The Yak - Sas is on Top of the World After a 17-Minute Nap | The Yak 7-31-23

Episode Date: July 31, 2023

Shoutout Isaac NewtonYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Yo, DJ, hold that up. Yo, yo, yo, it's the Yak. It's a Monday Yak. Nick, KB, Lil Sasquatch. And you know that we're, as usual, brought to you by Roback, the good folks over here at Rob Roback Let's not get it twisted It's still the summertime

And it's still time where you can wear some lovely Roback I'm talking about a quarter zip Maybe a hoodie Maybe a polo All those fellas who are broadcasting golf all weekend That's the type of shit I'm talking about Roback You can buy that shit at Roback.com R-H-O-B-A-C-K.com were broadcasting golf all weekend that's the type of shit i'm talking about roback you could buy that shit at roback.com r-h-o-b-a-c-k.com use code yak 20 off your first purchase through the

end of the week 20 off all polos hoodies shorts and more with code yak what's good my boys how was uh how was your guys adventure to nua? What a wonderful day that was. Was it really? Yeah. Yeah. A lot of Barstool fans turned out. It was like the highest selling beer night they've ever had there. Because you know the boys party.

Of course. That line was crazy. And it was a really, really busy, tiring day. What was tiring about it? The prep work that goes into being a secondary independent mascot. Who would have thought? Yeah, there's a lot that goes into it. The game was at 6.

I think he had to start rehearsal at 2. Oh, my God. Yeah, we met at 9 a.m. in the lobby to go over stuff. A lot goes into it. Long game, too. Holy shit. It ended up being 25- 25 the two would have mercy ruled it but we were there filming it so they were like okay we called off the mercy we turned

off the mercy rule and so for you guys yeah for us yeah minor league baseball is so unserious yeah and so no mercy rule they were very accommodating obviously it was dramatic because this team beat them 22 to 1 earlier in the season they i guess they hate each other they called off the mercy rule for no reason what the hell so you guys are just watching a uh just a historic back and forth hot fields mccoys and capulets and montagues and what uh did were you guys drinking i saw you were rattling off capitals yeah Yeah, I had three drinks. How did you say the capital of the Bahamas? I said, did I say it wrong?

I don't know. You said it funny. You were matching that woman's energy one for one. Nassau. Yeah, she hit you with the Long Island. First of all, she didn't disrespect to hit you alphabetically with countries. That was like a piss. You got to randomize that shit.

Why? It's too easy? I could have easily just, you know, pulled up Wikipedia. Are you mirroring her intonation? No, I'm like not as nervous as you'd think. You don't look nervous. There's no reason to be nervous for this. Yeah, that's when she fucked me up. I thought she was saying some fucked up country.

She said, you're on a roll here. And you weaved her statement. Wait, did you dodge that, her statement? I dodged it. I thought she was giving me a fake country. Yeah, he dipped out. That was fucking awesome, though. It's funny that minor league teams will just, like,

they'll change everything for, I guess, publicity. They need people through the door. It's a crazy system. Yeah, but I think it went well. I'm excited. We're almost done with the filming portions of it. A few more things here and there. And it's officially in post.

How's it going to come out? Hopefully pretty good. I think it was pretty storybook. I think everything went well, every shoot, but I've never done anything like this. Yeah, it might fucking blow. Yeah, so it's not going to be like, yeah. People who are expecting a Barstool video might not like it.

Interesting. I think they will. Who's editing it? Michelangelo. I may. Nick will be throwing eyes. Yeah, I'll be there. And you will not.

I don't like watching myself, but I will. I feel that too. I don't like watching myself either. The one concern I have is it might be too heartwarming, so we're adding some comedy elements to it. Yeah, there's some tears. Are you guys planning on doing The one concern I have is it might be too heartwarming, so we're adding some comedy elements to it. Yeah.

There's some tears. Are you guys planning on doing one long? Yeah. We're not doing no parts. I don't want it to be long for the sake of it being long. Whatever it turns out to be, as long as the pacing's good, that'll be the time. Yeah. So 25 minutes to a fucking hour.

Who knows? Yeah. Documentaries are getting way too long. I've seen way too many just 10-part documentaries. Yeah. Netflix is putting out six Dude, documentaries are getting way too long. I've seen waves when you just 10 part documentary. Yeah, Netflix is putting out six parters

that are an hour each. That's a long time. It's like a school day. You should max out at three. They're wasting parts of the documentary on like nothing stories. Like on Red Heron.

That's what we have to do because like when you're doing this, everybody else is like pitching in their story and they're like, yeah, venture down that path. Like, there's definitely an art to keeping that edit really tight.

And some people had important stories, but were kind of boring. So we're erasing them from history. Of course. Feels awesome. There is a guy, should we talk about him, who thought like it was going to be about him? Yeah. He was a true villain.

Why? Was it the guy that tackled? They worked for the team. He claimed that he invented the mascot, but he didn't. And he was like... He expected us to invite him to New York. Yeah, he was mad he didn't get invited to New York when we invited Monkey Boy. Yeah.

How did he express that he was mad? Via text. They did like a mafia-style sit-down dinner with Monkey Boy the night before the game. It was like doing this shit. You tented his fingers? How can we add me to this? What the fuck? But I guess he really hinges his personality around the fact that he's linked to Monkey Boy.

Yeah. That's going to be, I'm looking forward to it immensely. Where's Clemmer falling off this? Clemmer got to really... It's a story of redemption for everybody involved, but especially Chris Clemmer. He got to live his dream. How would you describe Clemmer during the game?

He was no fun nor games. Oh, my God. He was a little dickish. He was straight business. He's like God. He was a little dickish. He was straight business. Like, I'll have fun after the game. I'm like, dude, this is the fun. No laughs until the 10th.

No laughs until the 10th was the rule. Why? And, like, we were, like, so we were going to go interview people waiting in line for the game before gates. And it wasn't a big enough crowd yet, so we were waiting, waiting. maybe you should get out there maybe you should get out there get out there and we're like no we're good like and then we were sipping a little bit beforehand just to get loose and so we have no reservations making fools of ourselves and uh he he was not along he was that's not his method he didn't like that isn't he an alcoholic yeah i guess um he's essential the story, and I'm glad we got to do it with him. And he got a really cool moment that happened to him.

Oh, yeah? Yeah. Fucking good news. Yeah, this is going to be excellent. I just know that. We're not. Swear, I don't know. Well, just the lore around it.

It's going to be a must-watch. Maybe it will suck, like you're saying. No, you have to at least watch it because of all that's gone into it. It was definitely the least rushed thing we've ever done. it will suck like you're saying. You have to at least watch it because of all that's gone into it. It was definitely the least rushed thing we've ever done. That was cool to not have a deadline. Were there multiple cameras or just Michelangelo? We just got

one. Wow. That's going to be fucking sick. Shout out Bobby Costa and his cousin. We just, this anus listener, yak listener, barstool listener. PMT guy. Yeah, big PMT guy. He was in the area and we asked him to listener yak listener barstool listener emt guy a big pmt guy he was in the area and we like asked him to just be the second camera so he did it yeah with what camera did you just brought an extra camera and he just shot yeah it's not hard oh it ain't just pointing

and shooting oh especially when like when we shoot with like obes and he has that big ass stabilizer thing yeah you can get like sick ass shots and you're just holding this fucking contraption Just pointing and shooting? Oh, especially when we shoot with like Obes and he has that big ass stabilizer thing. Yeah. You can get like sick ass shots and you're just holding this fucking contraption. Really? Yeah. You can make it look great. Or if it looks a little dirty, I don't think it matters that much. Like, I don't know, as far as me shooting the smoke show.

Just getting a second angle is... Yeah, that's super helpful. You could shoot a whole movie on the fucking cinematic mode on the phone. Have you guys seen that? Yes. It's crazy how, like, dude, it's insane. My phone, like, if I open up, like, a website, it gets, like, 200 degrees and stops charging. I need a new phone badly.

Mine, too. It hums. The Barstool website at my computer is sounding like a steam engine. I don't know what it is about the bar put the laptop in the fucking freezer put it down damn i didn't know we still had a website yeah backbone of this company it's fine blog yeah there's tons of links to videos on there yeah it's sick sass they need to put you on a blog count. Hell no. I had a fucking rough morning.

What? Yeah, that was a... Mold? Yeah, I found a bunch of mold in my apartment. That'll get you. On the walls? In the closet on the side of the, like the bathrooms next to that. What color? Like white.

That's good mold. Yeah. Scrape it off with a butter knife? No, I'm going to have to do it today. It was actually really annoying, kind of a bummer. Yeah, that sucks. But you can't just cut off some mold and just eat whatever's underneath it. Yeah.

That's how my mom definitely does it. People were saying they did that with bread. Like that makes the situation go away. On all kinds of things. Bread, fruit, potatoes, and shit like that or like if it was in some like potato salad she just like take the part i think it comes from her mom it must have been poor poor poor yeah like why else would you do that shit bread mold is gross too yeah yeah it's green psychedelic yeah so do you feel sick or anything no not at all i just found it i don't

know convince yourself here pretty soon No, I don't think it's bad mold I think it's just straight up from it being humid And the water Oh yeah, just good mold It's not black mold Are mushrooms mold? Yeah, I think

No, they're not fungus Interesting I wonder if there are good molds that you can eat. Yeah. Cheese might be. Blue cheese. Talk to us nice, daddy. Tell us about mold. Someone chime in.

You got something to say? Clemmer actually wasn't a dick, but he was very serious. I know. Tell us about the mold. Blue cheese cheese dry aging steaks any kind of fermentation uh chung uh any kind of like fermented food is technically like why are you giggling at chung it's my dad is that his dad's name chum's name is chung first part of it yeah what's your dad's name oh he has a double name double name? Yeah. Oh, so, okay. What is it?

Chung Lee? I don't want to. I was going to say, too, but I was worried that that was too far. He's got Chung so far. There's no. What is it? Is it another Chung-like syllable? No, no.

Chung Jeff? Say it. Say your pop's name. Chung Kong Che. You were right. Yeah. That your pop's name. Chung Kong Che. You were right. Yeah. That's a good name. You laugh.

You laugh, though. I'm not laughing at the name. I'm laughing at you laughing. What? Yeah, you sat on Kong. Of course, we're going to. If you sit on Kong, I'm going to laugh. Yeah, that was good. Good to live. The fact that Chung was a type of Kong, I'm going to laugh. Yeah, that was good.

Good delivery. It's the fact that Chung was a type of mold. I think that was funny. What is Chung? Chung isn't so much, like, that just creates a lot of mold. Basically, that's like fermenting fruits and other things in, like, just pure sugar. And all the sugar pulls out the moisture and you make, like, a really nice syrup. Have you been to jail?

Yeah, that's a jail ass food. It's just tasty. You gotta get some chung in here this week. You get syrup. My dad is retired. What? I never asked this.

What part of China? Hong Kong. Ah. Ah. Kowloon. Kowloon Bay? I don't know the exact town.

Where's Kowloon Bay in Hong Kong? I don't know. That whole Pearl Where's Calum Bay in Hong Kong? That whole Pearl River Delta probably has like a billion people. Really? If you can believe that much, yeah. That's an island, right? Yeah. The whole area. Guangzhou.

Oh, the surrounding areas outside. Yeah, it's nuts. What was the significance of umbrellas out there? Guangzhou and... Oh, the surrounding areas outside. Yeah, it's nuts. What do they... What was the significance of umbrellas out there? They... That's to avoid sun. I thought that there was like protests with umbrellas or some shit like that. Oh.

Recently or historically? Within the last five years. I don't know. Break it down. Break it down for us, Chad. Mary Poppins? I don't know. In China? No. I don't know break it down Mary Poppins I don't know in China

no there's a real answer any good musicals out recently Sweeney Todd's got Josh Groban that's big ass his mic's not on but I read his lips yeah I saw that I saw that in previews there's Grey House which is like Nice. That's big ass. Your mic's not on. His mic's not on, but I read his lips. Yeah, I saw that in previews. There's Grey House, which is like a thriller kind of horror supposed to be played.

That was surprisingly good. So, yeah, there's good stuff. Oh, yes. I fuck with Josh Groban heavily. I really fuck with Josh Groban. He's a funny ass dude. One of the best crooners out. Him and Buble. Buble's just a good dude.

Huh? Gotta get on him. Groban? Yeah. I don't know any Groban. I've heard of him. He does Christmas shit. That's Buble. They both do.

Groban does. They both do. Okay. Groban was You Raise Me Up. You raise me up. Oh, I know Groban. He doesn't have the look of someone who sang that, does he? Certainly not.

That's what I thought. He was also the douchebag boyfriend in Crazy Stupid Love. Something like that. Ryan Gosling? Crazy Stupid Asians or something. That's Crazy Rich Asians. Yeah. I watched that this weekend.

Did you? Henry Golding. I forgot to see that. Yeah, he is. And Awkwafina's- People think he's like the best. Huh? People think he's like the best looking dude in the world.

Do you? No. Henry Golding? Yeah. Who do you think is the best looking dude in the world? I don't know.

I just know that that's like a very popular... Might have my vote. Yeah? Yeah. I was trying to think of it the other day. I don't really have an answer.

Ever since Brad Pitt got gross. Is he gross now? Old. He's just old. Old? Is he like 60? Probably. Yeah know. He's just old. Old? Is he like 60? Probably.

Yeah. He probably still fucks like crazy. He fucks like he's 12. I don't know, man. I think when you turn 80, you start fucking like you're 12. Yeah. You revert. It's a horseshoe theory.

Yeah. As soon as you hit 80, you start fucking like a child 12 yeah you revert it's a horseshoe theory yeah as soon as you hit 80 you start fucking like a child yeah like you know someone on twitter the other day was saying that the reason that dudes come so fast is because we're like trained to because you've been like evolutionary yeah we were trained to reproduce and that before the lions came yeah yeah to like flee the area that's a cope you gotta Yeah. That's why I cum so fast. I don't think there was like nowhere to fuck at the point they were like, we have to fuck fast so that we don't get eaten by lions.

I mean, that probably happened once. Yeah. Yeah. That'd be hilarious. Some other, I mean, most other animals, like the lion comes fast. Yeah. Do they nowadays? Roll over after 12 strokes.

I think like a tortoise can orgasm for like 13 hours. Really? They only go a lot. That feels like that would be debilitating. Yeah, it would probably come in waves. Yeah, that would suck. It is too short, the average orgasm. Yeah, I don't know, man.

It lasts longer if you moan. We saw a turtle fucking together. Me, you, and Brandon. Yeah, we did. Wild bones. That sounds really good. That's a really good impression of a turtle. It sounded like it would be good

Yeah They live to like 150 It's the best cum Yeah I think they keep on fucking Is there like an animal that feels the best orgasm? I think there's one animal Yeah, I've read this

Hours long orgasm It might not be a tortoise Is it a dolphin? No I would excuse the I feel like the R word. I feel like the... What is the sweet spot?

A minute? It's still probably long. Think of a minute-long song. I think the lead-up should be way longer. Imagine how your face would look after 30 minutes of coming. Domestic? Oh, pigs, yes.

I've heard this. 90-minute orgasms. When a pilot hits 9 Gs. Yeah, pigs, yes, yes. I've heard this. 90 minute orgasms. Like when a pilot hits 9 G's. Yeah, that's what it would start to look like, but you wouldn't be moving. It's gotta be nice. I bet it's nice. You don't think it's nice? Oh, wait, how long did it say? 90 minutes for some pigs.

You know when you drop acid for the first time and you're like, I want a guide, somebody that's sober there. That would be coming. I need you there to make sure I'm cool. You're good, you're good. Brush my hair. Working somebody that's sober there. That would be like coming. I need you there to make sure I'm cool, make sure I'm safe. Brush my hair. Working out of it. You're getting out of it? You're right here with me. Focus on the breath.

I'm going to make you come like a pig. Wait, is there a video of like, I just want to see its face. Yeah, pull that up. We eat these. Yeah, I feel like this has to be like what animals come the hardest and longest. You can probably measure that in brain waves or some type of CT scan or something like that. Like that's a clear biological reaction that's going on.

I feel like we can know exactly about that. But what if pigs are just really dramatic? Yeah. If it's not even there. They what if pigs are just really dramatic? Yeah. Yeah. If it's not even nice. They're showmen. They're great showmen. Did we spend enough time on Chong Kong?

Chong Kong? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Easy there, buddy. Easy. Oh, scary for a similar guy. We're throwing ad libs in. Is he neurologically similar to you? He's 5'5".

That's physically. Yeah. Neurologically? Is his personality the same? Definitely is. I mean, you guys... What does he pass to you? Is he wise?

Definitely. I mean, you'd have to think so, right? What does he pass to me? He loves to go fishing. He goes fishing. Yeah, that's what I wanted. Like, sports-wise. Does he like NFL?

Yeah, he likes all the major sports, actually. Fishing for, like, what type of fish? Blue fish? Okay. Nickler's ready to erupt on one certain fish. Does he like the Bucs or just NFL in general? He likes the Jets and the Giants, so he's a weird fan where he likes all of the teams. You give him shit about that?

Yeah, that's why I don't like those teams. You hate that, right? Yeah. You say you can't claim two. Yeah. Can't do it. Wrong. So that's why I like the Bucs.

But your dad does it. So? And you love him. Yeah, so? Do you have other tall relatives, or were you just a complete anomaly? Yeah, some tall, some like six-foot cousins. Yeah? Nothing crazy.

I'm the biggest one. Let's go! You're the biggest in the family. Yeah. How does that manifest itself at kickbacks? What type of kickbacks? Family barbecues. Someone serving a bunch of pie

or something like that. Oh yeah, I had pie this weekend. Yeah, you had multiple pies. On a non-holiday. Crazy. Purely by coincidence? Purely by coincidence. I had no idea there was going to be pie there.

That's a nice surprise. The first picks were iffy. Because it looked dry. You ran up the score with the vanilla ice cream. Yeah. They all had, so I took, I had three pieces of pie,

two piece, one was apple pie, which honestly was a little dry. And then one was strawberry blueberry. That was awesome. Combined. Yes. And it had those like,

whatever those like, intersections of crust on top are. So those were good. I put vanilla ice cream on all of them and got another piece of the strawberry blueberry. It was incredible. Yeah. I guess the apples are out of season. So you can forgive that.

Is that right? I don't fucking know. But I associate apples with the fall. Oh, yeah. There you go. So does Isaac Newton. Stop, bro.. Oh, yeah. Big time. There you go. So does Isaac Newton. Stop, bro. Stop this, dude. Leave us alone with your fucking rapier.

A lot of people probably didn't get that one. Yeah. Holy fuck. There, dude, have you guys seen the videos of turtles being racist? What? Against shoes? No. What shoes don't they wear?

Jordans or foam posits? Foam posits took DC by storm, dude. That was crazy. That was a DC thing that it was. That was their thing. They, like, headbutt. They'll, like, repeatedly headbutt a black shoe and, like, we'll just walk around a white shoe. Oh, my God.

Hell of a headbutt. Black and brown. I'm with the loafer. The maroon. Oh, he's fucking the... Yeah, he wanted to fuck the loafer. Red. This guy's got two speeds.

All right. Go around. I can't fuck the loafer. Red. This guy's got two speeds. All right. Go around. I can't fuck it. Go around. Blue. The slide. Break. Purple.

Oh, shit. Oh, the Tim. Buttis. Fuck the Tim. Fuck the Buttis. Oh, fuck the Construct. Fuck the Tim. See?

Oh. Oh, that sound was wild. Those court visions. He's cool about the court visions. Turtles rule, man. Yeah. They're funny. They really do.

And they're like pretty harmless. I heard they taste pretty good too. Yeah, they do. Have you had a turtle soup? I've had turtle soup. The bait and switch. You thought it was a white shoe all along. Bait and digs beat.

What the hell? Oh, shit. Yeah. No way. What the fuck? The fact that that's how they fight, too. I guess they have no... Wait, the turtle's name is just Tommy? That's the funny...

They're just tormenting him. This is his worst nightmare. With the white toes. Alright. Made it out. So they do that to each other when they're mad? I guess. I don't know.

I can't see one of them winning the fight. Like, how do you win that fight if two turtles fight one another and they crack their skull? Or maybe they just do it to other animals to protect themselves. I don't know what other animals would be affected by that, though. Right? Maybe a bird? Yeah. Maybe a bird that's injured?

Oh, he almost did it. Look at this. It's pretty... Oh, is it fun for him? I don't think so. I think it's an act of aggression. He's really getting in there. Maybe it's just this one.

Zombie! Oh, he's hurt. He's dizzy. He's concussed. We need to get him in the protocol. We need to get him one of those new style helmets. Susses it out. Maybe he's learning.

Fascinating creatures. I have a newfound respect for minks. Yeah? Saw a video of them hunting giant rat infestations very well. Minks? What does a mink even look like? You can spend a smooth hour watching this video. What's a mink look like?

Real tiny. Kind of like a rat. Like a cat? It wasn't much bigger than the rats it was killing. People use minks to describe a sexy person. Like a sexy lady. Yeah, I think the fur is expensive. And that's, you know, they call them, there's a lot of mink fur farms.

Mink and chinchilla. So if someone calls someone a little minx, is that the same thing? Yeah, minx is M-I-N-X. Mink is M-I-N-K. Yeah. Yeah, M-I-N-X. So what's that? What's a minx? It's like a sex kitten.

Yeah, I guess so. There was an Asian one on Test Drive. It was an Asian sex kitten. I think she was one of the racers. I think all sex kittens are Asian. Yeah. A large amount. Sex kittens.

Our local in-house Asian expert. Oh, man. I don't know. We spoke too soon. What? Are you getting different nationalities of sex kittens? Yeah, much different. Eastern Europeans or?

Got to be some Eastern Europeans sprinkled in there. Sass, what are you about to do about this mold? I don't know. I'm kind of stressed out about it. Why don't you move? I was just mumbling to myself this morning about everything that's wrong with my apartment and how much money I pay for it. Yeah.

It's honestly, it's a great apartment, so I'm not going to move. You do pay a lot, though. Yeah. But, yeah, I'm just going to clean. You do pay a lot, though. Yeah. But, no, I'm just going to clean. I'm going to do an aggressive clean tonight. Just chop it off? Yeah. Chop off the mold?

Yeah, dude, that shit's brutal. Yeah. But are people still getting bad sicknesses from mold? I was sick for like seven months. Don't you recall? I guess that was from the mold. Yeah.

People blame mold for a lot of things. Yeah. You have like symptoms. People be like, it could be mold. Are you seeing that somebody got

tapeworm cancer? They got a tapeworm that had cancer and it passed on to them? No, that's dark. That's mold. That's awful. That's terrifying.

Bummer. That would suck. I'll get. Bummer. That would suck. I'll get real skinny, though. Yeah, my God, that would be the skinniest person. Was it a girl that got it? I don't know, yeah, maybe she took it intentionally. That's a thing. Yeah.

People just sucking down a plate of tapeworms like spaghetti. Lady and the Trampet. Yeah. Ew, gross. I saw a hamster eating spaghetti. Cute. Waiting in the trampet. Yeah. Ew, gross. I saw a hamster eating spaghetti. Cute. That's what I wanted to hear. Oh my god.

It was so cute. Hamsters are cute as hell. They use both hands. It was just like... Gross. That's not gross. No, hamsters are gross. What's not?

What do you think is spaghetti? How is that gross? That is cute to you. That's like the cutest imaginable thing. Unlike small animals. Look how cute it is. Oh, dude that gross? That is cute to you. That's like the cutest imaginable thing. Unlike small animals. Look how cute it is. Oh, dude.

Give him another one. Have another one. This has 15 million likes. Nothing to hate. There's nothing to dislike about it. Come on, Sass. Why is bro buff as hell? Skull emoji. Shoulders are crazy.

Spaghetti. Built like Mr. Incredible. Sass, give him his respect. Hell no. Why? I'm not into like rats. Rats are cute if you think about it. It's the tail. It's all the tail. It is about it Ew It's the Tail

It's all the tail Tail It is the tail It's like a hot dog Squirrels would be disgusting If they didn't have If they had a rat's tail Squirrels would be gross

Did I tell you guys about When I was walking home And the rat crawled on my shoe What? I was walking Oh wait yeah Your old apartment? No this was like recently

I was walking home And a rat ran across the street And it hit my shoe And I like walked And it flung up And it was like It felt like it weighed 10 pounds. Yeah, they're big.

Shot through the air. There's the steady diet of garbage. Yeah, it was nasty. Just getting thick with garbage, eating everything in their path. Yeah. Like eating a brick, and then insulation, then drywall, wood. Yeah. And then just whatever food they can find.

Gross. Ripping through trash bags. I hate rodents. That's why we need coyotes. Hamsters I do like. I was kidding whatever food they can find. Gross. Ripping through trash bags. I hate rodents. That's why we need coyotes. Hamsters I do like. I was kidding. I like hamsters. Do you think being a pigeon would be like kind of a sneaky good life?

Yeah, 100%. Better than a chicken. A lot of them are missing feet. So is that a crow? Or different? What? A pigeon. Different than a crow.

Have similar lives as crows? No, they're urban. They're urban ravens. Crows have an evilness to them. Crows are urban ravens. Crows are not urban. Crows live in cities. Have you seen how big ravens are? Ravens live in rural areas and live much longer.

Where's there a crow in a city? Oh, I see crows. Crows are definitely urban animals. There's definitely crows in South Florida. Absolutely. But ravens. You're not going to see ravens in the forest. I don't think I've ever seen a raven. Crows will caw. Ravens will do a different sound. You know what I really like? I like seagulls a lot. You like seagulls? Yeah, I really fuck

with seagulls. Why? They're the worst. When it comes to seabirds, I'm an albatross, man. Have you ever had a seagull snatch food out of your hand? That sucks. That's the worst part about them. When you're on the beach, you're taking my thrasher fries, dude. It's just funny that a bird would get that close to you

and just be like, I'm eating that. It's brave as fuck. Last year, my wife was on the boardwalk, got a Coors Brothers, like a soft serve ice cream cone, got it,

walked five feet, seagull bombed it, fell over. They gave her another one because they saw it, walked out, exact same thing happened. That's on her the second time. They gave her another one because they saw it. Walked out, exact same thing happened. That's on her the second time. They gave her another one or no?

Did they keep giving her another one? No, she was just like, all right, I'm out. It sounds like it would be like a short Charlie Chapman film. Charlie Chapman. Charlie Chaplin. Charlie, yeah. Same shit, whatever. Who the fuck?

The silent film of you got a fast car. Crazy Chapman. Very funny, Ron. Very, very funny. Thank you, brother. Zing. I saw you do stand-up comedy. That was very funny.

Now. Yes, it was. What are you talking about? I came to the show, a bunch of new material. Yeah? Nice. Saturday night. Oh, I might have to swing through.

Are you anywhere this week? Get your ass in the car and come. I don't know, probably. I think I'm in New your ass in the car and come. I don't know. Probably. I think I'm in New York all week. Yeah. Yeah. I want to go.

Yeah. It was fine. It was great. Yeah. He did an outdoor show, too, which was surprisingly good. The outdoor at the stand? Yeah. I think that's kind of awkward.

Not as super awkward. Not the fault of the comics, but like you have to wait. Seating the sidewalk, then the performer, right? They switched it so now all the seating is up front so people don't walk through the show anymore.

Okay. Yeah, but it's still pretty hard. It's not great. But you were doing good. Gesticulating, like air traffic control. Yeah, it was fun.

Do you have any people just like walking up any characters? Yeah, all the time. People will walk by and just stand and watch. Yeah. Yeah. I would. Yeah. Do you let the homeless people walk by and just stand and watch yeah yeah i would yeah

do you let the homeless people linger there's not that many homeless people around there uh half a million square yeah yeah that's true have you had to shut somebody up recently like tell them to shut up have you body bagged no i there was i did a show on friday maybe it was was a friday or saturday i forget and there was a lady who was talking the entire time and at one point she started playing music oh my god during your show on my set but someone else's set and then i think after that i went up and i said something but she didn't really talk at all during my set because i think she, I think it, when, when the music played, I think it kind of set in that she

was being like insane. Yeah. I think she was pretty embarrassed by that. You said two guys tried to say goodbye to you during a set. Oh yeah. Wasted. Wasted. Like in the middle of a joke, they're just like, bye bye.

No, they were like, they, they, they watched the show inside and then I had another set outside. And then when I was outside, they were like hanging around the show inside And then I had another set outside And then when I was outside They were like hanging around The entire time But they had gotten kicked out Like five times And they just wouldn't leave

They were just Because they were just Standing outside And they were like Are you going to go up again And I was like yeah I don't know if they thought It was going to be like

A different set And then like I started Doing my set And they started And then they left And they were like They were like trying to like Wave and say bye

But they were like Being like dead serious They weren't like joking They were like Well we should say bye And I'm like I don't dead serious. They weren't like joking. They were like, well, we should say bye. And I'm like, I don't know what they were expecting me to do. Like go like put the mic down and go over and like give them like a hug. Tap them up.

Yeah. Appreciate you guys. Thanks for coming out. More than you know. Yeah. More than you fucking know. Yeah, that was fucking weird. But they were nice guys.

They were just really drunk. Yeah, they were very nice It was a great show Fucking sick ass night When did you guys Get back to the city Yeah Rowan got shit faced I was drunk by the end

You were Oh you talk about your move You were hammered Yeah By the end I was I was having long conversations With people Cause we were already drinking

And then we go to a bar And Rowan gets like a vodka soda And I was like dude That's people. Because we were already drinking, and then we go to a bar, and everyone gets like a vodka soda. I was like, dude, that's going to get you obliterated. That's normal, I think. Really? Yeah. The end of a night of vodka soda? What time?

Like 2.30? That is what. Oh, no, you're freaky with it. Or what do you think I should have got? You're punting the next day if you drink vodka soda at 1 a.m. Diet Coke? No, you were drinking. I was under control.

What did I do that was out of control? You didn't do anything. I could just tell you were hammered. Do you keep an eye on him when he's like that? Oh, yeah. Yeah, you got to. No, he doesn't. I sent his wife.

I'm like, you got to come. Sass, when's the last time? Hey, don't worry. We've got him. That guy? I'm getting maneuver right've got to come. Sass, when's the last time? Hey, don't worry. We've got him. That guy? Getting maneuver right now. Yeah, yeah. No, Sass feeds me to the wolves in situations like that.

Like if someone's trying to talk to him, he'll just be like, this is my buddy, Roan. Oh, Sass's best trait. You have a lot of good traits, but that's your best. No, I do not do that. Pass me off to that. Passing the torch. You would do anything to get out of a conversation. Like a hound.

I'm not a big conversationalist. No. Well, with some people you are. Yeah. That's your job. With you guys I am. With my best friends in the fucking world. When you can open the fuck up.

What is the biggest fish you ever caught and how did you procure it? That's a good assass question, Che. Fair question. Sass, what was yours? Two and a half inches? Thank you. Pretty much, yeah.

Yeah. I caught a lot of fish when I was growing up that were big, but in recent memory. I guarantee you they were small. No, they were big. Because it was in the ocean. It was ocean fishing. As a kid, though? Yeah.

They were big. Because I would go fishing with my dad and my uncle. Maybe we'd catch big boys. We caught a huge one in Alaska and I didn't know fish bled. Kyle had to bludgeon it with a stick and it was...

That haunts me how poor you are. I asked him to do it. We filmed it in slow-mo and it was just like the bludge and like hitting his cheek. I still think I gave 75%. You can't give 75% in a situation like this. Yeah, because you bludgeoned it, and you were still flopping. And then it was just like still moving.

The guy was like, yeah, you didn't do it. I didn't want to do it again. Why did you give 75%? He was killing something. Because I kind of didn't want to do it. It's really inhumane to bludgeon a didn't want to do it it's really inhumane to bludgeon a fish that's still alive

but uh it's more inhumane I know but I just didn't have the switch in my brain it was between him and Donnie the guy

it was like the scene from the Joker he just broke this broomstick oh no between Kyle and Donnie I've I've like we've like

when I was younger we caught fish once and brought them home to cook them we only like we only did that one time but I was younger, we caught fish once and brought them home to cook them. Like, we only did that one time. But we, like, killed them. We bludgeoned them.

Yeah. And then, like, two hours later, all of a sudden, they're flapping around in the fucking cooler. Yeah. Like, still a little bit alive. Did we leave the bludgeoning in the Alaska video? I don't think so. Okay. I don't think so.

It was gruesome. I feel like I would have remembered that. Okay. I don't think so. It was gruesome. I feel like I would have remembered that. That and the alligator. Oh, Jesus. That was actually fucked up. Poor alligator. I'm so stupid for the entire... I thought that wrestling an alligator was literal. I did too.

They just call that for catching one. They call that wrestling an alligator. Oh, I thought it was literal too. Yeah, I thought people actually wrestled them. Like it was a fair fight. It was a fair fight. Wasn't it duct taped? I know it was completely duct taped, but I still felt like I could have taken one.

Looking back, every rediscovering, the first scene we did, we were in a cow's asshole. Yeah. Yeah, I didn't do that. That one was gross. It was up to your shoulder. Yeah. Boys are nasty. Yeah. Yeah, I didn't do that. That one was gross. It was like up to your shoulder. Yeah. Those are nasty. Yeah. You guys like to get freaky with the animals.

Look what the RNs are doing. What are the RNs doing? Cheating. The sponge baths and the wiping, that's like the worst job you could have. I'd rather wipe an ass than a fold, though. You know what you're going to get in an ass? The ass is the worst fold. The ass is the worst fold. You think the ass is the worst fold?

100%. What about an obese fold? No, but it's not creating a new shit. I wouldn't be surprised if you lifted up an obese fold and there was like a mushroom growing on the side of it. Oh, ew. I would rather be with poop. Yeah. Think back what you said, that the ass is the worst

fold. No. I'll see it when I believe it, but you might be right. I'll believe it when I see it. TJ Google worse folds. Oh, man. It's going to be like a poker compilation. Oh, yeah. It is.

I think the crease between the balls and the leg is a pretty underratedly bad fold. Yeah. I know the diabetics whose feet turn to mold. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's definitely a bad fold. Yeah. I know like diabetics whose feet turn to mold. Oh yeah. Yeah. That's definitely a bad one.

Yeah between the toes of like someone with corns or some shit like that. That'd be a nasty fold.

Mouths are disgusting too. Mouths are gross. Dentists bad job. Dude I'm about to get a buccal

massage. Really? That is. Where they fucking go inside your mouth and like massage inside your

mouth. Oh, that is always sore. Yeah. An hour they stay in your shit. And these bitches are popping up online. These women, sorry, are popping up online and their jawline is redefined. These women are coming through. Where do you go for this? It's like on like 90th

Street. Like you can, I think you do it in Manhattan, all over the place. I think it's sweeping the nation. Bukal massages. I'm interested in that. Yeah? You want to do it? I just got a pedicure for the first time. Oh, they're the best. Pretty good. Really? What is that? It's just the toes? I had some bad calluses that were prevented

from running. Yeah, they file those down. They get in between the toenails, and then that water is the hottest on Earth. Oh, I could use that. Oh, yeah. And it's up to your... They rub your calves. part of it is they talk shit about you right and definitely definitely like this ugly motherfucker look at these fucking toes they were doing that this girl's pretty fat yeah they're really blunt this is a buccal shit i want it yeah they're super anti-fat they'll tell you they won't they won't hide it. Ew, dude. That is...

That looks like it's already swollen or something. Why the hell are they putting the fingers in the mouth? You don't follow them? You're not going to have some random dude put his fingers in your mouth? It's going to be a woman. It's going to be a woman. Yeah, you'd be lucky. That is...

Yeah, fuck that. But it's supposed to release... That is fucking weird, dude. Are you still... Oh, yeah. What the fuck we're done we're ending the podcast if you get one of those

I'm going to put you under and make you get a buccal massage and I'm going to wake you up like Saul and show you a video of someone with their fingers in your mouth look at this woman's snatched jaw literally just pushing her head further yeah she jutted her jaw I don't know That makes sense

Little Alex Jones The before and after of the guy That just stands further from the camera Yeah Someone who gets a spray tan Are you telling me That you wouldn't want that hottie With her

Best experience Look how focused she is That's a straight up medical procedure man Why is she wearing a white jacket If she's not draining your lymphatic systems Where's it drained to though Like you're fucking white jacket if she's not draining your lymphatic systems? Where's it drained to, though? Like, you're fucking... It's like she's pulling it

into the brain. Yeah, it's going right in your brain. 99 Madison Avenue. Yeah, catch me there. I want it, Roan. Couples? I asked if we could...

I asked my wife if we could do couples. She said no. So I don't think... Or maybe they don't offer that. I'll do that. Get the ears drained, the blackheads drained.

Yes, dude. I need all of that shit. I need to get another ear candle just because it felt so cathartic. Did it actually? Do you feel it like pulling out? Yes, but then when you see what's come out,

it's... I want it. It's horrific. I'm not into any of this shit. All right, you just keep the nasty shit inside your body then. That's fine. Be a briefcase of wax. You're supposed to.

No, you're not. You need a good amount of earwax. But if you produce a ton of it. What? Yeah. Why? I don't know. It just does.

No. I need my shit out. I have too much of it. My ENT has been disgusted before. I can't believe. Where did you go to get the earwax candle? That's gotta be Chinatown.

Yeah. I think Amazon. Oh, you bought it yourself? Bought it yourself? I've seen they can drain it with like a funnel type thing. Those ones are good. So I heard they plant things

like the street, the people that clean your ears on the street. Oh, yeah. I've heard that. Yeah. I can't trust them for... Really?

Yeah. Like you get it like a tarot card thing where you could just walk up to somebody and they'll clean your ears? I love watching like Taiwanese street massages or Lu Xiao who's in New York and he walks around and they're planting knots in your back.

Yeah. Gross. What kind of massage did you say? Thai? The Taiwanese street massages. They're on a busy-ass street. Or maybe Indian. That's the one where they slap the fuck out of you and shit like that.

Once I'm watching, these dudes are laying on dirty towels in the middle of a 12-lane highway. Just getting rubbed down. That's got to be India. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. A 12-lane highway. I promise you, it's like there's cars z be India. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. The 12th land. I promise you, it's like there's cars zipping both ways by. They're like, oh, yeah.

I've never been more relaxed. There's videos of like, it's got to be some kind of Middle Eastern massages, but it's just like the strongest dudes ever. And you get like 40 seconds into the video, and then the guy just starts like massaging his ass. But they're like the two straightest, like most masculine guys.

And it's just like getting deep in his hamstrings and just like massaging his ass muscles. And it's like just a different cultural, cultural difference. You know, you're going to let a guy massage your ass like that. If it felt good. If he was like,

if he was like Russian. Yeah, that's what I mean. I'm not telling him. This guy's getting deep in the ass. No, this isn't the guy who I saw, but this is... Looks like he's on the 12 lane highway. He's on...

No, this is way too barren for the ones I was watching. But look, he's in his ass. See, I don't believe this helps. I've shown the guy on the yak that goes into Central Park and exhales on chicks' butt cheeks. Didn't he die? I might have. There was that really old video of the dude who would do the...

What was it? He was giving massages to girls and they were having insane... Cody Ko and Noah Miller did a video on it. Yeah, I remember that. And he never touched them, though. I forget what it was. Chakras? Maybe aligning chakras?

It would just be him moving around them and breathing really heavily, and they'd be like, They'd be scream-crying having orgasms. They were orgasmic. Yeah. Have you seen the... Like a pig. Scream crying having orgasms. Yeah. Have you seen the, like, um... Like a pig. The metal thing that, like, these Indian barbers wear to go in a guy's ears and it just, like, moves their finger faster?

No. What? Yeah. Just... In these guys' ears. What the fuck? Yeah. What does it do?

I don't know. Hurts the guy? Looks like a fallout weapon. What the fuck? Yeah, weird shit's happening to people's bodies. But I guess, you know, if you're into it. Have you guys ever heard of Reiki? Yeah.

Oh. It's like laying of the hands. It's weird shit. My mom had someone do it like, it's like an alternative to like allergy medicines. And my mom is like, very, believes in science. She had some Reiki motherfuckers doing it. She's like an alternative to allergy medicines. And my mom is like very believes in science. She had some Reiki motherfuckers doing it. She's like very medicinal.

And they just like literally like put their hands or like this spot on the liver like will cure this. Do they like lie crystals on her? These things. Go home and sleep. Fuck it. Try again tomorrow. Not ever.

When you have a bad day. When you have a bad day, give up. I don't really know, I don't really fuck with people putting their fingers in my holes. Yeah, this is weird as shit. Rest in peace to, I think his name was the cosmic barber in India, he would like exhale on your head

and then just smack you around. You'll never catch me getting a massage and making a face like that. Dude? Ever. In a million years. Oh no! This is so gross, dude. Yeah, I'm not co-signing this.

This one's big. Look at his eyes! Looks like the boxing ref. Ew. Look at his eyes. Looks like the boxing ref. Get it away. Ew. That's shit. Nasty. His eyes are insane.

That's RMSA. Yeah, it's the opposite. Holy fuck. Oh my God. Why is this guy's face so intense? But I'm curious. I could be sold. Oh God. Why is this guy's face so intense? But I'm curious. It could be sold. Oh God. I wonder what it does.

In a non-offensive way, this is like the gayest shit I've ever seen in my entire life. That's like, I'd rather watch gay, aggressive gay porn than watch that video. Yeah, the guy's eyes were rolling in the back of his head. Someone's finger blasting his ear. And those dudes probably hate gay people. Oh, yeah. How do you leave that place normally? You just walk out?

You just got a haircut? You just change your pants? Yeah. You gotta sneak out. Alright, thanks, man. Appreciate it. You don't want someone to catch you leaving a place like that? I needed that, brother.

Yeah. God, I feel so much better. Thanks, man. What is that even doing? That can't be doing brother. Yeah. God, I feel so much better. Thanks, man. What is that even doing? That can't be doing shit. No. Ew, dude. That was so gross.

The noise of it. Holy fuck. Squeezing the ear up and just. Yeah. How did they even come up with that? Maybe the shit feels incredible, though. Why are you so afraid of your body, Sass? I'm not.

Yes, you are. Other people touching my body like that. You're afraid of how good it might feel. I don't think that's... That's literally what it is. Finger blasting my eardrum would feel good. But these guys are having orgasmic results from it. I don't know.

That was disturbing. That might keep me up tonight. Like in fear that I'll ever be in a situation where that has to happen to me. It's a wet willy basically with like oil. Yeah, that would be way worse. That is nasty. Wet willy is the most violating thing.

Like I'd probably rather have someone stick a finger up my asshole. Someone else's wet. But it's also bad for the giver. It's worse for them. They're coming out with a fucking finger full of earwax. Yo, my God is so good. Come on in, brother.

Yeah, come in. Come on in. I know you got something. My God is so good. I pray to change my life. Change my life. What's going on? What up, Sparky?

You got a new track? You got a new track? Say it into the mic. You know the drill. Grab that mic. You can bring the mic out. You can bring the stand out. What's your inspiration for this new track?

No, I just like, you know what I do? I just like an actor, you know what I'm saying? Right. Like, check out this I did over the weekend. Okay. A little bit of Elvis, you know what I'm saying? I know y'all like Elvis, right? Of course.

Check it. Come on, everybody, let me hold your hand tonight. Come on, everybody, everything gonna be all right. Come on, everybody, let me hold be all right. Come on, everybody. Let me hold your hand because I am the man. Check it. I hate them haters. I hate them haters.

I hate them haters. And them haters hate me. Them haters hate me. Yeah. Hell yeah. Haters hate me. Haters hate me. Are you pen and pad or just from the dome?

Just from the dome. Yeah. How do you practice? How do you write what's your process just you know i write a little bit and then i just put it together from my head who do you listen to who's your inspiration musically i got a lot jackie wilson lonely teardrops i just want to hold your hand you know beats you know i love beats do you ever think of a melody and then forget the melody?

Like, how do you make sure you remember the melody? Do you do a voice recording of it? Or just it stays? Because I practice I practice the same Over and over and over So it's right here Come on everybody, let me hold your hand

It's just when you drill up my head You sing that one again? Wait, like this one Y'all like this one My God is so my god is so good god is so good i pray every night every day i woke up this morning this morning to the early to the early day to the early day you know i'm saying it's right there how about that elvis right yeah you like that i like that a lot i like that lot. I like that. We hear it again. Y'all want to hear it again?

Yeah, yeah. We want to hear it. Come on everybody, let me hold your hand tonight. Come on everybody, everything gonna be alright. Come on everybody, just right and left. Everything's alright now, check it.

I hate them haters, I hate them haters, I hate them haters, I hate them haters i hate them haters i hate them haters i hate them haters i appreciate you anytime man imagine holding everybody's hand come on everybody let me hold your hand as a collector holding everybody's hand at once yeah come on everybody let me hold it and dude he also never lingers for too long because he's got business to take care of outside look outside he's just getting warmed up

oh yeah oh yeah i just heard him hit it i just take care of outside. Look at him outside. He's just getting warmed up. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I just heard him hit it. I just heard him. Like I was at NASCAR. Yeah. I hate the maid. I hate the maid house. He's like a cocky, like, huh.

Oh, yeah. It's like he's feeling it. He can't help it. It's sexy. He's getting turned on by himself in the moment. Yeah. Oh, man. Makes me want a high noon, to be honest with you. makes you want a delicious high noon tequila seltzer premium hard seltzer clean finish

made with real blanco tequila real juice the best only 100 calories gluten-free no added sugars and they're available nationwide in four bright crisp flavors i'm talking about the strawberry the lime the grapefruit and the passion fruit. And now it's available for the outdoors. A lot of time to spend outdoors. Pool, lake, beach, golf, tailgating. Roof, if you're on the roof. You're at the baseball game.

You're at the bar. Look for them at Drosera at your local convenience or liquor store or visit hidingspirits.com to find some and near you. Come on, everybody, let me hold your hand tonight. Mm-hmm. Tonight. He's so good. Fuck. I cannot get enough of Mr. Sparky.

Nor can I. I like how he's blossoming, too. I used to just see him risen up our, the cleaning lady, the lovely cleaning lady, me professora. I used to just see him risen up our, the cleaning lady, the lovely cleaning lady, mi profesora. I mean, are you jealous? No, she's my teacher.

I don't have that type of relationship. She really teaches me Spanish. But he's, he talks to her the same way he talks to Ebony, I think. That's good.

Lustfully. Yeah. It's like a red-flanked duker. Yeah, it kind of like, it's like a like a red flanked duker. Yeah, it's kind of like a red flanked duker. Dude, when we were talking about fishing, I heard about this. There's like a root in the Amazon that you can throw into water

and it stuns all the fish. What? And they all just go belly up and you can just pick up the ones that you want. The Amazon's horrifying. What is the root? What would that do to humans? I don't know.

I'll get high. Yeah. The Amazon is probably the scariest place in the world. You think so? The non-contacted tribes? Just like, yeah. The place you wouldn't want to be more than anything. Yeah, that thicket is thick, too.

Cutting through that that getting nowhere i wanted to i want to see tigers now i have a lust after going on a safari i have a lust for seeing wild animals but where are they india tigers yeah yeah probably yeah because i was looking at china india videos of safaris where you see where you see tigers in the forest look like a forest that you'd see in like the northeastern United States. It was just like the fall, lush greenery. It looked like fucking like maple trees

and shit like that. It shocked me. Tigers? Yeah, but I think it was in India or something like that. I don't know. India, I know so little about India. So big.

Is India so culturally diverse too? Because there's a part like that's separated on the east. On the east? Like the northeast? Like there's like part like that's separated on the east on the east like the northeast like there's like i think maybe bangladesh is in the way and that's yeah or uh i don't know yeah i'm so i'm so curious and like the like they have states with like 250 million people which is almost the size of the u.s yeah Yeah, that's so nuts to me. And you really don't know what's going on over there. Has Donnie gone over there?

I don't think. He hasn't been to India. I don't know if any of our boys have. Damn. That's surprising. Why don't you guys go out there? I would. Rediscover America out there.

Yeah. Rediscovering America, India. That would rule. My dad, when I was young, he brought me back a cricket bat and a sextant, which is a navigational tool. You guys should do, like, rediscover Indianapolis and then accidentally book your flight to India. That would be good.

Yeah. That would be hilarious. What the heck? Yeah. That's how I would come off the plane. What the fuck is this? We realize it, like, kind of a little late in. Way too late in.

Yeah. That would be funny as fuck. We get a sitar lesson in Indiana. Wait a minute. You realize it like four days into the trip. Y'all noticed something. We wanted to see the colts. They brought us to see wild horses.

Was Jackass played? Was that Indian? I don't know. It kind of sounded. What was that tune? So cricket is, I'm surprised there's not people in America aren't getting into like a trendy cricket wave. Like no NBA player has bought a cricket team.

It's probably bigger than, is it bigger than the NFL? Yeah. But like they're buying pickleball teams and shit like that. It's like, why not have a cricket league

or something like that? Maybe it's too expensive. The Dwayne Reed by my apartment has two pickleball courts now. I know. Just saying, people play competitively.

Very competitively. I walk into Dwayne Reed, I had to get all my prescriptions and there's just a pickleball that I have to kick back to the fellas every time. Really? Yeah. I would buy a nice Dwayne Reed, though. It's a good Dwayne Reed.

Yeah. Yeah. They have two pickleball courts now. I can't believe it. You could get Dwayne to play around. The ones that I'll go on a walk and walk past, the ones on the piers, and there's always a massive line of couples trying to play pickleball.

There's very few things that I would wait in a line for and that one of them was definitely not one every time i feel like i see a line i just i turn around i'm like now i'm not doing that oh fuck no even in duane reed downstairs if there's a line i'll just go to that little yep rock outside yeah shouldn't wait in a long line in new york there's too many options there was a line for oppenheimer yesterday just going into the movie theater. Oh, yeah. I looked at that IMAX, the 70mm IMAX. There's like one theater, I guess, in New York that has it.

It sold out for like months. That's insane. Yeah. It was sweet. Was it sweet? I saw it. I thought it was good. I want to see it so bad.

Me too. You want to go? Yeah. All right. Definitely go. I would go this week. I would too. I've been watching Chernobyl. Oh. Or actually not recently, as of yesterday want to go? Yeah. All right. Definitely go. I would go this week. I would too. I've been watching Chernobyl.

Oh. Or actually not recently, as of yesterday. The show. Yeah. Not the movie with Jesse McCartney. No, the show. I heard the show was great. Yeah.

I watched like one episode a while ago, but it's really good. RFK Jr. tried to say like that shit didn't happen. Dude, I didn't know RFK Jr. is married to fucking- Cheryl Hines. Yeah. Yeah. What the fuck? That is- That's Cheryl Hines. Yeah. What the fuck? That is...

That's crazy. That is crazy. I just saw a picture on my Twitter today of her and, like, and RFK and Larry David. At their wedding, right? Yeah. What? You think it's Larry Sloppy's?

Even if it was on a film, do you know that counts? Does it count? 100%. Those sex scenes were pretty good, right? In that counts? Does it count? 100%. Those sex scenes were pretty good, right? In Curb? Pretty intense.

I don't... Or no. I can't remember. I don't think there's any actual sex scenes. Yeah, you're right. There's one episode where he gets a puke

where one of her pubic hair is stuck in his throat the whole day eating her pussy. And then he walks around the whole day and he goes, the whole episode?

I got pubic hair stuck in my throat. That show's so funny. It's so fucking funny. It's one of the best. I started What We Do in the Shadows, and it's fucking funny, too. Really? Yeah. What is that?

The movie was funny. It's a mockumentary about vampires that one of the guys from um flight of the concords does yeah it's a show and it's really fucking funny yeah what is it on like tv it's on like a relatively major network right hulu yeah probably fx or something yeah yeah i feel like i try to watch an episode i need to be funny to dive in but the style of it or just i like that they're doing a mockumentary style like a little dirty office style there's always going to doing a mockumentary style, like a little dirty office style. There's always going to be a mockumentary style show on television now because of The Office. Yeah, 100%.

Was there more? What else is there? I guess Modern Family was basically a mockumentary. They had the confessionals. That always confused me, though, because it feels like it's not. They never address the cameras. Right, but it is a weird thing to just have in a show. Still fuck with it. That show was funny though.

Definitely. The beginning seasons of that show were really fucking funny. Yeah, I think just one of the big issues with that is they had child actors that grew up and now they're not good. Yeah. Yeah, I gotta got to start that.

Have you guys seen Community? Love. No. The most clever. They have running jokes. Some of the best writing. Yeah. The first few seasons.

The new season of Always Sunny was pretty funny. The last two episodes in it were really, really funny. Yeah, got to get on that. A lot of good stuff to consume. A lot of good stuff. And so little time. Yeah, it's finite. Not enough time.

Yeah, you're hurtling towards death. Are we all in Chicago next week? No. You ain't. Roan is. I don't know. Someone just asked me today. I didn't even know that was a thing.

Yeah, it sounds like Roan's not invited. Roan isn't? Or is. I'm invited. What is it for? You're not invited. What's this for? The Yak.

It's for the Yak? I think. It's bowling. It's bowling and I don't do the Yak. Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday in Chicago next week. Interesting. Have fun. No, I didn't get invited.

Yeah, dude. I'm sure. Sorry to bring that up oh me yeah this is no we were just happy we just had they're just there oh that i i got i got a uh getting the squeeze out yeah you are you are what can you do bolero on wednesday right yeah to be oh any chance you'll be there to be my reporter for Bolero? Who said that? Something like a booking person.

Oh. Their reporter. Zach, you want to go? Oh, no, it's cool. No, no. Not really. I got a press today. They're looking for, like, commentators and stuff.

Yeah, now you can hop in. Some last minute. They've asked everybody else. So we need, and they all said no. We wouldn't actually get to play the games. I'm like really confused at what's going on right now. Is this real? Is this what's happening? I know the bare minimum. I know the very very bare minimum. The bowling event that we have to do.

Or we get to do. I don't know if I get to do it. I think I'm commentating it. Are we allowed to be talking about this? I don't know what's going on. Oh god, it's Blatman. I believe it was people that were moving or are already there to do a bowling tournament. Oh, okay. Yeah.

And then since a bunch of people that do the Yak will be there, including Kate, Brandon, Big Cat, myself, Nick, KB, et cetera. Roan. Roan. Well, KB, etc. Roan. Roan. Well, Roan's not. I feel like there was a way you could have shortened that by saying he won't be there. Yeah. Sure. I don't care if I'm not going.

I just thought you'd go. I didn't know if you guys were joking or not. I'd like you to go. No, I don't give a fuck. I don't even know if I can go. Wednesday. We have to... I think we're shooting a bunch of out of orders.

I brought it up because I assumed that you were. No. I don't think I... I never even heard of this. I was just told that Hank approved for me to be able to go. Yeah, I mean, that makes sense. He's the goat for that. Including me. Nice of him.

Yeah. Damn, Sash, they fucking... Oh, I'm... This is like making me... It's very... You need to do a No Child Left Behind initiative for a little something.

I don't know what's going on. I don't care. I'm not, like... I'm on your side. You've never expressed any interest in this event. I didn't know this event was a thing, but didn't I ask last week?

You still don't care. Didn't I say... Remember last week, I was like, wasn't there something that we were supposed to be doing the weekend of the 4th, and everyone was like,

no, we just have... The next big thing is the case race and then we went to the other group chat we're like oh yeah there was just an email that circulated about this this morning okay so we knew about this in advance because i have on my calendar i have friday saturday off which means i have nothing i didn't put anything in for that for those days i thought we had something i think you're thinking about something else maybe this is not a friday thing it's a gaslighting sass well i think it was the whole week sass lighting um maybe wwe let's talk about that for the time being this is important listen to this you guys

you guys this is some other yak shit there's a little bit of yak housekeeping right now uh play wwe 2k 23 for free this weekend on stream from august 3rd to august 7th and on xbox one or series xs from august 3rd to august 6th it's only available on xbox for xbox live gold and xbox game pass ultimatebers. WWE 2K23 is also on sale now for 45% off Standard Edition from now through August 7th on Steam and on Xbox. Oh, Steam. I was saying stream.

You can play it on Steam. Bless my heart. It's Steam is what I meant to say. Dude, I'm just a born idiot. The revel with wyatt dlc pack is out now featuring bray wyatt and uncle howdy along with blair davenport joe gacy valhalla and zeus luckily this dlc is included with the season pass in deluxe slash icon editions of wwe 2k 23 but once you are playing 2k 23 on steam or xbox take a screenshot of your character and submit it to the yak via social platforms with the hashtag barstool 2k sweepstakes and the best submissions will be receiving a custom wwe 2k uh slash yak championship belt

so you guys make your best characters submit them with the hashtag bart barstool 2k sweepstakes and we'll pick the best ones talk about them on the show crazy make them good take a little bit of time have fun i'm going to really put put care into choosing which one I like the best. So add some little details. Add fun nuggets. Add Easter eggs. Yeah. Remember when we did this for the WWE 2K15?

It was super fun. Yeah, that was a fun-ass day. Yeah. Got to pick, like, entrance music, different outfits and stuff like that. Pretty cool. Yeah. You could give guys, like, a benign tumor and stuff like that. A goiter on their neck. Just a massive goiter. I went with a go cool. Yeah. You could give guys like a benign tumor and stuff like that. A goiter on their neck.

Just a massive goiter. I went with a goiter. Yeah. A huge goiter. Why do no wrestlers have a goiter? None of them do. It's a good ass

wrestling name. The goiter. Oh, man. Yeah, so definitely send that shit in to us. And we'll check it out. WWE 2K, on Steam or on Xbox. Man, I fucking love Steam. Have you guys seen that Steam that just comes out of the ground, though, in New York?

Out of, like, a pipe that just, like, shoots straight up? It's been kind of like a thing on, you saw the song about it? Yeah. Yeah. I hate walking through it. Since I saw the song, I've seen way more of that steam yeah just those big pipes songs like kind of just wondering what is that steam like is it piss oh yeah good question where is it coming she warm in the winter i do yeah kind of nice

smells so bad though yeah it's but it's a weird weird smell it's like not poop but it's not good you're just walking through it and it's coming out so hot like a geyser like it's cracked through the core of the earth it's fucking disgusting how's the new apartment uh it sucked moving in but it's awesome to have been moved in yeah more space so i'm pretty excited about that yeah holy moly got some more space. Holy moly. Didn't know that was possible. Yeah. What'd you do? Did you do any, like, welcoming event?

No, not quite there yet. We still need to get, like, get shit. I don't get housewarming parties, because it's just going to fuck up your house. Yeah. Yeah. I think people, you know, you want to show up. You want to show it off. Yeah. Yeah. You think people, you know, you want to show it off.

Yeah. You'll have people over eventually. I never have. No. I got rid of so much shit, though. It's so fucking cathartic. It feels so awesome to get rid of shit. Just holding on to stuff. Being like, oh, I remember when I got this.

That was like a fun trip. I don't know. Is this an asshole move? Like when you mentally just give up on the security deposit? Oh, no, I've done that. You know, then you can kind of. Yeah. You paid for it.

It's not an asshole. Yeah, it's not an asshole. They're keeping the money. Yeah. Except I've actually, both times, my last two apartments, I've like surprisingly gotten a lot of money back. And I was like, how did we get money back from that yeah what are they dinging for for security deposits like are they going around like they're assessing a rental car that you brought back and like a scratch here scratch here i had a guy come through and take photos of my apartment last week

um to act so like oh that's official yeah so he took like all the walls because i have nothing on my walls anymore like holes where i like nailed stuff in they picture the stove and in the bathroom i don't know like they have to gauge if they have to repaint they shouldn't penalize you for like drilling yeah like you put a hole on in a wall for to hang a picture you'll probably get yours back yeah yeah i'm trying to think of what we, like, every single time it's been like a door

that's like been fucked up or something. Just hollow fucking doors like break. Yeah. Yeah. Stupidest, dumbest ass doors.

My doors are getting so swollen from the fucking humidity that I can't, I couldn't, I could barely get into my apartment this weekend. Really?

Yeah. My old apartment. I didn't know they did that. They swell up. They swell. Dude, there's like a pile of sawdust shavings from me trying to jam the door closed. It like shaves off, parts the door every single time. And the, like by the handle, it's all, it got like really chipped.

Cause I had to fucking, like just to get into the apartment, I had to like pull it as hard as I could. My apartment in Chicago is a steel door since I'm in a bad area. Wait, what causes the swelling? I don't know. It's just the heat, I think. I think maybe the wood retains humidity

and that moisture in the air gets sucked up by the wood maybe. So does it shrink in the winter? I think it does because it's way easier to close that door. Probably just goes back to normal size, right? If you're shaving it down, though. Yeah, true. You think that... You get a draft. Yeah, it's probably just goes back to that door size, right? If you're shaving it down, though. Yeah, true.

You think that you get a draft. Yeah, it's a fact. Do you think that aliens are just like us? I'm one of a kind. Probably just like you. Fuck.

Indictive bastards? No. What do you mean just like us? I think they'd be closer to maybe an animal species. Yeah. Than a human. You think so?

Yeah, why wouldn't they be animals? Humans are animals. Why wouldn't they be like a traditional mammal? Because they're smart enough to, because they're advanced enough to get here. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because if they're just like us, I feel like our main thing is that we just kill all the other animals in our path.

Yeah. So if they're just like us, dude, we're fucked. That's above the human comprehension. That's above human comprehension. Yeah. Even like theorize. Whether they're benevolent. What they could ever be like. It is like a monkey paw kind of thing though.

Like we get world peace just because we have to go to war with another planet. I know. And our war would definitely, I mean, you got to ramp back up the nukes for sure. If it's some interstellar war. Yeah. Could you send a nuke to a different planet? Trojan horse it. Welcome.

Hey, guys. Big-ass Statue of Liberty. You're a gift. I feel like the people who had to drop the atom bomb, that must be a fucking horrifying job. My God. Yeah, you're pressing a button and just like, ugh. Especially just when you're taking off and everything's fucking rattling around. Yeah, you're pressing a button and just like... Especially just like when you're taking off and everything's fucking rattling around.

Yeah. Or like the guys who like put the shit inside the bomb. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know, Stephen, how... Actually, I don't care if people liked it or didn't like it. There was big discourse in the office last week about Barbie and fucking Oppenheimer. Yeah, there's discourse about everything. You like discourse or no?

Some of it. I don't, I don't, I feel like I don't like, I don't have like a massive take on like everything that I consume. Yeah, same. Sometimes you just watch

something and you're like, that was fine. Some discourse is just never ending, like what's the Midwest? Yeah, yeah. And then people who... Do you wash your hands? Yeah, the hand the Midwest? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then people who... Do you wash your hands?

Yeah, the hand washing one was big. I thought that was agreed upon that it's gross to not, but we still do it sometimes or a lot or always. But the Midwest, you think Nebraska's always going to be clean? People are always on Reddit, like geography subreddits. People are always trying to do their own maps. And some people will include Western PA and everyone's like, fuck off, that's Appalachia. Some people will

include Nebraska or not include Nebraska. So I think instead of having, when you're making those maps, solid borders, you almost have to have it fade like a gradient into one another. Definitely. They do that. Do they? Kind of. The cartographers of our day?

Are there still cartographers? Certainly. It had to be fucking satisfying as hell to be doing early maps, even of small areas. Yeah, just like walking and making a line on the map. Oh, gotta be the best.

Yeah, it's probably so satisfying to be like, okay, I know where this tree is. I know where this road is. This is where the hawk always is at. Like, I'm way more into hawks and falcons than ravens and fucking crows. Can you pull up

a picture of an actual raven? Wait till you see it. I'm just not that interested. I've read a little bit of Poe. Crows are smart as fuck, right? Don't they, like, people train them to go pick up change from the street? They make money off their crows? Aren't they the nastiest ones? Like, the most mean-spirited? Yeah,. They make money off their crows. Aren't they the nastiest ones? Like the most mean spirited? Yeah, they might be mean.

Fucking crows. Like a raven next to a person. That looks like a raven. Or a crow. Unless we're backwards. Okay, go to a crow next to a person then. Kind of big. Bigger than you'd expect.

I think crows are smaller. I think crows are smaller. I think crows are way smaller. Same shit. It's the same picture. That's just a Yeah, those are just That is the same picture.

What the fuck? Why is this bitch always fucking It literally says ravens. Raven to crow to Look up the difference. Okay, there we go. So which one is which?

There's no way they're hanging out with each other. A raven and a crow? That should have staged. Yeah. Maybe type in crow versus raven differences. We've got to find this out. That's just pictures. Crows versus ravens. Is it the animals? The five main differences? That's just pictures.

Crows versus ravens. Is the animals the five main differences? Okay, so ravens are way bigger. Ravens are way bigger. Meter and a half? God damn. You like falcons, though? Yeah, falcons and hawks.

I'm all trying to discern between the two of them. A falconer is someone who works with just falcons? Yeah, they have that glove, right? Why does falcons have their own profession? They're used for hunting? Probably. That sounds good. Yeah.

That sounds right. I don't know, though. I'm kind of just guessing. How would they help you hunt? They'd probably go kill something something they would just do the hunting oh they just do it and bring oh that's awesome

yeah training one of those has to be fucking nuts yeah being the first one to train shit the dude who walks through does he walk through the or the guy who walks

through the Everglades I think is in the Amazon now is he still doing shit I think he's in the Amazon yeah what the fuck still doing shit? I think he's in the Amazon. Yeah, what the fuck? And he has poisonous snakes on his hand. He's just yoinking poisonous frogs. He's out of the Everglades and in the Amazon?

I think he must be on a vacay. He probably has made like $2 trillion off of his TikTok because they're so fun to watch. They're so brave. I'm in the Amazon rainforest and this red-tailed boar is not happy with me. of his TikTok because they're so fun to watch. Yeah. They're so brave. I don't know if he's going to have his stuff. You haven't? I'm in the Amazon rainforest and this red-tailed boar is not happy with me. This jungle dog is helping me find that 20-foot anaconda. Oh, a cane toad. Boop.

An anaconda? Holy shit. That was it? Have you seen that plant called, like, the devil's toilet paper? No, what is that? This giant leaf that looks perfect for wiping your ass if you were in the forest. But it has these red microscopic needles that give you like the worst pain ever. Oh my god.

Yeah. What the fuck? I love these guys so much. I'm still looking for that. Who's that guy that always gets bit by stuff? It's just American crocodiles. Coyote Peterson. Yeah, he rubbed it on his arm.

Those guys' videos are awesome. Yeah. big 12 foot lazy one sleeping well well well if it's not my favorite native yoink this is a brooks kingsnake and they are gorgeous one of my favorites well well well you are a very handsome swamp puppy this little guy's way more feisty. It's python hatchling season right now, so there's babies everywhere. Yoink. That's a baby python? There's a giant one out here, too. Yoink.

It's just a cute little scarlet snake. Red touch is black. I ended up getting this Burmese python. You're coming home with a mead, buddy. No, good or bad? I think that's good. Red touch yellow is bad. Hey, guys, I'm in the Amazon rainforest, and I just found this patu bird.

What the hell? Yeah, I want to see if he finds this. Ew, gross. Oh my god. Fuck this. That's the worst one yet. Not fuck with that at all. That's pretty funny.

Is he just out? Is he like sleeping in the woods? I don't know, but he's like barefoot. I want a bigger one. Ooh, smoky jungle frog. Yoink. He's definitely not very happy with me oh check out this coral mud snake yoink these guys are a rear fanged aquatic snake

just mildly venomous check out this giant they wear cowboy hats around here hey guys i'm in the florida everglades and i just found a swamp puppy tail. Wait, this was in... where was this? That's Florida. This American crocodile's eyeballing me. He's in Florida? This shit is. The other shit was in the...

Oh, this is a different video? Yeah, it's a different one, but it restarted. There's plenty of swamp puppies chilling on the bottom. I think he's sleeping. I jumped out in front of traffic to save this Brooks Kingsnake. There's just people who are like this. Yeah. He's trying to save them. He has good

intentions, but I don't think these animals care about his intentions. Is he just so knowledgeable and educated that he knows he's not in danger or he's just risking it because he doesn't care? Well, I think that one helps. Courting after he does it all helps a lot. I wonder if he was talking while he was filming.

Probably not. That shit is funny. Six million followers. It's a light. My boy's a beast. He's a beast. Unbelievable. So I said it's with the Shady Rays ad.

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That's Shady Rays, baby. Oh, yeah. Good-ass shades. That's funny that you won't do it in the ad, but you do it on stage, and the crowd goes fucking nuts. That's not true. All right do it in the ad, but you do it on stage and the crowd goes fucking nuts. That's not true. All right. Whatever you say, bro.

Whatever the fuck you say. I got to see Barbie still, though. I'll watch it. I've heard it's good. I've heard there's not enough previews, though. Really? That was a Che joke? There's not. I didn't want to throw shade at my theater i think

it's a local theater thing yeah it's like not an amc so i'm a little bit tired of theaters doing like throwback graphics like nostalgia like not early 90s graphics and shit like that it's like there's that. There's other eras that you can harken back to. Do you mean like... Give me an example. No smoking inside the theater. If you hear

someone talking, make sure to shush them. It's just old... I feel like every movie theater maybe it's just because I'm going to the movies in Brooklyn. Everybody's doing like the same like nostalgic aesthetic

I don't know it seems to be across the board with the 90s it's getting old 90s is getting old man it is it is weird

they have it they do have a very wide range of different type of theaters in New York like they have like the really old traditional theaters and they have like the IMAX fucking massive ones with recliners.

Yeah, with the Tempur-Pedic bed on it. I'm way more into that. I love those theaters. Same. I go to one that's the top floor of a hotel. Oh, really? What? Yeah.

Don't gatekeep. How was that? Was it old school, or is it nice? It's nice. Oh, nice. Yeah. It's awesome. Modern. I didn't even

know that existed until I went to college because when the movie theater is going up by me, they're all just like the chairs. Exactly. And I went to a theater and there was like waiters and shit coming around. Yeah, I went to an Alamo draft house to see Scream and it was like, I could lay back all the way. I didn't even know people bought

meals at movie theaters. Yeah, it blew my mind. It's awesome. A bowl of soup. It's not even that much more expensive, or it's relatively similar pricing to normal movie theaters. You've got an $18, $19 ticket, which is not that crazy considering you also have the option to have food brought to you. I guess they make all the money back by you spending $100 on food or whatever. You said on a previous episode you get a meal every time you see a movie, right?

I'd love to, yeah. It's so fun. Are you talking about a concession stand-ass meal? I'm talking about someone, a waiter, bringing me... Oh, where is this? Is that a surprise? Elmo Draft House has it. Nighthawk Cinema has it.

There's a bunch in New York. I actually find it way more distracting because what happens is at the near close of the movie the waiters will come out with flashlights and ask you to sign stuff like your credit card statement drop checks I would kind of like to be surprised what to find out when the movie is coming to a close but you know how long the movie is yeah but I'm not keeping that time in my head. It's just like, you know, I'm kind of wrapped up in the story. But I feel like you could tell when a movie's like,

when the action's getting to a point where it's like, okay, like, we've ascended enough, and then this is like the climax of the movie. I've been shocked by the ending of a movie a couple times. Like, that's it? Oh, really? Yeah.

Christopher Nolan's always on that shit. I don't know if you guys saw today's part of my take with Dan Campbell, but they were talking about... Aaron Rodgers said Christopher Nolan's best movie is The Prestige. I agree. I don't think it's a bad take at all. That movie's supposed to be really good, though.

I just watch it today. Every, I've never seen that movie. That movie's supposed to be really good, though. I think you would love it. I just watch it today. Yeah, every time I go home, that movie always comes up. Oh, yeah, people always put that in their top whatever. I just watched Interstellar on Friday. I love the Prestige. Yeah. I've never seen Interstellar. Interstellar was really good. Prestige is so good. That's Christopher Nolan,

right? Yeah. What was the movie that was just like the Prestige and came out right around the same time? I like that movie, too. Yeah, they were both illusionist yeah there's a there's a couple there's a couple good magic movies yeah i've seen the trailer for the prestige like 10 times because it's you open up netflix yeah it's what's it's alfred from batman yeah there's three parts to a magic trick. Watch it. Yeah, I really want to see it.

Both of them are good. Both of those magic movies are awesome. Yeah. I watched a magic movie recently, and it wasn't great. I think it was... Now You See Me? No, no. That movie, actually, I liked a lot.

What is it called? Like Nightmare Alley, maybe? Oh, I liked that movie. That was more about a mentalist. Yeah, that movie I didn't love. I guess that's the same shit as Magic. I thought that movie was not amazing. The ending I did not like.

Fuck. I'm sorry, man. I thought you were seeing Barbie on Sunday. No. You didn't do it? Not for me. No, it isn't. Exactly.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, yeah. A retriever. That's a golden retriever? I don't know. I tried to sell me that dog for $8,000 today. I would buy that dog

for $8,000. It's like a good-ass dog. Yeah. I know you got it, too. My sister's getting a dog, or she got a dog. She already has a dog. She has two dogs.

What kind did you get? Two golden retrievers. Wow. Damn. Her and her boyfriend, their dog, that's like a child for them. They drive from Chicago to Massachusetts because they're like, he can't fly on a plane. And I'm like, you guys got to figure that shit out because that is a pain in the ass. He's like 26 and she's like 24.

Oh, older. Oh, so he's grooming. They say that about any relationship. I know. I think I got both of their ages wrong too. Yeah, you lied on purpose. No, they've got to get her out of that, man. Yeah, she's being taken advantage.

She's being psychologically manipulated because she's young. That like a twitter thing i've been seeing that too that's been going on forever though every i was like the original like adam 22 scandal right he was like 19 and he dated like an 18 year old oh no they're doing it was a little worse than that they're like getting mad at like late 20s guys even hooking up with early 20s girls. Yeah, that shit is weird. Yeah, it's mad weird. It's an age where you kind of just understand the world. Are they kids?

Or just rewrite consent rules if you don't believe that they're the right rules. But also people are forgetting that the younger people are adults and are choosing to be in the relationship yeah right that's what I mean like they're consenting and like have full agency but hey the fuck do I know

everybody should just have to date somebody that was born like on their birthday yeah they're twin you need to be born with a twin and date them what's good with uh genetic engineering they're twin. You need to be born with a twin and paint them. What's good with genetic engineering? How's that shit work? I think they're progressing fast and heavily, but it's all under wraps in the labs. It's scarier.

They're about to drop it on us. They're about to drop some genetic engineering shit on us. We're about to pick. We're about to figure out what we want. I feel like some people are already picking and choosing what they want. Or I guess just things they don't want. Yeah. Yeah, I think.

Which makes, I think you would think we would have that. I think morally it would be fine for like, okay, I want to get rid of any chance for these sort of problems. Or disabilities or something. Right. But is it wrong to be like, I want my kid to be hot, blue eyes? I mean, that is a weird thing. It's a weird thing to like. Because it's like, oh, I want other kids to want to fuck my kid.

That shit is weird in and of itself, but I don't think it's wrong to want your kid to have like the privilege of being a good looking person yeah I think there's a lot of privilege that comes with people that are like really attractive definitely but like it would be weird like going through a catalog building your child yeah

weird as fuck is it like you can pick like between the two people's genes and be like this one's dominant this one's recessive or like this one like we want this one's dominant this one's recessive or like this one like we want this one to override this is it like you can pick like eye color or you pick whether they get earwax or not yeah i don't know it's all weird and how do they do it are they i think you know are there any like gross ass billionaire kids for sure yeah i'm yeah so it's

not so it's probably not available i don't think there's any like really how is Elon's kid what's they up to they're probably like old enough doesn't Elon have nine kids yeah he has a ton

of kids oh he has nine the recent one with the license plate yeah oh but there's another kid even after that I think

what I don't even think that's the most recent one the most recent one was he was fucking someone at Tesla, right? Yeah. Yeah.

That was his ninth kid. But he also had, I mean, Che brought this up about Oppenheimer, but that guy was just a philanderer through and through. He had fucking wives. Yeah. What a bad guy. What?

He has fucking wives. Yeah. Wait, oh, is that his most recent? Zoom in on the face. That's just X. No, that's 2020. That's the OG... Oh. X.

Oh my god, dude. He has twins. That shit was definitely genetic. Genetic engineering. Right, because... Oh, shit. So he's got... Oh, man, he's got so many kids.

He does not give a fuck. No. Oppenheimer, like... He, like, spoke very glibly in the movie about being like, these are, like, the privileges I have because I'm a genius. Which was a little bit off putting wait like pussy was one of his privileges? yeah it's like people are more forgiving oh which is like you have to think that Elon Musk is thinking the same thing yeah I cheated but like I'm changing the world

I don't think Elon Musk thinks about anything other than himself and how rich he is. Yeah, probably. Well, no, he is building some shit. He has to be thinking about some stuff. Yeah, but it's all for him. What do you mean? I don't know. I don't think he's

talking about making Twitter the most What is he saying? He's ruining Twitter. Yeah, but he said X is going to be the most... Oh, yeah, he's ruining Twitter. Yeah, but he said X is going to be the richest company in the world, or some shit like that. I feel like people look at that, like people on Twitter, like, yeah, Elon's changing Twitter. What are the charts?

Are people, like, deleting Twitter, or what's the user numbers? I don't think so. They claim that it's the most users they've ever had, right? Really? I mean, if it's just a reskin, I don't really care. I don't give so. They claim that it's one of the most users they've ever had, right? Really? I mean, if it's just a reskin, I don't really care. I don't give a shit, yeah. I don't really care. No.

What about the name? Do you like the name of it? X? I have it. Mine hasn't changed. Mine, I have a folder on my home screen, and it's still the Twitter icon on the folder, but when I open it, it turns to X. Really?

Yeah. Yeah, mine's just still straight up just Twitter. Funny that Truth kept his name. Did it? One hour ago. Trump. Talking about Chris Sununu. This guy's not running for president.

Okay, wow. Trump dropped a Truth today, right? Or was it yesterday where he said that, like, he's excited to watch the debates so he can consider who he might have as his vice president? That was a tweet? I think it was a truth. I think it truthed on us.

Yeah, he's, I mean, he's truthed like seven times today already. What's he saying? A radical left Democratic thug shouldn't be allowed to investigate me during and in the middle of my campaign for president. Why didn't they file these ridiculous charges two and a half years ago? They waited because they wanted to illegally and negatively influence the 2024 presidential election, arguably the most important election in the history of the USA. We are going to take our now third world nation, airports, elections, roads, highways, borders, etc., and make America great again. Be strong.

Does he ever toss in a snack food opinion, or is it all political? He had that beans take a while ago. He used to have Funyuns or Trash. He was a big fan of those beans, right? Trump? Yeah. What beans?

Beans. What beans? From Even Stevens. Which ones was it? The Trump beans. What brand? People stopped eating them for a while, but now they're beans. Oh, um...

Was it Goya? Yeah, I think so. I've seen those. Yeah, they're like the biggest brand on the planet yeah yeah the president

this is from the New Yorker the president is shilling beans that's his name shilling beans is a funny fucking name was he selling beans? Mr. President

President Beans what is Donald Trump's favorite snack? Diet Coke Trump? Diet Coke Trump loves Diet Coke so much that at one point he reportedly drank up to 12 cans of Coke a day

and had a Diet Coke button fitted in the Oval Office during his time in the White House That's fucking awesome I wish I had that You're more of a Red Bull guy though it seems No, Red Bull in the morning

DC's for the rest of the day Goya Foods is doing great. The radical left smear machine backfired. People are buying like crazy. It's fucking sick. I want to start listening to some more books on tape. You doing that? Trump had a great Diet Coke tweet a while ago.

What was he talking about? I forget. I've got to find it. He's definitely crushing DCs. Oh, he said this. The Coca-Cola company. This is from 2012. The Coca-Cola company is not happy with me.

That's okay. I'll still keep drinking that garbage. Yeah, that's awesome. Double dash. Yeah. Brilliant writing. That's awesome. Double dash. That's a great tweet. I have a book of all the letters that he's sent throughout his entire life.

I cracked it open the other day and it was just like a letter from Tony Bennett being like thanks for letting me stay at Mar-a-Lago. Here's a drawing I did of Mar-a-Lago. He just sent it to him as a letter from tony bennett being like thanks for making thanks for letting me stay at mar-a-lago like here's a drawing i did of mar-a-lago he just sent it to him as a letter this is what trump sent to him oh tony bennett stayed at mar-a-lago and then mar-a-lago and then uh tony bennett sent a drawing a sketch of mar-a-lago on like a fucking napkin or something to trump and now it's nationally archived but it was a beautiful sketch kind of cool really it was cool it's cool to see all these fucking these letters that people wrote i guess it's nationally archived, but it was a beautiful sketch. It's kind of cool. It was cool.

It is cool to see all these fucking, these letters that people wrote. I guess it's all like very significant historical record who the president writes letters to and who writes letters to the president or their emails and shit like that. Has Trump met Beetlejuice? He must have in like the 90s.

I feel like he did, yeah. Oh, he did, yeah. Now, Donald. I want you to meet someone. He must have gone on Stern. Yeah, he used to. Yeah, didn't he used to go on Stern all the time? You ain't pussy, Donald.

He's like, would you let your daughter date a black guy? I think I remember that. I think he said no. He said no. Like, way long ago. Unless I'm just dreaming that. I think they tried to bring up a bunch of shit from Stern when he was running for president in 2016. You ain't asked, Donald.

Be honest. Unbelievable. Unbelievable times. I was thinking the other day about seeing Howard Stern in the Sirius Studios. Like, he walked by with, like, 20 Sync of Fans. We used to go over to the serious studios when we started doing barstool radio we overlap or he had an office there he had an office he had a show he's like walking that's where he did it and it's like the 86th

floor in midtown manhattan and that memory triggered another memory of like coley going there one time when dave was doing an interview and like coley has a like a deathly fear of like heights and shit like that and so they said inside the building he was like hugging the walls imagine being on like the 86th floor of a way when he's just on the like 80th floor he can't not like overlooking something he wasn't overlooking he wasn't by the windows he wasn't on an observation deck hallway hugging the walls like his back to the wall which must i mean it must be torturous but also hilarious to see yeah i think it was maybe associated with his vertigo that he had or he couldn't fly for a while or some shit but it's just so funny to think of someone hugging the walls being up high is scary like you have to have a cognitive dissonance.

Seeing that where you could fall is the scary part. Right. More just, yeah, the idea that this building could fall over is inherently scary. Yeah, it is. What do you... You guys used to go into the serious office? Yeah. Like, to do the act?

It was when it was... I think Barstool Radio predated the act, and we just had, like... It was, like, some mixed martial arts station or something like that. We had a one hour two hour show. It was like me Dave, Caleb or something like that and then we got our own channel

and then that's when we added the Yak. And even when you guys were doing the Yak was it in the Sirius studio? No, that's when we were doing it from we didn't go to the Sirius studio every time but it was like if like um fucking jeff dunham is doing a press tour you go in and interview jeff dunham or something like that that makes sense like bill burr there were some cool names hannibal burris they would just get random people that went to serious serious was serious ruled for

a while and it was like a pretty tight office that like, I mean, it's all glass studios, but you walk through and it's the biggest names on Sirius

all simultaneously doing their shows right from there. It's really cool. Like they didn't work together. They're all paid independently by like Eminem Radio or whatever the fucking stations were.

But yeah, Sirius is big. You guys feel like spinning the wheel? Spin the wheel stations were. But yeah, Sirius is big. You guys feel like spinning the wheel? Spin the wheel, Ron. Carbone. Carbone would be awesome. Carbone. Carbone.

Close. Real close. Very close. Keep going. Real close. Very close. Ooh, ooh, ooh. Keep going. Keep. Fuck yeah. So are you guys in the rest of the week? Yes, sir.

A week. I was supposed to go to California on Thursday, Friday, but those plans might be in jeopardy. In jeopardy. Why are they in jeopardy? Just scheduling stuff. Classic. Been there, brother.opardy? Just scheduling stuff. Classic. Been there, brother. Tell me about it, man.

Been there once or twice. So, what's going to be all of us all week? Should we invite other people on the show? Yeah, we can get some other people in. Yeah. KB, you're... Let's do some sort of event. Let's...

I will get shit-faced with you guys. I swear to fucking God I will get drunk with you guys. I'll get shit-faced with you guys. I swear to fucking God I will get drunk with you guys. I'll get shit-faced with you tomorrow. Tomorrow? Are we shooting that thing with... Francis? Oh, yeah. Was that tomorrow?

Yeah. We're doing another... I thought it was going to be Thursday. If you don't go to... Oh, if I don't go, yeah, we could maybe do Thursday. Thursday. All right, I'll get drunk tomorrow. Work out in the morning.

You're not going to get drunk tomorrow. Not tomorrow. I can't get drunk tomorrow. Okay. Too much shit to do. I can act drunk. I can get drunk on Friday. I can get drunk on Friday.

I get fucking twisted on Friday. Just absolutely shit-faced. Mangled? Mangled. Like Nick? I want to get straight buck drunk on Friday. I can get fucking twisted on Friday. Just absolutely shit-faced. Mangled? Mangled. Like you read about? I want to get straight buckled on Friday. Let's get Nick Mangled. Okay.

Yeah, let's do something hard on Friday. Okay. All-hour stream. Start at 8 a.m. on Friday. 8 to 8 would be a breeze, man. 8 to 8 is just your normal guy's working shift. Yeah. Let's go 8 to 8, start off with some bloodies.

It'd be shit-faced the entire time. Yeah. Marathon. Do you think you could put in a 12-hour shift of drinking like that? I don't think so, man. No. No? 12 hours?

Definitely not. All right, I'm ready. I feel like you're tailgating a college game. You go out there to tailgate, like, a morning college game. Right. And you go to the game, and then, like, maybe, like, you go to a bar afterwards. You know what? Maybe here.

Okay, so I feel like maybe in this room, because there's no, like, sunlight, so you kind of really don't really know what time. Like, I don't know. I feel like the biggest problem with day drinking is, like, kind of really don't know what time. I don't know. I feel like the biggest problem with day drinking is you're outside. Dude forgot about clocks. Yeah, but you're outside in the sun, and then it starts getting dark, and you're like, holy shit, we've been drinking for so long, and I'm getting tired. It's a pace thing.

You just be neutral the whole time. It's about pace and PEDs. 12-hour shift would be a lot. It would be sweet. I'd have to hit a nap at some point. That's the point. It's no nap. 10 minute nap around hour 8.

I'm back. Would a 10 minute nap help you? I think it has to be like 20. I think there has to be a certain threshold. I read something that like 20 is good. Yeah. But 30 is bad. It'll make you cranky.

Yes. Yeah, 30 makes me real. An hour and a half is good for bringing up your creativity. It's a full circadian rhythm, right? 90 minutes. 30 minutes makes me real cranky. How cranky? Like you don't want to be around me.

That's how cranky. But what's 10 do? 10? Sharp. Sharp as ever. Energized. Perfect. Just got a little shut eye.

That's almost like a little bit of a meditation. Vacation. Shut the brain off for 10. That is sweet that you can do that. That's even an option. Sure, I can't. Takes me like 30 minutes to fall asleep. Okay.

Usually I set my alarm for 17 minutes because I think it's said that on average it takes you like 7 minutes to fall asleep. And then I time that up perfectly. So as soon as I'm out, then the 10 minutes begins. You do that? Yeah, all the time. Where? My home.

All the time? I do it like most days. Rip a 17 minute nap. You're an idiot. You're stupid as fuck. Why is that stupid? That's smart. Just the fact that you're doing it is funny as hell.

It's called science. 17 minutes. What are you doing, Kyle? You're back? KB's hitting a 17 right now. Try. BB, are we wearing the same shorts right now? My God.

My God. My God Almighty. Yeah, those are the same shorts. Don't put that on me. These are the exact same shorts. They ain't. Going tomorrow. Why are you ripping my style, bro?

Sass rules everything around me. KB, are you hitting a 17er? I'm going to try. Don't talk to him. All right, well, we'll have to stay on the podcast. We'll have to stay live for the next 17. Stay talking. We're going to talk, but not to him.

We're going to just keep it natural. It's like the TV being on in the background. I don't like that. Let's let KB hit this 17er, and then we'll wrap it up. Yeah. It works. Once he wakes up. Once he wakes up.

Let's see if he can actually fall asleep. I think he could. You think? I don't think I could fall asleep on this. There has to be. I don't show. Dude, knowing that there's viewers. They want him to fall asleep. No, but I couldn't think I could fall asleep on this show. There has to be. I don't. Dude, like, knowing that there's, like, viewers. Like.

They want him to fall asleep. No, but, like, I couldn't sleep. Oh, yeah. The vulnerability. You know, you need to feel pretty safe to fall asleep, I think. Or if he just gets hard. Like, you're out of, it's out of control. I hope he gets hard.

If he gets so hard. So bad. If you get a boner, we'll cover it up. TJ, do you have any have anything set for that? Like a blur? Pixelation? Dude, I heard the funniest clip from Taylor LeJuan. It was like a TikTok of him telling a story.

And the story was that, like, I think, and they even said who the defensive lineman was in the comments. I think it was, like, Malik Jackson was, like, talking shit to him the whole day, and he was, like, it was between quarters, and he was, like, listen, buddy, you keep talking shit to me, and I'm going to suck your dick. And then the center on the team came over and was, like,

and we swallow over here. Oh, my God. See, that was good. That was too funny. You guys got to talk about nothing. Fuck. All right. Restart the clock, I guess. I guess back to 17. I got to figure out this position. That was good. That was too funny. You guys gotta talk about nothing. Fuck. Alright, restart the clock, I guess.

It goes back to 17. I gotta figure out this position. That was close. Do you want to lay on the ground? No, it's not gonna be comfortable enough. You think that's more comfortable? Yeah, then this ground, dude, this is the hardest carpet floor maybe on Earth. It's like fucking steel.

Hard carpet. We do have the hardest carpet. This carpet must be like one millimeter thick. Nice thin carpet. This is good. That's good? Right, right. So I guess we have to talk about nothing.

I guess we just riff. But not funny. It can't be funny. It can't be funny. Semi-educational. All right. Not overly't be funny. It can't be funny. Semi-educational. All right. Not overly interesting. Oh, fuck.

Some, like, animal facts or some shit like that. Do you know? Spork? Oh, no. No, he'd be too curious. Too curious. Good job, TJ. We're talking about the Red Flank Duker.

We don't know what that is. Look it up. Read the Wikipedia page. All right. TJ, can you pull up Red Flank Duker? They talk about the feud between the CIA and the FBI leading up to 9-11. What? Yeah.

Is that true? Is that documentary you recommended? Yeah, The Looming Tower. It's a show, though. It's not a documentary. The feud between the FBI and the CIA? They were withholding information from each other. Mostly the CIA.

CIA. Bad guys. It's not happening. Oh, KB. I forgot 9-11. That's me as well. Bag of dog treats. I'm not going to pretend like I was close. I wasn't.

We didn't think you were. We're only out for a minute. It takes seven minutes to fall asleep. It's true. Look it up. I'm agreeing with you. All right. Well, let's try and fall asleep again tomorrow.

Tomorrow, yeah. We'll put you guys all to sleep tomorrow. I won't drink coffee. And, yeah, come back for a little bit of the yak later on this week. We'll be yakking.

Yep. I love you guys. Oh my God. All right. All right. Outro Music