The Yak - Sas Breaks Down The Perfect College Dorm | The Yak 4-13-22

Episode Date: April 13, 2022

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Hey Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. I should try this. Sasha, your hair's almost all the way back. I know, right? I'm going to shave it again. I'm going to shave it again at some point. Yeah. When Dave doesn't give you another raise.

Probably. No, I actually would like to shave it soon. How's everyone doing? Calm before the storm. Rone is playing a game of chess. He texted and was like, I'm not feeling well. Supposedly. It's a rook move.

Yeah, which is kind of convenient the day before we all have to do a case race. He's making the lines move. No, that's just more for Nicky. You guys know I like to get twisted before Easter, before my guy comes back. Your homie, Asus? How about you step off this matter, Mr. Guilty? How about you chill out?

Oh, man, KB, nice tee. Yeah. What happened? I wore it last week on this day. I got to get my reps in before I give it away. Oh, so the price goes up? Everyone wants it. We'll be doing a giveaway of the King of Prussia.

Insane how many people want this. King of Prussia Apple Store. That was a $65 t-shirt. You've seen that video where you only paid $65? Apple stuff goes for like $200 now. I know. I got a great deal. It's Kansas.

$65 in Kansas. It might as well be a grand anywhere else. That's an insane price in Kansas. Low shipping, right? No, I mean, it should have been more. Low shipping to Kansas. Oh, yeah. How did that end up there?

Love to know its story. A fellow bought it himself for himself in L.A. Oh. In L.A.? Jeez. Shirts should have the card on the back when you check out a library book. See where it's at. It should be, like, when they track sharks.

Yeah, tag them. Tag them. Tag this shirt. Where's the alien mask? Yeah. Remember the backstory with the alien mask? There used to be some dollar bills. We bought it.

A.B. bought this $250 alien mask. Oh, I saw that. And you went to the bathroom when you got to the... $250. We all knew he brought it. But we were... It was for a sketch that we were going to do, but then Kyle brought it to Kansas.

He thought he was being sneaky. No. And then he left it there. You guys did not know I was putting it on, though. $100 million. You had that giant ass... Actually, in the vlog, aren't you guys like, KB's putting on the alien mask you guys like You're sneaky by nature

Not on purpose You're a sneaky person Yeah there he goes When you try to be sneaky It's probably obvious But your vibe is sneaky $250 Yeah you did bring raspberries

In your luggage as well You're always sneaking around Katie Raspberries were a surprise. Yeah, you did bring raspberries in your luggage as well. Nice. You're always sneaking around, Katie. No. Oh, is that the airport that's, like, small as fuck? Kansas City, yeah. Oh, it's the worst airport in America. That airport is insane. That or St. Louis.

It has one terminal. Missouri's got one and two. I can't remember St. Louis' airport. It might as well be a bus stop. Kansas City stuck out because it was a Greyhound bus stop. Yeah. From when you land, the gate to the front door is like 100 feet. Yeah.

And then we got there too early for our flight home, and you're stuck at the gate for a few hours, and there's nowhere to go. Yeah, there's nothing. They don't have a restaurant. We got there at like 7. There was nothing open. You're like, Kenton.

I've done two airport reviews. I bet you the Branson airport is better than those two. Madison airport's way better. Oh yeah, you came out on the, you lived every child's dream coming out on the luggage thing. Oh yeah, laying on it. Yeah. And I slowed it down though. I'd be afraid it would give you a little pinchy.

Yeah. Oh, I was afraid that it would just stop because it would be like too much weight. Oh. When I get on a treadmill that I can't trust, which you guys, none of you fellas know about that. Every treadmill you guys have ever been on, you've trusted. Yeah, this dickhead does. Rico. Yeah.

He's an offensive brute. Did you see the article about Rico? What about it? No. Two new little kids. Oh, my God. No way. Wow.

That is hilarious. It is very funny, too. And I think this is more like a credit to our fans, thinking that we have, like, more power than we do. Because we knew, like, that Raising Cane's was opening Times Square months and months ago was the plan. And then we went down to Louisiana, did a Raising Cane's ad, which was awesome. The guy Todd, who owns it, is a fucking man. And then a re-announcement happened.

Everyone's like, Arstool did it again. Yep. You know what? Arstool saved Raising Cane's. Yeah, I'll fucking take credit for it. Fuck it. You know what? I'll take credit for it. R-Stool saved Raising Cane. Yeah, I'll fucking take credit for it. Fuck it. Got it to the big city.

You saved it. I did. It is so delicious. I've never had it. The cane sauce is wild. The bread is so good. What the hell is Pete laughing at? You know you can buy a single tender and buy two pieces of toast,

butter both sides? Yeah, Bob. Yeah, Pete's crying laughing. I would be pissed. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa whoa I've never seen Pete laugh like this Pete is crying laughing What is going on What is going on

Get this man in here That's the most emotions I've never seen Oh my god he's showing his teeth I'm getting the same sensation when you see like your dad's dick As a child Right He doesn't know how to laugh

Especially as an adult When's the last time you guys saw your dad's dick? Been a long time. Probably about... Speaking of dad dicks, what's so funny? Adam and Eve. Can we see it? Can we see what you're laughing at?

We've never seen you laugh like that. Marty. Marty. You got to be in here too, Pete. Yeah, I want to see you react. Marty, what are you getting Pete to laugh about? How'd you get him to do that? It was probably like a Minions meme.

What was that? Wait, come here, Pete. Pete, Pete. It was just Quigs made a, I don't know if it's out yet, but Quigs made a video of like a news anchor talking about like a tornado in Long Island and it was just loud Sean fucking going around. He loves the loud Sean stuff. You love the loud Sean stuff.

Can you send that to TJ right now? I want to watch it. All right, yeah. I want to see Pete. Pete, sit down. I want to see you laugh. No, I want to... We want to capture that laugh.

I did not like that. He's an ugly laugher. No ugly criers. Pete's an ugly laugher. Because he doesn't... It's not natural. Right. He's like jerking his whole body.

His body when a dog throws up. Yeah, yes. Every cat has a hairball. Yeah. It arches its back. He's like jerking his whole body His body the dog throws up Yeah Yes Every cat has a hairball Yeah It arches its back That was what Pete was doing laughing Swaying his whole body Pete's probably laughed a hundred times in his life

Yeah It's the best medicine So wait when was the last time you guys saw your dad's dick? That's a really good question For a long time It's been a really long time Months 30 years? Months No it's probably been So wait, when was the last time you guys saw your dad's dick? That's a really good question. For a long time. It's been a really long time. Months. 30 years?

Months. No, it's probably been... 30 years probably for me? Probably been 24 years. Seven or eight feels about? Yeah, probably 20. Yeah. Or maybe not 20, probably like 19 years.

We should check in on our dad's dicks, see how they're doing. Nah. Anytime I ever saw my dad's dick... Eh, no thanks. Boy, you think it's Anytime I ever saw my dad's dick. No thanks. Boy, you think it's gay to look at your dad's dick? That's where you came from. It's not gay. That's your home.

Yeah, shit. Anytime you ever see it, it's like when they're on the toilet and it's just like a black hole. Yeah, it doesn't have an exact shape. No, yeah. It's like a reverse spotlight. Like looking at a Rorschach test. It's like, what am I looking at?

What is this? It's like a lava lamp. I've never seen my dad's dick. Yeah, you have. Yes, you have. That's not true. Yes, you have. Yes, you have.

There's two type of guys. There's guys who have seen their dad's dick and remember it To some extent of Oh Get in here Oh wait let's not do this Guys who have seen their dad's dick Yeah

Jeff D welcome back There are more than two To an extent So extreme where trauma has diminished all memories. So you're saying it's pretty much all I saw in my time? You want to sit down? Here, why don't you go get your bag? Put your bags down and come back.

Put your bags down. Come back. Wait a second. There's two types of people. People have seen their dad's dick and died. And also, I was going to say, Owen, as a father of a toddler, it's impossible that you have not seen it. You might not remember it.

I saw it on my dad's dick. Oh, wait. So wait. Show us what it's like on the outside looking in. It's very bizarre. So what was your son's reaction? He just stands and watches me shower, and he goes, Dada, pee in the shower?

And he just sits there and watches me. I'm just like, dude, go. I give him his iPad. This has happened a few times where it's like, you know, there's different parenting back and forth, and it's like, I'm like, all right, I'll take him. But it wasn't. Give him the iPad, sit him in my bed, go to take a shower.

Maybe 30 seconds later, he's just standing like in there, like as close to being in the shower without getting in the shower, staring at me. Wait, so you're peeing in the shower while he's watching you? Well, yeah. My shower is like one of those fancy rich people showers. It's like my shower is the size of Sass's bedroom. Your shower has two rooms. Yeah.

So your son's pre-K. So the memory will stick with him for life, except it won't be in the shape or the image of a traditional dick. So I got to reintroduce my dick to him later? As he grows, it'll just be like, in his mind it'll look like how the Charlie Brown teacher sounds. Wow. Not quite a dick. Yeah.

But something. I vividly remember the first adult penis I saw. It's always brown. It's always the YMCA. Yeah, it's always the YMCA, and it's always darker than the body it's attached to. Why is it always so dark? It takes you back because, I don't know,

you've never seen a dick that big. Yeah, the old guy at the gym who's just like. Always using perfume. I don't give a fuck. Yeah. Oh, yeah. We're always kind of half circumcised. And they're also like, they don't, they like almost avoid towels.

Yeah, it's really. Like, they're like, they have a towel by the locker, and then they'll leave it and be like, oh, I forgot something over by the sink. Like, I'm not going to use this towel. Yeah, the confidence, like, that happens at the gym that I go to now, and it's like, dudes will be, like, drying their hair, just like acid.

I would never do that. I think that comes with age. We'll get to you in a second. Finishing up adult penises. Jeff. I'm excited to see how kids with lesbian mothers grow up with never-seeing. And kids with literal dickless dads That's the next generation

Next generation of dickless dads Like just having this conversation And one of us is like Do you guys remember the first time you saw your mom's pussy Which one That is so much more rare So much worse There is only a

I saw Speaking of gender i saw fucking you know when like twitter is very political now there's a lot of hot topics but sometimes someone right or left will just nail a meme and you're like dude i don't agree with this meme but if you nailed it it was a wolf wearing makeup, and the wolf was saying, I just want to talk to these chickens about their gender. Dude, you nailed that. You got that meme, yeah. Fuck yeah.

If you're figuring out which side you land on this, and you see that, you're like, oh yeah, those are wolves. The Law and Order guy should make a series out of that. I just respect a good meme that's a good dick wolf joke kyle i met dick wolf what what wait is that his name what's he look like it sure is is he created law and order he also worked for espn oh that'd be surprising who did? Oh, that'd be surprising. That'd be an upset, I feel like, if he was also the ESPN

guy. That's Dick Wolf. You mean Dick Schaap? I do not mean Dick Schaap. Alright, I do not mean Dick Wolf. Strike that from the record. You gotta get him on PMT. Dick Wolf. That guy looks like a combination of Harvey and...

Is he covered in grime or Mediterranean? I don't know. He is definitely a junkyard Harvey Weinstein. He's a splot. He's a Harvey. His one picture did have like a... He's got a lot of tones. He's Harvey Weinstein without the rape.

He's hewed up. It's the best kind of Harvey Weinstein. Yeah, it's my favorite kind. He has the classic old man nose. What's up, Most? Thatstein. Yeah, it's my favorite kind. He has the classic old man nose. What's up, Most? That is. Yeah, he does. That nose has done a lot of cocaine and gotten hit a few times in the face.

But you can tell that's a nose that uses a hanky. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Just a loud blow. Man's got hanky. I never understood those. It's covered in snot. It's disgusting.

It's not made of a technological fabric. I think it's the sound. You didn't get a sound. I wouldn't be shocked. You know how the match came after the lighter? The lighter was invented first. Wait, what? Yeah, the lighter was invented before the match.

How is that possible? I think it was the tissue invented before the hand. There's no way that's true. Yeah, it's true. That was back when I went to college. We had a coach. He was really famous and did some shit, and then he died. Oh, yeah, I know that.

People used to say that he was older than sliced bread. That was what everyone used to say. Speaking of which, that's why we brought you on, Jeff D. Lowe, back in the office. Did you see the new rape case about the Penn State player? No, I did not. Terrific. It happened in the 90 seconds that I walked into the building. It happened yesterday.

Well, it happened in 1977, but it was a horrific story that ESPN put out. TJ, can you fact check the lighter match? How would that be possible? I don't know. It's a crazy little place. I don't believe you. Ben Franklin didn't have a lighter. You said he didn't have matches?

I think the lighter was invented before the match. I could believe Nick. The match is out. There we go. But isn't a match just like a well-done old stick and fire stick? Same year? I don't know. Isn't that the same exact year?

Match 1827. 1827 match. Lighter. Lighter. What a decade that must have been. That must have been the best decade. What a war. I'm thinking Zippo when you say lighter.

It was the same concept. Nothing blows up likely. I'm going to throw out an apology to my boy Nick. Thank you. My bad, bro. I could definitely see the tissue thing, though. I could see them trying to modernize the tissue and just make it way worse. Yankees are disgusting.

Usually monogrammed. Yes. And then you blow it, and then you put it right back in your sleeve. So pocket or back pocket. So, Jeff, good to see you. Welcome back. I actually saw these two yeah so get the fuck out of here we both got sick ordered the red snapper at rainforest cafe

and got sick yeah it was gross for sure fun experience though yeah it was wild i it was the longest seven day trip to la of all time yo Yeah. That's right. That's February 4th. And I for seven days and I just got back and then I began in four days for another month. So, yeah. He's for what next week. And then we have. I mean, I feel like people could put the dozen together. Yes.

So what? Another show we're shooting. So Deshaun Watson, better guy than football player. Definitely not. Yeah. It's excited to to figure out how I tweet about the Browns next year. That'll be fun. Just tweet, dude. Just do what Steelers fans do.

You have a problematic college. You have a problematic pro team. Where did you go to middle school? What did I do? The first day I just didn't tweet about it. Then I was like, all right, I'm going to tweet about the Browns again. Well, then, yeah. I mean, the old QB is a dickhead.

He's talking now on Twitter. That happened, actually, while this show was going on. Wait, who? Baker said in his interview, his podcast dropped, he said, I want to go to people who work in cubicles and boo them and watch them crumble. Yeah, that always works. That always works, that analogy, when it's like, well, and you also get paid hundreds of millions of dollars.

A little bit different. A little different than the guy who's making $45K working middle management. Yeah, if you made like $20 million in a cubicle. Yeah, I think I'd be fine with getting booed. First off, Baker Mayfield showed up to your work. Right, he'd be like, cool dude, doesn't bother me, I'm making $20 million a year. How was your day today? It was fucking weird.

Baker Mayfield showed up. Quarterback. Started booing me, so it making $20 million a year. How was your day today? It was fucking weird. Edgar Mayfield showed up. Quarterback. Started booing me. So it's good to have you back. Yeah, it's good to be back. Missed you. Chicago next week. Then we have another thing after that.

And then the Dozen tournament. Say it. Crazy. I don't know. We haven't officially announced it. That's been odd. Yeah. Actually, I want to get in trouble.

What is it? The America show? Well, you just said it. Yeah, you just said it. Yeah, the fucking... We have actually a few shows coming up that are going to be sick. Sick. If Barstool Idol, we have like a fear factor kind of show.

Yeah. I might be ruining everything. Hank's going to get very mad at me. And then we have the... What was the show called? Barstool vs. America. Barstool vs. America. Crazy.

Great cast. The rumor is it's duos this year. Great cast. I won't say... Oh, there's a plot twist. Yeah, Chicago next week, which we don't know who it is yet. We're going to phone in for't say oh there's a plot twist chicago next week which there's we don't know who it is yet phil and for dave but there's some cool names for that and then we're back and we do the dozen the actual so that's happening oh yeah when can't be it's like

the and then we'll have a 12 hour off yeah no no we are off we are then off for sure until september not coming back in July. Good. Good. End of season tournament is like this thing. It's like 16th through 18th, something like that. Yeah. May?

Yeah, and then tomorrow night, I guess. I can't make it. Just kidding. Chicago doesn't. Going nowhere. Rumors swirling around. We haven't talked to Kyle. We're going to road trip to Chicago and do a road trip video. Why?

We'll just fly. Okay. But what am I? I need to write my I'm writing this thing for tomorrow night. What thing? Oh, yes. Good thing you're here. Alright. That was my last question. So, tomorrow night

we're taping. It worked out. We were going to do it live. We did a vote. The fans. I've been watching the Yak more than ever because I've been watching at home. So, I watched that. Roan didn't very, which I don't blame him. I wouldn't want to be hung over doing that. Yeah, no. Basically, our schedules to get all of our schedules aligned is very, very difficult.

And it's also like asking everyone to get blackout drunk on a Friday afternoon. It definitely, like I personally, it would have sucked for me coming home and just being like, hey, I'm fucked up. So we're going to do it tomorrow night. Daddy's home. Daddy's home. Get the belt. We're going to do it tomorrow night. We're going to tape it, and it's going to premiere on Friday.

Which I actually think is way better. I'm going to dick like an Easter egg. The more I'm thinking about it, too, we could be here all night, which I think would be very funny. We're not going to have to be in on Friday. You know what I mean? So no one's going to be holding back. No one's going to be like, oh, I have to go do this thing on Friday night or Saturday.

We should try and go until Pick Central the next day. That would be awesome. That would be hilarious. That would work out for me. So anyway, the... Who's that? I don't know. I've already seen like five people I've never seen in my life

I've walked into this living god for two months She used to work here Is that Alita? Yeah that is Alita That's why I was like what the fuck I wasn't Lear Okay So tomorrow night

So we're doing the case race It's teams of two The booth is going to be a team of three With a 30 rack With a 30 Or cotton Yeah they're going to be a 30 rack How aren't they the favorites?

Like that just They have to do six more beers And they also They have to do six more beers with one 30 rack. With a 30 or cotton. Yeah, they're going to be 30 rack. How aren't they the favorites? Like, that's just statistically better off. Because they have to do six more beers. And they also, like, they have to do six more beers with one extra person. Half a guy.

Six more, yeah. That's donezo. No, but... Zah boozes. Well, the other part I would say is they... One is 10 pair, one is 12 pair. They have to actually kind of work. Like, TJ has to work during it, right?

Yeah. Zah does too. Yeah, but Che doesn't do anything during the show. He even does nothing. Wait, I forget. Are you doing zips? Yeah.

Okay. I think that's going to be harder. I love that. Oh, yeah. I think that's a fair that they have less beers because they actually have to work. Like, we can just drink. Like, TJ has to actually drink. Yeah, I know.

All right. So, anyway. Losing team eats an entire cake. Losing team eats an entire cake or pizza. It was pie or pie. Any sort of pie. Pie or pie. One of those is significantly easier than the other.

Yeah. Pizza. I think I've done the pizza one. Or you can get out of it if you do the first 30 digits of pie after your 18 years. 30? No. Not happening. 3.1428767432789. You just said my social security number. 3.1428767432789.

You just said my social security number. Yep, and Jerry's credit card. I know the first, like, 20. We don't care. That was a joke Owen and I had planned. Yeah, well, if you guys are wanting to hear it. It's like live, very simple. Yeah, so there's going to be two teams.

So there's four teams total. Dana's going to be here as a vibes guy. He can't lose because we want him to just – he's doing the whole case himself, which is very, very funny. So when the team that wins finishes their 24th beer, whichever two teams have the least amount of beer left will be the two losers, and they will go off in a trivia competition hosted by Jeff D. Lowe, and the loser of the trivia competition will then have to eat a full pie

and the show won't end until that pie is eaten. But it doesn't have to be traditional trivia. It can be riddles. Yeah, we want it to be not traditional trivia. You said you used the word logic. Yeah, like fifth, sixth grade shit. Or just like there's a boat on this side of the river and this person weighs 20 pounds.

I think easy questions with a strict timer would be funny. You know what I mean? Like easy questions, but like we're very, very strict that like if you can't answer it in 30 seconds, it's like done. So I will form it. When I show up, we will say I have a dinner tomorrow. And so I may show up drunk. I would guess, if I had to guess, I would say that we'll need the trivia somewhere around

10 o'clock. Yeah, that seems perfect. Maybe even later. 10, 10.30. What time are we starting? 8. Oh, okay. Yeah, that makes sense. We have the face painter coming earlier, so we've got to be here earlier. So everyone's going to be face painted to start the show. Not the same face painter.

I want to go to a buffet with the boys beforehand. Also, the face-paint, I'm demanding every team has to think of a theme. So your face-painting, your team has to be... We'll do Batman. Famous duos. I'll be Rob Duos. I'll be Joker. Phil.

We won't even be Batman. Phil and April Margera. That's me and Ron are going to do Phil and April. Yeah, that's easy to do. My favorite duo. Easy paint job. I'm going to are going to do Phil and April. Yeah. Yeah, that's easy to do. My favorite duo. Easy paint job. It's going to be Seal. KB and Owen.

Seal and Heidi Klum. You guys should be KB and Owen should be Will Smith and Chris Rock. I think that's good. That would be good. We could be KB and Nick if you want. Oh, that's good. KB and you? Okay.

I'll be KB. KB, the little goatee. How many should I come up with? I think six rounds Yeah Then obviously a couple extra In case there's a tie Yeah

The half dozen The half dozen And I don't Yeah I mean you can do We can run it the same rules Like you know Steals and everything

Okay No lifelines or anything like that It will just be straight up And you'll be You'll be asking the questions If you can If you have the time To make it so that we can put it visually up as well. I'll at least do that. I would like to come do it as well, but I'll make it so TJ can throw it up.

Okay, great. If we could have lifelines of Phone-A-Friends, it would be very funny to FaceTime when we're super hammered someone and ask a trivia question very late at night. Okay, yeah, so you get one lifeline. I also think you could stop the timer if you're puking. So you could do a strategic puke where the timer stops. But if you throw up, I thought you were disqualified. It's already over.

No, no, you're not out if you throw up. The case race, yes, you are. Oh, really? Yeah. Is that a new rule? Oh, that's a rule that I figured, like we're obviously, we don't want to promote, like, really bad.

Like, I think just drinking is fine, but if, like, we're puking and they're like, oh, keep drinking. So if you throw up, you're out. If you throw up from booze, you're out. Nick's not breathing. Is your team done and died, dude? Or is just that person prohibitive from contributing? That person, correct. All right. Still have to eat the cake or pizza. Let's spin the wheel while Jeff is here. Just get wet from contributing? That person, correct. All right.

Still have to eat the cake or pizza. Wait, let's spin the wheel while Jeff is here. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just get wet wheel. He has to do it. That would be a bummer. That would be a bummer. That would really fucking suck.

That would be a real shame. Don't worry. It won't be. Well, we could get slap wheel again, too. We did slap wheel. We're doing a hard knocks for the dozen. Oh, yeah. The season term.

We're starting filming that today. Oh, cool. Two episodes. One the first week of the tournament. And then the finale the second week. So maybe I'll look wet for that. Be a real bummer. Little Easter egg.

Alright, let's spare it. I don't like that starting point ever. I have to defend Kyle on Boba being very normal for Troyo. It's one of the most... It's gross. We are going to... The other thing is, Jeff, we are going to be spinning the wheel every hour tomorrow, which I still don't know how that's going to...

Yeah. What do we got? Yeah, we just tinted... Trying to keep the police off our ass. Yeah. Didn't stop you from coming in. Yeah. Wait, every hour during the...

During the show tomorrow night, we're going to be spinning the wheel so you could get wet. That's fine. Anyone who's in the room at that time. Yeah, that's fine. All right. All right.

Good seeing everyone. Good to see you. See you, Jeff. Glad you're back. Great to have Jeff back. Found a barber in Austin. I did. Yeah.

Okay. My Austin barber. I was like, man, this is kind of expensive, but I wonder why. And he cuts, like, Sark's hair, all like the Texas football. So, good barber. Spent way too much money for a cut that no one saw except for, like, a tiny window on the dozen. No, it's my ML. That's my brand.

Brand. You got to keep it 100. Some cost at this point. I'm not cutting my hair until I turn 35. How old are you? 29. We'll see what happens. That would be cool.

I mean, you had long hair a while ago. I guess. Not six years worth. No. When you say we see what happens, I mean, your hair will get long. Who's to say?

Yeah. Right. Yeah, true. Absolutely. Good point. Everybody. Yeah. We're all to say.

Yeah, yeah, I guess so. Will you shave it after six years? Don't know. It's a long time. True. I'd be fucking dead. You might be. Statistically,

one of us will. No. Statistically. Statistically one be. Statistically, one of us will. No. Statistically. Statistically, one. Wait, for real? Yes. One of us will get hit by a bus. Shit.

We also have Frank is going for the Hot Dog King crown tomorrow. What a day. Does he know that? Oh, wait, so we're doing a normal show still. Yeah, a 1 o'clock, normal show. And 8 o'clock's Friday's show. Yes. All right.

Then next week in Chicago, we're going to do a normal show, normal time on Tuesday, and then we'll tape an extra hour for Wednesday. Are we doing a normal show Monday? Monday, yeah. Okay. Mm-hmm. Very excited. I cannot get over the odds of this case race

It makes no sense Tass and I should not be favorites Yeah we should I mean you're going up against three Like somebody has 33% more people Nick and Rowan are my favorites What? As human beings

Oh thanks Hell no No dude Nick drinks so much Nick juice Remember that? Remember my Nick juice? Yeah, I do remember that. But I don't think it's about the... Those are different beasts.

Yeah, you're right. This is more about capacity. You were so drunk for that. That was so funny. I think everyone should have to drink the same beer, too. Oh, really? I was going to say we should get Dana something super strong. Yeah, we need to get him IPAs.

All right, all right. I'm going to propose something. You can shoot it down. Can I just drink percentage worth in IPAs. Alright, I'm going to propose something. You can shoot it down. Can I just drink percentage worth in IPAs? No. So, can I do like half? The whole hard part is

liquid. One is, you said we could shoot it down. You said a Bud Light's what, like four and a half percent? That would be like, hey, guys, you guys can shoot it down. If I just pounded ten ounces of tequila to start, would I be done? That's a little different. So what were you thinking, like a six of IPAs?

I think it would be like if I found like a 12% beer. Like a Chimay? No. No, because, yeah. You could do an IPA case race at a later point. That'd be funny. I think we should be able to get, I think we should have a variety of beers. I think it's better if we do it all the same

because then it's a common denominator. We could do a reel for the beers we're drinking. Oh, that sucks. Even if it's some weird-ass beer? Yes. Someone will care about that? It's got to be in cups. It would have been awesome if we had some super shitty ones in there.

Just a big ass cooler. I don't think that would be awesome. I think it would be fun. Can we play drinking games? Let's just focus on getting those 12 down by the table. Yeah, I think we should bring in a little table. Yeah. Someone's going to jump through it.

Yeah. On the Barstool Instagram. How do you think you're going to drink, Sass? Are you going to be able to do all 12? I think I had 12 beers last night. Whoa. Yeah. Really?

Yeah, we went out pretty crazy. We got pretty crazy last night. Where did you guys go? Where is the place we went originally? Where did you go? Tavern on the JN. Oh, yeah. And then we went to another bar.

Fuck yeah. That's so sick, dude. The line has just moved to Big Cat and Sass plus 115. What? Let's go Based on new information Who moved it? Frank last night? Who moved the line?

The person who created it So you You're a terrible bookmaker I think we're gonna do I think we're gonna do well I'm gonna do well I think we're gonna do well Sorry I gotta be a good teammate

You're being a bad teammate I'm going to be a bad teammate If you don't hold up I'm gonna be a good teammate. You're being a bad teammate. I'm going to be a bad teammate if you don't hold up. I'm going to be so mean. I have no problem saying that I will be viciously mean to you if you're not pulling your weight. I hope he just gets the flu and pukes after the first sip. Just like a regular sick puke.

I would suck so much. Oh, man. I'm super excited. I'm very excited. It's your birthday. It's your fucking birthday. You want me to get clear cups so we can see where people are at? Yes, I think so.

I think they've got to be big clear cups. Yeah. ECCs. And maybe markers that we can just tally on your cup. So people have another visual. A stick and poke tattoo gun would be fun. Yeah. Yeah, we should get a...

We're going to get... I'm just excited for the face paint because us all face painted during this is going to look so ridiculous. And we'll get cigs. Yeah. What are...

TJ Cigars. You're kind of a narc for even asking that. Step off, bro. I want to be Siegfried and Roy. I want to be both of them. And Roan is both the tigers. Famous duos.

Ren and Stimpy. We could be Ren and Stimpy. Hold on. You move too fast. What if this face painter is like, I don't know any of these. How do you paint these? All I do is. Oh, SpongeBob and Patrick.

Let's do that. Yeah. I want us to do the Joker, though. The face painter seems to have a lot in her repertoire. Okay. If you do Joker, maybe I'll do Bane. We should have gotten a professional makeup artist. She's pretty good.

To transform our faces. Dude, if we get those eyes. The more ornate they're going to be, the more time we're going to need. So let's get that planned out by tomorrow morning. Okay. Okay. Do we have someone who's going to videotape behind the scenes? I'll talk to Rudy.

Yeah. Let's make sure we have that. Look at this. I'm so excited, boys. Just getting drunk with the boys. It's going to be super fun. I'm pumped. It's been long overdue.

Yeah, it's going to be great. What are you going to say, Steve? Can we eat during it? I don't see why not. Okay. Just like salty snacks. Nosh. I'm thinking about maybe wings or something like that.

Yeah, that would be awesome. Wings and Fritos. I'll order a bunch of food, but yeah, you can do whatever you want. Cool. It'll take up space. That's cool. Hang with the boys. Hell yeah.

Hell yeah, bro. Che's going to look at a strategy. We should just fast forward, right? I know. What are we doing right now? What are we even doing here? I just want to be there. I want to be drunk with my friends. I mean, what are we even doing here? I just want to be there. I want to be drunk with my friends.

I mean, what are we doing? What the fuck are we doing right now? There's a lot of kids that grew up seeing their dad's dick, but I think there's the amount of kids that have seen their mom's pussy low. I think there's more kids who have a syndrome where their skin sheds than have seen it. Than have seen us. I seen my gay dad's dick a couple months ago, to be honest, when he was taking a bath and I didn't know he was in there. How do you not know he's in there?

That was a PM. Aptic is just bad dick. Aptic is a strange one to see. He's just floating right now. Even your own. Yeah. Erectionless. Zero hair.

Yeah. Yeah. Shaved head to toe. Not me. Not you? All these chicks showing up. What the fuck? This is Barstool Sports.

Nah, this ain't it. Barstool Shopping. Yeah, nice. This isn't the Barstool Shopping Network. Nice. Now we have another one of those coming out. We got part one of it done until 8 p.m. last night. So that was cool.

Tune in for that. I just want credit. I was so close to asking Jeff D. Lowe if he remembers seeing his dad's dick. But I didn't. Someone give me credit? It was tough. You had to really bite your tongue. That was nice. That must have been hard for you.

I do struggle with when's the right time to make jokes about death. What percentage of dad dick scene are in the basement shower? The shower that you have in the basement. That's where mine was. I don't think I had it. You related to nobody. That's where mine was. I don't think I had it. What? I don't think I had a shower. You related to nobody.

That was... It's also like, I don't remember any specific time I saw my dad's dick. It was always the basement shower because it was like a garage. It didn't have a curtain. I imagine the basement shower is just like concrete. Yeah, it is. It's concrete and it just has a shower head sticking out of the wall. Yeah, we didn't have one.

You guys didn't have that? No, but it also sounds like... Yeah, okay is. It's concrete and it just has a shower head sticking out of the wall. Yeah, we didn't have one of those. You guys didn't have that? No, but it also sounds like, yeah, okay. What? Yeah, no, no. That sounds a lot more horrifying. Yeah, right. Everybody has a shower in their basement. Come on down to my basement.

Just a drain and a shower head. You guys know that universal experience where you- I swear to God. No, you presented that in a way like people would agree with you yeah i thought it was like everyone like oh dude you're right and to be relatable i just imagine it's like pitch black in there and like it's always just like covered in stone just a door where like yeah the wall nick's like silhouette is seen say it's always like always was you're talking about your basement shower there's no curtain on the shower everybody had a basement

shower like that. That was the least relatable thing ever. On a scale of Michael Orr to Ellie Schnitt, that was like a brony. There will be people that'll reach out. They'll come out of the basement shower. Please reach out. The dad dick shower in the basement? Yes. Four minutes

to shower before you pass out. It was like when you came in from doing stuff in the lawn or on the farm. to shower before you passed out from car boom and off. It was like when you came in from like doing like stuff in the lawn or on the farm. Wrestling with your dad on the farm. Yeah. We didn't have a farm.

We had like a shower on the side of our house. We didn't have a farm. Yeah. Did he have a farm? In Moundsville. No, he didn't. What do you mean a farm?

He had a farm. Ew. In Moundsville. Ew. What was your crop? What was the crop? Yeah. Corn.

Cornfield. By the way, we should call Brandon. It's his birthday. It is. Brandon's birthday. I have something planned at 2 p.m. for his birthday. Oh, what is it? A little Twitter prank, a little joke.

Good to see him spending his birthday seething on Twitter. Let's call him, though, but we won't say anything about that. What is the... Oh, I guess you can't say it. If you follow Barstool stuff on Twitter, you'll see it. For the people at home. Love it. Nice little prank. It'll be everywhere.

It'll be on at least five accounts. Damn. God dang it. Five? You want me to put that, push that out and make it six? Did somebody take Brandon's old account, bwalksec or whatever it was? I guarantee it. Sure.

I want to see what they're up to. I think it takes like two weeks. Okay. What is he now? BFW is so pretentious. I hate it so much. I liked BWOC SEC. Oh, that's the new one?

Wait. That guy rocks. Oh, man. Whoa. Wait, go back? Who is this? Daniel Cormier? Who's he following?

Something's amiss. Oh, no. Something's amiss. Please leave a message. You know who did that? Something's up. That's hilarious. Sorry if we ruined something he was up to.

Yeah, that sucks. I like that. The only person they're following. Oh, man. How old is he? 47? Five, maybe? Three.

43? I think. I think he's been fudging those early 40 numbers. I feel like he's been 42 for like six years. I think he's 45, right? Because he's older than Dave, I think. I think he might be younger than Dave. Oof.

Whoa! Whoa! What was that oof for? It's a genuine one. Yeah, Dave is... That was an oof in the wild. Yeah. Yeah, Dave is two years older.

I would have thought Brandon's a good amount older than Dave. Damn. He's not? No, I don't think so. I think he's younger. Dave is 45. Brandon is 43. I think I'm older than Pete, which always bums me out.

That's horrible. Pete's 26. I don't think you are. I'm pretty sure I am. Go ask Pete's age. No, you are. We did this already. Yeah, I was pretty sure we did. Yeah, I think I'm like a couple months older than him. Yeah. No, you are. We did this already. Yeah, I was pretty sure we did.

Yeah, I think I'm like a couple months older than him. Yeah. That sucks so bad. Such a bummer. It's going to suck when I'm here and I'm old now. There's a bunch of younger people. Yeah. Are you asking if it sucks for me?

Yes. Yeah, I'm just going to say it's going to be a weird feeling. Yeah, when Hank turns 30, it's over. When you're here or when your memorial poster is up? No, Hank turning 30, I've always said, is going to be the moment where I'm like, all right. Because I knew him when he was 18. Yeah, that's crazy.

Yeah, so. When does he turn 30? I think next year. Yeah. They have that Pat Tillman one in the hallway. They could put Sass right next to him. Sass next to Pat. Give him a plaque.

The friendly fire will be when you ask Roan to shoot you in the head. Yeah. Look at this. We got some packages. What's in the boxes? A lot of boxes. Boxes. That's the beer.

Someone got some Bonchum. That's one of the last simple thrills. It's a big box. So you're like, ooh, what is this? It's also great because Amazon, like you can order something and be there the next day. It's instant gratification. Yeah, but I miss forgetting about like, oh, if I could. Yeah, that's probably.

Best is to like unload on online purchases throughout a span of three days whilst blackout. Yeah, well, it works. Yeah, it does happen the other way. Then you just got GIFs coming in. This last week, I just had a shitload of UNC gear show up.

I just got the first Go-Gurt ad. What? For Go-Gurt. They got their first magazine advertisement. What? I ordered the first ever Go-Gurt ad.

They collect ads. Collect old ads. I got the first Go-Gurt. Some Revell shit. Yeah, it is. I have a couple. How did you get the first one? How much was that?

Like two bands. Ten racks. You just printed it. Yeah, I guess I could. It is eight and a half by 11. Fuck, I've never once thought of that. I've been buying them. How many ads do you have?

They actually do look sick. Hanging up, probably like 10 to 12. Can I see a picture? The Go-Gurt one? Yeah. Yeah, I just sent it. Well, this is the first Go-Gurt slurping win, so that's when you could win a Game Boy Advance.

I sent it to Kyle. He sent a picture of a gun back, and he said, kill yourself. It's just guy talk. You got like a Mountain Dew one right I have the first Baja Blast Yeah that one's sick That one is sick

That was a let down though We all like deified it I would definitely tell you to kill yourself after that What? How much was it? How'd you get that? It just looks like cum on the fucking That's not even like

That one's only 10 bucks I spent like the fucking... That one's only $10. I spent like $15 on mine. That one's probably not mint. Nah, that ain't mint. I'm with Nick here. I have a couple of framed SSX Tricky ads. That's a horrible ad. I know.

That's one you have? I have that hanging up. He just showed me. It's like cottage cheese all over the fucking Game Boy. Yeah, it would ruin the Game Boy. I don't know. My apartment has things. No, I like them.

They're cool. Thank you. Like planes. I'm not ready to say it's cool. I have planes hanging in my room. I'm over. I'm over. I'll show you my ads.

It's very Ravel. Yeah, a little bit. I think I have a little bit of that in me. Because I age. It's okay. Ravel, I know how Ravel fucking... He's going to end up making so much money off of Rosa Parks. Handcuffs or something.

What the fuck? Hear me out. You got to have things in your apartment. You do. I have a lot of things, but they're worth nothing. Yeah, but you have to have things that make your apartment yours. You have to turn your house into a home. That's true.

At our old apartment, I didn't have anything hanging up, and it felt like I was in an insane asylum. There's blank walls. What do you have now? Well, you don't have enough wall space. A pile of posters. Oh, really? Yeah.

Good for you. You got Bob Marley. You have enough wall space. A pile of posters. Oh, really? Yeah. Good for you. You got Bob Marley. You got Sean Belushi. Boondock Saints. Yeah. You got those two chicks kissing. Yeah. Yeah.

Periodic table of beers. That line for you. Pink Floyd asses. Yeah. I know you. Periodic table of beers. Albert Einstein sticking his tongue out. Yeah.

All the classics. That's how we should decorate the Yak studio. We should. All the classic books. Bob Marley. Mary Comics. Yep. Do they have

Newberry Comics for you guys? I don't know. Bob Marley. What are the other ones? I'm trying to think. Finish Your Beer. They're Starving. It's enough.

It's the Budweiser one, but it's like Buttweiser, right? Buttwiper. Buttwiper. And it's just like a girl's ass. A goth girl eating ice cream with fake tits.

It was a big one. There's a lot of ice cream ones. Breaking bad shit, but with weed. Ooh. Yeah, I forgot about the weed ones. Weed. The weed ones. We should just have a poster that says weed on it.

Yeah. That would be sick. Let everyone know we burned. Just in case they were wondering. We should all bring a poster to hang up in here. Tomorrow? Anytime. All right.

That sounds nice. Brandon has his corner. Yeah, fuck him. What the fuck is that? Let's turn this whole room into his office. Brandon's got his fucking shrine. He's the worst. Fuck this guy.

I hope he has a terrible birthday. We should all get a corner. There's like worst. Fuck this guy. I hope he has a terrible birthday. We should all get a corner. There's like two corners over there. Brandon was just retweeting people who were saying mean things to him in his DMs. Some of them were kind of funny. Yeah. They've evolved into just like DMing him mean things from their personal accounts.

Yeah. They don't care. It's like when Rico, whenever Rico blocks people, he just sends some fuck you and then blocks them. It's just very, very funny. Good tactic. Yeah. Psycho. All right, what else we got?

The house actually shook, and I've lived here my whole life. I've never had the house shake like that. Kevin O'Toole couldn't believe what he was witnessing outside of his Nassau County home on Saturday. People usually just... That's hilarious. Sounding like a train. It definitely sounded like a train going through my yard. Long Island's record tornado outbreak featured four touchdowns,

the first of which occurred right here in Levittown. We heard the noise go over us. It felt like it was a few seconds, but we just, you know, kind of just waited until we heard nothing. We heard a few thumps, which now we know what they were. Those thumps laid waste to us. Carol Nelson's home was unscathed across the street, but she saw the destruction unfolding. There was things flying past the please. It was very scary. And as we learned this past weekend, here on Long Island,

tornadoes can happen anywhere, any time of the year, if the conditions are right. The house, that's unreal. How embarrassed is Loud Sean in his new job? That's got to be brutal. I mean... You never really, like, this is how you leave Barstool.

It's like when tyler o'day and we were just motherfucking a building yeah that video leaves we're gonna make sure your your entrance to your new job is as embarrassing as possible i'm trying to think of where it would be funny like if i became like a priest or something what you guys would do yeah or what's What's next for people? I don't know I'm so excited to bash SNL When Sass is out of here Oh my god That's not gonna happen

You bashing SNL? That's what's not gonna happen? If you go to SNL We'll start We'll definitely start Lorne Michaels is a pedophile He'll be gone Oh

He'll take over? He'll take over No isn't he leaving in like a year? If SNL called you tomorrow, would you go? Leaving the earth, it's about time. You sucker. I don't really have like that much interest in working there, but if they called me and offered me a job,

probably it would be pretty cool to do that. Nah. I'd stay at the stool, though. It'd make it work. Yeah. Yeah, just do a residency At SNL Yeah

The podcast would still work Yeah I could pop in Oh thank you I'm sure me and Pete Would swing by here and there Skeet Yeah Is he still on SNL

Yeah I don't think he like Does it though Yeah he's not very good At like skits No He does songs. That's cool.

That's cool. Another chick. I'm into songs. You are? There's this new one I just stumbled on. This is just the calm before the storm. We're just all ready for tomorrow. This happens every time we plan something out.

Yeah, it's like, just get here. When we planned out the LA trip, for the first two weeks before, it was just episodes like this. Where we're like, imagine tomorrow's daytime episode. I know. Well, no, we have Tank. Oh, we have Tank. Tank and the hot dogs to save us.

That will be huge. That'll be good. Are you nervous he's going to beat your record, Steven? Not really. So he has to do 10 and a half. Yeah, 10'll be good. Yeah. Are you nervous he's going to beat your record, Steven? Not really. So he has to do 10 and a half, basically. Yeah, 10 and a third. I don't think he's going to. I don't think so.

I don't think he's a volume guy. No, I don't think he's going to push himself. No, you think, yeah. He's not going to. He doesn't have the will. But he did, I mean, he did 49 and a half, so. You pawned that half? Didn't Brandon do it?

Or no, Brandon didn't. Did Brandon? Brandon did it. Brandon did it? Brandon did it that was the best part about Frank just the idea that a half a nugget would have sent him over the edge he didn't even bother Brandon

he does what he wants he knows his limits, he knows his body so be it Brandon was like I'm scared at how normal I feel yeah he went home and had dinner. Yeah, that was just lunch. That was just a normal lunch for him.

Brandon should be so much fatter. Yeah, I wish he was. He thinks he's so cool. Is he going to be back? I don't know, but this is very funny. Him being like, I'm going to move to Starksville and nothing's gonna change it's like alright already we're doing the case race without him

like yeah he's back Tuesday which we won't be here so we won't show him till Thursday wouldn't he buy it he probably has to get like a fucking panoramic lens for what he's buying TJ what happened with Pick Central today? You just started the show. No one was here?

Nope. Solo show. No. Brandon's in Mississippi. Rico and Marty had an interview. Mincy's in North Carolina playing poker. Big Ev was late. Megan lives in Louisiana.

And I don't know where Smitty was. Rico sat down next to me today, and he was like, that Mincy guy, he's crazy. I was like, huh? Pot. Here's kettle. I thought I was transported into a different realm when he honestly was like, yeah, he's just crazy. Dude, you are the craziest person we have. Wait, Mincy's back.

Is he back down south? Yeah, I think he had enough in New York. One week. He went to North Carolina, though, to gamble? To play in a World Series of Poker event. I think he saw that shooter on the train. Put out a tweet. I'm out of here.

Yeah, he tore his back. Didn't have a tweet yesterday. That was quite something. What was it? Well, he was doing a Grateful Dead lyric, so I recognized it. But it was like right after it happened. Oh, my God. He was like going to hell in a bucket.

At least I'll enjoy the ride. And he quote treated like. Is he referring to the shooting? Yeah. Oh, he's happy. What do you mean? He was happy. Yeah.

Did he make it about him? He did. He was happy? He was happy. Yeah. Did he make it about him? He did. Yeah. He was happy that he was out. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I mean, he's bringing... They haven't caught that guy, right?

No. Did you get that alert this morning? Yeah, that was scary as fuck. That was the loudest thing. That and... I'm not complaining. The guy dropped his credit card. No way.

Fuck it. Yeah, that's how they found him. That's how they know who it is. Dropped his credit card after he was running away how do they not have security cameras in subways we're all down makes you think jesus she has youtube videos oh yeah i didn't really understand them but seems like this was planted wait he had like a active youtube channel yeah yeah like the fbi had known about him oh there was like some video that he posted saying basically like white people and black people shouldn't be associating.

And then we had like another 10 minute rant and I didn't really pay attention. Huh. But apparently he like posted a video like the day before it happened. But he's been posting videos for a while. He's got like 10 million subs. No. What? He's like 62, isn't he?

Yeah. It was actually very funny because besides the part that he's a black man, I was reading the description and it was like Jersey Jerry. It was like 5'5", stout, wearing a sweatshirt

and a construction vest. And I was like, uh-oh. Uh-oh. Fingers were crossed. Another race, another race. Jersey Jerry just running around with his construction vest. He did say he sent me a picture from Florida.

He looks like he's having a great time. His back is nice and smooth. I didn't know he's in Florida. Yeah, he's on vacation. I said he's burnt to a crisp. You guys get the things you miss update on email? No. From Mike Erica.

The headline, it was subway shooting at NYC stop, and then the subject was Gilbert Godfrey dead at 67. I did enjoy Jerry Thornton just being a day late to Gilbert Godfrey. That was funny. I don't think he was just on the internet yesterday. He was taking a day off. This morning at like 9 o'clock was like Can like we have one day without one of our comedians Like heroes dying

Yeah but we have a handful I want to be like Maybe it probably would be today Today's probably a good day Yeah Yesterday was the day It is crazy how many big comedians have died recently This is like a premonition

What are you doing? Are you still want to get in this? Foreshadowing something? No it's great Don't don't don't Comedians don't treat their bodies that great They'll have like 12 beers on a fucking Tuesday But it was

And then 12 more on a Thursday Yeah Bad bad You should actually die Sass Because then people will be like Yeah we're losing all the greats. Bob Saget, Gilbert Cobb. Yeah.

It comes in three. Yeah. Now's the time. I know. Maybe tomorrow I'll do all 24. I don't think that would kill you. My body can't handle that. I don't think you're going to be able to do 12.

I know I'm going to be able to do 12. You're going to let me down. I'm already getting ready. I think you're going to let me down. I'm going to be so mean if you let me down. I'm already getting ready. I think you're going to let me down. I'm going to be so mean if you let me down. Fine by me. You better not be mean

because that's going to bring my vibes down. I'm not going to want to drink anymore. Oh, so I got to be like a... Yeah. I got to have good vibes. Get on the ass, coach. I got to have good vibes. Do it, do it.

No. You don't have to be... Just let me do my thing. You don't need to be like cheering me on. It's going to be tough to booze without any music. True. Oh, we could do some oh we could do some incubus we're definitely doing karaoke yeah we'll do some karaoke for sure on me not nick cj can you tell us what the brandon secret is now that we're like yeah it's four minutes away

we're gonna end the show in two minutes yeah let, let me pull it up, Paul. Yes. How was Craig Robinson yesterday? It was good. Yeah? Yeah. I was watching the clip about the snake. That was very funny. Yeah.

It was like it's a... It goes by a hot dog. Yeah. God, that wasn't a good... Yeah. That sounds fucking disgusting. Saying a snake is cute is something I could not even. Snake people are the weirdest people in the world. It's my least favorite animal.

Yeah. Those big ass snakes that are like this thick are so gross. No, it's just disgusting. We pet the largest snake in the world. Really? Yeah. Hated it. It was horrible.

He was like, yeah, he's like not in a good mood today. I was like, he's in a fucking glass box. Every day's a shitty day for this guy. He's pissed. He's like four times the size of it. Where was that? Arizona? Tucson, yeah.

You were being a pussy. No, I wasn't. How? You were just like... Is that true? Yeah. I was the one letting like... Is that true? Yeah. I was the one letting the ostriches bite me wherever. So what?

Ostriches are ostriches. This was the biggest snake in the world. Yo, bro, were you for real being a pussy? No, I wasn't. I got up right in the glass. Me went in this cave. Me and Donnie went in the tank. There was no tank.

We went in the exhibit. You're being a pussy. I don't like snakes. Yeah, but you have the opportunity to touch the biggest snake in the world. You do it. It wasn't the biggest in the world. That's what he said. How could anyone know that?

Measure it? How can anyone know it's the biggest? Yeah. The largest in captivity. Big difference. But still, I bet you there's some some captivities that are aren't known aren't public oh tj can you show that tweet from um hank last night uh from us from san francisco from six years ago i was laughing so hard at this because it's one of those uh

photoshops it's done perfectly did you guys see this no No. It was because the fam group text was very much. Is it active again? Back? Well, it is because Hank keeps sending us fucking pictures of his workouts. Want to add me in? Look at that. Look at that fam. That is the fam.

That gas. That's one of them. Yeah. That doesn't look like you at all, Big Cat. A lot skinnier. I love the idea of dudes collectively deciding when to take a group pic. I just love that we Photoshopped Dave to be shorter. It's so funny.

Oh, wait. I didn't notice. It looked real. He looks so short. No, he doesn't. Look at his legs, dude. He doesn't have shins. Yeah.

Is it Photoshopped? Yes, but it's a perfect one where it's like, you don't know. That's just the best Photoshop for when you just do it slightly. Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah, that was back in the day with the boys. I was skinnier. Glory days.

Glory days. Glory days. Pass you by. Before we started hiring all these fucking kids on a whim with a couple viral tweets. Not right, boys. Let me have Brandon on the phone. Oh. Oh. Brandon.

Hey. Happy birthday. Thank you, big cat. That means a lot coming from you. Is this a soundboard? Yeah. That sounds like it. No, hey.

Hey, guys. Happy birthday, Brandon. Happy birthday. Happy birthday, Brandon. Happy birthday, Brandon. Thank you, boys. Appreciate that, Seth. Means a lot coming from you.

Thanks, man. Wish I got one from you. Wait, is this the prank? Do we have a Brandon soundboard? Yeah. Hey, Brandon, who won the college football title this year? Thanks, big cat. It means a lot coming from you.

I'm starting to be convinced that it is This is awesome How'd you make this TJ? Incredible I'm not in on this It's actually Brandon Brandon what's up? You're acting Hey guys how are you doing?

Brandon how's's up? Good acting. Hey, guys. How are you doing? Brandon, how's your dog? He's good. I found him the other day. I found him at 7 a.m. in a Walmart parking lot. So this is Brandon. Yeah, it actually is. That was hilarious. That was really convincing, Brandon.

Brandon, that was great. No, I just got – I'm out at lunch. I just got lunch with Bradley Barton, and we're headed back to my hotel, and then I got to interview Mike Leach today, so big day for Brandon Walker. You got lunch with Bradley Martin? No, Bradley Barton. Oh, okay. That's an odd duo.

Brandon, I can't, that was incredible. The fucking, go back to soundboard, Brandon. I liked it better. Brandon, that was incredible. Go back to soundboard, Brandon. I liked him better. Thanks, big cat. That was so good. God damn. All right, anything else you want to tell us?

How old are you? I appreciate it. I hope you got what? What'd you say? How old are you? I am 43 years old. He's been 43 for so long. He's been 43. Hell no.

Hell no. He was only 42 for a tiny bit. Like Jackie Robinson. April 13th, 1979. That's 44, dude. So he's two years younger than Dave? It's still 2022, correct? Yes.

April 13th, 1979. That's 44. Yeah, you're 40. You're not counting your years right. I feel strongly that it's 43. I'm 43 today. Thank you, guys. I appreciate it.

The yak sounds awesome. I'm going to go to lunch. All right. See you, Brandon. Love you. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. I love you, Brandon.

All right, bye. Love you, Brandon. So when his dog ran away Do you think he was more worried About the dog Or us finding out Ah Yeah

It had to have been One of the first thoughts When he realized It wasn't there What When his dog ran away Was he worried about The dog or us

He was I called him When it was like Peak worst Situation And I was like Can can I help at all? And he's like, if you help, everyone's just going to make fun of me. And I was like, yep, you're right.

I did a dog hunt for my neighbor's dog one time, the whole block, for like six hours. And it was in her basement. What a bitch. Yeah. Was it in the shower? No. It wasn't in the shower? No. The shower basement. Was it in the shower basement?

You guys are fucking with me. Like every garage or basement. Oh, now it's a garage. Now you grew up in Chicago. Now you grew up in Chicago. Underground basement. All of a sudden you grew up in Chicago. Now it's a garage shower?

Walk in from the garage, the garage door, then there's the door to go into the basement. There's a shower. Always still left. It was Mr. Traney in the bathroom shower. Always Mr. Traney's a shower. Always still left. It was Mr. Traney in the bathroom. Always Mr. Traney's dick there. He bounces around. You meant that you had like a shower in

a basement. Like a bathroom. No, just like a shower. It's a shower for dogs. Is it in a corner or just somewhere? I could get a picture of it. I don't need it. My dad will probably be in there though Alright

Let's end the show That was great That Brandon Walker soundboard Yeah it was incredible How was he making That was very funny I guess his voice How the fuck was he doing that

That was incredible Every time he did It means a lot coming from you That was the funniest thing he's ever done Yeah it was good Wait a minute coming from you. That was the funniest thing he's ever done. Yeah, it was good. Wait a minute. What are you doing?

Somebody's on the hoot suite. God damn, you spammed the timeline. Oh, hell yes. That's hilarious. I want to look for some Easter eggs. Is that the airport he used to work at? That's just a trailer park. Okay. All right. Tomorrow, that's just a trailer park. Okay.

All right. Tomorrow, big day. Everyone get excited. Frank's going for a hot dog king at 1 o'clock tomorrow, and then we're going to do the case race. I can't wait. See you then. Whew. It's the act It's the act One love, y'all. See you tomorrow. Dimension symbol on TikTok.