The Yak - Sas and Rone Came to Riff in Chicago | The Yak 12-12-23

Episode Date: December 12, 2023

Watch out for that slippery Gold BondYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Yo, DJ, hold that up. Oh! Look at that. Look at this guy. Welcome in. Yak. Use promo code yak at roback.com.

Q-Zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts. Q-Zips. You forgot. And Q-Zips. Flee, hoodies, joggers, shorts. Q-Zips. You forgot. And Q-Zips. Fleeces, vests, everything. Polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts. Use code YAK. 20% off. And we got Sassy.

What's up? What's up? How's it going? Oh, he's picking up right where he left off. Yo, he doesn't miss. The return of the king. AB, you're looking thick as hell. Oh, he's diesel. Have you seen his ass?

No, I've never seen you in jeans like that before. He has a date or something. You gotta put on jeans? All of my sweatpants are black and disgusting. I don't think I've ever seen you in jeans. That's why I'm light. What do you look like? You look like something. He looks like something.

I can't exactly tell what. Something? Yeah. You look like you look like something he looks like something i can't tell i can't exactly tell what something yeah you look like you were like on uh yo mama you remember that like uh snap show where everyone would like fucking diss each other or maybe mtv you look like wilmer valderrama a little bit yeah yeah you look like maybe the fourth fourth chair in uh ridiculousness yeah holy fuck that was crazy, Rob. We don't really know if this guy's famous or not, but he's there. You have the demeanor of somebody who thinks they're famous.

Like a nitro circus. Yeah, I'm looking at myself. You're on your nitro circus. I contemplated this outfit for like 15 minutes. Like a Yo Mama cash member. You're the first guy that goes and daps up the dude on the wheelchair after he has a quadruple backflip in Nitro Circus. Let's go. Do you not usually wear high tops?

I don't know. The whole thing is new. Everything is brand new. Backwards hat, jeans, high tops. You're so experimental today. Are you nervous? Are you like, I got to impress Ronan's ass? Yeah, I thought I had it in me today.

Look at you, man. I don't want to look like that. I look just like the ridiculousness dude in 2016. Oh, man. Perfect. Yeah, it's tough to hear. like the ridiculousness dude in 2016. Oh man. Perfect. Yeah it's tough to it's tough to even look at you on camera.

We got a paper over that side of the TV. We can't see. Dude I kind of look cool. Yeah you do. You kind of look cool. Definitely look swaggy. Man this is so weird

you guys it's so far I feel like I'm fucking yelling to KB right now. I think it's the same. He can hear you. It's about the same. Hell no. The headphones.

You don't put on headphones. I think you're just used to your apartment. Yeah, probably. That's probably what it is. These bright-ass lights. Yeah, until yesterday. Yeah. Big technical errors.

Laptop broke. And then we got out of the plane today, and I opened up my backpack to get something and I got a gust of hot air and I picked up my laptop and it was like 2000 degrees. It was in overdrive? That's a bomb. It was so hot. If your lithium battery is expanding that's an actual bomb you had on the plane. Your laptop had a fever. Yeah it's still broken. It's not turning on. It's just too hot.

So what's going on when that happens? I don't know. Is everything breaks? Literally, I was in the middle of editing, and it just shut off and never came back on. How does it get so damn hot? I think the fan breaks. I think the fan broke. And you're also trying to do a bunch of stuff, and it's like, I can't compute all this.

I'm not trying to do shit. It was off. It was still trying to do the other stuff. Yeah, true. It's trying to find those video delay trying to find your files yeah they knew you were upset well they're gone forever i still don't know why you brought the broken laptop with you though because i was i was hoping it would just turn on randomly uh i like that's that's a fair hope yeah we're just like enough time it still could yeah yeah i still think it might that's

cousins to the when you when your laptop or your computer gets a bunch of pop-up uh viruses and you just shut it off real quick oh yeah i think i'm good yeah yep i think i saved myself and then just never have for like 10 minutes to come back like yep we're good even though it's all the russian spyware is that your water i don't know. Brandon drinks my water every single episode. I think this is my water. That's your water. My water's down here. And it sucks because I put mine up here.

Brandon never has a cap on his. He puts it down here. But every once in a while, I'll pick up my bottled water, and it'll taste just like Chick-fil-A. Ew. I didn't have Chick-fil-A. I know. I didn't do it today. But you had other fried chicken.

I had other fried chicken. I expanded to another fried chicken restaurant. What? Yeah, it's called Feed. It was pretty good. It had macaroni and cheese and feed. You know you're fat if you're ordering food from Feed. Did you see any cows in line?

He got the trough meal. Was there a pig in front of you getting his lunch? The fried chicken was okay. The okra was good. The macaroni and cheese was excellent. Brandon, having macaroni and cheese and fried chicken at 10 a.m. Every single day. First of all, it was like 10.45.

I don't get done until 10.30. You placed that order at probably, what, 9.30? No, I placed it about right when we got done with Mostly Sports, 10.15, and then I ate it. I had my lunch. Your blood has to be the consistency of a custard. I eat what I eat. Tapioca.

What did you eat, Titus, after mostly sports? I had a salad, sweet green salad. That's good. It is fun. Our orders usually come at the exact same time, and it's always like a salad next to a big old bag of Chick-fil-A. And that's the life that you usually lead. Brandon, if I poked you with a needle,

I think I could like squeeze the blood out. Yeah, it would be like popping a stick. Yeah, it would be like flying all over the place. No, man, our blood is liquid. Oh, I see, yeah. How clogged do you think your arteries are? It's got to be like a coffee stirrer. I did wake up at like 1 a.m. last night,

and I'm thinking I might have a heart attack tonight. What? But I didn't. That's good. Yeah, I made it through the night. And thank God you made a lifestyle change today. I'll order from a heart attack tonight. What? But I didn't. That's good. Yeah, I made it through the night. And thank God you made a lifestyle change today. I'll order from a different chicken place. I like southern food.

Feed might be the fattest word in the English language. Yeah. I'm going to feed right now. Are you still on the Chick-fil-A? Yeah, I take a break every now and then. Dude, I had Chick-fil-A a couple weeks ago. Worst diarrhea of my life. Oh.

Chick-fil-A? There he is. There he is. There he is. He's bad. No, this was a bad one. Of your life. For the first time since I've lived in my apartment, I had to open up the bathroom window to air it out. That's the first time?

It was the smelliest shit. I thought the neighbors were going to start knocking on the door. Set off a fire alarm? Yeah. And for context, something has died in Sass's apartment before he moved in. There's like a stench of death in there. And so for shit to overpower that has to be the stinkiest shit. Man.

No hyperbole. Was your own stench too much for you? It was too much for myself. Were you mad at yourself? Yeah. Dude, because you know you leave, you get adjusted to the smell. And then I went back in and I was like was dude. I because I went you know you leave you get adjusted to the smell And then I went back in and I was like oh Oh my god

Like dude 45 minutes That's a worst with the window else like yeah, oh dude. It smelled like burnt rubber Do y'all like how your own nuts smell no no no sometimes? I acknowledge that it's better than the average dude's, but it's still not. I would imagine. But it ain't great. My nuts smell nasty. And you can't get them clean. Of course, of course.

You can't get them clean. Yes, you can. No, you can. Easily. clean of course you can't get them clean yes you can no you can easily dude the the the landing strip between my nuts and my asshole is impossible to get clean i scrub it you have a dirty tank like i scrub it down with like dialed dish soap and it still smells like a bird in an oil spill literally i i try throwing fucking laundry detergent on it. You got to power wash that. I do.

I power. I take, when I'm at hotels, I take the thing off, and I put it right at my gooch for like five minutes. And then I wipe after, and it's still like shit. Is that what gold bond is for? You like powder up? Yeah. Gold bond is, yeah, for summertime.

You do it, and it like keeps it a little dry. Yeah. It's also- What a product. Yeah, it is. It's also great when you see old dudes doing the gold bond fully naked in a locker room. Oh, yeah. They're just, yeah.

How to warm themselves up. You ever take a gold bond slip? What? Because when you get that shit on the floor, the floor is full of stuff. Oh, yes. Yeah. It's like very fine dust. Like fresh snowfall.

Nothing worse than gold bonding your ass and then falling down. What is this? What has happened? This is a relatable thing. Dude, if you gold bond, it gets all over the place. It does make it very slippery. And it gets so slippery. It gets what slippery?

The floor. The floor. And then you fall over in a cloud of gold bond. You trip. This is a thing you've done multiple times. It's happened to me. I haven't put gold bond on it since I was young, but when I did when I was young, I would fall.

How were you putting it on when you were young? Because I had a smelly ass. And then I got to a point where I was like, yeah, my ass smells. I'm tired of falling. Yeah, exactly. Is your ass, it's just a natural smell? It's not poop?

No, it's obviously poop. It's dirty. There's shit on the sweat constantly on my gooch you gotta talk to steven chay about how to clean your ass bro no no lost we did a wipe off what we got a sponsored wipe off a couple weeks ago and chay lost he had just shit it was an actual turd just in there i thought i was getting pranked that he like it looked like a burrito burrito. Nick had to do a sketch of it. I'd be in there and I was like really into it.

Then I realized what I was doing. Very fucked up. But yeah, he's, he's no longer, he can't claim that he has a clean ass. Damn. So maybe Sass is going through the same thing as, as a. No, most of my shit is towards the crevice above the asshole. On the top of your crack? Yeah.

That's, that travel. You gotta do a, you to do a swipe down. Are you shitting like, are you a sloth? Are you shitting upside down? No, he's swiping up. Swiping up. So you got problems from your balls

all the way to the top of your asshole. It's a danger zone. That's just all of it. Yeah, it's just like a brown crescent. Yeah. Are you spreading, are you spreading your ass cheek when you wipe your ass?

Yeah. Are you wiping with your ass closed? Totally spreading it. So it's just that it cracks. Everything. Do you like tw cheek when you wipe your ass or are you wiping with your ass closed? Totally spreading it. So it's just that it cracks on us. Everything. Do you like twerk before you wipe? What's getting it everywhere? A diarrhea constant.

Okay. I've told you guys that when I wipe my ass, I have to wet my lower back. Yeah. So you're like your ass from the balls to the top of the crack. You're like. If I went to the bathroom right now and i wiped my gooch to the ass it would come out it would be like a full shit and there would be shit in there from like two weeks ago yeah the whole thing is like a terror heat map where they're like you know don't

fly to these countries in the middle east it's just all red the whole thing is the fucking gaza strip yeah and there's like one little thing like oh you can go to oman if you wipe sass's gooch like you could find like snack wraps those have been off the market for seven years yeah you're you're basically yeah like when you cut a tree and you can see how old it is yeah yeah like two months ago it's legitimately what it's like. What is that? What's the aging they do for fossils and stuff?

Yeah, carbon dating. Carbon dating. Yeah, we can carbon date your ass. Dude, and I thought it was drinking, but I quit drinking. I don't know if you guys know this. 18 or 20 days probably now. Wow. Yeah, whatever.

Not a big deal. And my stomach is in worse condition than it's ever been. I thought I was certain that it was like drinking 20 Bud Lights a night was the problem. No, I was over his apartment two days ago, and he had a grocery bag full of the most disgusting snacks that I'd ever seen in my life. I feel like every time you stop drinking, the exact same thing happens. You're like, these are my problems. It's all because of drinking.

And then you stop drinking, and your problems get worse. It it is i because i i'm you play video games i stay up later yes i'm not sleeping and i'm not moving because i realized i would even when you drink i'm still clocking like 10 000 steps because i'm just mobile the whole time and now i just don't move like it's like friday to sunday i move i get like 300 steps a day jesus jesus dude yeah it's not good. But even on the road. Yeah, I mean, that doesn't help. We don't move on the road.

Yeah, you're just mounted in your bed. Speaking of which, Mook, winner. Winner. Yeah. Mook and I talked about it. Huge. Well done, Mook. Thank you.

Mook. There's $1,500 cash. Thank you, daddy. $1,500 cash. Mook and I talked about it. We're going to do $1,500 cash, and then we're going to cook something up on Sunday. Oh, my God. For the other 1,000.

Great job. The no TD parlay saved us at the end. That was a good call. I can't believe Tyreek didn't score. No, yeah. I can't believe. No. I mean, Tommy DeVito was so close.

Mook, I misread your text about what your bet was, so I actually took all of those guys to score. Oh, well, that was part of it. That was part of it. At the last second yesterday, I was like, what if none of these guys score? So I did a reverse. Oh, okay.

No TD for all five of them that paid out five grand. So we split that. How much was Tyreek to not score? It was like... What were the odds on that? I think it was like plus 105 or something. But everyone else was like Tua and Tommy DeVito to not score was like minus 900.

Yeah, yeah. But, yeah, you did it, Mook. Dude, that's – last night was fun. Yeah. It was – And then we could do it again on Sunday. We could cook something up real nice. I'm down to cook up something fat.

I was actually thinking about it. I think that you need – the only request I have is that you need to cook it up on Son of a Boy Dad with KB. And so everyone's got to go listen and figure out who's there. Anus. Damn. All right. Anus.

Sorry. I was thinking Son of a Boy Dad. No, no. Fuck it. Anus. I'm cool with that. KB will come up with it. Okay.

Everyone's got to go watch Anus and see what the $1,000 parlay. Maybe we'll do like one pick on Anus and one pick on Son of a Boy Dad. That'll work. Like Pokemon. I like that. Yeah, you build the parlay by listening. It's not like Pokemon really, but you build the parlay. I guess it would kind of be like building the Inspector Gadget toy from McDonald's.

That's what I meant. Yeah, perfect. I was just thinking about that. Christian McCaffrey. Love it. Christian Kirk. Love it. He's on IR.

Yeah. It's going to be hard to win this. Great odds on IR. It's going to be hard to win this. Great odds on that. Just the two of them? Just two Christians? And James Connor. Okay. Yeah, how about that?

You have two Christians and a James. What's the joke? Two Christians and a Connor. That's my household. Like you and your parents. What's the joke? Two Christians and a Connor. Okay. That's my household. Like you and your parents. Yep. There we go.

Shout out mom and dad. Yeah. Hell yeah. Yeah. You're off and running. 1,500. I didn't want to. Kyle Pitts.

I did say right away. I was like, let's put it all on something else. I know. You need to get some cash. Part of me kind of wants to give you like 500. No, you need to get some cash. You need to get some cash. Yeah, I do.

We'll come up with something fun. Okay. KB's brain will come up with something. Yeah, what did you have with Kyle Pitts? I think he just had a kid. Jalen Hurts. Like my lymphoma scare. Kyle Pitts Hurts.

There we go. Oh, I forgot. We're cooking now. We thought you had cancer for like four months. Yeah, and Sass had like a little cold during that time. My mom thought I had a brain tumor. She did. It literally was the office when Kevin had cancer scare.

Michael Scott was like, what about me? We were like very genuinely nervous about Kyle having to to go to the doctor yeah it was pretty bad well it's not as bad as the time my mom said this i was a different man back then things have changed yeah in one way tell us what how has he changed he just doesn't drink but like he's like the the snacks that i found in his apartment fucking, it was like if we had bought snacks for this entire office and it was all for him. It was like flaming hot Cheetos in a flavor that I'd never seen before. A duffel bag size fucking like Chips Ahoy bag. Like fucking gold.

Like what else was in there? It was just like, I'd never, I didn't even get to the bottom of the bag. Spaghetti gummies. What? They're fire. They are good. Are these snacks meal replacement? Spaghetti gummies what they're fire they are good are these snacks replacement or spaghetti no these are just because i i like to snack okay i had you're

eating this for dinner did you walk me through spaghetti gummies spaghetti gummies it's like gummies but there's this in spaghetti shape ah that that that gummy worms i feel like that whenever they do that it's like the grossest. No, they're amazing. Yeah. It's crack. It's like Airhead Extremes, but they're like thinner. Oh, I know what you're talking about. That's gamer fuel. And then I think there was Airhead Extremes in there as well. And then there was spicy hot cinnamon Cheetos popcorn.

Yeah, I was like, what the fuck? Dude, that's like a Mexican girl in detention. And you're surprised that you have diarrhea well it's because I've recently been on GoPuff and they have some interesting snacks on there you should start doing like Instagram videos the guys who are like I'm gonna do a cold tub everyday for a year

you should just be like alright today we're gonna eat spaghetti strings every single day this is how we change you're GoPuffing these you're not even walking you just be like, all right, today we're going to eat spaghetti strings every single day. This is how we change. You're goat puffing these? You're not even walking downstairs? Hell no. He's in Bodega Alley.

There's like 15 bodegas surrounding him, and they all have incredible selections. Are you a hermit? Yeah. Maybe. Do you go to the office at all? Well, now you don't have to because you're recording at home. Rowan goes, I'm too busy in the lab. Yeah, that's true.

I'm editing, producing. I wasn't accusing him. Yeah. He's exploding his computer. He's working so hard. Yeah, building pipe bombs. Yeah, that was worrisome. What was that kid who built the watch? The clock. The clock. Ahmed? bombs. Yeah, that was worrisome. What was that kid who built the watch? The clock.

The clock. Ahmed? No. Cool clock, Ahmed. Come bring it to the White House. Yeah, he got to go to the White House. That was the best story ever. What was the story?

He got expelled. Yeah, it was like a kid. It was, I think, like an Indian or Muslim kid in Texas who built a clock for a science experiment. The whole school thought he built a box. And he got kicked out of school. He got kicked out of school. Then Obama invited him to the White House. Can you find it, TJ?

I think I got most of that right. It was such a funny story. That's exactly what happened. And then Obama was like, we love your clock. What a great clock on that. Way to go, buddy. Was there a video to this or just a picture? It was a tweet.

I think it was a tweet, but there was also the story, yeah, was made national news. He just built a fucking clock and everyone's like, bomb. There he is. Ahmed Mohamed. Ahmed Mohamed clock incident. 14-year-old Ahmed Mohamed was arrested at MacArthur High School in Irving, Texas for bringing a disassembled digital clock to school.

The incident incited allegations of racial profiling and Islamophobia. Yeah, so he just brought a clock, and they were like, bomb. What year was this? Or did he disassemble one? English teacher thought the device resembled a bomb, confiscated it, and reported him to the principal. The local police were called, and they questioned him for an hour and a half. He was handcuffed.

What? I mean, September 14th. That's a little close. Yeah, yeah. But put yourself in the teacher's shoes. half he was handcuffed i mean what september 14th that's a little it's a little close yeah yeah dude but put yourself in the teacher's shoes he may purposely cause if someone brings that in and it was a bomb you're gonna true you got to take some type of precaution can we pay him 15 mil holy fuck yeah damn ahmed that's a 15 million dollar clock he built god damn why did he bring the did you see what happened to the clock fucking blew up

malfunction yeah oh okay quite on them now wait a second it's in a briefcase yeah the briefcase i think is what he had a different version you could attach to a vest yeah but then he went to the white house and he opened the door and he threw it into the classroom i mean yeah i guess it makes sense if it's a claw like don't most bombs have clocks on them yeah and i think the briefcase you show it again the briefcase is what makes it a little... What's a clock about it?

Yeah, I don't see any time. I mean, that's crazy. That is crazy. They handcuffed a 14-year-old. Obama thought that was a cool clock? Especially if he was like, dude, it's a clock. Wait, so is the picture of him handcuffed the same picture as him smiling in his Wikipedia page? Because he has that same NASA shirt on in both of them judging by uh assuming thinking about the kind of person who

builds a clock and then brings it into school I'm assuming he probably doesn't change his clothes that's a one shirt man he's got the fucking spongebob takes one to no one bro that's the funniest way to get really rich. What? Building a clock that people... Yeah, yeah, yeah. 15 mil. Was there even an assignment, or did he just do this? I think that might have been the problem. I think he just showed up.

It was suspicious as hell. Was it a good clock? Was it working? I can't imagine a clock is that complicated to make, right? No, he took a clock apart. Sundials have been around forever. Why does his clock look like fucking that? Yeah, his only counts down.

Oh, here it is. Here's a sweet cool clock on it. Want to bring it to the White House? We should inspire more kids like you, kids like you to like science. It's what makes America great. More kids like who? Want to bring it to the White House?

Want to bring it? Yeah. They're not letting that in the fucking door. Yeah, I know. And he stole Trump's shit. Yeah. Well, no, that was before Trump. Yeah.

Oh, shit. Then the other way. What happened? What other way? Oh, what makes America great. Wow. Oh. Cool clocks.

Bombs. That is what makes us great. Yeah. Cool clocks. That is what makes England great. That's true. Yeah. I mean, that thing was pretty much the size of the Big Ben.

Is England great? Big Ben, I mean. I don't know what happened with my algorithm, but I saw a tweet this morning that was just a bunch of hot chicks walking around in Manchester at night. And they're like, what has happened to the English empire? Yeah, I saw that this morning. I was like, what? It's just a bunch of hot chicks walking to bars.

Yeah. One of them was like adjusting her top. Yeah. Yeah. What happened to this once proud country? Fuck, there's hot girls here. Yeah. Who invited all the hot chicks?

Was it the British style of makeup that they were doing maybe? No, I think it was just major incel behavior where it's like, how are these women dressed like this? Fatherless behavior. That's what we call that. What is it? That's what they say. They say they call it fatherless behavior. Where are these ladies' dads?

I would watch it. I'm not scared to watch these girls adjusting their tops. Neither. Why did TJ? Maybe if you search what happened to the English Empire, maybe? Yeah, it's been going around a while. Yeah. Yeah.

It'll probably come up. They're all wearing short-ass skirts. It's that one dude. Plus he's hanging out. Ian Miles Chung or something. Yeah. He doesn't even live in America. Singaporean.

And he's just like, all he does is tweet about how bad America's gotten. He's the king of the incels. Yeah, and it's like, dude, you don't even live here. His name is Ian Miles Chung. Yeah. And he's the king of the incels. Yeah, and it's like, dude, you don't even live here. His name is Ian Miles Chong. Yeah. And he's also just straight up racist. Yeah, and he just tweets

like bad videos or like videos that are just like look at what America, like a guy getting mugged or like a guy stealing something in San Francisco.

Oh, yeah. It's like, what happened to this proud city? It's like, you don't live here. It's crazy. I don't even know if he's ever been to America. It's easy to hate from afar. Yeah, he just found the algorithm that it just plays.

Yeah, Twitter, opening up Twitter is a gamble every single time. It really is. I was in a coffee shop this morning, and I just saw a machete attack, and they just took this guy's arm and leg and ran away. Yeah. Rowan, you tweeted about it yesterday. I can't stop seeing deaths. Yeah.

Like factory deaths now. Yeah. Oh, I saw that. It wasn I can't stop seeing deaths. Yeah. Like factory deaths now. Yeah. Oh, I saw that. Like I've done nothing to, it wasn't one. It's every single time. People are like, that's your algorithm. That's probably because you want that. It's like, dude, I've done nothing to.

I mute it every time. I've blocked all those. It's still finding others. Yeah. Yeah. It's factory deaths and ice spice shaking ass. Yeah. Yeah, I got a lot of ice spice on my timeline.

Or no, I got ice spice without makeup. Yeah, I got that too. We got the same algo. Oh. My timeline is all that fucking, what is his name? Dove, Don, Kleiman. Yeah. I fucking love that guy.

The robot. Oh. He is the worst. I have just a bunch of like cartel deaths and then like small conference college basketball picks. Damn. Y'all talking about Twitter right now? Well, yeah.

I have alerts on for Jeff and they do. Oh, okay. Yeah. But he'll give you the cartel desk. Just give us cartel desk the middle of the day. Check this out. And then he'll be like, I like Lipscomb plus three. I got a butter recipe for him.

Big Jeff Nadeau. Sometimes I will watch the drive-bys to completion. Yeah. Well, once you start. Yeah. So maybe that's why. It scares me. Yeah.

It's a weird world out there. Titus, you don't have any of this? No, I don't see any of this. I have no idea what you guys are talking about. What's your I'll go feeding you? I've been getting a lot of ASMR stuff on Instagram. Oh. I don't really know why.

Sexual ASMR? All ASMR, I think, is a little sexual. It's like slime stuff on Instagram. I don't really know why. Sexual ASMR? All ASMR I think is a little sexual. It's like slime stuff. I have no idea why I don't click on it. I don't know. I kind of like the slime. You like slime, Kyle? I like it, yeah.

Do you fall asleep to slime? Not to sleep. When do you listen to slime? I enjoy watching the video. I'm scooping the sab i like yeah for young thug yeah spiders just whipping around he is going way too fast gonna put an eye out says is your first time being here yeah we also i don't know why it's so dark the lights broke out there are the lights the lights broke out there are the lights too bright in here today are they brighter

for anybody else like you just notice it more because it's dark outside. Yeah. Is it dark in here? Stephan, can you have them open up the shades? That would be nice. Yeah, thank you. I think we can do it. Are they broken or are they just off? I've heard broken. Are they?

We turned them off on purpose because we're starting the stage tomorrow night. Oh, okay. Yeah. Oh. Oh, they're getting ready for surviving barstool. Oh, it's going to be explosive. That's cool. Yeah. Oh. Oh, they're getting ready for Surviving Barstool. Oh, it's going to be explosive. Oh, that's here. That's cool. Yeah.

Oh. So how does it work for tomorrow night? Oh, look at that. Oh, Jesus. Mook disappeared. We don't know who won, so it's no spoilers. Whoever's in the finals, they'll reveal who won, and then there's the live after show. And are they, so the voting is done?

Yes. Okay, so nothing can change? Correct. I almost wish that the voting could be – Yeah, I thought the voting was taking place tomorrow. Because, like, after seeing everything and being removed from the direct emotion of the show, I feel like – do you think you would have voted differently, or you're pretty locked in on who you would have voted for?

No spoilers. I would have voted the same way uh i i would have i would have voted the same way interesting yeah how much have you guys been talking about the show like can we talk about what happened yesterday uh we not do we can't i we have not been we've been trying not to do it because we just know that spoilers happen and so we don't want people to spend ten dollars and then just be spoiled and people are waiting for the free version too, right? Right. And I just, it's, I feel like some people want to talk about it, but it also.

Stephen Chay just had an all time low. We accidentally always end up spoiling something by just slipping up. But yeah, Stephen Chay crying. We already said that he cried. Support it fully. KB shot me a nice text after. I think you're a good dude, a great friend. I think everyone was emotionally invested.

You let it show, and I think you care about those dudes, and I think they were just as emotionally invested as you. Thank you. Still kind of embarrassed. It was a tough scene because, I mean, I guess I have to talk about it a little bit. What was – Are you going gonna cry again no no but what led up to that like pft essentially said that he would you know sacrifice himself

for jerry and myself and it came down to a spot where that was going to need to happen and i needed to be the one to do it because Jerry is – I knew he wouldn't flip, and then I know Will didn't understand the rules. Doesn't explain why you cried. I mean, it was emotional. I'm walking to the voting booth, and he's saying, like, vote me out. Like, vote me out. And so I didn't want to do that, but I knew he would have been more upset

had I not, and then, you know, one of us would have gone home at that point. He's like Wesley Snipes in New Jack City, crying as he's pulling the trigger, which I only know from the media. Yeah. Yeah, that shit's awesome. I was trying to count who has cried at Barstool on camera. Most famously, Riggs.

Yeah. Jeff D. Lowe after the first dunk. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Michigan Man. Oh, yeah, yeah. Michigan Man. Oh, yeah, yeah. Michigan Man's an all-time cry guy. I was trying to think if I squirted one when my mom died. Brandon, are you?

He was an idol guy. I'm not crying, no. But your voice is cracked like you're going to cry. Max. I've gotten very close. He has a crying face. Yeah. When the Eagles are doing poorly, he has like a – you can just see it in his eyes.

He wants to cry but he isn't gonna cry yeah that's incredible uh chief what did he cry i don't know jerry jerry's cried i think smokes cried after i pied him smokes tried i think last night yeah he dave portnoy he cried he has like a still photo of him crying or no every yeah oh yeah he had a little tears in his eyes that's right that's right everyone's like he's bro crying okay you might have to cry just to i got a little choked up when we did the barstool uh 20th anniversary oh yeah yeah that's true yeah oh yeah you did cry a little choked i remember that i'm living my dream branding you

pussy branding you when you come close to crying though it's like when a little kid is so furious that they just don't know how to contain themselves. Right. Yeah. After the case race, it reminds me of when my mom would be like, I'm not allowed to sleep over at one of my friend's houses when I was a child. You're like, you're ruining my life. Yeah. And I'd be like, ah! Red in the face.

I hate you! No, I've gotten close to crying a lot. But it's all anger? It's never sadness? It's usually anger, yeah. I don't, I've gotten close to crying a lot. But it's all anger. It's never sadness. It's usually anger, yeah. I don't think I've sad cried. You almost cried when you moved to Chicago, when Che was singing his song. I was doing that for effect.

But that's still crying. You did get choked up. I don't know if you have the chops to be crying. I got the chops. I got the chops. You got choked up. You did. What was the song that Che sang?

It was like, you made more work for everyone. Look What You've Done by Jet. Oh, look what you've done. Brandon loves Jet. You made more work for everyone. Cry, bitch. Do it. KB's too emotionally detached to cry on camera ever.

On camera? Case in point. I don't know. it maybe he's too emotionally detached to cry on camera ever on camera the right topic was brought up titus what'd you almost cry for on mostly sports the other day oh the pacers were on the verge of winning the in-season tournament oh yeah and that's something i've dreamed about my whole life growing up in indiana one year that exists What's mostly sports? We'll talk off air Okay Last time I cried was when I watched Interstellar You cried at Interstellar? Were you on a plane?

No That song, that fucking Hans Zimmer song is sick Cornfields or whatever it's called It brings out the emotions You can put that on anything It's like the social network song. Mook, when was the last time you cried? I'm thinking right now.

I can't think of the last time I cried. I think over COVID maybe. Gay? Yeah. I don't have, I can't, mine's further back than that. Mook was crying because his mom wouldn't let him get the vaccine. Mama, please. vaccine my dad was holding a gun to my face you will not get jabbed mom everyone else is getting it i feel like i've probably come close to crying on the yak, like, early days. Yeah, when you got voted.

Oh, yeah, that was really close. I probably almost cried when that happened. But that was also more of an anger point. Yeah. I hate when that gets brought up. I know. That was really mean. You inwardly smolder, though. You're never, like, wearing it on your sleeve.

I think I was more just really mad. Yeah. And then I think when the stripper sexually abused me. Yeah. I'm glad I wasn't here for that. But I wasn't mad at the stripper. You almost cried out of your dick that day. She was doing her job.

Yeah, she was just fucking me. I was mad at the Yak fans. Yeah, calling you a pussy. For not wanting to get fucked. Yeah, be like, why didn't you fuck her, dude? Yeah, why didn't you fuck her on camera? Get sass off the yak. You wouldn't fuck her.

You wouldn't fuck her for me. He's not down for anything. Fuck this girl for me. Oh, man. Oh, that was not fake. No, that's real. That's real. That's real.

That's real cats. I was putting it on for the camera. You ran your hand through your hair. That's real. That's a real guess. I was putting it on for the camera. You ran your hand through your hair? Like a baby. I run my hand through my hair constantly. Nobody has those chops. That's good acting. Can we play it again?

I was tired. We'd been moving. I also hated how you said you were moving. It was just like an episode. Jesus Christ. Brandon. That wasn't a stop. You could tell you did that breathe in where you're Christ. Brandon. That wasn't a sad one. Brandon.

You could tell you did that like breathe in where you're like. Yeah. You told yourself you wouldn't cry. I don't even remember that. Show just means so much to

me. That wasn't sadness. That was your you were happy that you get to take three months off. Yeah. And fish. That was quite the

summer. That's why you're crying. You're just picturing yourself out on the boat on the pond i don't have to see any of you motherfucker for three months you fishing a lot still uh not right now because i've already put the boat up for the for the winter i covered it up i winterized it and what you covered up with a cover an umbrella a dog bed? I bought a tarp, a 16 by 20 tarp.

What did you do with the rest of it? I folded it up. Yeah, it's wrapped up. You wrapped it like a burrito. Sass, I think we're going to do a fishing competition in the summer. Really? A fishing competition. I would definitely be. You would come in dead last year.

Caught a fish. I caught two fish in Massachusetts over Thanksgiving. Little guys. Doesn't matter the size of the fish, brother. Yeah, it does. In fishing competition. It's the con number one thing that matters. Yeah, it really is.

That's all that matters. Well, what if one person catches like a 10-pound fish and I just catch like 20 small fish? You're going to lose. You're probably going to lose. That sucks. Well, maybe there's two different categories. Most fish caught and then biggest fish caught. Where are you guys going to do it?

At Brandon's house? Yeah. Hmm. What was that noise? I'm more of a river guy. We can find a river. Are you? Yeah.

He's a fly fishing guy. Well, the Fox River is right by my house. All right. I'll hit the Fox. You guys hit the lake? The pond? You're fucked. They got weights in the fish.

Fish fillet. That video is unbelievably funny. I just rewatched that recently. Cheaters. We got weights in fish. Sass, I asked you to fish on camera two days ago. He said no? Yeah.

He just said no. Huh? That is true. Why. He said no? Yeah. He just said no. Huh? That is true. Why would you say no? He's like, someone else has done that before. He's like, that's an unoriginal idea.

He's like, who does a fishing show, a podcast while fishing? David Lucas? Yeah. Is it funny? I think. Yeah, I don't know.

It does pretty well. Oh, Roan, how's puppy life? You're back in the game. Dude, it's good. I have cuts all over my hand. It was pretty well. Oh, Roan, how's puppy life? You're back in the game. Dude, it's good. I have cuts all over my hand. It looks like I'm fucking have a problematic lifestyle. It looks like I'm a cutter, but it's fucking sick.

Has it been on you? What's his name? Her? Josie. Her. It's a girl dog. But I got back at fucking 2.40 last night from recording with Pat Bev, drove back from Philly, uh this dog

just woke me up at 5 a.m crying in the crate and i had to get up at 6 30 for this flight i just laid there the entire time almost fucking it did the dog go back to sleep after you let it out of the crate no i'd fucking took it out i had to take it outside to shit it was still dark outside i didn't have my contact lenses on it shit in the. I was on all fours trying to find the shit as the dog tried to jump into the shit. It's awesome, man. You guys got to get a puppy. It's fucking sweet. Cute ass puppy.

Yeah, Josie. I should have flown out with it. How big is she going to get? I have no idea. She's a rescue. She's got small paws. But they say small paws don't necessarily mean small dog. Big paws mean big dog, but small don't mean small.

Oh. What would you want? Big, medium? How many pounds? I'll take whatever I can get, honestly. But I guess medium. But if it's big, I'm not going to be like, fuck this dog. I roughhoused with her.

Yeah, KB and Nick were rolling on the floor with her when we filmed game night last week. That was the energy. It was awesome. They were being very playful. I've never seen them so playful, honestly. Yeah, that's what gets me. Honestly, I thought you were about to cry then.

That was the closest I've ever seen you. Yeah, I cry a lot. I'd never see it. Sorry. I'm not going to do it in front of you. Why? I'm not going to take advantage of you. I think there's an innate vulnerability

That makes you uncomfortable You don't want to cry around your dudes? No Damn I like to yell at weddings I like to yell You told yourself you wouldn't cry dad When the father of the bride is like tearing up

Oh yeah Usually gets a good laugh That is good That's damn good Keep it together dad It kind of like Grosses me out when dudes cry when like wedding cry like i don't i don't know you guys that well

yeah they're not crying for you something about it just makes me cringe they're not doing it for you though you think they're doing it for you they're doing it for the audience and i'm not about this i don't know the the inner work. Brandon, did you cry when your wife turned to walk down the aisle? No, I didn't. I thought maybe I should try to, but I couldn't. Did you at least mouth wow to yourself? That's mine. I think I

did that. That's mine. Something similar. Oh my god. Oh my god. You've done it again, Brandon. I love those videos of the The bride coming out to like a fucking Meek Mill Song yeah I'm thinking we might be Thinking of the same black wedding where the guy Oh no these are all white the white ones

Are the best because people just destroy them In the comments yeah or like If the bride has like a Choreographed dance Yeah That was so hard to watch Or like if the bride has like a choreographed dance. Usually one that Ken Jack hosts. Ken Jack. Yeah.

That was so hard to watch. Really? I just thought it was kind of hot. That was horrifying. I thought it was fun. I just didn't think it was like bad at all. Oh, no. If that happened at a wedding that I was at, I'd have to leave.

I wouldn't be able to stay. I don't know what it is. It's the bride. I need to find it, TJ. It's the Ken Jack tweet. It's the bride's day. They did a dance. Her day. She wanted to. It's clear she wanted to be like, TJ. It's the bride's day. It's her day.

She wanted to be like a dancer. Dude, did she dance to Meek Mill? KB. The bride and the bridesmaids. I would hate it. It would be like if you were just sitting there and 30 girls were around you, like stripping on you. No, but they didn't dance on anybody. They had like a choreographed dance in front of your whole family.

Think about it. It's like she's not a real dancer. She's never going to have an audience. She's not a real dancer. She's never going to have an audience. Like, hey, I have one day that I can just do my fantasy. I don't think I would have cared as much if not for making the groom sit there and watch. The groom just looked like he wanted to pull his phone out. He just looked like he wanted to like, I got to see. I just want to.

The groom is sitting in a wooden chair with perfect posture. I can't visualize this video at all. Yeah, we got to play it. It would have been funny if the groom was like took out like a basketball hoop and was like, everyone, you know, boo me while I try to hit two free throws. I got a captive audience. Like, this is my

dream. Exactly. Give me the pressure. See, my boy's about to go cry. Oh, yes. His ass is huge. Where do you guys keep the waters at? Oh, back there? Yeah, those are huge.

You see all five of the body armor fridges? They're in there. I thought this was kind of hot. I'm with Rome. This is hot so far. Oh, my God. Oh, no. This is brutal.

This is brutal, dude. I can't even watch it now. She wanted to be the star of her life. Wait, but look at all the other women. They're making the... How many women is it? Look at the groom just sitting there. He's like...

This is horrible. It's like he's tired of the cold. He wants to check his watch so badly. I don't know. It's her day. She spent all the money. Oh god. They dropped it.

It's like the worst thing I've ever seen. This is insane. Holy shit. Dude, being the groom is one thing, but imagine just being at that wedding too. Yeah. You gotta sit there and be like, this is great. Or just think of the new boyfriend of

one of those chicks dancing. What the fuck? You've been dating for like a month. It does suck to have to be one of the girls in the back because you know that choice was made specifically for you. Yeah, 100%. But it could be like maybe they're too hot. Oh, yeah.

And the bride is like, I don't want you taking the room. Oh, they should switch. Yeah, they're all like trying to seduce this. That's what I'm saying. Like, it's so awkward. It looks like he's's tied to that post. But these aren't sexy moves even. He's not turned his head.

He's only looked at his wife. In their mind, these are sexy moves. The most perfect posture anyone has ever had. And then they gotta go on their honeymoon after, and you know it's just lingering in his head the whole time. Like, what the fuck was that? She's like, in the morning, he just hears this song. She's re-watching her video.

There is zero chance he's into this. And then he's probably like, well, at least no one will ever see it. And then he finds out that there was six alternate camera angles all recorded in 4K. Oh, they multi-camera shit? He's sitting there. He's like, sneak out of his phone. He's like, at least I can watch the yak. Oh, no.

Oh, fuck. KB, you got to watch it. Did you just watch it? Yeah. Why wouldn't you wait? It seems like this. You won't be able to see this. There it is.

This is your song too, KB. Oh, this is your song too, KB. Oh, my God. Oh, this is Bishop Briggs, like a river. Yeah, that's your song. Yeah, I love this. See? All right. I would sing along.

That's three. That's three of us. We just need to flip one more guy. Yeah. I'm out after that move. I'm very out. There's nothing really sexual. It's like Mormon sexual.

They smacked their butt. That was like a hip smack. I think it's worse that it's not sexual. What are we doing? What is the point of this? What are we trying to accomplish? Look at the woman on her left at the beginning. It is a sexual look she gives the husband.

Not the wife. The one to her left at the beginning. It is a sexual look she gives the husband. Not the wife. The one to her left. Right? Her. Yeah, I know what you're talking about. Where is it? It's coming up. Is it coming up?

The blonde one or her? Oh. That was like, fuck my ass now. Fuck my ass. And she's being literal. She wants him to fuck her ass. Yeah, not her pussy, her ass right now. I think the only thing you could blame,

I mean, taking videos of it and then having it go viral probably sucks. Yeah, it's a good thing we're not doing anything to it. You're right, that move is what really kills it. Oh my God. Yeah, I mean, it sucks, yeah. It sucks, but it's also like, they're just living their life. I didn't hate it as much as I thought I would. Why don't you just keep the glasses on?

You look good in them. You can't wear glasses with a backwards hat. I do every single day. You never wear a backwards hat. At the beginning of the show I was. You're DJ Professor. Something like that. Just a name where it's like

a smart guy Yes, work. I was cool with it All right, I guess like you're not like those other smart guys. Yeah, the door your hat backwards Can you also stand up and spin around? 360 so we can see how your ass looks in those jeans cuz oh my Look do the dance the bridge Drop it. Drop it for us.

Or you should just see it yourself on the camera, just because I feel like you'd be really proud of your jeans. I look at it every day. Not in your jeans. I can see it from my shower. You can see it from the front. And I look at it when I do my air squats, and it looks fine. Yeah, it looks good.

If it belonged to a woman, would it be? I have gotten off like a hybrid edible i've gotten somewhat turned on by my own yeah i just admitted that you should come in in uh in like yoga pants one day just let us get it doesn't work i tried that really wait what? In college, I had a fat fucking ass, and my boys were like, let's try to trick the gymnasts and send this picture. Or let's try to... It was somebody.

They were sending a picture of my ass in yoga pants to try to convince them it was a girl, and it just didn't look like a girl. Yeah, but now I bet your ass is better than it even was in college. It's close, yeah. Yeah, because I bet it has more of a shape to it now than it did back when you were a young boy. Yeah, maybe.

Just judging off of what I've seen for pictures. Yeah, I don't know. Do you do air squats naked? In the cold shower. Yeah, we talked about this. Yeah, he's just naked doing cold squats. That's primal as hell. Yeah.

Are your balls not just like flying around cold shower? Oh, yeah. True. They're tight as hell. Yeah, they're fine. Interesting. You have to like keep yourself from looking at your own ass. Like is the temptation there?

Are you barking at your own? No, you look. You definitely look at your own ass on purpose. You don't have to keep yourself. Yeah at your own ass like is the temptation there are you barking at your own no you you look you definitely look at your own ass on purpose you don't have to keep yourself yeah i did i check it slapping your own ass work harder do you still do the cold showers i've been doing cold baths what do you have one all the better no i have a bathtub, and I freeze Ziploc bags full of water, and I throw them in there. That's ice? Yeah. But it's not like cubes of ice.

It's like two big blocks of ice. You make it and then dump it out of the Ziploc bag? No, I keep it in the Ziploc bag. Oh. And then just refreeze it. Oh. Man, the things it does to your balls in the cold bath, my sack is like prepubescent. I can't do that.

It's like the texture of a basketball. Oh, man. Yeah. That's the worst part for you? No, it's the best part. The hell is... There's no bad part of it, honestly. I fucking love it.

I don't know what they're making over there. Spider's doing the unforgivable pose. Knees on top of knees. Oh, yeah. Laying on the side. That's how Christian Kirk got out for the year. Can't lay. Smash his own balls.

Can't lay on your own knees. We got a yak challenge coming through there in a minute. Yeah, so we should do the high noon ad. I have to do one question with the quarterback at 1.30. You want to do the yak challenge at 1.45? So keep yakking for... Sure. Give people a full yak. Yeah. And Sass and Roan will...

How do you boys think you're going to do? I don't even know what it is. Oh. You're in for it. Sporting Challenge. I can't wait to see Sass. You'll be good. You have to throw a beanbag. That's what I'm most worried about. And kick a soccer goal. No, you should be most worried about the soccer. Malasek is a dickhead of a goal. Demon.

I'm not worried about that at all. Oh, most worried about the soccer. Malasek is a dickhead of a goal. Demon. Yeah. I'm not worried about that at all. Oh, that was famous last words. Yeah. Throw a football at a bottle. Whiffle ball as well. Hit a whiffle ball. Hit a whiffle ball home run. Show him the time.

That's what I'm worried about. All of these sound harder than the soccer. No. No, you haven't seen Malasek. I did. Soccer is the hardest. It's the only one where somebody's trying to stop you. And he's a bitch.

Home run with a wiffle ball? What if I just miss every time? All you got to do is hit it right over this. No, I'm worried about that, too. I think that's the one I'm worried about. And the cornhole. I think I'm going to get in my head right off the bat. Yes, we'll get in your head.

If Brandon has the third best time, you know it's easy as fuck. I have second best time. Brandon's a good athlete. Yeah. I have second best time. Okay, let's just average them. Let's see who has the best average time. No, but you didn't score a goal on your best time.

I did. You didn't. Listen, man. Oh, you can bail on certain things? No. No, he did. It was a missed call. We'll do sympathy bails every now and then.

Like, Stu Feiner had 16 straight air balls, so we let him shoot a layup. Oh, we also let Cam Newton get the football. Yeah, Cam Newton. Cam Newton couldn't throw a football, so we were like, why can't he throw a football? I don't know. Don't know. It was a point in time where we were were like, why can't he throw a football? I don't know. Don't know. It was a point in time where we were just like, all right, if he ever wants to play again, we probably should cut this.

So we just let him go to the next thing. He was not good. That's crazy. So you just have to throw 13 really fast air balls, and you'll be absolved. All right. That's more of a feel. I'm excited.

I'm excited to watch you what's the key is there any secrets uh the goal the goal is the biggest the the the soccer goal is the biggest thing time wise is it like a slow would you recommend a slow and steady pace or is it a lot of dainty mode yes so brandon's third place time he was like kind of like just conserving his energy in between dainty mode gay Yeah. A lot of gay hands. A lot of walking on your toes. Don't panic because no matter how bad you do, there's people that have done so poorly that it is almost impossible to lose to.

It's too fine. Just don't panic about the worst case. Camden. Delaney Walker. Will Thompson did really bad, so it's all football players that do really bad at this, huh? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Three of the six worst times. Will Thompson did really bad so it's all football players that do really bad at this huh? Will was the sporkle really tripped up Will

Wait there's a sporkle involved? What the fuck? There's a sporkle at the end Was Will the one who said it was named the 10 countries with the most islands and he said Hawaii? Yes Can you guys just tell me what it is? I feel like I just keep on figuring out extra steps.

All right, so the Sporkle part? No, the whole thing. All right, you start with a cornhole. You make a bag. You go score a soccer goal. You hit a wiffle home run. You throw the football and hit a bottle. Three-pointer, three-pointer, Sporkle.

Two three-pointers? Yeah. On opposite ends of the court. Dang. Does Chase still sprint? Is this a sprint right now? Big Cat, do you feel like you ruined the Yak Challenge by setting the bar as, like, I don't know if that's ever going to be

beat. I think it will be. You beat it? So you have the highest score? Yeah, I think it will be. I did create it. But, you did it. All the people in the top three have done it legitimately. Yeah, no, I think it will be beat. I think it will be beat. I think it'll be beat. I think I could do a 24-hour.

No, because you get – remember, I got a really lucky Sporkle that was like – you know when you get one of those, like, name 10 teams in the AL. You have first place by, like, 30 seconds. And for the Sporkle, you're allowed to mess up. Yeah, you just got to give 10 correct answers. I think somebody can get 115. Another twist is Zah that's typing these. Yeah. That's me.

Oh, what? We can detect what the fastest time would be by just attempting each one once. Yeah, that's true. We've debated this, though, before, haven't we? Yeah, but you could do a run-through where you just throw up a wiffle ball, hit it, and pretend that was a punt. Throw one football, shoot one shot. There's some people in this office who still wouldn't be able to beat your score.

That's probably true. Even if they maxed out everything they could do? Yeah. You could technically get to wiffle ball by, like, eight seconds. Yeah, if you score right away and cornhole right away, yeah. What's the longest it's ever taken for cornhole? Because I'll be honest, that's what I'm most nervous about. Nobody has gone through all the bags.

Nobody's ever gone through all the bags. Also, nobody's ever made their first bag. KB has the worst cornhole time. 31 seconds. 31 seconds. At cornhole? Yeah. Most people get around 10 to 15.

I'm nervous about cornhole. How many bags is it? I'm nervous as well. Don't worry about cornhole. All you got to do is wait one bag. I'm nervous about cornhole. How many bags is it? I'm nervous as well. Don't worry about cornhole. All you got to do is play one bag. I'm way more nervous. Cornhole should not be on your mind. You also don't have to hit it.

It doesn't have to be the one you throw in. You could put one on the board, then hit that one in. One has to go through. KB threw 13 bags. I feel like cornhole is really going to show off how uncoordinated I am. The whole thing will. My heart's heart. That's the whole point of the challenge is that you can't do it and look cool.

I'm going to look like a buffoon. And then you get, and then you sit down at the end and you have to just huff out like random, you know, answers. You're like, Harry Potter, Oakland A's. You might be out of breath for like an hour. Y'all aren't respecting how big of a piece of shit Malasek is. Yeah, no, you guys don't understand. I saw Malasek, dude.

I'm not worried about Malasek at all. You should be. You should be worried about Malasek. Because I know all the trick shots. Oh, really? In soccer? How many trick shots are there? Two.

Okay. What, to flip it over your head and make it land behind you? I'm going to do a bicycle kick. I think the trick with Malasek is kick the shit out of the ball. Just make sure you don't kick it over the... See, what if I decide it's good on the ground? Is there any rules with soccer? Your first three have to be from that green line,

and then you can just take it close. And what if I decide to use my hands? I was going to ask that. Can we touch him? Malasek? Probably. What if you pepper sprayed him? Well, there's only three balls.

What if you pepper sprayed him? Oh. Yes. Pick up one of the balls. Pick up one of the balls pick up one of the balls throw it at him as you're kicking the other one yeah i like i tried that i also just ran him over at one point it didn't really help it's a pretty small net as well that's not regulation is it for the yak challenge it is yeah okay i guess that makes sense are we having are we building a second net right now i think think so, which is awesome.

Indoor soccer? Yeah, we should do some indoor soccer. Seth, is this your first time being in this office? Yeah. Oh, do the High Noon. I haven't, haven't, but I'd love to because I love High Noon. The best part about High Noon right now is that the Game Day Pack is back. You guys know about this?

I didn't hear. What's the word? It's the game day pack. It's limited edition fan faves. The limited editions are pear and cranberry, but then it has the old classics, the old reliables, the black cherry and the grapefruit in it.

It was real vodka, real juice, 100 calories, gluten-free, zero added sugar. The high noon game Day Pack is back. It's a fall exclusive, which means it's here for a good time, but not a long time. You can visit highnoonspirits.com before your next tailgate to find a pack near you. Cranberry in the wintertime is different. That's what it's meant to be had.

I'm about to suck some cranberry tonight. Yeah, so we're going to do the Yak Christmas special tonight. Very excited. I'm excited to give my gift. You know who I hope gets it? Me. Ooh. How's it going to work?

I don't know. We'll probably fuck it up, and then Sass will probably end up getting fucked. Everyone's got to put their gift in the front. TJ will get them wrapped, and then we'll bring them in, and then we'll figure out what to do with them. Got it. I know what Roan's gift is, and I'll say worst case scenario for you would be if I got it. Oh.

Why? Because you can't fly back with it? It's tickets to a sass show. No, that would be. Yeah, spending $1,000 on tickets, I'd have to buy out two nights. Oh, would that piss you off? Uh, no.

Yeah. Because you'd get the $1,000. How are the shows going? What? How are your shows going? Terrible. What? My career is in the shows going? What? How are your shows going? Terrible. What? My career is in the shitter.

What do you mean? No, it's not. No, it's not. He's about to have the top of next year. He's going to the biggest. Honestly, people from here should be looking at that. Have you announced the Wisconsin dates? Yeah, but that's not for a while.

I thought it was like February. Do a comedy on state with Francis. In dates? Yeah, but that's not for a while. I thought it was like February. Do you know Comedy on State with Francis? In Madison? Yeah. Fuck yes. That place is one of the best clubs in the country. I don't know. Sometime in the spring.

Yeah, no, it's a great place. That's supposed to be the best club. I'll come see you. That and Comedy Works. Denver Comedy Works. We might have to drive up for that. Yeah. Yeah, or I was just in Chicago for eight shows.

I know that was during Surviving Barstool. I know. Yeah. Driving up to Wisconsin is crazy. Well, I mean, I went to Madison. I like going to Madison. True. That'll be fun.

You guys going to come down to Chicago after? Maybe. Yeah. Perhaps. Should. How far of a drive is it? Two and a half hours. Oh, it's not bad.

Yeah. Not bad at all. Not bad at all. Love that. Love that drive? Two and a half hours. Oh, it's not bad. Yeah. Not bad at all. Not bad at all. Love that. Love that drive. Madison's a great town. No, just like confidence-wise, St. Louis and Louisville were some hits. That sucked everything out of me.

Tough to end the year on those. How close are we to a special? Seven years. No. Every other comedian's putting out a special right now. On YouTube. Every other comedian that's been doing comedy for 15 years. No. Every other comedian's putting out a special right now. On YouTube. Every other comedian that's been doing comedy for 15 years. What about YouTube?

That doesn't change anything. Stavros was here yesterday. Yeah, I saw. Yeah. I watched some of his special. Fat rascal. What's the difference between a special and just your set? Like, what makes it a special?

You just have to say special. Yeah, I think it's just a special. Just call it a special. I think it's filmed. I think if you film it And put it out Well because then You're releasing it You're not going to do it

You're not going to keep Doing all those jokes Oh So if you just Why don't you just film One of your sets And then you just You just did a special

Done Because you want it to be Like Your best shit Highly edited You want it to be like The best you could possibly Shots of the crowd

Once you put it out Do people then keep Using those jokes Or are they kind of like, now it's out? I think it depends on, like, some people that, I know, like, people that are, like, on, like, an intense, like, touring schedule. Like, theater comedians. I know sometimes they'll put out a special, and they won't have, like, a full hour ready yet, so they'll do, like, 30 minutes of new stuff, and then, like, old stuff. I saw Nate Bargatze.

He's so fucking funny. You saw him live? Yeah. Where? Chicago. Chicago Theater. Really? So funny. Yeah, he's unbelievable. He saw him live? Yeah. Where? Chicago. Chicago Theater. Really? So funny.

Yeah, he's unbelievable. He came in the office after. Really? He's fucking best. He was at the stand the night before his SNL monologue. And he was doing spots there. Working on it? Yeah, it was super cool.

Yeah. That is cool. Yeah, he's hilarious. Do you miss Shane? Yeah, I miss all those guys. Wait, they all moved? Yeah, all my friends are gone. Wait, who? hilarious. Do you miss Shane? Yeah, I miss all those guys. Wait, they all moved? Yeah, all my friends are gone. Wait, who? Who do you hang out with? No one. Who moved? I play video games.

Wait, Roan. No, man, me and Roan. You have fucking nobody. Wait, who all moved? Roan's busy all the time. What are you talking about? Roan's drinking still, which I just can't be around. You came over to my apartment. We watched-

I did. That was fun. We watched ball multiple times. We have watched ball multiple times. And I drink and you don't and it's still, it's fine. Yeah.

No, really, like me and Rowan's probably the only person I really hang out with. It's tough to have like more immature friends. It is, yeah. That's the problem.

Because they get fucked up. Now my buddy, they all moved. Jane, Gardini, LaMare is moving. All my friends. Well, Gardini, Lemaire is moving. All my friends. Well, Gardini and me hung out a lot, so that was a big blow. You have a bunch of boys.

I do have a bunch of boys. I'm being dramatic. Where's Bo? Kenya. Oh. Currently in Kenya. He sent me a photo. That was a tough blow.

Yeah. Me and Namook are sitting at a fucking random sports bar with nobody in it eating nachos and just slop. And my buddy Bo sends me a photo of him flying a helicopter in Kenya. Yeah. And I was like, damn. When you two go out to eat and say you get nachos to share. Who picks that you guys are getting nachos? They had a special. Yeah.

And we decided to- It's a mutual. We're getting good at ordering together. Who picks? You can't both- They said we had $12 nachos, and I was like, we were both like, yeah, let's do that. Yeah. At the same exact time?

Yeah. Yeah. Pretty much. No. But one of you wanted it more than the other. One someone said it first. I did want the nachos. Yeah.

There's always someone who wants the thing more than the other. I ate a majority of the nachos. That's always scary when you're thing more than the other. I ate a majority of the nachos. That's always scary when you're like, you throw out the appetizer and you're like, I want this appetizer and it doesn't hit. Yeah, I hope this hits. I was thinking about it. Is $12 for meatless nachos even that good of a deal? No, you got ripped off. No meat?

I don't think that's that good of a deal. No cheese? So what all was on the nachos? Just like all the works. Everything besides. Oh, that's a bad deal. Need some meat on them. And no meat.

Yeah, that's bad. Like beans? Beans. Oh, that's still pretty good. It was good. I mean, I don't know why. The beans are nothing. They were great nachos.

How many types of beans? One? Two, maybe? Guac would be the upcharge. Guac, sour cream. Yeah, I think that's a deal. Yeah, they were good-ass nachos. It's not a deal. You went to work on those nachos. maybe guac is the guac would be the upcharge guac yeah i think that's the deal yeah we're good ass nachos you went to work on those nachos and then mook got six wings and i think it took him

an hour and a half to eat also i was savoring that dude it was pathetic i was taking my time six wings who even every time me and mook go on the road together i just something new comes out that i'm like that's shocking actually fresh off a. When we went fishing, he did take a bus. He couldn't walk. When we took fishing, he could not walk. What does that mean? Exactly how I said it. What does that mean? This goes back to Sass being a river fisher.

We were off the side of a fucking highway in Oregon. Dude. Middle of nowhere. Like a hill, the steepness. Like a hill. Like a hill the steepness of a hill. Like a a pindexter. It was a hill that was significantly

less steep than a staircase. And he's like, dude, I don't know how to get down. And I'm like, what are you talking about? I just walked straight up. I got stuck on the hill. And he had to get on his ass and shuffle down a hill that was like this steep. Mook. Yeah, I ruined the hope. Baby he had to get on his ass and shuffle down a hill that was this steep. Mook.

Yeah, I ruined the hocus. Baby, what's going on? He did ruin his shoes. I ruined his shoes. I was afraid to slip. The hocus were slippery and the incline was wrong. Which shoes were you wearing? He had fucking boots on.

He had crampons. My ultra-light weighting boots, dude. He was like 100 yards ahead of me in the river going on like a rock path. And I was like, dude, how are you moving so fast you had fucking boots on no luke's taking a bus and sass got all his like high-tech camping gear for everest no look we both took a hit i'm flying fucking main cabin southwest airlines now oh no that's in wait what happened us dude i have to save money so brandon you fish from a boat and you fish from in the water? Yeah. This is a little Roe v. Wade right now. That's damn good.

Wow. That's damn good. You got it. Where do you stand on that, Brandon? That's incredible. You're Roe, I guess. I like to wade, too. That's so funny.

I guess it just depends. State by state. How did you even come up with that? That was like four mental paths that you had to take simultaneously. You said weighed. Wait, so Sash, you're tight on money right now?

No, a little bit. Put it this way, I'm ending the year with the same amount of money that I started the year with. That's a win. That's a huge win. You're 23? Yeah, but I did like- I don't think I saved a dollar.

We did like huge weekends. I was in a ton of debt until 28. I didn't save a goddamn dollar. No, I'm being dramatic. Ticket sales are doing well for this 2024. But you're also going to have to move, you said. Yeah. Why?

Oh, is your rent crazy? My rent's too expensive. I think that's what it's coming down to. How much is it? $3,600. Holy shit. Oh my goodness. Yeah.

Damn. I don't know why I said that. Yeah. I usually don't say things like that. Rent in New York is expensive. You're comfortable with us. Yeah. You've been to my place, right? Yeah. I'm less than that. No, you're not. Yeah. I usually don't say things like that. Rent in New York is expensive. You're comfortable with us. You've been to my place, right? Yeah.

I'm less than that. No, you're not. Yeah. You told me how much your rent was. I'm less than that, dude. No way. I thought you were 4K. No.

Yeah, that hurts. I'm shelling out $1,300 and it fucking hurts. Yeah, I'm probably going to move to Brooklyn or Queens or some shit. Chicago. Somewhere cheaper. Maybe Wisconsin. You moved to Wisconsin? I know a high school. going to move to like Brooklyn or Queens or some shit? Chicago. Somewhere cheaper. Yeah. Maybe Wisconsin. If you live in Wisconsin.

I know a high school. I have an extra room in my house. Yeah. How much are you charging for that? Free. Free? Yeah. Holy shit, dude. You'd be stacked.

That'd be a big deal. Gym too. Yeah. I'm also losing a lot of bets. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, this house wouldn't help. 20 leg parlays every single time he bets.

He hasn't bet one straight bet all year Betting straight bets is the most boring thing on the planet I'll never Putting down $25 to win 20 bucks That's crazy It's the same rush

Not even close Are you crazy? You've never done it How would you know? I'll take two of three on a parlay opposed to winning a straight bet for like 15 bucks. Yeah, me too. Yeah, but you could just bet every time. You could just bet on the straight.

You could bet 200 bucks. You guys are paying for the, I can't say this enough, you're paying for the experience. Yes, 100%. That's true, that's true, but why not just make the experience of one game the same weight as what you would win on the parlay? Because the parlay payout is a great amount, one amount that would make me very happy. So every time I get closer to hitting that,

I get a rush of excitement, of euphoria. I bet the Patriots would win to beat the Steelers, and I felt nothing. You just don't bet enough. Yeah, just bet what you would win on the parlay. Oh, you're saying bet the amount of money on one outcome. Right, the parlay. And you get the rush.

There's more options for me to experience excitement. Also, I don't want to lose. Like, if I bet, like, if this parlay that I take, it's $25 to pay out a grand I'd rather lose $25 than bet like the Patriots to win and put $500 on it and then they lose like that's a little but what about what if they win

then I make back $500 which is not even like you've never felt that rush of hitting that big bet I have because when I was in Vegas I put I took all my winnings, and I put it all on the Chiefs to beat the Jets. So you're saying that you like losing parlays more than you like winning big bets. Yes.

That's the dumbest thing ever. I like losing parlays more than I like betting straight. Betting straight, just not for me. Not my thing. I'll do it for big games, like when the birds are in the clouds. Yeah, for that, I'll do that. If they fucking make the playoffs, Jesus Christ. Why don't you just do it all?

There you go, Brandon. Bet the parlays, bet the straights. Okay, Brandon, it sounds like you might have a problem. I'm just saying. Brandon, what the fuck? One-eighth of a lap. There's a lot of ways to squeeze the juice out of him. I'm going to need you to take a step back.

I'm just saying. We don't have to debate this. We can do it all. I'm with you. I kill for a good Sunday. That is fun. I try to teach me. Oh, my God me when the third

out of five hits that's better than any amount of money it is any amount of money especially if you've got three if you've got like three in the 1pm slate and then like 1, 4pm 1, 8pm and then they all hit

early in the 1pm and it's just like no I a shit load of money on one game 1, 4 p.m., 1, 8 p.m., and then they all hit early in the 1 p.m., and it's just like, oh. No, I make a shitload of money on one game, and just being like all in on one game is the best. But then what if it's a blowout? It's not even exciting. Then you laugh at yourself. If you win, it's awesome.

It's a celebration. You're like, I'm so right. Yeah, but it's like not that hard to bet straight. There's nothing better than... You like doing something really hard that's a low chance of you succeeding better than just doing something that is a decent chance. I mean, betting who's going to win the game is not that crazy. Okay.

It is still very hard. I bet I'd be like 80% accurate. Do it. Then do it. I just said that to be nice. Give it to us. Isn't the best bettors in the world, like, 52%? 52.5% is making money.

I think 57% is, like, you're sick. Anything over 55% is, like, what can you do? Like, this is my full-time job. Well, it depends because you could do, like, the best ones. They don't bet a lot. No? They'll just bet. Yeah, they'll bet, like, one or two games so wait career gamblers

aren't betting every day no no they're betting very few amount of games picking their spots and they're betting a lot of money on the few games yeah that's my problem yeah have you ever like no the best like billy walters uh phil phil nicholson's guy i think he'd bet like maybe like 12 games a year or something that's's crazy. That is so nerdy. And what, you put like a million dollars? Yeah, he put a shitload of money on it. That's cool, yeah. And like try to go like, oh shit.

All right, that's cool. Eight and four, you bet a million bucks. Yeah, doing like 12 a year and everything rides on the significance of each one. Yeah. So high. That's good play. I don't know if it was 12, but yeah. Brandon, have you guys ever like hung out with career gamblers?

What would they be like? Brandon hangs out with me. Like only income from gambling. Yeah, I've met some guys. Are they weird? Yeah, they're a little weird. They are don't like sports don't exist to them. It's just purely like they treat it like the stock market.

They're not sports fans. No, they're like they watch all the lines move. They sound not sports fans. No, they're like stock. Like they watch all the lines move. They sound like horrendous people. Right. They're not getting any joy out of it. They're just. Well, because they need the money. They're just doing it.

It's no different than like an investment fund. I wonder what they see that they're like, this is one of my 12 games. Yeah. It's all numbers. All right, big heads. How many bets do you say you place on like a Sunday? Like parlay, straight bets, total. How many bets do you say you place on a Sunday? Like parlay, straight bets total. How many bets do you think you place?

Well, Sunday's not as many games. On a college football Saturday, probably like 50. 50? No. I had 700 plays this year in Pick'Em. That's crazy. I went 50% on the dot. That's awesome.

No, that's not. You lose all the juice. Yeah, that's a i went 50 on the dot that's awesome no that's not all the all the juice yeah it's a lot of juice yeah i went oh and 15 on sunday oh those are just crazy no man but thank god you didn't bet straight but also half of those bets are like five dollars right now i like action that's my problem i like the action but don't you get like like at a certain point like towards like the 4 p.m. games, I really only want to have like one bet because I don't want to be like, oh, shit, that person scored. I think I have a parlay with them in there somewhere. Yeah, I mean I just bet – I mostly bet straight bets.

Yeah. And then – How do you even have 50 straight bets? On a college football Saturday, there's like 75 games. That's interesting. So what are you taking mostly Mostly the spread or what? Everything. Everything?

Yeah. I mean like the first night of college basketball I think I had 23 bets. That's crazy. Those are the best. The Saturdays when you just college basketball is crazy

because college basketball legitimately has like what 150 games on Saturdays? Yeah. And you're just like and I'm all relentless. Do you even like do you ever hit a massive bet

and just like not even remember that you placed that bet? No. Really? If I do a massive amount I'm relentless. Do you ever hit a massive bet and just not even remember that you placed that bet? No. Really? If I do a massive amount, I'm very, very tuned into the game. But not like you didn't put a massive amount, massive odds. Have you ever been surprised by that? Like, how did I get 15 grand in my account? No.

But there'll be times like Thursday night, Mitch, I had like a stupid parlay. Parleys are dumb. You can't win them. And I was like, I think Mitch got like 20 yards more passing at the end on that last play. Yeah. And I was like, oh, fuck. Okay. I was like, how do I have this?

Oh, shit, he did it. Yeah, so that happened every now and then. What are you thinking about, Brandon? My next parlay yeah yeah brandon i sent you that one parlay that i had college football yeah it was sharpest mind in college football well i don't know why you said that but yeah he's the number one i don't know pull up your picket college football record ronan sass you guys know that he's the number one college football uh personality personality i didn't see that yeah it's not a brag it's just

a fact. It was because after five years of bitching about that list and making that guy's life hell, he had to give it to you. Correct. I'm not sure that's what happened. I was number four last year, and I praised him for putting me number four. But what were you the year before that? Probably number five. I've been high for a while.

Now I'm number one. Because you complained your way into the top spot. I think that's the lesson. Maybe I you complained your way into the top spot. I think that's the lesson. Maybe I just earned my way to the top spot. Maybe I'm the number one college football media personality in the country. Nah. Close. I would say you are. I think you're up there. You are up there.

You're top dog for me. How bad does it suck that the Eagles suck? It's so bad. Dude, they're so bad. How does that happen in a week? Here we go! Twitter algorithm. It's brutal what happens Dude, they're so bad. How does that happen in a week? Here we go. Twitter algorithm. It's brutal what happens. Now they're terrible. If they dominate the next team, they're a Super Bowl favorite.

It's hard to win in this league. It's every week people change. It's an inconsistent league for every team. The Jets are the best team in the NFL right now. That's true. Giants look pretty good. Your tweet about, like, I'm about to watch the Eagles versus Cowboys is going to dictate, like, my happiness for the next week, maybe month.

It popped up on the top of my Twitter at, like, midnight on Sunday night after the game, and I was just like, ooh. Because I drive back to listen to – or I drive back to do the Pat Bev show on every Monday or Tuesday. And so I get to listen to local sports radio. Angela? Yeah. Or no.

Angela retired. No. Ant. Yeah, yeah. Big Ant. Because. But so I can't, like I literally can't even listen. I'm listening to a podcast about the fucking rise of Cortez in the Incan Empire now.

What? Yeah. How's that going? It's actually super interesting. You'd rather be talking about the birds. When they found Yucatan, you know the Yucatan Peninsula? Sure. Where is that?

Mexico. Cancun, right? Yeah. That's where Cancun is? It's like, yeah, the east coast of Mexico. They said, like, what's the of mexico they uh they they said like what's the name of this land and they said yucatan and so they've been calling it yucatan but yucatan like meant like what what are you saying oh they like it was like them basically saying

they don't understand what you're talking about it's like uh when i was a kid i thought it was so funny that i would say my favorite candy was whatchamacallit yeah basically your favorite candy i'd be like whatchamacallit yucatan is whatchamacallit. Yeah, basically. Your favorite candy? I'd be like, whatchamacallit. Yucatan is whatchamacallit. Still like doing that. So, yeah, it's a pretty sweet podcast. But that's what I'm using my time on. And I'm just going to start grinding college tape now

and start preparing for the NFL draft. Jay, I don't know if you're there yet. You guys are like, what pick are you, like 30? Yeah, but we have the Saints pick in the second round, too. So that's three picks in the top 60. It's a lot of tape to grind. So you just got to watch Georgia's tape, right? Yeah.

I mean, the Georgia guys aren't. Keely Ringo fucking sucked. Nolan Smith wasn't doing shit. Fucking N'Kobe Dean's been out. Damn. Damn. Jordan Davis? He's down bad.

Jordan Davis has been all right. The Sixers good, at least? The Sixers are awesome. The Sixers fucking wax. I mean, it's the Wizards, but they smoked the Wizards yesterday by like 50 points. The Pistons have lost 20 straight games. That shouldn't happen. Is that how hard that is?

20 straight games? The Sixers have them the next two games. I told them. I sat the teams down. I was like, dude, if you lose to them, this is a— Are you hanging out with some of the guys on the team? I think they kind of know who I am now. Like, if Embiid walks by, is he giving, like, a what's up?

Yeah. He has before, right? So sick. Yeah, he did. It's on tape. Have you hung out? Have you gone to, like, dinner? No.

Like, they invited me out last night, but I had to drive back after we recorded to come up here. That's fucking awesome. Whoa, your mic's out. I lost you. KB, grab this cord. Maybe you unplugged your mic. Because you unplugged it. I'm kidding.

There you go. I think we're good. It's right there. You grab that cord Check it Just talking to it Check check Yeah yeah

You're back Just unplugged it Whatever point you're gonna make Doesn't work now No Try it anyway Do it What point I was gonna make?

Yeah I said I grabbed the cord No no The one who was playing I don't know When you guys talk sports I just say shit Yeah

Yeah You can get into sports What are you talking about? You're a fucking You're a gambling savant Yeah No I'm like sass I lose so often

But it doesn't matter But you know the players I do know the players Yeah That's all it takes He's keeping a record Of every hometown Of everyone who scores

A touchdown in the NFL 90% of sports discourse Is just knowing a player's name And being. He's keeping a record of every hometown of everyone who scores a touchdown in the NFL. 90% of sports discourse is just knowing a player's name and being like, he's so good. And you're right, KB. Talking NFL is just literally the game you just watched. That does frustrate me. The Giants look like contenders now because they won. What team? I don't get who's the Cowboys.

Cowboys are the Niners. The Bears default the three losses. Well, they had Trent Williams and Debo Samuel out. Two of their best players. Maybe they're two best players. Trent Williams might be the best player in the NFL. The Bears and Broncos played earlier this year, and it was the two worst NFL teams that have ever existed of all time.

I remember the game in Chicago. Did you go? Someone around the office was like like we should go as a joke because these are like the two worst nfl teams we have ever seen in the history of this league someone has to win uh wait now now they're gonna be in the playoffs now they're both like maybe no the margin is just so small between the best and the worst that's what the difference is is. Why not just relax and let the next week play out? Oh, no. What are we going to do?

Talk about our feelings? I think that with the Eagles, why I'm so dismayed is that you would need to show that you could beat those teams or at least hang with them to have a chance of winning in the playoffs against them. They beat the Cowboys somewhat convincingly. Recently. Well, it wasn't convincing. Yeah, they've been playing with fire for a while.

They had a huge lead, too, right? They barely beat the Bills. The Bills are the Bills. The Bills are good. The Bills are great. So we're saying it's just the 49ers right now. Yes. The 49ers are the Cowboys.

The Cowboys are in the mix. The Bills are good because the offside was called. If the offside was not called, then the Bills are a disaster. AFC shouldn't even put a team. They're not even going to have a team in the Super Bowl. They should be disqualified. I think the Bills have a chance. I think the Eagles might not even make the playoffs.

That's just wrong. There's a chance. I think it's almost impossible. I think if they win One more game They're in No the Eagles are doing it right We're not too hot right now We're gonna get hot The last couple games

Play the Giants twice And the Cardinals He'll chase He wants to see the Eagles In the first round Yeah The Tommy DeVito's agent Was so fucking funny

Oh my Is that real Yeah That's insane He is So perfect And uh This guy Who I'm friends with Kevinvin clark who i think works for

espn now he uh he put it perfectly he's like every other sport spends like their entire existence being like how can we market the next star and the nfl is like oh we got an italian guy from new jersey yeah he's gonna be a national story. Everyone's like, Mike Trout. How do we get Mike Trout more marketable? His mouth is upside down. Yes, it is. You're right, it is. That's all bottom teeth.

That's an upside down mouth. That's his top lip in the bottom. Why was he on the sideline? He was just getting his shine. Did you see him? It looks like a video of him. It's a British character on Family yeah like a Dick Tracy villain

he has like the beaded bracelets on too a bunch and he had the Italian horn on his necklace he was probably in a season of I think you should leave yeah it does look like that yeah you're right that's insane and the best part is

Italians are the only Culture, ethnicity That everyone can make fun of Every slur is fair Wap, gimme You can just say all the shit And people are like, yeah that's fine It's Italians

Yeah People don't really give a shit about them. No. The Irish do. True. People don't give a shit about the Irish. People care about the Polish. No, when the Irish get in front of the Irish,

they start being like, we weren't allowed to be anything but cops. Yeah, we're like, we're slaves. It's like, bro, no you weren't. Yeah, the potato famine. Dude, Colm, our buddy Colm, comedian. Yeah. He's Irish and he gets like, he doesn't get mad about anything.

If you bring up the potatoes, he'll get mad. Just saying potato? You bring up the potatoes, make a joke about the potatoes. It's like, it's not funny. The famine? Yeah, he's like, why are you laughing about that? Oh, the famine? Wait, are you saying like, if I was like, hey, you're going to eat a potato, he'd get mad?

Are you talking about the famine or the potatoes? Potatoes. Not the famine. The famine was a potatoes potatoes it's not the famine the famine was a planned genocide yeah famine too yes family was a bad deal but just potatoes in general all of it it all triggers potatoes to them the crickle fries yeah yeah text him potatoes right now no dude you'd be furious yeah just text him potatoes it's like a slur to him. What about car bombs?

Does he get sensitive about that? No. He's a man. You put a french fry near him, he'll fucking scream. A stack of complex carbs. He'll scream. Fly a plane into two towers of Pringles. Yeah, the potato family was a bad deal. Yeah, that was nasty. That was the British doing nasty things. towers of Pringles. Oh yeah.

The potato family was a bad deal. Yeah. That was nasty. That was the British doing nasty things. God imagine. You know what I was thinking about today? Or I wasn't thinking about this day. This happened today.

I was on the plane and I got the wifi and I, we, I just remembered this. So we're talking about Twitter. I opened my phone and there was my Twitter and there was a, like, it was like, it was like alternate angle of the second plane hitting the towers.

That's a pretty not a great thing to be looking at on your phone while you're in the air. Oh, yeah. No, you can't do that. Like buying the Wi-Fi on Delta so that you can watch a 9-11 fucking documentary. So how do they do it again? I've done precisely that.

Taking notes. Yeah. That's why I just sit on the plane and build a clock. Ahmed Muhammad. Cool clock, Ahmed. He looked like such a sweet boy. My name is Ahmed Muhammad and I brought a clock to school.

And then I got 16 million. Alright, I'm going to jump out. I got to do my one question with the quarterback. So when I come back, we'll do the challenge. Sass, are you going to go first or you want me to? I knew it was going to be me. Copy.

Best of luck. Who you got today? Oh, shit. Oh, wow. Future patriot. Yeah, what are your thoughts on the Pats, man? Fucking love them. Do you?

Zappy. The truth. But, you know, you just bought a Mac Jones jersey. You were wearing a Mac Jones jersey yesterday, you fucking fraud. I know, and no one will ever be able to see it because the fucking tapes are gone. You bought a Mac Jones jersey? Of course. The last one.

I told him not to, dude. I bought it, I think, the next week he got benched. Yeah. The day it arrived. He was literally the last person to buy one. Yeah, you couldn't have been shocked that that happened. He doesn't watch ball. He doesn't watch ball. He doesn't know ball.

What are you talking about? Roan, I know ball. I'm the one that told you that the Cowboys were going to beat the Eagles. Whoa. And I told you that. I literally sent you a photo of a Christian McCaffrey jersey before the 49ers game, and I said, let me know what side. Then why did you bet on the Eagles in both games?

Do you think I actually bet on the Eagles, or do you think I'm just telling you that Wait, you told me you bet on the Eagles, too. Yeah, exactly. You're just telling your Eagles friends you bet on the Eagles, or do you think I'm just telling you that's the reason we're out? Wait, you told me you bet on the Eagles, too. Yeah, exactly. You're just telling your Eagles friends you bet on the Eagles? Of course. You dickhead. No, I did bet on the Eagles. See?

I don't know what to believe. So they have better odds. I'm not going to bet straight on an underdog. Your betting strategies are hilarious and respectable. You and Francis are the most boring bettors of all time. Yeah, Francis is. I mean, dude, they're like, oh, I had a... I know that's a Francis impression.

I have Yokovesh in straight sets. Yeah. What's boring about how I bet? I had A.J. Brown to have two receptions today. Like, what were the odds on that? Minus 2,000? My Ethiopian boy used to bet like $10,000 on Barcelona when they were a massive favorite to win $500. He would chip away

at it and then they would get upset and lose. Someone was telling me that women's lacrosse, the odds on that are insane. Who was telling you that? I forget. Someone who is definitely gambling too much. Can we look up some of the odds? I don't know if it was women's lacrosse or volleyball or soccer. One of the three.

Different sports. One of those women's sports. They're all the same to you? Yes. Yeah, they are. College basketball seems wild to bet on. I don't really gamble, so I don't know, but I pay attention to the lines, and they are off a lot.

They have to be because the scores are weird. Yeah, they're all over the place. But you know you watch a football game, and it's like minus six and a half and then the game's a seven-point game. You're like, holy shit, how did they do that? It blows my mind. College basketball is not that way. It'll be like a six-point spread and it's a 24-point game or something.

Do you feel like you watch and consume enough to where you could be a good better? Probably, yeah, but I just don't. I don't know. I can't consume. I don't know. I watch all of you guys watch sports and I just don't i don't know i just i i can't can i i can't consume i don't know i watch all of you guys watch sports and i just can't consume don't want to do it that way yeah you're a purist yeah it's like uh i don't need a belt around my neck when i'm jacking off like jacking off is jacking off is enough yeah that feels good to me you don't need the you don't need the wrist i don't need i don't need that extra level i I need a finger up my ass.

It's already compelling enough. It'll turn you into an insufferable dude. It does get annoying. I don't actually like to do a lot of parlays with teams that I actually want to watch because it sucks when you're watching the Bills against the Eagles and the Bills are winning. And I'm like, oh, sweet. But I need Gabe Davis to score still.

Yeah, that's the worst. Because then they score and you get mad. And you're like, well, I should be happy that they're winning. Yeah. I don't bet. Yeah, I would gamble in the right circumstances. I don't know. I don't do any parlays with the Patriots.

I just bet them straight. Mark, how do you feel about that small school in Indiana, I think, that will rush the court? Taylor? They just did that, right? Yeah. It's always, like, way earlier than you expect. It's like a Christmas thing.

Oh, that's just a one game a year? Yeah, it's the last game before finals, before Christmas break. It's like a Christian school, so they, like, do, like, a whole thing. Explain to me what they do? When they score their 10th point, the last home game before they go on winter break the fans rush the court and they all dress funny and it's like quiet until then they can't make a noise yeah yeah it's silent yeah they don't make a single noise until

they score their 10th point and then when they score the 10th point they go crazy like they're mid-game right now. Yeah. Yeah. They get like a typhoon. If I was on the other team, I'd lose my fucking mind.

That's what I'm saying. That's a little bit much. That would go crazy. They probably get trampled. Like, what happens to the guys on the other team? They need to run off immediately.

I think this is the end of the game. Because I watched this clip waiting for it to burst into. I don't think this is that cool. You never dissipated in it, though. I don't think this is that cool. You never participated in it, though. I don't know. It's one of those things that I'm supposed to say is cool,

but deep down I don't think it is. But I also don't care enough to say this is lame. I think it's a fun tradition. Is that Obama? It was. For a school that small, yeah. It's like something for them to do. Yeah.

You said this is a Christian school? Yeah. It's a real Christian school. Yeah, it is. They're not drinking or fucking. We went too long. Oh, the lettuce one, right? The milk. Kennesaw? It is one of those. And we're not drinking or fucking. This is where we went to, Ryan. Oh, the lettuce one, right?

Kennesaw? It is one of those. We're all sober. They're high on God, brother. You can't have a guy and a girl in the same room. If a girl is coming to your dorm, you have to leave the door open. Schools like that need something. They need a differentiator or something

really fun for them to... Quirky activities. Like chugging milk. need like a differentiator or like something really fun for them to quirky activities yeah like chugging milk totally in a church but that's like it's like uh i don't know it's like a young boy activity almost like before you start drinking it's like the kind of shit that you would do and like just go crazy yeah like liberty's campus is a bunch of tiktokers doing like trick shots yeah and they have fun i bet the dude Perfect dudes would mop up the Yak Challenge. That's what I was saying. They would go in 20 seconds.

Would you be starstruck if they were in the office, Brandon? No, I really would. Yeah. I really would. Now, I don't like all of them. Like, I don't like Garrett Hilbert. Is that the twin? No, that's the purple hoser.

I don't like the purple hoser, but if Cody were here. Why would you like the purple hoser? I don't know. I just don't like the purple hoser. Who's the main one? Tyler, Tony's the main one. Then there's the twins, Cody and Corey. And then there's the purple hosier? I don't know. I just don't like the purple hosier. Who's the main one? Tyler Toney's the main one. Then there's the twins, Cody and Corey. And then there's the purple hosier and the tall one.

Show me the purple hosier. Why? Does he not nail his trick shots? I don't think he's as good as the others. I think they have to edit him pretty carefully. The others, like Tyler Toney's pretty good. And I like the tall guy because he's tall. That's my guys.

You like all tall people just for being tall? No. Not the fucking tall family just for being tall? No. Not the fucking tall family on TikTok. Oh, yeah. They suck. Just in a line. Wait, who's the panda, Brandon? Look how tall we are.

They've never told us. We don't know. Who's the singing family on TikTok? Oh, they're... Yeah. All right. Garrett Hilberg. You like Garrett?

No, that's the one I don't like. That's the purple hoser? Yeah. Why do they call him the purple hoser? Because he wears the purple. They all- 180 pounds of chips and queso. Yeah.

Who's this guy? Is this dude perfect? Yeah, it's one of them. That's the main guy. Yeah, that guy. Tyler might be the best athlete in America. Tyler is better at football than Kadarius. Yeah.

And he's in Crocs. Not even sport mode. What's tall guy? He must be new. They all have three kids, every single one of them. Oh, are they Mormon? Oh, I'm out on Kobe. No, they're just extremely Christian.

Yeah, they're Texas A&M guys, which is worse than all of them. Only one of them has two kids and everybody else has three kids? Perfect. Are they all white dudes? Only one of them has two kids and everybody else has three kids. Sick. They should start like a black version of Dude Perfect. Isn't it like Crazy Neighbors? Perfect Brothers. Keep going.

Take it from here. What's wrong with that? What are they shooting? Black excellence. The excellent brothers. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. The excellent brothers? No. No, man.

I like that. The black is excellent. The brother, no. Yeah. No, man. I like that. The black dude perfect. The brothers excellent. What would be different about them? They'd be doing trick shots with Glocks. Yeah. Yeah. Shooting range shit.

Or just basketball. Or just basketball, yeah. I'm just spitballing here. Yeah, man. This is a good idea. I like it, yeah. I think you need to assemble this crew. I should, yeah. Be their manager. Yeah, man. This is a good idea. I like it, yeah. I think you need to assemble this crew. I should, yeah.

Be their manager. Yeah. Who's Crazy Neighbor? Crazy Neighbor is the best. We've pulled up Crazy Neighbor like ten times on this show. Crazy Neighbor is an excellent brother. Yeah, that's what I mean. He's an excellent brother.

Yeah. He could maybe be the start. He's camera shy, though, and he's going to have to work around that if he wants to be a part of the crew. Yeah. Because he is really, he crumbles. You should be like the Lou Pearlman of the Excellent Brothers. You should build them up in sync. I want to donate to the Crazy Boys and get them a fucking basketball hoop with a backboard.

Their backboard has a massive, it's shattered, and there's a massive hole in the back of it. Wait, who is this? Who's the big, who big? Followed by Michael Greer and the Crazy Boys. Of course. I was on the Crazy Boys early. Yeah. Are they trick shots?

Oh, we've seen this before. They're trick shots. They do a lot of, they like to flip the prime bottles. Stay crazy. Look at their basketball hoop. We'll get them a basketball hoop for $100. Stay crazy. There's more of a trick if they...

Oh, stay crazy. There it is. Let's go! Pretty good. Is that Crazy Neighbor? I made you guess. Oh, he's looking a lot more comfortable in front of the camera these days. If you go back to the old

videos, I mean, he... They haven't posted in a while. They never post. This might be a fake account. Oh, yeah. There's the real one. Oh. Are they... Oh. Crazy goat.

Crazy unicorn. Crazy goat. Crazy croc. Oh, he's crazy. Is that Joshy Crocs? Crazy neighbors, fucking. The one, though. He needs to break away from the rest of them. He does.

He's like Nick Lachey. We got to get him on an independent contract. You got to leave these guys. They're holding you back. You're too good for these guys. Oh, shit. You see, he just got two inches. That was a great.

That was a great. Sheesh. Sheesh. Is this in Florida? Of course. Yeah. Is it? It has to be.

Where else could it be? Mississippi. South Carolina. South Carolina. What? Do tell. Is the boy up to something? Yes, the boy's up to something.

How'd you know? I could just tell. That O. That O. What is he doing? What's up? He just... I guess I'll send it to TJ.

Does Tommy know anything about the Crazy Boys? He probably does. I bet you. I could see him hating on the Crazy Boys. I don't think I'm going to be able to get out of 2024 without starting either a YouTube channel or a Twitch or something. You've been saying that forever. But it's time. Now I've got to do it.

Your popularity is waning. You need to use this. Yeah, I know. It's time to go ahead and create the insurance. Get a Twitch going. Me and Rome. Rome was telling me about this little kid who's making transphobic music. Oh.

And his dad also is making transphobic music. Oh, we could do that. Yo, I've seen that kid. Yeah. You saw him? He goes hard,

dude. Yeah, I've heard. Yeah, both, yeah. It's crazy. He's strictly bangers.

But, yeah, I mean, it's just an idea. Huh. What, his lyrics are transphobic? I think all of his songs are about... And his dad also only makes transphobic rap.

It's like super transphobic, and then he's like, I love God, though, at the end. Some of the worst... What? Putting on your glasses. Kyle's grabbing his mic by the wire. Don't grab the wire. Oh, yeah, we can't

hear you. He didn't say anything. He was just gesticulating. Hey, your mic's off. You're currently grabbing it by the wire. That's the wire. You got no problems with wires over at HQ4. It's more the hardware. Yeah, the computer is an issue.

Do you think you'll get another one? I have to. We record through the computer. I told him he could use my computer. You know Barstool will give you one. Yeah, I know. I'm going to get one on Thursday. So what did the boys say?

Oh, it was just a picture of him. They went out today, and he's wearing mismatched shoes. That's cool. That's cool luck. But I don't think he did it on purpose. No, he definitely did. He did. You think he likes guns or knives more?

Knives, for sure. A lot more personally? Not even close. You get close enough to suck out their last breath like an obonquin. It's the joke. Swords, knives. Guns are a distant probably fifth or sixth. Really?

Yeah, any other machetes, any types of knife or sword would be ahead of guns. It's easy for a pussy to feel like a tough guy with a piece. That is true. Back when I was a day, you just brought your fists. Yeah. Back in the day. Back when I was a day. Men were men.

Men were men. You had to have squabbles back in the day. Exactly. Solved our problem by beating each other to lifeless. That was it. Their hands choking people. That Cowboys-Eagles fight outside of Namibelia. Is that even an Eagles fan?

I don't know. He was wearing like a black jersey. He might have been a Raiders fan. Just there to fight? No, that's probably like that South Park episode. Black Eagles, like the Sean Jackson jersey. That's a fight in Jersey. But also, because he got his ass, or kind of whipped in the fight.

It wasn't that big of an ass whooping. But as the video started, the Cowboys fan was getting up off the ground. So it makes me think that there's something that we didn't see. We're not getting the entire story. Did you guys see the hockey knockout fight? That was an all-timer. The guy laying down on the ground in front of the goal? The guy that stands there slams his head on the wall.

See how that guy's just getting up at the start? That's some good memorabilia. See, he's getting up. He was obviously knocked down. Oh, shit. Yeah, he lost. Slow motion ass fight. Do you think either one of them was like,

yo, let's get away from this fucking million dollars shit. The Cowboys fan pulls the funniest move when he picks a guy up. He like spanks his bottom. That's a 15 jersey. Who's 15? That's what I mean. We lost this move.

Oh. That is a Raiders. Every NFL stadium should have a Raider It came back Every NFL stadium Should have a Raiders Yeah Fan to fight Yeah Or Chargers

Chargers have lost a little bit But San Diego There was always some Good ass fights Oh yeah Really San Diego San Diego

The Chargers versus the Raiders Used to get fucking Ugly Ugly Someone was getting poked Yeah I assume Ron I assume you've been close

To getting in a fight At a sports event Yeah, Roan's a dickhead Yeah, have you guys ever come close? I've never been close No Roan, I mean We were all there

When you were I mean, maybe you weren't close But there were several people That were close To fighting you None of your boys? Definitely one of your boys Yeah

Some of my boys Yeah, my boys Not me My boys But not me You guys are my boys. Maybe my boys, but not me. You guys are my boys. KB was probably closer to having a fight that day than me. It really has to take a lot, though, to get into a... I feel like you just have to...

I've been to sporting events where I've talked shit, and then someone will talk shit back, and we're like, ah, you know. That's what I mean. There's a next step that you have to take that is like, what are you going to do? What is the biggest... what's the game outcome have to do with the fight is it a blowout or a heartbreaking loss i think blowouts usually lead to fights because people get bored yeah yeah heartbreaking losses i feel like they but if somebody talks shit after a heartbreaking

loss yeah i was at the eagles commanders game this year that went to overtime and there was a commander's fan that was mercilessly talking shit and eagles fans were like kind of talking shit back to him but he was being an absolute animal and after the game everybody dapped up and everybody yeah it was like the perfect scenario of talking shit like he was more ruthless than anyone anything that i was doing at the yankees game and it was just completely fine but i feel like i feel like uh i feel like like there would be more likely to be a fight at a blowout because I feel like people aren't talking shit as much at a close game. Yeah, and also a heartbreaking loss.

If your team suffers a heartbreaking loss, you feel like less of a man. Yeah. So you don't want to fight. You're sad. Or you want to feel like a man again immediately. It's true. It's like if you go to an Eagles game and they don't score an offensive touchdown the entire game.

That's like. That's never happened. That happened this week. Oh, shit. Sorry, I had no idea. He was. That was a little bait. That was a little bait for you, Sass.

You fell for the bait. Malasek's walking cocky. Oh, he's the worst. All right, I'm going to go first before Sass. Yeah, let the bait. Malasek's walking cocky. Oh, he's the worst. Alright, I'm going to go first before Sass. Let me do the ad read. You guys are playing for a steak. Donnie's cooking a steak. Oh, shit. High stakes? Whoever gets the higher

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50% off site-wide, plus you get an extra $30 off when you use promo code YAK at checkout. Every purchase is backed by their unconditional money-back guarantee. Simply go to omahasteaks.com. Achieve gifting greatness today. Wait, can you play that video tj you gotta watch this video have you seen this hockey fight all right tell them take the lights out for what for who is too too much of a shine yeah that's too much glare you're right i'm getting burnt watch this watch this sass

one of the best plot twist Hockey fights of all time Once you get sweater too You're so fucked Which is such a hockey It only happens at hockey games Yeah Oh dude

Just wait for it Oh that is a cool one though Holy fuck Grabbing the other guy's belt by the foot. Is it like a youth game? Go, Josh! Wait for it. Wait, wait.

Oh! Whoa! What? He knocked himself out. After getting beat up, he tried to fire up the crowd and knocked himself out. Can we see that again? Yes, the whole time. Oh, my God.

Holy shit. That was a perfect knockout. He survived. He survived the fight. He hit himself on the glass so clean. Oh, mook. Oh, no. Oh, no. It's been the whole fucking time. Oh, my God. You, no! Oh, no!

It's been the whole fucking time. You're the Jabba Walkies. God, you're translucent. Oh, Mookie, baby. Yeah, I'm dead. We're just going to get sunburned. Yeah. Yeah.

Just eating it. Oh, move. All right, I'm up. Roan's going to be top five. No chance. Yep, chance. There's 0% chance. I'm just hoping to not be bottom six.

No, I think you're doing okay. So what's the order again? You kind of won. All right, Brandon will help walk you through it. Hey, Chuck and Brandon, when you guys go to the soccer, make sure you go far because that's where the camera is. Oh, here we go. Mook, you're coming back to life.

My heart is pounding not even fast but hard. Yeah. There you go, Mook. I just know I'm going to embarrass myself. Don't panic. I'm already panicking. That's my tip is you go to wiffle ball. There you go, Mook.

The vampire's back. Wait, are the lights not on? No, I think they're broken. They're broken or I don't know. Wait, is that light broken or off? All right. I can't shoot in the dark. Light it up.

All right, so cornhole, bags. Yeah. Soccer. So the soccer, you get three shots. You have to take three shots from where they are. Once you take three shots, you can go anywhere. Got it. So you can go right up to the goal and try to score why are the balls so far apart that's just how we set it up they have to be that far apart every time yeah they're kind of you're gonna wind up yeah they'd be a little bit tighter yeah you want a little tighter we can get

a little tighter wiffle ball so wiffle ball you just have to hit it above where this studio is so you don't have to hit it like into the second level you can just hit like the wall yeah i like that and and also just so you know if you hit the ceiling it doesn't count oh god and then you'll be football three-pointer three-pointer sparkle you got this wrong okay okay remember you're only going against promise me Remember, you're only going against... Promise me one thing. You're only going against Sass. I can't wait. I can't wait. You're going to ask what?

For the football, instead of doing a standard throw, slow arc it. KB reinvented the wheel. I just want to see how consistent. Yeah, he threw it on top of the ball, of the bottle. Hopefully he does it. It would mean a lot to me. I can't wait to see. I really hope so.

Honestly, the ball is wider than at that point. That's what I'm saying. I think there's something to it. But there also might not be. Ron doesn't get nervous And he's nervous right now Tomorrow who should we have on There's no

Do it I kind of want Kirk to do it Who Kirk Kirk When's Edelman in this week Or is that That's next week

Okay Yeah He's gonna be good at it See if we can get Dave to do it Dave would be Maybe we'll get Mook to ask him. Rico. Maybe that's Mook's.

Oh, yeah, Rico's good. I'm going to get Rico. That will be Mook's Yak Challenge, asking Dave to do it. Dave's here today. Yeah. Is he here right now? I saw him upstairs. He was before Yak, yeah.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Sassy. Really? Yeah, he's upstairs. It's the finales tomorrow. Why is he here a day early? I think he was doing work. Oh, sassy. Really? Yeah, he's upstairs. It's the finales tomorrow. Ah, why is he here a day early?

I think he was doing work. Ah, interesting. Yeah, he was posted up in an office. What's your record with him? I think it's... What do you mean? Is it over 500? In, like, with Dave.

Conversations with Dave. How many have you walked out of feeling like a win? We had a good conversation a couple weeks ago. Oh, nice. Yeah. I'm over it. New contracts? Was that new contract that new contract combo yeah i mean it was pretty standard well it's oh yeah shit it went well because he hasn't said like sass asked for no i will i literally went in i was like i'm not suggesting a number i was like you do it and then he we both laughed. We were like, this went pretty poorly last time.

All right. You ready, Roan? Yes. Okay. Ready, TJ? Ready. All right. Oh, we can't see shit in the back.

Yeah. Can we open up just the top windows? What the fuck? Wait. Open up the... There's two types of blinds just try to try well we can't see the the oh yeah page can you do a page can you open up the first blind not the second one i think there's a like uh shades there's a shade the light's being broken it's is quite a twist.

What's that glare on the right? I know. I've never seen that in real life. It's like the Cowboys Stadium where the lights come in for like 10 minutes at like a weird angle. One of the lights. Oh, wait. The light's on. Oh, okay.

Then, yeah, you can put down the shades. Wait. The lights just work? Why are the lights off? Oh, she just turned the light on. Oh, we turned them off. Oh, yeah. They're not broken. He said they're not broken. He said they're... Yeah. All right she just turned the light on. Oh, we turned them off. Oh, yeah, they're not broken. He said they're not broken.

He said they're... Yeah, all right. That was an easy fix. What the hell? Okay. Here we go, Ron. Wow, that is a crazy glare. But it's not out there when you look out there.

I know, the one spot. That's so weird. Okay. Three, two, one, go. Oh, no. Oh, no. Gotta go fast, man. Oh, two, one, go. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.

I understand why you were wearing those bags. Oh, no. Hey. Nine seconds. Holy shit. Brandon, move. Move, Brandon, move. You do this every time. Uh-oh.

Oh, no. Oh, Jesus. Take it in. Take it in. Uh-oh. Oh, Jesus. Take it in. Take it in. Take it in. Alisak's a good goalie. Are you worried about that yet, Sass? No.

I don't think I'm going to hit it that far. So goddamn frustrating. He's so annoying finish oh no he's teasing him now yeah let's go that would look like

he might have yeah what was that Malazan yeah he's getting soft Roan said he was worried about this one Roan's beard looks good yeah it does.

Yeah, wow. Uh-oh. Why is he only using one hand? What? Is that what you're supposed to do? No. No. Oh, no.

He's got to use two. Oh! Uh-oh. Minute nine. Still good. He did say this was his problem. Uh-oh. Like a dad batting to his son.

Yeah. Going for ground balls. Oh, no. Uh-oh. Yay! There it is. Home run. Football.

Football. If he does it, it would mean a lot. Kind of. Nope. That doesn't count. No. You've got to hit directly. Why is Brandon so involved in this?

He loves it. He just took this as his job. You've got to give a guy like him a job. He's like a working dog. Keep the anxiety out. Go chase him around. He's a cattle dog. He's back off Zoloft.

Oh, really? Yeah. Why was he on? Why did he... He went on Zoloft and got off of it? He got on it because we brought mousetraps. We brought a bunch of mousetraps in. And then his dick went soft.

Damn. Okay, just minor setback. For a major comeback. Come on, Roan. Is he winded? Yes. There we go. Three ball.

There we go, Roan. Yeah, he's gassed. Now, don't worry, Roan. You do have an NBA podcast. Wait. I don't like this angle. There we go. Oh, wet.

He's not doing bad. No, he's doing actually pretty well. Short. Wet. I'm worried that I'm going to crumble. That's what we all want. Panic will set in. You can't let her take over.

Money ball. He wants the money ball again. He's tired. Oh, no. He's getting tired. There it is. Tired. Oh.

He's real tired. Oh, no. He's got an arc on that thing. Oh. That's just demoralizing. It's going in. That's it. Oh.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh. it's going in that's it oh oh no oh no oh this is getting bad it's getting bad yep yep let's go let's go you're fine on time you're good you have to get 10 10 nine nba teams named after animals That's a good way to start. The Bobcats. Hornets. Chucky. Angelica.

There we go. Rachel McAdams. Fucking Cameron Diaz. Last names work. Just the last. Bravo host. Uh, apple cider vinegar, red wine vinegar. Uh.

Bravo host. Where, where, where? Oh, uh, Andy Cohen. Andy Cohen. Uh. Two more. Come on. Uh, uh, uh. We have those NBA teams.

Bulls. Yeah, there we go. The magic. Think of the Pickles family, man. Tommy. Tommy Pickles. There we go. He's good.

4-17. That's not bad. It's not good. No, it's not go. He's good. 4-17. That's not bad. It's not good. No, it's not good. What's the worst? But it's not bad. A lot worse than that. Stu is the best.

Something? Stu is the best thing for this because when everyone's like. He got six minutes? He had 16 straight air balls. Yeah, but I'm worried that I might. He also tore a muscle. He tore a muscle too. Where's he at?

Is he real? Where are we at? Where are we at? No. Yikes. No. You're right below Compton. Yeah, right below Compton, right ahead of Tommy Smokes.

That's huge. That's actually huge. Yikes. Ahead of Ben Mintz. My heart is pounding even worse than it was before. I'm so out of breath. I'm going for precision, not speed. You see what we were talking about with Malasek?

Yeah, he's nice. He gave me the goal He might have He 100% did Malasek, thank you, brother He's a real fucker He knows he gave it to me He looks like a 90s villain right now

Like in a ski movie Alright, sassy If you beat Roan Are you gonna talk shit Of course Yeah Here you go new bro It's easy

I got my inhaler upstairs too If you get I'm gonna get winded You just need your jewel I'm so excited for this I want him to come in first I Sassy dunks randomly.

Gets airborne. Come on, Sassy. All right. Yes. TJ, are we ready with the spork one? No. Okay. Not yet, Sassy.

You're going to do great, Sass. Ready. Here we go. Ready? Do it. Ready? Ready, Sassy? Three, two, one, go. All right, Sass. three two one go all right sass oh no he's slow oh he's going so slow oh uh-oh wet oh push that in

he's going so slow yep yes yes yes. All right. Come on. Come on, Sass. Oh, a little different. Why is he holding his hands like that? I don't know. Oh, no. All right. We'll let it go. Let him go.

Why is he? Why is he? Oh, he got it. Go. He's only at 37 seconds. Why is he? Oh, shit. Holy shit.

Doing well. Oh, no. Go, Seth. Go, Seth. Go, Seth. Okay. All right. You have so much time, thoughass. Okay. All right. You have so much time, though.

All right. You got some work to do. You got some work to do. Shoot it up, Sass. The leg's involved. He's just passing it to Connor. There it is. There it is.

Okay. Uh-oh. Think up. I love his pace. Shoot up. I know. Oh. Yeah. I love his pace. Shoot up. I know. Oh, yeah. He's doing fine. Oh, he's not taking the rack.

He's just going one and done. Oh. I forgot the balls. Oh. You got this, lock in you got this ass you're right on top of it ah he's got the pace of a guy at a grocery store all right there we go oh he's gone kill it right here all right let's go. Rip them off. Two Packers. Ten most played Las Vegas table games. Aaron Rodgers.

No. You don't know the other one. Ten most played Las Vegas table games. Roulette. Blackjack. Poker. Crabs. Crabs?

Adam Sandler's sports movies. Crabs. Yeah. The Longest Yard. Yep. Five states with the most billionaires. California. Best club teams in FIFA. He can't hear you. New York. Five states with the most billionaires. California.

Best club teams in FIFA. He can't hear you. New York. Think other big states. SpongeBob City. Massachusetts. Two more. That's not your fault. No.

SpongeBob City. Fuck. Heisman Trophy winners Johnny Manziel Tim Tebow It's 2010 You got one more Adam Sandler's sports movie Happy Gilmore

Yeah Yeah Good answer Bang Great score 316 Like Austin 316 Hell yeah Yeah. Yeah. Good answer. Bang. Great time. 3-16. Oh, yes. Like Austin.

3-16. Oh, yeah. Oh, well, you could just sit there. Get out of his seat. We have our first tie. Our first tie? Exact tie. Exact tie?

Oh, man. Put him ahead of Brandon. Well, no, that's my second best time. Yeah, that's true. Your second best time is down there? I was on fire until I got to the basketball. I haven't shot a basketball in a while. You were on fire.

I don't know. I still don't. I'm very confused. I don't think your soccer strategy, you were walking like an old man. What do you mean? You were walking like an old man. I haven't ran in a while. Yeah, but you conserved energy.

Look at that time. I don't know why I didn't take his jacket off. Didn't really stop me. It's true. You could argue that it did. So what are you, top ten all the time? We got to eliminate the, like, there's duplicates. Can you only go once a day?

Can I go again? Yeah, that's my third. You can go again tomorrow. I don't think we've ever done two in one day. Technically, you can go again tonight. That's beautiful. Yeah, we could have you go again tonight. True, I'll do that. I have an idea. Might be a bad one one day. Technically, you can go again tonight. That's beautiful, Seth. Yeah, we could actually go again tonight. True.

I'll do that. I have an idea. It might be a bad one. Just throwing it out there. No bad idea. For fun. What if we did like a relay as a team? Oh.

Should we try that right now? Yeah. We figure out everyone. Yes. I like that. Let's try it right now. Who would be the best? Let's just do teams of two.

We try to see how low we can get the time. Teams of two? And like Kyle will be standing. If it's me and Kyle, we'll be standing at soccer when I'm at court. Okay. Teams of two is sick. Yeah, we have eight people. We need like a baton, yeah.

Okay. We have to go do bracket. Well, let's do one team of two. Wheel for one team of two. Yeah. Yeah, so if anybody's ever feeling coy, they can go and pick a partner. Yeah, I like that. We should definitely have they can go and pick a partner. Yeah. I like that.

We should definitely have a different division. Teams of two. The best team of two. Doubles. Good idea. All right, so someone will go as a team of two. Donnie should be somewhere with the steak, too. All right, Donnie will be on the steak.

I can't believe it. How much time did I lose on the basketball? You were at 45 seconds. Not a crazy amount. I was at 45 seconds before basketball. You were crushing. You were on pace to podium. Yeah. Dude, I don't know what my shots like go right.

Yeah, you were just passing it to Connor. I mean, I fucking... Go again tomorrow. I did the home run and the basketball and the football in one try. It's going to be fun. Soccer. I'm excited for this. Usually people's longest is soccer.

Not me. No. Mook. Mook. Sash just beat me. I'm feeling some type of way right now. Me. Nick.

All right. How are you guys breaking it up? It has to alternate. So, like, someone has to pick basketball. Yeah. You're starting cornhole? Yeah, yeah. Team Sporkle, yeah.

Sass. Oh, hell yeah. Any extras? Incredible. Don't let Brandon have it. He ate all the extras yesterday. I'd like some of them. He invited me over to have it.

You're a dick. No, you are. You ate all the steak yesterday. He invited me over to say, come try this. You ate all the steak yesterday. Well, you don't have to whine about it. You go get your own steak. Why?

Doing the show. You left. To have the steak. Yeah, he invited me over. Look at Omaha Steaks. We can both eat steak. We have Portnoy's up hanging over the balcony watching

if we can get him to do it. Dave! Moot, get Dave. He might have. Moot, get Dave. Pussy. Pussy Pussy Ready Alright here we go Ready set go Alright Ready, set, go.

All right. Oh, wow. Yeah, let's go. Oh. Oh, shit. Is Mook going to blow it for the team? Oh. Mook's going to blow it for the team.

Oh, Malasek's in his bag. Oh. Oh, wow. Yeah. Yes. Yes. Yes. Oh, no. Yeah. Yes. Yes. Nice. Yes. Oh, no.

Good. Yes. Nick's killing it. Do this. Oh, he did your move. No. More of a lob. Bigger arc.

Okay. No. Oh, no. Yeah. Yeah. There we go. There we go. Wow.

It's really a shame that Nick didn't have a better part. Great work. Hit that. You guys are going to hit that. I went in. I went in. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Sparkle, sparkle, sparkle.

Two. All right. All right. Chris Nolan movies featuring? Sammy Sosa. Mark McGuire. Oppenheimer. You guys both doing it?

Yes. McGuire. Two Ps. Dikembe Mutombo. Oh, God. Picking too long of names. Yeah, you're picking long names. W.

W. W. No G. Batman Begins. Oh, God. Picking too long of names. Yeah, you're picking long names. W. W, no G. Batman Begins. Oh, G. The Dark Knight. Oh, no, no. Dark Knight. Yeah, Dark Knight.

Dark Knight Rises? Yeah, Dark Knight Rises. Pegasus. Mermaid. Go off. Kelly. Who shows up with Kelly Ripper Plants with less gravity Yeti

Nice Done Yeah Alright Pretty solid There we go That still doesn't beat you big time No

That's insane Because that was pretty perfect Duos is fun Yeah we'll have to have a duo How did you get under that? I did everything perfect. So you got, like, everything in one try? I hit both basketball shots first shot.

I hit soccer, I think, second. And I also had a very easy sparkle. Like I said, I had a sparkle that was, like, name the NFC teams. Yeah. At what point are you going to be like, this was a generational achievement by me? I think maybe, like, six months. Okay. Once everyone's like six months. Okay. Once everyone's gone a bunch of times.

It's insane. We have a few athletes. All right, let's spin the wheel, and then we'll see what we're going to tape tonight. Everyone will see it on Friday before. I feel like that was a good bar for duos. That was a great bar for duos. I think so, yeah. Duos is fun.

Great idea, Titus. It was almost perfect. I mean, it wasn't almost perfect, but it was almost perfect. Yeah. Soccer, biggest hole. Now, do we have to alternate, or does it matter? I think you do. Okay.

Because if there's a world where a guy is good at cornhole and soccer, in what world? I don't know. I don't know. That guy's a loser. Yeah, that guy's gay. Yeah, maybe we should all one day, if no one can even come close to touching Dan's record. I could do that all day.

Yeah. Yeah. Everybody but Dan is in on the team relay, and we're all trying to beat him. I think that definitely can be done. We pick one station. What could you guys have done faster? What did you mess up on?

Soccer. Sporkle, too. I missed a couple. Sporkle was slow. Runs. That wheel is nasty right now. Yeah. Whoa, ho, ho.

Mousetrap's fine. Mousetrap's got to come off. It's got to go on the name wheel. Oh, no, it's off. Oh, Ferone wants it on. No, no, no. We retired name? Mousetrap's fine. Mousetrap's got to come off. It's got to go on the name wheel. Oh, no, it's off. Oh, Ferone wants it on. No, no, no. We retired it yesterday. My finger is busted.

Roan trumps everything. He's the original member of the act, so. True. We had the Mousetrap finale. Ferone, would you like it on? Put it back on. Okay, it's on. I will burn this fucking building to the goddamn ground.

I like that, Roan. There goes YouTube. It's Roan. You can blame Roan. All right, we'll see everyone. Where do you think you are, Ahmed Muhammad? All right, we'll see everyone tomorrow. It's the act. See you tomorrow. Bye.