The Yak - ShowerGate Hits Our Chicago Headquarters | The Yak 11-14-23

Episode Date: November 14, 2023

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We got our friend Chris Bader here. Bader. Hey, guys. Good to be back. Chris is here. New show. When is it? November 30th?

November 30th at the Laugh Factory. Same time as we did last time. 8 o'clock. Nicky Boy is hosting. Yeah, I'm excited. We met this morning and he just stuck around. What did you guys do? I invited him. We prepped some stuff. You're smirking like crazy, Bader. The box that got sent was awesome. In the Anus Studio

that they sent me. Oh yeah, look at you. This guy sent me a hoodie of Phil and Lil's hyper-masculine lesbian mother with the face of Joe Swanson from Family Guy. A shirt, one of one. Wait, who sent that? This HY Studios. Okay. He also sent us a ton of, like, custom Barstool Kush grinders.

What is his exact at? I think it's HY Studios or H, fuck. That's a sick sweatshirt. Sent some pieces. But yeah, and then he sent just a bunch of Barstool Kush grinders and cigarette rollers. Again, most successful thing Kyle and I have ever done. Mm-hmm. And Mook. Mook is the mod, main mod.

You're the mod on Barstool Kush? King mod, yeah. I'm actually retiring from Barstool Kush. Shout out to Fleed Schmalbin and Hoovy. Those are made up names? No, they're not. They're real guys. We interviewed like 50 people.

We're building a big ass team over at Barstool Kush. They also have 10 mods working underneath them. So wait, are we going to start selling weed? We're going down to check out a cultivation facility like two hours south of here. And we're going to try to get an anus strain. Oh my God. What are we calling it? we're calling it quadriplegic nimrod yeah quadriplegic nimrod yeah shout out brawley that's what that's what it turns into an ode to a friend he no longer has legs or arms or arms

he's one he's i do know what quadriplegic means he's one of our two quad listeners wait does it mean you don't have legs or arms? You have them. You can't use them. They don't work too well. I guess you guys that are all torso are also quadriplegics, right? Yeah. Yeah.

Well, no, because it can't be quad. Yeah, it is quad. It just suggests you don't have them. TJ, pull up the definition of quadriplegic. Yeah, I think you have to have them. You have to have them for them to not work. What are you if you don't have them? That's a quadruple amputee, yeah.

But then he'd be quadriplegic. Well, what if you're going without them? Quadruplegic. That's not an amputee. Well, they'll got it. It's a torso. Affected by a relating paralysis of all four limbs. Yeah, if you don't have the limb, it can't be paralyzed.

Wait, what's tetraplegic? Tetraplegic? Whoa. That's your dick. Is that like a paralyzed centipede? Is the term you just described the inability to voluntarily move the upper and lower parts of your body? That's every Sunday for me. Damn.

Yeah. That sucks. Do they have their own flag? Everybody's got a flag. Yeah, they got it. Oh, so that's just, you're stuck in stone. Tetra is? Dude, the, um, isn't, what's her name?

The singer, Titanic. Celine Dion. She's got the stone disease. She's a stone? Oh, no. Her body's turning into stone. What does she become a stone? Yeah.

It's like really fucked up. Like the Game of Thrones shit? Yeah. Yeah, it's not ALS, but it's something horrific that very few people suffer from. Well, at least her heart will go on. Oh. Oh. And that's the yak.

I'm going to go run for the run. We just ended the show after that. Walked off. Ten-minute show today. It wasn't terrible. What's the stone disease, TJ? I don't even want to look it up, but I kind of want to look it up. Sang during her first public appearance.

It's just called stiff person syndrome. Oh, we got to get a better name for that. I had that this morning. Brandon stopped having stiff person disease when he got Zoloft. I did. I had to chase it down. Wait, so what is stiff person disease? She's only 55.

And she was with that one guy who was like 30 or 40 years older than her. Yeah. If person syndrome is a rare autoimmune neurological disorder that most commonly causes muscle stiffness and pain spasms come and go and get worse over time. That sounds awful. No, this is not. This kind of seems fine. No.

Muscle spasms? Muscle spasms. Yeah. Muscle spasms. Okay. I was taking this literally. I thought she was, I've heard about that. It's different than grayscale.

All over him? They should make it stone. That's a... Wait, somebody's growing wood on him? This guy's turning into like a tree. Ah, okay. That's kind of cool. Yeah, he's growing a fungus that resembles bark.

Yeah, and he's like, he's, that's real, that's Game of Thrones shit. Hmm. Hmm. You want to make a joke about that, Brandon? Yeah. Go ahead. I thought we all would. We're just going to stop.

You're here to be funny? Is this funny to you? Did you match with that guy on Tinder? Oh, fuck. The bar guy. Oh, jeez. Oh, no. No, no.

Get that off. No, I think we're scorpioning. Oh, man. These guys go liveiktok all the time yeah they do you guys ever see that just like a woman with like no face i mean shout out that like that's that's kind of making you know lemonade out of lemon yeah they make good money npc trees oh man that was gross i can't believe they don't censor that it's just all over TikTok yeah

what would you censor the bark I guess the bark isn't a bad thing you can't use this camera yeah I just don't know fuck I can't show my bark skin there's nothing really truly offensive about bark is there no I guess it wouldn't be offensive

it'd be like what disgusting you're too disgusting your protest for this is it take your ugly ass go to kick calm that's like Raya that's true that's alright operates you ever get on there no no I've never been on the apps Raya Oh isn't that the rich one? Raya is the celebs. Celeb one. Yeah. The clout chasers.

What? But now anybody can join because it's eight bucks a month or something. Oh. Bullshit. Raya is a dating app, Brandon, for... Thank you. Yeah. You have to be invited.

Yep. That's how 20-year-olds go get fucked by Leo while he's wearing headphones. Nice. What's going on there, KB? It's in and out and out like every second The headphones? Mine's only one ear right now It's sending me to a tizzy

My headphones are perfect Mine are slow Hey TJ is your dad back in the mix? This is bad Oh what? Well Ron tweeted at him first Oh Are they beefing?

No somebody told Ron that The Stool Streams is starting back up here and asked him if he wanted to change the time of the show. So Roan asked my dad what he should do. Wait, who decided to do... I don't know. Roan tweeted a screenshot of a text message that said Stool Streams is coming back Wednesdays at 3 p.m.

Yeah, Hank cleared it up. I guess it was a mistake. They're starting 3 Central Time. We are. 3 Central Time. And what time is Son of a Boy Dad Live? They're 3 Eastern. Oh, then we're good. was a mistake. They're starting three central times. We are. Three central times. And what time is Son of a Boy Dead live? They're three. Oh, then we're good. Yeah, mistake.

All right, because Roan is definitely someone that gets whatever Roan wants, he gets. No, Roan got bumped for big-ass Jenga. Yeah, I'm not saying that in a Roan's a Diva. I'm saying Roan deserves whatever he wants. I'd follow him to the ends of the earth. I would fucking kill for Roan. I'd die for Roan. I'd kill for Roan's a diva I'm saying Roan deserves Yeah Whatever he wants I'd follow him to the ends of the earth I would fucking Kill for Roan I'd die for Roan

I'd kill for Roan Would you kill yourself for Roan Yes You'd fuck for Roan Yes if Roan was like You need to die For me to live I'd say yeah no problem

I'd do it in a heartbeat No problem And I'd be like I'm gonna just like I'm gonna live in my house And just not tweet Is that cool And he'd be like yeah You guys going to live in my house and just not tweet. Is that cool? And I'd be like, yeah.

You guys think about that, especially the family men dying for someone? I don't think about that often, no. Oh, I do. And I don't even have a family. I more fear my kids dying. Yeah, right. But I can't wait for the day I have to die for my kids. You can't wait for that day.

You anticipate that day? I think it'll come. And what scenario would you need to save their lives? Home invasion. You'd probably be fine. You think? You got to train for it then. Yeah, fuck, I do.

Yeah. The home invasion? Yeah. My dad has taken home invasion classes. Really? Really, dude? They give those? Yeah, you can sign up for that.

What is it? Here's a pull the trigger? They give those? Yeah, you can sign up for that. What is it? Here's a, pull the trigger? They make you lay in bed. They make you lay in bed and take corners and figure out who's in your house and where. We should do that. They have a base for it, like a camp for it. That's awesome. Yeah.

And they simulate a guy trying to burn a building. We should do yak invasion. Yeah. Best runs. For when people barge in here. Yeah. And they simulate a guy trying to burn a building. They should do yak invasion, you know. Yeah. Best runs. For when people barge in here. Yeah. Tall Eastern European men.

Get the Detroit survival specialist guy in here. Oh, yeah. That would be sick. He kind of fell off, didn't he? Mm-hmm. Wouldn't you want to just have a panic room where you could just hide if there's a home invasion? Kind of a pussy shit, though. Yeah.

What if the panic room had a bunch of guns in it, though? I think all I would do is I would just yell really loud. Hey! In the panic room? I'm sleeping here. No. What's the strategy with the panic room? I wouldn't have a panic room. You have to wait it out.

Yeah. So you just go in there and you just hope that the... Yeah, you hit the button and then... And then you hope the bad guy on the other side just leaves? Well, he can't get in the panic room, so then you call the cops. Or it's a secret. He doesn't know about the room or she or whoever invades.

But they're still taking all your shit. Yeah, they're going to take all your shit but I'd rather them take my shit than my life. Imagine getting invaded by a she. That would happen to me. That would be kind of hot. Yeah.

Take whatever you want. Yeah. You want to take this dick? Chick broken, stole my panties. Has a chick ever stolen a dude's boxers? You want to take this rock hard cop? Yeah. Yeah, an entourage. Yeah, she stole my panties. Has a chick ever stolen a dude's boxers? You want to take this rock hard cop with you? Yeah, she stole

my load for the evening. Here, take this with you. I'm not using my rock hard cop. You invaded at the right time. Please, be my guest. You've seduced every robber that you've found.

Carry it out with you. That would be crazy if a chick broke in to like rape a man Jesus Christ Oh my god That would be nuts Yeah that would be nuts No you just gotta distract her and just be like You gotta fuck her till the cops come You gotta distract her and make her fall for you

I got a headache No shit Oh yeah that happens to me too She's gonna fuck you if she's doing that yeah wasn't didn't someone get fucked by a ghost who was that was it run our test no it wasn't i thought it was a woman incubi is that the plural of incubus no that's incubus or ghosts that's that fuck people i wouldn't be opposed to getting fucked by a ghost i wouldn't want to be fucked by a ghost you wouldn't i would i'd pass on getting fucked by a ghost. Why?

It's like a wet dream. Wet dreams suck. It would be like a wet dream. It sucks that you don't get wet dreams. Oh, in my mind, this ghost was just a dude fucking the shit out of me. No, it could be just as much. Am I fucking a female ghost? Yeah. Well, that's me fucking a ghost. That's different. No, she fucks you.

She's on top, Brandon. TJ, can you look up an incubus? I don't sleep on my back. Brandon's afraid of gay ghosts. Oh, you're a tummy sleeper? I'm a side sleeper. Brandon, gay ghosts are in hell. I'm a side sleeper. You don't have to worry about them remaining on Earth. They're all burning in hell.

Joey and Pat in studio tomorrow. Yeah, they are. Don't worry about them haunting us. Succubus is the female incubus, correct? A succubus takes... Oh, okay. Yeah, it must be, Mark. Well-versed in succubus blood.

Oh, can we get the statue? Succubi. We want a succubus? Look at her. Oh, wait. She's got a thick jaw. She's getting back shots. Interesting face.

She's got that china. Ah, yeah, wood. Wood. Wood, for sure I think it's like stone Seductive pose Not the best face Doesn't matter

No You're fucking A celeb Yeah Kinda I'll fuck the statue Succubus Would it be cheating

If you got caught Fucking a ghost I don't think so If you liked it I wouldn't You fell in love It has to be a living thing To be cheating right

Uh oh Brandon That's a slippery slope For you Yeah If you liked it, you fell in love. It has to be a living thing to be cheating, right? Uh-oh, Brandon. That's a slippery slope for you. Yeah. Don't worry about that. Am I getting accused of fucking a dead person? Yeah. Yeah.

But it wasn't cheating, according to you. Oh, I see. I see. No, I haven't yet fucked a dead person. I've been living under these laws. I haven't yet fucked a dead person. Because can you grab ghost titty? Human flesh can't grab ectoplasm. Yeah, I think they're the...

Yeah, plasma. Plasma. Yeah, there's probably plasma. Plasma. But plasma is tangible, right? I guess. But what's ectoplasm? Is that what ghosts are made of?

You can't touch a ghost. That's just Ghostbusters stuff. Yeah. I think they made that up. You're right. There was a female celebrity who claims to have been fucked by a ghost. It wasn't. I think the physics of ghosts are very fluid from a sense of like sometimes you can go

through them. Sometimes they can touch you. Yeah. Depends on. They choose. Yeah. Not all ghosts are made equal. I don't think we've reached a consensus on what ghosts are made of. I don't think we've reached a consensus

on what ghosts are made of. I believe in them. Are ghosts closer on the spectrum to science or spirituality? I think it's science. What a question that is. What was Hawking's take on ghosts?

Exist. Really? Like scientists? I'm just going. I'm rolling with it. But I'm pretty sure they're like anti-religion. Cardi B.

Oh, the ghost. Oh, fucker. I got to find this. The ghost of Biggie's trying to fuck Cardi B. Dude, imagine being like a ghost and Cardi B moves in. That's jackpot.

Oh, that's jackpot. That's awesome. Yeah, like if I moved into a house, Ghost would be like, what the fuck? I already got this guy. Yeah, Ghost that doesn't want to fuck you, that's got to hurt. No, I don't think Ghosts are horny. I wouldn't be too ashamed, yeah. I think Ghosts are horny.

What else are they doing? Lucy Liu? No, it wasn't Lucy Liu. Whatever happened to Lucy? Oh, oh wasn't Lucy Liu. Whatever happened to Lucy Liu? Oh, oh, oh, oh. Wait a minute. That's a lot of videos. Is this a fetish?

I got seven celebrities who've had sex with a ghost. Lucy Liu, number one. Oh, wow. Whatever happened to Lucy Liu? She got fucked by a ghost. Yeah, if you get fucked by a ghost, you've got to take some time off. You can't admit it. Yeah.

Everyone's like like you're crazy Anna Nicole Smith She She was She married one Yeah She did He was like 90

Yeah That guy He was just in it for She was in it for a long time But what if the ghost keeps fucking you So now you're dating the ghost basically Like every night you know When they're gonna come

Oh That's not bad I'd be fine dating a ghost Yeah You can't ghost a ghost Well also yeah If the ghost can't leave your house Like that's kind of

Jackpot You can just go out And do whatever you want And then come back What about when you move You don't take the ghost with you Bobby Brown He had sex with a ghost

He had sex with a ghost Alright guys I gotta come clean Yeah there you go Lucy Liu Wait what A little catnap I'm gonna see who's

And she woke up And was getting fucked by a ghost What's he was asleep I don't know Wait, what? A little catnap? I'm going to see who's... And she woke up and was getting fucked by a ghost? Once he was asleep. I don't know. He had just wet dreams. Former model who worked at... Cher Bliss. Really?

Laying it down. She had frequent sex with a ghost and a Nicole Smith. So that was like all the time. I think a lot of them are conflating phantom orgasms with getting fucked by a ghost. Yeah. Are those the only two things that you can do with a ghost? Well, ghosts are phantoms. But a phantom orgasm, I think that's an anatomical phenomenon.

Yeah. I don't know what I'd do if I caught my girl fucking a ghost. I don't know how I'd fight a ghost. You'd just get a trap. And what would they do? What would the ghost do? Scare you? Yeah, that would suck.

He fucks my girl then scares me. I'd hate that guy. Getting scared is worse than a lot of pain. Yeah. Getting scared is one of the worst feelings. Oh, especially if it's like a... Fear is the worst feeling. Oh, panic is the worst feeling.

I was afraid last night. From what? Just sounds. I was experimenting with... The Barstool Kush is too successful. Oh, yeah. Yeah, getting scared. It is nice to get a little fright every now and then.

You like getting a fright? Adrenaline, yeah. It's a jolt, yeah. A controlled fright where you know you're going to be safe. Like a haunted house? Haunted house, a movie. I don't get it. No, but getting woken up when you're sound asleep.

I hate that. And you get shook, scared like that. That's horrible, too. Yesterday, I got home with my son, and he was like, I want to scare. No one was in the house. He's like, I want to scare mom when she gets home. I was like, alright, we'll hide in the closet. And the nanny got home first

and we scared the fuck out of her. She opened the closet and I was just standing there. And she was like, what? I was like, yeah, that's our bad. Oh no. She was like really fucking scared. Yeah, it was fucked up. He's going gonna go home today

And the nanny won't be there It was fucked up I apologize right away But it was like It was actually probably scarier To have Open a closet And have someone be like

I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry That's what I just said I was like I'm sorry I'm sorry She's like oh my god Scaring is fun though Little trick Around the corner That used to be a thing

We did as kids Like scare the boy Like scare the boy Yeah all the. A little trick around the corner. That used to be a thing we did as kids, like scare the boy. Yeah. All the time. A little frightened of your boys. I was always scared. Always scared. We got someone fixing it. Yeah.

Speaking of. I get mad when I'm scared. There we go. Wait, wait. I was never scared, like bone cold. You were never scared? Ever. Yeah.

We're good. You're back? Oh, no. What? oh what did you guys it's much the left is a little a little bit asymmetrical i would say did you guys see that video that resurfaced recently about eddie scaring white socks dave with like uh this is good prank this is fine are you sure you're fine i want to make sure you're fine. They're not equal right and left, but I can hear perfectly. Okay. Thank you. Is it the equipment?

The left and right ear. Oh, no. No. Hey, congrats on Courtland Sutton, by the way. God damn. That is awesome. Fire. Plus 1,500.

You're up a ton. I picked Courtland Sutton because I was so overwhelmed by the amount of Bills' potential scorers. It worked. Bills suck. I like betting on one team to score. For the Broncos, there's a great chance it's Cortland Sutton. For the Bills, it's not a great chance it's any one player.

And the way he scored, too, where the catch was ruled incomplete. And fourth down. Oh, my God. Unbelievable. What a thrill. You should go tout. Yeah, I've been keeping my head down. What does tout mean?

He starts charging for picks. Oh. And then you can just, like, lose all your free picks, but be like, well, my pay picks won. My VIPs are 8-0. Yeah. Right. Who could ever possibly make a very successful living on that?

It's all hypothetical. Do you have to say your picks loudly? Well, no, you have to say your free picks loudly, and then they always lose, and then you're like, but my paid picks. I would love to see KB do a Stu Feiner. Wait, why'd you bring up Stu? What the fuck? What do you mean?

That's just a weird name to bring up out of the blue. Is he not a tout? No, dude. He wins. He's a sharp. Oh, I'm not saying he loses. I'm saying like... I don't get it twisted.

We're describing Stu. Oh, fuck. Do we have puppies in the office tomorrow? Tomorrow we have puppies in the office, thanks to Paws, at 11. Puppies everywhere. I'm really excited for that. Mincy's just walking around. What is he doing?

I'm in an elevator with a dog every day, and I need to learn what to do. Mincy just gave me a smile. Say, hey, buddy. He made me uncomfortable. Oh, he's back. Oh, there he is. He heard. Why are you holding your tits?

And Mincy's on the show. Just excited. We knew you had one thing because you just pissed in front of us four times. You circled us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just panicked. Just announced three nights Chicago Theater. Oh.

Four blocks from Stool River North. The weekend after the Super Bowl couldn't be a more perfect time. Hell yes, Mincy. People are already talking. People are talking. I love it. Oh, he's pumped. So pumped.

Keep the camera on him. Keep it on him. Yeah. He's still doing it. What an angle he just made. He's about to. He's going to tell someone else. Oh my God.

Yeah, he's getting it. Certainly. Wait, he's rubbing his tits. He's waiting to talk to PFT. Oh my God. Why was he clutching his breast? He's just holding his tits. Did he disappear?

He's walking like a henchman. His announcement is someone else's announcement. Yeah. It's a great announcement. Oh, my God. That was great. What was the announcement? I missed the beginning.

Oh, it's his favorite band. Three days. But you have to think that's not a coincidence. Yeah. That they come to the number two city in the country oh yeah no they're coming for mince or mince coming for mince's ass three days mince is gonna be living it i think he pitched in a broad video to donnie to mexico city the same exact time panic was in mexico city is uh donnie back yet i don't think so. I'm so excited.

I think they're on the plane back. I can't wait to see the videos and hear all the stories and everything. I know. The final score is out. I did see that. Oh, yeah. We talked about that. Yeah.

They got worse. Billy did have a broken foot. People were like, oh, Billy looks so slow. He did have a broken foot when he was playing. Why did he play that? Why did he play? Because the glory. Yeah.

Of losing 14-0 in the Africa Bowl. Yeah, I saw two videos. Him getting on a flight in a wheelchair. Yeah. And then him playing quarterback. Playing quarterback in a football game. Everyone's like, dude, you're so slow. It's like, he has a broken foot.

Yeah, that's tough. That couldn't have been what was best for the team. Him with a broken foot was better than... Well, yeah, they lost 14-0. Right. Yeah. Or for himself right now. Yeah.

We'll see how much more broken it is. And to lose the Africa Bowl. That's tough. You got to win that. If you're going to play on a broken foot, you got to win that. You got to win the Africa Bowl, yeah. You have to win the Africa Bowl. Do they send the losing t-shirts over here?

Oh, my God. Holy shit. That's good. Oh, my God. Oh, we need some losing t-shirts now. Can we put Uganda champions? We should put them in the store. We absolutely should.

We should. Uganda Africa Bowl. Yeah, it was a part of my chees them in the store. We absolutely should. Uganda Africa Bowl. It was a part of my cheesesteak Africa Bowl. Yeah, champions. The championship shirts that didn't get worn by the champions because they lost. Wait, we got to do it. They got sent over here. All right, I'm going to text this to the store right now.

Yeah. That's so good. Billy's going to hate that. Do you guys think – Brandon, would you have scored a touchdown in the Africa Bowl? No. No, I wouldn't have. I don't think I would have either. No.

It looked like it was not the best turf either. Yeah. I think 25-year-old Billy with a broken foot is equivalent to 44-year-old Brandon Walker doing his absolute best. I think that's fair. Yeah. When did these guys start learning football? I think this week. Yeah. During the game.

That's two days. It's time. It's before. I think he did the old Michigan. Michigan used to, back in the day in like the 1900s, they used to teach people how to play football and then beat them. And then be like, all right, we're 1-0. They would literally, like if you look it up, Michigan football like 1902, they played like the Detroit YMCA.

And be like, national title. You know like the Georgia Tech story, right? Yeah, yeah. They won like 220. They faced the Cumberlands, won 200-something to, like, the Georgia Tech story, right? Yeah, yeah. They won, like, 220. They faced the Cumberlands, won 200-something to zero. But the school they faced was lawyers. Yeah. No, Michigan played, like, doctors at the School of Medicine.

That's so funny. And they teach them the rules, and then they beat the fuck out of them and be like, yeah, winningest program in college football. Yeah. If I remember right, Naismith was the opposite. I think Naismith is the only coach in kansas basketball history that had a losing losing record yeah which is very bizarre the guy invented the sport and had a losing the only coach with the losing record you think you'd have a leg up for at least the season or just come up with a new rule

yeah if you're losing just be like uh forgot there's. There's another rule that says. Less points is actually the winner. Wait, the guy who invented basketball coached at Kansas? Correct. And has a losing record. He had a losing record in his coaching career. And I think he's the only coach in Kansas basketball history with a losing record. What a thrill to invent a sport. You really could just be like, yeah, no, those aren't the rules. Everybody says if Naismith could come back and see what basketball has become,

he'd be so proud, but what if he wouldn't? What if he was like, this is not what I had in mind at all. I wanted people to just stand around. I just wanted people to stand around and throw a ball at a hoop. It was supposed to be like a beer drink. He thought he was inventing cornhole. Yeah. What the fuck?

I bet you the guy that invented pickleball was kind of pissed. Yeah. You think so? Yeah. Well well probably not pissed because he's probably wealthy but like is he though um he wanted that yeah he's probably he wanted to be for like olds but how old is pickleball it's been around for a while hasn't it i think it has just recently been sneaky for decades yeah i didn't know that it's pickleball is the the perfect sport. To get something to hit mainstream, it has to look easy, and then people can't figure out that it's hard until they start playing it and buy all the shit. You know what I mean?

If you watch pickleball, you're like, that's easy. Then you play it, you're like, this fucking sucks. But it's also playable. I suck at this. It's playable for 1965. Non-athletically. That's what I'm saying. I would have guessed 2019.

Yeah. And I would have been like, that's probably a little old. So I think the best player is like a young girl. I think the world number one just got beat by a tennis player like doing it for their first time. Yeah, but a lot of them were at tennis and they weren't good enough for tennis and they just flipped. Yeah.

Which would be awesome. But what other sport could you do that, where you suck at this sport, then you go flip to the other sport? Oh. Yeah. Well, you could be in the NBA. Wrestling and MMA. Wrestling and MMA.

No, no. College basketball in the NFL. You can play tight end in the NFL. I feel like basketball players in volleyball. Stand up to podcasting. Yeah. People are bad at basketball but really tall yeah like can't shoot then they can go play volleyball and dominate

yeah i was thinking nba to wmba yeah you could do that yeah you could definitely do that right now cut your dick off do you have to i don't know put it between your legs you don't have to cut it off i think the people i think you just do it i think the people that haven't figured out the most are the golfers. When they get to like 48, 49, 50, they're not very good. And then all of a sudden they go to the senior tour and be the best again. Or like MLB to like recreational softball. Like Jason Wirth hitting that adult league home run.

Yeah, or like remember Eric Burns? Yeah. Like there were clips of him just dominating and just going crazy. Hitting fat dingers. Oh, it would be so much fun. Yeah. It would be so much fun. I love that Jason Wirth clip.

If I were a professional athlete, I would absolutely, in my 40s, just go and play pickup and just dominate. Just show up wherever and be the best guy. And not even try hard. Yeah. What? Doesn't Joel Embiid do it? He did that once.

Oh. Who's this? Jason Wirth. In the adult it? He did that once. Oh. Who's this? Jason Wirth. In the adult league. Just a standard. Oh, fast pitch? Yeah. I think Gary Sheffield did this a couple years ago.

That must be so awesome. Watch this. Because you basically just get to shit on all of these guys that think that they're like one step away from the pro. Yeah, they're taking it super seriously, too. My brother. It's got to be so easy, too. Oh. Oh, that sounds dark.

That was awesome. That ball was gone forever. That was awesome. And, like, hitting a home run, no matter what level, still rules. The best feeling. Yeah, you're still the king of the field for that. Right. It doesn't matter.

I hit one in wiffle ball at the Derby. I was like, I'm God. Yeah. We got new bats, by the way. I caught you re-watching it in the Uber. I re-watched it a hundred times. You re-watched your own bat. Because I never had a high school highlight tape or anything like that,

because I was never good. But seeing me hit a homer on camera, I was like, I'm the fucking man. Did we get more balls? We got more balls. We got new bats we also um someone pointed out that it'd be funny if we had white socks dave and jerry be the umps and the next homer derby was all just subjective their call oh like if it feels like a home run it's a home run i love that i suggest i love that you did yeah oh okay brandon suggested uh not he said someone i. I forgot that you suggested it.

Oh, yeah, that was right on Saturday. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good suggestion. Why don't you say it? No, I'm not going to say it. Say it. It's just what you said, somebody.

Say it. I was right here. I forgot it was you. Say it. I think, what if we got White Sox Dave and Jerry, and it was all subjective? They just decided what was a home run. That sounds like the worst idea ever. I don't like that.

So you're saying we'll just argue the whole time? Jerry and White Sox Dave. It doesn't make any sense. Oh, my God, that's terrible. Let's think the worst idea ever. I don't like that. So you're saying we'll just argue the whole time? Jerry and White Sox favorite. Oh my god, that's terrible. Let's think outside the box. Let's workshop this. It might not even have the bones of a good idea. You got something, Titus? I was thinking

if Jerry and White Sox favorite. Part of the thing I thought with the home run derby is there were some balls that you'd hit that would hit the ceiling and it felt like they would have been home runs. So I was thinking if White Sox Dave and Jerry, in those instances, they could just declare those to be home runs. And it's more of like

a vibes thing for them. If they felt like it was a home run, they could just call it a home run. Yeah, I think that works. Is that a good idea? That makes sense. Yeah, I like that.. Is that a good idea? That makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. I like that.

We'll do that next time. I feel like that's similar to my idea of what I said. What was your idea? What pass did we get, TJ? Red. Oh. The other ones were yellow. You know what?

Che, can you just pitch a ball to Brandon and let him take your yard? Are they fatter? I need to see Che fail just after that Fucking Che going taking a victory lap last night with the Bills on the data day I shouldn't have protested

I'm such an idiot for protesting because all of his predictions are wrong but he got one right. But it's not his predictions. It's the data. So, like, how can he? He's not. I thought he said this wasn't him.

So what was he flexing? He was like, everyone laughed at me about the Bills, and they took a step back. And I was like, but you got everything else wrong. What did he say their record would be? Like nine and eight. He said, yeah, it might happen. Their schedule's brutal.

He showed the screenshot of what he had the Bills at. And in that screenshot, it had like the Jets at 12 wins, the Patriots at seven wins, the Dolphins at eight wins. So three out of four, he got very wrong. But he got one right. I still shouldn't have said anything because that's – Che always wins. He always wins.

I know better. He always finds a way. It's a few times. I manufacture a win. Look at this. Look at Brandon. Ooh, I like these bats. These are good bats.

Oh, yeah. These are – But you get blitz balls in too. What are blitz balls? Blitz balls, it's like a yellow ball with like a bunch of faces on it so you can throw like super crazy curve balls on it without having to scuff it up like a wiffle ball. And then the bats are pretty good. These bats would be good to cork.

To cork? You put the expanding insulating foam inside of them and then the ball you hit them at 200 feet. Oh, you don't have it? I have this one. I want to see this one. Yeah, just knock

one out of the park. Yup. Yup. Gone. Gone. Big T comes in the mornings and hoops real early. Yeah. He showered today, and he was like, did you guys notice there's a camera in there?

He is not happy. He is not happy. We should actually have him come down. We should pull up that footage. He said he noticed when he was at peak sudsy. Oh, no. He's got to be the perfect guy to discover. Just how paranoid he gets and how, you know.

Oh, Chase is getting. Yeah, I want him up. Oh, my God. Oh, boy. Ain't no way. Wow. It lit up. Oh. Chase is getting yeah, I want him up it on and oh my god Oh She's getting shelled come here Pat sit on down She's gonna run Oh Che you got a run. Yeah, he does

Joey and Pat are here. The boys. The gay ghost. Does that feel good, Brandon? Look good. It looked good. Chase is getting fucking smashed. Yeah, that was coming right off the bat. Just hot.

Absolute smash. You can swing hard with those because if you swing hard with that football, you're going to miss. Yeah, your swing looked really bad when you were doing the home run derby. No, it didn't. Yeah, it did. It did not. Because you were swinging like miss. Yeah, your swing looked really bad when you were doing the Home Run Derby. No, it didn't. Yeah, it did. It did not. Because you were swinging like half. Yeah, I was trying to.

I know. Because you were hitting a window. You were playing like ping pong. I'm not saying you have a bad swing. I'm saying. Okay, you have a great swing. Thank you. You came in second.

The dimensions made it look bad. You came in second and seven yesterday, too. Yeah, I came in first. Did you hoop with Big T this morning? Huh? Did you hoop with Big T? I got here. Traffic was particularly bad. I got here at 830. Yeah, because came in first. Did you hoop with Big T this morning? Huh? Did you hoop with Big T? I got here. Traffic was particularly bad.

I got here at 8.30. Yeah, because Big T and I walked in together first in the office at like 7.55, and it was kind of like a very sad moment because he was putting on his shoes. I was like, is Brandon supposed to be here? He's like, he's supposed to be here. I get here at 8 every day, and we play horse. I play with him, but we only play one game. He's got a wet jumper.

Again, I have to say it. He's a good basketball player. Again, I have to say it. He's a good basketball player. Go ahead, Che. Ready, set, go! Oh, this is not good. Oh, no. I don't think he made it all the way back.

Is he doing a leap? He is. He's leaping at the end. It's just great making him run. Does he always like this? This is the dumbest thinging at the end. It's just great making him run. Does he always left? Does he like this? This is the dumbest thing we do, but it's also the best. I don't know what lines he's touching. He always leaps over here. He's jumping now.

Should we start making him do two of them? We should just not tell him the time. He looks so bad. You know, he's stomping. Let's run it back. Wait, what was the actual time? We forgot to time that one. Fuck.

Fuck, we forgot to time that one. I just timed it when he walked out there. Jay, we didn't time it. You got to do it again. I want to bribe him to get 26. You got to do it again. We didn't time you. What do you all think the max of his PR could be like?

Could he get it to like 21, 22? We didn't time him. He could. No. 21? I'm, no. 21? I'm asking. He's been around 28 to 30 or 29 or 30.

He could get it to 24. 24. Right? No? Let's actually. Well, let's time a fast dude. Who's the fastest?

Fast dude. No, I'm not running. Who's the fastest in this office? Um. In this room, it's Kyle.

Who is the fastest? It's Kyle. How and why have I earned a fast collegiate athlete? You're in shape and you're an athlete. Big T, we're going to watch your shower video. I bet you fucking are. I'm on your side. That's insane.

Big T was like, did you notice something in the shower room? I was like, I don't think the shower works yet. He said, yes, it does. But there's a camera just in the corner. We got to fix that. Yeah, staring right at the shower. Is it on? My dick out?

When did you realize? Halfway through. Oh, no. All right, well, we'll fix that. Did you already like? There's a mic hanging down, too. No. It's for this show. Boom mic. for this show boom mic right is the mic

is the is the camera always on uh right now the lights are off in there the lights aren't on unless someone's in there so i can't see anything in there right now can you wait did you like cover your dick for the rest of the shower this is the shower room yeah what did you do embrace it what's the purpose of we do a segment on this show where somebody has to go get wet. Where's the shower, TJ? This can't be legal. Is the camera on? There's just no chance. It's felonious.

Does that footage exist? No. It's not recording. Is the audio? I want the audio. Oh, fuck. There's a camera. Wait, so Big T, how was the shower uh it never got hot it never got hot

we're gonna find out never got hot so wait you got caught on camera cold dick yeah oh no never got hot it was never hot you sure

well I'll make sure that's fixed Big T I doubt it was recording all right I do I doubt it was recording I didn't know that it was shouldn. All right. I do. I doubt it was recording. I didn't know that it was. It shouldn't be an option. I agree. Listen, I completely agree with you.

That's fucked up. I don't know that you do. I do. Didn't you oversee this whole place? There's two things that are happening right now. One is I acknowledge it's fucked up. Two, it's very funny that it was you that saw it. Right. totally.

He really is the perfect. We will make sure that it is not recording and we'll cover it up or whatever it needs to be. He's the perfect victim. Yeah, that's the thing. That part is funny, but everything else is funny. So we should tape over it until it's time to do a wet wheel and then we untape it?

Yeah, I think so. Or if we can get assurance that it's never recording, that's fine. I'm going to need the tape, I think. Big T is stacking up some HR complaints on us. Big T has become a whole team. He's got his good. I think Trey is still hanging out to run again. Yeah, he's going to run again.

Big T has a new Daily Mail headline now. Yeah. Fuck. That's bad. We should not have that there. Big T could own this company. That's also a Pete thing. Didn't we specifically ask for that to be there?

Yeah. Did I? A shower in the new office? I said a shower. I don't know if I asked for a camera in the shower. That's always live. Get a live cam in the shower. Tune in on Viva TV to see Big T's cock.

I'm going to text all business pete right now the boom mic he's like i walk in there's a boom mic too the mic is yeah is it hidden like how i'm picturing a scenario where you go up to shower and you're like oh there's a camera pointing right at me i'm not trying to get naked it's not that hidden because he saw it yeah we saw it halfway through though We saw it halfway through, though. We saw it halfway through. He must have been exhausted from playing. Go up there, Brent. Halfway through.

Yeah, wait. Let's go see how it looks with the lights on. Yeah, it's in the corner. Grab Big T and tell him to walk us through the shower. And it didn't get hot. He's small-dicked. so it's not recording I've just been assured it's not a limpy it's just like a threat yeah just having a

camera that's so anybody who's sitting in the control room can get to it not recording but like if the tech guys were working on something this morning. Yeah. Who's to say? He's the perfect person. Whether it's recording or even plugged in for that matter, just having a camera pointing at a shower is a hilarious premise.

We should do that with the urinals too. Just set up cameras that aren't even on. Like in the stalls. Like you're just sitting and all of a sudden you just see a camera. Yeah. Come down. Camera and a microphone. Everything should be wired.

All right. So confirm not recording. We will also get a cover for it. So it's like. Like a shower cap that goes on the camera. Yeah. No, just like something that can be in front of it, even though it's not recording, just so everyone...

Yeah, how about a guy? We really should have thought of that. That was an oversight. This is a new office. There's going to be speed bumps. Yeah. One of the tech people may have saw Big T's freezing cold tiny cock. It would be funny if Big T was actually mad

because he was showering with a bathing suit on. That would be the best case scenario. Holy shit. He was pretending the shampoo was like a microphone singing. What would be a funny song for him to sing? Oh, my God. Diana Ross. Yeah.

Upside down. Boy, you turned me. No, but it would be funnier completely naked. Yeah. Yeah. Just. It's like, do you ever see those stories about how, like, when you go, when you rent, like, an Airbnb, they have them. Brandon's FaceTiming. What's up?

I'm not supposed to report on this. Report? No, we have a camera going. Yeah, go. Just walk in. Check it now. Yeah, walk in. Check it.

I don't have it right now. What do you mean you don't have it? I don't have it. I can't see it. Did it just get cut? It's nowhere on this device. Yeah, walk in. Check it. I don't have it right now. What do you mean you don't have it? I don't have it. I can't see it. Did it just get cut? It's nowhere on this device. Oh, my God. So it definitely was recording.

Why would it be taken down? Now it's been removed. Stefan's like, they figured it out. Fuck. I'll get a fix. Who installed that? Imagine if the guy was like That's his job today They did it for the yak

And we did not think about the fact that people How do you explain that? TJ, pull up Big T's cock cam Also gonna shower in there Is it the only shower? Yep So there's one unisex shower In this glorified gym

We're working out Yeah, Brandon being late today really was sad for Big T glorified gym working out. Brandon being late today really was sad for Big T. Big T played by himself? I think Brandon eventually came, but I think they have a standing date on Tuesdays to play basketball together. I think Big T works him too.

Does he? Yeah, apparently he's got the best jumper in the office. I love that. Yeah, they've been playing five-on-fives on Tuesdays and Friday afternoons. Yeah. It's awesome to see. Yeah. I need to get involved.

You've got to get him a scrimmage with... Yeah, I didn't know about him. Yeah. Do you still play a lot, Titus? No, no. I... No. What are you doing, Steven?

Why are you looking at me like that? I'm going to blow up my knees. What? So I'm scared of blowing up my knees. No, no. You're going to run again. You guys didn't call me up. Oh, okay.

You changed your shoes? Yeah, my other shoes are better. All right, try to get the fastest time you've ever gotten. Set a record. Che, what is the fastest you've done? 26? 28. 28.

Che, if you get into... 26. 26. I got nothing for him. Yeah, you needed me to step in. Give him 100 bucks. A free first touchdown bet. Yeah.

All right. Ready, set, go. Nope. That was a bad start. Did he just start hopping today? No, I think he's faster, actually. Well, he's got his good shoes on. He looks faster than he used to.

These shoes make him look worse. Yeah, we need to pay more attention to the splits. I'm taking the over 27. He really puts a beating down on the court when he runs. He's mad at the wood. Oh, man. Dude. Just this visual is always so funny to me.

It sounds like he's not good. And I would have given him $5,000 if he got 26. That is not good. I know you would have. You said that earlier. Damn. 20 now. Did you guys know that Malasek doesn't use soap?

Yep. Or shampoo. What is that? What does that mean? I think we need to press him. We do. What does that mean? He just hot water. That doesn't do anything. What does that mean? I think we need to press him. What does that mean? He just, hot water.

That doesn't do anything. What does that mean? Do we get any answers? There's got to be like shampoo or something else being used. No, I think he uses nothing. I don't think he uses anything. He would be the most valiant person. I think he only washes his hair like once a month or twice a month, something like that.

What? What do you mean? What I mean is, when you walk in the door, you walk straight across to the shower, you turn it on, you get in the shower. It's not until you turn and look back at the door that you realize the camera's on you the whole time. Oh. Okay.

So it's a hidden camera. It is reasonable to not notice the camera. Remarkably reasonable. Yeah. Okay. Now, you would notice the microphone that's hanging on the wall. Yeah. Also, I feel like we just need a curtain yeah curtain would oh yeah oh yeah holy fuck curtain would do a lot curtain would solve it and there are we should it's not recording i

confirmed it's not never recording there are curtain rings a pack of unopened curtain rings laying on the floor all right so we gotta ask ask... There's no curtain rod, no curtain. Do it. Alright. I'll text Paige right now. Ask her if we can get a shower. To fix that would cost about $12. Should we put a sign up that there's a camera in there, though? What did Malasek say? He said, I'm on dog walk talking soap.

Oh, he's talking soap on dog walk right now? He's talking soap on dog walk. Damn. Maybe he knows something about soap that we don't they say you're only supposed to shampoo your hair like once a week i don't believe yeah i don't believe that either i don't buy that that's because it pulls all the oils out of your hair i don't want the oil in my hair i want you that's what makes your hair look greasy but what if you too much oil bad. What if you work out and you're so sweaty? Yeah, that was my question, too. You shower and we'll watch you.

Like high school wrestling, if you didn't shower, we'd have ringworm in our head. Yeah. Oh. But you wouldn't have. Yeah, the scalp. I got it on my scalp, amongst other things. You get ringworm on your head?

I've got ringworm on my head, yeah, in high school. Did you get herpes, too? No, I saw that, though. That was the scariest thing I've got ringworm in my head. Yeah, in high school. Did you get herpes, too? No, I saw that, though. That was the scariest thing I've ever. I haven't seen the picture, but that was. Me neither. I'm the one that didn't get a shot. Ringworm was the worst I got.

Ringworm was nothing. Oh, Malsec. By the time I got the call, yeah, it was like, oh. Malsec. Ringworm. Shit. He's just doing the rounds, I think. He's literally doing the car wash, but he doesn't use soap.

I run it. What's up, wash But he doesn't use soap Hey Jake Jake is For anyone who doesn't watch the Yak Every single day Malasek is Like 4 for 4 in Yak appearances He had the threesome That he wanted to watch another dude With the cast of the notebook

He had his Lacrosse team that finished 26th 23rd that he wanted to watch another dude. Well, the cast of The Notebook. The cast of The Notebook. He had his lacrosse team that finished 26th. 23rd. 23rd. That actually turned into a touching story. And now, you don't use soap. Yeah, I was just in the dog walk doing that soap thing. What does this mean?

Well, it came up. I don't know how it came up, actually, but we were upstairs just chatting about, I guess, types of shampoos or something like that they were like oh what kind of body wash do you use and i was just like i don't you do not have body wash no in your house no having for you if i went over to your house you would see shampoo conditioner no body wash wait you see you shampoo yes yeah uh every like month or so wait a minute do you use shampoo and conditioner? Yes, every month or so. Wait a minute. Do you use deodorant? Yeah, every day.

It's going to be getting caked on you, dude. Do you use hand soap? Not really. So it's water only? Yeah, in the shower. Why? Wipe your ass. This morning I got in the shower. Actually, I don't want to say that.

Say it, Jay. I showered my dog this morning. What, dude? Don't worry. We have video of it. I got in the shower. Every morning I get in the shower i get under the water wet the hair wash the face with what with water and then i get out whatever washes your arms and i towel dry and then i go get dressed so it's i the wet what if you have dirt on you the water washes it off wait i don't like listen i know the what i need

the why well i so i i guess i last time i used i was probably junior or senior year high school how old are you now 24 why did you stop so i i didn't do it like just because i didn't have any for a little bit and i was a 17 or 18 year old boy i was like whatever and I didn't have any for a little bit. I was a 17 or 18-year-old boy, and I was like, whatever, and I didn't buy any for a while, and then I started to feel better about it. What do you mean? My body started to feel better than it did. I started to get less dry skin. My hair started to feel kind of good,

and I've just been kind of a no-product guy. I think I'm going to have to fucking do this. Do you smell okay? I've never gotten a complaint about the smells. He's never been stinky. The hair stuff, the shampoo, you gotta power through a little bit with the no shampoo. But, like, after, like, three weeks, the hair feels great. Three weeks?

I used to have dandruff, like, bad. I was using head and shoulders. And I stopped using all that stuff, and now it's gone. Feels great. How's your love life? Terrible. But that's not because of the smell. That's not because of the smell.

True, I do have a dog. Everything you do is for pussy. Correct, and that's not because of the smell. That's not because of the smell. True, I do have a dog. Everything you do is for pussy. Correct, and it's not working. You post videos of you playing guitar. You adopted a dog. But now you don't use your pussy. Yeah, and he made it sure to say that. Oh, I don't know if I want to say.

He plays in Olympic lacrosse. That's not for chicks. Yeah, it is. Yeah, you're an athlete. That was a notebook. I like that. So is there anyone else in this community? Not that I know of.

I've been getting called gross for like three days. So there was celebrities. Wasn't it Ashton Kutcher? They don't bathe their kids. No, he defended a rapist. That's what it was. That too. That's what you're thinking.

Big time, like a big rapist. There was no blurred line. No. That's what he is. Easily confusable with not using soap. You guys should try it. So you're making dinner. But you got a shit.

So you go take a shit and then you go back to making dinner. What happens in between you taking a shit. So you go take a shit, and then you go back to making dinner. What happens in between you taking a shit and making dinner? Can I ask a clarifying question about the poop? Did I get any poop on my hands? Oh my.

Visible poop on my hands. Dude, this is too... Because if I didn't get any visible poop... Oh. Is that Pat? Let's watch him bathe. Oh. Is that Pat? Yeah. Yeah. Let's watch him bathe. Oh, that's the funniest angle.

That's haunting. Yeah. Pete's a fucking pervert. Oh, my God. Just imagine Big T in there. Malasek, has a girl ever seen your shower and been like, where's the stuff? Yeah, a couple times. Hell yeah.

And she was like, what the fuck? Like, where's all your stuff? Well, actually, in New York, I did buy some stuff, but I emptied it out and I just had the bottles in there. Dude! So it was there, but I never used it. Disgusting. Yeah. Wait, so what about after a strenuous, sweaty workout where you actually stink?

Yeah, I get in the shower and rinse off, and then I'm good. And that takes care of the smell? It does. He might have like a permanent musk now. I don't know. Like a layer of like body spray or cologne if you're going on a date or something. Well, I use the Old Spice Fiji deodorant. It's been working.

Chick Magnet? Yeah. It smells fine. Also, I use the Old Spice Fiji deodorant. It's been working. Chick Magnet. Yeah. Smells fine. Also, I had a very good time at your show on the first one. Oh, thank you. I had a lot of fun. Isn't that like the same family as body wash, though? Like you're putting artificial shit.

No, it's definitely bad. Isn't that inconsistent logic? The deodorant stuff is the one I'll give into the cancer for the deodorant. I'll use it. You think soap's going to give you cancer? No, but the deodorant. De'll use it. You think soap's going to give you cancer? No, but the deodorant has aluminum in it. It also is

the whole body, like the body wash thing really for me is that it dries me out. And then everyone upstairs was like, oh, I'll put on lotion. But why would I add two things

when I could have zero? Because you'll be clean. But I'm clean right now. You're not. Wait, you take a shit. It's not clean. You wipe your asshole. It's kind of a wash your hair.

Who's going to smell him? Someone has to smell his stomach. I want to smell your arm. He's kind of like, don't wash your hands. Who's going to smell him? Someone has to smell his stomach. I want to smell your arm. He's kind of making sense. Yeah, I'll smell his stomach. You have to smell his stomach. That's the way you're going to be able to tell. Stomach?

Yes. Stomach. Smells pretty clean. He smells clean or he smells... Did you see him smell his stomach? No, he honestly, maybe it's because of the laundry. Do you use detergent? I think we should all smell the stomach.

Are we smelling? Yeah, yeah. I thought you just had to smell it. He smells clean. This is a... He's got to have a dirty day. I don't know if it's the laundry. Hell of a visual, by the way.

Look at this visual. Look at this. The hips are crazy. Oh, no. the way Kiss it move kisses behind your head. Kiss it. Moog, kiss his stomach. He smells good. Yeah, he smells just fine. I'm good. He smells fine.

No, you gotta smell. Titus. Titus doesn't get it. Get the fuck out of here, Titus. You gotta smell him. You're just listening for the ocean. He smells good. I know.

He smells really good. He does smell good. What if you do like a puff mutter, go spelunking or whitewater rafting for a whole day? You're also dirty. That's what I'm saying. I would just use the water. Not saying I believe this, just throwing it out for the room to discuss. Is there a possibility he's bullshitting on all of this for attention?

Yes. Okay. Absolutely. 100%. I'm not a liar. I'm not a liar. I'm not a Yes. Okay. Absolutely. 100%. I'm not a liar. I'm not a liar. I mean, this is the man who willingly went into a Twitter

space and said he wanted to watch the cast of Notebook as his dream threesome, have sex. He's embarrassed himself enough. He dried up his turd for us. Yeah. Alright. But there is something you're not putting the soap on you, but you're putting soap on your clothes

because you wash your clothes, and then you put those clothes on. Yeah. Soap finds its way to you. Because detergent. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's hard to escape soap. Malasek is one of those guys.

He can escape soap. No context. We have a lot of these guys that, on paper, they're smart, but in reality, they're very dumb. So many. Right. He went to UVA. Yeah. Smart guy.

Damn smart. But then you hear this stuff and you're like, maybe not. I'm worried about your taint. That was the biggest complaint for upstairs. It's fine. I think Mook should smell his taint. There has to be. You boys go up to the shower.

Do a little taint sniff. Wait, just rub paper on your taint and have Mook smell the paper. Yeah, let me see. In the shower, yeah. But go do it in the shower and then come back down. Do you think your taint smells bad? I don't think anything smells bad. There's got to be shit growing.

I mean, my ass probably smells the worst on my body. That's how asses are. Will there be anything that would ever make you go back? Like if you met a girl and she's like, I really wish you would just use soap. Wow. Is that a deal breaker? If you loved her, if you really loved her. If she was like, you smell bad, it would have to be a reason.

If she was just like, use soap because that's what people do. Or like, maybe use a little soap on your dick. Soap is a side of the reason. If she had a reason, like your dick smells bad, please use soap. What if it doesn't smell bad, but there's a hang up for her? She doesn't want to put her mouth on it unless you wash it with soap. Yeah. Jake.

What are you thinking? Now you're going to get blowjobs. You're getting your dick sucked in this hypothetical, but all you have to do is use soap. going to get blowjobs. You're getting your dick sucked in this hypothetical, but all you have to do is use soap. I'm over blowjobs. Oh, this is a... That's a bad take. He doesn't do soap or blowjobs.

Who's over blowjobs? I never know what to do. You get your dick sucked. You just... Yeah, I can't say thank you very much. Yeah, that's... For starters, there's that. Which is pretty nice.

You never know. Like, I just never know what to do. Again, I think you just get your dicks kind of out. Yeah, I think you just have to have a hard dick. Do you need to, like, play video games or something while you're? Yeah, what are you doing? Other stimulation? You feel a little bad when you're up there.

Because you have a dirty ass dick. Yeah. That's not why. I don't know. Over blowjobs. What does that even mean? How old are you? 24.

You're over blowjobs at 24? It's been years. You'll get a time when you don't retire from the game. The game retires you. Okay. What if you met a girl, you're dating her, or you start to date her, and she doesn't want to use soap? Oh. Does that make you...

Does she smell? Yes. Well, if she smells, then that's bad, but if she doesn't smell, then I have no problem with that. But what if she doesn't smell? Are you still... If there's no odor, you're not dirt. But I think there's a mental hang-up. Yeah.

Yeah, if you But he's over there I'm gonna try it If you shit and wipe your ass And then no shampoo Yeah I'm gonna try it You wipe your ass And then make food

Without washing your hands There's shit in your food It's my poop There's shit in your food Oh It's my ass Holy cow It's not your ass

It's my ass Say that to the guy working at Subway No It's my ass No but it's not It's my food I'm eating it No

I don't know why that matters to everybody Cause it's my food. I'm eating it. No. I don't know why that matters to everybody. Because it's gross. Have you ever worked in kitchens? Like in high school? I used to work at Outback. Oh. No. Employees are required to wash their hands.

I was washing my hands at Outback Steakhouse. Oh. As is the law. But in my own home, it's my enclosure. It's my apartment. You can't go to Outback anymore. All right. Well.

Poopy hands. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it for the rest of the week. I'm not go to Outback anymore. All right. Well, listen. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it for the rest of the week. I'm not going to use any soap. All right. And I'll let you know how I feel. You got to get over the hump. What is that hump?

There's a little bit of a stretch where your body's like, I miss it. And then once you break through that hump, your body's going to thank you. It's like carbs. I miss soap. Okay. But give it like two weeks. Two weeks, Dan If you're gonna do it

You gotta commit Alright, spin the wheel Spin the wheel Yeah One of us is going sopless Yeah Alright, okay Fuck

Two weeks Two weeks Have to Yep Everyone, scouts honor Yeah I'll do it I don't

Sure If you don't wanna do it Then you won't be on the wheel Experimentally I'd rather you I don't. Sure. If you don't want to do it, then you won't be on the wheel. Experimentally, I'd rather you. I think the science is pretty clear. If it lands on me, I'll start doing soap. Oh, okay. I like that.

I like that. All right. I mean, I don't want to eat my own shit. Yeah. No, you're allowed to wash your hands. It's just body wash. Yeah, you're allowed to wash your hands. Yeah.

No shower soap. I don't know. It might feel good. I'd rather piss my pants again. It might feel good. Could be an option. It's a whole new world. What do you do when you piss your pants?

It's fucking disgusting. It is. This is fucking disgusting. It's gross. Jake, it is. This is so gross. I don't know. I'm kind of starting to feel...

It stemmed from laziness, and now he has convinced himself it's good. I mean, I like how confident he is in it. It works. The fact that he bought bottles and emptied them out. Jake, what did you do in the pandemic when everyone was washing their hands and everything? I don't want to get into that. Okay. All right.

I'm going to get fired. Jake, why did you empty the bottles out? You could have just let them sit there full. Yeah, but if I give up soap for a week, you have to get your dick sucked by somebody. Damn. Deal. We have to put ourselves in uncomfortable situations. All right.

All right. This is a soap. Okay. All right. Soap wheel. Elimination? Yeah. Or no. TJ Soap wheel. Elimination? Yeah. Or no.

TJ! Great wheel. Wait, is this a limb or? TJ has been running and working out a lot. A lot of cardio. All right, fine. It's elimination. And if Malasek gets it, he has to start using soap again.

Yep. Elimination. Okay. There we go. Oh, you got to add me, TJ. There we go. Yeah, add him. I hope it's Bader.

I'll be back in two weeks. He's so smelly. All right. There you go, Brandon. Okay. Also, it's going to be tight. I'll start. Oh, he's out.

No, I would have done it. Yeah. I thought about it more, and I was like, I don't want to be the guy that says no to things, so I'll do it. But, you know. We knew you'd do it. This is good for Che because he doesn't wipe.

Oh, yeah. KB, I feel like this is a biohack. No. It's not? No. Bait or safe. Oh, thank God. Thank God.

Rick always just gets these The most I've ever The most scared I've ever been on the show Was when Shiny Bald was on the wheel Oh yeah Oh by far That was very terrifying This is a pretty perfect wheel so far There you go, Nick.

I want Malasek's going to have to use it. I feel like Zah's not down for this. No, I'm not. Malasek's going to have to get clean. I'm down for anything on this show, Bickley. All right. I love it. No.

Look at that, Zah. That was smart. All right. That's perfect. This is amazing. I was down for my hair. No, but just on the hair. So, like, my hair, I only wash, like, once a month.

Oh, right. We burnt your dread for stinky cloud. All right. So, first to four wins. All right. Die, die, die. This is going to be great. Yes.

This just came on the show bubble bath bubble bath real clean bubble bath dude I want you to leave right now and take a bath bubble bath for sure with the camera

in the bathtub oh man come on Bubble bath for sure. With the camera in the bathtub. Oh, man. No. Come on. Sweep him. Sweep him. Holy shit. Come on.

All right. He won one. He won one. That's fine. No bubble baths. We're fine. We're spinning away on the punishment is he has to use soap. He has to have basic hygiene.

Oh! We need documented proof. All right. I'll go upstairs. There's wood. Oh, yeah, I'll do that. There's wood upstairs. All right. I'll go upstairs. There's wood. Oh, yeah. I'll do that. There's wood upstairs.

All right. Film yourself showering. Next two weeks. Proof. All right. Next two weeks, you got to use soap. Every morning? Every single morning.

Yeah. Every time you shower, soap and shampoo and conditioner. You have to message us. Wait, I got a hair, too? Yeah. That's going to fuck me up so bad. You got to do what everyone in the world does wait no they don't human no one shampoos every day i shampoo every day two times what it'd be back on the 28th

y'all don't shampoo every day nah i don't know two times a week bro that's actually true i uh when i was doing it every day i would get dandruff and yeah look gross i think maybe all right so tomorrow morning you don't have to bring a bathing suit and we'll watch you shower. Watch you shower. All right, fine. Okay. All right. Unless you want to right now. I have a pair of shorts up in the anus studio. You can knock one day off right now. It's up to you.

I don't care. I mean, I'll do whatever. I know you will. I really don't want to do this. He's so mad. All right. So we made Malasek shit in a jar and dry it out on his windowsill yeah and he didn't complain once he's livid about this washing just two weeks it's it's again washing your body it's

yeah like if we explain this to anyone outside of this room they'd be like wait you're making him wash his body it's all right right. He's really upset. Yeah. And you can hit up all those exes. The hair is going to kill me. You can do shit. Do it like once every like three or four days. I think that's normal. It's a lot.

It's a lot. Oh, wow. All right. Well, we'll shower tomorrow? Yeah. All right. He's just ruined his day. I've never seen him.

You don't have to do the hair. You don't have to do the hair He's really upset Let's not feel bad Yeah What is going on right now He reversed it on us He's showering on the show tomorrow I can't believe what I just witnessed

They're going to go crazy There it is That's ominous How did he reverse that to where I feel bad for making him use soap? He's distraught. It's unbelievable. He's going up against his life decisions. Like, he's decided to live one way, and we're making him do it the other way.

Yeah. Yeah, I guess you're right. The right way, but whatever. The wheel's back. That was the most just wheeling of all time. That was awesome. That was perfect. Yeah.

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I'm going to have some pears this weekend in Knoxville, Tennessee. Hell yeah. Awesome town. I'm going to get at Pilar to get me a custom shirt. Go to Stock and Barrel Burger. I'd be Block and Barrel.

Is that where we're at? Yeah. That was great. Joey's taking a shot. You want to get up? Get Joey taking a shot. Yeah. That'll be good.

Yeah. Figure this is my Tennessee shirt. It hit the fucking thing. It's too high. He said it hit the fucking thing. I agree. It hit the thing. I can't believe Malasek reversed that on us.

That's crazy. I actually feel bad right now. Oh. About making him. I know. It's so weird because he's so upset. Just use a shower wash. The hair he cannot do because I think that actually is like something people do.

Sure. Is not use shampoo. Yeah, but it's not like it's against his religion. Yeah. His punishment is to have hygiene. Thank you. The best is Titus kept going back to him shitting. Yeah.

Not washing his hands and making food for himself, which is so true. Well, no, I mean, yeah, like that's indefensible. And in his mind, his explanation is it's my shit. That is the worst explanation. It's my shit. Close, Joey. Come on, Joey. Shit has like staph and fat.

I mean, there's so many things you can get from it. There's shit and shit. E. coli? Yeah, E. coli, yeah. There is shit and shit. That's true. You might have been responsible for what happened. Science is clear on that.

At Chipotle. Joey. Oh, Joey. There's mook Oh Joey Oh Joey he's getting closer I'm not going to shoot it too straight Brandon you should go out there I think he's gonna make it in four it's getting closer he should oh that was net to It's more finesse Titus can you give a guy like that lessons? Yeah, we could get Joey shooting a guy like that It's you know harder the closer he gets.

No adjustments. All right. He's pegging that backboard. All right, Joey, what the fuck are you doing? Now we got to start betting. Just get one in. Just make one. Go back to the wide.

Come on, Joey. Softer. There it is. No, that's a good speed, Joey. Softer. There it is. No, that's a good speed, though. Great audio. Yeah, this is good for the podcast. Joey, put it in. Put it in, Joey. Joey, put it in softly.

Oh, we hit the rim. You're trying to put it in too hard, Joey. Softly put it in. You don't want the rim. Too much rim, Joey. Too much rim. Show him how pat oh that was worse slower packing that's nice with it yeah yesterday uh i was i, I went out my garage to the alley to take Stella out for a walk, and there was these 13-year-olds shooting a basketball,

and they were like, hey, big cat, you want a shot? And I missed. Oh! 13. Oh, my God. Shit. Brutal. That's tough.

Did you get a second shot? Yeah, they're like, shoot, you got to make it. And then I shot like five more times and missed. Yeah. You have to move. Sell your house. Yeah, I don't know. it's the only course of action a 13 year old like listening to anything i do is bad that's yeah that's a that's too weird age impressionable yeah bad no there's worse people

out there right now all those like kick streamers like neon yeah true yeah i asked them i was like you guys into tiktok and they're like no we like sports i was like okay cool it's cool yeah oh we have there's hope there's really no winning an argument with a 13 year old you can't possibly you're like fuck their mom that's about all you can do right yeah as an older that's all you can that's really that's really the only move is that how we have to beat che yeah i deflected after i missed my fifth shot. I was just like, you guys think Justin Fields is a guy? We had that discussion. It was good. I was literally in an alley with two 13-year-olds talking about the Bears.

Kind of a low point for me. No way. What did they think? Might as well start asking what they like tonight. They said they want to draft Cale Williams. I was like, I agree. Disagree.

Good debate, boys. See you tomorrow. Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh. Pat's got the unicycle. I just got a DM from The Bachelor. He said, I miss the boys. Oh, my God. Pat's doing the unicycle.

Throw him on the logo. Yeah. We should get him. Is it ready to go? He's going to be comfy on that thing. I guess. Oh. Uh-oh. Wow.

That's good. He's up. Wow. Joey is helping him ride. Solely. That was dumb. Okay. Yeah, they tried.

They were having fun. Yeah, they're just seeing everything. Hopefully they'll get tuckered out. So they can tone back a little bit. I think Pat's staying with me. Really? He keeps saying you think. You said it more starting yesterday.

Don't you want to be prepared for guests? Are they both boyfriended up? I don't know. I don't think so. Are you boyfriended? I don't know. What's the wife thought? I don't know.

I don't think Pat is. Husbanded up? Husbanded up? I don't think Pat is. In a relationship? In a relationship. Yeah. Pat's fucking a ghost right now.

Oh. Nick, are you worried you broke the seal and now everyone just thinks that they can come stay at your place? Everyone thinks so. Hey, you host a lot, Nick. I do. I went from Brandon to Maresh, now to Pat. It's a wonderful place.

Did Maresh fuck in your house? I think so. Yeah. Do you have snacks ready? No. No, I'm bad with that. You can't fuck in your house? I think so. Do you have snacks ready? No. No, I'm bad with that. You can't fuck in your guest room, though. Yeah, you can. The guest room doesn't have a ceiling.

Yeah, everybody knows that. You can see it from his room. You can still fuck, though. He can sit up there and watch you. I'll do it. Is your bed up? It's way a loft. Just two floors, but one just doesn't have ceilings to the rooms.

The first floor doesn't have ceilings. The second floor has walls? Yeah. If he stands on the stairs, he can look into the... Oh, yeah, yeah. It's my lofty roost. Yeah. You should get Big T to go sleep there.

I would like that a lot. The whole collective. Exactly. You should get big T to go sleep there. I would like that a lot. The whole collective. Exactly. After a week. I want to watch you live. It's always good looking to be watched. I got a thing to talk to you about. You said you and everybody else here made fun of me for wearing boxers a few weeks ago,

and you just said you switched to boxers. I switched over. I wanted to see what it was like. Why? Today's my first day wearing them. And? They're bunched up at my dick making it look big, which is cool. Yeah, that's why I do it.

Yeah. I don't. It's okay. I love it. It's okay. I like freedom. I love boxers too. Good.

Dan, do you do boxers? Briefs. They made fun of me for wearing loose boxers. Yeah, I switched. The freedom is only there when you are absent of pants. Yeah. When the pants are on, they bunch up and you lose the freedom. Mine don't bunch up.

Mine bunch up in the front, not in the back. When you wear jeans, it's not going to be more comfortable. I do it on the... Jeans are a problem. But jeans are a problem for me in any underwear situation. Dick too big? Jeans just dick too big. I wear boxer briefs because I feel like, and I'll never get there, but it's's a goal of mine i don't think there's ever been a guy with a six-pack

who wears boxers no they wear underwear right yeah i'm never going to have a six-pack but it's a goal of my car but it's not an attainable goal but when i get there i want to be ready if you have a big dick isn't it just flopping around at all times i don't know what it is yeah it's i have a really dumb question can we compare like what boxer briefs to what you guys mean for from underwear like i think i have boxer underwear briefs underwear all underwear is the entire all encompassing i'm wearing like the like kind of elastic yeah yeah okay i have those two okay yeah yeah kind of stick to you i'm'm wearing just straight-ass boxers.

That's what I'm doing. Okay. You're wearing two pairs of gym shorts, one smaller than the other. You know Mark DeScherro wears a jockstrap? That's insane. All the time? With a suit. Yeah, so I'm wearing boxers.

My option is C. C. C. I'm typically C. I'm C. I switched to F. I'm A and C. I have A and C.

Yeah, see, I do C and A. He is pervert. 75% A is pervert. I can't do B because I'm not in shape. A is a little too fratty or something. B is old people, right? Like your grandfather. Or like Albanians or Russians.

It is funny to think like our- Troye Sivan flashes that. Dads just wore tighty-whities all the time. Yeah. It was just it. That's what you wore. My dad would wear the ones with nothing on the sides. What do you mean? Like real European. Like, yeah? He just had the front in the back like this sex I like Persian man underwear

Yeah, why do they decide on white for the color? I know it's the worst should be brown underwear should be brown search of toilets. Yep. Who has a tighty-whities? A bidet in a tighty-brownies. Are these anyone? No. Beefy boy. There you go.

I'm in. Yeah, I couldn't wear any of those. No. Me and Kyle and Donnie had to wear Speedos for a video and it was horrible.

We should do G-String. I would do G-String week. Yeah. G-String week. I'm just going to speak up. We shouldn't do G-String. I would do G-String week. Yeah. G-String week. I'm just going to speak up. We shouldn't do G-String week.

I think G-String week would be cool. Kind of funny. Whale tail down. Yeah, it would be very funny. We could have a poster of all of us having our little G-Strings out. Yeti butts with us. Seeing Brandon lean over to grab a ball

and like a red thong pop out. Do the Borat swimsuit. G-String week would be funny. Shoulder. Fine straps. Whatever. It might be better like it would not with jeans. Maybe like during jumpsuit January you wear G-strings.

Yeah. Yeah. It wouldn't show that you wouldn't have a panty line. I bought a couple new jumpsuits. Break them out soon. I do always think like the girl. Are they uncomfortable with just a string up their ass? I don't

Their ass Remarkable man. I mean it's like high heels high heels is the most uncomfortable thing in the world I don't know what their ass be doing. It is girls where the dumbest. I don't think so bras It's got a burnt yet bras to bra bras suck before like the popularization of sexualizing fat asses. We were just. There's Zah's underwear. Whoa. Oh, my. Fuck. Some of my biggest moments in life, they were on me. What color was that? What's happening to the bottom of them? What was the best moment you were wearing them? In these, I could not lose. Oh, let's see.

So, 04 to what? 2020? Oh, my God, Zah. 04 to 2020, Zah? So, probably in 2008 when I won the Honest High at my high school. Okay. That's Buster Biden. But you still have those?

You still wear them? No, I retired those. When was that tweet? Like a year ago? Two years ago? You threw them out? It's like a brand new color. Yeah, I retired those.

Yeah, those were white when they started. I retired another pair last week. Another one? You retired another pair? Yep, I tweeted it out. So you're wearing a couple of rookies now? Yeah, I tweeted it out. So you're wearing up for rookies now? Yeah, I've got a lot of rookies. I don't feel good about it.

He's in a rebuilding era. Yeah, tough. Damn, Sox. I still have a couple veterans on the team. It's tough to throw underwear out. Yeah, it is. It's tough to throw anything underwear out. Yeah, socks, underwear.

Who's that? My veterans don't look like that. Oh, another loyal servant. That's the one who was tossed last week. Is that even underwear? My veterans don't look like that. Oh, another loyal servant. That's the one that was tossed last week. Is that even underwear? That shape is insane. Not anymore. This is an ad for the Barstool store.

Salvation Army says we don't want that. They're like, don't. There's no holes. That's not honest. That's like a onesie. That is not underwear, Zah. That's just a fucking cloth. I don't get it.

Been through wars, man. Been through wars. Like's just a fucking cloth. I don't get it. Been through wars, man. Been through wars. Like, I'm not kidding. Been through wars. Yeah, we can see the bottom. That was your promotion for Barstool Store. I love it.

Oh, my God. Holy shit. Oh, well, soldier. Salute. Oh, man. Are we playing Fortnite today again? Yeah. Who's playing?

I want Kyle to. Yeah, KB. That won't be good. Either KB, Nick, Brandon, or Mook. All right, so do the wheel. Do the ad. Read the ad. Brandon?

Or no. Yeah, Brandon, you can read the ad. Yeah, I can read the ad. Yeah, I can read the ad. It's about Fortnite, of course. Kicking off the wheel today is we have Fortnite. The original map that started it all in 2018 is back. We got a huge thanks going out to Fortnite OG for sponsoring this wheel segment. Fortnite is running the map from Season 5 to Season X.

The map is evolving. Make sure you hop into your favorite season before it's gone. Amazing for those of us who haven't played or gotten to Victory Royale in a while, which is pretty much everybody in this room except for probably Mook and TJ. All right. This is a limited chance to run it back from the glory days. Don't forget Fortnite introduced Zero Build, which means if you haven't been working on your building skills,

there's a mode for you to still enjoy the Chapter 1 map with friends. Check out the OG Island back in Fortnite now. Where are we dropping, boys? Yeah, I had a question. Yeah. Where are we dropping, boys? Ah, good question, good question. Where are we dropping, boys?

Boys. Where are we dropping? Let's figure it out. Boys. Where are we dropping? Good job. Thanks. Go ahead and spin it.

All right. I don't think we could really go wrong. I'd like to see all of you. Yeah. Oh, this is good. This is good. This is going to be great. Here we go.

Can I? Come clear the room. Clear the room, TJ. I wanted to FaceTime and get some help, but I guess I can't. Walker. Little Walker. Nope. The White Walker.

Yeah. Yeah, sure. Yep. yeah go ahead and yeah sure yep nice nice uh oh oh I enjoyed some

Fortnite last night with TJ Rudy and Gia any dubs our squad yeah caught a couple dubs streaming with Rudy

tonight what are you guys playing I want to play Balon Wonderland played play Balon Wonderland. Played Fortnite. Balon Wonderland? Yeah.

What is that? It's not Fortnite. No. Oh, shit. Yeah. Why not? Oh, crap. Oh, poopy sticks.

We're actually going to play Fortnite tonight. Oh, rats. You want some help? Yeah. You want some help? You just call them mooks. I like that. Did I?

Yeah, I think so. I got you, Pop. Alright, Brandon. You want to be a chick? I don't want to be a chick. Huh? I'd like to choose. Buy skin. Who's credit card's in here? Whoa!

Human mill. I could just play. Be the chick. I'll be the chick. Brandon, any chance of getting a dub? No. No, not whatsoever. Do you think TJ playing will put us in a harder lobby?

Yes. Oh. Oh. Are you going to help him? What am I doing? No, I've never played him. Hit the banana, Hit those guys. R1. Alright, alright, alright. What?

Holding the left stick, so now it's sprinting. Has it started yet? No. How do I super jump? I cannot super jump. You can pick up an item to super jump. We'll try to super jump. A super jump? You cannot super jump. I'd like to super jump. You can pick up an item to super jump. We'll try to super jump. Okay. Now, I'm flying in.

Where do you want to go? Wherever. Drop on the camera. Where are we dropping in, boys? Where are we dropping? Where are you going, sir? Tilted? So, so tilted.

Let's do tilted. No, no, no. What about? I've heard a lot about it. Press X to jump. about it. Oh my gosh Use the right stick to look down taking the views You got this, Brandon. Come on, Brandon. You got this, Brandon.

A house? I want to go in that building right there. Yeah, this Brandon. A house? I wanna go in that building right there. Can I just drop now? Go left, go left. So I go in here? What did you say? Yeah, no, no, make your own way. Knock it down.

Is that an impulse? Whoa, impatient! Yeah, okay. All right, so those are grenades. Okay. You got a plunger? Or is that a kebab? Pick that up. That's a super junk.

Okay. What's in here? And then hit that. So. Right there. Okay. What did I get? Extra.

So a nice shot. So it's knock it. Knock the shit out of here. I mean, knock the. Yep. Like the poopy just open the door oh I hear chest oh oh oh there's a gun okay I got a gun pump so now I go right here you press r2 it shoots I don't want to do that yeah

maybe aim down a little bit you're aiming up pretty high. Now up. Now maybe a little. All right. Now keep looking around. Yeah. I'll do more stuff. Why don't I? Okay. So what do I do? Do I need to go back to the axe so I can knock things over? No. You can just hide out.

Yeah. You can just chill. Just hide. Just chill. Just sit at that desk. Get your taxes done. All right. Work on.

This is a nice space actually. Yeah. All right. What? And then eat those mushrooms. Why would I? Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. nice space actually. Yeah. Alright. What? And then eat those mushrooms. Why would I... Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Run! Run! Stop talking! Run! Run! Run! Equip the gun! Equip the gun! Turn around! Turn around! Shooting at you! The bullets! Turn right! How do you shoot that? Oh no. I can't!

Shoot! How do you get the thing to turn? Shoot! Get him with both hands! This is stupid! shoot does how do you get the signal turner one of the sticks looks the other one moves yeah all right figure it out brandon use the right side you're not using the right stick at all practice shooting practice aiming at something what am i aiming at that tire what about the dumpster how do i go right here yep all right tire l2 L2 zooms in. Brennan, you have played video games before, right? I have, yeah. But I've played like, sports games and stuff.

Okay, so imagine it's like Madden. Is that helping? Where's she- Why is she crouching so much? Uh... Because you crouched. What? Press the left stick in. Right stick.

Right stick. Right stick. You guys are saying two different things, yo. I'm just kidding. Alright, I have a gun. So if somebody comes in and shoots me, I can shoot them back? That's right. Okay. Tommy would be embarrassed right now. What's that?

Pick that up. Tommy is your... Tommy smokes. Tommy smokes. Yeah, Tommy smokes. What? Tommy smokes. Okay. Of course. Whoa!

What a fortress. That's awesome. Oh, what happened? What am I carrying right now? That door right there? you're carrying a clinger grenade that's like a sticky this seems... try it again

try it again Brandon... no! are you a quitter? Brandon's inability to look around is kinda concerning yeah, I don't understand how you can't use the right stick. It's the same mechanics as a football game.

Yeah, every game uses the right stick, doesn't it? Can I just sit here for a while? Practice shooting at specific things. I'm worried about you in a gunfight. Shoot at those red umbrellas on the left. Nope. Okay, now move to the door.

Hit the left trigger. Left pointer finger. Okay. Wow. Tree. Below you. Oh, inverted. See, and that's where you're dead. Oh boy. Who's in what building? See that's where you're dead. Oh boy Oh my

Jeepers, oh boy Jeepers creepers mister not great Now you can watch this dude and root for him. I guess Brandon Brandon what happened brother? You can shoot him and root for him. I guess. That's a TJ in there. Brandon. What happened, brother? Look who you lost to. He's a Lee. What did Shay get? He got

one kill. What did he finish? In the 30s, maybe. Oh, place? 30s, maybe. The 30s? Oh, place? I think, like, yeah, mid-30s. Nice try. Nice try, buddy. You tried.

You worked hard. You did it. You tried. Trying is important. I had fun. You did. We had fun watching you suck. Good job, Brandon.

I love you, man. I love you so much. You want to hit another dinger off, Jay? Yes. Yeah. We'll hit another dinger off. Jay, come on. Come on, Jay. We want to hit another dinger off Che? Yes. We'll hit another dinger off Che. Che, come on. Come on, Che.

We're going to hit dingers off Che all day. I love this form of torture. Yeah, right. Che's just an all-time pitcher for dingers. Yeah, no, I know you don't. Che, Che, Che. Give him some junk. Give him some junk, yeah.

Strike him out. Strike him out. Strike him out. Strike him out. Strike him out. Strike him out. Strike him out. Strike him out. Strike him out. He's not getting struck out, right? He wouldn't, right?

No. That'd be funny if he did. I mean... No. Maybe. No chance. Waterdog City announcement? Yes. They did it? Philadelphia. Mm-hmm. Maybe. No chance. Water Dog City announcement?

Yes. They did it. Philadelphia. What? We're the Philadelphia Water Dogs. Oh. Yeah. Regrets.

Hell yeah. Huge. Where'd they move from? They weren't cities. Oh, they were just dogs. Just road dogs. It's perfect because we finished in second last year. Wait, you have to... Fuck.

How does that work? Do they have a stadium? No, I don't think so. Huh. Yeah, can you just start a team in any city and be like, we're... Yeah, why not? Oh, he's mad. Che, you suck.

Come on, Kerbos. Come on. Oh, my God. Brandon, clip that. Fucking taking him yard, dude. Watch that back. You'll feel better about yourself. Oh!

Rocket. Great. Great. Boom! Oh Good job Brandon. He's like oh what what how hurt himself? Phone fell out of his pocket got an injury wait what happened? Oh his wallet fell out No, those your. All of his condoms spilled out of his wallet. What just happened? All his fucking rubbers.

Hell yeah. Good job, Brandon. Brandon, do a little Johnny Stamos. Oh, throw it to yourself. Throw it to yourself and give us a one-handed backhand Throw it up, and then you throw it no go back go back go. Oh you can do it left Yeah, you do it that way Yeah, and then pass it off to the right hand

Why wouldn't you do righty? Yeah, why not just do righty if you're righty? Oh, God. He just struck himself out. Yeah. We tried to give him a win, and he just ended up taking a loss. Yeah, you fucked that up. How did I fuck that up? You fucked that up.

Johnny Stamos makes it look so easy. That's all he does. That is all he does. He rips on guitar. That did feel good. I appreciate that. No problem. It's a good way to just let out some aggression. I'd like to play some more sevens after this.

I finished second twice yesterday and I need to win. I'll play too. Come on, Titus. There's no reason for you to play. I want to play. I did beat you at free throws. You did beat me at free throws today. He did beat you at free throws. You did beat me at free throws today. Yeah. He did beat me at free throws.

I was shooting left-handed, but he – Not really something you have to clarify. And he needed overtime. Hank won sevens yesterday with a women's ball, so he made it. Oh. Oh. So what is sevens? It's just everyone stands around, shoots threes.

If I hit – if I'm sitting next to you, if I hit and then you miss, you get a point. And it adds up, though. Like if we're all in a next to you, if I hit and then you miss, you get a point. It adds up, though. If we're all in a row right now, if I hit, you hit, Moop misses, he gets two points. It's like the weakest link. Once you get to seven, you get a half-court shot to go back to the foul.

I hit my half-court shot. It was sick. I stayed late last night to work on my jumper. This was fine. For real late last night to work on my jumper. Yours was fine. For real? Yeah. I'm not bad about you.

You're an athlete. I know. I'm just trying to get back to form. I need to do some cardio, get some steps in, work on the jumper. I want to be a weapon out there. Yeah. My phone is confused about all the activity because it keeps telling me I've completed my step goal.

Take a break. There's a lot of notifications that are like, you good, bro? Hey, bro, take a break. It seems like you're hurting yourself. I am averaging about twice as many steps as I did before we got this office. That's good. That's good. We're all going to live forever.

Went from 4,000 to 8,000. Do you think one of us is going to die while we're still working in this office? Yeah. I do, yeah. That would be really sad. Mincy's going to fall off the second floor any day yeah i think so but he won't die like die in the office or like die oh wow we're still working here it's like one of the day we're gonna have to open the yak one day for 20 years sadly nikki smokes

i got a question it hasn't passed if one of us dies smokes is on his way yeah does right now i'd have the coding to where like we'd have like have a splash page of a black and white photo of us? I bet you Jeff has the graphics. In memory? Jeff has all of them ready. If one of us died at 9.30 in the morning, would we do the act that day? You'd have to. Show must go on.

Ads and stuff. We'd just do a best of. We'd take the name off the wheel, probably. You guys should... No, if I die here, I still want to be on the wheel for that one day to get wet. Yeah, I want to be roasted. Yeah. Why don't you guys roast me? I don't. Pour still want to be on the wheel for that one day to get wet. Yeah, I want to be roasted. Yeah. Why don't you guys roast me? Pour a bucket of water on my carcass.

Pour soap on it. Yeah. Excuse me. Malasek. Bury him with a thing of soap. He's going to die of E. coli soon. Oh, man. He's so upset.

We saved his life. Yeah, we really might have saved his life i texted him i said are you good he has not responded and again we're making him use soap soap in the shower this is what brings barstool down on hazing the number one place you're supposed to use the shower he comes in tomorrow and he's like i was so distraught last night i went and got a blow job and that's so not like me. So I'm acting irrationally. I don't know what's gotten into me.

Not sure what to do. Wash my hands and got a blowjob today. I can't imagine ever saying the sentence, I'm over blowjobs. For me to wash his hands while he's getting a blowjob. I'm over blowjobs Alright You wanna spin the wheel TJ? That's a good yak everyone We're so back

Everyone subscribe please Feels good I'm just putting out bangers Feels good When two NFL teams play Yeah Why do people describe it as a battle Between the two quarterbacks

Like they're facing each other. The number one guys. They're competing against entirely different defense. It's actually way worse, though. Maybe when you have a bad quarterback, and like the Bears do for most of their franchise, they'll do the graphic, and it will be like Patrick Mahomes versus Khalil Mack.

Oh, yeah. I like the commercial graphic. That makes more sense because they are competing against each other in a way. The answer is we're all stupid and we can't understand what's going on on a football field, but the quarterback has the ball in his hands every play.

That makes sense. We understand that, but we don't understand what the fuck else is going on. I mean, we do it in every sport, though. They're playing different games, the two quarterbacks. But in basketball, it's a little more. Yeah, they do it with pitchers. Pitchers don't pitch against each other.

Yeah. Yeah. It's not a battle between the pitchers. So would you like to see two quarterbacks go up against the same defense? That would be a battle. A football game should be three teams. Who is the better quarterback? Yeah. like that two offenses and one all-time defense yeah they probably get tired right that actually should be how we decide the super bowl or we just who's

the best quarterback we'll play a dummy team yeah yeah we as a society put a lot of value in like the pro bowl skills challenge and whatever quarterback it's the best you're right skills challenge like we should do that I like that okay we'll see everyone tomorrow I think Pat and Joey are here tomorrow yeah thanks Bader everyone buy tickets

November 30th yeah I'm excited for it Laugh Factory in Wrigleyville it's gonna be awesome Nick's gonna be hosting please come out we're gonna do these once a month. So, yeah, appreciate it. Everyone come out and see us. I'm going to try to come. Yeah.

I'm going to try to show up. Maybe do a quick five. Please. Please, do it. Yeah, do a tight five. All right, see everyone tomorrow. I love doing tight five. It's the act. It's the act. It's your straws, yeah.

Silence, hey. For a while, it's the act. It's the act. It's the act. Yeah, it's time to talk shop. We're doing Yankee Swap. It's the act. It's the act. We'll see you next time.