The Yak - SHEESH! The Steven Cheah Grilling Saga Continues | The Yak 8-8-24

Episode Date: August 8, 2024

TJ's dad takes on the gauntletYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak...

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Yo, TJ, hold that up. Welcome to the Yak. Here I am, much to my dismay, Cal B, with an unchanged esophagus. Oh, it didn't change. It didn't happen. Did we tell Kate we were doing the show at noon? That's on us. Roback.com.
Starting point is 00:00:47 R-H-O-B-A-C-K.com. Shorts, joggers, hoodies. All the good stuff. Use code YAK to get 20% off your first purchase. Roback.com. So your surgery didn't happen? Well, it was as close as it could have been. Were you on the IV in?
Starting point is 00:01:01 Oh, my God. Had my fucking gown on. And they just said no pass well this the general anesthetic they use i'm severely allergic to oh how did you find that out um with like the same like informality as you like telling me you can't do the crossword what do you mean the doctor came in right before and he was like me you can't do the crossword what do you mean the doctor came in right before and he was like yeah we can't do it how did they discover you were allergic to it so it's in my family like sure my mom was severely allergic my aunt went into a coma from it what permanent memory loss from it oh god damn. So I'm not actually,
Starting point is 00:01:45 I never got tested, but I just put it down like for my allergies. Sussing choline. And I figured they would have discovered that earlier when I submitted the forms last week. What time did you wake up today?
Starting point is 00:02:00 4.30. Jesus. And they don't have a backup anesthesia? And you Ubered up, it's pretty far north. had somebody driving so they did i was under the impression all my life i just say it yeah my mom was like they don't even use this shit anymore but you say it just in case yeah and they do have backups but like this one is like it's short lasting so that's what they primarily use and they couldn't pivot, I guess.
Starting point is 00:02:27 Well, thank goodness you said it. It's a massive waste of time, yeah. Did White Boy Rick still... No, he canceled last night. No way. Kyle was paying White Boy Rick $100 to bring him home from surgery. Cody. Cody did, and he got in a car accident on the way up.
Starting point is 00:02:41 Cody did? What? That's your head. Yeah, that's my guy. That sounds like Cody. That's about right. He's a good dude, though. Good kid. It was like an hour in traffic.
Starting point is 00:02:56 Did you reschedule? No. Waiting for them. So this may never happen. So you might have a deformed esophagus forever. That sucks. You were going to be able to burp tonight. I was so excited.
Starting point is 00:03:08 I was excited for you. I was so excited to go under, to fuck off for the rest of the day and weekend. Yeah. Now you've got to run the fucking triathlon. What are we doing? Yeah, I was going to bench you, but now you've got to fucking run. I have a flight at 6 p.m., and I'm still here. Wow.
Starting point is 00:03:26 Oh, that's crazy. Wait, are you going to be here for the whole Olympics? Heavens no. I'm leaving halfway through this. Through the act. Yeah. Well, you're going to leave at 1 o'clock for a 6 p.m. flight. You know how the traffic to O'Hare.
Starting point is 00:03:40 Yeah, you're right. You've got to get to the macaroni grill and start downing Pinot Grigio. Yeah. I'm going to lounge. I'm going to lounge. I'm going to lounge up. Where are you going? Shout out Boy Dad. Huh?
Starting point is 00:03:48 Where are you going? Pittsburgh. I didn't know that. Rough and Rowdy. Oh, that's right. You did know that. I knew that. I knew that.
Starting point is 00:03:56 I refuse to do the lounge bullshit, by the way. I think it's so overrated. I know. You ride a bus. Yeah. You took a Greyhound bus. That's why you don't do the lounge. It's overrated. It's my choice. I'm a man of the people. I took a Greyhound bus. That's why you don't take a lounge.
Starting point is 00:04:06 It's my choice. I'm a man of the people. I've also never gone to a lounge. Fuck a lounge. Is the lounge a more comfortable chair? Chargers. You always have a spot. Free food and drink. Can always find a charger.
Starting point is 00:04:18 Free food and drink. Yeah. And there's less mook types. Okay. All right. Okay. I I gotta hit the lounge I apologize I don't want to be around your fucking type dude I think airport is like My favorite crowd
Starting point is 00:04:36 To deal with It's not a bad crowd I love it He was homeless by choice He wanted to be And he was nice enough. He prayed for you. Prayed for me.
Starting point is 00:04:47 Wrote me a little book. I like hanging out in airports. I love hanging out in airports. It's like a nicer mall. Yeah. I always meet a good dude at an airport. There's always a bookstore.
Starting point is 00:04:57 I always meet braggarts. People that love to brag at airport bars. Oh, yeah. Always. Something about airport bars. People chat and chat and brag. They're quick to show pictures of different homes they have.
Starting point is 00:05:10 Oh, yeah. And I'll stoke the fire. I'm like, show me more. It's overweight men that are Norwood 2 and are going to cheat on their wives with a transitioning person in Bali. Every time. Every time. Dude. Norwood too?
Starting point is 00:05:31 Yeah. It's an epidemic. It's all of Asia. All of Eastern Asia. Norwood too, right? Whatever. Yeah. The balding dudes that go and they feel less shame flirting with Asian women.
Starting point is 00:05:42 Yeah. Because they can't get like formally can't get rejected in english right so it doesn't feel like a rejection why do ball guys go to turkey for the hair transplant why don't we have that here why do they we do it's a lot cheaper in turkey is that all it is ken jack eddie uh nicky smokes white socks. Dave are all going to Turkey with wanton. Those dudes, those dudes got a no hair group chat. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:09 They're doing like no hair means. But like, even if they double white socks, Dave's amount of strands, he's still like not a two neck guitars worth of hair. TJ, can I see why socksck's Dave's hair? It's way, way cheaper, I believe.
Starting point is 00:06:28 I think it's like $3,000. And they've actually booked it, correct? Yeah, I guess Donnie's doing a video taking all these men. The procedure is cheaper. Getting to Turkey can't be cheap. Yeah, that's what I'm confused by. I think it's like a minimum $10,000 here. Oh, I see these videos of the guys on the planes,
Starting point is 00:06:45 and you just spot the bald heads just one after another that are coming back from Turkey. I thought maybe we just had different rules that were a lot more lax, and everybody could get them. Maybe we had qualifiers. I thought they had better doctors. Yeah, I thought it was better doctors. That's what they're known for. Some of the guys may be getting it for free, too.
Starting point is 00:07:04 I think they have to owe like 28 Instagram posts. So unfollow them all now. 28 grid posts about their hair. I would almost rather pay more than be like, look at this. Should I get White Sox Dave down here? I'm just curious. Let's get Danny Conrad down here to talk about it. Yeah, fuck it.
Starting point is 00:07:26 We can bring him down. I did think you were kidding at first. This is real? Yes. This group is actually going to Turkey, and they're all getting hair plugs together? Yes. For a Wanton Don video. I got mad at Smokes the other day.
Starting point is 00:07:38 I said, go get hair plugs. I was joking. Took it to heart. He's going. Okay, good for him. He needs to. I think it's so. He's going. Okay, good for him. He needs to. I think it's... Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:50 He should go now. He's... He's... I don't know if he needs plugs or if he just needs some hair moved around. Yeah. Yeah, I think they just need to shift it. Like, relocate. Put the size in the front.
Starting point is 00:08:02 He's got a lot of torso hair, doesn't he? He's got it. Oh, he's got arm? He's got shoulder hair. Yeah, he's got shoulder hair in the front. He's got a lot of torso hair, doesn't he? He's got it. Oh, he's got arm? He's got shoulder hair. Yeah, he's got shoulder hair. Shoulder, back, chest. Move all that to the top. And it was Nicky Smokes, Eddie, and White Sox Dave, and Wonton Don.
Starting point is 00:08:18 And Ken Jack, I think. I hope I'm not airing them out, but if they come back with, hey, me and all the boys are going to Turkey and then come back with really thick hair. Well, I think too, you can't wear a hat and it takes a while. It's like a freshly planted like rows of corn. It looks so gross. It looks so gross. And they have like, they just have to walk around like that.
Starting point is 00:08:37 What was it like here when Dave got hair plugs? Was that a big day? I think he like, he got to be undercover for a little while, while it healed. I don't think he was walking around, but these guys are going to have to be walking around. Didn't Nate noogie him? Very soon after. It looks good. Yeah, it's held.
Starting point is 00:08:57 Yeah, I guess so. Is there a chance it doesn't work? There's always a chance any procedure doesn't work. If it's like a one in five and one of those dudes loses it, we should all take one. Who we think will be the big. Yeah, we should bet. It's going to be White Sox Dave. It's Dave.
Starting point is 00:09:10 It's White Sox Dave. No question. He's going to have a scarred up head. If he has a patch missing out of his hair or something. That would be so awesome. Where it grows more into his beard and it goes up higher. Like fuck up the implant we got to do the uh we're doing the day three of the summer games today so
Starting point is 00:09:31 uh you can watch after that uh watch after this show do you recommend watching it brandon i do recommend watching it i recommend watching it uh it's been a fun time any events in particular uh i mean goddamn mook yesterday god damn brandon mook with the past of the century big customer baby yeah um it was a it was a pleasure feeding you i owe an apology to reeks i thought he was faking his yeah they kept making fun they kept acting like he wasn't hurt yeah as soon as i got up there travel i blew my whistle i was like it's traveling that was a travel yeah it was a travel That was a travel. Yeah. It was a travel. That was a good call. Yeah, thank you. But I was just like, it was all so perfect.
Starting point is 00:10:08 It was Titus wasn't playing. Yeah. And then you guys went down. It was all perfect. Thank you for pointing that out, Nick. It was all perfect with me not playing. I agree. It did.
Starting point is 00:10:15 That was perfect. It did. It seemed like a setup, but watching him go down, I knew immediately that there was something bad wrong. Yeah. And he hasn't gone to the doctor yet. He did yesterday. He went to the – he's scheduled an MRI for when he gets home.
Starting point is 00:10:29 Okay. So he didn't go to the MRI doctor. He said he got up in the morning to put on his shoes and, like, screamed in pain. Yeah. I still think he's faking. I think I take it as an insult that you think it's more likely that I came up with a comedic bit where we would fake an injury and then I would come into the game rather than just like I didn't want to play I was happy you came in the game because I got to cross you up oh god damn oh shit fuck I'm I'm just it's it's a joke it's a joke when did
Starting point is 00:10:56 you cross me up it was the final the final play it's well that wasn't exaggerating it was a joke it was a good pass when did you when did you cross me off? We can pull the clip. You've got to go to one side of the. Pull the clip. When did you pull? Not this clip. We're already past it. So you know exactly where.
Starting point is 00:11:13 I watched it a hundred times yesterday. A rare win for me here. I think that might be my first win on camera ever. I don't know that I've had another one. I feel like you have a lot of massive W's and massive L's. You're my favorite to win surviving barstool this season. Why?
Starting point is 00:11:35 I'm putting it out there. I'm manifesting. They just added Francis to it today. I think they added Francis and Robbie Fox. Two good guys. Yeah, two great guys. I went back and watched basketball last night because I have nothing. This is the only W I have recorded as well.
Starting point is 00:11:51 There were some chat nicknames for me. Mook 22. What's that? I hit a no jumper jumper. That was good. Amuka Okafor. Hima Lajamook. That's bad. Retarded Loser That one
Starting point is 00:12:08 rolls off the big tongue. And then Mukadanchage. Which one do we pick out of that? It might be Mukadanchage. I don't know. Retarded Loser is smooth. It does roll off the tongue.
Starting point is 00:12:26 It was fun yesterday. Go back and watch that. I need it. Go back and watch that. I need it. Everybody stop what you're doing. Yeah, pause. Turn this off.
Starting point is 00:12:34 Turn this off. I heard you changed your credentials before you were announced on stage before stand-up now. You may know him from The Assist to Brandon from episode two of the Barstool Summer Games. Yeah, at the hour 45 mark. It is crazy because our team is doing good in the Olympics and we have a shot to win. I know now that I'm saying it out loud we're going to lose, but there's no prize if we do win.
Starting point is 00:12:58 None whatsoever. It's one of the few events we have. Is there really? There's no prize. There's no prize. There's the cross. Guarded by Titus. Well, I was kind of a pick there. Guard There's no prize. There's no prize. There's the cross. Well, I was kind of a pick there, man.
Starting point is 00:13:10 You see, I kind of nudge him. This is my Super Bowl. Okay. All right, if you need it, you can have it. Titus, he needs it. He crossed me. He fucked me up. Thanks, man. I went home and cried over that.
Starting point is 00:13:23 This is Riggs' fault. Yeah. Yeah, it is. He's supposed to golf in Ireland in like two weeks. He's been planning it for 24 years. That's bad planning on him. No, he hasn't. I don't think he tore his Achilles, though.
Starting point is 00:13:38 I think there is some good news. Should we have him run the gauntlet? He's never done it. I was worried that he was not going to walk normally ever again. Yeah. He's not. Do you see him crawling out there? I did.
Starting point is 00:13:50 Yeah, he's not going to walk normally anytime soon. But I have to imagine you tear your Achilles. Yeah. At our age, it's a shriek. Like, we take for granted that, like, the instances of torn Achilles that we see on television, they then have the best medical doctors take care of them. You're like, oh, Aaron Rodgers was back throwing a football later that year. But if you were I, Tara Achilles, we're fucked.
Starting point is 00:14:15 It's career-ending for the most premier athletes ever. Yeah. It's like life-ending. It might be career-ending for us as podcasts. Yes. You just say, ow. Riggs is down and maybe hurt. It's like life-ending. It might be career-ending for us as podcasts. Yes, it's off. You just say, ow. Riggs is down and maybe hurt.
Starting point is 00:14:31 I don't think he tore it, but I'm not a doctor. But it seems like he might be better off than we originally thought. I felt bad because as soon as he went down, I just did this and looked away. Then I turned back around and I was like, oh, he's actually hurt. But then you crossed up Titus. I immediately showed empathy. because as soon as he went down, I just did this and looked away. Then I turned back around, and I was like, oh, he's actually hurt. But then you crossed up Titus. Then you crossed up Mark. I immediately showed empathy and compassion for him.
Starting point is 00:14:52 Well, I guess I was the only one. I was cracking wise. TJ. Yep. Your piece of shit parents in town? What? Yeah, they are. Where the fuck are they?
Starting point is 00:15:03 Should I send? No, not yet. He's going to run the gauntlet today? I think so. They want us to do it early. Oh, he's nervous. So they can set the summer games up. So they asked us to do the gauntlet in the first half hour, if possible.
Starting point is 00:15:19 Oh, you were going to get around to telling me that? Stefan texted me five minutes ago. Okay, okay, okay. So where is your dad? He's in here. Okay, we'll do it at minutes ago. Okay. So where is your dad? He's in here. Okay. We'll do it at 1230. Okay.
Starting point is 00:15:31 Are both the folks in there? Yep. What's up, guys? Hello. Hi. You're the best. You feel like only child was an all-your-eggs-in-one-basket kind of move? That was it. That's all we got.
Starting point is 00:15:46 No further questions. Now now I have a question I called the Mr. and Mrs. Hitchings and they said they gave me Tim and I'm sorry TJ I forget your mom's name Maureen Tim and Maureen did you guys grow up as Mr. and Mrs. people because I know some people are like oh yeah I had to call everybody
Starting point is 00:16:00 I still do I had some parents that were like call me Katie and I was still do i still do or sir ma'am yeah i had some parents that were like call me katie and i was like i can't can't do that yeah and i was like 11 i was like i can't call you katie yeah i can't do it no then some kids called their parents that that was bad hated that i didn't want to be at that house first name yeah didn't like that hey hey chad no i'm not oh i can't be around who calls their dad Chad. Some of my aunts and uncles now are like, please just call me Chris or whatever. I can't. I'm like, Uncle Chris.
Starting point is 00:16:29 Yeah. I can't do it. Yeah, I will never. Anybody a second older than me will always be Mr. or Mrs. I almost want to call you Mr. Walker. I would like for you to. All right, Mr. Walker. That's pretty cool.
Starting point is 00:16:43 Felt pretty good. Felt pretty good. Do any of you guys have a weird name for your grandma because it feels weird if you're still calling her gam gam okay my family doesn't do that so i don't like yeah i was always grandma grandpa nanny you go nanny my it's kate i know i'm looking at a meemaw person no no my mom's dad was a real blue collar guy from philly and her and my aunt thought it was funny, like he wasn't about fancy stuff. They got us to start calling him Grand Pierre when we were little,
Starting point is 00:17:11 and so my whole life I called him my Grand Pierre. Like, he was like a fancy French guy. Yeah, that's awful. It's terrible. And, like, yeah. Thankfully he died early enough that it was a few years he had to deal with it. But, yeah.
Starting point is 00:17:26 I want to do a Yak episode with just your entire extended family they would do it my brother and sister have kids before me and uh they've already started the where my parents are like whatever me mall or i don't know what the fuck those those kids call them and i'm already i'm pretty mad about my kids being forced to call my parents pat pat because they want pretty mad about my kids being forced to call my parents pat pat because they want the other ones i don't want to raise my kids that way but that's the precedent it's already been started and i'm i'm already angry about it i don't even have kids so i had an awkward thing in my family i was uh i i was an only grandchild forever because i'm 16 years older than my sister or any of my cousins and i always called my grandmother granny but when they came through they changed it to ninny so here i am uh old me
Starting point is 00:18:11 saying granny granny granny and the other grandkids are all saying ninny and and she liked that better so i'm just they don't respect your precedent they didn't respect my precedent yeah they didn't respect it ninny ninny's british i didn't like nanny. Granny is sexual. Granny's not sexual. Why do you think granny's sexual? Why do we have a granny? That's only you. I mean, that's what...
Starting point is 00:18:31 Granny feels a little sexual. That is what they label. That's pornographic terminology. Granny certainly... So wait, if I say granny style, what do you think of it? That's ex-hamster nomenclature. It's always granny gets fucked. That's how they call them.
Starting point is 00:18:45 I wouldn't call my grandma granny. Never. If you were to sexualize a grandmother, you'd call her granny. Yeah, she's a granny. For sure. Like an apocryphal elderly woman, that's a granny. I had a granny, and then my great-grandmother was still alive. She was mamaw.
Starting point is 00:19:01 I had mamaw and granny. How'd granny look? No, come on. No. Yeah. If you see an old woman at a concert showing chest and abs, that's a Granny. That's a Granny. Yeah. You know where you see a lot of Grannies?
Starting point is 00:19:17 Motorcycle culture, I feel like. Exactly. Oh, yeah. What's that thing going on right now up in North Dakota? Sturgis? Yeah. I've seen a lot of clips and there's a lot of Grannies. When you could have a, um, when there was the competition for the fan vote to name the next Mountain Dew,
Starting point is 00:19:28 a gushing grannies won. Gushing it, right? Was that like a 4chan troll? It was a 4chan troll, and then there was some really awful ones. Oh, they've done some good shit boys. Hey, uh, hey Hitchings. Um. Hitchings Senior? Yeah, Hitchings Senior and Mother Hitchings.
Starting point is 00:19:47 When Don't do this, Brandon. When TJ fucks the shit out of a girl and gets her pregnant, what do you want your grandparents' names to be? When he leaves himself into based after completion. When he cream pops. When he busts in a woman and makes her pregnant, what do you all want your grandparent names to be? Based is crazy.
Starting point is 00:20:08 Do you want me to slap Brandon? Because I'll go do it. No, we need to hear this answer here. Yes, Maureen? Tim? Can we get him a mic? Get him a mic. Oh, they're on it.
Starting point is 00:20:18 They're on it. Tim? If you need us to repeat the question, we can repeat it. Do you have headphones on? Did you not hear the question? Well, he's occupied. Sexy grandma would be cool. Sexy grandma would be good.
Starting point is 00:20:30 Oh, there we go. Sexy grandma. Okay. TJ, get filling, bud. Yeah, dude. Does that mean Tim Hitchens is going to be sexy grandpa? He's not sexy grandpa. No, it's got to be something different.
Starting point is 00:20:42 More of a dirty grandpa. Dirty grandpa. Dirty grandpa. There you go, TJ. You got sexy grandma and dirty grandpa. Thanks, it's got to be something different. More of a dirty grandpa. Dirty grandpa. Dirty grandpa. There you go, TJ. You got sexy grandma and dirty grandpa. Thanks, Brandon. You got it, buddy. I can, I just, nobody can bring parents in.
Starting point is 00:20:56 No, no. I know what you mean by granny now. No. I, it's not like some super subtle thing. It's like if you go to a porn site, I don't know, 10 years ago at least when I was looking. But granny in porn is like 40 years old. Yeah, true. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:12 True. Damn. I don't, that's my grandma. Granny. I called her that for 40 years. Update my OnlyFans. Yeah, granny. I called my great grandma granny number one.
Starting point is 00:21:23 Kate, you're about to genre flip. Yeah. God, Katie Money Grants. granny number one. Kate, you're about to genre flip. Yeah. God, Katie Money Grants. Hit me up. From M to G. I had not only a great-grandmother for part of my life, I had a great-great-grandmother until I was 20. No kidding.
Starting point is 00:21:34 Yeah. Great-great? I had a great-great. Wait, what year was she born? I don't know. 1830. I think she died at like 100 in the 90s. Was it uncomfortable to be around her?
Starting point is 00:21:45 No. Did she know who you were ever? No, I don't think anybody, I didn't see her much. And then my great-grandmother, she was around until I was like 40. What? Yeah, she lived a while. Is that they were having kids young? Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:22:00 Although the women that produced me, about every 20 years, bang, here they come. Here they come. Here they come. Just here comes the new generation. Yep. Do any of you have like super elite cousins? I got some decently elite cousins. What do you mean by elite? Like athlete or intellectual?
Starting point is 00:22:19 It could be career-wise. This is sad. I'm the elite cousin. Oh, dear God. Well, you crossed up Titus. That family is going to be in prison. Yeah. I have cousins who are doing
Starting point is 00:22:32 way, way better than me in every way. You have hundreds of cousins, right? Yeah. Your family, and y'all all get together like every summer. You have a huge extended family that loves each other? Yes. I have cousins here who do way better than me. They have a lake house and it works out great i'm too nervous to get to know my cousins because i'm like the youngest yeah won't talk to him that's so weird to me i don't talk to i'm the
Starting point is 00:22:53 same when i go to my grandma i like hold on to the back of my mom's shirts they're like my favorite people to go out with on the planet because they have to love me no matter what i don't think on the surface they do i think cousins can get away with not loving each other. No, they don't have to like you. Oh, there's gossip. But we love each other. So none of mine are like similarly aged. Are yours like close in age to you? We're like, there's like 42 of us and we're like one after the next.
Starting point is 00:23:16 42? That's fun. On my dad's side alone. 42 cousins? Each of the 13 had like four kids and then blah, blah, blah. Damn. Damn. Yeah. I have four cousins on one side and three on the other.
Starting point is 00:23:31 I'm sure I've extended cousins too that I don't really know, but I don't have many cousins at all. Do you have any war hero cousins? No war hero cousins, no rich cousins. Just Brent Walker who has a pool now. Oh, is he the elite cousin? He has a pool, yeah. In ground? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, is he the elite cousin? He has a pool, yeah. In-ground?
Starting point is 00:23:45 Oh, yeah. Oh, wow. Call him Shady. Were you guys the house growing up that you hosted family gatherings? No, no. I had such a small family. My mom, every holiday we would have the... In the Catholic Church, they're called brothers.
Starting point is 00:24:00 She would invite the brothers up, and we would have dinner with them. The brothers? Yeah, they're like male nuns. I don't know. We'd have all the brothers at all the holidays instead of our with them. The brothers? Yeah, they're like male nuns. I don't know. We'd have all the brothers at all the holidays instead of our actual family. I had a different set of brothers. Yeah, yeah, in your hood. Interesting.
Starting point is 00:24:13 So like the monks? I ask, but they were, yeah. Okay. Were they fun? I feel like that would be nerve-wracking. I think my dad asked if one of us has ever gotten pussy, and he was like, yeah, I have. You have a new Catholic anecdote every day. Catholicism is weird.
Starting point is 00:24:33 Yeah. It just is. Even if you cut out the greatest hits of pedophilia, there's still a lot of weird shit. Yeah. You could take out their head. Pedophilia overshadows a lot of their other flaws. Yeah. So if you cut that out, still a Hall of weird shit yeah you could take out the head of philia overshadows a lot of their other flaws yeah so if you cut that out still a hall of fame weird career it's like taking away
Starting point is 00:24:49 hank aaron's 755 home still impressive he still has three thousand yeah yeah uh i is wheeling a catholic town like majority catholic yeah because i didn't know any catholics growing up you're baptist yeah baptist i don't know what is what is like a stereotype of a baptist in contrast to it uh baptist is kind of holier than now you know their baptisms are fun they have a whole big pool yeah we have a pool you do rivers a lot don't you you can do rivers yeah lakes do do do ponds your preachers are always blotting forehead of sweat beads telling everybody to hold on i'm gonna get going in a minute shit like that but they still like get down like they fucking party yeah but they don't baptists are not forward facing partiers they'll if you see a babs in
Starting point is 00:25:35 a liquor store they'll look the other way yeah your presbyterians your episcopalians they're they're ready to fucking go but baptists are not the southern people are fake by nature i don't believe that to be true. I don't believe that. Which I commend. I feel like all people are fake by nature. I think a lot of people should be fake. Isn't everybody fake by nature?
Starting point is 00:25:52 Adapt to different communities. Well, that's the South. It's like if you say, like, bless her heart, that's mean. Right. That's pretty mean as shit. But then you'll commit heinous hate crimes on Saturday night, and then you've got to be like, get up for church. Wasn't that like a lot of country songs? It's like like fuck a dead deer on saturday night but pray up to
Starting point is 00:26:08 god on sun that was a big yeah yeah that was really good that was a big hit in my town yeah every every country song since 2002 has had the line and in my town yeah was that was that uh montgomery gentry's fault uh they, it was either them or Aldine. Shit. Aldine might have done it. Yeah, Kate, one of my Delco aunts, whenever she gets into like a tiff in like the grocery store, will just say, Jesus loves you.
Starting point is 00:26:34 Ooh, brutal. That's the meanest thing somebody can say. That cuts deep. How many grocery store tiffs is she getting into? A good amount. Yeah, she works there. I don't know that I've ever had a grocery store tiff. Yeah, no, they get into heated arguments. I think most tiffs. getting into a good amount yeah she works there i don't know that i've ever had a grocery store tiff yeah no they get into heated arguments i think most coupons most tiffs happen in traffic or parking lots oh yeah it's so true i think i think most tiffs happen there some tiffs
Starting point is 00:26:56 could happen in stores but most tiffs happen in the park you acting up in traffic every day i mean you've gotten not every day but i'll i'll i'll yeah i'll get i'll get sideways in traffic do you admit when it's your fault uh every time okay every time i once i once uh cut when i was moving out here i was in the u-haul i accidentally cut off a semi i cut his ass off and then we we went down the road we were at a toll booth and i cut him off and then we the next toll booth was 10 miles away i sat and waited for him to come up so i could say my bad my bad sorry about that was he cool about it he was like he was all methed out yeah it was it was a good moment i like having moments with people in traffic like positive moments like you ever have somebody acknowledge you in traffic like oh just driving down the interstate and you're both driving fast and you're helping each other and one time i exited and the guy who had been my
Starting point is 00:27:41 partner just looked at me and went like that and i I was like, Oh fuck. Yeah. You're doing slingshots like Ricky Bob. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You let me in here. I'll let you in down there. I get that a lot in Chicago. The drivers here are kind and patient to a fault.
Starting point is 00:27:55 They are. They would let you turn in front of them. They'll wait for maple syrup to cross the road. I think 80% of my Ubers almost end in accidents or arguments yeah yours are aggressive yes i think too slow and unaggressive i have to wait for geese to cross the road about once every five trips down here there's a there's a there's two there's two lakes on either side of the road up in antioch and there's just a squad of geese like 30 geese and they cross the road i don't know why these motherfuckers don't fly right but and every day there's just a squad of geese, like 30 geese. And they cross the road. I don't know why these motherfuckers don't fly.
Starting point is 00:28:25 Right. And every day there's almost like a goose coordinator. There's a different guy. Somebody will get out of their car and just ho, ho. Everybody stop. Everybody stop. I hate geese. And they walk across.
Starting point is 00:28:34 They could fly. Yeah. But they're making a statement. They are making a statement. They know they got us. They shit so much. So much. You guys are around geese enough?
Starting point is 00:28:43 I'm around geese a lot. If you go to a pond that has a lot of geese, you can't walk on the bank. You can't walk anywhere near it. There's shit everywhere. And it's stinky shit. And slippery, too. You bet I fucking played with that shit.
Starting point is 00:28:56 You played with the geese? I'm just doing up the butthole thing. You're feeding into the chat. Ducks are lovely. Ducks are my favorite animal. Ducks are great. Except. And they taste amazing. You're feeding into the chat. Ducks are lovely, and I'll say that twice. Ducks are my favorite animal. Ducks are great. Except. And they taste amazing.
Starting point is 00:29:08 Quirk screw penis. Quirk screw penis. They had to get rid of the ducks next to my house. Why? I might be doxing myself. There's a duck coop by my house. There's a lot of ducks.
Starting point is 00:29:17 There's a duck coop by my house, but they were sharing it with chickens, and the ducks raped the chickens. The ducks raped the chickens. Yeah, ducks will do that. They had to put up a sign. Duck will rape a chicken. Cheese and Quackers had to put up a sign. Duck will rape a chicken. Cheese and Quackers had to go to a different farm
Starting point is 00:29:28 due to rape. And the chickens were wearing a vest because they got their feathers raped out. So are the ducks moved on to a new farm to rape new chickens? No, I think they're just going to be with their own kind. Do they rape each other?
Starting point is 00:29:49 Listen, I don't know. Geese and ducks, that's what we're on right now. Oh, yeah? Yeah, we had a duck rape a chicken. There's a chicken coop in the vicinity of my neighborhood. I'm like four blocks away from it. How big? It's a decent sized coop.
Starting point is 00:30:07 Chickens have a shit life. They get tortured. But they're dumb as hell. They're dumb as all hell. All other birds are smart. Turkeys are dumb, but ducks? Smart. Any parakeet, macaw, yesterday's wordle.
Starting point is 00:30:23 Are they smart? I guess they're smart. they just i guess they're smart they're not they don't know they're saying a word they're just repeating a pattern correct what i have a dumb question about that like what a chick like what is going on in a chicken's head not much they just think of food is it just like where's food the entire they're like fish tiny brains i don't know how even we could figure that out. Yeah. I guess you're right. Not be goddamn.
Starting point is 00:30:49 Is it like I have to shit? That's it. Yeah. Pretty much the same as us. If you see a family of ducks and or geese crossing a fairly non-crowded highway, maybe like 25% filled, what's the move? Is it fully stop or do you kind of um gotta plow through che i'd like to ask how close of attention you're paying to the today's show well you said that on like a country we're like by yourself so like you know rose where there's pretty easy to stop
Starting point is 00:31:15 no it's on a highway oh it's on a highway yeah it's on the highway leading out of town going to the interstate figure let me revise the interstate interstate the the i think the geese are kind of on their own uh any highway that's two lanes or any highway that's that has like red lights and stop signs i think you can stop for geese interstate has no interstate has no stops you're saying do you just mow down i don't know if you mow them down but also geese are smart enough not to be on interstate i feel I feel like. Are they? Yeah. I think so. I think they're cocky.
Starting point is 00:31:48 One of the worst. I ran over a turtle on the New Jersey Parkway once in my dad's minivan, and I still think about it. I hit a deer on the way up to school once. I hit a raccoon. I used to stop and get turtles out of the road. I would have, but I... You didn't see him? No. It was nighttime.
Starting point is 00:32:00 Yeah. It was too late. There was a family of ducks crossing once on the kit you might know the long beach island like causeway yeah um so it's like 65 or 55 or 65 there's pretty fast there is a light occasionally but it's pretty fast moving and there is a family of ducks crossing wasn't very crowded when i was a teenager i think and i only came to a full stop and people were like swerving behind me and cursing at me and all that stuff. But some geese got plowed down by other people. Damn.
Starting point is 00:32:27 Damn. You're a hero. I don't know what the right move is. I honestly don't know what I'm doing. The rule is never slow down on the interstate. That's what traffic jams are for. You have to pummel. But it's also, you're allowed to slow down for dogs, but you can't for cats.
Starting point is 00:32:40 I think cats are like run overable in the eyes of the law. Maybe I saw that on a show. Well, dogs. I think you're allowed to slow down for dogs. Cats, no. I'm slowing down for a cat 100% of the time. I'm speeding up. Cat gets on the interstate, I might just shield it with my car and get that damn thing off.
Starting point is 00:32:58 I had a dream you found a kitten last night. God damn it, that's a great dream. What, orange? Can dog people at least admit that little kittens clear all animals yes thank you especially that's all i need especially the sound they make no no i i would kitties over puppies you won't get that puppies are good too i don't think there's nothing as adorable kitties are elite no they have the smallest little face have you ever had one curl up on your chest? A little kitten?
Starting point is 00:33:25 Puppies are undefeated. Puppies never lost. Yeah, puppies. Puppies never lost. I'm a dog guy. I don't like cats. I'm a kitten guy. Kittens get me.
Starting point is 00:33:34 I think kittens are the best. I like kittens, but I think you're disrespecting puppies a little bit. Imagine somebody walked in and- It's crazy coming from you, Kyle, honestly. I'm not like you. When you put it that way, I'm now on your side. I'd like a box of kittens for this office. Puppies are still the best.
Starting point is 00:33:50 And then when they grow up a little bit, we kill them and get new kittens. That's what you do. We could just get a cat walking around here, right? Yeah. There's bodegas, all sorts of stores have a cat. Why couldn't we have a cat? We have cats in the back, for sure.
Starting point is 00:34:06 Has to. There are cats living behind this building, for sure. I almost want to just send some... Maybe not. First intern to find a cat? Or first person to find a cat. Or just send somebody out and they can't come back until they find a cat.
Starting point is 00:34:21 Let's go on a cat hunt. What if we just released a cat in the office? Nothing would happen. It would be awesome. There'd just be a cat in here. Tom Leia has one come back until they find a cat. What if we just go on a cat hunt? What if we just released a cat in the office? Nothing would happen. It would be awesome. There'd just be a cat in here. Tom Leia has one. Tom Leia has a cat? He brought it in here for an episode once.
Starting point is 00:34:30 Mika. He's a cat guy? Yep. He's a good cat guy. I'd love to be a cat guy. Yeah, cat guys don't feel the need to flaunt their pets. It's because they enjoy it in private. No, it's because it's in Paris.
Starting point is 00:34:42 Kyle, you have a whole room dedicated to this. It's the majority of your conversations. I'm deathly allergic, which is unfortunate. I'm allergic. I'm deathly allergic to sussine choline, a general anesthetic that they were going to use on me today. Your little burps. If I hadn't.
Starting point is 00:35:01 So how close were you to coma? I was laying down like this. Like calm? With my bonnet how close were you to coma? I was in the, I was laying down like this. Like calm? With my bonnet on. Were you mentally prepared? I was so excited. Like I wanted to like,
Starting point is 00:35:13 yeah, relax, go under, wake up. And now my stomach is gurgling. Oh no. Oh, because you couldn't eat. Hi. What do we got here? Tom Lee's cat Mika. Oh, cute.
Starting point is 00:35:32 Wait, cats don't like water oh what a goofball they they're cute they love water they just don't like getting wet it makes sense that is a cute cat that loves getting close to it i you love cats i love cats tommy's, so I can't have a cat or a dog. But growing up, we would have three or four cats at a time. That's too many. No, that's the right amount. Were they outside cats? When you live in the country, they're inside cats that you let outside, and then they can just go out in the woods and do whatever.
Starting point is 00:35:57 Did you have a litter box in your house? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I had a litter box in my house. That's disgusting as fuck. It is. I imagine you had a very small house. Standard three three bedroom too bad okay uh but cats don't get enough credit for how much their shit stinks oh it's a shitty it's a shitty smell yep a really bad smell does yours
Starting point is 00:36:16 use that robot kyle yeah is that pretty good yeah it's great they're unnecessarily huge they're too big. Cats or robots? And you still smell it. Really? So it's just like technologically efficient. You smell it bad. Yeah, horrible shit. Dogs will just, you have to like watch them shit and piss like how many times a day?
Starting point is 00:36:39 Three. Three at least. I don't have to watch my cat. Yeah, cats can shit on their own. Yeah. They can go handle their own shit and cover it up. Dog, you have to kind of be there with them. It is interesting how picking up dog shit, walking your dog is extremely normalized.
Starting point is 00:36:53 Yeah. Like you're just picking up shit. Nobody's bothered by that. No. Because it's their own dog. Yeah. It's still shit. It's still gross as fuck.
Starting point is 00:36:59 And it's hot. It's always hot. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Same from the inside. What do you got, Brandon? We got a new advertiser today. We've had them before.
Starting point is 00:37:13 We have them? Is it one of the products I love? Yeah. Is it? You love these? Yeah. What is it? Mando.
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Starting point is 00:37:34 Tell me about it. Masculine, too. You can also use it to create a rich shaving lather, so technically it's a 5-in-1. It's clinically proven to control odor for 24 hours. Mando's 4-in-1 Acidified Cleansing Bar is formulated with a gentle alpha-hydroxy acid one it's clinically proven to control odor for 24 hours mando's four in one acidified cleansing bar is formulated with a gentle alpha hydroxy acid that stops odor at the source this simplifies your hygiene routine and it's the only thing you really need to pack uh their starter pack is perfect mando's starter pack is perfect for new customers it comes with a solid stick deodorant
Starting point is 00:38:00 cream tube deodorant two free products of your choice like mini body wash and deodorant, cream tube deodorant, two free products of your choice like mini body wash and deodorant wipes, and free shipping. All this smells delicious. This one's Mount Fuji. I think it's my favorite. Really? Yeah. You love Asian things. I guess I do.
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Starting point is 00:38:39 And the plane, baby. Got it. We got there. Yeah, yeah. Oh, sorry. I went 10 minutes over gauntlet time yes tim hitchings tim get your fucking ass out here mr hitchens oh uh titus is clenching his fist. Tim. Have a seat for a second, Tim. Looking skinny.
Starting point is 00:39:08 Looking good as hell. I like beer. Little bottle cap hat. TJ said we were doing the case race today. Oh, damn. All right, fuck it. Let's do it. We could, yeah.
Starting point is 00:39:20 Do you want a beer? TJ gave me a four-pack earlier today. Pop it. I haven't popped it. Before trying to do that, no. Well, I heard you've been training. Yes, I have. Is it basketball or what?
Starting point is 00:39:33 TJ's got a basketball court at his apartment complex. I threw a couple of basketballs at the hoop and managed to get a couple in. There we go. Three-pointers? It'll be good. Yes, of course. What else would you shoot? Come on, Nick. Anything else. It's yak basketball. You're right. That's all we have. My mistake. Three-pointers? You'll be good. Yes, of course. Okay. What else would you shoot? Come on, Nick.
Starting point is 00:39:45 Anything else. It's yak basketball. You're right. That's all we have. My mistake. Three-pointers? I knew you were going to fucking embarrass me in front of Tim Hitchings. Yeah, I fucked up.
Starting point is 00:39:52 How so? I'm subbing out. So, gauntlet time. Sub three minutes is considered good, I think. Look, I just want to beat Jeff D'Lo's score, okay? All right. He's here. And I'd like to ask for the senior discount.
Starting point is 00:40:05 I am 67. Oh, the new oldest. Is that the oldest? So 64 was the oldest? Blutman was 64. Did Blutman run it? Blutman's 64. Stu was 63.
Starting point is 00:40:17 That's right. I'm going to hold the new record for oldest contestant, right? Who's the youngest ever? We've got to get a 90-year-old. Maxine the Corrigan. That was-old. Maxine the Corgi. Probably Sass. Maxine the Corgi. Oh, how old was Maxine?
Starting point is 00:40:29 I guess dog years. I want to say it. I like Maxine the Corgi a lot. I didn't... I'm scared to do it. Didn't count as her doing it. I don't think she did it. I don't think she did it.
Starting point is 00:40:38 I think the human was doing it. She was along for the ride. Yeah. I don't think it was Maxine. She didn't shoot any shots. Virtually nothing. Yeah. All right, Tim.
Starting point is 00:40:47 It's also not her climbing those cliffs. Are you going to come out and guide me? I got you. That's Jared Leto. I only trust you out there. Yeah, you watch every day. I don't have to tell you right now. No, just make sure somebody fetches the soccer balls.
Starting point is 00:40:58 I don't want to see those flying all over the place. No, you really don't. Come on. He's got a belly full of chicken Vesuvio from last night. How was it? Got us chicken. Chicken Vesuvio from last night. How was it? Got us chicken. Chicken Vesuvio was awesome. Do you take all your recommendations from Dante?
Starting point is 00:41:10 That's the only one I've gotten so far, but sure, I'll take another one. What do you got? Question everything and don't get vaccinated? Too late. You might need to take the towel whip for now. Oh, yeah. I will take the towel whip for now. Oh, yeah. I will take the towel whip, sure.
Starting point is 00:41:28 With his permission. I think Dante would probably grant that. No. Then he'd owe me something, wouldn't he? And we should make sexy granny do it. Oh, Jesus Christ. What are you, your dirty grandpa? I always called my grandparents Grammy and Grampy.
Starting point is 00:41:48 Okay. Yeah, but we got a plan for the future. Kyle, is that sexual to you? Grampy? Oh, that's fine. Thank you. All right, Tim, let's go. All right.
Starting point is 00:42:02 I think he's going to do under four minutes and 30 seconds. Basketball is the one that keeps getting brought up with him. So there must be a reason for that. Oh, what a shirt. He always meant that. What a shirt. What a shirt. Oh, I hate Malisette.
Starting point is 00:42:20 Oh. Nod to the goalie there. Soak it all up. Is Lucas out here too short a short? Oh, get him out of here. Lucas. Look at those things. His excuse for his shorts is like, I haven't bought shorts in so long.
Starting point is 00:42:41 Those are new. Oh, yeah. What's the excuse this time? What's the excuse? That's getting you sent home from Catholic school. Oh, yeah. Why are your legs shaved?
Starting point is 00:42:55 Yeah, wait, why? Okay. They do look great. You look like you're canvassing for Jerry that's exactly what's wow that's a good shirt they look good nice set of stems
Starting point is 00:43:16 what an odd bird yeah yeah he is I'd rather be called awful things than an odd bird yeah countdown tj we ready yeah cameras are a little out of place because of summer games okay okay we will deal with it we'll deal with it ready This is our camera. Ready. Okay. Tim, whenever you're ready. Three, two, one. Let's go, Beast. And that's a wrap.
Starting point is 00:43:50 Oh, he's going fast. Jeff D'Lo. Uh-oh. Oh, he's way to the left. He's missing the board. Oh, heavens. Mr. Hitchings. Missing the board, I fear.
Starting point is 00:44:02 Oh. This has to be his worst nightmare. Has to be. Oh, my God. He's inks. Missing the board, I fear. Oh. This has to be his worst nightmare. Has to be. Oh, my God. He's in hell. Oh, my God. Oh, it went in. Didn't it?
Starting point is 00:44:11 No. It went over the board, Nick. Oh, shit. I got a bad angle. Reckless of band. Oh, man. Lock in. Take your time.
Starting point is 00:44:20 That's it. Got it. Oh, come on. Can I not go? Oh, boy. He'll make it up. It's getting closer. There it is.
Starting point is 00:44:34 Yay! Oh, a double bag. Good for him. Cheeky cheeky. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. He's lost a lot of weight Yeah Finish
Starting point is 00:44:52 Oh Baseball Oh Well fuck Easy I hope when I'm 67 Oh! Yeah! Well, fuck. Easy. I hope when I'm 67 I can still move. Yeah, fuck. Like this.
Starting point is 00:45:12 Uh-oh. Yeah! Good strat. Doing great. Here we go. Oh, he'll be all right. Yeah. He's fine.
Starting point is 00:45:28 And he's like a knowledgeable, sparkle-type guy. He'll be just fine. Yeah, you hit the second one. It made it seem like basketball was going to give him fits. Get him. Okay.
Starting point is 00:45:47 Does have a foot on the line. I'll allow it. There we go. Yeah. Just over two minutes. Crushing it. Most expensive porn filmed in 2005. I know exactly what it is yes i swear to god i do
Starting point is 00:46:08 luke i think tim does too hitting something over and not uh volleyball table tennis Shapes of... Oh, you're kidding me. Sides of a boat. Stern. Aft. Starboard. Port. Lifts in a big three routine.
Starting point is 00:46:40 I don't know. Jerk. Sheldon Cooper. Purple sports teams, NBA, NFL, MLB. I don't collect purple hats. Vikings. Colorado Rockies. Two more.
Starting point is 00:47:02 Pride and Prejudice. I should know that. That's my wife's favorite movie Green Mile is Stephen King Let's go Old Man and Should know that too right Shapes of Heels What the hell is Shapes of Heels
Starting point is 00:47:21 Robin Williams Two TV shows featuring the character Sheldon Cooper. Most expensive porn films. Nah, I don't know anything about porn. Sheldon. Sheldon Cooper. I can't think of the names right now. You can draw a blank on this.
Starting point is 00:47:38 I didn't get it. Lifts. Port, Starboard, Stern, Aft. AFT-J. That's stern. What's the front of the boat? The pointy part? Bow.
Starting point is 00:47:54 Yep. Time. 407. You're telling me you don't know the Big Bang Theory? I forgot. You space out in the show. Oh, yeah. I do, yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:03 That wasn't bad. 407, not bad at all. It's better than Jeff D. Lowe. That's all I ask for. Oh, yeah. I do, yeah. That wasn't bad. 407, not bad at all. It's better than Jeff D. Lowe. That's all I ask for. Significantly. It's a great time. You didn't get no Robin Williams movies? They just, you know, you space out when you're sitting.
Starting point is 00:48:13 The pressure. Yeah, Good Will Hunting. Yeah. You did great. Well done. You made it seem like basketball was going to take forever. Yeah, I thought it was. You did fine.
Starting point is 00:48:24 I mean, my form sucks, but, you know, we can talk about that later. I thought it was. My form sucks, but we can talk about that later. Off air, maybe. Give me a pointer or two. Are you talking to Brandon? Did you see yesterday? Big customer. No, I didn't watch that. Okay, well, fuck you then. Alright.
Starting point is 00:48:39 Your cornhole was embarrassing. Oh yeah, it was. Is that the one thing you didn't practice? That's the one thing I didn't practice. There it is. Let that be a lesson for all the kiddos out there. I didn't practice soccer either, but I thought this would help. Nice distraction. A fantastic shirt.
Starting point is 00:48:52 Thank you. Thank you. Are we selling those, or is that custom? We should sell those. Jake Malasek bucks his dog. Can I text Pilar? Yeah. Let's get that in the store.'s for one day black friday special when's the last time you had on a new untold story when's the last time you guys pitched
Starting point is 00:49:13 shirts to polar since we were in new york i think yeah you need to throw you need to throw a couple malicek ideas yeah yeah i don't know if we have any merch in the store right now no we got wiped did we get wiped we have the um until Bitch in there, but everything else is gone. Okay, that's fine. That's your best piece. By far. We're doing one for each holiday. All right.
Starting point is 00:49:36 Who in this office do you not trust? Good question. Why wouldn't I trust anybody in this office? No, there's people. You consume content. I feel like you know the Barstool landscape better than us. What do you consider trusting, like letting somebody house sit? Someone you wouldn't let date your...
Starting point is 00:49:54 My daughter that I don't have. If you did that. I have a son, right? Yeah. Okay. Who wouldn't I trust dating my son? Right. Yes.
Starting point is 00:50:04 I can't think of anybody. Oh, come on. So he can date anybody here? Absolutely. Nikki Smokes would give him. Oh, Nikki Smokes. Oh, yeah, yeah. I could make you a sexy grandma and grandpa real quick.
Starting point is 00:50:15 Oh. Very fertile. No, I already have two kids. Oh. Oh. Damn. I thought he was going to impregnate you. No.
Starting point is 00:50:23 My bad. Sometimes I forget you're a mother I'm kidding That was mean I'm sorry It's okay me too Every time you go in the grocery store Yeah Jesus loves you
Starting point is 00:50:38 Kyle needs a grocery shop for you Oh I forgot about that We've been hungry What other things do we need to clean up? 12 hour run to Iran. Mook slumber party. Dante's towel whip.
Starting point is 00:50:53 Dante's towel whip, lest we forget. We should have just, with Big Cat out, we should have knocked all of them out. We should just try to beat his record. The Gaunt his record? Keep going. Just keep going over and over.
Starting point is 00:51:09 Yeah. Quit when we know we lost the chance. We should beat his record. So as soon as you fall behind pace, just bail out. Yeah. Yeah. Who feels comfortable giving the try? I think you should start.
Starting point is 00:51:19 You're the best. Hey, you're hot. You're the best shot. One of you has to go tell Stefan that because he's about to start setting up for summer games. Oh, I don't want to get the exhale. Oh, the big exhale. That of you has to go tell Stefan that because he's about to start setting up for summer games. Oh, I don't want to get the exhale. Oh, the big exhale. That would be one of the biggest.
Starting point is 00:51:29 Wait, they're doing handball. Nothing they're doing today requires big setup, does it? No. Can I say there's one activity that is... How can you do a triathlon if you don't have water? Are we actually doing a triathlon? I mean, have any of them actually been anything like real sports? We did archery.
Starting point is 00:51:48 We're going to run another couple of gauntlets. Throwing a ball. What was that? Seven, I'm not kidding. The man about to snap. I need that gift. We've got to run a couple more gauntlets. What does that mean?
Starting point is 00:52:04 He just asked me if he could set up for it. I know, but we just decided we're going to do a gauntlet. Brennan, please stop. No, bro. Yeah, let's just do the gauntlet. We have time. We got time. It's not going to interfere with anything.
Starting point is 00:52:17 Right? It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. What's the – Stefan, be honest. What's the setup? You got to move the nets?
Starting point is 00:52:24 Mostly sports is going to have some issues tomorrow he hates everybody here not me yeah because you just you you won't confront him i live i'm a coward yeah i see him from time to time um out in the neighborhood delightful guy yeah delightful guy and it like throws me off like i see him i'm walking the dog and i see steph and i'm like what's up you stupid fucking piece of shit and then he's just like hi mark how are you morning whoa and then i feel like a bad person and then you see him here i see him here and then i'm like i saw him the other day so now i'll be nice to him and then he's he really is crazy he's how he switches he's professionally miserable yeah he's professionally miserable he's a good dude good dude outside of the yeah he's not a bad dude here.
Starting point is 00:53:05 No, he's... He just hates all of us. Well, he has a high-stress job. He's flustered. Tim, do you want to give anyone flowers? Pay your respects? Mm-hmm. Why?
Starting point is 00:53:18 Who died? No, no, just... Just, like, someone you want to talk up. Give them props. Oh, what is that in there? No, someone at Barstow. Like, jargon or something? Someone you want to talk up. Give them props. Oh, what is that in that? No, someone at Barstool. Like jargon or something? It is.
Starting point is 00:53:29 Flowers. Flowers. Who do you want to give credit to? Is that like rizzing them up? Yeah, you want to... More like complimenting. Like, who deserves some praise? Who's like an unsung hero?
Starting point is 00:53:41 You're putting me on the spot. Yeah, but you're a huge consumer of the product. We don't often get to... Oh, yeah. What's something that's come out that's been like, oh, this is good? I was expecting this to be dog shit. Brandon's three-pointer the other day.
Starting point is 00:53:52 There you go. Absolutely. It was yesterday. You previously said you didn't watch it. Well, Mook's pass was better. There we go. It was a good pass. I texted you last night.
Starting point is 00:54:00 You shoot three-pointers all the time. How often does he pass? Every day. Yeah. I pass a lot. How often does he pass? Every day. Yeah. I pass a lot. Well, how often does he actually make the pass? No, not often. And I don't shoot.
Starting point is 00:54:11 I haven't shot in months. I walk in the morning, and I do a lot of heavy lifting. Heavy lifting. You have a beautiful stroke, Brandon. Thank you very much. I appreciate that. All right. Go, Brandon.
Starting point is 00:54:22 Thank you, Mark. Go do the thing. So, I'm starting it, and if I fall off pace, I just bail out? Yeah. You've got to get the Cornell fast. Cornell has to be the first one. But don't worry about Cornell too much. All right.
Starting point is 00:54:34 All right. Who's going to go after me if I – You're going to do a bunch, then we'll decide. I've got to get to the airport. Okay. This seems like it's just a setup for – No, I'll do it. I'll do it.
Starting point is 00:54:42 Yeah, I'll do it. All right. Yeah. Brandon, try – I'm not doing it again. Why don't we open it. I'll do it. Yeah, I'll do it. Brandon, I'm not doing it again. Why don't we open up? It's fine. We'll find others to do it. Okay.
Starting point is 00:54:49 We're just going after the record. We're going after the record. We're beating just trying to. Let's be honest. It has to be either me or Kyle or Titus. I have a better score than you. It has to be one of us three, right? Who are the top five people?
Starting point is 00:55:00 Oh, I had your fucking back. It has to be one of us fucking three. You said you were going to the airport. I do. I'm in Birkenstocks, too. We should give Ebo another spin. His first. Should give Ebo.
Starting point is 00:55:10 His first go through is pretty good. Just run that boy. Che, it was a good time. Call Greg Olson. You'll come by, right? Yeah, wait. Kyle doesn't have a good time at all. Yeah, but Kyle's got a good time, isn't he?
Starting point is 00:55:22 Actually, do you have a good time? No. No, what is this about? A better time? Why do we have to say that? Well, 229's a good-ass time. Yeah, but it's got an asterisk next to it. What was the asterisk? Probably means Jake wasn't here.
Starting point is 00:55:35 Oh. I don't know. Damn. We don't do a good job of denoting what our asterisk means. What do you mean by we? No, they're all down at the bottom. TJ does. Doesn't he have a legend at the bottom of the list? You're going to take a member today? Yeah, absolutely. He's my son. Alright, well.
Starting point is 00:55:52 See? Wearing a cape. Oh, so KB was wearing a cape? That's harder. Where's my asterisk? Oh, senior division. Nice. I thought you were going to start using ages maybe because there's a few other older gentlemen.
Starting point is 00:56:07 What should Senior Division be? 60 up? 45 and up. Is that what the PGA Tour does? What's PGA Tour? PGA is 50. Okay. I think 55 and up.
Starting point is 00:56:15 55 and up? That's when the communities start. 55 and up communities. 55 and up. When can you start getting discounted meals? I think 55. Yeah, 55. 55 seems early for discounting meals. When can you join AARed meals? I think 55. Yeah, 55. 55 seems early for discounting meals.
Starting point is 00:56:27 When can you join AARP? I think that's 55 as well. Or is that 65? 65. You should know these things. It's like, I think I got the invite when I was in my 50s. I think they just throw them out there randomly. What's 62?
Starting point is 00:56:40 Social security or something? I think you can sign up for 60. 50? 50? God damn. 62 you can start If you want to yeah if you're still Working you don't want to do you have to be an RP to Be an ARP no no What's RP retired Persons right
Starting point is 00:56:56 Retired Okay Brandon go I'm sorry hurry No, hurry. Come on. Hurry, Brandon, hurry. Break the record so Stephan isn't so mad. All right, quit taking a round. Lock in.
Starting point is 00:57:15 Am I trying or not? Jake says, am I trying? Three. Clock is set two wait tj you ready tj's ready so brennan three two one come on oh wow stop stop stop stop stop stop stop, stop. Not so easy, is it? What do you think? 15, 10 seconds? It has to be first throw. I think under 10. This is so short, though. This is the shortest one.
Starting point is 00:57:51 First three throws. Give him three. Reset. Reset. All right. There is going to be people saying this is multiple runs in one day. Nah, those people are actually wrong. Let him say whatever they want.
Starting point is 00:58:01 It doesn't matter. Because he's not doing a full run. This is an experiment. Okay. Who cares? Three, two, one. There we go. Go, go, go.
Starting point is 00:58:12 Go. I'm going to get this. Sassy, sassy, sassy. What? Had to have that, I think. I feel like you had to have that. Yeah, no. You got to get it on the first try.
Starting point is 00:58:24 Start over. Shit. Yeah, come back. got to get it on the first try. Start over. Shit. Yeah, come back. This ain't going to work. We got to rotate people in, maybe. Yeah. He's not tired, is he? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:35 Yeah, he's a little windy. What? I don't remember that run at all. Yeah, neither do I. Big Cat's had a lot of runs. How can you remember? Well, he eats pretty poorly. Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 00:58:50 Mm-hmm. Ready, TJ? Yep. All right. Three, two, one, go. Oh, no. Yes! Go, Ty. There we go. Second shot,, go. Oh, no. Go, go, go. Go, Ty.
Starting point is 00:59:06 There you go. Second shot. Good one. Oh. No, you can't fall through until you get rid of the balls. Let's go. Oh, too much. Malzak, you could play ball a little bit here.
Starting point is 00:59:19 There it is. Good shot. You're at 20. Oh, no. I got it on the first. No, slow down. There it is. Alright, football. Oh no. Shit. Yeah, it looks like it counts.
Starting point is 00:59:32 What's happening over there? Dirty. You should be out. Okay, okay. Need it. Yes, go, go. He's bringing one. He's bringing one. Get in here. Sparkle, go, go! He's bringing one. He's bringing one. Get in!
Starting point is 00:59:46 Get in here! Marco, Marco, let's go! 10 best Arnold Schwarzenegger movies. Predator. Yes. Terminator. Mark Cuban. No, Kevin O'Leary.
Starting point is 00:59:58 Fucking... Pipe TJ! Highest grossing coffee chain. Illinois, California. Folgers. No, that's Starbucks. That's Starbucks. Coffee chains.
Starting point is 01:00:11 Coffee, cafe chains, Starbucks. Tiger Woods. Nicholas. Berries that don't have the word berry in them. Hiroshima. Nagasaki. Fuck! Investors in Shark Tank. Uh.
Starting point is 01:00:31 Uh, Entourage. Entourage! Entourage! Entourage! 135. That's T. Could have been. 127. All right. Wow. Good effort. That's a Could have been 127 Alright wow
Starting point is 01:00:46 Good effort That's a good effort That's good for second place Titus So close Was that your That was your first attempt right? So Che should be next He was third right?
Starting point is 01:00:57 Oh so that was just natural Is Steven going next? I guess Mook's going Mook's going? Mook get permission from Tim please What? Mr. Wow No Tim Fuck That was fun He's gonna call you Mr. Hitchens Go for it Mook's gone. Mook's gone? Mook, get permission from Tim, please. What? Wow.
Starting point is 01:01:06 No, Tim. Fuck. That was fun. He's going to call you, Mr. Hitchens. Go for it. Do you think... TJ, are you ready? What? Do you think Brandon Walker being out there to authorize some of those
Starting point is 01:01:17 wiffle balls could have shit his mind off? Yes, absolutely. He's a very good guy. Absolutely. I didn't know. I thought you should have been clear. This is a Sporkle game. It's going to come down to Sporkle.
Starting point is 01:01:28 I hit him. That's random. You never know what's going to come up for categories. But you've got to be strategic with the categories. You'll find something that TJ can spell, too. Talk some more shit on your boy. What else? What else don't you like about him?
Starting point is 01:01:43 Luke's confident from this crossover. I need him to be really taken down a peg. I don't... Oh, yeah. Luke's confident from this crossover. I need him to be really taken down a peg. I don't... He's being a douche. Yeah, he's being a douchebag. I'll go. We know who... Never fear. Never fear, coworkers. You're almost at 24
Starting point is 01:02:02 hours. As soon as you're past 24 hours, you're probably going to really hurt yourself. Yeah. You ready, TJ? He's wearing NBA socks today, by the way. How can you tell? He's got the little logo on him.
Starting point is 01:02:17 Mmm. You a big diner guy? New Jersey has some of the best diners in the country. Absolutely. Absolutely. Diner culture. I used to be a great brunch and breakfast guy, but since I'm following TJ's example as far as exercise and diet.
Starting point is 01:02:37 Somebody want to count him down? Brandon, that's a lot of legs. Nick? Three, two, one. Here we go. What? Yeah, these days I don't know. No.
Starting point is 01:02:47 Not before three or four o'clock. Yeah. Are you starving yourself, though? And he's done. You feel good? I feel good. Hell yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:02:57 You guys set good examples and supported him. I'd like to get down to the weight he's at. Got a ways to go, and it's a little tougher when you're old. You actually want to get down that low? I'd like to get under 200. Yeah. Wow. Okay. Three, two, one, go. Oh. Che, get in there. Yeah, it's got to be quiet. I don't want to. Welcome back Yeah I'm back to being depressed and sad Why don't you challenge Titus to one on one
Starting point is 01:03:33 You really want my life to end No no I want you to cross him up Cross me up Titus tears his Achilles For real Ready TJ What time is it no not yet three two one oh slow oh what's he doing
Starting point is 01:03:55 oh go go no no start over do the best that, yeah. That's crazy. Not a sliver of hope. Can't plug it like that too soon. I got followed by an account called Barstool Minions on Instagram. Me too. I followed him back. Some really fucking good shit. TJ, you set?
Starting point is 01:04:24 Nick? Tim, you set? Yep. Nick? Tim, you take it. Che? Three, two, one, go. Come on, Che. Go. There it is. Come on.
Starting point is 01:04:38 Come on, Che. Oh, close. Oh, how pissed would Big Cat be? Come on. Come on. Yeah, Che would be perfect. He needs to get this. Finish.
Starting point is 01:04:50 Oh, where's the balls? I think you got to keep going. Yeah, we're quitting too early. You're quitting too early. You had plenty of time. You can always make it back up. You've got to beat a basketball by like 30 seconds. Well, you missed
Starting point is 01:05:06 soccer twice and baseball. I missed all three. And you still had enough time at Sporkle. But you did make it with basketballs, which is huge. I hit my first football and first basketball. That's massive. Football was huge. It almost has to be first football. First football's a must.
Starting point is 01:05:23 Where did I... Are we done? We giving up?. Where did I? How did I? Are we done? We giving up? Brandon, what happened? How did I not get that? There were some typing issues. There was the wiffle ball and the typing.
Starting point is 01:05:33 You got Terminator, but not Terminator 2. No, it's Predator. I think you could have ran the festivals, too, a little more. The governors. I was saying something every... Yeah. I wasn't... If we quit...
Starting point is 01:05:48 I'm studying the tape back in my head, and I don't know how to... The wiffle ball was the one. I hit a couple that I thought were dingers, but I wasn't sure. I didn't technically go over the... I think it's that, and I think one avenue we haven't discussed
Starting point is 01:06:01 is going back and finding holes in Big Cat's routine, because Malicek probably just laid down for Big Cat. Let's not do that i want to re-watch big cat yeah same big cat had a lot of reps too it's not like that was his top score that was one of his first right away was it yeah he also came up with it we're just gonna make him look like more of a god by trying this and failing i guess you're're right. I guess you're fucking right. This is selfish and dumb and no one wants to see it, but I'm just curious to see how much I could do. Have you ever done it?
Starting point is 01:06:32 No. I've never done it. Why don't you just run it for the first time? I want to just give it a whirl. I fucked up the cornhole last time. Look at the sad people being confident today. I love this. Well, I don't even like the way you're walking. All right, let's talk about Lucy. Lucy is the obvious choice for the true nicotine pouch connoisseurs. That's why they're the official nicotine pouch
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Starting point is 01:08:01 You got to wait. Wait, TJ's not set yet. I don't see the timer. That's the absolute fastest I got. In fact, I might retire. TJ, you ready? I might retire from the... Okay.
Starting point is 01:08:11 Kate? I'll never do better than that. Three, two, one, go. Come on, Kate. There you go. Oh, nice. There you go. Oh, nice. Oh. Oh.
Starting point is 01:08:35 There it is. There you go. Wow. Oh. Oh. Bad pitch. Yeah. Well, we're not trying to beat Big Cat's score here, right? Still on pace. Oh. Oh. Bad pitch. Yeah. Well, we're not trying to beat Big Cat's score.
Starting point is 01:08:46 Still on pace. Oh. Hey. The what? This is crazy. What? Yeah. Works.
Starting point is 01:08:56 Whatever works. You're at 40. Yeah, I think the rugby underhand method is the way to go with the football. I don't know. It's lower. Yeah, maybe. It rugby underhand method is the way to go with the football. I don't know. It's lower. Yeah, maybe. It's cocaine. The floor, it's levels straight across.
Starting point is 01:09:10 You remember Jeremy Ito? No. Yeah. Rucker's kicker. Oh, yeah. Oh, she's got a... Oh, really good. There you go.
Starting point is 01:09:24 Oh, yes. Oh, she's got a... Oh! She's doing really well. There you go. Hell yes, Kate. Oh, yes. She's gonna beat my time easily. She's crossing. Yes, Kate! Oh, my God. Awesome, Kate! Holy shit.
Starting point is 01:09:35 Give her a mic. You need a mic? Yeah, you... Mic, mic. Hello. Viola. Violin. Three sides of a right triangle. Four is Pokemon. Poison. Fuck. John C. Farrell. John C. Violin. Three sides of a great triangle.
Starting point is 01:09:46 Pokemon. Poison. Fuck. John C. Farrell. John C. Reilly. Walk the line. No, that's fucked. Richard Mooney.
Starting point is 01:09:52 Not in rest. What the fuck? Ridley Scott movies. Who the fuck's Ridley Scott? Director. Oh, Ten Names of the Wife. Ryan Reynolds. Blake Lively.
Starting point is 01:10:01 Kutcher. Ashton Kutcher. She's the voice on Family Guy. Will Ferrell movies oh she's her daughter is Kate Hudson Goldie Hawn Javier Freddy Prince Jr.
Starting point is 01:10:12 fuck Blake Sheldon B-A-N-A-N-A-S what the fuck John Legend Chrissy Teigen Nick Jonas fuck me I'm too dumb
Starting point is 01:10:21 no you're not relax we all go through three right sides of a right triangle Three right sides of a right triangle. Name three right triangles. Obtuse. Acute. I'm so dumb.
Starting point is 01:10:33 What the fuck's AFC West? Oakland Raiders. Let's go. Okay, Vegas Raiders. The lightning bolts. The Chargers. Yeah. The... Coke. Fuck. John Ciro. Oh, oh. The Chargers. Yeah. The.
Starting point is 01:10:46 Coke. Fuck. John C. Oh, oh, Talladega Nights. Yeah. Walk hard. He's still spelling Talladega. Shit.
Starting point is 01:10:59 Walk hard. You know another one. Talladega Nights. The Ballad. Isn't Walk Hard one of them? No. Oh, Anchorman. How much more do I have to do?
Starting point is 01:11:10 One more. One more answer. Anchorman wasn't one? Finishing moves for wrestlers, any? Actor in Bucky Larson, born to be a star? Oh, I'm so dumb. No, this is a tough sporkle. Sides of a right triangle.
Starting point is 01:11:24 Why isn't this working for me? Prestige worldwide. 90 degrees. Fuck, this is a tough Sporkle. Sides of a right triangle. Why isn't this working for me? Prestige worldwide. 90 degrees. Fuck, I lost it. Blake Lively, John Krasinski, Kurt Russell, Ashton Kutcher, Mila Kunis. Yeah. There you go. Am I done?
Starting point is 01:11:34 There you go. There you go. Awesome. Really good run. Kate, you were a minute 15. You're in the three minutes. Yeah, that's awesome. Fuck.
Starting point is 01:11:45 Wow. Good first run. three minutes. Yeah, that's awesome. Fuck. Wow. Good first run. Hell yeah. Incredible. Pretty good. It could have been so much better. Anchorman 2. I might be back.
Starting point is 01:11:53 Gwen Stefani. Gwen Stefani. Fuck. Who did I say? Oh, no, I just don't think you got it. You said B-A-N-A-N-A-S. Will Ferrell's not in Walk the Line, or Walk Hard. Oh, Walk Hard is just John C. Reilly.
Starting point is 01:12:05 Stepbrothers, oh my god. That is hard once you get to... It's like obvious shit and your brain doesn't think it. It's a pretty good time. Yeah. It's a great time. I'll take that time. I gotta say, I was afraid I couldn't do the bat twist.
Starting point is 01:12:21 The overhand was easy. Worked well. Highly recommend. Oh, the basketball. Look at that. That bat twist. The overhand was easy. Worked well. Highly recommend. Oh, the basketball. Look at that. That was awesome. A lot of girls dream. Yeah, you did.
Starting point is 01:12:33 Oh, you broke up my consistent. Back to back. Back to back. Well done, Kate. Well done. Right on the bristles of your mustache over here. Wish you could take that back. I wish I didn't hear that.
Starting point is 01:12:52 What's the earliest date you have up there for the gauntlet? I mean, how long have you been doing the gauntlet? Oh, well, since we got here. I mean, Big Cat's C23. We're early. Since you've got here. We got here in November. 11-2.
Starting point is 01:13:06 I think that was the first Friday we were here were here maybe that might not be true at all i feel like i could run through a brick wall right now you crush that oh good okay all right um we so tomorrow we have a yak for you guys we will not be doing the act though so. So what do you all got going this weekend? You're going to West Virginia. Yeah. Are you getting there for – no, you're not getting there for weigh-in because your flight's not until 6 o'clock. Is that today? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:13:33 Are you nervous about Ruffin Rowdy at all? No. No. Is this your first Ruffin Rowdy? Yes. Microphone. Dave said – I think Dave officially said today if they don't sell a certain amount, he might have to pull the plug on the whole thing.
Starting point is 01:13:49 Wow. He said 20K, right? Yeah. Pay-per-views? 20K pay-per-views? I think that's what he said. If I'm wrong, I apologize. So that footage of Betts, A, was real.
Starting point is 01:13:59 Yeah. Not staged. B, it was just. That parking lot. Oh, I know the backstory now. He beat the shit out of a dude who stalked his sister. Rightful beat up. Warranted, yeah.
Starting point is 01:14:10 Well, that's an exceptionally likable move right there. Yeah. It'll suck if he loses his job. Goes home to his pregnant wife. Which I feel like he could have I feel like he could have just done the fight without adding that stipulation. I think that stipulation is going to carry a lot of interest.
Starting point is 01:14:27 Yeah, I think. Yeah, it does help. Yeah. I think it's going to help. I'm not going to be able to watch. I don't think he needed to do it, but I think it does help. Yeah. You put stipulations on stuff to get that extra wrinkle.
Starting point is 01:14:38 Nobody wants to see Mikey Betts lose his job, but if he gets his ass beat and loses his job, that's... Extra. As interesting as fuck. The rough and rowdy without the Abel brothers sucks. Are there any recurring ring girls? Well, that's not their job. They could come up
Starting point is 01:14:53 and come back and fight. I think it is. No, it's win or go home. I thought win or go home just meant you left the state. You're right. I think if Betts does lose, does Frank have to fire him on the spot because frank has to go on stage in the middle of the ring and fire him he'd be fine with that frank firing him adds a third element that is and frank will probably like say his name wrong
Starting point is 01:15:14 i do think if pets lost and frank had to fire him jinx could bring him back in a week just in a little mustache and glasses like the groucho. Some sort of costume and just get him rehired under Frank Franklin. Never know. Michael Betts. Betts would be an all-time or he's got to be high on the list of free agents for like those online like pedo hunters. What?
Starting point is 01:15:39 As like a teammate of kicking guys ass. Because that parking lot footage is... Oh, yeah. Oh, he's right. He should be high on the list. He would be great in that, too. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:15:50 That's a huge compliment, Che. You'd be really high on the list for pedophile hunters. As a co-worker. Welcome, pedophiles. Nine words. He wouldn't be a free agent long being picked as a model like you know how they just find people out at the mall or something you know what you have a look about you you'd be a real good really good pedo hunter i kind of as a compliment because
Starting point is 01:16:19 you don't look like a pedophile at least yeah we think we could add you to the team and really do some good work here yeah really go out and clean the streets of these pedophiles and parking lot fighting is probably a prerequisite of pedophile hunting i would think parking lot hunting kitchen kitchen similar kitchen fighting yeah yeah if i pedophile hunted i'd get beat up by the pedophiles yeah you'd lose lose the fight it's never you're never it's never a ripped pedophile. They're never evil either. They're always just sad. I know what you mean. They're sad.
Starting point is 01:16:52 They're sad. They're not like inspire hate. You see a whole crowd of them in the mall. Oh, fuck. Yeah. There should be a group of pedophiles that hunt dudes that just have adult girlfriends. I would tune in. Reverse.
Starting point is 01:17:12 Reverse pedophile hunting. Hey, get back here. This guy, Greg, he's been married for two years to a woman. We're going to take this shit bag off his face. I posed as a 42-year-old woman and talked to him for hours online. Draft Kings. Best ball at Draft Kings. If you haven't played best ball at Draft Kings, you are missing out.
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Starting point is 01:18:57 The City. What did Miss O'Leary's cow fuck the city up at this point? Is this one of the nine days a year that Dave Matthews banned bus? 20 years ago today. Nine days a year. That's why you came out, Tim. Dave Matthews dumped his shit in the river.
Starting point is 01:19:14 Should we get a pair of respects? It's pretty close there. 800 pounds of human waste. Holy shit. That's a lot of shit to be carrying around, isn't it? It's kind of cool that some of that shit was Dave Matthews'. Hey, I like all the guys well i prefer his didn't they dump plastic ducks in the river the other day they did like 500 000 like a race i think it's for i've been to one of those for a good cause but i forget what for you pay ten dollars and get your name on a duck and
Starting point is 01:19:42 if your duck wins you win a bunch of money. Does that river flow, though? It certainly flows some direction. It would have to. It wouldn't be a river if it didn't, right? Yes. It would have to. It flows, yes. Definitively.
Starting point is 01:19:54 Don't push back on this one. I don't know what river you're talking about. Okay, Titus. He's a life saver it flows backwards though and i've never seen it like no matter how much it rains maybe it flows from the lake is what you're saying it used to flow into the lake and then the army corps engineers did some fenutilin and they made it flow backwards towards st louis and st louis was like don't all your shit's gonna come to us but we blew up a dam in the middle of the night one night. And we're like, sorry, too late.
Starting point is 01:20:26 It's coming your way. And that's. We sent all the shit. Yeah. That Army Corps of Engineers. They do some fucking work. They do. But I'm saying it's so controlled that I feel like it doesn't really flow.
Starting point is 01:20:38 That it's just kind of stagnant. Yeah. Does the river have a name? The Chicago River. The Chicago River. Yeah. Yeah. Not a lot of thought went into that I never knew I never knew the Chicago
Starting point is 01:20:50 Growing up I never knew Chicago had a river going right through the middle of it It wasn't a defining feature to me As an outsider I don't think you'd know I was never taught that What's that movie? Richard Kimball The River, he's running along never really taught that. What's that movie? He's got Richard Kimball.
Starting point is 01:21:05 The Fugitive. The river. He's running along the river at St. Patrick's Day. I've never seen the movie. The movie came out 30. Is it good? Excellent movie. Oh, man.
Starting point is 01:21:11 So good. Maybe I'll watch it on my flight. It's an excellent movie. I watched Pretty Woman last night. Yeah. Fantastic. Also excellent movie. Fantastic.
Starting point is 01:21:20 Fugitive a little bit better than Pretty Woman, though. The Future was a TV show before it was a movie. She was perfect. Mystic Pizza? Notting Hill is my favorite. Pretty Woman, I think, is my favorite Roberts. Do you think that had to have inspired some women to go to L.A. to become prostitutes? I would think so.
Starting point is 01:21:37 It looked chill. That's Pretty Woman's plot? It's like she's a prostitute in L.A. And a billionaire picks her up. And she becomes the billionaire's wife oh man yeah yeah which doesn't seem that realistic she doesn't kiss on the mouth she'll do anything else but she's not that's too personal and it's just classic so that movie had a happy ending oh certainly did multiple certainly did. But the problem with that movie is you see Jason Alexander be a bad guy.
Starting point is 01:22:07 Yeah. Yeah. Pervert. That's disconcerting because Jason Alexander's never been a bad guy in anything. He's the boy, yeah. Yeah, watching him do what he does in that movie is startling. I had to palate cleanse watching him in that McDonald's commercial. Which one is that?
Starting point is 01:22:21 Oh, yeah. The one where they separated the bun and meat so it would stay cool and hot. Well, that's what he tries to do. Separate the buns. Wow. Poetic. I miss the Michael Jordan, Larry Bird McDonald's commercials. They're playing horse?
Starting point is 01:22:37 Yeah. Yeah. Over the river. You still watch them. I guess I can. I don't have to miss them. You can miss them, yeah. Just go to YouTube probably.
Starting point is 01:22:45 How nerdy is that going back and watching commercials on youtube because i do it a lot you gotta be if you're high i accept it but you get high and watch commercials do you do it from time to time or do you consider it a hobby i think when other people get high they just reach the state that i'm in constantly of nostalgia you know what i'm in that state of all state all the time you're always high i'm always nostalgic i will always watch like 1980s saturday morning cartoon commercials i of nostalgia. You know what I just... I'm in that state all the time. You think you're always high? I'm always nostalgic. I will always watch like 1980s Saturday morning
Starting point is 01:23:08 cartoon commercials. I just started watching Pee Wee's Playhouse. Yeah. In full. That show's awesome. Yeah. Sneaky Lawrence Fishburne.
Starting point is 01:23:16 It rules. Cowboy Curtis. Cowboy Curtis and his lasso. But it's so fucking weird. I think Cherry died. Probably. Cherry died?
Starting point is 01:23:24 Yeah. Reupholstered and then. Do you think the genie would fly today? Jambi? No. Mecca-lecca-hi-mecca-hi-neho? I don't think so. I don't think a lot of things would fly.
Starting point is 01:23:34 Yeah, I guess not. Hell, Princess Diaries made a bulimia joke. That wouldn't fly under Disney's nose. You're right. I've never watched Princess Diaries. Anne Hathaway's A Timeless Beauty. What was the name of the country? Genovia.
Starting point is 01:23:46 That's a crossword clue every once in a while. Yeah. Do you think exclusively in crossword clues at this point? It's Kyle's fault. I think you were both about the same time, right? Did you get him in a crossword? Yeah, we were simultaneous. Well, the more you do them, the better you get it.
Starting point is 01:24:04 Yeah, it's like anything. As you said, they repeat a lot of clues. I, the more you do them, the better you get it. Yeah, it's like anything. As you said, they repeat a lot. I do them with you sometimes. I think you would love to be addicted to them like I am. I would love to be addicted to them. I think I do two hours of crosswords a day. Easily two. Go back in the archives, waste an hour.
Starting point is 01:24:19 The Anus Studio has to be the most crossword-centered place in America. Yeah. They got me addicted. Now I'm bodying minis. Out here getting a minute 50 with a check. You mean mini crosswords, not dwarven women. I'm still working on my perfect week on crosswords. I can do Sunday, Thursday, sometimes Friday.
Starting point is 01:24:37 Can't do a perfect week. Can't get Saturday. Because Saturday's tough. So Saturday, I figured it out. Saturday is easier than Friday, Thursday. You just have to think for a while because they're gettable. They're not like proper nouns or like French words or people's painters' names. Is it always the same person coming up with the crossword?
Starting point is 01:24:57 No, they're a team. But yeah, he's one of them. And then Shorts is a gay man that's dying, but he was the longtime editor, a legend in the game. Are y'all still doing Connections? Yeah, but I'm on Circuits now, too. What's Circuits? Circuits is fun. Circuits is its own website.
Starting point is 01:25:11 TJ, you can pull it up. Yeah, let's play Circuits. Let's have Titus do Circuits. You guys are always on the cutting edge of games. I love word games. That helps your vocabulary. Yes, yeah, for sure. Let's play Circuits.
Starting point is 01:25:23 All right, just go to play. And now you have to connect them all. So mutual blank and blank fund. Powdered and blood sugar. Oh, Brandon gets sugar. Great. Trust. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:25:34 So just hit submit where Brandon got it. Where do you see mutual trust and trust fund? Be free and... Sugar free and gluten free, yeah. What is that? Sugar free. Foliage? Fall.
Starting point is 01:25:48 Fall. Trust fall and... Trust. Or what is that? Follage? Fall Trust fall and fall foliage Free fall Free speech Acceptance Look at that guys We got it Let's do another one Wait These one a day motherfuckers
Starting point is 01:26:03 The really tough one It's really really hard That's the one a day? What was the one? These one a day motherfuckers. The really tough one. Oh. It's really, really hard. That's almost too hard. That's the one where I gave up at the directions. Yeah. Do circuits get harder than that? Yeah, throughout the week, I believe.
Starting point is 01:26:17 There's been some really tricky ones where I had to use some bolts. Because connection will get tricky on you. What's a bolt? Bolt gives you a letter of one of the things you're missing. Oh, so it's cheating. Yes. Yeah. Well, it's in the game. It's still cheating.
Starting point is 01:26:26 It's not cheating. It's a helpful power-up. Is getting the fireball in Mario cheating? Do they have any power-ups in crosswords? This isn't a crossword. It's still another game. Why are you being a gatekeeper for circuits?
Starting point is 01:26:41 I just don't like little aides. You should be able to talk to little aides. Neither, man. I get don't like little AIDS. You should be able to tell me. Little AIDS? It's either, man. I can't hold Walker to explain. Brother, we're all anti here. Little AIDS. Walker told me I have AIDS. Little AIDS.
Starting point is 01:26:56 Little AIDS. Big AIDS. Babe, it's just a little. Chill, babe. Shit. little chill babe uh shit uh what what is uh what's your plan is tj taking you out to dinner tonight he hasn't taken us out to dinner he's not paying i thought he took you out he hasn't paid yet he's he'll pay tonight it's his town we're going to a place called uh trivoli trivoli tavern trivoli yeah so we're going there we went someplace last night we're going to a place called Trivoli. Trivoli Tavern. Trivoli, yeah. So we're going there. We went someplace last night.
Starting point is 01:27:27 We're going to the White Sox-Cubs game. He did get tickets for that. Do you consider you taking him because you're paying? Game time tickets. Wait a minute. Through game time, you say? Yes, absolutely. Whoa.
Starting point is 01:27:38 Yeah. Where is he getting them? From game time. And you can, too. Did you already do this? I didn't do game time. And you can, too. That's right. Thanks to Game Time, the official ticketing partner of barstool sports you shouldn't have to worry
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Starting point is 01:28:16 Terms apply. Download the GameTime app today. Last-minute tickets. Lowest prices. Guaranteed. Game would have been more fun if the White Sox hadn't won already. I know. I know.
Starting point is 01:28:26 That fireworks show, a shame. I think I'm going to the Brewers game tomorrow night, thanks to game time, in Milwaukee. If you're up in that area, go kiss Brandon in front of his family. Yeah, I will have the entire crew there. Who are they playing? The Reds. Cincinnati Reds.
Starting point is 01:28:43 I like the Reds. I went to a Brewers game earlier this year on a Friday night, and they also? The Reds. Cincinnati Reds. I like the Reds. I went to a Brewers game earlier this year on a Friday night, and they also played the Reds. That's a little disappointing, but you know what? That's the way the schedule fell. Ellie De La Cruz is my favorite player to watch in baseball. He hit a triple that night. It was unbelievable to watch.
Starting point is 01:28:59 I don't think I've ever seen a triple. I saw Dion triple in 92 in person. No kidding. It was stunning. now how do you now you hate him i don't hate him i just tell the truth about him i tell the truth about his guts i don't hate his guts i have a deon sanders signed jersey in my main cave you got his autobiography too you you gave it to me as a gift yes you have it now i don't think that's his autobiography that's his motivational self-help book okay his autobiography is another book
Starting point is 01:29:25 entirely okay it sits along with uh who gives a fuck about your career or whatever the fuck that shit was called uh i don't know i didn't read it neither anybody else um you take down rasslin once you have an enemy forever for fucking life because it was a bullshit ass decision listen it was struggling for views. We have to spend production on other shows. When's that new interview coming out that you were talking about the other day? Good question. Did I hit you too hard? I'm sorry.
Starting point is 01:29:53 I'll get you back later. Thank you. It's coming out soon. We're banking a couple. Soon is not... We're banking a couple and then we're going to roll them out. I don't want to do two and then not have one for a week. No. I want to be able to just roll them out, bang, bang, bang.
Starting point is 01:30:08 Keep the momentum. Seth's off TV, huh? Seth's off TV. He's a little banged up. Yeah, that's fine. He's well-deserved. Yeah. I mean, he's been the MVP for a while.
Starting point is 01:30:17 He just goes out there and puts everybody over. It's great. Of course, you know, Becky's been off TV for a while. She's retired, it seemed. I'm sniffing a little on that one but uh yeah i live and dom just looks that's awesome look cute as hell again i've never seen a heel turn heel er yeah cool a double heel turn he's already healed he turns heel yeah yeah that was good live morgan she was here with us y'all all met her oh no I saw the clip yeah yeah I like her she's doing good alright
Starting point is 01:30:50 you going boating this weekend almost got your goose no spoilers I can answer that question tomorrow afternoon that's right I think that show will be about an hour and a half two hours we had a good time hour what hour 48 We had a good time. Hour 48. Hour what?
Starting point is 01:31:06 Hour 48. Yeah. We had a good time. I would say the boat part, we got right to it, right? I mean, we got right to it like 15, 20 minutes in. We weren't pussyfooting around. Yeah. No, we had a goal in mind, and we got right to it.
Starting point is 01:31:22 And no spoilers. There's a pedophile. Kind of. What? Oh. Perhaps. Oh, Brandon, you missed that part. Oh, I didn't?
Starting point is 01:31:33 Yeah. I missed it. Was I out on the boat? We invited a pedophile to your home. Okay. Sorry. No spoilers. It's the opposite of that show.
Starting point is 01:31:49 We bring pedophiles in to cause chaos that was uh and and this this isn't i don't this is not giving anything away but that that night you guys came i live in the quietest safest neighborhood ever and there was just a police incident in the neighborhood that's what we're talking about. Yeah, that's what we're talking about. Okay, yeah. They were lugging out some heavy hard drives. Yeah. There was so much on there, it added weight. Yeah. The press showed up. The press?
Starting point is 01:32:13 Did you find out what that was? I did, yeah. Oh. There were two groups of young people that had gotten into fisticuffs, and one of them pulled a gun and started shooting. What? In your neighborhood? It's not really my neighborhood it's the next neighborhood down but uh but but yeah so they were going to get in the person that that had the shooting started like shooting at them i i don't nobody got killed or i don't even know if they got hit
Starting point is 01:32:42 but there was some shooting happening. I think it was like 18, 20-year-olds, and they were just popping off. That's who shoots guns, teens. Yeah, they do. It's terrifying. A lot of people shoot guns, though. Yeah, but like 16-year-olds are always the ones. They indiscriminately shoot guns.
Starting point is 01:32:59 Yeah, yeah. I very discriminately shoot guns. Yeah? Very discriminately. When's the last time you shot a gun? Yeah, man. Yeah. I really did.
Starting point is 01:33:14 Probably Mississippi, to be honest. I didn't shoot this weekend. I didn't in Jersey. Are you? Yeah. You can't shoot anything in Jersey. Can't shoot anything. Can't shoot a goddamn thing in Jersey.
Starting point is 01:33:23 You can't do anything in Jersey, by the way. Jersey was... They had gun rights. I didn't like living in... I used to go to the gun rights. I didn't like living in Jersey. It's fun. I know. I'm always disappointed about that. I know, but this... I just feel bad that you were so miserable in Jersey for so long. First day to have legalized sports gambling.
Starting point is 01:33:40 Yeah. Alright. There you go. Your area's probably great. My area was too hoity-toity. I didn't belong there is what I'm saying. It just wasn't. Hoity-toity, meaning people weren't getting taken down for gun charges two blocks down? No, they were. Oh.
Starting point is 01:33:55 They were. I don't know. It was very. You weren't friends with your neighbors. I wasn't friends with my neighbors. For four years. It felt like I didn't have a friend in that neighborhood for four years. It felt like a closed society.
Starting point is 01:34:05 How does that happen? You were barbecuing all the time. I know. That should bring people to you. I never said this. Y'all over on the coast are clicky. I never said this, but the first month we were there, the neighbors called the cops on us because we had puppies outside.
Starting point is 01:34:18 What? What? My dog Maggie. Remember, RIP Maggie. She had puppies, and I let her outside and she was out there and she went into labor under the steps so you know
Starting point is 01:34:32 you just kind of let it happen and then you take care of it later and they called they said it was cruel and unusual to have a dog and that's it stayed I don't know but the cops came and they looked and they said well that dog in that state. I don't know. But the cops came, and they looked, and they said, well, that dog's fine. I said, yeah, the dog's fine.
Starting point is 01:34:48 But the neighbors were calling cops on us. Did we talk about that? We never did. Because she died shortly thereafter, and that became the story. The neighbor? No, the dog. Oh. The dog.
Starting point is 01:34:58 She had complications? Yeah, she got a motherly disease and died. Eclampsia is what they call it. Drats. Yeah, but y'all knew all this. We talked about that. That wasn't a surprise. I don't know if I was on the show full time when that happened.
Starting point is 01:35:14 Were you not? I don't think. Huh. I never knew that dogs got eclampsia. Well, I think they're the only people that get it, right? Do people get it? Yes. Do they?
Starting point is 01:35:23 Big time. I thought that was a dog disease. Pregnant ladies. Yeah, it takes yeah it takes them out oh i didn't know that i didn't know that at all preeclampsia is what you yeah there's a like both i can't come down pretty well yeah i don't know wow what was what was that word i have a side note i stopped at that country store by your house on the way up there you like it have you had that twin bing candy no is it good it fuck what is twin bing i didn't know until i tried it's like these it's like snowballs but teeny tiny and chocolate all different flavors two different crosbys nick how you doing on time really good i'm getting nervous my gates changed twice oh that's not good well no flight flies on time anymore
Starting point is 01:36:06 wait so you're how far of a drive is it from Pittsburgh hour? hour 10 hour 20 oh I've never seen that candy in my life they sell them at your country store I ate four of them in the car before I got to your house alright big girl I'm sorry
Starting point is 01:36:23 well you had all that pizza And I had a tummy ache by the time I got there I felt bad It doesn't look like it'd be good So did you have four Bings or two twin bings Two bags of bings So four balls
Starting point is 01:36:39 I redact my statement That's edited That's super pink I had the s'mores bing my statement. But yeah, no, they're really good. That's edited. Nothing's that pink. That's the pinkest thing ever. Nothing's that pink. I had the s'mores bing and the... Was it that pink? It was pretty pink.
Starting point is 01:36:52 Oh, shit. All right, Brandon, bring some bing. Yeah, look, look, there's a picture. Look how pink that is. Yeah, I would love some bings. Holy shit. Yeah, they are for real good. And you said it's at the Old Mill Country Store there?
Starting point is 01:37:01 Yep, it's like a no-bake cookie filled with delicious... Oh, my God. Is it rich? It looks thick. Oh, yeah. I had big time tummy ache when I rolled up. Well, it looks like a ton of sugar. I sat in my hot car eating them.
Starting point is 01:37:11 I mean, it does kind of look like a London broil. Does it? A little bit. Oh, with the steak on the end? Yeah, yeah, yeah. A little bit. It might be your London broil. Oh, Che, that reminds me.
Starting point is 01:37:22 What's an Idaho spud? Steaks. Well, yeah, what's an Idaho spud? That store probably has them. All right, Che, you reminds me. What's an Idaho spud? Steaks. Well, yeah, what's an Idaho spud? That store probably has them. All right, Che, you've been tweeting the pictures, and I've been meaning to ask, but how's the grill going? I think it's going pretty good. It is much easier than I would have thought. That's bad.
Starting point is 01:37:36 Did you give us pictures of your steak last night? I never saw the actual pictures. Steak was two nights ago. Yes, I did do pictures, and then last night I did burgers. I think it went well someone said that if your propane grill is smoking a lot that's bad there was a lot of smoke well it's also a new grill i think new girls are gonna smoke a lot more than uh okay yeah toasting the buns fucking good oh yeah hell yeah Oh, yeah. Hell yeah. Sheesh. That's bread, brother. Barbecue Twitter, how'd I do?
Starting point is 01:38:10 No way. That's toasted bread, man. That doesn't deserve a cap. A cap? Grill Mars. Those are good. Say, that's toasted bread, man. Those are nice grits.
Starting point is 01:38:22 Better believe it. The kids still got it. Butt cheeks? Is that why you said sheesh? Literally the bread. How did I do to rate my burger? Made toast. Sheesh. Yeah, it's a remarkably clean looking grill.
Starting point is 01:38:40 I know it's new, but it looks... It's got a cure, just like a frying pan. I picked that one because you can put the grates in the dishwasher which is kind of oh cool are the is this okay that's a steak well i'm just going to tell you the inside of the steak looks good the outside does not why is that needs to be you need to get more of a char on it but i'm not i'm doing what steak twitter does i apologize fair first grilling. I think it went okay. We got some sweet potatoes, but the moneymaker is steaks. Let's give these a little cut.
Starting point is 01:39:13 See how it does. We're going for medium, medium rare. Look at the concentration. Look at the concentration. Gas! Concentration. Uh-huh. Yeah! Dang it! Mother fucker. You son of a bitch.
Starting point is 01:39:34 I didn't know that was coming. No, I didn't know. Fucking clue. Fuck. I love Che. He's the funniest person on the planet yeah chay did you develop have you developed like a neighborhood reputation yet no not really my name my block is a lot of like older people no have you waved at anyone with the spatula in your hand no not yet you're not
Starting point is 01:39:59 grilling till you do that yeah i also don't have a metal spatula i just ordered one so i was using plastic last night which was a little dicey. So what are the skills to be an elite steak cooker? Flipping? Leaving on? Just, no. Those are two big ones, though.
Starting point is 01:40:16 They are big ones. Give me more steps that you would need to... It's knowing what... Assign four necessary skills to be an elite steak cooker. Knowing your temperature. Okay.
Starting point is 01:40:27 Knowing the length of time. Knowing the quality or cut of meat you want. And knowing how to cook that individual cut of meat. Because you cook a ribeye different than you cook a porterhouse. You cook a porterhouse different than you cook a filet. Jay, I assume you just, those were filets or those were sirloins? What were those? Those were sirloins what were those um those were uh sirloins
Starting point is 01:40:47 yeah but you weren't good at first right I don't even know if I'm good now I'm good for what I like to taste what's your favorite cut of meat I'm a ribeye guy yeah is beef grilling no oh cool I'll do a strip but I like
Starting point is 01:41:03 sorry no no beef's going to Burger King I'll do a strip, but I like ribbons. Sorry. No, no. Beef's going to Burger King. It was the 50th anniversary of Texas Chainsaw Massacre, right? He's in New York City right now. For that? They're doing the MoMA. It's doing like a special showing with all the old writers and blah, blah, blah.
Starting point is 01:41:22 That makes me happy. Does he really go to Burger King? He fucking loves Burger King. I do, too. He goes late at night. I think the Rodeo Burger is better than any other fast food burger. He's a fan. He's a late night. Because they're also one of the only ones that are open 24 hours now around here.
Starting point is 01:41:35 Yeah. They got the best dessert and fast food. The pie. The pie. Or the Sunday pie. Easy. Chicken fries are amazing. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:41:42 Who was telling me they have a wrap that's putting the McDonald's snack wrap to shame right now? Oh, I don't know. Apparently it's fantastic. I haven't been to Burger King in a minute. I used to like it, but I just haven't done Burger King in a while. I'm a Wendy's burger guy when I could.
Starting point is 01:41:59 My favorite fast food burger is the Hardee's Frisco Burger. Whoa. Were you in Carl's Jr. territory down there? I'm Hardee's Frisco Burger. Hardee's is great. Were you in Carl's Jr. territory down there? I'm Hardee's. It's all Hardee's to me. I think, is Carl's Jr. out west or is that, what's the difference? I think south is all Hardee's. I've never been to a Carl's Jr.
Starting point is 01:42:16 I haven't either. But I think I saw a Carl's Jr. when we were in L.A. for the Super Bowl. What's the Checkers Rallies cut? Checkers in my hometown. Checkers in the South. I've never seen a rallies. Where are there rallies? I thought rallies here.
Starting point is 01:42:32 Combined. Checkers slash rallies. Maybe they are. Funny little thing. I moved out of my hometown. We never had anything. We had a Sonic, a Wendy's, a McDonald's, and a Subway. And now we have Taco Bell, and a Captain D's, and a Checkers, and wendy's and mcdonald's on the subway and now we have taco bell and a
Starting point is 01:42:45 captain d's and a and a checkers and uh and a jack's jack's is the new hotness down there i don't know the jacks it's just burgers okay just burgers you you made a face at captain d's too it's it's all right i'm a uh cookout guy whenever availableouts. That's one where you can eat like a king with ten bucks. It's fucking awesome. It's also an elite late night place. They have no genre at cookout. There's no genre of food. Are you okay with that? I don't know. It feels weird
Starting point is 01:43:16 at first, but then you realize that is the genre. It's a wild card place. You can get a quesadilla. Will you make a medley? I will. Their menu that you look at outside is just hilarious to look at because of how many things they cram onto it. Yeah. I've never been. The typing is like this big because they get everything onto it.
Starting point is 01:43:34 A cookout. That's fucking hilarious. Are they nationwide? That was bad money. Fuck you. You got me rolling, brother. That's a crazy minute.
Starting point is 01:43:53 That's smart because if I'm drunk, I'm getting everything. What you're looking for is the tray menu up top. Look at all the ice cream. A lot of ice cream. Anybody here a steak and shake fella? No. No, huh?
Starting point is 01:44:08 Yes! I stop at Steak and Shake in Gurney all the time. What is it, Frisco? They have, I think they have a sourdough. I've only been delivering bad news in Steak and Shakes. Found out my grandpa was sick in one. Oh, fuck. Anything else?
Starting point is 01:44:23 What else? Firing somebody in my family. Somebody in my family was, I was eating Steak and Shake when I found out one of my family members was on cops on the other end. Oh, my God. Wait, so did your mom and dad just take you to Steak and Shake? I think Steak and Shake was the bad news. I just don't like Steak and Shake, man. We went to Steak and Shake on our first rediscovering when I found out we'd have to do more of them.
Starting point is 01:44:49 Did you guys have Nifty 50s? Never heard of it. It's just a Northeast thing. That was if you did something really good or really special and got a good report card, you got to go to Nifty 50s. You got to go to Nifty 50s, get a milkshake. What was it like? A 50s diner? Like going back to the 50s, basically.
Starting point is 01:45:03 I'm going to my favorite restaurant, Michael's Beef House, when I get back to Wheeling. I've never heard of that. It's in Center Market, next to Coleman's. Are people going there? It's my favorite restaurant. What's a beef house? It's got the driest, saltiest roast beef you could ever taste. I feel like people sleep on roast beef.
Starting point is 01:45:21 It's comfy. I swear, I still can't figure out. Brandon does. I can't figure out. does I can't figure out his blanket god damn this is comfy oh man honey
Starting point is 01:45:40 pass me this is one of the comfier beats you've made I love you dude yeah I know honey. Pass me. This is one of the comfier beats you've made. I love you, dude. Yeah, I know. I knew when I took that mini shot at you like 20 minutes ago
Starting point is 01:45:55 it was going to come back. Do you see how excited I was for you to hit that button? No, you were pure joy in your voice. Yeah. He's out. Where are you going?
Starting point is 01:46:04 He's out. He's over the shit. TJ, I guess we can go ahead and spin the wheel. Can I point something out? By all means. Remember when they got all huffy because we were doing the gauntlet and they had to set up? Because they haven't set anything up.
Starting point is 01:46:19 I think it's out of protest. I think they did set it up. I think it took two seconds. They moved the bottle. Yeah, it's all ready for the I think they did set it up. I think it took two seconds. That's all it was. They moved the bottle. It was... Yeah, it's all ready for the triathlon. They moved the net over... They moved the net over 10 feet.
Starting point is 01:46:31 That's all it was. All right, TJ. I guess we can spin the wheel. I knew it. Spin that. Oh, yeah. Here. There you go.
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Starting point is 01:47:03 Maybe a spoiler for Monday or something if we're going to get out of here, but I just got a DM from an account I've never seen before in my life. They have 171 followers and they asked me a question and they say, can I tell you a Che story that happened a few months ago involving a flat tire on a
Starting point is 01:47:19 bike? Che? Che. Say yes. I said yes already. let's wait prison um let's see it's at well i shouldn't give them away uh yeah don't don't yeah but it's just it's a dude all right and he has 171 followers and it literally said can i at 142 can i tell you a chase story that happened a few months ago involving a flat tire on a bike and that doesn't ring a bell to you at all do you have a bike i have an idea but it's not really a story have you encountered any flat flat tires that's probably it then if you have an idea that might be it that's probably it it's not even a
Starting point is 01:48:01 story worth telling i was riding a bike and some person that saw me said, hey, I think your tire's flat. And I said, nope, it's not. And I just kept going. That's pretty funny. Well, there's two sides to every story, guys. No matter how flat you make a pancake, brother. That's the only thing it could have been.
Starting point is 01:48:18 That's probably it. It's got to be that. It does sound exactly like this situation. Let's wait this one out. Let's ride out this storm. I would hope it's a better story than that. That story sucks. That has to be it, Jay.
Starting point is 01:48:30 I hope that guy says the same thing. I actually think I have some thought-provoking questions on the other today. Okay, go ahead. How long does it take you to fall asleep? I don't know. Paul Che put out shows 40% of people are 11 to 30 minutes. 25 are 1 to 10. 19% are 31 to 60 minutes.
Starting point is 01:48:55 16% are over an hour. I'm jealous of the 1 to 10 people. 1 to 10. Are some people categorically in one of those things every night? I'm a half hour to an hour. I think I'm half hour. And sometimes over. I don't. That's not falling asleep.
Starting point is 01:49:10 That's just doing something else in bed. Do y'all turn everything off and then just try to fade away? I just, when it's time for me to go to bed, I turn the TV on to something I've seen a lot and just lay there and watch it until I fall asleep. I read with a book light and all my other lights are red light bulbs and then my eyes get very heavy. Does that help? Oh my god, yes. I didn't know that. I like to lay down, pull up the covers
Starting point is 01:49:31 and then go, the baby's going to wake up any minute now. And then I just repeat that. Kate thinks of every mistake she's ever made. And then I think about the guy who fell getting on the bus and then I think about the bar sign. That band works really hard. He's the father of four with the lead singer.
Starting point is 01:49:48 Alright, he's seen it. If you guys, if you're in the Chicago area, send Kate some pills. Yeah. I should be on edibles probably. Would help. Are y'all ready for the story? Oh boy.
Starting point is 01:50:04 This is from CB. I was doing some work in my front yard a month or two ago, and somebody rode by on a bike with their kid on the back. Didn't think anything of it and gave a neighborly wave. On the way back, he was riding very slow, and his tire was completely flat. I said to him, hey, your tire is flat. I can help you out if you'd like and he just
Starting point is 01:50:26 said it's not flat but he was clearly struggling riding and it was dead flat i believe him i didn't realize it was che until he rode off he can't deny the fact that was slowing him down and in fact dead flat it was so dead it was so flat i and, in fact, dead flat. It was so flat. I can picture it. Me too. I've seen that before. I've seen one of those. Too proud?
Starting point is 01:50:50 So flat. A detail that he did not include was that, or maybe glossed over, was that it was a bike trailer. So my son was, like, in a trailer. So that's why it was. I can't ride fast in that. But he said he saw you riding one direction and you were fine. No. He said on the return, your tire was flat and you were struggling.
Starting point is 01:51:11 No, the tire was the same consistency the entire trip. All right, Che. Well, after that trip and subsequent days, did you ever fix that tire? I did. I did. Wait, wait, wait. Okay. Why did you fix it if it wasn't flat?
Starting point is 01:51:25 I wouldn't say fix it, but yeah, I inflated it a little bit. It was so flat. It was so fucking flat. He didn't fix it. He inflated it. It absolutely could have used air. Was it totally flat? No.
Starting point is 01:51:41 Oh, no. Dead flat. We were like half a mile from home. I had my son in the trailer behind me. It was very hot. I wasn't trying to wait for some dude to help me fill up a bike. No, I'm just going to fucking go home and do it. Great story, man.
Starting point is 01:51:58 It was a pretty good story. That's good. That's good. That was well worth it. I really like that. I don't think you made a friend. Whose side are we taking? Oh, I'm taking this guy's.
Starting point is 01:52:09 Yes. Dead flat. Think about this guy. He was doing work in his front yard. So he's busy working in his house. He sees somebody come by, gives away. Obviously struggling. He sees another dad struggling.
Starting point is 01:52:19 He has empathy. He says, hey, man, I want to help you out. Your tire's flat. And the guy just flat out denies it. It's not flat. Oh. I thanked him for the story and he says, you're welcome. I was just trying
Starting point is 01:52:32 to help him. Jay, did he offer to help you? Uh. I guess so. I don't recall everyone in the interaction, but he said, hey man, I think your tire's flat. He's like, do you need a pump or something? And I was like, I'm good. That's offering to help.
Starting point is 01:52:46 And then you went home and pumped it. Yeah. It's like a 90-degree day. And with my kid in the back, we got cookies from the bakery. Like, no, I'm trying to go home. But at first, you were like, it wasn't flat. That was a lie. Now it was.
Starting point is 01:52:59 It was probably 60% inflated. It was flat, Che. Just saying. It was dead flat. The truth will set you free, Che. It was flat. He said the. It was flat, Che. Just saying. That's fine. The truth will set you free, Che. Dead flat. He said the word dead flat. Surely not.
Starting point is 01:53:09 I biked home another half mile. Slowly? Struggling? That was a speed. Che. Oh, I love Stephen Che, dude. He tweeted bread. Sheesh. Sheesh.
Starting point is 01:53:27 Sheesh the bread. Sheesh the bread. Capital Sheesh. What would warrant a capital Sheesh? Three exclamation points. Like a 360 flip over an active volcano. Volcano. It's a funny picture.
Starting point is 01:53:58 We got some leg in it too. It's a funny angle. It's a real funny angle. The bottom one's so big. Woo! Steven, you've done it again. Thank you, thank you. All right, Tim. We'll spin the wheel. Let's go do some summer games.
Starting point is 01:54:21 Tim, would you be down to get wet? Of course. All right, all right. It is dad week, right? It's wet dad week. Alas, dad got wet. All right. Alas.
Starting point is 01:54:29 Good try. All right, so watch tomorrow. You'll see the Yak from my house. And then otherwise, and please watch this today. And watch Ruff and Rowdy by R&R.com. Ruff and Rowdy tomorrow night. Mikey Betts fighting for his job against one of the Able brothers. And we've got summer games coming up.
Starting point is 01:54:48 So that's the act. We'll see you tomorrow, technically. It's the act It's your straws, yeah Style of tape for a while It's the act It's the act It's the act Yeah, it's time to talk shop Or do a Yankee swap
Starting point is 01:55:20 It's the act It's the act Hey, don't touch that dial. Quick picks, summer games, mostly sports, Dynasty League. Pre-recorded episode tomorrow. It's a fun one. Bye, Ruff and Rowdy. We'll see you Monday. Say bye, Mom.
Starting point is 01:55:45 Bye.

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