The Yak - Sas Pulled Off A Road Trip Miracle This Weekend | The Yak 5-16-23

Episode Date: May 16, 2023

WouldYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. All right. Oh, I got it. Is that Steve Carlton or Tug McGraw? Okay. Yeah. If you like Tug McGraw. I think that's Pat McGraw. If you If you like Tug McGraw. I think that's Pat McGraw.

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Where's Big Cat? He coming? He'll be here in five minutes. Okay. So the only time you're not on your phone is when you're off the show. Oh, I was on Pick Central, so I don't get any group text on Pick Central. Matt McCusker is also in the office. I wanted to say hi to him person to person.

I have to be on this show, so I'd like him to come in maybe for a second. That'd be nice. He does Matt and Shane's podcast. Do you just want to do a one-on-one with him? Yeah. I actually would. You'd like us to step out? I would if you guys would all shut the fuck up.

Careful. Kyle, you look muscular as hell today. Shockingly muscular. I'm training, so I'm not training. I got a text from two different people. Photos of you meditating. What? I just did yoga nidra.

So MB caught you in Malicek. It is unreal how well this works. There's your guy. Who's this? Oh, yeah. Yo, yo, yo, yo. All right, so this is Matt. Pop in for a second, dude.

Have a seat. Hey, how's it going? What's up, brother? Outback. We got Outback. I don't need. Outback steak. Have some. Make a plate.

What's up, guys? What's up, brother? How are you feeling? How you doing? This is the Yak, dude. This is another show that we do. The famous case races have all happened in here. Oh.

Yeah. We were thinking about doing a five-gram headband mushroom race with you in here or something like that. I'll do it. It's not going to be a race. That's going to just be a fucking e-book and Twitter. What is this? Five grams of mushrooms and put a blindfold on. Oh, man.

Just really find yourself. I would go three. Five in here, you're going to get fucked up, man. Just really find yourself. I would go three. Five in here, you're going to get fucked up, dude. Haven't you done? I feel like you're the first person I've heard that did that. I know other people who've done it, but, yeah, I did the blindfold, and it was like, yeah, dude, you have to, like, come back into the world.

Like, remember what, like, money was? It was, you know, having five people doing that would turn completely... How do you wear the blindfold? What does that do? Halfway through, I just was like, why am I... The idea is to kind of just, like, not be looking around at stuff. You just kind of close your eyes and just completely go within.

How long do you keep the blindfold on for? I kept it on for, like, two hours. Then I just got... Damn. I was... You start tripping so hard that you're like, why do I need rules about a blindfold? But it had, like, speakers blindfold but it had like it had speakers

built into it so it had like I was just doing with my Manta sleep mask you ever do like yoga nidra what is that it's like breath work

it's like non-sleep deep rest I've tried that I kind of do that for naps if I drink too much coffee it works so well to just if you want

to fall asleep or feel like you're on the precipice of falling asleep which isn't good now but I feel very calm. When you do a lot of like deep breathing instead of napping? It's just like the deep inhale through the nose, then long exhale through tight lips.

Dude, it's, yeah, because you don't, pretty much wake up, you never like center yourself and like actually chill. You wake up and you're like, blah. Yeah, I know. Lemaire, come on in. Lemaire, come on in, brother. Yeah, absolutely. No, oh're like, blah. Yeah, I know. LaMare, come on in. LaMare, come on in, brother. Yeah, absolutely. No, oh, my God.

Stop. I have a seat. Sass, is this who you talked about? LaMare? Yeah, this is LaMare. Great things. He's been pillaging you guys' free stuff. Oh, yeah.

Take a steak and lobster, too. You can, bro. Seriously, take one. We're sponsoring Outback, so that would be appropriate. They just drop you a steak and lobster every week? No, every day. Every day?

Every day. You guys are going to get gout. How do you have it? It is bad, but not if it's just the lobster. The lobster will get us right. Too much steak. Can you get gout from lobster?

I think it's more shellfish, yeah. Oh, really? Yeah. Brandon, have you had any gout or gout scares? Gout's cropped up every now and then. I feel like you've defeated it at this point. What with all the other issues, I haven't noticed the gout. You have metabolic issues?

Huh? You have, like, type 2 diabetes and stuff? Oh, yeah. I got one of the types of diabetes. You got one of the types? Yeah. Type 2, probably. Two.

I wanted LaMare and Brandon to meet. I did. I shook his hand. They talked wrestling. Yeah. Well, you were wearing a Stone Cold Steve Austin shirt earlier. It's under this one. I still got it.

Remember that top, brother? There it is. Hell, yeah. We're about to head off and do Mr. Matt and Shane. That's these guys, Pod. Yeah. What else is going on, bro? You look strong. Thank you, man. Matt and Shane. That's these guys, Pod. Yeah. What else is going on, bro? You look strong.

Thank you, man. I mean, I've been working out, dude. Nothing, man. I'm just trying to, you know, be a dad. Yeah? How's it going? Good. I love it, honestly.

It's my favorite thing ever. How many you got? Two. Yeah, it's my favorite thing ever. This other dude, Big Cat, just popped out his third. He was telling me, dude. Yeah, he's- The other day.

That's crazy. He rules. Once you have one, then two. Two's a lot. If you have the third one, it's like whatever. He's sitting on four. You're trying to get five. Once you get past two, it's all the same. I'm terrified for two. I'm pregnant with my second

and I'm freaking out. It sucks because their nap schedules don't link up. But it's like what I think kids do is like so if you don't have kids, you're just like staring ahead at like you're like I'm going to die one day. My life's pointless.

Blah, blah, blah, blah. And you freak out. Then you have kids. You don't have kids. You're just facing like the edge of an abyss. When you have kids, you just turn around and you don't look at the abyss and you just stare at these little kids.

Then you just go and you fall off one day. Kind of lose that fear guys your own mortality kind of yeah dude i just got caught up you're you're uh your calves are huge bro thank you man you got big yeah what do you do i don't know he took one of our six going to town are you are you working calves or just genetically just linebacker legs dude running the hills of Garner Valley. You have no chance. I'm small for my family, too.

He's pretty jacked. Show off your ass. Stand up. Show off your ass. Let's get a little spin around. The squats are going to my ass and not my quads. Let me see what you're working with. He's been looking ridiculously jacked.

Oh, dude. Oh, man. See that ass? Turn around. Do a 360. You got a Brazilian butt lift, dude. Let me see. Oh, my goodness. Holy damn, bro. Oh, man. See that ass? Turn around. Do a 360. You got a Brazilian butt lift, dude. Let me see. Oh, my goodness.

Holy. Damn, bro. That thing's poking. That's crazy. It's an apple bottoms. Pretty nice, dude. Why are you asking him that? I just think it's funny that he's chowing down.

It's a pretty big ass, right? I love enjoying an ass with a mil. Dude, we won't keep you guys that far. Dude, I'm going to come back up. Let me come back up. Come back up, dude. I love both these guys. I was talking to them before.

The fact that Lemaire drives Matt around is ridiculous. He got pulled over. In his own car, Matt's car, he gets out and he's like, Lemaire, you drive. And he just sits in shotgun. Tuesday is my microdose day, he gets out and he's like, Lamer, you drive. And he just sits in his shotgun. Tuesday is my microdose day, so I let the mushrooms kick in, and then I'm like, Lamer, take the wheel. They hit me when we're on like 95 in New Jersey.

I'm like, nah. I wear his off. We're in the George Washington. I'm like, I'm ready to roll. That's fucking sick. Good for you. Good for you guys. You got a little thing figured out.

Yeah, man. I got my transportation figured out. That's about it. A little thing, dude. What the hell? figured out that's about it what the hell what's that supposed to mean huh what's that supposed to mean we got a little thing figured out yeah bro what do you mean yeah lamar's not lamar's been smoking cigarettes and eating junk food this whole time he's taking it out on you you're on edge bro you have a steak i'm gonna fast i'm gonna fast on mushrooms you have a little thing figured out we brought you together to talk about your cigarettes and junk food, dude. You smoking cigs, Lamar?

I mean— Rip the fucking cig, dude. I don't want to say anything, but— Got a pack on you right now? You've said it twice. You did want to say something. I have to—I am so judgmental about cigarettes. I'm trying not to be.

Every time someone smokes them, I'm always like, what are you doing? Why are you doing that? Yeah, you got a—Gardini's got a—he's a seasoned cig-a-cig guy. I'm in his ass. I feel like that just disappointed Kate. I love cigs so much. She's pregnant, dude. No, but if I could, I would.

I huff secondhand smoke on the street. Do you really? I love it. Do you love cigs or do you hate not being... Not smoking cigs? I love... Like, if I found out I had, like, terminal cancer tomorrow, I would just start smoking again.

Just enjoy the shit out of it. Yeah, it can't really get worse. Yeah. Yeah. You could also just... Anyways.. Just enjoy the shit out of it. Yeah, it can't really get worse. Yeah. Yeah. You could also just. Anyways. I don't like the smell of cigarettes, but I like when someone smells like cigarettes. Is that weird?

Yeah, that's really weird. Did your mom and dad smoke? No. But I like when someone, like you could tell like they just have, they've just been in a cigarette. My dad smoked Marlboro Reds and the smell of it, I think I'm like, oh, we're on the way to the Phillies game. Yeah.

Memories. All right. Marlboro Reds and the smell of it I think I'm like oh we're on the way to the Phillies game memories alright you guys are the best dude I'll be back let me come back in a couple weeks yeah totally whenever you guys are up that's enough very good but I'll try you guys saw the other side of that when Shane the first one when you saw him like I think you guys podcasted the next day. Yeah, we did.

Yeah, when Shane was like, yeah, this sucks. And rough shaves me. Everyone hated all of us after that one. We all bounced back. You guys did a brave thing. You guys are pushing, going to new frontiers. Five guys blacked out, dude. Live on camera.

Nothing bad's going to happen. Four hours. Everybody see it. You guys, thank you guys, Four hours Thank you guys man Appreciate you man Come back soon What do I do with this Put that steak down Take it with you

Use your hand Why are you using The knife and fork Just use your hand brother I'm not a savage Take it with you Do you want one Matt You want a steak

Alright Thank you See ya Alright bro I'm good. All right. Thank you. Thank you guys for your free stuff. See you guys. All right, bro. He's taking the whole thing. He's going to take it. It's a great ad.

Get in the car with him. Great outback ad. Thank you guys for indulging that. Those guys are the best. Yeah, the Lemaire is so funny. I mean, the fact that, like, the idea on their podcast because i subscribed to their patreon they uh they told the story but yeah lamere got pulled over driving matt's car while matt was sitting shotgun yeah it's like a hilarious i smoked five in the morning yeah to the cop the cop was like are you high he's like i spoke to five in the morning

and sass lamere when you hung out with the bills he was the one who you said was like hilarious just saying is that yeah he was like uh he was the one that said i'm the king of the games like oh was he playing at dave and busters playing guitar hero or he asked one of the he asked the bills like what they search on youtube oh yeah he asked we were at that we had like the team dinner and he was sitting next to some dude on the bills i forget who who it was. And he just turned to him and he was like, aside for being black, what do you think me and you have in common? And then the guy

was like, I have no fucking idea. And then like 10 minutes later he turned and he was like, what was the last thing you searched on YouTube? That's a good icebreaker. That is a good icebreaker. Find out a lot about someone. What was the last thing you guys searched on YouTube? Shit. It's like icebreaker. It is an icebreaker. Find out a lot about someone. Yeah. What was the last thing you guys searched on YouTube?

Shit. You'll probably find out right now. Sega Genesis? I watched some weird shit on YouTube. I watched people play old video games. I didn't know Outback was back. Back. Today, I think.

Oh, that's kind of mean that they're doing that. Wrecking Ball compilation. Oh, Tuesdays? Okay. I was going to say I was missing out back, and then it came back. My last search is Pick Central. Ooh. What?

You wanted to see Max break that chair? Big fan. No, because I didn't know where everyone was, and I wanted to see if you guys were all on Pick Central, because no one was here. Could have just walked by the room. Or I could just search it on my phone. I was on my phone. Mine is the ending to the movie The Snowman, because they ran out of budget, and so they just by the room. Or I could just search it on my phone. I was on my phone. Mine is the ending to the movie The Snowman

because they ran out of budget and so they just stopped the movie. Oh, damn. The fuck? Yeah. So it just ends. Is it really noticeable? Apparently it's the worst movie ever. It's Michael Fassbender. It's about a murderer. It was based off a book and I guess they ran out of budget

and just ended the movie. Put it out. I still think the ending to budget, just ended the movie. Put it out. Out of hell. I still think that the ending to that, what was the movie, the one that you made the joke about, the 9-11 one? Oh, remember me. Yeah, it's like I think about that constantly. Yeah. Cry laughing.

Yeah. That's an all-time ending. What happens there? It ends with 9-11. It's just a normal movie, and then it just pans out. It could have just ended. I was like, nah, let's add a little zest. It's so insane.

Sprinkle in. It just pans, it just zooms out and they're just in the Twin Towers. And then it shows the teacher writing the date. And then it cuts back to Robert Pattinson. He is on the floor that he probably got hit with the front of the plane.

Really on the floor. Kissed Mohammed Atta? He made eye contact with him and he was like, what? That was a nuts ending. That and the ending to The Mist. When the tank just blows up everyone? No, The Mist is overtaken

and this guy's in the car with a gun and four bullets and he kills his kids. Yeah, he kills his family. And he steps out and he's like, come get me. And then the military's like, you're safe now. And saves him. That's how that movie ends? Yeah.

I don't think that's a bad ending. That's a bad ending. No. Made me feel bad. I'm trying to think of any bad really bad ending. It's a deeply impactful ending. I really think, can we watch the 9-11 one? Because that one is, I mean, probably not.

To show it's 9-11, there's a teacher just writing September 11th. His sister was so bullied in school. It shows to her all these girls cut her hair at a sleepover. So it cuts to her in class with her hair all janky. And they say it's 9-11. Yeah, wait. Watch this. Watch this.

It's so funny. Tuesday, September. And then there he is. His dad's office. Oh, man. It's so funny, September. And then there he is. His dad's office. Oh man, it's so funny, dude. This is nuts. What the fuck? This is crazy.

This has nothing to do with the rest of the movie. No, I was saying more movies should end like this. Wait, it has nothing to do with this ending? No. That's the ending. Oh my God. What? Roll credits. right at the top

but like the thing is the whole thing is he just made amends with his dad he's meeting his dad in his office his dad can't make it he's like just wait for me

oh no but everything was going good it could have ended they don't show the it shows like there it's the end of the movie no I think it shows like

all his friends looking at like from the rooftop like, what? Wasn't he there? Oh, God. It keeps going. There's his dad like, oh, fuck. It looks like he should have been a little more upset. I was just smiling.

Sick soul. Is that Hilary Duff? Nah. Is that Max? Yeah. six open is that Hilary Duff nah is that Max yeah oh damn that was literally dad's office oh man

exact window that was her 9-11 reaction what are you not that sad what are you drinking whoopsies you're a mate cool guy drink

I've been a mate head lately it's definitely like you're like oh is he drinking a beer is that the grass shit? The South Americans drink? What is it? Yeah, it might be.

I don't know. It's just the jitteriest energy you can get. I've been just exhausted. Who's secret weapon? Messi? The whole team. The national team in the World Cup shipped like hundreds of pounds of yerba mate. I've been doing like 22,000 steps a day.

It's like four hours of walking. Damn, why? Why? Holy shit. I saw like a men's health article of like a body transformation from it. And I'm trying to, because I tried to run

and my legs are too, too weak. And so I'm starting out with this. What'd you get, shin splints? It's a weird like band thing. My calves are stronger than my quads. Which is hard. Which is really hard to do. Genetically almost impossible.

Because standing up works it out. The keyboard game with the runner. QWOP. Yeah, QWOP. QWOP trying to run. And so this outer band, they're like, yeah, you can foam roll it and keep running. IT band? Yeah.

Got to keep that. So I'm just walking a ton, and I'm exhausted all the time. Damn. Walk to work today, walk back. Yeah. I used to be nasty with co-op. Oh. Okay, you're a little bit better than me.

It's a hard game. Hardest game ever. Hey, Roan, did you jet ski in the East River yesterday? On Saturday What was that like? That's insane, dude It was fucking sweet Was it?

Jet skis are powerful Yeah, but in the I see them in the river all the time And I'm always like What person would do that? Eva Mendez You Why does the river change the jet ski?

Well, I think it's kind of dirty, and also it's like a shitload of boats. There's a decent amount of boats. Yeah, big boats. Tankers. You have to kind of weave through the fucking tankers. You kind of feel invincible on a jet ski, too. It's one of the more invincible vehicles. I mean, my wife was hanging on the back because she didn't feel, like, dry.

I'd want to feel the power of just myself on that thing. Was it fun? Did you get wet? Not very wet, but, like, a little bit of splash. But you could wear a dry suit if you wanted to, but I felt like that would be a pussy move. So I was like, just let the rain fall down. Yeah. A big thing, or did you just wake up and decide, hey, let's go rent jet skis?

I see people doing it all the time. Same as Big Cat. And I was like, kind of looks sweet. Like, a jet ski is that always looks super fun from afar. It does. It might look a little bit more fun than it is, but it's still very fun. But it looks like a 10, and it's really like an 8. Why is it getting two points?

I think that's... It gets old quick. Really? It's just like trying not to fall off is annoying. Yeah. And I guess trying... Riding a horse. And having my wife be like,

hey, please don't flip us into the river. Yeah. That was like... If you were on a smooth glass lake, I feel like that'd be chill. Yeah. my wife would be like, hey, please don't flip us into the river. That was like... It was her fault. If you were on a smooth glass lake, I feel like that'd be chill. Yeah. It gets crazy. Choppy and it's gross.

And there's dolphins and whales too, they said. Are there? Yeah. Dolphins, like regularly, they said they see dolphins. Oh, yeah. I remember there was a whale right by the Statue of Liberty. Remember that? And they posted, like because whales shouldn't be

that far into the East River. And there was one reply that was like, it's so cold in that water, we gotta get in a blanket or something. Jesus Christ. Like some fucking ridiculous

cold-blooded bleeding heart like liberal in New York being like, that whale? We need to save the whale. I saw a whale in Iceland. There were multiple whales,

actually. Whoa. Did you see the full body or just... What were their names? Off the whale. I saw a whale in Iceland. There were multiple whales, actually. Whoa. Did you see the full body? What were their names? Off the coast. I'm so jealous. I've always wanted to see a whale. It was cool.

You know what I want to see is I want to see a shark. I want to see a great white shark. I went whale watching in Hawaii, and all I saw was a whale take the biggest dump ever. Oh, really? That was awesome. Dude, the captain was like, here's a whale on your left. And everyone starts looking left. And then all of a sudden, the ocean just turned brown.

I was like, oh, looks like the whale. I don't know. It was right below the surface. But the whole ocean just turned dark brown. They must take insane shit. Insane. I think one of their shits feels like a whole septic tank. Yeah.

Whales are huge. They are, aren't they? They're massive. You can get a lot of money for whale poop, and there are scientists who follow whales around. Trying to poop their poop? Catching their poop. Like, that's their job.

That goes into perfume. Isn't there a thing you get from whale shit that goes into perfume? Lipstick is whale. Yeah, it's like Chanel No. 5, I think, uses something from whale shit you get from whale shit that goes with perfume? Lipstick is whale. Yeah, it's like Chanel No. 5, I think, uses something from, I think, bullshit. Oil from whales. Or no, whale vomit is very expensive. Oh, yeah, maybe that's, there's something that they get from whales that goes for, like, a ton of money, so people, like, follow them around and collect.

It's whale puke. And then these whales start purging, trying to make some money. Yeah. Sticking a fin down their throat. Yep. Granted, the whales are sexier. 200 liters. No, really? Poop? Yeah. Yeah. Sticking a fin down their throat. Granted, the whales are sexier. 200 liters. No, really?

Yeah. How big is that? Big. What's like a 200 liter tank? It's like a 102 liters of coke. Holy fuck. That's like 201 liters. 201 liters of Dr. Pepper. It's like 400 liters. Shout out Waco, Texas.

Shout out the cross. 7,000 per pound. Holy shit, whales pee 257 gallons per day. Probably nothing for them. That's a little drizzle. Do you think they drink intentionally? Or is it just a passive thing that happens? You know what I did this weekend?

I was driving back from West Virginia. Pissed while driving. Oh, that's right. I forgot you were there. How was it? Have you guys ever done that? Pissed while driving? All the time.

It took me a long time. It's so- I don't have the concentration. Dude, I was insane. Any drizzle? No, I put my balls and my dick into a- Yeah, it's like paper Coke. What the fuck was that sentence?

Why'd you put your balls into a paper Coke? Like, you know, like a, like a fountain drink. Why wouldn't you just use your shaft? Why your balls? You laid your balls inside of a cup? I wanted all of it in there so there was no drip. Do you piss out of your balls? No, but sometimes it's bouncing off the balls.

Why were you still dry? Why didn't you pull over? You laid your balls inside of a cup. It saved me like two hours. Like that waxy Pepsi cup? Was this at night? No. It was at nighttime.

You rested your balls. I was in a low car. Low car. Everyone could see. Did the piss reach your dick and balls? How much piss did you piss in the cup? A lot. Were your balls floating in your piss? Were you dipping your balls? How much piss did you piss in the cup? A lot. So were your balls floating in your piss?

Were you dipping your balls in your own piss? Oh, I slowed down and I... I don't understand the ball. Ew! Wait a minute. You kept going? No, I'm kidding. I didn't do that.

But no, it was a big cup. It was a big cup. Big gulp. But the angle of it, you have to kind of like, if you're sitting, you have to lay it flat. I put my...

You know how there's like the thing on the side where you rest your left foot? I pushed up against that and I would like stood with all my strength. Cruise control? Yeah. No.

Oh, you didn't do cruise control? So you were using your right foot. Down to like 30? I was going 80. What? Why didn't you do cruise control? I don't know how. How did you pull over?

I don't know how to do cruise control. It's my car. Why didn't you just like, it's still, yeah. What did Francis say sitting next to you? I don't know how. How did you pull over? I don't know how to do cruise control. It's my car. Why didn't you just like pull over? What did Francis say sitting next to you? Francis wasn't with me. Francis bailed on me. Wait, what? What?

Francis bailed on you? Oh, so bad. In West Virginia? No, we went to West Virginia. So I drove to West Virginia. And the only reason I drove was because Francis- You wanted to piss in the car. I wanted to piss in the car. I wanted to piss in the car.

Francis was like, hey, we should drive because I have to go to the airport. He's flying in from Most Dangerous Games. So I picked him up at the airport. And it took me—I left at 11.30. I got to him around 6. And it's only a four-hour drive. But for some reason, it stopped traffic the entire way there and back. And then we get to the venue and francis like by the way i should have told you this ahead of time i'm

actually not going back to new york because i'm going to maryland so you can just drop me off at this place and i dropped him off 10 minutes into the drive home and it was an eight hour drive home it was four hours there oh it. No, it was like seven hours there. Really? Of all the traffic. It was eight hours coming home? Eight hours. I left at 10.30, got back around seven.

What? Mother's Day weekend traffic is crazy. In the middle of the night? Or, you know, this is the middle of the day. On Sunday. Dude, this was like, that's why I peed in the cup, because every time I would stop, I would stop for like, I would like run and get gas. Like pull over, get gas, and instantly get back in my car and get on the road,

and it would be like, you just gained two hours on the trip. I just don't know, cruise control is very easy. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know how to do it. Have you ever used cruise control? Why not? I never used it. Never used it.

It was one of those things. It's literally built for peeing in bottles. That's all you do to do is press the set. It's so nice when you get an open highway, you can go cruise control. This was never an open highway, though. It was stopped the entire time. You'd go five minutes open highway and then stop. I still think you stopped and pissed.

I couldn't. You didn't piss? Because I have probably pissed while driving 50 plus times. I don't think I've ever not pissed on myself at least a little bit. Because you're not putting your balls in the paper. Right. I guess I got to start doing that. How much of your pants did you have down?

Just the fly. Just the fly? Sometimes I'll piss in a bottle when I don't even like. But a bottle is way different. When I'm close to being home just because it's fun. Yeah. bottle When I don't even like But a bottle is way different When I'm close to being home Just cause it's fun Yeah see I can't It took me a while to get the stream going

Yeah I have a shy bladder Do people see you? I don't think so If anything they would have just seen The cup around my Jock My crotch

Your jock I peed in my car But not driving Completely Yeah What? I've peed in my car So many times

You guys have While driving? No, not while driving We gotta remind everyone Kate doesn't have a penis What? No, I don't That's even harder

I know That's why you were like While driving Like, no The story here is no penis You just pissed all over yourself. Yeah, you pissed your pants in the car. But in like Dunkin' Donuts cups, things with wide brims.

What? You're desperate. And in the front seat, I squat. I have a little. That's crazy. But you could use like a boba straw. They have sheepies. Have you ever heard of a sheepie?

Like a bag? I would imagine a girl needs a trash bag. Yeah, yeah. Like a go-go needs a trash bag. Yeah, yeah. Like a go-girl? A trash bag? Yeah, it's like a sheep heap, but I don't have one. Girls pissing is like a fire hydrant exploding. And I'll tell you.

It's no stream, it's just spraying everywhere. Earmuffs to you guys. Oh, yeah, there you go. Sometimes it goes sideways. Oh. Rain in Vietnam. Yeah, you would need a funnel. Yeah.

I don't, I've never, I don't have a funnel. Wait, so you guys, have you guys not pissed while driving? It's fun. I've never been in a situation where that was even close. Oh, it saves so much time. I have, but it's not fun. I get the same thing he does where I will get everything situated. I'll get everything ready, and then my dick just won't piss.

Really? It happened to me when we were driving the Hamptons. Oh, yeah. I'm just begging it to piss. Just begging anything to come out. Because once it gets started, I'm good. But I just can't start it. You need the breathing.

No, I had to push. Like, I felt like I was giving birth. I had to, like, my face must have been so red because of how hard I was trying to pee. I could just pee at any time. Did anyone else's family keep, like, a bucket in the car growing up for road trips? No. That is insane. Like a shit and pest bucket? the car growing up for road trips? No. That is insane. Like a shit and piss bucket?

We have a plastic treasure chest. They'd be like, go to the back of the van. It's a treasure chest. That is insane. Yeah, we did. You did? Okay. A shit bucket?

A trash bag around it. Yeah, yeah. And then you dump it at the next thing? No, for throwing up. In case we got carsick. Oh, we'd pee in it. Sounds like pants was for piss. Oh, you would pee in it?

You just had a big-ass jug of piss? I was expecting almost everyone here to pee. You hit a speed bump? We went to the Poconos. It was a long drive. I think my dad got tired. It's an hour. I don't know.

The Poconos are an hour away. Queens is closer. That's nuts. Yeah. Oh. A bag for an hour drive? hour away. Queens is closer. That's nuts. Yeah. Oh. A bag for an hour drive? No, I've been I won't stop.

In the northeast where you guys have lived, there's not big stretches of highway without places to stop. I know, but there's normally crowded. They're normally super crowded. It's the act of stopping that slows you down. At this point, the drive was so long. I would rather stop and use an actual bathroom.

I'm with Brandon. I've never had that problem where it's like I cannot afford to stop. I had to be back. I had shows. You do it for love. I do it for love, but I also love when if you're doing, like I've done Chicago to Cleveland is about six hours, zero stops is the best feeling.

I think my dad was addicted to that. Just fill up your gas tank. Just don't pee. Yeah. No, you got to pee. Whenever I take the train back to Pittsburgh, that's like seven, eight hours. I don't pee. You're not hydrated.

No, I intentionally don't beforehand. That's crazy because when I'm on road trips, I drink a shit ton of water. Just so you can put your balls inside of a cup? You like the waxy feel of the interior of a Pepsi cup. I think I figured it out. You rest them like... No. You guys are shaming the idea.

These body armor bottles are the best. There's a reason I didn't get any dribble. These body armor bottles are literally built to fit. Yeah, but my thick cock can't fit in this. I can fit. I fucking believe you, dude. I believe you, too. I believe it you, dude. I believe you, too. I believe it's really thick.

I believe you, too. We never talked about this, but I believe it is. No, my thing would fit in here easily. We could fit both of our penises. Yeah, exactly.

And there would be room for a third. EP in a... I just take the ink Put it on the wheel. ...out of a big pen. EP the body armor. Shove your balls

in a body armor. We could all fit our dicks in that one body armor. And it's begging for it. No, Brandon couldn't fit his in a salad bowl. Dick too big, bro. I actually shouldn't shame you, K2, because I was cleaning out my car maybe a couple years ago and I found a bottle of piss.

I was just driving around with for. That's the only acceptable thing to litter. A bottle of piss. You can't litter anything else. But you got some piss in your car. Yeah. Yeah. Because imagine recycling that.

Just like dumping out your piss bottle and putting it in recycling. That's fucked up. Yeah, I guess so. I'd imagine recycling gets cleaned, right? I don't want to drink out of a piss. What the fuck, Kate? What? Yeah.

Over at MetLife. Camden? Oh, MetLife. Oh, MetLife. But I was in the nosebleeds at Kenny Chesney, the bathroom. You had to go all the way down, and I was like, everybody look away.

I just pulled my jean shorts, my jorts over, and I just pissed in a cup. You're a real piece of shit, aren't you? Yeah. Oh, yeah, she's trash. That's crazy. People didn't look away. It was Kenny Chesney. I peed on a bus

that didn't have a bathroom on the way to the Subway Series at the Met Stadium. This was a long time ago. Then I just had the cup. Then you just have a cup full of pee. When you watch Always Sunny and it's like Charlie Day's character, are you like, that's

biographical of your life? I feel like when you gotta go. Did you huff paint a lot? Yes, yes. You did? I did huff things. Like night crawlers? Yeah, I huffed. Yeah, we were a little into huffing. What is it when you huff poop?

Jankum. Jankum. Jankum, thank you. It's poop and piss, I think. Yes, yes. Digging the whippets was the thing. Oh, yeah, whippets are fun. It was a hot ticket item. Whippets, like, make me uncomfortable.

Like, I've never done them. Like, watching people do them. Yeah. It looks like they're doing, like, fucking heroin or something. You just, like, kill a billion brain cells for two seconds. It looks like you're, like're kind of sick for ten seconds. I don't know, but all those people are real estate agents now. It didn't hurt them that bad.

All the whippet people are real estate agents. They are. Real estate agents are having a fucking comeback right now. I mean, they're taking over social media. Anyone can. It seems like anyone can do that shit. Aren't the rates about to top out

or something like that? Are they? I don't know. I heard in the next couple months they're going to top out. I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.

I don't know shit. I literally don't know. I worked it and I still don't know shit. What is that? The kids I went to high school with are posting real estate clips. What's that watch?

It's an Apple Watch. Is it? It looks elevated. It is a little elevated. It looks like It's an Apple Watch. Is it? Yeah. It looks elevated. It is a little elevated. It looks like it has a frame around it or something. Yeah. You got a bevel on that? Yeah.

Ice that out. Nice. I should ice out an Apple Watch. Pretty cool, huh? Pretty cool. What the fuck? It looks tactical, like digs. It's also a Mexican bracelet that I got from Mexico

that's supposed to keep bad vibes away. Fuck that. And you gave me the gambling saint. San Cayetano. I haven't done shit gambling. Is it time to get rid of the San Cayetano pendant? No, it's such a sick pendant. Sick pendant.

It's a good ass pendant. My wife got me a meteor. See that? That's a meteor. A meteor? What? It's a meteor. A meteor? What? It's a meteor rock from like hundreds of thousands of years ago. That's cool. That's cool.

You need less money, dude. That is a rich person thing for sure. I mean, it's pretty cool. That is fire. God damn. Meteor. Yeah, I need a meteor. That sounds fucking dope. I be in a meteor or something

Shit Where did it land? You can still find pieces of it Really? In Africa yeah Fuck What's the difference between a meteor and an asteroid? It might be an asteroid

I don't know the difference I feel like meteors break up for the most part A meteor was more rock and asteroid was more... I thought an asteroid was more... Flame and cosmic. Asteroid was just size related. Do we have a lava magma situation?

I think so. Is there a difference? Magma is when it's still underground, but as soon as it hits air, it's lava. Oh. Oh. A meteor is a piece of asteroid. Huh. Every week there's a tweet that's like,

meteor that's triple the size of Earth predicted to hit Earth in 2027. Yeah. Everyone's like, fucking. There's always a quote tweet that's just like, fucking hit me now. Yeah. Speed it up. They'll tweet their address. Yeah. They're always measuring They'll tweet their address. Yeah.

They're always measuring it in football fields too. It's going to hit Robert Pattinson in his dad's office. Did you guys ever You'll be in meteorite. That's what it's called.

7,000 years ago. Did you guys ever buy into all that Mayan calendar world ending like 2012 type deal? Yeah, I did. I always had soccer practice.

Oh, but you did. I got a fortune cookie like the day before that was, that essentially alluded to the end of days. And? The day before what?

Still kicking. The Mayan calendar like world coming to an end. Remember the quote? That's a morbid fortune cookie. Could have done that on purpose. In your wallet? I'll have to find it.

I posted it on social media like a decade ago. What the fuck? I was definitely just like someone, whoever's doing the fortune cookies was just fucking with someone, being like someone's going to get this today. I believe in the turn of the millennium when they were like all the- Y2K? Yeah, Y2K.

I believed in that. They did a good job convincing us that it was going to happen. Like none of the computers they made know how to tell time. All the nukes are going to go fucking flying in the air. Did you believe in that? No, I didn't, but we really underestimated computers. We really thought they were really dumb. Nothing changed, but everyone's like, oh, fuck.

Yeah, we thought they didn't know how to carry the one. Right, we thought they were really stupid. How stupid is that? We were using them for everything. Like, they're going to think it literally was a- Can't carry the one. They're going to think it's zero years old again. Were flights grounded for, like, Y2K?

I don't think so. Like, hospitals in a panic? Yeah, I don't know. Some people's jobs were just prepping for Y2K. It was a big night for people turning off all the lights and pranking everyone. I was at a party that did that. Yeah. I think every- I think that at a party that did that. Yeah. I think every,

I think that literally was every place in America. Yeah. Just hit the fuse box. Oh, shit. Yeah, that's. And they really scared the fuck out of us then. I heard the neighborhood parents got hammered that night. We had free reign.

People were building bunkers, filling up their bathtubs. You guys were probably pissing everywhere. I had my bathtub filled. Hey, you say that about every event. My mom used to love filling up. The tables got hammered and we had free rain. Yeah.

It was Tuesday. That's not a special occasion. Yeah, the Kentucky Derby. Garbage day. Garbage day. So I got- Not garbage day. I got this fortune in Chinese Steak at Mio on December 21st, 2012, which was the day.

I don't even remember this day. I remember it. Never mind tomorrow. And then in all capitals, today is the day. Very ominous. And what you do, how do you react? I don't know, Jay. That seems fine.

Oh, absolutely. If you're getting that on the rapture day? Yeah, I think they're just trying to pump you up. Was a Rapture supposed to be in the morning? Or were they waiting until everybody has dinner before they do the Rapture? I thought it was night, and I was at soccer practice, and the sun was going down. And I was like, this is it. Better score this last goal.

Did you? Hell no. Not even the Rapture could make you good at soccer. No. I remember I have such a vivid memory of playing soccer as a child and going for, like, a header. And it just smacked me in the cheek. And I, like, went down. And I was, like, bleeding and shit.

From a soccer ball hitting your face? It was high up. And I was, like, six. Sharp-ass soccer ball. I know. What the fuck? How did you bleed from that? It smacked me in the face.

I don't think that would make you bleed. Soccer ball? No. Like, was your nose bleeding? I don't know what was bleeding, but there was blood. Your face shouldn't be bleeding from a soccer ball. My mouth, I think, was bleeding. I bet that wouldn't happen to Fowler and Balganon.

What was that? Did I get it right? Yeah. No. I knew what you were talking about, though. The soccer player we just got, the United States. Huge news. Father Non? Who?

Follering something. Balganon? Baligan. Baligan. How'd we get him? Yeah, what? We got him? He's born?

He decided to play for the U.S. instead of England. Really? Yeah. Good for him. Three citizenships. So he just chose the U.S. He did it like a fucking 17-year-old picking college? Yeah, he got all the hats.

Dropped a video, dropped a promo video on his thing. Hell yes. What countries did we beat? Your main contender was England, but he could have done Nigeria too. Brian Beach is about to do that with basketball. He might just start playing for France.

Doc Rivers got fired? It's huge for you at soccer, though. Wow. Yeah. Did you see what the special teams coach of the Cowboys said?

No. They were asking about, like, should they replace their kicker? And he said, we will look for, we will choose literally anybody else on Earth.

Yeah. Love it. Yeah. That's hilarious. It's like Mike Leach when he found his kicker during a halftime kicking competition. Yeah. That's hilarious. It's like Mike Leach when he found his kicker during a halftime kicking competition. Yeah.

Literally chased the kid going off the field. It's like, you're my kicker now. That's fucking awesome. What'd he end up doing? I think he didn't miss an extra point for, like, the next two years. Probably, like, ten kids on every major college campus that could be just as good as the kicker. Yeah, probably more than that. Like, everyone on the soccer team.

Yeah, true. I love that, too, whenever, like, a football coach, or no, usually a basketball coach will get pissed that his team's not tough enough, and it'll be, like, open tryouts and, like, bring in some of the football players. Yeah, just, like, six six new guys to hack people. Everyone's roster's open.

That's fucking funny. Has there ever been a kicker who's made an impact based on their non-kicking skills in football? George Blanda. Like, what do you mean, KP? Like, they got called into the game in some other capacity? Sebastian Janikowski. McAfee.

He smoked crack. McAfee. He smoked crack. McAfee made some tackles. Yeah. Threw a couple passes. George Blanda. That's it. There she goes. He's a quarterback as well.

Who's that? What? What? What are you saying? TJ, do you have the picture of KB meditating? KB, you just do it in Washington Square Park? I got two people sent me different angles of you doing this. Oh, here.

For the yak. Oh. Where is that? I make it in the corner. Oh, okay. Oh, over here. Is that your mask? Does it have a-

Allie Boothroyd, and I make it like halfway before falling asleep. What's Allie Boothroyd? Yeah. What is that? Is Boothroyd? Yeah. What is that? Is that a name? Your fucking arm. I know. Each of your body parts

are a microcosmic star. Every time you inhale, your body fills with luminous nectar. And I always fall asleep at that. She starts going off about luminous nectar. You haven't made it past

luminous nectar? No. The hell? Try it. Brandon needs it. Britt, you need it. Because I was like you. You haven't made it past luminous nectar? No. What the hell? Try it. Brandon needs it. Britt, you need it. Because I was like you. Why don't you get the mask and have him do it right now?

Why do you always use me as the example? Because I was like you for all my life. Just permanently thinking on edge, worried, excited even. I mean, Brandon, you get like stress rashes on your face weekly. I took care of that. I finally found the steroid cream. You were wrong. It wasn't that.

But you're still stressed even if the cream is not. I'm a busy guy. I'm not stressed. I feel good. I feel comfortable. Cream isn't unstressing you? The way you said that, you hear the stress in your voice. Yeah, he's got so much stress.

Now you're tweeting me about your crosswords and the cold showers. Wait, you tweeted Brandon again? Yeah. Trying to motivate you. What did you tweet at Brandon? My unbelievable scores. He said that the cold showers wouldn't help him do the crosswords. Yeah, they were saying that.

I never said that. I never said that one time. Everybody was saying that. TJ, will you pull up that tweet? But don't show the replies you gotta get your cold showers going i'll do a cold shower tomorrow tomorrow morning dear mets on thursday i'm bringing 54 eighth grade students to city field to watch you play baseball if i have to literally get on my knees and beg you to win that game, I'll do it. I need you to win for me, for them.

Please, please, love always, Lauren. Scroll. Oh, God, I already know where this is going. I have a feeling. Fleming. What an old man. They should let him teach a class. They should.

About, like, how no one deserves anything happy. Be a good teacher. Who the fuck just has 54 eighth graders? That's a shitload of eighth graders. That's too many. That's probably like three classes. That's probably like a grade. They will lose.

Why'd you get Jerry Colon? Oh, it's a school. It was a favor for a favor. He got me a table at... Can you say what happened last night? Because... They will lose. Why'd you get Jerry Colon? Oh, it's a school. It was a favor for a favor. Oh. He got me a table at a... Can you say what happened last night? Because... He's getting someone fired from Carbone. Getting someone fired.

He's going to get someone fired from Carbone. So Jerry got me a table at Carbone. I got him a fragrance as a thank you gift, just looking out. And he texted me during dinner. He said, get this Snickers cake. I was like, sounds great out. And he texted me during dinner. He said, get the Snickers cake. I was like, sounds great. And then he texted me again. He said, don't leave until you get the Snickers cake.

So I called over the garçon, the waiter, and I said, your finest Snickers cake, please. And he snickered at me. He said, we don't have a Snickers cake. What? Jerry, they're saying they don't have a Snickers cake. Jerry, they're saying they don't have a Snickers cake. He's like, well, it's the cake with the peanut butter sauce on it. And I was like, do you have something with a peanut butter sauce?

And he was like, no, we don't have anything like that. And I showed him the text from Jerry, and he was like, yeah, we literally don't have those ingredients. And so I got in today, and Jerry looked at me, and he's like, you didn't get the cake, did you? And I said, I explained the saga and he's like, I'm going to get someone fired right now. He called up Carbone. He called up his guy and the guy's like, I'm going to fire someone.

Wait, so they have it? They have this cake. I don't know. He's like, we're going to fire this guy. So the one guy, the one waiter just didn't know? I don't know. Maybe there was, he wasn't, I wasn't saying it by the right name or I wasn't listing the ingredients correctly.

You think Jerry might have set you up to get snickered at? I mean, no. Because I had just got in the, uh, the, I mean, this is a great cologne that I got him. That's why you get him the thank you present to kind of as a fail safe against this, but, uh But I got fucked.

So would you be okay if this guy got fired? He was so nice otherwise. You understand that he deserves it. I mean, yeah, he probably talked about you after you left. What, in a making fun of way? Yeah. This guy asked for a Snickers cake at Carbone? What is this, BK?

I thought I was going to have it my way. You think the waiters there are millionaires? They have to be. They wear tuxedos. They wear red tuxedos. Why would you wear a red tuxedo if you weren't a millionaire? Billionaire. There's a chance Jerry got a cake and was like,

ooh, this tastes like Snickers? He said he gets it every time, and Kate heard the conversation with his guy. He said, yeah, this is the Snickers. He said he gets it every time. And Kate heard the conversation with his guy. He said, yeah, this is the Snickers cake. We always get the Snickers cake. The guy knew immediately what Jerry was talking about. It sounded like he was very aware right away. Oh, yeah.

Can we go to Carbone's website and look at the menu? Yeah. He was at Carbone last week. Yes. Next to Justin Bieber. That's what I mean. Really? Yeah.

He told me. Damn. He was insistent that I get the Snickers cake. You were made to look a fool. Yeah, I don't know who's culpable, but I did feel silly. We wound up getting the cheesecake. It was fine. But it wasn't the Snickers cake.

Is that it? There's got to be another dessert menu. I'm interesting. Oh, no. It's like someone's getting wrongfully fired. Is he at the Hong Kong location? Maybe Jerry was in Hong Kong? No, we're not at the Mickey Mouse one.

It's not even a dessert. Did they give you a dessert menu? Brought out a different dessert menu. Does lunch have a different dessert menu? Maybe he was there for lunch. There's no dessert menu. I can't find a trace of anything Snickers related at Carbone. I think Jerry said.

Call? Let's call. Do you want to call? Yeah, call. What if Chet Hanks is working there? Remember, we got to say we're live on the air. Not if you're calling a New York spot. Oh, okay.

Just do it. That was in L.A.? It's a one. Yeah. No, I don't want to lose my Carbone. No, we're not going to. We're just going to say, hey, do you guys have. Spin the wheel to see who has to talk.

Spin the wheel to see who has to talk. Oh, easy. Hi. Oh, no. Spin the wheel to see who has to talk. We're calling to see what desserts they have. I have a question about the menu. Do you guys do a Snickers cake?

I have a picky toddler. All right, Sash, you'll talk. I don't like cheesecake. Is there anything chocolate and peanut butter? Sash, you'll talk. He doesn't like cheesecake. Is there anything chocolate and peanut butter? Sash, you got this? I have to be the one? Yeah. I'm terrible at this stuff. You just did it. I'm gonna get stage fright.

You got this. Ow. Can I talk about high noons? Yes. High noon. If you're a tequila lover who's never satisfied with malt hard seltzer offerings, you are going to love new high noon tequila seltzer, a premium hard seltzer, made with real tequila and real juice. It's got a clean finish because it's made with real blanco tequila.

Only 100 calories, gluten-free, and no added sugars. High noon tequila seltzer is now available nationwide in four bright, crisp flavors, strawberry, lime, grapefruit, and passion fruit. I like to have like an eight-pack in my fridge so I can at any time have a little bit of one because they're the perfect pregame drink to me. I like to start my night with a high noon tequila seltzer because after that you can

go any direction. There's literally limitless options for you and you can look for them at Drizzly or at your local liquor or convenience store or visit highnoonspears.com to find it near you. World of T-shirts buzzed his head. Hold up. What? Yeah. You guys have been giving him some buzz, bro.

You guys have been putting him on. Buzzed his head, and Michael Quinn, the guy that arranged the peace deal between WOT and Daniel Larson, has been TikToking about somebody else now. I do think, Roan, there's a chance. One, Frank Fleming. Oh. has been tick-tocking about somebody else now. I do think, Roan, there's a chance. One, Frank Fleming. Oh. I've heard about his relationship.

I think there's a chance Nick and KB have a secret bet how many shows in a row they can bring him up. I like hearing about it because it's one of those interesting characters that I'm not going to look up myself. Yes, the oral tradition is kind of eclipsing the amount of content that there is about him. He'd keep me up to date. It's like if the playoffs were going on.

He's at his peak, and he's doing this on a daily basis. Got it. So how long can he keep his peak? That's what we're wondering. No, because we talked about him like eight months ago, and he was at his peak then. That was the first on World of T-shirts. Yeah, he was at his peak at the time. Oh, fuck. I the first on World of T-shirts. Yeah, he was at his peak at the time.

Oh, fuck. I'm on the World of T-shirts. Wait, we're on there. Let's see. Oh, no. Is that him being on the bar? That's an old picture. My friend once did that.

It was very funny. We were sitting in a booth Drunk after the Rose Bowl And I was sitting He was sitting across from my other friends On the inside of the booth So he couldn't get out And he just started pissing in the other guy's lap

It was one of the funniest things I've ever seen in my life Because he couldn't get out Funny to do in college Yeah We were out of college Yeah Yeah it was like Five years out of college Damn Pissing on your? We were out of college. Yeah? Yeah, it was like five years out of college.

Damn. Pissing on your boys? We were all fucked up, but it was still, yeah. Just imagine just like sitting there and just all of a sudden there's just piss coming into your lap. It's tough because like if it's even on the outside of your leg, you can be like, oh, someone pissed on me. If it's in your lap, you're like, no, this is someone else's pee. No, he pissed directly into my other friend's lap. Into his penis hole.

Yes. The chaos that happened was. That's truly horrifying. Oh, so funny. People are. You would have laughed, Ron. I would have laughed. I would have.

That's. Yeah. I mean, who hasn't who among us hasn't peed on our boys dicks? Yeah. I had a guy at a rugby party at IEP. I was talking to him at a party out back in the yard, and my feet started to feel warm, and I looked down, and he was just pissing on my feet.

Pissing on you? And I had a crush on him. Oh, no. Yeah, and all the other guys were laughing, and I... Oh, no. Crush harder? No, and that kind of killed it. I was like, I think maybe this guy's making fun of me a little bit

Oh no Wait a minute That's the meanest thing I've ever heard It was very mean He was making fun of you? I don't know The guy was peeing on her He was peeing on my feet

I'm pretty sure He had a crush on him Yeah He didn't notice his dick was out I mean we were like talking Like and I I don't know how I didn't notice it I mean I was pretty drunk

The tragic beginning of a teen comedy. Yeah. I got to go do the Pat Bev show. Go do the Pat Bev show. Go do the Pat Bev show. Brandon, are you still close with like Tony Khan and MJF and everything? Yes. Are you going to break the news?

Of what? The $1.5 billion five-year deal they have with HBO Max. Oh, my God. You didn't break that? Are my sources better than yours? Are my sources better than yours? Are my sources better than yours? Is that even out yet? I have not said that.

Do you know about this? Well, I've been on shows for a couple of hours, so I haven't been able to look at the news. Oh, no, Brandon. How do you not break that news? Because I don't think it's anywhere online. Oh, so can we break that? Please put breaking news from the Yak account. Can I at least text him and ask him? 1.5?

I think it's about 1.5, Bill. Five years, Time Warner, HBO Max. Wow. Nick. AEW. You're like the Woj or Sean. How did you hear that? I have a guy on the inside.

Inside of what? AEW. No, you don't. Yes, I do. Is it anywhere online yet? I'm sure it is. That's where you got it. No, it don't. Yes, I do. Is it anywhere online yet? I'm sure it is. That's where you got it. No, it's not.

$1.5 billion, HBO Max? Yeah. Why am I asking him questions like he's going to... You probably want to get the details, because he clearly has them. Does that mean the whole library, or just their future streaming? The whole library, I'm imagining. I was hoping they would get their whole library on something. No, they've only teased.

Yeah, February 2nd, they're considering their own streaming service. Yeah, I believe it happened. Should be. I mean, unless my source isn't good. Which we all know that's not true. That can't be true. Cannot be true. Okay, I understand that you were able to look and see when Scotty Tuhati had testicular cancer.

But how did you cultivate sources to where you're getting news? It's called hard work. You're like the first one breaking this to the world. I think so. Oh, nice. Oh, shit. No, that was all right. Tuesday was tricky.

You just did that now? Yeah, I just did it. Damn, I'm just like in that world now. But Kyle, yesterday. It's crazy how fast you've established yourself as like the guy too. Preeminent wrestling mind at Barstool Sports. And how's Brandon's mom doing? Well.

Good. Flogging around in her Berks. I got a text this morning from my mom from mama yeah from mama and it said i just want to read it to nick now the um all right legitimate question she's she texted me this at 11 47 did we talk last night i took a sleeping pill and don't remember also please ask nick if he called me. I vaguely remember talking to someone else. Did you talk to my mom last night? So. Yeah, what?

I was in Tribeca. I got pasillos, and I was feeding the ducks the mortadella that I didn't want. Sure. And I was just like, this is a great scene, and I just, like, snapped her a picture. And then I called her and I was like, did you see the picture of I'm feeding the ducks mortadella? Was she, did she answer?

She was groggy. She was loopy, yeah. I just thought it was cool. You've literally stolen his life. I have, yeah. I don't understand the mom part like wrestling i got but the mom part's the best part and she's like texting you being like did i talk to you or nick you took her easily and you didn't put up a fight oh no she didn't put up a fight it's

a problem and i didn't need to she's looking for more friends i i didn't i know i didn't talk to her last night i did yeah okay so I'll tell her that was Nick. How long did you guys talk for? A minute maybe. Oh, yeah. Once she goes. Oh, then Brandon is, Mom. I'm guessing this one's around.

She went to bed with a sleeping pill, so I'm guessing this was around 8 o'clock Eastern. It was like at sunset. Yeah. Nick, did you call her on Sunday? I texted her. Okay. But like one of the gifs of like somebody mouthing, I love you. It was like a glittery heart with a bear peeking out.

Did you call her, Brandon? I FaceTimed her with the kids. And all the kids got to talk to her. Nice. She's excited about the move to Chicago because she feels she'll be able to get to Chicago a lot easier than she gets to New York. That's probably true. It's a nine-hour drive as opposed to 16. That's a lot easier.

So, quicker flight. I'm buying her a car right now. It's a quicker flight, too, right? What kind of car? Quicker flight. What's that flight? Probably an hour. Yeah. Drive to Memphis, an hour flight from Memphis to...

Oh, yeah, I've done Memphis to Chicago. It's only an hour to Memphis? A flight? No, it's about an hour to Memphis? A flight? No, it's about an hour and a half drive from where we are. That's not bad. You probably wear red tuxedos at the Memphis prom. Yeah. Maybe.

I mean, I'm sure Memphis has a lot of different proms, a lot of different decorum, a lot of different... That's where you'd find it. Yeah. Did you guys wear a funny tux to your prom or just wear a straight tux? Straight tux, black. Fucking Nike helmet. I had a World of Warcraft raid that night.

Was that the prom where you drove? Was that the prom where you drove? That was homecoming. Oh, homecoming. Okay. I was homecoming when prom was happening. I can't believe he stole his mom. That's so great. Josh Richards is here.

Ja Ray. It did happen. Tommy's going to be so excited. It's our boy. It's our boy. Yo, what's up? Hours before and he was pumped. What's up?

Really? He was like, Josh Richards is in town this week. You see Kelly came out announcing anti-kids? I'm blogging it right now. I'm going to shit all over. She's a mom hater. She's a mom hater. Big time mom hater.

You just announced you were taking my mom last Thursday. Yeah, and it happened that way. It took him maybe two hours to take your mom. What happened faster? Nick took Brandon's mom or the Nazis taking, what was it, the Sudetenland? I don't know. It was about the exact same time. Yeah, so this was a true blitzkrieg.

Nick took your mom faster than I could get my piss stream going on the way home from West Virginia. I took his mom faster than Saskoo put his balls in a cup. And dick. And dick. And dick. Dick was in there. Barely. Fatass dick. Hanging out. If you ever piss in the cup and you just put your balls in, you're good to put the dick in.

Damn it. Over your shoes. Again. I think Nick is a great son to your mom. It's not the worst thing that's happened. You shouldn't fight it. No, I haven't.

I haven't played defense at all. No. I can't. One at a time. I can't take his mom. There's nobody left. Wait, why can't you try to take his mom? I couldn't take his mom.

I could try to take his dad. His dad would be easier than his mom. Nah. Nah. You had a thing when your shoes were still at his place. Yeah. You could have always gone back and got them. Yeah.

Left your shoes there? Left a couple pairs. I stayed at his dad's place for eight days once. With his dad? Oh, his dad wasn't in town. He let me have his apartment for eight days. It was last summer when I was trying to move and everything was a disaster. Whatever happened with that?

You weren't even supposed to be here, right? Oh, yeah, you're not supposed to be on this show. A landlord died, remember? Oh, yeah. Well, you're like a whole string of very unfortunate. Brandon is a dark cloud. No, it's all good now. Oh, don't say that.

Today is the day. No, I got all of that mixed last year where my dad died and then my stepdad died. And then I was moving to a new place and the landlord died. And so I didn't have the place anymore. And I just, all my stuff was in a storage facility in northern New Jersey. We didn't have a place to stay. So I put my kids down in Mississippi and I stayed in his dad's place for eight days until we could figure things out. And it worked.

And it was very, very helpful. My mom's never let you stay somewhere for eight days do you know that yes i do know that you're right you just started trying to get it like last thursday i'll get there i'm down in mississippi and the hotels are just so expensive just want a home-cooked meal waiting out in the rain mama will you let me in Just want a home-cooked meal. Waiting out in the rain. Mama, will you let me in? Yeah, all right. Okay.

To be honest, the wrestling thing bothers me way worse. Oh, I know that. We know that. Way worse. The problem is Nick is really good at it. Like, really good at it. I don't understand. Is that on the internet right now? No.

What do you think you're better than him at when it comes to wrestling? Well, I have more of a history with it. I can speak more from a fan's perspective. Sure, right. I think I'm a bit more marketable because the WWE right now is trying to get people that aren't wrestling fans into wrestling.

So people that aren't into it can hop on with me and be on this journey together. There's no playing catch up. There's no cliff notes needed. Just join me. But you're not doing anything. You don't have a show. Oh. Oh.

Well. I did have a meeting yesterday with somebody that shares the same name as I do. And just be on the page. Keep refreshing. We got an interview coming out. If you do a... You had a meeting with Nick Buono?

Why? We got an interview scheduled. With who? there's a youtube page i want you to check out uh this is okay now that's did you take my mom sure don't take take this uh my favorite thing i do and i don't they don't even let me do it all right it's good it's good i gotta go talk to Nathan. He's freaking out. Ja Ray.

So tense. I'm being dead serious too. Oh, I believe it. He's tagged in the tweet that you found out about. I know. Oh, that's how you found out. Oh boy. Hasn't looked there yet. This dude.

Right in front of his face. Here, delete that. Delete that tweet. Yeah, you got to delete that, dude. Delete it, delete it. Also, I don't know how he didn't know about this. This is like a couple days old. Oh.

It's not this tweet, but this news. This news. Jeez. Brandon's sleeping. He's snoozing on it. He doesn't know that by me doing this, he's going to get his show back. Yeah.

No, you're helping him. Yes. 100% this is him. Yes. 100 percent are helping him. He is going to get there's going to be a storyline and then he'll get a show back. And then there'll be people like Nick, why would you do that? You helped. Yeah, you helped him. Absolutely helped.

And then maybe you'll get a show to do wrestling shows. The years will out chart it. Who's to say? What are you going to say, Steven? I only gave Nick and Kate the Outback Reads. Saving paper. What's up? Dog, did you see Martha?

On the cover? Yeah. Oh, so hot. She a baddie? Yeah. She was so hot. Is she a baddie? Yeah. She was. She still is, but she always was. She was always a baddie.

Prison time. Yeah. Baddie. Do you find Nick? That's a real hear me out. Yeah. No, it's not. No, I don't think so.

You're misusing hear me out. You can't have a hear me out if she's on the cover of the Swim Street. She's 83. No, that's not a hear me out. You don't think? That's a hear me out, guys. No. Where, that's not a hear me out. You don't think? That's a hear me out, guys. No! Martha Stewart's a hear me out. You saw her

body in person. You would not react the same way you did as she was on the cover. It's a hear me out. Okay. If I came in, though, it was like I banged Martha Stewart. You guys wouldn't be like, ugh. You'd be like, whoa. That's not a hear me out. No, you're right. You're right.

Who is a hear me out. You're right. You're right. Who is a hear me out? Because no one will give me one. Angela Merkel. Thank you. Yeah. Merkel for sure. Yeah. For sure.

Hear me out. Sturdy. Sturdy. Yes. Because if I came in, I was like, yeah, guys, meet my girl. Melissa McCarthy. Oh, yeah. She, meet my girl. Melissa McCarthy. Oh, yeah. She's really funny.

Hear me out. Yeah. That's a good one. She's really funny. She's one of my favorite actresses. Wait, let me see here. Yeah, that's a good one. Brandon?

No. Yeah. I would have banged John Candy in a heartbeat. Yeah, there we go. That's good. Hear me out. I feel like your hear me out would be like a conventionally attractive guy. It would be.

Hey, what are you doing with him? Hear me out. John him. Yeah. Maybe would consider it. I know that's not what I usually would go for. Did you find Nick? I did.

What did he say? He wouldn't give you up. He said you're working on something, but he wouldn't tell me what it was. You've taken my guy. Nick was my guy. Nick's a good guy to have. I just need one guy. I need one person that's in my corner or my corner alone.

He has a lot of connections. He does. You had TJ for a hot second. And TJ just flipped to Titus in seconds. Seconds. Titus showed up. Quick sweep. TJ just.

I only got one person left. And I'm not even going to say their name. Katie? Oh, Katie. Yeah. Oh, she's been talking. Yeah. That's kind of Kyle's person now.

Is she looking around? I've seen her. I've been having her do some stats for me. She always did stats for you. She's running my Instagram now, too. Me, too, actually. You guys like Outback Steakhouse? Yeah.

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Starting at $24.99, I think we just ate that, scarfed it. It's time to treat yourself to a trip with Outback. Head to your local Outback Steakhouse to enjoy the Tuesday Tales Steak and Lobster Combo. Only on Tuesdays. Nick texted me and wanted me to ask you where you kept your car. I don't know what that means. So when I was going through all that, I had to have somewhere to park my car. And I parked my car at his house for a month.

Who's this famous motherfucker? Who is it? I don't know. There's a bunch of people with him. Wait, how do you know it's the guy that's famous? He seems to be the one that's getting let in. Mom hater Kelly Keats. Can we cut to... Oh no. Who is the leader? Woman.

Who's in charge here? Is that the famous person? Has to be. I think PR always goes first. Should I ask Kelly? Kelly. Kelly. Kelly. Kelly. Kelly. Kelly. Kelly. Kelly. Kelly. Kelly. Kelly. Who's this? You don't know who it is? Who's on the schedule?

Who is that? She knows who it is. She has no idea. Which means they must not be that famous. They've been a good famous day. Who else do we have? Joel McHale walked through here. What?

He still loved the soup. He was one of my earliest crushes. One of my earliest crushes on the soup. He walked through here. I love the tight end for the Huskies. Was he really? Good player. A couple of swimsuit models walked through.

Also, when he walked in, LaMare was like, Oh, that's Joel McHale. I want to tell him something. Joel McHale started walking, and LeMaire started following him, and he was like, and then just stopped. Yeah. I missed it. Is Joel McHale still here?

I don't know. He came, interviewed, and left during Pick Central, so I doubt he's still here. God damn it. People come here early. You got to be here early to see this. There's a few guys coming in that I saw on the schedule that I need to nab a photo with. You have a schedule? You get the people, the talent that potentially could be coming in.

Really? God damn it, Marty. I got to start asking for pictures. I never ask. Green screened it so they could be anywhere. There's a few I've chickened out on that I have deeply regretted. Chase Crawford, I had to do it. He's such a hottie. Danny DeVito, I talked to him, but I didn't.

Yeah, you were hanging around that day. I waited just to see him in person. I bitched out on somebody, too. And Ron Weasley. I can't remember who it was. Danny DeVito's a big one. Ron Weasley was in? He was in.

Danny DeVito's pretty short. Danny DeVito's, I mean, it's pretty shocking. Have you ever listened to the episode? There's an episode of the Always Sunny podcast where Danny DeVito's coming on their podcast, and it's Charlie Day, Rob, and Glenn, and Danny DeVito's like the guest

that day, and he can't figure out where the studio is, and he goes up to this house he thinks is the studio, and he knocks on the door, and these random people, it's just a random house, and they stand there like, holy shit, it's Danny DeVito. And he goes up to this house he thinks is the studio. And he knocks on the door. And these random people, it's just a random house. And they stand in the middle of the door. And they're like, holy shit, it's Danny DeVito.

At our front door. And he went in and hung out with them for like 30 minutes. That's awesome. Imagine just opening your door and just Danny DeVito standing there. If I were famous, I think I'd do that shit all the time. Yeah. Just like knock on doors and be like, hey, I gotta take a shit. His story of getting famous is fascinating. He was on

one episode of Taxi and there was only he had a 30 second cameo and there was only three shows then. So 80 million people were watching it live and he's like, you just wake up the next day and you're an A-list celebrity. That's nuts. Crazy how that works. Was it Carlton

you chickened out of? Carlton I got multiple times. Oh, you got Carlton multiple times? Multiple times. Yeah, he's been here a lot. Carlton has.

I've gotten pictures of Carlton. There was someone here that you left the Yak studio to go take a picture with. That was Carlton. That was Carlton. Yeah.

Even though you have him a bunch, what are you collecting? Well, let's see. I got Kane, Jerry Rice. You hooked up Jerry Rice for me. Remember that? Yeah.

And Jerry Rice asked me for the picture. It was really nice. Yeah. Yeah. But I don't remember who I chickened out of. I don't remember if it was an athlete or an actor. There's been some big ones. Tee Grizzly, I wish I got a picture of.

Don Johnson, maybe? Because I did chicken out Don Johnson. Yes, you did. Gri big ones. T. Grizzly, I wish I got a picture of. Don Johnson, maybe? Because I did chicken out Don Johnson. Yes, you did. Grizzly? Yeah. Grizzly Man? Yeah, he did Most Dangerous Game, or not Most Dangerous.

He did Million Dollars Worth of Game a while ago. He's awesome. I chicken out on Snooki every single time. Every single time. He seems like the most approachable. I know. Easily.

I know. Easily. I know. Easily. But I, yeah, I always panic. Did you spin the wheel, TJ? Did you spin that shit? Marky Mark was here. We're set for a date, by the way, for Kate's date with Frank.

Frank. And Kyle, when are we doing a... Oh, barter blitz. Barter blitz. It involves something with seeing if we could barter an item just on the streets of New York. Ooh. Oh, speaking of, right behind you, KB,

a lady yak are sending a lady yak named Judy. If you could highlight that really quick. Another name wheel. Cute as a button. This is... Name wheel just gets hit every day. I just wanted to highlight that really quick. Another name wheel. Cute as a button. This is... Name wheel just gets hit every day. I just wanted to highlight that someone was nice enough to create that and send it in.

Wait, what is the Yak Yak Award? Who is Judy? They just sent it in from... I looked up the address. It's a tiny little house in Oklahoma that fixes up crafts and makes them fancy. Oh, we'll get to... Something fun.

Che. Thank you for that. We still got gotta go bowling no chance he remembers what that means what's trust in oh trust the data oh tread challenge is not good i think i could tread for a long... I don't know. Maybe not anymore. What's per? He has no idea. I don't remember. What's Tread Challenge?

I think we all... Okay, so what's an expensive item that someone would be willing to sacrifice for Barter Blitz? There's Judy. Or not expensive. Shout out to the Lady Ackers. Not on that

not like down there so we have an item and we try to trade it oh no best item possible what P-E-R-R is

Ped Egg Relay Race so what do you know what Ped Eggs are it's the it's like a pumice stone but it captures all your dead skin.

For the bottom of your foot, yeah. So the goal of this is you have to pet egg your foot and then fill up a cup until it gets to the bottom line. Or like we'll make a line that's a little bit smaller than that. We're not doing that. Yeah, we are. Do that? No. And it's like,

so bring in two pet eggs tomorrow. We should probably all get her. They're like $10, but yeah. I'll order them. Order, yeah. So we all have to do it until we get to a certain line? Yeah. We're filling up a cup with our dead skin.

That's just a race, not a relay race, though. How is it? No. That's unwatched. Yeah, let's do it in teams because individually it would be too difficult. So we have to keep dumping our dead skin into a common cup? Yes. That's nasty.

Why? Why did you think of that? That's just horrific. I mean, we're going to do it. You guys wanted some bad stuff on the wheel. This was not... What is the loser after? Yeah. Like, eat the dead skin.

Loser. Yeah. I didn't write that part, but we can figure it out. Maybe put it in a smoothie. Oh! What the fuck, dude? Absolutely not. I'm in. Cannibal not. I'm in. Cannibalism? I'm in.

There's got to be some prize. Shaving Joey for bread or something. They're all singing on the stairs. I believe this is a

TikTok trend. Guess who's actually singing. Oh. Seen it a while ago, like a year ago. I'm so bad at it. I haven't Never gotten it yet

It's very hard Pet egg relay Alright Freak Che In the show Yeah why not Oh you gonna get the pet eggs Yeah I'll order the pet eggs

Just go buy two I don't think that these are I think it's like an As seen on TV product I don't think that they are I think it's like an as seen on TV product I don't think that they're You a damn freak I like it Tell the story about the pet egg that I had

No They're basically like cheese graters for feet But the bottom of it So the top is a cheese grater And the bottom is shaped like half an egg So it's circular So I was trying it out, and I did it. And, you know, there's a little skin or whatever, so I was attempting to get rid of it.

So I blew in it, but in a curved fashion, it just went all in my face. Oh. It was disgusting. Oh. So, yeah, we'll all get to enjoy that. Yeah. Okay, sounds fun. Sounds like a great time.

The loser has to LeBron James it. Oh, yeah. Yeah, out on the street. Yeah, let's do that. Yeah. But you have to pick your team. It's a vote. Yeah.

Who has to go out LeBron James. We'll go four on four, pet egg challenge. Okay. Great call. Okay. See you everyone tomorrow. Maybe we'll do pet eggs. You can just go buy it at Great call. Okay. See you tomorrow. Maybe we'll do pet eggs. You can just go buy it at a store.

Yeah. I had a store tomorrow. Dwayne Reed probably has them. I'll check. I'll check with Dwayne Reed. I'd be surprised if these are. Okay. All right. We'll be right back. Yankees love Isley Act. Isley Act.