing the slideshow. Hi, parents. Just wanted to give everyone a heads up.

We had a couple kids go home with diarrhea today. Unfortunately, our policy is three diarrhea bouts at school and then they have to be sent home before the child must be 24 hours free of a bout. We'll keep a close eye on everyone. Keep you all updated. That's from my daughter's school. Apple does not fall. Yeah.

It wasn't her. It wasn't her. She went to a full school day but i just was thinking like that would be crazy if we had this policy because i've never worked the office would be empty all the time yeah so i just got this email randomly while i was doing my slideshow and i was like oh i might as well just make my slides longer is that like their their personal rule i guess so three diarr diarrhea's and you're out? It's like three strikes.

I feel where they are coming from. Three diarrhea's and you're out of here. I would like to see them toss them in a game. All right. You're out. Yeah, imagine if we had this. Should we do this? It was an interesting email to get.

Stay in the life of a parent. A three diarrhea policy. Just want to let you know, some kid had three diarrheas today, and that's- That is way too much. That's a lot of diarrhea. That kind of makes sense. If you have diarrhea three times at work, you shouldn't go home. Also, my daughter goes to school for like four hours.

So that's three diarrheas in four hours. What happens when the kids figure this out, though? The three diarrheas gets them out of school. Oh, there's a loophole. Yeah, they start actively trying to get diarrhea. Fuck, you're right. How can you prove that you don't have diarrhea? Just go and say you had diarrhea.

Yeah. You know? I like the idea, too, of the teachers having, like, a review booth. Was it? We're going to go to the review booth. Yep, that was three. See ya. Wait, this is diaper, correct? Yeah, this is two- the review booth. Yep, that was three. See ya. Wait, this is diaper, correct?

Yeah, this is two and a half year olds. Yeah, they don't need to be doing that. What, the three diarrhea? Three in one day is insane. It's a lot of diarrhea. You shouldn't have to endure that. Do kids have normal poops? Yeah.

Really? Of course. Once they're over like one. Once they start eating real food. I feel like the baby poop to me is just Baby poop is different Baby poop is straight diarrhea Because it's just

It's just always shit right You know when they're sick like right away Because of their poop Yeah But once they start eating hard Like real solid food It's real poops Okay

But it's Diarrhea is in school Okay It's a big problem That's I mean that's a wild thing too to just be like what's what's the biggest problem you have at work diarrhea not mine well i do have that problem either way i'm thinking about implementing this here just see how quickly like me and brandon have to go home every day till 1030.

All right. Brandon's wife gets an email. He's on his second diarrhea today. He might have to. All right. Do you think that like daycare teachers should be paid more? Probably. Yeah.

I'd say all teachers probably. Yeah. Yeah. I think everybody should be paid. I'm working. Yeah. I knew White Sox. He turned his head so fast to me and get that answer. The minute I said they should be paid more. Yeah, I knew White Sox famous. He turned his head so fast to me to get that answer.

The minute I said they should be paid more, like, let's hear from you. Yeah. No, they should be. They have a pretty tough job. They do. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah, so that was just literally during my putting together this presentation. Thought I'd share it. All right, back to eliminating vegetables I don't want to be. Am I weird? Artichoke, weird. Asparagus, weird. Ca'd share it. All right, back to eliminating vegetables I don't want to be. Am I weird? Artichoke, weird. Asparagus, weird. Cauliflower, weird.

Broccoli, weird. Turnips, shallots. Those are weird. No one likes that shit. What? Shallots are great. Shallots are basically onions. Yeah.

You're going to get some shit for this one. Okay, I honestly didn't know what a shallot was. It's an onion. If we're being honest. I mean, broccoli and asparagus are just standard. Asparagus, yeah. Those are standard steakhouse sides. I mean, those and asparagus are just. Asparagus. Yeah. Those are standard steakhouse sides. I mean, those are like as.

Those are like the king of vegetables. Okay. So I had to eliminate some vegetables and I didn't really know what category to put them in. So I put them in this category. Fair, fair, fair. There's a flaw in the system. I see that now.

Okay. Other. Vegetable. Yeah. Now this picture, I searched hospital vegetable, and it's Asian senior or elderly old lady woman, patient, eating breakfast and vegetable healthy food with hope and happy while sitting and hungry on a bed in hospital.

If you zoom in, can you zoom in? That's just sausage. We just gave them a plate of sausage. They're trying to kill this woman. A lot of sausage. That's so much sausage for breakfast. That looks like a bulb of garlic. Yeah.

They're trying to kill her. They put one piece of broccoli on, and then they just gave her sausage. And we're like, here, eat your vegetables, old lady. Now, you were going for the Terry Shivo. is that what you were going for in there yeah okay bad vegetable yeah so yeah that was i that one was shocking to me i was looking for someone dying in a hospital and it's just they're fucking feeding that woman way too much sausage. Way too much. Maybe she's the vegetable and that's her last meal and that's what she requested. Yeah, I guess. What is the pro ribbon up in the top left?

Oh, I just screenshotted the whole thing. Oh, you're on like an image. Yeah, I just Googled it. If you search hospital vegetable, this woman is in a lot of the pictures. I don't know if you could do a quick search. But yeah, she's been, she's been eating sausage and staying alive on sausage for a very long time. Wait, well, that's not it. No, no, no.

Oh, no, no, no. We're going to get to, we're going to get to the, I found. Yeah, look, wait. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look at this woman. to get to the... I found... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look at this woman. Holy shit. Yeah, click on her and there's even more. She's like the Carly... Yeah, look at her.

See, now that's a decent... Wait, I don't get it. Why does she come up for vegetables? I don't know. What is that? What are those things on her... Look at the sausage. That's so much sausage.

That is a lot of sausage. And I think that's just a glass of piss. How do stock images work what do they do how do they woman yeah what is supplying the stock images why don't we do this how you get that gig yeah how do you eat your sausage now it hasn't even touched the salad yeah do you think this lady was like showed up to the gig and was like, what the fuck is this? I don't know.

Oh. She doesn't look like she's happy to have that salad. Oh. Oh. Well, they worked her. Yeah. That's like stuff. Yeah.

They need to. It is so hot. Oh, it's Christmas. I didn't sleep a wink. Kept her up for day. They half-. It's so hot. Oh, it's Christmas. I didn't sleep a wink. Kept her up for day. They kind of half-assed it, though. They could have put like tubes in her or something. Yeah.

Those things that go in your nose. Oh, he's actually eating that. Hey, now. That's a little. I like this guy. Yeah. I don't know what that photo shoot was, but yeah. Huh.

So that was other, I don't want to be a vegetable with no brain capacity eating sausage all day. Although that wouldn't be the worst. All right, keep going. I really don't know how to transition to the vegetable I want to be. So I just Googled transition just transition now and then here's also a transition slide so this is just a summation of where we are start of my slides the middle this was the slides about vegetables the diary email and then this is where we are now so just giving you a recap of where we are all right so this is my vegetable

oh what yeah what is it oh what is it? My vegetable part two. Ooh. My vegetable part three. Ooh. The death cap mushroom. Wow. The deadliest mushroom in the world. You eat this shit, you die almost instantly. Condition leads to coma and death in more than 50% of the incidents.

Notable deaths include Pope Clement VII, who died of accidental death cap poisoning in 1534, and possibly Roman Emperor Claudius in 54 CE. So you eat this shit within 6 to 12 hours after consumption, violent abnormal pain, vomiting, bloody diarrhea, causing rapid loss of fluid. I want to be the death cap mushroom. And you see the skull right there.

That's someone who ate it. And the animal's probably instinctively known not to touch it. Yeah. So I'm just being left alone yeah and then if someone eats me i get the last laugh that's probably the best possible answer right is that a skull next to it yeah that person ate it wow died right there steven i'll admit i got a photo shoot is a mushroom a vegetable and you're right it is it is fungus our vegetable that was that was going to be my question also i'm pretty sure i get to live in europe that's sweet so that's kind of france unless it's france good call so yeah i want to be the death cap mushroom there's actually some pretty cool uh uh poisonous mushrooms there's like an angel cap mushroom they're

interesting oh yeah and here's a woman who, Australian police charged a woman with three murders and alleged mushroom poisoning. I don't know why they got her getting out of the car. That kind of sucks. That's just her getting out of the car after she got arrested. Oh, but she's guilty there? Yeah, I tried to find updates on the case. I think she's on trial right now.

She gave it to a bunch of people. She just chopped it up in their salad or something? Beef Wellington. Killed. Beef Wellington. Oh, shit. now she gave it to a bunch of people she just chop it up in their salad or something uh beef well killed beef wellington yeah shit but but like think about how much that sucks to have like not only are you on trial but they're like you can't look good getting out of a car can you i don't know what angle she would have taken all right and that's it also i think lettuce wraps are the exact right amount of popular i think lettuce wraps should have taken off by now.

Like some places have like the exact right amount. That's a good take, yeah. Like I have probably what, three a year maybe? Yeah. Like that's about enough. Oh, I think that's probably more than average. What do you mean they should have taken off by now? Like there used to be a burger place near me that had like lettuce buns

and I feel like those should be more popular with all the carb cutting and all that stuff and not really because they taste pretty good go to like any sandwich place and they'll make a wrap for you a wrap for sure but not like out of lettuce I don't know

maybe just where I go do they a lot of places do. A mushroom is a fungi, not a vegetable? I googled it. A fungi falls under vegetable. Yeah, if you want to get technical, a tomato isn't either. What?

Tomatoes are fruit. Yeah, but I would put it in the family. No, I would count a... I would count a mushroom as a vegetable. Tomatoes. It's culturally a vegetable. Why would a mushroom be a vegetable? Although...

Oh, no. Consider it a vegetable Although Oh no Considered a vegetable Yeah yeah Mushrooms are neither a plant Nor animal food They're a type of fun Is my whole My whole presentation

Is wrong Nah Well actually Can't mushrooms like Talk to each other Oh yeah no they're part of What Can't they like talk to each other

Or something Yeah Fungus Yes Yeah What They can like Yes they

They can like talk to each other And communicate There's a yes yeah what they can like yes they they can like talk to each other and communicate there's a whole documentary about it they send electric signals i swear to god there's a whole documentary about it and somebody like monitored their electric signals and like they like talk to each other all day across a big span of uh oh that's interesting oh shit yeah you'd have a better life than some dudes yeah i could talk to people i was thinking about being being like a psychedelic mushroom, but then like what if I get eaten by someone who's like a loser and has a bad trip?

That would suck, right? I think the best option. Yeah, I want to, if someone eats me, I want them to die. I want to go out, go down with the ship. Yeah. Death cap mushroom. That's a great answer. Thank you. Unless it's not, I mean, maybe I'm wrong. Yeah, Death cap mushroom. That's a great answer. Thank you.

Unless it's not. I mean, maybe I'm wrong. Yeah, maybe it's not a vegetable. That passes for sure. I actually had mushroom last night. Death cap? No, it was like a meat substitute. Oh.

It's my second favorite vegetable. What? Mushroom. Death cap? No, just the mushroom. Potato, mushroom, corn. i'd eat a death cap no exactly i know that's the best option the mushroom capital of the usa kennett square and it stinks wait what yeah it stinks stinks stinks it's a whole village just covered in

mushroom barns because they're in the dark 20 they can't see yeah and then every spring they open up the door and like it i can't begin to describe the smell but like the whole town stinks like shit bad it's a mushroom it's a very specific yeah mushroom feel good about that answer uh okay who's uh oh white socks dayx State. What? All right. I didn't do it. I feel like I got an email somewhere. Wait, what? I worried this.

Huh? What do you mean you didn't do it? Steven, come on. What? Are you looking? I don't understand. No, I feel like I got an email on this or something i texted you yesterday and i mentioned it to you that i'm going to text you a question and then i texted it to you yeah um i read it opened it didn't open it again and that's my

mistake can you improv it for us um we're just never gonna get to you i was kind of hoping that like looking at the clock uh yeah it's doing the steak draft yeah oh okay no i was no no no i wasn't not i wasn't like not gonna come on the show i thought you just wanted me to come on for what for walter payton or whatever no yeah i fucked up. That's my bad, Steven. Steven texted me. I opened it. This is better than anything. Yeah, this is perfect. Yeah, to be honest.

What was your question? What was it, Steven? You don't even know it. What did you expect coming? Oh, my God. Actually, this works out because it's one I recycled to Big Cat because I never got an answer. It's actually, if you had to be a vegetable would you be in why oh okay um well now that we know mushrooms are vegetables

uh let's go um i like all of dan's thought process including the diarrhea email including the diarrhea especially the diarrhea email. I don't want to be touched. I want to be left alone. I don't really know what a turnip is. I don't feel like anybody knows what a turnip is. Let me be off in peace. I'll just be a turnip.

What's a turnip, Jerry? I got no idea. Yeah, no one knows what a turnip is. They're like a white and somewhat purple vegetable. My dad used to make turnip cakes, and they smell horrible. I bet no one ate it. He did. Oh, he did.

All right. So, I mean, you have to do – you have to next week when we're all back. Yeah. You have to come up with a full PowerPoint spot. Totally fair. Totally fair. I want it in depth too, Steven. I want you to come up. I'll give is a full PowerPoint. That totally fair. Totally fair. I want it. I want it in depth to Steven. I want you to get him. I'll give him a new question.

Give him a new question. Give him something difficult. Yeah. Yeah, like academic of sorts. Yeah. Okay. Wait. Yeah, I saw a few of them. We're good. Perfectly white socks.

I'll nail it next week. I love that you still came in, though. I didn't know what it was for. You should have just texted me and been like, oh, I didn't do that. Well, he texted me like once a week or whatever it is. Hey, come on the yak. I thought it was just one of those. I didn't know it was for the perfect.

But you knew that he emailed you yesterday. I think as soon as you came in, we asked you if you had a PowerPoint. Yeah, yes. He thought we were going to run out a PowerPoint. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. I very much looked at my phone and I'm like, all right, we probably got about 45 minutes left. Hopefully we just get to two when they're like, I will get you next week. It didn't happen.

Shay, hold on. Can you can you find TJ him saying yes. When I asked this was at 240 yesterday so i was in the middle of recording i didn't respond i opened it read it didn't have a notification later because it was open that was the mistake so i apologize i'll have a i'll i'll do myself next week though i mean it's perfect i'm sorry i feel like I let the team down. You had a good alibi. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the fact that you did say yes makes it funnier. Like I said, I knew what time it was.

I need to see you sitting down being like when I said, yeah, I think I directly said, you have yours? He did answer in question form. Yeah. Once we started, I realized I'm like, oh, oh fuck i saw an email or text or someone said something to me about this and i didn't respond but when i said and then you didn't say and you just yeah that that's the funniest part of all this yeah your strategy was like maybe they'll forget yeah my name is on the wheel what else yeah yeah and i was like please god maybe i'll just be the only one.

Maybe we'll go through one by one, everybody in the room except me. Wait, Titus, do the High Noon ad read and let's find Dave sitting down. Go ahead, Dave. I don't want to cut you off. No, no, no. After you. Okay. The High Noon El Prez Pack is here featuring the top four High Noon

vodka seltzer flavors as ranked by El Prez himself. These flavors include passion fruit pineapple pear and an all-new flavor tangerine which is my personal favorite uh all made with real vodka and real juice this 12 pack is only here for a limited time so get it while you can just look for the pack with dave's face on it you can even scan the qr code on the pack and have el prez virtually join your party, visit highnoonspirits.com to find the El Prez pack nearest you. High noon. High noon. High noon.

No, but to KB's point, when I said, yeah, it was more in question form, I thought you guys were like, oh, you got that presentation. I thought you guys were fucking with me. I'm like, yeah, sure. Like, yeah. There was a question. Question mark. When I said yes, there was a question mark.

KB knows what I'm talking about. I think you said I did it. Yeah. Excellent answer. Oh. All right. Hello, White Sox Dave. Everybody.

How are you? Good. We've been going through our presentations. What was the snake draft? Oh, you can't say. No, I can't say. Sorry. Did you say anything dumb that will get the internet mad?

Not particularly today, you can't say. No, I can't say. Sorry. Did you say anything dumb that will get the internet mad? Not particularly today, I don't think. That usually means yes. How is he still asking for a rollout from the Walter Payne thing? No, that died down. I might not have asked him. No, it was after this. I explained to myself as well, and then they realized the context we were speaking in, but it died down.

What was your – Fast forward this a little. Up in this area, or whatever, how to operate your draft. It wasn't even a take because I don't believe – I say and do. Yeah, looks good. It's funny, too, because he lives in this. Your dad.

You want to do MOOCs, then we'll do me and – That was right before that. My fault. Sorry. Your dad. Yeah. That was confusing. My fault. Sorry. Your dad. That was confusing. My fault. Sorry.

That's okay. All right. You want to do Mooks, then we'll do me and White Sox, Dave's. Yep. Here's where he could have said. What did Mook have? This is where I was like, what the fuck are we talking about? I might not have asked you.

I'm proud of you for cutting down that redwood tree. I might not have asked you no you definitely did you definitely did i just remember kb and saying something and he said i did and kb was like like answering it like you did or you didn't yeah i answered in the affirmative hoping that in the next few seconds my brain would click and remember that i did something that i needed to do for it that's what it was that's what it was oh you're like i'm just gonna answer this now and then i'll figure out later what i was exactamundo that's exactly what it was and then once the presentations were rolling i'm like fuck now i get it someone said something about this yesterday oh that's that's perfect. That's perfect.

All right. You want to spin our wheel, TJ? So tomorrow you guys will get a cast of characters. Maybe White Sox Dave will be back. Monday we have a pre-taped high noon special episode with everyone. Then Tuesday. Who's back on Tuesday? Is Nick back on Tuesday?

Fruit pie. All right. Let's put White Sox Dave on the wheel. It's me and White Sox Dave for a presentation. Are you ready for a presentation? No, I'm not. You did it, though. I did. Did you? Yeah.

Yeah. You got double questioned. Did you? Yeah. Who's back Tuesday? We will be back probably halfway through the Yak on Tuesday. Is Nick's back Tuesday? So we will be back probably like halfway through the act on Tuesday. Is Nick back on Tuesday? I think, but I'm not positive. Brandon will be back on Tuesday.

I think Nick's back Wednesday. I fly out. Yeah, I won't be back Tuesday. No, I think we left. Oh, yeah, we're flying together. Yeah, so we'll be back for the end of it. And then Wednesday we'll all be here. And then Thursday, Friday.

Wednesday will be the first day of mini golf, which the first round is going to happen before the act, then we're going to do the act, then the second round. So that will be normally the act. So a little weird schedule coming up, but we'll be back. Yeah, let's spin our wheel. And White Sox Dave has to do a presentation. Do you guys want grades?

Oh, yes, please. We have two top performers, A+, Ty tj and kb oh uh tj very informative great transitions kb uh very creative solution great research work smarter not harder let's go that i feel good yeah it's huge i think other people deserved one. Okay. A lot of other very good grades. Titus, Zod, Big Cat, all got A's. What the fuck? Oh, Kate. I drew all my own shit, Jay.

Kate showed us her tits. Yeah, what the fuck? Jerry got a B. She drew her own boobs, dude. Kate, I gave a B-. Why? You just probably spent the most time. Moop got a C, and White Sox Dave, F-.

Kate, what's your grade? I should get an N-. What, she got a C-? Kate, I tried. Okay. Yeah, you got a B-. I mean, that's like compared to- I would say Kate was the only one that took it seriously, too.

Yeah. Like in terms of actually answering the question. You're like, how would you change the world? She's like, good question, Steven. I'm going to better the world. And here's how. I don't think she did a bad job at all. I think everyone did a really good job except for Dave.

And then Mook. I mean, Mook wasn't here. So actually his played. Oh, so Mook actually was. So Kate was the worst one. Kate was the worst. That is present in the room. That did it

what the fuck I mean someone's gotta be someone's gotta be the worst Jay I'm nice to you Kate I think she's actually offended illustrations, transitions, weaknesses plot holes which Titus pointed out

and then I couldn't stop thinking about. Now you're putting it on me now. Well, I mean, and then I was thinking about like 9-15 on September 11, 2001, one of the towers is going down that you're just flashing. Oh, you did forget about that. Insensitive. You could have stopped that. Wait, what did I miss here?

Wait, wait, wait. He's saying, he's not saying that. He's not saying I could have stopped 9-11. He's saying I could have cheered everyone up with my tits after 9-11. Oh. I don't think that would actually play. He's saying read the room. He's saying time and place and this is not a place

for titties. Oh. Yeah, tight skits. Oh. I would have. An air show, not 9-11. I don't, I mean if. Did you say 9-11? No. You said like an airplane crash. I didn't not 9-11. I mean, if... Did you say 9-11? No. You said like an airplane crash. I didn't mean 9-11. If the tragedy is going to happen anyway,

and you can do nothing to prevent the tragedy, all things being equal, I would like to see some titties. I know at Pearl Harbor they would appreciate it. Damn, Steven. That's just my view. All right, well. Maybe White Sox Dave's presentation would be why is Stephen Chay a misogynist

I didn't want to say it out loud kind of suspect I like the Barbie movie oh okay he got some female friends I like the Barbie movie some of his he's got female friends

he does well not Kate anymore alright spin our wheel TJ hell of a grading Kate put by far the most effort she got a B minus she didn't get like a D minus alright

alright this is what we got I want that colored person to come in here so bad Did you The what person The person who figures out what season Oh Whoa Kate

Oh sorry Yeah Came out bad That colored person That colored person What The colored person what the colored person I do want that

yeah yeah I would like to know alright so we might have to save whoever it is for when we get back when everyone's back on Wednesday

oh no of course Jay what was yours I actually have to get it approved by the it's with a sponsor but can I say that okay so it's going to be

a wheel one on one races whoever could chug a bottle of body armor first the loser would get slapped and it's a tournament and once you get down to the finals I mean you're drinking a lot of it would be throughout the show so so you'd have time, but... Okay, we'll do that.

It's basically body armor chug slap wheel. But I have to get that approved to make sure that it's okay. If not, I'll use a different beverage. Get it approved by next Friday, and we'll do the body armor slap wheel. It's called Do You Have Enough Body Armor? Oh, very good.

Very creative, Steven. That is very creative. Thank you. Kate, grade his creativity that's a c c minus okay c minus all right well thank you everyone oh yeah there's connor griffin we found that out on mostly oh my god wait what is that supposed to be he princess Leia in high school. Oh, wow. Yeah. There's no limit to the depths of comedy. I know. We just keep peeling back layers. Yeah, and this one is kind of seared in my mind where I'm just like,

I don't know how I feel about this. Is that his little fist? No, very little fist. Yeah, tiny little fist. Wait, is Brandon live right now, TJ? I think it's later this afternoon. I also don't know if it's on the main WWE channels or what, but that's a 100 million subscriber channel.

He better be promoting us. Oh, shit, yeah. Yeah. Yep. Yeah. Agreed. Playing video games. Are you guys excited yeah cool just in general or like for the yeah yeah um yeah yeah it'll be fun i don't think

arizona is not a i've never been to a final four there but the super bowl kind of sucked as a host city that was a that was a big nuisance like everything's like yeah everything's like 40 minutes away that was yeah it is that's so it's in what yeah like the the the place where the games are is over here like downtown's over here like you do the shit over here you're staying over here you're up over here yeah yeah i wish every time you're doing anything you're in an uber for 30 yeah it's 35 minutes yeah the final four i'm very a staunch supporter and the final four should always be in indianapolis new orleans or san antonio yeah those are three cities that you can go to you get to and you never have to get in a car yeah big 10 gonna be a lot of cars championship i've been to a few times for football. It's the perfect city for it. Indy is perfect. Perfect.

Show up, check in, that's it. You're a five-minute walk from everything. Yeah, including the stadium. New Orleans also was awesome. New Orleans is great, too. You could walk to New Orleans. New Orleans, I never got in a car in New Orleans. Indy has fun bars, too.

Yeah, it does. It really does. It does. Yeah, it's a cool city. Yeah, I guess I'm not really. I'm already carsick riding in you can already feel it coming on well it's also 35 minute uber the guy's driving with both feet just smashing smashing gas smashing it's also like the idea of like trying to like meet up with people you got to like really plan it out yeah next year is san antonio

that'll be then the year after is indapolis. Yeah, those two will be good. Oh, then it's Vegas. We get Vegas 2028. That actually will be fun. Yeah. Vegas will be fun. Yeah. And then, yeah, Detroit gets thrown in there.

That's interesting. But, yeah. All right. So we'll see everyone. We have a Barstool Live on Saturday. It's in the early afternoon before the games, so tune into that. And then Monday, we're going to be doing a Barstool Live right before tip-off. Yeah, Jeff D'Lo really fucked Big Ev here.

Attention, UConn fans. We have a live show a few hours before tip-off from Barcelona, Arizona. Scottsdale. Join Dave and Big Cat, both Big Husky supporters this weekend because of our bets. Titus, PFT, et cetera. I'll be there in the corner loudly booing. You got the ETC.

So he tagged literally everybody in the picture but Big Ev? Yeah, he was the only et cetera. There was one single et cetera. Yeah, he's the only Etc. There was one single Etc. Yeah, he's the only Etc. That's brutal. One Etc. And it was him. Yeah.

All right. We'll see everyone. See you tomorrow. Please subscribe. It's the act. It's the act. It's your straws, yeah, style of tape for a while. It's the act. It's the act. It's the act.

Yeah, it's time to talk shop. We're doing Yankee swap. It's the act. It's the act. I won't be here tomorrow or Tuesday. Maybe Tuesday, but... So be nice to whoever's in the booth for me. I'll see you guys later. Bye! If you're in Scottsdale this weekend, say hi. Bye. Love you.