The Yak - Sas Joins Sirius XM Show. Sirius Gets Cancelled. | The Yak 9-29-21

Episode Date: September 29, 2021

U mad bro?You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. How does the app track? It tracks how much you spend on the top and bottom. Yeah, that's right. Damn, I neglect the bottom for sure. Really? No one sees the bottom. What do you mean?

You're bottom. You show exclusively bottom. Yeah. Uh-uh. Oh, yeah. What do you got on your bottom right now? Obviously something. I got a Black Buffalo Ritual Peach.

Damn. Damn, how's it tasting? My favorite product. I thought you gave that shit up. No, that's booze. Oh, okay. I thought it was any buzz. I thought even down to the light years. No, that's how you become a rapist.

Yeah. You have to have a vice. Every one person has to have a vice. You can't be completely sober and do nothing like... It's not even the rapist's fault. Okay, you can do petty theft. Yeah. If you don't drink or do drugs like you can do petty theft yeah if you

don't drink or do drugs you can do petty theft but you need to have a vice you have to have something you have nothing then you're a rapist oh i have no vices my only vice is i have a subway sandwich every day guess what next thing you know you're slim and you're you got the picking of the children you want yeah uh no big cat maybe no brandon all show why not i don't know he just like came out and he was like i can't do that and i just i waved him off i'm like shut the fuck up yeah keep it moving just sit it out sit it out brother i don't want to i don't want to hear this charlie horse bullshit i pulled my tongue he's taking a rest please see stop trying with excuses which is good good for him i mean hungry is

i aspire to stop with excuses i almost gave an excuse like for being late the other day i was gonna say i was on a call i feel like that's like a blanket all and i was i just deleted the text you gotta follow the kiss theory keep it simple keep it stupid yeah and what just don't lie to people liars will always go into detail i lied uh like to somebody who works with arbitrary detail they asked me to fly down to miami for that hooters commercial uh and i was just like now i have a wedding they were like it's tuesday i was like yeah their point is just gonna stick with tuesday wedding they were hamstrung yeah it couldn't do it any other day yeah shit but they wanted me to be in that hooters commercial the beer guy i was like we have a beer guy. He was like, yeah, Dana said no.

So they came to me. I'm beer guy number two. I would have easily took a free trip to Miami on a Tuesday. They didn't ask, you're not a beer guy. You've been preaching sobriety. I don't think that's the reason they didn't ask. You fucked yourself. Me, I'm always sipping brew.

Yeah, you are. Coors Light. Exclusively? Oh, yes. Hit the ad. I win. When you need to slow down, just open a Coors Light.

It's mountain cold refreshment made to chill. It tastes great from Coors Brewing Company in Golden, Colorado. Slow down, celebrate responsibly. Drizzle your Instacart,

go to CoorsLight.com slash take. Yeah, that's right. You ever been to Golden, Colorado? I drove through it on the way up to

Steamboat Springs. Yeah. Yeah. Estes Park. I was renting a horse. You guys are black today. Whoa. Yeah, we are. I'm wearing a die-trying hoodie.

My favorite series at Barstool. He will die. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Well, the last episode's Seppuku. He trains with a samurai and fails. I'm going to try and crash this plane into this warship. He'll succeed, too. Oh, he will.

Damn, I thought I was going to polish that bite way faster of that quest bar. He should crash into the USS Arizona Memorial. Where's Big Cut? Over it. He quit? Yeah. Slowly phasing out. Slowly phasing himself out.

He said, divide up his kingdom as we see fit. Right. What do you want of his? The pile? Would love it. His child?

No, the pile's not really for me. Oh, child. I looked in the pile expecting to get some good grabs, but it's all just like jerseys and stuff. Where's that Blackhawks shirt from? You're in the wrong place, brother. Yeah, that's probably from the pile expecting to get some good grabs, but it's all just like jerseys and stuff.

Where's that Blackhawks shirt from? You're in the wrong place, brother. Yeah, that's probably from the pile. It's true. Is it actually? No. Damn. Do you guys have any unwritten jersey rules?

I know you'd probably do around. For men wearing jerseys. They can't be younger than you? No, I don't have any rules on that. I stopped wearing jerseys because I don't have the upper arms for it. You know what I mean? I don't do white guys. Really?

Yep. There's a lot of people that exclusively do white guys. That's why I don't. Lenny Balls. Really? Oh, yeah. What?

You should see his fantasy teams. Cooper Cup, Adam Thielen, Christian McCaffrey. Yeah, he's starting Kyle Juszczyk as his running back, too. He's in an all-kicker league. He's got a punter's position.

No, I don't have any unwritten jersey rules. Let the guys have fun. Yeah, just let you know if you're going to wear one. Why not? Ladies love a jersey. Wear a jersey in Jersey. Go down the Jersey Shore. Fucking rock a jersey at the Ocean Drive.

Meet the love of your life. What was the first jersey you ever had? Harold Minor heat jersey. Whoa. Yeah. Very nice. Baby Jordan. Yeah, Baby Jordan.

And then the first one I bought with my own cash was a Nikolai Skidishvili Denver Nuggets jersey. Fuck yeah. When him and Nene got picked in the same first round by the Nuggets, I thought that they were about to have this international renaissance. Never came to fruition. So, Ash, what's good with you, brother? Nothing. Just chilling.

I love that. I love that, too. I was about to buy some black Converse last night, and I balked because I was like, I'll just be copying off his ass. You would be. I know. Now I can't have the most popular shoe of all time. Yeah.

Switch into white. Are you? Switch into white Converse. Perfect. Let me know when you get out. They take too long to break in. I know. You got to really muck them up.

I know. I got a white pair of Adidas. Bring them down to a nice pile of mud. Can't wear them into the office yet because they're not mucked yet. Yeah. Because I know I'm going to walk in. Three fresh pairs. You can't wear them.

Yeah. Yeah. I hate that. You turn into sort of like an attention whore if you walk into the building with brand new white shoes. Shoes are the haircut of the feet. Yeah. Even brand new Converse.

Everybody points at me. They are the haircut of the feet. Even brand new Converse No I had this haircut I just haven't worn it yet Yeah No I've had I got these for Christmas actually

You got these about a month ago I always lie I said yeah no I had these For a few months I always say that My first time wearing them Yeah I just haven't had the time I've worn them

Because I don't want the attention There's too much attention But you do want the attention But you don't You don't know how to deal with it And I Oh new shoes Not really.

I got them like last week. Yeah, those are new. Even within a year. But did you see that scuffed Air Force is our gentrification now? No way. Has that been the case? I don't know, but someone put a name on it. Someone put it in a nice, succinct sentence, and now it really is the case.

Scuffed Air Force is our gentrification, so we can't have that anymore. It's too bad. I think we could still do it, though. Fuck it. Fuck it. I could never pull off Air Forces. Yeah, you could. No chance.

What would you do if you had a lot of money, Sass? Like, what would you spend it on? I was wondering that about you the other day. He will be perpetually miserable. Fortunately, I do have a lot of money already. But there is no course to happiness for you. No, there really isn't. I talk about that behind your back a lot.

I don't think he'll ever find any joy. He'll always be depressed. I experience joy in very short bursts. Like after I did my stand-up show, I was like, oh, that was fun. And then like 20 minutes later, I was like, all right, lower than you've ever been. Yeah. Yeah. Because it wasn't what you thought it would be.

No, I don't know why. Well, I thought this was what I always wanted, and now I have it, and what now? And I still have this cavern of emptiness inside of me. My thoughts echo around. I enjoy buying stuff. Yeah? Yeah. I think that maybe, would you rather spend a bunch on things that you could buy or just

have a really comfortable home base? That's a real nice place to lie down and look at comments on the internet. I am a home base guy, but I'm not size. I'm for coziness. Yeah, I agree. Yeah, I'm a cozy guy. You're a size guy. You're a Miss Muffet guy.

Actually, I'm a Muffet. You're in a Tuffet, bro, eating curds. I need to find a nice Tuffet in West Village. Yeah. Yeah, you do. If I had a bunch of money, I'd get a nice ski house out in Colorado. Would you ski, or would you just literally just sit on your phone in the snow? Yeah.

No Tuffet, no curds, no way. No, I don't think there's anywhere in New York that I'd be happy. But maybe West Village. West Village is nice. It feels like you're in Rome. In what sense? It just feels like a nice city. Unlike every other part of New York.

What are some of the landmarks that you like over there? I might speak Because the only time I've been to West Village I went to an Italian restaurant It's like I'm in fucking Rome here You're at Maggiano What the fuck is this It was a very nice cozy bar

And I was like This is awesome And then you go back To Hell's Kitchen And you're like Now we're home You should just get out of there If your environment

Affects your mindset that much You just just got to put yourself in a nice – you just got to move somewhere nice and spend all your money on that. That's why my past two apartments haven't had windows. I could be fucking anywhere. Suspension of belief. That is true. They didn't. Yeah.

People do that. They'll try and trick themselves and put up a fake window and then those little lights that make it look like there's outside. And they'll have a money timer. That's got to be the lowest a human can get. That's my apartment. It's a fake window. You walk into my apartment and there's this giant wall of curtains. And it's like, oh, that's a huge bay window, Nick has.

No, that's my closet. Really? Yeah. But behind that curtain, when it's closed, it's Schrodinger's closet. It could be anything behind there. You've got to get the lights. We have to find you the lights that simulate that it's like a daytime, nighttime situation. Because I think you can't get them on a timer.

Okay. Yeah, I need that. I have one of those depression lights. It doesn't do anything. Yeah, what is it? It's a depression light. You feel more depressed when you're like, wow, I'm at a point in my life where I have to stand in front of this light. It attracts depressed people like a light attracts flies.

It doesn't even have a bulb. It just has a fork you could stick in the socket. There's a TikTok account of someone who lives beneath, it might be the Denver airport, and they live six stories underground in this massive apartment. I don't even know what their life is that they live like six stories underground and in this like massive apartment. I don't even know how that like what their life is

that they live like this but I wonder if we could pull it up. That'd be cool if we could maybe find this because it's preposterous. It's a very deep cut TikTok but it has a lot of likes

but they have It's like a parasite. It kind of is but they like they have in every single room like they're simulating that there's just a closed window and they have lights going on

and they're really trying to trick their bodies while living underneath an airport. So a weird fucking lifestyle. Don't you think it would be hard to trick yourself when you know this is not real? I'm pretty trickable. I think your brain, too. I think your circadian rhythm and shit like that is trickle.

I was going to say that. Yeah, you just got to be barefoot. You weren't going to say that. I would fall for every placebo. Yeah? Yeah. I mean, they'd flat out just work all the time. Yeah.

Why not? I think a lot of medicine has to, anything over the counter is placebo. Yeah. None of that shit works. No way. Advil and Tylenol are both placebos, 100%. Tums are big hoes now. Tums are? Yeah. And Pepto shit works. No way. Advil and Tylenol are both placebos, 100%. Tums are mentos now. Tums are?

Yeah. And Pepto-Bismol. Tums, I agree, could very well be placebo. It's just a sweet, sweet candy. It's a Necco wafer. It's just like the dust that they find on the bottom of a factory floor that they sweep together and make into fucking little Tums. Yeah.

And Bismols. The fuck is the etymology of Pepto-Bismol? Yeah. It sounds Eastern European. We'll join our houses. Since anti-Halloween Brandon's not here, can we talk about Halloween? What's your guys' favorite candy? Necco Wafers.

Necco Wafers. Before we do this, pretend like you are on the stage for an open mic and recite your tweet from last night. It's actually this morning. In stand-up cadence. Let me get the wording because that's the important part.

Maybe like vent about all these stupid national holidays and segue into it. Yesterday I saw everybody posting about Sunday. No, no, no. You've got to start with other holidays. What the fuck is up with all these? Every day is a new holiday. National Donut Day. Does it even mean anything anymore? Nobody's celebrating

these. Alright. What's with all these Instagram holidays? I mean, you've got National Puppy Day, National Pancake Day. We had National Daughter Day last week. I saw National Sunday was yesterday. My wife came up to me. Everyone was posting about Sunday.

My wife said, I told my wife, hey, it's Tuesday. Sunday was a couple days ago. That was crushed. That was crushed. Sash, you're out as the comedian. That was crushed. He was the comedian now god damn that was good where did you uh did you steal that sounds like you frank i didn't actually uh i could i'm sure

someone else came up with that joke but uh i just went on i don't go on instagram as much but i went on instagram this morning i saw yesterday was sun likeN day. And I missed out. I was sun, so I didn't post anything. Hashtag boy-dad problems. So, yeah, I decided to make a joke out of it. Hashtag boy-dad problems. And you also released a new t-shirt. What does it say? It says, you mad bro.

So there's... Oh, no. Pull it up. There's some historical precedent to that. The mall kiosk in 2008 well you know you know striking when the iron's hot what was the iron here well there is a story to this so richard sherman just signed with the bucks today after a game in 2012 where in the seahawks beat the patriots 24 23 he went up to tom brady after because tom brady's talking shit to him during the game he said you mad pro so there's So there's a, there's historical context.

It's like the troll face meme. The kids in like in my sixth grade. Who would wear the you mad bro? The kids in middle school who used to like smoke cigarettes would wear those shirts

at my school. Or like a Guatemalan, a short Guatemalan man at a street fair. Yeah. And they would also wear the ones that are like equally short white.

That shirt will pair well with a Cookie Monster flatbread. Yeah, yeah. Have you ever seen the ones that are like... This equally short white. That shirt will pair well with a Cookie Monster flatbread. Yeah, yeah. Have you ever seen the ones that are like, cool story, bro, tell it again? Yeah. That's like... Just in massive font.

That's something a guy who like aspires to look like Patrick Stump would wear to a Dungeons and Dragons game at a strip mall in Indiana. His peak looks is Patrick Stump. He's like aspiring to be a doppelganger. He's Stump Patrick Stump. his peak looks is patrick stump he's like aspiring to be a doppelganger why do people who do heroin wear patrick stump hats for so long i do why what was that that was that the only headwear that they could get were they at like a secondhand headwear point in their life where they were just getting like recycled headwear from a little bit ago or is it like a cultural signifier that you're looking for dope there There's also an open-air dope market on 23rd and 6th Street.

And they pretend to sell novels and suitcases and pairs of shoes. And it's just obviously a dope market. They're obviously. You know what I'm talking about? And the books are just tattered. I want to tell them that they're going to get busted. They need to tighten up their fucking operation. Because if a dumbass like me can tell that they're obviously just selling heroin on the street like that,

I mean, cops must just know. Cops don't care. They're as corrupt as anyone in this fucking city. You said it, brother. I'm tired of the fucking corrupt cops. We got to fucking get internal affairs on their asses. Stat. We need to put out a yak shirt that's a meme.

Bad luck, Brian. What would our Yak bad luck Brian shirt say? Like, you mad bro level? Or something that's even... With something a little bit more? Dude, it's tough. I mean, it's tough to even find that. Join Sirius radio show.

Join Sirius show. DLN. It's tough to even find that. Joins Sirius Radio Show. Joins Sirius Show. DLNs. It's a picture of sass. Oh, man. Fucking sass. Joins the Yak with... Joins Barstool Yak with Big Cat. Big Cat quits.

Big Cat stops coming in. Yeah, he is. He's done. That shit is going to sell. That shit's coming in. Yeah, he is. He's done. That shit is going to sell. That shit is going to sell like fucking hotcakes. We got to take over the company now. Yeah, we got to. We got to put the fucking company on our back.

Owen, you're in charge of gambling now. Yep. Yeah, of course. I want to see 50% growth within... A week. Yeah, a week would be nice. Just push it. See if you can push it to the limit.

KB, you are in charge of chicks now. Yeah, you are in charge of chicks. Easy. What's your first step as leader? A Euro step. Did you see the other day, what is it? Not fifth year. Barstool U posted, like, somebody had killed themselves at a school,

and they tagged, like, at the school chicks. Oh, no. In the caption, yeah. No way. Yeah. Ugh. Can we pull that up? That security guard looked at me today and was like, I heard about you.

Nuh-uh. Yeah, because there's a Polaroid of you on the back of Ebony's desk right now. What does that mean? Don't let this guy within five feet of you. It's like a shoplifting photo. Go tease him a little bit. Go tease him. Just do a barrel roll past him.

Just run past and do a somersault. Do a little Aikido roll. Back in Aikido, they always used to have us rolling. Remember like tackle football as a kid, like there were kids who just couldn't do a somersault. And I was like, maybe you shouldn't be here.

I broke my arm doing a somersault. They would just roll their head to the ground. They just could not do it. I used to be like, I couldn't do it. And the dad is like, behind the fence watching,

just like, fuck. God damn it. Yeah. He's just crushing fucking butt heavies, wondering what's wrong with this son. Look yourself in the mirror. What was your problem with it, though, Nick? Where did you go wrong?

I'm all around brittle. So you hit it right, but you just couldn't come out of it. Yeah, it was executed perfectly. I just came up with a broken leg. You said you were allergic to Bermudian grass or something, which wasn't the type of grass that was on the field we practiced now we were on a fescue yep i tried fuck i used to do them in my head would come i'd like be trying to roll over for so long and it hurt my head so much so you couldn't do it? No. Well, I had my runs, obviously.

A couple moments of glory. Successful somersaults, you mean? Yeah. You couldn't string together a bunch of them in a row? No, definitely not. You were no carry strug. Kyle, you were the kid that probably fell on purpose just so you could do that cool kick. Yeah. I would do that.

Damn, I can't believe I fell. I would do the backwards somersault and then land on my feet. Yeah, always. Like that skater video. That's worse than not being able to do it. Yeah, it is. Were you a big backflip guy?

I would slide on my head, obviously. I did backflip for a little bit. There's a lot of kids whose whole personality is just based off of them being able to do a backflip. Yeah. Like high school. There's grown men on TikTok. Yeah, people try and time it now to the start of their favorite song at a concert.

Oh, that's super cringey. Cringey? It goes fucking dumb. Does it go dumb? What do you mean they start it? There was a viral one that was like, I backflipped to the start of Miss the Rage. It was the best moment of my life. But I've seen the video.

Have you seen the videos of it? It's sick. It's sick. That's what it's sick. It's sick. Like when the beat drops And fucking everybody starts going nuts Big Cat we were gonna We're just gonna

Talk Let you eat And kind of ease you Into the Easy way into the conversation These headphones suck Yeah always in that seat You always got one ear?

Yeah Yeah It's always in that Come over here Brandon He's not gonna be here I saw I walked by brandon we have the same thing that we have to do later at the same time he just gives a half-ass

excuse so he just whimpered at at me so i don't don't i don't want to hear it what are you boys getting into college football you know for sure all right i'm gonna ease my way into it sass what do you think state's gonna do this this week? Big game for State. Big game for State. Oh, yeah. Of course. They got to whip Indiana's ass for last year. Yeah.

That's a lot of fries. Those are probably my least favorite. Oh, they're my favorite. Genre of fries. Toss me a steak. Just a single. I want them thin as hell. Shoe string.

You like shoe string? I do like shoe string. Oh, I love a shoe string. I love a fat steak fry. Oh, yeah love a shoestring fry. I love a fat steak fry. Oh, yeah. Yeah? Yeah? They smell very good.

I want to feel like I'm eating a whole potato. Curly fries are always Cajun. I hate curly fries. I don't like them either. They're too big. Curly and waffle, overrated. All flair. Waffle, I don't like waffle either.

You can't dip them. You guys are hot take merchants. No. I know. Say what you actually feel. It's fucking bananas. You're just trying to get your fucking Stephen A. Smith. Damn, Nick was electric today.

He said he didn't like curly fries. I don't like bread. Okay, well, I kind of don't. Waffle fries are probably the most dippable fry, unless you're dipping them in water. What do you mean they're the most dippable Unless you're dipping them in water Yeah sometimes they don't even fit

Sometimes they don't even fit in your little ketchup Sometimes it doesn't even fit How could you even say that Che That makes no sense No because they can even curl to fit in the water Che are you thinking surface area No I mean yeah you can curl them to fit in any dip Yeah the way that they're engineered

And they hold the sauce well Like it's not dripping from the holes But a regular fry could literally fit into any dip. Yep. And they're faster. Yeah. It's most aerodynamic. You could fit waffle fries together like Lincoln Logs and build a skyscraper.

Yeah. They're perfectly engineered. There's the lattice of them. Incredible lattice. Yeah, it's one of the best. Have you ever dipped a fry into the packet? Yeah. No.

What do you mean? What the fuck are you talking about? Just right into the packet. Right into the packet? Yeah. No. What do you mean? Who the fuck are you talking about? Just right into the packet. Right into the packet. The packet. The ketchup packet or just the dip packet? Ketchup. I don't think I have.

Your color is really good. Not with waffle. Yeah, what is that? Where's that from? You want to try to get free food? That looks like it's from Wolf Nights. Oh, yeah. That place is amazing.

That Wolf Nights is so good. We love from Wolf Nights. Oh, yeah. That place is amazing. Wolf Nights is so good. We love Wolf Nights. Send us. Send us. It actually is awesome. They have the best tortilla. I'm thinking of a different world where burrito versus... You love tortillas.

They're real thick and flavorful. That's bread. That's basically just bread. I like bread. I'll go with bread. All right. Inconsistency. But, like, what if burrito had beaten pizza and you were just running around doing burrito?

I did beat pizza. But, I mean, you won the battle. I beat pizza. So, where's the one bite at for burritos? I proved the, as it pertains to the hypothetical, I won. If you had to eat one thing for the rest of your life and nothing else, burrito is better than pizza. Yes. Sure.

Yeah, 100%. Pizza is more plentiful everywhere, so that's probably why it won out. Because Dave got sick of pizza after five days. I didn't get sick of burritos. What differentiates a burrito and a wrap? Heat. I think Mexican Yeah

Mexico So what is that? My word It's a big bite Oh yeah Don't even show it on the camera Slow down big cat Yeah

Oh no Think of this So now we're playing with our food So that's what the show's become A once mighty program has fallen. We were great. We used to be great. This guy walks hard.

What's up, brother? He walks hard. He's the... He looks hard. Yeah, he does. He stares hard. He's killed before. He looks like a crazy bone.

You remember those toys that you would flick at each other? Yeah. Go-go crazy bones? Yeah, he looks like a crazy bone. You got him in a coffin at Rite Aid? Yeah, you would. I was nice with the real fat one. You know what I'm talking about?

The real thick one and the thin triangular ones that you could flick real fast. Those are my two. If I was picking, if I was drafting, those would be the ones I would take first. I liked Z-Rex. He was rare. You're a collector. You could say that. I've never bought or sold a single thing on eBay, and I want to get into the game.

I was thinking it last night, but is everything pre-owned? No. Well, I mean, yeah, because the person that you're buying it from owns them, but maybe not used. Pre-worn, I guess? Things that were worn by other people give me the heebie-jeebies. The smell. The smell gives me the heebie-jeebies. It smells like a library.

The dead skin cells on it alone have to be fucking just too much to handle. I'm a big eBay guy. Yeah? Yeah. What if your outfit has been eBayed? This hat. Really? Yeah.

Why don't you give us a tour of it? All right. What is that? Orange hunter camo. It's going to be like a deer on the front. Or a gun. Gun. On the side on the bill. Camouflage bill. Oh, so it's a hunting hat. It's a hunting to be like a deer on the front. Or a gun. Gun. On the side on the bill.

Camouflage bill. Oh, so that's a hunting hat. It's a hunting hat, but what's on the front? A trumpet. Oh, a woodwind. A trumpet. Oh, fuck. That's a trumpet.

Yeah, so. That's a brass. That's a one-of-one. That's a brass, yeah. Come on, bro. You're thinking of a piccolo. I was. That's a one-of-one.

Somebody was testing out their embroidery skills. That's fucking, where did you find that? How much digging did you have to do? How did you even find that on eBay? I searched Trumpet Hat. First result. Trumpet Hat. That took me like three seconds, right?

It wasn't red? People probably stumbled across some accidentally from time to time. I thought I ordered a different hat. Trumpet Trump 2021. Yeah. Make America Trumpet again. Now that's fucking good. That's good.

That is fucking good. Let's put that on a shirt. Actually, let's put that on the Barstool store. You mad, bro? With a trumpet. No. Not at all. It's a pleasant instrument. Not. Not at all. It's a pleasant instrument.

Not even a little bit. It's one of the most pleasing Louis Armstrong fucking... No, we'll have to put like bad trumpet sound in like quotations. Are you mad, bro? This bad trumpet sound. I'll buy it. I'll buy it one time Wear it one time

Trying to get into fast fashion Because my shirts have been shrinking Quickly Have the shirts been shrinking Adam? Shut up dude Shut the fuck up bro I've been in these Pilates classes Doing my side bends and my sit ups

Trying to not lose my butt But I've been trying to get slim Marriage has not been trying to get slim. Marriage has not been kind to you. Fuck, bro. It's all downhill from here, man. I'm trying to be in the best shape of my life when I'm in my 50s,

when I'm KB's age. Yeah, KB is low-key 50. We don't bring that up enough. The old head of the group. The greatest generation. Fucking KB's ass. KB's old ass. You definitely just sit in a recliner for fucking three to four hours a night.

Yeah. Just read a newspaper under a single soft 30 30 watt bulb a soft light bulb sought the yellow light not even a 50 year olds are like young now yeah like current 50 year olds yeah yeah i actually they behave more like younger men i agree with that they do 60 is the new 50? Yeah. That's fair. Easily. 65. 65 is the new 50, I'd say. Nowadays, 50-year-olds are at the fucking,

at the club. I was hanging out with some 50-year-olds the other night. Were you? You were there. Oh, those guys are 50,

yeah. But they were just talking about the club. They're like, we were in Soho last weekend at the club, like going to the sick club and they had like

little inside jokes with each other. Like they were like 20-something-year-old girls. Like they wouldn't even say like, remember what happened with you-know-who. And they were like gossiping behind their hands and shit like that. That's right. Those guys were a young 50. Yeah, that's what they are. The most famous 50-year-old, guess.

The most famous 50-year-old? Leo. Yeah, Leo. I think he's older. he's old timberlake no neither of them are 50 yet no they're probably yeah elon musk yes oh i was looking at your phone uh but that was really smart of you to do yeah so i still get credit smarter than guessing i still get credit thank you you're crafty thank you crafty veteran, so what happened? Did Musk go single? Musk is 50. He's a young soul.

What about Jeremy Renner? Renner's 50. He's still doing social media. What the fuck? Damon's 50. Oh, wow. Damon's 50. He went great.

Johnny Damon is? Missy Elliott. Johnny Damon was a legend. Is the Asian woman from... Constance Wu? No, from... I don't even know what doctor series she's in. Pimple Popper?

Angels. The Angels. Charlie's Angels. Lucy Liu. Is she? Is she 50? You saw Sandra Oh and thought that was Lucy Liu? That was close.

Yes, I did. Who's Sandra Oh? What's Sandra Oh from? She's from The Doctor Woman I've never seen an episode of Grey's Anatomy But it's still on the air Yeah Wait, what?

Oh yeah I just said yeah To make conversation What are you saying right now? Yesterday I saw a commercial for it And I remarked the exact same thing Meredith Grey is on For a fucking another season

It's new? And she went through some tragedy on the show Or something The plot is still going The plot is still going. The plot is still going. Didn't a plane hit a hospital or a helicopter hit a hospital and it killed just one of the main characters? No way. I think it was like a plane crash.

Yeah, into a hospital. How do you guys know this? I watched the first couple seasons. But that was before you were born. It literally must be on for like 18 years. Are you younger than Grey's Anatomy? No way. I think he is.

I think you might be. No, 2005. Close, though. I've seen like six seasons or something. No one loves Erykah Badu more than like white NBA journalists on Twitter. That's true. Oh, my God. That's actually true.

Erykah Badu. And like KRS-One and shit like that. They'd love to be at a Lauren Hill concert or something like that. Just waiting for four hours. They don't have the shirts. They're listening to Aerosmith. Yeah, people come up to them and like, what are you listening to? And you can hear like, ready to walk again.

Erykah Badu. The Roots. Listen to some Badu. Talit Quelli. Learning to walk again. Who's that? Who sings that song? That's the Foo Fighters.

Foo Fighters. Oh, man. They're still out there. Yeah. They're a funny group to me. They're still going strong. Some people really like them I think Frankie Borelli really likes them

I used to I think there's no shame in liking them I'm actually trying to tell you exactly where my like is I like them I don't really like them I almost said I really like them It sounds like Creed But Creed is universally a meme hateable, and Foo Fighters are like,

there's no one that really dislikes them. I think it's because Dave Grohl was in Nirvana. That's it. Is that really what it is? I think so. And Creed is a much cooler name than Foo Fighters. Yeah. Creed rock.

Although Foo Fighters have that Ray Gunn. That album with the Ray Gunn. Yeah. That's cool. What was it? Very cool. I don't remember seeing this. You don't know any Foo Fighters.

Creed had all-time bad album covers. Yeah. There was cool. Very cool. You don't know any Foo Fighters. Creed had all the bad album covers. Yeah. There was one with their faces in a tree. Have you ever seen that one? Yes. It looked like the ticket stubbed tree. Like Grandmother Willow? It was much like Grandmother Willow.

By the way, I wanted to just make a quick announcement. I thought it was Beeman too. Nah, it ain't Beeman. We already broke the news. Sad to see you go brother Moving to Florida The ship lost a good one I'm dying

No Sass Yeah The ratio didn't work last night Oh no Brutal You tried You tried to ratio me

And it wasn't even close I went bold I tried to ratio a tweet of his That had 15,000 likes Yeah He got like 700 likes. It was bad. No, it's got like 2K.

Oh, okay. So still needs eight times more. Yeah. Close. It was a great move to go for the glory, though. Yeah, you did shoot. It would have been way cooler if it did ratio. No, no, because this is good life experience.

I'm going to go with that and we got it. I'm going to ratio someone with zero followers. Yeah, you should. I meant to ratio Big Cat's PMT posts today. But that's like punching Mike. That's like going up and trying to knock out Mike Tyson with a sneaky punch. That's a big number. That's a 16,000?

Yeah, that one was crazy. I'd be fine if you ratioed my PMT posts because that means people are looking at me. Well, yeah, that's what you did to me. That's what I did for you, son of a boy dad. I picked it specifically for that. Yeah. Someone with 21 followers. Someday you'll learn the internet, all right?

The old man still got it. I think you're trying to gaslight me into not ratioing. This is like taking your kid and playing some one-on-one and one day your kid's going to beat you, but not today. No, no, no. Nope. Not today, son. This would be an easy ratio. What? This one's only got 248 likes.

You found somebody with zero followers? They have one follower. And they tweeted, waffle fries are supreme. This ratio is supreme. Let me do it from... Will this be the greatest ratio ever? This might be the highest ratio.

Oh, look, Brandon's here. Is there zero likes on it? Ladies and gentlemen, Brandon fucking Walker of the Brandon Walker football show with Brandon fucking Walker. What's up, boys? What's up, brother?

What's the funny topic today? Those are true religion jeans. Oh, no, they're buckles. No, those are true religions. They're buckle. They are made in the same factory then uh 48 bucks at buckle there's no way that anyone else says stitching where you're treated from the uh you're always in buckle i think these this is common stitching no no no that's a try stitch an exterior stitching like that you see how nothing common about it look at nick's stitching how it's folded onto the inside. Well, those aren't jeans. Those are work pants.

Then look at Big Cat's stitching. Those aren't jeans either. Yes, they are. That's a nice, mugsy jean. That's a nice, mugsy jean. That is a jean. That mugsy commercial was good. It was good.

That was a well-shot commercial. I don't know if you know it, but it looked like you were fucking Billy. Did you ratio this motherfucker yet, Kyle? I did. I'm waiting for the ratio. You stepped in midstream. Should we try and ratio the Chadwick Boseman news with 7.4 million likes? Oh, no.

Wait, what's Chadwick Boseman? The announcement of his death had 7 million. What's the news? That is the news. Let's try and ratio something really big. Yeah. Realistic, though. We killed Bin Laden.

Ratio it. What's a funny ratio? What was the Hillary Clinton one? Oh, this woman's going to be president in 12 hours? Yeah. It was a picture of her as a child. It was like, this girl's going to be president soon. And Lena Dunham, like, quote, tweeted.

It was like, yes. Should we ratio this TMZ article? I gave my dog back. You see that picture of her this morning? Lena Dunham? Mm-hmm. Uh-oh. Big.

Whoa. We don't shame. That's dope. That's dope that she got big. You know what? That's dope. She's living her truth. Let's pull her up.

I want to see. Pull up. Don't say a she got big. You know what? That's dope. She's living her truth. Let's pull her up. I want to see. Pull up. Don't say a word about it. How big though? Let it walk again. Do you think this is how freezing cold takes got to start? What? Just wanting to ratio everybody.

What is this? What am I smelling right now? Toast, I think. Uh-oh. Ew. Oh, you're eating a mint or something? No. Uh-oh. You have something in your mouth?

What is it? It smells like adrenal glands or something. I thought it was like... Yeah, it smells like a dog's anus. It's not like when you open up a can of Coke and the... Cocaine? It smells like Coke. The stuff comes into your nose.

I don't even know what the smell of Coke smells like. You have a sick mind. Ratio of this sick mind. I walked past a dude on the street today and I smelled his nutsack. Just like fucking walking past. Sometimes that happens. I was above his shoulder. I was above his shoulder.

That's disgusting. And I smelled his nutsack. I have a smelly nutsack. That's my unmistakable nutsack. And that's his. What's that, son? I have a super smelly nutsack. No, if there's any cure to it out there and people are listening, I'd love to know.

Soap. No, it's not that. Soap is not the answer. That's H. Foley. I don't want to do this. Andy Mullenock is looking at me. I don't want to do this. Should we ratio it?

I think she's hot. I think that's hot. I just spoke with girls is a great show. I think she is hot. I think that's hot. I just spoke with girls is a great show. I think she is hot. Girls is a great show. It's a good show. Girls is a good show. Front to back is a great show.

You know what's a good show? Anna Kendrick's show, the Love Something. Yeah, that's a good one. No, don't show it. Pitch Perfect Love. Both hot. What was the name? I just saw two hot women.

I saw four hot women. Nick, why are you wearing boots today? Are you going to work? I saw it was a little fall, a little crisp outside. I've been itching. Wear your boots to work day. Today's Tyler O'Day's birthday. Is it?

Yeah. Let's ratio the Empire State. He sent you a text? No, that's too easy, though. Disgusting. Can't do that. He said, I can't believe National Coffee Day is on my birthday. Is he still in the Yak group?

Yeah, but he left Barstool, though. Once you jump off the pirate ship. Is that girl still in there? Yeah, we need to tighten up the Yak group. All right, let's do it. There are some things I want to say. Should we ratio Joe Biden? Yeah, I booted the girl.

You booted the girl? She's out. Then there's some friends that are in there, but they kind of should... All right. Well, let's make them fight for it. Let's do it Joker style

and crack a pool stick. All right, so I'm taking Dana out. Dana's gone? Gone. Wow. Tyler O'Day, gone. Wow. I think the only one who's making the cut here

is Donnie because he swam across no Colby's forever Colby's forever Donnie swam across the river for us and he doesn't really

say anything the time zone difference is tough on me and he's out in Pepto Bismarck right now you know what say no more he's gone

I just kicked him out I thought I thought the time zone would be an issue but he texts me at all times of the day. So I don't think he's been sleeping. He has not slept a wink. I just took them all out. It's just basically us now.

And Colby. Should I take Colby out? No, no, no. Am I drunk with power? Oh, my God. Look at all those people taking out. He'll have to fucking... The security guard will be very necessary if we take out Colby.

Oh, no. A little sass is out. No. Bring me back. All right, fine. I'll bring you back. Let's get the rocket back in, too, then. He was in?

Oh, well. He's an OG. At one point. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He was on the show. Colby is so nervous right now. He doesn't even know. I wonder how Colby's doing.

Probably great. Where's he working at? NASA or some shit? His life is probably awesome. Yeah. I had a guy come up to me on Sunday. He's like, I just quit my job because the work culture was terrible. I want a job at Barstool.

And I was like, what? What? Damn, that's like that Logan Paul. Yeah. It's like you skip the step where you can ask that without quitting your job. Well, it's not even the quitting the job part. It's the work culture. He quit because of work culture, and he wants to work at barstools.

Yeah, that's his good, yeah. It was a toxic work culture he was in. When me and Rome were in Penn State, there was a lot of people coming up asking for jobs. It's just so weird. It makes more sense for you it's also very it's it's also become very like clear how to get a job here yeah it's pretty much be a viceroy and then intern and then you get a job yeah or just like make uh the thing none of us did get a following no well no sass yeah yeah he, he was a viceroy. Yeah, but... Sasson's like, I barely have my job.

How am I going to give you a job? Yeah. I just don't understand why people would think I have any pull whatsoever. Oh, bro, you got some pull. You got some pull. Have some confidence here. Try firing someone upstairs, and I bet it'll work. Yeah, that's true.

Just pick somebody. I love them all too much. Name one. Tip of the Name one Name two people upstairs Enrique When he's not at his desk When he's not at the front desk He's upstairs Yes he is

Name that guy Name this guy who's walking by right now And you won't get fired That's Adam No we're looking He doesn't look Name that guy. Name this guy who's walking by right now. Name this guy. And you won't get fired. He will. That's Adam. No, weird looking. He doesn't look. That guy just walked right by.

Sass can't even see that. Oh, I thought you were talking about the guy coming downstairs. There was a guy literally walking by. I thought you were talking about the guy walking down from upstairs. If you don't have a K in your Twitter following, Sass literally cannot see you. Here, Big Cat, name this guy. Why is that Grubhub bag floating in right now? That guy?

That's Brian. Upstairs is fucking haunted, bro. That guy's name is Brian. I used to sit upstairs all the time before they all came back. Oh, Greer. Yeah.

My good friend Greer sits upstairs. And my friend Stephen Schiff. Yeah, you are the new Caleb. You mad, bro? No. All right. Caleb got his TikTok back, finally.

He got to take it away? I think so, at some point. What happened? What a rollercoaster of a couple sentences that was for me. Yeah. You're learning. You're learning a lot. That was crazy.

He's back in the game. So watch out for that. Did we ever get the TikTok of the guy who lives underneath the Denver airport that pretends that he's outside? I Googled every keyword. Couldn't find it? There's conspiracies. No, dude. There's multiple.

I watched. There's conspiracies. There's a bunker under the Denver airport. Yeah, that's what I saw. They built a whole city under there pretty much. A city? Yeah, there's like I don't know. Let me see if I can find it. They have the, what's it called too?

They have the horse outside. The possessed horse. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Is that just a bronco? No. That would be a Bronco? No. That would be a Bronco. If a Bronco was possessed by the devil, maybe.

I mean, I feel like that could happen. If anything could get possessed by the devil, a Bronco could get possessed. Brandon, can you tell us what it was like before September 11th when you could just walk up to the gate of an airport and you just go right through security without having a ticket? I worked at a fucking airport before September 11th. I was working at an airport during September 11th. Oh, is that what you meant when you just go right through security without having a ticket? I worked at a fucking airport before September. I was working at an airport during September. Oh, is that what you meant when you said you worked in journalism? You worked at Hudson News?

No. Big cap. That was good, wasn't it? Have mercy. That was good. That was fucking good. Low key. I'm an editor-in-chief at Hudson News.

How are you doing? It was fantastic. Unloading the baggage? What were you doing? Oh, I started unloading the baggage. I actually started at the airport washing cars, moved up to unloading the baggage, and then I was on planes.

Washing cars? They had cars with two wings sticking out. What do you mean washing cars? What do you mean? Washing cars. What else is in an airport? Rental cars? They had cars with two wings sticking out. What do you mean washing cars? What do you mean? Washing cars. What else is in an airport? Renting cars? Correct.

Washing cars. Then I got the job at the airline, and then I was throwing the bags, and then I moved from there, and I was working the gate, the ramp, and I was telling people. Wait, did you have the orange thing? I was checking people. Yes, I used to do that. You did that? And then you flew for a little bit, right?

That's a dream job. Yeah, it was fantastic. That and painting the red and yellow on McDonald's straws. Yeah. That was Kyle's first job. It was a calligraphy. They fired you because you're too shaky. It's ancient Japanese art.

Damn. That was a lot of different jobs. Did they move you around a lot or were you there a long time? Is that the natural progression? You start as the car washer. Well, no. I got in at the airport and then, you know, the airport was a little mechanism and you just start, you know.

What airport? You start knowing people. Hattiesburg? No, the Golden Triangle Regional Airport in beautiful Columbus, Mississippi. How far was that? How far is it? How much action is that getting? It's got one gate, four flights a day.

Oh, I love it. Four flights a day? Four flights a day. We went to that one in West Virginia that was like that. How many cars did you wash a day? Oh, there was hundreds of rental cars. What? Right, but you had to wash them every day?

Yeah, there's a university right there. Yeah, yeah. There's 10, 15 cars. How many bags were you tossing a day? Four flights worth. You washed more cars than people that flew? Yeah. Yeah, because there's a university there.

There's a lot of cars going in and out. Got it. Yeah. So what happened after 9-11? Nick said it correctly. It was a Hertz with a runway. It's actually a national, but sure. There it is.

That's the Golden Triangle Regional Airport right there. Oh, my God. That's a lot of cars. I'm sad. Holy shit. That's the parking lot. That's a little seat. That's the runway. Is there ever a traffic jam? shit. That's a little seat. That's the runway.

Is there ever a traffic jam? No, it's pretty easy to get in and out. But there's only one lane. Oh, my God. You can get there the minute your plane is leaving. Yeah, you can't. You could back then. Just walk in as they're boarding your flight.

There's only one gate in the back. They still exist? Yeah. I flew in there last year. That shit's goofy. It's the best airport to go in because you don't have to walk in it. It's right there. It's fantastic.

There it is. It's bigger. Look how sprawling that is. I've seen bigger farms. See, that's the rental car parking lot up there. And I used to drive the rental car down to this white barn down here, and I would wash them, and I'd drive them back. Zach, could you flight simulate a 747 off that thing?

No, I don't think so. The runway looks a bit too small. It is. You're pushing with a 7-6 right there. In an emergency situation, could you land there? Not too. Still too short. Way too short.

He's saying it's way too short to land there. Who knows more about flight sim? Come on, man. Give it just due. Come on, man. Have it to the guys, dude. Have we done either ad, by the way? Yeah. We didn't do any.

Brandon? A haircut shouldn't feel that relaxing, but it does at Sport Clip Haircuts. 0 for 1. Yeah, he's right. He's actually right. that's because stylists just don't wash your hair they use a seven pressure point massaging shampoo technique that is so relaxing you melt in your seat they have stylists capitalize like jesus and the hot steam towel

oh yeah it's infused with tea tree oil and perfectly steamed leaving you feeling like you just left a swedish sauna to it off, you get a pinpoint cut. Stop by Sport Clips today and ask for the MVP haircut experience. It's ridiculously relaxing. Sport Clips, the pros in men's hair. One for three. Two for three. What was it? Two for three? You counted

the second one? Did I say sports the first time? You said clip. Fuck. He said sports. Sorry. He said clips. Rowan, have you ever worked for the man? I can't see you doing such. What was your job history growing up? Retail? Lawn mowing.

Oh, yeah. So it was always under the table jobs. Edging. Worked at a couple pizza places. No paper trail. Gang of pizza places. Always places where you could smoke reefer. Never somewhere where they're going to drug test you.

I've never been drug tested in my entire life. I don't even know what it would be like. I don't even know if I could piss in front of somebody like that, a wizinator. What do they do? How do they do it, Sass? They just squeeze your balls until pee comes out? No, you just go in the bathroom. I've never been drug tested.

Didn't take the cup because I didn't pee enough. That's all I could do. They wouldn't accept it? Yeah, I'd come back. Really? But then it can't be too diluted or else they won't accept it? Yeah, I had to come back. Really? But then it can't be too diluted or else they won't take that.

Was that at Ohio State? Yeah. Really? Uh-huh. I got hit with an abrupt hair test. Oh, shit. I was freaking out

because everything online says a year, a year. So I shaved my head. First time, or the last time shaving my head. And then they just took it from my armpit. Did you pass? And I passed.

And I went on all the forums. I was like, fuck you guys. I didn't get any sleep the last three days. Yeah, you were bullying on the forums that day. Yeah, they say it takes a long time for hair. You ever see Q-Carbo 32? Is that the shady-ass box you buy from smoke shops that gets it out out of your system yeah i think i got it at a gnc yeah they used to have there was something called strip they used to have a gnc it's like a detox thing yeah it was like really thick and it was

just like mud and i uh i funneled it went and pissed it was like forest green what do you mean you funneled it you drank it yeah i thought you're talking about shampoo it was shampoo textured though pretty much. Yeah. It's like a detox drink. Yuck. And did they know? So they said, like, fill it up to this line.

I filled it up, like, halfway, and the piss was forest green. But it worked. Jesus Christ. I feel like they would give you, like, the looted sample for that or something like that. They didn't give a fuck. What was this for? A job. No.

Like a real job or, or like a high school job? Why were you taking piss tests for office jobs? Why? I don't know. I had to do it three summers in a row. Damn, bro. What would you have been doing if you didn't work at Barstool? Underwriting.

We saved your ass. We did. Thank you, Big Cat. Thank you, Big Cat. Thank you, Big Cat. Well, we all kind of had a role in it. We were all in the yak when he got you hired. I wasn't there that day. I would have gone hard veto.

What did Glennie say that he was going to be doing? All his friends are like they all have the same job. The ball's 12. All the work is the same thing. No, he did say something. What do they work as? Coach youth teams. Coat check. They all work at coat check or some shit like that. They all work at the same thing i think that how he did say something what do they work coach youth teams coat check they all work at coat check or something like that they all work at coat check together they're all in the same closet just fucking busting ass in the coat check closet

dodged a bullet you dodged a bullet we all dodged bullets by getting in here you'd still be at the airport fucking would be i i had not worked at the airport for 20 years when I got here. You'd still be an intern at the airport. I was there two years. I was doing fine before I got here. So what happened on 9-11, Brandon?

Yeah, were you working at the airport on 9-11? I was. I was. You were? I was. Why have you never?

That's a pretty significant story. Okay, but that I wasn't like okay, so I was also going to school. So I was going to class. I woke up at like 10 o'clock in the morning and saw that it was happening.

And then they said, everybody come to work. We went to work and they said, all right. They sat us around. They brought an Air Force guy in who's also above the airport and says, we're at war. We don't know who with. So just make sure you're ready and alert to come into work every day. Make sure you're ready to racially profile.

We need all these cars cleaned now. We don't know what's going on. Clean all the cars. Kirk Minahan's podcast, I listened to it. He had a... I guess he read... I listened to it. He read

Vindog's blog out loud it was very funny did you guys see vindog's 9-11 blog no it was funny well they were debating and i can't figure out either it he basically just told a story if you want to pull it up he pulled he told a story that was like it had nothing to do with 9-11 like It did, but it didn't. You know what I mean? It was just like I remember the second plane hit, and I was sitting with a guy, and we're like, we're at war. And that was it. It wasn't like... That's really funny.

Fuck yes. Some guy... You're waiting for someone to have... He knows who have been on the plane or something. I'll never forget where I was on 9-11. He was just at a plumbing job. It would be awesome if it was just one word, Arby's. Yeah.

Yeah, he was just at a plumbing job. Either way, listen to Kirk's podcast. I don't want to redo it. It was very funny. Where were you boys? We were in school like everyone. Who's the guy from the league? Steve Reznos.

He's coming on Son of a Boy Dead. Oh. You guys are... Please. Murderer's row of guests. Him and OJ. Yeah. Who you guys got coming up?

OJ. Reznosi and OJ. I remember we actually had a... We legitimately were offered an advertising thing with OJ. We're like, I don't think so. What? What kind of advertising thing? It was like five years ago.

It was like, he's getting out of jail. Cutlery? You guys want... Yeah, cut code knives? We want you guys to do the first interview on PMT. And we're like, I don't think so. Yeah, that's probably a better idea. Why?

I mean, I think you should have done it. So that we could have the first interview. Yeah, you don't want to hog up all the... I was looking for him on Twitter. Did he... Yeah, he's still there. He has like a weird username. Like it's not...

Oh, he does? There's like numbers in his username. And they don't verify him. Say you ran into him in public. How would you interact with him? I would say this is Saz. I would try to make him like me. I would say that.

I would too. I would be very nice to him. What's up, Juice? Yeah. What's up, Juice? Maybe give him a juke. Yeah. I'd like to try to... He's still got it. What's up, Juice? Yeah. What's up, Juice? Maybe give him a juke. Yeah.

I like touch his belly. He's still got it. He's still got it. Oh, you're still strong, Juice. Talk about the naked gun a little bit. Steven definitely takes like OJ's fantasy advice. Oh, yeah. Yeah. He's, you know, say what you will about OJ.

He knows what he's talking about. But he came up with a pretty good sleeper last week. Yeah. Get the all 22 of the- I love the intros of his videos. You'd take him on the box if he could still run. What if we told you in 2017 that the Bucks would have Antonio Brown, Richard Sherman, and OJ? You wouldn't believe it.

I mean, no Tom Brady doesn't work. Fuck. Would you take a touchdown ball from OJ if you were in the stands? Would you melt? Would I take it? Yes. Would I melt? No.

But you would take it? I would take it, yeah. I think I would definitely take that. That would be hilarious. This is OJ's ball. Somebody throws you a ball, you're just going to catch it. If he's wearing a Bucs jersey, you would melt because of that. If he hypothetically was wearing a Bucs jersey, he would melt because of that. If he hypothetically was wearing a Bucs jersey, yes.

I would be very excited. I believe it. If Hitler was on the Bucs. Yeah. They can't be. That's why this is realist. Let's say Hitler was the punt returner on the Bucs. That's not realistic, man.

Come on, man. And he brought a punt back? Yeah. And I was right there, and he gave me a punt. Yep. Yep. Be sick. What t-shirt would you put out?

You mad, bro? With Hitler's face on it. You mad, Poland? Yeah. Oh, man. He fucked up, Poland. Hitler would have been a pretty nice scat back. Change of pace.

Yeah. Constantly invading the end zone. Nice. There we go. Okay, add that to your set. Tell them the Tuesday joke. The Tuesday joke and invading the end zone. And just work on the set up a little bit.

Work on the segue, yeah. Okay, hold on. And remember that. Don't work on the segue. The segue is the best part. Talk in a stand-up cadence cadence not like a cartoonish voice all right um so i saw these national holidays more of a cartoon voice voice that time all right use your own voice all right

so i saw these national holidays on Instagram. There was National Daughter Day. There's National Pancake Day, National Cookie Day. You know, I opened up Instagram the other day. My wife asked me, hey, today is Sunday. I told my wife, honey, it's Tuesday. Sunday was a couple days ago. You fucked it up that time.

Yeah, you did. My wife asked me, hey, it's Sunday. Yeah, that's your set? Well, the first one was actually funny. We all cracked up a good bit. And, ironically, Che's putting that up on YouTube. It's for the best. Add another layer.

Like, my son's name is too. Bring up other national days, like Donut. You did a good job. Did you say the Daughters Day thing in this one? I clocked out for a second. I did. I missed the delivery at the end with the annunciation. Why don't you try it one more time?

I think that you were right there. Dramatic pause before the punchline. Yeah. Okay. And then just end it on Tuesday. And do cartoon voice, please. Okay. Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, I really had to go with cartoon voice. Don't let them stifle you. Sorry. So I saw on Instagram this weekend that there's so many national days. There's National Cookie Day, National Daughter Day, there's National Donut Day. Why are you now

weirdly from... There's National Donut Day, there's National Cookie Day. How many more fucking days can there be so then my wife comes up to me

and she says yeah do his Andrew Dice Clay cartoon version alright I'll just go to my regular no no no Andrew Dice Clay

as a cartoon I don't know what Andrew Dice Clay sounds like you had it you were right there like a New Jersey like Italian dude

yeah but just be smoking a cigarette and you're wearing gloves and you're wearing gloves fingerless gloves and you gotta call your wife abroad okay i changed it a little bit oh yeah and end it with like i fucked her in the ass started with i fucked her and i want to really hear the gloves. Yeah, so I was fucking my wife in the ass. And she brings up. And she was like, she's scrolling Instagram while I'm fucking her in the ass. And then you take a drag of the cigarette.

And then you got to, I want to hear the gloves. Yeah. All right, go. There's a lot. Start with the fucking in the ass. Fucking in the ass. All right, so the other night I'm fucking my wife in the ass, right? And she's scrolling Instagram while she's doing it

Because that's how she spends her time And you know she says it's National Sunday Now There's so many national days You got National Donut Day, National Cookie Day National Pancake Day Last week was National Daughter Day I go honey it's Tuesday

Sunday was a couple days ago That was the best one. That was incredible. That was fucking good. My other thing is I think I would have ended on it's Tuesday. That's so critique. That was... I actually think that's pretty fair criticism.

Do you want to run it back? No, no, no. Please, God. Don't do that. Let's get some Lomo Saltado today, Brandon. Have you eaten lunch yet? Oh, yeah, I already ate.

Is that why you had to abyss the first 30 minutes of the show? No, I had to get ready for the college football show. Get ready? You guys just argue the whole time. What do you mean? You just go against whatever the other person says. I understand the confusion.

There's actually a second college football show. I'd love to. Oh, you're the one? That I had to plan for. What do you mean? Well, we do the college football show. Right. But then I do the college football show.

Unnecessary roughness? No, no, no. That's a third show. I do the Brandon Walker college football show in this room later. Is that what you're getting ready for? Yes. How are they different? Well, that one is only me and the college football show is me, Dan, Dave, and the

blonde girl. And what about Unnecessary Roughness? Blonde girl, Jack, and Katie and me. So do you just take everything that they say and then you just put it into your own show? Yes. Are you the only person that knows about college football? Yes. Me and Ron are thinking about starting a Penn State college football podcast.

Us and Vibs. Yeah. And we're not too happy that you're soaking up all our programming. Can I get a segment on that? Yeah, no doubt. Cool, cool, cool. Something about jokes or some shit like that. We'll write a lot of jokes and then we'll see where it goes from there.

How's this? I need 20 jokes about college football on my desk in now. Now. How about right now? What are you talking about? I said I was a whole staff

to do that. You want me to do it in three days? All right, I'll try. And we're not going to use them. But we want them to be incredible

like earth shattering. No, no, no. We will use them for a couple weeks then we'll go back and delete them. A couple. One double what it's worth. And then we'll go back and delete them. A couple. One double.

And then we'll literally wipe them from the internet completely. But we want it to be good. We're going to have to see your laptop too because we don't even want you to have them. Yeah, I had to get a new laptop. Fuck it, I'll be petty today. Okay.

Dog's going to find this fucking dude. Dog is. I just saw an update. I'm not that up to date on that. What's going on? Are you the biggest bounty hunter super fan? I think so. I think so.

I think so. I used to have a signed dog picture. What happened to it? I don't know. It was in college. I had it over my bed. So he was always watching. Oh, you had this back in the day?

Yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah, I love dogs. He always is watching anyway. Yeah, that was his heyday. When like 05, 06, that was when he was a dog. Come home from class, throw on dog for a couple hours. We're due for a dog renaissance. They sit in front of the whiteboard.

They're like, all right, Leland, you go in the back with your zip ties. Leland was my favorite. He always wore a bulletproof vest. And little Lisa, no, baby Lisa. His daughter, yeah. Beth. R.I.P.

R.I.P. And they were very into like Native American. They would be wearing like a bulletproof vest and then like a Native American armband. Yes, yes.

And he always would just like, he'd catch him and then he'd sit him in the minivan and give him a cigarette and be like, listen, if you go with Christ and then be like sit him in the minivan And give him a cigarette and be like listen If you go with Christ

And then be like you know Another guy rehabilitated by the dog This guy was on the wrong track Guy would be like in the background smoking the crack pipe He's really really poor It was secretly Christian programming for sure It was secretly like how He'd smash the

The pipe with his boots. See this? You're done with this. And that's drug rehab. That's what they do. Yeah. I think Billy would be good at rehabilitating drug addicts with his shock collar method. Dog the Bounty Hunter is responsible for 100% of booths in Hawaii.

He just broke all their pipes. Yep. All right. I think he's going to catch them though i think the fbi has to disband they will they can't catch him and dog does has he ever ran for any form of office i think so i think he killed a guy a while ago and he said he said a no now he is uh yeah he has said some no no that he voted for Trump? He didn't get the vaccine. Fucking bullshit. By the way, that Colbert skit, did you guys see it?

Oh, the vaccine. I actually want to be unvaccinated. That was so bad. That was crazy. He said you wanted to suck it out of your veins. Yes, I agree with you. That was so bad. Because it's like, who is that for?

The vaccine. No idea. It's not for people who have been vaccinated, and it's definitely not for people who aren't getting vaccinated. There's two types of people, and it's not. They don't even do comedy anymore, I feel like. They just do that. Musical numbers. Yeah.

Handling. Really bad. I got a flu shot last week. I'm trying to be the most vaccinated man of 2021. Wow. Are the real anti-vaxxers pissed about this? No, they probably are like,

I told you guys. We're calling just coronavirus anti-vaxxers anti-vaxxers, but there's the people who are like the autism crowd. Yeah, I think they're folded in. Those are like housewives in California. And I also, just sneaking suspicion, if you weren't getting your children vaccinated before coronavirus, I don't think you now are like, oh, coronavirus vaccine.

Yeah. I think it was all based on what Facebook group you were in, though. It's like if your Facebook group's doing it, you're doing it. Like, I don't really think that. Bro, I don't even get my dog vaccinated. That's how hardcore I am. That's good. That's good.

I saw a dog with a huge dick yesterday. A big what? Not even big balls. It was a pit bull with a fucking dick that almost dragged on the ground. I'd never seen a big dog dick like that. I wouldn't want that. I would not want that dog. No.

Uncomfortable to look at. Oh, yeah. What? Because he wasn't even hard. You've had a couple days of dick nut interactions. I'm just, I'm looking around. I was walking through Chinatown yesterday, but I'm just perce perceiving a bunch owens buddy wants in on the nut off yeah we have a third nut yeah yeah not even i mean sure my buddy somebody i went to school with

like a dozen years ago dms me he was like i would win that by the way say their full name yeah shout him out who said dad you walked in on masturbating oh yeah i got in a lot of trouble for that did Did you? Yeah, he doesn't talk to me anymore. The dad? Yeah, I bet. No, because you said it? Yeah.

Say it again. No. It'll cancel out. Brother, we all do it. Tell him there's no shame. That is brutal. I think you've got to get a whole new friend group if your friend's walking on your dad jerking off. Yeah, or if you talk about it on the 29th.

Like a year later. No, your boy and Owen's boy can do a number one contender to go against Ruiz. You don't understand the size of my boy's nut. We are, yeah. I feel like you guys. I'm very excited. You can't give your guys a buy.

If anything, Ruiz is a buy. No, you guys can fucking sort it out among yourselves. My boy and Ruiz should contend for Pat. Why? Because he stopped crowning him. He was the original nut guy. It's a nut off, not a nut off. All right, we'll do a pigtail. Ruiz should contend for Pat. Why? Because he's got one big nut. He was the original nut guy. It's a nut off, not a nut solve. All right, we'll do a pigtail.

Ruiz versus your boy. A play-in game. Why don't we do it? No, let's do a round robin. Nut versus nut versus nut? If anyone gets a bye, it should be Ruiz. Why? Why do we have to go head to head?

We can tell which one's the biggest. Could be a triple threat. And I mean a metaphor. Never mind. How are we going to be doing like the measuring of the nut you got to go head to head you put the penis heads together and i was thinking it's like standing back to back for height dip them in the tell us see which one holds the most who can make the biggest cast who can cast their nut yeah a nut cast we cast. We should do it on game time. Yeah. Stool game time?

A little crossover. I bet Emrag's got a fucking set. Oh, for sure. Uh-huh. He's got a bandana around his nuts. Yeah. Chokes them off, makes them bigger. He probably has some ancient technique to fucking expand his nuts.

Should we get out of here? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Live show tickets at 5 o'clock. Oh, cool. At least Nick, Kyle, Ronan, Sass, maybe

Brandon and Big Cat. Not Brandon. That's fuck night. That's fuck night. Fuck night. It's a yak Yeah, it's time to talk shop We're doing Yankees, love is a yak Thank you.