The Yak - Rone's Last Show Before His Wedding, Lets Throw His Goofy Ass A Bachelor Party | The Yak 7-20-21

Episode Date: July 21, 2021

If that ass fat KB gonna have thatYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. It's the Yak. Who's that guy? He looks famous. He looks very famous. He looks like a wide out. He has a dog in his bag. Welcome to the Yak. Wait, there's a little dog in his bag?

No, there is a dog in my bag. Yeah, it's a Yorkshire. Get that guy in here. We got to get that guy in here. You think that's a York? Kyle, did you bring cupcakes? What? You heard my question. Why is this's a York? Kyle, did you bring cupcakes? What? You heard my question.

Why is this mic so high? Your mic's not on. Your mic's not on. Use this one. Use this one. You're using the wrong one, KB. Welcome into the yak. You're using the wrong one.

Little Sass is not here, so we can finally enjoy ourselves. What a sigh of relief. And you guys just put out shirts, so he's about to be insufferable as fuck. Oh, you did? The shirts that he'll never wear. We just need to get a burlap sack for him to wear and we can market it as new merchandise. He has a bag with a dog in it and a fanny pack he's wearing around his shoulder. With another dog?

That's a look. That's a new look. That's Keeler's cool. Fetch that man. I don't. Fetch him. Owen. Fetch him.

Who is he? Does he have a Hockey sack? What's he here for? I would love a Hockey sack I could probably Get a hundred I want to play him

What's up Kelly? Hey Kelly Kelly Keegs Are you getting him? Noted Vibs fame I don't think so Yes He'll be a

Fail safe for us In case there's a Lol We'll have him Sit around We'll have him Grab a seat Have him in the On deck circle Yes. He'll be a fail safe for us in case there's a lull. We'll have him sit around. We'll have him grab a seat, have him in the on-deck circle. I mean, he's got a little puppy. Should I make him eat this Japanese jiggly cake? Yeah, what is that?

Why did you bring that? That was another fail safe. Just in case we ran out of topics. I like that. He's been bringing a Japanese jiggly cake on the show every day. Oh, so we've been able to. It's a little Easter egg. Jiggly.

But once you introduce the idea of the Japanese jiggly cake, it's going to be almost impossible for us to not just go right to the Japanese. How much is it? Oh, my God. It's not really a backup. Wait, how much is it jiggling? It's not jiggling at all. Yes, it is.

No, it's micro jiggling. Show it. Show it in the camera. Rip the box around it, you dope. Jiggly cake. Now jiggle. Jiggle it. It looks like my stomach.

It is. Oh! No, no, no. God, Jesus. I really wanted that to dump out. Do it. Show it again. Rip the sides of the box down.

Put it on the table. It's got to have a good hand feel. I kind of want to smack it. Get the smoothie blender. Does it have a good hand feel? Oh, can I get the hand feel? Oh, wait. Can you throw it at the window?

Are we going to eat it later? Oh, it's purple. Oh, Adam. Look. How does it taste? It's a fail safe. It's not for eating. It's so good.

That was our fail safe. Oh, Ron ate the fail safe. Always does. You guys know a little something about Brandon? He's got the greatest hands this side of the Mississippi. Are we tossing jiggly kegs? You caught that like Jeffrey Mayer. Should we see how quick someone can eat it?

Yeah. All right, get this guy's puppy. Get the Travis Scott intern kid. Yeah. Get the Travis Scott intern kid Yeah Get the Travis Scott intern kid Put it back in there We gotta make it look a little better Put the bouncy cake in there

Also can I have a bite before you go? Put the Japanese jiggly cake in there No no no no no I'm not one of those interesting things You'll like it too much What does it taste like? The galaxy? It doesn't really

It tastes like foam No it tastes like a foam ball It tastes like a foam posit Yeah no it tastes like the foam ball That we put in that smoothie I got jiggly cake all fucking over me We grossly overestimated How much people want to hear us talk.

That's really fucking good. They want to hear us do high drinks. Watch us eat and drink. No, I'm on a diet. It's so rich in butter. Literally no jiggly cake diet. That's the only thing I can't eat. You can't eat a Japanese jiggly cake?

It's the only thing. I had McDonald's for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, but no jiggly cake. You can't eat a Japanese jiggly cake? We should have JJC bracelets. Yak JJC and dinner, but no Jiggly Cake. You can't eat a Japanese Jiggly Cake? We should have JJC bracelets. Yak JJC bracelets for Japanese. Just Jiggly Cake. Just Jiggly Cake. We've got to make some Just Jiggly Cake merch in some way.

Urinal Cakes, Jiggly Cakes. Where did you get it, KB? Were you at a wet market? It was a cake speakeasy. They don't sell those. What was the password? They don't sell Japanese jiggly cakes anywhere. Not by law.

A deconstructed bakery? It's a speakeasy, yes. It's this place where they have all types of bread and cakes. I don't know. You never buy it. But you go in the back and they get you a cake in exchange for money. Here he comes. He's coming.

What are your guys' guesses on time? I say one minute and seven seconds. I don't think he finishes. What are your guys' guesses on time? I say one minute and seven seconds. I don't think he finishes. He's from Alabama. He's never had a jiggly cake. He might choke and die. You can sit right here. Are you okay with this, by the way? Legally, are you okay with this?

You don't have a mic. I don't know what you're doing. KB, that's his mic. You're going to eat the Japanese jiggly cake, and we're going to take a giggly So we got a Japanese jiggly cake, if you didn't hear. So just sit there and eat it, and we're going to guess time. So I'm going to say... A minute seven.

I'm going to say 3.15. I'm going to say 3.15. Wait, 3.15? That's light. 2.41. 2.41. Fuck. You're way too quick. 1. 241. 241. Fuck. You're way too quick.

It is so great to use. 122. 154. 122? Son of a dick. 118. 118. It is great to use.

We have no basis on whatever this could be. It's whatever anyone says. What? Are you fucking crazy? Hold on a second. Is this one minute 22 seconds or 122 seconds? Jesus Christ. I would say 122 seconds.

It's not a big number. I'm on the record 315. That's 315 seconds. I said 107 earlier, but I meant it in the number of seconds. I'm guessing 315, three minutes and 15 seconds. I'm saying a minute, 47 seconds. I'm saying a minute 47 seconds. Owen? A minute 54 seconds.

Brandon? 2 minutes 41 seconds. All right. Ready? He needs the cake. You're going to speed run this. You know that, right? No, you can eat it at your own pace.

The objective is to eat it as quickly as possible. He can eat it at his own pace. KB and Nick, what are your guesses again? I'm a minute 14. 1 minute 18. I've got to take this off. All right. Even the strongest of man can't be? I'm a minute 14. 1.18. I got to take this off. All right. Even the strongest of man can't be patient eating a jiggly cake.

Okay. Are we ready to go? When it comes to a Japanese jiggly cake. You say three, two, one, and we'll go. You got to put your hands next to it on the table like you're stacking cups, like a cup stacking championship. All right. Here we go.

It's like that scene in Matilda. Three. Which one? Two. The credits. One. Go. All right.

Faster. Slow. Good mouthfeel, isn't it? Muscle it down. Can you taste the purple? Three minutes is going to. I'm changing my guess to 15 minutes and 32 seconds. So you know this is actually 10,000 calories.

We'll eat as once air time. We can't get an intern on here. This is the densest cake that's ever been made. Push. Push yourself. Push yourself to your human limit. No, no, no. What are you talking for?

Don't talk. Do you need water? Can we get him a water? Let's get him a water to dip in. Get him a water. There's. No, no, no. What are you talking for? Don't talk. Do you need water? Can we get him a water? Let's get him a water to dip in. Get him a water. There's a water right there, Brandon. There's a water right there. It's Jiggly Cake Day.

Oh, no. Fuck. We're at 30 seconds. Oh, I got Jiggly Cake in the port of my phone. It gets everywhere. Push, push, push, push yourself. Push, push, push. Put more in your mouth.

Put more in your mouth. No, we're good. He's going to be at 114. I'm going to win. Did I have the... You're the highest. I have the highest, so I push, push yourself. Push, push, push. Put more in your mouth. Put more in your mouth. No, we're good. He's going to be at 114. I'm going to win. Did I have the... You're the highest. I have the highest, so I'm going to win. You think he's going to finish this in 114?

I can't even see how much he has left. He has a full cake left. A whole cake. And we just hit a minute. I guess we should just talk about something else while he's doing this. Yeah, no, this is... You just do... You go your own pace.

Is it hard to swallow? Is it good? He's not speed eating this by any means. Don't feel rushed. Ooh, nice, a berry gold body armor to wash down your jacket. Push it, push yourself. Alright, let's talk about something else then. So you know how we're like a prank show now, right? Yeah. Brother, you just had PCP.

Wait, here comes mince to eat it out of his... He's gonna suck it out of your throat. Actually, you want to stop this and have Mince eat the rest? Yeah. He's off to lunch. He's off to lunch. Jigglycake almost has the consistency of a banana.

I thought you were going to say it has the consistency of Mince. You can tap out as well. You can go DNF. Mincey. Mince. Mince. Come here. I'm not waving at you.

Oh, God damn it. He thought I was giving him a wave. Come in Mince. Come here. I'm not waving at you. Oh, God damn it. He thought I was giving him a wave. Come in here. Come in here. He's running in like the Undertaker. All right, he can take a bite of the cake. You're tapped out. Take a piece of the cake.

Tap out. You can tap out if you need mints. Take some of this jiggly cake off my man's plate. Mince, you like jiggly cake? Japanese jiggly cake. We got it off of Speakeasy. Mince is. How much sugar is it?

We're on the wagon right now. A curious animal looks across the way. It has the caloric intake of a plantain. What are the... We'll be healthy. What are those fucking animals that pop up out of holes? A meerkat. A gopher.

That's what Vince is doing right now. He's meerkatting it. He's like... Okay. Oh, all right. Okay, so I need to try a little of it? I'll try. No, get a whole handful.

Grab a handful. It's a half. You have to eat the rest of it. You have to eat the half of it. Perfect. Eat a little bit of it. No, don't take it. No tasties.

No tasties. No tasties. No, no. Swallow it. It's okay, Mince. I love how our fail safe was the first thing we did on the show Oh Oh

Oh He likes it So how long do you think it would take to eat the half of it? He's pretty good Alright, have another piece Oh, no, Mince Oh, God Get Frankie

You gained like 10 pounds last month on the red On the bananas? I couldn't even tell Come on You look good My man, Mince He'll eat anything That guy's still out there Yeah On the bananas? I couldn't even tell. Come on. You look good. My man, Mincy. He'll eat anything.

That guy's still out there. Yeah. He wants the Japanese jiggly. Yeah, let's get him. Should we at least let him try the Japanese jiggly cake? What? Are you done? Yeah, it's awful. You're done?

It's not awful. It's delicious. DNF. He's DNF. All right. So I won. Hit the road, you bastard. I'm the alpha of the show.

I think I won. Yeah, Nick won. Nick actually won. Hit the road, you bastard. I'm the alpha of the show. I think I won. Yeah, Nick won. Nick actually won, I'm pretty sure. He's got the coolest shirt on. Good try. Well, no, I'm not even going to say good try. You could have done better. You tried.

You're from the South, boy. You could have eaten that. It didn't taste good. It didn't taste good. For those, he wasn't next to the mic. He said, it didn't taste good. Please tell us what you're wearing today. What are we wearing today?

Into the mic. Into the mic. Guava ones. Guava ones for the boys. Yeah. All right. Nice. Let's go, guavas.

Has a girl ever been like, are those shoes for me? And you're like, nah. No. You can say they're unisex. Okay. Unisex. What's up with his shorts? Why are they so puffy?

He has stuff in his pockets, right? Yeah. Wallet, keys, phone. He looks like an MMA guy. He looks like a capoeira boy. Okay, cool. Quavo 1, like him. Do you really like him?

Yeah, I do. Am I buying him? I've got to get on that intern salary. How is every intern paid with the coolest shoes? They're all living in Manhattan. Are those Deonts? No, they're just regular Nikes. Yo, so the big part of the show today, after we did our fail-safe,

this is our last show with Roan. Yeah. Before he goes and gets his ass hitched. So Roan has made a top ten list of chicks he'd like to fuck in the office. Alright. We have eight of them here. It was weird that four of them work here. Yeah, so ten

is Erica. That's interesting. You go ahead and finish the rest of that. Is this your bachelor party? Yeah, this is it. The jiggly cake. Kind of. Thank you, KB. Is this your bachelor party? Yeah, this is it. This is your bachelor party. The jiggly cake. Kind of. Thank you, KB.

You're welcome. I knew you would like the Japanese jiggly cake. Can we smash the rest of it? Do you want to smash the Japanese jiggly cake? It's delicious, though. The mouth feels so good. Owen, have you not had any? Maybe we throw it at that window.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's way better. See how fast it takes to go down the window? Yeah, we'll have a jiggly cake race. We all have a piece, throw it at the window, and see who sticks the longest. Yeah, see whose piece sticks the longest.

I don't think it'll stick. Yeah, it will. Yeah, it will. You got a little bit. You got a retention rate. How much does it suck going whenever we start doing this shit and you're like, well, I got to clean that up. No, it's good.

How's the cake? It was really good. The mouth feels so buttery. Yeah. I think it was an embarrassing performance by Sean, to be honest. He should have been able to eat that. Yeah, he bitched out. He played it cool.

Entitlement. Entitlement. You counted down three, two, one, and he was just like. Yeah. No one with guava one has ever devoured. Yeah. That's a cool... That's like you slowly eat Lay's plain chips.

Yeah, Lay's plain chips and a Sprite. Yeah, and a Sprite. You wash your hands after each chip. Yeah. That's a cool guy move. You want Creso's shoes with your dirty hands. How about that bald cell beta bucks manlit crustacean cocked bitch? Thought he did something in the exosphere.

Who are you talking about? The guy from Hot Ones? Oh, Bezos. Dude, what a day to be a Rose Twitter avatar today. They're getting them off. It's really. Wow, what's the Rose avatar signifying? What are they saying?

If billionaires can afford to do a day trip to space, then he can afford to end world hunger. He can have hobbies, bitch. Would they have that same energy if it was Alice Walton and Julia Coke? Yeah. Doing a girl's night up there. I do love how just on the nose,

the entire thing is that he got in a phallic looking rocket and then went just to the tip of space. Yeah, just tease the rim. So he like, even in his wildest fantasies, he can't actually insert. He can't penetrate. Yeah, right. Like, dude, he didn't actually get there. He edged himself atmospherically.

What happens? You just can't like cross that extra bit? Well, then you're gone forever yeah you just get sucked out in this space you get fully sucked that one clip where they're like whereas like jeff bezos was like look at the view it was a terrible view what a bad and you know he was just strapped in real tight he didn't see anything yeah he closed his eyes. Yeah, he definitely did. Held his nose. And is it a milestone or isn't, didn't like a Red Bull athlete do that too and they like skydive from there? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Didn't the Virgin Mobile guy do it like last week? Yeah, everyone's just doing it. Branson's ass. Branson's always up in space, that fucking goofy fucker. But you don't like Jeff Bezos, KB? You were saying some nasty things about him? I did. There's an insane website that just shows his wealth by you scroll.

Dude's rich. The rice trick? It was more impressive than the rice. No, nothing's more impressive than the rice. This pixel could feed a family of four for 3,000 years. It's the chessboard, right? The chessboard? What's the chessboard?

You put a penny and you double it for every piece of the chessboard What's the chessboard? You put a penny and you double it For every piece of the chessboard But that's not chessboard right? I thought that was the rice trick Where you double it every day That's the rice trick The rice trick It's a lot of rice

What is the rice trick? It's just like this is a piece of rice This piece of rice is a million dollars And this barrel of rice is a billion. And then it was the entire world full of rice. This is Jeff Bezos. You think he's ever had anybody killed? You think he's ever had anybody

covered up a murder? I do like probably in an Amazon warehouse. I very much find it funny. The simps of Jeff Bezos. I want to talk to one of those people. I think I simp him. Really? Yeah. the simps of Jeff Bezos. I want to talk to one of those people. I think I simp him. Really? Yeah.

There was like a Jeff Bezos walked into, they were like making a documentary about this entire space thing, because of course, and he walked into behind the scenes, like all the people who work behind the cameras, he brought them dinner. And someone was like, this is just why Jeff Bezos is the best. I was like, yeah, that kind of rules. Like to simp a guy that hard. Did he, like, carry it to them? Yes.

He, like, just carried bags of... It was just a big tray of fucking, like, enchiladas. He's like, look at this. And we're like, yeah, people think Jeff Bezos is a bad guy. He got us enchiladas for dinner. I kind of like those people. He just carried the enchiladas 60 feet from whatever other poor person made them for him.

He's the GOAT. Bezos. So stop hating on him, KB. Stop hating on Bezos. I'm sorry, shit. Bro, you just need to get your weight up, not your height up now. Now it's on you. Brandon, why don't you go step on that scale?

Why? Step on the cake, then. Why? I'm not going to step on the cake. Take your shoes off and step on the cake. Yeah, take your shoes off and step on that scale? Why? Step on the cake, then. Why? I'm not going to step on the cake. Take your shoes off and step on the cake. Yeah, take your shoes off and step on the cake. I'll step on the scale. All right, boys.

Let's place our wagers. How much Brandon is? $2.24. $2.54 and a half. No way. $2.46. $2.38. $2.18.

$2.54 and a half. $2.80, I said. $2.80. No, you just stand on it. How big is it? You got to put it out in the hallway, though. You8. 254 and a half. 280, I said. 280. No, you just stand on it. How big is it? You gotta put it out in the hallway, though. You gotta take a bite off it. You gotta put it out in the hallway. It's not gonna work on the... It's not gonna work on... You gotta cut it in your mouth first. No, it's not working. It's like 10 pounds lighter in here.

I'm saying 247-ish. Brandon? 246. Put it out on the concrete. Let's go! Now put it out on the concrete. 252. 254 and a half. Whoa. Hot Mike. Hot Mike.

Wow. That was fucking crazy. I thought we were going to get a kick. You guys are kind of like Frankie and Trent. So he's fat. What is it? Oh, no. Oh, no.

262. Oh, jeez. Oh, no. Because he was just 262? Oh, jeez. Oh, no. Because he was just saying beforehand that he only gained three pounds. Oh, I told him to kill himself. What is that? Oh, no. No.

No. Shut up. Shut the fuck up. No. What was that dude's name? Can we read that? Let's talk about this. Can we read that?

No. Probably not. Probably not. Damn. Y'all are pussies. 260. What do you want us to do about us being a pussy? What do you want us to do?

Nothing. You don't want us to do anything? Yeah. You don't want us to get out of... Go to pussy jail. Oh, yeah? There's nothing else you want us to do to ourselves? Nope.

All right. You've changed. Fucking kill yourself. No no no No No Brandon you know Speaking of killing yourself

Brandon you're 260? 260 yeah Slowly killing yourself buddy I don't think that's right I think that's high I think that's high I don't think that scale works You're almost double me

How much do you weigh? 140 Go weigh on that On the concrete You little bitch Make sure it says 140. You don't weigh 140 either. You're not 140.

No, he's only 143. I've seen him shirtless. He doesn't drink. He doesn't drink. Is he really not? No. I've never seen him. No, I've never seen him drink, and he smokes a lot of cigarettes too.

What's the weight a man has to get where you're like, you're now a slight bitch? Is there a bitch weight? 252. Oh, shit. 252. What did you weigh? 146. 146.

So off about six pounds. You got to get your weight up. Can I get my hate up? Get off the wagon. Who would you like to hate on? So when you go to like a bar cake, you just play like Qbert dead sober? I go out with you like every week

yeah like what the fuck do you do yeah i know i'm following kb around i didn't i think you drink i think this is a bit now no i actually haven't seen him you just looked up arcade games you don't know what cubert is dig dug cubert what's cubert it's like the Isn't it the cube game? Fuck you. I go to Barcades. What do you do there? They sell 40s. Brown paper bags. I love Barcades. I love a bar that basically has made it just as close

to your living room as possible. Without you having to realize, hey, I could have just done this at home. Come to this barcade. We have awesome couches and video games. One Nintendo Switch. You can download this game on your phone for free. What is that axe throwing thing?

Oh, yeah. I've done it. Everybody's good instantly. You go once and everybody has a video of them getting just a perfect bullseye. It can't be hard to do. It's got to be easy. There's no way it's hard to do. We've got to come up with some idea that people are going to start.

It starts in Nashville, I think. It always starts in Nashville. Like a ring. There's like a ring that you throw or something like that. Austin's fucking loves games. Nashville, Austin, Nashville. Duck pin bowling now everywhere I go. Just little ass pins everywhere.

Just for a couple months. Just do something for a couple months and then get out while the get is good. Get the fuck out, yeah. Break rooms. Burn things. Oh, I like to burn things. We could do a cake throwing bar. A cake room.

There should be a break room. A mess slash destruction bar. That's a thing. It's really cool. You go to those rooms and you start smashing shit. No, I don't like glass. What about goop on the ground? You just take off your shoes at the door and there's a bunch of goop.

Goop? Yeah, that's lice. They have a place called Beat the Bomb where you get gooped if you don't do your escape room fast enough. We could burn a tall pole with a pole that goes across it. We could do a rub and tug. That makes sense oh rub and tugs feel like they they kind of are down because the robber craft thing now they might be coming coming back now glennie gave up so they're out forever he gave us domestic rubbing what about a rub and tug where it's it's boys only yeah so you tug and rub your boys you want

to ask the cool guy with the dog in the bag? Yeah. I want to so bad. He's been loitering. Guavas. I think he's been talking to Ebony, though. I don't think he's officially loitering. And Aria. What other ideas we got? So I got a little intel on him.

He's part of the Tico Texas entourage, apparently. Big Cat, your boy was with Tico Texas last night. Who? Parcel Cam. Yeah. Not my boy. Where did they land? And his caption was good to see you again.

Yeah, that was weird. I didn't understand that. How often has he seen her? Apparently a lot. Apparently a decent amount. Twice, though, too. Again, could be the second time. Or he might have never met her before.

It might be just some internet shit like you guys and Bozo. Fuck. I don't know. Good old Bozo. Don't call him that. Don't fucking call him that. I noticed that none of you guys retweeted Karabas' new podcast. I did immediately.

I did as well. Look at my timeline. I'm very supportive. I didn't look at any of your timelines. So you guys did or didn't? I did. I called him Poppy all my timeline. I'm very supportive. I didn't look at any of your timelines. So you guys did or didn't? I did. Yeah. I called him Poppy all the time.

I did. I think it's going to be fucking awesome. It's going to be great. It's a good name. Fire Flames. Yes. Pedro, Pokey, Poppy, Para. Whoa.

Wow. Pedroia. The Mount Rushmore of the 0-4 Sox. Oh, fuck yeah. Wow. Holy shit. How'd you do that? Do it for another team.

Yeah. The 04 Orioles. You've really prepped for today's show. Ripken. Do it for the 2009 Yankees. But make it all start with a P. Pano. Pano.

Cheater. Derek. Soriano. It's a Shara. Soriano. It's a Shera. Soriano. I get it. Say the names that you know, the random names you know. I just did.

KB. Obviously, you don't like to just list off random old athletes. Oh, by the way, the trivia yak is back. We're back. Shout out Jeff D. Lowe. You guys were boring as fuck. So boring. You guys didn't do any hijinks.

You weren't joking at all. We played it exactly straight. You were straight men. Straight men. I needed more tomfoolery. You're going to get bad feedback for that. No, we're not allowed to. We are not allowed to.

You're going to get bad feedback for that. All we do is just play trivia like the people. Like God made it. God made trivia. No fun and hijinks. No hijinks. None. Rome.

No hijinks. None. We let Jeff D. Lowe walk us around Times Square with little dog collars on while we were on all fours. He just barked and he fed us treats. Pissed on us. Yeah. He loved it though.

No, man. Listen, you got to learn how to adapt, and the people want Jeopardy. Who's the most likely undercover Dom in this office? Dom? Like Dom Sub. Dominant? Dominant. Jake Marsh.

Whoa. You guys are all fucking locks, then. I don't think that's undercover, though. You don't think so? No, because he's outwardly alpha. Yeah, he is outwardly. Yeah, but. Okay.

I can see Jeff Lowe fish-hookoking me while he drilled me from the back. I've seen Jeff Lowe with like a person. They were in a gimp suit. I couldn't tell the gender, but it just connected. It was one of those fart masks. Yeah, Jeff just lets out his Chipotle farts. Oh, wow. And he loves fucking me because the Weight Watchers points on the beans.

Yeah. Right up his alley. Yeah. It burns more calories than ever. I could see Dukes being a dumb, playful idiot. Nah, he gets pushed around. Big T being a sub. Did you ghost write your best man speech?

I tried to. He wouldn't take it. I think I would want to, just to make sure it doesn't suck. I just gave him a list of things that he could make fun of me for. I was like, if you'd like to deprecate me, I know that deprecating the groom always plays. So I just gave him like a long list of things like battle wrapped for 10 years. Wasn't your best man already Noah? That is embarrassing.

Yeah. 10 years. I got real close to another guy's face and said poems. Again and again and again. And I just couldn't quit. And I was good at it. Less than minimum wage. How many guys are in your party?

Seven? Yeesh. I know. You're just digging yourself in a deeper hole, brother. I know. It's fucking tough. Actually, what I'm doing, I don't think any of them listen to the show, so I could tell them, but for their groomsman gift, I'm doing a snake

draft. So I'm having an alcohol, a fragrance, a piece of clothing, and the alcohol will range from champagne or Balvin to my piss. Yes! And

we'll let them pick their gifts inspired by that's inspired by you fellas yeah it'll be fun it'll be an activity we'll laugh someone will drink my piss the worst gift i ever got was before wedding they gave the uh groom gave out knives to the wedding party it was like well and we're about to get drunk for the next seven hours. And I have to fly back. That was something else. It wasn't really thought out well. Yeah, it's tough to get a good gift. I got a Stein, a big mug.

That was terrible. Like a brandy snifter. Yeah, just a terrible gift. I went to the pen store. Me and Brandon walked to the pen store together and got this. I got a pancake. It's a great pen. That's my pen. Me and Brandon walked to the pen store together and got those. I went to the pen store, yes. I got pancakes. I like this pen. It's a great pen. Tell him that's my pen.

It's the best pen. It's a.38. They don't come that short. That's a Japanese pen from the Muji store down on 20th Street. What's with our Japanese obsession today? It's a.38. It's the best pen. What kind of Harujuku shit are we on?

Smack that cake. Smack it? Man, this pen is good. Wait, do we want to get somebody to walk in it for the freaks that are watching? Yes, they would love that. Have Ebony come. Dude, did you know that those videos where a white woman makes a meal on a countertop and sloppily and stuff?

Yeah, those are great. You know that's porn? What? Yeah. How's that porn? People jerk off to it. Oh. So wait, just to make it porn, somebody's People jerk off to it. Oh. That's not porn. Just to make it porn.

That doesn't make it porn. Somebody's jerked off to it. It's made for people. Then everything is porn. We should do our own. Jack style. You have to draft something to jerk off to. That would actually be very funny.

You draft a lube, what you're jerking off to. The setting and what you're jacking off to The setting And what you're wearing The breast size Yeah The scent You have to have a scent Underneath your nose

I don't think I could jerk off If it's stinky Like shit I've got papaya It stinks too bad to come You get a shit candle That's not even That's not even a joke

I think that would be true Yeah You can't come to stink? I don't think I could come to good scent. What do you think porn... Oh, that's wrong. ...porn scent smell like? That's wrong.

There's erotic smells. Yeah. What's an erotic smell? Vanilla? Sniffing chicks' hair is, like, one of the coolest things you can do. Yeah, you're right. Axe body spray? That's erotic.

Yep. Depends on the scent. Old Spice? spray that's erotic yep depends on the scent old spice that shit's erotic that's pretty good that was close did you hear that joey langone uh that that it came out that he's been making up his stutter i knew it yeah i fucking knew it guy. He's been using it for content. No, it's just his wife makes him wear one of those remote vibrators. He's always coming. I fucking love Joey Langone. I do too.

He's a really nice guy. He's wearing shorts. I didn't know he had a calf tattoo. He's a tattoo of a calf. Yeah, on his arm. But he's wearing shorts. Yeah,'t know he had a calf tattoo. Whoa. He had a tattoo of a calf. Yeah. On his arm. But he was wearing shorts. Yeah, just two different things. Unrelated.

Unrelated. It was a non sequitur. Speaking of dominatrixes, did you know that there's a such thing as a financial dominatrix? Yep. A finya. That's just called woman. That's just every woman, brother. Come on, bro.

Women be shopping. On the Paramount Plus app, there's old MTV True Lives, and one of them was I'm a financial dom. So what does that entail? You don't do anything sexually, and you flex for people and do webcam stuff, but no actual sex. Sounds sexual. And they just give you money. There's a kid I graduated with. I guess so, yeah.

Mike. He has his own episode of True Life. So just Mike? I don't want to say his last name. Did you watch it yet? No. It's like, I married a Japanese woman. That was like his true life, but it was so, in our hometown it shocked so many people. This is the Japanese show.

It really is. oh my god what were they shocked about he like moved abroad to like marry he's the first first person from our town to marry an asian or go out of the u.s yeah really and then they just did an episode of two kids i graduated with one was on true life and one was on Hoarders. No way. It also disproved Tommy Cheeseball's fact that it's the only documentary or True Life that's been about one person. That was about one person. That was about him. The guy from your town. Cheeseballs work for us.

Yeah. Yeah, I think so. You haven't seen him? He's in the office. He's cooking cheeseballs. Got a podcast with Thornton. He eats cheeseballs. But not the regular cheese balls.

Not cheese balls you get in a fucking tub. Yeah, where do you get them? Sam's Club? Is that the only place you can get cheese balls? Yeah. No, I think it's a sandwich, right? A cheese ball sandwich? I'm pretty sure it's some kind of...

They were going to a steak and cheese place, and they were saying they were going to eat some cheese balls. Or like, is it a side dish or something? Was it like a tub or something? Yeah, maybe. Appetizer? Maybe like deep fried. Yeah, but it's not the traditional sense of a cheese ball.

Just watch the episode. Yeah, just watch the episode. All right, guys? All right. Stop fucking beating around the bush, dude. Did you notice how... He's going to be your boss soon. Yeah, he is. He has, guys. All right. Fucking beating around the bush, dude. Did you notice how he's going to be your boss soon?

Yeah, he has cheese balls is cheese balls. Then Portnoy, you're going to be in his coaching tree. You notice how Travis for the boys

was saying I. I was he. I is that that's price. Is that Southern? I. Is he doing a bonus? That's Southern? Is he doing a bonnet? That's Southern.

I could be doing both, but it's also Southern. Dan, do you always sit like that? You seem to be angled differently today. Body language is towards you. I'm sexually attracted to you right now. No, it's away from me. Oh, no, it's towards Nick, the alpha. We're all facing Nick.

Are you guys stupid? You all are. And I'm facing none of you. I don't want to call you stupid, but I'm facing towards you. Oh, yeah. You're right. Yes, I was definitely that stupid in that moment, sure. It's not even in here it's towards you.

No, I see now, yes. Hi. It's fine. It's fine. Hi. I'm one of... What's up, brother? I find you attractive.

I like your musk. I haven't seen you in a while, Brandon. I missed you. I have missed you. I dirtied to your scent. I missed you guys, too. I missed you. You have a your musk. I haven't seen you in a while, Brandon. I missed you. I have missed you. I jerked to your scent. I missed you guys, too. I missed you. You have a fatherly presence.

I do. I do. So say thanks. Haircut looks great. Thank you very much. Haircut looks okay. You hit up Flash yesterday? That's good.

That's good. I did hit up Flash. You did the thing in the group chat yesterday where you said, cool, when nobody responds. Why do y'all stop responding when I... Because it... Y'all stop responding every time I... But it wasn't even something that could be responded to. It kinda... Yeah. It was really. I said, really? Question mark?

I was like, expound? Yeah, but it was like rhetorical. No, it wasn't rhetorical. I'm not really needy. I only said one thing in the chat. You're needy. You're needy. You're very needy. Brandon, are you excited for college football? Yes. So excited.

I haven't seen you since the idea that oh no, you were with me when we came up with that idea. What idea? You and Nick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. College football season.

We got to talk to you about that too. That's going to be good. That's going to be fun. Cut out KB. That's what I like to hear.

Oh, this is awkward. What's the They're going to roast a different team every week. Yes, sir. That's going to be incredible. Broan will probably help as well.

No, I don't think I will. I think KB will probably. Why don't we all just do it? No, no. I don't like the sound of that. Roast like a team. They're fan base. Yeah.

I will only do Penn State. That's all my jokes. It's going to be similar to like a weekend update where they do those. Okay. Yeah, I could joke. I couldn't do like Washington. Yeah, you could. Try, try, try. Go ahead. Try, try. Yeah, I could joke. I couldn't do, like, Washington. Yeah, you could. Try, try, try.

Go ahead, try, try. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Washington. Here we go. This is KB roasting. I mean, there's a lot of rural Washington that can be. Come on, come on. The college itself is Seattle, right? Yeah.

Oh, Washington State's in Pullman, though. I wasn't talking about that. Oh, okay. Here comes the roast. He's got it going. I mean, Pullman is a funny name. Pause. Mm-hmm. Uh, okay. Here comes the roast. He's got it going. I mean, Pullman is a funny name. Pause. Pause.

Y'all live in Pullman? Pullman. The dogs, the purple dogs. Didn't Joel McHale play tight end for Washington? Yes, he did. Jake Locker, who was a quitter. Tight end. He did.

I think he walked on. Jake Locker, quitter. Yep. Vita Vea. Vita Vea. One of Steven's best scouting things. Mark Brunel's left-handed ass. Now we're listening.

You guys are flexing your knowledge, your random sports knowledge. Okay. Really bad camera angle at the stadium. They have sailgating though. Sailgating. That's fire. The purple rain is what they're going with right now. That's not fire.

Yeah, it is. Sailgating. Have you ever been? Is that tailgating on a boat? The apple cups? No, it didn't. Ever heard of it? The apple cup?

No way. It was fucking sick. On a sailboat? I would rather tailgate in a parking lot. It's not a sailboat. It's a boat. It's a boat. Why is it called a sailboat? I did it parking lot. It's not a sailboat. It's a boat. It's a boat. Why is it called a sailboat?

I did it in Tampa. It's fun. You can do it in Knoxville, and you can do it in Washington. In Tampa. Yeah, in Tampa. Next whole shtick is he just hates everything. That's it. I know that about your train.

It's tried and true. Everybody loves it. What else can you do? Railgating. Railgating, yeah. It's on a train. No, that's just doing a shitload of coke, yeah. While you're getting railed.

In Seattle, they have something called the Salt Lake Union Transit, and it's called the Slut. It's like their trolley. Oh. It's true. Is it a bad trolley system? I think it's pretty good, but the name is Monster Oversight. Mailgating?

That was an oversight. Mailgating? Mailgating, where you just ride your guide. Mailgating? That was an oversight. Mailgating? Mailgating where you just ride your guy. Dalegating where you have to be named Dale? Oh. Dale's a great name. It's the worst name. If I have another

son, I'm definitely going hard in the paint for the name Dale. Yeah, Baby Dale would be funny. But they can only be a baby, though. They have to be a baby their whole life. No, Baby Dale becomes Boy Dale right before your eyes. And then Mandale. Mandale.

Oh, and Mandale's awesome. Yeah. Yeah, Dale's a good name. People need to be named Dale more. I think that they should stop being named Dale. Can we hire a Dale? Yeah, we should get a Dale. I think Dales are out.

Dale Ellis. Dale Earnhardt. Dale Earnhard a Dale? Yeah, we should get a Dale. I think Dales are out. Dale Ellis? Dale Earnhardt? Dale Earnhardt Jr.? See, he's listing names again. Billy's got a cousin named Dale, and we always give him shit because Dale's taller than Billy. I imagine that really hurts him.

Oh, yeah. You just spoke like a children's book. Like, Billy has a cousin named Dale. Yeah. Dale is taller than Billy. Dale and Billy cousin named Dale. Yeah. Dale is taller than Billy. Dale and Billy wrestle. Dale always wins. Put it plainly, though. Except one day,

Billy brought a shotgun. And then he made sure Dale would never win again. Did you see that Jeff Vibs dressed up like Jeff Bezos today? What? Yeah. He's doing a double Jeff. This guy does it all. He's double Jeffing.

Yeah. He ain't double Jeff. Yeah, he is. Jeff Gordon. Jeff. Is it low? No, no, that's not it. I knew a guy named Jeff with a PH once.

Lyle John's way wetter. He's a real asshole. We should all double our own names. We come in dressed as our most famous double. So, Adam, you just come in fucking naked. With a little leaf over that little pecker. Double Adam. Just cracking one rib missing.

Ow. So Nick, you'd be Nick Lachey? Definitely. Cannon. You know what you gotta do. I know. Gavies this summer, brother. Gavs didn't walk through those doors. For you to not be canoning.

Leave that drum at home. That's not enough, boy. I would be Kyle. Rittenhouse? Oh, Rittenhouse. Yeah, we're all going to have to double. Owen Hart. Wilson.

Dan. Owen has to die? Bill Zarian. Bill Zarian. Brandon Whedon. Owen Hart Wilson Dan Bill Zarian Bill Zarian Brandon Whedon probably yeah probably he's older than you right you don't really have to do much

that would be yeah we should come in one day as our worst celebrities our worst selves our worst selves yeah Dan Bilzerian Kyle Rittenhouse

a blackface Nick Lachey. Nick Lachey blackface. I'm not Nick canoning. I'm blackface Nick Lachey. He would get canceled for that. Nick Lachey would get canceled. When did Lachey do that? That's fucked up.

So fucked. What would Harry be? Connick. Junior? No, no. Truman? Connick. Which one? No, no. Truman? Yeah, Truman. Truman.

The guy from Home Alone? Ah. Steve. Ball Madden. Steve Crowder. The shoe guy. Steven Crowder. Louder with Crowder.

He's had me blocked for seven years. My longest block, I think. No way. That's a long block. Yeah.. My longest block, I think. No way. That's a long block. Yeah. Does he keep track? I called him a pussy after he faked it. He got punched in the face by the union guy. Oh, yeah.

Remember that? And he blocked me. Steve Nash? Nah. What the fuck? No. He's just nominating cool Steve's. He's Canadian.

Yeah, who's the coolest? Spielberg. Steve Osniak. Jobs. Steve Jobs. People were named Steve for a long time's the coolest? Steve Wozniak. Jobs. Steve Jobs. People were named Steve for a long time. Was he the last Steve, too? Steve Jobs did.

Oh, yeah. Super dude, right? Yeah. Yeah. Agreed or disagree. Wozniak is... Because he had a pretty treatable cancer, and he thought he could solve it by eating fruit. Zah, because you watched that Gwyneth Paltrow documentary.

He subscribed to Goop, and he was like, I'm just going to lick it by manifesting it. Steven, you're okay with that though, alternative medicine for cancer patients. I mean, if it helps some people. But it doesn't. It helps everyone. It doesn't. Sometimes having hope is better than surviving. Hope is the greatest

currency in the world. False hope. You know what's better than that? Stronger than Bitcoin, brother. Like getting your hopes up before you immediately die. That's the worst case. Yeah. Means you go out on top. No, it doesn't.

No. But wouldn't you rather just not go out? I mean, if you could be saved. You're right. Which he could. Through medicine. Not 100%. You know what's not 100%? You know what's not 100%?

You know what's 0%? Being like, I'm going to eat this peach and I'll be able to survive. I don't know if peaches are approved. A peach from Georgia, though? No heirlooms for me. I have leukemia. Where's your granite in here? Didn't you say you wanted to eat a nut today?

Yeah, should I go get peanut butter? Do you have an EpiPen? I don't think. I don't know. Not today. Where's your EpiPen? To my apartment. No.

How close is that? 1.2 miles. So eat the peanut butter, then walk to your apartment. Yeah, you can be back in 30 minutes. No, I want to have the reaction on the yak. Call us. It'd be better. We'd probably have the wrong camera angle as you start to... Asphyxiate.

We'd cut out. So Dana said he could drink a beer. So he could drink a beer and eat an entire slice of pizza in one minute. Is that impressive for him? I don't know. That is like the cusp of... It's like somewhat of a challenge. He can drink a beer in how long?

I've seen people 10 seconds. I mean, you roll the pizza up, I'd imagine. He said that, then I said, really? And that's when nobody else responded. I thought that was a question for him. I felt like he could have answered that. No, I don't think he could in a minute with the crust. He could have answered it in a minute.

It wouldn't have taken that long to answer. He can do a beer in, like, what, 10 seconds? He's in the group chat right now. He's probably listening to every word we say. Tell him to come in here. Via the group chat. This pen is awesome. Wait, let's get him to sit on that cake somehow?

Yeah. Cake fart. Do you think he'd look down before he sits? No, let's hide someone behind the chair, have them pop up and slip it down

as he's sitting down. Or we could put it under the cushion. Yeah, but then it doesn't get on his, it's just his rump. It's funny. His rump goes uncaked.

Maybe Tommy Smokes would sit on the cake. Tommy Smokes, what a fucking pussy hound that guy is. He'd just get some chick to lick it off his ass. He broke up the Pussy Patrol. That's a sad story. What do you think of Spider?

Dude. Is he stuck in character? The Pussy Patrol got one taste of pussy and they all fell apart. What is the Pussy Patrol? It's Tommy Smokes, Jack McGuire, and Spider.. What is the Pussy Patrol? It's Tommy Smokes, Jack McGuire, and Spider. They called themselves

the Pussy Patrol. Wasn't there a fourth person, a fourth member that got killed off? They've all been friends. We killed them off in season one. It's their friend

named Seraphim. Yeah. That's actually true. Yeah, it's their friend named Seraphim. That's actually true. They were always at his house. Yeah. I've heard stories. He's a legend. Iaphim. That's actually true. They were always at his house.

Yeah. I've heard stories. I met him. I met him. You met what? At Bar-A. At Seraphim? What was he like?

Them. That's not good. Cherubic. That's not good. I would argue if you combine all of them, it's the worst human in the world. I don't know what trait to pull from where. Was that an angel, Brandon?

A seraphim? No. No. Is it? I thought like Cheros and seraphim were like. Yes, but I don't think seraphim's the same thing. Are you wearing Anne 1 socks? I am wearing Anne 1 socks.

I love. They sell them at Walmart. You're wearing A Anne 1 socks. A Anne. Yeah, that's why. You can. Yeah, that's the name. I'm wearing a sock and one.

Anne 1! I love it. Yeah, that's the name. I'm wearing a sock and one. And one! I love it. It's about the socks. You can buy like a dozen and one socks these days for just $3.99. Pack of 13. Baker's dozen socks. 13 pack of socks. Oh, fuck.

KB, let's roast another city. What say you about Fresno? Fresno State Bulldogs. Go off. Anytime, anyplace, anywhere. Fresno's probably like one of the worst places to live, right? Okay. All right, here you go.

Just warm it up. That's San Bernardino. The Central Valley. What about Rancho Cucamonga? Trash. Here we go. So I actually did hypothetically put out, I want to do a college football road trip,

and the one guy in my DMs is called Fresno's Finest, and he is just sending me facts about Fresno every day. He's trying to get me to Fresno for a game. I don't want to go. How would that road trip work? Where would you be driving from to where? I don't know. Don't you guys do that?

We're going to do something like that this fall. You're going to do what? Some sort of college football road trip. Isn't that what the college football show is? Well, yeah, but that, not really. We just fly in, fly out. That's not really a road trip. Yeah, but what's the difference?

And what's near Fresno? And where are you going for a road trip? Sacramento? I don't, we haven't, we've locked nothing down. We're going to go to Sacramento. We're going to go to Texas A&M, Missouri State. And then, of course, we've got all the college football games we're going to go to. You're really planning.

Yeah. You've got time to make up for. I like to plan. Yeah, a lost season to make up for. You're going to go to double college football this year. Back on the road. Yes, sir. Mississippi State's not going to be good this year.

We just won a national championship, sir. Mississippi State's not going to be good this year. We're going to win eight games. You think so? Yeah. Do Louisiana Lafayette. Fucking Lafayette. Legion Cajun.

Dude, Dustin Poirier. Give me two SEC schools, alphabetically or something. Maybe I can roast them. Brandon, can you give us? Yeah, go with South Carolina and Tennessee. Jesus Christ. That was alphabetical. It was, but not

from the beginning of the alphabet. You couldn't? I couldn't do it. Oh, you didn't say alphabetically from the beginning. Exactly.

Isn't that how it's too late now? Give it to us. A to Z SEC team scope. Alabama, Arkansas. Edward Sharp over here.

Where's your magnetic zeros, dumbass? Oh, Arkansas. Where's your magnetic zero, dumbass? Oh, no. All right, Pat with your fat ass. Pat's been doing a Langone, too. Just step on it. It works when you step on it.

Frank is pranking him. He's yeah, just step on it. It works when you step on it Saddle with him ranks tipping the scale on his ass Frank's always up to mischief Sprite Yeah, what so why are we so walkie today? Rachel Beeman's trying to just walk around, showing everyone her new ACL. You got a new ACL and a romper.

Big Cat, can you throw another piece of cake? I've seen other people wear rompers. That's embarrassing for her. No, you're butthurt, bro. You're taking it personally. Sorry if the shoe fits. She hasn't tweeted about these PMT button-ups. Oh, my God. Ew.

Camera this. Camera, camera, camera, camera. Camera two on the splatter pattern on glass. You got some on our target, too. Camera, camera, camera, camera, camera. Come on. There it is. There it is.

Yeah. It's staying up there. Can we have someone plank on this cube? Yeah, Brandon can. Do you think we can get an intern just to be our table? Like we hire a table for the yak. All of our furniture, actually. Where's Sass's ass?

He said he was going to be in for the second half of the show. Liar. Liar. Who's this guy? Because we got Hyde just getting in the park. He walks over there. He does. Yeah, I've seen him a good bit

Booked it at one I like him Yeah, I do too What about him? He definitely has anime What is that supposed to mean, Rowan? It's a Japanese-themed episode Why, what is that supposed to mean?

What is that supposed to mean? Oh, fuck He definitely has anime We gotta know what is that supposed to mean off He's got manga. Have you guys ever had Syrian food? Yeah. What is it?

No, I've never had it. Kyle, make go at it. Pita. Damascus. Pita? Yeah, I don't know. I was just watching videos of it. Was it Syrian bread?

Yeah, it looks good. I want to try it. I'll bring some in for us. Okay. All right. Dunk. We got to go to Syria. Let's do a live show in Syria. I'm going try it. I'll bring some in for us. Okay. Alright. Dunk. We gotta go to Syria. Let's do a live show in Syria.

I'm gonna come right back. Let's do one in Dagestan. Ooh, we do have a live show coming up. Let's do one in Dar es Salaam, KB. What's the... See, that's your version of listing athletes, listing cities. Yeah. Let's do some cities.

What's up with the live show? We're gonna do it. I have some further KB. Let's have some cities. What's up with the live show? We're going to do it. I have some further details I can talk to you guys about. All right, let's hear it. We'll run some type of contest. I have to get the actual number of tickets available. There's a capacity for the place we're going, and then we have to get our capacity,

which will be a little bit lower. But once we get that, we can hammer out details. We'll do a contest probably on our Twitter or or something like that let's follow barstool yak there we uh we probably shouldn't do a show that day right yeah correct it's gonna be in bk brooklyn i'm gonna have to show you guys around me and big cat will show you guys the ropes me and sass were thinking about moving to brooklyn i told you i just told you to do that you're like no i think i got four more years in Manhattan before I go. You basically made it seem like you're getting put out to pasture when you live in Brooklyn.

I know. And then. Then you found out about the clubs in Bushwick and the ketamine scene there. Exactly. Yes. No, yeah. I'm just pretty sick of it. So I think we should do that.

Did you guys just move in? Seems like it. January 1. So you got some time. Yeah, we're thinking about maybe breaking the lead even. Someone just texted me that you guys are talking shit about my ACL. Yeah, we said you're walking around showing off your new ACL. Defend your ACL.

What's not shitty about it? I can't reveal. Counterpoint your ACL being shitty. Was it a cadaver? No. Cadaver? No. Cadaver? Nope. What is it?

Patella. Are you taxidermied right now? No. Is that a dead person in your name? No. Sorry, the cake fell. Some of it fell. All right, I just had to come.

No, I literally said you were walking around. I was like, look at Rachel thinking she's so hot. Yeah, I get to run in a couple weeks. Hot as shit with a fucking new ACL. Picking berries on a weekend, being basic. And none of us are wearing oversized t-shirts and shorts above the thigh.

I like your situation. The Reebok Club C is the fourth most purchased sneaker on the internet. Oh! Girls will put on a Reebok Club C. What kind of berries did you pick? My fit is sick.

Blackberries, raspberries. The basics. No boysens. Did you hear that blackberry? Every blackberry you pick has a bug in it. There's a parasite in literally every blackberry. I just found that out this past week. I knew that.

I did it anyway. And you ate them? Did you eat them? Yeah. That's nuts. What are you, a bear? All right, Beeman. Peace, Beeman.

All right, see ya. Good luck coming back with that one. I roasted her ass. Come on. A bear. A fucking bear. For that fucking rat watching. A fucking bear.

Fuck you. We're going to sniff you out. Who is doing that? That is a little... I'm going to set a rat trap. I don't like that move. Yo, Rach, bad news. The boy's just roasted your ACL.

Fuck. Rach, are you sitting down? Yeah, my legs hurt. I'm in a wheelchair. Yeah, I can only sit. Here comes Fyndom Big T. He doesn't have expensive shoes because he's just showering somebody with money. He's just selling sugar daddy so they can buy shoes.

Do you think we could get him to clap his ass? Just walks in in a towel. I'm trying to think of what would be harder than to get Big T to twerk. I don't think there's anything. There's nothing. Like passing the bar in 20 days. No. How Frank Abagnale passed the bar in Catch Me If You Can.

That's harder than getting. That's the only thing. How would you go about it? Say you had to. Life or death. Clap your ass. I don't think you can do it. No, you hold his parents hostage. That's the only way. Yeah. Yeah, I would say I'm going to die unless you clap. No, he wouldn't care if you died, though.

It has to be his parents. Yeah, we're going to have to kidnap his parents. And we've got to be willing to kill him. It's like a remake of Speed. He has to clap his ass at a certain RPM. If he stops for five seconds, the whole room blows up. 60 beats per minute. Big T in the center of an atrium filled with people

when he has to clap his ass and we're gonna explode. Clap your ass like a hummingbird. Let's make that film. Yeah. He starts

and he starts and he gets tired after like 20 seconds in a fucking The crowd starts to clap along with him. In elementary school, it blows up. You can do it, Connor.

Big T, you stop clapping your ass. Keep clapping, Connor. That's my t-shirt in the store that hasn't been selling. Keep clapping, Connor. Keep clapping, Connor. Clap those asses. Or like a Stephen King dystopian novel where he gets...

It's him and other contestants who will get blown up by a tank if they stop clapping their ass. It's like a Stephen King dystopian novel where it's him and other contestants who will get blown up by a tank if they stop clapping their ass. It's like a full atrium. But they have to march while doing it. It's the Javits Center of just like a thousand people clapping their ass and they get picked off one by one as soon as they all fall below a certain BPM. And there are child soldiers in the war against robots. We got to get him to clap his ass.

Clap those cheeks, Connor. We got to get him to keep it up. Just never stop clapping. We'd have to condition him a while so he could get in good enough shape to clap at a 60 BPM. That's so many beats a minute. Anytime he starts clapping, if he stops... We'll prod him like a cattle prod? No, like an orphanage blows up.

Yeah. Okay, nice. His crack, his butt crack would start to bleed. You've got to keep going. Think of the kids. Let's play a game. Can I get some powder? Hello, Connor.

Gold bond. Drops it in there. You may notice some nodes attached to your big juicy cheeks. Wait, stop. Where am I? I'd be sucking titties telepathically. Yes, sir. So if your nipple twitches or gets hard, that was me.

It's a phantom tongue. Yes, sir. You have been. We know that. That's facts. Wait, so you're really trying to move to Brooklyn? Where are you going to move? Bushwick?

Williamsburg. Oh, yep. I don't know. Williamsburg. Williamsburg. You get a don't know Williamsburg Williamsburg You get a little co-op Live on top of the Borrego Maybe get yourself a little compost in the back

Yes bro There's a B-dub Carlin Your best friend On the table for me Which is like My sister's old apartment Then her friends

Then That I think would be a good deal In where? I do Brooklyn I don't know I gotta ask I didn't ask a single phone

Just say what's the address. What's the address? Say the address. Cross street. Stop on the L. Or is it even the L? Is it the F? I don't know.

M-A-C-1-2? I don't know. The A, the C, the L? The 1, the 2? Kyle doesn't know how to take the subway. Nope. He just misses a stop every time. You end up on the 79th Street station so often.

No matter where you get off. What's up with that? Everywhere he goes, he comes out at 79th. Subways, they don't tell you where you are currently. Look. And if you skip a beat, you're at the next one and the next one. I think they do tell you where you are. You're at 79th so much.

They're all labeled. And there's so many ways that they tell you. They're not labeled. It should be electronic on the subway. On the subway, you should be able to buzzer. When I'm on that orange-ass one,

I don't know where the fuck I am. You need it to be like when you wait for your table at Cheesecake Factory, you need to walk on with the buzzer. Yeah, it tells you when you're stopping.

It buzzes you when you're ready to get off. That's not a bad idea. That's what Langone's sitting on all day. That's a really good idea. Yeah, shit. They should run the subway

at Cheesecake Factory. A lot of run the Subway Cheesecake Factory. A lot of things should be like Cheesecake Factory. The big-ass menu, 10-page menu. Dude. There's actually probably 20. Their menu's massive. I love a restaurant that's like, what if the people want fajitas and pasta?

And they do it all good. How long would it take you to try every cheesecake factory? You go, Texas is in the building. Steven, what's the best soup at Cheesecake Factory? Camered by Rick James. One of my favorite things that Tico Texas ever did was making fun of white people by calling us baseball fans. I thought that was always very funny. Wait, did she come up with that first?

I don't know, but she did it very long ago. And she always kept on saying, like, Kevin Clancy is a baseball fan. It's actually an incredible disc. I just remembered her belly button. Oh, it's disgusting. Makes me want to puke. Her umbilical cord was botched. What happened?

She's got like a big time outie, but it's like a full tumor. Well, now I'm going to need to see it. Her belly button's bigger than Brandon's penis. Well, let's get Tico and Brandon in the same room. Brandon's got no penis. Yeah, you do have no dick.

You got no penis, bro. Very successful penis. Tico! Tico! Tico, what's up? Come on in. Get on in bitch She don't remember me Nope That was

She was just giving that She gives that dance to everybody Tico what's up Tico hop on the mic right here How's it going That's a fire Yo Good to have you back

Good to have Good to be here Barstow I love y'all guys Tico Texas Are you got a concert here Eating breakfast This weekend or no Did I what You got a show here this week breakfast. This weekend or no? Did I what?

You got a show here this week or no? Yeah, I did. Hell yes. Okay. I'm still doing music. I sent y'all some new music, some new videos.

You couldn't bring out your big hoops today or what? What you mean? Oh, damn. I just thought you may be with being the big hoops. Those are hoops. I've been seeing you.

Look at you, big cat. You doing a damn thing. I know. I miss you, Tico. I miss you too, cat. All right. Well, it's good to see you. Give us a damn thing. I know. I miss you, Tico. I miss you too, Cat. All right. Well, it's good to see you. Give us a hot 16.

Kyle, Kyle. It must be. Cause this bitch got flow. H-O-U to L-A-X. My name everybody know. Yes, Tico fucking Texas. All my niggas acting reckless. Hot box in the Algo Lexus.

Don't get hit with the tech in my mind. They my only weapon. Yeah. Fuck yeah. It's five for us. What's up? How y'all doing? Good. You doing Fuck yeah. It's 5-4. What's up, though? What's up? How y'all doing?

Good. You doing Dave's show right now? I am. I'm about to go hop in, but it's good to see y'all. Always happy. Love forever. Drop the socials. Drop the socials so everyone knows where to hit you up.

Tico Texas. At Tico Texas. T-I-K-O Texas. SoundCloud. Tico Texas. Spotify. Apple Music. Tidal.

Anything you got, it's going to be on there. And if you're looking for some other content, you know, OnlyFans.com slash TicoTV. You know what I'm saying? Okay. Don't let Lenny balls know. All right. He'll be jerking off to you.

Barstool schoolies love my OnlyFans. I got to shout it out. I'm jerking off to you. Yes. Definitely. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh.

Uh-oh. Teach Big T. You got to teach Big T. Yeah. Love you, Barstool. Love you, Tico. Thank you. Baseball. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Teach Big T. Teach Big T. All right. Love you, T. Go. Fuck baseball. Thanks, T.

Fucking hate baseball. Oh, this guy was at the Yankees game. I feel a little honored that she remembers me. That felt nice. She did. She said, look at you. Not like you look good. Yeah, she said, Big T.

Look at you alive. Today would have been, never mind. What? I'm glad I didn't Nick Lachey today. We got Nick Lachey in here. Oh, Jesus. I Lacheyed today. All right.

Fuck, man. Chicken or tuna, brother? All right. Let's get out of here. Roan, good luck. Roan. Oh. Yeah.

See you in a couple weeks See y'all Yeah Show that Show your ring finger There's nothing on that Anything Oh

Last time Yes sir And uh And you got one of those Sports bands That stretch If it gets caught In like a tire

Or something Rob just let me have his Yeah Even though they said That it gets It gets ripped off If you use a Cuisinart around it

But c'est la vie Need love Alright Love love even though they said that it gets ripped off if you use a Cuisinart around it, but c'est la vie. Need love. All right. Love, love. We'll see you, Rowan, in a couple weeks. We'll be back tomorrow. We'll be back tomorrow. It's the act. It's the act.

It's the act. Thank you.