The Yak - Sas is Back for an Intellectual Sydney Sweeney Debate | The Yak 10-11-23

Episode Date: October 11, 2023

Big BirdYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Yo, TJ, hold that up. All right. Yak. Wednesday brought to you by Roback. I got the Roback hoodie on right now. They got the best hoodies, polos, joggers. I think you're forgetting something. They got shorts i'll keep going

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Sass. Sass. How's it feel, man? Yeah, it feels great. How the fuck are you, Sass? It feels so good to be back. Let's spin the wet wheel i will say it has been nice going into work knowing i'm not going to be in pain at all today yeah that is nice how do you feel about mousetraps fine okay well that's

that was my first mousetrap the board game awful game yeah sucks looked incredible in commercial but it is a great commercial yeah it's a's a brainy, crazy contraption, whatever. But it's a good Rube Goldberg. Is it? That's what the game is. But you build it as you play. I thought it was more of a – I don't think I ever got that far.

You just bought the game? I thought when I took it out of the box, it would look like it looked on the commercial. Yeah, you have to symbol it. And then you symbol it throughout the game, right? Yeah, you build it as you play. And then it only goes off one time, and that's the game. And that's kind of the game. It's like a bee.

If it stings, it dies. The game's had a good commercial run for a while. Like, all of, like, the Nerf commercials are crazy. The guy that dove off of the diver. That looks incredible. Yeah, it does. But the diver never worked. Where is he at?

That worked. Damn. he at? That worked. Damn. Never worked. Never worked for me. This is a better commercial than anything that's out right now. This is the best commercial maybe of all time. Board game commercials used to be intense. What was the one that squirted you in the fucking face when they, like?

Oh, yeah. That was the hockey one. Crossfire. Crossfire. You're playing, like, pinball. Was that also a Lizzie and Zola's podcast? Spitfire. Spitfire.

Yeah, I produced. Oh, Spin Zone? It was called Spin Zone? No, I think it was Spitfire. Spitfire to Spin Zone. I was just listening to it this morning, too. Then she entered a traffic zone. Yeah, yeah.

Huh. Sass, I heard you caught a fish last weekend. Five fish. Five fish? Yeah, crossfire. You didn't say five fish. i said i didn't want to disclose it because i had to let sass you know any trophy come out anything mountain mounted on the wall that's what i heard i think it would be illegal if i kept the fish that i

was catching you say you really haven't caught a real fish yet this year that was those were real fish when are you going to give up on fly fishing and just it's it's harder and less convenient and no it's way more fun. Because you're just sticking your arms. You should have seen Luke out there just struggling. Luke does not do well in the outdoors at all. Yeah, he looked at me at one point and goes, you're more of an indoors guy, huh? Has there ever been a successful red-headed outdoors guy?

Yeah, I was going to say, it's shocking. Looking at you, you look like a viking. I guess not. Dude, Mook doesn't know how to walk. Like, Mook can only walk on ideal walking conditions. No inclines? Like, no incline and, like, a track. Like, Mook could walk on a track.

And then if there's, like, a rock on the track, he'd be like, well, I don't know how to get around this. What the fuck am I supposed to do? This is insane. Wait, would you stop and just not go around it? We were walking on, like, rocks. I don't know how to get around there. What the fuck am I supposed to do? This is insane. Wait, would you stop and just not go around it? We were walking on rocks. We did not know how to walk. It was at one point we were going down an incline.

It was just a trail. And there was a little incline or decline. And he's like, I'm holding his waist as he's trying to get down. I almost got stuck on a hill. It was the steepness of stairs. And he was like, I don't know how I'm supposed to get down this. And I'm like, just go down. I mean, I was in hokas.

You were in boots. Dude, I was in hey dudes the day before, and I was doing way better than you. Yeah. Now, the rocks were tough, though. Oh, dude. Rocks are tough. Rocks are tough. Like, that was a good cardio workout.

It wasn't. It wasn't. You moved less than hacky sacks. It is. Is are tough. Rocks are tough. Like, that was a good cardio workout. It wasn't. It wasn't. He moved less than hacky sacks. It is. I agree with him on that. At one point, Mook was like, I am gassed. And I was like, we've moved less than a quarter of a mile. I was under 5,000 steps every day.

But I was wiped. Yeah. You know, I brought up Terry McLaurin doing the dishes yesterday. Yeah. Somebody told me to search Jerry Judy talking about Big Bird. Yeah yeah i haven't looked that up i think jerry judy hates big bird well you need to look and see what jerry judy thinks about big bird so i might have a new favorite nfl what's up with wide receivers just airing out their grievances about nothing they're divas it's true they are divas yeah jerry judy wears the Star of David chain.

Yes. Not Jewish, obviously. Or his nickname. Take a fine bag. Yeah, he's my favorite. What if you see Big Bird smashing Elmer? He was kind of popping off. Oh, it was all the same day?

Club and Barney's side. What if Big Bird did a drive-by That's a great hypothetical I love the top one He was 14 That's funny as hell Is the standalone Big Bird the first one or the last one I bet The last one's way funnier

If it's the last one If it's the last one You just like Exhausted all his options He didn't want to save the Big Bird Yeah Just putting a bow on it Yeah so I guess

Jerry, Judy will be my one Terry, McClure in my two How are you finding these Are you doing People are telling me Okay I found Yeah people are just telling me

I thought you were doing like advanced searches. I'm going to have to start because I think we've run out. Big Bird had a fascinating suit. There was an air conditioner inside the suit. Yeah, a lot of a lot of... And there was a TV screen inside the suit so it could see what it was doing. Oh. Because it wasn't, the guy

wasn't looking through the eyes. I think it's a woman, isn't it? Yeah, it was revealed. It was exposed. It was a woman. People were flipping out woman people were flipping out yeah oh that does not look that comfortable at all it's awful yeah you'd see that soon just be like that looks comfy yeah it looks very i could take a nap in that yeah not at all big bird was definitely not one of my top guys on sesame street i'll tell you that no no no no yeah you're an oscar guy of course you liked oscar oscar was the best yeah who what kind of didn't they have like athletes on there sometimes yeah celebrity of all manner really yeah yeah they have a gay muppet now right i think that was like a big deal back

in the day what like getting sesame street definitely number two was sesame street i think it still was a big deal like you're promoting your fucking comedy album. Elmo's a pedophile. Really? The guy that did Elmo for years. Pedophile. Not surprising. Yeah. Prada Bronx.

I would imagine Cookie Monster was like a serial rapist. Man. Yeah, he hated cereal. Whoever was doing Cookie Monster had to be a serial rapist. Cookie Crisp had him torn. No, fuck. No, yeah. It was a metaphor for boy pussy.

Elmo was at WVU giving a speech before he was a pedophile. Really? Yeah. Was he in the costume? Or was it just the guy that plays Elmo? It's just a puppet, man. I don't think you can get in Elmo. Oh, yeah.

I guess Elmo's pretty small. Yeah. So do you think Big Bird got paid more? Elmo is like the... Yeah, I do think so. No way. Elmo probably made

so much money from Tickle Me Elmo, which was the most profitable toy of that time. But that doesn't go to Elmo's puppetry. You don't think Elmo got nothing? I think Elmo himself. Elmo had a higher peak, but Big Bird has the longer career. Yeah, Elmo didn't come around to Big Bird, too. I think Big Bird, the man in Big Bird can be replaced.

I guess the guy in Elmo. No. Was there something inside Snuffleupagus, or was it just a big... That was an actual beast. That was an actual... I think there were two people in Snuffleupagus. Yeah. Really?

Yeah. But I always confused. What was the Teletubbies vacuum that always slurped up goop? The gay one? No, no. That would be Tinky Winky. Yeah. This is their vacuum cleaner that was also human.

No one had human traits. No, I don't remember. Was it Snuffleupagus or Snuffleupagus? And he has a child as well. Snuffy does? Yes. Nunu. I knew he had a girlfriend.

Nunu. He was always slurping goop. That's a very... You can understand why I think it was Snuffleupagus. Yeah, it's a very similar build. He's off a perk. Somebody dropped a perk and he went I know dudes who act like that that party's we look on the floor all over the floor

fucking new news at the party dude he follows Barstool coach for sure yeah easy easy what we want to organic that organic. We're not supposed to do that. Oh, okay. Now I bring him back to normal. You were sitting right there. Broke the rule, man. Trying to keep it low key, dude. And you kind of ruined Hacky Sack today, too. No, I didn't.

He went in, the camera was on him on Hacky Sack, and he wasn't using his feet. He was just using his head. I went for a header. You went into business for yourself. You didn't go for one header. You went for exclusive headers. Every time. That's my move.

You saw the camera on the corner. No, I didn't. His calling card is the header. I like it. People are going into business for themselves now. It's not move. You saw the camera in the corner. No, I didn't. His calling card is the header. People are going to the business for themselves now. It's not about the hacky side. I got something to bring up now that we're talking about it. I love the team. I love what we do.

Why do some of you guys just do the back kick sometimes, which is definitely not more – That's a Rudy thing. No, Brandon's trying to – Some of you guys have started to – I'm good at it. You're not better at the regular standard kick, though. Because if it sneaks past me, I've got to use my back foot.

You guys go out of your way to do it all. I'm saying. Maybe I'm just more skilled than you guys are. We can get better team wins if you stop. What does the back foot kick look like? They do. Instead of this, which is so easy. So easy.

Oh, yeah. That's crazy. Sometimes I can do it. I'm good at it. Rudy, show us. I think Rudy's trying to get this. Do it right now. Do it right now. I don't. We don't have a hacky sack. We don't have a hacky sack right now. You're good at it. Rudy, show us. Show us. I think Rudy's trying to get this. Do it right now. Do it right now.

I don't want to. We don't have a hacky sack. We don't have a hacky sack right now. You're hacky sacking for the wrong reasons. Because I don't think. Moog's the one that ruined the hacky sack. My header is practical. Here's one right here.

Is that the hemp lord? Yeah. Is that Sir Hemp Sandlord? That thing's got a balance. That's your $700 hacky sack? That's $700. Show the people. Show the people.

Show the people. Show the people with your. I'll toss it to you. Brandon you get the back heel show the back heel All right, I was pretty good that was pretty good this point, but I think good damn it Alright fuck, but I stood ideals. Oh my god. Yeah, we'll do it again. Just forget about it. Yeah, do it again. It's been a while. Keep doing it. Tassie's gotta get the rust off. Are you dressed like Shaggy from Scooby-Doo today?

Probably. Yeah. Oh no, he wore short sleeves. Did he? Short sleeve green, but brown pants. Oh yeah, yeah. That's fine. Ruh-roh.

If you're gonna rent Rover for the row-back rogo. Damn. That was a bar. I should have saved that for the Roback ad read. That would have made more sense. Yeah, but you know, you had to say it. You didn't know Scooby-Doo was coming up. No.

Or Shaggy. Was it? Didn't it? Nah. Shaggy? That's Scooby's owner. Oh yeah, Scooby-Doo. Fuck, dude, I'm brain fogged like crazy right now.

Alright. Yeah, dude. It is warm fogged like crazy right now. All right. Yeah, dude. It is warm over here. It's hot as shit. I look like a little boy in a jumpsuit with this all black. You what? I'm wick. Goddamn.

Yeah, goddamn. Jesus. So you're going to be losing weight, though. Yeah, so I've never seriously contemplated it, but I found, until now, I found a wrestling tournament that has a 30-plus division. And it just so happens to be the Wrestle Against Autism in Westerville, Ohio. What side are you on?

So I got to either go 170 or cut weight to 145. Which I might do. Yeah. You guys want to go out to Westerville and watch them wrestle? Yeah. Wait, 145 to 170, it jumps up that big? Maybe I got it wrong, but I think. Do you have to qualify for this?

Is it an open? Well, there's an open division and a senior division that's 30 plus. I would love to watch a wrestling tournament of people that have never wrestled before that would be awesome what that looks i think every professional sport should have a guy that's never played it every time yeah to show you how impressive the guys are like if there was just a dude that's never played golf just to show you like the baseline that'd be awesome that kind of happens with the marathons right like they're like the chicago marathon well there's like i'm sure there are people like running the chicago marathon they're like this is my dream was always to do to do a marathon

a marathon and then meanwhile there's a guy running in two hours that's got to be and they're all doing the same path didn't someone just break the record yeah yeah chicago yeah yeah that's crazy he looks like you yeah i know no he doesn't i know i saw the world record mirror the world record two hours and 35 seconds. He averaged a 4.36 mile. That Kenyon guy or whatever his name is, like, is impossible to beat? Was it him? Good guess.

No, it was another guy. He got – so what was his time? Two hours and 35 seconds. Kelvin? That looks like sass. Yeah, sass adjacent. Kelvin Kipton sounds like a Marvel character. Two hours, so what's that per mile?

Like four minutes. 4.36. Jeez. Can't comprehend that. That's the greatest athletic feat ever. Yeah. Right next to rowing. Right next to rowing.

Here we go. We were talking on Mostly Sports about how long it would take Brandon to do 26.2 miles. I said two weeks. Two weeks? The stipulation being the only mileage that counts is if he's going at it faster than what was the nine-minute pace. Right. So you can't walk.

He's got to be moving faster than the nine-minute pace. Nine-minute pace for a marathon is pretty fast, though. Yeah. But he wouldn't have to do it all at once, we're saying. The only time the odometer starts is when he's running faster than a nine minute pace i bet you two weeks is fair two weeks sounds about right he didn't billy do that he did it uh in 24 hours he did it it just immediately right yeah on a treadmill straight i think he did it straight no i think he stopped a lot did he i was there i think he just did it he just did it straight i think oh

dude running a marathon on a treadmill would be the most boring thing on earth. Yeah. Running a mile on a treadmill sucks. It feels so long. Yeah. You're just watching that thing just go around. Mm-hmm. Ugh.

We should get Mincy to do it. Mincy runs on the treadmill all the time. He runs for, like, hours. He just signed his contract yesterday. How'd that work? I don't know. He just celebrated. Yeah, dude. That's why he wasn't doing anything before. Because he didn't have a contract. Yeah. Well work? I don't know. He just celebrated. Yeah, dude, that's why he wasn't doing anything.

Because he didn't have a contract. Yeah. Well, he's not going to work without getting paid. Was he holding out? I don't know. But wasn't he already hired back? He was hired back. So then what was the, how was he hired back without a contract?

He probably renegotiated. I don't know. Probably got a hell of a bump again. I signed my new contract today. It's been three months. Did he sign a three-month contract? It's time to get the money. No more games.

Time to blow up Wake Up Mincy. But hasn't he been blogging stuff, right? He's been blogging thing. He timed to move perfectly, by the way. Yeah, he's going to come here and go home for Christmas. The second that the office opens, he'll show up, and he doesn't have to work out of this office like all of us idiots. Yeah, this office kind of sucks.

There's too many people. Yeah, there's a lot going on. How's the New York office? Things good? Fine. Okay, good. It's pretty busy right now with the surviving barstool. We haven't been there for that, have you?

Oh, yeah, you were there. I was there yesterday, or Monday. Do people ever say, say, I miss Kyle? No, we're not allowed to talk about you guys. It's in our new contracts. Oh. Yeah. It said no mention of KB and Nick ever.

Fuck. That's fine. There wasn't much before us. Yeah, that was weird. The rivalry is just out of control right now. Yeah, it's a blood feud. Brandon. Dart boards with your faces on them really yeah good thing it's not the sports office and you oafs are missing brandon yeah have you addressed it not yet wow yeah i saw it dude come on

what i don't know what he's talking about. Oklahoma. Oklahoma tweeted a hype video. Oh, I heard about it. Sooner. Brandon. This is pretty awesome for you. I'm the biggest star in college football. This is a huge comment. You were the first.

I'm the biggest star in college football. Before McAfee. People were clowning on you for it. That's fine. Yeah. This is my face is everywhere. They used. This was a super high definition video and they used a Zoom video of me to open up their

seven. Look at his eyes. That's a win. 6.5. Huge huge win you're the first one yeah what are people saying getting hyped uh oklahoma people want me and my family to die but other than that wait they won though yeah well that made a matter somehow that made him angrier that was calling him frauds yeah he called them the fakest team in college football. How old is that clip? One. About a week. Not long at all.

He said it leading up to the game. Right. That they won. Wait, and then they beat Texas, and now they're not? Yeah, they won their big game. They'll have three losses. No. Their schedule is very, very easy. Okay.

Yeah. I hope Guaranteed. Yeah. Oh, shit. Hope nobody heard you say that. Oh, Kyle versus Tech. Oh, no. Let's see how it goes. There we go. There we go.

You got it? Yeah. Oklahoma will have three losses this year. Minimum? How many more games are they going to have? They will end with three losses. Who are they going to lose to? Two more and then.

And then in the playoff? And one more after that. A bowl. Whatever bowl. They'll lose in a bowl. Lose to Texas in the Big 12 championship. They're definitely going to lose that one. Lose the bowl game.

Do they play TCU yet? No. They're going to lose to them. TCU's terrible. TCU bounced back at all? No, they're terrible. The Big 12 is the worst conference by far. Yeah? Not even close. I was just saying that the other day were you yeah big the lennox sun is surely worse uh does the a-sun

have football at all okay does the a-sun have football yeah they're gonna lose not of any of they might lose to kansas yeah they're gonna they might lose to w they might lose they'll lose bedlam west virginia's never beat Oklahoma in the Big 12. They have an easy year. I can see them losing to BYU. Yeah. Those Mormons will be fired up and ready. TCU needs a dub so they could easily lose to TCU.

They could. Who is the worst good college football? Is there going to be a TCU-esque team? I think it's probably it could candidates are probably louisville who just beat notre dame okay their schedule is very very easy and then oklahoma's might be so you could see louisville going into the playoff and losing by not to i don't think they make the playoff because they'd have to beat like florida state on the way but they're gonna they might go 12 and oh i'm just trying to figure out where blattman will send

me this year louisville sounds like a place you would get sent. I'm shocked you haven't been sent to Louisville for some reason anyway. Matter of time. I've been sent to Louisville. Went down there for the OVW wrestling thing. How is Louisville? Louisville. Perfectly fine city. It's like Indianapolis. I'm supposed to go there in December.

Perfectly fine city. For a stand-up? Yeah. You think there's a good sense of humor down there? Probably not. What's the worst city? Like, what's the least laughs you've gotten in a city? Connecticut. Bridgeport.

Bridgeport, Connecticut. Yeah, Connecticut's bad. Yeah. Just all around Connecticut. Shitty city. Everything sucks about Connecticut. Yeah. Not a good crowd.

Really, really bad. Isn't it the happiest state? Maybe. That's probably why they don't have anything to laugh about. Yeah, you're right. You want to go to sad states. It's funny. Yeah.

We were in like a back room of a city. Like it wasn't a real place. Bridgeport is a nasty place. TJ, can you Google happiest states? I'm going to go out on a limb and say Bridgeport's probably top ten saddest cities. Really? Yeah. There is nothing to be happy about in Bridgeport.

I thought it was a happy, because aren't they the highest income? No. Maybe. Connecticut feels like Utah. Not Bridgeport, though. Utah checks out. Hawaii checks out. They get booze.

Maryland is a little surprising. Maryland is surprising. Minnesota, they're happy. Minnesota checks out. New Jersey. That's a lot. New Jersey is weird. Okay, so they're emotional and physical well-being, work environment,

community environment. Utah, that's odd. Utah makes a lot of sense. Hawaii would be awesome. They don't ruin their brains with substances. Brandon, where's... Oh, no. Fuck it.

Oh, I didn't know that. Two 50s? Alaska is ahead of you. By a lot. We have counties that have the same life expectancy as Chad. Yeah. Where's Chad? He does a lot of steroids.

Okay. We're the lowest life expectancy. I think we just passed up mississippi that's not good at all why what is that from drugs because i moved out wait brandon mississippi's doing just fine oh we're doing great phenomenal adequate sleep jesus boys close your eyes wait go go back to hawaii yeah hawai was the happiest, but they don't sleep. Like, Hawaii's 49 on sleep. Yeah.

But then go up. Yeah. Hawaii is the lowest depression. So sleep and depression, I mean. You would think there'd be a correlation. There's no correlation. Colorado sleeps like fucking babies. So you're.

What all have we seen? Western Indian 50, the most depressed. Sleep rate and physical well-being. We're in a rivalry with you for obesity. Yeah, I was going to say, can we check obesity to see where that's going? I think and illiteracy. This is a great competition. Just name a category and figure out if West Virginia or Mississippi.

We're doing great. You're five fattest versus our five fattest. Who are your five? I want that smoke. West Virginia obese, I'm imagining, is, like, bigger than you've ever seen. Some big boys. Yeah. Look up Margaret Atfield.

Close to a... Holy smokes. It's got to be close to 1,000, right? 1,000-pound people. Oh, there's a couple of 1,000-pounders in West Virginia. Yeah. Yeah. Who do you think the fattest person in Manhattan is?

Because you have to be pretty mobile in Manhattan. No. Well... You really don't. But you could also have everything delivered to you You could just sit there and have like but then like what's your income? No, I've thought about it. I've thought about our top five and I don't even think that they break Manhattan's top 50 Well, there's a lot of people. Yeah, I bet there's some fucking creatures that just haven't left their apartment Yeah in like Midtown and they just live in a fucking they're like the size of their apartment yeah like that people but they probably they could

be close to 2 000 pounds and just no one's seen nobody i wonder if there's i wonder if there's video anywhere of like a bunch of fat people in manhattan congregating at like the same gambling cave or something is there anywhere we could find Is there anywhere we could find such a thing? Dude, honestly, if you're a bad enough person, you're reincarnated as one of those chairs. I gotta check this over. Quality name for a fact. Oh, he's from Brooklyn. Large waist.

Brooklyn fat is pretty crazy. You could also spell waist W-A-S-T-E as well. Oh! 1100. Oh, 1,100. He's a healthy boy. Died at 46. That's not bad. That's a good run.

Seventh heaviest in medical history. 46 is actually a pretty good run for being 1,100 pounds. Let me see that list. He outlives me. Seventh heaviest. Yeah. Kyle. Let me see this.

West Virginia has the highest obesity rate right now. That's crazy. We're 49th. But they're so poor. Does opioids make you hungrier? No, but you don't shit. Huh. Makes you very constipated.

John Brower Minick. What's he at? What's this? 1,400 pounds. 1,400? Mexico has two of them. Do you think he was like 1,375 and he was like, fuck it, I got to do it. I got to touch 1,400.

I feel like really fat Mexicans are different than really fat Americans, though. They're cool. They're cool. Yeah, they are. They're all like hilarious. Yeah. They're like the funniest dudes I've ever met. You're right.

Yeah. That guy is fucking hysterical. Our fats are disgusting. On his wedding day. That guy probably hits open mics every single night. Yeah, he's funny as hell. He brings up a towel on stage with him. Yeah.

He daps the head the whole time. And just fucking murders. Ja, ja, ja, ja. Ja, ja, ja. Dude, I bet you he goes on stage late every time and he comes out and he's like, sorry about the wait. Yeah. And it tears the house down. It's starting off good.

And they go nuts. Woo! Yeah, Mexican comedy shows are probably insane. They're probably awesome. He definitely, like, people were buying him cheeseburgers after the show instead of shots. Wait, Carol Yeager was the fattest

woman, but she was the fifth fattest? What is she, 180? I... I can't even picture a 180 pound woman. Just going up to like a plus size. You must be the fattest. Gotta be top five. Yeah, like 180 is the max we can conceive.

Any input, Brando? No, no, no. Y'all got it. Can we see Carol Yeager? Yeah, a woman breaking the top five is something. 34. See, she doesn't even look bad. She looks long. Yeah. Flint, something. 34. See, she doesn't even look that fat, though. She's, like, long. Yeah.

Flint, Michigan. Yeah. She's definitely gotten some people with thirst traps from the face up. Yeah, she hasn't really. She doesn't really have that fat of a face. Kind of Monica Lewinsky. I mean, the arm looks like. Yeah.

Oh, the arm, yeah. Oh, the arm. She's a hog. Yeah, looks like a gourd of some sort. She's a hog. Fat-ass white girl. She has a gourd on her. Oh, that person's fat.

Oh. She's not even fat. She's just thick. I'm just looking at turquoise. All right. I think I'd fuck her. Yeah. Oh.

Oh. Who's that? Rappers would fuck the shit out of her. Dude. She would crush. They'd be climbing on Rapson. Oh, fuck. Oh.

All right. Having to take that picture, having to take a bunch of steps back to get her in frame. Oh, yeah. 0.5 zoom. Panoramic. You got to stand in the hall sass do you change your material bait when you go to different um places like when do you have stuff that plays to the crowd or do you have stuff that like if you're going to like

a small town in the midwest you know if you make self-deprecating new york jokes uh sometimes most of the stuff is pretty plays everywhere plays Portland, I did cut out a couple things that I was like, they're going to hate this. Just judging off of how the first show went, you're like, yeah, this is not going to work. So usually that's pretty much it. Portland

was a two lib for you? No, not really. There was just some shit that they were like, that's not funny. Is it comparable to doing comedy in Brooklyn? I don't know. It's a little bit different. It's like my crowd. Ah, you're right. So they're still going to like stuff.

Oh, yeah. But it's, yeah, there's some of it they're like, that's not funny. Like, there was one thing, I did a human trafficking joke, and they were like, that's not funny at all. Like, they did not like that at all. Did they actually say that, or is that the reaction? It was a given. It was like given it was like because i was doing well the whole show i'm picturing some soccer mom with her arms crossed

just like that's not funny that's like how it was they were like human trafficking is a big deal here and i'm like yeah it's a big deal everywhere yeah everywhere claims that they're like the human trafficking i need to say i'm against yeah um this could go for either of you guys like do you acknowledge when you have a bad joke you're like like, oh, you guys didn't like that one. Okay. Yeah. Okay. The human traffic, I was doing very well.

And then I did that joke and it was just like crickets. Did you hear it, Mook? Yeah. Yeah, they hated it. And then I did a joke about my parents being Republican and they acted like I was like Trump. Yeah. Really? They were like, no, we're all set.

We're good on any of that. So it was just like a minute and a half of silence. And I was like, okay. Wow. Yeah. Yeah, they're not allowed to laugh at the spawn of Republicans. Did he try to get Sidney Sweeney out of here because her grandpa had a mega hat? Yeah, of course he did.

Right. Where is she from? My dreams. No, she's yours, right? What? You love her, right? Sidney? Yeah, of course. Little Sid? Yeah. My dreams No, she's yours right what you love her right? Sid you get some text horse will Sid yeah, what's your favorite part about her her big-ass titties? Yes, that's facts brother. Yeah, where's she from Spokane? I should have said it first Spokane

Scan cane okay, that what it said? 5'3"? Oh, little thing Jesus Miniature You don't see 5'3", like, stacked like that No I think proportionally they always look more stacked than they are Yeah, but those would be big titties on a seven-footer

I bet you they wouldn't look big You don't think those titties would look big on a seven-footer? I bet you they wouldn't, that's don't think those titties would look big on a 7 footer? I bet you they wouldn't, that's the thing Can we stretch out Sweeney? TJ, can you stretch out Sweeney for us? Can you open up Sweeney Nevermind, dude, I fucking can't talk right now I'm genuinely curious

Dude, we had a This is the funniest science fair board Stretching out Sydney Sweeney Sydney Sweeney's tits really big. Hypothesis. Or she does not look big. Or she does not look really small. What's the tallest woman you know?

I saw at least a 6'10", a 6'11", girl in New York just walking down 7th Avenue. You told them about New York Fashion Week. I just stared at her. I know they probably – that's the worst thing you can do west lib our local d2 school had a 611 girl on the women's team really when we were growing up if you're 611 and your girl is even like is it even like a choice like you kind of have to play basketball right that or stomp village yeah i mean you gotta be a model you gotta play basketball if you're a 61111 dude. Yeah. Yeah

For women, you probably don't have much of a choice. Yeah, women like 6'6 woman you I think if you're a six-foot women You're usually hooping. Yeah Yeah, big time. See you Sass. See you man Yeah Sorry I fucking I think you forgot we were on a show I fucking love Sass He was participating in the conversation he loves hanging out with us oh yeah so good to have sass it's so nice thanks nick you want to hit the high noon yeah let's do it

are you even allowed to say that probably not but you know what i live these days uh it's time to load up on the ice and break out the oversized lawn games because the high noon game day pack is back back this includes uh limited edition fan faves pear and cranberry along with black cherry and grapefruit made with real vodka real juice 100 calories gluten-free no added sugar the high noon game day pack is a fall exclusive which means it's here for a good time not a long time visit high noon spirits.com before your next tailgate to find a pack near you we'll be tailgating with high noons this weekend oh yeah nick did you did you put me on the flyer for tonight's event you told me to no i didn't i said you said put me on but i'm not coming no i didn't say that actually i don't know i didn't

no i actually didn't hear i heard verbatim i heard everybody i said brandon cut you out. I cut you out, made you a PNG, transparent PNG. You said you were putting me on there, and I said, I'm not coming. And you said, well, I'm putting you on there anyway. I said, well, put me on there. I'm not coming. Yeah, so put me on there. Put me on it, yeah. Put me on there.

But I thought it was implied that I. I felt so gay typing out the word boozy. Yeah, is that a gay word? Yeah. Big time. I said drunk in spelling bee, and we weren't allowed. Yeah, when you said it initially, I was like, I don't think that's going word? Yeah. Big time. I said drunken spelling bee and we weren't allowed. Yeah. When you said it initially, I was like, I don't think that's going to get approved. Is there a better word than boozy?

Tipsy? Tipsy's also. Buzzed bee. Oh. Son of a. Oh, my. Quit. Talk to me like that off camera.

That's embarrassing me. Oh, my. Yeah. We got prize public embarrassment prize a thousand dollars the last one was going to be a a figurine that pft commoner accidentally left at home so you're like you know what we'll do 750 cash instead yeah for your opinions for yeah yeah somebody just got money for free so this is a boozy spelling bee yeah so i think we'll do we'll give you two three strikes if you spell a word wrong you could do a shot and get another chance um but if you miss it then you're out is there a

minimum to have already drank to get to get into we're going to start it a little late um what's the stipulation with like rudy and white Sox Dave? How are they getting involved? They're going to spell, so they'll probably be there for a few seconds. Right. What time is it starting? 6.30. Oh, okay. It's competing directly with your show.

Yeah, it's okay. Thanks, man. I mean, I want it to go, but I guess I can't. I know. I wish you could. Yeah, it'll be fun. We can go after. Yeah. Were you guys at Zaney's? Yeah. Yeah. I guess I can't. I know. I wish you could. Yeah, it'll be fun. We can go after. Yeah.

Were you guys at Zany's? Yeah. Yeah. I wish I could go. I'm going to try to go to your Saturday. Yeah, it'll be fun. For me. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh. So that's y'all. That's not, you know. No, no, no. We need to elongate. So, I mean, good work.

I still appreciate this. It is still big. That is, that's not what what this is not what that proportionally it doesn't yeah yeah that's what we go yeah i don't think this is how you still huge still huge actually tj sent me that no you gotta photoshop just her tits onto the body of a set it's impossible to do with photos her tits on y'all make it really possible you're just pissed that your hypothesis didn't ring true they're still big dude her tits would Yao Ming. It's definitely possible. You're just pissed that your hypothesis didn't ring true. They're still big, dude.

Her tits would be small on a giant. Throw her normal tits on Yao Ming. Is that her actual size? Get her stacked, yeah. Those aren't that big. No, you can't. You just made them bigger. You've got to keep him the same.

Dude, Asian and big tits, I'm about to cum. I'm a pussy away. Nah, I still could. If you're that tall as a girl, do you just have like a massive vagina? I think it's long. Probably pretty standard. I think we are forgetting about proportions. Yeah, we are.

Yeah. So it would be massive. Yeah. Well, TJ, can you go back to that? I guess, yeah, it would be. Zip lock. So what you'd have to do, they're two conjoined on Shaq's chest. You're going to have to split each titty and put them where they'd be. Yeah.

Right? Yeah. And that's how we determine if they're big. Precisely. Precisely. The only time you say precisely okay yeah so there's that one there's fuck i think kyle's right that's right jack with small white titties they'd look yeah yeah i guess i'd be like damn shack has tiny tits yeah right that's like probably what shack's tits actually look like yeah fuck i don't know i guess I'd be like, damn, Shaq has tiny tits. Yeah. Right. That's like probably what Shaq's tits actually look like. Yeah.

Fuck. I don't know. I think I'd be disappointed if his tits were that small. I know. I need someone to do a science. Now that. I need a kid to do a, teen to do a science fair project on this. Yeah, if you're a high school listener, no, you don't do science fairs in high school, do you?

I guess we need like a seventh grader. We need a seventh grader to do with Sidney Sweeney or Sidney Sweeney's tits big. Yeah. Yeah. That should win. That would be superior. Oh, yeah. Yeah, 100%.

That would win you. That would win you the B. It's that and a volcano going head to head in the finals. Titus, you've been hush. Care to throw your hat in the ring? You love talking titty off air.? You love talking titty off air. I do love talking titty off air. So how are the experiments?

We can cut the cameras, brother. I think. We cut the cameras for a second? There we go. All right. You got to say it. All right. I think I'm with Kyle.

I think her titties would not be big if she was the size of Yao Ming. I think we would not consider that. I think Shaq right now, if you were to get a handful of Sidney's titties, if you were to do a hand test, I think Shaq would fill your hand up more. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, I don't think so because there's a size. That's going to be polarizing. She has a size of breasts.

They don't change. I think you get more fill. I think hers right now. You don't get more fill. No. What's the mass? What has greater mass? I think Shaq.

Probably Shaq. I think Shaq. You couldn't grip. You're not having fun with them. He's just wide. I don't think you can bobble them around. I think we have to measure. I'm not saying. Probably Shaq. I think Shaq. You couldn't grip. You're not having fun with him. He's just wide. I don't think you can bobble him around. I think we have to measure. We're not saying we're fucking him.

I'm just saying. Shaq has more tit mass. Yeah. I mean, he does because he's a bigger person. So, yeah. Then that's the whole argument. That's the argument. So then if she was bigger, her tits would be bigger.

Look at Shaq right now and say, look at the tits on Shaq. Yeah, but that's the argument. Her tits now would not look big on a seven-foot body. The argument was – what was the argument? I don't know. We found out Sydney Sweeney was 5'3", and then Kyle was like, oh, well, that's the only reason. That's why her tits are 5'8". She's 5'3"?

Yeah, see? She looks so much taller in 5'3". Yeah, and he said if she was taller yeah would yeah i mean i mean the seven foot is an extreme what are you calling titty here i mean he's got chest but he doesn't there's no way that's a lot of titties like is it his chest is longer than like you guys are you guys don't know how big he is he's i've seen him in person he is gigantic look at the look at the left look at the picture on the left look at those that would take up her whole torso yeah that would be awesome he would like that let's put his titty on the ground yeah put put on city yeah let's take a look at that

oh man this is how jeff. Lowe does celebrity mashups. Nick is so, like, anime-brained. Yeah. Yeah, I am. Yeah, you like those big old titties. Yeah, sue me. Hey, you fucking freak. I'm sorry. I'm such a freak.

I love big tits. I'm not like the other guys. My deepest, darkest secret is I love big titties. Don't tell anybody. Oh, you nasty, nasty. This is my friend, Sass. He's a bit of a perv. He loves giant, perfect titties.

Ew, dude. Keep that to yourself. How's it coming TJ? We need to get you a Oh my god Wait Sydney Sweeney's too tall You need a shrinker Wait that looks kinda

Yeah we gotta make her 5'3 Yeah you gotta make her Her original size Put those fucking cannons on her Wow Oh my god Wood Wood for sure fucking cannons on her. Oh my god. Wood. Wood for sure.

Yep. That'll do it. That's fucking hot. What a picture. Those are monsters. Yeah. Those are the size titties that come up if you, like, look up titties. You Google tits. Yeah, it's never, like, normal size tits.

It's always, like, the biggest tits you've ever seen ever. That's the exact picture. Yeah. Straight up Google. Like, ginormous titties. Yeah. Is that it? Did TJ's Google titties? Yeah.

Is that what came up? Yeah. Massive tits. Like the biggest tits of all time. Massive tits. Like tits that they're not even like. Oh, my God. Yeah.

Not even tits that you could have fun with. Those are pretty naival big titties. Yeah. Those are Shaq titties. Yeah. Wait, how tall is that chick? Because if she's like 4'2". Those might be A-cups. Those are pretty navel big titties. Those are Shaq titties. Wait, how tall is that chick? Because if she's like 4'2", those might be A-cups.

Yeah, she's got a little tiny perky set. This has been a good episode, man. Awesome. Talking titties. Oh, I can't get enough. that's what guys do man that's what we do we're sitting around just because there's not enough titty talk going on in new york dude it's great to get out here and really just you know oh my god perspective is it's a crazy thing, huh?

Wow. Dude. Oh, my God. Just a science fair on perspective, but all the examples are titties. Like one of those universe videos where it's like Sidney Cini's tits. The sun. It's on everything. He's on the Burj Khalifa.

The sun. It's on everything. It's on the Burj Khalifa. The Titanic. You see, they're really not that big. All presented by a seventh grader. This has me fucked up. I'm picturing my biceps on LeBron. Oh, brother. T-Rex arms. I don't think I have big ones.

Can we put LeBron's arms on you? No, please don't. That would be like you'd be walking on all fours. You think I would? Yeah. 100%. His arms would not go down to my... Stand up straight and walk up.

Look like Doc Ock. You'd be walking. It'd be like if you were using crutches. Yeah. Your legs would be swinging every time your feet hit the ground. Every time your fists hit the ground. Is that true? Yeah, I think you'd just evolved to walk on hand.

Do you think his arms are stronger than your legs? Yes. 100%. By a lot. His arms are probably the size of your legs. Probably bigger. Guaranteed they're bigger. I'd say his arms are longer. You think his arms are longer? size of your legs. Probably bigger. I don't think so. Guaranteed they're bigger.

I'd say his arms are longer. You think his arms are longer? He's 6'8". Wait, let's put LeBron's arms on Kyle's legs? Yeah. Fine. We're really experimenting today. I wonder how that would...

Would you be taller if you had LeBron's arms as your legs? Yes, and you know it. All right? What length of pant do you wear? I don't think if I had his arms, they would touch the ground, though. No. No, probably not. It would be goofy looking.

It would be down to your knees for sure. Oh, yeah. It would probably be down to the shins. Yeah. Long arms. Remember his arms? Yeah. He's not the first guy you think of. Yeah. Long arms. Remember his arms? Yeah. He's not the first guy you think of when you think of Tony Delk.

Who was that dude that we met years ago who had the fucking giant arms? Giant arms and hands? Yeah. Yeah, he's like a carpenter or something. Yeah, and he would post videos playing basketball, and his arms were literally down to his knees. His pinky would be like the biggest cock. Yeah, yeah. And he had like a completely normal rest of his body like like popeye who was this guy i think we were watching his videos on the act this had to have been like over two years

ago yeah but he had big old arms yeah we need to see him there's nothing i hate more than getting gripped up by a guy with, like, big paws. Just, like, a handshake with a man that's, like... Nothing you hate more? Yeah, no, it's brutal. It makes me feel small. Dudes with big hands will go out of their way. Oh, my God.

My biggest weakness in wrestling. We've met, but hey. Getting dominated in a handshake does kind of suck. Oh, yeah. Wasn't that Adrian Peterson's thing? He would, like, break people's hands. Would he? Yeah.

I know he beat his kid with a bell. Yeah, he beat his kid, right? Yeah, Adrian Peterson would, like, try to break people's hands when he shook hands, which is as alpha as it gets. Way to treat your kid. Y'all a good one-pump? Y'all a one-pump handshaker? Nah, two.

Two? Yeah, and sometimes I'll go hand on top. Yeah, this guy. Oh, shit. What the fuck? Dude, that's like a Photoshop. on top. I'm tipped. Yeah, this guy. Oh, shit. What the fuck? Dude, that's like a Photoshop. You've got to see his wife. Yeah, he is.

You can't even move him. What the fuck? Not very toned, though. Yeah, not very toned. That's a diseased man. Look at that. Hope he's not a proctologist. That's my wife, I think.

Oh, shit. Ew. That's nasty. Whoa! That's how I look in the mirror when I'm in my dreams. My shit's always fucked. I'm not a big fan. And I read about that.

If you actually pay attention in your dreams, you'll see like the faces all messed up the hands are all messed up really yeah it's like it's like ai ai can't do hands yet right they can they can't do hands or getting a little too good it is getting good i love looking at like uh there was uh george from seinfeld as the lead singer of a hardcore band. Did you guys see that? Oh, it's so sick. It looked like a really good show. I don't know if anyone's ever going to top the Trump getting tackled by the cops one. Yeah.

Those are so funny. With the AR and the same. Yeah. Some people believe that, right? Oh, yeah, because it was the day that Trump was getting. Yeah. Oh, shit. Look at that.

Look at that show. Oh. Rules. What a beast. Yeah, that show. Oh. Rules. What a beast. Yeah, I would believe this. Those look real. Yeah. Yeah.

It's gotten pretty good. They just can't do letters. I'm big into the, I've been real big into the Spongebob. Singing? Yeah. But I haven't been seeing the Arabic ones. I've been seeing him. It's just all of Spon SpongeBob singing fucking real songs.

I guess they're all real songs, but Americano songs. And they're fucking good. Patrick kills it. Not Patrick. Who's the little guy? Plankton kills. Plankton kills things from the soul. Can we find one?

From deep down. I can find one? From deep down. I can find one. I got one saved. Because it's like legitimately catchy. I've been seeing like Peter Griffin linking up with rappers on Twitter. Oh, yeah. That's been good. That's cool.

Plankton is voiced by the bad guard in Shawshank. Oh, yeah. Oh, somebody's just rocking out to him right there that's plankton that's like real pain yeah dude it's god hey can i play one right now this one's good this feels here send it to tj all right oh yeah God. Hey, can I play one right now? This one's good. Here, send it to TJ. All right.

Oh, yeah. While he's looking for that, yeah, come to the Spelling Bee tonight. Yeah. Let's pack the house. It's boozy. It's boozy. We're going to get a little boozy. What's the prize today, Kyle?

I put prize on the flyer. Do you have an item? Does just do like a thousand dollars? What does scripts give I think there's a thousand dollars and ones in that closet over there Oh, yeah, what if we just started doing that give it to him now like a ten thousand for telling me Yeah, we'll probably like attract some good spellers. Yeah But will they drink? Will they get boozy? They have to drink.

No, no one would get boozy. How much would it cost to supplant? Can we ask Big Cat if we could take the $500 of ones to give away? It's kind of fucked up that competitive speller is eighth grade, and then you're done. What do they start to live of spelling bees? How much do they give away to the winning scripts? I don't know.

We'll just give away more. Give away a little bit more. Let's get some kids in. I doubt it know. Just give away more. Look it up, TJ. Let's get some kids in. They'd probably get a score. That's what I'm saying. If you give out like $30,000, it will cost $50,000 to just supplant scripts. They get $50,000. It would cost $51,000.

What if we did $50,000 tonight? That would go viral. It would go viral. We'll have the biggest crowds. I don't have $50,000. If That would go viral. It would go viral. We'll have the biggest crowds. I don't have $50,000. If we gave away – I don't have a grand. I could just give away a couple hundred grand.

I'm just watching everything. I'm talking about money, Mook. I could chip in $50,000 tonight easy. Easy. Yeah, I'll just throw – I got $50,000 in my pocket right now. Mook is about to run and memorize Merriam-Webster. I'm skipping our show tonight. Okay, wait.

Let's ask Big Cat if we can give away the 500. 500? I'm pretty sure it's in that closet. It's just in that closet. 500 and ones. I might get robbed. The spelling bee might get robbed. Yeah, showing up.

Oh, yeah. He's going to get rolled on. He get rolled on trying to spell tricycle blasting up the spelling bee would be crazy yeah not a cool move at all we're giving out virtual venmo money i don't know dude i think i kind of want to give away that stack of cash and then everybody knows who has it when they're walking out of the bar. Yeah. Do you still do that on Instagram and Snapchat? Like pose with the stack? Yeah. Not like famous dudes.

Because I remember dudes from Steubenville would do that. Yeah, it's just whenever dudes get their tax returns. Yeah. That's still making the waves. Yeah, you still got to flex with the stack. The big one is to spread it out on the forearm. TJ did it. Yeah.

That's the big move. What's that called? The spread. The money spread? The money spread, money spread yeah oh yeah understandable if you're talking shit it's like don't talk to me until you post money spread oh okay it's pussy all right go band for band band for band versus battle what happens after like the first round what do you you gotta pull out the next band oh so you runs out of bands it's Oh, so you keep adding more to your... So those guys, when people are doing that, there's $0 in their bank account, right?

Yeah. All liquid. Yeah. One of my teammates... 6ix9ine used to walk around with like $2 million cash in his car. Yeah. So he owed millions of dollars to them. Yeah.

50 cented that too. Yeah, but like it was in case anybody asked you to go band for band. I guess, yeah. Are there any battles? Battle of the bands? One of my teammates at Ohio State would do Big Fish, Little Fish is what he'd call it. And then he'd just walk up to me and say, Big Fish, Little Fish. And then you'd have to pull out how much cash you have in your pocket.

And whoever has the most, he's like, Big Fish eats Little Fish. And just take my money. Oh, that's fun. Yeah. Will Buford. Shout out Will. Love him. Did he always have a bunch of money on him?

Yeah, I always noticed when he initiated, he had just gone to the bank. Yo, I think your friend was a drug dealer. And then, yeah, I mean, God bless Will. And then when I would try to initiate, he was like, nah. I was like, Will, let's play the game. I got some cash on me. Titus, he was robbing you. No, oh, Will, we would also shoot dice,

and when he would lose, he would just grab the money and take off running. I fucking love Will. He's snotty. Yeah, he's... Yeah, going band for band, and you're using pretty much all of your money, if you've only got a rack on you, that's pretty like... It's not great.

Let's do it right now. Let's go band for band. Who's got... I have no cash on me. I'd go big fish, little fish. Big fish, little fish? Oh, let's do it. Little. Let's go for ban for ban. Who's got? I have no cash on me. I'd go big fish, little fish. Big fish, little fish? Oh, let's do it. Little fish.

Big fish, little fish. I got sass. I have like $7. Big fishy, little fish. Let's do it. I have no cash. I don't think I have any. I have none.

So if you have none, you actually kind of win. I just got a receipt. You have my dry cleaning receipt. I have that. Bro, I'm about to big fish the hell out of you. I have a 50-50 from the Cubs game. That could be a winner. I have

$11. Brandon, how much cash you got on you? Zero. Who has the most cash in this office right now? I usually carry about $20 or $40. Nikki Smokes.

Nicky Smokes. He's like a ban for ban participant. Yeah, Nicky Smokes does not have a bank account. Kyle, grab two random people, make them go ban for ban. I wouldn't be surprised if Nicky had a rack on him. I used to carry around a rack. He's going to have a great reason for it, too. Yeah, because he's got to go to the strip club.

And it won't be a great reason at all. And he's an abandoned ones to the strip club. And it won't be a great reason at all. And he's at Abandoned Ones. Spider, Nicky Smokes. Oh. No, no, no. Stand up. Spider. Spider, come on. Stand across from Nicky Smokes.

You're going band for band. I got your wallet on you. Oh, no. I've done this before. Band for band. Just, no. Bet. I've done this before. What are we doing? Fighter. Band for band. Just going band for band.

Band for band. I wouldn't use up your whole stack. Is that your rack? This is round one. I don't have a wallet. You have zero dollars? I don't have a wallet. Oh, all right.

Fighter wins. You have zero. Do you have any? How do you carry your money? On my phone. It's 2023. You just double tap and tap. You don't have any? You never have any cash that's that's shocking i thought you were going to be a cash guy no only if i buy drugs oh okay yes yeah we want to get back yeah he was slammed back there was he

put him away from pulling him out of something big by By the way, as he walked away, he just Eurostepped the chair. He's like, that's what you called me? And he's like, fucking Jesus. What does he have to get back to? He's going back to the couch. Busy as hell. What do you think his most stressful day has been? Today.

That's shocking he has no cash on him. I would have pegged him for a cash guy i would have thought every dime he owns is on his person at all times yeah but he's got the deepest roster he's got a deep bench you know what i mean of women or of women yeah oh yeah you're going rose has had they're holding the cash his hose carries cash his 10th man could take out my second man you got a second? Why are you saying man? Oh, I don't have a second. Why are you saying man?

Yeah, Nicky's only fucking the hottest dudes. Not like Mook. Nicky's fucking ten hottest dudes in Chicago. Mook has two fucking ugly ass dudes. Fucking guys with big ass hands. We make fun of him Not because he's fucking dudes Because they're ugly Ugly

Ew Body's a body Truth How long are LeBron's arms? 20 what? 3 feet How long His arms are two feet.

Each arm is two feet nine inches. Wait, no way. That's short. That's not that long, I don't think. Be careful. Some chest. Yeah, wingspan. I feel short. Yeah, they already got you, Brandon.

Brandon, they already got you. I was raising it up here. No, you went about... You were... Yeah. We got a screenshot of Brandon raising his arm. Just got to be careful. Oh, hell yeah, man.

Yeah. I went straight up. It's amazing what an open palm and a closed fist, the different sides of the aisle that is. Yeah. What else we got going on? Not what I did with my sheets uh i noticed che the last two days had a lot of sass material on the sheet but he's like he's like sass is in chicago ask him about fish ask him about his stand-up ask him about how things are going ask him yeah and then now sass is here and

it's like mean girls mean girls signs with what. What is the best CVS brand candy? Is seltzer a nice treat or a low-key bad for you? What? Seltzer. Seltzer? Isn't it just carbonated water? Aren't we pretty heavily sponsored? Yeah, I was going to say I think that's a nice treat.

I would say that's a super nice treat. It's a very refreshing nice treat. Nice treat and low-key bad for you aren't like competing things. They could be both. Low-key bad for you. Most nice treats are low-key bad for you. Yeah, not even low-key. Yeah.

Brandon, how do you feel that Kelly Keegs set the record for most points scored? I think Jeff needed a hook for his show, and he fed her. Who was your favorite new comedian? What did you call her? What the fuck is that? Best CVS brand candy? What does that mean? I can't name a CVS brand candy.

I don't think there are any. He was just in a CVS in the first three. Whatever. He picked up a nice tree. They let him go down to the drugstore below the office. That's what happened. You know what he did? He probably picked up a CVS brand tree, and he was like, this might be low-key bad for me.

What is a CVS brand candy? Chocolate? This is like his only thing. Yeah. It just says chocolate in massive letters with the CVS logo on the side. I guess that. Yeah. Whatever happened to Powerade?

It's still there. I feel like it's still there. It's still around. They sell it at a lot of bars. Really? A lot? I've never seen it once, and I've been to a lot of bars.

You gotta take that back, man. You just can't say that. I was thinking I think on New Year's Day I got a Powerade at a bar. They had it on draft. Who? Shut the fuck up.

They did. Who the fuck did? Give me one of your finest blues. You were at McDonald's. Light rocks. Yeah, McDonald's has it. Okay. McDonald's does have it on the tap.

Yeah, they got it on tap. Out of the tap. Change the keg of power. Y'all like the new... They're not new anymore. They're five or six, seven, ten years old now. Coke remix? Freestyle.

The big red machine with everything in there. Yeah, what's not to like? I make myself vanilla ginger ale. I think there's... I don't think the... The most barstool thing in the world is having a take on the red soda machine. Yeah, it is. Having ever even thought about it.

Let's go around... Being like, I fucking hate the red soda machine. Having ever even thought about it. Let's go around. Being like, I fucking hate the red soda machine. Hate it or love it. Give me the original where I just put my cup in and it pours out. Why are they complicating everything? Yeah. Just to fucking hate it. Just having a massive take on that.

Embrace debate, but I won't go into a fast food restaurant unless they have. You obviously haven't had the black cherry spray yeah it's uh you can't be in the middle of the road here no it's harder to make the the suicide on one of those though where you get a little taste of everything no there's like a thousand press too many but just you would die before you could do it. That might be the one complaint about that machine. Yeah, do suicide. Was that also called Twister? What else did they call that where you put everyone in?

Graveyard. Graveyard. It was never good. Yeah, I think the names for them are a lot more foreboding than the actual drink, though. Suicide and graveyard? Dr. Pepper. That was the dominant one. Or like orange soda.

Sure, yeah. No, not like orange soda. No. You probably weren't going Or like orange soda. Sure, yeah. No, not like orange soda. You probably weren't going heavy on orange soda. Like I was. You got Garfield socks on? Do I? Yes, I have Garfield socks on. Do I?

I have Garfield and Odie. And Nermal. Nermal's right there. John. John Arbuckle is on there. Yeah, I have Garfield socks on. You've been getting some fits off. You love Garfield. I love Garfield and Odie. And Nermal. Nermal's right there. John. John Arbuckle is on there. Yeah, I have Garfield's socks on. You've been getting some fits off. You love Garfield.

I love Garfield. I didn't know that about you. I love Garfield. You wore the Garfield shirt that one day, and I brought it up, and you're like, I love The three best comic strips are Calvin and Hobbes, Garfield, and Farside. Nope. Calvin and Hobbes is great. Calvin and Hobbes is number one.

Farside, two. Garfield, three. Farside's one. Garfield, one. Foxtrot. No. Foxtrot's pretty good. Foxtrot's pretty good Farside, two. Garfield, three. Farside's one. Garfield, one. Foxtrot. No. Foxtrot's pretty good. Foxtrot's pretty good.

It's not better than Garfield. Garfield. It's a Marshall thing, too, to him. It is, yeah. Okay, all right. No. Foxtrot? Foxtrot sucks.

You're a fucking idiot. We all had that one kid in school who would read Foxtrot sucks. You're a fucking idiot. We all had that one kid in school who would read Foxtrot. What was the Foxtrot, just how do you say it? Like the main character? What is like the fucking premise of Foxtrot? I have no idea. I don't remember Foxtrot very well. I remember Snuffy Smith.

I remember Family Circus. What was the like military one? Beetle Bailey. Beetle Bailey. Yeah. I only ever reallycus. What was the military one? Beetle Bailey. I only ever really got into Calvin and Hobbes. I had the big ass books. Yeah. I had those too. Those were great. I didn't like Calvin and Hobbes. You didn't like Calvin and Hobbes? No.

You know the chick that does Kathy is actually kind of hot? Is she? Isn't that shocking? But Kathy's not hot. Yeah, and I feel like anybody that likes Kathy can't be hot. Are there any hot comic book characters? There's not any hot comic strips. What do you mean the chick that does Kathy?

Like, Daryl Drosser. Drosser. The author of Kathy, who I think is named Kathy. Oh, this isn't just a cat. This is a whole. You know the Kathy? No. The act?

I don't think. Do you guys follow Pipe Garfield or Garfield Pipe on Twitter? I don't do Garfield Pipe. I follow Garfield Pipe. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right?

Yeah. Kind of looks like her, though. But if you were to picture a woman who's into those comics. You wouldn't picture her. It's probably not a lot of women. Right. Yeah. It's probably a lot of children.

Because they're funny. Apparently, yeah. Brandon, you'd follow Garfield Pipe on Right. It's probably a lot of children. Because they're funny. Apparently, yeah. Brandon, you'd like to follow Garfield Pipe on Twitter. What's Garfield Pipe? It's Garfield Comic Strips, but the last frame is always Garfield smoking a pipe. That's right. It's sick. Well, I got to go find that right now.

Yeah. Follow. Yeah. Garfield. This year I resolved to. It's an account of Garfield's comic strips But Garfield is in none of them So it doesn't actually look like his owner is schizophrenic

Garfield minus Garfield Yeah but this one's Garfield pipe I like a lot more Well there's nothing better than seeing Garfield Just putting one down Did you go see the Garfield movies? No I'm not that big into it Do you like Andrew Garfield? Is he the Spider-Man?

Yeah He wasn't a good Spider-man or uh james garfield great president yeah top 45 president what about uh the voice of the garfield in the movies was that kevin spacey i remember him voicing a cat i thought it was toe not toe for who's the other one breckin maya i am uh He was the... Kevin Spacey voiced a cat once. The guy who does the rhyming. Bill Murray was Garfield. Dr. Seuss. The Tale of Two Kitties. That's pretty good.

You never saw the movie? Dr. Seuss, cat. Dr. Seuss. The cat. That was Kevin Spacey. No, it wasn't. That was Mike Myers. Okay.

Kevin Spacey doing Cat in the Hat would be nuts. Oh, he did Nine Lives? Yeah, yeah. Nine Lives is a bad movie. Did you sneak into the movie theater to watch that? I snuck into the movie theater to watch Sausage Party, and Nine Lives was what we got tickets to. And then they kicked us out because we were the only ones that bought tickets to Nine Lives.

Yeah. And they went into Nine Lives and there was no one in there. And they're like, well, they must have gone to Sausage Party. And then they pulled us out of the theater and made us go watch Nine Lives. Pardo move. How was it? You can go to prison or you can watch Nine Lives. I watched it for like 10 minutes and then I snuck back into Sausage Party.

Okay. And I sat in between two people so that they couldn't find me. Well, Sausage Party, that, was it sold out? It was packed. Yeah. Yeah. It was a big release. Was it, were you too young to go to Sausage Party, or was it?

Yeah. Yeah. You didn't have your parent with you, or guardian. Yeah. Damn. I snuck into Memoirs of a Geisha. Yeah? Yeah.

How was that? Pretty fucking good. Sneaking into movies was the best. That was like the first thrill I ever... I've never snuck into a movie. Wow.

Which one's this? Sausage Party or... Sausage Party. Kind of underwhelming. Not a great movie. Yeah, not as funny as I would hope. But a ton of hype.

Yeah, the orgy scene is very funny. Oh, yeah. That was a good one. But aside from that, it wasn't great. I haven't seen it. Not at all.

The douche is funny, too. Yes was a good one. But aside from that, it wasn't great. I haven't seen it. Not at all. The douche is funny, too. Yes. Is that the... There's a douche in it? Yeah. Yeah. Good to know. The Yak is brought to you by Body Armor.

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Body Armor. There's all of our – so that's you with lebron's arms okay well no but i want his arms his legs if we could can we sell this as like a poster yeah sticker pack this on a t-shirt yeah easy enough to explain just tweet out the picture with no caption yeah you didn't watch the show you're just like what the fuck is this i think you can put it together though oh those are sydney sweeney's tits on jack o'neill kb with lebron's arms no because when whenever you tweet shit out like that you're inevitably inviting a bunch of people that don't follow the show and then

i follow a lot of sydney sweeney's tits on certain things accounts oh you do oh yeah yeah really yeah like what what are the accounts best of Sidney Sweeney yep really

oh yeah that's an account it's on my algo I feel like you could just she's been nude so many times can't you just google it yeah or you need to get you wanted to sprinkle it into the

I like the chase yeah I like the chase refreshing the feed being like why haven't they posted I have to pay for HBO to see them yeah it feed, being like, why haven't they posted? I have to pay for HBO to see them. Yeah.

It's like a war crime and then her tits back to back. Yeah, yeah. Nice refresher. That is good. A little palate cleanse. Yeah. What's her butt look like? Probably Deese.

Deese. Tits carry. Yeah. I don't know. Her small little tittiesies her little perky things kb you ever wrestle a girl i'm gonna i'm gonna accuse sydney of stuffing kyle have you ever wrestled yeah and i fucking remember her name tear her out it was at harbor creek in erie you fuck her up yeah It was at Harbor Creek in Erie. You fuck her up?

Yeah, it was a tech fall. I didn't pin her on purpose so I could be on the mat longer. Nice. It's like the mercy rule of wrestling. Should die. It's not great. Should die. Who's that? Why did we post this?

You declined my picture. My picture was way better than that one. Yeah, why did they post this? I feel like I'm a fucking hero. Every time you're on the Yak, it just, the Yak exists to make you look. I know. What is it? I was ready. Yeah, you posed for that

picture. I did pose for it, but it could have been a heads up. Like, you look fucking nuts in there. Why didn't you say anything? You gotta be like, yo, you look Hey, what do you want him to say? Like, hey, you look ugly as hell? Yeah, let's get a redo on this one.

Why do you look like that? Hold on, let me make sure four strands are... I didn't realize there was anything bad with that. I mean, I look like I just fucking got out of... I'm about to check myself into rehab. That's what that looks like. That's a before picture. And I'm like, thanks, guys. Oh, that's a before picture. We were on air like a minute after this.

I thought it was fine. Oh, so there's the most tired man on earth. Yeah. I mean, I am exhausted. Sass last night in the green room, he was like, nobody is more tired than I am. Really? Well, because they're like, I was like, yeah, they're a tired crowd. And then I'm like, I'm tired.

I'm fucking tired. I literally have been traveling for like a month straight. Fucking exhausted. Yeah. I'm wiped. Yeah. You're going to end up getting sick. I am getting sick right now.

Yeah. Actively. Yeah. Good to know. Good to know. Guess I'll wear a hat tonight. Your hair's pretty long, man. It is.

I got to get it cut. Maybe I'll get it cut today. They got good cut? They got good trimmers out here? I don't think anybody's found one. I. It is. I got to get it cut. Maybe I'll get it cut today. They got good cut? They got good trimmers out here? I don't think anybody's found one. I wouldn't know. Super cuts? Nicky hasn't done it.

They don't have a super cuts out here? I'm sure they do somewhere. That's what I need. I'll get you the MVP at Sports Clips. I could do that. Get a little massage. I would go just for the massage. Yeah, get the Tom Brady.

What's that? The cut, bro. Which one? Tom Brady. He's had many. What's the most... Dude, when I Which one? Tom Brady. He's had many. What's the most, dude, when I bring, it's so embarrassing to bring pictures in to show the person that's cutting your hair. I just bring pictures of myself. You go picture yourself?

Yeah, I go, this is my last haircut, make it look like that. I've never had a good haircut. I have like one screenshot I go to. I've never had a good haircut either. Not one time. Yeah. I've never once left a barber and been like, I look pretty fucking good. Yeah.

Every single time. Have you ever cried in the rear view mirror? Oh, yeah. I've never once left a barber and been like, I look pretty fucking good. Yeah. Every single time. Have you ever cried in the rear view mirror? Oh, yeah. I've held back tears. I held back tears in New York, and the dude was like, spread the word, best haircut in New York. And I was like, totally. Will do.

Have you ever said no when they spin it around? They're like, what do you think? Have you ever been? No. I always say yes. I once stopped at a women's salon on the way home from the barber. Oh, yeah. I had to have them fix it.

Yeah. That's how bad it was. I had somebody – I went somewhere else, and they brought out all the other beauticians to look at what was done to me. I once told a guy I just wanted a little messy on the top, and he cut it exactly like Ricky Martin's hair in 1999. Yeah. Where Ricky Martin had a buzz cut with like seven spikes. I need to see that. Dude, me and Mook were talking about this.

That's the one I stopped at a salon and said, you've got to fix this. Yeah. Every time I leave the barber, they gel me up real good. And it's like all separated. And I turn around and I'm like, oh. I look like G-Eazy. Yeah. Every single time.

Yeah. I swear there's only one haircut. My hair is glued down. Yeah. I go when I say, I'll just get a normal haircut. Just give me one boys. One normal boys. One boys.

One small child. Give me a little boy haircut. Scissors everywhere. No need to be bringing out the fucking clippers. No. Don't get crazy. And then they're like, do you want me to style it? No.

No. Need any gel? No. No. I don't know what I'm going to do when it comes time. My last haircut I got was way too short. I showed him a picture of Ashton Kutcher, and it's like the length it is now, but that was four months ago. And she was like, I cut it shorter so you won't have to come back here as often.

What? Yeah, that's not what I asked. That's not the haircut. Yeah, they just improvised. You must cut a shorter shirt. Yeah. So I can see you. Is that horrible?

I went to a gay guy in Philly. I was like, yeah, just trim it. He's like, I'm going to give you the Leonardo DiCaprio. Yeah. I was like, no, you're not. Dude, they would have the side wrapping around the back of my head. Yeah. Insane.

And every time I get a haircut, I leave and I look like Ellen. I hate when barbers don't go in the order you expect them to go into. And they'll trim the one side and then you got the bowl cut. And you're just in fucking panic. You're like, please tell me you're going to fix this. Please tell me you're going to fix it. Please tell me you're going to fix it. I hate it when it's too short already and they just keep going.

Oh, yeah. The last one I went to, the guy didn't let me face the mirror so I was just back turned the entire time I think I'd rather do that actually I would have no anxiety I had anxiety the entire time I would be like I'm sure he's killing it

I would lie to myself but being able to see every move that's interesting yeah I had a good barber in Philly he was a he was a problem, though. What? Yeah, he was very racist. Was it Sweeney Todd?

No. I actually don't want to expose him. He's the man. Okay. You said he was very racist. You think he's the man? He's very racist. He's the man.

He was good to me. Back to back. Probably is the man if you are white. Oh, yeah. No, he wasn't white, though. Oh, shit. Yeah, he's Muslim. Oh, shit. Yeah, he's Muslim. Oh, okay.

Yeah. Those guys are really racist? Yeah. They don't give a fuck. I'm not going to say it. They're like a different. They're on a different picture. Oh, shit.

My God. Yeah. They are longer than my legs You got taller I'm kind of pumped They're skinnier though I think if you did tweet that out No context

People would get it What's not to get? Giant titties on Sidney Sweeney I think that Sidney Sweeney titties Are the biggest problem Tweet this with the picture of the busted From Mythbusters I think what's not to get

Is how did you get there? What prompted a conversation To LeBron James arms picture of the busted from uh myth busts i think what's not to get is how did you get there what what prompted a conversation i went to lebron james arms on i want bridgewater's dick on yaoming oh yeah dude that's gonna look like yaoming just gotta have a cold shower or i think so no i'm forgetting i think it looks small that's what i'm saying. I think it looks small. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. I think LeBron's dick probably looks small. But it's probably like eight inches or nine inches. But he's so big that it probably looks small. Pull up that Teddy Bridgewater photo.

Oh, my word. Bridgewater's dick is bigger than Yao Ming's now. Yes. Yeah, that's a hog. That's a good bird. Throw that on Yao. He's about good bird throw that on y'all he's about to shoot that with an elephant gun one tremors joke

tune in tomorrow imagine catching a dart in the dick like it's being hunted oh looks up at you dude yeah it's like a jealous boyfriend oh my god jealous jealous boyfriend Oh my god

Oh my god It ain't big Oh my god It's TJ We'd be like wow Yow Yeah yow

Go down to Where it says normal On your layers Can you Yeah Where it says normal Drop down and make it multiply No maybe screen

Yeah That'll probably make it Look a little bit better One of those oh wow yeah right through the white one oh it looks small oh it doesn't look small but it's not crazy it doesn't look crazy big sorry teddy no little dick teddy ld put glenny ball's head on shack yeah can we do that freaky might as well as well man crossed the line already let's get freakier

who has a big fucking head uh um i've heard matt damon has a big fucking head? I've heard Matt Damon has a very large head. Put Double Vodka Don on Shaq. Oh, that big Dominican boy? Hold on. Who has a big head? What about that movie or that redhead? What redhead? Oh, Jerry Maguire.

You talking about Rocky Dennis? Rocky Dennis. Mask? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Sorry in advance for the comparisons, Mook. It's okay. Peyton Manning?

Peyton Manning. Put Peyton Manning's head on Shaq? Was he like a big forehead? Big forehead, yeah. Big forehead. Yeah. Has anyone seen that Chief Keef DM interaction? Put balls on Shaq.

Where he replies to that girl and he goes, forehead bow big as fuck. Katy Perry can suck skin off my dick. What? I mean, come on. You guys know it. Chief Keef tweeted, Katy Perry can suck skin off my dick. But then they apologized to each other.

She came at him first. Wait, she came at him first? She was saying, hate being sober is such a disgraceful mantra. Oh. I thought he was hyping up Katy Perry. Then Katy Perry apologized to Keith after he said she could suck the skin off

his dick. I'm sorry, I didn't know that was your song. Was that a compliment? That's kind of a compliment from him, right? That's what I thought. No, I was saying I think it's like saying suck my dick. I'm sorry I didn't know that was your song. Was that a compliment? That's kind of a compliment from him, right? That's what I thought. No, I was saying like I think it's like saying suck my dick. He's saying it like an action. Oh, I thought she meant like, I thought he meant like she's so hot that she could suck the

skin off my dick and I'd be fine with that. I'll tell you what she can do. She can suck the skin off my dick. Right. But that's like, she'd be getting the last laugh if she sucked the skin off me. Yeah, that'd be like the most painful thing. The degloving is what it's called. Don't Google that. Oh, my God.

It happens when dudes fuck conditioner bottles. Really? Yeah. Because they get hard in there and it gets. Holy shit. Why are you freaking out? It's like, I've been living on the edge. That actually looks like.

It looks right. Yeah. Glennie fits in well there. He does. Oh, yeah. I thought it would be a lot smaller. Next episode of Only Stands. That would be a hell of a crew.

Honestly, like, I'm not trying to sound like a pig. Sydney Sweeney's never looked better. She looks really good. She does look good. Like, that's a girl you want to take home to your parents. She just makes me laugh, Mark. She gets me. My parents are going gonna fucking love you Dude

Forget her home I'm gonna like meet your grandma on Thanksgiving This is my girlfriend She's gonna need her own table at Thanksgiving dinner Yeah We got the kids table, the adults table, and then just the Sydney table. For titties. Can you put Sweeney next to me?

No. Come on. No. Real quick. Real quick. Put me in there. No, put her next to me. Dude.

Thank you. Oh, wow. Little thanks. thank you oh wow little thanks but kyle you have you take lebron's lay you would need forearms to grab those titties yeah that's actually an ideal situation for you no you don't want to block bridge bridgewater's cock okay perfect i guess yeah she can stand over there i'm not worried about those they can't go that far she's not getting far with and uh brandon for the podcast listeners why don't you describe what we're looking at okay well left to right uh left to right we have kyle with lebron james's arms as his arms and lebron james's arms as his legs, we have Kyle with LeBron James' arms as his arms and LeBron James' arms as his legs. We have Yao Ming with Sidney Sweeney's enlarged breasts.

Those are enlarged, yeah. Yeah, and then – I kind of want him with just the cock. Take the titties off him. Put the titties on the floor for now. Put the titties on the floor for now put the titties on the floor whoa you're stepping on her titties titties on the ground are you stepping on him or grabbing him that's a quite the quandary it's a paradox yeah okay

now that like that it looks good it kind of my brain has tricked me into thinking that looks pretty normal with the

Sweeney yeah with the if only man yeah that's how it used to fucking be I'll fuck with this

dude just like... Bring a girl home to your parents whose tits are bigger than her. Do you like her, Nick? I really do. As long as you're happy. Very. He's not getting in the front door no

no he's going through the garage door for sure or if there's some sort of sliding door sliding glass door I'm in the garage I'm bringing my girlfriend over

yeah she'd have to have longer spoons and forks to eat with us right oh yeah she'd have to spread the titty that's the eat with us right oh yeah she'd have to spread the tit that's the type that i'm going to settle down once i find somebody that has to get different silverware to eat i mean they're too big it's kind of like when like a fat dude can't see his dick like she wouldn't be able to see the plate she wouldn't know what she's eating i think she'd

have to just go between her tits. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Definitely. Or balance it on the tits. I'll be sick. Those double over as a table. TV tray. Yeah. Oh, man. We have Boy Dad Live after this.

Yeah, 3 o'clock Eastern. Yeah, so in like 30 minutes. Yeah, you're probably going to be the exact same people. Keep it rolling. Switching over to a different channel. We have Aiden coming on. I think they actually. Oh, you look probably going to be the exact same people. Keep it rolling. Switching over to a different channel. We have Aiden coming on. I think they actually. Oh, is he coming? Yeah, he's like five minutes away.

Awesome. Aiden McCluskey, very funny comic out of Minnesota. Very cool. Featuring this week at Zany's. Very cool, very cool. They do need to stay five minutes early. They have like 30 minutes of set up to do. Oh, okay.

So now? Yeah. Five minutes. like 30 minutes of setup to do. Oh, okay. So now? Five minutes. Yeah. Spin the wheel? Yeah. I forgot you guys do that shit. I'm just going to say I'm out of it. Well, you're not.

What's going to happen if I don't do it? Nothing. Well, we'll kick you off the show. Still on the logo, brother. Wouldn't be the worst thing in the world dry guys dry guys anything else boys

you'll be back tomorrow I'll be here all week all week hell yeah yep all right all freaking week we have a real bare bones crew Friday, so we could use you.

What's Friday? That's two days from now. Yeah, no. Who's the crew? Me, you, Titus. I'm gone. That'd be good. Wait, am I gone?

I'm here. Where are you at? I'm here. I'm here. I'm gone. Tennessee. GSM's. Yeah, I'll be here.

Let's get boozy Friday. All right. Where are you at? I'm down. I'm going to Baton Rouge for the college football show. Anybody else going to be there? I'm sure. Yeah.

Yeah. Sure. Got to put the hours in. Yeah. God damn it. All right. We can end it right there. All right.

That's a yak. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right.

All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right.

All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. It's the act It's the act Get your straws, yeah, style a tape for a while It's the act

It's the act It's the act Yeah, it's time to talk shop or do a Yankee swap It's the act It's the act. It's the act. Bye.